Fallout: Equestria - Dirty Deeds

by Ksfn

First published 23rd of August, 2014

A simple unicorn mares life is flipped upside down when she's kidnapped by three of the craziest bounty hunters to ever roam the wasteland.

Three highly capable but down on their luck bounty hunters stumble upon the job of a lifetime when a seemingly random Stable pony has an enormous bounty placed on her head. Upon capturing the mare, the trio learns there's a lot more to the job than they originally thought and end up defending their prize from every other bounty hunter, mercenary and scumbag in the wasteland.

Along the way, their captive will discover that there's more to these ponies than meets the eye, and if she's going to find a way out of this mess she'll have to learn to trust them. One way or another she'll discover that normal ponies don't exist in this world. Everyone's a little strange. Everyone's a little crazy. If you want to survive in the Equestrian wasteland, you may have to get a little dirty.

Note: Big thank you to my pre-readers/editors The Red Angel and Savvi. This story wouldn't be possible without them.

Note the second: Title has changed! Used to be "Once upon a time in the wasteland" but that title didn't fit the story very well. Then one day I was listening to some AC/DC and inspiration struck! So yes, title now changed to "Dirty Deeds"

Note the third. Now has coverart done by Theimmolatedpoet. Huge thanks to him for his hard work :)

Note the fourth: Biggest thank you to Kkat for creating an awesome story and an awesome world that I can play around with. You're the best ;P

Prologue: Snake Eye

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan?"

Raiders.

Ponies who have lost themselves entirely to the wasteland. Completely devoid of any compassion and strung out on every chem imaginable. The sole purpose of raiders, it seems, would be to make the lives of the other inhabitants of the vast Equestrian Wasteland as miserable and difficult as possible. Raiders spend their time, hunting down caravan's and travelers. Once said prey is captured they are robbed of any supplies and graciously tortured. Sometimes the ponies caught become the raiders next meal. With full bellies, they then move on to the next unfortunate wanderer. At the end of the day however, even the most deranged of ponies need a place to rest and relax.

The Viper Nest was the home of the raider gang who had so appropriately named themselves, The Vipers. After a long day of committing foul, heinous crimes, The Vipers came here to have a good time, drown themselves in drink, and pump all sorts of chemicals into their veins.

The place was dressed in the finest raider decorum. Mutilated corpses were nailed to the walls and hung from the ceiling, organs still splayed with fresh blood dripping from them and down the walls. Pony bone's and skulls were used as everything from ashtrays to furniture. This particular night the tavern was filled to the brim with evil. The morally destitute ponies were indulging themselves in all manners of depravity. Fights littered the floor. Sexual misconduct happening in every corner. The raider ponies were celebrating the fact that on that day they had raised hell and tomorrow they would do the same. Every decent pony within the area knew to avoid the Viper Nest at all costs.

In spite of that fact, on this particular night, at this particular hideout, there was a knock at the door. All activity ceased. The sounds died out. Everypony stopped what they were doing. All attention was on the door. After a minute or two of silence, the raiders turned themselves back to their regular activities.

Then there was a second knock. Again silence. This time one of the raiders closest to the door walked over and opened it. Peeking his head out he spotted three equine figures, whose features he couldn't quite make out in the dark. However, he knew they weren't Vipers. Every Viper in the wasteland was currently behind him, inside of the Viper Nest.

Normally, if a pony had the misfortune of stumbling upon the Viper Nest, they would've become new decorations for the hideout. However, it was late. The raiders had spent the entire day, ravaging and killing. Right now was their time to relax and wind down. Despite what most believe, raiders do not wish to spend all their time killing and mutilating. Everyone needs a break.

So on this particular night, at this particular hideout, the raider committed a most un-raider like act. He told the ponies to leave.

"Get the fuck outta here." The raider commanded.

Before the raider could close the door and leave however, a voice called out. A mare's voice. Not just any mare's voice. It almost sounded like a filly.

"We're looking for somepony. We heard we could find him here. His name is Snake Eye and if you send him out to us, we'll be on our way."

“No one named Snake Eye here." The raider retorted. "Now leave!" With that the raider slammed the door shut and walked away to resume his previous activities.

As he was walking away, there was yet, another knock at the door. Everypony inside was tense, nervous. It takes a lot to make a raider pony nervous, but something about the ponies knocking at the door just wasn't right. The raider walked back to the door and peeked his head out once again.

"I thought I told you to get lost!"

The filly like voice called out again. "Now listen here. We know Snake Eye is in there. He's the only one we care about. The only one we want. Send him out and we'll leave. Simple as that."

"I told you, I have no idea who the fuck you're talking about. Now leave. I'm not telling you again." The irate raider slammed the door one more time.

Then, before he could even turn around, there was another knock. This was the last straw. Relaxation aside, it looked like there would be three more viper victims tonight. The raider drew his weapon and reached for the door...

...And that's when the door exploded.

The scorched raider was flung across to the far side of the room. The door way was filled with smoke. From the smoke, three silver flashes streaked through the air, embedding themselves into the skulls of three of the raider ponies. The ponies dropped down, dead, knives sticking out of their heads.

From the smoke gunfire erupted and several more raiders fell. The three attacking ponies rushed in, bringing hell with them.

The largest of the three rushed forward, skillfully evading the gunfire. She wore a cloak, hiding most of her body. She stood taller than most mares but not bulky. In fact she was rather slim. An Earth pony with a short, black mane and dark grey coat. Most ponies her size couldn't move half as fast as the grey mare.

She was not most ponies.

She held a large caliber revolver in her mouth and was firing wildly at the raiders as she swiftly approached. Before the raiders knew it, she was on them. The mare dropped the revolver, reached underneath her cloak and produced a large knife. She proceeded to hack away at the raiders. One slash and three raiders fell, missing various body parts.

One Raider, wielding a fire axe, ran towards the mare and engaged but before he could even swing the large mare flung out her rear hoof, kicking the raider in the throat. Before he had hit the ground the mare swooped down with her knife and slashed his forelegs out from underneath him. He fell, gasping, into a pool of his own blood.

Several other raiders approached. The mare stood on her hind legs revealing her full height. She towered over them. Terrified, the raiders began to flee but the massive Earth pony never gave them a chance.

She leaped forward and utilizing the massive knife in her jaws, reduced the fleeing raiders to pieces. She stood amongst the remains, completely still amongst the chaos. Slowly she turned her head and saw a single raider out of the corner of her eye.

The raider looked into her eye and saw something disturbingly familiar. You could say that raiders are experts on insanity, being quite insane themselves, but In the eyes of this mare the raider saw a kind of insanity he had never encountered before. It paralyzed him with fear.

The mare started to move towards him. She moved unlike anything he had ever seen before. Her movements were smooth, flowing, and clear, less like a pony and more like a ghost. The raider couldn't bring himself to move, and the dull blue eyes of the ghost mare was the last thing he ever saw.

While the Earth pony mare was tearing apart the raiders at close range, her two associates were dousing the place with gunfire.

Two raiders had flipped over a table and were using it as cover. Machine gun fire kept them pinned. Slowly the table was being torn apart by the suppressive fire. The two raiders laid down on their bellies and attempted to crawl away. They stopped short when two crimson hooves landed in front of their faces. Slowly they looked up to view the face of their attacker.

In front of them stood a dark red Pegasus. Her long, straight, red mane (an even darker shade of red than her coat) poked out from underneath the combat helmet she wore. A pair of mirrored sunglasses covered her eyes and a lit cigarette dangled out her mouth. She wore a battle saddle that bolstered a sub machine gun on either side.

The two raiders tried their best to get up and face her but before they had even begun to stand, she gunned them down.

From behind her, More armed raiders ran out towards the Pegasus mare and open fired. Most ponies don't possess the agility and athleticism required to avoid gunfire at such a close range.

She was not most ponies.

Not a single bullet even grazed the Pegasus as she flew into the air. She maneuvered to face her opponents and fired. She landed right where the raiders fell and turned her battle saddle to the corner of the building. She opened fired on more raiders, and began to cut a swath of gunfire across the room.

Despite the fact that she was firing her guns at maximum speed, nearly every bullet hit it's mark. With every flash of her guns muzzle another raider fell. The barrage of gunfire was so great that the raiders could barely return fire and by the time they had the chance the Pegasus had already moved. She expertly and precisely picked them off, one by one as she danced through the air and there was seemingly no way to stop her.

The remaining raiders watched in awe as the crimson Pegasus and the ghost like Earth pony, tore their comrades apart. It was hardly a battle. It was a slaughter.

Several raiders turned and bolted towards the entrance, hoping to escape the carnage only to be met with a blazing inferno. The raiders fortunate enough to not be on fire stopped and saw that the source of the flame was a third mare...but she could hardly be called that. The raiders stared in bewilderment at the little filly standing before them.

A tiny sand colored Unicorn. Her bright yellow mane long, wavy and unkempt. The end wisps of her mane curved slightly in every direction. The small filly barely looked old enough to have a cutie mark and she was barely half the height than the raiders currently facing her.

Despite this, she levitated two objects in her pink magic aura. The first object was an automatic rifle which looked as if it would have been difficult for ponies twice her age to wield. Her magic held it with, ease turning it on the raiders and releasing a hail of large caliber rounds. This snapped them out of their bewilderment but far too late. Most of the raiders were torn to pieces before they could get away.

The raiders who survived the attack ran. Their escape was cut short as the fillies release of gunfire led them straight to the far wall. The little filly approached the surviving raiders. She levitated the rifle up and pointed it at the raiders. She pulled the trigger.

There was a soft click. She pulled the trigger a second time and the weapon clicked again. The gun's ammunition was depleted. This didn't deter the filly in any way. Her pink magic pulled the second object she was carrying, even larger than the automatic rifle and the raiders knew exactly what it was.

The little filly's mouth sported a wide, manic grin. A grin that the raiders had seen a thousand times. It was the same grin they themselves had worn a thousand times.

It was the grin of a pony about to deliver somepony else an incredibly painful death. Looking into the filly’s grin they felt the fear they themselves had instilled on countless ponies and when she turned the flamer on them, they felt the same pain they had inflicted on their past victims. Most fillies didn't possess the magical strength required to wield a flamethrower. Most fillies didn't derive extreme pleasure from roasting other ponies alive. Most fillies still had a gleam of innocence in their eye.

She was not most fillies.

It was over almost as soon as it began. Within minutes the crimson Pegasus, the grey Earth pony, and the sand colored Unicorn filly had ended the lives of every raider who had once called themselves a Viper.

Almost every pony.

There was one raider still barely breathing. The trio of ponies approached the burnt remains of the pony that had first turned them away at the door. The stallion had burns from the explosion and wooden shrapnel from the door embedded into his being. He was on the very edge of death. The filly walked over to him, leaned down and spoke.

"You just had to do it the hard way, huh? Couldn't just be polite and send the one pony we asked for out? Well now all your friends are dead. What do you have to say for yourself now huh?"

Through labored breaths and the blood leaking out of his mouth the dying raider managed to say, "Wruuu gaaaaan..." Followed by a terrible gurgling sound and then the raider was dead.

"Wru gan?" The filly turned to her two companions "Either of you have an idea as to what that might mean?"

They both shook their heads.

"Well okay then. Let's check these bodies, find Snake Eye then head on back to town and collect the reward!"

The three ponies began examining the bodies. The Pegasus turned to her grey accomplice.

"Let me see the bounty notice. I can't remember what exactly we're looking for."

The Earth pony mare reached into her cloak found the parchment with the notice and gave it over to her crimson companion.

"Look's like he's a tall, slim, blue, Earth pony stallion with a dark mane, and a snake for a cutie mark." She pointed to a corpse. "Is that him?"

"I can't tell." The grey pony replied. "It's too burnt."

"Dammit!" The Pegasus turned on the filly. "Why'd you feel the need to use a fucking flame thrower huh? Not only did you burn half these fuckers beyond recognition but that thing is expensive as fuck to shoot!"

The filly turned to the older mare, "Oh bite me. That was the most fun I've had in forever. Beside, take a closer look at the bodies, you can still make out their cutie marks and that's all we need."

"That doesn't change the fact that, that thing is expensive as hell!"

"Well I paid for it with my own caps, so you can fuck off!" The filly yelled back.

"You wanna say that to me again you little brat!?"

"I sure as hell do! Fuck off!!"

With that retort, the Pegasus mare flew at the filly and the two began wrestling amongst the charred raider remains. Meanwhile the large Earth pony was studying the mass of raider's bodies. She wasn't focused on their facial features or their cutie marks though. Instead she was studying their outfits. After a minute of looking at the raiders barding she spoke.

"Hey Sugar. Hey Scar...What was the name of the gang Snake Eye Slim was part of?" She asked.

The little filly who had been attempting to remove her companions ear with her teeth and the Pegasus mare who had been trying to remove the filly from her head both paused. After a moment of contemplation the Pegasus answered.

"Ummm I don't remember specifically but it was some kind of snake. Like the Cobra's or the Anaconda's or something like that. What does the bounty notice say?"

The Unicorn filly took the parchment and studied it. "It says: Snake Eye Slim, founding member of the raider gang known as...the Pythons..."

The three looked at the mangled bodies of the dead raider gang. Each one's features had been mostly mangled but what remained discernible on each and every corpse was the uniform they all wore. Each raider wore leather barding with the words "Vipers" clearly emblazoned on it.

After a minute of staring the Earth pony finally spoke, "Wrong...gang. Girls...I think this is the wrong gang."

The three surveyed the surrounding area. It was eerily quiet. Raider bodies littered the floor. Blood dripped from the ceiling. Bullet holes covered the walls. Several bodies still smoldered. After a few moments the little filly spoke.

"Well...shit."

Chapter One: Are you ready?

"You must be insane."

