Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

by Justice3442

First published

Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants, the beloved being from beyond Eqestria's skies who also resides in a land flooded with magic much as if Starswirl the Bearded's basement was flooded, senses that Twilight Sparkle needs her help.

Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants, the beloved being from beyond Equestria's skies who also resides in a land flooded with magic much as if Starswirl the Bearded's basement was flooded, senses that Twilight Sparkle needs her help.

Now if only ponies would stop screaming or throwing up every time they laid eyes upon her.

Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants created by TheShadowStone

Prologue

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Prologue

-ooooooo-

Hidden between the sun, moon, and Equestria, in the veil of space where reality is thin and magic floods the land like milk (that is also magic) resides a special being. A creature of light and darkness, of rainbows and crystals, of hopes and starlight, of neon and happiness, of power and hope, of wisdom and hopefulness.

Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants’ eyelids fluttered open as if she was suddenly awoken from an ancient and powerful slumber. Her large, but also delicate, breezee lashes quivered slightly against the purple flowing magic of her eyes. “I must go!” she announces to nothing, but possibly also everything. “Princess Twilight Sparkle needs me!”

With that, Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants disappeared into thick magical air in a puff of sparkly rainbow neon smoke.

Chapter 1: Twilight Sparkle. Applejack, and Spike

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 1: Twilight Sparkle. Applejack, and Spike

-ooo-

Sunlight poured out from the perfect Ponyville day and into the council room of Twilight’s new castle, filling the room with welcome light. The two large windows of the room had been left open to let the gentle warmth of the day in. Twilight smiled contently to herself as she sat in her purplish-white stone chair and did something she very rarely did, voluntarily look up from a book without prompt.

Not that the book was dull. In fact, Twilight enjoyed every word from the old text that discussed ruling a kingdom at length. However, she had learned that time with your friends was also precious, especially when things such as massive, magic-eating tyrants could appear and take them away at a moment’s notice.

On that note, she decided to check up on one of her oldest and dearest friends, the dragon sitting next to her in a small stone chair of his own.

“The Power Ponies taking out the villains again, Spike?” Twilight asked cheerfully.

Spike looked up from his comic book with a smile. “You know it!”

Twilight smiled back and then looked across the center of the room to another chair. “How about you, A.J.? How’s your book?”

Applejack looked up from the paperback book that depicted ponies all wearing wide-brimmed cowboy hats, out in some sandy town. “A rivetin’ tale about ol’ timey desperados if ever there was one,” she replied with a grin.

Twilight nodded. “I’m surprised to see you here. Not that I mind of course, I just figured you’d be busy with farm work.”

Applejack smiled and shrugged with her shoulders. “Well it was rather light on the chores today, and shoot, Ah got a fancy chair. Might as well take advantage of it.”

Twilight gave her friend one more smile and looked back down at her own book. Thank Celestia it’s finally peace—

Suddenly, there was a melodic sound as if a balloon that was full of soothing harp music was suddenly popped. Shimmering, dark, rainbow smoke filled the center of the room as Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Spike suddenly looked up. The smoke began to dissipate and drift out the castle windows allowing the occupants of the room to see the new arrival.

The two ponies and the dragon stared at the being in front of them as their minds desperately tried to process it. Whatever it was, it looked vaguely pony-shaped, stood at Celestia’s height, had a shimmering mane that was every color of the rainbow, possessed a body as dark as the night itself, shimmering gossamer wings, a large curved unicorn horn, rainbow striped front legs, one backleg of a dragon, one purple striped leg, a rainbow colored dragons tail that ended in a bright white tuft, breezee antenna, breeze eyelashes, a bat-pony ear. Her left eye sparkled like crystal emeralds and her right sparkled like crystal rainbow gemstones that also changed color. Her face and flank sported matching sun-moon-magic cutie marks. Finally she wore the element of magic atop of her sparkling, rainbow-colored mane.

She opened her mouth and spoke with an echoing voice, like someone speaking from beyond time itself. “Greetings, my little ponies.”

As the being’s soothing voice reverberated in her ears, Applejack knew with sudden clarity what she must do. She turned towards one of the open windows and made a gallop for it. She then stuck her head out and promptly lost her lunch.

BAARAARRAAPHRAGGRAAAAAPHHH…!

“Applejack!” Twilight cried in alarm. “Are you alright?!”

Applejack looked up sheepishly from the window. “I’m sorry… cough… Twi… I jus’…” Applejack’s cheeks puffed out and she suddenly ducked her head down again. “BRRRRRAFFFRGHAAA…!” Applejack looked back up as she took a few deep breaths. “Huff… Puff… I just couldn’t help… it… I took one look at her and my stomach started churning…”

“I hear that,” Spike said.

“Spike!” Twilight snapped. “Don’t be rude to uh… visitors…”

“What?!” Spike protested. “I mean… there’s weird looking and then there’s this!” Spike said as he motioned to the majestic being which stood majestically in the center of the council room.

“Be not afraid,” the being of deep darkness and bright brightness said as it trotted up to Spike and placed radiant, rainbow colored forehoof on his shoulder. “Though I may look imposing, I bring you only glad tidings.”

“OH CELESTIA, IT TOUCHED ME!” Spike yelled as he quickly dove behind his chair. He peaked out frightful at the imposing, but also kind looking creature that towered over him.

“Ah motion we try to kill it!” Applejack said as she wiped a forearm over her muzzle.

“SECOND!” Spike screamed.

The being of infinite glowing and twinkling compassion smiled and nodded at Applejack. “Ah, the element of honesty. Your frankness is appreciated.”

“Oh! No!” Applejack cried. “It knows who we are!” She turned towards Twilight. “Please say we can kill it!” Applejack exclaimed.

“Hey!” Twilight cried. “She seems friendly… The least we can do is give… uh…her…?” Twilight looked up at the being who shimmered darkly in the sunlight.

The being that glittered deeply in the light of the sun nodded.

“… Her a chance,” Twilight said.

“I thank you Princess Twilight.” The really tall and also unfathomably pretty being said. “Allow me to introduce myself… I am the long hidden child of Princess Celestia and Discord—”

Twilight’s eyes shot open wide. “Princess Celestia and Discord had a child?! I can’t believe—”

“—Also Princess Luna,” the being continued.

Twilight narrowed her eyes slightly and frowned. “Yep. I can’t believe it.”

“… and Queen Chrysalis—”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Okay, even with magic that’s basically impossi—”

“—And King Sombra, the Queen of the Breezies, and the Zebra King.”

Applejack stared at the massive colorful being which was also as dark as the night with a blank expression. “That musta been one hellava orgy.”

Spike covered his mouth with a claw and puffed out his cheeks as he made a muffled gurgling sound.

“Applejack!” Twilight said in a chastising tone. “Not in front of Spike!”

With a pained swallowing, Spike slowly removed his claw and looked up at the massive dark and also bright and rainbow colored entity. “Wait, so no dragon?”

The being of immense physical, mental, and magic power took a few steps up to Spike and looked down at him. “I possess the heart of a dragon.”

Spike gulped. “Figuratively or literally?

“Yes!”

Spike turned, made a mad dash for the unoccupied windows and promptly lost his own lunch out of it. “GLRAAARGHAAARGHAAAARGHGHAAACHCHC…!

Twilight glanced at Spike in concern, then her eyes slowly drifted back to the being of great… uh… greatness. “Uh… I’m afraid to ask…” Twilight said. “But do you have a name?”

“Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants!” Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants informed. Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants smiled. “You may call me ‘P-CRaMPs’.”

Twilight and Applejack raised an eyebrow each and exchanged glances.

“Motion to call her ‘Magic Pants’?” Twilight said.

Applejack nodded. “Second.”

Twilight looked off into the corner where Spike continued to huddle. “Spike?”

MaAaAaAaAaAaAaAake it go away!” Spike screamed from the window.

Twilight nodded. “The motion passes.”

Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants bowed slightly. “‘Magic Pants’ it is, your highness.”

“Alright so… why are you here, exactly?” Twilight said.

“I came, because I sensed you need my help in your new role as Princess of Friendship.”

Twilight blinked a few times and looked about her new throne room. “Na… noooo?”

“Equestria is full of strife!” Magic Pants continued. “The races distrust and war with each other!”

Twilight and Applejack looked at each other briefly and chuckled.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight began, “but you must be mistaken. After the defeat of Tirek, earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi are enjoying a welcome peace with one another.”

“Oh, but it is not just those three races I am talking about! I must bring all the races together!”

Twilight frowned. “Wait, by all do you mean…”

“Ponies! Gryphons! Changeling! Breezees! All must unify together in friendship.”

Twilight frowned. “Well… I mean aside from Changelings, all those races…” Twilight trailed off as she looked up at Magic Pants crown. “Is that… Is that the element of magic on your head?!”

Magic Pants nodded causing her already luxurious hair to ripple even more beautifully than it already was. “Yes, I too, possess the element of magic. I can also raise the sun and the moon.”

“That’s uh…” Twilight trailed off as she searched for the proper words.

“Completely OP?!” Spike suggested.

“Patently ridiculous!” Applejack chimed in.

Twilight frowned. “… It’s something alright…”

“Wait, you said gryphons,” Applejack said. “Are ya part gryphon, too?”

Magic Pants’s luscious dark lips opened wide exposing her radiant teeth. “I have the spleen of a gryphon!”

Spike proceeded to lose more of his lunch out the window. “BRARFRAGHAAAGHRAAAAGHAAAA…!

“Right, sorry I asked,” Applejack said.

Magic Pants’s shimmering, sparkling eyes suddenly went wide, her right eye shifting colors rapidly. “I sense a disturbance in the balance of friendship!”

Twilight gave Magic Pants a sheepish look. “Aaaand that means… what… exactly?”

“I must meet with the other elements of harmony!”

“Okay, but why?” Twilight asked.

“Because there is a disturbance in the balance of friendship!”

“Okay, but you never—”

Magic Pants suddenly made a mad dash out the room. “Quickly make haste! There’s no time to spare!”

“What?!” Twilight cried. “Why?! What’s going to happen?!”

HASTE!” Magic Pants cried back. Her voice echoing in the halls like a thousand melodic angel voices.

Twilight sighed and looked up pleadingly at Applejack who rolled her eyes and also sighed as she trotted away from the window. Twilight smiled then looked towards Spike. “Coming Spi—”

Spike inhaled as much air as his lungs could hold. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chapter 2: Rainbow Dash

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 2: Rainbow Dash

-ooo-

Twilight and Applejack raced out of the massive yellow double-doors of the stone and crystal castle. They stood at the top of the set of yellow stairs for a second and scanned the area.

“Shoot!” Twilight exclaimed. “I don’t see her.”

Applejack shook her head. “Me neither.”

Twilight continued descending the stairs, Applejack followed right behind her.

“Well hopefully she hasn’t gotten far,” Twilight said as she galloped onto the path in front of her castle.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah’m sure we can just listen for the sounds of ponies retchin’ if anything else.”

RAAAARAAARRAAGHGHGRAAAA…!

“What in tarnation?!” Applejack cried as an unusually chunky and brown-colored rain suddenly ‘splatted’ onto the ground a few yards away from her.

Twilight and Applejack looked up to see a queasy Rainbow Dash lean her head and forehooves over the side of a cloud several yards above the ground.

“Rainbow Dash,” Twilight shouted up. “Have you seen a large, vaguely pony-shaped, black, rainbow, and neon-colored… thing?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Twi, I think she’s seen her…”

Rainbow Dash pointed to a cloud hovering just slightly to the side and above hers. Magic Pants poked her marvelous head out from around it. “Hello Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, I was just conversing with the element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow Dash ran her arm over her muzzle. “Twilight, what the heck is that thing?!”

“It uhShe claims to be the child of pretty much everyone important in Equestria.”

“What the huh?” Rainbow replied.

Applejack shook her head. “Don’t think about it too hard, sugarcube. You’re better off not knowing.”

“Alright, well… Where did she come from?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Magic Pants gave Rainbow Dash a smile full of her perfectly white teeth that glinted in the sunlight. “I come from a magical realm where brilliant magical light shines through every hole and every crack!”

Rainbow Dash turned stared blankly at Magic Pants for a second. “Right, forget I asked…”

“I’m glad we found you,” Twilight said. “We’re trying to figure out what to do with Magic Pants here.”

Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a confused look, her face still slightly green. “Magic Pants?”

“My full name is Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants!” the being of superbly good looks informed.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I’m not sure why I keep asking questions…”

“We’re trying to figure out what to do with her,” Twilight said.

“Have you tried drowning her?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Dash!” Twilight said in a chastising tone.

Applejack motioned up at Rainbow Dash with her fore hooves. “See?! Rainbow thinks we should kill it.”

“A.J.!” Twilight cried. “We can’t just kill sapient beings because they look funny.”

“She’s also really weird!” Rainbow Dash said. “Like… really, really weird!

Twilight gave out a heavy sigh.

“Friends!” Magic Pants said in a melodic voice full of mirth and wonder. “Perhaps I can be of assistance! I can use my harmony ray to spread understanding.”

The three mares went quiet for a beat.

“Harmony ray?” Twilight asked.

Magic Pants nodded sublimely. “It’s a ray that spreads harmony.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Well, that cleared that up!”

Applejack nodded her head. “I know what you mean, sugarcube. It’s like tryin’ to have a conversation with a hypnotized chicken.”

“… That’s actually a thing?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Applejack looked up at her. “Look it up.”

Rainbow Dash glared down at Applejack. “Maybe I will!”

“Oh no!” Magic Pants said in a slightly alarmed voice that sounded like spun gold, but not too alarmed to make it sound like she didn’t have perfect control of the situation (which she did). “Please don’t fight! I’ll power-up my ray right away!”

“Please no,” Applejack said.

“Yeah… Pass…” Rainbow Dash added.

Twilight frowned as she looked between her two friends. “Come on, you guys! Help me out a little!”

“Look Twi,” Applejack began, “I wanna see this through with you, but I’m not gonna let her shoot me with no ray!”

“Fine! No ray!” Twilight said.

“That’s fine,” Magic Pants said in a calming, soothing tone. “I can also shoot a forgiveness spray out of my—”

“NOPE!” Rainbow Dash announced, and with that she flew as fast and as far away as her wings could carry her.

Twilight sighed and smacked a hoof against her face.

Applejack just stared after the rainbow trail Rainbow Dash left behind her. “Right… Could you explain ta me again how she’s the element of loyalty, again?”

Chapter 3: Fluttershy

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 3: Fluttershy

-ooo-

Magic Pants, her magical, dark, shining fur glistening in the sunlight, pointed out towards Ponyville. “I’ve spotted another element bearer! We must make haste!”

Twilight’s face tightened slightly. “Okay, but you still haven’t explained—”

Magic Pants suddenly, but majestically, bolted from her cloud off towards the town. “HAAAAAASTE!” she cried as her gossamer wings shimmered brilliantly in the sun.

“Oh dear…” Twilight uttered as she broke into a gallop after her, Applejack close behind.

