Twilight and Celestia unwillingly change places for a number of days.
Some accidents are small, and some endow you with the power of a godly ruler. On the opposite end of things, you lose your wings along with your ability to move celestial bodies, and you can't tell anypony. Why, because what would they think if the princess became a librarian? It's going to be "fine". Celestia just needs to switch back with Twilight before either of their true identities are revealed. All Twilight has to do is hold down the castle, fight off scheming villains, run the country, and worst of all... deal with all the noble ponies.
Rated teen for shenanigans and some more serious parts. Takes place at the end of lesson zero. Please tear this apart with comments. I like criticism. Comment if you have issues, don't leave me with a mystery thumbs down.
A great white mare stood on the balcony railing of Ponyville’s Golden Oaks library. Her balance was far better than most pegasi, but that wasn’t unexpected from a being of such longevity and grace.
Without a second thought or bit of difficulty, she grasped the sun with magic that dwarfed that of dozens of unicorns combined. The searing orb yielded to the force and came to rest below the horizon. Finishing her work she turned to the sound of her student’s rushing hoofsteps.
“How did you know I was in trouble?” the young unicorn asked.
“Your friend Spike made me aware you were letting your fears get the best of you. I commend him for taking your feelings seriously,” Celestia answered in her sagely voice.
The whole town fighting over a doll. It’s better than classic.
“Now if you will all excuse me, I must return to Canterlot. I’m expecting some mail.”
This has certainly been a day to remember. I must go write this one in my journal, Celestia thought as she took off from Twilight's balcony with a single flap of her satin wings.
“Wait! Do you want that to be a letter from each of us or one big letter,” Twilight hastily blurted out, as she teleported to the flying princess. Her hooves were outstretched in front of her. For a moment, Twilight was touching Celestia’s flank in mid air. The alicorn was nearing the end of casting her teleportation spell when she looked back at a blushing Twilight.
The Princess felt the familiar flash of teleportation, but she was, falling?
Celestia landed on the hard dirt in front of the library. Ow, oh my head. Falls don't usually hurt this much.
“Uh Twi, you do know unicorns don’t fly?”
“Oh my gosh Twilight. Are you okay? Do you need a book on first aid?”
Celestia’s eyes were still closed. Those certainly aren’t royal guards... wait, ‘Twi?’
As she finally looked up, she thought, what are Applejack and Spike doing in Canterlot? Wait, the library? What in the name of... me, is going on here?
“AH!” Celestia exclaimed, as Pinkie Pie nearly landed on top of her. The party pony proceeded to shake her head, releasing a silly sound as her tongue waggled around.
“Oh Twilight, I can see why you jumped off your balcony. It’s soo much fun! Pinkie shouted giddily.
“I didn't jump off the balcony, and where is Twilight? I don’t see her,” Celestia asked in a shaky voice, her concern growing every second.
Applejack scratched her chin. “Hey Fluttershy! I think Twi hit her head harder than we thought. Didn’t you say one a yer pets got that amnesia or what’s it the other day?" The yellow pegasus jumped backward at Applejack's initial yell. Fluttershy slowly crept out the door to the dazed Celestia.
They were calling me Twilight. This must be some sort of joke?
Celestia looked to her gusts. “Don’t you mean Princ— AH! My coat, my hooves. They're... they're...”
“A dreadful mess,” Rarity interrupted. “I must get you to the spa first light tomorrow.”
An ecstatic look formed on Pinkie’s face.”Prince Ah? I haven’t heard of him. I'll need to throw him a party!?”
Celestia looked herself over, then spotted her star stricken hindquarters. Only it wasn't the orange blazing star she was akin to. On her flank was a reddish pink six pointed burst, surrounded by five white points and smaller stars. Celestia stared at her student's former flank for longer than what may be considered normal. If staring at one's butt in public could be construed as such.
“Oh my.” That confirms it.
“Oh my what? Do you have something to share, so we don’t have to go through all that chaos again?” A cyan hoof pointed out towards the fields where ponies were wrestling not hours before. “Just get out with it already.” Rainbow dash said, almost pressing into her purple muzzle.
“Um... Dash... maybe you...” Futtershy tried to quietly interject.
“Give her some space to breathe,” Applejack interrupted Fluttershy, and started pushing Rainbow Dash out of the way. The meek mare was clearly miffed.
I can’t let them know it’s me. This is just too bizarre. Where has Twilight gone? Celestia thought as she mindlessly continued to gaze off into space.
Rainbow dash refused to break eye contact, even after being moved back towards the Library by Applejack's forceful shoving.
“Oh my... we need to write that letter to Celestia.” Please, please buy it. She prayed. Hoping the other Elements would just gloss over her awkwardness.
She was pleased to see the group of mares sigh in relief, despite her overly big grin.
“Well I guess that means she’s got her head on straight," remarked AJ.
Straight? Really! Your friend teleports off of a two story building, starts mumbling nonsense, then stares at herself before wanting to write a letter, and that's... NORMAL!?
Rainbow Dash almost seemed disappointed that all the excitement was over. “Yep she’s fine, only our egghead Twilight would sustain a head injury and want to get to work so fast."
Wow, does Twilight have to put up with that lip on a daily basis?
***
I just have to stay unnoticed until I get back to the castle. Wait, I won’t be able to raise the sun, and if I can’t get back tonight, then everypony will...
Celestia’s thoughts were interrupted by the shrill voice of a Pinkie Pie.
“Into an enormously huge, entire town in total chaos, Princess has to save the day problem!” Pinkie finished her part of the letter from her spot on the library floor.
Oh, how right you are Pinkie Pie. Total chaos indeed. Twilight told me about your powers, but they didn't warn you about this fiasco. Celestia looked towards the podium where Twilight's friends where writing the letter. Ah, I guess I get to say something to... myself?
“PS: Obviously, Spike did not have to learn a lesson...”
Darn it Spike! I wanted to tell myself that I make a great tyrannical role model and witness the looks on the faces of Twilight’s friends.
“Hey everypony! We should have a party! It could be a Twilight didn't get taken away and sent to magic kindergarten and probably didn't suffer a concussion party! It could even be a slumber party!” Pinkie exclaimed, as if the reveal of a slumber party was news worthy of the Equestrian Daily Prophet.
Magic kindergarten. The vision made her stifle a laugh. That little filly was soo cute, and destructive!
Celestia put on a false face of melancholy and tilted her ears back. “Sorry Pinkie Pie, I have lots of studying to attend to. I really must hit the books.”
“Is that just an excuse? Like when you skipped out on Gummy’s party?” Pinkie now clasped a bright desk lamp, from seemingly nowhere and flashed it in her face. Rainbow Dash gave the crazy symbol, with a twirl of her hoof towards the side of her head. Everypony else looked confused or chose to glare at Rainbow for the rude gesture.
There must be some topic of study, to convince them that I need my privacy…
Celestia beckoned for Rarity to get closer with her purple hoof.
“Oh, that’s what you are up to as of late.” Rarity’s eyes grew big, at the content of the whisper.
Applejack looked confused, until Rarity whispered to her and Fluttershy. Their eyes immediately widened as well.
“Alright, time to move on out Pinkie.” Applejack grabbed the resistant party pony by the tail and started for the stairs. Pinkie’s “Oky— doky— loaky?” was broken up by her head dropping down each drop of the steps as she was dragged down the oaken steps. At the bottom of the stairs, she could hear Pinkie mumble something about 'reading' versus 'hitting' books.
“I don’t get it. What did she say?” Rainbow Dash, begged for answers all the way to the door. "All I heard was something about compatibility lions and birds and the griffin gnomes?"
"Genome," Rarity corrected her, before pulling Dash along in her magic.
Applejack opened the door and paused in the exit. “We’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“We're the same age, AJ,” said Rainbow Dash.
The farm mare sighed and pointed to Spike.
"Oh. I knew that!" Rainbow grumbled incomprehensibly as she unwillingly floated outside.
The door finally closed. As the sound of Twilight's friends grew faint, panic grew inside of the princess as she bit her lower lip.
“Are you okay Twilight? Do I need to send another letter to the princess, because you look really nervous?” Spike set a claw on her mane. Spike flinched at the same time as his librarian caretaker, but kept his claw in place to comfort her.
“No, I’m just thinking about what everypony in town will think of me tomorrow.”
“Well you did entrance everypony with a magical doll.” The baby dragon bit his lip for the comment. He expected one of Twilight’s usual scowls, but it didn't come.
“Spike, just give me some space to collect my thoughts.” Spike nodded and went downstairs to check for gems that Twilight may have hid from him. For some reason, all of his precious gems kept disappearing.
Celestia watched the young dragon with not an inconsiderable amount of guilt.
What if I can’t raise the sun in time, what if Equestria loses faith in me? What if they think my dearest sister is back on the rise? what if I’m stuck like this? She looked down at her purple coat.
I’m so scrawny, and... normal.
Celestia’s pupils shrank at her next hypothetical thought. What if Luna finds out about this? I would never hear the end of it. Celestia checked to make sure Spike wasn't around, before declaring “This is the worst, possible, thing!”
***
“Uh, Twilight, what are you doing?” Spike observed the purple unicorn rummaging through drawers, cupboards, and generally tearing through every nook and cranny. The dragon just watched, while sucking on a large orange crystal.
There was an awkward pause, as she almost forgot to respond to her student’s name. “I’m looking for the money I... Celestia sent me last week.”
“Uh, Twilight, you spent all those bits on books. Remember?"
“Oh, yeah. I just had to get those books!,” she said, swinging a hoof across her opposite shoulder, in an 'aw shucks' sort of motion. Those bits were for food too. She is kind of an 'egghead.’ Well, a late night train ticket is now out of the question.
“You seem pretty stressed out Twilight. Are you sure you don't want to write about it? I haven’t sent the revised letter to the Princess yet.” Spike pulled out a quill and held it up to Celestia.
He turned his clawed toes inward and fidgeted to and fro. "You know you can always tell me anything right?"
The Sun Princess was paying no attention. What to do, what to do? Her pacing certainly wasn't calming the purple dragon. Suddenly a string of thoughts came to mind.
“Uh, Twilight, that smile is kind of scaring me.” Spike backed away in case another magical mishap happened to send him across the library. To his mild surprise, Twilight seemed to have calmed down.
“Go ahead and send that letter. I would like to write a personal letter to Celestia, in addition to that letter,” Celestia said in renewed confidence.
Referring to herself was getting to be fun. It was a novel experience if nothing else. In fact, all of this was beginning to excite Her Majesty.
If I can get the whole raising the sun gig under control, maybe I can have some fun in the meantime. The two letters were promptly delivered by Spike, who was instructed not to look at her private message.
Celestia went to sleep with two thoughts on her mind. I may have less magic power, but I do have all my spell knowledge, and at least Twilight’s bed is comfortable.
A sphere of golden light, emanated forty feet outward from her horn. The dense forest around her became bathed in a brilliant glow.
My light spell is a lot more powerful than I remember.
How did I survive that fall? It must have been close to 400 barrels, Twilight thought, observing the large hole in the forest canopy. It was perfectly clear where she had thrashed and flailed her way through branches and tree cover. There was also a pony shaped depression in the soft soil at her golden clad hooves.
Wait, why am I wearing Celestia’s shoes?
Her eyes slowly tracked up her wrongfully perfect white legs until...
“In the name of Celestia, why... why am I Celestia!?”
To a normal pony, this would have set off a dozen alarm bells, but Twilight Sparkle is anything but normal. A thousand and one alarm bells was more like it, as she mindlessly paced the woods.
“Did I just take the body of the ruler of Equestria?”
"Any second now, will The Princess scream furiously at me for my grave mistake? Will she have to live in her mind, my mind, for all eternity!?" Twilight's pacing quickened and turned into a perfect figure eight. The critters of the night, scattered even further away from the giant, white, panicking creature, rambling to itself.
"Hmm, whose mind is it if I'm in her body? Is it mine now, because I'm in control, or is a pony's mind a space designated to that specific pony upon birth? The fact that my mind was able to separate from my body to achieve this state in the first place, suggests that the answer to the latter question is no! What is undeniable is that this is Princess Celestia's body."
Twilight Sparkle slapped her hoof across her face. "Come on Twilight. The unprecedented proof that mind and body are separate entities, and the implications this has on Equestria's definitions of body and soul, are not important right now!"
She stopped dead in her pacing track. Neither is the fact that you just assaulted her Royal Highness. No, the important question is whether The Princess is still in here somewhere, waiting to unleash her unbridled rage on me?
“Princess Celestia? Are you in there?”
Twilight listened closely for a good five minutes.
No answer.
It's really hard to say how long is an appropriate time to wait for a would be prisoner of their own mind. She let out a sigh, but the stress was still getting to her. It was building up like an active volcano ready to reign panic and irrational actions upon all of Equestria.
“It’s okay Twilight. You either murdered her, she can't communicate from the recesses of the mind—scape, or she's inside your body right now plotting your punishment. You’re probably the biggest criminal in all Equestria, but it's fine.” The crazed look from earlier that day crept back onto her face.
“No, it was an accident. All I have to do is contact... me or Celestia me, and switch back. If she could forgive me for hypnotizing an entire town, then The Princess could forgive me for taking her body, right?”
The owl she was lamenting to just turned its head around and back. The bird continued to stare blankly.
“Oh what do you know? Ah!” A crinkling sound beneath her hoof caused her to jump. She had apparently stepped on a scroll that had materialized sometime during her freak out.
Princess Celestia,
Today I learned...
Twilight skipped ahead in hopes for something useful. She mumbled the words of the letter aloud
...“Into an enormously huge, entire town in total chaos, Princess has to save the day problem!”
She snorted. “More craziness, that is just what I needed right now, Pinkie.” Twilight was reading a PS about Spike and modesty when a second letter sailed in on her assistant's familiar emerald flame.
This isn’t Spike’s claw writing. It looks like... “Celestia’s!” Twilight began to read with eagerness and fear.
Twilight Sparkle,
Sometimes we can get caught up in the fear of current events and lose a chance to learn something. It is important to step back and take deep breaths.
“Today I learned, not to touch Celestia’s flank, while she's accessing the interstitial void!” The alicorn started to breathe easier, as it didn’t look like Celestia would be sending her to the moon. I guess she can’t right now anyway, she thought letting out a short, hysterical giggle. The letter reading resumed.
Calmly understand the scope of things. Panic will only lead to more problems for both of us. I believe that you can raise the sun in my absence, and everything will be fine.
The next part of the letter contained diagrams, graphs and equations about the sun. It appeared to be instructions for positioning the large ball of plasma.
“Wait, she... I... want... raise... sun?” Complete thoughts had become impossible to form. Twilight only became aware of the spike of magic she had subconsciously been forming a few moments too late. The simple light spell she had been casting suddenly surged with a considerable fraction of Celestia’s power.
A castle guard posted on a balcony overlooking the forest spotted a golden globe of light expand out like a blinding explosion. The light rapidly shrunk below the tree line and disappeared.
Remember what I just told you. Just take deep breaths. I have the utmost faith in you.
The words, and the realization that Celestia knew something like that would happen, was a slight comfort.
The specifics on how Alicorn magic can be used to control the sun and moon are in the Great Historical Magics wing of the Canterlot Archives. I will be back before Nightmare Night. Do your best to fulfill my duties while I find a way to Canterlot
I am excited to share what we learn from this, once we meet again. For the time being, you may address letters to me as Twilight Sparkle.
Your dedicated teacher and mentor,
Celestia
PS: It is of the utmost importance that my sister knows nothing of this. In addition, the guards will probably be there soon; you should come up with a good excuse.
Twilight dazedly rolled the scroll back up and tucked it under a wing. After shivering at the sensation of the paper under the unfamiliar appendage, she still pondered Celestia's last words.
A good excuse for what?
“Who’s out here? Show yourself.” The voice of a familiar sounding stallion, echoed through the clearing.
Oh, that’s what she meant. Think, think... Twilight racked her thoughts for waht to do, but she couldn’t get her mind over the familiarity of that voice.
There was a rustling of foliage from many different directions. The rustling sounds seemed to be getting closer by the second.
“I found some... Princess Celestia?” One of the royal guards had found her. His voice trailed off at the mention of her name.
He froze at the sight of the Sun Goddess, covered in dirt, with twigs and branches tucked in her normally perfect mane.
“What did you find, soldier...” The nearby shrub line was lit by another illumination spell, before a guard in much fancier armor wandered into the clearing. He halted at the sight of the nervous disheveled form of his Princess as well. Though if he was surprised, he sure didn’t show it.
“Bro... Shining Armor, you’re blinding me with your magic.” That was close.
“Sincerest apologies, your highness, I just wasn’t expecting... this.” The captain of the guard gave a bow, jabbing his stupefied companion to do the same.
“What has happened here, your highness... if you don’t mind me asking of course?”
If I don’t tell them something they might suspect me, but he’s my brother. Could he tell if I lied? I got it! I’ll have to time it just right...
A dozen more guards filled the small clearing in the woods. Twilight now had a full audience to explain to.
“I was flying back to the castle from Ponyville, when one of my shoes fell off into the woods.” Celestia’s form stomped at the ground with ferocity. The magically enhanced stomp caused all the guards to flinch. It was just enough time to pull of the teleportation of a small gold object from one of her hooves.
“I have been growing more frustrated by the minute in my search... oh, there it is.” She levitated the gold accessory from a bush nearby, slipping it on her back hoof.
Please don’t notice I started with four horseshoes.
“That would explain why you were out here, but why are you so... um... covered in nature?” Shining asked.
“Yes, well... I dived after it, the shoe you see, and accidentally slammed into those tree branches over there, and then I crash landed right there. ”
“And the flash of magic was...?” he queried.
“It was an expression of my utter rage and frustration at my own foalishness and inability to simply locate my lost shoe,” Twilight replied almost too casually. “My clumsy flying only made things worse as you can imagine.”
“Right... well, do you require an escort to the castle, your Highness?”
“No, that is not necessary. I have business within the Canterlot archives. You may return to your posts.”
Shining Armor saluted, and then departed with the rest of the guards.
Way to go, Twilight. That was the best you could come up with? She restrained herself from a face-hoof, settling with a mental one instead. If only my brother knew he was taking orders from his sister.
***
With a flash, Twilight was at her old study with the scrolls and books she had picked up from the archives. Being a princess made it easy to gain access to the restricted collections. By the look of the librarian, her utter filthiness within the archives was not appreciated, but being a princess helped with that too. The large hourglass, the shelves of her book collection, and the large glass window facing the inner castle were a comforting sight.
No time for nostalgia! I must start studying!
Twilight set down the two letters from earlier, on the end of the large desk.
In case somepony came looking for Celestia, 'Twilight's' study would be the last place anypony should look.
“Good evening, sister.”
Or so she thought.
“Eeep!” Twilight yelped. “I’m so sorry, Princess Luna.” This is bad, this is bad, this is bad. Luna has been around more than one-thousand years. I have no hope of pretending to be her sibling!
The moon princess levitated the book off of her muzzle, that Twilight had flung at the Night Princess in her fright.
“We are sorry as well.” Luna made her way to Twilight’s side and nibbled her ear. “‘Princess Luna’ is such a formal greeting for us. Is it not, Tia?”
“Yes, well um... I suppose it is. How did you know I was here?” Twilight scooted slightly away and shoved her blushing face into the nearest book.
“We know we can always find our sister here, when thou are... how you say, stressed out. Judging by thy trick thou pulled on the guards this evening, thou must be most upset. This hypothesis is supported by thy looks.” Luna lightly jabbed a hoof at Twilight. Luna was too focused on reading the book that had been flung in her face to see Twilight wince.
“What do you mean, ‘trick?’ I lost...”
“Thou lost thy shoe; we heard. Is that really the best excuse you could compose, for one of thy private tantrums?”
Celestia has tantrums? How do I respond to this kind of claim? Twilight was more confused than ever.
“It matters not; the guard could use the experience. What matters is our sister’s feelings. Dost thou already miss thy most faithful student, and why dost thou read a book written by thyself?”
I don’t know Celestia’s inner feelings, her psychology. Wait, The Princess misses me... and let me see that book.
Twilight jerked the tome away from Luna’s grasp, and sure enough, the inside cover of Magic Manipulation of Solar Celestial Bodies, had the princess’ name in gold lettering printed on it. How did I miss that?
“Are those letters from Twilight Sparkle? We love reading about thy student's friendship.”
“Wait, no! Don’t read those!” Twilight jumped out of her chair.
“Tia, what are thee... We accept thy challenge!” Twilight had surrounded Luna in a gold aura in pure panic. A darker blue magic promptly covered the white alicorn.
The sisters were both levitated above the ground, having a sort of zero gravity struggle. Neither really had the advantage while floating high above the floor. Repelling magic just sent them swirling around the room. Each thrown book or teleportation was countered with a shield spell or another teleportation.
This is madness! Twilight screamed in her head.
At some point, the pair was thrown against one of the walls while they grappled one and other. “Ha, we are on top! This is the advantageous position. Submit to us Tia. Thou know’st what is coming is inevitable.”
“Never! I won’t let you. It’s a violation of privacy!” Twilight struggled to keep hold of the letters in her magic.
“Thou hast lost; do not deny us our spoils!” Luna shouted in triumph.
“I can still do, this!” Despite the announcement of the attack, a large text connected with the side of Luna’s head. The strike was enough to disrupt Luna's magical grip on her opponent. This gave Twilight the chance to get out from under the Lunar Goddess and run for the tower doors. Luna tried to teleport in front of her sister, but her head was still spinning.
With magic basically useless, the fight for the letters degraded into a physical wrestling match. Twilight clutched the letters with her gold magic, with all her might.
“Ha, now I’m on top!” Twilight declared with triumph.
Luna was quiet and had her eyes closed. Oh no, I hurt her, Celestia is going to... “Ahh haha ha! Stop I... I can’t take it anymore!”
I’m sorry Celestia... I failed you.
Celestia’s body lay panting from the massive tickling she received from Luna's unrelenting wings. Luna began reading the letters nearby, swaying to and fro in jovial victory.
“This is most amusing.” The Moon Princess laughed, in a tone reminiscent of Nightmare Moon.
That’s it. I’m going to be banished. I hope it’s somewhere with books.
“Come, Sister. Let us partake in a warm bath of bubbles together. We are most... unclean. Thou must be going to bed soon and We must return to our duties.”
I should just run away. I can... She called me ‘Sister.’ She hasn’t figured it out? Twilight's eyes reduced to pinpricks. Wait... a bath with the princess? What in the hay is happening?
On her way out the door, Luna noticed her sister was still gawking out the window of Twilight's study. The Princess of the Night, decided the best remedy for this, was with forceful nuzzles to her sister's side towards the royal baths. Perhaps some public embarrassment would break Tia away from her statue impersonation?
Twilight might have wondered why the guards were not so shocked by the sight of the two unkempt Princesses, one of which was being dragged and pushed down the hall upon her Royal Rump. That is, if she wasn't so mortified by the though of bubble baths. Oddly the castle staff only made quiet murmurs when they thought the sisters were out of earshot. A few servants smiled at seeing the obvious display of love between siblings.
At some point along the way, Luna hoofed back the letters, hoping to un-petrify her dearest sister. Luna giggled once Twilight greedily unfurled the letters in her magic and started walking on her own. She read the letters over again as they made their way to the royal chambers.
The first letter was the same as before, but the second had changed. It was no longer addressed to Twilight.
This looks like... my horn-writing?
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sometimes we can get caught up in thinking current events are more dire than they actually are. It is important to step back and take a deep breath. This allows one to gain a realistic and healthy scope of things. Panic only leads to more problems for everypony. Just believe that the sun will rise the next day and everything will be fine.
Speaking of the sun, I was wondering if the specifics on how the sun and moon are moved by alicorn magic could be found in the Great Historical Magics wing of the Canterlot Archives?
Your most faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
PS: How is Princess Luna doing? I hope she does not think I am mad at her for the Nightmare Moon incident. A lot of ponies are still afraid of her. I can’t say I blame them. Don’t tell her I said that.
Twilight winced at the letter’s contents. Both because of what it said, and what it included at the end.
Instead of diagrams, graphs, and equations about the sun, there was a sketch of a pile of ponies fighting over a doll, with Big Macintosh at the top. It was exquisitely detailed. Celestia must have used her best quill.
“Oh Sister, if what Twilight says is true, we must go and clear our name. Perhaps during this Nightmare Night, thou speaketh of dear Tia? Oh, who knew thy student was such an artist as well!”
If Luna had expected an answer, she didn’t wait for one. “It is so responsible of thee to read through thy books, before sending dangerous information to thy student.”
Twilight was barely listening. She was still reviewing the events of the past few hours. Wait... I still have to raise the sun.
"Tia..? Sister?" Luna waved a hoof in front of Twilight's staring visage. "Oh, it appears we must take rash measures! I'll get our favorite luffa to wash thy misgivings away post haste!
Celestia was jarred awake by a blinding glow, visible even with her eyes tightly closed. She was back in her perfect white form, lying in the large royal bed near her sister. The intensity of the shining solar body was making it increasingly hard to see. Celestia leaned forward to squint at the world outside. Luna was staring at her in shock. Some of the royal guards burst in with fear-stricken, disgusted faces. The sun drew closer, causing the trees to spontaneously catch fire like a field of matches. Anything flammable on the surface of the land was cast into a furious blaze.
It was too late for her power to save them. Celestia turned to her dear sister and grasped her in hoof and wing. “Luna! What have I done? I should never have let this happen.”
The ground started to quake and deep fissures opened up, swallowing a few towers of the grand castle. Luna returned the grasp, shuddering a little. Celestia buried her face in the dark blue coat, which helped with the blaring light. The room was shaking more violently now and the windows started to rattle.
“Twilight.” Luna spoke.
“I know. She’s gone now,” the white princess said with deep sorrow.
“Twilight.” The moon goddess said with a bit more force. The rattling was becoming louder with each passing moment.
“I know... you would have liked her. Let’s just be silent... for the end.”
“TWILIGHT!”
Celestia jerked at the anguished cry. Her vision completely failing her in the scorching flames.
“WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT, I ALREADY FEEL… oh?” Celestia opened her eyes to a view full of purple scales.
What a dream.
“Twilight... can’t... breathe... let... go,” Spike wheezed, gasping for air.
Celestia released her death grip on poor Spike, only to grab him again and violently shake the baby dragon.
“Where is the sun? Why is the window shaking?” The window near the bed still showed nothing but darkness, though it was rattling in a steady rhythm. At least utter blackness is better than that nightmare.
This time Spike was able to work free of the purple hooves. “Uh, Twilight, there is no sun at 5:30 in the morning; the shaking you’re feeling is Vinyl’s dubstep dishwasher, and you have to stop grabbing me. You’re all hot and sweaty.” Spike grabbed the edge of a sheet and wiped at his scales.
“Right... I must go take a shower at once. Wait... why are you waking me at this hour?” 5:30, that leaves Twilight a half hour or so to raise the sun. I believe in you, Twilight.
The unicorn’s purple cheeks flushed red in her filthy state. Celestia knelt down into a catlike stretch beside the bed. Luna usually gets me up at six. I was so used to the guards waking me before.
“Don’t tell me you forgot?” Spike whined, noticing the lack of urgency in Twilight’s actions.
Celestia looked around the room for a clue. If I don’t say something, he will surely—
“I wouldn’t bother with a shower.” He started to bundle up the bed sheets for the wash. He held them at arm's length to avoid the sweat and stench. Unfortunately, his little arms were not apt for the task.
Celestia gave him a disapproving stare. Well at least I don’t have under-wing sweat to deal with.
“I guess I can’t blame you, after you got so... worked up yesterday.” Spike stared while he envisioned the previous afternoon’s events. He blinked it away with a short shiver. “You’re lucky you have your number one assistant. While you were out, I compiled a list of all your scheduled appointments for the day.” The baby dragon descended the stairs and returned with a large bundled scroll.
Celestia brought the paper in front of her violet eyes. Twilight's hue of dark pink magic was still foreign to her. Sure enough, the first thing on the list explained a lot.
Help Applejack with apple-bucking (without magic) 6:00
Assist Rarity with her latest shipments
Talk to Pinkie about her latest Pinkie Promise (When she inevitably shows up)
Check experiment 352 at exactly 3:22
Review the CMC’s latest scheme for acquiring their cutie marks
The list ran on, but Celestia’s mind was already buzzing with questions.
What does Applejack have against magic? What kind of secrets does a crazy pony like Pinkie Pie have? Twilight never told me anything about an experiment, let alone an experiment 352? What is this “CMC?”
As these thoughts floated around, she barely noticed Spike looking up at her with a hopeful grin.
“Thank you, Sir Spike.” Oops, that is how I address the guards.
Spike pondered the awkward remark. Scratching his chin, he replied, “Sir Spike... I like it. Uh, Twilight, you better get going to the farm.”
“Of course, I’ll be right off then.”
Spike looked somewhat dismayed as she made her way to the door.
“Are you going to yell at Vinyl Scratch like you usually do?” He asked, wincing a little.
Well if Twilight normally does it, I guess I will too. Celestia stopped with the door open. She gazed toward the two story cottage emanating what could only be described as low frequency oscillations of epic proportions.
Spike sighed. “I’ll take that look as a yes.”
***
Celestia knocked on the door, ready to give a standard haughty lecture. This was one of here student's behaviors she was confident in imitating. After all, she had even caught Twilight giving her a lecture, only for the unicorn to stutter, sputter, and spout apologies. Perhaps it was a side effect of all the one on one lessons she had given Twilight Sparkle since she was a foal? Or maybe it was an inherited behavior from one of Twilight's parents? She was about to knock again, when the door swung inwards and the pony she was looking for leaned against the door frame.
There was a spark of recognition from the Princess. Oh I recognize those glasses! This is the DJ I procured for the royal wedding later this year. She is quite popular with the teen crowd. Perhaps just a tad ahead of the times for the capital?
Vinyl had her forelegs crossed in a nonchalant manner. She must have been expecting her, because there was no way she could have heard the knocking over the loud bass waves unless she had been right there. The conversation that followed was less talking and more akin to screaming. Necessary in order to overcome the intense beats.
“I THOUGHT WE’D BEEN OVER THIS ALREADY. CELESTIA HASN’T MADE ANY LAWS AGAINST PLAYING MUSIC THIS LOUD AT ANY TIME, SO UNLESS YOU FINISHED FILING THAT REQUEST AND JUST GOT IT APPROVED BY HER ROYAL HIGHNESS HERSELF, I AIN’T CHANGING A THING.”
An earth pony mare with a grey coat and pink bow, trotted up behind Vinyl. Her black mane and tail were completely frazzled. Deep bags threatened to invade the rest of the mare's lower cheeks. “OH FINALLY, A MARE WITH REASON! DID YOU SEND IN THAT PAPERWORK TO STOP THIS INFERNAL RACKET?”
Celestia couldn't help but grin at the new arrival. No way! The renowned cellist, Octavia Melody, lives here too? She was so taken with unexpected appearance, It took her a moment to process the words. I do recall something about submitting a noise violation on Spike’s list. But what's a "dub step dishwasher?" I’m technically still The Princess, so I guess this is up to me.
Octavia’s eyes were honestly creeping Celestia out a little, so she diverted her gaze back to the impatient DJ. "DO YOU MIND IF I COME IN FOR A MINUTE? I WANT TO SEE THIS DISHWASHER."
Celestia swore she could feel Vinyl Scratch squint questioningly from behind those purple shades. After a few thrums of base, Vinyl moved aside. Octavia's groan was drowned out by the cacophony. The lack of sound hardly lessened the message of anguish and woe as Octavia tipped her head back and arched her back just so.
The DJ lead the way past the staircase in the entryway and into the kitchen. There, sitting between the oven-stove combo and the refrigerator, was the point of contention. Though sitting between may have been a misnomer. Something that blurs the space it occupies as it pushes the ponies away with the pressure of sound, does not simply, sit.
“DOES THAT DISHWASHER PLAY ANYTHING ELSE?” Celestia asked.
Octavia looked utterly confused by the words leaving the studious pony’s muzzle. Vinyl's shaded glasses chose that moment to fall from her face to reveal the welling excitement in her violet eyes. Vinyl levitated a remote off of a small table in the kitchen and turned the dishwasher off for a moment.
“You bet it does! This baby plays all my latest hits, like Ear Eviscerator, and Wubbed Out of This World, but the song you just heard does the best cleaning job.”
Celestia sat on the vinyl flooring and tapped her front hooves together. “So you've been testing the cleaning properties of different songs with the power of…?”
“Wubs.” Vinyl broke in to explain. “Though I was honestly just playing around at first. I guess you could call it ‘testing.’ I would work on this later in the day, but I have a busy job schedule.” Her expression of enthusiasm slowly drained as she finished. She fixed Celestia with a stone cold glare. “You hate all my music though, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Have you come here to shut me down or what?”
Octavia’s lips mouthed the words “Help me,” from behind her musically polar roommate.
Celestia was staring at the dark glasses on the floor, searching for an answer. Who am I to restrict her artistic freedom? Besides, I couldn’t pretend I hated one of my favorite artists, could I? Decades and decades of pompous classical musicians brown nosing me with free private performances. Nobles trying to butter me up by purchasing all the seats for a private orchestral performance. Which would have been nice, if I didn't have to sit through the same performance five times a day, because five nobles all thought the same thing!
“Well, what is it,” the roommates asked in unison.
Celestia slowly formed a small smile. “I’m actually not here to stop you Vinyl.”
“Really?”
“Nope, especially after hearing about your work in what will surely be the future of dish cleaning technology. As a mare rooted in science and discovery, it would be wrong of me to stop you. Besides, I have studied your music lately and find the primal energy in the low frequency sound waves perplexing. That along with synthetic sound. The technology is impressive, compared to that of classical instruments. As soothing and methodical as the classics can be, classical instruments don’t often get a room full of ponies energized like a good mix does.”
The cellist huffed and stomped out of the kitchen and up the stairs. “The greats are rolling in their graves, Twilight Sparkle. This is not the end of this!”
Vinyl rubbed her ears to make sure she had heard correctly, she had done so many times in the conversation. Though Celestia suspected it was because of hearing loss.
“Wow, Twilight! That is exactly what I have been trying to tell Miss. Grumpy upstairs,” Vinyl said, indicating the second floor.
“That’s what i’m here for. Well, I have work to do, so I guess I will be seeing you later.” Celestia turned to leave.
“Thanks, Twilight. You just won some cool points in my book. I guess you aren’t just an egghead.”
“Thanks... I guess.” How many times does Twilight get picked on for her intellect in a day? Is being stupid 'in' these days?
Celestia left the house toward Sweet Apple Acres, unaware of a pink mare bouncing up to the musician's house before the cottage door closed.
It has been ages since I have done any manual labor. The guards and maids would never let me do half the things I will probably do today. Maybe it will be fun?
***
The streets were mostly empty. Celestia observed some of her early rising subjects. They had started to set up their shops and stands. Celestia smiled as she gazed at the distant horizon. She could make out Mt. Canter, and at the top, the sun twinkling off of the palace roof tops.
I knew you could do it, my greatest student. It’s a few degrees off, but nopony will notice. Not even Luna.
The citizens didn’t realize what a blessing the rising sun was today. The orange orb was early in its arc of the new dawn, when the purple unicorn crested the hill leading down to the farm.
As Celestia, she had been to the farm many times before to settle feuds between the Apple and the Carrot family. As unfair as it was to pick sides, she often thought the Carrot family would win in the end. Plus, carrot cake is delicious. However, the Apple family was likable in many other ways. Their stubborn pride and complicated traditions were something to admire. It helped that one of the family now bore one of the Elements.
I wonder if they are still at it?
***
“So I’m basically here to make you look good?” Celestia asked, trying to sum up what the orange earth pony had said.
“Well last time you all helped, Rainbow was able to shake loads of apples just flying through the trees, Fluttershy did her shivering thing quite effectively, you and Rarity cleaned house with your magic, and Pinkie Pie did her thing, basically leaving me starin’ at the ground useless.” Applejack looked indignant and scraped at the soil outside the main barn.
“I don’t see the problem. You got a break and all the work got done in a quarter of the time.”
“That’s it though. Me and Mac work hard every harvest to buck all these trees and you lot with no farmin’ experience gave us more than a run for our money, with no sweat.”
“I think I’m starting to understand. You feel beaten at your own game by a bunch of amateurs,” Celestia said frankly.
Applejack’s cheeks reddened with what Celestia presumed to be a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “Well yeah. That was the start anyways. I thought I would get over it, but unfortunately they wouldn’t give me the end of it.” Applejack gestured toward the fields across the road with an orange hoof.
“So this is about the ‘Carapple’ Conflict then.”
Celestia recalled the papers. (The ‘Carapple’ Conflict, as it was logged in the archives; is the running record of civil disputes between the Carrot and Apple families). This could certainly get interesting.
“Where did you hear that... oh never mind. No doubt you read it in one ohh yer books."
Again with the mocking my student's intelligence. Celestia pursed her lips as she kept listening.
After the Carrots saw you helpin’ us, they won’t stop teasin’ us about how we can’t handle our own farm and how we give earth ponies a bad name."
Applejack sidled up next to the unicorn, lifting her hoof to speak in a hushed whisper. "They say we're getting beat by... less than racially sensitive things about pegasi and unicorn magic.” Applejack grinned awkwardly, embarrassed about the subject matter. “So if me and you can clear this here field without magic, then that would show ‘em they need to bite their tongues.”
What would Twilight do? If I participate in this plan, it could turn into a contest of one-up ponyship between the families. I've seen what that leads to. I could give a standard sticks-and-stones speech or... solve it with logic. That’s what Twilight would try to do.
Celestia tried to come up with the most serious face she could muster while still seeming reassuring. “Applejack, they just want to start something between your families. Besides, Celestia and Luna have wings and magic. Surely they are not any of the... offensive labels you heard.”
Applejack fussed with her front hooves, closing both of them in the barn for privacy. She leaned in to whisper in one of Celestia’s ears.
Both of the purple unicorn’s ears shot up, and her serious face transformed into one of abominable rage.
“THEY SAID THAT ABOUT US... I MEAN THE PRINCESSES? IT IS ON!”
The farm pony looked a little terrified, and perhaps had second thoughts about what she had started. She recognized the phrase Rarity had said a couple of times before things got serious.
“Uh Twi. Are you okay?”
I've always wanted to participate in a pointless feud, and maybe an angry mob if I'm lucky!
"Twilight. You're scaring me. You better not start a town panic again."
‘Twilight’ looked away, as her forehooves rubbed together.
I may have to implement my own plans along with this one. The Carrot family is going down.
The cratered white orb had been put to rest, but stars still hung in the night's sky. Moments after the moon made its exit, its conductor brushed passed her counterpart. In her passing, Luna lovingly nuzzled her sister. The warden of the night welcomed herself to her sister’s royal bed. The edges of the sheets tucked themselves under the mattress with just an afterthought of her power. Only Luna's head poked above the sheets, lying back against luxurious pillows.
“I can’t do it while you’re watching like that.”
Luna's hooves hooked over the top of the sheets. “But Tia, we often watch you; what does it matter?” Luna asked innocently.
“I just feel... different today.” Maybe that was not the wisest choice of words.
“Art thou still upset?” Luna expressed with slight exasperation. “We know thou dost not like to share thy source of unease, but we are always there for thee.” Luna yawned, wriggling further into comfort.
Twilight glanced back towards the bedchamber, but quickly turned away to hide a blush. She couldn't unsee it. The quivering lower lip, the impossibly wide eyes that seemed to be on the verge of watering.
How could I shut down a face like that? Oh Celestia, this may be the hardest test you have ever given me.
The new princess was still looking upon Luna's night when she spoke. “Luna, I can not tell you what ails me.” Twilight said in her best Celestia impression. The likeness to her teacher, surprising even herself.
Twilight whirled around, realizing she hadn't heard Luna's reply. Fortunately, the Lunar Princess was fast asleep. Twilight sighed with relief. I don’t know if I can get used to being a princess, but I'll do it for Celestia... For Equestria!
Her cheeks reddened as she became painfully aware that she was staring at 'her sister,' while she slept.
Luna's right there, sleeping in my... no, Celestia’s bed.
Luna had insisted her sister dearest, needed company, even though Luna would have been asleep in her own chambers at this hour. Twilight had seen very little of the Princess Luna since her return. She knew even less about what Luna was like. Now, she would be sleeping in the same bed!
It was time for her number one panic avoidance technique. Reading! She removed the towel from her damp, radiant, rainbow mane, and spread the charts and books she needed on the stone balcony railing.
What if I don’t bring the sun up, what will happen? Would there just be eternal twilight? Did the sun and moon always need to be directed by magic? Now that I think about it, Lyra Heartstrings has that crazy theory about worlds with solar and lunar bodies that move by themselves. It is mathematically possible. Maybe I should have listened to her better?
Twilight remembered the theories the mint mare had about bipedal beings that ‘drove’ in metal chariots.
Stop that, you have to focus! You're already falling behind. You don't want to be... tardy!
A terrified expression crossed her face. One that her friends knew all too well, but still made them uneasy.
“NO! It will be fine,” She whispered to herself. That kind of frantic hysteria is what got you here in the first place.
She focused back on the books and scrolls before her. The texts were like nothing Twilight had read before. It’s so… unscientific, illogical, and kind of crazy.
No! These are not qualities I can associate with her.
It's one thing to read about theories of nuclear fusion reactions, but what was it like, to live it?!
With one last glance at her resources, her horn ignited. The point glowed like a small sun of its own, perched on the end of her horn. She had made a brief list to make sure everything went smoothly.
Okay, onto step 3 of 32.
Twilight spread her wings, spanning a third of the balcony; Her eyes, glowing with magic and visions of the cosmos.
At first, it was as though she were watching herself and the sun from above. Soon, she was the sun. The sensation scared her at first. At the same time, it felt... good... no... great! The energy of the solar mass billowed inside her, the power of endless burning flames seething beneath her coat. The same flames that were vital to all life on the planet, were also capable of ending all of it just as easily.
It wasn't an observation of malice. It was simply fact! Had she really shivered, or was it just her conciseness recoiling from the apocalyptic musings? It was hard to tell. Was this magical high a from of clarity or delusion?
The notes suggested this spell took on mental imagery based on the nature and character of the caster. For Twilight Sparkle, the results were similar to a chalkboard. The never ending void of space was her slate. A slate upon which to scribe the orbital mechanics of this world. A torrent of ellipses, and mathematical expressions flowed rapidly around her. The lines were drawn up by dancing chalk lines of stardust.
Hmm. It seems I have attained a form of omni-directional awareness. This would be great for taking notes!
She observed the sun's position in her model. I'll just nudge this along this line here, and...
...It was over. She was left staring over the balcony railing at the city below.
Twilight Sparkle, barely held back a foalish scream of excitement. She lightly bit her lip until the urge was thoroughly strangled. That was amazing. I wonder if that's how Rainbow feels about Sonic Rainbooms? Nopony will notice it was 1.735 minutes late, right?
With the power of the sun no longer within her, the exhaustion of the evening's events bared upon her. She caught herself staring at Luna once again at her bedside. So peaceful, powerful, and beautiful all at the same time.
A post sunrise nap was part of Celstia's normal routine. This she knew from all the times she snuggled with Celestia on this very bed as a filly. Often too excited about some upcoming personal magic lessons to get any real sleep. Instead she would just bask in her mentor's warm embrace and count the feathers on the wings wrapped around her.
Finally, Twilight reluctantly slipped under the covers next to Luna. She faced away from her, but it did little to reduce the awkwardness. I can’t wait to move it again, she thought.
“Finally sleep… at 5:53,” Twilight half whispered half yawned.
She missed the brief peek she received from across the bed.
***
Twilight stirred a little to the sound of voices in the hall, before she forced herself back to sleep. Outside the large chamber doors, many mares and colts in various staff uniforms were gathered in a heated discussion.
“You know what happened last time she didn’t get them,” a colt exclaimed. He bore a fancy accent and white cuffs around the top of his hooves.
“There isn’t anything I can do. Doughnut Joe didn’t tell me about this until twenty minutes ago,” a mare chimed in.
“You have to keep your voice down Golden Chalice,” a second mare added, putting a hoof over the other two mouths. They scowled at her, but stayed quiet.
“You all agree somepony must tell her though, or it will be the ruin of all of us,” she said in a whisper.
The others nodded in agreement.
The stallion stroked his mustache. “Excellent idea! Porcelain Pot, you can tell her and we will stay out here.”
“Silver Platter." Porcelain Pots addressed the stallion with clenched teeth. "That’s not—”
“Thanks a lot for volunteering," Golden Chalice said, cutting off the maid's objection.
The mob of staff ponies pushed the ‘volunteer’ up to the doors.
“Your highness, your highness.” Porcelain Pot’s voice was accompanied by a tapping hoof, slightly muffled by the chamber doors.
“Wha... what,” Twilight groaned, lifting her head from a saliva soaked pillow. Groggily, she looked at the metal alarm clock on the bed stand.
8:00, only two hours and seven minutes of sleep.
The voice outside the door continued. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but something terrible has happened. Would you please let me enter? I must tell you face to face.” She sounded scared and distressed.
Twilight was the princess now, and considered going back to sleep.
Should I let them in? It could be a real emergancy. Twilight rolled in her bed with her eyes barely open.
“I guess… I mean, you may enter!”
There was an odd silence for almost three minutes. Twilight thought she heard somepony cough. The sound echoed in the marble halls beyond the door.
“Um princess, are you going to open the door?” The mare’s voice sounded meek and confused.
“Oh, of course.” I forgot about the magic doors.
The doors swung open with a gold envelope of force, and Twilight found a groveling mess in front of her. She was a unicorn, with a blue grey coat and blue and white mane. The mare had a fine tea set as a cutie mark and wore a simple serving outfit.
“Your... your majesty. Your shipment has been... lost.” The mare covered her head in shame.
“What shipment?” Celestia’s face showed genuine concern. "What valuable resource has been taken? Information, medicine, equipment for the guard?!"
“Your Cloud Cakes, they were st... sto... stolen,” she stuttered. “Please oh please forgive me.” By this point the mare's chin was pressed to the polished floor.
“... What... what?” Twilight’s face contorted. “Oh come on! You interrupted my sleep for this?!”
“You told me you desired Cloud Cakes at 8:00, every morning no matter what. We... I have failed you.”
Porcelain risked a glance upwards to her Princess. Oh no, not that face. I’ll be lucky to just be fired. Porcelain Pot looked back through the doors and noticed a scowl from Silver Platter and the others for almost getting them involved.
“Well, its 8:05 now and I don’t see any cakes.” I just want to sleep.
“Wha... what do you wish to be d-done?” I’m going to be banished or turned to stone or made into pastries myself and consumed by the princess.
“Do you know what I’m going to do?” Twilight said in a raised voice, while she closed the doors.
“Please don’t turn me into cake and eat me! Just fire me. Doughnut Joe didn’t tell me in time...” The pleading continued.
What is wrong with these ponies? What does Doughnut Joe have to do with this?
The quivering mare stopped staring at the floor and looked up at the princess for an answer.
“I, am going, to sleep!” Twilight grabbed a dry pillow and set her head down upon it.
After a few moments, she opened her eyes to see Porcelain Pot still bowed on the ground.
“Are you leaving? I’m going to sleep whether or not you stay.”
The serving mare was beyond confused. She backed all the way up to the door as if expecting a trick. She fumbled at the magically sealing door.
The door isn’t opening, what is she planning? If I become a pastry will I still have a pony mind? Porcelain Pot’s thoughts kept racing.
She started scraping at the doors in panic, until golden magic opened them with a sigh from the bed. As the doors slammed shut, Twilight realized Luna was missing from the disheveled covers.
She must have gone back to her room. Thought Twilight.
“What in the hay is going on around here? What is so important about giving me pastries?” Twilight shrugged. At least I can sleep in peace now. She started snoring almost immediately.
On the other side of the double doors, Porcelain Pot stood, hyperventilating against the enchanted wood.
“Are you okay?” Golden Chalice looked relieved to see her.
“So what did she do to you?” asked Silver Platter.
“She yelled a lot and then... went to sleep.”
***
After being woken up by the royal shoe polisher, crown polisher, room maids, and a few royal messengers, all within five or ten minutes of each other, Twilight ordered the guards to keep everypony away until noon.
Why can’t they have one polisher for the crown and the shoes? Efficiency sure is lacking around here.
Six hours was all she needed. After all, sleeping was a waste of time. Especially when one could just binge on coffee for a few days of proper study!
As if on cue, a knock came at noon. At least this time the studious mare felt relatively rested. A large box of scrolls, around seven by seven hooves, had been left at the door. A note was pinned to the side:
Princess Celestia
I am sorry to present you with this now, but there are many important matters within these pages, along with the usual paperwork. Please send these via a royal courier before 4:00pm.
Department of Royal Affairs
The two guards by the doors grew uncomfortable as the princess stared at the stack of paperwork.
“This is great!” The shriek caused both the pegasus guards to fly up into the ceiling, loosening some chips of marble. Their gold colored helmets prevented any serious damage.
“Could one of you send for some lunch... oh, sorry? I got a little too excited.”
Twilight apologized to the dizzy guards, slipping back through the thick doors with the large crate grasped in telekinesis.
Stonewall headed off to the kitchen, his head still sore.
Why did you have to do so well on your Royal Guard exams? It had to be better than perimeter post, right? ‘Just stand in front of the big doors and be intimidating,’ they said. It's easy bits, they said!
The stallion most certainly did not stomp down the halls. No, he was marching with vigor.
***
“Okay, time to learn about Equestrian affairs.” The alicorn gave a squee of excitement before levitating the first page to Celestia’s work desk.
I hope what I’ve read will help. How hard can politics be? All I have to do is pick what is best for Equestria.
“For Celestia, for Equestria!” Twlight quietly declared with a hoof pump.
As she breezed through all the paperwork, she couldn't help but feel it was written to influence the reader into a decision. She felt confident her final checks and signatures were made out of her own reasoning.
The tax system is fascinating, although it could use some tweaks.
A few scrolls stuck out from the rest, not just because they were in their own special cases. Twilight recited the basics of what she deemed noteworthy.
“ACT 42 Waste Management Improvement Plan: includes the upgrading of many cities from outhouse-style waste disposal, including Appleoosa... Approved! We have modern plumbing, everypony! It’s time to get with the program.”
“ACT 52: Expansion of Renewable Energy Projects Plan: This one includes a dam construction on Forelock River near Ponyville, and experimental windmills in Maneasota... Approved! Renewable energy still seems important even though the environment appears to be doing fine.”
“ACT 66: Project Pie: This one came in a magically sealed cylinder, labeled top secret. “Full scale experiments on the mare Pinkie Pie... Declined. What a waste of government spending. Besides, Pinkie Pie has to be ready to wield the Element of Laughter, and of course she’s my friend. Am I letting personal bias sway my opinion? No, her powers could be wrongly exploited by the military, then fall into the wrong hooves. It's unethical to kidnap and experiment on live sapient beings.”
“Speaking of military, let’s not forget about the ally proposal with the Griffons in a declaration of war against the Diamond Dogs. That was a tough one to decide. The Diamond dogs gem mines have been stretching into Equestrian and Griffon territory. That explains what happened to Rarity. I hope everypony, and I guess every Griffon, is accepting of my decision.”
She rested a hoof on her chin, trying to think of anything else that needed to be reviewed.
“Well it’s only 2:30. It’s time to go see how Canterlot is faring and get to the bottom of this pastry nonsense.”
I also need to learn how to send letters back to Celest... me... oh whatever. That can wait a bit. I can handle things around here. Besides, it’s been a while since I gave Joe a visit.
“Celestia, your food selection has been prepared. Would you like us to bring it in?” Twilight recognized the voice speaking through the door as Porcelain Pot.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m going out to eat. Oh, and while I’m out, have somepony install some sort of communication device in here. Yelling through the door is inefficient!”
Twilight never saw the train of food carts prepared by the serving staff file back down the halls. Stonewall facehoofed. He caught the irate serving mare just as she made a rush for the door, flailing her forelegs menacingly.
“Celestia! I’ll get you for playing with my feelings so help…” Porcelain Pot’s muzzle was plugged by Stonewall’s hoof.
“What was that?” Twilight inquired.
Stonewall kept the raging serving mare silent and answered in her stead. “We’ll get right on that your highness!” At least the pay is good. Just keep thinking about your daughter in Ponyville. Hold on Dinkey, daddy's coming soon?
Porcelain Pot stopped struggling and sighed,“She is right. Yelling through the door is stupid.”
A purple body collapsed under a fruitless tree. “Too... tired... for... vengeance,” the unicorn said.
“What was that Twi?” Applejack asked, as she was bucking the last tree. She looked back and spied a tuckered out Twilight, snoring loudly.
“Hey BP, ain’t that the cutest sight?” Applejack struggled to keep herself from bursting with laughter.
“I don't know Applejack; it seems a bit undigified the way she’s all spread out like that,” replied Berry Punch, who looked at Twilight’s body in slight revulsion.
“Well Berry, are you gonna help me with this, or would that be fraternizing with the enemy?”
Berry Punch waved her hooves defensively. “Oh no, the last thing I want is to pick sides. I was just here to make sure Twilight didn’t use her magic.”
“So why is this up to you all of the sudden?" Asked the farm pony with skepticism.
"I get fruits and veggies from both your families for my business, so I can be seen as a neutral party. You and the Carrots must understand, I literally can't afford to choose sides here."
Applejack straightened her hat. "Right, right, just help me out here.”
Berry assisted in hoisting the unicorn onto Applejack's back. "I bet it was a lot easier to buck all those trees when you weren't causing a stampede of bouncing bunnies, poisoning pitiful ponies, or sending Rainbow Dash ricocheting across town," Berry teased as she helped.
“Ha ha. As true as that is, I couldn't have done it without Twilight. I can’t believe she nearly bucked half east field. It's like she was possessed or something. Maybe she read some books on hard work.” Applejack gave an exaggerated wink to the pink mare.
Berry Punch smiled slightly. “You know what I can’t believe? After all this time I’ve worked with your two families through my juice and wine business, ya'll still don’t get along better. I mean you’re both hard working farmers, have large close families, run successful businesses selling your crops in Ponyville—”
“You do make a good—” Applejack started to say.
“—and don’t forget, you also practice overly complicated traditions and are stubborn as boulders.”
“Hardy har, I’d love to stick around for more of your witty insults, but I need to get Twi here back to the library and hit the hay.” Applejack yawned deeply, before wearily trotting off towards town, the limp unicorn slung over her back.
“Would you quit calling me BP, and just call me my full name? Berry, by itself sounds like a colt’s name, and BP sounds like it’s short-hoof for some corporate thingy.”
“Sure thing BP, maybe later,” Applejack said, over her shoulder. She wasn’t really paying attention.
Shrugging slightly, Berry Punch muttered to herself, “Dealing with these two families is going to make an alcoholic out of me." She took a deep breath, as she gazed at the shadows being cast by the trees. "I can't believe I missed my morning shot for this!"
***
Spike crept closer to his caretaker’s bed with an anxious look on his face. He stood a few feet away debating on whether he should wake her. Spike always enjoyed the sight of the peaceful bundle of fur that was Twilight slumbering, especially because it meant she wouldn’t yell at, scold, or order him around to clean up after her.
Twilight’s disheveled form rolled over, sending the star and moon patterned bed sheets to the wooden floor.
