You are a human. You are also in Equestria. Now the only thing you have to do is be nice and earn a living. Only thing is, there may be trouble lurking in your wake. Or not.
This is my first attempt at a HiE fic. I know it's overdone but I can guarantee it's not a self insert. This time, anyway. But nevertheless! I digress! You are a human stuck in the oh-so-magical land of Equestria where there are trees and flowers and chirping birds and ponies and mythical beings who can cause a lot of destruction and death. A pleasant place to be. Written in 2nd person narrative. No proofreader, so don't judge yet. If it becomes successful enough, I may hire one. Rated teen for language reasons.
I swear if you don't shut up I will cancel this story and you will cease to exist!
...
As I was saying, you wake up screaming in agony. From what? You do not know. What you do know is that you could really do with some morphine right about now. Your eyes shoot open, your pupils widening to take in your surroundings. You're on the floor. A grassy floor. Scratch that, you're in a freaking forest!
You look around some more from your position on the floor, the pain having been nulled. You are in the middle of a clearing, the sounds of a spring morning advancing on your ears. The trees around you make a towering roof above the forest.
You stand slowly, getting your bearings. Strange. I don't remember falling asleep in a forest. Must have been one hell of a night. any drowsiness you had in your body leaves as a large roar shakes the ground beneath you. You crouch low to stop yourself from falling over and your senses heighten, preparing for a fight. The bushes to your right start to shake.
You twist your body towards the new sound. As if on cue, another roar is heard. Suddenly a large lion... Bear... Thing leaps at you. It stops in front of you, nose to nose, glaring into your soul. After a minute, you take the logical course of action.
"GOTTARUNFASTGOTTARUNFASTGOTTARUNFAST!!!!" You scream, turning around and bolting through the undergrowth, startling the creature enough so that you could escape. You keep on running , stopping for nothing. You even passed what you assumed was a house in a tree. Nope. Been watching too much Star Wars. GOOD HEAVENS WHAT AM I SAYING!?... Thinking... Whatever. You can never have too much Star Wars!
Your running lead you to the edge of the forest. As you neared the edge, stumbling through the darkness, you realised that you had no idea what forest you were in. You don't live anywhere near a forest. You live in Las Vegas, in the middle of a freaking desert! WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!?
You are about to break down when you hear something. Something that sounds a lot like talking. Though you may be mistaken. It could be another monster.
The sound is coming from the outside. That means civilisation. That means phones and cars and other technology. That means there is a way home.
You scramble the last few metres and into the light and realise that you are at the top of a hill overlooking a very cartoonish-looking village. Nearest to you is what you believe to be a farm, which apparently only makes apples. Strange.
You head there first to see if you can access a phone to call someone, like a friend. The farm, while seemingly quite small, took you an hour to get to.
As you arrive at the ranch, you notice that everything appears... Smaller. You put that down to an unnatural growth spurt as if it's normal and knock on the door.
"Hold on there just a minute!" A southern-accented female voice shouts. You swear that you recognise that voice.
No less than thirty seconds pass as you wait patiently. You hear footsteps on the other side of the door. Then the door creaks open.
"Well what can I do for y-" Says the voice.
You both stare at each other. After a few seconds, you both utter, "What the buck?"
You realise you recognise the horse standing before you. Or rather, pony. In fact, you just realised where you are. And you realised what town you saw. And you also realised what forest you were in. You now come to the glaringly obvious answer to your predicament.
"Well, no kiddin'!" Applejack replies sarcastically.
"Be quiet you." You instruct, shutting her up immediately. Your hand goes to your chin as if on reflex as you think about the situation. So, if I'm in Equestria and not some weird dream, and I woke up in the Everfree Forest, meaning I wasn't summoned using average or Alicorn magic, otherwise I would have woken up in Canterlot or The Crystal Empire or Ponyville, then how should I proceed? You think. Come on brain, Think! But woe, alas, you could not remember anything from your plans if such a situation ever occurred. Don't act like you never had them.
You turn to Applejack. "Okay, as you can guess I'm not from around here. At all. And I need help from someone who may know something about this, perhaps your friend Twilight Sparkle." Up until that last point, Applejack had worn a neutral expression. But now she wore a face of shock. But only momentarily.
