by Blue Valentine

First published

James just really wants a hamburger.

James, known as Carla, has a best friend named Laelia. But what happens when James wants a hamburger? Will the world be destroyed? Could lives be changed forever? Could babies not be born? Could James's best friend steal her real, and forever cool name? Find out when you read... eVIL gRAPES!!!

Chapter 1: The Only Chapter in the Story

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Once upon a time there was a pony named Carla. Her real name was James, but everyone called her Carla. Her best friend, Laelia, was a daredevil because every Sunday she went to jump off cliffs and do skydiving. Then one day there was a terrible fight between the two friends. Laelia was a bit jealous of Carla’s real name, James. So one day, she broke into the bank and stole the birth certificate and changed the name from James to Carla for real.

Then Carla was suddenly wanting to buy a hamburger the next day, so Carla went to the bank. But then she saw something crazy; Laelia was also at the bank!!!! Carla walked up to Laelia, and screamed, “Why are you not buying a hamburger?!?!” Then Carla saw that Laelia was writing on her birth certificate!!!” Laelia then said, “MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW I AM JAMES!!!!!!!” Then Carla jumped on Laelia (otherwise known as James) and said, “Give me back my name!!!!” But Laelia had turned evil and she was hitting Carla with money!!! Carla then took her chance and stole the money to buy a hamburger. A banker named Joe then said, “Sorry we only sell potatoes.” Carla was so overwhelmed that she died.

At that moment, Laelia put her hooves on Carla’s dead body and threw it out the window (the bank was on the 100th floor). Laelia grabbed the broomstick from the janitor, and rode all the way to Canterlot. Then a meteor fell on her and she died. Or did she…
To be continued…

By Carly S.
(Proofread by Layla :D)

Chapter 2: Dried Raisins

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Laelia the pegasus had just gotten hit by the meteor in Canterlot. She died. But she didn't! After the meteor hit her, she UN-died because she is so awesome. But she was still evil. She bought a hamburger and a broomstick and rode back to Manehattan. The Janitor also bought a hamburger. He went outside to see Carla. He put a hamburger into her mouth and she MAGICALLY UN-died! She ate the rest of the hamburger and went home. When she got to her house, she found Laelia in her room.

"What are you doing here Laelia??"
"MWAHAHAHA Im stealing!"

Laelia was stealing everything in her room that said "James." Laelia took the stuff and put it in a moneybag. Then Laelia jumped out the window. But after she jumped out the window was when she realized it was a 50 floor building. She hit the ground and died. She forgot she had wings before she hit the ground. Carla went down the elevator and found Laelia in a bush, along with a G1 Rainbow Dash toy. She took the money bag and made it so that you couldn't see Laelia in the bush.

Later Carla went to the bank to change her name back but the birth-certificate-mare-lady didn't let her because she didn't have any potatoes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" shouted Carla and then she died from being overwhelmed.

The mare who worked at the bank got the janitor to throw her out the window. But unluckily, the janitor was too busy doing business, so he/she couldn't come. So she decided to throw a rug over the body because she didn't want her boss to fire her for collecting dead ponies. When the two mares woke up from the dead, they didn't remember anything except for the fact that they loved hamburgers, money bags, and the name James. They decided to become friends again but as they got up from the bush, they saw a tiny, plastic, G1 Rainbow Dash head roll across the land.

"Where's the rest of the body?" said Carla, and then turned around to see Laelia chewing on it. Then a pink, sparkly fish fell from the sky with a note that said, "I am a magical fish. I will grant you three wishes."

Laelia got scared that she would have to share the fish, so she took the fish and used it to slap Carla in the face. Then Carla started to cry and then said,

"I wish I wasn't crying!"

And she stopped crying.


Carla felt so bad that she died. Laelia took that as an opportunity to run away and make her own colony of breezies. So she went to the magical breezies cave and used her super-strength to pick it up and shake it around. She spoke into the little hole and said,


And then...
To Be Continued...

By Layla D. and Carly S.

Chapter 2: pRUNE jUICE

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There once was a mare named Laelia destined to rule breezies. Her best friend was killed by overwhelming-ness which happened cause of potatoes. Hey, it was a magical fish which made it happen! Tun tun tuuun! Laelia goes to the breezies cave and meets the leader of the breezies. He really requires that she goes away. But Carla is a weird pony and she makes Laelia unemployed. Laelia's necklace was then eaten by a breezie! Laelia broke her back from carrying the giant cave, and now Carla went missing! Laelia could be in mortal danger.

