All of the Shorts. All of Them.
Queen Chrysalis prided herself as a master deceiver. Of course she was. It was in her very being. The trouble was that sometimes she had a habit of doing it to herself. And as her evil lyric unfolded before her, echoed by her prisoner held helpless far below, she betrayed herself.
And if the wedding they don't make
I'll end up eating all the cake.
All of it will be...
“Mine, all mine...” She cackled, licking her lips as she stared longingly at the pillar of frosting and confection across the royal chambers. She still did not relish her surprise when she'd discovered the Hat Pony's secret ingredient.
Love.
Well, love, sugar, and some strangely addicting spice.
But nonetheless. She had to restrain herself in the kitchens. But once her plan had gone off without a hitch...
“All mine...”
“Are you okay?” Shining Armor asked in that sickeningly sweet concerned voice of his.
“Of course,” she laughed. “I'm just so excited.”
“Me too. Me too....”
###
“Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. It is my great pleasure to pronounce you mare and colt.”
Chrysalis laughed. A happy, joyous laugh that brightened the room and then darkened into a cackle. It had worked. It worked! The kingdom was now hers to do with as she pleased. All she had to do was get her new 'husband' to lower the shields and the invasion would begin. Not even Celestia could stand up to their might, now.
She tapped a bit of her changeling magic at Shining Armor. But instead of doing as he was told, he trembled, and with a pop of fairy dust, turned into a changeling.
“What?” She frowned. “This is clearly an imposter.” She stamped her hooves and turned. “Princess, please--”
Princess Celestia screwed up her lips apologetically before exploding into sparkles and another changeling.
One by one, all of the audience, everypony in the royal chamber changed into their true form until it was apparent that not a single Equestrian was present. Chrysalis facehoofed.
“My children... what is the meaning of this?”
We just wanted to be at your wedding so badly! A hive-chorus echoed in her mind.
“Okay. We can still salvage this. So many of these ponies look alike, so just get back in your party gear and we'll take this from the top.”
The chamber doors swung open and the real Princess Celestia stepped in. She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head.
“Queen... Chrysalis? Can I help you?”
Chrysalis clapped another hoof against her face. “No... no, you can't.”
###
Everything continued according to plan. Chrysalis couldn't stand the way Princess Cadence's perfect skin felt around her body. She distracted herself by humming to herself, fussing with her mane, and imagining the perfect moment. Then something churned in her belly.
"Oh, no..." she groaned. "Not now."
There was no stopping it once it started, though. She gave a quick look around to make sure that no one was watching. Then she quietly hoofed open a broom closet and shoved her hindquarters in.
…
After several minutes of panting, stretching, and unnatural contortions, she splashed the last fresh, green egg down into a pile and wiped a bit of sweat from her brow.
"My love! What in Equestria..."
She jerked her head up to see Shining Armor standing in the doorway, staring blank-faced at her and her clutch of new changelings.
"This?" She laughed nervously and flicked her wings. "Oh, honey. New princesses come from eggs. Didn't you know that?"
The stallion blinked. "Uh... wow. Really?"
"Really really," she assured him, patting him on the back and smearing a little ichor on it. "Now, we can't tell anyone about this. Our families would kill us if they knew what we'd been doing. What would your sister think?"
Shining Armor's pupils shrunk to pinpricks. "Twilight... oh... my... listen, we cannot tell anyone. Not a soul."
'Cadence' smiled. "Of course."
And waited for him to leave before falling in heap. Next evil plan, no complications. No matter how cute they were.
###
“... pronounce you mare and colt.”
Chrysalis pumped her hoof. “Yes! I am victorious! In your face, Celestia!” She slapped a hoof across Shining Armor's posterior. “Let us celebrate. With destruction and conquering and.... why are you still smiling, you tart?'
Princess Celestia leaned in and whipped the wig off of Shining Armor, unveiling none other than Prince Blueblood.
“I told you I'd find you a mare, dear,” she said calmly, roughing the prince's hair.
