Prologue: About what we did in Las Pegasus...

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“Thanks for coming along, girls,” Twilight Sparkle said as she trotted towards the train station at a leisurely pace, flanked by her friends Rarity and Pinkie Pie. “I'm sure Spike will be happy to get a proper welcome home.”

“Proper?” Rarity asked with a raised eyebrow. “Have you ever given him an improper welcome?”

The Princess of Friendship blushed. “Well, there was that one time I was engrossed in a book and forgot to pick him up,” she admitted. “Plus, last year we all went to Canter Creek while he was at his Pony Trek convention. Nopony at all was here when he came home, even though it was an emergency, and he understood that.”

“Good thing I brought extra frosting then,” Pinkie exclaimed happily. As always, she wasn't really walking, bouncing was more like it. Yet the added skips and jumps didn't seem to deter her from pulling her trusty party cannon along behind her. “This'll make up for two botched welcomes for sure.”

As the trio walked onto the platform, Twilight pointed with her hoof. “Looks like we're not the only ones to come up with this idea.”

“Hey, Twilight! Rarity! Pinkie Pie!” an excited filly with a red mane and pink bow in her hair yelled while waving her hoof.

They walked over to stand beside the filly and the rest of her family. “Hi, Apple Bloom. You here to see Applejack?”

“Eyup,” Big Mac answered.

Granny Smith, on the other hoof, didn't say a word. “What's wrong with her?” Rarity asked.

“She's been in a bad mood,” Apple Bloom answered her in a whisper, “ever since the doctor told her that she couldn't travel to Las Pegasus for Apple Con on account of her bad hip this year. She's been like that all week.”

“Don't worry, I'm sure Applejack had fun for all four of you,” Pinkie yelled. “So lighten up, Granny Smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith!”

Everypony present turned to look at the pink earth pony who seemed to be shivering at an uncontrollable rate, to the point where the vibrations impacted her speech.

“Pinkie,” Twilight said slowly. “Don't tell me that was … your Pinkie Sense going off?”

Big Mac suddenly stood straight upright, eyes wide like saucers. “Nope!” He made a mad dash underneath a nearby bench, gaze furtively cast skyward.

“Well, if it was my Pinkie Sense, then it sure was a doozie,” Pinkie mused. “Even more than with that hyyyyyyydrrrrrraaaaa, theeeeeerrreeeee iiiiiiiitttt gooooesssss agaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnn!!!!”

Rarity turned toward Twilight with a worried look. “You don't think it has anything to do with AJ and Spikey-Wikey, do you? I hope they're not in danger.”

Twilight tapped her hoof against her chin. “I don't think so. Remember that the hydra wasn't actually the doozie last time. It was me believing in Pinkie Sense. So, judging from past experience, it could be anything, but whatever it is, I bet it's something neither of us expected when we got out of bed this morning.”

“There's the train!” an excited Apple Bloom yelled.

Whatever the doozie was, it would have to wait. For now the six ponies lined up to welcome their two friends.

The train hissed and screeched as it came to a halt. The steam hadn't yet entirely cleared when the doors opened, and they could already make out the shape of a dragon and a pony.

“Hey, everypony!” Spike greeted them cheerfully while carrying his own bags as well as AJ's.

“Welcome back!” the six said in unison.

“How was Las Pegaus?” Twilight asked.

“Did you bring souvenirs?” Apple Bloom added.

Spike chuckled. “One at a time,” he said. Since his growth spurt over the last winter, he was now a head taller than most ponies, about on eye level with Big Mac. And he seemed more mature. The growth of a dragon was a curious thing. It took immensely long to get to the next stage, but when it finally happened, it happened practically overnight. “Well, Las Pegasus was...”

“WE GOT MARRIED!”

All eyes turned on Applejack after her sudden outburst, and it was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop.

“Smooth,” Spike commented dryly towards his partner. “I thought we decided to tell them that we were dating for now. You know, slowly get them used to the idea of us being a couple? Or did I dream that conversation?”

“Sorry,” Applejack told him with an apologetic look. “Ah panicked. You know ah can't lie to my folks.”

Boom!

“Holy schmoozie! Now that's a doozie!” Pinkie yelled among the explosion of confetti, streamers and other party supplies. “Congratulations, you two!”

“Er, thanks,” Spike replied, using his claw to dig some frosting out of his ear.

Granny Smith was also ostensibly cleaning her ear. “Excuse me, my hearing must be going bad. What did ya say, youngin?”

“We're married, Granny,” AJ repeated with a forced smile, not sure how her family would take the sudden news, but unable to deceive them either.

“One more time?” Granny Smith demanded, getting her trusty ear trumpet out.

“She said...” Big Mac started.

“I heard 'em!” the Apple Family matron snapped at her grandson.

“Come on, sis. You're pulling our leg, right?” Apple Bloom chimed in.

“Nope,” the farmpony replied with a shake of her head before digging out a parchment from her saddlebag. “Got it black on white.”

“Let me see that,” Twilight said, not waiting for a response before seizing the document with her magic and beginning to read. Noticing that everypony else was looking at her, she cleared her throat. “It's genuine, alright. A marriage license for Apple Sauce Jack and Spike the Dragon, issued by the city of Las Pegasus.”

“Your middle name is Sauce?” Pinkie yelled in surprise.

AJ averted her eyes. “Yeah, what of it? Ah was named after Auntie Applesauce.”

“Can I call you Saucy?”

“No, Diane. Ya can't.”

Rarity had been leaning over Twilight's shoulder to get a closer look at the parchment. “You're a princess, Twilight. You can annul this marriage, right?”

Twilight gave her a look. “I don't see why I would. They're both of marrying age according to Equestrian law, and they both gave their consent. So unless they both asked me to...”

Rarity gave them a meaningful look.

“What? We don't want an annulment!” Spike said.

“Yeah, why would ya even ask that?” Applejack confirmed.

“How long have ya two been datin'?” Apple Bloom asked, apparently far more quick to accept their decision than the adults around her.

“Well, we haven't, really,” AJ replied a little sheepishly. “It just sorta happened.”

“Aw, come on! Spill! You didn't just get off the train in Las Pegasus and decided to get married, did ya?”

“According to the date on the marriage license, they did,” Twilight pointed out. “How did this come about?”

The newlyweds looked at each other, Spike scratching his cheek. “Well, I don't know, to be honest. We got on the train, settled in for the long ride, then started talking about this and that. I don't even remember what exactly we were talking about.”

“Me neither,” Applejack added. “But ah do know that the conversation ended with one of us sayin': 'How 'bout we get married?' And the other said: 'Cool.' So we made our way straight to city hall from the station.”

“And it was a good thing, too,” Spike said with a grin and a sideways glance at his wife. “That way we had the entire week for our honeymoon.”

“There was honey?” Pinkie chimed in.

“Oh, there was honey involved, alright,” Applejack said with a blush and an embarrassed smile. “And ah don't reckon the hotel staff is ever gonna get that washed outta the bed sheets.”

Then there was an awkward silence. “Doesn't anypony wanna say anything?” Spike asked nervously. He looked at Rarity.

Rarity glared back at him. “Hmph!” She turned on the spot and set off in the direction of her boutique.

“Rarity!?” The young dragon then turned towards his oldest friend. “Twilight?”

The alicorn princess had a complicated expression on her face. “Well, Spike. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about this. It seems a bit rash, to put it mildly. But, congratulations, I guess.”

“Well, ah'm happy for ya!” Apple Bloom shouted, squeezing in between the couple of the hour. “And now ah got two big brothers! Right, Big Macintosh?”

The large stallion narrowed his eyes at Spike. “Nope.” Only Big Mac could make that singular word sound irritated and menacing at the same time.

Applejack walked closer to her family. “Ain't ya the least bit happy for me, Granny?” She stared into her grandmother's eyes that seemed to be glazed over and looking far away. “Granny?” She waved her hoof in front the the elder pony's face. No response.

Twilight also came closer, cocking her head to get a better look. “I think she passed out from the shock.”

Applejack sighed. “Better bring the cart around, Big Mac.”

“Don't worry, I got this,” Spike said, squatting down and placing the unconscious pony squarely on his back, ready to carry her home safe and sound. Then he gave Applejack a smile. “Ready to go?”

She returned her husband's smile. “Yeah.”

As they set off for the Apple farm, only Pinkie remained at the train station. “Does anypony else get the feeling that from now on those two are gonna have some kind of funny little adventure that could be neatly packaged into half an hour of visual storytelling every week?” she asked nopony in particular. “No? Just me then? Okie-dokie-lokie! Lalalalala!” With that, she skipped off into the sunset.

Chapter 1: About what we did in the bedroom...

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Bang! Bang! Bang!

Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom sat at the apple family kitchen table, preparing for what would otherwise be a normal breakfast.

Yet something was different. A certain family member, who was otherwise known for her punctuality, hadn't yet emerged from the bedroom she shared with her new husband this morning.

The banging noises from upstairs were a clear indication why that was, and the dark shadows under their eyes proof that it wasn't a singular occurrence these days. While Granny tried her best to plug Apple Bloom's ears with her hooves, the muffled cries from above could be heard.

“Oh, yes! Faster, Spike! Give it to me hard!”

“Ungh! I'm about to come, AJ! Where do you want it?”

“I'm close, too. Shoot it inside of me!”

““AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!””

The cries of pleasure slowly fading, the three Apples at the table sighed in relief, only to have their ears perk up again at another shout from Applejack.

“Spike, fire!”

“Where?”

“The curtains. Get the fire extinguisher!”

“On it.”

Psssshhhhhhhtttttt!!!

“I think I got it.”

“Make sure to get all the embers. We don't want another flare-up.”

A few more minutes passed, and the newlywed couple came down the stairs, Applejack seemingly glowing with happiness, or perhaps more aptly happy with her afterglow. “Good morning, everypony!” she said brightly, only to be greeted by silent glares.

As soon as they'd sat down, Granny Smith cleared her throat. “Now listen here, youngins. Ah certainly don't begrudge you your...” She stopped, casting a glance at Apple Bloom. “... marital activities. But could ya keep it down a little? We haven't had a solid night of sleep for a week now.”

“Aw, come on, Granny. We're not that loud,” Applejack protested, looking towards her brother for support. “Are we?”

The stallion simply stared at her with an unreadable expression. “Eyup.”

Applejack blushed. “Well, what did y'all expect? I asked whether it was alright for Spike to move in here.”

“And we all gave our okay,” Granny pointed out. “But this is just too much. Three times last night, and now in the morning, too.”

“Well, it's a very fresh marriage,” Spike said in embarrassment. “And the walls are awfully thin. I already asked Twilight to look into some kind of soundproofing spell.”

“It's not just the noise, youngin! You do realize this farmhouse is made out of wood, don't ya?”

Spike hung his head. “Sorry, I'm trying my best to be careful, but...”

“Now, that's unfair, Granny!” Applejack jumped in to defend her husband. “It's a perfectly natural thing for a dragon to breathe fire when he, er...” Now it was her turn to glance at the filly at the table. “... reaches a certain point during a certain exercise.”

“But it is a problem! Never mind the smoke whenever he starts to snore, we face imminent danger of being burned out of house and home every time you two … decide to take a few dance steps together.”

Finally Apple Bloom had had enough. “For pony's sake!” she exploded. “Stop pretending like ah don't know what y'all are talking about.” She got up, walked around the table and positioned herself between the couple, laying one hoof each across their shoulders. “Spike and AJ are married adults. They have sex! There's nothing wrong with just sayin' it.”

The two of them began to blush furiously. “Apple Bloom,” AJ muttered in embarrassment.

But having picked her side in the argument, the filly went on full steam ahead as she always did, not giving much thought to her choice of words, but making them even more passionate. “Ah like having these two around, doing their thing. Ah like having a new brother-in-law, and their noises don't bother me while I'm sleeping.”

Granny Smith raised an eyebrow at that. “They don't?”

The filly shook her head. “Naw, ah've learned lots of new words just by lying awake in mah room next door and listening to them talk.” Then she turned her head to look at Spike. “That reminds me. Ah wanted to ask you guys something. What does cunnilingus mean?”

Applejack gulped hard, looking at her grandmother with a sheepish expression.

Granny Smith's head looked more like an orange right now, the green of her coat withdrawing to the rapid expansion of red, like a volcano about to blow. “YOU TWO! YOU'RE BANNED FROM HAVING SEX IN THE HOUSE FROM NOW ON!”

“What?” Applejack was taken aback. “The whole house? Where are we supposed to go?”

“AH DON'T CARE! TAKE IT OUT INTO THE ORCHARD IF YA HAVE TO! BUT KEEP A LID ON IT IN HERE!”

* * *

“I'm sorry,” Spike said dejectedly while he and Applejack were standing alone in the yard after breakfast. “This is all my fault. Do you think Granny Smith hates me now?”

“Aw, don't worry about it, sugarcube,” she reassured him. “Granny's just not fully come to terms with the situation yet, so she needs to vent a bit. Ah've seen it happen before. She'll simmer down by dinnertime. Heh. Simmer down. Get it?”

Spike gave her a look.

“Sorry, not funny.”

The dragon sighed. “Alright, you know her better than I do. I'll just try to steer clear of her for the time being.”

“Eyup. Should be fine. You going over to Twilight's?”

He nodded. “I may have moved out, but I'm still assistant #1, especially with that new castle library to manage and Celestia sending mountains of books to fill it.”

“Well, have fun at work.” She drew closer to him, closing her eyes and waiting with her lips puckered up.

Taking a look around, Spike determined that nopony else was there, so he leaned in with a blush creeping across his cheeks. “You, too. See you later, … honey.” They'd had sex plenty of times, yet a simple goodbye kiss still made his heart flutter, like it was somehow the more intimate act, even though their lips only touched briefly.

“Later, sugarcube,” Applejack replied, evidently not minding the nickname he'd used for the first time just now. Giving him a wink, she sauntered off towards the orchard for her work.

Spike couldn't help but stare after her with a dreamy smile, looking at her tail sway with her gait, giving him fleeting glimpses of that gorgeous plot. Being married sure was great.

“Oops, better get going,” he told himself.

“Eyup,” a deep voice confirmed, and Spike could feel a strong forehoof being wrapped around his neck as he was yanked into an unintentional hard left turn.

“What the...?” He went down onto the floor of the barn, looking around just as Big Mac closed the door behind them, leaving them in an ominous darkness, safe for the light that fell in through a few cracks in the old wood. It seemed like his green eyes were hard as emeralds. “Uhm, Big Macintosh. Did you need something?”

“Eyup.” The stallion drew closer, putting his considerable weight deliberately into each step until he was hovering over his new brother-in-law. “Did ya get her pregnant?”

“What?”

His eyes hardened even more, making Spike cringe back involuntarily.

“No! No, I didn't!”

“How do ya know for sure?”

“Well … uh … we … did use protection.”

“What kind?”

“Look, do you really want me to get into...”

“What kind!?” Big Mac repeated his question in a rumbling tone.

Spike took a deep breath. It looked like he wasn't gonna get out of this without giving detailed information. And of course, he knew that honesty was generally the best strategy when dealing with the Apple family. “We bought some condoms in Las Pegasus before our … wedding night.”

“Can ya prove that?”

Spike gave him an incredulous look. “Like how? Do I look like I collect used condoms to you?”

“Ey...” The stallion grunted before finally shaking his head. “Nope.”

“Hang on. I just thought of something,” Spike said, going through his bag with a sigh. He was fairly certain that he'd just stuffed it in there back then, and never bothered to take it out. Having found it all the way at the bottom, between dust and old candy wrappers, he handed Mac the crumpled piece of paper. “Here's the receipt. Happy now?”

The earth pony's eyes bulged, and he snorted angrily. “A hundred pack?”

“They were on sale?” Spike suggested, shrinking back again.

“What about this morning? We heard ya pretty good.”

Spike had to think about that for a second before he realized what he meant. Shoot it inside of me! “Oh, that. Yeah. We're not using condoms anymore.” Seeing the hulking stallion draw closer again, he waved his claws frantically. “Wait! What I mean is that we don't need 'em anymore. AJ saw her doctor about a prescription after we got back. She's on the pill now. But if you wanna see a receipt for that, you'll have to ask her, not me.”

For a moment Big Macintosh seemed like he was actually considering doing just that, but then he sat down on his haunches with a sigh. “Ah'll take yer word for it. But ah don't get it. If she's not pregnant, then why did she marry you?”

Spike scratched his cheek. “Why she married me then?”

Coming up with an idea, he resumed to stare intimidatingly. “Did ya get her drunk? If she was drunk, and now she's too stubborn to admit she made a mistake...”

“No, I didn't get her drunk. Well, not until after the wedding, anyway,” Spike protested. Frankly the notion that nopony would marry him unless their judgment was impaired was a little insulting.

“Then ya blackmailed her into it!”

“That's it! I'm not playing this game anymore,” Spike said in disgust, standing up and getting ready to leave.

“Aha! Ah got it! Ya got some brain slugs from that Pony Trek Convention and used them to brainwash her into marrying you!”

Spike almost literally fell over at that statement. “Now that's just idiotic!” he shouted. “Besides, the brain slugs from Pony Trek don't work on earth ponies! That's why Commander Biker was able to save the ship in Episode 26.”

Big Mac once again got right up in his face, their noses almost touching. “Eyup, but in Episode 37 the Illurions used an amplified resonance pulse from a modified deflector to shift the entire bridge section out of phase, resulting in an infection of all the bridge crew, including Biker. Only Lieutenant Commander Beta was immune on account of being an android.”

Spike blinked. “Big Mac. You're a Trekker?”

“That's beside the point.”

“And what exactly is the point? You do know that you're being ridiculous, right? Brain slugs and Illurions aren't real.”

Once again the stallion sighed. “Ah know. It's just that, AJ and ah grew up without our parents. Ah was the one supposed to protect her, to look out for her, to keep her from making mistakes that'd make her unhappy. And ah wasn't there.”

“And you think marrying me was a mistake?”

Big Mac gave him a look. “Ah don't know. Was it?”

Spike took a deep breath. “Look, I know we kind of hit you guys out of the blue with this thing. But we were both there, in front of that Las Pegasus city official about to go on lunch break. Granted, we had a Humgonian cosplayer as our witness, and we did get the Imperial March instead of the Bridal March...”

“Not helping yer case, Spike.”

“Sorry. What I'm trying to say is: No one was more surprised than I back then. The question was asked, and then AJ turned to look at me, and she said: 'I do.' In that instant, I promised myself that I'd do anything in my power to make her happy. And that, by Celestia, is the truth.”

Big Mac pondered that for a good, long while. Finally he unlatched the door to the barn, letting the sun back in. “Ah guess that'll have to do for now.”

“Big Mac,” Spike said with a smile, happy to have gotten through to him. “Thanks.”

Looking over his shoulder, the stallion added: “But if ya end up hurting her, life in a Humgonian prison colony will look like paradise compared to what ah'm gonna do to you.” With a grunt, he walked off to get started on his own work for today.

Spike nodded dumbly to himself. “Eyup. There was definitely a connection made here, albeit through a veiled threat regarding the legendary cruelty of a fictional warrior race. Glad we had this talk, big guy.”

Chapter 2: About what we did in the orchard...

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“Ya didn't have to come along with me, ya know,” Granny Smith grumbled while walking along the path that led from Sweet Apple Acres to the Ponyville hospital. “It's just a check-up. My hip is fine as a fiddle.”

“Ah know, Granny,” Applejack replied in a mollifying tone. “But ah was on mah way to Ponyville anyway, and we haven't spent much time together lately.”

“Hmph! And why could that possibly be? Perhaps because you and that husband of yours are bucking each others brains out, day in and day out?”

AJ chuckled in embarrassment. “Yeah, that might be one of the reasons.” Well, at least Granny had acknowledged Spike as her husband. That was progress. “Come on, now. Ya know Spike's a good guy. Is what we did really that bad?”

