> Celestial Disposition
>  by Kitsulestia
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Transformation
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“I’m not who you think I am.”
“Then who are you?”
“I'm a nobody trapped in a body with responsibility I never wanted.”
This was the exchange between me and Princess Luna in my dream. The only problem was, it wasn’t my voice. It was Celestia’s. Unfortunately, my inner alarm clock dispelled any chances of finding out just what was going on, so I tried to imagine the rest of the scene for the remaining ten minutes there were left before the actual alarm went off. Yet my misfortune streak continued, as I couldn’t settle on any direct lines of dialogue other than that already presented.
Not that it mattered. After all, it was just a dream, not some story I was writing. Either way, I still had to get out of bed, throw on my shoes, and get packed and ready for school. Fun fact: I go to a Robotics academy where they require you to have a laptop. Eeyup. I had to pack a laptop with me. As I survived another day at school, I found myself unable to think about much more than that dream. Eventually I started asking myself questions, like could it be real? Was there a hidden message there? It got to the point where I felt the need to share, but I never got the chance.

It was lunch time at school, and I was already done eating. I eat fast so I have more time to surf the net and manage my roleplay characters. Mostly ponies. Today, I wasn't doing much of that, having already apologized and delayed my roleplays because my head wasn't in the game.
"Hey, man. Is something wrong? You looked kinda out of it today." One of my friends Alec asked as he came up to me. He was more of an acquaintance than a friend, though. All of them were. I guess I never much felt the connection of friendship. Ironic, considering I watch a show all about it.
"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to burden you with my problems. Isn't there a girlfriend you promised one of those muffins to? She's more important than me." I said, pointing out the two treats he'd bought from the school store. 
"It's fine. You're my friend. I'm sure she'll understand." He said. I smiled.
"Thanks. I had a dream last night, and it's been bugging me since I got up." I said. I felt the headache I'd accumulated earlier spike, and winced.
"What's wrong?" Alec asked, seeing my suddenly pained face. I brought a hand to my head to hold back the tide of pain and tried to answer. 
"I don't kn- Agh!" I was cut off by a sudden spike of pain from my stomach. I doubled over, but Alec caught me.
"James? James, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly, but even more spikes of pain kept me from answering. When it was clear something was horribly wrong, Alec shouted down the halls. "Somebody get help!" He turned back to me to reassure me help would be here soon. At the rate the pain was growing, I wasn't so sure it would get here in time to stop whatever was going on. Alec put a hand on my shoulder to try and help, but he jerked it away with a hiss of pain for some reason. “Jezus! You’re freaking molten!” He hissed as he shook his hand from the pain. 
I looked at my skin to find out what’d become of it, since it pretty much felt like my bones were snapping and reshaping with the pressure and heat of the earth’s core. I felt the rising urge to vomit, seeing that it was charring until it sloughed off, white fur slowly growing in its place. I could feel my blood boiling, as people began backing further away, and my body began undergoing more extreme changes, anything that hadn't already combusted beginning to sag as it started to melt. Even the tiles on the floor became nothing but a twisted, molten mess, and my body left a compression in them. What tiles weren’t already black became black as I felt my guts incinerating inside me. 
A worse feeling blossomed from my back, and I heard the burning roar of something sprouting from my back in a molten plume of fire. I couldn’t look back to find out what it was though. My skin burned too much, and I was paralyzed by pain. I felt my hair combust, but rather than burning everything out of my skull, the flames seemed to glide down my back and leave entirely new and longer hair behind. A similar sensation extended my spine and left a length of tail hair on it. The feeling in my guts continued to make its way up my body, causing me to scream, as smoke belched from my mouth, before it petered out, along with my screams. I began clawing at my throat, struggling for air despite my lungs most likely being molten flesh, until the sensation passed them, allowing me to gasp, inhaling deeply, before screaming again. A whole new level of panic overtook me when I felt my heart stop. I rapidly felt a constricting feeling where it had once been, slowly growing stronger, as my vision begun to blur, before where my heart had once been, it felt like star had sparked to life, sending liquid fire running through my veins. The sensation continued upward, my screams cutting out as it reached my vocal chords, before the screaming resumed, sounding more feminine.  When it finally reached my head, I almost immediately passed out as I felt it reach my brain.



 


When I awoke, I could see the sun, as well as feel something molten on my chest. The sunlight felt, energizing, as I begun to recall what had happened. Looking again, I realized I had a horn jutting from my forehead, and a muzzle. I tried to shake the cobwebs from my brain and the ringing from my ears, when it hit me. There was something molten on my chest. I began freaking out, expecting a searing pain, but only feeling warmth. looking up towards the sun, I was surprised by two things. I was looking straight at it without even squinting, and a hole had been melted in the ceiling. Slowly standing up, I found I was still on all fours, and looked down, discovering I had hooves. Whatever had been on my chest plopped onto the once molten floor, and as I looked around, I realized everything around me had melted. Panting from the near panic, I looked myself over. My clothes were nothing but ashes now. Thankfully my laptop bag had been left far enough away from the epicenter, that it was undamaged. Mom and Dad would kill me if I let anything happen to it.
Mom and Dad... They wouldn't recognise me at all. They didn't even know what MLP was, let alone that I was a fan of it. I was going to have to explain to them how I'd turned into a magical, talking pony princess. It wasn't going to be easy, but I had several lines of proof. I wouldn't give up if it came down to it.
I looked around at where Alec and the crowd used to be, but there was noone there. As well, the ringing in my ears hadn’t gone away. A flashing light brought my attention to the emergency evacuation sirens that were going off. Somebody must have tripped the Fire Alarm when I started burning up. Well, at least that explains the ringing in my ears…
I heard the distinct sounds of a chopper from the hole and looked up to find a news chopper flying about. How long was I out? I looked around at the smoldering wreckage, seeing the radiating heat beginning to calm down. It looked like a miniature sun had hit the place. Wait a minute, I pretty much am the sun. It’s no wonder everything burned like it did. A voice called from the hole in the ceiling. 
“Okay, things are cooling off. Let’s move in and capture the objective.” the gruff voice said. I easily recognised the commanding tone of an officer. I facehoofed, and looked up to see coils of rope descending from the hole. Rather than run like a cowardly idiot, I just stood there, waiting for them to come down. I passed my gaze to each operative as they dropped down. They were in some kind of Pyro Suit, sensibly to protect them from the heat. Two of them had a net, probably meant to “capture” me.
“There’s no need for force, officers. I’ll put up no resistance.” I told them when the two with the net approached. They all froze at that, definitely unprepared for a sentient horse, and even more unprepared for a willing surrender. One of them reacted quicker than the rest and brought a hand to a button on his mask.
“Uh… Command? I think this might be bigger than we thought. This isn’t just some nuclear horse, she can talk, in english, and she’s agreed to come peacefully. She’s got a crown too, so she must be royalty.” He reported. I heard some radio chatter for a few minutes, not really able to make out what was said, but I remained calm. I knew Florida police were sensible if nothing else. I just hoped they wouldn’t blow this out of proportion. 
As I waited, I went a grabbed my laptop bag. It was slightly difficult getting it on, but I managed. Soon enough, the guys with the net just packed it up, and nodded to me. They gestured for me to follow them, and they lead me through the school. Thankfully, I wasn’t radiating any more heat, so I didn’t torch any more of the school. Once we left the front doors, I was ushered into a large transport truck, and was joined by the police that had escorted me. There were chains in there, made in adjustable sizes, but seeing as I was coming willingly, they weren’t used. I wasn’t uncomfortable with the silence, but I wanted to know where they were taking me. 
“So, may I ask where I’m being taken?” I asked. One of them removed his helmet and looked at me with a nervous smile.
“Command wants to see you. They’ve asked that we bring you to them so we can talk things out, your highness.” He replied. I frowned at that. He acknowledged me with a title that wasn’t mine to hold. And no doubt, if I couldn’t figure out magic, they’d find me out as a fake. I might as well be completely honest with them.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not really royalty. The true owner of this body is, but not me. I’m really just a human like you guys.” I told them. At that news, all of them stared at me like I’d grown a third head.
“What happened then? What could possibly turn you into… that?” the maskless guy asked.
“I don’t know. The only warning I had was a dream, in which I’m talking to the sister of this body’s owner. I doubt anyone else is gonna turn into a pony though. At least not in the future. Whatever happened to me, I suspect if it were going to happen to anyone else, it’d already have happened.” I told them. The maskless guy nodded in acknowledgement. I then grinned as I thought of a way to really freak them out. My inner troll just couldn’t help but whip it out and use it.
“Oh, and I used to be a guy.” Mr. Maskless dropped his jaw so hard, I swear, if this were a cartoon, he’d have made a hole in the floor of the transport.
“Was it painful?” One of the other soldiers asked. This one had a badge marking him as the captain of this group.
“Imagine being turned into a sun.” I answered. “Now compress that into the form of a little pony.” The captain took off his helmet and looked me over.
“You aren’t signed, or sweaty in any way… but you were in the epicenter of that heat blast. How’d you even survive that, let alone get out without a scratch?” He asked.
“I-” I cut off with my hoof in the air ready to explain when I realized I couldn’t explain it very well. “Um… Good question…” I brought the raised hoof to my chin and rubbed it in thought. “Well… Celestia, the princess I’ve become, is basically the sentient embodiment of the sun. She’s responsible for raising and lowering it in her world. It could be magic.”
“Magic…” He replied in a deadpan tone.  I could tell they had no idea what I meant, so I elaborated. 
“Yeah, magic. It’s actually an integral part of a pony’s biology, and has a huge science behind it. At least, integral in the world this body comes from. Uh… Let me try to get this thing working so I can show you.” I said, tapping my horn to show what I meant. I focused on happy memories knowing equestrian magic was based on emotions. I felt a spark, and opened my eyes to see a little wisp of golden magic in front of me. I took hold of it in my mind and moved it down to my bags to grab onto it. The golden aura spread over my bag and lifted it. Then, a moment later, my bag dropped as the small spark of magic slipped off of it. Well, at least I’d lifted it a little.  I turned my attention back to the police guys to see their reaction.
“What the hell was that…?” The captain asked.
“Magic. Levitation, to be precise.” I answered simply. They stared for a moment longer at my bag. Then, I got a sinking feeling in my gut when their gaze slowly went to the horn on my head. “You guys are going to want to run tests, aren’t you?”
“Oh, that’s not our job. You’ll be referred to the Science guys so they can run the tests.” The captain said. “We’ll just be there to watch.” Oh boy. Maybe I should have kept my magic secret. Or better yet, I should have just shut up to begin with. Oh well. I’ll just have to accept the consequences of my actions and really hope they won’t treat me too badly.
> Chapter 2: Meet Celestia and Gamer Luna
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	It’s been a year since I first became the Princess, and since then, many things have happened. My magic control and spell arsenal have grown, and I’ve learned a number of new spells, from utility spells like Teleportation, to combat spells like the freaking laser from that episode of the Canterlot Wedding, to defensive spells like combat armor conjuration. 
The tests also revealed some peculiar quirks about my biology. For example, my skin had ridiculously low heat transfer. As in, burning thermite didn’t change its temperature… Well, alright, it does change when I feel angry or threatened, proportional to how strongly I feel that way. When I feel threatened , my fur reaches temperatures high enough to cause physical pain to anyone touching it, but my skin… Well, I get so hot at the threat of a gun pointed at my head that the gun melts before the trigger can get pulled. Yeah, I was not happy about that, leading to what happens when I get mad. Basically, everything  within fifteen feet melts. Iron? It boils. It turns out my immune system isn’t so great without magic to protect me though. When I was low after that, I caught a cold within a supposedly sterile room. That wasn’t a fun week. At least now I know why Celestia never gets angry. She's like Bruce Banner. Get either of them mad, and Bad Things happen.
After the first few months of testing, I was allowed free roam, and given a facility where I could practice magic. It was there I learned all I know today, mostly through trial and error. Painful trial and error. Just a tip if you ever become a unicorn, never cross a red and black wire of magic. Ugly results, let me tell you. It took forever to get the resulting mess out of my fur.
Today was the last day of testing here, though, and I couldn’t be happier. It took a strong amount of willpower (Which I found I’ve gotten a lot of since I became Celestia) just to not go bouncing around and off the walls in excitement. In this state, I could easily cast Solar Armor in the blink of an eye. I was headed to the final testing chamber, lightly skipping on my way through the halls. Once I got there, I was shown to what basically amounted to a hardcore Portal Level. Apparently they wanted to test out some new tech they made, inspired by a few of my spells.
“Alright Celly, go all out. No limits this time.” the doc said from the mic as the lights dimmed for the test.
“You got it, Doc.” I called back. I readied myself to fly through the initial Airspace Rings they’d set up to record and test my flight skills. With one flap, I was already through the first three. I shot down a few aerial drones they set up for target practice and testing my laser power levels on my way to the fourth ring. Once through that, I landed on a platform with bullet traps, and immediately activated my Solar Armor before the turrets set up could fire. However, they suddenly stopped shooting and the lights returned to their normal brightness before I got even halfway across that platform.
“Hang on, Celly, we’re picking up a magic signal from somewhere, and it’s not yours. Whatever it is, it’s not stable. Get out of there before something bad happens.” the Doc ordered over the coms. I nodded and was about to take off for the emergency exit, but then I felt a violent tug from somewhere. 
“Uh oh…” I uttered, realizing what was going on. I’d read up on everything I could get my hooves on on the internet about humans becoming ponies, and the three most worrisome for me happened to be the three in which people become copies of the original crusaders, and end up in equestria with the real crusaders. I think that’s what’s happening here.
“What’s wrong, Celly?” Doc asked, hearing me speak the words of dread.
“Screw getting out of here, initiate Emergency Procedure D2!” I called back. I’d prepped for the event that one of those three Crusader fics became applicable to me, and I made sure the dudes at the lab were ready too.
“Got it!” The doc answered my demand. “Sending emergency supplies now!” A hole opened in the roof, and a mechanical arm brought down saddle bags with all the supplies I’d need to prove myself or survive in Equestria. On/in the packed bags were a titanium sword, a sleeping bag, a first aid kit, a compass, a few Quartz Crystals for channeling my magic, and finally, my laptop with a custom made magic-to-electricity converter made just for me, as well as a custom made Wireless Network enchanted with a Universal Connection. I managed to make that work completely by accident, but I had no way of knowing if I’d remain connected over in Equestria. Anything else, I’d already got covered as a spell or enchantment. I stepped backward, and the prepared bags slipped onto my back.
“See you ‘round, Doc. It’s been a pleasure working with you!” I called up to him. With my final piece said, I waited for the foreign magic to bring me to Equestria.



Ugh. I hate blacking out. Ever since I became Celly, my magic has always fought to wake me up anytime I get knocked out, and it always leaves me with a headache. I groaned as I came to, and lifted myself off the surface I found myself on. It felt fluffy, like a cloud, but it had the texture of one of those silken blankets I used to use when I was a human. Opening my eyes, I quickly set about inspecting the area I awakened in. Imagine my surprise when I found myself in Celestia’s room. I knew it was her room because there was a picture by the side of a fireplace with a picture of her, her sister, and her student. There was something… wrong, though. Something just didn’t quite feel right. As I got up, I felt my tail brush against something. I turned to look, and nearly flopped onto my back in shock. Right behind me was Celestia. The problem was that she wasn’t moving, or doing much of anything really. She was petrified. 
“Celestia?! Oh, crap, what the hell’s going on?!” I uttered in my panic. Not getting any answers, I looked around to try and get my bearings. When I caught sight of the rainfall outside, though, I got my answer. The rain wasn’t clear like water. It was opaque, and black. I nervously trotted over to it and stuck my tongue out to taste it. It was soda. 
“Discord huh? Guess things have gone from bad to total chaos.” I turned to the petrified princess. “Don’t worry, Princess. I’ll make sure things go well.” I looked around and spotted a big pile of scrolls. I took one in my telekinetic aura and opened it. 
“‘Dear Princess Celestia...’ Alright, this looks like the pile of Friendship Reports. Now I just need to send them to Twilight.” I looked around for something to send it with, when I heard stone rubbing on stone. I turned to the sound to find Celestia’s statue had been turned. I guess she wasn’t completely immobile as a statue.  I looked to where she’d turned to and saw cabinets. Curiously, I opened them, and spotted jars of green fire.
“Is that dragonfire? Thanks, Princess.” I said, grabbing one of the jars. I rolled up the scroll I’d been reading and threw it back into the pile. With the whole pile back together, I threw the jar of dragonfire at the floor right in front of the pile, and it all ignited, getting sent out the window in a massive cloud of magical ashes. I smiled in satisfaction as I watched the ashes go.
“There we go. Now it’s only a matter of time before Twilight frees herself and her friends from Discord’s corruption.” I said before turning back to Celestia. I froze when I saw she was looking at me now. I shuddered at how creepy her stone gaze was. It didn’t help that she only moved when I wasn’t looking at her, like a Weeping Angel.
“Well, I guess while we wait, it’d be proper to do introductions. I already know you, so I’ll just introduce myself. My name is James Solaris. But you can call me Celly.” I said with a smile. I closed my eyes for a few seconds to allow her to move into the expression she wanted, and when I reopened them, she’d moved. Just like a Weeping Angel. I shuddered a bit from the similarity, but moved on to inspect her expression.
Her face was that of confusion. She was pointing one hoof at me, and the other at herself. I had already guessed the kind of question she’d ask, and it was rather easy to determine what she was asking. 
“Are you asking why I look, and sound, just like you?” I asked for clarification. “I honestly don’t know. About a year ago in my time, I just turned into you in a fiery and painful transformation. The scientists that ran tests on me never found out what happened to me.” I answered. I did another blink transition again to let Celestia ask another question. 
This time, she was pointing at her head and her face expressed cautious curiosity. “Is that one ‘How much do you know?’” A blink transition revealed an affirmative. “Alright. I know everything. From the moment your student was sent to Ponyville on the day Nightmare Moon returned, to future events such as Twilight’s ascension to an Alicorn Princess. In my world there’s an animated show made for little girls based on the events of this world. It details the lessons Twilight learns about friendship, and the show is quite popular amongst an age group it wasn’t targeted for.”
As I blinked while talking, Celestia showed various expressions. The first was an expression of joy when I told her Twilight would ascend to an Alicorn, the next was interest at the show, and the third was confusion at me saying it caught the attention and adoration of older audiences.  She then pointed at my bags. I took them off and unpacked it. 
“This is the emergency pack I had the scientists prepare for in case I ended up getting pulled into this world. My thought was that the dimensional barriers wouldn’t like having something on the wrong side of it for too long, so I prepared for trouble.” 
She pointed at the sword looking both curious and worried. “It’s made of titanium. Tougher than Steel and weighs half as much. It’s my defense in case magic doesn’t work on something.” 
Celestia pointed at the laptop with a predictably curious face. With a smile, I lifted it up and opened it up. “This is a laptop. It’s a data storage device from my world loaded up with tons of functions. Need to figure out a tough math problem? It’s got a calculator! Need to make a note of something, but don’t have enough room in your notebook? No worries, it’s got Microsoft Office Word! A program made just for writing documents. Ever get bored with your day to day life? Spice it up with a video game from Steam! It’s also got a World Wide Database called the Internet, but I’ve yet to find out if I can access it from this world.” I said. I explained everything I introduced by example as I introduced the function. I managed to connect to the internet, much to my absolute joy. I quickly sent a message to the scientists that I could connect, and that I was talking to the real Princess.
I closed my eyes and gave a small smile. “You might want to get comfortable, this is going to take a while.” when the sound of stone grinding against stone subsided, I opened my eyes to see that Celestia had sat down in front of me.
I spent what was probably a few hours explaining everything I could about the computer as if I were joyously advertising a product, when suddenly I looked back at her and found her back to her fleshy, non-stoned self. “Oh hey! You’re back! That means sending the letters worked!” 
“So it seems. How’d you know she’d need them though?” Celestia asked. 
“Well, I could explain it… or I could just show you.” I said gesturing to the computer. I opened the web browser to YouTube and looked up the episode in which Discord broke free. Just as I was about to click the play button, Luna walked in. 
“Tia! They’ve… beaten…. Discord.” She slowed down as her brain locked up at the sight of two Celestias. I reacted rather quickly.
“Not it!” I threw my hooves up into the air.
“Wha…?” Lunas right eye was twitching, as she looked back and forth between the two of us.
“Sorry, let me explain. Where I come from, it’s a childish game played to put responsibility on the last one in line to claim ‘not it.’ In this case, that responsibility is explaining to you what the buck is going on.” I said. Celestia raised an eyebrow at me. 
“Alright, if that’s the way you want to play it, then let me introduce you to the way I resolved things as a child.” Her horn glowed as she gave me a mischievous smirk. A zipper appeared in the air and hovered in front of her mouth. “This won’t go away even under my own power until you do the explaining.” She then placed the zipper firmly over her own mouth and sat down. 
“You do realize I could just refuse to explain and leave you to suffer at your own short sightedness.” I gave her a troll face. Her eyes widened for the split second it took for me to laugh it off. “Ah, don’t worry too much. I’m not an evil bitch. Although I would love to learn that spell.”