Applejack began to chant to herself. “Don’t be Fluttershy, don’t be Fluttershy, don’t be Fluttershy…”

The mares galloped as fast as their hooves would carry them as they kept an eye on the being that shimmered with a magic light flying above them.

As Twilight and Applejack crested a hill, they heard Magic Pants’s melodious voice above them.

“Ah! The element of kindness!” Magic Pants announced in her harpsichord-esque voice.

No sooner had Applejack spotted the butter-colored pegasus looking from side to side with a slightly confused look than she shouted, “Don’t look, Fluttershy!”

MEEP!” Fluttershy cried as she quickly fell to her stomach and covered her eyes with her forehooves.

Applejack breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank Celestia we found you, Fluttershy,” Twilgiht said. “We need you for… uhhh…

“… What sounds like a talking harpsichord?” Fluttershy asked.

Applejack sighed. “It’s Magic Pants…”

“… Magical talking Pants?” Fluttershy said.

“No,” Twilight said. “She’s like… uh… a pony?”

“… Erm… Like a pony?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yes,” Applejack said. “Like… a big pony that’s been blended with a bunch of other stuff.”

“… Like Discord?” Fluttershy suggested.

Applejack paused and thought about this. “Well, it’s more like Discord was also thrown in with the big pony and the other stuff. Like when you’re makin’ apple surprise, and it’s mostly apples —which is the pony parts in this here case— but then Discord and a buncha other things get in there.”

Oh…uh… erm… okay…” Fluttershy said.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Applejack, that made basically no sense.”

Applejack wrinkled her muzzle at Twilight. “Hey! Do you know how hard it is to come up with a different farm simile e’ry time you have to make an example?!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Have you tried not inserting the fact you work on a farm into every conversation you have?!”

Uh…” Fluttershy uttered, her forehooves still over her eyes. “Should I start crawling away? This is getting kind of awkward for me… You know… more than usual.”

“Friends!” Magic Pants said as her face shined with infinite concern for the situation. “Shall I intervene? I have plenty of forgiveness spray for everypony!”

Twilight and Applejack cringed and as their faces tightened as if being sucked towards their muzzles’.

“We’re fine!” Twilight said as she quickly threw a leg around Applejack.

Applejack nodded her head up and down vigorously. “Why, we’re better friends than a cow and a milking machine!”

“Ew! A.J.!” Twilight exclaimed as she quickly removed her foreleg from around Applejack's shoulder and gave her a slightly disgusted look.

“Hey!” Applejack protested. “That was a good one and you know it!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I think it oversells the nature of our relationship just a bit.”

“What?!” Applejack cried. “I’m jus’ saying our friendship is like a doohickey one sticks underneath them that sucks and massages away all the pressures of life.”

Twilight face went crimson.

Uh… girls?” Fluttershy uttered. “Can I at least uncover my eyes so I know which way to run away from this conversation?”

Applejack and Twilight sighed.

“Maybe she should just look for herself,” Twilight suggested.

Applejack shook her head. “Ah still don’t think this is such a good idea…”

“Oh relax,” Twilight said. “Fluttershy is used to all kinds of things others consider scary. Remember the manticore?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “I do. I also distinctly remember no one throwing up when they saw it. Heck… Rarity ran right up and kicked it in the face. I don’t think—”

“Fear not!” Magic Pants said, her voice echoing melodiously in the warm Ponyville day. “The element of kindness is very accepting, and though I am nothing special to look at, I’m sure she will befriend me immediately,” said the very humble, but still beautiful rainbow-maned mare.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Right, cause it sounds like a good idea to listen to the strange mare who looks like Los Pegasus after an earthquake.”

“Applejack!” Twilight said in a chastising tone. “That’s not nice! Magic Pants can’t help the way she looks!”

Magic Pants opened her stunningly good-looking word hole. “Actually, as part changeling—”

Anyhow, we shouldn’t pass judgment based on how Magic Pants looks,” Twilight said as she pulled her face into a look of slight panic.

Her eyes still covered, Fluttershy nodded. “Oh yes! Just because something looks different, doesn’t mean there’s reason to be afraid.”

Applejack sighed. “Arlight… jus’… Don’t say I didn’t warn ya…”

Fluttershy uncovered her eyes and stood up, staring straight into Magic Pants’s beautiful eyes. Her right eye had turned pink to signify Magic Pants’s heartfelt joy at meeting Fluttershy.

“Hello, element of kindness!” Magic Pants said as she smiled inspiringly at Fluttershy. “I am so glad to make your acquaintance.”

Fluttershy took one look at Magic Pants, smiled warmly…

“BLAAARAARAAAAGRGHGHGURRGLEGARAAAAAGRAAAA…!”

… and lost her lunch.

“Consarn it!” Applejack cried as she quickly took off her hat and threw it on the ground.

“Oh, come on!” Twilight exclaimed.

Applejack shook her head as she reached down for her cowboy hat. “Ah honestly can’t believe you expected anything else to happen.”

Twilight looked up towards the sky and let out an exasperated “UHHHHHG!” She looked back down at Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, we just—”

BLUHHGHGHGHGCH!

“WE JUST WANT TO—”

GLLLAARAARAAGHGH!

“PLEASE! JUST STOP LONG ENOUGH TO—”

BAAAARPHPHRAAGHGHGHCHCH…!

Twilight sighed. “Never mind…”

“BRAAGHGHARAGHGHARRRAGHHAAAARRRRPHCHCHCHCRAAARRAPGFFFFAAAAAR…!”

“Hey!” Applejack said. “Maybe Pinkie can help! I mean…. If anyone can put up with weirdness, it’s her.”

Twilight looked up to the sky thoughtfully and tapped her chin. “Good thinking, App—”

“GLARPH…!”

“Oh come on!” Twilight exclaimed angrily as she turned towards Fluttershy. “I’m not even…”

ERGRERRPHAARRRRFFF…!”

Twilight sighed. “Let’s just go…”

RAAGRAAARAPHFFFRAAAACHCHC…!”

Chapter 4: Pinkie Pie

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 4: Pinkie Pie

-ooo-

“We must now make our way to the element of laughter!” Magic Pants announced in a voice as crisp as the morning air as Twilight, Applejack, and her trotted away from Fluttershy, who was busy sobbing uncontrollably.

Twilight turned towards Magic Pants, averting her eyes slightly as the sun above caught the crystal changeling-bat-pony-zebra-draconequus-breezie’s crystal body and fired a rainbow directly at Twilight. “Okay, but you still haven’t explained—”

“TO SUGARCUBE CORNER!” Magic Pants exclaimed in a voice like an angel’s choir accompanied by an angel’s marching band.

Twilight sighed as Magic Pants flew off. “Well… At least Pinkie might not freak out…”

“Are you sure this a good idea Twi?!” Applejack exclaimed.

“If anypony can handle Magic Pants, it’s Pinkie…”

“Maybe…” Applejack uttered. “… But who knows what she’ll do when she sees her! What if she tries to throw a big party fer her and brings her all over town?”

Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Oh no! We have to warn her!” Twilight suddenly spread her wings and took flight.

Applejack sighed. “Alright… I’ll jus’ run some more…” She uttered in a grumpy tone as she broke into a gallop. “Since I can’t fly or nothin’…”

Twilight flew at full speed, soon coming across Magic Pants as she descended to the ground, right in front of Sugar Cube corner. A few citizens of Ponyville all stopped what they were doing and fled as fast and as loudly as the could as they caught sight of Magic Pants, her magnificence simply too much for them to behold.

Magic Pants began to trot up to the front door of Sugarcube Corner, regally raising each foot before daintily setting it down once more.

Twilight quickly teleported herself in front of Magic Pants.

Magic Pants halted majestically.

“Wait!” Twilight pleaded, she leaned her head down slightly as she tried to catch her breath. “Let me just... huff… puff… just go inside and let Pinkie and any pony inside know you’re coming.”

Magic Pants gave Twilight a perplexed look as Applejack came galloping up and stood next to Twilight.

“You wish to announce me?” the brilliantly shiny pony asked as Applejack also tried to catch her breath.

Twilight stopped for a moment to think about this. “… Yes,” she answered.

Huff… puff… You mean warn other ponies…” Applejack uttered.

A small “Ooff” escaped Applejack as Twilight planted a hoof into her side while grinning nervously at Magic Pants. She wrinkled her brow and shot a small irritated glance at Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight,” Magic Pants said in a voice as warm as freshly made pancakes. “Despite the fact that I’m the most royal of royals, I am also very humble and do not expect ponies to treat me differently.”

“It’s fine!” Twilight insisted. “I mean… I know a… erm… accepting pony such as yourself will be fine with whatever you’re given… but uh… erm…”

Applejack took a half step forward. “Ah think what Twilight is tryin’ to say is that ponies would feel more comfortable if they had just a little time to prepare for yer arrival… You know… you being super royalty or whatever…”

“Oh dear…” Magic Pants uttered in a voice as gentle as the fuzzy fur of a kitten. “Well I don’t wish for ponies to feel overwhelmed by my unexpected visit.”

Twilight’s face lit up as she reached for the door. “Well, just let Applejack and I… er… mentally prepare Pinkie Pie for your arrival!”

Magic Pants waved grandly as Twilight and Applejack quickly piled into Sugarcube corner. “I shall wait patiently here to be called and simply bestow love and joy at all those who pass by,” Magic Pants said, the melodic echo of her flawless voice only slightly interrupted by a pony’s high-pitched scream from down the street.

Twilight flashed Magic Pants one last nervous grin, then closed the door after her, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thanks, A.J.”

“Sure, sugarcube,” Applejack replied. “Let’s just hope we can wrangle Pinkie from doin’ somethin’ too crazy… even by Pinkie standards.”

Twilight paused for a second. “… We’re pretty bucked, aren’t we?”

Applejack nodded. “I reckon so…”

Twilight and Applejack walked up to the front counter of Sugar Cube corner, mentally celebrating the store was empty at the moment, save the familiar pink pony smiling widely at them from behind a counter of colorful treats.

Pinkie Pie waved enthusiastically as the two approached. “Hello Twilight! Hello Applejack! Crazy screaming weather we’re having today, huh?”

Applejack pursed her lips slightly. “Well, that’s all on account of the new… sorta-pony that’s come to town.”

Pinkie gasped. “A new sorta-pony in town?! We have to throw her a not-sorta welcoming party!”

“NO!” Twilight exclaimed. “No party! Not yet…”

“No party?!” Pinkie cried in disbelief. “We can’t have that! How will all the ponies of Ponyville enjoy the splonderful feeling of meeting some pony new if we don’t throw a big ‘ol party?!”

“By keepin’ as far away from this gal as possible!” Applejack answered.

“A.J., seriously!” Twilight cried. “Can you at least try to work this out with me here?”

“Well, you know as well as Ah do that a party is a bad idea…” Applejack turned and cocked an eyebrow at Pinkie. “‘Splonderful’?”

Pinkie frowned at Applejack. “Splendid plus wonderful, d’uuuuuh! And since when is it a bad idea to throw a party, ever?!

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ow…” she exclaimed as she raised a forehoof to said eyebrow.

Twilight tilted her head slightly and looked at Applejack in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Ah need to switch which eyebrow I raise for a bit,” Applejack said as she raised and lowered her other eyebrow a bit. “Ah think I’ve overworked one…” She turned back to Pinkie. “An’ remember the day my family was sad ‘cause Winona’s mom passed?”

Pinkie pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “… Okay, ‘Happy dead pet day’ was kinda a bad idea, but this is a welcome party! Aside from birthday parties, they’re like… the most important parties ever!

“Pinkie?” Twilight began. “While Applejack’s delivery could use some work—”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Jus’ tryin’ to keep an awful lot of pony breakfasts and lunches from comin’ out the wrong end…”

Twilight creased her brow and shot an irritated glance out into wall-passed Pinkie. “—she’s right in that our new arrival is maybe not party material… because of erm… reasons…”

“Reasons?” Pinkie replied. “What kind of reasons?! Ooo! Ooo! Is she too sassy? Clashy? Trashy? Gas—”

Applejack quickly placed a forehoof against Pinkie’s mouth as she looked at Twilight. “Twilight?” she said. “Ah think its okay to admit that Magic Pants is so utterly bizarre-looking, we’re having to be cautious about who sees her.”

Outside, a group of school-aged foals all screamed and ran past one of the windows of Sugarcube corner.

Applejack frowned. “Even if we’re no good at it…”

“Wait children!” Magic Pants cried from outside in a voice as inviting as a freshly laundered welcome mat. “I only wish to share the magical candy produced from my sweet glands!”

Twilight sighed heavily and hung her head.

Pinkie gasped. “Magic Pants! Best name ever! And she sweats… sweets…? Candy! I knew my horrorscope was wrong when it said I’d be visited by unimaginable horror!

Twilight looked up at Pinkie. “Actually, her full name is Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants.”

Pinkie depleted the area in front of her of oxygen. “EVEN BETTER NAME!”

Applejack creased her brow at Pinkie slightly. “I think you meant ‘horoscope’, not ‘horrorscope’, sugarcube.”

Pinkie shook her head. “No! My horoscope said that today I’d wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep! So far, it’s been dead on…”

Twilight shot Pinkie a quizzical look. “Wait, so you actually have something that gives you a daily ‘horrorscope’?

Pinkie nodded. “Yepper! But it pretty much says the same thing every day…” Pinkie rolled her eyes, a happy smile still on her face. “I don’t even know why I even check it!”

“Well, it jus’ may come true today,” Applejack said.

“A.J.!” Twilight said sternly.

“What?” Applejack protested. “She’s pretty dang scary-lookin’! You know it, I know it, everypony who’s seen her today knows it…”

“Oh, silly fillies!” Pinkie said with a dismissive wave of her forehoof. “It’s not the outside that counts, but the insides! And inside everypony is the same army of tiny gnome-ponies that take our food and deliver it to the parts of the body it needs to go to!”

Applejack raised an eyebrow, taking care to choose the one she hadn’t pulled just minutes ago. “Pinkie, Ah’m not sure you have a completely accurate grasp about how the insides of ponies work…”

Twilight raised a forehoof. “It’s fine, I’m sure Pinkie can handle a little weirdness.”

Applejack lowered her eyebrow, turned to Twilight, then raised it again. “A little?”

“Applejack! That’s not nice!”

Applejack shook her head. “I’ve jus’ seen what too many ponies had to eat after them gnomes had gotten to it.”

Twilight let out a frustrated groan.

“Gee, Applejack,” Pinkie said. “You seem to be talking a lot about pony’s food and where it ends up today,” she mused.

“Yer about to find out why,” Applejack uttered.

“She’ll be fine!” Twilight insisted in a voice that hinted that she was trying to convince herself as well as anypony.

“You hear that, Applejack?” Pinkie asked. “I’ll be fine! And if Twilight’s princess sense says it’s true, it must be.”

