> Not So Quiet on the Set
>  by IDigAPony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> I Don't Want to Spoil The Party (Take 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 
“Cut!  Great work girls!  That’s it. Season 5 is a wrap!”

“Thank heavens!  I don’t think I could’ve - oh shit what time is it? - I gotta call my agent before she leaves for Las Pegasus!” Dash, whipped out her cell phone.  “She told me that Dartin Horsekayzee is doing an new picture and he pretty much wrote the lead role for me.  She said I still need to try out for it and do a screen test, but it’s pretty much in the bag. He probably wants me to try out for the part like a regular actress just to make it look good. She wouldn’t tell me anything about the role though....”

The director looked at Rainbow Dash.  He rolled his eyes and shook his head slowly. “Really Rainbow?  Really?!”

“”What? Hey, it’s who I am baby!”

“Yeah, right,” he smirked, “Let me know how that works out for you…”

“Oh yeah?  Well, fu-”

“DASH!”  He snapped. “Watch it.”

“I was just going to say, uh... fun times ahead.’”

“Fun?” the director asked dubiously. 

“Yeah, you know, that thing you never have?  Now I gotta make this call.  Llllllater-bye”  she said and flew off toward her dressing room.

A production assistant wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard walked up to where the cyan pony was hovering and stood politely behind and below her. “Rainbow Dash?” she asked meekly, trying to keep the awe out of her voice.

Dash glanced over her shoulder at the young filly. She  thought she recognized her from around the lot.  Dash gave her a wink then scowled before speaking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?!  What is it?” She sounded annoyed.

“Your hooficurist is here.”

“Finally!!” Dash hung up her cell phone. “I hope Keri brought her crash cart, my hooves are like code freakin blue!  Look at them!”  She flew over and plopped her right rear hoof on the production assistant’s clipboard, almost knocking it to the ground. Dash peered down at her hoof, then suddenly gasped. “Ohmygosh! D-do I have a hangnail?  I can’t look. G-go ahead, tell me - I can take it….”

The tan pegasus filly looked closely at the hoof “I think it looks perfect…”

“Helloooooo - are you kidding me?!  Are we looking at the same shapely hoof?   It looks like I’ve been out kicking dirt clods with Rarity!  Say, who are you? I don’t …”  Dash glanced down for a moment.  “Ohhhh  you must be Candy’s replacement, the one Rarity brought in from the cold. I didn’t catch your name - doesn’t matter- there are a few rules around here sister that you would do well to tattoo on the back of your hoof for future reference. Follow behind now and you can write them on your little clipboard there.” Dash instructed, lifting her hoof off the clipboard and hovering away slowly.  The young assistant nodded eagerly clicked the top of her pen and looked up with a big smile. Dash rolled her eyes and shook her head.  Then she looked down at the filly.

“First... “

But Dash tripped on the next word.  She got her first real look at the young earth pony and it was a long one. The pony looking up at her looked incredibly familiar. She had a light brown coat and a darker mane.  Her eyes were magenta. her body firm and lithe. Dash couldn't stop staring at her.

Across the huge sound stage Applejack and Pinkie Pie watched it unfold.

“That poor young thing” said Pinkie,, princess Rainbitch is going to eat her alive..”

“Rainbitch?  Really Pinkie?  Did you come up with that all by yourself?”

“Sure did!  Do you like it?”

“Well it is kinda funny even if it’s not really who Dash is.  Anyway you better not let her hear you say it.”

“Sounds to me like somepony’s not following the rules!” Pinkie admonished.

Applejack rolled her eyes then cleared her throat and spoke in a stilted manner suggesting something less than conviction in what she said.. “Oh, right, yeah, lookit ol Rainbitch - she’s sure gettin an eyeful!”

“Ohhh, she’s gettin an eyeful alright.  She’s gettin an eyeful BIG TIME!  I gotta say, this girl is definitely Dash’s type.”  Pinkie was fully committed even if AJ wasn’t. 

”Yeah, I reckon she’ll be drooling soon.”  AJ smirked.

“Yeah, definitely the flavors that the bitch likes.  Light brown mane, firm and trim, little white freckles,  too bad she hasn’t got a cowgirl hat and her eyes aren’t green.” Pinkie said with a touch of venom.

Applejack’s jaw dropped.  She turned and looked at Pinkie ”Excuse me?”

“Oh I’ll go there, you see if I don’t go there Appleslut!” Pinkie turned and scowled. Then she hissed “I’m going there big  time and I’m going to look for a nice piece of real estate with a view of your rump so I can watch it bounce from bed to bed!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to my dressing room for a good cry, a pint of pink bubblegum ice cream, and some drugs which I will wash down a certain bottle of scotch which was purchased for a certain anniversary.  In case you don’t know what I’m referring to, it was a bottle that we were supposed to open on our week and a half anniversary, you whore!”  Pinkie said through her tears and ran off the sound stage, dodging puzzled stagehoofs as they carried scenery, camera’s and equipment back and forth.  She headed straight for her dressing room.

Applejack stood, once again utterly slack-jawed, staring at the retreating pink haunches on either side of the bouncy pink tail and feeling more clueless than she usually felt after a dose of Pinkie randomness.  

Rarity came up alongside Applejack. “She still thinks you two had an affair, doesn’t she?”  

“Rarity, we gotta talk, I know I said I’d go along with this idea of yours but I don’t know,  Did you hear what she just said to me?!  Take some drugs?!”  Applejack turned toward Rarity.  Rarity’s eyes were wet with tears and her chin had started to tremble.

“But, I thought we’d all agreed…” her voice was a tiny whisper  “we would all go along with it…”

Applejack closed her eyes, remembering her Pinkie Promise.  She let out a deep sigh. and without much conviction said, “Oh yeah, we went out to dinner, once, and suddenly she thinks we’re dating. That ain’t as bad as her telling everypony about all the hot sex we’re supposed to be having.”  Applejack looked at Rarity and rolled her eyes “Zat better?”

Rarity gave a tiny smile and sniffed nodding quickly, then returned to the drama...“Oh I know!” she exclaimed. Her smile broadened at the sign that her friend would cooperate, even if it was half-hearted.  As for Applejack, she couldn’t help but smile at Rarity’s enthusiasm.  She decided to really try.

“WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ?!! Applejack demanded dramatically, turning toward her..

“Oh nothing darling - just the thing with the tuning fork, the rubber hose and the kumquat.”

“Wait, the WHAT?!”  Applejack said, her head snapping back in true shock.

“Oh, I’m sure I don’t know," Rarity said casually, "In any event nopony believes any of it.  Well almost nopony…”

This was starting to get a little out of hoof for the farm pony. “Oh GREAT! Just great!”  Applejack said, lifting her hat, ready to throw it on the ground.

“Calm down darling, in case you didn’t know, you are not the hot topic of conversation around the set. Have you met Saffron?  She’s the pony they hired to replace Candy.  She is beyond adorable.”

“Yeah, well I ain’t met her officially, but I’ve seen her. She’s over there talking to Rainbitch.”  Applejack said morosely, placing her hat back on her head and nodding in the direction of the two. “You sure ponies ain’t talkin about me?”

“Rainbitch?!” Rarity said gleefully.

“Yeah, Pinkie came up with it.”

“I’ll have to bake her a cake for that one…  Anyway, sweetie, you do remember what I told you about being talked about, don’t you?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “How could I forget.  You only told me about a million times when you were pretending to try to convince me to sleep with you. The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about…”

“And it’s still true, and my invitation still stands.”

“Yeah, I reckoned as much, as long as I wear the Applejewel outfit,” Applejack said rolling her eyes once again.

Rarity’s mouth curved into a dreamy smile, her eyes rolled back and she closed her lids as she exhaled a shuddering groan of lust.

Applejack’s head recoiled slightly and for a moment, she looked worried. “Uhhh, you okay?”

In a high pitched squeal Rarity answered. “I think I just had the tiniest orgasm...” then she sighed again and sat down hard.  

Applejack lowered her head and raised her hoof until the two met, after which she shook her head slowly, though she had to work to keep from laughing. She had to admit, Rarity was really good at this. The snow white pony looked at Applejack with an expression that seemed to confirm that she may indeed have just had a tiny one... “Oh darling you really did look beyond the beyond with your hair up...in those adorable ringlets...dangling down and framing your gorgeous green eyes…” Rarity closed her eyes as though she were calling the image to mind again.  

Applejack was turning a deep crimson.  Rarity continued “...and your make-up…”she groaned, “...and the tight, form fitting gown-ow-ow-ow-owwnnnn-ope!” she gave a little squeal, then whispered “I think I just came again!”   She smiled sleepily at Applejack and leaned over, kissing the side of her muzzle. She spoke a little louder so that anypony nearby could hear. “Thank you darling, that was wonderful.  Oh, and that dress code requirement is no longer necessary.  In fact I don’t care if you’re covered in mud.  Show up to my dressing room any day or night and I promise to make you happier than any old colt ever could…”

“Uhhh, you're welcome Rarity, and I’ll certainly keep that offer in mind,”  Applejack said with a puzzled look and a polite smile. 

The stagehoofs had taken a break from carrying large pieces of the set across the soundstage floor. Some had stopped to listen to the conversation. 

Back on the other side of the stage Rainbow Dash had landed and was enjoying a nice backrub from the new girl as Keri Tan, her  hooficurist stood by holding Dash’s cellphone to her ear and looking very put out.  Dash looked at AJ and Rarity with a very smug smile then slowly mouthed two bad words.  Well, one was bad, the other was just ‘you.’

Rarity looked at her and suppressed a smile muttering “Atta girl” under her breath, “Dash - what a pro!”  She turned back to Applejack who’d heard the compliment, as intended, and felt her competitive nature rise. 

She thinks Dash is a pro at this?  Just wait Rares…

“So Applejack, will you be attending the wrap party?  There’s a rumor that they’re going to have an open bar…”

“I reckon I have to show my face.  How long do you figure the bar will be open sweet cheeks?”

If she was impressed with Applejack's attempt at shocking her with such provocative talk, she hid it well.  She smirked back and rolled her eyes.  Applejack scowled.

Rarity, who was looking past several eavesdropping stagehands who had conveniently decided to pause near enough to listen in, intoned “Oh I should imagine a couple of hours. I do hope you decide to go," now she turned toward Applejack, clearly indicating that the farm pony should listen to how it's done. "I’ll require your assistance in running interference between me and Donut Joe.  He  thinks he’ll catch me on the rebound from Iron Will, but truth be told I’m just about ready to give up on colts.  Don't get me wrong, Willy and I were never serious,  more like friends with benefits, but Cheese Sandwich? I cannot tell you how many bits I would part with if I could expunge the vile scene I walked in on between those two in my bed!  MY BED!! Please say you’ll be there!”  With that she looked at Applejack with a very self satisfied smirk of superiority.  The earth pony had been schooled. 

A look came over Applejack's face, one that Rarity had not seen before. It was wicked and was reserved for those times when Applejack  went in, guns blazing...

“You fucking selfish bitch. Face it, you are on the rebound sugarcube!  I should just let you suck down your usual 3 Cosmo’s then stand back so Donut Joe can take that pastry bag of his and frost your donut.  Celestia knows you need it. In fact, I might just get in line ahead of you.”

Rarity, jaw agape, eyes wide, was in shock. 

Applejack went on, "I reckon you might wanna shut that mouth 'a yours before one of these young colts decides to fill it."

Rarity gasped sharply, then turned to her.  There were tears in her eyes. “Oh, Applejack…!”

AJ, suddenly scared that she’d gone too far, blanched.

“I-I can’t believe you said all those things to me!  They were, well, utterly… Brilliant!!  You are really the best friend a pony ever had!”  She threw her arms around her friend and gave her a big hug.  After a moment she stepped back.  “And talk about a Pro!  We could all take a lesson from you!” 

Applejack blushed deeply and looked down, pawing the floor in embarrassment and pride. “Aw shucks Rarity…”

Rarity’s voice became one of utter sincerity and she placed a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder.. “Thank you Applejack.“

Applejack looked up at her friend. “You’re welcome...bitch.”

Rarity squealed in delight, gave her a quick hug then suddenly stepped back, took a breath and getting back into the spirit said “Well!” indignantly and marched off in disgust, though she couldn't keep the smile from her lips.



“Hey Sis - great season, eh?  Certainly glad it’s over.  I truly need the break.”  Big Macintosh had strolled up behind her. Applejack decided to show her brother her new attitude as well.

“Oh hey Mac. Yeah, me too." She glanced over at Twilight's new castle,  "You know I still want to know just who decided that my throne was going to be next to hers?  Don’t laugh, it ain’t funny.  Why not put Dash’s next to hers?  Make the beginning of a great poker hand - “pair of bitches or better to open…”

Big Mac sighed.  “Oh no AJ, not you too.  Do we have to?  I’m not really sure…”

“What's the matter big brother, can't handle it?" Applejack said with a cocky smirk.

Big Macintosh stopped cold. His sister continued forward then seeing he'd stopped, stumbled.  He looked at her, deadpan, then raised a big blonde eyebrow.

"Really?"

Applejack suddenly felt very foolish. She let out a deep sigh. "Now listen Mac, I ain’t exactly crazy about it either, but we all agreed…”

Big Mac smiled to have his sister back, then rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know.  Let’s change the subject then.  Have you met Saffron the new production assistant? You know she reminds me of somepony…”

“Don’t you start Mac. She don’t look a thing like me!”

“I don’t know, but something about her reminds me of you...”

“She does not  look like me.  Look at her, she’s just some star struck kid.  Watches the show and thinks that’s who we really are. She’s laughing way too hard at Rainbitch’s lame jokes-”

“Woah!  What did you call one of your best friends?”

“Rainbitch.  It’s Pinkie’s”

Mac looked at her for a moment then suddenly burst out in laughter.  “Oh that’s good!  Rainbitch!  That is classic. Promise me I’ll be there when she finds out about that.” he said, laughing. “This may turn out to be more fun than I’d realized. You know that Pinkie Pie is makin up stories that the two of you are having an affair.”

“Yeah, I know.  We had our first "public fight" about 10 minutes ago.” Applejack said, holding up her forehooves and making the air quotes gesture.

“Oh yeah?  How was it?”

“Pretty one sided.  I just kinda stood there and listened.”

“You know I could  have some fun with this…” the large Clydesdale mused.

“Careful brother, I still have those pictures from your wardrobe malfunction…”

“You what?!  I told you to burn those!”

