> Gathering Dust
>  by PapaLeto
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: The Flim Flam Fallacy (Plus Prologue: Luna's Deep Pockets)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frankly, I don’t know a lot about how finances work. I should learn, I know, I know, but I just can’t bring myself to care that much. It’s all numbers, and boring, and there’s rules, and other rules that invalidate those rules, and it’s all just a big pile of rotten apples to me.

Which makes the fact that my entire career was based on a big financially-gutsy move all the more baffling in my case.
I guess I should have started with my name. I’m Dusty. Dusty Quill. Perhaps you’ve heard of me? Probably not, I’m not that big in the writing world. YET! See, I’m heading that way, and fast. And it’s all thanks to Princess Luna deciding to make a big gamble with her personal treasury.

Now I’m sure you’ve heard of Manehatten University. Everypony has. It’s one of the most prestigious schools in all of Equestria. I attended their College of Linguistics, where I got my master’s degree in Writing. And that’s all well and good, but as I’m sure some of you are tragically aware, having a degree is not the same as having ‘made it.’ It’s very possible (and for a writer like me, very probable) that you can still end up jobless and without income even with your fancy-shmancy degree.

Thankfully, Princess Luna is also aware of this. And that’s how the Luna’s Young Writers program came into being.

It works like this: Luna has a lot of money, and the average post-grad does not. The average writer at first doesn’t have much of a following, and if ponies aren’t buying their books, there’s no income. The only way to get ponies to buy is to spread the word, all across the land and make ponies see that your work should be noted. But travelling costs big-time bits. Bits that our loving lunar princess has plenty of. So through her program, those excess bits are placed in the accounts of extremely lucky ponies like me. In short, everything from food costs to hotel fees are covered by the Lunar Treasury. There is in theory no maximum limit to the amount you can withdraw.

But there’s a catch. See, obviously the Lunar Treasury can’t just give away free bits. So during your travels, a hefty portion of the profits from every book and scroll you sell (75%, if you wanted to know) is given back to the Treasury. The idea is that over time, as one gets more and more well known, the bits come pouring in, the debts incurred over time to the Treasury get repaid, and once you and the Treasury are square, the percentage that the Treasury receives plummets to a measly 5%. In other words, it’s a very long-term loan with a donation clause.

Now like I said, I don’t know much about finances. But I know enough to know that is a pretty significant risk that Princess Luna is taking in her efforts to “usher in a new literary renaissance in Equestria.” I mean, there’s no guarantee ponies will ever like your work enough to buy it. It’s possible to dig yourself into a financial hole of no escape. Granted, only six ponies were admitted to the program, so it’s not like the program could literally drain the entire Treasury. But still, the princess stuck her neck out pretty far for me. So that’s why every book and scroll I ever write is dedicated like so:

For the Splendor of Every Star in the Night Sky.

Sure, it sounds a bit corny, but that’s the kind of stallion I am.

Anyway, you may be asking yourself why I’m opening my story of adventure, action, hilarity, and romance with a very lengthy sequence about the convoluted system that pays for said adventuring. The answer to that question you may or may not be asking is that I want you to know well in advance that everything that happened to me was in fact paid for by the Princess of the Night. So by extension, all the crazy stuff that went down was in fact only possible because Luna wished to see more writing in the world.

And I think that’s beautiful.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: The Flim Flam Fallacy

As I strode out of the doors of the Canterlot Royal Courtyard, I could practically feel my excitement take physical form and seek to leap out of my very chest. I was a writer. A legally licensed and royally funded writer. I was taking my first steps into a world that was by all accounts my oyster. Everything was a potential fountain of writing inspiration. Every stallion and mare on the street, every tree and flower in every garden, every cloud in the sky could be hiding something profound.

It was almost too much to take.

A brisk breeze blew past, causing my black and blue striped scarf to sway in the wind slightly. I used my magic to toss it once more around my neck to make sure it was secure, then trotted off in the direction of Canterlot Station. After all, this was my chance to see the world in its entirety! All of Equestria was my eventual destination.

Plus, I had to meet my mom there. She was going to be on her train back to Minneighapolis soon. I paused on the way there to pick up a small, steel pocket watch that upon inspection had a cracked face and hands that didn’t move. I tucked it into my navy pinstripe vest’s pocket anyway and got back on track.

Almost as soon as I entered the station, my mom was already standing next to me.

“Oooh, my little colt is all grown up,” she gushed as she tried to use her magic to fix my slightly untidy mane, the hue of which matched my vest and eyes. “You really must comb your mane every morning if you’re going to keep it this long, honestly. I can’t believe you saw the princess with a mane in that shape.”