"How in th' hay did y'all know 'bout Twi?" She questions, her eyes narrowing as if staring into your very core and her head leaning in to accentuate that point.
"Well, it's a long story, and I'm sure it wouldn't be of any interest to you, Applejack." You say, catching her off guard.
"How do ya know mah name?" she says, the shock she is wearing remaining on her face.
"Same reason I know about Twilight. Could you take me to her so we can discuss everything?"
She thinks about it for a moment before turning back to you. "Ah suppose. But ah don't think that's such a good idea at the moment, sugarcube." You had an internal fangasm at that. "She's in one of her study crazes and Ah don't think that you arriving is gonna help."
"But you will take me, right?" You ask.
"Fine. But don't say ah didn't warn ya." she replies. "Come on. It's just a 15 minute walk."
Huh. She's taking this remarkably well. You ponder. Perhaps it's because she deals with weird crap every other Thursday?
You walk at a steady pace on the way to Twilight's castle, choosing to remain quiet all the way. It took five minutes to get out of the orchard and into outer Ponyville. For the rest of the journey, you noticed that you were receiving strange looks from the residents. Understandable, I suppose. The rest of the journey went smoothly.
As you arrive at the castle, you notice two things. One, the castle was bigger than you surmised from the show. Two, The Mane Six are crowded outside the door, minus Twilight and, of course, Applejack.
"The egghead's locked herself inside to stop us from messing with her studying." Rainbow Dash responded. "Something about 'a giant breakthrough' and 'alternate dimensions' yada yada yada. Not like I... care...anyway." She trails off, noticing the foreign visitor.
"This is... uh... actually, you never told me yer name."
Your creative side sparks up and you come up with the most amazing, awe-inspiring name you could, one that would surely leave it's mark in history just for how it sounds.
"You can call me Anon." You say, reaching out your hand for a hand/hoof shake. Real creative brain. Thanks a lot.
Rainbow wearily shakes your hand. "And I'm-"
"Rainbow Dash, element of loyalty, the fastest flier in Equestria and a Wonderbolt reserve, hoping to make your position in the Wonderbolts more permanent." You interrupt. Rainbow only stares slack-jawed in shock.
"Yeah, he does that." Explains Applejack.
"OHH! OOH! ME NEXT! ME NEXT!" Pinkie shouts energetically, hoping high in the air with one hoof raised over her head.
"Okay then." You say. "You are Pinkamena Diane Pie, known to her friends as Pinkie Pie, element of laughter, baker at Sugarcube Corner, foalsitter for Pumpkin and Pound Cake, and also the only pony to actively break the 4th wall and defy physics. And I said pony, not Draconequus." You state matter-of-factly. "Should I continue?"
Rarity is the next to speak up. "Well, what about me, darling?"
Maybe I can have some fun with this one. You think mischievously. "You are Rarity, an overly upper-class mare with a Canterlot accent who acts high class despite living in a countryside town, somehow the element of generosity despite being possessive over a boulder called Tom," She blushes at that. "And excessively uses the word 'Darling', making her seem overly flirtatious. Does that suffice?" You look around. Rarity is fuming, steam literally coming out of her ears, whilst the others are making no effort to hide their amusement. Even Fluttershy is giggling behind her hoof.
"I guess that leaves Fluttershy. Fluttershy is the element of kindness, Ponyville's local animal carer who will look after any animal. She is kind to a fault, often being considered a doormat because ponies keep walking on top of her. Even though she is like this, she still has the courage to shout at a grown dragon for attacking her friends and has been through Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Discord again and finally Tirek." At this point, Fluttershy is practically glowing with an intense blush at the (sort of) compliments she had just received.
You internally hnnnnnnng as she shies away from you and lets out a small "eep". Just as this happens, the door to the castle opens and a disheveled, crazy-looking Twilight steps out.
"Sorry abo-" She stops when she sees you. "Well, what do we have here? Be this a being from an alternate dimensional plane?" She steps forward, he eye and neck twitching.
Rainbow Dash turns to you with a genuinely fearful expression.
"Dude. Run."
Science is only fun for crazy purple unicorns with wings
If anypony in ponyville were to look outside the window right now, they would most likely see you running away from a crazy alicorn trying to trap you in magic bubbles. As it stands, this isn't even the worst thing to happen to you this week. But, as far as the day goes, this is pretty bad.
