> Visiting Chaos
>  by Ink Well Inks Well
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Visit One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boredom did not suit the spirit of chaos.
Now, this wasn’t really a surprise, as boredom didn’t particularly suit anyone, but it especially did not suit Discord.
It was just so... boring.
And Discord hated boring.
It was just that a statue didn’t get much activity. He was in a relatively secluded part of the gardens now, after being freed by three simple fillies- he really did have to find a way to thank them, it was only polite- and the only things to see were the grass growing and bees buzzing.
Oh, and the birds using him as their personal toilet, that was fun, too.
There weren’t even flowers around here! Just hedges and grass and green green green green-
Pink?
Oh, now this was a change. And a delightful one, too! Pink was such a wonderful color. Bright and bouncy and in your face, deliciously chaotic- the color of cotton candy, strawberry ice-cream, taffy, cupcake frosting... the color of sugar, pure, beautiful sugar. Oh, he loved pink!
He did not, however, love the pony underneath the pink fur.
And dear Celestia, (although she was nothing close to dear to him,) why should he? This sugary menace was one of six little reasons he was in this predicament in the first place! Sure she was the most tolerable of the bunch, the only one with even a slight appreciation for his work, but he still didn’t like her.
He did, however, like cupcakes, and she happened to have those with her, so he wasn’t completely annoyed.
Just a bit miffed, maybe.
The pony’s eyes went wide as she approached the statue, no longer giggling and hopping, and she gulped. 
“H-heya, Discord!” she squeaked. “How’re you doing?”
Well, that was a surprise. She was actually trying to talk to him? Nobody did that- well, Luna did, sometimes, and that was alright. Celestia did too, but he always blocked that out, not particularly liking the constant talk of his wasted potential and redemption.
Gag.
“So, uh, I was thinking it’s gotta get lonely and everything, being here all by yourself, and nopony should be alone in their birthday!”
...What?
The pony laughed a little. “Well, maybe not your birthday... It’s April Fool’s day, though, and that’s when most ponies think your birthday is. It would make sense, you know! Buuuut...” she put a hoof to her chin in thought, “You don’t like making sense, so maybe it doesn’t! But if you really don’t like making sense, then you’d make sense, to confuse everyone... buuuuut-”
If Discord had any control of his limbs, he would clamped her mouth shut by this point, or at least told her to be quiet, but no, he had to suffer. Damn it...
Eventually she just shrugged. “Well, even if it’s not your birthday, it’s a holiday dedicated to chaos, and you shouldn’t be alone for that!”
Was it April Fool’s already? He supposed that made sense- he had a little more strength today, what with all the chaotic energy going around. He should have assumed it was April Fool’s. 
Then again, logical thinking wasn’t exactly his forte.
Wait... He shouldn’t  be alone on a holiday dedicated to chaos?
If he had a heart, it might have been touched. But he didn’t- he’d replaced it with a kidney long ago, just to shake things up. But still, that was... nice of her. He never would have said so, of course, even if he could, but a small part of him appreciated it.
A very small part. An unnecessary part- maybe his appendix. 
As he was pondering his kidney-heart, Pinkie Pie was setting up an array of sweets. “I was hoping you could eat these! I dunno how you could though, so maybe you just wanna look at ‘em? Besides, what’s a chaos party without food, right? I mean, this is a party, right? Sure, we’re the only ones there, but that’s still a party! Much better than a party all by yourself! I had that once, and that was no fun at all.... I was really sad, ‘cause I thought my friends all hated me, and I started talking to rocks and stuff. I guess I’m kinda doing that now, though, huh? Oooh, have you ever had a friend? I mean, you have to have, or you’d be really lonely!” her mind was moving at a mile a minute, and even the lord of chaos was having a bit of trouble figuring out where the conversation had went.
“Anyway!” she stopped her chatter and looked up at the statue, curious. “I kinda wanted to ask you something.”
Did you think I’d be able to talk back? he wondered, a bit amused.
She, of course, couldn’t hear his thoughts, so she looked at him. He was surprised to see she looked... well, he didn’t know. Sad? Grateful? What in the wide world of Equestria could she be thinking?
“Why didn’t you keep me gray? Everyone else stayed gray, but you changed me back before any of my friends got to me. They didn’t question it because it was me, and they know I can do some pretty wonder-tastic things, but I remember you changing me back... Why?”
Ah.
He remembered that clearly. It had been silly of him, of course, but he couldn’t help it. 

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

“Hey! Get this cloud away from me!” the gray mare growled, glaring up at the cumulous confection with distaste. 
“Now, Pinkie, why should I do that?” he laughed. “If I recall, you have a particular fondness for sugar- you should be thanking me!”
The pony looked at him, completely furious. “Are you laughing at me?”
“Oh, now, my dear, you wound me! Why would I do that? I’m simply confused as to why you suddenly don’t appreciate my chaotic gift!”
Pinkie sneered. “Why should I? It’s stupid! Who wants cotton candy clouds? It doesn’t make sense, and it’s silly,” she glared at him and spat out, “I hate silly.”
The draconequus looked surprised, swallowing a strange lump in his throat. “You do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“But that’s no fun, Pinkie!” Didn’t she like his chaos? She did before... It had been so nice to see someone appreciate his hard work, and now...
“Good. I don’t like fun. All it leads to is laughter, and I hate that.”
There was an irony that Discord could not deny. In his effort to make everything topsy-turvy and chaotic, he had made it so the only other being in the world that had liked it that way, now... didn’t.
“Well, that was rather stupid of me,” he muttered, half to himself.
The mare nodded, a mean smirk on her face. “Yup, you’re stupid!”
The chimera shook his head. “No,” he then tapped her on the nose, watching as the color slowly made its way down her body. “Now I’m stupid.”
Discord couldn’t help but give her a snaggle-toothed grin as the pink flowed through her form, and her dull gray eyes turned back into a sparkling blue.
He justified it to himself by saying that gray was such a boring color, anyway, and it was always nice to have a spot of pink around.
Then he disappeared, leaving a very confused Pinkie in his wake.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

You were too boring that way. Everyone else was improved. You changing wasn’t an improvement.
But, although he found himself actually wanting to say that, he couldn’t. So she looked at him with big blue eyes, puzzling over why he would have done something like that.
“Well... I wish you could talk back. I bet you do too, huh?” she looked at him sheepishly. “You look really scared... I don’t like your statue this time. It doesn’t suit you. I liked the old one better.”
I don’t particularly like either one, personally, but I suppose the first one encapsulated by beauty better, didn’t it?
“Does it hurt in there? Are you hungry? Here,” she jumped up and placed a cupcake in his screaming maw. “Can you taste that? It’s chocolate with cotton candy frosting, I figured you’d like that!”
Actually, he could kind of taste it. It wasn’t half bad, really. If he could have, he would have smiled.
He listened, shocked to find himself interested as she babbled on about all the pranks she would pull today and the different going ons in her life and even became interested in the lives of the other elements. Purely strategic reasons and all that, know your enemy, but still. Who knew Pinkie was such a delight? 
Well, perhaps not a delight, but infinitely better than the forest animals that had been his only company. At least she didn’t think of him as a personal port-a-potty.
So when she left, he found himself a bit... disappointed.
“Next time, I’ll bring some pictures of the pranks I pull today! You’d like that, right?”
Actually, yes, that might lift his spirits a bit.
Wait... next time?
He found himself smiling.
“See ya later, Dissy! Nice talking to you!”
Nice talking to you, too... Pinkie Pie. 
	
> Rocks and Parasprites
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	It was a few months before Pinkie visited again- in fact, the next time she visited, there was snow on the ground. He had stopped hoping for her to visit long ago... the truth was, she’d probably came to her senses and realized that there was no reason to entertain the god of chaos, and although Discord didn’t really like that, he’d accepted it. 
Another thousand years of sheer boredom to go, he supposed.
So, when he saw the bubblegum coat and cotton candy mane of the Element of Laughter bouncing through the snow up to his statue, he was surprised to say the least.
“Hiya, Discord!” she chirped. “I’m really sorry I couldn’t visit you before, but I’ve been super duper uper busy lately! I’ve had lotsa parties to plan- a wedding reception in Ponyville, since Lyra finally popped the question to Bon-Bon, thank Celestia, I thought she’d never propose- and there was a baby shower and lotsa birthdays and friendship lessons and the twins are getting bigger so I have to help with them and I had to make four dozen new cupcake recipes for the bakery and I just had so much on my plate! And of course today is Hearth’s Warming Eve, and I had to help everypony get ready for that!” she smiled, sitting in front of the statue. Then her smile drooped. “You’re not mad, are you?”
.	.. I’m just surprised you came back at all.
“I know you can’t talk, but I’m gonna assume you’re not too mad. I’m gonna try and visit more, I promise. It’s gotta be so boring in there! I can’t imagine not being able to move or talk!”
Somehow, Discord couldn’t imagine Pinkie silent and still either.
Then her eyes went wide and she frowned up at the statue. “I can’t believe it!”
What?
“They’re just letting you be covered in snow! They’re not even brushing you off! Are you cold?”
	Freezing. He still had enough of his senses to be frigid, just like he’d had enough to faintly taste the cupcake last time. And being covered in snow for months was enough to chill anyone to the bones, even someone made of stone.
The pony couldn’t understand him, but she screwed up her face all the same. “Here,” she muttered, hopping up onto his pedestal and brushing snow and ice off with her tail. “Better?”
Much better. Thank you, my dear.
She bounced off, leaving a pony shaped indentation in the deep snow below her. Discord chuckled from inside his stony prison.
She sat there, gazing up at him, a goofy grin on her face, and he couldn’t help but smile as well.
“I figured you should have some company today. Everypony should be with someone on Hearth’s Warming Eve. I know it’d kinda dedicated to harmony and you hate harmony, but that’s no reason for you to be alone!”
Wrong. Discord, contrary to popular belief, didn’t hate harmony, No, he knew harmony was necessary for the balance of life- how could it not be, when harmony itself was simply controlled chaos? He was barking mad, and proud of it,  but he wasn’t stupid. Harmony was good- natural, even. No, he just didn’t like Celestia's way of achieving harmony- mainly because it didn’t work. Just look at the many problems Ponyville faced on a daily basis! She tried to keep everything in order, when the pony world was naturally chaotic. Magic? Minotaurs? Dragons, controlled weather, zap apples- how were any of those things orderly?
It didn’t make sense, and for once, not making sense wasn’t fun.
But he didn’t- couldn’t- argue, so he just listened as she rambled on about how he should have a bit of company on a day dedicated to the company and acceptance of others- again, gag- and that it wasn’t fair that nopony was currently visiting him, and he had no family to speak of so there was little chance anyone else would visit, when something occurred to  him.
Why wasn’t Pinkie with her family? 
Surely this was a day for family? And although he was grateful for the company, he couldn't help but feel like he was unintentionally stepping in where he shouldn’t be.
Well, that isn’t my fault, I never ASKED her to come.
Still, he felt a bit bad- a strange, foreign feeling to him. He wanted to ask about her family, but he couldn’t of course.
“So since today was Hearth’s Warming Eve, I got to be in the pageant! And I got to play Chancellor Puddinghead- y’know, she’s my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great cousin three times removed on my mother’s side!” she beamed up at him.
Somehow, he wasn’t surprised- for one thing, her connection to the former chancellor was splendidly random, just like her, but he also remembered that pony fairly well, and he’d actually liked the mare quite a bit. She was excitable, energetic, creative, funny, a mess of bright fur and chaotic energy- things she’d seemingly passed onto Pinkie.
Wait... if she was a descendant of Puddinghead... Hadn’t her whole family gone into the rock farming business?
Did that mean Pinkie’s family were a bunch of rock farmers?
Oh, that poor filly. What a boring childhood she must have had!
Come to think of it, he had remembered a rock farm from his last spree, labeled with the Pie name.
He’d turned the rocks into rock candy, then let chocolate rain drizzle on them and dissolve the sugar, ruining the family’s entire crop. Even once his chaos had been put to a stop, the rocks had been worn away and the damage had been done. 
...
Whoops.
He listened, a bit guilty, as she started to discuss the family she wasn’t seeing, explaining that they were trying to make ends meet after their crops had been destroyed, and didn’t really have time for her to visit at the moment, as she was usually more of a hindrance than a help. 
Now Discord felt even worse.
“I don’t really blame you Discord- well, I mean, yeah, I do, it was your fault, but you didn’t mean it!- but the family’s just in another rough patch now, y’know? And I’m no good with rocks, never was, so they just wanna spend it together,” her mane deflated a bit and her bright blue eyes grew dull, “That’s okay, though, I’m sure they’re having a lotta fun without me... They don’t have time for my parties, anyway. They were fun at first but then it was all, ‘Get back to work, Pinkamena! Stop putting up balloons, Pinkamena! No more candy, Pinkamena!’ I- I understand, and I know they love me and they’re trying, but they just don’t like the same kind of Hearth’s Warming that I do... they don’t even have cake...”
Discord was baffled. What kind of celebration doesn’t have cake?
Then the confusion turned to annoyance. And what kind of family doesn’t invite their own daughter to a holiday celebration? Even I know that’s wrong!
She continued to explain though. “But, hey, that’s okay! I mean, we still exchange presents and stuff, and I get a really nice card- they just don’t want me around in case I mess with the crop. Again...”
I’m sure anything you did to “mess with the crop” was an improvement. Rocks are boring anyway.
“My folks are really proud of our work! All the statues here were made out of bona fide Pie rocks and stone. Every single one of ‘em, except you, of course. Part of the Pie legacy, Ma and Pa say!” her voice cracked slightly. “Everyone in the Pie family’s great with rocks!”
Stop it.
“Maude and Inkie and Blinkie, all of them keep the Pie legacy alive! I know Ma and Pa are really proud of ‘em!”
Please stop it.
“They were so relieved when they all got rock-related cutie marks- they were worried, you know, that all of them would be party ponies like me. N-not that they thought anything was wrong with that, they just...”
Pinkie Pie, please. Go back to laughing, I liked that better.
“They didn’t think it was useful. And they were right- on a rock farm, there’s no room for parties, and, well... Without parties, the world would get by. But without rocks- w-without rocks, there’d be no houses, or statues, or anything, and it would be really bad. And they said that, they said, ‘Pinkie, rocks first, Cutie Mark second,’ and it made sense! They were right!” her voice was a strange pitch that wasn’t right, didn’t sound right. 
Discord didn’t like it.
It was strange- usually, Discord would be cackling with glee to see a pony so distressed. He’d be practically feeding off it, like a Changeling would with love. But seeing Pinkie Pie so upset was doing nothing but making him upset, as well. 
It wasn’t natural for her to be sad. It wasn’t right. Her mane should be floofy and her smile should be bright- he hadn’t liked it when he’d made her the opposite, but at least then he’d had the power to change it.
Now he was stuck in stone, and could only listen to her rant and defend her family, despite the fact he’d never said anything against them.
After a few more minutes of hysterics, she seemed to remember why she was there, so she smiled and faced the statue again. The change was so sudden and so disconcerting that Discord couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy.
“Sorry, I got a bit...” she struggled to find the right word. “Gloomy. My family’s actually really great, you know.”
They don’t sound so great.
“Especially Maude, we’re still best friends! But that’s not why I’m here- I’m here to cheer you up, silly filly!” she beamed up at him, and produced a thermos of hot chocolate from seemingly nowhere at all. This, however, seemed completely natural to Discord, so he didn’t question it in the slightest.  “I dunno if you tasted the cupcake last time, but it’s worth a shot, right? And maybe it’ll warm you up a bit!” she poured some of the drink into a mug that, again, seemed to appear from thin air. She babbled as she poured, the one-sided conversation now into less distressing matters, like practical jokes she’d pulled and parties she’d hosted and friendship studies.
Gah, he must really be going soft if friendship sounded interesting.
She placed the hot chocolate into his mouth and, again, he could almost taste it, even through the mug- which, in all honestly, was delicious in itself. Must be the goat in him talking. It warmed him up, which he was grateful for. He had a tiny bit of magic, even whilst trapped, and he’d been using it all to keep himself just a little warm. Now he didn't have to.
“Oh! Remember how last time, I told you I’d bring pictures of my pranks? Well guess what I got!” she waved a few photographs in his face, starting to explain each one. 
“Here’s Rarity’s face when I changed her order to forty pounds of fabric instead of four! It was priceless! Oh, and this is Dashie after I’d convinced Ditzy to help me get a raincloud to follow her around and rain on her all day- and this is Applejack after I painted all the apples to look like leaves- I fixed it before she got too worried, of course, and Twilight was soooo freaked by that fake letter from Celestia! I think the Princess thought it was funny, too! Fluttershy I didn’t prank though, ‘cause she’s so sensitive and look! This is Doctor Whooves when I dressed up like an angel and followed him around all day, except when he looked at me- I dunno why that was so scary to him, but it was funny, and he laughed after I told him it was just me, and then here’s...”
He let her ramble on, enjoying the evidence of her mischief. It really was cheering him up, if he was being honest, and he quite enjoyed the creativity and energy she put into all her pranks. None of them were mean-spirited, of course, and she made sure everyone was laughing with her by the end of the trick, but somehow, he enjoyed this... lawful chaoticness. He was more of a chaotic neutral himself- although most would call him chaotic evil, in which case he would simply tell them to reread their Dungeons and Dragons handbook for the proper definition. (He never did evil for evil’s sake, and he did care about the lives of others- to an extent. He was simply selfish.) Still, she had great potential and he enjoyed hearing about her exploits exponentially.
When she was finished, she smiled up at him, whipping yet another item from thin air. “I made this for you! I mean, Hearth’s Warming Eve is a day for presents, and everyone deserves a present today! So I was thinking- you must be lonely out there all day, no company or warmth or anything, so I made you this!” she held out a rather crooked, yellow, and utterly homemade plush Parasprite. “I heard you invented these little guys, so I thought you might like one to keep you from being too lonely!” The toy looked up at him, a tiny smile on it’s face. The yellow fabric was bright and cheery, and the wings were patched together haphazardly from several different fabrics, of all colors and patterns. The eyes didn’t match in shape or color- close, but not quite the same shade- and the whole toy was rather lumpy.
Discord loved it immediately.
She grinned and placed it on top of his head, in between his horns. “There you go, safe and sound! I call him Bananas, ‘cause he’s yellow. Plus, it’s just so fun to say. Bananas. Baaanaaanaaas. Bananas!” she laughed happily. “I know it’s not great, I’m no seamstress like Rarity, but he’s soft!”
No, he’s perfect.
Her smile faltered a bit when he didn’t respond, but she gave him a cheery wave. “Anyway, I should go- gotta catch the train home. I promise I’ll be back within a week, though! See ya, Dissy!”
She started to trot away, and Discord had to swallow a lump in his throat. Oh, he wished he could say something...
The tiny bit of magic inside of him pulsed, and he grinned. He could be cold for a night- this was much more important.
Using all of his strength, he concentrated on writing a letter- just a short note, he couldn’t do more than a few words without passing out- and sending it outside of his little prison.
The mare stopped in her tracks as a brightly colored piece of paper fluttered to the ground in front of her hooves. She examined it carefully.
Pinkie Pie-
Thank you. Truly.
Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve.
Discord
She looked back at the statue in awe, half expecting to find it cracked and broken, with the lord of chaos cackling maniacally at finally being free, but nothing had changed in the least.
She gave the stone a little smile, and waved again.
“You’re welcome, Dissy. Anytime- that’s what friends are for, right?”
And then she trotted off, leaving Discord, for once, completely befuddled, with nothing to say, and no idea what to think.
Then he looked up at the toy on his head and smiled.
And that night, despite the fact that he had no magic to provide him with heat, Discord swore he had the warmest, most peaceful sleep he’d had in a long while.
> Another Visitor
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Celestia sighed as she made her way to the Canterlot Gardens. There were many things she didn’t like about her job- the paperwork, dealing with snobby aristocrats, political meetings that droned on way too long when the solution was staring everypony in the face...
But nothing compared to this.
Visiting Discord.
And it wasn’t because she hated Discord- no, it was the opposite. Visiting him caused the same sort of pain that looking at the moon used to give her.
It was a reminder she’d failed her family yet again.
Because Discord was family. Not by blood, as Luna was, or by marriage, like many other royals, but he had grown up in the castle, been practically adopted by her parents, and they had spent their childhoods together.
She didn’t know where he’d come from, and he wasn’t really sure either- his species had been all but driven to extinction, after all-  but the royal family had welcomed the tiny draconequus with open arms, and she was determined to do the same.
So she put on a smile and entered his section of the gardens.
“Hello, Discord.”
No answer. This was frustrating beyond belief, as she had given him the power to speak to him and Luna, in the feeble hopes he might try and discuss his redemption with her.
So far, there had been nothing.
She continued to look up at him, taking in his stony form. She really hated to see him like this, hated that she hadn’t seen another choice to keep her subjects safe. It just wasn’t right to see he adopted brother without any life or color, and the expression on his face caused her physical pain.
Wait a minute, she took it back. There was color on him... On his head.
Yes, on his head was some sort of stuffed toy, a bright yellow Parasprite. She cocked her eyebrow in confusion, using her magic to take it down and examine it. It was a funny thing- misshapen and lumpy, not particularly well made, but seemingly made with quite a bit of care... But where had it come from?
Give him back. You should know not to take things that don’t belong to you, Celly.
The alicorn looked at him in shock, very nearly dropping the stuffy into the snow. “Discord?” however, she quickly regained her composure and cleared her throat. “As should you. Where did you get this? Did you steal it?”
Ah, yes, because I’m entirely capable of that in this state. He scowled. No, I didn’t steal that- and frankly, dear, I’m offended by that assumption, you taught me yourself to share. A... It was given to me for Hearth’s Warming Eve by a... a friend... The last word was said almost meekly, and with so much trepidation, that Celestia couldn’t help but feel a bit bad. Was he really so unsure that he could have friends? At least, that’s what she said she was... I’m not so sure.
“Why not?” the white mare looked at up at him again, still holding the Parasprite.
No answer.
“Was it Luna? That was kind of her... I thought her needlework would be better, though.”
No.
Again, Celestia looked at him in surprise. “No?” she looked at the toy again. “You mean it wasn’t Luna?”
There was no answer.
“Discord, I need to know who’s been visiting you.”
Why?
If she was being honest, it was because she was worried the chimera was manipulating somepony to come and visit, or he was gaining some sort of following. That could be quite dangerous, and may even lead to his re-release.
It’s because you don’t trust me.
“No,” she said plainly. “I don’t. Should I?”
No. But you have no reason not to trust her.
So it was a mare. Well, that didn’t narrow things out very much- more than 60% of Equestria’s population was female...
“I have every reason not to trust her if she’s been helping you.”
I didn’t know keeping me company and giving me hot chocolate was treason. Good to know.
“Is that truly all she’s done?”
Well, she told me about the pranks she’s been doing lately, discussed her family and gave me Bananas there, but I don’t see much harm in that, either. Unless I’m undeserving of simple conversation?
She sighed. “No, and you know that’s not true. I try to  talk to you all the time.”
Yes, and that’s such a joy for  both of us.
She very nearly groaned. “Discord, your section of the gardens is protected by strong spells to keep anypony visiting the garden from stumbling upon you by accident. Whoever is visiting you must be very powerful.”
She is.
“Chaotic?”
Very. 
“So she’d been giving you energy, hasn’t she?”
Again, there was no answer.
“Brother...”
Don’t call me that. You aren’t my sister. You trapped me in stone and made my actions seem purely evil-
“I had no choice! After your rule, ponies were full of doubt- they needed some sort of solid truth, a view of the world in black and white, as opposed to what you gave them!”
You could have revised the story later, to seem more truthful.
“And had my subjects doubt me? Had their leader seem like a liar? The public eye is always on me, if they couldn’t trust me-”
You could have done something. For both Luna and me. We were not simple villains.
	“I know.” She took a deep breath, but continued to stare at him. “But I’m not leaving until you tell me who this mare is.”
She isn’t giving me energy on purpose. She’s only given me enough to express my gratitude for her visits. That’s all.
“Express your gratitude? How?” she looked alarmed, and Discord had to laugh at the look on her face. Seeing Celly so scared was more than a bit amusing, and he was tempted to say something ridiculous to make her even more nervous.... but that could get Pinkie in trouble- or worse, get him in trouble, so he decided against it.
I wrote her a note saying thank you. Only a few words- any more and I would have passed out from exhaustion. Is that alright, Princess?
	She rolled her eyes at his melodramatics, but nodded. “That seems fine, as long as you didn’t do anything else.”
How could I?
A scowl graced her muzzle, and Discord had to grin. Ah, it was so much fun annoying her! It reminded him of the old days when they were foals- he and Lulu used to drive Celly up the wall. (It was too easy, after all, she was always so stiff.)
Now Lulu was just as boring as her sister.
“Discord, I need to know who has been visiting,” she said, yet again. 
No.
“Why not?”
You’ll try to stop her from visiting. You’ll convince her I’ve been making her come with my powers or something. I know the way your boring little mind works, Celestia, that’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it? Besides, she’ll likely get in trouble for breaking a magical seal. Although knowing her, she probably walked through it without even knowing it was there.
“And you care enough about her to protect her from punishment?”
That caused the draconequus to pause. She’s tolerable, I suppose.
“Oh, really?”
Yes. I find her antics entertaining. She’s refreshing, that’s all.
“Hmmm. I don’t recall you protecting any other ponies you found only ‘tolerable.’ You found Luna and I more than tolerable as foals, and you tortured us more than anypony else.”
Mere pranks, he said dismissively, waving his paw.
“Still, you never protected us.”
I thought of you as siblings. Aren’t they supposed to torture each other? Or do I lack an understanding of family AND friendship? Oh, however will I live without this crucial knowledge?
Her magenta eyes flashed. “The point is, you are acting selflessly, and I’ve never seen that from you before. Not since we were kids.”
I was a kid. You were a filly. Or do you have some goat blood in you I’m not aware of? That would explain your appalling face... And your beard.
“Stop trying to change the subject! I’m getting impatient.”
Oh, whatever shall I do?
She glared at him. “Fine. If you don’t tell me, I suppose I’ll have to post a guard by your statue at all times to find out who it is...” she smiled and started to walk away, Bananas still in her grasp.
You wouldn’t dare.
“I would, and I will.”
He cursed under his breath. Promise me you won’t make her stop visiting? And you won’t be angry at her? I doubt you could be, honestly, you’re so fond of her already...
Well, now she was certainly curious- more curious than she had been, at least. “I promise.”
Pinkie Promise.
The princess chuckled at her older brother’s stubbornness, and nodded. “Oh, alright. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Discord was impressed when she even produced a cupcake to accentuate the promise.
Sometimes Celly could be a bit fun, at least.
“How did you learn about a Pinkie Promise, anyway?”
He chuckled. She taught me last time she was here.
The draconequus cackled at the expression on her face.
“You mean...?”
I told you she was entertaining. 
“You have an Element of Harmony visiting you?” She'd obviously had somepony else in mind, although Discord couldn't imagine who. 
I never thought an Element could be such a good companion. I have always been partial to Laughter, though, so perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised.
“I- I can’t allow you to do that.”
You Pinkie Promised.
“I’m sorry, Discord, I didn’t know the extent of the situation-”
Do you really want to face her wrath when she learns you broke one of her patented Pinkie Promises? She will kill you. Honestly, I wouldn’t even wish her anger on you.
“I’m willing to take that risk.”
And suddenly, Discord’s already tiny world seemed to be getting a bit smaller.
Celestia... please.
Celestia took a shuddering breath. “Discord, I am honestly sorry. Anypony else, it would be different... but you corrupted the Elements before, twisted and manipulated them. For the sake of Equestria, I can’t risk allowing that to happen again.”
I wouldn’t do that to Pinkie-
“I have no evidence of that, Discord, I jus-”
I changed her back.
The alicorn paused, looking at the statue in shock. “You... what?”
I didn’t like seeing her gray. It wasn’t funny. The others were funny to watch.
She looked at him a bit longer, still not sure what to say.
I told you- I like Laughter. I liked having someone around willing to give it to me. I still do.
“I- I have no way of knowing that’s true...”
Ask her. She’ll tell you. How did Twilight say she’d changed all of them back? What did she say about Pinkie?
Celestia blinked. Twilight had given a lengthy description of exactly how all of her friends had been changed back- long monologues, and lessons about true friendship in each, as her friends had nodded and affirmed, telling their own sides of the story. But for Pinkie, all she had said was, “And Pinkie was just her usual self when we got there, guzzling down a cotton candy cloud! I guess she was just doing what Pinkie Pie does!”
“No use in questionin’ it, we’ve all learned that by now,” Applejack had shrugged, looking at the pink mare with an amused fondness.
The mare in question had simply nodded, a weird look on her face. “I just didn’t like being gray anymore.”
And that had been that- Celestia hadn’t questioned further, and neither had any of the Elements, as they’d all known Pinkie to do some truly bizarre things.
Perhaps they should have.
“If- and I mean if- I allow Pinkie to continue visiting, I will have to have a long talk with her,-”
Don’t bore her too much, dear, you know how dull you can get.
“And I need you to promise me you won’t do anything to harm her, or change her.”
I wouldn’t dream of it.
For once, there was no sarcasm dripping from the spirit’s voice... he seemed genuinely sincere.
The goddess sighed, looking at her hooves, deep in thought. “I suppose, then... I can’t think of any good reason to prevent her from visiting.”
... Really?
“In all honestly, it could be good for you to make a friend, especially one I trust so completely.”
A friend? No, she’s simply a fun way to pass the time.
“Whatever you say,” she shrugged. The gears and cogs in her head were already turning. A friendship might be exactly what Discord needed to turn him around. Perhaps redemption was possible for yet another member of her family.
“Goodbye, Discord. Have a nice night.”
Good night. Oh, and Tia?
She smiled back at him. “Yes?”
... May I have Bananas back?
She looked a bit surprised, but she chuckled. “Of course. Here you go.” The Parasprite floated back to its perch on top of his head.
He looked at the plush fondly, smiling softly.
Good night.
> Screwballs and Special Someponies
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Hiya, Dissy!” 
Discord beamed from inside his statue. And hello to you, Pinkie Pie. He looked up at the sun- she was a bit late, and he had been getting worried. In any other case, he wouldn’t mind lateness- orderliness was dull, after all- but Pinkie had been coming every Sunday at noon like clockwork, and he actually found a bit of comfort in the routine. He always knew precisely when she’d be there, and it was nice to have something to look forward to that was set in stone.
Hah, set in stone. Pinkie would love that one.
This was visit number... thirteen, if he remembered correctly. That was a good sign, in all honesty, thirteen was always a fun number. This visit should be good.
“So I was talking to the Princess again...”
Or not.
“And I was asking whether or not she’d let me talk to you, too, since she can!”
The chimera’s ears perked up at that. Alright, maybe this would be good.
“She said no, though, Dis... Thought you’d try and manipulate me again if you could talk to me.”
Well, she’s wrong.
“I told her I didn’t think so-”
Good, you shouldn’t. I wouldn’t do that.
“But she still said no. Too much at risk. Sorry.”
Why in Equestria are you sorry? You did the best you could, I’m sure.
She smiled sadly up at him. “It’s not really fair that we can’t have a real conversation, but I guess I understand.”
	Well, I don’t. Although Pinkie couldn’t really see it, Discord was practically pouting.
“Aaaaanyway,” she segued suddenly, apparently not liking the conversation she’d started. “The twins are getting so much bigger! Oh, you should see ‘em, Dissy, I think you’d like them! Real trouble makers- Pumpkin’s levitation’s getting so good, and yesterday she changed her diaper into a frog on mistake! And then Pound tried to eat it! Speaking of troublemakers, the Cutie Mark Crusaders bumped into me the other day- they were trying to figure out how to buy a speedboat! I told ‘em how, of course, but, uh, apparently  that’s not what you do when three fillies wanna buy something that could be dangerous... Who knew? So I got chewed out by Rarity and Applejack, but Dashie was all for teaching Scoots how to use one-”
Discord smiled and leaned back. He let the barrage of words wash over him, listening and keeping up to the best of his ability. Every so often he’d make a sarcastic remark or ask a question- not that she could hear him or answer, of course, but it was nice to feel like he was contributing to the conversation. Then something made him pause.
“Yesterday was Hearts and Hooves day, too- I was really hoping that Pokey Pierce would ask me to be his very special somepony, but he likes Colgate instead. Which is okay, of course, and they make a really cute couple! They really, really like each other, and it’s sweet to watch them... I guess I was just kinda hoping for something else...”
He wasn’t sure why this made him pause, but something in his stomach burned a little at that. He didn’t know who the stallion was, of course, but he couldn’t help the rush of annoyance at him.
Well, this Pokey Pierce doesn’t sound very smart. What kind of self-respecting stallion would prefer a glob of toothpaste over you?
“But that’s okay! They’re both really super happy, so that’s what matters in the end, right?”
... It’s alright to be a little selfish sometimes, you know. The world won’t end.
He didn’t really know what he was saying at this point, or why he cared, but something in him did care, and that was enough for him.
“Hearts and Hooves day was fun anyway! There was a huge party at Sugarcube Corner, and everypony was there! There were so many ponies, it was crazy! There was even this group of three ponies all dating, and they were really cute- one of the stallions was training to be a doctor, and the other was bald and really, really unlucky, but super funny! He was really cool about everything that happened to him- and their marefriend was super duper nice, and really smart, and super pretty, too, way out of their league, and they seemed to know it. I liked her a lot. The doctor was named Jolly Hoof, and-”
He listened absentmindedly as she chattered on about Hearts and Hooves day, admittedly not paying much attention. It wasn’t that he was uninterested, it was just that he was trying to figure out why he had cared so much about her comment about Pokey Pierce. 
Was it possible he was jealous?
No, of course not. He shook his head and scoffed. He didn’t even really consider her a friend, just a nice way to waste some time, so why would he be jealous at the idea of getting a special somepony?
Waste of time...
Oh, that must be it! If she started dating somepony, more of her already busy schedule would be sucked up by whatever mare or stallion she decided to pursue. She might not have the time to visit him anymore, and his Sundays would be made a lot more dull.
He settled back into listen to her story, happy he had reached a conclusion. It didn’t quite sit right with him, but it was a logical conclusion after all, and since when did logic satisfy him?
A part of him nagged that there was more to his feelings than that, but he shooed it away. Honestly, what else could be the problem?
“...So then the punchbowl was dancing around, and Twilight was so annoyed that she’d lost control of the spell! The CMC were trying their best to help, but they just spilled the punch everywhere! Then Doctor Whooves and Ditzy tried to work together to get it all under control- they actually make a really good team, you know, it’s sweet, and-”
Well, he’d obviously missed something in the conversation.
Ah, well, he didn’t mind. It was fun to make up a story for what she said was happening anyway.
Right now his story involved shape-shifting aliens and demonic pepper shakers.
“...And then- kablooie!- there was pudding everywhere! I don’t know why there was pudding in the balloons in the first place, but it was so much fun- the twins were just lapping it all up, and Gummy was practically swimming in it. It was absolutely delicious!”
The pony grinned,  finishing up her story happily. Then she looked up at him curiously.
“So speaking of Hearts and Hooves day, I was wondering. Have you ever had a special somepony?”
Despite the fact that he wasn’t eating or drinking anything, Discord found himself choking in surprise.
“I mean, I bet you have- you’re more than a thousand years old, after all! Or not, that’s okay too. Not everypony’s interested in that sorta thing- and that’s okay! I know it’s a weird question, but there’s this pony who hangs around the gardens, and she’s always looking for you. Celestia says I can’t show her where you are, but she keeps asking me. She says she’s your daughter, which really doesn’t make much sense, but then again YOU don’t make sense, so maybe it’s possible. And I guess you wouldn’t need another pony to make a daughter, being.. you, but maybe you did!”
My... daughter?
Pinkie was right, that really didn’t make any sense... unless...
Screwball?
No, that didn’t make sense, all evidence of his last reign of chaos has been poofed away by the power of friendship. That would include his little chaos incarnate, right?
“I dunno where she lives or anything, she always seems to be here when I am. I’m not actually supposed to tell you about it... I dunno, I think she makes the Princess nervous,” she trailed off, a bit guilty. “But I don’t think that’s fair... I mean, I’d wanna know if my kid was looking for me!”
Discord could barely contain his glee. The filly had survived! Oh, this just made his day- he was quite fond of his little abomination, after all. He was a bit disappointed she couldn’t find him the way Pinkie could- she was pure chaos energy, she really should be able to- but he was thrilled nonetheless.
“She looks well fed and all, so that’s good! She says she’s got a place to sleep though, so...” she trailed off, still not totally sure what to say. “I’m still a little worried- I mean, she’s still kinda like a kid, even if she has a cutie mark, but she says she’s okay, so I trust her!”
The fact that his... well, honestly, spawn was probably the word most would use... had interacted with Pinkie made him grin. He wasn’t sure why, but he rather liked the fact that they seemed to get along, at least slightly.
Maybe it was just the potential for chaos between his daughter and his...
His what?
Companion, he supposed, was the right word.
He would NOT say friend.
Too... gooey and sentimental.
And while Pinkie might be all for that, he was the God of Chaos, the Lord of Disharmony, the Clown Prince of Crime!
... Okay, maybe not the last one, he might have stolen that title from somepony else in Trotham City, but the point still stood.
He didn’t need “friends.”
“But I gotta wonder... why’d you make yourself a daughter? You don’t even like the idea of friendship, right? And family’s kinda like friendship, but a bajillion times more stressful!”
Everypony needs company. Even me. So what if he wanted a child? Wasn’t it a natural evolutionary trait to want to reproduce?
... And besides, he was good with children. They were fun.
She looked at him, as if expecting him to suddenly explain, then she smiled.
“Well, I think it’s sweet either way! The big bad lord of chaos wanting a little family.”
... Sweet?
No, no, this wouldn’t do. He was evil incarnate, he was fear, he was terror, he was the closest thing ponykind had to Satan himself.
He wasn’t sweet. 
“I think she knows I’m visiting you, ‘cause she gave me this!” she pulled out a sloppily made paper heart, with bright colors splashed all over it. It was almost painful to look at. Once Pinkie gave him a closer look, he could see it was a Hearts and Hooves day card, with almost indecipherable hoofwriting. After nearly ten minutes of staring, he had pieced it together- it was a short note, really, consisting of a wish for a happy Hearts and Hooves day, and love from his daughter. 
He beamed. That little freak really had a way of getting to his heart. (Well... kidney, technically.)
... On second thought, maybe two little freaks had ways of getting to him. Pinkie had pulled out another hoofmade heart- this one definitely nicer than the last. “I dunno if you’ve ever gotten a Hearts and Hooves day card- well, I mean, you just got one from your daughter, but other than that- so I thought you might like it!”
A rush of affection coursed through him as she placed the card on his pedestal. It was different than the affection he felt for Screwball, and different  than the affection he used to feel for Celestia and Luna, but he couldn’t really place how or why it was different.
Well, screw it, it didn’t matter anyway.
It was getting warmer, so he really wouldn’t need his magic tonight- plus, Bananas was there, and as silly as it sounded, he was utterly convinced that the little plush gave him at least a bit of warmth, so he supposed he could try and poof up a note. He hadn’t done it since Hearth’s Warming Eve, but it was worth a shot.
This one would be a bit longer, he decided.
Pinkie,
Thank you again. 
Yes, that pony is my daughter. I made her the last time I was free.
She can provide for herself, as she’s purely chaos magic, but be a dear and make sure she’s safe anyway?
Oh, and tell her I’m safe, I’m sure she’ll want to hear that.
Her name is Screwball.
Happy Hearts and Hooves day, I suppose.
Discord
(P.S. Pokey Pierce sounds like an idiot, anyway.)
He concentrated as hard as he could, recieving a bit of a headache from the strain, but beamed when he saw a bright pink note float down from... somewhere.
The mare smiled and hopped up, catching it in her mouth and looking up at the statue happily. She quickly scanned over the note and saluted Discord. “Can do! Oh, she can stay with me and the Cakes- I’m sure they won’t mind too much, especially if she can bake and help out. Plus she’d basically a filly, they’d never kick a filly out. Can she bake? Well, I can teach her how to bake if she can’t, I guess.” They had gotten a bit off topic, but Discord didn’t mind.
She reread the last line of the note again. “Hey now, Pokey’s not an idiot just because he doesn’t like me!” 
Fine. Last time I try to say something nice...
“That wasn’t very nice... But I know you were trying to be nice, so thanks.” She gave the spirit a small hug, even though she doubted he could feel it.
He could, and a strange warmth filled not only where she had hugged him, but his entire body. He didn’t understand it, but he quite liked it.
Besides, what fun was there in things he actually understood?
... Any time.
He found himself surprised to actually mean it. 
She smiled up at him, the letter still in one hoof.
“I guess I should go find Screwball, huh? She could be anywhere in here!”
He smiled. Knowing her, she was probably in the most confusing, twisted part of the gardens she could find. It probably felt the most like home to her.
“Well then, I guess I’ll be off. I’ll see you later, Dissy! I promise I’ll be back soon! I Pinkie Promise!” she did her little spiel, and Discord chuckled. “And I’ll bring Screwball with too, if I can! See ya!” and with another grin, she started to trot off.
Goodbye Pinkie Pie. I’ll see you soon.
> And Screwball Makes Three
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	To the spirit's great surprise, Pinkie was back within nine days this time. He had started to panic, in all honesty, but to his delight, not only did Pinkie come back, but a smaller mare was hopping behind her, beaming.
“Daddy!”
Hello there, my little monster!
Pinkie Pie bounced over to the statue, watching as the foal giggled and jumped onto the statue’s pedestal. “I convinced the Princess to let her visit! Sorry it took so long.  She can’t visit by herself like I can, but I figured this was better than nothing, right?”
Screwball nodded happily and climbed up on her father, so she was between his horns, snuggled next to Bananas. “I’m living in a bakery now, Daddy- it smells like candy all the time, it’s great! Pinkie’s been taking care of me, back in Ponyville. Nopony there knows you’re my daddy, ‘cause Auntie Lulu says that would cause ‘widespread panic’ or something. She’s nice, and she says I can call her Auntie! Celestia says I can call her it too, but she doesn’t like it as much.”
Good old Lulu. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised about Celestia, but one out of two ain’t bad! 
Screwball, however, was still talking, “Let’s see, what else... Oh, I started going to school! I’m kinda big for the class, but there are these three fillies I talk to. They let you out last time, remember? I thanked ‘em for it, but they didn’t smile or anything, they looked like they felt bad, which I don’t get. They’re really nice, though, and lotsa fun! You’d like ‘em- they get in a lot of trouble! Like me! I got in trouble yesterday, Daddy, ‘cause they were teaching us all about the history of Equestria and they got it all wrong! They said you had done some really evil things and I know you didn’t, you were just making the world better, so I was trying to set them straight, but the teacher got annoyed with me, and these two mean girls were laughing, and...”
She trailed off and  frowned, looking at Pinkie. “Why isn’t Daddy talking back?”
Pinkie sighed. “He can’t, he can only talk to the Princesses... maybe he’ll write you a note before we leave, though, he’s done that before!”
The filly’s face screwed up. “But I’m a princess! If Daddy’s the king of chaos, aren’t I the princess?”
Of course you are.
Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. “Well, I’d think so, but I don’t think it was for all princesses, just Luna and Celestia.”
“That’s dumb.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Pinkie nodded. “Yeah- I mean, everyone should get to talk! I can’t imagine not talking!”
“And Daddy loves to talk! It’s gotta be really hard for him!” then Screwball giggled. “Sometimes he talks too much! Just goes on and on...”
“Oooh, I do that too! When I used to do that on the rock farm, Pa would give me peanut butter to glue my mouth shut! It was really tasty, though, so sometimes I used to talk a lot just so I could get some!”
“Daddy did that to me, too, ‘cept he used taffy!”
“Taffy!? No fair, that’s waaaaay better! Especially since Pa never realized that peanut butter’s like ten zillion times better with chocolate! He never even put in a single chip!”
Screwball’s eyes went wide and she shuddered, taking her beanie off as a sign of respect for all the spoonfuls of peanut butter who never found their chocolate soulmates. “A true travesty.”
Pinkie nodded solemnly, shedding a tear. “Finally, somepony who understands.”
Discord watched his daughter and the other pink mare bounce off each other, discussions ranging from candy to parties to school- he was finding simple school lessons interesting, Celestia help him...
Midway through the conversation, though, he started to feel a bit left out.
Hello? Weren’t you here to talk to me?
“... and everypony was screaming, and I didn’t get it at all!”
“Yeah, ponies are silly,” Pinkie snorted. 
“But not in a good way,” Screwball pouted. 
“Aw, well, I dunno about that! Ponies can be real fun when they wanna be! Like one time...”
Really, now. It was nice to see them getting along, but it was unfair of them not to even attempt to involve him in conversation.
So distracted was he in childish self-pity, that he almost missed his daughter’s next comment.
The key word was almost.
“I guess you’re right, Mommy!”
...
What. Discord’s “heart” nearly stopped and he looked at his spawn in something akin to horror.
To Pinkie Pie’s credit, she seemed more than just a bit off-put by this comment. “What?”
“What?” Screwball smiled, looking at her in interest.
“I- I’m not your mommy, you silly filly!” 
Screwball cocked her head to the side. “You’re not?”
“No, of course not!” Pinkie said, still a bit confused, but cheerful as ever.
“But...” Discord could physically see the gears on his little girl’s head turning. “But you’re taking care of me!”
“Yeah, but-”
“And we both have pink coats!”
“I guess we do, but-”
“And your mane’s all curly like mine! I look even more like you then I look like Daddy!” she nodded, the logic solid in her mind.
Pinkie giggled. “You do, don’t you?”
Actually, now that he thought about it, his little terror did have quite a resemblance to Pinkie. 
Strange. Although, he supposed, it makes sense that the ponyification of chaos is a mix between me and Pinkie. Who else could it be?
“But we’ve only known each other for a little more’n a week! A little soon to be calling me mommy, isn’t it?” she looked a bit nervous, but giggled all the same.
“But I only knew Daddy for two days! Or twenty three and a half- if you count how many times Daddy witched the moon and sun out. But if I called him Daddy after that long, why can’t I call you Mommy?”
Yes, but... but that was different! Pinkie, tell her it was different!
“Hmmm....” Pinkie put a hoof to her chin in contemplation- something she seemed to do quite a bit, now that he thought about it. Then she brightened. “I guess that makes sense!”
Celestia and Luna damn you, Pinkie Pie.
The propeller on Screwy’s hat buzzed, and she started to hover with excitement. “Really?!”
“Well, yeah! I mean, I’m not really your mommy, but...” she shrugged. “I’m super responsible! If I can take care of a pair of babies, I can take care of a filly!”
Pinkamena Diane Pie, what are you DOING?
“Yay!” Screwball hoof-pumped. “Did you hear that. Daddy?!”
... Yes, I heard. Had the two mares been able to hear him, they would have discovered that his response was hoarse and cracked, and more than a little confused. 
“I mean, you already live in the bakery, so it shouldn’t be too hard to set everything up!”
Did- did I just witness an adoption?
“Oh, y’wanna change your last name to Pie? I’ll bet you could do that!”
Do I get a say in this?
“Yeah! Screwball Pie!” she giggled. “That sounds funny!”
Do I have to pay child support now?
“I like it though!” Pinkie giggled. “Oooh, I always wanted a foal! It seemed like so much fun. A lotta hard work, too, but I think I’m up to it.” she nodded, completely assured with herself.
Okay, Discord couldn’t handle this anymore. He started writing- mad, feverish scribbles. What was he saying? Oh, he didn’t know, and he didn’t care. Finally, he scratched out sentences that didn’t make sense, even to him, more unsavory words, paragraphs in long-dead languages and indecipherable codes, and a few doodles he didn’t even remember drawing.
All that remained was a simple- ARE. YOU. INSANE???
Screwball and Pinkie scanned the note, looked at each other, and both nodded.
“Yep!” Pinkie laughed.
Screwball nodded, grinning. “Ain’cha proud?”
In any case, he would be. Extremely proud- of both of them, actually. Any form of chaos, even a spur of the moment adoption, would normally fill him with happiness and amusement.
But this? Well... not so much. 
Genuine concern filled him for both ponies. If anypony could take care of Screwball, it was Pinkie Pie, but...
He was pretty sure that not even Pinkie could deal with Screwball. 
She was basically a toned down version of him, after all.
“Oh! I dunno if you can have your own room, there’s not a lotta extra room in the bakery, but we can split my room in half! You can decorate it however you want!”
“Can I have a hot-chocolate waterbed hammock and marshmallow pillows?”
Pinkie’s eyes widened.
Here it comes. He hoped Screwball would take her ideas being rejected well. From experience, he guessed that would happen quite a lot.
“Of course! I mean, only if I can have one too! Oooh, and what about lickable wallpaper!?”
Discord raised a brow. Well, what d’you know?
“And a disco ball lamp!”
“And trampoline floorboards!”
“And doorknobs made of Snozzberries!” they said together, before collapsing into a fit of giggles.
Discord smiled a bit, surprised. Although, he supposed he really shouldn’t be too shocked. Pinkie had a sweet tooth after all, and enough of a sense of fun that perhaps Screwball wouldn’t be too much of a handful.
Er, hoof-full.
The filly grinned, looking at the sky. “Look, the moon’s coming up!”
“Oh my gosh, already?” the pony looked at the moon, eyes wide. “We gotta go! I gotta get up early to start a batch of cupcakes, and you have school tomorrow! If I’m gonna take care of you, I better start off on the right hoof!”
The littler pony laughed, her eyes swirling. “I guess you’re right!” she looked back at her dad. “Bye, Daddy! We’ll be back soon!” She hopped off of her dad’s head, landing on Pinkie with a loud thump!
Pinkie wobbled back to her feet, beaming. “Yeah, see you Dissy!” She started to bounce away, no slower than usual despite the weight on her back. She was almost out of sight and earshot when suddenly-
“Maybe when Daddy’s free, you two can get married!”
Pinkie stopped mid-bounce, hanging in midair for a few seconds, before falling comically. She looked back at Discord, as if he had something to do with it.
Inside his statue, he was just as confused and flustered as she was, and gave her a little shrug and said, What? She’s your kid now, too, apparently.
Although she couldn’t hear him, she continued to stare at him, and he glared right back.
This is your fault, Pinkie. I blame your influence entirely. 
She looked at him a bit longer, an expression on her face he couldn't decipher, then shrugged, a smile right back on her face. “Well, I dunno, Screwy! I guess we’d have to ask your daddy about that one!” and trotted off, not looking back once.
Once Discord had picked his jaw up off the floor, he blinked once. Twice. Then he curled up in his endless subconscious, puzzling over the strange, gooey feeling in his chest. 
He had finally done it.
He had finally found the one pony in all of Equestria who made even less sense than he did.
And he had absolutely no idea how to feel about it.
> The Best Pies in Ponyville
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Five visits later, and it was still beyond strange to hear his daughter call an Element of Harmony “Mommy.”
Or “Mom.”
Or “Mama.”
Or “Maman” or “Mutti,” although why Screwball had decided to talk like she was from Prance and Germaneigh Discord wasn’t sure.
No matter what language it was, it was strange to hear. And, according to Pinkie, it was strange for Ponyville to hear, as well. Rumors had started flying over the foal- was she biologically Pinkie’s? Where did she come from? Who was the father? Nopony asked any of these things to her face, apparently, but it didn’t mean the two mares were unaware of the rumors.
Discord couldn’t help but feel a bit awkward at that, but it just made him all the more grateful that Pinkie was looking after his precious little hellspawn. Knowing it was hard for her made it all the more kind of her to do, and he had poofed a note each time expressing his gratitude- only stopping once Screwball said he was getting sappy, because he did not want to get sappy.
Unless the sap was tree sap.
All good adventures ended with one being covered in tree sap. 
But this wasn’t tree sap, this was emotional sap, which he found to be much harder to scrub out.
Today, though, everyone was pretty clean, and Screwball was holding out a report card, face bright.
“All C’s!” she squealed. This was actually horrifying for the draconequus, because C’s were... average.
Average... What had Pinkie done to his little cretin?
Screwball was already explaining, though, that most ponies got A’s or F’s in Cheerilee’s class- A’s for those who actually tried, and F’s for those who didn’t. A C, however, was exceedingly rare.
Discord swelled with pride at that.
“Oh, and an A in art, and an F in history!” she giggled. She showed him the grade, which included a note to Pinkie to perhaps start teaching her history that was actually in the book, and with a less, and he quoted, “slant towards supporting the greatest dictator in Equestrian history.”
Greatest? he cackled. Well, I’m not sure about that! I’m sure old Sombrero would have a few objections, but I’m truly flattered.
“Cheerilee doesn’t like when I talk about you...” Screwball’s ears drooped and she sighed, before perking up again. “But Mommy doesn’t mind, do you Mommy?”
“Nope! Why would I?”
But this did bring up a good question- why wasn’t Pinkie trying to teach a more... "Celestia friendly" version of history?
Before Screwball could go on to explain her mediocrity in math, Pinkie interrupted her. “Screwy’s told me some really funny stories! Is it true that it took Celestia twenty seven times to raise the sun, but it only took Luna two to raise the moon?”
“Yeah!” Screwball laughed. “And- and Auntie Tia almost tossed us into the sun on the first try!” All three of them were cackling with laughter then. Oh, he’d nearly forgotten telling Screwball that one, and it was a classic!
“Well, why would I want you to stop telling stories like that?” Pinkie snorted, still rolling around on the ground. “They’re hilarious!”
And a bit blasphemous, but that’s half the fun!
The poofy-haired pony was wiping tears from her eyes, getting back to her feet. “You know, you should tell your dad about the CMC!”
The filly’s purple eyes swirled even brighter, and she beamed. “Yeah! I’ve been hanging out with these three fillies! Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo! They all really wanna get their cutie marks, and I joined their group! 'Cause I got my cutie mark, but you made me with it, so I dunno what it means! So I thought maybe I could figure it out! They thought it was really cool that I was born with one, and they keep asking me why, but I keep telling ‘em I dunno. ‘Cause I don’t! But that makes it more fun!  So they’re trying everything to help me. Like yesterday we tried carnival games, ‘cause of the ball in my cutie mark- they thought maybe I was really good at that milk bottle game. I wasn’t though, so we tried a bunch’ve other stuff- not all of it had to do with my mark, but it was still lotsa fun! We went bungee jumping and surfing and lion taming and we destroyed seven gardens and nearly burned down Rarity’s house!”
“Not on purpose!” Pinkie cut in, looking at her almost sternly. Or as stern as the Element of Laughter could be, at least.
“Well, not really on purpose, but it was still a lotta fun!”
Discord was practically glowing with pride. His little menace, growing up to wreak havoc on innocent Ponyville civilians with the help of three energetic allies...
Oh, he was a proud Papa indeed!
Screwball hovered up to her usual perch, in between her dad’s horns. 
“Oh, and guess what?”
What?
“Hey, I said guess!”
Discord raised a bushy brow from inside his jail. I am. Not my fault if you can’t tell.
“Mooooom!”
“What, silly?”
“You aren’t guessing!”
The god snorted, as did Pinkie. “But I already know what you’re going to say!”
She stuck her tongue out. “You still gotta guess!”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Okay, what?”
“I had a project to do and we were supposed to trace our family tree but Cheerilee took me and Scoots and Pip aside and said that it was okay for us to just write a story instead, sooooo,” she giggled, barely able to contain her excitement, “I just said that I was chaos incarnate and you were my dad and Luna and Celestia were my Aunties and Pinkie Pie had adopted me after finding me in a garden and how I used to live in a cave and I was made out of grape soda and cotton candy and- and....” she snorted even more. “I got an A for creativity! Said I should go into writing, I was so good at makin’ up stories!” She was laughing like this was the funniest thing she had ever heard, and Discord found himself chortling too.
Oh, that was too good! And the best part was none of it was a lie, even the story itself! Pinkie was giggling as well.
“She- she was talking to me at the bakery over coffee about putting Screwy in a creative writing course! I could barely keep a straight face!” she smiled. “I read the story, though, and she has a great vocabulary. Must’ve gotten it from her daddy! But her overuse of adjectives really was pretty superfluous!” she grinned as both Screwball and her father looked at her in disbelief. “What? My sister Inkie’s a writer! Sure, it’s a journal about rocks and minerals, but she still taught me about grammatical structure and stuff! And Maud does poetry, so I learned from her, too!”
Discord thought about it for a second or two, then shrugged. Pinkie was already full of surprises, what was one more to add to the list?
Screwball’s reaction was quite a bit different. “Why does your sister write about rocks?! Rocks are really, really boring! No offense, daddy,” she patted her father on the head, giving him a small smile. “You’re the exception. But still... rocks?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. There’s gems and minerals, and stuff, and identification, but it’s not my cup of hot cocoa. It’s really hard work, though!  I mean, other than the basics, all I really know about rocks is how to tell a stalagmite from a stalactite, and I lived on a rock farm ‘till I was your age!”
Screwball cocked her head in interest. “What’s the difference?”
“Stalagmite has a ‘m’ in it!”
The filly nodded, that weak explanation more than enough for her. “True, true.”
Then Pinkie lit up, beaming up at Screwball. “Hey, you should tell him about the play!”
“Oh yeah!” the bubbly filly perked up even more. “We’re puttin’ on a play, Daddy! Sweeney Trot: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street!”
Well, that’s exceedingly dark subject matter for Cheerilee to choose for fillies and colts. Perhaps she’s not as sickeningly sweet and dull as she seems. Actually, now that he thought about it, many of the ponies were less horrifically boring and saccharine than he’d believed them to be.
Strange.
“And I got the lead!” she was bouncing excitedly. “Miss Cheerilee said I’d be perfect for Nellie Lovett! I get turn my classmates into meat pies- I can grind ‘em and stuff ‘em in and watch as they scream in the barber’s chair!” she laughed maniacally, and Discord was certain that if he had gifted the child with claws, they would be clenched, as if the ponies she talked about were in her clutches. “Especially since I get to kill Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara!”
The filly’s face was so twisted, and so disturbed, that if Discord had been anyone but her father, he would have been, admittedly, a bit frightened. 
“Plus I get to sing!” Screwball chirped, face turning back into the innocent, if not slightly crazed expression she normally wore.
Pinkie Pie blinked, looked up at her nervously, gave a rather freaked out look to the draconequus, (and this was Pinkie Pie, mind you, who took pride in being nearly unfazable,) and said, “I- I think I’m gonna keep you away from the customers for a while.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“Well, for one thing, singing ‘A Little Priest’ with Featherweight around the bakery scares off customers a bit. I know you two have to practice, but can you do it somewhere else?”
Screwball blinked again. “Why?”
“Well, ponies don’t really like meat to begin with...”
Blink.
“And most don’t approve of cannibalism...”
Blink.
“And you’re singing about using both to make baked goods. In a bakery.”
Blink.
“Ohhhhhh!” she smiled and nodded in understanding. “Can Pip and I sing our duet together, though?”
“Sure!” she beamed. “I like that one! Wish you didn’t try to kill him at the end, though. Kinda puts a damper on parental relationships when you try to kill the kid!”
“Does it?”
Pinkie nodded. “Yup!”
The filly smiled. “Good to know!” she tapped on the statue again. “Daddy, you hear that?”
	Oh no. My plans are ruined. Curses, Screwball, I’m foiled again! He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but smile a bit.
“Think he heard me?”
Pinkie giggled. “Yeah, I’m sure he did.”
The two ponies left soon after, once again citing work and school, leaving Discord realizing something.
He wanted to see that play.
He wanted to see a school play.
A school play.
And he didn’t even want to see it in the hopes something would go wrong- because, let’s face it, something goes wrong in every school play. It’s like a law of nature. The sun comes up, birds cheep, and a set piece will fall on a colt or filly, or a costume will rip, all while someone forgets their lines in the middle of an important monologue.
No, he just wanted to see Screwball perform.
Well, that was just nature wasn’t it, wanting to see your child do well? 
But... he had actually found himself wanting to sit still for- what, three hours?- without expelling any chaos magic, just to watch schoolfillies forget their lines and screw up. 
He thought about the two pink mares, and groaned. If he thought having a family when he was just a pup living in the castle was hard, well...
That was nothing compared to what was in store for him.
	