“I’m sorry, but that was too funny Mac.  When your package came bustin out of your girdle, while we were rehearsing the classroom scene in “Filly Vanilli” and the whole set went dead quiet…”

Big Mac smiled at the memory “Good thing it was the night before we shot the scene so none of the little ones actually in the classroom! There'd be a lot of explaining to do. Then there was Hoity Toity.  He took one look and screamed before he fainted,” chuckled the large stallion.

“Yeah, and he’s been after you ever since.”  Applejack laughed

“Tell me about it!  I was a might ticked off at the time - never did find out who put that “stud juice”  in my cider - or who weakened the crotch seam in my girdle.”

“Brother, from what I saw there coulda been a steel plate riveted down there and you still would punched through it like tissue paper!”  Applejack burst out with a hearty laugh.

“Well with Fluttershy bending over and flashing me through that classroom window. - and wearing them new sheer girdles you girls just got - they may do a better job of hiding our, you know, parts from the camera’s, but live...well... I can't say they cover much at all.”  Big Mac looked off across the soundstage at the door to Fluttershy’s dressing room. He smiled as though in a dream  “Something about the way the stage lighting was hitting her, I could see…” he sighed “It’s just a good thing it was only the adults and none of the colts or fillies were there. You don't reckon Flutters was in on it do you?”

Applejack didn’t notice his question. She was adjusting something around her waist. “Speakin ‘a girdles, I gotta get this one off, it’s itching me something fierce!  At least the dang thing breathes better than the last one.”  she said sitting down and fumbling with something in the center of her chest.  Finally she found the zipper that was concealed in the girdles fabric. She used her magnet and unzipped it down to her stomach and stopped.

“Do me a favor Mac and block for me?”  

“Huh? Oh, right.”

“Thanks, I’d just as soon not be showing the cast and crew my private business!”

“Yeah, I reckon one big reveal per family is enough.”

Applejack laughed, “I reckon your right.”

Big Mac stood in front of his sister with his back to her. She looked around and quickly ran the magnet the rest of the way down her front and all the way around to the inside base of her tail, then wriggled out of it.

“Okay, I’m good.  Thanks Mac. You know I like these new ones.  They breathe but they hide our business from the camera’s and they blend perfectly with our coats.”  She held her’s up and sniffed it.

“AJ!  Do you really have to do that?!”

“Sorry, just trying to see if I can get another wear out of it before I throw it in the laundry.  Not with this one though, whew!”  She looked at her brother who was blushing and rolling his eyes.  “You know Mac, you are such a prude”  Applejack said, fanning her crotch with her hoof. “even with the sheer mesh, it still leaves my girl parts kinda sweaty.  I know why Dash came up with the name hotbox.”

“Oh well that’s just lovely Sis, just lovely.”  He smiled. “You realize AJ, that the season’s over, don’t you?  We get some time off now.”  

Applejack stopped fanning.  She looked off into the distance and didn’t say anything for awhile.  Then she sighed.

“AJ?  You okay?” 

“I’m sorry Mac, all of a sudden I’m feeling…:  I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

Several minutes passes before she spoke again.

“Maybe I’ll have ‘em write me off the show.”  She looked down at the ground.  “I’m just a background pony anyway…” She looked up with tears in her eyes.

“Oh AJ, don’t start that again.” Mac said, rubbing her coat with a towel he’d had over his shoulders. “A bunch of stupid fans who don’t understand the first thing about the show, dramatic structure or how writing comedy and drama actually work. Anypony who thinks that doesn’t have a clue as to what the show is about, we all know that.  You may not have the most fans out there but the ones you got are fierce, loyal and absolutely love you.   C’mon AJ, don’t be like that. You keep them all grounded, you remind all of us what it is to be normal.  You are kind of important you know, after all you’re the element of honesty.  Without you we’d still be living under Nightmare Moon’s rule, or did you forget that part?”

AJ’s voice was strained as she fought to keep her emotions in check. “I know Mac, but when they take our stories and turn them into the show, somehow I come off looking like the boring one. I’ll tell you, it don’t exactly feel boring when it’s happening for real.  Maybe on the show they should just pretend it’s all done with just five ponies.   I’ll still be part of the team when the real stuff’s happening, but they could just write around me for the show.  Or maybe get another actress with more, you know, pizzazz.”  AJ sniffed and wiped her eye with the back of her hoof.

“Oh that will work fine - great dramatic balance. You take one acute bipolar, add a vain, self-involved fashionista, then mix in an adorable agoraphobic with serious self-esteem issues, combine with an A-type over-the-top extroverted jock who’s ego is as fragile as an eggshell and top it all off with the queen of the obsessive compulsive s and there you have it.  “My Little Whack Jobs:Friendship is Madness”  What a great show!  For about 2 episodes.”  

Though her tears Applejack suddenly started laughing.  Big Mac took her into his arms. Applejack whispered into his ear: “I love you so much big brother, you're my hero and always will be.” 

Big Mac coudn't speak for several moments, he was a monument to the saying "still waters run deep."  In his case it was very deep indeed.  She knew it and just hugged him tighter. Finally she heard him whisper in her hear, “I love you too sis." A few moments later he pulled back and touched his forehead to hers.  "You leave the show and I’ll tan your hide.”

AJ, her eyes wet with tears smiled at him and gave a little sniff.  “What do you think of  Twibitch Spunkle?” she asked.

Mac laughed. “Oh that’s way better than Rainbitch. I can’t wait to share that one with Twi - she’ll love it.”

“Yeah, maybe.” AJ said with a grin.  “So you goin to the wrap party?  Rarity says they’re having an open bar.”

“Is that a fact?  They ordered a couple of kegs of cider from us.  One is the hard stuff.  If they have that stout they had at the Hearthswarming Eve party then I’ll be there.  Oh great! - Hoity Toity!!”

The well-dressed famous fashion critic sauntered over to the two Apples.

“Well I suppose that does it for another season, eh kids?” he asked the two.

“eYup” the siblings replied in unison.

“You goin to the wrap party Hoity?” asked Applejack.

“Oh those things are perfectly dreadful.  Don’t tell me you two are going!”

“Well I sorta promised Rarity I’d go.  But Big Mac was sayin how he didn’t care much for them.” Applejack said slyly and looked at her brother, “so I reckon he’ll just be hangin around the farm.”.  Mac glared back at her.  Hoity didn’t seem to notice.

“REALLY?!!  Funny you should say that.  You know I found the cutest little bistro that just opened just south of Horeston Street in SoHo,  I was there the other night with a friend - you know Steve Magnet, right?  Anyway it struck me as just the sort of place you’d like Big Macintosh.  They serve the most divine Coq…” he let the word draw out a moment, glancing playfully at Mac “...uquille St Jacques. It’s simply scrumptious. Their scallops were sooo tender, but still nice and firm...I had it with an excellent Chardonnay. It was, well it was magnifique!”. Hoity kissed the tip of his hoof as he said.it.  He turned and elbowed Mac in the side, hard. “Whadda say Mac why don’t you and I have a boys night out?  My treat…”  he offered, raising a seductive eyebrow.

Mac glared at his sister, then suddenly brightened and turned to the fashionista. “I’d love to HT!”

Hoity's face lit up and he clapped his hooves together rapidly in excitement. “The only thing is I told Granny Smith I’d stay with her at the wrap party.  Why not next week?”

Applejack gaped at her brother in frozen shock.

Mac continued,  “But only if Applejack and Pinkie Pie join us…”

Hoity immediately stopped clapping, His face went into a deadpan sulk. “Well, I suppose…” he groaned and rolled his eyes.

Applejack’s gape suddenly became a glare.  She stared daggers at her big brother but he just smiled back.  Hoity suddenly brightened.  “Oh that’s right!!  You and Miss Pinkie are an item.  At least that’s the way she tells it.” he said rolling his eyes. “And quite the item at that!  So, it’ll be a double date then!  Oh goodie!  Won’t that be fun!”  The look on his face suggested he’d be having most of the fun.   “You know?” the fashion critic said, tapping his chin with a hoof,  “..I think I will go to that wrap party after all.  You and I can, you know, just hang…”  he giggled. “Toodle-loo you two.”  And with that he turned and started to trot away. Then he stopped, and turned around “Oh, and tootle-loo to you Applejack…” then he winked at Big Mac and in a flash, once again, was gone.

“Wait - who were the first two he said ‘toodle-loo’ to?”  Big Mac asked, clearly confused.  Applejack was laughing too hard to answer. Suddenly a look of horror crossed the big Clydesdale’s face. “Oh sweet mother of Celestia!  He was talking about me and my…”

Applejack, who’d utterly lost it was sitting on the floor holding her stomach and laughing so hard she could barely catch her breath, but she could point at her brother and nod....                
> I'm Looking Through You
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	A soft knock sounded on the door to Rarity’s dressing room.

“Come in” she said over her shoulder as she combed her mane.

The door opened and the large red Clydesdale entered.

“Big Macintosh! To what do I owe the pleasure?"  She turned and looked at him seductively "And speaking of pleasure, how about a quickie, darling?”

Big Mac froze for a moment. “Did you just say what I think I heard? A quickie? You and me? Rarity, just what in tarnation are you talkin' about?  Do you know how crazy you sound?  How crazy all of us sound?  I said it before," he paused then continued "and I’ll say it again - this whole idea is bad.”

“And what idea would that be?”

“Our actin' like a bunch of idiots.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rarity said, primping her mane.

“Really?”

“Yes Mac, really.  Our behavior is perfectly normal for young stars on the rise. We are jaded young ponies who live in the moment and grab all the sex, drugs, and fun that we can.”

“Come on Rarity. You know the two of us were not going to have a quickie, even though you pretended to ask me to, but that is what I wanted to warn you about. 10 minutes ago Applejack told me she has had it and she’s coming for you.  She’s putting on that Applejewel getup and the makeup and is on her way here.  She said not to bother showering, she’s going to dive right in.” The large stallion said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh excellent - finally I’ll get that hot blonde pony!  It’s like a dream come true!”  She winked at Mac “Get it?  I must say I’m getting all, well you know, excited just thinking about her and me frolicking...”

“Easy there, you’re talkin about my little sister.”

“You’re hot little sister!  Was I being too graphic?  I’m told that being graphic in your daily discussion in Ponywood is “tres chic.”

“It’s the whole thing.”

“My dear Big Macintosh, I know this seems quite strange, but face it, we are stars, and when we arrive in Ponywood, we really have to hit the ground running.”

“Well that’s good, because AJ is really on her way over here in that getup expecting you to deliver on all the hot sex talk. I ain’t kidding Rarity.  She said to tell you…” he paused and looked up, struggling with the words.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “that she’s been... “ he paused again. “Mmmm- oh the hay with it.  gettin warmed up.”  Big Mac shivered as though he’d seen something vile.

“Oh that’s marvelous!  I-”

“You still ain't gettin' it are you?  She really is on her way here to have sex with you. Honestly.  In about 2 minutes she is going to come through that door and she said you had better to be ready to deliver.”

“No," Rarity giggled uncertainly "she’s just getting into character as we all have, doing her best to please me and ensure our welcome in Ponywood as the new hot young starlets.”

“Nope.  She means to have real hot sex with you.”

“Y-you’re not kidding are you?” Rarity asked nervously. 

“Uh nope, I ain’t.  She said if we’re going to talk the talk we better be ready to walk the walk, so she’s hot and bothered and expects you to be the same.” 

“You mean that Applejack - your sister, sweet little Apple Bloom’s sister, one of my dearest friends really want’s to…” she swallowed hard before squeaking out the words.  ...have sex with me?!   Oh for goodness sake, why? That’s simply ridiculous!  I refuse to believe it.  Thi-this is not part of the plan.  We’re only supposed to talk about it!  Not actually do it!!”  The milk white pony began to pace nervously.  “Whatever has gotten into that sweet pony’s head?  She hasn’t actually been taking real drugs has she?  Please tell me that she hasn’t.”  Tears started to form in Rarity’s eyes as she looked up at the big Clydesdale.  “Wait!”  she sniffed,  “...the safe word!  I-I just have to say the safe word that we all agreed on and everything is fine!  Oh but that blows the whole charade!  I simply must remind her that once we get behind closed doors, we can relax”

BANG BANG BANG came the sound of a hoof hard against the door.

“Ahhhh!” screamed the fashionista. 

Applejack, standing outside of the dressing room, yelled at the door.

“RARITY?!!”  Came the voice from outside. “I’m hoping you’re ready, bitch, cause here comes AJ!!”  Applejack yelled from outside the dressing room. “You best be, cause I’m dressed up and I got that thing you sent me...” 

Applejack stood outside, staring at the dressing room door. Suddenly the door flew open and a white hoof reached out, grabbed the honey blonde pony and yanked her inside. The door slammed shut behind her.

“Oh that was great!” Rarity said nervously,  “Wouldn’t the Ponywood tabloids have a field day?  That was splendid Applejack, simply first-rate!”  Rarity’s smile was weak and trembling.  Applejack’s was firm, her eyes full of desire and purpose. 

The young blonde earth pony stood there looking absolutely stunning, though her manner and words seemed a bit incongruous with her wardrobe.. “Rarity, I reckon you know why I’m here.”

“Well, I understand the purpose of your visit and your objective was well met, but sweetie you’re starting to scare me.  You’re a little too believable.”

“Well you best believe it ‘cause I’m only here for one reason, to make good on my word. To do it!”

“But of course darling, you’re the element of honesty.”  Rarity sighed in relief.  “You would never say things that are not true.  You’ve said you’re going to make me happy,  and to, as you say, ‘do it.’”  Rarity whispered “You are so clever with your wordplay, I’ll have to remember that”  Then she returned to her normal speaking voice. “I suppose you’d say you’re here to please me and to make me happy in all sorts of ways.  I know you will my darling, as I will please you.”

“Oh, I get it...”  Applejack said with an air of realization  “...you think that I’m saying how I’m gonna fool around with you in a clever way so that I don’t have to really have sex with you while technically not be tellin’ a lie.  Is that about right?”

Rarity glared at her for divulging the clever plan. “Well, yes, I suppose…”

“Then let me put it another way -”  Applejack closed her eyes in concentration, preparing for her recitation, clearly determined to get the words right.  After a moment she opened them, looked at the somewhat puzzled face of her friend and spoke.