The older mare didn't look her in the eye. “That ain't the issue. Ah sent ya to Las Pegasus, because yer usually the most dependable out of all of us. Apple Con is our most important place to attract customers and find potential business partners.”

Hearing the disappointment in her grandmother's voice, AJ couldn't help but feel a little hurt. “It's not like ah was only playing around the whole week. Ah managed the stall at the convention, and ah even got some contracts for deliveries out west.”

Granny sighed, just as the pair had arrived in front of the hospital. “Ah know. But doing something like this on a whim … it just ain't like ya. But yer also stubborn. Since ya've made up yer mind, ah won't stand in yer way.”

With a hopeful expression, AJ asked: “So does that mean...?”

“No sex in the house,” Granny interrupted her before heading in.

“Oh.” She hung her head. This and that were two different things. “Ah'll pick ya up in an hour, Granny!” With a sigh, she continued along the path towards her own destination, steeling herself before opening the door and announcing herself with the jingle of a bell.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique!” a cheerful voice greeted her.

“Hey, Rarity,” she said lamely.

The white unicorn turned her head, having been busy with making adjustments to a dress and not having looked up at the customer until now. “Hello, Applejack,” she said in a neutral tone that seemed somehow worse than a scathing remark, giving her a long look over the rim of her designer glasses. Then she returned to her work. “What can I do for you?”

“Ah tore mah saddle straps during work today. Ah was hoping ya could fix 'em up for me.”

Rarity pointed towards a table to the side. “Put them over there. I'll be right with you.”

Applejack did that, and then she waited. And then she waited some more, the silence getting more awkward by the minute.

Eventually Rarity came over and gave the saddle a long, hard look. “My, you really did a number on those straps. This happened during work, you say? What did you do? Move a mountain to give your trees more light?”

“Uhm, you see, well, …” She gulped. “It didn't happen at work. It happened while ah was having sex with Spike.”

The unicorn sighed. “Well, good for you, bad for the garment.” She began her repair work.

Applejack was poking her hoof at the floor while listening to the sound of Rarity's sewing machine, trying to think of the best way to say what she had to say. “Look, Rarity. How mad are ya at Spike?”

Rarity, stopping her work momentarily, raised an eyebrow. “Mad at Spike?”

“Well, yeah. The way ya stormed off at the train station, he seemed pretty hurt, don't ya think? He hasn't said anything, but... Can't ya just forgive him?”

Taking off her glasses, Rarity looked her straight in the eye. “Darling, I'm not mad at Spike in the least.”

AJ cocked her head to the side. “Ya ain't?”

“No. Quite frankly, I'm more put out with you, Applejack.”

“Me? Now look here, ya made it pretty damn clear that ya didn't want to be romantically involved with Spike. When he finally got up the nerve to ask ya out last year, ya friend-zoned him so hard, it technically qualifies as a war crime. So don't blame me if ya changed yer mind.”

“That's not it. If the two of you are happy together, then I'm happy for you.”

Applejack's confusion only grew due to that answer. “Then what's yer problem?”

“Well, I'd imagine it's the same one as Granny Smith's, don't you?”

“Granny's problem?”

Rarity glared at her, but then her expression softened as understanding dawned on her face. “You really don't get it, do you?”

“Get what!?” The farmpony was really starting to get irritated. “For pony's sake, Rarity. Just say what ya mean already!”

“Come with me.” Rarity led the way upstairs to her work room. She opened a drawer and, grasping a book in her magic, hovered it over to Applejack. “Take a look at this.”

AJ involuntarily shrunk back. “This ain't another one of yer trashy romance novels, is it? Cause ah still haven't recovered from when ya told me to read '50 Shades of Neigh' yet. Ah would have never pegged ya for this kinda...”

“Just open it!” Rarity told her with a blush.

To Applejack's surprise, it turned out to be a sketchbook. It was almost full, and certain types of dresses stood out, white dresses. The sketches of the ponies themselves underneath the dresses were clear enough to recognize them. Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy. And there was one for her as well. “Rarity... When did you make this?”

“It's been an ongoing project,” the fashionista replied. “You remember when I designed our Gala attire, and the time I was called in to make Princess Cadence's wedding dress? I loved doing that. So I decided that when the time came, I'd be ready to make a wedding dress for each of my friends, so they could be just as happy. I've got ideas for the bridesmaids, too. Now do you see the problem?”

Applejack closed the book, handing it back. “We never gave ya the chance to use 'em.”

“Right. I wanted to make you a beautiful dress for your special day, because you're my friend.”

AJ shook her head. “And ah appreciate that. Really, ah do. But ya know that I hate this sorta thing.”

“Yes. But this isn't just about you,” Rarity told her sternly. “You're a practical pony, and so is Spike. Practical I mean, not a pony, of course. So you figured you'd just get the bare minimum. As long as the marriage is official, that's good enough, right?”

“Right.”

“Wrong! Did you ever stop to consider that there were ponies back home who would have liked to be part of your special day? To congratulate you and share in your happiness?”

Applejack was taken aback by that notion. “No, … ah didn't.”

“Well, consider it now. Because for a mare who values her friends and family so highly, it was a surprisingly selfish thing to do. That's what hurt. How many family photo albums does Granny Smith have filled with your pictures? Playing in the mud with pigs as a filly...”

“Ah get it.”

“Or that summer when you first started to work the orchard, got your mane covered in tree sap, and had to shave it because you couldn't get it out.”

“Ah said ah get it.” She didn't need to be reminded of that. It had been the reason she started wearing her trademark stetson.

“Or that picture of the first time you had hard cider, and you ended up taking a bath in the fountain in front of town hall.”

“Rarity!”

“And now she doesn't even have a wedding photo of you and Spike.” There was a long silence between them. “Come on. Let's get those saddle straps fixed.”

They made their way back down to the shop area, and once again the air was filled with the rattling noises of the sewing machine.

“Hey, Rarity,” Applejack finally said after several minutes of mulling over what had been said. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For opening mah eyes. Ah get it now. Ya asked Twilight if she could annul the marriage, because ya wanted us to have a proper wedding, didn't ya?”

“I'm glad you realized that.”

Applejack nodded. “Well, ah suppose we could have a late reception. Maybe even redo the vows. That … wedding dress design of yours. It would be a shame to let it go to waste.”

Rarity gave her a smile in response. As different as they were, and as much as they butted heads on occasion, this was just the way their friendship worked.

“Okay, now that that's settled. Ah'll let ya ask three questions about our relationship. Whatever yer curious about, ah'll answer it. Consider it mah way of apologizing.”

“Really?” The unicorn tapped her hoof against her chin thoughtfully. “Alright. Then, what do you love most about him?”

“The sex, of course.”

Rarity stared at her, a blush creeping across her cheeks. “That certainly was a quick answer.”

“Wasn't a very hard question.” Applejack gave her a grin, knowing full well how much her friend loved gossip. “Wanna know details? Ya got two questions left. Make 'em count.”

Rarity huffed at that. “Really, Applejack. A lady does not ask about such things,” she replied, lifting her chin. Nonetheless she gave her grinning friend a sideways glance. “What does … it look like?”

She shrugged. “Not that different from a stallion's. Little more pointed at the end, though, and it's got those little ridges at the top. Those are a treat, ah tell ya.” Her smirk deepened. “Jealous yet? Ya had yer chance with him. No going back now. Okay, last question.”

Rarity turned to look at her friend head-on. There were only two words on her mind right now. “How big?”

“Hold yer hooves up in front of you.”

“Like this?”

“Eyup, now move 'em a little further apart. Keep going. Little more. Almost there. That's it.”

The unicorn's eyes widened. “NO WAY!”

* * *

“I can't believe you told her that!” Spike complained as he sat under a tree in the west orchard, swapping stories with his wife about their respective days.

“Ah was bragging,” she admitted with a cheeky grin. “But can ya blame me? Rarity's just too much fun to mess with. Ahhhn! Oh, right there. That's the spot, Spike.”

Spike shook his head with a smile, continuing one of his famous back rubs. Seeing Applejack wiggle and moan under his touch was one of the things he'd come to enjoy the most. “I'm glad Rarity doesn't hate me. Thanks for going out of your way to talk to her, honey.”

“Mmmhhh.” She shifted her weight to lay a little more comfortably across his lap. “So what do ya think?”

“About what? Having another ceremony?”

“Yeah. Ah mean, ah don't regret doing what we did. But maybe we missed out on something. If nothing else, we owe it to our friends and family to do something. And ya know Pinkie will leap at the opportunity to organize a party.”

Spike chuckled. “True. Maybe then everypony else will stop thinking that we did it on a whim. And since we're already married, there's gonna be none of that hoof wringing or last minute drama involved, so we can have fun, too.”

“Good. That's decided then. But let's keep it simple, alright? Ah don't want this to turn into some major event.”

“Hm, fair enough. Close friends and family only then.” Spike let his gaze drift up into the evening sky, watching the first stars twinkle at Luna's command while Celestia prepared to dip the sun behind the western horizon. “What do you think we would have done if we hadn't gotten married?”

“I dunno. Had a date? Probably gone through all the motions. You know. 'Does he like me?' 'Does she find my Pony Trek poster collection geeky?' 'Is this gonna destroy our friendship?' Then, after two years or so of dating with all the anxiety that goes along with it, we would have ended up right where we are today. Ah'm glad we skipped all that.”

Spike looked back down at her. “Wait. You find my Pony Trek poster collection geeky?”

She peered back up at him from underneath the rim of her hat. “Uh-huh. But that's the great thing about being married. It means accepting the other as they are. If ah was just yer marefriend, ah probably wouldn't have let ya hang 'em up in our bedroom.”

“I'm glad you're my wife then.”

“So am ah.” Applejack repositioned herself in his lap into a straddling position. Giving him a seductive look, she leaned in closer.

Spike's lips parted to receive the kiss as he slung his arms around her waist to hold her in place. The sweet scent of her apple-based shampoo tickled his nostrils as they both closed their eyes. Emboldened by the romantic atmosphere, he made a move.

“Hm?” Applejack opened her eyes for a moment in surprise, but quickly closed them again, allowing his forked tongue access into her own mouth. The kiss lasted a long time. Every time one of them started to draw back, the other would move in again.

Feeling a fire grow in him, Spike began to rub her firm plot with his claws, squeezing every now and then. Meanwhile AJ ran her hoof along his belly, knowing that the soft scales there were one of the few actually sensitive places on his scaled body.

“Ya know what else ah'm glad about?” she asked, circling her hoof around the large scale that usually hid his private parts. “That we waited until we were married to have sex.”

Spike laughed. “True.” At the prompting, the scales shifted aside, letting his masculinity emerge. Since AJ was still in his lap, it rubbed up against her, and he could tell instantly that she was raring to go as well. “Granny Smith did say to take it out into the orchard. So how about we make some love under the stars?”

“Ah thought ya'd never ask.”

* * *

“That was some good aiming there in the final stretch, pardner,” AJ complimented her husband, licking her lips as they walked back towards the farmhouse.

“Thanks,” Spike replied in embarrassment at the dual compliment. “I'm glad I managed not to burn any of the trees down.”

“Ya think Rarity heard us?” she asked with a sly grin. “The west orchard is closest to town, and we were pretty loud.”

“Speaking of which,” he said while looking around in the darkness. “Isn't it awfully quiet around here?”

“Huh. Now that ya mention it, this is where all the fruit bats live. With dusk having come and gone, ah would have expected them to be more active. Maybe they're just sleeping in tonight.”

As the couple approached the house, they could make out the forms of Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom waiting for them on the front porch. But there was something else off about the house.

The roof was lined with fruit bats, fruit bats shivering in terror, and the fallout from that was a lot of filth staining the walls underneath where they sat. Quite simply, they'd made a mess of the building. One particular fruit bat had sought refuge atop Granny's head, which made her glare even more intimidating.

“You think this is our fault?” Spike whispered to his wife as they stopped a short distance away from them.

“Well,” she muttered under her breath. “How many animals do you know that wouldn't give a dragon mating ground a wide berth?”

“Probably should have considered that sooner, huh?” They both gave the Apple family an apologetic smile, even though they knew it wouldn't help any.

As Granny's voice thundered across the whole of Sweet Apple Acres, a flock of frightened critters lifted off into the night sky. “BANNED FROM HAVING SEX IN THE ORCHARD!!!”

Chapter 3: About what we did in the castle...

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Spike and Applejack made their way to the kitchen of the crystal castle, where Twilight had already set the breakfast table. “Good morning, you two,” the Princess greeted them. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Spike said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “We didn't get much sleep last night.”

“So I've noticed,” Twilight replied dryly.

Applejack blushed at that. “Ah thought you'd finally figured out that soundproofing spell and applied it to our room, Twi?”

“I did. But that didn't stop the shaking. This castle has the form of a tree, so it has a high center of gravity. It was fairly noticeable.”

““Sorry,”” the couple replied in unison.

“Thanks for letting us crash here for the time being,” Spike added. “We really appreciate it, especially since crystal doesn't burn.”

“It's fine,” Twilight told them. “I'm just sorry that I didn't have the spells ready earlier. You can stay as long as you like.”

“That's mighty kind of ya, Twi,” AJ said gratefully.

“Not at all. I'm glad for the company. I hadn't realized how big and empty this castle feels until Spike moved out on such short notice.”

“Twi …” The dragon heaved, putting down his coffee mug quickly. Burp! A familiar lick of green flame appeared from his mouth and a letter materialized above the table. “Pardon me.”

Twilight took hold of it with her magic. After one glance, she raised an eyebrow. “It's for you, Spike. From the Princess.”

“From Princess Celestia?” he asked, taking the letter and beginning to read.

Dear Spike,

first of all, I think congratulations are in order. Please give my regards to Applejack as well. I'm very happy for the both of you.

However, I must express that I was slightly hurt when I had to hear the news from Cadence and Twilight. It's understandable that you'd want to tell Twilight and Shining Armor first. They are your adoptive family, after all. I thought that maybe you would get around to informing me as well. Since that wasn't the case, I decided to write to you first.

I assume that it was out of a sense of humility and not wanting to take up my valuable time that you didn't ask me to officiate for your ceremony. However, I assure you that it is misplaced. Holding a wedding ceremony for my closest friends is one of the few truly joyous things about my duties as a princess.

Cadence informs me that she will bring a full Honor Guard for the Hero of the Crystal Empire. I shall bring a Royal Guard contingent as well. After all, Applejack is one of the Elements of Harmony, thus this union is also one symbolizing the bond between Equestria and the Crystal Empire.

Luna is also coming, and she's promised that this time she won't sleep through the wedding like she did last time. This wedding will be second in scope only to a royal one. Let me know the date soon, so I can make the necessary preparations.

Expecting your reply soon,
Princess Celestia I. of Equestria

P.S.: What do you think about my new signature? Luna says it makes things sound more official, but I just find it kind of silly. After all, there is probably never gonna be a Celestia II.

“Oh, boy,” the dragon said.

Applejack, who had been reading along over his shoulder, had all the color drained from her face. “Princesses? Honor Guard? Second only to a royal wedding? Spike!”

“What?”

“Ah told ya ah didn't want to make a big deal outta this!”

“Well, what do you expect me to do?” the dragon asked helplessly. “Tell the ruler of all of Equestria to mind her own business?”

“And what's this about Cadence coming? Is every royal gonna be there?”

“Well, I had to invite Shining Armor. He's like my big brother. I can't ask him not to bring his wife. Besides, how do you uninvite the Princess of Love from a wedding? So there'll be a few extra ponies showing up. So what?”

Applejack's face was starting to get red. “We said close friends and family only!”

Spike was getting a little defensive about being blamed for something he ultimately had no control over. “Yeah, and how many invitations have you sent out? Upwards of a hundred?”

“That's different! That's family!” she said while standing up from the table.

Spike also got up. “So what you're saying is that your family is more important than mine, is that it? We may not be blood, but Celestia was there when I hatched, and the Sparkle family raised me.”

“And ah don't have a problem with them! Ah don't even mind Cadence coming. It's about total strangers showing up for our wedding!”

Spike snorted. “Even if Celestia brought every Royal Guard in Canterlot, they'd still be outnumbered by the Apple Army! I'm gonna have to write a list as long as … a very long thing to even remember the names of half of them.”

“Spike, ah...” Applejack stopped herself, looking at Twilight who had sat by without saying a word during the whole argument. “Let's not fight in front of Twilight. Ah should get going.”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, let's discuss this another time. Have fun at work.”

“You, too.” They both leaned in for a quick kiss. The fight was still on their minds, but for some reason the small gesture took the worst of the sting off it, even though they hadn't technically resolved anything.

Applejack trotted off towards the farm to begin her applebucking for the day while Spike sat back down.

“So, honeymoon over, huh?” Twilight commented, drinking the last of her coffee. Spike glared at her. “What? Did you think it was all gonna be sunshine and roses from here on out? A marriage takes work.”

“I don't need to hear that from somepony who seriously considered taking a dictionary as her date to senior prom.”

Twilight gave him a stern look. “That was uncalled for, Spike.”

He shrunk back, knowing that he'd crossed a line. Moving out of Sweet Apple Acres had been hard on Applejack, who was so focused on her family. It had been the first big fight their young relationship had had to endure, and they'd both been a little on edge as a result. But being irritated wasn't an excuse for poor behavior. Spike knew that. “Sorry,” he said earnestly.

Twilight sighed. “It's alright. I really can't give you any advice in this. My domain is friendship, after all, not love. Let's just get to work.”

“Yeah.”

They both made their way to the castle library, where several carts stacked with books sat on the ground floor. The crystal bookshelves were only half filled. All in all, an entire wing had been dedicated to the library. Spike wondered if the Tree of Harmony had taken Twilight's love of books into consideration when it planted the seed for this castle.

“Alright,” Twilight said, “we've already sorted all the books we brought from the Castle of the Two Sisters. Now it's on to those Princess Celestia sent.”

“I know,” Spike said, making his way over to a desk with several lists and index cards. “First I give them an index number based on content and date of release. Then I need to cross-reference them based on alphabetical order of the authors and titles. I know the drill.”

Twilight watched him get to work with very little direction needed from her. “Spike, what are your plans for the future?”

“Future?” he asked while getting started on organizing the books. “I dunno. What do you mean?”

“I mean you don't want to be an assistant forever, do you? You're married now. So you might want to consider your career options. … Actually, I do have a proposal, if you're interested.”

“I'm listening, Twilight.”

“I told you that I intend to make the library wing of the castle open to the public, right?”

“Yeah, since Golden Oaks is gone and all. This is gonna be the only library in town for the Ponyville residents.”

They both observed a moment of silence for their former home, which had been a casualty of Tirek's rampage. “Right, but I'm a princess now. I might be called away at a moment's notice, and I can't operate a public library on an irregular schedule. It's become painfully obvious to me that I won't have the time to continue my work as town librarian. And I can't think of anypony else more suited for the job.”

“Me?” Spike asked in surprise. “Geez, I dunno, Twilight. Doesn't it take a lot of training to become a full librarian?”

Twilight nodded. “But you're already there, Spike. You've been my assistant for years. You know all that you need to know, and then some. I can certify your on-the-job training. All you'd really need to do is take one trip to Canterlot, pass an exam, and you'd be a full-fledged librarian.”

“Hm, full-time librarian, huh. Why not? Let's do it! Thanks, Twilight. You know, I really appreciate the fact that you're behind Applejack and me in this. At least you believe in us.”

“Oh, I don't,” she said cheerfully. “I'm 80% sure this marriage is gonna crash and burn within six months, and then we're gonna have to spend close to two years putting all the pieces of our friendships back together.”

Spike's jaw dropped open. “Are you sure that you and AJ didn't get your elements mixed up? Cause that was some brutal honesty. And how did you arrive at 80% anyway?”