> When Changelings Attack!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	A wedding. 
Joy.
Discord was currently pouting in his statue, trying to ignore the frivolous decorations that had been tossed on him in a pathetic attempt to make him more presentable- after all, the Canterlot gardens would be open for the wedding, and even if nopony but Pinkie, Screwball and the Princesses could break the magical seal to get to him, he was still visible, and a screaming draconequus wasn’t exactly festive.
And it wasn’t like he was ungrateful for a spot of color amidst his dreary gray and white form- he was, truly, it really brightened up the area, but...
They’d taken away Bananas.
Now, it wasn’t as if the king of chaos was upset by the removal of a simple plush toy. Not in the least! He could get over it a heartbeat- half a heartbeat even! It was just...
Pinkie and Screwball hadn’t visited in a while, either. 
Rehearsal schedules for Screwball’s show and all that, and then, just when the play had premiered and they were scheduled to visit again, preparations for the confounded wedding.
He’d heard Screwball was a very convincing maniac, though, even if he didn’t get the chance to see it.
Of course, that couldn’t have been hard, since she was a maniac, but it was still nice to hear, wasn’t it?
But, no, he couldn’t see it. He was stuck in a statue garden, left to rot.
He knew he was being childish, but really, what harm was there in that? Childishness wasn’t bad.
So he allowed himself to wallow in pathetic self-pity- it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do- and hoped that after the wedding, his two favorite ponies might give him a visit.
Things, of course, did not go as planned.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

The story of the Canterlot Wedding is infamous now, and the Changeling attack went down in history books as an act of true deception and surprise.
Discord, however, saw it coming from a mile away.
A mile and a quarter, to be exact.
It was all the chaotic energy, you see. The flurry and stress of a wedding was chaos in itself, but there was something more buzzing in the energy around him.
Now, Discord would be lying if he said that he knew precisely what was coming from one point two five miles away, but he could tell it was something.
The idea of this filled him with complete, unadulterated glee. Energy filled the statue slowly throughout all the events leading to the wedding- the creation of the shield spell, the replacement of Cadence with Chrysalis, Twilight’s ever growing panic and desperation for someone to just listen to her, Twilight’s removal from the wedding... All of these events made it so that when the attack was finally underway, Discord was brimming with power, only a few chaotic events from the freedom he so richly deserved. 
Already, the stone was getting weaker, thinner. Any moment now, it would crumble to pieces- his full energy would be restored, and he would be free as a bird.
He heard a few screams, a few shrieks, and he snickered. He was almost there...
“Daddy!”
His concentration was lost as his filly came bounding into his area of the gardens, pure panic on her deranged face. Changelings swarmed behind her, and although she was doing her very best to summon enough chaos to defeat them- and she really did have quite a bit- there were simply too many of them.
She backed up, growling like a dog, but her tail floofed up and stiff like a cat. “Leave us alone!”
But the Changelings just kept coming, by the bucketload. They’d realized that she was more powerful than expected, and had to be detained. As more and more Changelings appeared, her growls became less ferocious, and though she was trying to sound threatening, bless her heart, the noise she was making had quickly dissolved into whimpering.
“Daddy?” she kept her defensive stance, but looked at her father, fear somehow showing in those strange, vacant eyes.
Discord looked at her, unsure of what to do. He finally had enough power to escape- freedom was so close, he could taste it! But if he used his magic to escape, he would barely have enough energy to stand up, let alone help his daughter... He really should just wait until the Changelings were gone, and best of luck to Screwball. 
After all, if something were to happen to her, it would be a shame, but he could always create another chaotic entity. A yellow one, perhaps, he always quite liked yellow. Not as good as pink, but it really would do...
Screwy was trembling now, trying her very best to seem brave in front of her father, but not quite succeeding. “D-Daddy?” A Changeling swatted at her and she flinched, trying to bite it, but getting her muzzle hit in the process. She snarled as a bit of blood spurted out of her nostrils, then splayed out in front of Discord, protectively. “Don’t come any closer to me and Daddy, o-or else!”
No... he realized, with surprise. He didn’t want another embodiment of chaos. He was quite attached to the one he had already.
As the bug-like ponies drew close, he realized what he had to do.
Oh, poo.
He sighed, and snapped his talons. To his daughter’s delight, a giant bug-zapper appeared, drawing the Changelings to it- and away from her. As the Changelings swarmed closer, the light heated itself more and more, until it finally exploded in a burst of light, color and sound- taking the Changelings with it. All that was left were a few charred, shimmering wings, and the distinct scent of burnt cheese.
His little aberration beamed, and, despite the total lack of energy and the oncoming migraine, he couldn’t help but smile, too.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

The minute the wedding- the real one- was over and Celestia could slip away, she headed straight to the gardens, trying not to let panic set in as she made her way towards Discord’s statue.
Her stomach clenched at all the possibilities she might find. The stone broken, the draconequus free... she wasn’t sure Equestria could handle another crisis so soon after the last one.
So her relief was almost as great as her confusion when she found the statue untouched, still in the same position it had been when she’d last visited.
“Discord?”
There was an audible sigh, and a response of, Yes, Celestia? She couldn’t help but notice a deep strain in his voice, as if all the energy had been drained from it. She couldn’t make sense of it- he should be practically glowing with power right now.
“You’re... still here?”
Well, I can’t exactly move, can I?
“But, all the chaos... all the energy!”
Wonderful, that. Honestly, the best feeling I’ve had in a while. You really should invite Chryssie over more often, it was a delight to feel so strong again!
She looked at her adopted brother, eyes slanted in suspicion. “So where’s all that power now?”
Gone. Every last drop.
“How?”
I used it. I’m completely still not sure I made the right choice, I probably could have figured out how to get free as well, but ah well, you can’t change the past- or I can’t now, anyway. If I had a bit more power, I could, but alas, that’s not possible.
“Doing what?”
I beg your pardon?
“You drained your energy doing what?”
Exploding Changelings.
Her eyes widened. “Why would you do that? Did you not have enough power to get yourself free?”
... I did.
“But you’re here...”
Very observant, Celestia, you could be a detective.
“Why are you still here?”
There was another loud, drawn out sigh. Screwball was being chased by Changelings. I had to get rid of them somehow.
“You did?”
	Of course I did. What sort of parent do you take me for?
There was a pause.
Then Celestia looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read. “You sacrificed your freedom to help your... daughter?”
Oh, you don’t have to make it sound so heroic. You know how I hate that.
“...I see.” The mare turned away, eyes flitting from side to side as she tried to make sense of what had just happened.
Oh, Celestia?
The goddess stopped short, looking at him with a raised brow, on the defensive. “Yes?”
Is Pinkie Pie alright?
If she had been surprised before, it was nothing compared to what she was like now. “Why?”
Well, Chrysalis is smart, we both know that. And we both know that the Elements will jump into any trouble Equestria has at the drop of a hat. Because of this fact, the Elements would specifically be targeted by the Changelings, would they not? So it goes without saying Pinkie may have been in serious peril! I’m just checking up on her.
“Yes, but why? Why do you care?”
Why shouldn’t I? She cares about me.
The answer was simple, but it still took her off guard. It wasn’t as if Discord had admitted that he had any real feelings towards Pinkie, or even that he liked her. It was simply the “polite thing to do.”
But that was a start- a definite start. Caring enough to ask about a pony’s welfare, and caring enough to sacrifice freedom for yet another filly was inconceivable for Discord to do. It made absolutely no sense.
But Discord had often said there was no fun in making sense, and not making sense was something he did so well, she shouldn’t be surprised.
Still, this was... different.
“She’s fine. Completely safe and gorging on sweets at the party as we speak.”
... Good. I’m glad to hear it.
Celestia simply nodded. “I’ll tell them that you’re waiting for them- I’m sure they won’t mind a quick visit.”
Discord didn’t really have a response, not really in the mood to say “thank you,” but still quite aware that the Princess was doing him a favor.
	Alright then. I’m ready when they are, was all he said, before Celestia nodded and walked off, still thinking.
Maybe redemption was in reach for the draconequus... but it no longer seemed like she was the only pony that had to try and achieve it for him.
No, perhaps what Discord needed wasn’t the black and white worldview she’d been trying to impart.
Maybe he needed a splash of color.
	