“I’m...I’m hot for your curt, baby!”  Applejack started, slowly moving toward her.  At first Rarity blushed but that was quickly followed by an expression of confusion.  After a moment the confusion cleared.

“Cunt darling, the word is cunt.” Rarity said, kindly.

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s curt. Leastways  that’s the word on them sheets you handed out.”  Applejack reached into her saddlebag and pulled out two dog-eared well-worn pieces of paper that were stapled together and had been rolled up lengthwise. “See for yourself, sugarcube.”  she said, handing them to her friend.  

Rarity took them and scanned the sheet.

“Oh great!” Rarity swore. “Derpy!  Rrrr! What else is wrong?” she scanned the paper.

Applejack swatted the sheets out of her hoof, and slowly closed in,  “I'll tell you what else is wrong, you and I are still gabbing and ain't makin' hot animal love, that our muzzles ain't buried between each other's..."

"Th-that's quite enough darling, I, uh..." Rarity said trembling as she retreated backwards.

        “And sweetcheeks,”  Applejack went on, “... that’s just for starters.  After that I’m gonna take this here ding-dong you sent over and…”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Dill-doh darling, it’s called a dildo.  I know I spelled that right!”

Applejack, reaching into her saddle bag, trying to stifle a laugh. “I can’t say that word without laughing.  Anyway round two is gonna be playtime with THIS!”  Applejack said as she slammed a rather impressive pink rubber phallus on the table with a solid whap..  It's base was rather large and it was completely equipped.  This allowed it to remain upright as it waved back and forth on the tabletop. 

Big Mac blushed as much as a red stallion could, and turned, unable to look upon the scene before him.  Rarity’s mouth dropped open, her eyes bulged wide and a funny noise came out of the back of her throat as she watched the thing wave back and forth on the table.

“Oh my!” Rarity said, her head recoiling slightly.  “I-I’d forgotten just how large that was..." she said, her head swaying in a kind of hypnotic synchonization as she watched the flesh colored metronome move back and forth.  "In, uh, any event It was, uh, meant to be left surreptitiously around your bungalow in case you had a visit from one of your new Ponywood movie stars friends."  She forced herself to look away from it and back toward her friend. "That way they’ll know that you, and by extension us, belong.”

“Oh, I’ll show them I belong all right.  Now do you want to do me first or should I do you?  Applejack said trying to picking up the impressive phallus.  It's base was slightly concave and so it had stuck to the glass table top. Finally with a great sucking POP, it came free. She turned and began approaching the trembling unicorn. The head of the long rubbery dildo waved randomly in the air as though sniffing for a target.  Rarity’s eyes flew open even wider and she continued backing away.  Big Mac, knowing his sister,  just stood and stared, smiling at her antics.

Applejack brought the weaving pink head right up to Rarity’s face, causing her to go cross-eyed. Then she tipped it forward and ran it up and down her friends horn, an organ with a high concentration of nerve endings.  Rarity’s eyes rolled back in her head and she shuddered in pleasure.  Her eyes opened suddenly in fear and she called out the safe word. 

“Tom!!”

Applejack stopped and let out a huge sigh. “Thank Celestia! That was sure scary. You sure waited long enough!”

“I cannot believe you were really going to do those things!  Whatever for?”

“‘Cause I’m hungry for you!” Applejack said sarcastically.   “Why the hay do you think so?!  Because I HATE this!  I wanted to teach you a lesson.”  

Rarity stood, looking at her.  The expression on her face was one that was vaguely familiar to  Applejack, but she couldn’t remember from where.

"What?” the farm pony asked, puzzled.

“Nothing, I’d just forgotten how amazing you are in that gown and with your makeup.” Rarity said with a smile.

Applejack suddenly looked worried, then held the swaying phallus up between their faces. 

“Don’t make me use this!”

After a moment, all three ponies suddenly burst out laughing.

“Look Rarity I know you read up on all the crazy things the big stars do in Ponywood, but that just ain’t us!!  I mean telling Pinkie to pretend she’s having an imaginary affair with me?  Pretending to have an affair with somepony as a gag I get.  Imagining you’re having an affair because you’re just not right in the head, I kinda get.  But pretending to have an imaginary affair?  Even Twilight’s confused by that one. And making us all pretend to hate each other, especially Twilight because she’s the star?  I love Twilight and I love you.  Why are you making us do this?!”  Applejack was getting worked up again..

“Because we are major stars all over Equestria and beyond!  If Derpy hadn’t discovered that all our fan mail was going to Poneville instead of Ponyville, we might never have known, bless her. There was tons of it Applejack, TONS I tell you!!  And now we are about to go to Ponywood make a MOVIE!!”  Rarity yelled back.  “We are going to Ponywood to shoot a full length multi-million bit feature film!  We simply have to act the part.  When I presented this idea to all of you, I thought we all agreed!  We want to fit into our roles as major celebrities!”

        “I think I oughta be telling Princess Celestia about all this nonsense!”

        “Don’t you DARE!”  Rarity growled. Then she drew a breath and calmed herself. “Darling, I agree that it’s awful behavior, but from all those the magazines that I asked Coco to send me from Manehattan, it’s clear that the really big stars out there behave abominably.  You do want to be a big star and not have them laughing at us, don’t you?  And if you don’t, then don’t deny those of us who do want to belong!”

“I ain’t sure I do.  I told you that Fluttershy won’t even come out of her cottage.”

“Well… yes.  She is playing her part as the quiet one  the press love that sort of thing. Oh, we simply must remember to spread lots of rumors about her struggles with drugs.” 

“This is crazy!”,yelled Big Mac. “I told you Rarity, that I did NOT support that part of your plan. If anypony upsets Fluttershy…”  He glared at Rarity.   

“And you’ve got Pinkie saying she’s taking those drugs?  What is that stuff anyway?”,  asked Applejack

“Ponywood Exposed says it’s a fashionable drug that all the rich housemares take, not to mention the big starlets.”

“And Scoltch?  Pinkie gets looped on day old cider!  How the hay you ever gonna convince them folks in Ponywood that she drinks Scoltch?”

“Don’t you understand?  She is supposed to be bipolar!  Up one minute and down the next.”

“BUT SHE’S NEVER DOWN!!  How you gonna explain that?”

“Easy - with some kind of crytsal.”

“Crystal?  Like a magical crystal?  Twilight says those things are outlawed.”

“No, no it’s a drug - crystal something, I don’t remember.  In any case it’s supposed to make you quite hyperactive.”

“HYPERACTIVE?!! Sweet mother of Celestia!  Are you out of your trendsetting mind?!  She’ll explode!  Twice!”  Applejack ranted, breathing hard and glaring.

“Do you really think I’m trendsetting?”

“RARITY!” brother and sister yelled.

“Sorry.  Anyway, she isn’t really going to take them.”

“And what happens when they find out?”

“That’s the best part - we all go into something called rehab!  It’s supposed to make you look fabulous when you come out.  It’s a like a spa -a makeover.of sorts.”

“Look,” Applejack said, her voice adopting a more reasonable tone, “those ponies out there can’t be all that different from us.  We’ve been as far as Dodge Junction and Appaloosa and I didn’t notice any difference ‘tween them and us.  - And what about Manehattan?  We were fine there.”

“Don’t tell me you’re comparing those two little cow towns to Ponywood!  And as far Manehattan, face it, we were just tourists, nothing more.  We didn't get to really know the ponies that live there, just the other tourists. The only Manehattan ponies we met were the cab driver and the bellhop. Who knows what they’re really like?  We simply cannot act like rubes when we arrive in Ponywood.  It’s a fast crowd that will leave us in the dust if we arrive clueless.  And then they’ll write about it, - and take it from me darling, once you establish a reputation as a goody four-hooves, you really need to start acting like a sex-crazed, drug addicted, alcohol-swilling non-stop party-pony spoiled brat, to get any respect.”

“Well what happens when Princess Celestia and Luna find out?”

“As I explained darling - what happens in Ponywood, stays in Ponywood.”

“But I thought you said that we need to get our faces, not to mention other parts, in the tabloids.  What do you reckon will happen when Celestia or Luna go to Manehattan?   We just finished the season, they’re bound to go on a vacation!  You know how Celestia loves musicals and how excited Luna about that Comic-Con thingy.  She couldn’t stop talking about it when we were shooting the "Magical Sheep" episode.  I don’t recollect the date, but if it’s after we get to Ponywood, and the tabloids start writing them things about us and she sees a copy on a newsstand…  Well, things could get a might ugly.”

Rarity froze and her eyes opened wide.. “Oh…I hadn’t considered that.”

“Yeah, well neither did I until a second ago. I reckon my brain is racing something fierce.  I don’t mind saying I was a might scared that I was really gonna hafta have sex with you.  My head was goin just as fast so I was just babbling and all the ideas about what could happen just came a-pourin out.”  

Applejack sat down, closed her eyes and let out an enormous sigh. She glanced at Rarity.  “Aww, don’t look so sad sugarcube, it was a good idea and I know you were just trying to help us.”

Rarity’s eyes had welled with tears and she looked down at the ground.  She was silent, but Applejack could see she was about to cry..

“Uh, AJ?”  Big Mac’s voice was soft.

“Yeah Mac?”

“I don’t think us cancelling the crazy ways behavior idea is what Rarity is upset about.”  He looked over at the white unicorn.  “That right Rarity?”

Rarity didn’t look up, she just nodded. 

“Well what in tarnation is she upset about?!  All I said was I was babbling because I was so terrified at the thought of…”  Applejack stopped, her mouth hanging open.  Her eyes slowly got wider and then she closed them, lowered her head and shook it slowly at her own stupid insensitivity. She walked over to her friend, put her hoof under the snow white chin and lifted it slowly.  She looked into Rarity’s tear-filled eyes and felt her heart sink.  She spoke to her friend softly..

“Rarity, I am so sorry.  I didn’t mean that.  Truth is, I reckon part of of the reason my racing heart was because I was afraid how much I wanted to, you know...”

“No you didn’t, you’re just saying that.” Rarity said, her voice strained with emotion. “You think I’m ugly.” she said dramatically, pulling her head away and staring back down at the ground.  Her shoulders shook as she started to cry.

Applejack looked wordlessly at her big brother, her expression desperate on her face.  He gave her a look of reproach, turned away and left, pulling the door closed behind him.

Applejack stared angrily at the closed door. She sighed. “Rarity, you know you are gorgeous, you’re the prettiest one of the mane 6 for corn sakes!”

“But you don’t think so!  You were terrified you might have to have sex with me!” She bawled, turning her head away.

“I was just saying that for Mac’s sake. Actually, I’d love to have sex with you!  I-I  think about it all the time!”   Applejack looked up at the ceiling, bit down hard on her lip and grimaced.  Then she looked back down at the back of Rarity’s head and tried to grin. “Come on - I got my outfit on.  What do you say?”  

“Are you crazy??  The two of us have sex?  That’s insane!” Rarity suddenly exclaimed.

Applejack just stood.  She was utterly dumbfounded. “Wait - I told you I don’t wanna have sex with you and you cry. Then I tell you I do wanna have sex with you and you act like I’m crazy!  Which is it?!”

Rarity turned back to Applejack and rolled her eyes as though it were the easiest thing in the world to understand.

“I want you to want to have sex with me but to be repulsed by the idea of it.”

“Well then that’s exactly how I feel!!”

“No you donnn’t!!” Rarity wailed again,  “You’re just saying that!”

Applejack slapped her forehead with her hoof.  Then suddenly she smiled.

“Uh Rares?”

“Yes?” she sniffed.

“Sometimes, I mean only once in awhile, I, I…”  Applejack lowered her voice “...I do think of you like, you know, like that.  But I ain’t never gonna do anything like that. EVER!”

“Really?!!”  The unicorn brightened right up. Applejack smiled and nodded.

“Oh APPLEJACK!!”  Rarity threw her arms around her friend and hugged her. “I love you too!  And you know what?  I think about you too, you know, like that.  But I’ll never do anything of that sort!”

Applejack blushed. ”So, are we good now?”

“Yes, of course darling.” Rarity said with a sniff,  “I’m all better.”

"So all this 'Bitchitude’?.  Are we calling it off?”

“Well I did call the safe word, so I suppose it is, but then what are we to do?  If we get to Ponywood and don’t have the proper attitude, they’ll surely think we’re, well, not in their league!” Rarity’s voice became desperate as she considered the consequences. “They’ll make mincemeat of us!  We’ll be a laughing sto-ho-hock!”  Rarity started to cry again.

“Why don’t we have another meeting and talk about it?  See what we can do”

“Oh, I suppose.” Rarity sniffed again. “do you suppose we can at least get a drink first?”

“‘Course we can!  I’ll tell you what, first round’s on me.”

“It’s an open bar darling.  Very funny.”

“I thought so.”  Applejack said. “Let’s go.”  She leaned over and spontaneously surprised Rarity with a sweet, soft kiss on the lips.

Rarity froze.

Applejack leaned back from her,  “Uh, you okay sugarcube?”

“Mm-hmm” Rarity said, still staring forward, with the slightest nod of her head.

“Was I out of line?”

“Mmm-mhh” came the negative response.

“Was it nice?”

“MM_HMMM!!”

“Nicer than you wanted it to be?”

“m-hm.” came the tiny reply.

Applejack paused, and with a cute smile said,

“Want another one?  The second one comes with tongue…”

Rarity was unable to keep a straight face and burst out laughing.  Applejack, chuckling, took off the gown and pulled out the pin holding her hair up. It tumbled down around her shoulders and she shook her head to settle it. She was glad that Big Mac had the foresight to bring her hat with him and leave it for her.  Rarity just watched with a sad little smile as Applejack brushed her hair from her face and put on her hat. .

“Applejack?”

“Yeah?”  Applejack said, turning to look at her and smiling. 

“I-I just want you to know…” 

As Rarity started to speak,  Applejack’s mouth slowly opened in stunned surprise.  In all the time she’d known her, Applejack had never heard Rarity speak plainly, in her own natural voice, without her ‘proper’ accent. 

“...that if I were like that, you know…”

Applejack instantly felt the heat rise from her neck to her face. She looked down in embarrassment and pawed the floor softly.

“...that you would be the one.”   Rarity then went quietly to her and in a moment of profound intimacy, bowed her head and touched Applejack’s forehead with her own.

For a moment or two, neither of them moved.   Applejack looked up, her eyes full of tears. Before she could say anything, Rarity spoke. “You don’t have to say anything.  I see it in your eyes.  Maybe it was better left unsaid.”