Equestria is the worst place in existence. It wasn't always so bad though. Legend tells that Equestria used be the happiest of places. Then the ponies of Equestria got greedy. Their greed led them down the path to war. They fought with a neighboring Zebra nation over different kinds of rocks. Things escalated rather quickly and soon megaspells rained down from the sky and covered the land in balefire. The happiest place in the world was reduced to a hellish wasteland. Most ponies died.

Some however, were able to take shelter in massive, underground fallout shelters known as Stables. When they emerged, they set out across the ruins of the old world to build new societies. They established villages and formed tribes. The residents of Stable Twenty-eight only remained inside for roughly eighty years. When they finally did venture outside they set out to explore and meet other survivors. They soon discovered that the other survivors of the great war weren't nearly as peace loving and friendly as them.

As a result they never again ventured too far from their Stable. Sometimes they would wander out to trade for extra food or weapons with which to fend off the occasional raider attack. Mostly, however, the ponies of Stable Twenty-eight lived very sheltered lives for more than a century.

Sortilege Harmony was born in Stable Twenty-eight. Growing up she wasn't the most social of fillies. She had friends and was generally well liked but for the most part she was very solitary. She preferred to be left alone, to read a good story or play with her dolls.

One night, when Sortilege was a small filly she had a strange dream. In the dream, Sortilege was floating through a seemingly endless white open space. Eventually she landed on what appeared to be nothing. There was a white flash and a pony appeared before her.

She was much taller and older than Sortilege but the differences ended there. The dream mare had the exact same dark blue coat as her, and the exact same bubble gum pink mane tied back in a pony tail just the way Sortilege preferred. The dream pony walked over to Sortilege and Sortilege gazed up into the ponies incredibly odd looking eyes. There was something about those eyes….

….Something...strange.

….Something...crazy.

Then the dream pony smiled. Not a kind, loving smile but a wide, almost silly looking grin. Then her eyes distorted even further. Her irises disappeared and were replaced by two multicolored swirls. Then the dream pony leaned down and touched her horn to Sortileges. There was a brilliant flash of white and Sortilege woke up.

‘What a strange dream.’ She had thought to herself. Sortilege didn't think much on the dream after that, but every once in a while, she'd lay her head to rest and the dream pony would appear again. The dreams never bothered her much but she always wondered what they could possibly mean.

Years passed and Sortilege lived a happy life within her small community. She never ventured outside of Stable Twenty-eight. She never desired to. She loved her life. She had a job as the Stable's teacher. She absolutely loved children, and the children utterly adored her. As a matter of fact, everypony in Stable Twenty-eight downright loved Sortilege.

She was known for being incredibly friendly and always having the most positive outlook. The Unicorn mare may not have had anyone she would call a close friend but that didn't bother her. She adored her Stable and she loved everypony in it.

Above all else, and it wouldn't be until much later that Sortilege would realize it, Sortilege loved the fact that everypony in Stable Twenty-eight was sane.

Then one day, all the simplicity, safety, and sanity in Sortilege’s life was taken away...

~O.o~

There are many miserable towns located in the Equestrian Wasteland but none are as miserable as the town called Misery. Not a single pony in Misery even pretended to be decent. Everyone in the town was a scumbag in one way or another. The town was populated with nothing but mercenaries, bounty hunters, chem dealers, chem addicts, prostitutes, weapon dealers, slavers and nearly every other sort of villain.

There was no law in Misery. Bottlecaps ruled the place. If somepony wanted justice they had to pay for it, and even then they were more likely to get robbed or worse. Nopony in Misery smiled. It was by far the most appropriately named location in the wasteland.

In the center of Misery stood the Miserable tavern, where the inhabitants of the town could stop in and fill their bodies with chems and alcohol in futile attempts to convince themselves that they actually enjoyed being alive. The tavern also served as a place where the vile denizens of Misery could come and discuss business. The bounty hunters, mercenaries and slavers all accumulated there to have a drink and discuss their next jobs.

On this day the tavern was packed full with the worst of the worst; or the best of the best, depending on the way one chose to look at it.

The biggest and baddest mercenaries in the wastes had all stopped in, drowning themselves in chemicals. At a booth in the corner a gang of ghouls, all pegasi, were enjoying a game of cards. A small number of decrepit looking mercenaries who reeked of drugs and gasoline sat in the corner, foregoing the pleasures of alcohol in favor of more intense substances. At the bar, a band of bounty hunters, led by a strange little ghoul celebrated the success of their latest endeavors. Further down the bar two more ghouls sat in silence, drinking and trying their best to forget their past. At the farthest corner of the place, a lone mare played an eerie tune on her harmonica and seated at the center table of the tavern, three mares were in the middle of an heated argument.

"This is entirely your fault Scar." The little sand colored filly was glaring intensely at her crimson pegasus partner.

If looks could kill, her winged companion would be deader than a pony caught in the epicenter of a balefire blast.

"How do you figure? Skitz was the one in charge of the bounty notice." The crimson mare retorted.

The large, grey Earth pony who accompanied them didn't say a word but instead focused all of her attention on the plate of wasteland cuisine she had ordered from the bar.

"Yes she was. And whose idea was it to put her in charge?"

"Well...mine, but I didn't exactly see you running to stop me."

"That's because I thought you were only letting her hold onto it. I had no idea you were putting her in charge of directions too! What the fuck were you thinking?!"

"Bite me Sugar. You never put Skitz in charge of anything. I felt bad for her. I didn't think she'd fuck up this badly."

The grey pony still remained silent, munching down on her meal, seemingly oblivious the fact that her companions were talking about her.

"I don't blame Skitz." The filly said back. "I blame you! I trusted you to get the info we needed for this job while I rounded up supplies. I didn't think you were retarded enough to leave the detailing up to a pony with the IQ of a fucking potato!"

Scar dismissively rolled her eyes at the filly. "She's not nearly as dumb as you make her out to be. Speaking of you rounding up our supplies, what was with that fucking flamer you bought? You spent so much on that damned thing, that we barely had enough caps for ammo."

"I never used a flamer before. I thought it'd be fun." Sugar thought to herself for a moment. "And it was fun! It was fun as hell. And the price wouldn't have been an issue if we had hit the right hideout!"

Sugar leaned back and placed her forehooves over her face in frustration.

"Ugh! Why'd you have to fuck this up Scar?! The payout for this job was huge!"

"Well fine. I'm sorry for trying to make Skitz here feel like an equal member of our group."

The simple mare looked up from her meal and smiled wide at the Pegasus.

"Maybe if you included her in the planning of our jobs more often, we wouldn't have these sorts of issues."

The filly moved forward and slammed her head face first onto the table. "You're retarded. Both of you are. I hate you so much."

She repositioned her head so that her chin was resting on the tables edge. "What are we supposed to do now? We're flat broke and out of ammo. We couldn't go after Snake Eye Slim now if we wanted too."

Scar pondered quietly for a minute "Think we might be able to get something for wiping out the Vipers?"

Sugar gave a dismissive snort "Doubt it. They were small time. I don't think anyone was bothered by them enough to offer up a reward."

Skitz, the grey Earth pony, finally decided it was time to add her opinion to the conversation. "Whe cud gouh ta mauh."

"We can't understand you when your mouth is full Skitz.”

Skitz swallowed her mouthful and voiced her idea a second time.

"We could go to May. She might be able to help."

"We could." Sugar said. "Except May hates us. I doubt she'd be willing to throw us a bone."

"It's worth a try Sugar." Scar piped in. "Better than sitting here doin' nothing."

"Yeah fuck it. Might as well. I hate this place anyway. Stinks like Zebra shit."

"First things first though, We're stopping by a merchant and you're selling that fucking flamer."

"Like hell I am! You can sell this bad boy after you pry it out of my cold dead hooves!"

"Ha! Don't threaten me with a good time Sugar."

With that, the trio of mares gathered up their supplies and headed on out into the town.

~O.o~

Miserable May hated her miserable life. She hated her miserable job as the mayor of the town Misery. She hated her miserable employees who constantly bothered her about raises. She hated the miserable inhabitants of her miserable town. Miserable May hated just about everything and everypony under the miserable sun.

There were three particular ponies, however, that Miserable May hated more than any others...and those three ponies were currently making their way to her office.

Scar, Skitz and Sugar walked up to the front door of Misery's town hall. It was a miserable looking building. When the two guard ponies stationed outside the hall noticed the trio of mares approaching the building, they each shot each other a worried glance.

Sugar trotted up to the nearest guard.

"Is May in today?" She asked.

"She is...but I'm not sure how happy she's gonna be to see the three of you..."

"May’s never happy to see anypony. We're here to talk business, so how about you let us through and I probably won't light you on fire. Probably." The Unicorn filly motioned to the flamer she was carrying in her telekinetic pink aura.

The guard nervously stared at the weapon, before looking back down at the filly.

"O-okay. B-but you're g-gonna have to s-s-surrender your weapons before you go through the d-door."

Sugar nodded, then motioned for her two companions to follow her. They made their way over to the other guard pony who was standing behind a bench. Sugar laid down the flamer she had been levitating down on the bench. Next she unslung the ridiculously large automatic rifle she'd been carrying on her back. Finally, she levitated a large pistol that had been painted entirely pink out from her saddle pack. She levitated the saddle pack up to the guard, showing him that it was indeed empty. He nodded, satisfied and let her pass.

Scar, walked up next and undid the harness for her battle saddle and laid it out on the bench. Then, she leaned in close to the guard and spoke in a venomous tone.

"That battle saddle, is my most prized possession. I'm leaving it in your care. If anything happens to it I'm holding you responsible. Got it?"

The shaking guard pony swallowed before responding "Y-y-yes m-m-ma'am."

"Good."

With that, she reached her head down and drew a sawed-off shotgun from her foreleg and laid it on the bench next to her battle saddle.

Skitz's turn was next. She trotted up to the weapon bench with a smile on her face. She closed her eyes and gave both the guards a friendly wave. Then she reached into her cloak and pulled out a machete and placed it on the table. She reached into her cloak again and pulled out a large revolver and placed it on the table next to the machete. She reached into her cloak a third time and produced a sawed off shotgun and placed it on the table as well. She continued to reach into her cloak, pulling out various weaponry and placing them on the table.

After a few minutes she had produced: a pair of hedge clippers, a throwing axe, several knives, a baseball bat, a few grenades, a few landmines, some plastic explosives, a squirt gun, a couple of small pistols, a pair of hoofclaws, some nunchucks, a toilet plunger, a small submachine gun and a crossbow and she was still reaching into her cloak for more.

Scar and Sugar exchanged a knowing look between themselves.

"Hey Skitz, we're gonna head on inside. You meet up with us when you're done okay?" Scar said

The tall grey mare looked glanced over at her two companions and smiled and said "Okay." before reaching into her cloak again.

Sugar and Scar headed into the hall and towards the office of Miserable May.

May was sitting alone in her office, looking over some notices that had been sent her way on her computer terminal. According to one report, the raider gang known as the Vipers, had been wiped out at their base of operations. ‘That's good news I guess.’ May thought to herself.

Then, another thought crossed May’s mind. May went through all of the notices that had been sent to her that day. Each and every one contained good news.

"That can't be right." She said aloud to herself.

May reached over and turned on the radio on her desk. DJPon3 was in the middle of a news broadcast. May listened intently, trying to catch wind of some bad news of some kind. The stallion on the radio gave a few basic updates about the going ons of the wasteland, but it was just average news. Nothing particularly bad about any of it. Then he gave a few basic wasteland survival tips and put on some music.

May sat back in her chair, thinking to herself. ‘Today has been a pretty good day’ she thought. ‘I never have good days…’

Then, at that exact moment, there was a knock on her door.

May sighed. "And there it is."

She briefly wondered if she should even risk opening the door, lest the first good day she had since she could remember was ruined. After a moment of contemplation, she decided that maybe, just maybe, the Goddesses had finally decided to give her the break she so rightly deserved.

"Come in." She called out towards the door.

The door opened...and May immediately regretted her decision.

"Get out." She sourly told the two mares entering her office.

"Hello May!" Sugar smiled and trotted up to the older ponies desk. "You're looking wonderful today."

"Get out." The mayor didn’t hesitate when she repeated herself.

“Aww May, don't be like that, I thought we were your friends." The little one smiled brightly at the town leader.

"Why?" May muttered, glaring at the two.

"We're here to talk business May." Scar informed her. "We're wondering if you had any work lined up for us."

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the Goddesses. I want to know why they hate me so much."

May reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of medication. She stared at the bottle for a moment and cursed the fact that she didn't have enough left to kill her.

"I don't think the Goddesses hate you May." The little filly said. "Actually, I'm of the opinion that there aren't any Goddesses. They high tailed it outta here when the world ended."

"That would make a lot of sense. Now please, tell me what I can do to make you two leave me alone as soon as I possibly can?"

"Well like Scar said, we're looking for work. Did you happen to hear about the Vipers?"

"That was you? I thought you three were hunting down Snake Eye Slim?"

"Yeah well." Sugar glared over at her partner. "We had a communication issue."

She looked back over to May. "But now we're in a bit of a pinch. We're out of caps and we're out of bullets. Any way we could get a loan so we could go back after him?" She smiled up hopefully towards May.

"First off, you're too late. Someone already nabbed Slim and collected the reward money."

"Damn." The filly shot another, intense, frustrated glare over at Scar.

"Second, I don't have enough caps lying around to be giving loans and third..." The old mare leaned closer to the two younger ponies "...I hate you and I want you to die. So why should I even help you?"

"C'mon May. That's just a little bit harsh dontcha think?"

"You three consistently fuck up every job you've been given. Everything you do ends in a bloodbath. You have caused me more trouble than you're worth. I don't have any work for you and even if I did have something, I'm not helping you. Now get out."

"May..." Scar began.

"No Scar. No more favors. You're not worth the headache. You can go work the street corner for all I care."

