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I have to ask her. I shouldn’t. I can’t. I must. Everything is on edge. I-
“Sister?”
Celestia looked up from her lunch, the sunlight playing through the leaves of the trees around us across her face.
“Yes?”
“I… Something has been bothering me, Sister.”
“Hmmm?” She raised an eyebrow.
“I… hrm. A pony came to me for advice, and - she’s fine. Last I heard she and Green Bloom were doing well, but - I, sorry, I’ll explain later.“ I paused. “Something came up that disturbed me.”
“And what is that?”
I opened my mouth, and then looked away, frowning. Celestia looked at me, her face neutral. After a moment she quirked an eyebrow. I was holding up lunch, and she was busy. This was stupid -
“Ponies are scared of you, Sister.” I looked at her. “I… at first I thought it was just the pony I spoke with. But the more I looked into it, the more I found it. Officials, maids, clerks, ponies on the street. I even read the letters and journals of Twilight and even she - your pupil! She was terrified of you. I just… why?”
“I see.” Celestia said, leaning back.
“And it doesn’t even make sense!” I said, swinging my hoof. “The pony who spoke to me said she trusted me, found my wisdom useful. She… Augh. Why?” I look at my sister. I imagined my confusion and fear were plain. “I… why? Ponies should fear me, Celestia, but not you. Never you.”
I watched the emotion drain from my sister.
“I see. I hadn’t realized you noticed that.”
“You knew?!”
Celestia chuckled at me and smiled.
“It’s hard not to when your student comes close to leveling a village with an enchanted doll because she was worried how you would take a tardy-” She drifted off for a moment. “...how I would take a letter, Luna. A simple letter, of her studies. Not an assignment, but she took it as one. And when I came to help and put her at ease, she cowered…” Her voice was tinged bitter. “Yes, I knew.”
“Why?”
Celestia shrugged, and smiled. When she spoke her voice was tired.
“There is a reason every word we have to describe the pinnacle of something is singular, I suspect. When a pony sees somepony who they perceive as superior, without knowing anything else about them, they tend to make their perception match the information. The pony they see becomes… something more,” My sister frowned, “and something less. I am not a pony to them, but a force, a goal, a threat, an office, a symbol. Those things though, they don’t think, or feel, and they don’t make friends easy. So… I remain alone.”
“How do you stand it sister?”
She shrugged.
“After a hundred years or so you just get used to it.”
I - Why - I - I -
“Luna, look at me.”
“I’m so sorry.” I sobbed.
“Luna, Luna! Look at me!”
I tried. I - all my fault - I -
- I exhaled and opened my eyes. My breath came out as a rattle as I blinked away my tears. Celestia held my gaze as I shook, breathing, centering myself. The tension faded.
“Uh…” I finally said. “Sorry.”
Celestia laughed. I don’t know what was funny, but I was laughing as well before I knew what was happening.
“It’s alright, Luna. I… well, appreciate that you care.” She smiled.
“That’s a nice way to put it.”
“Oh shush you.”
“Heh…”
Her smile grew softer.
“I didn’t really want to burden you with worrying about my relationships, but I do appreciate that you know. I can make friends with time and effort, but still, knowing that you know and understand is something I count as a blessing. It’s… hard. There are very few ponies I can speak with about it. Even the ones who don’t fear and worship me will find it hard to understand. Most will just try and offer advice I’ve tried tirelessly.”
I tensed.
“Still, it helps.” She went on, oblivious. Her smile brightened. “So, that’s all then?”
I sat for a long time.
“It’s not fair.” I said, suddenly.
“Fair?” Celestia said.
“It’s not fair that you live like this. That you suffer. That in the end ponies would trust me before you.”
“That’s not quite true, Luna -”
“It might as well!
“Luna, calm down-”
“I WILL NOT!” I swung my hoof down. There was a terrible crack. She flinched. I felt chunks of stone dig into my cheek. Something heavy hit the grass with a thud. A flutter of wings as the song birds fled the garden.
“... Even now.” I said, staring down at the shattered stone table. “Even now, I cannot control myself, and someone else will pay. I…” Darkness overwhelmed me as my hooves found my face. My eyes burned. I was sobbing again. I was such a weakling. “You are such a beautiful soul, and all I do is make you suffer. All you do is suffer. You don’t deserve it.”
“... I did enjoy that book you lent me.”
“What?!” I half sobbed, half snarled. She shrugged at me, looking innocent.
“Well, you said all you did was make me suffer. I was, well… just pointing out that it wasn’t a correct assertion. Not everything you do makes me suffer.” She smirked, in a good natured way. “Honestly, Luna, such hubris? You are not so mighty that I can’t find new and creative ways to ah, as you put it, “suffer,” on my own. I’m a big filly, I can ruin my life without your help.”
…
I looked away then.
…
I exhaled. I laughed. Well, chuckled really. I felt weary.
“Sorry to ruin your lunch.” Celestia clicked her tongue in response.
“You ruined my table, Sister. My lunch was spared.” She shook her head, smiling. “Such, such hubris.”
“You know what I meant.”
“I did. Doesn’t mean I’m going to acknowledge it OR pass up an opportunity to take a jab at a linguistic ambiguity.” She quirked her eyebrow in pantomime. “Are you sure you’re my sister, and not some changeling infiltrator? If you are I recommend you find a new pony to feed on. I have a bad habit of conspiring to have my loved ones and pupils assaulted with the Elements of Harmony.”
“That’s not funny sister.” I was smiling.
“Isn’t it? Curses. I need to work on my humor again. Perhaps I should swear more. Worked for Bitter Insight.”
I sighed, and shook my head.
“You just won’t take this seriously.”
“Nope. Seems to be what Pinkie Pie would do, and I find her advice sagacious for this sort of thing. She IS the Element of Laughter after all.”
“You’re incorrigible.”
“And you wouldn’t love me any other way.”
I chuckled, shaking my head in defeat.
“Very well, Sister. You win.”
“Don’t I always?” She fluttered her eyelashes.
“Yes…” I said, my smile fading. “Always.”
Celestia sighed. There was a long silence before she spoke again.
“The fact is Luna, that if you must know, while you have your past, and your mannerisms, and yes, even your temper, those are all very equine failings. You are Luna, freed from a dark curse she brought upon herself, the long lost daughter of Equestria finally brought home again, like the heroine of some story. They pity you, admire you, see you with affection. In many ways being the ‘lesser’ sister, even your tragedy, maybe even because of it, has made you closer to them, so they can learn to love you easier. Fear is born of ignorance. Worship and terror, from an imperfect understanding. It’s… much harder to dissuade.” She fell silent for a long time, smiling slightly. “But, don’t fret much, Luna. I have you, and Cadance. Furthermore, I suspect as Twilight grows into her station, I will probably gain another real friend, and more most likely. It… It does hurt, sometimes, but…” She looked at me then, smiling still. “Other times? I really am happier than I’ve ever been.”
“...I ...Sister.” Curse my eyes. Why must they betray me.
She stood then, and walked towards me. Once again, her great white wings enveloped me as she pulled me tight.
“I’m glad you’re back, Sister."
“I… thank you.”
She let go, the sudden breeze after the warmth hitting me like ice.
“I have to go. Would be somewhat embarrassing for the Sun herself to be late.” She was smiling. “See you.”
“Take care,” I said.
“You too.”
And with that, she left.
…
I sat for some time, the wind rushing over me. I… I needed…
I sighed.
It was pointless. I needed to rest. With that I stood, taking our plates back toward the palace, and then rest.