“No sweetheart,”  Applejack said, leaning forward and kissing the soft white cheek.  “It was sweet, and it was very brave  Just like you.  And, uh  you should know that I love you too.”

“Just not like that...”  Rarity said quietly, bowing her head again.

Applejack said nothing for a moment. “That’s not true either,  it’s just… I don’t know.  I reckon, after all we’ve been through together, I’ve had feelings for each and every one.  I can’t say they’re all romantic, but after somepony saves your life a few times, it’s kinda hard to feel the same way about them.”

Rarity looked up, puzzled. She looked at Applejack closely, looked deep into her eyes as though searching out the answer to some riddle. Slowly a look of realization came over Rarity’s face as she thought over the past years together.  It was followed gradually by a sad little smile.  She let her gaze drop and when she finally spoke, it was barely a whisper and said more to herself than to Applejack. “Of course. How could I have been so blind?”  Now it was Applejack’s turn to be puzzled. Rarity just smiled at her.  Applejack could see the old Rarity was back.

“What?” asked the earth pony

“Nothing darling, only the sweet mystery of life.”

“The sweet what of what now?”

“Come, let’s go have that drink, and tell the girls about the change in plans”

“But what sweet mystery did you see?”  

“You’ll find out one day.”

“When?”

“When you hear it from the only pony who will make you believe it.”

“And who might that be?”

“You.”
> Helter Skelter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Soundstage 3, where they filmed the interior shots of “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: was immense, a huge rectangular room.  When viewed from above, at the bottom center of the long side of that rectangle were two enormous doors called “elephant doors”.  Every professional soundstage has them.  They’re used for bringing the camera’s, large set pieces, etc onto and out of the sound stage. 

The Ponyville set - a  reproduction of the entire village of Ponyville, took up the left third of the stage.  The village buildings were all just facades. Directly across from the doors, toward the back middle part of the soundstage were the interior sets. The Carousel Boutique, and Rainbow Dash’s condo room/bedroom were side by side.  Next the Golden Oak library’s main room, and reading room, adjoined each other. 

Then there were the two layer structures - the library’s upstairs living room and bed loft and the Sweet Apple Acres first and second floors. Those two sets stood back to back.  Although the two structures were far apart in the real town of Ponyville, on the set, Twilight and Applejack’s rooms shared a common wall.  Finally the interior of Fluttershy’s cottage and Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie’s room was back to back with Fluttershy’s room.  The remaining sets on the soundstage were built and struck as needed.  Celestia and Luna as well as the royal council had granted the producers of the show access to the Canterlot castle for all on-location shooting. 

Upon entering the soundstage, to your right you would see the combination dressing rooms and bungalows for The Mane Six. The bungalows themselves sat just outside the soundstage, but each had a door that opened onto the soundstage  so the actors could relax in their own places while they weren't filming a scene. 

The first door had a single apple painted on it. It led to the largest of the bungalows - Apple Bungalow.  Applejack, Big Mac, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith lived there, each in their own bedroom plus there was a guest room.  There was a large kitchenette, a large living suite with a fireplace, a half bath and a full bath. 

The next door had a large carved 6 pointed star mounted on the door. Through that door was the Sparkle Bungalow.  Twilight and Spike lived there.  It was much like the Apple bungalow, but additional rooms had been converted into a library, a laboratory, a soundproofed reading room, and room with a very large sensory deprivation tank. Twilight’s bedroom was large and had a king sized bed, a desk and three bookcases.  Spike’s room was built like a cave.  It was kept very warm and had drawers built into the walls for his toys and comic books. He also had a very large signed poster of Rarity with the words “To my future beau, Spiky Wiky!  With love, Rarity.”

On the next door was painted a single butterfly.  This bungalow was smaller than the others, only requiring room for Fluttershy, Angel and a few other pets. She did have a guest room.

Next was Rainbow Dash’s.  The image on the door was a single line silhouette of Dash. The bungalow had an enormous bedroom with a huge circular bed. The main area had a sunken living room, a full bar, a guest room,, a jacuzzi, and full kitchen with a professional pizza oven and an enormous terrarium for Tank with a door flap, . There was also an exercise room and  guest room.

Next was a pink door with a doorbell and 3 balloons taped to the outside. The inside was much like Fluttershy’s except it was pink and had a huge tank for Gummy.  Her party laboratory was on the other side of the stage.

Lastly near the corner was Rarity’s dressing room. It had a little awning over the doorway, two small potted plants on either side ot the red carpet that led up to the door and little velvet ropes on brass stands.  Oh, and a small porch light. There was no cutie mark of a diamond or any other sign that it belonged to Rarity and her family.  Just she and Sweetie Belle lived there, but there were guest rooms for 4 others.  Her parents lived in the studio bungalows out on the main studio property where the rest of the cast lived. Celestia and Luna had their own large house with a pool and yard where they stayed when filming. 

This is where everypony lived while the series was being shot.  The rest of the time they lived as portrayed in the series.- Ponyville, Cloudsdale, Canterlot and Sweet Apple Acres 



______________________



Rarity and Applejack stepped out of Rarity’s dressing room and walked under the arched white trellis into the area.that had been set up for the wrap party.



Lyra and Bon-Bon shared a table with Octavia and Vinyl and were enjoying light summer cocktails and laughing hysterically.  Ponies had begun to show up.  Champagne and Hors d'oeuvres were served..

 Donut Joe sat  at the bar, sipping a Bourbon and water. He looked at Applejack and raised an eyebrow.  She knew he was dying to know if Rarity had relented from her crazy scheme.   She smiled, nodded and winked.  He smiled and looked up to the sky, saying a silent prayer of thanks to Celestia. 

The two mares walked up to the bar and stood beside him. “Hey, how’s my favorite dress designer?” he said to Rarity as she and Applejack approached.

“Well, a bit more like myself, darling.” Rarity said unhappily, I’m afraid I have to call off our plan.”.

“Awe, dat’s a shame Rares, but maybe it’s for the best.”

“I suppose.  Do you mind if we not talk about it right now?”

“Sure.  I’ll just stop pretending to hit on you, right?”

“Yes, dear, you can stop.”  She looked at him as he smiled and then realized why.  “Ohhhh, that’s right, no dear, you’re free to go back to… which one is he again?”

“Flam”

“Oh, of course Flam, the cute one.”

“T’anks.  I’ve always thought so.” Joe said with a wink.  “He wanted to know how you were coming along w’dat that little chiffon number you was makin for him..”

“Oh goodness!, Joseph, please send him my sincerest apologies, with all that’s been going on I simply haven’t had the time to devote to it  Tell him I promise to  have it ready before we leave for the coast.”

“Sure, sure, no problem.” Joe turned to Jeff Latrotsky who was tending bar. “Hey Dude, chuck this will ya? Gimme my regular”

“Hey, no problem man.  How about you Rares, you want a Cosmo too?”

“Why thank you Jeffrey, that would be lovely”

“It’s The Dude Rarity, or Duderino,or just Dude.” 

Jeff was a jack of all trades.  He had his own catering truck, was a freelance bartender, a clothing designer and tailor, not to mention an excellent bowler.  His long blonde mane usually needed a combing but his mustache and goatee were always trimmed perfectly.  He turned toward Applejack. She was staring off into the distance absentmindedly. 

“What about you AJ?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, yeah, Reckon I’ll have, uh, whadda have in them there barrels?”

“We have Heavy Horses Stout, and a nice wheat brew. We’re still waiting for the other barrels.”

“Reckon I’ll have a white wine.”

The entire soundstage went silent. Jeff’s jaw dropped and everypony within earshot froze and looked at her.  Somewhere a cricket chirped.

Applejack laughed and hit Jeff on the arm. “Just kiddin Dude!  Give me a hard cider-beer half and half.”

Things started up as quickly as they’d stopped. Most of the ponies laughed and shook their heads. 

Jeff smiled. “Wow, you like really had me goin’ there for a second, AJ. So like did you want the stout with the cider?”

“eYup”

“I gotta tell you AJ,  I’m having a really hard time keepin’ score of like who the heck was supposed to be what.  Had to ask Rarity for a score card…”

Applejack smiled “Did she get you one?”

“Yeah, I think so.  To tell you the truth, I can’t say I remember exactly,” Jeff said, picking up his White Russian to take a sip. A folded piece of paper was stuck to the bottom.  He peeled it off, put his drink back down on the bar and unfolded the paper..  “Son of a bitch!  Whadda ya know - it’s like right here. Hmmm… “ he scanned the sheet. “Woah!  Wha?  You’re like supposed to be a new philharmonic bicycle?”

“WHAT?!  No, I’m a nymphomaniac bisexual!”

“Oh, yeah, so you are.. It’s all smudged here…”

“Well I ain’t anymore. I’m back to bein just plain old Applejack!  No more of that crazy Ponywood nonsense!”  She said, raising her glass of cider.  Jeff raised his White Russian and they toasted. 

“So... how was it?” he asked, wiping the milk from his muzzle.

“How was what?”

“Being a bisexual.  Did you, like you know, see any action?”

“Are you kidding?  No I did not and I didn’t want to, but I sure had to act like it. All that talk about needing it, and wanting it…” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Well Twilight has really been getting into it dudette. She’s been hard at work on her “Ponywood” Twilight all day long. You know my bowling buddy Halter, right?

“With the sunglasses and the weird mane?”

“That’d be him.  Anyway so she sat down with him, you know?  And like he took her pretty much through most of his vocabulary.  I’d say she  learned a whole new language of four letter words.  At first I’m not so sure she was ok with it,, but you know her - once she gets started, she was like ‘fuck this’ and ‘screw that’  She just goes and goes and goes.  I overheard her practicing.  She’s really looking forward to it.  Dunno how she’s gonna take it when she hears the deal is off…” 

A almost empty frosted martini glass floated in the air next to Rarity, suspended in her levitation.  It contained a pink liquid and the only mark on the rim was a single imprint of Rarity’s lips in her trademark “Blue Diamond” lip gloss.  She was speaking with several stage hoofs, telling them they no longer had to follow the protocol that she’d outlined.  Everypony could go back to being themselves, she had uttered the safe word, “Tom.”  When asked why the premature cancellation she explained that there were some potential repercussions that she hadn’t considered. They reacted with mixed opinions, all voicing them at once. some disappointed, though most were happy.  

One who wasn’t too happy was Lens Flare, head camera pony.  He was young,  kind of lanky and a little gawky. He was gray blue with an ivory colored mane. Now he walked away with his head low, talking to one of the stage hands..  “Awww, I really loved listening to Applejack talk all sexy.  She is the cutest, hottest, most beautiful pony that ever lived and that was like a dream come...”  He had almost walked right into her.

Lens Flare was one of Applejack’s favorite members of the crew.  He always saw to it that Granny Smith was taken care of,  that she had her tea and it was just the way she liked it - with a splash of Apple Brandy.  He always made sure that all the snacks on the set for the colts and fillies were healthy.  He even kept little games around the set for them to play quietly while they waited for the crew to set up the shots.

 He looked up at AJ and blanched.  There was no way she could have missed what he’d been saying.  He swallowed and smiled weakly.   Applejack smiled sweetly at him  Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear. As she did his eyes began to bulge out and his mouth fell open. As she continued whispering his face turned bright red.  She gave him a little peck on the cheek and a very sexy smile.

“How was that, Lens?  Now you gotta promise never to tell anypony ever.”

“Oh Applejack,I promise, That’s just between us. You would really have said all that to the papers in Ponyville about you and me?”

“And the other 4, I sure was. Now it’s just between us, right?”

”Sure is -  I Pinky Promise. What you just told me, wow!”  He gushed.  Applejack turned bright red. “That I was the go-to guy when you all needed some real sweet lovin’?” 

“eYup - you were the sweet little colt with the great big bolt!”

“Aw gee.”

“Expect the other girls to tease you about it.”

“With pleasure!”

 He suddenly looked at the clock.  “Oh, wow, will you look at the time, l, uh, I gotta go.”

“You gonna come back?” she asked.

“Oh, of course.” he said, blushing brightly.

“Good, we can-”

Suddenly the air was filled with the sound of tiny heralding trumpets, issuing from the two tiny speakers mounted above Twilight’s doorway..  The recently installed lights that encircled the doorway to Twilight Sparkles dressing room lit up and began to cycle around, creating a marquee effect. 

Lens tuned to Applejack. “You gonna tell her AJ?  You know before she does something embarr-”

“Naw, you heard what the Dude said.  She’s been workin hard on her cussin.  It’s be a shame to waste all her effort.  Besides,” she gave him a nudge to the ribs, “ this ought to be good!”

As part of Rarity’s plan, Twilight had requested that a small podium be built just outside her dressing room as a place for her to stand when speaking to her “subjects.”   It was about 2 feet high, enough for a couple of steps to mount it and just enough room for a pony, about the size of Twilight, to stand.   It was complete with a railing, but had yet to be painted.   

After several moments, the dressing room door flew open dramatically and Spike, looking very put-out at having to wear a little suit, walked out, cleared his throat and with a frown and a roll of his eyes announced, “Fillies and Gentlecolts, may I present the star of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic, her Royal Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle!!”

Twilight stepped through the doorway wearing a red velvet robe with a white ermine collar,  She had her crown on, carried her scepter and was wearing sunglasses.  The scepter was topped with a miniature bust of the princess, but in gold.  With regal bearing, she strode to her podium, mounted the steps and survey’d  the sound stage.

She cleared her throat, tilted her head, and yelled. 

“Whasssssup BITCH-Ehhhhhhhhhhhhzzzz?” 

A passing stage hand looked up at her “Hey Twilight, Rarity said ‘Tom.  It’s over.’”

Spike dropped to one knee and did a fist pump. “Yes!”  

Twilight's jaw dropped,  Then her shoulders drooped, as though all the air had gone out of her. She turned around and skulked down the steps.  Spike, removing the suit as fast as he could, stepped back as she walked past, her face in a grimace.  She yanked open the door to her dressing room, went in, and slammed it shut as hard as she could. Nopony moved.  Suddenly Twilight’s muffled voice could be heard through the dressing room door.

“AwwwwwwWWWWWW  SHIT!!”.

A moment later her golden scepter came crashing through her dressing room window.

 “Son of a...!”  

 Then there was another crash followed by the sound of fabric tearing.

Applejack squinted in thought.  “Mmmm, that’d be the robe...”