“Okay, let me get this straight,” Luna said once I’d finished my explanation. “You were once a human in another world, but you turned into my sister about a year ago. From there, you went on to learn as much about yourself as possible until a few hours ago when you showed up here… and you know absolutely every threat that has or will return since the time I got back from the moon?”
“Yep. That about covers it.” I said. The zipper on Celestia’s mouth vanished and she celebrated. Yeah, I may have wasted a bit of time by explaining the internet. Serves her right for shoving the responsibility onto me the way she did. “And I still want to learn that spell.” I smirked at Celestia, who was smirking back at me. Oh crap… I watched how she cast whatever spell she had planned, and memorized it, what with how simple it was, composed almost entirely of grey wires of magic, before I felt a pressure on my lips.
“If you want to learn it so bad, have a little hooves-on demonstration. To bad you won’t be talking again until I give you permission, and I’m feeling a bit vindictive today.” She cast it on me this time, didn't she?
“Mmph?” Yup, she did.
I gave Luna pleading look, but she just shook her head. “This is why I never try to prank my sister back, it always ends badly for me… my guess? You’re going to be wearing that for a day or so before she bothers to ‘give you permission to speak.’ I swear, Discord himself came up with that spell. Who else could, or would, make a spell that is unaffected by magic, and only dispels upon meeting the criteria the caster set, that’s main purpose is to shut somepony up?” I shrugged. My guess would be Starswirl, because of some of the annoying “I WILL BE YOUR APPRENTICE!” types you might find in worlds like this.
To counter my new curse, I just opened up my laptop and typed a message on Word. “At least I’ve got ways around it.” I typed. Celestia face hoofed at that. “What? Humans are inventive. I personally am a particularly innovative one.” 
“I see…” Celestia glared at me. I figured I better not make her any angrier, so I just sat my laptop over on a desk and opened Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. I still haven’t finished that game, and I don’t plan on letting it go unfinished. I could see Luna was curious about the game, so I turned the screen more towards her with a slightly evil grin. Celestia just excused herself, saying she needed to calm the public. Good news: I was on Night 5. Bad News for Luna: I was on Night 5. Tensed, and ready to play, I clicked Continue.
“So… what’s the point of this?” Luna asked. In answer, I just opened the camera and jumped over to the Music Box. I then switched over to putting on the Mask the second I let down the camera. With nothing jumping out at me right away, I took off the mask and hit the lights a few times. Nothing was in the hall, so I waited a bit, before returning to the camera to wind up the music box. Camera down, mask up. Mask down, flash the lights. Camera up, wind the box. It was a pattern until Withered Bonnie appeared in the Guard’s Room. 
“HOLY MOTHER OF THE CREATOR WHAT IS THAT!?” Luna royal caps locked on me. I winced from the volume. Sure, I’d used the RCV before, but being on the receiving end of it? Not a pleasant experience. I was so distracted by the ringing in my ears that I failed to keep Foxy lit up. Next thing I knew, she was on the other side of the room yelling about a Pirate Fox jumping at her face. Soon enough, the Royal Guard burst in, looking for whatever Luna was yelling about.
“Your Highness! Where’s the- Hey wait, didn’t you leave a little while ago?” The guard switched from aggressive defender mode to confused interrogator mode upon seen the only things in here were me and Luna. I gestured to Luna to explain, since I couldn’t.
“Discord. I think thats all thats needed to explain the situation.” Luna said. I turned to her and made a number of gestures basically asking her to explain that there is a second Celestia and I was showing her a horror game from my world.
“Yes. Discord did in fact somehow pull a duplicate of my sister from an alternate reality…” Luna said, not interpreting my gestures right at all. 
“Okay… well then, why is she silenced like that?” The guard hesitantly asked.
“Because she wouldn’t stop talking.” Luna answered. I facehoofed. Giving up on letting her talk, I just alt+tabbed out of my game and opened up Word.
“No. It was a prank war. I lost.” I corrected her. The guard stifled a laugh at that. A quick glare shut him up. 
“Please, don’t speak a word of this until we’ve introduced her to the public.” Luna asked of the guard. He stiffly nodded and then made his exit. With that taken care of, I closed the doors and typed another message for Luna.
“Now I’m going to play that game again, and this time, you aren’t going to Royal Caps Lock me again. Okay, Lulu?” I requested.
“Whats a caps lock?” I rolled my eyes and pointed to the caps lock button on my computer. Then I pressed it and typed a little.
“IT MAKES EVERYTHING CAPITALIZED.” I typed.
“Oh” She said kinda blankly. After a second she giggled at the nickname I gave the RCV. “That’s a funny thing to call it.” She commented. “Alright, I’ll try not to ‘Royal Caps Lock’ but in return, you’ve gotta let me play that game!” 
With a nod and a grin, I typed my last message. “Alright. I’m on my last night anyway.” And then I proceeded to play the last night.
> Chapter 3: Remodeled
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Luna, watch out for that Spy!”
BOOM!
“Got him. Who’s next!”
So yeah, Luna raged when she couldn’t get past the third night and we switched to TF2. Celestia came up after a few rounds of Capture the flag, and gave me back my voice when she saw how things were going between me and Luna, and though she tried to play one round, she quit when she just kept getting killed. She obviously has no gaming talent. Luna on the other hand was amazingly a natural Soldier. Every other player's reaction when Luna finally figured out how to use the laptops built in microphone was pricless. It was even better since I was on a Brony Server. Some of them called fake, but others just “played along”.
“What the… Oh, BUCK! Nice one, Luna!” one of the enemy spies laughed when Luna goomba stomped him after rocket jumping with the Manntreads… while he was cloaked. The guys on this server were really nice, surprisingly. Good sports all around. Except that one guy. There’s always that one guy that curses everyone to the grave. 
“...What’s that spy doing?” Luna asked. I blinked when I saw what she was looking at. While there’s that one guy that’s a perpetual jerk, there’s also the occasional idiot that just derps around. Hence the Spycrab Luna randomly encountered. 
“Oh, that’s just a stupid spycrab.” I answered. Suddenly the Soldier’s head went flying off. Luna and I blinked at that. “Huh. Well played, using a spycrab as bait.”
“Oh, it is on.” Luna said with a smirk as she respawned. As she left the spawn, though, there was another random event that made her pause. A conga line. I couldn’t help but laugh at that, even as Luna’s eye twitched from the sheer stupidity. Rather than yell at them though, she just rocket jumped away and proceeded to go on a killing spree.
After a while, Celestia came back. “Hey Luna, it’s time to raise the moon.” She alerted the lunar diarch. 
“Huh? Oh, okay. Sorry, guys, I gotta go. Royal duties to fulfil and a moon to raise.” She told those who remained online. They bid her farewell, and I closed the game. As Luna left to raise the moon, she smiled at me. “Thanks for that, Celly. It was a good break from the usual monotony.” She said with a smile.
“No problem, Luna. I guess I’ll see you later?” I asked. She nodded and then she was gone. Celestia came in with a yawn.
“Well, time for my weekly nap. See you in the morning, Celly.” She said before lying down on her bed. 
“Hang on, before you go to bed, I gotta know. Do you plan on making a second you public knowledge just yet?” I asked.
“No, not just yet. I want to make sure the castle guard and staff get to know you first.” She replied. 
“Alright. I’ll go see about changing my appearance a little. Wouldn’t want everypony getting the two of us mixed up now.” I said as I left. There were two guards stationed just outside Celestia’s door. They happened to be the same guys that burst in earlier. “Hey, can you guys point me someplace I can change my looks?”
“Oh, you must be Celly. Sure, just take a right about the fourth hallway down that way. You’ll know you’re there when you smell too much perfume.” Lefty said. I nodded and trotted down the halls to the indicated room. True to his word, when I got far enough down the indicated hall, I nearly choked from how much perfume was in the air. I walked into the room though, and looked around.
“Oh, Princess! I didn’t expect you to come by this late. You got another late night meeting to hold?” A mare said, trotting from over near a styling chair. 
“Actually, I don’t know if the Princess has told you, but I’m the copy that showed up during Discord’s brief freedom. I’m James Solaris, but you can call me Celly. I’m here to get a different look so I’m not mistaken for the real princess so often.” I introduced myself. 
“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you, Celly. Brush Styles, at your service! Come on, step right up.” She gestured to the chair. I obliged with a smile. “Alright, any styles in mind?”
I thought for a minute, and was about to decide on a ponytail with pink dye, but then I thought of all the good Double pranks I’d miss out on if I did anything permanent. So I decided to forego the dye. “I’m thinking just a ponytail for now. Nothing too permanent, since I’d kinda like to pull a few Double Celestia pranks every once in a while.”
“Alright, coming right up, Celly!” The mare cheerfully stated. I let her do her thing, and just laid back with my eyes closed. After a couple minutes, her sing songy voice chimed her success.
“I’m done, Celly! How does it look?” She asked as I felt the chair being turned around. Opening my eyes, I found the lovely sight of my new look. 

“Wow… this is beautiful, Styles!” I uttered in awe. “This is something the Science guys are gonna want to see!” I took out my laptop and opened up my browser again. Opening up Google Hangouts, I called up the guys at the lab. They answered quickly, and I was greeted by the Night Shift team.
“Hey guys! Check out my new style!” I said, showing them my mane. One of them got to typing up a report while the rest of them admired my new looks. 
“Wow, looks good, Celly. How’d you get rid of the wavy effect though?” Dave, the lead Night Shift Scientist asked. I turned the laptop to include Styles in the shot. 
“I had a bit of help. Say hi to Brush Styles.” I introduced them. Styles was in awe of the device, and the people on the other side of the screen, but the introduction snapped her out of it. She waved excitedly at the humans, and they waved back.
“Alright, so here’s a quick update on the story so far. Discord happened, Celestia was petrified by him… sorta. Weeping Angel effect. I had to send the scrolls of Friendship reports to Twilight myself. After a few hours of explaining my laptop to a still ‘stoned’ Celestia, Discord was beaten by the Mane 6, Luna walked in and had a bit of a shock at seeing an exact duplicate of her sister chatting with the original, Celestia made me explain even after I called ‘not it.’ Then I got Zipped up with a special spell, and I made a gamer out of Luna.”
“Zipped up?” Dave asked.
“Yeah, like she magically put a zipper on my mouth, one that was unaffected by magic I might add, and I was forced to resort to Microsoft Word for communication.” I explained. “It was actually pretty easy to memorize.”
“Who would come up with a spell like that?”
“Probably either Discord, Starswirl, or Sombra.” I answered. “All for various reasons. I can think of a few other uses for it though…” I said with a grin. 
“Mind out of the gutter, Celly.” Dave ordered. I giggled as he predicted my train of thought rather accurately. Styles blushed behind me, apparently knowing just what that phrase meant.
“Yeah, Celestia probably didn't want ponies screaming her name…” Styles commented. I nodded with a false sagely look, but then burst into a grin again.
“You’re right… but then again, it’d be kinda funny if a random pony just bursts into day court and asks to get laid by Molestia again.” I countered. Styles lifted an eyebrow, while the science team groaned.
“You sure you want to risk Celestia’s anger?” Styles asked cautiously.
“Eh. I’ve already felt it, and it’s not that bad. I figure the worst she’s gonna hit me with is a good prank, or maybe have me sit on her throne and work the court.” I responded. 
“What about the paperwork?” Styles warned. 
“Nope nope nope!” I shook my head, realizing just how much worse it could be than simply a prank. “DO NOT WANT!” Styles giggled at my antics.
“I’m sorry… it’s just that that was so… Un-Celestia-like. It’s kind of funny to see Celestia acting out of character like that.” She said when I turned to give her a curious look. I held back an explosion of laughter as I thought of just the thing to entertain her with.
I played Celestia’s Banana Song. Styles cracked up almost immediately, and kept laughing through the whole video. At the part where Luna gets in on it in the Scootaloo costume, Luna walked in. “What… the… buck?”
When Luna came to the scene of laughter, I instantly fell over on my sides, gripping them and shaking from epic laughter. 
“Whats so funny? I doubt the sight of me and my sister acting like idiots would send you into such a fit.” Luna asked, looking a bit cross. With me being out of it from laughing to hard, it was up to Styles to explain. 
“She was theorizing on your sister's sex life, when I commented on how funny it was to see basically Celestia acting out of character. Then she showed me this.” She pointed at the still playing video. My laughing slowed down to a nervous chuckle as Luna’s eyes burned a hole in me with how intense her glare was.
“Is that so?” She asked with a dangerous tone. 
“Uh… no, not exactly…” I wavered as her glare picked up more intensity. “It was more like a prank involving my sex life.” I corrected. When her glare didn’t waver, I began to wilt.
“And how exactly did that topic even come up?” Luna demanded.
“I was telling the guys back home about my day, and when I was telling them about the Zipper spell Celestia used, my mind went into the gutter about other reasons it could be used.” I answered quickly. Luna kept her glare nice and strong for a few seconds before grabbing my laptop and tail and dragging me off. 
“Wait! I know the future! I can warn you about future threats to Equestria!” I tried to persuade her to let me go.
“No. I already have an idea of what my sister will do about your little plotted prank. I’m not letting you talk yourself out of trouble.” She denied. 
“...I was joking. I wasn’t really going to do it. Did I tell you I used to be a guy? I’m still not used to the parts associated with being a girl, so why the fuck would I even try to do something like that?” To her credit, it only caused her to pause and blink a few times before resuming her march.
“Anything to say before I turn you over to my sister?” Luna asked as we approached Celestia’s room. I thought for a minute.
“Yeah. Can we get back to this at another time? She happens to be taking her weekly nap, and I’d rather not interrupt that.” I said. “If not, then I shall be exercising my right to remain silent.” I then cast the Zipper spell on myself, making it so a mental command of Let there be sound would dispel it.
“Oh… Trying to be clever?” I gave her a flat stare and gestured for her to look in the door. When she looked in and saw that Celestia was still asleep, she frowned momentarily, before grinning. “You said you had you gender swapped during the transformation?” Uh oh. She isn’t going to rape me is she? Please tell me she’s not going to make me feel what I never wanted! “Perhaps some makeup would help bring out your feminine side?” Oh, thank go- Wait, what!? That’s even worse! Oh god, please help me! I desperately shook my head back and forth. I almost went for the mental command I set up, but then realized I could fake being stuck with the Zipper. So I reached up at the zipper on my mouth almost as if in shock and despair. I let my hoof hang there for a second, before letting both my hoof and head fall in utter defeat.
“Oh? I’m sorry, but there's no choice but to wait until the criteria you set has been met.” Damn, Luna. You’re cold. “but that just means you won’t be able to complain!” Okay, now that’s just cruel. I brought out my laptop to type and glared at her. 
“You sure there isn’t still a remnant of the Nightmare in you somewhere? Because that’s just cruel.” I typed. I also considered showing her some of the more grim things the fans had made of her to scare her off, but then again, she’s the one who chased off nightmares from her pony’s dreams. She may have already seen something worse.
“Now come along!” She started dragging me back the way we came, more than likely back to the room Styles was in. I sighed in defeat. I knew I was no match for Luna. “Perhaps a dress is in order, too?” I groaned in agony at that remark. Maybe I could do that burning trick to get rid of it all when they’re done? “This will be so much fun!”