> Chapter Eight (AKA I'll come up with a title later)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Discord had absolutely no idea what was happening. Celestia visiting his statue wasn’t really all that new, of course. Guards by his statue was uncommon, but not unheard of. The pair of them together hadn’t happened before, though, and he had certainly never been moved, or put into a chariot... and the look in Celestia’s eyes was unreadable.
The royal guards were none too gentle with him, and he was seriously worried that he  would chip or fall down and break off a limb as they all but tossed him into a carriage, strapping him in and getting in formation to move.
He was truly baffled as they took off, not knowing what in the name of Equestria was going on. Was she finally going to dispose of him properly? It would be surprising, but he supposed it was a possibility.
He could see a bit underneath the cloud layer, not sure what to think as he saw Ponyville beneath him. 
They started to land, and he raised a brow as he saw the array of ponies there to greet him, just hearing the end of a conversation.
“-would Princess Celestia bring along someone like that?”
The royal fax machine was trembling, looking at him with wide, terrified eyes, Ah, he missed that expression, it was so much fun to see. “Maybe- maybe you should ask her!”
The ponies all looked up, panic of their faces- except for one. Pinkie grinned up at him and waved. The other ponies paid little attention to her, instead looking at the Princess in horror. Rainbow Dash joined the group then, Fluttershy and Applejack in tow. When she saw the statue, she nearly fell out of the air, and Fluttershy shrieked. They, too, looked at the Princess in complete befuddlement.
Twilight was the first to speak. “With all due respect, Princess Celestia... how could you bring Discord here?!” she coughed lightly, blushing. “Your Majesty...”
She laughed. “I'm fully aware that the last time Discord was here, he created serious havoc.” She then raised a hoof, seeing Rainbow Dash opening her mouth to protest. “But I have reason to believe that Discord is on the brink of reformation, and I require your help to make it happen.”
She smiled at Pinkie. “Especially you, Pinkie.”
Her eyes lit up, and the grin on her face grew even larger. “Me?”
“Yes, you,” she smiled gently at the small mare. “Discord already has a fondness for you, and he seems to trust you more than he does even me.”
And I should trust you because...?
Her eyes flitted over to Discord and frowned, but he turned her gaze back to Pinkie. “I believe that if anyone could get through to him, it would be you.”
“Woah, woah, wait a minute,” Rainbow Dash frowned. “What do you mean he’s ‘fond’ of Pinkie?” she looked at the statue in suspicion.
“I believe he’s grateful for her visits, and her company.”
“Company?!” Twilight looked at Pinkie in disbelief. The mare drew back a little.
“W-well, nopony should be lonely... He wasn’t getting any visitors, and it was our fault that he was in there, so...”
“Yeah, because he tried to destroy Equestria the last time he was free!” Dash looked at her, eyes wide. “It wasn’t like he was just some random pony we put in stone!”
She frowned, standing firm. “Nopony should be lonely.”
He smiled a bit at that.
“But-”
“Nopony.”
Even Celestia was impressed by her persistence. The ponies all looked entirely unconvinced, so Celestia smiled. “Not to worry. If anything goes wrong, you’re all free to use the Elements and turn him back to his current state.” 
Spike brightened. “Uh, we- we probably need a volunteer to run away from here right away to get them. I'll do it!” he started to run away, but Celestia shook her head. 
“No need, Spike. I have them right here, and I've cast a spell so Discord can't take them and hide them again.” She showed them the box and each pony took their respective element. Five of the girls were looking at each other with varying levels of discomfort, while Pinkie was practically bouncing with glee. The Princess smiled at them, stepping back into her chariot. “Now, I wish I could stay, but I must return to Canterlot for Equestria's royal summit. You may release Discord when ready.” And with that, she was off.
Fluttershy looked at the statue, gulping. “D-do we have to do it now?”
Applejack sighed.
“Look, there ain’t no use in talkin’ about it, or waitin’ around.  We gotta do it eventually, so might as well get it over with.”
Twilight nodded. “Alright girls, in formation. And be sure to keep your Elements on at all times until further notice.” she looked at Pinkie, still a bit unsure of what to think. “All of us.”
The spirit of chaos rolled his eyes at that, but Pinkie replied with a cheerful “Okie dokie loki!”
He watched as the Elements began to glow, and couldn’t help his stomach from clenching a bit as they started to work- after all, the last time he had seen them in use, he’d been turned to stone.
The stone around him started to crumble and dissolve, and he cackled, stretching his limbs and wiggling them to try them out. He cackled in glee, and started to stretch his talons and paw, getting ready to release a bit of magic.
“Discord, no.”
He frowned, looking at Pinkie in surprise. Then he smiled. “Pinkie! Ah, it’s so good to see you again, my dear!”
She giggled. “Nice to see you too! Well, nice to hear you, I mean, I saw you just a few days ago!”
“Alright, look,” Twilight stepped forward, looking at the pair in a mixture of annoyance and confusion. “I’m a bit surprised you’re not questioning your freedom, but-”
“Why would he be questioning it?” Pinkie cocked her head to the side, eyebrow raised. “Celetia just explained it to everypony!”
“Well, he was stone-”
“He can still hear us, you silly filly!”
Twilight looked at him for confirmation. He rolled his eyes and nodded. “Unfortunately.”
Pinkie looked at him, hurt in her eyes, and he suddenly felt the need to explain himself. “Oh, not you, Pinkie- I enjoy our conversations immensely. I mean, of course, Celestia. So full of herself, so certain- it’s completely mind numbing, listening to her drone on.”
Twilight looked horrified. “Princess Celestia isn’t-”
“If you ask me, it was because Father favored her,” he muttered to Pinkie.
“Father?” for the first time since she’d seen Discord, Twilight wasn’t angry, simply confused.
The draconequus laughed, looking at the mare in amusement. “Oh, didn’t your precious history books tell you? I grew up with Celestia and Luna,” he grinned, poofing up a cape and crown. “I’m practically royalty!”
Now all the ponies looked shocked, even Pinkie. “So that’s why Luna and Celestia are letting Screwball call them Auntie! I thought they were just being nice!”
“Screwball?” Applejack looked at Pinkie, eyebrows raised. “What’s that sweet little filly got t’do with someone like that?” she pointed to the chimera.
The cape and crown had been replaced with a baseball cap sporting the words “#1 Dad” on it, and Discord chortled. “I’ll give you girls one guess!” then he registered what Applejack had said. “... Sweet?” he gabbed Pinkie and looked at her desperately. “Pinkie Pie, what have you done to my monstrosity?”
She shrugged. “Nothing! Told her to be polite when she was at Applejack’s and Rarity’s, that’s all!”
“Wait!” Rarity stepped forward, horror in her eyes. “A-are you saying that I allowed Discord’s daughter to spend the night at my house?”
“If it’s any consolation to you, I wasn’t fond of the idea either,” the spirit glared, crossing his arms and staring down at the unicorn.
Rarity glared up at him. “Well, I can assure you, it won’t happen again.”
Pinkie frowned, getting in between the two. “Hey now, Rarity, that’s not really fair... Screwy didn’t do anything wrong!”
“No, but based on her parentage, she will- and I don’t want Sweetie Belle around her once she does,” she sniffed. “Speaking of which, school is very nearly out. I should be at home The last time I left her without an adult at the Boutique alone, she and her friends nearly burnt the place to the ground.” she scowled at Discord. “Although I have no doubt that Screwball was behind the idea of pyrotechnics in the first place.”
Discord’s eyes lit up. “Pyrotechnics? Ooh, that’s quite good... nice to see she’s still causing mayhem in my absence.”
Pinkie, who was still trying to salvage the situation, hissed, “Dissy, not now.”
“Dissy?” Dash frowned, wings up, as if ready to fly off at any moment. 
Pinkie shrugged. “What? I call you Dashie!”
“That’s different!”
“Look, this conversation is just... great...” Applejack looked at the group. “But I best be gettin’ back to the farm. Just ‘cause the dam’s gone doesn’t mean there’s still not a lotta clean-up work.”
Fluttershy looked up at them. “I- I need to go talk to the beavers... Since they can’t build their dams, they... they need to find themselves a good pond instead... Sorry I have to leave...” she started off, giving Pinkie a smile and a quiet, “Good luck, Pinkie.” the smile hadn’t quite faded when she looked at Discord, something he was certainly surprised by.
The rest of the ponies left one by one, citing various reasons- Discord’s personal favorite being Rainbow Dash’s, who had flat out admitted that she just really didn’t want to be there. 
	Charming.
And so Discord was left alone with Pinkie who, for once, seemed quite shaken by the whole experience. The draconequus had no idea how to react to it, although he knew he didn’t like it, so he simply waited for her to speak.
“... We should go get Screwball, huh?” she finally said, looking up at Discord, looking a little drained. He followed her as she made her way towards the schoolhouse, a bit relieved as she started to perk up. “I’m sure she’ll be really happy to see you!”

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

It was always interesting to be around children- that was something Discord had learned long ago. With full grown ponies, it was always the same spiel when he showed up. Panic, screaming- and that was all great fun, of course, and he never tired of it, but it was always the same.
Children, however, were different. Yes, there were screamers, of course, and cryers, but there was also such a chaotic energy in them that they generally found themselves at least slightly intrigued by the spirit. Some found him funny, some found him strange, and some loved his work- after all, much of his chaos involved candy and sweets, and what foal isn’t fond of that?
So he wasn’t precisely sure what he should expect from the foals.
The bell had already ring for school to be out, so there were very few ponies milling around the schoolhouse when Pinkie and Discord got there. Only one other filly was waiting for her respective parents to come and get them- Dinky.
Screwball was the first pony to notice her father, looking very out of place in the completely normal setting, and her purple eyes grew the size of dinner plates as a grin took over the majority of her face. Her beanie buzzed with excitement and she zipped over towards him, nearly toppling him over. 
“Daddy!” she squeezed his middle hard enough that, had Discord really needed to breathe, he would have found it quite difficult. He accepted the bone-crushing hug, though, as he had little choice in the matter, and smiled back.
“Hello, my little abomination!” 
“You’re back, Daddy!” her propeller buzzed even faster, and Pinkie couldn’t help but giggle at the sight.
At the word “Daddy,” the remaining filly had stopped her homework- she always liked to get it done early- and looked over, tiny heart nearly stopping at what she saw. Discord was back, standing out in the open next to the schoolhouse.
...And he was Screwball’s father?
Actually, that last one made sense, now that she really thought about it.
Dinky had let out a little squeak, alerting the odd family to her presence. 
Screwball grinned, breaking away from her father and making her way over to her classmate. 
“So this is my dad!” she beamed proudly. Dinky looked at the mismatched creature again, the fear ebbing away and getting replaced with interest.
She’d seen many things in her young life that others had never even dreamed of. Her mother’s very special somepony took them on the most amazing adventures, seeing creatures from all walks of life, and planets and galaxies and amazing, amazing things. And these experiences had left her with the knowledge that one could never jump to conclusions based on looks, or based on unfounded fear.
And surprisingly, despite the fact many would argue a fear of Discord was perfectly founded, other than the initial fear she’d had at seeing him, she wasn’t really afraid of him. She was a lot more nervous about how he’d gotten free then the fact that he actually was free.
So she made her way over to the draconequus, cocking a brow. “You’re supposed to be in stone, aren’t you, mister?”
Discord looked down at the foal, and cackled, “Nope! Freed on the Princess’ orders!” he snapped, producing a very legitimate and very important legal document proving his parole.
“This is a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card from Maneopoly,” Dinky said, looking unamused. Pinkie giggled from behind him, and she really noticed the mare for the first time. Usually Pinkie would draw attention immediately, but in the surprise of seeing Discord, Dinky hadn’t noticed much else. She supposed if Pinkie was there, there really was no chance she was in any sort of danger, so the tiny bit of apprehension she still had vanished.
“Is it?” he took the card back, looking over it. Then he shrugged and tossed it behind him, and Screwball grinned, taking it and popping it in her mouth.
Yeah, she was definitely related to the draconequus. 
“Well, what about this?” he snapped up another document, this time quite a bit more official looking.
She took it and inspected it carefully, scanning over it. “The shade of yellow is the official color for parole documents, the signature doesn’t seem forged...” she squinted, then lit up. “Nope, this isn’t official! It’s fake!”
Discord blinked, then cocked a brow. “How in the world could you know that, my dear?”
“Lookit the seal, Mr. Discord,” she pointed her hoof to the seal, and he looked with interest. “You’re using the old Canterlot seal, like the one from a few thousand years ago. Half moon, half sun! Up until recently, it had just been changed to the sun, but it got changed back. It’s actually hard to tell if you don’t know your stuff, but if you do, it’s obvious! The really old seal has a half moon, half sun, but the current one is half a sun and a quarter of a moon, with a star in the empty dark space. You did a good job, though!” she smiled. “I wouldn’t have known if my daddy didn’t help design all three- and besides, there’s no way you’d know about the changing seals, since you’ve been trapped for so long!”
He looked at her, impressed. “Well, that may come in handy in the future... Wait,” he stopped. “He designed all three?”
“Yup!” she beamed.
“How old is your father, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“How old is his equine form, or are you going to count when he was bipedal? Because the second one might take some time to figure out...”
“Dinky?” a gray pegasus mare looked at the unicorn, waving her over. “Come on, muffin- Daddy wanted to visit Mr. Starswirl again today, remember?”
The unicorn immediately lit up. “Oh, yeah! I forgot!” she grabbed her saddlebags and started to scamper away. “Bye Mr. Discord!”
The mare’s crossed eyes looked at him and focused, as if noticing him for the first time. “Oh! Hiya!” she didn’t look alarmed, instead smiling cheerily. “Free already? I thought that wasn’t supposed to be until next week!”
“No, mom, you’re messing up timelines again!”
“Ohhh, whoops!” the mare blushed a bit, sheepishly. “Sorry!”
Pinkie shrugged. “No problem, Ditzy! Hey, you’re going to come into Sugarcube Corner tomorrow, right? Screwy finally perfected her new muffin recipe!”
Screwball, who was back in between her dad’s horns, grinned. “They don’t blow up anymore!”
Ditzy looked excited. “Of course!” she waved to Discord, bubbly and beaming. “I’ll see you around!”
“I suppose so.” Discord still wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but the combination of all of the mares’ energy was enjoyable, at the least.
Screwball watched as the family left, smiling. “They’re crazy like us, Daddy. I like ‘em.”
Discord laughed. “You know? I do too. They’re entertaining.”
Pinkie Pie finally spoke up. “Well then, you’re in luck! Ditzy comes by the bakery all the time, so you’re definitely going to get to see them!”
The pink filly beamed. “Daddy's going to live with us in the bakery?”
“Yup! I dunno how the Cakes are gonna like that,” she looked at Discord, a bit apologetic, “but they’ll let it happen. Royal orders, after all!”
“So Auntie ‘Tia’s lettin’ him stay? She’s not gonna send him back?”
“Nope!”
The filly grinned. “Yes!”
As Pinkie explained the situation, Discord was happy to hear that the filly seemed to be understanding everything. Good, he didn’t want to have to explain too much. Explaining was boring.
Then Screwball’s beanie buzzed, a sure sign that she was excited. “Mom and Dad are gonna live together! Finally!” she hoofpumped. “And since Daddy’s free, and he and Mommy are together... that means you two can finally get married, like I said!”
Discord felt his body run cold, and he looked down at Pinkie, who suddenly seemed very awkward and small. 
Alright, maybe they’d have a little explaining to do.
> Chaos and Cutie Marks
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	The walk through Ponyville was eventful, to say the least, and involved a lot of terrified looking ponies, Pinkie explaining over three dozen times what was going on to various groups of ponies, and Screwball looking in confusion and annoyance as ponies fled from her father- she really didn’t understand why they were doing that.
That was, except for three fillies. Screwball’s face lit up as she saw them approaching, and grinned. “Hiya, guys!”
Applebloom and Scootaloo waved, albeit cautiously, and approached, but Sweetie Belle just sighed and looked at the ground.
“I- I’m not supposed to talk to you anymore... Rarity said since you were ‘the spawn of the enemy’ I’m not allowed to play with you...” she watched sadly as Screwball deflated a bit, and Discord rolled his eyes. Pinkie grit her teeth- she loved Rarity with all her heart, but the fashionista was being unfair! She’d have to talk to her about this...
“Ah ain’t sure if we can hang out anymore, either. Applejack an’ Big Mac are gonna talk about it t’night. I’ll bet I will, but I just thought I should warn ya, just in case...” Applebloom looked up a Screwball bashfully, shrinking away a bit under the gaze of the chimera and his daughter. 
The filly looked pretty upset, and Discord frowned down at the orange pegasus. “Let me guess, you aren’t allowed to play with my daughter either?”
The foal looked startled, at the least, to have the spirit of chaos addressing her, but she covered it up with a bit of false bravado. “Pffft, nah,” Scoots shrugged, looking at her hooves disinterestedly, just as she’d seen Rainbow Dash do. “Guardian Angel already has her hooves full with the other foals, so as long as I don’t hurt myself too badly, hurt anypony else, or make her pay a lot in property damage, I can basically do what I want!” she shrugged again, smiling at Screwball. “I can still hang with you.”
The deranged foal brightened quite a bit. 
“We’re still going to try to play with you, though!” Sweetie Belle chirped, giving the earth pony a small smile. “We’ll just sneak around our sisters if we have to. We do it all the time while we’re crusading, it shouldn’t be too different.” she shrugged. 
“Yeah! We ain’t gonna leave ya behind. After all, once yer a Crusader, yer a Crusader fer life! We’ll still help ya figure out what yer mark means, not t’worry,” Applebloom beamed up at Screwball.
“We just wanted to tell you it might be a bit harder for all four of us to get together,” Scootaloo clarified. “We’re not abandoning you.”
Discord had to admit- he was surprised to hear the fillies saying this. He’d expected them to leave his little monster completely once they discovered who her father was, but instead they were sticking around. He smiled a bit as he saw the look on his daughter’s face- completely and utterly thrilled. Pinkie was beaming as well, the gears in her head already turning as she thought of different ways to help the girls hang out together.
“Thanks, guys!”
“Aw, don’t mention it,” Applebloom grinned. “Like Ah said, Crusaders gotta stick t’gether!” 
With that, Scootaloo and Applebloom started off where they’d come from, only stopping once they realized Sweetie Belle wasn’t behind them. She was still staring up at Discord, who looked very, very confused as to why she was still there. He looked at Pinkie for an explanation, but she just shrugged.
“Discord?” the foal said finally, after a long time of debating inside her head whether or not she should even ask. “Was... was it really our fault you got free last time?”
The other two foals came rushing back, hardly believing she’d actually asked. They’d come to an agreement long ago that they wouldn’t mention the possible part they may have played in Discord’s most recent reign of terror, that they’d never speak of it, and now Sweetie was just... asking?
“Sweetie Belle, what’re you doin’?” Applebloom hissed, eyes wide. “I thought we were gonna pretend that didn’t happen!”
She looked down at her hooves. “I know we said that, but I’m curious!” then she glanced at her friends. “Aren’t you?”
“Nuh-uh!” Applebloom frowned and shook her head. “I don’ wanna know! I don’ wanna feel worse about it then I already do...”
Screwball cocked her head to the side, looking at her friend innocently. “Why would you feel bad about it?”
“Well, ‘cause, uh...” Applebloom shifted awkwardly, clearing her throat. “Y’see...” 
“Ponies aren’t creatures of chaos like us,” Discord supplied, finding the pony’s stuttered explanations annoying. “They don’t like me or my creations much.”
Applebloom looked up at him, surprised. “Uh, yeah, what he said!”
Screwball blinked once. Twice. “If they don’t like your creations... does that mean they don’t like me?”
“No!” Pinkie had been keeping quiet, figuring it was probably best to let Discord have a conversation- ponies were watching from inside their homes, and seeing the draconequus talking to fillies without too much conflict might warm them up to him, at least a bit. But when she saw the look on the filly’s face, she couldn’t help but say something. “Ponies like you! I mean, you have friends at school, and ponies say hi to you on the street, and they all liked you in your play, and-” the filly was brightening a little bit as she spoke, and Discord couldn’t help but feel grateful for that.
“Plus you didn’t hurt anypony!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. The draconequus felt his eye twitch at the sudden shrillness of her voice- this squeaky little thing was supposed to have a good voice? 
“And I did?” he frowned, stroking his beard. “I don’t seem to recall that...”
“Y’turned my whole family gray!” Applebloom protested.
“I did?” his mismatched eyes lit up. “Ah, yes, I did! But it didn’t hurt them, did it? If anything, I helped.”
“Uh huh.”
Discord crouched down, looking offended. “What? You don’t believe me? Think of it this way- your granny, if I remember, was dancing, as if she’d never had a bad hip? And your brother... well, to be honest, I’m not sure why he was doing what he was doing, but he seemed happy doing it, didn’t he?”
Applebloom sat down, thinking.
“Ya- ya tried t’ruin our crops!”
“Ruin? I did no such thing!” he smiled. “In fact, I think I improved them. Popcorn sells much better than regular corn, I’ll bet, and you can sell it for more money- and bigger apples mean bigger profits, don’t they?”
She frowned. “Ya made my sister a horrible liar- ya can’t excuse that!”
He shrugged. “She and the other element bearers started it.” Pinkie frowned a bit at that, and the three fillies glared. Scootaloo’s wings started buzzing in anger, and she was just about to speak when-
“Did not!” Sweetie Belle squeaked.
“Did too,” he crossed his arms defiantly, looking down at her.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“Did not!”
The two glared at each other- a child, and a couple thousand year old chaos god, squaring off. The other three looked on in interest.
“You blinked!” Sweetie Belle laughed.
Discord looked wounded. “I did not!”
“Yeah, you did, Daddy.”
Discord looked at his daughter, arms crossed. “Traitor...”
Throughout this whole exchange, Scoots had been thinking. Then she grinned. “So, did we do it?”
Even Pinkie looked confused. “Do what?”
She pointed to Discord. “Did we free you or what?”
Applebloom’s eyes widened. “Scootaloo! I already told ya, I don’t wanna know!”
Scootaloo motioned the fillies closer, whispering. Discord could still hear them, but he pretended he couldn’t, just to listen in. “Girls, think about it! If we freed him, that means we did something nice for him!”
“And that’s a  good thing?” Sweetie looked completely lost.
“Uh huh!” Scootaloo beamed. “Look, he’s trying to be ‘reformed,’ right?”
“Yeah...”
“And decent ponies repay others for favors!” Scoots, looked at her friends, beaming.
“And?”
“So if we let him out, he owes us a favor! And if he’s trying to prove he’s reformed, he’s gonna have to let us cash it in! So...”
“... So we get t’have th’God of Chaos do somethin’ fer us!”
“And we saw his powers last time, he could do anything!”
Discord raised a brow. Were they actually going to try to blackmail him? Were these simple foals actually going to try and manipulate the God of Chaos?
He grinned despite himself. They had guts, he couldn’t deny that.
“Alright, so let’s say you did free me,” he said, interrupting them. “What would you want?”
The fillies looked at him, eyes wide.
“Well, uh...” Scootaloo, looked around. trying to think of something. The three girls now had the entire world in their hooves, and they had no idea what to do with it.
“Maybe we could...”
“Our cutie marks!” Sweetie Belle beamed.
Discord sighed. “Really? Cosmic, god-like powers at your disposal, everything you could want and more, and you want your butt pictures?”
“Yeah!” the other two nodded rapidly. 
Pinkie stepped in front of them. “Oh, no you don’t!” 
“But... why not?”
“Because the last time you used magic to try and get a cutie mark, you brought back a disease that everypony thought was gone forever! And there was panicking and hazmat suits and everypony was really scared and I had to tell Mrs. Cake about the corn cakes I ate and it was horrible!”
“Well, technically it was a potion...” Applebloom said, but she shrank a little.
“What disease?” Discord asked, curious.
“... Cutie Pox...”
He grinned and crouched down again. “Could I trouble you for the recipe you used for your little potion?”
“No!” Applebloom glared at him. “Ah ain’t lettin’ you get yer grubby little...” she looked down at his limbs. He had four different ones, not including his tail, so, unable to come up with a name that described all of them, she spat, “claws an’ paws an’ whatever else ya got on it! Yeh’ll just use it to cause trouble.”
“What, me? Never!” 
“Ah ain’t arguin’ with you, ‘cause Ah know I’m right! Now, give us our cutie marks!”
“Please?” Sweetie offered.
“Hmmmph,” the draconequus was looking at the fillies indignantly. “A few minutes ago I might have, but you’ve been so angry with me, and so unfair, now I don’t really feel like it.”
Scootaloo looked at him, brows furrowed. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Discord smirked. 
“But that’s not fair!” Sweetie Belle whined shrilly. Discord felt as if his head was about to burst, and his eye twitched even more.
“Well, I think I’m doing you a favor! If I gave you your marks, then you’d be no better off,” he motioned to his daughter. “I gave Screwball a mark, and she has no idea what it means. She’s been trying to figure out her talent, just like you.”
Scootaloo drooped. “I hadn’t thought of it that way...”
“And besides, as the spirit of chaos, I could not, in good conscience, give you your marks. It would decrease the trouble around here exponentially, and I simply couldn’t do that.”
The girls frowned at that, but they knew they couldn’t argue with him. It was like arguing with a child- there was just no point to it.
“Fine, then. We’ll get back to you- we’re getting that favor!”
“Yes, yes, of course you will,” he was hovering on his back now, looking pretty disinterested. He waved his paw, his eyes half closed. “Now go on, unleash Hell.”
“We don’t unleash Hell!”
He smirked. “Oh, you don’t? Screwball?”
“Yes, Daddy?” Screwball had moved from on top of her father’s head to being flopped on his chest, on her back, upside-down. Somehow, her beanie stayed on.
“What was the last crusade you four went on?”
“Well...” she thought for a second. “Oh! We put Scoots in a cannon and tried to get her to fly, then we all made fake wings and tried it ourselves! And we only crashed into three houses! And the cannon kinda blew through a few apple trees, too, but only seven!”
He smiled. “My mistake, girls, you’re perfect angels.” he snapped his talons, giving each a halo.
The fillies scowled up at the halos, but they couldn’t deny that he had a point.
Screwball looked at her own halo in puzzlement. “I’m not an angel!”
“No, you certainly aren’t! I’m sorry, my dear, what was I thinking?” he snapped again, and the halo was replaced with little red tipped horns. The filly nodded approvingly.
Discord looked down at the other three. “Weren’t you three going somewhere?”
Scoots nodded, waving her halo away. “You wanna come with us, Screwy? We were gonna try ghost hunting! We’ll stay away from the Boutique, so nopony sees us.”
Screwball brightened, and was about to nod until she realized who she was on top of. Her dad. Her dad, who she’d finally been reunited with after months. Who was still not completely and utterly free, and could be taken away again at any minute.
“... I should stay with Daddy,” she said, shaking her head. “I haven’t seen him in a really long time, and I don’t wanna leave him again!”
Pinkie smiled. “You wouldn’t be leaving him, you silly filly! I’ll bet he’d love you to stay, but if you wanna go, you can go! He’ll be here when you come back!”
The foal looked at her adopted mother, then at her dad, worry and a bit of fear in her pupiless eyes. “... You promise?”
The draconequus was a bit taken off guard. Was she really that worried? Despite himself, he softened a little. “I promise.”
“Pinkie Promise?”
He laughed. “Of course. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” he did all the movements as well. 
Screwy nodded, relieved. If she knew anything about her mom, it was that she’d never allow anyone to break a Pinkie Promise. “Okay. Since you promised.” She hugged her dad tightly, nestling into his fur. Discord was very much aware that ponies were watching from inside their homes, and he was a very conscious not to seem too soft in front of them- he had a reputation to maintain, after all. But he allowed himself to hug her back briefly and tap her muzzle. “Go on then. Like I said before- go unleash Hell.”
She hopped off, then looked up at him and saluted. “Can do, Daddy! I’ll make sure it’s even more than usual!” she grinned and joined the other girls, and the set off on their mission to become Ponyville’s first ghostbusters.
“Y’know, you’re a really good daddy!” Pinkie smiled, watching the four fillies go. 
He raised a brow. “Well of course I am. I’m the god of chaos, and children are some of the most chaotic beings to exist. Why shouldn’t I be good with them?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Well, it was still really sweet!”
And there was that word again.
	Sweet.
“Pinkie, I’m not sweet.”
She shrugged, continuing to bounce down the street. “Whatever you say!” she called back in a sing-song voice.
He grumbled a bit, but didn’t press the issue any further, following as she hopped towards the bakery.
Once he saw the building he would be living in, he grinned. It was, of course, just a regular building, but it looked so... chaotic. Fake gingerbread panels and plaster frosting, with gumdrops and candy buttons added for decoration. It was a bit lopsided and had an enormous pink cupcake on top, which, Pinkie explained, she lived in.
Was it perfect? No. Was it even great? Well, no. It wasn’t even edible! But compared to the rest of the boring buildings in Ponyville, this lopsided, colorful, sugar high five-year old’s paradise was amazing.
“I should have known you lived in a house that looks made of of sugar,” he laughed, watching as Pinkie made her way up to the door.
“Well, duh, it’s the best house around! Plus it’s a bakery, so it smells great, too!” she opened the front door. “Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” she called out. “I got a visitor! We need to talk!” Discord shrunk himself slightly to fit in the door better, and entered behind Pinkie. The Cakes, who had been working in the kitchen, popped their heads out when Pinkie called for them.
When their eyes fell on Discord, however, the smiles on their faces drooped and Mr. Cake felt himself getting woozy. 
Pinkie looked at the pair, a nervous smile on her face, and simply went, “... I can explain.”
> Bakery, Sweet Bakery
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	The Cakes didn’t answer, nod, or make any sign that they’d heard Pinkie. Mr. Cake continued to sway, before finally fainting. Discord rolled his eyes and poofed up a giant marshmallow for him to fall on, figuring it probably wouldn’t make a good impression to allow him to get a concussion.
Luckily, the pony came to rather quickly, and looked at the marshmallow in horror. Discord couldn’t help but roll his eyes again- he could tell he would be doing that quite a bit in the near future- and poofed the marshmallow away. 
Pinkie Pie had scrambled over to the stallion, and was currently shaking him violently, panic in her eyes. “Mr. Cake! Are you okay?!” 
Cup Cake put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s fine, dear, he does that sometimes.” Pinkie noticed her hoof was still shaking, though, and her eyes kept flitting back at Discord.
Pinkie followed her gaze and remembered why Mr. Cake had fainted in the first place. “Oh, right!” she laughed. “I got a new order from the Princess!” she was bouncing excitedly, took a deep breath and began. “So after we blasted Discord back to stone I kept thinking, and I felt really really bad because I figured it had to be super duper lonely being in stone! So I started to visit him and I gave him cupcakes and a toy and he couldn’t really talk but he wrote me notes! And I visited him with Screwball every week when I told you I was going to Canterlot- ‘cause I was! And the Princess decided that I should help Dissy and reform him so he can be free! And since I’m gonna be reforming him, he’s gonna be living here!”
Discord was actually impressed. She’d kept it pretty short- for Pinkie, at least.
The Cakes blinked, jaws open. “Really?” asked Cup, disbelieving.
“Yup!” 
Carrot quirked his eyebrow, finally finding his voice. He had so many questions, so many concerns, but all he could get out was. “... Why did you bring Screwball?”
“Because she wanted to see her daddy, of course, silly!”
Discord wasn’t surprised when the stallion started to sway again, and he found himself facepalming at the lanky pony’s reaction. He was about to poof something soft for him to land on yet again- a giant dandelion puff maybe- but he steadied himself. He was still speechless. The Cakes continued to stare at him, and he felt increasingly annoyed, even as Pinkie continued to reassure and explain even further.   
Cup was the first to speak. “Pinkie, you’re sure about this?” She looked at Discord, who had started to inspect the candy paneling on the wall. It could really use some improvement... making it edible wouldn’t be so bad, would it? Nopony would complain about that... But a look from Pinkie stopped him. He wasn’t sure why he was listening to her- he could do whatever he wanted, he was a god!
...A god on parole. And if he stepped out of line, he’d be trapped again, likely forever. So maybe it was in his best interest to listen- for now at least. He sighed, but lowered his talon. The Cakes looked at each other, surprised. They looked a little more reassured, but still seemed terrified out of their wits.
Discord finally spoke. “Do you want proof that Pinkie isn’t delusional?” he groaned. Pinkie frowned, but didn’t argue when they asked for the proof.
“Here,” he poofed up the necessary papers, and handed them to the Cakes.
“...This is a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card from-”
“Maneopoly!” Pinkie frowned. “Discord, how could you?”
Discord looked at the card, confused. “What?”
“You started a running gag!”
The draconequus looked at the card in disgust and horror. “No...”
“Yes, you did!”
“But... that’s cliche!”
She nodded. “Yeah, you used a trope!”
He blanched, and the Cakes looked at him, then Pinkie, so confused as to what was going on. 
Discord shook his head in disgust. “What a pathetic attempt at fourth-wall humor.”
“And all for a cheap laugh...”
They shook their heads solemnly, until Mrs. Cake cleared her throat. They looked up, and Discord approached. They backed away instinctively, and Discord realized that he would have to shmooze to get them to tolerate his presence. So he cleared his throat and began.
"I know that this is a big decision, and I don't wish to intrude. I know you have a family, too, and I swear that I will never hurt your foals- quite the opposite, in fact, I've found that I'm quite good with children. They find me funny, although I couldn't possibly imagine why." He gestured to himself, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work. "I'll earn my keep with chores." Mrs. Cake paled. "I'll help in the bakery." They grew more nervous, for some strange reason. "I'll pay rent..." Mr. Cake rolled his eyes. Discord saw that he was getting nowhere fast, so he facepalmed and tried a different approach.
"Look, I have to stay with Pinkie. Celestia's orders."
The couple looked at each other, uncomfortable.
Pinkie gave them puppy-dog eyes. “Please, guys? I promise I’ll make sure he stays out of too much trouble, and I'll watch him and feed him and everything!” Discord couldn’t help but be a little peeved- she was making him sound like a pet, not a powerful being who could easily turn the whole bakery upside-down and inside out if he chose to. “... Plus, Screwy should get to stay with her daddy.”
They softened a bit at that. As much trouble as the filly caused around the bakery, they had grown rather fond of her in the months she had lived with them, and both had a place in their hearts for her.
They looked at each other, sighed and nodded. “We can’t exactly act against a royal order, can we?” Mrs. Cake smiled softly. They still looked very uncomfortable, but Discord wasn’t even going to pretend to care. 