“Luna, scoot over, you’re hogging all the covers.” Celestia opened her eyes and shook her head, quickly remembering who and where she was. She noticed the purple dragon staring in her direction and asked, “Spike, were you just watching me sleep? That's really creepy.”
“Were you just dreaming about being in bed with the former terror of the night? Because that could be considered creepy too.”
Twilight’s form straightened to match Celestia's regality. The effect was lessened by the fact that she was still lying down and her mane was matted and filthy. “You should refer to her as Luna or Princess Luna since she is... forget it, it was just a dream.” Now is definitely not the time to speak in my sister's name.
“A dream or a fantasy?” Spike asked, a teasing look on his face. The baby dragon stopped chuckling as soon as he received Celestia's scorching glare. One that bore through his soul and through the wall behind him.
After the existential shake down of a minor, Celestia rolled away from Spike and pretended to sleep again.
“Okay okay, it was a bad joke. I’m sorry, just please get up.” Spike nudged at Twilight’s body. "I know you’re faking; we're going to be late.”
The fake snoring noises ceased. “Late for what? It’s only 1:30 in the afternoon and nothing on the list has a set time, except my experiment”
The young dragon began twiddling his fingers. “Well, there’s no reason to keep Rarity waiting, and you have to leave time to get back to your experiment, which you still haven't told me anything about.”
“Fine, fine. I'm getting up. Why do you want to go to Rarity’s so badly? ...ohh ...ouch.” Celestia hissed in pain as she was roughly forced onto her haunches. Thanks to all the hard work at the farm, her back legs failed to support her. The jolt of pain through her lower back, was a painful reminder. That’s right. Spike has a crush on Rarity.
“I can’t imagine there being much you can do to help with Rarity’s shipping order, but you may come along if you wish... lover boy.” Celestia said, shakily getting to her hooves and wobbling a few steps towards the stairs. Twilight's definitely going to be feeling this later. I don’t know if I can even walk to the boutique.
Spike turned away to hide his blush. “How much help can you be with your rear end out of commission?” Spike laughed.
“Hey, I still have my magic. I can teleport most of the way.” As the words left her mouth, the unicorn stumbled painfully down the stairs, landing in a heap at the bottom. ”Make that, all the way.”
“Hi there!” A pink pony’s face filled her vision.
Celestia looked around the room. “How did you get in? The door was closed the whole time.” She's like a child of Discord... wait! Could Pinkie be a product of that time I— I better take Twilight’s advice and ignore it.
Pinkie Pie circled around Celestia in her usual bouncy gait. “Are you trying new ways to get around? You should try hopping. It hurts less than using your face, and it’s super fun!” In a blur of pink, all the window curtains were pulled closed and the door locked.
“No Pinkie Pie, I’m on my way to—”
“Help Rarity, I get it, but could you help me first?! You’re the only one who can solve my problem. Well, maybe not the only one. I mean, I could get ‘him’ to help, but then we would have to do ‘all that stuff’ over again...mmh ph uhn...”
Pinkie pie continued desperately to speak through Twilight's hoof jammed over her mouth.
“I’m going to remove my hoof, and when I do, I want you to tell me exactly what your dilemma is, okay?”
Pinkie gave a nod of understanding, starting to speak the second Celestia let go. “First we need to be alone.”
“Aww man, this was gonna be good," Spike complained. "I’ll be upstairs. Just let me know when you’re done.” Spike sauntered up to the study. As soon as he was out of earshot, the pink mare dropped to the floor, grasped the violet mare’s shoulders, and her eyes became bloodshot.
“I AM ADDICTED TO CHOCOLATE RAIN! I’m not talking about the song here. Before Discord became a statue again, I hid one of those succulent clouds in the Everfree forest, and now it’s all dried up.”
“So you want me to cast a new one?” Discord did teach me that spell when we were dating, but feeding somepony’s addiction might be a bad idea. “Why don’t you just throw some chocolate milk in a strainer or something, and why does this need to be a secret exactly?”
“It's just not the same, I need the real thing. Everypony might think that I’m in cahoots with Discord, which I thought about doing, until I learned he was a big meanie pants.”
“When you say it like that, I guess I understand. If everypony thought you were in league with a mastermind of chaotic mayhem and hoped to bring on a new world order of disharmony, all in the name of chocolate rain clouds, you would be concerning me."
“Isn’t that what I just said? That’s what I meant when I said big meanie pants. Duh!
“Fair enough, but wouldn't I be risking my reputation as well?” Celestia asked.
“That would be a problem, if everypony wasn’t still mad about yesterday anyway. Reputations aren't the worst part. Ever since that little precious cloud fizzled, I can’t concentrate on planning parties, and I NEED TO PLAN PARTIES or I might go insane!”
And she isn’t already? “Fine.” I just hope I don’t completely ruin Twilight’s delicate reputation by enabling the Element of Insanity. I’ll have to make it up to my student somehow.
Pinkie Pie finally let go of her shoulders and looked at the floor. “Thank you so much. I just need you to make one teensy tiny cotton candy chocolate cloud to quench my needs, until I finish planning this next really big party. After that, I Pinkie Promise to figure a way to get over this.” When the party pony looked up, her eyes were as bright and cheery as usual, and Celestia was surrounded in an awkwardly long hug.
Pinkie became serious for a moment and whispered in Celestia’s ear. “Oh, one more thing, my nose has been itching since I got here, and you know what that means.”
Celestia shook her head. “Actually Pinkie, I don’t.”
“It’s written inside that notebook, in that pocket dimension under your bed.”
“Do you mean my diary?” Something tells me asking Twilight to move it won't do any good.
“If you call all that technical whotsawhatsit a diary, then yeah. We better get going if you want to be just on time!” Pinkie hopped out the door towards the forest, followed by the telltale flash of unicorn teleportation.
On the way Pinkie finally told her what an itchy nose meant. ‘It’s so obvious that it meant somepony was following her.’ Celestia huffed.
"Girls? Are you done with secret girl time?" Spike asked as he walked to the upper landing of the staircase. His eyes fell upon the empty library below.
"Aww common!"
***
Celestia took one last look at the cloud she had just conjured. Scenes of the crazy pink mare reveling in the chocolate precipitation, replayed in her head. It is possible Pinkie is a ‘product’ of Discord. Celestia sighed. Will my involvement with Him ever cease to haunt me?
“Okay Celestia, let’s put that oddity you just witnessed behind us and get going to Rarity’s.”
There was definitely a sense of tension from everypony as Celestia teleported across Ponyville in short jumps. Especially since every time she popped into existence she gasped in pain from her hind legs. She headed across town to the Boutique, away from the Everfree Forest. The looks from Mayor Mare and Bon Bon seemed especially unpleasant. Judging by the glares and whispers of the townsfolk, Celestia realized Twilight's reputation had plummeted a bit more than she had thought. The constant teleporting probably isn’t improving their opinion, but it just might lose whoever is following me.
When she arrived at Rarity’s storefront, a delivery trailer was parked out front. A couple pegasi and a gruff colt were busy loading it with cargo. A round-chinned colt and a white unicorn were scolding a grey pegasus for directing the trailer into the side of Rarity’s shop. Celestia thought her job would be simply organizing and loading the boxes, but Rarity had a “more personal affair,” arranged for the librarian.
***
"I knew it! This is the sort of dirt I was waiting for!" A feminine whisper emanated from a tree outside the Carousel Boutique.
Spike and a grey mare were perched on a branch next to each other. The foliage of the tree concealed them while they spied into the second story window. The mare held a pair of opera glasses, while the dragon clutched a camera.
“When you asked me where Twilight went, I wasn't expecting you to use that information to stalk her every move,” Spike folded his arms in frustration. He had to speak carefully, while keeping balance on a tree limb. “I just came to see why Twilight didn’t tell me when she was going to Rarity’s. I don't want to jump to conclusions until I have all the facts. Maybe it’s not what it looks like.”
“Oh Spike, don’t be so naïve. A spa trip together, the nudges and embraces she gave to Twilight’s sides all the way to said spa trip, the outrageous outfit changes? I mean, look how Rarity is all over her. Just think, if I threaten to expose this relationship, then you can have a chance with Rarity again.”
Spike crossed his arms and stuck his tungue out. "Gross, I'm not looking. Also, that doesn't make any sense. How does exposing Twilight's relationship help me get with Rarity?"
"Well, she'll have to give in to my demands or risk a scandal. I know plenty of nobles who would love some leverage over Celestia's student."
Spike waved his arms, nearly falling from the tree. "Wait, wait, wait. What do nobles care about ruining Twilight's reputation?" The little dragon clutched his head in confusion.
"The Sparkles are a noble family Spike. They just never act like it. Night Light and Twilight Velvet have never been caught in any bribes, black market crime, conspiracy, or anything." But love between a noble descendant like Twilight and a commoner like Rarity? That could ruin her!" The spy clasped a grey hoof over her mouth for her outburst.
Spike's eyes lit up with realization. "You think if Twilight's reputation is ruined, then Celestia would drop her as her personal student, then other noble brats could take her place?"
"No, I don't think that Spike."
Spike sighed in relief.
"That's what the nobles think and that's all that matters. Twilight will have to avoid being seen with Rarity. Less time with Rarity, means more opportunities for you." The mare said, as if spying on young couples was a pedestrian affair. Considering her Canterlot background, it may have been true.
Spike looked crushed and disturbed. “You do realize Rarity is an Element of Harmony? Twilight needs to spend time with Rarity to literally save the world? Besides, Twilight's like family to me, and I’m not into invading her privacy."
"You make it sound like I'm the villain here. Ruining one relationship isn't Apocalyptic. Celestia isn't so petty to dump her most promising, perfect little protégé." The mare reached over to the purple dragon. “Just pass me the camera.”
Spike pulled the camera further away. "You are the villain. The elements rely on friendship to... hey the strap is still around my... choking!”
“Sorry, I’ll just undo... that.” The spy nestled further into the leaves as the camera strap came loose from the purple dragon’s neck and he plummeted into the bushes below the tree.
After a groan of pain, Spike brushed himself off and gaze upwards.
“I won’t say anything to Twilight for now. But that’s only because I could never explain what I was up to without letting her know I was spying on her. I’m tired of getting choked by everypony today.” The heartbroken dragon sulked away, kicking a pebble. Maybe I should go check on that experiment. Twilight was really specific about checking on it at exactly 3:22. It isn't like her to miss her own deadlines. It's definitely time to write the Princess a letter.
***
Celestia removed some prop reading glasses, shifting her position amongst the lacy bed sheets and books strewn about.
Rarity paced around the bed anxiously. “There is just something wrong with this whole thing. Your back leg is just not sitting right. I have to make sure this all comes together seamlessly!”
“I’m sorry Rarity, my leg fell asleep because you’re taking forever!” It also really hurts. “Why are you doing this again? Wouldn't it be faster if you used magic?” Celestia asked impatiently. It became increasingly awkward, as the mare attended to her with hooves and mouth.
Rarity, still laying on the bed beside the unicorn, drew a white hoof through the air as if pontificating to a crowd. “With all successful businesses one must appeal to all audiences and all demographics. A disheveled look is popular in Manehatten and other big cities. The librarian, intellectual ponysona are also in. Purple is the color of royalty you know? Thus you, are the picture perfect subject for modeling this new line. As for the lack of magic, it is difficult to get the wrinkles in the cloth right with magic. You must think of the earth pony audience my dear.”
Celestia sighed. “If you say so, but why did you choose me? I thought Fluttershy was your top model? Also, isn’t the color of royalty white and midnight blue?”
Rarity stopped her ministrations. "Twilight dear. Gold and navy blue have been out of royal style for over a century."
"But, but, how can that be? I'm still ruler... er Celestia and Luna are still rulers of the nation. How can their colors not be, 'The Color of Royalty?'"
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Twilight. This is exactly the reason why ponies in Canterlot don't respect you. You have no sense of fashion and you know nothing about Canterlot culture." Rarity gasped and covered her muzzle with both hooves.
Celestia silently stared daggers at the fashionista.
"I'm soo sorry Twilight. That was incredibly mean spirited of me. That sort of talk is exactly what caused Fluttershy to quit her modeling career."
Well, that at least explains why my subscription to Play Pony magazine was cancelled. “Fine, I forgive you. Just try to finish this up quickly.”
After Rarity was finished, Celestia shed the designer garments and both of them headed out to check on the trailer.
The pair of ponies admired the fully packed trailer of boxes for a moment, before Celestia spoke, “Wow, your fashion business seems to be picking up quite nicely.”
“I would never have had time to complete all my work lately, if you hadn’t helped me improve my skills in magic. We certainly had some splendid times. I am oh so looking forward to our lesson tomorrow.” Rarity had a sweet, eager look in her eyes.
“Yes, I can’t wait to show you some new techniques.” A purple hoof was brought up to massage her temple.
Rarity looked introspective. “It’s a mixed blessing dear; being famous. I am most pleased with the desire for my designs, but I have less time for personal endeavors. This being so, I try to stitch work and pleasure together.”
“Seems logical to me.” Is she trying to hint at something here?
“You would put it that way Twilight, always so logical and orderly.” Rarity gave a sly smile to the violet unicorn.
Are Twilight and Rarity... involved? Celestia pondered with growing discomfort. This is getting weird. I am not pretending to be attracted to the Element of Generosity.
“Well it was nice helping you out, but I have an experiment to attend to. I’m already late, so...” Celestia was gone in a flash.
“She seemed a little odd,” Rarity remarked towards Opal, as the shipping trailer took off toward the sky.
***
“Spike. Are you okay?”
The baby dragon lay in a hospital bed, with a cast on his tail and bandages around an arm and head. Outside the window, the sky was darkening with the sun's final retreat below the horizon.
“...Aghh... if I was okay, would I still be lying here? Why... why did you do this to me, then leave?” Spike's voice was quiet and full of pain, but it was obvious he was pouring on the drama a bit.
“There is no way I could have done this; I was at Rarity’s.” I mean there was that one fiasco when I was sleepwalking and woke up on top of that casino in Los Pegasus, but this time I was definitely with Rarity. “I’m glad you’re well enough to make sarcastic remarks.”
Spike cringed at the mention of his crush. “If you weren't at the library, then why did a manic purple unicorn, with your cutie mark, bust down the laboratory door and trample me? You’re telling me you came in after this look alike, found me, and had nothing to do with this?”
“Those are both logical questions. I’ll get back to you on those, but I’m going back to the lab first.” This day has been getting more ridiculous by the minute. Why do the Elements of Harmony always attract so much... disarray?
Celestia sauntered towards the door and spoke in a whisper, “What are you up to, my faithful student?”
“What was that Twi...”
Spike cringed as a scroll forced him to painfully belch. After settling himself, Twilight’s assistant began reading out loud.
“Dear Twilight Sparkle.
Where politics are concerned, everything seems more complicated than it needs to be. Remember that I am doing what I feel is best for everypony. My actions recently may have brushed a few coats the wrong way, and I feel something is brewing on the horizon. In positions of power, it is hard to know who to trust. Sometimes I wish there was somepony to make these tough decisions for me.
Just some digressions I wished to share with my favorite pupil. I hope all is well in Ponyville.
Princess Celestia.
PS: Speaking of those you can trust, I hope your number one assistant is doing well.”
“Well that was an interesting letter. Do you think she expects a response?” Spike had a look of puzzlement on his face. Something... no, a lot of things, just don’t add up. Twilight knows I like Rarity and she rarely neglects experiments, and now she is getting a weird letter from the Princess. Plus, how in the hay did she buck all those trees?
“I’ll take care of that from here. You just get some rest, my number one assistant. I'll come back when I need the response sent.” Spike seemed to relax at this, and handed over the letter.
“Yeah... you go take care of that, but I have questions when you get back.” I have my own investigations to attend to.
Celestia hobbled into the hallway, meeting a strong scent of antiseptic. The scent one always gets overwhelmed by in a hospital. She rounded the corner and met the eyes of a concerned yellow pegasus. Fluttershy squeaked in surprise. She was carrying some flowers and a huge bunch of balloons. The bundle of balloons tied around her waist was nearly lifting her off the ground.
“H... how is he?” Fluttershy stuttered.
“He’s awake now. He looks like he will be just fine.”
“You... you must be relieved.” The words seemed to release all the muscles in the shy pegasus, who had clearly been more stressed than Celestia.
“I am. You can go in and see him if you want.” No wonder Photo Finish picked her. She's so adorable when she's all meek and worried.
“Th... thanks.” Fluttershy half floated half scuffled through the door with her hooves barely contacting the white tile. When she was out of sight, Celestia noticed a small white bunny staring at her. As the small rabbit’s gaze bore down on her, they both had a realization.
Pink magic sprouted from Twilight’s horn, allowing the two beings to understand one and other. After a few minutes, Angel and Celestia shook hooves and paws. Celestia quietly opened the door to allow Angel Bunny to slip in after his caretaker.
Well, that takes care of the Carrots. I would call it even now. Who knew rabbits could be such good negotiators.
***
Celestia found herself passing through the heart of Ponyville once again, reading a small scroll of paper.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Where politics are concerned, everything seems more complicated than it needs to be. I sense some politicians are purely driven by bits. Were you aware of this? Of course you are! You always have a plan. I am doing what I feel is best for everypony, but I fear I am making some enemies. I feel I’m almost at the bottom of whatever is brewing on the horizon. I’m not sure I am qualified for this and I don’t know who to trust. I wish you were here, but you’re needed in Ponyville.
I finally figured out how to send you coded letters, but I may have upset a few random dragons along the way. Keep a lookout in Ponyville for a while. Dragons may not be the only threat.
Perhaps you could point me in the right direction. That is, if you wouldn’t mind.
Twilight Sparkle.
PS: Speaking of those you can trust, how is my number one assistant? I would tell him our secret soon. I trust him completely. Also, please take care of ‘her’ for me. Oh, and see if you can close the portal I made in the Everfree Forest.
Celestia finished the magically altered letter on her way back to the library, setting it on fire afterword. This version of the letter sent her mind swimming with questions. Celestia smiled a little. Welcome to politics, my faithful student. I made the same mistakes my first time with the instant message spell too, but what do you mean, take care of “her?” I don’t even know who she is.
Celestia stopped for a moment. Does she mean take care of Rarity?
***
Back at the library, the door to Twilight’s underground lab lay in pieces. This is where her assistant had been found. There were deep hoof marks visible in the wood. Somepony or something had obviously burst out of the basement in a hurry. There were no signs of horse shoes on whatever had made the hoof marks.
What in Tartarus could have done this? Even an earth pony would likely be in pain from leaving this kind of damage.
Celestia's little unicorn heart skipped a beat. "Speaking of Tartarus..." A ring of purple magic formed around the scene. This was no simple detection spell. This was an entire compendium of detection spells cast together. Detection of evil, detection of other worldly horrors, every known hoofed beast of Tartarus, chaos, daemon, ghosts, and ghouls.
Celestia moved through the gaping entry with caution. The rippling edge of the spell matrix crept forward with her every hoof step and expanded to cover the walls and ceiling as she passed the doorway. She made her way down the steps, her legs shook from the earlier strain on the farm.
The scene at the base of the steps set the princess on edge. Natural light was replaced by overhead lighting. The furniture of the every day pony was replaced by metal lab tables and complicated equipment. Scattered everywhere were gears, armatures, glowing stones, assortments of liquids in beakers and test tubes, along with other intricate parts and components. Scribbled notes and books spilled over the edges of any available flat spaces, while diagrams and equations lined the walls.
Celestia let out a sigh of relief, finding no signs of mal intent or evil abominations that had been birthed within the depths of her student's home. She did however, find traces of many restricted magics that would have most of the Mages Arcanum of her School For Gifted Unicorns throwing a fit.
As the Princess scanned the room, a sense of unease was building in her gut. This mess wasn’t merely left by some sloppy researcher. Somepony was searching for something. Some of the sketches on the wall had been torn down, many drawers lay open. Some shelves were unhooked from the wall and thrown to the floor with enough force to splinter the wood.
What had caused the entity such distress to wreak such a havoc? Anger? Despair?
An open notebook on a desk caught her eye and she quickly moved towards it. Celestia jumped in surprise. In her haste, she had accidently kicked some broken glass that was strewn around the base of the desk. She dropped her scanning magic and deposited the shards into a box nearby, before finally taking a look at the date and title in the notebook.
Oct 28th Project 352: TSR
Based on my calculations, she should have enough magic charge to power on by 3:20 tomorrow. I must be there to supervise!
It's going to be so fun to “teach” her.
Celestia wasn’t sure what to make of this and flipped to a few earlier dates.
Oct 20th Project 352: TSR
Unfortunately, not all the data and protocols could be transferred to her memory in the inactive state. For now, I was only able to give her my basic Identity.
Oct 12 Project 352: TSR
Finally, a sufficient energy source. Yes, the sample I obtained from the place called "The Crystal Scar" should do nicely. As long as it... no, as long as she. The pronoun seems appropriate now that I’m so close. As long as she doesn't completely drain her magic, everything should be fine. If not, there's only a 13 percent chance of violent explosion and a twenty-three percent chance of implosion.
Celestia flipped to what seemed to be the first entry. The rest of the title was globbed with ink.
July 4th Experiment 352 Twilight Sparkle...
After the many close calls, and all the dangers I have faced with the Elements of Harmony, I have realized how fragile this existence is. It would be a shame to lose all I have worked for and studied. Who would wield the Element of Magic in my stead?
Books, like flesh, don’t last. Except maybe the tomb of everlasting charms or the royal family. So maybe that isn't the best quote—
“Whatcha doin’?”
Celestia jumped around in surprise. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo stood staring at her expectantly.
Are these ninja fillies? After the initial surprise, Celestia returned to the notebook. Next to it, lay a stack of scrolls and books, including all her student's friendship reports.
“I’m studying an experiment on the—”
“It took forever for us to find you,” Sweetie Belle interrupted.
“Uh huh.” Celestia continued to pursue any information in and around the desk, only picking up phrases and words from the fillies. The mysteries of Twilight Sparkle's experiments a much higher priority than indulging children.
Scootaloo timidly spoke up, growing nervous at the surroundings. “So... we heard that you know a time travel spell and we were wondering if you could teach Sweetie Belle.”
“Sure, whatever you say little one.” Who are these fillies? I only recognize Applejack’s sister.
“Do you Pinkie Promise?”
“Yes, I saw Pinkie Pie earlier today, now would you please leave me to my studies,” Celestia replied, misinterpreting the question.
“YAY! Cutie Mark Crusader Time Turners are a go!” The shrill scream caused Celestia’s purple ears to perk up.
Cutie Mark Crusaders... CMC! ‘Time Turners?’ Uh oh.
Twilight’s figure turned to the three excited girls. “I actually can’t—”
“EVER break a Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie Pie poked up from the desk behind her. Considering the desk was against a wall, it should have been impossible.
“But I can’t give—”
“Never!” Pinkie Pie bore down again.
“Fine!” It’s not like this filly can cast that kind of spell anyway. Pinkie could do well in pony special forces, Celestia thought.
After reviewing the highly dangerous magic with the children, Celestia waved off the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Now don't forget to get that letter delivered to Canterlot as per our agreement for me teaching you!"
Finally, after the fillies had gone, Celestia could finally get down to business. The bath that followed was the most fulfilling bath she had in countless years, which was followed by an early bed rest. Celestia didn’t go to sleep too early. After all, she had to reserve time to read the diary. The diary of a certain student Pinkie Pie revealed the location of.
As she ran a hoof over the cover of her Dearest Student's confessions, Celestia could clearly picture the basement door. Now fully repaired and warded well enough to stop a dragon. I have to get to know My Little Star better, if I want to survive the next few days.
A light creamy yellow earth pony with a blue and pink mane sat alone at a cafe table. Resting on the long cushioned seat, a hefty stack of books lay beside the image of three wrapped sweets on her flank. Some of the titles read Politics for Dummies, Diarchy Republics and You, and So You Want To Rule?
The mare looked over an unfolded newspaper with mild pleasure as several royal guards passed by the window, galloping off down the street.
Finally, I get some peace and relative solitude.
The mare returned her gaze to her reading material. Hidden behind an issue of Equestria Daily was another book. Spelling Secrets: Espionage is Magic.
As the tail end of the squad of guards passed the café, a guard clad in purple and gold armor peeled off from the group. His horn was glowing and his head moved to and fro, as he moved back up the street. He was making his way towards Doughnut Joe’s Pastries.
The reading mar's ears perked up to the chime of the bell above the café entrance. The place was relatively packed, but the patrons became silent at the sight of a fully armored palace guard. They promptly continued on as if it were a normal sight.
“Hey!”
“Why I never!”
A few customers uttered in annoyance as they were enveloped in magic and lifted off their seats.
“Official royal business, do not be alarmed,” the guard said with a professional tone. Most tried to ignore the disturbance. The white stallion made his way to each table in search of something. They finally came to a stop in front of the lone reading mare.
“May I have a seat here?” He asked. This must be her, he thought. Now I just need to get her to spill it. How clever of her to come ‘here’ at this time of day. He pictured tying the mare up and carrying her out the door before she knew what hit her, but quickly pushed the daydream from his mind. This job is really turning me more devious by the day.
The cream colored mare pretended to be engrossed in her reading, waving a hoof in a welcoming gesture, before the stallion took a seat across from her. Oh horseapples, how did they find me so fast? Maybe he doesn’t know yet.
“Hey there, Shining Armor. Lost her again, have we?” A light brown stallion gave a soft chuckle. He wore a white apron and a shirt with a single red stripe around the waist.
“Oh I wouldn’t say that, Joe. I have a feeling she's gotta be close.” The guard gave joe a quick wink, not bothering to hide it at all.
The mare at the table ducked almost imperceptivity further behind the newspaper.
“I’m glad a dedicated pony like you is protecting us city folk, even if some are not so enthusiastic about a big brother watching over us. Anyway, what’ll it be today sir?” The proprietor asked, pulling out a small notebook.
“I’ll have what she’s having. That is, whatever she did have.” A white hoof indicated the empty cups and plates of crumbs. If it is her, I know exactly what she will order.
“So that would be tea, coffee, and two vanilla glaze and rainbow sprinkled doughnuts, with raspberry filling.” The order was taken down and Shining looked as though he had expected something else. Joe began clearing the plates with his magic and started for the kitchen.
“I’ll have another pair of donuts well,” said the mare before he was out of earshot.
Doughnut joe turned back to the table. “That would be your eighth, haven’t you had enough miss?...”
“Bon Bon.” The pony seemed slightly agitated. “Can’t a mare indulge herself once in awhile?” I’ve kind of had a sweets craving lately. What is with Celestia's body.
“Sure you can, especially if you’re Celestia,” Doughnut Joe said nonchalantly.
“What is that supposed to mean?” she said, still keeping the paper up, but turning to listen with great interest.
Joe took a deep breath. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Shining probably already knows, and you don’t look like one to spread rumors. That is, I haven't seen you before. The regulars tend to gossip.”
Playing dumb are we? I’ll play your game ‘Bon Bon,’ Shining thought, as he removed his armor with his magic and placed it beside him. He took a seat, crossed his hooves.
Doughnut Joe continued in a slightly hushed voice. “That bundle of nerves comes in here late at night, ordering piles of pastries and tea, unloading all the stresses of work. I just wonder where she packs it all. I mean seriously, she nearly cleans me out.”
“What does she talk about? I mean, why do you think she does that?” said Twilight. Celestia is so calm, when I’m around. What could be bothering the most powerful being in this Equestria?
“I've mostly learned to drown her out, but I do pick up a lot about Twilight Sparkle. She talks about how she wishes she had more time off to spend with her, and that running a country is such a pain in the flank. She tries to make new friends, but they either just pretend to be friendly so they can influence the government, or they're scared out of their mind.”
Doughnut Joe plopped beside Shining Armor, who shied away from the greasy pastry chef.
“I miss the days when that nerdy purple filly came here with all her books. She kept me company on many a late night. But hey, you don’t see me letting myself go and I own this fat flank joint.” Some nearby customers instinctively looked down at their furry bellies, some blushed with shame.
“That was a while back, when this joint was going under, but once one of your regulars becomes The Element of Magic and ‘Saviour of Equestria,’ business tends to pick up. I owe a lot of thanks to that filly, and to Celestia during those—”
“Hey Joe! What’s the holdup?” a customer yelled impatiently.
“Pipe down, I’ll get your order in a minute.” Joe leaned in closer to the table and made a poor excuse of a hushed whisper behind his hoof. "He could use the wait, more like a few months’ wait, and some exercise."
Twilight slightly lowered the paper during Joe’s explanation, and the mare’s cheeks flushed slightly red as Doughnut Joe had brought up his hooves to air quote, ‘savior of Equestria.’ What did Celestia have to do with it
Shining Armor took mental note of the blush.
Joe looked over the crowd, picking up more impatient glares. “I’d be glad to tell you more, but I need to fill some orders first. I see that you also came to enjoy Twilight’s favorite doughnut.”
“My, err Twilight’s favorite?” She looked around in surprise, and noticed almost everypony had at least one of the same rainbow-sprinkled pastries.
“Have you been living in a dragon cave? After she got all famous, I have had to make dozens upon dozens of these vanilla raspberry filled sweets. I’m just glad Twilight liked such a simple doughnut.” Joe hustled away into the kitchen.
As soon as the shop owner left, Shining Armor turned to the mare and spoke with an air of determination, “So, your name is Bon Bon, and where does Ms. Bon Bon hail from?”
Just act natural. You can do this. “Ponyville.”
“And what does one like yourself do, in Ponyville?” She has to slip up eventually.
“Most of the time I hang out with my friend Lyra Heartstrings.”
“NO! I mean for a job. Shining rubbed the side of his head. Sorry for yelling, I got the chills.”
Chills, yeah right. My brother always gets like this when he gets anxious about something. “As for my job...” What the hay does she do? All she does is spend time with that human obsessed mare. She looked down at her flank for inspiration. “I sell sweets, door to door.”
The Guard Captain crossed his hooves on the table. Damn, thought I had her with that one. “Being a door to door salespony pays the bills?”
In the snootiest voice she could muster, she said, “No, not really, but I get lots of time to lounge in the park. Not that it is any of your business, but a better wage is what I’m here for.” The fake aggravated voice paid off as their little conversation gathered a few listeners. Just a little more time. Cadence always told me I had a way of pushing my brother’s buttons.
Shining was far too focused to notice the eavesdroppers as he continued his interrogation. “So where do you work around here?”
“Look! If you must know, I just got accepted to work at the castle as part of the serving staff. I would like to finish the paper before training starts. Is it lawful for royal guards to go around interrogating innocent citizens about their personal affairs!” Nearly half of the café was engaged now. A few guards entered and joined the audience too.
“Now, you look!” Shining Armor shook the table with a stamp of his front hooves. “We both know how this is going to end. I know who you really are and I’m running out of patience. I’m just doing my job. Besides, you haven't even been reading that paper.”
Twilight recited a number of titles from the paper, surprising the stallion a little. “If you know then why are you getting so worked up? Who do you think I am?” The mare said more than loud enough.
Shining Armor's face grew red, then a sly smile crossed his muzzle. You lose this time. You made too many mistakes. “If you’re about to work on the serving staff, name somepony on the serving staff?”
“Easy, Porcelain Pot and Silver Platter.” Really, that was your next best question?
“HA! Hahah. You may have fooled me by not becoming depressed at the sight of my sister’s favorite pastry, pretending to be ignorant during Joe’s little history lesson, and you even had a good reason for being in Canterlot, what with your fake friends and jobs, but that is where this game of cat and mouse ends!”
Twilight scanned the crowd and her enraged brother. Perhaps I over did it? He seems like he’s about to lose it. I just wanted him to leave.
Shining quietly clapped his hooves. “I applaud you for your most elaborate backstory yet, but who reads books about ruling a kingdom and espionage?” But wait, you already know about that material. Why re-read that now? The stallion looked a little confused, but still determined. Any second now she will admit it and we can get out of here.
“I... I just wanted to be... be informed about the ruling structure and I wanted to be prepared for spies, so I... I could protect the princesses... you're scaring me.” He does have a good point about the books. If Rainbow Dash wasn’t suspecting every new pony of being a spy, I probably wouldn't’ have given the book a second thought. I can still pull this off. Just bring on those fake tears like your filly days.
“Playing the Sacred Innocent card huh? How do you know the names of Celestia’s personal servants on day one? Only trusted servants of two years of service even meet them. The only way you would know those names is if you were Celestia.” Those forced sobs, that look, and that breathing pattern are so... familiar.
The crying ceased and an awkward nervous look appeared on Twilight’s disguised face. “Well... um... I... can explain” How did he get so good. He always fell for that fake cry.
The worried look on the mare before him struck another alarm in Shining’s mind. He used a telepathic spell to signal the nearby guards. “Go ahead and try to explain yourself.”
Everypony in the restaurant was on the edge of their seats, as though they were at the climax of a Daring Do radio broadcast. It turned dead silent as the last few customers even stopped mid bite or mid chew. A doughnut rolled off the belly of a particularly fat patron, before wobbling to a halt at Doughnut Joe’s hooves. The baker levitated the sweet off the tile floor, rolling it over in his magical grasp, soaking in the awkward scene before breaking the silence.
“So what’s the hubbub, bub?” Joe asked, leaning against the table and eying the captain.
Before Shining Armor could answer Joe’s inquiry, the crowd turned wild, as wild as a bunch of snooty rich folks can get anyway.
“This Shining fellow has caused this poor pony to cry,” a stallion snorted.
“That gruff guard is grating on this innocent mare. It gives me a ghastly feeling in my gut,” another stallion adjusted his monocle as he spoke.
“Are you two serious? She is obviously a spy!” A third stallion with a tuxedo and a black bow tie broke in.
“No way, you heard her, she just needs bits to help support her secret relationship with that Lyra.” A mare, with what looked like a Bulbous Bouffant mane style, raised a few strange looks and whispers from her comment.
“When is the government going to stay out of everypony’s business? Also, you betta get me a bucket,” uttered a fat stallion with a streak of frosting down his front.
“Yeah, down with ‘The Man!’” Everypony just stared in confusion at the fellow who said that.
Twilight recognized the subtle message spell her brother had cast from the book she had been reading. Taking advantage of the distraction, she had packed all the books into a pair of saddlebags. Just as she began to charge a teleportation spell, Shining Armor turned, swept the the newspaper off the table and shoved it over the mare’s head. The crowd was still in a heated discussion, sparked by ‘The Man’ comment and the mention of spies.
“My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, heard from this stallion who knows this filly, who's going out with a mare who saw a man once.”
“What was it like?” An intrigued customer asked.
“Well, they wear clothes all the time, and only have a tuft of hair on their head. Other than that, they are just pink fleshy creatures that walk on two legs.”
“That’s not scary. That just sounds like a hairless minotaur.”
“I heard they can fly around in big metal machines that can spray smaller hunks of metal at their foes.”
A young stallion got up from his seat. “So, we have two alicorns that can fly, without the help from machines and could rain death from above with their superior magic bolts.”
“Yeah but humans do it all... without magic.” The crowd gasped. “They could be watching us right now from the stars. Any moment they could blow us all up with little red buttons.”
“Oh please, now you’re just making things up,” A mare with a fancy mane style waved off the ridiculous claims.
There was a large flash from Twilight’s abrupt teleportation, which momentarily broke the discussion in the room about humans, spies, and questionable pony relationships.
“Hey! Where did she go?”
“Do you think she was a human spy?”
“No, I don’t know if they have females.”
***
That was close...
Twilight reappeared in the alley where she had donned her disguise earlier that day. She hadn't run any significant distance, but was panting from the excitement none the less. All she had wanted was some time alone to read, relax, and eat lunch. That had been all but impossible in the Palace. What with the guards, servants, and nobles constantly bothering her.
If I had known it would be that much trouble I would have...
Her thoughts were cut off by three bright lights of teleportation. “Just give it up.” Shining Armor stood at the alley entrance, backed by two more guards.
“This doesn't make any sense. How did you know? How did you track my magic trail, and why does the royal guard have to shadow the princesses all the time?” The act was over, but Twilight didn’t drop the disguise.
“I had my suspicions when I noticed the neatly stacked books. Most earth ponies can’t hold and stack books that neatly without magic, plus your hooves were too clean.”
He held up the newspaper she had been reading. It now bore a horn sized hole. "Not that this was necessary for your conviction, but it proves that you were never an earth pony and you most likely cast that teleportation spell. Few disguise spells can hide a horn while using magic. If I had a horn that big, I don’t think I could hide it either.”
Shining Armor had a hardened look on his muzzle as he moved in on Twilight.
“As for how we found you, goddesses tend to have bigger magical trails, which are harder to hide. It’s like trying to contain a dragon in a hat box.”
The three stallions marched closer.
“Third. Before Luna became Nightmare Moon, she suggested that guards always accompany important figures, that way they could not be replaced with imposters. Luna may not be able to make any laws post her banishment, but any decrees prior still hold true.”
The sturdy white stallion and his two reinforcements were right in her face. He suddenly smiled and said, “I guess I finally win one. Let’s get back to the castle before you draw too much attention.”
Wow, my brother has gotten really good. Twilight reluctantly admitted to herself.
His relaxed posture and smile set Twilight at ease. This just made it all the more surprising when he pounced on her. Before she could process the assault, three restraining auras washed over her body. Her Bon Bon façade faded away and the guards pinned her to the stone backing of the alleyway by her wings. "I should have seen that coming."
“You would have known all of what I just told you, and you would have dogged me... If you were the real Celestia!” His horn glowed, but this latest spell seemingly did nothing.
Shining looked to both his guards, and back to the helpless disheveled alicorn.
“I had a number of theories about what was happening here. That spell should have rid you of any magic to make you appear as Celestia. That leaves the possibility that a creature Luna described as a Changeling, is using an ability to appear as Celestia. That, or I’m going to be charged with treason for attacking a royal family member.”
The guard captain nodded to his two compatriots and they charged up two battle spells. Shining charged a different magic of his own. Twilight braced for the end. She didn’t bother trying to struggle. At least Celestia can live on in my form and there is still ‘her.’
A bright green flash spilled out from the alley. Twilight felt the pressure of hooves on her wings lift and the magic restraints dissolved away. Something he had done drained all her strength and her limp, but conscious form slid down the wall to the cobbled ground.
The white stallion faced away, with a beaten look on his face. “My last theory was that you were a certain special filly in my life, but that... is ridiculous. Well, I'll surely be sent to jail soon, or maybe the moon. I’m sorry my little LSBFF, I guess... I guess I’ll be missing you for a while.”
“I’m not a changeling and I’m not your little filly anymore... BBBFF,” she whispered. He’s gotten really good... and scary. “You also forgot your armor at Joe’s place.”
“But... she... I... how long...” It looked as though Shining Armor was about to turn around, but instead fell to the ground, out cold.
“Uh sir?” The two Guards said in unison.
When the guards were staring at their leader, Twilight felt a little energy returning to her. Two quick red flashes in the alleyway and the guards wobbled a little, dazzed and confused.
“What are you standing there for? Shining Armor just saved us all and you two are sitting there dumbstruck. Help him and I back to the castle.” Chapter four: a good spy always knows a good memory spell, Twilight recalled. She didn’t have the heart to wipe out her brother’s memory, and his will score was probably too high anyway.
***
Back at Doughnut Joe’s, a dirty light brown stallion, with buck teeth and a turnip hat, slipped on a set of purple and gold armor. His legs shook under the sheer weight of the leather and steel.
“Hey boss, I’m da Capi-tan of the Royal Guard. Fear me,” he chuckled.
Doughnut Joe threw a mop in his face. “A.C. Turnip Truck. The only thing I’m going to fear is the flank whipping you’re gonna get from me and Shining Armor if you don’t take that off and get to work!”
***
To be continued.
Chapter 5 (Part Two): Trust Issues and Dirty Politics
Chapter 5 (Part two of two): Trust Issues & Dirty Politics
(Twilight)
***
Twilight reread the tome in front of her after her message spell failed for the fifth time. She didn't know where the letters were going, only that they were not getting to Spike like she had wanted. After finishing the page, she realized there was some fine print at the very bottom.
It read, “If you don’t think of a target to send your message, letters may be transported to a random dragon within range of your spell.”
Oh, so you’re supposed to think of a target dragon when sending a letter by magic.
“Oops.”
***
A white stallion rolled around in a set of ivory bed sheets. The curtain that hung from the ceiling had been pulled around the bed, which was butted up against the wall. A generic framed picture of some Zappapple jam in a jar, lay above the head of the bed frame. The stallion’s constant tossing and turning had kicked the covers away, revealing the image of a dark purple shield and four stars on his flank.
He mumbled in his restless slumber. His body jolted briefly, before he groggily shifted around. Shining Armor lay on his side as he pulled the curtains back, facing the door. His eyes slowly opened, blinking a bit to adjust to the light.
“Oh my aching head. What happened?”
“Thank goodness you’re awake brother. You fainted and hit your head pretty hard.” He heard a voice from behind him.
The guard Captain smiled. “You know, Twily, you didn’t need to come all the way to Canterlot to see me.” He kept his eye on the door, a habit of paranoia.
Twilight giggled softly, doing her best to match her normal voice. “I just happened to be in the area. Besides, it’s been ages since I have seen my BBBFF.” She lay her white head across Shining’s neck and wrapped a gold clad hoof over his back.
“Wow, you sure have grown a lot.”
“You could say that,” she chuckled, moving her muzzle up his neck, and giving a playful lick on the cheek.
“Oh Twi... lestia!” He jumped up, throwing the princess off of him. He scampered frantically up to the head of the bed until he was pressed firmly against the wall. His chest rapidly rose and fell from hyperventilating, his forelegs out in front of him.
Twilight lost her balance and fell backwards, landing on her rump with an “umph.”
“What’s going on here? What have you done with my sister?”
“Shiny, it’s me. Don’t you remember, or did you get amnesia too?” Twilight said, rolling her magenta eyes. "Sorry, I just wanted to pull a little prank."
“That... that was a dream. Celestia wouldn’t er, maybe she, I mean you would. I don’t know what to think anymore!” Shining threw up his arms in despair.
Twilight rose and slowly approached the panicked stallion. “Just calm down. I can explain everything.”
Each time she stepped forward, Shining backed up further, until he fell off the side of the bed. Soon he backed into the corner by the door.
“This is madness! This isn't happening.” He formed a pink barrier which enveloped the corner of the room.
Twilight stopped. Her expression full of concern. “Why are you so uptight? Just calm down already!”Right, like saying that has ever worked on me before.
After a few minutes of waiting outside the barrier, it was obvious Shining wasn't letting her in. Breaking through her brother's barriers was nothing new. One of the reasons he was able to further master his shield matrices, was by challenging Twilight to analyze it's weaknesses. Normally she would analyze each layer of his spell and collapse them one by one.
Nearing the time she left Canterlot for Ponyville, breaking Shining's barriers could take her hours. This time, however, Twilight was curious about a using her new power for a more direct approach.
Twilight closed her eyes. The sunlight through the window seemed to absorb into her coat and strengthen her magic. A lance of golden magic materialized in front of her, the light particles gathered to form a deadly sharp needle. The tip of the spell clinked against Shining's barrier, eliciting a nervous cackle from her brother. Twilight refined the point even further. The tip so sharp that it seamed to taper into thin air.
This time, when the spell pressed against the outer matrix, she could feel it simply pass through. The layers of counter rotation failed he had placed, failed. A layer of immense heat and another of cold, failed. The needle passed through all eight matrices with less resistance than paper. All Twilight had to do next was expand the needle's radius and casually walk up to the terrified stallion. Wow, Celestia’s magic is strong. I could perform so many new spells in this body... Focus Twilight, brother is having a nervous breakdown.
Shining was shaking herder than ever. His bastion ignored by the alicorn before him. Twilight didn’t know what to do besides rush up and give him a hug. The surprise embrace caused the remains of magic barrier to shoot across the room, pushing everything into the walls. The large clattering symphony could be heard in the halls throughout the hospital wing.
Twilight held on tighter. “You were there when I magically lifted my first book, and flew my first kite... remember? You snuck into my room when you heard me having nightmares to guard me from the monsters. Mom would get mad at you for falling asleep at breakfast the next morning.”
There was silence for a few moments, before he finally returned the embrace. “Twily, I'm sorry...”
“No, im the one who should be sorry,” Twilight said in an exasperated tone. "I shouldn't have teased you like that. I don't know what got into me?"
“He, he, yeah... don't worry about it. But you have a lot of explaining to do,” he said as he canceled his shield spell. The furniture that had been mashed into the walls, finally slid back to the floor.
During the ruckus, neither had noticed the door opening. “I’ll say you do.” A pink alicorn stood in the doorway with a furious look on her face.
Nurse Joy Center, who had accompanied the irate princess, now stood dumbstruck at the destruction of the room. The site of the Sun Princess with Shining Armor in her tight embrace on the floor, only adding to her confusion.
The pair of perplexed ponies were joined by a pegasus, who tossed a scroll onto the brother and sister. “Here is the weekly council summons.” He stopped to take in the scene for just a moment. “I don’t want to know, too busy to care,” he nonchalantly said, before zipping away.
Twilight and Shining armor were frozen in place, still holding each other tightly. They just stared in surprise at the two at the door.
“Well?” Cadence all but demanded, tapping impatiently with a hoof.
The captain and the princess pushed off each other, simultaneously expelling an awkward chuckle. The door slammed in the pink princess’ face with a duo of gold and pink magic.
“What do we do now?” asked Twilight, as the door was getting bombarded by spells, hooves, and screaming.
“I don’t know Twily, but we better do something before she figures out she could just teleport in here.” She never thinks clearly when she’s angry. That can be a good thing and a bad thing.
Celestia’s form took on a look of concentration. Suddenly, the objects in the room began to rearrange themselves. In a few seconds, all was back to the way it was.
“That’s great, but I don’t see where this is going,” Shining said curtly.
“Now you get back in bed,” Twilight said hurriedly.
“Okay... wait. Are you thinking of... I can't wipe Cadence’s memory.” The captain shook his head.
“Why, because she’s a princess?” I can't belive I'm thinking of memory wiping a princess! I hope this power isn’t getting to me?
“Yes, let’s go with that.” His tone was not the least bit convincing.
Twilight moved closer to the door. “Fine, I’ll do it then. You open the door.”
“NO! I will do it,” He said frantically.
“HONEY IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT...” Cadence could be heard from the other side.
Twilight and Shining released the door. Cadence and the nurse only had a second, before being struck by Shining Armor’s memory spell. They both stood with a dazed look on their mugs.
“How nice of you and Celestia to come visit me, but it really isn’t necessary,” The white stallion said, grinning like an idiot.
“I... um.” Cadence shook her head free of the sudden haze. “Nonsense, I always have time for you.” She started toward the bed when a crinkle under her hoof caught her attention. “What is this scroll doing on the ground? It’s seal says it’s for you.” She had a suspicious look in her eye as she floated it over to the sun princess.
Twilight read the scroll aloud.
This is a summons notice for the weekly council meeting. The meeting will be at the Main Conference Chamber at the usual time. In the event Shining Armor has recovered sufficiently to appear, he will be expected to report on the incident of earlier this day.
All the best,
Department of Royal Affairs
“Oh how exciting!?” she said, before rolling up the scroll.
Cadence chuckled. “I almost didn’t catch the sarcasm that time, Celestia. Well I guess you had better get going. I’ll keep ‘Shiny’ here company,” she said, nuzzling against the Captain's coat.
Twilight looked aghast. “Sarcastic? I'm never sarcastic about work.” Celestia took her work seriously, didn't she? What is with Cadence acting so... close to my brother?
Cadence let out a short burst of laughter, before composing herself. “Sorry, you’re killing me Auntie. I suppose I'll see you later. Those meetings are too much for me.”
“Wait! I'm going with you!” The patient threw off his head wrapping and slipped from the covers to follow the white alicorn out the door.
“Where do you think you're going? I don’t care how important you all are. Mr. Armor here has sustained a hard blow to the head and needs rest pending further examination. He should not be walking, let alone casting magic.” Everypony had nearly forgotten about the nurse. Her words were demanding, but her knees were shaking furiously.
Shining yielded to the complaints of the nurse and a concerned look from Cadence.
“Meet me later in the west wing of the library, alone,” said her not so big brother, looking over the shoulder of Cadence. He put a hoof to his forehead, feeling a new headache coming on. I can’t believe my little sister is in charge of the country.
“Sounds like a good plan to me. I have some questions for you anyway,” Twilight said with a scowl while pointing at the big pink alicorn in the room.
***
Twilight had never been in the Main Council Chamber before, but she did know where it was. She still remembered a vast majority of the rooms and corridors from her days of living in Canterlot. Her mental map of the shortcuts could almost allow her to pop in and out of rooms like Pinkie Pie.
Whenever she followed her mentor to her meetings, her guards would stop and station themselves by either side of a large set of double doors. These towering doors led into a grand hallway, with marble columns and a finely crafted red carpet. The carpet was adorned with depictions of the many species of Equestria, such as sea ponies, hydra, a giant turtle, and of course, all the races of the world nations. Large glass paned windows and self lighting candles lit the hall. At the end of the hallway, stood the entrance to the Main Council Chamber.
As a filly, Twilight remembered the apologetic gaze of her mentor as she explained the meeting room was for grown-ups. She often stood staring at the doors waiting for Celestia, much like a puppy. Inevitably she would fall asleep. She would pretend to stay slumbering as the Sun Princess lifted her onto her back and carried her off to bed.
Even now, she felt dwarfed in front of the large gilded doors, despite being a full grown alicorn, and leader of the nation.
“Oh this is so exciting,” she whispered. No matter how much I read and studied about Equestrian affairs, I have never been allowed in. Tantrums didn’t work either. This time however...
She was just about to open one of the doors, when she heard some voices inside. That’s weird. Stone Wall did say I was earlier than the usual time. Well, I hate to eavesdrop, but I really want to try this new spell. Twilight paused to look behind her for any spectators. Who is going to stop me anyway?
Twilight gave a soft chuckle, before bypassing the magical sound barriers on the door.
“No matter what happens at this meeting, tonight we will meet in the third hidden chamber of the east wing of the library.” It sounded like a relatively average male voice.
“What time should I meet you there?” A second speaker could be heard asking from behind the doors. It must have been from a larger being, judging by the sound of it’s deeper tone.
“At 8:00. Now quiet, she'll be here any minute now. Are you ready?”
“Yes, just sit down.”
Twilight waited a few moments before entering.
The room was as breath taking as she imagined. As far as Twilight could tell, during the day the hall would be lit by sunlight through the large stained glass windows. Windows which towered several feet above most beings. During the night, magically charged crystal chandeliers emanated a bluish light which complemented the moonlight.
The tall chamber was an octagon, with wooden bleacher like seats around the walls. The image of the two princesses’ cutie marks were merged into a circular mosaic in the center of the room. Being so large, the mosaic was barely obscured by the round table and finely crafted chairs around it. The acoustics of the chamber would allow you to hear a pin drop, hence the dampening spell on the doors.
Twilight took a seat at the chair that adorned the mark on her flank. It was situated beside an absent chair marked with a crescent moon. At the other end of the table, a heavily military-decorated pony sat a few seats away from an even more fancifully adroned griffin. She easily recognized the stallion as a general of some sort, but was unsure about the griffin. These had to be the source of the two voices I just heard.
Several minutes later, the room started to gather more occupants. Being a weekly council meeting, the room was very far from packed. However, she still couldn’t recognize everypony, everygriffin, or minotaur. She noticed there were no Dragons or Diamond Dogs present, which made sense, as they did not yet extend delegates for the council. Luckily, a snooty looking unicorn sat poised and ready to sate the title of each speaker.
The Court Announcer unfurled a scroll and began. “To start off with Canterlot affairs, the Fiscal Advisor, Mr. Fancy Pants shall speak.”
A white unicorn removed his monocle and gave it a quick polish. “Your Highness, we simply don't have the funds for all this construction and retrofitting.”
“Your Highness Celestia may now respond,” said the unicorn holding the scroll behind a podium.
“Sure we do. That is, if we cut away from the military budget and restructure tax allocations. I mean, where is all that money even going? Are you practicing with gold cannonballs, equipping a secret army?” Her gaze turned to the guilty looking pony general, who promptly jumped up to defend himself.
“The Major General, Double Edge, may proceed.” He was a white unicorn stallion, like most of the guard. He had a black mane, with a few grey strands here and there. He seemed past middle-aged. His cutie mark were two swords crossing in an x, appropriate as he carried a sword on either side.
“You can’t cut funding now! Not when we're so close to... I noticed you didn't sign the war contract. I brought another, in hopes you would reconsider.”
“Your Highness Celestia may now...”
“Excuse me for a second Major General.” The purple eyes of the princess focused on the unicorn mare announcing the names. “Do you have to do that every time? Everypony knows I'm one of two princesses, and that my name is Celestia.”It felt more strange saying that than I thought.
“Look, I have one job in this lousy council! It might be stupid, but I'm going to do it, okay!”
The mare clasped a hoof to her mouth, already regretting her words. She waited for whatever severe punishment the Solar Princess would subject her to. The rest of the council at the table and the audience stood poised for Celestia’s response.
“Ughhh,” Twilight sighed and slid a hoof down her face.
Everypony thinks I'm going to destroy them.
She gently swept her off the floor and set her back up on her podium with her magic. The Court Announcer stood shaking a little, but nodded up and down slowly.
“Now, about the budget cuts. You were saying you were ‘so close to’ something before you changed the subject to the war contract.” Twilight floated a scroll over to Fancy Pants, who began to skim over it with his monocle.
“I didn’t change the subject. If you cut the funds, how will we be prepared for war?” There were gasps throughout the chamber. “I was simply saying the way the Diamond dogs are infiltrating pony and griffin lands, they must be close to invading the surface. Why waste money on dams and toilets? How do we know your little tax plan will work? Besides, how can you turn down an alliance with the Griffin Empire, let alone all those potential gem resources?”
Fancy Pants interjected, adjusting his monocle. “Actually Major General, I'm looking over Celestia’s notes on the tax budget plan, and it appears solid. We may be able to gather all the funds we need for the projects in a few years, without raising taxes on the working class. The new projects would also create a lot of new jobs. I fancy the name Canterlot Conservation Corps,” Mr. Pants continued silently reading the scroll and Twilight took over again.
“I don’t feel that forming friendships in the face of violence is appropriate. Wouldn't you agree?” She looked straight at the griffin general a few seats away.
The court annoncer glanced at Twilight, who nodded for her to continue. “The Legatus Legionis, also known as Legion Commander Swift Claw, may proceed.”
The griffin shuffled his wings, before speaking. “I can understand your position your highness, but who knows when Emperor Razor Wing will extend his claw again? With our aid at the borderlands, our lines would be impenetrable.”
The Solar Princess sighed in slight annoyance. “The Diamond Dogs are hardly equipped to take on our forces, even now. They are a relatively neutral race. What are they going to do with sickles, hammers, and rock picks, against armored unicorns and pegasi?” I barely have a clue about the Diamond Dog military forces, but the crowd seems to buy it.
General Double got up from his chair and began pacing around the table. “What do you know of war? You just know these walls. Sure we could defend the castle, but then they could just regroup and attack again. We need to get in those caves and flush them out!”
Double Edge looked pleased at the seed of panic he had planted amongst the politicians. The crowd was restless as the white stallion continued his rant.
“Celestia may be able to stand by while leaving this country vulnerable, but we can still overrule her signature in a vote. So, raise a hoof to a new alliance and preservation of our lands!” General Double took his seat while the vote proceeded.