Suddenly the door to Twilight’s dressing room flew open.  Twilight’s tail and backside were facing out and the robe had been balled up.  It was enveloped in a levitation spell right behind her. Her rear kick sent  it flying..  All the ponies stood and watched as it sailed through the air across the huge sound stage to land somewhere beyond a fake tree. She slammed the door hard. 

Still, nopony moved. Then another crash. Her voice could be heard quite clearly to those near the bar.

 “I worked SO hard at this!!  I was really getting good at it. ONCE!!  Just ONCE I want to pretend I was a spoiled curt!  Was that too much to ask? 

Jeff turned to Applejack. “Curt?” 

Applejack looked at Jeff. “It’s a new word I invented.  It means cunt.”

Jeff cocked his head confusedly.

“It’s a long story”

“Ahhhh” Jeff replied.

“Oh, and tell Halter he did a hay of job.”  Applejack called out over her shoulder as she trotted over to Twilight’s dressing room door.

She knocked lightly. “Honey?  Rarity called a ‘Tom.’  You don’t hafta curse anymore.”

“Hafta curse? HAFTA CURSE?!!”   She yanked open the door to her dressing room.. She turned and glared at Rarity.  Spike had hidden behind Applejack. 

She looked at Applejack and her anger turned to a petulant pout. “ I didn’t get to curse at all!

“But dear, that’s not true!  I heard you say damnit this morning,” corrected Rarity, who stood next to Applejack. Twilight turned to the fashionista and unleashed her frustration.  She decided to use her new words..

 “DAMN IT? DAMN IT??  Damn it isn’t a curse!  Damn it’s what you say if a Breezie bumps into you!”  

She pantomimed first being bumped into by one of the little fairies followed by being greatly  annoyed. “Damn it, what was that?” she intoned  “Oh it was a Breezy...’”  

She looked up and spied her language tutor trying to hide himself behind one of the potted palms in the bar area.,

“Isn’t that right Halter?!”  she yelled out.

The large crew-cut stallion froze and turned in her direction with a nervous grin.  All eyes turned in his direction. 

“Uh, yeah, you got it Twilight.” his gravelly voice called back weakly.

“Damn right I do!” she said proudly.  “Cursing?  You wanna know what cursing is?  

She re-enacted the pantomime.  “Cursing  is “OW!!  What the FUCK was THAT?  Oh, it was one of those fucking little Breezy bastards looking for a handout, not to mention free fucking room and board!!  Little shits!  Now get the FUCK back to breezy town or what ever little shit hole you crawled out of and stop bumping into fucking PONIES!!” she screamed frantically. .  

The ensuing silence was palpable.  Another cricket chirped  She looked around the set.  Every eye was on her.  Her chin started to tremble and her eyes filled with tears.  

Suddenly Applejack started clapping and within moments the entire soundstage was applauding uproariously, whistling and calling her name with shouts of “encore!”.  Twilight wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof and took several deep bows. 

Twilight looked at Applejack with a teary smile and the blonde earth pony winked at her as she continued to applaud. 

Fluttershy came trotting up looking worried.  “Oh goodness, are you okay Twilight? What’s the matter? I hope you don’t mind my being late, but I decided that it was more important to be a good friend,, so I-I” she looked around, obviously very worried, and barely whispered  “I found this pony, and I -  “ she reached into her saddle bag and took out a brown paper bag.  “I  brought some…”  her voice became barely audible “...drugs” 

“You WHAT?!!” screamed Rarity. 

Fluttershy dropped the bag and ran around to hide behind Applejack.  She huddled back there trembling.

“Oh sweet Celestia! Whatever have you done?!”  Rarity exclaimed “We could all be arrested!  We could end up in jail!” She turned in a panic  “What will happen to my shop?  What about Sweetie Belle? Oh and Applejack - the farm!!!  And-and-and…”

“Rarity?” Applejack asked, her face deadpanned. 

“Oh no, this was all supposed to be pretend!  I can’t believe you would do such a thing!  You went out to that seedy part of Ponyville, didn’t you?  Looking for some vile creature who preys on innocent little ponies.  Oh sure, he’s handsome and mysterious and of course at first what he’s got is free, at first oh yes, at first, but then, then you’re hooked!”  Rarity’s eyes glazed over. “You’re addicted to imported dark chocolate and you’ll pay anything... DO anything just to get more- ”

“Rarity?” Applejack said flatly.

“WHAT?!” The white fashionista answered drastically, snapping out of her reverie. .

Applejack held up a glass bottle in front of the face of the white unicorn, “She bought aspirin.”

From behind Applejack came a tiny voice, shaking with fear. “I hope they don’t put us in jail for too long” Fluttershy said worriedly, “who will take care of the animals?.

Twilight, who’d been watching this suddenly burst into laughter.  Her laughter built until she staggered, fell and  was rolling on her back, clutching her tummy in hysterics. 

“Is-isn’t that a drug?” the little yellow pegasus asked,  “I ordered it from the drugstore.  I met the delivery colt on my way over here.  I thought that was what you wanted.  I know I’m supposed to be addicted, so I took one.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, sweetie of course not. in fact I’ll think I’ll join you, if you don’t mind.” Rarity said, the pink color returning to her face.

“No, I don’t mind. Just a minute, I’ll get you one.”

“Better make it two dear, I’m a heavy user.”

“Okay.”  Fluttershy took the aspirin bottle and began to twist the top, trying to open it. “I don’t understand.  The delivery colt didn’t have any problem opening it for me…  Could you help me Twilight?”

“Just a minute drug boss, I gotta see if I can fix this scepter.” Twilight said as she tried to get her miniature gold head back on top and make it stay.

Suddenly another frosty martini glass appeared at Rarity’s elbow, clutched in a purple claw.

“Oh Spikey-Wikey, aren’t you just the sweetest!  You know just how to get to a pony’s heart!”

“My pleasure Rarity.  Anything for the pony that stopped all this nonsense.”

“STOPPED it?” AJ exclaimed, “She started it!I  It was all her idea!  We woudn’a had to stop it if’n she hadn’t started it in the first place!”

“Yeah, but what really matters is who stopped it, and that was *sigh* Rarity…” Spike said dreamily.

“Yes, thank you Spikey-Wikey.”  Rarity sipped her drink and turned to the farm pony. “Don’t you think you’re being a tad over dramatic Applejack?  I mean what’s the big fuss?  After all, no harm, no foul…”

Suddenly, from out of nowhere Pinkie Pie came flying out and tackled Applejack, driving her to the ground.  Applejack lay there on her back with Pinkie on top of her, pinning her down.

“I don’t care who you’re sleeping with you whore! I love you!  Do you understand me?  I love you!!” Pinkie declared, and did her best to kiss Applejack on the lips.  Applejack tried to squirm away, but Pinkie had the leverage and wouldn’t let up.  Rarity put her hooves over Spike's eyes.  Pinkie had put on lipstick.  About a half a tube of it.  Now most of it was smeared over Applejack’s mouth, lips, teeth, muzzle, and face as she turned her head one way and then another, deftly avoiding Pinkie’s lips. Pinkie began to grind her hips against Applejack.  At that Applejack’s eyes flew open and she bucked back hard, sending Pinkie flying.  The laughing pink pony sailed through the air and landed first on Fluttershy just as the yellow pegasus pulled the cap off the aspirin bottle. The little white tablets went flying out of the bottle as it flipped through the air.  Pinkie kept rolling and laughing.



Pinkie laughed hysterically “Don’t you mean Oh shit?”

“Uh, Pinkie?  Rarity said Tom.” Spike informed her.

Applejack rolled to her side and scowled menacingly at Rarity.  Rarity looked back at her friend with an apologetic grin.  Applejack’s blonde mane was a tangled mess and her face was covered in smeared lipstick, they both looked over at Twilight who sat there trying to force what was left of her head’s miniature golden likeness on top of her scepter while muttering the foulest words any of them had ever heard.. Pinkie, her face also smeared in bright red lipstick  lay there in hysterics.  Fluttershy, just sat on the floor, covered in and surrounded dozens of little white pills, crying and saying “my drugs, my drugs, I've lost all my drugs…”

Applejack, still looking at Rarity raised an eyebrow. “No harm no foul, eh?”
	

> What You're Doing
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why should it be so much
to ask of you
what you’re doing
to me?”		
-Lennon-McCartney



Twilight was slowly swinging on the glider sofa that on the small porch in back of her bungalow.  

"Let me have a look at that sugarcube,” Applejack offered as she sat down next to Twilight, “I’m pretty good at fixing things.”

“Thanks AJ,” Twilight said, sighing as she levitated the scepter into Applejack’s hooves.

The back half of all the bungalow's stuck out about 20 feet from the exterior wall of the soundstage that marked the edge of the studio property. Lush grass spread out in all directions, and the view was of the distant mountains. 

The earth pony took a close look at the two parts, examining how they fit together.  “Where'd everypony go?” Asked Twilight.

“Rarity went to put on a new outfit. Not sure where Fluttershy went.  Spike is heading to Dash’s to see if she is coming and I think Pinkie is over at the wrap party helping re-fill the chocolate fondue fountain.  I think Starlight and Maud are coming.  Dang!  How does this fit...oh I see.”  Applejack got it to fit, but then it slipped.  “Shi..” 

“Shit?” Twilight offered.

Applejack turned at looked at her then burst out in laughter “thank you kindly Princess Twilight.”  Twilight smiled broadly and gave her a brief nod. 

“So anyway,” Applejack continued, still chuckling as she gingerly tried to line them up again, “Do you reckon you’ll be waving this around much or will you just be keeping it in a crystal case over the mantle..?”  she shot a sideways glance at her friend and raised her eyebrow.

Twilight recognized the teasing but scowled at her just the same, squinting her eyes and pursing her lips.  Applejack looked back at her and did the same. Both of them were younger siblings with older brothers so extended staring contests were nothing new. Applejack, however, felt she was at a disadvantage. Twilight's scowl was incredibly cute.  Though she held out an impressively long time, in the end Applejack couldn't help but smile. 

"You win Twi. You sure are a tough one." Applejack held a hoof up for a bump.  Twilight's return bump was less than enthusiastic as was her victory smile. 

“Are you okay sweetie?” AJ asked softly. 

Twilight, looked away.  Her friend scooched over on the couch and put her arm around the princess, pulling her close. Twilight rested her head on AJ’s shoulder, her ears folded down. Applejack looked into her eyes, the pain there stung the earth pony’s, heart.

“Aw, come on now little princess, tell your honey girl what's wrong."  

Twilight hated when her friends called her that, but between her and Applejack it had become a sort of private code. Twilight’s name for Applejack was Honeygirl when AJ was the one in need of some caring.

Twilight, her eyes full of tears could barely speak, “Oh AJ, I’m so stupid!”

“Hey there,” Applejack hugged her closer.  “I know that, it's why I'm here, somepony's gotta keep you outta trouble."  

When Twilight didn't respond, Applejack leaned forward to look at her. "You wanna lie down?"

Twilight nodded.

Applejack shifted and Twilight turned and lay down on her back, resting her head in Applejack's lap.  She turned her face away and focused on the mountains in the distance.  

“C’mon, Twi, it weren’t that bad.”

Twilight’s voice was high and pinched as she fought to answer through her tears. “Yes, it were. I made all of you look terrible, I shamed the five of you and the Princesses and I made such a fool of myself.”  

Applejack's way was different than her friend's.  The earth pony did her best to hide her feelings away. Twilight worried about what others thought of her.  It wasn't that she was worried what they'd think of Twilight Sparkle, although she was very self-conscious, it was how she represented her office as the Princess of Friendship.  She'd gone along with Rarity's idea only as an act of friendship. To some ponies, this really wasn't that big a deal, but to Twilight it was.  She felt she couldn't afford to look like a fool and she couldn't take the humiliation.  Applejack knew she was a very gentle soul but had a heart of a lion. 

Twilight sniffed and turned her head toward Applejack. She was clearly struggling to keep her composure.  Applejack shifted in her seat.

"Am I hurting you?  Do you want me to move?" Twilight asked sincerely. 

“Nope. I'm right here little princess, where I'll always be until till I die or you tell me to go.”

Twilight looked at her angrily,  accusingly, "That's not funny Applejack!"  Twilight's anger quickly turned to pain and her chin began to wrinkle. She reached down and grabbed a small pillow from the couch and pressed it to her face and in a moment she was sobbing wretchedly. 

Applejack had been angry with herself before, but she had never hated herself more than she did at this moment.  

There had been an afternoon years ago, it was just after Twilight had transformed into an Alicorn. The hours of excitement and celebration had passed and the Mane 6 had been walking through Ponyville together, laughing and joking.  Clouds had begun to move in and most of the ponies who were out started to head for home before the storm began.  As they passed the 6 friends, many of them called out congratulations to Twilight and that they were looking forward to the coronation.   Scootaloo suddenly shot by on her skateboard and Rainbow Dash joked about buying a crash helmet for Twilight, now that she could fly.  As they were all laughing, Scootaloo stopped and turned to them.  "Twilight doesn't need a helmet Rainbow Dash, she's an alicorn, she's gonna live forever now!"  While most of the ponies laughed and nodded in acknowledgment, Applejack closed her eyes in dread, then she looked at Twilight, watching and waiting. Twilight smiled and blushed, then suddenly her smile faded and a look of utter horror came over her.  As the other's laughed, listening to Dash riff on Twilight's trouble with flying, Twilight's eyes, in a terrified panic, immediately sought out Applejack.  The look on the earth pony's face confirmed that she knew exactly what Twilight had just realized.  While Twilight would live forever, her friends would not.  Their eyes locked and the anguish that Applejack saw in her friend's face that moment would never be equaled. Applejack felt as though somepony had torn her heart from her.  Twilight put her head down, turned and ran as fast as she could from them.  Without a word, Applejack took off after her.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Pinkie "Maybe too much excitement."

Dash's expression was clear, as was that of Fluttershy and Rarity. They had all suddenly realized the same thing. Dash landed slowly, the tears already spilling from her eyes. Rarity was holding Fluttershy who was weeping.  Then it hit Pinkie.  Her hair slowly softened and was soon no longer curly, but hung straight, draping over her shoulders. None of them said a word. 

"Sh-shouldn't we go after them?" asked Pinkie softly.

Rarity looked at her with a sad smile. "I'm afraid this time only Applejack can help her."