"May," Scar pitched in again. "You know we're more than capable of getting things done. Give us one more chance."

The mare looked pleading at May. "We're desperate. Pretty please?"

She reached down, picked up her filly partner and placed her on May's desk. "With Sugar on top?"

The two gave May the best puppy-dog look either one of them could muster. May gave a frustrated sigh. She mulled it over for a moment.

Then she had an idea. A wonderful, fantastic idea.

"You know girls...you might be in luck. As a matter of fact I do have something. I was saving it for somepony special. But It might be just the job for you. You want to hear it?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" The filly exclaimed bouncing on the mare's desk, causing pencils to fall from it and papers to scatter.

"More than anything in the world May." Said Scar.

May reached across the desk and pressed her intercom button. "Crossbones. Would you bring me the bounty notice we got the other day?"

The intercom buzzed back "Which one?"

"The really interesting one. You remember which one I'm talking about?"

"I remember. I'll be right there ma'am."

The three mares waited in silence as May's assistant headed down the hall to the office. He entered, walked over to May, and handed her a piece of parchment.

"This came in a week or so ago. Biggest bounty notice we ever had." The old mare began. "I've been very reluctant to release it. The bounty's so large that if everyone knew about it, it'd cause a shit storm of chaos that I honestly don't need."

"What is it?" The crimson mare inquired.

"You know that stable up north from here?"

The duo nodded.

"I have no idea what she did or who she pissed off but a mare from that stable has a one hundred thousand bottlecap bounty on her head."

Scar let loose a low whistle.

Sugar's jaw dropped in shock "A hundred thousand?! You're kidding!"

May shook her head. "I don't have a sense a humor Sugar. One hundred thousand caps. But she has to be taken in alive is the thing."

"We can do that!" Sugar cried out enthusiastically.

May raised a skeptic her eyebrow at the filly.

"We can! I promise! Please, oh please, oh please, oh please! Oh please give us the job, May!"

"I was thinking about it. There's a couple problems though. First thing is the delivery point. It's all the way on the other side of Equestria."

"That's no big deal. What's the other issue?" Scar said.

“The other issue, is that someone else might have already beaten you to the punch."

May got up from her desk and trotted over to the duo. Scar tried to peek at the parchment she was holding but May pulled it away.

"No touching. This is for my eyes only. It says so right on the letter."

"Where does it say that on the letter?"

"I can't show you, dumb-ass. Only I can look at the letter." May took out her bottle of medication and swallowed another pill.

"The reason I'm telling you about this job, is that you'd actually be doing me a huge favor by taking it. A group of bounty hunters already raided Stable Twenty-eight earlier in the week. They killed everyone in it and took the mare with the bounty. Last I heard however, they haven't moved her yet. They’re keeping her at their base, just outside of town."

"So you want us to go in, wipe out the bounty hunters?" Scar asked.

The Pegasus and the tiny Unicorn shared a skeptical look with each other.

"Why?"

"Because it'd be good for business. Less competition. You take this job, I'll pay for all your expenses. Ammunition, healing potions, chems. Anything you need."

"And we get to collect the bounty on the stable brat as well?" Sugar asked, her suspicions rising.

"Eeyup. All you have to do is take her to the rendezvous point over toward Forb mountain."

May sat down and reached her front hoof towards the mare and the filly. "So, do we have a deal?"

The filly eyed the outstretched hoof suspiciously.

"I don't know...what do you think Scar?"

The crimson Pegasus thought to herself for a long moment. "Ya know, there's an old saying that goes: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

She stared into the old town leader’s eyes, searching for a hint of deceit. Then she reached out, grabbed May's hoof and shook it vigorously.

"But fuck whoever said that! They obviously didn't have any idea what they were talking about. You got yourself a deal May!"

"Great. I'll send word to the town vendors. They'll supply you with what you need."

She walked around her desk again, pulled out a piece of paper and wrote something on it.

"This is the rendezvous where you need to drop the bounty off."

"Gimme that!"" Sugar said as she used her magic to swipe the little slip of paper off of May's desk.

She glared over at Scar. "I'm in charge of directions this time!"

"Okay fine. In that case, I'm rounding up supplies. We're selling your stupid flame thrower."

The duo turned around, headed out of May's office and back down the hall.

"No you're fucking not Scar! I paid for it with my own caps! I would never ask you to sell your precious battle saddle would I?"

"I suppose not."

"Exactly. So quit asking me to sell my shit. We each have our own personal belongings. We have no right to ask each other to get rid of them."

The two mares made there way back outside.

"I suppose you're right...speaking of which..."

The two guard ponies from earlier were staring, mouths wide open in shock, at massive amount of assorted weapons that had been laid out on the bench in front of them. On the other side of the bench, Skitz was still reaching into her cloak, to grab the next deadly item she had stashed away.

Sugar and Scar walked up to the bench and grabbed their own personal belongings.

"C'mon Skitz. We're heading out. We got a job to do."

“Okie doke." Skitz replied and in one big scooping motion, she pulled the entire arsenal she had laid out on the bench back into her cloak.

Then she turned to guard ponies, gave them great big smile and said "Bye!" before she trotted off after her cohorts.

The guard ponies didn't respond. Instead they stared at the departing trio of mares, with wide eyes and open mouths. Their jaws hanging halfway down to their knees.

Back in her office, Miserable May was mentally patting herself on the back for a job well done. She had successfully killed two birds with one stone and she was feeling quite proud of herself. She motioned over to her assistant, Crossbones, who had yet to leave the room.

"Crossbones, get into the cabinet a bring me that bottle of wine I've been saving. Today has been a surprisingly good day and I feel like celebrating."

Crossbones did as he was told. He retrieved the bottle and two glasses and poured a glass for his boss and himself. The two began drinking.

After a couple glasses Crossbones decided to ask the question sitting in the back of his mind.

"Ma'am. Why did you lie to them about the bounty?"

May poured herself another drink.

"Because as stupid as those three are, I don't think they're that stupid. If they had known all the details of the job, they might not have taken it."

She took another sip and mulled over her own statement. "Well actually, they probably still would have but I didn't want to take the chance. It doesn't matter now. They'll go in, take care of those annoying bounty hunters, and in the time it takes them to realize how much danger they're actually in, they'll already be dead and out of my mane for good."

May sat quietly for a moment, staring at her wine glass and thought over the events of the day, which may have possibly been the best day of her miserable life.

"You know Crossbones, I don't smile much. As a matter of fact, I don't smile ever."

She placed the glass to her lips, and downed the rest of its contents.

"But if I did...this would be one."

~O.o~

Sortilege Harmony was having the worst day of her life.

It started out as any other day. She woke up, and walked around, greeting everyone in her stable. Sortilege was the kind of pony who could brighten up any ponies day. She knew everypony in Stable Twenty-eight.

She headed over to the cafeteria and enjoyed a delicious breakfast. She ate her breakfast alone, as always, but that didn't bother her at all. She very much enjoyed her privacy and everypony knew that. As friendly as she was, Sortilege had no close friends. That didn't bother her either though. Nothing really bothered her much.

After breakfast, she headed on over to the stable's classroom and began teaching her class. Sortilege, loved her job. She taught her students all about math, science, reading and magic. Her students adored her and she adored them. Sortilege absolutely loved children.

Then, in the middle of story time, the stables alarm sounded. The alarm didn't bother her much. It sounded all the time. Stable Twenty-eight was an open stable. They often did trading with the outside world. As a result, they would occasionally get attacked by raiders. It was never that big of an issue.

The guard ponies of Stable Twenty-eight were quite well armed. They usually fought off the raiders rather easily, sustaining very few injuries. When there were injuries, Sortilege was always the first pony there to greet them and brighten their day with a smile and her positive attitude.

Sortilege began the proper safety procedures for her class. Urging the little fillies and colts to stay calm and proceed in an orderly fashion, to the stables safe rooms. It was only a precaution. Raiders had never actually been able to get inside Stable Twenty-eight. It was still important to know what to do in these kind of situations..

Then Sortilege heard noises over the alarm. A series of loud thumps and what sounded like ponies screaming. The thumps and screams persisted, getting louder and louder.

For what seemed like the first time in her life, Sortilege began to feel worried.

Then the door opened and two stallions who Sortilege didn’t know stepped in before her. She had never seen a raider pony before, but had heard the guard ponies describe them. They had always told her they were sickly and emaciated, with bloodshot eyes. That they were covered in dirt and grime. Raiders from the guard ponies point of view, could easily be summed as the most evil looking ponies anyone had ever seen.

The two stallions standing in the doorway of Sortileges classroom did not fit that description at all. They weren't sickly and emaciated. They looked rather healthy in fact, and they were very fit and muscular. Their eyes looked...like regular pony eyes, except a whole lot meaner. They weren't nearly as clean as the ponies of Stable Twenty-eight but Sortilege wouldn't go so far as to say they were "covered" in dirt and grime. The guard ponies were right about one thing though.

They were definitely the most evil looking ponies Sortilege had ever seen.

They wore leather outfits and each one carried a rifle, strapped to his side in a special harness. One of them was a Unicorn, who had completely shaved his mane. The other was an Earth pony, who wore his mane in a strange spike style. Sortilege had never seen the style before and couldn't figure out why anypony would think that it looked good.

The two stallions stared at her. It seemed as if they were studying her. She stared back. She was too terrified to move. She had never properly prepared herself for this sort of event. One of the stallions, the Earth pony, turned to his unicorn compatriot and spoke.

"Is that her?" One said, referring to Sortilege.

The Unicorn stallion used his magic to levitate a piece of paper out of his pocket. Both stallions stared at the paper for a moment, then looked back at Sortilege.

The Unicorn nodded. "Eeyup."

Then he levitated out a strange looking device. A gun of some kind. He pointed it at Sortilege and fired right at her face.

Sortileges world went black...

She woke several hours later. She opened her eyes but she couldn't see anything. It appeared there was a bag over her head.

The young Unicorn tried to remove the bag using her magic only to discover she couldn't use her magic. Whatever they had shot her with seemed to prevent her from doing so.

She tried to scream but nothing came out. It seemed that her mouth was taped shut.

She attempted to move but it appeared that she was tied down.

Sortilege inhaled through her nose and gagged from the stench. It was quickly very clear that she was no longer in the confines of her stable. From what she could tel about her current situation, Sortilege had been taken prisoner by whomever had invaded her stable.

Unable to move, speak, or use her magic, Sortilege did the only thing she could think of.

She began to cry.

~O.o~

Skitz, Scarlet, and Sugar, sat on the top of a hill overlooking an old run down house. The little Unicorn filly was laying down, watching the house through a pair of binoculars. The large grey Earth pony was sitting down, sharpening her machete. The crimson Pegasus was pacing nervously back and forth.

After some time had passed, Sugar looked up at Scar and spoke.

"Now...we're one hundred percent sure that this is the right place?"

Scar answered back but never ceased her pacing. "We are one hundred percent, Sir. We've double, triple and quadruple checked."

"Well, I want to quintuple check! We can't afford to fuck this up again."

Scar ignored the fillies comment.

"How many of them are in there Sir?"

The Unicorn filly resumed looking through her binoculars.

"Can't get an exact count. I think maybe ten. Possibly as many as fifteen or twenty."

"Shit. I don't like this, Sir. I don't like this one bit. I think we're under prepared, Sir."

The Pegasus started pacing even faster than before.

Sugar continued surveying the house through her binoculars.

"Scar...you're doing it again."

"Doing what, Sir?"

"You're calling me sir."

Scar quit her pacing and sat down.

"Sorry. I'm just really fucking nervous about this one Sugar. These aren't fuckin' raiders. They’re well equipped and they’re seasoned. These guys know what they're doing. Are you sure we have enough supplies to pull this off?"

Sugar rolled over onto her back, placed her hooves behind her head and closed her eyes.

"Relax Scar. This is gonna be easy. We do this sort of thing all the fuckin' time. And we got Skitz. I don't care if they have fifty well equipped, seasoned mercenaries in there. This is gonna be easy-peasy. So relax. Quit worrying yourself to death." With that, she rolled back over and looked through her binoculars again.

Scar walked over and laid down next to her.

"So...do we have a plan?" She asked.

"You're the strategist here. You tell me." Replied Sugar.

"Well, I could fly in through the second story window. Neutralize anypony on the top floor and start heading down the stairs. Meanwhile, while you and Skitz will head in through the back door and sneak up on them. You quietly take out anyone you see. By the time they hear me it's gonna be too late. They'll start heading upstairs and I'll pin 'em with machine gun fire. When they try to run back, you and Skitz will be there to head them off and we'll have 'em trapped. Sound good?"

Sugar never looked up from her binoculars.

"Mhmm. So we're gonna barge in through the front door and slaughter everything we see?"

"Same as always."

"Thought so." The little filly giggled. "Oh now I'm getting excited. You two ready?"

Skitz looked up from her machete and smiled softly.

Scar reached in her saddle bag and pulled out a tiny little box.

"Hold on Sugar. I actually got you something while we were out picking up supplies. You're gonna love it!"

"A present? For me?"

The little filly took the small box and looked at it curiously. She opened it up and her expression lit up.

"Scar! This is the greatest thing ever! I haven't done this since we popped that guy over in Old Appleoosa! Thank you so much!"

Scar smiled. "Don't mention it. I know how much you enjoy it. And if I'm being totally honest, I think its pretty fuckin' badass."

"Give me a minute to put it on! Then we head down the hill and raise hell! Now I'm even more excited than before! Okay girls. You ready to fuck some shit up!?"

Skitz closed her eyes and smiled with her mouth around her machete.

"I'm ready!"

Scar put on her combat helmet and her mirrored aviator style sunglasses.

"Sir, yes, Sir!"

The killer filly slapped a magazine into her automatic rifle. "Then let's go nuts."

~O.o~

Sortilege Harmony had been sitting, tied to a chair, crying, for about three days.