I didn’t try to stop her from fixing the mane, but I did just barely keep from rolling my eyes. “Mom, it’s fine. Nopony had any issues with it, far as I could tell.”

“Well of course they wouldn’t say anything, would they?” she started to argue back, but then sighed a bit and stopped fussing over my mane. “I’m just so proud, sweetie. You know how happy your father and I are that you have this opportunity. My son, a world-class caliber writer recognized by Princess Luna herself! We always knew you’d go far, but even we didn't see this coming.” I could see the signs. She didn’t look like it, but I could tell the waterworks were dangerously close.

I gave her a quick, but tight, hug as the conductor started calling for everypony to get on the train. “Mom, you know I owe you and Dad everything. I’ll make you proud,” I told her as the tears started forming in her eyes.

“You already have, Dusty. We love you so much,” she said, slowly backing into the train.

I smiled as the train pulled away slowly. Almost as soon as it started moving, Mom’s head poked out an open window and she called out, “If we don’t hear from you at least once a month I am going to start following you around!” I laughed outwardly, but on the inside I knew just how serious she was. “Oh! I almost forgot! This is from your father!” she called as she floated a letter in an envelope over to me. By now she was far enough that even though she said something else, I didn’t hear it. I shrugged, tucked the letter into my pocket with the watch, and went to get a ticket for the next train out of Canterlot.

However, destiny was already throwing a wrench in my plans.

“What do you mean there aren’t any more trains today?” I asked incredulously. “It’s five in the afternoon!”

“I’m sorry,” said the probably not-that-sorry ticket salespony, “but with the annual railroad maintenance checkups starting at 5:15 sharp, that was the last train out of town for today.” I grunted my disapproval and trotted off, deciding that wandering around a bit couldn’t hurt.

As I came onto the nearest major street, Acorn Avenue, I couldn’t help but hear a faint musical hum, growing ever nearer. It sounded like a mix between an ice cream carriage and a Trotway musical number. I turned my head up the north side of the street to see what the source of this music was.

I was taken aback by what I saw. A massive, monstrous machine of wood and iron rolled its way down the street, disrupting traffic and making quite a ruckus. All over the machine were various buttons, levers, whistles, gears, and more. It seemed like a doomsday machine coupled with a cheerful sunshiny tune. The ponies in its way were quickly clearing to make a path, and as the machine passed I saw that there were two stallions standing on top of the contraption. They were yellowish in color, almost comically tall and lanky, and apart from the carny mustache on one of them they were identical.

“Tonight, tonight, tonight!” the pair declared simultaneously, “This very night we, the Flim Flam Brothers, will be unveiling to you the very height of smoothie making technology! Don’t miss it! At 6pm sharp, on the corner of Bubble Lane and Orange Avenue, we will be putting on a display that will change the way you make fruit smoothies forever! Don’t miss this chance to change your lives foreverrrrrr~!” they sang the final word in an admittedly well-tuned harmony as they rolled out of sight.

I was immediately hooked. I don’t know whether it was those lights, the levers, hay, maybe even the chord they sang as they barreled away down the street. But whatever it was, I knew I had to check it out. My writing career had to start somewhere, and I figured there were few better places to start than with travelling, singing smoothie salesponies.

I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that they were probably shams, but that didn’t deter me from trying to meet them.

At 6pm, true to their word, the Flim Flam Brothers had their machine set up on the corner of Bubble and Orange. A fairly decent crowd had gathered, among them many of the city’s upper crust, decked out in jackets and dresses of the highest quality. The two stallions looked at the crowd like they were a long-awaited oasis in an otherwise bone-dry desert.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, stallions and mares, welcome welcome!” cried the stache-less brother, Flim. Flam meanwhile was already leaping from the machine and approaching the crowd.

He spoke next, declaring, “Prepare to be amazed! For this is the patented, one and only Groovy Smoothie Ultra Swoozie 60,000!” He gestured to the machine behind him. “This one of a kind machine can turn any fruit in Equestria into a delicious smooth treat!”
Somepony (it may or may not have been me) called out, “What’s Swoozie mean?”

Flim leapt from the machine to join his brother. “I’m glad you asked, my friend! Swoozie is a word of our creation, the only word that can truly describe the wonder of the delicious fruity treats our lovely machine creates!”

Flam took over, turning to the Groovy Smoothie machine and magicking a few levers and buttons, causing the machine to whir to life. “Flim, quickly, the fruit!” Flim used his magic to pull fruits including apples, oranges, and grapes from a nearby bin and dumped them into a large receptacle.