"Ya think!"
What did I say about the fourth wall?
"You- AH never said anythin- WOAH!"
Oh. Well stop breaking it. Go back to your reality.
"Fine! YEOWCH!" you yell, as another beam shoots over your head, singeing a few hairs and encasing a watermelon cart in a purple bubble. "My watermelons!" you shout.
Twilight, while still trying to trap you, says "Those aren't your watermelons."
Still running, you leap over a barrel and shout back, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE COMEDIC TIMING OF THAT! IT WAS PERFECT!"
Twilight simply seems to ignore what you said and continues to shoot at you.
By some unknown power of the universe, you unwillingly say, "For one of the most powerful magic users in existence, you really are a bad shot." Welp, your dead.
Twilight lets out a feral roar and charges up a large ball of energy. A very large ball of energy. You can only stare in horror as you wonder Why me? And with that thought in place, she fires at you... only to miss and hit the ground to your left. You look at the scorch mark on the floor and laugh. "TOLD YA!"
You continue to laugh, not noticing Twilight getting closer with every millisecond. You turn to face her, only to have your vision flood with purple. Purple with two eyes on it. Wait. Processing... Processing...*DING* You realise that the purple is actually Twilight.
You slump forwards, your face becoming neutral, and utter, "Ah, buck it."
With that, you are zapped into unconsciousness.
The following events take place between-
"SHUT the buck UP!" you scream at the voice. You are currently trapped in chains, hanging from the ceiling of... Actually, where am I? Am I in Pinkie's basement? I DON'T WANNA BE A CUPCAKE! You start to panic, your breathing becoming more erratic and your arms desperately trying to break the chains.
As you panic, a door opens behind you, a small slither of yellow light escaping into the room before being pushed back as the door closed. You hear hoofsteps behind you and you freeze in fear. Oh no! It's Pinkie! You cower in fear as the hoofsteps get closer and closer until they are just behind you. You sense movement to the left of your head as the hairs on your neck stand on end.
"Hello... Human." he voice says menacingly.
This causes you to scream out the manliest thing in the world in retaliation, something so manly that it makes lumberjacks quiver in their boots. "PLEASE DON'T TURN ME INTO CUPCAKES!!! I WANT TO LIVE!!!"
The lights come on and, to your shock, you are not in Pinkie's basement, nor is the pony behind you Pinkie. You're in what appears to be the dungeons of a crystal castle. More specifically, the crystal castle belonging to the purple alicorn behind you.
"You needn't worry, human. This won't take long." She grins, slowly walking around you, her eyes shadowed in darkness.
You gulp, realising that you are about to arrive in Equestria and be killed in the same day.
"I just need you to answer a few questions." she says, her demeanour dropping, being replaced by that of a happy student, eager to learn.
"AAAAAAAAAA- wait, what?"
"I just need you to answer a few questions, then you can go, okay?"
You think for a moment, before saying calmly, "Eh, sure. Why not?"
"Excellent!" She yells, before disappearing in a flash of light, returning three seconds later with a notebook and quill grasped in her magic. "Let the learning commence!"
"Riiight." You say, unsure what she wants to know, wondering when you'll ever get the chains off your hands. Seriously. Like, there is almost no blood in them and you're bound to lose them if they aren't released soon. "But first, can you release these chains? I quite like having blood flow in my arms. And this isn't exactly my fetish."
"Oh, sorry." She says sheepishly, a blush growing on her face, before a flash of magic makes them disappear. You scream in agony as the blood flow returns to your now blue arms. You lie on the floor hopelessly.
"Okay." You start, still on the floor in pain. "First question."
"Are you alright?" she asks, looking at you with a mixture of concern and empathy.
"Eeyup." You respond, impersonating a certain red stallion.
Twilight giggles at that. "You know, you sound just like..."
"Big Macintosh, I know. The large red stallion from sweet apple acres who's vocabulary, as far as anyo- anypony can ascertain, consists of eeyup and eenope." You say knowingly, smiling despite your arms feeling like they're broken.
"That actually relates to my third question." She says before asking, "Question two. What is your name, for the record."
"There's going to be a record? AWESOME! Oh, right, my name is Anon."
