Can Cheerilee make a group of inner city colts and fillies stand and deliver?
After her students release the spirit of Discord on an official field trip, Cheerilee finds herself out of a job. With no opportunities in Ponyville, the schoolmare takes a job offer in the inner city area of Canterlot's old mining town. Can even she overcome the insanities of her colleagues and apathy of her students in time to pass her next annual review? And who is the mysterious backwards-talking filly following Cheerilee around? Luna's School for Disadvantaged Youngsters will never be the same!
Tv Tropes page can be found here. Cover art based on work by blackgryph0n, used with permissiom.
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 1: Don’t You Forget About Me
The slow squeaking of the closing door reverberated through the oppressive office atmosphere. Principal Prunecrop of the Canterlot Education Council closed his door with exaggerated gentleness while repressed frustration gleamed from his eyes. As she listened, Cheerilee reflected on her recent lesson on metaphors; the door and her career were a pretty good match right now.
The nervous earth mare tried to retract her hooves into her body as Prunecrop slowly trotted behind his desk. She forgave him his pace due to his advanced years, but Cheerilee's optimistic outlook blinded her at times. She would never realize that he carefully measured every step in order to draw out the tension. The careful destruction of ponies was his greatest joy, and Prunecrop would remember her quivering with fondness over a dinner of lukewarm soup for many weeks.
“So, Ms. Cheerilee,” the graying stallion began, magically adjusting his glasses. “How have your lessons been going? Did the field trip go well?”
She squirmed inwardly. Straight to the point, as always. Spin it with that positive flair! He loves to be complimented.
“It was a wonderful gift of your resources, sir. All of us in Ponyville are grateful for the bits the Council sends our way, and the parents were overjoyed that we could walk the full Canterlot Monument Lane Trotting Tour.”
That’s right, show him how much I've touched the lives of the pupils. It’s just another annual review to ace, frame, and hang on the wall.
“Hmm. I have seen the effect you've had on your…what is it, nine students?” He grinned like a hydra visiting a Home for Gullible Fillies with a cart of barbecue sauce. The trap was sprung.
“That is what I do, sir," she said with a nod. "My cutie mark is three flowers of inspiration. Nurturing is my skill.”
He furrowed his brow. “Fascinating. By the by, my mark is a pair of garden shears.”
Cheerilee gulped.
His chartreuse horn glowed while it levitated a bundle of scrolls, before he suddenly spilled them out dramatically onto the desk. The metal scroll tubes rung out with a sound Prunecrop thought sounded like a cheerful chorus singing “doom.”
“So, let’s see the effect your inspiration has had on our treasury.” He began opening tubes and unwrapping scrolls in succession, reading off each with growing glee. Great, he’s going to mention the bake sale, Cheerilee thought with enthusiasm.
“Well, we owe the Museum of History 4,322 bits for the incident hereafter referred to as the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders Siege Engineers.’ That dovetailed quite nicely into the Cutie Mark Crusaders Painting Restorers fiasco, a running total of 8,999 bits regarding the Mona Appaloosa, not counting the repair for the now-repaired Venus De Mallorquin.”
She grimaced nervously. “Little Applebloom had apparently spent hours in the library researching the Venus to get the ‘replacement’ limbs right. It’s a remarkable amount of work for a farm filly.”
This is too easy, Prunecrop thought. Either she’s that blindly optimistic or she’s actually throwing herself upon her plow willingly.
“And that would be wonderful, Ms. Cheerilee, if she had been earning the five thousand bits per hour that would have been necessary to fix her fixing. This is, of course, not counting the debacle at the Philharmonic involving the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders Cello Players.”
I can still pull out a win, she thought. Think of all the plays you love from the 1080’s, like ‘Fast Times at Ridemount High.’ You grew up on this, Cheerilee! I’ll get him to care and break down his resolve. Hay, this would end with a musical number and a frozen high-hoof-five. She smiled. I never understood why they bothered magically freezing those brohoofs onstage. It was rad, though.
“You can see how much they care, Mr. Prunecrop! I have students from many diverse backgrounds who’ve found a common purpose, whether it's Snips and Snails running the Magic Club or Silver Spoon’s yearbook team. They’re all so very motivated to be more than just small town kids. They are BANGIN’, sir,” she proclaimed as her inner glam hair pony began to claw to the surface.
His nonplussed look spoke volumes.
“Well, we do have some insurance. We are talking about Ponyville, after all. Your little hamlet is renowned for collateral damage. As long as the last report isn’t too bad, we might be able to forget this.” His grin did an accurate shark impersonation.
This is IT. We can do it, girl! Cheerilee was certain that whatever damage was left over, she had set his heart aflame. She could hear the sounds of a classic guitar solo from the Ramanes already in her head. We’ll have a ‘Trot & Roll High School' ending after all!
“So, let’s look at that last report. One final tally and we’re done here. You could canter back to your little wrecking crew and train them in the arts of well-researched property damage. Let’s see, where was it from?”
He savored the way her hope almost audibly shattered at the next four words.
“The Canterlot Statue Gardens.”
Cheerilee’s retro-daydreams instantly ceased as all motion and conversation stopped.
His horn flared with sickly-yellow joy as he floated the abacus directly between himself and the now-heartbroken teacher. “We’ll start with the psychological damage lawsuits and work our way to agricultural damages. This may take a while.”
“Of course, it’s ‘that bad,’ Twilight. My students released the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony! “
Twilight Sparkle gave a nervous grin as she searched her brain for some tactic that could cheer up her downtrodden friend. She had spent the last few hours helping Cheerilee pack, and no beam of sunshine had been able to penetrate the schoolmare’s mental cloud. Surely her beloved logic was worth a try, she thought.
“I cast a maximized and extended restoration spell heightened by the Elements of Harmony. How could anything be possibly wrong after that?”
Cheerilee smiled. “Okay, you get an 'A+' for immediate town clean up. But Diamond Tiara’s parents are suing the school after chain-smoking penguins used her as a piñata. I’m just glad she’s fine. That’s more than can be said for the Carrot family’s croplands, soaking in chocolate syrup. By Celestia, even the Canterlot observatory is reporting damages since the increased day/night rotation ruined observations of Ingram’s comet they spent months preparing for.”
Cheerilee started pawing the ground, regretfully. “They were actually going to present their findings to the class personally. Not much chance of that now. I’m a liability to the district, Twi. Even if I’m not ruined in education, I’ll never work in Ponyville again.”
As Twilight moved among the crowded shelves of classroom supplies, planters, and demonstration equipment, she started to feel her friend’s depression. Twilight calculated that the volume of classroom equipment here easily exceed the volume of the schoolhouse. No wonder Cheerilee pulled a cart to school every day.
Cheerilee’s house was a seemingly random array of materials; one shelf was an organized array of Canterlot Campus teaching textbooks; below it were dated and labeled jars of eggs soaking in vinegar keeping company with a beaker filled with repulsively orange mold. It was labeled ‘Snips' Science Fair Project.”’ The beaker gave off a unique but not enticing aroma. Leaning against it was an Abraham Lincolt hat made of felt and macaroni. The shelf beneath had a stack of impressively labeled forms using a Charles Darwhinny doll figure as a paperweight. His clothes had mysterious acid burns.
And I thought I was disorganized. Then again, she always seems to find things. A disturbing thought trickled into her head as she called out to Cheerilee.
“Cheeri, humor me. You’re an earth pony, correct?”
Cheerilee looked confused, momentarily distracted from sorting insect toys and building blocks.
“I thought you were Celestia’s best student, Twi. What’s your point?”
Twilight voiced her fears slowly and carefully. “You brought these science fair projects from the schoolhouse, right?”
Cheerilee nodded, organizing an array of Equestrian Geographic maps into her pack. “The Kingdom Science Fair rules only allow mold projects if grown in a house away from children, and Snips was so excited about his I had to keep it at my house.” She suddenly stopped packing, and cast her eyes downwards. “He was supposed to get it back next class. I’ll have to put it with the stack of things to go to the next teacher.”
There’s one more hope. “So you threw it in your teacher cart for the trek home?” Twilight flashed a hopeful smile.
“Nope," Cheerilee replied. "My cart was full of Solar System Models to grade. I couldn't risk it spilling out all over the asteroids.”
Stunned by the implication, Twilight exclaimed, “You carried THAT home…with your MOUTH?!”
Cheerilee shrugged as she went back to work.
“It was that, or be stuck with a third one of Snips’ volcano models in a row. He was finally paying attention in science; I had to help.” The soon-to-be exiled schoolmare continued working, not seeming to notice or understand Twilight's expression of shock and disgust.
Like I always say, Twilight considered. Everypony. This town. CRAZY.
Watching Cheerilee pack her possessions into her saddlebags was heartbreaking. She paused after every shelf, becoming more visibly upset as she contemplated the rows of scavenged and donated school supplies that would go unused. Worse, Twilight thought the entire thing was totally unnecessary. She had to act fast to buoy Cheerilee's spirits, and thus fell back unto her old standard; vocabulary.
“So your freakishly focused fillies freed the phantasm of frantic fear and furor. You do so much for this town for a single mistaken monster medley of misrule and madness to end everything. It’s just one incident.”
Cheerilee sighed with a reluctant smile fighting to the front of her face and leaned against one of her homemade bookshelves. She tried to recapture her mood by glancing around at the multitude of blooming plants hanging from the ceiling of her home. It didn't work. Cheerilee could only think of how she’d have to replant or abandon her ‘babies’ as she trotted out of her hometown.
“Twi, I appreciate the wordplay. I’d love to think that I made such a good impression on the town, but the truth is I failed. I admit, the kids do love me. I think I’m the only earthbound adult Scootaloo listens to without an automatic eye roll." She bit her bottom lip as she willed herself to keep talking, then continued. "Getting their love doesn't matter if can’t also rein them in. My discipline style didn't work at all.”
Twilight reclined on her haunches, taking in a large breath of the house's earthy smell. Her eyes flickered sideways to the odor's source, and she caught sight of the opened worm composting bin, where a beautifully made yet unfinished sandwich was being broken down into waste.
Twilight shivered as she levitated the lid back. She racked her brain for ways to help, and made a promise to herself; she WOULD solve this friendship problem.
“There must be some way we can work this. Why not take it to the parents? They'll see all the effort you put in. Seriously, look at all the work you grade at home, Cheerilee. There’s as many papers spread out here as my house, and I live in a library! ”
Cheerilee eyes darted along the wall over several end-of-the-year class pictures. “I’m afraid even a good reputation can’t pay this bill. You saw the tally.” Twilight backpedaled as the suddenly animated earth pony met her almost nose-to-nose.
“Do you know how long they suspend a teacher for this level of damages?” Cheerilee's green eyes quivered with moisture as she pushed forward into physical contact with Twilight. “FOREVER. I’ll never work in Ponyville again. They’ll send me to the frontier, or move me to an inner-stable school where kids carry pies to class. Maybe they’ll build an inner-stable school in the frontier just for me.”
The logic chains in Twilight's brain melted under Cheerilee's raw stare, and she also felt tears start to form.
“You can’t leave," Twilight said as she poked Cheerilee with a hoof. "Nopony else understands all the words I use,” she said. “NOPONY. The data sampling levels out a eighty-seven percent for Rarity, and everypony else has a straight drop of at least six percentiles.”
Something between a snuffle and a giggle rose out of Cheerilee. "Twilight, you actually compiled data on this?"
Twilight shrugged in return, smiling despite the wetness on her face. "You knew who I was when we started hanging out, 'Lee."
The two friends stared at each other for long moments, silent and smiling. Suddenly, a small and scaled foot kicked open the front door. “I got your smelly dirty plant tools!”
Spike had chosen an interesting moment to carry in the bundle of gardening equipment from the shed out back. Whistling and bobbing his head to the sounds of the classic 80’s K-Colt subsidiary station that perennially filled the house and yard, he dropped everything as he saw the two tearful mares stare into each others' eyes, their faces almost touching.
“Wow. Is this, like, Lyra and Bon-Bon stuff going on here?”
Twilight turned a mortified shade of magenta, but Cheerilee only smiled.
“Spike,” she asked calmly. “If we said 'yes,' would you really have any idea what that would actually entail?”
He looked toward Twilight, blushing and hiding her face, then turned to Cheerilee, whose heaving chest contrasted with a calm expression. Spike shrugged. "Um, No.” He sat down with a hopeful look. "Do I finally get an explanation? Twilight changes the subject when it comes up."
Cheerilee walked over to him and gently nuzzled his forehead. “Oh, Spike. You act so mature sometimes I forget how young you really are. I really should have brought you to class.”
The now red-cheeked dragon pup found himself wordless as Twilight rolled her eyes. Celestia, if she had stayed she could give Rarity some competition. Twilight suddenly swallowed as caught the resignation of her own thoughts.
They packed without further talking, letting the coarse tones of Coatorhead and the soulful voice of Rick Ambley fill the room. The joy of Cheerilee’s childhood heroes quickly faded at the next station break.
“That’s right, Equestria. You’ve been Rick Roaned! This is K-Colt, and you’re listening to a concert of classic colts and cool covers. This one goes out to whoever let those freaky fillies rampage through the Philharmonic this week. A friend of mine was there, and her instrument got some wicked battle scars in that mosh pit. This one’s for you, oh Unknown Schoolmare, ‘cause just like the diamond dog of metal, you’re CRAZY!”
A maniacal voice shouted ‘All Aboard!’ as the sounds of Ozzy Osbark's “Crazy Train” filled the house. Twilight turned off the radio as she watched her normally music-loving friend fight back tears. Cheerilee stood still almost completely still for a few seconds. The sounds of an erratic knock finally gave her a welcome distraction and a reason to start moving again.
She was greeted by the sight of a pair of crossed eyes, but not the familiar ones she normally expected. A light-violet mare with chaotic hair and a spinning green beanie was smiling in a disconcerting way.
“Me not happy to see you! You set loose nice dragon-horse that not make Screwball. You have nothing to do with me being here. Me hate you forever! Me came SO far to not see you. ” The oddly-speaking pony began playing with her lips in an absentminded manner, then suddenly spread her hooves wildly and threw back her head. “We’ll NEVER be friends!”
Startled into taking a step back, Cheerilee stared blankly out as her mind grappled with the barrage of bizarre babble. She started to choke up as she slowly closed the door. The violet oddity cocked her head and frowned.
“Me…understand,” Screwball whispered as she walked away.
So much for the goodwill of the townsfolk, Cheerilee lamented. That was the first of the angry mob.
“Twi, I’m calling it for the night. Even an earth pony can only carry so much weight at once.”
Twilight paused as Spike followed her down the darkened Ponyville street, looking back at Cheerilee’s house with eyes of worry. They narrowed into slits filled with determination as she saw the imperfect scarecrow planted in the front rows of her friend’s garden, a gift of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to their teacher. The stuffed pony effigy angled to the side, Applebloom’s half attached asymmetrically to Sweetie Belle’s sewn-together monstrosity. Sweetie had stitched the phrase ‘Besst Teechur’ across the front, and an irrepressible young pegasus had added a design of her teacher skateboarding with a guitar-sword in her mouth just below.
“Spike, let’s hurry home. I need you to take a letter. There’s one more ally to assist our avenue of assault, assistant.”
Cheerilee rested on her bed, hooves tightly tucked underneath with tension. She smiled wanly as she looked for the last time of her collection of teaching books and materials. With the amount of bits she had spent on her classroom, she would ironically be unable to afford moving into a home big enough to hold them. As it always had with her, desperate times called for thoughtful measures.
"All right," Cheerilee said while nibbling her pen stub. "The planet models can go to Ditzy's kids. I can ship extra art supplies to High Class. I suppose throwing a lawn sale might net me a few bits. Who else needs school supplies?"
She furrowed her brow, sucking on the quill before moving it to the side of her mouth. Cheerilee had the skilled tongue of an earth pony who wrote more than half of the village combined. She missed having marefriends she could joke about that with.
"Apple Bloom has a relative who's a teacher, I think. Bit Counter went into business, so not him. Page turner's a librarian in Baltimare, now. Checkmark joined her husband's accounting business."
Her shoulders sagged as the pen fell out of the corner of her mouth.
"So, all of them make more bits than me, huh? Um." Her head perked up. "Back to work! Miss Sharpener's retired... "
She carefully placed the pen onto the short list, smiling to herself.
"... and she definitely deserved it for dealing with me."
Long ago, in a messy classroom in the magical land of Equestria “Be careful with those supplies, Cheerilee. We get beakers replaced annually, not weekly. Watch your head!”
The young teaching assistant quickly dodged to the left, letting the glassware miss her completely as it met a loud reunion with gravity. “I’m sorry Miss Sharpener. I have no idea how earth ponies are supposed to handle shelves like this. Do we even need all of this stuff for teaching?”
The middle-aged yellow schoolmare smiled nostalgically at her frizzled-haired replacement. “If we’re talking unnecessary things, I’d love to address your wardrobe. It reminds me of your old school play dandelion costume. No, my dear, I’m afraid you DO need all of this ‘stuff.’”
As Miss Sharpener walked back to her desk, Cheerilee nervously touched one of the blue lightning bolts that hung from her ears. Maybe these should go in the jewelry box. They’ll definitely distract a parent at a conference. She took in a deep breath. There’s always weekends.
The young New Wave pony came back to reality while watching her mentor. Sharpener was contentedly admiring a framed stack of awards. As she placed the topmost one in her cart, Cheerilee saw it was written in misspelled crayon.
“We need to use everything we can in every way we can, Miss Cheerilee. There’s a way to reach every student if you can find it, and it may be in the last place you’d look.”
An unexpected knock on her door woke Cheerilee from her reverie. She picked up the dripping quill off of her bed, admiring the way the new ink stain fit in with the old ones. Nice use of composition.. With an amused smile, she walked over to greet the midnight caller. After all, she thought, for once I can sleep in on a weekday. Cheerilee opened the door, sagging in the doorway as Twilight met her gaze.
“Twi, I said I was done for the night. I was asleep,” she lied, poorly.
Twilight smirked. “Cheerilee, you’re the only pony I know with a worse sleeping schedule than mine, and I know Pinkie Pie. I didn’t come to talk. I brought someone else to do the talking.”
Twilight stepped out of the way as a regal figure stepped out of the darkness. Cheerilee gasped as she recognized the flowing hair of starlight crowning a horn as dark as the night. The schoolmare was stunned; a whisper could have knocked her over.
Thus, she was totally unprepared for the booming Canterlot Royal Voice, which suddenly greeted her. “FAIR EDUCATOR, WE WOULD PRESENT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR THEE.”
Twilight face-hooved as her friend fainted dead away. Princess Luna nervously met the gaze from the unicorn’s uncovered eye.
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 2: Welcome to the Jungle
The Next Day…
As she followed Luna out of the inner city gate, Cheerilee reflected on how she loved the ancient architecture of the capital. Her senior prom had been held in Canterlot, and she nearly missed the festivities. Her friends were scandalized when she skipped out to look at the frescoes and monuments, which is why they sent her date after her. She sighed reflexively as she remembered her first kiss, shielded from the rain by the statue of General Truehorn. It was like a scene from a John Hoofs play, like Pony in Pink or the Trotfast Club.
The nostalgia ended as the new schoolmare beheld the first mutilated and disfigured statue of Princess Celestia. “Thou hast arrived, teacher,” Princess Luna said sardonically. She continued past the statue without giving it a second glance.
Who would dare do such a bogus thing? Worse yet, who would do it HERE? Cheerilee turned back for a reassurance. We’re still within sight of the capital gates!
Luna, turning back slightly in her walk, read her expressions easily. “Our subjects show disaffection much for the both of us. They must also survive how they can. Pray tell, what accoutrements have been removed?” She stopped at the end of the street, waiting for an answer.
Cheerilee furrowed her brow. “The Golden Solar Horseshoes have been chipped off. Her Mantle of the Morn is cut apart.” That’s weird. “Her tail is completely untouched, but they removed her horn. “ She turned to the immortal monarch with questioning eyes.
“In this hamlet, the gold of the statue is more real than the favor of the monarch. Past a certain point every statue in Old Canterlot is a mere shell of its former glory. In truth I don’t understand why my sister keeps placing them here.” Luna raised a hoof toward their destination. “Yon township is Old Canterlot. After Celestia and I vanquished the terrible Draconequus, the ponies of the land sought to build us a royal town worthy of our deeds. “
She smiled sadly. “We would have been happy to live amongst our subjects, partaking in their day to day laughter and struggles. We were ‘banished’ to royalty because of the anxiety our presence seems to cause. Thine people have ever distanced yourselves from us. I understand why my sister resorts to petty tricks to break that barrier.”
“Where we came from, wherein I and Celestia hold court, could more properly be called New Canterlot. The original town was erected against the face of the mountain. It took years to erect the marble face of Canterlot Castle.” The Princess smiled wryly. “The nobles are thankful that Old Canterlot lies between the capital and the mountain. It saves them the effort of looking down their nose at it while entering their noxious Gala.”
Cheerilee started to see signs of life on the street. Ponies pulled wagons of ore and marble down the street. She saw cutie marks of pick-axes, mining carts, and hard hats. There were also more mysterious marks she couldn't decipher. What does a big brawny colt like that need a mark of a yellow bird in a cage for?
The buildings were as weathered and rugged as their inhabitants. The townsfolk lived in squat stone apartments that looked hewn instead of built. Cheerilee calculated they were so close together that much of the street would be dark whenever the sun wasn’t directly overhead.
“It’s hard to believe this is just a hop, skip, and a jump from Celestia’s Square and the Philharmonic, your Majesty.” Cheerilee realized she could have brought her class here without adding much time at all to the field trip. It would have been worth it to see Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara’s reaction. She smiled with bittersweet nostalgia. Even if it meant dealing with the Cutie Mark Crusader Cave Crawlers.
“Thou must know my sister’s heart bleeds for the downtrodden. Unfortunately, for centuries they have felt betrayed by her, and refuse her charity. They saw the fruit of all of their labors taken over by ungrateful aristocrats. “ Luna snorted. “I know not how Prince Blueblood was produced from the mighty stock that first gazed upon Nightmare Moon. I worry that the race of ponies is failing. The blood of Dream Valley is all but spent, its pride and dignity forgotten. “
Luna’s eyes became unfocused. She stood in the middle of a busy street. That alone was enough to startle Cheerilee; she couldn’t imagine a place where a princess could walk without everypony bending their hoof. The very Alicorn of Twilight now received questioning glares that bordered on disrespectful. Earlier, she had seemed almost hurt by it. Now Luna was a traffic obstruction, heedless of the paths she blocked.
The out-of-place educator nervously walked to Luna’s side and followed her gaze. As they progressed into the older areas of the city, she had started to notice more carved artwork on the walls. Instead of Classicist architecture, it had a more down-to-Equestria feel, like something that would decorate a mug or barroom wall. They were charming in how they mixed realistic artwork with whimsical subjects.
Luna was standing stock still, examining an archway. The art in question portrayed her; there was a tale told with pictures involving an Earth pony trying to catch the moon in a bucket of water for her. Much of the archway had been smoothed away by time, leaving the beginning and the end in mystery.
Cheerilee could tell by the movement of the alicorn's eyes that the fresco was quite significant. The ancient mare was tracing the damaged parts of the architecture with her gaze; whether she was recalling the original archway from memory or trying to imagine it the schoolmare didn’t know.
“Um…I’m going to canter into that store, your majesty. I’m a little hungry. I’ll come back here if you're not finished…doing whatever it is you’re doing by then. Do you mind watching my cart?”
The resigned teacher tourist waved her hoof in front of Luna’s stare to no avail. She would have sworn her hoof felt colder afterward. Gently, she tied her cart to the alicorn's back leg. She felt a mixture of blasphemous, disrespectful, and embarrassed at the same time. Well, even here nopony would steal out of the Princess’s cart, right?
Cheerilee walked cautiously into the pub. She was slightly reassured by its cheerful sign proclaiming itself 'The Generous Meal.' Unlike the wide open floor space of Sugarcube Corner, the tables here were densely packed together and filled. Boisterous conversation stopped as the grizzled workers turned to her. The bar was silent.
Did I walk straight into a Colt with No Name western?
Unconsciously whistling to herself, she approached the barkeep, trying to stare over the salthounds in her way. The miners ignored her, dehydrating their tongues in a full-on sodium binge.
“Excuse me, sir? Do you have any food for sale?”
The aged stallion with a cutie mark of a broken pool cue turned lazily.
“Trail mix is nine bits. You one of them teachers from that school down the way?”
She relaxed at little. At least they’re interested in education. “Yes indeed, sir. I’ve pulled my cart all the way from Cherry Lawn in Ponyville just to be here. I start at Luna’s School for Disadvantaged Youth today!” She reared backed and struck a dramatic pose.
Snickers seemed to saunter to the bar from all around.
“Ayep, well if yer from that useless waste of space it's gonna be fifteen bits. Y’all might as well start paying back something to the community.”
She was speechless; despite their reputation for nervous breakdowns no Ponyville business owner had ever treated her like this. Gravity not-so-gently reminded her that she was rearing up, and she barely kept her balance.
“Pardon me, sir?”
He spit on the counter. “You heard me, miss. Waste of time and bits that building is, when the kids could be getting proper minework done rather than filling their heads with nonsense. ” He grinned wryly. “Actually, from what I’ve heard about the teachers they ain’t managin’ to fill anyone’s heads nohow.”
“I…um. I’d expected…better treatment from the sign outside.” They’re moving in around me. This may go from bogus to plain bad, and I don't mean the good kind of 'bad.' She frowned. Why did we ever have a good kind of 'bad,' anyway?
A younger mining stallion with a dented helmet started whispering in her ear. “You know what they call the first trapped miner to perish after a cave-in, Missy?”
“Not yet, but I’m always willing to learn new things,” she responded with a nervous smile.
The crowd waited with anticipation for the awaited punchline to an old joke.
“Since he’s gone from eatin’ food to bein’ food, you call ‘im the generous meal.”
Omigoshomigoshomigosh. Everypony here is….worse than crazy.
“WE HAVE COME FOR THE TRAIL MIX! WE ARE HOPING FOR THE CRANBERRIES!”
Luna took up the entire doorway, casting a shadow over the entire bar as her eyes flared with light. The walls of the building stopped shaking shortly afterward. The patrons took a little longer.
The ebony alicorn walked over to the bar. “Thy wares were nine bits?”
The bartender nervously passed two bags over the bar. “On the house, ma’am.”
The Pony of Night merely levitated the bags away with her after a thankful nod. The trapped teacher saw her window of opportunity and followed quickly behind.
In the street Luna’s unexpected cheer continued. “Oh delight! We have obtained walnuts!” She suddenly cast a reassuring glance to Cheerilee. “'We' as in us, teacher. Rest assumed I have learned much grammar and manners in recent days. I only regret having to use the Canterlot Royal Voice to frighten those patrons rather than use diplomacy.”
The relieved mare shrugged. “That’s fine, Your Majesty. I’m sure…what the hay! Somepony actually took my globe? Who would pickpocket a princess?”
She suddenly stopped shouting as she saw guilty tears starting to form on the alicorn. She remembered the vulnerable side of Luna that Twilight had claimed came out on Nightmare Night. I never believed her; I was at home grading, after all. Let’s hope everything Twilight said that night was truthful.
“Luna,” Cheerilee nervously ventured. The princesses eyes went wide at the familiarity, but it wasn’t an angry surprise. “Let’s go to the school. It’s all right. I’m sure they have another one, and that one wasn’t important anyway. I forgive you.” ‘ I just hope Miss Scribbler never learns I lost her parting gift.
She was unprepared for the strength of Luna’s hug. “How wonderful! Forgiveness is surely a gift between friends. We shall multiply our friendship at once!” The stares of onlookers brought Luna quickly to her senses. She released her grip, and Cheerilee started breathing again.
The skeptical schoolmare bit her lip as she questioned the princess. “Are you sure THIS is it?”
Luna raised a barely-restrained eyebrow. “I can number all the quasars in the Seven Sectors of local space. I trace the path of billions of comets as they weave through the embrace of dark matter. I don’t get lost on my own campus.”
Cheerilee expected statuary and columns, architecture and artwork. What she found was a squat two-story building that looked more like a fort. The grounds were surrounded by an iron fence easily taller than the princess. From the fence to the main building was a large section of cleared, level stone. If this place wasn’t so gloomy it would be the perfect roller skate practice park.
The building itself had a single hint of decorum. Chiseled into the plain archway were the words ‘Luna’s School for Disadvantaged Youngsters.’ Underneath the subtitle labeled the school as “A Place for Second Chances.” The rest of the outside facade was darkened and irregular brick. On both floors, the windows were covered in bars.
Luna smiled at Cheerilee’s obvious shock. “Thou beholds the original Canterlot jailhouse, made to house only the most malicious malefactors and menaces.”
The teacher shivered. She tried to imagine what terrible deeds placed ponies inside these walls.
“Really, it only ever housed Claimjump Clem; he was arrested on 47 counts of sheep-napping, 121 counts of salting in public, 42 counts of dry-and-disorderly and 198 prison escapes.”
Cheerilee blinked several times. Is that Luna humor? Does Luna humor exist? Have pony scientists discovered it yet in the Large Fun Collider in Geneighva?
Luna smiled. “He had the most roguish hat.”
They walked up to the roughly hewn staircase under the arch. Past the entrance were two reclining young ponies. They had pieces of burning paper in their mouths, and were talking to each other as the smoke curled under the archway.
Cheerilee stopped. “Are they actually smoking hay on school grounds? My mom grounded me just for pretending to take a puff at a party once.”
Luna nodded. “So, go ask them where the principal is.”
The schoolmare blanched. “Really? Ask those two delinquents? Just trot over and ask for help?”
Luna began pushing the earth pony forward, royal hoof on Cheerilee’s flank. “Thou must begin somehow.” Well, time to get to know my new flowers. She walked through the shadowed arch for her first breath of haysmoke.
“Pardon me, students. Could you take me to the principal? I’m your new teacher.”
Two incredulous stares became braying laughter. “Hoi, miss, ‘e can’t get us into his office himself if ‘e asks us himself,” snorted out the peach-colored filly in the dark jacket. “What makes you think you can get us there?” She had a closely-shaved mane; one could only tell the chestnut shade that would have been by looking at her tail.
Cheerilee froze. She looked back at Luna. The Midnight Monarch’s facial expression was unreadable. That’s it. Try the ol' Nightmare Night tactic. Cue the intimidating smile.
“I’m sure you’ll reconsider. After all, I’m going to be your teacher. That means I’ll remember you when your name shows up on my rolls, especially since I’ll remember your cutie mark…”
A snort of anger came from the student. Cheerilee scanned her flank and realized she was the oldest blank flank she’d ever seen.
The indignant filly stopped moving. Her companion looked nervous. “Bomber, maybe we should go.”
The jacket-clad pony responded by blowing a cloud of smoke into her new teacher’s face. As the older mare went into a coughing fit, the younger mare walked away. “It’s down the hall, third door on the right ‘miss.’ I think you’ll find you’ve bought yer rump some trouble with the check yer mouth jest wrote.” As she left, she spit the smoking cigarette into Cheerilee’s cart. "An' learn to handle yer crabapples, lightweight."
Cheerilee watched them retreat casually into the school’s shadowed hall through her bleary smoke-filled eyes. She turned to Luna while still coughing. “That’s the student body? That’s who I have to teach? Those aren't flowers, they're weeds! That scary-clown-smile I used made Snips and Snails cry twice, and these fillies just stared me down. What kind of super-principal keeps a hoof on this place?”
The Princess smiled. “I have picked you because I believe you can give these young ne’er-do-wells the second chance that they deserve, the kind of chance I myself doubted I deserved. These fillies and colts have unplumbed depths to them. After all,” she said as she walked into the school, “ask thyself how a youth managed to obtain a leather jacket.”
Luna almost heard the gears in Cheerilee’s head grind to a halt.
“Butyourmajestythatcan’tbeleatherthere’sonlyonelegalwaytogetleatherinthekingdomand::GASP::LUNA COME BACK HERE!”
The princess nickered to herself and turned around to face Cheerilee once she went past the door. She gave an imperious look. The earth pony wondered if she had pushed it too far.
“Um…please?”
An amused raise of an eyebrow was the only response Luna had time for. The pair was interrupted by a corpulent pink-maned unicorn stallion in a fancy great coat. “Your Majesty, you have arrived at last! I assume this means the current assignment is ending forthwith.”
The Princess beamed in amusement. “Actually, Principal Placeholder, I deliver unto you Cheerilee of Ponyville. Thou art blest with a new teacher of great and accomplished arts. This new recruit I bequeath unto you here to enable your students.”
The vanilla-coated pony started to sweat. “Really, then? New recruits? I usually don’t get new resources and reinforcements. In fact, that speaks of a longer assignment. “
Luna nickered. “Indeed! I am hoping to extend the assignment. I adore reading your reports, and wish to see more.” Lightning flashed behind the alicorn for effect. Instead of the emphasis Luna hoped for, it only served to reduce Placeholder to a near blubbering wreck.
“Well, we…I must be leaving now. Please make mistress Cheerilee at home.”
Placeholder levitated a hoofkerchief across his damp brow. “Of course, your majesty.”
“Please remember, dear Placeholder, you are free to call me Luna.” She beamed with good cheer, whereas the principal merely approached nervous collapse. Luna turned around and began leaving the school.
“Wait!” Cheerilee galloped after the princess with barely restrained alarm. “This is the place? This is my new boss? And also leatherLeatherLEATHER!”
The alicorn regarded her with mirth. “Dearest Cheerilee. If I stole some of your journey of discovery from you, where would the fun be?”
With those words, Luna launched herself out of the archway into the sky above the courtyard. She gave a dramatic peal of laughter as she teleported away.
Cheerilee shook her head. She’s enjoying this way too much.
Principal Placeholder caught up with his newest employee. “Well, welcome to the staff! I hope you’ll be here a long time. Hopefully much longer than me!”
She turned with a quizzical expression on her face. Her eyebrows arched higher when she noticed his cutie mark consisted of a blank sign posted into the ground.
“So then, proper introductions a must! I’m Principal Placeholder. Been here six months. Very long time for me, that is. Before then I was the final Trottingham Volunteer Fire Chief, and previous to that the last head of the Appleloosa Opera House. I recently did a stint as the curator of the Stalliongrad museum. We closed that one with style!”
Dark suspicions grew in Cheerilee’s mind. “Let me get this straight. Your job is to fail at things?”
He looked stunned. “Of course not! Once things have already been run into the ground I perform the task of cleaning them out properly, putting them away gently, and shuffling the employees to their next assignment.” He laughed from nervous tension. “This is my longest assignment, actually. It’s absolutely terrifying,” he concluded with a cheerful nod.
Cheerilee cocked her head. “So, why are you still here, then? Why have I been hired to work under a professional…”
“My dear, I prefer to think of myself as an organizational custodian. I sweep up the mess.”
The earth pony smiled as she walked past him, “Well, you’re going to need a new job then, Principal Placeholder.”
He looked curiously at her retreating flank. “Why is that, my dear?”
She turned her head back, smiling wryly. “Because your fortune has just changed. I plan to give you your first success!”
He contemplated that for a second. “I’m glad you can keep a positive mindset. One question though, Miss Cheerilee.”
“Ask away! I’m totally ready for anything!”
“Why exactly is your cart on fire?”
Next Chapter: Celestia! More Luna! More Screwball! And we meet the staff!
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 3: Wild Wild Life
The crown hung heavy on the head of the immortal monarch of Equestria. Between bridge construction approval forms, colony proposals, and overtures from the griffin clans, the great goddess was distracted from her most pressing immediate concerns.
She was out of donuts. This could not be allowed.
This would be why Her Equestrian Majesty would be sneaking into her own kitchen before dinner. Of course, there would be no possible consequences for an omnipotent alicorn in her own empire. Instead, she knew her wait staff would be mortified for not providing the right amount of food. There would be no simple “Sorry, your majesty.” There would be bowing, prostrating, promises, and weeping. She just wanted sprinkles.
This is why Luna found Celestia sneaking down her own castle with a box of donuts in her mouth.
“Dearest Celly, I do not possess a clue as to how you remain so thin on your ample pastry binges.”
“Mmmph.”
Luna stared. “Horn.”
Celestia quickly levitated the box out of her mouth. Luna blinked and smiled as she started walking next to her sister. “You always forget your horn when you act suspicious.”
Celestia scanned the hallway for helpers while munching through delight wrapped in fried dough. “The horn light gives you away. That’s how Mom always caught you playing with the primordial soup, Woo-Woo. Also, moving heavenly bodies does great for my calorie count, so tonight is hereby declared Donut Night. That’s Royal Decree.”
Luna rolled her eyes as they entered the private sanctum. “You never use the nicknames around the staff, do you?” Celestia just smiled through the crumbs. “So, everything fine at the school, Woona?”
Luna’s could shrug off the friendly teasing, but her shoulders dropped from a heavier load. “I sent my teacher off with kind words and smiles. I hope she can find her way. She’s going into a new environment alone, without an interpreter. I know how difficult that is.”
The Sun Queen lay down next to her mounds of paperwork. “We can’t do everything for them, Luna. That steps on their free will. Something like Discord is our responsibility to equip them for; they have to fight their own daily battles. We have to let them make their own mistakes. Then, if you’re smart enough to have a system in place, you can get charming mail about all of their failures!” Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “How are my statues?”
Luna sighed, knowing her sister would soon suffer disappointment. “The sculpture of ‘Her Rearing Majesty’ is almost completely gutted. The only valuable part left was the tail.”
The narrowed eyes became wide as they filled with indignation. Celestia’s flailing angry hoof gestures knocked over the tin of donuts. “Seriously? That tail is mixed with important marble. It has glittergem coating. How much more do I have to trick it out before they take the stupid tail?” She snorted indignantly. “I can’t stick gold and gems in a tail.”
Luna shook her head. “Maybe you should just put a ‘steal me’ sign on it.”
“We’ve been through this; the townsfolk won’t accept charity and won’t adapt their business model or equipment. They just don’t stack up to a modern competitive market. What should I do, Luna? Order them to take my money? They’d rather abandon the town and start again in some backwoods with a worse household income.”
Celestia suddenly started grinning. “Well, we can afford another statue. I’ll just quadruple the Gala ticket prices. They’ll become eight times more desirable by the great and good and predictable, and we’ll sell out this year again. The only reason I still hold it is the charity fund raising in any case.”
Luna raised a hoof to her chin. “Sometimes I wonder why we still have a noble caste.”
Her sister gesticulated wildly with one of Pony Joe’s famous crullers. “Absolutely. We should just abandon the whole system of entitlement. Then,” she spat out through a mouth of glazing, “we retool the economy…”
The conversation was interrupted by an adviser galloping inside. “Your Majesties! There are reports of odd noises out in the statue garden. We were worried it might be.”
The two sisters rushed out of the window as one. The adviser wiped his brow as an outside guard walked in to close the window.
The guard turned back. “Isn’t tonight the usual date night in the gardens for Pearl Shell and Helm VanGreaves?”
The adviser pointed an emphatic hoof at the guard. “Yes, and that gives me plausible deniability to have heard weird noises in the garden. They’ll come back embarrassed in a half hour with thoughts of state-mandated revolution gone. Remember, every time they want to rewrite society, you interrupt them.” The aged councilor walked off. “Trust me, boy. Lifespan of stars, attention span of a gnat.” ___ The Old Canterlot constable paced down the street, eyes searching for salted miners. He thus failed to notice the shadowy figure carefully sneaking down the alley walking on its hooves.
The stealthy pony carefully scaled the wall of a nearby building. Looking out for other ponies, she crawled to the edge of the roof and took a flying leap with limbs outstretched. Landing in the back of the empty school yard, she broke into a variety of concealed dance moves. Standing on one hoof, she looked left and right. Suddenly downcast with the lack of judges and audience, she hung her head as she walked into a shrouded alcove.
At this time of day the hallways were empty, but not quiet. Behind most of the hallway doors a constant cacophony could be heard, like a diamond dog slam-dancing troupe in a glassware store. The lonely intruder decided to look for life; there would have to be company in one of these rooms. She decided to continue down the hall and trust her first impressions. Two aggravated teenage fillies started trotting down the hall toward one of the louder rooms. This was her chance!
“We’re gonna be more’n half late for class, Bomber!” The filly seemed more amused than worried. “”Why bother goin’? Placeholder won’t be checking the back field for another quarter hour.”
The shaved-headed and slightly-older filly cast a glance down the intersection. “Hardpick’s parents were having a go at each other last night. He was right peeved this morning. Meaning…?”
“Um.He’ll pick a fight with Mr. Glare?”
“And ‘ow’s that fight going to end? ‘bout how long will that take?”
The smaller green-coated pony with the pinkish mane suddenly smiled. She waved her hoof at her friend, begging her to continue the line of logic. I love it when Bomber puts things together, thought Luster Shinebrick.
“So we wait...”
Bomber was interrupted by a gigantic muscular youth exploding out of a classroom door. The grey-skinned colt bolted out of the room, heading for the back field with tears in his eyes. As his hooves clattered away, the girls heard a voice lecturing in aggravated offense.
“…and after I spent so many bits setting this up. Come on class; let’s try to get through this. Spadeshaft! Get that out of your mouth immediately! We need that for the mixture. “
The two young mares nickered. “See what I said, Shiny? We haven’t missed the good part yet. We’ll ditch the horn-head today.” Bomber cantered into class.
“…and you, Ms. Jacket! Forty-five minutes late today. That’s your third tardy in a week. I have to tell your uncle now, you know.”
Luster shook her head as she stood in the hallway where she assumed she was alone.
“There’s a good part?”
She walked into the door, leaving the stealthy filly alone and hiding behind the water fountain. She was confused. None of the new ponies had come over to say hello to her. She gritted her teeth. This was unacceptable. This day was going to end well for her, end of story. She clopped her front hooves together hard enough to make sparks, did three back flips in a row, and started galloping down the hall. Every instinct in her body told her a better life was behind the door she charged through. ___ “You’ll be our fourth teacher on staff, Cheerilee. We’ve had a few Literature teachers in the past few years. Never stuck around. Had one sub for four years, I heard. When I came on board they had replaced him with some goofy stallion from Trotland, but that didn’t last long.”
Cheerilee listened attentively as she walked down the noisy hallway. Literature! This’ll be fun after all. We’ll read “The Manticore’s Paw” and “The Most Dangerous Race” and more. I can deal with this.
She became aware of the relentless sounds behind every room. “The students sound very excited! What kind of special activities are we doing to make them sound like that?”
Placeholder made slight clicking sounds with his tongue as he opened the first door on his left. “They’re doing whatever activity these students have decided to follow today.”
Cheerilee’s eyes lit up. “Independently guided learning! I was trying that with my students near the end. Everyone chooses their own point of interest at their own rate.”
Placeholder raised his eyebrows quizzically as he held the door open for the mare. “My dear, I said activities. I’d never bring myself to call it learning.” Cheerilee tried to digest this as she followed him through the threshold.
She nearly slipped as she entered the paper-filled disaster area. To her right was a white Pegasus mare with gleaming metallic-shaded yellow hair. She peered cheerfully through horn-rimmed glasses at the two adult ponies behind a very tall desk. Those piles of math texts on her desk almost look like they’ve been used as a wall.
The middle of the room was mostly empty of desks. The desks had all been huddled in the back of the room in a chaotic mess from which students held court. Separating the lustrous-haired schoolmare and her boisterous mass of students was a paper-filled no-mare’s-land. Wadded-up balls formed the bulk of the easily two-hoof-tall mass, but Cheerilee could make out a variety of other shapes. Folded fortune-telling devices, paper planes, and neighnja stars accentuated a pile topped by an elegant origami of a hydra and a mare, performing activities that seemed biologically implausible.
“Hello!” The besieged mare smiled, ignoring a paper dart that bounced off the textbook fort. You must be the new lit teacher. A pleasure to meet you!”
Her new co-worker extended an unsteady hoof. Cheerilee could tell the mare was genuinely happy to see her; the shaking seemed to be nerves. It spiked with every loud noise and peal of laughter from the other side of the class. Her wings defensively flapped out to shield her from some imagined threat at every loud sound.
“Golden Ratio, at your service. I run the math program here. It’s good to get another mare into the building.”
Well, she seems friendly at least. “I’m Cheerilee from Ponyville. I’m glad to be here in Luna’s Academy.” Cheerilee looked past her new co-worker to a blackboard filled with filled with intricate equations and figures. Cheerilee appraised them with a smile. “Those are some excellent supplementary angle problems. That’s about as far as we get in geometry from where I come from. You’ve picked some good numbers for the students to work with.”
The pale pony smiled wildly as she flapped a few feet into the air. “Thanks!” She turned to look at the previously quiet principal, giving Cheerilee a clear view of a triangle cutie mark made of three rulers. “Placeholder lets me come early in the morning to get my work done. Since our funding is being lowered, he also made sure that we’re kept in workbooks.“
The principal merely bowed his head low at the praise, narrowly dodging a hail of crumpled paper. “Shouldn’t you put some of those workbooks to work, then?”
Ratio nodded with melancholy. She picked up a small pile of books off of her desk, and flung them at the students in the back. The young ponies gleefully divvied up the paper. One light-blue girl with pen in teeth started making a list of eligible young colts on the inside cover. Next to her two colts drew a crowd as they gripped a workbook with their teeth and proceeded to tear it apart like a wishbone. A smaller colt to the side began mechanically reducing his book to identical looking paper balls.
Cheerilee just stood still, her mouth hanging open in shock. This lasted the few seconds it took for a paper dart to bounce off of her top lip. She turned to the two adult ponies, sucking her throbbing lip.
“Dere destohying the buhks!” She let her smarting bottom lip go. “You need to stop them!”
