> The Siege of Castle Harmony
>  by AJ Aficionado
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Horseshoes and Catapults
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


The Assault on Castle Harmony



by AJ Aficionado



*****


It hasn’t been a great year for Ponyville. 

I’ll admit, it rarely is what with stampedes, invasions, and all manner of magical mayhem directed at our little town. This year, however, was the absolute worst: having harmony — the very essence of my being — ripped from my body while I lay immobile in the street, painfully aware of the passage of time.  I still have nightmares about the day Tirek attacked, how we were helpless against him. About the tangle of depleted bodies lying in the street, and left to rot, only spared a slow death by the efforts of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Most of the ponies fell unconscious and don’t remember anything. I was not so lucky...

Why is it that we ponies find such difficulty in maintaining harmony when our very biology leads us to it? It’s one of the great ironies of our civilization that despite our efforts to seek order, we reap chaos. Yet when the inverse is applied, chaos to bring order, we dismiss the efforts as a “necessary evil.” Is my garden hoe a necessary evil as well, because the ground must yield to my will? I wish we could do away with that phrase altogether; there is evil, and there is what is necessary to survive in spite of that evil. 

For example, I was aiding my sister, Golden Harvest — nicknamed “Carrot Top”  — in the necessary task of storing up food for the early onset of winter. I could have been out making friends, or assisting them with their work, and yet nopony calls what I’d done evil. I’ve tried explaining this to others, and the blank stare I’d get back was a good indication my sentiments weren’t shared. 

“Linky, we call it evil because no one should desire a state of chaos,” My Dad had told me, calling me by my nickname. ”Should ponies ever get used to chaos, we might begin to desire such a state. We would be little better than Maregolians!”

I don’t consider this a bad thing in a lot of ways. Maregolians knew how to defend themselves, unlike us. Just this year we’ve been attacked by a creature who somehow escaped tartarus, and were invaded by the Everfree Forest itself. Perhaps if we enjoyed war — or its euphemism, “chaos” — a bit more, we might not be so bad at it. At the very least, we could learn a lesson or two from the Maregolians, and learn the value of ranged attacks. 

Doing anything at this point is preferable. I thought to myself, looking out at the ponies walking past my house in Ponyville. We’d harvested, canned food, and otherwise wrapped up winter preparations at the Ponyville Carrot Farm. With nothing left to do, Carrot Top and I were left to our own devices.

I figured I’d go see what Cherry Berry was up to after brushing my mane. Retrieving my brush from the top of my dresser, I went to work on my periwinkle locks, cursing my ancestors for making them so curly. I may be a magnificent creature, but I shouldn’t have to pay for it with so much root damage. The worst of it out of the way, I moved onto my light-blue coat. Have I mentioned how amazing I look? I don’t mean to overstate this, but I am not only one of the hottest mares in town, root damage or no. Fifteen minutes later, I declared myself presentable to the public.

“Celestia, I totally would,” I said aloud, standing in front of my full body mirror and gazing at the reflection of my fandango-colored eyes. As I ran one hoof down my barrel and over my right flank and two horseshoe-cutie mark — one gold, and one blue — Carrot Top chose that moment to walk inside.

“You two should really close the door before you get it on,” she snarked. 

I stuck my tongue out at her. ”Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, little sis. It’s not my fault ponies find me irresistible. And just because I can have any stallion or mare I want doesn’t mean I’d let my little sister go without.” 

Carrot Top rolled her eyes. “Your ‘little sister’ appreciates the courtesy, but has more than enough assets of her own to offer a lady,” said sibling replied, punctuating her remark by giving a sensuous toss of her thick and curly orange mane. 

She deserves a lot of credit for keeping that mess of curls in line. I happen to know for a fact it takes her an hour of brushing to achieve that look, but credit still. She’s a real cutie herself with her carrot orange mane and tail, pale goldenrod coat, and green eyes. “Touché,” I conceded, dropping back down on all fours to address her properly. ”So what’s taking you so long anyway? There’s no shortage of mares in this town.”

“I’m working on it,” she replied cryptically. “That’s not why I’m here though, we just got the pegasi weather schedule, and they’re creating their first winter storm already. A huge one, at least eighteen inches due in tomorrow.” 

“Three weeks before winter?” I asked. “What’s the big rush anyway? Did Cloudsdale create too much snow or something?” 

“Actually they did,” she replied matter-of-factly, “and they hate to waste any of it. Equestria is in for another bad one.”

There’s really only one thing you can do when confronted with an early winter after a bad year: pick some snow off the ground, ball it up with your hooves, and throw it at somepony. It’s the least any of us could do to remind ourselves that we’re still alive. “Splendid! I’m heading to Cherry Berry’s to see if she’s ready for winter fun times, maybe help her build another catapult. I’m looking to expand our operation this year, and bring in some new fighters. You want to come along?”

“Actually, I should go ask Lily if she wants to join our crew,” she said. “I can’t imagine she’ll have much to do this winter, and she needs to get out and mingle.” 

“Ah. Your latest project I take it?” I joked.

“She’s not a project, Linky. She’s a friend!” she snapped, stomping a hoof down hard. 

I stepped back, wondering if maybe I’d gone too far. “Whoa, nellie! I was just kidding, don’t hit me!” 

She looked dazed for a moment, surprised at her own reaction, and smiled nervously. ”Heh, guess I got a little carried away. I just think she could stand to get a bit of fresh air. She’s really shy, and doesn’t leave the house much.”

I decided to let my sister enjoy her denial for a bit longer; it was her battle anyway. “It’s okay, Carrot Top. Here’s an idea though: while you’re over there, see if you can get Rose and Daisy on board too. The more the merrier.”

“Right-o, Guv’nuh!” Carrot Top said and extended her hoof for a bump. 

“Pip pip and tally-ho to you too mate,” I replied, completing the friendly gesture.


*****


Armed with my trusty blowtorch secured safely inside my saddlebag and with the rest of the day to kill; I headed over to Cherry Berry’s house located southwest of Ponyville near the Ghastly Gorge/Whitetail Split, all the way across town. Carrot Top, meanwhile, had only to walk a quarter of a mile northeast over to Ponyville’s Flower Shop along the Ponyville-Canterlot Trotway. “Why walk when I can gallop? I need the exercise anyway,” I thought, bolting off down the road, fully intending to make the trip without slowing down.

The trip through Ponyville was uneventful, to say the least. No disasters, no stampedes, not even a dance number. There’s really nothing that can wreck a schedule quite like a dance number from Pinkie, or any of the other ponies in Ponyville. One minute you’re on the way to work, and the next you’re singing along with the rest of the town. It’s even a valid tardy excuse at the carrot farm. Thankfully, I’m not on a schedule today, and Pinkie Pie is at work. 

Nearing the fork in the road, my lungs ready to burst from the cold air cutting through them; I slowed to a leisurely canter. I made a mental note to run every day after that, realizing my filly days were long past. In the distance, the slightly rusted facade of Cherry Berry’s house/workshop came into view. 

Even at a distance, Cherry Berry’s Shop stuck out amongst the bucolic setting: an “L” shaped, all-metal, flat-roofed structure, divided into living quarters and machine shop. A large, fold-up hangar door where the machine shop was located, faced the road. I noted with some interest the door was partially open. 

I walked up to the hangar and slipped under the door. No need to be shy when my best friend is involved. 

Setting down my saddlebag, I noticed her pink and purple pedal-copter resting on the hangar floor. It’s always been a curiosity for me to see Cherry Berry, the complete antithesis of all things adorable and precious, design the most saccharin and girlie looking piece of machinery ever witnessed by ponykind. The fuselage was shaped like a cherry — after her cutie mark — with the stem connected to a heart-shaped tail rotor with a pastel blue-and-yellow flower decal. Even the entry ports were shaped like a heart. I’ve known Cherry Berry ever since my first day of school. And yet, looking upon the monument to fillydom she designed and built herself, I’m reminded that there’s still more to discover.

The sound of hoof clops caught my attention as she jumped down from inside the cockpit onto the concrete floor. 

Taking note of my saddlebag on the floor behind me, the hot pink-coated mare smiled, brushed her messy blonde mane away from her face with one hoof and fixed me with her beautiful purple eyes. “I really hope you didn’t come all this way just so you could build some more catapults. Is that all your best friend is good for anymore? Spare parts and labor?” she teased.

I slowly moved forward to close the gap, speaking in my sultriest voice. “Don’t be silly, Cherry. You’re also a great kisser.” 

“Years of practice does wonders for a mare,” she replied casually, closing the remaining distance between us until our muzzles nearly touched. “So what are you here for Linky?, Business or pleasure?” 

“Why not both?” I asked running one hoof down the crest of her golden mane and drew her into a slow, practiced kiss. 

We’ve been doing this for over sixteen years, and every instance it’s meant something special to us both. We’ve been through countless heat cycles together and kept each other going through droughts between stallions. We never talk about it with others, but we suspect a lot of mares are doing the same thing we’re doing to get by. How could it be otherwise with such a disproportionate ratio of mares to stallions?

This encounter was no less special than the last, and after an affectionate nuzzle, I gestured toward the flying machine. “Need a hoof with that?”

“That’s very sweet, Linky, but she’s all fixed up. I was just re-attaching the drive chain when you walked in.” Cherry Berry pointed at the long length of heavy-duty bike chain that ran up a column behind the pilot’s seat and connected the pedals to the two rotors. A wheel extended out to within reach of her forehooves to allow her to steer. It was an ingenious feat of engineering, though it was doubtful a non-earth pony would possess the endurance to keep it in the sky for very long. “I added an arcane gem booster to assist during take-off and slow my descent in the event of a mechanical failure. Come take a look!” 

I climbed up inside of the pedal-copter and noticed the long, rod-shaped blue gem. It was stuck inside what looked like a gearbox in a forward-neutral-reverse configuration. I stopped for a moment to appreciate the fact that nearly this entire aircraft had been forged from scrap metal and labor. No doubt the gemstone system she was employing used copper wires as well. Cherry Berry may be one of the greatest minds of our time, and yet this beautiful and talented mare is stuck working in a scrapyard. 

“Thank the goddesses you’ve finally installed a safety feature in this thing Cherry, I don’t know what I’d do if your love for the sky finally did you in.” 

“Linky, are you saying you’d die an old nag without me? How sweet!” She brought her hoof to her head in a dramatic fashion I’d sworn I’d seen somepony use before. “Let's get married now while there is still time!” 

That mare can really overdo it on the hyperbole. “Let's not call the caterers just yet, Fruity Booty; I’m sure we both have a few good years left.” 

Cherry’s expression darkened momentarily, but just as soon as I’d noticed it, she was her old self again. “Don’t worry about it, Linky. Besides, I’d hate to have to dress up for all that nonsense anyway.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to brush your mane for once,” I observed.

“What can I say? I prefer the au naturel look.” She ran her hoof through her mane. “It’s always worked on you anyway,” she added with a seductive whisper in my ear, which she gave a gentle nibble.

The stirring in my loins was confirmation of that. “Point taken.”  

We started to kiss again when Cherry’s head bumped the roof of the aircraft. “Ouch! Not the best place for this huh?” She winced and rubbed her head.

I nodded.