The count was done, and exactly half the room had raised a leg, then one more.
The Major General is right about one thing, I know nothing of war tactics... however.
“According to voting rules, there are ten minutes before the vote closes. A tie means the document stands.” I'm so glad I read all those books on royal proceedings.
“You don’t have another vote Princess. You have lost.”
“What would violence get anypony? Aren't you suspicious as to why he so determined to start a war?” Twilight’s words caused a few to avoid her gaze, but paranoia was winning the crowd.
He can’t just be after the gems? I couldn’t live with knowing I failed to stop a war. Celestia would never forgive me for letting her little ponies come to harm.
Twilight spotted Luna sitting quietly in a set of bleachers nearby and got an idea.
“Ha... ha ha ha.”
“What is so funny, Your Highness?” The aged stallion looked slightly intimidated.
“Sorry, it’s just that I have been around for thousands of years, and you don’t think I have picked up anything about warfare? I’ll humor you. Let's say that I am ignorant in the subject.”
That hurts to say.
“I do know somepony in this very room who does know something about the subject. Right Luna? What do you vote for the future of this land? Is our security that bad.”Hopefully this doesn’t backfire.
“Your Highness, Princess Luna, may approach.” The announcer gave a wincing glance towards Twilight. To be fair the princess had been gone for one thousand years.
The Moon Princess gracefully flew from her spot in the stands, landing beside her personal seat at the council table.
“She doesn’t hold any authority here. She was stripped of political power when she betrayed us all as Nightmare Moon,” the General scoffed.
Luna visibly cringed at the name, her confidence was quickly sucked away by each contemptuous glares in the room.
Anger boiled inside Twilight’s mind. A primal sense of fury bubbled up in her chest. “HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS ONE OF US IN THAT MANNER!” Woah where did that come from.
All were silent for their princess. “Sorry about that. However, my sister is no longer Nightmare Moon, and as you said, she betrayed us as such. Luna’s decrees from before the incident still hold. I say she deserves a vote for reinstatement of political authority.”
“Very well Celestia.” Double Edge fixed his mane from being blown back by the Royal Canterlot Voice. The Major stood up and spoke to the crowd. “If you want to reinstate power to this potential threat to all of us, then raise an limb.” Less than a quarter of the room raised a hoof or claw.
Luna gave a disgruntled frown at the white alicorn. I won’t let it end like this. Twilight startled Double Edge as she climbed onto the table and stopped in front of him. It was her turn to address the crowd.
“Go ahead and keep those legs down, if you want to destroy the rightful balance of this government and strike a blow to the heart of this caring, loving, and brilliant leader,” she said as she pointed at her mentor’s sister. Luna smiled solemnly as she looked around the room.
A few more arms were raised, but it wouldn’t be enough. Luna might hate me for this, but there is only a minute left... “If you are worried that Luna could still be corrupted, wouldn’t you rather have her on your side? An angry alicorn is just as bad for national security as an enemy army.” At that, only a few legs remained down. “Fear works both ways Mr. Edge, you know, like a double edged sword?” Twilight whispered in his ear, before crossing back over the table and taking her seat.
It turned out that Luna wasn't essential for the vote for war. A few council members had changed their minds before the final count. Luna took right up to the last second to decide, mostly due to the shock of current events.
The pony general and the griffin commander leered at Twilight on the way out. The council chamber quickly emptied, leaving the dark and light alicorns alone. Luna was thoroughly enjoying her rightful seat next to Twilight. She caressed the velvety armrests at either side of her custom chair. “These chairs are much more comfortable for our posterior than those wooden abominations,” Luna said with a big smile.
Twilight chuckled a little. “They sure are aren't they.”
“What hast thou done with our Tia?”
Uh oh. Does she know already? “What... What do you mean?”
“Usually thou art almost asleep at such occasions, but today you were so full of energy. We also noticed you visited Shining Armor. Twas nice of thee. He is the brother of thy most faithful student, is he not?” Luna was looking down at the floor and missed Twilight nervously eyeing the door. “Whatever has changed thee, We are grateful. Thou has never used The Royal Canterlot Voice in our defense before.” Luna turned and gave Twilight a light kiss on the cheek, before slipping out of her seat and out the doors.
That was close, Twilight thought as the red faded from her cheeks.
Luna’s head popped back in the doorway with a giddy grin. “WE FINALLY HAVE A JOB AGAIN!” Twilight quickly secured paperwork, before it got blown away by Luna’s voice. “Oops, we are sorry,” she said before disappearing once again. She could hear the clack of Luna's hooves as the giddy alicorn skipped away. Twilight didn't let go of the paperwork in front of her until Luna’s prancing hoofsteps were long gone.
***
Shining Armor and currently Princess Twilight, were seated across from each other at a small table. They were surrounded by impossibly tall shelves of books and scrolls. The silver moonlight coming through the large windows at the end of the west wing were barely visible from within the depths of the Canterlot Library.
“Wow Twily, we almost went to war. If you hadn’t just come from the council chamber, I would have never believed you. I mean you really showed Double Edge.”
Twilight’s soft white ears perked up. “You mean you’re not mad about the upcoming budget cut?”
“Are you kidding me? A bunch of the guards and I wear gold plated armor. Also, the Major General is a bucking jerk, if you'll pardon my language.”
There was silence for a bit, then Shining spoke again. “So if you’re in Celestia’s body that means...” Shining twirled a hoof.
“Celestia is learning what it’s like to be me, in Ponyville. This honestly seems easier than working at the library,” Twilight chuckled.
“Really?” Shining had a skeptical look.
“Well, yeah. Maids and guards pretty much take care of the worries of daily living, and all I have to do is sign papers, go to meetings, and show up to special events. Although, I bet Celestia is living a simple easy life in Ponyville.”
Shining reached over the table and grasped Twilight’s golden shoe. “All those decisions affect hundreds or thousands of pony lives. How do you know you’re making the right decisions?”
“I just make the best judgment by logic. It’s worked so far.” She smiled broadly at her brother.
“I think you’re being a bit naive, but lets talk about something else. It makes me too nervous to think that my little sister is in charge of almost everything under the sun.” It can’t be that simple? Celestia must have really gone off the deep end to let her be in charge. “Did anything else interesting happen? Actually, I've been meaning to ask, how did you bypass my shield at the hospital so fast?” Shining raised an eyebrow.
“Well, as for your second question question, I concentrated Celestia's magic into a super fine point, about one pico meter or 0.000000000001. tapering up to 10 millimeters over the length of 2 meters. The tip being well under the thaumic density of any of the layers in your barrier matrices, let it slip right past. Then all I had to do was expand my little magic needle's diameter, create an opening starting from the center of the expanded shaft, and walk right in."
Shining was certainly not as excited as his little sis, but Twilight was too obliviously excited by this point to notice.
The best part is, I didn't even need to calculate how much thaumic force I needed to keep the magic needle from being dismantled by the rotating layer of your shield! Celestia's solar magic was so dense that the spell form didn't even falter for a second!"
Shining's head was laying on the table with his hooves over his head.
"Um... you okay Shinny?"
"Ughhh... You know how much research it's taken me to... and you didn't even need to do the proper calculations. You just brute forced everything!"
Dang it, sad Shinny is the worst Shinny. "Well, just because I said I didn't need to do the calculations, doesn't mean I didn't do them!"
This got the colt's attention. He didn't raise his head, but one of his ears perked up.
Twilight ran the numbers in her head, converting to imperial, knowing her brother's preferences. "Based on my calculations, the shield you made in the hospital should be able to withstand 6.0173e5 hoof pounds of force."
"Twily, forgive my lack of enthusiasm, but you know I can't picture numbers like you, without context."
"That's like, the force of an entire platoon of pegasi ramming into your shield at thirty miles per hour!" Twilight crossed her arms. "That seems pretty bad flank if you ask me."
"Yeah, I guess it is." Despite his best efforts, Shining couldn't keep himself from smiling. "But even in the Princess' voice, you're way to nerdy to be saying 'bad flank.'"
Twilight's white muzzle wrinkled, as her eyes narrowed. It was the same self righteous indignation Shining Armor always remembered. "It might just be me, but that look is even more adorable on the princess?" Ha! You may have fancy alicorn magic, but I can still make you red as a plum LSBFF. Shinning mentally hoof pumped.
Twilight continued to scowl, before switching back to the first question. "So Carrot Top, a Ponyville farmmare, is pressing charges against whoever caused a stampede of bunnies to eat all the carrots on her farm. I gave Stone Wall the job of lead investigator. He seems really tense. The funny thing is, this wasn’t the first bunny stampede in Ponyville.”
“Yeah, I'm sure he will enjoy the break from the castle... wait, not the first? What kind of crazy town did Celestia send you to?”
Twilight was too excited to notice his question. “Oh, I also basically told everyone that you stopped an imposter that looked like Bon Bon, posing as Celestia, but the imposture escaped.”
“What about the real Bon Bon?” Shining looked concerned.
“I told the guard she must still be in Canterlot. It’s unlikely she will have a reason to come here.”
Shining retracted his hoof form his sister and crossed his arms. “I guess.”
Twilight decided it was time to change the subject again. “So why is everypony afraid of Celestia? Whenever she visits Ponyville, she is so calm and friendly. Nopony seems to understand that I just want to help!” Twilight threw her hooves in the air.
“Besides being taller and all around more powerfull? It’s more of a self perpetuated stereotype created by everypony. Like when you and your friend Fluttershy thought she would imprison you for taking her pet Pheonix.”
“She told you about that huh?” Twilight’s white muzzle was flush red for the second time tonight.
“Once something like that happens, it spreads, and everypony thinks they’re going to prison or the moon. Then, when Celestia tries to make friends, they cower and don’t act like themselves. It doesn’t help that her personal guard is so serious.”
“I could imagine that being frustrating for the Princesses” Twilight scratched her chin for a moment.
“Exactly. Thus she screams in her pillow, plays tricks on the guards, the maids, and sometimes runs wild in Canterlot. All activities that aren't the best for friend making. I can only imagine she keeps her composure in Ponyville, for you.”
“That all makes so much sense.” Twilight looked around for a notebook or a scroll, but had no such luck.
“Good, because it’s nearly 8:00, and we can't miss that secret meeting you heard about.” Shining stood and cantered towards the east wing.
Twilight ran in front of her brother. “Wait, you haven't told me what’s going on between you and Cadence?”
Oh no. Here comes the bombardment of questions, then the alienation of my marefriend, until she flips out and leaves. Unless... Shining Armor turned around and blasted Twilight with a beam of magic.
The alicorn rubbed her head with a hoof. “Did you just... what did you erase?”
“Now we’re even Twily. Those guards barely knew how to put their armor on after your spell, and guess who has to re-teach them everything?”
Twilight closed her eyes to recall her wiped memories, but only got a headache. “I will figure out what I was asking about. I guess we’re even. We really do need to stop supressing everypony’s memories... It can’t be healthy.”
“Deal. Now let’s go.” The Guard Captain grabbed the princess and rushed down the corridors of books.
***
“Your plan was a failure Double Edge. It’s time for my plan B.” Twilight soon recognized the voice as the griffin Swift Claw, the griffin commander from the meeting.
“The plan might have gone better if you had spoken more than once during the whole meeting!” The general nearly yelled.
“If I had wanted to be as blatantly obvious as you, sure. You may as well have been waving a sign reading ‘I'm up to something devious, arrest me now?'"
The Major pursed his lips and puffed his cheeks in anger. “Plan B is crazy! The casualties won't be worth it. Even if we use Ponyville and the town of Griffindor to trigger Rule 63 of War Engagement, the distraction won’t be enough. One of them is bound to stay at the castle.”
“True, but I have a feeling one of them may be joining us soon. I have an offer she can’t refuse.” The griffin taped his claws together.
Major General Double Edge rounded the table and stood tall in front of the Griffin. The attempt at intimidation was only slightly diminished by the pony's smaller size.
"If you are certain, then let's begin preparations. Don't tell me more, I don't want to risk more details being compromised. I think Celestia may be getting suspicious."
"I'm as certain as the day we started this, the Griffin said."
The plotting pair prepared to depart the secret chamber. Just as Shining was about to bust through the false shelf he and Twilight were hiding behind, she grabbed him.
Stop, Twilight said telepathically as she restrained him in her golden magic.
Why, we have enough evidence to arrest them now?
Don’t you want to know their whole plan and who else is involved? Twilight thought.
There was a moment of mental silence. Fine, but from here on out, I'm not taking orders from you when nopony else is present. Security of the castle is my job. I’ll do the investigation my way, and you yours.
Whatever, let’s just get out of this cramped hallway.
As the brother and sister left the hidden passage, a blue mist crept from the dark. It weaved between some shelves and disappeared out of the library.
“So, I was thinking. I could throw a party some time this week.” Twilight almost had the same enthusiastic grin as Pinkie.
“What? What the hay does that have to do with what we just saw?” Shining was confounded.
“You know, to improve Celestia’s relationship problems with the staff, maybe make some more friends.”
Shining laughed. “Oh, good night and good luck,” lil sis. It’s time for this stallion to get some Applejack Daniels with the guys. Thanks for keeping our little secret Applejack.
***
To Be Continued.
Chapter 6: A Knife, A Box and Three Shades of Purple
Chapter 6: A Knife, A Box and Three Shades of Purple
(Celestia)
***
August 13th, Ponyville Library, 1:23am, outside temperature 57 degrees, inside temperature 68 degrees...
I can’t believe every entry starts like this. The heading is a paragraph in itself. She skipped ahead.
The purple unicorn was nestled beneath the celestial themed bed sheets. Her body lay propped up by a couple pillows as she read a small notebook. The book was adorned with a pink six pointed star, surrounded by five smaller white ones. She picked up the smell of what would surely be a delicious breakfast. The odor was slowly wafting in from the lower floor of the library.
The feather distribution in my pillow is not sufficiently even...
Celestia giggled at the extensive detail. Twilight you are so... obsessive-compulsively adorkable sometimes. Ah, here we go, this finally looks like some indulgent writing.
...Today I was able to cut 10 minutes off of my morning chores. All I had to do was comb my mane, brush my teeth, organize the shelves, eat breakfast, and give Spike a bath, all at the same time. Now if only I could find a spell to make my coat excrete soap and water. That way I could take my bath as well, but I guess I would also need a way to contain the soapy mess...
Okay. This is getting ridiculous. Where is the usual juicy gossip and secrets every mare keeps in her diary. I mean, even Luna’s diary... ah! Here we go. I should have known Twilight would put an index in her own Diary.
“Lets see, what should I look under?” Celestia continued through the section headings. Combating Nightmare Moon, Combating Discord, Current Projects...
Failed Spells that Should Never be Subjected upon Ponykind, EVER. That seems oddly specific, Celestia thought as she turned to the specified page.
...This spell was supposed to change the color of somepony’s coat, but instead led to complete baldness. That was a hard one to hide from the girls. At the very least I found a use for the hair, mane, and tail...
Celestia studied the spell notes. I will have to remember that one.
...Spell 50, a mind reading spell. Pinkie’s mind is still an enigma. I thought it would just be filled with cupcakes. I still get a headache from all those shared thoughts. I also seem to be unable to resist dancing at parties now, and I know how bad my dancing is...
There were many spells that ended in generic explosions and one that landed Twilight in a white dimension where the phrase alone echoed endlessly while some sort of squid creature was playing a clarinet.
I don’t even know what to make of this.
The diary was flipped back to the index. Finally Celestia found what she was looking for. ‘Friendship is Hard’ That sounds like it could be informative.
...So far making new friends has been... difficult. Many ponies are afraid to talk to me. Being Celestia’s student and the bearer of vast magic isn’t that scary, is it? Why do they look at me like I will destroy them? I bet nopony else has this problem...
“You may be surprised, my little filly,” Celestia said with a soft chuckled.
...I'm so hopeless. Why can’t there be an equation for friendship... maybe there is!
The next couple pages were filled with numbers and charts that extended into the margins. Many parts were scratched out or written over.
...Okay, so maybe there isn’t a formula to perfect friendship. I will find out later. I must have forgotten to carry some values over from...
...I caught Bon Bon talking to Lyra about me. Can you believe she called me neurotic? Me? Sometimes I feel so irritated and angry.
According to my Hoofapedia, these are some symptoms:
‘Anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, aggressiveness, perfectionism, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviors, etc.’
I don’t see any connections to me here...
I’m not going to touch that one. That is more of a job for Dr. Hooves.
...As far as Lyra goes, I like that she is interested in learning, but all she talks about is them. She thinks I’m in denial about the existence of the strange beings, or that I know they exist, but am helping to keep it covered up as some sort of conspiracy...
I keep telling her those books are fiction, or written by crazy mares like her. I mean really, how can a bunch of hairless apes survive in a world without magic? How do they keep their Celestial bodies in orbit around the planet? It just isn’t logical.
I hope I can patch things up after our last conversation...
...I thought I might enjoy the company of Mayor Mare, but she is always busy with politics. Anyhow, I don’t see myself getting into a position of political power any time soon. I did learn that Mayor Mare is not her real name though...
Celestia skipped ahead, laughing softly. “I wonder what her name really is?”
...So, you might think, why is Twilight looking for new friends? Well it’s because she finds that everypony eventually drives her crazy. See I’m talking to myself here. I just need a break from the problems of the same five ponies...
...I mean Rainbow Dash has read almost every Tricky Flight magazine, but I highly doubt she has read anything else I have suggested. How can you not like David Clopperfield or The Art of Peace? How can you not like the prospect of an orbital friendship cannon?
Prospect of? I already oversaw the repairs a few weeks ago. That was a fun comic book inspired simulation. Luna was disappointed when she lost. MaybeI should give Twilight the grand tour.
Lately, Rainbow keeps badgering me to use magic to perform some crazy stunt involving a double Rainboom. She can be mad at me if she wants.
It’s also hard to ‘hang out’ with somepony who keeps calling you an ‘egghead,’ and what is with her competitive nature towards Applejack? It seems a little more than ‘friendly’ competition, if you know what I mean... there I go talking to nopony...
Celestia turned the page with giddy eagerness.
...Applejack you’re the Element of Honesty, not the element of honestly being as stubborn as a mountain. That, and sometimes I would like to talk about more than work and apples...
I like bananas personally. That, and Cloud Cakes too.
...Every time I ask Fluttershy anything personal she starts mumbling incomprehensibly. I have tried pressing harder, but her little Angel Bunny is anything but an angel. Cute and evil is a diabolical combination. How can such a meek, docile pegasus have such a pet?...
...I don’t even need to get started with Pinkie Pie. I hope I saved enough pages for her dedicated section. Speaking of Pinkie Pie, I think I finally found a place she won't get to my diary. Last time I caught her, she said “why write a book nopony can read?” That makes some sense, but I still hope nopony reads this...
Celestia hesitated as a tinge of guilt passed over her. However, it did pass.
...All complaints aside, I love my friendsalmostas much as making new discoveries in magic, the smell of books, or being with Celestia. Celestia is best pony, or alicorn in this case. : )
There's that unhealthy obsession again. I guess I would be one to talk.
...On the bright side, I think Rarity and I have established a great relationship together. I think we share something spec...
“Oh, hi Twilight. I thought you were still asleep,” the faint voice of Spike caused her to slam the diary shut and hide it behind her.
I was so close to figuring this whole Twilight/Rarity situation!
Celestia’s violet eyes scanned the room, but the baby dragon was nowhere to be seen. That’s odd.
“What are you talking about Spike? I haven't been home since yesterday around 3:30. I thought you would be more worried.” The voice of the mare was of mild disappointment with a bit of a teasing nature.
That is even more peculiar, Celestia thought as she heard the very familiar voice from downstairs. Celestia tapped into Twilight’s magic and turned herself invisible. A brief flash outside the first story window was the only sign that anypony had teleported there. The Princess stared in disbelief through the open window.
“Twilight, I think you might be overworking yourself again. Why don’t you take a seat? I’m almost done with breakfast.” Spike had a look of both concern and suspicion.
“I guess you’re right Spike. I don’t feel hungry, but I could never pass up your cooking.”
It didn’t take long for Celestia to realize who or rather what was sitting at the table in the main room of the library. The invisible mare turned away from the window.
Of course you don’t ‘feel’ hungry, you aren't real.
She brought a hoof to her chin, glancing back briefly. Although I never expected her creation to seem so much like... her. She sounds like Twilight, and even her coat, mane, and tail look real.
Celestia hesitantly looked back at the spitting image of her little student. She softly smiled at the way she shuffled and crossed her hooves, the way she shrugged and sighed as she set her head on the table.
Wait a minute, how could it be sighing? Celestia unconsciously ground her hoof into an innocent plant. Why didn’t you tell me about this project my faithful student? I may have been able to avoid shutting her, no, it down. It will only be that much harder if I acknowledge this... thing is anything more than parts.
Although walking around Ponyville with two of me could be fun. But no. Celestia shook her head.
She prepared to bust in before this got out of hoof. However, before she could make her move, an orange mare waltzed up and knocked on the door. Celestia had to reel back to avoid bumping into Applejack.
“Come on in,” chimed the purple mare at the table.
Celestia went back to watch from the window. Darn it. Now I’ll have to wait until she leaves.
“Hello Applejack. Aren't you usually working at the farm at this hour?”
“Well after ya helped me out yesterday mornin,’ Big Mac said he could handle it.”
“Uh Applejack, when did I help you on the farm?”
This prompted a curious look from both Spike and the farm pony. Applejack turned to Spike, raising an eyebrow. ”Is she overworking herself again?”
Spike shrugged. “That’s what I told her.”
Applejack turned back to the duplicate Twilight in the dining area. “The reason I’m here is to ask you a few questions. Rarity thinks you've been actin' odd lately. She said your stride was too perfect, like royalty or somethin.' I tried asking Pinkie, seein’ as she knows everypony, but she seems to be avoiding the issue. As fer me, I never thought you'd have helped me on the farm. Not ta' mention, you were a bit odd that day. How the hay did you buck all those trees?”
I bucked each tree with unadulterated disdain and blind fury for those that oppose us. That would be a great answer. Celestia smirked, still unseen. Does Pinkie Pie suspect me yet?
"I... I don't know what you're talking about Applejack." The imposter's ears folded back in dismay.
Applejack lifted her hat slightly, narrowing her gaze at the purple mare, setting a hoof firmly on the table. “You not rememberin’ yesterday is the final nail in the horseshoe. So what’s goin’ on around here Twilight?”
The mare in the spotlight fidgeted looking for an escape or a chance to delay. “I... um... I may have... accidentally...” the nervous unicorn stuffed her muzzle with hash browns to buy some time.
The invisible princess turned away from the window again. She stifled a chuckle, that she could have easily been sitting in the impostor’s place. Why do its reactions seem so real? What does it have to hide? Could this really be Twilight Sparkle? But then where would my body...
Her train of thought was shattered by commotion from within the library. “Twilight... Twilight... TWILIGHT!” Spike yelled at a rigid looking Twilight Sparkle sprawled next to the wooden table.
Applejack tried to hit the body on the back, thinking she was choking. She then went for abdominal thrusts, but jumped back immediately after touching the duplicate’s purple coat.
“Why did you stop?” Spike asked frantically.
“She’s getting really hot!” Applejack exclaimed.
Spike bent down and put his head close to the seemingly unconscious unicorns chest. “I don’t hear a heartbeat, but I can hear something. We have to go get a doctor, she’s not breathing!”
“There will be no need for that.” Applejack and Spike whirled around to see... another Twilight Sparkle. That was completely worth the looks on their faces.
After all his time with books, and all his experience with Twilight Sparkle, Spike did the only logical thing he could think of.
“GHOST!” the baby dragon yelled at the top of his lungs before shutting himself in a nearby closet.
Applejack’s eyes darted between the two Twilights. ”Uh, what in tarnation is happenin around these parts?”
If I pull this off right I can say the strangeness was because it was the replica of me and cast off suspicion. I just need to kick the habit of the royal canter in the future, Celestia thought, plotting.
“Well, Twilight number two,” said the earth pony, growing impatient.
Celestia took a deep breath before beginning an explanation, only to be interrupted by a new voice.
“Isn’t it obvious? Twilight copied herself,” Pinkie Pie said, appearing behind Applejack and Celestia.
“Uh... huh,” Applejack said slowly. “How did you know to come here and why do you have bottles of hot sauce?”
“I got this weird combo. Itchy hoof, twitchy eye, stitchy neck and wiggly jaw. I figured it meant one of three things. Either Twilight was choking on food or she made a copy of herself. It turned out to be both,” Pinkie finished off in a sing-song voice.
“Riiiight,” Applejack stretched out the word, “but that doesn’t explain the hot sauce, and that was only two explanations.”
“Well the third possibility was that one of Twilight’s spells went wacko and filled the library with tacos again. I forgot the hot sauce last time so...”
“Again? Last time?” Applejack's brow furrowed. “Were getting of topic here. So one a these Twilights is a magical double... er...robot or somethin? That would explain a lot...”
“Not a robot, a magical construct. Magical clones or attempting to create sentient beings is outlawed by Celestia,” said Twilight’s look a like.
Now everypony (including Celestia) was focused on the Twilight that had collapsed on the floor. The duplicate stood up. After she spoke, she giggled with a little embarrassment and wiped her muzzle free of food.
Spike ran out of the closet and hugged her. “You’re okay!”
“So... Which one of ya is the real Twi?”
“I am! No, I am!” both Celestia and the copy responded at the same time.
“This... is gonna be a problem.” Applejack removed her hat and scratched her head.
“I don’t see a problem. Now when I invite Twilight to a party, I’ll get two guests! This is the bestest thing ever!” Pinkie Pie shouted.
Spike spoke up, ignoring Pinkie’s comment. “I know! We can ask questions only the real Twilight would know.”
Oh by Star Swirl’s beard, ]how do I get out of this, Celestia thought, hiding her fear. She silently thanked her years of practicing a neutrally deadened expression in political affairs.
“Sorry to barge in dears, but my schedule is very busy, so I needed an exact time for our... magic... lesson... why are there two of you?” Rarity’s voice got more quiet with each pause. Rarity put on a serious face. “Twilight Sparkle!” she said, completely scandalized. “You know magical clones or attempting to create sentient beings is illegal. Robots are fine, but this is obviously...”
Oh great a fourth party, just what I needed. Covering up this mess is getting harder and harder. Celestia silently cursed herself for not acting sooner.
“I know the laws, Rarity. We just went over that.” Celestia found a purple hoof pointing at her. “She isn't a magical clone. She is a magical construct of mechanical and magical components. She was supposed to be just a capsule for my mind... if something happened, but something didn’t go according to plan. Instead of getting just my basic memories and personality, it looks as though she must have gotten everything up to the moment she was created. As for the sentient part, I didn’t do this on purpose, so technically she is not against Celestia’s law.”
I can’t believe this. Twilight creates sentient life and it accuses me of being the fake. This has got to be some sort of cosmic joke. “I can’t believe this.”
The purple hoof of the magical construct met Celestia’s shoulder. “I know it's hard to believe, but you are not really Twilight Sparkle. You are Experiment 352.”
“He... he... hehehhahhaha! If this isn’t irony I don’t know what is?" Celestia cackled.
“Twilight, I think you broke Twilight,” Spike looked at Celestia with concern.
Celestia quickly collected herself from her fit of laughter. “She didn’t break me, she isn’t the real Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia stated matter of factly.
Everypony gawked at the sight of the two mares arguing with themselves. Pinkie Pie pulled out a bag of popcorn from her mane and Spike kept hold of who he thought was Twilight.
“I can prove I am Twilight,” said the construct. “I thought I might have been the experiment when I woke up alone in the lab, but I would never get to the lab late for such an important experiment. I noticed the time was way past when I needed to stop the memory transfer to Experiment 352. This delay is most likely how this higher intelligence emerged. This would also explain why I don’t remember helping Applejack at the farm or why Rarity noticed an abnormal walk...
“How does that prove it? You said yourself the real Twilight would not show up late?” Celestia was getting tired of her ramblings. Was she always so long winded? Wait, did I teach her to rampble?
“True, but...
“Twilight,” said a mare’s voice from outside the door.
Pushing the duplicate out of the way, Celestia was able to get to the door first.
“Hi Twilight. I just wanted to show you this book I got from The Canterlot Library. I think it might change your—” Lyra was cut off.
“I can’t talk now. I’m trying to prove my own natural existence at the moment. Please try again at a later time.” Celestia closed the door in Lyra’s face, who proceeded to sulk away.
Celestia turned back to the room. “I know that was mean. I will fix it later. Now, what were you saying Miss ‘I am the real Twilight’?”
Everypony was silent. Rarity got out her red fainting couch, Spike sat on the carpet, Applejack set her hat on the table and took a seat, and the two Twilights sat at opposite ends of the wooden table.
“I did say it was unlikely for me to be late to an important project like this, but I do stay up very late studying. I simply fell asleep at the table and didn’t have an alarm clock.
“How do you explain the broken table and trashed lab equipment? Why would Twilight... why would I do something like that? It isn’t exactly cheap.” At least I learned where all the bits i sent Twilight went, Celestia thought. “To make this easier, lets call me Twilight and you can be Sparkle.”
Sparkle started to retort, before she was interrupted by another knock at the door.
Celestia answered the door once again, to be in the presence of a violet pegasus with a sea foam colored mane. “Who are you?”
“You forgot about me already? Twilight, its me, Flitter. You said you would meet me for coffee, like two hours ago.”
“Right, sorry. Somepony in here is about to have an existential crisis, bye.” The door closed a bit more forcefully than the the last disruption. “Go ahead Sparkle.”
I really have to start being more polite to ponies at the door. I guess old habits die hard. I'm just soo used to guards knocking loudly and announcing some noble brat with "urgent" business.
Twilight and Sparkle argued for another forty minutes or so, with each of them tossing arguments back and forth. They had stopped sitting and were now circling the room. If it had not been for the newly designated names those that were still attentive would have lost track of who was who. Frequently the argument degraded into a yelling match.
“Well I’m more purple than you, so obviously I am the real one!”
“Are you kidding me? My coat color looks way more natural than yours! My coat is more of a mix between plum and violet, not purple,” Celestia said. I wonder if she feels like she is just making things up as well.
“Well Twilight, your mane style is off.”
“How can it be off? I do it the same way everyday. It’s just brushed straight.” Maybe after this I could take Rarity's spa invitation.
Pinkie Pie stood and watched with a small bag of seemingly endless popcorn. “I don’t know. Between ‘Twilight’ and ‘Sparkle’ here, I think Twilight is more... Twilightlicious?
“Are you all kidding me? Get on with it!” Spike yelled in annoyance.
His yell woke up Applejack who was hiding her eyes under her Stetson hat. Applejack's flailing jarred Rarity, who was grooming her hooves. Applejack hastily removed her hat from her face and placed it on her head, as if she had been paying attention all along.
“Well Twilights. I don’t think I have anymore time to spare. Let me know when you get this sorted out. If I work hard we should still have time for that magic lesson,” Rarity winked at the two purple unicorns, before heading to the door.
“There has to be a way we can solve this quickly and logically.”
“Agreed,” said Celestia.
“Oh, and girls there is somepony at the door,” Rarity informed, keeping the door mostly closed to hide the spectacle inside.
“Oh for Celestia's sake! Let me get it this time, I don’t want to make every citizen of Ponyville hate me.” Sparkle went to the door and saw an enraged violet mare with a spiky light-blue and white mane.
“Hi Cloudchaser, I am a little busy right now. I will get back to you soon.” Sparkle tried to close the door only to be stopped by a violet hoof in the door frame.
“You made my sister Flitter cry.”
Sparkle glared back at Celestia/Twilight.
“Are you fighting yourself in here? I heard lots of screaming,” Cloudchaser said, trying to get a better look inside.
“Uh, nope no crazy clone wars, robot wars or anything like that here,” Sparkle gave a wide grin and closed the door as Cloudchaser sunk to her plot in the street, completely confused.
Wow, she's almost as bad as me at answering the door. Celestia’s eyes spotted the refrigerator in the kitchen. More specifically the magnets on the door of the unit. That’s it! she internally exclaimed.
Sparkle slid the deadbolt over on the door and closed the curtains. “How do we stop all these distractions from visitors?”
“Its getting under my coat too, but I have an idea.” Celestia turned to Spike. “Get me a knife, a hat box, and a refrigerator magnet.”
Spike looked nervous and confused, but promptly returned with the desired items.
Everypony eyed Celestia as she set the magnet on the table, then grasped the knife and the hat box. Celestia promptly trotted out the door. “I’ll be right back.” This is just getting old.
***
There were a surprising number of ponies waiting outside the library to burden Twilight Sparkle with their complaints, borrow books, chat, and who knows what else, but that didn’t discourage the princess. There were a few Pegasi hovering above, a small group of unicorns, and a large number of earth ponies.
They all stared at the smiling violet-plum unicorn grasping a large kitchen knife and cardboard box.
“Maybe we should run,” Flitter whispered to her sister.
“Would everypony just give me some peace of mind?” Celestia proceed to stab a slot in the lid of the hat box, then dropped it on the doorstep. “I am very busy with a personal issue right now. If you need something, write it down and put it in the box. Thank you for your patience and have a nice day.” The door closed quietly as Celestia disappeared into the library once more.
“When doesn't she have a pile of problems on her hooves? It's not like she has to save Equestria every day?” said Carrot Top in an irritated tone.
There were many murmurs and nods of agreement within the crowd. The gall of this national hero knew no bounds.
***
As Celestia came back into the room and set the knife on the table, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Spike sighed in relief. They all groaned at what she had to say next.
“Ready to settle this once and for all?”
Everypony geared up for another long winded argument, but instead they watched as Celestia picked up the refrigerator magnet and set it on her shoulder. It slid off and plopped on the floor.
“Consarn it, what does that prove?” Applejack looked confused.
“It proves that I’m not Twilight Sparkle after all,” said the magical construct.
“What?” Applejack was still dumbfounded.
The construct sighed again then levitated the magnet off of the floor. As it came close to her shoulder, it stuck there. “I was so sure it was you. Especially after we had all those arguments.” She scraped a hoof across the floor uncertainly, pausing for a moment, before looking up at Celestia. “I guess this means you are my creator?”
“Not... exactly. Why don’t we go talk upstairs? Spike, you need to hear this too.”
Celestia felt awkward as the dismayed copy of her student nodded at her. The three made their way up the stairs and closed the door at the top.
"Welp, guess there's nothing more to see her folks." Pinkie said, having just finished her popcorn as the argument had settled.
Applejack grabbed Pinkie's tail and pulled her back into the kitchen. "Wha, what? What do you mean? I've got a million questions for those two!"
Pinkie kept walking in place, her hooves silently sliding along the floor while her tail was grabbed once more. "Well to bad. They aren't sharing anymore."
"And how do ya know that?"
"My Pinkie Sense, duhhh!"
Applejack face hoofed so hard she almost knocked herself out. Pinkie's tail was finally free to follow it's master out of the libarary.
***
“You were right Sparkle, I am not Twilight Sparkle either,” Celestia revealed.
“I knew it!” Spike blurted out. “Sorry.” Spike twiddled his thumbs, embarrassed by the outburst.
Sparkle scrutinized Celestia. “Who are you then?” she asked, poking Celestia in the barrel. “You feel like a real pony. Where is the real Twilight? What am I? What am I supposed to do? Nothing makes sense anymore!” Her face turning from suspicion to confused fear.
“Calm down, my most faithful student,” Celestia said, wrapping her forelegs around the near perfect image of her student. Sparkle's posture relaxed immediately. There wa no mistaking a hug from the Solar Princess. The construct’s soft purple coat was warmer than that of a regular pony, but she had hard metal shoulders beneath the skin. For a while, The two Twilights just kept holding each other next to Twilight’s desk. Suddenly, the mechanical mare pushed away from her counterpart, the sheer strength surprising Celestia.
“This isn’t my life. I don’t know what this is, but I need to get some answers. If you are really Celestia, then... then that means...” Sparkle threw the door open with her magic and ran down the stairs, leaving Spike and Celestia. She turned to Spike with an awkward smile.
“Sooo let me get this straight. You’re The Princess pretending to be Twilight, that pony who just left was a robot and Twilight is... running the kingdom in your body?” He sounded unsure about it all. Yet he said it in his deadened, sarcastic, I can't believe you're so stupid, voice
When put like that, it does sound completely absurd. “Yes Spike, that is generally what is happening, but you can’t tell anypony. My orders.”
“Three, there are three Twilights right now. I thought one was a handful, but three. Are you crazy?”
Celestia turned away and contemplated the little dragon’s question aloud. He was starting to look a little dizzy. “I was crazy once. It’s bound to happen once or twice when you live for thousands of years. So, to answer your question... I’m not sure...” Pause for dramatic effect, and...
“...Gotcha!”
Spike had fainted as soon as Celestia had said, ‘I was crazy once.’
Shining Armor made his way through the book labyrinth that now filled Celestia’s chambers, attempting to find his not-so-little sister. He navigated through a narrow path that led to the one place he was sure to find the studious mare; Celestia’s personal study. Finally, at the end of the maze, he found the alicorn he was searching for. The captain almost bowed to the Princesses’ form, purely out of instinct.
“Twily, what is going on here? What have you done to this place?” She didn’t seem to hear him; she was too engrossed in a multitude of tomes and scrolls. Shining got a little closer.
“Twily?”
“Ahh!” Twilight yelped in surprise, falling back in her chair while flailing her white and gold hooves in the air.
“Twily!” Shining Armor gently caught the mare and chair within his magical grasp.
“Oh, heh heh, it’s just you,” Twilight blushed. Shining Armor’s magic flickered, causing Twilight to fall a short distance to the floor with an “umph” and a clatter of wood hitting tile.
Twilight gazed up at the sheepish grin plastered on her brother’s face. “You did that on purpose,” she said with the annoyed conviction only youger siblings could deliver. She hoofed him in the shoulder, knocking the stallion over.
She cringed as Shining tried to hide his wince of pain. She may technically be my boss, but she is still my little sis. Can't let her see my weaknesses.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot I have the strength of a super earth pony now. I guess it doesn’t help that I’m also wearing metal shoes.” Twilight said as she rushed to help him to his hooves.
“No kidding. It’s... okay. I’ll be fine.” Ow, ow, ow, he thought as his shoulder throbbed. A large bruise was already forming under his white coat.
Twilight frowned as she gently leaned into her brother. I can’t believe I hurt my BBBFF, but the least I can do is preserve his brotherly pride.
The two were silent for a few moments, as Twilight continued to stare at the floor.
“Oh Twily, don’t you worry about ol Shiny,” he said returning a light hoof-punch to her shoulder. He awkwardly smiled. If I saw anypony else do that I would consider throwing them into Tartarus. “So, what’s with all the books? It looks like you have half the Canterlot archives in here.” He looked up at the teetering towers of books. that nearly reached the vaulted ceiling as he spoke. “Shouldn’t you be researching what we heard at that secret meeting at the library?”
“I’m getting to that secret meeting stuff, but that book is in ‘W’,” she said, indicating a book in one of the alphabetical stacks on Celestia's finely crafted desk.“Don’t be ridiculous. One couldn’t come close to fitting all those books in here without some sort of pocket dimension or compression spell. This is just a sixteenth of the first shelves from sections A-Z. I’m checking to make sure none of these books have outdated information. The librarian insisted they were all ‘current enough,’ but double checking couldn’t hurt. Plus I get to read all these neat books and use Celestia’s amazing big desk. Oh, heres a mistake. This book says Star Swirl’s hat had ten stars, but I remember reading from many other sources that there were nine, to signify—”
“Wait, does that mean you have read all the way up to ‘S’? You're going to go blind reading that much.”
“Shiny, there is no scientific evidence to prove that reading can—”
“Yes, I know I know, you told me before,” he said exasperatedly.
She looked annoyed at being cut off, especially by her brother. Twilight righted the chair and sat down in mock irritation. She turned away from Shining and levitated a few books in front of herself. “Well if all you wanted was to interrupt my work, then you have done a great job.”
“That’s partially what I’m here about. I don't think you—”
“I... I can do this. I just...”
“Twilight, that book is upside-down," Shining said. I don’t think you’re quite focused on what’s important here and, I don’t think you quite comprehend the scale of impact you can make.”
“Look, I did all the paperwork, I raised the sun, I went to this morning’s meeting, what else is there?”
Shining Armor moved up beside the desk. “You can’t solve everything with logic. You have to weigh in the emotions and livelihoods of the ponies involved. Ruling isn’t just about paperwork and meetings or sorting books.” What in the blazes were you thinking, Celestia? I hope you know what you’re doing.
“I don’t understand. Logic works with everything, except maybe Pinkie Pie. I have already restored Luna’s political power, I haven't let anypony (especially Luna) know that I switched places, prevented war against the Diamond Dogs, and even uncovered a secret plot by the Major General, all with the help of logic... and a little tickle fight with Luna.”
“Wait, what was that last part? Oh never mind.” He shook the ensuing images from his mind. “That is pretty good for just a day and a half, but you also turned two of my guards into bumbling fools and caused half the guard to go on a wild goose chase for a crème colored mare claiming to be a door to door candy salespony.Do you know what Princess Luna is doing right now? Do you know how the citizens are feeling in Manehattan or Appaloosa?”
“Well no but...”
“Have you followed up on what we heard at the library? Do you have a backup plan or did you just choose one logical track to follow?” Twilight took a breath to speak, but was stopped once more. “Do you even know what Rule 63 of War Engagement means? If you had, you would know that it basically states that if a foreign entity invades Equestria, the general may mobilize our forces against the enemy, despite what the princesses may say.”
“No I didn't... I don’t know.” Shining was about to open up again, but Twilight was not having it. “STOP! ...Just stop. I can't answer all these questions at once. If you would just let me speak I could explain.” Twilight said, before slowing her breathing closer to a normal rate and answering Shining’s queries. “I learned the empathy spell Celestia uses to track the overall feelings of the major cities, but I haven't checked all the cities yet. I don’t know what Luna is doing, but Celestia told me not to let her know we switched places. I figured the best way to do that was to stay away from her when I can.”
With each sentence, Twilight grew closer to tears. “Earlier this morning, I was making my way through books on war to figure out what that rule meant, but, but there are so many terrible things in those books I had checked out. I panicked and went to the library and ended up getting all these books. I was reading this little book on Star Swirl to get those bad thoughts out of my head. Even checking on the cities didn’t help any. Overall they seemed happy on the surface, but delving deeper... I just feel like there’s too much to fix and everypony is counting on me.” The alicorn’s large head thumped onto the desk and the big violet eyes started glistening a little.
“Oh Twily.” She calls that four inch book little? I would hate to see Twilight’s idea of a tome. Shining startled the mare with a protective hug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I interrogated you like that. I only want...”
“...what is best for everypony. I know. You can't let my flaws jeopardize Equestria.” A small streak of tears was running from Celestia’s large eyes onto the Captain’s shoulder. “I just wanted to be strong for her. I couldn’t let her down. Especially after her last letter.”
“Yes I do want what is best for everypony, but what I was trying to say is that, as Captain of the Guard, it is my duty to keep an eye on things for everypony. That includes you, Twily. Especially because you're my little sis.” He nuzzled her in the chest until she finally started to giggle softly. “You always know how to bury yourself in work and bite off more than you can chew, don't you?
“Heh heh yes, yes I do,” she admitted with a guilty grin. “And you have always had a weird way of showing you want to help.”
“You don’t have to do it all alone. I know all the rules of war by heart, so I can fill you in and skip over the unpleasant stuff for you. I can help in other ways too.”
Twilight wiped the moisture from her eyes. “You would do that for me? I thought you said you were going to do the investigation your way?”
“That doesn’t mean I won't share info with you, you silly filly,” he said as he continued to tickle Twilight’s white coat with his muzzle. They rolled out of the chair in a fit of laughter. As they rolled around the floor, they toppled towering stacks of books which cascaded all over the bare parts of Celestia’s office floor. Gold and pink magic automatically sprung up, blocking heavy books from raining on their heads.
I bet this looks just as strange as it feels, thought Shining armor. Just as long as ‘she’ doesn’t come looking for me here.
“Hey Shiny?” The siblings lay under a cave of books supported by their magic.
“Yeah Twiliy?
“I think I have a plan for how to stop Double Edge.”
“You never stop thinking do you? Silly filly princess.” Shining Armor grabbed Celestia's tiara off of Twilight’s head.
“Hey give that back!”
“Ow!”
“Sorry, sorry. Earth pony strength. I forgot.”
***
“So, let me get this straight. We just stand here and call out to Celestia if somepony wishes to speak to her?”
“You just wait and you will see what a crazy headache this job can be. Thankfully they just installed this new communication device that links to the Princesses’ chambers. Now us guards don’t have to yell through the door anymore.” Claymore looked over at the new mug that would be standing in for Stonewall. The new pegasus guard was observing the brass pipes running up the wall and into the Princesses’ chambers.
“That’s a shame,” said Morning Star, now taking notice of the newly painted cutie marks of the sun and moon goddess beneath the series of metal pipes.
“What’s a shame about protecting our leader from intruders and annoying ponies?” Claymore said, stressing the words ‘annoying ponies.’
“There’s no shame there. I’m glad to be paid more to do nothing just as much as anypony. However, just think, the last legal and excusable way to yell at the royal princesses has just been replaced by these metal tubes.”
“That is a really odd way of... Morning Star! What do you think you’re doing over there?” asked the white stallion. His gold armor clattered as he broke stance. He occasionally glanced at his partner, who continued to ignore his cry of disapproval.
Morning Star, clad in an identical set of armor, held an ear close to the series of metal pipes which led into the princesses’ chambers. Inside, she could faintly pick up two voices. “I thought I heard laughing and screaming in there. I wonder what the old captain is doing in there?”
Claymore just scowled at his new partner. You have got to be kidding me.
“Excuse me sirs— hey, is your partner eavesdropping on the Princess?”
Claymore snapped his head toward a mare who had a look of annoyed concern.
***
“So you didn’t just come here to give me moral support. I knew you looked more nervous than usual.” Wow, as soon as we got company at the door, he just flipped out.
“It doesn’t matter. I just need your help to hide.” Shining Armor was practically dancing in place. His eyes darted around the room for a means to help him escape. Why did this place have to be built on a bucking mountain top?
“I don’t know... if you won’t tell me exactly what is going on, I don’t know if I should help. Plus I’m still annoyed about you erasing my memories last night. I’m going to figure it out eventually.” The voice of Celestia was almost playful.
“There's no time to explain. I just need your help.” Great, my memory spell works on my sister, but not on the one that matters.
“What do you mean there is no time? There are two of the most highly trained professional guards standing just beyond that door.”
“I don’t think that’s going to be good enough for what’s coming.”
“Princess? Are you allowing entry to your chambers?” The guard’s voice rang from the metal like funnel near the ceiling.
“Whatever or whoever it is, I’m sure we can handle it,” she said calmly.
Twilight then walked over to the nearest pipe of newly installed com system. “Go ahead, send them in.”
“Wait, no. They'll destroy us all!” Shining yelled in fear as the doors started to part. He ducked down to the ground and covered his eyes in his hooves.
By Celestia’s mane, he’s acting almost as dramatic as Rarity. A light grey unicorn mare strode in. Her cutie mark was an unfurled scroll with nondescript writing upon it.
“I’m sure the the Court Announcer will devastate the Solar Princess and the Captain of the Royal Guard with her world-ending spells.”
“Um... your highness, what are you talking about?” She looked around the room. I never knew the Princess read this much. What an egghead. No wonder she’s so weird. The comparatively small unicorn mare looked utterly confused. Shining armor got up off the floor and tried to look as official as possible, which wasn’t saying much as his face was flush red.
“Oh nothing, just my bro... overreacting to something.” ‘Celestia’ winced at her near mistake.
“Right, your ‘bro.’” Bright Herald scrunched her nose. Spending too much time near college frat houses are we? “So what did you need from me exactly?
The large double doors closed with a gold layer of magic causing a tinge of panic to grow within the grey mare. Twilight caught the nervous look she saw on almost all the castle staff.
“I know you loathe your job as Court Announcer.”
That certainly wasn’t a question. She knows I do. What do I say? If I admit it, will she punish me, maybe give me a worse job. “Now what would give you that idea?” The unicorn forced a smile.
“There’s no use in hiding it. You said it yourself yesterday.” Twilight gave her a critical look. “I decided I would like you to...” Her speech paused for a second. I just know she’s going to love this.
Bright resisted the urge to run or prance in place. Oh no, here it comes. I just know I’m going to hate this. I’m going to be a window washer, I just know it.
Twilight smiled slightly. “I want you to help plan a party. A big party, for all the Castle staff.” I hope I can make Pinkie Pie proud.
Wha... what the drought.
***
“You need to get back to your post.”
“Shhh, I’m trying to listen,” Morning Star snapped. Each attempt to get here to stop eavesdropping had been just as unsuccessful as the last. She leaned towards the pipes again, but her fellow guard wedged himself between her and the source of Princessy gossip..
“You’re going to get us into trouble," he said, with a strained grimace.
“Oh Claymore, loosen up a little. Aren't you a tad curious about why Shining Armor was all worked up? Besides, we are technically the same rank, so you can’t order me around. Just stand watch if you're so worried about it.”
“Uh, if you hadn't noticed, that’s my job." Claymore resumed his post, looking extra serious. "And of course I am curious, but it doesn't concern us.”
“Are you sure? Celestia was just talking about how we are highly trained professionals. She said something about a party as well.”
“A party? You’re just making things up to get me to join you. Ha! How could somepony like you be professional? I bet you barely passed qualification for this job,” Claymore said with a huff as he resumed his watch.
“Are you saying that because I’m the first mare to make it here? I should report you to HR for this,” she said, removing her helmet to stare angrily at her compatriot.
“No, uhh... I didn’t mean,” Claymore stuttered as he flushed with embarrassment and fear. I can’t go back to HR. You tackle one pony by mistake and they get all in your mane about it. Why would an Element of Harmony make a bomb shaped cupcake for the princess?
“I'm just pulling your tail,” Morning Star said with a laugh. Claymore gave an awkward chuckle in relief before she continued. “If you're referring to my skills, that test was easy. I think I scored around 96 or so. I bet it was easy for you too,” she said, nudging the guard between his armor.
Claymore stood dumbstruck. She can’t be serious. I could barely score above a 73... on my third try, and that was just the written part. “Yeah, catching ten boulders hurtling past your flank with your magic is a piece of cake,” he half heartedly laughed. I’ll just pretend I didn't see anything. Morning Star had taken advantage of his stray thoughts and was back to eavesdropping. “You know what, scoot over. It’s time to break up the routine.
“Maybe I can be a good influence on you after all,” Morning Star chided. The two Royal Guards stood nearly flank to flank as they held their ears to the brass pipes.
***
“So I keep my job as court announcer and you are paying me to plan a party with Porcelain Pot? This is a joke right? What is this party even for?”
“Not just a party. This is going to be big. Twilight started slowly pacing between the stacks of books. "I noticed that many of the staff members here are a little... apprehensive in my presence.”
“That’s a gross understatement.” She rolled her eyes, before catching herself. “Sorry, sorry your highness.”
“That sort of cowering is exactly what I’m talking about. This whole thing is a gift from me to my subjects,” Twilight said as she laid a foreleg over the unicorn in a friendly manner. “I’m sorry, but I can’t recall your name?”
“You never asked,” she said rudely. “I mean, my name is Bright Herald.”
“Well you had better get started, and you may want watch how you address a princess. I’ll give you more specifics as you go along.” Twilight tried to sound informal and full of warmth, just like Celestia did to disarm her paranoia when she was Celestia's new student.
As the double doors opened up again, Shining hid behind some stacks of books.
The court announcer made a hasty retreat, a pep in her step. She must have killed me and this is some crazy form of heaven. Paid to plan a party? thought Ms. Herald.
***
Twilight and her brother were alone once more.
“...So I gather that you made somepony angry, but it wasn't your fault. You finally came here because this room prevents teleportation in or out.” Twilight scratched her head with a gold clad hoof, recoiling from the chilling metal. “Did you try talking it out with her?” This must have something to do with that memory spell last night. Maybe I can get him to tell me.
“Of course I did, but... hey, I never told you I was running from a mare.”
“You just did,” Twilight said with a smile.
Ooh, she’s good. Shinning would have smiled, if he wasn't so nervous.
“I take it you tried teleporting and she kept tracing your magical trail?”
The stallion nodded and said, “It doesn't help that my magic keeps going haywire, thanks to my head injury yesterday. I can't hide my trail.”
“You must have ended up in some really random places? That explains why you dropped me and the chair earlier. What did you do to make her so angry? It’s not like you were dating and she thinks you are cheating on her?”
Shining dropped his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” How does she keep doing that.
“I’m right again!,” she exclaimed with a hoof pump. “So who was the lucky mare and who does she think you’re cheating with?”
“And now you know exactly why I had reservations about telling you what was going on.”
“Sorry, I guess I can help you first, but you'll have some explaining to do later.” Twilight cleared some floor space with her magic before lying down with her head up. She winced at the books they had toppled, hoping they would be okay. “You must have also tried invisibility spells, but I guess it doesn't matter what you use if your magic is malfunctioning."
Twilight reached up to scratch her chin in thought. Once again subjecting herself to the cold dead touch of the royal hoof coverings. Aghh, darn these things!” She glared at the royal accessory, before tossing it to the side. Twilight winced, as the shoe toppled some books with her godlike strength. Maybe I could cast a heating spell on the shoes? That would make them nice and comfy. She placed her bare hoof upon her chin, contemplating solutions to help her BBBFF.
She didn't get very far, before a new ruckus could be heard at the other side of the doors.
***
“You two!”
“Ye... yes?” The two royal guards stuttered at the same time, dropping prostrate “Please spare us. We're sorry your highness.” Claymore happened to make the briefest of eye contact with the Princess of Love. Only, the Princess seemed to be a darker, more angry shade of pink. If colors could be angry that is.
“Lucky for you, I'm saving my plans for the complete and total annihilation of somepony else. Have you seen Shining Armor?”
“Well, um I did see... you seem a little angry, maybe you should come back after a break.” After his comment Claymore was pulled to the side by Morning Star. The pink alicorn just stood still and huffed in disbelief. Her pink, purple, and blond mane was frazzled, and she was breathing aggressively out her nose.
“What do you think you’re doing? You’re going to get us killed!” Morning Star whispered in panic.
Claymore pushed her aside. “I follow the orders of Captain Armor and Princess Celestia, and those orders are to stop 'anypony' not expressly invited, from passing these doors. That includes Your Highness, as well. Besides, Shining Armor would be less than pleased if his best guards were taken out.”
“You’re crazy, you know that?,” both mares said. Cadence's gruff expression almost broke from the coincidental agreement.
Claymore stomped the ground, prompting a large sword to rise from the floor. He levitated the blade with his magic and prepared for battle. “Maybe, but I will do my job whether or not you help.” He said as he stepped between Cadence and the doors.
Morning Star joined him, pulling the weapon of her namesake from under her wing. “Something interesting is finally happening and I’m not letting you have all the fun.” She winked in his direction. “Plus, I like crazy ponies.”
“You have got to be kidding me? Not only do I have a multitude of ways to get passed you two, but now I know he must be in there! Move now or face the fury of the Princess of Love!” Cadence scratched the floor with a hoof and snorted.
“You were right, this job isn't a stroll through the park.” Morning Star smiled around the hilt of her weapon.