Golden Ratio gave a wan, heartbroken smile. Placeholder shook his head, smiling. “My dear Cheerilee, when this place is closed down those books won’t help anyone. I doubt they’ll be transferred to any other school. We might as well use them; after all, we have a budget. Point of order, we have enough of a budget to keep the little miscreants in mathematical art supplies until our most likely shut down date.”
Cheerilee stared at him hard. “Is this place just a jail mixed with a paper shredder?” She pointed at the board. “Ms. Ratio’s obviously putting hard work into her daily Do Nows and lesson questions.”
Placeholder sat on his haunches with a sardonic smile. “She is blessed with a bounteous supply of optimism, one trait with which I am not blinded. I don’t care whether she draws equations or pictures of Princess Luna in socks playing tennis. As long as her students don’t kill each other or wander the halls, the school is content.”
He turned to the metallic-haired mare. “Miss Ratio, I’ll be retiring to my office to get a jump on last week's paperwork. Since you have planning next period, would you mind showing her around?” Placeholder started walking out before she could give an answer.
“I’d love to, but I was hoping to get some lesson planning down today. I have to work on our chapter test for the next unit.”
He smiled as if humoring a child trying to dig to Chineigh. “That’s wonderful, Miss Ratio. Give her a lovely tour.” His horn glowed as he closed the door behind him.
Golden Ratio quivered at the obvious dismissal. She started to stand in front of the desks and address her class. “My students, I may have to move the test a few days up, maybe not until…” She suddenly stopped, lifting her hoof to cover her eyes and her wings against her side. She flinched as a parade of paper products besieged her.
Okay, this is too far.
“All of you, stop it!” Cheerilee placed herself in front of the assault aimed at the math teacher. “This is no way to treat a teacher!”
Her raised voice barely registered against the noise. She stood there, an equestrian shield against the volley. The ringing of the bell ended the skirmish. The students kicked their desks out of the way to the door, leaving the furniture scattered in a random pile.
The only ponies left in the room were the seething Cheerilee and the surprised Pegasus behind her. “Listen, I have no idea why Placeholder isn’t doing something about that. You deserve more support from your administration.”
Ratio smiled the first true smile Cheerilee had seen. She extended a steadier hoof than before. “I appreciate the sentiments. Call me Goldy. I’ll tidy up and we’ll meet the rest of the crew.”
---
It took most of the period to get the paper. Cheerilee felt like Sisyfur rolling a boulder up the hill; she was certain it would look the same by the end of next period. Still, she wanted to make a good impression on her new co-worker. As they crossed the hall, Cheerilee once again heard a terrible din in the next classroom. This time, however, the tone was different. Goldy’s class had been a constant roar; this sounded more like a single voice drowned out by heckling. She was reminded of the magician who came through Ponyville a few months ago.
It was too bad she left so soon; I was hoping to have her speak to the kids.
She entered a room where the students sat on desks around the edges of the room. They surrounded a pony that Cheerilee could only think of as “the Ringmaster.” The entire room looked setup to be his performing area. She wondered where the student labspace was.
The teacher who was valiantly struggling trying to capture the class’s attention was a light red earth pony in a stained and well-worn lab coat. His yellow mane with orange streaks was tangled up in the stretchy band of his green safety goggles. Standing on his back legs, his hooves moved over a chaotic mess of tubing and beakers which was filled with a variety of bubbling chemicals. The lab coat was opened, revealing the image of a shooting rocket across his flank.
Goldy was smiling and shaking her head as if watching a familiar train wreck. Cheerilee leaned in to whisper. “Does he know they aren’t paying attention?”
Goldy shook her head as she examined the chaos. “Red does this out of love, but he has rose-colored safety goggles.”
“So, a little bit of saltpeter should do us right! Mix in some crushed blackstone pebble dust and some scales from a…” He turned to one of the students. “Railrunner, what scales do you use for a primary explosion?” He smiled like an expectant stage magician.
An older colt with a mining cart on his flank was busy chatting up some fillies. He turned to the teacher, rolling his eyes. “Dragon!”
Red Glare waved a hoof. “Cave lizard, but that’s a close evolutionary guess. Okay, once I move this around we’re ready for the demonstration. Brightlight, which one of Neighton’s Laws of Motion governs what’s going to happen?”
“Third!”
As Mr. Glare smiled and nodded, Goldy shook her head. She leaned in close to Cheerilee. “That’s the only one they ever guess; Red hasn’t noticed yet.”
“So class, we shake it all together, get it ready, and watch the meniscus level closely.” The science-stallion looked up in anticipation. He started to say something when he noticed the two teachers in his audience. “Miss Ratio? To what do we owe the honor…”
His eyes moved to the fuchsia pony to Goldy’s right. Cheerilee was smiling in polite anticipation; she always enjoyed the science demonstrations in her own school, and this one was much more elaborate than her old materials allowed.
“Hello fellow! Well, not fellow. You’re definitely not a fellow! I mean, you’re a fellow teacher! You’re here to teacher things to us. I mean THEM; not me. Hello!” He giggled nervously.
“Hello Mister Glare, and hello class. I’m your new literature teacher. What are you teaching today?”
Red kept eye contact with Cheerilee while moving around the mass of beakers on his acid-pitted demonstration table. “Chemistry. We have chemistry. In class today; I mean that’s the subject”
He seems a little…spastacular. “Is it supposed to be bubbling like that?”
The students all turned their attention to the center once they heard the familiar phrase; this was the part worth paying attention to. Red Glare quickly checked the well-worn joints on his apparatus. “Um, Miss Literature? I mean, that’s not your name, but what is your name? I mean, move!”
-----
Cheerilee ducked to the side as the contraption shot off a stream of multicolored liquid; Golden Ratio knew what to expect from Red and had already subconsciously moved out of the blast. The jet of noxious goo barely missed the two schoolmares. A few flecks of ooze dropped off the ceiling onto Cheerilee. She quickly lifted a leg to cover the splash that would have hit her eyes. She sighed with relief a second before a large glob crashed into her mane.
“Eww! Gag me! What is this crud?” She started attacking her hair with her hooves. “This looks disgusting!”
Red Glare appeared at her side in nanoseconds with a roll of paper towels. “No, it looks good. Your hair was already like cotton candy; you’ve just got a new flavor!” He started wiping her mane, but only succeeding in sticking several paper towels to her hair.
She narrowed her eyes and growled. “Does this stuff come out?” Red Glare backpedaled nervously.
“Certainly! I mean, it should! I mean, I’ve never checked. I think I have some industrial solvent here.” The fuchsia pony seemed to be almost emitting smoke from her ears. She was holding back a scream of frustration when the bell rang.
“Hey, everypony! Remember to turn in your worksheets on the demonstration!” The students heedlessly filed out at high speed. Worksheets left on desks were sucked into the air by the wind; most of the note sheets had only one or two sentences written on them or were already on the floor. “I hope you wrote down your homework!”
Cheerilee was breathing in and out rapidly as Glare approached her. He carried a bottle of glowing green liquid in his mouth, and dropped it on a desk in front of her. “Zebra cleaner! Promises to get even the hardest stains out of upholstery!“ He extended a hoof. “Red Glare, science!”
She walked slowly closer; if glares could geld, this one would. “You call this science? You nearly BLINDED me with ‘science’!” As she advanced, the nervously grinning Glare was pushed against the back wall.
Cheerilee was angry for a variety of r easons. The waste of paper in this room irritated her. She was struck by the injustice between Red Glare’s lab and her own simple one back in Ponyville. This clown had a stocked equipment cabinet lab, and he wasted it dangerously. Finally, there was the slightly burning irritation on the back of her neck.
She elegantly condensed all of these competing emotions into a single burst of fury. She screamed right into Red Glare’s face. “LAB SAFETY!” On that note, she turned and trotted out of the room.
Goldy gave Red an understanding smile. “Sorry that didn’t go as well, Red. You lesson was…impressive. I’m sure she’ll come around.” She patted his head as the dejected science pony sat on his haunch. “My planning’s over; I have to go."
Red Glare watched his coworker leave. Between the earlier argument with Hardpick and this debacle, he thanked Celestia that his planning had just started. He gave a glance to the long suffering class mop, held together by duct tape and hope. “Why don’t ponies understand my intentions?”
____
Cheerilee’s head and temper cooled under cold water. She flipped her mane back, and then dunked her head into the teacher’s lounge sink again.
At least, this looks like a teacher’s lounge. There was a couch, but also a collection of mops, buckets, and cleaning supplies. Next to the coffee machine was a mysterious sign that said ‘Rocks: 2 for 1.’
Red Glare carefully crept into the room behind her. I can make a good second impression! She’ll remember that. After all, that’s chronologically closer than the first. He walked up to her carefully. Wonder why she’s in the sink?
His thought suddenly processes grinding to a halt. Cheerilee suddenly pushed her hooves onto either side of the sink, flipping her mane backwards into the air. The water cascaded everywhere, running down her shoulders and onto her back and the floor. The effect was so perfect that forever afterward Red maintained that he saw the whole thing in heart-stopping slow motion.
His mind left on pause, he was unable to move when Cheerilee turned and bumped into the pony that had unwittingly silently snuck up on her. She shrieked as she bumped into Red Glare, who was staring like a parasprite at a candy store. Cheerilee stared daggers at the rapidly deflating science teacher. “Take a picture, creep. Maybe Photo Finish will pay you for it.
The schoolmare walked out of the room, snorting. Red stepped over to the sink, placed his hooves on both sides, carefully inserted his head and turned on the freezing water.
_____
The disgruntled earth mare tramped down the hall with aggravation. What is that guy’s problem? Can’t I get more than one sane co-worker?
She stopped in front of the northwest classroom door. There were sounds inside the room, but not at the same decibel level as the others. Maybe this one will be better. It’d be hard to be worse than the science teacher. He’s just like that old pony in that book by Nabotrot; both creepy and surrounded by teenage fillies. Mental note; don’t stand so close to him.
Entering the room warily, she saw a stunning sight. The room was filled with students working! They were actually sitting at orderly desks, scribbling away with textbook and worksheet while the teacher captivated their attention.
“So, that’s when my Uncle Forsythe took the bottle, flipped it around in his hoof, and looked the chimera right in the eye. He was gonna knock that stupid hat right off.”
The teacher was comfortably sprawled over his desk. The dark green unicorn had a huge brown mustache, and his horn protruded from a curly ball of blue hair with brown patches. He perked up as Cheerilee walked into the room.
“Hey there! Welcome to the party, pal. Globe Trotter, social studies, at your service.” He came out from behind the desk and gave a little bow.
Finally, I find a gentlecolt.
Cheerilee made her way through the classroom. “It’s a pleasure, Mr. Trotter. I’m glad to see a friendly face in this place.” Mr. Trotter waved his hoof dismissively. “Oh, don’t worry about our little ‘minehogs.’ They got good hearts if you motivate them.” He walked behind the desk, telekinetically rifling through what sounded like a mass of odd objects.
Cheerilee beamed. “Totally! I had to work had to find the right amount of praise and privileges for my students.”
Her voice trailed off as Mr. Trotter’s horn held a glowing bucket of candy over the class. “Hey everypony! Who’s finished?” He shook a mass of sugar big enough to make Pinkie proud over the heads of his class.
Cheerilee gaped as the expectant teens waved papers in the air in Mr. Trotter’s direction. One shorter colt waved his paper eagerly into the air. “Oooh! Oooh! Ooooh! Ooooh! I got this and the next one done, Mr. Trotter!”
The unicorn teacher beamed. “Great work, Horseshack!” He threw hooffuls of candy in the colt’s direction. It showered the on the desks like Maredi Gras beads.
Well, that’s a little unorthodox. I guess it could work with the right reinforcement.
Cheerilee wandered over to a nearby student’s desk. The student was nearly done with a double-sided worksheet.
“Oh, the Winter Revolution! I love that part of history; so tragic. So, what you tell me about Stalliongrad history? Trotsky and the Foalsheviks?”
The spiked-haired mare shrugged. “Hay if I know.”
Cheerilee looked at the stack of completed papers on the desk. What is this I don’t even…
“Hold on a sec, young miss. You’ve finished an entire chapter of work and you can’t tell me anything?”
Cheerilee peered at the workbook. Frowning, she noticed that it was written on a very low reading level. In fact, the questions were literally the identical sentences in the textbooks with words replaced with blanks. I could train a monkey to fill this out.
“You’ve actually filled out ten pages of work and you don’t know anything about the subject at all?”
The young mare looked offended. “Hey, up your nose with a rubber hose! I’m an ‘A’ student in here!”
Half of Fluttershy’s pets would be one, too.
Cheerilee looked backwards at Mr. Trotter. He was gesturing wildly with one hoof. “So, if you finish the chapter review, I’ll tell you about the time my cousin Norbert and I were in Haygas.”
The class gave a little cheer. Mr. Trotter raised his eyebrows and telekinetically wiggled his chalk in front of his face in triumph. He stopped when he heard the slamming door close.
I guess she’s got somewhere to be. It’s not like there’s much more she could see here. He levitated a lollipop into his mouth. It’d be easy for her to tell who’s best pony in this school, after all.
______
Cheerilee kicked her cart forcefully into her classroom. Without even taking a look around, she threw herself backwards, leaning against the wall. Covering her eyes with her leg, she knew how much she had to look like Rarity in the middle of a pity party. She gave no bucks.
A baby-sitter! That’s who I’m paired with. I have a glorified babysitter, a demure target, and a walking disaster area! I’d go to the principal for help if he actually cared. How am I supposed to actually inspire anyone in this place?
She closed her eyes as the tears started to come. She spent several seconds quietly quivering against the door before the silence was broken.
“Me am not happy to see you either! Me knew if me waited here no one would come!”
Cheerilee jumped at the sound. She realized that she wasn’t alone in the darkened classroom. Terrified, she yanked down the nearby window curtain with her teeth. Cheerilee looked through bleary eyes to see the familiar light purple young mare with the beanie staring at her. The odd figure was beaming.
“Screwball sad! The friends have not arrived!”
Next Chapter: Where did this mysterious backwards mare come from? Will Cheerilee actually manage to stay awake through Placeholder’s morning meeting? Join us for everypony’s favorite teacher and her first day of class at Luna’s School for Disadvantaged Youngsters!
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 4: Under Pressure
Notice: I make no legal claims on any of these Hasbro characters. This is not done for profit; fanart would be nice, though.
We were young; We were free… The new schoolmare of Ponyville smiled professionally as she stood on the steps of the Ponyville schoolhouse. Inside Miss Scribbles’ head she was screaming.
Please let something end this tirade; a manticore, a volcano, or asteroids are all welcome.
“I can’t understand how her parents could let her roam in public! She’s a little monster. Did you know she was also fighting in the market yesterday?”
Scribbles nodded politely as Cloud Kicker’s mother complained at a breakneck pace. She realized it was about time for her to speak again.
“I’m sorry your daughter had to be involved in this,” she commiserated. “You know I don’t encourage this among the kids. Believe me; I’ll talk to the filly’s parents.”
That is if they’re even in town right now. Scribbles checked her mental calendar. They spend half of their time in Canterlot; is this the week?
It took more them a few repetitions of promises, but thanks to Scribbles' promises Wind Sheer left in a more relaxed huff. I’m glad that’s over. The rookie schoolmare was exhausted, dropping down on her haunches. It had been a long day. Even when a class worked with her, the organized chaos of art activities kept her on her hooves. After a few merciful seconds of inactivity, she stood up to look for Lyra.
The sun was close to setting, but Cheerilee was in no hurry to go home. She was almost out of the oldest schoolhouse class; she was basically an adult in her own mind. Her parents lived down the block, and they were used to her helping out at school. She reminded herself to get her Colty Hart record back from Miss Scribbles now that the blackboard was clean and the books were organized. It’s not a bad deal. I get my music back, her class is cleaned, and my parents never know I’m bringing records to school. Cool day for everypony.
Or not, she thought. A mint-green filly was sitting on the school steps. Cheerilee had no idea how her classmate could do that; her back looked cracked out of all shape. She’s going to be some gnarly circus performer when she grows up I bet. Cheerilee hadn’t spent much time with the new unicorn student. Lyra’s parents had just moved into Ponyville from out of town. She knew the Ponyville parents talked about them a lot, but Cheerilee never quite managed to hear the juicy grown-up rumors.
“Hey, Lyra! What’re you doing at school so late?”
The unicorn made slow and steady eye contact. She had a simmering anger just hiding behind her gaze. She looks like she’d buck the Mare in the Moon in the teeth just for staring.
“I’m waiting for my parents to come pick me up.” Her voice was flat and unemotional.
“Well, I guess I am too. You look like you could use the company.”
Lyra merely gestured with one hoof to the nearby step. Cheerilee tried to sit the way her classmate sat, to humorous and painful results. She slipped off the step sideways into a pile of frizzy hair and checkerboard scarves. Lyra chuckled while Cheerilee sputtered through her braces.
Okay, let’s play that off. I meant to do that.
“Oh, sitting that way is so uncomfortable. I might as well reposition myself. How’s it going?”
The unicorn shrugged. She stared straight ahead.
Not very communicative today, is she? “Lyra, I want to know what you’re thinking. There’s some things you can’t hide. Did something happen with Cloud Kicker? Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Lyra’s eyes glazed over a second. Cheerilee shivered at the intensity. “She doesn’t like me. Neither do her friends. I’m not ‘her kind of pony,’ so they let me know it whenever they can.”
The fuchsia-coated teen scratched her chin. “Is it the whole noble thing? I know your family may have issues in Canterlot, but that’s a bogus reason to dump on a pony.”
Lyra smiled. “It’s not that.” She sighed. “It’s…”
“Hold it! Don’t care.”
Lyra’s mouth hung open. “What?”
Cheerilee beamed. “I don’t give a horse apple. You’re fun, that last play showed you have a great ear for music, and you always share your lunch with Sparkler ‘cause her Mom can’t afford much. Whatever they think is lame, and I don’t need to know. ”
Lyra smiled wider than Cheerilee had ever seen. Miss Scribbles, watching the pair while hiding behind a tree, felt her eyes tearing up.
“So, when are your parents getting here, Lyra?”
The young mint mare slumped forward. “Tomorrow I think. Until then, I’ll stay here. Cloud Kicker is probably waiting for me with friends on the way home.”
Cheerilee frowned. “You could come dancing with me tonight. My friends and I are meeting up later.”
Lyra shook her head. “Is Cloud Kicker in that group?”
The earth pony filly’s gears finally clicked in her head. Lyra started to look dejected again.
Cheerilee made a quick decision and struck a dramatic pose. “Nopony says at school overnight while I’m here! I know a totally excellent path through Woodywind Meadows. There are some radical carnivorous plants there to see, and you should get home before night.”
Lyra stood up. “But your friends are waiting for you.”
Cheerilee cut her off with a flourishing hoof wave. “All my friends go dancing with me or none at all! You should be able to dance if you want to. If you want to dance and my ‘friends’ won’t dance then they’re no friends of mine. Let’s take you home.”
Lyra embraced the earth pony unexpectedly. Cheerilee could feel her shaking. She held Lyra at hooves reach and looked into her eyes. “Lyra, I have no idea why they pick on you, but we go off to secondary school at the end of the year. Cloud Kicker goes back to Cloudsdale. This situation doesn’t last; whatever it is, it gets better.”
Miss Scribbles smiled as the two young mares started heading to Lyra’s house. I’ll have to remember to also give her the Colts Without Hats album back tomorrow; she deserves it.
The teenage fillies were now just barely visible over a hill. Cheerilee had used some of the chalk dust from cleaning as face paint to draw lines on both of their cheeks. She still could hear them sing as they skipped to the meadow.
“I’m the dandy highwaymare that you’re afraid to mention!”
Scribbles smiled. That’s one lucky unicorn. I don’t think Cheerilee could stand to see people wallow in unhappiness. If any pony needs a little inspiration, she’s got it. She nodded with sudden insight. You know, maybe I’ll suggest she tries out as a teacher for career day. It just might stick. Any needy student that showed up in her class would have found the right place.
Miss Cheerilee the schoolteacher stared at the light lavender teenage filly. She was seated and smiling, but the teacher was still ill at ease. The schoolmare couldn’t stop staring at the spiraling shapes the young filly had as pupils. This is weird. On a scale of one to ten, this is weirdness turned up to eleven.
Oh, well. I’ve had strange students before. “Hello miss! I’m your new literature teacher. I think you’re a little early.”
“Me find friends here! Me are not supposed to. You pretty red lady not from the stone people field!” The young girl looked at Cheerilee with a mix of awe and gratitude. “Me owe nothing to you.”
Okay, I can handle this. Cheerilee put on her ‘I’m not fazed’ smile. The mailmare’s daughter had a speech problem. She paused in thought. We don’t have a student exceptionalities specialist in this school, do we?
“So, I’m not asking you to leave, but why are you in my class?” Cheerilee frowned. “If you’re skipping class, I’ll have to talk to your parents.
Screwball became quieter. “Me have lots of parents. Me have all the parents.”
Cheerilee brow furrowed. “Look, why are you here?”
Screwball smiled, shook her head to make silly lip noises, then cartwheeled over to the teacher’s desk. She scrunched her face in concentration. Cheerilee became worried; the young mare was visibly sweating after a few seconds, and looked exhausted. She grabbed a stack of ancient papers left ungraded by the former teacher, and threw them into the air. Quickly using scotch tape to affix scissors to her right hoof, she raised both forelimbs and started wildly crane-kicking the cloud of papers.
What the HAY is going on? Is this the sign of serious mental issues or an interpretive dance?
Cheerilee readied herself. She assumed this was the time to break out the ‘well done!’ speech. Whether one of Silver Spoon’s posh macaroni monstrosities or a reading of Snips' ‘Commander Star Stallion’ stories, Cheerilee was well-practiced at finding something good to say about the bizarre patchwork of children. She was about to start when the first paper figure landed.
WOW. Socks. Blown. OFF.
It was Discord; Screwball had kicked into existence a perfect origami Discord. The figure stood on its own and was nine inches tall. He perfectly landed on his paper feet.
Oh boy. How does this relate to me? It can’t possibly…
The schoolmare stopped thinking. Screwball had set up an elaborate display of Cheerilee and her class.
How can I be involved in this? Cheerilee had lost any interest in talking. She stared in rapt attention.
Screwball carefully tiphoofed over to the desk. She looked at Cheerilee for approval. The schoolmare nodded. Screwball began moving the figures with her hooves. The paper teacher was shaken at the paper children, as if she was talking. The Cutie Mark Crusader puppets began turning on each other.
Okay, I know this part.
The strange pony moved all the paper ponies away from the discord statue cut-out. She then flicked the image of the Draconequus. It unfurled, going from the static statue image Cheerilee remembered to a figure of a triumphant Discord with fists in the air.
How does she know this?
Screwball began carefully unfolding the Discord paper. It became a triumphantly larger gesturing Discord, and a paper doll of Screwball fell out. Screwball inched away from the desk. She gave a nervous Cheerilee a worried look and backed up to another desk.
“See. Screwball perfectly normal.” Screwball’s smile was heartbreakingly fragile.
Cheerilee slammed the administration office door open. Principal Placeholder almost dropped his levitating coffee mug over a desk full of reports. “Miss Cheerilee, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He stared at the teen that was nervously hiding from him behind the schoolmare.
“I need to register a student.”
Placeholder’s eyebrows raised leisurely. “Normally admissions are handled during morning office hours. Realistically, since we’re closing down, I don’t see…”
Two hooves deliberately clopped onto his desk. An angry fuchsia face with fiery eyes leaned in close to the surprised principal. “I need an admission form. You’re going to give it to me.”
Placeholder gave a tiger’s smile. He levitated a form out in front of Cheerilee. “Certainly,” he said while wiping his brow. “Just check his or her address. Do they live in Old Canterlot?”
Cheerilee put the form on a desk, looking for a pen to chomp down on. “She does now.”
Placeholder set his mouth into a grim smile. “Her address checks out, I assume? This wonderful child who brings chaos to my office lives in Old Canterlot?”
Cheerilee thought quickly. “Yeah, she’s staying at the…living room?”
Placeholder looked incredulous. The schoolmare sighed. In for a bit, in for a bag. “She’s in my living room. Screwball is my niece.” Her eyes guiltily looked from side to side.
Placeholder snorted. “The poor foal is named Screwball?”
Okay, I’m warming up to this. This is fun. “She’s a natural baseball pitcher. Her parents sent her here to try to get into the Canterlot Cavaliers Junior Training Camp.” Bring it on. I can run with this. I’m better than Applejack; let’s see where this goes. “She’s got a baseball mitt she wants autographed from her late uncle who was killed in a foulball accident.”
The unicorn was relieved, showing no signs of having heard about the family tragedy. “That actually makes sense. Family business explains why you’d disturb my office space in a completely disrespectful manner. I honestly wouldn’t accept any other reason for your insolence.” He beamed at her. Cheerilee smiled nervously.
“So, you’re Cheerilee’s family apparently, little one?”
The young teen flicked her purple and white tail back and forth with excitement. This was backwards; she understood it perfectly. She knew she had to play along.
“Cheerilee is me family! Me…”she stopped. mE TrY a liTTle HaRdEr. Her brow scrunched up; a drop of blood came unnoticed out of her nose. “We have many relatives; we’ve seventeen aunts and thirteen uncles in all, not to mention my fifth cousin sixty-seven times removed! There’s so many people related to me. I’m with her family!” She was breathing heavily at the end, like an athlete after the Running of the Leaves.
Placeholder chuckled. “Careful with this little one, miss; she’s a spitfire. Get her papers filled out and let her rest; she’s got the shakes and a nosebleed. I’d hate for her to be sick. After all, you’ve both got your first day of class tomorrow.”
Cheerilee’s mouth moved quickly as she deftly completed the paperwork. Letting the pencil drop, she smiled. “No problem, boss.” She gave a quick hoofed salute. She pulled Screwball out into the hallway. Once she was out of sight of the Principal she gave a huge breath of relief.
Well, that worked so far. I hope I don’t regret this.
Screwball smiled at her. “Now me walk away?”
Cheerilee gave a weak smile. “Let’s grab something from the lunchroom and head to my room. I’ve got to setup, and you’re going to help. After all, as my lodger you have to pay me back somehow.” She put up a front of confidence as she walked back to her room.
Screwball pushed her front hooves together nervously as she sat on her haunch. “Don’t worry, Cheerilee,” she said at almost a whisper. “Me sure nothing will get screwed up.” The nervous filly walked after her ‘aunt.’
Now that the schoolmare could concentrate on her class, she started sweating. The place was a mess. Barely written-on assignments overflowed off of crowded cabinets. Her bulletin board was filled with pencil jammed in with force. The blackboard was crammed with scribbles, obscene writings, and the large message ‘Hope you get deported, Mister McGregor!’ The windows were sealed with planks nailed up helter-skelter around the room, looking like a final defense erected against the zombie pony apocalypse.
Well, it’s definitely a fixer-upper. I have a lot of profanity-filled boards that will clean off quite nicely. The furniture’s varied enough for a few class configurations; I can work with this. Cheerilee started to move the desks around when the lack of light started to bother her.
“Screwball, help me get the nailed-up boards from off the windows.” Outside-looking windows increase student performance according to Equestrian Educator Magazine.
Cheerilee screeched from an explosion behind her. Turning around she was greeted by a smiling Screwball standing on a four-foot tall pile of wooden boards cut into identical shapes. Sawdust settled in the air around her. A single board leaned against the wall, dozens of nails imbedded in the pattern of Cheerilee dancing with a butterfly.
Red Glare stuck his head inside the door. “Everypony okay in here? I’m only asking because it sounds like my class instead of yours.” He smiled hopefully.
Cheerilee turned her back on him to work on the desks. “You’ve never seen my class, Mr. Glare.”
He nervously giggled. “Well, time to immerse myself, then. When can I chip in? What needs moving?”
The schoolmare turned to give Glare one of his namesakes. “I don’t need anything broken, exploded, or slimed. Your help, while appreciated, is not needed.”
He scratched a hoof behind his neck. “Right, right. Well, I could get you a drink from the break room, then? Bring you a cup, get you ice?”
His eyes looked around and settled on Cheerilee. She shook her head. That’ll go right to my rump.
“Me totally don’t need a soda right now! Not cherry at all!” Screwball was jumping up and down on the planks.
Glare gave a hoofs-up and he trotted away. “Right away, strange little lady.”
Cheerilee snorted as she shook her head. That guy… Screwball jumped up. “Him am unkind and hostile and skinflint!”
Cheerilee nodded as she hung up the blackboard paper. “I’m with you on the first two at least, but I haven’t…” Her eyes widened. Turning around, she said “Screwball, you meant all those things?” The filly nodded. “Screwball, you don’t have a headache right now, do you?”
The teen filly nodded. “Of course!”
The bright red stallion walked back into the room with his head respectfully bowed like a royal courtier. He placed it in front of Screwball and bowed. “Your drink, Madam, presented…”
The effect was spoiled as he knocked a stack of textbooks off the desk and sent the bottle flying. Cheerilee failed to stifle a giggle as Red hit his head on the desk looking for the bottle. He gave the bottle to the amused filly with as much gravitas as he could muster. “Your, um, your now very fizzy bottle, my lady…” His eyebrows rose questioningly.
“Screwball!” The filly clapped with delight as Red began straightening his mess.
“Well, little Screwy, in deference to your…” Red cocked his head at Cheerilee with concealed trepidation.
She raised one eyebrow. “Aunt.”
He spread a grin of relief. “Well then, in deference to your auntie I take my leave. Adieu, dear lady.” He bumped into a desk as he backed out, but mostly concealed the pain.
Cheerilee looked sideways at Screwball. “Unkind?”
Screwball nodding while drinking the soda, “Me Screwy!”
Cheerilee swung open her new apartment door with as much force as she could. Oh boy. She collapsed onto the couch. Not nearly enough done, but we’ll get there early tomorrow. She gently moaned as she rubbed her back on the couch. At least Her Majesty got me good furnishings.
Screwball tugged the cart into the room with effort. “Let’s do that again.” She lay down on the floor next to the couch.
Cheerilee rolled onto her side. “No, Screwball. There’s a thing ‘round here. Bed-thing. You lie on it.” Her eyes shut as she passed out. Soon the only sound in the room was a snore-filled duet.
Two yellow eyes glowed in from the window. “Ah, isn’t that adorable?” A low deep chuckling rang out. “She’s even drooling!”
The sound of landlady Miss Bungalow’s walker started to advance toward Cheerilee’s house. “Miss Cheerilee? I heard that!” The aged mare hobbled down the stairs to the schoolmare’s apartment at the end of the alley. She turned the corner of the alley and presented herself at its entrance. “No menfolk on the premises after sunset!” She stared down the corridor.
Nope, s’all there. Left-side, garbage cans. Right-side doors. Backside thirty-hoof tall wall. She sniffed. Where could that voice have gone to in such a hurry?
As she walked nervously back to her apartment, she swore she heard the chuckling again. Miss Bungalow whispered a few prayers in the moon’s direction as she shut her front door.
A high-pitched screaming sent Cheerilee off the couch onto the prostrate form of Screwball. The groggy filly shook her head free of sleep funk.
“Ugh. Sorry, Screwy.” Great, now he’s got me doing it. Wait, what time did I set the alarm? Clop, did I set the alarm?
Cheerilee walked over to the cuckoo clock. She looked hard at the cuckoo. “You woke me up at half past six?”
The cuckoo nodded with pride. He quickly grabbed part of her first-day packet from her cart and presented it to her. Class starts at eight. “So we have almost two hours?”
The cuckoo nodded once, and then struck a diligent salute. He was immediately sent flying backwards by the force of Cheerilee’s screaming.
“That’s ridiculous! Have you never known a teacher? That’s way too little time. I’ll never get my classroom ready!” Her eyes were wide, and she was scratching her hoof against her forehead in nervousness. “Screwy, grab a lunch and we go now!” The dejected cuckoo hung his head as he walked back to the clock. He saw the two mares dash out the door as he made some adjustments to his abacus.
The rush to the school was mercifully fast; very little traffic greets a schoolteacher early in the morning. Cheerilee hit her first obstruction once she made it inside the academy’s gates. They’re packed in shoulder to shoulder here! The previously-empty courtyard was jammed with students. All around her vision she saw fillies giggling as colts smiled at them. Friends were chasing each other in some strange game that involved tapping the back of someone’s neck with a hoof. She swore that she could smell haysmoke from somewhere.
“Excuse me.” She stumbled between the student body while carefully dragging her cart. “Sorry about the interruption.” She nervously cast a glance at her ‘niece;’ Screwy was taking in the entire scene with mouth agape. She seemed spellbound. Finally reaching the top stairs she passed a few colts throwing dice around dense books to reach a blockade. The two teens from the day before were laying across the stairs while their friends gathered around. “Billy’s getting a little grabby, so I clop him right in the face, see…?”
Let’s try this again. “Excuse me, Miss. Bomber, right? I need to get through, please.”
The peach-coated teen turned with a grimace. “Hoy, what’re you going to threaten with us now? Yer whip, nice and oiled?” She drew appreciative laughs from the crowd.
Cheerilee’s shoulders drooped. “I need to get to a teacher’s conference. Would you mind if…” She gestured with her hooves. Bomber waved her forward while Luster gave an anticipatory giggle. Halfway up the stairs something hit her back wagon wheel hard and fast. The sudden shock upturned the whole thing; a multitude of school supplies clattered down the stairs. Cheerilee heard at least one loud shattering noise.
“Oops. Maybe ye should use the back ramp next time, Miss. There’s here path is dangerous.”
Cheerilee stood in shock. Screwball threw a kick that righted the cart and began to refill the cart. “Thank you, Screwy. Let’s get this stuff back in.” Screwball saluted and threw in a cracked mug, an apple core, and several rocks.
The duo made it through the front door to the exaggerated salutes of the students, only to find yet another barrier. Placeholder blocked the path. “Good morning! We’re going to begin the meeting shortly. I’m sorry, but the young miss will have to wait outside.”
Cheerilee stared nervously at the tangled throng outside. “Screwball, take care of yourself. Make some new friends, okay?” Celestia, I wish I had thought to talk to her about this. With a week of preparation she might be ready for the outside world. Cheerilee muttered a few beseeching words to the rising sun as she followed the Principal, leaving a pair of spiraling eyes regarding the other fillies.
Screwy watched the adults leave as she slowly walked down the front stairs. The group of youngsters regarded her with open eyes. A bulky gray colt with a tangled black mane looked at her quizzically. “Hey Luster, what kind of cutie mark is that?” Sluice Hardpick frowned in contemplation.
Screwball walked to the group. She had decided that these would be her first friends. “Good-byes, everypony! Me am not going here!”
She was met with stares and silence. Bomber regarded her with confusion, and Luster started giggling nervously. Screwball started rolling her eyes and playing with her lips.
“Hey, lookit! She’s a derphead! We got a mental at the school now!” A large blue colt with a hammer on his flank started to roll of the floor, laughing and pointing. “Lookit her!” Luster started to move away from him uncomfortably.
He stopped when Bomber bucked him in the face. He screamed as the impact carried him down the stairs. She threw her still-burning haystick on him. “Cut it out, Sledge.” Bomber turned to Screwy. Her eyes softened. “Walk on down, girly. He won’t bother you now, nonehow.”
Screwball looked at him carefully. She nodded respectfully to Bomber. She proceeded to leap into the air. After completing two backflips she landed on the grunting Sledge and walked off. The Stairway Gang chuckled at the moans of pain. Hardpick grinned. “A harsh but not undeserved lesson, that one.”
Bomber nodded. “I ‘appen to agree there, Sluice. That little filly may be able to handle ‘erself; let's see if she makes any mates.”
Cheerilee slumped over the table at the teacher’s room. She turned to the pale mare on her right. “Morning, Goldy. How much time do we get between the bell ringing and the first block class?”
Goldy smiled nervously. “We get time?”
On the other side of the room, Red Glare picked a coffee cup off of the ‘Rocks: 2-for-1’ table. “Hey Globe, you seen the new literature teacher?”
The cynical traveler smiled as he finished pouring his coffee. “Don’t get your hopes up, Reddy. She’s from Ponyville. You know what they say about girls from Ponyville, right?” He took a long swig and raised his eyebrows pointedly at the table where Golden Ratio and Cheerilee were chatting.
Red clicked his tongue nervously. “Of course. Yeah. I do. They’ve got hair like an alicorn and a stare like a cockatrice, right?”
Globe patted him on the shoulder while heading to the table. “My friend, you certainly like explosives. Just don’t let it blow up in your face.”
Red just stared. “Ponyville girls like chemistry?”
A gigantic stack of paperwork floated through the door, followed by Placeholder. “Good morning, everypony. I hope you’ve signed in already. Remember, if you don’t I can’t give you credit for inservice hours.”
Cheerilee blinked. “Sir, there’s only four ponies on staff. Do we really need a sign-in sheet?”
Placeholder stared at her without comprehension. “Well, we have a full docket. Let’s go over our shut-down procedures updates, run through the new testing mandates, and discuss hall security.”
Trotter leaned in to whisper at Cheerilee. “That guy wouldn’t save his grandmother from a dragon unless it was filled out in triplicate.”
Red looked up from the paper he was furiously doodling on. “Sir, could we be brief today? I kind of have a bacterial cultures lab I have to set up.”
Placeholder grinned. “That gives up the perfect excuse to add the new district biohazard rules to our agenda! Don’t worry, Mr. Glare. I’m sure you’ll have five minutes at least.”
Cheerilee stared into her coffee. This is going to be a disaster. She looked at the clock. The depressed blue cuckoo merely shrugged.
Over an hour had passed. Cheerilee nervously clicked her hooves on the table. She had long since lost interest in what Placeholder was droning on about. Her colleagues seemed equally attentive; Red was sketching large and elaborate doodles, whereas Goldy stared politely at the principal with eyes glazed over. Globe Trotter had been staring at his coffee for minutes on end. His level of attention suggested the letters in the cream spelled out the missing clue to solving a murder.
Her plaintive eyes once again met the cuckoo. He checked the clock, nodded, and got into position.
“Well, that seems to conclude all of the business today. Remember that now that we’ve discussed the district’s recommendations we’ll need to have a meeting to vote on them and an additional meeting to discuss the results of said vote.” He smiled in surprise as he checked his agenda. “Oh, I have a final word; good luck, Miss Cheerilee. Welcome to the staff.” She blinked. Goldy patted her on the shoulder, and Globe raised his coffee. Red said nothing; he was so attentive to his art that only the cuckoo’s ring brought him out of his reverie. “Oh, good luck, Cheerilee! Is the meeting over?”
The teachers filled out of the staff room as a maintenance pony opened the front door. Cheerilee tugged her cart with effort as she raced to her classroom. She opened her door and quickly dumped her belongings on the floor behind the desk. They’ll never see them with the desk in the way. She raced among the seats, knocking anything that didn’t belong in the hooves of a student into her cart. She carefully aimed the wheeled box full of staples, scissors, and scraps; she then kicked it behind the classroom door. She opened the door and stood in the hallway just as the first student approached her room. She gave him a huge grin as she extended her hoof. “Hello! I’m your new literature teacher! Welcome to class.”
Time to rock and roll! Wait 'till they get a load of me!
Next Chapter: Chaos, Struggles, Montages, The Manticore’s Paw, and Trains!
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 5: Shattered Dreams
Cheerilee’s Class, 8:01 AM, Monday Cheerilee watched the students filter in through her door with a mix of anticipation and dread. This is it. In three minutes, comes The Moment. Cheerilee moved her head from side to side in the door; she tried to keep one eye on the halls and the other in the class. She heard a noise of something falling in her room, briefly checked the inside, and then continued watching the hall.
Wow, I am never this unfocused on the first day of class; what is throwing me? Suddenly she saw Screwball follow a group of nervous-looking colts into Miss Ratio’s class. Okay, there’s an answer. The sounds of head custodian Mr. Sweep ringing the bell filled hallway. Cheerilee nodded. She walked to the front of her classroom while letting the lively conversation of the students filter through.
“Yeah, Luster’s got an in at the gem store. She gets the best deals.”
“Did you hear what Sledge did to Hardtack’s wagon? If Hardtack finds out Sledge better not eat in the cafeteria without checking his food.”
“Hey, check out the new teachfilly’s rump.”
Cheerilee gave a deeply purple embarrassed blush as she reached her desk. Well, their minds sure aren’t on education. I just have to retask them. She turned and smiled. Never let them see you falter; they smell blood like a quarry eel. It’s time to make magic.
“Stomp your hooves once if you can hear me.”
Several students turned from their conversations with bemused faces. The vast majority of the class kept their attention elsewhere. One student with a gray coat stomped on the group with an amused look.
“Stomp twice if you can hear me.”
A few of the students joined in now; they seemed to be amused by the novelty. She saw the furrowed brow of Bomber in the back; Bomber was not joining in, but her green coated friend was.
“Stomp three times if you’re listening.”
CLOMP. CLOMP. CLOMP. The class was dead silent in anticipation. They had raised eyebrows and smirks, but the schoolmare had their attention.
Cheerilee smiled to herself. Sometimes it’s so easy, I’m ashamed of myself.
“Good morning class! I’m Cheerilee; I’m your new literature teacher. I came all the way from Cherry Lawn in Ponyville to teach you. Princess Luna herself asked me to be here, and I’m happy to meet you.”
She looked out. The students’ eyes flickered from Cheerilee to other classmates. They’re waiting to see who tests me first. I’ve got to prepare for the inevitable. “So, I’ve tried to find your previous teacher’s plans. Apparently he was deported to Scoltland in a hurry.”
The class gave a slight cheer.
Cheerilee’s smile took on a nervous quality. “Anyway, let’s take roll and we’ll get on…” Her hoof reaching behind her found an empty desktop. She frowned for a brief second, and then brought the smile back on. “Did anyone see where my roll clipboard went?”
Sluice rolled his eyes. Luster giggled nervously with the rest of the class and turned to Bomber. Bomber wore the same anticipatory grin she had from the start of the class. She stared straight into Cheerilee’s eyes like an Applaloosan pieslinger at high noon.
“Gee miss, ‘ow could you ever learn our names, then?” Bomber allowed her smile to widen slightly.
Okay Cheerilee, remain cool. Play the Slight Inconvenience card; they’re waiting for you to flip out. “You know what? I’ll just pass around a sign-in sheet. Anyway, let’s start our assignment.”
A groan came up from the back of the class. Sledge gave a theatrical sigh. “Oh man, I think that clock is slow.” The cuckoo merely glared at him.
“Our curriculum is literature, class. We’re going to read a variety of things with different genres and intents, then write about how they make us feel.” Cheerilee finished and waited for the inevitable.
A purple filly in the front row raised her hoof. “I already know how I feel, Miss! Can I be excused?”
Cheerilee shook her head.
“Well then, I have to go to the bathroom! You gotta let me go to the bathroom, right?” A chorus of agreement sounded out amongst the crowd. Cheerilee silenced them with a raised hoof.
“Once we’re on task in a few minutes I will certainly stamp your pass. Let’s continue.”
Luster turned to Bomber. “She’s not doing badly. Some subs gave up by now.”
Bomber shook her hoof. “We’ll get ‘er.”
Luster frowned. “I dunno; she’s kind of nice so far.” Luster dropped her gaze from the stare Bomber gave her.
“Luster, You just ‘member Little Miss Threatening from yesterday. Focus on yer job.”
While the conversation had gone on, Cheerilee had assigned two students to drag around the textbook cart. She noticed she was losing the back of the room's attention. Bomber was perched over the top of the desk, slightly elevated over the group of students hanging around her. Cheerilee made a mental note as to who the class ringleader was. She holds court like a griffin tribal chieftain.
Sluice started turning his new textbook open with a quizzical eye. “We’ve never even seen this before, Miss.” While he was waiting for an answer, Sledge surreptitiously knocked the book off of his desk. Sluice immediately stood up and reared up to buck Sledge in the face.
He found himself staring eye-to-eye with a fuchsia schoolmare with a stern glare. The entire class was silent. Sluice dropped onto his front hooves. “Miss, you saw what Sledge did!”
Cheerilee smiled. “Sledge, is it?” She turned. “Sledge, would you mind moving two seats over, please? The orange-backed desk should do fine.” I can’t have a fight the first day.
Sledge gave her an incredulous look. “He pushed me first.”
Cheerilee grinned. “Sledge, you are moving to that desk. The only question is how many consequences I give you first. I think your address is on file down the hall, right? Is your house on my way home? I could stop by for a chat with your folks.”
A few of the students made ‘ooh’ sounds with their mouths. Cheerilee trembled inside. This colt is my size; he could buck a desk in half. I have to keep up the mask; can’t let him see fear.
The blue colt shook his purple mane in frustration as he relocated himself.
“I said the orange-backed desk, Sledge.”
He stood up, kicked the desk he was seated with over, then sat down in the orange-backed desk. He pointedly looked away from the teacher as he muttered angrily under his breath.
Cheerilee resisted the temptation to sigh in relief. Can’t let them see a crack in the wall, even if I want to. Fighting back tears of nervousness, she calmly walked to the front of the room. She leaned against her desk, and addressed the class. “So, does anyone recognize anyone on the cover of the book?”
One colt raised his hoof. “This one’s got me brother’s hoofwriting on it. It says to turn to page 76 for a surprise.”
Cheerilee rolled her eyes over the classes giggles. She used one hoof to balance the book toward the class. “I mean the figure on the book, class. We see a large green pony made of water sinking a ship. What’s he wearing?”
Luster threw a hoof in the air over Bomber’s distasteful snort. “Oh, miss! It’s an aquamarine-inlayed crown with peridot set with pearls! That’s a black opal in the tourmaline center!” Luster looked proud of herself as Cheerilee’s eyes widened. “That’s a street value of about fifteen thousand bits, give or take.”