The machine growled, churned, pumped, gargled, snapped, crackled, popped, and finally with a ding! the machine stopped moving. Out of a container on the side of the machine poured a vaguely greenish-purple thick liquid into a large pitcher.

“Now who would like to be the first to try this delectable smoothie?” the brothers asked together.

I shot my hoof into the air. “Me! Me! ME!” I cried.

“We have a volunteer!” Flim cheered as I wove through the crowd. For the most part, the sickly color of the smoothie seemed to have turned the audience’s more refined members a bit more hostile to the machine. Some of the other members of the crowd also looked a bit apprehensive.

I got to the brothers after a moment, at which point Flam held aloft with his magic a small cup of the smoothie the machine had produced. I took it with my own magic and gulped it down.

Honestly, it wasn’t that special. It just tasted like thick liquid apples, oranges, and grapes. It tasted alright, but I wasn’t exactly dumbstruck by the smoothie.

That wasn’t going to change my plans to mess with the rich ponies a bit.

“How’s it taste, my good gentlecolt?” Flim asked, both he and Flam leaning in closely.

I put on the goofiest grin I could manage. “It’s... It’s… SWOOZIE~!” I exclaimed, leaping into the air for good measure. The crowd cheered and the brothers bumped hooves behind me. Soon it seemed that hundreds of ponies had lined up to get some of the Swoozie Smoothie. I meanwhile stood off to the side, chuckling quietly as the refined ponies remarked how “positively swoozie” it was. The brothers raked in bits upon bits, and all it had taken was me playing along.

Some time later, the crowds had dissipated and the show was over. Once the coast was clear, Flim and Flam both darted over to me. “So you really liked it, huh?” Flim asked.

I shrugged. “It was pretty alright, but I’m pretty sure your Groovy Smoothie Ultra Swoozie 60,000 is just a fancy blender.”
The brothers laughed in synch. “Right you are,” Flam said, “but that’s part of the appeal. The appearance of the extraordinary, no?”

“Anyway,” Flim followed up, “we have to thank you. That first impression is what really counts, and our normal actor quit on us just yesterday. You were an excellent showpony.” He and Flam inclined their heads slightly.

“Bah, no worries. You got money, the rich ponies got some crushed fruit, and everypony came out of this happy. That’s all that worried me,” I said with a smirk.

“I suppose we owe you a share of the profits before we skip town, eh?” Flim said, fishing around the hefty coin sack for some bits. I took a good look at the machine.

“You said you’re leaving town, eh? Then perhaps you could skip the payment and just take me with you?” I asked. “I don’t care where you’re going, I just kinda want to get out of town.”

The brothers grinned. “I think you’ve got yourself a deal, Mister, ah..” Flam began.

“Quill. Dusty Quill,” I finished for him.

“Right! Well, shall we be off then?” Flim asked, already hopping on the GSUS60K and firing up its motor.

I pushed my glasses up my snout into place and hopped on as well. “Ready when you are!” I declared.

And that’s how I left Canterlot on a railroad maintenance day.

> Chapter 2: The Mountain Mare
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: The Mountain Mare

I suppose when one travels with a caravan as unusual as the “travelling saleponies nonpareil” there should be no surprise when you attract a lot of attention. Often, from characters as odd as the ones with whom you travel. We traveled generally south from Canterlot, but without the train to take us, the only way to leave the mountaintop city was to brave the mountainous pass with the rest of the denizens that couldn’t travel by train. Along the way, we met dozens of ponies from all walks of life. We met farmers with wagon loads too big to transport on the rails, emigrating families with all their worldly possessions in tow, and a fair amount of ponies that were either too poor to afford a ticket or were in fact banned from the train system.

One such pony was our guest at dinner that night as we stopped somewhere deep in the mountains. She wore a dark cloak that covered her head and body completely; the only thing that was visible was a silver tail that protruded from the back of the cloak. She hadn’t asked to stay for dinner; I had offered. It got dark quickly in the mountains, and she appeared all alone and without a meal, which broke this poor stallion’s heart.

That, and a pony in that mysterious of a cloak has to be hiding something beneath. Like, I don’t know, potential inspiration! So I sat her down, somewhat to the twins’ chagrin, and we all partook of some swoozie smoothies together.

“So where are we heading, anyway?” I asked the pair of lanky brothers.

“Why my young stallion, we are going to the land that has been called the bane of all hard earned bits!” Flim exclaimed.

Flam intercepted and continued, “The land where the cider flows and the cuisine simply delights the senses!”

“The land of opportunity for all, where everypony has a chance to trot away with more than they came in with!”

“But a land of hardship for many, where a misplaced show of faith can cost a pony everything!”