Pinkie lit up like a Hearth’s Warming Eve tree, hopping over and engulfing her surrogate family in a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She beamed at Discord, and grabbed his tail. “Come on, you!”
He shook his head, horrified as she tried to drag him into the hug. She frowned, but shrugged. “Eh, we’ll get there eventually!”
He seriously doubted it, and said so, eliciting a determined smile from Pinkie. 
“Then you don’t know me, buster!”
The couple exchanged yet another glance, almost feeling bad for the draconequus. Pinkie was persistent, and, one way or another, she’d get that hug.
There was nothing in heaven and Hell that could stop that pony when she wanted something.
“Pinkie?” Carrot interrupted. “Where exactly is Discord going to be staying? We don’t have a guest room anymore, remember?”
“‘Course I do! I helped convert it into a nursery with you, silly!” she beamed. “He’ll be staying in my room, with Screwy!”
Discord’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that in the slightest, and honestly wasn’t sure about the whole idea. Sharing a room with his daughter was something he’d do gladly, but with Pinkie? “I’m not sure that would be... appropriate...”
Mr. Cake was nodding firmly. “I agree with Discord-” he stopped himself when he realized just what he’d said, and Discord had to contain laughter at the look on his face.
Pinkie Pie shrugged. “We don’t have any other room, and even though I bet he could make a broom closet some super fantastic, wonderific bedroom, it’s still not polite to put him in one!” Before anypony could respond, she grabbed his tail and started pulling him towards her room. He followed, still not thrilled with the living situation- couldn’t a draconequus have some privacy?- but aware that he couldn’t do much without changing the interior of the building, something he doubted his hosts would appreciate.
“Here we are!” she opened the door, grinning. “We have the whole cupcake to ourselves!” 
Well, it was certainly fitting she lived in a cupcake, even if the cake was made of wood and metal and screws, and the frosting of plaster and paint.
She bounced around, and Discord had to find himself smiling. The room wasn’t bad at all, made even better by little touches that he was sure his daughter had put in. For example, both mattresses were made of something that looked like jello, tasted like jello, moved like jello, and even felt like jello, but weren’t sticky like jello.
He supposed that now that it was warmer, her idea of hot chocolate waterbeds were a bit uncomfortable.
The room was filled with little chaotic oddities like that: the blankets seemed to be made of cheese, and the pillows of ravioli,  the wallpaper moved, the bathtub water drained up instead of swirling down and bubbled in different colors, with dozens of different taps, the closet and mirror occasionally participated in small talk and the windows showed scenes that didn’t always correspond to what was happening outside, among other things. Still, everything was relatively stable, and was able to do what it needed to.
“What d’you think?” she asked cheerfully.
He was impressed, be honest, but he simply said, “It’s not bad. It could use a few finishing touches, a bit more pizazz-”
“Well, Screwy and I are always up for more ideas! It’s only been like this for a few days, we change it a lot!” 
“Don’t the Cakes mind?”
“Nope! They don’t really come in here, and what I do with my living space is my business, they say! As long as I don’t damage it!” she smiled again. “You can make yourself at home, do what you want. You need anything to feel more like home?”
He blinked. Now that he thought about it... he snapped, and a few random suitcases appeared. He rifled through the luggage, pulling out random items, not all of which belonged to him. Whatever, Celestia and Luna wouldn’t miss this stuff anyway. And if they did, well, he didn’t actually care all that much. He brightened a bit when he pulled out Bananas, and Pinkie couldn’t help but grin at the sight of the plush. Then he looked around in confusion. “I could have sworn I had more luggage...”
He shrugged, then snapped his fingers, hoping to make the room a bit larger- it wouldn’t show on the outside, but this way he wouldn’t have to shrink down too much to live in it comfortably.
It expanded by a few square feet, at the most, and he felt a headache coming on.
He frowned, and snapped again.
Nothing happened.
Snap. Snap. Snap snap snap. Snapsnapsnapsnapsnap-
Finally, something happened, but it wasn’t what he wanted. A scroll appeared, with the royal seal- the right royal seal, according to Dinky- and unfurled itself. 
He read it and grit his teeth, before Pinkie hopped up to read it herself. 
“Celestia’s only giving you one tenth of your normal power? That’s not a lot...” she frowned, but perked up almost immediately. “But you did some really cool stuff with only that much power anyway, so it’s not so bad, right?”
He frowned. All he had done was simple parlor tricks, things most unicorns could do- was that all he was reduced to? What happened to being able to bend reality and the minds of ponies to his will?
“Aw, cheer up, Dissy!” she smiled, nudging him. “Once Celestia realizes that you’re all good, and you prove it to her, she’ll give you your powers back for sure!”
Somehow, this didn’t make him feel all that much better.
Before he could mope, though, he felt Pinkie wrap her forelegs around his middle. He jumped, looking down at her in confusion. “What are you doing?”
“You seemed sad, and hugs always cheer me up!” she beamed. He looked at her in disbelief, gently prying her off. 
“Well... thank you, but I’d rather not.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” she was still so cheerful, he barely understood it. That wasn’t really such a bad thing, though.
Screwball chose this moment to burst into the room, looking a little frazzled, and completely covered in ectoplasm, but smiling all the same when she saw Discord. “You’re still here, Daddy!”
He raised a brow. “I told you I wouldn’t leave.”
“I know, I’m just glad!” she laughed, flopping down on her jello bed, giggling as she bounced slightly. “Daddy, where’s your bed? I’da thought you’d’ve already made a giant bouncy house or something! You want some ideas?”
He laughed. “No. I have plenty of ideas. I just can’t put any of them to use,” he handed her the letter, and she frowned.
“Celestia’s just a big dumb meanie!” she growled, crumpling up the note.
Discord nodded in agreement, but Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Nah, the Princess is really smart and nice! She just made a mean choice! That doesn’t mean she’s a meanie!”
Discord rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything, figuring it wasn’t worth the annoyance of a fight. Besides, he noticed in surprise, she hadn’t said she agreed with Celestia, and hadn’t gotten angry at Screwball. He doubted anypony else would have reacted the same way.
The filly brightened a little. “Here, daddy, let me make you a bed!” She concentrated with all her might, before poofing up an amazing bounce house, complete with slides and a ball pit. She beamed with pride, until she realized it was more Gummy sized then Discord sized. “I can fix it!” her eyes glowed and sweat lined her brow, before Discord stopped her.
“Don’t tire yourself out, alright?” 
“I never shoulda made a real ghost for use to catch, it took so much energy,” she said, drooping a bit.
Ah, that explained it. He hadn’t understood why Screwball couldn’t make a proper house, but expelling so much energy at much must have drained the poor thing- he doubted she was very well trained in her powers, after all, without another being of chaos around to teach her. 
Well, he’d soon fix that. 
“Aww, it’s okay, Screwy!” Pinkie laughed, putting an arm around the foal, smiling. “Lookit how much Gummy likes his new bed!”
The draconequus and the filly looked over at the toy-sized house, only to see a baby alligator in the ball pit, tail wagging slowly and unblinking eyes looking in separate directions.
“He does like it, huh?”
“Yeah, I haven’t seen him this happy since his birthday party!” she grinned, and the filly laughed and nodded in agreement.
If this was what the thing looked like when excited, Discord could only imagine what he looked like when he wasn’t.
When the two mares had stopped giggling, Screwball asked, “So where’s Daddy gonna sleep?”
“Hmmmm...” Pinkie frowned. “Oh! I got it!” she zoomed over to her bed, and moved it right next to Screwball’s, so the jello mattresses were flush with one another. “See! Now it’s big enough!”
He raised a brow. “But where will you sleep?”
“On here, silly! All’ve us will sleep there, like a slumber party!”
No. No, no, no. Sleeping in the same room as Pinkie was strange enough, but in the same bed? That wasn’t happening.
“I don’t think that would be proper, Pinkie.”
“Then where are you gonna sleep?” she asked.
He sighed. “The floor, I suppose. It can’t be as bad as stone.” He started to curl up on the ground.
Pinkie looked horrified. “But- but... You can’t sleep on the floor! It’s not even a trampoline anymore, it’s just plain wood!”
He shrugged. “Well, if I had my magic, that wouldn’t be an issue, but it is what it is.” He wasn’t sure why he was even a little bit alright with this, but he figured it had something to do with his lack of energy.  
Pinkie continued to frown, but wasn’t sure what she could do to change his mind. “Well, if you’re sure...” she sighed and looked at Screwball. “Did you finish all your homework?
“Well...” Screwball was now perched on top of her father’s head. “Kinda?”
“Let’s see...”
Screwball sighed and took a packet out of her saddlebag. “I didn’t know these ones.”
Discord snatched the packet out of her hooves. “Celestia, Luna, diamond dogs, 3 square root two, theta to the power of pi, salmonella, green fur, ursa minor, Princess Platinum, Cloudsdale, Brave Sir Robin, the Holy Grail.”
He handed the packet back and watched as his daughter scribbled all the answers down. Pinkie Pie frowned. “Discord, you can’t just tell her the answers!”
He frowned. “And why not? Helping your child is what a good parent does!” he grabbed his filly and looked at Pinkie indignantly.
“Yeah!” Screwy nodded.
“Well, yeah, but you’re not helping her! Do you understand why those answers are right?”
“Yes!” Screwy chirped, before putting a hoof to her chin. “Well, actually, no.”
“So what’re you going to do when it’s on a test? Twilight taught me that if you don’t know the material really well, you won’t do well on tests, and showed me how to study better! I didn’t really need to know that, but it was good to learn, because you do!” she took the packet. “Here, let’s go over the stuff you don’t know, okay?”
Discord sighed, resting his head on his lion paw and rolling his eyes. “But Pinkie, that’s so boring.”
“Well then I’ll make it fun! We can make it a game!” she grinned, scanning the packet. Discord listened as Pinkie and Screwball went over the packet, groaning. He felt his eyes start to droop as they studied, although every so often he’d smile at a quip or a joke Pinkie made to help Screwy remember. 
But he couldn’t help sleep from washing over him, as it had been a pretty long day, and he held Bananas in the crook of his arm and drifted off.
When he woke up, he found it to be dark out. It seemed like dinner had already happened, judging from the tomato sauce on Pinkie’s face, and he was slightly alarmed to find she had not only given him a pillow and a blanket, which wasn’t so bad in itself, but both she and Screwball were snuggled up in his coiled frame. He went to move Pinkie, at least, but found that any movement caused her to stir and frown. Not wanting to wake her up, he resigned himself to his fate, putting his head back down. 
It wasn’t so bad, in all honesty. It was warm and cozy, and she smelled of cotton candy, which he found he liked. Screwball mumbled in her sleep, and he smiled softly, tightening his coiled body slightly. Both mares smiled, and he found himself smiling a bit as well, putting his head back down on his paw. “Goodnight, my dears...”
He drifted back into sleep, his ears twitching like a dog’s, barely registering Pinkie’s voice as she smiled softly, opened one eye, and whispered, “Good night, Dissy.” She snuggled back into him, holding him happily.
The jello bed lay forgotten.
> Reformation Discussion
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“Okay, girls, we need to be careful about this,” Twilight looked at the girls behind her, turning around and facing them. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as she thought- the building was still standing, after all. Still, it hadn’t even been 24 hours, so it wasn’t saying all that much. “Remember, we need to make sure Pinkie knows that we trust her, and think she’s responsible.”
“Yeah, yeah, Twilight, we know,” Rainbow rolled her eyes and flapped her wings lazily. “It’s Discord we don’t trust, not her.”
“I know that, and all of you know that, but she might not see it that way. We need to make sure she knows we’re offering this to her as a precaution, not because we doubt her,” the purple mare held up the book with the reforming spell in it.
“Aw, don’t worry about it too much, Twilight. Ah’m sure she’ll just be thankful fer the help, s’long as ya don’t mention the word ‘responsibility,’” Applejack smiled, shrugging. Fluttershy and Rarity both smiled and nodded in agreement.
Twilight smiled at the reassurance and opened the door to Sugarcube Corner.
It was filled, which was to be completely expected, as it was breakfast time. Unsurprisingly, breakfast was the busiest time of day for the bakery, and the girls watched for a few seconds as Pinkie zipped around, handing out muffins and croissants and even a few cupcakes and milkshakes, giving each customer their order with a bright, warm smile. When Pinkie saw them, however, she stopped in her tracks, and her already enormous smile grew bigger. 
“Hiya, girls!” she bounced over happily, a tray of muffins in her mouth. “Are you here to taste the new muffin recipe? You wanna get a table? Or I can get you the booth! Or I could split you up so some of you get a table and some get a booth, but I don’t think-”
“Actually, Pinkie, we wanted to talk to you,” Twilight said gently, cutting off her perpetually overexcited friend.
Fluttershy squeaked, “U-unless this is a bad time... Is this a bad time? It is, isn’t it?”
“Nope!” Pinkie beamed. “Mrs. Cake said I could take a break to eat a few minutes ago, so I’ll just join you guys!” she led them to a table and set down the strange, purplish muffins. “You really should try these, they’re great! I’ll be back in a second.” Pinkie walked up to the counter. “Mrs. Cake, I’m taking my break now!”
“Okay, dear, just keep an eye on the clock!” Mrs. Cake smiled. The girls noticed she seemed a bit more tense than usual, but honestly, they couldn’t blame her. After all, having to play host to the spirit of disharmony had to be at least a bit nerve wracking.
Pinkie grinned and grabbed a few more pastries and drinks to share with her friends, before she hopped back and joined them at the booth, grabbing a muffin and shoving it into her mouth. “So, what’s goin’ on?”
Rarity took a muffin gingerly and started to unwrap the paper cup, taking a small bite. The taste was very, very strange- sweet and tangy, with a bit of a kick. She couldn’t tell what was in it, precisely, but it wasn’t bad. “Pinkie, darling, what’s in this, if you don’t mind me asking?”
She shrugged. “I dunno! You’ve gotta ask Screwy! I mean, you can’t ask her now, since she’s at school, but I’ll bet you can ask her later!” She put a hoof to her chin. “Or you can ask Dissy, he helped a bit, too!”
Rarity’s eyes widened and she stopped mid-bite. “...Discord made these?”
“Weeellllll, kinda. He really just poofed up hot sauce for Screwball to use,” she smiled. When Rarity put the muffin down, she frowned. “Aren’t you gonna eat that?”
“No, I’ve found I’ve... lost my appetite.”
Pinkie blinked. “Oh, well. More for me!” she laughed and downed the rest of the muffin.
“Actually, that was what we wanted to talk to you about,” Twilight started. 
“The muffins?” Pinkie cocked her head to the side inquisitively. “Why would you wanna talk about the muffins, Twilight?”
“No, no, we wanted to talk about Discord-”
“Where is he, anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked, bristling a bit. Her question was answered not a second later when a loud crash and a small explosion resounded through the bakery, coming from Pinkie’s room. The Cakes jumped, and looked up nervously, but shook themselves and continued working.
“Uh, Pinkie?” Applejack looked at her fellow Earth pony, concerned. “Ain’t ya gonna go see what that is? If that was Discord, he coulda done just about anythin’ up there...”
“Nah, it’s all good!” Pinkie said. “I made him Pinkie Promise not to mess with any room other than mine, and not to hurt anypony or anything!” she laughed. “Don’t worry, if he does anything bad,” her expression turned a bit dark. “I’ll know.” she giggled, her demeanor changing and brightening. “Besides, he doesn’t have all that much power, since Celestia did some spell on him, so he can’t have done too much. It’s kinda sad, he gets really, really tired if he tries anything big!”
“Oh, well that’s a relief,” Twilight smiled, taking a tentative bite of one of the purple pastries. “I’m a bit surprised Celestia went to that length, but I suppose the benefit of having him under control outweigh any risks.”
“Risks?” Fluttershy asked, eyes widening. 
“Well, yes. Magic draining spells can be really dangerous. Not so much for the casters, more for the subjects. But it’s less dangerous the more magic one has, especially if you leave them with a fraction of their magic still in their possession, so since Discord’s basically a god, and he still has some power left, he should be fine.”
Applejack shuddered. Twilight looked surprised. “Something wrong?”
“Ah dunno. Ah don’t like Discord more’n any of you girls... ‘cept Pinkie, I guess, but... usin’ dangerous magic on anypony just gives me the willies.”
“If it helps reign Discord in, then what’s the big deal?” Rainbow asked, rolling her eyes. “Besides, the Princess knows what she’s doing.”
“Ah never said she didn’t, Rainbow!” She stomped her hoof on the table, annoyed.
Fluttershy quivered. “Um, girls? I don’t think we should be fighting like this... we should really stay on topic...”
“You’re completely right, Fluttershy,” Rarity nodded. “We should get back to the matter at hoof."
"Right," Twilight nodded affirmatively, placing the book she'd brought on the table.
Pinkie looked at the tome curiously. "Whatcha got there, Twilight?"
Twilight levitated the book and started to flip through it, stopping when she got to the spell she was looking for. "Now, we trust you completely, I want you to know that," Pinkie nodded, and the unicorn continued, "but I thought you might want a backup, just in case dealing with Discord doesn't go as planned. This is a reforming spell, and-"
"No."
Twilight stopped, and the girls looked at her, shocked.
"Why ever not, Pinkie?" Rarity asked, blinking.
"Because if we use a spell, then what's the point in trying to help him and be his friends? I don't wanna make him do anything, I want him to do it because he wants to! I want him to like us and be happy and everything because that's what he really feels like! I'm not going to use a spell." She looked very firm, something that didn't really fit Pinkie all that well.
"Ugh, Pinkie, come on!"
"No, Dashie. I'm not using magic. It's just not fair, and it isn't right."
Twilight blinked, and cleared her throat, putting the book down. "Well... Okay. Just remember we have the spell if you ever change your mind."
"Thanks, Twilight. But I won't."
Surprisingly, Fluttershy was the first to speak. "So, um, do you have any ideas about how to change Discord, then?"
Pinkie shook her head cheerily. "Nope!"
"What?" Twilight's eyes widened. "Then why are you-"
"Because I'm not going to change him, silly!"
"But that's what you're supposed to do!" Rainbow exclaimed, exasperated.
Pinkie blinked in befuddlement. "No it's not. I'm supposed to reform him. That doesn't mean I need to change him! I just gotta be his friend, and he'll change on his own. You all did."
Twilight looked at her, slightly appalled, and kind of offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, when we all became your friends, you were grumpy and you only cared about your studies and you didn't even want any friends! And we didn't make you change any of that! We still know that your studies are really super important to you! And we still know that family and the farm come first for Applejack, and that she can be super stubborn, we totally respect Rarity's business and we get that she throws herself into her work and into maintaining her image, we don't wanna keep Dashie's heads out of the clouds and we try and help with her dreams, and know she can get a bit hotheaded, but we love her anyways, we don't try and push Fluttershy more than she can take it, and we totally get that there are some things that she doesn't wanna do and we don't get angry or annoyed at her for it. But that doesn't mean we haven't still all improved! Twilight's friendlier and more social, Applejack's more willing to accept help, Rarity's less worried about her image, Dashie's more humble, and Fluttershy's more bold and confident! And you guys help me be my best, too! You help me slow down, and stop me from getting really worried about small stuff, and make me feel more secure! We make each other the best we can be, and we help each other out with our flaws and problems, but none of us force it onto each other. That's not what friends do. I'm not gonna just force him to change. What would be the point in trying to be his friend, if I'm gonna make it so he's not even really himself?"
Applejack sighed, then smiled softly, shaking her head. "Now, all that's true, and it's a real sweet thought, sugarcube, but Ah reckon this is a bit different. We all have our flaws, sure, Ah ain't denyin' that, but-"
"But we never tried to destroy Equestria, darling," Rarity interrupted, frowning.
"And we're not completely evil!" this, unsurprisingly, came from Rainbow.
The party pony frowned. "Dissy isn't either! He's not really nice or anything, but he's not evil."
"Pinkie, he hurt a lot of ponies-"
"No, he didn't! Nothing he did actually really hurt anypony but us!" She looked at all her friends. "Yesterday, he was talking to the CMC, and he said something that made me put my thinking cap on. He really really thought that everything he did was okay- he was talking about how much he was helping everypony, except us! I don't think he knows what he did was really that bad. He might not really care if he found out, but he seemed super duper convinced that  everything he did was okay! He was talking about how Big Mac seemed happy as a dog, and Granny Smith was happy dancing around, and how it was good that Applejack's apples were bigger and there was popcorn everywhere..."
Rainbow's eye twitched slightly. "So he thought what he was doing was good?! He's even crazier than I thought!"
"Actually..." Twilight thougt for a second. "That might make sense. I've actually been reading about different moral codes, and I wouldn't be surprised if Discord's morality was a little skewed... He might even qualify as having blue and orange morality!" She looked thrilled at the prospect, but everypony else seemed confused.
"Blue an' orange what now?"
"Blue and orange morality," the unicorn explained. "Most ponies see things in black and white, with shades of gray. They know what society deems as right, what it deems as wrong, and what falls into gray area depending in the circumstances. They might have differing opinions on certain things, or choose to ignore what's right, but they know what it is. Their moral compass makes sense, but someone with blue and orange morality might not see things as right and wrong at all. They might see things and right, wrong, and... Tuna fish!"
"I-I'm sorry, Twilight, I don't understand..." Fluttershy said, hiding behind her salmon locks.
"Makes sense to me!" Pinkie chirped.
"No, Fluttershy, you're right. You shouldn't understand. It doesn't make sense! That's what I'm getting at! Discord might have a morality that is literally incomprehensible to ponies! The reason he wouldn't feel bad about the stuff he does, the reason he can justify his actions to himself, is that they fit into his moral code! His morals might make him believe that everything he's doing is okay!" She clapped her hooves excitedly. "Pinkie Pie, you're a genius! This could lead to an understanding of not only him, but draconequui as a whole, if this is true!"
Fluttershy blinked. "Draconequui? You... You mean that he's not the only one? He's a part of a whole species?!" He wings fluttered with excitement as the prospect. "Oh my gosh, that might just be the most amazing thing I've ever heard! A whole species I never even knew about!"
"Hold it, Flutters," Rainbow said, "Discord isn't just some animal you can study- I know you've dealt with dragons before, but this guy's a whole different kind of dangerous."
"And besides, he's the last known draconequus left," Twilight shrugged, taking a bite of a muffin. "So there's really no 'species' to study. It would just be interesting to know, for historical context. After all, they were an important part of Equestrian history, but historians never really understood their society. Nopony did. But knowing the moral code of the species would be an excellent step to take in deciphering them..." She took another bite. "You know, it'd be really fascinating to talk to him about all this. I wouldn't be able to trust him, or what he says, of course, but it would be an interesting talk all the same."
Fluttershy and Pinkie both looked at Twilight, eyes wide.
"He's... He's the last one left? Oh that's horrible!"
"Aw, c'mon, Fluttershy, for all we know it was all his fault!"
"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie's gaze turned steely. "How could you even say that?"
"Besides, that wouldn't make sense. According to all accounts I've ever read, the draconequui all disappeared 10000 years ago. Discord's maybe 10500, 10600, maybe, by most historical estimations, so he'd have been a toddler, basically. A bit older than the twins, actually," Twilight took a sip of her drink. "Can you imagine Pound and Pumpkin destroying a whole species?" 
"An evil Pound and Pumpkin? Why not?"
Twilight quirked a brow.
"... Okay, maybe not."
"Speaking of children, I have a question for Pinkie," Rarity looked at Pinkie. "Obviously you won't be able to hide Discord from Ponyville forever, and I doubt you actually want to-"
"Nope! Why would I do that, silly?"
"Uh... So ya don' cause panic?" Applejack's eyes widened. "Yer... Yer not plannin' to throw him a party, are ya?"
"Well, I was thinking about it, but I think it'll be better to have a super duper big party once he's reformed to celebrate! That way we can have one big 'welcome to Ponyville and we're so glad you're good now' party!" 
"... Well, I'm sure it will be lovely," Rarity nodded. "But I was going to ask if you were going to allow Screwball to continue to call you her mother."
She blinked. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, obviously word is going to get out who her father is..."
Pinkie nodded.
"And if she's calling you her mother, and she's calling Discord her... father, ponies may make... Assumptions..." She cleared her throat. "Now, I know that your image isn't exactly your top priority, but I'm sure you don't want to give off the impression that you and Discord..." She grimaced. "...Have a child together..."
"But we do," Pinkie said, confused.
"Yes, but Screwball isn't actually your filly..."
"Now, Rarity, that ain't fair. Blood has t'do with kin, but kin has nothin' t'do with blood. Screwball's Pinkie's filly just as much as Applebloom's my sister... And as much as Scootaloo is Dash's. You'd never say that Scoots ain't her sister, would ya?"
"Of course I wouldn't!" Rarity looked appalled.
Applejack gestured with her hoof, as if to say, "See?"
"Alright, point taken," the cream-colored unicorn sniffed. "But that doesn't mean ponies won't assume things."
The pink mare quirked a brow. "Like what?"
"... Well, darling, people still may think she's... Biologically yours. You must have heard those nasty rumors, since she looks so much like you."
She laughed. "She's not biologically anypony's! She's just chaos magic!" Then she stopped. "And anyway, would that even be possible?"
Fluttershy perked up. "Oh, I'm not sure! Wouldn't that be fascinating, though? Would the offspring be more pony like, or more draconequus like?"
"I dunno! Twilight, what do you think?"
"I'm confused and a bit disturbed that we're discussing this... Theoretically, though, it should be possible. It would actually be a very interesting thing to research, especially if we could actually produce a hybrid, but it really wouldn't be an ethical study..."
"Why are you all still talking about this?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, horrified.
"Well, any new species is important to study, and these are the sort of things you need to consider when you find one," Fluttershy explained.
"It's still creepy!"
Twilight shrugged. "It's biology... Sort of."
"Ah gotta agree with Dash here. This is really creepy."
"Well, I find it quite flattering, personally," came a familiar voice. The girls looked up to see that the light fixture above the had transformed into a very familiar draconequus. Ponies in the bakery took notice, and many of them screamed, cowered or left the bakery. Discord simply cackled.
"Discord!" Twilight glared at him, horn alight. "How long have you been there?"
Discord blinked. "Something about Pinkie having no idea how to reform me. Why?"
"Dissy, you can't just spy on other ponies!" She pouted. "And I do too have an idea!"
"Ah, yes, being my friend," he rolled his eyes and crossed his mismatched arms. "Before I open that can of worms," unsurprisingly, he produced a literal can of worms, which was currently sealed tight, "I have to ask- why I can't eavesdrop? I don't like being left out, you know..." He scowled.
"Because that's not how you find things out, you silly filly! You ask other ponies what you wanna know! I'd have told you, if you wanted."
"Hmmm," he stroked his beard. "I hadn't thought of that..."
Rainbow Dash scoffed.
"Now, now, Rainbow, don't be rude," Discord tapped her nose. "Although I'm sure that will prove to be quite the challenge for you."
"Dissy..."
"What? I'm just being honest!" He smirked and looked to Applejack. "I'm sure you can appreciate that, at least, my dear?"
"Ah don't appreciate nothin' that comes from you."
Pinkie nudged Discord. "Honesty's a good start, but ponies don't really like it when you're really blunt like that!"
The chimera looked annoyed. "Ponies don't like bluntness, ponies don't like riddles... It's not my fault you don't like me, you're impossible to please!"
"Aw, don't worry, you'll figure it out!"
"And until you do, I'm out," Rainbow scowled. "I should get to work anyway."
The other girls nodded, and, yet again, started to cite reasons they had to go. 
"You know, I'm offended," Discord "pouted," "I thought you were all trying to be my friends."
"Yeah, yeah," Dash rolled her eyes. "Look, Pinks, can we talk for a second?"
"Sure!" She smiled and followed Rainbow to the doorway. "What's up?"
The Pegasus looked concerned. "Why do you keep cutting him slack? You know he doesn't deserve it..."
She looked at her friend seriously. "Everypony deserves a little slack-"
"Pinkie-"
"And he kinda reminds me of me as a filly."
Dash stopped. "Pinkie, you can't be serious. There is no way that-"
"When I first got my cutie mark and realized that I could make ponies laugh and smile with my parties, I was so, so excited! I was having so much fun, that I threw parties every day! I thought that my family was, too- every day I had more and more fun, did more and more to make them happy and smiling and laughing!" Her smile quivered. "But... I was having so much fun, I didn't think about anypony else. I just figured that if I was happy, Ma and Pa and Inkie and Blinkie and Maude were, too. But... They weren't. I spent so much time with baking and parties and pranks that I wasted time they needed for upkeep on the farm. They liked my parties, but I was doing too much... So much that they started hating my parties. I- we still don't celebrate things together as a family. Not because they don't like me, but because they don't like the kind of fun I have. I went too far with it, and..." She frowned. "The things Dissy did weren't bad, just like my parties aren't bad. There was just too much of it."
Rainbow Dash blinked. "... You're sure?"
"I am."
Dash sighed. "Then I'm behind you, okay? I just... I don't trust him."
The party pony smiled. "That's okay! You just gotta trust me!"
She nodded, then yelled back to Discord, who was busy occupying himself at the booth, "You watch your step, pal!"
"Who, me?" He fluttered his suddenly overly long eyelashes and stuck out his bottom lip. "You wound me, Rainbow Dash!"
"Pfft, good." The pony turned hoof and left then, giving one last look to the draconequus.
Discord glared right back, turning to Pinkie, the moment she was gone. "How do you stand those ponies, Pinkie Pie? They're so droll..."
"Aw, they're not so bad, they're just worried!" She looked at the sealed tin can. "So, about that can of worms?"
"Ah, yes, that," he snapped, opening the can. Worms wriggled out, very much alive, but also of the gummy variety. Both pony and draconequus popped a piece in their mouth, before he continued. "I'm just surprised how confident you are."
"Of course I am!"
"Especially since you basically admitted right in front if me that you only want to be my friend to reform me," he continued, placing another gummy in his mouth. 
She blinked. "No, I didn't say that! I-"
"I'm not sure I want to be friends with anypony who doesn't truly want to be my friend. I can't say I'm surprised, of course, but-"
"Dissy, I wanna be your friend!"
"Oh you do?" 
"Yes!"
"Because it seems to me like you're only doing this to make me change sides-" 
"If I was only doing that, then why did I visit you for months in the gardens, before you being reformed was even mentioned?"
He blinked. He... Hadn't thought of that.
And he actually meant it this time.
"Hmmm..." He furrowed his brow. "I'm really not sure..."
"See?" She smiled triumphantly. "I really, really, really, really, really actually wanna be your friend! Pinkie Promise!"
His eyes widened. 
She Pinkie Promised?
Now that... That was serious business, that was!
"Well then, that changes things."
"Really?" She looked at him hopefully.
"No." Yes. He scowled at the little voice in his head. "But you surprised me, Pinkie. I'm impressed."
She smiled.
"Soooo..."
He rolled his eyes. 
"You're more tolerable than you already were. Which was already very tolerable," he shrugged. "As opposed to everypony else, I mean."
...Well, it was a start.
> Sometimes A Lie...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Even the spirit of chaos and disharmony knew that it was an unwritten law that it was absolutely inexcusable to be up at two thirty in the morning.
Especially to be not just up, but up and dancing and singing and baking.
So if Discord, who didn’t understand most of pony society and their strange, unwritten rules, understood this, why couldn’t Pinkie Pie? 
Discord had learned, within a few days of experience, that Pinkie was a morning pony. And it wasn’t just that she's not pissy in the mornings, she literally wakes up at the crack of dawn and starts singing loudly and bakes cupcakes and thinks that that's totally okay and not possibly annoying to anypony that is, for whatever ridiculous reason, trying to sleep at two or three am.
The Cakes were used to it. The twins were used to it. Screwball was used to it. Even the neighbors were used to it.
Discord was not used to it.
Now Discord, of course, loved chaos. It was in his name, for pony’s sake. And getting up at three am and singing was certainly chaotic.
But, somehow, the draconequus couldn’t find it in him to like this particular form of chaos. Mostly because it disrupted his sleep, something he sorely needed to catch up on.
And now his sleep pattern was thrown off- more than usual, at least. So, he found himself awake at midnight, before even Pinkie, head aching.
He had so many headaches recently, due to his lack of power. He kept forgetting it, and would try to do something big, only to have sharp pains enter his noggin.
Now, he knew that it could have been far worse- the side effects of draining magic could be fatal, and he was pretty lucky to have only gotten off with a few bad migraines.
That didn’t mean he had to like it, though.
He groaned, shifting slightly, glancing out the window. He hadn’t even done that much yesterday. 
The headache had started when he decided that Screwball should learn to make a cotton candy cloud. It was simple enough magic, so that wasn’t the real point. It was more to see how well she could focus her energy. He wasn’t sure how stable his daughter was yet, and leaving her to her own devices magic wise could prove to be disastrous.
A big part of Discord was perfectly fine with that, in all honesty. It would likely be fun to watch, and he doubted Screwball would actually hurt herself, so he didn’t have too many concerns.
Untapped chaos magic, though, could be really harmful, and might even kill somepony, which he doubted Pinkie would like very much, so he’d decided he might as well try to keep her under control.
Sort of.
To an extent...
Well, he’d do what he could to make sure there wasn’t any carnage or dead ponies, but that was it.
It was still something, right?
But the whole cotton candy plan, obviously, didn’t work out, to everypony’s disappointment. (Including Pinkie, who now had a giant swizzle straw and nothing to do with it.) 
Reduced to the point he couldn’t even create a cloud or some chocolate syrup.
Pathetic.
Anger bubbled in his stomach at the very thought.
In fact, he decided, he was going to give Celestia a piece of his mind!
Yes, he’d teleport over to the castle and-
Wait.
He grumbled in annoyance. He couldn’t do that... his power had recharged a quite a bit since the whole cotton candy incident, but it was still nowhere close to being powerful enough to get him to Canterlot.
How was it that the ponies were in contact with Tia again? His eyes drifted towards the window, locking on a big oak tree in the distance. The windows were illuminated despite the ridiculous time, and he could see the faint outline of a unicorn hunched over a large book.
... Right, Twilight had that little dragon of hers, didn’t she?
And if she was up, he was sure her slave was up.
He grinned. It was early, yes, but he wasn't going back to bed at this point. And Twilight was up.
Besides, her home was a public library, wasn’t it? And he, of course, was the public.
Twilight couldn’t have any objections to an Equestrian citizen visiting their public library, now could she?