Occasionally they would take the tape off and allow her to eat. If she tried to say anything they would strike her. So she quickly learned not to talk.

They would occasionally untie her and allow her to use the bathroom but never without supervision. Sortilege did not enjoy being watched as she was using the bathroom. It bothered her greatly.

In fact, Sortilege was beginning to discover that there was a great number of things that bothered her where as before she thought herself bother free. The smell of her captors bothered her. The way they spoke and the foul language they used bothered her. The way they breathed bothered her! As matter of fact, everything outside of her Stable bothered her.

The only thing Sortilege wanted, more than anything in the world, was to go home to her bother free Stable. She couldn't do that though. So for what must have been the hundredth time since she was brought to this awful place, Sortilege started crying.

She never knew her body was capable of producing so many tears.

It bothered her greatly.

While Sortilege was busy crying her eyes out her captors were busy doing...nothing.

They had been doing nothing for three days. The only reason they hadn't bothered to move their bounty out to the rendezvous point was that their boss had yet to return.

He had gone out to Forb mountain ahead of them to check out the legitimacy of the deal. It was a good idea. With a bounty this size, they had be sure that they weren't going to get fucked over.

The bounty hunters were fortunate in that they were the only ones at the moment who knew about the bounty. But once others began to hear of it, it would quickly escalate to the most dangerous mission of their lives. So they had to be sure the job was legitimate. If it was however, it would be well worth the risk. They would all be rich.

There were fifteen mercenary ponies stationed in the house. Ten on them were on the first floor. Five in the living room watching the front door and five in the back. The other five were up on the second floor, watching over their prisoner.

In the living room, four of them were gathered on the floor, playing games of tic tac toe to fend off their boredom. The other one was stationed at the window, acting as lookout. He spotted a rather unusual sight approaching the front door.

"Hey...hey guys. There's three mares headed towards the house." He called out.

"Tell 'em to go away." Another answered, not bothering to look up from his tic tac toe game.

The watch pony opened the door and called out.

"Hey. Go away!"

He was answered immediately with a bullet right between his eyes.

The other four were on their hooves immediately. They began to draw their weapons but were stopped short by the sight of the little Unicorn filly who rushed in through the front door.

The sight of the killer filly, wielding a weapon twice her size was usually more than enough to leave most folks in a state of bewilderment.

Today, however, Sugar's appearance was more bewildering than usual. She was no longer sand colored. She was covered from the bottom ends of her hooves to the tip of her horn, in pitch black body paint.

All except her hair, which remained bright yellow...and her face.

Her face bore resemblance to those long since killed. White make up broke the black on her face. She had large, ashen, hollowed eye sockets. They were framed by a bright white with little black dots trimming to the corners. Her mouth was an outline of teeth that went much farther than her actual mouth. Her cute filly nose was covered in black. She smiled, her own teeth complimented by the little black lines around her mouth that served to complete the equine skull that had been painted on her face.

The ponies’ confusion quickly turned to terror as she brought the barrel of her automatic rifle to face the remaining four. She squeezed the trigger and reduced them to nothing more than bloody pony chunks.

Two more ran in from the back. They stopped dead in their tracks as she brought the flamer to face them. The wide, devilish grin the filly wore on her face was made all the more horrifying by the face paint she was wearing. She prepared to roast the pair of ponies, but before she could gunfire erupted from behind her, dropping both of her targets.

“What the fuck Scar?!" The painted filly shouted in anger. "That was my kill!"

"Don't use that thing in here you little psycho! You'll burn the whole fucking house down!" Scar barked at the filly.

Before Sugar could retort, three more rushed in from the back with weapons drawn. They were barely able to aim, before a huge equine shaped mass leaped over Scar and Sugar and landed on the pony in the middle.

The two remaining ponies had no time to react when Skitz swung her head around and with one stroke from her machete, detached both of their heads from their bodies.

The pony she was standing on was crippled in pain. He could only cry as he trembled in terror. The massive mare grasped his head in her hooves and skillfully snapped his neck.

The trio regrouped in the center of the living room and the youngest of them began giving out instructions.

“Okay. We split up. Scar, you go look in the rooms over there and look for our target. I'll check in the back. Skitz, you head upstairs. Stay alert. There's bound to be more of 'em around."

"What does the mare we're looking for look like?" Scar inquired.

"Shit...we never asked. Just assume she's the one who isn't shooting at us and looks like a prisoner."

The three gave each other comprehending nods, then departed.

Skitz headed up the stairs. When she reached the top she was attacked by another mercenary, wielding a sledgehammer. He swung at her head, hard and fast…

...but she was faster.

She blocked the hammer with her machete and struck out with her right foreleg. The attack landed and smashed the pony’s head into the wall. The unfortunate merc’s skull was obliterated into bits of bone and brain matter against the mare’s immense strength.

Skitz headed into the next room encountering five more ponies. One of whom was tied to a chair. The other four, had their guns trained on the door.

They all fired in unison. Their guns hit nothing but air.

Skitz rushed into the room and dove into their midst, grabbing one of her attackers with both forehooves and breaking his neck while simultaneously stabbing another in the throat with her machete. She spun around and bucked another one in the head with enough force to cave in his skull.

The last one was able to fire off a couple shots, but Skitz rolled out of the line of fire before they touched her. She reached into her cloak with her front hooves and swung them out forcefully, embedding three knives into the body of her final opponent.

The pony was dead before she hit the ground.

Skitz surveyed the area for any surprise attackers. Satisfied that she had dispatched all her foes, she turned her attention to the only other living pony in the room.

The ghost-like mare sheathed her machete and walked up to the pony. She leaned forward and used her teeth to remove the bag from the mares head.

Sortilege Harmony stared back at the large grey earth pony, tears running down her face.

She gazed into the strange ponies eye's and she noticed that there was something, familiar about them. There was something about those eyes….

…Something...strange.

….Something...crazy.

The large grey mare dropped the bag and smiled at her.

Not a kind loving smile and not a killer crazy smile but rather a wide, almost silly looking grin.

Then she spoke.

"Hi. I'm Skitz."

Author's Notes:

This was super fun to write. Big 'ol thanks to my editors and anyone who took the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed. Will try and have the next chapter out ASAP.

Chapter Two: Moneytalks

"If you're good at something, never do it for free.

Gunsmoke the bounty hunter had an exceptionally good memory.

The bulky, rugged looking brown unicorn stood, studying the scene in front of him as he remembered.

He remembered growing up in the wasteland and how difficult it had been. He thought about his father. Who had been a hunter, taking him across the wastes and teaching him all the skills he needed to survive.

He remembered how his father had been killed by a group of raiders during one of their hunting expeditions.

He remembered how he had hunted down those raiders and killed them one by one. He remembered how he had killed the first one - by shooting him from a distance with his father’s hunting rifle.

That event earned him his cutie mark: a smoking gun barrel.

He remembered discovering how much he enjoyed hunting other ponies down. He remembered how he had gained a reputation as one of the best bounty hunters in Equestria.

He remembered how he had received a strange letter one day, offering up what was easily the highest paying job he had ever received. He remembered assembling a large crew consisting of the finest hunters he had ever known.

Together they traveled to Stable Twenty-eight. He remembered encountering very little resistance. He remembered acquiring their target. He remembered leaving his group at an abandoned house right outside of Misery.

He had decided to go ahead of his group to Forb Mountain alone to discuss the job face to face. He wanted to know why this seemingly random stable pony was so incredibly valuable.

He remembered the incredibly strange meeting that ensued. Once he was convinced of the legitimacy of the deal, he headed back to the house.

Now he stood and surveyed the surrounding area, wondering if something had happened to his exceptionally good memory.

The hill that overlooked the house was right where it should have been. The crashed sky carriage, sitting a few meters away, was right where is should have been. The dead trees, adjacent to the house, were standing right where they should have been.

However, the fifteen bounty hunters who had aided him in the stable raid, his incredibly valuable target, and the house itself were all missing.

So, he stood there and stared at the space that he had remembered the house standing, wondering if he perhaps he had made a mistake had come to the wrong location. That moment of wondering passed very quickly.

Gunsmoke the bounty hunter never made mistakes.

Gunsmoke walked towards the area where the house should have been. In its place sat a still smoking pile of burnt rubble, making it evident that the house had been burned down. He picked through the debris for clues regarding details of what may have happened. After a moment of searching, he discovered a charred skeleton amongst the ruins. He continued his search and discovered several more charred pony remains.

One after another, he wound up finding fifteen bodies total. He studied the corpses and came to the conclusion that they had been dead before the fire had consumed the building.

Gunsmoke stood there amongst the remains of his comrades for a while, remembering the names and faces of each and every one of them.

He said a silent prayer to the Goddesses, asking them to watch over the souls of the fallen hunters whom he had once called his friends.

After his silent prayer, Gunsmoke turned and made his way over to his three current companions. Two of his companions were griffon mercenaries who he had hired to pull the sky carriage that took him across the wastes to Forb Mountain. He had worked with each of them in the past. They were highly skilled and incredibly reliable, and Gunsmoke trusted both of them with his life.

His other companion was a different story, however. The bounty hunter had only recently met this other companion, and what a strange companion it was.

He walked over towards the machine that had accompanied them on the return journey from Forb Mountain. Sprite bots littered the wasteland. They floated around, spewing mindless propaganda from some revolutionary located in Fillydelphia. They spoke about how he would change the wastes and Equestria would rise once again.

This sprite bot was different though. It floated in the air silently, watching Gunsmoke. Not many things made Gunsmoke feel uneasy, but he remembered what was watching him through the machine. He remembered meeting the terrible entity that was his current employer.

For the first time in his adult life, Gunsmoke wished that he could forget.

The machine floated there for a while, silently and lifelessly. Then a mechanical voice called out from the robot.

"Where is she, Gunsmoke? I'm tired of waiting."

Gunsmoke stared coolly at the machine. He did his best not to display how nervous he actually was at the moment.

"We have a problem. Someone hit the place while I was away. She's gone."

There was no response from the machine at first. It simply bobbed in the air, completely silent.

"Who else knew about her?" Gunsmoke asked

The sprite bot spoke again. "Only a select few. Soon, however, the news of the reward will get out to every corner of the wasteland."

"I don't get it. Why send out a bounty notice at all? Why didn't you just hire one group to get it done? It would have been a hell of a lot easier."

"It was not my decision. It was the decision of my master. Their will is never to be questioned." The mechanical voice held a deadly serious tone.

"Well, this is a problem." Gunsmoke replied.

"For you, perhaps. For me and my master, it brings no issue. Whoever is responsible for taking the girl undoubtedly intends to bring her to me. My goal shall be met regardless."

"Except now you can no longer guarantee her safety. You don't know who took her. She could be in the hooves of total psychos for all you know." Gunsmoke snorted and looked back towards the smoldering remains. "From the looks of it, that seems to be the case."

"This could have been avoided if you had simply brought her to me immediately."

He turned his attention back to the sprite bot.

"I had to be sure. The amount of caps you're offering is insane. It sounded like a joke. I didn't think there was anyone in the wasteland who had that kind of money. Especially to just throw away on some random Stable dweller."

"How do you feel about your decision now, Gunsmoke? The situation has changed. You may never see those caps."

"I stand by my decision." Gunsmoke declared proudly. "It seemed too good to be true. In a way, it still does."

The sprite bot replied with a mechanical sounding laugh. "I knew you'd say that."

"This isn't just about the caps anymore either. It's much bigger than that. This could change everything..."

"I didn't think you cared that much, Gunsmoke. If my master’s plan comes to fruition, you may very well have to give up your current lifestyle.”

Gunsmoke remembered the face of his father as he lay dying on the ground.

"I think I'd be okay with that." He looked at the sprite bot with the most serious of expressions.

"I'm gonna get her back. This job is too important to leave up to some random mercenaries. You need somepony you can trust. That pony is me."

"I agree with you, Gunsmoke. However, now that word of the bounty has been spread, it's going to be far more dangerous than before. You're going to need help. I can provide it..."

"I know what you have in mind. The answer is no. I don't need that kind of help." A small chill ran up Gunsmoke’s spine and it took all of his conscious effort to suppress the shutter.

The robot laughed again. "I knew you'd say that. What's your plan of action then?"

Gunsmoke thought for a second. He remembered his past jobs and who had accompanied him.

"I'm gonna round up some more hunters. The best ones I know. We're going to go after the ponies who took her and we're going to get her back. I'll be sure to be more careful this time, now that I know just what's at stake."

"Move quickly, Gunsmoke. Time is of the essence. The fate of Equestria lies in the balance."

"I know. Give my regards to your master. When this is all over, perhaps I'll get the chance to meet them in person." Gunsmoke smiled.

He remembered that the last time he had smiled had been with his father. He missed the feeling.

"I'm sure they would like that." There was a bright flash and the strange machine disappeared.

Gunsmoke turned to the two griffons. "We'll head over to back to your base. hire a few more Talons. Then we’ll head back to Misery to round up some old friends of mine."

He got inside the sky carriage and the griffons took off.

As they flew, Gunsmoke remembered his meeting at Forb Mountain. He remembered the feelings he experienced as he laid eyes on the strangest pony he had ever encountered. He remembered her eyes. There was something about those eyes.

Something...strange.

Something...crazy.

He remembered the sensation.

For the first time in his life, Gunsmoke had experienced true fear.

The feeling of fear was overshadowed by her words, though.

As she spoke, he remembered feeling an expectation or desire for a certain thing to happen.

Something he had never felt before.

He wanted to hold onto that sentiment forever.

He thought back to the encounter. He remembered what he could only imagine the feeling of….

... hope.

~O.o~

Miles away from the destroyed remains of the house, four mares made their way across the vast and desolate expanse of the Equestrian Wasteland. Since capturing their target, the gang had not stopped moving.