The four of them embraced and for the first and last time, the wept for this, the worst pain, their dearest friend could know. 

Thunder rumbled in the distance and the sky grew darker. 

When Applejack finally caught up with her, Twilight was sitting by the gate of Sweet Apple Acres, She had stopped crying but her eyes were very bloodshot and puffy and her ears were pressed hard down against her head.  Her breathing was shaky and the occasional sob would break through. She sat with her back to Applejack.  The farm pony walked up behind her and sat, land watched her mane as the wind played lightly with it. 

"I'm so sorry Twilight."

"H-h-how long ago did you figure it out?"  Twilight asked, not turning around. 

"Uh, well..."

"HOW LONG?!!" the question burst from her, shattering the silence. Several dozen birds suddenly took flight, startled by Twilight's cry.  A clap of thunder echoed off the distant mountains.  The sound of large single raindrops began to spat against the soft earth. 

Applejack hung her head, replying softly  "Before you landed."

"Well this idiot princess just figured it out, and I'm the one that's supposed to be so damn smart!"

"Did you wanna take a walk in the orchard?"

"No."

"Oh, I thought that's why you..."

Twilight was shaking her head, unable to speak.

"You came here because it's where we first met."

Twilight nodded.

That was all Applejack could stand.  Her heart almost breaking for her friend's pain, she finally broke down. The sky opened up and the rain became almost deafening. 

Applejack walked around and face Twilight.  The young princess looked up and into her eyes.  Applejack took off her hat and put it on Twilight, who's mane was plastered to her face and cheeks.   The princess slowly shook her head side to side and began repeating the word "No."  A bolt of lightning shot across the sky, thunder boomed across the valley, but Twilight couldn't stop sobbing and repeating"no" over and over.  Twilight looked into Applejack's eyes. pulled her close and screamed "NO!!" as she sobbed uncontrollably and held her tight.. 

Somehow they made it inside the barn. There they held each other and cried.  Applejack tried to calm her but it was no use, so the farm pony spread a thick layer of straw on the floor, spread out a heavy wool blanket, helped Twilight lay down on it, then climbed in next to her and pulled another thick blanket over the two of them. Twilight was on her side and Applejack came up behind her and pulled her close.  Twilight grabbed her hooves and pulled them tight around her. The storm continued to rage throughout the night and Applejack quietly told Twilight that it would all be okay, over and over until both were asleep.

In the morning they were awoken by the bright sun and the smell of apple/blueberry pancakes. Big Mac suddenly came around the corner and into the barn with a huge checkered blanket and spread it out on the floor.  He was followed by Granny Smith with a push cart full of covered plates and Apple Bloom who carried a large jug of syrup.  Next was Rainbow Dash carrying a huge jug of cider, Rarity had the coffee and Spike carried the milk, Fluttershy had a bowl of fruit salad and Pikie Pie had cookies and an enormous chocolate cake.  They all sat down as if it was an ordinary Saturday morning and joked and laughed and complained and gossiped and relaxed. Nobody talked about how much they loved each other, or asked how the two of them slept or if they were feeling better or alright, or if any of them could do anything to help. 

The subject had never been mentioned again by any of them. 

Until now. 

Applejack, not knowing what to do, pulled Twilight close to her and held her and rocked, apologizing over and over. After awhile, Twilight calmed down and Applejack leaned back and looked at her friends face.  Twilight's eyes were red and puffy and her muzzle was covered in mucus.  Strands of hair from her mane were stuck to her cheeks. She looked up at her friend and stared hard. Applejack didn't say a word.  

"Promise me one thing," Twilight's voice was in deadly earnest. "Promise me you will never leave me Jacquline Apple.  I'll do whatever I need to to make that happen but you must promise me this."

Applejack opened her mouth to protest but as she looked deeply into Twilight;s eyes it all fell away. "I promise you Twilight Sparkle," she said softly,  "with all my heart and all my soul," she continued, her voice choked with emotion it was barely a whisper,  "I will never leave you."

Twilight suddenly relaxed and smiled.  She sniffed a little then said simply. "Okay."

A towel materialized and Twilight cleaned off her face and mane. 

Applejack suddenly knew what to say.

"You will NEVER guess where I was before I came by here.  I mean before I went to the bar then came over here."

"Where?"

“I was at Rarity’s fixing to have sex with her.”

Twilight’s eyes became as big as saucers and her pupils became very small.  

“YOU WERE WHAT?!!!”

“Well, I heard some of the Crusaders saying things that they’re too young to know about.  I know it's from all this Ponywood nonsense and I guess I kinda lost it. I was way past angry so I got all made up by Powder Puff and put on the Applejewel getup. Then I grabbed that huge dildo Rares got us and marched over to her bungalow. I was sure as shootin gonna put an end to-”

“That WHAT?!!”

“Didn’t I show that thing to you?  Rarity brought one for us to leave around our apartments once we got to Ponywood.  We were supposed to look like we were crazy enough to share it in case any of our new Ponywood friends dropped by.  You should see your face Princess, your expression is priceless.  Anyway, I went over there to, well...” Applejack trailed off. 

“Have sex with her, you said,” Twilight reminded her. Her voice suggested she didn't find it all that funny.

“Well, yeah,”

Twilight looked at her for a few moments. 

“So?  What happened?”

“What do you think?  Nothing,” she answered with a little smirk, “At first she thought I was kidding, see-”

“Weren’t you?” 

“I don’t know. I mean, remember me?  Element of honesty? I knew it I weren’t mentally prepared to go through with it, she’d see through me in a second.  Course I knew she’d call my bluff.”

“But what if she hadn’t?”  Twilight asked, pulling away from Applejack.

Applejack felt a tiny flame of anger inside and her stomach tightened. She had just about had it with this stupid Ponywood stuff and now Twilight was getting on her about this?

“What are you talking about?  Of course, she would have!  You think Rarity would have sex with ME?  That’s a hoot!” 

Twilight paused, scowling. Her expression began to slowly soften, then she smiled, then smirked and finally she started laughing. 

"What?" Applejack asked, smiling, but sounding a little annoyed.

"Nothing, nothing.  You're right.  Of course Rarity wouldn't have sex with you.  How ridiculous!"

"Whadda ya mean ridiculous?"

"Well, you said it yourself.  There was no chance she would call your bluff, then she'd have to have sex."

"With me..."

"With you."

"And I reckon that could just never  happen.  Is that what you're sayin?"

"That's what you just said."

"Well that's a might different!  You don't think Rarity would ever have sex with me?  What, am I too ugly?  Too uncouth?  Too smelly? Too dirty?  Too sweaty?"

"No, of course not!  You aren't all that sweaty..." Twilight's smile could no longer hold back her laughter and she started cracking up.

"Why you little fucking bitch!" Applejack said, reaching down and tickling Twilight's ribs.

"Fuck you pony girl!" Twilight was barely able to say it, as she squirmed and laughed.

"Kiss my ass princess!"  Applejack kept tickling her.  Twilight squirmed and giggled, trying to fight Applejack off. 

"Enough, enough, I give, I give."  Twilight cried out, panting.   Applejack stopped, then looked down at Twilight with a smug expression on her face.  

Twiligt gave a little pout then said, "Yeah, like she'd ever even kiss  you."  Then she quickly covered up, expecting another onslaught. But none came. 

“Who’s to say she didn’t?”

Twilight's laughter slowed.  "What - she kissed you?"

“No."

"No, I didn't think so..." Twilight rolled her eyes.

"I kissed her."

"Oh did you?" Twilight asked, working hard to sound cute and flippant. 

"Oh yeah, I did.  She really seemed to like it too."

Twilight sat up and turned toward Applejack.  She looked at her friend, a small frown on her face.

"What about you?  Did you like it?"	

"Hmmm, let me try to remember..."  Applejack was enjoying this.

"Wait, so you kissed another mare - Rarity no less, and you don't remember it?  Just how many mares do you go around kissing?!"  An edge of anger had crept into Twilight's voice. 

"What do you care?" Applejack asked, suddenly feeling very nervous.

"Well, I, uh... Don't!  I don't give a damn!  Go kiss all the damn mares you want to!"

"REALLY?!!"  Applejack asked, sounding excited. Inside she was trembling madly, her stomach knotting tightly.

"Yes REALLY!"  The tone in Twilight's voice told AJ she may have gone too far.  Twilight sounded truly upset.  "You've made out with Rarity,, who is next on your list?  How about Fluttershy?  Maybe Rainbow Dash?"

"Can I kiss you?" Applejack tried to keep her voice from shaking.  Twilight did't notice. 

"Go ahead, go... wait, what?"

"You.  Can I kiss you?

Twilght tried to shrug.  It came off looking like a tiny seizure.  "I suppose," she said rolling her eyes. "I mean don't strain yourself or anything, and don't expect too much, I mean compared to Rarity." Twilight was trying to sound playful but she was suddenly a nervous wreck, not that Applejack noticed. Her body was shaking. 

"Let's f-find out princess."

"Y-yeah, let's" Twilght tried to sound snotty and it was pretty convincing. 

Appejack leaned forward, turned her head slightly and gently pressed her lips to Twilight's. The softness and sweetness were just what Applejack had expected and what she was so scared of. She rolled her eyes and hummed a little, as if she were judging the quality of the kiss, but every nerve ending in her body was suddenly overloaded. Everything came into sharp, crystal clear focus. This kiss was all there was. Nothing in her life compared to this feeling. Utterly lost, the young pony turned her head slightly to the right, feeling the gentle touch and wondering what Twilight was feeling. This would have to end soon and then what?  Applejack realized she didn’t care.  Twilight wasn’t pulling away and that’s all that mattered. Knowing she would have to be the one to break, she leaned back,  attempting a clever smile. She found she couldn’t speak.  After a moment her senses returned to her. 

"Uh, well, that wasn't bad."

Twilight was frozen to the spot, staring blankly at nothing.  Then she looked at Applejack and let her jaw drop slowly. Applejack looked at her, waiting, not having any idea what to say next.. 

After a moment, Twilight's mouth turned up into a smile then she laughed out loud and punched Applejack lightly on the shoulder, “You silly pony!  You call that a kiss?  Try this!!”  Twilight’s expression became an exaggerated goofy leer as she leaned forward and taking Applejack’s head between her hooves, pressed her lips firmly to the earth pony’s again in a mock display of what they called a “wowzer” kiss. Applejack, her eyes wide open, looked into Twilight’s staring, playful eyes. WIth a sucking SMACK, Twilight pulled away.  Now it was her turn to smirk.  

“How do you like THEM apples, farm girl?!”  Twilight asked just before she burst out laughing and gave her friend another playful shove. “Didn’t see that comin, did ya?  You are too funny AJ!!” Twilight, her cheeks flushed and eyes bright, laughed happily. 

“Uh, yeah... I reckon I am.” Applejack said, looking away. 

“And look at you now!  Acting like you’re all woozy from kissing me!  You crack me up!  Thanks for cheering me up Honey Girl, no one can do it like you.”

“Heh-heh, yeah Twilight,  Just trying to get you out of your funk.  Looks like it worked.”

“You’re the best best friend ever!” Twilight said, leaning over and hugging her.

“You too…” Answered the blonde pony softly.

“Know what? Why don’t we head over to the party?  I’m ready for a drink!”  Twilight said as she stood up and stretched. She walked a over and pulled the screen door open.  "You coming?" 

"Uh yeah, sure"

The two poines walked through Twilight's bungalow toward her front doof.  As they stepped out onto her front porch  Applejack stopped.

Actually, Twi, I'm gonna head over to my place for a second,  I gotta use the little filly’s room…”

“Don't be silly - go use mine.  I'll hang out and wait for you."

"No, you go on ahead," 

“You sure?"

"Yeah, go on now, I'll just be a second."

"Okay, if you're sure. See you there," Twilight said and then paused, "And don’t go kissing any strange ponies!  You’re MINE now...” Twilight paused, looked around and leaning toward Applejack whispered, “...bitch!”  Twilight said, laughing. 

Applejack smiled and nodded.  With a wink, Twilight turned and trotted off. 

Applejack watched her head toward the opening in the plastic picket fence that led to the party area. She watched her friend giggle as she stepped onto the fake grass and do a little dance as the stiff plastic blades tickled Twilight’s underhoof.  She watched Pinkie run up to her and give her a taste of a chocolate bar that had been dipped in the chocolate fountain and then sprinkled with chocolate sprinkles.  She saw the polite smile and the dainty nibble, then saw Twilight offer a bite to Pinkie who finished it in one bite.  She watched Twilight laugh. She watched Starlight Glimmer come up and give her a big hug, followed by Trixie. A part of her was terrified that Twilight was going to look over and catch her staring, yet another part wished she would. Another part wondered what would have happened if Rarity had called her bluff. She watched Donut Joe and Flam dancing together then saw Joe, who upon seeing Twilight, ran to her and give her a quick kiss. Applejack thought about the softness of Twilight’s lips. For a moment she thought she saw Twilight steal a glance in her direction. 

The blonde pony turned and went inside Twilight’s bungalow. 

As she entered the bathroom, she noticed on the floor in front of the toilet, was Twilight’s modesty suit. 

A modesty suit was also called a “sweatbox,” a term coined by Rainbow Dash due to the effect it had on a certain part of mare’s anatomy. The name stuck, despite the new, far breezier second-generation suits. Designed as a custom one-piece form-fitting bathing suit that came about halfway up the chest, it had a layer of the pony’s fur on the outside.  As every pony’s coat was brushed out each morning before shooting, the hair was collected.  It was cleaned and then unicorns bonded the fur to the sheer lycra like material.  The suit had a thin, long, neodymium magnet “zipper” sewn into opposite seams that ran down the front from the top, then down the front, then under and between the legs and up to the underside base of the tail.  When the two magnets were lined up it was impossible to tell where they joined.  The bond was exceedingly strong and only by passing a specially charged magnetic stone over it, could the suit could be “unzipped”  from either the top or bottom.  This allowed the wearer to use the bathroom without having to completely remove her suit each time. 

The purpose of the suit was to hide the pony’s genitals from the camera. When worn, it was completely indistinguishable from the pony’s actual coat.  It was effective 90% of the time.  Oddly if certain wavelengths of light beyond the visible spectrum were amplified,  the inside of the suit would catch the light and gloriously showcase everything the pony was trying to hide -in living color. 