Twilight cocked her head slightly and raised an eyebrow. “Pinkie, that’s not a thing…”

The front door to Sugarcube Corner suddenly opened, revealing the being of splonderful beauty on the other side. “Is some pony in need of my princess sense?!” Magic Pants asked in a voice as full of concern as it was with illustriousness.

Pinkie grinned wide and turned towards the door. “Oh Helloooh-hoooo-oooooh-noooo…

“Ah, The Element of Laughter!” Magic Pants said as she fluttered up next to Applejack and Twilight and extended a forehoof. “It’s a pleasure! I too spread mirth and merriment wherever I go!”

Pinkie held her giant grin for a couple seconds before her eye twitched and she let out a high-pitched shriek. “AAAAAIEEEEEEE! Kill it! Kill it!

“Pinkie, calm down!” Twilight exclaimed. “She’s just here to help! … I think…”

Pinkie reached into her display case and started flinging cupcakes at Magic Pants. “KILL IT!

‘Splat! Splat!’

Awww...” Magic Pants uttered with a smile as cupcakes splattered against her body. “She’s bestowing gifts upon me!”

“KILL IT WITH FIRE!” Pinkie suddenly reached into her mane and pulled out a can of hairspray and a silver lighter. Despite the immense fear she felt at even looking upon Magic Pants, she leaned forward onto the case and held the lighter and can of hairspray mere inches away from the crystalline being whose mane continued to shimmer with beautiful neon rainbow light.

“Twilight!” Applejack cried as she pulled Twilight away from the front case. “Get down!”

“PINKIE!” Twilight cried, extending a forehoof as Applejack dragged her back several feet. “WAIT!

Pinkie didn’t wait. She, in fact, did the opposite of ‘wait’, which in this case meant quickly creating a small flame with her lighter and spraying the hairspray at it. A small inferno suddenly erupted from the can and lighter.

“Pinkie! NO!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Welp,” Applejack said as she tilted her hat up, “coulda been worse…”

Magic Pants giggled as the flames licked her face. “And she does tricks! She is truly the Element of Laughter.”

Applejack sighed. “It’s worse…”

“OH CELESTIA!” Pinkie shrieked as she ceased spraying Magic Pants with flames. “She can’t be killed! I need… I think I need to throw up…”

Pinkie made a mad dash for bathroom.

Twilight let out a frustrated groan and turned to Applejack. “When she gets out, do you think we can convince her to stick around and help figure out what to do with Magic Pants?”

Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “She tried to set her on fire, Twilight. Unless ye’re lookin’ for some other way to off this crock-pot of mystery stew, I think maybe we just write off Pinkie and move onto… onto…” Applejack frowned and trailed off.

Twilight sighed heavily. “Rarity?”

Magic Pants nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! We should make haste to the Element of Generosity.”

Applejack hung her head. “Oh, this won’t be pretty…”

Magic Pants suddenly reached out for Twilight and Applejack and pulled them close to her. “Hold tightly to my friendship flank, friends.”

“… What?” Twilight uttered as her face contorted in confusion.

“… Pass…” Applejack said.

“We shall teleport directly to Carousel Boutique!” Magic Pants announced in a voice as soothing as aloe on sun-burnt skin.

Applejack frowned heavily as she quickly hooked an arm around one of Magic Pants’ back legs. “Teleport? Ya mean we aren’t gonna warn—”

‘PIZZAAAAAP!’

Chapter 5: Rarity

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 5: Rarity

-ooo-

‘PIZZAAAAAP!’

“… her…” Applejack said, trailing off with an irritated look as she, Twilight, and Magic Pants (whose luscious, glowing, neon-rainbow hair billowed about her in the breezeless room) suddenly appeared in amongst the racks of colorful clothing in Carousel Boutique.

“Behold!” Magic Pants said in a grandiose tone that also highlighted her great humility as she motioned out to the boutique in a stately, yet humble manner. “The dwelling of the Element of Generosity.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Yes, we’ve all been to Rarity’s boutique, thanks.”

Hrmmm…” Twilight hummed thoughtfully as she glanced around. “No sign of Rarity, maybe she’s out at the moment?”

“We sure lucked out then,” Applejack said. “I doubt she’d react any better than any other pony so far.”

“Hello?” Rarity called out from a nearby room. “Is somepony out there?”

Applejack sighed heavily. “We just can’t catch a break today, can we?”

“It’s Applejack and me!” Twilight called. “We have an, erm… situation that requires your attention… apparently.”

“Oh, well I’ll be right there, darling!”

“No wait!” Applejack cried. “Rarity, don’t just—”

Rarity suddenly appeared in the doorway, her red sewing glasses perched on her muzzle.

“Hello Rarity, the Element of Generosity bearer,” Magic Pants greeted with all the skill of a butler for a deific being. “It is an honor to meet you.”

Applejack sighed. “—walk in here…”

Rarity said nothing as her eyes drifted onto Magic Pants. Her expression remained neutral as she looked over the superbly glowing and sparkling being.

Twilight tilted her head and stared at Rarity, as if waiting for some sort of reaction. She motioned to Magic Pants. “Uh… Rarity… this is Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants… We’ve been calling her ‘Magic Pants’. She needs to see you for… erm… some reason that really isn’t clear to us yet.”

“I see…” Rarity said with a bod. She suddenly smiled. “Excuse me everypony, I’ve been working several hours non-stop and must take a short break to freshen up. Give me a brief minute or two and I’ll happily assist with whatever you may need.”

Magic Pants beamed with teeth as white as a great being that was voiced or even played by Morgan Freeman. “Marvelous, you truly are the Element of Generosity.”

Huh…” Applejack uttered as she watched Rarity trot off into a nearby room and close the door after her. “She took that way better than expec—”

“GLORPHRGHGHARARAAARRRGH!”

Applejack scrunched her lips up. “Never mind…”

Twilight sighed heavily. “Is everypony going to do that when they see Magic Pants?! It’s getting old.”

Applejack shook her head. “Twilight, I think yer just gonna have to accept that Magic Pants is just so bizarre lookin’ to most ponies that they can’t help but lose their lunch when they see her.”

Magic Pants nodded splendidly, then raised a forehoof to her forehead with all the grace of thirty swans who knew ballet and ice skating performing a choreographed number. “My looks are both a gift and a curse! Oh, woe is me! If only if I were not gift-cursed with such shimmering beauty too stunning for mortal ponies to properly take in at first glance!”

Applejack sighed heavily. “If only.”

Twilight gave Applejack an indignant look. “I’ve managed to hold my food down this entire time! I really don’t get what the big deal is!”

“Twi, yer always working on that crazy magic stuff. I don’t even wanna know half the things you’ve seen.”

>-ooooooo-<

Spike slowly pushed open the door to his and Twilight’s quarters in Canterlot Castle. These quarters happened to be a spacious, multi-floored ‘room’ that functioned as both his and Twilight’s bedroom, as well as Twilight’s study, laboratory and personal library. A massive, multi-story tall window flooded the area with daylight along with many other smaller windows. Despite how easy one might think it was to see inside their quarters, the whole thing was set atop a massive spire of the castle so that its height and distance from the other spires kept what happened inside rather private.

Despite how great all of these seemed at first glance, there were many aspects of the quarters that Spike had grown to dislike. The fact that the quarters served as Twilight’s personal laboratory, the fact that almost no one could see what was going on inside, and the fact that the light made it so easy to see what was going on when one was inside were a few good examples.

“Hey, Twilight. What’s shakiahAhaHAHAAAAAAAAA!”

Today would be no exception. To Spike’s disgust and horror, his purple unicorn roommate held aloft some… thing with her magic next to her work area of potions and books. Spike could only describe the thing as a small mixture of lumpy flesh, long-black hairs that seemed to poke out in all directions, and blood that covered the creature in a messy and seemingly sticky layer.

“Spike! You’re just in time!” Twilight said cheerfully.

Spike gulped. “Please say you need me to set that thing on fire! I’m sure the smell will be horrific, but it can’t be worse than looking at it!”

“Oh Spike, don’t be silly!” Twilight said as she shook her head. “This is a mythical creature from the land of Nippony known as a ‘Sankai’—

Spike crossed a pair of claws and began chanting quality to himself. “Don’t say you’re studying it… Don’t say you’re studying it… Don’t say you’re studying it…”

“—I had it sent here so I could study it!”

“CELESTIA DAMN IT!”

Twilight furrowed her brow at Spike. “Language, young dragon!”

Suddenly the Sankai opened it’s ‘mouth’, or at least some sort of orifice that seemed to contain a set of teeth randomly placed within a circular opening. It made a strange gurgling sound as blood oozed from the opening and dripped to the floor.

Hehe, Oh dear,” Twilight said as she looked at the puddle of fresh blood on the floor. “Spike, would you get the mop?”

Spike cringed. “Fine… but then I’m taking the hottest, longest bath in all of Equestrian history.”

“Spike, there’s no time for that now!” Twilight insisted. “I need you to shave the Sankai while I hold it down!”

<-ooooooo->

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “Well maybe other ponies should open a few more books and explore the wonders of Equestria’s magical creatures!”

“Oh no, you mustn’t fight!” Magic Pants said with all the concern of a mother to all things big, small, and also possibly smelly under creation. “I’m sure my—”

PLEASE don’t say anything about yer forgiveness spray!” Applejack cried.

Magic Pants smiled with all the tenderness of a matriarch to all beings, be they large, miniscule, or unpleasant to olfactory senses. “No, my little pony! I was going to suggest my calming torrent of unity excretion.”

The ponies went silent as the sound of a toilet flushing could be heard from the room Rarity occupied.
Applejack’s face twisted in disgust as she shuddered. “That’s mighty kind of you, but Ah really have trouble imagining being calmed down by a torrent of anything’s excretion…”

The muffled sound of running water was heard, soon followed by the light squeak of a faucet. Rarity’s bathroom door opened and the white mare herself trotted back into the room, quickly closing the door behind her. She almost looked no worse for wear, save for the dark smudges of mascara under her eyes.

“So sorry for dashing off like that,” Rarity said.

Applejack shook her head. “Believe me, yer much better off havin’ done that.”

Twilight gave Rarity an apologetic look. “Look Rarity… We’re sorry to just… pop in here like this.”

“And with this,” Applejack added as she motioned to Magic Pants.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’s just that… Well, maybe you can help. You see, ponies keep screaming and losing the contents of their stomachs every time they see Magic Pants… I thought maybe you had an outfit or could quickly make something that would distract from her… uh…”

“My beautiful, shimmering, dark radiance?” Magic Pants suggested in a helpful, melodic tone reminiscent of some sort of divinely touched librarian.

Twilight sighed. “Yeah, sure…”

Hmmm… Yes… I could see… cough… see the problem…” Rarity said as she peered at Magic Pants through her sewing glasses. “Perhaps I could stick a number of burlap sacks together. Enough to cover her… completely.”

Magic Pants smiled with the warmth of the shimmering sun. “You are indeed the most generous of ponies, Rarity. But my radiance must shine like a beacon for all of Equestria to see…”

Rarity sighed. “I predict all of Equestria will lose much weight then.”

“Rarity!” Twilight snapped.

Applejack snickered to herself.

“I’m sorry, Twilight,” Rarity said, “but you’re asking me to…” Rarity frowned. “… to…”

Applejack spoke up. “Tryin’ to put lipstick on a pig that’s also mutated and glowing from severe magical energy overdose?”

“Applejack!” Twilight cried.

Hmmm…” Rarity hummed. “That was actually a lot nicer than what I was going to suggest.”

Twilight shook her head. “Actually, I was just surprised Applejack knew about MEO.”

“Ah work a farm that’s right next door to tha Everfree forest.” Applejack’s eyes unfocused as she stared off into no direction in particular. “Ah have seen some things almost as bad as what I’ve had to deal with today.”

Magic Pants suddenly tensed, but in a regal way that showed she actually wasn’t afraid or surprised. “My rainbow sense tells me we’re needed elsewhere!”

Applejack cocked her eyebrow, which was not yet cocked out from excess cocking. “Ah thought you had a ‘princess sense’?”

Magic Pants paused, but elegantly like a videogame which, when paused, displayed the word ‘Pause’ in elegant calligraphy. “My princess sense tells me we’re needed elsewhere!” Magic Pants said in a commanding, by kind tone of voice as if she hadn’t said something similar just prior because she didn’t, and if you think she did or scroll up and see otherwise, you’re wrong and also hallucinating and maybe should go see a doctor. “We must make haste to Canterlot! To my friendship flank!” She said in her commanding, yet gentle tone.

Twilight and Applejack sighed in a tone not dissimilar to that of being asked to do menial farm labor and boring paperwork respectively as they sidestepped closer to Magic Pants and grabbed a hold of her.

Rarity gulped. “Will you be needing me for this… erm, little jaunt?” She said in a worried tone.

Applejack looked at Rarity in surprise. “Yer passing up an opportunity to go to Canterlot?”


Rarity paused as she stared at Applejack and Twilight. Both ponies’ legs were wrapped around Magic Pants’ hind legs. “Yes. I absolutely am doing that.”

“Come on, Rarity,” Twilight said. “I’m sure we can use your he—”

THERE’S NO TIME!” Magic Pants cried in an authoritative but benevolent tone. “WE MUST LEAVE NOW!”

“But she’s right here!” Twilight said. “She could just trot over and—”

‘PIZZAAAAAP!’

In a brilliant flash of rainbow, neon, sparkles and awesome, Magic Pants disappeared, taking Twilight and Applejack with her.

Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought they’d never leave…” she said as she trotted towards the entrance of Carousel Boutique. “I sure hope the store is well-stocked on ice cream,” she said to no one in particular, “because I daresay I’m going to break my own speed and quantity record…”

Chapter 6: Flash Sentry

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 6: Flash Sentry

-ooo-

‘PIZZAAAAAP!’

Magic Pants and her lavender alicorn friend and orange earth pony mare friend who was wearing a wide-brimmed cowboy hat suddenly appeared in one of Canterlot castle’s long hallways. The pleasant scent of lavender, roses, and freshly-made guacamole filled the air, wafting from Magic Pants super-magical friendship teleportation.

“Friends, we are here!” Magic Pants announced in a commanding yet peaceful manner.

Applejack released her grip on Magic Pants’ back leg and rolled her eyes. “Yeah. We know what Canterlot Castle looks like, thanks.”

Also releasing her grip on Magic Pants’ leg, Twilight took the situation a bit more seriously. “Alright, what is the emergency?!” she asked in a desperate tone.

Magic Pants answered in a tone the suggested she was taking this very seriously as well, but also in complete control of her emotions (like a BOSS!), “Mother does not know that I’m here.”

“Okay,” Twilight replied, “but what’s the emergency?!”

“That mother doesn’t know that I’m here,” Magic Pants said in the same bosslike tone as before.

Twilight was unable to hide her frustration. “That’s the emergency?!”

“Yes, mother must be made aware of my presence, post haste,” Magic Pants replied, again, like the boss she was.

Twilight clenched down on her teeth hard.