I felt absolutely ridiculous. Probably looked it too. Yet I had endured it, with the Zipper spell intact, just to deny her the satisfaction of me trying to make it difficult for her. Oh, and it meant they couldn't apply any lipstick. The dress ended up enchanted to make me look less like Celestia and more like a random mare you’d see passing by on the streets. And it was agreed between Styles that it’d be the only dress they’d ever make for me with that enchantment. Bad news is, they blinded me for the part Luna made the enchantments so I had no idea how to make the illusions myself. Basically, I had no choice but to wear it if I wanted out in public. 
“Sister? What are you doing… here…” Of course, Celestia had to walk in to see the ridiculous mess I had become. I got turned to face her, and since she already knew about me, that being a part of the enchantment, she saw me without the illusion. I was actually glad I hadn’t dispelled the Zipper, as now Luna would be forced to explain.
“You see sister, Celly here, had started thinking about… ‘other’ applications of the Zipper spell, and from there, was plotting a particularly nasty prank involving your sex life. As you were asleep, I had to take matters into my own hooves, especially after she cast the Zipper spell on herself.” Luna explained, sounding rather proud of herself. At my miserable expression, Celestia cracked up laughing.
“I see you took steps to dissuade her from attempting to destroy the dress.”
“Yes, if she wants to go out in public, she will have to wear this dress as we are not making another one with these enchantments.” I hadn’t wished I had fingers in a long time, but I really wanted to flip them off right now. Maybe I can figure out how to do something about that sometime. 
“Sister…? Do you even know what criteria she set for the Zipper spell?” Celestia asked. Luna went silent, and I mentally grinned as her glee shrank away faster than a speeding bullet. 
“No, I do not… This is bad.” Luna looked at me. “You do remember what the criteria you set was, right?” With an excellently faked pout, I shook my head. “well… buck.” I was so going to milk this for all it was worth. I even held a hoof to the zipper making a sad whimpering sound, before dropping it and my head in fake shame. “At least the illusion will cover it up.” I glared at Luna, causing her to nervously chuckle. “This is my fault, isn’t it?” I slowly nodded my head. In response, she gulped and lowered her head and ears in shame. “Sorry.” I just continued to glare, and even managed to get a tear rolling down my face. 
Control of your own emotions is kinda awesome, and important when getting angry tends to result in lots of property damage. Pretty big perk to being the Alicorn of the Sun, too. Luna sighed sadly. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.” Finally, I cracked a grin. I got her feeling the lowest I’m willing to make her go, so I’d say it’s a prank well executed. With a mental command, I dispelled the zipper.
“That’s okay, Luna. I got you back.” I said with a mad smile that probably made my current dress look rather fitting on me.
“What.” Luna and Celestia dropped their jaws. 
“That, princesses of Equestria, is Trolling 101.” I said with a grin to rival that of the meme’s picture.
“...You’re just as viscous in your retribution, if not more so, then my sister.” Luna said, absolutely shocked at my comeback.
“I… have to agree with her on that.” Celestia agreed, still staring at me. “And you look rather disturbing with the way you grinning and dressed.” I raised an eyebrow and made the grin grow wider, enjoying how it made her shiver. If I could do that just by grinning psychotically, maybe wearing this wasn’t so bad. In fact… maybe I could end up making Creepypasta material from a dress. I took out the laptop, and used the built in camera to take a picture of my creepy face. Step 2: upload to Deviantart, Derpibooru, and other image boards. Step 3: write a fitting description that will just lure in the CP Bronies. Step 5: a new CP is born.
Of course, I’d forgotten I had Google Hangouts open in all that time, so when I opened my laptop I was greeted to the shocked faces of the Day Shift Team.
“Gah! What the fu- is that you Celly!?” Jackie, the lead of the Day Team exclaimed. I nodded, a little embarrassed that I’d been caught by people that knew me in this dress.
“Don’t ask. It was a prank gone wrong. At least I found out I creep everyone out looking like this.” I said with a forced smile. I wasn’t about to let them know how much this embarrassed me. Jackie would never let me live it down.
“You’ve got that right.” She shivered, but then eventually grinned. “So… do you feel pretty?” My face scrunched up in my attempt to hide my discomfort. Quickly, I thought of a way to come back from that.
“Why, yes, I do. And to be honest… I think I might just look better than you.” I countered. 
Every other member of the Science team chimed in with a synchronized “Ohhh! Burn!” Luna and Celestia deadpanned behind me. 
“Is that supposed to be a professional science team?” Luna asked incredulously.
“When you’ve worked with them for over a year, you tend to stop acting professionally when not working.” I replied. I turned back to Jackie, who was still gaping over the insult I tossed at her. “Now Jackie, If you even think about holding this look over my head in the future… I’ll be coming at you with more than beauty insults.”
“What could you possibly do from there?” She challenged. I gave her the creepy grin.
“Ohhh, you’ll see.~” I chimed in a sing-song voice. Everyone over there looked like they had a mini-freakout, as shivers ran through them. “I could get used to this.”
“At least it is much easier to tell you apart from my sister now.” Luna chimed in, looking somewhat amused, yet nervous. I turned my troll grin to her at that. I’d found a spell I’d dubbed the Reset to Default Spell back when I was toying around with my magic over the year, so I could easily make myself look temporarily like Celestia again. I just had to take off the dress, cast the spell, and I was completely Celestia again, for a limited time, of course. It was really just an illusion spell, but it still works perfectly, even on technology.
“That can be easily undone.” I said tauntingly.
“Good, then perhaps you can take my place from time to time.” Celestia retorted, smiling. I smiled back with a kind look. 
“Sure, I wouldn’t mind. We’ll have to get me at least introduced with the routine around here first.” I said with a genuine causal attitude. I honestly didn’t mind it, and in fact expected her to suggest something like that. I wasn’t averse to learning how to actually be her.
“You seem awfully accepting of that suggestion.” Celestia said with a raised eyebrow.
“Princess, I’ve been you for a year. You can probably imagine I, as well as any brony in my world, has wondered what your day to day life is like. And now that I’m here and not just looking at you from the other side of a TV screen, I’m fully intent on finding out, even if it means I have to take your place and do it with trial and error.” I explained. A voice came from down the halls somewhere, and Celestia grinned a bit. 
“Well then, perhaps you can begin with my nephew. I need to get ready for an important meeting right now, and don’t really have the time to spare for him. You however, have all the time in the world.” She suggested. I gave a shrug at that, wondering just how bad it could be.
“Alright, I’m up for it.” I said, before turning back to my laptop. “I’ll check in with you guys later.” I bade them farewell before closing the app. I quickly went to take off my dress and apply that spell with a few loops of Gold and a flat line of white. As Celestia sat down to get ready for her meeting, I preppred my laptop for a jumpscare. Yeah, I was going to mess with Blueblood. Nothing too serious, just enough to make him think he was having a bad day.
“Auntie Tia, I’m afraid you may have to fire those chefs some day. They managed to mess up my breakfast again, and make it late, again!” I heard Bluebitch say as he approached the room. I guess he knew where Celestia would be. I turned around and showed him my laptop just as he came around the corner. Golden Freddy happened and he backpedaled right into and through the opposite wall (because Toon Physics). I was cackling internally at the look on his face, but managed to maintain the Royal Poker Face. “W-what was that!?”
“That was Golden Freddy. Tragic story behind that, but it’s okay. Unless some kind of dimensional anomaly happens, he’s not even real. Now you were saying something?” I acted like nothing happened. Blueblood poked his head through the hole in the wall he made and spotted Celestia and Luna chuckling behind me.
“Wait, why is there two of you?”
“Because reasons. Very confusing reasons.” I made sure to not show any emotions as I said that, further confusing Blueblood. “You wouldn’t understand.” Celestia and Luna chuckled a little harder from the subtle insult to Blueblood’s intelligence. 
“Don’t evade the question! Why in Equestria is there two of you!?” He demands a bit more loudly. 
“I imagine if you had any sense of intelligence, you wouldn’t be yelling at your aunt, even if one of them is a fake.” I threatened. That seemed to clam him up. “And do you have to complain about every little thing? One would think a ‘prince’ would know how to control his emotions.”
“Hey!” He started up angrily. I brought a hoof to his mouth to silence him.
“What did I just say?” I said like I was talking to a little baby, complete with the ‘disappointed mom’ look. 
“I’m not a-” I silenced him again, and intensified the look. He sighed heavily in defeat. “Yes, mom.” He said with a pout. I then smiled and booped his nose.
“There’s a good pince!” I teased. “Now come on. Your new Auntie Celly’s got some time, and I’m going to spend it with you.” I said trotting past him down the way he came. He groaned miserably, getting laughs from the princesses and Styles, before he followed me.
> Chapter 4: Trollestia "Plays" with Blueblood
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“You do realize, that if you showed the castle staff some respect, they would respect you in turn?” I suggested as we trotted along the halls of the castle.
“Me? Respect dirt like them?” He seemed about to go on a tangent, but I spoke up to cut him off.
“Yes. You really should, because with an attitude like that, you’re lower than dirt.” I insisted aggressively. “Someday, somepony's going to snap, and smack some sense into if you keep it up.” I warned, looking as serious as I could without being too frightening. “And when it does happen, I’ll be right there laughing my flank off, and saying ‘I told you so.’”
Blueblood huffed in outrage, but didn’t talk back. I smirked, seeing that he was learning. “So, I figure it’s about time I get acquainted with Tia’s life. Where do we start?” I asked. At that moment, my reset to default spell ticked out, and my makeup and mane style was back. The moment happened to be another one of those moments where the universe works well with you for just the perfect timing. I was just about to cancel out the spell myself!
Bluey froze up in surprise, a little shocked from the sudden different appearance. “Wait, you aren’t the real one!” He pointed an accusatory hoof at me. I rolled my eyes at that. 
“Well duh. You think she’d skip out on an important meeting and leave a faker who knows rather little about politics to do her work for her? I’m putting you in line for her so you aren’t such a problem. Think of me as the foalsitter.” I returned. 
“Foalsitter?!” he cried, absolutely outraged. “I’m no foal, you stupid fake!” In response to the insult, I gave him a very intimidating glare, amplified by the makeup.
“You certainly act it. Now shut up with the insults, or I’ll do more than scare the shit out of you.” I threatened. Bluey recoiled in fear and shut up faster than you could say poppycock.
“I’m sorry!” He blurted out. He then squeaked out a feeble “please don’t hurt me.” I intensified my glare.
“Say it and mean it.” I ordered. I didn’t want empty words from this brat. I wanted him to be an honest, caring guy like me. I let Blueblood gather his wits, but when he took too long to respond, I started up my horn for a spell for added intimidation.
“I’m sorry, auntie Celly. Please forgive me…” he whimpered. This time, I heard the sincerity, and I went right back to my happy-go-lucky attitude. With a smile, I patted him on the head.
“Thank you. That’s all I wanted from that.” I said like a pleased mother. “Now come along. I’m sure you’ve got a busy day, and I’ve got nothing better to do.” I said, ushering him along the hall we’d been trotting. I slowed down with a little smile as I saw how well my parent’s tactics worked on him.
Huh. Guess their methods have some merit after all. Sorry I fought against you guys like I did… I thought. I knew they wouldn’t hear me, but I figured it’s at least the thought that counts. As we trotted through the halls, guards gawked at my appearance, but I noticed there seemed to be more than usual where we were going. I waited to find out where we were going, and my patience was rewarded with a visit to the Guard Barracks. Shining Armor was there, talking to new recruits. Once again, I exercised my patience rather than let my fanboy interrupt him. I stayed out of sight of the recruits  too. Aparently I didn’t have to worry. The captain was already finishing up. The recruits went to their posts as Shining Armor left them and met up with us.
“I see you’ve got the new recruits under control.” Blueblood went into a stoic professional mode I’d not imagined him capable of. I raised an eyebrow at this, since I fully expected him to just sit there and insult Shining. I guess there’s some real respect between them. 
“That I… Uh… What?” Shining Armor trailed off when he saw me. I gave a bright smile and a wave.
“Hi there! You must be Captain Armor. My name is James Solaris, but you can call me Celly!” I greeted him. He stared for a second before his eyes lit up in recognition.
“Oh! You must be that copy my men have been telling me about. I must admit, it’s a bit strange seeing somepony that looks so much like the princess but acts nothing like her.” He said.
I just giggled lightly. If everyone was going to accept there being a second Celestia, albit with a different personality, this would go quite smoothly. I’m still gonna have to wear that dress when I go out, though. I don’t want to get ponies freaking out and getting news wrong because of mistaken identity.
“Man, Twi’s gonna freak when she sees you…” Shining Armor snapped me out of my musings.
“Wait, she’s coming to visit?” I asked, caught by surprise at this news.  He nods.
“Yeah, the princess was planning on calling her and her friends over to meet you after her meeting. Fair warning, I’ve heard rumors of the pink one doing things that should be impossible.” Shining said. I set my face into an amused grin nodding at that.
“Oh, I already know of the Pink One. And it’s quite likely she already knows of me.” I said, earning a confused look from Shining and Bluey. “What? Is it really that odd Considering you know who was involved in my appearance?”
“Who are you talking about? I don’t know anything about that.” Blueblood said in a way that told me he knew exactly what we were talking about. 
“Reaaally now?” I said as I raised an eyebrow.
“Did Discord wipe your mind too, Blue? I’m pretty sure you were one of the first he got. Didn’t he make you a mare?” Shining said oblivious to my pranksters nature.
“Oh, did he now, Bluebelle? Did you feel… pretty?” I said with a sly look. Bluebelle facehoofed and Shining Armor had a look of sudden realization as he processed what I just said.
“Oh shit…” He started trying to hide his laughter as he apologised. “I’m so sorry, Blue. I forgot this wasn’t Celestia.”
“At least you didn’t become the wrong gender!” Bluey shouted at us. I laughed when he said that. 
“Let me tell you something. I’ve been the wrong gender, and species for a year now.” I said with a smirk. “And I happen to like it.”
“Oh, buck you.” He waved me away with a very sour look. Sorry Bluey, but I gotta say now that you’ve set yourself up for it.
“I’ll pass on that offer, you’re not my type.” I retorted. SA just burst out laughing from that, making Bluey blush redder than Big Mac.
“I’d never even consider such an abhorrent thought! What do you take me for, a horny fool?” 
“You set yourself up for that one.” I grinned. “Of course I wasn’t going to let opportunity go to waste.” Blue gave me a sharp glare.
“I don’t think I like this Celly…” He muttered to SA.
“Look, if it bothers you that much, I won’t speak of it again.” I offered. “Contrary to what you might think, I know when I’ve taken things too far.” Blue looked a bit surprised at that and SA sent me an approving look. “Now, who’s next?” I asked Blueblood. He shook out of his daze to focus on the task at hoof. 
“Next is the head of the cleaning department. Clean Sweep.” He said, reciting his schedule from memory. 
“What's she like?” I asked. No sooner had those words left my mouth than I realized I’d just set myself up.
“I doubt she’d be very into you. She’s straight, last I checked.” Blue replied with an attitude.
“Yeah, I pretty much set myself up for that… I’ve still got the lead though.” I said, brushing off his comment. “Now, in all seriousness, what’s she like? I doubt anyone back home has ever heard of her.”
“She’s just a few halls down this way. You can ask her yourself.” He said in reply. 
“Well? what are we waiting for? Lets go!” I Dragged Bluey along as I skipped cheerfully down the hall. As I golloped down the halls, I wondered if I should reenact Celestia’s banana song… But where would I get a banana costume? Maybe I should ask Clean Sweep. She probably organises where to put things like that.
“Wait! We just ran past her!” Blue’s yell caught my attention. I then trotted in reverse, dragging him across the floor. 
I peeked into the room we just passed, spying a brownish yellow mare. “Oh hi there!” I waved while grinning like an over excited five year old. She froze when she saw me. 
“What… Celestia, what the hay did you… No, there’s no way you can be Celestia. You’re a changeling, aren’t you!” She accused.  I shrugged. Wait… How does she know what a changeling is if the wedding hasn’t happened yet?
“I’m a fake, but I’m no bug. I’m a bit curious as to how you know about them though.” I said, subtly turning the accusation back on her.
“I saw Discord messing with one while teasing it.” She said. I knew changelings were good liars, but I was one too. I saw through that one.
“I asked how you knew ABOUT them. Not where you saw one.” I countered. She gulped as I advanced on her. “So just stop lying and spit it out.”
“I’m not lying!” She insisted. I chuckled and shook my head at her.
“Please. You might be a good liar, but I’m better.” I pressed.
“Am I missing something?” Blueblood asked in confusion. I didn’t make the mistake of taking my eyes off of Sweep.
“Yeah. I’m apparently not the only fake around here.” I told him. “I have a sneaking suspicion that Clean Sweep here isn’t really a pony. I’ve personally got no problem with that, and I’m sure noone else does either. As long as you don’t try launching an invasion on Equestria anyway.” 
“R-really?” She asked with a hopeful smile.
“Yeah! I mean come on! You guys get shapeshifting powers. How cool is that!” I praised the changelings with a smile.
Squee!
What was that? Did I just squee? “...Say what? You mean you don’t hate me for what I am?” Clean Sweep asked incredulously. Bingo! She just admitted it!
“Of course not! It’s my belief that you must judge the individual for their own actions, rather than that of their kind. Oh, and if you happen to see Queen Chrysalis, tell her the Crystal Empire’s coming back. She’s gonna love that news… assuming she knows what it is. Can I hug you?”
“Uh…” Oh, crap. I hate it when this happens. I ended up giving her too much. I’ll just focus on that last one for now.
“Is that a yes?” I asked.
The changeling just stared at me, it’s eye twitching.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I then hugged her. She was snapped out of it, and dropped her disguise from being shocked. I felt the wave of fire, and didn’t even bat an eye.
“...How are you not on fire?” She asked, surprised.
“I’m basically the sun. Nothing outside of my emotions will change my temperature.” I explained.
“What the buck just happened?” Blueblood asked in complete confusion. I held a hoof up to Blue in a “just a second” gesture.
“So, Sweep. You part of Queen Chrysalis’s swarm?” I asked, just to clarify.
“No, I’m on my own.”
“Just to clarify. Was there ever an actual Clean Sweep, or did you make that alias up?”
“It’s my own. Its so much easier when you don’t have to constantly check up on the pony you’re replacing… and why am I telling you this?”
“Calming aura. A passive effect of being Celestia, I suppose. I don’t control it but it’s convenient for getting along in conversations.”
“Just… what the buck!?” Blueblood was still trying to comprehend how the head of the cleaning staff was a bug pony, and it wasn’t going over for him very well. I turned to him with a bit of a grin. 
“If you think this is confusing, just wait till you see Celestia’s Banana Song.” I told him.
“What.” was both Blueblood’s and Sweeps synchronized responses.
“Get me a banana suit, and I can show you what I’m talking about.”
“I… I think i’ve had enough crazy for today…” Blueblood slowly backed out of the room. I was about to go with him, but then a guard nearly ran over him.
“My apologies, Prince Blueblood. I’m looking for Celly. The princess has sent for her.” 
“Thank Celestia!” He shouted. then he dashed off, basically noping the hell out of there. I waved at the guard when her turned around in confusion, with the changeling still in my embrace. 
“What…” The guard had a look that told me, he had lost the ability to even. “Just… Why are you holding that?”
“Because she’s lonely, and awesome, and so huggable!” I answered, hugging Sweep a bit tighter. “Shapeshifters are awesome!”
“Help.” she begged. “I didn’t ask for this!” The guard sighed and gestured for me to come with him. 
“Come on, Celly. The Elements are here, and Celestia wants you to meet them.” He said. I set Sweep down and pat her shoulders. 
“Alright, you go ahead and get back to work. I’m gonna go see what the Mane 6 are like.” I said, bidding her farewell. I trotted on after the guard, not really antagonizing him like I did pretty much everyone else. I was finally getting to meet the elements!
> Chapter 5: Meet the Mane 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 5: Meet the Mane 6

The guard told me to wait just outside the door until I was called. He then walked in and told Celestia that I was there. I heard Tia say thank you, and then start talking to who I could only assume were the Mane 6.
“I’d like to thank you all once again for stopping Discord, girls. However, it couldn’t have been done without a little help. You see, while Discord was free, I was petrified.” Tia said, earning shocked gasps from her audience. 
“But… if you were petrified… then who sent me those old friendship reports?” Twilight asked.
“You might be surprised by this, so prepare yourselves for this.” She warned them. I took that as my que. 
“Oh, dis gonna be gud…” I heard Pinkie say as I got myself ready. I then proceeded to do a few cartwheels into the room, followed by some flips and a loop-de-loop. I finished with a flourish, landing with my hooves at my sides  in a tadaa position. With a grin at their looks, I gave a bow.
“Hello, mares of Ponyville! My name is James Solaris, but you can call me Celly! Or Trollestia. Whichever you prefer.”
“Oh, shes good.” I heard Pinkie mutter under her breath.
“Eep!” Fluttershy jumped behind the nearest pony, startled by how over excited I was acting.
“What.” Applejack was trying to comprehend what just happened.
Rarity was making some kind of strangled noise, not sure if she should tell someone who looked almost identical to the princess that they were acting like a foal.
Dash slowly floated to the floor, slack jawed.
And Twilight? She had froze. It was too much for her, so she BSOD’d.
“Okay, who are you, really?” Applejack asked, having recovered from her ‘crazy fake Celestia’ induced mindscrew.
“Eh. Just a nobody stuck in a princess’s body. I used to be a common human guy in my world, but then I turned into Princess Sunbutt the Awesome in a great, big, fiery explosion.”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “You aren’t gonna blow up Canterlot, are you? Did your human government send you to destroy us all and take over Equestria? Are you a spy?!” Dash asked, getting up in my face about her interrogation.
“Hell no. I suck at spy. I play Scout or Sniper!” I joked. Celestia rolled her eyes at that, knowing I was referencing TF2, since I’d played it with her sister. The Mane 6 minus Twilight and Pinkie all stared in confusion. “Alright, lemme answer those questions for real. I would never bring intentional harm to you or this world, Discord is the one who sent me here, and no, I am not a spy.”
"Oh dear…” I heard Celestia mutter. I looked at her to find out what was wrong and followed her worried gaze to Twilight. She was going Lesson Zero. Hair going all wacky, her eye twitching, pupils shrinking to pinpricks, the whole shebang. I walked up to her and poked her to see if she was alright. 
“I think I broke her. Pinkie, you have a bucket of water on you?” Before Pinkie could answer, Twilight rushed me, and started poking me all over like a mad scientist that just found a new test subject. “Stop poking me.” I gently nudged her back with magic, grinning as I saw Pinkie sneaking up on her with a bucket of water. She kept poking me places, but when she poked me at the base of my wings and I felt like I’d just been poked in a particularly private spot, I recoiled. “No! Bad touch! BAD TOUCH!!” I saw Flutters and Dash pop wingboners with me as I tried avoiding Twilight. “Pinkie! Bucket! Now!” I accidentally singed Twilight’s hair from the sudden spike of emotion.
“Bad Twilight!” Pinkie shouted as she dumped the bucket on her. Twilight froze up, before shrieking at how cold it was.
“Pinkie!? what was that for!?”
“You were going mad scientist again.” Twilight froze from hearing that. She turned to me again before she caught sight of her singed hair.
“Why is my hair burnt?” She asked blankly. I chuckled nervously at that as I felt my temp drop after calming myself down.
“I uh… tend to have a fiery reaction to being startled.” I told them. I turned to Tia who was looking at me in amusement. “By the way, how do you avoid setting everything on fire when you get mad?” I asked her.
“Not get mad in the first place.” She answered like it was second grade math. I deadpanned. 
“Right. Immortal goddess of the sun, plus over a thousand years of experience… shoulda seen that coming. You at least got a trick for turning off the fire thing?” I asked.
“Well, I use my normal regalia, enchanted with heat insulators. I suppose we could add some enchanted jewelry to your dress…” I groaned internally, I was not going to live that down, was I? Rarity perked up at the mention of the dress, while the rest of the Elements looked at me curiously.
“Don’t ask, girls.” I requested. I turned to a guard who was waiting over by the door. “Would you mind bringing that dress? Brush Styles should still have it.” The guard nodded and went to retrieve it.
“So uh… How’d you not freak out when Pinkie got that bucket of water out of nowhere?” Dash asked.
“I’ve seen crazier stuff.” I replied casually.
“Dare I ask how crazy?” Applejack asked hesitantly. 
“I’ve seen an italian japanese omnidisciplinary plumber fight a giant fire breathing ox-turtle to the death, and then go go karting with said turtle the next day.”
“Say what?” Twilight blurted out.
“That poor turtle…” Fluttershy squeaked out.
“Flutters, that turtle was an evil jerk that always tried to kill the fat plumber and take over the world. Or all of reality on one or two occasions.” I countered. That seemed to take her sympathy right away.
“Moving on…” Twilight said after a moment, but then the guard came back with my dress, along with some golden jewelry. Rarity’s eyes lit up like the fourth of july at the sight of the dress, and I knew she just couldn’t wait to see me in it. I sighed. 
“And this is the part of being a girl I never liked…” I muttered. 
“What was that?” Rarity asked. I quickly turned around and faked a smile, but winced when I noticed it was a bit too fast. 
“N-nothing. Nothing at all.” I denied. I saw Applejack raise an eyebrow at my denial. Rather than face further questioning and a potential Rarifreak, I turned around and grabbed my dress. I put it on quickly and let Celestia apply the enhancements to the jewelry before putting them on me. I heard Rainbow start snickering behind me, so I put on The Grin.
“Heeeerre’s CELLY!” I exclaimed as I turned around. After the jewelry was all put on.
“AHHHH!” Rainbow screamed like a filly and hid behind Fluttershy of all ponies. I laughed hard due to how silly that image looked. Fluttershy, the poor girl stood just stiff as a board, frozen with her face half hiding behind her long mane. The others? Rarity fainted, Twilight had flopped onto her back with how massive her shocked recoil was, AJ didn’t move, but she looked rather spooked, and Pinkie seemed unimpressed.
“It’s just not the same without the door.” Said pink pony commented. I tilted my head in confusion.
“There’s a door? Huh… Sorry, I haven’t even seen the original. I just heard it in sound clips others used.” I excused myself. Of course confusion of even greater caliber than my own riddled everyone else’s face. “Don’t worry, it’s a reference from beyond the Fourth Wall. Pinkie only knows because she broke it.”
“Fourth wall? Oh, that. But we aren’t fiction.” Twilight said with confusion.
“You are in my world.” I informed them. “Basically, Multiverse Theory, but every world is connected to another by a work of fiction, or something along those lines.”  Judging by the way Twilight’s jaw dropped, I think I broke her. Again. Hopefully she doesn’t go all touchy feely mad scientist again. I poked her to check her sanity, but this time, I backed up in case she did go crazy. “Uhhh Twilight, your crazies showing.”
And suddenly she snapped back to normal. Wow, she dances on the precarious edge between sanity and instability a lot, doesn’t she? “What? Oh, sorry. I… was trying to comprehend that.”
“Don’t think about it too hard.” I advised. “Time and space are too confusing to understand all at once. I’m pretty sure a guy’s head would literally explode if you shoved all the info in there at once.” Tia slightly giggled at that. 
“Only if they aren’t immortal and insane.” She added. I assume she meant Discord, so I reacted as such.
“Just give him time. He’ll get bored with insanity eventually.” I told her. After all, he wouldn't want to become predictably insane, would he? “Or I might cause him to have an existential crisis.” Everypony looked a bit worried at my ominous statement. “But enough about that!” I cheerfully derailed everyone's train of thought, again. 
An idea occurred to me, just as Pinkie open her mouth to more than likely unleash a barrage of questions, that I just had to try, so I cut her off. “no, no, yes, only on tuesdays, vanilla, heck yes, and I think you’d need more paint for what you have in mind.” The look on her face was priceless, as she started doing a rather accurate impression of a fish out of water.
“Buh…” Any further words where drowned out by the sound of Rainbow flopping to the floor, laughing uncontrollably. When she finally managed to stop, she gave me an approving grin and nodded.
“Celly, you are so random!” 
I don’t think anyone else heard it, but I swore I heard Celestia mutter ‘I’ve made a terrible mistake.’
“Rainbow, you haven't seen what I can do when I have a chance to prepare… and judging from the look on your face, you want in on it.” 
“Yes, yesyesyes, yes!” I had to stifle a gigglee at the bobblehead impression she was doing.
Turning to the rest of the crowd, I smirked. “If you’ll excuse me, I think me, Pinkie, and Rainbow here have a little planning to do.” I was met by groans from nearly everyone but the two ponies I mentioned. Fluttershy was simply blankly staring at the wall in front of her, most likely not even wanting to think about what was going to happen, Rarity was doing her whole ‘fainting on the couch’ routine, Twilight had frozen up again, and Applejack looked like she was trying to fight off a migraine. The only question now was, who would be our first target...

> Chapter 6: First Strike Gone Wrong
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 6: First Strike Gone Wrong

“Okay, here’s an idea. I basically read it from another story, but let’s see if we can’t blow it up and make it better. Basically, make a bunch of cupcakes out of the spiciest thing in the world, and give ‘em to someone. Being new to this world, I don’t know what the spiciest thing out there is.” I said.
“Spicy cupcakes? Pretty sure we already did that.” Rainbow said thoughtfully. “The spiciest thing around though, would be liquid rainbow. About ten times hotter than a Ghost Chilli Pepper.” 
“Yikes… I’ve tried just a regular pepper, and I lasted only a minute on that… though I wonder if it’ll be different, since I’m Celestia?” I wonder. “Ah, whatever. Moving on. Any other ideas?”
“Ooh, we’ve never done a freezing cupcake!” Pinkie exclaimed. I blinked. How exactly is a cupcake supposed to freeze something? “With a Frost Pepper, silly. Those are like the opposite of the Ghost Chilli.” Pinkie, stop it. You’re breaking the fourth wall and freaking me out. “Oops, sorry.”
“So, a Frost Pepper, huh? Never heard of it. Sounds like fun too.” I said. “But how do we improve upon just handing out cupcakes?” I asked. “‘Cause just doing that and sitting back to watch the reactions can only go so far.”
“I dunno. Honestly, most pranks I do don’t really go beyond that.” Rainbow shrugged. Well, most pranks you pull in the show usually consist of bucking a thundercloud.
“Well, the Frost Pepper usually starts out with just chills, and chills usually come with an eerie feeling… how about a big scare?” Pinkie suggested.
“Ooh… I like it. And I know just the scare too! Does the story of Slenderman exist here? Or is it Slendermane…?” I asked.Judging from my prank partners’ excited faces, I’d say it does. “Then let’s prep.”