“She's just perfect for me!” He clapped his unshorn hooves together, ignoring the disgusted stares from the wedding-goers. “That black and blue... compliments my coat perfectly. And I always am in need of a good backup singer. Oh, I hope my new kingdom is huge. I couldn't be any happier!”
Chrysalis fell to the floor, gagging. “He loves himself... so much... it's sucking away my will to live. Help me...”
Everypony gave a demure clap and laughed delightfully. Even Celestia chuckled as the queen writhed on the carpet, her tongue hanging out, while the prince stood kissing himself in every way imaginable.
###
Princess Celestia now hung from the ceiling of her own throne room, dangling in a pit of sweet, viscous green liquid. She couldn't move, or talk, or any of those annoying things. Chrysalis enjoyed the peace between running her wretched fillies into a trap and putting the bride and groom exactly where she wanted them.
“I will wait no longer,” she declared, slurping her sharp insect fangs. “I must feed.”
“You won't get away with this!” Cadence howled.
The changeling queen laughed. “I'm afraid, dear princess, I already have. And there's nothing you can do about it.”
She stepped closer. Closer. Each movement bringing her closer to what she'd been yearning for all this time. “Don't rush it,” she murmured to herself. “Savor it...”
She paused and glanced back at the hanging Celestia. “Mm. I know this is going to hurt you the most, princess.”
Her maw opened wide and her fangs flashed before she bore them down and a splatter of frosting shot across her cheeks. Chrysalis dug in and destroyed the wedding cake, moaning and salivating the whole way. Princess Celestia's eyes widened as the changeling gobbled her way down each tier, covered in cake gore with no signs of stopping.
“You're a monster.” Cadence hissed.
Celestia let a little sob.
###
It was over. All over. Princess Celestia captured, Twilight and her friends in writhing buggy chains, and the lovebirds could do nothing to stop her. Not even their crazy love magic. One giant light show and a shock wave later, the queen of the changelings felt herself paffed backwards a few inches in the air. The couple fell in a heap. Love had failed.
“Equestria is mine. And there's nothing you can do about it!”
Every pony's head hung low in defeat. Then the doors groaned open, framing a strange metal pillar on a cart, towering towards the ceiling, pushed by a strange young colt.
“Snails?” Twilight groaned. “Get out of here. No one wants to see you!”
“Watch and learn,” the colt drawled. He slapped a switch on the side of the pillar and it exploded with a hum and light.
“What is this?” Chrysalis' eyes widened. “It's so... so... shiny. I can't... I must...”
Wings buzzing, she lifted from the ground and flew towards the light. Once she'd gotten close enough, a bright blue bolt jumped to her antennae and sizzled. She bobbed back in the air.
“Ow! Stop that! Why you...”
And drove at it again. Another crack of electricity surged through the air. Soon the Queen was sobbing and battering her smoking husk against the giant bug zapper.
Twilight cautioned a look out the window. The flashes she'd been seeing were not from destruction and chaos, but more of the absurd pest control devices put up throughout the cities as Changelings knocked themselves out on them in droves.
She freed Cadence, broke the spell on Shining Armor, leaving everypony to look up at Celestia's strange imprisonment.
“How do we get her out of there?”
Every other second was perpetuated by a frustrated scream from Chrysalis and a flash of light as she relentlessly thrust herself at the zapper. Snails looked quite, quite proud of himself.
“I don't know,” sighed Twilight.
A loud pop sounded above them and green slime poured from the ceiling, drenching the purple filly. Celestia fell on Twilight in a heap and coughed up a bit more slime.
Soon they were all standing, covered in green smelly sludge and looking around awkwardly as Chrysalis plunged helplessly against the light.
“It might be better if we just pretend all of this never happened,” muttered Twilight.
“I think you're right, my student,” muttered Celestia. And they all shuffled out of the hall without another word.
“Ow.... ow! Damnit... ow! You're going to pay for this... why is... it so shiny!? Ow...”