Applejack just sighed and shook her head. “Twilight, let’s just go to Princess Celestia before—”

“Princess Twilight?” a male voice inquired from down the hall.

Applejack’s face suddenly found it had hopped off the Expression Express and somehow ended up in Irritatedville. “Before that happens.”

The group turned. An orange pegasus with a spiked blue mane, wearing golden royal guard armor was rapidly flying towards them.

“Flash Sentry!” Twilight called. “Could you ple—”

Flash landed in-between Twilight and Magic Pants in a flash. “Stand back princess! I’ll hold it off! You get away.”

“Awww…” Applejack said with a smile. “Ain’t that just the sweetest thing?”

“Flash?” Twilight said. “Flash, it's okay… Magic Pants isn’t a threat.”

Applejack chimed in. “She is if you value holdin’ on to what’s inside your stomach.”

Twilight turned and gave Applejack a look that practically shouted, ‘Not helping!’

Flash made a sound as if he might upchuck and asked, “Then why is she looking at me like that…? Hrrrk…

Much to Twilight’s surprise, Magic Pants’ expression had actually soured as she looked at Flash.

“Magic Pants?” Twilight asked. “What’s wrong?”

Magic Pants shook her head. “Brad is the worst pony ever,” Magic Pants said in a tone that made it clear she knew exactly what she was talking about and that anypony that disagreed with her was just so, so, so wrong!

“… Who’s Brad?” Flash asked Twilight before turning and resuming trying to keep his digestive system in check.

Twilight shook her head. “No idea.” She turned to behold Magic Pants in all her radiantly dark beautiful beauty. “Magic Pants, what are you talking about?”

Magic Pants continued to speak in a tone that showed she totally knew exactly what she was talking about. Everypony with even half a brain knows that Twilight Sparkle and Time Turner is the best Twilight ship.”

“… Ship?” Flash asked in confusion.

Twilight leaned over. “She means ‘pairing’. You know… like in a relationship.”

O…oh…” Flash said as he felt a cold sweat come over him. This was not helping his stomach situation.

Applejack raised an eyebrow, ignoring the soreness she was beginning to feel in her forehead. “You mean that strange inventor type pony in Ponyville? You know… the doctor?”

Flash gave Twilight a distressed, almost pained look.

Twilight just shook her head. “Magic Pants, I’ve barely even spoken to Time Turner.”

Magic Pants continued to talk in a tone that signified she knew absolutely what she was talking about and that other ponies should just drop it and accept they were wrong. “Oh my gosh! You travel through time! He travels through time! You’re smart! He’s smart!” She narrowed her eyes compassionately. “Don’t tell me you’re a Doctorderpy shipper! Because I can tell you all the ways you’re wrong there too!”

Applejack spoke up. “Once again, Ah I have no idea what’s going on… but somehow I think I’m better off for it.”

Twilight let out an irritated groan. “What does any of this have to do with seeing Princess Celestia?”

Magic Pants spoke a knowing, yet gentle tone. “I just want everypony to accept without question that Brad is worst pony.”

Flash looked at Twilight. “You’re taking her to see Princess Celestia? Uh… pardon for questioning a princess, but do you really think that’s a good idea?”

Twilight gave Flash a half smile. “Oh Flash, she’s… strange, but harmless. Maybe you can help—”

Flash interrupted. “I’m sorry, Twilight, but I need to go and clean my helmet.”

Twilight looked at the polished gold-colored helmet in confusion. “Why? It looks fine.”

Flash nodded. “Yes, but I’m soon going to have to clean my lunch out of it.” With that, Flash flapped his wings hard and was out of sight in a… well… you get the idea.

Twilight felt her eyebrows pull forward almost on their own accord. “Seriously?” she said in an exasperated tone.

“Ah jus’ can’t believe you're even surprised at this point,” Applejack replied.

“Quickly!” Magic Pants said in a way too friendly, but resolutely direct attention towards herself. She broke into a gallop down the hall. “My mother awaits!”

Chapter 7: Celestia and Luna

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 7: Celestia and Luna

-ooo-

“Wait!” Twilight Sparkle cried. Her horn quickly flashed purple before she disappeared with a flash, appearing in between Magic Pants and two massive ornate doors.

Magic Pants stopped abruptly, but serenely. “What troubles you,” she began in a tone invoking all the soothing comfort of the expansive universe, “Princess Twilight Sparkle,” she continued, “my dear, dear friend,” she finished.

Twilight smiled meekly. “Maybe I should… erm… announce your arrival to Princess Celestia before she sees you.”

Magic Pants paused gracefully and thought about this in a brief, majestic moment. “Well, we are royalty,” she postulated intelligently.

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “Applejack, I’ll just be a moment.”

Applejack’s eyes shot open wide. “What?! Twilight! Ya can’t—”

Twilight’s horn flashed purple as she opened the massive double doors to Celestia’s throne room, just enough for her to fit through. She practically dove through them as Applejack hollered “Twwwwiiiiiliiiiiiiiight!” in a pleading tone.

Twilight quickly closed the doors behind her.

Celestia turned, startled by Twilight’s sudden entrance and Applejack’s cry. Sitting in front of Celestia, a spectacled female earth pony with a white coat and brown hair done up in a bun mirrored the sun princess’s expression.

“Twi—” Princess Celestia caught herself and made a correction “—Princess Twilight Sparkle! What’s the matter? Is there an emergency?”

“Not exactly,” Twilight said awkwardly.

The muffled sounds of Applejack’s sobbing could be heard through the door.

Twilight swallowed. “But it is imperative I speak to you at once.”

Celestia nodded. “Of course.” She turned to her advisor. “Raven? Could you excuse us?”

A concerned look on her face, Raven nodded and began to trot towards Twilight, bowing to the purple princess as she reached a forehoof out to the massive, golden double-doors.

“Not that way!” Twilight said quickly.

Raven pulled her hoof back with a fright.

Twilight gave her a sheepish smile. “Trust me. It’s better if you take a detour.”

Wordlessly, Raven slowly nodded and turned towards one of the other doors, trotting through the large room towards it.

Celestia watched Raven leave with curious interest, then turned to Twilight. “Now Twilight, tell me what troubles you—”

“Ahhehhahhhehhheeeehhhh…” Applejack’s sobbing increased in volume.

Celestia cast a worried glance at the door. “Tell me what troubles you and Crackerjack so?”

Twilight’s cheeks flushed slightly. “Well, I had a surprise guest show up at my castle and sorta could use some help figuring out what to do with her.”

“Oh?” Celestia replied. She smiled at Twilight warmly. “Well, you know I’m always here to help if you need it. How can I assist you?”

Welllllll it’s just… she’s a bit odd.”

“Odd?” Celestia replied. “What do you mean?”

Twilight paused, trying to think how delicately to put this as possible. “Most ponies seem to have a negative reaction to seeing er… the… mostly-pony that showed up.”

“‘Mostly-pony?’Celestia parroted in an inquisitive tone. “You mean to tell me you found another being that’s a mix of creatures? Like Discord or a manticore?”

Twilight nodded her head up and down. “Yes, exactly that.”

Celestia chuckled gently and smiled. “Oh Twilight, we both know outward appearances don’t matter.”

Twilight shifted nervously. “Oh, I agree… but there just seems to be something about the appearance of my… associate that rubs ponies the wrong way. Specifically their stomachs.”

Celestia let out a laugh this time. “Well, I’ve been around for quite some time and would be pleasantly surprised if there was anything in Equestria capable of giving me pause for even a moment.”

“AHHHHEEEHHHEHHHHHEHHHHEHHHEHHHHEHHHHH!” Applejack wailed.

Celestia looked up at the door again. “I er… I assume they’re here already?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes.”

Celestia’s comforting smile returned. “Please tell your associate they can come in.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and turned towards the entrance. “Magic Pants? You can come in now.”

Suddenly the throne room was filled with rainbows, light, and also darkness as the double doors majestically swung on their hinges. Magic Pants radiantly stepped through them and looked up at Celestia radiantly and smiled with shining radiance. “Hello mother.”

Somehow Celestia’s white face turned whiter.

-o~ A few minutes later ~o-

Princess Twilight, Applejack, and Magic Pants stood in front of a large, ornate door adorned with Celestia’s cutie mark. Magic Pants’ mane billowed in the windless air and shimmered with beautiful ebony darkness.

Whouaaaahouaaaahouaaaahouaaaahouaaaa… !

Twilight frowned at as the sounds of hysterical crying erupted from behind the doorway to Celestia’s bed chamber. Twilight wrapped on the door lightly. “Princess… Princess Celestia?”

Applejack shook her head. “She’s cryin’ worse than me.” Turning to Twilight, she narrowed her eyes. “Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Sorry!” Twilight said. “But I needed somepony to watch Magic Pa—”

Jus’ left me alone with her as she tried to talk to me and offer me all her assorted fluids!”

Magic Pants spoke up politely, but with resolution, “The offer for me to rub my pacification putty all over you still stands.”

Applejack cringed.

Twilight continued, “Applejack, you know I wouldn’t have done that if there was any other choice, but—”

“REEEEEAAAAAL Princess of Friendship you turned out to be.”

“But I knew you’d be safe, and—”

“Ya jus’ left one of your best friends to deal with the terrible situation all on their lonesome!”

“Okay, but—”

Nice, Twi. Real nice.”

Twilight let out an annoyed sigh. “I’ll help with next season’s apple harvest.”

Applejack thought for a moment. “The next three seasons’ apple harvests.”

“Two.”

“Jus’ ran away, not a second thought for your—cough— dear friend Applejack”

“Okay, okay! Three!” Twilight turned towards Celestia’s door and knocked harder this time. “Princess Celestia! Are you alright?!” she asked over Celestia’s bellowing.

”HOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAAA… !”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah’m sure she’s fine.”

“Shhhhhh!” Twilight shushed out of the corner of her mouth.

From behind the door, Celestia attempted to regain some semblance of control over her crying. “I’m… choke… Sorry, Twilight… sob… I just… hhehh… I just thought I had the capacity to be accepting of all living things regardless of their… of their… of their appearance… and… and… I JUST CAN’T!”

Magic Pants smiled with exuberant joy to herself. “Mother is overwrought with emotion from seeing what a beautiful and elegant beauty I’ve turned into.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “She’s overwrought with something, alright…”

“But… Princess Celestia…” Twilight said in a pleading tone. “What do I doooo?!”

“I don’t… hic… I don’t know! Oh… oh mother of me… I think I’m going to lose my lunch…”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle!”

Twilight, Applejack, and Magic Pants turned as Princess Luna galloped up to them, a look of concern on her face.

“I heard an unexpected guest arrived and upset my sis…” Luna trailed off and came to a halt, gazing upon Magic Pants in all her sparkling splendor like stars deep within the neon rainbow night sky. “…ter.”

“Princess Luna!” Twilight exclaimed. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

Magic Pants smiled with radiant beauty (but also beauty that was deep and dark like the deep blue sea, except the sea was more of an ebony color in this case as if it were cast in darkness, but beautiful mysterious darkness that captivated the sense and left one with a deep sense of wonderment and deep contentment as they gazed up at the starry night’s sky and beheld its glorious, deep splendor as they felt a deep peace with themselves as if understanding their place in the vast, deep cosmos and finding deep contentment in the knowledge that they were a small part of something much larger, and yet still important and beautiful as if they knew (deeply) they served a significant role within the immense, vast, colossal, deep universe), and nodded gracefully. “Mother, you’re looking well.”

Expressionless, Luna replied with a simple “Indeed.” She nodded, seemingly as much to Twilight as to Magic Pants.

Applejack was shocked. “Ya mean yer not gonna lose your lunch?! Yer sister is her room cryin’ like the cows broke into the cider storage and now the barn looks like the aftermath of some horrible cattle war fought with milk!”

Twilight turned and raised an eyebrow. “That was a rather specific countryism.”

Applejack put on an irritated look and turned away. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Magic Pants addressed Applejack in her comforting, melodious, euphonious tone of voice, “Perhaps you’ll feel better if I took you into a magical embrace of calming calmness and shared my viscous juice of euphoric euphoria?”

Applejack’s eye began to twitch as it looked as if all the muscles in her face tried to escape to the left side of it. “There are so many phrases Ah’ve heard today that I wished I hadn’t.”

Despite the oddity of what was in front of her, Luna simply shook her head, her face expressionless. “I visit the dreams of ponies every night, and have seen both nightmares and desires far more twisted than the likes of which most anypony has ever seen. It is quite likely I’ve developed a mental fortitude far beyond that of the average pony, perhaps even my sister.”

Twilight smiled widely. “Great! Then maybe you can—”

Luna continued, cutting Twilight off. “Besides, my sleep schedule is much different than that of the average pony. For me ‘lunch’ is more like a midnight snack.”

“Uh… alright... Whatever floats your cider barrel, Ah guess,Applejack said in an unsure tone.

“Princess Luna,” Twilight began, “look, we’ve been traveling with Magic Pants for a while now and we're hoping you could shed any light onto—”

Luna suddenly made a neat, 180-degree turn. “Now, if you will all excuse me, I need to empty my stomach of my midnight snack before going back to bed and dealing with my own nightmares.”

The hallway was lit up by Magic Pants beautiful, beaming smile as she and the other mares watched Luna trot away then burst into a gallop as she puffed out her cheeks. “Mother is so proud of me!”

Applejack simply nodded. “Right, now we’re back in familiar territory. It’s like Ah’m home and my house is on fire.”

Twilight sighed. “Why does everypony keep throwing up around her?!”

Straining slightly, Applejack raised an eyebrow. “She’s kinda an impossible mismatch of everything save the kitchen sink…”

“I possess the colon of a kitchen sink!” Magic Pants informed informationally.

Twilight and Applejack stared at each other unsure how to respond.

Applejack continued, deciding to ignore the comment. “Ah mean… It’s somehow sort of stomach churnin’ just to believe she exists.”

Twilight paused for a second. “That’s it!”

Applejack frowned. “Ah don’t have much confidence Ah’m gonna enjoy the next sentence that comes outta your mouth, sugarcube.”

“Discord!” Twilight continued with a smile. “He’s a crazy miss-mash of creatures! I bet he can stomach her and help!”

Applejack paused. “Ah was right, but… fer once I’m lookin’ forward to seeing Discord, and it scares me.”

Magic Pants put a gentle and soothing, comforting arm around Applejack. “See! You’re feeling more unified already.”

Applejack tenses as if her skin had begun crawling. “Please don’t touch me.”

Chapter 8: Discord

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 8: Discord

-ooo-

Applejack flailed her hooves about as she spun and floated amidst a swirling purple sky, random chunks of grassy fields, and a large, leafy tree with a face. Unable to control her lazy ‘flight path’ as she kicked out helplessly, she soon bumped against the tree.

“Ooof!” Applejack cried.

“Hey!” the tree snapped angrily. “Watch where yer going!”

Sorry?” Applejack said in a confused tone. “Ah don’t exactly have a lot of control of where Ah end up. Ah mean… Ah can’t fly or anything.” She sighed heavily. “And Ah’m talkin’ to a tree.”