She shrugged. “Statistical probabilities, based on divorce rates and inter-species statistics. I ran the numbers twice, just to be sure. Wanna see the calculations?”

“No, thanks,” the dragon grumbled.

The Princess then drew closer to him, wrapping one of her wings around his shoulders comfortingly. “But you know, Spike. As long as you're aiming for that 20%, then I'm 100% behind you. Because that's what friends do, and while I don't know much about being in a relationship, I do know a thing or two about friendship.”

Spike began to chuckle in spite of himself. “Yeah, I know. Thank you for that.”

“Actually, there's one more thing I can help you out with. Follow me.”

“By the way,” Spike asked with a blush, “have you found out anything regarding my … little problem?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You mean about the spontaneous combustion of your respiration process during the final stage of coitus?”

The dragon blinked, going through the strange words one by one in his mind. “You're saying about me breathing fire when I cum, right?”

Twilight frowned. “Actually I've just been trying very hard not to say that. But yes, in a nutshell.” She lowered her head. “I'm sorry, Spike. I tried my best, but you know how little information there is about dragon physiology. Maybe Zecora could help?”

He shook his head. “Already asked her, since she was the one who figured out the connection between greed and my growth. Nothing. Oh, well. It's not that important, but thanks for trying. It's really more about not destroying our surroundings rather than it actually interfering with the act.”

Twilight cocked her head in bewilderment. “Applejack doesn't mind about that part?”

“Not really. Well, there was this one time I accidentally singed her hat. She got a little mad about that.”

“Well, I can solve that problem for you.”

Spike's ears perked up at that. “Really? You can?”

“Yes.” Twilight turned around to leave the room. “Tell her to take the stetson off during sex.”

“Oh, I see … You sure you can't use your magic to make it flame retardant?” Spike asked as he tried to catch up with her. “Cause the hat kinda works for me.”

* * *

Applejack pulled the straps on her saddlebags tight and looked towards the front porch of the farmhouse. “Ah'm off then, unless ya need me to do anything else.”

Granny Smith gave her a complicated look. “No, yer good to go. We can handle the rest. Thanks for yer hard work today.”

Apple Bloom came forward to give her big sister a hug. “Have a safe trip.”

“Now, AB. Ya make it sound like ah'm off to the end of the earth. Ah'll just be across town.”

“Ah know. It just hasn't been the same since ya moved out.”

AJ placed a hoof on her head, rubbing her red mane in goodbye. “Cheer up, kiddo. At least ya got the big room now. Ya had yer eye on it forever.” She waved. “See y'all tomorrow.”

“Bye, AJ!”

The farmpony trotted down the dirt path that lead from the house to the entrance gate of Sweet Apple Acres. On her way, a certain red stallion emerged from between the trees in the late afternoon sun. “Heya, Big Mac. Done for the day?”

“Eyup,” he said with a nod. “Going home?”

Applejack nodded, although it didn't feel right. Staying with Twilight was fine, but it didn't feel like home. All her life, she'd considered Sweet Apple Acres her home. That very revelation had led her to discover her cutie mark. And that wouldn't change from one moment to the next. In fact, she wasn't sure she wanted that to change. But then, would she ever truly feel at home away from home? She loved Spike. She knew that much. But love or family shouldn't be a choice. She wasn't sure she could make a choice like that.

Big Macintosh stepped closer, bringing out a book and handing it to her.

“What's this?” Applejack asked. “My Memoirs of Playing Captain Quirk, by Over Acting. Ya borrow this from Spike?”

“Eyup.”

“Want me to return it to him?”

“Eyup.”

“With yer thanks?”

“Eyup.”

“And an apology for acting like a rotten apple towards him the other day?”

The big stallion lowered his head. “... Eyup.”

She placed the book into her saddlebag. Then she gave him a hug. “See ya tomorrow, big brother.”

She'd already started to move down the path again when Big Mac called after her. “AJ!”

“Hm?” She turned around to look at him once more.

“We all miss ya, despite the fact that yer here every day to work the farm. But it's okay, because Spike's yer family now, too. And as long as yer with family, yer always with someone who loves ya.”

Applejack smiled at him over her shoulder. “Eyup.” Big Mac was the kind of stallion who seldom spoke up, but was all the more profound when he did. At least when he didn't accuse his brother-in-law of the use of illegal and wholly imaginary brain parasites.

She had made her way down to the main gates of the orchard and took a moment to admire the setting sun. Suddenly, without warning, the world became dark around her.

“Guess who? … Ack!”

As soon as the claws had been placed over her eyes, instinct kicked in, and with a swing of her powerful back legs, a cringe-inducing crunch could be heard behind her. “What in tarnation?” She whirled around in confusion, only to see her husband sitting in the dirt behind her and covering his private parts with tears in his eyes.

“So much for romantic gestures,” he wheezed, his voice about an octave higher than usual.

“Sorry!” Applejack was quick to offer an apology. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Ya surprised me something fierce, so ah just reacted.” She leaned in closer to make sure he was okay, desperately afraid that she may have damaged something rather important in that sensitive area.

“It's alright,” Spike replied while taking the offered hoof to pull himself up. “I think my scales stopped the worst of it. Serves me right for startling a seasoned applebucker while standing behind her.”

“Yeah, why exactly did ya do that?”

“Cause I have a surprise for you.” He took a single step towards her, then stopped. “How about you just keep your eyes closed? I'll trust you not to peek.”

“Huh?”

Applejack didn't know what he had in mind, but she trusted Spike, so she let him lead her along the path while keeping her eyes closed. After a while she could feel him let go of her hoof.

“Can ah open mah eyes yet?”

“Not yet. One moment.” She could hear him take a few steps. “Alright, you can look now.”

She blinked a few times, her eyes getting used to the light again. What she saw was a small two story house. With it's wooden walls, green-colored roof tiles and capped by a red brick chimney, it nestled against the edge of the orchard like it was somehow one of the apple trees on the other side of the fence. Spike was standing in front of the main entrance with his arms spread wide.

“What do you think?” he asked excitedly.

“Think about what?”

“About living here, of course.” He closed the distance between them with two skips, pointing up the road. “See, it's right on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. So whenever you feel like seeing your family, you just have to take a few steps, take a left, and you're there. It'll be like you never moved out.”

AJ was flummoxed. “Ya want us to live here? What about you? You'd have to go all the way across town every morning to get to Twilight's.”

He shrugged. “So I walk. You may not have noticed, but you haven't exactly married the fittest guy in Ponyville. I could use the exercise. Plus, it comes with perks.”

“Perks? What perks?”

“Look around.” He made a sweeping motion with his arms to encompass the whole area. “No neighbors, since nopony wants to live so far away from the town center. So we can be as loud as we want without disturbing anypony. Plus, Twilight says she can use her magic to make the whole thing fireproof. There's absolutely no chance of us burning the house down, so to speak.”

She let her gaze drift across the cozy little home, trying to spot any disadvantages that might offset her husband's enthusiasm. “Nopony wants to live here, huh?”

“Yeah, well. It's been abandoned for a while, so it does need some fixing up. But I got access to all the self-help books in Equestria, and you've raised and destroyed plenty of barns. We can do it.”

It all did seem perfect, and he'd put so much thought into it, taken into consideration her feelings about her family. Which made what she had to say even harder. “Spike... Ah love it. Really, ah do. But there's no way we can afford it.”

“Uh, yes we can,” he countered. “Once I get my license to become Ponyville's official town librarian and make some actual money, that is.”

“Is that gonna be enough?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “Last time ah checked, librarian wasn't exactly the best-paid job in Equestria.”

“Well,” he admitted, “no. We can't afford it outright. But thanks to Twilight pulling some strings, I got an interest-free loan from the royal treasury. She said to consider it her wedding gift to us. It's enough to cover the down payment.” He opened the mailbox in front of the door and pulled out a parchment, showing it to his wife. “I already picked up the lease contract from Mayor Mare's office this morning. All that's missing is your signature.”

To AJ's surprise, he dropped down to one knee in front of her. “I know this question is usually asked before the big one we kinda, sorta already skipped, but … Do you wanna move in together?”

“Oh, Spike.” She looked at the house again, imagining herself seeing Spike off in the morning with a kiss before trotting up the road to start her workday together with her family. And it felt like this could be home. She gave him a sly look. “Just one more thing. How does the bedroom look?”

He grinned at her. “Facing east, so the sun hits it in the morning. Spacious, but still cozy. It'll look even better with my Pony Trek posters on the wall and your saddlebags on the floor.”

She couldn't help but chuckle at that, wordlessly pulling out a quill and signing her name on the document, right next to her husband's. “Say, sugarcube. Does it still hurt where I kicked ya earlier?”

“A little,” he admitted.

“Then why don't we find that bedroom ya mentioned, and ah'll use mah mouth to kiss it all better.”

Smiling broadly, the young dragon pushed open the front door to allow his blushing bride inside. “Welcome home, honey.”

“Yeah," she said, rewarding him with the brightest smile he'd seen from her since leaving Sweet Apple Acres. "Ah'm home.”

Chapter 4: About what we did at school...

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“Ngh, AJ. Don't stop. That's so good.”

Spike could hear his wife giggle underneath the bed sheets. “Oh, ya haven't seen nuthin' yet. Just wait and see what ah got planned for our first Hearts and Hooves Day.”

The dragon grinned. “This wouldn't have anything to do with you asking to borrow my Seven of Eight poster for reference material?”

“Maybe,” she replied teasingly. “Just so you know. Resistance is irrelevant.”

“Ah,” he groaned, feeling her mouth on a rather sensitive spot again. “It's resistance is futile, honey.” Nonetheless he couldn't help but correct her when it came to Pony Trek.

“Heya, you two!” Suddenly their bedroom door was flung wide open.

“Whoa!” Almost as suddenly, he felt himself being vaulted out of the bed in a knee-jerk reaction from AJ at hearing her sister's voice. “Ouch!”

“Apple Bloom!” she yelled, covering herself with the blanket while he landed behind the bed and out of sight. “Don't just come in here!”

The filly made a pouting face, knowing that AJ was defenseless against that, most of the time. “But ya said ah could visit anytime ah wanted to.”

“And ah meant it! But knock before ya enter somepony's bedroom. Granny and ah taught ya better than that.”

Apple Bloom cocked her head, then she spotted Spike peering up over the edge of the bed. “Oh, ah get it. Ya were just about to have sex. Ah'll just go wait downstairs in the living room for ya to finish. What'cha need? Half an hour?”

Applejack opened her mouth, then closed it again to think for a moment. “Yeah, half an hour should be good.”

“Alright then.” With that, the filly pulled the door closed and her hooves could be heard clattering down the wooden stairs.

AJ turned towards her husband. “Alright. Ya heard her. We got half an hour, so we might have to skip some of the usual stuff and get right down to business.”

Spike gawked at her. “Are you serious? I can't do it with your little sister being downstairs!”

She returned his look with a bemused expression. “Why not? Ya didn't have a problem while we were living at Sweet Apple Acres, and she was next door.”

“Well, that was before I knew she was actively listening in and keeping a running log on our pillow talk,” the dragon grumbled.

The two of them took a few minutes to make themselves presentable and joined Apple Bloom in the spartan-like living room downstairs. Basically it was just a couch, a coffee table and a rug.

“How come yer bedroom is so much nicer decorated than the living room?” Apple Bloom inquired.

“Well, we spend much more time in the bedroom than down here, so it hasn't been a priority,” her big sister explained. “Besides, we haven't found a piece of furniture yet that was the perfect height for...”

Spike coughed audibly. During the couple of weeks they'd been married so far, he had noticed that it was sometimes necessary to reign her honesty in with some small cue.

“Uh, never mind,” AJ said, getting the hint. They both sat down on the couch on either side of Apple Bloom. “So what is it that ya wanted?”

“Well, tomorrow is Hearts and Hooves Day, and the school is gonna host this dance in the evening.”

“So ya've told me before. What about it?”

The filly fidgeted. “Well, Granny Smith was supposed to chaperone, but her hip is acting up again. And ah can't ask Big Macintosh, cause he's gonna be outta town for a delivery. So ah was thinking, maybe the two of ya could...”

“Geez, tomorrow? That's awfully short notice, Apple Bloom,” the farmpony replied.

“Ah know. Ah wouldn't ask if there was another way. But if we don't have enough adults, the whole thing might get canceled.” There was that puppy dog look again.

“Oh, alright, ah guess.”

“Honey? Can I talk to you for a minute?” Spike asked urgently. The pair retreated to the far side of the room, whispering amongst themselves. “I understand you wanting to help your sister out, but this is our first Hearts and Hooves Day as a couple.”

“Ah know, Spike. But it's not like we made any specific plans yet.” She arched an eyebrow at his silence. “Did we?”

“I was gonna surprise you with a home-cooked dinner,” he admitted. “And the guy from Quills and Sofas found us a dining table that is, you know, the right height. Plus, sturdy enough to hold both our weight.”

She grinned at him. “So we'll pick another night for a romantic candle-light dinner and to break in that table.”

Yet Spike was still a little sullen, looking over his shoulder to make sure Apple Bloom was out of earshot. “What about Seven of Eight?”

Applejack nuzzled his cheek affectionately. “Come on, it's school event. How long is it gonna run? Nine o'clock? Ten if ya figure in clean-up. We'll still have plenty of time to get back home and service the collective.”

Spike was still unconvinced. He'd wanted their very first Hearts and Hooves Days to be special, after all. Then he felt somepony tug on him from behind.

He turned around to see Apple Bloom staring at him with those wide, innocent eyes. “Pleeeaaassse?”

He groaned, trying to tear his eyes away from the adorable attack that was now squarely focused on him. He sighed, slumped his shoulders and finally admitted defeat. “Fine, we'll both be there.”

Seeing the little filly's bright smile, almost made him feel like he hadn't been played like a lute just now. Almost. “Great! And can ya whip up some of yer famous punch?”

* * *

Applejack and Spike stood off to the side of the school's gymnasium, not sure exactly what to do other than looking the part of two responsible adults on the lookout for potential trouble. The place had been decorated by the students with lots of hearts, obviously. And while the disco ball hanging overhead seemed a tad tacky, Spike couldn't help but feel that it was something else that was off.

He turned his head to find Applejack looking at him with a smile. “What?”

“Nothing,” she replied. “Ah just thought ya looked good in a tux.”

He tugged at his red bow-tie. “I feel like an overdressed idiot.”

“How do ya think ah feel?” she asked sarcastically. Always the practical one, AJ didn't have much of a wardrobe for such events. So she'd simply dusted off the dress she'd worn to the Grand Galloping Gala. “Ah hate dressing up like this.”

He glanced over at her. And as much as Spike would be the first to say that her natural beauty was there whatever she was wearing, he had to admit that the sight of her in formal wear had a definitive effect on him. “Pity,” he said simply. “I kinda like the way your mane falls over your shoulder when you have it in a braid like that.”

To his surprise, she actually blushed at the compliment. “Uh, thanks. It's just a chore to get it to look like that when all you've got to work with are hooves.”

Now the dragon began to blush as well. “I could always do it for you,” he offered. “Opposable thumbs do come in handy sometimes.” He wasn't exactly sure how that suggestion was gonna go down. Quietly he wondered whether Shining Amor would ever suggest something like that to Cadence.

Her reaction was far more subdued than he'd expected. “Well then, ah might wear it like that more often, if ya like it so much and all.”

It was then that a mare with a cerise coat trotted up to them. “Hey, you two. Enjoying yourselves?” Miss Cheerilee asked.

The couple exchanged a look. “Uh, sure,” Spike said while Applejack could only give her a forced smile.

The teacher's face fell. “Don't say anything. It's a complete disaster.”

“Aw, come on. It's not that bad,” AJ tried to reassure her.

“Isn't it? Look around you.” Cheerilee swept her hoof across the dance floor, the empty dance floor that was. The colts were standing off to one side of the gym while the fillies had gathered on the opposite wall, avoiding it like it was a minefield. “I don't know why I bothered with the dancing lessons. It was the students themselves who talked me into it.”

“Dancing lessons, huh?” Applejack mused. “Didn't have those when we were in school.”

Cheerilee gave her a puzzled look. “Of course we did.”

“We did?” The farmpony narrowed her eyes.

“Yeah, it was one of those summer electives they used to offer during the break, at least until they cut the budget on that. Don't you remember?”

“Now that ya mention it. Ah just never took one of them courses, cause ah would always work the orchard during summer vacation,” she admitted.

Cheerilee sighed. “Too bad. I was hoping they might get over their nerves if somepony got the ball rolling. And since you just got married, I was hoping you could do that for me.”

“Sorry. But we didn't even dance at our wedding. Wouldn't know how. Right, Spike?”

He gave her a look. “That was just because all they had at AppleCon was line dancing. I can dance.”

His wife blinked at him. “Ya can?” First time she'd heard of it.

He nodded. “Of course I can. I spent half of my childhood in and out of Canterlot Castle. Twilight wasn't the only one who received an education from Celestia, you know. She didn't want us to make fools of ourselves when we were among the Canterlot elite.”

Applejack's eyebrow shot up. “No offense, sugarcube. But if yer dancing is anything like Twilight's...”

He frowned at that. “Hey, is it so hard to believe that there's one or two things in the world I'm better at than Twilight?”

“Of course not,” she replied quickly. “But this is something you learned as a kid, right? When was the last time ya actually put it into practice?”

Spike scratched his cheek. “Well, I don't practice it all the time if that's what you mean. But I brushed up on my skills in preparation for the Gala and Shining Armor's wedding.”

Cheerilee had been watching their exchange with interest. “In that case. Would you mind, Applejack?”

“Huh? Oh, uhm, of course not.”

The two mares looked at Spike. “What?” the dragon asked in confusion. It seemed like they had just decided on something that somehow involved him, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

Applejack gave him a light bump in the side for that. “Don't be rude, Spike. Miss Cheerilee would like to dance. And here ah thought you were a gentledrake.”

He looked back at the teacher who was giving him an expecting look. “O-oh,” he said, finally getting the hint. “Alright then. If you're okay with it, honey.” He extended a claw to Miss Cheerilee. “May I have this dance?”

“Of course,” she replied, placing her hoof in his claw. Spike was keenly aware that all eyes were on them as he led her out into the middle of the empty dance floor. “Sorry about making you do this,” she whispered to him while giving Vinyl Scratch over at the music station a nod. “Just one dance, so we can get the students out of their shells.”

“It's fine,” he said. As a slow piece started playing, he placed his right hand on her barrel and kept holding her hoof with his left. “It's just that I'm not used to being the center of attention.”

Despite the inherent problem of a bipedal dragon dancing with a four-legged pony, Spike made it look easy as he took the first few steps, leading easily while Cheerilee followed his rhythm without a problem.

Once they'd gotten used to each other, Spike felt comfortable enough to make the steps a little more intricate, but kept the change gradual as to not throw off his partner. Soon they were gliding effortlessly across the floor, as if they'd done this so often they could do it in their sleep.

Some of the fillies on the one side of the room were making low squealing noises, enraptured by the sight in front of them.

The colts opposite from them shuffled nervously. During lessons, they'd always been paired up. But now it was up to them to invite a dance partner, a task made even harder by the Hearts and Hooves Day atmosphere around.

Out of the corner of his eye, Spike could see the pair of Snips and Snails talking to one another. “Alright, I'm just gonna ask her,” the plump Snips said after draining his plastic cup of punch with one gulp. “What's the worst that could happen?”

“Here we go,” Spike whispered to Miss Cheerilee as he spun her around so she could see her student cross the imaginary boundary that had been dividing the room.

His choice of a dance partner startled both of them initially. “Diamond Tiara. Would you like to dance with me?”

The filly was simply looking at him, but it was her best friend Silver Spoon who answered. Both fillies were wearing matching dresses that looked ridiculously expensive, no doubt sponsored by their fathers. “Are you being serious? There's no way DT would dance with somepony like you!” She accented that sentiment with a laugh.