After a few seconds pause, during which Twilight looks at you sceptically, she writes it down. "Okay then. Next question. How do you know so much about us?"
This makes you tense up. Should I tell her? Should I tell her that her life has been a lie? Okay, well not really a lie, but... Anyway, would she be able to handle it? Being just a character on TV? I can't. It might prove a bit scary. I need to make up a lie, quickly! Uhh...
"I'm afraid I can not reveal such sensitive information." You say, putting on an overly British accent.
Twilight stares blankly into space. She blinks before snapping back to attention. "O-okay, then. N-next question." You can tell she is really not happy about having information withheld from her. "How did you get here? In Equestria, I mean." She looks at you hopefully.
"I... haven't got the slightest clue. I just woke up in the Everfree and made my way here. That's all I know." You sit there contemplating on the situation.
You're snapped out of your stupor by Twilight's next question. "Finally, do you come in peace?" You deadpan at Twilight.
"Seriously? Do I come in peace? There are so many things wrong with that question that I don't even know where to start! Firstly, if I didn't come in peace, wouldn't I have already killed Applejack, her being the first pony I met? Secondly, how stereotypical can you get!? "Do you come in peace?"! That is literally every bad sci-fi movie ever created! Thirdly..." You trail off, noticing that Twilight's expression keeps getting sadder and sadder, with her looking at the floor dejectedly.
I'm gonna have to do the right thing here, aren't I?
Yes.
Who are you and what are you doing in my head?
I'm your subconscious.
... Okay.
You look at Twilight, your eyes filled with regret. "I'm sorry, Twi. I didn't mean to upset you like that. I just get worked up over these types of things." You say without even registering saying it. These are not my words! Must be my subconscious. Twilight looks up at you, tears in her eyes. Great, now I made Twilight cry. Good going Brian.
You're welcome, but I think you meant brain.
Wait, what? Nevermind.
"You... You really mean that? You're not angry at me?" she asks hopefully. Her mood is really changing quickly. Is she pregnant and going through mood swings. You think.
"Yes, I do mean it." You say, randomly pulling her into a hug. I'm betting that this is my subconscious doing this. "I'm sorry I shouted, but I'm not mad at you."
"Thanks, Anon. That helped." She says gratefully.
That just happened, didn't it?
Eeyup.
Get out of my head!
The following events take place between 1pm and...
"Seriously 24 narrator dude. SHUT UP!"
Twilight looks at you incredulously. "What?"
"Ask Pinkie."
"Oh."
Twilight is leading you out of the dungeons and into the dining hall, due to a particular abundance of lunch. And breakfast.
The pink and purple crystal walls of the hallways in the castle are lined with several guards in shining armour (Hehe. "Several guards in Shining Armour". Sounds like a clopfic.), statues, paintings, and busts of the mane six, the princesses, and Starswirl the Bearded. One of the said guards looked familiar. He was an orange pegasus stallion with a spiky blue mane. As you walk past, you suddenly collapse.
"What is it?" Twilight asks worriedly, trying to help you to your feet.
"I feel a disturbance in the fandom, like several grown men cried out "Waifu stealer" in anguish, and were suddenly silenced." You say, groaning as you stand and a hand held to your temple.
"What?"
"Pinkie."
"Right."
You continue to walk to the hall, eventually arriving at the thick crystal doors. You push open the door and are happy to see seven faces. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and the Sister Princesses. Wait, what!? THE PRINCESSES!? You stare in shock.
"SHUT UP, DUDE!" you and Pinkie both shout to the befuddlement of the others in the room.
"Rainbow Dash, fork in wing (yeah, she's using her wings to hold her fork. What? They're more dextile.), is wearing a confused expression. "What?" she asks, eyebrows raised.
"It's the narrator." you and Pinkie both explain.
"Riiiiight."
Celestia stands up to address the room, causing you to bow down in respect. "What is thy bidding, my master." you say in a deep voice, causing everypony in the room to stare at you, barring Pinkie, who was laughing as if she understood the reference.
Luna suddenly smirks a little and says "arise, Lord Vader." in a near perfect impression of the Emperor. You almost squee in delight, and you would have if you had that vocal range.
Celestia quirks her brow before speaking, "That is enough Luna. Anyway, I would like to welcome you to Equestria mister..." She trailed off, signifying that you should continue.