“A land where-”

I interrupted, “We’re going to Las Pegasus, aren't we?”

The brothers looked a bit irked that I had interrupted their shpeal. They looked like they were about to break out into song, but now they just stood there with deadpan looks on their faces. “Yes. We’re going to Las Pegasus,” Flim said levelly.

For the first time, our dinnertime companion broke her almost complete silence. “Las Pegasus?” she asked incredulously with a voice that was perhaps a bit harsh but also came across (to me at least) as just a tic seductive. “Is that where you think you are going?”

Flim and Flam gaped at her. “Why yes, that’s why we are on the path that was labelled ‘Las Pegasus’,” Flam said, raising a brow.

She said, “No, that path broke from the main road miles behind us. Las Pegasus is far west of here. We are still on the road south.”

Flim elbowed Flam a bit, saying under his breath, “I told you we had made a wrong turn! You were too busy flirting with that mare with the flowers to pay attention.”

Flam elbowed him right back, hissing, “You were gawking too, brother mine. In fact, I think you were driving at the time!”

While the pair of them continued their squabbling, I turned to the mare. “So where does this road lead then?” I asked.

“Well, if you keep on the road long enough, it’ll lead you to Baltimare and then Appleoosa. But I plan on turning off before that, as soon as this path leaves the mountains,” she responded.

“Turning off? Where are you heading, mystery mare?” I asked with a grin.

She sighed, pawing at the ground a bit. “I’m…going to Ponyville,” she said slowly.

“Well, you sure as sugar don’t seem too happy about it,” I said with a questioning look. “Did something happen?”

“That is precisely none of your business, thank you very much,” she said with a huff, turning away.

I laughed anyway. “Whoa there, ice queen. Just making some friendly conversation. No need to snap,” I said, raising a hoof disarmingly.

“There is a need to snap when you butt into my business!” she growled at me. “And did you just call me ‘ice queen’?”

I grinned evilly. “I call it like I see it, I’m afraid.” I know, I know. I’m being needlessly cruel here. I should have apologized and not perpetuated the problem. Thing is, I occasionally get my jollies my riling ponies up just a bit. All in good fun, mind you. It’s no fun if they really stay upset. But something like this? Fair game.

“Well you’re about to be seeing stars,” she barked. I chuckled, totally asking for it. That did it. She whipped off her cloak and started to cast a spell before I could even get a good look at her.

Oh, and as for why I didn’t get a good look at her, well… SHE LIT OFF A MAGIC FIRECRACKER IN MY FACE. One second everything was fine, the next, my entire field of vision was bright white and, true to her word, stars. Also my ears were ringing for a good few seconds afterward. I promptly fell over backwards in a vain attempt to avoid the offending explosion.

As I feared, once my hearing faded back, the first thing I heard was this mare’s triumphant guffaw. While my eyes were still absolutely useless, I was aware enough to catch her cheering, “Now you see what folly it is to laugh in the face of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” She then resumed her laughing.

A moment and dozens of frantic blinks later, my eyes were functioning again. I got a good look at my assailant and I was baffled.

How could somepony so ruthless be so pretty? That gorgeous blue fur, that confident grin, and her silvery flowing mane...

Flim and Flam’s arguing had been effectively halted by the explosion as well. They both stared at the Great and Powerful Trixie in baffled incredulity.

Rubbing my eyes, I caught sight of her cutie mark and asked, “So what, you’re a magician or something?”

She puffed out her chest and announced, “I am no mere showpony; I am the most powerful mage in all of Equestria! And the most humble!”

“I think each of those claims is false,” Flam muttered. Trixie turned and shot a bolt of magic at his face, at which he yelped. When it made contact, the bolt flashed, and when it had dissipated, the horrible truth was revealed: she had transferred his mustache to Flim’s face. The pair didn’t notice for a few seconds what had happened, but when they turned to each other to make a questioning face at one another, they caught sight of the switch. Both of them promptly screamed like fillies and collapsed to the ground.

“Give Flam his mustache back!” I demanded of the blue unicorn.

“Not until he admits his mistake!” she demanded in turn. At that moment, I had an idea. My own horn glowed as I pointed it at Trixie’s face and gave her a black mustache of her own.

Let me explain. As you all know, I am a writer. Now being a writer means I have to write things (it gets pretty technical), but really, who wants to carry quills and ink around with them wherever they go? Nopony. So I had an idea during my first years of university. It took weeks of work and careful manipulation of the latent magical energy that fills Equestria, but I finally crafted a spell that I dubbed Writer’s Best Friend. Basically, I manipulate any given material just enough that its color changes in very localized areas. In other words, magical ink that is made of the same material as the thing you’re writing or drawing on. Of course, creating the spell was one thing, but wielding it deftly enough to create letters took months of practice. By the time I left university, however, I had it down to the point that I could create entire words at once with one magical move. If it wasn’t already clear, I am far too proud of this ability.