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

She could, and she did.
“Discord, it is midnight. What in Celestia’s name are you doing in my home?”
Discord ignored her question. “Is Fax Machine up? I need to send Celestia a letter.”
Her eye twitched. “Fax Machine?”
“Yes, your little dragon slave.”
“Spike isn’t my slave! And no, he’s not up, he’s a baby dragon. He needs his sleep! It’s late,” she grit her teeth. “Meaning the library is closed. So get out.”
“Now, Twilight, is that any way to treat a friend?”  
“Yes, it is, when they barge into your house in the middle of the night! This is a ridiculous time, and  you know it! Only insane ponies are up right now.”
“Like you?”
“Yes, like- hey!” she scowled. “I happen to be doing research! What were you doing?”
Again, he ignored her question, instead looking at the book she was reading. He smirked. “Twilight, I’m flattered! Am I really so fascinating that you have to study late into the night about me?” he held up the book, which was currently on a page about his “reign of terror.”
She grumbled, snatching the book from his grip. “If I’m going to have to spend time with you, I should at least know about you. It’s called research.”
He grabbed the book right back, flipping through it, laughing. “Well, I can’t say this is going to be very helpful!”
“Why not?”
“Well, my dear, it’s all wrong! The bits on me, my species, my rule- it’s flawed at best, and utter trite at worst!” he cackled. “It’s hilarious!”
“What’s wrong about it?” she asked, looking up at him.
He blinked, surprised. “What?”
“You said it’s wrong, so enlighten me. I take my studies very seriously, Discord, and if there’s any chance for me to learn, I’m going to take it. Even if I have to learn it from you.”
“Really?” he cocked a brow, not believing a word of it. 
“Really.”
“Then will I be allowed to send my letter?”
“Fine, sure,” she shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“Hmm,” Discord nodded approvingly. “Fine. Where should I begin?”
“You said you grew up with Celestia and Luna, but there’s no historical evidence of that. Start there.” she whipped out a quill and a piece of parchment, prepared to take notes.
“Very well,” he snapped his fingers, and the picture of him in the book peeled off the page, changing shape until it was a much younger, much more innocent version of the draconequus. The figure pranced around and Twilight looked at it with interest, especially once other draconequui joined him.
“I wasn’t the only one to be adopted by the royal family. The King found a few of us draconequui when we were pups... Loki, Clutter, Bedlam, the twins, Topsy and Turvy, Entropy, myself, of course, and my sister, Eris...” he pointed to each little creature in turn as it joined him, smiling softly when it got to a tiny female draconequus that Twilight could only assume was his sister. She was scribbling down notes feverishly, glancing up every so often to look at the figures. She noted, with interest, that although draconequui all had the same assortment of parts, they weren’t from the same animals. There were butterfly wings and zebra tails and things she couldn’t identify, but certainly weren’t on Discord. Structurally, though, they all remained the same. “We had been separated from our parents during the war, I assume. I can’t say I really remember.”
“But you said-”
“I’m getting to it, don’t get your horn in a twist. I don’t remember precisely what happened, but I can still tell you a bit, I’m just not there yet.”
She scowled, but nodded, and motioned for him to go on. 
“We were the only draconequui left, it seemed. Father knew that we had to be taken care of, or balance would be disrupted-”
“Why would balance be disrupted?”
He looked at her flatly. “I was getting there. Ponies, as you may or may not know, represent harmony. Draconequui, on the other hand, represented disharmony.”
“But if you guys were all gone, wouldn’t the world just be really harmonious?”
“No. Too much of anything is a bad thing- without chaos, there would be no progression, no moving forward. How many brilliant scientific discoveries, how many bonds and friendships, how many leaders and creative inspirations came from unrest, from an accident, from chaos?”
“Hmmm,” she rubbed her chin. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“Good. So we were necessary, and we were taken in. Our very presence in Equestria was enough to keep the balance, so Father-”
“King Solaris, right?”
“Yes, very good, I’m glad you’re keeping up,” he rolled his eyes. “So Father decided to raise us as his own, in the hopes to curb our chaotic nature. He didn’t want more disharmony than was absolutely necessary, after all.”
She watched as the creatures grew in front of her, their stubby bodies elongating to become more serpentine, fangs growing in, faces maturing. She noticed, for the first time, that the Princesses had joined them, and they seemed to be getting along. It was beyond strange to see any version of Celestia, child or not, getting along with Discord.
Somehow, it didn’t seem as strange with Luna.
“So, you all got along?”
“Ah, we had our fights, of course- I practically tormented them, but isn’t that what a big brother does?”
“Well, that’s not what Shiney did, but-”
“Then you and your brother have a very bland and boring relationship. Anyway, we fought, but it was generally all in good fun... until someone loses a fang." She noticed that the little Discord actually had two fangs, unlike the one I front of her. "Let me tell you, Twilight, never get Luna mad. She can throw a mean punch.”
“What happened?”
“Well, apparently it’s only funny when I turn Celestia’s coat pink-”
“You turned Celestia pink?”
“Eh, Eris and I were bored. It wasn’t as if it was hard. Father wasn’t happy, but Mother thought it was funny...”
“You mean Queen Selena?”
“Why do you keep asking questions you know the answer to?"
"Sorry..."
The chimera continued, looking a little ticked. "Anyway, we grew up together. Mother was always more forgiving,more willing to let Eris and I play pranks and let out our chaos magic. The others did, too, of course, we were just the closest to Mother."
"Why?"
"Because we frustrated Father the most, and she realized we needed affection from somewhere. Eris and I were the worst behaved- oh, Bedlam was a handful with his fits, and Loki was moody, and Topsy and Turvy were all over the place, Clutter was a mess... And Entropy could honestly just be frightening. But Eris and I- oh, the trouble we would get into! Often with Lulu's help, actually. She was quite the prankster as a filly."
He smiled at the little figures again, which were currently snickering as a very confused Celestia tried to stop her mane from melting all over her coat, as it was suddenly made of sherbet. 
The figures grew into adults. "She wasn't too bad of a prankster as a mare, either."
"Hey, wait, Discord, you just skipped a huge chunk of your life! What happened when you were a teenager?"
"I skipped it because draconequus puberty is quite frankly horrifying and I really didn't want to share it with you."
"It is?"
"Imagine pony puberty, which I know from Celly and Lulu is bad enough, mixed with goat puberty, mixed with dragon puberty, mixed with lion puberty, mixed with-"
"Okay, I get it, it's bad!"
He nodded, and continued with his stories, quite happy he hadn't had to recount his painful nights of headgear and his days of horrible acne and strange voice cracks. (Along with, of course, the wonderful things that came with being a mixture of different species, like wanting to show your dominance as a predatory animal by eating the parts of you that were not.)
Hey, puberty was bad for everypony.
He had finished telling her of Celestia's first real attempt to raise the sun that hadn't ended in horrible, near apocalyptic failure when she stopped him.
"So what happened?" She furrowed her brow. "Why did you try and take over Equestria if you were so happy?"
He sighed. "As a part of being in the royal family, I had access to any part of the library I wanted. As I got older, I, of course got curious as to where I had come from. Now, Mother and Father had never told me I was adopted, per se, but somehow I had figured it out."
Twilight couldn't help but laugh a bit at that.
"So I went digging. Now let me tell you, research is boring- oh, don't give me that face, it is- but I was curious. And I knew this wasn't something I could find out the easy way, with magic, or even with charm. Every time I brought up the subject with Mother, she would quickly change it, and I didn't dare to ask Father. He may have raised me, technically, but we never truly got along." He motioned to a younger looking version of himself, pouring over a large book. "After quite a bit of research, I found what I needed- a book not on draconequui, but on historical battles throughout history."
Her stomach clenched and a feeling of doom ran up her spine as he continued.
"Now, I knew there was a Great War between draconequui and ponies, and I knew that after that, the draconequui had disappeared. Mother had told us many times, and had made it sound like they had left Equestria, abandoning us. I trusted her well enough, but I still wanted to know why we had been left behind.
"That wasn't the truth. We had not been abandoned, we had been orphaned. The war wasn't ended in a stalemate, with our species moving to greener pastures, as this book would have you believe," he looked at the thing distastefully. "It was a slaughter. A deliberate plan to destroy any chance of disharmony in Equestria. All on Solaris' orders."
"You mean-"
"He didn't realize his mistake until it was too late, and there were only eight of us left, that he could find. So he took us in, raised us, tried to shape us into something we weren't- ponies. We had our royal duties, our royal purpose, just as Celestia and Luna did.
"Luna raised the moon, Celestia rose the sun, and we were supposed to raise Hell. Simply by existing."
"But your takeover!"
"I had been neglecting my royal duties far too long. I simply decided to fulfill them for once."
She looked at him, disbelief etched upon her face. "What about the others?"
"Clutter, Eris and Topsy joined me. They weren't as strong as I was magically- why, I don't know, it might have just been genetics, I might have been of royal birth, it might have been age. I was the oldest, after all. Or there might have been no reason at all. Turvy, Bedlam and Loki fought us, feeling that the family we had been raised into was more important than our species. Entropy hung in the sides, and she basically chose whichever side was doing the best at any given moment. My rule lasted maybe three years? Four? It was a tiny amount of time, really. I thought incapacitating Mother and Father would have bought me more time, but Celestia and Luna had other plans."
"Incapacitating them?"
"Oh, I didn't kill them. Entropy did that instead. As I said, she was rather frightening. I didn't want to hurt them... Maybe Father, but not Mother."
"So after you were defeated, what happened to the others? You're the only one left."
"This is all from what Luna told me before she was banished, so it may not be accurate, but this is what I understand. Celestia didn't know what to do, but she knew that Eris, Clutter and Topsy still posed a 'threat.' She was also worried about the others becoming a 'tyrant' like me, even those who had fought with her. So she and Luna drained their magic. All of it. They didn't see it coming, and couldn't fight back. " His gaze turned dark and he clenched his fist, watching as the images of Loki, Entropy, Topsy and Bedlam shattered. "Some of them didn't handle the process well."
Twilight gulped, afraid to ask what she really wanted to. "And the others? Your... Your sister?"
"They had no magic, and were faced at every turn with furious ponies who looked at them and only saw me, instead of them. They never stood a chance." He watched as the others shattered one by one, his eyes lingering on the figure if his sister.
She blinked, not sure what to say. She cleared her throat, though, and asked, "If you're just a draconequus, though, why do you call yourself a god?"
"Because I am one. I'm the only none of my kind left, the only one able to represent what we represented. Therefore, I have all the power of chaos. There's no one else to spread it to."
"So there are no other chaotic beings?"
"No, not in this world. There are minions of chaos in others, of course-" instead of little glass like figures, Twilight could now see strange creatures she had never seen before. "None of them truly represent it like I do, but they act on it. Some of them do it out of spite," a strange, tiny creature in a black t shirt could be seen, sitting in a dingy apartment, watching some sort of box with a scruffy kitten on his lap, yelling at a tall, bumbling man over the phone to "get over here, post haste! And also, shut up!" "some do it to spread joy to others," a pair of twins, the same creatures as before, but with fiery red hair and matching grins, selling strange candies and trinkets in a joke shop in a strange, magical alley, "some attempt it and are quite frankly disappointments," a small boy in a costume of tin foil laughed maniacally as he switched bowls of soup at a restaurant, claiming they would all rue the day they had dared to cross "Professor Chaos." He really did seem pathetic. "Some are hated for it," another pair of twins were shown, in red and white striped footie pajamas, looking down at a peaceful, overly picturesque town from their tower, grins on their pale, gaunt faces, "some are loved," surprisingly enough, Pinkie was shown, "some try to bring order but only bring trouble wherever they go," a tall man with crazy, spiky hair and a long brown coat ran into a blue box, "and some just want to be noticed." A strange, metal man tossed a fossilized dog into a pit of boiling lava as a red haired man gasped in horror. Twilight had the feeling that being noticed wasn't the only thing the robot wanted, but winced all the same.
"Can I send my letter now?" Discord asked, suddenly sounding very tired.
The unicorn shook herself and nodded. "O- of course, let me go get Spike..." She gave one final look to the draconequus, before heading up the stairs to wake the baby dragon.
Said baby dragon was not exactly thrilled to be woken up, especially when he found out why he was being woken up, but after a bit of grumbling and a promise for a large emerald, he appeared, glaring at Discord.
The draconequus brightened a bit and recited his letter, asking for a little more free reign with his powers, if only to help Screwball and prevent too many dead ponies and explosions. 
"Signed, your mindless puppet, Discord."
Spike groaned and wrote it down, before sending it off and shuffling back to bed.
"Thank you, Fax Machine!" he called after the dragon, before starting to leave.
"Discord?"
"Yes?"
"If this all true, if this is what happened... Why hasn't Celestia ever set it straight, gotten the story right?"
He looked at her, the began speaking. "You know, I never once told a lie in that labyrinth? Everything I said was true."
A non sequitur? She wasn't sure what else to expect from Discord, but she'd hoped to get a real answer.
"And like I said to Applejack," he continued. "Sometimes a lie is easier to take."
And with that, he was gone, leaving Twilight alone with a pile of notes, a grumpy baby dragon, and more self doubt than she had ever experienced before in her young life.
> Troublesome Twos
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	When Discord woke up, he wasn’t sure what surprised him more. The fact that he had actually fallen back asleep after talking to Twilight, the fact that the window showed that the sun was actually up, meaning Pinkie had let him sleep in for once instead of waking him up with singing, or the fact that there was currently a toddler beating his little hooves against the draconequus’s stomach, and another one gnawing on his horn.
He decided that the final thing was actually the most surprising. Wasn’t Pinkie supposed to be watching these menaces today? She’d said something about a baking convention... honestly, he hadn’t paid much attention.
But why wasn’t she... well, watching them?
He winced as Pound drummed on his belly, squirming slightly, and tried to pry the colt off without harming him. The child babbled and have him a gummy grin, reaching for his nose. He kept Pound in one arm, then reached out for Pumpkin. The filly whined as she was separated from the horn she had been teething on.
Even after a few days of living with them, he wasn't sure how to feel about the babies. They were awfully energetic and got into quite a bit of trouble, which he found amusing. He also had the sneaking suspicion they might have absorbed a bit of his chaos magic the last time he was around- the timeline added up, after all, as Mrs. Cake would have been pregnant then. 
And besides, how else could two Earth ponies have given birth to a unicorn and a pegasus? (Especially ones who were so potent with their abilities.)
Besides, and he found this the strangest, they really seemed to like him. Now, he never denied that he didn’t like children, (to an extent,) and never denied that children were generally better with him than their parents, but it still was strange to have ponies other than Pinkie Pie, Screwball and the CMC not looked completely terrified or angry at him.
His thoughts were interrupted by Pinkie’s frantic voice. “Pound? Pumpkin? Where’d you go?”
The little unicorn bubbled up into a tiny laugh, and the pegasus simply grinned, making no attempt to help Pinkie find them. Discord chuckled slightly as the colt shushed the filly, even though he was barely able to stop from giggling himself.
He knew that Pinkie was very serious about caring for these two- he’d heard many a horror story when he was still imprisoned of their near absurd ability to cause trouble and get away from the mare when she was supposed to be keeping an eye on them.
He really should tell her that they were just up in her room.
But then, on the other hoof...
“You two want to have a bit of fun?”
Pound and Pumpkin looked at him with wide eyes, blinking. The former squirmed in his arms and tried to smack his chest, while the latter took the opportunity to try and eat his beard.
He took that as a yes. 
Was this the right thing to do? No. Was this mean spirited? Yeah, probably.
But it would be funny, and after the talk he had last night, he could really do with a laugh, and screw the consequences.
Pound bapped his nose, little wings fluttering and buzzing as hard as they could. Discord rolled his eyes but placed both kids onto his head. Pumpkin immediately latched onto his horn and started gnawing, so he sighed and removed his horn, turning it into a large, twirled stick of candy and re-growing a new horn. It was surprisingly easy to do.
Huh.
The child gasped in delight, licked the candy- and immediately went back to gnawing the horn on his head.
Why did he even try?
He got down on all fours and started climbing up the wall like a salamander, the twins shrieking in glee and holding on- it wasn’t as if they really had to, though, he wasn’t about to let them fall. He’d make sure of that.
So when a he reached the top and there was less weight on his head, he felt his heart drop. He reached down, hoping to snag whichever twin had fallen before they could hit the ground. 
When he didn’t catch anything, he gulped, looking down at the ground, afraid of what he might see.
After all, he may have been a creature of chaos, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed physically harming ponies... not on purpose, at least.
He didn’t see anything.
He furrowed his brow, scanning the floor. He knew that one of the foals had fallen, he was certain...
So the last thing he needed was the other tumbling off, right?
Right.
So of course that was exactly what happened.
He whipped around when he heard a little giggle, watching in surprise as Pound purposely jumped off of the draconequus, beating his wings and joining his sister, who was-
No.
No, that wasn’t possible.
She was levitating herself.
That may have explained why she wasn’t on the floor, but that raised many more questions. A unicorn at that age shouldn’t be able to do anything close to that, she shouldn’t be nearly that advanced in her magic. Discord doubted if even Twilight Sparkle had been able to do this at her age.
These two were absurdly powerful.
Wait.
These two were absurdly powerful.
Oh, this would be fun.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

It was interesting to just be able to observe chaos instead of directly causing it. All he had really done was put them on the ceiling and ushered them out of the bedroom, then sat back and watched, casting a simple invisibility spell.
Somehow, that was easier then cotton candy clouds.
Well, he’d learned not to question chaos magic long ago.
“Pound, you get down here, young colt!” Pinkie looked up at the foal, her mane even more frazzled and frizzed than normal. He simply drooled in response, and Pinkie ducked, so the stream of saliva wouldn’t touch her. This baby chase had been going on for about an hour now, but it hadn’t gotten any less amusing, as the twins seemingly had boundless energy, and Pinkie had limitless ideas of how to catch them. She had somehow pulled a cherrypicker out of somewhere- he had to appreciate the creativity that mare possessed, really- and was halfway to the ceiling when Pumpkin floated down, actually dissolving into the floor.
Discord had to contain his laughter as Pinkie’s eyes widened and she groaned, trying to decide whether to try and catch the filly or the colt. She realized that at this point, she was probably closer to Pound, and started towards him... only to have him divebomb to the floor.
He landed with a skid and a little tumble, looking at the mare in surprise, waiting for her to react. She looked at him in concern, making her way back down to the floor. “Aw, are you okay, Pound?”
The colt sniffled, wobbling back to his feet- and immediately took off again.
	“Pound!”
She groaned again, galloping after him, stopping when she heard a shriek from downstairs. “Pumpkin?”
The draconequus couldn’t tell if the shriek was just a baby noise, or if the filly was in pain, so he slithered downstairs, grinning when he saw that the filly was not only fine, but had made her way into the supplies of buttercream frosting, and was currently eating all she could. It seemed that she had already guzzled down a piping bag’s worth of the stuff, and didn’t seem like she had any intention of stopping there.
A magically gifted unicorn filly with power fluctuations on a sugar high?
	Perfect.
	Pinkie dashed down the stairs, Pound buzzing behind, the tension leaving her body as she saw Pumpkin, even giving a little giggle.
“Alright, you- I’m not one to say no to frosting, but you already had breakfast, and you’ll get a tummyache if you-” she was interrupted as Pound dove to the ground again, landing, and jumping on the piping bags gleefully, spattering frosting everywhere.
Pinkie caught an impressive amount in her mouth, determined not to waste a drop of the sugary goop, but the walls were still covered in the stuff... and so was Discord. His long, snakelike body was now quite visible, dripping in a variety of colors.
Pinkie barely batted an eye at this. She looked at him, rose an eyebrow, and grabbed his tail in her teeth.
He yelped in pain as her teeth clamped on his tail, clawing at the ground. “Hey! Gentle- gentle, Pinkie Pie!” he stopped clawing at the floor, realizing it wasn’t really doing as much as he’d hoped. “Really, my dear, if you want something, you can just tell me. No need to be so forceful about it.”
She released him, then pointed at the twins. He took the opportunity to clean himself up a bit, turning the frosting to soda and shaking himself off like a dog. He was still a bit sticky, but infinitely cleaner. He turned his attention back to Pinkie and the twins, groaning when she went, “You’re helping.” Pumpkin was currently trying to eat a mixing spoon as Pound was busy smashing eggs under his itty bitty hooves.
“Now, whatever do you want me to do? They seem to be managing quite well on their own.”
She looked at him firmly. “Go upstairs, and start running a bath. They needed one before, but now they really need it.”
“But-”
“No buts! You helped them cause this mess, so you get to help clean it up!” to his surprise, she smiled. “You had your fun, right? And I think the twins did too! But it’s almost time for their nap, and we gotta clean everything up, and we gotta feed ‘em their bottles and give them a bath and calm them down. And since you didn’t help me  get them under control when they were flying around, you get to help me now.”
He blinked. “You knew I was watching you?”
“Nope! Well, my right ear was itchier than usual and my tail felt floppy, meaning somepony was watching me, but somepony’s always watching me! Sometimes they’re not even ponies! So I ignored it,” she shrugged, then beamed. He couldn’t fathom why she was so happy. “I’m actually really glad you were watching! ‘Cause I was so worried that whenever I was chasing after Pound, Pumpkin wasn’t being looked after, and vice versa! But since you were watching all of us, I know they were safe and sound!”
Huh. He hadn’t thought of it that way... “So you’re thanking me for not stepping in?”
“Well, no. It woulda been really super of you if you’d helped me out, but I’ll bet it was funny to watch me run around after them, even if it wasn’t actually fun to do, so I don’t blame you!” she wiped some frosting from her muzzle and gulped it down happily. She trotted to the twins, pulling Discord behind her. “Now whatever you do, Dissy, don’t say the ‘B’ word!”
The draconequus blinked, and, without thinking, asked, “You mean bath?”
Pinkie Pie looked at him in horror as the twins stopped what they were doing, looked at the pair of adults, and bolted. 
The mare whimpered, dashing after Pound. “You get Pumpkin!”
Discord started after the little unicorn, slithering and scrabbling around the kitchen, knocking things over and spilling flour and generally making a huge mess. He grinned when, after about fifteen minutes of this, he cornered the child- only for him to be nearly screaming in frustration when she teleported away.
It really wasn’t fun to be on the other end of this...
He groaned, deciding to start with Pinkie’s room- mostly because that was the least childproofed place in the house, thanks to his (and Screwball’s) modifications. Meaning that if she was in there, she needed to get out of there as soon as possible.
Fate seemed to have decided to give the draconequus a bit of a break, because he found the baby giggling to herself, bouncing on the mattress. He breathed a sigh of relief, tiptoeing over to the child and scooping her up. “I’ve got you!”
To his surprise, she giggled, batting at his beard. There was now frosting and flour and sugar all over the mattress, but, seeing as it was made of jello, it wasn’t too big of a deal. It was already edible, after all.
He hoisted the child over his shoulder. “Alright, let’s go,” he made his way into the bathroom, placing her in the tub. She looked up at him, hurt and betrayal in her eyes.
“Now, now, don’t look at me like that, my dear,” he held up a talon, then started to run the taps. She watched in wonder as liquids and soaps of all colors and textures and viscosities- and flavors, actually- bubbled through the taps, producing a rainbow of colors. “See? It’s not so bad.” she giggled, splashing the water with her little hooves. She reached for a bottle of shampoo and gummed on it, until Discord pulled it away. He was pretty sure that shampoo bottles weren’t good for foals. She looked at him, starting to get teary, so he poofed up a little rubber Celestia toy for her to chew on, beaming when she went straight for the alicorn’s squishy head. 
How precious.
He so hoped she would bite it off.
“Discord?” Pinkie had entered the bathroom, Pound in tow, and looked at the pair in shock, her voice hoarse. “You actually got her in the bath?” Pound looked alarmed at that word, and tried to flitter away, but she had quite the grip on the squirming pegasus. She placed him in next to his sister, smiling, although she looked very tired. “She’s not even crying or anything! You’re really, really good with them, Dissy!”
He raised an eyebrow, pretending to be offended, despite the fact he hadn’t actually done much other then placing her in and turning on the faucets. “You sound surprised, Pinkie.”
She shrugged, changing the colors in the taps to distract Pound, who still seemed a bit upset. “Yeah, a little. I shouldn’t be though, huh? You already said you like kids!”
He was about to answer when Pound smacked the water, creating a large splash, completely soaking the draconequus. He spluttered slightly, as Pinkie tried to contain her laughter. 
She couldn’t contain it for long, though, and soon enough she was in a fit of giggles. Discord looked at the mare in amusement, and did what any mature, ten thousand something year old deity would do in that situation.
He splashed her, so she was just as soaked as he was.
Blue eyes widened in shock, then sparkled mischieviously. She pulled out a huge water gun from... somewhere, and filled it up, spraying him in the face. The god grinned and pulled out a hose, spraying the mare. Pinkie, in return, pulled out a bucket and filled it up, swinging the water towards Discord, drenching him.
Well, the twins could see where this was going. They looked at each other and grinned, turning on all the faucets on the tub and shrieking with glee as the bathroom dissolved into a full fledged water fight. Shampoo was flung through the air, soap bubbles floated in the sky, the tub very nearly flooded, and a bar of soap came very close to being digested... and they had just gotten started. This would go down as the most amazing water fight ever, and everypony in the room knew it.
Alas, fate had other plans, and the history books were robbed of a very amusing battle by the sound of a doorbell ringing.
Pinkie screwed up her face in annoyance, and stopped pumping the water gun, tossing it to the ground. “Dissy, you watch them, okay? I’ll be right back. Oh, and soap their manes, please?”
The draconequus waved a hand, already trying to show the foals how to squirt water out of their mouths.
She trotted downstairs and opened the door. “Hi, I’m super sorry, but we’re not open now- oh, hi Twilight! Never mind. I mean, not never mind that we’re not open, because we still aren’t, but never mind because I don’t think you came here for that! Or maybe you did, but-”
“Why are you all wet?” the unicorn cut her off, quirking an eyebrow at her friend’s appearance.
“Oh, bath time! The twins got really messy-”
“Did you just leave them in the bath? Alone?!” the mare looked alarmed at the prospect, and was about to rush in when Pinkie stopped her.
“Of course not, silly filly! Dissy’s watching them!”
Twilight looked even more alarmed. “He’s doing what?!”
Pinkie shrugged. “He’s actually really good with them! He even got Pumpkin in the bath without her crying!”
Twilight looked at her in disbelief- that was a big deal. A very big deal. Pinkie had told Twilight about the many losing battles she had had with the twins, usually ending in her covered with flour and the twins being messier than they had been before. 
Discord getting even one of them in the bath without a fuss was... impressive, at least.
“And Pumpkin didn’t look... gray to you?”
All the good humor that had been on Pinkie’s face drained away as soon as she said that. “Discord didn’t manipulate Pumpkin. He didn’t discord a foal just to get her in a bath, Twilight.” she looked at Twilight, a little disgusted, to be frank. “And he didn’t discord me to say this either, before you ask.”
Luckily, Twilight had realized her mistake and was flushed with embarrassment. “I- I know. That was wrong of me to- no, he wouldn’t, I...” she looked at Pinkie, looking very small indeed. “I’m sorry.”
The mare nodded, and the normal smile returned to her face. The unicorn had to marvel at how quick the turnaround was, although she was grateful for it. “Apology accepted!” she laughed, then let her smile fade. “But you really shouldn’t say those sort of things.” then she perked up again. “So, why’d you some over anyway?”
“Oh!” she started, then opened her saddlebag, levitating a letter towards Pinkie. “It’s actually about Discord- he just has some mail, and I figured he’d want to read it. I know I would- I haven’t though, of course!” she assured Pinkie. “Not my business or my mail.” then she looked at Pinkie again, and cleared her throat. “I also wanted to tell him that...” she sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Pinkie Pie looked confused. “Well, I’m really glad you’re apologizing, but I don’t think he heard you-”
“No, it’s not about that. He’ll know what I mean. Tell him that... I still don’t trust him, and I don’t like him, but... I have a lot to think about. He gave me a lot to think about.”
Pinkie blinked, then nodded. “Okie dokie loki!”
Twilight looked at Pinkie again, then nodded. “Be sure to give that to him, alright?” then she turned on hoof and started on her way home.
Pinkie shrugged and popped the letter into her hair for safekeeping before hopping back up the stairs. 
“-I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your abstract view of things, Pumpkin, but I really have to be frank- it’s really not that good. You need creativity, too, not just abstraction, otherwise it just ends up a jumbled mess. And honestly, my dear, that isn’t any fun.”
Pinkie giggled, making her way over to the tub. “Whatcha doin’?” 
He motioned to the tub. “We were trying to make a model of Cloudsdale, but somepony doesn’t understand the difference between a beautiful, incomprehensible abstract view of the world and just a mess,” he glared down at the little unicorn as she moved the suds with her hooves. 
Pinkie raised a brow. “Well, maybe that’s right, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that she’s actually only a year old and just wants to play with bubbles!” 
Said child blew a little spit bubble in response. 
Pound, feeling left out, took the chance to cover his sister in suds. The filly blabbered and splashed the colt back. 
Discord grinned, reaching for his hose. So the water fight was back on, huh? Well, he’d-
“Alright, let’s get you two dried up!”
What. 
“Dissy, can you grab the towels?”
He blinked, then furrowed his brow, holding up the hose.
Pinkie looked at him regretfully. “Yeah, I know, that would have been the most awesometacular fight scene ever! But it’s almost one, and if the twins aren’t in bed by one, then we won’t have time to clean up before the Cakes get home! And if I don’t clean up they’ll think I’m a bad babysitter, and they’ll never let me watch the foals again!”
He groaned, grabbing the towels, practically pouting.
“Hey, cheer up, Dissy! Next time, we can have a really really big fight- maybe with hot sauce instead of water! ... But then if it gets in your eyes that would hurt... Chocolate milk maybe, or apple juice. Oooh, or pudding! We can have a giant pudding fight!”
He scooped up Pound, thinking. That did sound better than a water fight. “Fine. But we play by my rules.”
“Okay! What kinda rules are those?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I suppose we’ll just improvise.”
“Oh, those are the best rules!” she laughed, rubbing Pumpkin down until she was dry and warm and fuzzy.
He smiled in agreement, wrapping the towel around the colt, drying him off. Pound giggled and squirmed, cooing. It was disgustingly adorable. Discord grimaced. 
Pinkie laughed, rolled her eyes, took Pound and placed him on her back, carrying Pumpkin between her teeth. “Time for all good foals to go to bed!” she said, muffled. Pumpkin whined and Pound started to smack her back in annoyance, causing her to wince. “Pound, stoppit!” the foal didn’t stop, of course, making Pinkie ask, “Dissy? Lend me a hoof?”
Discord took the child in one talon, keeping a tight grip as he squirmed. He raised the pegasus so they were eye level, glaring at the boy. He prodded the child’s chest and spat out a simple, “No.”
The child laughed and let out a raspberry.
Again, Discord did what any mature god would do in that situation.
He blew one right back.
Feeling left out, Pumpkin joined them, and Pinkie laughed, shaking her head. “Okay you three,” she smiled, wrapping her tail around Discord’s slender form and pulling him behind her. “Let’s go!”
They made their way to the nursery, and Pinkie placed Pumpkin in her crib, latching it up and bundling in her covers, tucking the child in, singing softly. “There you all, safe and sound!” the filly whined, reaching for a large stuffed butterfly sticking out of her toybox. Pinkie smiled and went to go get the toy, leaving Discord to tend to Pound.
The chimera plopped the baby in the crib and tossed a blanket towards him. The child looked at him, confused, and babbled. 
“You gotta tuck him in, Dissy,” Pinkie giggled, looking at the pair in amusement.
He looked at the foal. “... Right. Yes, of course.” her took the blanket and wrapped it around Pound loosely. It fell off almost immediately, and Pound looked up at him, very unimpressed.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Discord, you know how to-”
“Of course I do! I am ten thousand years old, my dear, I’m relatively certain I can tuck a foal into bed.”
“Okie dokie!” she smiled. “Let’s see then!”
“I-... I beg your pardon?”
“If you don’t need my help, then I wanna see you do it!” she sat down, watching intently, that silly grin still on her face.
Discord glared at her, then turned his attention back to the colt. He took the blanket, frowning, and wrapped it around a little tighter. Pound squirmed uncomfortably, and whined. Pumpkin, who was already half asleep, amazingly enough, shifted at the noise, her little brow furrowing.
“You need to-”
“I know what I’m doing!” he snapped and adjusted the blanket, placing the foal down. He seemed tight enough, so he started to leave. 
“Latch the crib,” Pinkie prompted. Discord groaned and went back to fix it, then started to leave, yet again.
“He looks unhappy.”
“And?”
“And you need to fix it! That’s a part of tucking somepony in!”
He looked at the foal blankly. The baby stared right back, wings buzzing in irritation. The only things he could really think of doing to cheer him up would excite him, and if he was trying to nap, that was the last thing he needed.
Pinkie watched Discord think, before laughing softly. She briefly wondered why he didn’t know what being tucked in was like, but shook it off. He was pretty old, he probably just couldn’t recall it. “Here, watch me!” she trotted over to the crib, taking Pound in her arms, cooing and singing. The foal smiled softly and gave a tiny yawn, reaching out to play with her hair. Pinkie giggled, rocking him gently, watching as he squeaked. His eyes started to droop and he snuggled deeper into her chest.
She smiled, putting him into his crib and latching it up quietly. She started to trot away as Discord looked at the crib, impressed. He quickly shook his head, following her outside. “I could have done that.”
She rolled her eyes, smiling knowingly. “I’m sure you could have.” before he could argue she reached into her mane. “Here, this is for you. Twilight came over with it. She also says she’s sorry. I don’t know why she’d be sorry, but she says you would, so there you go!”
Sorry? Twilight Sparkle was sorry? He grinned. That was too rich! He took the letter with interest, opening it and scanning it over.
Discord,
I have to say, although this request doesn’t come as a surprise to me, your reasoning does. 
I must admit, when I drained your powers, I thought I considered all the possible consequences of doing so. Apparently I did not.
I’m thrilled to see that you are at least attempting to take some responsibility.
Therefore, I have increased your power supply from ten to thirty percent. Hopefully this is enough to train your daughter. You may have noticed a difference already.
Come to think of it... he hadn’t had a headache since he’d woken up.
I also feel I need to tell you something.
The decision to drain your power was not an easy one by any means, and it is still something I’m not entirely comfortable with, considering what happened the last time Luna and I attempted such a thing. I feel I have left you with enough power to remain stable, especially now, but I still have to ask something of you.
Of course she did.
If you feel any symptoms, any weakness or pains that seem above normal for the spell I’ve cast, I urge you to tell me immediately. I understand if you don’t believe me, but Luna and I do not want to lose you, Discord.
She was right. He didn’t believe her.
All that was left in the note was her signature, and a small P.S, that said that Luna said hi. He smiled a bit at that.
He looked at the note, hardly believing it. She had given him more of his powers back? And so willingly?
“So, what’s it say? Is it from the Princess?”
He chuckled. “It appears I’ve been given some more of my powers back, so I can train Screwball.”
“Really?” she asked. “Lemme see that!” the mare hopped up and took the letter, looking it over. She frowned. “... Last time? What happened last time?”
He snatched the letter back and shook his head, not about to tell the story for a second time in twenty four hours. “That’s another story for another time, my dear. Or you can ask Twilight if you’d prefer, I suppose.”
She shook her head, a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. “No, I’ll just ask later, I think I should hear it from you.” Then she smiled, and grabbed his tail. “Now c’mon, the kitchen isn’t gonna clean itself!”
He groaned. “But that’s boring!”
She stopped suddenly. “Now, Discord, I’m surprised at you! You really think I’d let it be boring?” She pulled out two sets of scrub-brush shoes- one set with four shoes, the other with two. “It’ll be just like the soap roads!” she giggled, pulling him along downstairs.
Alright, so that might be fun.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