Snips was already turning away, probably having strongly considered this outcome beforehand. But he was stopped by a pink hoof being laid on his shoulder. “I think I'd like to dance.”

“What?” Silver Spoon demanded in a strangled outcry.

“R-really?” It seemed like Snips was just as incredulous.

Diamond Tiara nodded, and they both made their way out onto the floor. Of course their steps were a lot more basic and awkward than those of the two adults, but Spike couldn't help but smile when he saw that dumbfounded grin on the colt's face.

“Just goes to show,” the dragon mused. “You'll never know what she'll say if you don't ask.”

“That how you got AJ to marry you?” Cheerilee asked playfully.

“Basically.”

Now that the unlikely pair of Snips and Diamond Tiara had taken their first turns, the rest of the students seemed to take some heart. More and more of the colts got up the nerve to ask some of the fillies to dance.

In a charge led by, to nopony's surprise, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, some of the fillies even turned things around and asked the colts to dance. Spike had a sneaking suspicion that ballroom dancing was somehow related to the CMC's latest attempt at getting their cutie marks, which would explain why Apple Bloom had been so desperate to enlist their help, so the event could take place.

The music stopped, and Spike and Cheerilee parted. “Well,” she said. “I don't think I've danced like that in a long time. Thank you, Spike. That was lovely.”

He took a bow. “It was my pleasure, Miss Cheerilee.”

“Uhm, Miss Cheerilee?”

She turned to see one of her students standing there with a blush. “Yes, Snails?”

The lanky colt gulped. “Would you … would you dance with me next?”

“Sure,” she told him, and Spike couldn't help but chuckle inwardly as he recognized that same dumb grin that had been on his best friend's face after he'd asked Diamond Tiara. So Snails was into older mares, huh?

Then Spike could feel somepony tip him on the shoulder. He turned around to see Twist standing there. “Mr. Spike? Would you dance with me as well?” the filly with the red mane and glasses asked.

To his surprise, there were several other fillies standing behind her. “Me too!” “I'd like to dance as well!” “Yes, please! Me as well.”

“Wait. All of you?”

“You made quite an impression out there,” Cheerilee whispered to him while starting her dance with Snails. “Just go along with it.”

“Er, alright then,” he said a little embarrassed. “One after the other. I promise I'll get around to all of you. But since you asked first ...” He offered his claw to Twist, and the filly squealed in delight.

About an hour later, having handled as many male students as she could, Cheerilee rejoined Applejack at the snack table. “Phew, looks like this evening isn't gonna be a disaster after all, thanks to Spike,” she said happily.

“Eyup,” AJ replied in neutral tone, getting herself another cup of punch. Then she went back to watching her husband dance with a gloomy expression.

“Applejack? You alright?”

“Eyup,” she replied again, wrestling with the complicated feeling she had inside of her. She wasn't really jealous. She knew that Spike was just humoring the foals, and they were having a great time as a result. But part of her now wished that they had gone with the romantic dinner instead. This was their first Hearts and Hooves Day as a couple, yet she'd spent it watching him from afar due to her non-existent dancing ability. "Shoulda made use of that half hour yesterday," she muttered to herself.

“I never knew that he was so good with kids,” Cheerilee commented.

“Me neither,” AJ told her, watching how he approached Silver Spoon. The filly had been sulking ever since her best friend had been whisked away by Snips. Due to her reaction, none of the colts had asked her to dance. When he offered her his claw, she turned her head with a 'hmpf.' Then she started to blush, glancing to see if he'd withdrawn his offer yet, and finally she accepted the invitation.

“I'm really happy for you,” Cheerilee told her then. “Between you, me and Rarity, I never really thought you'd be the first mare from our class to get married.”

“Guess ah was just lucky to find the right guy ahead of y'all.”

The music stopped and the light dimmed a little more than it had before. Vinyl could be heard over the speakers. “This is it, fillies and gentlecolts. With the evening almost over, this is the last dance. So grab that special somepony if you got 'em, or just enjoy the song. Good night and Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, everypony.” A glance at the clock revealed that it was almost nine o'clock.

Applejack looked around in the dim light for her husband, only to find him already standing in front of her, claw extended. “Applejack? I saved the last dance for you.”

Wordlessly, she placed her hoof in his claw and followed him out onto the dance floor with a smile.

* * *

“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Applejack had been apologizing for a solid five minutes in the dark locker room behind the gym while Spike had been cooling his sore feet in a bowl of cold water from the nearby shower room.

“I told you, it's alright,” he said once more, trying to wiggle his toes to see if the feeling in them was back yet. “But seriously, you should stop giving Twilight grief about her dancing. Even she didn't manage to step on my toes that much while we were learning back in Canterlot.”

Applejack hung her head. “Ah guess ah'm just not wife material,” she said dejectedly. “Ah just never learned things like dancing or all that fancy stuff.”

He shrugged. “So you got four left hooves. So what? Nopony's perfect. I married you anyway.”

She looked away. “Some bride ah turned out to be. When ah saw ya out there today, I really thought that ah missed out on something, not being able to dance at our wedding.”

He shook his head. “It's not like we have to do it. It's just a silly tradition. After all, we're already married.”

“Ah know. But ah want to. Ah wanna go out onto the floor at our wedding reception and look like ya did with Cheerilee today. At least the one dance... Will ya teach me?”

Spike hadn't thought that this was gonna be so important to her. He was seeing a new side of his wife for the first time. Then he gave her a smile. “Of course I will. How hard can it be?” His smile turned into a grin. “We're perfectly in sync otherwise. All we have to do is translate that from the bedroom to the dance floor.”

Finally she managed to give him the smile that suited her best in his mind, a naughty one. “So this is gonna be dirty dancing then, is it?”

“If the horseshoe fits,” he joked.

Applejack drew herself up to give him a kiss. “Ah love ya.”

“I love you, too.”

They kissed again, longer this time, and they both could feel their body heat rising. “Sorry for ruining our first Hearts and Hooves Day together, and for stepping on yer feet so much.”

“It's alright,” he told her again.

“No, it ain't,” she protested in mock seriousness. “Ah wanna make up for it.”

“You don't have to ...” Spike stopped as she slid down lower on his body, reaching that certain place and sticking out her tongue. His pride had already been pressing against the protective scales during the kiss. Now it was reaching out to meet her lips. “Or maybe you should decide whether or not you want to … Ohhhh.” He shuddered.

She looked up at him, her green eyes shining in the darkness. “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, sugarcube,” she said before wrapping her lips around his tool.

Spike moaned softly while putting his claw on her mane, gently stroking it. “Yeah.”

* * *

15 minutes later the two of them stood in the flooded gymnasium alongside Cheerilee. All three of them were drenched, their fine clothes soaked. “Well, at least the students were already gone by the time it happened,” Cheerilee stated.

“Yeah, lucky us,” Spike commented dryly, just as the sprinkler system overhead finally stopped the downpour.

An earth pony stallion with a red helmet walked up to them. “We turned the system off. No obvious source of ignition or signs of a sustained burn. But you're gonna have some water damage.”

Cheerilee nodded. “Well, the gymnasium was due to be remodeled anyway.” So she said, although she knew how well this unexpected expense would go over with Mayor Mare. “At least nopony was hurt. That's the important thing. Any idea what caused the fire alarm to go off in the first place if there was no fire?”

The firefighter pony shrugged. “Can't say for sure. All we know is that the alarm was tripped in the locker rooms. My guess, you've got a prankster on your hooves. Ma'am.” With his job done, he inclined his head and left.

“Hm, I'd hate to think that one of my students would cause such trouble on purpose,” Cheerilee muttered to herself, then looked at Spike and AJ. “You two were back there, weren't you? Did you see anypony suspicious around?”

“Well, actually, … the truth is …” Applejack started.

Spike coughed, then gave her a look.

“Nope,” Applejack said with a decently straight face, since it wasn't technically a lie. “Ah can honestly say that ah didn't see anypony back there but us.”

“Maybe it was just a fault in the system,” Spike suggested. “The building is pretty old.”

“I guess so,” Cheerilee admitted. “It'll just have to remain a mystery. Well, I better start cleaning this mess up.”

“We'll help,” Applejack said, then gave her husband a guilt-ridden look.

Spike frowned. They had just gotten away with it, too. And it wasn't like the truth would change anything. Finally he placed his claw over his eyes with a sigh. “Go ahead if you must.”

“Cheerilee, wait,” Applejack began. “Here's what really happened ...”

She did forgive them in the end, but not before pressing Applejack for a very detailed account of what they'd been up to in that locker room, which led to Applejack giving a vivid demonstration of her technique on a banana that made Spike blush furiously while Cheerilee began taking notes out of sheer habit.

Chapter 5: About what we did at the market...

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Applejack yawned as she descended the stairs this Saturday morning, heading for the kitchen. She smiled as the smell of fresh waffles tickled her nostrils on the way down.

“Morning, honey,” Spike greeted her cheerfully.

She lingered in the door for a minute, grinning to herself, admiring how he stood there at the stove, clad in that frilly apron with the heart printed on it.

Noticing his wife's glance, Spike sighed. “What? You know how tough those...”

“... those blueberry stains are to get out of yer scales,” she finished for him and drew closer to give him a quick kiss. “Ah didn't say nothing. Besides, ah think ya look sexy in pink,” she added, lightly slapping her tail against his bottom as she made her way over to the coffee maker.

“So you don't want me to take it off?” he asked slyly.

“Oh, ah want ya to take it off, alright. Ah think it's about time we tested whether or not that dining table really will hold our weight.” She suddenly stopped, staring out the kitchen window in confusion. “Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we at war?”

The dragon turned to look at her. “Well, I haven't had the chance to read the paper today, but not that I know of. Why do you ask?”

“Cause there's an army in front of our house,” she replied, pointing with her hoof.

When they stepped out their front door, the couple was greeted by a blaring of dozens of trumpets and fanfares by the assembled Royal Guard. Unable to ask what was going on, they simply stood there dumbfounded.

When they finally stopped, a tall, white alicorn stepped out of the midst of the ponies. “Hello, Spike. Applejack.”

“Princess Celestia,” Spike said, bowing in reflex, with his wife following suit. “I...”

He was interrupted by yet another blast of flugelhorns, coming from the Crystal Guards that had drawn up in formation opposite their Canterlot counterparts. When they were done, a pink alicorn joined the Princess.

“Cadence.” Having known her since the time she was Twilight's foalsitter, she'd made a point of the fact that it wasn't necessary for him to address her with her full title.

“It's good to see you...”

Once again the Royal Guard orchestra blared their fanfares loudly when an annoyed Twilight joined her fellow princesses, waving a hoof to cut the traditional introduction short. “Sorry, Spike. They arrived unexpectedly this morning. There wasn't time to send word ahead.”

“It wasn't our intention to make a big deal out of this,” Celestia said, earnestly apologetic. “It's just that some in our party were very eager to see you.”

“Like family,” Shining Armor, stepping next to his wife, said with a grin. But it didn't end there. Immediately behind followed his parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light.

“Shin...”

This time Spike didn't even get a full word in, as the Crystal Guards once again lifted their flugelhorns to their lips to announce the arrival of their Prince.

Meanwhile the Canterlot Royal Guards were frowning at them. The very second they were done, the Canterlot side picked up with a new sound of music, even though they had nopony left to announce.

Equally out of royalty to actually sonicate, the crystal guards immediately picked up again, before the other side was even finished.

So the Royal Guards did all they could do, play louder. And since they were playing different tunes while trying to play over each other, their dissonant orchestra grew louder by the second.

At some point, all Spike and AJ could do was to plug their ears while Celestia and Cadence unsuccessfully tried to shout over the sound battle that had broken out for their guards to stop.

Suddenly the ground began to shake. “CEASE THY INCESSANT DUEL OF WIND INSTRUMENTS THIS INSTANT OR THOU SHALT FACE THE WRATH OF THINE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!!!”

The music stopped abruptly, with some undignified notes here and there due to lips curling in fear.

Between Celestia and Cadence stepped a rather groggy-looking Princess of the Night, with dark lines under her eyes and a hideous case of bed mane. She scowled wordlessly at the Royal Guards, then at the Crystal Guards for good measure. Her own entourage was tastefully small, just two night-pony guards and that was it.

Luna turned to look at Spike and Applejack. “Congratulations on your recent entering into a maritime union.” Her pet possum, Tiberius, hopped down from her back, delivering a present wrapped in black paper and adorned with a dark blue ribbon to Applejack, who mumbled her thanks. The Princess then yawned loudly. “Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going back to the castle to get some shut-eye. And if anypony even thinks about lifting their lips to those hellish instruments again, my sister isn't the only one who knows how to banish ponies to the moon.” With that said, she turned and began to march off. Prudently, none of the guards decided to play her out.

Celestia gave them an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that. Spike, I'll see you later at the castle, where we can talk more about the wedding preparations.” Then the Princess of the Sun hurried to catch up with her sister. “Luna, that was very rude.”

“If you want me to be presentable, Tia,” Luna shot back acidly, “then don't yank me onto the morning express without warning right after the night shift ends. 'Five Nights at Donut Joe's 2' just came out. Do you have any idea how many nightmares I've had to deal with last night?”

“Also, I'm pretty sure you meant to say marital union back there, not maritime union.”

“Didn't you say they got married on a boat or something?”

“I said they got married in Las Pegasus during a Pony Trek convention.”

“See, I knew ships figured in there somewhere. No wonder they didn't ask you. They probably got Captain Quirk to hold the ceremony for them. How awesome is that?”

Celestia groaned as they walked out of earshot. “Ugh, just go back to sleep, Luna.”

The Royal Guard made an about-face to follow their Princess while Cadence shooed her Crystal Guard back to give the family some room.

Twilight Velvet was the first to let her excitement get the better of her, closing the gap quickly and wrapping Spike in a hug. “Oh, Spike. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!” She ruffled the scales on his head with one hoof. “Just look at you. You've grown so much. I can hardly believe you're the same little baby dragon who used to throw up over my shoulder when he had too many gems.”

“Cut it out, Auntie! You're embarrassing me,” Spike replied with a blush, but returned the hug nonetheless.

Night Light extended his hoof with a smile and shook Spike's claw. “Congratulations, son. We're very happy for you.”

“Thanks, Uncle Night Light.”

Shining Armor was far less formal, greeting the dragon with a brohoof. “Congratulations, Spike. Now, I realize this ceremony is after the fact. But you gotta let me throw you a bachelor party.”

“If you want. I never got to apologize for messing up yours.”

The Prince gave him a broad smile. “Then we'll just have to make yours twice as awesome to make up for that, won't we?” Catching his wife's raised eyebrow and small cough, he quickly added: “Within reason, of course.”

“Are you all staying at Twilight's then?” Applejack asked, a little unsure of how to act around a family that wasn't her own until recently.

“Yeah, about that,” Twilight said. “You remember what I said about the castle feeling a little empty?”

Spike and AJ both nodded.

“Forget I said anything. As the resident princess, I'm kinda expected to host the visiting royalty. Which wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that Ponyville doesn't have a garrison. So all the guards are staying at the castle as well. I even had to put up some tents in the library wing. So, Spike. Could you do me a favor and let mom and dad stay with you while they're here?”

“Only if it isn't too much trouble,” Night Light added.

“Of course not, Uncle. We'd be happy to have you,” Spike replied immediately. Then he turned to his wife. “That's alright with you, isn't it, honey?”

“Aw, shucks,” Applejack said a little evasively. “Ya know ah would never turn away family. But we haven't even had the time to furnish the guest room yet. It's just a mattress and an old drawer.”

“That's fine,” Velvet assured her. “Quite frankly, we were looking forward to getting away from all the hustle and bustle of Canterlot for a while.”

AJ gave Spike a look, seeing the request in his eyes. “Well then, of course yer welcome to stay. Let me help ya with yer bags.”

“Don't worry, I got it,” Spike said eagerly.

“Sorry, son,” Night Light said, putting a hoof around Spike's shoulders. “You gotta come back to the castle with me. We're already late as it is.”

“Late? Late for what?”

“Didn't Princess Celestia tell you? As her wedding gift, she's arranged for you to take your librarian's exam right here in Ponyville, saving you the trip to Canterlot. And I'm gonna administer it, in my function as royal adviser.”

Spike's eyes went wide. “Exam? Today!? But I … I haven't even studied!”

Twilight gave him a calming smile. “I told you already, Spike. You know everything you need to know and more.”

“I am sure you do,” Night Light encouraged as well, but then gave him a serious look. “But that doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you. You know I don't play favorites when it comes to my job.”

Spike gulped audibly, not noticing the wink Night Light gave his daughter and her subsequent giggle.

“Good luck, Spike!” Applejack called after him as they marched off with the royalty in tow, leaving her alone with Twilight Velvet. There was a moment of awkward silence. “So, uh, Mrs. Twilight. Did you have breakfast yet?”

“Oh, Applejack. Please call me Velvet,” the unicorn mare replied. “Unfortunately we only had time for a snack during the train ride over.”

“Well, then. You're in luck. Cause Spike made his special … uh-oh.” With a mad dash, Applejack made her way back to the kitchen.

Curiously, Velvet followed in her hoof steps, only to see a billowing cloud of black smoke rise from the kitchen door. “Oh, dear.” She fired up her horn immediately, opening the window on the far side of the kitchen and venting the smoke with a magical breeze.

“Cough, cough, aw shucks, so much for the waffles,” AJ said dejectedly, sitting in front of the burnt remnants of their intended breakfast.

“Phew, we're lucky. Doesn't look like anything worse happened.”

“Yeah, thanks to Twilight. Guess these are the benefits of a fire-proof homestead. Just give me a sec. Ah'll whip up something else.”

“Oh, please don't trouble yourself, Applejack. I'll do it.” Velvet pointed at the farmpony's soot-covered coat. “Why don't you go and get cleaned up in the meantime, dear?”

“Ah guess so. Holler if ya need help finding anything.”

“Don't worry,” Velvet assured her with a smile, getting to work by getting some ingredients from the cupboards. “You just go wash up. I'll take care of it.”

Ten minutes and a shower later, Applejack returned to the kitchen, ready to offer her help, only to discover Velvet humming to herself as she put freshly made pancakes on the table. Not only that, she'd also somehow gotten rid of the burning smell from the ruined waffles and cleaned the dirty dishes in the sink seemingly as an afterthought. “There you are. Dig in.”

“Uh, thanks,” Applejack replied as she took a seat. After one bite, she couldn't help but moan at the sweet, velvety texture of the pancakes. “Oh, wow. These are great.”

As Applejack began to chow down, Velvet watched with a smile, levitating a small piece with her fork to her mouth before taking a sip of her coffee.

Suddenly self-conscious of her manners, Applejack swallowed what was in her mouth, dabbed it clean of the syrup that was around her lips and began to eat more slowly.

“I've been thinking,” Velvet said. “We should celebrate Spike's promotion tonight by making his favorite dessert.”

“That's a great idea,” Applejack agreed, then stopped, suddenly realizing something. “What … exactly would his favorite dessert be?”

The unicorn blinked. “You don't know? Why, it's Sapphire and Saffron Cake of course.”

“Right, course it is.” How could she not know that? It wasn't even the first time it had happened. Only recently, his knowledge of dancing had taken her by surprise as well, and she had to admit that she knew hardly anything about Spike's life before he moved to Ponyville. “Ah'm … not really sure how to make that.”

“Then it's a good thing I'm here, isn't it?” Velvet said brightly. “Don't worry. Auntie will teach you.”

* * *

Later that day, the two mares found themselves in the Ponyville market. Yet Applejack's mind couldn't be further away from baking as she watched Velvet shop for the ingredients they'd need. Her mind kept thinking of things she should know about her husband, but didn't.

She knew he was brave, smart and dedicated. He had a sense of humor that somehow always managed to make her smile. She knew that she could always be honest with him, because he accepted her for who she was, a trait that she'd found sorely lacking in any stallion she'd ever considered dating. She knew she loved him. And at the time of their spontaneous wedding ceremony, that seemed to be all she needed to know.