***
There was silence for a bit, the sound of a scuffle, then a terrifying yell that could only come from a mare in complete rage.
“CELESTIA, IF SHINING ARMOR IS IN THERE YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION!”
“Shiny, you have got to be kidding me. It’s Cadence?”
There was a heavy impact on the double doors. It almost felt like the entire Royal Tower shook.
“She is the princess of spreading joy and love.” He shrugged. “It was bound to happen.”
“That doesn't even make sense...”
The sound of another forceful impact and splintering wood filled the room. Both siblings cringed.
“Well it really sounds like she wants to smother you in her love now. I thought these doors were impenetrable to any being?” She cringed as another blow to the door reverberated through the room.
“They are, but princesses endowed with godlike powers are not just ‘any being.’" Shining started prancing in place in sheer panic. "Twily, do something!”
“If I cast a spell on you it could hide your aura, but the only spell I can think of right now...”
“Just hurry.”
“I don’t know if I can...”
“Just do it!”
“Pushy, pushy, sheesh.” Twilight charged her horn with golden magic. A beam shot straight for Shining Armor, enveloping his body in a brief burst of light. "There. It's done."
Shining opened his eyes. Nothing seemed to have changed around him, but he froze once he raised a forelg. Pink! PINK! “You have to be bucking kidding me.”
The nerdy alicorn of sisterhood, didn't seem to have noticed his plight at all. "We still need a way to cover your cutie mark. I know!” She hurried off towards Luna’s chambers, weaving between the book towers.
"But... but... PINK!"
***
A crème colored mare stepped onto the landing at the train station, with the help of the friendly conductor.
“Welcome to Canterlot, Miss. Wait! Do I know you from somewhere?,” He asked. His accent like any good gentlecolt from the city would.
“No, I don’t believe we have met.”
The conductor rubbed hi mutton chops for a moment. "Hmm. Well, I won't keep you waiting. Thank you for your patronage."
Bon Bon had her business saddlebags on, and headed straight for the residential district of town. Maybe Twilight was right. Perhaps new customers is all I need to make more bits. Even my regular customers in Ponyville are getting tired of my goods. Bon Bon was too distracted by her own thoughts, to notice all the wary looks the ponies at the market district were giving her.
She made her way to the first door, at what looked like a friendly enough neighborhood. After a moment the resident answered. Bon Bon took a deep breath and took off on her practiced sales pitch. “Greetings, we all need a bit of sweet relief in our lives and that is why I know you will love Bon Bon’s Bon Bons.” As she reached into her saddlebags stitched with four letter “Bs,” the resident screamed in terror and slammed the door in her face.
“Oh well, a good business mare knows not to be discouraged!” She pumped a hoof in the air and trotted onward.
After seven more houses with the same reaction, that positive sentiment was getting hard to keep. The things she heard everypony scream were also starting to bug her. It’s like salesponies were some sort of criminals around here.
“Hey you, halt!”
Bon Bon looked behind her, convinced the town guard was addressing somepony else, but all she saw was a piece of paper on the wall behind her. A piece of paper with a very familiar looking crème colored mare. The sketch did seem to catch the mar's good side.
“Oh buck.” Why the hay am I on a wanted poster? Bon Bon put a hoof to her chest. “Are you referring to me, because... I have to run, bye!” With that she took off down the nearest ally.
“I always love it when they run.” The guard shot a magical flare into the sky to call for reinforcements.
Bon Bon looked up at the flare of magic in the sky, as she sprinted away from the fuzz. Well at least this time, there is no way it’s Twilight’s fault that I’m about to be arrested.
Far from Ponyville, in the caldera of a volcane, a colony of dragons stirred. A lone member stood a few meters above the rest, perched atop a rock outcropping. The others eyed the teenage dragon curiously, before he blew a plume of fire into the sky and roared for evryone's attention.
“First they kick Firewing in the nose and out of his cave. Then their pet dragon shows up and eats some of Sharptail’s treasure!" The dragon dug his claws into the solid rock at his feet, before continuing. "Now the Princess patronizes us with piles of letters addressed to somepony named Twilight Sparkle!” He spat the name with disgust and incinerated a large handful of scrolls wadded up in his grip.
Most of the dragons turned and sauntered away. Every few years there was always some young drake trying to reignite a war with ponies. This was nothing new to them, but that didn't stop a number of dragons from sticking around to watch this upstart's inevitable failure.
“What's your point Ripjaw?” asked another dragon. This one sat in a crater of lava below the preverbal soapstone box Ripjaw was shouting from.
“My point is, we can’t just sit here and let them mock us. I say we find this Twilight and make an example of her. You know, to show ponies they should never mess with the likes of us.”
An orange dragon with a scar on his belly scratched the rocky surface of the caldera, causing all to wince. “And how do you suppose we do this without getting our tails handed to us by Celestia? We would have to be in and out before she shows up.”
Many dragons nodded and grumbled their agreement. No group of dragons stood a chance against that White Demoness. Dragon fire was hot, but nothing was hotter than the fury of the sun itself. Ripjaw it seemed, would not be swayed so easily.
“Then that’s what we'll do! We'll be in and out before you can say crispy pony. Now who’s with me?” Ripjaw said, raising a fist.
A small group of dragons formed before him. Most were relatively young, but two older dragons raised their heads in interest.
The meager support invigorated Ripjaw's words as he continued. "Isn't it time we remind the ponies that it's us who allow them to live their cushy little rainbow lives?! Isn't it time we remind Celestia that she can't keep us behind the boarder forever? Isn't it time we make one of her "little ponies" pay for disrespecting us dragons?!"
Firewing, fifth eldest of the Brimstone clan and third eldest in the Dragon Lands, laid back in his spot in the caldera. The elder dragon watched as his brethren took flight. A small snort of sooty flame, the only sign of his growing unease.
***
An earth pony and a white unicorn sat at a small table outside the fancier of the two coffee shops in Ponyville. The sign in front of the building read “Star-Bucks.” A frilly table umbrella shaded the pair as they spoke. A stetson hat hung on the back of a white wire chair behind its blond-maned owner. The unicorn held her coffee in her magical grasp, taking an occasional sip while her company looked at her cup indignantly.
“Landsakes, Rarity. So that’s what happened when me and the rest of the girls were too busy for your Fall Fashion Showcase.” Applejack didn’t notice the distracted look on the fashionista’s face as she stirred a generous amount of sugar into her cup of coffee. “I never took you for the type to cause such a ruckus. Hey Rares?"
Rarity remained silent, staring at nothing in particular.
“You there sugarcube?” Applejack waved a hoof in front of Rarity’s blue eyes.
“Oh... Not a ruckus! It was more of a mild disturbance. All I had meant to do was make him trip into the punch bowl, but things got... out of hoof.” The white unicorn took a sip of straight black coffee from her mug and smiled innocently.
“I’ll say. Out of hoof almost don’t cut the situation justice, especially when so many guards had ta get involved.” Applejack had a determined look on her mug as she tried vigorously to dissolve the mass of sugar crystals that now made up a large portion of her cup. “You were lucky Shining Armor came to bail you out.”
Again, it took a moment for Rarity to respond. “I should have never given that Prince Blueblood a second chance,” Rarity sighed. “Can you believe he only said he liked my gowns to get closer to some other mare? Sure she was probably more monetarily situated than I, but he could at least be honest about it.”
“Blue Blood is just too blind to see that yer more than a match fer him,” Applejack said.
Rarity looked as though she was gazing past the farm pony, twirling a hoof around her ear. Should I tell AJ? No, I have to be absolutely certain. I will have to confront Twilight first as well, Rarity thought.
“...Stallions. What can I say? They’ll even put money before a hot piece of flank!” Applejack said loudly enough for the ponies at surrounding tables to give her perturbed looks.
The unicorn did a spit take with her coffee. “Applejack! Don’t be so crude! It’s unladylike,” She gave an apologetic glance to the annoyed patrons.
“So you are payin’ attention. I’m startin’ to think ya didn’t just invite me here for a little break from what we just witnessed at the library. Tell ya what. I’ll start bein’ more ladylike when you start bein’ less of a drama queen and tell me what’s really on your mind,” Applejack said.
Rarity opened her mouth for a retort, but stopped at the sight of Applejack's determined look of deviousness. Rather than tempt further embarrassment by the orange one, she thought of a different tactic.
“So if what you say about stallions is right, you think I am a ‘hot piece of flank?’” Rarity proclaimed at a perfectly obnoxious volume.
Applejack started kneading her braided mane. “I uh... what ah mean to say is...”
Rarity broke in to spare Applejack's pride. “Enough about me, what about you?”
“What do ya mean what about me?”
“Do you have any interesting stories to share of recent events? Maybe about somepony?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I heard Twilight did some apple bucking with you at the farm. I never took her for the most physical of ponies, let alone one to get involved in showponyship. How did you get her to do it?”
“You know I’m not one for gossip Rarity, but I can tell ya that I met a royal guard this morning. He must have been one of the princess's personal guard, based on his armor and such. Unfortunately he was here to investigate the bunny stampede that wiped out the Carrots’ carrot plots. Of course the first stop would be ta ask the neighbors. At least he was a handsome fella.”
“So you like the strong, noble type, huh. Seeing as you are here and not being carted off to Canterlot, I take it they didn’t figure out how you did it?” Rarity raised an eyebrow once again.
“Now Rarity, you know I would never do anything like that. Besides, I don’t know how I could make all those critters listen ta me. This whole situation has actually made it a bit harder for us Apples, keepin’ up with demand for veggies and such. You know I cannot tell a lie; not a convincing one anyway,” Applejack preached, placing a hoof over her heart.
“You know I was just teasing, dear. I’m still curious about Twilight though? Maybe she had something to do with it. What was she like when you worked with her the other day?”
Applejack just scowled at the white mare. “I don’t gossip, Rarity. Besides, I can’t see her going that far.”
“Don’t think of it as gossip. More like re-telling a story. If you just tell me exactly what happened, you couldn’t possibly be doing any harm.”
Applejack reached a hoof to adjust her braided mane. “I guess so. It would make more sense if I started from the beginning though. I’m still a little curious about some things myself.”
Applejack began with the Carrot’s remarks after receiving help from the other Elements, following her refusal to accept help. She ended her story with how she had to carry the pooped-out purple pony back to the public library.
“How clever of you, hitting her sweet spot for The Princesses I see.”
“I feel kinda bad about it. Especially when she got all bent out of shape.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much. I’m sure she got over it.” Rarity stood up and slipped on her saddlebags. “Well thank you for your time again Applejack. I always enjoy our little chats, but I must get some work done before I meet our little bookworm for my magic lesson.” Rarity got up and started towards the boutique before she was stopped by a question.
“This wouldn't have anything ta do with Twilight and her robo-twin, would it sugarcube?”
“No. I was just simply curious about the details of that day, dear.”
Rarity turned to leave, but was stopped by a tug from behind. The unicorn stopped dead in her tracks to prevent damage to her fabulous tail.
Rarity was met with a hard look from the farm pony. “Are ya sure you don’t have somethin’ you could tell me?”
Rarity fluttered her lashes. “When would I ever lie to you? Now I must get back to work so I won't be late for Twilight’s lesson. You know how she hates being off schedule.”
“Now Rarity, you may have fooled everypony else about Twilight’s birthday dress and other ‘white lies,’ but don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Applejack put her hat back upon her head. “Now I’ll ask you one last time and be on my way, but if I find you were hidin’ somethin’ later, I’ll be on ya like caramel on an apple.”
If I am right, I don’t know what I'll do myself? “Oh, dear Applejack. I can assure you that I am not hiding anything you should know about.” It technically wasn’t a lie.
***
Celestia stirred as the glare of the afternoon sun crossed her eyelids. Her little assistant lay peacefully next to her, rather than in his basket. Celestia rubbed the sleepiness out of her eyes. She was not startled by her purple hooves, having grown somewhat used to it by now. It was strange not having part of her vision blocked out by a flowing pastel mane. Her horn was much shorter as well.
Nightmare Night seems so close already? I guess the next week or so will be my last chance to set a few things right for you Twilight.
The thought of returning to the castle should have been comforting. She would be going back to her room, her servants, her sister, but something in her didn’t want to go back.
Here, things are simple. Here, I don’t really ‘have to’ do anything. Here I have a chance to ‘hang out’ as they say. Here, nopony has to wear clothes to be proper.
The solar goddess-turned-regular-unicorn looked into the hat box as if it were her usual stack of paperwork. I guess I must. Sometimes it would seem easier to give it all up, but I owe it to my subjects not to. Time passed as she started going through each slip of paper with care.
‘...I thought they were cheating at first, but even after splitting the three fillies apart, they still seem to get all the same answers. They are all getting 100% of the questions right as well. You are the only pony I could think to turn to. Do you think they are cheating and if so, how?
Sincerely
Ms. Cheerilee’
This was the fourth note Celestia had read regarding those three fillies. Is it possible they...no, it is highly unlikely. That little filly could never charge enough magic. Very unlikely in fact...It couldn’t hurt to investigate though.
Celestia fidgeted amongst Twilight’s bed sheets. She was careful not to wake the baby dragon curled up beside her as she settled in once again. A pink cloud of magic dipped back into the hat box of complaints and questions of the Ponyvillians.
It is odd; even being away from the castle, I still find myself tending to the endless needs of my subjects. Celestia sighed as she levitated the next note in front of her.
‘Greetings Twilight
I’m new to town and was wondering if you could show me around?
Greetings from Fuzzy Butt’
Celestia suppressed a chuckle. Though I guess one perk of being the Princess is you don’t get flooded with jokes like that. At least I hope it to be a joke. Okay moving on.
‘Dear Twilight Sparkle
I think Muffins.
Sincerely D.H and Dinky says hi!’
Celestria threw the slip of paper in the large read pile. “Huh? That isn't a question, a complaint, or even a request. Next.”
‘Twilight Sparkle
I KNOW YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. The royal guard I sent for will figure it out.
Carrot Top’
And next complaint that hopefully isn’t a threat or not a constructive idea.
‘Thanks for your support in my ‘research.’ If you want a place to hang and get out of dodge you should come by our crib. I have a new project you might like. I could use the company. Octy has been acting kinda weird.
Vinyl Scratch-DJ PON3’
The princess made a mental note to check out this new development by her favorite DJ before moving on.
‘Twilight, I’m still angry about how you upset my sister earlier today. You better make it up to her.
Cloudchaser’
“Was that a threat too?” She quickly lowered her voice, as Spike stirred a little. At least it looks like I’m almost done. She picked up the last note, which must have been one of the first in the box.
‘Why won’t you help me with my new trick idea? I’m not going to give up on this. I guess you just don’t want to be cool like me.
R.D’
That pegasus sure is persistent; I’ll give her that. Subtle, no. Celestia reviewed her mental to do list thus far.
Apologize to Lyra and Flitter
Find out what is going on with the CMC
Go check out Vinyl's new project
Give Rarity a magic lesson
Help Rainbow Dash with her new trick
Plus the remaining things from yesterday’s list.
Help Fluttershy with some unruly animals
Help Mayor Mare organize for Nightmare Night...
Oh yeah. I guess it’s about time I find a way to return Twilight and I to our proper bodies.
No wonder Twilight plans her life up to a month. I think I’ll be fine if I just wing it. This has to be far easier than dealing with the council and Equestrian politics, or at least more fun?
“Oh what’s this?” Celestia noticed a small glossy rectangle poking out from beneath Spike’s belly. The side facing up had a bit of hoof writing. She had to carefully jimmie it out from beneath him.
I’m sorry it has come to this, but if you don’t turn in that noise violation paperwork I may not be able to withhold this...bit of information. Celestia's violet eyes bulged at the photo on the other side of the threatening note.
“Oh, hey Twilight. What have you got a picture of there?” Spike said as he yawned.
Celestia quickly zapped the picture away with Twilight’s horn. "Oh nothing really." That cellist has played her last concerto.
Was that the picture Octavia took? I’m so dead. Spike quickly hid his guilty look and changed the subject. "That's nice. I just had the strangest dream. I thought one of your experiments was you, but then there was another you, and the other you was actually Princess Celestia. Well, more like Celestia's mind inside your body."
Spike snuggled up next to his caretaker and set his eyes on her lavender mug. "Isn't that just the craziest?"
"Oh Spike. What a wild imagination you have." She tapped him gently on the nose. "What happened to the real me, or my mind?"
"Well you're never going to believe this, but you had switched places with the princess somehow. I mean really, how could that be believable for a second?" He said, laughing it off.
“Why would that be so hard to believe? A lot of Star Swirl’s spells had much more complicated effects than that.” That pony really knew how to conjure up a mean black hole or quantum singularity. He was also a pretty good date, Celestia reflected.
“It’s not the technical details that get me. It just seems...irresponsible of the Princess to allow something like that to happen, especially if it weren't an accident.”
“Why do you say that? You don’t think Princess Celestia would have everything underhoof?”
Spike twiddled his fingers and looked apprehensive.“It’s not Celestia I would worry about. I mean I have known you a long time Twilight. If the Twilight I know didn’t freak out right away and cause some magical catastrophe...” He stopped worried he would gain the wrath of the librarian and considering the supply of books that could be thrown it seemed like a good idea.
“No, go on. This is all hypotheticals anyhow.” She smiled. So young and able to stand up for yourself. No wonder Twilight regards you with so much respect.
“The Twilight I know may let the stress of running everything eventually cause her to lose her head and she would likely not tell Celestia until it was too late, because she wouldn’t want to let her down. Considering the amount of magical power the princess has...everypony could be in danger.” He cringed, for the thought and in fear of how his maternal figure would react.
“The Celestia I know would not allow something like that to happen. I’m sure Celestia knows Twilight well enough to make her own decisions.” Don’t I? Yes, of course I do. I know my student like the back of my hoof...or her hoof in this case.
“I guess so, and I’m sure if this ever were to happen, Celestia would inform her sister and Shining Armor first. That way they could keep an eye on things.”
“How would you react Spike, ‘If’ this really happened?” She asked.
“Well, I would be a little surprised, but I would suggest Celestia switch back as soon as possible. I’m sure the princess would agree with me.” Spike nodded to himself with assurance.
“What if Celestia thought I could learn some important lessons? Besides, Celestia knows the solar goddess deserves a good break once in awhile. Anyhow, are you sure you could take the news without fainting?” The unicorn winked at the baby dragon before leaving the bed and heading for the door.
How did she know I fainted in the...it wasn’t a dream, then. Spike lifted a hand, as if poised to say something, but the unicorn had already left the library. He started chewing on a claw, quivering his lip.
“But...huh...you?” He never made a complete thought as he ran out after her.
“I guess it’s time to take out two clouds with one kick.” Time to go visit my little musicians, Celestia thought as she made her way next door.
***
Celestia stood outside Vinyl Scratch and Octavia’s shared abode. A purple hoof knocked forcefully upon the wood paneled door. After a few moments of no answer, she noticed two notes on the door.
‘Dear Vinyl and visitors,
If you are reading this I am currently performing with the Canterlot Symphony and will be back tomorrow. Isn’t that so convenient Twilight?
Sincerely, Octavia’
“Well played Octavia.” The unicorn snorted, before reading the second note.
‘Hey everypony! If you need me I’ll be at the edge of east Sweet Apple Acres and the Everfree, working on my latest invention. I would be working on it at home, but as you can see it broke all the windows last time I turned it on.
Hey, if you’re reading this Twilight, I don’t know what Octy is talking about, but you should come by and check out my latest project.
As always, wubba dub dub and see ya kitties. DJ Pon3 out!’
Celestia was about to turn and head for the farm, but instead started to circle the house. A thought crossed her mind. This may be my chance to end this. Most of the windows had been replaced, but not the one Celestia stood in front of. She stood on the spot, pausing to think about what she was about to do.
On one hoof, I am supposed to be a symbol of justice and uphold the law. On the other hoof, I made the law and I’m technically not that symbol of justice at the moment. I would also be sparing my student possible public humiliation and disapproval. Celestia started to climb in, but stepped back down. I mean is the picture even that big a deal? If I get caught, I will blemish the image of my student as a criminal and theft is always wrong. She put her hooves up like a scale weighing her options. Public humiliation of my most faithful student or disregarding my own laws and possibly painting mystudent as a criminal.
No, I will not let her beat me like this. She was about to hop through the unrepaired window, when she felt a tug at one of the cannons of her back legs.
“What the hay are you doing?”
“Ow!”
Spike’s voice caused Celestia to bump her head in the window frame.
“Oh, it’s just you.” She said as she made her way through the window.
“How long have you two been switched?” Spike asked from outside.
“Shh are you trying to get us caught? Just a few days...” Her whisper was cut off.
“When were you going to tell me, were you planning on telling me, have you heard from Twilight?”
“Not now Spike, I’m busy, unless you want to help, but I can’t teleport you in, in case they have magic security.”
“Nopony in Ponyville has security Celestia. Nopony breaks into each other's houses. They can’t afford it any...ahh!” Spike yelped as he disappeared and reappeared in the musician’s home.
“Shhh.”
“Twilight doesn't warn me when she does that either,” Spike said indignantly.
Celestia spoke like she was on a mission, ignoring Spike’s bout of questions. “I need you to help me find any copies of this photo. I’m sure you know it, because I found it under your belly back at the library.”
Spike looked uncomfortable then nodded, and reluctantly started searching. His head was still buzzing with questions. After a few minutes of searching they hadn’t found much besides lots of music sheets and electronic equipment. The first floor was a complete wreck, with clothes and DJ equipment everywhere. Celestia fiddled with Viny’s turntable for a bit and noticed purple shades looked pretty kickin’ on Twilight. There were various pictures of DJ Pon3 at some raves and dance. Octavia was even with the unicorn in some pictures, although she looked uncomfortable. The kitchen wasn’t much better.
Celestia giggled a little at the stark difference between the first and second floor of the house. Everything was basically spotless. Pictures of famous classical musicians hung perfectly straight in Octavia’s room. All that was on her desk was her latest piece. Celestia couldn’t help but to make a note on the page. It is a beautiful piece, but you could try a flat here. Her thoughts on the composition were interrupted by the baby dragon. He had opened one of the desk drawers.
“You are not going to like this.” He said as she stepped up to the drawer. There was a finely written note sitting in it.
‘I’m a little surprised you actually went this far, Twilight. I wouldn't be a very smart mare if I kept all the copies in the same place now would I?
Octavia.’
“Princess Celestia?”
“Yes, Spike?”
“Don’t you have more important things to worry about? Couldn’t you just put soundproof wards on these walls? That way you don’t have to turn in the paperwork and Octavia gets her peace.”
How astute, little one. I guess I have let my competitive nature get the better of me. Darn you Luna. “You’re right Spike. I thought about wards earlier, but I was too stubborn to make it that easy.”
She was a little rusty on the magic, but the wards went up easily. Not long after, Spike and the purple mare appeared at the front door once more. Before she could make her way towards the farm Spike started with a flood of questions again, sounding more hysterical by the second.
“Is Twilight doing okay, has she raised the sun yet, how much longer are you going to wait, what are you planning...”
The baby dragon was whisked up in pink magic and placed in the grasp of two lavender hooves. The purple unicorn started to shake the baby dragon to calm him down.
“Spike! You need to calm down and be quiet before you blow my cover. Do you understand? Twilight and I have complete control of the situation. You are going to have to trust our judgement.” She spoke only loud enough for him to hear.
She couldn’t tell if he was nodding from the shaking or if he was giving an answer, but she did notice the little episode was catching the eye of many townsfolks. There were a few awkward moments of staring from bystanders, even after she set Spike down.
“Aww no fair. Mr. and Mrs. Cake said I can't shake the twins while talking in third person,” Pinkie Pie said as she leapt out of a nearby rain barrel with a hoof-ful of party supplies. "You should go see Vinyl, it might be important. That or completely unimportant.” She scratched her chin in thought. “See you two in a few days at the big pre Nightmare Night party and then the Nightmare Night party. I just know it will be soo fabulistically awesomerific! I’m just bummed that I wasn’t invited to the big castle party.”
The appearance of Pinkie Pie seemed to have trumped the attention of the librarian shaking her baby assistant and the townsfolk resumed their lives. The party pony bounced away to do whatever it was she always did.
Spike was lifted onto Celestia’s back and they headed for the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. He had his arms crossed and occasionally held back the urge to ask questions. I guess I should go apologize for breaking and entering while I'm at it. Celestia thought.
When the time is right, I will get her to understand the seriousness of the situation. Even the Princess could be wrong...right? Spike held onto the dark mane with the pink and dark purple highlights.
***
Of course they couldn’t get to Vinyl without a hold up. Bon Bon stood in the path through the park to the farms. A solemn looking Lyra stood behind her. Celestia turned her head over her withers to whisper to Spike. “What's the name of the one in front of Lyra again?”
“That’s Bon Bon.”
Oh the one that called Twilight neurotic. “What seems to be the problem, Bon Bon?”
“Besides the fact that the amount of cataclysmic problems in this town has seemed to double since you got here and the fact that you hurt Lyra’s feelings, I don’t know. My candy sales business already has enough problems without malevolent forces and magical mishaps bearing down on me.” Her tone was cold and bitter.
Lyra tapped her friend on the shoulder and gave her a look of ‘you don't have to do this,’ but was ignored.
Celestia returned to the thought of ‘what would Twilight do?’ “I’m sorry you feel that way and Lyra, I’m sorry I blew you off earlier. It was very rude. If you still have that book I would be happy to read it.”
Lyra’s eyes lit up and she bowled past Bon Bon in a rush of excitement. “You would read it? I got it when I was using the original dimensional fishing spell that got me the first human artifacts. The way humans use magic with wooden sticks and travel in metal contraptions is absolutely fascinating. Although, I don’t appreciate how they call non magic users muggles. It seems kind of derogatory. ”
Celestia noticed the book’s title as it was packed in Twilight’s bags by Lyra’s magic. I think I read this one. She thinks it’s real. “It must have taken some advanced magic to procure this? I have been doing a bit of research myself. I didn’t want to tell anypony until I was sure of the findings. I would like somepony’s help with a spell that will surely shed some real light on the world of humans.”
Lyra raised both hooves in the air and squealed, “Yes I would love to! When can we start?”
“I have a lot of business to take care of today, but tonight might be okay. Just bring some bits for supplies and reagents and prepare for an educational endeavour. Lyra why don’t you hang out with Spike for a bit. I’m sure he can fill you in on the basic ingredients for an A.T.A.T spell.” I can’t have him blowing my cover.
Spike glared at Celestia with a look that said this isn’t over.
Celestia slung a hoof over Bon Bon’s shoulder. The cream colored mare gave her a look of ‘you aren't pleasing me that easily.’
“So you’re having some business troubles? Why don’t you take a walk with me?” Celestia ushered her along.
Before long Celestia and Bon Bon were nearing Ponyville’s farmland. “...and so all you really need is a new venue and new customers. Your sales license should still be valid in Canterlot as well.”
“Thank you so much. I never knew you were so versed in business planning. I’ll be sure to have a new shop in the capital in no time, and you were right. I can’t blame you for all the troubles in this town. It is Celestia’s job and Celestia’s principality.”
With that the two shook hooves and Bon Bon headed back to town to catch a train to Canterlot.
That may have not been what Twilight would do, but I’m trying to fix things and Twilight’s way may not be... the most effective...at least in this case.
***
As Celestia approached the edge of the farmland that bordered the Everfree, she spotted the DJ; or rather the rectangular metal contraptions she was tinkering with and a white flank adorned with a music note. She also noticed an extremely long extension cord running towards the Apple property up the hill to where she was working. When Celestia got closer, she noticed Vinyl's mane was a mess and she was slightly sweaty. The DJ was levitating a pair of pliers and a wrench. A few other tools lay at her hooves as she worked. It was now obvious that the rectangular objects were part of some speaker array. Judging from the sound it was no wonder their windows shattered.
Scratch quickly unplugged the system and noticed Twilight’s mane settle from headbanging. “Is something wrong?”
The DJ looked puzzled. “I’m glad you could make it. This baby was supposed to make a visual representation of the music from the speakers and be at least twice as loud, but there must not be enough power.” She dipped her head back into the box of wires and electronics.
Better to get right out with it. “Vinyl I broke into your house not too long ago. I didn’t take anything, but I can’t tell you why I did it.” She winced, waiting for the DJ to explode in anger.
“It's all good. I’m sure it was for a good reason. It’s not like I haven’t done my fair share of shady things. Heck that’s half of showbiz.”
The nonchalant response took Celestia by surprise and she fell to her plot in shock. Here I was worried about breaking one little law in the name of somepony else and one of my subjects just passes it off like it’s no big deal. What...what is going on in Equestria?”
Vinyl burst out laughing. “You should see the look on your face, it’s priceless.”
Celestia conjured a mirror and started laughing herself.This only made Vinyl laugh harder.
The two talked and shared stories for a time. Celestia learned that Vinyl Scratch wasn’t a bad pony, she just got into the wrong place at the wrong time, a lot. Whether it be debt collectors or crazed fans, she just couldn’t catch a break sometimes. She even took the law into her own hooves when she thought Octavia had been kidnapped.
As the white unicorn tinkered she intently listened to stories of Twilight’s adventures and how she and her friends saved Ponyville and even Equestria. I know you are much too modest my student, but you deserve some credit.
The conversation started to slow and Celestia started to take in the surroundings. Sure there was the Canterlot gardens, but that could never compare to natural beauty of the untamed wilds that were the Everfree forest. To other ponies it was a dark foreboding place, but to a goddess one did not have to worry about the dangers as much. The skies were clear and blue, thanks to the weather teams. Across from the woods, the Red Delicious and Golden Delicious apples were just starting to mature on Sweet Apple Acres. Off in the distance, there was a cluster of what looked like large birds. They couldn’t be birds though. What could they possibly be. She racked her mind until a certain letter came to mind.
‘I finally figured out how to send you coded letters, but I may have upset a few random dragons along the way. Keep a lookout in Ponyville for a while. Dragons may not be the only threat.’
Dragons, that’s what they are. Dragons! How am I supposed to stop a group of rogue dragons! The princess frantically looked around for something, anything to help. Even with the help of Twilight’s abilities in magic, there was just no way to stop the approaching onslaught of fiery doom.
The guards were closing in from every alleyway, street, and plaza, while pegasi guards pursued from the sky. Their target, a cream colored earth pony, was giving them a run for their money. Long pursuits were not unheard of when it came to powerful unicorns and pegasi. Unicorns could teleport, create oil slicks, turn invisible, or attempt a stand against the guards. Pegasi could simply outmaneuver ground forces. However, it was rare to see such a slippery earth bound pony such as this.
The guard who first spotted ‘the impostor’ hopped over some barrels the perpetrator had knocked over. Was this some professional spy? Who sent this pony and where the hay is Shining Armor?
“Stupid stupid stupid! Why did I run! The worst they would’ve done is fine me. Not that I can afford it right now. Who knew years of running from irate customers would pay off?”Bon Bon muttered under her breath. As she bounded through a crowded plaza. There were five or six intersecting streets that met together in a large open area. In the center of this space was a large fountain which cascaded crystalline waters into layers of pools that ran down to lower parts of the city.
The sweets salespony received some odd looks when she reared up on her hind legs atop the fountain’s edge as she tried to see over the crowd. Who knew they would get so mad from somepony threatening her way into selling some sweets. There sure seem to be a lot of them.
Guards were coming from every direction. The only way out seemed to be following the Terraced pools of the fountain down to the lower portion of the city. She regretted destroying her goods by jumping in the cool water, but she was forced into the water as a pegasus guard nearly tackled her from above. Wet saddlebags quickly became the least of her worries. The water grew more swift with each pool she was carried into. Whatever channel this was, it seemed to be collecting drainage from other channels as well. She was stuck in some sort of waterway that appeared to end abruptly at the horizon line. Does this...does this drain off to...why is this place built on a bucking cliff!
***
Where a proud captain once stood, a pink unicorn with a sapphire blue and cerulean mane stood dumbstruck. The stallion’s once rugged and robust structure was replaced with the more feminine curves and slenderness of the mare variety. The Cutie Mark on their flank was left the same, as no mere magic could change that. The face of Twilight’s BBBFF, was still locked in a mix of shock, nervousness, and a tinge of anger.
“What! What did you do to me? What is wrong with my voice? It sounds higher than...oh Celestia you didn't.” Just let Cadence kill me now. Shining flopped on the floor, letting out a long forceful breath.
The white alicorn returned from Luna’s walk-in closet with a light blue dress. It must have been ancient, because a cloud of dust billowed off of it when she gave it a magical flick. “Well this was the only one that might fit...why are you on the floor?”
“Why me?” The voice begged for pity.
“If I didn’t know better, I would say you’ve been spending too much time with Rarity. Now get up and put this on.” A gold aura enveloped Shining Armor and placed her on their hooves.
“There is no way I am wearing...that. Why couldn’t you have just made me invisible, or something besides this?”
“Sorry, I tried to tell you this was the only spell I could think of right now and that I may not know how to...but that’s not important now.” That was close, she thought.“The important thing is that spell I cast should cover your magical signature with mine or Celestia's I guess, and even if she could track it now, she wouldn't recognize you.” Celestia’s face was locked in a sheepish grin. Shining was unamused.
“This is the only way we can cover your flank. That is unless you want to deal with that?” Twilight said, as she pointed a bare hoof to the doors. She still hadn’t put the gold shoe back on after tossing it into some books. Another resounding blow to the chamber doors sent a few splinters across the room.
Little sis, what are you hiding? I guess it’s not the most important thing right now. “Face further possible humiliation for the rest of my professional career, or face the mare on the other side of those doors?” Shining hypothesized.
“There is a better chance nopony will find out if you wear the dress,” Twilight said in a sing song voice.
“Twilight, give me the dress.” There was almost no hesitation. A stallion has to have his priorities.
***
Things had gone well for Claymore and Morning Star for about two seconds. Claymore was able to redirect Cadence’s first bull rush away from the doors with the side of his blade, but only with the help of Morning Star bracing him from behind. Even then, the force of the blow resulted in an instant headache from the magical feedback. Claymore could barely levitate his sword anymore.
“Why won’t you just move out of the way?” Cadence yelled in annoyance.
Star took the brunt of the next blow as she tried to tackle Cadence from the side, but to no avail. The pegasus was sent flying and the alicorn pounded the door with a magically enhanced head butt. Portions of the door were starting to splinter and the wood panels groaned in retort.
The pair of guards shook their heads and regrouped in front of the door as Cadence backed up for another go. The two were barely standing and panting hard. "We may...need to think...of a better tactic," Claymore rasped.
“You don’t say,” Morning Star replied sarcastically.
“I didn’t want to do this, but you two leave me no choice!” Cadence yelled again, her face turning from pink to reddish with rage. She began charging a spell much more powerful than a simple battering ram. “TAKE THIS!”
A blue bolt of energy was heading straight for Claymore’s chest. He shut his eyes tight, not having nearly enough speed or energy to dodge it. The sound of an armored body hitting marble echoed throughout the hallway, only it wasn't his armor that caused it. The stallion blinked when the end didn’t come. His eyes grew wide at the limp pegasus before him. Blue traces of magic flickered around her body like little electrical currents, before dissipating.
“No!” After removing the armor from her midsection, Claymore swept Morning Star into his embrace. He nuzzled her chest lightly, completely forgetting the pink alicorn who continued to pound the door. She may have been annoying, unprofessional, snappy, and annoying, but she didn’t deserve this.
***
Twilight thought about bracing the door with Celestia’s magic, but it would only make Cadence more sure that she was hiding the captain in her room. The door looked as though it were on it’s last legs as the whole thing buckled with each new blow. She looked over at her brother as they waited for the inevitable. They both looked rightfully nervous.
“Oh! I almost forgot something really important.” A gold glow surrounded the stacks of books in Celestia’s main chambers. “There, now when she breaks down the door the books will be nice and safe.”
“Twily?” The feminine voice sounded annoyed.
“Right, sorry,” Twilight said as she extended her protection spell over her brother as well, smiling sheepishly. “There.”
Shining barely had time to facehoof before the door exploded into a shower of wood and metal bracings. Metal bolts, splinters and rivets shot across the room and clinked to the floor or bounced off of Twilight’s barrier over the books. Before the marble dust could settle from the doors being ripped from the walls, slow hoofsteps could be heard as Cadence emerged from the cloud. This left the two alicorns and the pink unicorn to face each other in front of the gaping hole.
Twilight knew the door was going to fail, but the implications of the event hadn’t really hit her until now. The true horror of the situation struck her, and a little spark of anger came alive.
Celestia's form walked straight up to the pink princess. “Do you know how old that door was? Not to mention all these books could have been destroyed!”
Shining almost laughed out loud, but instead wisely stayed out of a potential fight amongst goddesses. Cadence, you’ve already made the first mistake.Never endanger books or historical artifacts in front of ‘The’ Twilight Sparkle.
Cadence backed up a little from the muzzle of the sun princess, which was nearly against her’s. The question was so left field that her anger for her ex-fiance was temporarily forgotten.“Well I guess it’s been about two hundred and fifty five years since you blew up the last one. That is a new record I believe. I suppose I just destroyed an antique. As for the books, they seem fine to me.” She shook her head and rekindled her wrath to her colt friend. “Now, where are you hiding that ungrateful, dishonest, disloyal little...”
“They seem fine? THEY SEEM FINE?!,” Twilight said as she cradled a small stack of texts like it were a foal and nuzzled it. She had addressed the books as a mother would to a foal.
Shining had just finished cringing at every insult her ex-marefriend said, then rolled her eyes at her sister’s use of the canterlot voice to defend literature. Leave it to Twily to care about books like they were ponies.
Cadence didn’t know what to say. She had a very confused and almost worried expression on her face. So who invited Weirdlestia? “When did you become so...protective over literature? Seriously, anypony?” She spotted a pink unicorn in a blue dress and assumed it was a staff pony. She repeated the question again. The unicorn just shrugged.
Cadence turned back to Celestia. “This staff mare looks filthy. You should order her to get cleaned up.”
“Maybe that’s because some pink monstrosity just rained marble dust everywhere on their oh so civilized visit,” Twilight said with vicious sarcasm.
“How could you do this to her?” All heads turned to the distraught unicorn guard at the door. He was holding a limp pegasus in his forelegs.
Celestia’s face became a mixture of sadness and concern. “Did you k...kill that pegasus guard?” Shining tried to make her way to her fallen guards, but tripped on the dress falling flat on her face.
“What? No! Don’t be ridiculous,” Cadence said.
As if to answer Twilight’s own question, a quiet voice from within Claymore's grasp grabbed the attention of everypony. Thank Celestia she’s alive. He leaned in to hear her better.
“You have gorgeous blue eyes like vast oceans, you know,” Morning Star said as she pulled Claymore into a choking hug and series of pecks to his muzzle. At least he would have been choking, if he didn't have heavy armor on.
“See, it was merely a strong stun spell crossed with a spark of love. It’s funny, I aimed for the stallion because I thought he had feelings for her, but it turns out she had feelings for him. Otherwise my little spark of love would have failed.” Her voice sounded as though she was enjoying the sight of her hoofwork.
Cadence observed the relieved look on Celestia’s face. Shining Armor had stopped heading to her guards once she notice an evil grin growing upon Cadence’s muzzle. “Wait, wait! I see what’s going on here,” The Love Princess pointed an accusatory hoof at Twilight. The full rage from moments ago had returned.
This time, the white alicorn backed up a little into the bedchamber. “You...you do?” I never thought I would be so scared of my foalsitter and now she knows that I’m not Celestia. Now Luna is sure to find out. Twilight was about to break down into tears.
“This is all your fault! You thought you could distract me with your guards and your new reading addiction. Here I thought Shiny had betrayed me, but it was you! You used your sunny charms to take him from me!”
What? “What did you just say?” Jeez, she acts like she has never been rejected before. Maybe she hasn't. Who could reject the goddess of love?
“You heard me Celestia! I’ll save him from your promise of sunshine and rainbows,” Cadence said as she frantically began searching the rooms of the royal sisters for her coltfriend. Shining did his best to steer clear of both the alicorns in the room while staying close enough to keep an eye on them.
Twilight caught up to the pink blur of the raging alicorn. “I’m not interested in Shining Armor! He’s just scared of you. You’re acting crazy!” She immediately regretted saying the ‘C’ word, clasping a hoof to her mouth.
An eye began to twitch and Cadence had a bout of hysteric laughter. “Crazy? You think I’m crazy?” Her wide smile and unkempt mane was not helping her case. “Well I’m not the one hiding stallions in my room and stealing them away from their marefriends now am I?”
“No, but neither am I. You should calm down. I’m sure he’ll turn up.” A defeated look grew on Cadence’s face and Twilight couldn’t help but to lay a foreleg over the smaller alicorn's withers.
“You’re probably right. I have been acting out, just a little bit,” her face turned dark , “but you failed to hide the trail of fallen books, and this.” She levitated one of Celestia’s gold horseshoes from amongst some of the publications, smiling widely once more. “You know what they say, if the shoe fits. Now where is he?”
The love princess surprised Twilight with a swift tackle. This launched the pair into a very unprepared Shining Armor and the three landed in a heap of paper and feathers close to the tower balcony. Twilight was the first to free herself from the tangle of hooves. Cadence started to rise as well, noticing something odd about the serving mare that was groaning in pain under her weight.
“Celestia, why is this servant practically covered in your magical signature?” She got a closer look at the pink unicorn. “Why is she wearing one of Luna’s old dresses?” That mane looks so familiar, and so does that sheepish grin.
“Oh...that. Well..this,” Twilight mumbled.
“Who is this? I haven't seen her before,” Cadence asked with growing suspicion as she stood over the quivering pony.
“Oh, you mean Shine...Bright. Yep...I accidentally spilt tea on her serving uniform and I thought some of Luna’s dresses might look nice on her. That’s why my magic aura is on her, you know swapping all the dresses,” Twilight said with a bright smile, obviously a little nervous. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
“I can look past the perversion of Luna’s privacy, but how do you explain the royal hoof covering?” Cadence said while levitating the royal accouchement before Twilight's eyes.
Twilight had run out of plausible explanations. “I was getting annoyed at absentmindedly touching my face with the cold metal and threw it over there in frustration.” Ironically it was the truth, but the most unconvincing truth she had ever told.
“Riiight,” Cadence said. She picked up Shining and noticed the dress had ridden up her flank. She was about to pull the cloth back down and apologize, but not before she fell onto her back in a fit of laughter at the sight of Shining's cutie mark.
“You...you hahah. You changed him...her...Shiny. All to hide...bwahahah!” Cadence's legs kicked in the air as her wings involuntarily twitched.
At first, Twilight was worried, but she couldn’t help following suit and collapsing in laughter as well. Even if it was at her own expense, Shining couldn’t help from at least letting loose a bit of nervous chuckles with the two royal figures.
“Oh Auntie, I must go get my camera to commemorate this hilarious moment.” By the end of this announcement, Cadence had stopped laughing and started to head across the messy chambers for the doors (or the archway where they once were).
“I think we should go now,” Shining whispered just loud enough for her to hear.
“Why, so she doesn’t have embarrassing photos to give to the guards?” She teased.
“That, and she never never calls Celestia ‘Auntie’ unless she’s really mad. I doubt she is just getting a camera.”
The white alicorn’s legs shuddered. “You...you mean when she blew up the bucking door she wasn’t ‘really mad’?” Twilight was losing whatever cool she had, as Rainbow Dash might put it.
Twilight’s brother gave her a look for her colorful language. “Do you really want to find...ooof! Wait! where are you taking...oh by Celestia’s ethereal mane!”
***
A guard posted on top of one of the castle walls was tempted to turn towards a series of odd noises. The disturbance could be best described as a pathetic girlish scream, followed moments later by a bellow of unfiltered rage. However his orders were to watch threats approaching from the city without falter. The sounds were probably just the animals in the Canterlot Gardens that froliced behind his post. Besides, what threat could possibly be in the castle unless somepony got past the guards?
If he had betrayed the direct orders from his captain, he would have seen a white and pink streak free falling from Celestia's balcony, moments later followed by a larger pink streak accompanied by the glint of a claymore held before it.
***
“ARE YOU CRAZY? I DIDN’T KNOW YOU KNEW HOW TO FLY YET!” Shining yelled over the wind rushing past their ears.
“I...I ‘KNOW HOW TO FLY. I JUST READ FOUR BOOKS ON FLYING THIS MORNING. REMEMBER, I READ ALL THE WAY TO ‘S.’ Twilight had a hurt look.
Shining could swear there would be a hoof shaped bare spot from face-hoofing before the day was out. “WELL COULD YOU HURRY IT UP?!
For better or worse, her yelling hid her initial fear from her brother. In her head she recited the steps from, “Flying, the Basics of Pegasus Flight and Weather Control.”
Step one: Spread your wings...check.
Now instead of screaming to their doom, the pair were gracefully speeding to it instead.
Step two: Check to be sure your wings are free of debris or foreign material...check.
Step three: Make sure your pinion feathers are straight...
“HURRY WE'RE KINDA RUNNING OUT OF ALTITUDE!”
Twilight looked down at the unicorn in her hooves. “I’M ALMOST DONE WITH THE SAFETY CHECKS. FLYING ISN'T TILL STEP 12. GIVE ME A MOMENT.”
Pinion feathers...check.
Step Five: Ask your doctor if flight is approp...
“WE DON’T HAVE A MOMENT, SKIP TO THE FLAPPING PART!”
“FLAPPING ISN’T UNTIL STEP 15, BUT OKAY.”
As the siblings raced towards the unforgiving ground and statue garden, Shining’s last thoughts came in. He closed his eyes and waited for the crunch. At least Twilight would probably live.I mean Twilight already fell around 400 barrels when she teleported from Ponyville. Wow, we have been falling for quite a while and oh crap, I’ll be a mare at my funeral.
“I’m doing it, I’m doing it Shiny!”
It was far from pretty, but sure enough the distance to the ground was growing. The guard on the the wall almost fell off due to the low pass the two made over his head. Before the guard could be sure of what he saw, Twilight banked back towards the castle.
She was quickly getting the basics down and learning how wing positioning affected her flight path.
“Well Twily, if we weren't under chase by my ex and terrified of falling, this would be pretty amazing. I have never flown outside a royal carriage before. Whoah,” Shining said as he was hoisted onto Twilight’s back, the alicorn circling up and around various castle towers.
“Is that better? I can really see why Rainbow loves this so much.” She looked up to smile at her passenger, but jerked back when she almost hit one of the marble spires. Twilight’s ears drooped back. “You don’t really think Cadence will stay mad forever? It would be all my fault.”
“I don’t know what will happen, but whatever does it won't be your fault. Mares are crazy like that.”
“Yeah they...hey!” She smiled a little at his tease. ”Seriously though. If I hadn’t freaked out about the letter and touched Celestia and frustrated you at Donut Joe's...then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt...and...” She was starting to get teary eyed, which was making her flight a bit choppy.
Shining chuckled and nuzzled Twilight’s large white cheek. “You always try to take all the blame, even when it’s not yours to take.”
Celestia’s head settled into the touch. “You ‘always’ know how to make me feel better.”
“Look out!” The two narrowly dodged a walkway connecting two towers. “Don’t worry about the past. Right now we just need to lay low until Cadence calms down. That, and it would be nice to discuss problems when I’m not in danger of falling to Tartarus.” Just as he finished, something caught his eye.
What is that little pink and silver dot? It’s getting bigger. Is thatClaymore’s sword? “Twilight?”
“Yes BBBFF?”
“Run!”
“What do you mean run? We’re kinda flying right now.”
“FLY FASTER!”
***
A tall, dark blue mare made her way down the hall as her shoes clacked against the polished floors. She was levitating many different scrolls and manuals in front of her as she went. “So Tia, we had some questions about the taxes on the night establishments of our fair city Canterlot. We were curious as to what function a ‘night club’ had.”
Luna finally looked up from the paperwork. She calmly observed her surroundings as she walked past the two struggling guards, past the obliterated door, around the stacks of books in her sister's chambers straightening a few stacks as she went and finally to her room. I wonder how many doors my sister has extinguished in my absence. Luna silently made her way back to the entrance and used a counter spell on the pair of guards on the floor. Morning star suddenly let go of Claymore with a nervous chuckle and joined him in a deep bow to the Night Princess. “Who has been in our royal wardrobe?” Her neutral expression did not betray any emotion.
“We...we don’t know your Highness,” Claymore could barely keep himself from shaking in fear.
“Well dost thee at least know what has transpired to leave this door in such a poor state?”
“It was Cadence, your Highness,” He winced, but she still seemed as calm as ever.
“We see that she has taken your weapon. Judging by the evidence before us, thou hast fought valiantly to guard our sister, but alas, thy efforts hath failed us,” the dark alcorn said as she charged her horn for a spell.
I thought I was home free once I survived fighting one goddess today, but no, they all want a piece of me. At least getting killed by the Princess of the Night is more dignified than being killed by the Princess of Love.
The air crackled with dark electricity, and a long dark object came into existence. Claymore couldn’t help looking up at what appeared to be a long, broad blade, black as obsidian.
“Claymore, was it? I believe this to be close to thy weapon of choice.” Luna lowered herself just a fraction. “Perhaps a superior weapon will prevent further failures.
“This is so badfla...I mean thank you my liege. Yes this will be more than sufficient,” The stallion said suppressing a grin.
“Now, thou must get this place back in order. We expect repairs to begin immediately.” With that, Luna started down the hall.
“Excuse me your highness, if you were looking for Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence, they disappeared off of the balcony over there and thank you, for breaking that spell. I thought I would die of suffocation.”
“That struck us as odd. It would appear that thy niece’s spell had already worn off, but there is a chance we were mistaken. We thank thee for thine intelligence,” Luna said before preparing to fly off the balcony.
Claymore glared daggers at Morning Star. She shrugged. “I couldn’t help it. Besides she said she could be wrong.” She winked. “I just wish I got a cool weapon too. It’s not fair.” Claymore motioned for her to quiet down.
Luna’s keen hearing picked up the complaint across Celestia’s chambers and she turned to the beaten pegasus. “We know not what a ‘cool’ weapon refers to, but perhaps later we could bestow an ice enchantment upon thy morning star. That would certainly make it ‘cool.’ With that, she spread her majestic wings and with one forceful flap took off from the balcony.
“Okay, I take it back Claymore. You have the most awesome job ever!” she gushed.
“Well don’t get used to being mixed up in battles amongst goddesses every day. Although, I got this new sword in the ordeal.”
“Hey, let me see that thing.”
“No, Luna gave it to me.” The unicorn held the dark blade away with his magic as the pegasus danced around to snag it.
“What the hay happened here?” A mare’s voice broke the guards less than professional display.
Claymore cleared his throat. “Sorry,” Both guards spoke in unison as they got back into position in front of the doorframe.
The purple unicorn with a pink streak in her dark mane cocked her head sideways. “You do realize that you're guarding nothing right? Ooh, that sword looks like the ones used by the guardians of the gates of Tartarus. Can I see it?”
“Sure, here ya go.” How could I say no to Celestia’s student?
“Sure, don’t let the trained guard see it, but let a little mare have her way with it,” Star threw her hooves in the air in defeat.”
“Hey! I’m not that little. I am Twilight Sparkle...well sort of.”
***
“Shiny, it seems like no matter where we run she finds us eventually. I hid our signatures and everything. ” She was breathing heavily.
They had tried hiding in almost every establishment and nook and cranny, but Cadence somehow found them. Though they may have gotten a break for the moment. This day everypony saw a whole new side of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
“I’m impressed that you were still able to attend that council meeting. It was just like, ‘I’m Princess Celestia. Here and accounted for. You need to hire more mason workers, taxes in the south city should be raised by 1.5 bits and the answer to that zoning problem for the new wagon factory is 42.’ The council was totally confused. I just feel bad about that poor stallion's cabbage cart you destroyed on our way to Joe’s.”
“I just haven't quite gotten the landings down quite yet,” Twilight said, blushing slightly and swatting Shining in the face lightly with one of her wings. “My favorite part was that stallion that actually told Cadence to quiet down at the movie theatre.
Shining rocked in laughter at the memory.
“Although that is hard to compete to when those stallion’s at the milk bar tried to flirt with you.”
Shining just glared. Never again. “I guess I can't complain too much about your flying, seeing as I’m not dead yet.” Shining moved in to hug his little sister before she could swat him again. “If anypony told me I would need to watch out for my sisters wings a few days ago, I would have sent them to the loony bin.”
“Heh, heh. Well if anypony told me I would be running this nation in an alicorn body a few days ago I would have told them there is a better chance of Pinkie Pie saving the world with a party.”
The two shared another laugh, sitting on a broken wagon in an unmarked alleyway. Twilight shed the giant rabbit costume she had picked up. She had torn holes for her wings at one point to escape ‘the pink death.’
“We were just lucky Cadence broke off to save that poor pony that apparently fell from Canterlot Falls. I wonder what all those guards were doing in the main square?”
“I was wondering the same thing. I hope they can handle it.” Twilight lay a bare hoof on her brother’s shoulder. “Sorry I’m keeping you from your job Shiny. I guess you can’t really talk to the guards the way you look right now. However, I can tell you my hypothesis.”
“Hypothesis for what?”
“Well, ever since you explained what Rule 63 of War Engagement meant. I have been trying to figure out what General Double Edge and that Griffin Swift Claw are up to, and I think I may have figured it out while we were hiding at Octavia’s concert.” Her face indicated she was breaking into the all too familiar lecture mode. “You said the rule allows the General to declare war on any entity that attacks Equestria and that is what they said their ‘plan B’ is based off of. We know they want the jewels in the Diamond Dog caverns, but I don’t think that is all they’re after. They want Equestria at war for some bigger reason.”
She paused, but Shining knew not to interrupt her when she got like this.
“Did you notice how many troops they wanted us to send? It is way more than they would need to take out the Diamond Dogs. More would be sent, if, say, Ponyville were attacked. If that town Gryffindor were simultaneously attacked by the Diamond dogs, then Griffin soldiers would have permission to be sent to that town, which happens to be the closest town to Canterlot.”
Twilight’s proud smile dwindled a little. “The question is why would the Diamond Dogs pull a suicidal maneuver like that? The General wants the capitol vulnerable for something, but I can’t put a hoof on it yet.” She looked up to see that her brother was a bit distracted. She was a bit crestfallen that he had missed her whole lecture. “Look, I’m sorry again that this whole mess is keeping you from work.”
Wow Twily, I never figured that the basics I taught you lately would go so far. “Huh? Oh no. Don’t worry, its my primary goal to protect the Princess Celestia anyway. Besides, I’m sure once this blows over I can get right on it. About my looks though...”
“If it was between Celestia and me, who would you chose to protect?” The question rushed from Twilight’s lips like an uncaged timberwolf. That came out more serious than I had hoped.
“Hey, I wasn’t finished with my quest...” Shining’s objection was overruled by Twilight once again.
“I want to know!” and I don’t want you to be mad about that other question you were going to ask.
Twily, that question isn’t fair. “I...I don’t have to choose. You are the same pony now so to say. Now, how about you change me back already. I think I’m starting to get fru-fruey urges or something,” Shining said as the once stallion shifted uncomfortably.
“You always were good at finding loopholes in my questions, BBBFF.” She looked down in shame. “I...I don’t know how to change you back.” Her softness rivaled Fluttershy.
Shining leaned in close to the sun goddess’ body. “What was that sis? I didn’t quite catch that.” The fur warmed him from the chilly autumn air. A white wing moved in from his other side to comfort him as much as possible.