When the Cakes came home from their convention, they were surprised, and a bit amused, to find the bright pink pony and and the god of chaos gliding around their soapy kitchen, performing lifts, twists, turns, jumps, and other impressive feats.
Both were surprisingly skilled skaters, and the couple simply watched for a moment as Discord lifted Pinkie in the air to reach a bit of frosting that had been flung there, adding an unnecessary spin to the whole routine. 
“Dissy, quit it!” Pinkie laughed as the draconequus tossed her into the air, beaming when he caught her again. Discord was just about to respond when Pinkie took his hand and spun him around, giggling as she proceeded to dip him. Discord looked at her in surprise and burst out laughing.
They watched the display a little longer, Carrot growing more and more confused as he watched. In fact, he was about to interrupt them, but Cup shook her head gently, ushering him away to check on the twins, a knowing smile on her face.
> Initiation
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	The tension was unbearable.
Painful, even. 
This was the hardest thing that Pinkie had ever had to do, and she could hardly believe she was able to withstand it.
“Alright, my dear, you need to focus-”
“I am focusing!” came the sharp reply. 
Discord looked at his filly, half amused, half annoyed. “Alright, what are you focusing on?”
“The cloud, of course, Daddy! I’m focusing on the cloud!” Pinkie Pie looked at the filly sympathetically. This had been going on for over about half an hour now, much longer than any sort of spell should take, and Pinkie almost didn’t care about the actual cloud anymore.
Okay, no. That was a lie. She cared about the cloud.
She cared about the cloud a lot.
For pony’s sake, it was a cotton candy cloud that rained chocolate milk.
But she cared about the filly even more.
“Screwy, it’s okay! I’ll bet making a cotton candy cloud is super difficult! You don’t have to-”
“She can do it,” Discord cut her off, looking at his daughter, leaning down to her height. “Screwball, stop for a second.”
The filly stopped, her eyes, which had been glowing brightly, dimmed, her brow furrowing. “I can do it, I can!”
“I’m sure you can, but you aren’t focusing right.”
Screwball looked at her father, confused. “But I am focusing! That’s all I’m doing, I’m focusing all my energy on the cloud! I’m just trying to get everything right!”
“And that’s your problem.”
Screwball blinked, “Really?”
“Really. Tell me, when you created that bounce house for Gummy, what were you thinking of?”
“I was thinkin’ I wanted to make you a really great bed!”
Discord nodded. “Now, did you think of every last detail? Did you imagine the slides, the ball pit, down to the last miniscule element of it?”
She shook her head. “Well, no. I was just thinking of making you somewhere really fun to sleep!”
“And when you created that ghost to chase, what were you thinking about? Did you think about the specifics- what species it should be, what gender, what age...?”
“No, I just thought about making some sorta ghost to chase, I didn’t really care what kind.”
He motioned his hand, as if to say, “Go on...”
The filly’s eyes lit up- literally. “And it worked! I was able to make both those things!” then she drew back, her eyes dimming again. “So why can’t I make a stupid cloud?”
Discord grumbled, a bit ticked. He didn’t want to just show his daughter, chaos magic worked best when one simply figured it out for themselves. That was why he hadn’t given her too much solid advice, and had just been telling her to focus.
But Screwball was trying too hard at this point, and was growing visibly upset, something Discord didn’t really like to see.
“Don’t focus on the cloud. Focus on something else- something like the cloud, something similar, but not the cloud itself.”
Screwy looked at her father, then nodded. “Okay... Alright.” She moved her hooves into something akin to a defensive stance, and grit her teeth. A non existent breeze caused her mane to billow out behind her, and her eyes glowed and twirled. She grunted softly, then watched in delight as a small pink cloud materialized. 
When she looked at it more closely, though, her grin drooped. “Oh...”
Pinkie Pie looked at her, confused. “Screwy, what’s wrong? That was amazing! It looks really, really good!” the looked at the cloud, her mouth watering, pulling out a giant swizzle straw and plunging it in the treat.
“The color’s not right...” she muttered. 
And that was true. Instead of the pale pink of her father’s clouds, this confection was hot pink, more bright and bold.
Discord shrugged. “There’s no particular color a cloud needs to be, and, quite frankly, I would have been disappointed if yours looked exactly like mine. There’s no fun in just making a carbon copy of mi-”
“Strawberry milk!” Pinkie interrupted, beaming. She took another long sip, then continued. “Screwy, you made one with strawberry milk!”
Screwball looked at the cloud with interest and perked up. “I did?”
“Mmm-hmmph!” Pinkie beamed, guzzling down the pink liquid. The little monster looked as the milk rushed down the straw and into Pinkie’s mouth. It was nearly the same shade as her coat.
Discord snickered, realizing what his daughter had decided to focus on. “You based it off of Pinkie’s mane, didn’t you?”
“Uh-huh!” she laughed. “It’s just like cotton candy, so I thought it might help! I wanted to use Mommy’s coat color for the actual cloud, but I guess it didn’t work.” she shrugged. “I kinda like that it didn’t work, actually!”
“Of course you do, it’s more fun that way,” Discord nodded approvingly.
Screwball looked at her dad in interest. “What d’you base your clouds on?”
“Bubblegum,” he grinned. “It gets the color I want, and the sweetness- and besides, it makes it more sticky, and more challenging to get out of fur and feathers!” he smirked, remembering how the weather team had attempted to clear his creations from the sky the last time he was free, only for their feathers to clump and stick together when they tried to bust them, making it so that they could barely fly.
Screwball smiled deviously. “Oh, that’s good... we should make one that rains down melted caramel! That’s just as hard to get out, right? But worse ‘cause it’s all melty and warm and goopy-”
The filly was cut off from a knock on the doorframe. Screwball looked over to the door, beaming when she saw who it was.
“What’re y’all doin’?” Applebloom asked, smiling. Behind her were Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle- the latter looked quite nervous. Although she now had permission to see Screwball, after Pinkie had had a long talk with Rarity, the fashionista still very obviously disapproved. This scorn from her sister seemed to be taking a bit of a toll on the filly, but she smiled softly anyway and waved as the farm pony continued. “Mrs. Cake just said that y’were up here doin’ some magic stuff an’ that we should be real careful lookin’ fer ya!”
“I’m practicing chaos magic with Daddy! See?” she smiled, pointing her hoof up to the cloud, only to find that it was half the size it had been. She looked at Pinkie, who looked back, shrugging. 
“What? It was good!”
The filly giggled, and looked back at the Crusaders, who looked impressed. 
“You made that?” Scootaloo asked, eyes wide. 
“She most certainly did,” Discord smiled, ruffling his daughter’s curls. “A natural, if I say so myself.”
“Well of course I am! I’m made of the stuff! ...Took longer than I wanted it to, though...”
“Not to worry, my little hellspawn, mine were even worse the first time.”
“Really?” Sweetie squeaked, talking for the first time, curiosity overshadowing her apprehension. “But you’re the master of chaos!”
He took a little bow, “Well thank you, my dear. But my first clouds were horrendous! I got everything but candy. The worst was when I got glass wool. It looked so much like candy, it was even pink.”
“So lemme guess. Ya ate it, then realized there was glass in it?” Applebloom looked at him, unamused. “Y’know th’texture’s different, right? I mean, that stuff’s used t’insulate walls, it ain’t gonna feel th’same as candy. It’s gotta be thicker, t’trap the heat an’ th’cold in!” her big amber eyes blinked when she realized something. “And besides, that wasn’t even invented back then! Glass wool wasn’t even made ‘till less’n a hundred years ago! How in Equestria did y’eat some?”
The god looked at her with a mixture of amusement and confusion. “... How do you know so much about the history of glass wool?”
“Ah used it when I was patchin’ up our clubhouse! It was real fun t’do, an’ there were a lotta things I didn’t know about repairin’ stuff, so I went an’ looked it up. I learned about how diff’rent tools were invented an’ why, how t’work with mechanics, and lotsa other stuff! It was actually pretty interestin’!”
He raised an eyebrow. “You fixed a whole clubhouse by yourself? Without magic?”
“Well, sure,” she shrugged. “Wasn’t like it was hard. Just had t’ fix th’shutters, patch up th’roof, tighten some loose bolts, fix some broken floorboards, do a bit’ve redecoratin’, weatherproof it an’ seal it up. Oh, an’ a new paintjob, ‘f course!”
He frowned. “If you’re so good at that, and you even know you’re good at that, then wh-” he was cut off by Pinkie, who shook her head rapidly and cut him off. She motioned him down to her level, turned them both around so they couldn’t be heard by the girls and hissed, “You can’t say that to her! She has to figure it out for herself!”
“But it’s completely and utterly obvious! She should have gotten her mark when she fixed the treehouse! She even knows she’s good at it, isn’t that all you need?”
She nodded. “It is. And, yeah, we all know that’s what she’ll be. Everybody knows it for all three of them!”
“Don’t you mean everypony, my dear?”
She shrugged. “Both, actually!”
Discord nodded in understanding. “Ah, yes, of course.”
“So no more pointing out obvious inconsistencies and potentially changing the whole dynamic of life here in Ponyville?” she asked him, looking at him seriously. 
Discord scowled. “I’m not promising anything.”
“Aw, please, Dissy? We can cause little time paradoxes Tuesday instead!” Pinkie looked at him hopefully.
“... Fine. But they’d better be entertaining paradoxes.”
Screwball climbed on her father’s back at that moment, looking down at the pair in curiousity. “What’re you two talking about?” the three other fillies were behind her, looking at the pair, just as curious.
“Playing with paradoxes!” Pinkie said cheerfully, as if it was the most normal conversation topic in the world.
“Oh, that sounds fun!” Screwball grinned.
“Have we tried doing that for our cutie marks yet?” Scootaloo asked, thinking deeply. “That might be fun...”
“But if our cutie marks are created by using a paradox, then we won’t really get our cutie marks, will we?” Sweetie asked. “I mean, what kind of rules are we using here? Alternate universes, or two of us in the same universe at the same time? Would there be one of us walking around with our cutie marks, and one of us without? What would happen if we touched each other, would we-”
“What in Equestria are ya yammerin’ on about?”
“Yeah, how do you know so much about paradoxes, Sweetie?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh... well... I kind of read a lot of science fiction...” she blushed as the others looked at her in surprise. “What? I like the robots!”
Scootaloo shrugged. “Yeah, I guess they’re pretty cool.”
“Soooo,” Pinkie smiled, “Why’d you girls come over? Any reason? Or did you just come over to come over? ‘Cause that can be super fun, too!”
“Well, we were gonna try our hoof at snake milkin’, and we were wond’rin’ if Screwball wanted to join us?”
Screwball shook her head. “Can’t! I gotta practice my magic today,” she motioned to the cloud. “I wanna get better at it, that took waaay too long.”
Sweetie Belle blinked, then beamed. “Oh, maybe we can help! I don’t think we’ve ever tried for chaos cutie marks before!”
Pinkie giggled. “I think you’d already have gotten your marks if that was your talent! You’re so good at spreading it, after all!”
The girls blushed and looked down at their hooves sheepishly, but the mare put a hoof around them, grinning. “Hey, that’s not bad! Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!”
Discord’s lips twitched into a small smile as Pinkie quoted him.
“It’s just gotta be in portions, and you know how to do that really well!” she beamed.
“But we could potentially get our cutie marks in chaos?” Applebloom prompted.
Pinkie shrugged. “Dunno!”
Applebloom grinned. “So, girls, what d’ya think about a change in plans?”
Sweetie Belle shrugged. “I don’t know how to milk a snake anyway. Would the milk even taste good?”
The draconequus rolled his eyes. “It’s not milk, it’s venom.”
“What!?” Applebloom and Sweetie Belle looked horrified, and glared at Scootaloo.
“What, you guys didn’t know?” Scootaloo laughed. “You really though snakes made milk?”
“Uh, yeah! Th’name kinda implies it!”
The orange filly scoffed. “Look, we’re not doing it anyway, so why’s it matter?”
Applebloom still looked annoyed. “Yer not allowed t’come up with ideas anymore, unless you make sure they don’t involve venom.”
“Says the pony who wanted to be potion testers...”
“That would worked just fine, I knew what I was puttin’ in that brew!”
“Guys, stoppit! I just had the most stupendous idea!”
Scootaloo cocked an eyebrow. “Stupendous, huh?”
“What?” Sweetie Belle looked indignant. “I have a good vocabulary!” then she walked over to Discord and looked up at him. “I have a question.”
“I thought you had an idea,” he said, batting the half eaten candy cloud lazily with his paw before taking a bite.
“I can have both!” she squeaked indignantly. “What I wanted to know was do draconecusususus or whatever get cutie marks?”
“Draconequui!” Pinkie corrected.
“So much for your good vocabulary,” Scootaloo snorted.
Sweetie glared at her orange friend, then looked back at Discord. “So?”
Discord stopped chewing his cloud for a second, thinking. “Hmmm... I’m not sure, actually. It’s possible, since I am part pony...” then he shook his head. “No, I would have already gotten it by now.”
“For what?” Sweetie asked.
“Chaos, of course!”
Scootaloo frowned. “Yeah, but what kind of chaos?”
Discord blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Well, most ponies get their marks for something pretty specific!” Sweetie chirped. “Rarity knew she wanted to be a fashion designer, but she didn’t get her mark until she made her dresses all sparkly! Her special talent isn’t just making dresses, it’s making a specific kinda dress, something really unique to her!”
“Oh, and I didn’t get my mark just by making a super duper awesometacular party, I got my mark when my family enjoyed it! The parties might be what I do, but it’s not actually my talent! My talent is making ponies smile with my parties!” Pinkie beamed, as if to prove her point.
“So you might not actually know your talent!” Scootaloo grinned. 
“Oh mah gosh, Ah got the best idea,” Applebloom beamed, looking at Screwball. “Yer dad should look for his cutie mark with us!”
Screwball grinned and nodded in agreement, but Discord just looked at the filly in shock. “What?”
“Yeah!” Sweetie nodded. “It’s perfect!”
“Applejack said we should have some adult supervision anyway!” Applebloom smiled.
“I am absolutely certain I’m not who she had in mind-”
“Nah, we know that,” Scootaloo waved a hoof. “But you’re still an adult, so she can’t get mad.”
“Yeah! Technically we’re doing what she asked!” Applebloom grinned, and Discord was surprised to see a devious glint in the filly’s eyes.
“Hmmmm...” he stroked his beard, considering. Joining the Crusaders would give him a front row seat to some chaos, not only to watch, but to even participate in a way that likely wouldn’t anger the Ponyvillians too much. After all, if they had gotten used to the Cutie Mark Crusaders by now, even with Screwball’s inclusion, they surely wouldn’t mind the group getting an addition?
“Alright, I accept!” he smiled, clapping his hands together and rubbing them. “When do we start with the Crusades?” he poofed up a white tunic with a large red cross, and a helmet. He had wanted a sword and chainmail along with it, but he didn’t want to waste too much energy, and that was better than nothing.
“Well, you need to be initiated first, Daddy!” she grabbed a cape from a drawer that seemed to be made out of some sort of suspended liquid, wrung the cloth and buzzed up onto her father’s head.
“Yeah, follow us!” Sweetie said excitedly, and the draconequus followed the three fillies as they scampered out the door. Giggling at the sheer adorableness of the entire scenario, Pinkie followed close behind.
They made their way to Sweet Apple Acres, jabbering on excitedly about what sort of new marks they could try for with chaos magic to spare. They got to the edge of the orchard when Applebloom suddenly stopped, whipped around and faced Pinkie. “Ah’m awful sorry, Pinkie, but yer not allowed any further. Only Crusaders are allowed t’know about our headquarters.”
“You mean the clubhouse in the secluded part of the orchards?” Pinkie asked innocently.
Applebloom’s eyes widened. “How in tarnation d’you know about that?”
Screwball smiled. “I told her!”
“But Screwy, our secret headquarters is supposed t’be secret!”
“But... but Sweetie Belle’s parents know where it is, why couldn’t I tell Mommy and Daddy?”
“What?” the Earth pony turned to face her friend. “Why do yer folks know where th’clubhouse is?!”
“Well... Rarity mighta told them so they can find me if there’s an emergency...”
“And why’d ya tell Rarity?”
“Well, Applejack knows where it is! Why shouldn’t my sister know, too?”
“Applejack knows ‘cause it’s on our property! I don’t want just anypony comin’ in here!” she stomped a hoof.
Scootaloo blushed. “So I’m guessing I wasn’t supposed to have my Rainbow Dash fanclub in the treehouse?”
“Yer what now? No! No, Ah- what? Why did ya start a...” she sighed. “Just no!”
“...’Cause I kinda did, and half the town’s foals kinda showed up...”
“Oh, just tell th’whole town, then!”
“I think everypony already knows, anyway.”
“Yeah, I thought you just wanted to sound cool, by calling it secret! I didn’t know it was really a secret!”
In the meantime, father and daughter had sat back, watching in amusement as the three fillies bickered.
“You know, Screwball?” Discord looked at his daughter, handing her some popcorn. “I approve of your friends, you made a good choice.”
“Yeah, they’re fun, aren’t they?” she laughed back. 
“And besides, you let Spike come in here,” Scootaloo continued, pointing a hoof at Applebloom.
The filly turned red. “Spike’s a diff’rent case, he’s...” she scrunched up her face. “Ah can- Ah can let whoever Ah want in here, it’s my treehouse!”
“Uh, girls?” Sweetie piped out. “We still need to do initiation!”
Scootaloo nodded. “Oh, yeah! C’mon!”
The yellow filly huffed, but nodded. “Pinkie, since y’already know, I guess you can come with.”
“Sounds great!” the mare beamed, following the group to the treehouse.
It was a bit of a tight fit, with four fillies, a full grown mare and a draconequus all crammed in the little fortress, but they all made it in, and the initiation began.
Discord sat in the middle of the clubhouse, looking at the fillies interestedly as they dimmed the lights and took out a long scroll. Scootaloo started to beat on the drums, and Screwball grabbed a cape in her mouth from a supply- after both Babs and Screwy had joined the group, the fillies had decided to have extra capes made, just in case.
Sweetie Belle took the podium, cleared her throat, and began. “We, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, elect Discord to join us as a sister, friend, confidante, ally, bossom buddy, gal pal, compadre, chum of chums, home-gi-” the filly scrunched her brow and stopped for a second. “Wait... We should probably change the words a bit...”
Scootaloo groaned. “Aw, another rewrite?”
Discord shrugged and waved a paw. “Oh, pish posh, I could care less.”
“Really?”
“I am ten thousand years old and the literal manifestation of chaos, I really don’t care about gendered pronouns all that much.”
Scootaloo blinked, then shrugged. “Well, okay. Less work for me!” she grinned and kept beating the drums as the unicorn kept reading.
“Amiga, cohort, accomplice, ami- Scootaloo, there are at least thirty more words here! I thought you said you revised this!”
“I did! It’s half the size it used to be!”
Sweetie rolled her eyes. “Okay, skipping to the end- ...and fellow Cutie Mark Crusader! You are solemnly sworn in, here this day, in witness of your fellow sisters, friends-”
“Oh, for pony’s sake!” Scootaloo groaned. “Screwy, just give your dad the cape.”
The filly gave him the cape excitedly, and he tied it around his neck- it was absurdly short, but his neck was thin enough that it didn’t choke him, or even look all that strange.
In fact, if he did say so himself, he looked quite dashing.
“Congrats, yer in!” Applebloom beamed, turning the lights back on. “How d’ya feel, bein’ a Crusader?
Discord thought for a moment. “... I feel like I joined a cult, and I have quite a bit of experience with those. I even run a few myself!”
“A cult?” Sweetie squeaked. “Rarity says those are really bad.”
“We’re not a cult... and how does your sister even know about cults, anyway?” Scootaloo asked.
“All she said is that college is a really hard time for everypony and that anypony ever tells you to join a super fun club that wears capes and has weird sacred vows, you shouldn’t do it.”
Screwball blinked, looking around, then grinned. “Woo-hoo! I’m in a cult!”
Pinkie sighed. “Now I wanna be in a cult...”
“We ain’t a cult!”
“Well, I can take you to one of the ones I attend, my dear, but they really aren’t that interesting. I only go for the buffets.”
“Hey, dad?” Screwball tugged on her father’s tail. 
“Yes, my little aberration?”
She giggled. “I think we should get to crusading now, before the day ends.”
“Yes, of course!” he clapped his hands together, then looked at Pinkie. “Pinkie, my dear, this is official Crusader business, if you don’t mind?”
The mare nodded, bubbly as ever. “Okie dokie loki! Tell me all about it, okay?”
The draconequus nodded, only half paying attention. “Yes, yes, of course.”
Pinkie laughed and started to walk out the door, trotting back home as the newly expanded Crusaders planned their next adventure.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

As promised, she heard all about it that night, as she was snuggled up in the draconequus’s coils. (After three or four days, Discord stopped attempting to move her and sort of went with it. It wasn’t as if he liked it, of course, it simply wasn’t worth the argument.)
“... and so long story short, Sweetie Belle was able to stop the fire, although it took quite a bit of time. Apparently unicorn magic plus chaos magic makes a rather large , technicolor fire.”
“And you didn’t help because...?”
“Well, she obviously needed the magical practice!”
Pinkie giggled. “I guess you’re right about that!” then she smiled. “So you liked hanging out with the girls, then?”
“Hmm? Well, I suppose it was a nice way to pass the time,” he shifted his arm, bringing his daughter a bit closer, as she seemed cold. Pinkie looked at the pair affectionately as he continued. “They spread chaos in their wake, and they barely even know it, it’s incredible!”
“Mmm-hmmm, just a fun time to pass the time, huh?”
“Yes, why?”
“You’re still wearing the cape, Dissy.”
He looked at his back, and then at Pinkie, a bit miffed. “It happens to be a very stylish cape.”
She laughed. “Well, I can’t argue with that!” she put on a mock- serious expression. “You look extremely handsome with your cape and plushie,” she grinned then, looking at Bananas. 
Discord smiled as well, giving a yawn. “Don’t patronize me, Pinkie Pie,” he said, his tone completely jesting.
The mare smiled and snuggled in closer. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Just- just ask Luna!” she yawned as well. “G’night Dissy.”
“Good night, Pinkie.”
> Family Appreciation Day (or Why Miss Cheerilee's Salary isn't Nearly High Enough)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Miss Cheerilee prided herself in her work, and in her class. With few exceptions, her class was cheery, happy, and well taken care of. The routine they followed each day was structured, but not dull, and students bloomed in the environment, coming into their own and learning eagerly.
Today was not any different- the schedule was a bit altered, but it was a planned alteration, as today was Family Appreciation Day. 
She smiled gently at the filly who was supposed to present- the child was a little bigger than the others, and had to squeeze into a desk, but this didn’t seem to deter her from talking very happily to her neighbor. Her strange eyes were lit up in excitement, and her beanie spun, as it always did, as she conversed with Scootaloo.
“Screwball?” the teacher trotted over to the desk, still smiling. 
“Yeah, teach?” the filly looked at her teacher, halting her conversation with the pegasus.
“Is somepony in your family going to come in today? It’s your turn, I told you that Monday, didn’t I?”
She nodded, still smiling. “I know! Don’t worry about it, he’s coming!”
Cheerilee blinked in surprise. He? Pinkie Pie was her legal guardian. after all... Well, perhaps there was another family member she didn’t know about, an uncle or something. “Alright then. Will he be here soon?”
To her surprise, Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “If we’re lucky. He’s not great with schedules.”
“Oh?” Cheerilee asked. She was going to ask for more information when a pink hoof shot into the air. “Yes, Diamond Tiara, do you have a question?”
“Shouldn’t it be Scootaloo's turn?” the filly sneered. “After all, ‘O’ comes before ‘R!’”
“You know, that might be funny if you didn’t say it every time my name comes up for Family Appreciation Day,” the pegasus scowled.
“Well, I figured you’d have been adopted by now,” Diamond laughed.
Silver Spoon nodded in agreement. “After all, there’s always such a high demand for ponies that can fly, aren’t there?”
The orange pony bristled.
“Oh... whoops.”
“Girls!” Cheerilee looked at the pair, her lips twisted into a frown. “See me after class!”
“Yes, Miss Cheerilee!” they chorused, smiles still on their faces. They wouldn’t get in trouble, and they knew it. A scolding, maybe, a detention if they were unlucky. After all, their families practically paid for the schoolhouse, there was nothing Miss Cheerilee could do to them without invoking the wrath of the school board.
Cheerilee groaned, then gave Scoots a supportive smile, and made a mental note to do something nice for the filly soon.
“I don’t even think anypony’s coming for you, Screwball,” Diamond hissed once Cheerilee was out of earshot.
The other filly stared right back, her lips twitching into a smile. “You’re right, Diamond Tiara.”
“What?” the pony looked shocked. 
“You’re right!” Screwball smiled deviously. “No pony’s coming for me!”
As if on cue- and, in all honesty, it probably was- the sound of a chainsaw rattled the classroom, and the blade appeared, tearing through the door. The foals all ducked to the ground, with the exception of four fillies.
“Hi daddy!” 
Discord grinned, taking off his hockey mask. “Hello, my little abomination!” he smiled at the Crusaders, who were the only fillies still in their seats other than his daughter. “Oh, and hello, girls!”
Something was suddenly very certain to Cheerilee at that moment.
Something she had already thought about quite a bit, a belief she had held but had never shared to anypony else.
A revelation she had been pondering for quite some time, a truth she could no longer deny.
She didn’t get paid nearly enough for this job.
...Oh, and Discord was Screwball’s father.
That too.
The mare moved shakily out from under her desk, and looked at the draconequus, trying her best to look stern. “Discord, why are you here?”
“Family Appreciation Day, of course!” he smiled at the teacher, snapping his claw to fix the door before she could ask. He knew she would, after all.
She seemed a bit more comfortable when he did that, but still looked very unsure. “And you came because...?”
“Because my daughter asked me to,” he raised a brow. “Look, logical thinking isn’t really my area, but wasn’t that the logical conclusion?”
“Yeah, it was,” Scootaloo nodded.
“Thank you, Scootaloo,” Cheerilee said, a fake smile on her face. “So, you’re actually Screwball’s... father?”
“Of course I am! Didn’t you read her little story explaining it?”
“Well, I did, but-”
“And aren’t you supposed to have files of all your student’s family members, for safety purposes?”
“I have Pinkie Pie listed, as she’s her legal guardian, but-”
“But you don’t have her own father in your records?” Discord tsked. “Shame on you, Miss Cheerilee, shame.”
“Shaaaaameee,” Screwball said, shaking her head.
“Wait! So Discord’s your dad?” Diamond Tiara asked the filly, laughing. “Oh my gosh! No wonder you’re a freak, you aren’t even a pony!”
“Diamond Tiara!” Cheerilee started, marching over. “Young filly, I-”
She was cut off by Discord, who raised one finger and moved over to the child’s desk.
“So you’re Diamond Tiara,” he smiled, his voice like silk.
Despite herself, the filly swelled up at the mention of her name. “So you’ve heard about me?”
“I have,” he nodded. “I’ve heard that you’re a powerful little filly that rules the school with an iron hoof, and belittles those she sees as less than her. I know that you’re cruel and vindictive with little reasoning, and that, despite everything you do, your daddy’s influence keeps you out of trouble.”
She looked at him, but didn’t deny a word.
“Now, in some cases, I would be impressed with your cruelty, but honestly, you just strike me as pathetic. But you have a bit of potential. So here’s a tip,” he sneered. “Before you start asserting your power over others, make sure you actually have some.” he tapped her tiara, watching as it melted away. “Your daddy can only take you so far, my dear.” 
“But- but...” she looked at him, blue eyes wide. Then she smirked. “Aren’t you letting Screwball do the exact same thing? You’re the one threatening me, not her. She doesn’t have power either, so you’re defending her- just like daddy does for me!” she smiled, satisfied with herself.
“Except that she actually does have power. Don’t you, my abomination?”
The filly laughed and nodded, her eyes glowing. “‘Course I do, Daddy!” her brow scrunched up and she looked at the melted silver of the tiara, concentrating on it until it took another shape- a small, silvery, but very much alive chinchilla. The creature squeaked and scurried back to the place it had lived most of its’ life:  Diamond Tiara’s head.
The filly screeched and the class looked on in amazement as the thing burrowed into her purple and white hair.
The whole time Cheerilee watched, unsure of what to do. He wasn’t hurting her, of course, but he was threatening her, and that was pretty bad.
Then again, the filly really could use a bit of discipline, and if Cheerilee couldn’t scare her straight, maybe she should just leave it to somepony who could. Still, she cleared her throat. “Discord? Aren’t you here to talk about Screwball’s family?”
“Ah, yes!” he nodded, stretching to his full height and moving back to the fron of the classroom. “Alright, kids,” he clapped his hands together. “Story time! Now, we have a few options here-”
“You’re going to let us choose?” Silver Spoon scoffed. “That’s not how it works!”
“Well, the way it works is boring. Now, any suggestions?”
Dinky Hooves raised her hoof happily. “Were you around when the Crystal Empire was? Can you tell us about that?”
He conjured up a plush chair and sat down. “Hmmmm... Well, I suppose I have a few good stories about the empire...”
“Can you tell us about Princess Cadence’s alicorn ascension?” the purple-gray foal asked, a smile still on her face.
Discord stopped for a moment, looking at Dinky, surprised. “How do you know about her ascension? That’s not really common knowledge.”
“... Books?” she offered, although it sounded more like a question. 
Well, that didn’t really make sense, since that fact wasn’t in very many books, but that was fine with Discord.
So he shrugged and started his story. “So this all started with Cryssie, actually. Sombra and I-”
“You knew King Thombra and Queen Chrythalith?” asked a lanky filly with a curly dark red mane and glasses. “Weren't they thcary?”
“No, not at all... you...” he said, unsure of her name. 
“That’s Twist, Discord,” Applebloom said helpfully.
“Twist?” he frowned. “That’s horrible! Can you even say your name?”
“Well, thure I can! Twitht!” the filly beamed, apparently ignorant of the fact that she hadn’t exactly said it right.
The draconequus laughed, stopping only when the filly asked what he was laughing at.
“Oh, nothing, my dear, nothing,” he said in a sing song voice as Cheerilee glared. Another thing had become quite clear to the schoolteacher.
This was going to be a long day.
“As I was saying, Sombra and I were testing new magic on ants out in the palace courtyard, trying to avoid Cadence and Crysalis. Mostly because of what we were doing, honestly- Chryssie was always so fond of bugs, and if she saw us doing potentially harmful magic on them... well...” he rubbed his neck. “It wouldn’t end well.”
“Tho you were thcared of her!”
“No, not scared, intimidated. Intimidated,” he frowned yet again. “She was a powerful filly, even before she was a Changeling.”
“She wasn’t always a Changeling?” asked Pip, his curiosity peaked. “How do you change species?”
“Well, I was getting there. See, Chryssie and Sombra weren’t royals, but their family was noble. Chrysalis was the younger sibling, but she was-”
“Wait, Sombra and Chrysalis are siblin’s!?” Applebloom looked at her fellow Crusader, shocked. “Since when?”
“Since always. Really, what is this educational system teaching you these days?”
“Algebra,” Screwball supplied, causing her father to groan.
“Algebra. Wonderful. Can I pull her out of that class? It goes against our belief system,” Discord asked, turning to Cheerilee.
“How in Equestria does algebra go against your belief system?”
“Formulas and problem solving go against the pure nature of chaos.”
“I’d have a very hard time convincing the school board of that, so no.”
Scootaloo raised her hoof, and Cheerilee sighed. “Yes,  Scootaloo?”
“Uh, I think algebra goes against my beliefs, too, Miss Cheerilee.”
“Put your hoof down, Scootaloo.”
Discord chuckled as the orange filly grumbled, then continued on with his story.
“So Sombra and I were avoiding Chrysalis and Cadence, so I’m not entirely sure how everything happened, but they were talking, as best friends do-”
“They were betht friends?”
“Alright, am I actually going to be able to get through this story before the day ends, or are you going to keep interrupting me?”
The filly shrunk down in her seat. “Thorry, Mithter Dithcord...”
“Any more questions?” he looked at the foals, annoyed, as if daring them to ask. He waited for a minute, then continued.
“As I was saying, they were talking about the fact that Chrysalis was betrothed to some prince of some sort. I wasn’t particularly close to her, so I didn’t know much about her situation, but it makes sense that she wasn’t too thrilled. She was pretty young, after all, and it wasn’t as if she loved the colt. They weren’t exactly going to be married for a while, but the point stands that they were going to be married, and neither one was particularly happy about this.
“Being the great friend she was, Cadence wanted to help. Now, she wasn’t magical yet, she was just a plain old pegasus. She didn’t have her love powers yet, she was just a hopeless romantic, and she was determined to make sure that her friend would love her future spouse, even if it took some magical intervention.
“So she developed a love potion- she was extremely intelligent, after all. But it went very, very wrong. It was less of a love potion, and more of a-”
“Love poison...” Sweetie breathed, her green eyes going wide.
Discord looked up, surprised. “How do you know about that?”
“We kinda...”
“Made it?” Scootaloo finished. 
“Fer, uh... fer mah brother an’... an’ Miss Cheerilee...” the filly gulped. “Oh, sweet Celestia... We coulda made a Changeling...”
To everypony’s surprise, Discord grinned. “No, you couldn’t have-- but now I’m curious, how did you manage to make the potion? It’s pretty complicated.”
“It was?” Applebloom asked. “Ah though it was pretty easy!”
“Even getting the rainbow?”
Scootaloo shrugged. “We just used a vacuum.”
“You used a vacuum to suck the glow out of a rainbow?”
“Uh-huh.”
Discord beamed even more. “Creative,” he nodded approvingly, and the fillies beamed, before realizing what the potion could have done.
“Miss Cheerilee?” Sweetie squeaked. “We already said this, but... we’re sorry.”
“And we never wanted t’make ya inta a Changelin’, we swear!” 
She smiled, although she couldn’t help but shudder and grimace a bit. “I know, girls.”
“You wouldn’t have made her into a Changeling, that isn’t what the potion does,” he started to explain. “After she gave Chryssie and the prince the potion, she realized that she’d made a mistake. It wasn’t love, it was complete infatuation.”
“Then a dragon came an’ a kingdom fell an’ chaos reigned, right?”
Discord cleared his throat. “Well, sort of. After Cadence realized what she’d done, she went straight to work, trying to help her friend. She studied deeply, developing a magic that even as a pegasus she could use, to get her friend back. Another potion, this time to drain all the love out of her. But she took too much, leaving her absolutely devoid of love, and making her body deteriorate. The only way to keep the deterioration at bay was to drain others of love as well, and feed off of it.”
“What happened to the Prince?” asked Pip.
“The spell was broken after Chryssie was changed, as she wasn’t around him anymore, spending all her time with Cadence, trying to be changed back to normal. Of course, this only added insult to injury, when Cadence realized that the solution was so simple.
“But that didn’t help her any, and Sombra got desperate, and delved into dark magic to try and save his sister, who was in excruciating pain. Cadence did the same, not having magic, but having the royal library and basically everything else at her disposal.”
“Why didn’t you help them?” Dinky asked, tilting her head in curiousity.
“Chaos magic is unpredictable, my dear, and it was just as likely I would have hurt her more than I could have helped. Celestia herself helped Cadence, trying desperately to find a cure for the ailing filly, but she wasn’t an expert in love magic, and didn’t have the time to become one.
“Cadence did, of course, and she studied day in and day out for...” he counted on his fingers, “Approximately 525,600 minutes.”
“525,000 moments? Oh dear...” Sweetie said.
“Ithn’t that jutht a year?” Twist asked, fixing her glasses.
“Is it?” Discord asked. “I don’t really measure time the way you ponies do, I wouldn’t know.”
Dinky raised her hoof. “What do you measure in, Mister Discord?”
“Oh, daylights, sunsets, midnights, cups of coffee,” he shrugged. “Inches, miles, laughter, strife. The normal things.”
“Those aren’t normal,” a brown colt with a beanie not unlike Screwball’s said. “Those are actually pretty weird.”
“Yeah, because everything you do is normal, Button,” Sweetie giggled. “Right, Stache?”
The colt turned bright red. “Sweetie, I thought you weren’t going to tell anypony about that!”
Sweetie Belle just laughed, and the colt grumbled. Discord raised a brow and looked like he was about to ask, but Sweetie Belle waved him off. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Sweetie Belle!”
“Aw, c’mon, Button, it’s funny!”
The colt sunk down in his seat slightly, pouting. “It’s not that funny...”
“And cute!” 
The boy perked up, smiling slightly. The draconequus simply rolled his eyes and went on with the story.
“Finally, she discovered a crystal with the ability to amplify emotions throughout her future kingdom. She put it in the center and asked her subjects to use their love to power it, hoping that spreading love throughout Equestria would help her friend and let her feed without hurting anypony. This ended up being a wonderful source of protection for her empire, and the development and discovery of such a powerful relic, especially from a pegasus who couldn’t do magic herself, actually earned her a horn. It proved that she was a master of her craft, and used it to help others, doing something that hadn’t been done before, so Celestia gave her alicorn magic. It helped that she was Celestia’s favorite niece, of course but Celestia swore that was neither here nor there. I can’t say I believe her, personally, but there were many worse royals she could have chosen.
“Despite everything, though, the Heart didn’t actually help Crysalis, and she got more and more dangerous, until she eventually killed a pony, going too far with her love draining. Cadence banished her from the Empire, fearing for the safety of her subjects.
“This, of course, only made Somba more desperate, and he delved further into his studies. The magic he was studying started to take hold, though, causing him to turn cruel and power hungry, into a monster.”
“That must sound familiar to you...” Diamond muttered under her breath, then tried to scream as her mouth zipped shut, then covered itself with glue.
Cheerilee glared at Discord and demanded that he fix her mouth, but he looked just as confused she was, and gave a little shrug, as if to say “Wasn’t me!” 
Screwball sat in her seat, a satisfied smirk on her face, her glowing eyes dimming. When Discord caught her gaze, he chuckled as well, realizing what had happened.
“Well, can’t you help her?” Cheerilee asked, starting to panic. 
“I’m afraid not,” Discord shook his head, not even attempting to hide his smirk. “Chaos magic can’t fix things directly, and with that glue, I’d just as likely rip her muzzle off as I would rip the glue off.”
Diamond’s eyes widened and she whimpered, barely audible through the zipper and glue, and Silver Spoon looked at him, horrified. “Well, you have to do something!” the filly said, her voice cracking. “What if she never talks again?”
“That would be such a loss,” Screwball snorted, kicking her hind hooves on her desk.
Cheerilee squinted her eyes and trotted over to the filly. “Screwball...”
“Yeah, teach?”
“You need to fix Diamond’s mouth now, young filly.”
“Me?” she looked offended. “Why would you think I did this?”
“Screwball, I know it was you. Change her back now.”
“This is unfair! You have no evidence! I plead the fifth!”
“The fifth what?” Cheerilee asked.
“I refuse to reveal any evidence that might incriminate me! Daddy, that’s a rule, right?”
Dinky shook her head, surprisingly enough. “Wrong universe, Screwy.”
Diamond whimpered again and Cheerilee’s gaze turned steely. “Discord, talk to your daughter.”
The draconequus smiled genially. “Gladly,” he smiled and looked down at his filly. “Screwball, you know you did something wrong, don’t you?”
“What? Dad, I-”
“Really now, the glue isn’t even hot! All it will take is a quick cleaning to get this off, and a quick unzipping! There’s no lock without a key, no cement taffy, no removal of her mouth- remember what your mother said happened to her after that magician came to town? That was permanent! This... really, my dear, this is flimsy at best.”
Diamond let out a muffled scream at each new suggestion, and Discord couldn’t help but grin as he watched the bully squirm.
“Really, Daddy, a lockless key? That’s really boring...”
“No no no, the lockless key is more psychological, since she knows she can’t ever get out-”
“Discord! This isn’t what I meant!” Cheerilee stomped her hoof. The foals in the room each sported a different expression, some horrified, some intrigued, and some gleeful at seeing the brat get her comeuppance.
“What? I’m talking to her about what she did!”
Diamond stomped a hoof on her desk, tears starting to spring to her eyes. When the draconequus noticed this, he rolled his eyes, gave his daughter an apologetic look and snapped his talons. Crying just wasn’t something he liked. “Really? It hasn’t even been three minutes and you’re already crying?” the glue turned to silly putty, and the foal peeled it off gladly, unzipping her mouth.
“I’m not crying, it was just scary!” the filly sneered.
“I dunno, I thought I saw a tear,” Scootaloo smiled deviously, looking at the Earth pony with a grim satisfaction.
The pony blubbered, trying to come up with an explanation before finally muttering, “Stupid blank-flanked dodo...” and resting her head on her desk.
“Now, where was I?”
“Y’were at Sombra turnin’ over t’the dark side.”
“Right, thank you, Applebloom,” he smiled at the filly in the hairbow and continued. “Right, so old Sombrero was reading more and more about dark magic, and continued to try to help his sister. But the more he did to help her, the worse she got, as the magic warped her more and more, giving her her ability to change form.”
“But why does she look like a giant bug? What about the other Changelings, where did they come from?” Dinky asked, and Discord noticed for the first time that she had been writing everything he had said down with great interest. He was almost flattered.
“Well, one of the spells he tried as he began grasping at straws was a sort of cocoon spell. I told him that wouldn’t work, of course, but why should he listen to me? He obviously knew sooo much better,” he scowled. “The spell was supposed to help growth, like a butterfly coming from a cocoon, but it doesn’t work with mammals like you ponies. But Sombra knew better than me, or Star Swirl, or literally every other pony who had ever attempted the spell, and decided to go about it anyway. The magic didn’t work right, and although she certainly grew, the spell had side effects, making her more insect like. Irony if I ever saw it.”
“Irony? Why?”
“Well, her special talent before all this had happened had been studying bugs, and now she was one!” he let out a dry chuckle, although it was surprisingly humorless.
Dinky raised her hoof again, then spoke, not bothering to be called on. “But what about the other Changelings?”
He shrugged. “Another side effect of Sombra’s spells. The poor boy didn’t really know what he was doing by the end, really, and tried to separate her essence into several entities, hoping to find a speck of love and amplify it. It didn’t work, but now he had literal manifestations of her love deficiency running amok. Luckily she didn’t mind, and took them in as her subjects.”
“So why’d Sombra take over the Crystal Empire?”
“The long story short is that dark magic messes with your mind, and his goal to help his sister was eventually overshadowed for his goal for more dark magic, and the crystal that amplified it. He may have justified it to himself by saying he was getting revenge for Chrysalis, as well, by taking away Cadence’s empire.”
“But Ah though the Heart amplified love?”
“If that’s what it’s being given, yes, but it can also spread darkness. So Sombra used his dark powers to defeat Cadence, and the Empire fell.”
“Well, what about a dragon an’ chaos reignin’? Sombra’s not a dragon!”
“No, no, but I’m part dragon, and my rule started not long after. Sombra wasn’t in power for long.” he shrugged. 
Sweetie Belle blinked. “I’m confused.”
“About what?”
“If Cadence lived a long time ago, how come she foalsat Twilight?”
“Her growth remained stunted until her Empire started to return, of course.”
“But her Empire just returned last year, and she didn’t start aging then!”
“Well, she’s an alicorn, for one, so that explains a bit. Besides, Empires don’t just pop out of nowhere, it came back gradually! Everything from a thousand years ago seems to be returning, and there have been small signs for everything, magical imbalances, the like. Except for me, of course, but that’s all thanks to you three.” then something occurred to him. If everything from a thousand years ago was returning...
No, Cerberus was good at his job, there was no need to ponder over him.
“Huh...” Pipsqueak scratched his head. “Is that why Queen Chrysalis took over Princess Cadence’s wedding? As revenge for what happened?”
“Precisely! Technically, she could have chosen any couple that truly loved each other, this was just more fun.” 
Applebloom blinked, then raised her hoof. “Is all this true, or is this like th’time y’told us that Celestia nearly doomed th’world an’ fried us all inta sausages by hurt’lin’ us int’the sun?”
“Well, both of those stories are exactly how I remember them,” he sniffed indignantly. “It isn’t my fault if history tells them differently.”
“Uh... What’s a sausage?” asked Snails, blinking slowly.
“Trust me, Snails, y’don’t wanna know...”
“Great story,” Diamond deadpanned. “But you were supposed to tell a story about Screwball’s family. Unless she’s related to Chrysalis and Sombra, too?” her voice lacked a bit of the bite it usually had, as she was still shaken, but her disdain was clear.
“I did! I told you about Cadence. Cousins count as family, don’t they?”
Silver Spoon’s eyes widened. “You mean Screwball and Cadence are cousins?!”
“Well, of course. Cadence is Celestia’s niece, I was adopted into the royal family, so she’s my niece as well, and Screwball is my daughter, making them cousins.”
Diamond and Silver’s mouths dropped as the whole class looked at Screwball in shock.
The bullies looked at each other, a sick feeling in the pits of their stomachs.
Because the filly they had been relenting for a while was a freak, yes.
But she wasn’t just a freak. No, she was a powerfully magical royal freak with the god of chaos as her father, an Element of Harmony as her mother, and the rulers of the country as her aunts.
All of whom were much, much more powerful than their daddies or the school board.
Oh, they were screwed... 
Pip was the first to speak. “So you know Princess Luna, then?”
“Yeah, I know Lulu! She’s a lot more fun than Celly!”
Totally and completely screwed.
The colt let out a soft, “Woah...” he blushed. “Could you... could you maybe bring her one day for Family Appreciation Day, too?”
Screwy shrugged. “Yeah, maybe, if she’s up. She sleeps during the day, y’know?”
At that moment, the bell rang, signaling recess, and the end of the time allotted for Family Appreciation Day.
Thank Celestia, was all Cheerilee could think as the fillies and colts rushed outside for recess. 
“Discord?” Applebloom stopped on her way out and faced the draconequus. “Remember we got a meetin’ t’day, alright?” 
The god groaned. “If we’re trying for chaos cutie marks, why do we have to have scheduled times? Shouldn’t it be spontaneous?”
“Because th’last time ya tried t’be spontaneous y’ended up with a third degree burn from Rarity’s hair curler.”
“I still don’t see what her problem was, I don’t look anything like a robber, and three in the morning isn’t that early! Pinkie wakes up an hour before that.”
Applebloom shrugged. “Look, th’point is we have a meetin’, an’ ya gotta be there on time. We can’t go dimension hoppin’ without you, after all!” she started to go, then added. “Oh, an’ bring Pinkie. She’s good with portals an’ stuff, right?” the filly giggled. “Any help we can get an’ all!”
The filly left then, running out to join Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, who had already started a game of catch.
Screwball, who had been waiting for her friend to finish, leapt from her seat and, like usual, nearly tackled her father in a bone crushing hug. To Cheerilee’s great surprise, the spirit didn’t squirm or push her away, but actually hugged her back.
“Thanks, Daddy, that was great!” the filly beamed up at her father. 
The draconequus ruffled his daughter’s curls. “Anytime- this was interesting, actually. Your classmates aren’t what I expected.”
Screwball nodded. “Yeah, they’re not as boring as I thought they were gonna be the first day!” the filly let go of her father then, screwing up her face. “Um, I wanted to-”
Discord didn’t even let her finish her sentence, snapping his claws and producing a sack lunch. “You forgot this, right?”
“Yeah... I woulda just made myself something, but then everypony woulda wanted me to make them somethin’, and I’m not making anything for anypony but me!” then she stopped. “Or you. Or Mommy, or Applebloom, or Sweetie or Scoots. But that’s it!”
He chuckled. “Good. I don’t want you straining yourself.”
“I won’t, Daddy, I promise! See you later!” the filly grabbed the lunch, beamed, pecked her father on the cheek and hovered off to join her friends.
Cheerilee looked at the filly, then at Discord, still surprised at the display of affection that had played out in front of her. Then she cleared her throat. “Well, Discord, um, thank you for coming in, it’s been... interesting... and I think the class really learned a lot! Um, if you-”
“Yes, yes, I’ll be off, you don’t have to ask me twice,” the spirit said, before popping off. 
The teacher blinked and composed herself, still trying to process everything that had happened. She walked out of the schoolhouse and shook her head, getting back into her teaching mode. 
“Alright, everypony, I just want to remind you to get your algebra books and homework on your desk at the end of recess!” the teacher smiled.
Scootaloo and Screwball stopped playing for a moment, looked at each other, and grinned. 
“Miss Cheerilee, about that...”
The teacher groaned internally.
Yup, she was right.
This was still going to be a long day.
> What My Cutie Mark is Telling Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	He was able to tell something was wrong immediately.
See, Pinkie Pie was a chubby pony- a bit squishy, a bit heavy. And Discord had gotten used to a certain weight resting on him when he woke up- the combined weight of Screwy and Pinkie who, together, actually weighed quite a bit.
The weight today was different. Not the same different as when it was just Screwball, because that happened every so often, where he’d wake up and Screwball was the only one still in bed. And it wasn’t a normal weight fluctuation, either. In the months- months, had it really been that long?- since he’d been living in the bakery, he had grown used to increases and decreases, but never to this scale.
She’d never been bony before, though. Confused, he opened his eyes, surprised to see not the normal bubblegum pink of his roommate, but a more buttery yellow.
He looked at the pony, his brow furrowing. Yellow fur, pale pink mane, wings? No, no, that wasn’t right...
He shifted, ignoring his daughter’s whines of protest, instead opting to poke the yellow mare. She looked up at him blearily, rubbing her eyes, and squeaked once she realized who she was face to face with.
“Fluttershy, my dear, it’s wonderful to see you, of course,” this actually wasn’t a complete lie- other than Pinkie, she was the only one who seemed to even sort of trust him, and so he tolerated her a bit more than the others, “but I have to ask- why are you in my bed?”
“Um...” the pony refused to meet his gaze, instead, covering her face with her mane. “This is... this is my bed, Discord... I... I live here...”
He snorted. “No, no, this is Sugarcube Corner.”
Her large teal eyes looked at him. “Um, yes, it is. And... and this is my room...” her voice was very quiet, of course, but there was a little confidence in there somewhere. She was completely certain she was right.
She moved out of his coils, and he noticed something else very wrong.
Pinkie’s cutie mark was on her flank.
He was certain of that.
Now, he certainly didn’t spend much time staring at Pinkie’s flank, being the gentleman he was, but he knew her cutie mark when he saw it, and that was it. 
... So where had Fluttershy’s butterflies gone?
“Where’s Pinkie Pie?”
The mare looked completely befuddled now.
“Well, she’s at Sweet Apple acres, but.... why are you asking?”
“Why is she at the farm, of all places?”
“...Because she works there?” this was phrased as a question, and if it had been anypony else, Discord would have thought she was being sarcastic, but he doubted the pegasus had a sarcastic bone in her body.
He blinked again, processing the answer. Okay, now he was really confused, and he didn’t like it. He was supposed to create confusion, not experience it.
“Are you okay, Discord? Do you... do you need some help, or-”
“No, no, I’m fine... I’ll just be on my way,” he said, very flatly. There was something very, very wrong here.
And with that, he took Screwball and poofed away.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