Firstly, Rainbow’s job was to find a Frost Pepper. Since Pinkie didn’t have any and the Royal Kitchens had only just used their last one in Celestia’s last meal (a version of spicy taco’s that were actually spicy to her, which gets me craving it… I really like spicy things.) we needed a new one. As luck would have it, there happened to be some growing at the snowy peak of a nearby mountain.
My job was to find out how to make illusions, and then make the right effects. Since Twilight didn’t want to help prank, even after the offer to not be a victim, I went to check out the Archives. The local librarian essentially toured me through the place before we got to Illusion spells. I’m guessing she knew what was coming and decided to stall it.Learning how to magic up an awesome illusion was fun. Even the part where I tricked the librarian into thinking I blew my face up.
Pinkie of course was in charge of making the cupcakes.Once Dash got back from grabbing the Pepper, she and Pinkie got to work. Due to Pinkie’s popularity as an Element Bearer, she got into the kitchen free, so she didn’t have to chase them all out with her crazy. What’s nice is that some of the chefs tried to jump in when they saw the Frost Pepper.
“Hey wait, you guys try to prank her?” I asked, surprised. “If you do it often, well, I bet she’ll suspect something if you guys pitch in. We want to actually get her.” Hearing that, the chefs backed off and went back to work on their other meals. Pinkie fixed up the cupcakes with blinding speed, and before you could say “Stop it, Slender” we had our Prankcakes. “Now, let’s get pranking.”



“Target approaching at 12 o’clock. He’s not alone.” Rainbow reported over the coms.
“Spotted. I’ll try and make a diversion.” Pinkie replied. Shining Armor was walking through the halls with Cadence, talking about how their future was going to go. Mostly the wedding they had planned. Guess Pinkie and Dashie get spoilers. Oh well, it doesn’t matter right now. 
“No, we can get them both. Just leave two of those cupcakes.” I cut them off. 
“Sir, yes sir! Dropping PrankPackage, now.” Pinkie answered. The couple were in the middle of kissing, giving Pinkie a perfect opportunity to drop the cupcakes without anypony being the wiser. When the two finished kissing though…
“Hey, where’d these cupcakes come from?” Cadence asked. Shining inspected them closely.
“I… I dunno…” He picked one up, deeming it not a trap. “I guess they’re for us?” Cadence picked up hers, shrugged and nommed it. Shining followed his wife’s example and ate his. Inside, I started singing the Troll song. The group and I jumped ahead a few halls, and waited for them to arrive.
“Targets now feeling Chills visibly. Time to initiate step 2!” I intensely whispered into my com. I quickly created my Slenderman Illusion at the end of the hall before SA and Cadence could turn into it. They froze up and blinked when they saw him. I made the room darker when they blinked. Then, they made the job of making Slender vanish easy by ducking back around the corner. I released the Slender illusion, and dropped a piece of paper where he was.
“I knew there was something here with us!” SA whispered.
“But what the hay was that thing?” Cadence. “It had no face!”
“I don’t know what it is, but I’m taking it out!” SA Quickly spun around the corner… only to find nothing there. “What the… It’s gone!”
“What? How? I didn’t feel any magic… or hear a teleport.” Cadence said, coming out of cover. 
“No idea. Wait… what’s that?” SA trotted over to the note, picked it up and read it. “Let’s play a little game. Within these halls, I’ve hidden 12 cupcakes. Find them all, and get to the Throne Room in time, and you win. Don’t try leaving before you’re done, because you’ll find you can’t. If I catch you though…”
“I don’t like the sound of that…” Cadence said nervously. And almost as if on cue, music started up. I recognised it and was very surprised, since I wasn’t the one doing that. Even the little child’s laughter scared me.
“Wow, you’re pretty good at that illusion stuff.” Rainbow complimented silently. “I’m getting chills!”
“Uh… that wasn’t me… Pinkie?” I nervously asked.
“Nope. I didn’t do anything. I thought that was you?” She answered. I gulped. I really didn’t like where this was going. Either someone else was pulling strings, or our prank was about to go horribly, horribly wrong. 
“M-maybe we should stick with smaller pranks…” I muttered. Suddenly I heard static right behind me, and I wasted no time in panicking. “EVERYPONY FOR HIMSELF!” I shouted as I ran around my corner past Shining and Cadence. I ducked and swerved through a whole bunch of halls and corridors until I couldn’t run anymore.
“Next time, I’m sticking with an illusionary spider…” I swore as I sat against a wall, recovering my breath. A wall that happened to have a page on it. I took it, not bothering to read it as I took off to look for more. something gnawed at me though. Would Slender leave me a special message on the page for having used him in a prank? I slowed down and took a look at the page. On it was part of a drawing.Having no idea what it was, I just stashed it in my mane and flew on.

The damned noise kept following me! I kept catching glimpses of him in the corner of my eye. When I finally thought I lost him, I stopped, gasping for air, only to hear something crinkle under my hoof. Another note. Oh god, oh god, oh god. I stashed the second note in my mane, looking about for him. Next thing I know, I’m staring him in the face after turning a quick corner.
“Oh SHIT!” I yelped, letting off a blast of magic to at least stun him before turning around and shooting off the other way. However, that only seemed to piss him off, because the noise only got louder and more frequent. The noise spurred me to fly faster and harder. I needed to get those pages and get out. As I flew through the halls and rooms, I tried my best to watch out for the other pages.
I spotted another one in the royal kitchens, but He was waiting for me there. I cursed and turned around to look for the others, and I found Rainbow dashing past a hall. I wondered if she’d found any, so I pursued her to find out. I only caught up to her when she stopped to pick up a page. 
“Oh, thank god. Rainbow, how many do you have?” I asked urgently. She held up three. 
“Just got my third. You?” She asked after recovering from the unintentional jumpscare I gave her. Pinkie popped up and held out just one note.
“I only got this one.” She said. Her mane was flat, but that didn’t scare me much. “I almost got another in the Guard Barracks, but then that thing showed up there.” 
“Alright, let’s go get the last two notes. I spotted one in the kitchen, but same situation.”
“I can get there and back, no problem.” Rainbow offered. I nodded. As soon as they took off for their notes, I started looking everywhere for Him. Thankfully, they got back before He showed up again. However, as soon as they rejoined me, the damn music started chiming, and I felt His presence.
“Shit! Everypony stick together!” I shouted, leading the way as I ran.
I ran as fast as my hooves could carry me, Pinkie and Rainbow close by my side, but then we turned a corner and reached a dead end. By the time I had turned around, he was there, and the noise started again, growing stronger and stronger, with nowhere to run, I curled up into a ball and waited for the inevitable, the noise growing louder as I felt a pressure on my mind. It grew and grew until I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, before suddenly stopping. Opening my eyes, he was gone, and all eight notes where on the ground in front of me. standing, I looked at them, and felt ungodly rage shoot through me.

They formed a trollface. I had been trolled by slenderman.

“FFFFFFFF-”

*Meanwhile, Ponyville.*

“UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuu….” The sudden noise scared Derpy whooves out of bed, where she spazzed out on the floor, leaping up with her forehooves held in front of her defensively.

“I’m warning you, I know kung-fu!” She looked around, and seeing no intruder, calmed down. “Oh… Then what made that awful noise?”

*back at canterlot*

“UUUUUCK!” My ears where ringing from the sheer volume of my scream. I guess I just found a new limit to the Royal Caps Lock. 

> Chapter 7: Of Nightmares and Super Saiyans
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 7: Of Nightmares and Super Saiyajins

It’s been a week since the Slender Incident, and I’ve learned of an event I wish more than anything to partake in. Nightmare Night. I spent most of my time after learning of how close it was just trying to come up with a costume. Of course I used the internet to look at other people’s ideas. At first, I thought of going as basically an evil version of Celestia, like Nightmare Moon, but I figured that wouldn’t be very original. Honestly, I think everyone else and their cat would do that. While I do still have plenty of time to learn how to make the illusions for that, there’s plenty of other options. Like Wolflestia. I guess that would basically be Okami Amaterasu. There was also going ironically as a vampire. Then there’s being a cyborg badass like Raiden. Or maybe I could be an Animatronic? Ah! There’s just so much to chose!
I decided to take my little conundrum to the Princess Sisters. Maybe I could go with Luna as a pair or something. I stopped a guard as I passed him to ask where the princesses were. He pointed me to what basically was a castle cafeteria. I almost questioned it, because I honestly didn’t know how the whole dining thing worked, but then reminded myself that this was Equestria. A world where a cast of six ponies was more important than how Canterlot Castle worked, in the eyes of its creators. 
“Hey, Butt Twins. I wanna do a thing for Nightmare Night, but I can’t decide on a costume.” I addressed them. Tia raised an eyebrow at the collective nickname.
“Butt Twins? What exactly do you mean?”
“Sunbutt.” I pointed at Celestia. “Moonbutt.” I pointed at Luna, who looked between me and Tia for a moment. 
“Wait, Celly. Would it not it be more accurate to dub you two the ‘Butt Twins?’” She pointed out.
“Huh. That’s true.” I admitted. “I’m gonna need another nickname for the two of you together then. Ah, whatever. Nightmare Night first.”
“What is this event, by the way?” Luna asked. “I’ve heard ponies talking about it, but I don’t hear much before they see me and run off giggling for some reason.” Ah, yes. Lack of knowledge can be dangerous. I better fix that. I composed myself, putting on my serious face, and answered.
“Oh, it’s basically the pony version of my world’s Halloween, except it was spawned by the legends of Nightmare Moon. It’s a holiday celebrating the things that scare you. Because sometimes, when there’s no real danger, it’s fun to be scared.” I explained. I turned to Celestia. “By the way, it’s not exactly a good idea to send her out to meet ponies without her knowing such things. In the show, she nearly canceled Nightmare Night because she was hurt by all the fearful reactions to her when she was just trying to make friends.” 
“Say what?” Tia blinked. “Oh, I guess it makes sense. The foals love Nightmare Night, and would most likely pretend Luna is still Nightmare Moon for fun. I can see how it’d be hurtful if she doesn’t know why they scream and run.”
“Yes, as insightful as this information is though, why and how could fear possibly be fun?” Luna asked incredulously. 
“I think it’s got something to do with adrenaline.” I answered. “Just play along with them. You’ll probably find that they’ll declare you best princess and ask you to come back next year. Just try not to go overboard.”
“Okay, if you say so. Oh, by the way, Sister, do we still use the Royal Traditions like the Royal Canterlot Voice and the Royal We? I haven’t seen any mention of it in the texts I’ve been studying…” Luna asked. I shot a look at Tia and just barely caught her pursing her lips to contain laughter at an idea.
“Tia, please tell the truth. I’m sure it’d be funny to watch, if you lied, but you won’t exactly be there, will you?” I told her. She just grinned a bit.
“No, but I could hear about it from Luna.” She countered. I shook my head.
“It’s just not the same.” I argued. She sighed.
“Fine… No, Luna. We don’t use the Royal We anymore. We only use the Voice when addressing masses though.” Tia relented, telling Luna the truth. 
“Thank you, Celly.” Luna said with a grateful smile. “Now, I believe you said you needed costume ideas? Whatever for?”
“It’s the Nightmare Night tradition. Ponies dress up as something they’re not, under the pretense of disguising themselves from Nightmare Moon. Then, they go around and collect candy. When all's said and done, they leave a little sacrifice of their candy for ol Nighty to keep her from eating them.” I explained. Luna looked aghast at the idea of her eating ponies.
“But I’m no cannibal! Not even as a Nightmare, would I eat another pony! Or even meat for that matter. I’ve always prefered to leave such barbaric diet to creatures it was meant for.” Luna argued.
“I know, but think about it. The whole point is to scare. What do you think is scarier to a foal, Eternal Night, or the chance of being eaten?” I pointed out. Luna nodded, seeing my point.
“True… I still don’t like this little idea, though.” She turned to Celestia. “Why couldn’t you have said that I’d lock them in Nightmares instead?”
“Way too grim. I figured I’d just let the kids use their imagination to conjure up silly stuff. Besides, I’m not exactly a wonder with kids like our mother was.” Sunbutt said. I facehoofed.
“You let kids use their imagination. Really? Do you have any idea the number of ways that could go horribly wrong?” I asked rhetorically.
“What’s so wrong with that?” Tia asked. Luna looked at me with the same question in her eyes.
“Three words. Cutie Mark Crusaders.” I answered. The name sparked recognition in Luna.
“Oh, yes. I seem to remember a large sum of damage costs coming from that particular group in the past few months.” Luna said. “What I want to know is where the hay a bunch of fillies got their hooves on a catapult? That thing cost a fortune in hospital bills, both in repair and medical!”
“... Wow, seriously?” Tia questioned incredulously. I nodded with a highly unamused look. “Wow. Maybe I should set some kind of rules on their organisation…”
“Implying they won’t break those rules anyway, even if by accident. They’re told practically every other day not to go into the Everfree Forest and guess what they do anyway.” I reply. “And despite their numerous encounters with Timber Wolves, Manticores, and Cockatrices, they still haven’t learned not to go in there. Honestly, it’s like they can’t respect the fact that it’s Predator territory.”
“Wow. Just… wow.” Tia seemed at a loss for words. Luna nodded in agreement.
“Ugh. Let’s move on before I give myself a headache.” I groaned. I pulled out my laptop and opened up Google Images. “I still wanna talk about my costume. I’ve already got a bunch of ideas, I just need to pick one.” I first brought up pictures of Okami. “This is one idea I had. It’s Okami Amaterasu, a genuine goddess. The world is a canvas for her, and she can do a ton of things to it with her celestial brush techniques. Like changing night into day and vice-versa.”
“Wow. Looks kind of like me, that one time I was toying around with transfiguration magic and turned myself into a wolf.” Tia commented. I blinked. She did what? Apparently it happened after Luna got sent to the moon, because Luna seemed just as surprised.
“Wait a second, you did what?” Luna asked in shock. A few of the kitchen staff had stopped to stare at Celestia too.
“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that.” Tia said with an amused chuckle. “It’s quite an amusing tale. One of the castle staff thought it’d be funny to see what happened if they slipped a Poison Joke petal into my tiara. I was playing with transfiguration magic that day, and the little petal got my magic all confused. So I ended up turning myself into a wolf, rather than just changing the color of my regalia.”
“Oh, wow. I’m guessing you shocked quite a few ponies? What happened to the pranker?” I asked, curious. 
“Oh, he got what was coming to him. I turned his own prank against him. And by that, I mean I hid in his room and scared the living daylights out of him when he got back.” She grinned.
“You got any pictures? The fans back home would love it.” I asked. Tia nodded. She turned to an attendant nearby. 
“Hey, Shield, would you mind grabbing my prank album real quick?” She requested. She turned to us when Shield nodded and trotted off. “I like to keep an album of all my best pranks. Whether they happened to me, or I was the one pulling them. I can always get a good laugh anytime I look in it. It’s one of the things that’s kept me sane over my many years ruling Equestria.”
“That’s cool.” I appraised with a smile. I turned back to the computer to look up the subject of my next costume while the album was being fetched. I turned the screen to them to show Raiden. “Let’s talk about other costumes while he’s getting it. This one’s Raiden, also known as Jack the Ripper. The dude’s a cyborg ninja with a traumatic past. He’s crazy fast with a sword. So fast that what may only appear to be two swipes could actually be 50. Even crazier is the fact that he goes absolutely psycho when he turns off his pain inhibitors.”
“That’s rather scary when you think about it.” Luna shuddered. “What about his weapons? A ninja doesn’t fight without bringing weapons.”
“He uses a high frequency blade. It’s metal vibrates so fast it destabilizes the molecular bonds between atoms, making it capable of cutting through metals like adamantium in an instant. And that metal’s strength is only exceeded by another that was forged from the core of a dwarf star!” I answered. Both princesses dropped their jaw. I spotted one pony in the background rapidly switching his shocked gaze between me and his Power Ponies comic. After a moment, he tossed his comic aside and trotted closer to listen.
“A single blade… can be that strong?!” Luna asked in absolute shock. I chuckled.
“Just wait until you hear about a ton of other games, comics, and other things.” I replied. I then went back on the search. “Like the guy that literally punched god to death, uppercutted a guy so hard, they both flew to the moon, and somehow countered a move that’s supposed to obliterate your soul.”
The room fell silent. I looked up to find everyone staring at me in shock. “What? I didn’t come up with the most overpowered, yet badass characters in the multiverse. Honestly, the most powerful thing I’ve ever come up with is a freaking werepony with ice powers.” I went back to my search. “Anyway, here’s some pics the fans made of you. Speculation about what you’d look like if you’d gone Nightmare instead of Luna.” I said as I turned the screen to the princesses. A number of other ponies gathered to take a look.
“Hmm… What do you guys think?” Tia turned to the group of ponies behind her. A few of them stepped up and pointed out pics on the screen, giving their opinions honestly, much to the shock of others. The last one pointed out one and gave a full review of it.
“That molten form is really eye catching, and even reflects the nature of her emotions. It also has a really strong fear factor in it. I bet the only one who would face something like that is Discord.” He said. Then, after some thought, “Or maybe that guy who punched a god to death.”
“Okay, that makes sense, but what about Luna? She didn’t turn into some kind of Ice Elemental. She became more like a thestral.” A mare debated. She caught my interest. It got me wondering what Luna would have looked like if she had turned out like that. “What if Celestia’s nightmare form was something like that too? Something more down to Equis, like a dragon?”
“You do raise a good point…” The stallion admitted. “But you’re using an outside point of reference. Celestia isn’t Luna. Besides, like I said before, the Magma form fits with the heat-emotion relationship of her biology.”
“Hehe… Well, you got me there.” The mare relented. I decided to take a turn though.
“Well, you guys ever hear that old saying, about there being only two sides of every coin? It’s a lie. There’s a third option here, and that’s to mix the two together. Think about it, the awesomeness of the Magma form, and the practicality of the Dragon idea, put together. It’d make the perfect costume, too!” I presented my case. They smiled widely.
“Brilliant!” the stallion agreed. The mare showed her approval by sqeeing with a huge smile. I noticed Tia and Luna sharing a very serious glance at the last second. Tia’s face instantly changed into one of enjoyment.
“That was a rather entertaining debate. I honestly never would have imagined my ponies talking about what I’d look like as a Nightmare.” She commented. Then, the attendant from before arrived.
“Hey, princess. I got that album. Sorry I took so long, but this castle seriously needs a map or something. I nearly got lost just trying to find the library!” He complained as he gave Tia the album.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” She replied as she took it and opened it to the right page. I took a look, and chuckled at the picture. She really did look like Amaterasu. I changed the image search to show Tia the online pics of said wolf.
“You two really do look like twins.” I remarked. She chuckled and nodded.
“That we do.” Tia agreed. She then turned to address the crowd. “I think we should get the day started though. My sisters and I still have a country to run. Shield, would you mind taking the Album to my quarters?” 
I raised an eyebrow at her choice of words. Sisters? She’s implying that I can run the country with her? The most I could do right now was foalsit BlueBelle, and run the Day Court. And only one of those is actually deciding things about how things worked, or what to do with certain problems. Thankfully, I’d taken to studying Economics back on earth in my year as Celly. That, and other subjects that may or may not help me run Equestria.
“Let’s go, girls.” Tia said as she got up. I’d barely noticed Shield walking out with the book. Luna and I followed suit, and I fell in step behind them as we left. I was a bit thrown off when they made their way away from the throne room, deeper into the castle.
“Uh… I know I’m new to the castle and all, but… isn’t the throne room the other way?” I asked, pointing down the other hall. Celestia gestured with a wing to follow. 
“Come on, there’s something we need to show you. It’s not safe to show you here though. We’d rather not hurt our ponies.” She told me. She didn’t say anything else as she kept walking, so I just followed. Soon enough, we got to some evidently older and less visited parts of the castle. I was pretty surprised, as I thought there wasn’t a single inch of the castle untouched by maids or a cleanup crew of some kind.
“Is it just me, or is it getting cold?” I asked as a shiver ran down my back. Never thought I’d feel the cold again, but it was welcome.
“That’s the magic of the seal back here interacting with your- and by extension, my- magic. We’ve placed a personal seal back here to keep anypony other than us from entering. Normally, it’d be far too dangerous to bring anypony here, but you’re me. You see, “Nightmare Moon” was really just a higher form caused by Luna releasing most of her power. Her innate power over elements of the Night elevated to new heights, and since Darkness is one of those elements, she nearly lost her mind to it.”
“Wow, really? I always thought it was something King Sombra did to her.” I replied, surprised. Luna scoffed.
“That wretched coward would have to be stupid to use his dark magic on me, and he most certainly wasn’t. He knew the power I had over Darkness. He tried to feed on it instead of fueling it.” She corrected. 
“Luna can go beyond what she revealed during her madness, and so can I. Of course, by extension, this means you can too, James.” Tia told me. I suddenly thought of a certain fitting meme. Fool! That wasn’t even my final form! It’s like Sonic with his Super form. Or maybe Goku with his, considering the power only really comes from inside. 
“Alright, so how do I do it?” I asked, getting straight to the point. Luna and Celestia then both started up their magic, making ethereal keys with it.
“You just need to unlock it.” the elder sister said with a wink. Then, the two of them plunged the keys into their chests and twisted them, causing their bodies to start glowing. First, their battle armor from Fall of the Crysal Empire flashes onto them, then their appearances alter a bit, Luna enters her Nightmare Moon form, while Celestia starts looking a bit more heavenly.