We both jumped out of the flying machine and started to walk around her hangar. She had all manner of equipment jammed inside of the long, metal building. Her pedal-copter took up the center of the room, along with a jack to let her pull it out of the hangar before takeoff. On the left wall of the hangar she kept spare parts and other bits of scrap, along with a barrel of industrial lubricant, in case she needed help to fit them in. The right wall contained most of her unicorn-manufactured machine tools: a drill press, diamond-tipped table saw, tool chest with all of her various ratchets and widgets and who knows what else. The back wall contained jars of paint, cleaners, and wood stain, all clearly labeled and organized on shelves.

“You must be pretty excited about the snowstorm, eh?” Cherry Berry asked.

“Just picture it, Cherry; everypony in town lining up to get a chance to blast each other with snow fired from an ancient, medieval siege weapon. “How amazing is that?” I squealed gleefully.

“Linky, you’re the only pony I’ve ever heard of who dreams of returning to the age of catapults.” Cherry replied with a sardonic grin. “So… before we declare war on Equestria and force all of the stallions to plow our fields, where do we start?” She can be a sarcastic little pony sometimes.

“I was thinking of challenging our dear friend Sea Swirl and her gang to a duel. I want to test out Genghis Hoof’s ‘unicorn turret hypothesis’.” 

“That sounds ludicrous and mildly racist, but go on!” Cherry snarked.

“Well the premise is that unicorns evolved to be defense-minded from reliance on their horn magic to the point of relying on fixed positions, even when a suitable line of attack is presented,” I explained calmly, ignoring her jab at the great warrior’s teachings. “A lot of this is in our nature as ponies: we don’t fight unless provoked, and have never fought an aggressive war. The addition of horn magic that works best at range exaggerates our own passive nature into a tactical weakness.”

“I guess that isn’t too far-fetched,” Cherry reasoned. ”How is this a tactical weakness though? It seems like an intelligent use for an attribute.” 

“Being a turret is a wonderful thing against a slow-moving enemy from a fortified position,” I explained, “but outside of fortifications, they are vulnerable to the maneuvers of a bold and decisive attacker. Even within a defensive position, they can be corralled inside of it, and taken by siege or simply starved out.”

“Like Genghis Hoof right?” she asked rhetorically.

“Exactly. With some help from Carrot Top’s friends, I think we’ll have enough for an all-Earth Pony squad to demonstrate the Maregolian Overmare’s teachings without anypony having to die,” I said optimistically, counting on Carrot Top to come through for me.

“Are you not merciful? And what words of wisdom does she have regarding the Pegasi and their ability to fly over our heads and bomb us into oblivion?” Cherry asked, giving me a good-natured poke in the side.

“Find concealment and pray for a swift death,” I admitted sadly. “Genghis Hoof never did figure out a way to combat an aerial foe. The Griffons made quick work of the Maregolian hordes in the western theater of war, and slowly pushed them back. Attacking from cover is probably your best bet. Then there’s asking your friend at the junkyard to build you a pedal-copter, but Genghis wasn’t lucky enough to have one of those.”

“You’re too sweet Linky! She smiled and nuzzled me again. “It feels good to know my trash is appreciated.”

“Nothing you make is trash, Cherry. Speaking of trash, do you have an old cart lying around that you don’t need?” I asked.

“Everything we need should be out back Linky. Let's see if we can get this one built in less then eight hours shall we? We have important business to attend to —” she gave my ear a quick nibble “—  inside!”

We ended up building it in less than six. Motivation does wonders for the mind, and Cherry Berry does quite wonderful things for the body. After settling on another simple all-wood mane-gonel designed catapult,  I did the easy work of hammering the joints while she handled the restraining rope, pulleys, and torsion bundle. I wanted to weld a spiky steel grill to the front of it, but Cherry assured me there was no way I was getting laid if she had to waste time fortifying a piece of equipment intended to launch snowballs. We settled on painting it blue and green, with the earth pony motto — fortitudo de terra — painted in black against a brown background along the beam holding the bucket.

With the business of war attended to and most of the day over, Cherry let me stay for dinner. And dessert too, of course, which we enjoyed in her room.

It was nightfall before I set out from Cherry’s place, towing my crude and lovely piece of artillery behind me. “I never did get to use my blowtorch,” I groused to no one in particular. High above me, the pegasi were already hard at work piling up the clouds; the snow was already beginning to fall, illuminated by the light of the full moon. Cherry wanted me to stay and keep her warm for the night, but I already felt my hooves begin to slip on the frozen precipitation walking uphill. I couldn’t imagine this walk being any easier in the morning. Finally making it home, I collapsed on top of my bed, burrowed under my covers and didn’t move again until daylight.


*****


It was a slow start that morning. The Pegasi had been as bad as their word, and Ponyville was buried up to its knees in snow. When the sun finally crept out from behind the cloud cover of the previous night’s storm, the glow of pale-white light shined rudely through my window, and into my eyes. I got out of bed shivering, and staggered half-asleep toward the smell of coffee. 

Not only was Carrot Top awake and preparing breakfast, but she’d already bathed and brushed! I’ll never understand early-risers. 

“Top-o-the-mornin’ to you Linky! That’s a nice catapult you got there,” said Carrot Top.

“Garçon, coffee!” I demanded, rubbing the sleep from my eyes before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

Carrot Top brought over a cup and placed in front of me, “Garçon means ‘boy’,” she replied, gently patting my head.

“I knew that,” I grumbled, feeling now stupid as well as tired. I took a gulp from the steaming mug, and within seconds I felt like I could walk through walls. That was some powerful stuff! “So how did things go with the Flower Trio yesterday?”

“Excellent, all three of them are looking forward to having something to do this winter. Lily was a bit reluctant, but with a bit of patience I was able to win her over.” Carrot Top said, pouring some batter onto the griddle to make pancakes.

I thought about asking her if patience involved a good rutting, but the loss of pancakes in exchange for embarrassing my sister was too great a price. Also, she can hit pretty hard for such a sweet-natured pony. “I hope she holds out once the snow starts flying, Sea Swirl doesn’t pull any punches, and neither does her gang.”  

“I’m sure she’ll be fine. She just needs a firm hoof to guide her.” She replied before carefully flipping the pancakes.

Okay, she’s doing this on purpose now. All the filthy humor in Equestria, and I can’t put any of it to good use. Curse you delicious pancakes! 

“So how’s Cherry Berry doing? Keeping out of the hospital I hope.” Carrot Top scooped up a stack and deposited them onto a nearby plate.

“She’s doing great.” I replied remembering at that moment to go get the butter and syrup. “She designed her own emergency landing system with the help of arcane technology.” I placed the butter and syrup onto the table and sat back down. “Can you imagine if we were able to develop our own source of energy? Cherry would be able to create machines without having to resort to magic at all.”

Carrot Top shrugged,”I guess that could be useful. Why not just use the magic we already have though?”

An image flashed through my mind of ponies lying defenseless in the street, too weak to even cry out for help. “I guess you’re right,” I lied, wiping tears from my eyes. 

“You alright there sis?” Carrot Top looked down on me from above her plate of pancakes. 

“Yeah, just still a little sleepy is all. I was thinking, since you took care of breakfast, I’d dig out the yard so we can get out of here.” I figured a quick change of discussion would get me out of trouble.

“Thanks, Linky. Do you need any help?”

“Nah I got it.” I gave her my best attempt at a winning smile and spent the rest of breakfast in silence.

By the time I finished shoveling the walkway, I was more than ready for a hot bath. Finding my towel and everything ready to go when i got in — thanks to Carrot Top — I got to work on cleaning myself up. I had the opportunity to bathe back at Cherry’s, but another one couldn’t hurt after the long walk home.

Toweling off, I stood in front of the mirror once more and gave my mane a once-over; a much easier job when it’s still wet. “Would you rut me, mirror me? I’d rut me. Rut me so hard. I bet you dream about me when I’m away don’t you? I bet you wait for me to drop my brush so you can take a look at what you can’t have.” I turned away from the mirror kneeling my forehooves and shifted my tail to the side to show what my mother gave me. “Are you happy now, mirror me?”

“Oh for the love of Celestia’s solar mareheat, Linky!” Carrot Top called to me through the door. “You’re going to make me throw up!”

“Sorry! Uh, leaving now!” I bolted from the bathroom, got dressed for the weather, and went outside, my cheeks hot enough to melt any snow that came in contact.


*****


The roads were mercifully clear by the time I got done bathing, and traffic was moving again. It was time to show Sea Swirl  and her magic-using friends what these hooves can do. I saw her and three of her friends in their usual haunt, near the west bank of Saddle Lake, using their levitation to hurl snowballs at each other. 

I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I got there. I’ve challenged plenty of earth pony teams — a common sight on the southside of Ponyville — and I’ve seen seen unicorns go snowballing with earth ponies, but never challenged an all-unicorn team. Part of it is politics as conflict amongst the races is seen as distasteful, but a lot of is just timidness on our part. They have the magic and we don’t. Not this year, I’ve had enough! I’ve seen a mare build a flying machine, so I know we can fly. I’ve seen a stallion so powerful, he ripped a house of its foundation, so I know we have magic. We are good enough, and we’ve earned this.

Trudging closer through the deep snow, I could make out the four of them clearly: Sea Swirl, with her lilac coat and two-toned iris/glaucous mane and tail; Twinkleshine, with her her ivory coat and pink mane and tail; Sparkler, with her pink coat and two-toned violet/lavender mane and tail; and Minuette, with her Maya blue coat and periwinkle/blue mane and tail. 

“Hey, Linky! Did you come here to play with us?” said Twinkleshine. The other three waved.

She’s such a sweetheart. I suppose that’s to be expected with a name like that. “Actually, Twinkle, I was thinking about trying something a little different this year. I’m putting together a crew of earth ponies, and we wish to challenge your group to a battle on this field.” 

Sparkler and Sea Swirl looked at each other in stunned silence. Minuette gave a nervous smile and started absentmindedly smoothing out her mane. Twinkleshine, who lacked any sort of emotional filter whatsoever just looked at me like I was sentenced to be banished to the surface of the sun.

Sea Swirl walked over to me slowly, and put what was surely intended to be a comforting hoof on my shoulder. “Linky, I’m sure you girls are great, but we’re used to using our horns to throw. I — I really don’t think it would be fair…”

“Nonsense!” I exclaimed, putting a hoof around her shoulder in turn, ”We feel the terms for a battle are more than fair: we have our strength and good looks, and you have your horns.”

Sparkler rolled her eyes, clearly unconvinced. “You’re not going to propose any restrictions on our magic? Not a single one?” 

“Well, we would appreciate it if you didn’t using any homing shots, but we won’t hold it against you if you slip up and use one or two,” I replied.

The mares all glanced at each other, quickly reaching the same conclusion. “This has to be a trick Linky. What are you planning anyway?” Sea Swirl asked, pointing an accusing hoof at me.

“The only thing we are planning to do is to use our hooves to the fullest, and win if we’re able,” I said plainly, wondering if they would pick up the hint. 

The four of them talked amongst themselves for a moment, nodded and Sea Swirl addressed me once more. “We agree to your terms. As a gesture of goodwill, we will also refrain from using homing shots. Be warned, our goodwill will go no further, and we won’t hold back! We will meet on this field in two days at one o’clock.”

“I expect no less than your best effort,  Sea Swirl. Good luck,” I said and took a bow.

The four of them walked off and resumed their play. I looked over the battlefield and — not surprisingly — I noticed conjured pillars of ice sticking out of the ground. On either side, a trench and a target that needed to be struck to end the fight. The pillars were large enough around to shield a pony from a frontal attack, and staggered to slow down a charge. A set of defenses that would give the most dedicated attacker pause. 