“I don’t know how.”
The Captain of the Royal Guard gave himself a once over. His mane turned into a blue inferno beside Twilight.
Disclaimer: This chapter contains dubstep that does not necessarily reflect my or DJ Pon3’s taste in electronic music.
For those who don’t know, right click the blue text and open in new tab to hear the song that goes in this chapter.
***
Chapter 10: Chaos Control
(Celestia)
***
“Just one more dress to go and I can finally complete Hoity Toity’s order,” Rarity spoke aloud while she moved her hooves dangerously close to the pumping needle of her sewing machine.
“Rowr.”
“I know you want to spend more time with me Opal dear, but you know Twilight hates to miss an appointment.”
“Rowr.” The fluffy feline rolled her eyes, but Rarity was too engrossed in her sewing to notice.
“You’re so sweet, wanting to spend more time with petite moi...wha ha ha!” Rarity yelped. A glancing fireball heated the window beyond its limits. The glass shattered and a rush of warm air swept through the room. She rushed down the stairs of the boutique, out the door, and stood slack jawed at what she saw. There were dragons in Ponyville. Rampaging dragons yelling for Twilight Sparkle to give herself up. I must find the others.
***
Celestia was shaking slightly as she turned her head away from the sight of the large silhouettes, to her favorite DJ. “Hey V...Vinyl?”
The white unicorn lifted her head out of her project. “What’s up? Why ya shaking so much? It’s not that cold out here.”
“How many unicorns in Ponyville know defensive magic?”
Vinyl scratched her head with a levitated wrench. “Besides you, I can’t think of anypony else. I do know some offensive magic if that is any use.”
“That’s what I was worried about,” Celestia said as she tracked the silhouettes getting closer and closer to Ponyville. “Wait! You know combat magic?”
“When I say offensive I really mean offensive magic. At least that’s why Octy disapproves of it.” Vinyl ducked back down for a moment to tweak a wire. “So unless you count madly waving a bar stool with telekinesis as ‘combat magic,’ you’re out of luck. Anyway, what’s this about?”
“Do I even want to know what ‘offensive’ magic is, or what you do at bars?” Before Vinyl could answer, Celestia refocused on the matter at hoof. “Nevermind. What I’m worried about is that,” she said pointing at the sky.
DJ Pon3 lifted her shades a tad and squinted at the shapes flying across the sky. “Huh. Are those dragons? You know, I think I played at a club owned by a dragon once.”
“You aren't concerned about this?” Celestia quelled her nervousness, taken aback by Vinyl’s calm demeanor.
“No, no, I’m pretty terrified. It’s just crazy stuff is always going down in Ponyville so I tend to skip over the whole running and screaming phase.”
“Oh. I guess I should go help the town now. I don’t suppose you want to come with?” Celestia said not quite sure what to make of everything.
Vinyl lowered her shades over her eyes. “I can’t leave a fellow unicorn hangin’. I’ll do what I can..?”
The air crackled and a bright orb of light materialized just above Celestia. Vinyl gawked while electrical bands around the orb faded away.
“Oof!” Three small bodies fell upon Celestia’s back, forcing the purple unicorn to the dirt.
“Now that, that was surprising!” shouted Vinyl.
The orange filly was the first to speak. “Hey Vinyl! Have you seen Twilight anywhere?”
The DJ simply pointed at Scootaloo’s hooves. “Oh, sorry Twilight,” Scootaloo said, stepping off the mare’s back.
“Did...did it work?” Sweetie Belle’s eyes were spinning and she wobbled off Celestia’s back. She twirled once before collapsing in the dirt by Celestia.
“Did we get it, did we get time travel saving the world cutie marks?!” Applebloom chased her flank in a circle on top of Twilight’s body to check for her mark. “Aww horseapples, it didn’t work.”
“Well we haven’t saved Ponyville yet,” said the orange filly.
“That means we wasted all that time for nothing?” Applebloom complained.
Scootaloo scratched her chin. “Well it was all time travel, so we technically didn’t lose or waste anything.”
“Tell that to my aching head and body, because I feel wasted,” Sweetie broke in, holding her head with a hoof. Vinyl couldn’t help but chuckle in sympathy.
The small hooves on her tense shoulders was finally enough to get Celestia to get to her hooves. Her speech was anything but coherent. “Where...how did you...it isn’t possible.” She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “Whatever. I don’t have time for this. I have to go save the town or something!” She said as she bolted for Ponyville proper.
Before she could make any progress, she was stopped by by Scootaloo and Applebloom. “Wait! That’s exactly why we came here...I mean now. Whatever your plan is you can’t do it!” The fillies said in unison.
None of the group noticed a cyan dot growing in the distance.
“Okay, then I’ll just wing it.” Celestia tried to move on, but Sweetie moved in the way, still looking very dizzy. The sound of rushing wind was building nearby.
“That’s what you tried the second time. Try a plan C.” Rarity’s sister suggested.
I can’t waste an ounce of magic to get past these children. “But I don’t even know what plan A or B was. I don’t have time for this. I’ll be careful. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Ponyville is leveled, you suffer magical burnout and Celestia...mhmhm mhm.” Sweetie’s mouth was plugged with Applebloom’s hoof.
“Celestia is happy that everypony got out okay. Twilight, yer gonna have to come up with somethin’.” Applebloom broke in.
Rainbow Dash came to a rough landing beside Twilight and Vinyl, nearly tripping over herself. “TWILIGHT! There’s a bunch of dragons rampaging through town looking for you!”
“I know, I know!” Jeez, no wonder Twilight freaks out sometimes.
“Then why isn’t your plot in town already!” Rainbow yelled, trying to hide her own bit of panic.
“If I can't make a plan or wing it, I’ll just do something crazy!”
Celestia tuned everything out. The three fillies were spouting random plans, Rainbow Dash was screaming in her face, and Vinyl was asking if she were alright. She focused her thoughts and all became a quiet buzz. She scanned her surroundings thoroughly ignoring the lips moving on everypony.
I have the fastest flyer in in Equestria, three time traveling fillies, a DJ and...
Her eyes fell on Vinyl’s invention. “Hey could I take a look at that?” She stated it as a question, but just pushed the DJ out of the way.
Vinyl was too curious to really care. She just watched Celestia go to work.
After some close observation Celestia made a few adjustments. “So if I connect this cable to this one instead and tweak this...it might work.”
“Yeah, except if you set it up that way you definitely won't have enough power, even though we’re hooked to the transformer at AJ’s place...unless...”
Celestia looked dubiously at the DJ. “...unless we juice it with magic! Don’t worry. Whatever happens, I’m sure Celestia will forgive us for any collateral damage.”
“What the hay, Twilight! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!” Rainbow was really yelling now.
Celestia ignored her. “Vinyl, get those speakers set at a forty three degree angle towards Ponyville. I’ll be back soon, so be ready. I’ll warn you when I get in range.
“You got it, Twilight.” Vinyl nodded in confirmation. “You might want some eye protection, here,” Vinyl passed her a backup pair of shades from the tuntable nearby.
“Thanks Vinyl. Hey Rainbow. If I recall, you were able to carry a squad of Wonderbolts and Rarity during the Best Young Flyers competition?” Celestia asked with a slight smile.
“Yeah...umff! What the hay, Twilight?!”
“Let’s ride,” Celestia said as she nudged Rainbow Dash in the sides for takeoff.
***
The Princess and the speedster reached town in no time. Dash filled in Celestia on what she knew. They landed behind a nearby building. Luckily they hadn’t been spotted from below. Celestia quietly crept around and peeked into the square. The Dragons had a large number of the townsfolk surrounded near the central fountain. She turned around just in time to stop Rainbow Dash from a suicidal charge at the dragons.
“Hey! Why did you stop--”
“Shhh. Are you crazy Rainbow? Don’t you remember how well kicking Firewing in the jaw went?”
“Who what now?”
“The big red dragon that was sleeping up in the mountain.”
“Oh, how did you know his name?”
“Celestia told me. Now we have to be quiet and think of a plan before...”
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” The gruff voice was not the low gravelly thunder of an adult, but a teenager. A threat not meant to be taken lightly, considering dragon years are a lot longer than pony years. “We know you’re out there somewhere. Now give yourself up quietly and nopony gets roasted. Don’t try any funny stuff neither. Come out alone and these pitiful ponies can go home.
To think I would usually be in court at this time. Celestia frowned. Maybe I should have listened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Then again, I would have missed out on all this ‘fun.’
“Rainbow, stay here. I’ll handle this.”
“Like Tartarus I’m letting you go all alone. It’s like five versus one out there and two of them are huge. Let me go with you at least.”
“You heard what they said. I can’t risk getting somepony hurt.”
Rainbow grabbed Twilight by the shoulders. “I’m not letting you go out there alone. Can’t you just turn me invisible or something?”
“It’s not that simple...or is it?” Celestia took one more look around the corner. “Alright, you can come, but I do all the talking.”
“We don’t have all day you know!” Ripjaw snarled with contempt.
“Neither do I!” Celestia declared when she entered the street and stopped outside the encircled crowd. Everypony and dragon turned to face her. Ripjaw swooped in and roared in her face. Nopony dared to speak out.
“Now let my ponies go! You are already breaking the peace treaty between our kind, drawn up by Princess Celestia herself.” The sun princess was unwavering. Twilight’s voice can sound intimidating.
“Nopony goes until I’m done with you. You think a little piece of paper and a little pony like you can stop me? HA!” Ripjaw turned to his brethren. “See how these ponies don’t fear us like they should? Let’s see how great Celestia thinks she is when she couldn’t save poor Sparkle butt here. Then we’ll get the respect we deserve...”
Celestia couldn’t help herself from breaking into great bouts of laughter. Why don’t you ask her how great she thinks she is?
“What’s so funny? You’re about to be roasted?"
Oh, how the seed of doubt has been planted. “Oh you’re too funny...Ripjaw. First of all, you don’t know who you’re messing with right now. Believe me you don’t. Now why don’t you and your buddies fly home before you do something you'll regret.” Please just go away. I haven't had afternoon coffee yet.
“Ha! You don’t know anything about me and what I'd regret, but I do know you have a relation to Celestia based on some dumb letters we got. I know you’re name is Twilight Sparkle and that you’re about to be history.”
“You forgot the most important part of my ‘history.’ I’m Celestia’s personal student, bearer of The Element of Magic and have faced far worse than you. I would know, I've read your file. Twelve ft long from head to tail. Red scales and yellow eyes. Born of Flametongue and Pop seventeen years ago next week. Only scored two point two out of six on his last flame test. Runt among his group of hatch lings. Threat level...low to minimal. I have all the intel on all of you.” I've got him on the ropes now. Look at him squirm.
“So...so what? You can’t take all of us. Right guys?” Ripjaw’s peers were backing off and the larger dragons looked indifferent about the whole thing. Ripjaw was responsible for this attack. Leaving him to the first strike would leave them in less hot water if the fuzz caught them. A few citizens took advantage in the gaps between their captor and galloped off.
It looked like the crises had been averted, but an invisible pony beside Celestia couldn’t resist a little jab before the dragons started taking off. “That’s right. All bark and no bite. Go ahead and run home to mamma!”
Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, Dash thought.
“Oooh, burn!” One of the other teen dragons cooed.
“Shut it, Smog. I’ll break your nose!” Ripjaw turned back to Celestia. “Prove you’re all powerful.” The town gasped as Twilight was engulfed in flames. Rarity shrieked in horror and Pinkie Pie pulled out her party cannon loaded with Hearth’s Warming Eve fruitcake and fired at the nearest dragon.
***
“Hey, was that Rarity?” Celestia asked as they passed by the Boutique on an overhead pass.
“I sure hope not. I would never hear the end of it if she saw me giving you a ride.” Rainbow Dash rubbed a hoof down her face.
“Are you worried she'll want a ride too?”
Dash looked back at her passenger, obviously unamused. “I could dump you off you know?”
“I could have teleported away instead of shielding you when you rattled your mouth off back there.” I don’t know how Twilight deals with her brashness.
“Harsh much?” When did Twilight get so...snappy? At least more than usual.
“Watch out!” Celestia got Rainbow’s attention just in time.
A fireball whizzed past their right. Another struck town hall, setting the roof ablaze. Celestia cast a quick water summoning spell to douse the flames. It was hard to aim spells as Dash went into a barrel roll, dodging more searing hot orbs.
“Your aim is as bad as your breath!” The pegasus yelled back as she blew a raspberry towards the dragons.
Celestia zipped above Ponyville, casting shield spells over passing structures and ponies in danger. The pink protective bubbles dissipated as quickly as they were cast, all to save precious magical energy. Most ponies were already indoors, but the ones outside watched Twilight send knock out bolts and stunning rays of magic towards her foes.
The bolts were like elongated pink ovals, while the rays were like poles of light, racing to spear the scaly invaders. The rays of magic echoed through town with an unearthly ping, cracking fragile glass below. Oops. looks like Octavia and Vinyl need new windows again.
The two adult dragons in the group swooped in to cover the others. Their thick magically resistant hides absorbed the blows for their more vulnerable brethren. Every now and then a random object flew at the dragons from Pinkie’s cannon. The party mare raced from roof to roof before the dragons could take a good shot.
Good, they’re all following us now, Celestia thought as her ride went into more arial loop-de-loops and tactical maneuvers. The goal was to get them to follow her, and so far the best results came from shouting insults.
“Your mother was a squirrel and your father smelt of Poison Joke.”
“Really Twilight? Is that the best you’ve got?” Rainbow Dash jabbed. She turned to the nearest dragon trying to move in from the right. “Hey scaley! I bet your brain isn’t any bigger than your chicken ancestors!”
“What an academic insult. Bravo.”
Rainbow wasn’t a stranger to sarcasm. “Hey. Don’t think I’m an egghead. Scoots had history today.”
“Today’s Saturday.” Celestia deadpanned.
“See, only an egghead like you would know that so fast.”
“Let’s just move on with the plan. I feel like I’m halfway to my limit casting all these spells. We just have to make it to Sweet Apple Acres. I hope Vinyl is ready. At least Bon Bon isn’t here to blame Twilight for this.
Another plume of fire narrowly missed her head. This is going alright. The CMC had me worried for nothing.
***
As cool as most ponies thought DJ Pon3 was, Vinyl felt she was a real tech geek at heart. While she never was good at anything but simple telekinesis and a few special effects spells, she always had a knack for innovation. The magic she did know she was really good at.
Vinyl continued to fiddle with her rig after Twilight and Rainbow had left. She wished she could be in town to help, or watch what was probably an awesome battle. She had at least come up with a few new album and song titles. Ride the Rainbow, Unicorn Warrior, Dragonforce vs Airborne Magica. That’s a good one.
After blowing a lock of her wild mane out of her eyes she continued tinkering; the unicorn musician thought about how she came to like music and how she had come to live in Ponyville. This one pony town certainly isn't as much of drag as I thought it’d be.
Growing up in Canterlot, her parents tried to give her an appreciation for classical music, but it needed to be more exciting. It was take your daughter to work day at Canterlot Sound Labs and filly Vinyl had somehow snuck out of the break room.
She had seen plenty of diagrams, manuals, and schematics that her dad brought home over the years and got right to experimenting. Before anypony could stop her she had already ‘fixed’ one of the prototype speakers and a butchered re-mixed version of Neightoven’s Ninth Symphony bellowed from the lab speakers. The glass in the lab was supposed to be shatter proof, but nobody told that to Vinyl.
The Princess was at the lab that day to oversee a new com system for the castle. She had been both confused and amused at Vinyl’s new cutie mark and stopped the guards from arresting her family. The incident was likely the reason anything more advanced than a toaster was soon forbidden from being installed in the castle. ‘For the protection of the Princess’ they said. The whole story made her both embarrassed and proud...mostly proud.
Nopony knew if she knew she was changing the tambor of sound waves by altering their tone. In other words what, would become dubstep. Whatever the case, It was no wonder that she would go on to make dance club culture exponentially more popular as DJ Pon3.
Between paying for equipment and Vinyl’s reckless lifestyle, she had to move to Ponyville. The rent was dirt cheap. The good news was a certain cellist had had enough of the city life between her shows and moved to Ponyville.
Vinyl? Can you hear me? Hello? Over. Celestia's thoughts broke her away from her thoughts.
Telepathic communication was one of those simple spells most unicorns could use, but it was considered rude amongst non unicorns. That, and if two unicorns thought at the same time it functioned like a psychic attack.
Yeah? What’s up? Over. Vinyl thought back.
I’m too worn out. You’ll have to use the power from the farm and some of your own magic when I get there. Over.
That shouldn’t be too much trouble if... “Oh buck!”
What is it? What’s going on Vinyl? Over.
AJ must have unplugged the system. Vinyl started running towards the Apple’s barn. That and I forgot my Epic Saving the World Wubstep Track at home. Over.
Vinyl swore she could feel a mental facehoof. Well get it plugged back in because we’ve got a lot of friends on our...
Twilight..?”
...
Twilight!
...
TWILIGHT!
Vinyl. I don’t think we’ll make it. Ponyville is in your hooves. I know you can do it...over
Don’t you dare give up on me! We still have a show to do.
***
Celestia and Rainbow were falling from the sky like a smoking fighter plane.
“Twilight! Do something!”
“There isn’t enough time!”
“Well at least one of us has to make it,” The cyan pegasus flipped over, pulling Twilight’s body close and wrapping her wings around her purple coat.
“But Dash, I probably won’t make it anyway.” You sure know how to pick your friends Twilight.
“Shut it egghead,” Rainbow said. Her eyes were closed and watered a little.
The two were so focused on each other, they didn't notice the light blue glow around them.
“Oh how noble of you Rainbow Dash. Are those tears on your cheeks?” Rarity chuckled, mostly out of relief.
Rarity let Twilight and Rainbow Dash out of her magical field and set them on the grass beside the road.
“If you tell anypony I was...I mean the rushing wind was making my eyes water. Ow! Ow wing hurts.” There were a few burns on her primaries.
“Dash, let me take a look. I’ll just use a light healing spell and...there, you won’t be flying just yet, but it shouldn’t hurt so much.”
Rainbow met Celestia’s gaze. She was still a bit shaken. “Th...thanks Twilight.”
“Girls, I really hate to break up such a sweet moment of near death experience, but we still have a group of dragons to deal with. Is it called a group, or is it a flock...a swarm?
“That, I believe is called a flight of dragons, Rarity.”
“Uh, who cares what it’s called we have to go, now!” Rainbow yelled as she led the way towards the farms in a gallop. I can’t believe I almost admitted she looks cool in those shades.
When Celestia came over the crest of the hill, Rainbow Dash was already looking over Vinyl’s design. There were large number of speakers of all kinds aimed at the sky. The whole system was held together by metal bracings hastily bolted together.
“I don’t even know what this is, but it’s soo awesome,” Rainbow’s voice cracked. She looked at some lettering on the side. “I wonder what BC-1.0 means?”
Celestia got right down to business; the dragons were closing in. “Rarity, see that main power cable? I need you to feed a steady flow of magic into it on my signal. I’ll be feeding energy as well. Dash, use the console over there to keep an eye on the levels and make sure we don’t literally blow this. Oh, and you might want to put on some ear protection before...”
“WE HAVE YOU NOW!” roared one of the elder dragons. They stopped short when they spotted the speaker system. Rows of woofers and subwoofers made up the majority of the gargantuan speaker system, while midranges and tweeters were jammed in between the and around the bass makers. Fully erected, it stood about fifteen feet high.
“NOW!” screamed Celestia. Rarity started to feed energy into the cables and Rainbow Dash pressed the big red button.
They all prepared to go deaf. The invisible sound waves scattered the dragons, but they were still coming. The little pulses weren't enough to drive them back. Ponies in town rushed back indoors at the siren like sound.
The entire flight of dragons released a torrent of fire. The reflection of the wall of flame grew larger on the purple tint of Celestia's glasses.
“WE NEED MORE POWER!” Celestia was barely audible.
As if on cue, Vinyl’s thoughts came in. Lets wub this place out of existence!
Celestia could feel the DJ’s magic coursing from the farm along with ludicrous levels of electricity. The system kicked into full power. The rings around the speakers glowed, magically giving the soundwaves color. There was enough energy that Celestia could use telekinesis to aim the rig like an anti air gun.
“COME GET SOME!”
***
Back at the farm, a confused Applejack stood next to the Apple’s modified power transformer and DJ Pon3. The raw power from the dam was pouring into the cables. A tear fell from under her purple shades when a rush of wind swept over them.
“It’s...so...beautiful.”
“It’s...so...obnoxious!” yelled AJ.
“You must be a country fan.”
They watched as the last of the dragons fled back towards their home crater.
***
Celestia felt foalish for forgetting to make a lesson plan for her and Rarity. At least she knew where Twilight gave her last lesson. She met with Rarity on a grassy knoll in the park, along with various sized crates and barrels that Applejack was more than happy to lend for the lesson. Celestia admired the large stack of boxes and crates she had moved all at once. It really is amazing how much magical strength you have Twilight. I’m so proud to be your mentor.
She filled in Rarity on what happened that morning before she had shown up. She was careful not to mention that Rarity’s little sister was a time traveler.
“Can you imagine? Rose Luck thought that the tremors caused by Vinyl’s invention were giant earthworms. Thank Celestia it was just dragons and of course I’m also happy you weren't harmed by those cold blooded ruffians. They would get everything absolutely filthy. The giant worms I mean.”
“You would rather have dragonfire rain down from carnivorous reptiles than have muddy holes throughout the town?” Celestia said, raising her brow. “I’m just grateful that Vinyl knows a hearing repair spell. That ringing would have driven me insane.”
“True. This town doesn’t need more of that,” Rarity teased. “That’s for scaring me.”
Everypony has to pick on poor Twilight. “Anyway, we're kinda getting off task here. Why don’t you start with some fine magic control with these apples.” And I’ll consider circumnavigating some policies on combat magic. It’s time more unicorns in this town knew how to hold their own.
“Are you sure you’re not too tired Twilight?”
“I would hate to miss my appointment with you. Don’t worry, it wasn't anything a little meditation couldn’t fix.”
“You know how to meditate to regain magical power?” Rarity asked with an odd expression.
“Yeah. Unicorns back...I mean a long time ago used it. Anyway, let’s continue with the warm up. Then you can run me through what we have covered before.”
For the next half hour or so the pair of unicorns lifted various objects for fine to greater magic control and strengthening. Having worked in the boutique, Rarity was able to handle fifteen to thirty apples quite gracefully.
This really does remind me of when I taught Twilight the basics. Now she rarely even asks for help. Celestia was so distracted she didn’t notice Rarity had finished with her review by teleporting an apple ten or so feet. An apple appeared above Celestia’s head and skewered itself on her horn.
“Oh! What sorry. I was just thinking about something.”
“Thinking about what, dear?”
“It’s nothing. Hey, if you can do that with an apple, you may be ready for teleporting something a bit more complex. Maybe even somepony?”
“Do you really think so? You said you didn’t want me teleporting ‘complex forms’ for a while.”
“More than half the work in teleporting is precision and the rest is basically channeling enough energy. You just showed me precision with this apple. You also showed some strength with the lifting exercises.” Celestia flicked the apple off her horn and caught it in her purple muzzle.
“Impressive but gross, Twilight.” Rarity beamed with delight. “You really think I’m ready?”
Now it may get a bit scary. I don’t want to end up like that pair of guards after Twilight’s first attempt. Two heads are not always better than one. Celestia put on a confident face. “Sure, now just concentrate on me. Just use your magic to make sure you can feel all of me in your magical weave, charge up the energy for the spell, concentrate on a spot five or ten feet away from me and release the energy. Just be sure you can always feel the entirety of my form before you release.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Rarity looked worried.
“Don’t worry. If you mess up, it’s most likely that nothing will happen.” Oh Luna why am I trusting her. Calm down, calm down. She is a student of my most faithful student after all.
Blue energy developed around Twilight’s body and Rarity’s horn. Celestia could feel the tingle and lick of the field forming around her. She closed her eyes as the feeling grew stronger. Rarity’s horn started to crackle and spark. The sudden feeling of being stretched and pulled like taffy came over Celestia and then it was over with a flash.
Rarity stopped wafting the smell of ozone away. “Oh my stars!” she gasped, when Twilight’s body collapsed to the grass covered ground.
“Oh no. what have I done?” The worried unicorn leaned in close to her friend’s face. “Of all the worst things that could happen, this is the worst possible thing!”
Celestia couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “I’m sorry it was a bad joke, a bad joke, congratulations on a success!” The purple pony got to her hooves. “Seriously though. Who actually says ‘oh my stars’ in a situation like that?”
Celestia was whisked up in Rarity’s arms in a bone crushing hug. “You had me so worried.” She grasped Twilight’s shoulders in her hooves. “Now don’t you ever do anything like that again. If Fluttershy had been here, she would have...is that a royal guard?”
The pegasus came in for a smooth but certainly not dainty landing. “Excuse me citizens. My name is...”
“Hey Stonewall, what brings a royal guard to Ponyville?” Celestia interrupted. Please tell me he’s not here for me.
The pegasus looked clearly annoyed. “Greetings Ms. Sparkle. I am looking for a yellow pegasus mare. Did one cross this way?”
“That’s awfully vague Sir Stonewall. Do you mean cream yellow or butter yellow? I mean that leaves Strawberry Sunrise, Sunny Rays, Tracy Flash, Gumdrop, Lavender Skies, Golden Glory, Parasol and--”
Stonewall was getting flustered. “I’m sorry Mrs...”
“Ms. Rarity. Fashion designer and proprietor of the Carousel Boutique,” she said as she flipped her mane.
“Well, Ms. Rarity, let me continue. She has a pink mane and three butterflies for her cutie mark. She goes by the name of Fluttershy. Have you two seen her or not?”
“I don’t know. That depends on what you want her for,” said Rarity, filing her hooves nonchalantly.
“That is none of your business. Just answer the question. You're interfering with an investigation.” Stonewall stomped a hoof. The gesture fell short of intimidating because of the soft grass.
“Ah, so you are investigating something. So is Fluttershy a witness? Surely she is not--”
It wasn’t much of a surprise that she couldn’t pick up anything more than a few wispy bits of Celestia’s trail. Luna switched over to the vibrant energy that would lead her to Cadence. What game art thou up to this time, sister?
As the shadow of the mighty night princess passed over the heart of Canterlot, Luna released a sigh. As usual, citizens darted into their homes or cowered as she trotted nearby. Luna proceeded down the cobble streets until she came upon a stretch of road covered in broken glass.
A brown colored stallion was busy sweeping up the mess, looking down as he worked. The black bangs of his mane covered his eyes slightly. With a quick spell, the shards rose off the ground as if moving back in time. The storefront of the ‘Masquerade Costume Shop’ was good as new.
“That was quite the spell... Princess Luna!” The stallion exclaimed. “I didn’t expect one such as you to be out this time of day. He knelt down before the princess. “Veneer at your service.”
“If thou art wondering why we are awake, we figure that a polyphasic sleep cycle will be more productive than traditional habits.” Luna lowered her head. “Thou mayest rise, my subject. We grow tired of our subjects’ groveling and cowering.” She turned to indicate the ponies freezing in the street or fleeing with a wide berth.
“You sound flustered your Highness. Why don’t you come inside and tell me about it?”
“We do not truly have time for...”
The stallion was already heading through the doorway. “A cup of coffee and an open ear are the least I can offer for fixing my store.”
"We suppose..." Luna accepted a cup of plain black coffee and followed the brown fellow as he reorganized various masks and costumes around the shop.
“We are befuddled at how news of our reform has not become known in our kingdom? When will it be acceptable for us to kiss foals on the forehead and cut unnecessarily large ribbons with giant scissors? It appears that the blight of Nightmare Moon will haunt us forever.” Luna gave a critical look to the stallion. “Why art thou so calm in our presence? Art thou not worried we will bring darkness upon thy soul?” She almost went into the Royal Canterlot voice.
Veneer chuckled, hiding a bit of nervousness as he pulled a Nightmare Moon costume off of a rack. “How could you be mistaken for this? Nightmare is a cold black, while you are a majestic mix of purple and blue. Besides that, your cutie marks are complete opposites.”
Luna blushed slightly, but became dower once more. “If what thou sayest is true, a large majority of our subjects are unobservant and judgemental. The acceptance of this would mean the masses are somewhat naturally ignorant.”
“Exactly, so it’s not your fault they misunderstand you,” Veneer said with a hopeful smile.
Luna sank to her rump. “Our education system has failed the ponies of Equestria.”
“Are you really going to blame yourself for that? You were sealed in the moon for the last thousand years.”
“We suppose...yes. Thou art right. However, this means The Council and mine sister are to blame!”
"I'm not one to get between family, but that does seem to be the logical conclusion." Veneer gave another hopeful smile.
"Yes, how could we have skipped over this logical path?" Luna finished her cup of coffee and conjured up some bits onto the cashier's counter.
"I'm glad to help, but there is no need to pay for my advice your highness. After all it is you who repaired my window."
"This is not for thy words, but instead for all of thy Nightmare Moon costumes." The dark alicorn started removing six very convincing costumes from the rack nearby.
“Ah, so you are a fan. Those are my most popular this time of year. I think I have finally gotten the starry mane down pat. I oversaw the enchantment myself. It will even disguise your magic to match Nightmare's. Though I am curious what your highness plans to do with so many?"
Luna finished her coffee and set the cup down on the counter. "WE WILL GIVE THEM MAGICAL LIFE TO CREATE AN ARMY OF NIGHTMARES AND RETAKE THIS UNGRATEFUL CITY!” As she spoke lightning struck from a mini storm above Luna. She noticed Veneer was just staring at her. “We were only acting in jest. What we do with our purchases is none of thy business. Oh, and could we get a holding apparatus for all of these?"
Veneer chuckled uneasily. “I figured you must be joking, but my ears would not agree.” The stallion put the costumes into three shopping bags. “If you’re looking for Celestia, she bought my only extra extra large bunny suit and went flying off with some pink mare with a blue mane riding on her back.
"We thank thee for thy services." She gave a shallow bow and left with a jingle of the bell above the exit.
Veneer wiped a few beads of sweat from his brow. That was close. I thought she would shut me down for sure. Veneer looked at his cutie mark of a white pony mask. She sure has anice flank for being imprisoned for a thousand years. Before getting back to work the middle aged stallion couldn't help himself from imagining some sort of lunar aerobics.
***
Luna continued to track the Love Princess until she came upon a mass of royal guards peering over the edge of Canterlot Falls. Luna landed quietly behind the guards and placed her bags on the ground. The guard’s heads all moved upward as Cadence appeared from below and landed gracefully amongst the guards ponies.
The Love Princess lowered Bon Bon to the ground before the guards. “Is this who you were searching for?”
One of the guards nodded after he knelt down to bow. “We believe she may be a spy, Your Highness.”
Luna walked up to the two ponies. “We do not mean to interrupt, but we are looking for our sister. Hast thou seen her?”
The guard looked to Cadence. “Does she mean ‘we’ as in you and her or ‘we’ as in old Equestrian, because I thought Celestia was your aunt?”
“It would be the latter. Luna, I have not seen her but when I do, she’s gonna get it.”
“Cadence, we believe it is not healthy to grind one’s teeth. What has caused thee such upset? Hast she gotten thee with the pranking?” asked Luna.
“I would stay and tell you all about that except I need to question this suspect first, then I’m going to destr... I mean have a chat with your dear sister and the Guard Captain. Judging by how many guards it took to catch this mare, she may need another escort.” Cadence gave a stern look at the nearby guards, who shuffled uncomfortably in embarrassment.
“May we join thee? It has been ages since we have participated in interrogation. You can tell of your quarrels along the way.”
Cadence couldn’t turn down Luna’s eager pleading eyes. “Fine, you can come along. If you are looking for Celestia as well then we can work together.”
***
The air felt cold and stale on her coat. It was too dark to see anything, but she could tell there must be some sort of table in front of her. The shackles connecting her forelegs together clinked against the cold metal surface before her.
“Aghh!” Bon Bon yelped as a bright light flickered on, momentarily blinding the mare.
“So, Bon Bon, if that’s even your real name,” Cadence said cooly. Bon Bon couldn’t see the princess’ face past the blinding light as Cadence spoke again. “Our cutie mark records say that’s who you are, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t be a spy, or an assassin! I want to know what you were really doing in Canterlot?
“What are you talking ab--”
A second voice chimed in from behind the light. “We doubt thou just happen to lookest like the impostor. Now tell us what we want to know and maybe this will rather end less painfully.”
“I... I’m just a sales... salespony, nothing else.” The cream mare quivered. Why me? Why does it always have to be me?
“Likely story. Why would you just happen to come all the way from Ponyville today?” Bon Bon could hear Cadence pacing in the dark.
“Twilight! Twilight said it would be a good business move!” Bon Bon blurted out in fear.
“Exactly!” A hoof pounded down on the metal table. Bon Bon caught a glimpse of a metallic blue horseshoe before it receded into the dark. “Thou would think it a good business deal to remove one of us from the mortal plane. Thou must tell us who is working with this Twilight so we may smite them?”
Bon Bon heard scuffling and hushed conversation.
“Luna, can I see you outside for moment?” Cadence whispered while lightly ushering Luna out the door. Bon Bon closed her eyes and waited for whatever was to come next.
“I thought we agreed you would be playing good cop and I would play bad cop,” Cadence said.
“We are most apologetic Princess Cadenza. We thought we were playing the cop of goodness? We are more used to yelling and threatening. It often leads to confessions.”
If that’s what she calls good cop, then I’m scared to see what she thinks is bad. “You're supposed to sympathize with the suspect. Make them feel that if they confess, the punishment will be less severe.” Cadence cut off Luna just before an objection. “No, telling them things ‘will end less painfully’ is not encouraging for the suspect.”
The lunar goddess scraped a hoof across the stone floor. “Oh, we are starting to understand, Princess. How hast thee become so familiar with interrogation techniques?”
“I’ve learned a lot from Shining Armor lately. Would you please stop calling me princess? Now--”
“We are sorry daughter. We will no longer use that title.”
“Just Cadence... just call me Cadence. It’s less complicated that way.” I should have just let it go.
“Very well,” Luna said, oblivious to Cadence’s frustration.
“Now, I’m relatively sure this mare is a salespony like she said.”
“What makes thee so sure?” Luna asked.
“She’s probably talking about Twilight Sparkle. If she were a professional spy, she would not be so careless as to affiliate herself with somepony as well known as an Element of Harmony.”
“That is a most logical deduction. That means we must simply ask if Twilight Sparkle is who she was speaking of.” Luna conjured a quill and paper. “We will send a letter to Twilight to confirm this mare’s story.” She quickly finished the message and sent it off in puff of magic.
“Now you are getting into the swing of things,” Cadence said as the pair made their way back to the interrogation room. Luna stopped at the door.
Luna looked puzzled. “We do not see how gathering information from suspects correlates to pendular movement of objects.
“You know, getting the hang of it?”
Luna looked around the hall. “Hang on to what?”
Cadence clasped a hoof to her forehead. “No, getting into the swing of things is a way of saying becoming more skilled in something. You really should get out more.”
“We just went out today. Ah, here is the letter we seek." A scroll appeared in a puff of magic. Luna unfurled the scroll.
Dear Luna,
It is most unexpected to hear from the Princess of The Night. I hope we can chat some time under better circumstances. I am the one who suggested Bon Bon to head to Canterlotand I can assure you that she is not a spy. Please give her my apologies. I wish there was a way I could make it up to her.
Your loyal subject, Twilight Sparkle.
A good twenty minutes later, Luna and Cadence left the interrogation room.
“Perhaps offering monetary compensation was not the best idea?” Luna said.
“That Bon Bon sure knows how to drive a hard bargain.” Cadence looked over at Luna. “By the way, what are you doing with all those Nightmare Moon costumes? A better question is what is Bon Bon going to do with one?”
“Why must everypony be concerned with my purchases?” Luna huffed.
Later that day, Bon Bon happily boarded a train on a full stomach. She gave a menacing look at the train attendant who insisted he help carry her large sack. It turns out going to Canterlot was profitable after all.
***
“I never thought that I would want to skip a city planning meeting, but there are so many more important things for me to get done right now. This is like the third meeting today,” Twilight said.
“I never thought I would be wearing clothes I borrowed from Princess Luna. What am I supposed to do while you're busy? I can’t exactly do my job like this,” Shining said, indicating his pink coat. Luna’s dress was spotted with dirt and sweat.
Twilight scratched her chin with a gold clad hoof. She had placed a warming spell on all her shoes so as not to surprise herself with the cold metal like before. “You have a point. I know! I’m giving Shining Armor paid leave until further notice.”
“Okay that’s great and all, but who will handle the new recruits and manage the squads?”
“You will,” Twilight said matter of factly.
Shining contorted his feminine snout. “I don’t get it.”
“Shine Bright can be the new Captain of the Royal Guard.” Twilight continued to smile at her brother.
“You expect me to just waltz up to my squads and say, “Hey I’m Shine Bright. Shining is on vacation so I’ll be the new Captain that nopony has heard of before.” The mare stopped in front of the Council Chambers. “Besides, Cadence still wants our heads.”
Twilight winced. It wasn’t easy being hunted by your favorite foal sitter. “I don’t see why it won’t work. Your guards can’t exactly question a superior officer, and Cadence wouldn't expect you to just return to your job.”
“But... I--”
Twilight had already entered the meeting room and the doors sealed tight.
Shining expelled a deep breath and turned away from the towering doors of the main council chamber and headed out of the grand hall.
This day can’t possibly get any worse. A little chuckle left his mouth. “It can’t get any worse! Yeap, at least I have that for comfort.” A little swagger appeared in his steps as he left the hall.
“What can’t get any worse Ms. Hot Flank,” one of the guards to the Grand Hall said as Shining passed. The other guard whistled.
Shining’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment and rage. Damn, it just got worse... or did it?
The pink unicorn whipped around and glared at the two guards. “That is no way to speak to a superior officer! Silver Drop, Wingnut, give me forty wingups!”
“Whoa hottie’s got some lungs. That doesn’t mean you can boss us around. Shining Armor is our boss,” Wingnut chided.
“And even if you were, how can you prove it?” Silver Drop added on.
“Not anymore he’s not. The name’s Shine Bright, and I’ll be your Captain until Shining is back from vacation. However, seeing the sorry way you seem to act in his absence tells me he may be on the chopping block.” With a flash of magic the two guards were pressed against the marble walls by a shield spell. It’s funny. My yelling voice reminds me of mom. “As far as proving my rank, I don’t think you can afford to be wrong. Now drop and give me fifty!"
“Yes... yes ma’am. I mean yes sir ma’am sir!” The two pegasi fell to the floor and began their punishment while ‘Shine Bright’ yelled in their face.
Maybe I’ll find some joy in today after all, Shining thought as he headed for the barracks for a shower.
“What in Tartarus just happened?” Wingnut asked as he saw the captain round a corner.
“I have no clue, but we better finish these wingups and get to work in case she comes back.”
“I already miss the old boss.”
***
Twilight’s hooves clacked on the stone floor of the Council Chamber. It wasn’t often that one could hear their own hooffalls in this chamber. During most of her visits the room had been packed with dignitaries and politicians. It struck Twilight as odd that she had been the first to a meeting she just heard about. Thinking she may as well have a seat in her chair while she waited, the alicorn made her way over the mosaic of the royal sister’s cutie marks.
Before she even reached the table in the center of the room, a pattern of sapphire blue light lit up on the floor. Twilight could sense magic being released into the shimmering lines. With a quick leap she landed safely in front of the room’s exit... or so she thought. She found that the towering doors were locked. A second spider web like design had begun to appear under her hooves. She turned away from the doors as the magical energies stored within took hold of her legs and she was stuck. The princess flapped her wings vigorously trying to break free and yelled out in anger and fear.
“Who’s behind this?! Guards, guards I’m under attack!” She continued to struggle against the bonds. “You won’t get away with this, whoever you are!”
“Are you so sure, Your Highness?” a sinister voice echoed throughout the room from the floor all the way up the vaulted ceiling. The curtains were magically drawn over the massive stained glass, enveloping the room in darkness.
Sapphire magic, could it be... “Cadence is that you?”
“Cadence? Why would the Princess of Love attack her aunt? Isn’t she supposed to love and tolerate all her subjects?” The stranger’s voice was clearly full of malice.
Twilight closed her eyes and started analyzing the spellweave for weaknesses. I just have to stall until I break free. The web of crossing arcane energy was laid out in her head. Twilight noticed that something about Celestia’s magic made the patterns as clear as reading a book. Let’s see what we're up against. It looks like a holding rune... and agh. Twilight could feel pressure on her horn. Alright, he also put in a magic suppression matrix. That would explain why I feel weaker, and the headache. Just stay calm. I Just need more time to think.
“Do you really think you stand a chance at defeating me?” There was a hint of fear when Twilight spoke in Celestia’s voice.
“Oh, I don’t think your demise is a democratic decision for you. There’s no way you will foil my plans this time.” Whoever the male voice belonged to was staying hidden somewhere in the room.
Who does this jerk think he is? “Could you have chosen a more cliche evil voice disguise? I will find a way out of this,” I hope. “By the way, in this democratic republic only the Council members are voted on, so technically your attempt at a witty insult is incorrect."
Twilight believed she identified all but one spell in the complex trap. I need to know what this is before I risk an escape. Think Twilight think!
“Foolish Princess Celestia. Soon you won't be lecturing anypony. By now I bet you have figured out the nature of that containment rune. A holding spell to keep you where you are, a magic suppression spell to keep you from tearing my head off, and for added security, I linked the magical drain from you to the holding and draining spell. The harder you try to escape, the more trapped you become.” A short evil chuckle echoed of the walls. “Judging by the look on your face, you have no idea what that last spell does do you? Although what should I have expected from one as ignorant as she is arrogant? You only have yourself to blame for letting me get to this point. The ‘high and mighty’ Princess Celestia always has things ‘under control’.”
The taunting voice was grating on her. “Just shut up! You have no idea what she... what I go through to keep everypony happy! Now come out here and fight me you coward!” Twilight summoned all her strength and fought against the circle’s grasp. If I suppress my magic output the circle can’t grow stronger. I just have to rely on brute force to walk out of this. The pain in her front leg was immense. The joints in her legs were being tested every second, but she was moving. She finished a second step and panted as the bluish tendrils settled back over the leg she had just moved.
“Well we can’t have that now can we?” said the voice.
Twilight sensed the activation of a new spell in the patterns below her hooves. It must have been the one she couldn’t identify before. It was taking some time to fully activate. Whatever it is, it must be powerful.
“Just because you have been around for thousands of years you think you know what’s best for all of us. I couldn’t find a way to remove that pesky immortality, so I settled with completely removing you from the equation.
I... I can'tfail. I have to win... for Celestia. “What do you plan on doing?”
Whoever was watching ignored her question. “It’s funny you know. I would never have come across this little spell if somepony hadn’t left the restricted section of the archives unlocked. It turns out Luna created some very impressive spells while she was Nightmare Moon.”
Twilight grunted. This is all my fault. I left the door unlocked... and now... The alicorn shook her head and slowly struggled on. Just a few more feet and she would be free.
He doesn’t want to be seen, so he obviously needs to keep his identity secret. He must have also used magic to make this trap, so he must be a unicorn. What did he say before?
‘There’s no way you will foil my plans this time.’
‘You think you know what’s best for all of us.’
Without a doubt, Twilight knew who this was. A small amount of confidence returned to the young student. The clues all added to one suspect. “I will stop you! General Double Edge!”Twilight was about to reach the boundary of the circle. She looked behind her and noticed the floor was rapidly disappearing. The alicorn was left clinging to the to the edge of the gaping hole below. Her gold clad hooves scraped on the floor; she was unable to pull herself up. Twilight looked down. Are those clouds?
Twilight turned away from the distraction. “Why are you doing all of this? This is madness!”
A white unicorn in well decorated armor emerged from the darkness. He had two long swords strapped to his sides. Double Edge smiled down at the helpless princess, illuminated by the light from the blue expanse below. He plucked Celestia’s tiara from her head and spun it in his magic. “Madness? No, I’m pretty sure this is an interdimensional portal,” he said as he kicked the goddess in the face and she fell backwards.
The air was unusually thin, which told her she must have been astronomically high in this alien atmosphere. The wind was chilling as it passed over her white coat and ruffled her feathers. Her body was slowly tumbling while she struggled to right herself. Each time she attempted to open her wings, she was sent spiraling in a different direction. The black dot that was her entry into this foreign realm was growing smaller by the second. She could imagine the triumphant look of the general peering down at her.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?! The biting wind tore the tears from her eyes.
I’ll be letting down the Princess...Equestria...my friends.
She recalled all the friends she had made. She blinked through the tears as she realized something. While the situation wasn't something she was familiar with, it was to a certain cyan mare she knew. Her loyal friend had come close to fatal accidents dozens of times, but Rainbow Dash always seemed to come out okay. Twilight wiped her wet eyes. If only she could recall the vital parts of information.
‘...Sometimes, I free fall on purpose, for dramatic effect.’
‘...out of control tumbling is still one of the leading causes of pegasus death.’
Twilight shook her head of the stray thoughts and concentrated on her friend’s words.
‘...It’s so easy. All you have to do is pull in your wings and relax. It’s as easy as blowing off weather duty.’
Panic had caused her muscles to tighten, which only fed her growing doubt.
“Yeah, so easy...for a pegasus.” Twilight found herself saying as if the daredevil were right beside her.
‘You have to make your muscles limp. I usually just think of things that make me relaxed, like taking naps, or the time I bummed a massage off of Soarin by pretending to be hurt.’
“Okay, I think I can do this,” Twilight assured herself out loud. Think about the smell of the library, fresh paper,re-shelving day, reading Celestia’s reviews of my friendship reports... Spike all curled up in his little bed...
She was no longer fighting herself. The spinning slowed as Twilight let her worries fly away in the wind.
‘You would find all that egghead junk relaxing. Now, project your chest outward. Put your front and back legs out.’ Rainbow’s hoarse voice instructed.
Hey, this is my subconscious; you’re the subconscious version of Rainbow. Only the real Rainbow Dash can call me nerdy names.
The alicorn started into a controlled freefall after taking a super-pony like pose.
‘Fine whatever, just spread your wings and pull out of your dive.'
Twilight followed suite and immediately slowed down. Her wings ached as she held them out like mini chutes. Fortunately for her, she was no ordinary pegasus, or they might have been torn from the sockets. Unfortunately however, she just now noticed a roaring sound quickly growing louder. Twilight slowly turned about in the air.
She squinted at the closing object. What the hay is that? “Oof!”
***
A little asian girl, probably around six or seven, was on a flight from Tokyo to SeaTac Airport. She noticed a flash of white outside followed by a loud thump.
“Mommy, Daddy, I see a flying horsie!” She yelled and pointed, but her mom and pop had left to go to the lavatory, and nobody else paid any attention. There was a brief moment where the girl and the strange creature locked eyes. The flying horse with gold shoes peeled herself from the dented wing and disappeared.
The pilot and copilot locked eyes. “Did you just see...” the copilot trailed off.
The pilot was reclined in his seat. “Yeap,” he said lazily.
“It looked like a...” the copilot trailed off.
“Yeap.”
“Do you think we should tell the passengers what I think that was?”
Fixing the rookie with a flat stare, the pilot slowly leaned further back in his chair. He slid his hat over his eyes and shook his head.
“Uh, passengers, this is the copilot speaking. Please stay seated. I think we may have just hit a very large bird. A very, very large bird.”
***
The room was still dim, lit only by the glowing portal by which the princess was unceremoniously expunged and a few magical flames in the chandelier above.
General Double Edge turned to the ponies that were looking down the portal with him. They had recently emerged from hiding behind the pillars and bleachers. “Alright, help me close this up and reset the rune for Celestia’s return.”
One of his soldiers looked at the general with a questioning glance as the portal was slowly shrinking. “With all due respect, sir, you just sent her plummeting into another dimension with less than a quarter of her magical power. Do you really expect her to return?”
“Normally, I would agree, but when you choose to fight gods, you can never be too careful.”
General Double looked down once more. The opening was only a few feet wide at this point. HIs eyes narrowed. “Though it would have been nice to be wrong in this case.”
A flurry of hooves and wings clambered out of the portal, and Twilight scrambled to her hooves. The soldiers jumped back and flared their horns, causing the trap to glow once more.
The alicorn was bruised and panting hard. “You’re, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“It would have been disappointing if it had, though it seems that we are right back where we started.” Six armored unicorns shifted into a more aggressive stance, aiming their horns at her..
This time I have a plan. I just need to get him distracted. “Except this time you’ve made two mistakes. The second of which is making me angry.” Twilight wasn’t struggling this time. She just stared down her adversary with her purple eyes.
“And what would the first be?”
“Your use of a rune was rather clever. It must have taken you quite some time and resources to prepare all this, but it’s over. You could have never faced me in real combat, and you failed to keep me wherever that portal had sent me. Now that I know it was you, I can just tell my...The Captain of the Guard to arrest you when I get out of this.” Come on. Just turn away for a second. I’m running out of time.
The general started pacing back and forth, his quick, military turns leaving her no time to execute her plan. “You know, if we drain enough of your power, we can still hurt you. Sending you away was just...less risky.”
A chill ran down Twilight’s back.
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to at least tell you my motivations, seeing as your time is short. As you may have guessed already, my intentions go farther than a few tunnels of gems some Diamond Dogs are hoarding. No matter how much power my followers and I gather, you and your pesky sister will be there to keep everything at the status quo. Peace, love, and friendship are getting old-fashioned.”
“Corruption through power isn't anything new, General.” He’s no different than Discord or Nightmare Moon. All they want is control. On the other hoof, could he be right? The princesses do hold all the power, just by their mere existence.
Double stomped loudly. “You don’t get it! We are tired of the stagnation. What about the future? Do you really think all this can last forever? If I don’t make the change, then somepony much less merciful will. It’s a shame, really. With your power, you could have done so much. We still could, you know.”
Double Edge continued on while Twilight kept a meticulous eye over every movement, waiting to strike. “I have the vision, and you have the raw power to conquer everything under your sun.” He turned gesture out the towering window.
“Never!” Twilight lunged and fired a bolt of magic. Double Edge whipped around, and his unicorns fed a stream of magic into the rune. Twilight grunted as she was yanked back down to the ground by vines of arcane energy. This time the power of her prison was too strong to even stand.
“Oh, you sly Princess, you caught me monologuing. It’s a shame you figured out who I was, but I wouldn’t have started a fight with the Princess of the Sun if didn’t have a backup plan.” The general unsheathed one of his swords and ran the flat side under Twilight’s chin. “Too bad you missed.”
Twilight just smiled back. “Did I?”
Twilight smiled when Double Edge didn’t respond, instead watching a shaft of light grow rapidly behind them. as a shaft of light grew behind the general. from across the chamber. Celestia’s student smiled at the trace of worry growing on Double Edge’s face. As it enveloped them, the sunlight warmed the Princess’s coat, and she could feel her magic returning swiftly.
“I may not be able to move yet, but I can still use magic!”
By the time he had turned to notice the burning window curtain in the back of the room, it was already too late. Twilight’s golden aura ripped the general off his hooves and hurled him through the stained glass. One of his swords went flying, its strap severed by the glass.
“It’s taking me lots of energy to pull off this simple telekinesis, but now I have the sun!”
Twilight yanked him back through the jagged hole and tossed him against the Council chamber table.The armored pony slid of the other end with a clank of metal on stone. He backpedaled to lean against a set of bleachers. “Stop her now, before it’s too late!” He wheezed.
Six more armored unicorns appeared from behind columns around the room. Even though she couldn’t see the sun directly, she smiled at the sheer power of the rays entering the room.
She was growing stronger by the moment, and forced her body to stand up. Double’s attack squad closed in quickly. Two of the soldiers charged from her front with long swords in their magical grasp. The pair were thrown to the side and slapped against the marble walls. While she had been dealing with them, she felt three new unicorns sapping her magic directly into themselves.
I need line of sight...or at least to see where they are. She swiftly grabbed hold of some shards of glass from across the room. One of the ponies in front of her dove to avoid the flying bits of colored glass.
Twilight manipulated the fragments to see behind her. “There you are.” She fired three precise shots off of the glass. The trio of unicorns were sent shooting across the Council Chamber, where they were buried amongst the wood bleachers around the room.
Having literally gotten a taste of Celestia’s magic, the traitors smiled at their newfound power and began firing powerful concussive bolts. Their aim still suffered from their recent beating, but their magical attacks were strong enough to blow chunks of marble from the columns and walls.
Marble dust was filling up the room from the raging battle. Twilight grunted as blind shots connected with her sides. Note to self. Don’t let unicorns drain magic from the Princesses.
As she soaked in more power from the sun, Twilight did her best to avoid the attacks, but she was still pinned to the spot. A lucky shot slammed into the side of her head and, something inside Celestia’s body snapped. Twilight blinked, and her purple eyes were replaced with white orbs. “YOU WILL NOT HARM THE INNOCENT!” More pieces of glass and loose stone moved in to block the incoming barrage of magic bolts and flying chunks of stone. Anything solid that made it close to the princess was added to the mass of debris.
Four pegasi came down from the high ceiling, but were kept at bay by a whirlwind of broken objects. Twilight felt pangs of guilt in the back of her mind as each was hit by a stun spell or thrown to the floor at her will. The guilt was overpowered by frustration and anger.
With each of Twilight’s spells, the lines of the rune shone brighter. General Double cringed, as the last of his soldiers flew from the cloud of dust and toppled over Luna’s chair towards the middle of the room. There was a deafening clatter as the glass and other objects fell from Twilight’s hold. With one last surge of solar energy, the ground around the Sun Godess ruptured.
Twilight flew out from the cloud of dust and walked up to Major General Double Edge. After she finished literally wiping the floor with him, his helm had been ripped off and the fine polish on his full plate had been marred by deep scratches. She peered at Double’s bruised and battered face. “I believe that’s checkmate.”
“But...but how?”
Now, with all her opponents unconscious or unwilling to fight, the Celestia’s student began her lecture while she held Double Edge against the nearest intact column. “As for how I gained enough power for the first bolt that set the curtain on fire, it turns out that place you sent me has a sun. It wasn’t as full of magic as Equestria’s sun, but it was sufficient. Even though your little trap was holding me to that spot, I was able to use telekinesis with the solar power that isn’t constantly being absorbed. If I know my rune magic, which I do, the spells can only last as long as the surface remains undamaged. All I had to do is pour enough magic into it until the integrity of the stone gave out.”
Double Edge could feel his body being pressed harder against the cold marble pillar. He was forced to stare at Celestia's ageless face. His ruler’s white eyes shone with such rage and malice that he could not help but shake. There was a pause before he could hear the sound of his remaining sword sliding from its sheath just out of view. To Twilight’s surprise, a smile slowly formed across the General’s face before he spat out a tooth.
“If you finish me, you finish this city.”
Twilight’s eyes immediately returned to normal. All she had wanted to do before was end him, but now she began to feel the chill of doubt mixed with growing fear. What...what just came over me?
Trying to remain calm, she set the general down on his unsteady hooves. Twilight her hooves were shaky as well. What was that feeling? I...I would never... The alicorn shook her head to focus on the matter at hoof. “What are you talking about? What do you mean I would finish the city? What are you up to, really?”