Anyway, I turned Trixie’s upper lip’s color in such a way that she had a twirly black stache drawn right on. Of course, she couldn’t actually see it, seeing as it was on her own face. But when Flim and Flam resurfaced, they took one look at her and immediately fell over again, this time from chortling.

Immediately her gaze returned to me. “What did you do? I know you did something, what did you do?” she demanded shrilly.

I shrugged innocently. “I have no idea what you mean,” I insisted, grinning evilly. She huffed and conjured up a small mirror, looking at her face in the waning sun’s light. She shrieked at the sight of her new facial feature, exploding the mirror and rounding on me, horn glowing.

“I’d fix my face if I were you,” she warned, her voice low and threatening.

Come on, it was too easy. “I don’t think anypony can put right what nature wrought there, dearie,” I said with the sweetest of smiles. Her horn flashed, and I felt what seemed like a fairly large static discharge hit my flank, earning a yelp from me but otherwise leaving me largely unharmed. “Fine, fine, but only if you give Flam his mustache back.”

The trading of facial hair hostages was stressful. I’m sure you’ve all read that scene in the book or seen it in a play, where each side sends over their prisoner, not sure if they are being double-crossed, but taking a very stressful gamble. That was this situation for us. The stakes were high. Flim wanted to be clean shaven again; Flam wanted his stache back. Trixie wanted to be rid of her new pigment. I wanted to avoid another flank zapping.

The operation was a success. Point goes to Dusty. At first things looked a bit shaky when I blinked during the mustache transfer and forgot which brother was which, so I wasn’t sure for a second if she had actually switched them. I then saw by their cutie marks that she had in fact been true to her word. All was well, and only Flam remained facially haired.

“So what are we going to do?” I asked Flim and Flam. “I mean, do we want to track back in the morning and get back to the road to Las Pegasus, or do we keep pressing on this path and end up more south than west?”

The pair of them scratched their heads simultaneously. After a moment, they gave each other a look that I couldn’t decipher to save my life, and shrugged. “Well,” Flam said a bit hesitantly, “I suppose it makes just as much sense to head in the direction of Appleoosa anyway. For while there isn’t as large a pool of bits from which to skim-”

“We can drink deeply of the Appleoosan pool nonetheless!” Flam finished.

Trixie looked at the pair of them suspiciously, eyebrow raised. “What does that mean?”

“It simply means that when country hayseeds have lived sans such wondrous technology as our lovely Groovy Smoothie Ultra Swoozie 60,000-” began Flam.

“They simply flock to see what wonders it can work for them, bits in hoof!” finished Flim.

Deciding I’d rather not point out that their machine was hardly anything special and they didn’t have to act here, I moved on to the conclusion, saying, “So we stay on this road, then?”

“Yes,” they replied, wearing matching devious grins.

It was only at this time that we realized how dark it had gotten since we stopped. In the mountains the sun is quick to disappear over the horizon and slow to rise in the morning with the mountains blocking it, so even though it wasn’t terribly late, the sky had darkened considerably. In response to this, I lit up the tip of my horn and detached the little ball of light so that it would hang about ten feet in the air and give a dim light to the nearby area.

Trixie hadn’t seemed to notice the darkness until I did something about it, but when she saw the light, she gave a small yawn and said, “Now, if you three will excuse me, I wish to be up early tomorrow to get moving quickly, so I will be heading to bed. And, um..” she struggled for a moment. “Thank you. For the smoothie, I mean. It was...nice of you.” Before I had a chance to say anything, she had stepped beyond the reach of my light and out of sight.

“I do declare, brother mine,” said Flam, “that mare was one troublesome piece of work!”

“Couldn’t agree more, Flam,” said Flim, nodding his head. “What say you, Mr. Quill?” he asked, turning to me.

“Stubborn, fiery-tempered, perhaps. But I would contend she was worth the trouble for her company’s sake, no?” I responded. “I mean, I certainly don’t regret allowing her to stay with us for dinner, do you?” The pair of them shrugged.

“Perhaps she was right about one thing, though,” said Flam. “An early start would be wise. I advise we retire for the evening this very moment.” Flim and I agreed, and we got out our supplies. Flim and Flam had (I suspect custom) sleeping bags that were patterned with their cutie marks, the apple wedge and the remainder of that same apple, in checkers all across the fabric. I had simply brought several blankets, all brown in color, to essentially wrap myself in. I rolled up one of them into a makeshift pillow and laid one on the ground, leaving me two with which to cover myself against the cold.