Unless those attackers were crazy enough to ride on each other’s backs...
> The Battle of Saddle Lake
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time in Maregolia, the nomadic earth pony tribes of the Neighsiatic Steppe were in a state of near-constant war. 

With harsh winters in the north and arid deserts in the south making permanent settlements in those regions impossible, food could only be obtained from the more fertile and temperate central part of the territory, and no tribe could utterly dominate it. Stallions were especially prized for their superior strength and were often captured and used as slaves on the arable land which existed. 

Genghis Hoof, leader of the Maregol tribe, found a new use for them as mounts. Armed with sturdy, foreleg-mounted crossbows, the Maregol mares rode on the backs of captured stallions to victory after victory. The rapidly swelling armies of the Overmare would eventually unite the entire territory and threaten to conquer the entire East Continent. 

The secret to the Overmare’s success was not only a matter of sheer numbers but the instinctive tendency of the defending armies to hesitate to harm stallions. The sight of the defender’s source of future generations riding into battle against them crushed the souls of many a foe without a single shot in anger. 

Despite the desperate conditions under which the tribes had lived, and the peace and prosperity that followed in the conquered lands, she would be widely considered a villain. She built up the largest empire in the history of Terra, and yet nopony sings her praise. 

While neither I, nor any other Equestrian would ever wish to return to such a dark time; I can’t help but honor her memory for the ingenuity she displayed, and her absolute determination to succeed in the face of all odds. 


*****


Such a pity they decided not to use homing shots, I thought; knowing full well that unless your name begins with, “Twilight” and ends with “Sparkle,” you’d be useless trying to focus while your enemy charges at you. 

“Alright ladies, it’s on!” I announced. “One o’clock Tuesday. They’re already planning their victory parade through Ponyville, and it would be a shame to let them go through with it.”

“What’s the plan General Linky? Sneak up and put socks over their horns while they’re sleeping?” asked Cherry Berry with a smirk.

I had a brief mental image of myself asking Twinkleshine to put a sock on her horn just before the battle. She’d probably do it too, just to be polite. I sighed. It would be a shame to cover up such a fine specimen of unicorn beauty, I thought to myself, before blocking that line of thought from going further. Where in Tartarus did that come from? 

“Um, actually I was thinking I could ride on your back Cherry. Perhaps your friend, Lily, could ride on your back as well Carrot Top? You two are the strongest mares I know,” I gestured towards the carrot wagon outside. “We can use baskets to carry finished snowballs, allowing us to attack without stopping to pick up snow.”

“Sure, that could work. Lily is shorter than me, though it may take her awhile to warm on the idea of being the center of attention on a battlefield,” Carrot Top opined. “Not to mention riding atop another pony’s back.”

Cherry Berry gave a low whistle. “Color me impressed, Linky! That’s a pretty clever way of getting around their advantage in rate of fire. It will also make us more difficult to hit.”

“Exactly!” I exclaimed, clopping my forehooves together for emphasis. “But wait, it gets better! Since the riders will command so much of the hostile attention on the battlefield, our catapult can be brought up without attracting undue attention. I was thinking a two-pony crew: one to carry the huge snowballs in a cart and fire the catapult, and one to haul the catapult itself, and defend the catapult in case of a sneak attack.”

“Why can’t you just think about farming like the rest of us Linky?” Carrot Top said making a face. 

“Hey, Carrot Top, give your sister a break! It’s a good plan. Well, it is if they can’t watch our maneuvers in the backfield,” Cherry Berry said thoughtfully.

“I got that covered too. Their center of the battlefield is lined with snow pillars to obscure the attacker's vision on both sides; this will cover the approach of the catapult, and allow us to rush the center. Once the center is taken, the catapult will be employed to fire at the target behind their trench, and end the battle,” I explained.

“Hang on, Linky, won’t the unicorns just position themselves behind the pillars and blast us while we run past?” asked Carrot Top, finally getting into the spirit of the discussion.

I considered the implications of what she said for a moment. It would be a good tactic if they knew what was coming, but they didn’t. Still, it’s never a good idea to plan on your enemy being dumb, especially not an enemy that has been training for years. The diagram in my head displayed another potential pitfall in my strategy: the threat of a crossfire after we cleared the midfield obstacles. Then it all came together…

I looked around the living room for some paper and one of those awesome, enchanted ink pens that eliminates the need for inkwells. Finally producing both I took the pen in my mouth and sketched out the battlefield with arrows pointing at the halfway points of the long-end of the rectangle. “Not if we hit their flanks,” I said after spitting the pen out. “Each rider will only have to face one direction, and anypony hiding behind a pillar will be struck and called out as the rider passes by. Once the riders reach the clearing, any defenders will have to fall back onto open ground where we can finish them off!” 

“That’s my Linky: always keeping her mind on the flank,” said Cherry Berry who — having snuck away — picked up a pillow from the sofa with her teeth, and gave me a solid smack on the rump with it.

I expected Carrot Top to scold us for the horseplay, but she just gave me a weird sort of smile and headed for the door. “I’ll just be heading to the carrot farm by myself then unless you two can contain yourselves enough to join me?”

Cherry and I looked at each for a second, worried. Surely she doesn’t know what we’ve been doing? We both made it an art of keeping our fun times a secret and had nearly two decades of experience. Would she think less of us for it? Certainly not, but the thought of her knowing really bothered me for some reason like she was invading on an intimate detail of both of our lives.

“Alright then, Carrothead, lead the way,” I smirked. I took the catapult and left Cherry and Carrot Top to handle the cart with all our supplies. My plan sounded good in my own head, but it relied on training, so train we would. I just hoped the Flower Trio displayed some hidden talent for warfare that nopony has ever known about.


*****


The trio hadn’t arrived yet when we made it to the farm. While waiting, we unpacked and got to work setting up our own training grounds. We didn’t have the magic to form the pillars of ice, but we made do by stacking up larger snowballs. Cherry Berry and I planned to build a saddle for the battle itself, but for now, we settled on an old blanket tied to her back to keep me in place. Next, we attached the baskets for carrying the snowballs to a specially modified saddlebag on each end. I could attack with both hooves if I wanted to! Cherry easily held not only my own weight but the snowball load with little strain. Given Carrot Top’s hardiness, she would certainly have no problem at all doing the same. 

“Enjoying being on top for once Linky?” Cherry Berry quipped, out of earshot of Carrot Top. We wouldn’t be making our earlier mistake twice.

“I am, Cherry. I also know you’re going to make me pay for it later,” I replied, running my hoof through her soft, yellow mane, feeling an odd desire all of a sudden to brush it. She trotted across the length of the field, my blanket easily keeping me held in place. I reached down and picked up a snowball and hurled it at a nearby tree, scoring a bullseye on its narrow trunk. I would have no trouble whatsoever launching one snowball per second with precision, devastating any massed ground forces in my path. 

About an hour after we had arrived, the Flower Trio made their appearance: Roseluck, the most eligible mare in the neighborhood, with pale yellow coat, raspberry mane with light raspberry streaks and chartreuse green eyes; Daisy, who I’ve seen around town but never spoken to, with pale magenta coat, lime mane, and emerald green eyes; and Lily Valley, Carrot Top’s marefriend in training no doubt, with grayish raspberry coat, light amber mane with pale amber highlights, and grayish gold eyes. I also noted that — winter or no — she wore lily blossoms behind her ears. I also couldn’t help but notice she was pretty darn cute; as I watched her eyes take in the snow-covered field like it was the first snow-covered field she had ever seen.

“Ah! The new recruits. Come, drink in the glory of battle!” I exclaimed.

“My sister means to say, ‘welcome’,” said Carrot Top, who looked at me and rolled her eyes. Turning to Lily Valley, her expression softened. “Lily, I’m so glad you could make it!” 

Lily smiled bashfully and walked up next to her. “Thanks for inviting me over Carrot Top. I’m Lily Valley, it’s nice to meet you all!” Lily looked up at her friend and received an affectionate nuzzle in return. 

“The name’s Roseluck. I am disappointed by the lack of stallions, but am nonetheless glad to be here among such fine company,” she said, bowing her head and ears respectfully.

“My name is Daisy, but ya’ll already knew that,” said Daisy who reached for saddlebag and pulled out a bag of cereal which she began munching on. “Oh. Where are my manners! Does anypony —” 

“Nope!” we all replied in unison.

“Oh, well — suit yourself then!” she replied, thoroughly nonplussed. 

“Lily, we could really use another pony to ride on my back. I know it’s asking a lot since you’ll be the one being attacked the most, but you are the shortest mare here, and it would really mean a lot to us,” Carrot Top said sweetly.

Oh, Celestia, she’s got it baaaaaaad, I thought to myself, grinning. At least I could be assured of a hefty discount on flowers when the time came.

“Yeah, we were just wondering about that —” said Roseluck, gesturing towards myself and Cherry.

Lily Valley cut in, “If I’m seen riding one of you, I’ll be worried about more than being attacked by snowballs! Do you realize what this looks like?” she all but cringed.

“Oh, Lily! It’s nothing to worry about; we’re all friends here. Just give it a try!” Carrot Top said, with the same honeyed tones, laying down in the snow to let her climb on. She looked into Lily’s eyes with confidence and slowly wore down her inhibitions by sheer force of will.

The time spent on her mane and coat probably helped too. Well played, sister. 

Lily’s ears drooped, and she looked around as if expecting a manticore attack at any moment. Slowly, as Carrot Top’s gaze began to work her over, she crept over to Carrot Top.

“Stand over the top of me Lily, I’ll pick you up. We’ll practice with a few laps before we start you throwing snowballs. Just sit on top of the blanket, and you won’t fall off. Trust me!” Carrot Top continued.

Lily Valley stood over her friend and finally mounted her.

“Our little Lily is finally growing up!” Daisy gushed. ”Oh, they’ll make such beautiful foals!”

Lily’s cheeks went bright red. “You —!” she barely managed to say.

“No time for that Lily, hang on!” shouted Carrot Top before taking off like a shot. She gave out a whoop and Lily gave out a loud scream as she clung to my sister’s middle for dear life; Roseluck and Daisy laughing fit to burst.

“Okay, you two, you’ve had your fun! Time to make yourself useful.” I said, pointing towards the catapult. “Time to teach you, ladies, how to take the castle!” We started walking towards the newly crafted siege engine, ”Not that you need any help in that eh, Roseluck?”

“Jealous?” she asked with a wink and a smile.

“Not at all, friend! I see plenty of action,” I said proudly.

“And yet we’ve never met your stallion. Don’t tell me, he lives in Vanhoover?” joked Roseluck.

Beneath me, I could sense Cherry Berry was silently cursing me for even bringing up the subject. I got this one Cherry, I thought to myself, gently patting her side.

“Why stick with stallions? There’s an entire world out there just waiting for their chance with me,” I parried, running a hoof through the mane to make my point.

“Been waiting awhile haven’t they?” Daisy snarked. “But what does your mount think about all of this, Linky?”

Cherry Berry replied with a loud snort. 

Time to resolve this quickly before Cherry Berry throws me into a snowbank, I thought to myself. “Actually —”

“She thinks you’d best worry more about the unicorn action we’ll be getting, then the bedroom action any of us are getting,” Cherry answered for me, somewhat heatedly. 