That fact hadn't changed, but there was this nagging feeling that she wanted to know more. And here was the perfect opportunity, to ask a mare who'd known him all his life, who seemed to regard him as much her child as she did Twilight and Shining Armor. But how to broach the subject?

“Looking to buy a TV?”

“Huh?” Velvet's question had taken her by surprise. She'd only been staring into space, lost in thought. But now she realized that she had stopped in front of Ponyville's one and only electronics store, making it seem like she'd been looking at the television set in the store window.

“Let's go inside.” Velvet opened the door, and AJ followed her without comment. “I noticed that you don't have a TV in your living room.”

“Yeah, ah suppose it's common in most cities nowadays to have one. But hardly anypony in Ponyville does.” For now, Applejack decided to just go along, making a show of checking out the cheapest set available.

“Oh, you don't want that one,” Velvet insisted, steering her towards a bigger screen. “This one's got a VHS recorder integrated.”

Applejack gulped at the price tag. “Ah don't think we can afford that.”

“Nonsense. I'll pay for it. I was at my wits end trying to think of a wedding present for the two of you. This is perfect.”

“Uh, that's mighty kind of ya, Velvet. But there's no way ah can accept that. It's just so expensive.”

Velvet waved her hoof. “I won't hear anymore of this. Look, I have a son who married a princess and a daughter who became a princess. There's really no point in buying expensive gifts for them. At least you and Spike can...”

“Ladies!” they were suddenly interrupted by the salespony. “Looking to buy a new television set?”

Before Applejack could interject, Velvet had already engaged in conversation. “Perhaps.”

The farmer groaned inwardly. She knew the stallion. Until recently he'd been selling cherries next to her apple stand at the market, and he was as shrewd as they came. There was no way a city pony like Velvet would be able to deal with him.

“You've got a good eye, ma'am,” he said extravagantly, tapping the TV set with his hoof. “This here is our best-selling product. The latest in magic viewing pleasure, surround sound, tape recorder, and with the new and improved magic wavelength modulator, it doesn't even need an antenna. Only twelve hundred Bits.”

The unicorn looked at the set, then at the clerk. “Excuse me, but I bought one with the same features just last year in Canterlot. And it was only six hundred Bits.”

He nodded, undeterred by her assertion. “But that was the old model. This one's newer.”

“And what exactly makes it so much better?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“This one is Broad Definition!”

“Velvet, let's just leave,” Applejack said, trying to keep her from getting swindled out of her money. “We don't need a TV that badly.”

The unicorn held up one hoof, squinting at the sticker on the set. “It only says that it's BD Ready. And that doesn't really mean a thing, since that technology underwent a recall. If anything, it lessens the value due to a totally useless feature.”

The salespony was taken aback. “Well, alright then. I see that you know your stuff. I'll make you a deal. A thousand Bits.”

Velvet was unimpressed. “That's still over fifty percent more than I would pay in Canterlot.”

“Look, lady. I'm the only one who sells these here. If you want them cheaper, then why not buy one in Canterlot?” he replied, hardening his stance in the knowledge of having the market cornered.

Far from being cowed by his negotiation tactics, however, Velvet smiled. “You know what? That's a great idea!”

He blinked. “It … is?”

She nodded happily. “Of course. But why stop at one? I should go into business myself, seeing as you're the only competition. I could get a dozen of these in Canterlot. At six hundred a piece, they'll probably even give me a discount. Even if I added the cost for transport, I'll still make my money back by selling them at eight hundred, undercutting your prices by a third.”

“You … you can't do that!” he blurted out, flaring his nostrils at the prospect of getting run out of his business. Yet, he turned to Applejack a little bit less sure. “Can she?”

Seeing Velvet wink at her, Applejack pretended to think about that. “Probably not,” she admitted. “You know what it's like to go to city hall and get a business permit around here.”

“Right,” he said, relaxing visibly. “That place is a madhouse.”

“Then again,” Applejack mused, as if the thought had just occurred to her. “This is the mother of Equestria's newest princess we're talking about here. Ah'm sure Princess Twilight could expedite the process. Mah guess, ya'd be outta business by the end of the month.”

The stallion gaped at her, knowing that coming from Applejack, it had to be the truth if they really went for it. Caught between a rock and a hard place, he looked back and forth between the two grinning mares before finally slumping his shoulders in defeat. “Seven hundred,” he mumbled. “I gotta make some money off this deal.”

“I assume that includes delivery and setting up?” Velvet asked cheerfully.

“Well, normally ...” He stopped himself. “Course it does. I'll come by this afternoon to take care of it personally.”

It only took a couple of minutes for the payment and giving him the delivery address. Then it took a couple of extra minutes for Velvet to give him a promise in writing not to open a royally endorsed electronics store in Ponyville.

“Ah gotta admit,” AJ said as the two mares stepped outside. “Ah hadn't pegged ya for such a savvy business pony.”

“Please,” Velvet replied with a chuckle. “I'm a writer. Have you ever tried negotiating a book deal? Compared to how cutthroat the publishing industry can get, that guy was tame.”

The farmpony nodded, then stopped as she remembered the words Velvet had spoken earlier, but didn't get to finish:

Look, I have a son who married a princess and a daughter who became a princess. There's really no point in buying expensive gifts for them. At least you and Spike can...

“Velvet, can ah ask ya something?”

The unicorn turned around, realizing that she had stopped walking. “Of course, dear.”

“Ah know that Spike calls you his aunt. And ah know he regards himself as part of yer family. Why, he and Twilight are as close as any siblings ah know. Ah was just wondering, … how do you see Spike?”

Velvet drew a step closer to her. “I love him,” she said simply. “Spike might not be my biological son, but he's just as precious to me as Twilight and Shining Armor are. That's why I'm so happy that he's found a wonderful mare to spend his life with.”

Applejack lowered her head, hiding her eyes under the brim of her stetson. “Then … ah suppose that makes you mah … mother-in-law, doesn't it?” she blurted out.

“Is that … a problem for you?”

Hearing the sadness in the older mare's voice, Applejack looked up. “No, that's not it!” she reassured her quickly, not wanting to give her the wrong impression. She poked the ground with her hoof. “It's just … Ah didn't have a mother growing up. Not that ah didn't have a loving family, mind ya. But ah never had a relationship to model my own after. So sometimes it feels like ah don't know what to do, and ah've realized that ah don't know Spike as well as ah maybe oughta. If that happens … would it be alright if ah came to you for advice?”

Instead of answering right away, Velvet drew closer, laying a gentle hoof across her shoulders and pulling her into a soft embrace. “Oh, Applejack. Of course it is. There's no way I could replace your mother. But I'm here for you. We're family now.”

Family. At the mention of that word, as she leaned into the hug, Applejack remembered what she'd known all along. There was nothing more important to her than family, and Spike did come with a pretty amazing one. “Thanks, … Auntie.”

Chapter 6: About what we did in front of the TV...

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“So, what is it that you wanted to know, dear?” Velvet asked with a sideways glance as the two mares stood in the kitchen, preparing some food for later in the evening.

“Huh?” Applejack looked up from mixing the batter. She'd been so caught up in worrying about how to approach the subject that she hadn't even thought about exactly what she wanted to ask. “Oh, well. Ah was just thinking that ah didn't really know anything about Spike's life before he moved to Ponyville.”

“Then I'm the right pony to ask. I don't mean to brag, but I probably know him the best, except for Twilight perhaps. I practically raised him.”

Applejack nodded. It wasn't really that important, but it had been a question that she'd never really gotten a satisfactory answer to before. So it seemed like a good place to start. “Then, can ya tell me where his obsession with Pony Trek comes from?”

Velvet blushed. “Oh, I suppose I'm to blame for that, truth be told.”

“How's that?”

“Because I wrote for the show.”

Applejack nodded, then did a double take. “Wait, what!? Ya wrote for Pony Trek? Ah thought the thing was sixty years old!”

“Well, I didn't write for the original series, of course. I'm not that old, you know.”

“Uh … oh … ah just meant that … ah wasn't implying … Shoot!”

Velvet chuckled. “I'm just teasing, dear. Anyway, I was a freelance writer on one of the later shows, Deep Star Nine.” The unicorn thoughtfully tapped the mixing spoon against her chin, thinking back several years. “I suppose I'll have to start at the beginning, don't I? Are you at all familiar with how Spike came to stay with us?”

The farmpony nodded. “Yeah, Twilight told me. It was part of her entrance exam for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, wasn't it? It's how she got her cutie mark.”

Velvet nodded. “It was a fairly turbulent time for Twilight. She was just getting started with her studies and far too young to look after Spike all on her own. So I was usually the one to watch after him, since I work from home. … Don't put the vanilla essence in just yet, dear. Let the batter settle first.”

“Sorry,” AJ replied, setting the ingredient down. “Actually mah brother once told me that the writing on that particular show was among the best.”

Velvet beamed. “Oh, is he a Niner then?”

“A what?”

“A Niner. It's a term for those fans who prefer Deep Star Nine the most out of all the shows.”

“Ah don't think so. Ah think he prefers, uh, what's it called? Ya know, the one with the bald captain.”

“The Next Iteration,” Velvet supplied helpfully.

“Right, that one. But he's still seen all the episodes of Deep Star Nine. Never mentioned your name, though.”

The unicorn chuckled. “Oh, that's quite understandable. My name never showed up in the credits, since I used a pseudonym.”

“Why's that?”

“My publisher's idea. Something about brand recognition. As far as my novels go, I'm not really known for Science Fiction.”

“Right, that makes sense. How does all this relate to Spike then?”

“Well, when I got the offer to work freelance on the show, I had to familiarize myself with the original Pony Trek series. Actually, it wasn't mandatory, but I felt that it was necessary to produce good scripts. So every afternoon, after Spike's nap and before Twilight came home from school, I put on an old episode to watch. And Spike was watching from my lap as I took notes.”

“Huh, so that's what it was.”

Velvet nodded as she slid the cake into the oven, her eyes far away. “I think Pony Trek helped him a lot when he was younger.”

“Helped him?”

“Eventually Spike came to that age where he realized that he was different from everypony else around him, starting to ask those difficult questions. There's a character named Mr. Block on the original series, the science officer, who is half dragon and half pony.”

Applejack was listening intently. Was there such a character on the show? She'd only ever seen a couple of episodes.

“I think seeing that character, who was a different species from the rest of the main cast, going on adventures with them week after week, it gave him somepony to identify with, helping him to come to terms and be at peace with his own dual nature, just like the character himself.”

“Ah see,” Applejack uttered in amazement. “Ah never knew Pony Trek had such a meaning to his life. Ah always thought of it as just another hobby.”

Velvet chuckled. “Well, this is just my take on the matter as somepony who has known Spike since he just hatched. I doubt he's ever thought about it that deeply himself.”

“Maybe not. But it feels like ah understand him just a little bit better now. Thanks for telling me this story, Velvet.”

“Of course, dear,” she replied happily. “Now, what should we make as a side dish for tonight?”

* * *

As evening settled on Ponyville, the two mares had just finished setting the table in the living room. When they heard the door open, they stood ready to greet the rest of their family.

Spike and Night Light were the first to enter, and they looked utterly exhausted. Didn't seem at all like they came with happy news.

“Spike?” Applejack asked carefully. “Are you alright? It's not the end of the world if ya failed.”

He looked at her. “Huh? Oh, no. I passed. Full-fledged librarian.”

Night Light gave him a pat on the shoulder. “And with a perfect score, too. Trial by fire, so to speak.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Trial by fire? At the library?”

The dragon scratched his cheek. “Yeah, we do have one casualty.”

The two of them stepped aside to let in Shining Armor, who was carrying a frazzled looking Twilight on his back.

“Twilight!” Velvet's voice was just an octave higher than usual as she rushed towards her daughter. “What happened?”

The Princess of Friendship had that twitch in her left eye, but she didn't answer right away.

“Shell shock,” Shining Armor informed his mother gravely. “I've seen a lot of it in the army.”

“Shell shock? From what?”

“You remember how she said that some of the guards have to camp out in the library?” Spike started to explain. “Well, there's this really fierce rivalry between the Royal Guard and the Crystal Guard for some reason. They actually built book forts on either end. It was fine as long as they kept to themselves. But things got heated when they started making fun of each others structures. Before we knew it, the history section had turned into a front line, with books and pillows serving as ammunition.”

Twilight shuddered at the memory, clinging to her BBBFF in fear. “Torn pages … bent spines … turned-down corners … It was … horrible,” she whimpered.

“Shh, it's alright, Twily,” Shining said soothingly, carrying his sister towards the kitchen while Velvet gently stroked her mane. “Big brother is gonna make you a nice, hot cup of valerian tea.”

“Anyway,” Night Light picked up the story, “that's when super dragon here stepped up to the plate. He got right in between them, stood up tall and said: 'Hey! Do you know who I am? I am the librarian here! This is my hoard of knowledge. Do you know what happens to ponies who mess with a dragon's hoard?' And then he bellowed a huge ball of flame just for good measure. The fighting stopped instantly, and then he actually declared the history section a demilitarized zone. And thus the Great Ponyville Library War of 2015 was ended.”

Spike just stood there blushing. “Cut it out, Uncle. The way you're telling it, it's embarrassing.”

Applejack couldn't help but chuckle. “Well, ah'm glad y'all made it out of the war zone safely.” Then she gave Spike a naughty look. “So where's mah chocolates and nylons, soldier boy?”

“Applejack! Don't you get into this war narrative, too. I thought you had more sense than that,” Spike grumbled.

Night Light broke into a fit of laughter. “You picked yourself a feisty one, son. Reminds of when Velvet and I started dating.”

“Anyway, have a seat,” Applejack said, closing the door behind them. “Ain't Cadence coming?”

“No,” Spike replied, taking a seat on the couch. “She and Celestia are giving their guards a stern talking to right now. Woah! Is that Sapphire and Saffron Cake?”

“Eyup, and yer aunt taught me the recipe. So ah can make it whenever ya want from now on,” Applejack declared proudly.

Resisting the urge to dive face first into the cake, the dragon turned to his wife and gave her a kiss. “Thanks, honey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Those three words, which had seemed so awkward at first to both of them, came much more easily now. “And congratulations on yer promotion.”

Once Twilight had overcome her trauma of the day's events, the family gathered around the table and dug in. Of course, Spike had his favorite food all to himself, since the ponies opted for something a little more digestible than gemstones.

“Hey, what's that?” Shining asked at some point, pointing at the box sitting on the edge of the table.

“Hm? Oh, that's Princess Luna's gift from this morning. Ah totally forgot about that,” Applejack answered his question.

Spike stopped in the process of getting himself another slice of cake. “You didn't open it?”

“Nah. Ah was waiting for ya to come home, so we could open it together,” she admitted with a slight blush.

Spike looked at his wife, then at the two slices of cake in either claw. He shrugged, stuffed them both into his mouth and picked up the present.

“Spike!” Velvet chided him gently for his bad manners.

“What?” he asked before swallowing the food in one gulp. Applejack held the box in her hooves while Spike untied the ribbon. “Whoa! Sweet!” He held up the gift with a smile. It was a collection of VHS tapes, entitled Pony Trek Feature Collection – The Best Two-Parters from the Original Show, the Next Iteration, Deep Star Nine and Voyages.

Applejack looked over the episode titles on the box with mild interest. “Velvet, does this have any of the episodes you wrote?”

“Let me see,” her mother-in-law replied.

“Huh? Auntie, you told her about that?” Spike asked, handing her the box set. “I thought this was supposed to be a secret.”

“Don't be silly, Spike. Applejack is part of the family now. Of course I'm not gonna keep secrets from her.”

“'Bout that,” AJ asked. “Ya think it'd be alright to let mah brother in on the secret, too? Ah bet he'd have tons of questions for ya. And ya can trust him not to run his mouth. Ah can vouch for that.”

“Of course, dear. I'd be happy to answer his questions.”

Then a thought occurred to the farmpony. “Say, how come this collection only has four shows on it? Ah could swear that there was a fifth Pony Trek show that came out. What was it called? Ent...”

The whole Sparkle family suddenly went deadly silent, and Spike grabbed his wife by the shoulders, looking at her with a serious expression. “Applejack, listen to me very carefully. Our marriage could depend on it.”

“Er, okay?” she replied, weirded out by the sudden change in atmosphere.

“There is no fifth Pony Trek show. We do not speak its name. Trust me on this, I'm only trying to protect you. You must never ask about THAT show which killed modern Pony Trek.”

Night Light sighed, taking a sip of coffee. “Now look who is sinking into melodrama mode.”

Spike looked at him, actual tears standing in his eyes. “Don't mock me, Uncle. This is serious! The wound is still fresh in my heart. Week after week, I could only helplessly watch as the greatest franchise in history descended into mediocrity and worse.”

The dragon sighed as the rest of his family shifted between suppressed chuckles and sympathetic looks. “I wish we could put on The Best of Two Worlds right now, so I could wash away the sad memories.”

Velvet and Applejack exchanged a knowing smile. “Why don't we?” AJ asked, hopping down from the sofa and walking around the table. With a smile, she grabbed the white sheet that covered the surprise and pulled it back, revealing the brand-new TV set to her husband. “Ta-da!”

Spike simply looked at it in astonishment, his mouth hanging open. “When did you...?”

“Earlier today. Ya can thank yer aunt. It's her wedding gift to us.”

Spike looked at the unicorn mare, the bitter tears of regret turning to tears of joy. “Auntie!”

Velvet smiled back at him and stood up. “Looks like this has just turned into family movie night. I'll go make some popcorn while you kids decide which episode to watch first.”

* * *

Spike stirred slightly in the darkness, turning around under the bed sheets. He stretched out his arm and felt only a cold emptiness on the other side of the bed. Groggily, he sat up, realizing that he was alone in the bedroom.

Wondering if there was something wrong, he went to the staircase. He could see the shimmer of the television from the top of the stairs, and heard the all too familiar sound effect of proton torpedoes being fired.

Twilight and Shining Armor had returned to the castle earlier that night. Velvet and Night Light, exhausted from the trip and a long day, had withdrawn to the guestroom soon thereafter.

So Spike knew before he entered the living room that the last pony standing, or rather sitting on the couch, had to be his wife. “Honey, aren't you coming to bed?” he asked.

“In a minute, sugarcube,” she replied, her eyes glued to the screen and an untouched bowl of popcorn sitting in front of her. “Ah just wanna finish this episode. Captain Maneway just set off in the Alpha Flyer to rescue Seven of Eight.”

Sitting down next to her, he glanced at the clock. “It's 4 a.m. Have you been watching all night?”

“Huh? Is it that late already? Ah didn't even notice. Why didn't anypony tell me that there could be this much action in a Pony Trek show?”

Spike gave her a sideways glance. “Don't tell me Voyages is your favorite show among the ones we've seen tonight.”

“And why not? It's a good show.”

“Well, it's got some good ideas and characters. But I bet you're just saying that because Captain Maneway is the first mare to be a captain.”

AJ gave him a deadpan look. “Uh-huh. And ah bet yer infatuation with Seven of Eight is purely based on her personality and character arc, and it has nothing to do with the skin-tight outfits she wears on a regular basis.”

Spike blushed, scratching his cheek. “Hey, I was fourteen when the show first aired. Cut me some slack. At least the fan service isn't Braywatch levels of ridiculous.”

“Tell me ya didn't watch that stupid show when ya were younger.”

“No.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, quite the effective tactic when she felt there was something he wasn't telling her, as she'd found out over the past couple of weeks.

“I didn't!” he maintained. “Now Shining Armor on the other hoof ...”

She grinned at that. “Now that ah can believe. Must be something about mares in bathing suits that has an effect on older brothers.”

Spike's eyes widened. “Wait, don't tell me Big Mac ...”