Bomber snorted. “Don’t set yer guard down, luv.”
Cheerilee tried to make sounds come out of her own mouth, failing several times. “Um... Yes! That's definitely accurate." I trust her, at least. " So what does that tell us about that pony?”
Luster looked thoughtful. “He’s bleeding rich?” The class’ laughter started to deflate her excitement. Cheerilee stepped in quickly.
“No, that’s right!” Luster smiled as her teacher continued. “That’s Foamrider, king of the Sea Ponies. He’s sinking the boat because the sailors displeased him. We’re going to read a lot of old legends this year.”
Bomber stood up. “So we’re going to read out loud a buncha sod from dead unicorns that we can’t understand?”
Cheerilee faltered. “I’ll help you with the language.” The class didn’t look hopeful, she noticed. “Let’s get started with page twelve and the story of Roanicus and Artimane.”
The class started flipping through their books. Well, I spent almost a fourth of class getting them settled. I don’t know if I have the stamina to pull a plow like that three times a day, every week. Let’s get them into the story.
Cheerilee’s Class, 9:16 am, Monday The class was not responding well.
“What does ‘hence’ mean?”
“When the smeg did they even talk like this?
“I’m bored.”
Cheerilee nervously dragged her hooves backward across her desk. THIS is the textbook they bought for this school? I could use this in a Manehattan private school.
“Well, can anyone tell me what the main characters were up to? Railrunner, you were reading last. What’s going on?”
The athletic yellow teen stared at the textbook in incomprehension. “I can read it, miss. Doesn’t mean I get it. Something to do with grapes... I think they’re having a party.”
Cheerilee sighed. “But what fruits are they talking about, class?” This is going nowhere. More than half of the class had settled into side conversations instead of their paired reading groups.
Sluice pawed the page with a seeking hoof. “’The fruits of vengeance’. So, sour grapes?” His smile broke as he saw the teacher’s exasperation.
“Class is almost over! Too bad we’ll never get to the end,” Sledge triumphantly yelled.
Cheerilee huffed. “They end up killing each other and most of their families on Roanicus’ wedding.”
Her eyes were staring at the floor. She suddenly noticed the quiet. Looking up, she saw a field of eyes looking at her silently. Even Sledge was pretending poorly not to listen.
Well, it’s not like we’ll ever get through this normally. “Roanicus spends the night before his own wedding fooling around with his best friend’s wife. His best friend realizes this and poisons the wedding toast, but Roanicus drops his glass back into the punch bowl.”
Cheerilee, low on enthusiasm, started half-heartedly gesturing. She hadn’t noticed that she was commanding the absolute attention of the class. “The poison hurts Artimane’s wife so much that she jumps off the nearby cliff. When Roanicus goes down to check on her, his own bride curses him and jumps off too. She impales him with her horn. Seeing the tragedy, Artimane goes into a rant about love and drinks the poison.”
She was astounded. Even Bomber’s façade was cracked; she was taking in every word.
“That’s what old myths are all about, class; clopping and killing.”
The sounding of the bell broke the silence. Bomber snorted. “Why didn’t it just say so?” She picked up her things as the class started to leave with her.
“Class, please wait! Your homework is to write about how the passage made you…feel.” Cheerilee realized she was standing in an empty class. I’m talking to myself; I may have been doing that most of the morning.
Cheerilee felt emotionally exhausted. She thought she could fall asleep passed out on her desk right now. As the first student looked nervously into her room she summoned a huge smile from untapped reserves of will and made her way to the door. As she walked to the door, she noticed her cart had been tipped over at some point; a large amount of objects were missing. She stifled the scream that threatened to rise from deep inside.
“Welcome to class! I’m your new literature teacher. I’m sure we’ll have a great year.”
Cheerilee’s Class, 11:02 am, Monday Third block arrived to find Cheerilee exhausted. The first class at least had Bomber keeping students in line. I never realized how preferable organized chaos was to the leaderless kind. She walked to the door while kicking paper wads out of her way. That was like something out of a William Gelding novel; a bunch of spear-wielding colts on an island wondering who gets to be the Generous Meal.
“Welcome to class! I’m your new literature teacher. I’m sure we’ll have a great year.”
The students filtered in quietly. Cheerilee gave each a greeting that mostly went unreturned. The colts and fillies quietly took to their desks. Cheerilee’s mental analysis of her class was stopped by her first friendly voice.
“Me am not supposed to be here!”
The trained and practiced teacher’s smile was replaced with a real grin. “Screwy! It’s good to see you. How’s the day going for you?”
Screwball sat down in the very back desk and turned to her ‘aunt.’ “Me awful in math; me throw least paper of all! Then me fill out everything in Geography and make many friends!”
Cheerilee stared. Oh no. I hope I’m somehow translating that wrong."Well, would you like to sit up closer to me?”
Screwball shook her head. “Nope!” She was tapping the desks with her hooves in anticipation.
Cheerilee shook her head as she walked to the front. Okay, there has to be something weird there. I thought she seemed like a good girl. Cheerilee turned to address her class. Third time’s the charm.
“Stomp your hooves once if you can hear me.”
Cheerilee’s Class, 11:46 am, Monday
Cheerilee sat in her room alone during lunch. Keeping an eye on the cuckoo clock she scavenged the remains of her cart for lunch. After seriously considering crayons she finally admitted her students had stolen everything edible. Oh, well. There’s always the old stand-by. The schoolmare paced over to her empty desk and stopped a moment in confusion.
“There aren’t any apples. No one brought an apple.” Also, I’m so hungry I’m talking to myself.
She slumped over her desk. The door clicked behind her. “Red?” She turned around to see a smiling Mr. Trotter levitating a lunch sack.
“First day famine? Everypony from the sticks thinks there’s going to be an apple crop on their desks first day. “
Cheerilee glumly nodded. Trotter sat at a desk and produced two daisy sandwiches. “I thought you might need this.”
I. Hunger.
The earth pony rocked into her donated lunch like a hurricane. “Wow, this is good stuff. Thanks, Mr. Trotter.”
He smiled. “Au contraire. Call me Globe. It’s a special recipe I got from a young mare on my visit to Old Cheval.”
Cheerilee’s eyes went wide. “You’ve been to Fancée?”
Globe Trotter beamed. “But of course, mademoiselle! Lemme tell you about the morning we started there and ended up in the canals of Venieghce by sunset.
The sandwich ran out long before the story did. Celestia, this guy loves talking. She had to give him credit; the stories were mostly interesting. Cheerilee wasn’t bored, just inconvenienced. She had hoped to tidy up her classroom during lunch. Noticing the cuckoo animatedly pointing at the clock, she started for the door. “Whoops; time to pick up the kids from lunch.” She stopped when her hoof stuck to the floor halfway through.
Eeew. Her hoof was stuck to the floor in some kind of gooey mess. “Trotter, my leg is stuck to the floor.”
The mustached stallion telekinetically pulled her off with a flourish. “I will assist, mademoiselle.”
Cheerilee looked at him sternly. “Great. How chivalrous of you. Are you going to clean off all of the candy and gum in my room? You gave out all of it.”
Trotter suddenly looked nervous. “That’s just the price of reaching the kids. Let’s get to the lunchroom!” He galloped out of the room.
Cheerilee shook her head as she walked into the cafeteria. She was greeted by the sight of Red on cafeteria duty. His lab coat was covered in white clumps. Just as she approached her table, she saw a glob of something barely edible hit his safety glasses.
“Excellent shot with the mashed potatoes, Riversift! I expect the essay of trajectory and Neighton’s Laws on my desk by tomorrow.”
Cheerilee shook her head with a smile. How has he not given up by now? She waved to her students as they followed her down the hallway. “So how was lunch, Screwy?”
Screwy bounced on her hooves alongside Cheerilee. “Me ate EVERYTHING.”
Cheerilee sighed to herself.
Cheerilee’s Class, 2:25 pm, Monday
A candy-striped mane was spread across the teacher’s desk. A fuchsia head groggily rose as she blinked the sleep out of her bleary eyes. Ringing. Something’s ringing. Bell!
Whoa. I must have fallen asleep grading. She squinted at the cuckoo clock. Celestia, I slept through my planning period. Better throw it in the cart and start cleaning. If I leave all of this for the custodian I’ll hear about it later.
Cheerilee placed the small stack of papers in her cart. She tipped a desk back over. She noticed that a student had drawn a striking picture of her on notebook paper. Nice anatomy, but I wouldn’t do that for anyone without a ring on my tail.
Another working day has ended. Only rush hour Hay to face. As the minutes drew past Cheerilee became nervous. I’m forgetting something, aren’t I? I always forget something when I pass out. What could be so important?
Screwball!
Cheerilee ran into the hallway, passing students who cheered her on. “Move that rump, teach!” Heedlessly she barreled into the courtyard. She stood on the front step and scanned the sizable crowd. She saw no sign of Screwball.
Clop me, where could she be?
She lay on the steps for minutes on end with no sign of the violet filly. A muscular gray colt passed her down the steps. “G’night, Miss Cheerilee.”
She racked her brain for a name. “Sluice, why haven’t you left school yet?”
He cast a glance backwards. “I had to do some research in the library. See you tomorrow.”
Cheerilee turned toward the door. Maybe she’s back inside. She started to wander the halls. She noticed Principal Placeholder talking to a bulky earth pony stallion. To her trepidation she realized the large green pony had a Hazmat helmet with crossed brooms behind it as a cutie mark. This is it.
“Miss Cheerilee! I was just discussing with Custodian Cleansweep on the state of your room.”
Cheerilee gave a nervous grin. “I hope I left the room okay today.”
The sunglasses-wearing custodian continued chewing something as he slowly shook his head.
Bogus. “Well, hopefully it won’t take too long to clean, right?”
The silent custodian’s impassive stare radiated from his shades. His expression was unchanging stone.
“Well, have you seen Screwball, Mr. Placeholder? I’m thinking of looking for her in the library."
The custodian cocked his head as Placeholder giggled. “I hope you haven’t spent too much time trying to find it; we don’t actually have one.”
This stopped Cheerilee’s thought processes dead.
“I would recommend Red Glare’s classroom. I understand some students use it as a sanctuary from higher class-level predators.”
Cheerilee started walking off; she was distracted by the problems of Screwball and Sluice. As she headed down the corridor she suddenly turned to Placeholder. “Excuse me, sir?”
He turned to her cheerfully. “Yes, Miss?”
“Aren’t you going to ask me how my first day went, sir?”
He smiled. “Not particularly. Good night, Miss!” He trotted back to his office.
Cheerilee was confronted by confusing conversation at the door of the science lab.
“Seriously, your character has good Karma? You can’t wear the Luna armor from Canterlot then.”
“Hey, good Karma gets you Calamity. He’s the best companion in the game. Back me up on this, Crunch.”
The sound of notebook pages shuffling filled the air. “Too true, but he’s got all of those time-consuming family member side-quests with relative low XP pay-off for the ammo investment. I concur with Flip in his moral decisions.”
Cheerilee stood in confusion at the door. Red Glare was sitting at his desk grading. Screwball was sitting with her back to the door. She was talking with three other colts at the back table. She was apparently playing some game involving dice-rolling.
Cheerilee walked over the Red while keeping her eyes on the table.
“What in Equestria are they talking about?”
Red looked up with a surprised smile. “Oh, them! That’s the Luna’s Academy Adventurer’s Guild. They play games in my classroom after school most days. I brought my old gaming books when I moved from South Detrot, so I let the students use them. Right now I think they’re talking about some new game on their crystal ball system.”
Cheerilee raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You encourage that sort of thing?”
Red shook his head nervously. “Oh, in here they have to play board games. Proper strategy and math learned after school! I don’t encourage crystal ball games here.”
A white earth pony with a script and quill cutie mark turned to the teachers. “Hey, back me up here Mr. Glare! You played a fillyfooling unicorn techy girl with good Karma to max level, right?”
Cheerilee gave Red a look. The science stallion quickly ushered her to the table. “What kind of manners is that, Quest? Say hello to your new literature teacher!”
Cheerilee walked over to the table. I think these guys are in the same class with Screwy; I don’t remember them talking nearly as much as this in class, though.
“Miss Cheerilee, you’ve already been introduced to Quest Talltale. Meet his companions in adventure.” Red pointed at a light blue Pegasus with glasses and a slim orange unicorn pony who was scribbling in a calculation-covered notebook. “This is Flip Turnpage and Crunch Tallymark!”
Screwy waved to her ‘aunt.’ “Hey! These aren’t me new friends!”
Cheerilee gave a small smile. “Glad to hear it. I’ll go get my cart and we’ll go home.”
Red walked with her back to the classroom. “So, how’d the day go? You’re still alive, must be positive.” His smile drew a smaller one from her.
“First hour is chaos ruled by might alone, second hour is chaos let free. The third block kids are somewhat behaved; they just aren’t very equipped for grade level work. My Ponyville students read on a higher reading level then some of these students.” She sighed. “They’re not dumb or bad, just…slow.”
Red nodded. “The best teachers get the hardest kids.”
Cheerilee smiled at the compliment. “Also, sometimes they apparently get mashed potatoes on their safety goggles.” She walked into the classroom and came out pulling her cart. “Let’s get Screwball out of that ‘club’ so I’ll be out of your mane.”
Red grabbed the cart reigns and pulled it ahead of her. “Don’t be ridiculous! I’m sure they’d love to have you at the Seaponies and Sepulchers game.” He gave a conspiratorial wink. “I hear a certain young earth filly is having quite a time as a mighty warrior of the waves.”
Cheerilee rolled her eyes. “Red, she’s special. She’s very special in a lot of ways, and easy to hurt right now. I need her to learn to relate to others in her age group in real life. I don’t think fantasy games could help her in…”
Cheerilee and Red’s conversation ended when they reentered the lab. Screwy was standing on her back hooves while gesturing wildly.
“You shall not end my advance, foul Clam-men! I am Pearlshield, Servant of Foamrider and keeper of the Obsidian Trident! If thou bar my way I shall pierce your treacherous bodies as easily as I now slay thy chieftain!”
Screwball threw a small piece of plastic across the table. Crunch barely glanced at it before going back to his calculations. “She rolled a seventeen. She’s got you there, Quest.”
The pale earth pony youth readjusted his glasses and tipped over a small figure on a gridded battlefield. “Um, okay then. I guess the rest of the Clam-men flee from her righteous advance, escaping in terror to their dank holes.”
“Sweet!” The blue pegasus took a mouthful of candy off the table. “Crunch and I start searching all the bodies for gold.”
“Verily my allies,” Screwball yelled as she stuck a dramatic pose. “The forces of Gentlewave Castle carry this day!” She then noticed the still, speechless form of Cheerilee standing in the doorway. “Oh, me have to stay. Hello everypony!”
Quest peered over his cardboard screen at the retreating filly. “Um, will we see you again?” He gave a hopeful smile.
“Game was awful. Me hate everyone here. Me never come here again.” She looked at him quizzically. “Next day is Wednesday?” The confused Quest nodded, causing Screwy to squee loudly and bounce twice as high over to Cheerilee.
“Me not ready to go home yet!” Cheerilee could only stare at her ‘niece’ as her brain tried to sort the avalanche of new information.
Cheerilee walked through her front door after kicking a veritable chest-high wall of glass bottles over. That must be for the last tenant; who would order fifteen bottles of chocolate a day? She pushed her battle-damaged cart to the side of the room. Gradually she slumped on the cushions on the side of the room. She blinked away bleariness, and saw an expectant Screwball looking at her. “Screwball, I’m…really tired. Could you do something on your own right now?”
Just like mother, just like daughter. All I need is Dad to walk in after work and pass out. Buck this.
She stood up and addressed the disappointed filly. “Okay, we’re not starting that here. Screwy, could you bring in the pots from the back? We have a bunch of seeds to plant. I can’t stand living without a garden. After that I’ll help you with your homework.” Cheerilee started scrounging for tools in her scattered, unpacked belongings. “Be careful with the pots. They’re fragile.” She suddenly tensed as she heard a loud clattering behind her. Turning around she was amazing to see twenty-seven pots organized at different table levels, some hanging by the ceiling. Screwball bounced up and down, awaiting approval.
What actually happens when we turn our backs on her? I should ask Red to set up an experiment. “Okay, that’ll work. I don’t think I had anything to put on that table anyway.” Cheerilee stopped in her tracks. Between two of the pots was her globe.
She stood there gaping for several seconds. Screwy walked over to the schoolmare. “Me knew it wasn’t important to Cheerilee. Me wanted to make sure you kept it safe.”
Cheerilee started blinking the moisture away as she put her hooves silently around the teen. Screwball accepted the hug nervously. “Me did sad-bad wrong, right?”
Cheerilee quaked as she smiled. “I’m just very happy. I’m not sad at all.”
Screwball grinned. ThaT MakE PerfeCT SeNSe.
Cheerilee’s Class, 6:01 AM, Tuesday
Cheerilee moved into her classroom with purpose. Everything is going to go right today. She had already triumphed over the unexpected, having opened her front door into a six-foot wall of chocolate milk bottles. I swear I heard someone chuckling at that.
She turned to Screwball and gave a conspiratorial whisper. “Okay, Screwy. You can stay and help for a while. You have to go into the yard before Placeholder gets to work.” Screwball saluted. “This’ll be between you and me.” Cheerilee suspiciously looked at the cuckoo; the bird rolled his eyes and whistled while shrugging in ignorance. The schoolmare smiled.
Methodically they cleared up the clutter on the desks from yesterday. Neglected school supplies went into an empty box marked ‘Use Me.’ She went to work on her chalkboard as Screwball started organizing the desks in record times. Thank Celestia I have a free morning. Tuesday’s usually a department meeting in bigger schools; luckily enough I am the whole reading department.
Cheerilee’s Class, 7:54 AM, Tuesday
With two hours of work and planning behind her, Cheerilee waited for the bell with trepidation.
I can't seem to face up to the facts. I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax. She pushed open her classroom door and stood in the hallways. These are the students I have from now on. I just have to get used to it.
From her place in the hallway she saw her three co-workers at their doors. Goldy and Globe smiled at her; Red gave her a hoofs-up. She noticed Red’s coat was giving off greenish smoke. I wonder what Screwy’s going to be mixing up today?
The bell rang. Cheerilee tensed herself to go through the gauntlet.
Her first block class walked into the room and immediately began socializing. Cheerilee was gratified to get greetings from some of the students. As she walked to her desk, she addressed her pupils.
“Remember, you have something to do! There’s always something to write on the board when you come in. You start the class on your own, not the bell and not the teacher.”
The students blinked in amusement at the ‘Do Now’ written across the board. ‘What kind of stories do you like?’
She saw that about half the class started, while some looked pensive. She paced the perimeter of the class, working to keep students on task. “Luster, please start your work.”
The green teen looked abashed. “I ain’t got no supplies, Miss.”
Cheerilee smiled and gestured toward the bin of free materials. Luster went over and scavenged supplies. Bomber rolled her eyes.
Let’s try this. “Bomber, get to work please. Let’s have another good day.”
Bomber snorted and continued to scrutinize her classmates. “I got nothing either, Miss.”
Cheerilee smiled. “There’s plenty of stuff left over from yesterday.”
“I know, miss.” She didn’t move.
Cheerilee turned. “Luster, could you bring enough for Bomber?” Luster turned back, meeting Bomber’s deadly gaze. Bomber shook her head.
Luster sat down. “Um, there weren’t ‘nough for two, Miss.”
Cheerilee calmly walked over to the bin, took out pencil and paper, and placed them in front of Bomber. “Here you go!”
Bomber turned to her. “You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything.”
The schoolmare was about to continue the conversation, but decided to circulate elsewhere in the room. I have thirty-five students; I can’t spend all my time on her.
Minutes later, most of the students had written a sentence on their paper. Cheerilee smiled gratefully. “Let’s see what you have, class! Sledge, you wrote your name. That’s an improvement. Nailkicker, you like fighting?”
“Hoy, miss! Have a go if yer hard enough!” The rest of the class laughed.
Cheerilee grinned. “Friday’s story’s going to rock you then.” As she moved on, black-coated Nailkicker looked confused. He usually got an angry reaction from teachers with that line.
“Luster, you want descriptions of clothing. Lamplight likes romance stories, Sluice like things that happen in different places. Bomber, what do you like?”
Bomber gave a look of disbelief. “Stuff that matters. We readin’ stuff by ancient dead stallions again today? Ye ruined the endin’, after all.”
Cheerilee smiled. That’s at least on-topic. “Today we’re reading something closer to home. It’s called ‘The Manticore’s Paw.’ Nailkicker immediately raised his hoof.
“Hoy, Miss! ‘Ow many ponies does it eat in this one?”
Cheerilee giggled. ‘The paw isn’t attached to the manticore anymore in this story.”
Nailkicker looked disappointed. “No one bites it then.”
His schoolmare clicked her tongue. “There’s a young worker who gets it pretty nastily in this one.”
The class’ mood was changing. Even Sledge was starting to slow down his obscene scribbles. Sluice gave Cheerilee an inscrutable stare. “Miss Cheerilee, how does he get offed?”
Cheerilee grinned. “Let’s get into formation. I want everyone in a circle. We’ll put two back-to-back students in the center, and they’ll read to everyone. We’ll switch out every so often, so stay with us in the book everyone! This is a story about a magically preserved manticore paw. It grants three wishes, but they may not turn out the way you want.”
An hour later the class had made less progress than Cheerilee hoped. Most of them were admittedly paying attention. Every time two new readers were chosen the class commented on how they loved or hated each other; several pairs had refused to read together. Keeping the momentum was like pulling a train single-hoofed. Whether it was breaking up scuffles or stopping two lovebirds from nuzzling each other, the distractions kept coming.
Cheerilee sighed. “Okay, Sluice. Where did we leave off?”
Sluice responded without looking up. “The couple had just wished for money, Miss. Then their son fell into the taffy-pulling machine in the candy factory he worked in.”
Sledge snickered. “That’s totally sweet.”
Sluice gave a look of warning, and then continued. “How does that get them the money, miss?”
Cheerilee paced slowly around the circle. “Do you know that most companies pay the families of workers who die in accidents?” She looked back after the silence continued. Sluice was staring at the book hard enough to set it on fire, but his lips weren’t moving at all.
Did I say something? The rest of the class looked at her with nervousness and reproach. The tension was only broken by the bell. Surprisingly, there wasn’t an immediate rush to the door. “Okay, then. Move your seat back if you have time. Remember your homework. What would you wish for if you had a manticore’s paw? I want eight lines by tomorrow morning.”
The class silently filled out. As Cheerilee stood by the door, she noticed that Sledge was smiling to himself as he approached Luster and Sluice; Luster was apparently trying to keep Sluice’s spirits up. Oh, Celestia. I should’ve chosen another story.
The day dragged along with effort. By the time her planning period came, the fuchsia pony was exhausted. She sardonically noted that first block got farther than any other class. She started wearily cleaning up the paper wads and doddles, curious as to what her “artist” was inspired to draw today. She examined her new portrait before consigning it to the bin. I haven’t done that since college.
Her grading was interrupted by the sounds of argument in the hallways. Cheerilee nervously cantered over to the door. I hope it’s not a fight. She hated the idea of watching students hurt each other, but she knew the penalties for a teacher getting involved were pretty harsh.
She was greeted by the sight of a huge yellow stallion physically assaulting her student. It was the pony with the singing canary cutie mark she had seen in the market one day. He had a grizzled beard, a mining hat, and Sluice’s ear in his mouth. He was dragging Sluice down the halls while Placeholder watched impotently from his door.
“Hold it right there, sir!” Cheerilee galloped to her student. “We’re charged with our students’ safety; I can’t allow you to do that!”
The yellow miner released the gray youth and snorted. “I don’t remember charging you with anything. I’m Lookout Hardpick; this is my son, and I’m taking him home.” The young colt next to him was blinking back angry tears through a black eye.
Cheerilee gritted her teeth. “I don’t know why you’re hurting your son in my hallway, but you stop now.”
Lookout snorted. “Sorry, I need a better introduction. I’m Foreman Hardpick; I run the community mine and the town finances. I pay your salary, little lady. Now I’m taking my son to a more proper place.”
The schoolmare paced around the angry parent. “I’m sorry, My Lord Lookout, but we still have rules here.” She saw Sluice’s eyes go wide at the sarcasm his father was receiving.
Lookout stamped on the ground. “Rules, you say? Some young buckhead gives my son a black eye and you yell about at me about rules? This entire place is a disgrace! My son shouldn’t have even been wasting his time here today.” He pointed a hoof at the schoolmare. “Believe me, when the contract comes up in council this year I’ll be shutting down this inept babysitting service. When walls are kicked down and these young ponies start learning a trade this town will be a better place. Sluice, we’re leaving.”
Sluice had wandered off during the angry discussion. The grey colt had just finished talking to Red, who had poked his head out of the science lab. Sluice passed a few papers to Red out of his schoolbag. Once his mouth was free, he nodded. “Yes, sir. I’m coming.”
Cheerilee just stood motionless as the ponies walked out of the building. Placeholder gave Lookout a respectful nod as he passed; the foreman rolled his eyes and gave a disrespectful snort as he passed. This seemed to please the principal, who walked down the hall past the stunned Cheerilee.
“He’ll get this place closed in a hurry; we’re in good hooves.”
The schoolmare just stayed there stunned as the bell rang and the students hurried to their escape.
Red Glare walked his cart home under Luna’s beautiful tapestry. Oh, you can see the nebula in Orion tonight. His stargazing was interrupted by a collision with another stallion.
“Sorry, sir. Didn’t mean to. Yes, should watch where I’m going. Nope, I’m okay, just looking at high activity stellar nurseries.” As Red shuffled his possession back into his cart, he found a group of papers on the ground.
Oh, Luna, I forgot about those! I must have had those under the sedimentary rocks and the eohippus model. I need to drop those off at Cheerilee’s house; that’ll pick up her night.
Red trotted down the street as fast as his jury-rigged cart could stand. Okay, the Princess would’ve got her a place at Miss Bungalow’s. That’s just a few streets over. After weaving in and out of cart traffic the red stallion found himself at a familiar homestead. The old mare was walking the perimeter of the complex. “Miss Bungalow, have you seen my new co-worker around?”
The aged pony looked at Red appraisingly. “Why, hello Mr. Glare! I hope you haven’t come to move back into your old apartment. We’ve only recently got the smells and stains cleared.”
He scratched his mane nervously. “Not at all! Just looking for Ms. Cheerilee. Help me find her, and I’ll be out of your mane.”
She gave him a disapproving look. “Now see here, Red. You know the rules about mares and stallions after hours.”
Red started waving his hooves in an embarrassed manner. “No, not that, never thought of that, well I did but not here and we’d need a few dates and you’re looking at me like that and I’m shutting up.” He took a long, deep breath. “Look, I just need to give her some papers from work. I’ll stand in the door, I promise.”
She nodded and cocked her head toward the side alley. “It’s the door with all the trash, dearie.”
Red paced down the alley. That doesn’t sound like Cheerilee. Trashy? He stopped at an apartment that looked like an explosion at a bottling factory. Unopened bottles of chocolate milk lay scattered everywhere. Several were cracked as if they fell from a great height. They lined the window-sill; a few were sticking out of the soil in a planter.
Merciful Princesses! He looked at the bottles. Dr. Ocsid’s Chocolate Milk Delivery? Never heard of the joint. They must deal in bulk. Red applied a scientific mind towards analyzing the scene. From the fall it looks like they would’ve completely covered up the door with room to spare; that’s a terrible way to deliver milk. Would’ve crashed everywhere as soon as the door opened. He smiled. Maybe that’s for the best; she’d never keep her figure drinking all this milk. I’d find another company anyway; this is pure chaos.
He suddenly remembered the errand that brought him here. Red stepped over piles of broken glass to knock on the door. He was met by darkness and silence. By the fourth knock he noticed the note left nailed to the door. He peered close to read it in the darkness.
Oh, no. He gritted his teeth. This is not going to happen.
The two figures walked across the wooden platform. The younger one leaned pensively against the schedule board. The adult of the pair walked up to the ticket booth. A dark blue pony with a checklist for a cutie mark regarded her impassively.
“We got the midnight train left, miss. Where are you going to?”
The exhausted small town mare from Ponyville passed her bits across the counter.
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 6: Never Surrender
Cheerilee paced back and forth across the near-empty train platform. She was filled with doubt and uncertainty on the outside, but she smiled as she passed Screwball. The teen filly was confused and nervous, but returned a toothy grin. Her surrogate parent sighed inwardly; despite her crushing depression she found it hard to leave teacher mode.
Screwy walked gingerly to Cheerilee. “Cheerilee leaving Screwy?”
The earth pony put a hoof on the younger pony’s back. “I’m not going anywhere without you. We’ll find somewhere in the next few towns. You’ll have a new school with new friends. Now, go back and watch the cart; I wouldn’t want someone stealing the globe again.”
Screwball nodded and returned to the center bench, leaving Cheerilee at the edge of the platform. With hours remaining until the train arrived, she started watching the Moon and stars. Luna, I’m sorry. Most of all I hate to disappoint you. If only you could have seen me in good times. The former schoolmare lost herself in memories.
“Cheerilee, do you have a blackboard I could borrow?”
The happy fuchsia pony gave a look to the door of the schoolhouse. “Look class, it’s Twilight Sparkle! Let’s all give her a warm welcome!”
Two young fillies snorted at the request. “Miss, does this mean we’re going to the library again? There’s nothing useful there for popular ponies.”
Cheerilee walked over to her nervous friend. “Don’t worry, Twilight. Diamond Tiara didn’t mean that. She will explain exactly how important libraries are to everyone in her essay tonight!” The schoolmare smiled widely as groans came from behind her.
Twilight inched carefully inside the classroom. “That’s not quite what I’m worried about." She walked forward, keeping low to the floor. She flinched as the popping sounds of explosion filled the classroom. The students were all placing mysterious ingredients inside tiny capsules. Whatever the concoction was, it succeeded in launching the capsules far across the classroom in random directions. Twilight’s horn sparked every few seconds as she kept a force field spell ready. “What is going on here?”
“We’re learning about Neighton’s Third Law of motion! Film Reel loaned us film canisters and Granny Smith gave us some denture cleaning tablets. Together with some water they make miniature gas-powered rockets. The children get the idea of actions and opposite reaction quite clearly!”
A film canister speed across Cheerilee’s field of vision. It hit the side of the room, bounced off the wall, and finally rolled underneath Twilight. Cheerilee beamed happily from behind her green safety goggles. “Well, if we’re going to talk, you should put on some safety glasses.”
The small form of a dragon crept in behind Twilight pulling a cart. “That’ll be fun. Rarity will freak out when she sees your goggle mane.” He snorted, slightly raising the ambient temperature.
Cheerilee rolled her eyes, the teacher mask slipping for a second. “Spike, that’s ridiculous. You know this lucky unicorn doesn’t need to do anything to her mane to make it look good.” She gave a fake glare of anger. “I’m jealous.” As she was speaking a tiny object flew into the air behind her. Hitting the ceiling with a loud sound, it finally came to rest in Cheerilee’s hair. The crashed ‘rocket’ leaked blue liquid, creating a chaotic fourth color in the schoolmare’s hair. She continued to smile.
Twilight gaped at the slight, levitating a nearby paper towel to catch the offending liquid. A bashful voice chirped up from the back of the room. “Sorry, Miss!”
Cheerilee moved to the perpetrator’s desk. “That’s alright, Snails! Remember to fill out the questions on the worksheet though. Oh, good work Twist! Keep on it.”
Spike and Twilight exchanged nervous looks as a panoply of projectiles punched through the air around them. Spike arched an eye. “Is this a class or a war zone?”
Cheerilee walked back to her friends with even more blue liquid dripping in her coat. “So, let’s find you a chalkboard.”
Twilight stared at the schoolmare. A rocket exploded on a hastily-erected force screen; the liquid was quickly wiped off with force windshield wipers.
“Cheeri, how do you do it? This place is a madhouse! Despite that fact you’re always smiling like Pinkie on those noxious energy drinks.”
Spike giggled. “Yeah, Twilight would have already incinerated this place in a demonstrative fireball.” He earned a dirty look with a mix of curiosity. “Hey, I read those vocabulary books you leave in the outhouse sometimes, Twi.” “Yeah, when I take your comics, that is.”
The schoolmare continued to beam at her friends. “It’s easy. I grant you the class is loud, chaotic, and messy. There’s one thing that saves me from all of that.” A huge explosion rocked the back of the classroom as a canister embedded itself in the ceiling. Applebloom brandished a hammer in triumph before dropping it on the desk. “Ah told you a crumbly tablet would get a better reaction time, Scoot.”
Cheerilee sighed in contentment. “It works, Twi. I just need to know that it’s working.”
The sound of a distant train whistle broke Cheerilee out of her reverie. I’ll be out of town before you know it, Luna. Hopefully you’ll forgive me.
Red Glare galloped through the streets as the train whistle echoed through the alleyways. He cast a plaintive gaze towards the full moon. Oh, bugger. Lady of the Grand Galaxies, please don’t let me be late.
Elsewhere, the train whistle was barely audible. The halls of a modest home on edge the of New Canterlot echoed with ticking. To the average visitor the diversity of the clocks and watches on the walls would be fascinating. They might comment on the disturbing disharmony of chimes throughout the building, but the visual effect was still stunning. To a visitor who spent a millennium on the lunar surface it was nothing short of magical.
Placeholder walked out of his living room, finding Princess Luna staring at a grandfather clock. Behind her the moon shone down through the open window she had undoubtedly flown in through. “Fair schoolmaster, pardon me if my intrusion upsets thy schedule.”
Placeholder chuckled to himself. “My Lady, I doubt that would happen.” He had just been cleaning up his dinner. If she had come on any other day he would still be just cleaning up dinner; dinner began promptly at half past six and ended at eight. Placeholder had just finished his established twelve minutes of tidying, with a variation of two minutes well within his expectations for Tuesday Night Pasta Night. He briefly frowned when considering the implications of the divine interruption; it might stall his clock cleaning by more than an hour. “My lady, this is an unexpected but pleasant interruption. How can I assist you?”
The Princess furrowed her brow in thought. She continued examining the clocks as she questioned her loyal if impatient subject. “There is disharmony here. Pray tell, why are the clocks running differently? I notice many of them do not run at all.”
Placeholder chuckled. He walked over to the Princess as gestured at a specific clock with his horn. “Did you notice this one, Your Majesty?”
She cheerfully clapped her hooves on the floor. “Indeed, it is a most delightful contraption. I notice it has a wooden mare and stallion that approach each other slowly upon each minute.”
Placeholder nodded. “It’s a Tickcount original. The wooden players have danced their dance for over 50 years. Twenty-four times a day the stallion proposes and the mare joyfully accepts. Giving the recorded time of construction, I calculate it will run for another two years and seventeen days.”
Luna gave a disconcerted glance to the unicorn. “I do not comprehend. Could not the clock be wound further? Surely such a fine clock could be kept so that its run may be doubled?”
Placeholder nodded. “Quite easily so, Your Galactic Magnificence. The lever on the left is the winding mechanism. However, I enjoy watching them wind down.”
Luna gave a start. “That is why the ticking is irregular.”
“Indeed! I find a simple comfort in the ending of the clocks. They were constructed, set in motion, and end on a predictable schedule. Things are running down well here. I appreciate a well-moderated finish. People love endings, after all. If you continue a story too long instead of ending terrible things happen. I walk down this hallway and see things completed, story concluded. Everything ends, after all; there’s no shame in making sure the endings are handled well.”
He chuckled to himself. “Why, I imagine even ponies will end, one day. Perhaps there will come a time when you and your sister will close the door on a silent Equestria and move on to the next carefully selected planet in an orderly fashion. I’m sure the final ponies of that time will appreciate your help in making sure their passing comes easily.”
Luna stood motionless for many moments before Placeholder interrupted her train of thought. “Your Majesty, was there some issue you wished to discuss?”
Luna’s thoughts returned to the present. “I wished to discuss how we could aid Cheerilee in her teaching endeavors. I have heard she is finding some difficulty.”
Placeholder shook his head. “I can give her some suggestions to make the closing easier. It should come swiftly.”
Luna turned to look the principal in the eye. “And what of succeeding? Could there not be a way for the situation to turn?”
Placeholder gave a patronizing grin to the Princess. “My Lady, you saw my cutie mark before you hired me. We all are bound where our talents lie.”
Luna looked at him askance. “Leave us, Placeholder. We would be alone now.” He happily complied, overjoyed at the end to schedule deviation. Luna was still at the window for long enough to watch several planets in their path across the sky. No emotion registered on the star-gazing alicorn’s face. Suddenly, a mix of rage and determination crept in as she turned back toward the wall, horn shining brightly.
She wound the clock for the next five hundred years and flew away into the night sky.
For the first time I’m glad I got Dad’s stamina; if I got Mom’s wings I’d probably have had a heart attack by now.
Red filled the empty train station with echoes as he galloped from room to room. New Canterlot didn’t get a lot of train travel. Most Equestrians had no reason to come and most locals were too stubborn to leave. There has to be somepony here, even at this time of night!
He skipped in his tracks as he heard clanking and off-key singing to the side of him. He ducked his head into a hazy room of noisy machines. Various disassembled train parts filled the floor of the room as densely as the few running mechanisms filled the air with smog. An engineer mare was doing a terrible rendition of a pop love song as she worked on the machinery. Red cleared his throat to get her attention; he failed to notice her eyes light up as she turned to him.
Celestia, look at the marks on his lab coat! That handsome pony knows his stuff.
“Evening, sir! Is there anything I can do for you here?” She started idly playing with her mane.
Red nodded. “Looking for an earth pony mare!” Her ears perked up. “She’s kind of a deep red. I think might be mauve. Is that mauve? I never got colors well.” The ears drooped downwards.
Suddenly Red’s eyes caught a welcome sight. He could barely look through the engine smoke to see her out the opposite doorway, pacing back and forth. “There she is! Sorry for bothering you, miss!” He ran through the haze.
The sad-eyed mechanic girl sat on her haunches watching the retreating science teacher. She sniffed once, and then turned her nose to sniff herself. Her eyes nearly bugged out at the perspiration. That’s the last time I use the cheap perfume.
Cheerilee saw the train moving over the mountain passes by the bright moonlight. It couldn’t be more than a few minutes now. She started walking over to Screwball when a scarlet form smashed into her sideways. Pulling her head up she stared into the bashful face of Red.
“Sorry about that. Neighton’s First Law about objects and motion and all that.”
He nervously nickered. She narrowed her eyes. “I know physics, Red. You could still get off me.”
The embarrassed science stallion extricated himself from the pile of limbs. “Sorry terribly! I just needed to…” His voice and determination trailed off into uncertainty.
Cheerilee’s face softened. “Red, I really appreciate the personal send off. I should have said something to the rest of the staff. I guess I was too embarrassed to show my face again.”
Red’s eyes went wide. “Embarrassed? Everypony loves you! The kids talk about you in class. Come on, if I left town every time something went wrong in the class I’d be teaching buffaloes by now.”
She shook her head. “Sometimes in that classroom I feel I’ve got to run away; I’ve got to get away.” Cheerilee started straightening her cart. “I appreciate Globe and Goldy and you. I just don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything. The parents sure don’t have any faith in me.”
Red rolled his eyes. “Lookout is a hardflank. His family hasn’t had the best time of it this year. Oh, speaking of!” Red pulled out a semi-crumpled sheet of paper from his coat. “Wred iht,” he shouted with a full mouth.
Cheerilee pawed the note onto the ground, wiping off a glop of Red’s saliva.
Dear miss Cherrily, For this assignment I had to wright want I would ask for with a manticor’s paw and I would want to wish for my older sister because. We lost her in a machinery accident and I think about her a lot because I have to work some of her old day shifts because we have to pull out enough shale this season. I miss her because she was funny and she would sneak books to me because my dad doesn’t like me taking my head off of the mine.
I would also want Sledge banished to the moon because class would be better. Those are all the wishes I need. In Conclusion you could have the last one because I like your class.
Screwy walked nervously over to Cheerilee and Red. She noticed her adopted ‘aunt’ was shaking and dropping water out of her face on a piece of paper. “Are you happy, Cheerilee?” The purple teen pensively waited for an answer.
Cheerilee stopped for a second. She proceeded to spin around, grinning in Screwball’s face. “I’m wonderful. Screwy, get the cart over to the ticket office so we can get a refund.” She nodded to herself. “We’ll need the bits to pick up some supplies. I think the Barns and Nobles closes late tonight, so let’s get galloping.”
Red raised his eyebrows in confusion. Cheerilee turned with a genuine smile on her face. “Red, why was Lookout yelling at his son? Come on class, you know the answer.”
The science pony stepped back in confusion. “He hates everything we stand for, along with puppies and rabbits?”
Cheerilee shook her head. “That’s an excellent creative answer!” She stepped forward. “Red, Sluice was ‘supposed’ to be covering his sister’s work schedule. He was at school instead of at the mine.” She beamed. “He was playing hooky by coming to my class.”
She stomped the ground. “Let’s get going! I have to get a test ready for tomorrow.”
Red smiled. “You’re staying then? Welcome back and all that, then?”
Cheerilee nodded. “Absolutely! You told me everything I needed to know, Red.” His confused gaze exploded as she stepped forward and planted a quick nuzzle on his cheek. “Its working, Red. No matter how crazy it seems, it’s still working.” She flashed the first genuine smile Red had seen on her.
Words tried to come out of Red’s mouth, but the syllables refused to work together. As the fuchsia earth mare walked over to the ticket booth a look of determination settled on her features. “I have books to buy, a young writer to reassure, and a geography test to make.” She gave a slight maniacal laugh that turned into a girlish giggle as she approached the ticket booth.
Red Glare’s brain gradually pulled itself together as he started trying out his legs. That…that was the heat of the moment, right?
Cheerilee’s classroom cuckoo was about to sound six on the hour. It puffed its chest out in anticipation, only to come face-to-face with the terrifying visage of Screwball. Her eyes promised violence and her teeth came to a crazy war face. The bird nodded and meekly walked back to his clock.
Screwball let out a long breath. She smiled as she turned to the sleeping adults. Cheerilee had collapsed in front of her desk a few scant hours ago. Red Glare had passed out first. He still lay in front of Cheerilee’s desk, slightly drooling into a pile of Barns and Noble wrappers. Cheerilee’s head lay on his shoulder. Her quill had fallen out of her mouth and emptied out on her right hoof. They both snored in unison in the middle of a pile of mouth-copied tests.
Screwy grinned, silently hopping up and down on one hoof. She placed the piles of test in the cart and started pulling it into the teacher’s room. She gave one last glare promising a painful defeathering to the cuckoo; the bird nodded with energy. Reassured, she pulled the cart into the hallway to make her delivery.
Cheerilee shook the sleep out of her eyes as the seven o’clock chirp sounded; to her ears it sounded strangely muted. She cracked open one eye to looked at a terrified bird hiding behind the clock. As the all-nighter came back to memory her mental soup of syllables coagulated into coherent thought. Ugh. There’s something else I haven’t done since college. We finished, right? She looked at the red pony to her left; he was deeply into a surprisingly realistic chainsaw impression.
"Wake up, Sleepyhead. We’ve got a teacher’s meeting in fifteen minutes.” She pushed off of him and gave a huge yawn. “Let’s get to the breakroom.”
He muttered incoherent sounds as he lifted his head. Red collided dead on with the side of the desk with a loud noise. “Lemme sleep; consciousness hurts.”
The schoolmare shook her head. He’s kind of cute when he’s clumsy. She started shaking Red awake. “Come on, Sleepyhead.”
Red Glare blinked his eyes open to Cheerilee’s wide smile. I could get used to this. He started carefully checking each leg for functionality.
She gave a warm grin. “It’s going to be an awesome day today.”
The earth ponies made their way into the breakroom to greetings from Globe and Goldy. The green unicorn laughed at the sight of the two ponies nearly sprawled out over the table. “You two have a rough night last night?”
Cheerilee nodded as she pulled the coffee jug over. Mr. Trotter’s laughter died out as he checked his in-box.
“What’s this? 'Princess Luna's Official Geography Competency Test'? ‘To be Given Immediately’?” He shook his head. “At least they made it a scanspell test. I tell you guys, standardized testing is ruining this educational system. At least I know the kids will ace this.”
Cheerilee gave a grin that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a super villain from a Mare-Do-Well comic.
Goldy pushed a bag in front of the nearly comatose literature teacher. “Screwball dropped this off for you.” Cheerilee inspected to bag to find a variety of objects not entirely unlike breakfast; first to greet her eyes were a jug of maple syrup and a tube of pancake dough resting on top of a bag of coffee beans. She sighed. At least there’s enough edible things here to tide me over until lunch.
She closed the bag. “Look Goldy, if Screwball is any trouble I’m sorry.” She forced her eyes to meet the stare of the Pegasus.
Golden Ratio screwed up her face in contemplation, and then laughed. “Not at all! I don’t know what I’d do with her. She spent most of yesterday’s class cleaning! I’ve never had my room in that order by the end of the day. Why, I’m certain fourth block reined themselves in because they were confused at the cleanliness!”
Globe settled into his seat with a floating cup of coffee. “Good girl, that one. She spent the entire class listening to me. I’m talking head on her hooves and eyes staring wide. She never even got to her work. I felt so bad for her I offered her make up work.”
Principal Placeholder walked into the break room whistling. “Good morning everypony. I’ve just had a visit from the Princess, so we must be doing something right. How is the morning treating you?”
Cheerilee slammed both her hooves onto the table and shouted, “Totally radical!” The entire room stared at her. She gave an embarrassed grin and sat back down. And it’s only going to get cooler.