After they had acquired their target, they took what supplies they needed from the bodies of the dead bounty hunters. They then headed east, back towards Misery.

Before that, however, a certain crazy filly had decided to have a bit of fun with her favorite toy.

"You're a little maniac!"

Scar had been reprimanding the filly since they left.

"And a pyro! You're a little pyromaniac!"

"You've said that like a hundred times now, Scar." Sugar replied. "I told you, I wanted a chance to use the flamethrower."

"You could have at least waited until we were outside!"

"Yeah, coulda, shoulda, woulda, Scar. You sound like DJPon3. You just keep repeating the same stupid shit over and over and just like the actual DJPon3, I don't care about anything you have to say. Besides, everyone made it out just fine."

Scar glared at the filly then turned her head around and looked at her own tail, the tip of which had been singed black.

"Mostly fine." Sugar let out a giant yawn.

"I'm gettin' tired. Let's take a break and discuss things with our new companion."

They made their way over to an old orchard and sat down beneath some dead trees. A young unicorn was tied up and slung over the back of the large grey earth pony mare. Her new captors at least had the courtesy to remove the bag from her head.

Unfortunately, the tape over her mouth remained and her legs were still tied. At least Sortilege had stopped crying since being taken from the awful, foul smelling house. She was still terrified but at the same time a portion of her misery had been replaced by curiosity.

This was the first time she had ever laid eyes on the wasteland. As terrible as it was, Sortilege found it incredibly intriguing.

The first thing she had noticed upon leaving was the sky. She had seen pictures of the sky in books she had read as a filly, but she had never seen the real sky before. She had always thought it'd look blue, like in the books, with few clouds scattered here and there.

This wasn't the case at all.

The sky was grey and completely covered in clouds.

She knew that shortly before the bombs fell, the Pegasi had abandoned Equestria and closed off the sky, but she never imagined exactly what that entailed. She was only able to look at the sky for so long.

Eventually the vast and seemingly endless space began to make her feel ill so she began studying the landscape. She found the sea of damaged colors surrounding her to be fascinating.

Growing up in a stable, the only color she was used to seeing regularly was grey. It never bothered her much. She liked grey. But the wasteland offered her a whole new variety of colors.

Greens were small pools of radioactive goop. Reds, blues and yellows from all the crashed sky carriages and debris that littered the place. And browns.. there were a whole lot of browns. She thought it was kind of pretty. Pretty in a scary, dirty way.

Most intriguing of all were her new captors. She found them as interesting as she did terrifying.

The first one she had laid her eyes on, the large grey mare, hardly said a word. Despite the fact that she had singled-hoofedly and viciously slaughtered five of her captors right in front of her, the mare seemed.. friendly? Nice. She never involved herself in her two companions constant bickering and she seemed almost completely oblivious to everything going on around her.

Sortilege had never met a pony like her before. She found herself constantly wondering what was going on inside the strange mare’s mind.

Sortilege was particularly captivated by the crimson Pegasus. She had never seen a Pegasus before. She couldn't help but marvel at the pony’s wings. They might have been the most beautiful feature she had ever seen on another pony.

As a matter of fact, the Pegasus pony was possibly one of the prettiest mares she'd ever seen in general. Sortilege wondered why anypony as pretty as her would resort to the sort of life she seemed to have chosen.

Then the stable mare noticed the scars.

Two large scars marred either side of the mare’s face. The smaller of them was located above left her eye, on the ridge of her eyebrow. The larger one was on her right cheek, starting at the corner of her eye and ending at the bottom of her chin.

Sortilege fought to understand why anypony would wish to harm such an angelic looking creature. She was also fascinated by the mare’s cutie mark: A cloud with a lightning bolt shooting out of it, encompassed by a circle. The entirety of it was black, and the most intriguing part was that it didn't really look like a cutie mark at all. It looked like a brand.

The little filly scared Sortilege the most out of the three.

Throughout her entire adult life, Sortilege had loved children. When she was younger, she would frequently foalsit and always enjoyed doing so. She had never been afraid of a child before. But seeing a young filly with a pitch black coat and a stylized white skull painted on her face was a sight Sortilege had never imagined she would see.

Hearing the foul, venomous language spew from the filly’s mouth caused her to cringe. Little fillies shouldn't talk like that! Then seeing the little one pick up a weapon twice her size with her magic and begin to delightfully set fire to the house they still occupied had made her even more fascinated and horrified. Sortilege had always been quite adept at anything magic related but even she didn't possess that kind of telekinetic strength at that age. The only spot on the filly that wasn't painted was her flank, right where her cutie mark was. Sortilege looked at the mark, a pony skull wearing a pink bow, and shuddered. She didn't even want to know what kind of talent that was supposed to represent.

What must have happened to the child to make her into such a monster?

Skitz dumped Sortilege on the ground. The three looked over the mare. She was fairly young. Younger than Skitz and Scar, but not nearly as young as Sugar. She had a dark blue coat and a bubblegum pink mane. Her cutie mark was a large white star, surrounded by three smaller ones. The mare looked up to them, curious and terrified.

Sugar walked over and used her magic to remove the tape from her mouth. Sortilege started to speak, but was cut off by the filly.

"Don't say nuthin'. No begging. No pleading for us to let you go. Just shut up and listen. We have some questions for you." Sugar sat down and and looked Sortilege right in the eyes.

"First off: Why the fuck do you have a one hundred thousand bottlecap bounty on your head?"

Sortilege looked back at the filly. Her curiosity was dying down, being completely consumed by her fear.

"I...I...I don't...I...I.."

"Oh goddesses. I think she might be retarded, guys." Sugar said to her companions. She turned back to Sortilege. "Speak, bitch!"

Sortilege swallowed. "I...I don't know. I've never even been outside of my stable before."

"Well, that answers nothing." Scar said.

"Okay fine. Next question." Sugar thought for a moment, bringing her hoof to her mouth and biting on it. "Actually.. that's really the only question I had. Skitz, Scar, either of you have anything to add?"

Both mares shook their heads.

"Okay. Next order of business. Scar?"

The crimson Pegasus drew the sawed-off shotgun from her leg. Sugar grabbed it with her magic and pointed it towards Sortilege.

"Out here we refer to this thing as a kneecapper. If you try and run away from us, we're going to demonstrate how it acquired that name. Do you understand?"

The trembling Unicorn’s eyes widened in panic as she nodded feverishly.

"Good! Glad that's out of the way." The filly stood. "My name is Sugar and these are my friends, Skitz and Scarlet. We're gonna be your escort across the wasteland! If you play nice with us, we'll play nice with you."

By this time, fear had completely overcome Sortilege. She tried to respond but she couldn't seem think of anything to say. Finally, words made their way to the forefront of her mind and came tumbling out her mouth.

"I.. I'm Sortilege.. Sortilege H-H-Harmony."

"Well, I didn't ask and I don't care but it's nice to meet you, Sortilege H-H-Harmony. I'm just sure we're gonna be the bestest of best friends!" The filly replied sarcastically. "Now, I’ve had my mouth taped shut for hours on end before and I know how much it sucks so here's the deal. Don't annoy us and we keep the tape off of your mouth. Got it?"

Ever since Sortilege had been ripped from her stable, she had been silently praying that it was all some sort of terrible nightmare. The realization that her situation wasn't something she would ever wake up from finally struck her. The fear and sadness she felt overwhelmed her at that moment and she broke down crying once again.

She spoke aloud, the single thought that consumed her mind, "I want to go home."

"You don't have a home, sister." The filly replied cooly. "Stable twenty eight was wiped out."

Sortilege stared at the filly with a shocked expression, her eyes wide and mouth hanging open, "Wh-what?"

"Everypony you ever knew is dead."

With that, Sortilege broke down completely. She was no longer just crying. Now she was bawling her eyes out. The trio stared at her, expressionless, as she laid on the ground and wailed.

After a few moments, Scar finally spoke.

"Geez, Sugar. You didn't have to be such a bitch about it."

"The truth hurts Scar. I'm not gonna coddle her like a filly. My entire family was killed and you don't see me crying over it." The filly replied remorselessly. "Ponies die. No reason to be a pussy about it."

"You could have...eased her into it or something."

"Coulda, woulda, shoulda, Scar. Nothing we can do about it now. We need to get going though." She leaned down towards the wailing mare. "Hey Sorts. You gonna be much longer? We kinda got things to do."

At that moment, Skitz’s ears perked up. She turned her attention away from the group and stared out into the distance. The oblivious smile she typically wore had completely disappeared from her face. Now she was totally alert.

"What is it, Skitz?" Scar asked her.

"Someone's headed this way." The mare responded. She lifted her nose up and sniffed the air. "Ghouls. Coming in fast."

"Easy peasy, one, two, threesie." Sugar replied. "Just a couple of zombies. We could use them as target practice. Hell, you could probably just take care of them by yourself, Skitz."

Skitz shook her head. She closed her eyes and sniffed the air again.

"Gunpowder. They're armed."

Her ears moved as she listened for more clues.

"They're flying."

"What the fuck?" Sugar replied again. "Flying, armed ghouls? That sounds like the Rot Brigade. What the fuck do they want?"

"I'll go ask 'em." Scar said before taking off into the air in the direction.

Gunfire sounded seconds later and Scar flew back to her comrades.

"Apparently they want to shoot us."

"What the fuck? Why?"

"I didn't get a chance to ask."

At that very moment, the ghoul Pegasus gang known as the Rot Brigade touched down in front the group. The ghoul’s leader stepped forward to address them. He had formerly been a green coated pegasus. Now, most of his coat had fallen off. Patches of rotten, copper colored skin covered his body. His teeth had almost completely rotted away and only a few hairs on his short blonde mane remained. He wore a battle saddle sporting two assault rifles and his eyes were covered with a pair of sunglasses. He opened his mouth to speak.

Then Sortilege started screaming.

She had never seen a ghoul before and the sight finally sent her over the edge.

She was done.

She wanted out.

Somepony needed to wake her up from this nightmare.

She wanted to be home.

In her bed.

Cuddling with her teddy bear.

The ghoul said something but it was unintelligible over Sortilege’s shrieking. They waited patiently for Sortilege to calm down.

Finally she stopped, took in a deep breath..

...and started screaming again.

After a while, Sugar decided she'd had enough.

"Skitz, shut her up!"

The massive earth pony lightly bucked Sortilege in the head. Even a light buck from Skitz was enough to knock her out cold. She hadn't had a good night sleep since she was taken from the stable. She finally got the much needed rest she'd been praying for.

The leader of the pack of ghouls surrounding the mares cleared his throat. Then he smiled and spoke in a low, raspy voice.

"Sugar, Skitz, Scar! How's it goin' gals?"

Sugar was first to respond.

"Rotten Feathers. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Takin' pot shots at Scar.. I oughta put a bullet through your skull right fuckin' now!"

"Sugar! Baby! Calm down there toots. Maybe we got a little excited there for a moment but we're talking now so it's all good."

Sugar snorted. "Don't call me baby and don't tell me it's all good, you talking corpse! Answer my question! What the fuck are you doing here?"

The ghoul looked over to his ghoul colleagues and smiled. "Well Sugar, we're bounty hunters, so I guess we'd be collecting a bounty."

"No fucking way!" The filly shouted back at him.

"Yeah, Rotten. She's our prize." Scar added. "We got to her first!"

"No we didn't." Skitz said with a confused look on her face.

"Shut the fuck up, Skitz." Sugar retorted. "You can't have her Rotten. I suggest you beat it right now, before you really start to piss me off." The filly gave the ghoul the deadliest glare she could.

"No can do, Sugar. The bounty on that one there is too damn high to pass up. Now give her up, nice and easy like."

"A hundred thousand caps is chump change to you guys! We fuckin' need this! I'm only gonna tell you one last time to get the fuck out of here!" The enraged filly looked about ready to charge.

The ghouls all started laughing for some reason.

"A hundred thousand caps? Is that what you think she's worth? Well shit. Ain't that the funniest damned thing. Look at the facts, Sugar. You're outnumbered, you're outgunned and figuring on how we can fly and all, chances aren't looking too good for the three of ya. Now, I like you girls and all. But you ain't standing between me and the biggest payday of my life. Last chance. Give her up."

"Come and get her, you ugly fuck."

With that, Sugar drew her pink pistol and opened fire.

~O.o~

The town of Misery was in an uproar.

Word had gotten out about the fantastically large bounty on the stable dweller known as Sortilege Harmony. Every bounty hunter in Misery was racing to every shop, trying to acquire the best equipment they could before anypony else.

Ponies who had never taken a bounty hunting job in their lives were gearing up as well. The job was simply too good to pass up.

The town’s leader, Miserable May, was considering changing her name. The influx of bottlecaps into her town’s economy had been incredibly good for her.

That, coupled with the fact that the three ponies she hated most were undoubtedly deceased by now. It was almost enough to put a smile to her face. Almost.

There were only two ponies in Misery who weren't preparing to charge after the prize of a lifetime. Sandy and Rock sat at the bar of the Miserable Tavern. The two ghouls had lived in Misery for sometime now, and they did the same thing everyday.

Every morning they would wake up, come to the Miserable Tavern and drink.

All day long.

Every single day.

For two centuries the duo had traveled the wasteland together and had experienced the horrors of the great war up close and personal. They had been there. They saw the effects the war had had on their friends and families. They had thought that the bombs would be the end of it.

They were wrong.

The radioactive fallout brought on by the megaspells had returned them to life - if one could call it a life. After two hundred years, the ghouls had experienced just about everything the wasteland had to offer. They had experienced the diverse pleasures of the great city of Dise and had been up close and personal with the horrors of Hoofington.

After roaming the wasteland for centuries, the two ghouls had worked every sort of job imaginable and after two hundred years, they were exhausted.

So, the ghoul duo had decided to settle down in place most appropriately named for them. They had plenty of caps from their travels and liquor was cheap. Everypony else was heading off for the adventure of the century. The pair of ghouls simply sat and drank.