Oh, I guess I should mention in case it wasn’t inferred. You know how I said that the mountain path tends not to have as much time in the sun as the rest of the land? Well, as a direct result of that, less heat gets delivered to the area, so it’s always quite chilly once night sets in. Fortunately, my grandmother’s knitting cutie mark was not misplaced when it found its way to her flank, so I was comfortable and warm under the blankets’ protection. After a few minutes, I heard Flim and Flam (I kid you not) snoring in unison, so I too decided to call it a night after writing a short summary of what had happened that day in my personal journal.

In placing the jet black tome back in the bag, I nudged the vest I usually wear enough that my father’s letter fell out onto the ground.

“I forgot about this!” I exclaim-whispered. I lit up the tiniest light I could manage and opened the note up, immediately recognizing my father’s untidy scrawl.

Dearest Daringest Dubious Dusty, he opened, because he is a smart-flank sometimes.

I am sure your mother did not let you forget for even a second how proud we are of you. You have accomplished so much in your years, and I can tell that the best is certainly yet to come for you. You have brought such pride to the Quill name, even I cannot put it into words (and you know how much I adore language).

You will be living on your own, which means that (no matter how much your mother may dislike it) we cannot be there to watch you. While that means you are free, and I’m sure you’re both acutely aware of and feeling very ready for that freedom, I hope I don’t have to tell you that freedom isn’t always free. You will have to make choices and take responsibility for every choice you make. We may not be there to coddle and smother you, but it also means that we cannot be there to pick you up every time something goes awry. The world is scarier than you know, but I am sure you can handle it and prosper in it.

While your mother has been scared of this day for over two decades now, I feel no shame in telling you I could not be more excited for this day, as much as it breaks this old stallion’s heart to see you go. I am so excited to see what choices you make, where your road leads you, and what you learn and see and hear and do along the way. I know that you are ready for the story of your life to take off and soar, but just remember that you are always welcome back in the nest you leave behind you.

Write early, write often!

With love and respect beyond measure,

Professor Copper Quill

I laid the letter back in its envelope and placed it back in my bag carefully, not wanting to bend it. I rested easy that night, getting to sleep in only a couple moments. I dreamed of roads and scrolls and the color silver.

> Chapter 3: The Mountain Mare, Part 2: Wishes, Dreams, and a Fork in the Road
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Three: The Mountain Mare, Part 2: Wishes, Dreams, and a Fork in the Road

I don't actually remember waking up, but I remember being awake at some point in the middle of the night. I looked up and saw that the moon had risen past its apex and was just starting to wane toward the west. I blinked a bit, then realized that the reason for everything being a bit blurry was my glasses being stowed in my bag. This whole travelling thing was a bit new to me.

I put the simple black frames to my face and got a better look around. Flim and Flam were curled in their bags, separated by perhaps an inch or two of rocky soil. They didn't appear to have moved at all, until I realized with a start that they had in fact switched places at some point; earlier Flim had been on the left and Flam on the right, but now Flam was on the left and Flim on the right. I scratched my head, not daring to question the nighttime habits of the strange pair.

When I wake up in the night like that, I can take several hours before I can get back to sleep sometimes, so I knew that this would likely be no different. Deciding to accept my new fate rather than fight it, I extracted myself from the cocoon, stretched a bit, and stood up, breathing deeply of the clean, sharp mountain air.

A brisk breeze rolled through, bristling my fur and earning a shiver from me. I went over to my bed (read: pile of blankets) and lifted one up to wrap around myself as I went for a small walk. It was at this time that I started a bit, puzzled. I counted and recounted, and sure enough, I was down one blanket from when I went to sleep.

“Oh spare me, that’s not cool,” I muttered to myself. But now I was on a mission: find the missing blanket. Considering the breeze, it was not impossible that it simply was carried off by the wind. I therefore started my search by proceeding down the path in the direction the wind was blowing.

After trotting for about a minute, I started to lose hope. “The wind could have carried it all the way down the mountain by now,” I muttered. I then shook my head a bit. “Come on, you haven’t even really tried yet. Can’t lose heart now.” I gathered up whatever resolve was left in my tired self and pressed on.

Fortunately, my efforts were rewarded only a couple minutes later; I found the blanket. And underneath the blanket was a suspiciously pony-shaped lump. I prodded the lump, but got no response. I lifted the blanket with a bit of magic and found our new blue friend from dinner, curled up into a ball. When the blanket was pulled off, she shivered and curled just a bit tighter, clearly not well-adjusted to the mountain air. She also half-mumbled something, no doubt containing the words 'great' and/or 'powerful', but I daren't guess.