“Dad, why are we here?” Screwball was currently flopped on her father’s head, half asleep, rubbing her eyes and complaining like a child- which, of course, she was. “Auntie Tia just raised the sun a while ago!”
“I know, but Fluttershy said that your mother should be here, and I want to know why.”
“Apple pickup? She made a lot of apple pie yesterday...” she just wanted to get back home. Her dad was overreacting, she was sure everything was fine.
“No, it’s something more than that. Didn’t you notice Fluttershy’s cutie mark?” he asked his daughter.
She blinked. “Butterflies?”
He shook his head, and she held on a bit tighter. “Not today- it was three balloons-”
“Like mommy!”
“Precisely, and Fluttershy said that Pinkie worked here-”
“But she doesn’t!” the filly frowned. “Weird...” she hovered in front of her father, a stern frown on her face. (Well, as stern as she could get. Which actually wasn’t very stern... it actually looked more like a pout.) “You didn’t release any magic yesterday, did you?”
“Me?” he looked at her, offended. “Of course not! And if I had, I wouldn’t have used it on Pinkie- chaos knows she doesn’t need more, the world might explode.” then his eyes narrowed. “What about you, my little monster? Did you do anything you want to tell me?”
“Me!?” she looked at him, equally offended. “If I’d done anything, why would I have asked you!?”
“It’s a good cover up, one of the oldest tricks in the book-”
“And so is blaming someone else!” she glared at him, eyes swirling violently. The draconequus glared right back, and father and daughter faced off, in a death stare.
That was, until Screwball smiled and stuck out her tongue, erupting into a fit of giggles. Discord’s lips twitched, and he soon found himself laughing as well.
They were interrupted from their giggles by a very familiar voice. “What’re you two laughing at?”
The pair stopped their laughing, looking down at a very dull looking Pinkie.
And that’s when Discord realized something else was wrong. 
Her mane was flat.
In the months- still strange to think about, months- he had lived with Pinkie, he had seen this maybe ten or eleven times, and it was never fun.
The first time had been the most jarring.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

“Are you... curling your hair, Pinkie?” he yawned, looking at Pinkie blearily, rubbing his eyes.
The mare stiffened, dropping her curling iron. Discord snapped his talons, keeping it from falling on the ground, and potentially setting the very flammable paper mache floor on fire. She gave him a weak smile as it floated up towards her and she grabbed it. “Thanks, Dis.”
“Are you curling your hair?” he repeated. It was strangely flat, and Discord had a bad feeling about that... the last time that had happened, she had been talking about her family, and if he didn’t like it then, he certainly didn’t like it now.
“Oh, yeah,” she nodded, taking another lock of hair and curling it into a loop. “I am.”
“But, why? Your mane is even frizzier than Screwball’s,” he looked at his daughter fondly, running a paw through her mane. The filly smiled in her sleep and nestled closer to her father. “If that’s even possible.”
She gave a small laugh, and a bit of her normal spark seemed to return to her eyes, but she still didn’t look quite right.
She seemed... duller, and a bit down.
Now, Discord, of course, wasn’t great with pony emotions. Heck, he didn’t even understand his own emotions half the time, but he did know Pinkie, and this...
This wasn’t right.
“Are you alright, my dear?” he had enough tact to know to ask that, at least.
Her shoulders slumped and she set down the curling iron. “It’s just not gonna be the best day, that’s all. It happens sometimes. I just get tired, and a bit sad, and... It’s okay.”
That... wasn’t the answer he was expecting. His brow furrowed as the pony’s smile wavered, but he wasn’t really sure what to do, so he just frowned.
That was also the day that he remembered just how strange ponies truly were.
It was obvious to anypony who was even sort of paying attention that Pinkie just wasn’t quite herself that day.
Okay, no, that was wrong. She was still herself, she was still Pinkie, she was just a different version of Pinkie.
But it was really obvious, wasn’t it?
Discord had to marvel at how ignorant Pinkie’s friends were throughout the whole day.
It was more than just the mane, which was more loosely curled than normal. It was more than just her coat, which was relatively dull. 
Her smile was strained, her eyes were dim, there were bags under her eyes and she just seemed off.
Perhaps it was willful ignorance, then.
He’d discovered that ponies were remarkably good at only seeing what they wanted to see.
And nopony liked to see the Element of Laughter doing anything but laughing.
Including him.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

“Your mane is straight.” It wasn’t a question, but Pinkie still seemed confused, and unsure of how to answer.
“Uh, yes?” she had the faintest hint of a Southern drawl, and sweat lined her brow. Discord noticed, for the first time, that she had a rather large train of carts attached to her, all filled to the brim with apples. 
They looked almost the same as the apples that now adorned her flank.
Screwball seemed to notice that about the same time her father did, and her eyes widened. “Mommy, what’s up with your cutie mark?”
“... Mommy?” Pinkie Pie looked at her, completely confused. “Why are you calling me that, Screwball? I’m not your mommy.”
The filly physically drew back, her face showing a mixture of confusion and hurt, her eyes scanning the mare below her. She hovered down gently, looking up at her father, who seemed just as shocked as her, and then looked back at her moth- at Pinkie. “W-what?”
Pinkie, on her part, looked upset too, if only for upsetting the filly. “Well, I’m not your mom. Sorry, Screwball, I’m just... not... I dunno why you’d think I am...” she looked at the pair, still unsure. 
“But...” Screwball started, before realizing it wasn’t worth continuing. She just sniffled.
Pinkie looked at her, brushing her mane out of her face, and for a second, something seemed to click. “C’mon, Screwball, give me a smile? You’re so good at it.” the request wasn’t unusual for Pinkie, but it sounded different, more unsure, more sad. But then she shook her head and the scrap of... purpose... faded. “Never mind... I have t’get back to my chores...” she sighed at the thought, then gave a weak smile- probably the weakest the pair had ever seen. “I’ll see you two later.” 
“Mom...?” Screwball whispered, voice shaking. They watched her retreat back into the orchard, and were about to follow when-
“You.”
Discord whipped around, only to find himself somehow being glared down by a purple unicorn less than half his height.
“What. Did. You. Do?”
His eyes widened. “Me?”
“Yes, you! I was starting to think it might have been my spell, but this has your name on it! Turn them back,” the mare hissed. “Now.”
He leaned down, glaring right back. “Why don’t you do it?” then he frowned. “...Wait, them? So it’s more than just Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?”
Twilight and Spike, who was on her back, looked at him, surprise flickering across their features before quickly being replaced by annoyance. “So you didn’t mean to affect anypony but Fluttershy and Pinkie? Why them?”
“I didn’t mean to affect anyone, my dear, I didn’t do anything-”
“And I should believe that because...?”
“Because why would I want to change my only friend?” he asked, exasperated, before his mismatched eyes widened.
Twilight stared at him, shock evident on her face. Spike was looking at him in complete disbelief. Even Screwball looked surprised, although the shock was soon replaced with a small smile.
“Pinkie’s your friend?”
“Well...” Twilight could hardly believe it- he seemed almost sheepish. In any other situation she may have found that a bit amusing, but her friends’ switched cutie marks were still in the back of her mind, sucking any humor from the situation. He cleared his throat. “Relatively speaking, I suppose so...” he seemed desperate not to admit it again, but Screwball’s smile just kept getting wider and wider. He shot his filly a dirty look, but then he felt bad when the filly stopped smiling.
Spike tapped her on the shoulder, his little face screwed up in thought. “I think he’s telling the truth, Twilight. I dunno, but I don’t think he had anything to do with this.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” he groaned, and she nodded curtly.
“Alright...” she sighed. “Back to my first theory, then...”
“Which was?”
She furrowed her brow. “What?”
“What was your theory?”
Twilight frowned. “No, I mean why do you want to know?”
“So we can help, duh!” Screwball said. “We wanna help Mommy, too.”
“And everypony else, right?” Twilight asked.
The pair shrugged. “Sure,” Screwball said. “I guess.”
The mare sighed. “Fine, follow me, I’ll explain on the way.”
She started to gallop away, and father and daughter followed.
“So then what’s going on? Why is this happening?” Spike asked.
“Last night when you were taking one of your seven-hour bubble baths, I got a special delivery from the princess,” she said, stepping into the library. Spike hopped off her back and the other two entered behind him. “I cast the spell so I could find out what it was, but nothing seemed to happen. But now I know something did happen. The spell has changed the Elements of Harmony! That must be why their cutie marks are all wrong!”
“So just use a counterspell to switch them back!” Spike suggested.
“There is no counterspell!”
Discord took the book and flipped through it, brow furrowing. Star Swirl’s magic was impressive, yes, but he could never really get the hang of unicorn magic- there was a reason Starswirl advised Celestia and Luna in magical matters, and not him. He had actually been a bit peeved at that as a kid, since Star Swirl actually seemed quite entertaining, and seemed like a fun teacher.
Unfortunately, his incompatibility with unicorn magic that made it so he was unable to help. He continued to scan the pages, looking up briefly when his name was mentioned, but when it turned out to just be a reference to when he’d broken free, he found himself gnashing his teeth in frustration.
Chaos magic wouldn’t work, it would likely just make things worse than they already were, if it did anything at all, and he didn’t know enough about unicorn magic to try and channel that sort of harmonious power.
He doubted he even could, really.
Screwball sat on his head, looking down at the book with her dad, just as frustrated. Neither she nor her father were used to feeling helpless, and they couldn’t stand it.
“...Well, maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe our friends will grow to like their new lives,” Spike said in an attempt to remain optimistic.
“No, Spike. They're not who they are meant to be anymore. Their destinies are now changed, and it's all my fault,” she started up the stairs, lying on her bed. “I have to find a wa-” before she could finish her first verse, she felt herself being grabbed and found herself face to face with a very disgruntled draconequus.
“No. No singing, we don’t have time,” he said, as his daughter nodded vehemently in agreement. “We’re fixing this now.”
“Hey!” Spike snapped. “She’s trying! She’d do anything to help our friends!”
The mare nodded, then her eyes widened. “My friends...” she beamed, and Discord could have sworn she was almost glowing. “I know what I have to do!”
All three of them smiled, as well, and Spike asked, rather excitedly, “You do?”
“I may not be able to remind them of who they are, but I can show them what they mean to each other. They'll find the part of themselves that's been lost so they can help the friend they care about so much! Come on, you three!”
They followed Twilight out the door, but when they started towards Sugarcube Corner, Discord frowned. “Pinkie’s at the farm, remember?”
“Yes, I do,” she nodded. “We’re going to Fluttershy first. She’s the most sensitive, so I’d imagine she’s taking failure the worst. I don’t want her worried any longer than she has to be.”
Discord chuckled, but it was a bit exasperated, and he seemed not to believe what he was hearing. “No, no, no, my dear, we’re going to the farm first. We nee-”
“Look, Discord, I know you want to help Pinkie, and I do too, but I feel like Fluttershy needs our help first. I’m sorry, but I’m putting my hoof down on this.”
He growled. “But-”
“No buts.”
Discord groaned. “Then we can go to Pinkie?”
“Well, no,” she shook her head. “If Fluttershy helps Rainbow, then Rainbow is going to see Fluttershy get her cutie mark. She’ll be confused until we help her get her own mark back, so we should do that next. Then we just go down the line... Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie.” 
“So Mom’s last?” Screwball asked, looking annoyed. 
“Well, yes, but I’m sure she’ll be okay until-”
“Her mane is straight, Twilight. She isn’t okay right now,” Discord snapped, shaking his head.
“She’s okay. She hasn’t gone psychotic like last time, so it’s fine- I want to fix her as soon as possible, of course, but Fluttershy is my top priority.” then she frowned. “How do you know what a straight mane for her means, anyway?”
“Well, I do live with her.”
The mare considered this for a moment. “I guess that makes sense.”
“And that’s why I know that she isn’t okay,” he insisted. 
Twilight sighed. “I know she isn’t. None of them are. I guess we could-” her eyes widened as she spied something- Fluttershy seemed to be packed and making her way towards the town’s hot air balloon. “Oh no... Fluttershy wait!”
The pegasus turned around. “Oh... hey, Twilight...” she saw the others and nodded at them. as well.
“Where are you going?”
“I'm moving back to Cloudsdale,” she looked up at the clouds sadly, then sighed, looking back to her friend. “I don't know what's wrong, but I can't seem to make anypony laugh...” she took out a whoopee cushion, watching on sadly as it deflated. Discord snorted slightly, and Fluttershy looked up hopefully, before realizing that that the laugh wasn’t exactly for the right reasons. When she realized that, she deflated quicker than the whoopee cushion had, and Discord couldn’t help but feel a little bad, partially because of the glares he was receiving from Twilight and Spike. (Screwball, unsurprisingly, was giggling as well.)
Twilight then turned back to Fluttershy and asked if she would be willing to help Rainbow Dash with her animals. After a bit of uncertainty and some schmaltz about “true friendship,” they were on their way.
They opened the cottage door, only to find Rainbow Dash trapped in a pot, being surrounded by a circle of angry, hungry animals. Discord was alright with leaving her there, in all honesty, and just moving on to Pinkie, but he had a feeling he would be the only one with that opinion, (with the exception of, perhaps, Screwball,) and so he decided not to voice it.
After a bit of gentle persuasion on Twilight’s part, Fluttershy was able to calm down the animals. She realized that this was her true purpose, what she was really meant to do, and quick as a wink, Twilight clasped her Element around her throat, watching happily as her friend’s old life flashed before her eyes.
“Wha... what happened?” she asked, looking at Twilight with wide eyes. 
“Fluttershy, look! Your cutie mark! It worked! It worked! Oh, I'm so happy you're back to normal! Now we need your help!” she grinned and looked at the mare. “A true, true-”
“Nope!” Screwball shook her head, pulling the two apart. “Daddy was right, we don’t have time for drawn out, repetitive songs, we need to help Mommy, okay?” she gave them both a steely look, and the two ponies nodded. “Now come on.”
“Uh, hello, friend trapped inside,  remember?”
The two ponies helped Dash out of the cauldron and untied her, before leaving to find Rarity.
When they did, Twilight smiled and put a hoof on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Rarity needs your help, she’s-”
“Bust the clouds and put on the necklace,” Discord cut in, shooing her into the air.
“But I don’t know anything about weather!” Rainbow protested. 
“Won’t you try? For Rarity?” asked Fluttershy. The technicolor pegasus nodded, and, hesitantly, kicked a cloud. When it broke apart, her eyes widened, and she gave a small smile. Within a matter of seconds the sky  was clear, and the mare hovered towards the ground, wiping sweat from her brow. Twilight put her friend’s Element on her, and its ruby color returned.
“Uh,” Rainbow looked around. “What happened?”
“There's no time to explain, but we need your help. Applejack's trying to make dresses!”
Rainbow snorted. “Say no more!”
The group rushed to the Carousel Boutique, where they went through the same spiel, and then they were finally on the way to the farm. 
When they got there, they saw Pinkie struggling to fix a water chute that was twisted and bent out of shape. She looked like she was about to cry, but when Discord went to lift it and stop it from pouring its contents all over her, but Twilight held out a hoof to let Applejack did it instead.  
As Applejack did more and farmwork, Pinkie brightened more and more, but also seemed more and more confused. Discord and Screwball stayed close to her, unsure of what else to do, and, when Applejack’s Element returned to normal, the pair grinned, looking at Pinkie.
“Your turn, my dear,” the draconequus grinned, and Pinkie looked at him, blankly, her expression growing even more confused as Applejack placed the mare on her back and trotted into town. Discord and Screwball didn’t even stop Applejack from singing this time.
“The townspeople need ya, they’ve been sad fer a while! They march around, face a-frown and never seem t’smile. And if ya feel like helpin’ we’d appreciate a loooot! If ya get out there an’ spread some cheer from here t’Canterlot!”
The crowd waited with baited breath as her memories returned, but when her hair puffed back up, Discord couldn’t help keep the grin off his face.
“C’mon, ponies, I wanna see you smile!”
“PINKIE!” the crowd cheered, and Screwball ran up to her. 
“Mommy?”
“Hiya, Screwy!” the mare beamed, and Screwball’s eyes widened.
“Mommy!” she repeated, tackling her mother in a hug, then grabbing her father to make him join in. Despite himself, he allowed himself to be wrapped up in the hug, before the mare was swarmed with her friends, all trying to do the same. 
Inevitably, the whole fiasco turned into a parade, as that was just the effect Pinkie had on others, and Discord didn’t even mind all that much. Pinkie was back to normal, so why should he? Now, he wasn’t particularly happy to actually be in the parade, but Pinkie had sort of dragged him along once it started, and he was too thrilled to have her back to argue with her.
When the parade ended, the six friends all hugged, before Twilight broke the embrace off, saying, “Wait a second, that's it! I understand now! I know how to fix the spell!” She galloped off to the library and the others followed, including Spike, Screwball and Discord.
The mare levitated the quill and spellbook, smiling. “From all of us together, together we're friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end!”
Discord couldn’t help but gag a bit at that, but his revulsion was soon cut short as the Element of Magic started to glow, and the other Elements started to shoot her with light. 
Discord shielded his eyes and made sure Screwball was doing the same, and when the light had faded, he was shocked to see nothing but a scorch mark in the shape of her cutie mark.
Fluttershy gasped. “What- what happened?” The others started to yell and cry out, confused as well.
“Am I an accomplice to murder now?” Screwball asked loudly, drawing the attention of the others.
“Technically, I think we’re just witnesses to mareslaughter, since it wasn’t intentional.”
Fluttershy looked at the pair, horrified. “M-mareslaughter...?”
“No, we can’t’ve... Ah don’t believe it, we couldn’t have...” Applejack took her hat off, looking at the mark with horror.
Pinkie’s hair started to deflate again, ever so slowly, and Discord’s stomach dropped. He had no idea what to do now.
“Bring her back!” Rainbow snapped, flying up to face him. “You have all sorts of freaky magic, you can just bring her back!”
Discord shook his head. “I can’t. You know my powers are still limited, I certainly can’t perform necromancy-” he stopped suddenly, and his body wobbled like jello. He frowned, his eyes widening- he hadn’t felt such strange surge of magical imbalance since Cadence... Wait... “That can’t be right.”
“What can’t be right?” Rarity asked, but Discord didn’t answer, instead rushing outside.
A bright pink light flooded the sky, and the others galloped out, looking at the sky in amazement. Twilight’s cutie mark floated down from the heavens, eventually transforming into the mare herself.
“Twilight? Is that you?”
Twilight didn’t answer, simply unfurling her new... wings?
Rainbow Dash grinned, chuckling and flying over to Twilight.  “Ha! Twilight's got wings! Awesome! A new flying buddy!”
“Why, you've become an Alicorn. I didn't even know that was possible.”
Pinkie Pie, who was back to being her normal, perky self, grinned and screamed, “Alicorn party!” and dangled from the sky, a cardboard pair of wings and a cardboard horn taped to her body, and tossed confetti and balloons in the air. Screwball couldn’t help but smile, but Discord just looked annoyed. Not at Pinkie, but at something else.
“Wow... You look just like a princess!”
“That’s because she is a princess,” Celestia smiled, descending from the heavens.
Twilight’s eyes widened. “A... princess?”
Discord facepawed, groaning, as Pinkie Pie did a rather humourous spit-take. “Celestia, what did you do?”
“I have made her a princess, Discord,” she frowned at her brother. “She’s earned it. Since she’s come to Ponyville, she’s displayed the charity, compassion, devotion, integrity, optimism, and of course, the leadership of a true princess.”
“But... does this mean I won't be your student anymore?”
“Is that really your first question?” Discord asked, exasperated.
Celestia ignored him this time. “Not in the same way as before. I'll still be here to help and guide you, but we're all your students now, too. You are an inspiration to us all, Twilight.”
Everypony bowed, except for Discord and Screwball. But once Pinkie nudged the draconequus, he sighed, dipping his head- a bit sarcastically, yes, but he still did it. Celestia looked at the pair, impressed.
“But... what do I do now? Is there a book about being a princess I should read?” Twilight asked, panic starting to set in.
Celestia, however, laughed and drove away her fears. “There will be time for all of that later.”

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

Plans for the mare’s coronation started almost immediately, but Celestia had something else on her mind.
Before she left that night, she pulled Pinkie aside. Discord, who was nearby, listened in- Celestia seemed unaware.
“Hiya, Princess!” the mare beamed. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering about your progress with Discord. He seems to listen to you, and I was wondering if you thought he was reformed yet?”
Pinkie blinked. “Reformed?”
“Yes.”
“Nope, don’t think so.”
Discord was surprised to find himself hurt when she said that. He hadn’t actively been trying to reform, really, but he also hadn’t been going out of his way to cause trouble. He’d been listening to Pinkie and-
“I don’t think he needed to be!”
Both Discord and Celestia looked at her, shocked.
“If you’re asking if I think he cares about other ponies more, though, then for sure! Twilight said he did his best to help me today, and he was really worried! He’s even a part of a club, and he seems to get along with other ponies a lot better. But I never really thought he needed to be reformed, ‘cause he wasn’t ever bad!”
Now he would never admit this, not in a million years, but the draconequus was touched. He smiled softly, and Celestia nodded. “I see. Discord, come here. I know you’ve been listening.”
Pinkie giggled at the look on her friend’s face as he approached- he was surprised, to say the least, but his expression quickly changed to a more guarded one.
“Yes, Tia?”
“Do you agree with what Pinkie Pie has said?”
“Would you trust me if I said I did?”
She chuckled. “No, I suppose not. But I do trust her. So I’ve decided to give you your full power back, and give you the freedom to live wherever you want.”
He raised his brow, stroking his beard. “No catch?”
“No catch.” She smiled and her horn started to glow, and Discord felt his power being replenished. His felt stronger, more lively than he had in months. He beamed, and snapped his fingers.
“Whatcha makin’?” Pinkie asked excitedly.
“A pocket dimension, my dear. I’ll just pack my things and-”
“You’re... leaving?” she asked, looking at him with sad eyes.
He looked surprised. “Well, yes. Celly said you don’t have to house me anymore, I just thought you would like me out of your hair.”
“Are you crazy?! I love living with you! The bakery’s never been livelier, my room’s never been more fun, the twins love you, and even the Cakes like you!” she giggled. “Plus, you’re really snuggly!”
Celestia laughed at the utterly embarrassed look that graced her brother’s features, smiling gently.
“Well...” he couldn’t say no to that face, he knew it, and he suddenly found himself not wanting to leave as much as he thought he did. But with Celestia there, he couldn’t just change his mind... he had to save face. “I suppose pocket dimensions are outside the Ponyville school district, and Screwball shouldn’t change schools in the middle of the year...”
His sister rolled her eyes and gave him a teasing smile, but before he could snap at her, a very adorable party pony flung her hooves around his neck and beamed up at him. “Thanks, Dissy.” she nuzzled into his chest, and an unfamiliar feeling of a heated blush crept up his neck to his cheeks. It was... weird, and mildly uncomfortable, but it was also kind of fuzzy and warm, so we wasn't sure how he felt about it. Still, he smiled, and, for the first time, hugged her back.
“Of course, Pinkie Pie.”
> Don't Feed the Plants
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“I still don’t understand why we can’t go with you to help Twilight set up in Canterlot...” Screwball was pouting, every so often taking something out of Pinkie’s suitcase so she would have to repack it. This was her subtle way of telling Pinkie she didn’t want her to go, and the mare was tolerating it, for the most part, mostly because she understood her daughter was upset.
Besides, Screwball had done much, much worse.
“You can blame yourself for that, Screwy,” Pinkie shrugged, stuffing her party cannon into a bag it most certainly should not have fit into. “And your daddy.”
“Turn one pony’s bones to jelly-” Discord began, groaning.
“And you’re faced with a lawsuit!” Screwball finished, looking indignant. “We didn’t even hurt her!”
“Besides, she got what she deserved,” Discord growled. “We could have done quite a lot more, we restrained ourselves.”
Pinkie looked at them sympathetically. “Look, Upper Crust’s a real snob, and a real meanie, too, but you can’t just turn skeletal systems into delicious jelly!”
“Why not?!”
“Because then lawyers get involved and there’s a court case and your daddy gets a restraining order and it’s a huge headache for everypony involved,” she said, zipping up the case. “I mean, it was really funny when it happened but-”
“She made fun of my eyes! She called ‘em a crime against nature! Only Dad’s allowed t’do that! Daddy and me-”
“‘Daddy and I,’ Screwy,” Discord corrected absentmindedly.
The filly looked up at her dad, annoyed. “I’m tryin’ to defend you here dad.”
“Oh, right, of course, go on.”
Pinkie took this opportunity to put a hoof around the filly’s shoulders and say, “You gotta defend yourself against bullies, even adult ones, and using chaos to do it is okay, too, but next time you and Dissy should try something that doesn’t send internal organs smashing into each other, okay?”
Screwball groaned. “I still don’t get why we can’t go...” 
“Upper Crust and Jet Set are high society, they’re probably going to be at the Celebration! And they’re definitely going to be in Canterlot. If you and Dissy get within 300 feet-”
“Yes, yes, we’re aware,” the draconequus waved his hand. 
“Pinkie Pie, your friends are here!” Mrs. Cake’s voice drifted up the stairs. 
“Coming!” she beamed. “Alright you two, I’ll see you in a few days! Remember to feed Gummy, and do your homework, okay Screwy?” the child responded with a scowl, but nodded. “Okie dokie, I’ll see ya!” she kissed Screwball’s temple, and ruffled her mane, then waved to Discord, grabbing her bags. “Bye!”
She started to go, then stopped suddenly and turned around. “Don’t destroy anything?”
“We’ll make no promises.”
She laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” And with that she hopped away.
The filly watched Pinkie trot down the street, then Screwball turned towards her father, and put on the best puppy dog face she could. “So, Daddy, I don’t have to go to school while Mommy’s gone, do I? I only have two days left...”
Discord smiled and shook his head, “Of course you don’t, my little a-”
“TAKE HER TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!” came a high pitched voice in the distance, and Screwball sighed. Discord shrugged and gestured in the direction of Pinkie’s voice. “Sorry, Mom says no.”
Screwball frowned. “Since when do you listen to Mom?”
“I don’t li-”
“Yes you do,” she pouted.
He glared at his filly. “Fine, if you don’t want to go to school, you don’t have to-”
“Discord...” came a voice coming from the mirror. The pair looked into the glass incredulously, shocked to see Pinkie’s face glaring back at them. 
“That’s why I listen to your mother, Screwball.” He pointed to the mirror. “Fine, my dear, I’ll take her to school.”
Pinkie giggled. “Good. See ya!” and with that, she disappeared from the mirror.
“Dad, are you sure she’s not made’ve chaos magic, too?”
“You know, I’ve started to wonder that as well.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________