Sandy and Rock had known each other since before the end. They had been coworkers at the Ministry of Morale. Back then, Sandy had been the cheeriest pony you'd ever met. The only pony in Equestria to rival him in that regard was the leader of the Ministry herself.

In those days, he had existed to bring smiles and laughter to the face of everypony he encountered. He was always ready with a joke or a song - anything to make somepony’s day better. He joined the Ministry in order to bring smiles back to the inhabitants of Equestria. Smiles that had been destroyed by the war.

Something happened, though. Slowly and surely, everypony’s smiles went away.

He remained strong for as long as he could. Eventually, even his own smile faded.

The last time he had smiled had been right before the bombs fell. He had been sitting at his office overlooking Manehatten on that day. His good friend and coworker had just told him the funniest joke he had ever heard. It was the first joke he'd ever heard her tell. The strange mare had smiled less than anypony he knew. Even before the war, she rarely smiled.

When she told him that joke, he had laughed harder and smiled brighter than he ever had in his life.

Then there was a bright green flash and his smile was wiped away with the rest of the world.

The two ghouls sat at the bar. Normally at this time of day, the bar was packed to the brim with depressed ponies attempting to drown out their sorrows or mercenaries celebrating a job well done.

Today, however, there were only two patrons.

Even the bartender was gone.

They didn't mind much. They never talked to anypony else and nopony else ever talked to them. They helped themselves to the bars contents, drinking in complete silence. After two centuries, the pair had nothing left to say to each other.

They simply drank.

Then, somepony entered the bar. The ghouls didn't bother to check and see who it was. They didn't care. As the pony approached however, the two ghouls felt a familiar presence. The pony approaching them had a particular scent. They didn't have to turn around and look to identify him. They knew who it was.

They'd recognize that smell anywhere. It was the smell of gunsmoke.

Gunsmoke walked up to pair of ghouls and spoke, "Sandy. Rock. Long time no see."

Sandy was the first to respond. "Hiya Gunsmoke. Suppose it has been a while."

The pair never looked up from their drinks. They had been drinking for some time now but they were barely tipsy. It took a lot to get a ghoul drunk.

"I assume you've heard the news."

Gunsmoke propped himself up on the stool next to the ghoul duo.

"What news? The news about how Red Eye's going to rebuild Equestria?" Sandy rasped. "Or are you talking about DJPon3's latest broadcast about the caravans getting attacked by Pegacorns?"

"You know what news I'm talking about, Sandy."

"I suppose I do. What of it, Smoke? If you're asking for our help, forget it. We're done."

Sandy’s companion nodded before downing the rest of her glass.

"You might change your mind after hearing what I have to tell ya."

Gunsmoke recounted the meeting he had with the strange pony at Forb Mountain. As he spoke, the ghouls ceased their drinking. He had their full attention. The news he was bringing them was simply unbelievable.

Sandy knew it was true though. He could feel it in his tired old bones. He had always possessed a sort of extra sense, and right about now, that extra sense was going extra nuts.

His partner, however, was slightly more skeptical.

"That's impossible, Gunsmoke. Nopony is capable of pulling something like that off."

"You didn't see her, Rock. It was incredible. It was like meeting one of the Goddesses herself. If you saw what I did, you'd believe. Trust me."

The ghoul looked to her partner.

"Sandy? What do you think?"

For the first time since he could remember, Sandy started to feel something.

He couldn't quite place his hoof on what that feeling was, though.

Hope, maybe?

Excitement?

He had spent so much time attempting to drown any sort of feeling he had, that he'd forgotten what it was like to feel anything at all. Whatever the feeling was, he liked it.

"I think it sounds too good to be true, Rock. But something inside this old rotting body of mine tells me it is. And if I'm being honest, I'm a little tired of sitting here doing nothing but drink all day."

Rock nodded.

She had never been one to argue. She simply went along with whatever Sandy said. He was her friend and his sense had never steered them wrong.

"So what do we have to work with, Smoke?" Sandy inquired.

"I picked up a group of Talons from Shattered Hoof. I've worked with them all before. They're good. Reliable. But I've already had this job go wrong on me once. I need ponies I can trust. I need the best. I need the two of you."

Sandy and Rock looked at each other. What Gunsmoke had just told them was huge.

This could change the wasteland forever.

They sat there for a moment, trying to get a hold on the feelings they hadn't experienced in nearly two hundred years.

Finally, the ghouls nodded to each other. Sandy spoke, "You can count us in, Smoke."

"Good." Gunsmoke smiled. "I've missed you guys, ya know."

"We missed you too Smoke, By the way..."

Sandy reached around his back and produced a small plastic cylinder from seemingly nowhere.

Gunsmoke stared at it for the longest time with a bewildered expression on his face. Then Sandy bit down on the end and pulled.

There was a small pop and the cylinder sprayed confetti all over his face.

"Happy birthday."

Gunsmoke chuckled. "How the fuck did you know? And where'd you get a party popper?"

"I never forget a pony’s birthday, Smoke. And I always carry them with me. In case of party popper emergency."

Gunsmoke chuckled again before turning around and heading towards the tavern’s exit. The two ghouls followed him. As they walked, Sandy felt something strange begin to happen to his mouth. His companion turned and stared at him.

"Whats wrong?" She asked.

"I don't know. My mouth feels strange. I think..." The ghouls stepped outside. Sandy looked up towards the sky and spotted a small section of the cloud layer parting, allowing a single ray of sun to shine through.

"I think I'm smiling."

~O.o~

Sortilege woke up with the worst headache she had ever had in her life. She felt as if somepony had bucked her right in the head. It was bad enough that she thought about going to see the stable doctor. She'd always liked the stable’s doctor. He was so incredibly kind. She remembered once when she was filly, she had faked being sick just to trick him into giving her a lollipop. He saw right through her, but he didn't mind. He'd even played along. Despite the massive pain ringing through her skull, she took solace in the fact that that she'd get to visit the nice doctor. A lollipop sounded really nice right now.

Then Sortilege opened her eyes.

It all came rushing back to her. She wasn't in her stable. She was in a horrible place. Worse than any nightmare she had ever experienced. She remembered the ponies from before. Sortilege didn't have much experience with dead ponies. She had only seen a few in her life. Her parents had passed away when she was still young, and she remembered seeing their bodies. She recalled how still they were. They had looked so peaceful. Sortilege didn't see a dead pony again until she was taken from her stable. She had been horrified at the sight of her former captor’s mutilated corpses. She had almost passed out from the scene. She never knew a pony’s body held so much blood.

The next time she saw a dead pony was when she was traveling with her new captors. As she was surveying the wasteland, she saw a few skeletal remains. She distracted herself from her terrible situation by imagining the lives the ponies of the old world must have lead. She remembered seeing more dead ponies after that.

These were different, though. The bodies she had all seen in the past were all different but they shared one thing in common - they didn't move.

These dead ponies moved. They spoke. It was unnatural. She remembered seeing their rotted flesh. She remembered the utter horror she felt. She had never been so horrified in her life. She was unable to do anything to suppress her scream. The last thing she remembered was seeing a large hoof rapidly approaching her face.

That explained why she felt as if she had been bucked in the head.

She surveyed the surrounding area. It was littered with corpses. The dead ponies she remembered from before were now properly dead. Several of them had been set on fire and the smell of their burnt flesh lingered in the air. Others laid on the ground, discolored blood leaking from their bullet wounds. The remainder of them appeared to have been eviscerated. Only one remained alive.

He had been tied up and gagged and was lying on the ground over by the three mares who had taken her hostage.

They paid no attention to him.

Scar was pacing nervously back and forth. She had a cigarette in her mouth and a worried look in her eyes.

Skitz was lying on the ground, staring into the distance looking as oblivious as ever.

Sugar was seated on the ground directly beside the ghoul. She had donned a pair of broken reading glasses and was holding a piece of parchment in her front hooves.

She paid no attention to it. Instead, she looked straight ahead with a look of utter shock plastered on her face.

"One million caps..." The little filly said to no one in particular.

"This is bad, sir. This job is totally fucked." Scar said. She seemed incredibly upset.

"One million caps..." The filly repeated.

"We should get rid of her, sir. Abandon the mission. This is fucked. May screwed us over! Screwed us over big time, sir!"

"One million caps..." The filly said for the third time.

"Sir!" The pegasus mare rushed over to the filly, grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her dead in the eyes. "Are you listening to me?! We are in some serious trouble! We need to get out of here, right the fuck now!"

The filly didn't notice her partner at all. "One. Million. Caps..."

"Sir!" By now Scar was shouting at the top of her lungs. "We are not prepared to handle this situation! We need to abort this mission immediately, sir!"

The filly shook her head, snapping out of her daze. She finally acknowledged her distraught companion. She smiled widely.

"One million caps, Scar! We're gonna be fuckin' rich!"

"We're gonna be fuckin' dead! Every single bounty hunter in the wasteland is going to be coming for her! There's no way we can take them all on!"

The filly looked back at Scar. "One. Million. Caps." She smiled again.

"Stop saying that!" Scar cried out.

Sugar's excitement died down slightly. She walked over to their ghoul prisoner and removed the gag from his mouth. She shoved the parchment into his face with her magic.

"Where did you get this?"

"It's been sent out to every bounty office across Equestria. Everyone knows about it!"

Rotten Feathers had completely shed the cool demeanor he had previously possessed.

Sugar placed her hoof to her chin. "That might be a small problem..."

"A small problem?!" Scar screamed.

"Cool your tits, Scarlet. We can handle this. All we have to do is head back to Misery, hire a couple of griffons, rent a sky carriage and fly over to Forb Mountain. Easy peasy."

The filly cocked her head sideways as another thought entered her mind.

"We should probably stop by May's office real quick and pop a cap in her too."

"We can't go to Misery! It's the mercenary capital of this region!"

"Oh yeah..." Sugar ran her hoof across her chin in thought, smearing her face paint. "Well, shit. What do we do then?"

Scar pointed her hoof towards where Sortilege was sitting.

"We tie that bitch to a tree and leave her there! We go back to Misery and forget about this whole fuck up of a job."

Sugar’s expression changed from excited to deadly serious. She stared at her partner with a deadly glare.

"One million caps, Scarlet. That will set us up for life. We could move into Tenpony with that kind of money. I don't care who comes after us. I'll kill each and every one of them. Nothing is gonna stand between me and the score of a lifetime. Especially not you."

Scar glared back the filly. For several moments, the scene was silent. The Pegasus saw the determination in the filly’s eyes. Sugar believed every word she had spoke. Nothing short of a megaspell was going to stop her.

Finally, Scar gave in.

"Fine. You're right. We should at least give it a shot.” She sighed. “We need to come up with a plan though. We can't go back to Misery."

Skitz decided to weigh in on the discussion.

"What about Ditzy Doo?"

"Yeah!" Sugar's previous determination was replaced with excitement once again. "New Appleoosa isn't too far from here. That retarded Pegasus ghoul has a sky carriage. We could hire her."

"She might. She hates us, though." Scar replied.

"Everyone hates us, Scar." Sugar tilted her head back proudly. "They're all just jealous."

"I don't hate you." Rotten Feathers spoke.

The Pegasus ghoul struggled against the ropes binding his limbs together.

"Can I go now? These ropes are really uncomfortable."

"Hell no." The filly replied with venom in her voice. "You tried to kill us. You ain't gettin' off that easy."

"But I…-" Rotten began.

Sugar cut him off.

"No buts! This is the wasteland. You know the rules."

"Lets beat him to death!" Scar called out enthusiastically.

"Yeah! With bats!" Skitz chimed in.

She reached into her cloak and pulled out three old baseball bats. She gave one to each of her comrades.

The three approached the defenseless ghoul.

"Wait!" Sortilege called out.

She had thought it had been in her best interest to remain silent during the entire exchange but she could not sit idly by and allow the trio to continue their current course of disturbed action.

"You can't do that! He's unarmed! He's helpless! It's too cruel!"

The three mares stared at her with incomprehension.

Sugar spoke. "So?"

Sortilege stared back in bewilderment. "You can't possibly be that heartless..."

The trio stared back at her, then slowly turned to face the ghoul.

"Lets beat him with bats!" Sugar cried out enthusiastically.

"Woo!" Skitz and Scar called out simultaneously.

"Stop!"

They turned to face Sortilege again.

"What is wrong with the three of you? Where's your sense of compassion? Your sense of pity? Look at him!"

They looked back at the defenseless ghoul. He looked utterly terrified. The once proud leader of the Rot Brigade now laid on the ground trembling, staring at them with pleading eyes.

Sortilege stared at the pathetic looking creature she had previously been so terrified of. Now she felt nothing but pity for the ghoul.

The trio lowered their heads, contemplating. As they thought over their actions, Sortilege wondered if maybe, just maybe, there was some semblance of good still left in them.

"Please." She said. "I know you want to do the right thing.”

After a moment of silence Sugar finally spoke. She raised her bat high in the air with her magic.

"Lets beat him with bats!" She repeated.

"Woo!" Skitz and Scar called out in unison once again.

Sortilege could only watch in helpless horror as the trio viciously beat the ghoul to a bloody pulp.

She watched the scene before her as though it was a train wreck - horrifying but still finding herself compelled to watch for as long as she could endure. Sortilege finally looked away from the crazed ponies taking the life of another right before her eyes.

She began to lose any hope of making it out of this ordeal alive.

Chapter Three: Have a drink on me

"This town needs an enema!"

"And then I said 'Oatmeal are you crazy?' Then I shot him in the face!"

Sugar had been recounting stories of her previous exploits ever since the group had started moving again. Sortilege was following along behind. They had decided to let her walk, though she had a rope tied around her neck with the other end connected to Skitz. They warned her that if she tried to use her magic to escape, it would not end well for her.