I felt my face get hot at the mention of unicorn action but was glad that at least we were back on the subject of fighting, a subject I am intimately familiar with. “She’s right you two. You’ll both have a very important job: ending the fight by striking a target defended by a snow trench.”

“How does any of this snowball stuff work anyway? Aren’t we just throwing snow at each other until we tire out?” Daisy asked.

“Don’t tell me Carrot Top didn’t explain the rules to you while she was over at your house!” I was going to have to ask that mare about what in the nine circles the four of them had been doing all of yesterday, while I was building a catapult and getting lucky, not necessarily in that order.

“To be honest, we didn’t see that much of her, we were…” Daisy started to say.

“...Indisposed,” Roseluck added quickly. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you bring us up to speed then?”

Quite the turnabout we had. Now I knew how to avoid any further inquiries into my love life from the likes of them. “Well the idea is the same as dodgeball: strike other ponies with snowballs to take them out of the game. The difference is the ultimate objective: to overrun a heavily defended trench and strike the target beyond it with a snowball or even a hoof to win the game. The catapult serves to scatter the defender, break down her wall, or even win the game by striking the target itself.”

“What happens if we get taken out, and the opponent captures our catapult? Wouldn’t they be able to turn it on us with their magic?” Roseluck asked.

I made a cocky grin and flexed one of my forehooves. “Not without earth pony strength they couldn’t! Unicorn telekinesis could be focused to load and fire a single shot but doesn’t have the brute force to torque the bucket into place. It’s complicated to explain, but unicorn magic is best suited for delicate manipulation. Pegasi wouldn’t stand a chance of launching it unless they summoned a tornado or something…” 

“Did you really build this thing yourself?” asked Roseluck, running her hoof over the arm holding the bucket. 

“Well, Cherry is really the one who did all the hard work, I just did a bit of nailing and painting,” I confessed humbly.

Cherry beamed proudly, “I do enjoy working with my hooves!”

We arrived at the catapult with a couple of leftover boulder-sized snowballs from our construction of the obstacle course to serve as ammo. 

“The trick is finding the right place to put the catapult to do the most damage. Then you simply load the bucket” — I dismounted Cherry, and pulled the bucket back into place with my teeth while she loaded it — “and release the pulley to fire.” The arm propelled itself forward with a whoosh and a loud thunk as the arm came to a halt against the backrest. The ball sailed through the air and landed further afield, leaving a lovely crater in the otherwise pristine snowfield where it hit. 

“Awesome!” the two flower vendors exclaimed. 

“I certainly think it is! So you gals up for the job then?” I asked rhetorically.

“Ohhhhh yeah!” said Daisy giving her friend Rose a hoof bump. 

“We’ll follow you to Tartarus and back, Linky!” Roseluck added.

The three flower fillies had a wonderful rest of the day. Lily got used to the idea of riding around on Carrot Top’s back after a while, and within an hour of nightfall was even practicing the fine art of throwing while riding. Seeing the two of them now laughing and talking as they galloped about, I gave silent thanks to Harmony. She may not always be there for you, but she‘s never far behind.

Roseluck and Daisy proved to be quick studies in the field of ballistics. I did get a good laugh watching them trying to move the catapult while the wheel pins secured it to the ground, but took mercy by demonstrating how to remove them before moving the siege engine to a new location. By the end of the day, they had managed to score a bullseye from forty yards; a testament to the accuracy of the weapon and the growing skill of our two budding siege conductors. 

Cherry and I, who had been snowball fighting every winter, operated perfectly of course. The only issue was the impact crushing the snowballs at the bottom of the basket, and I told Cherry she would have to make an effort to tread as lightly as possible. We also adjusted the load to minimize shaking. It was impossible to not break some of the balls, but over time, we also showed improvement. We also made a point of showing Lily and Carrot Top our findings, to spare them the trouble of learning the hard way later.


*****


The next two days seemed to pass quickly. We’d accomplished a lot in a short time, and now had a pair of good riders, as well as an able artillery team. I felt confident in our chances as the appointed hour approached, but no matter how much I believed in our plan, I also knew that no plan survives first contact with the enemy, and our magic-wielding adversaries would have a few tricks up their horns as well.

Tuesday came as cold and bright as the last couple of days since the big snow. It was a bit heavier, having melted a bit since, but the conditions were still good. The weather Pegasi already had another storm lined up for the following week, but for now, we still had plenty of snow to play with.

We met the unicorns on the field at one, as promised. Sea Swirl, Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Sparkler were joined by two others: Lyra Heartstrings, with her mint coat, cyan mane and tail with a white streak, and gold-colored eyes; and Lemon Hearts — or so I’ve since been told — with a yellow coat, a cerulean mane, and tail with a light-blue streak and raspberry red eyes.

Lily and I were mounted on proper saddles designed much like the one Twilight Sparkle is known to use for her dragon assistant, Spike — except with a higher pommel and cantle. Roseluck and Daisy took up the rear with our catapult. 

Sea Swirl did not look happy. “Just what is it you think you’re doing? Why are you riding each other? And what’s with the contraption?”

“It’s called a catapult, Sea Swirl. And we are riding each other so we can hurry up and beat you as quickly as possible,” I said matter-of-factly. 

Daisy snickered.

“I know what it’s called! You didn’t say anything about using machinery or using such a barbaric tactic as riding each other!” Sea Swirl said hotly.

“I told you we would use our hooves Sea Swirl, and so we did. You didn’t ask for specific details,” I explained.

“Your catapult is an unfair advantage. In return, we get to use homing shots or no deal.” Sea Swirl replied flatly making a swift, slicing motion with her hoof.

“Deal!” I exclaimed, quickly offering my hoof to seal the deal.

Sea Swirl’s brief expression of apprehension betrayed her as we bumped hooves, replaced quickly by a look of determination. “Okay let’s do this! We’ll start in thirty minutes, I’ll send up sparks to signal the battle’s opening.” She trotted back over to her comrades.

“Good luck, Linky!” Twinkleshine shouted in her adorable, high pitched squeaky voice, rearing back on two legs and kicking. She took off to go prepare for the fight.

I felt a chill go up my spine completely unrelated to the weather as I waved back. I prayed to the sun, moon, and any other goddess who may have been on duty, to spare me the need to explain what just happened to anypony. 

“Good luck Linky!” Roseluck squealed in a horrible mockery of Twinkleshine’s voice. “smooch later, ‘kay?” 

I put my hoof to her muzzle, scrunching it to get her to shut up. “That enough, Rosebutt. Let's get out there and win this!”

The other four cheered, and we made preparations for the battle on our side of the field. For the first time, I noted the trench on our side was slightly concave, giving the defenders overlapping fields of fire on the center, but made it so you couldn’t see the other end of the trench. This information would come in handy when the time came.


*****


The sparks went up at exactly one o’clock. Carrot Top let out a harsh whinny at the signal and charged directly to the extreme right of the unicorn’s line, using the ice pillars as a screen with Lily in tow. 

I mirrored her movements on the extreme left. I saw the gap in between the out-of-bounds and the ice pillar and Cherry put on a burst of speed through it, broken snowballs be damned. 

A green pony appeared in my peripheral vision behind the second pillar of the boundary line; I took aim and threw, the ball connecting with her back. One down. I heard shouting, telekinetically fired snowballs whizzed far left, right and even over our heads, the unicorn defenders unable to focus enough to make their shots home properly. My heart leaped at the realization — they were taken by surprise and in complete disarray!  A second pony, I recognized as Lemon Hearts, who was probably sent to scout ahead pulled back right into my path and received a faceful of Maregolian hospitality. Two down. Directly ahead, Lily and I crossed paths having cleared out midfield, and turned towards the trench, running parallel alongside it from opposite sides to strafe the three doomed souls: Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Sea Swirl, the latter just as she was channeling another snowball. I launched the snowball in my hoof as hard as I could in her general direction as all four of us charged, screaming like banshees...

It worked! Her courage failed, and her concentration faltered. 

That split second was all we needed to send the three defenders into hiding behind the icy berm with another barrage of snow.

Behind us, the telltale thunk! of our catapult gave the defenders further cause for alarm, the opening salvo clipping the berm in the center of their line and shearing off about a foot of it. 

“They’re turtling! Aim for the target!” I screamed, turning to face the red and white circular disk that wouldn’t look out of place at a carnival dunking booth. My first and second throws sailed slightly left, and my third was deflected by magic. I’d had just about enough of this hide and go seek crap!

“Launch me Cherry! Next pass!” I ordered.

“You asked for it Linky!” she replied.

While Lily continued her efforts to keep the unicorns heads and horns out of the game, Roseluck and Daisy were creeping closer and closer to the target. I was honestly a bit disappointed they hadn’t scored a hit for us already. They hadn’t taken a single opposing shot all game, and had run of the battlefield, so effective were our mounted attacks.

Moving from our right and back to the center, I gave my final order, ”Up and over everypony! Chaaaaaarge!”

Cherry aimed me in the direction of the breach formed earlier by the catapult, and put on the brakes, bucking her hips to launch me into a snowbank beyond their trench. I wasted no time. Movement to my left. Minuette, in such a state of shock, didn’t even bother to try to use magic. She just plucked a snowball out of the trench and took aim…

Not fast enough. I struck first and scored a direct hit to her torso. Her ears drooped and she bowed out of the fight. Lily Valley and Carrot Top broke through the left side of the berm and presumably had cornered Sea Swirl. Only one left…

I crept slowly on three legs towards the far-right end of the trench, my fourth carrying a snowball. I kept as low as possible and stayed close to the wall facing out at the battlefield. Twinkleshine had to be in here and had nowhere to hide. 

Having seen the trench from the outside, I knew I wasn’t far from the end. The sound of battle grew fainter as I finally reached the edge of the trench, but Twinkleshine was nowhere to be found. 

Splat! The snowball collided with the wall of the trench right over my head, missing it by less than an inch. “Clever girl!” I shouted, and turned to make her pay for her mistake…

A distant ringing of a bell and loud cheers stopped me in my tracks, and the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of weights dropped from a pegasus moving van. “Wait, how in Equestria did you miss me?”

Twinkleshine shook her head. “There’s no point. You completely overwhelmed us and drove us back into our trench. You’ve won now. What I want to know is why you didn’t win the battle after you tagged out Minuette? Is that why you followed me, to complete our annihilation?” 

I wondered if it would be rude to admit she was right. “I just wanted it to be —”

“Fair?” she cut in. “That’s not the Maregol way, Linky, and you know it! Those who resist are killed.”

“And those who surrender are spared. You seem to have me all figured out, Twinkle,” I conceded with a grin, standing up to brush the snow off my back.

Twinkleshine giggled and pointed at my cutie mark. “One gold shoe, and one blue shoe. The golden shoe is the symbol of the Golden Horde: the Maregolian cavalry force that nearly conquered half of Terra.”

I nodded. “And the blue shoe is yours truly. I got my cutie mark while reading about Genghis Hoof in school. I got a lot of funny looks for a while, my Dad in particular.”

“I suppose no one really wants to live next door to one of the most vicious ponies who has ever lived eh?” she said with a grin. 

“Ah, I’m not so bad once you get to know me. Just don’t get on my bad side!” I tapped the gold horseshoe in my flank, “or you know what I’ll do!” 

Twinkleshine closed in on me, her electric blue eyes blazing with want unspoken. “Perhaps I’ll have the honor of being taken by the Overmare of the Maregolians herself someday.”