The janitor then comes along and takes the broom from Laelia and hides it in his room made out of piggy banks. Suddenly, out of anger, the janitor blew up Laelia and she became fat like a balloon and floated off to space, leaving the breezies safe and sound. Then the breezies flew out of their cave and screamed to Laelia, "Now we're taking charge!". But then the breezies turned into wolves and rats. Out of the corner of the eye of one breezie, Carla is hiding behind a bush, and the breezie screams because she thinks Carla is a monster dog. So the magical breezies use time travel to escape Carla. Then. Carla screams at the breezies just as they leave, "I am your godfather!". It was confusing.

Laelia, floating away, gets caught in a hot air balloon race with Cherry Berry. Cherry Berry painted her balloon with dragons and mermaids. Laelia thought they were real, so she died. But she's back! Carla was getting so very scared for Laelia, but she was still angry at her for stealing the name James. When Laelia came back down, Carla used some James Tape to shut her mouth. Then Laelia boarded a truck which took her somewhere far away. But the truck driver was stupid so Laelia came right back. Carla screamed in James Rage. Laelia breaks out of her James Tape box and dies for no particular reason. Then Carla says, "Finally James!!!!!!" But she said it too loud, so she just died!!!!!!! Then Carla and Laelia both took their last breaths, and died thinking of James, and each other.

To Be Continued...
By Carly S.
(Proofread by Layla :D)

Chapter 3/4: tHE lAST gRAPEVINE

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The two mares were dead for a while. Later, a new burger master appeared in the universe. The two mares smelled the heavenly smell, and were alive. They woke up in Las Pegasus.

"Where are we, Carla?"
"I think we're in heaven..."
"Laelia, don't say that, Adventure Time could sue you!!!"
"Oh yes."

Laelia looked at the burger place.

"Are you thinking what i'm thinking...?"

They looked at each other.

"Ew, I hate mustard."
"WHAT, I love mustard."
"I don't think we can be friends anymore."
"But first, lemme take a hambagah-selfie!"

*Music starts playing*
Laelia holds up a hamburger and takes a selfie with her phone. Carla holds up a hamburger and takes a selfie with Laelia and her hamburger.

"Umm, I don't like you Carla."

Laelia took a pink hamburger and slapped Carla with it.

"No... I thought we were friends, Laelia..."
"Carla... I'm sorry."
"I cannot forgive you... I too apologize but..."
"But what, Carla, but what?"
"...........I. Must. Be. JAMES!!"

Carla took the remains of the pink hamburger and sprinkled it on top of Laelia and Laelia fainted.

"Wh-where am I?" Said Laelia.
"Heheheheh. You are in Las Pegasus jail."
"Yeah! You're in trouble for stealing my name! Ask my lawyer!"
"Your lawyer?"
"Yeah. Her name is Rainbow Da-"
"Yeah, I was kidding. Its Pinkie Pie."

Then Pinkie walked in.

"HELLO! My name is Pinkie Pie!
I like eating candy and I like baking pie!
I help the world with justice and laughter,
I send ponies like you to jail like a fulaugherfluffle."

Carla was so impressed that she died. At that moment, Laelia broke out of the jail cell.


Laelia ran out the door, but as soon as she got out, a piano fell on her. Then, a cello fell on her.

"Sorry." said Octavia.

But it was too late. Laelia was dead forever.......Until the very next day!

Laelia found her way all the way to the new, improved breezies cave.


From behind the cave, Carla popped up.

"Not this time, Laelia! You are not James worthy!"

Carla took a breezie out of the cave magically. She ate it. It tasted like rainbows. SPICY! But at that moment, Carla turned into a giant breezie! She picked up Laelia.

"This friendship is over. But you will always be in my-"

Carla put Laelia into her mouth. Ew.

And James lived on (which means Carla is James, not Laelia, okay, OKAY!?)

Later, a pony named Emma came up to Carla the breezie. She suddenly said the first thing that came to mind,

"Did you know girls live longer than boys?"

No, Carla did not.


By Layla D.
(edited by Carly S.)