Then, the scary part happens. Celestia starts burning, and her sister grows spikes of ice in dangerously effective places. In the last stage, Celestia literally melts into molten magma, but the outside cools enough to become obsidian. Luna, on the other hand, became ethereal, looking like the freaking tantibus from “Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep.” I couldn’t help but stare in awe as I felt the blasting heat and cold of their new forms. I trotted up to them and poked them. Celestia felt really hot, and I enjoyed the superheated lava, but when I touched Luna, it felt like I was being stabbed in the hoof a million times over by hypothermia knives. I just calmly withdrew my hoof from her and stuffed it in Tia’s molten flank.
“Holy shit, that was cold.” I commented as I warmed my hoof.
“Well I did just become the embodiment of Darkness, Ice, and Wind.” Luna replied. 
“These are our final forms. This is the point we are at our most powerful. By the way, could you take your hoof out of my ass?” Tia said with a perfectly straight face. It was actually kinda freaky to watch her talk, what with the inside of her mouth glowing. I obliged, but my hoof still felt cold. I figured I could try it just to warm up.
“Alright my turn.” I said. I then did the key thing, and felt power explode inside me like an orga.. um. Nevermind. I felt the light of the Sun flood through me, quickly followed by the blazing heat of magma. It felt like a far more pleasant version of the transformation that made me Celestia back in that school. Then it escalated as I felt my skin melt, and then harden into obsidian. Then it started feeling weird. It was more like I was made of fluids than rock and lava. I guess that’s why I could stuff my hoof into Tia’s flank. I looked down at myself, watching as lava threatens to flow off my legs, but just flows back up like blood carried in the circulatory system.
“I feel weird. Is turning into this technically like turning into a fiery slime pony?” I asked. After a moment, I also felt something else stirring within me. “And why am I suddenly horny?”
“This form takes the concept of heat and applies its many various meanings. Even that one.” Tia answered. 
“Lucky.... I always get the opposite.” Luna complained. A thought suddenly crossed my mind.
“Hey, is this where Spike’s egg came from?” I asked. The question made Tia stiffen for a moment, before she nodded. I threw my hooves into the air. “Woo! I can screw dragons!” my cheer made Celestia and Luna blink and stare at me like I’d grown a third head. I probably could. I blinked when I felt digits on my hooves though. Oh yeah, malleable form. ”WOO! I GOT MY FINGERS BACK!”
I stood up, going full anthro with my second cheer because I missed my human figure. This caused the two royal sisters to give me a more shocked stare-of-third-head.
“How the buck are you doing that? Your bone structure shouldn’t allow it!” Luna asked. Celestia had pretty much the same question, based on her face.
“What bones? I’m pretty sure they melted alongside everything else.” I asked with childlike glee.To prove my point, I turned my head around a full 360, like an owl. Seeing their overly creeped out faces, I started walking towards them, only to trip on my tail. When I fell over, though, I ended up splattered all over the floor. It felt really weird, feeling myself in places I shouldn't be, but hey. I’m a freakin Slime Pony. Strangely, I could also feel some of the surrounding rock, like it was almost a part of me, but not quite yet. So, I gathered myself up, and stood back up.
“Sorry about that. Forgot to adjust my tail.” I said as I got up. “Anyway, what else can I do?” Celestia shook her head to clear it of her daze and gave me a straight look.
“In this form, you can melt and absorb rocks to gain biomass. This, in turn, give you more magma to work with.” She said. Cool, so I’m like a magma conduit. With magic. Tia stomped a hoof down, forcing a large pillar of rock to shoot out of the floor. I nodded and whipped an arm at it, causing my arm to lose shape and extend, and attach to the pillar. I thought back to the rage I felt when I had a gun pressed to my head, and instantly the pillar started melting. My arm quickly consumed the magma it made, and continued consuming more of the rock as it melted. Soon enough, the rock was gone, and I felt slightly heavier. 
“Now expel it. Mold it into an attack and strike.” Luna took her turn instructing. She lifted a hoof and several icey blades formed by her sides. I recognised the trick from Fall of the Crystal Empire, and prepared accordingly. I raised my hand, and got my magic revving up to blast, much like the Conduit I was seeing myself as. I cast a quick Precision spell to speed up my reaction time as Luna started sending the blades at me, and I shot off bolts of magma to intercept the blades. What blades I couldn’t shoot down, I smacked out of the way with a blade arm almost as badass as the one Alex Mercer used. It was weird, using my arm like that. But then again, so was having an amorphous body. Making a part of my body solid like that felt like flexing my muscle so hard it became a cast. When all the blades were gone and Luna was charging me herself, I brought both my hands together to fire a rocket of fire. I heard Luna grunt as the rocket exploded against her, sending her back a few feet.
“Not bad…” she grunted, holding her side. 
“Whoops. How bad is it?” I asked, worried for her.
“I’ll be sore for the rest of the day, but that’s about it.” Luna assured me. She turned an inquisitive eye to me after shrugging off most of the pain. 
“Am I gonna be burning and melting everything like this?” I questioned my next concern.
“Unfortunately, yes. The initial transformation is about as hot as a supernova. The only reason it didn’t melt these halls is because they’re made from over enchanted Dragon scales and bedrock.” Tia answered. Well, that’s interesting. Not bad, per say, interesting.
“Now I see why next to no pony’s ever seen you like this. Probably no survivors.” I commented. 
“True. I did only recently learn how to focus the heat blast into a controlled radius though.” Tia said.
“What was that spell you cast earlier? It looked like a time spell, but different.” Luna asked. 
“It’s a precision spell I crafted during my year of isolation. It accelerates your reaction time for a short duration, making time appear slower than it is.” I answered. Their eyes widened and they shared a glance.
“We could have really used a spell like that in the past. Think you can show us?” Tia requested. Wait, I knew a spell they didn’t? Awesome! I wasn’t about to take advantage of that fact though. There are probably more than that, and they might actually need this one. I formed the glyphs a bit slower so they could see the spell’s construct themselves. I even did it in that stylized way that made it quick and simple to cast. As they studied it, I wondered if I’d keep my new shape when I locked up the power again. Speaking of which…
“Uhh, how do I turn back?” I asked.
"It won’t be easy, but you’ll need to contain all that extra power where it came from before you can replace the seal. Allow us to demonstrate.” Tia answered. Next thing I know, Celestia’s molten skin hardened and crumbled off of her before beginning to rise, and Luna’s ethereal look faded into the wind, making it pick up. Both elements hovered there for a moment, before flying into their chests, where the power was originally locked. This left them both in their second forms. but that was next to go. Luna’s ice shattered into shards, and started orbiting her, and Celestia’s fires flew about her in ribbons, entering the lock one strip at a time. Soon after, Light and Darkness exploded on each of them respectively, causing their first forms to fade away and returning them to their base forms. The Light and Darkness smoothly followed the fire and ice, and all that power shined from the lock for a moment. Finally, they recreated the keys and locked up the power.
“Now… it’s your turn.” Tia told me. She sounded really hoarse though. I guess all that heat killed any water in her system and left her pretty dehydrated. It makes sense that a form that powerful would have its drawbacks, but that drawback seemed a little weak. Well, I better get started. I get the feeling those two just made it look easy.
… HOLY SHIT! I HATE BEING RIGHT! Just trying to get the Earth element out of me felt like I was trying to pick up the entirety of the planet! If raising the sun was anything like this, I am not looking forward to it. Through sheer force of will, I forced the Earth element back into me. 
Breathless, I moved on to the fire element. This one was much easier to move, but still pretty tough. I discovered I had to keep the Earth element held inside as I dealt with the others. And that alone was challenge enough. I treated the flames like they were meant to be treated as I moved them: wild and livid. I kept the flames circling me as I tried to contain a little at a time, and even the parts I contained, I kept moving.
As soon as I got the fire in, I worked on the Light. This element behaved much more differently than the others. It was perfectly calm and obedient, listening to my command. Due to the difficulty of maintaining the other two elements in their lock, I didn’t waste time on being flashy. I made the light rush straight into the lock, and brought my key into it. As soon as the lock closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. That breath turned into a coughing fit as my dry throat threatened to close itself off and constrict the life out of me.
“Luna, get the water, please.” Celestia calmly rasped. “We definitely need it.” Luna nodded and took off down the hall, though I could see she was shivering a lot. Remembering the game Ark:Survival Evolved, and what temperature did to you, I assumed she was gonna need a lot of food. And warmth. I tried to recover from my hoarse throat, but it was pretty tough. There was too much friction. At least until Luna came back with food and water. She handed me a gallon and I greedily gulped it down. Celestia drank too, and Luna sat close to her. As soon as I could breathe again, I noticed I unfortunately didn’t keep my anthropomorphic form, but even worse was the smell.
“UGH! What the- Is that me?!” I recoiled in disgust. “Eeugh. I smell like a thousand year old fart.”
“And now you see the other reason we don’t go full power.” Celestia told me. “Thankfully, we’ve got a washroom back here for exactly this situation.”



An hour later found me returning to Tia’s room. I suppose we share it now, since I’m her. To be honest, I haven’t had sleep in little over a month, and the concept of weekly naps sounds rather appealing. I think I’ll adopt it. But, first order of business, I need to update the science team. Tia and Luna gave me clearance to tell them about what I called the Mega Evolutions, so I intend to do so. So, as soon as I got to the desk, I got out my laptop and called up the dudes.
“Hey, Celly. What’s up?” Dave answered the call. I gave him a tired grin.
“Things have been kinda crazy. I learned I’ve got a whole ‘nother level of power I never knew I had before. I could be a living Nuke.” I told them.
“Whoa, seriously?” Dave asked.
“Yeah, seriously. I wish I could show you, but the laptop would just melt… along with a good portion of the castle.” I confirmed.
“Yikes. Wouldn’t want that.” He agreed. “So what’s the specs?”
“It’s crazy. There’s three forms, each with an element added on. First level is Light, second is Fire, and third is Earth. And the final form is basically a magma slime. A Nuclear magma slime.”
“Think you can draw what they look like?” Dave requested. I shook my head.
“I’m an author, not an artist. But maybe I could have Luna or Tia do that. Anyway, there’s some pretty cool features of the Magma form, like being Amorphous. I got to enjoy a humanoid body for a bit. But the problem is that when I power down, I’m dehydrated and smell like sulphur.”
Dave wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. That doesn’t sound very pleasant.”
“No, it wasn’t I’m a bit sad that the anthro form didn’t carry over, but it’s not the end of the world. I mean unless I go full power in the middle of a public place, anyway. The initial release is about as hot as a Supernova, according to Tia.”
“That’s a scary thought. What about Luna?” Dave asked.
“She’s secretly a wendigo.” I joked. “And Nightmare Moon isn’t actually an evil alternate form, it’s a higher form of power that embodies darkness. Her elements are Darkness, Ice, and Wind, in that order.”
“Mind: blown.” one of the science dudes in the back commented.
“I know, right? I was so shocked when I found out, I thought it was a good idea to poke them. Luna was cold as fuck, so I stuck my hoof in Tia’s molten flank to warm it up. It felt like warm jello.”
Silence.
“You… what? I must be missing some kinda context here, because I cannot picture you sticking your hoof up someone's ass.” Dave said.
“NO! Not like that! Jeeze! l-like mud or something, you apply enough pressure and your hands going sink into it!” I groaned. “And now I can’t get that image out of my head!”
“Hehe. Sure it is.” He grinned.
“Shut up. She went Super Saiyajin and I could actually feel the heat for once. Can you really blame me for sticking my hoof into lava after touching hypothermia?”
“Alright, you’ve made your- wait, Super Saiyajin? Is that what you’re calling it?” Dave cut off his dismissive remark.
“It’s accurate.” I justified. “Anyway, after nearly suffocating from dehydration, I need a nap. Tia and Luna’s weekly nap idea’s pretty appealing, and I say it’s my turn. I’ll talk to ya guys next time I’ve got big news.”
“Alright, see ya later, Celly. We ought to switch shifts too, anyway.” Dave bade his farewell. With that, I said bye and closed the call. As soon as I locked up, I curled up on Tia’s little bed, and let myself drift into sleep.

> Interlude: Why me?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Interlude: Why me?

~Blueblood~
“Ugh, the nerve of some ponies. Who does she think she is, denying me like that? If it weren’t for the fact that she has close ties with miss Clean Sweep, I’d have her fired for insubordination.” I ranted after my latest attempt to seduce a mare. Honestly, a stallion of my likes has needs, and I’m currently left frustrated. 
“That was pretty pathetic, though.” A teasing voice called, making my blood freeze. It was HER. “Next time, I suggest being nice. You know, because that would earn you plenty of affection.” 
“Ugh… Great, first it was my working life, now it’s my private relations. Is there any part of my life you won’t invade?” I demanded angrily.
“your non-existent sex life?” She offered. I glared at her. That hurt, Celly. That really hurt. 
“Good, do I have your attention now? Because if you're really that desperate, you have your own two hooves instead of trying to seduce the staff. Until you fix that damn attitude of yours, nopony will want you. Even changelings, who feed on love would rather starve than have anything to do with you.”
“It’s true. I would.” The maid I was trying to seduce said pointedly as she passed. “How’d you know about us though?”
“I’ll tell you later.” Celly waved off the question. I stared at the maid in horror. I was flirting with a bug?!
“Celly, how is it that you keep managing to make me hate myself?” I asked as I tried wiping the image of my glorious stick in a bug from my mind.
“Probably because I’m showing you the way everyone else sees you. You need to get your head out of your arse and learn to be a propor gentlecolt. Now, watch somepony succeed where you failed.” She then turned to the bug pony and gave her a kind smile. The kind of smile Auntie Tia always gives ponies, except with more personal love, rather than motherly love.
“Hey there. Ignore that big lug, he’s got more dick than brains.” Oh dear Celestia, she’s really doing it. “I hear changelings feed on love. Ever thought of getting it just given to you willingly?” She leaned in close. “In a… personal way?”
The bug pony blushed furiously. “Uh.... Can.. can I uh… have a little time to think about it?” She asked nervously. Celly nodded, backing away.
“Take your time. I’m in no hurry.” Then her gaze turned suggestive. “But don’t take too long. I don’t want to be left hanging.” As the changeling hurried away, Celly grinned in anticipation of success. “And that’s just step one. Offer something desireable to get laid. The next step is actually caring about them until the decision is made. If they aren’t easy anyway.”
“Ugh… I think I’m going to be sick…” I moaned, feeling bile rise in my throat. Then she turned her little look to me, lidded eyes and all. And there goes my sanity. I turned and ran for it, screaming nope all the way. I didn’t stop until I ran into Luna.
“Auntie Luna, help me! Celly’s going to rape me!” I pleaded. I was mortified when all she did was roll over and laugh. 
Why me?

> Chapter 8: It's Skurrin Time!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 8: It’s Skurrin’ Time!

I don’t know why, but I found it oddly satisfying to hear the characters of TF2 screaming in pain as they burned away to nothing but charbroiled skin and bone. Maybe turning into ol Sunbutt has put something of a pyromaniac in me, I don’t know. All I know is that it was never this fun to just…. burn things. Now this may worry you, but don’t worry. I’ve only turned to video games to sate the need since it started popping up after that last encounter with Blueblood. If it gets worse, I’ll ask Tia for help.
“Hey, Celly. Luna’s getting her costume ready..” a guard notified me, pulling my attention away from the game.
“Alright, just give me a minute. I gotta finish burning this damn heavy to a crisp. Persistent little bastard…” I muttered absently as I continued my goal of dominating everyone on the map. As soon as the heavy let lose his scream of death, I smiled. “And thus concludes my first ever Domination Killstreak. Alright, can you show me to my costume artist please?”
He was staring at me in horror and worry. “What, is there something on my face?” I asked obliviously. he shook his head.
“Uh… nothing. Let’s just go.” He said. I closed out of my game and then went with him. Soon enough, my hired artist was in sight.
“Ah, there you are. Glad you could make it, Spectral Brush.” I greeted as professionally as the Princesses. I figured now was as good a time as any for a Doublestia prank.
“It’s a pleasure to be here, Princess. After all, it’s not every day somepony requires use of hyperrealistic art. It’s even better when said art is applied to a costume for Nightmare Night.” The specialized unicorn artist greeted in return. I nodded.
“That’s true. However, I’ve recently come into contact with an entirely new world that may appreciate your talents. Once we’re all done here, remind me to show you.” I told him.
“You’ve certainly piqued my interests. Alright, let’s get started. Where is my client?” He asked. I grinned and giggled. 
“That’d be me.” I told him with my tone of voice. Almost as if on cue, the real Celestia came in.
“Oh, Spectral Brush. I see you’ve arrived a bit early. I’d hoped to be here to greet you, but… It looks like I already was.” She joked. Spectre looked between us with a look that suggested he’d lost the ability to even. Honestly, I think I broke him.
“Oh, you are good. Where’d you get a duplication spell, Princess? Or is this a result of that legendary Mirror Pool?” Spectre asked in realization.
“...What?” I voiced my thoughts. 
“I assure you, this is no trick. There’s really two of me. She just doesn’t share my personality or experience.” Celestia corrected him.
“The Mirror pool is real though.” I said absently. “It’s just highly advised that you don’t use it. The clones that come out aren’t… all there in the head.”
“Uh… Okay then where’d she come from?” Spectre asked, pointing at me.
“Discord.” Both Tia and I answered simultaneously. It was very creepy. “Ooh we need to do that more often.”
“Please don’t.” Spectre shivered. “Can we just make the costume already?” I nodded and brought up my laptop.
“Sure, just let me get the picture for you.” I answered sincerely. I brought it up quickly and then set it down for him. “Swipe the black touch pad if the screen goes black.”

“Holy… this picture thingy is awesome! How does it-” He started poking at the computer.
“Stop, you don’t know how it works. It’s the only connection I have back to my world. I’d rather it doesn’t get broken.” I warned him.
“Oh, okay. I understand. Nice picture though.” He replied. Knowing it’d take a while, I hooked up my charger and instructed Spectre on how to charge it. Then, I let him get to work.



A few hours later, I was staring at my imposing image in a full body mirror. I took a few poses, enjoying my new look as I got into the role. “Now this… is what I call powerful.” I tried to sound evil.
“Yeah, that voice won’t do.” Clean Sweep commented. Yeah, I’d ended up getting a crowd from those I’d met that saw me. Sweep was in her base form. Had been since she heard my opinion on her race, apparently. “It’s still got that “calming aura” thing you told me about. What you need is a voice over.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “Show me what’cha got.” She grinned as she lit up her magic and formed a new kind of spell matrix. It looked both chaotic and methodical at the same time. “Okay, that’s impressive.”
“Too bad you can’t use it yourself, though. It’s changeling magic. Unless you’re secretly a changeling too, I’ll need to apply it myself.” Sweep told me. I held up a hoof. 
“Challenge accepted.” I replied. Then, I tried replicating the matrix. Unfortunately, I didn’t see the red and black parts cross until it was too late to stop it. Thankfully, I was quick enough to shield myself from the blast. “Sorry.” I meekly apologized.
“Well, I told you.” Sweep pointed out. Then she put her voice matrix on my throat. I felt my voice box tingle a bit as it was altered. When the feeling faded, I tested it out.
“Okay, let’s see if I- Ooh!” I cut off my test when I recognise the voice. 
“That voice… It sounds familiar but…” Tia started.
“I sound like Queen Chrysalis!” I cheered. Sweep giggled at my joy. Tia gasped in realization. I looked at her to find her face ridden with grief. “What’s wrong?”
“I knew her. A thousand years ago, back before the Crystal Empire was cursed. She was a good pony then…” She trailed off. I could guess the rest. 
“I’m guessing she’s the one who called for your help with Sombra back then?” I asked, just to be sure. She nodded.
“She knew something was happening to King Sombra. But my sister and I were too busy with the aftermath of Discord to pay her plead for help any warning. As such, by the time we got there to help, it was already far too late. She blames us for the loss of her kingdom. Rightly so, too. If only we’d seen the growing danger sooner…”
“You can’t change the past. That’s about as solid as the mountain this castle sits on. But what you can do is use what you learn to build a better future. I already know a future, but it’s far from ideal. I say we take action to change it.” I said comfortingly. Tia chuckled.
“You know, hearing that voice say it really fills me with hope. Maybe she can forgive us.” She said optimistically. I grinned and gave her a hug. 
“That’s the spirit! Now, I better be heading off to Crazytown with Luna. Talk to you when I get back.” I said as I left. My guard came with me to take me to see Luna. 
“Hey, you’ve been helping me get around the place a lot lately. I’m thinking I ought to at least know my escort’s name. After all, it wouldn’t do to just refer to you as “the guard dude” all the time.” I asked. He grinned a bit.
“Aw, but that doesn’t sound that bad. You’ve got authority though, so yeah. I’m Solid Blade.” He answered. I smirked. I already liked him.
“Your name sounds pretty close to one of the most badass special ops heroes in the video games of my world.” I commented.
“Oh, that’s cool. Who was he?” Solid asked.
“Solid Snake. The dude’s practically a one-man-army. He single handedly stopped a bunch of wars, without leaving any bodies either. He’s like the opposite of Jack the Ripper, but he’s still a badass, if not more so considering he was suffering from accelerated ageing and the problems that came with it, and wasn't cybernetically enhanced. Oh, and he destroyed a bipedal nuclear weapons platform, then piloted said platform several years later, to destroy something specifically designed for destroying what he was piloting!”
“Whoa. That does sound badass.” Solid agreed. “Hope I can live up to the reputation.”
“Yeah, I’d bet anyone would want to.” I said with a smile as we arrived at the “airport.” Luna was just finishing up herself. She apparently added some cybernetic parts to her wings, chest, and legs. She looked like she was trying to cosplay as half Raiden, half Nightmare Moon. I guess that’s what she really was doing.
“Hey, Celly. Like the new parts? I was inspired by that tale of Jack the Ripper. I thought maybe I’d be more fearsome if I’d been “revived” with cybernetic enhancements.” She explained. “I couldn’t quite get the sword right though. We just don’t have the smithys skilled enough to forge it.”
“That’s cool. I like the personal take on Raiden though. How about mine?” I returned.
“It’s strikingly similar to Tia’s Supernova form. But… you didn’t modify it in any way?” She asked curiously. 
“Never thought to. I guess that’s just another consequence when relying on Google Images for ideas.” I answered. “How about we get going? Wouldn’t want to keep your soon-to-be fans waiting.” I stepped onto my own demonic Red Sun chariot as Luna got into her nightmarish Black Night chariot. Yes, they have names. It’s only because they were redesigned to fit our Nightmare Night themes. Mine was made up of “magma” and Luna’s looked like a high tech Demon Wagon, Batmobile wannabe. I gave our pilots the order, and we took off for Ponyville.