It hardly mattered. She had been unable to use her magic since she had been taken from the Stable. All she could manage to do was produce a faint glow from her horn.

Sortilege had been desperately trying to ignore the terrible tales coming from Sugar's mouth. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. It was absolutely awful.

Throughout Sortilege's entire life, she had loved children. She had even been a teacher in her stable. Now, for the first time her life, she found herself feeling resentment, anger, annoyance and whole plethora of feelings she had never thought herself capable of directing towards a child.

It bothered her immensely.

"Okay so next story. I met this guy back at the Miserable tavern once. Seemed nice enough. Comes up starts talking to me. Telling me stories and shit. I was pretty bored so I didn't mind too much. Then the fucker makes a pass at me and I'm like 'Whoa dude! I'm a fucking kid!' And he goes 'Yeah that's what makes you so hot.' and I ain't having none of that shit. Like, I realize I'm pretty mature for my age but I only just got my cutie mark for fucks sake. Fucking pedophiles are worse than raiders in my book. So I whipped out my pistol and then..."

"Then you shot him in the face?" Scar finished for her.

Sugar looked at her companion, stunned. "How'd you know?"

"Because all of your stories end with you shooting someone in the face."

"Huh. I guess they do. Well on to the next story!"

“Why don't you give someone else a turn there Sugar?" Scar suggested.

"Okay fine." The filly pouted for a second before turning her head back to Skitz. "Hey Skitz, do you remember the time you head-butted that guy to death?" Sugar grinned back at her.

Skitz blinked in confusion. "Uhhhh kind of. It's a little fuzzy."

"Oh." Sugar thought for a brief moment. "Oh I got it! Skitz, tell Sorts about the time you beat that guy to death with his own arm!"

Skitz turned back to Sortilege and smiled.

"This one time...I beat a guy to death with his own arm."

Sortilege raised her eyebrow.

Sugar laughed. "I love that story! You have a gift for storytelling Skitz."

"Thanks." Skitz replied with that same familiar smile.

The group was silent for a while after that. Trudging along through the wasteland. Things had been pretty quiet since the run in with the Rot Brigade.

There had been a couple interesting encounters. Sortilege had become acquainted with some the wildlife inhabiting the Wasteland. Several times the group had been attacked by feral dogs. Sortilege had read about dogs before. In books they were always depicted as cute and friendly. These dogs were anything but cute and friendly. They were mangy, filthy and vicious.

Sortilege decided she hated dogs.

They were also attacked by bugs. Sortilege had been almost as terrified at the sight of her first bloatsprite as she had been of the Ghouls. It was absolutely the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. Her entourage barely even flinched at them. Neither did they bother wasting any ammunition on them.

Skitz took them out with a crossbow she kept in her cloak. Sortilege wondered just how much she was carrying in there. She also noticed that Skitz would stop and pick up anything in her path. From old, broken weapons lying near some skeletal pony remains to random bent tin cans. She'd pick them up and put them somewhere inside her cloak. Whenever Sugar caught her doing so she would scold Skitz as if their roles were reverses and Skitz were the filly in the group instead of her. The filly’s words didn't seem to disturb Skitz at all. She merely smiled and did as she was told.

Despite all the random items she seemed to be carrying, including the filly’s flamer that she made her companion hold, Skitz never seemed to slow down.

Meanwhile, Sortilege was having a hard time keeping up. She had never walked so much in her life. She was tired, hungry and thirsty. She was too terrified to say anything though.

After watching what they had done to the Ghoul, she did not want to risk antagonizing her captors in anyway. She thought it'd be best to just remain quiet until they reached their destination.

Maybe when they arrived, she'd finally be allowed some rest.

After a long time of silence, and no mutated insects or feral dog attacks, Sugar finally spoke again.

"Hey Sorts. What's Stable life like?"

It took Sortilege a moment to realize the filly had been addressing her. She had been trying hard not to think about her Stable. Putting it in the back of her mind. She felt tears welling up in her eyes at the mention of it. After a minute or two she answered.

"It was nice. I miss it."

"That's all you're gonna give me? Okay fine. Next question... What's it feel like knowing everypony you ever knew is dead?”

Sortilege stared back at the filly in shock. Then she started bawling once again.

"What the fuck Sugar?! What kind of question is that!?" Scar reprimanded her partner.

"What? What did I do?" The filly seemed genuinely confused.

“You don't just ask things like that! Now look at her! She's a mess!"

"I've never met somepony who's lost everything like that before! I wanted to know what was going through her mind!" Sugar shouted back at her partner. "I was making conversation! Trying to get to know her better! I was being polite!"

"You have the most fucked up idea of polite I've ever heard!" Scar yelled back.

The conversation was cut short by Skitz, who at that moment stopped dead in her tracks. She dropped her oblivious look again and went on high alert. Sugar and Scar both gave worried looks to their companion.

"What is Skitz? More hunters?" Scar asked.

Skitz tilted her head back and sniffed the air. She shook her head.

"More Ghouls."

Her ears moved around, searching for more clues. She heard raspy growls off in the distance.

"They're feral."

"Oh goodie!" Sugar hopped up and down excitedly. "Quick! Give me the flamer."

Skitz unslung the enormous weapon. Sugar levitated it up in her magic with glee. The look on the little filly’s face was made all the more terrifying by the skull shaped face paint she still wore.

"No! No! Oh fuck no!" Scar yelled down at Sugar as the filly spotted the group of rapidly approaching Ghouls.

Sugar ignored the older mare. She pointed the weapon in Ghouls direction.

She waited.

She could barely contain her excitement. The corners of her mouth ached slightly from smiling so wide.

"Yes. "Yes." The first Ghoul came running forward. He snarled and spat as he ran.

Sortilege trembled. These Ghouls were even worse than the ones before.

Sugar triggered the weapon. A rush of flames spat out of the end, igniting the unfortunate Ghoul.

"Oh fuck yes!" The filly cried.

She started to sway the weapon across the Ghoul herd. Each and every one of them was set ablaze. She laughed. She was having the time of her life!

Then the group noticed that the Ghouls hadn't slowed down at all. They were still running towards them at full speed...and now they were on fire.

Sugar's excitement died down immediately.

"Oh shit."

Scar took to the air before the first flaming Ghoul was on her. She dove by, firing the battle saddle and taking several of them down with well placed shots. A few were able get through.

One ran towards Sugar, who reacted just in time. Right before the blazing Ghoul attacked, she drew her pink pistol and blasted it right between the eyes. It's momentum kept it moving forward and Sugar was barely able to dodge out of the way before the flaming corpse fell on top of her.

The remaining three barreled towards Skitz and Sortilege.

Sortilege was sure that she was facing her very last moment. Her only small comfort was that she no longer needed to use the bathroom. She stood there, petrified, at the sight of the three flaming, rotting ponies racing towards her. She figured being devoured by three corpse like, demonic looking creatures was a fitting end to her brief travels through, what she believed to be, hell incarnate.

Three gunshots rang out and the Ghouls dropped dead. Sortilege looked over to Skitz, who held a still smoking revolver in her mouth.

With all the Ghouls dead, Scarlet landed and Sugar walked over to rejoin the group.

Scar glared down at the filly.

"What?"

"Don't you fuckin' say what to me!" The Pegasus shouted. "We're getting rid of that stupid fucking flamer!"

Sugar coddled the weapon in her hooves protectively.

"No! You can't! He's my friend!"

"Your friend almost got us roasted!"

"You're not laying a hoof on Smokey!" She pulled away from Scar.

"You named it!?"

"Yes I did! He's my Smokey and you're not gonna do diddly squat to him!" She shot Scar a defiant look.

"I fucking hate that thing!"

At that moment, Sortilege once again felt herself losing it. She couldn't take any more. She hated everything. She hated gross, mangy, vicious feral dogs. She hated sick, disgusting bloatsprites. She hated Ghouls. She hated her captors. She hated the wasteland. She collapsed to the dirt covered ground, which she also hated, and sobbed.

"I want to go home!" She screamed. "I want to go back to my Stable!"

Sugar rolled her eyes. "Not again! Skitz, bust out the tape. I ain't listening to this shit."

"No." Scarlet glared down at the filly.

She removed her sunglasses and her combat helmet. She walked over to where Sortilege was crying and leaned over to face her. She smiled.

"Hey."

Sortilege looked up. She sniffed and wiped away the snot that had bubbled up from her nose. She looked into the Pegasus's eyes. They were red. Just like the rest of her. She'd never seen a pony so...red. She'd never seen a pony like her before at all. Scar looked back at her with a gentle expression. Her face was the most welcome sight Sortilege had laid her eyes on in what felt like an eternity.

"Hi." Was all Sortilege managed to get out.

"I know you're going through a rough time right now. I'm sorry for what we're putting you through. I really am. But me an' the girls gotta make a living somehow ya know? I wish we had got to your Stable first. We wouldn't have been nearly as rough..."

"Yeah we would have..." Skitz chimed in.

"Shut the fuck up, Skitz!" Scar shot a mean glare at the Earth pony before looking back at Sortilege and smiling again.

"I know you're going through a lot but we need to start moving soon or more scary things are going to come after us, understand?"

Sortilege nodded. She sobbed a little more before speaking. "I just want to go home."

"I feel for you sis. I really do. But you can't go home. The only way you're gonna make it out of this okay is if you stick with us. C'mon." She nudged Sortilege slightly. “When we get to Appleloosa, I'll buy you a drink and we can sit and chat for a while and you can have some time to relax. Sound good?"

Sortilege nodded and shakily got back on her hooves. Scar then proceeded to remove the makeshift leash tied around Sortilege's neck.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Sugar cried in alarm. "If you take that off she's gonna run away!"

"She's not going anywhere Sugar. Where is she gonna run to? She has nowhere else to go and there's no way she'll last out there on her own. We're all she has right now."

Sortilege gazed at the kind Pegasus. In that moment she felt like she was the only pony in the world she could trust.

"Well fine." Sugar replied grumpily. "But I'm not happy about it! If she tries to run, I'm puttin' a chunk of lead in her ass!" She faced Sortilege. "You got that toots?"

Sortilege nodded vigorously.

"Good. Now let's hurry the fuck up! I'm sick of fighting off fuckin' wild animals and this damn body paint is getting all hot and itchy. I need to get this shit off of me pronto."She itched at her face, smearing her white face paint all around so it hardly resembled a skull anymore. "Why the fuck did you get me this Scar?!"

"It was a gift you ungrateful little bitch!" Scar instantaneously shed her gentle demeanor. "You loved it!"

"Yeah well I don't love it anymore! Now shut the fuck up!" She turned to Skitz. "Skitz go check the Ghouls. They always have a couple caps on 'em for some reason. Then let's get a fuckin' move on!"

The group resumed their journey.

Sortilege was still scared, depressed and tired. She still hated everything. She still wanted to go home and she still cried.

She did feel slightly better than before though. She gazed at the red Pegasus as they walked along and through her tears, felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth.

~O.o~

For the remainder of the trip, things remained relatively quiet.

Sugar and Scar weren't talking to each other.

Skitz remained silent as usual and Sortilege was too upset to say anything. She had tried using her magic a couple times. She was able to get a rock to move slightly using her levitation spell. Her magic was slowly but surely coming back to her. She didn't know what good it would do her. Scar had been right. There would be no point in trying to run. She would die on her own in the wasteland.

The trio accompanying her was her only hope at survival.

Sortilege wondered about her fate. Who was it that had placed such an enormous bounty on her? What did they want her for? How did they even know about her? Sortilege had never even left her stable. Maybe she had been taken by mistake? Maybe they had the wrong stable pony? She asked herself these questions over and over again. She couldn't come up with a single answer.

It was driving her crazy. It was all she could do however to keep her mind off of her Stable's terrible fate.

She couldn't distract herself forever. Soon she found herself thinking back to it. To all the ponies she had grown up with. She may not have had any close friends but that never bothered her. She had lost her parents at a very young age and practically everypony in the stable had raised her. She remembered the kind faces of the ponies she had lived her entire life with.

The kind doctor who had humored her when she faked illness to get lollipops. The sweet old mare who had baked her cookies.

Her school teacher who had taught her all about the joys of reading and magic. She had been inspired by that teacher. She had been like a second mother to Sortilege. When she retired Sortilege took her place as the Stable's resident teacher. She remembered the smiling faces of all the children under her care.

They would never smile again.

Sortilege wanted to cry, but she had no more tears left. She was tired and she was thirsty. She was sick of walking. She was sick of silence. She finally decided to break it. She wanted some water. Surely that wouldn't be too much to ask for. She trotted up to the red Pegasus, the only one of the three she felt any real connection to. She opened her mouth to speak. But Scarlet spoke first.

"We're here."

Sortilege looked ahead. New Appleoosa was directly ahead of them. Multiple lines of what Sortilege realized were railroad tracks converged into a town made up largely of dozens upon dozens of virtually identical homes built from old passenger cars, many of them stacked two or three high. Most still had their wheels. Heavy metal boxcars formed a ring around the town, with a massive gate on either side. Armed pony guards walked around the tops of the boxcars, keeping their eyes on the wastes outside. Inside, scores of Earth and Unicorn ponies trotted about their daily lives. The place was dirty, rusty and altogether...awful.

The group headed inside the town. As they made their way down the street Sortilege noticed all the ponies walking around enjoying their day. She envied them. They had lives. They were free from the terrible, awful, misery that was the Equestrian wasteland. The small town reminded her of her Stable.

The group stopped in front of the towns general store. The sign above the store read in big, blocky letters: 'Absolutely Everything.'

The group entered the store. Inside, a Pegasus Ghoul was busy dusting shelves with a feather duster in her mouth. Her grey coat was in patches all over her body. Her mane consisted of only a few remaining strands of yellow hair.

Upon hearing ponies enter her store, the Ghoul turned around and smiled. One of her glazed eyes pointed off in a random direction.