I swallowed hard, my eyes roaming over her magnificent features. Close up, the length of her horn was impossible to ignore. I wondered if having a longer horn made your magic more powerful, and thought of the glorious ways she could use that power. While I stumbled for a witty comeback, she turned away and gave me a very deliberate flag of her tail. “Until we meet again, Genghis Link!” 

As I stood there — mind filling with licentious images — she walked back towards the sound of jubilation emanating from our side of the field, her hips swaying suggestively. Disappearing from sight, my mind finally snapped back into place. “Hey! Wait up!” I followed lamely in her wake, sincerely thankful nopony was there to witness the event unfold.


*****


It turned out the battle had concluded less than a minute ago. Sea Swirl had incredibly fought off both Lily and Carrot Top by tagging Lily out and keeping Carrot Top pinned down with a barrage of magically propelled snowballs. The fight had only ended because our catapult had finally scored a direct hit on the target. 

“What just happened? Lemon Hearts asked, jumping down into the trench from the gap that was opened up by the catapult.

“We just got our flanks handed to us, that’s what happened!” Lyra replied. 

“Ugh! We didn’t even last two minutes! I’ll never live this down,” said Sea Swirl, covering her face in shame. 

“We’ll be ready for you next time, earth ponies!” said Twinkleshine cheerfully. “Especially you, Linky!” she whispered silkily in my ear.

I felt my face warm and my knees wobble. 

“Did you see that amazing shot Linky? We totally saved your flanks down there!” Roseluck said proudly, throwing a hoof around her friend Daisy.

I was about to point out how long it took but thought better of it. They would only improve with time, and their inability to strike the target sooner kept me from getting busted. “I’m buying you two a drink! Good show!” I replied.

The two flower ponies cheered.

“And where were you, fearless leader?” teased Cherry Berry. “I launched you into the trench not far from the target.”

“I got pinned down by Twinkleshine,” I replied truthfully, though no one needed to know the context behind my statement.

“She’s right; I did everything I could to stop her, but she struck me down,” Twinkleshine chimed in.

“Wow, Linky, that makes four kills for you. Way to go!” Cherry Berry gave me a good-natured jab. “Let’s go drink.”

“Linky…” 

I turned at the sound of my name and saw Sea Swirl, who was lagging back from the departing unicorns.

“Forgive my rudeness earlier. You all fought well and earned your victory. We will not forget this humiliation, and when you face us again, we will not be so easily pushed aside.” Sea Swirl bowed respectfully, speaking in a strangely solemn tone.

I nodded and answered in kind. “Apology accepted, Sea Swirl. We will train until that day, and anticipate a spirited contest.” I returned the bow. “As for you earth ponies, clear your schedules for tonight, because we’re going drinking!”

Roseluck, Cherry Berry, and Carrot Top cheered; Lily Valley suddenly looked worried.

Daisy jumped up on two legs and shouted, “Yeaaaaaaaaaah!” 

I knew then who to hide the booze from when the gang came over to visit.


*****


“Remember to keep an eye on Roseluck, ladies,” Daisy warned us as we trudged back across town in the waning daylight. “She can get a bit persuasive to the stallions after a few drinks, so you’ll want to grab one quick before she takes all of them.”

“You’re only saying that because it’s true, Daisy,” Roseluck replied smoothly, giving her red-striped pink tail a shake. “I could do it without the cider, but it wouldn’t be as fun.”

“I suppose I’ll have to settle for crying in my ale,” Cherry Berry said in mock sadness. “At least I’ll be alone in good company.”

“You wouldn’t be alone at all, if you’d let me brush you,” I told my shaggy friend.

“Not on your life!” she gave me a stern look.

Just a quick once over? I needled.

“No!” Cherry protested, “I like it fine the way it is!”

“I’d appreciate it if you did keep them off Rose,” said Lily, whose enthusiasm was beginning to drop with every step.

“Don’t you worry none, Lily. We’ve already taken out an army of unicorns; we are more than a match for a few rowdy stallions,” said Carrot Top, smiling. She slowed down to match pace with her and nuzzled her cheek.

Lily seemed to take heart from this and smiled.

I heard the flapping of wings overhead and saw a pegasus land next to me I’d never met. She had a very light, almost white pink coat, a festive cerise and mint green striped mane and tail, lovely blue eyes, and adorable freckles. It occurred to me at that moment I was spending a lot of the day appreciating the female beauty and resolved to drink myself back to normal as soon as we got to the bar.

Alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all of life’s problems.

“That was quite a show you six put on back there!” the not-at-all completely gorgeous hunk of mare said, rousing me from my idle thoughts.

“You saw our match eh?” I asked.

“I did, and I would never have imagined seeing such a magnificent thrashing! I’ve seen earth ponies perform in rodeos and accomplish remarkable feats of strength, but never attack in numbers that way. You ponies take snowball fighting very seriously!” she said, clopping her forehooves together.

“Thanks! My name’s Shoeshine, but everypony just calls me Linky. What’s yours?”

“I’m Blossomforth, leader of the pegasi snowball fighting squad, Altocumulous Lenticularis. We’ve been going up against Sea Swirl’s group for years with mixed results. After watching you gals play, I would be honored to go up against your squad.”

“Do you attack while flying?” Cherry Berry asked. 

“In our games against the unicorns, we do. They don’t have any trouble with firing snowballs up at us, so they give us a real run for our bits,” Blossomforth shook her head. “Especially Sea Swirl, that mare is deadly accurate and reloads fast! That new prospect of theirs, Twinkleshine is a real terror too.”

Except against me apparently. I couldn’t help but wonder why she wouldn’t take such an easy shot, even if they were doomed. I also couldn’t help but imagine taking her up on that offer of “being taken”... I swallowed at the decidedly blushworthy images suddenly running through my head.

“What are your rules?” I asked, hoping my suddenly warm cheeks wouldn’t give away where my thoughts had gone.

“Victory by elimination on whatever ground you choose to fight on,” she replied.

“We accept your challenge,” I replied. “We’ll need a week to prepare. On the ground or in the air, we will beat you!” I promised, drawing myself up straight.

“Spoken like a true warrior,” she gave me a mock salute. “There will be another snowfall eight days from now, according to our weather schedule. We’ll schedule the fight for the day after. Good luck, Linky,” Blossomforth took off into the sky.

“Linky, that was really sweet of you to talk us up to that nice pegasus back there, but you do know we can’t fly, right?” asked Roseluck rhetorically.

“We don’t need to fly. The snow is on the ground, and so are we,” I gestured toward the street.

“Perhaps you could have refused, and we could have just celebrated our big victory?” Carrot Top suggested mildly.

“It is not sufficient that I succeed. All others must fail!” I insisted, blinking at my voice suddenly speaking in a different, far more forceful tone -- where had that come from? “But enough about that; there is still celebration to be had!” I finished cheerfully.

I knew some of them were skeptical. I also knew they’d forget about the whole thing after a few hard ciders. Hopefully long enough for me to think up a plan.
> The Battle of Orange Heights
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the ruthless efficiency of the Overmare’s advance, she did not go unopposed for long. Uniting the tribes of Maregolia under one banner brought her many great enemies with numbers even she could not hope to match. Undeterred, she took advantage of her adversaries’ strengths and made them their weakness. 

She would expose herself to the main body of the foe’s army with only a fraction of her force and flee. Seizing the perceived opportunity to crush the upstart Genghis and her unruly mob, her overconfident enemies charged headlong into defeat. 

If the enemy was not overconfident, she would terrorize them with fast-moving attacks against their weakest point. If they built a wall to keep her out, she brought a catapult to knock it down. If the wall was too thick for the catapult she had, she found someone to build a better one. To her, every battle was fought on her terms. To her, there was no such thing as impossible — she was the irresistible force that could overcome every immobile object. I like to think we have this in common… in more ways than one.


*****


We all headed home after our first victory for a quick bite to eat and a hot bath. A smart pony doesn’t drink on an empty stomach, and a lucky mare doesn’t reek of sweat. Not that I’m not already amazing — and quite popular with the mares for some reason — but it’s bad form to not look your best when you outnumber the stallions three-to-one. 

Heading out into the evening with our scarves to shield us against the frigid night, Carrot Top and I headed to The Prancing Pony, our preferred watering hole. A mere three blocks worth of staggering from my place, and even closer for the Flower Trio.

We all arrived within five minutes of one another. To spare poor Cherry the need to walk all the way back to her shop, Carrot and I decided to let her stay the night. I had an ulterior motive of course; I doubted I’d be bringing anypony else home after tonight’s festivities, and the bed is always warmer with two.

Score one for pragmatism.

We walked through the swinging double doors of the Prancing Pony Saloon: a rustic, two storied wood structure that appeared to have been teleported straight out of Appleloosa and deposited in southwest Ponyville. Taking in the room with its reek of stale smoke, I noted the mustachioed, stallion barkeep — who greeted the six of us with a wave — the pipe-smoking card players with stacks of bits in the center of their table; and a pink-maned mare in a saloon dress playing the piano. Most of the bar’s patrons were earth ponies, but I could make out a few off-duty pegasi through the haze of smoke.

After ordering our drinks and giving Lily a hard time over ordering sarsaparilla, we found a table that could accommodate our entire group.

“If somepony had told me yesterday the six of us would have annihilated the unicorn defenses so quickly, I wouldn’t have believed it. Cherry, we took out half of their team all by ourselves!” I slammed the table with my hoof.

“Eh, we did okay I suppose,” Cherry said nonchalantly, though her proud expression betrayed her true feelings.

“Just okay? We took them out in less than two minutes! Lily, you and Carrot Top rode together for only the third time, and already got your first kill,” I continued.

“Well, that’s putting it a bit harshly. All I did was hit the mare with a snowball…” Lily looked at me with something approaching horror, as if I was speaking literally. 

Carrot Top ran a hoof through her prospective marefriend’s mane. “Don’t mind Linky, dear. She has a rather savage manner of speaking. I made her promise not to eat any of us, so you have nothing to fear.” 

I stuck my tongue out at her as the others laughed.

I smiled and signaled for silence. “Rose, you and Daisy did well in ending the game for us, though you both need to practice hard to improve your aim. Still, a deal is a deal and your first drink is on the house. Good work ladies!”

“Not everyday a mare buys me a drink!” Roseluck toasted me with her mug, throwing a foreleg around my shoulders. “I can see you and I will become the best of friends.”

“Who knows, she may one day grow to love making war more than making love,” Daisy quipped.

Roseluck finished throwing back her first hard cider and patted her belly. “Not a chance! I got my cutie mark in making love.”

That’s a new one on me. “Get out! A cutie mark in sex? You sure that’s not a cheesy pick-up line?”

“Oh no, I’m serious! I got mine back in high school after my first time. You would be surprised to learn I’m not actually much of a gardener. Most ponies assume the rose has to do with tending to flowers, but Daisy is the real green hoof in our bunch.” Roseluck patted her friend on the back.

“How in tartarus does this talent of yours work? Do you trigger this ability somehow or is it something you can’t control?” I had a mental image of stampeding stallions chasing her through the street every time she entered heat.

“It’s quite simple, Linky. When I ask a stallion for a good time, I get it. Though you fillyfoolers have nothing to fear, my powers of persuasion have no effect on mares. Unless that attraction involves jealous rage of course,” Roseluck winked and stood up. “Speaking of stallions, I’m feeling pretty lucky tonight, so if you’ll excuse me…” She walked up to the bar and started talking up a brown-maned and coated stallion at the bar.