~Twilight Sparkle~
Wow, Zecora was very good at telling the story. The illusions she made with that dust, and her dark, scary attitude was enough to strike fear in even me.
“Um… Excuse me… Miss Zecora?” A young colt by the name of Pipsqueak spoke up nervously. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him for being nervous. “If we have our costumes to hide from Nightmare Moon, so she doesn’t gobble us up… how come we still need to give her some of our candy?” Zecora’s dark chuckle sent shivers down my spine.
“A perfect question, my little friend,
for Nightmare Moon, you must not offend.” She grabbed a hoofful of her dust and blew it into the air, causing the foals to recoil in fear. 
“Fill up her belly, with a treat or two…” She began the next verse of her rhyme. An image of Nightmare Moon appeared, stalking towards the collective group. 
“Or she will return to eat YOU!” She finished as the illusion pounced at them. The illusion burst apart after that, and I hear Pinkie screaming amongst the foals, starting up another panic.
“Everypony dump your candy and get out of here!” She shouted as she dumped her entire haul in front of the statue. Then, a gale started up. I looked into the sky with worry, knowing these winds weren’t normal. A magical light flashed from the moon, and suddenly a chariot raced from the clouds. It was no ordinary chariot though. It was pulled by bat like ponies I think are known as thestrals, was carried with chains, and had about a dozen blades of different kinds adorning its sinister carriage. Within the chariot rode a hooded pony. They flew in, creating a strong gust in their wake as they came in for a landing. Dark, familiar, sinister laughter drowned out any other noise as the figure stepped off the Chariot.
“Oh no! It’s Nightmare Moon!” Pinkie shouted in fear. However, before she could properly start another raving panic, a second light burst from the moon, and the winds seemed to get stronger and hotter. We all looked up to find a second, Sun themed chariot flying in, but it didn’t look any less intimidating than the other. It was pulled by skeletal pegasi, carried by somehow tangible chain links of fire, and made up of what could be magma. This chariot carried another pony with a cloak.
“Who’s that?” I asked automatically. I didn’t need to wait long for my answer. The molten chariot touched down on opposite sides of us all, closing us in.
“Ponies… of Equestria.” Nightmare Moon addressed us, throwing off her cloak. “It pleases me to no end, to discover that you still sacrifice your treats to me. However, tonight, I am not alone.” Her appearance was shocking, to say the least. She now had on more metal and armor than when my friends and I had faced down with her before! It was like somepony had given her the cybernetic enhancements mad scientists could only dream about! 
What made this worse was the one she’d gestured to. The other pony completely burned off her cloak, leaving nothing behind, and nothing to the imagination. What came out shocked me to my core. It was Princess Celestia. But she was so far beyond different, it was truly terrifying. She was made of fire and magma. Her eyes were slitted, and seemed to radiate more fire for every second I stared into them. Her dark smirk was what broke me.
“Thanks for the introduction, dear sister.” She spoke with a doubled voice that made me feel empty inside. “But let’s be honest here. We didn’t come here for the publicity.”
“That’s true, Solar Flare. Let us get down to business. We came here for a treat.” Nightmare Moon conceded. They sent their searching gaze through the crowd of cowering foals, until their eyes landed on the pile of candy near the altar.
“Oh! The offering. Don’t mind if I… wait. This bounty looks pitifully small. And where’s the cake? Or cupcakes?” Solar Flare protested. “And why is all of it in the dirt? Don’t ponies know that’s not good for sweets?” Solar Flare rounded on us, fury in her eyes and fiery mane and tail doubling in rage. “Which one of you imbeciles did this?” She demanded.
The foals all backed away, leaving Pinkie Pie in the front, but Pipsqueak stayed in front, holding his toy sword aggressively, albeit in crippling fear. Nightmare Moon advanced with her sister to stare down the pair.
“Well then. It looks like somepony wants a haunted night.” Nightmare Moon threatened dangerously. “Let’s see just how much my new cybernetics can do... Her sister spoke right after.
“Now hold on. Remember, you’ve only been known as a legend for a thousand years. I say we let them make up for it.” she hissed. She turned to the group. “Bring us a bounty double the current size. And don’t let any of it become contaminated. If you fail, then by the flames of the sun, I’ll make a crisp jerky out of you.” She threatened.
“That seems fair, but it seems they need further motivation.” Nightmare Moon refuted. “In return for your services… we shall reward whoever brings the greatest bounty will receive the honor of riding a chariot with one of us. And if that’s not enough, you will also receive a small share of the bounty you acquire.” She announced. That immediately set Pinkie off.
“GASP! It’s MINE! Bawk!” She took off at full speed for town, quickly followed by everypony else. I sank to my haunches as I witnessed all this. Had the Princesses really both fallen to evil? It wasn’t fair… I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I looked up at its owner to find Solar Flare looking at me in worry.
“Did I really scare you that bad? I’m so sorry. I wanted to play the role and have fun, not traumatize you.” She told me. I gaped as I realized what this all was.Celest-no, Celly, seemed to notice what I was thinking. “Yeah… Surprise!” She said weakly. “I should have sent a letter ahead to warn you about this. God, why do I always have to be so stupid to miss a crucial detail like this!”
In response, I lean forward and hug her. Not just because I needed it, but also because Celly needed reassurance. I felt flames kick up for a mere second before they died back down. I guess she was just a little shocked. “For the record, that’s the best costume ever.” I told her. We sat there like that, just cuddling like long lost friends. Luna excused herself to go and make sure none of the foals cheated, but neither of us minded. Eventually, Celly broke our hug.
“Hey, I know some pretty interesting people who’d love to meet you.” She said. She levitated over an object from her chariot. It opened, and soon enough, I was staring at a moving picture. Even after that, I was more surprised by the video thingy, whatever it was.
“... Why are you guys dressed up as the dudes from TF2?” Celly asked the screen in confusion. Oh boy. I get the feeling tonight was starting to be fun.



~Scootaloo~
As soon as the competition began, I knew it was time to break out the Scooter. It was the only way I’d get around fast enough to get more candy than the others. Without cheating. I’m not sure how I was going to beat Pinkie though. She’s impossible, to put it bluntly. I ran for home as quickly as I could to grab my scooter. I also had to stop in and let mom know what was going on before anything dramatic happened. 
“Hey mom! Just stopping by to pick up my scooter. There’s a competition the Princesses announced just earlier. I’ll be back to let you know how it goes!” I called into the house. 
“Isn’t it cheatng?” She asked.
“Mom, Pinkie Pie is joining in too.” I countered.
“Oh. Okay, just try not to push yourself too hard. I don’t want to have to keep you locked up in this house again while your chitin heals… and wash out that tree sap.” She warned.
“Don’t worry, I learned my lesson after last time. Besides, I doubt racing from house to house and asking for candy will result in getting sticky.” I assured her. Still, the memory of that time made me wonder what things would have been like had my dad and I been ponies. Maybe he’d still be around. Of course, he’d still be in a military force, and he’d still be away most of the time, but maybe less than he is now. After all, the ponies are at peace, and don’t have to worry about other hives trying to take your territory.
I shook those thoughts from my thoughts and focused on winning that competition. All I had to do was act cute, as much as I hated doing that, get the candy, and win. I’ve been told I’m cute at times when I act tough, so I think I’ll use that to my advantage. 
With a plan set, I took off, ready to get everything I could. I shared a quick Hive-linked chat with other members of my hive when I came across them, like Bonbon, and I got a bit of bonus from them when I did. Having caring family and close friends like that has been a real big help a lot of the time. They teach me how to be me, I help bail them out of trouble with a well timed Crusader antic, and we all get along fine. 
Another massive bonus I got in candy came from helping chase off some of the changelings from a rival hive. I think their Queen was named Chrysalis, but I can’t be sure. But, once they get sent off, I got to loot their place for candy. Sure, that makes me basically a scout, but I’m not old enough or trained enough to handle other hives.
The last major thing that got me candy was pulling some “special effects” for Granny Smith. All I did was change my costume from werewolf to bunny, and back. I had to make sure I did it while she was alone though, or somepony else would have seen me and caught on that I wasn’t normal.
Once I’d managed to loot myself nearly two full bags of candy, I started heading back to the statue of Nightmare Moon. As luck would have it, I was the last one there. I guess that last trip to Time Turner’s house to save his flank made me a bit late. Still, the bonus from his thank you was worth it. That, and the gratification of stopping a Replacer. Those kinds of bugs are the scum of Equis. They can’t just make up a whole new identity, and instead just replace somepony? It’s just wrong. At least with a personal identity, you can live with showing your real flaws and talents.
“Ah, the latecomer. How have you fared in your hunt?” Princess Celestia asked. At least, I assumed it was Celestia. I’ve been hearing rumors from the Castle that there’s another one up there that acts more like a troll than a princess. I slipped into the act of fear, enjoying how much her intimidation factor got my adrenaline pumping, and presented my two nearly overstuffed bags. Nightmare Moon trotted up and appraised my offering.
“My, what a productive little wolf! Two bags, all filled up with no room to squeeze.” She praised with a pleased voice. I turned to find Diamond Tiara stairing with a dropped jaw and stuck out my tongue in a friendly taunt. Seeing her fume in her stage magician’s costume made my night. It definitely made up for when she made Apple Bloom trip and fall into the Apple tub Applejack was watching over. Celestia’s dark chuckle caught my attention.
“Well now, petty revenge aside, however justified it may be, now comes the fun part.” She announced, looking to her sister. Luna nodded, before leaning in close and whispering. I sensed a lot of interest and surprise as they spoke.
“Well, I can’t fault the little pup for keeping the town safe. I say she earned it.” I heard Celestia whisper. My eyes widened, and I nearly recoiled when I heard that. How the heck did she… Wait, Luna must have been keeping tabs on the ponies competing to make sure she knew who was cheating. I knew I wasn’t being paranoid when I stopped that replacer! Once again, Celestia’s dark laughter brought me back to reality.
“It’s time to pick out the strong from the Cheap.” Celestia announced. “Those who’ve cheated will now face proper punishment. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! Step forth!” Her voice boomed with the strength of a mountain. I scurried back to the group, now genuinely afraid. I didn’t want to be called out as a fake! I’ve already worked so hard to make a life here!
“You two were caught simply taking treats from other foals you deemed weaker than yourself. You preyed on your competition, rather than actually compete with them. For this, your bounty is forfeit to all those you’ve preyed upon.” Nightmare Moon accused and sentenced them. It was definitely poetic justice. “Do not think we shall be so kind to you the next time you are found to be guilty of inflicting suffering upon others. That’s my job, and I’ll gladly show you how skilled I am at doing so.”
“The rest of you played our game well. But some of you didn’t play well enough. Pinkie Pie, your insatiable appetite and lack of control were your downfall.” I blinked. Pinkie actually lost? And here I thought she’d be in first place, no questions asked.
“Sparkler, Dinky, While your attempts to avoid cheating at all costs were commendable, you lacked the ambition to pull ahead, and thus lost a great many opportunities.” Luna chastised.
“Sweetie Belle, you stuck close to only areas you felt comfortable in, thus constricting your options. You were doomed before you could begin with a strategy like that.” Celestia practically shut down my friend.
“And Apple Bloom, your candy hunting strategy was too forceful. It’s like you thought it would waste too much time to wait for them to give you the treats, and just took them yourself. You ended up losing more than you tried to take, when you were forced to give it back.” Luna cut into my other friend’s strategy.
“Button Mash, you came very close to reaching the top three, but your aggressive strategy was far too aggressive, thus chasing off opportunities. Think of it as a Milkshake Race.” Celestia said, causing Button to wince. I remember Sweetie Belle telling me about that one. She said he was screaming in agony until he found a bit on the floor.
“Now, unfortunately a great number of our little troupe have gone missing, last seen returning to their lodging. This means we’re down to our final three.” Luna announced. I listened with rapt attention as the finalists were listed. I still hadn’t been addressed yet, and I was beginning to get curious, forgetting my earlier fear.
“Featherweight. Your investigative skills brought you to the places with the greatest bounty. Despite having a follower, you still managed to achieve the third greatest amount of treats.” Celestia switched from demotional to praising. I can’t believe I just heard that. Featherweight? I guess I really underestimated him.
“Pipsqueak, you proved to be better ninja than a pirate tonight. Due to your small size and lack of experience, you were easily underestimated, thus giving you the advantage when following Featherweight. Your adept use of your costume also gained you a larger sum than the one you shadowed.” Luna praised. Wow. She can say that again.
“And finally, we have our winner.” Celestia said, looking straight at me. “Scootaloo, you earned the grand majority of your haul through reward, rather than through trick, or treat. The fact that you also saved a life in the process is more than commendable. You’ve been an unsung hero until this point, and now it’s time for your actions to be recognized.”
“Wait, what?” Twilight echoed my thoughts. “Scootaloo saved a pony’s life? That’s amazing! What happened?”
“It’s not our place to tell. Now come along, young pup. Pick a princess.” She beckoned me forth. For a moment, my earlier fear of being found out returned, and I was tempted to just decline and take home my haul, but then I figured if they knew and wanted to sell me out, they’d have already done so. I picked Celestia, since she made me feel awesome with her speech. That, and she was radiating a hell of a lot more trust and even a bit of concern than Luna was. I trotted over to her apparently heated chariot. I carefully touched it to see how hot it was, but it turned out more like super decorative wood than magma. Excited, and it wonder, I climbed up. From this closer view, I could see that the skeletons were all actually carefully designed Animatronics crossed with Golems. Man, these things must have been expensive.
Celestia was quick to join me on her chariot. “Alright, let’s take Red Sun out for a spin.” She said to me as she took control of the skeletal pegasi animatronics. They quickly took off and I enjoyed the rush of the wind against my face, already imagining myself flying. “Bet you’re feeling pretty top-of-the-world right now.” Celestia asked with a friendly chuckle. “I bet there’s a few things you’d like to ask me. Go ahead and ask. I’m an open book up here.”
I stared at Celestia for a minute. She was really giving me her complete trust, wasn’t she? Well, I better confirm a few things while I can. “Is… is it true that there’s a second Celestia at the castle?” I asked upfront. 
“Thats me. Number one troll of the castle here.” She grinned. My eyes popped open wide. You mean I’m talking to the fake?! Wow. To think I’ve been dealing with a double this whole time. “The name’s James Solaris, but you can call me Celly.”
“Okay. Hehe. this is kinda crazy. I’ve been looking at a copy this whole time.” I remarked on my thoughts. 
Not as crazy as Prince Blueblood accidentally hitting on a changeling posing as a maid, failing, and then me succeeding just to prove a point to him.” Celly countered.
“...wat.” Did she literally just tell me she wooed a changeling, knowing fully what it was? I… I just… I don’t even. I CAN’T even.
“Well, you’re handling it better then blueblood did. He thought I was going to turn around and rape him.” She said, getting a laugh out of me. “Honestly, he’s not my type.” 
“So who changed your voice? I know you aren’t a changeling, so you have to have had somebuggy assist you.” I asked to change the subject.
“It was Clean Sweep. She’s head of the cleaning staff. You wouldn’t know her, she’s been entirely alone since she abandoned her tyrant of a Queen.” She was right, I didn’t know her.Still, somebuggy to tell the Queen about next time I argue the futility of anonymity… I swear, listening to Sweetie Belle is turning me into an egg head. Or maybe it’s because of that time an earth pony named Book Smarts accidentally connected to the hive.
“Okay… you wouldn’t happen to know our rival hive, would you? I think their Queen’s name is Chrysalis…” I asked. Hey, I figured it was worth a shot.
“Oh, her. Yeah, I’ve got a plan to deal with her. She’ll be attacking Canterlot in a couple months on the day of Captain Shining Armor’s wedding. I’m thinking of just letting her in, so I can convince her to be nice.” I looked at her like she’d just grown another head. She wants to do what? I’m sorry, that just sounds too stupid.
“And what do you plan on offering? Infinite love? Because that’s the only thing that’ll please those Replacer scum.” I joked. She just sat there and pokerfaced me. “You’re kidding me. You’re kidding, right?” I started getting nervous as her silent pokerface wore on. “Where the heck could you even get infinite love?!”
“Does the name Crystal Empire mean anything to you?” she finally answered. My eyes widened. 
“You mean it’s real?” I asked in shock. I quickly sent the news through the Hive Mind.
“Honey, unless the princess directly tells you it’s fake, assume every story you’ve heard about the past it true.” She warned me. “Because most of them are.”
“Wow, okay… That’s a scary thought. I wouldn’t want to face down with something like Tirek.” I remarked. I shudder to even think about what would happen if I ever ran into that monster. Unlike the Headless Horse, he actually poses a threat to everything I’ve done to make a great life. I noticed her wince. “Oh, well ain’t that just perfect.”
“Hey, as long as we get him before he starts getting big, we should be okay. Plus, I could still take him even if he eats my magic. I used to be a being without magic, so I won’t be weak.” She reassured me. I sighed. 
“That still doesn’t make me feel any better.” I said. She held a hoof to her chin in thought.
“Well… how about I show you some powerful forms you could copy? You could use them when the situation gets desperate, and be both a badass and a hero.” She proposed. Oh? Now this, I gotta see.
“What kind of forms? Do they have laser beams? Or super powers? Wait, changelings can’t copy powers…” I started asking. I heard my friend Bonbon chuckle over the Hive Mind, distracting me from my questions for a second.
“You’ll see. Come stop by Canterlot when you’ve got the time. I’ll make a badass out of you yet.” She answered. I noticed the chariot slowing down and looked to find that we were landing back in the grove. I turned back to her as she put on her act again. 
“Go now, young one, and remember what I’ve told you. Anything is possible. All you have to do is just do it!” She said in farewell. I gave her a salute. 
“I will not disappoint, Solar Flare!” I replied as she and Luna took off. Wait, is a copy of Celestia still sisters with Luna? Crap. It’s too late to ask now… without blowing Celly’s cover anyway. I can still ask her later when I visit though. For now, I had a bed calling my name. It’s been a long night.



~Celly~
“Okay, how are we splitting this?” I asked my sort-of-sister back at the castle. We’d taken our haul to Luna’s room, where we were now deciding over how to share it.
“I have a spell for that.” Luna answered. Her horn lit up, and the pile split itself into half. Although when I looked closer, my side was slightly bigger and more full of chocolates. “Hey, why’s yours bigger?”
“Probably because I intend to share it with a certain friend of mine.” I answered, not giving away who I was talking about. 
“Oh, well that’s fair.” She responded. “Is it for a date?”
“Probably. I did a little flirting to show Bluey how it’s done, but the subject in question is still undecided. I’m letting her take her time.” I answered, earning a laugh from Luna.
“So that’s why he came screaming about you trying to rape him. But what was he talking about when he said he nearly tried to seduce a bug?” She asked in confusion.
“He was talking about the changeling disguised as one of our maids. Evidently, not all changelings are with Queen Chrysalis. Clean Sweep was a loner.” I said.
“The head of our cleaning staff? Wow, I had no idea changelings had wormed their way so deeply into our society.” She remarked.
“Yeah, I honestly don’t care. It’s better we all try to get along anyways. As long as none of them spearhead an invasion, intent on taking over and turning everypony into their own personal feeding ground, they can do anything a pony does, maybe more.” I presented my opinion. “Besides, Scootaloo down in Ponyville is a bit of evidence that there’s more Queens out there than Chrysalis.”
“Wow, not even here a full week, and you’re picking out secrets like a farmer harvests crop. I think I’m getting a bit jealous.” Luna said playfully.
“Ah, don’t worry. It’s only because of the massive amount of free time I have. The drawback though, is that I can’t seem to hide my own secrets very well. If I were my own pony instead of a Celestia clone, my talent would essentially be the Truth.” I claimed. “Though to be fair, the only ones who’ve been able to pick off my secrets have been changelings like Scootaloo.”
“Are you sure you aren’t a changeling then?” Luna joked.
“Pft. I wish. Shapeshifting is freakin awesome!” I countered. “Anyway, I better get going. I’ve got a date to prep for, and a ship to avoid sinking.” I said as I got up and grabbed my loot. “It’s been fun.”
“Yes, it has been. You were right, by the way. Young Pipsqueak told me I was the best princess. Thank you for all you’ve done.” She said sincerely. I nodded with a smile.
“Anytime.” And with that, I took my leave. I set course for Princess Celestia. I really needed to talk to her about my pyromania.

> Interlude: So are we Dating?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Interlude: So Are We Dating?