“I’m glad you have come to see reason. You see, I have planted a spell bomb in the city, or rather, many bombs. If I don’t give updated orders to my ponies, then they will set them off. You’re not going to tell anypony I ever made a move. If you talk to anypony, we...I will know, so no funny business.” The general got up and stumbled to the broken table for balance.
Who is ‘we’? “Is that it? I just pretend you didn’t commit high treason?” I need...I need to rest. She felt like throwing up.
“What kind of idiot reveals their whole plan? Let’s just say that when the time comes, I need you to do nothing. If you try to stop me, I will activate the spell bombs.”
“Spell bombs aren't necessarily lethal, so what keeps me from just dispelling the effects? What do they do, disorient, teleport, remove everypony’s ears?” Or something worse, she gulped.
“Ha, even if the effects were that simple, I couldn’t tell you for sure. They are filled with chaos magic gathered during the return of Discord. Judging by the look on your face, you know what that means.”
Twilight paused for a moment. “Wait a minute, that doesn’t make any sense. You can't control chaos magic! You must be bluffing.”
“How would you know? One would think you couldn’t control chaos magic, because that would make sense, but that in itself would mean it wasn’t chaotic, would it not?”
“I think you're full of horse apples. You’re just a liar and a traitor.” Twilight’s white horn started to glow once more.
“If I were full of horse apples, I wouldn’t be talking to you. Are you really willing to risk the safety of your ponies for a little fight like this?”
The General’s condescending speech begged her to throw him from the tower, but she stood down. I can’t risk Celestia’s subjects. “Why are you doing this?” How do I stop you? “Luna! Luna will stop you and...and Cadence!” Her voice echoed off the walls. She smirked. He came close, but against three alicorns, he doesn't stand a chance.
“The Princess of Love, ha! Besides, Luna is already on my side. Now, you had better figure out a good excuse for this mess before we open those doors or somepony spots the broken window from outside.” Twilight gawked when she finally laid eyes the destruction she had wrought.
That poor window and all this antique furniture areruined.
***
Twilight grudgingly supported the general while they walked out of the main Council Chamber. Standing in the large hall were two unicorns. One had a blue grey-coat and white mane with a fine tea set cutie mark, and the other had a light grey coat and an unfurled scroll as her mark.
Twilight tried to block the view of the Council Chambers. “Hello, Bright Herald and Porcelain Pot. Would you excuse me? I’m very busy.” The doors slowly closed behind her.
Apparently, they had already seen inside. “What the hay happened in there? Do we need to get more guards?” one of them asked.
“Uhhhh...no. No! Everything is fine. Yeap, it’s all fine. We were just, well...” Twilight looked at the General for an alibi, but he looked as though he were going unconscious. His eyes were rolling back and having a hard time focusing. “We were just...sparring. He, the General here, insisted that he test his new squad’s combat effectiveness.” Her ear twitched as a groan from one of the fallen ponies escaped the council chamber. I hope they didn’t hear that. Twilight smiled widely.
The court announcer was not convinced. “Riiiight, because fighting a goddess is totally fair.”
...and I couldn’t just send you to the moon for talking like that. Actually, I don’t know how to do that. Better add it to my list just in case.
“He also said he wanted to test me to make sure I would be ready for an attack. This way we could complete both tasks at once.” She kept her toothy grin and tried to sidestep the pair. Bright Herald stepped in the way. I wonder if royalty in other parts of Equestria is this weird? Maybe I should work for them. “Whatever. I just need help planning this huge party. There is a lot more to planning this sort of event than I thought. Porcelain Pot reminded me that there are allergy concerns, seating for the feast, musicians to hire, the list goes on and on...Is he going to be okay?”
Twilight looked over just in time to see the general collapse on his face and quickly picked him off the floor. While the two unicorns were still staring at their princess, she flew over their heads to land near the doors. Before she left she yelled back, “Right, the party. Just get Pinkie Pie to help you. She’s really good at this sort of thing.” Twilight fled to the hospital wing.
Porcelain Pot scratched her chin. “Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie...oh! She’s the Element of Laughter. I’m sure she will be a great help. What could go wrong?”
“Uh, miss serving mare, were you even here during the Gala?”
“True, miss snooty court announcer, but Celestia apparently liked that disaster.”
“Royalty is weird. Let’s send a letter to Pinkie then,” Bright Herald said in exasperation.
***
After explaining the situation to the guards outside the door, Twilight briskly made her way to the hospital wing. The guards followed her, despite her insistence that she would be fine. Double Edge lay across one of the guard’s back, unconscious.
Her mind was rushing with thoughts as fast as her hooves clacked across the polished floors.
I could send a letter to Celestia, but then she would want to leave Ponyville, and that would leave the town defenseless. Not to mention my friends would get suspicious of her. If I tell Shining right now, he might freak out and get attention from the General, but not telling him now could be bad too. He may know the best way to deal with this sort of threat. No, it looks like I can’t risk telling them until I know exactly what’s going on. I have to handle this for now. I’ll start with a mental checklist of what I do-- Her thoughts were interrupted as she collided horn-first with the wooden door of the medical wing. One of the guards following beside her suppressed a chuckle while checking if she was alright.
A nurse answered the door, prying at it with her magic to get it to budge. It opened slowly with a scuffling of hooves. The nurse stared at the alicorn with her horn embedded into the door. “Nice to see you, Your Highness. Have you finally decided not to skip your yearly checkup?”
Twilight waved off the guard and the nurse. “What? No, General Double needs attention,” she said as she flailed a foreleg toward the guard carrying the knocked out stallion. Why would Celestia avoid checkups? She’s ruining this poor hospital’s schedule.
The nurse looked from the alicorn to the beaten stallion. “How exactly did this--”
“I’ll explain. Just give me a second here,” Twilight said as she tried to pull her horn from the door. She had to brace both of her front hooves on the door. Eventually, Twilight weaseled her way free, at the expense of face planting on the marble floor.
“Never mind, it's my job to heal ponies, not stick my horn in other pony's business.” The nurse directed the guard carrying Double Edge to a room. He was set on a bed, and she began a magical scan for injuries. After a few moments she spoke. “Judging by his wounds, he should be up and about in a few days. Does anypony else need medical attention, Your Highness?”
“Um, there are nine or so injured guards in the main Council Chamber,” Twilight said with her ears slightly back and a light blush.
The head nurse organized some staff and sent them off to pick up the others. After roaming around preparing the rooms, the nurse noticed Twilight following her around. “Your Highness, if you would be so kind as to leave and give us space to work. If you mean to speak to the General, you should come back tonight.”
“Right, sorry Miss.” Twilight left the General’s room and took a seat in the lobby. She gripped the edge of the red seat cushion and rocked slowly forward and back. So if I can’t tell anypony just yet, how can I get the city prepared? I could start by upgrading security, but I don’t know which guards are with the general and which ones I can trust. At least I can trust Shiny. That’s a start!
Twilight bolted up and left to find the Captain. If I can change him back and get Cadence off of his back, then he can do a better job protecting everypony. He is doing his own investigation on the General after all.
***
Due to the immensity of knowledge held in the Canterlot archives, it only made sense that large portions of its writings were placed in chambers below ground. Sections A-J took up the surface wings, while K-Z took up a catacomb of underground cavities. These original tunnels of the lower levels were said to have been burrowed out by the Princess of the Night herself. It is said that she teleported the rock out of the mountain to build parts of the city of Canterlot itself. That is at least what the ponies who work to construct the new caverns in order to accommodate the ever expanding knowledge of Equestria have been known to say.
The chandeliers high above flickered with their magic flames. The silvery magelight reflected off of the yellow cream colored marble of the arched ceiling and walls. By the time the lighting reached the ground, it was just bright enough to make out the titles of texts. The only good reading light was provided by the lamps on the small tables and desks spread throughout the archives. Two voices could be heard in the ‘T’ section of the magical tombs.
“I still can’t believe Celestia has read all the books in the archives. I mean, imagine how long that would take me.” Twilight said while carefully floating a book back to its place. She didn’t even give a second thought to seeing a golden glow instead of a light red around the book's cover. Books were really what she needed to distract herself from her earlier ‘meeting’.
“Have you found something yet?” an anxious feminine voice echoed off of the surrounding bookshelves. The words were quickly lost in the long dark halls.
“If you haven’t noticed, there are a lot of books in here,” Twilight said biting tone while indicating the wall of scripts on the shelf beside her. “Besides, why are you so antsy...besides looking like that? Heh heh.”
“I think I’m actually sorta getting used to looking like this.”
“Really?” Twilight dropped a book on the floor. “Also, who are you borrowing those clothes from?”
“What these? Well, after you left me to go to that meeting and I was hit on by some guards, I actually went to work, well sort of.” Shining hesitated a bit. “After accidently trying to go into the colt’s room at the barracks for the second time, Morning Star and some of her friends thought I was trying to make a statement or something. Next thing I know, we're all on a shopping spree together. Do you think I look good in this yellow?” Shining wore a set of yellow dyed leather armor. “What? She thought it could boost my confidence as a female leader.”
Twilight just stared. “We really need to find a book to change you back.” She returned to the search. “What has you so worried?”
“I’m worried about the imminent threat of my angry mare friend who happens to be one of the three most powerful beings I know of.”
“Oh, right,” Twilight frowned a little, but a small smile formed on her white muzzle. “At least I happen to be one of those powerful beings. Besides, down here is one of the most secure places in the castle. Celestia and I even hid from you down here on a couple occasions.” She continued to pull out more books then carried them to a nearby table. Twilight looked over to Shining and gave a reassuring smile. "Don't worry so much." Because Celestia doesn’t know how much I’m worrying already.
“Maybe you’re right. It does seem pretty safe...and my super smart sister can handle anything, especially with Her Majesty’s abilities. Speaking of handling things, I can’t believe the General challenged you to a sparring match with his squad.” Shining said.
Twilight swallowed hard. Oh no, he can’t figure out the truth! “What...what do you mean?”
“He always brags about how good his personal troops are becoming. Boy, I wish I had been there to laugh in his bruised face. From what I hear, you kicked his flank pretty bad.”
“Well, it’s not really fair when you wield my kind of power,” and you lose control of your rage and are supplied by the magic of two suns... and are nearly indestructible... Twilight started to drift off into one of her tangents, not noticing she had removed and replaced the same book three times already.
“Hey!” Twilight yelped with surprise.
Shining had pounced on Twilight’s back and started rubbing her ethereal mane with a hoof. Shining had to put some effort into the leap, considering Celestia's back stood a lot taller than the average pony.
“You may have Celestia’s body and magic, but she would have seen that a mile away.” Shining laughed as he continued to mess up her mane and tickle her sides.
"I’m not in the mood! Hee hee ha...don't...stop!" she gasped.
“What was that? ‘Don’t stop’? Okay.”
Twilight couldn't stand anymore and collapsed to the stone floor in a laughing fit. The royal tiara slid off her forehead and bounced along the floor. The metal clinking sound grew quieter as it bounced out of sight. How does Celestia keep that thing on her head without gluing it there?
“I’ll get that, your highness,” Shining said as he darted between some shelves.
Twilight was left on the ground with a stomach ache and panting with exhaustion while the pink pony pranced after the tiara.
Maybe she's right. I have nothing to worry about, but why do I get this feeling something is wrong? Shining pushed the thoughts away and chuckled quietly to himself. Wow, this thing really rolled a long way.
Having caught her breath, Twilight caught up to her temporary sister. "Did you find it?"
"No, I thought it would be somewhere around here...Is it just me, or is it kinda dark here?" Shining asked, noticing the chandeliers above them were out.
Twilight and Shining proceeded into the darkness with caution. Shining lit his horn and took point. Once or twice, Shining could have sworn she heard the swish of wings above them.
"Dark and creepy if you ask me. Let's just get the stupid thing and get out of here."
The pair heard a snort from the darkness followed by a sinister voice. "Looking for this?" the voice bellowed before Celestia's tiara slid into the light, skidding to a halt at the sun goddess's hooves.
Shining took a defensive stance before the princess. "Who goes there? I demand that you show yourself!"
"Oh, how cute. How the mighty have fallen. He really does make a cute mare, doesn't he?" The stranger pounced into the light, revealing a dark alicorn with a celestial mane and tail.
"It can't be..." Twilight fell speechless.
"That's right. Nightmare Moon is back to get revenge on you." The wicked mare gave a toothy grin and slashed out with a dark blade of magic.
“Run!” Shining screamed, and the two galloped deeper into the depository of knowledge.
They took turn after turn, never looking back.
“Why is everypony out to get me today?”
“Now you know how I feel,” said Shining. They rushed by more shelves, but Shining risked a glance at his sister. “What do you mean ‘everypony?’”
Twilight cringed, but her brother couldn’t see her face in the low light. “Never mind, just keep running!” How could Nightmare Moon be back? Why would Luna betray her sister again? How would Double Edge have done it?
The pair of fleeing ponies chanced a look back and noticed wherever their pursuer passed the lights went dark. A cackling yell rolled out over them.
“I’LL TEAR APART THIS WHOLE LIBRARY IF I HAVE TO, CELESTIA!”
Twilight stopped in an open reading area with many chairs and tables blocking a quick escape.
“Twily, we have to go!” Shining feebly tried to pull the Princess along, but Celestia’s petrified body was too strong.
“I can’t let her destroy a single book! COME AND GET ME!”
The dark alicorn appeared in a blur and tackled Twilight to the floor. Before Shining could raise a hoof, he was whisked up in Nightmare’s magic and held down next to his sister.
“Any last words before I destroy you?” The mare of darkness said as she pointed her horn at Celestia's face.
None of this makes any sense! Luna was just fine yesterday. Now that I think about it...
Twilight cocked her head. “Cadence, is that you?”
“What? No, of course I’m not that little, pink alicorn.”
Twilight narrowed her gaze. “Luna always speaks in old Equestrian, the lights were being put out by a basic extinguishing spell, not dark magic, and why didn’t you use your incorporeal form to chase us?”
“Fine, you just had to ruin my fun, didn’t you?” The dark pony pulled down a well-hidden zipper to reveal the head of a pink alicorn with a pink, purple, and yellow mane. “The real question is; who are you, really?” Cadence pressed down on Celestia’s shoulders. “If you are Celestia, then why are you trying to take my Shiny away? Don’t tell me you’re just playing some cruel game!”
“I already told you I’m not interested in him. He’s my brother for pony’s sake!” Twilight huffed and then covered her mouth.
Cadence let go of the pair and held her head in her hooves. She pulled up a chair with her magic and laid over it on her back. “I’m, getting a headache. If that were true, which I’m not saying it is, that would make you Twilight Sparkle.” A warm smile appeared on her face as she turned away. Could this really be Twilight Sparkle, my favorite little filly? That would explain your recent concern for the well-being of literature.
“If I were to believe you, how do explain why you two were so close together at the hospital or your shoe on the messy floors of your chamber.”
Shining whispered to Twilight. “Are you sure it is a good idea to tell her the truth? You could just say it was a joke or something.”
“Yes. It’s the only way to get her off your case. Celestia never said I couldn’t tell Cadence.”
“Well, Auntie Sparkle, I’m waiting.” Cadence turned back towards them and tapped her hoof impatiently.
A new set of hoofsteps signaled a visitor was coming. The two alicorns and pink unicorn turned their heads in anticipation.
The newcomer studied the scene carefully. There was Celestia, which was normal. Then there was a pink unicorn next to her that looked very nervous. In front of them, the head of Cadence stuck out of a dark-haired costume that closely resembled the wicked mare of darkness. Cadence sure doesn’t seem happy about something. “What exactly is going on around here?” All eyes turned to the little purple unicorn in the room. “Why is everypony looking at me like that, and why is Cadence dressed like Nightmare Moon?”
Twilight was the first to speak. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Ponyville.”
“What, your most faithful student can’t come on a surprise visit?” She said with her ears tilted back.
“I suppose if Celestia is really Twilight then...this Twilight is actually Celestia, and you two were switched in some freaky accident.” Cadence chuckled in disbelief.
The Sun Princess and new guest shared a look. Twilight said “yes,” while the purple pony said “no.”
“Oh ho ho, Cadence laughed. “It looks like Twilight isn’t going to play along in your little prank, Celestia.”
“I can prove I’m Twilight.” She cleared her throat. “Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake.” Twilight finished with shaking Celestia’s rear in the air. Shining couldn’t help letting out a chuckle at seeing the princess do her little shake.
Cadence huffed “Celestia could know that. You’re going to have to do better than that.” She closed in on Twilight, only to be cut off by a purple unicorn.
“Let me put this in a way that Twilight, at least, will understand. I am what she called project 352.”
Wait that would mean... “I broke Celestia’s law.” She backed up a few steps, before falling to her haunches with a blank stare.
The copy approached its creator. “Actually, it was Celestia’s fault that I exist, so technically, Celestia broke her own law. You are Celestia, so you can just pardon yourself. You didn’t intend to create a sapient being anyway.”
“This is too strange.” Twilight backed up slowly as if this pony before her were a menacing beast.
“How do you think I feel about all this?”
Twilight said nothing and backed further away, but her double didn’t halt her advance.
“When I saw you, or rather, Celestia in Ponyville, I thought I was Twilight.” She said as she pointed a hoof to her chest. Twilight Sparkle...Celestia’s best student, Element of Magic, Friend of Applejack and the girls, but no!” she nearly shouted.
Twilight glanced behind her when her back hit one of the large shelves. Her mouth opened and closed, unable to say anything. Her only choice was to hope they would finish what they wanted to say and go. The copy did no such thing and was now standing right before the cowering alicorn.
“None of this is really mine. My memories are just a copy of yours.” The duplicate slammed a hoof above her collapsed creator, but immediately regretted it. Twilight lay scrunched up to the base of the shelf with her eyes shut tight.
Her voice dramatically dropped in volume and anger. “I’m...I’m just a copy of you. I’m nopony.” The artificial mare sank to her rump and started weeping.
Twilight still had her eyes shut expecting some attack, but it never came. All she heard were strangely familiar sobs. Twilight couldn’t just stand there and watch her cry. She rushed up and hugged her look alike. “You’re not just a copy. You can choose to do whatever you want. I’ll make sure of that. I can draw up new laws and everything.” Twilight scratched her chin. “I’ll need to make a checklist of the supplies I need. I'll need a lot of paper and ink!”
Cadence joined in on the embrace. This must really be Twilight, always seizing the chance to make a new list. “She’s right. I don’t quite understand what’s happening, but if you are half as determined as the Twilight I know, you can become your own mare.”
Shining joined into the strange embrace. He broke the silence first. “Hey, she stopped crying. Are you feeling better now, because this is really weirding me out?”
“I feel a little better, but I mostly stopped because my saline tank just ran out.”
The Goddess of Love dressed as Nightmare, the student in her teacher’s body, the magical mishap, and the stallion turned mare, all broke into fits of laughter in the dark recesses of the archives. The construct broke in. “I don’t mean to be rude, but who is this mare anyhow?”
Twilight settled out of her laughter. “I, uh, was trying to hide Shining from Cadence, so I did this. The problem is, I don’t know a counter spell.”
She gave her a second more critical look. “That just raised many more questions. You mean this is Shiny?” Twilight nodded in embarrassment. The copy pointed and laughed at the pink mare and was soon joined by the others.
“Ha, ha, everypony laugh at poor old Shiny. So, let me get this straight so far. Twilight created a magical robot--”
“Magical construct.” The two bookworms corrected at once.
“--construct, whatever.” I thought one Twilight was a hooffull. “So, Twilight created...you, and it was somehow Celestia’s fault that you became a ‘sapient being,’ which means...?”
“Basically, it means the ability to think abstractly about things, instead of having animal instincts,” both Twilights said simultaneously.
“Right. I just get sapient and sentient mixed up all the time.” Shining let out a large sigh. “Okay, and you somehow figured out that Celestia and Twilight switched minds and came here to ask some questions? By the way, we need something better to call you than ‘project 352’.”
“That does about sum it up. As for a name...” The experiment scratched her chin. “I got it! You can call me Sparks.”
Twilight tapped the side of her head for a few moments then clapped her hooves together. “I get it! That stands for Sapient Pony Automaton Replica of Knowledge Seeking right?!”
Sparks shook her head. “No, I just liked the sound of it. You must be the more eggheaded version of the two of us.”
“Great, you must be the more snarky one,” Twilight said sarcastically.
Shining and Cadence watched the two go from fighting with each other to trading theories about how Sparks came to be, and then they lost interest or hope of understanding what the magical prodigies were talking about. Cadence finally came up to the two. “Could I please get an explanation of what has been going on and why my little plum is running the country?”
“I've got my own questions as well,” said Sparks, now standing with a quill and paper.
The group took seats around one of the tables, and all shared their side of the past few days. Twilight told them everything, minus the real reason behind her fight with the general.
“Oh, so that explains where this came from.” Cadence unsheathed a long sword from under the table, and everypony backed up. “I guess I overreacted a little. I’m sorry I chased you around Canterlot with a sword. It’s funny how many of these I've handled lately.” She paused to swipe the blade through the air a few times. “Maybe I’ll hold onto this one,” Cadence said after sheathing the weapon and putting it back under the table.
Shining chuckled awkwardly. “I would say I’ve had worse, but it’s hard to top being chased by a goddess with a claymore. I think I see where Twily learned some of her more impulsive tendencies.”
“Does that mean you don’t forgive me?” Cadence frowned; her ears folded back slightly.
Shining nuzzled the Love Princess. “Of course I do honey. I am curious what you planned to do to us when you caught up with us though.”
“Well, I honestly hadn’t planned much farther than following my blind rage, but I was thinking along the lines of making Celestia fall madly in love with a toilet or some other inanimate object and cursing you to be stuck as a mare forever. Funny huh?” Cadence forced out a small laugh.
“Yeah, a barrel of laughs. Shining rolled his eyes. “Wait, if you know how to keep me stuck like this, then you must know a counter spell right? When did you learn that kind of magic?” Shining’s voice cracked in her excitement and she clasped her hooves over her mouth.
“Well, you know...being the Princess of Love brings up a lot of...interesting situations between ponies and--”
“Great! Then you can change me back, and I can finally be a normal stallion. Hit me with your best shot.” Shining closed his eyes and waited in anticipation.
“You seem pretty eager. Was being a mare that bad?
Shining opened her eyes when nothing was happening. “Well, there was one advantage. It was like being under cover. I learned that when I’m not around, half the guard slack off and act unprofessional. Other than that, I was getting tired of all the petty gossip and talking about stallions and clothes. Now, why don’t you change me back?” She closed her eyes again in anticipation.
Cadence gave Shining a stern look. “So, all you did while you were a mare was manipulate ponies, and you think that all girls are interested in is clothing, gossip, and colts?”
“Sure, a lot of them anyway.” The captain opened his eyes to an unamused Cadence. “I mean some of them--”
Cadence clasped a hoof over his pink muzzle. “The next words that come out of your mouth better be good. It just so happens that somepony checked out all the books that could have helped you. You better think carefully, honey bunch.”
Uh...uh...horse apples. I just had to open my big trap. “You look kinda hot in that Nightmare Moon costume?”
Cadence didn’t break eye contact for a few moments and just stared at Shining. “Well played, well played.” Shining Armor’s body and Cadence’s horn glowed with magic. Cadence grabbed the pink unicorn into a tight embrace, and when the light show was over, they were still locked in a kiss. The captain was finally his alabaster self.
Twilight and Sparks turned away at the same time. “Well!” Twilight said a bit too loudly, clearing her throat. “Now that you have a name and independence, what are you going to do?” Twilight’s eyes lit up. “We could be the best study buddies ever! You already know the library and everything.”
“As tempting as that is, ponies might find it weird. Besides, what would Spike think with two of us around? The two shared a knowing look. “I haven't seen much outside Equestria, so I was thinking I would take the next trade ship out to Zebrica.”
“Oh, I guess that makes sense.” Twilight looked a little disappointed. “You have to promise me you'll send me lots of reports about your travels.”
“Well, you know, that’s like a given. I assume you want those in standard twenty-five page scientific journal format, right? You will have to keep me updated on Ponyville as well.”
Twilight nodded with a smile. “The next trade ship to Zebrica is not due till the end of next week. You could at least stick around till after the big party.”
“Yeah, I was just down at the docks. Since I apparently don’t have to eat or sleep, I thought I’d stick down here a while and do some reading,” Sparks said with obvious excitement in her slightly artificial voice.
“Aww, that’s no fair. Hey, stupid body, why do you need food?” Twilight joked then her eyes went wide “Wait, does Celestia need to eat?”
“That’s a good question. I thought I’d also stick around to help solve some other ‘general’ issues around here." She looked at Twilight seriously. “If you know what I mean,” Sparks said quietly.
How does she know about Double Edge?
Before Twilight could answer, she was interrupted by Shining Armor’s hoof on her withers. “Twily, I don’t think the dance floor could handle that much horrible dancing, let alone Celestia’s public image.”
“What? Is Celestia some sort of dancing master?” Sparks asked.
“You'd be surprised,” he said.
“Miss Sparkle would be surprised of what?” Luna said as she appeared from behind some shelves. “We have been looking all over for you, sister. We were checking some of the tax records and were curious as to what a ‘night club’ was. We are pleased there are so many of these establishments dedicated to the night. Seeing as we are the Princess of the Night, we thought it appropriate to gain membership into some of these establishments. We welcome you and your student to the Eclipse club tonight. It shall be a most joyous time,” she said, wings flaring slightly in her excitement.
***
Obviously I have to do something, but if I do, then I risk the safety of everypony. Once I have figured out his exact plans, then I can gather help to stop him. He has his own small army, and who knows what that griffin Swift Claw is up to. The worst part is, Luna could be with him, but I can’t believe that just yet. Twilight sighed. I wish Celestia was here.
Everypony had left the library. Even Sparks had gone off to some far-off portion of the towers of knowledge. Twilight was surrounded by stacks of books at a little desk, but for the first time in a while, it wasn’t bringing her happiness. Celestia’s form had her head laid on the desk in her hooves. She lifted her head at the sound of approaching hoofsteps, ready to defend herself if needed.
She relaxed as Cadence strode up next to her. The pink alicorn took a seat on the bench and scooted in close. She lay a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “What has you so worried?”
“Oh, nothing, really. I’m just doing more research to do a good job filling in for Celestia,” Twilight said as she leaned over a book on chaos magic.
“Looking over the country doesn't sound like nothing, but something tells me that still isn’t it. You may have grown a lot since I was your foal sitter, but I can still tell when you’re lying.” This drew a smile from Twilight, just as Cadence had hoped.
“Is that supposed to be some sort of joke now that I’m like this?” The librarian fluttered her wings a little.
“Something like that. You have grown a lot in many ways since I took care of you. Celestia often talks about you with me. Sometimes she wishes you were here to answer some of her own problems.”
Twilight’s white cheeks flushed red. She looked up at her old foal sitter. “She does?”
“We may be long-lived and powerful, but we aren't all-knowing. Celestia practically had to force herself to read many of these books, but she knows you would jump at the chance to do so. You’re a smart, little unicorn, but you don’t have to handle this on your own. Just because Celestia didn’t want you to tell Luna what happened, doesn’t mean you can’t let me help. Shining is here for you too.”
Twilight started to feel a little better. She’s right. I can’t do this alone, but I can’t risk telling them, can I? “Actually, I was wondering if you might know why Celestia would want to hide this from Luna in the first place.”
“I wondered that at first, but I think I understand. You see, when you live as long as an alicorn, memories of things tend to stay around for a very long time. Any mistake will be on our record. Of course the average pony will eventually forget or pass, but grudges between those sisters can go on for decades, centuries even.”
“You mean they fight with each other? I don’t want to be in the middle of that,” Twilight said, voice rising in pitch and volume.
“Well, of course they fight sometimes, but what I meant was more of a friendly competition sort of thing. For example, Luna is responsible for Celestia’s multicolored mane.”
“What, did she lose a bet or something?” Twilight asked. Cadence nodded. “I don’t think I fully understand. Are you saying Celestia would be embarrassed if Luna found out?”
“Exactly. After so years of existence, their little competition has turned into a complicated game of sorts. One that, even after all this time, I still have problems keeping track of the rules. The last time I asked, there were at least three thousand and fifty-two rules to the game.”
Twilight scrunched her face. “That sounds ridiculous.”
“That’s what I've been telling them for years, but, in a way, you have to respect it. I think Celestia actually doesn’t know how to switch you two back, and she thinks Luna would hold it over her head in one of their crazy rules.”
“Do you really think Luna would do something like that? You mean I’m stuck in some literal cosmic chess game here?” Celestia’s student cocked an eyebrow. “Playing a game that spans many centuries while balancing the responsibilities of the Kingdom seems like a bad idea.”
“There could be more to why Celestia wants it a secret. That was just my best guess. Just think of what her subjects would think of her. Think of how different they might treat you when this is all over. Don’t tell me you haven't had your competitive moments with Shining.”
“True.” If only my biggest worries were just games right now.
“Shining and I are going out to dinner soon. I’ll see you later, my little plum.”Cadence left after giving Twilight a peck on the forehead.
***
Dear Princess Celestia...
After a moment of holding the letter, the greeting changed.
Dearest Twilight,
I have had a very enlightening experience as the Element of Magic. Things are relatively calm in Ponyville right now. I think it is about time I made my way back to Canterlot to work on a solution to our little problem. I am so proud of what you have done so far. I am sure you have made Luna very happy. Maybe I will be able to get there in time for this little party I have heard about. Pinkie told me she was finally invited.
I look forward to seeing you, my most faithful student.
Princess Celestia
Twilight burned the letter at the sound of rustling in the hospital bed before her. General Double bolted awake, causing Twilight to flinch. “You’ll have to be much more sneaky to get the drop on me. I heard you were in the library with the Guard Captain, Cadence, Luna, and your dear student. You better not get any bright ideas.”
“No, no. We were just...planning for the big party tomorrow. How, how did you know I met with them?” Does he know who I really am? This is bad.
“One of my stallions saw them exit the library before you did a while later. You expect me to believe you still plan on throwing a party while my plans are unfolding? I guess it doesn’t matter if you were planning to stop me. You know what’s at stake if you do.”
Twilight breathed an internal sigh of relief that at least he didn’t know who she really was. “You said not to interfere and act as if all was normal. If I cancelled the party now, it would look suspicious. If you do succeed, I may as well have my fun.” You won't succeed. I won’t let you.
General Double smiled. “I’m glad to see you understand, but just in case, I’ll be having two of my soldiers watching you from now on. The only freedom you will get is in your dreams.”
“In my dreams you say?” Twilight muttered under her breath.
“What was that, esteemed princess, you were mumbling?”
“Oh, nothing. Get well soon.” Because this isn’t over yet, you big jerk.
“Farwell, Your Highness.”
Before she left, Twilight slipped the general a long scroll that spilled over the end of the bed. “By the way, General, this is for you.”
“What’s this?”
Twilight’s smile was sickeningly sweet. “It’s all the charges for repairing the main council chamber and the medical bills for all your guards. I told them you requested the sparring match between me and your forces, so the damages were charged to your name here. We all have our roles to play in this, General.”
Rarity released a small chuckle, which slowly escalated into less ladylike bouts of laughter.
Celestia was rolling on the grass next to her, snorting up a storm. “Fluttershy... under... under arrest. What... what did she do...”
“...harm a fly?” Rarity finished, having as much trouble speaking as her purple compatriot.
“Good... good one, Rarity,” Celestia said, jerking a purple hoof in her direction. Most fun in decades.
Stonewall’s face remained as serious as ever. “Are you quite done, or am I going to arrest you two for failing to cooperate in a criminal investigation?”
“I don’t know. what are you going to do?” Rarity inspected one of her hooves, trying to compose herself.
Stonewall looked as though he were resisting the urge to pounce onto the snappy unicorn and instead started grinding his teeth.
I know that look. Celestia gulped. “Perhaps we should tell him what he wants to know. He must have a good reason for being here.” He really does need to loosen up though.
“If you were even a fraction as smart as Twilight, here, you would listen,” the guard bellowed.
“That’s hardly how one speaks to a lady such as myself.” Rarity raised her nose in retort.
“I am quite sorry; I was thrown off by your pig-snorting laughter,” Stonewall said with a fake courteous tone.
Rarity gasped loudly, her face reddening. Celestia stepped in the way just before the fashion designer could do more than stare daggers through her purple body and the stallion’s golden armor. Celestia had to stand on her hind legs and hold her hooves out to keep the two separated as Rarity flailed her hooves towards her insulter.
“Now, Stonewall. You shouldn’t be insulting anypony’s intelligence. You’re much too professional for that.” His cheeks reddened slightly, but he still held an annoyed expression on face. The princess turned her head from the pegasus to the unicorn behind her other hoof. “Now, Rarity, why don’t you let me handle this from here? I’m sure I can clear this all up.”
Rarity grumbled under her breath and took a seat on a nearby apple crate but not before dusting it off thoroughly.
The two briskly walked out of earshot of Rarity. Celestia reflexively tried to drape a wing over the guard to set him at ease, only to chuckle at the absence of such an appendage.
He never did like being touched, anyhow. “You are one of Celestia’s elite, one of her personal guard. What would she say if she saw you now?”
The stallion only grumbled incoherently.
“Why don’t you tell me what this is all about. Maybe we can come to a rational conclusion. Fluttershy is one of the Elements of Harmony after all, and the Element of Kindness no less.”
“With all due respect, Miss Twilight, just because you mares are the Elements does not mean you get special treatment. You know the royal guards devote their lives to the protection of the Royal Sisters every day, but you just pull out a chest of lucky charms and blast threats in the face with rainbows now and then.”
The guard continued continued before Celestia had a chance to interject.
“You get stained glass windows and cheering, while the guard are merely expected to do the expected.”
“I... that’s a good point, and I respect the work you do—”
Stonewall apparently never heard her. “However, seeing as you are her highness’s student, I suppose I can at least explain the situation.”
He paused for a breath and spoke as if giving a report to Princess Celestia herself, which now seemed like a serendipitous occurrence.
“I have been tasked to find the individual responsible for the destruction of a portion of Carrot Top’s property by way of a ravaging horde of rabbits. After analyzing the facts at hoof, I have come to the conclusion that it must have been Miss Fluttershy because of her ability to communicate with animals.”
Celestia’s mind flipped, but her head simply nodded mindlessly. “Oh tha... I mean, what was the extent of the damage?” My outburst has gotten one of Twilight’s friends in trouble. She mentally slapped herself.
“Crop damage has been estimated at about one hundred and fifty bits. There—”
“That’s not too bad.” I can fix this—Celestia’s thought was interrupted.
“—and the property owner has been approved for additional bits in punitive damages from the perpetrator for emotional trauma.”
“How much would that be?” Celestia said giving a crooked smile.
***
Rarity did her best to perk her ears to eavesdrop on their conversation. She held a pocket mirror in front of her face to lower suspicion. Maybe she could teleport closer while they were distracted. While the guard and unicorn were animatedly arguing, they weren't quite loud enough for the fashionista to here everything. She was pretty sure she heard something about “The law!” yelled a couple of times, but the rest was too quiet to hear. That was until...
“WHAT?! THAT’S PREPOSTEROUS!”
Rarity dropped her pocket mirror from the sound of extreme anguish that rebounded around the nearby area in such clarity she could hear the echoes from the nearby hills.
“Eehgem, I think you owe the Element of Generosity an apology.” Noticing a building magical signature, Celestia sidestepped and pointed a hoof next to her. There was a flash as Rarity fell from above, somehow turning the short plunge into a semi-graceful landing next to her purple friend with a frantic shuffling of her hooves.
Well, at least she’s learning, Celestia surmised.
Stonewall seemed unfazed by the sudden forecast of raining unicorns, still too irritated to care. “I apologize for my rude remarks. I’m sure you are as smart as you are beautiful.”
“Oh, what a gentlecolt. Thank you for considering Fluttershy’s situation—”
“It is my duty to—”
“—but to really make it up to me, you could always take me out to dinner in Canterlot,” Rarity said as she nudged his flank with hers.
Stonewall’s back arched up like a cat’s and his cheeks flushed red. “I should really... be going now.”
“Before you go, could you sign this, please?” Celestia said, shoving a small collection of papers in front of her guard.
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Stonewall grabbed some papers from Celestia and scribbled his signature before shaking his head free of haze. “I think I’ll go visit my muffin... I mean Misses Doo should be done with the mail now.”
Darn crazy mares. They’ll be the death of me yet, Stonewall thought before taking off towards town.
Celestia gave Rarity a sideways glance. “You did know he was married, right?”
“Of course not. What kind of cruel mare would tease a married gentlecolt in such a way?” The fashionista smiled deviously.
Celestia pointed a purple hoof at Rarity. “You're evil, I knew you were evil.”
Both mares shared a laugh once again. Rarity looked over at ‘Twilight,’ who was still enjoying the moment. Alright, Rarity, it’s time to get to the bottom of this. There’s no better time to ask her than now.
Celestia turned toward town. “Well, I better be going. I need to make sure Fluttershy is okay, and I have a few other loose ends.” At this rate maybe literally.
“Are we done with today’s lesson already?” Rarity’s lower lip quivered in feigned disappointment.
“I wouldn’t worry about Fluttershy too much. I’m willing to bet she’s gone to Rainbow Dash’s house. Besides, she’s no longer under arrest, and if Fluttershy doesn’t want to be found, I don’t think we will have any luck.”
“I really should go, Rarity...”
Rarity grabbed Celestia around her hind legs, clinging to her. “The day is still young. There’s still so much to learn!” Maybe this is going too far?
This is getting weird again. “Alright, I’ll at least leave you with something to practice, but I was thinking of moving away from the basics.” Celestia hesitated for a moment before trotting over to one of the nearby crates and levitating a reddish brown book between her and the clingy unicorn. “Why don’t you take a look at chapter three of this?”
Rarity got up and plucked the book from Celestia’s magical grasp. “What? I thought you said you would never teach me this type of magic. Besides, don’t I need to pass the competency test and procure licensing documents signed by Celestia or a royal guard...?”
She opened the cover of the old-looking tome to find a slip of paper with Stonewall’s signature sloppily scrawled at the bottom. “You clever little bookworm, taking advantage of a distracted stallion. Are you sure I’m ready? Why change your mind now?”
“From how you have been progressing, you should be capable of anything in chapter three. I figured after what has happened recently, with the dragons and all, teaching the other unicorn in our little group is only logical. Celestia signed my C.M.L documents, and I’m sure she would trust my judgment.”
Celestia jumped as Rarity wrapped her in a tight embrace. “Oh thank you thank you thank you! You don’t know what this means for me!”
“You... can let go now.” I hope it means exactly what I think it means. The poor unicorn face-planted in the grass as Rarity released her surprisingly vice-like grip upon Celestia’s purple body.
Rarity turned away to blush with a modest, “Oh, Twilight, I’m ever so sorry.” The expected response was not forthcoming, and she turned in time to see her friend vanish in a flash of magic.
“Merde,” Rarity stomped the ground. She quickly glanced around to make sure there had been no witnesses of her unladylike outburst. Once she was clearly alone,
she started flipping through the book before her. “Maybe something in here can help me get to the bottom of this.”
***
Celestia, the less-than-normal unicorn, trotted cautiously through town. She was careful not to move too quickly, as it might arouse suspicion. It was a race now. Either Stonewall would figure out who the real culprit was, or she would find a way to fix this. Either way, that Carrot pony wasn’t about to get away with this.
In mid step, a scroll appeared in front of her. She thought it odd that the roll of paper wasn’t enchanted to read differently to outsiders. It did, however, sport the royal seal and Twilight’s best copy of Celestia’s hornwriting. The princess held the scroll in her magic as she trotted on.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
I know you may have been looking forward to seeing Me at the party, but it would be best if you remained in Ponyville to continue your studies.
It’s time you start the research for that project I assigned about imagining oneself in somepony elses horseshoes. You have always been a voice of reason and helpful resource to the ponies of Ponyville, and we hope you will not feel bad staying behind to continue important work for all of Equestria.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia and Sparks
It was obvious what this, ‘project’ Twilight wanted her to study for was, but the best resources to reverse their predicament where in Canterlot, not Ponyville. Twilight apparently didn’t want her in Canterlot for some reason.
It must be trouble in the Capital.
Twilight needs me.
Celestia started to rush towards Vinyl's to get a train ticket right away until realizing she would be leaving all the responsibilities and problems of Ponyville behind.
Twilight’s responsibilities and the problems I created.
Celestia came to a sudden stop next to Ponyville’s central fountain.
What is wrong with me? Since when did I let my stress and frustration get the better of me?
She had almost charged to the farm pony of somepony she’d attacked to most likely cause even more trouble. The only thing that held her back was this strange letter from the one she was supposed to impersonate. Worse yet, she was going to blatantly disregard the letter because she perhaps didn’t fully trust Twilight herself.
The Sun Bringer wondered, wishing she knew her student better. Maybe if she did, she could tell what this all meant.
Celestia sank to her haunches on the edge of the fountain, supporting her head in her hooves. More questions came with no answers.
Why had The Apples’ and Carrots’ problems not warranted my attention sooner? Why had this only become important when it directly affected me? Have the smaller problems of my ponies really become so trivial to me that I could just leave all of the sudden?
She watched the bustling ponies going about their lives, remembering the days when she knew them all by name. Back then, there were only a few towns dotting the lands of Equestria. It was a time before the mounds of paperwork and hours spent with infuriating nobles.
Yes, this strange, recent turn of events had given her the opportunity to see things on a more personal level with her little ponies, a way in which they weren't cowering in fear or waiting on her hoof and tail, but it seemed like her presence so far had only made things... complicated. This was just one little town. How out of touch was she with the rest of Equestria?
‘Sooo let me get this straight. You’re the princess pretending to be Twilight, that pony who just left was a robot, and Twilight is... running the kingdom in your body?’
Spike’s words echoed in her head. Before she could finish ruminating on that thought, another one of the small dragon’s concerns reared its head.
‘It’s not the technical details that get me. It just seems... irresponsible of the Princess to allow something like that to happen, especially if it weren't an accident.’
‘Irresponsible,” Celestia repeated mentally.
Maybe he was right. All I've done here is feed Pinkie Pie’s apparent addiction, let one of Twilight’s experiments go awry, hurt some pony’s feelings, and break into Twilight’s neighbor’s house. Who am I kidding? I’m not here because Twilight could learn something; I’m here because I am too lazy to go back to my duties.
The corners of her mouth sagged further downward, her initial vigor to confront the vegetable farmer withering significantly. “How could I be so selfish?”
The purple mare let out a yelp as the corners of her mouth were forced upward. A shrill voice forced her ears down. “Time to turn that frowny upside downy!”
The Princess toppled backwards with a splash, bringing her pink attacker into the chilly waters with her. “Unhoof me now!” Celestia exclaimed as she thrashed about. Miraculously, Pinkie Pie still had a leech-like grip on her face.
“Nu-uh, not until you smile!” Her attacker said in a singsong voice.
“No!”
“Smile!”
“No! I’m not in the mood!”
Pinkie looked up to the sky. “BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, YOU WILL SMILE!”
The party pony finally let go as Celestia burst into laughter. “What in the Star Swirl’s beard are you even talking about?”
“Yes!” Pinkie Pie hoof pumped. “Another victory in the name of laughter!”
Pinkie Pie leapt out of the fountain and shook the water from her coat like a soggy dog. Bystanders scurried away to avoid being sprayed. The chuckling unicorn and crazy earth pony were left to themselves. Pinkie’s coat puffed up like a giant blob of cotton candy then quickly settled back down.
Celestia tried to return to her dower mood by literally soaking in misery, but something about this party mare wouldn’t let the small smile leave her mug. What is with her? Where did she come from just then?
The princess just realized Pinkie Pie was looking at her, beckoning to her from the street.
“Well, are you coming, or are you just gonna’ sit in the fountain like a weirdo pony?” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes.
Celestia sloshed out of the shallow fountain. With great magical precision, the water in Twilight’s coat lifted away into a floating orb that was lowered gracefully back into the water fountain. “I’m a little busy right now, Pinkie. We can talk later.”
“Well, if you don’t have time for one of your loyal subjects, then I guess I’ll just make like a tree and leave.” With that, the party mare started bouncing away at a seemingly impossible rate, each hop timed to some unheard beat.
Celestia almost turned to continue on her way. Wait a minute... did she just say ‘loyal subjects’? She chased after the spunky, jumpy pony, forgetting she could have just teleported.
The princess had to hop along with Pinkie Pie to stay at eye level, which made it difficult to speak. “What... did you... mean... by... loyal subjects?”
If Pinkie had heard her, then she must have ignored the question. The two mares continued to hop past various market stands and permanent establishments. They passed a number of alleys and streets while Pinkie said nothing, only pausing to give a friendly wave or smile at passers by. Just when Celestia thought she might collapse from all the hopping, Pinkie Pie finally stopped.
“Why don’t you take a seat?” the party pony asked in a strangely serious voice.
“What seat...” When did we get inside? Celestia turned around to find a slightly worn red chair. It was longer than a normal chair, lacked any arm support, and one end was angled upwards at a comfortable incline. Celestia lay on her belly with her hooves tucked in front of herself. She felt the need for a rest anyhow.
Pinkie finished digging through a nearby box, pulling out a framed scroll and hanging on the wall. It read ‘Certified Psychologist,’ with Pinkie Pie’s name fancily written at the bottom in what might have been pink icing.
Celestia snorted. “You're going to psychoanalyze me? Says the pony who is addicted to chocolate rain clouds... no offense.”
“None taken, but don’t knock it till you try it. Besides, this is about you, not me. We can’t have The Princess all sady waddy.” Pinkie said booping Celestia's purple nose.
The princess slumped back in the chair with her hooves behind her head. “Fine, but only because you know who I am. You have ten minutes to gain my confidence.” This is going nowhere, but maybe I’ll learn something about Pinkie Pie.
“Great! It’s going to be so much fun! I’ll get to help you get over deep-rooted psychological trauma, talk about childhood fears, and hang out all at the same time!”
Woo! Deep-rooted psychological trauma is fun. “I don’t have any psychological problems, Pinkie.”
“Patient is in denial.” The the peppy pink pony said as she scrawled a note on a clipboard. She looked up at Celestia with a big smile. “See, we're already making progress.”
There was a loud sound as a purple hoof met the bone of its owner’s forehead.
There was more scratching of a quill from the chair beside Celestia's. “Patient is showing signs of self-abuse.”
Just nine minutes and forty-seven seconds left.
***
Sometime later...
Celestia swallowed the last of an especially delicious cupcake.“How did you figure it out... That I was the Princess, that is? How long did you know?”
“I noticed, like, the second day you were here. You were acting like Celestia trying to act like Twilight, instead of Twilight being Twilight.” Pinkie Pie scratched her chin and scrunched her nose up. “You should try to be more Twilightish and less Twilighty. That and you smell different.”
Celestia just stared for a few moments before she spoke. “You really can be profound sometimes...”
Celestia's thoughts trailed off as she walked away from Pinkius piacus, extracting an impossibly long streamer from one of her ears. As she made her way down to the first floor of Sugar Cube Corner, she crossed paths with a spiky-maned unicorn.
“Hey, Vinyl, what are you doing here?”
“Oh, my main mare Pinkie Pie asked me to play music for the big Castle par-tay! Princess Celestia may have chosen to have this party, but I’m not letting those boring Canterlot folks pick all the tunes.”
“Right, the big party for her subjects,” that I was advised not to go to by, ‘myself.’
“You better get train tickets before they run out. Celestia left the party open to anyone.” Vinyl floated out some slips of paper from a saddle bag. “I got some extra train ticks if you need ‘em. It would be way less cool if I had to debut my first song of my new album, “Dragonforce V.S. Airborne Magica,” without the the Unicorn Warrior herself and her trusty steed.”
Celestia pushed the tickets gently away. “Sorry, but I have... other things I need to attend to,” suchas making sure my student and I don’t get arrested at the same time.
Vinyl's ears folded back slightly. “Oh, this is about your terrible dancing isn’t it? Well, if you change your mind, I’ll be holding them for a while.”
“I’m a great dancer,” Celestia protested. “And what’s with the ‘Unicorn Warrior’ thing?”
“Right, sure. Your secret is safe with me, not that it’s very secret,” Vinyl laughed. ‘Unicorn Warrior’ is what everypony is calling you after the dragon attack, or at least they will be after the party.
Great, a new title for my student. “That reminds me, here you go.” Celestia floated out the purple-tinted shades she borrowed during the scaly invasion.
“You can keep ‘em.” Vinyl waved a hoof. “You looked pretty bad-flank with a pair of my shades. Just remember not to look at explosions.”
“Because cool mares don’t look at explosions?”
“No, because it’s a freakin’ explosion! But yeah, also because that.”
Vinyl headed upstairs, and Celestia made her way out the door.
***
It felt like mountains of stress had left her soul. Celestia was reluctant to believe it was all Pinkie Pie’s doing. It’s just that nopony dared suggest that she, the one who formerly raised the sun and moon, ever needed a psychiatrist. There were still things to rectify, but now Celestia believed she knew why she had been acting out. There was a small concern that perhaps being in Twilight’s body was effecting her judgment somehow, but she couldn’t be sure unless she asked Twilight as well.
Just the fact that she had to use a recollection spell to remember the last time she had a “vacation” from her royal duties was a sign that Celestia did indeed deserve a break. Not only deserved it but needed the mental release. Three thousand and sixty-seven years since she had taken a day off was a pretty long time after all. It didn’t make her feel completely comfortable with how she had taken advantage of this weird set of circumstances involving her student, but it definitely made her feel better.
After all, she had been able to save the town from ravaging dragons. Even if the Ponyville had gotten a little burnt, Twilight herself had nearly destroyed the town on a couple occasions. She was also getting to know more about Twilight and her friends, which she regretfully didn’t have much time for while she was a princess. Pinkie Pie was right. She may have been ‘a tinsy weensy bit selfish,’ but it was ‘understandable.’
Now, with a clear head, Celestia headed for Carrot Top’s house.
Celestia had heard of the tensions between the Apple family and the Carrots, but she had never been there in person. She barely read through a fraction of the documents she had to sign, and what little she did know was rumors and hearsay. In other words, she had only a vague understanding of why they had so many... disagreements.
Whatever the reasons, it was high time it all ended.
Unlike the Apple family, Carrot Top had a house in town, in addition to a farmhouse out in the fields of her family’s property. Her home on the edge of Ponyville was a sort of staging ground for moving and selling the family crops and a place to call her own.
This last bit she had learned from Berry Punch, who had agreed to keep watch over Carrot Top’s home and garden. Apparently the farm-mare went to, “assure her plans for revenge.” That was what Berry had told her anyhow.
The mulberry mare wished Celestia good luck as she left for the farmlands. When Berry Punch had asked ‘Twilight’ if she had taken part in the crime, the best answer Celestia could give was, “It’s complicated.”
Now she found herself staring up up at the metal sign of “Rooted Revere Farms,” before looking down to the checklist Pinkie gave to her. Celestia also made an invisible list for a personal agenda. Having these things laid out on paper was comforting.
- Fix things with the Carrots, without a royal vengeance.
- Find Fluttershy, and give her a big hug
- Apologize to Flitter and Cloudchaser for being a forgetful meanie pants, even if it was sort of an accident
- Beware of clouds
Personal agenda:
- Stop the Cutie Mark Crusaders from meddling with the timeline
- Research how to switch back into my body
- Investigate trouble at the Palace
- Study the possible effects of long term mind swapping
She considered that stopping The Cutie Mark Crusaders from traveling through time should have been her top priority, but the last time she saw Sweetie Belle she looked far too exhausted to try the spell again anytime soon. Regardless, time was something she couldn't waste, as Stonewall was surely getting close to solving this case.
Celestia re-read the overly curly, pink mouth-writing. While carrying around a list helped her look the part of Twilight better, she would have liked to write it herself. Some of Pinkie’s wording was a little... different than she would have liked, if not cryptic at times. For example, what in Equestria did Pinkie mean by ‘Beware of clouds?’ Celestia shook her head free of ‘Pinkymania,’ as Twilight had called it in her studies.
The wrought iron gate squeaked as Celestia pushed it open. The sound only increased her apprehension. After all, she was about to make peace with the same pony who had insulted her sister and herself.
***
Celestia was thrown to the ground once again. She could taste and smell the dirt that covered her face and coat. She knew she would have a black eye after this was over. These sensations were nothing compared to the pain shooting up her back leg which was being pulled upward and nearly reaching the back of her mane.
“Do you give up yet, or do you like the taste of my land too much?”
Through watering eyes, Celestia looked over her shoulder at the banana yellow hooves causing her misery. “Never give up... Never surrender. I... shall not yield!” I just came to make peace.
“I could keep this up all—” The farm-mare was cut off.
Celestia swore she heard something in her leg pop as she thrust her free back leg upwards and shoved Carrot Top off of her back. The unicorn rolled over to the stunned earth pony and locked her purple arms around the mare’s neck. Celestia held her over her lap so Carrot Top couldn't get her front hooves close to her face. She then locked her back legs over the yellow mare’s.
“Now dost thou yield?!”
“...”
Celestia had to loosen her grip a little, as the earth pony’s words were unintelligible at first. “What was that you say?”
“Halt, criminal scum! you are under arrest!” A large golden-armored pegasus cast a shadow over the pair of fighting mares.
“Ah, Stonewall. This isn't what it looks like! I can explain.” Now Stonewall decides to show up.
“You can pay your fine or explain in jail! I’m disappointed in you, Twilight Sparkle, just as The Princess will be, (of that) I am sure.”
Why is this happening? Is it because the universe wants its sun back?
(Twilight... In which Pinkie Pie gets carried away with screen time)
***
Canterlot Castle. For thousands of years it has stood as a symbol of pride and power for Equestria. Its many towers, parapets, and gardens stand separated from the city by a moat and, in some places the sheer drop of the cliffs of Canterlot Mountain. Many ponies still wonder how portions of the castle seem to defy physics by hanging over the valley below. In truth, most of the castle was built on a flattened ledge excavated into the mountain's face; the towers and walls on this ledge acting as a counterweight to the impressive outcroppings of reflection pools and vertical fortifications. Most just chalk it up to “magic.”
Though all ponies are technically allowed an audience with the diarchs inside, one must first submit their reason for entry, pass through the main gate, and get screened by highly trained soldiers of Her Majesty's Royal guard.
Celestia’s student and a select few were the only ponies who passed in and out of the fortress without so much as a nod from the guards. One pony searched Pinkie Pie, while two others barred her from passing through the castle gate.
The mare stopped bouncing for the third time. Her inspector only needed to glare for a moment to calm her down.
I can't wait to see Twilight with wings. I’ll need a lot of flour. I can’t wait to meet the party planers! “Ooh, this is so exciting!”
“Uh, Ms Pie. What’s so exciting about a security patdown?” Searchlight asked, while removing a large kitchen knife from Pinkie’s mane. There was an odd blue trail that followed the knife’s tip and it made metallic ‘shing’ sounds as it floated through the air. After tossing the blade into a pile of confiscated items, Searchlight started another detection spell and waved his horn over Pinkie's body for what seemed like the dozenth time.
Pinkie let out a small giggle. “Not that silly. I’m thinking about how many cupcakes I get to make and meeting Twilight Princess!”
Searchlight was about to ask what she meant by that until his horn started beeping over Pinkie's tail. He floundered around the curly abyss until he pulled out yet another object of intrigue. The thing was comprised of a leather band attached to two brass eye rings. He nodded to the two gate guards. “Alright, I think that’s finally it. Stud Muffin, Vigilance, I think she’s good for entry.”
