And Prove It I Will
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcgP2453BQQ
“Welcome everypony, to the Vanhoover Art of Motion Festival!”
My voice was lost in the sea of stomping and cheering. You could feel the energy in the air. It was electrifying.
“We’ve got nearly 30 participants this year, so look forward to some spectacular sights and some fabulous stunts.”
More cheering erupted. Our confidence swelled as we listened to the energetic fans. All of them here to see us, to watch our displays of skill and athleticism. I scanned the fan’s section for my family, catching sight of my younger sister hovering above them, cheering enthusiastically. I grinned at her and waved. My eyes drifted, allowing me to catch sight of him. I stared for a moment before forcing myself to look away, angrily grinding my teeth.
Why is he here?
“The festivities will start within the hour. Until we begin, we encourage our participants to mingle and have fun. While this is a competition, we are here to enjoy ourselves and display our abilities as friends as much as rivals.”
The cheers came from the actual athletes this time. We understood perfectly, this was a time for us to have fun; for camaraderie and sportsmanship. That was what most of us based our lives on after all.
I’d have to see if I could hold that standard.
It’s funny, my mom didn't want me involved in anything like this when I first started doing it. She had dreams of me being an engineer. Or some type of inventor. She was always the type push me to look towards the future. But she didn't understand. She never understood the things I wanted.
She thought I needed her. She thought that I couldn't survive on my own. She didn't trust me to take care of myself. She was wrong.
As the announcer finished up her speech, the crowd dispersed. Some of the ponies gravitated towards the practice spots while others formed groups and chatted amiably. My wings weren't yet restrained, and wouldn't be until the actual competition started, so I flew into the stands and sat with my family. I decided I could stay with them for a while before heading to practice. I placed myself between my two sisters, and was immediately hugged by Pink.
“Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh!” she squealed. “I’m so excited for you, Wolfe! You’re going to be awesome!”
I ruffled her pink mane. Making it look a bit spiky. “Thanks, Pink,” I said, hugging her back. “I’m glad somepony is excited,” I added, rolling my eyes playfully at my older sibling.
“Shut up,” she responded as she stuck out her tongue. She didn't even glance at me. So she saw him too.
“I’m going to get some snacks,” she said, standing. About halfway down, she turned back to yell at me. “Come on, Wolfe! Do you expect me to carry everything by myself?”
I gave a dramatic sigh, released Pink, and followed her down to the concessions stand.
Dusk didn't say anything at first, I knew she would soon, but I couldn't wait, the silence was getting to me. I knew what she wanted to tell me, so I bit the bullet.
“I already know,” I said, heading her off just as she opened her mouth.
She looked surprised. “About Dad?” she asked.
I nodded and sighed tiredly. “Did he tell you he was going to be here?”
She shook her head vehemently. “If he had, I would have told him to back off.”
I nodded again. My sister was the only one who still talked with my father.
He never came around. He never wrote. We basically ignored each other if we made eye contact in town. We hadn't spoken since that Father’s Day nearly two years ago. And I was just fine with that.
But I still heard ponies talk.
“I worry about him, growing up without a father is tough and all.”
“I've tried to be a paternal figure for him. But he shuts people out so easily.”
“I don’t know what to do with him. I can’t talk to him like a father would.”
Dusk Fire put a hoof on my shoulder, stopping me.
“Calm down,” she ordered. Using that superior air that all older sisters seem to possess. I wanted to tell her that I was just fine. But she was right, I was far from calm. My breathing was heavy, my hooves shook a bit, and I was and I couldn't focus.
I took a few deep breaths. “Just one more thing to worry about,” I muttered, stomping the ground angrily. Why this? On top of everything else, why this?
“I know you’re angry.” She put a foreleg around me. “And that you have a lot on your mind, but remember what you’re here for.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “You said you have something to prove right?”
I did say that, didn’t I?
I breathed out, releasing the tension in my chest.
“Now, stop moping around.” She removed her leg and stepping out of view.
“Thanks, Sis,” I said, wiping an errant tear from my eye. “I guess we can head back now?”
“No way,” she said from her place in the queue. “I was serious about the snacks. And about you helping me carry them.”
I threw my head up, and gave the most exasperated sigh I could before joining her in line.
I made my way over to one of the many practice spots; choosing one that seemed to challenge speed.
I flew over to the start of the track. Noting the way some of the unicorns and earth ponies scoffed at my wings, I pointedly folded them.