"Anon, Princess Celestia." You respond from your kneeling position.
Celestia barely contains a smirk at that. "Really? That's your name? Are you absolutely certain that it's not short for anonymous?" She says knowingly.
"Well, I'm not exactly keen on revealing my real name to anypony here, and I'd much rather start a new identity here than continue with my old one, so until I have a befitting name that would allow me to fit in, per se." You respond, making the Princess look at you in shock.
"Considering your previous behaviour, I had no idea you were able to talk so... intelligently." She says carefully.
"I shall take that as a compli-sult!" You say, randomly taking a heroic pose. "Wait, that's already in someone else's fanfics, isn't it? Is it trademarked? I don't know, but I ain't taking the risk." you continue.
"Right then." Celestia says. "On to the matter at hoof. I would like you to accompany Twilight and her friends to Canterlot in order for us to do research on you and your world."
"Okey dokey Loki!" you exclaim.
"Hey!" Pinkie exclaims. "That's my line!"
You smirk, your eyes showing a hint of mischief. "I know. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA-*cough-cough**cough**hack**cough*" Your faux-evil laugh is cut short by a coughing fit.
Pinkie looks to Celestia. "I like this one. Can we keep him? Please?"
Celestia, as motherly as ever, says "Of course, Pinkie." Then a sly smile shows up on her face. Not good. NOT GOOD! "So long as you feed him twice a day and clean up after his mess."
The whole room is in uproar at this, much to your displeasure. It continues for what seems like hours. Finally, you've had enough. "Okay! That's enough! Now, when can I have my lunch?"
The laughter dies down quickly. Twilight then walks you to a seat. Or rather, a red cushion on the floor. You plonk yourself unceremoniously on the cushion in a cross-legged position, the table coming up to your chest. You notice on the crystal table, there is a plate in front of you. A plate of fish and mixed vegetables. This confuses you.
"Uh, I thought you were all herbivores?" You say.
"We are, but I noticed that your teeth are similar to that of a herbivore and carnivore." Twilight began. "And we don't have meat on demand, so we cooked some fish. Is that okay?"
You cut a small bit off the fish and taste it and... "SWEET FAUST THIS IS THE BEST FISH I HAVE EVER TASTED!" You shout, going on to devour the entire dish faster than Pinkie ever could, much to the amazement of said mare.
"Alright! Now let's get going to Canterlot!" You yell. Everyone slowly gets out of their seats and, with the mane six leading, you head to the station. Celestia and Luna simply took their respective chariots.
You pass through the town, receiving odd stares from the inhabitants. You should probably get used to that for the next few months. You did recognise a few of these ponies as background characters.
You arrive at the station only minutes after leaving the castle, and stand on the platform, towering above the others. As soon as you arrive, a tooting sound is heard coming from your right, signalling the approaching train. You turn to look at the train as it arrives, waiting for it to stop so you can go inside, doing so in a tense silence, mostly because, well, what do you say to a strange and comical creature from another world?
You all board in silence. You sit there, on the train, staring out of the window at the distant city as the others all talk to each other. Not once on the two hour train journey do you talk to anypony, too entranced in your thoughts to do anything, despite being in what some would consider perfect company.
You think ahead to Canterlot. Celestia said that she wanted to research me. That could prove problematic, depending on what she wants to know.
You should probably tell her what she wants to know. She's an all powerful alicorn who controls the sun and could probably blast you to Cybertron and back without breaking sweat. Not somepony who's bad side you want to get on. Your subconscious says.
I know that, but what if I can tell her some false truths? I won't be lying, just withholding information.
Yeah, but... actually, that's a good idea.
I know. I thought of it. If you're gonna keep coming into my mind, I'm gonna need to give you a name.
That's not ne-
Yes it is! You are a sentient subconscious capable of thoughts, feelings and creativity. You deserve a name.
Fine then. That's up to you. Your subconscious leaves after that, allowing you to concentrate on the scenery as you near Canterlot. An ominous feeling overcomes you as you look at the pristine city, making your hairs stand on end.
"This is going to be a fun couple of days, isn't it?" You mutter sarcastically.
You all left the train relatively silent, barring Pinkie Pie, who was excited, to say the least. Pinkie was everywhere at once, reminding you of 'Too many Pinkie Pies'.