The tree and Applejack began to float away from one another, the tree giving Applejack an indignant look. “What? Yous think yer better than me jus’ c’os yoos have a circulatory vascular system?”

“No, Ah... Ah just don’t usually talk to trees! Ah jus’ usually kick ‘em.”

“Oh! Sos now yas threaten’ me, huh?”

“No, Ah—”

“Whys donncha float over here and say that to my face!”

“‘Cause Ah can’t fly!” Applejack gave out an exasperated sigh. “Twilight! Can Ah please come back down! Ah’m arguing with a tree!”

“I heard that, yous mook! Come over here sos I can throttle yous with my branches!”

“I said you’re in time-out!” Twilight cried from below. Twilight stood in front of a yellow door sandwiched between two arched windows and below a rectangular window all attached to a cozy-looking red house with yellow roof and yellow brick chimney. As normal as the house looked with its picket fence and cobblestone path leading up to it, it floated atop a large mound of lawn and rock similarly suspended in the chaotic purple environment.

“It’s okay, really!” Magic Pants said with a tone of boundless forgiveness. “I have a capacity for boundless forgiveness! I’m sure our dear, special friend has learned her lesson!”

Twilight!” Applejack moaned from above. “Please! Ah’m begging you! This tree jus’ sicked a bunch of bees on me and they’re demanding I pay for protection with pollen! Ah don’t exactly carry flowers around with me everywhere I go!”

“Ugh…” Twilight uttered. She looked up at Magic Pants. “Well, I guess if you’ve forgiven her…”

Magic Pants nodded saintly. “I have learned that love and tolerance are the true paths to inner peace,” Magic Pants said in a sagely tone as she winked beautifully at Twilight.

“… Riiiiiight…” Twilight uttered.

“Twilight!” Applejack cried frantically. “The bees have swarmed around a firearm of some sort and are waving it around! I don’t wanna be shot by bees!”

“Alright, alright!” Twilight cried.

“Allow me!” Magic Pants said in an awesome tone as she extended a forehoof towards Applejack. A rope of sticky webbing (just like Spider-Man, totally rad!) shot out and caught Applejack’s back. Applejack soon found herself being pulled towards Twilight and the regal-looking Magic Pants. She hit the ground with an “Oof!” as she landed on her back.

Applejack elected to stay on her back with her legs in the air for a moment, her eyes wide as she stared up into the swirling sky. “Ah’m not sure I want to know what jus’ happened…”

Magic Pants’ face appeared in Applejack’s field of vision.

“My dear friend Apple—”

“Ah!” Applejack called out in surprise.

“—jack, are you alright?” Magic Pants asked with deep, deep concern for her dear, dear friend.

“Well, Ah wasn’t shot,” Applejack said. “It’s not much at this point, but it’s about all Ah got.”

“AJ,” Twilight began in a chastising tone, “I don’t think that was called for. Don’t make me put you back in time out with the bees!”

Applejack was on her hooves in an instant. “Not the bees!” she cried. She looked up at Magic Pants, turned away and made a sickly upchuck sound as her cheeks puffed out, then took a deep breath. Turning back to Magic Pants she quickly said, “Ah’mSorryAhSaidYouLookedLikeSomethingATwelveYearOldWouldMake!”

Magic Pants’ face opened up into a spectacularly beaming smile and she gathered Applejack into her forelegs, raising Applejack off the ground as she stood on her back pony leg and back dragon leg.

“Aaaaahhhh!” Applejack cried. “Celestia, why?!”

“Oh, apology accepted, my little pony!” Magic Pants said in a mirthful tone full of joy.

“Twi…?” Applejack said as she shot a pleading glance at Twilight.

Twilight shook her head. “That’s the price of forgiveness, Applejack.”

“Twilight, she’s sticky and smells vaguely of pancakes.”

Still affectionately and tenderly clinging onto Applejack, Magic Pants grinned widely. “That’s the smell of my—”

“AhDon’tWannaKnowThankYou!” Applejack quickly blurted out. “Can I go back down now?”

Magic Pants gave Applejack one more squeeze full of love and forgiveness and sat her gently down on the ground.

Applejack merely stood and shook, staring off into nothing. “Ah want a shower, but Ah don’t think they make water hot enough…”

Twilight shook her head. “Why are you being such a drama queen about this?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes at Twilight. “Magic Pants, I think some pony needs a hug.”

Magic Pants quickly gathered Applejack back into her long, elegant forelegs.

Why me?!” Applejack cried.

Twilight sighed and wrapped on the door with a forehoof. “Discord?!”

“Oh mah stars and garters! It’s like drownin’ in pudding!”

“Are you there?” Twilight asked. “We’ve been out here a long time and—”

“I feel it in mah mane!”

“—really need to ask you about our guest!”

“Ahhhh! Some of it jus’ got into mah mouth!”

“She says she’s your daughter!

“Quick! Someone induce vomitin’!”

The door to the house slowly creaked open, revealing Discord with a coy look in his face and a bag of popcorn in his arms. Did she—‘crunch, crunch’— now?” he asked.

“Father!” Magic Pants exclaimed with elegant excitement as she let go of Applejack.

Applejack merely laid in a sticky heap of translucent goo on Discord’s lawn, her eyes unfocused and her tongue lolled out as one of her back legs twitched.

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Discord. “How long have you been there?”

Discord threw the bag of popcorn behind him. The popped kernels wailed ‘WE HAVE BEEN REJECTED!” before the sounds of a fire abruptly starting could be heard from inside Discord’s house.

Discord smiled widely at Twilight. “I’ve been here literally the entire time since you entered my realm.”

Twilight groaned. “Of course.”

Magic Pants spoke up sublimely, “Father has awaited my return with bated breath!”

Discord made no note of the strange pony creature as he motioned the ponies inside. “Make yourselves comfortable!”

Twilight looked down at Applejack, who merely twitched a back leg in response.

“Uh…”

“I got this,” Discord said as he raised his lion’s paw. He produced a garden hose with a high-pressure sprayer on one end and screwed the other end into his belly. He reached up for his right ear and gave it a turn. It gave a metallic creak just like a like an outdoor faucet as a spray of water shot out at Applejack.

Applejack coughed and sputtered as she was suddenly blasted with water, her cowboy hat being blasted off into the vast expanse of sky.

Discord let go the sprayer and produced a giant, hot-pink hairdryer with a cord and plug. He placed the plug into his right ear and suddenly Applejack was shot with a wave of hot air as she clenched her teeth. High pressure air followed into mouth, causing her cheeks and lips flopped about.

As quickly as he begun, Discord turned off the hair drier, leaving a frizzy, but otherwise goo-free Applejack in front of the group.

Applejack dizzily swayed from side to side as Discord placed hose and hairdryer under his left armpit and pulled out Applejack’s cowboy hat. He gently placed it on top of her frazzled mane.

“Dis-Discord…” Applejack greeted woozily.

“Applejack,” Discord said simply with a nod as he held open the door and once again motioned for all the ponies to enter.

Twilight, Applejack, and Magic Pants all filed inside, Magic Pants filing inside with at least 20% more grace than the other two.

There was a couch, a large easy chair, and a footstool all engulfed in flame sitting in an otherwise tidy living room.

Twilight and Applejack cast unamused looks at the flaming furniture.

“Your furniture is on fire,” Twilight reported dryly.

“Is it?” Discord replied as if he hadn’t noticed. He chuckled to himself and waved his eagle talon dismissively. “Oh well, it must be Blurgsday, amIright?”

Magic Pants began to laugh in a mirthfully melodic tone. “Oh, father always tells the best jokes!”

Applejack just sighed. “Can we jus’ get this over with?”

Twilight glanced at Applejack and pursed her lips then looked up at Discord. “Look, Magic Pants here says she’s your daughter… as well as the daughter of several other notable ponies and non-ponies. We were hoping you could shed some light on this situation.”

“Of course!” Discord said in a cheerfully tone.

“Really?!” Twilight and Applejack said in disbelief.

“Well you see dear Twilight, dear apple horse. The answer is really quite simple!”

Twilight’s face lit up. “It is?”

Applejack still looked at Discord in disbelief. “You can’t be serious, yer really going to explain how Magic Pants came about?”

Discord nodded. “Yes, pay attention now.”

Twilight and Applejack leaned closer.

Discord opened his mouth a wave of greenish brown sludge filled with garbage shot out of his mouth.

“BLARCHRAR—”

“AH!” In a purple flash, Twilight put a shimmering purple shield around herself, Applejack, and Magic Pants.

—CAHRACRACHARACHARACHARACH…!”

“Well color me shocked,” Applejack said sarcastically as a slime-coated garden gnome bounced off Twilight’s shield.

“Even father showers me with gifts!” Magic Pants said with a radiantly gleaming luminous smile. “Oh, my family is so generous.”

“No, no,” Applejack said dryly as the refuse-filled slime filled the room around the bubble. “This is exactly how Ah wanted today to go,” she added as a rusted bicycle flew by.

Twilight looked over the slime as her horn continued to glow a brilliant purple. “Maybe… maybe the secret is hidden in the slime! Or it’s a metaphor!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “It’s certainly a great representation of how today has gone, alright.”

Twilight turned to Applejack with a sour look on her face. “Do you have to be negative about everything?”

Applejack looked around as the level of sludge welled over head-level for the ponies. “Ah don’t know Twilight. You tell me, what’s the bright side of all this mucking around we’ve been doing?”

Uh…”

“‘Cause we are now literally surrounded by ‘muck’,” Applejack said as a filthy lawn flamingo drifted past the bubble. “Now, are ya gonna tell me this is how you imagined our adventure with Magic Pants would go? Or are ya gonna admit this has gone on far enough?!”

Twilight went silent as she stared at Applejack’s serious expression.

“Friends, you shouldn’t quarrel so!” Magic Paints said in an elegant and concerned tone of voice. “Perhaps my—”

Twilight cut Magic Pants off, “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Maybe Applejack is—”

“No, no!” Applejack said. “Got some magical calm down salve?” she said irritably.

“Why yes, actually!” Magic Pants said giddily at the thought of aiding her friend.

“Great!” Applejack said. “Jus’ rub it all over me! Or do I walk up and just start rubbing you? How far do I stick my muzzle up your—”

“AJ!” Twilight cried in alarm.

“No, Twilight,” Applejack said as she circled behind Magic Pants. “This is mah life now! Might as well” –Applejack suddenly started gasping for air. “Might as well…” she said weakly “Can’t breathe…”

“… Oh right…” Twilight said in a strained tone. “The bubble is airtight… but there should still be enough air to…”

Magic Pants’ face lit up like a spectacular Hearth’s Warming tree. “I naturally replace all the oxygen around me with a sweet perfume that makes everypony around me happy!”

Applejack collapsed and raised a forehoof. “Yes… Take me sweet release of death. Ah’m ready for you!”

Twilight’s horn glowed once more, and with a ‘poomf’ Applejack, Magic Pants, and herself were on top of Discord’s house.

“Swing low, sweet chariot~!” Applejack sang as she laid on her back with her eyes closed. “Coming for to carry me home~!”

Twilight nudged Applejack with a hoof. “AJ, we’re fine.”

“Shhhh…” Applejack raised a forehoof to her lips. “Jus’ let me believe a bit longer.”

“Well, did you get all that?” Discord’s voice asked cheerfully.

Applejack’s eyes shot open. “Oh no! Ah’m in Tartarus!”

Magic Pants spoke in a tone of great gratitude and happiness. “Oh, your generosity was most graciously received, father!”

“Ah’m in double Tartarus.”

Uhh…” Twilight began. “So… Uh… Do I need to analyze the slime, or…”

Applejack sprung up to her hooves. “No, Twilight! Jus’ no! If you want to stare at slime for the rest of the day, yer on yer own!”

“AJ! We’ve come so far! I’m sure with a little research we can crack this mystery right open!”

Discord stroked his beard thoughtfully. “No, no. I think I was quite clear earlier.” He grinned wickedly. “Would you like me to explain again?”

Applejack fearfully grabbed hold of Twilight, placing a forehoof over her mouth. “No! No! Once was enough. Thank you!”

Twilight glared up at Applejack.

“We must be off!” Magic Pants said in a majestically commanding tone the split the sky.

“Finally, some good news,” Applejack said as she released Twilight. “Please tell me we’re heading back to Ponyville!”

“We must visit my mother Queen Chrysalis!” Magic Pants said in a commandingly majestic tone.

“Ah hate everything.”

Twilight’s eyes shot open wide. “Magic Pants! I don’t think we should just—”

With a brilliant neon rainbow glow of Magic Pants’ horn, the ponies suddenly disappeared.

Discord wiped his eagle talon across his brow. “I’m glad that’s over.”

Sludge-covered garbage suddenly erupted from Discord’s chimney.

Discord turned, placing his talon and lion paw on his side. “Well my chores are done for the day!” he said in a prideful tone. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I wonder if ol’ Queen Chrysi will fare any better than than anypony else who’s had the misfortune of seeing—elch— Magic Pants…”

-oooo-

Queen Chrysalis suddenly opened her mouth and a brilliant red, somewhat-viscous fluid spewed out in a torrent.

AHHH!” Twilight cried as a purple shield once again surrounded her and Applejack.

“Have Ah mentioned that Ah hate everything?”

“Mother’s love envelopes me like a warm, gooey blanket!” Magic Pants declared in a happy, stately tone as she was blasted by the vermillion goo.

Chapter 9: Queen Chrysalis

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 9: Queen Chrysalis

-ooo-

“Thanks, Twilight Sparkle,” Chrysalis moaned irritably. “You made me throw up love all over my throne room…”

“I didn’t mean—”

“There you go!” Chrysalis continued, motioning to the viscous, dark red substance that now coated the floor of her obsidian throne room. “Now you know what partially digested love looks like! Are you happy? Was this your plan? Teleport in here with… whatever that is so I’d be queasy before some sort of epic magic showdown?”

“Sorry, geez!” Twilight exclaimed. “Look, we came here offering friendship… apparently…”

“Why in the darkest depths of Tartarus did you bring this thing, then?!” Chrysalis demanded as she motioned out to Magic Pants as gooey, red love magnificently dripped off her in red globs of hearts.

“She brought us!” Twilight cried. “Also, she claims to be your daughter.”

“I…” Chrysalis paused and glanced at Magic Pants briefly before she quickly turned away, her cheeks puffing slightly. “… It’s a good thing I already expelled my love over this.”

Applejack cringed. “Ah’m not sure there’s a worse possible way to phrase that.”

“Mother, friends,” Magic Pants interrupted, but in a way that was not an interruption at all but instead a welcome insertion into the conversation. “Fret not, for I will happily secrete some my own love juices to replenish those lost.”

Applejack’s face turned slightly green. “Ah was wrong…”

“NO ONE IS SECRETING ANYTHING!” Twilight shouted.