Cheerilee’s Class, 7:57 am, Wednesday
“Good morning to you, Luster! Welcome back, Sledge! Yes, I did mean you. Come on in, Nailkicker!” Cheerilee greeted her students with enthusiasm at the door. They walked by her in confusion. Approaching the class Bomber turned to her friends.
“Do you think she’s gone totally spare? She’s smiling like a shark.”
A dark blue teen with a glimmering shovel for a cutie mark nickered. “She’s just trying to be nice, Bomber. I’d rather have her than the crazy Trotland loony back.”
Bomber shook her head as she approached the door. “Shinesteel, you’ll learn. She ain’t the wonderful miss you think she is.”
As Bomber walked to the door, her teacher waved her hoof emphatically. “Hello Bomber! Nice to see you again. That’s a lovely jacket, by the way.”
Bomber stopped dead in her tracks. Her head stayed still while her eyes grew wide. Shinesteel stepped away from her as most of the now-quiet class turned to stare. They all waited for the violent reaction promised by Bomber’s body language.
The teacher tried to think on her hooves. Okay Cheerilee, improvise. This is the moment; defuse this and she won’t do something she’ll regret. Where would a teen have gotten a leather jacket from?
The schoolmare played her hunch.
“The leather is amazing; it looks like it was perfectly preserved. Someone who cared a lot about you must have given you that gift.”
Bomber stopped breathing heavily. She raised eyes bleary with moisture toward Cheerilee. The young student threw a stare that questioned and challenged her teacher.
Sledge interrupted the silence as he climbed on top of a nearby desk. “Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Bomber responded by viciously bucking the desk Sledge was standing on. He clumsily tumbled off as she walked away. The class nickered as the tension defused.
Cheerilee walked over to Sledge. “I hope you aren’t hurt.”
He bit back sarcasm as he saw the concern in her eyes. “Ain’t even touched, miss. No filly gets the hurt on Sledge Rattlerock!” He walked back to his seat, giggling nervously.
Cheerilee walked to the front of the class as the bell rang. With a minimum of stamping she got their attention; she saw a sea of eyes balanced on the edge of imminent boredom. She took a deep breath and smiled as she looked at the pensive and tired form of Sluice. He smiled weakly.
I can do this. It’s working.
“Good morning. Can anyone give me the answer to today’s question?” A flood of hooves shot into the air. “Riversift, what is the Generous Meal?”
“Oh, it’s the bar on main street!” The young mare smiled.
Okay, got to make her feel accomplished instead of stupid. They give up so easily if their answer isn’t ‘right.’ “Good! Can anyone tell me where they got the picture in the sign from?”
“I know it! It’s the first dead guy to get eaten after the cave in!”
Cheerilee nodded. “Next time wait for my attention, Nailkicker. So where does that come from?”
The class was silent.
Cheerilee gestured to the stack of books behind her. “Today we find out!”
There was a collective groan. Even Sluice looked a little downfallen. “We’re reading about a bar, miss?”
Cheerilee laughed dramatically for the class. “We’ve got a new reading book. The author is the one that made up that phrase. I thought since you all knew that term you’d relate to the story.” She flipped a book up onto her hooves. “’Love, Life and Other Mining Accidents by Earnest Findingway. He was a Canterlot reporter who wrote about life in Old Canterlot. Sluice, could you pull my cart around so that everyone could get one?”
As he obediently complied, Bomber cast a sardonic look at Cheerilee. “You got old skinflint Placeholder to buy new books? ‘ow’d you do that when he won’t buy bathroom doors?”
The schoolmare shook her head. “I bought them. I thought you all deserved to read something that applied to your life for once.”
Luster peered closely at the book. “Miss, this must have cost over a hundred bits. Did you really buy all of these?”
Cheerilee nodded. A small rip sounded from the side of the class. Sledge, oblivious to the conversation, was tearing a piece off of one page. Suddenly he heard the rattle of hooves on desks; she saw the entire class staring at him with menace. He guiltily pushed the book to the side of the desk.
His teacher nodded. “Turn to page one; we’re reading a story called ‘Priorities.’ It’s about two gem thieves who hide in a mining tunnel with their loot. We’ll see what happens to them when a cave-in hits.”
Holding the book close to his eyes, Sledge slowly drawled out the final words of the surviving thief. “Naw, you don’t have to go back there. There’s nothin’ important.”
The class was silent. Cheerilee looked at all the faces of her students. Princesses, please let this work.
Luster exploded with enthusiasm. “I bet he went back for the gems!”
Sluice shook his head. “He dropped it down the shaft. They weren’t important, remember?”
Cheerilee grinned. A hoof shot up in the back. “Yes, Bomber?”
The filly looked ambivalent. “I don’t think I liked the story.” She looked embarrassed to speak; she expected to be lectured on ‘not getting it.’ Cheerilee merely nodded and motioned for her to go on. Slightly more relaxed now, the leather-clad pony continued.
“Ye feel bad for both of ‘im, ‘cause they’re trapped in the cave. Thing is, they’re both still bad ponies. They stole, they should get caught. One of ‘em got away.”
Cheerilee nodded. “Excellent analysis!”
Bomber squinted incredulously. “Miss, I just said yer story was rubbish.” The rest of the class looked expectantly, prepared for a trick from the teacher.
Cheerilee started pacing back and forth in front of the class. “I don’t like every story in the literature books. Neither do the professors in Canterlot University. You’re doing what they do; you’re breaking down the story and judging it. As long as you understand the story and contribute, you can say it bites hard.”
She grinned as several students gave the inevitable response, Sledge nearly shouting at the top of his lungs. She happily noted that most of the class disagreed. Placeholder suddenly stuck his head in the door. Examining the textbooks, he questioned the teacher. “Miss Cheerilee, did your class just yell that Earnest Findingway…’bites hard’?”
Bomber squirmed in her seat. Here it is. She sells us out now.
The schoolmare nodded proudly. “Absolutely! Not only that, these young literary critics can back it up with textual citations!” The ringing bell sound as Placeholder looked dumbfounded at the ecstatic earth pony. As the students stood up quickly, Cheerilee spoke politely but firmly. “Class?”
Everyone stopped to look at her.
“Your homework is to write about something that is very important to you.” She looked at Sluice. “I expect to be impressed; I’m already getting excellent homework. Dismissed!” Sluice stood unresponsive as Nailkicker gave him a congratulatory shoulder hoof. Cheerilee walked over to him and place his homework in front of him. “Sluice, it was very moving. You get a ‘B+’ for this one. Make the changes in red ink and I’ll raise it to an ‘A.’” She raised her eyebrows challengingly. He smiled as he carefully bit the paper and walked out.
The room was silent. A single grinning schoolmare stood with an exultant smile. She then immediately started jumping in place and flinging her hooves from side to side, eyes tightly closed.
“If I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance, if I had the dance I’d ask the WORLD TO DAAAAAAANCE!”
Suddenly she stopped. Her legs still crazily akimbo, she opened her eyes to meet the confused gaze of her second block staring at her through her door. Turning a slightly deeper shade of red, she went to open the door. The students giggled at her as she let them in.
This is just the opening band. The main show starts after school.
Golden Ratio was reclining on a cloud. The bell had sounded a few scant minutes ago, yet the white Pegasus was already far away mentally.
‘The suit-dressed diamond dog pointed with flair. “Your honor, if yoke not fit, you must acquit!” The jury suddenly gasped, panting breathlessly. The judge responded by drawing a miniature ballista. “Shut up! I have order in canine court, and I order you to die!”
Her mind gradually detached from her daydream world of courtrooms and crossbows when she made out shouting coming from the yard. Her shoulders tensed as she closed the John Growlssom novel. What did I do now?
She was relieved to see Cheerilee waving her down. Goldy descended slowly, casting her eyes sideways to look for Placeholder. “What’s going on? We don’t have a meeting after school, do we?”
Cheerilee nodded. “Special teacher-only emergency meeting called! Donuts served!” Goldy’s shoulders relaxed as she followed Cheerilee in. “Goldy, are there always low hanging clouds around here?”
The math mare looked proud of herself. “I always kick them into place at the beginning of the day. Maneuvering clouds is all angles and force calculations; I almost became a weather pony. They offered me a manager’s role out of college, actually.”
Cheerilee smiled. Bingo! The last piece falls into place.
They were greeted by the male faculty in the break room. Globe was slumped over a now-cold coffee, staring at a pile of papers dejectedly. He seemed to be hitting the donuts pretty hard. Red gave Cheerilee a knowing glance. I hope she can do this.
As Goldy took her place, Cheerilee bucked the door closed and kicked the lock up. She walked to Placeholder’s traditional place at the table and addressed her co-workers. “So, I suppose you’re all wondering what I called you for here today!” Goldy’s chuckle egged on the fuchsia pony’s ego. “We’re here to start a learning community! It’s time to brainstorm and share new ideas; we’re going to really get this school running.”
She was greeted by stares. Red Glare offered a tentative hoof clap, but Globe’s death-stare silenced him. The social studies unicorn stared at Cheerilee. “How are you going to do that with a social studies teacher that can’t teach?” Gasps came from the other school veterans. Goldy offered a hoof on his shoulder. “According to the test results my students don’t know anything! One of them said that Manehattan was a buffalo city! I bet the cuckoo could score higher than this.”
A disgruntled chirped sounded from above the teachers. They all saw a clock door slam shut.
Cheerilee walked over to Globe. Whew! All those hours of faking a district test worked. Let’s see if question twenty-three worked. “Trotter, you’re not a bad teacher; you’ve just made some bad pedagogical decisions. We’re here to talk about how we all could improve.”
The unicorn snorted. “Improve, you say? I gave out rewards and simple work. I gave them everything they wanted, and they didn’t respond. Nothing else would work; I might as well jump all hour.”
Cheerilee slammed her hoof on the table. A sprinkled donut flew up into the air. Without thinking she leaned forward and chomped it in one gulp, then resumed her stare of determination. The other teachers were quieted by her intensity and dental dexterity.
“Listen carefully! I know what we’re up against! I know how the students think we’re jokes, the parents think we’re babysitters, and the principal thinks we’re a captive audience. I also know there are four excellent teachers in this room that just need a few problems plugged up.” She stood on her back hooves and pointed squarely at Red. “You! Did you know that the catacombs beneath Cheval are five hundred years old?”
The confused earth pony shook his head. Should I have studied for this?
Cheerilee slammed the desk again. “I do! I do because Globe told me a story about an ex-girlfriend and him running through them hiding from the constables. I can completely list the architectural features he described hiding behind.” She smiled at Globe. “And yet this amazing storyteller only lectures in class about his cousin Merv Spudcake and the knish factory! I bet that the question about the Manehattan potato crop was the only one every student got right!” Globe was smiling back. He was nodding to himself.
She threw the accusing hoof at Red. “What is the only part of your class that students pay attention to?”
Red gulped as his mental wall crumbled and uncomfortable truths poured in. I thought she’d go easy on me. “The moment I set off the demonstrations, Miss Cheerilee.” Red bounced his hoof on the table in anxiety.
Cheerilee placed a hoof around his shoulder. “So why don’t you have labs instead? Why aren’t the students doing science themselves?”
Red nickered. “The kids aren’t interested in science enough.”
The exasperated Ponyville girl gestured wildly with her hooves while shouting. “And why aren’t they interested in science enough?”
Red opened his mouth wide enough to swallow a Canterlot whale blimp. His lips moved silently. Goldy leaned over to him with a smile. “Is it because you aren’t doing labs?”
As Red blinked to himself with revelation, Goldy turned to Cheerilee. “I’m a great math teacher. I just don’t have any control. Do you have an idea for that?” The earth pony nodded. A look of anticipation crossed the face of the pegasus.
Globe stood up. “This is a rousing speech, but do you have any proof that you can actually reach these kids?”
Cheerilee nodded proudly. Time to hit them with my best shot. “I graded a homework assignment last night.” The staff gave incredulous gasps. Goldy jumped in from of the boys to question Cheerilee. “Where is it? I want to see it!”
Cheerilee grinned. Fire away! “I had to give it back; the student wanted to make corrections.”
The faculty was stunned. A tear streamed down Goldy’s face. “I used to think that the day would never come.”
Cheerilee reared back and pointed dramatically at the co-workers. “My cutie mark is for inspiring students. I have ideas for all of your classes. Listen to me and we’ll turn this place around. Ladies and gentlecolts,” Cheerilee paused as she placed dark glasses on her eyes. “The future’s so bright we’ll have to wear shades.”
Globe looked thoughtful. “Lady, if you can do this you’re my own personal Celestia. How do we start?”
Globe Trotter stands in front of his class. Smiling, he shows a picture of the Eyefull Tower. The class yawns. Globe frowns. Cheerilee shakes her head from the doorway. Globe shows a picture of himself levitating a pretty smiling mare off the tower’s top. The class turns to him. Cheerilee nods. Globe smiles.
Goldy’s class is tearing the pages out of workbooks. Sledge winds up his limb and throws a paper ball at the teacher’s desk. He and the ball are blown against the wall by gale force winds. The entire class drops their paper as Goldy stands with her front hooves crossed, flanked by two storm clouds. She lightly taps one and burns a paper on the floor with a lightning bolt. Sledge starts sweating.
Cheerilee looks at Red expectantly. He pulls out a box of baking soda. She shakes her head. He pulls out a volcano model. She shakes her head harder. He walks into the closet; many boxes tumble out. Cheerilee looks in nervously; Red is surrounded by fallen junk and holds an opened box. Cheerilee’s eyes go wide as she looks inside.
Placeholder sticks his head in Globe’s room. Globe reads from a book while dressed as a Hayrabian warrior. Placeholder raises a hoof to interrupt; the entire class turns and shushes him. Placeholder nervously walks out backwards.
Goldy’s class pick up their workbooks. They looked nonplussed. The books are flung out of their hooves by a strong wind. Goldy stands in front of two piles of books; one is marked ‘Jewelry and Gems’ and the other is marked ‘Racecarts and Rims Monthly.’ The board reads ‘You have a 200 bit budget per month. Plan the year. ’ The students run to grab the catalogs.
Cheerilee rests her head on the pile of work on her apartment floor. Screwy pulls a blanket over her and pats her head. She looks at the cuckoo and draws her hoof across her throat slowly. He salutes.
Red passes blank lab reports around his class. They roll their eyes dramatically. Luster yawns and gossips to her friends. Red then places a rocket launcher in front of the class. The rocket is made from soda bottles. The launcher is a modified bicycle pump. Bomber sits straight up and covers Lusters mouth with her hoof. Her crazy smile is wide.
The class follows Goldy into the courtyard. She stops at three boxes. She passes protractors, compasses, and rulers out from the first. They look askance at her. She pulls out abacuses from the next box. They look bored. She opens the third box and starts passing out kites. Screwball starts jumping in anticipation. She looks at Quest. Quest nervously joins in.
Red walks past groups of students launching rockets and writing lab reports. Sluice’s rocket is streamlined and lean. Red nods. Luster’s is a glittering rod of costume gems and streamers. He shakes his head with a smirk. Bomber’s is a giant, spiky ten-foot death projectile on a modified steam-powered launcher. He faints with a smile.
The entire class is enjoying Sluice’s story as he stand in front of the class and reads. No one notices the smiling form of Cheerilee is yawning at her desk. She downs a coffee and listens happily.
Custodian Cleansweep sees that Globe’s class is empty. The board reads ‘Battle of Haystings Simulation today.’ He looks out the north window as a screaming Sledge in cardboard armor runs from foam arrows. Going to a west hallway window he sees Goldy’s students are measuring the angles of their kites. At the south side of the courtyard Red’s class is launching chemical-powered rockets hundreds of feet into the mountain. He walks into the last classroom. Cheerilee is asleep surrounded by stacks of papers. He smiles, then picks up a drawing left on a desk and whistles. He drops his broom and kicks back in a desk to enjoy the artwork.
The music stopped as a sickly yellow magic aura pulls the needle off the record.
“I never thought of you as a music fan, Placeholder,” commented a voice dripping with sardonic menace.
The portly unicorn swallowed. “Not usually, sir. I do admit that. Miss Cheerilee never stops singing when she thinks everyone’s out of earshot. Thinks being the operative word in this case. She serenades the school, and no one has the heart to stop her. Wonderful singing voice, after all. Her ditties certainly do get stuck in one’s head.” He offers the nervous propitiating smile minions usually give to homicidal efficiency-minded demigods.
The dark figure settled onto the office cushion. “Ah, the little girl from Cherry Lawn. How did she get so bold? I thought I had trimmed that particular over-caffeinated weed, but apparently the heart of rock and roll is still beating.”
Placeholder timidly passed paperwork through the air to the intimidating official. “Our scores are up across the board. We’ll be ending as one of the most effective schools in the district.” He chuckled. “The staff seemed to believe we won’t actually be closing.”
The shadowy lord of paperwork stood. “That would be the influence of Little Miss Sunshine-Lollipops-and-Collateral-Damage. I think dear Madame Don’t Stop Believing has a rude awakening awaiting her.”
Prunecrop smiled the grin of a Quarry Eel as he leaned in to grin at the nervous Placeholder. “You don’t actually think she’ll win, do you?”
Next Chapter: Cheerilee takes to the airwaves to save the school with the Spirit of Radio! Can two famous broadcasters help her? Can they at least agree if Rainbow Dash or Twilight Sparkle is the best pony? The mystery of Bomber's jacket revealed! Finally, a certain Draconequus stops by for a parent conference…
The day the insanity started began quietly. By the middle of first block most students were completely unaware of Cheerilee’s presence. The schoolmare walked among her students unseen and silent. The colts and fillies had their nose shoved into the tragic and touching romance of ‘The Old Man and the Sea Pony;’ Cheerilee could probably use an Emergency Parasprite Polka Pack without distracting most of the quiet reading groups.
She sighed as she sighted Bomber’s desk. Most is the operative word.
The leather-clad filly was writing furiously, her pen nearly swallowed whole. Cheerilee walked behind her desk on a wide path. Slowly and deliberately she softly tread behind Bomber’s line of sight. An anticipatory grin flashed as Cheerilee leaned over her shoulder.
“What are you working on, Bomber?”
The young mare nearly leaped out of her desk with a soft, high-pitched yelp. Sometimes it’s so easy, I’m ashamed of myself. Cheerilee quickly turned her grin of triumph into the perennial pleasant teacher’s smile. I feel slightly guilty for never getting tired of that.
“Bomber, you know my policy on writing notes in class. Could you pass it here so I can add grammatical correction marks? I expect it turned in tomorrow morning.”
The filly snorted. “There may be errors, but you’d have to cross the hall to complain. I’m doing me homework.”
Cheerilee stared. Bomber was indeed deep into a science assignment. Chemical notations and elaborate math covered the sheet in cribbed mouthwriting. Wow. Red’s doing something right with this one.
“I do appreciate your motivation, but could you get the current assignment done first? I can help if you’re stuck on something.”
Bomber rolled her eyes. “I don’t much fall for the romantic mush, Miss. Seems a buncha’ exaggeration. Nobody really falls for it like this; ponies mostly fall for each other when they need something or get in trouble together.” She immediately went back to her assignment.
Cheerilee moved around into Bomber’s vision. She could see to her right Luster giving her a pensive look, dreading the inevitable conversation.
“Bomber, could you step outside with me for a second?”
The student pretended not to notice as she worked magic in chemical formulae.
“Bomber, I would hate to talk to your parents about your defiance.”
The peach-colored filly snorted as she violently stood up. Her limbs pushed the desk a few hoofs away; the noise even roused Sledge. Nailkicker sat up attentively, eyes scanning for trouble.
Bomber snarled at Cheerilee. “Come on then! Yell at me for doin’ homework. Let’s take this outside. Have a go if yer hard enough!” She stomped off in a huff.
As the schoolmare watch the retreating form of Bomber, Luster put an unsteady hoof on Cheerilee’s shoulder. “It’s her uncle, Miss.” Her eyes looked at the schoolmare pleadingly. “It’s just her uncle left to her.”
The teacher paused. Nodding gently, she walked just inside the doorway as Bomber took up the traditional position just out of sight on the wall. Cheerilee cast a glance to her class; they all either went back to their book or did a good job of pretending. She trotted out toward her inevitable confrontation.
I’ve tried everything to get into her armor. There has to be something that will get her emotional wall down. She sighed. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
She sighed. “Bomber, why do you think we’re here?”
Bomber slammed her left hoof into the outside wall. “’Cause there ain’t nothing I can do; yer always gonna dump on me no matter what I do! I might as well drag it out in the open; I ain’t gonna hide me head.”
Cheerilee swallowed. “Listen, if you have a problem with me we could bring your uncle in for a conference.”
Bomber moved her face threateningly close to her teacher’s. “Leave my family out of this.”
The schoolmare took a step backwards. “Bomber, why do you give me such an attitude? Your grades have picked up in every other class except mine; I can’t understand the reason.”
The filly’s stare didn’t waver. “I’ve been trained on bullies; I’ve known what you were since you got here. Someone’s going to have to stand up to you once you turn on us.” She spat on the ground. “A grown-up is either a pushover or a bully. Me mates only need help with one; that’s why they don’t need me in the other classes.”
Cheerilee had no response. She stood in confusion. Bomber stared at her for a few moments. “Am I dismissed, Miss?”
The staggered schoolmare was about to answer her when a group of adults walked out of the office. A small delegation approached the central hallway intersection. An obsequious Placeholder was fawning over a grey unicorn stallion Cheerilee had hoped to never see again.
What is Prunecrop doing here? The administrator’s sharpened chartreuse horn flared as he wrote on a hovering clipboard. He offered an occasional one-word response to the portly principal who followed him.
Behind him was Forestallion Lookout. The gruff town leader was discussing some kind of blueprint with a squat and muscular stallion. The diminutive light-orange worker had a darker orange beard; his cutie mark showed a horned helmet over crossed pick-axes.
Cheerilee turned to Bomber. The young filly stared daggers at Sluice’s father. Well, that fits with my impression. ”Bomber, could you wait here a second?” She left the confused student standing at the doorway.
The fuchsia mare politely approached the delegation as they stood in the middle of the hallway. She overheard snippets of conversation.
“…and whose idea was it to open these windows? These miscreants need little help in their constant escape plans.”
“We could take out this entire wall here and store carts in the overlapping area during construction.”
“A-yeah-hey-hay. A few holes make the run-vrooms fit nice-nice.”
Cheerilee walked over as she finally caught Placeholder’s voice.
“…that is, the highest scores in any closing school in the last decade.”
She cleared her throat. “Closing is no longer the best solution though, correct?”
The four stallions turned to her. The miner ponies soon continued as if she hadn’t spoken; Placeholder’s eyes showed fear.
“My dear Cheerilee! This is the joint committee for the school’s closing. You know Mister Lookout; this is his engineering associate… ” He gestured at the shorter stallion, obviously fishing for a name.
“Diggy Diggyhole!”
Cheerilee stared.
“Best ‘round here now for diggin’ a hole, Bob’s yer uncle!"
She shook her head to clear the crazy out. “I see you’ve joined us as well, Mr. Prunecrop.”
Placeholder looked a little relieved. “Ah, you know the regional administrator then?”
Cheerilee frowned. Regional administrator? How did he get promoted?
The conversation stopped as the participants noticed a sickly-yellow glowing horn sparkle on Cheerilee’s side. She yelped as the stealthy administrator smiled. So that’s what that feels like.
“Miss Cheerilee! Such a pleasure to see you consigned to a place where you talents may be put on display. I understand your school’s fate and your career are mirroring each other in pleasant synchronicity.”
She glared. “Well Mr. Prunecrop, I understand congratulations are in order for you. However did you become a district-level administrator? Surely your merciful side showed at last?” …maybe under a microscope?
He preened. “I gave a speech at the regional meeting about what I was doing for small-town education; the story of my removal of a tiny burg’s incompetent teacher and the gratitude of the populace.” His eyes widened with glee. “They promoted me after a tearful round of applause. I admit I may have talked up the details; I believe one sweet old retired schoolmare is still having nightmares about your neglect of your students.”
Cheerilee shivered as a flash of anger passed through her.
“So thanks go to you, dear. I couldn’t have done it without you. Without that little meeting we had that I so love to reflect on I wouldn’t be heading this committee.”
“And what, pray tell, is the purpose of this committee?” Must control hoof of death.
He clapped joyfully on the ground. “Why, the imminent demolition of this educational eyesore, of course! Mr. Lookout has plans to make this area a much-needed town water reservoir.”
Cheerilee started to feel a low flare of panic in her soul. “Mr. Prunecrop, we’ve made some incredible steps forwards in the past few months. Our scores have increased across the board and the student buy-in is incredible. I could show you our new student rocketry club, or our medieval enactment society.”
Prunecrop gently shook his head. “That’s nice and lovely and more than a little amusing, dear Miss Cheerilee. The fact is this entire school is going to shortly be…” He cast a glance at the mining associate, who was looking fit to burst with pride.
“A hole!” The shorter pony started cavorting down the hallways, singing to himself.
The aged unicorn shook his head in amusement. “Well, we certainly can’t ask for more than enthusiasm in our jobs, could we? Except for a little sense of competence around small children, I suppose.” His eyes flashed cruelly at the schoolmare.
I can’t let him get to me. Okay, he’s getting to me; I can’t let it show!
Lookout trotted over to the conversation. “I honestly think we’re doing you a favor, Miss. I’ve got no idea how you work around these reprobates.” He nodded toward the form of the eaves-dropping Bomber. “That’s ones been poison ever since her Da took his last roam away from decent civilization with her Ma in tow.”
Cheerilee heard a gasp from behind her and gritted her teeth. “Gentlemen, that ‘reprobate’ is third in math and first in science in our school. She’s working a full two grade levels ahead in chemistry and physics.”
Prunecrop placed a foreleg over Cheerilee’s shoulder. “Ah, but soon all of those naïve and useless dreams will share a place with your career in a nice, big hole.” The mining pony down the hall echoed the administrator’s last word. As Prunecrop saw the fear in the schoolmare’s eyes he grinned. “I’ve seen that look of realization before, Miss Cheerilee. That’s the terror of knowing what this world is about. Welcome to reality.”
The school mare looked at Placeholder. He had the frightened look of someone with no limbs being asked to toss a life rope to a drowning mare. She saw no help forthcoming and returned to pleading her case. “Sir, you’ve seen what we’ve done here; the scores are fantastic and the activities are unique. Incident reports are down 77%! Just a little more time is all we're asking for!” She reached out with a hoof to her principal. “Help me, please!”
Placeholder looked back and forth between the feuding educators. “I… I don’t know how.”
Prunecrop snickered. “Miss Cheerilee, just a little more time won’t open closing doors. This place is a waste of bits all around. These are mining pony children who will grow up to be mining pony taxpayers. Their taxpaying parents want them in the mines producing for the good of community.”
Cheerilee snorted indignantly. “They want a community of only miners? They want no doctors to treat injuries, no writers to give them things to pass the time with? Red’s students alone may invent entirely new ways to mine!”
Prunecrop shook his head. “From the reports I’ve heard they’ll only invent a faster way to demolish this building." He looked at her like a teacher looking at a naïve, uncomprehending student. “I answer purely to the will of the community. The community doesn’t care, and the town meeting referendum will show that with the final vote three weeks from now. ”
A realization trickled across Cheerilee’s senses. The schoolmare turned to look at her ‘audience.’ The loud argument had percolated into the ears of the entire school; heads were peeking out of every door in the small building. Globe looked incredulous, while Goldy was almost in tears. Red had a look of pure hate burning into the gray administrator. Screwball was sniffling down the hallway with Quest using his hoof to rub her shoulder for comfort.
I will NOT break down in front of Screwy because of this gelding!
Cheerilee’s smile made a triumphant return. “Thank you, sir!”
Prunecrop furrowed his brow. This was supposed to be the part of his job he most enjoyed; being terrible to ponies for the right reasons. He should be enjoying the fuchsia mare’s sobbing breakdown. Disappointed, he inquired, “What have I done to ‘help’ you in any way, aside from showing you why you should change profession?”
“Sir, now we have a concrete deadline. We have three weeks to get those parents to care.” She turned back to face him. “Then we’ll only need you to give me the award when one of us gets the Best Equestrian Teacher Trophy.” She gave a long smile. “I can help you write the introduction speech if you need it.”
She heard giggles and a few hoofclaps from down the hall. “Mr. Prunecrop, with a little perseverance you can get things done.”
He snorted. “I certainly hope you can keep a bright demeanor when you leave here on a train back to…” He furrowed his brow in mocked concentration. “Say, you don’t actually have anywhere else, do you? You’re on a road to nowhere, Miss Cheerilee. Good day.”
He paced off. Placeholder gave her a look of sympathy as he trotted off. Diggy followed, singing to himself. Only Lookout remained; he gave Cheerilee an incredulous look.
“Do you have any further comments, Mr. Hardpick?” She kept her tone completely diplomatic and civil with an effort she imagined must be like raising the Sun.
He shook his head. “I got some respect for anyone who tries to dig a mine with her bare hooves. I just know that the rock always wins.” He nodded politely and walked off.
Cleansweep, who had been watching the entire conflict, suddenly looked in panic at a nearby cuckoo who was gesturing madly. The janitor started slamming on the school bell with force; he hoped no one would notice second block was running behind.
Cheerilee quaked with tension. She saw the student body staring at her; Bomber’s eyes were wide in confusion. “Bomber, could you stay after class for just a second?” The contemplative filly weakly nodded. The schoolmare limply walked into her room.
Cheerilee walked to her desk with effort and turned to her class. They hadn’t budged from their seats. She brought on the emergency smile.
“Well, head out everyone. It’s over.” She hunched hooves across her desk as a peach filly walked over to her. Cheerilee raised an eyebrow.
“Bomber, I’m sorry I threatened you when we first met; I had no idea you would take it so harshly.” She leaned forward. “You don’t have to like me, but please do your make-up work when you can. You can hate the class. You can hate me as much as you want to.” She made eye contact through bleary moisture. “I just want you to learn, Bomber.”
The buzz cut-haired filly nodded almost unperceptively. Her face was unreadable.
“Bomber, why don’t you pack up your things? We could finish talking later; I wouldn’t want you to be tardy for Mr. Glare’s class.”
As the filly turned to her desk, Cheerilee let her head drop onto the desk for a second. After a beat she lifted it up again. She was smiling.
The mask’s back in place. She waved in the crowd of the next hour’s students whom were already standing at the door. Can’t let it drop for a second; I’m the only smiling adult some of these kids see in a day. That has to be worth something, right?
She tried hard to forget about Prunecrop’s words as she walked to her door.
Hours later, Cheerilee had mostly succeeded in shoving her neuroses in the back of her brain. During a class she had always had a problem thinking far in the future; the choice of tonight’s dinner seems so far away when five emergencies need your immediate attention. She finally remembered the earlier confrontation when her own students brought it up.
Third block was running down. The children were discussing the end of their story to themselves. Flip Turnpage was engaged in a heated argument with Crunch Tallymark over the potential ‘bonuses’ of a half-earth pony half-sea pony hybrid. Quest walked over to the desk where Cheerilee was both getting a head start on grading and catching up on the day’s attendance.
“Um, Miss?” He seemed nervous, casting glances around to make sure no other students were around. Cheerilee smiled.
“You can use the restroom between classes, Quest. It’s too close to the end of the hour.”
He shook his head, surprised. “I was wondering if Screwball could come over to my house tonight. To play a game, I mean. With everyone else. And my parents. Well,” he was almost sweating with nervousness as he paused to wipe his glasses. “I mean my parents will be there. They don’t play the games with us anymore after the incident with the minotaur.”
Cheerilee considered the offer. “I know she’s got homework. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
Quest turned back to look at Screwball, currently rereading the story in reverse.
“Miss, I want to take her mind off of what happened today. She’s been broken up all day thinking about what that pointy-headed ooze said to you.” He looked pleadingly at his teacher.
The schoolmare smiled. “I’ve heard that friendship can work magic. You have my blessing.” She called over her ‘niece.’ Now, what was her character’s name? She has drawings all taped up all over the wall at home. “Screwy, what would Pearlshield say to spending time with your friends tonight?”
Screwy stood at attention. “Fear not, Noble Sorceress! Pearlshield shall handle both the recovery of the Seaweed Kingdom’s Prince and thine writing assignment!”
She gave Cheerilee a tight hug. The older mare giggled as they walked away. The ringing bell soon carried away her students and swept in her planning period.
Halfway through her planning, Cheerilee was starting to nod off. The solitude and tedium of grading led to frequent unexpected naps on her desk. She was wavering in and out of consciousness when a knock sounded at her door.
“Flowers! Is there a Che Erie Ley here?”
Red, you shouldn’t have. Her mood started to brighten as she paced over to the door. Her heart stopped as it opened.
She was greeted by an explosion of flowers. They settled on every surface and immediately took root, spontaneous blooming as clouds of gummy worms crawled out of them. In the middle of the cacophony, a pony-headed pile of parts swept through the air over her, stopping to hover over her desk, which immediately started tap-dancing with joy.
This is impossible. He’s stone. That can’t be Discord. I’m dreaming.
“My dear teacher, congratulations are in order! I thought you would organize this wonderful pit of chaos.” He drew a wet hoofkerchief out of the air, drying it as he blew into it. “It turns out you’ll leave this place worse than before you came; I’m touched.” He gave a self-satisfied grin to the terrified earth pony.
Okay, what would Twilight do in this situation? Act like she always does. Cheerilee’s heart came close to bursting as she padded over to the powerful spirit. She worked to keep all fear out of her voice. “Get…get out of my class, Discord.”
The Draconequus simply stared, blinking for a second. He then convulsed into fits of laughter as he flew through the room in a barrel roll.
“Really, my dear pony? That’s simply too much. I’d expect that from your dearest smoozy-woozy friends, but you?” He levitated in front of her, locking gazes from a few scant inches away. “You don’t have an Element of Harmony, you need stamps to contact a princess, and your special talent involves book reports.” He drew himself to attention behind a conjured podium; closing his eyes and raising his right claw he mimicked Applejack’s accent. “Pony, I know Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle is a close personal nemesis of mine.” He opened his eyes with a cruel flash. “Dear pony, you are no Twilight Sparkle.”
Cheerilee backed up until her rump touched the wall. With a hiss a candied flower exploded, showering crawling gummy worms over her back. She squealed in terror, jumping sideways. Discord guffawed. Cheerilee shrank down onto her hooves with tears in her eyes.
“Someone’s going to hear all this. Globe’s class is probably getting help as we speak.”
Discord flew to the door as pointed a thumb at the hallway. Red Glare walked into view, waving a hoof. He then cocked his head and nodded, then walked off.
Discord shook his head, clucking with his tongue. “Science is the noble art of taking away the fun with predictability.” The Draconequus created an apple pie; it exploded, sending miniature stars and galaxies flying into the air from the burst crust. Discord blew the spreading cosmos out like a birthday candle. “I prefer randomness.” He shrugged and returned his attention to the terrified mare.
“Dear Miss Cheerilee, they see only what I want them to see.” He floated sideways to her until his head was upside-down on top of hers. They locked eyes. “I can do anything I want here. With a thought I could rearrange your internal organs.” He chortled darkly. “Perhaps I just did.”
Well, he loves to monologue. Got to keep him talking until I get a plan. Have to keep him entertained. "This doesn’t seem like your usual behavior, Discord. The Draconequus who held Equestria in his grip is settling for pranking a classroom? Sounds kind of out of character to me.”
The chaos lord settled on the ground. He was suddenly wearing an orange jumpsuit and a simple zebra-striped prisoner’s hat. Cheerilee’s right hoof became hoofcuffed to his left arm, and he pulled her across the floor to him.
“Unfortunately my dear teacher, I have had to adapt my skill to my situation.” An anger that could crack continents briefly bubbled to the surface. “I have to be a little more subtle now that Princess Borelestia and her student Sparkling Flank have casted tracking spells.” He threw his arm across his brow theatrically, tossing Cheerilee into the air. She hung several feet off the ground. “Oh, what I would give for an appreciative audience. The pink one had potential, but she sealed me away anyway. Peer pressure can be so cruel!”
He slipped his claw out of the hoofcuff. It levitated in place, dangling Cheerilee off the floor. He was suddenly wearing the outfit of a cheap crystal ball game show host. “But that’s not what we’ve come here to discuss!” Two bleachers appeared on either side of the room. They were packed with cheering armadillos in sombreros. Discord was standing behind a podium again, looking at an index card. “Miss Cheerilee from Cherry Lawn, welcome to ‘This Was Your Life’!
The armadillos applauded as Cheerilee gritted her teeth. Hanging from the hoofcuff was painful; her hoof and forelimb felt like they were going to be snapped apart by gravity. Right between the cannon and pastern, she thought with a strange detachment. She saw through a haze of red, straining to lift herself onto the floating hoofcuffs. They suddenly released, applauding her with high-pitched clinking noises. Cheerilee massaged her limb as she lay on her side.
Discord hovered over her. “So, I understand that our first contestant is a teacher. Is that right? How is your discipline, Miss Cheerilee?”
The earth pony struggled to stand. “It’s excellent; I can handle clowns who waste everyone’s time.” Through her bravado her side was killing her.
Discord gave a golf clap. “But it wasn’t always that way, was it now?” With a wave of his claw a scene played out on her desk, a fanciful illusionary scene spread out in miniature.
It always comes back to this. There is always something there to remind me.
Flickering images of Cheerilee and her class walked through a phantasmal Canterlot Statuary Garden. She saw that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had just started arguing in front of the ‘statue’ of Discord.
He rested his elbow on the podium, his head cradled on his claw. “They’re adorable little tykes, aren’t they? I should send them a cutie mark for an hour and see how they’d react.” He started giggle-snorting. “Perhaps I’ll turn their real cutie marks invisible!” His expression turned expectant as he stared at Cheerilee. “But we have something more important at hand.”
Three stage curtains suddenly appeared on the wall. The first red curtain rose, exposing the statuary scene from Cheerilee’s memory. The second blue curtain rolled back, showing a scene where the class avoided the statue entirely. The schoolmare watched in fascination as a pair of quarreling lovers stopped in front of the Draconequus statue. Their angry gestures continued until she saw for the first time a brief glow over Discord’s heart.
He levitated to the schoolmare, clearing his throat.
“Pay attention to this rhyme and your problems shall be fixed in time. A heavy choice is yours to make upon which path your life shall take. Take a walk through the curtain red and you career shall end here, dead. “He pointed to the alternative choice, showing her the scene of her lecture at the Ponyville schoolhouse. “Trot instead through the fabric azure and all your infamy I shall abjure!”
He smiled in anticipation.
Thoughts spun wildly in Cheerilee’s head. “What’s behind the yellow curtain?”
The Spirit of Chaos rolled his eyes. “A goat. Pay it no heed; I never understood the math on it anyway; do I look like Merv Griffon?”
She turned to look him in the eyes. “Why would you do this?”
Discord shrugged. “Five tons of flax! Who cares; I’m doing it now. What’s your choice?”
She was trembling as she turned back to the curtains. The crimson one was now showing her pacing alone onto a train station platform, tears in her eyes.
“This isn’t possible. No one can rewrite time.”
He shook his neck back and forth. “Oh no you di’int! I’m the Spirit of Chaos; I do whatever I please whenever I please. On a whim I just placed four thousand holes in Blackburn, Flankashire!”
Her eyes caught on a textbook; it was left open to ‘The Manticore’s Paw’. “Rewriting the past is dangerous. Who knows what I’ll affect by changing my…”
Discord interrupted by pointing a finger in her face. "Please! Spare me your egotistical musings on your pivotal role in history. Nothing you do here will cause Equestria to collapse or galaxies to explode. To be blunt, you're not that important." He grinned. “Now choose. I’m getting bored watching you quiver in antici-… ”
Cheerilee’s mind thought rapidly, waiting for Discord to finish the sentence. After a few moments frozen in place he breathed out, “-pation.”
“Make a choice now, pony. Either rot at the dead end here, or everything that day in the garden brought you is erased from history.”
Everything would be back to the way it was. She started looking around the classroom. I’d never have met Red. She bit her lip. Is that a good thing? I feel like a failure; he could find someone better to spend his time with.
She stood there in the room, the world balancing precariously on her shoulders.
Discord started tapping a claw impatiently. “Come on, Cheerilee. I don’t mind you comin’ round and wastin’ all my time… to a point.”
Cheerilee turned to him with a smile. “No. I’d rather take the goat than rewrite history. I’d never give up Screwball, no matter what happens.”
Discord’s mouth open as his tongue fell onto the floor. “Screwball? That moron? Are you sure you wouldn’t want the blue curtain? Heck, I’ll even throw in the goat.”
Cheerilee was about to respond when she looked at her classroom door. Screwball and her gaming friends were there. Quest was trying to pull Screwy by the shoulder, waving to an illusionary teacher at the desk. Screwball was staring straight at Discord and the real Cheerilee.
“Seriously, you’d take Screwball? She’s a prank, nothing more than an amusing boner! I wired her wrong on purpose.” Realization started to dawn on the earth pony as he continued his explanation. “Her quick and intelligent mind deduces exactly what she wants and then decides to get it the wrong way! I mean, really; who else would try to make friends in an empty classroom?” The Draconequus started belly-laughing. “She's my best creation since Poison Joke!”
A bright point of anger was fanned into flame in Cheerilee’s mind. “She can see us?”
Discord waved away the question. “Five tons of flax; who cares? She might have some immunity to my effects; I care not one hot dog.”
Cheerilee walked up to Discord. “You knew she was standing there, didn’t you? This was the big punch line all along.”
The Draconequus placed a top hat on his head. “I do love an audience. She’s been watching a while. Now, on to the reasons you’re making a bad choice…”
The enraged schoolmare stood nose to nose with the spirit of chaos. “You just tempted the closest thing that filly has to a mother to abandon and forget her and YOU LET HER WATCH?”
Discord pulled on a suddenly existing shirt collar. “I may have… ”
Cheerilee interrupted him by spinning around and bucking him in the face. The Draconequus toppled backwards into a corner as the raging mare advanced on him.
“You bucked me! Twilight never bucked me!”
Cheerilee leaned in close. “I’m not Twilight.”
Discord snapped his fingers and teleported to the other side of the room. “Well, this has become a joyless exercise.” He threw his claws into the air. “I could do whatever I think to you, Cheerilee. Consider that for a fraction of a second, my little insignificant pony; whatever I could think of.”
Cheerilee returned his dangerous gaze without flinching; the Draconequus ranted in anger. “I gave you something most mortals never experience - a second chance at life - and now all you can do is COMPLAIN!?”
The simple schoolmare took a step closer. “I’m not an Element of Harmony. I don’t have a direct line to a goddess. Yes, my cutie mark involves book reports.” She stared into Discord’s eyes unflinchingly. “None of that affects what I’m telling you; if you hurt Screwball I will end you.”
Discord sighed. “BORING.” He blinked closer to the schoolmare, hovering above her reach. “A word in your ear, dear Cheerilee. As the Great and Powerful Discord I can see the way things might end; chaos is all about possibilities. I can see where you’ll end up at the end of this.” He stared at her with sadistic relish.
“There's a room where the light won't find you; holding hooves while the world comes tumbling down.” He pointed at the schoolmare. “When you do he'll be right beside you.” Discord shook his head in false commiseration. “It’s so sad that you almost made it.” The Draconequus laughed wildly as he snapped his fingers and vanished in a flash of light.
The remnants of Discord’s existence faded out with him; Screwball ran into the classroom; she sniffled as she came face to face with Cheerilee, and then threw her hooves around the schoolmare’s neck. The older pony could feel her quivering as Screwball’s muscles tensed with effort. Screwball pulled out of the hug with blood oozing out of her nose. She was breathing heavily as she spoke to Cheerilee.
“I love you.”
The older mare rubbed her hoof in Screwball’s hair. “Go out with your friends. They’re wondering what’s wrong.” She smiled. “I’ll be right at home waiting for you.”
Screwball nodded, smiling through tears. She shuffled out of the classroom. “Onward to adventure!”
Cheerilee closed the door behind Screwy. She leaned against the wall and sobbed to herself. As the tears flowed she realized she had never been happier.
More than two hours after the students left Cheerilee found herself too fuzzed in the head to grade. She started to wander to the break room to find a coffee when she picked up an inked drawing left on a desk.
Hmm… I question the anatomy in this one. I look fine. She moved the drawing sideways. Okay, I look MORE than fine, but either he’s overestimating the size of the buffalo or the underestimating the size of the dragon.
While she considered the possibilities Red stuck his head in the door. “Heya!” She gave a quick squeak of surprise and dropped the drawing behind the desk. Red grinned. She makes the cutest noises.
“Cheerilee, your room smells lovely today; is that apple pie? I love apple pie!”
Cheerilee rolled her eyes, her breathing starting to settle down. “What’s up, Red?”
He was almost vibrating in place with excitement. “I started thinking about how we could get on the parents’ side, and I had an idea! I talked to some old gearhead friends of mine. They’ve got a radio show. They’re willing to have you on!”
Cheerilee tilted her head. “You have friends in K-COLT?”
Red looked a little embarrassed. “No, there’s another radio station now. I got you an interview on W-BRNY.”
Cheerilee started languidly packing her cart. “That sounds like a great idea. When’s the interview?”
Red grabbed her tail with his teeth and started pulling her out of the classroom. Through her tail he said, “Forty minutes.”
Within the hour the nervous and out-of-breath teacher found herself in a radio studio on the edge of New Canterlot. How did I let him talk me into this? She wished she was in the safety of the equipment booth; she could see the engineers sitting safely behind glass, enjoying the spectacle. Instead, she was stuck out in the small equipment-filled room that passed for a recording booth with the crazy ponies. She stared at the bright red radio host; the earth pony stallion was leaning back on his seat, swinging a two-by-four for effect. He had a cutie mark of a jug or bottle with ‘XXX’ written on it.