“I wish I could tell you she was just kidding, but she’s not.” Daisy looked over at the two of them glumly. “As she said, I’m the green hoof. I’ve enjoyed gardening ever since I was a little filly and was the first in my class to get mine. Roseluck is a good salesmare as you can probably imagine, so we went into business together and started the Ponyville Flower Shop. Lily Valley came along later, and she rounded out our happy little group.” Daisy put one leg around her bashful friend’s back. “You never did tell us about how you got your cutie mark, Lily.”

“It’s personal you girls. I’m sorry.” Lily bowed her head and ears. “I’m not from Ponyville like Daisy mentioned. I come from the city of Hoofington, the industrial heart of Equestria, south of the Macintosh Hills. I didn’t like it there at all, so I moved out after my dad passed away. I came here to Ponyville so I could breathe clean air for the first time. Daisy gave me a job on the spot when I inquired, and even let me stay at her house. I really do appreciate what she did for me, even if they sometimes give me a hard time.”

“We only do it because we love you, Lily.” Daisy nuzzled her friend. “And we’re glad you came to us.”

“Such a lovely story.” Carrot Top dabbed at her eyes. “My cutie mark is pretty obvious. My family has been farming carrots for generations, and have been in Ponyville almost as long as the Apple family. While my sister Linky may not be much of a fan of the farming life, I’m quite content to do so for the rest of my life.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that, Carrot Top.” I saluted her with my drink. “You’ll make a fine headmistress of Ponyville Carrot Farm someday. But I just can’t stand it. I don’t like the waiting, and I don’t like digging. My hooves were made for running, and that is what I like to do. Though I’m not quite as fit as I used to be, I still get along fine in my thirties. My cutie mark reflects my appreciation for the leader of the former Maregolian Empire and pioneer in the field of military tactics, Genghis Hoof.”

“My best friend, the Destroyer of Empires!” Cherry proclaimed. “We’ve been hanging out since we were nine years old. It was recess and I was building my first catapult out of pencils, rubber bands, and a plastic spoon. This crazy, blue filly walks up to me and asks me to build her a weapon with which to conquer Ponyville. We didn’t get very far with my first catapult, but she told me it was okay and that ‘nothing is impossible to those who would try.’ We haven’t stopped trying since then, and it seems our time has finally arrived eh, Linky?”

“Indeed it has, Cherry,” I replied with a grin. “Cherry isn’t all about catapults and war though. She’s a super-talented mare who can shape metal with her hooves, and design flying machines from scrap. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“That was...very sweet of you to say, Linky.” She looked slightly overwhelmed for a moment. “Who are you and what have you done with my warlord friend?” she added with a note of playfulness.

“It’s the alcohol, it makes me all schmoopy-whoopy.” I hailed for another mug.

Roseluck and her new friend for the night got up to leave the bar. She gave us a wink as she walked past.

“Wish me luck, I’m going in.” Daisy made her way to the front of the bar.

“Mi Amore Cadenza be with you, sister. Good luck.” Carrot Top turned to face the remaining flower pony. “She seems to have some issues with confidence.”

“Roseluck will do that to a mare I guess,” Lily Valley replied. “I don’t care one way or the other about romance, but I suppose for normal ponies that’s the way it goes.”

The doors to the bar swung open again and a tall, orange earth pony mare with a long blonde mane and tail strode in, effortlessly toting a stack of barrels strapped to her back. The trademark stetson atop her head and three-apple cutie mark adorning her flank gave away her identity immediately. 

“Applejack!” The pink mare at the piano I now recognized as Pinkie Pie had stopped playing and was now bouncing up and down. 

Across the table from me, Carrot Top sighed and buried her face in her hooves.

“Well howdy, Pinkie! Fancy seeing you here. Still wearing that get-up I see.”

Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing. “I felt like a showdown was coming and I couldn’t miss it without dressing for the occasion.”

A unicorn from behind the bar thanked Applejack for the barrels and levitated them off of her back. 

“‘Twern’t nothin’!” Applejack replied. “A showdown eh? Nothin’ that’s going to destroy the town I hope.” 

“Hmm. I don’t think so. I didn’t get the proper signal for the destruction of the town. I distinctly remember two front-left hoof taps and not four,” Pinkie replied with certainty.

“Well, that was close! You let me know if you pick up anything else okay?” Applejack ordered herself something to drink and looked around for a seat.

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie Pie went back to playing the piano.

“Pinkie…” I shook my head slowly as she pronked her way across the room. We all love her, but as a rule, she’s best in small doses.

I waved her over with my hoof. “We got a seat open over here, Applejack.” 

“Thank yeh Linky. Ya’ll keepin’ out of trouble?” She took her place in Roseluck’s old seat with cider in hoof, acknowledging Carrot Top with a nod. “Howdy neighbor, haven’t seen yeh in awhile. Yeh doin’ alright?”

Carrot Top looked slightly uncomfortable, but maintained herself. “I’m doing wonderful! Just having a drink with my friends.” 

I knew Carrot Top was still a bit down about how things ended up between her and AJ, but she was tough and determined not to let it get her down. “We’re all members of Ponyville’s first earth pony snowball fighting team.” I gestured to the three remaining members of my squad. “We’re having our first little get-together after whoopin’ the unicorns.

Applejack gave a low whistle. “Land’s sake! How’d ya’ll get past their magic?”

We retold the events of the Battle of Saddle Lake, Lily visibly cringing when we told her about riding on each other’s backs.

“Not really the sort of example I’d have followed, sugarcube,” Applejack said sternly. That Genghis Hoof was a nasty piece of work. But I don’t suppose ya’ll mean any harm by it.” 

“Our only intention was to win by any means available to us, and we’ve accomplished a great deal in a short time. I’m proud of our victory, and so long as there are those who would challenge us, we will keep right on winning.” I thumped the table with my hoof for good measure.

“Here! Here!” Cherry raised her mug. The others followed suit. 

“Hmph! You sound like a certain pegasus friend of mine. She tries to be the best at everything, and more often than not she succeeds. Just remember that as remarkable as she is — or you for that matter — you’ll eventually meet somepony else who can do your job.” The freckled farmer tipped the brim of her stetson up and took a long drink.

“There may be one who will come after, but not while I still live!” I said proudly.

“You really are a lot like Rainbow Dash, Linky. Ah wish ya’ll the best of luck, and don’t go burnin’ down nopony’s house ya hear?” Applejack joked.

“You’re no fun! But seriously, you should join us sometime. I’m sure your rodeo skills would make you nigh impossible to hit.” She ain’t bad looking either! I thought to myself. No wonder Carrot Top got so broken up about losing her…

“I’ll think about it, sugarcube. Not much to do around the farm in winter, and things have been pretty quiet. I should probably be headin’ back to Sweet Apple Acres to pick up the last load of cider. It was nice seeing you again, Carrot Top. Have fun everypony!” Applejack finished off the last of her cider in one gulp and made her way out the door, her powerful flanks drawing my eye…

I mentally castigated myself for the breach of conduct and resolved to order another drink to get me thinking straight.

Carrot Top giggled and pointed towards the front of the bar. “Looks like our new friend found herself a friend.”

Daisy was locked in a passionate kiss with a pegasus mare which brought cheers from the stallions in the bar.

“I had no idea she liked mares!” Lily Valley brought her hoof to her mouth as she watched the scene unfold.

“Well played, stranger.” Carrot Top saluted the anonymous mare as her equal.

“Hopefully she isn’t consorting with the enemy,” I said only half-jokingly.

Cherry Berry snorted. “That would be a good idea if we had any idea what we’re doing. Linky, what are we supposed to do against an aerial opponent? From what you’ve said, Genghis didn’t have much of a plan either, and things didn’t end well.”

So much for a peaceful night of drinking. So much for my assumption that my crew would just enjoy themselves for one night. “By the time the Maregols faced the griffons, Genghis Hoof was dead from old age. Had she have been alive they would have succeeded — somehow. Instead, they attempted to strike them down from the air with massed crossbow volleys. A fine idea against a single mass of enemies; except the Griffons would just split up and hit them from different angles. Basically, they used their superior maneuverability much the way Genghis did and with deadly results. I don’t think massing our forces against the pegasi will do us any favors either.” 

Lily Valley — who had to this point been staring off into space — snapped to attention. “Cherry, is there any kind of weapon you can build that would let us hit the pegasi in the air?“

Working against the alcohol slowing her brain, Cherry nodded in the affirmative. “There are plenty of options open to us, but most of them involve firing arrows. The Pegasi may take offense if we start trying to kill them with crossbows, so our best bet is a modified slingshot. That should allow us to fire snowballs with speed and accuracy without them shattering.”

“So if we can shoot up at the pegasi, then we should be okay right? We’ll just do what the unicorns did.” Lily Valley smiled. 

I stared at her blankly wondering what she getting at. “We don’t know exactly how they fought the pegasi off, only that they fired up at them with magic.”

“I’m ashamed of you, Linky! What would Genghis Hoof say?” Cherry Berry pointed an an accusing hoof at me. “We’ll be turrets!”

“Turrets…” I muttered, trying to think through the cider clouding my brain. “Turrets! Good thinking Lily! Not really a tactic I’m looking forward to using, but it can’t work any worse than mounting.”

Carrot Top gave Lily an appreciative pat on the back. 

We sat there in silence for awhile after ordering another drink, when Daisy finally returned with her pegasus friend. She had a light orange coat, a curly pink mane and tail with a light pink streak,, and fuchsia rose eyes. A real looker, and yet she appeared to be even older than me. Her wing feathers were ruffled — from her earlier display with Daisy no doubt!

“Taking prisoners already, Daisy?” I gave her a lewd look.

“I think the shoe is on the other hoof, sister!” Carrot Top said with a hearty laugh.

“Hello. ladies. My name is Orange Swirl, but you can call me ‘Dizzy Twister’. I hope you won’t mind too much if I escort your friend home?”

“Not at all, but mind you don’t use my room. It’s the one with the lilies on the door.” Lily clopped her forehooves together nervously.

‘Don’t worry about it Lily, I’m sure Roseluck has taken your room anyway,” Daisy joked before the two of them headed out the door, with Dizzy Twister following along behind pushing her prize out the door.

“Oh very funny! You two better not...ugh!” Lily kicked the table in frustration.

“She’s just kidding Lily. Let it go, remember?” Carrot Top said gently.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just” — Lily Valley sighed — “forget it. So how does this turret thing you were talking about work?”

We spent the rest of the night talking tactics, slingshots, and making war with the pegasi. All the while, the drinks just kept coming and coming...


*****


After a day’s worth of recovering from the mother of all hangovers, I vowed never to get that drunk again. I had an ursa-sized headache, spent half the morning throwing up, and I never did get laid that night. Genghis Hoof was right: if one does not drink at all, what can be better?

Some good did come of all the discussion thankfully. Lily Valley remembered most of what we were talking about — having been sober the entire time — and took a keen interest in developing an anti-pegasus defense strategy. 

She’s a mare to be held in highest esteem. Genghis Hoof would be proud of her.

Roseluck and Daisy enjoyed their night a bit more than the rest of us. For the rose vendor, it was just another conquest but for Daisy, it was a lifesaver. The defeated mare I saw at the bar was transformed into the strutting Princess of Posies. By some strange coincidence, the pegasus was also one of our soon-to-be enemies. I tasked Daisy to get as much information about pegasi fighting strategy as possible from her new marefriend.