Chrysalis sighed. “Normally I’d object to the lack of secretion, but this time I agree with you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Suddenly, a set of massive ebony doors that towered above the group were thrown open and a changeling, somewhat larger and bulkier than most, stormed into the room. “My Queen! Are you in danger?! I am here to—”

‘ZORT!’

With a sparkling neon rainbow blast from her horn, the changeling was quickly enveloped in a shining multicolored glow of magnificent friendship energy that exploded, turning the changeling into a chunky green and black mass that splattered all over the throne room doors and into the room.

“What the everlovin’ buck?!” Applejack cried.

“… So this is what ‘offering friendship’ looks like,” Chrysalis mused as she glared up at the ceiling and raised the end of a foreleg to her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever get the love stains mixed with exploded drone out of the throne room.”

“Oh my Celestia!” Twilight cried as she turned towards Magic Pants and soaked up more of her radiant beauty of pure radiance. “Please tell me that was some sort of teleportation beam of extreme joy that leaves about a large changeling drones worth of ectoplasm, or something!”

“Well, it does indeed teleport whomever is struck,” Magic Pants said in an even, gentle tone.

“Okay,” Twilight said. “To where, exactly?”

To Tartarus!” Magic Pants said, her gentle, soothing demeanor suddenly giving away to a crazed and murderous sneer.

“WHAT?!” Twilight cried.

“Just to let you know, Twilight,” Chrysalis said, “these diplomatic proceedings are not going well.”

“Why?!” Twilight exclaimed.

Chrysalis glared at Twilight. “Because that thing just murdered a drone!”

Twilight grit her teeth. “I wasn’t talking to you! I was—”

“And not just any drone!” Chrysalis interrupted. She sighed. “That particular drone was my favorite for mating…” she added in a melancholy tone. “He was named Testis…”

“AGH!” Twilight moaned in frustration. “I wanted to know why Magic Pants, uh… Teleported—”

“Murdered!” Chrysalis hissed.

“—beamed, um… that drone.”

Applejack sighed. “As if knowin’ is gonna help anything…”

Magic Pants spoke in a voice of authority that also encouraged everyone to look upon her and take in even more of her glorious splendiferous splendor. “Because that was not a changeling drone, but STEVE from 4th period American History disguised as a changeling.”

“… What the heck is an ‘America’?” Twilight asked, her features tightening in confusion.

“… What the heck is a ‘Steve’?” Chrysalis asked, her features mirroring Twilight’s.

“… What the heck happened to me so that this is my life?” Applejack asked, her features relaxing slightly as she simply stared off into space.

Magic Pants looked over the group with a sort of victorious, feral smile (that was somehow still awe-inspiring). “Steve was a bully who deserved everything that he got! He once called me ugly!” she whimpered with a look and tone that made her as huggable as a pyramid of week old kittens.

“Ah’d say something,” Applejack began, “but Ah’m debating how much Ah want to be exploded.”

“Oh, good,” Chrysalis spat with an eye roll. “Apparently friendship means just killing whoever is rude to you. With this criteria in mind, perhaps I should be the Queen of Friendship.”

“Look!” Twilight exclaimed. “At this point, I’d just really like some answers! I’ve been all over Equestria and I still don’t know if Magic Pants is actually the offspring of some… some… sort of epic and weird super-powered creature orgy!”

“I’m leaning more towards being exploded with every second,” Applejack declared.

Chrysalis gave Twilight a long, hard look. “Twilight Sparkle… Are you coming onto me?”

“I… what?!” Twilight exclaimed.

“It’s fine, Twilight, my friend!” Magic Pants said delightfully as she draped a rainbow foreleg that was as soft as silk, yet with all the strength of a raging fire and as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. “Let the love flow through you.”

“I-I-” Twilight stammered as her lilac face turned slightly lighter shade of purple, “I was not prepared for today.”

“Yep!” Applejack replied. “Lot of that goin’ around!”

Chrysalis batted her eyelashes at Twilight. “That wasn’t a nooooo~!” she purred.

A lot!” Applejack stressed.

Magic Pants opened her mouth into a beaming smile like a chandelier hit with a dozen floodlights all set within a nuclear explosion. “Yes, let the love-making of togetherness begin.”

Twilight and Applejack’s eyes went wide and they opened their mouths as if to speak but no sound came out.

“…Nope, changed my mind,” Chrysalis said. “I’m way more disgusted than starving at the moment.”

Twilight and Applejack let out sighs of relief.

Magic Pants shot Chrysalis a pout on par with that of a dozen puppies that were being stuffed into a burlap sack. “But… but… mother, the love-making of togetherness!” she implored imploring.

Chrysalis cringed. “Don’t call me that! I am not your mother!”

Twilight smiled slightly. “Finally! Some answers!”

“No,” Magic Pants declared resolutely, but not so resolutely one would call her bossy as she held out a slender, and also attractive foreleg before she transformed herself into a beautiful changeling princess of sparkling magenta, dark-red, and hot-pink mane and tail. She had two sets of rounded, pinkish gossamer wings that looked like two hearts adorning her back and the usual holes that dotted a changelings legs and horn all in the shapes of hearts. “I am your daughter!”

“No!” Chrysalis shook her head. “No! That’s not true!” Chrysalis grit her teeth. “That’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings. You know it to be true!” Magic Pants said in tone like a million angels suddenly crying out in astonishment.

Chrysalis began to weep openly. “NOOOOOOOOOOO! Noooooo…” she collapsed to the ground.

Twilight sighed heavily. “Okay… Now, I don’t know what to believe.”

Applejack just shook her head. “Wow! Another trip that turned out to be completely pointless. Ah’m just as shocked as if Ah suddenly were an orange pony with a bit of an apple obsession.”

Twilight furrowed her brow at Applejack. “But you are an… Oh… Oh, wait… I see what you did there.”

Magic Pants suddenly returned to her normal, but no less attractive (and also single! Rawr!) self. Her sexy and alluring dragon leg began to twitch. “My dragon sense! My father Dragon Lord Torch needs me!”

Twilight looked at Magic Pants with a perplexed expression. “You didn’t mention you were also somehow the daughter of a Dragon Lord.”

Magic Pants nodded gracefully. “That’s because he was not yet a character when this story was first wrote.”

“What does—?”

Applejack suddenly leapt at Twilight and clamped her mouth shut. “For Celestia’s sake, Twilight! Just stop asking questions!”

Magic Pants suddenly stared upwards. “We must away, my friends!” she said heroically.

With a grumpy expression on her face, Twilight wrapped a foreleg around one of Magic Pants’ legs. “Uh… Applejack?”

Applejack had made no effort to reach out for Magic Pants. She looked over Magic Pants then down at Chrysalis who was still sobbing on the hard, stone floor that was covered with viscous red ‘love juice’ and globs of green with a few hard black chunks here and there. “Ah’ll take my chances,” Applejack said.

Twilight’s face pulled into irritated disbelief. “With the murderous Changeling Queen who feeds on love… You’ll take your chances… with her.”

Applejack nodded. “Honestly, I like my odds here better.”

Suddenly and majestically, Magic Pants raised a foreleg and out came a stream of gooey sparkling white webbing that landed all over Applejack’s face.

Applejack looked like she might join Chrysalis in hysterics for a moment before her face took on a much sterner look. “See this? This here?” she said as she pointed to her face. “This is exactly what Ah’m talkin’ about.”

“AWAY!” In yet another awesomely colorful sparkly display of rainbow and neon as a choir of heavenly beings sang out their lungs, the trio disappeared.

Chapter 10: Dragon Lord Torch & Ember

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 10: Dragon Lord Torch & Ember

-ooo-

With a flash of light so beautiful and awe-inspiring that words couldn’t bother to do it justice so I’m going to use a comma and change the focus of the sentence, Applejack, Twilight, and Magic Pants, in all her rainbowy, wavy, sparkling glory that transcended the very concept of beauty appeared in a barren wasteland.

Magic Pants’ mysteriously glorious webbing still on her face, Applejack swatted it away then spat like she was trying to get the taste of something terrible out of her mouth. “Ptla! PTLA! Ugh… Now Ah know what spider-butt tastes like,” she moaned. “And also sunshine, somehow.”

Twilight let go of Magic Pants’ back foreleg, the color of royal purple set amongst the blackest black of midnight. “You know you could have just grabbed onto Magic Pants’ leg like me.”

Applejack threw forehoof out of the air. “Hey! Ah wanted to stay at the Changeling Hive and maybe be cocooned to be fed off over the course of weeks, months, maybe years until my withered husk of a body is discarded unceremoniously into some sort of horribly, rottin’ changeling victim corpse pile!”

Twilight closed her eyes and shuttered. “Thanks for that image, AJ.”

“It’s not any worse than most anythin’ we’ve dealt with today!”

Twilight groaned. “Applejack, I know you’re having a bad time”—

“Ah, am having the worst time in the history of times, Twi.”

— “but I’ve got to say: you’re being kind of a baby about this whole thing!”

“Friends!” Magic Pants called out in a tone of concern that not only showed she cared for her dear companions, but life everywhere across all of space and time and all dimensions, whether they were pony or high-school based.

~-Elsewhere Across the Cosmos-~

"Ah!” Sunset Shimmer immediately dropped the books she was holding and came to a screeching halt in the middle of Canterlot High’s green locker flanked hallway. Her friends all stopped and looked at her in concern.

“Hey! Extreme Arm Wrestling isn’t that bad!” Rainbow Dash griped.

“Hmm, no,” Rarity replied. “Actually, I think Sunset’s response is pretty apt.”

Pinkie giggled. “XARM! XAAAAAARM!”

Sunset raised a hand to her head, shut her eyes, and sucked in air from between her teeth as if she was in great pain.

“Are you okay, Sunset Shimmer?” Fluttershy asked.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Guys… It’s totally a legit sport!”

Applejack threw her hands into the air. “It’s jus’ two people beating each other up from across a table!”

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. “Hey, if curling is considered an Olympic sport, then—”

“Rainbow!” Sunset yelped out. “Just shut up a second!” Cringing, Sunset raised a second hand to her head and bent over.

“Oh, dear…” Rarity said. “It looks like it’s getting worse!”

“OH?! Should I gut the nurse?” Pinkie asked. “Sunset’s pain looks quite the curse! Not to be terse, but we may need to call a Hearse!”

“Pinkie!” a sizeable portion of the group exclaimed at once.

“Sorry!” Pinkie said sheepishly. “I was on a role with that verse!”

Sunset groaned. “I suddenly felt a great disturbance across the universe.”

“Heeeeey!” Pinkie said happily as she made finger guns at Sunset.

“Well, whatever is the matter, dear?!” Rarity asked. As she approached Sunset in concern.

Fluttershy put a resurging hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Is something wrong in Equestria?”

“Some sort of horrible calamity?!” Applejack suggested. “Like a big villain that threatens Earth as well?!”

“Do they need to be beaten up from across a table?!” Rainbow Dash suggested.

“Yes!” Sunset exclaimed. “Yes, to all those things!”

Everyone paused momentarily to look at Sunset in alarm. That is until a shake began at the top of Pinkie’s mess of pink curls and shook her all the way down to her feet. Pinkie to a short, sharp breath. “I’m going to stock up on hairspray and lighters…” she mumbled as she peeled off from the group and began walking away much to most everyone else’s confusion.

“Wait, Pinkie!” Sunset called out. She ran after the young woman. “I’ll come with you!”

A series of concerned glances and shrugs were exchanged between the other four girls and soon they were following their friends.

~-Back from “Elsewhere Across the Cosmos”-~

“You mustn’t fight so!” Magic Pants said. Again, with so much concern that uh… The Pope cried real Jesus tears… I guess…?

“Ah disagree!” Applejack exclaimed. “Ah disagree a lot!”

Magic Pants smiled a smile so dazzling you could go back and read, like, three of the sentences I used to describe her smile previously in the fic and use your imagination to mix them and new and creative ways! “Perhaps some of my—“

“Ah SWEAR! If you offer friendship balm, or love goo, or contentment mist from yer glands I will choke myself to death with my own hat!”

“See, that!” Twilight exclaimed. “I know you’re upset”—

“Again, Ah’m beyond upset and more longin’ for the sweet relief of death.”

—“but REALLY! This ‘woe is me’ routine is getting old!” Twilight put on a fake southern accent. “‘Ah jus’ wanna die! Erm ready fer the great unknown-able! Jus’ feed my body ta the pigs when Ah go!”

Applejack gave Twilight a sour look. “Are ya done being an offensive stereotype, Twi?”

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out. “Sorry! I guess this whole thing is getting to me too. I know you’re struggling and it was wrong of me to just heap everything back on you…”

“Like the heaps of sick we keep on having to see?!”

“Oh, there you go again!” Twilight gripped. “I’m trying to apologize and all you can do is go on about what we’ve seen today!”

“Ah now know what regurgitated love looks like, Twilight!” Applejack shouted.

“Oh!” Magic pants uttered glorious-synonymly awe-inspiring-synonymly. “If it’s processed love pulp you want, all you had to say was—”

“And then there’s that!” Applejack cried. “All that happens to us is we watch ponies and critters throw up before Magic Pants offers us disgusting-sounding fluids!” Applejack shook her head. “Twilight, if any good comes out of this day, it’d be a miracle!”

Luckily for Applejack, somepony who could make miracles happen was listening on the account of her radiantly standing right in front of her. “Worry, not my dear friend Applejack”—

“That’s pretty much impossible right now, f.y.i.”

—“for you shall soon be rewarded for your patience with glittering treasures!” —

“These treasures better not be liquid in any way…”

—“For I have seen it with my magic future vision of perfect clarity!” Magic Pants declared in a mysterious way, but not one that would make one think less of her, in fact, it was a way that would make one believe they’d heard this exact line years ago in some demented dèja vu scenario.

… Why’d I spread this fic out so long?

“WHAT THE BLOODY HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!”

I’ve been asking myself that for like two or three chapters now, and I’m writing this!

“AH!”

“WHAT IN TARTARUS?!”

“Behold! My father, Dragon Lord Torch!”

Oh, right… I’m supposed to be narrating… Uh… Let’s see… The ponies looked up as a booming voice called out and Magic Pants motioned upwards with a sparkly foreleg that sparkled and simultaneously cured cancer in a bunch of orphan children who also just got adopted, or something…

“Well… uh… He’s a big’un,” Applejack muttered.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Nice observation, Applejack.”

Applejack glared at Twilight. “Twi, am I wearing a saddle?”

“What? No…?”

“Then get the hay offa my back!”

Twilight sighed. “Okay, I deserved that.”

“No seriously!” The voiced boomed out. “You’re all way down there! I can’t see you! Could someone please tell me what the bloody hell is going on?”

“Right,” Applejack said. “Like we have a clue.”

“What?! You’ll have to speak up!”

“Dad?” A super-cool looking blue female dragon arrived that was totes also the sister of Magic Pants. “What’s going on? Wait… What are a bunch of ponies and a… a…” Ember’s eyes went wide as she caught sight of her sister’s glorious visage. Her cheeks puffed out as she raised a claw to her mouth.

Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes as hard as she could. “And here we go again…”

“BLUEWEEEPHPHPHPHPHSSSSSHHH…” Ember let out a spray of fine, sparkling gem shards that projectiled out of her mouth and landed in a heap in front of the ponies.

Applejack gasped, took off her hat, and began scooping into it what was the prettiest semi-digested food she had ever seen. “Land sakes, Twilight! This here throw-up has gotta be worth 100 bits easily.”

“That’s disgusting!” Twilight exclaimed. “Applejack! That just flew out of a Dragon’s mouth!”

Applejack gave Twilight a sideways glance as she continued to shovel the gem shards into her hat. “Ah wouldn’t care which orifice it flew out of!”

“Behold!” Magic pants said joke-I-keep-using-since-the-very-beginning. “The miracle of riches! Perhaps not a splendored as the magic of friendship, of which I have in such abundance the very act of speaking creates world peace on distant, war-torn worlds, but—“

“No, that’s fine!” Applejack said. “Ah take back some non-insignificant amount of complaining Ah’ve done.”

Twilight’s brow tightened in judgment. “Really? Some gross gem dust is what it takes to make you happy?”

“We don’t all live in giant castles, Twi,” Applejack quipped.

“Ember!?” Torch asked. “What’s going on down there!” Torch squinted. “I can’t see a thing without my glasses…” Torch began to grope around his giant stone throne. “Let me just… Ah…” He produced what was likely Equestria’s largest pair of horned rimmed glasses and placed them on his face. “Now what do we—” Torch was cut off as he came eyes to glasses to face with Magic Pants’ splendorific magical magnificence medley. He opened his mouth up widely to let the overwhelming feeling he felt due to her beauticious beauty and it flowed out in a heaving, sparkling wave.

‘Onomatopoeia-for-vomiting-crystals… I-guess-dry-and-tinkly-or-something?’

Directly under the gem avalanche that began to block out the sun, Applejack exclaimed in delight and held out her partially-filled hat to collect more partially-digested gems.

Twilight sighed and put up a barrier as gem shards rained down around the girls, filling the barrier with brilliant points of rainbow light.

“Aw!” Applejack said in a disappointed tone. “Tha one time Ah was gonna have fun on this trip and you have to get in my way!” she griped.

“Those gems would have killed us, AJ!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yeah, but what a way to go!” Applejack retorted.

“Fear not, my dear friends,” Magic pants stated with her typical magniterrific-made-up-word. “For I would have survived due to the power of love and friendship making me nearly invincible.”

Applejack let out a sigh. “Ah guess even sunny days can have their dark clouds…” she lamented.

“Again! We would have died,” Twilight stressed.

Magic Pants nodded in her perfectly serenest fashion. “And I could bring you back with the power of love, life, and friendship slime!” Magic Pants leaned down and whispered silendedly, “The love slime is especially viscous!”

“Ya know what?” Applejack said as a sobering expression crossed her face and Twilight’s, “Ah think I’m good.” She placed her forehoof on Magic Pants’ glorious celestial heaven’s based cutie mark adorned flank. “Where to next?”

Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise as she too reached out to touch Magic Pant’s joke-that’s-run-it’s-course flank. “Really?! You mean, you’re willing to travel to a new place just to inevitably see some new creature throw up?!”

Applejack looked up at Magic Pants, once wishing she’d be deader than the dead horse description of Pants’ appearance. But with a heaping, dripping, soggy mess of gems loaded in her hat, the world finally looked a bit brighter!

Even if it smelled like sulfur and acid.

“I don’t see why not,” Magic Pants replied to Applejack her-description-now-thoroughly-pounded-into-a-texture-suitable-for-meatballs-ly.

Applejack’s face suddenly took on a determined countenance. “Bring it.”

“Come, friends!” Magic Pants stated new-joke-that-I’ve-already-overused-ly. With that, Magic Pants teleported. Makeup whatever description for that which impresses you.

Chapter 11: The Griffons

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 11: The Griffons


“Behold!” Magic Pants announced majestically as she motioned about with a majestic forehoof just as majestically as she had majestically spoken. “Griffonstone!”

“We can see that,” Twilight uttered in an unamused tone. “On account of all the griffons walking about.”

“Ah don’t care if she dropped us off in a vampire jackalope herd!” Applejack began stuffing her hat with more gems from a pony-high pile that surrounded the trio. “Finally this adventure is paying off.”

“Again, ew!” Twilight said.

“Hey, pony dweebs!” a nasally female's voice called out.

“Ugh… That must be Gilda,” Twilight mused.

“Don’t care,” Applejack mumbled as she filled her hat to capacity. “Ugh… shoulda brought saddle bags… or several back-up hats.”

Majestically, Rainbow Pants’ majestic forehead tightened. “That bully must be severely punished! With death!”

“Huh?!” Twilight blurted.

Gilda gave Magic Pants a scrutinizing look. “What the heck is that—” Gilda’s eyes suddenly lit up as she caught the myriad colors sparkling in the midday sun. “GEMS!”

“WHAT! NO!” Applejack cried as a crowd of griffons took notice of the pile around her. “These are mine!”

Gilda dashed towards the gem pile as did all other griffons in the immediate vicinity.

“Dibs! DIBS!” Gilda called out.

“Ah will END y’all, ye mangy flee-bitten feather-cats!” Applejack hollered, blowing an angry gust of air from her nose as she hooved at the ground.

“PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END, VILE BULLY!” Magic Pants shouted in majestic anger.

“Whoa! WHOA!” Twilight shouted. “Time out!”

There was a pulse of majestic magical energy from Magic Pants’ horn and at once all the Griffons froze in place.

“Oh! Good thinking, Twilight!” Applejack said. “Now help me collect these here gems!”

“I didn’t do that for you, Applejack!” Twilight exclaimed.

Applejack let out a sad sigh. “Yer so selfish, Twi,” Applejack said as she trotted up to an elderly griffon with a molted, feather free face, removed the fez he was wearing, and returned to her gem pile to fill up another hat.

Twilight looked at the majestic Magic Pants in concern. “You really think Gilda deserves to die?!”

“She’s a bully!” Magic Pants majestically answered.

“That doesn’t mean she deserves to be murdered!” Twilight countered.

“It’s not MURDER!” Magic Pants insisted majestically, again. “It’s an execution!”

“You’re still killing someone!” Twilight cried.

In a majestic fashion, Magic Pants nodded. “Yes, but an execution means it’s justified!”

“She has a point, Twi!” Applejack said as she attempted stuffing the fez until it was more a misshapen red bag full of gems.

Twilight tossed an angry glare at Applejack then turned back to Magic Pants. “Okay… but…” Twilight thought for a moment then smiled to herself. “I thought you were all about friendship! Friendship means giving others a chance to fix past mistakes!”

Magic Pants’ majestically thought this over for a moment. “I suppose you have a point…” Magic Pants’ gave Twilight a kind (and majestic) smile. “And I also suppose even beings as powerful as myself can still learn from time to time and that our flaws make us more interesting characters.”

“Uh… Okay…” Twilight replied. “I’m not sure why you phrased it that way, but I’m glad we agree.”

“Ah think friends discuss their different points of view more!” Applejack added as she brought over a scarf to the pair of hats she had filled with gem shards and began wrapping it around a mound of gems.

Twilight let out a heavy sigh. “Applejack, are you stealing from the Griffons?!”

“NO!” Applejack insisted. “Ah’m leavin’ them gems to buy new clothes with! It’s more like ah’m buying from them without them knowing!”

“That’s still morally questionable Applejack!”

“This WHOLE DAY has been morally questionable, Twilight!”

“Much like BULLYING except that it’s NOT morally questionable at all! It’s just BAD and bullies should be PUNISHED SEVERELY!” Magic Pants’ declared in a righteous, majestic tone.

Twilight groaned and raised a forehoof to her forehead. “I thought you agreed that bullies deserve second chances!”

“Well, I still think they deserve some punishment,” Magic Pants’ countered majestically. “I still plan to give Gilda a savage beating!” she majestically majestic majestic majestically.

“Could ya beat up the resta the Griffons?” Applejack asked.

“AJ!” Twilight scolded. “Why?!”

Applejack shrugged as she pulled off an ascot from a griffon and placed small, blue gem atop his head. “Look, by all accounts, griffons are jerks… Ah mean… Rainbow Dash told me one of ‘em left her to die ‘cause she didn’t have bits to negotiate a rescue, Twilight!” Applejack began to wrap the ascot round more gems. “I feel that’s appalling enough that Ah’m willing to let all griffons share in the punishment so long as the rightful party is also punished!”

“You just crave more gems!” Twilight accused.

“Ah crave justice, Twilight!”

“As do I!” Magic Pants’ added m-word.

Twilight grit her teeth in barely restrained horror. “Now, wait just a—”

“Hey! Are you gathering gems?!” An enthusiastic female’s voice called out.

Twilight and Applejack looked up in surprise as a cheery gray-feathered griffon flapped up to them.

“I’m really good at gathering gems!” she added.

“Oh, that is just unfair!” Magic Pants griped majestically.

“Hi! My name is Gabby!” the griffon said as she extended a talon towards the group.

“Keep yer greedy griffon talons offa my gems!” Applejack sneered.

“AJ!” Twilight chastised as she extended a forehoof and let Gabby shake it. “Hi… Gabby, was it? I’m Twilight Sparkle!” She motioned to Applejack. “This is—”

“A pony who wants ya to leave!” Applejack said as she gathered her pilfered clothing items full of gems close to herself.

Twilight sighed. “That’s Applejack and this is—”

“HOW IS IT THAT YOU ARE NOT FROZEN IN TIME?!” Magic Pants bellowed maj… magnificently!

Gabby grinned. “Oh! I’m super good at not being frozen in time!” She chuckled. “I mean, I think I’m just good at most things!” Gabby swung a talon in front of her chest. “If you want to succeed at something, just put your mind to it!”

Magic Pants let out an m snarl. “No! You have to have some flaws, otherwise, you just come off as a Mary Sue and are completely unbelievable!”

Gabby rubbed her beak between two claws as she dwelt on Magic Pants’ words.

At once, Twilight’s expression fell into the heaviest of frowns as if joy was dead and forgotten to the world. “Applejack, I think I understand how you’ve felt pretty much the entire day.”

“Understanding costs nothin’, Twi,” Applejack said, “but helpin’ me take all these gems home wins you… well… gems!”

Twilight just let out an exasperated groan.

“Groaning don’t help us become rich, Twi!”

Twilight attempted to furrow her brow and raise an eyebrow simultaneously to amazing success. “Applejack, I honestly want nothing to do with your gems.”

“Great more for me!” Applejack said. Applejack also furrowed her brow and raised an eyebrow. “But why?”

“Because I’ve had lots of bad experiences with partially digested, spit-up gems!” Twilight countered. “Believe me, you’d leave them alone too if you had to spend a few hours with your eyes running under a faucet to make sure you didn’t go blind!”

Finally, Gabby spoke up. “Hey! I don’t have a cutie mark!” she declared as she pointed to her flank notably devoid of magical butt tattoo. “That’s a flaw!”

“That’s not a character flaw!” Magic Pants spat out just-please-insert-majestic’-or-’majestically’-after-like-everything-she-says-or-does. “Not having a cutie mark doesn’t somehow make you less good at literally everything!”

“Oh wait!” Gabby exclaimed. “I am bad at one thing!”

“Yes?” Magic Pants uttered in anticipation.

“I’m bad at not having something I’m bad at!” Gabby declared with a happy expression.

“THAT’S IT!” Magic Pants cried. With a brilliant neon-rainbow flash of her horn a wooden bat for every man, woman, and child (the children bats being notably smaller) appeared. “It’s savage beating time!”

“Yes!” Applejack declared.

“Oh are we playing baseball?!” Gabby asked. “I’m great at baseball despite no indication Griffons have one clue what that even is!”

With that, Magic Pants let out another pulse of magical energy unfreezing the griffons who each took a moment to pause and take in their surroundings as if they had suddenly been woken up from a deep slumber.

“Where’s my hat?!”

“Where’s my scarf?!”

“Oh, sweet! Free gem!” the male Griffon Applejack had placed a blue gem on said as he noted the gem on his head. He glanced at Applejack and her considerable clothing and gem pile. “HEY! That’s my ascot!”

“Ah dun paid you all fer yer ratty griffon clothes!” Applejack exclaimed. “Y’all can buck off!”

“SHE’S GOT OUR STUFF AND A BUNCH OF GEMS!” Gilda shouted. “GET HER!”

“AH!” Applejack exclaimed. “Magic Pants! Do yer thing!”

Magic Pants nodded. “Deploying operation heavy beating!”

Gabby frowned. “Wouldn’t a better name be assault and battery?!”

“YOUR BEATING WILL BE EXTRA SEVERE!” Magic Pants declared.

“WAAAAAAAAIIIT!” Twilight exclaimed as she let loose a magenta pulse of energy that held every griffon and baseball bat in place. The griffons all murmured in distress, their eyes drifting and focusing on the bats that were inches away from smacking them.

“Oh, that is such a sue move!” Magic Pants gripped.

“Can’t we talk about this?!” Twilight asked.

“Ah think we all know negotiations have failed, Twilight,” Applejack said.

“WHAT NEGOTIATIONS?!” Twilight exclaimed. “There’s been zero negotiations!”

Applejack nodded. “But if there had been, they’d have been a complete waste of time!”

Twilight let out an incomprehensible frustrated rage snarl.

“Hey, ponies and weird thing!” a female griffon called out. “I’ll negotiate with you for some bits or gems!”

Magic Pants scowled out at the griffon who had just spoken. “Oh… That’s that griffon that left Rainbow Dash to die in a chasm. I suppose I can just give her a savage beating… and Gabby and Gilda.”

Most the griffons all let out sighs of relief as most the bats disappeared.

“What the heck!” Gilda cried out. “Do something, friends of Rainbow Dash whose names I can’t remember!”

Gabby grinned. “I’m sooo good at remembering names and also taking a beating!”

“I’ll let you beat me for a few gems!”

“No!” Applejack exclaimed as she continued to guard her new wealth like a dragon wearily guarding its horde.

“Applejack!” Twilight exclaimed. “We can’t just let things continue on like this!”

“She left Rainbow Dash to DIE, Twilight!” Applejack hissed. “My unapologetic greed over today’s events aside, there’s got to be a line somewhere!”

Twilight let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, so one griffin deserves to be beaten, fine!”—

“I also deserve gems!”

—”But not Gabby!”

“What?! Why?!” Magic Pants protested.

“You can’t just beat people for bugging you!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Would be nice, though…” Applejack lamented.

Magic Pants’ lip began to quiver. “But—”

“No! No ‘buts’!” Twilight insisted. “Unless Gabby has actually willfully harmed or abandoned somepony, there’s no point to debating this!”

Magic Pants huffed out a sigh. “Fine, fine! I guess this highlights my super-awesome mercy and insight or whatever…” she griped as her horn flashed again as the bat next to Gabby vanished.