“And then smash it until the bicycle handle sticks all the way in!” He swung the bludgeon around, either not knowing or not caring that no one outside the studio could see him. He was obviously enjoying his job.
His nervous brown-maned co-hosted gulped. The yellow-coated stallion spoke into his microphone. “That’s all the time we have for Apple Cider’s Legal Advice. Remember kids, W-BRNY makes no promises as to the legality of the preceding advice.”
What have I got myself into? She stretched out a limb to grab a jug the red pony had brought with him and took a long swig out of nervousness. It was not the first since she arrived in the studio; she hadn’t noticed that her sweating was caused by more than nervousness.
The red pony leaned into his microphone. “It’s the top of the hour here on W-BRNY! I’m Apple Cider and this is Chef Sandy. We’ve got the Cool Thing of the Week coming up, along with a half-hour live interview with Prince Blueblood! First things first; Taste the Local Flavor!”
Man, he’s manic. I wonder what he’d be like without the yellow one to rein him in. She took another swig. She barely noticed the pleasant heat that swept through her.
She watched the yellow pony host tap away at the complicated console. I wonder what skill a cactus with a chef hat signifies? “That’s right, AC! Every week we pick an interesting character the community may not know about. This week we have the recently-transferred teacher Cheerilee! She transferred into Old Canterlot a few months ago, and she’s here to talk about cool things in education.”
AC turned to her. “So, you work at Luna’s School for Disadvantaged Youth?”
The schoolmare gave a belch and nodded. Seeing AC’s confused look she leaned into the mike. “Yes.”
Chef Sandy knitted his eyebrows; he was obviously worried about the guest’s entertainment value. Apple Cider noticed his co-host’s response and decided to play the cards he’d been dealt.
“So Miss Cheerilee, do you have any interesting things you do with your kids?”
Cheerilee slammed the jug onto the radio console. “Well, one of the kids got shot up with bows. He was mouthing off; he deserved it.” She giggled a drunken giggle. “He used to be a bully; then he took an arrow to the knee.”
Chef Sandy’s jaw dropped; Apple Cider shook his head from side to side. “Oh no, teacher. Teacher, leave the kids alone.”
She waved her hoof enthusiastically. “It was a recreation. They were foam arrows. The geography teacher stages historical recreations in the parking lot to give the kids a feel for the past. Well, he uses the lot whenever it’s not Science Rocket Day or Math Kite Day. I have them do plays and read-off in the classroom so we don’t compete. I don’t want to take one of Red’s shots in my face.” She tittered uncontrollably.
Sandy nodded appreciatively. He thought this guest had potential. AC leaned over to him. “Um, Chef? My jug’s empty. Nice teacher pony is all drunky; is she still gonna be a nice pony?”
Chef took the reins over. Man, AC’s so nervous he’s keeping his persona on off-air. “So, why are you here today; what do you want to talk about?”
Cheerilee stood up and stared into the mic. “I want to talk about how bucked up the school system could be. We’re doing amazing things and it still can’t find a way to tell the parents about it.”
AC carefully scooted next to her. “Well, what did you do? We’d like to know.”
The schoolmare slammed her hoof on the equipment; both hosts flinched. “I’ve got kids who have never read a book without a centerfold willingly reading Findingway. There’s a filly who no one has ever given a chance to doing advanced chemistry.” Cheerilee nickered. “I used to find her terrifying; I know now she’s just had to deal with a bunch of stuff. I don’t know what, but I know its stuff. I can deal with stuff. Everybody has stuff.” She glanced into the bottle, wondering where the warm liquid had gone.
Chef Sandy grabbed her mic; she barely noticed as she found another one of AC’s jugs. “Okay, we’re taking a break for a word from our sponsors; we’ll be back in a minute with Prince BluUMPH.” He was interrupted as AC covered his mouth with a hoof. Chef was no stranger to this; he still had the presence of mind to roll the prerecorded commercials.
AC grinned like a down-home moonshine salesman pitching his wares. “Chef, the board is lit up. There’s a line of people who want to talk to the angry drunk nice teacher lady.”
Chef Sandy looked terrified. He whispered pleadingly. “She’s spikier than a Big Bloom Cactus! We’ve got to get her out of here! Besides, you know that was only a three minute segment; we have to make airtime for Blueblood after the break.”
His scarlet co-host only smiled. “Chef, I got an idea.”
Sandy gave him a skeptical look. “That sentence usually is followed by you locking me in the basement.”
Apple Cider nickered as he placed a hoof on his friend’s shoulder. “Chef, this one’s both above board and above ground. How about we stir up a little ratings controversy?”
The yellow pony scanned the studio intently. He gestured over for one of the staff. “Hey, where’s the director?”
A headset-wearing pony checked the backroom and returned. “Starry Night’s asleep on the couch.”
Chef shrugged, looked at Apple Cider, and nodded. Apple exploded with joy. “Yeah! We have teacher pony in here! I like teacher pony!”
He turned to the emotional schoolmare, who was already taking a new swig of his namesake. “Hey, it turns out you’ve got a little more time and a bunch of interested callers. Care to stay on?”
Cheerilee belched and gave a demented grin. “Absolutely.”
Chef leaned close to his co-host. “AC, there’s one last kicker. We’ve mentioned we’re supposed to have an interview with Prince Blueblood in thirty seconds.”
The red host adjusted some of the buttons with his hooves. “Chef, do you think he’ll do anything aside from buck up a storm about how that crazy mare on K-COLT radio treats him? What are the chances we’ll get him off within an hour?”
The yellow earth pony looked contemplative. He then immediately lunged to the switchboard. “We’re back everyone! We’re opening the call lines now for questions for Apple Cider, Chef Sandy, or Cheerilee the Angry Teacher!”
Apple Cider sounded overjoyed. “Yeah, we’ve got technical problems with Blueblood’s call. The normal phone lines are fine, and we’ve waiting to hear from you! Line 1, you’re on with the Angry Teacher.”
An uncertain voice came on the air. “Yes, I’d like to know why we need a school in Old Canterlot. Isn’t that just a mining town?”
Cheerilee bounced up, smiling with a manic expression. “I understand; after all, no one important ever came from a working class background. Certainly not Findingway, you uneducated dandy!”
The caller blustered and hung up. AC frowned. The light on the control board immediately flared up as someone else called in. His frown reversed itself.
“Hello? Long time listener, first time caller. What kind of resources could this school have? How can you reach the kids with nothing?”
Cheerilee crawled onto the console. “The stallion across the hall from me launches rockets with a bicycle pump and old bottles. He made that out of scraps! He’s the most wonderfully devoted and creative stallion I know, and he’s really cute when he stutters his sentences.”
Cheerilee heard snickers from the console. Well, if the hosts are happy it must be a good thing. After a long day of dealing with Placeholder, Prunecrop, and Discord she was ready to unleash the fury that had built up inside.
Chef Sandy nodded contentedly as he listened to his headset. “We’ve got another caller from New Canterlot. This is… Prince Blueblood?”
AC nervously grabbed a bottle and took a swig. The cultured unicorn’s voice filled the studio.
“Yes, I’m unhappy with having to dial this accursed thing myself to get through. I’ve called into your show like a commoner to speak with this trashy usurper. I was wondering why someone like myself should give a single bit toward the education of those ruffians elsewhere.”
Cheerilee stared at the microphone. Months of playing diplomat suddenly fell away as AC’s patented liquid courage filled her.
“You… you stupid, insignificant… ” She grasped for words.
Sandy grabbed AC by the shoulder. “AC, she’d going to go on a drunken tirade. Get the censor button ready!”
AC looked at him blankly. “I thought that was on your side of the console. “
They stared at each other for a second. They both immediately started searching the console like a drowning pony looking for a rope.
“I don’t see it!”
“I don’t either!”
Cheerilee hiccuped. “How… dare… you.”
“Quick, find a sound clip to play over her then! Just hit it every time she swears.”
“Which one?”
Sandy whispered with force. “AC, I DON’T CARE!”
AC put his hoof on the first sound clip button he found, prepared to press it for dear life.
Cheerilee roared like a dragon. “HOW DARE YOU! You stupid mother Yay-ing royal piece of dumb Yay. You Yay-headed Yay-grabbing pile of Yay that sucks Yay through a straw!”
Sandy looked at AC quizzically. “You used the Fluttershy quote?”
AC shrugged. “It took us an hour to get ten words out of her; we might as well get some use out of one of them”
Cheerilee continued heaping her abuse on Blueblood. Part of her mind was trying to convert her decibels into sheer kinetic energy to launch him to the moon. “I’ll give you three reasons to throw a bit their way with your dainty hooves. Lesson one; the ponies whose educations you neglect will be the ones who rob you tomorrow because you took away all of their Yaying honest opportunities!”
Chef Sandy inched closer to her. “Don’t get too worked up over radio. Just tell yourself it’s just a show; you should really just relax.”
She ignored him. “But that’s a little unlikely for most of these miner ponies, because they are some of the hardest working ponies I have ever Yaying met. I have a student whose teen sister died in the mines getting rocks for your untouched hooves! Do you know what he does? He does all of his sister’s workload as fast as possible and then sneaks to school to make us cry with his amazing stories! These are better ponies than you, you Yaying ponce!”
Cheerilee blinked back hot tears as she stared with a visage that could have made Nightmare Moon quake.
“These are good ponies, like the Elements of Harmony. You know, the ones you treated like Yay at that stupid Gala? The ones who saved the world twice? Except for one of them, all of them came from Yaying Ponyville! But your cultured hooves were probably holding your flank when the Yay hit the fan.”
AC whispered to Sandy. “I don’t want to hit the button anymore. My hoof hurts!”
Sandy shot him a look of determination. “You keep hitting that Yaying button, you hear me?”
Cheerilee was trying to count off reasons on her hoof and failing. “Here’s Reason Number Three; you are a stupid Yaytch.”
Blueblood gasped. “What did you just have the temerity to call me?”
Cheerilee threw her head back, spinning in the chair. “You are a bYaytch! Who likes bananas! And do you know why you like bananas? You like to shove them in your Yay up to the Yay until your Yay overflows! And I’m going to show you!”
Blueblood’s voice quaked. “You’re going to show me?”
The schoolmare was on a roll. “I’m going to show you how awesome these kids are; I’m going to show everyone! We’re going to have a show; Yay that, we’re going to have a Yaying festival! We’ve going to show everyone the amazing things we’re doing with the students in every area, and then I’m sure the town’ll vote for us to stay.”
There was silence on the other end of the line. Chef Sandy tentatively tapped the microphone. “Prince, are you there?” Sandy heard nothing but sobbing on the other line; he cut the call.
AC was waving his hoof in pain. Sandy quickly started buzzing in the other callers.
“Yes, am I on? This is Fancy Pants; I want to give one thousand bits to support the brave mare that not only gives her all to children but can speak with such gumption; I like the cut of her jib.”
“This is Vinyl; you guys FINALLY found a guest on our show’s level!”
“Attention W-BRNY; this is your Princess of the Night talking. We are delighted to say we will be at the festival!”
“This is her principal; could you ask her to stop by my room tomorrow?”
AC and Chef Sandy gave each other a hard brohoof as the calls rolled in. AC quickly grabbed his hoof in pain; Sandy smiled sheepishly. AC shook his head. “Okay, she is my One Cool Thing. We’re going to beat ‘This Equestrian Life’ in the reviews for sure. That was the best guest we’ve had since Twilight Sparkle.”
His yellow co-host narrowed his eyes. “Rainbow Dash was the best guest, AC.”
Cheerilee was unaware of the old argument that flared up again in front of her; she had passed out on the console.
The next day Cheerilee nursed a headache as she walked to her class. Celestia, I even missed the faculty meeting. I must have had some time last night. She waved to the students, already seated. They looked at her with smiles. I must have passed out mid-interview. Did I say something on the air? This must be what Berry Punch feels like most of the time. She smiled from amusing memories of Ponyville returning. And here I thought Twilight was a lightweight.
Bomber met her at the desk. The peach filly looked at her expectantly. “Yes, Bomber? Can I help you?”
Bomber nodded. “I did me make-up work, Miss. The essay about what was important to us.”
Cheerilee nodded and took her seat. “Well, I’m willing to let you start the class. Lay on.”
Bomber moved the paper to the reading podium used by non-unicorns. She faced her classmates and cleared her throat. “This is about me Da. 'is name was Brush Runner; 'e was an Imperial Ranger Captain in the Everfree Forest Brigade.
Cheerilee stared. Luna clop me; really? Bomber is a military brat? Cheerilee was silent as the young mare read her story, a captivating tale she could see clearly in her imagination….
The dark green earth pony careful stuck his head over the fallen tree. He made out a clearing about fifty hoofs wide between cover. Shaking his head, he turned to whisper to his companion.
“It’s all bloody rubbish. We might as well be dancing nancies out there; it’ll see us if we run.”
A muscular bull sat on the ground next to him. He wore a red bandana, a placid look, and a field dressing on his shoulder stained crimson.
“Gosh, I just dunno. Do ya think we could flank the area slowly, Brush?”
The pony shook his head. He pulled a pair of binoculars out of his saddle to scan the horizon. His bovine companion chuckled.
“I’ve been your partner for gosh-darn ten years now and I can say I’ve never got how you ponies hold things like that. I guess my hooves are too bulky.”
Brush smiled. You could count on Clint Beefwood to joke while in mortal danger. The smile disappeared as he heard a scream in the distance.
“Listen closely, Clint. I think those off-track settlers are due west. You stay here and I’ll keep them from becoming chew toys. “
The bull threw himself over the log. Brush raised an eyebrow. “Clint, after ten years you’ve proved a bull can be a ranger; stop pushing yourself so hard.”
“I think I see it, yah know. The Ugly Trio’s right that way.” He galloped through the clearing.
The pony shook his head incredulously. “Clint, you’re not even supposed to walk swiftly with that little blood in you.” Suddenly the ranger pony became aware of the silence; all the animals had made themselves scarce. “Oh, horse apples.” As Brush leaped out of his hiding place several things happened at once.
A plain-robed filly started running towards the bull from the other edge of the clearing; following right behind her was a winged nightmare. Crashing through the brush was a giant lion, its head flanked by a mangy goat head and a salivating dragon head. Something whipped back and forth on its flank. Clint lowered his horns and charged.
Brush screamed wordlessly as the two forms collided. The chimera was knocked several feet backwards. Clint was still in contact with it, straining to push it into a tree. Its claws raked his back as the ranger pony made his way to the melee. The screaming mare took cover behind a bush.
The lion head chewed on Clint’s horn while the goat butted his shoulder. The dragon head was taking in a long breath when two hooves knocked it silly. As it shook of the effect a green form jumped on top of it, smashing it to the ground.
“Come on, freakshow!” The earth pony blustered with all the volume he could muster. “Have a go if you’re hard enough!” The two heads on Clint turned their attention to Brush; he could see the relief in the battered bull’s eyes. The lion roared and the goat snorted as the thing leapt into the air. Brush dashed underneath it, chuckling as the monster smashed headfirst into a tree.
“Those aren’t the only heads, ya know!”
As a shadow fell on him from above Brush felt a huge weight smash into him, sending him spiraling out of danger. He rolled along the ground, his eyes spinning in circles from the impact. Through blurry vision he saw a green whip striking at Clint; it was connected to the back of the beast.
“Oh, Luna clop me hard.” He ran to his partner as the snake tail lashed out again and again at the brave bull. He was fighting a losing battle; Clint’s vitality was obviously rushing out by the second.
Clint started to swing his horns almost blindly. He heard a large crack from nearby. Preparing for the end, he tensed up. He felt a huge rush of wind and heard a crash in front of him as the attacks abated. The bull opened his eyes. Brush was standing on the other side of a shattered tree stump; the remains of the mighty oak now pinned the motionless serpent to the ground.
“Oh, that was nice. I always said earth ponies were the strongest ponies.” He smiled as he collapsed on his side. “I’m getting too old for this cow-patty, don’t ya know.” Brush ran to him in disbelief.
“What the Hay are you doing, Beefwood?” Brush was screaming as him tried to roll Clint over. “We gotta move, you hear me? Get up and mooooooooove!”
The bull only coughed with a smile as the young mare came out of her hiding spot. “Don’t kid yerself, kiddo. I got more holes in me than my dear Petunia’s Swiss cheese. I’m heading for my last round-up.”
Brush tasted salt as he realized he was crying. The light pink mare walked up beside him. “Sir, is he going to be all right?” The ranger pony shook his head in disbelief.
The bull pointed a hoof at Brush. “You gotta look in my desk at the office. I knew this would happen sometime; I signed the papers and all. It’s a done deal.”
The pony gave him a look of shock. “That’s crazy talk. You won’t need to think about that for years. We’ve both walking away from here to a nice salt bar.”
Clint smiled. “Ah, Brush; always trying to be the tough guy. I guess that’s what happens when you grow up with everyone thinking you’re going to get a hair care cutie mark.” The bull started coughing. “Sweet Woozers, that venom’s got a fine doodly kick. Brush, I signed myself over to you.”
The pony was speechless. The cow continued.
“I’ll still be yer partner, I guess. I even ponied up the all bits. You always complained that it got too cold around here in winter.” The coughing got worse as other settler ponies walked out of hiding. “Even Petunia understood when I told her. She always liked you.”
Brush rubbed his hoof along the side of his partner. “I don’t know how I’m going to get along without you, you big white speckled git.”
Clint chuckled. “Yer not, man. That’s the idea.”
The row of settlers silently surrounded the two rangers. After a few moments, there was only one ranger, and a load to be respectfully carried back to headquarters with honors.
Bomber stopped reading. The room was dead silent; even Sledge and Nailkicker realized this was not a time to take shots at their classroom sparring partner. Bomber kept speaking, her emotion overcoming her lack of reading fluency in the eyes of her audience.
“That’s how me Da got 'is leather jacket. That’s also how 'e met me Ma. Even though they’re both gone now, I know that Clint is still taking care of his partner’s family in 'is own way. That’s why me father’s leather jacket is the most precious thing I own.”
Cheerilee was shaking. I should have known it was something heavy; there’s only one way to get leather in Equestria.
“My Da taught me a bunch of lessons before 'e went on. Ye never let down a friend. Ye always'help someone in trouble. Ye always stand up to bullies, no matter what.”
Bomber lowered the paper.
“That is why I’m proud of me Da. I’m thankful for what 'e told me. That’s also why I’m proud of my literature teacher. I’m thankful for what she said in the hallway yesterday and on the radio last night. She also taught me to always stand up to bullies.”
The students started applauding, their hooves making a terrible racket on the floor. Bomber took her paper off the podium and placed it in front of her teacher.
Cheerilee was shaking from shock. What the Hay did I SAY last night?
While the sound of the clapping continued, the smiling horned head of Placeholder poked into the doorway. “Oh, Miss Cheerilee? Would you be so kind as to join me in my office?”
Author's note: If you like the radio ponies, check them out at the Bronyville Podcast! It's a real show. I mean, they're not really ponies, but they are that awesome. Tell 'em Paleo Prints sent ya'.
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 8: The Final Countdown
Cheerilee’s brow glistened like a Mareibu surfer. She stared across the great philosophical divide represented by Principal Placeholder’s desk. I have to nail it this time. The last time I tried this it wound up getting me here. She smiled with confidence for the first time that morning. Maybe that wasn’t so bad. Now, I just have to sell him on my idea.
I just wish I could remember what it was…
Placeholder’s cream coat looked as unsettled as she felt. His collar was poorly done, sticking out as Red’s tended to most of the time. He had four cups of coffee on his desk; one was tipped over and empty and the next one over was half-finished. The next two replacements in line were rapidly cooling. Cheerilee chose not to comment on his flawed caffeine delivery system.
“So,” he began. “So! So…”
His eyes looked up from his cup expectantly. He pushed his unbrushed pink mane out of his eyes. A long-suffering smile spread out as if supplicating itself to an alpha male.
“I understand you have plans.”
She wiggled nervously on her haunch. Play it cool. “Of course! Always trying to do what’s best for the school. I’m full of gnarly things to throw against the wall; call me Miss Spaghetti!” Her uncertain grin showed her lack of confidence in the metaphor.
His eyes dropped pack to his coffee as he gestured half-heartedly with his hoof. “Now, about the current course of ill-advised action…”
Think, girl! What did I say? She nibbled on her hoof while trying to jog her memory. I remember…liquor. A cactus. Prince Blueblood. She coughed. Wow. My imagination isn’t kind to me.
She briefly remembered what Miss Scribbles used to say to her during her student teacher days. “Have a good time going out tonight, dear! Be careful, don’t do anything I wouldn’t, and if all else fails name it after me!”
“Yeah, I expect yesterday was a…doozy.”
Placeholder dropped both hooves on his desk. His leaned over to sip his cup, too exhausted to use his horn, and found it empty. He backhanded it off the desk. It skipped across the top of another desk, sending the empty cup, a school finance clipboard, and a few stray bottle caps into a packing crate, which closed with a slam. Placeholder didn’t even notice.
Cheerilee gulped. Well, someone will get confused when they open that someday.
“I received callers at my home last night. Five parents came to offer their opinions on your audio breakdown.”
Cheerilee meekly nodded. “I must have really offended them.”
Placeholder wiped a grimy hoof against his brow. “I almost wish you had. I’m well versed in termination paperwork. It would be an appropriate action for this stage of the game. No Miss Cheerilee, it was with a more nefarious purpose they infringed on my designated dinner time. They came to offer encouragement.”
She blinked.
“Miss Cheerilee, I had little problem when your ‘innovations’ involved existing materials and a minor amount of paperwork. The idea of creating something large and new while we’re in the homestretch to a successful end is anathema to me. So imagine my reaction when a herd of townsfolk showed up on my door with words of encouragement for your school community outreach festival.”
Okay, that’s a good one. She smiled as she listened. I can work with that. Go Drunkilee; I wish I could talk to you more often! “You say they were excited?”
He sighed. “Quite. Apparently several of our student families noticed the effect you were having on their children. Report cards went home with the students last week.”
She raised an eyebrow. “…and they were happy with the grades?”
Placeholder started chuckling to himself. “My dear pony, listen to what I said. The report cards went home; they arrived. The students actually took them home and ensured that the papers survived the journey.” He raised his eyebrows. “This is, to my knowledge, without precedent in all the seasons I’ve been here.”
A ray of hope shone on the earth mare’s heart.
Placeholder continued. “Now, they want to help with the festival. Have you thought about how you’re going to organize it in just three weeks?”
She nodded. “I have the idea down, boss.” I have no idea. Keep smiling.
He nodded weakly. “So, what are we going to do about…HIM then? I’m nearly too terrified to think about it.” He was shaking. “I know the Smooze is real. I believe in the Smooze. I’m not afraid of the Smooze. I’m afraid of him.”
Her heart froze. Does he know? Did Discord do something else? If he’s hurt my students… “Have any of the students seen him, sir?”
Placeholder nodded. “He was going into Red’s classroom last I saw him.” He heard the sounded of a kicked chair and a flung open door. Looking up he found himself alone.
Well, she’s in a hurry for disaster. I felt more comfortable around immortal goddesses with astronomical might than around…HIM.
Cheerilee galloped down the hallway recklessly, not even stopping to see how her class was treating ‘substitute teacher’ Cleansweep. She lowered her head and barreled into the science lab, finding herself nose to nose with…
Prunecrop?
The majority of the class started waving at her in greetings. The aged unicorn turned to regard the source of the loud noise. He offered a manticore’s smile as he locked gaze with Cheerilee. “Ah, my dear exile. How pleasant of you to join us. I feel honored that you’d leave your duties to dereliction just to keep me company.”
Red was a step behind Prunecrop, his eyes nervously scanning his room. Two opposite sides of the room both sported black acid-proof countertops for the length of their walls; this was the student work area. Cabinets were affixed to the wall over the stations. They were filled with tools as Cheerilee recalled, although from the cluttered science posters covering them they could be mistaken for modern art collages. At each station a pair of students were assembling rockets and mixing chemicals. In between the stations and cabinets lurked sinks that had long since been stained with a variety of colors.
Red‘s face lit up as he saw the fuchsia mare into the room. “Miss Cheerilee! We’re thrilled to have you here. I mean, I am. I mean, everyone but he is.”
Prunecrop nodded in agreement as he checked in on the workstations. He looked over Screwball’s shoulder at her work; she returned a nervous toothy grin. Next to her Quest took a protective step between the filly and the administrator. “Can I help you, sir?”
Prunecrop snorted. “As much as I find it doubtful, I’ll give you a chance to impress me. Where are your instruction sheets for this lab?”
Quest and Screwy looked at each other. “Instruction sheets?”
The gray stallion snorted. “How are you supposed to follow all the steps?”
Quest shrugged. “We’ve been working with this stuff for weeks. Right now we’re measuring the effect of slight variations in the formula. It’s…something like a recipe. We’ve got it down.”
The aging inspector stared at Screwy. “Do you actually know what you’re doing?”
Screwy nodded profusely. “Not at all! Me am failing hard.”
Quest through a hoof over her mouth and nervously giggled. “She’s such a kidder. We’re the top team in the class.”
Placeholder shook his head. “Not exactly a ringing endorsement,” he commented as he moved on.
Screwball raised her eyebrows and looked guiltily at quest. “Me say not enough? Too much?”
Cheerilee watched nervously as the incredulous unicorn stared down the two of her favorite students. Suddenly she noticed an opened box of sem-rusty nails on a nearby counter, sitting next to pile of utility knives. Red, did you forget to clean up yesterday’s lab? She quickly swept the materials into a drawer before Prunecrop noticed them. Noticing a pile of hot glue guns further down the counter, she waved at Red desperately to get his attention. Unfortunately the scarlet science pony was too busy fielding questions from Prunecrop to notice.
Oh, this isn’t good. She moved through the maze of rearranged school desks, dodging students carrying chemicals. As she rushed to the counter, she grabbed the tangled mass of power cords with her mouth and flung them into the nearby equipment cabinet hanging on the wall. She marveled at the random assortment of objects mixed in with the equipment.
Okay, that’s a clay dinosaur and a fleet of miniature ships next to a tin of peaches. Really? How did…never mind. She sighed with relief as she closed the cabinet. Looking down into the sink she saw a rusted outline of some metal tool that had been left there far too long. Next to it were three broken beakers sitting in the sink, their jagged rims of broken glass glistening with the promise of administrative write-ups.
The determined mare reached down to grab them and hesitated. Okay, Snail’s science project is one thing, but I am not grabbing broken glass with my mouth. She heaved herself onto the counter as she started to sweep the glass together with her hooves.
“What are you doing there, Miss Cheerilee?”
She grinned like a child caught present-hunting on Hearth’s Warming Eve. “Nothing! Nothing but breaking glass. Just an accident, you know. I love the sound of breaking glass!”
She looked to Red for back-up. Unfortunately, Red was shouting across the room. “Riversift, drop that! That’s not to be used with that mixture. Oh, dear. That’s…not what teacher said to do…”
Prunecrop turned with a smile to the spreading cloud of purple smoke. Looking to Mr. Glare he saw the earth pony precariously balanced on a desk, waving his arms as if he was trying to attract a lifeguard. “Everybody out! Orderly chemical evacuation! Get the buck out of here!”
The students shocked Prunecrop by filing out the room with good cheer. He expected riots and trampling; his pencil telekinectically snapped in shocked. Soon he trotted out into the hallways, leaving an empty classroom behind.
“Pardon me, Mr. Glare,” he started while cleaning his glasses. “How did you get them out so quickly?”
Red beamed. “We do that often!”
Cheerilee superimposed herself between the two stallions. “Drills! He has constant drills. You have to be prepared!”
Red scratched the back of his head and tried to play along. “That’s right, I have lots of drills! It’s a mining town, after all!”
Both adults turned to silently stare at him.
“Um…drills plus mining. No one else then?” Red shrugged as he followed the two into the hallway.
Prunecrop clicked his tongue. “Well, I’ve seen all I need to here.” He walked across the hall and peered through the door. Mr. Trotter was dressed as a Veneightian canal boatpony, balancing on a small craft inside a toy swimming pool. As Prunecrop cleared his throat for attention the class continued to pay him no heed.
“So, the ancient canal builders put all of these rooms in for machinery control and siege defense, and that’s where Emerald and I found ourselves after lunch one day.” The green unicorn grinned. “Wait, was it Emerald or Satin? I think we all ended up there at the same time. Anyway, back to the Third Council of Epona…”
Prunecrop closed the door. “And that’s absolutely everything I need to know about this school. Miss Cheerilee, you’re to be commended.” A brief hopeful smile fought its way to the front of her face. “My dear schoolmare, you’ve added enough pomp and circumstance and meaningless show to this curriculum that I don’t recognize this as a school anymore. It’s a daycare with grades.”
The smile stayed on her face, fighting for survival. “Pardon me a moment, Mr. Prunecrop.” She cracked open the door to Globe’s class. Noticing her with a smile, Globe gave a long showpony’s bow in her direction. The class shifted their gaze to the door just as the costumed teacher lost his balance and pitched sideways out of the kiddie pool.
Globe rubbed his rump. “Can I do anything for you, Our Lady of Literature?”
Cheerilee nodded. “Please be quiet, Mr. Trotter.” As confusion spread on his face she amended, “but only for a second.” The fuchsia pony stomped the ground once to gain the class’ attention.
“Nailkicker, why did the Veneightians build the canals?”
The black-coated student nearly jumped out of his seat. “They got their city sunk by magic in the bog war o’ 1314. ‘at’s the one where they used the halberd-flinger machine; I’m making one for me science project!”
Cheerilee suppressed a shudder. “Can anyone tell me what started the war?”
Prunecrop stomped the hallway floor in frustration. “This is ridiculous. If these wretches remember what they had for breakfast yesterday I’ll eat my clipboard.”
A flurry of hooves went into the air. “The crop burnings,” shouted Luster.
Sluice waved his hoof. “The Imperial Family Jewel’s theft!”
Bomber rolled her eyes. “Come on, mates; yer’ got to go back a bit further to the botched trade dinner…” She waved her hoof in impatience.
The entire class shouted at once, “The Noodle Incident!”
As Prunecrop blinked, Bomber got out of her seat. She bowed to her peers and then headed to the administrator. “Oh, Mister Prunecrop?”
He adjusted his glasses with a hoof. “Yes, what is it?”
“A half dozen batter-fried sunflowers with a side of carrots.” The peach mare waved to the stunned administrator and Cheerilee as she closed the door.
Cheerilee turned to the coughing stallion. “We have ketchup and mustard in the cafeteria.” Red thought a picture of the grin she wore could hang in a gallery.
The flustered Prunecrop pointed a hoof at the schoolmare. “All right, let me be blunt. Regardless of your curriculum, there are a lot of noble benefactors who’d like the bits sunk into this mess spent somewhere else. Whatever I write on this form is immaterial. So,” he continued with a smile, “my dear schoolmare, I admit that it works. Everything you’ve done here is working. Soon, however, everyone here will not be working. Good day.” He turned his flank to her and walked off.
Red turned to Cheerilee while he waved his students back into his lab. “What are we going to do?”
She flashed a combative smirk at the retreating administrator. “Take a good, long look at that stallion’s haunch.”
Red’s eyes crossed for a second before his mind straightened out. “Why?”
The schoolmare bared her teeth. “Because I shall kick that haunch so hard it shall never been seen in a school again.” She turned to him as she walked off. “Teacher’s meeting today in the breakroom! You bring the donuts!”
Red stared after the retreating fuchsia spitfire. Ponyville girls, eh? He was snapped back to reality by Luster’s waving hoof. “Okay, let’s get back in the room,” the stallion started.
“Gravel and Shinestone.”
Red’s eyebrows rose.
“There’s a donut place on Gravel and Shinestone. Two stores down is a thrift store with a jewelry stock. Tell miss Second Chance that Luster sent you. She’ll show you the box behind the counter. You’re looking for something in gold or navy blue to complement fuchsia.”
Red stared at her for a second as comprehension dawned. “How…”
“Mr. Glare, you are the only thing in this school easier to understand then Miss Ratio’s practice problems.” She demurely pressed a hoof to her chest. “Now, I’m just a young student,” she continued, imitating a New Canterlot accent. “Just imagine how easy it would be for a mature mare who teaches lessons on character motivation?”
She smiled as she walked back into class, leaving a contemplative stallion in the hallway.
Goldy leaned over the desk of the staffroom. The outside hallways were filled with the stampeding hoof beats of children leaving school. She blocked out the noise as she stamped ‘X’ marks onto the stack of quizzes she had brought in. Ugh. I really wish they made flavored stamp handles. This hickory one lacks the smoky flavor my oak one had.
She perked up as Globe came, tracking wet hoof prints. He bumped into the coffee machine as he walked, struggling to undo complicated straps of his period costume. “You know, since the early days of the Republics we’ve invented Velcro. Why can’t they make a costume with Velcro?”
Cheerilee walked in with springing step. “Has anyone seen Red yet? I covered his class for the last ten minutes so he could grab donuts for our meeting!” Her voice rang out with a melodic lilt.
Globe shook his head. Does anything ever get her down?
Red stomped into the room with a donut box in his mouth. He spouted out a mumble of apologies until his co-workers’ gestures convinced him to spit out the donuts first.
Cheerilee looked at him questioningly. “Why’d it take so long to get donuts? The shop’s down the corner.”
Red laughed nervously. “Went to Gravel and Shinestone.” Cheerilee raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “They had a better selection.”
She flipped open the box. “Really? That’s why you got a dozen identical glazed?”
Red started sweating. “But they were the best!”
The fuchsia teacher waved him off with a smile. She leaned onto the table, grinning like a madmare. “Gentlecolts…how do we kill Mare-Do-Well?”
Silence followed.
Cheerilee rubbed the back of her head. “Well, that one flopped. All right, I’ve got a plan. I think we can keep this school afloat.”
Globe nodded. “We’re all on board.” Red and Goldy nodded.
The earth mare paused. “I haven’t explained it yet.”
Red nervously scratched his chin. Goldy covered her mouth as Globe victoriously turned to her. “I got you there, Ratio! One bit, right now!” Goldy nervously forked over a single bit.
Suspicions grew in Cheerilee’s mind. “What’s going on?”
Trotter flipped his newly won bit in the air as his smile grew. “I bet Goldy a bit you wouldn’t remember your plan to save the school.” He flashed a smile at the stunned lit teacher. “You were pretty drunk at that time.”
The white pegasus snickered. “You were adorable.”
I will NEVER touch that stuff again. “Okay. What did I say?”
Red raised a nervous hoof. “Um, I liked the part where you said that bravery can turn ten percent into a hundred percent. Then you started screaming about how ponies didn’t need to believe in themselves if they believed in you believing in them.” He smiled. “It really was kind of adorable.”
Cheerilee facehooved. “I said that. Okay, I said that. Did I give indication of how we would get this magnificent plan off the ground?”
The co-workers looked at each other incredulously. Goldy tapped the table nervously. “Um, sweetie? We all talked about this when we called in.”
Red cleared his throat. “As a point of order, I’d like to change my part of the plan. Even if I could send us on a rocket to the Asteroid King’s Space Castle in Space, I don’t think we’d get back in time.”
Cheerilee buried her face in her hooves. “Okay. If I’m lucky then no parent heard this.”
A mighty bellow sounded from the hallway. “Hoy! We’re ‘ere!” Cheerilee sank back into her haunch as a bulky blue stallion with a pink mane walked in. He dragged a cart overburdened with tools and lumber.
Flip the mask on now, girl! “Yes?”
The burly pinked-haired miner saluted. “Surehammer reportin’, Miss!”
Cheerilee blinked. “You’re…Nailkicker’s dad?”
He nodded. “Yep. I gots the lumber ye asked.”
Cheerilee walked over to the huge stallion. “I…” She looked at the faces of her amused co-workers. “I can’t begin to thank you for dropping this off.
He laughed. “Droppin’ this off? Not likely. Miss Bright is bringing the costume jewelry in out front, and the rest of the planning committee should be here soon. Meeting starts in ten minutes; you set the time, remember?” He paced off, whistling.
Cheerilee was frozen in place. Goldy walked to the side and through a hoof around her neck. “Face it, girl. When you remove the inhibitions from the most inspiring mare I’ve ever met, you get magic.”
Wordlessly the stunned and surprised ringleader walked to the cafeteria door. At least a half-dozen parents were setting up planning areas. Screwball was entertaining Bomber by juggling sequins and baubles and setting them into place. Nailkicker’s father was telling some kind of embarrassing family story to Flip; the young gamer was trying not to laugh as Nailkicker was trying not to die of shame. At the back table Crunch and Luster sorted out the huge row of incoming students and their donated equipment.
Cheerilee found herself unable to speak. She meekly gave voice to a short succession of squeaks. As the rest of the volunteers busied themselves Screwball started jumping high in the air, waving to her ‘aunt.’ Slowly the rest of the room turned to the fuchsia schoolmare.
The applause was deafening.
Cheerilee felt like she was flying. She realized a steady pressure on her side was Red’s hoof holding her up. As she nodded mutely to the crowd, Globe walked in front of her, raising a hoof and quieting the crowd.
“Okay everybody, you all know why we’re here. Everyone working the Cultural Fair booths will follow me. If you’re working in the games Miss Ratio will be setting up in the back of the room.” The demure white mare gave a reserved wave. “Mister Glare’s volunteers will follow him to his lab for equipment.”
Globe grinned widely as he turned to Cheerilee. “Miss Cheerilee, would you mind going over the schedule with some of the new volunteers?”
He passed her a clipboard with her own handwriting clipped to it. Yup, there’s the Asteroid King idea. Hey, I’m running a play! She jumped slightly. Looks like the choices are some Findingway stories and...’Pearlshield Against the Lobster Giants in the Caves of Chaos?'
Cheerilee walked onto the cafeteria stage to inspect the materials placed in her care. As she crested onto the platform, the cafeteria went silent. She turned to see several dozen eyes staring at her expectantly. They expect me to say something…sober. Grinning apprehensively she walked to the school microphone. Tapping the button started a shower of sparks from the rotted cord; a drone of feedback sent the hooves of her audience over their ears. Cheerilee turned and bucked the offending device into the wall.
Globe whispered to Red. “Remind Miss Forgetful Hangover about that Fancy Pants donation, will you? We’ll need it.”
Cheerilee cleared her throat. Heck, if my kids hear me during lunchtime projecting in a near empty cafeteria is a cinch.
“I want to thank all of you for your support.” She looked down and scratched her hooves together. “This outpouring has been…amazing.” Red saw a familiar flash in her eyes; She’s got her internal soundtrack running, he thought as Cheerilee stepped more confidently to the front of the stage.
“There’s something more important than that. You gave us what no one else gave this town; you gave us a chance. You let a crazy mare from the sticks come here and turn everything upside down. I’m so proud of where we’ve ended up.” She narrowed her eyes. “I intend to keep us going regardless of whatever the school board thinks they can do.”
Hollers sounded from the cafeteria. Globe nudged Goldy. “Could you go get her cart? She’s going to be running on automatic for a while; I don’t want her to forget it.”
The pegasus smiled as she left the cafeteria; She could hear the energized earth pony screaming from the stage.
“We’re not going to take it anymore!”
She’s really hit her stride. As she walked into the literature room she swore she could make out the sounds of Cheerilee ordering Placeholder to do push-ups. Dragging Cheerilee’s battered cart from behind the desk, she noticed a piece of artwork lying on a desk.
She walked over to satisfy her curiosity and immediately inhaled in shock. Is that supposed to be…Red and Cheerilee? She looked away quickly, then slowly returned her gaze. She rotated the drawing around several times. I’ve known Red for years; he’s nowhere near that athletic, and he’d never use engineering supplies that way. She smiled. They do look cute together, though.
Goldy carefully placed the artwork in her friend’s cart with a mischievous grin.
Cheerilee whistled happily as she and Screwball trotted home. The schoolmare reveled in her young filly’s account of her day.
“…and me made a mess of the jewelry and Nailkicker’s dad said I was very useless!” The young filly radiated contentment. Her guardian felt a swell of pride.
As the two mares turned a corner Cheerilee’s heart stopped. Princess Luna stood in the middle of the path, admiring the architecture. The schoolmare had no illusions that this meeting was coincidence. Well, time to check in. “Good evening, Your Majesty!”
Luna snapped out of her contemplations and gave a polite nod. “Welcome, educator. I see thou hast thrived in these environs.” The schoolmare nodded. Luna’s eyes widened as she gestured to Screwball. “What is she doing?”
Turning to the side, Cheerilee saw Screwy doing a swaying handstand; her legs juggled several balls.
“Um…I think it’s supposed to be a curtsy, Your Majesty?”
Luna shrugged. “Times certainly have changed. How does the school fare in its struggles?”
“We’re working hard,” Cheerilee started. “We’ve put so much into this place; we’ll fight to keep it alive.” The alicorn nodded. “If I may, Your Majesty; is something bothering you?”
Luna met the worried eyes of the earth pony. “The eyes of Equestria are upon us. This school is the first thing my name has been attached to since I broke my self-imposed exile.” She gave a deep breath. “I am made so proud by the things I hear that you have accomplished, and yet we stand on the brink of failure.”
She absent-mindedly played with a loose cobblestone. “I wish I had my sister’s wisdom. She has an extra millennium of experience ruling, and sometimes I am surprised at the fierce insight she offers.” Luna lifted her head to meet the gaze of her audience. “I have yearned to be as successful as she at giving second chances; mayhap I only gave you false hopes.”
Cheerilee shook her head; she was preparing to answer the alicorn’s concern when Screwy made her displeasure known.
“I say thee nay!” The purple filly stomped on the ground in frustration. “A noble band of the motley and downtrodden now stands together. Whatever the morrow brings, seeds of joy and friendship have been sown that shall grow for a lifetime. I swear by the Obsidian Trident and the Beard of the Foamrider that her sacrifices shall not be in vain.”
Luna blinked. “Do I really sound like that?” Cheerilee shrugged. The princess started to giggle, and the schoolmare joined in. The Princess smiled at the young and determined filly. “My little pony, I know that whatever happens I’ll be proud that you and Cheerilee found each other.”
The alicorn stretched her wings and took to the air, only stopping when Screwy shouted, “Wait!”
Luna hesitated. “Why, my pony?”
Screwball shivered with effort; she coughed up a glob of something dark and red. She looked imploringly at the Princess as she strained to speak.
“Because you’re lonely. You speak funny and people don’t understand you. You worry that everyone will hate you and you’re still trying to help.” Screwball gritted her teeth; Luna looked worriedly at the purple pony as she struggled to regain her composure.
“Come home and have dinner with us!” A single bloody tear rolled out of Screwy’s eye as she bit her lip. “Please?”
Luna gently landed in front of Screwy; she wiped the red trail off the quivering earth pony’s face. “How can I resist such an eloquent plea?” Screwy bounced up and down in relief.
Cheerilee felt a wave of pride flush through her. “Let’s hit the marketplace; I think this calls for extra cranberries.” She made eyes at Screwy. “Maybe we can even have a guest or two over.”
Flip strained at the cart harness while groaning. “Remind me again why the pegasus gets to pull?”
“Because Quest said we needed the full equipment, making you the muscle,” Crunch replied. He kept his eyes on the map hovering in front of him as he dodged a streetlamp; years of reading while navigating the school hallways served him well. He stepped over a large pile of old chocolate milk bottles. “I myself am too valuable as a navigator, whilst the Lady Luster beside me should not be pulling a cart when a gentleman could. Be quiet now so I may locate Miss Cheerilee’s house.”
The green-coated filly to Crunch’s side gave a flattered nicker. “If I knew you blokes were gentlemen I would’ve started hanging with you years ago.”
The winged gamer shook his head as the three students navigated down the dark Old Canterlot street. “I could’ve read the map.”
Crunch lifted his eyes from the parchment for the first time since they picked up Luster. “The last time you mapped our characters fell in seventeen pit traps.”
Flip shrugged. “Could’ve happened to anyone.”
“Flip,” Crunch said with a sigh. “They were all the same pit.”
Luster started outright laughing as they came to the end of the street. The irregular stream of bottles lead to an overflowing alley. Crunch cleared his throat. "I think our good teacher’s domicile is beyond.”
Flip kicked the bottles aside. “Man, this is weird.” He suddenly gasped as he felt more weight being piled into the cart. He turned an gave a irritated glare at the abashed pink-haired filly as she stacked the cart higher with the glass refuse.
“Don’t look at me,” Luster countered. “These bottles get one a one-bit deposit each.”
Crunch knocked politely on the door as he looked disdainfully at his friend. “And that mindset, my dear Flip, is why our lovely new compatriot shall increase our treasure and experience haul exponentially. She can focus fully on the economics whilst I keep your character alive.”
Crunch shrugged. “I just don’t get why Quest said this game was so important.”
The door to Cheerilee’s apartment opened. Past the cornucopia of hanging plants was a scene that dropped the young ponies to their knees reflexively. The Dusky Princess of the Dark lifted her hooves into the air as she triumphantly bellowed, shaking the table in front of her.
“Huzzah! I highly succeeded at the roll! The damage is thus doubled!”
Cheerilee’s apartment was a scattered mess. All the usual gardening and grading tools had been pushed to the side; a field of textbooks now occupied the couch. The kitchen was a field of used dishes and food preparation tools. The table, free of food, now held an improvised map; Screwball knocked over a saltshaker and Quest nodded from behind a wooden screen with images of sea pony warriors imprinted on it.
Cheerilee stood at the door, beckoning the prostrate teens to stand. “Come on. Screwy wanted to share something special with our new friend.” She grinned as she lead the astonished teens to the table.
The young ponies took up seats around the table; Flip unrolled the map as Crunch levitated small metal figures out of a travel case.
Luster gulped nervously. “Your Majesty…you’re playing with us tonight?”