“Eyup, with posters and everything. Last time ah checked, he's still got a framed autograph from Pamela Anderhoof sitting on his nightstand.”

They looked at each other and then burst out laughing. Wrapping a claw around his wife's shoulder, Spike settled in to watch the rest of the episode with her. Even if he had been still sleepy at that point, he was wide awake when Applejack started gently running her hoof along his thigh.

* * *

Early the next morning, Crafty Crate from the Ponyville Electronics Store made a house call.

“Is that all that's wrong with it?” Velvet asked him after the stallion had examined the TV set.

“Yep,” he replied, trying to sound especially friendly after yesterday's events. “It's just the extension cord. Don't worry, I'll get you a new one.”

Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness he got better at aiming.”

“Huh?” Velvet raised an eyebrow at that. “What was that, dear?”

“Nuthin',” AJ replied, her eyes darting around the room.

“It's strange, though,” Crafty said. “I've seen plenty of fried cables in my time due to insulation failure. But this one was new. And it kinda looks like it was scorched from the outside, rather than some kind of short circuit from the inside. Anyway, it's covered by the warranty.”

“Uh, no,” Applejack told him decisively. “Ah'll pay for it. Thanks for coming over on such short notice.”

“If you insist.”

“Well, I'm glad he doesn't seem to be one to hold grudges,” Velvet said after the extension cord had been replaced, and Crafty had left. She gave Applejack a meaningful look. “So, you and Spike had a little love session on the sofa last night, did you?”

Applejack lowered her head, blushing. “How did ya know?”

“Even if I hadn't heard you, the fire damage is a dead giveaway,” the unicorn said flatly.

“So, ya know about his little … quirk.”

Velvet sighed, turning towards the kitchen. “Let's have a cup of tea, dear. I'll tell you the story of how Spike hit puberty. We became very good friends with the Canterlot Fire Department that summer.”

Chapter 7: About what we did at the library...

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It was around lunchtime when Spike sat at his desk in the castle library, two scrolls spread out in front of him. Part of his new responsibilities was to scour the latest book releases for titles to add to the growing collection.

Since this was still Twilight's royal library, at least in name, she had allotted a generous monthly budget for new purchases, but even that was finite. So it fell to Ponyville's new librarian to make the selection.

But for some reason, he just couldn't concentrate on the task at hand as his quill hovered indecisively above the parchment that was gonna hold his choices. “This is impossible,” he said seemingly to the empty air around him. “How am I supposed to do this when...”

“Oh, Great and Honorable Spike!”

The dragon jumped slightly in his seat, the quill falling out of his claw. He looked at the Crystal Guard who was trotting up to the desk. “Crystal Spear, this is still a library. Would you please keep your voice down?”

The young mare gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry,” she whispered. “But I had a question. I found some books that seem to be in the wrong shelf, but according to the inventory number they're in the right spot.”

“Show me the spines.” She placed the three tomes on his desk, so he could see. “Ac235 to Ac237. And which shelf did you find them on?”

“General Spellcasting,” she replied. “But all three are about the pre-classical history of the three pony tribes.”

“Well, that explains it. General Spellcasting is A001 to A349. That's the regular shelves. Anything that has a 'c' in its serial number is from the Castle of the Two Sisters. They've got their own special shelves on the second floor.”

“Oh, I see. I'll put them where they belong then,” she offered.

He nodded. “Please. And ask one of the pegasi from the Royal Guard to lend you a hoof. Those shelves are pretty high.”

She frowned at that. Even though he'd been dealing with the guards camped in the library for a few days now, their strange rivalry still puzzled him. To keep them from reigniting the Great Ponyville Library War of 2015, he had taken the simple measure of drafting them. Neither Celestia nor Cadence had objected to that. Truth be told, they were probably happy that Spike had found a way to keep them out of trouble. As long as they kept busy, there would be none of that idleness that generally tends to lead to foolishness.

“Please, do it for me?” he asked plaintively.

“As the Great and Honorable Spike commands,” she said a little stiffly. At least his reputation in the Empire did help greatly in keeping that particular side in check, as they would never openly go against his wishes. Crystal Spear turned to leave, but gave him another look. This time she seemed slightly worried. “Are you alright, Great and Honorable Spike?”

He grimaced. “I told you that it's alright to just call me Spike. Anyway, I'm fine. Why do you ask?”

“It's just that you've been clenching the side of your desk really hard.”

Spike looked down. His left claw was actually digging into the wood. He hadn't even noticed. “I always do that when I'm thinking hard,” he told her.

“Oh, okay then. Sorry for disturbing you.”

After she was gone, Spike took a deep breath. Though it didn't noticeably help to calm him down. Picking up his quill again, he whispered to his desk: “Now, if we can just finish this before...”

“Sir Spike!”

Grumbling, the dragon put his quill back down as one of the Canterlot Guards approached him. “What?” he asked shortly.

The unicorn stallion stopped abruptly a few feet away from the desk, seemingly taken aback by Spike's tone. “Uhm, sorry to bother you, sir. There's somepony with a delivery out front. Quills. Ink. Parchment. That sort of thing.”

“What of it?” the dragon asked, taking deeper breaths now.

“Um, did you want to inspect it?”

“I've been dealing with Quills&Sofas for years now. I'm certain the order is fine. Just get the stuff and put it away in the supply closet. I'm sure Canterlot's Finest can handle that much without my supervision,” he added, just a little sarcastically.

The stallion looked a little hurt at that. “Have I given offense somehow?”

Spike sighed. “No, Splintering Shield. I'm sorry. I'm just a little short-tempered right now, since what I'm working on is rather important. Didn't mean to take it out on you. Would you please take care of the delivery for me?”

“Of course.” The stallion hesitated for a bit.

“What?” Spike asked between clenched teeth.

“What do you want me to do if he asks for payment?”

“Just tell him I'll come by the shop in the afternoon. I gotta give him that order for the new books anyway, so we can just take care of it then. He knows I'm good for it.”

The stallion nodded, saluted and walked off to take care of the matter.

Spike put his elbows on the desk and buried his face in his claws. His chest was heaving with deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down. “I just can't do this if somepony is gonna interrupt every five...”

“Spike! There you are!”

He looked up with a groan, but forced a smile when he saw his two friends approach. “Hey, Rainbow Dash. Hi, Fluttershy. Back from your trip to Cloudsdale?” he asked in a strained voice.

“Is it true?” the blue pegasus asked directly.

“Is what true?”

She rolled her eyes skyward. “That you and AJ got married! What did you think I was talking about?”

He scratched his cheek. “Oh, yeah. It's true. I guess it's been almost a month now.”

She looked at her friend. “I told you it was a bad idea to go to Cloudsdale now! I said we were gonna miss something awesome!”

“Well, it couldn't really be helped,” Fluttershy replied. “Weather ponies do need to take that three-week refreshment course at the Department of Weather every five years. If you hadn't kept putting it off till the last minute...”

“Whatever.” Rainbow Dash waved her hoof, then she turned back to Spike. “But couldn't you have waited until we were back? I thought we were friends.”

“Well, actually … ngh!” Spike winced suddenly.

The two pegasi looked at each other with puzzled expressions, then Fluttershy asked: “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he replied between short breaths. “Just stubbed my toe. Anyway, the wedding was sort of a spontaneous affair. But we're gonna have the reception and party this weekend, since we wanted to wait until the two of you are back in town.”

“Oh, that's so thoughtful,” Fluttershy said with a gentle smile. “I'm gonna have to see Rarity about a dress.”

“I think she's already gotten started on dresses for the bridesmaids.” He looked at Rainbow Dash, who was clearly unimpressed with that prospect. “Incidentally, Princess Celestia will be officiating. And she's got it in her head to make the whole thing a big deal. So I sorta got the impression that you're gonna be asked to perform another Rainboom.”

Now that cheered the cyan pegasus right up. “Awesome! I gotta talk to AJ right away. Is she at Sweet Apple Acres right now?”

“I … don't think so ...” He closed his eyes for a moment.

“Spike, are you okay?” Fluttershy asked carefully. “You look a little flushed.”

He shook his head. “Just a little stressed, with the new job and the wedding preparation stuff. Tell you what, why don't you come by our new house for dinner tonight? AJ and I can bring you up to speed on what's been happening over the past couple of weeks.”

“You got a new place? Cool!” Rainbow exclaimed.

Fluttershy nodded her agreement. “I'll bring a housewarming gift.”

“Oh, Fluttershy,” Spike tried to wave that notion off. “That's really not … nffh … necessary. Now … if you'll excuse me, … I've got some important work to …” Suddenly his eyes went wide. Unable to hold it in, he looked upward and bellowed out a huge jet of green flame. Finally, he was able to take a deep breath as he slumped back down into his chair.

“Where's the letter?”

“Huh?” he asked, groggily looking back at Rainbow Dash.

“Well, you just breathed fire,” she stated, searching the empty air above his head with her eyes. “Doesn't that mean you got a letter?”

“Uh, no,” he said, scratching his head. “I just … sneezed,” he said lamely. “You know how it is with libraries and books. Dust, dust, dust.”

“Gesundheit,” Fluttershy said simply.

“Thanks.”

“Well, I guess we'd better leave you to it,” Rainbow Dash decided finally. Great, now they're getting ready to leave, Spike thought to himself. “We gotta get unpacked. See you tonight, then. Oh, and congrats on getting married.”

After the two mares had left, Spike passed a weary claw over his eyes, finally able to breathe normally again.

“Ain't that awfully hard?” a voice asked him out of nowhere.

“Is what hard?” he replied.

Applejack stuck out her head, licking her lips. She looked around to make sure they were alone, then crawled out from underneath the desk she'd been hiding under the entire time. “All that lying. It's so much easier to just tell the truth, ain't it?”

He gave her a withering look. “Yeah, cause the words 'My wife was feeling frisky during her lunch break, so she decided to surprise me with a blowjob at work. She's under the desk, sucking my dick right now,' just roll off the tongue so naturally. Especially when you're talking to total strangers and/or good friends.”

She tapped her hoof against her chin with a thoughtful expression. “Well, not if you're gonna put it that way.”

“How else would I put it?”

“Well, ya could say that yer beautiful, considerate and charming wife is on yer mind every waking moment, and even now she's quite literally taking yer breath away,” she offered expansively.

He mulled that choice of words over in his mind for a moment, then he suddenly laughed in spite of himself. “It's not actually a lie, is it?” He raised his eyebrow. “Were you this devious and liberal with the truth before, or is this something I've done?”

Applejack shrugged. “A little you, a little yer aunt.” Then she gave him a sly look. “But it was kinda fun, hearing how hard ya tried to cover for us. And that was some incredible self-control. Ah really had to break out all mah best moves to make ya finish before they left. But ah do like a challenge.”

“I'm glad I could keep you entertained while you were down there, honey.”

“Aw, don't be like that, sugarcube,” she said in her sweetest voice. “I know ya enjoyed it, too,” she added with a naughty smile, lightly brushing her tail against his now limp pride.

He looked away with a blush. “I guess so.”

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then picked up her hat. “Guess ah'd better run along now.”

“Already?” Spike asked in surprise. “But you didn't … you know … get to... yourself.” He left it hanging in the air.

She winked at him. “That's alright, sugarcube. Ah'll get mine in bed tonight. After all, ah know you're good for it. But ah probably should get started on dinner early. Don't be late.”

He simply chuckled and gave her a wave and a smile as she walked off. He sighed again, remembering what Twilight had told him a while ago. She was right, of course. She always was. A marriage took work. But it was certainly worth it.

Then he looked down at his desk, and his good mood faded again. “Oh, come on. Are you telling me I still have to finish this?” Picking up the quill, he got back to work.

Chapter 8: About what we did on the day before our wedding...

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Saturday – 2:15 A.M.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice, Princess,” the stallion with the bushy mustache said respectfully as Twilight entered Ponyville's small police station.

“Any time, Bronze Shield,” she replied, keeping up a friendly tone despite a slight hangover. “So what was so important that it couldn't wait until our usual Tuesday meeting?”

The old stallion's position as Chief of Police had become much easier since Twilight's ascension. Rather than having to appeal to Canterlot through the Mayor's office about world-threatening events or ancient evils, things were now customarily wrapped up in a neat weekly session. And he'd come to view the Princess as a fair and just ruler, since she was always quick to offer manpower, financial aid and even her personal skills to rebuild the town after the latest disaster. So he decided to return the favor by trying to resolve the current situation with as little fuss as possible.

“Well,” he began, “this one's a little more personal than usual. So I thought you might want to straighten the whole affair out sooner rather than later. It … concerns some friends of yours … and family members.”

Twilight looked at him, her eyes focusing a little more as she pushed the throbbing headache to the back of her mind. She had a sneaking suspicion who he was talking about. “Where are they?”

“Follow me.” Bronze Shield led her to the holding cells and unlocked a barred door.

Twilight could only sigh when she looked at Spike, Big Macintosh and Shining Armor, all sitting there with crestfallen looks on their faces. Curiously, Spike was wearing a Pony Trek costume, complete with Starfleet uniform and com badge, and Big Mac was dressed up like a Humgonian warrior. The most bewildering sight, however, was Shining Armor. Despite the fact that he kept his old guard armor polished to perfection, he was clad in what was clearly a cloth and plastic costume that was made to look like armor, even though it wasn't very good. All their costumes looked to be in disrepair, with various rips and dirty patches to complete the sorry sight.

“Hey, Twily,” her big brother said lamely.

Twilight sighed. “So, I take it the bachelor party went a little overboard?”

“Eyup,” Big Mac replied in embarrassment.

She gave each of them a withering look in turn before finally fixing her gaze on Spike. The dragon was blushing rather heavily. Not able to meet her eyes, he seemed very interested in his feet. “What are the charges?” she asked finally.

Bronze Shield got out a notepad. “Multiple counts of property damage, breaking and entering, arson and property damage,” he informed her gravely.

Twilight thought about that, trying to come up with a theory of how they'd managed to get themselves into this much trouble in just one night. “Why did you list property damage twice?” she asked then.

The Chief took a closer look at his notes. “The multiple counts refer to damage of personal property. The other one pertains to a historic landmark.”

She shot Spike another look that made him cringe. Short of mistreating books, messing with history was one of the worst offenses Twilight could think of. “Which one?”

“The old clocktower. … It's not too bad, though,” he added. Apparently even he felt Twilight's anger and tried to defuse the volatile situation a little. “Frankly, the Mayor might be happy for the excuse to give it that paint-job she's been pushing for in the Council.”

To her credit, Twilight didn't go off on a tirade. She even repressed the urge to make a cutting remark about Spike being entitled to conjugal visits. The Princess of Friendship just shook her head and went on in a disappointed voice. “Spike, your wedding ceremony is in a few hours. What would AJ say if she could see you like this?”

“Uh, hey, Twi! Fancy meetin' you here.”

Twilight frowned. “No, I don't think she'd say that.” Realizing that the answer to her rhetorical question had actually been delivered in Applejack's own voice, she whirled around in surprise.

Sure enough, there was Applejack, with a sheepish smile on her face and covered in tree sap from head to hoof. But she wasn't alone. Two other mares, also covered in the sticky brown stuff, were with her. One was Rarity and the other was … “Mom!?” Twilight blurted out.

“Hello, dear,” Velvet said with an owlish grin and a somewhat unsteady lurch to the side. Thankfully, AJ caught her. “You wouldn't happen to have some money on you to bail us out?”

“And what's this, Deputy Beagle?” Bronze Shield asked the stallion in uniform who had brought them in.

The young officer saluted. “Three more for booking, sir.” He got out his own notepad and began to read. “One count of assault and battery, disturbing the peace and …” He glanced at Velvet with a blush. “... assaulting the arresting officer.”

“Well, if you'd just taken your clothes off in the first place,” Velvet pointed out, her eyes slightly unfocused.

“Velvet, darling,” Rarity said in exasperation. “For the last time, he's not a stripper!”

Twilight groaned, bringing one hoof up to her forehead.

“Did you want to take care of this right away as well, Your Highness?” Bronze Shield asked mildly.

She nodded. “I'd better. It's a little too late to reorganize the reception to take place in a courthouse. But first, I'd like to know one thing.” She drew herself up, looking calmly at the six ponies in question. Then she shouted: “WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED!?”

* * *

Friday – 9:00 A.M.

“Ouch!” Spike grimaced as AJ's hoof once more slammed down painfully on his foot.

“Sorry,” she said quickly.

“It's alright,” he wheezed. “Okay, we got this. Now pay attention. This part is one, two, tip.”

“More like one, two, slip,” she grumbled, pushing a button on the nearby stereo in their bedroom to play the song from the top. “Ah'll never get the hang of this.”

“You asked me to teach you,” Spike reminded her gently as he once again placed one claw on her barrel and her right forehoof in the other. “I even took the day off to get in some last-minute practice. We've got less than 24 hours left.”

“Ah know, ah know.” The dancing lessons had gone reasonably awful, ever since she'd told her husband that she wanted to be able to complete at least one dance with him at their second wedding. “Maybe it'll work better if we're closer together?”

“Worth a try,” he agreed with a sigh, pulling her a little closer to his chest. As he did so, he caught a whiff of the apple shampoo she always used. Even after almost a month of being with her, it still had a strange effect on him.

Applejack laid her cheek against his chest, and the dance picked up, slowly in the beginning. This part she had no trouble with. She looked up at him with a dreamy smile. Time seemed to slow as they moved in that embrace.

Eventually, Spike gulped. “Honey?”

“Uh-huh?” she asked, looking up at him with deliberately seductive eyes, as she could feel something press against her.

“I think we're gonna have to pick up the pace.”

* * *

Friday – 9:23 A.M.

As they laid on the bed in a tangle of limbs, AJ sighed contentedly, still feeling the warmth between her thighs.

Spike stroked her gorgeous flank absent-mindedly. “We're never gonna get through this entire dance, are we?”

She smiled at him, nuzzling his cheek affectionately. “Maybe, but ah like this dance much better.”

He frowned. “So do I, but we can't exactly perform it at the reception.”

“Why not?” she asked with a mischievous grin. “That'd be a wedding to remember for everypony involved.”

Spike shuddered, imagining the two of them doing it on the dance floor while all of their friends and relatives watched, commenting on their technique and taking the odd snapshot here and there. “You know, sometimes when you say stuff like that, it's awfully hard to tell whether you're joking or not.” Her little surprise at the library the other day didn't exactly inspire confidence in that regard.

“Are you kids done?” Velvet's voice asked from the next room.

“No!” Spike blurted out immediately, trying to cover himself up with a pillow.

“Yes, Velvet. We're done. Come on in,” Applejack said in a calm tone.

The unicorn mare only put one hoof into the room, not wanting to intrude more than was necessary. “Applejack, dear. We should be getting a move on if we want to be at Rarity's in time.”

“Just a few more minutes, Velvet,” she replied. “Gotta allot some snuggling time. Ah don't wanna give mah husband the impression that his efforts ain't appreciated.”

Velvet chuckled. “I understand. I'll wait for you outside.”

“Is Rarity still not finished with your dress?” Spike asked when the couple was alone again.

“Just some last-minute alterations. Ya know how she can be, obsessing over every single detail. Besides, it'll give ya time to plan yer bachelor party with Shining Armor.”

“Yeah, about that. I'm thinking about asking him to cancel it.”

Applejack gave him an incredulous look. “Why?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Just … doesn't seem right, you know. A bachelor party is supposed to come before the wedding. At least I know that now. But the thing is, we're already married. Tomorrow is basically just a formality after the fact.”

“Spike, ah don't want ya to miss out on anything. That's one of the reason we agreed to do this.”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I know. But ...” He left it hanging. Spike had a certain noble aspect to his character in that regard.

Applejack quietly wondered if maybe it conflicted with his so-called Dragon Code. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Alright, how about this? Until we renew our vows tomorrow, our marriage is … on hold.”