There was no way I was going to let her stay like that.

"Sheesh," I muttered, wrapping the blanket snugly back around her. She breathed deeply as the warmth helped her settle back in to comfortable sleeping. I couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight; I guess I felt like I was helping her out. However, I decided that I wanted to give her just the slightest of a hard time, so I magicked the ground in front of her face so that it read: You could have just asked, you know.

Satisfied and chuckling to myself slightly, I returned to the Flim Flam Brothers and curled back into my own blankets. I found it surprisingly easy to fall asleep after that. I don't remember dreaming much, but if I did they would have been pleasant.

When morning eventually arrived, I awoke to find that the twins were already up and about, packing up their goods and making ready to get moving. We spoke little as we packed, and I didn't mention Trixie's theivery and my subsequent charity either. After about fifteen minutes we were on the road down the mountain, passing a good number of sleeping ponies who weren't yet ready to start the day.

Eventually we passed the spot where I had seen Trixie, but she was nowhere to be seen. The note had been erased, and I saw little clods of slightly-darker dirt strewn about, suggesting she had kicked the note out of the dust. I wondered if she had done so out of anger, and thought of reminding her that I could have put the note on her flank.

Before too much longer, the twins were arguing again, this time about whether or not the mustache was actually attractive in the first place.

"Look here," Flam proclaimed, magically twirling on end of his stache, "it simply screams class, sophistication, business! Can't go wrong with a well-tended stache!"

"A clean shaven stallion is surely more alluring to the ladies, however," Flim retorted.

"Funny you should say that, brother mine; I haven't seen any mares in your company of late!" Flam responded.

"Nor I in yours!" Flim yelped, pulling one end of his brother's mustache and making him similarly yelp.

I decided to step in before things got out of hoof. "Look here ya crop of goons!" I said, stepping between them. "Whether you look better or worse with a mustache, I maintain that it's very necessary anyway. Tell you two apart, yeah? So stop arguing about it when it serves a very practical purpose!" The pair of them went muttering off to opposite sides of the GSUS60K and sulked for a while.

While they were sulking, I saw an oncoming fork in the road. The signs read Baltimare and Appleoosa in one direction and Ponyville in the other. I stroked my chin for a moment, thinking.

On one hoof, these two have already said they want to go to Appleoosa to scam some bits out of some country folks. Since they're my drivers, I guess it's my duty to go along with their plan. But on the other hoof, their plan is conniving at best, positively malicious at worst. Is it not perhaps my duty to Equestria in general to protect the Appleoosans from this dastardly pair? By that logic, I guess I should do everything in my power to keep them out of Appleoosa. But then they'll just do the same thing elsewhere, I would wager. So I have to be careful no matter where I take them. That's even assuming I can turn the GSUS60K without their noticing. But they're sulking so expertly, it may just work. If I even want to stop their plan at all, that is, which is kind of rude considering they're bringing me along. If they find out I turned us off course, they might kick me off!

I then recalled what Trixie said about going to Ponyville.

Well, that settles it. I can get my blanket back at least.

I began the turn early, turning us out so the turn itself would feel slight and wide as opposed to a sharp, noticable turn. The brothers appeared not to notice the slight listing of the machine as we slowly turned right onto the path toward Ponyville. I cheered silently to myself as we completed the turn and got to driving straight again.

Several minutes later, Flim emerged from his pouting corner, followed a short while later by Flam. Without even having to say anything to each other, they mystically were right as rain again, chuckling and laughing it up. Neither seemed to realize the sun was slowly creeping down in the same direction as our travel.

We kept this up for about an hour, but then something I hadn't accounted for happened. As we passed a lot of carriages and pedestrians on the road, we eventually did catch up to Trixie since we were on an automated transport, about twice as fast as most of the ponies who were hoofing it. When I saw her cloaked form on the horizon, at first I was inexplicably excited. Then my heart skipped a beat for a whole different reason: if Flim and Flam saw her, they would realize we had taken the wrong path and the whole plan would be compromised.

She was quickly drawing nearer and nearer, and to my horror, as we approached she heard the sound of the GSUS60K and was turning to look at us. I could see the recognition in her eyes from were I stood. I had to act fast.

"Uhhh, uhh, hey guys! I think I heard a, um, pinging noise down in the steering mechanism somewhere. Maybe you should check it out?" I asked a bit too loudly. The pair looked at me, and Flim raised his left brow, Flam his right. They turned to each other and then back to me.