The Princess smile. “Tonight I am not thy Majesty. Thou shall refer to me as Moon Catcher, earth pony ranger and master trapper! My Necklace of the Conch shall allow me to traverse the ocean depths in search of adventure.”
Quest nervously looked up from his notes at Luna and Screwball, and then switched his gaze to Crunch. Crunch met his friend’s stare, then turned to Luster. They both suddenly glowered at Flip with a message so intent no spoken words were needed.
Flip, they mentally commanded in the telepathy that only teenage boys could share. Don’t you dare buck this night up for me.
He wiped his sweating brow. No pressure, right guys. “So,” said the young pegasus said with no hint of apprehension. “Are you gaming with us, Miss?”
Cheerilee shook her head. “I’m too exhausted. Maybe I’ll try next time.”
Quest raised his eyebrows apprehensively. “Do we need to make Luster a character?”
The green filly shook her head. “Don’t worry. I took a look at some of those books with the knights and numbers Crunch has. Assuming I’ve got the math right, my character is a metallic-coated unicorn with a mastery of telekinesis, the maximum levels of Beauty and Charisma, and enough spells so she can function underwater. Her name’s Pinnacle.”
Quest’s eyes strained to leap from their sockets as he examined her sheet. “You…you made this on your own?”
Luster batted her eyelashes at him. “Putting a hero together is like buying things; you just got to recognize the bargains.”
Crunch stared at her in silent adoration. Flip cleared his throat. “So, let’s begin. Moon Catcher and Pearlshield meet a group of allied heroes in the Whalebone Badlands…”
Cheerilee relaxed on the couch. Her yawns and stretches were answered by a pop so loud she caught one or two glances. Wow, I’m wiped. She flipped over and nuzzled her pillow. Now to close my eyes for a second.
Her thoughts were interrupted as a mint hoof kicked her door open. “Reinforcements are here, sir!”
Cheerilee cracked a worried eye open. Oh no. I know that tone of voice. She struggled to raise herself from the couch. As the exhausted schoolmare reclined back she caught the sight of a stunned green unicorn gazing across the now silent room in awe at the Princess.
The exhausted mare waved a hoof as lighting flashed outside. “Please be calm, Your Majesty. It’s just an old friend come to visit.” Turning her weary head felt like pulling the moon down from orbit to the weary teacher. “Lyra, what’re you doing here?”
The perpetually perky pony recovered as best as she could. “I’m just the first of many, Lee! Well, at least two. I have a whole cart of supplies and good wishes from Ponyville.” She levitated an envelope out of the cart into the exhausted mare’s lap. “This is from Ditzy; she said it was very important that I bring it. Have you two been working on something?”
Cheerilee nodded; the envelope’s delivery seemed to stir pleasant thoughts. “One of the most important things I’ve ever done.”
The bouncy musician settled on the couch, sitting in her own idiom. She glanced at her friend. “You know, you’ve got that ‘human-sitting’ thing down a lot better.
Ugh, don’t remind me. My back started hurting the moment you made me think about it. “I wouldn’t know, Lyra. You read all the Humanworld novels; I never got far into the second book.” Cheerilee adjusted her posture, draping herself over the edge of the couch.
The sudden silence stole Cheerilee’s attention; all the boys at the table were looking at the attractive noble mare sitting in her peculiar way. An angry alicorn gaze showed impatience with the interruption.
“Let’s take this conversation outside.”
Under the moonlight the two friends laughed; one chortled uproariously while the other only softly snickered.
“Seriously? Bon-Bon went into the cake headfirst? You wouldn’t happen to be exaggerating now, would you Miss Heartstrings?”
The unicorn shook her head. “Man, it’s good to talk to you again. I’ve missed you these past few months.” She suddenly grabbed the exhausted mare into a bearhug. “Now we get to see other everyday!”
Cheerilee croaked out a questioning squeak through the strangulation. Lyra released her.
“I’ve got a few weeks between concerts. I convinced Bon-Bon to let me come over and help you out.” A playful hoof hit the teacher in the shoulder. “She’s a little jealous, but she understands how important your friendship is to me.” The somber tone switched gears again. "So, shall we go out to dance?”
The mint smile was infectious. Maybe I could go for an hour; it’s honestly not that late. “We can dance if you want to, Lyra. You didn’t forget that, did you?”
The green partypony smacked her friend in the shoulder. “That’s the spirit, ‘Lee! I know a hopping club on the edge of New Canterlot where some agile mare could sweep you off your flank.”
“Lyra, I'm not sure I remember how to swing that way.” She stretched her limbs out and yawned.
“Flower Flank, in my hooves you’ll swing a lot of ways.” She looked at her friend’s long suffering smile. Cheerilee's eyes held painful memories. “I mean on the dance floor, I promise.” She placed a hoof gingerly on the schoolmare’s side. “We’ve got plenty of battles to fight tomorrow; let’s celebrate tonight.”
The schoolteacher stood as she triumphed over exhaustion. “Heartstrings, sometimes I think you’re delirious the way you run me down. Why do you always pop up when I need you?”
The unicorn’s heart jumped a little. Because if things were a little different, you could’ve been the one. She walked over to her fuchsia friend and gave her a tender hug. “You never gave up on me.”
They stood there for a while under the moonlight.
A half hour and a ride on a taxi cart later, the two laughing friends found themselves in front of a brightly-lit club. The flashing lights marked it as ‘The Unstable.’
Lyra shook her head in disappointment. “Man, this place was cooler when it was the ‘Crazy Corral.’ Let’s give it a shot.
Her friend only looked on in confusion. “Hey, Lyra?”
The mint musician pushed through the club doors. “Yeah, Flower Flank?”
“What’s a ‘man’?"
The two friends shortly found themselves on the dance floor. Both of them soon commanded a crowd. Lyra had the superior rhythm; she moved elegantly and flawlessly. Cheerilee's dance skills were by no means unimpressive, but she drew the crowd through bouncing enthusiasm.
Shortly the girls from Ponyville found themselves out of breath. As they grinned, the DJ threw a new album onto the player. A loud whinny filled the club.
Stand and deliver! I’m the dandy highwaymare that you’re too scared to mention…
“Hey, Flower Flank!”
“Yes, String Butt?”
Lyra smiled. “They’re playing our song.”
Cheerilee listened to the memories of years long past playing around her. “Heartstrings, let’s rest this one out. I’m hitting the bar.”
They idea was greeted with clops of applause. “Let’s bring back that funny drunken mare I’ve heard so much about.”
Soon the friends found themselves drinking together. An athletic bartending mare mixed up cocktails for the two giggling girls while they waxed nostalgic. Their conversation was interrupted by a voice behind them.
“Oh, look at that! It’s the exile.”
Lyra stopped in midsentence as another voice joined in.
“I wonder why she bothered to grace Canterlot with her presence.”
Cheerilee felt a chill go down her spine. Lyra looked to the barmare. “Pardon me,” she stated calmly. “Could I have a beer? Any kind will do.”
A familiar fear coursed through Cheerilee’s veins. Oh, please don’t let that happen tonight. She’s been happy for so long. She turned around to see a group of four hipster ponies barely controlling laughter. She had been a schoolmare long enough to recognize how bullies work. She looked at the purple-coated pegasus that instincts told her was the ringleader. “Please leave us alone.”
The mare ignored her; she only tittered in response. “She went all the way to Ponyville, didn’t she? I guess you have to go that far when your tastes deviate that far from the norm.”
The bottle exploded in Lyra’s telekinectic grasp. A shard flew past her cheek, drawing a crimson bead down her face. The enraged unicorn seemed not to notice.
“Okay. Alright.” She turned to the stunned group. “So, who’s first?” She lowered her head and pawed the ground with her hoof. “Who gets to be the first?”
A crowd started to gather around the disturbance. The amused group of fillies laughed at Lyra.
Oh buck, thought Cheerilee. They have no idea what they just did.
A flood of memories filled Cheerilee. She was staring through time at a blood-spitting teenage Lyra. The defiant filly stood surrounded by sneering schoolmates. A bent over Cloud Kicker was already rolling on her back as her crony Lily Blossom held a hoof to her own leaking nose. The mint unicorn bared her teeth in a scary grin as she looked at the mob that outnumbered her.
“Who’s next,” she had asked calmly that day at recess. “Who gets to be lucky number three?”
The terrified mare snapped out of her remembrance. She quickly superimposed herself between Lyra and the pegasus. The Canterlot pony sniffed at the intervention.
“Miss, I’d advise you to stay out of this."
A snicker was the response. "What makes you think two of you can handle us any better than one?”
The earth mare shook her head with a pleading look. “I’m not fighting at her side.” Cheerilee could swear she saw Lyra’s face go pale.
The confident popular mare examined the back of her own hoof. “If you won’t even stand by her…”
Cheerilee cut her off. “I will stand by her side if we faced the Smooze itself. In this fight, she just doesn’t need me cramping her style.”
The clique laughed. The indigo mare tossed her hair back. “What, she’ll do one on four? Did she learn that in Ponyville?”
As Lyra stood impassively like a statue, her friend tried to defuse the situation. “You’ll need at least double than that to even phase her. Look at her; she gives no bucks. If you mess with her now you’ll all wake up spitting teeth.” Cheerilee shrugged. “If I get into that fight I’ll probably end up taking a hoof myself.”
The ringleader gently laughed; her cohorts shivered in fear. “Miss, I refuse to stand down to a fillyf… ”
Two fuchsia hooves grabbed the laughing mare’s head and pulled it closer. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
An apprehensive chuckle escaped the filly’s throat. “What… what are you going to do about it?”
Cheerilee’s look promised pain. “I’m going to do the worst thing I could imagine.” She pulled the hurting pony so close their noses almost touched.
“I’ll let you finish that sentence. Then I’ll stand out of my friend’s way.”
A score of minutes later the two found themselves laughing as they wandered through the streets of Old Canterlot. Cheerilee was supporting her unsteady friend as Lyra’s levitatation kept a near empty six-pack in tow.
“Did you see those buckers run, ‘Lee? You’re… good at the thing where you mix the words and the stuff and they do things in the brain.”
The struggling schoolmare nodded as she pulled the unsteady barroom brawler with her. “Anytime, Lyra.”
A pensive green face gave a bashful look to her escort. “I owe you so much, man. I mean…I don’t know what I would’ve done without knowing you in school. I never would’ve found Bon-Bon if you hadn’t egged me on.” She belched unsteadily. “You were right; it gets better.”
Cheerilee shook her head as she dragged her oldest friend along. For someone so ready to fight, she’s always been a sappy drunk. She grinned at old memories. This should be okay, as long as she’s not drunk enough to try to kiss me. This time, at least.
As the two struggle against unstable hooves a familiar academy pulled into view. The schoolmare stared in surprised as she looked through the gate; the lights were on.
Who’s in there at this time of night?
The struggling pony pushed the gate open and took her burden into the courtyard; she lowered the nearly unconscious unicorn onto a bench.
“Lyra, rest here for a little while.” She cast a glance back and forth until she found a discarded helmet from one of Globe’s battles. “I’m going to go up and check out that light. I’ll be right back to take us back to my house. If you have to spew, spew into this.”
Her drunken friend waved a hoof in the air and started drawing into an unconscious, snoring ball.
As the curious teacher opened the door with trepidation, she saw Cleansweep standing in the main intersection. Even through his dark glasses the stallion looked nervous as he stared into one of the classroom. Cheerilee softly trotted over to him; her whisper made the green custodian jump; his hazmat helmet mark was visibly vibrating.
“Sweep, is there an intruder in the school?” He shook his head with force. “Some is in Red’s room though, right?” He drew a nervous smile and nodded. “Well, I’ll go tell them to scram.”
The bold pony cantered into the science room. “Excuse me, but office hours are only between…”
She paused, dumbstruck. Red’s desked housed a three-dimensional model of the sun. A student had made the cross-sectioned sphere for a project.
An ivory alicorn regarded the crafted artwork. “Do you think it captured the good side?”
Cheerilee dropped to the ground at the sight of the Mare of the Morning. She averted her eyes; she prostrated as hard as she could. As silence continued she slowly and cautiously cracked open a single eyelid.
She saw a perfectly formed tongue rolling around outside a pair of alabaster lips. Two eyes alight with mischief frame the regal face.
Is Princess Celestia…making faces at me?
The alicorn suddenly crossed her eyes and blew an impressive raspberry at the earth pony. Cheerilee was helpless to resist shaking with laughter. She rolled onto her back, quivering and giggling. After a minute, she silenced herself and looked at Celestia. The Princess smiled and beckoned her to rise, then started giggling to herself.
“I always love doing that! You’d be surprised how long some ponies keep their eyes closed.”
Cheerilee stood as she wiped tears from her eyes. “Do you really always do that, your Majesty?”
The alicorn’s smile briefly disappeared. “It’s lonely sometimes to be in a room where every pony is afraid to look at you.” The grin quickly reappeared.
Cheerilee’s mind raced. She wears a mask just like me; I use it for the students, but she has to wear it for everyone. A more pressing concern came to the forefront of her mind. “Your Majesty, what brings you to the school after hours?”
Celestia regarded the nervous filly with curiosity. “The workings of this building consume my sister’s thoughts. I wanted to see what the fuss was about.”
The surprised schoolteacher scanned the area. “Is it safe for you to be here without your guards, My Lady?”
The nonplussed ruler raised an eyebrow. “You’re right. They should be here in case Discord shows up; they could buck him in the face.”
The earth pony felt a strangled yelp get caught in her throat. Does she know? If I tell her, will he step up his game? Her answer came when Celestia leaned close to her. “That’s a joke, Cheerilee. Calm down.”
Celestia started walking into Cheerilee’s classroom, gesturing for her to follow. The teacher kept as respectful a distance as her curiosity would allow her. She saw the alicorn’s gaze sweep over the graded assignments pasted to her wall; Celestia smiled with appreciation.
“It is a good thing to let your students know how much you really appreciate them. So, my sister tells me you will be holding a festival here?”
The fuchsia mare swallowed. “Indeed, Your Majesty. We’ll be putting on an event for each of our subjects to show the townsfolk why the children need us.” Celestia nodded as Cheerilee continued. “I do wonder something, Your Highness.” The monarch tilted her head. “If you support what we’re doing here, why don’t you pass a royal decree to save the school?”
Celestia’s horn glowed as she closed the classroom door. As soon as the two mares were alone she dropped onto her haunches. “Cheerilee, there is an old body of rules and statutes in Equestrian law that restrict my actions. They date back centuries.”
The teacher nodded. She walked over to her desk and opened a box of donuts left over form from the volunteer meeting. Suddenly thinking better of it, she placed the box on the floor between the Princess and herself. Celestia’s eyes lit up with glee. She immediately began attacking the pastries.
As Celestia devoured the pastries she noticed Cheerilee’s shocked expression. She spoke through a mouth that was not entirely empty of donuts. “Trust me, if more mares could exercise using nuclear fusion they’d never have to diet.” Cheerilee let out another laugh as she started on her own donut.
“Princess, as the ruler of Equestria, couldn’t you somehow find a way around those laws?”
Celestia blinked. “I hope not. I wrote them very specifically to avoid that.”
Cheerilee stared. “You wrote the laws that stand in your way?”
The alicorn rolled her eyes. “Not single-handedly. My sister can work magic with tax codes.” She saw Cheerilee’s uncomprehending expression of confusion and sighed.
“My little pony, I could easily decree that the school remain open. I could go on to make sure Old Canterlot accepts my charity donations and uses them for the academy. They may need to restructure their economy; I could offer suggestions they would feel obligated to take.” Celestia chewed a donut. “If there’s a labor problem, some ponies may have to move here and others move out to spread skills through the job pool. I’m sure they’d do it if I asked.”
Cheerilee listened attentively.
“It would certainly all happen just like that. I’d just have to open my mouth – and I’m absolutely terrified of that.” She thoughtfully chewed a donut. “The night before Luna became Nightmare Moon she gave me a wager. Luna was crazed with jealousy; she offered to forget all of her demands if I did a single thing.” Celestia’s eyes swelled with painful remembrances; Cheerilee almost begged her to stop.
“I’d like to think it was the dark thing that was Nightmare Moon talking. She said she would go into exile if I just asked one family to lead their only child into the woods and sacrifice them to me. I was to tell them it was for a matter of importance I couldn’t explain, but the fate of Equestria hung in the balance. ‘Surely no one would do such a thing, even for you? Just wait until they refuse and you’ll be rid of me forever,’ she told me.”
Cheerilee couldn’t move a muscle if she wanted.
“I never had the heart to find out. The moment I banished her I set about codifying the laws to strip myself of almost all political power. I couldn’t find a better way to resolve my greatest struggle except to banish my only sister; pony kind ill deserves a savior such as I.”
The alicorn’s eyes were pointing downwards. A tear rolled onto the floor before she willed the smiling mask back onto her expression.
Cheerilee stood up and walked over to Celestia. Am I really brave enough to do this? She laid a hoof on the shoulder of the immortal monarch of the her kingdom.
“Princess, the reason we love you…the reason we’d all walk into Nightmare Valley for you if you asked is that we know you’d never tell us to do something as awful as Nightmare Moon suggested. We do what you say because of how much you care for us.”
In for a bit…What the Hay, might as well go all out. If this is a mistake the only thing that could happen is the royal bodyguards showing up now and kicking me in the head.
Celestia’s expression crumbled into a look of surprise as Cheerilee put her hooves around the neck of the reclining alicorn.
This is such a bad idea. Maybe I’ll end up on an asteroid. Actually, I hear comet Ingram’s got a nice view every few decades.
“We love you. Your sister loves you more. She talks about how much she wants you to be proud of her. She forgave you, and the awful thing that made that bet is gone.”
Gonna go to space, gonna go to space…
Celestia’s neutral tone cut through the quiet. “Cheerilee of Ponyville, you have done something no other pony has done in generations.”
Okay, I’ll be sucking cold vacuum in five…four…three…
Cheerilee felt the intensely warm neck of the Princess lean onto hers; her ear momentarily caught the sound of a heartbeat that kept in unison with a core of raging hydrogen. After a few quiet and peaceful moments, the monarch raised her head out of the hug and smiled. It was not the royal smile given to crowds, nor was it the mask raised by bedraggled teachers and immortal royalty to assure nervous students and subjects. It was a smile of genuine joy.
“Thank you.”
Yay! Awesome! No space for me!
Celestia stood up. “Miss Cheerilee, I shall do everything that is allowed within my power to help. The final hurdle must be jumped by you. You have used the power of friendship to rally this faculty; have faith in it to carry you forward.”
Cheerilee feel back onto the floor, relieved. “I’ll do everything I can to save this space...place! I mean, ‘place’!
The Sister to the Stars merely smiled. She patted Cheerilee’s head with her hoof. Opening the window, she flew out gracefully. Suddenly she turned to the classroom, staring in confusion. “I sense something; a presence I’ve not felt in…”
She shook her head. As if remembering a final task, she turned to the schoolmare. “By the way, mare of inspiration…could you try to get Twilight to lighten up a little toward me as well? She still occasionally worries that I’ll pitch her into the cosmos or something similar. How ridiculous is that?”
Cheerilee just grinned and waved as the alicorn teleported out. She walked over to her desk, head supported on her hooves. The schoolmare smiled for a few minutes, lost in thought. Her smile gradually faded as she noticed the pile of festival plans sharing fighting for space with a stack of ungraded assignments.
It never stops coming, does it?
A draconequus smiled with anticipation. Let's establish the players, now...
Cheerile’s living room floor was filled with snoring teenagers. Luna kept guard over them; she stared out the window at her sky, lost in thought. Her sister was briefly silhouetted against the Moon, and she breathed deeply. I will impress you this time, Celestia.
Placeholder nervously shrunk from the attention of Prunecrop; the administrator sat in Placeholder’s living room as he regaled Placeholder with his plans against the schoolmare.
Goldy and Globe shared a look over coffee at a diner. Their expressions showed how worried they were.
Red walked through the streets slowly; his mind was on someone else. The stallion looked up at the Moon, his heart filled with the kind of prayers to Luna that only astronomy-minded ponies offered nowadays.
Discord sat on the roof of the school holding a conductor’s baton. He waved in the air to the buffalo brass band, and then gently gestured to the rooster mariachi band to begin. “Places, everyone!”
Regardless, as our dedicated if demented draconequus begins the first few bars, let’s return to the star of our show…
CHEERILEE: The unknown future frightens me. I look into it and it’s blank. I’ll walk on through It’s the only thing to do. I’m going to kick some flank!
The other teachers look to me I'll smile hard to fan the flames. I've save the day, or slowly walk away. I think I hear the train.
Now we are down to the wire There’s nowhere left to turn I will go down to the wire To help them…
PRUNECROP: That classroom menace torments me. But now she's helpless I've no doubt. She's sure to fail, Get run out on a rail! PLACEHOLDER: ...I need to help her out.
LUNA: For like a moth to a fire She'll risk for what she yearns She will go down to the wire To help them...
RED: Can I do a thing to aid her? Will this clumsy screw-up save her? I've just found her; life is never fair.
GOLDY: We'll stand with her while she needs us GLOBE: If we triumph she won’t leave us. Imagine just what that would do to Glare.
TEACHERS: We’ll help her through It’s what we’ve always meant to do And now we’re down to the wire...
CHEERILEE: The kids all place their hopes on me I’ll help them all be without fear. RED: I have no fear CHERRILEE: Am I too late To change my students’ fates; RED: While we’re together CHEERILEE: Can they be happy here?
GLOBE: She made all us teachers better. PRUNECROP: No there is no one to save her! GOLDY: Everyone will try to do their part. CHEERILEE: Rocking like an ocean. PRUNECROP: She can’t help the school anyhow! LYRA: I think that beer’s coming up now! RED: What’s it going to take to win her heart? LUNA: She’s a friend to me. CHEERILEE: Tomorrow’s rain is finally falling all the same.
TEACHERS TOGETHER: So we are down to the wire A path from we won’t turn And we’ll go down to the wire To help them Learn. Help them learn. Help them learn. Help them learn! (Cheerilee lets her head fall onto her desk) DISCORD: Showtime!
School Daze by Paleo Prints Chapter 9: Stand Up and Shout
The cracks in Cheerilee's ceiling had ceased to be interesting hours ago. She had made all of the reasonable shapes out of it with her mind: Red's face, the school, donuts, Placeholder, and that terrifyingly-drawn picture of the Smooze from the bed-time book her mother used to read to her.
And she wondered why I never went to bed until late. Every so often an errant breeze through the open window would filter in, slightly shaking the hanging plants and bringing with it an errant noise of industry from somewhere in town.
The insomniac schoolteacher curled into her blanket, willing herself to sleep. Despite weeks of preparation, the looming fair terrified her. With the opening festivities a few sparse hours away, the mare of eternal optimism was finding it hard to keep her mind clear.
Admitting defeat, Cheerilee threw off her covers. She silently crept into the living room. Scanning the house, the disappointed mare saw that her stealth was to no avail. Screwball's hammock hung across the middle of the room. It resembled a foal's mobile with dozens of origami ponies hanging from it, spinning in elegant dances that Cheerilee always thought were intentional. The hammock also happened to be empty.
A pinkish teen was slumped over the table, scribbling with effort on a stack of graph paper. The bleary-eyed adult peered over her ward's shoulder. She saw a maze of twisting paths with scattered notes and equations.
“Hello, Screwy,” Cheerilee said as walked towards the fridge. “Math homework?”
The purple-haired ball of energy shook her head. “It's not a birthday dungeon for Quest.”
Her guardian nodded sagely as she looked for a late-night snack. She gave an irritated sound as her hoof stepped in something.
“Screwball? Why is there cheese on my floor?”
The young chaosborn bit her lip pensively, looking embarrassed. Sighing, the suffering schoolteacher waved it away. “Nevermind.”
Sitting down with the latest pot of long-cooled coffee, the older mare inspected the drawing. She was stunned at the intricate detail and imaginative writing that filled the page. Suddenly, and with a start, she nearly dropped her coffee cup. Placing the mug on the table, she carefully pulled the dungeon out of Screwy's hooves and rotated it around. She squinted at it in disbelief.
“Dear, if I turn this sideways it's a perfect portrait of Quest.”
The enthusiastic filly nodded.
“So... for his birthday you're running a game where he will unknowingly enter his own head to kill monsters?”
The spiral-eyed savant smiled. “I'm not framing it and giving it to him afterwards!”
The nostalgic mare smirked. Ah, young love. I remember mix tapes. She took a sip of her coffee as Screwball passed her another sheet of paper. As the youth beamed, her mother-figure raised skeptical eyebrows.
“The Perilous Caves of the Scarlet Tempest?” Cheerilee rotated it experimentally and gasped at the picture it presented to her...
“Screwy, is this Red?”
Her young friend had gotten out of her chair to stand next to her. The mischievous young mare began strongly nudging the slack-jawed teacher while winking spasmodically.
Cheerilee pushed the graph paper away. “No, Screwball... ” She looked at the hopeful face before her and chose her words carefully. “I... just wouldn't know how to run this thing for Red.” She sighed. “He deserves a better run through the dungeon than that.”
The small bringer of bedlam grinned asymmetrically, dropping a stack of hardcover books on the table. Her beleaguered guardian deflated.
“Okay, Screwy. Maybe I’ll try after the festival. For now I'll going to try to grab a hoofful of bedtime hours before the festival.” As she pulled the coffee closer a loud knocking rang out from the door.
The startled insomniac dropped the mug while emitting a noise not unlike an 'eep.' Who can it be now? She carefully crept to the door. Can't they see that it's late at night?
The jumpy mare started peering apprehensively through the peephole, trying to make out the face in the darkness. With an exasperated smile she threw open the door, bracing herself for the expected running hug-tackle.
Seconds later she was staring eye to demented smile underneath a mint green face. “I'm heeee-ere!”
The assaulted and exhausted pony sighed. “I'm glad you made it.”
Her best friend nodded, close to vibrating herself into a parallel universe. Cheerilee eyed the vibrating horn with trepidation.
The smothered schoolteacher tried a different track. “I can help you unpack your things if...”
The ballistic party girl shook her head. “Nope! Let's get ready for fun.”
Strike three. “Lyra, you're crushing me.”
Making the couch in one leap, the hopping harpist regarded the messy mare sprawled before her. She thoughtfully massaged her chin. “Say, are you okay ‘Lee? Sounds like there’s a stopper in your enthusiasm well.”
The exhausted pony threw a limb over her eyes. “I can’t get to sleep. I think about the implications of diving in too deep.” Her eyes flickered over to the drawing of Red, now resting on the chair. “...and possibly the complications.”
The perky musician slammed her hooves together. “Nonsense! I’m here now. Who always takes care of you, ‘Lee?”
The prone filly rolled onto her side. “I don’t think there’s anything you can buck to make things better this time.”
Her ebullient friend shook her head. “Man, ‘Lee. You need some of our patented old-fashioned relaxation.” Lyra saw her friend nervously gesture to Screwball, reminding Lyra that the young filly was listening. “Clubbing! I meant clubbing. So, shall we hit one of those all-night dance floors with the few hours remaining? The train dropped me off just early enough for us to...”
Her enthusiasm was only answered by snoring.
Consciousness gently pecked at Cheerilee’s mind. She felt a nagging yet not unpleasant presence intrude into her relaxed darkness. Slowly the bleariness of morning resolved into a gently singing cuckoo. The still dazed sleeper blinked at the sight.
“Um.” She offered a tentative smile. The bird gave a winged approximation of a hoof’s up. Shrugging, she relented to the oddity. “Thank you.” She kicked out of bed, yawning wildly.
The cuckoo merely smiled, nudging out of sight the pack of birdseed left behind for him by a spiral-eyed girl. Passing the whistling bird the groggy form ambled toward the already set kitchen table. As the unkempt shape came into view, a bouncy mint chef elbowed her assistant. The young filly stopped balancing eggs on her nose.
“Take a look, Screwy. Here we go.”
A fuchsia form plopped unceremoniously into a seat, mumbling illegibly. Her (although it could barely be called feminine at that point) eyes were unfocused as her hooves scratched various places. Nearly vibrating with anticipation, Lyra levitated a steaming plate of breakfast in front of the groggy pony-like thing.
Screwball’s eyes widened and spun faster as Cheerilee’s hair let loose with a ‘sproing,’ curling into familiar patterns. The pony’s posture instantly straightened as a wide smile greeted the attentive cooking crew. “Good morning everyone!”
As Screwball starting drooling in confusion Lyra leaned in, speaking in an exaggerated stage whisper. “Don’t try to think about it too hard, kid. She’s been able to do that since college.” Lyra’s hooves found Cheerilee’s shoulders. “Ready to hit the road? We’ve got all the carts loaded to go. Let’s move our feet and get our hands dirty!”
An egg-swallowing mouth briefly cleared itself. “You freaky 'fleshies' scare me sometimes.” Her obsessive wingmare only giggled as she set onto her own plate.
“Heck ‘Lee, you should see the ‘fleshsuit’ I built for the next convention.”
The subsequent choking sent the rest of the table into hysterics.
A motivated teaching cart caravan pulled themselves onto school property. The sun had been up in the school for barely a few hours, and Cheerilee had been confident that she’d arrive before anyone else. Her mind reeled when she saw forms already at work.
A line of launching pumps was being tended to by a peach-coated filly. Bomber hovered over each jury-rigged contraption, making delicate adjustments. Her teacher could swear she was talking to the devices like a gardener soothing flowers. As the started schoolmare struggled with mental composure a similarly-colored stallion stepped to her side.
“So, yer the organizing teacher.” His tattered military jacket jingled from fading metal pieces tacked to it. “My name’s Foxhole. I understand you arranged for my niece to run this little artillery nest.”
Cheerilee searched his eyes for a clue to his emotional state. Finding nothing, she settled on the old reliable. “I absolutely did, sir! Red and I have been amazed at her mechanical prowess.”
The aging veteran nodded. “She sent a tin can flyin’ four streets over last week. Yesterday she blew our old oven into shrapnel getting ready for this big hullaballoo. I wanted to talk to you about what she’s getting herself into.”
The teacher was paralyzed, flashing a diplomatic smile. Here comes parent battle number one. She waited breathlessly for his next word.
“Shouldn’t you start a club or something for this? It seems to me there has to be other kids interested. Bomber could organize it easily.”
Okay, close mouth. Begin kibitzing. “So you’re…happy with it?”
The aging soldier rolled his eyes. “Miss, in the years since her parents passed the only thing my niece looked for were fights. I counted myself lucky that she went after bullies instead of bein’ one. Now she’s doin’ extra chores t’ save up for a chemistry set. I’ve never seen her be this excited.”
He gestured at the busy teen in question. She was setting up an oblong monstrosity with spiked fins.
“I was sure that girl’s cutie mark was gonna be a hoof and some broken teeth. I think you ponies do wonderful things here, and I’m not the only parent to notice. So, where’s the pie table? I volunteered for that one.”
“Um… I see Lyra getting the hay bacon out now. She’s the green one that’s standing funny.”
With a nod the amused servicestallion excused himself. He turned back after a few paces.
“I was impressed when she fragged that stove. I swear I thought she’d never get that mix right.”
Within the hour a titling four-wheeled monstrosity was dragged noisily into the setup area. The lab coat-wearing owner scanned the crowd absentmindedly for a familiar face. As he ambled toward the readied rows of rockets a toothy grin jumped into his field of vision. Terrified, he let go of his cart as it connected with a table, leaving dents and scrapes.
Red found himself centimeters from the piercing gaze of a mint unicorn. Her unwavering vision scrutinized him in an unsettling manner. “Hi! You must be Red! I’ve heard ever so much about you.”
The unsettled science stallion began unpacking his cart. “Really? All things, I hope? Things that would be considered good, perhaps?”
He found the lack of readable reaction in her dread-inspiring. Her expression was unchanging as she inquired, “How did you two meet?”
His hooves found something to set up as an excuse to turn his gaze away. “Well, I covered her in gunk. Accidentally, of course. Then she stopped treating me like a stalker.” His tone regained confidence. “We’ve been helping each other plan. She had a great science program in Ponyville I gather. She’s been helping me to experiment.”
Lyra’s tone was wistful. “Huh. Reminds me of college.”
The noisy din of the launcher being knocked on its side covered the sound of Red’s choking. The irrepressible musician continued. “So, what do you do for fun around here?”
Red felt certain he was being tested. “Um, I play games, do experiments, star-gaze…”
His unicorn inquisitor’s head cocked. “And… what does she do for fun?”
A hoof wiped across the forehead of the interrogated educator. “She gardens. She’s working on hybridizing some roses. I think Screwy’s got her learning the games.” His eyes lit up. “Oh! She sits under the tree on Hardhat Avenue reading poetry every Tuesday and Thursday!”
Silence hung in the air. “Um… knowing that is totally not creepy, by the way. Right, Miss?”
After a silent second of time Lyra giggled. Red thought he had never heard a sound with such joy and menace combined.
“You’re cute, Mr. Glare. She can bring you to my wedding if she wants. One last question though, Mr. Glare, What’s the tensile strength of something like, I don’t know…harpsichord string?”
His composure returned as he settled into a familiar area. “Fantastic! You could wrap it around anything and it’d start cutting slowly into the object way before it snapped.”
The terrifying mare leaned in very close. “I own fifty feet of heavy-duty stock and a shovel. If you ever hurt her no one will ever find you.”
His face fell as she put a hoof around his shoulder. “But we’re going to be the best of friends, aren’t we?”
He was too speechless to reply. He saw oblivion in the depths of her golden eyes. As his brain struggled with the fight-or-flight response a voice mercifully interrupted. Great, he thought with relief. A witness!
“Excuse me, Lyra. Have you seen my daughter anywhere?”
As Lyra’s gaze turned to the newcomer she thoughtfully turned Red’s head manually in the same direction. “Why, it’s your lucky day, Mr. Glare! This is Cheerilee’s mother, Orchid Petal! Say hello, Mr. Glare.” There was a pause. “Now, Mr. Glare.”
Red regarded the interloper. She had an amazingly soft-looking purple coat just a few shades darker than her daughter. Her pink mane trailed down wildly, reminding him of one of Photo Finish’s models. Traces of grey could be seen in it, but they looked more like accents than the product of age. Two perfect green eyes blinked in anticipation as the curvy older mare scrutinized him. Wow. Now I know where Cheerilee gets it from.
Red sprung to life. “Hello, Mrs. Petal! Lovely name,” he stammered nervously. “Orchid. Very pretty. Comes from an ancient word for testicle, you know.” He grunted with pain as a rocket part was telekinetically ground into his back. “I’m Red Glare! I work on your daughter. With her! Work with her!”
I’m going to die here.
The confused mare stepped backwards. She angled a hoof at the tense unicorn. “This is the boy she writes about?”
Red turned to his captor with visible terror. This is it. She ends me here. He saw a decision being weighed in her eyes. The glassy stare suddenly became warm and her limb relaxed around his shoulders. The transformed mare laughed.
“Come on, Mrs. Petal.” The now-at-ease musician gestured to herself and the suddenly hopeful teacher. “You know how she goes for us charity cases. Now, where’s your husband?”
A familiar bashful gaze at the ground told Lyra everything she needed to know. Embarrassingly aware of this fact, Orchid tried to explain anyway. “Thorn’s very busy this week. There’s a huge seed shipment due, not to mention Moon Flowers that need exact tending.”
Red felt the limb behind his neck tense. He heard an aggravated tone slip out of the strange unicorn. “Really? He couldn’t even come to her big day? It’s not like he hasn’t hired help for the warehouse.”
“My husband works hard, Miss Heartstrings. It’s not like everyone is born in Canterlot.” Red felt like he was trapped in an old battle as venom crept into the offended earth pony’s voice. “All those records you borrowed and treated so carelessly years ago cost money, you know. He only wants to provide for her.”
The aging beauty kept her eyes on Lyra as she addressed the stunned science stallion. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Glare.” Her smile dripped venom in the direction of the tense younger filly. “I’m glad my daughter’s finally met a nice…boy.” Orchid walked off with satisfaction.
The two ponies stayed in their uncomfortable position for long moments. The green mare deflated onto the ground, sitting in a position Red felt uncomfortable just considering. He threw his head back and forth, looking for somewhere to turn for help. Resigned to the decision, he painfully attempted to mimic the strange unicorn’s sitting position and put his limb around her neck.
“And I wondered why she dedicated her life to making sure kids got attention, Red.” Her eyes flickered open in surprise as she leaned into the contact. “You’re not bad, Mr. Glare. I’m sure Orchid will approve of you, eventually.” He stayed still, unsure of her tone. “I’m expecting my better half soon; you go find Cheerilee while I look for my fiancé.” She stood up with a sudden decision and turned to him with a smile that was as honest as it was vulnerable. “Just don’t sit me next to the old nag when you two get married, okay?”
As she walked away, Red finally fainted.
As the science pony enjoyed the brief respite of unconsciousness, Cheerilee found herself at the other end of the emotional spectrum. She was dealing with a breakdown of morale in the main ticket booth in front of the games area. Her perennial grin was cracking as she found herself trying to coax a fully grown pegasus out from under a table.
“Goldy, we need you out there now! The games booths won’t police themselves and the kids look up to you.”
Her pleas brought the terrified feathered faculty member out of her hiding place. “But… the parents want to talk to me.”
The set-upon literature teacher dropped onto the floor next to her friend. Empathy started to push itself through her panic. “Miss Ratio, you handled the hardest math class I’ve ever seen. Why do the parents matter?” Come on now, flash The Smile. Nopony can resist The Smile.
“I can’t shoot wind and thunder at parents and get away with it. What if they want to discuss grades? They always want to discuss grades.”
Cheerilee shook her head as she drew her friend up from the floor. There was only a token resistance. She locked eyes with her quivering friend. Okay, she deals with social fear by getting into a position of authority. If she doesn’t have authority, how can I give it to her?
The eyes of the Mare of Motivation lit up. Gnarly! I got this. She gently leaned into Goldy’s ear with a conspiratorial whisper; Cheerilee felt the math mare flinch as her hot breath fell onto Goldy’s ear.
“You know who wouldn’t be scared of a parent?” Goldy shook her head. “A John Growlssom protagonist. What happens when someone yells at a lawyer in a John Growlssom novel?”
The white-feathered law-obsessed mare smiled. “They’d bark out an objection, produce some evidence, seduce the court recorder, and then get into a gunfight.”
The relieved literature mare nodded. “There’s your answer. That’s how you handle it.” A look of uncertainty spread over her face. “Well, do two of those. You can do three, but keep the last off school grounds.” The two friends shared a relieved laugh.
Goldy smoothed her ruffled feathers as she saw a group of parents approach her booth. “Red’s really lucky, you know.”
Cheerilee stopped to consider the compliment as Goldy went into business mode. She smiled like a diamond dog addressing the jury as she talked to the parents. “Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Games Fair! Tickets can be bought in groups of improper fractions according to the board to my right.” She nodded with a grin to a parent waving from the back. “Mister Rattlerock! I’d like to show you Sledge’s last test paper when I can; I have it in my valise.”
As tickets were doled out to the rest of the crowd, the hesitant parent trotted over to the counter. “Let’s enter this daily practice quiz sheet into the record as ‘exhibit A’…”
The organizing schoolmare shook her head as she walked away. That girl has her booth well in hand. The festival seemed to be starting off on the right hoof. From her position she could make out Globe’s Cultural Fair; Sluice was regaling a ground of attentive parents, lecturing while looking smart in his Veneightian canal boatpony outfit. Nearby Luster and Crunch were dressed in buffalo headdresses as they sold student-made costume jewelry for raising school funds. Globe himself was drawing amiable laughter from a mustached member of the Canterlot elite.
Her proud attention was distracted as she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. She turned to find a very nervous teen unicorn. The light pink filly looked around nervously, jumping at sudden sounds. You'd think she'd never seen an Equestrian town festival before.
“My pardons, Miss Cheerilee. My Mom is to being looking for you.”
I always told Ditzy I’d give speech tutoring to her daughter if she wanted. Where did she ever adopt her from? “That’d be lovely, Sparkler. Do you know if she has the forms and papers I asked her to bring?” The answering nod made her smile.
“Well, lay on MacRuff; show me to your parents. Did your Dad finally join us here today?”
Sparkler bit her lip nervously. “Here? Today? I am uncertain on both counts.”
The adult put a steadying hoof on her family friend’s shoulder. “You can explain where ‘Mr. John Smith’ is when we get to Ditzy and Dinky. Let’s go.” The booths seem to be fine. I can check on them later. What’s the worst that could happen?
Elsewhere on the streets of distant Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle ran through a rock candy hail, shielding her eyes with a levitated folding chair. Darn it, I REALLY wanted to go to Cheerilee’s fair today. She galloped toward a series of standing stones constructed out of pudding pops where a half-dozen of her friends and two alicorns had already fought their way through the chaos.
Cresting the hill, she dodged flying gummy sharks to reach her teacher. “Princess! How goes the divination spell?”
Celestia stared at the waves of chaos candy creations with concerned eyes. “Dearest Twilight, I fear I am having trouble locating Discord amidst all this chaos. Even our detection spell has limits.”
She was interrupted as one of the gummy sharks looped into the air around it; the Elements of Harmony had to work hard to make themselves heard over the noisy hovering heralds. The levitating hammerhead screamed out in a loud voice. “He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms!”
Suddenly, the shrieking false flying fish was cut into two by a darkly flashing horn. An inconsolable Princess Luna snorted, her eyes flashing in rage as she cleaved chaos creations in twain. “I was supposed to be at MINE FESTIVAL TODAY, CURS!” Her wrath-filled shout shattered a pudding pop the size of a house, sending three colors of cream streaking into a nearby unicorn.
Rarity shuddered at the sight of the orange, red, and purple globs sticking to her coat in irregular patterns. Controlling her shivering, she turned to Celestia. “Your Majesty, is there any way you could remind your darling sister about watching for collateral damage?” The seamstress suddenly flinched at the sound of something large collapsing. The white alicorn only gave a morale-raising smile.
Several streets over a giant gingerbread pony brought its foot down on an evacuated building. A vibrating pink pony narrowed her eyes. “Hey, nopony steps on a bakery in my town!”
Twilight regarded the nightmarish scenes around her intellectually as her friends aided in controlling it. “If he’s gone to all this trouble to create a scene, where is he? Why does this feel like a distraction?”
Twilight’s answer would have been found in the vendor’s tents in Old Canterlot. At that dramatically appropriate and exact moment, a light gray pegasus in a scoutmaster jacket was leading a small troupe of younger winged ponies through the many booths of parent volunteers. “That’s right, Junior Flyers! Let’s make our way through the sample booths to the fun stuff! Everyone stay in line, please.”
A gaggle of groans reached his ears as the campers followed. “Mister Storm Vision, could we just look around? There’s cool stuff going on!”
The smiling counselor shook his head. “We have to make sure no one gets lost on this field trip, little guy. Let’s do a head count; no one left their head on the wagon, right?”
His students gave him a nonplussed, silent barrage of stares. He nervously chuckled as he pulled out a clipboard. “Heh. Tough crowd.”
Unbeknownst to the unsuspecting troupe leader, his feeble attempts at humor were being regarded by cool and envious eyes a few tents down. There was a rather large structure between two of the snack booths; neither proprietor had actually seen it go up this morning. Two mismatched limbs hidden under surgical gloves clapped loudly to get the attention of the groups of children. A heavy Hoofsberg accent shouted out toward the unsuspecting troupe.
“Yoo hoo! Children! How vould you like a demonstration! Schnell, over here!”
As Storm looked up from his attendance clipboard, he saw his charges gathering in front of a booth marked ‘Dr. Ocsid’s Sustainable Dentistry & Candy Supplier.’ The rather tall booth proprietor was commanding their attention, gesturing wildly despite being wrapped in a bulky surgeon’s outfit that only left his eyes visible. Storm disguised his panic at the threat to his field trip’s order. Why didn’t I ask for an easier camp position, like bear wrestler?
“Come on, kids! Do I need to get some glue to get us to stick together?” He trotted to the booth, where the ‘dentist’ was staring at him intently.
“You must be Herr Counselor. That’s was a joke just then, nein?”
The high-strung counselor stuttered; the doctor towered over him, and he swore two mismatched wing flapped under the back of the scrubs. That must be one freaky pegasus under there. “Uh, yeah. A little humor helps the kids relax. W-w-w-we should really be getting back to schedule.”
A large arm snaked around Storm’s neck; the high-strung stallion was too nervous to notice the arm didn’t end in a hoof but a large paw that differed from its twin in shape. “Mein freund, you need help.” The darkly-chuckling surgeon led him into a mock dentist’s chair. “I haff a demonstration on oral hygiene that will definitely entertain the young kinders.” Surprised by a flash of light, Storm found himself already strapped down on a table before he could voice a dissenting view. He saw the children were all eagerly watching their counselor’s discomfort.
Struggling against his bonds, he chirped objections. “I really have to get the kids to the rocket launch on time, sir.”
The surgeon was washing his hands in a bin of chocolate milk. “Call me ‘Herr Doctor,’ please. I didn’t work hard to conjure a fake medical diploma out of chaos magic to be called ‘Sir.’ So, you work as a camp counselor? Make the small talk please; it’s tradition, I understand.”
Storm gulped. “Um, I mostly do search-and-rescue fulltime. You know, pull ponies out of dangerous situations.”
The grinning dentist turned around with a cone of cotton candy in his hand; the children clapped in delight at the surprise. “Really? Do you think there’s anyone else in that profession at the fair today?”
The restrained pegasus shook his head. The ‘doctor’ nodded; as he did so the cotton candy started spinning on the paper cone while making drill sounds. “Good. I’ve got a lot to do at the fair today and I’d hate to be disturbed.”