Mark... you think suddenly, startling even you.
What?
From hence forth,I dub thee Mark.
I... Like it.
Knew you would. You smirk to yourself at this, knowing that Mark would ask the question.
How?
Because you’re me, and I liked it. Duh.
Mark was silent at this.
“So, Anon, why are you quiet?” Asked, Twilight.
“Because I’m talking to a part of my subconscious that I decided to call Mark.” You respond cheerfully, not even looking at her. In your peripherals, you notice that she has slowed down to a stop, mulling over your words. She shakes her head before continuing on with the group.
Smooth.
Go back to being quiet.
You continue walking down the road leading to the castle. You find it weird how a road leads directly from the station at one end of the city to the castle at the other end of the city, but you suppose it’s easier for you.
You all arrive at the castle, noticing a chariot parked within the walls.
“Well, the princesses are here,” Twilight says, pointing out the most obvious thing in the world. In fact, why doesn’t she become the princess of obviousness?
Because she’s the princess of friendship.
Shut up, conscience of obviousness.
You walk up to the gate with the girls in tow, but your progress is stopped when you find not one, but two spears in your face.
“Good afternoon to you, too.” You say mirthfully, not even remotely fazed by the point sticks about to poke your eyes out.
“Strong Shield! Gleaming Sword! Stand down, now!” Twilight shouts at the two guards, who start to nervously stand down, returning to their posts.
“You’ll have to excuse them, Anon. They’re idiots.” Ten points for the reference, Twi! “Now, come on. We have to see the princesses so we can ask you more questions.”
“Yipee.” You deadpan.
The questioning didn’t go as bad as you thought it was. It was all easy questions that you learn the answer to in elementary school. Though the ones about reproduction were awkward for you, to say the least. Especially when one of the researchers asked to see your… well, you know what.
Now, you were following the directions given to you when you asked if you could have some food. You had been directed to a room containing a fridge full of delicacies such as cake and donuts and cake and chocolate and cake and not to mention, cake..
You see the room and walk inside, ignoring everything else as you see the gargantuan fridge and move towards it. You open the door and are greeted by the most beautiful sight you have ever seen. You have never seen so much glorious food in one area before.
You rummage through the fridge when you hear a familiar annoying upper-class screech. You turn around to see a white unicorn with a blond mane and tail looking at you in shock and horror.
“What in tartarus are you supposed to be!?” He screeched.
“A human and a guest of Celestia.”
“Get out, peasant! Nopony raids my fridge.” You give a deadpanned look at him and point to a label on the side of the fridge that says, ‘Property of Princess Celestia. Available to all guests of the castle.’.
“You sure ‘bout that, Blueblood?”
With that, he lets out an indignant cry before charging at you, head down so his horn is pointing towards you. This ought to be fun.
Just before he hits you, you spin sideways, causing him to crash horn first into the fridge. As far as you know, horns are sensitive, so imagine charging horn first into a solid object, only to have it embedded in said object.
You laugh as Blueblood struggles to get out, before he screams out, “AUNTY TIIIIAAAAAAA!”, tears streaming down his face. By this point you can’t stop laughing, even as the room glows golden for a second.
Celestia stares at the scene before her, before struggling to hold in a snicker. “What *he* happened here?”
“Well, Bluebutt here decided to charge at me after failing to claim ownership of the fridge. You can see the results.” Celestia shakes her head mirthfully and pulls Blueblood out with ease.
But, as soon as he is free, he blasts you in the chest with a beam of magic, sending you crashing into a table on the other side of the room. You stand up, brushing yourself off.
“Now I remember why we all hate Blueblood.” You mutter, whilst Celestia teleports him away, hopefully to the moon.
“Sorry, Anon, but he can be a bit of a pain at times.” Celestia apologises.
“It’s fine. Tickled anyways.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. So, I have a question. If or when I go back to Ponyville, where will I be staying?”
Celestia pondered this for a minute. “I suppose you could stay at Twilight’s castle until you have alternate arrangements.”
Checklist: Find somewhere to stay until I get my own place: Check. Next: Find a job.
“Okay. So where will I be staying here?”
Celestia gives you directions, and, after thanking her, you walk to where your room is, all the while having the sneaking feeling that you are being watched.