"What kind of pinging?" they asked in unison.

Luna help me. "Uh, it was like a rattling ping. Like something was loose in there somewhere or something. A nut or bolt somewhere?" I explained pitifully. Trixie was now trotting toward us. I had to try very hard not to look right at her.

To my utter disbelief, the pair nodded after a moment and went over to the steering mechanism, pulling off the outer panel and inspecting the inside. In the meantime, I rushed to the front of the machine to try to head off Trixie.

"Get out of sight!" I hissed at her desperately before she had the chance to say anything.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in her regular, very full voice. I held a hoof over my mouth and shushed her as she deftly leapt onto the deck of the GSUS60K.

"Why do you care? Be quiet please!" I pleaded.

She cocked her head slightly. "Why must I be quiet?" she asked in a voice just barely quieter than the previous one.

"Because they'll hear you!" I whispered.

"Why is that bad?" she asked unfuriatingly. To this day I firmly believe she was just messing with me at that point.

"Because they don't know we are going to Ponyville!" I responded exasperatedly.

At that moment, I heard the brothers yell "Aha!" in unison. I didn't realize I had spoken so loudly. I braced for the impact of their wrath, teeth clenched. To my surprise, however, I then heard Flam say, "There's the culprit! Loose screw on this wire clasp must have been making that noise, banging around and whatnot!"

There was actually something loose in there? I thought incredulously.

"See, Dusty? All fixed up!" Flim began saying, and I saw the bottoms of his legs as he started coming around the center console. In a panic, I turned and bucked Trixie off the GSUS60K, sending her flying with a yelp off the side of the rolling machine. I know, I know. Why in Equestria would any gentlecolt dare eject a mare so forcefully from a moving vehicle? I have no answer for you, I'm afraid. In the heat of the moment, anything can happen.

"O-oh, is that so? Awesome, it was driving me nuts!" I responded, trotting forward to meet him. As he and Flam got back to their usual sitting space, leaving me to steering for a while longer, I turned and looked behind me. Sure enough, there was Trixie, glaring at me, her mane disheveled and messy. I mouthed an I'm sorry to her, to which she gritted her teeth. Not daring to communicate any further as of yet, I turned and faced forward, barely capable of even blinking for how nervous I was.

About ten minutes later, I had calmed down a considerable amount, confident that Trixie was well behind us. The twins and I set to joking around, having a much more jovial time. I was confident that I had escaped judgment after all. I was mistaken.

After a bit, Flim stopped in the middle of a joke he was telling when he saw something off the side of the road. I realized with horror that since I hadn't been facing forward, I wasn't able to spot any oncoming dangers. I watched with silent horror as the sign that proclaimed Ponyville: 5 miles passed us by. Flim and Flam watched the sign for a few seconds, then slowly reached out with their magic and pulled on the brakes, slowing us gently to a stop.

They were silent for a few moments, which caused me to tense up considerably. Looking back on it, I don't know why I was so nervous. I wasn't in any real danger; ponies were all along the roads, so they couldn't do anything really bad. I guess I was just caught up in the moment is all.

"Dusty..." Flim said slowly. "Did you..."

"Set us on the wrong path?" Flam finished. I nodded.

"How long have we been on the wrong path?" Flim asked.

I shrugged my shuddering shoulders. "I guess two hours by now?"

Flam facehoofed in painful slow motion. "Why did you set us back four hours from our destination?"

"B-because...uh...Trixie stole a blanket of mine! I wanted it back! So since she said she was going to Ponyville, I decided to pursue her!" I offered weakly.

"Mm-hmm," Flim said, emphasizing each syllable with a half-whinny.

"Brother mine, I think we may need to reconsider the status of our companion here," Flam said, magically twirling his mustache.

"I think you're quite right, Flam," Flim said, eyes narrowed. "I think an ejection is in order. What say you?"

"I say that's a grand idea, Flim," Flam responded, narrowing his eyes as well.

I gulped. "Uh, an ejection?" I asked. Suddenly, I felt magic wrap around me as my body left the deck and went flying through the air. I waved my hooves in panic for a while as I cascaded over the crowd of pedestrians before hitting the dirt with a resounding thud. A few seconds later, I saw my saddlebag go flying off the GSUS60K as well, papers and scrolls flying everywhere.

It took me a good few minutes to get all my belongings together. Ponies would occasionally carelessly trot on a scroll here or there, which slowed everything down. Once it was all in order, I put the bag back on my back and sighed.

Just when I thought I had peace, I felt a hooftap on my shoulder. Turning slowly, not wanting to believe it, I watched as Trixie's eyes locked with my own.

She didn't look too happy.