As the looming figure came closer the entranced children watched with bated breath, the wriggling pegasus stared at the spinning pink tool. “Is it safe?”
The only response given by the yellow-eyed ‘dentist’ was laughter.
As the Spirit of Chaos wove his plans together, a bouncy fuchsia mare was patrolling the launching grounds. She stood behind a protective rope line with a large group of parents and students. Breathlessly they watched as Bomber and her team worked a large pump, sending a slim rocket the length of a pony high onto the mountainside.
While the audience applauded, an older yellow stallion approached her politely. She inclined her head politely. “Excuse me miss, I’m looking for my son. I heard he might be getting into trouble around here?”
Cheerilee smiled professionally. “We try to only keep the responsible students by the launchers, sir. Currently I’m maintaining supervision while our science teacher is…out for supplies. What’s your son’s name?”
The stallion chuckled, offering a hoof to the mare. “Red Glare, miss.”
She froze. “R-r-really? It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir!” Recovering her manners, she pumped the offered limb up and down.
The older pony smiled. “Call me Jury Rig, or Rig for short. It’s my pleasure, Miss Cheerilee. My son’s told me a bunch of wonderful things about you. I wouldn’t know if he’d mention me; he can be a bit forgetful at times.”
The silence hung in the air as the two watched Red’s students help young foals build rockets and fit them onto the launchers. He smiled nostalgically. “Did Red ever tell you about his first rocket, Miss?”
“No,” Cheerilee chirped expectantly. Yay! I get an embarrassing childhood story!
“He turned our neighbor’s still into a pressure powered launcher. Broke down the local plumbing for extra steam power. “ He scratched behind his head in embarrassment; Cheerilee smiled as she recognized the gesture. “I think I paid that off a few years ago…”
The audience around them watched explosion after explosion, but the schoolmare only had ears for the story. “And then…”
“Then he stole the neighbor’s bench for the pilot’s seat.”
Cheerilee blinked. “He…planned to pilot it? Why would he strap himself to a rocket, apart from being…you know, Red? I mean, surely he didn’t think he could reach the Moon in that thing.”
Rig visibly deflated. “He was aiming for Cloudsdale.”
Cheerilee cocked her head. Sensing that the tale had come to the painful part she gave a sympathetic look. A loud exhale heralded that story’s continuance. “He hadn’t seen his mom in years. Her letters became sporadic, then nonexistent. Once she flew back to Cloudsdale she never left her hometown again.”
Oh. Boy. Quick, move the topic. ”It must have been some disappointment when that failed.”
He regained some pride in his expression. “Miss, for all that my son talks about you I would expect you to know him better. My boy’s a damn genius. The little colt didn’t land on that floating eyesore, but he skimmed the bottom. Ran his little hoof along the clouds. Red got his cutie mark right before the main thruster exploded.”
A conspiratorial gleam lit his eye. “I’ll never forget the look on those damn weather patrol ponies’ faces as Red’s craft scared the Holy Hay out of them. From where I saw it on the ground it was spittin’ out sparks like an explodin’ fireworks factory.”
Cheerilee was dumbstruck. He patted her shoulder with a hoof. “He’s a special lad. Deserves someone special to take care of ‘im. Look me up after the fair; I’d love to treat both of you to dinner.”
As Jury Rig turned away, the stunned schoolmare called after him. “Wait, sir!” He turned with a grin, eyebrows raised expectantly.
“Did he ever see his Mom again?”
Red’s father’s expression stiffed. “Only once, Miss. Only once.” She implored him to continue with her eyes; he shrugged.
“He didn’t see her for long. Like I said, he lost his main booster too quickly.”
Cheerilee stared at the retreating form until a booming sound drew her attention. Her nostrils suddenly felt like a cactus had snuck inside. Snorting from the prickly-smelling black cloud that now hugged the ground, she looked for the noisemaker with bleary eyes.
Near the launching strip she first spotted a townspony covering their mouth and blinking back tears. The suffering bystander was only one of a crowd who had been caught inside a giant dark fog that vomited itself from the student project areas. A quick thinking local pegasus began flapping the smoke away before more than half the crowd fell to their knees.
The much-welcome gust pushed the offensive atmosphere upward, revealing a charred mark in the concrete the width of a large foal. A peach-colored young mare gagged forcefully next to it. She smelled like a chemical closet tipped on its side, but the tearful mare was grinning.
“Take a look!” She angled her hoof at the side of the mountain visible over the school wall. “Look right there!” Bomber cast a pleading glance at her discomforted audience. Well over half of them had already left. Most of the remainder looked none too pleased.
Cheerilee nervously moved to impose herself between the glee-filled daughter of destruction and the aggravated mob. An angry snort to her side decided her choice of targets. Throwing herself at the attacker, she saw that she had tackled a rickety grandfather.
“Let me at the whippersnapper! I’ll tan her hide!”
The smoked-choked schoolmare sighed. Great. I’m a big hero. The assaulted retired pony suddenly screamed as another loud sound reverberated over the fair. The embarrassed mare extricated herself from her victim, turning to the noise.
Red stood with Bomber along the rocket garden, triumphantly gesturing to the mountain in the distance. All around him the residents of Old Canterlot stared in horror into the distance. Whatever noxious device Bomber had launched into the distance, it had pulverized a house-sized outcropping of rock hundreds of feet away. Clouds of small pebbles ran down the mountainside as if trying to escape the dangerous rocket.
“Woooo-HA!” The punker pony reared back, throwing her hooves into the air. Red gave his fellow teacher a nervous glance. Bomber was too busy reveling in victory to hear the comments the school staff could make out.
An incredulous earth pony stared at the row of explosive devices. Taking in the sheer number, of projects, she asked with a terrified voice, “That’s what they teach the children here? Do they want us to have a town left?” Many of the vanishing crowd echoed the opinion.
The destructive filly’s teacher shook his head as he took off his ruffled and stained lab coat, dropping it behind an equipment table. Mister Glare put a hoof on Bomber’s head, gently forcing her back to the ground. He locked eyes with the ebullient youngster. “Kid, we only use the smaller ones today, got it?” She ruefully nodded.
The exasperated teacher walked over to his co-worker. They looked at each other pensively. At once they both said, “I met your…” Stopping with realization, they both nervously giggled.
Cheerilee found her confidence first. Full of hope, she ventured to ask, “Did Dad come?”
Red shook his head wordlessly. The depressed mare tried to keep her voice at its usual enthusiasm. “I’m sure he had a large shipment to process.” Red analyzed the edges of her smile. He realized he was finally starting to notice when she slipped on the ‘Cheerilee Mask’ for others’ benefit.
Still grinning, the schoolmare gave an analytical look to the scruffy, smoke-stained stallion she had become so close to. “Your father and I shared explosion stories. Apparently the Weather Ponies still have a price on your head or something?”
The teasing drew an appreciated head-scratch from the embarrassed rocket rider. “Um. Dad. You. You told him about the first time…” He shook his head. “I mean, he told you.”
She nodded. “It sounded adorable.” She stepped forward determinedly. Coming at Red from an angle she draped her neck over the stallion’s body, resting her head contentedly on his other side.
“Oh.” He stood still for a second, feeling the warmth of her heartbeat on his skin. “Oh,” he repeated with realization, as he nervously leaned his head backwards until it touched hers.
Equestria stood still for several seconds. Bomber broke the silence with a relieved sigh. “It’s about bloody time, you addle-pated goofs.” He heard students up and down the rocket garden start to clap on the ground and comment, but the sounds were a vague mess to him. His sense of touch had long since grabbed his brain’s controls and told his other senses to sit down and shut up. Gradually, his sense of hearing was allowed to join in as he made out the steady pattern of the blissful schoolmare’s breathing as it gently moved the hairs on his coat.
His hearing gradually untied its bonds and flung itself at its captors. A shouting din started penetrating his consciousness. I really should deal with that. Several seconds passed while the noise continued, echoing in the sounds of worried comments around him.
“Do you hear that too?” Cheerilee asked, her tone showing that she knew and dreaded the answer.
With irritation, he effected the smallest nod. “Yeah.”
Seconds passed. “We should probably do something about that, Red.”
His shoulders slumped, robbing Cheerilee’s head of its support. “Yeah,” he angrily snorted. “Let’s see who’s interrupting our…educational activities."
The smiling mare stayed in place for several seconds. Bomber stepped into place beside her. “You okay, Miss?” The filly arched a sarcastic eyebrow.
Her teacher exhaled slowly. “Just getting my hooves back on the ground.” She walked off, following something she couldn’t describe.
The children gasped as their counselor raised his weary head. A large piece of candy corn had been placed over each tooth, the pointed shapes making him resemble a candy vampire. Cotton candy and frosting dribbled out of his scoutmasters outfit, and licorice snakes were wrapped around each limb. Large marshmallows had been slipped over his hooves like socks, and two animated gummy sharks chewed violently but uselessly on each ear.
The ‘dentist’ turned back to the crowd after searching his tool rack. He produced a vat of bubbling caramel. “Now, zis shall be the crowning moment, mein kinders!” At the sound of his voice every youngster took at least one reflexive step back; one younger filly started crying.
Storm wearily said, “Help me.” With a sarcastic and hopeless tone, he continued. “Oh won’t someone go get help.” The normally high-strung pegasus had expended all of his nervous energy right about the time the circus peanuts came out.
The ‘dentist’ hovered over his reluctant patient. Storm shook his head. Is he actually hovering?
The accent suddenly disappeared, replaced by a gleeful voice that dripped menace like Storm Vison dripped sugar. “Oh, it’s far too late for that, Mister…Mister…” His tormentor scratched a claw on his chin. “You know what, it doesn’t matter! I’ll just call you ‘Owned’ from now on.” The cackling form threw its head backwards. “Because you’ve been owned!”
A tiny foal stepped forward bravely. “Please don’t hurt him, Mister. His jokes are bad, but he’s not a bad pony. He found my Mom in the snow storm.”
The serpentine form leaned over the brave child. He produced a lollipop with a terrifying face on it. It snarled loudly underneath the wrapper. “What’s that,” he asked, cupping his hand to his ear. “Did you want a treat, little girl?”
Suddenly, the dangerous dentist cocked his head as the sound of a large argument made its way into the tent. “Ooooh! That’s happening right on time, then. Well, I must bid you all auf wiedersehen, gesundheit, and farewell.” He leaned over his captive. “Everything is going according to plan, Owned.”
The teeth-cleaning tormentor vanished in a flash of light. Shuddering with relief, the candy-coated pegasus turned to his charges.
“So…can anyone help me out of this…sticky situation?”
The children groaned.
Red and Cheerilee found themselves among a gossiping crowd at the Cultural Fair. The miniature Veneightian stage was kicked over. Sluice was sitting on it morosely. His friends from nearby stalls were gathered around him for comfort without visible success. Several paces away Globe was keeping the adult crowd at bay.
The two nervous teachers gave each other a look of confusion. Trotting carefully over to the crowd, Cheerilee overheard several comments from the animated crowd.
“A shame about that stage. I was enjoying the show.”
“I haven’t seen the forepony this angry since the accident.”
“I never thought anyone could stand up to him either, let alone a school employee.”
The schoolmare pushed her way to the front of the crowd, her curiosity overcoming her politeness. “Globe, what the Hay happened here?”
The perturbed stallion looked unsure of himself. “Lookout came by and saw his son on a stage in costume. He flipped the buck out.” He turned eyes to the shaking student on the wooden pile of refuse. “He bucked the stage hard, shouted a bunch of stuff I’d rather not repeat at poor Sluice, and was getting worse by the second.”
The sympathetic literature pony shuddered. “I’m glad I didn’t have to be the one to stand up to him.”
Globe cocked his head, staring at his two co-workers. “Me too.”
A beat passed in the conversation. Red aggravatedly injected, “Hold on a second. I know I miss things sometimes, but help me here. Cheerilee and I were together, you didn’t do it, and Goldy would have melted. So if a staff member helped…”
Globe swallowed. “It was Placeholder. Placeholder got nose-to-nose with the maniac and saw him off. The last anypony saw of them they were both heading for the mine.”
The startled mare’s brain froze while trying to pick apart the confusing statement. Red turned to her. “We better go help him.”
Cheerilee drew herself straight, nodding. “With the vote tomorrow, who know what trouble those two could cause us.” She turned to Globe. “Screwy’s working the math booths. Could you tell her where we went?” At his nod, the two teachers ran off.
Galloping down the rocky road out of town, the hurrying educators found themselves nearly out of breath. By the time they finished ascending the upward curving road they were exhausted. Cheerilee stood on a platform built into the rock. Behind her was a large stone sign, ancient and worn, that read “Luna’s Silver.” A cart track wound its way down the side of the mountain. She could barely make out her festival from her height.
A hoof on her side reminded her of Red’s presence. “Hey, Flower Girl. We have to get a move on. Placeholder sounds like he needs help.” He gestured with his head toward the sounds of a loud argument inside the mine. “Hold on. Did I really say that?”
The steadfast schoolteacher nodded as she headed into the mine. A nervous looking corpulent pony paced back and forth inside the equipment room of the mine. A chubby blond head regarded the newcomers. “Youse both should just turn around. There ain’t nothing good happening down there.”
Cheerilee gave a determined yet diplomatic smile. “We’re here to talk to Hardpick, Mister…?”
The pony sat back on a chair that creaked under his weight. “Dangerfield. Running Dangerfield. I’m the hazard expert and mine inspector here. I was telling Lookout for weeks that the old B-shaft needed closin’ down, but he’d never hear of it. He goes down there to think ever since the accident.”
Dangerfield’s eyes went wide. “He’s down there now, arguing up a storm. I dunno what he’s thinkin’, bringing another pony into that old deathtrap!”
Cheerilee nodded. She turned to Red, already wearing a construction helmet. “We’re going in after them,” she said as he put a light source on her head.
As they pushed past the terrified stallion, he shouted after them. “You can’t go down there! It’s been unstable for years!” He shook his head. “Warning signs! They hear it, and they pay it no mind. I’m going home. I tell ya, I get no respect.”
The teachers made their way through the old mine. Cheerilee tried following the path, but the posted maps were poorly written and out of date. More often than not, Red pulled her along.
As she coughed dust out of her throat, she gave the dust-choked scarlet stallion an inquisitive eye. “You seem to know this place really well, Red.” He let a silent few seconds pass. “After we moved here from Detrot my dad kept this machinery running for years. He’d take me down here all the time to show me how stuff works.”
Cheerilee felt the pregnant pause concealed something Red had difficulty talking about. She gently prodded him. “Go on.”
Swallowing hard, Red continued. “My Mom hated it. She said she couldn’t stand the idea of waiting to hear about us dying in a cave-in someday. That’s why she left.” Quickly, he changed the topic. “I hear the old river that cuts through the mountain. We’re almost there.”
The two crossed over a bridge as they detected the sounds of the argument. The angry voice of Hardpick boomed throughout the corridors.
“I want you to do your bucking job, Placeholder. That school’s supposed to be ending, not filling my boy’s head with nonsense.”
As Cheerilee turned the corner, she saw the ratty, dirt-encrusted form of Placeholder. His suit had seen better days. He was struggling to keep his tone level, stepping carefully near the bank of the underground river. The floor was filled with empty bottles, accumulated through years of Hardpick’s self-doubt sessions.
“Yes, good sir. I know endings. There is no one better qualified to finish something then I am. I tell you now this school is not quite finished! There is something here worth keeping alive, and I doubt you or I could stop it.”
Hardpick and the principal turned to the opening of the shaft as they made out the mining lights of the two teachers. A fuchsia mare stood drastically in the lights of their helmets.
“I know why you come down here, Mister Hardpick. You lost your daughter here, didn’t you?”
The miner snarled. “That's none of your business, outsider!”
She carefully stepped up to the angry forestallion. “If you’re not careful, you’ll lose your son, too.”
Red took a deep breath as he waited for Hardpick’s reaction. This is it. If anyone could reach him, she can. Come on girl; you just have to make this moment work. This is the last obstacle!
Suddenly, a gigantic rumble shook the four ponies. As the three stallions shook on their hooves, three tiny daisies with faces popped out of the ground. Cheerilee leaned down incredulously as the sickly grinning trio started speaking with a familiar voice.
Outside, a gleeful draconequus stood on the mountain. As he screamed into the rock, his magic carried his words far into the mine.
“All right Miss, what do you think you’re doing? You are a disgusting instrument of boredom!”
Cheerilee felt the rocks under her feet quiver as the tirade continued. Lightning flashed outside as clouds gathered above the ranting chaos spirit.
“Come on! Stand up sideways, wear a shirt on your head, plant some ice cream and live a little!”
As he dug his claws into the ground it vibrated. “Wipe that eternal smile off your face. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”
Rain of every color struck the ground around him and started running uphill.
“You are destroying your life with that garbage of hope and togetherness! What kind of a mare are you? You sit in that classroom all day and even out my chaos with your sick, repulsive grin.”
The foundations of the Canterlot Mountains started to shake as the light show continued. No way to evade that detection spell now!
“I carried chaos magic at the Battle of Flutter Valley and you carry that infernal message of blah! Who are you? Where did you come from? How round is purple?”
As Red braced himself against the falling rocks of the shaft’s ceiling Cheerilee alone clearly heard the voice of the Draconequus, squeaking out of the twisted version of her cutie mark.
Discord screamed onto the wind with the force of a storm. “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!”
He snickered. “Well, as for me…”
As he raised his paw, a gigantic boulder raised itself, floating above the ground. With a gesture he looped it into a wide curve, smashing it hard into the side of the Luna’s Silver Strike.
“I want a rock!” He gleefully clapped as the rock slide began.
Deep underground a cracking sound drew Red’s attention. He quickly grabbed Cheerilee with both hooves, pulling her out of the way of the giant boulder that crushed the magical flowers, sealing the entrance of the cave. He held her closely until the shaking stopped.
As the tremors ceased, Hardpick walked over to them. He stared at the pile of smashed stones that obscured the entrance of the B-Shaft. Placeholder gave a wan smile of resignation. The two teachers looked up at his grim face.
School Daze By Paleo Prints Chapter 10: For Whom the Bell Tolls
Lyra leaned over her counter with a crazed grin. “Come on, hot stuff," she said with a mischievous look. "Tell me what you really want.”
Giggles bubbled up from the rest of the line as the mortified customer blushed. With an affronted lowering of her head, Cloud Kicker stepped closer to the lunch counter. “One apple dog, extra salsa.”
Shaking her head, Lyra turned to the back of the food shack. “Screwy, one Exploded AJ!” Pleasant smells wafted out of the grill as it turned assorted vegetables into batter-fried hot dogs. Near the improvised grill a mane of curly purple hair bobbed up and down under a chef’s hat. Nodding back, the zealous cashiermare turned back to her customer. “Now that we’ve dealt with that, Kicky, let’s catch up on old times." The merry musician raised her eyebrows suggestively. “Are you ready to tell me what you really want at last?”
The upset patron sputtered meaningless phrases until a pinkish hoof held out a steaming tofu dog in front of her face. Quickly throwing out bits onto the counter, the prideful flyer walked off in a huff. Lyra shook her head, calling after the fellow Ponyville resident. “Come back if you need dessert, Kicky!”
As the contented unicorn turned to her chef, Screwball gave her a curious stare. The slumming noble merely smiled. “Don’t worry about it, Screwy. As you would say, she’s just an old friend.” Lyra gave a last look to the retreating gray flank before shaking the memories out of her head. “How’re we doing on the cash side, Screwbellina.”
Two spiraling eyes lit up as their owner flipped the cash drawer into the air. Two pink blurs spun through the cloud of coins, arranging them into piles. With a final clink, the chaotic chef grinned as she presented seventeen stacks of bits, sorted into denominations.
Silence filled the hot dog stand. Lyra stared incredulously at the organized piles. She squinted at the beaming money-juggler. “Girl, what exactly does that cutie mark stand for?”
The young filly shrugged, looking away. The older mare looked hard into the two spinning pupilless eyes, trying to identify the emotions in the suddenly pensive young pony. She’s constantly worried people will hate her for who she can’t help being, Lyra thought wryly. Gee, I wonder who that reminds me of?
The contemplative moment was broken by Quest walking into the stall. “There’s some line out there. Does a certain knight of Foamrider need any help?” The white-coated gamer walked over to his favorite player, concern welling in his eyes.
Lyra noticed the younger filly’s eyes spin a little faster at the sound of Quest’s voice. Still taking orders, the harpsichord-player-turned-hot-dog-vendor relaxed a bit. Maybe some time with her geeky coltfriend will put her at ease. Speaking of weird colts…
“Hey, Talltale.” The young earth pony nervously adjusted his glasses as he stared into a toothy smile. “Have you seen Cheerilee or Red anywhere?”
The unsettled student shook his head. “I heard there was an argument over by the cultural fair. She might have gone over there.”
Nodding, the minty matchmaker hatched a plan. “Well, why don’t you give me a hand here while Screwy takes a look for those two. They could probably use some lunch, and then you and Screwy can take over flinging hay bacon strips.”
The beanie-topped filly saluted, giving a last nervous smile to her fellow student as she walked out. Quest’s vision lingered on her until he found his head rotated forcefully into Lyra’s vision.
“Okay lover boy, we have customers to serve, dogs to sling and some serious stuff to talk about regarding your intentions toward Miss Screwball. Any questions?”
Quest swallowed hard as he stared into orange eyes that promised doom. “Um, I only have one, Miss. What’s a hand?”
The exasperated unicorn deflated.
While Lyra was dealing with the vocabulary of fandom, her best friend was surrounded by clouds of dust and dread. The illumination of the mining hats was able to overcome the kicked up debris, but the trapped ponies still felt an oppressive fear.
Cheerilee broke the silence first. “We can’t be trapped here. We saw Dangerfield outside. Surely he would be able to go for help?”
Hardpick was clearing a pile of discarded cider bottles to make himself a place to sit. He gave a humorless smirk to his son’s schoolmare. “I’m ‘fraid not, Ma’am. Most likely he’s trapped in here with us too. Any shake big enough to get us most likely would have hit the opening too.” He kicked a bottle into the flowing current. “Even if he could get out, there isn’t enough equipment in the town to clear a path here in time.”
Red dragged the contemplative miner onto his hooves. “Come on, Hardpick! My dad built the safety mechanisms in this tunnel. One of them has to have worked. The shiny one? Spiky one? That thing that goes ‘ting’?”
A small cloud exploded from the cave wall as something damaged the side of the cave-in. The four hopeful ponies stared with hope at the small puff. After a moment with no further activity, a loud metallic ‘ting’ could be heard. Placeholder nodded, and sat down on the shore of the river.
Sluice’s father smiled wanly. “Maybe if so much of the shaft hadn’t collapsed, Jury Rig would be the hero of the day. This just shows that your ma was right all along. You’re not leaving this mine alive.”
Hardpick and Red squinted as a mining helmet atop a white-and-pink mane interrupted their words. Angry tears ran down fuchsia cheeks into a smile born of rage and frustration.
”Gentlecolts,” the motivated mare said with finality. “We are going to get out of here. I have a plan.”
The complicated play of social events echoed throughout the festival. A beanie-crowned poofy-haired paradox walked with trepidation through the throng of ponydom. She instinctively avoided large crowds, searching the empty areas of the fair. As time passed, the unique teen found herself surrounded by ponies in the crowded Culture Festival.
Screwball nearly trampled a surprised mother as she leapt out of the way of a pony. The unsettled chaosspawn gave a nervous and terrifying smile that sent the family running for the hills. The lonely student merely nodded, adjusting her beanie. Lifting her shoulders resolutely, she prepared to follow her every instinct and check the back of the school dumpsters.
nO. nOt goOd.
A terrified student in the lemonade stand suddenly dropped a tray of drinks. He stared in shock at the sign of a geekily-dressed girl slamming her front hoof into her forehead. The strange filly’s eyes were crossed with concentration, red liquid running down her cheeks.
Me aM RigHT. TURNAROUND. ME aM NOT RigHT. Not THiNk gOOD. MEnotmenotme I have to think carefulLY.
The inner struggle raged for uncounted seconds as the trembling teen closed her eyes and thought harder than she ever had. Her mind trembled as it lassoed two mental rivers and tried to merge them. A lone pony in the growing crowd voiced his worries.
“Excuse me, my little pony. Are you all right?”
Screwball was shivering, crimson trickles falling out of her nose. Suddenly her eyelids cracked open, startling the concerned onlookers. The worried pony that had previously approached her drew in his breath at the sight of an intense scarlet stare, burst blood vessels visible in the previously spinning eyes. Two parallel mental rivers had impossibly been forced to cross each other in her mind. A shaky grin showed triumph.
“Honestly,” she said, coughing a multicolored glob onto the sidewalk, “I think I’ve never felt better. Pardon me please, I’m thinking.”
His startled gasp stretched out for several seconds as time slowed down to her perception. The thrill of observing things clearly was as wonderfully new as the piercing pain in the side of her head was excruciating. As time seemed to slow to a crawl, the struggling filly looked and listened to the chaos around her. The sounds and sights mixed together, her reeling mind hammered them into order.
“I was so glad when Sluice’s dad went off!”
“Honey, we should have Hardpick over tonight. Otherwise he’ll just end up drinking in a mineshaft again.”
“I’m…never eating cotton candy again... ever.”
“I saw that teacher with the nice rump go after that screaming guy. Man, that scruffy stallion’s lucky.”
“Nah, that dust cloud weren’t no rocket hit. The mines had a rumble. Guess it’s good we’re all here, thank Celestia.”
Misshapen puzzle blocks clicked into place inside her understanding. The terror that seized her quickly carried her to the rocket garden. The sitting form of Bomber lifted her head as Screwball galloped to her side.
“Heyo, funky filly. I’ve got a wee bit of work to do on this launcher. Could ye come back later?”
Screwball shook her head. “We’ve got trouble, Bomber. I need help.”
The military brat kept adjusting pipes, only looking at her friend out of the corner of her eye. “Well good on you, Screwy. ‘Me no understand,’ eh? I’ll catch you later.”
Bomber was violently turned sideways to look into two bloody eyes that spun backwards.
“I really mean it. You love your jacket, the sky is blue, and I need everypony’s help or Cheerilee and Red are going to die.”
“I SAID TO PULL! YOU CAN DO IT!”
Placeholder strained, his horn shedding a bright pink glow. Hardpick and Red struggled to keep the elder stallion supported as he struggled with the stone barrier.
“Miss…Cheerilee,” the principal said through gritted teeth. “I... don’t believe I can budge that stone.”
The relentless cheerleading filly only shook her head as she used her mouth to cap one of the no-longer empty alcohol bottles. A powerful head-butt launched it into the river, where it settled amongst a dozen identical siblings. Her mouth free, two determined green eyes flashed at Placeholder. “You have to,sir! That’s the stone holding the top of the wall back! Just kick logic to the curb and do the impossible!”
The sweating unicorn tensed. “That doesn’t make…much sense.” He smiled. “But I agree with the sentiment.” A blinding rose-colored flash filled the cave as an ear-splitting crack sounded. Suddenly a wave of rocks swept out from the blockage, knocking the stallions onto the ground.
When the dust cleared, Cheerilee looked at the target area with hope. She bounced into the air, grinning madly. “That’s how we roll at Luna’s Academy, sir!”
Hardpick assessed the fruit of their efforts. Nodding, he patted the filly’s shoulder. “Yup, that only made a few larger bricks slide down into position.” He bucked the side of the tunnel in frustration. “I told you it weren’t no use. Great motivational speeches, by the way. Did a lot of good, didn’t they?”
A kicked rock hit his flank hard. Snorting, he turned in its direction to see an angry science teacher quivering in his tattered lab coat.
“It is not her fault we’re trapped her, Mister Bully McUseless! If you had decided to pick a drinking place like a normal pony we’d all still be fine!”
The aggravated miner rounded on Red. Snorting, he decided to play dirty.
"Well, her plan might of worked if she was helping us rather than throwing out bottle messages." A sarcastic grin split his parched lips. "It comforts me great to know someone will come looking for us when they find that bottle in a few years."
Cheerilee’s smile started to crack with rage. Placeholder’s gentle voice interrupted her coming tirade. “Excuse me, everyone. I believe we should avoid working ourselves up.”
The schoolmare stared at him incredulously. “Placeholder, what possible use could calming down be at this time?” The two feuding stallions paused their conflict to see how the new scene would play out.
Placeholder snorted, slightly affronted at the familiarity of his employee. “I say that we should avoid working ourselves up for a perfectly logical reason, Miss.” He flashed an ever-present suffering smile. “We’re running out of oxygen."
“Lyra, Cheerilee’s in trouble.”
The mint musician scrutinized the filly that had pushed her way to the front of the hot dog line. She saw genuine concern and terror in the pleading pink pony. Turning back to the relieved colt working the grill, she offered a magnanimous still. "Well, speak of the draconequus. We were just talking about you, Screwy." Screwy ignored the look of relief on Quest's face as his conversation with Lyra ended.
The hot dog stand's designated adult leaned over the counter to get a better look at the quivering young mare. “This isn’t backwards, is it?” Her voice came out with worry, being more a statement than a question. Her magic picked up a wad of napkins and wiped the red stains off the scared filly’s face. “Man, I hope the other guy looks worse than you do.”
Focused on her fears, Screwball pressed the point. “She’s trapped in the cave-in that just happened up the mountain. She and Red followed Sluice’s father.” As she spoke, Lyra saw one of the spiraling lines of her eyes breach, a dark color spreading out from the rip. “She…she not need me. Not need us.”
With a single nod, the determined food vendor slammed the down the ‘Closed’ sign on her booth. She leapt up onto the counter, sitting fleshy-style to the dismay of onlookers. She waved her hooves dramatically as she settled into the familiar task of addressing her audience.
“Hey, everypony! We got a situation. Two teachers and more are trapped at the mine.”
A murmur of worry and concern passed through the crowd. Miners regarded the faraway peak skeptically as older mares chatted about previous disasters. A doubting voice raised itself from the crowd. “How in Equestria did you hear that? Dangerfield would’ve been down at the first sign of tremors.”
Working the crowd with experience, Lyra hopped down onto her hooves. “One of their kids figured it out.” She inclined her head in Screwball’s direction. “Now, what kind of rescue stuff do you fine folks have lying around?”
Bomber would never forget the following moments for the rest of her life. She always remembered the lesson on how fast the mood of a mob can change. Although she’d argue with Screwy occasionally about the order of events on that dark day, the amateur explosive expert always maintained that things went bad when the mare from Ponyville spoke.
“Where’d you hear that?” asked the meek voice that began the violence.
The out-of-town musician was busy asking for helmets amongst the miners. She gave no time to considering the diplomatic implications when she answered, “Screwball.”
The bustling and worried scene of imminent activity stopped at a high pitched giggle. The familiar timbre of the laughter sent a chill down Lyra’s spine. Oh, not here. Don’t let that be who I think it is.
Attention turned to the polished voice. A lavender-coated blonde was barely containing her laughter. Her wings shook from the effort. An embarrassed teen stood at her side, biting a basket with effort as she tried to make herself vanish.
Two mint hooves lowered a borrowed miner’s hat. “Cloud Kicker, don’t you ruin this,” was what Lyra tried to say. Years of dreading that voice prevented her from getting anything out aside from a simple “Don’t.”
The amused weather mare pointed a hoof at the shaking unicorn. She leaned over to her younger companion. “Dusty, didn’t you say that was the crazy filly in school who always spoke backwards?”
The younger pegasus dropped the basket from her mouth, turning apologetic eyes to the shaking Screwball. “Yes, Auntie.”
A sarcastic grin spread on Cloud Kicker’s face. She turned to her old schoolmate, relishing a chance to step back into an old role. “Lyra, you just got put on.” The crowd around her was starting to relax, sharing in her amusement. Screwball gave a look of confusion to her classmate, who turned her head rather than return it. Feeling on a roll, the weather mare performed for the crowd. “I guess two freaks can get close, huh?”
The physically and emotionally drained pink mare almost stepped forward when Bomber’s hoof restrained her. “Screwy, I know when a fight’s about to start, and there ain’t nothing ye can do to hold this one back.”
A naive hope sounded in a voice destined for disappointed. “But…adults. Adults and fight?”
She suddenly jumped to the side in fear as a snort sounded from the shaking bundle of rage with a horn next to her. In all of Equestria, there were only three things that could calm down a wrathful Lyra Heartstrings. One had strings. Another was on the way from Ponyville, having been held up late by business at her candy store. The third was trapped in a cave-in.
A burst of magic shot out of a green horn and pulled Cloud Kicker within limb’s reach of the furious mare.
“Kicky, there’s nothing wrong with you I can’t fix with my hooves.”
The surprised pegasus gasped as two hooves wrung out years of payment from her neck. Townsfolk jumped into the fray, pulling at the two combatants. Screwball lost track of the fight as a wall of pony surrounded the area. Several onlookers started calling for the town guards.
Screwball threw herself at the mass of villagers that separated her from Lyra, but couldn’t force her way into the circle before Bomber pulled her away. “Come on, love. Let’s hit it before the real trouble starts.” As the two disappeared behind the hot dog stand, they saw an older helmet pony with hoofcuffs on his flank pin down Lyra with the help of several onlookers.
“Quit struggling, lass! You’re pinched for messing up that pretty mare and it’s time to sit in the pokey a spell!” He roughly dragged the emotional mare backwards. “Stop lollygagging, now. You disrespect the law, you disrespect me.”
The jacket-clad fighter shook her head as she watched her only adult ally disappear. “That's a fiasco. No adult’s gonna listen to us now.”
Quest's friendly face raised Screwball’s spirits as he stepped out of the back of the now-closed hot dog stand. “Screwy, you sounded serious. If you need help, I’m in.”
She leaned her head onto his side as Bomber smirked. “You gamer boyos always want to be the knight ridin’ in, eh? If you only had a plan, we’d be golden.”
Screwball jumped off of Quest’s shoulder to stand on one hoof. Her friends backed off in surprise, sharing a nervous look. Squinting in concentration, the troubled teen spun around. After taking in the fair several times at high speed she leapt straight up in the pose of a Canterlot ballerina, falling onto the ground with a slump. A normally fearless streetfighter carefully leaned her head into her fallen friend’s face. Two spiraling eyes looked up into her with an enthusiastic grin.
“Me have plan. We not need to gather the group. Nothing is useful in the science lab.”
The galvanized mad mare sat upright, sending Bomber onto her haunch.
“Verily, my friends. The fair sage and her alchemist love shall not be swallowed into the depths of the Earth this day! So swears Foamrider!”
Minutes later an animated daughter of Discord hopped up and down in front of two confused jeweler salesponies. The mare in the buffalo-style headdress turned to her partner. “Crunch, do you think this is on the level?”
His horned flashed as he closed and locked their sales booth. “My dear, given Screwball’s record of breaking the odds I’d never factor out the unexpected. I say we believe her.”
The mare in question coughed something in in her throat, suddenly swallowing it with an uncomfortable sound. “Please help me. I don’t know what else to do.”
Luster’s heart nearly snapped as she gave her emotional friend an appraising eye. "Crunch, she looks like she’s close to breaking in several ways.”
He nodded as he tidied the stall. “You always had an eye for hidden facets.” A knock at the door drew his attention. “That’d be Bomber Jacket. Should I hide the lockbox?” Taking note of a look of stern disapproval, he let in the muscular mare, now weighed down with equipment sacks.
The gamer swallowed, looking into the eyes of the toughest pony in school as she entered the stall. Ancient instincts told him to flee. His brain revolted, trying to string together sentences in spite of the fear. “Um. Hi. Lovely meeting we’re weathering?”
Letting down a heavy clanking sack, Bomber's eyes poured out a level of concern that was unfamiliar to Crunch. “No time for small talk, lad. We got friends in trouble.” Shocked that the brawler girl had empathy, he gingerly stepped out of her way. Passing him, she leaned into range worried beanie-clad pony. “Screwy, ye don’t look good. Are you sure that you don’t want to lie down while we try…?”
A rough shove sent the jacket-clad filly smacking against the wall. Her wild-eyed friend sneered. “I would love to stay here while the closest thing I had to a parent slowly chokes to death. That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!”
The two merchant-minded onlookers stared at each other for a moment. Luster started to shake, looking back and forth. She backed against the shed wall as she whispered imploringly to Crunch, “Step between them.”
Two skeptical eyes stared back through thick glasses. “Me? Between two earth ponies? What equation gave you that product?”
The worried filly bit her lip. “Crunch, no one’s ever laid a hoof on Bomber and kept all their teeth.” The peach-colored brawler in question started to raise herself off the dirt floor. She was giggling slowly with a tone that Nightmare Moon would have complimented. Luster gave a nervous laugh. “This is going to be bad.”
Crunch regarded his shocked friends and the imminent violence brewing in front of him. His business partner seemed paralyzed with apprehension. The gaming club’s designated calculator rolled his eyes. “I’m not even going to think about the odds on this.” He gave a derisive snort as he carefully approached the upcoming melee. “Abacus cutie mark, don’t fail me now.”
The ruffled jacket-clad girl had lifted herself up on her hooves and glared balefully at the spinning eyes staring back at her. “Ye had no call for that, lass. Ye deserve this.” She grinned like a slighted manticore as she stepped towards the heaving Screwball, each hoofbeat sounding like a tremor.
A sweating orange unicorn suddenly blocked her way. She saw beads of sweat dripping down his face.
“Get out of my way, Crunch. Ye ain’t gonna stop me.”
He gave a nervous nod. “Of course. I have no chance. Odds are quite good that you’ll have to spend a few bits cheering up Luster after you beat her coltfriend into paste, though.”
Bomber’s eyes crossed as the statement gobsmacked her sense of logic. She shook her head and examined her attacker over the shoulder of the terrified but stoic amateur mathematician. Screwball stared back imploringly, no fighting spirit to be found. With a sigh, the angry young chemist nodded at Crunch. She slowly steeped towards her worried pink friend.
“Ye’d let me buck you right in the face if I still helped, eh?”
A spiraling mane bobbed up and down as real tears rode the red paths led by their scarlet imitators. Bomber was sure a tap could have sent her normally cheerful friend to the floor. She reached a decision.
“Fine. Me Da would have liked you. Let’s go.” Luster breathed out in relief as Bomber raised a hoof in Screwball’s direction, lowering her tone. “Ye only get one, girl. I ain’t never given anyone more than that, friend or no.”
In a rush of air, two pink legs wrapped around Bomber’s neck. A beanie fell to the floor as the sound of wracking sobs filled the air. The mortified rocket filly cast wild glances at her schoolmates. Tentatively, she tapped the shaking image of a baseball on the flank of the unpredictable hug machine grappling her. “Um…there, there.”
A relieved rules lawyer trotted back to his companion. His horned glowed as he cleaned his glasses of sweat and condensation. “Well, that was a longshot.”
A raised eyebrow greeted him. “When did you become my ‘coltfriend,’ pray tell?”
He confidently lowered the glasses onto his face. “I’m the stallion who just stood in front of Bomber Jacket for you. I figured I’d make the logical assumption and let the dice fall where they may.”
Her surprising reply was cut off as the door swung open again. Sluice trotted in, holding oar in mouth and still dressed for the cultural fair. Behind him the rest of the Luna’s Academy Adventurer’s Guild strained to carry the large old boat being used a prop by Globe Trotter.
Quest nearly dropped his side of the burden as he saw the red-caked mess that was Screwball. Flip groaned from strain as his partner slacked off. “Hey, boss! Pegasus here, all right? I can’t do without the earth pony!”
The room’s nervous tension released as Flip’s tone drew laughter. The cider-and-pretzels gamer let out a long-suffering sigh. “This is what I get for wanting the simple things in life.”
Sluice dropped his oar to the side as he walked up to the reluctant quivering leader. “Lay on, Screwball. I’m in. Let’s write a happy bucking ending to this.”
Four bedraggled ponies lay sat motionless, three of them staring at the impenetrable wall that cut off their exit. Hardpick gave the wall an appraising look. “You know, I bet we’ve got maybe five feet of rock at most blocking us off.”
Placeholder reclined as if napping. The miner’s comment roused him from his nap. “Might as well be fifty feet, good sir. I doubt it matters to us in the long run.”
Cheerilee raised a dusty head from its place on the floor. At her voice Red’s ears poked up. “Sir, you can’t just resign yourself to this.”
He shrugged, rolling onto his hooves. “Why not, Miss?” He darkly chuckled to himself. “Can I call you Cheerilee? We are sharing a very personal moment, after all. Why not? There’s no pain. We’re not alone. Eventually we’ll have a little trouble breathing and drop off as if going to sleep.” Walking over to the tried mare, he gave a cheerful look of sympathy. “I’ve spent all my life ending things. I’ve seen enough to know this isn’t a bad one, as far as things go.”
Hardpick raised himself on one hoof. “What I wouldn’t give to be out of here, free of your waggling tongue.” His eyes focused on something far away. “I’d be out there with my son.”
Red rolled onto his back. His gaze travelled the roof searchingly. The mare by his side raised a questioning brow.
The stranded science teacher chuckled. “When the lights go out, I won’t be able to make out those funny faces of yours.”
She let out the breath caught in her throat. “Mister Glare, what are you doing?”
His eyes looked past her, gears in his head visibly turning. “I’m trying to calculate the current position of the Sun. I wondered if maybe I could make Celestia hear me if I sent it the right way.”
The exhausted schoolmare rested her head on his chest. “What would you say to her?”
A moment of thought followed. “If she could just get me out of here, I’ll change all those things that would annoy her. I’d get my grading done on time with pulling all-nighters, for starters.”
“I don’t know, Red. You’re kind of cute when you pass out from exhaustion.”
She felt his laughter through his chest. “You should talk. I’d dress nicer on parent-teacher conference days.” A silent pause hovered in the air. “I’d make time for all the special ponies outside my class.”
He heard her breath stop for a moment. When she spoke her voice cracked with restrained emotion. “I’d write my parents more. My Dad means well, but we’ve never spent enough time together. I still think he wanted me to be a salespony rather than a teacher.”
A hoof ruffled her mane. “I’d buy anything you sold.”
Their private thoughts were interrupted by Hardpick. The stern voice Cheerilee was used to finally showed emotion cracking through. "I'd never set foot in this tunnel again. I’ve wasted too much time in here when I could have got to know Sluice better. The boy's still a mystery to me. All these bottles won’t bring his sister back, and yet he spends those nights alone waiting for me instead of at my side.”
The three ponies craned their necks to Placeholder. He rolled his eyes at their expectant looks. “I think I might invite someone over for dinner occasionally. I have several antique clocks about to expire. I suppose it’d be a shame not to share the experience with someone.”
The following seconds were silent except for the sound of water underground. Placeholder clicked his tongue in an offended manner. “Well, it seems important to me, at least.”
The philosophical principal suddenly turned his attention to the dimming mining helmet to his side. With noticeable effort he levitated it closer for an inspection as the illumination faded away. “Filly and gentlecolts, that’s it for the fireflies. I think things may get a bit darker soon.”
An exhausted Flip hovered through the opening of the mineshaft, blue wings straining as a heavy burden swung back and forth underneath him, held on by leather straps. As the drained pony slipped out of the restraints, the canoe fell to the ground. He collapsed with fatigue into the inviting structure.
After a few minutes the sound of his companions filtered into the edge of his consciousness. Flip raised his weary head to see his best friend sweating under an unbalanced pink burden. Quest gently dropped the unconscious filly to the ground. He gently withdrew her beanie from his saddlebags and placed it on her head with infinite tenderness. She slowly came back to consciousness as he proceeded to nuzzle her neck.
“’kay, Screwy. You alright?”
As Flip, now the canoe's sole occupant, rubbed his eyes with his hooves, he started to notice things about Quest. Sure, all of their coats were dirty from the hurried climb up the mountain path, but the group's game master seemed to be suffering from more than physical exhaustion. Quest's eyes were wide awake with a nervousness that fought off his weariness. Flip thought it might have something to do with the filly spread out on the ground. Screwy was being worn down by more than worry; he swore she was paler than usual.
“Hey buddy. Hey. Is she all right?”
Before his friend could answer, her spiraling eyes snapped open. “Of course. I feel fantastic. Never felt as good as how I do right now.” She rose on four shuddering legs. “Let’s get things not done.”
The retinue of exhausted students trailed into Flip's vision. Bomber was the only one still smiling, her military family having well-prepared her for forced-marches. She stared past Flip towards a door blocked by an assortment of rubble. “That’s the problem? We’re gonna be in and out of there in a jiff. Pass me the blue bottle in your saddlebag."
Sluice, still in the hideously damaged gondola driver outfit, searched the inside of a leather sack while thinking aloud. “All right. If that’s the only problem, we’ll be fine. That’s the main mine door; the whole complex is right behind it. As long as we have no other cave-ins to deal with, we’ll be good.”
Luster and Crunch pulled themselves into the mine and collapsed. They mutely watched as the leather-clad filly carefully mixed a multitude of colorful chemicals in stolen science lab flasks. As she suddenly grinned in triumph a bevy of nervous looks were exchanged. By the time Bomber set the chargers, five terrified pairs of pony eyes peered out from their protective perches inside the paddleboat.
The students spread out as a peach-colored catastrophe jumped into the boat. She turned to her friends with a terrifying grin. “Gents, if you ever want to hear again, cover yer ears.”
Flip pushed his hooves firmly into the side of his head. A bright light flashed through his closed eyelids. Feathers blew off his wings as a cloud of pebbles rained across the tunnel. His ringing ears gradually heard a pony coughing in the now blown door, Screwball launched herself over the edge of the rim, only to find herself eye-to-eye with a pudgy stallion.
“Hey, did anypony get the number of that cart?”
The children stared nonplussed at the unexpected pony they had rescued. Sluice regained his voice first. “Mister Dangerfield? What’re you doing here?”