I was one of the few pegasi here. And, out of all of them, the only one competing. But the looks I was getting here were nothing compared to what I heard from fellow pegasi.
Questions like, “Just, why?”
That question had come up so often, I had to come up with a catchphrase just to answer it.
Or, “Isn't it faster, and more fun, to fly?”
Depends on what you define as fun. Doing something everyone, like you, has done since they were born? Or trying something new, and working to be the best in that?
Or some of my personal favorites, “Can’t you hurt yourself doing that?” “Sweet Celestia, get down before you fall!”
Sorry, I've been training to do things like this for two years. Who are you again? Ah, right, some random pony off the streets who doesn't have the physical capability to do this. Thanks for your input.
So the comment that came next hardly phased me. “Flyers competition is next month, bud!” And cue the guffaws of the ponies who think that their joke is hilarious.
“Oh shoot,” I responded, not even turning my head. “Silly me. I was all excited too. I even brushed my mane.” Heavy sarcasm.
Sure, I probably made them angry, but I was sick of it. That wasn't what I came here to hear. I came here to compete. I came here to show off my skills. I came here to…
To do what exactly?
To prove something. But I wasn't even sure what. There was so much I needed to prove. So many ponies that needed to be shown what I could do. Where could I even start?
I could begin with showing these ponies that no pegasus would turn down a challenge. And that my skills were nothing to laugh at.
After the impromptu contest, I made my way over to the refreshments. I was thirsty beyond belief, and I wanted to be in top condition for the competition.
“Wolfe.”
Of course, the forces of the universe saw fit to derail that plan.
I turned, ready to bolt, but he was right behind me. He stepped in front of me. “Wolfe, wait!” He stepped back almost immediately, his face suddenly guilty. “Please…”
I didn't know what to feel exactly. The last time I’d seen him had been at my boiling point. I snapped at him. I completely lost it, and by the end, we both left crying.
But I couldn't regret what I had said. I couldn't bring myself to feel sorrow for how I’d felt. I wouldn't.
“What?” I asked flatly.
“Now calling Number 9. Number 9 to the starting area, please.”
Clop. Clop. Clop.
My hoofsteps echoed against the concrete, accompanied by the sounds of my breathing, and the band that restrained my wings rubbing against my feathers. I moved slowly, nervously, my heart beating at ten times it’s normal speed. The sudden light blinded me for a moment. Then the cheering hit me, nearly deafening me. I hadn’t realized before how packed the stands were. Standing up here, it was like having a giant spotlight on you. I wanted to freeze, to feel afraid. Instead I swelled. Not mentally, but physically. I could feel that I was ready. I could feel the energy surging through my body.
I blocked out the cheering, the lights, I focused on my body. I focused on the my energy, my instincts, and my adrenaline. I went inside myself.
I had something to prove.
I took off.
“Wolfe, we need to talk.”
I smoothly leaped over the first obstacle, landing front hooves first, and transitioned back into my gait without losing speed.
“I’m worried about you. You haven’t given this career enough thought.”
I leaped and spun, completing a full rotation before grabbing on to the next wall. A quick yank was all it took to pull myself over the top. I let myself fall from the other side.
“It’s hard enough to be an author, but a pegasus author? Ponies will look down on you, you’ll need to work twice as hard as anypony. ”
I bounced the moment after my hooves touched the ground. I kicked off the wall behind me with my back legs. I landed on my front ones and froze, holding the position perfectly.
“I will.”
Slowly, I lifted one hoof to my side. Shifting my weight steadily until I stood on the other hoof.
“Will you? Are you sure you won’t just slack off? Do you seriously think you can travel Equestria and still have the time to write? Do you think anyone will buy from a slacker. A procrastinator?”
I let my body fall backwards, moving my hooves to their proper places beneath me. I crouched.
“If I slack off, then that proves that this is not the life for me. Until that’s proven though, I’m following this path to the end.”
I exploded forward.
“You know you can talk to me about anything right?”
“Yeah, I do.”
My hooves pounded against the ground. I was showing off my speed, one of my best assets.
“Wolfe, I’m here if you need to say anything.”
“You can’t keep things bottled up like this, Wolfe. Talk to me.”
My heart pounded, my breathing got heavy. I couldn't stop now, I wasn't even close to finishing.
“I’m fine.”
I jumped, my eyes locked on my target. The horizontal beam less than a foot away from me.
“Wolfe, you feel like talking?”
“I can never replace your father, but I want you to know…”
I pressed my hooves together a moment before I landed. I teetered for a second.