“My first marefriend in years, and you want me to turn her into a traitor to help us win a snowball fight. What’s next Linky, replace the snowballs with arrows?” Daisy asked rhetorically.

I thought about telling about how arrows came up at the bar, but decided against it. “I realize it isn’t entirely fair, but the Chineighese fought fair and they lost!”

Daisy’s ears drooped, her face sullen.

So much for the iron hoof approach. I’d have to play it reasonable. “Look at it this way, Daisy. The pegasi have already seen us fight, so all you’d be doing is leveling the field. You don’t want to lose for her sake do you?”

The look on Daisy’s face suggested I may not be far off.

“Just be casual about it. Ask her about her previous matches with the unicorns, and let me know how they handled them. Blossomforth did mention the unicorns fired up at them during their battle so it can’t be that top secret…”

Okay, okay! I’ll ask her about it.” Daisy sighed and rubbed the back of her head with her hoof.

Standing in the snowy field near the junk pile behind Cherry’s Shop, Cherry and I issued the four their new leg-mounted slingbows, a crossbow and slingshot hybrid.  “A bit different from the slingshots that took down Chief Thunderhooves, but vastly more effective. All you need to do is load the strap with your free hoof and pull back on it with your teeth. It’s very accurate with practice, and has a fast load speed.” I gestured towards one of six targets set up for us to train.

I scooped up a ball of snow with my right hoof, placing it in the pouch, before taking aim and firing at a target setup in the field, striking slightly above the bulls-eye at twenty yards. I definitely need more practice, I thought to myself. “Now you try it.”

I stood by and watched as the four launched volleys into the targets. Cherry and I had already practiced, and she proved to be a crack shot. I was not as naturally gifted.

Neither were Lily and Carrot Top, I noticed. Lily had difficulty steadying her aim while firing with her teeth. The problem was made worse as she became progressively more frustrated by continued failure. Carrot Top might have been a help, but she was in the same boat as Lily.

“I must be daft! Can I just carry the cocoa or something, Linky? I’m awful at this!” Carrot Top groused, snorting angrily.

Roseluck and Daisy on the other hoof, were amazing shots. Her first show flew far over the top of the target, but once she figured out how to aim the weapon properly, her aim was perfect, scoring bullseye after bullseye. 

“Don’t be jealous girls, I’m sure it’s just luck,”  She said as she set up and fired, the ball sailing  gracefully into the bullseye once again.

For a moment, I couldn’t tell if Lily was going to scream, cry, or clobber Rose to death with her slingbow. 

Cherry took pity on her and showed her how to aim again. 

Daisy took a bit more time to master her aim, but after fifteen shots, was about as good as Roseluck.

“Looking good Daisy!” I gave her a pat on the back after scoring her third consecutive bullseye.

“Was there ever any doubt?” she replied with a hoof on her chest, looking and sounding vaguely familiar to somepony else I’ve met.

After our first day of practice, Lily and Carrot managed their first bullseyes but were still far behind the rest of the group. 

On our second day of practice, it was Lily’s chance to shine. Inspired by our discussion at the bar, she showed off her design for an anti-pegasi trench configuration. Using our pony-powered snowplows normally used for wrapping up winter, we dug out a circular trench three feet deep while Cherry excused herself to go get the pedalcopter ready. It was time for some practical training.

“Why a circle, Lily?” Daisy asked.

“It will allow us protection without exposing more than one pony at a time to a pegasi strafing run!” Lily proclaimed. “If we use straight lines, they can throw right down the trench and be sure of hitting something. But if the trench is curved, they can’t do that!”

Lily for the first time seemed to really be enjoying the spotlight, having seemed to have come into her own as a tactician. Good for her! I thought to myself. If I ever do decide to take over the world, she is coming with me! I already understood the concept of using a circle, but I wanted her to be the one to explain it to the others. 

“The idea is if we’re all in different places in our trench, our chances of getting hit by the enemy are greatly diminished. We will still be covered on all sides, but if one of us goes down, we won’t have to worry about losing everypony,” Lily continued.

“How will we know who to fire on? They’re going to be flying all around us and spoiling our aim!” Carrot Top pantomimed a confused pony with a slingbow pointing every which way.

“There are two possibilities: we fire center mass at the group all at once if they’re dumb enough to be all bunched up, or we tackle them one on one if they split up.” Lily Valley pointed up at the sky, demonstrating how angles favor them. “In the first case, we target a cluster of them at once, in the second, we use our faster snowball velocity to gain an advantage. My biggest worry is they feint a dive, get us to fire our one shot, and then rush us before we reload.”

“Glad to see you’re thinking realistically about this, Lily. We can’t assume any one trick will work with the pegasi,” I nodded sagely. “I think a real good idea is to test our reload speed on Cherry’s pedalcopter. Hitting a moving target is no fun, and we all need to learn how to lead the target. That is to say, we fire where they will be and not where they’re at.”

The rest of the day was spent doing just that. Roseluck continued to dominate in the marksmanship department, and I began to suspect stallions aren’t the only thing she’s lucky with. Cherry’s pedalcopter wasn’t much of a replacement for the highly-maneuverable pegasi, but it would do for a practice target. I estimated that we had about two or three passes to make our first kill before the pegasi adapted and wiped us out, not the best odds or the most optimistic assessment, but we were green and they were not. If I was right we would all need to get lucky in a few days.

Our first big breakthrough in the intelligence wars came only one day away from the scheduled battle. Daisy stopped by my house the morning before the match and presented a believable assessment of pegasi capabilities after having preened the information from her marefriend’s sensitive wings. It confirmed our greatest fears: they’d adapted to the rapid fire of the unicorns by feigning a dive, scattering when facing determined resistance, and approaching from a different angle. They each carried saddlebags full of snowballs alleviating the need to come to the ground to reload, and were quick to find openings in their adversaries’ defenses.

“She made us sound pretty hopeless, Boss.” Daisy looked down at her pancakes sadly as if they held the secret to ultimate success, but would not answer.

“Of course that’s what she would say, she’s the enemy,” I replied casually. “She doesn’t want us to think we have any chance of winning. And why would she? If she possesses even a hint of warriors pride, she will have told you just enough to give you the impression that resistance was futile, and let you crawl back to your friends to boast of their greatness, and infect them with your defeatism. It’s certainly what I would do.”

“Why send me at all then if I’m just going to be a pawn in their game?” she said heatedly.

“I wanted information on their capabilities and you got it; for that I am appreciative.” I poured her some coffee. “I’m going to level with you: we’re up against a formidable opponent with a biological advantage. I’d rather be in their horseshoes than ours. You should probably eat your pancakes they’re going to get cold…”

“Oh right! Sorry.” Skipping the knife and fork she began to wolf down her pancakes right off the plate before licking it clean as I cringed in horror. 

“You aren’t nearly as sorry as I am from having to witness that.” How this mare became the emissary of the Flower Trio I will never know. “My point is the pegasi have never faced us and they will be on the same learning curve as us. If they really do believe they’ve already won, then they’ll be unprepared when the battle comes. This can all be to our advantage.”

“Ain’t nothing getting in the way of your conquest, eh Linky?” Daisy said playfully.

“We did beat the unicorns just a couple minutes, so don’t count us out just yet!” I took a sip of coffee. 

“Point taken,” Daisy conceded. “Oh and Dizzy says the pegasi have been planning to see us about the final details of the fight. Are we going to hold it over at Cherry’s Shop?”

“Nah, that’s too long of a walk. Ponyville Carrot Farm will offer us good visibility, and access to Sweet Apple Acres and their vast stores of baked goods.” I might also get a chance to show Applejack what these hooves can do in a fight, but I kept that thought to myself.

“I like the way you think, Boss!” Daisy rubbed her stomach.

After finishing breakfast, we sat around talking about tactics some more until Carrot Top finished up with her curls in the bathroom. It occurred to me that Daisy had about as much warrior in her as Lily Valley — none whatsoever — but she listened well, and was easy to motivate with a simple bribe like Lily was. For Daisy, it was food and drink and for Lily it was just to be the center of affirmative interaction. Combined with Roseluck’s ‘luck,’ I was beginning to feel better about our odds. We may not have been born members of the warrior race, but these ponies all found a reason to follow me. I would not let them down tomorrow no matter what!

After finally finishing up in the bathroom, Carrot Top joined us in the living room.

“Took you long enough!” I teased.

“Oh I’m sorry, Linky, it’s just that your mirror image was asking me about why you two haven’t been seeing as much of each other.” Carrot Top stuck her tongue out at me, and left to get something from her room.

I really need to quit walking into that. Scratch that, she needs to quit walking into me doing that!

Daisy looked up at me with a wary expression, ”Do I even want to know?”

“She’s just jealous because of what I’ve got,” I whispered back.

“Riiiiiiiight…” 

I heard knocking at the door. Doing the only rational thing, I got up to open it. I was greeted by Blossomforth, Daisy’s marefriend, Dizzy, and four other pegasi mares.

Altocumulous Lenticularis, we meet at last!

“Hello again, Linky. I trust you’ve been preparing for battle?” My white-coated rival gave a polite bow.

“Well I could but where would be the fun in that?” I waited to see how they’d react. Yeah, I’d sent Daisy to do recon, but you can never be too prepared. I let the six of them inside.

“I told you, Blossomforth, Linky here knows what’s up!” said one of the mares, a lovely jasmine-coated mare with Tiffany blue mane and tail. “All work and no play makes Raindrops a dull mare.”

Blossomforth shook her head, grinning. “You aren’t fooling anypony you know, Linky. But where are my manners? Let me introduce you to the others.” She gestured towards a huge, dark gray stallion with blue-silver mane. “This is Thunderlane.”

I can’t wait to tell Roseluck about this guy! I thought to myself. She’ll have all the motivation in the world to win this one for us!

“Nice catapult you got out there! I can’t wait to see what these ladies throw at us.” Thunderlane said pleasantly. 

“The name’s Medley,” — the Celeste-coated mare with dark green mane and tail gave a perfunctory wave — “Blossomforth has told us all about your curious tactics in your victory against the unicorns. While an admirable feat to be sure, I cannot fathom how that helps you against us.”

“Neither can I, Medley. I suppose we’ll need to think of something else, huh?” Nice try Rain Flanks, but I will give you nothing!

The final unidentified pegasus — another mare — with a lavender blue, coat, jasmine mane and tail with a lemon chiffon streak, threw open her wings to their full length. “Forgive me for having to introduce myself to you, Linky. I wish I could say we’d already been acquainted. My name is Cloud Kicker and I make it a note to know all of Ponyville’s most attractive mares...”

“She’s really not that choosy,” Carrot Top cut in, an ugly look on her face.

“Now now, Carrot Top. Not all of us are trying to hide our real special talent. I’m good at ponies and that’s what I do. You hold down who you are and it isn’t healthy. Lucky for you, I’m willing to help you get back into the game.” Cloud Kicker’s orchid eyes locked with Carrot’s...

“Let me show you how it’s done Cloudkicker.” Dizzy Twister walked straight up to Daisy and kissed her deeply.

“You’re all so accomplished at making love, I can’t see how you find the time to prepare for war,” I joked. 

“Enough!” Blossomforth shouted, causing Dizzy and Daisy to separate. “We are here to challenge them, not rut their brains out. Linky, have you decided where your home field will be?”