~Switchlock~
It’s pretty much every other day I get hit on as a castle maid, but getting the attention like that is what’s kept me alive and not starving this whole time. However, for a pony to pretty much see right through my disguise and still hit on me, especially a clone of the Princess, I was shocked. And the love was just so… pure. It tasted like freaking rainbows and lollipops. I’m thinking it’s a bit addictive too, because now that I’ve had a taste, I can’t stop my mind from going back to the memory. 
Which is why I now stand just outside the Cafe. I can just sense her in there, emotions loaded with joy, mischief, and the curiosity of youth. Sensing that, I had to wonder just how young this clone really was. Gathering my nerves, and my personal disguise of a green pegasus stallion, I walked into the cafe.
The false princess was sitting there, all set up like she was waiting for a date. Just the look of the setting made me blush. She was wearing some kind of dress, too. It looked beautiful on her, and the makeup really accentuated it. It gave her a really powerful, yet graceful look. 
“Hey, glad you came. I’ve been thinking a lot about changelings lately. I realized I haven’t exactly been asking the good questions about you guys anytime I could.” She greeted me. That gave me pause. She recognised me? How? I haven’t used this form in over a year.
“Uh… how’d you…?” I started nervously. She rolled her eyes.
“Well, it’s kinda hard not to notice how nervous you are, and that you wouldn't stop staring at me. You don’t have to be an Empath to see how nervous you’re acting.” She replied. “Okay, my turn. Did you steal my laptop at some point? Because that form looks just like the one my original character uses. I mean, exactly like him.” She asked. I blinked in confusion. 
“Uh… no? What is a laptop?” I asked. She blinked in response, then narrowed her eyes at me. 
“It’s a data storage device, loaded up with multiple different programs. Now… I can’t believe I haven’t asked by now, but what’s your name?” She took her turn.
“My given name is Switchlock, but I’ve been using Mirror Hold for the past year.” I answered. Her shock and dropped jaw prevented me from asking my next question.
“Holy shit. I’m actually talking to my OC…” I could feel both a fangasm and slight fear grow from her. That threw me way off. She was nervous? What for?
“Is… something wrong?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t about me. It’d be weird if it was though.
“Oh, nothing much… just… Are you familiar with the Multiverse Theory?” She asked. Before I could answer an affirmative, she continued. “Oh, wait. I know you are. I’m the one that designed your character.”
“Wait, what? What are you talking about?” I asked, confused by that remark.
“Basically, apply the Multiverse theory to any fiction or tall tale you’ve heard, and you’ve got the truth. You were a character I made to roleplay with.” She answered. Wow. That’s… just… wow. I honestly wasn’t expecting that. Though it reminds me of one of my brothers back in the Hive. He was firmly seated in the very same belief that Celly just told me. Back then, he used to be a pretty good author. He often wrote these fantastical stories of these distant worlds, often ones where technology ruled where magic was feared. His most focused on character was...
“Uh… would your name happen to be James Solaris?” I asked on a hunch. Her eyes widened, and she recoiled in massive shock.
“... well then. I guess we really don’t need to explain each other’s origins, now do we?” she remarked. I shook my head.
“No, I guess not.” I agreed. We sat in awkward silence for a moment. “By Faust, my brother is going to freak when he hears you’re real. Or not, since he believes what you just told me. He’s always been kind of a nut about his stories.”
“Oh, so I’m your friend’s OC? Heh. If I’d met my friend’s OC, I’m not sure if I’d be screwed or the luckiest man in the multiverse.” She chuckled. I raised an eyebrow.
“Why’s that?” I asked curiously. 
“Because said OC is the freaking Alicorn of Darkness. Chitsuki, the Blood Moon.” She answered with a slight shiver. “Scary powerful.”
“Yikes. How’d you end up here, though? My friend never wrote anything about crossing the dimensional barrier.” I asked.
“Discord.” She answered. Okay, that’s a pretty good explanation. “Wish I could have been there for Moony’s return, though. But, gotta take what you get, you know?”
“Boy, do I ever.” I agreed. “I’ve been living like that for a while.”
“Oh, yeah. How does love taste, by the way? It’s always been something a number of fans of this world have been wanting to confirm.” She asked, changing the topic. I was kinda glad for that. The topic was getting more awkward than when it started.
“Oh, it’s got a wide variety of tastes. Some love tastes sweet, others salty, and even a few varieties taste a bit like… carrot sticks for some reason.” I answered. I heard a muffled laugh, and looked up to see James covering her mouth with both hooves in a poor attempt to hide her blush and laughter. “Wait… Oh, sweet mother of… WHY? That just sounds so freaking dirty!” Celly toppled out of her chair laughing openly.
“I have no freaking clue how that worked, but I am so glad it did!” Celly said before falling into another fit of laughter.
“You okay, Princess?” a guard poked his head in. Celly took a moment to calm down.
“No, I’m fine, Blade. Thanks for the concern though.” She replied once she got her breathing under control. With realization at her comment, I glared at her.
“Oh, real mature, Celly. How old are you? Twelve?” I asked angrily.
“Eightteen, actually. But close.” She answered. Well no wonder she’s so immature. She’s barely out of high school! I was just about to get up and rage quit when she pulled something out of a box by her side. “Chocolate?”
I blinked. “Chocolate..? CHOCOLATE! OH HELL FUCKING YES! GIMME THAT SHIT!” I dived for it, snatching the brown gold out of her hooves and greedily stuffing it down my throat. I noticed Celly laughing, but didn’t care. If she wanted to know how much I treasured this stuff, she should go drink some Sunset Overdrive in the universe with the same name.
“Wow, you really love chocolate.” Celly observed with an amused grin. “Considering your reaction to one, maybe I shouldn’t tell you where the rest is hidden.”
“There’s… moar?!” I gaped at her. “GIMMEGIMMEGIMME!”
“Nope. You gotta earn it.” Celly replied. Oh, COME ON! What the hell kinda restrictions does a pony have to put on Chocolate? It’s fucking chocolate, man! It’s like bacon for the gryphons! “Besides, this is supposed to be a date. Not a chocolate homicide.”
“Wait, we’re dating?” I asked, having not caught on to that particular fact. 
“You mean the setting wasn’t obvious?” Celly asked in a deadpan voice, pointing to her dress and the table. 
“Oh yeah. I do remember noticing it when I walked in. Guess I forgot.” I admitted. She suddenly grinned, and leaned over the table for a thankfully non-crushing hug.
“Get over here, ya goofy little bugger.” She said jovially. I tasted that special addictive love again and grinned as I consumed it. Now that I tasted it again, I could tell why it tasted so good. It’s because it was meant for me. Not my disguise, not somepony I was pretending to be, it was truly mine. Like the chocolate I was denied. Or maybe not. Still, it was a close second. 
“Holy shit, dude, you look high as fuck. Is my love a drug or something?” She asked in wonder. She started poking me when I didn’t respond, but I was still caught up in enjoying the new love. My love. Love I’d regret taking if I didn’t give some back, I realized. So I hugged her back, really tight. I suddenly realized the accidental innuendo I’d made in my head, and I heard a soft pomf as my wings shot up, followed by Celly giggling. “It seems someone is certainly happy to be loved.”
“Whyyy brain. Whyyyyy!?” I cried in outrage of my rebellious, and for some reason horny mind.
“Because reasons” I heard a voice answer me in the back of my head. I turned to glare at the door I’d entered from to find a smug pony waving and smiling at me like a troll before walking away. 
“Oh, shut up. I didn’t ask you.” I replied before they left range. I turned back to Celly and found her looking at me oddly. Maybe even a bit suggestively. 
“You know… I can think of a way to fix that wing problem…” She whispered very seductively.
“Wait, are you suggesting what I-”
“A cold shower.” She suddenly cut me off. I realized I forgot to check her emotions to confirm my suspicions. There was a lot of mirth in that massive-flanked pony.
“Nah, I think I’d prefer the other way.” I counter trolled. There was another soft pomf as her wings shot up, and she stopped laughing.
“Okay, I'll get the ice cubes.” And suddenly my wings were back under my control.
“Um… I don’t think that’ll be necessary, James.” I said as I watched her get up and head into the kitchen. However, it looked like the comment wasn’t necessary either.
“Damnit! Why the hell did I have the be the freaking sun!” She shouted in frustration from behind the walls. She came back with a noticeably wetter hoof. Hehe. wet hoof.
“Jeeze, what have you been doing in there?” I asked with no small amount of mirth. She flicked a few droplets of water at me in response. 
“It's not my fault ice melts when I touch it!” She responded with a pout. I grinned and rolled my eyes in an over exaggerated way.
“Oh, that’s what it was. I totally thought it was something else.” pomf Just as she was getting her wings under control, too.
“Sh-shut up! You just don't want to let any ‘love’ go to waste!” She countered. 
“Wooow, at least wait until the second date.” I chided. Man, who knew trolling a princess would be so fun! I know she’s not a real princess, but she seems to have a guard, so might as well be calling her one. 
“... You’re evil.” She glared at me. I feigned a hurt look.
“I might be a changeling, but that doesn’t mean I’m evil, you racist pony.” I countered jokingly. She rolled her eyes. 
“Racist? Please, I hate everyone equally.” she claimed. I chuckled, recognising the reference. It was one of the random things Discord said while he was out. He was impersonating this one vampony, Alucard, I think his name is. A really popular character among ponies.
“And by that am I supposed to assume you mean you don’t hate anyone?” I asked. Her laugh was my answer. There was the Drug-love again. Oh, sweet euphoria… 
“Aaaand, there goes drug-face again. You sure you’re okay?” she asked with a hint of amusement.
“Never better…” I slurred.
“Heh. Jizz and I’ll believe that.” She scoffed. So I did. Heh. The look on her face… “Wow. You actually did it. So, you’re high as fuck and can Cum on command. That’s… pretty cool.”
“Yeah…” I started, but then I realized something. If James ever went into heat… “Oh fuck.”
“What, now? I thought you said to wait for the second date.” she teased. I chuckled, but it was a bit hollow from noticing what I did. 
“Funny, James…” She blinked. 
“What, is there something wrong?” She asked seriously.
“Just… if you end up in Heat, please go easy on me.” I begged. She blinked and blushed. Pomf goes the Alicorn Wings.
“Uh… alright.” She muttered. Blade, I think his name was, poked his head in.
“Hey, Celly. You want me to leave you two alone for a bit? I can smell it’s getting a bit steamy in here.” He remarked. Pomf goes the changeling’s wings.
Yep. You’re screwed. Literally. A voice told me. I turned to glare at the intruding changeling again, to find it was the same guy.
“Buck off, you freakin perv!” I shouted at him. James laughed. 
“Alright Blade. If you really want it to happen, Switch and I can have a little fun.” She replied. Blade chuckled as I stared at James in horror. She was really going to do it?  With me?! But we only just met! She turned to me when her guard left. 
“Don’t worry. This is only the first date. I’m not as bad as I was a year ago, when I went around using characters to fuck just about anyone on the internet I found willing to put up with my fetishes.” She assured me. I breathed a sigh of relief.
“So… that comment...”
“Was just to get his hopes up that we’d have fun. I’m pretty sure his snoopy little flank is realizing he just got trolled.” She smirked. True to her word, I sensed a blast of shock from around the corner. I grinned and chuckled a troll’s laugh.
“Wow, you’re good.” I complimented. 
“When I don’t even try.” She replied. “When I try, that’s when things fuck up.” Yeah, I remember the stories of the Slender Incident. I decided against mentioning it.
“Well, I’d say this was a rather successful first date. If you could call it that, anyway.” I said, getting my composure. She smiled.
“Yeah, I suppose it was. But to me, it’s not exactly a date unless we plan on doing it again.” She replied with a prompting look.
“Yeah… I think I’d like that. You open Friday at 10?” I answered. She giggled.
“I think I’m more open than you at the moment. I’ve literally got no jobs. Guess we’ll meet then though.” She responded. “Catch ya ‘round. I’ve gotta find Bluey and meet up for our weekly Gentleman’s training.” She could split her face with the grin she pulled at the mention of that. I laughed.
“Hope it ends well. That guy seriously need to get that attitude fixed.” I genuinely commented. She nodded.
“Yeah. That’s what I’m trying to do. So far, he’s proven to be really resilient.” She frowned. 
I snorted. “Heh. Maybe you should drag his hide off to Queen Chrysalis. Make him a changeling, and he’ll definitely learn a lot quicker. That is, if he doesn’t starve first.” 
She blinked. “You can do that?”
My turn. “Uh… no, not me. It has to be a Queen. And even then, it’s a huge taboo among our kind. Converts must be willing.”
“Huh… Well, see ya. I’ve got plans to make and a Bluebitch to fix.” She said as she left. I snorted at the name as I left too.
“Heh. Bluebitch. Reminds me of when he got genderflipped.” I chortled. “Certainly a lot more fitting.”
Then I froze. “Wait a bucking second, she’s making Plans?!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW7Op86ox9g

> Chapter 9: Make a Badass Out of You
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Today was turning out to be a great day. Earlier this morning, I spotted Blueblood acting nicer towards his servants, I got to play Portal 2 with Luna, and Tia invited me to attend court with her. She’d finally given the announcement about me yesterday, so now I was more free to drop in on some more public things and be a dork as usual.
I also made friends with Fancy Pants a couple days back. He and his wife Fleur are pretty nice ponies, all things considered. I got to learn a bit of french from them, but I don’t think I’ll be learning the whole friggin language. Learning spanish back in high school was already enough of a hastle. Besides, I’d rather learn japanese so I can actually read my hentai and sex games. I’m still working on building the initiative to do that.
I was a bit pissed, after the day at Court, but it was a good kind of frustration I welcomed. After all, I finally got to feel important. I got satisfaction at being able to mindfuck a few of the bigoted nobles though. I also made them realise how much of an idiot they were being without ever saying anything of the like. That made even Luna and Celestia smile, and some of the guards smirked in something like pride as some of those nobles walked out, beating themselves up for being so stupid. All I had to do was ask them to answer a few simple questions. For instance:
“And that is why it would be a good idea to spend part of the royal funds for my family’s sake.” One noble said, sounding pretty proud of the shit demonstration he’d presented. I rolled my eyes, but kept a pretty good pokerface. 
“I can see your points, Jade, but would you mind telling me how you expect to pay back the debt? From what I can see, your plan won’t generate any income at all.” I asked. “I know commoner ponies with better plans than that.”
“I… I uh… Hmm… That is a rather strong oversight… I suppose I may have to reevaluate my plan. Thank you, Princess.” He bowed and folded away his presentation. 
“I’d recommend collaborating with a member of the Apple Family, or Filthy Rich. Those ponies are rather proficient at planning around these kinds of issues.” I recommended as he left. However, before he left, I turned to Celestia and grinned. She grinned back, ever so slightly, and together, we both spoke. 
“Have a good day.” We said in the creepiest way possible. I reveled at the sight of his spine shivering as he disappeared around the corner. Yeah, that was a new thing Tia and I started doing. It was fun as hell, too. 
In other news, My new boyfriend Switch apparently discovered my stash of Hentai. I knew it was him because I saw him walking away from my new room with a blush and erection. And I checked my file history. He knows too much. Now, I must either initiate him into my circle of clop, or destroy him. I’m hoping for the former.
A knock came from my door after I cleaned the sticky mess Switch left behind in his mad rush to hide that he clopped to my hentai. My guard Solid was there.
“Hey, Celly. There’s a filly that wanted to see you. She’s waiting with her mom down by the castle gates.” he informed me. I smiled in excitement. I’ve been waiting for this. 
“Alright, would you mind showing me the way?” I requested as I grabbed my laptop. “Feel free to stick with us. We’re gonna be getting down to some true badassery.”
“As nice as that would be, there’s other things I gotta do. I’m still on duty. I’ll bring you to them but then I gotta get back to my post.” he said as he lead me to the little changeling I’ve been expecting. True to his word, Scootaloo was right out there with an older mare. I recognised the older pony though. She was highly unmistakeable. It was freakin Spitfire. I dropped my jaw. 
“Holy raptor jesus, you’re Scootaloo’s mom!?” I exclaimed, shocked. Spitfire blinked. She looked pretty confused that I was so shocked, but scoots pitched in and saved my flank.
“Mom, this is the copy. The one from another world that Discord brought here.” she explained. Spitfire dropped her jaw in turn. 
“Holy blazing Buck, you mean my lieutenants weren’t just kidding around?!” she asked, about as shocked with me as I was with her. I regained my composure after a second. 
“Well then. Nice to meet you, I guess. I hope this doesn’t sound stalker-ish, but I’m a good fan of yours. Er, not so much I’d lose my shi- I mean mind like a certain polychromatic pegasus, but big enough.” I greeted her, earning a giggle from both of the fliers in front of me. After another moment, I realized I should probably introduce myself. “Um… My name’s James Solaris, but you can call me Celly.” I said, holding out my hoof.
“Spitfire. But you already knew that.” she took my hoof and gave it a firm shake. I shook back just as firmly. “Now uh… what was with that “holly raptor jesus” thing? Never heard anypony say something like that before.”
“Erm… don’t worry about it. It’s just one of the more child friendly expletives my world’s people use.” I explained it away. “Now, I’m just about ready to start training Scootaloo in total badassery. You wanna stay, or do you have somewhere to be?”
“I’ve got some recruits to train and evaluate, but I’ll be back later to pick her up.” Spits said, before taking wing. “See ya. Don’t let her blow anything up!” 
“What, wha-” I started asking, but Scootaloo cut me off.
“Don't ask. You do not want to know.”she said with intensity. 
“Pretty sure I do. After all, I’ve heard of someone riding a shark onto a shore and just as randomly grabbing his backpack from inside of said shark. And then the shark exploded.”
“Wow, really?” Scoots fell for it. 
“No, but I honestly would laugh my plot off if it did happen. Though there is the strange occurrence in my world of people stealing a certain mile marker sign from the highway. And not even that, I heard there was a town in my world named Fucking.”
“That’s… strangely not that surprising. This world’s got a city called Bucking.” she replied. I chuckled, and turned around.
“Alright, come with me. There’s a sparring ring in the Gardens, we can use it to make sure you don’t do any permanent damage to the environment.” I suggested as I lead the way.
“Wait, you’re gonna fight me?” Scoots asked as she followed, sounding scared. 
“Pft. No. Do you even realize how unfair that would be?” I retorted. “I’m a friggin Alicorn. I’m not just going to fight a child. Even if some of the things I’m gonna teach you could totally kick my flank if you used them right.”
We arrived at the sparring ring quickly, and I stepped in with Scootaloo. I got my laptop from my bag, and opened it up to YouTube. “Alright, the first guy I’m gonna show you is pretty badass.” I typed in the search for the Fenrir fight from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance. “I want you to pay more attention to the metal wolf than the human cyborg, alright? The Bladewolf’s the one I want you to learn from.”
She nodded as I began the video. She watched with awe and focus as the video played, keeping her eye on the boss anytime she could. Now, the video I picked was not one of those super-practiced, overpowered, s-rank guides to taking out the wolf. Instead, I chose a blind let’s play that played out someone’s first encounter with the Bladewolf, because I wanted to show Scoots just how much butt this form could kick. Turns out, the search for a video with the Bladewolf kicking butt was harder to find than I thought. Still found it though. Eventually, the player finally beat the boss and moved on. I cut the video off there, but then I noticed something new among the video selections. 
“Holy… There’s a Bladewolf DLC for the game now?! HELL YES!” I clicked over to the new video, and watched it excitedly. Not spoiling anything for those of you who haven’t seen it, but to put it short, I was blown away. 
“So, think you can copy that?” I asked when the DLC videoes ended. She nodded with a wide grin and stepped back to focus. It took a few minutes, and she did change a few time, usually getting it wrong in some way, but I helped her and she finally got it. 
The form was a near flawless copy. The metal plating her skin was now served as better armor than her chitin, and any sort of blow to the metal armor was dulled by the material. The pain felt by such a blow was also dimmed. No, I didn’t hit her full force. I only gave her a light punch, like a sort of friendly shove you’d give a friend for making fun of something you did. She only barely felt it, and didn’t stagger or move in the least.
“Alright, now let’s test out the chainsaw. That’ll be your stronger weapon in this form.” I said, getting fully into my role as an instructor. Scootaloo replied in an exact copy of the Bladewolf’s voice.
“You got it.” she said with a nod. The chainsaw on her now long tail revved up and she whipped it around and tore into the ground in front of her, just like the boss in his introduction scene. It was intimidating as hell, and I know I would’ve shit my pants had I seen this when I was still human. Instead, I just grinned at the sight of the damage being done. I felt a little itching in the back of my mind, but I could only guess that just meant Scoots was more actively feeding on my inner fangirling to help maintain that form. After all, it sure as hell should take up a lot more energy.
“That’s perfect. Now, let’s try out some agility. That’ll be the other thing you gotta rely on in this form. Jump onto the castle wall, run along it a couple paces, then jump at me.” I instructed. Once again, she answered with the Bladewolf’s monotone and nodded. 
“No sweat.” She turned to the wall, her chainsaw tail flicking idly behind her as she coiled up and threw herself forward. I noticed the red glimmer of light come from her before she jumped though, meaning she also had that little indicator of attack flaw all of Metal Gear Rising’s enemies had. We’d have to work on that. The glow seemed to shine just a bit brighter as she blitzed across the wall, before jumping back off of it straight for me. I hopped back a bit to avoid a collision, and she landed, creating massive cracks in the ground where she landed. Wow, that landing would have left me with at least a few broken ribs if I’d been hit with it. Glad I avoided it.
“That was just plain awesome. Alright, you can drop this form now. I know it’s taking a lot of power to maintain.” I told her. Her shoulders slumped as she dropped the disguise, looking thoroughly relieved. 
“Phew. That really did take a lot outta me. How’d you know?” she asked. I chuckled before I gave my answer.
“Well, for one thing, I know you don’t naturally have the agility, chainsaw and prehensile tail the Bladewolf does. That, and you altered your size, weight and density. All of that put together had to have had a bigger drain on you than simply being a pony. I also felt you draining me for the extra energy you needed to maintain that form.” I explained. 
“Oh, yeah… I guess it is kinda obvious. I’m probably not gonna be all that good at maintaining it until I get bigger. Still, it oughta help out pretty well in a tough fight.” she resumed the subject on her own initiative. Heh. Didn’t think the squirt had it in her.
“Yeah, that’s right. Hey, I’ve got a couple more you could probably use better. They’re closer to being ponies than most powerful forms I know.” I said, returning to my laptop. I put in the next search for two very specific Pokemon. Rapidash, and Zebstrika. I didn’t go into too much detail about the two, but I included the kinds of attacks they could use and talked a bit about their affinities; Rapidash’s being fire, and Zebstrika’s being electricity and speed. Scootaloo was pretty eager to try out Zebstrika’s form. After all, she liked being fast.
As she changed, the green flames that consumed her form and replaced it seemed to remain as green lightning around her form. “Whoa… I feel like I could run forever! Is this what being an Earth Pony feels like?” she marveled. I giggled, not really knowing the true answer to that.
“Go on, give it a test. Try and run a bit through the maze, I’ll keep an eye on you from above.” I encouraged her. She grinned and galloped off into the labyrinth of leaves. I smiled, flying up above her and keeping pace. I laughed as she dashed past a few known dicks among the nobles, kicking up dust, scaring them, and making them cough like they just took a whiff of the dead. I decided to play a prank with them after that. I flew down and put on an urgent facade.
“Are you alright, my little ponies?” I asked, trying to sound really worried. Inside, I was really trying hard not to laugh. “None of you were electrocuted, were you?”
“Nothing that serious, Princess, but it’ll take at least a few minutes to get the dust off my suit.” I heard one of them say as the dust cleared. I froze with a forced frown on my face when the dust cleared. It was a real test of my will not to fall apart laughing as I looked them all over. There was Jade, Filthy Rich, and best of all, Blueblood. And all of their fur and their manes were sticking up in the air, with electricity arcing between them. None of them had burns, but they looked pretty ridiculous. 
“What? Is there something on my face?” Rich asked, feeling his face obliviously. I clenched my teeth, trying to not laugh. I failed.
“Pffft HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I started rolling on the floor, my legs weak from laughing so hard. It didn’t help that the Benny Hill theme started playing in my head to fit the situation. They all looked like miniature Fluffle Puffs! I heard a trio of screaming, and had to look up to see their faces. It was priceless. Blueblood’s especially, since it was red with rage and embarrassment.
“Just bucking great… I should have known you’d have something to do with this, Celly. You never fail to catch me with one of your bad jokes.” he muttered. I just laughed on.