“I KNOW! You care! I get that. But you need to understand something.”
I couldn't stabilize. The bar was too small. There wasn't enough room for me to balance my weight.
“I’m happy to have you in my life. But stop trying to be him. I want you to be you, because that’s the pony that chose to stay in my life.
I had an idea. I lifted my front left leg and my back right one. Finally, my body ceased it’s shifting, and I was able to stand tall. I grinned.
“You’re weird for a pegasus.”
I jumped into the air, this time away from the bar. I threw the front half of my body backwards. I made the rotations quick, my hooves were under me well before I hit the ground.
“Wait, you actually like running?”
I took a few steps backwards, staring at the wall ahead.
“An author? I think you’d be more suited for hoofball, or maybe the Wonderbolts.”
“Flashy, but what was the point of that exactly?”
I galloped forward, my eyes set perpendicular to the wall.
“That colt needs to stop trying to be something he’s not. He’s a pegasus and he should act like it.”
“Something I’m not?”
I jumped a few steps before I would have hit the wall. I kicked downwards, letting all four hooves come in contact in sequence. First the front two, then the back.
“So you all think I should be the same as you? I shouldn’t be original in any way?”
As soon as my back legs touched the wall’s surface I lunged forward.
“No.”
I caught the ledge, but I didn’t pull myself up yet. I half-turned my head, glancing at the horizontal pole behind me.
“No thank you. I’m setting my own path.”
I threw myself away from the wall and spun. Tossing my hooves up I caught the pole. Using the momentum I’d gathered, I flew forward and let go at the apex of my swing.
“Don’t worry, son.” He wiped the tears from my cheek. “I’ll still see you around. This isn’t goodbye, just ‘See ya later.’
“I can’t today, Kiddo.”
I landed hard atop the next platform. Definitely something I still need to work on.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it.”
I took off again, I was higher up now, the ground now at least fifteen feet below me.
“Wolfe...”
I dived forward, my hooves caught the edge of the mini wall.
“I know I’ve hurt you,”
I threw my lower body over my head.
“And for that I can never apologize enough,”
I pushed off with my front hooves. A near perfect front flip over the shoulder high wall.
“I know I don’t deserve another chance,”
“But I’m asking for one anyway. I want the chance to try to be a better father to you.”
Time slowed down for me. I could see everything now. Every possible path. I saw every possible move that I could try.
“If the answer’s ‘No’ then I’ll leave. You won’t have to see me again.”
“...”
But there was only one way I wanted to go.
He nodded and turned away.
I let myself fall, trusting my body to move the way it needed to.
“Just one…”
His ears perked up.
I placed all my hooves against the wall in front of me as I fell. I kicked at it, and sent myself spinning.
You’ll never make it.
What are you trying to do?
You’re nothing.
You’re worthless.
Give up.
You can’t win.
You are nothing but a
Slacker
Nobody
Loser
Worthless
Wannabe
Dreamer
…
Is…
Is that all you’ve got?
W-what?
That’s it?
What do you m-
Why’d I have you sitting in my mind for years?
I-
Why were you weighing on my thoughts all this time?
Now, w-wait!
Get out.
Y-you can’t kick me out. I-I’m part of you.
Not today you’re not.
B-but!
This is my day. My life. My choice. I’m the pony who’s proving something here. I’m the pony who’s been through this life. I’m the pony who’s worked his flank off to get where he is now. And I’m not done, not by a long shot. So you can take yourself out of my head RIGHT NOW.
I’ve got something to prove…
And nothing…
Is going to stop me!
I hit the ground running. The grand finale. I still had enough energy for that.
This is what I came here to do.
And I’m gonna do it.
My steps became faster and faster.
That’s how I’ll live my life.
The drop was approaching. I knew what awaited on the other side. I didn’t need to see it. I closed my eyes.
One step at a time. If I fall, I’ll get right back up.
I leaped, my forelegs spread to my sides.
That’s the story I plan on writing.
I spun. In as many directions I could at once. Both horizontally and vertically, all while spinning on a tilt. I opened my eyes, I needed to see where the ground was.
I hit the ground, sunk into the fall, and leaped again. I lashed out with a spinning back kick, then a side flip. I did a quick one-hoofed cartwheel, and ended off with a simple spin that brought me back to all four hooves.
I came in third place on that day. But I did what I needed to. I erased the doubt in my head. I erased the doubt in my heart. And I erased the doubt that surrounded me.
I had something to prove. And I kept proving it.