“We’ll make our stand on the easternmost hill at Orange Heights near the border of Sweet Apple Acres.” I watched Blossomforth’s eyebrows disappear into her mane.

“You’ll fight so close to the sky? You six really are up to something.” Blossomforth eyed me suspiciously. 

“Ha! A pun about height from a pegasus!” Carrot Top snorted and began to laugh.

“Walked right into that one, Blossom. It’s okay though, you still got the nicest flanks of anyone here, and I’m willing to give you a mercy rut,” Cloud Kicker offered consolingly.

Blossomforth’s face achieved a shade of red that almost matched her mane. “We’re done here! We’ll arrive at noon tomorrow to assault your position. If Cloud Kicker here doesn’t assault it first!” She skulked out of the house and took off into the sky, presumably to start the next storm. The others following closely behind. 

Hanging back, Cloud Kicker gave me one last look. “Don’t listen to her. I have the utmost respect for everypony’s position. Perhaps I’ll get a good look at yours sometime. Bye Bye!” She took off into the sky.

“Ugh! That pony is a vile, disgusting savage!” Carrot Top spat.

“Actually she’s pretty cute and has a strange sort of charm to her. I bet she really enjoys her weekends.” I couldn’t help but warm a bit at the thought of taking her up on her offer.

“You’re mental, the both of you! I wonder if she has a mirror me too...” Carrot Top mused.

“I’ll ask her after we’d knocked them all out of the sky. We need to get started on building our trench. Tonight, we sleep at the farm; tomorrow, we win!” I rubbed my two front hooves together. We had a lot of work to do.


*****


After making arrangements with the caretaker of Ponyville Carrot Farm, we got ourselves settled in. By the time the sun rose on the day of battle, another foot of snow had fallen. Setting up our defenses was a chore that required us to clear a path to the hill first. Whoever said getting there is half the fun was clearly not an earth pony.

While we labored, Daisy had the bright idea of fetching us all some food for Sweet Apple Acres. Minutes later we were munching on apple fritters, apple strudel, and apple pie. 

We finished with two hours to spare. Orange Heights, the name we ponies gave to the normally carrot-covered green hills on the northeast end of the carrot farm had a clear view of the sky with the trees having shed their leaves. Looking southeast, the ranch house and it’s fields and out buildings were all clearly visible under a blanket of snow. Applejack and her little sister Apple Bloom were interested to hear about the battle from Daisy and told her they would watch it from their house.

We built up the wall of our trench so that we would receive equal protection from all sides since we’d built on an incline. Lily kept looking up for signs of the enemy, but all she saw were birds.

Around fifteethe n minutes until start of battle, we heard somepony playing the violin. A moody tune, that spoke of a harsh wilderness filled with sorrow and strife. It was beautiful but sad. I looked around for the pony playing it.

I saw her dressed in a yellow robe with many strange and wonderful patterns etched in green thread that covered her whole body. A Maregolian uniform. I couldn’t make out who she was, only that by the shape of her muzzle it was a mare, and she was sitting on a stump about fifty yards north of our position, further down the hill.

“What in Tartarus is that pony doing out there?” Cherry Berry pointed at the equine aberration.

“I’d go down and ask her myself, but it’s about noon. I don’t want to get caught outside the trench.” I called down to the mysterious Maregol, and she looked at me and waved before turning her back and trotting off with the violin in her teeth. That was...random!

Above us, the partly cloudy sky revealed six pegasi flying in from the northwest. 

“Look lively, ponies! The enemy is here!” I shouted, loading my slingbow. 

Roseluck brought her first snowball to her lips and said a quiet prayer — most likely to Mi Amore Cadenza for a shot at Thunderlane — and loaded her slingbow as well. 

The six streaking pegasi converged on a point just over our head and began to spin, faster and faster, until they’d created a huge, lens-shaped cloud that hovered ominously over us like a flying saucer from beyond the starry curtain. Their handiwork completed, the six shot back up behind their cloud curtain while we waited.

“We’re going to die!” Lily proclaimed. 

“Lily dear, it’s a cloud. They make clouds all the time!” Carrot Top said somewhat irritably. 

“But it’s a scary cloud!” Lily’s ears splayed back as she considered the doom that awaited us.

“If you’re afraid, don’t do it. if you’re already doing it, don’t be afraid!” I spoke with uncharacteristic force that took even myself by surprise once more.

“Eep! Sorry, Linky! I’ll just be waiting then…” Lily loaded and took aim up at the sky. 

We were arranged in the circle trench with myself at twelve o’clock facing north and Daisy at six o’clock. Ten and two were claimed by Cherry Berry and Carrot Top, with Lily Valley claiming eight, and Roseluck claiming four. Whoever was the first to see the attack angle would call it out, and everyone would turn to fire in that direction. Things would get slightly more complicated if they split up, but I told them to support the pony closest to you under threat in the event of multiple threats. 

The first attack came from three and nine o’clock. In groups of three they flew in low and strafed us with snowballs thrown from both of their front hooves.  Supporting Cherry while Daisy supported Carrot Top, I nearly scored a hit on Blossomforth twice: my first on the approach where she thought she was out of my range — big mistake there, sweetie — and my second after they passed. Thunderlane, who hadn’t seen his leader’s mistake, was struck while hovering at what he thought was a safe distance.

“Anyone hit?” I asked.

“They killed me, Linky.” said Cherry matter-of-factly. “It looks like we got one of theirs though.” 

Thunderlane circled low and landed outside the trench near Roseluck who looked as if Hearth’s Warming Eve had just come early.

“Nice shot, Rose.” Thunderlane sighed. “I always get killed first.”

“You’re pretty hard to miss handsome!” she replied seductively.

With Cherry down, I moved to one o’clock. 

The pegasi did a pass just out of our range to scout us out. They weren’t about to make the mistake of assuming we couldn’t hit them at range. Taking note of our new position they massed themselves and swung in from twelve o’clock to take advantage of our weakened position. 

“Fire one to scatter and one to kill. Bring them down!” I shouted.

I saw the pegasi drift apart moving to different altitudes to baffle us. A similar idea to our circle trench to decrease their chances of being hit. Our first volley was very close, disrupting their formation badly. When they passed over our trench, we all fired off our second volley at near point-blank range. At least eight snowballs has passed all around me and somehow missed, but my own shot struck Medley in the belly. 

My celebration was cut short when I realized that I was the only one to score a hit, and that Lily and Daisy were both history. Fortunately for us, the pegasi did not immediately turn to finish us off. I considered that a poor tactical decision of their part, but I then again I can’t fly so maybe I’m wrong.

“I’m sorry, Linky! I was so close, but I just couldn’t tell where they were. It all happens so fast…” Lily’s eyes began to tear up.

“Don’t yeh worry Lily, I’m going to wring their feathery necks for yeh!” said Carrot Top, our parents Coltic accent coming through as thick as I can remember. 

“Good luck you three! Kick their flanks for us!” Daisy shouted and the two left the trench.

“They’re going to repeat what just worked for them. We need to get lucky, gals! Roseluck, I want you to fire as many shots into their formation as you can to keep them off balance, while we put away anypony who gets near our trench. Since there are so few of us, we face them in a triangle formation. I’ll take the peak.”

“Yes ma’am!” Roseluck loaded again.

Seems I read their intentions well as they wheeled around lazily after their pass, re-adjusted to compensate for the loss of another pony, and continued forward towards ten o’clock. I could almost sense the latent smug coming off of them. I hate smug!

They launched straight towards ten o’clock and I took up position. Behind me my comrades were forming the base of my triangle. Flying towards us at top speed, they suddenly split into two and sailed around us firing one-hoofed. Big mistake! After missing with my first shot, my second slammed into the side of Cloud Kicker as she flew past. Roseluck by chance also dealt a lucky blow to Raindrops before they reached us.

Sadly, it would be Roseluck’s last service to the cause as the pegasi gunned her down with retaliatory snowball fire.

“You fought bravely, Rosebutt. Great work, we’re all tied up!” 

The two remaining pegasi conferred with each other and began to circle our trench, flying in opposite directions. It seems that once their numbers had depleted, the pegasi go in for one last all-or-nothing struggle.

“Get ready to fire as quickly as you can, Carrot Top! They’ll be on top of us at any moment!” I loaded my slingbow and tried to decide who I’d target. Their spinning was starting to make me dizzy. I hoped they were on the verge of puking themselves.

“Come down here and pay for messing with my Lily!” Carrot Top demanded.

Whether they heard her or chose that moment I can’t be sure, but the two chose that moment to his us from opposite directions. Blossomforth struck first, missing me by mere inches. Determined to make her pay I fired back and missed. Horseapples! She quickly snatched another snowball and launched herself at me to close the distance while I struggled to reload...

*splat!* 

“No!” Blossomforth hung her head, still suspended by her wings, and she knew that she’d been beat. Carrot Top had not only somehow dispatched Dizzy Twister, but saved my rump for good measure. 

“Way to go Carrot! Woohoooooo!” I did a silly victory dance in the trench. 

She didn’t seem to have heard me though. She was giving Lily a hug, and I noticed Lily was returning the gesture, running a hoof through her forelock. Nice!

“I wouldn’t have believed it I hadn’t been there to see it: A group of earth ponies with slingshots shooting us out of the sky! Your tactics are unsettling to say the least, but they were no doubt effective.” The others nodded as Medley spoke. “Truly you were born to be the punishment of the goddesses as your hero had been. Congratulations on your victory, Linky, we look forward to facing you again.” 

“Ugh! So close. Guess you beating the unis wasn’t a fluke after all. You earth ponies really are made of stern stuff! We’ll be wanting a rematch!” Blossomforth added, as if she was worried I might run off laughing.

“Later. Lets enjoy Hearth’s Warming, and then all three of our teams can get together and put something together.” After clopping hooves, I left Blossomforth to rejoin my team who themselves had been joined by the Apple Clan: Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Big Mac. 

“Sure wish ah coulda been up here to see it all happen. Ya’ll must be proud.” Applejack tipped the brim of her stetson to us.

“Eeyep!” Big Macintosh added.

“Cain ah join too? I wanna get mah cutie mark!” The little filly looked up at me expectantly.

“Sorry kiddo. Maybe when you’re older,” I replied gently. 

“Awwww!” The little filly’s ears and even her the big, red bow tied to her mane seemed to sag with disappointment. 

“Up for another trip into town, ladies?” I asked everypony. Having been denied another shot at earning a cutie mark, Apple Bloom had taken the powder.

“How about ya’ll have dinner at mah place? I reckon we can spare another keg of cider.” Applejack winked at me. “Perhaps two for this mare’s thirst!”

I felt embarrassed for the fact that I was being viewed as a heavy drinker. “I might have a sip or two, but I promise not to have any more than that. We appreciate your gracious offer and accept.” I bowed to the apple farmer respectfully. 

After agreeing to meet up later with everypony, I left with Carrot Top. 

Walking over country roads back to main road, I couldn’t help but mention what I’d seen after the battle ended. “Hey sis?” 

“What is it, Linky?” Carrot Top seemed someone worried about my tone.

“I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I just want to say that I’m happy for you. You two are a great fit for each other and I’m really pulling for you both to get together.” I put a comforting hoof on her back.

“I guess I am pretty obvious.” She sighed and shook her head, but nuzzled me back. ”Thank you, Linky.”

I returned the gesture and we continued on home without comment, intending to get cleaned up as quickly as possible. I made a promise not to get completely smashed this time around.