“On hold?” He raised an eyebrow at that.

“Yeah, why not?” Climbing on top of him, she brought her face close to his. “Ah'm glad we did what we did in Las Pegasus. And we'll always have that. But ah don't want ya to look back on this time years from now and feel like we went through this whole song and dance just for everypony else. We're both entitled to have some fun with this.”

He thought about that. “So, no repercussions? No matter what happens? For either of us?”

“Eyup. One last night of being single. For both of us. That way ya don't have ta feel guilty about anything. Just enjoy yerself.”

He smiled and gave her kiss. “Alright. You've got a deal. But you better enjoy yourself, too.”

“You betcha,” she grinned at him. “At least once Rarity's finally done with the dress.”

* * *

Friday – 11:43 A.M.

“Alright, that's it,” Rarity declared, critically eying her work. “Anything out of place? Can you move comfortably? Turn around, darling.”

Applejack did as she was told, turning slowly on the pedestal on which she had spent the better part of the last two hours as Rarity had applied her finishing touches. “It's fine, Rarity,” she told her friend in a neutral voice. She'd tried to get into the spirit, given it her best effort. But to her, the dress was simply a minor detail of the whole affair.

“Then take a look, darling.”

AJ turned her head to regard her reflection in the mirror. Only this mare in a wedding dress seemed to be staring back at her. It took her a moment to realize who she was. She hadn't even recognized herself at first. She had balked at the idea of gold trim on the white dress. But now that she had it on, she could see the effect as it accentuated her mane and tail.

Rarity had even gone the extra mile to overlay a stetson with white silk and stitch it in place with gold thread in an intricate apple design, knowing that her friend simply wasn't the type to wear a veil. Despite working with only the best materials, it still had a simple charm to it. And yet, every corner shone with care and perfection. It was like a sunrise. The longer you looked at it, the more exquisite the whole ensemble became.

“Rarity … it's …” Applejack's voice choked.

“Something wrong, darling?” the fashionista asked anxiously.

Applejack shook her head, tears standing in her eyes. Then she gave her friend a goofy grin. “Ah'm getting married!” It was as if that fact had only now hit her for the first time.

The unicorn smiled and stood next to her. “That's right, darling. And this is what you're gonna look like on your special day.”

“Yeah,” AJ replied with a dreamy expression. “Well, almost.”

Rarity blinked. “Almost? What do you mean almost?”

“Ah'm still gonna have to braid mah mane and tail for tomorrow.”

Suddenly there was a nervous tick in Rarity's left eye. She whipped her head around and grabbed Applejack's face between her hooves. “WHAT!?”

“Ah said ah'm gonna braid mah ...”

“WHY!?”

“Because Spike likes it that way.”

“I mean WHY didn't you tell me!?”

The farmer shrugged. “Ah didn't think it was important.”

Rarity made a few strangled noises. “Not important?” She was starting to hyperventilate. “NOT IMPORTANT!? You can't wear a braid with those halters! And the hemline! I'm gonna have to redo the hemline!!!”

“Ah think it'll be fine.”

But Rarity was already in full emergency mode. “Velvet! Braid her mane! I'm gonna have to change the accents, and I need to know how it looks,” she told the other unicorn. Then she stormed upstairs, screeching “PIN CUSHION!!!” the whole way.

Applejack sighed as Velvet enveloped her mane with magic to braid it. “Are weddings always this complicated?”

“I couldn't say for sure,” Velvet answered her. “You've seen what happened at Shiny's wedding.”

“What about yours?”

“Oh, that was a modest affair. We didn't really have a lot of money to spend on it, seeing as Night Light and I were still in college.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow at that. “Ya got married when ya were still in college?”

The unicorn blushed and looked away. “It was sort of a necessity. Let's just say Shining Armor arrived a little earlier than we both had planned for.”

Applejack couldn't help but grin at that. “Really? And here ah thought this sorta thing only happened in the countryside. Looks like city ponies aren't as perfect as they pretend to be.”

“I never pretended to be perfect, dear,” the unicorn told her with a chuckle. Then she took out a flask from her saddlebag and offered it to her daughter-in-law. “Have a swig of this. It'll make the time go by a little faster when your friend comes back.”

The earth pony shrugged and took a drink. Then she coughed violently. “Smooth,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “What is it?”

Velvet smirked. “Something I use in my writing process when I feel my creativity slipping. The base is a simple martini, with a shot of white rum for added punch and one dissolved caffeine tablet to keep you going all night. I call it Writer's Milk.”

With a loud crash, Rarity came back down to the ground floor of her shop again. In her magic aura were several pins, scissors, needles and other assorted materials. “Now, stand perfectly still, darling. If you don't struggle, this won't hurt much,” she said with a mad glint in her eye.

Applejack gulped at the sight, then looked at the flask in her hoof. “Ah think ah'll have another nip of this first.”

* * *

Friday – 01:12 P.M.

Spike made his way slowly towards Sweet Apple Acres. Since the wedding was now to include so many guests, it had been decided that the farm was really the only reasonable location for it. It was the only place big enough to hold so many ponies.

Shining Armor had taken over that part of the preparation. It wasn't really a decision anypony had made. He'd simply fallen into the role due to his leadership experience. He also held the respect of both the Crystal Guards and Royal Guards that had been drafted for the more mundane tasks of setting up the event. Prudently, he had taken steps to ensure the peace by putting them to work on opposite sides of the empty field.

He oversaw his little army like a field marshal from a nearby knoll as they worked in little groups to prepare the gazebo where the exchange of vows were to happen, set up the dance floor and erect tents where food and drink were to be served. Ever since Celestia had declared her intention of making this event 'second only to a royal wedding,' the whole thing seemed to Spike to have been blown out of all proportion.

With a grunt, the young dragon leaned against a tree trunk and sank down. It was then that Shining Armor noticed him, trotting over with a bright smile on his face. “Hey, Spike!” When Spike only grunted in response, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you alright? You don't look so good.”

“I think I'm gonna die,” the dragon moaned.

“Don't be like that. This isn't the time for pre-wedding jitters. You're supposed to save those up for the morning, pacing up and down the aisle while waiting for your bride.”

“Who said anything about pre-wedding jitters? I just ate three entire wedding cakes at Sugarcube Corner, each slice made with a different variation of frosting.” He burped, holding one claw in front of his mouth to fight down the urge of throwing up.

“You do know that you're only supposed to take a bite or two from each slice during the taste-testing, right?” Shining asked in amusement.

Spike glared back at him. “Tell that to Pinkie Pie. In her words: 'One bite isn't enough, silly. In order to decide whether you want the whole cake, you gotta eat the whole cake first!' And since Applejack got held up at Rarity's, I had to do all the eating.”

Shining Armor couldn't help but laugh at that. Though he wasn't unsympathetic. He waved over one of the guards nearby. “Corporal, do you think you might be able to find some antacids for my little brother?”

The pegasus stallion saluted smartly. “Right away, Captain!” he replied in a clear voice and flew off.

Spike frowned. More as way to take his mind off his hurting stomach, than out of real interest, he asked: “Shining. Why do they still call you Captain? Shouldn't they address you as Prince or Your Highness?”

“Well, the Crystal Guards do,” he mused. “But the Canterlot Guards aren't my subjects. They're my former subordinates. To them a Captain of the Guard, even a former one, is much more important than some prince of what is technically a foreign nation. Military ponies are funny that way. I rather think that's at the core of their childishness these past few days.”

“Why? That doesn't have anything to do with this wedding.”

“Oh, yes. It does. Haven't you noticed that all the Canterlot ponies address you as Sir Spike?”

He thought back to his interactions at the library over the last couple days, and his eyes widened. “You know, now that you mention it. Why do they call me that?”

“You remember how you helped Celestia repel that invasion of mutant cockatrices from Canterlot while Twilight and her friends were fighting Chrysalis beyond the Appleloosan Mountains?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, I even had a trident and an eyepatch.”

“And you got a medal for that, right?” Shining Armor pressed.

“Yeah, I guess so. Although it was a quick affair. We had to go and check up on Twilight and the others. So nopony really remembers that,” the dragon grumbled.

“Oh, but the Royal Guard remembers,” the stallion insisted. “That medal was to induct you into the Order of the Iron Hoof. That's the highest honor any non-member of the Royal Guard can achieve, and it includes an honorary knighthood.”

Spike blinked. “Are you telling me I'm a Knight of Equestria?”

His big brother nodded gravely, then his face took on a bemused expression. “You mean you didn't know that? Anyway, I believe that's part of their squabble. Each side seeks to gain prestige by treating you as if you were one of them.”

“I had no idea this was happening!”

Shining Armor grinned. “I'm sorry to break this to you, little brother. But your wedding might have turned into the biggest political event of our century. And we're all caught in the middle of it. Why do you think they entrenched themselves in Twilight's castle so fiercely? Twilight is Celestia's student, but she's also part of the Crystal Empire's royal family by way of marriage. Both guard contingents could have found accommodations elsewhere. They could have pitched tents at the outskirts of town if they wanted to. But for one side to back down while the other got to stay at the castle would have meant losing face.”

Spike mulled that revelation over in his mind. Any manner of small gesture could be taken as a sign of favoritism in that regard, leading to another flare-up in hostilities. Eventually he concluded that, despite not being aware of the situation, he'd handled it pretty well. Getting involved when he did and treating both sides equally as far as the library was concerned, he'd managed to stay neutral. “At least Applejack isn't caught up in this silliness.”

“Actually she is,” Shining Armor informed him.

“How? Sure, as an Element of Harmony, she represents Equestria. Celestia said as much. But she's got no ties to the Crystal Empire.”

“You remember how she and the others helped organize the Crystal Fair while you and Twilight were hunting for the real Crystal Heart? Well, she did stand guard over the fake. Since then, we've learned a little more about the tradition. It appears that in the old days, the honor of guarding the Heart during the Fair was given only to the most distinguished of guardsponies, who usually had some kind of connection to the royal family.”

Spike's jaw dropped open. “They'd make that into an issue? Now that's just stupid!”

The unicorn shrugged. “Politics usually are. Cadence and Celestia are usually good at keeping a lid on the rivalry between the two factions, but with this many in one place …” He lowered his voice to a conspicuous whisper. “All I'm saying is, you might wanna have an escape route ready at all times. You might find yourself a prisoner of war on either side if we have to declare martial law during your wedding.”

Spike narrowed his eyes at the stallion. “You've been making fun of me this whole time, haven't you?”

“Of course,” Shining admitted with a huge grin on his face. “That's what big brothers are supposed to do. Read that in a book.”

“So I'm not a knight, and Applejack isn't some kind of protector of the Crystal Heart.”

“Not as such. But now that you know how convoluted things could have been, do you feel a little better?”

“Not really,” Spike grumbled. “It's still this humongous affair of a wedding when we both wanted it simple. We should have just eloped.”

“You did,” Shining Armor pointed out.

“I guess I'm just an idiot with a stomachache then.”

“Eyup,” a certain stallion agreed, joining the two of them.

“Hey, Big Macintosh,” Shining Armor greeted him. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah heard one of yer people was lookin' for some stomach medicine.”

“You got some?” Spike asked in a pleading voice.

“Nope,” the big stallion replied. “Got somethin' better.” He pulled a bottle with a clear liquid in it from his saddlebag and poured his brother-in-law a small glass.

The young dragon sniffed at it, sensing the faint aroma of apples, various other fruit and alcohol. Big Mac gave him an encouraging nod, so he shrugged and took a drink. No sooner had it hit his tongue, than his mouth contorted. The uncontrollable urge to shake his head wildly to one side overcame him as his whole body shivered violently. “Guah! Celestia and Luna on a merry-go-around!” he swore. Usually Spike never swore. “That stuff is vile! What in the wide world of Equestria is that?”

“It's a liquor Uncle Apple Strudel brews back in Germaneigh,” Big Mac explained. “It's called Obstler. Trust me, just finish the glass.”

Shining Armor was eyeing the bottle curiously while Spike tried to bring up the courage to finish the rest of his. “May I?”

“Help yerself,” Big Mac said, pouring him a glass as well.

Shining's reaction was less severe than Spike's had been as he finished his drink with one gulp, but even he grimaced. “My, that is revolting.”

“Well, ya don't have to drink it if ya don't like it,” the earth pony said, just a little hurt. “But Granny Smith swears on the stuff in case of heartburn and indigestion.”

“Huh,” Spike mumbled, rubbing his stomach while handing back the empty glass. “You know, I do feel a little better now. Still not my kind of drink, though.”

Big Mac simply shrugged, lifted the bottle itself to his lips and took three long gulps. “Guess it's an acquired taste,” he said with a happy sigh and no sign of discomfort.

“Very acquired,” Shining Armor agreed, picking Spike up by the arm. “Come on. On your feet, soldier. We're going.”

“Going where?” the dragon asked.

“As your executive big brother in charge of the bachelor party, I've decided that we're gonna start it early, on account that I need a rum&coke to wash that taste out of my mouth. Coming, Big Mac?”

The farmpony securely returned the bottle to his saddlebag, then nodded. “Eyup.”

Shining Armor bellowed down the hill to one of the guards. “Lieutenant! You're in charge here until I get back.” Then he looked at his two companions. “Now, where's the best place to get a real drink around here?”

Interlude – A message from your new sponsor

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Hello, dear readers! Discord here, Lord of Chaos and part-time tv executive!

Now that last part is a villain title if I ever heard one. And here I thought you’d reformed.

Do you mind, author? Be grateful that I’m not having you rewrite the entire story to include me. You really think Spike would have his bachelor party without me?

Well, you weren’t in his O&O group yet when I started this story.

And this is a problem now because …?

… because I haven’t updated this story in forever.

Correct! But now I am here! I’m the tv executive who scooped up your show when the original station dropped it in the middle of a two-parter, allowing you to finish that two-parter and adding one made for tv special to finish the season.

… Yeah, you say it like that. But I think most people never really got the sitcom format for this story.

I got it! Remember when I said it to the readers at the end of the prologue?

Pinkie!? What are you doing here?

I felt a disturbance in the Fourth. So that was you guys, huh? Wait, are you telling me that this story is finally getting an update after all these years?

Well, yeah. I always said that I was gonna finish it.

Not that anybody still believed it at this point.

Hey, I take pride in the fact that I do not have any unfinished stories on the site … except this one. Which will be remedied!

Says here that you have another story that’s been on hiatus even longer than Spikes & Apples.

That was a commission, so that doesn’t count! It’s hardly my fault that the intended follow-up never came and then I stopped doing commissions altogether.

What about that other story you’ve been swearing up and down for years was coming that’s sitting half-finished on your hard drive?

I’ll finish that, too. But this is first. People have been waiting for this.

You say that, but how many people do you think even remember where you left off?

Oh! Oh! I remember! This is a two-parter in a sitcom format, right? So how about I do something like a Previously On segment?

Okay, Ponkers. Yeah, that actually sounds helpful. Might be a nice way to catch up all our readers. What did you have in mind?

Let’s see. First, Spike and AJ got married in Las Pegasus, and then Spike moved in with the Apple Family and they had really loud sex, like really, really loud! And so they had to take it out into the orchard, but …

I can already see where this is going.

… and then they had sex at Twilight’s castle, because they couldn’t burn that down. But then when they had sex in the locker room of the school gymnasium, the sprinkler went off …

Yeah, should have seen that one coming.

… and then AJ came out from under the desk and licked her lips and I couldn’t believe it. I mean, was she really polishing his pickle under there the whole time he was talking to …

Well, it’s not an unfair summarization of the story thus far.

… And that’s how Equestria was made!

Wait, what!?

And now the conclusion. Mwahahaha!!!

Chapter 9: About what we did on the night before our wedding...

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Friday – 4:28 P.M.

“Are you telling me that you would just stand by and let a civilization be wiped out as it faces a natural catastrophe?” Spike asked in a slightly belligerent tone as he sat at the bar with his brother and brother-in-law.

Several empty shot glasses lined the counter. And so the discussion had taken a rather philosophical turn, at least in terms of Pony Trek.

“Nope,” Big Mac answered after a few moments of thought. “All ah'm saying is that the Prime Directive is there for a reason. Ya can't get involved with a less developed culture, or it'll have unintended consequences.”

“That doesn't justify letting people die for your principles,” the dragon snorted.

“What about a war?”

“That's different. And it's just common sense to not get involved, whether it's a less developed species or not. That's why the Enterprise had to stay out of the Humgonian Civil War. But you can't generalize that. If a natural event threatens a species with extinction, you should apply the intent of the law, not the letter of it. After all, it's meant to protect other species.”

Big Mac shook his head. “A starship captain's most solemn oath is that he will give his life, even his entire crew, rather than violate the Prime Directive,” he quoted stubbornly.

“Can you believe this guy?” Spike asked Shining Armor.

“I’m staying out of this,” the stallion answered and knocked back another whiskey. “You know I’ve always been more of a Space Wars kinda guy anyway.”

“Wait, I got Rodent Berry’s book in my bag somewhere. I’ve got the page where he talks about the Prime Directive marked … and … wait …What!?” All of a sudden, the young dragon upended his bag onto the counter and began frantically searching the contents. “Where is it?”

“Spike, what’s wrong?” Shining Armor asked in bewilderment.

The dragon grabbed him by the shoulders and stared intently at him. “Shining, think back. Did I have a blue ribbon with me when we came here?”

“A what?”

Picking up on what was going on, Big Mac set his features into a scowl. “Don’t tell me ya lost Ma’s ribbon!?”

Spike gulped visibly and let out a breath of flame that only narrowly missed his brother-in-law. “Sowwy,” he mumbled while clamping his claws over his mouth to avoid the unintentional bursts.

That’s when Shining Armor realized the severity of the situation. For Spike to lapse into a flame hiccup, as the Sparkle family called it, something must have startled him deeply. The last time it had happened was when they’d cancelled the Pony Trek movie, and Spike had nearly burned down the family vacation home in the process.

But Shining Armor was a military pony through and through. So he knew information gathering at this stage was of the essence. “Okay, can somepony help a brother out and tell me what the deal is?”

Spike was still hiccupping flame while the barkeeper, a stout earth pony with a red mane, did his best to get all the top shelf alcohol out of the line of fire to avert a catastrophe. So Big Mac took it upon himself to explain. “That blue ribbon, it belonged to our Ma, Buttercup. Granny Smith dug it up from the attic so AJ could wear it at the wedding. Spike was supposed to give it to her.”

Spike’s eyes grew in size with every word, reflecting the apparent horror he felt. “I was gonna give it to her during the cake tasting, but she never showed up.” Then words escaped him as he descended into fresh hiccups.

“Hey, watch it!” the barkeeper pleaded as another bottle of top shelf was disintegrated, spraying little shards of glass every which way. Thankfully, the bar was currently sparsely populated.

“AH CAN’T BELIEVE YA LOST IT!!!” Big Mac bellowed. It was perhaps the highest in volume he’d ever gone up to since his teen years.

“I … I … I …” Spike could only stammer as fear gripped hold of him. He knew AJ would never forgive him if this memento of her mother was truly gone forever. It was almost enough to startle him sober.

“Enough!” Shining Armor said with conviction.

The barkeep breathed a sigh of relief. “Finally, looks like at least one of you still has his head on strai… Oi!”

The former Captain of the Royal Guard jumped onto the counter, his grace only slightly marred by the empty glasses he sent flying. “Pray thee, brave sirs! ‘Tis nary the time to fight amongst ourselves. Noble Sir Spike hath need of us!”

“What the buck?” the earth pony asked, to which Shining gave him a decidedly lopsided grin, making him reevaluate his half-finished assertion as he mentally tallied up how many drinks he’d served the threesome.