I caught up with Scoots later, after dealing with the nobles. They wouldn’t let me go without answering a few questions. Namely if I was going to do anything about their situation, (“Yes.”) What I would do, (“Give you advice.”) and what advice I had to give them. (“Touch each other.”) My answer to that last one caused some confusion and revulsion. I wonder why? 
Shameless innuendoes aside, Scootaloo found being Zebstrika much easier than being a Bladewolf. That showed from the fact that she hadn’t stopped running and even smiled widely as she ran. She wasn’t out of breath, even from shouting out her excitement to the wind she practically ripped through. I had a bit of trouble trying to keep up without breaking the sound barrier, she was going so fast. Okay, maybe I was just exaggerating. Maybe I was just trying to act like I had a hard time keeping up just to give her the feeling of being faster than a princess. Or maybe I’m just kind of having fun being obscure with you guys. Either way, I lagged behind her a bit as she ran, and it kind of scared me when she ended up starting a Volt Tackle somehow. I mean, that move was a double edged sword, damaging both the user and the target. Thankfully, when I got her to stop, she wasn’t hurt.
“That felt like I had a bunch of needles dancing over my skin.” Scoots told me after managing to calm me down. “Look, maybe it wasn’t this Volt Tackle thing. Can this Pokemon even use it? You said different Pokemon might not be able to use all of the same moves.” She did raise a good point, so I did a bit of research. Apparently, Zebstrika can’t learn Volt Tackle, but there’s another one it can use. Wild Charge. It’s apparently a watered down version of Volt Tackle. 
“Huh. Never knew about that one. Guess I’m not as big of a fan as I thought I was.” I muttered, a little disappointed in myself. I could understand if plenty of others were disappointed in me too. 
“Hey, it’s alright, Celly. Sometimes the world just throws little curveballs like that at you. No point in dwelling on it though.” Scoots said. I blinked in surprise. 
“That’s… shockingly mature of you, Scootaloo.” I stated. She shrugged.
“Maybe it’s the body. It’s making me feel really… different.” she said, waving it off. I shrugged to, letting the subject pass.
“Well, I guess that’s passed. Wanna burn things now?” I asked enthusiastically, wanting to see Rapidash’s form. Scootaloo back up a bit, looking a little unnerved. 
“Uh… maybe later.” she turned down. I frowned.
“What’s wrong? As long as you’re in the ring over on the other side of the gardens, you can burn things free of consequence.” I tried to persuade her. 
“No, it’s not burning things I’m uncomfortable about… it’s your face when you mentioned burning things.” she replied. I recoiled and facehoofed.
“Damnit, Tia… Alright, let’s try to avoid anything about fire right now. I’m starting to think I might lose my mind the next time I see fire.” I said, a bit worried for my mental health. Scootaloo nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, let’s stay away from Pyromania for now.” she said. We started heading back to the sparring ring together to pick up my laptop. On the way, I told her about the prank I’d pulled on those nobles. She ended up laughing harder than I did, and I had to carry her in my magic for a bit. She laughed so hard, I got her to drop her new form, too. I also came up with a plan for when Spitfire got back, and shared it with Scootaloo once she stopped laughing.
When we got there, we found Tia chatting with Spitfire. “Oh, hey guys. How long have you been waiting here?” I asked as I approached with Scoots still riding my back.
“Not long, I assure you.” Tia answered. “How has the training gone?”
“It was awesome. I taught Scoots two pretty strong and fast forms, and she’s adapting to them quite awesomely.” I replied, showing my hype. “Hey Scoots, feel like showing off the Bladewolf?” I asked my piggybacking passenger. She grinned and hopped off. When she landed, she stood in a proud posture like an Alpha Wolf, and then became the Bladewolf in a flash of fire.
“Initiating protocol “Show and Tell.” she droned in that awsome robot’s voice. Tia and Spitfire dropped their jaws. “I am unit SK007S, a first class “Bladewolf” unit. I am equipped with a high frequency motorized chain blade, capable of severing even iron in half, as well as throwing knives capable of searing melting brick upon mere seconds of contact.” she stated just like I’d told her. She then demonstrated by revving the chainsaw up and carving through the cement beneath us a little. 
This made the two ponies in front of us drop their jaws further, and their eyes to widen so much, they shrank into little dots. I raised my eyebrow as I smelled something weird, but then my other brow joined the first when I saw a pool of yellow start to collect under Spitfire’s legs.
Scootaloo continued before I could break into a laughing fit. “I am also capable of above average agility, able to strike quickly and efficiently with precision.” She demonstrated this claim to by leaping onto the nearby wall, running across it, and launching the earlier mentioned daggers at me. I easily countered with a shield, letting the daggers bounce off, but by the time my shield was back down, Scoots had jumped off the wall, landed behind me, and faced Tia and Spits.
Tia and Spits were both looking a bit paler, and Tia lacked a bit of her godly shine. “That is so freakin scary awesome.” Spits finally said. Scoots turned back, grinning a bit, but holding back a yawn. 
“Yeah, too bad it drains me so much.” she said, sounding more tired than she looked. “I think I’m ready to head home. You mind if I take a nap and eat a little on the way, mom?” she asked, trotting up to Spitfire.
“Heh. Sure thing, Squirt. Just remember I need at least a little something to fly with, so don’t eat too much.” she agreed, taking wing and picking scoots up. As she flew off, I realized something. 
“Hey wait, if Scootaloo’s a changeling and Spitfire’s her mom, does that mean Spitfire’s a changeling too?” I asked. Tia giggled at me.
“No. Spitfire is a regular pony that agreed to host Scootaloo’s egg.” she corrected. I stared unblinkingly at Spitfire’s retreating form. 
“That has some rather kinky implications.” I said, wondering if maybe I could get some of that action. Tia giggled once more, probably smelling what those implications caused my body to produce.
“A fan, I see?” She implied in question. I nodded without shame. 
“That, and so much more.” I replied. “Though somehow, I expect that you’ve learned of much more than I have. Hell, I know for a fact that you’ve actually experienced some. I’m jealous.”
“Well, that’s quite something. A pony that knows their common sense.” Tia complimented with a chuckle. “Yes, I’ve seen and experienced a number of different activities.”
“Just one sec, are we even talking about the same thing?” I asked real quick to clarify.
“Why, what are you talking about?” she asked.
“Sex. Fetishes.” I answered. 
“I see.” she said. She was trolling me, wasn’t she? Meh. I’ll let it pass. At this point, the only way to win the game was not to play. Besides, as old as she was, I doubted I could counter troll her with our current topic. Instead, I changed the topic. 
“Well, there is something I’d like to legitimately talk to you about. I’m starting to get some pretty strong pyromaniac urges.” I said, turning to face her now. She raised her eyebrow and I could have sworn I saw the slightest of smirks fall from her face. 
“You feel eager when you speak of subjects involving fire?” she asked. I nodded, and she frowned a bit deeper. “Try not to worry about it too much, but don’t ignore it completely. I started feeling those urges after I sealed my sister in the moon. It’s our inner Nightmares, I suppose you could say.”
“Wow, that’s pretty scary. I guess even if we embody light and all that shiz, even we can fall to corruption.” I replied, now more worried than ever. 
“Yes. But said corruption doesn’t come from nothing. Has there been anything bothering you to make you feel this way?” she asked, genuinely concerned for me. 
“Oh, plenty of things. First and foremost is my foreknowledge. I know some things are coming, and I’m a bit worried my precautions might only make them worse. For instance, the wedding of your guard’s captain is gonna get invaded by Queen Chrysalis’s hive because they’re starving, and I’m sitting here thinking of inviting her to freakin tea to negotiate. And yes, I’m aware of how insane that sounds, but I’m not about to shoot down someone that might not even deserve it.”
I started ranting about other things, like Tirek’s return, Discord’s reform, Twilight’s ascension, Pinkie discovering the Mirror Pool and cloning herself, the Flim Flam brothers, Trixie getting caught up in the Alicorn Amulet’s influence, and a few other issues. By the end of it, I felt like I could spontaneously combust. But Celestia put a wing over my back in a comforting gesture. 
“Don’t worry, Celly. You’re doing a fine job of preparing for the future, from what I can tell. Seriously, you just turned a filly from Ponyville into something that could scare even me. And knowing Spitfire, that filly knows the discipline to use that gift right.” she assured me, quelling my need to burn something. I smiled. 
“Heh… guess I shouldn’t be trying to plan on my own. Too much stress.” I laughed at myself. 
“That’s right. Even I don’t do my paperwork alone. I have ponies I hire to sort through it and give me the paperwork that actually matters.” she pointed out. I smiled a bit more genuinely now, but that fell when she asked the next question. “Now what was that about inviting an invader over for tea?”
“Um.. Well, they need food, but probably have had too many bad experiences with ponies in events completely out of our control to trust us completely. I’d say inviting Chrysalis over for something like that could get any misconceptions out of the way.” I reasoned, trying to flush out my nervousness. 
“Oh? I’d certainly like to hear the theories behind this.” she inquired. 
“Okay,” I started with a gulp, trying to get the lump out of my throat. “I’ve already been told that she and her hive bypass even changeling morals. Only reason for that I can think of is that she’s got some sort of grudge against us. Be that either because the Empire’s gone, some racist ponies with a hate complex attacked someone close, or because some jerk in her own hive’s trying to pull strings and cause a war, I don’t know, but in whatever the case may be, we need to clear away any misconceptions and bring the truth to bear. Best way I figure we do that, we invite her to some kind of formal, but social event.”
Celestia’s dangerous air started to fade as she listened, allowing me to present my case more clearly. When I finished, she nodded. “Yes, it makes a lot of sense. Not even changelings are immune to deception. And I once knew Chrysalis. She always did have quite the temper. It’s not impossible for one of her own to trick her into starting a war.”
“So we’re agreed? We need to get in contact somehow?” I asked to clarify. Celestia nodded. 
“I’ll tell my captain to put together an effort. What about the other threats?” she asked once that was concluded.
“Well, there’s some things I’d rather not change at all, for the sake of the Mane 6. Like Discord’s reform, and Tirek’s return. In the show, Tirek tricks Discord into helping him, only to be betrayed in the end. It teaches him to really and truly appreciate the friendships he’ll have built by then.”
“That’s… troubling. You’re certain it’s the way it’s supposed to be?” she asked.
“Yes. It might not be the most ideal course of events, considering Tirek actually gets his hands on every last drop of magic in Equestria, but considering the power Twilight unlocks in the end, it’ll be worth it.”
“The true might of Friendship?” Celestia guessed.
“Yep. Straight from the roots of the Tree of Harmony.” I confirmed. “You know, maybe it’d be easier to explain if I let you use my laptop to watch the whole show.”
“You’d do that?” she asked, surprised. 
“Sure. I mean my presence here is already bound to screw some things up. It’s not like I’m preventing a change in the timeline by hiding the future from you.” I explained my reasoning. I got my laptop out of my bag and started setting up a playlist of episodes for her to watch, starting with the Discord episode. “Here. You might not be able to finish it before sundown though. Still, it’s a thing you can do in your spare time.”
“Thank you, Celly. But.. don’t you still need it to keep in contact with your world?” she questioned. I shook my head.
“Nah. I already talked to them yesterday, and I only really need to talk to them at least once a week.” I answered. “Or whenever something big or important happens, like being involved in Twilight’s Friendship Lessons and influencing the known timeline.”
“Didn’t you just do that? You just told me about Chrysalis I mean. Without you telling me, there was simply no way I would have known how far she’d fallen.” she countered. I smiled. 
“Well, I never said I wouldn’t report that in… I’ve been being you a few times now, but you haven’t been me once.” I told her.
“I… What? Are you suggesting what I think you are?” she looked pretty shocked. I just grinned my trademark grin and started to head off.
“I think I am.” I replied as I stepped around the corner. Just behind me, I heard her sigh before she responded.
“I swear, the longer she remains here, the more chaotic things get… I’m gonna have to give Discord a stern talk when I release him for the Reform.”

> Interlude: I'm Better, I Swear!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

~Prince Blueblood~
Today is the day. If I pull this off, I might finally get that blasted Alicorn off my back.I’ll prove to her that I can meet her standards, one way or another! I’d just hoped I could have come up with a less mortifying way than this…
I sighed as I trotted to Celly’s room. I hated that this was the best idea I could think of, but it was the most suitable course of action to prove my improvement. With one last moment of hesitation to think of whether or not there were any better options, I sighed again when I failed and knocked on her door.
“Hello?” Celly answered as she opened the door. She blinked when she spotted me. “Oh, hello Bluebitch.” she smiled as she greeted me. I grit my teeth at the nickname, but held my tongue. It was frustrating enough that she treated me that way, but it’s worse when I can’t do anything about it, aside from conform to her expectations. 
“Would you please stop calling me that? It’s rather irritating.” I asked as politely as I could. I could see approval in her eyes as I did. 
“Alright. Since you asked nicely this time, I will.” she agreed. “So, what is it you needed?”
“I came to prove that I’ve gotten my act straight. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a better idea for doing that than to ask you out on a date.” I answered. She blinked and stared for a few seconds, clearly not expecting that. 
“Wow. Uh… I was not prepared for this. Alright then, when and where?” she asked. I smiled as I answered. 
“I know a fairly good diner near the castle. We could go there now if you’d like. That is, if it doesn’t interrupt any other plans you may have made.” She nodded slowly as she thought about it. 
“Alright, just let me grab my dress and finish talking with the dudes back home.” she replied. “They were just telling me about some weird new magic signatures they’re picking up.”
“Magic? Haven’t you said it doesn’t exist in your world?” I asked, a little confused about that. She gestured for me to come in as she went back, so I followed. 
“That’s right. I guess we were all wrong though, because the stuff they’re picking up has been around for… hell, who knows how long.” she said. I saw the scientists on her computer screen showing some kind of technical readouts for something, I’m assuming the strange magic she said they had found. Celly gasped as she saw a lot of their equipment begin overloading. 
“W-whoa… Okay, I’m gonna hang up and let you guys figure out what the hell fried your gear.” Celly said. The only response was a short nod from them all as they started packing things up, before the call was cut short. At my confused look, Celly turned to me to clarify. 
“Something happened and the science dudes gotta check it out. They’ll be back later to report. For now,” her dress levitated out of her closet. “Let’s get ready for that date.”
I nodded and stepped back to let her get ready. I already was, due in no small part to my personal attendant. Now that I think about it, she seems a bit happier, and more notably, competent as of late. Maybe this attitude adjustment Celly has been putting me through could be worth it.
Once Celly was dressed and ready to go, I escorted her to the restaurant I’d mentioned earlier myself. I normally ignored any distasteful looks at me from commoner ponies on my way there, but this time… each one I saw was noticeably difficult to ignore, and looking at them made me feel like I was facing Celly’s wrath once again. 
The restaurant was a fine establishment, one that catered to the selective tastes of nobles like myself, but I have caught aunts Tia and Luna complaining that it’s far too selective in what it serves.When we got there, I was thankful since the hateful glares I’d been receiving lessened considerably. 
“So, this is the place? It seems a bit too targeted for the higher class. Perhaps if they served the middle class as well, they would earn an even higher income?” Celly subtly suggested through a personality mask of some kind.She seemed to be trying to emulate a Noble Mare while still keeping her own personality. Clever. If she’d acted like herself, she’d run into so many problems here. Still, I had to agree with her. Perhaps the middle class isn’t the most savory to some ponies, but they’re still a good source of income.
“True, I suppose. Limit your target too much and your income is crippled.” I said, earning a raised eyebrow from the stallion I’d booked a seat with for this date. 
“Prince Blueblood, agreeing with a mare that admitting lower class ponies would be good? She must be something special to have taken your heart so.” he said with a slight frown. I groaned inside. 
“More than you know…” I muttered. Celly giggled at my reaction, before turning to him. 
“This date is more of a test than anything. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors of the False Princess. It turns out, there is a second Princess Celestia spawned by Discord. And she’s been working on the prince’s attitude, trying to improve it. I’ve been chosen to see if he has.” she said. All the while as she spoke, I was mentally screaming for her to stop. For her to just end the date here and now, so I can try again later when I’m not dying of embarrassment. Of course when she notices my apparently obvious embarrassment, she gives me a really smug grin. 
“Well, that’s rather interesting. Allow me to show you to your seats?” the stallion said, leading the way to the seats I’d booked. Thank Celestia. 

Celly~
I blinked as I heard Blueblood’s thoughts echoing Thank Celestia to me. Huh. That’s been happening pretty often lately. I decided to throw him another shit-eating grin just for thinking that.

Blueblood~
Oh sweet Luna she’s giving me that look again! 

Woona~
I swear, why do ponies keep saying my name when they’re so shocked! Oh wait, it was Blueblood this time… and it looks like it’s because of Celly. Fun… maybe I should watch this?

Blueblood~
After recovering from that short panic, I managed to sit down with her. Together, we each look at the menu. “Wow, even the food sounds catered for fancy tastes. One might think the chef’s special talent is dealing with picky eaters.” Celly half complained, half joked. “Still, at least the spaghetti sounds enticing. It’s been too long since I’ve tasted something like meat.” she whispered that last part mostly to herself. I winced slightly from the reminder that she very much used to like meat. Still does, apparently, despite the practice being frowned upon. 
“The wine is rather excellent too. I’d recommend the Zebrican Brew.” I suggested. She thought on that, but nodded after a moment. 
“Alright, I’ll give it a try. Never drank before, but it should be interesting enough.”
“Never drank?” I asked, interested to hear that.
“Not even once. I was underage about a year ago, and was stuck in a lab since then. So really, no alcohol besides the stuff they put on wounds and cuts, or for cooking.” she replied. 
“Well then, you’re certainly in for a treat. I hope you can take it.” I said sincerely. After another minute, the waiter arrived for our orders. Celly asked for her wine and spaghetti, and I requested the usual. A fruit salad prepared with roses shorn of their thorns. After only ten minutes of waiting, our dish arrives. Celly seemed eager to start, but waited a moment to thank the waiter before calmly picking up her fork and digging in. I myself started to eat my salad when Celly spoke up. 
“You’re doing fine so far, Blue. I can see you really have improved.” she appraised. “Keep it up. You’ll get yourself a mare you’ll really love at some point.” I smiled at the thought. Though after that, she brought a forkful of her meal into her mouth with a childish “Nam.” I felt like slamming my face into the table of embarrassment. I hope no one heard that. To do something like that around nobles is… demeaning, to say the least.
“So now, on to the dinner conversation. What all do you do for the Princess?” Celly asked. Thankful for the distraction from that childish act, I took the chance and ran with it.
“I’m mostly an advisor, but I do help maintain the staff. Though since you’ve begun your attitude adjustment regimen, I’ve seen that some of the criteria I’ve set for who should be hired or fired is rather flawed.” She snorted at the understatement. “Terribly flawed.” I corrected.
“Anything else? The same schedule repeated every so often is bound to get boring.” she asked. I nodded. 
“On occasion, I get together with the other city nobles to talk about business. I enjoy working with the local airship producers on new designs, or innovative parts to add, whenever I find the time.” I said with a smile. I always enjoyed that the best. Celly, upon hearing this, had a dumbfounded expression on her face. 
“A-are you… are you any good there?” she asked, sounding unsure if she wanted to hear the answer or not. Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether I should be offended or not, because most ponies never hear anything of me taking part in any job. Especially not one which would involve as much grease and grim as airship design.
“Of course. They tell me I’m a prodigy when it comes to designs, though now that I think on it, it could be just flattery to convince me to keep investing in their business.” I admit with a bit of disappointment. 
“Oh, I see. Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case… Would you mind if I looked at some of your designs later? I’ll try and see if they’re good or not. If there’s a concept I’m not familiar with, of course, I can ask the scientists back home to help me learn it, or find a book in the archives.” she asked.
“I’d be delighted! Not many ponies would take an interest in that technical jargon. I’m actually quite surprised that you, even through your bubbly attitude, are interested.” I replied. She giggled lightly. 
“Well, surprising people is what I do best. It’s always fun to watch someone trying to figure out what just happened, or what they just heard. In a way, I can sort of understand Discord’s Madness. He just takes it way to bucking far.”
“I do believe that’s the kind of thing I watched you do when I mentioned the airship business.” I pointed out. She giggled again.
“Yes, it kind of was. But you’d have seen the full extent if you told me you ran the sex industry.” she replied in amusement. I blushed at that. Of course it didn’t help matters that she said Nom again, slightly louder than before. It drew some attention from the other nobles. Said attention was a disgusted glance, before pointedly looking away with their noses in the air.
“This tastes really fucking good.” Celly said, rather loudly. Several nobles gasped in shock at her for saying that word, but I just buried my face in the table. I groaned when I realized my horn got stuck in the table. I will probably be forced to pay for a new one, though it won’t cost too terribly much.
“Blueblood, perhaps you should control your admirers better, as a proper noble should.” I hear a voice whisper to me, though it wasn’t Celly’s. I groaned, wanting to pound my head into the table again, but instead I settled on letting myself fall limp. 
Why must the worst always befall me?