The smirking inspector pat his hoof on Sluice's shoulder. “Bein’ grateful, kiddo. By the way, great costume. What’re you supposed to be, a disgruntled mime?”
Sluice shook off the limb. “My father and the rest are in there too, right?”
The dirt-covered adult frowned. “Buddy, there’ been a cave-in between yer father’s favorite drinking shaft and the connecting bridge. There’s nothing but water and newly-made walls between them and us. Ain’t no one gonna get the drill squad up here in time.”
The budding writer’s shoulders slumped. Tears formed in his quivering eyes.
“Like I said kid, it’s hopeless. Ain’t nothing gonna cross those rapids in time.”
Disheartened tears were blinked away from eyes that suddenly filled with determination. “Mister Dangerfield, I didn’t carry a boat up a mountain to give up now. Everypony, let’s go.”
As the children passed him by, a haggard voice sounded from the back of the canoe. “Hey Boat Boy, who flew the canoe up the cliffs? Actually, I’m still pushing it now! We have five earth ponies so can someone please help me, in the name of Celestia?”
The thankful mine pony shook his head at the rescuers who had seemingly abandoned him out of boredom. “I get no respect, I tell ya. No respect.”
Seconds later, the improvised rescue team stood on a stretch of land between two raging underground rivers. In front of them an underground bridge was hopelessly clogged with debris. Screwy looked at the two opposite flowing streams, and turned to Sluice in confusion.
“The river’s full of loop-de-loops and turns. The channel to the left of us goes into the mineshaft, and the one on the right goes out from the mineshaft.”
Crunch finally found the will to speak. “So... ” he started while panting, “we could have Flip just tow the boat up that way and have them ride it back?”
The young miner shook his head as the pegasus panicked. “It goes underwater too often. He’ll drown in the current.”
Flip breathed out slowly. “Okay. Um. Yay?”
The young captain picked up an oar and jumped into the front of the boat. “We’re just going to have to go in ourselves. Grab some rope in your mouth, Flip. You’ll have to land on a shore to stop us, Anchor Boy.”
Flip stared at the hopeful stares leveled at him and swallowed. “Okay, so I’m done. I’m done, right?”
Crunch rolled his eyes. “Flip, get in the boat.”
“No, that’s alright. I mean, you don’t need a pegasus on a raging river underground. That’d be ludicrous.”
Bomber threw her burden into the back of the vessel. “Featherhead, get in the boat. Now.”
“Bomber, you know I’m terrified of getting you angry. Still, are we sure they’re even still alive?”
While her friend freaked out, Screwball sat dejected on the river bank, thoughts running unchecked in her head. Suddenly she shot out a hoof into the current, retrieving a bottle. She sucked out the cork, chewing it thoughtfully before spitting it out. She turned the bottle upside-down and retrieved the note.
The argument from her friends slowly fell off as the sounds of sobbing came from the river. Quest’s marefriend was crying onto a sheet of parchment.
“Screwy,” Luster tentatively ventured as she walked forward. “Are you all right?”
As Screwball realized she had her friends’ attention, the rapidly dripping tears turned from clear to red. “They’re alive. She sen t a message in a bottle. They’re alive and we’re the only ones who can save them. And…there’s other stuff that doesn’t matter unless we fail. And we can’t fail.” Blood-rimmed eyes turned to the group. “I mean it.”
Flip coughed nervously, breaking the silence. “Still, I’m a pegasus! I got bones like twigs, so I’ll let you all…”
Crunch nudged his instinctive social superior. “Quest, reign him in. I think you’ve got the best chance of diplomatic success.”
The young storyteller nervously adjusted his glasses. “What, I’m the club president so I get a bonus or something? Running the game makes me leader?”
The frustrated mathematician sighed. “I thought I implied all that. Get to it before he runs.” Satisfied that his solution would work, he silenced himself by picking up a lantern in his teeth.
His friend narrowed his eyes at Crunch. “That’s just cowardice. You’re got a horn, remember?”
“Mmph-mmph,” was the only reply. Quest sighed in response.
A few feet away, Flip backed away from three disappointed looks of three different mares. He stopped as a white hoof slowly touched the terrified gamer’s shoulder. “Flip Turnpage, I have been your bud since I got kicked out of magic kindergarten. I have seen you slam into a wall and laugh it off every day since then.” Quest breathed in, hoping to channel the motivational voice of a Sea Pony war leader.
“I have never known you to let down a friend.”
His blue wings briefly drooped, and then rose to attention again. Flip turned his gaze several times from the rickety boat to his childhood friend. A decisive hoof was suddenly aimed at his game master’s chest.
“My character gets a level for this. And I get pizza.”
Quest smiled in relief. “Get in the boat, Flip.”
The previously timid flyer stepped over the side. As Sluice took his position in the front, the teens pushed themselves off. The boat banged sharply off of a clutch of rocks, then rode ahead into the current. Bomber gave a reproachful glance to Sluice. “Hey, pilot carefully my friend. Ye wouldn’t want some of me stuff in the sack to get any hard shocks.” The determined miner’s son nodded.
As her words sank in, the newly terrified pegasus turned to his friend. “Wait, what’s in the sack? Can we dock again? This deal’s getting worse all the time!”
As the current’s speed carried them forward, Crunch ducked his head to prevent a rocky outcropping taking his horn off. “Flip, I’m pretty sure the bargaining phase is over.”
In the darkness, there was silence. No one moved. No one found a reason to justify an expense of energy. Eventually, Lookout tried his best to break the monotony.
“Well, if I die first you can eat me, for what it’s worth.” Suddenly a smile failed to appear in the blackness. “Hey, anypony knows what you’d call…”
He was temporarily deafened as the three educators shouted as one, “THE GENEROUS MEAL!”
There was a moment of silence.
“Well, I was at least trying to bring up the mood.”
The unbearable silence stretched on for an indeterminate time. The sound of feminine crying eventually filled the cave. Placeholder dragged himself to the nearest place where masculine breathing could be made out.
He gingered whispered in the direction of the other stallion. “Mister Glare, perhaps you should try to comfort her.”
There was a pause as the listener contemplated the advice. Lookout Hardpick responded, “Are you talking to me?”
While the two older stallions shared a socially uncomfortable moment, Red had already pulled himself next to the shuddering schoolteacher. “Cheerilee, I think…”
“Red,” she interrupted, “please let me do this.”
He stopped at the firmness in her tone.
“I know,” she continued, “that you’d like to tell me somehow this is going to be alright.” She sniffed, her voice cracking. “I’ll be able to go back to being sunshine and flowers soon. I just need to get this out.”
His only answer was the presence of a hoof across her shoulders. Comforted as much as she’d allow, she heaved great wracking sobs into his unseen direction.
“My goddess, Red, what have I done?”
A battered boat sped into the twisting rapids of the underground tunnel. It skimmed into the side of a rocky outcropping, shaking back and forth as it barreled over a drop in elevation into the rushing water below.
Quest surveyed his crew. Sluice strained at the front of the boat. It was likely that he was the only reason they were all still alive. Bomber sat right behind him, grinning madly like she was riding an over-priced rollercoaster. Screwball rolled the note from Cheerilee back and forth in her hooves, occasionally reading the same paragraph over and over. In the back of the boat, Crunch kept a comforting limb around Luster. The insightful jeweler was terrified.
Crunch pulled her tighter. “Don’t worry. The odds are on our side.”
She straightened. “Really? Could you tell me how you worked that out?”
“No,” he said as he smiled.
She nodded with a sarcastic smirk. “I guess that settles it, then.”
Quest shook his head turning to his other gaming stallion buddy. “You know, I expected you to be the one screaming…”
“Be quiet,” Flip suddenly interrupted. His eyes were wide and unblinking. “Got to look for the right time. Got to pay attention. We all die if I am weak. If I fail. If I suck.”
The surprised gamer blinked in shock. He snapped to as he heard Sluice give a plaintive yell while he strained. “I have to focus on the currents here! Somepony in front tell me which way to turn!”
Crunch pulled himself to the front of the boat, only to have a spray of water carry his glasses into the river. Squinting, he could make out Bomber concentrating on retrieving a variety of tools that had spilled out of the bag and now rolled around the floor of the canoe. Suddenly a cracking, pained voice shouted directions through a hacking cough.
“Left! Now, go right! Veer to port! Starboard now! Starboard again!”
Quest felt his thoughts stop as he realized Screwball’s exertions were making the whole boat smell of copper. “Screwy, you have to relax. You’re going to kill yourself!”
“I’m going to find her first.” A wet cough punctuated her reply. “Slightly starboard! I have to be not broken to do that.”
He hooked his forelimb around her neck and dragged her close. Her chest was wet and warm. “You are not broken! You are the most amazing, caring, and funny filly I have ever met.” In the light of the rolling lantern he could see right into her spinning eyes, and thought that he could happily drown in those pools. “I refuse to live in an Equestria where you count as broken. That world needs fixing, not you.”
She stopped shaking, stunned into stillness. The red tears turned clear again. Slowly she leaned into his ear and gently whispered, “Not starboard.”
His eyes rolled together as his brain reversed. Suddenly, he screamed out with realization, “Sluice, turn to starboard!”
She leaned into his embrace, staring into the darkness. “Not port, now.”
“Port, Sluice! Turn to port!”
The canoe made breakneck turn after breakneck turn. Sluice screamed back in exhilaration,“Keep the directions up, everypony! We’re getting there, I can tell!”
Quest cocked an ear as Screwy spoke up. “Me hate you, Quest Talltale.” She nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck.
He felt tears well up inside. “You, too.”
At the front of the boat, Sluice grimaced. The tunnels were starting to get familiar. Unfortunately, that meant they were nearing the forty-hoof deep drop know as Widow’s Waterfall.
He hit his hoof into his head. “Okay, think hard Hardpick. How would I write my characters out of this situation?”
Suddenly, a crazed grin spread across his muzzle. He pulled up the oar, and changed grips until it was parallel to the canoe.
“Um, Sluice?” Quest spoke up with apprehension over the sound of the raging rapids ahead. “That’s…that’s a waterfall up ahead, right?”
The terrified blue wreck grabbed the sides of the boat with all hooves and began generating lift.
“And…are you going to stab the waterfall with your oar like a lance?”
The navigator didn’t speak as the boat reached the rocks. With the strength of an earth pony enhanced by years of mining, Sluice Hardpick slammed his oar down on the rock ahead. The shaft snapped as the boat was pole-vaulted over the jagged stones. The captain of the now-airborne boat whooped in triumph, waving his splintered half-of-an-oar over his head in victory. With the added thrust from the straining wings of the trembling blue shell of a stallion behind him, the boat sailed over a field of jagged rocks. Bomber joined in, screaming joyfully in nothing that resembled musical harmony.
As the flying boat started to tip forward, Sluice turned back. “Harder now, Flip! Harder than ever before!”
An angry snort sounded from the back. “Buck me, did you THINK I was holding back?”
The smiling boatsstallion laughed as his boat crashed, landing onto a rocky beach. Looking back, Sluice saw that they had overshot the shore by at least a dozen hooves. He threw his forelimbs to the ceiling in victory, screaming like a Horswegian Viking at the gates of Barnhalla. Bomber tried to say something congratulatory, but stopped in stunned silence as Sluice’s flank glowed, the image of an oar crossed over a quill appearing. The captain of the now destroyed boat turned to his friends. With his front hoof he ruffled the mane of the still shocked speechless Quest Talltale.
“Sluice…you actually did that.”
The gray stallion snorted. “Eeyup.” He flung a hoof behind him at a field of rubble at the end of a wrecked bridge. “They’re on the other side of that rockslide. I got us here intact.” He fell backwards into the wrecked boat, sprawled on his back. “Get my Dad out of there. Y’can do it,” he groaned as he passed out with a grin.
A bleary-eyed Flip at Quest’s side gave him a pleading look. “Permission to join him, captain?”
Answered with a nod, the exhausted pegasus welcomed unconsciousness.
Bomber stood over the sleeping Sluice, gazing at his newly-marked flank with a look that turned from astonished to competitive. She bit the bag of explosives with determination, lifting it into the air. It landed outside the boat with a thump. As she dragged it to the wreckage, Luster pulled herself out of the boat with a questioning look.
“Bomber, didn’t you say to treat that bag with care?”
The fighting filly shrugged, not even sparing a look back. “Ehh. Life’s too short.” She placed her tools down in front of the bolder pile, giving it wide smirk. Luster recognized it as the stare her friend gave bullies before she bucked them in the face.
“Let’s do this.”
Screwball nervously trotted to the side of her friend. “Um, if this does work? Me mean, me believe it won’t, but…”
Bomber rolled her eyes. “Look here, Little Miss Lovely and Looney. One way or another, this explosion is going to light up my flank.” She threw an offended glare at the rocks in front of her. “Better get to cover.”
Cheerilee had been kneeling silently in thought for endless minutes before Red’s worried voice commanded her attention. “Ulp. Not good. Bad thing now!”
She shifted toward him, feeling more of his warmth against her side. “Red, what is it?” In the darkness she heard at least one of the other stallions stir at the sound.
“’Lee, I want you to calm yourself for this.”
She chewed the side of her lip. “Okay.”
A dramatic pause played her nerves like a piano. “I think…I’m blind.”
The darkness was silent for a second.
“Ow! You didn’t have to hit me.” “That wasn’t funny, Red.”
“Then why are you snorting?”
Cheerilee let the unexpected levity rise out of her. Knots of tension came free in her body as she nearly choked. Sighing, she leaned her head over the neck of the smug-sounding stallion. She let a smile appear slowly on her face as she listened to Red’s breathing.
A throat cleared itself from the other side of the cave. “That foal’s been a joker since he was a young colt.”
Cheerilee blinked in understanding. “That’s right. Lookout has known you since you were a child, hasn’t he?”
Red raised his hoof over her and stroked her farther side. “I was raised here, you know.”
“You’re going to die here, you know. Convenient.”
That drew a few chuckles. “You know, I used to think you were both beautiful and terrifying.”
She scratched behind his ears in idle thought. “’Used to?’”
“Well. Um. Didn’t exactly make a good first impression, did I? Still, no one ever told me I could end up with a mare like you.”
Cheerilee’s eyes went wide in remembrance as she recalled a threatening prophecy that had filled her classroom with menace.
"There's a room where the light won't find you; holding hooves while the world comes tumbling down." Discord had pointed at her. "When you do he'll be right beside you." The trickster shook his head in false commiseration. "It's so sad that you almost made it."
"Red…I think someone tried to tell me. Honestly…,” she paused with an intake of breath, “Maybe I wouldn’t have minded. You know, I understand you now, Pause Placeholder.” She crooked her neck around Red tighter. “As endings go, this one isn’t bad.”
Placeholder cleared his throat. “By your leave, I’ll be going now. I think I’ve stayed a little too long.”
The schoolmare’s incredulous look was invisible in the gloom. “Where could you possibly go?”
“Well, I…thought possibly…that there may be some more comfortable rocks on the far side of the tunnel. You know, the loud part of the river. Care to check it out with me, Lookout?”
“What?” A few seconds passed. “Oh! Oh. Sure, let’s check it out. Um. Good luck, Red.” The two stallion retreated toward the sound of water flowing underground.
Finally alone with the mare of his dreams, Red sighed. “I don’t know what they expected us to do here , but I feel kinda dizzy. I think the air’s running out at last.”
Cheerilee nodded while keeping in contact with her companion’s neck. “I feel it too. Well, we can always pretend something happened.”
Red coughed. “Um… ”
Cheerilee put a hoof to his lips. She slightly slurred her speech as she hushed him. “Shhh. Don’t ruin it. You were magnificent. What did you want, Red? Out of life I mean.”
He thought for a second. “This. In a rocket ship.”
She could only manage a single chuckle. What would the girls back home say about this? Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that you should treasure the moments with those you care about…
“Red, just… hold me now. Stay with me.”
Too weak to speak, he nodded in the dark. Feeling his sluggish affirmative movement, she slowly smiled.
Cheerilee eventually felt Red falling to the side next to her. At the moment she was also busily sliding over him, her back legs kicking in the air like a rag doll as a cloud of rocks and dust were thrown into the air from the direction of the collapsed tunnel.
Landing in a heap, she shook her head as painful light reminded her eyes to do their job. Voices began to fight through the ringing sound in her ears.
“Heh. You two were right about the mixture amounts. Good work, everypony.”
Is that…Bomber?
“Well, Crunch got most of the calculations down on his own.”
“You were the one who factored out the volume necessary to spread the explosion. You truly are my better half, my dear.”
She squinted into the light as a multitude pushed themselves through a door-sized hole in the former wall. “Red? I think there’s a rescue.”
“Mmph Mmph,” he said into her coat from beneath her. She heard two ponies weakly trotting over to join them from the back of the tunnel.
From the exit, Quest shouted out in triumph. “We did it! They’re…um..are we interrupting... ” His voice trailed off as he saw the entangled mass of his teachers.
Red coughed in amusement. Cheerilee shook her head. “S’kay. Done now. Magnificent.” As she pulled herself up, a second powerful force sent her to the ground again. She stared into two joyful spiraling eyes, and felt a drop of blood mixed with tears fall onto her.
“I love you, Mom.”
Cheerilee let the quivering teen hug her as she reached her weak limbs up around Screwball’s neck. “Huh. You got my letter.”
Red brought himself to his hooves and scratched the back of his mane. “Mom?”
The schoolmare tried to work out an explanation before a breathless torrent of words rushed out of Screwy’s mouth. “To anyone who finds this message. I’m alive and trapped in a cave in the mine at Old Canterlot. If I don’t get out of this please see Ditzy Doo-Smith in Ponyville. She has a copy of paperwork for my adoption of Screwball. Please make sure she gets her inheritance of my estate and bits to help her along. Tell her…”
Screwball suddenly breathed in deeply. Before she could continue the crying schoolmare pulled her into a tight embrace. Red cantered toward the two and put a tentative hoof on the emotional teen’s shoulder. A pinkish forelimb shot out around his neck and dragged him off his hooves along the ground into the hug.
Pause cleared his throat to the side. “Well done, my little ponies. It certainly looks like the townsfolk underestimated you.”
A tired-looking Sluice pulled himself over the crop of rocks in the improvised entrance. He carried a broken oar over his shoulder. “We just needed the right inspiration, sir!” He heard a choked sob from somewhere in the group hug as his father walked into view.
Lookout Hardpick gave his son a critical eye. Sluice was wearing the tatters of the Veneightian boatpony’s outfit. His hat was pointed at a jaunty angle. “Son, you look like you went ten rounds with a quarry eel.”
Sluice winked. “Dad, you should see the boat.”
Lookout gave a brief laugh of relief before stopping. “What is that on your flank, boy?”
The beaming colt trotted to his father. “I got that after we flew over Widow’s Waterfall. It was amazing! I’m totally going to use that in a story someday.”
Lookout was speechless. He nervously patted his son’s shoulder. Sensing that he should do more, he turned to stare at the still-ongoing group hug. “Um. That’s all there is to that, right?”
Sluice swallowed. “Dad, if you don’t want to…”
He father tenderly embraced his son with inexperience, moving slowly like a worried minotaur gingerly hugging a porcelain doll. “Heck, if you tried something new today I might as well give it a shot.”
Minutes inside the wreckage passed in joyful silence. Eventually the crowd made their way to the remains of the boat. Flip raised his head, the commotion finally breaking him out of his exhausted unconscious state. “So,” he mused out loud. “What kind of job ensures I never have to do physical exertion again?
Cheerilee raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Uh. Physical education teacher?”
Flip nodded and climbed out of the wreckage. Red giggled and playfully smacked Cheerilee’s shoulder. “I had a coach that could snap you in half.”
“It was the first thing that came to mind, okay? I had kind of a long day.” As she took in the scene, she noticed the kids expectantly staring at her. “Quest? Screwy? You ran the show this long, don’t you have a plan for getting home?”
The two shared a glance and returned a shrug. “Honestly, miss? Screwy and I only planned this far.”
The concerned schoolmare gave a look over to the wrecked boat. The bottom had several slashes. As she contemplated it, Bomber walked over. “You know, I think a leather jacket might ‘ave enough material to seal it up.”
Cheerilee’s eyes went wide. Bomb swallowed, waiting for a response.
“True.” There was a pause while Bomber’s heart broke. “Or, we could use the remains of a burlap sack previously full of science material and explosive devices aided by the telekinesis of two unicorns.”
Bomber’s eyes went wide. She then started violently laughing before stopping suddenly. “Okay then. Let’s never mention that other plan. Ever.”
As she walked off, her teacher called after her. “Miss, is that a cutie mark I see?”
The teen turned around, casting a glance at the ignited bomb sitting on a pile of dynamite that now adorned her flank. “Isn’t it cool? Look at it!”
Cheerilee nodded her head happily.
Running Dangerfield fought against his fatigue as he dragged himself into the fairgrounds of Luna’s Academy. He had needed constant stops to rest as he made his way from the cave-in that nearly killed him. Hours later, his disheveled form commanded the attention of everypony around as he cantered on shaky legs.
“What woe befell you, sir?” an old stallion asked with concern. The crowd leaned in to hear the imminent tale of woe.
“I nearly got killed in a cave-in, and boy are my hooves tired.” He adjusted his tone. “There’s still a few unlucky folks stuck there. I could use a few dozen hot dogs if ya got a stand in this here carnival.”
A scuffed-up Lyra sat on the side of a tent, clasped in irons. She suddenly turned to a helmeted guard. “See! I told you there was a cave-in! Let me out of these things!”
The guard regarded her carefully. His emotions were concealed inside his metal helm. A bruised pegasus holding an icepack to her eye rushed to his side.
“Sir, that’s ridiculous! The law was clearly broken in this case. I was assaulted.”
He looked back and forth between the two mares and nodded to himself in decision. “I agree totally!”
Cloud Kicker smiled with glee. She beamed until the moment the guard clasped her in irons.
“Interfering with a rescue mission is a serious offense, miss. You have committed crimes against Old Canterlot and her people. What say you in your defense?”
The terrified mare spread her wings and tried to take off, but the heavy chains pulled her to the ground with a thump. She cried as the guard dragged her off of the school grounds. Lyra happily waved at the two.
“Don’t worry, Kicky! I’m sure you’ll get community service. In the meantime, enjoy being shoved in the holding cell.” She grinned, exposing all of her teeth. “If I remember right, it’s the size of a closet.”
The crowd ignored the small altercation as they stared at Dangerfield with concern. Every eye in the fairground turned to him with empathy. Dangerfield felt a swelling of relief at the anxiety the townsfolk had felt over him.
He was suddenly knocked out of the way as a stampede of ponies galloped through the gate. The gathered mining ponies were spellbound as dirt-encrusted adults laughed with exhausted-looking students.
An older pony suddenly approached Cheerilee. “What woe befell you, miss?” He asked with concern. The crowd leaned in to hear the imminent tale of woe and triumph.
“Hey, I’m still here!” Running Dangerfield picked himself up with offense. “I still got plenty of woe, too!” He shook his head. “I tell ya, I get no respect.” The crowd thronged around the survivors and rescuers alike. Cheerilee braced herself. She started to will the mask into place, and gave up on the effort as a genuine expression of relief spread across her face. I don’t have to pretend.
“We were trapped in a cave-in. These amazing students saved all of our lives. I don’t know where I’d be without them.”
Her contented sigh was interrupted by a loud voice. “Hold your horses for a second!”
The gasping crowd turned to Lookout Hardpick, red in the face with indignation.
It didn’t matter, did it? After everything I’ve been through, it didn’t matter.
Hardpick doffed his helmet as he slowly approached the teacher. “If this happened a year ago, I’d be dead now. The kids were able to do this because of this school, and this school did it because of you, miss. I think I owe you an apology.”
Somewhere across town, Prunecrop relaxed at his desk, stamping papers with red words of rejection. Suddenly he shivered.
“I feel a disturbance in the Bureaucracy. I fear something apolitical has happened.”
As Cheerilee stared at Lookout with mouth agape, Red pushed in front of her.
“Wait a second, Hardpick. Does that mean you’ll support us in the vote?”
The townsfolk leaned forward with expectant looks. Hardpick gave a gigantic smile.
“Not a chance!”
The assembled crowd gave a disappointed breath. Hardpick seemed confused at Cheerilee and Red’s crestfallen looks. He rolled his eyes with a sharp intake of air.
“Miss, I called the vote in the first place. As town council leader I can retract it at will. There’s not even going to be a vote.” His voice lowered respectfully. “It’s the least I can do for the mare who helped my son discover his special talent.”
As Cheerilee accepted the outpouring of a grateful crowd, a sticky and disheveled pegasus watched happily from behind his Young Flyer troupe. Storm Vision nodded with relief.
“Well, it looks like that monster failed at whatever he tried to do.”
Suddenly a mismatched figure blinked into existence next to him. The draconnequus threw an arm around the terrified scout leader.
“Don’t worry yourself for a second, Owned.” The spirit of chaos stroked his newly-grown full beard in contentment. “Everything is going according to plan.”
When he blinked out a second later the terrified pony had fainted. Discord reappeared on the empty streets of Old Canterlot, staring at the school. He smelled powerful magic in the air approaching him, and tried to act nonchalant. He had rehearsed this scene many times in his head.
“Well,” he called theatrically out to seemingly no one. “There’s nothing to stop me from trying again.”
“That’s what you think, Discord!” The angry speaker who had shouted was behind him; she couldn’t have seen that he had mouthed those very words along with her.
Turning around with rolled eyes he stared into the angry glares of half a dozen ponies and two alicorns. Five of the Elements of Harmony struck angry and dramatic poses in front of Princess Celestia, who scowled at her foe disapprovingly. The sixth barely held onto her hat as she tried to restrain the snorting rage-filled Princess Luna.
“You tried to harm one of my ponies, Discord.” The calmer alicorn frowned in disapproval. “It seems oddly direct for one such as you.”
Luna broke free of Applejack. She charged at the motionless draconequus, flipping him into the wall.
Enjoy it while you can, Luna. The patient spirit of chaos reminded himself to stay calm. One day I’ll teach you harshly that you only touched me because I let you.
The Mistress of the Moon reared above the fallen trickster, expecting an assault.
“We do not understand, foul beast.” She raised an eyebrow. “Why are you…crying?”
The insincere draconequus pointed to the celebrating throng visible past the school’s arch. The assembled heroes closed around him carefully, wondering at the convincing crocodile’s tears. Twilight Sparkle stared at the target of the crooked claw.
A strange filly with spiraling eyes was being thrown into the air by a celebrating crowd. Twilight gasped as she recognized the bizarre teen.
“That’s the weird pony I saw!” She turned to her teacher. “She’s the pony that was floating around when Discord was loose last time! No one recognized her, and I turned up no trace of her in the town records.”
Celestia cocked her head at her fallen foe. “Discord, what does this pony mean to you?”
He straightened up, carefully reciting the practiced words. He knew his whole career rested on this scene, and emoted with passion.
“I made her, you silly moops. I made her and that teacher took her heart away from me.”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the small crowd.
Celestia stepped forward. “You have done much ill this day, trickster. Still, I find it hopeful that even one such as you can begin to understand the magic of friendship.”
Luna looked aghast at the preceding. “Sister, thou surely cannot grant mercy to this beast! His feelings towards the pony are irrelevant to his crimes!”
Oh, trust little Woona to be the only one to suspect me. She understands what makes a monster better than anyone else.
Celestia nodded. “Girls, we will return him to stone. Perhaps study will teach me how to best restore him in a way where Discord can safely explore this new emotion he feels. Perhaps in time he can find a place in Equestria as his creation has.”
They were several things running through Discord's mind. One was the trajectory of assorted raindrops he was willing into the shaped of a rude face above the skies of the zebra kingdoms. Another was the precise ordering of the nightmarish marshmallow and candy marionettes he was constructing in secret, his magic weaving creations far away from Old Canterlot. A larger thought than most of the others was the fact that Screwball was now fully accepted into the Equestrian community. Better yet, she was staying in Canterlot, a mere stone's throw away from the Statuary Gardens.
As long as this last tangible magical construct existed with a connection to him, he would always have a door out of imprisonment; not a revolving one, more like a door only slightly stuck that he could always force ajar in time. He inwardly grinned at the thought that his continual series of returns was guaranteed as long as the goofy little idiot was around.
He exaggeratedly wiped an impressive tear from his eye. “Thank you, Celestia. I couldn’t help it. She's my only daughter after all.” Got to play this one sappy; they eat up that kind of horseapples.
Seconds later, as the rainbow twisted into the air to strike him, he chuckled to himself softly.
“Sometimes it’s so easy, I’m ashamed of myself.”
As a group of guards carried the newly-hardened statue to the gardens, the victorious ponies walked with relief toward the joyous sounds of the fair. A worried Pinkie Pie kept pace with Celestia.
“Um, Princess? Now that you know that weird pony is connected to a scary-wary ol’ monster, are you gonna let her stay with her new family? Do you have to grab her and lock her up in a tower surrounded by a moat with a dungeon in a moat shoved in a closet…”
Pinkie stopped as Celestia laughed. “No, child. My sister spoke highly of that young filly.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, does separating a youngster from her adopted mother for her father’s past sins really sound like something I’d do?”
Try as she might, Cheerilee was unable to speak. Turning around she was greeted in every direction by the overwhelming joyous stomping of the crowd. Her mother peered out of the crowd, a reluctantly accepting smile on her face.
“Wonderful work, Miss.” Placeholder walked up to the joyful educator as the crowd turned its attention to the heroic children. “You really have inspired us all.”
She nodded with a playful grin. “Wait until you see what I have planned for next year, sir.”
Pause shook his head. “Let’s not use the formal, Cheerilee. I don’t expect to be your boss for much longer.”
She gasped. “After all of this, you’re not staying with us?”
He levitated a hot dog into his mouth and carefully chose his words. “No, my dear. I can’t stand this indecision married to my lack of vision. I think I’ll find a position that’s less stressful than principal. Nothing ever lasts forever.”
He gestured at the joyous crowd of adolescents. Bomber was tearfully embracing her uncle as Sluice showed off his cutie mark to an appreciative crowd. Crunch and Luster had dutifully reopened their shop as Quest treated Screwball to a huge plate of hay bacon strips.
“Miss,” he said with an admonishing tone. “Do you really think that this wonderful school community will end anytime soon?”
Cheerilee stood dumbstruck as the chuckling administrator walked away. While she stood in a haze of her own thoughts, Red leaned over to whisper into the jubilant schoolmare’s ear.
“Welcome to your life. There’s no turning back.”
She turned to him with tears in her eyes. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She leapt up to give him a high hoof. As the two educators moved their hooves together, they stared at each other in amazement. They found themselves suspended in the air mid-brohoof.
Cheerilee noticed the golden glow that suffused the both of them. Looking to the side, she saw the light pouring out of the straining horn of Lyra. The schoolmare’s exhausted best friend winked.
“You’ve always wanted one of these, ‘Lee. Enjoy it.”
The crowd applauded as the two educated finished their celebratory gesture.
Lyra carefully lowered the two of them to the ground after a few seconds. She felt that she had never seen her friend so happy. The weary musician watched the crowd. With amusement she noted that even the mine’s safety inspector was dancing on top of a cart to the music. A gravelly female voice suddenly jerked her attention.
“Sorry I’m late, Lyra. What did I miss?”
Lyra looked with relief at the cream-colored candy merchant sitting beside her. “Bon-bon? I almost didn’t recognize your voice. You sound awful.”
Her quite-late marefriend shrugged. “I got one of my throat colds again. So what happened?”
The smiling green unicorn only responded by resting her head on Bob-Bon’s shoulder and falling asleep.
Months later, Cheerilee sighed contentedly as her students milled around the classroom. Everyone was looking at the clock except her. While their attention rested elsewhere, she picked up a drawing off of an empty desk. She blushed as her eyes crossed, then calmed down and smiled.
Well,” she admits to herself, “it’s a very nice wedding dress.”
She casted a glance out of the open classroom door. In Red’s class she saw him counting down the seconds with his students. She nodded, and slipped the paper into her saddlebag. She turned from the sketch to look at her students quizzically and shrugged. Excitedly, she started shouting numbers with her class as the second hand approaches the twelve.
(Something explodes on Red’s desk. He seems proud) RED: Ten months of classroom coolness and awesome lab work days (Goldy walks proudly around her class as they finish her final.) GOLDEN RATIO: We kept our students hard at work, time just enough to play (Cheerilee lets her head fall on the desk on a pile of papers) CHEERILEE: But the lesson plans are running out, inspiration going cold. (Sluice leans his head on his hooves in boredom as Trotter addresses the class) SLUICE: And ever though I love this stuff his tales start getting old.
(The bell rings; the students rush into the hallways!) CHEERILEE-The time has come to set them free, out of our doors they wind. (She looks sadly at the open door) But it’s also time to say goodbye, and leave this room behind. (Sluice passes her class to give her a hug, then waves good-bye.) Now we make our way outside, into the wide world go! (Red and Cheerilee nervously look at their long end-of-the-year checklists) How will we finish by our deadlines, I’d really like to know!
(Placeholder walks a group of students out the door) PLACEHOLDER: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up It’s an educational cheer. STUDENTS: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! PLACEHOLDER: ‘Cause today the summer’s here!
(Red strains to pull a full cart through a wrecked room with every cabinet open.) RED GLARE: Bringing home the lab supplies This place is a pig pen. (Cheerilee assembles a scrapbook.) CHEERILEE: And saving all the student work I will remember them. RED GLARE: We move the desks Clear our rooms out like so. (He bucks a table into a tottering pile) CHEERILEE: When the fall comes round So much potential will show! (She nods at the empty walls, imagining new student papers.)
(Red and Cheerilee, dancing together in the teacher’s lounge) RED & CHEERILEE: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up It’s an educational cheer. School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! (He spins her into an embrace to look into her eyes) School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! ‘Cause today the summer’s here!
GOLDEN RATIO: Precious students hibernate inside their last block class (She taps Sledge. He’s the only student left.) GLOBE TROTTER: We try so hard to make them learn, give something that could last. (He’s taking off a harlequin suit.) GOLDEN RATIO: We help them gather up their things, waving as they go! GLOBE TROTTER: Will they use the things we taught them, I would really like to know!
(Screwy sings in the hallways, students passing her by) SCREWBALL: New year start-up, new year start-up It’s me soft and ignorant song New year start-up, new year start-up ‘Cause tomorrow summer’s gone! New year start-up, new year start-up ‘Cause tomorrow summer’s gone! (She looks lonely, until Quest places a hoof on her shoulder) QUEST: ‘Cause tomorrow summer’s gone! (She smiles, eyes spinning.)
(Custodian Cleansweep sings in a deep operatic baritone) No easy task to sweep the class, Make it shine and gleam With proper care and tough brooms Every room is clean! Wrappers, gum wads, wadded up tests, permanent markers too. I must scrub so very hard, there’s just so much to do!
(Bomber, Luster, and Crunch walk in lockstep out of the school grounds) THEY SING: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up It’s an educational cheer. (Flips flies above the grounds, singing.) FLIP: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! (He flies through a crowd of paper airplanes.) School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! (Flip smashes into the sign.) ‘Cause today the summer’s here.
(Cheerilee walks through a dark hallway, faces of her students float around her) CHEERILEE: Now that we’ve helped them all we can, they’ll have to find their place And head into the big world, tough task ahead they face (The faces start disappearing, one by one) How will they do without our guidance? And can they find their own way? (She looks right at Screwball’s image) I want to help but I know My job’s done today. My job’s done today! (She’s finally alone in the hall.)
(Placeholder pushes her out the door!) PLACEHOLDER: School year wrap up, School year wrap up A well-earned vacational cheer! (The teachers leave in a smiling group) TEACHERS: School year wrap up, School year wrap up GOLDEN RATIO: ‘Cause today the summer’s here (Goldy relaxes on a cloud with a novel) TEACHERS: School year wrap up, School year wrap up GLOBE TROTTER: ‘Cause today the Summer’s here (Trotter relaxes in a Fancee cafe) CHEERILEE: ‘Cause today the Summer’s here! (Red in a Haywaiian shirt and Cherilee with a lei pull Screwball in a cart onto a cruise ship’s gangplank.) CHEERILEE: ‘Cause today the Summer’s here (As the boat sails off they're waving to the crying Orchid Petal.)
And now dear reader, as the credits roll on our beloved cast, please imagine your favorite images of the respective players as their epilogues appear on the screen.
Former principal Pause Placeholder lived out his declining years in the academy he had learned to love…as a substitute teacher.
Golden Ratio continued in teaching, practicing writing on the side to exorcise her insecurities. She would eventually retire to writing full-time after hitting best-selling status with her first steamy romance-murder story set in the halls of education, Her Body Was Sprawled across the Desk. At the moment she's writing her twelfth novel chronicling the investigations of Nosy Knickers, Mare Detective.
Globe Trotter’s summer vacation turned into an epic journey. After an accident in the Houve destroyed a priceless piece artwork during a romantic date, he and the mare in question found themselves running across the continent hounded by the art police. Making it back to Equestria, he used the experience to earn the replacement money, starting his ‘How to Survive in Stiruope on Five Bits a Day’ travel agency. He still teaches at the Academy, where he grumbles about his wife’s meatloaf with a smile.
Sluice Hardpick traveled the length and breadth of Equestria’s rivers, becoming famous for documenting the stories and cultures he found on his way. In his later years his autobiography, My Life on the Maresissippi, remains a celebrated cultural treasure, outselling such hits as Cerulean Starlight’s 'Essentials of Grammar' and Kamineigh’s 'Hot-Blooded Improvisational Inspirational Shouting for Beginners.'
Bomber Jacket’s work in explosives revitalized the economy of Old Canterlot, improving the safety and efficiency of the mines. Retiring at a young age, she set up a trust for orphaned Equestrian ranger children in her father’s name. Her husband Nailkicker has so far failed to make her stop swearing around the children.
Luster Shinybrick and Crunch Tallymark jointly opened a general store with a jewelry counter right after university graduation. Somehow correctly predicting the great Diamond Dog Gem Collapse, their investments paid off lavishly. Every year they travel from their house in New Canterlot to the Annual Luna’s Academy Town Festival.
Flip Turnpage settled into the job of the Luna’s Academy Physical Education coach. He found that it required a surprising amount of physical training, making him the highest scoring pegasus in the history of the Running of the Leaves. He still serves as the sponsor of the Adventurer’s Guild club. He still ends up paying for the pizza.
Sledge Rattlerock dropped out of school in his last year of education, and works the mines to this day. He is married with four children, and can only find time for himself when an opportunity comes to get his Sluice Hardpick novels autographed. He never stopped bragging to his kids about his close friendship with the celebrated author.
Lookout Hardpick had a terrible fight with his son the day before he left to wander Equestria. They didn’t speak for over a year. The conflict ended when a preview copy of his first autobiographical novel arrived. Hardpick read ‘A Steadfast Stallion among the Strata: My Father the Miner’ in a single sitting. Within a week Lookout had tracked down his son in a seaside shanty bar. Sluice never went more than six months without visiting home again.
Custodian Cleansweep eventually negotiated his job experience into a position as clean-up crew at the Stable for Disease Control under celebrated epidemiologist Vector Spread. He spends his days working with lethal communicable pathogens, and is ecstatic that he never needs to look underneath another student desk again.
Running Dangerfield turned his sardonic worldview into a successful stand-up comedy routine. He remains Equestria’s most beloved loser.
Princess Luna became the head of the office of the Equestrian Education Ministry after Prunecrop was reassigned to Haylaska. Visitors to her office remark on the ancient timepiece she winds daily, a gift from a dear friend.
Jury Rig settled down in Old Canterlot to be near his son’s new family. He forgot the pain of his wife’s separation with the help of a younger mechanic mare he met while repairing the boiler of a train station.
Diggydiggy Hole still digs holes. He’s happiest that way.
Pearlshield, Servant of Foamrider and keeper of the Obsidian Trident, achieved 17th level and was married to a powerful sea pony bard before being stored away in a folder for safekeeping when the next campaign started. She was later framed, placed on a mantle, and passed on to generations of children and grandchildren.
The budding family of Cheerilee and Red Glare went on to new struggles and challenges. Every year hundreds of new faces greeted them, each of them holding unknown backgrounds, needs, and hopes. They reached as many students as they could while supporting each other. The pair jointly celebrated the students they reached. Each offered consolation to the other for the students they felt they let down. Cheerilee and Red Glare’s life was never easy and never simple. In the end, they were happy with the path they chose, and they walked it together.
End of School Daze, Chapter 11: Every Little Thing She Does is Magic
Dear readers, in the great literary tradition of ‘Head of the Class Goes to Moscow,’ Cheerilee and class will return for the One-Shot Reunion Special ‘Land Down Under.’
(RED runs screaming down a hill from a twister) (A zombie pony hoof shatters the school bus window, reaching for a terrified CHEERILEE) (QUEST looks disgusted at a sandwich covered in black goop) (SCREWBALL carefully balances on a branch as a crocodile snaps at her in the pond below) (GLOBE TROTTER facehooves while GOLDEN RATIO stares in shock off-screen, a kangaroo stampede visible in the background.) GLOBE TROTTER: This is the worst field trip ever…
And for our second full story, Cheerilee’s family find themselves in another part of her beloved pop culture….
(Black screen with the words “From Glue Line Cinema”) NARRATOR: The citizens of Ponyville don’t know it yet…
(A long establishing shot of Cheerilee, Red, and Screwball pulling carts into Ponyville) RED: You said this would be a quiet town, right?
(Something looms out of the wall over a sleeping Screwball) CHEERILEE’S VOICEOVER: Trust me, you’ll meet wonderful ponies here.
NARRATOR: But something is coming to get them…
(A teen Diamond Tiara is chased by cigar-chomping penguins with ropes and bats) (Cheerilee holds a crying Screwball tightly) CHEERILEE: He’s gone, honey, because Mommy’s friends turned him to stone.
(An older Snails looks up in fear at a huge looming form. Carnival music plays.) (A police pony yells at Cheerilee at the station.) POLICE: If there were five ponies at their game last night, why were there only four at the end? Where is the missing kid?
NARRATOR: No one knows what it wants, or what it’ll do next.
(Sweetie Belle is asleep at a school desk. Suddenly a leather glove lifts in front of the camera, the fingers of the claw ending in a spork, a can opener, an egg whisk, and a crab craker.) (Screwball cries tears of blood.) SCREWBALL: Whatever you do, don’t get bored.
NARRATOR: She’s the only one who can stop it.
(Screwball looks at a terrifying figure loom up behind the screen at a gaming table) MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I’m the Game Master now, Screwball! Time to play! NARRATOR: If she fails, no children one will be left in Ponyville. LYRA: Man, where are all the fillies around here?
(A red carpet launches out of a house door like a tongue, wrapping up around Silver Spoon and carrying her inside) (Three tiny fillies play jump rope.) SINGING CHILDREN: One, two, Discord's coming for you.
NARRATOR: From Crest Screaming, the director of ‘The Hills Have Hooves’, and ‘The Last Barn on the Left’, a new masterpiece in referential fantasy comedy terror parody.
(The title screen appears)
A NIGHTMARE IN PONYVILLE
NARRATOR: Chocolate rain, you guys. Chocolate rain. Rated ‘R’ for ‘Really not grimdark, we promise.’
Bonus Chapter: Clean Ending Song (ENDING SPOILERS)
RED: Ten months of classroom coolness and awesome lab work days GOLDEN RATIO: We kept our students hard at work, time just enough to play CHEERILEE: But the lesson plans are running out, inspiration going cold. SLUICE: And ever though I love this stuff his tales start getting old.
CHEERILEE-The time has come to set them free, out of our doors they wind. But it’s also time to say goodbye, and leave this room behind. Now we make our way outside, into the wide world go! How will we finish by our deadlines, I’d really like to know!
PLACEHOLDER: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up It’s an educational cheer. STUDENTS: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! PLACEHOLDER: ‘Cause today the summer’s here!
RED GLARE: Bringing home the lab supplies This place is a pig pen. CHEERILEE: And saving all the student work I will remember them. RED GLARE: We move the desks Clear our rooms out like so. CHEERILEE: When the fall comes round So much potential will show!
RED & CHEERILEE: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up It’s an educational cheer. School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! ‘Cause today the summer’s here!
GOLDEN RATIO: Precious students hibernate inside their last block class GLOBE TROTTER: We try so hard to make them learn, give something that could last. GOLDEN RATIO: We help them gather up their things, Waving as they go! GLOBE TROTTER: Will they use the things we taught them, I would really like to know!
SCREWBALL: New year start-up, new year start-up It’s me soft and ignorant song New year start-up, new year start-up ‘Cause tomorrow summer’s gone! New year start-up, new year start-up ‘Cause tomorrow summer’s gone! QUEST: ‘Cause tomorrow summer’s gone!
No easy task to sweep the class, Make it shine and gleam With proper care and tough brooms Every room is clean! Wrappers, gum wads, wadded up tests, permanent markers too. I must scrub so very hard, there’s just so much to do!
BOMBER, LUSTER, AND CRUNCH: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up It’s an educational cheer. FLIP: School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! School year wrap-up, School year wrap-up ‘Cause today the summer’s here! ‘Cause today the summer’s here.
CHEERILEE: Now that we’ve helped them all we can, they’ll have to find their place And head into the big world, tough task ahead they face. How will they do without our guidance? And can they find their own way? I want to help but I know My job’s done today. My job’s done today!
PLACEHOLDER: School year wrap up, School year wrap up A well-earned vacational cheer! TEACHERS: School year wrap up, School year wrap up GOLDEN RATIO: ‘Cause today the summer’s here TEACHERS: School year wrap up, School year wrap up GLOBE TROTTER: ‘Cause today the Summer’s here CHEERILEE: ‘Cause today the Summer’s here! CHEERILEE: ‘Cause today the Summer’s here
