> Sunset Shimmer the Siren Slayer
>  by Chinchillax
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> Sunset Shimmer's first fire drill
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Sunset Shimmer sat bolt upright in her chair, the piercing howling noise shaking her to her very core and reminding her of— the Sirens! Her eyes narrowed at the very thought, her old enemy returned once more to destroy the high school, her high school. She wouldn’t give the Sirens another chance to take over the school again. She dashed out of the classroom past the students that were already crowding to leave the building.
The entire school was flooding the hallways, clearly evacuating against the coming danger of the sirens, danger she was ready to face once again. But where was the screeching singing coming from? The Sirens obviously hadn’t regained all of their powers again, because the noise sounded like a lumberjack whittling a piece of steel into a usb drive with a cheese grater while a herd of hyenas was singing opera in the background, though if they added some drum and bass it could sound like a song from Vinyl Scratch’s new album. The “music” bounced around the school, reverberating across every classroom, filling every crevice with the Siren’s unearthly noise.
They had to be stopped.
Sunset Shimmer, always ready for the random musical numbers that often pervaded her life, grabbed one of her eighty-three spare guitars she had stashed around the school, yanking out the one that was lodged in between one of the cupboards of her biology class.
After strumming a few chords she remembered that she had only stashed one amp, and that was in the music room.
The hallway was still crowded with people as Sunset Shimmer dashed in between her classmates like a running back dashing through lines of those other people that are also on that field in that game that so many high schoolers play, what was it again? She pondered on that and managed to crash into several of her classmates, their yells of discontent inaudible over the Siren’s awful singing.
Sunset Shimmer said “sorry” once and continued to plow through students, a few birds, and a baking soda volcano science project. Sunset loved sorry spells, it didn’t even feel like casting a spell, but once she said the word she was completely exempt from the consequences of her actions for five whole minutes. It was like grabbing a star in Super Mario World, but it lasted longer.
She swung open the doors to the music room and found the amp to her guitar. She jammed the auxiliary cable into the right slot, brought the volume up to eleven and started strumming a sick tune.
“You were thousand year old crazy evil seahorse things,
But then we took your magic and your ability to sing...s
But you’re not gonna win ever
Because I got my friends for-ever!”
Sunset jammed on the guitar, her eyes closed, she could feel as her ears started creeping up to the top of her head, which always felt really really gross but all her friends seemed to think it was really cool to have horse ears and magical girl transformation sequences which always made Sunset want to rethink the strange hobbies of her creepy new friends. She opened her eyes in anticipation for Fluttershy’s wicked tambourine solo they had practiced for hours for this very day when the Sirens would return.
But her friends didn’t join in. The room and the hallway outside was desolate except for the unearthly shriek of the still howling sirens. The Dazzlings must have gotten access to the school’s PA system.
Sunset Shimmer shimmied her way through the empty administration offices and into Principal Celestia’s office, the room with the PA system completely devoid of the Dazzlings or the principal, but the sadistic Siren music continued on its parade of metal grating opera.
She didn’t have her friends, and she didn’t know where the Dazzlings were broadcasting from, but it looked like the blinking red boxes on the walls were the source of the wailing.
She started to sing again, shouting at the red box to crush it into submission by the sheer power of rock.
“You stupid red box on the wall,
I’m gonna make you fall.”
But the box persisted, even after Sunset jumped up in the air and performed a Kick Flip McTwist on her guitar she was treating like a skateboard for some reason, which should totally be their next thing, all of her friends randomly learned how to play musical instruments like a few weeks ago, next time they should randomly know how to skateboard and have an epic skate off against sea serpents or whatever else pops out of Equestria next time.
The skate off, the horse ears, and the guitar did nothing to stop the red box on the wall, but Sunset had one last trick up her sleeve. She looked at her guitar, the name “Jimmy” written in permanent marker emblazoned on the front. She named all of her guitars J names. She grabbed it by the neck and swung him like a baseball bat at the red box.
Jimmy shattered into pieces as the red box flew off the wall and landed in the distance, the Siren’s spell weakening in the immediate vicinity. She stared at the remaining neck of the guitar in her hand and tossed it aside.
“One down.”
Sunset Shimmer thought of all the other red boxes that lined the halls of her school, they would all have to go.
She raced down the hallway, lockers streaming past until she spotted another red box innocently causing distrust and discord to pervade the school, feeding the merciless Sirens. She grabbed another stashed guitar, Jeremy, from the third ceiling tile to the left, and jumped into the air and swung down hard on the blinking screeching red box.
“Two down.”
She ran through more hallways, grabbing Jonathan, Jared, Joe, Joseph, Joey, and Jemima, her stashed guitars and sacrificing their lives to bash the red boxes off of the wall, each one stopping the pervasive noise from taking over the minds of her classmates.
The Dazzlings would pay for this. No really, each guitar costed $1,200 and those girls obviously had good stock market ties for being alive for a thousand years, they had the kind of money to pay for this stuff. And if she couldn’t beat them singing, she could beat them in a legal dispute. Professional lawyering was one of Sunset Shimmer’s many hobbies, including: playing guitar, ninjutsu, regretting everything, complaining online about TV shows she had no plans on seeing, and reanimating the dead.
At last, Jennifer took down the final red box off the wall, the electronic cords left behind gently swaying gently in a gentle manner in the gentle air conditioned breeze which was gentle.
That was all the red boxes, but for some reason there was a faint siren from outside, she only had one guitar left, Justin, she had to make this one count.
She raced down the hallway and out into the school parking lot, students were standing bored on the large lawn across the street from the school, a giant red vehicle the new source of the awful noise. The students barely gave Sunset a passing glance as she roared her battle cry.
“DON’T WORRY CANTERLOT HIGH!!! I’LL SAVE YOU!!!”
She deftly brought the guitar into her hands, the sheer power of rock lifting her up into the air and helping her swing hard into the loudspeakers on the large red vehicle. With one massive swing, Justin exploded into a shower of sparks and the loudspeaker was blasted away by the power of rock, but mostly because Justin had been a really heavy guitar.
Sunset Shimmer landed gracefully on the ground next to the vehicle, bringing herself up and facing back to her classmates. A smirk formed on her face as she looked proudly at them, the silent school evidence of her bravery.
The day was saved.