The guard on the right stopped his statue impression to look at Pinkie. “Sorry madam, we’ll need to hold onto your cutlery, sledgehammer, whatever this thing is, and your... cart of explosives, before we let you in.” Stud Muffin almost lost his stoic expression while continuing to list the rest of the contraband.
“But I need all that stuff for the party! And that thing is my night vision goggles. Their name is Garry, and the’re night-vision-y and stuff. How am I supposed to cook and cut pastries, or see things from within the shadows, or make explosions that don’t make you less cool if you look at them? I just learned how to make fireworks last week! I’m sure they won’t hurt anypony. I was invited to throw a party and I need to do this right,” Pinkie Pie pounded one hoof into the other while leaning forward into the guard’s face.
Across from his partner, Vigilance wondered how Pinkie wasn’t falling on her face. His fellow guard certainly didn’t seem to notice while he spoke with the anxious mare.
“You are on the list Ms Pie, but we can’t let you endanger the princesses or the castle occupants,” Stud Muffin said with finality.
Pinkie quivered her bottom lip and made her pupils as big as possible. Which for Pinkie Pie, is pretty disturbingly large. She looked up at the well-built stallion, “But, but, but I need splodey things.”
Vigilance started lowering his spear, but his partner shot out a hoof to block him. “You may retrieve what you need once inside the castle.” His features showed no sympathy.
Pinkie stopped pouting. “Oh, you're gooood. Not many ponies can take, ‘The Pinkie Pout.’ Too bad Rarity isn’t here to whine at you like she did to those diamond dogs.” Oh well, I’m sure they will have ways to make homemade explosives somewhere in the castle. Wait! I guess it would be castle-made, not homemade. Unless I lived in a castle. Oooh, that would be so cool! I could throw a giant castle party! Oh yeah, I am throwing a giant castle party!
“I've seen it all. Pouting, weeping, complaining, whining, bribing, begging, yelling and screaming.” The armored stallion paused to strike a valiant pose. Stud Muffin planted the butt of his spear in the dirt. “No one gets past This Stud!” He kept his nose high until he felt a nudge in his side.
“Uh, sir? She just walked past us.” Vigilance pointed out.
“Oh. I meant to do that.”
“Really? Because it looks like you were striking poses again?” Vigilance sighed in disappointment.
“Vigilance, we already confiscated everything dangerous. What possible harm could she do?”
“I suppose you're right, but are you really letting her take what she wants from the castle kitchens, especially after finding all those throwing stars and rainbow smoke bombs in her mane?”
Stud Muffin was scribbling out a message on a scroll. “Buck no!” He finished the scroll by stamping it with the guard’s seal. “Take this message to the kitchens pronto!”
“Uh, you know Pronto doesn’t start working till Saturday?” Vigilance asked.
Pinkie Pie looked back across the drawbridge at the three guards, before disappearing into the castle. “What weirdos.” This place has worse security than Ponyville General Hospital. At least I still have you, party cannon.
***
Shining Armor dragged a hoof down his face as he released a long sigh. The pain in the bridge of his nose from the bare hoof never really registered. Right now he had much bigger things to worry about.
To name a few, his sister was running the country, the Major General and Commander Swift Claw were up to some devious plan, and he still had his normal guard duties. Shining Armor had little time to spare, even before his little sister had become a princess. The fact that ponies were constantly asking when or if Shine Bright was coming back, including that one stallion with the box of chocolates, didn’t make things any easier.
If my life were a box of chocolates I’d just grow outrageously fat consuming all my problems. Anyway...
While he and Twilight were on the run from Cadence, she suspected Double Edge wanted a large number of guards outside the capital. Shining Armor was getting a sneaking suspicion as to why, but he sure hoped he was wrong.
Even though Twilight had cast down the treaty for the griffin alliance, there was still some significance in what it would have meant for the scheming duo. Shining reviewed what little he could infer from what he knew.
In the griffin’s proposal of alliance, Swift Claw had a asked for a large contingent of guards to bolster the border of Diamond Dog lands.
Double Edge had mentioned a plan B, which involved staging some attack on the towns of Ponyville and Griffindor. This he remembered from the secret meeting in the library's west wing.
If Ponyville were attacked, Equestrian guards would be dispatched in full force.
Under the new alliance law, Equestrian guards would have been dispatched to protect the griffin town mentioned at the secret meeting.
He let out a long groan.
What the hay am I supposed to do?
Captain Armor looked down at a list of ponies spilling over the end of his hardwood desk. The list lay over a pile of maps and notes he had gathered in hopes of forming some sort of plan. So far he had only come to two conclusions, neither of which were very helpful.
Canterlot is in trouble, and I can’t trust any of my guards.
Even if he used a truth detection spell, he couldn’t just ask, “are you a traitor?”. No, that would alert the the General and any others involved. Even if he were able to screen the guards without alerting the others, the traitors could be protected by powerful magic, which could put him in an even worse position. Sometimes he hated magic just as much as he loved it for being a boon for his protection spells.
His desk shook with the force of his pounding hoof. How could they betray me? I need to stop whatever’s going on, but at the same time, my guards could stab me in the flank.
His attention shifted over to a very short scroll of twenty-three names scribbled in his horn-writing.
“Is this really it? Out of the three hundred guards of the Solar Regiment, I get—”
Knock, Knock, Knock.
Shining returned to his notes, ignoring the knocking on his office door. Whatever they wanted couldn’t be as important as this.
Knock, Knock, Knock.
This time the beating on his door seemed more urgent.
“Like I told everypony else, Shine Bright isn’t coming back! Now unless you want to be demoted, leave my office door alone!” All day it had been the same two questions: What are you doing in your office and when is Shine Bright coming back? One would think ponies would respect the privacy of a superior.
It almost seemed easier to control the guards as a mare.
“Sir?” The muffled voice from the other side of the door sounded deeply concerned. He could tell it was a mare, but it wasn’t from his Cadence.
“May I enter, sir?” Whoever it was jiggled the door handle, but the solid iron latch kept the door shut.
Shining Armor considered just pretending to be absent. If they were upset it would only add to the stack of problems at hoof. The only problem was that infuriating tapping noise the lock made whenever that mare from Tartarus refused to leave him in peace.
“Might as well get this over with,” he said, unlocking the door.
When the door opened, Shining looked past the mare at his door and noticed Princess Luna conversing with guards in the practice fields. Having finished whatever conversation she was having, she took off towards the castle. In a few steps, Morning Star trotted up to his desk and stood rigid at attention. Her hoof met her forehead in a smart salute just as the office door closed.
“At ease. What brings you here Lieutenant Star?” Shining caught himself before asking if she wanted to go shopping with him and the girls again.
Morning Star rubbed one foreleg over the other, eyeing the wood slats that lined the floor. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”
Captain Armor remained silent for a few moments, before acknowledging his guard. The only sound was the pair’s breathing. “Permission granted,” Shining said, looking back down at his papers in the vain hope that some answers had magically appeared.
Morning Star continued to fidget. “Well, um, some of us noticed you haven't been out much lately. Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong. I've just been very busy,” Shining said coldly.
After a few moments of silence, Shining found a hoof in the middle of his papers. The pegasus kept it there until Shining looked up into her green eyes.
“There isn’t anything wrong? You’ve missed two drills and haven’t spoken to any of us outside of the few times we’ve seen you.” She wasn’t asking this time.
The two ponies’ noses inched closer and closer as Morning Star leaned forward. Shining countered her by pushing off of his desk with his front hooves. Soon they were close enough to make Cadence jealous.
Shining Armor finally spoke. “I guess if I’m not getting any work done with you here, I may as well tell you.” He sat back down on his office chair.
***
The time on his watch band read 10:48am. The stallion reached out with his mind, seeking out that of another. His horn dimly pulsed with crimson magic. Once the telepathic link was established, his mind was assaulted by the thoughts of another.
‘Agent Orange, the target has entered the castle. Are you in position?’ The unspoken words echoed within the unicorn’s mind. He didn't even flinch, considering this had been routine for nearly three hours.
A few moments of mental silence passed before the voice spoke up again. ‘Is she coming or not?’ His partner was obviously getting antsy, but she had never been a patient pegasus.
The unicorn concentrated his thoughts. You didn’t say over. Belladonna, you know how much mental feedback can hurt if we communicate at the same time. And just call me Shaodow Wisp. We don’t need code names in these psychic links, over.
‘Yeah, yeah, is she almost to you or not? ...Over,’ Belladonna asked.
All was quiet in the northern corridor until the click clack of hooves echoed from around the corner of the adjacent hall. High above the marble floor a rust orange unicorn peeked over the edge of one of the mammoth sized rafters. His black dyed mane and tail went along with the black tactical harness secured around his chest and barrel.
I can hear her coming now. Just a little closer and I’ll have her, over. Shadow Wisp continued to wait patiently for his approaching target. A few beads of sweat on his brow were the only signs of nervousness from the stallion.
Not a moment later, a pink mare mare was passing below his position. Shadow leaned forward and charged his horn with a stun spell fit for an elephant. The red bolt shot straight towards the unsuspecting mare.
“Ooh!” She yelped in surprise. Her exclamation was so short it barely echoed within the hall. The spell whized over his target’s head as she knelt down to pick something off of the floor. “A bit! It must be my lucky day!” Pinkie Pie smiled as she stuck the bit into her saddlebags and continued to hop over the smoking divot in front of her.
“Somepony should really fix this hole in the floor. Somepony could trip.” Pinkie pointed a hoof back at the offending spot before she hopped along her way.
When Pinkie Pie was out of sight, a black rope descended from above and Shadow Wisp quietly repelled down the wall to the floor.
“How could I miss?! I never miss,” he said while grinding his teeth. He cast “move silently” spell on his hooves and started after the elusive pink mare, pausing as the voice in his head started again.
‘Shadow Wisp? Did you secure the target, over?’
No, she... got away. I’m in pursuit, over. Shadow Wisp’s ears flicked in annoyance.
‘I thought you said you never miss, over?’
I didn’t miss Belladonna. She just... moved out of the way, over. He took a calming breath. “I have all the time I need. Yes, soon she’ll be all mine,” Shadow said, rubbing his hooves together.
“Who will be all yours?”
Shadow nearly jumped out of his coat. He turned around to see none other than, his target, Pinkie Pie. “How did you get behind me?”
Pinkie Pie simply turned her head and smiled. “Uh duh, I walked. Although I guess I hopped a little too, and swam...”
“I... what the hay are you saying?” The stallion’s face contorted as Pinkie continued to list seemingly random modes of locomotion.
“...and then I loop de looped around and wham! Wait, that was Rainbow Dash.” Pinkie’s attention snapped back to Shadow Wisp. “Hey! You still didn't tell me who will be all yours. Is she somepony you want as your special somepony, but then you got rejected?” Pinkie suddenly inhaled a mass of air. “Or maybe you're some spy assassin pony hunter? That might scare off the mares you know, unless they like the whole dark and brooding thing? But don’t feel bad, there's plenty more fish in the sea. Not that you would want to date a fish.”
Shadow Wisp’s sweat dropped. My cover may be blown, but I can still salvage this. “What makes you think I could be—” He was about to charge his horn again, but Pinkie clapped a hoof over his mouth and forced him behind a nearby window curtain.
By Celestia’s royal flank, just be quiet for a second! He continued to struggle against Pinkie’s surprising strength.
Pinkie Pie continued to hold her hoof over the unicorn’s mouth as she forced him to stay in the window alcove. “Shhh, The guard around the corner will hear you. You must have been sent here from the future to stop another time assassin from assassinating somepony in this time and unraveling the space time continuum.” Pinkie Pie leaned into his ear to whisper, “Your secret is safe with me,” before she winked inches from his muzzle.
With that, Pinkie Pie backed out of the curtain and bounded away down the hall once more.
Shadow Wisp stood stock still behind the crimson window curtain. He slowly slid down the wall onto his haunches. What the buck just happened? Not a moment later, he felt a soft pressure in his horn and a familiar voice rung out in his head again.
‘Has your cover been blown, over?’
I’m not sure... I mean no, over. Shadow thought back.
‘How can you not be sure? Never mind, we may want to abort the mission. I think Pinkie Pie might be a special agent, over.’
Shadow poked his head out of the curtain to check for any more interruptions. When the coast seemed clear he ducked back under and stuck his tactical gear in a saddle bag. He pulled out some cuff links that matched the castle serving staff. Straightening the collar he continued his chat. She’s special all right, but what makes you think she’s a spy, over?
‘I was just going through the stuff the guards confiscated from Pinkie Pie, and I’ve found a sledgehammer, a pink suitcase filled with kitchen knives, and a cart of explosives. That isn’t even the weirdest stuff. I also found some rainbow smoke bombs, pink throwing stars, and what appears to be a pair of night vision goggles. The strangest part is the report here says most of this stuff was hidden in her mane and tail of all places.’
Shadow Wips was practically shaking with agitation. And you couldn’t have told me this before I faced her a few moments ago, over?
‘Hey, I just started going through this stuff, Belladonna noted defensively. There was a brief pause. Judging by the markings on these goggles I’d say she’s working for Luna, over.
“Darnit! It all makes sense now” Shadow Wisp cursed under his breath.General Double said that Luna doesn’t plan on negotiating the terms of their alliance until Tuesday night, over.
‘So what you're saying is Luna hasn’t called off her assets yet, over?’ His accomplice chimed in.
Shadow scratched his chin, overlooking the city below the palace. That or Luna never intended to join him. This only makes the success of this mission more important. If we can capture Pinkie, then we can find out where Luna’s true allegiance—
“Why is there a smoldering hole in this hall?” Shadow Wisp spun around and almost poked his horn into the helm of a royal guard.
“Can’t you see that I’m in the middle of a telepathic call right now? I’m conducting important business for Equestria here.” He dismissed the royal guard with a hoof before he returned to the voice in his head.
We’ve come so far already, I’m continuing the mission, over.
“Does it look like it’s my job to clean up the castle?” Shadow waved his hoof dismissively.
The guard looked up and down at the unicorn’s attire. “Yes, actually it does.” The guard put a hoof to Shadow’s chest and gave him a nudge. “Now I can tell you must be new around here so I’ll give you a chance to fix this before I report you.”
Too bad blasting this guy would just draw even more attention, Shadow Wisp thought.
‘Wait, who are you not blasting?’ The disembodied voice asked in a panic.
I have to go... clean up a mess. Agent Orange out.
What did you do this time? Did you just kill somepony?! This is like Neighva Scotia all over again.
***
Pinkie Pie could smell the kitchens from far across the castle. With a little wandering, she found herself in front of the swinging double doors. The challenge was not getting there, so much as getting past the two cooks standing in her way.
She confronted the cooks who spoke with Prench accents. “But how can he cook if he’s just a head? I mean, he can use his mouth I guess, but how can he get around the kitchen?” Pinkie rolled her eyes with annoyance.
She pointed out that the document signed by the gate guard never said she couldn’t cook in the kitchens if she didn’t take utensils from it, but apparently that didn't matter. The Head Chef Arugula Snips didn’t want some simple town pony messing around in 'his kitchen.'
“He’s not just a head. Chef Arugula decides who is allowed into his kitchen and who is not,” one of ponies said. He obviously misunderstood that Pinkie was picturing a pony head rolling around the kitchen floor using a spatula to propel itself around. It all seemed very unsanitary to her.
Once she was done thinking about how fast showers would be while only being a head, she looked at the other pony cook twirling a hoof around his moustache. “Look, all I wanted was to make some yummy treats for the other party planners and the Princess. That way I could prevent total disaster from befalling the kingdom.”
“No, you look— wait, what was that last part?” The accent completely dropped like a bad souffle. “You need to cook something for the Princess?”
“Yeppers!” Pinkie nodded rapidly.
He promptly stepped aside. “Well, why didn’t you say something before? What could possibly be worse than keeping the princess waiting?”
***
Streaks of gooey red liquid rolled over Pinkie Pie’s panting pink chest. She hunkered down behind one of the aluminum serving carts, hoping that soon, the madness would end.
The metal food preparation tables had all been turned on their sides to form trenches and fortifications across the kitchens.
Within the massive kitchen, the floor between her and the enemy's trenches had become a tiled wasteland of the culinary arts.
The remains of the dearly departed prench cuisine and home made pastries lay scattered throughout the castle kitchens, never to be enjoyed by pony kind.
Maid ponies dragged the casualties out of the kitchen as others moaned in horror. The maids were trying desperately to avoid the hail of fire from Pinkie’s cannon and her squad of chefs while they dragged ponies to safety and carried the remains of the war across the kitchen tiles in waste bags.
Her corner of the kitchen had been covered in batter and chunks of dessert even before the food fight had began. Pinkie remembered getting an eye twitch, ear flop, nose itches in her Pinkie sense. Then her pastries would just explode for no good reason! If only Chef Arugula Snips hadn’t walked in and been such a snooty pants. Why would anypony be upset about being absolutely covered in raspberry filling!
Why was he called a ‘head chef?!’ He obviously has a body! Pinkie mentally fumed.
He refused to try any of her cupcakes and called her baked goods uncouth, unrefined, and that of an amateur.
I don’t know what uncouth means, but “un” anything can’t be good. And of course my baked goods are unrefined! Processed sugars and artificial ingredients taste terrible.
Pinkie motioned her hoof towards the cooking staff that joined her against the tyranny of Arugula’s Culinary reign. They were the few, and the proud that gave her cooking a chance. They had tasted the glory of a purely simple yet complex confection. She and four others rose from cover with their best war faces, rainbow frosting war paint across their cheeks.
They released whipped cream pies and assorted fruits and vegetables from their hooves and spoon catapults in the name of creative cooking and all natural recipes!
Pinkie pulled the string to her cannon, releasing a shower of kumkwat cupcakes while screaming, “And my cooking is totally better than that of an armchair! Even if they are chairs that have arms!” The volley of just desserts raced across the room.
“What does that— arghh!” The head chef’s hat was knocked across the room by one of the pastry projectiles and part of another had lodged itself in his mouth. Heavy casualties were sustained from both sides in the exchange of food flinging.
There was an immediate cease fire as everypony watched Arugula swallow the morsel. He grabbed a nearby cloth and wiped his mouth despite his coat being matted with the spoils of war.
“Ziz... Zis is the most delectable pastry I have had in years.” He let out a soft grunt. “I will allow you to use my kitchen—”
A victory cheer signaled the end of the war along with many poofy chef hats being flung high.
“—Eghm, but there is one condition!” Many ponies sighed and others reloaded their food flingers.
“Ms Pie must teach me zis recipe.” Arugula declared.
Pinkie scratched her chin. “I don’t know, this recipe is pretty superrific, and you were being kind of a meanie. However, we’re kinda running low on ammunition over here.” Pinkie hopped across the noponies’ land and up to Arugula Snips. “I’ll accept your terms of surrender as long as you try to be more accepting of other ponies’ cooking ideas.”
Chef Arugula accepted Pinkie’s olive branch of peace. He set it aside and they shook hooves with each other. Everypony sighed in relief, except one mare in the corner who looked nearly done building a mini ballista to fire baguettes.
“I suppose zis whole mess could have been avoided if I had not been so quick to judge.” He released her hoof and a smile formed under his large moustache, which apparently was required for all the stallions in the kitchen. His smile faltered. “Alright, I want to see zis kitchen back in order by the time I get back from a shower and a late lunch you snivelling half wits!”
Pinkie looked at the chef expectantly.
He threw his hooves in the air. “What can I say? I agreed to accept other’s cooking. Nopony said I had to stop belittling them.” With that he was out the door.
The maids and cooks groaned with disappointment, but got to cleaning regardless. One maid pony seemed to be having a hard time sweeping away a large mass of grounded foodstuffs. No matter how hard she pushed with her broom, the mass wouldn't budge. Tightening her magical grip, she hefted the broom upward before swinging it into the pile. The effect was an unworldly groan that echoed throughout the kitchen. Everypony turned to see the blobby mess rise from the floor. It staggered from side to side as it made its way towards Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pointed a hoof to the exit. “Everypony run! The food has been disgraced by the floor and has come to life to destroy its creators!”
All the ponies scampered out, some tripping over tables and slipping on food scraps before making it through the swinging doors. One of the mares that had stood by Pinkie’s side looked back through the doorway. “I will not abandon you, glorious leader!”
“Just go! Save yourself! I'm used to fighting things like this in Twilight's underground lab! Mostly on Tuesdays.” Pinkie yelled as she prepared to battle the culinary monster before her. The mare at the door saluted and left.
Not a moment later, the doors swung open again. “What is going on in...” Bright Herald and Porcelain Pot, took one look at the food monster and the pink mare attached to its back screaming, “I will consume you completely!” through clenched teeth. It came out more like “I vill cunsume vu cumpeetly!” but that didn’t stop the Court Announcer and maid from slowly backing out the door grumbling "huminah" repeatedly.
Unbeknownst to the two ponies who left, Pinkie finally learned that the monster she was trying to eat was in fact Shadow Wisp covered from head to hoof in food scraps. While devouring food off the monster’s back, Pinkie had discovered patches of an orange coat beneath. Even after she found out the food monster was merely a pony, it was many minutes before she jumped of Shadow’s back.
“Finally! It took you long enough to notice.”
“Oh, I noticed like five minutes ago. The girly screaming and running in a circle made it pretty obvious.” Pinkie stood up and waved her arms about. “I mean, monsters usually go ‘grrr or roar’ and stuff. I’m just speaking from experience here”
"If you knew, then why didn't you let go of my mane earlier!" He yelled.
Pinkie followed the stallion into a large supply closet, where Shadow retrieved a towel and started wiping himself off.
"Well..." Pinkie looked off to the side at the pantry they had moved to. "I was getting back for you scaring everypony, I was having too much fun, and just because food is caked onto a pony does not mean it needs to go to waste! So, what made you decide to cover yourself in food and lie down in the middle of a food fight?"
Shadow wisp grasped a couple sacks of flour off a shelf from above. He tried his best to ignore Pinkie as she started licking the food off herself like a cat.
"I didn’t cover myself. I was trying to—"
Pinkie didn’t seem to be listening. "I mean if you were trying to impress that mare you were talking about then covering yourself in food probably isn't the way to go."
Pinkie’s tail twitched and she rolled over to clean her other side. White powder exploded everywhere when the flour bags missed her head by inches and mashed into the stone floor. She paid it no mind, opting to keep licking some cream cheese from her belly.
Shadow Wisp growled in defeat.
"Aww, don't be angry about being shy. I guess it sort of worked on getting my attention, but unless I was..." Pinkie looked up at the dirty unicorn with a toothy grin. “I'm the mare you've been after all this time."
Ahhhgg!" He couldn’t take it anymore and pounced onto the pink mare. In a puff of white smoke he had her pinned to the floor.
Pinkie looked up at her captor and smiled deviously. "Little rough don't you think?"
“Ms Pie do you need any... help.” The wrestling pair looked up at Porcelain Pot’s blue grey face poking through the pantry door.
“Naw, it’s all good in here. It turns out the food monster was actually this stallion and he’s finally gotten over his shyness to profess his secret love to me.”
“Oh, okay then.” The serving mare left, the door quietly clicking closed behind her.
“What?! I’m not professing my love!” Shadow distanced himself from Pinkie’s face, but kept her pinned down with his hooves. “I've been trying to catch you all day long, but all my spells keep missing and hitting pastries or ricocheting into me! I was stuck lying on the floor half numb from a stun spell for forty-five minutes! And I had the most annoying itch on my flank. But now, I have you right where I want you.”
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “You could have just asked me on a date like a normal stallion. Though normal is just another word for boooring! If you wanted to catch me so bad, I am due for my weekly sugar induced coma any minute.” Pinkie fluttered her eyelashes. “I’ve always wanted to date a cute psychotic unicorn.”
Shaodow could swear he chipped a molar clenching his jaw for the thousandth time that day. “I’m not interested in you. I only want to kidnap you and get paid!”
His shout was met with silence. He looked down to see Pinkie Pie unconscious, her chest rising and falling slowly. He almost thought she looked sort of cute, with her pink fur fluffy and free, her little pudge from consuming so many sweets. That is, until a pool of drool and mashed food started forming around her muzzle. Shadow Wisp shivered in disgust as he heaved the food and saliva covered mare onto his back. He draped a rune covered blanket over Pinkie and stepped out of the large pantry. Laden with his invisible target, Shadow left the kitchens to find a more private venue.
Shadow wisp opened up the mental link to his partner once more. Belladonna, I have laughter in a bottle. I’ll meet you at The Room.
***
Morning Star, backed away from Shining’s face as soon as he finished talking. “A coup!” she exclaimed, reeling around and making her way to the door. “We have to tell the Princesses right now!” She raised a hoof to the handle only to find a wall of magic blocking the door.
“You can't tell them,” Shining Armor said with finality. The bolt slid home behind the veil of magic.
Before Shining could explain, Morning Star was already making her own conclusions. Her eyes darted around the exit for a weakness. “What do you mean I can’t tell them?” Her voice was oddly quiet.
“It’s complicated, but I can—”
She was still facing the door. “We have to tell them.” Star released something from under her wing. Her head turned slightly to the side to grasp the object, careful not to fully reveal it.
Shining tried to speak as calmly as possible. “Now, I know this looks bad—”
“Wait a minute!” Her speech was muffled by something in her mouth. Star swiveled around and narrowed her eyes at her Captain. Shining was not surprised to see her brandishing her morning star, but he was put off by the blue glow of the weapon, complete with a white fog wafting of its surface. “I get it. You're in on it. You’ve been planning the whole thing! You only let me in here so you could take me out before I ruined your plans!”
“No, you have it all wrong. You’re one of my best soldiers. I know your friends, I know your favorite color is purple!” Shining shook his head and held up his hooves. “That sounded creepy, what I meant was—”
“YOU WERE SPYING ON ME!” Before Shining could finish, the pegasus leapt into the air, brandishing her spiked club. A pink shield sprang up as her weapon came down. The morning star struck his magic barrier and skidded downward into his wooden desk. With an explosion of wood and splinters, the desk lay in many more than two pieces.
In a few moments, the dust in the small office settled to reveal Shining Armor standing behind a pink bubble of magic. The area at his hooves had been spared of the mess in the rest of his office due to his shield, but to his astonishment, some shallow scratches had been carved into it by the single strike. He quickly mended the damage with a portion of his magical reserves.
“Lieutenant! Let me explain,” he said firmly. What the hay! Why can’t I grab her weapon with my magic? Every time he reached for the hilt his magic slipped away like a greased pig.
“Explain what, TRAITOR! I bet you got rid of Shine Bright too!” she yelled, striking the shield again. She continued her assault, striking over and over. Shining cringed with each impact, slowly moving to the back of his office. he looked back at the small square window near the back of his office and considered if he could fit. Damn, I could have fit through when I was a mare. Darn you toned flanks!
Shining Armor grunted from another blow to his waning defense.
At least I can see I’ve trained them to be loyal... to the Princesses.
At this point, striking back would have just made him look more guilty. Shining hoped that if he just held the defensive she would tire out eventually. That hope was fading as deep cracks started to form in his barrier.
(Twilight... In which Pinkie Pie gets carried away with screen time)
***
Shadow finished adjusting the ropes and tying his prisoner to the chair, before standing back to admire his hoofwork. The lighting in the room was brought down to a suitably dismal level with only a low table separating him from the meticulously bound pony. The single light over his shoulder focused on the suspect's face for maximum effect.
His bounty slowly awoke with a flutter of her eyelids. Shadow Wisp found it odd that Pinkie was staring straight at the bright light, barely blinking.
He cleared his throat, ready to begin. “Here’s how this is going to work—”
Pinkie waved a hoof in the air, an ear splitting smile taking up her face. “Wait, don’t tell me. This is like one of my favorite games!”
Shadow blinked a few times, only to find that Pinkie’s hoof was again tied behind the chair. “Really? You like being interrogated?” He asked while inspecting the knots behind his quarry. They seemed secure, but he added another binding for good measure.
Pinkie nodded vigorously. “You get to ask me questions and I get to be tied to a piece of furniture. What isn’t fun about that? I’ve interrogated one of my friends once, and Twilight has interrogated me before.” Pinkie smiled deviously. “You must really like me if you want to play one of my favorite games!”
“Right— I mean, no I don’t!”
She’s supposed to be afraid, intimidated, angry at the very least. She has to be doing this on purpose to psyche me out. He thought.
“Oh, so now you’re playing hard to get?” Pinkie smiled coyly. “I guess I’ll have to be difficult, then. I’ll never tell you anything. You can’t get me to talk, because you can’t handle the truth! As long as I live you will not break me for I am—”
“Shut up!” bellowed Shadow Wisp. “Just answer my questions!”
“But you didn’t ask any questions,” she replied. “How am I supposed to—”
“Shut up!” he bellowed again.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your dramatic moment,” Pinkie said.
“Don’t apologize! I’m interrogating you.”
“Sorry.”
Silence reigned for a moment. After some hard breathing in the confines of a dark corner of the room, Shadow Wisp leaned forward so only the tip of his muzzle was visible in the light of the desk lamp. “Now, who do you work for?”
Not batting an eye, Pinkie replied, “That’s easy! Pinkie Pie don’t work for nopony! When you enjoy what you do, it’s never work. I throw parties and make everypony smile!”
“I’m sure grins and balloons just rake in the bits, don’t they?” Shadow slammed his hooves on the table. “What’s your real job? You can’t expect me to believe you get paid for making smiles.”
“Sadly, no.” Pinkie sighed and blew a lock of her hair to the side of her brow. “My real job is working at a bakery. Sometimes I even babysit the twins for the Cakes. Mrs. Cake taught me how to bake and Mr. Cake taught me how to handle the store.” Pinkie Pie smiled broadly. “I got my food handler’s permit thanks to both of them.”
Luna help us, this girl is allowed to serve food! Shadow started pacing in front of his captive audience. His questions weren’t getting him anywhere other than tied knots of insanity.
This bakery job is obviously a cover for her work as Luna’s agent. It’s time to cut to the chase.
“If baking is your real profession, then what are you doing with this?!” Shadow flung an odd item onto the table, which slid to a halt just in front of Pinkie.
“Oh, hi Garry!” Pinkie waved her hoof in greeting.
“Who’s Garry?!” Shadow darted his head around the room to subdue this “Garry” character, whoever they may be. He also went to the back of the chair tightened Pinkie’s bonds once her foreleg was back behind the chair, added yet another layer of ropes, and pulled out a lighter to melt the ends together.
“Garry’s the best. He’s my night vision goggles,” Pinkie replied in a chipper tone. “You're not jealous of Garry, are you? He is the best, but he’s not a nice colt like you.”
There were no words. Shadow’s jaw just opened and closed silently. He could feel his mind and his mane unraveling by every passing moment.
She must have been trained by a master in anti-interrogation techniques!She just says these things, and then I feel like tearing my brain out! I have to finish this, and soon!
Shadow focused on the mild pain of pulling on his mane with his magic as he asked, “And what do you need night vision goggles for?”
“Duh, I need them to see in the dark!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “You’re not very good at this game, are you?”
“I know how they work you insane, little, pink— ugh!” Shadow successfully halted a fit of hyperventilation with a little breathing exercise. “What I want to know is why you have them!”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I told you already, silly. To see in the dark. Duh!” The baker giggled. “Are you sure you’ve played this game before? The anguished screaming in mindless rage is a good touch, though.”
There was an abrupt ripping sound, followed by a tuft of black hair falling to the floor. “Alright, you asked for this. It’s time for enhanced interrogation techniques!”
Pinkie frowned. “Is that like the enhanced quiet game? I’m not very good at that one and duck tape hurts when you pull it off your beak.”
***
Celestia had certainly been attempting to stick to a strict schedule as of late. Moving the sun in and of itself wasn’t that difficult. Not after a bit of practice and the use of raw alicorn magic. What did make things frustrating was the lack of concrete vectors or orbital paths within Celestia’s notes. Sure there was the bare minimum to keep things going, but that didn’t stop her from slipping in pieces of parchment between almost every page with suggestions. Celestia forbid anypony write in the margins, lest she actually make it against the law.
Not that anypony would have noticed that the sun had been rising and falling a few minutes away from an ideal 23 hours and 56 minutes. It wasn’t her fault that measuring the variance of a G2V type star could be thrown off by imperfections in her pinhole projector. Nor would they appreciate the difficulty in keeping the sun from listing a few planet widths from the acceptable range for this time of the month. Proper orbital inclination practically left her grinding her teeth.
No, nopony had a clue about such difficulties except The Princess of The Sun herself; specifically the one who was now inhabiting her body.
Today, was different. Today the sun crept over the horizon in the East, jerked violently North, then stopped largely off course.
Happiness was up by 3.6 percent across Equestria. Some of the nobles may have asked how Celestia quantified happiness into a percentage? That is, if they hadn’t already asked her last Tuesday. That, and the fact that they were terrified she would throw the sun at them again, which was a ridiculous notion. Had the sun actually gotten closer to the planet the land would have been on fire and the ponies would have been incinerated in a horrible fiery blaze. Last time she checked out her balcony window, nopony was screaming in unimaginable pain or showing signs of radiation induced combustion.
As for why ponies would be happier today? It turns out that witnessing (and more importantly surviving) potentially cataclysmic events is a great motivator for loved ones to get together. Complete strangers started kissing and hugging spontaneously, couples proposed to ponies in the street, and nobles promised to donate wide sums of money to charity if they could be spared. Well, one noble did. Then he went back to St. Hoover’s Hospital and begged for it back with no success.
Right now, Celestia was occupied by more pressing matters than giant out-of-control balls of destructive gas undergoing the proton cycle.
When she awoke, she found herself surrounded by dark robed figures, upon a cold stone slab, which was assuredly some sort of sacrificial pedestal. Every self respecting cultist temple had such installations. One of the aforementioned dark robed figures stepped forward and pulled its hood back to reveal a unicorn mare with a red and black mane. The diabolical mare lit her horn and she slowly levitated what would soon be the device of Darning Do’s undoing...
Really A.K. Yearling? Her un-do-ing?
Her Highness continued reading, although the incessant shuffles from the corners of the room were getting exceedingly hard to ignore. After each turn of the page, the scuffles were slowly cutting into her patience like a bad papercut. Not that Celestia had gotten a papercut since she was very small. After all, she wasn’t a reading ‘noob,’ as the fillies and colts say.
...Soon two long purple and white striped tubes of cloth floated towards Daring Do. From the color and intricate pattern, they were unmistakably knitted with the most vile intent imaginable. She tried kicking her hooves but they were quickly held down by the other cloaked ponies as the insidious devices grew closer, and closer...
Celestia looked away from the novelet, rolling her eyes. Wow, this one was a lot scarier when I was a filly.
She didn’t understand. What was the big deal with putting socks on ponies anyways? Even if they are mind controlling knee socks.
Twilight knew that there was no way any of Daring Do’s adventures were real, but this was just ridiculous. Daring Doo and the Tube Sock Cultists was always one of the weakest books in the series after all.
She would have preferred planning ways to stop General Double. That is, if she was allowed to do anything. They would only let her read fiction, not even the encyclopedia for pony’s sake! For the first time since this fiasco started, she was bored.
Twilight ignited her horn to skip to the part where Daring Do inevitably escapes and uses the tube socks to zipline back to the camp below the ruins. However, she couldn’t ignore the ponies in armor lighting their horns from across her chambers.
“Do you two have to do that every, single, time I use magic?” She glared harshly at a pony named Blind Watch then turned and rolled her eyes at Sun Singer. They both had the appearance of a regular Celestial Guard, but she knew their allegiance was not to her.
She recalled the cause of the sun’s detour that morning...
***
Celestia’s body spilled over the edge of her luxurious bed with an exhausted groan. It was time to get up and raise the sun... again. As she lay with her head against the cold stone she attempted to rally the motivation to get up. The only thing that made it worth lifting a hoof was basking in the sun’s power. Solar magic had replaced the warmth of the triple shot cup of joe she used to partake in every morning.
It didn't take long to learn that it took about ten cups of coffee to get even the slightest energy buzz from her new body. In order to prevent a huge shift in caffeine stocks and massive stomach aches, The Princess had given up coffee only a day after picking it up after more than one thousand years.
With the comforter blanket still tangled around her barrel, she reached out to the cosmos. She barely got a sip of solar power, before she was tackled to the floor by two metal clad buffoons.
It took a moment to cancel her hold upon the sun. She blinked at the scene outside then glared at the General’s two servants.
“What the hay where you two thinking?”
They didn’t budge. “We were ordered to stop you from casting any spells that could interfere with the General’s plans, then signal him as soon as possible.” Blind Watch recited his commands. “We sensed a large magical surge and wanted to be sure you weren't casting such a spell.”
Twilight facehoofed. “Of course there was a large magical surge. I needed to move the sun for Celestia’s sake!” If the two were embarrassed about almost ending life as they knew it, they were sure good at hiding it. The two seemed more interested about why The Princess had cursed them using her own name.
The door guards took this moment to burst in with weapons drawn. Claymore had his horn aglow and obsidian blade drawn. Morning Star clutched her spiked club in her blunt jaws.
“Your Highness! Has Nightmare Moon returned? What is happen..?” Sir Claymore turned away at the sight of the two guards laying atop his Princess, still tangled in her royal bedsheets.
Morning Star barely suppressed a giggle. “We’ll just be going, Your Highness. It’s not really my business, but maybe you could finish moving the sun first before snuggle time— ow?!” Morning Star recoiled from a kick to the shoulder by her fellow door guard.
“What are you inferring?” Twilight’s cheeks reddened as she jumped to her hooves. The pair of guards were launched off her back. “Oh no! That’s not what—”
I could just say they attacked and betrayed me, which they kinda did? Twilight thought as she absentmindedly remade the bed with surgical precision.
Twilight had half a mind to rat out the two traitors, but the General might make good with his threat and hurt her little ponies. She had to think of something else. Something convincing, while also clever, that would keep things under wraps and save her royal dignity.
“They just tripped and fell on me while I was raising the sun.” Twilight saw that the guard was about to question her impeccable logic. “Yes, they both tripped and fell on me unawares. Isn’t that right you two?” Stupid, stupid, stupid. Most of her other split second decisions usually went so well. “You two go take the rest of the day off.”
Morning Star eyed the two unicorns on the floor. Both noded in agreement. “Riiight— oof! I mean, of course Your Highness.” With that, Morning Star and Claymore headed for the doors.
“Star, why do you keep looking at me like that?”
Morning Star sidled up closer to her partner and whispered, “You just look so heroic with your big sword. It’s hawt— ow! What did I say?!” With that, the doors closed and the two sentries were left to their own devices.
“As for you two!” Twilight levitated Blind Watch and Sun Singer over to face her. The two stood before her like statues, unable to fight her mental might. They couldn’t even move their jaws to speak out.
Twilight paced back and forth in front of the petrified ponies. “Now, I know you two have been checking in with the honorable General every ten minutes so I will make this brief.”
Celestia’s student had never felt such a fire inside before. A burning passion to protect the innocent that felt instinctual. She glared down at the two traitors, utilizing her intimidating height.
“I have no intention of risking anypony’s life. As such, I also have no intention of breaking my little agreement with the dear General.” The two ponies suddenly found their heads freed from her spell.
Before either of her captives could speak she cut in, “Now, how exactly does jumping on me every time I cast a spell help?”
Sadly the two seemed less intimidated than she had hoped, or perhaps they couldn’t shake in fear due to her spell. They knew Celestia was no pacifist, but she wouldn’t dare touch them.
The unicorn mare Sun Singer spoke first. “Well, neither of us know any counter spells and breaking a mage’s concentration usually works..”
The Princess’ mood seemed to lighten all of the sudden. “That’s understandable. Few unicorns can read spell weave as spells are being cast, let alone disrupt the channels before it could be released all in real time. It takes years of study to understand even the basics.”
Her scare tactics hadn’t frightened them before, but the sparkling gleam in Celestia's eyes made them shudder. That earsplitting smile, her giddy hopping, and swishing tail, all seemed off putting.
“Lucky for you, I’m the perfect pony to teach you a lesson!”
Perhaps Celestia really would dispose of them and her little speech was just a mind game.
It’s not like teaching them is against their orders. “Even if I have to make them learn,” The Princess said aloud, tapping her chin in thought. “We’ll start with how magic relates to basic quantum mechanics and wave functions...” Twilights words were lost on the two guards as their imaginations got the better of them.
They recalled a rumor of Celestia sending a criminal’s ears to a dimension where some unknown creatures stroked them for all eternity. The incessant scratching and petting would never end. While you eat, while you trot to work, while you lay awake at night regretting life, ten alien appendages would descend upon the sensitive tips of your ears and you couldn't do anything to stop it.
And that was just for calling her fat. What would she do to ponies who betrayed her rule?
“Are you two paying attention? There will be a quiz if you two can’t pay attention!”
They had been so stunned they hadn’t noticed they were free to move.
***
Meanwhile, the interrogation was still in progress...
Twenty minutes had passed and Shadow Wisp still had no idea what was going on with this mare. Belladonna was convinced he had gotten the truth spell wrong. That is until she asked some control questions of her own before stepping back outside the room to observe. They asked where Pinkie had gotten the goggles, but she just kept smiling and spewing nonsense.
“So after I finished checking on my emergency eye patch stashes around town— ‘stashes.’ Isn’t that a funny word? Anyway, it was time to work on adding two more sets of pedal cranks to my candy-copter. I promised the Cutie Mark Crusaders I would help them become rescue heroes and they needed my candy-copter for their sky patrols.”
Belladonna and Shadow Wisp didn’t bother asking who the CMC were, considering they had already heard plenty about them from Pinkie’s previous streams of consciousness. They also had to accept the existence of some sort of magic sense that manifested as twitches and itches that bordered on advanced precognition.
“I was just about done shortening the pedal cranks for the fillies when my Pinkie Sense told me that I had mail. So I stashed the copter and that’s when I won the Ponyville lottery, which is only like 100 bits. I donated the bits to Ponyville General, because I felt partially responsible for poisoning all those ponies with bad cupcakes. I finished the day with adding a thousand more balloons to my secret balloon animal army and went to sleep.”
The room fell silent and Pinkie Pie just continued to smile at her captor. Everything she said had to be true while under the influence of the truth spell. Somehow that didn’t seem consoling to Shadow Wisp, especially whenever she insinuated a growing relationship between them. Was it Stockcolts Syndrome or was she really interested? And in what?
Something clicked in the mare’s manic memory and Pinkie continued. “Oh, yeah. You wanted to know about Garry! I got him in the mail with this letter.”
“What letter?” Shadow asked.
“It’s in my mane, but my legs are kinda tied up at the moment.” There was that innocent smile again.
When his foreleg disappeared up to his shoulder before he extracted a mysterious letter from her pink curls, he didn't question it. Somewhere along the line he stopped caring and just went with the crazy.
His co-worker however was having a tough time dealing. He faintly heard Belladonna yelling expletives from behind the one way glass every time Pinkie broke the world, which was all the time.
The letter read...
Dear Miss Pie
We noticed you have are a very particular set of skills. Skills you have acquired without any understanding whatsoever. If you throw this letter away now, that will be the end of it - I will not look for you, I will not pursue you... but if you sign and return it to your mailbox, I will send you more objects that require special attention.
Just submit your thoughts on these objects after a one month period and they are yours. The first object is enclosed in this package.
Sincerly,
L.S.D.
“I assume by ‘particular set of skills’ they mean my party planning skills. I don’t know why they had to be all cryptic about it, or what that has to do with random doohickies? But hey, free stuff is free stuff! Am I right or am I right?!” Pinkie didn’t notice Shadow was barely listening by this point.
He knew what the L.S.D. was; he just didn’t get what L.S.D. had to do with this mare. Why would Luna’s Spy Division send this crazy mare gadgets to test out?
“I have been asking everypony around Ponyville where I can find L.S.D., but nopony can give me an answer.” Pinkie continued in the background.
What this did tell him is that Pinkie Pie probably had no clue about what was going on either. That or she was some sort of unknowing secret agent that L.S.D. was using to their advantage. He fantasized that Pinkie Pie was being used as a test base for new spy gadgets as she inadvertently destroyed villain’s plans with her insanity. She could be the best agent ever. She would never break in interrogation, because she wasn’t even aware she was a spy.
Shadow Wisp considered the latter as complete nonsense. But so far Pinkie has been complete nonsense so maybe... Whatever the truth was, he found himself attracted to something about this mystery. Perhaps it wasn’t something, but somepony?
Belladonna beckoned him from the cracked doorway. Her dark blue muzzle promptly pulled back through the door frame.
He joined her in the hall outside the door. Her wings fidgeted in obvious irritation. “I just got a message up the grapevine. The butterfly is in the net. We have orders to release the barrel of laughs. What should we do?”
“Just let her go,” he said, surprising himself a little.
“What?” Belladonna motioned a wing towards Pinkie’s direction. “She knows too much!”
Shadow snorted. “As far as I can tell she doesn’t know anything.” He smiled for the first time that day. Or maybe she knows more than all of us?
He thought he might be starting to understand Pinkie now. It didn’t matter if she was or wasn't something, she was just excited to be along for the ride, or something? Okay maybe he didn’t get it, but she sure was happy regardless. If only I could be that happy all the time?
“You caaan!” came a sing-song voice from the interrogation room.
Belladonna sighed. “What is she talking about now?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just let her go and I’ll go report in. Nopony would believe what she had to say anyway.”
“They never dooo!” Pinkie sang out. Her voice was largely muffled by the door.
“Can she hear us out here?” The pegasus asked.
“What are you two talking about out there? I can’t hear you through this door! I’m BORED! Enhanced interrogation isn’t very fun!”
Belladonna went to release the prisoner. She would be sporting an ugly forehead bruise by that evening. Luckily her helmet and dark blue coat would help to hide it while she worked her rounds.
Shadow Wisp left to report that Pinkie Pie had no useful information on Luna’s allegiance and was to be left alone during further operations if possible. He also made a stop to buy a new outfit for the big party, and perhaps an “I’m sorry for giving you a crappy interrogation” gift.
***
For the past thirty minutes they had been sitting in one of the smaller dining halls reserved for less important engagements. That’s not to say the room wasn’t fancy. It still had gold and white festoon nets around the arching window frames and walls to match Celestia's sun and ivory coat. The room’s twin had similar drapings, but were colored to match Luna and her night. A hard maple table, built by woodworker long dead by now, stood in the center of the carpeted floor. There was no tablecloth draped over it, considering the embroidered silk was reserved for actual meals.
Bright Herald leaned over in her chair and whispered to the serving mare beside her. They sat listening to the especially energetic earth pony across the room. The trio had a party to plan and a lot of lost time to make up for. Pinkie Pie had really kicked things into high gear.
“Porcelain Pot, this mare is crazy!” she hissed.
“She’s not crazy. She’s just...” Porcelain Pot trailed off for a moment.
On the other side of the dining hall table, Pinkie Pie continued to scratch away on a large slate with multi colored chalk. “... the castle would collapse in a fiery rubble! And that's what would happen at the party if there isn’t enough punch for everypony.”
The chalk board now had a fiery collapsed castle drawn on it, complete with what might have been a flaming pony jumping out of one of the towers. Pinkie seemed miffed that she had used all the white chalk to draw the castle. This meant she had to use pink for Celestia. Celestia obviously isn’t pink!
“...free spirited.” Porcelain Pot finished quietly. “Just listen, we might learn something.”
Bright Herald gave a bemused expression. “Do you even remember how we found her..?”
Porcelain Pot’s eyes glazed over. “Yeah, I wish I could have been in that food fight. It must have been epic.”
“You would know. You had to help clean it up.”
“Hey, I can appreciate a good mess. What Pinkie Pie did was art!”
Bright Harald crossed her forelegs and snorted. “You two were made for each other. Who knows what she was doing between that fight and when we found her playing creepy organ music in the concert hall.”
“Shhh, she’s covering dance moves next. I’ve never seen wubstep dancing before.”
“I rest my case,” the Court Announcer whispered to herself.
Both ponies noticed a lack of incessant, energetic, musings and looked around the room. Pinkie Pie was certainly gone, but there was a note left on the chalkboard.
Sorry to skedaddle all of the sudden, but I had to go save The Princess from herself and somepony is gonna be under assault soon.
No, I’m not committing the assault.
Be back tonight to finish planning.
Pinkie Pie
***
Today was the meeting day for inter city affairs. It was a gathering where every stuck up pony thought that their issues were the most important in all Equestria, when in reality they were anything but. That is at least what Twilight was starting to think about the meetings.
The smaller council room she was in lacked windows of any size and only had one entrance. Two levels of bleacher-like seating faced the center floor where The Princess could discuss business with whomever took a seat at the round table.
Twilight was much less comfortable here than attending meetings in the Main Council Chamber, because of all the eyes from above bearing down on her. Unfortunately the main chamber was still in bad shape from Twilight’s “bout” with the Major General.
Seated around the table were ponies with varying importance to the city and the castle. These included the fiscal advisor Fancy Pants, General Double Edge, a half dozen noble ponies she didn’t recognize, and a white unicorn stallion with a shiny blond mane.
This unicorn was the last on her meeting list. Unfortunately, it was her nephew. Even having a body related to this jerk made her uncomfortable. For the past fifteen minutes she had been arguing with Prince Blueblood.
“For the last time’ I’m not authorizing the addition of a seventh wing to your monstrous house,” she said for the dozenth time. “One more wing and I swear your house would take flight!”
“I paid for the demolition and construction, and you won’t sign off on the project? This is a scandal!” Blueblood proclaimed.
He noticed Celestia take a deep breath. She suddenly relaxed and started to stare off to the side. “Are you actually considering my request?”
The Princess never heard him. If only I had a bit for every snooty rich pony that said ‘This is a scandal,’ then I could throw the giant bag of bits off of the tallest tower and the fair prince and all the other stuck up rich ponies would chase it off the edge like a pack of lemmings... Wait, lemmings have not been scientifically proven to run off cliffs...
Blueblood noticed Celestia refocus her attention on him. He waited with anticipation as the fair Princess opened her mouth to speak. “You do realize that—”
“Pssssst... Twilight.”
Blueblood took a deep breath to keep his composure, despite the fact that he was being ignored.
The alicorn snapped her head around, as if looking for something. Little did Blueblood know that the last time Celestia had heard voices, she ended up tumbling through a dimensional gate, into an alien sky, and getting pummeled by a giant metal bird.
“Pssssst... Down here.”
Celestia’s head gazed downward at something unseen. “What do you want?”
“How could she just forget?” Blueblood growled quietly to himself. “I should have taken this to the Night Court. Auntie Luna can’t possibly be this absent minded.” With an arrogant snort, Blueblood pointed a hoof at his blueprints once more. “I want permission and a draft from the treasury to begin construction—"
“No, not you, I mean the pony under... excuse me for a moment.” Celestia dipped her head under the table, ignoring the ponies in the stands who whispered and looked at one and other.
Twilight looked worriedly at her friend sitting under the table. “Pinkie Pie, what are you doing in here? You could get arrested.” Twilight shook her head. “Nevermind Pinkie, just make it quick.”
Pinkie Pie opened and closed her mouth a few times, preparing to blurt out what she wanted. Twilight’s smile tightened every moment she had to wait.
“I need a ton of balloons, like literally a ton, a mile of streamers, forty crates of flour, sixty crates of sugar, an inflatable banana raft, some airships, twenty carriages—”
“You want airships?!” Celestia exclaimed, before pulling her head up and catching the tip of her horn on the table. She rubbed the sore spot noticing a confused and irritated look on Blueblood’s face.
“How typical, trying to distract me as usual. Are you trying to bribe me? You know what, I do want airships, along with your signature and apology for not allowing this very important construction.”
“How is building a seventh wing to your gigantic house very important? Your building site goes right over the History of Astronomy Museum!” This was more than enough Blueblood for one day, or even a week. Her patience was becoming as thin as the air near the peak of Canterlot Mountain.
“Who cares about some ancient old junk? Somepony can just move that rubbish somewhere else,” Blueblood said, dismissing The Princess’s words with a hoof.
“Oh, now you dun goofed!”
The prince looked around as he could swear he’d heard somepony say something.
Blueblood looked questioningly at Twilight. “Did you hear—”
“Who cares? WHO CARES?!” Celestia braced her front hooves on the table and glared at her ungrateful nephew. “That building happens to be my student’s favorite museum! The historical significance of the ‘junk,’ as you call it, outweighs your right to expand your mansion!”
Blueblood’s ears un-pinned from his head, and he moved a loose lock of his mane back in place. He inhaled to give his aunt an earful she would surely regret.
“I already said that dusty old clutter can be moved! I didn’t want to point this out earlier auntie, but I am within legal rights to this construction. Your objections so far appear to be nothing more than personal. If you deny me your signature then I dare call it an abuse of your power.”
There was an audible gasp from the witnesses and attendees. The Major General nodded his head in agreement. Celestia remained speechless in her seat.
“Well auntie, what do you have to say for yourself?” Blueblood finally lowered his nose from the air and opened his eyes. Instead of a star struck Princess, he noticed Celestia squirming in her chair with a distracted look on her mug.
She could no longer ignore the thing tugging on her back hooves. “Just a minute... one of the table legs seems wobbly,” she said pulling her chair back to make room for herself. “Just sit tight for a moment.”
The Princess disappeared under the council chamber once again, with only her flowing tail and a bit of her cutie mark sticking out out from underneath. The crowd was unable to witness what was surely the most amazing table repairing magic anypony had ever seen.
“What do you need all that stuff for?” Twilight asked as soon as she came face to face with Pinkie Pie.
“I need all that stuff for the big party, but Twilight, don’t you want to go organize some—?”
The alicorn shoved a hoof in Pinkie’s mouth and her eyes darted left and right. “Don’t call me that. I’m Princess Celestia.”
Why does everypony always shove hooves in my mouth? At least now I know what Celestias hooves taste like. Dashie’s hooves taste better though... Pinkie Pie broke free. “—Okay but don’t you want to read a book about—”
Twilight formed a zipper over the earth pony’s mouth. “No, I don’t care about reading! I have a lot of serious problems right now, Pinkie.”
Don’t care to read?! This is getting worse than I thought. Oh, that other thing is important, too! Pinkie unzipped her mouth. “You’re the one with a serious problem. I mean more than what you said. I think somepony might be after the Ele—”
“Pinkie Pie!” She whispered forcefully while reengaging the zipper. Twilight sighed, lighting up her horn. A piece of paper flouted from the tabletop and down to the floor between her and Pinkie. She quickly scribbled out a note and signed it at the bottom.
She scooted the paper closer to the party mare. “This will get you anything you need for the party, anything at all.” Finally, the zipper-lip spell disappeared.
Pinkie Pie grabbed the paper and put it in her mane. “Thanks a bundle, but you need to freak out and be neurotic like usual or else something bad might happen!”
Twilight seemed to be completely ignoring her at this point. “I’m very busy, so unless you have something I can tell Blueblood, then you need to go.” Twilight started to back out from under the table.
Pinkie Pie tensed up, resisting the urge to blurt out what Twilight needed to hear. She grabbed Twilight’s gold clad hoof. “Just tell him you’ll sign it at tomorrow’s meeting and take these cupcakes. By tomorrow the building itself will be old enough to declared a historical landmark.” Pinkie wasn’t smiling or frowning as she let go of the Sun Princess.
Twilight looked off to the side, considering the idea. “How did you know how old...” She trailed off as she noticed Pinkie had vanished.Well, that was typical... I think.
Celestia emerged from below the table to take her seat.