The male pony’s anatomy kept his reproductive organs tucked up next to his abdomen when in its relaxed state. The surrounding coat there did an adequate job of concealment, though if you took a good look, you got a good look. Naturally taking a “good look” was considered both incredibly rude and more than a little odd.  

To urinate, a stallion or colt would simply to spread his rear legs to either side. This would tilt the musculature of his genitals downward so that as he went, he would avoid splashing anything on himself.  Their modesty suits were absolutely necessary while in front of the camera just out of propriety.

With the females and their anatomy, it wasn’t really necessary, until it was, then-then it really was.  The fur that covered their pubic mounds did more than an adequate job of hiding everything. Even the natural center part that occurred along the cleft could be hidden.

Unless they were actively involved in a scene, most background ponies, with the exceptions of the pegasi, were not required to wear them.  

Twilight had clearly pulled it down and kicked it off when she sat down to go. Under it was a piece of paper with a list of words typewritten on it. Applejack sat down, leaned forward and picked them up. It was a list of “Ponywood” words that Rarity had given to each of them.  There were a number of additional words written in by Halter.  Just like Twilight to study to the very last minute before her big entrance. 

As Applejack held Twilight's suit she noticed a pleasant but powerful scent of Twilight. She examined it, caressed the layer of Twilight’s coat. It was perfect and the hair was luxuriously smooth. Looking around the bathroom, she noticed all sorts of hair grooming products and coat shampoos and cleaners.  Twilight was forever trying new ones and reporting back to them all the results of her research. Her toothbrush rested neatly on its own little rack and a clear plastic cup sat next to it. Applejack looked over at the bathtub.  She found herself thinking about how good a bath would feel right now, especially how good a little “stress relief” would feel while soaking. She imagined Twilight in that tub relieving her own stress. The thought lingered.  She looked down and chuckled as she saw that she was still caressing Twilight’s modesty suit and wondered whether she should fold it and hang it up for her or if it needed washing. Out of habit she lifted it up and gave it a quick sniff and blinked hard. She looked down at it, discovering she'd sniffed a rather personal place. Another sniff confirmed that they absolutely needed washing. Applejack balled them up and tossed them into the hamper on the other side of the bathroom.  She missed, and after a few moment's stood, picked them up and dropped them into the empty hamper.

After washing her hooves, Applejack checked herself in the mirror. She took off her hat to look at her hair. 

Sure could use a brushin’ 

Applejack picked up one of Twilight’s many brushes and pulled it through her mane a few times. As she did she noticed the bottle on one of the shelves. It was VO6  - “For the shiniest, most manageable mane ever!”  Applejack had seen the new ad’s for it and Twilight said she loved it. Applejack gave a few quick sprits to her mane and drew the brush through it several times.

Woah!  Will you look at that? That really does look good!  

The earth pony trotted out to the hall and had a look in the big mirror there.  She was pleased with the results and trotted toward the door. As she reached for it, ithe door suddenly opened.  It was Twilight.

“Oh! Uh hi AJ,” said Twilight stepping into the room briskly, She looked up at her friend and stopped, looking into her eyes. Neither of them spoke for several seconds. Then suddenly Twilight blushed deeply and went on, “I, uh, gotta go too, I guess, heh-heh,” Twilight said, starting toward the bathroom. “You, uh. go on out to the party, everypony is looking for you,” she called back. “...and I told them you’d be right out.”  Twilight ducked quickly into the bathroom, then poked her head out and looked at Applejack as through studying her, then smiled, "And NO kissing!"  she said laughing, then took one last long look at her friend, ducked back in and closed the door. 

“Oh, uh, okay Twi, I’ll see you out there…” 

Applejack stepped outside onto the soundstage and pulled the door shut behind her.  The party had started in earnest and AJ could see most of the cast and crew were there.   As she walked toward the gate Diamond Tiara approached her with Pip.

“WOW Applejack!  Your hair - it looks amazing!  What did you do?”

“Thanks, Diamond, I used that V06 stuff.  Twilight had some in her bathroom.  You really think it looks good?”

“Absolutely.  It’s nice to see you without a hat on too!”

“Oh my gosh!  My hat!  I left it in Twi’s bathroom!”

“So what?  You look fabu without it,” said the young heiress, sipping a drink. 

“Thanks, Diamond, but I don’t want to forget it there. I’ll be back in two shakes of a tail.”

Applejack trotted back to Twilight’s bungalow.  She knocked lightly on the door but there was no answer.  She gave the knob a twist.  It turned but when she went to open it, she found the dead bolt had been engaged.  She walked over and peered in the window.

That’s weird.  I could-a sworn the drapes were open before… Well I’ll get it from her when she comes out.

Applejack turned and headed back to the party. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dash’s bungalow door was painted cyan with a single outline of her profile and mine in black. Spike stood there contemplating it. He’d stopped by to check on Rarity who had asked him to find out Dash would be showing up to the wrap party. 

His contemplation was initiated by a conundrum- her door wasn’t quite closed.  Why was that?  What should he do about it? Should he knock or just walk in?  If he snuck in he could pull that prank on her.  He owed her one and he’d been planning it carefully.  But still, it was really impolite to just walk into somepony’s bungalow like that. He decided to knock...just not too loud.

No answer.  He gave the door a little push, peering around it into her living room.  Empty.  He listened, but there was no sound. He stepped into the room. 

“Rainbow Dash?” he asked meekly. Then he noticed the trail on the floor.  It led from the front door and chronicled her journey as she undressed on her way to the shower.  The first item was her water bottle which lay empty the light beige carpet. Used to clean up after Twilight, he picked it up without thinking.  A little further on was her sweat band.  Using his tail to hook it he flicked the band into the air and caught it in his claw.  Next, he found her towel.  As he clenched it with his toes, he could feel the dampness.  He glanced around as he brought the towel up and grabbed it with his other claw. Finally, outside the bathroom was her crumpled modesty suit.  	 

Spike stood, looking at it in disgust.  These suits were not only expensive but required great care to keep the fur from falling out.  Dash had clearly just stripped them off and stepped out of them on her way to the shower. He bent over and picked them up, carefully laying them atop the growing pile in his arms. They were damp and their scent was strong.  He’d picked up Twilight’s enough times but they were never as damp as these.  He grimaced in anticipation, but after a moment he noticed something.  While Twilight’s suit stank after a day under the lights, (there was no denying it).  Dash’s didn’t.  Well they kind of did but the scent was robust and kind of spicy, almost exotic. If he had to pick a way to describe it, it would have been “funky, but in a healthy kind of way.”  

Warm moist air with a hint of her fragrance floated out of the bathroom.  Clearly, she’d finished her shower.  He listened carefully and thought he heard some noises coming from her exercise room.   Her clothes still bundled in his arms he walked down the hall then hesitated. He didn’t know what he’d see and since he hadn’t been invited in decided to play it safe. Carefully he peered around the corner.

Dash, her back to him, was hanging by her forehooves, grasping the trapeze bar the crew had surprised her with the previous year. They’d bolted the pulleys to the 10 foot ceiling and put in a system with a crank that let her raise and lower it to whatever height she wanted as well as rotate it to face any direction. Right now it was at a height where she could hang from it while her rear hooves dangled inches above the floor.  She’d turned it so that she faced the mirrored wall three feet in front of her. Her head was tossed back, her eyes were closed. Spike guessed she was in some kind of meditative state. 

In the mirror’s reflection, Spike could see the front of her body. Grinning diabolically he thought about trying to sneak across the floor and tickle the soft center of her underhoof. As he plotted he let his eyes trace down her back.  Even relaxed, her shoulder muscles and her pectoral muscles, were incredible. With her wings were extended in a stretch, as they were now, all the supporting musculature of tendons, ligaments, and muscles were engaged.  Her physique was astoundingly beautiful. She seemed so light and graceful when she flew, but Rainbow Dash was an incredibly powerful pony. To many, Dash seemed to have an out of control ego, but to really know her, was to understand that it was all a joke. All her bragging was tongue-in-cheek. If you took it seriously, then the joke was on you. All you had to do was work outward from her loyal heart and you’d get an idea who she really was.  And this physique did not happen on its own.  Rainbow Dash worked extremely hard to keep herself in shape, harder than most of her friends knew. 

Now, with a flawless grace, head back, she drew her wings in.  The motion was slow and perfect, like a ballerina. The comical expression on Spike’s face slowly dissolved, as all thoughts of the prank evaporated. He just stood there in awe, holding her laundry. 

Eyes still closed she tipped her head forward.  She slowly let the bar slip from her grasp, lowering herself to the floor and placed her full weight on her back legs.  Spike watched as the muscles in her haunches and legs shifted taking the full load of her body’s weight.

Her eyes still closed, she leaned forward, placed her forehooves against the mirror and stepped back, stretching her legs wide, assuming a spread-eagle position. She lowered her head, letting it completely relax.  As she did, her rainbow mane, still damp from the shower, spilled forward,  Now, starting at her back hooves, she rolled forward, sending a very slow wave up her body, arching out her flank, then slowly thrusting it forward as the wave made its way up her body. undulating until it reached her forehooves.

Spike stood, frozen and slack-jawed, all kinds of bells and whistles were going off in his head. The scent from her clothes and the sight of her body, glistening like that made him dizzy and made his stomach and hips ache.  It was a feeling that had started happening more and more in the last year.  Rarity could set it off pretty much any time, but at some point or other all of the Mane 6 had.  Well 5 of them anyway.  It had never happened with Twilight and he was pretty sure it never would. He sure never wanted it to. 

It had started way back during the time when he had gone on the real dragon quest that the episode had been based on. The first night, after all the teenage dragons thought he had fallen asleep they began talking about female dragons.  They said this one was hot and that one was hot.  After awhile he began to realize that they weren’t talking about their fiery breath.  That had been his first exposure to how little dragons are made.  Ironically the first chance he got to speak to an older male dragon about what he’d heard, was when they’d filmed the episode about it. He tried to ask the actor who was playing Garble. 

The actor was very nice and tried to educate him without embarrassing either of them.  Spike kind of got the idea but still, there were several key points that eluded him.  Especially why any dragon would want to do something like that in the first place.  

Now he was beginning to find out.  This wasn’t like a crush, that was how he felt about Rarity, these feelings ran far deeper and were a whole lot different.  Even a little scary. Was she really the same pony that used to dragon sit him?  The same pony he and Pinkie used to pull all kinds of pranks with? Could this vision be the same Rainbow Dash?  Spike began to think he understood the kind of “hot” Garble had been talking about.  

He let his eyes trail down the front of Dash’s body, reflected in the mirror. His gaze went slowly past her chest, pausing for a moment on her stomach and the rows of muscles that ran horizontally across it.  He became aware that his heart was hammering in his chest, and felt his face burning. Her hips were just, so... smooth and tight.  His stomach felt as though it was vibrating, leaving him feeling both excited and lightheaded with the fear of what he was about to see and what would happen if she caught him. Then he felt that other things start to happen.  The last week with all the talk about sex in Ponywood had peaked more than his interest.

In the dim light, he could make out the soft mound down there between her legs. Every mare had one He squinted…it wasn’t a solid mound though.  He had a vague idea of what was there but only from what he’d heard Garble talking about...there!  Was that it?  He began to tremble uncontrollably. That other thing was out now and he couldn’t do anything about it.  He lowered the clothes to cover it. He looked closer at her. He saw something like an open cleft where her coat had been brushed out into a center part… 

...She raised her head slowly and turned to look at him.  Her expression told him she had no problem with his voyeurism. 

“So my little dragon,” she said, looking him up and down, her gaze suddenly pausing part way down, “you certainly growing up,” she purred, turning and slowly walking toward him.  He stood, smiling at her with a sophisticated grin, as she circled him, flicking her tail, lightly snapping his legs with it.  “If only you knew how long I’ve dreamt of this day,” she looked him over slowly, “So," she paused, "now you want to see what goes on under my suit?.  Do you want a little lesson in perfect pony anatomy?  Well, my little love, you’ve certainly picked the right pony because she’s all ready for a little game of show and tell…” 

The noise behind him snapped him out of his dream and before he could think he found himself buried under a pile of laundry, mostly towels. From under the clothes, he heard Dash’s muffled voice from across the room.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?!"  Dash demanded. 

"I’m sorry Ms. Dash, I was just here to take your laundry."

Spike didn’t recognize the voice, it wasn’t Bertie, the older pony that cleaned the ponies bungalows and did their laundry, but it was definitely female and she sounded young.

"Why are you in here and why are you doing that?  Aren’t you like a production assistant or something?"

The poor filly sounded terrified. “Y-yes, I hoped you wouldn't mind. I know that Bertie won’t be in until later and I overheard someone in wardrobe say that since they’re wrapping today they’d be laundering every piece of clothing in the wardrobe so I thought it might be a good idea to get things washed before the rush and you were so nice to me earlier and you’re kind of a hero of mine and I just wanted to show my thanks and…” she was on the verge of tears.

“Woah, Woah, woah, take it easy there kid, it’s cool.  It’s Saffron, right?  Sorry if I came off a little harsh there.  You just surprised me.  I was doing my yoga without my sweat box, uh I mean my modesty suit on," she paused, then she suddenly stopped.  

“Spike?  Is that you under that pile?  Those your feet sticking out?”

She didn’t sound too angry, more like curious.

“They are! Spike! What are you doing?!”

Now she sounded angry.

Spike parted the pile of laundry and peered out with a worried grin  “Uhhh…Hi, Rainbow Dash...”  

At the sight of her less than pleased expression, he pulled a towel back over his face. 

Saffron interrupted, "Oh he was just being a dear and helping me clean up your bungalow.  He was carrying your laundry for me.”

“Well, you need to be careful.  Like I said I was in kind of a revealing position and Spike here is a little young, well it's kinda privacy thing, if you know what I mean.” Dash's voice was tinged with anger, a tone Spike knew and he was more than happy to keep that towel over his head, not to mention around the rest of him.  Fortunately fear was very effective way of getting things below his waist to calm down.  He figured he was safe as long as he was surrounded by all the laundry.  The poor mare, whoever she was, was getting upset. Her voice was shaking and once she started talking she seemed unable to stop.	  

“Oh yes, of course, I understand and I’m really sorry.  Don’t worry, his arms were full with your sheets and towels and clothes, I don’t think he can even see where he’s going.”

“Oh, okay, well that’s good,” Dash said, not sounding quite as cool as she’d hoped to.

