Chapter 1: Devilish Delicacies
You know, I wish I could say that sprinting away from pieces of delectable mint green and beige hard candy (that ranged in size from 3 to 7 times my height at full stature) was the strangest thing I’ve done in my life. That would make me a normal pony; I’m not a normal pony. As my hooves carried me across the plain while being chased by delicious candies which were encrusted with little lyre shaped designs, I thought about how I got into situations like this. Climbing into dreams isn’t exactly the safest thing with the amount of fucked up ideas the pony subconscious could create. But somepony had to rid their brains of the dream eaters, or as a psychopathically obsessive compulsive crazy unicorn called them: Subconscious Parasites. She had a way of doing that: providing everything a more scientific sounding name. Oh wait, wasn’t I supposed to running from something-OH YEAH! The devilish and devious delicious delectable desirable divine distinguished delicacies of death and destruction! I’d decided to try and come up with a more clever name for them so the purple unicorn could have her field day after the ordeal was over. The dream eaters were now starting to close in on me. Well isn’t that just dandy? At least it was just a plain this time, this was much better than my last dream walk. I mean it definitely isn’t as bad as when I walking upside down on steps made of banana peels being chased by angry chomping chimps using water propelled roller blades while carrying knives. I don’t think another dream could beat that insanity for a while.
Snapping back to reality, I decided that running wasn’t getting me very far. They would obviously catch me if I continued with this fruitless escape plan. I did a quick shuffle of my hooves so I could face the tasty behemoths properly. “Okay, let’s finish this, pony to evil candy monsters.” Subsequently, I casted a modified sonic boom as a beige dream eater closed in on me, effectively knocking the monster a couple hundred feet backwards. The beast impacted into some of the less fortunate ones, smashing the candy into pieces and creating a giant heap of green and beige shards. As I had learned can project somepony considerably farther than when it is used in the real world. This feature makes it one my most valuable spells in combat, but enough about that, we have some monsters to crush. After My spell made quick work of the rest of the candy behemoths as I sent blue wave after blue wave at the enemy, I smiled and began to trot towards the monsters to see if that beating had released the mares I was trying to save. To my dismay I saw nothing of the like. While I was exiting the premise of the fight an excruciatingly loud groan emanated from behind me. I froze in shock, fearful of what I would see, but eventually worked up enough courage to turn my head and face the noise.
“What is this fuckery?!” I questioned to no one. I was the only one here, but I doubt anypony wouldn’t keep their mouth shut if they saw a giant form of a pony merge together from bits of broken candy. I take my statement from before back, I’d rather face those monkeys anyday than whatever was forming from the crushed monsters. At least they don’t hold each other’s arms and turn into giant super-monkeys! As the creature almost finished molding together into its final shape, I took it upon myself to take everypony’s favorite plan of action: running and screaming like a little filly. I would have happily enjoyed this, if the creature hadn’t started taking slow, very slow, steps towards me. Each step causing a miniature earthquake and making me lose my balance, planting my face firmly into the ground. After about 10 or so repetitions of this process: me sprinting, the titan stepping, and my tripping like foal, I had had enough of this and the dream eater was closing in on me. I decided it was time to use the dream to my advantage and with a quick flash, I manipulated the dream to give me wings, perfect for escaping the heavily grounded candy.
“HAHA! SUCKER!” I yelled at the dream eater, flying away from the creature at breakneck speeds. I never really had too much experience with flight, but dreams make no sense and I was just about as gifted as The Wonderbolts at that moment. But of course, the dream eater had at least as much if not more, most likely, knowledge about dream logic. It unfairly changed some of the candy into wings about the size of a dozen carriages put together and, by some insane feat, lifted off the ground and gave chase to moi. Did I mention that it also grew a horn? And that it felt it was necessary to pelt me with logic? That can be a serious problem in a dream. Especially when you're disregarding logic to fly and you’re travelling at about 500 MPH 600 feet above the ground. I accepted that this would probably be the end of me, which was really a bummer because I wanted to go out in style, you know, on a sexcapade or something cool like that. I shut my eyes not wanting to know when I’d hit the ground, trying as hard as I could to not think about that I was about to die. And equally awful my patient would be permanently comatose, forced to spend the rest of her life with this dream eater torturing and feeding off her soul. What happened when I hit the terrain was totally unexpected. I seemed to have crashed on a plant or something of the likes. Wait a second…it was rather soft…and squishy and seemed to end in curves I noticed as I quickly a hoof down the…thing, still too scared to open my eyes.
“GET YOUR DISGUSTING HOOVES OF ME, ASSHOLE!” Well that answered my question. It was a mare, and a rather grumpy one at that. I knew I recognized the voice from somewhere. I didn’t see her appearance until well after she finished cursing me out some more. Though all I could see was the outline of a pink pony.
My eyes, having to adjust to not only opening but to an unnatural auras of light that were arching across the sky, taking all my concentration away from angry mare. This signified that day was approaching and my time was almost up. However I would be fine, the mare I was saving wouldn’t I stared up at the sky like an idiot, surprised at how much time I must have wasted eating candy in the dream. My idiocy would cost the mare’s life. ‘I was never meant to save lives, I never will be. You’re a fuckup Dreamcatcher.’ I thought as I stood there and stared at the sky.