“’Tis a quest, good merchant of fine wine and ale,” the unicorn replied airily before turning back to Spike and Big Mac. “Hark! Adventure beckons! We must needs find this ancient treasure so that the golden-haired maid may not weep this day. Our brother knight has humbly asked for our assistance in this grave undertaking! We shall find this erstwhile trinket! Follow me, brave knights! Onwards, to adventure!”

The bartender simply watched as the three adventurers under the leadership of Sir Not-So-Sober-After-All swayed outside. Sighing, he began wiping down the counter and picked up the phone with the other hoof. “Hello, Ponyville Police Station? … Yeah, bachelor party of three, just headed out. Gonna be one of those nights. … Oh, no. Don’t worry. I know them well enough. They’ll pay their tab. Just thought I’d give you a heads up. … And a good night to you, Chief.”

***

Friday – 5:12 P.M.

“Would ya stop fretting, Rarity? The dress looks fabulous as it is.”

The fashionista was sitting in the hot tub of the Ponyville Spa, quietly brooding with the warm water up to her nose. “I will never let it go, Applejack,” she said, lifting her lips out of the water for a moment to reveal a frown. “That mare robbed you, I say. That yellow garnet was the perfect accessory to go with your braids, and SHE STOLE IT!”

“Who stole what now?” Twilight Sparkle asked as she stepped into the room with a roll of toilet paper levitated in her magic field.

Pinkie snatched up the toilet paper and continued on her quest to wrap AJ in a toilet paper wedding dress with the help of Rainbow Dash.

“It ain’t nothing, Twi,” Applejack replied, letting herself get spun around while the others continued with various traditional bachelorette party activities. Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy had decided to make use of the party location and get pampered before the wedding. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were mummifying the bride to be with toilet paper, and Twilight Velvet had opted for that most traditional of activities: Staying within hoof’s reach of the bar and getting plastered.

“It ain’t nothing,” Rarity sneered in an impressive approximation of AJ’s country accent. “It was everything! And now the ensemble will never be complete!”

“I’m still not following,” Twilight admitted. “The dress looked fine to me, too.”

Rarity let out a theatrical sigh. “Velvet, darling! I must say something now, or be forever doomed to hold my piece. You, dear madam, did a poor job of giving your daughter a fashion education. And please, when you rectify your mistake, do include your new daughter-in-law. So would you please explain to both of them what tragedy hath befallen us? I cannot even!”

Velvet shrugged. “I was never that fashion savvy myself,” she admitted while pouring herself another Manehattan. “But yes, even I can admit that the embroidery on the Stetson now seems to lack something. It was fine when AJ wore her mane open. But with the braids, it simply lacks a little,” she twirled her hoof, looking for the right word, “panache.”

“Thank you,” Rarity put in. “I’m glad one pony at least understands my plight.”

Velvet nodded, knocking back her drink.

“It ain’t any excuse for giving that mare in the marketplace a black eye over it,” Applejack said accusingly.

“Rarity!” Twilight gasped, giving her friend a disappointed look.

“It was an accident!” The fashionista defended herself. “She vultured the gemstone right out from under our noses just as I’d seen the perfect one. There was a slight argument as I attempted to explain calmly …”

“And loudly,” AJ muttered under her breath.

“… that it was of vital importance that we had this gem,” Rarity went on, ignoring the interruption. “You know I tend to gesticulate while I explain. My hoof didn’t strike her on purpose. And then she had the gall to call ME a drama queen while SHE started threatening to sue the store and us.”

“What happened then?” Twilight inquired.

“The shopkeeper sold the gem to the other mare at a discount and threw us out on our asses,” Velvet replied with aplomb.

“Velvet, darling! Language!”

As Twilight climbed into the hot tub to join the others, she cast a sideways glance at her mother. She knew that impolite language was in the prolific author’s vocabulary of course, but she also knew that she was usually very good at keeping a lid on it unless … “Mom, how much have you had to drink tonight?”

Velvet shrugged and twirled her hoof. “A couple? I’m paying for the open bar, might as well make use of it.”

“And I’m guessing there’s some Writer’s Milk in that mix, too?”

Velvet gave her daughter a blank look, after she’d managed to focus on her, at least. “Twilight, sweetie. Your younger brother is going to get married tomorrow.”

“Technically …” AJ began.

“Yes, yes,” Velvet waved her off. “Technically you’re already married. That’s exactly why I’m celebrating and why I’ve got catching up to do. So, Twilight, my last remaining unmarried foal, when you finally get married, you get to tell me how much I get to drink at your bachelorette party. How does that sound?”

“Oh, sick burn … *hic* … did I say that right?”

“Fluttershy!” Twilight gasped at the tipsy pegasus next to her, given the uncharacteristic outburst.

“Perfectly, dear,” Velvet replied with a beaming grin while walking towards the edge of the tub and bumping a hoof with the giggling pegasus, before lowering her head to whisper to her daughter loud enough for everypony else to hear. “Which reminds me, how are things going with that guard? What was his name? Flash Sentry? Cadence keeps bringing him along on those trips, just so the two of you can see each other.”

“Twilight has a coltfriend!” Rainbow Dash sang in her best schoolyard sing-song voice while catching the roll of toilet paper and tossing it back to Pinkie Pie.

Blushing furiously and thoroughly shut up, Twilight immersed herself in the warm water up to her muzzle. “My mother is a bad influence on you guys.”

“You know,” Pinkie put in at that moment, “if it’s a yellow garnet you’re looking for. The Cakes had a commission a while back that fell through that was supposed to be garnished with one. Some special order by a dragon. They might still have it lying around.”

“What!?” Rarity screamed. “And you didn’t mention this until now? To Sugarcube Corner, gentlemares! Right now!”

“What in tarna … urgh … Rarity, slow yer … urp …” Unable to get out a coherent sentence, AJ found herself spinning like a top as Rarity yanked the mare after her by telekinetically grabbing the toilet paper and dragging her in her wake.

Velvet hiccupped, shrugged and followed after refilling her glass one last time.

“Should we go after them?” Rainbow asked after a moment.

“Or at least tell them that the Cakes have locked up the shop and are camping out at the wedding pavilion to do their final preparations in the morning?” Pinkie added.

Still mostly submerged, Twilight snorted. “Nah, maybe the fresh air will do them good. By the time they find their way back, perhaps they’ll have sobered up a little.”

Fluttershy giggled at that. “Not as long as your mom has that flask of hers.”

***

Friday – 11:15 P.M.

A drake and two stallions stood valiantly atop a dark hill on the outskirts of Ponyville, their uniforms and sashes blowing in the wind.

“Shining, why are we dressed like this?” Spike asked, tugging at his Starfleet uniform.

“Because,” Shining Armor replied, settling the ill-fitting knight outfit, “this was my gift to you, a last night of freedom, one last adventure. Once married, you never get to do this.”

“Eh,” Spike replied and finally realized that, due to his dragon constitution, he was probably the most sober of the group. “I literally married AJ the first time while wearing this. I think she’s fine with it, to be honest. And the other night in the bedroom we dressed up and she came in with a bowl of spaghetti …”

“Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope Nope,” Big Mac, wearing all the trappings of a Humgonian warrior, repeated to himself while clamping his forehooves over his ears and trying to block out whatever Spike was about to say.

“Oh, sure,” Shining went on, only slightly slurring his words. “It’s all fine in the bedroom, or for the Crystal Reneighsance Fair. But you don’t get to LARP. You wanna wear the exact same thing and run around a field with your buddies while throwing packets of rice at each other, then it’s suddenly ‘childish’ or ‘not really befitting of a prince consort to be seen like this in public’ or whatever.”

“Shining? Everything alright between you and Cadence?” Spike asked carefully.

“Sure, sure. I love her. We’re great.” Then he draped one forehoof across Spike’s shoulder and pointed towards town with the other. “But tonight it’s just us, and we’ll have a glorious adventure, recovering the trinket of your lady from the castle.”

Spike cleared his throat and moved Shining’s hoof so that it was actually pointing towards Sugarcube Corner. That’s when he noticed it. “Huh, there’s light on. Weird, Cakes told me they were taking the kids and camping out near the pavilion.”

At that, Big Mac shouldered his way past the two to look down in horror. “Burglars. What if they take Ma’s ribbon?”

“There’s probably a more reasonable explanation,” Spike replied. “Even if, I doubt they’d go in there to steal a ribbon.”

Snorting, Big Mac pawed at the ground, lowered his head and began thundering down the hillside. “TODAY … IS A GOOD DAY … FOR PIE!!!”

“Looks like he’s not gonna take that chance,” Shining determined and began ambling after him. “CHARGE!!! For the Honor of Greyspine!!!”

“Guys!” Spike shouted after them, looked around the now empty hill, and ran after them.

***

Friday – 11:13 P.M.

“Let’s go back, Rarity. This is silly,” AJ pleaded while Velvet made their way past the two mares towards the locked front door of Sugarcube Corner.

“I refuse to give up when we’re so close,” Rarity replied petulantly, stomping her hooves on the ground. “I want this to be perfect for you, darling.”

“It ain’t got to be perfect, sugarcube. Spike and ah are already married. A silly trinket ain’t gonna make or break the day. I love ya for trying, but the shop’s closed.”

*click*

Both mares looked over towards Velvet who was holding the front door open for them. “Did ya wanna go in or not? *hic*”

“Yes, you’re a star, darling!” Rarity exclaimed and wasted no time entering and putting a light on to start rummaging around.

“Rarity!” AJ called, then clamped her mouth shut, looking around briefly before she dragged Velvet inside as well. “Auntie, did you just pick that lock?”

“Why, yes, dear,” Velvet replied with a lopsided grin as she pushed the hairpin back into her mane and took a swig from her flask. “You’d be surprised the things you learn when doing research for a mystery novel.”

AJ raised a hoof, but paused with a wince when she heard some glass shatter from behind the counter. “Hold that thought. Discussion for later.” Then she moved further inside and hissed at her friend: “Ya do realize that what we’re doin’ right now oughta be considered breaking and entering, right?”

“Oh, relax, darling,” Rarity replied, continuing to rifle through cabinets and cupboards. “The Cakes are our friends. We’ll leave them a note and I’m going to pay them back tomorrow. This is a fashion emergency.”

Suddenly, the three mares jumped as a huge crash could be heard from the direction of the back door. “What in tarnation was that?” AJ asked.

Velvet chuckled. “I dunno. Ghosts?”

Rarity gave a nervous laugh. “Don’t be silly, darling. Ghosts aren’t …”

Pans and pots clanged throughout the kitchen, the noise of chaos growing closer and closer until a large, white apparition burst through the doors and into the main area.

“GHOOOSSSSTTTTT!!!!” Rarity screamed and bolted the other direction, bowling over AJ and Velvet until the other two mares scrambled back to their hooves and likewise took of screaming.

***

Friday – 11:21 P.M.

“Mac, stop!” Spike shouted in desperation, but it was too late.

The large form of the earth pony stallion, hardened through years of physical labor, barreled through the back door of Sugarcube Corner as Shining Armor gaily jumped after him with a “Tally Ho!”

Then Spike’s world went dark as something covered his eyes and he found himself running into his compatriots, sending the trio careening throughout the kitchen while seemingly running into every counter, stove and kitchen implement inside the entire shop.

Waving his arms, Spike finally managed to free his vision after they’d already run through the entire length of the shop, out the other side, and him and Shining being dragged along by the tablecloth Big Mac had gotten himself entangled in.

“Big Mac, stooooop!” Spike shouted once again when he saw something big and dark looming in their path, but once again his shout fell on deaf ears until the unstoppable force met the immovable object in the form of Big Mac running headlong into a solid wall.

It was then and there that Spike realized why inertia dampeners were always such a big thing on his favorite show. Feeling himself continuing to go forward, he took Shining’s unintentional hoof right to the gut, found himself heaving and breathed a gout of flame that he was only just able to angle away from his brother and brother-in-law.

He did, however, recognize the Ponyville clock tower as he looked up, as well as the fact that a corner of it was now very much on fire. “Oh no, oh no, oh no,” was his mantra as he tried to pat out the flames.

“Aha!” With that exclamation, his world turned upside down once again as Big Mac ripped something from his foot that had gotten stuck to it through their tumble. “Ma’s ribbon! Q’apla!”

Unfortunately, cracking his head on the dirt road after literally having the ground pulled out from under him, another unintentional fire breath escaped the dragon, stoking the inferno at the corner of the old wooden construction and he moved his claws over his mouth to prevent any further exhalations.

“Quest successful,” he heard Shining declare before he had to blink his eyes as a flashlight was suddenly shone into his face.

Chief Bronze Shield stood there, staring at the inferno before slowly turning towards Spike, not saying anything.

“Hiya, Chief,” Spike said in a muffled voice, not trusting himself to move his claws off his face, “could you get a hold of the Fire Department real quick?”

***

Friday – 11:24 P.M.

“Rarity! Stop!” Applejack yelled while huffing and puffing. “Ya know as well as ah do that wasn’t a ghost back there!”

“I know that!” Rarity shrieked back over her shoulder, her breathing equally labored. “I’m not running! I’m following her!”

She indicated Velvet who was running ahead of them while shouting “Whee!!!”

“The way she’s going, she’s heading straight into the Everfree!”

“Oh, for pony’s sake!” Seeing the dark treeline looming closer, AJ snapped her jaws at the remains of her toilet paper dress, twirled her head a couple of times to twist it into the semblance of a lasso and let muscle memory of years of rodeo participations take over, aiming for her errant mother-in-law.

“Whoo!” Velvet kept giggling in what could only be described Pinkie Pie – levels of elation even as she tripped and the three mares rolled straight into a tree at the outskirts of the Everfree, getting covered in leaves and tree sap. “I haven’t had this much fun since college!”

The two younger mares just stayed on the ground, catching their breaths until they suddenly heard a male voice speak up. “Are you alright, ladies? We had reports of a disturbance in the area.”

“Finally, the evening’s getting good!” It was Velvet who immediately got up to greet the young officer.

“Ma’am?” Deputy Beagle asked in confusion as the older mare got uncomfortably close to his face and he found himself immediately blushing.

“And here I thought my daughter was too much of a prude to hire one,” Velvet giggled, lifting the stallion’s hat off and throwing it away. “Skip the bit, officer. Take it off. Take it all off.”

“Oh no,” Rarity mumbled into AJ’s ear as she saw the display of Velvet rubbing herself against him, tree sap covering the uniform immediately. “Do you think she mistook him for a …”

“Oh, for pony’s sake,” was all AJ could add as she buried her face in her hooves, blushing furiously.

“I think,” Deputy Beagle said, trying awkwardly to keep the overly affectionate Velvet off of him and certainly catching a whiff of the alcohol on her breath, “that I’m going to have to ask the three of you politely to accompany me down to the station.”

“Oh, are you gonna slap cuffs on us if we resist?” Velvet asked in a voice that was way more excited than it had any right to be.

Applejack groaned.

***

Saturday – 3:04 A.M.

“As you can see, Your Highness,” Chief Bronze Shield said while he sat at his desk, going over the paperwork with Twilight, “most ponies, upon hearing the circumstances, were willing to drop the charges, provided the damages will be paid for.”

Twilight, who had been shooting glances at the culprits during the recounting of the events that had led them here, sighed and signed the release forms for Big Mac, Shining Armor, Rarity and Applejack. “I'll make sure of it. You have my word as a Princess of the Realm on it.”

He nodded, adding his own signature and a stamp to the papers. “I'm sure they'll accept that. We both know that the residents of Ponyville are a very forgiving bunch within reason.” He nodded towards Deputy Beagle, who picked up on the signal and opened the cells. “So I'll release your friends and your brother into your custody. Just make sure to keep them out of trouble.”

“I can keep my friends in check,” Twilight grumbled. “As for my brother, I'm quite sure Princess Cadence has her own forms of punishment for him.”

Shining Armor winced noticeably at that comment. Bronze Shield cleared his throat, trying to keep things strictly professional. After all, it was his job to uphold the law, not to judge. That was up to the courts and the princesses. “What should we do about Spike? Damage to a historic monument falls under the purview of the Crown, which means you have the authority to summarily rule on the matter right now if you wish.”

Twilight thought about that for a moment. Then she spoke without hesitation or mercy in her voice. “You can release him as well. He will be donating his weekends for the next month or so to repairing the damage and giving the clock tower a new coat of paint.”

“I will?” Spike asked from his cell.

“Yes, you will,” Twilight told him in no uncertain terms. “And the cost for the supplies will be coming out of your pay.”

The dragon gulped, then lowered his head. “Yes, Your Highness,” he said, in one of the rare moments when he addressed his oldest friend by her official title.

“Don't worry, sugarcube,” Applejack comforted him. “Ah'll help ya.”

“No, you won't, Applejack,” Twilight interjected immediately, not even looking at them. “If I let the two of you handle this together, odds are there's gonna be even more fire damage. No help!”

“Right,” the Chief said, looking a little perplexed at the blushing couple and Twilight's odd choice of words while rifling through his desk drawer for a form 39B. “I'll just mark the sentence down as community service, then. This will require the approval of the Mayor, but, as I've said before, she's probably gonna be happy about getting the tower restored without straining the city budget.”

Twilight nodded. “I'll talk to her in the morning.”

“That leaves us with your mother,” Bronze Shield said delicately, casting a glance at the one remaining mare behind bars, who was sleeping on the small cot, her snores periodically broken up by a small hiccup or two. “Though I'm afraid that's out of my hooves.”

“I understand.” Twilight stood up and walked over to the junior officer standing in front of the cells. “Alright, Deputy Beagle. What's it going to take to make this go away?”

The young stallion glanced over at his boss. “Well, …, this is really a matter of principle. Gotta respect the uniform, if not the stallion, and all that.”

“I understand perfectly. But let's approach this logically. One: My mother isn't a Ponyville resident, so this isn't gonna negatively impact the reputation of the Ponyville Police Force, and it's gonna be much less hassle for everypony involved if you just dropped this. Two: This is a first offense, so letting her off with a warning seems sufficient to me. Three: I'll make sure you get a proper apology, once I get her sobered up that is. And finally, was what she did really that bad?”

Beagle looked away with a blush. “Well, I gotta admit, it was actually a little flattering in certain respects.”

“So would you be willing to drop the charges?”

“Well … maybe, …” The stallion once again glanced at Bronze Shield, then waved for Twilight to come closer while he whispered something in her ear.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Really?” Finally, exhaustion overrode her desire to do things by the book, so she gave Bronze Shield a dead-pan look. “Chief, take a nap. You didn't see or hear any of this.” She didn't want to take advantage of his kindness, but she figured she'd be able to get away with it just this once.

“Right, I'll just be sitting here at my desk, dozing off,” he acknowledged.

Twilight concentrated on one of the shelves in her private study back in the castle and summoned a book from there, handing it over to Beagle. “One 1^st edition copy of Canterlot Secret Society, signed by my mother.”

The young officer beamed as he received the volume from her, until he met the stern look from his superior. “My wife's a fan of her early work,” he said sheepishly.

“Rule of Acquisition #98,” Spike whispered towards Big Mac. “Every stallion has his price.”

“Eyup,” the farmpony confirmed with a stoic nod.

“Auntie wrote that line, you know.”

“Alright, everypony. Back home and sleep it off,” Twilight told the lot of them. “You've got a wedding to go to in the morning, for pony's sake!”

Spike and Shining Armor took it upon themselves to pick up the still sleeping Velvet between the two of them. There was no need to even discuss the matter.

“Thank you, Chief. I appreciate your cooperation, and your discretion,” Twilight told Bronze Shield as they filed out of the small police station.

He nodded in return. “Just keep them out of trouble for the rest of the weekend.”

“I’ll do my best. And?”

“And I'd appreciate it if you could talk to Mayor Mare about our overtime pay again?”

“Done,” Twilight confirmed, holding out her hoof.

He shook it warmly. “Goodnight, Your Highness.”

“Goodnight, Chief,” Twilight replied with a tone of relief in her voice as she turned to follow the sorry procession out the door. “Keep up the good work.”