“Hey!” Gilda called out. “You forgot to get rid of mine!”

“I’m still beating you!” Magic Pants exclaimed. “Because you were still a bully that one time!”

“WHAT?! Nerd horse! Do something!”

Twilight sighed. “Really? You can’t even ask for my help without insulting me!”

“See!” Magic Pants said as she motioned towards Gilda. “She deserves a beating!”

“And WE deserve gems!” the elderly griffon called out.

“No, wait!” Applejack cried. She turned to Twilight. “Twi, I’m beggin’ you, hat in hooves!”

“That’s not even your hat, Applejack!” Twilight snapped.

“I’d spill all the gem shards if I picked up my hat!” Applejack counted. “Anyhow, Ah’m beggin’ ya… Some filthy feather-cat’s hat in hooves”—

“Also, why are you speciesist against griffons all of a sudden?!” Twilight asked.

—“Ah’ve had a no-good, rotten, terrible day! Just lemme keep all these clothes I filled with riches!”

Twilight frowned deeply. “I can’t let you just take other creature’s clothes, AJ. It doesn’t matter if you ‘paid’ for them or not! You didn’t even ask!”

Applejack sighed. “Fine. Well Ah can ask something now!”

Twilight scrunched her lips up to one side of her face. “Well… I suppose you can.”

Applejack turned and nodded towards all the Griffons. “Alright, y’all… Ah just gotta ask one thing!” She motioned towards Magic Pants. “How come y’all can look at Magic Pants without losing yer lunches?”

“WHAT?!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Why would we do that?!” Gilda called out. “She’s just some… really weird lookin’ pony!”

Applejack looked up at Magic Pants. “Yer not like… Part griffon or anything? Like… You jus’ happen to have the gullet of a griffon or something?!”

“What! No!” Magic Pants cried. “Griffons are lame! Why would I have any part of them?!”

“Hey! Griffons are cool now!” Gabby insisted.

“Ugh, they so aren’t!” Magic Pants countered.

“Well, everyone thinks they’re a lot cooler now that I had an episode!” Gabby counter-countered.

Twilight leaned over towards Applejack. “Are you following any of this?”

“Ah stopped caring back with the dragons, Twi.”

“Wait… Really?!” Magic Pants replied. With another neon-rainbow glow of her horn, a rectangular item appeared in front of Magic Pants. She took it in her gossamer wings and began swiping at it a few times.

“Uh…” Twilight said. “What are you—?”

“Shhhh!” Magic Pants shushed. “I’m checking my forum!”

“You have a forum?”

Magic Pants nodded. “Yes. I have a forum full of people who love me… mostly because I ban those that don’t…”

Twilight frowned heavily. “That sounds oddly controlling and borderline megaloma—”

“Jus’ let the mare work, Twi!” Applejack snapped.

Twilight sighed. “Fine, fine…”

After a few more moments of Magic Pants swiping and tapping at the with her wings, she looked up. “Okay! Fantastical news, griffons! It turns out I’m also a long-lost child of King Grover!”

Immediately, the griffons began to hurk up mounds of fur and bone.

Gabby smiled enthusiastically. “I’m really good a barfing up griffon pellets! Watch!” she declared as she brought up a griffin pellet easily twice the size of those around her and expelled it from her beak with enough force it sailed up and over the stone buildings.

Twilight’s eyes went wide and glassy as she released her magic and the griffons fell to the ground and continued to cough up all manner of indigestible animal bits. “Is this what going mad feels like?”

“The important thing is, Ah still have my earnings!” Applejack said as she clutched her gem and clothing pile protectively.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “I’d say the important thing is the griffons are okay…” She looked about. “Mostly…”

“Oh, right!” Magic Pants said as recognition hit and she began to savagely smash her floating bats against Gilda and the seemingly-extra greedy female griffon.

“WHY?!” Twilight cried.

Chapter 12: Diamond Dogs

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 12: Diamond Dogs

A canine-looking bipedal creature with angular features, paws half the size of a pony’s and green eyes full of curiosity sniffed at Magic Pants’ flowing neon-rainbow mane. “Why ponies bring us such strange creature?!” He asked as he swatted at his nose confusedly for a moment.

“I have no idea…” Twilight admitted.

“And Ah no longer care!” Applejack chimed in as she dug at shiny spot on the wall, the pile of gems and griffons’ clothes still close at hoof.

Twilight shot a curious glance up at Magic Pants. “Are you by chance part Diamond Dog?”

The Diamond Dog present and his one larger and one smaller companion immediately huddled together as the looked over Magic Pants in abject terror.

Magic Pants shook her head. “Oh, not at all…”

The Diamond Dogs present all let out sighs of relief they hadn’t even realized they were holding.

“But I love dogs and want to pet all of them!” Magic Pants added in a bubbly tone.

However, the Diamond Dogs did release their kibble.

“Blllllarrrrrgggghghghghghrarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhffffff…”

Applejack ignored the scene and continued digging at the walls.

Twilight stared out into the winding caves of the Diamond Dog unground network. “It’s okay, Twilight… How much longer can this possibly go on for?”

Chapter 13: Buffalo

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 13: Buffalo

A buffalo wearing a large, feathered headdress shot out a perplexed look about the several dozen buffalo gathered, including one pony sized buffalo with a curly mane. The look was simply sent back from the groups and shared amongst them. This buffalo chief then turned towards Magic Pants. “I’m not sure why you feel the need to extend pony friendship to us, strange one. We are already at peace with the ponies.”

Magic Pants nodded. “Oh, I know! It’s just that I feel a connection to your people?”

“Uh, do you?” Chief Thunderhooves said as Little Brave Heart peered intently at Magic Pants.

Magic Pants smiled. “Yes! See, I am 1/64th Cherokee! So I’m descendent of the native Americans which are basically bipedal buffalo!”

BLAAAAARARRRRARRGGGHCHCHHCHCHRRRRAGFFFFFCCHCHCHCHFFFARAARR…”

“It… it can’t go on for much longer!” Twilight said, obviously trying to convince herself more than anypony. “It just can’t!” she added as tears begin to form in her eyes.

“Hey Twilight?” Applejack said in an inquisitive tone. “Do ya think turquoise has any intrinsic or monetary value?” She asked as she examined one of the large blue-green gemstones.

Chapter 14: Yaks

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 14: Yaks

“Really?” Applejack said in disbelief. “You’re not going to throw up…? Or… Or even try to smash her?”

“Why Yaks smash beautiful princess?” Flanked by about a half dozen yaks, Prince Rutherford motioned towards Magic Pants with a forehoof… Obviously. Who else would he motion to? “She’s perfection,” he added, stating the obvious.

Applejack’s eyes unfocused as she stared deeply into empty space. “Ah don’t even know what’s real anymore.”

Prince Rutherfurd’s eyebrows raised and lowered quickly. “Unless apple pony means ‘Smash’ her…”

Applejack frowned deeply. “Ah don’t believe I did, no…”

“And by smash Prince Rutherford of course means have hot se—”

“Can we be done, please?!” Applejack exclaimed.

“… Please, yes…” Twilight uttered in a tiny, pleading tone.

Magic Pants’ antennae began to twitch. “My Breezie sense!”

“So, the Breezies need us now?” Applejack asked.

Magic Pants nodded. “What a splendid guess!”

Applejack’s emerald eyes rolled in their sockets. “Yeah, just lucky, Ah suppose.”

“Well,” Twilight mused, “at least breezie vomit can’t be that bad!”

Chapter 15: Breezies

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 15: Breezies

BLLLLLLLLARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHRRRRRRRAARARARARFFGGGHGGHCCHCHCHCHFFFFRAAAAARFAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCHCHHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCGRRAAAaaaaaauuuuuuuuchchchchRAAAACCHCHCHCHCHFRRAAACCHCHCHGGHHRAAAAAARG!”

“HOW?” Twilight cried. “HOW CAN SUCH TINY THINGS CONTAIN SO MUCH VOMIT?! AND WHY IS IT SO GLITTERY?!”

“Ya know what?” Applejack said. “Ah’m turning the corner again. Ah think I’m back to hatin’ all the things and longing for the sweet embrace of death.”

Magic Pants smiled splendidly at Applejack. “Does that mean you no longer require your gems?”

Applejack clutched her gems all the righter. “I will have a coffin made from these if necessary!”

“Very well!” Magic Pants replied. She glanced up towards the sky as sparkling threads of ick drifted on the breeze. “Perhaps I should visit the cat folk? The sea ponies? Mayhaps the bird people?”

“The what, what, and also the what?” Twilight asked.

“I’mma gonna suggest ‘no’, ‘no’, and also ‘no’,” Applejack said.

Magic Pants shrugged. “Very well… I’m waiting until the movie comes out on Netflix anyhow, because stealing is wrong!”

Twilight twisted her lips in confusion. “I don’t quite get it,” she turned towards Applejack and glared at the mess of gems and ‘purchased’ articles of clothing. “But yeah, Applejack!”

“Don’t high-road me, Twilight! At least I’ve stuck around this entire time… not like I had much a choice…” she muttered.

“Well! It is time we return to Ponyville!” Magic Pants declared.

“Really?!” Applejack and Twilight asked enthusiastically.

“Really, really!” Magic Pants said. “Our quest is nearly at an end!”

Twilight’s eyebrow tightened. “But… I don’t think we did anything! Was there even a point?”

“Hey! Ah got paid at least!” Applejack said. “Which is gonna come in reeeeaaaal handy for the years of therapy Imma need after today!”

Twilight gave Applejack a scrutinizing look. “Aside from your gains, all we did was teleport to random places and make ponies and other creatures sick!”

“Also a changeling was murdered and two griffons were beaten within an inch of their lives!” Applejack said. “So, some stuff was done!”

Twilight’s scrutinizing look suddenly shifted into a simmering glare.

“Look, it seemed like ya wanted me ta say we did something today!” Applejack exclaimed as she motioned emphatically. “And three rather big life-changing events happened to at least three creatures we encountered! Literally in once case!”

“Oh, just go back to counting your gems, AJ!” Twilight said.

“Gladly!” Applejack replied.

“Away!” Magic Pants exclaimed.

Chapter 16: The Age of Peace

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Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants

Chapter 16: The Age of Peace

Twilight Sparkle let out a relieved sigh as she stared up at her castle for the first time for what seemed like three years, maybe plus a couple weeks. “Well… It’s certainly great to be back.”

“Is it, though?” Applejack asked.

Twilight’s face tightened as she continued to stare up at her massive crystal castle home. “Well, yeah! I know it’s been a rough day, but at least we’re home, Applejack.”

“I’m not feelin’ as great about it as you are, to be perfectly honest.”

“Ugh…” Twilight shook her head. “You made a kingdom’s ransom today!” Twilight exclaimed. “What’s it going to take to make you happy?”

“You turnin’ around to face away from yer castle would be a good start!”

Twilight took in a deep breath then let it out. “Okay, what’s the big—” she turned “—Oh.”

Standing in a massive group down the steps of the castle and just a bit away was seemingly an armor of ponies, even a pair with a couple shimmering, waving manes that sparkled in the sun, a familiar Draconequus floating over the group as he snacked on a bucket of popcorn, a small contingent of changelings led by Queen Chrysalis herself, a group of dragons gathered behind the towering Dragon Lord Torch, a group of griffons led by Gabby (who wore a t-shirt declaring herself that best at riots) and Gilda (who was covered in casts and bandages along with one other griffon), diamond dogs, the buffalo, the breezies, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan.

Most each of them carried a weapon or a burning torch of some kind and all of them glared at Magic Pants with murder in their eyes.

“REALLY?!” Twilight cried as she looked up at the sky as if angrily calling some deity or another.

Lying atop her gem pile, Applejack just shook her head. “Ah can honestly say this feels like a pretty natural conclusion to all of this rigmarole,” she quipped as the crowd let loose an angry roar.

“This isn’t funny, AJ!”

Applejack shrugged. “It’s kinda funny. Ah mean…” She extended a forehoof. “Look at the breezies! They’re usin’ matches as torches, but they keep burning so fast they’re going through entire boxes! Hyuk, hyuk. Now that’s dedication.”

A certain small, purple and green bipedal dragon stepped out from the crowed and thrust his green flame lit torch as high as he could. “There’s the monstrosity that’s been terrorizing all of Equestria!” Spike said as he pointed at Magic Pants. “Let’s end her reign of terror once and for all!”

A series of excited shouts rang out in agreement.

“Remember everypony,” a deep masculine voice called out, “if it fills you with dread, hit it until it’s dead!”

“Yes, I am forced to agree!” A deep female voice chimed in. “That thing’s demise will bring us glee!”

Iron Will took a moment to pause and look down at the white-and-black striped zebra. “Uh, hey…” he greeted. “Are you doing anything after we brutally murder that creature?”

Zecora looked up with a smile on her face. “If by chance you’re looking for a mate, then you’re in luck! It’s a date!”

Iron Will took a moment to silently pump a fist in front of his chest.

“Spike!” Twilight called out. “You stop leading that unruly mob, this instant!” she commanded.

“You’re not my real mom!” Spike shouted back.

Applejack gasped in disbelief as she stared at Spike.

Twilight just rolled her eyes. “It’s fine. He’s yells this at me all the time. Especially around bath time.”

“Ah thought Spike loved baths,” Applejack said with a slightly confused expression on her face.

Twilight nodded. “He does. It usually comes up when I’m trying to get him out for my bath time.”

Her eyes of shifting colors drifting over the crowd, Magic Pants smiled contently to herself. “It worked!” she cheered.

“What?!” Twilight exclaimed. “What worked?! They’re here to kill you!”

Magic Pants gave Twilight a radiant smile. “But they all came together to do it! Don’t you see! I’ve spread acceptance and unity across Equestria!”

“Yes, against you!” Twilight cried as she took a step back and Applejack hugged her gems all the tighter as the crowd edged closer and closer.

Magic Pants smiled luminously at Twilight and Applejack. “Well my little ponies, it seems my work is done.”

“I… What?!” Twilight exclaimed.

Applejack let out a heavy sigh of relief. “Oh thank you merciful Celestia!”

“You’re welcome, my little pony!” a call came out from the crowd. “… What did I do, exactly?”

Magic Pants looked out over the crowd. The crowed hesitated slightly as the sounds of a few members emptying the contents of their stomachs was heard.

Magic Pants smiled with the brilliance of a thousand suns. “Remember everypony that the magic of friendship lives inside of you just so long as you believe!” Magic Pants looked down at Twilight and smiled warmly. “Farewell… daughter,” and in a puff of dark, sparkling, rainbow, neon smoke. Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants returned to the land where reality is thin and magic floods the world like milk that is also magic.

There was a beat of silence as Twilight, Applejack, and the crowd of Equestrians all stared at the sparkly, and clearly magical magic smoke then at Twilight.

Applejack was the first to speak up. “Did she call you ‘daugh—”

Twilight quickly rushed towards the nearest bush and threw up her lunch.

The End.

For now...