Ponies are like onions.

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My name is Scootaloo.
I am a pony.
I was only 9 years old.
I loved Rainbow Dash so much. I had all her posters and action figures.
I lead a congregation devoted to her.
I prayed to Dash every night before bed, thanking her for the life I'd been given.
"Dash is love." I'd say. "Dash is life."

My sister, Cheerilee hears me saying this.
She calls me a faggot.

I knew she was just jealous.
Jealous of my devotion for Dash.
I called her a cunt.
She slaps me with her hoof and sends me to bed.

I'm crying now.
My face hurts.
I lay in my bed; it's really cold.

A.... ....warmth.....
....is moving towards me.

I feel something touch me.

It's Dash.

I am so happy.
She whispers into my ear.
"Three months of winter coolness."
She grabs me with her powerful Wonderbolt arms and puts me on my hooves and knees.

I'm ready.
I spread my wings for Dash.
She rainbooms my flankhole.
It hurts so much.
But I do it for Dash.

I can feel my cutie mark forming as my eyes start to water.
I push against her force.
I want to please Dash.

She neighs a mighty neigh as she fills my flank with a cutie mark.

Cheerilee walks in.
Dash looks her straight in the eye and says:
"It's 20% cooler now."
Dash flies through my window.

Dash is love.
Dash is life.

This is my cloud.

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My name is Scootaloo.
I am a pony.
I was 11 years old.

I had watched Rainbow Dash fly 452 times.
Cheerilee says it's bath time.
I took my action figure with me to the bath.
Cheerilee yells at me for taking too long in the bath.

She tells me I like that shitty Wonderbolt too much.
She bucks my action figure.
My only Dash action figure is destroyed.

I cry tears of sorrow and pray to Dash.
My bottle of bubble bath floats to the surface.
Wonderbolt-scented bubble bath.
I dump the sky-blue contents into the tub.

The stench of the Wonderbolts makes my wings extend.

I flap furiously in the blue water and bubbles.

Fly.

"We melt the white snow."
Dash emerges from the water, naked.
Enraged, Dash flies out of the bathroom.

She flies to Cheerilee's room where my sister is grading tests.
Dash is enraged by the non-pegasus infidel.
"When the sun comes up, it's warmth and beauty will glow!"

Dash's leg-sized wings stand to attention.
She flaps at my sister's cutie mark until feathers come out her mouth.
She burns down my house with rainbooms.

I am left alone in the tub as the house burns.
I ask Dash, "Is winter wrapped up?"
"CAUSE TOMORROW SPRING IS HERE."

Baptize myself in the bath.
Emerge as the new Rainbow Dash.
Dash takes my hoof.
We fly into the sky.

Dash is love.
Dash is life.

Better out than in, I always say.

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My name is Scootaloo.
I am 14 years old.
I am a pony.

I brought film reels of Rainbow Dash to class.
I tell the teacher we must watch Dash.

Then, Featherweight pulls out a film reel of Lightning Dust.
Everyone in class votes for it and laughs at me.
Teacher throws my reel back at me and sets up the Dust one.

As the projector clicks I hear footsteps from outside.
The smell of rainbows fills the room.
Dash breaks through the wall.
The rumbling shakes the desks and chairs.

She looks at Featherweight in anger.
"All we really like is what we know!"

She bucks him in the chest.
Featherweight explodes.
His parts hit the teacher and a deaf girl.

Dash picks up the teacher and drops her out the window.
She falls eight stories to her death.
Dash turns to the rest of the class.
"These animal's won't listen. No not one little bit."

The entire class jumps out the windows and fall.
Dash turns to me.
"If you ever tell anypony else, I'm gonna deny it."
I fall to my knees at her majesty.

I am ready to please Dash.

Dash's wings are lodged in my throat.
My eyes are filled with tears.
Happy tears.

Dash lets out a mighty pony neigh as my esophagus is filled with rainbooms.

As I wipe away my tears, I notice she is already gone.

Dash is love.
Dash is life.

A mean weedrat stew.

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My name is Scootaloo.
I am a pony.
I was 18 years old.

My boyfriend is named Rumble.
We fly on a regular basis.
He asks for a movie night, something exciting.
Think of two things we love:
Rainbow Dash and flying.

I go out of my way to find a Rainbow Dash movie.
Rumble laughs and says it's fucking retarded.

No flying for a week.
One night Rumble is over and we are cuddling.
We start kissing and I reach towards his cutie mark.
He stops me,
and says,

NO.

I ask, "why?"

He says it's because of the movie.
He is weirded out and thinks we need to take a break.

I tell him it was a stupid mistake.
There is a bang on the window.
I fly over to check it out.
The smell of rainbows is unbearable.

The window shatters and a fully aroused Dash enters the room.
"Applejack needs your help. She's trying hard doing what she can."
Rumble inserts his wings into the air.
We begin flying hard.
Dash rainbooms in front of him and begins to race.

Neigh in pure ecstasy as we all create rainbooms.
Dash exits through the window and recedes into the bushes.
Rumble and I cuddle for the rest of the night.

"Dash is love." I say, "Dash is life."

Ponyville is a perfect town.

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My name is Scootaloo.
I am a pony.
I was 19 years old.

I was at magic class.
I pulled my magic wand out so I can do spells.
The girl behind me asks, "Hey why is your magic wand striped like a rainbow?"
She scoffs and starts giggling.

The class mule overhears our conversation.
He walks up to me and says, "Hee-haw."
He knocks the wand out of my hands and hoofbumps his friends.

I pull my Rainbow Dash Fanclub wig out from under my wing and put it on.
I stand up and recite 'Inno nazionale Dale nuvola'.
I make a large rainboom in the air.

My wand....

...starts....

...to shake violently.

It emits a sky blue haze.
The stench of Wonderbolts and coolness fills the room.
The teacher tries to leave the room but the door is 20% locked.

Dash bursts out of my wand and whinnies with rage.
She grabs the donkey and rips his toupee off with one thrust.
She shoves it down his throat.
Dash crushes a box of hayfries and spreads the oil on her hoof.

She flies to the girl who laughed at me and bucks her cutie mark.
Dash lets her live since she knows the horrible life the filly will lead.

Dash pushes the teacher aside.
She stands at the podium in front of the class.

"I've been dreamin', I've been waitin', to fly with those great ponies."

"Dash is love, Dash is life." the class responds.

"They'll shower us with diamonds." Dash bellows.

Dash returns to my wand.
The teacher continues the lesson plan from before.
I return home and Cheerilee is upset.
She says she got a call from the school again.
She asks me what I have done.

I turn to my sister and say what I have always said to the congregation.

Dash is love.
Dash is life.

Can't we just settle this over a pint?

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My name is Scootaloo and I am a pony.
I was 20 years old.

I am browsing through my collection of Rainbow Dash stories
Cheerilee comes in and tries to take them away.
I call her a whore.
She leaves the room and I hide in the closet.
I open the drawer and take out my autographed Rainbow Dash poster.
I pray to Rainbow and pass out.

The next day I wake up.
I go to Cheerilee's room.
Her body is open and filled with blue feathers.
There is a note.
It says to go outside.

Rainbow Dash is outside on a floating rainboom.
"Who wants a flugelhorn?"
I hop on and we fly away into outer space.
We land on a Dash planet where everything is Dash.

I start a new life and marry Dash.
We have crazy pegasus sex with rainbooms all over my flank.
We have many fillies.
We name all of them Spitfire.

At night when my children are asleep I whisper to them.

'Dash is love." I say, "Dash is life."

fin.