Prince Blueblood wasted no time to speak his mind. “I, amongst others, are petitioning against the crown—”
The Princess held up a hoof while she finished a bite of cupcake. I understand the building, but what do cupcakes have to do with Blueblood? He looks just as confused about these as I would be, if I hadn't known Pinkie already.
Blueblood’s face changed from one of rage to perplexity. “...Where did you get those cupcakes?”
Celesta chewed it slowly, savoring the taste. The Princess rolled her eyes like it was the most delicious cupcake ever, which it was, since it had been a while since her last Pinkie treat. Oh, Celestia why are sweets soo good in this body?
“What, these? That isn’t important,” she said, unwrapping another pastry and taking a bite.
“But you were just under the table and suddenly...” The unicorn briefly looked under the table himself. “Cupcakes don’t just appear out of thin air! I demand an explanation!”
“I thought ponies of your stature didn’t care for carnival fare like this?” she said, before licking her lips free of pink frosting and grabbing another pastry in her magic.
“No, I... They just...” Suddenly he pointed a hoof right at The Princess; a gesture that would be considered rude even if he weren’t family. “I see what you’re up to! I won’t fall for this distraction.”
So this was Pinkie’s game. “What distraction? Oh, you mean these?” She rotated the treats in her magic, letting the afternoon sunlight reflect off of the sparkly icing. “You can’t have any,” Celestia said flatly.
“I don’t want any of your crummy cupcakes. I just want you to sign—”
“These are not crummy. They’re the most moist, supple, and delectable cupcakes in the land; created by the most dedicated pastry chef in Equestria.” Again, everything she said was mostly true. “I was going to sign your papers, but after you insulted these fine treats...”
Blueblood’s ears folded back as he panicked. “Wait, you were going to sign? I am ever so sorry, your Highness. I didn’t mean to insult your fine cuisine. I’m sure the petition would have failed anyway.”
What a pushover. “Hmmm, maybe I can accept your apology." Celestia looked to each of her hooves as if weighing the pros and cons. "I’ll sign your papers... tomorrow morning. For now, I’m going to enjoy these in my chambers.” The alicorn pushed her chair in and started toward the exit. She heard her nephew speak in a more polite tone.
“Auntie, may I have one of those exquisite desserts?”
Twilight looked back at the snooty prince with the most sincere look of consideration she could muster without breaking out in laughter. “Hmmm, no,” she said as she strode out of the room towards her chambers with her nose held high.
The two guards that had been tailing her all week were back as soon as she made her way towards her chamber. Blind Watch and Sun Singer weren’t the best conversationalists, but the latter was definitely catching on in her nullification magic lessons. If Sun Singer wasn’t working for her enemy it might have been more rewarding.
Blind Watch was a thug however. Not only was he reluctant to do as she instructed, he was bent on putting her in her place, whatever that may be in this case?
What does the General expect me to do between here and my room, and why are deserts sooo good lately? Twilight Sparkle suddenly stopped chewing her confectionery. She frowned realizing she never thanked Pinkie Pie for the cupcakes.
Was I being mean to Pinkie Pie? What was she trying to tell me before?
***
How could he do this to us... to The Princesses?
“Star, you’re acting crazy. Just listen to me!”
Morning Star continued her relentless assault on Shining Armor’s barrier, tuning out his lies and cries to stop. She would never have suspected the Captain of all ponies to betray the kingdom, but he had said it himself. Shining Armor knew the coup was coming.
A few minutes ago, she was actually worried about him. Now she found herself smashing her way through his shield magic just to pound him into submission.
She would have considered this pony an imposter, seeing as she was winning solely by brute force. The times she had spent sparing against that Captain had always taught her one thing. Once he got his shield up there was no offense to his defense.
As fissures formed across Shining’s shield, she considered how much harder this would have been if Luna hadn’t enchanted her weapon minutes before. The strength and cold runes in the shaft of her club glowed faint blue with every strike.
The pegasus pulled back for what would surely be the final blow to Captain Armor’s wavering defenses. However, her entire view was suddenly consumed by a pink blur and two happy energetic eyes.
“Whatcha doin?” An intensely pink pony had popped out of nowhere. Luckily Morning Star was able to pull back at the last second, before pasting this crazy pony across the magenta barrier separating her from the traitor.
She looked to Shining, forgetting her anger in favor of befuddlement. Her Captain looked just as surprised as she was.
She nudged the new pony aside. “Get away from him! This traitor is planning a coup on The Princesses. Who are you anyway?”
“The name’s Pinkie Pie! Shining is planning a coo?” Pinkie scratched her chin while looking off to the side. “What a funny word. Coo coo ka choo. Oooh is Shiny planning to write a nice haiku for Cadence? I wanna help! I’m really good at poems! You still didn’t answer my question about what you ponies were doing, though. Where you having a weapon party, cuz I’ve got this great battleaxe and—”
Pinkie turned away for a moment, only to turn back with a large double edged axe grasped in her impossibly wide smile. “Where the hay did you get that?” both Shining and Morning Star asked in unison. Lieutenant Star’s attention snapped back to where Shining was, only to find that her weapon was being wrenched from her mouth.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Shining said, now holding the morning star in his mouth and Pinkie’s axe in his magic. “Lieutenant Star, before you try and hit your boss again, Celestia already knows there is some sort of plot on the kingdom.”
“What kind of plot? I didn't see anything like that when I was outside,” Pinkie Pie said with a confused look. “Is it invisible?!” She gasped.
“How the? What? I don’t even.” Morning Star was running through multiple expressions and holding her head. The mare tried to ignore the pink wonder and switched back to Shining Armor.
“Captain, why did you tell me now? What are you planning to do about it?” Despite being outmatched, Morning Star moved closer to her captain and gave him a critical stare.
Pinkie bounced up with a short scroll of paper in her mouth. “Ooh ooh, I know! You're on his special list of ponies! Maybe he wants you to be his special somepony!”
Shining couldn’t stop himself from blushing. If he hadn’t been looking away, he would have caught the rosy cheeks on his lieutenant.
“I would never date Captain Armor!” She said a bit hastily. “I mean, it’s not like he’s unattractive or anything. He’s strong, has a nice coat, he’s got powerful magic and a big... horn—” She coughed into a hoof. “It wouldn’t be professional.”
“Yes, she’s just one of my guards. I’m not attracted to her at all.” Shining laughed awkwardly.
“Are you calling me unattractive?” Star huffed.
Shining’s ears splayed back and twitched as he chuckled. “Of course not. You have many desirable traits.”
“Uh huh. I’m so convinced.” Star rolled her eyes.
“You have... beautiful primaries, just like Cadence. Only shorter.” She continued to stare angrily at Shining. “What do you want from me, girl?!”
Morning Star just smiled. “Nothing, I was just messing around.”
It was Shining’s turn to glare. “You come into my office, accuse me of treason, destroy my desk, assault me, and you think you can joke with me?”
Morning Star caved immediately.“Okay, okay, just don’t fire me.”
“Ff-fire you!? I’m charging you with aggravated assault and destruction of private property, as well as use of an unregistered magical weapon... on me!”
Morning Star sputtered for words, spewing strings of apologies and excuses— mostly excuses. “I thought you were plotting— I had to— you could have— I was going to your office to register my weapon. Luna just imbued it outside, like three minutes ago. I’m so sorry! I’m an idiot. An impulsive, stupid idiot, and I’ll do anything to keep my job!”
Finally, when she was prone on the ground begging for forgiveness, Shining Armor burst out laughing.
“I won’t fire you. But seriously, you owe me big time. Starting with a rematch tomorrow.”
Pinkie studied the two further. “Are you sure you're not interested in each other? She’s first on this list, and you fight like a couple.” Her blue eyes seemed to be staring into the pair’s inner being, unblinking and unrelenting.
“We’re sure.” Both guards ponies felt inclined to nod their heads in response to Pinkie’s critical stare.
The palpable silence was finally broken by Shining forcing a cough. “Pinkie Pie, in what land do couples charge each other with deadly weapons?” Shining mentally face hoofed. Oh wait, that happened in my relationship.
Pinkie Pie relaxed and smiled. “Good, ‘cus Cadence might go crazy again and Claymore would be all saddy waddy.” Pinkie held up the list again, pacing about the room. “So if this isn’t a list of crushes, which wouldn't make sense with all the handsome stallions on here, then it must be a secret list for a special tasks group that Shiny plans on using to stop the big apparently invisible butt that’s on Canterlot!”
“That actually isn’t that far off, except the plot is a coup, not a big... yeah,” Shining said, sounding less surprised by Pinkie’s deductive skill than he should have.
Morning Star was cradling her head again with her ears folded back. “What did this mare have an axe for? How did she even get in here? What is happening!?”
“Just let it go, lieutenant.” Shining pulled a file from a shelf, along with a stool to rest it on. His desk obviously unusable. “You may want to read the first page in that report.”
Morning Star flipped the cover of the folder that had been stamped with multiple classifications like ‘Top Secret,’ ‘Caution,’ ‘Do Not Distribute.’
‘Most materials in this folder have been collected by Her Highness’ top student, Twilight Sparkle. This file contains what little we know about the Element of Laughter’s special abilities. If this happens to be your first exposureto the subject, please read the following before engaging the earth pony, Pinkie Pie. Be prepared for a personal party thrown in your honor (no this is not a joke, and no, you can not avoid it).’
Inside was a list of rules, which she started to read aloud.
“First rule of Pinkie Pie: Do not talk or think rationally about Pinkie Pie. (Observations and questions may be recorded, but leave conclusions to qualified agents and scientists).”
Shining Armor grunted. “That should be good enough, Lieutenant. Now let me explain the situation.”
“But sir, what about this... civilian?”
“Pinkie Pie is one of my sister’s friends, and a hero to Equestria. Besides, read rule number thirty-six.”
Morning Star hoofed through the extensive list until she found the target item. “Rule thirty-six: Nothing is secret from Pinkie Pie.”
***
With things calmed down considerably, the three ponies got down to business. Shining had a new desk delivered to his office and cleaning up the mess was quick business with his magical ability. Celestia had hooked him up with her personal desk supplier considering the large number of desk mortalities that happened with higher up positions of Canterlot.
He would miss all the good times with his old desk. All the disgruntled stabbings with a letter opener, the face desk moments with all the painful horn dents, the drool stains from long night shifts.
Shining reveled in the ability to use magic to clean everything. It would have taken him all day without it. As he tidied up, he filled in his company on what he knew.
“So Luna enchanted your morning star before you came in here. That explains why I couldn’t grab it with my magic, how you nearly broke my shield, and how you obliterated my desk!” Shining said as he filed away a stack of papers in his new desk.
Morning Star recoiled in embarrassment.
“Oh, so that’s what a coup means,” Pinkie blurted out. She put down the book on military terms and fluttered her eyes at Shining. “Can I have my axe back? I need it to cut the cake at the party tomorrow.”
“Why don’t you just use a knife?” Morning Star asked Pinkie Pie. “Is that breaking rule number one? Oh, who cares, I was first on the Captain’s list!”
Shining laughed. “Just because you’re the first on the list, does not make you the best for the job. You just happen to be the least likely to succeed in secretly betraying me.”
“You just had to ruin my one moment didn’t you?” Star whined.
“For you, yes.”
Meanwhile Pinkie was still answering the original question. “... SO because ONE cupcake had a knife in it the kitchen staff wouldn't let me have knives anymore. Then I was all, how am I supposed to cut cake? Since nopony would give me a knife and swords are so much like knives I couldn’t use them either. And clubby weapons, not like bar stools, but like Star’s spiky club here would smash the cake, so then I thought an axe would be great. So I went to the armory and bought a double edged axe, cus two blades are like way better than one—”
“Wait, Black Forge just let you buy a battleaxe?” I’ll have to give that old codger a firm talking to.
“Well, Twilestia gave me this little paper. Anytime I need something for the party I just show it to somepony and they give me stuff.”
Star looked over at Shining. “Doesn’t she mean Celestia?”
“I haven’t the faintest idea,” he lied. “Miss Pie, may I see this paper?”
“Only if you give me my cake cutting ax back.” Pinkie Said as she fluttered her eyelashes adorably.
He hesitated for a moment. Should I be giving a young energetic mare a battle axe? “Fine, just... be careful.” It’s not like she isn’t already certified.
Pinkie pulled the document from her mane and hoofed it over, while Shining Armor gave back the medieval weapon.
Shining and Morning Star’s eyes bulged as the two scanned over the document signed by her highness. “HOW DID YOU GET THIS!” They yelled in unison.
“You don’t have to yell. I’ll tell you in the flashback.”
“In the flashback? What in Tartarus are—”
“What is rule number one, Lieutenant,“ the stallion said before Morning Star could ask.
“Don’t talk or think rationally about Pinkie Pie,” she recited.
***
Today was the meeting day for inter city affairs. It was a gathering where every stuck up pony thought that their issues were the most important in all Equestria, when in reality they were anything but. That is at least what Twilight was starting to think about the meetings...
***
In twenty minutes or so, Pinkie Pie and the two guards ponies were caught up and mildly confused.
Shining Armor leaned back in his chair. “I find it hard to believe The Princess would just give you the equivalent of a blank check written on the nation of Equestria for whatever you want.”
“How did you know what Celestia said after you had already left? Why did you call her Twilight... never mind, rule number one and what not,” remarked Morning Star.
“There are bigger problems than third person omniscience here.” Pinkie was trying desperately to mouth words to Shining.
Her efforts failed. “Right, the coup!” both guards exclaimed.
“No, what I have to say is more important than that, maybe even more important than this upcoming party!”
“I’m starting to think you really love parties,” Morning Star deadpanned.
“Well, duh-uuuuh!” Pinkie giggled with her usual snort at the end.
Shining eyed his lieutenant. “You have no idea. Now Pinkie, what is so important that I find you in my office today?”
“It’s kind of private.” Pinkie skipped up beside the Captain, nudging Shining in the side. “You know, family issues.”
“Oh, OH!” Shining gestured for Star to leave them for a moment. Reluctantly she got up from her stool. When the door closed he looked to Pinkie. “Before you tell me what’s wrong, I wanted to know how Celestia is doing in Ponyville?”
“Oh, besides the massive amounts of property damage from the dragons and a little bit from Celestia herself, the time travelling fillies, and magical constructs, she’s doing fine. That is, thanks to my expert counseling!”
“I heard about the dragon attack. It’s good to hear she could handle things on her own out there.” Shining’s ears twitched uncomfortably. “Wait a minute! Did you say time travelling fillies, and what was that about counseling Celestia?”
Pinkie shook her head wildly from side to side. “But that’s not important right now. Twilight never said hello or goodbye or thank you for the cupcakes I gave her.” Pinkie dug at the floorboards as she sulked.
He had seen sad mares before, but seeing Pinkie like this just seemed to suck every bit of life and color from the room. “I’m sure she was just busy with her duties. You were interrupting an important meeting after all.”
“You don’t understand. It was a test and Twilight failed. I was able to help Celestia, but I don’t know if this party can help Twilight anymore.”
I have no idea what she’s talking about, but if Twilight failed something I better not tell her without my shield and a noise cancellation spell up. “You’re one of her best friends. I’m sure she will love your party.” That’s it! The party!
Shining noticed Pinkies lips stop quivering and her big eyes stopped watering. “You, you really think so?” Pinkie Pie wrapped Shining in a bone crushing hug, causing him to yelp in pain.
Morning Star burst through the door. “Sir! Are you... all right? The pegasus cocked her head. “So I understand the flirting with Celestia, but Pinkie Pie? Seriously?”
“Here’s a box for your things, Star. I expect you to be off the premises by 6:30.”
“Shutting up now,” She said with a zipping lip motion.
Pinkie finally let go and Shining focused his attention on his guard. “But seriously, thank you for volunteering for my new plan, Lieutenant.”
The mare started backpedaling until she hit the door and realized she was locked in once again. Shining’s plans usually involved lots of pain and cleanup duty. “Si— Sir, you’re scaring me. I haven't seen that smile since just before you got revenge on Flash Sentry for that Hearth’s Warming Eve prank.” I should really see these things coming.
“You’re scared? Good. Because what we are about to do may be the most spectacularly brilliant or incredibly stupid plan ever, and we’ll need Pinkie Pie and her blank check to do it.“ Shining laid a foreleg over Pinkie’s back and smiled wide.
“Just spear me now or send me back to Door Guard Duty,” Morning Star groaned while smacking her forehead with a hoof.
Late that night, the party planning meeting resumed in the reserve dining hall.
Pinkie Pie was outlining the pros and cons of muffins versus cupcakes. She still seemed oblivious to her audience's side conversations.
“What are you, five? Miss Pot do you really believe she wasn't just making that spy thing up?” The court announcer pointed at Pinkie, who was currently sniffing one of the party banners, and then gave it a quick lick. “Besides they’re called orderves.”
“Whatever!” She threw her hooves up. “The Element of Laughter is bound to be a freethinker, right?” The serving mare offered. Miss Pot noticed Pinkie had changed topics, but continued to whisper quietly. “I mean, a few days ago, Celestia was impersonated by a vampiric-bug pony that can supposedly steal emotion. Don’t you think spies actually seem a bit too normal?”
“I’m not asking you anything. Not ever.”
The party mare was still jabbering away. “...and that’s why we should throw two parties at once! One for the snooty rich...” Pinkie coughed“ ...I mean upper crust ponies, and one for the ponies that really want to rock!” Pinkie finished with some air guitar before fixing her audience with narrowed eyes.
“Are you two paying attention? It’s important to know why you shouldn't use a canoe paddle for pinatas.” She had her hooves on her hips.
“Security is way too good to let a spy into the castle,” Bright Herald said haughtily, oblivious to Pinkie Pie’s indignation.
Pinkie Pie just continued to hold her hooves on her hips and stared at the pair expectantly.
“And yet, Miss Pie got into the kitchen without any of the guards noticing before we found her?” Porcelain Pot said, raising her voice to a loud whisper.
“Are you two talking about muwa?” Both unicorns nearly jumped out of their chairs as Pinkie Pie appeared between them. When no answer came, she put a hoof to the side of her muzzle and whispered. “Well if we're gonna talk about ponies behind their back, have you noticed anything strange, unusual, or out of character for Princess Celestia?”
Bright Herald stiffened. Her expression seemed unnaturally neutral as she spoke. “As servants of The Princess, you can’t expect us to slander The Princess behind her back. Even if we did have something to share, it would be nothing but the utmost confidence and respect for her Highness.”
It was a well-rehearsed speech, but if Applejack were there she would have sooner eaten her hat than to believe it. Pinkie just turned to the blue-grey serving mare.
Porcelain Pot cocked her head to the side and scratched her chin. “Well, she seems to be more productive with work lately. ” She noticed Bright Herald’s sharp glare after the betrayal, but continued anyway. “There was that time I thought she might turn me into a pastry when her cloud cake shipment was lost, not one of my proudest moments, but I guess that doesn’t have much to do with The Princess herself. As far as strange behavior, that’s about all I can think of—”
“Are you serious! You’re not going to mention how she flew around the Council Chamber and got Luna’s job back?! Especially when The Princess is usually barely interested in Day Court, not to mention how she was seen flying around the castle with Shining Armor on her back while Princess Cadence flew after her with a giant sword. Celestia was later seen flying around Canterlot in a giant bunny suit, and now her Highness is paying us to throw a party!” Bright Herald was panting by this point. She clasped a hoof over her mouth the moment she realized she had spilled her guts about Her Highness.
There was a brief pause as Porcelain Pot just sat there. “Jeez, what a blather mouth. You also used said 'flying around' twice in a row.” She looked over at Pinkie Pie. “So yeah, Celestia’s been pretty normal around here, except the whole unexpected party thing.”
"Ahah! My suspicions were right. I better go find Twilight right away! See ya later alligator or alligators?” Pinkie Pie started hopping towards the double doors that led out of the dining room.
“Wait, where are you going?” Bright Herald shouted towards the pink mare.
“I've got baking, decorating, sound checks for Vinyl Scratch, and saving Equestria stuff to do, bye now!” She disappeared in a pink blur around the corner of the hallway. Not moments later, Pinkie’s head popped around the corner of the doorway again. “You two remember all the stuff I need you to do for the double party right?”
The two mares nodded and Pinkie’s head went out of view.
Bright Herald and Porcelain pot exchanged looks.
“You remember what she said, right?" They said as they pointed at each other.
“Oh, horse apples.” They both said in unison.
Pinkie Pie’s head poked back into the dining room doorway. “Speaking of horse apples, Brighty, your invitations are crap! Also they need more glitter, like tons more.” The earth pony's head retracted around the corner. By the time Bright Herald reached the hallway, Pinkie was gone.
The Court announcer's face turned crimson. “I don’t care if she’s in charge or an Element of Harmony, I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind. I worked hard on the banner and those invitations.” She charged towards Pinkie’s direction but her tail was caught in somepony’s magic.
“She’s right, take a look,” Miss Pot said with her horn still aglow. “See? ‘Celestia’s Royal Autumn Party’ spells out ‘CRAP.’ All your invitations say C.R.A.P.” The serving mare started giggling before she received a hoof to the shoulder.
Normally, Princess Celestia had no issue winning diplomatic situations. All it usually took was a melting glare and all would bow before her in humble defeat. However, she wasn’t usually wearing the body of her awkward student, known mostly for her role as the town’s obsessive librarian. This form certainly did not have the same impact, as the only look that residents feared from her was that disbelieving stare that would come just before a long lecture on proper book care or the insurmountable injustice of being unable to check out a book because it was on the overdue list.
This could consume an entire twenty minutes of your day, and that was before the five minute presentation on her annual ‘Reading is Fun!’ seminar, accompanied by a tri fold pamphlet. Residents often wondered whether she was serious or if this was in fact a sort of deranged punishment.
At the moment, Celestia really wished Twilight held a more intimidating position in Ponyville, especially after saving her sister from Nightmare Moon. Unfortunately, Celestia had grown to understand she was merely unbearably adorkable. Still, it was a little disconcerting to see ponies suddenly cradle books like delicate foals as she walked down the streets.
Celestia somehow had the feeling that even if she had been herself, it wouldn’t have mattered at this point. Carrot Top stood behind the front door of her family's farmhouse. It wasn’t flung open to greet a national hero or friendly fellow resident. She just held the door slightly ajar so she could stare daggers at the vile unicorn she thought was Twilight Sparkle. Celestia’s student was the last mare she wanted to see right now, and her hoof on the door handle was ready to slam it at a moment’s notice.
“What do you want?” Autumn Harvest demanded. “You better leave town before the guards find you. You can’t deny it was you! You sent those rabbit vermin to eat my carrots, didn’t you?!”
Well, isn’t she sunshine and rainbows? Celestia imagined how easily she could launch the mare off that doorstep, but she let it slide. She had done the crime after all.
“Fine, then. I won’t deny it, and I’m sorry for the trouble I have caused you. However, I won’t be going anywhere until we sort a few things out.”
“Twilight Sparkle, the goody four shoes of Celestia, just admitted to committing a crime.” The words seemed to hit her like a physical blow. Her mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish. Finally, after she regained her composure, the door creaked fully open and she stepped out onto her porch. "I'm listening. For now."
Celestia couldn’t help herself from smiling at this bit of progress. She tried to disguise it as one of Twilight’s cheesy grimaces. “I’m willing to do just about anything to make it up to you, Carrot Top, if you would please drop the charges. You see, my friend Fluttershy has become a suspect in the crime, and It would be terrible if she were falsely accused. I don’t think her soft little heart could take it,” Celestia finished with an exaggerated frown and pursing of her lips. The head tilt and folded ears may have been overboard.
The farmer just stood on her porch while cycling through a range of expressions, before finally speaking up. Carrot Top’s performance would have rivaled a griffin diplomat scrambling to secure a loose bit of land. It wasn’t at all comforting, considering one was a war hardened scoundrel and this was supposed to be one of her sweet little ponies.
“I’ll accept your apology...”
Maybe Celestia’s, ‘confuse them into forgiveness’ routine was going to work. “Thank you for your understanding. I’m certain—”
Carrot Top cut the princess short. “—However, I’m not going to drop the charges.”
Celestia resisted the urge to grind her teeth. Instead, she forced what she figured was a neighborly smile. This was a difficult feat, considering she lived in a castle for most of her life with no real neighbors. “Is there no way we can settle this ourselves? Why are you so hung up on this anyway?”
“Well for starters, you sided with Applejack to humiliate me, and you damaged my family's crops.”
It was time for the unknowable expression she used to make the nobles sweat. It was the same look that got Twilight to make one of those cute frustrated whines. “Your second point is fair,” admitted Celestia, “but you must realize I’m a good friend of Applejack. Of course I would jump at the chance to help her.
Celestia paused, seeing something flare up in Carrot Top’s angry glare.
“If you wouldn’t mind me asking, what exactly is going on here?”
Carrot Top was quick to snap back. “This had nothing to do with you. What happens between me and those insufferable Apple folks is none of your business!” Carrot Top turned to slam the door in Celestia's face, but she found it was being wrenched open by Twilight’s pulsing magic.
Pleasantries were over. Celestia took a deep breath. “This became my business the second you insulted us... the princesses. As I said before, Applejack asked for my help. What kind of friend would I be if I just turned her down?”
“How dare you!” Carrot Top yelled. Celestia took the defensive as the earth pony continued to march straight at her, nearly pushing her off the porch steps. “You, the Student of Princess Celestia herself, would be the last pony to understand,” Carrot Top snorted, lifting her nose. Just then, a devious smile formed on the mare's face.
“I’ll tell you what, If you beat me in a wrestling match, without magic, then maybe I’ll tell you why I have a problem with them Apples, and why I insulted the Princess. If you can do that, I’ll drop the charges. That or you can pay the 500 bits Stonewall is charging the pony who wrecked my farm.”
“That’s, that’s just silly. I’m not going wrestle with you, or pay 500 bits for your fake emotional trauma. I doubt anypony in Ponyville has that kind of money.”
Whoever pays that is going to get emotional trauma.
“I’m sure the princess of her majesty could easily come up with that kind of money. Unless you spent it all on books?” Carrot Top said.
Celestia coughed into her hoof.
Carrot Top turned back to the farmhouse, swatting Celestia in the face with her tail as she went. “If you have a problem with the law, then take it up with Her majesties and the council.”
Celestia’s patience had run out. It might have been over one thousand, three hundred and thirty three years since she was last tail-swatted in the face, but it was still one of the most disrespectful things one could do to somepony.
“Take it up with the law?” She snorted in exasperation a few times before bellowing in an infernal rage, “I AM THE LAW!”
“Besides that not making any sense—”
Celestia held out a hoof. “I accept your challenge. Right here, right now.”
Carrot Top didn't utter a word. She narrowed her eyes at her foe, sizing her up and down. She reached out slowly towards the Twilight’s hoof before her, as if it had one of Pinkie Pie’s alarmingly powerful hoof buzzers attached. As soon as Carrot Top’s hoof separated from Celestia’s, the unicorn pounced on her target like a vicious kitten.
***
It had started out a small chuckle, but now Applejack was enjoying a full belly laugh. She was shaking so hard she dropped a basket of apples she had been loading into her cart. She looked down at the scattered fruit for a moment before breaking back into raucous laughter.
“Funny joke, Twilight. And it wasn’t about math or science er nothin!” Once Applejack had salvaged what apples she could and set the basket in the cart, she hoofed a tear of amusement from her eye. “Now let’s hear the real story.”
“That is the real story,” Celestia huffed. Nopony had accused her of being a liar for the longest times. It was especially ironic, that the Element of Honesty was the one to break that streak when she happened to be telling the truth. “I didn’t have to tell you all this. I just thought it would be worse if you heard it from somepony else first.”
Applejack leaned against the cart full of empty wicker baskets. “So let me get this straight,” she began as she distributed some of said baskets around a nearby tree. After a quick back-hoof against the tree and a series of little thuds, the baskets were all neatly filled with ripe apples.
“You’re tellin’ me that you went over to Golden Harvest farms ta apologize for sending a horde of rabbits to eat her carrots, but then you ended up wrasslin’ with her all over her front yard instead?” Applejack asked, as she finished loading the newly collected apples. “Is that about right so far?”
Celestia nodded. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment.
“Then you say you were winin’ when Stonewall showed up to arrest you for messin’ with her carrots, and assault and batteries or sumthin.’ You used some fancy wording in the law about hoof shakes to get away with everything and made Carrot Top drop all the charges. Then she finally told you why she’s so upset with us Apples and all is good and dandy?” Applejack's voice was getting louder with every sentence.
What is with that look she’s giving me? “It wasn’t anything too fancy,” Celestia dismissed. “She said she would “drop all the charges,” if I beat her. The hoof-shake sealed a legally binding verbal contract. I was of course, reluctant to stoop to brawling at first, until she said she would explain her plight against the Apple family if—”
“Give me a second here.” Applejack trotted over to a nearby dead tree, before making it explode with with a double barreled helping of iron shod hooves. All that remained was a splintered stump and a pile of broken wood. “You’re gonna start explainin’ fast, before I do something I regret.”
The unicorn took in a deep breath. Celestia opened her mouth a few times only to reconsider her words.
“Did, I say something wrong?”
“Did you?!” Applejack yelled as she threw a stack of empty baskets at Celestia. “That was the same deal she gave me, before you lectured me for nearly an hour not do it! Did you forget that?!”
Celestia shrank up against the nearest treetrunk among the scattered baskets. “Yes! I mean, no! I just.” Wait, why do I feel like I remember that? It was in the south field, last October—
“Hypocrite!”
Applejack raised a hoof at the quivering mare, but stopped short. The earth pony was gritting her teeth and loudly blowing air from her nose.
The Princess sighed in relief when Applejack turned away, only to flinch when two hoof prints formed right above her head. A shower of apples pummeled Celestia from above. By the time she recovered enough to extricate herself from the small pile of fruit, Applejack had already hitched up to the wagon and headed off for the farm’s storage cellar.
Celestia quickly trotted up to appologize, but Applejack pointed back at the fresh apples on the ground. “You gonna get those?”
Rather than get in a fight with another farm pony, Celestia wisely backed off. It only took a second to levitate the apples into the baskets that had conveniently been thrown in her face for the second time.
She stared blankly at the filled apple baskets, before they too were lifted in her magic. How could she have screwed things up so bad? I’ve tackled international affairs, complex economic catastrophes, interdimensional ninja cats, and horrid abominations that threatened the very fabric of space and time. How can I fail so hard at pretending to be somepony else’s friend? Celestia sank to her haunches in shame.
She was ‘pretending.’ That was the problem. She couldn’t believe it took her this whole time to see her glaring mistake.
I really know nothing about the Elements. Sure I remember all of Twilight’s letters, and that time we stopped Nightmare Moon by re-awakening the Elements of Harmony, and that Applejack’s favorite color is pink, and Rainbow Dash really hates it when you touch her... wait, what? Why do I know—
Celestia flinched as somepony touched her upon the shoulder. She didn’t need to guess who’s orange hoof was hooked over her withers.
There it was again, the care from a friend she hadn't earned. The reason for her self introspection came back to mind, along with the guilt for screwing things up for Twilight.
“I’m sorry,” Celestia said softly.
If Applejack heard her she certainly didn’t show it. “You gonna’ come back ta the farm for dinner, or are ya just gonna keep moppin’ and spinning those apple baskets above your head?”
“Wait, you're not still mad at me?” Celestia stuttered a little.
“I’m madder than heck, but that ain’t as important as makin’ sure you’re okay.” Applejack took a seat next to the princess. “It’s what friends are for; forgiving each other for doing stupid, stuff.”
“I am so stupid.” She couldn’t bear to look at her, especially behind such a mask of deceit. “I’m not your friend," Celestia said so quietly that Applejack barely heard it.
Applejack chuckled. “You’re a lot of things, Twi, but stupid ain’t one a them. Methodical, obsessive, controlling, and all kinds a particular for sure. But stupid? If you’re stupid, then I’m a rock,” Applejack said, trying to get a smile out of her friend.
“You’re much scarier than any rock I’ve ever met. Also, don’t obsessive, controlling, and particular kinda go hoof in hoof?” Celestia asked.
Applejack had a bemused look about her. “You, met rocks? Did they talk back?”
“Actually, yes. I mean, sort of. It’s a long story.” Celestia scratched her lavender chin, trying to think of the best way to explain.
“Ha! See, that’s what I’m talking about!” Applejack exclaimed with a painful punch to her foreleg. “That’s partly why I like ya so much. Anypony that spends time with ya is bound ta learn something. Celestia knows the farm’s accounting would still be a disaster without ya.”
Somehow she could see the numbers and spreadsheets now. Celestia couldn’t take anymore praise for her student’s endeavors. Celestia finally brokered the courage to look Applejack in the eyes. Small tear tracks ran down her lavender muzzle. “You don’t get it! I’m not Celestia!”
What the heck was that?! "I mean I’m not Twi—”
“SOUP’S ON EVERYPONY!” The dinner triangle clanged away in the distance.
Applejack sat up and turned towards the farm. She looked back at Celestia over her shoulder. “You ain’t gonna beat yourself up about this ya hear! Just call us even for putting up with my stubbornness during that last Applebuck Season.”
“But I need to tell you—”
“Yer darn right you’re gonna tell me all about what Carrot Top had ta say. I think Everypony is rarin’ to hear about that.”
Celestia wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or ashamed for keeping her secret. The strange thing was, the more she thought about her friends, the more it felt like she had known them all along.
No. My student’s friends.
As she trotted off after Applejack, she levitated a parade of apple baskets behind her. Celestia barely noticed the subconscious grinding of her own teeth or her abnormal breathing.
***
Dinner was a vegetable stew, bread, and of course apple related dishes with apple pie for dessert. The family was just about done with the main course when Celestia finished recounting the tale of how she fought the law, and won. It just took a bit of verbal trickery and martial arts.
The more pressing matter was what exactly was going on in her head? Was her mental control was slipping?
Luckily, she had had more than enough practice having conversations while devoting her inner thoughts to other matters. Contemplating when she needed to go feed Cerberus The Gatekeeper, also known as her fluffy wuffy companion, was much more important than listening to Prince Blueblood rant that his imported tea had been thrown off the harbor by his own dock crew.
"Why, that was sneakier than a fox in hen house," Granny Smith said as Celestia recapped her tale. “Though, as much as I approve of teachin’ that pony a lesson, I don’t much condone with messing with their crop. I don’t know what we’d do if she decided to get revenge on our apples.”
“Yeah, I kinda overdid it a bit didn’t I?” Celestia scratched the back of her head in embarrassment.
“Yeeap!” Big Macintosh said from the head of the table.
Apple Bloom was ecstatic about Twilight’s wrestling match. The little filly declared that if saving Equestria through time and space didn’t get them their marks, then becoming the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders Wrestling Champs’ would be their next target.
Every other member of the Apple family quickly shot down the idea. They also wondered what Bloom meant by time travel? Luckily they missed Twilight’s guilty expression.
Some time later, when they had all had their fill of dinner, Applejack swept the cooled pie from the window sill. As she turned back to the kitchen table, Applejack popped the question that Celestia was afraid of.
“So what did Carrot Top tell ya about her misgivings against us Apples? Is she finally gonna surrender?”
As Applejack approached the table with the fresh apple pie, Big Mac tracked the savory morsel with a longing stare, licking his lips eagerly. Nopony dared touch an apple pie until ‘Big Red’ took the first slice.
Celestia twiddled her front hooves. “About that. I sort of, might have, promised you would promote her carrots during next cider season... and some other things.”
Big Mac frowned when Applejack dropped the pie on the table. A fissure formed down the middle of a previously perfect crust. He cradled the pie, releasing a sad whine and single tear. Nopony seemed to notice his plight. It will all be over soon, he promised the pie.
Applejack stood poised with her hooves on the table. She focused her downward gaze at Celestia.
“That’s funny I thought I heard you say you promised ta have me praise her carrots during our Cider Season?” she asked sternly.
“Well yes, I did.” Celestia held up a hoof to keep everypony form literally and figuratively jumping out of their seats. “Autumn Harvest explained that each year her sales stay nearly the same. A small bit of her stock goes to the Canterlot Castle kitchens... to make those delectable, scrumptious carrot cakes.”
Celestia came to her senses in time to stop a bit of drool from forming.
“Anyway, the rest of her stock gets sold here. She refuses to sell to the snooty businesses in Canterlot, even though her organic carrots would sell great ever since the whole health food craze against M.M.Os started.”
Everypony looked a bit confused, except Big Macintosh. He was too busy sneaking a third piece of pie.
“What’s an MMO?” Apple Bloom asked. “Miss Cheerilee taught us what organic was, but I never heard a that.”
“An MMO is a Magically Modified Organism,” Celestia said with a groan, remembering all the controversy over such things. “It just means magic was used in some part of the process of growing the food product. Some ponies think theses foods are harmful, even when we have been eating vegetables farmed with earth pony magic for as long as I can remember,” she said. Any signs of irritation on the topic was replaced by a itching need to thoroughly explain all of the extraneous details.
“Sure, the Flim Flam brothers have come up with some questionable ways to produce fast growing, pest resistant corn, but to refuse to eat any magically produced vegetable is silly. I mean, if you consider the latent magic field that surrounds everything on Equis, then all food could be considered—”
Celestia trailed off. She noticed Applejack was snickering, Granny Smith was asleep, Apple Bloom looked confused, and Big Mac was looking at her with goo goo eyes and a goofy grin. His head was cocked slightly to the side, cradled by one of his big blond hooves.
Celestia didn’t realize she was staring back, until Applejack interrupted the awkward silence.
“You were doing it again Twi,” Applejack laughed. “For darn's sake, little Bloom’s only twelve.”
“Hey! I’m not little!” Apple Bloom protested, but nopony was listening.
It was Celestia’s turn to blush. “What? I’m not interested in, I mean it’s not bad for a filly her age to see a little roma—”
Celestia swore she saw Big Mac blushing before he pulled a pie pan over his face and started licking it clean. Or maybe he was just pretending. It sure is adorable. Argh, no. You don’t even know him.
Applejack belted out a new set of giggles that woke up Granny Smith so fast the old mare almost fell out of her chair.
“I wasn’t talkin’ about you’re two way love denial. I was talkin—”
Celestia couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, “I am NOT interested in dating Big... stallions right now.” Darn it mouth!
“—about gettin’ carried away explaining stuff,” Applejack finished through Celestia’s interruption. “Though, it’s interesting to hear that you prefer the big stallions Twilight,” She said before she winked playfully.
Celestia’s only saving grace was Granny Smith giving her granddaughter a swift hoof to the back of the head.
“I don’t get it. What’s the big deal with the size of stallions that Twilight likes?” Apple Bloom asked.
Granny delivered another swat to her eldest granddaughter. “See whatcha started?” Granny Smith accused. The old coot was surprisingly fast for her age.
The filly continued on, oblivious to her sister’s plight.
“I mean the mares around town are always whispering about how Mac must be the biggest in town, but that seems kinda obvious.”
“Apple Bloom, this is not the time,” Applejack hissed through clenched teeth.
“But, how is that a secret? He’s obviously huge! Just look at him!” Apple Bloom held her hooves up as wide as she could, which was only about three feet.
Applejack had the foresight to dodge the next blow from Granny Smith. “Apple Bloom. Room, now!”
“But I—”
“NOW!”
The yellow filly grumbled all the way away from the table and up the stairs.
Celestia wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed. Based on the way Big Mac had smashed the pie tin down over his head, it was probably him. The way his ears and nose poked out the sides was remarkably adorable.
“Can we please just move along?” Celestia asked.
“As long as ya don’t go ‘full egghead’ on us, as Rainbow Dash would put it,” Applejack said as she pointed at Twilight.
Celestia applied her forehead directly to the table. One of the points of sending me to this town was so I would stop ‘nerding out.’
“Now Applejack. It ain’t polite to point at the dinner table, or make fun of Twilight’s need to sound smart all the time,” Granny Smith sagely said.
“I do not need to..!”
Celestia couldn’t stop herself, before trotting straight into that one. The old codger gave a sly smile to Applejack and the two shared a none too subtle laugh. Now the unicorn was blushing all over again with her arms crossed in indignation.
“I've been had, by an old bag and a farmer. Oh the in-equinity!”
“Hey now, you’re the one who brought up who you like to roll in the hay with,” said Granny Smith with a coy smile of crooked teeth.
Celestia and Applejack both leered at Granny Smith. By this point, Big Mac had ‘mysteriously’ disappeared from the table.
Granny Smith held up her hooves in mock innocence. “What? There ain't no young-ins around now.”
Applejack snorted derisively. “Well, now that that’s outta the way, I believe you were explaining why we should give a hoot about Carrot Top’s sales?” Applejack asked without a shred of the mirth she had a second earlier.
Celestia took a few moments to make sure everypony had finished teasing her. After a swig of fresh apple juice, she was ready to continue.
“Well, the Apple Family has—”
“Sorry Twilight, but does this have a short version?” Applejack asked, nearly at her wit’s end.
Celestia ground her front hooves hooves into the table. Obviously I sabotaged the wrong property.
“The Carrots may need to sell their farm,” she said flatly. “I have agreed to help them try to save it. There, I said it.”
Silence reigned in the Apple Family kitchen.
“Could you repeat that?” Applejack asked in disbelief. “I’m not sure I heard that right.”
The Element of Honesty was once again staring right at her. What she did to Carrot Top’s farm was bad enough, but finding out she was a hypocrite to Applejack and basically agreed to endorse her competitors only made it worse.
She hadn’t felt this small since...
...She was quivering before Mother, as she ranted at her for her latest trick to get back at her brother.
She knew Shining Armor couldn’t resist running to the door once he heard Cadance's voice. She had magically hung a bucket containing pink mane dye above the front door of the manor. Little Shining had gone running to see his crush, only to be doused with the stuff. It also happened to make his voice rise many octaves. Her Big Bother Biggest Fiend Forever would be waiting weeks for the mane dye to wear off. Fortunately his voice would sound normal the next day.
Boy was mother mad, but that’s what Shinny gets for stealing the last oatmeal raisin cookie!
Celestia was reveling in her bittersweet victory over her cookie eating monster of a brother, when she quickly realized there were a whole lot of things wrong with this memory. For one, her mother’s mane wasn’t on fire. It was lavender and white... like Twilight Velvet’s.
She had meant to recall the time she was caught tickling Luna while she was trying to raise the moon. After some concentration, the memory did surface.
Instead of staring down in shame at the pink blotches in an otherwise clean white carpet, Celestia was standing on a familiar grassy knoll where she and her sister practiced magic. Queen Majesty scolded her for hours about the dangers of interrupting somepony while they were controlling celestial bodies. She had been terrified by the heat and magical power licking off of the Solar Matriarch.
The intense heat of the sun stood before her, but the power of teen angst compelled her even more.
“Like I even know that many ponies that can move stars and planets, Mom!”
She literally lost her horn privileges for a whole week for that one.
So the memory was still there, Celestia noted. However, it wasn’t as clear as it should have been. Her memories were usually so vivid, devoid of the wrinkles and haze that most ponies have with old memories.
Celestia skipped forward from the cookie scandal. Past when her brother passed basic training and joined the royal guard, past getting accepted by herself... into the school for gifted unicorns. She froze the memory in her mind. She was staring up at her own regal form. Celestia smiled down at her with the golden regalia she knew so intimately. The smile was genuine, but it didn’t do much to hide the centuries of experience behind her gaze.
Of course Celestia had her priorities straight when faced this identity crisis. Have I always looked so dower? That look makes me seem old.
“Equestria to Twilight? Can you hear me?” Applejack asked, while waving her hooves in front of the unicorn.
Oh, right! I must have spaced out. Is there something wrong with me? Of course there is. My mom is NOT Twilight Velvet.
“Hey. Are you okay Twilight?” Celestia jumped at the feeling of a hoof poking her shoulder. She looked to see Applejack staring at her.
She rubbed her temple and sat up from the table. “Yeah! Yeah. Just, give me a minute. I need some fresh air.”
Before Celestia ran out the door, she hoofed Applejack a scroll of paper. Once Twilight’s striped tail slipped outside, Applejack started to read the precise script aloud to Granny smith.
“Here is a summary of complaints from Golden Harvest as best as I understand.”
That was about as far as she got before she scratched the back of her mane. “What in tarnation is, “an apparent abuse of diplomatic immunity? And what does that have to do with the EOH? What is the EOH?”
***
Things were certainly not alright, as Celestia trotted out the front door. Her head was swimming with confusing memories with impossible points of view.
Celestia was faced with herself again as the Summer Sun celebration was fast approaching. Celestia was asking her to organize things in Ponyville for the upcoming festivities. The memory replayed from both points of view; together, but distinctly different. She was both Twilight Sparkle and Celestia. Duo thoughts of that moment ran through her head.
Why have me do something that has nothing to do with the magical arts? I am so overqualified for this. It’s ridiculous! Oh no! I’m questioning her methods! And I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying while I was freaking out about questioning her methods.
There’s that face again. She’s probably wondering why I’m sending her to a small town to do such a menial task. There's the, ‘I was caught questioning my teacher’ face, followed by the, ‘oh no I was zoning out face.’I’ll just give Spike a letter that explains everything.
Celestia returned to the present.
Wow, are all of my conversations with Twi-lestia like this?
For the moment, the absurdity of simultaneous experiences had her laughing, instead of breaking down in hysterics.
Maybe she actually was in hysterics, considering she had wandered all the way out to the barn mumbling to herself. Something big and red snapped her out of her thoughts head on. The thing happened to be Big Mac. He was completely blindsided by the small unicorn, but being so large he barely budged.
Twilight rubbed at a sore spot on her horn as Big Mac helped her off of the ground. The two sat silently next to each other outside the barn, neither one willing to make eye contact. Apparently her crisis would need to be put on hold.
“So, um—”
“About back—”
“Sorry, you go first!” They both said in unison.
The two shared an awkward chuckle before Big Mac spoke. “I’m sorry ma family can be a bit nosy. Every time I happen to... It’s just, I mean, you're just.”
Twilight looked over expectantly. Her ears perked in attention. This is the moment she didn’t even know she had been waiting for.
Mac’s mouth quivered as he blushed. The way she looked all focused and eager only made his chest pound harder. “Yer just so darned cute! There! I said it. I understand... if you don’t like me that way, but...”
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Was what echoed through her head. Celestia vigorously shook her head and her ears flapped around a little. This isn’t me, or is it? She tried to push away memories of spying on Big Mac with her telescope as he worked the stall in the market. “No, it’s just not a good time. I have some things to work out first.”
“You don’t need to sugarcoat it for me. You're smart, maybe a little too smart for your own good. Your funny, and sensitive, and brave too. But me? I’m just a big goof.”
Celestia didn't know what to say. She just watched as Big Mac scribbled in the dust with one of his hooves.
“What chance does a simple farmer like me have with Celestia’s student?” The question sounded more like a statement of defeat to her.
“I’m not sugarcoating anything, Big Mac,” she said. Celestia gently lifted Big Mac’s chin to face her. “Your kind, hardworking, and honest like your sister. And don’t think I didn't see you practically murder that pie.” The words felt strangely natural, like they had been waiting to come out.
“Thanks, but I’m not as honest as you think.” Big Mac reached for a small cloth sack from behind himself. His head barely fit in the opening, but he was able to withdraw a small tattered object. “I wanted to surprise you with it some day. I should’a givin this to you forever ago.”
“SMARTY PANTS! You found him!” Celestia’s mind exploded with splendorous emotions. She could taste faint traces of apple pie before she even knew what she was doing. Big Mac’s eyes were wide as dinner plates and a pink tinge covered his red cheeks.
“Oh, my, uh...” Celestia quickly removed her forehooves from around the large stallion and shoved the doll back in it’s bag. The unbearable radiation of memories from the doll seemed to relent.
She pushed the sack in front of Big Mac’s quivering hooves. “Why don’t you take that back, and I’ll ask for it when I’m ready, to do stuff, with you.”
Big Mac’s eyes started twitching and he looked about ready to faint.
“Stuff, as in dating or something!” Celestia clarified. “I wasn’t thinking about secret basement experiments or something! You know what? I’m just going to be quiet now.
Big Mac lost a bit of his stiffness, instead starting to fidget and look everywhere except at Twilight.
With a simple “Yeap.” Big Mac scampered back into the farmhouse, obviously adamant about taking care of something. He appeared in the doorway once again, about ready to say something. Instead his lips just moved silently before he disappeared again.
That was the most embarrassing thing I have done in two centuries. That was a terrible kiss, I sounded like a school filly, and he probably thinks I’m some sort of freak. Good thing Cadence wasn’t here.
Celestia trotted around the back of the barn, where she let her body slide to the ground against the red painted wood. She could feel a major headache brewing.
First Rarity, and now this? The last thing she needed during this identity crisis was confusing romantic emotions surrounding her friend's Big Brother. This time, visions of her spying on the stallion from the forest surrounding the farm were popping up in her mind. So to did a pro-con list of asking him on a date. ‘He’s a nice color’ was scratched out and replaced with ‘primary’ color. For whatever reason that was a pro.
Celestia swatted herself in the face to clear her mind, which she quickly found was not conducive to headache relief. “Get a hold of yourself.” It was time to take stock of the situation!
These memories are obviously Twilight’s.
The memories seem to be triggered by certain stimuli.
But what exactly are those stimuli?
Celestia was so busy pacing that she missed the large bubble of electricity forming above a nearby haystack. Three ponies flopped onto the pile of straw and stumbled over to her side.
“That is the last time we try the cliff method!” Sweetie Belle cried in her naggy shrill voice.
“Well it seems safer than the manticore method,” Scootaloo protested.
“Or the, ‘let the seriousness of our choices sink in and take responsibility for our actions’ method.”
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo turned to Apple Bloom and the three thoroughly agreed. “Yeah, let’s never do that.”
Celestia just stood there until the three finally took notice. It was obvious they wanted to tell her something important, but they were busy arguing who should tell her. Sweetie Belle argued that she was the one who had to do the time travel spell. Apple Bloom argued that they were at her property.
Celestia sighed deeply and rubbed her temple with a hoof. “Girls I know you've come a long way, when, to tell me something, but I don’t really have time—”
“Duh, that’s why we came to tell you that you didn’t just switch minds with Twilight,” Scootaloo interrupted. The other girls grumbled about losing their turn.
Celestia nodded. “Yeah, it’s like her memories have overwritten some of mine. And it seems like strong emotional triggers for Twilight or thoughts of the past make it worse!” Celestia shouted throwing her hooves in the air.
“Dang it! She already figured it out. I knew we didn’t go back far enough,” Appleboom cursed. “Well at least we can tell you that it only affects the first 23 years of your life and the emotional outbursts you get are from having Twilight’s memories replace your childhood.”
“Oh, that makes a lot of sense. I can remember bits of my actual childhood because I’m remembering times I recalled my past, post that 23 year mark when Twilight and I switched bodies.” Somehow, having this all explained by time traveling fillies helped calm Celestia down quite a bit.
“Right, so our work here is done,” Sweetie Belle said urgently before nudging the others to make a break for it.
It was too late, they were already floating in a light red aura. “Nah ah ah. I have some questions for you three.” The trio swallowed a lump in their throat.
“You've been using adrenaline to scare Sweetie Belle into performing the time spell, haven't you?”
“Uh, no?” Scootaloo said unconvincingly. Celestia used her stern face number ten. “I mean it takes a little bit more more magic than that for three ponies.”
“How much more?” Celestia prompted.
“Apparently like twelve?”
“Twelve... what?” Celestia gestured for Scootaloo to elaborate.
“Twelve times sweetie’s normal magic when she’s maxed out,” Scootaloo said as fast as she could, hoping Celestia wouldn’t catch it.
When Celestia just stared coldly at the little pegasus, Scootaloo took that as her cue to continue.
“Well, remember that portal Twilight never closed? Or I guess you never closed. This shop owner, who was friends with this other shop owner, from a place called Summoner’s Rift, sold us this Needlessly Large Rod for just five hundred bits.” Where did three foals even get five hundred bits? It couldn’t be allowance money, or could it?
Celestia’s ground her teeth, which she realized were probably more worn than they should be at Twilight’s age.
When Twilight’s ears and right eye started twitching, The Crusaders wondered if they had a broken unicorn on their hands. “You just, you just,” Celestia stuttered, “You just walked into a portal, found a complete stranger selling magical oddities, and handed him hundreds of bits for an unknown magical artifact?!”
“It turns out that our bits are way more valuable than their gold.” Sweetie chimed in, hoping that her winning smile and huge savings would lighten their punishment.
Celestia took a deep breath. “So where is this Rod now?”
“Oh, it’s probably at the bottom of the waterfall in Canterlot where we jumped off to scare Sweetie Belle into doing the time spell.” Apple Bloom paused. “Well I guess technically it will be there next Tuesday.”
“So nevermind that you left an enormously powerful magical artifact at the base of my castle for anypony to find, how are are you still here? The time spell should have ripped you back to your present by now.”
"Oh that’s an easy one. When we jumped too far ahead to the end of Equestria, mhmhm, Starlight Glimmmhmr—"
“And Apple Bloom isn’t allowed to talk anymore, heh, heh,” Sweetie Belle said as she held her hoof over the yellow fillie’s pie hole. “You aren't supposed to know about any of that yet. Just know that if you don’t find a way to switch you two back soon, it will be the first end of equestria as you, well, this you, knows it.”
“Well you shouldn’t be meddling with time! If you don’t tell me exactly what’s happening, I could just take you over to Applejack right now. I’m sure your other sisters would come right over if they heard all the irresponsible stuff you three have been up to? So go back to when you came.”
The Crusaders looked at each other in their floating cloud of magic. “We’d love to go back, but Sweetie Belle has kinda gotten too used to being thrown off cliffs, chased by wild animals, and stuff. Besides if we went back now we’d finish the fall off of Canterlot and probably die hitting the water at terminal velocity,” Scootaloo said mater-o-factly.
“We could just tell the others who you really are,” Apple Bloom threatened.
Celestia’s legs stiffened. “You, wouldn’t, dare,” she whispered. The gall of children these days.
“You're the one who taught a little filly how to time travel,” Sweetie Bell added.
“Yeah, we're just kids. What’s your excuse?” Scootaloo said.
“Uhh...” Bested by children once more?
The sound of the farmhouse door creaking open interrupted the quartet. “Hey Twi? Are ya still mopin’ behind the barn? You ain’t talking to yerself again are ya?”
The fear of appearing halfway down Canterlot Falls plummeting to their doom seemed better than facing the Element of Honesty. The Crusaders must have thought the same, considering, they were running in circles screaming in little whispers.
Celestia performed another double facehoof that day. “Fine, go. I’m going to sit here and rethink my life. You know, except for the Twilight parts.”
“But how—” Sweetie Belle’s question was cut off as Celestia sent the Crusaders back to whence they came.
The green flash and static left by the time travel spell dissipated just in time for Applejack to poke her head around the corner of the barn, where she found a lone Twilight Sparkle, with the oddest frizzy hairstyle.
Celestia's biggest relief were the wards she had placed at the lake below Canterlot centuries ago, designed to slow the fall of unfortunate ponies who got caught in the water falls.
What kind of careless ruler just had open waterways of deathfilled with jagged rocks at at the bottom of her castle?
Applejack set a hoof on Celestia's shoulder. “Twi, were gonna be late for that meeting at Rainbow’s house.”
“Oh, yeah, right! I don’t want to be late!”
Applejack watched as her unicorn friend trotted towards town.