“Pinkie, where’d you go?” Twilight looked around the train station, her brow furrowing. How she had managed to lose her peppy pink friend?
“Oh, Dissy was gonna let Screwy miss school. I couldn’t let that happen!” she laughed, popping up behind the alicorn. Spike, who was on her back, jumped.
“Did you go all the way back to Sugarcube Corner?” Twilight asked, looking at the bakery in the distance. “And how did you even know that-”
“Sugarcube, are ya really tryin’ t’make sense’ve Pinkie Pie?” Applejack asked, chuckling.
“Right...” Twilight laughed sheepishly. “Of course, silly me.”
“All aboard!” the conductor called, and the ponies filed in. 
“You been doing your wing exercises?” Rainbow asked Twilight as they settled in. “You really gotta be in tip top shape to do the kinda stunt you’re gonna be trying to pull.”
“Oh, well, yes, I have,” she smiled, shifting her wings uncomfortably. “I also did some extra things I found in a few training books-”
“You didn’t do too much, did you?” she asked, concerned. “You don’t want to strain yourself.”
She looked nervous. “I don’t think so, but I-
“Don’t worry her so much, Rainbow Dash. Ah’m sure yer fine, Twi.”
“Thanks, Applejack.”
Rainbow scowled slightly. “Look, Applejack, I wasn’t-”
“So, um, how’s Screwball?” Fluttershy asked Pinkie, hoping to avoid the tense conversation between the two mares next to her, while Spike buried his head in a comic book to do the same thing. Pinkie grinned at the mention of her filly.
“Oh, she’s great! Yesterday she learned how to make pegasus wings on a unicorn... Wish she hadn’t used it on Pumpkin, though, that was a pretty stressful coupla hours!”
“She did what?” asked Rarity. “That’s... that’s incredible magic! She created an alicorn!”
Pinkie smiled, but waved a hoof. “Dissy and I were real proud, but he said that this isn’t really much more magic than his sister and the other draconequui he grew up with had when they were around her age.” she rubbed her chin. “Well, when they looked her age. Maturity wise or whatever. Chaos beings have really weird growth patterns, y’know? But she didn’t really make Pumpkin an alicorn. She was still at her normal magic level, she just had wings, too- like your wings at the Young Flyers Competition, Rarity! Just with feathers, instead. She can’t make a horn, though, but I think she’ll catch on soon!”
“How did she take you leaving for the trip?”
“Well, she was kinda annoyed, but I think she’ll have fun. Dissy’s gonna spoil her rotten for sure, she probably won’t even want me to come home!” she giggled.
“Will he really?” Rarity asked, surprised.
“Oh, for sure! He just can’t say no to Screwy, It’s kinda funny, really.”
Rarity nodded. “That’s actually rather sweet.”
“Yeah, he can be a bit of a softie!” she smiled. “Don’t tell him I said that though, I don’t think he’d be all that happy to hear me say that.”
“Of course not, darling,” the unicorn smiled. “I have to say, he seems to be quite good with children. I’m still a bit... nervous leaving him with Sweetie Belle, but she said he’s been a wonderful addition to their little club.”
“Oh, yeah, he’s been helping them to try and get cutie marks with chaos magic! Yesterday I think they tried Cutie Mark Crusaders shapeshifters. Dissy said you flirted with him, Rarity.”
“What? I never flirted with- oh...” Rarity turned bright red, her eyes widening in realization. “Oh my...he... he didn’t happen to shapeshift into a unicorn stallion yesterday, did he? With brown and grey fur-”
“And a golden apple cutie mark? Sure did!” she giggled. “He told me to tell you that he was awful flattered, but you’re not his type.”
“I- well, I-”
“Wait, that weirdo has a type?” Rainbow snorted, having stopped arguing with Applejack. “Geez, what kinda type is that? A psychopath?”
Pinkie shrugged. “I dunno! I asked, but he wouldn’t say!”
“He wouldn’t?”
“Nope! He even blushed! Screwy was laughing like crazy!”
Rainbow scratched her head. “You’re talking about Discord here, right? Like, Discord Discord?”
“Well, yeah! Why?”
“Oh my...” Rarity said, surprised.
“What?” Pinkie asked, quirking her head to the side curiously.
“Oh, um, nothing,” Rarity said quickly.
“Aw, c’mon, tell me!”
“Yeah, I’m confused too,” Rainbow said. “What’re you saying?”
“It... well, it really doesn’t matter, you know,” Rarity gave a weak smile, still unsure of her intuition was even correct. It wasn’t as if she wanted it to be, (nopony deserved for somepony as horrid as Discord to... oh, she didn’t even want to think about it!) so she simply chalked it up to reading too many romance novels in the last few months.
Rainbow looked at her suspiciously, then shrugged. “If you say so.” she looked out the window. They’d departed at dusk, and it was getting dark. The pony yawned, and Applejack smiled. 
“Maybe it’s time fer us t’get some shut-eye. We got a heck of a lot t’do tomorrow, not even includin’ settl’in’ in.”
The blue mare nodded. “Yeah, alright. Who’s bunking with who?”
“Well, how about Rarity with Fluttershy, Twi an’ Pinkie, an’ you an’ me, Dash?”
“Fine by me,” she shrugged. “Long as I get top bunk!”
“What about me?” Spike asked, looking up from his comic. 
“You get a bunk all to yourself, Spike!” Pinkie said happily.
The little reptile’s eyes lit up, and he closed his comic. “Sweet!” Without Twilight in the bunk below or above him, maybe he could just read the night away. Filisecond was in the middle of an enormous duel against the Violinist, and it was a four comic arc, he couldn’t stop reading now-
“You still have to go to bed at a reasonable time, though, Spike,” Twilight said, and Spike was half convinced she could read his thoughts. “After all, we have a big day tomorrow.”
The dragon sighed and sped up his reading, knowing he’d be sent to bed soon, and wanting to read as much as he could before then. 
Pinkie unclasped her suitcase, looking for a snack before she went to bed. She knew she’d packed a few donuts... She rifled through her things, then blinked in surprise. Then her face broke into a watery smile. “Aw, Dis...”
She pulled out a raggedy yellow plush, hugging it close. Rarity quirked a brow.
“What is that?”
“This is Bananas! I made him for Dissy on Hearth’s Warming Eve last year... I can’t believe he packed it for me!” She nuzzled the toy, beaming. She really couldn’t believe it, Discord never went a night without this little plush. Of course, he denied that the toy was a comfort thing in the slightest, but Pinkie knew better, and for Discord to pack him in her suitcase was pretty sweet of him.
She flopped down on her bunk, wrapping herself up as tight as a burrito. Twilight flew into the bunk above her, and everypony else snuggled into their respective beds as well, too tired to be kept awake by the sound of flipping pages and the soft glow emanating from Spike’s bed.
Well, actually, Pinkie was having a hard time falling asleep. She was so used to curling up with Discord and Screwball, having four heartbeats surrounding her, (Discord had three organs that made that sound, after all,) and having light snoring and the scent of chocolate and cotton candy lulling her to dreamland.
She sighed and shut her eyes, nuzzling the little plush Parasprite. It smelled of chocolate and sugar, and a smile graced her lips. She could almost imagine the warmth and the heartbeats... and that was enough.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________

Unbeknownst to her, Discord was having the same problem, and was not dealing with it as well.
“Dad!” came Screwball’s muffled voice, and she struggled to get out from under her father’s form. “Stop rollin’ around!”
“Hmm?” Discord asked, distracted, and half asleep. He tossed and turned a bit more, and Screwball sighed.
“Get off!” she kicked, and Discord recoiled, rubbing his stomach. “Geez, dad, what’s wrong with you?”
“Can’t sleep...” Usually when he couldn’t sleep, he’d either talk to Pinkie, as she often got up early, or pop into Twilight’s library, as she often studied late. She was always fascinated with his stories of Equestria long ago, always longing for more historical information, and it passed the time pleasantly enough. She still didn’t trust him further than she could throw him, and he knew that, but they were amicable to each other, at the least.
Neither one of those was an option right now, obviously.
“Well, you’re crushing me, so I can’t sleep!”
He curled up like a donut, and Screwball hopped in the middle. It wasn’t as snuggly as it usually was with Pinkie, and both father and daughter noticed.
He frowned and closed his eyes, trying to imagine Pinkie. It was strange, because he obviously didn’t miss her presence-- that would just be silly-- but the thought of Pinkie being there already made him relax a bit.
The filly was tossing a bit, too, frowning. The draconequus tightened his coils, and it was warmer and cuddlier. She smiled, but both could tell it was a little strange to be curled up so tightly. With two ponies, it was just as warm, but also looser and more relaxed. Now it... wasn’t.
Sleep was uneasy that night.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Pinkie wasn’t one to keep schedules- spontaneity was a must in jokes and parties and pranks and laughter, and since her life goal was to produce as many smiles as possible, it was impossible to schedule and plan for those sort of things. Who knew when you would meet a gloomy gus? Pinkie sure didn’t, even with her Pinkie Sense and debatable psychic powers, and so planning was not something she did often.
But if she had been the type to make lists and charts and complex schedules, she wouldn’t have been able to squeeze in even a minute to miss her family.
There was just so much to do! The Summer Sun Celebration was basically a huge party, and, being a certified party pony, it was her duty to help out in any way she could, even if nopony actually asked her to do so. So she found herself running around constantly, between helping with decorations and treats and watching Twilight try to perform what she liked to call a Sonic Starburst, and really had almost no time to rest or think about Screwball and Discord. 
On the last day, she finally had some time to rest, letting her mind wander a bit as she watched her rather ungraceful alicorn friend fly through the air, dropping altitude and stopping to panic every few seconds in a flurry of feathers and fear. She and her friends cheered Twilight on, giggling to herself as Twilight told everypony not to call her a princess. She definitely understood that, it must be really weird to be a princess.
With some encouragement, the princess started back into the air to show them all the “big finish.”
She started to get the hang of it, but just as soon as that happened, she began to crash, faceplanting into the ground and kicking up dirt.
“Wow! That was a big finish!” Pinkie giggled, but stopped when her alicorn friend shot her a look. “Really, I mean it! It’s waaaaaaay better than I could do!”
Twilight sighed, and dusted herself off, and the girls made their way to the castle. “Thanks, Pinkie.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” Dash smiled. “You’ll get the hang of it soon enough!” Twilight gave the pegasus a soft smile back.
“I hope so... I’m just not used to flying yet, you know?” she flexed her wings, looking at them in distrust. “It seems a bit early to be trying to do tricks.”
“Yeh’ll be soaring high before ya know it, Ah’m sure’ve it!” Applejack said encouragingly, and Twilight nodded.
“Thanks,” she smiled.
Rarity stopped in front of a stained glass window, admiring it. “You look amazing darling! They’re really captured your regality.”
“I suppose,” the former unicorn said, obviously uncomfortable.
“Oh, don't be so modest. It's everypony's dream to someday wear a crown and have their coronation ceremony preserved in stained glass for all to see!” the alabaster unicorn said,  sighing softly.
Rainbow snorted. “I don’t know if that’s everypony’s dream...”
“Most of my dreams are about frosting!” Pinkie said helpfully, before becoming lost in a daydream. She faintly heard something about missing the train and true friendship and the Elements of Harmony, but she was too wrapped up in her thoughts about sugar to pay much attention. 
“Right, Pinkie Pie?”
“...Creamy, creamy frosting...”
Fluttershy wiped some drool from her chin and smiled. “You should take that as a yes.”
The group made their way to the train station, bags already packed and in their compartments. 
“We're gonna write you and give you so many details, it'll be like you're in Ponyville with us! Right, girls?”
The others smiled and repeated her patented Pinkie Promise, and, after a few more reassurances that she wouldn’t be missing anything, boarded the train.
Pinkie scribbled a note quickly and handed a note to a nearby messenger pony, knowing that Twilight was going to think she was still missing something since she was silly like that.
She boarded the train and, of course, heard Twilight get her message within a matter of seconds, giggling and letting out a cheerful, “That’s me!” as the locomotive chugged away, before settling in for the ride home.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

	
When the train pulled into the station, there was a small crowd waiting to greet it, consisting of all the Crusaders, both official and honorary. The girls filed out of the train and immediately were surrounded by the Crusaders. 
“Mom!” Screwball beamed, hugging her mother tightly, watching as her friends swarmed their sisters and Angel Bunny, who was at the station as well, refused to greet Fluttershy. Well, refused for a minute or two before breaking down and nestling in her hair.
“Heya, Screwy!” she laughed. “How was staying with your dad?”
“I went to bed at four in the morning last night and had thirty six bottles of whipped cream for dinner!” she giggled, and Discord shook his head rapidly and tried to signal his daughter to stop talking.
“Sounds like fun!” Pinkie said, not even batting an eye. “You go to school?”
“Yup, even though I didn’t want to. I think Daddy was afraid you’d pop in through the mirror again,” she shrugged, before rubbing her eyes tiredly- the train had arrived pretty late, and after a few days without a good night’s sleep, she was exhausted. Pinkie smiled and knelt down slightly so the filly could sit on her back.
She flopped down happily, closing her eyes. “‘M glad you’re back, Mom...”
“I’m glad I’m back too,” she smiled, struggling to stand back up... Screwball wasn’t that much smaller than her, after all.
Discord noticed this and cleared his throat. “I can take her, if you’d like-”
“Nah, it’s fine,” she smiled, getting up. Nevertheless, Discord snapped, adjusting the gravity around Pinkie and Screwball so the filly seemed lighter. Pinkie rolled her eyes, but she smiled.
“How were things in in Canterlot, then? Does Princess Twilight finally know how to use those wings of hers?”
Pinkie shook her head. “No, not really, but she’s better than me at it!”
“I’m sure that if I were to give you wings, you would be wonderful at flying,” he said.
“Oooh, could you give me a pair tomorrow?”
He snorted. “Why not?”
She grinned. “Looking forward to it!” then her smile grew a bit softer. “Thanks for packing Bananas. He really helped me get to sleep.”
Discord suddenly grew a bit quiet, and he seemed to flush a bit. “Oh, is that where I put him?” he asked, avoiding her gaze.
The pony simply smiled and nudged him gently. “Well, even if it was a mistake, it was nice’ve you. Thanks.”
“... You’re welcome, Pinkie.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________


Discord and Screwball finally had a good nights’ rest that night- not only because Pinkie was back, but because the sun never rose the next morning.
Or maybe the moon just hadn’t set.
It was honestly very hard to tell, but whatever had happened, the result was the little family sleeping in far later than they usually did.
Not that Discord or Screwball particularly minded. The split sky was interesting, and they were all for it. They weren’t really sure why the sky was like that, but, hey, that was half the fun!
Well, they weren’t sure until the vines started to wreak havoc on the town, and then Discord knew exactly what they were dealing with.But as everypony scurried around trying to dispel the weeds, he stayed silent. Nopony had asked him what they were, so why should he tell anypony? Besides, they weren’t hurting anypony, and it was fun to watch them spread. Pinkie
Pinkie was dealing with them well, which didn’t surprise him in the slightest, although he was a little amused by her panicked exclamation of “Don’t feed the plants!” when Pumpkin tried to smash a vine with a cupcake. Obviously he made sure the vines didn’t touch the twins, coaxing them back from the foals whenever they got too close.
Screwball, in the meantime, wasn’t really doing anything to stop the vines, instead relaxing on one with what seemed to be a margarita in one hoof. Discord raised a brow and she scowled, turning it into a rootbeer float. 
Pinkie slid down one and flipped, landing on another that was getting a bit too close to the bakery display case. She heard ponies screeching outside, looked out the window worriedly, rushing outside when she saw Rainbow Dash kicking a vine away from Fluttershy.
“Dad, I’m going with Mom,” Screwball, said. “Seems more exciting.”
“Have fun,” Discord shrugged, reclining on a vine, watching, amused, as Pound smashed a vine with a chair. That baby sure was strong.
As Screwy galloped after her mother, she could faintly hear Applejack say, “The forest is expandin', y'all, and judgin' by how fast it's movin', it doesn't seem content just takin' over Ponyville... I reckon before long, it'll cover half of Equestria!”
“Cool!” she grinned, and the farm pony turned around, looking at her, a bit horrified. “What? I like it like this!” 
Applejack shook her head, as Pinkie shrugged. She wasn’t a fan of the vines herself, but she certainly understood why her daughter was.
“Maybe we should go to the library? I’m sure we could get some answers there,” Fluttershy suggested.
Screwball sighed, but followed her mother and the rest of the group to Golden Oaks. So much for being more exciting...
“Alright, so how has Twilight been shelving the books?” Rainbow asked, scanning the covers. “It seems to change like every week.”
“Publication date, duh,” Screwy said, rolling her swirling eyes.
The group looked at her, confused.
“Look,” she said, pulling out a volume, “This is the oldest recorded legend of all time, Dad told me about it. Really, it’s obvious.” 
“Great job, Screwy!” Pinkie grinned.
“What an absurd way of organizing,” Rarity said.
Screwball shrugged. “Makes sense to me.”
They all grabbed a book, not really knowing what to look for, scanning the tomes, hoping to find anything that could help them dispel the vines. Unsurprisingly, Screwball kept her mouth shut on the situation, instead deciding to read some sort of horror story. It was okay, but could really use some work, she saw the twist coming for a mile away.
When Twilight burst through the window, she barely even looked up, focusing instead on the novel in her hooves.
“Oh, thank goodness!” Rarity smiled.
“Oh, I hope you know we wouldn't normally go through your books without permission...” Fluttershy said, as Spike kissed the ground and thanked the heavens. Screwball snorted at the dragon, and he gave her a dirty look, then absolutely chortled at Twilight’s reaction.
“Yeah, understatement of the century!” she laughed, ignoring a pointed look from Pinkie.
“I dunno if you've noticed, but the Everfree Forest is just a teeny-tiny bit out of control,” Pinkie said.
“Guess it turned out you were missin' something here in Ponyville after all.”
“But perhaps you already know what's causing all of this calamity. Has Princess Celestia sent you to dispel it posthaste?” Rarity asked hopefully.
“Not exactly. You see, Princess Celestia is, well... she and Princess Luna are both...” Twilight looked more uncomfortable and panicked with each syllable, until Spike cut her off, saying, “Gone missing!”
“What?!” Screwball asked, finally looking up from her book.
“I don't know who has taken them, but I've got a hunch we're going to need the Elements of Harmony to get them back.”
“Oh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash grinned, “just like old times!”
“A-boo-yah!” Pinkie cheered.
“I told ya we'd always be connected by the Elements,” Applejack smiled softly, then sighed. “Now we just gotta figure out who to aim these bad boys at so we can get Celestia and Luna back and keep the rest of Equestria from becoming plant food! Any ideas?”
Twilight thought for a minute, and Pinkie looked up from her coloring book. “Well, I haven’t found squat in any of the books I’ve been looking for!” she grabbed a crayon, smiling. “Oops, missed a spot!”
Screwball held out a crayon. “I’m thinking orange.”
“Oh, good call,” she agreed. 
The rest paid the pair no mind, and Twilight continued. “Half day, half night... strange weather patterns... out of control plants. I think I'm starting to get a pretty good idea of who we're up against.”
Pinkie looked up in interest, and the pair followed as the rest of the Elements trotted into town.
Once they were in a small clearing, Twilight concentrated, and after the usual showy magic rainbows, Discord appeared, apparently having decided to take a shower.
“Wait, what?!” Screwball shrieked, looking at Twilight in disbelief. “You can’t be serious!”
Twilight refused to look at the filly, simply going up to Discord, who had already begun to tease the mare, seemingly unaware of why he was there.
“E-nough! Release Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and stop the Everfree Forest from invading!”
“Wait!” Pinkie stepped forward, brow furrowed. “Why do you think he did this?”
“It just makes sense, Pinkie. I’m sorry,” Twilight shook her head.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Discord, crossing his arms.
“Don't you play dumb with us, Discord! We know you're the one behind all of this!” Applejack frowned.
“Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love what you've done with the place, but I couldn't possibly take responsibility. I'm reformed, don't you remember?”
“Yeah, right! This has got your cloven hoofprints all over it!” Rainbow scowled.
“I'll have you know that I have only one cloven hoof,” Discord said, kicking Rainbow’s rump. “Such accusations. And here I thought we were friends,” he pouted indignantly.
“Discord,” Twilight said, warningly.
“Ladies, ladies, I'm innocent. Would I lie to you?” 
“Yes!” said all the girls, except for Pinkie and Screwball, who simply said, “Well... maybe.”
“Well then, it seems we've reached an impasse. I'm telling the truth, but you think I'm lying. What do friends like us do in a situation like this, Princess Twilight?” he tapped the unicorn on the nose. “Congrats, by the way, on the promotion. You totally deserve it.”
Screwball snickered at the look on Twilight’s face, but the grin was lost the minute she heard Rainbow say, “I say we blast him back to stone!”
The pit in the child’s stomach only worsened as the other girls seemed to agree.
“No!” she said, stepping in front of her father, who was currently bracing himself. She growled, pawing at the ground, then whined when her father pushed her behind him, trying to claw back to the front to shield him.
“Are you crazy?!” Pinkie asked, eyes wide, taking the place where her daughter had been standing. “You can’t do that!”
“Pinkie-”
“No!” she scowled, her gaze icey cold. 
“Well, finally, somepony willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. You could all learn a lot from my dear, dear Pinkie Pie,” he smiled, scooping her up.
“If you’re not the one responsible, then help us figure out who is!” 
“I suppose I could, but after all the hoof pointing and besmirching of my good name, I just don't know if I'm up to it!” he set Pinkie down so that he could cross his arms and pout.
Twilight groaned, until Discord said, “Why don't you ask your zebra friend if she knows anything?”
“Zecora!” Twilight brightened, running up to the zebra.
Pinkie Pie smiled at Discord, mouthing a quick, “Thanks,” while Discord simply shrugged, shooing her along. 
“From my home, I have had to flee! The forest has grown too wild, even for me,” Zecora said, straining under the weight of her cart.
Applejack asked, “Any idea why all this is happenin'?”
“I'm afraid it is a mystery to me as well, but I may have something that, if combined with a spell... I do not dare to use it myself, the results would be tragic. It only responds to Alicorn magic,” she looked pointedly at Twilight. “Princess Twilight, you can turn the potion from purple to white. After a sip, you may see why the sky is day and night.”
Twilight looked at the zebra, then nodded, straining as she tried to change the potion. Eventually, magic flowed from her horn-- familiar looking dark magic, surprisingly enough. Discord’s brow raised at that. Well, well, well, who could have known that prissy little mare could do something like that?
The potion bubbled and changed, and Pinkie looked on in awe, letting out a soft, “Oooh...”
The alicorn sipped the potion, and her eyes glowed a bright, blinding light.
She started to mutter softly, and Discord poofed up a couch and popcorn, looking at the scene in excitement.
The excitement soon dropped, when Twilight muttered something about sending Luna back to the moon. 
What in the wide, wide realm of Equestria could Twilight be seeing to make her say that?
When Pinkie and Screwball heard that, they both looked at Discord, concerned. The others didn’t seem to notice.
“Are those the Elements of Harmony? But that's how they looked in... the past. This is the night you banished her...” 
Discord’s face contorted, his expression no longer one of confusion and, although he wouldn’t admit it, worry, but one of extreme uncomfortableness. He hadn’t ever wanted to see or hear his baby sister being banished to the moon, even indirectly...
But as Twilight came to, he composed himself, forcing a smile on his face.
The alicorn looked around, dazed. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”
“It's just... you were mumblin' to yourself...” Applejack said, uncomfortable.
“Ooh! And don't forget the uncontrollable sobbing!” Pinkie interjected.
“We were really worried about you.”
“I for one found it delightful,” the draconequus bluffed, “Sort of a one-pony theater piece, if you will. You should really consider taking it on the road.” he smiled, slithering over towards the mare, a moving poser in his claw.
The mare scowled, ignoring him.
“Did you find out whose rump we need to kick and where we can find them?” asked Rainbow.
“I saw something from a long time ago. But it didn't explain what's happening now...” she said.
“Perhaps farther back still are the answers you seek,” Zecora suggested. “Another sip of the potion will give you a peek.”
“You sure about this?” Spike asked uncertainly.
Twilight gulped, but took a long sip.
“Oh, I do hope she breaks into a song this time!” Discord laughed, poofing up a camera, a jacket, a scarf and a beret.
He started to film, laughing at her facial expressions until--
“This must be when they turned Discord into stone...”
Discord stiffened, paling, and this time, all the ponies glanced at him. Screwball’s eyes widened, and she didn’t protest when a large, fluffy pair of noise cancelling earmuffs poofed onto her head. Discord didn’t know what Twilight was going to say next, but he didn’t want his filly to hear it. He didn’t even want to hear it.
Having your siblings imprison you for eternity wasn’t exactly a nice memory.
He was so lost in his memory that he didn’t even notice Pinkie nuzzling against him, and didn’t catch anything about the tree.
“So what did you find out?” Discord snapped out of his memory when Spike spoke, quickly poofing Screwy’s earmuffs away and poofing up a couch and popcorn, hoping to look nonchalant.
“I still don't know what's happened to Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, but I think I know why the Everfree Forest is acting this way. Something's happened to the Tree of Harmony,” she explained.
Discord raised a brow, lowering his 3-D glasses.
Rainbow seemed confused. “The tree of what now?”
“It's where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna found the Elements. I think it's in danger.”
“Well, all right then!” Applejack grinned. “Let's go save a... tree.” the grin slipped. “Uh... where is it exactly?”
“I think it's in... there,” the alicorn gulped, pointing to her hoof to the Everfree Forest.
Discord grinned. “Ooh-hoo! I'm going to need more popcorn!”
Screwy’s eyes widened in excitement, and she hovered slightly. “Wait, you guys are going to the forest?”
“Yeah, but I dunno if you should go to the Tree of Harmony, Screwy,” Pinkie said. “Your chaos magic might not work there, ‘cause’ve the Harmony and all that.”
“Oh... okay...” she sighed.
“See you later,” she said, kissing the filly’s temple and ruffling her mane. With that, she trotted off.
She turned around, facing her dad. “Aren’t we going after them?”
Discord shrugged, poofing Gummy up and filing his claws. He had never really liked the alligator anyway. “Why should we? Pinkie was probably right, I’ve never felt quite right around the tree. I’m not really itching to be drained of power again.”
She shrugged. “Alright, good point.” She concentrated, changing a vine into a swing and rocking herself lazily. “I don’t get why we can’t just keep everything the way it is. This is so much better!”
He shrugged. “Ponies don’t like change. It’s really quite annoying.” 
Screwball nodded. “Yeah...” then she shifted uncomfortably, deep in thought. “Uh, Daddy?”
He stopped filing his claws for the moment, looking at her, brow raised. “Yes?”
“Why... Why did Auntie Tia and Auntie Lulu turn you to stone? I mean, I know why, but... couldn’t they have done something else?” her voice was soft and unsure, something very unlike the hyperactive filly.
He blinked, taken aback, then forced a smile. “Because they’re jerks.”
“Dad...” Screwball looked at him, and he groaned.
“I became a dictator-”
“Which I already know, and I think that’s pretty neat. I’d be a dictator if I could!” she smiled. Then the smile slipped away. “But why? I thought you got along with ‘em.”
“I did...”
“So...”
“So I stopped getting along with them.”
“Dad-”
Luckily for Discord, Twilight stumbled out of the forest at that very moment, providing the perfect opportunity for him to ignore his daughter’s uncomfortable questions.
“Discord!” Twilight snapped, and Discord noticed, for the first time, two ponies being held by the vines, begging for help. He looked almost sheepish, and snapped his fingers, releasing them. The ponies ran off without a second thought, and Discord scowled.
“You're welcome! Hmph...” he turned to Twilight. “No luck finding your tree?”
“We ran into some trouble, and my friends decided it would be best if I returned to Ponyville while they continue the search,” she sighed. “Equestria will need me if Princess Celestia and Princess Luna don't return.”
Well, technically he was probably closer in the royal bloodline, but he didn’t say that. Instead, he just said, “I'm just surprised that you agreed to their plan. I never thought you'd be the kind of pony who would think she was better than everypony else.”
Screwball grinned, realizing what her father was doing.
Twilight looked offended. “I don't think I'm better than anypony!”
“Oh, well, how silly of me to assume that you would think that. All you did was choose to keep your precious princess self out of harm's way while your friends thrust themselves right into it. I'm sure you'll all be the best of pals again when they return from their terrifying yet deeply bonding experience that they're having without you.” 
Screwball giggled as she watched her father manipulate the pony, smiling as she saw him get under her skin.
“I never should have agreed to come back here,” Twilight said, shaking her head, and turned back, galloping into the forest.
Spike followed her, frowning. “Come on, Twilight. Discord may be reformed, but he's not that reformed. He's just trying to get under your skin!”
“Well, it’s working!”
Screwball looked at her dad. “Can I go with them? I dunno, I think it’ll be interesting.”
Discord stroked his beard. “Well... I suppose. Don’t let your mother see you, and stay away from the tree.”
“‘Kay, Dad, will do,” she nodded, hovering after the dragon and the alicorn. She buzzed through the air, hiding in the trees above, watching the purple pair carefully and following where they went.
“...Are we there yet?” Spike asked.
“I don't know where we are. We're lost,” the mare sighed. “I never should have left my friends.”
“We can't just give up. Maybe if I get up there, I'll be able to spot 'em,” Spike climbed the tree Screwball was in, and she concentrated, hoping to hide. Unfortunately, she was too late. “Screwball?”
“Shhh!” she hissed. “If Twilight finds out I’m here, she’ll tell Mom!”
The dragon blinked, then shrugged. He didn’t have anything against Screwball, he had no reason to tattle on her. “Fine.” He looked from his branch, and smiled. “Well, what do you know? Twilight?” The pair peered down, only to see Twilight being attacked by plants.
The dragon gasped. “Oh no...” he grabbed Screwball’s hoof. “C’mon, we gotta warn the others!”
The drake dragged her out of the tree, rushing down into the chasm.
“...We all agreed it was the best thing, Rainbow Dash! We were tryin' to protect her!”
Spike tripped, falling down the stairs. Screwball groaned, hovering after him, and poofing up a mattress for him to land on.
He landed with a loud thump, and immediately tried to explain what was going on to his friends, but was only able to let out, “Twilight! Trouble! Help!”
They looked at him in concern, but he wasn’t able to say anything else. Honestly, Screwball didn’t care much what happened to Twilight, but she knew her mom would be upset if the bookish Princess got hurt, so she cleared her throat. “Uh, she’s up here...”
Pinkie looked at Screwball, but the filly cut her off before she could say anything. “Look, you can get angry at me later, but weird plant thingies are shooting gas at Twilight and I think she might be dying, so we should probably do something.”
The mare nodded, and the five Elements jumped into action, following Spike and Screwball to the scene.
And not a moment too soon, as it looked like Twilight was about to take her final breath. A plant sprung up, rearing to strike with the final blow, when it was lassoed to the ground.
“Listen here, you rabid rhododendrons!” Applejack drawled, “Ya mess with one of us, ya mess with all of us!”
Pinkie blew a party horn, then looked at Screwball and motioned to a tree branch, very obviously telling her to stay there.
The filly shrunk slightly and sighed, resigned to watching the fight from the wooden limb. To her credit, she did turn a few of the plants to delicious Redvines, but she figured if she did much more, Pinkie would be annoyed.
The fight seemed just about over-- no, wait! There was still one plant, and it was headed straight for her mom. Slightly panicked, she concentrated as hard as she could, turning it into candy, right as Twilight shot it with a laser beam. The result was a sickly sweet smelling puddle of thick red gunk, melted, warm, and almost resembling blood. Pinkie looked behind her, then up at Screwball, who smiled sheepishly, relieved when her mother smiled back.
“Ah sure am glad you came looking for us,” Applejack said, and Twilight shook her head.
“Not as glad as I am that you found me.”
Rarity smiled. “The truth of it is, Twilight, we're simply lost without you.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow nodded in agreement. “Equestria may need its princess...”
“... But we need our friend,” Fluttershy finished.
Twilight smiled, and Screwball jumped down hesitantly, making her way to the group. Twilight seemed more than a bit surprised to see her, but, upon seeing all the candy vines surrounding her, the shock ebbed away.
“We have some good news,” Applejack said. “We found the tree!”
“It’s in pretty terrible shape though,” Pinkie frowned. “Like, really, really bad...”
“Well, let’s see if we can fix it, girls,” Twilight said determinedly, and they started towards the tree.
Screwball trailed behind, trotting down the stairs, but hanging back when they actually approached the tree. Her parents had been right, she already felt a bit weaker in its presence, even with it being so sick, and her beanie propellor slowed down to a faint buzz.
Pinkie looked at her, concerned, but she told her that she was fine, and the party pony continued on with her friends.
“I know how we can save the tree,” Twilight said, frowning. She turned to face the others. “We have to give it the Elements of Harmony!”
Screwball found herself smiling at that. With those infernal things out of the way, her dad didn’t have to watch his back with whatever he did... Oh, this was the best news she’d heard all day!
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Rainbow Dash said. “How are we supposed to protect Equestria?”
“How are we meant to rein Discord in if we can't use the Elements to turn him back to stone?” Rarity mused.
Ever the mature little immortal incarnation of chaos, Screwball stuck her tongue out at the prissy unicorn.
Applejack looked uncertain. “Twilight... The Elements of Harmony... They're what keep us connected no matter what...”
“You're right about one thing, Applejack. The Elements of Harmony did bring us together. But it isn't the Elements that will keep us connected. It's our friendship. And it's more important and more powerful than any magic,” she looked at all of her friends, head bowed humbly and smile gentle. “My new role in Equestria may mean I have to take on new responsibilities, and our friendships may be tested, but they will never, ever be broken.” she raised her head, looking determined. “There's no time to lose. Everypony ready?”
The girls all nodded. “Ready!”
With that, the Elements were given back to the tree, and the crystal trunk began to glow. The fines around the tree disintegrated, and from the tangled mess the Princesses emerged. Screwball smiled and gave a little wave, which Celestia acknowledged with a smile and a nod, while Luna gave a small laugh.
“We know how difficult it must have been for you to give up the Elements,” Celestia said, looking at her former student with great fondness. “It took great courage to relinquish them.”
Then all attention was turned to the large flower that had sprouted from the roots of the tree. When Twilight nudged it, its petals drooped to show a six sided box.
“What's inside it? How am I supposed to open it?” Twilight asked.
“Six locks, six keys,” Luna observed.
“I do not know where they are,” Celestia admitted. “But I do know that it is a mystery you will not be solving alone.”
The alicorn smiled.

	_______________________________________________________________________________________


“Bravo, ladies, bravo! How ever did you save the day this time? Blast the beastie with your magic necklaces, I presume?” the draconequus cackled, then looked at Applejack’s neck curiously, donning a cowboy outfit for the occasion. “Where are those little trinkets of yours? You know, the ones you use to send me back to my extremely uncomfortable stone prison?”
The farmpony sighed. “Gone...”
“Gone? Discord looked surprised. Then a smile crept up onto his face. “Gone...”
“Hey now, don’t you get any ideas, buster!” Pinkie said, pointing a hoof accusingly. “I’m still not happy with you!”
“What?” Discord looked confused. “Why?”
“Why?! You let Screwy wander into the forest alone, that’s why!”
“Well, that’s hardly my fault, it was her idea!”
“How old is she again, Dissy?”
“... Three, technically.”
“Right, and how old are you?”
“Ten thousand, give or take...”
She looked at him pointedly. “And you’re her father...”
He rubbed his neck sheepishly. “I designed her to be immortal, she’d have been alright-”
“That’s not the point, Dissy!”
He scowled, and rolled his eyes, but he had to admit she had a point. “So what should I do to get back in your good graces?”
“Well...” she thought for a moment. “There’s  a lot of ginormous messes all around Ponyville, can you help us out?”
“Fine,” Discord conceded, snapping his fingers, only to appear in a frilly Prench maid’s outfit. “But I don’t do windows.”
Pinkie giggled slightly... she really couldn’t stay mad at him for too long.
“One thing I don't get,” Applejack said, scratching her head. “Why did all this happen now?”
“I have no idea!” Discord put a claw to his chin and looked up at the sky in thought. “Those seeds I planted should have sprouted up ages ago!”
Okay, maybe she could stay angry at him for a little while longer.
“What did you say?!” Twilight asked, furious.
“Oh, why should I try to explain it when you can see for yourself?” the trickster poofed up the potion, and Twilight took a sip, her eyes glowing white.
Discord was kind enough to explain to all the  ponies who couldn’t see what Twilight could. “You see, I planted these seeds right before I got turned to stone for the first time- kind of a fail safe, if you will. If something were to happen to me, those seeds would have spread chaos in my place, and trapped my dear sisters, allowing me free reign! Well, obviously things didn't go according to my original plan. My plunderseeds should have stolen the magic from the Tree of Harmony and captured Princess Celestia and Princess Luna thousands of moons ago. Alas, it seems the tree had enough magic to keep the seeds from growing up big and strong. Until now, that is.”
Twilight awoke, and glared at Discord. “You realize this is information we could have used hours ago?!”
Discord looked down at her condescendingly. “And rob you of a valuable lesson about being princess?” he pinched her cheek, tutting, as Screwball howled with laughter in the background. “What kind of friend do you think I am?”
And, as weird as it was, Pinkie had to agree he had a point. Sure, he was being a bit of a... well, for lack of a better word, an ass... but he was teaching her a pretty good lesson, in the only way he knew how.
Well, he probably knew other ways, but this way was probably the most fun, for him at least. 
And, now that she thought about it, it had been pretty interesting for everypony else, too.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

The father and daughter pair hovered directly above Upper Crust and Jet set, exactly three hundred feet away from their heads, cackling all the while. Technically they weren’t against the restraining order, and, honestly, the view of the sun raising was much better from here then anywhere in the general crowd-- and, of course, the position was only made better by the dirty looks they kept getting from the aristocratic couple, who tended to look at the pair and scowl, knowing they were helpless to do anything else.
Technically, the pair were following the rules, per Pinkie’s orders. (And the Equestrian High Court’s but honestly, they cared a lot less about that than they did about Pinkie’s rules.)
And as they watched Twilight fly through the air, her Sonic Starburst straking the sky in a pink hue, and felt the glares of the snobby couple burrow a hole though their backs, they realized something.
Maybe following the rules every once in a while could be alright.
...Within reason, of course, they decided, as they inconspicuously lowered themselves a few feet.
Hey, 295 feet was close enough.