Spike, very relieved, finally let out the breath he’d been holding. When he inhaled again he realized that the furry thing pressed against his face was Dash’s modesty suit. Its scent filled his nose and suddenly that thing started happening again. But something else filled his mind. He really wanted Rainbow Dash.  In the back of his head he had a vague idea what he would do but right then he wanted to hold her and kiss her wherever she’d let him.  The thought struck him as both very weird and very...he didn’t know but he knew it was something he really wanted, his fear notwithstanding. In desperation he pulled the load he was carrying tighter against his face and inhaled deeply.

"Is that really you under there Spike?” Dash asked with a chuckle as she started to take the laundry from him. “Spike?  It’s okay, you can let go now...Spike??”  

Finally, he let go, his hands dropping to his sides.  The laundry was still waist high, though he didn't care. He looked up at her, his eyes half under their lids, his mouth a slack smile. “Hi again Rainbow…”  was all he could manage to say. He was about to say “You are the most beautiful creature ever born. I love you.” but Dash interrupted him   

“Spike, what is with that crazy look on your face?  Is like Rarity behind me or something?” Dash said with a slightly confused smile.

“Who?” the little dragon asked.

Dash looked quickly at Saffron, a hint of panic in her eyes. “Are you sure he didn’t see anything?  You know I was spread eagle and leaning up against the mirror.”

“Yes, I’m sure.  He had that pile in front of his face the entire time.  Maybe he’s a little light headed from lack of air?  He probably doesn’t even know where he is.”  As she said it Saffron stepped down hard on Spike’s tail.  

“OW!” he cried, snapping out of his daze. The pain, like fear, managed to override his desire. 

“Oh Spike, I’m sorry!  You poor thing!” she quickly pulled him around in front of her, her back to Rainbow Dash. She glared at him but kept her voice friendly  “First we invade Ms. Dash’s privacy…” she paused, her eyes still intent “...and now I step on your tail.”  

Spike clued in, “Uhhh Rainbow? Am I at your place?  I kinda got lost…” he said, not quite as dreamily.

Dash looked the young dragon dead in the eye, raised her eyebrow and said  "Yeah, nice try Spike..."

Spike chuckled weakly.  Saffron patted his head. “Twilight Sparkle sure is lucky to have a number one assistant as polite and helpful as you, Spike. I guess we’d better get to the laundry before the party ends and the ponies from wardrobe take over the machines.”  Saffron said, smiling. “In fact Spike why don’t you just go to the party.  You can escort Ms. Dash.  I can take care of the laundry. Oh, if they have any of those tiny watercress sandwiches, and if you wouldn’t mind, maybe you could wrap one in a napkin.  Just leave it on my clipboard on the table near the bathrooms.  I’ll get it later after I finish this.”  Saffron beamed with delight. 

“Listen, kid - first, stop calling me Ms. Dash.  It’s Rainbow or Dash, or your royal coolness,  Second, forget the laundry. Third, you are totally coming with us to the party.”

“Me?!  At the MLP wrap party? Oh no Ms, I mean Rainbow.  I couldn’t.  I wouldn't know what to say, I’d be way too starstruck. Nopony knows me, and I’d be way too nervous.  I can’t even believe I’m in here talking to you.  Please just let me do your laundry.”

“Okay, here’s the deal, you and old Spike here take that one load and dump it in the machine.  Then you come to the party.  Got it?”

“I don’t know…”

“If you don’t, I will have Twilight levitate you from the laundry room out to the soundstage where we will make you dance the tango with Discord.  If you think I’m kidding, ask Spike.”

The horrified look on Spike’s face confirmed every word she’d spoken. 

“I guess so.  We’ll be out there in 10 minutes or so.  Is that ok?”

“Yeah, 10 minutes flat.  11 means you and the D are doin the T.”

“Okay.” Saffron laughed nervously. 

“Now get that stuff to the laundry double time. I gotta go do my mane,” she said and started to walk toward the bathroom. Spike stared at her perfect retreating rump.

“Oh Rainbow?” Spike called out.

Dash stopped and turned around, smiling. “Yeah Spike?”

I love you more than anything I’ve ever known.  You are everything I could ever dream of wanting….

Spike's eyes were still on her rump. 

“Uh Spike?  Eyes are up here. Were you going to say something?” Dash's eyebrow went up again.

“Oh, uh yeah.  Rarity said to tell you it’s off.  She said Tom so we don’t have to act like spoiled brats anymore.  She said she’ll fill you in at the party.”

“Yeah, I know. It really suc- uh stinks I was rocking it with the whole brat thing. Aaaanyway..  See ya later... hot stuff” she said seductively.  Spike's eyes bulged. Dash chuckled. 


---------------------------------------------------------------------------


The noise from the soundstage faded as Spike and Saffron made their way to the laundry room in the basement.  As they walked down the wet concrete ramp that led to the laundry under the lot,  the smells of detergent and fabric softener began to get stronger. Saffron’s hoof steps echoed off the hard walls and Spike fought for the courage to speak. He  had no idea what to say.  Had she seen him?  How much?  Did she know what he was doing? Finally, he drew a breath and trying to keep the tremors out of his voice, said “I just wanted to thank you back there. I mean, well, not that I was doing anything, you know…”

“Don’t worry Spike, your secret’s safe with me.  You’re getting to that age when cute young females are interesting.  I have a younger brother, believe me, I know.  When I was in high school my friends used to come over.  We’d sit around my room and he always seemed to find an excuse to join us.”

Spike let out a mighty sigh of relief.  Just watching a cute young pony, that’s all I was doing, yeah, that’s all…

“He’d bring snacks and drinks, anything to try to catch a glimpse of what you were trying to catch a glimpse of back there.  It’s totally normal and with ponies as cute as the Mane 6, it’s gotta be tough.  And Rainbow Dash has some amazing physique.”

The blood had drained from Spikes' brain. She knows!  She knows I was trying look at Dash’s thing!  I’m dead, I’m so dead!!  Wait till Dash finds out!  

“Yeah… she sure does,” he sighed, trying to keep the fear out of his voice. “You know she would have killed me if she thought I was spying on her, which I wasn’t.  I mean at least I didn’t go in there with the idea of seeing her, like that.  But if she found out, death would be the easy way out.” he pleaded his case. 

“Well don’t you worry, it will just be our little secret, Rainbow doesn’t ever have to know.” she smiled at him.  

He wanted to jump for joy and give her a big hug and thank her endlessly, but he just smiled back at her and decided right then and there that he really liked her. 

“Thanks, Saffron, you’re a true friend.”  

The cement walls inside of the enormous laundry room had been painted as a mural, depicting the filming of various scenes from the adventures.  Spike found himself looking at one of the images of Dash.  She was dressed for the Second Galloping Gala and dancing with Discord. He sighed. Then he remembered Celestia laughing at Discord's joke about Twilight’s flying skills. As he looked at the image of Twilight he suddenly realized he should do one last check in the bungalow for laundry.

“Hey, Saffron?  I just need to run back to the bungalow for a second to grab any last things that may need washing. This laundry is going to be crazy once that party’s over.  I’ll be right back.”

“Sure Spike, see you soon.”

Spike nodded and took off back to the bungalow at a quick pace.  He could see the party and as he passed by it most of them called out "Hey Spike, where ya goin?  Come on and join the party!"

"In minute guys, got one more thing to do."

"Oh hey there Spike," called out Applejack, "See if you can grab my hat when you go in there.  I think I left it in the bathroom"

"Sure thing AJ"

Spike bounded up to the bungalow and just as he stepped up on the porch, the door opened and Twilight came out.  He was glad to see she was very calm and relaxed and smiling quite contentedly.

“Hi, there number one assistant. Coming to the party?”

“Hey Twi, just grabbing any last laundry before wardrobe takes over the laundry room.”

“Ooh, good idea.  Do you mind if I don’t help?  I just want to relax.”

“No problem,  After I dump my stuff in the machines, I'll grab Saffron and come back to the party.”

“Oh, that new girl, Saffron.  I’m really looking forward to meeting her.”

“She’s REALLY nice Twilight.  I know you’ll get along great.  See you at the party.”

“Sure thing Spike,”  

Spike ran to his cave and grabbed a few towels.  Everything else was clean. He headed into the bathroom, checked the hamper, and pulled out the modesty suit.  Then he noticed another suit hanging from the shower curtain bar.  He went over and pulled them down. He saw that the bottom was wet and a little slick. 

“UGH!,” he said aloud in exasperation, “SOAP!  Dang it Twilight knows these suits can only be cleaned by a trained unicorn! She’s not supposed to wash these herself!!  She must have spilled something in her lap.  ...and this has gotta be soap.  I hope the fur doesn’t all fall out.  Especially in this  part of the suit!”  He examined it closely. “Yeah, she definatly must have spilled something in her lap.  Those unicorns are gonna rip me a new one when they see this. Ohh, she's really gonna get it from me!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow Dash sauntered up to the table where Applejack, Rarity, Twilight, Fluttershy, Trixie, Starlight Pinkie, and Big Mac, were sitting.. 

“I’m glad you finally decided to show up Ms. Dash,” said Rarity, clearly a little tipsy.   “And just where’s my little Spikey Wikey?”

“Oh he’s with that new girl - Saffron.  He’s helping her do my laundry.”

“Actually he’s grabbing the last of our laundry before wardrobe takes the room over.”  Twilight took a little sip from her champagne glass and smiled. “He shouldn’t be too long, Just a few towels and my “hot box,” she smirked. Suddenly her eyes flew open wide, “My hot box!!” she yelled, and leaped off the stool. She almost ran straight into Spike.  He had Applejack's hat on his head.

“Twilight!,” he scolded, holding up the wet suit by the crotch, “You know you shouldn’t use soap on these!"  

Twilight's face had suddenly gone bright red. She reached for the suit, trying to at least hide the crotch. Spike snatched it away, but still held the crotch aloft.  Twilight was clearly getting very upset. 

Spike continued his tirade, "If you spilled something in your lap it’s okay, but you’re supposed to take them straight to the unicorns in wardrobe to professionally clean them with magic! Now they're going to give ME all kinds of grief!  Next time we film, if all the hair falls out of your crotch, don’t come crying to me!”  Spike snapped.  Then he turned and trotted quickly off toward the laundry.

Twilight’s face had never gone as red in her life as it did now. 

Fluttershy was a close second, Rarity and Pinkie just laughed out loud, Rainbow was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Applejack tried to change the subject, “Hey Spike!: she yelled out at almost full volume, “Thanks for gettin my hat!”  

"UGH!  Sorry AJ, hang on."  As he turned to toss it to her, Spike dropped Twilight's other modesty suit.  DAMNIT!!" he yelled. Applejack looked at the second suit. She didn’t say anything but scowled in confusion, then looked over at Twilight.  The little alicorn had her head down, her face in her hooves.

Rainbow Dash yelled out, “Hey AJ, give that hat to Twilight, she may need it for when we do summer stock if the unicorns can’t fix her suit - and NOT for her head!!”  The cyan pegasus then collapsed on the ground in hysterics. Applejack saw that Twilight’s ears had folded back and she was hiding her face and knew she was going to make a run for it. An idea came to the farm pony.

“Hey Rainbow - you want that ding dong back?  I got it here in my saddle bag.”  Applejack opened the flap. All the mares quickly gathered around to see it.  They all giggled and gasped. Trixie screamed. “Applejack!  Holy sh-!” but she caught herself. The mares looked over at Applejack and began to tease her about why she had borrowed it in the first place. “Hey, a pony has needs, you know!”  They all laughed and kidded and nudged each other.  Some whispered and pointed at the blushing blonde earth pony. 

Cheerilee looked in the bag and shrugged,  Then she looked at Big Mac, raised her eyebrow and smiled. He was glad no one noticed how he blushed, they were all either making cracks at Applejack or looking at Dash who still lay on the ground, laughing.  Mac saw that some of the mares, now on their 3rd glass of wine getting a little nasty with their comments. AJ took it but Mac could see it was really hurting her.  Then some drunk mare shouted “AJ, wasn’t there a second one? Where you keeping-”  Mac immediately jumped it at twice the volume.

“Hey Rainbow - Is that ding dong thing really yours? Asked the big red Clydesdale peering into the bag.   “That little thing is really kinda cute.”

“Whoahhhhhh!” went up the chorus from the mares as they all looked at Big Mac.  Applejack looked at him with a relieved smile.  He smiled right back at her and gave her a quick wink.  

“Wha-?” Dash asked from the ground, “What’s a ding dong?”

“I think Mac’s asking if that’s your dildo, darling.” Rarity asked, teeing up for the punch line.

Fluttershy smiling innocently, commented “Or maybe it’s your darling dildo…” which was pretty much whacking the ball all the way to the green.  She glanced over at Twilight to see if it helped.  Nopony was watching the young alicorn anymore.  Her ears were slowly unfolding.  As she wiped the tears from her red eyes with the back of her hoof she looked at Fluttershy and Mac who were standing together.  She smiled gratefully at the two of them. Fluttershy smiled back and winked and Mac returned the smile and gave a nod.

“WHAT?!!” objected the cyan pegasus, jumping up into a hover and glancing into the saddle bag. “That’s not mine!  I don’t have one of those!”

Twilight smiled and sniffed then took a deep breath and said with a smile “Ahh, so you really ARE a mare after all!”

That was it.  The whole table burst into uproarious laughter. As Rainbow Dash yelled back at them, Applejack glanced at Rarity who was smiling at her.  Applejack looked back puzzled.  Rarity’s expression reminded Applejack of how she looked when she’d said that thing about the “sweet mystery of life” back in her bungalow.  Rarity rolled her eyes at Applejack then motioned with them toward Twilight. The young princess was looking across the table at Applejack, it was clear the little alicorn was on the very edge of controlling her emotions.  Suddenly as she looked into Applejack’s eyes, an intense feeling of affection and gratitude was so clear that it moved the earth pony to the edge of tears. Twilight mouthed the words “Thank you.” Applejack, blushed, smiled and rolled her eyes.  

Then Twilight mouthed three more words.  For the second time, that night Applejack wasn’t prepared. In her mind, she heard Twilight's voice and the impact were more than she'd expected. The smile fell slowly from her face. Somewhere inside she became vaguely aware that she had started to lose a battle she hadn’t known she was fighting. Seeing that Twilight’s expression had become one of concern, Applejack blushed and smiled and mouthed the same words back to her just as she caught the first tears with the back of her hoof before anypony had noticed.