Sortilege giggled. The Ghouls seemingly friendly disposition was a welcome sight to her. Maybe they weren't all so bad.

The Ghouls smile quickly disappeared once she noticed who it was that had just entered her establishment. She glared at the group then turned and walked over to the counter at the front of the store. She picked up a piece of chalk in her mouth and scribbled something on a chalkboard sitting on the counter. She then turned around and displayed said chalkboard to the group.

"Get out." Was all it read.

"Hiya Derpy!" Sugar said cheerfully as she walked further into the store.

The Ghoul flipped the board over and wrote some more.

She turned it around once again. "Get out now."

"Awww don't be that way. I thought we worked out all of our issues?"

The Ghoul glared down at the filly. Then to her companions. She rubbed her hoof against the chalkboard and proceeded to write down a new message.

"What do you want?" It said.

"We need to hire you. You do deliveries right? That's what the sign outside says. We want to hire you for a delivery job!" Sugar smiled up brightly at the Ghoul.

She immediately erased the board again and jotted down a new message.

‘No’

"Awww c'mon Derpy!"

The Ghoul continued her glare.

"I mean...uhhh...Ditzy. Please! We're desperate! We can literally pay you anything!"

The Ghoul raised an eyebrow at that statement.

Sugar motioned over to where Sortilege was standing.

"See this chick? She's worth a lot of caps. A LOT of caps. We just need to bring her over to Forb mountain and drop her off to collect our payment. We'll be swimming in caps!"

Ditzy looked to where Sortilege stood and the two made eye contact. The sensation of terror that had accompanied all of Sortilege’s previous experiences with Ghouls was completely absent. Even though she was grouchy due to having three of the most unlikable mares in the wasteland enter her store, her eyes still held that same welcomeness they had before.

Ditzy walked over to the shelf and pulled something off of it. She then proceeded to give the item to Sortilege. Sortilege held it in her front hooves.

It was a book. 'The Wasteland Survival Guide - By Ditzy Doo' was emblazoned on the cover.

Sortilege was at a loss for words. Maybe there was just something inside Pegasus ponies that made them inherently kind. Ditzy smiled at Sortilege. Sortilege smiled back and finally found words applicable to the situation.

"Thank you."

Ditzy nodded, then proceeded to trot back over to the counter and write a new message on her chalk board. She picked it up and turned it to the group. "Not interested. Go away."

"C'mon Ditzy! You're killing us!" Sugar cried.

"Yeah Ditz, Pretty please." Scar chimed in.

She picked up Sugar and placed her on Ditzy Doo's counter.

"With Sugar on top?"

Ditzy was not amused. She continued glaring at the trio. She briefly shot a concerned, wall eyed expression to Sortilege before returning to staring the trio down with a hard expression. She tapped on her chalk board, driving her point home.

"Fine." Sugar pouted. "But you're missing out on the chance of a lifetime here Ghoulie!"

Ditzy responded by pointing her hoof to the part of the board that read "Not interested."

Sugar let out a low, frustrated growl.

"Can I least use your bathroom? I want to wash off this stupid body paint."

The Ghoul continued glaring at the filly.

Then she rolled her eyes (Which considering their nature , was quite a bizarre sight), then proceeded to write a new message on her chalk board. "First door on your right."

She pointed her hoof towards the back of her store.

"Thank you." The angry little filly replied, without a hint of sincerity in her voice.

Sugar walked off to clean up. The rest of the group remained behind. An awkward silence hung in the air.

Scar ran her hoof sheepishly up and down her opposite leg. She hung her head down low. She looked ashamed and maybe even slightly embarrassed.

"Yeah." She began awkwardly. "Sorry about before Ditz'."

Ditzy frowned back at Scar.

"I mean, all the bounty notice said was 'Ghoul Pegasus.' It wasn't exactly specific." Scar said with a shrug, the embarrassment still plastered on her face. "Granted...we probably should have done a little more research on our part..."

Ditzy continued to frown.

Scar's expression changed from embarrassed, to looking genuinely apologetic. "We really are sorry Ditzy. Well...at least Skitz and I are. Right Skitz?"

"Uhhhhh...yeah." Skitz replied. She seemed far more confused than apologetic. She hadn't been paying any attention to the conversation.

Scar frowned at Skitz. "Well...I'm sorry at least." She said before turning back to Ditzy and reaching her hoof out towards the Ghoul. "Will you accept my apology Ditz'?"

The wall eyed Ghoul stared at the outstretched hoof skeptically for a moment. After a while though, she smiled. She grabbed Scar's hoof and pulled her in for a a big squishy hug. Afterwards she picked up her chalkboard again and wrote a new message. She held up the chalkboard in her mouth.

'Still not helping.' It read

The Ghoul smiled widely at the group.

"Yeah. Figured." Scar replied.

At that moment, Sugar returned. She was back to her original sandy color. Her yellow mane was dripping wet.

Sortilege wasn’t sure what she was expecting the filly to actually look like under all that makeup, but it wasn't the shaded tan that Sugar appeared to now be. Granted, the filly’s soaked mane looked like a mess. With a little bit of maintenance, Sugar could actually look like an normal, cute little filly. This thought surprised Sortilege to think about. Especially after hearing all her ‘shooting ponies in the face’ stories on their travel to New Appleoosa. It was hard to believe that she didn’t look like a little monster.

Sugar shook her head violently, flinging water all over the rest of the stores inhabitants.

She smiled.

"Whoops."

The only pony who didn't seem to mind being soaked by the filly's antics was Skitz. The rest glared down at Sugar with annoyed expressions. Sugar didn't seem to care. She walked over to one of the store's shelves and began browsing.

"Hey Derpy. Do you happen to have any flamer fuel?"

"You're not spending any more of our caps on that stupid fucking thing!" Scar shouted.

Sugar ignored her completely, keeping her attention on Ditzy Doo.

"Well?"

Ditzy walked behind the store counter, reached down and pulled out a canister.

Then proceeded to pick up her board and write out a new message.

‘300 caps’ It read.

"Three hundred caps for one canister?!" The little filly was outraged. "That's fucking ridiculous!"

Ditzy erased the board and wrote out a new response.

‘400 caps.’

"Fuck you Derpy!" Sugar turned to her companions. "Lets get out of here girls. It fucking reeks in this place."

She turned back to Ditzy again and stuck her tongue at the Ghoul.

Ditzy rolled her eyes again.

As the group moved out, Scar gave Ditzy a friendly wave and which Ditzy returned. Skitz also smiled and waved at the Ghoul which she returned with a much more awkward expression on her face. Sortilege was the last one out. She waved good bye to the friendly Ghoul and Ditzy waved back with a smile on her face, and a sorrowful look in her mismatched eyes.

~O.o~

"Well fuck. What do we do now?"

Sugar said as the group made their way down the streets of New Appleoosa. Every pony in the town gave the group plenty of space.

Apparently they were well known in these parts.

"I think now we relax for a bit." Scar replied. "We're all tired and cranky. We should find a place to rest and come up with a plan. Besides, I owe Sortilege a drink."

Sortilege looked over to the kind Pegasus mare and smiled. Scar smiled back. They shared a silent understanding between themselves.

The pleasant moment was cut short by Sugar.

"I fucking hate that retarded Ghoul. Okay then. Skitz and I will go look for a place to stay. You and Sorts head over to the Turnpike Tavern and do...whatever."

"As you wish your highness." Scar replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Don't start with me Scar. I'm not in the mood."

The group parted ways.

Scar and Sortilege made their way over to the town's local bar. The day was at an end and the establishment All the townsfolk were making there way over to wind down and enjoy a drink. The proprietor of the tavern, Apple Whiskey, was busy serving drinks when he noticed Scar and Sortilege enter. His cheery disposition immediately changed when he saw Scar. The two walked over to the bar and sat down.

Apple Whiskey glared over at Scar.

"Get out.”

"C'mon Whiskey. You're not still upset about last time are ya?"

The look on his face made it obvious that he was.

"I just came here to get a drink with my new friend."

Sortilege was taken by surprise with that statement. She didn't know Scarlet considered them friends. She had mixed feelings about it. On one side, Scarlet was perhaps the nicest pony Sortilege had met in the wasteland besides Ditzy Doo. On the other hoof, Sortilege was technically her prisoner.

As strange as it was, the statement still brought a smile to her face.

Apple Whiskey rolled his eyes and sighed.

"What will it be?" He asked.

"A couple of your specials please."

Sortilege watched as the Unicorn stallion set two golden apples on the counter and proceeded to use his magic on them. There were two tiny flashes and the apples disappeared and were replaced by two bottles of apple whiskey.

"Neat trick." Sortilege quipped.

She took one of the bottles in her hooves. She lifted it to her nose and took a quick whiff. It smelled awful. She took a sip. It didn't taste any better. She'd never had alcohol before. She didn't think she would be picking up the habit.

Scar picked up the bottle and downed it's contents in one swig. She ordered another one immediately afterwards. Sortilege could tell Scar was a veteran at this sort of thing. Her eyes lingered on the Pegasus for the longest time.She still didn't know what to make of her. She had called Sortilege a friend, but at the same time she planned on selling her to some mysterious figure for a million caps. She didn't seem greedy. Sugar was the greedy one in the group. As Sortilege gazed at her mysterious companion, her eyes wandered over to the large scar on her right cheek. She still wondered how anypony could do such a thing to such a kind and beautiful mare.

"Go ahead. Ask." Scarlet said as if she had read Sortilege's mind.

She never looked up from, what was now, her third bottle of whiskey.

"Ask what?" Sortilege questioned, surprised at the Pegasus's apparent ability to read minds.

"You're staring at my scar. You want to know how I got it. Go ahead and ask. I'm not shy."

Sortilege's eyes lingered on Scarlet's face for a moment longer before she finally spoke.

"How did you get it?"

She picked up her bottle and took another, slightly larger drink.

"Eatin' pussy."

Sortilege choked on the foul liquid.

Scar burst out laughing. She patted Sortilege on the back a couple times before her laughter finally died down and she elaborated.

"When I first came down to the wasteland I hooked up with this griffon chick. Thing's got a little rough I suppose. She ended up giving me this." She pointed to the massive scar on her face. "Doesn't bug me really. Looks pretty badass, don'tcha think?"

"Yeah I guess." Sortilege coughed again, expelling the remaining alcohol from her lungs.

She pushed the bottle of apple whiskey away from her. She didn't think she'd be finishing it any time soon.

"This one though." Scar turned her head so Sortilege could see the other side of her face. She pointed to her other, much smaller scar, right above her left eyebrow. "This one's another story entirely. This one hurt. Hurt in a lot of different ways. This one..." She turned away again and dropped her head. Her ears drooped and her expression changed from one of laughter to one of sorrow. "This one is the one I don't like talking about very much. Bad memories."

That didn't answer very many of Sortilege's questions. In fact, it had made more of them.

The two sat at the bar quietly for a while. Sortilege let Scar finish the rest of her drink and ordered a glass of water for herself. After her fifth bottle, Scar turned to Sortilege and brought up an entirely new topic.

"So..." She began. "Skitz and Sugar are getting us a place to stay for the night. What do you say you and I cut our expenses a little and...share a room together?"

The implications of Scar's request sailed right over the young Unicorns head. She smiled innocently.

"Sure. That sounds nice."

It would be much better than rooming with the oblivious Earth pony or that psychotic filly.

"Yeah? Sure would be a great opportunity to...get to know each other better."

A devious, wicked looking grin crept onto Scar's face.

That comment combined with the look on Scar's face and the tone in her voice, made Sortilege slightly uneasy.

"It would be. I suppose." She replied, suspicion creeping into her voice.

"I hope you're not too tired though." Scar continued. She kept her voice low and seductive. "We won't be getting too much sleep."

"What do you mean?" Sortilege asked, still not quite comprehending the meaning behind Scar's words.

Scar's look changed from a seductive smile to a slightly frustrated frown.

"You're not really picking up what I'm lying down are ya?"

"Uhhhh...not really." Sortilege replied.

"Sex. I want to have sex. With you. Tonight." Scar said bluntly.

The devious smile from before returned to her face.

"What!? No!" Sortilege said in absolute shock.

Scar's smile disappeared and it was replaced by a look of utter offense.

"I mean...you're nice and all but I'm just not attracted to you."

Scar's jaw dropped open, increasing her offended look.

"I mean you're very pretty..." Sortilege continued "I think you’re beautiful! But it's more like...admiration I guess. I admire your looks! I’m just...not gay."

Now it was Scar's turn to look confused.

"Not gay? What do you mean you're not gay?"

"I don't know how I could put that any more clear." Sortilege replied with confusion returning to her face.

"Everypony's a little gay."

"Not me. It's not that I don't like you or anything. You've been really nice to me. I'm just not into mares." She smiled sweetly as she came up with the perfect response. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

"Like I haven’t heard that one a million times. Fine then. You can share a room with Sugar."

Scar laid her head on the bar counter and began pouting.

The two sat there in the most awkward silence Sortilege had ever experience in her life. Scar ordered a couple more apple whiskeys. Sortilege sipped her water and felt a depression, that she had only just began to feel upon her entering into the wasteland, start to rear it's ugly head once again.

Just when she thought she had made a friend…

The silence was broken by the arrival of Sugar and Skitz who joined them at the bar. Both of them at least seemed to be in good moods. Sugar propped herself on the bar stool. Apple Whiskey gave her an even more harsh look than he gave Scar.

She stuck her tongue out at him and ordered two more glasses of water for herself and Skitz. She then noticed the drunk and depressed state Scarlet was in.

"What's got you looking so gloomy?

"I don't wanna talk about it."

She took a drink of her seventh bottle of apple whiskey.

Sugar turned to Sortilege.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Yeah sure you didn't." The filly replied with a glare. "Bitch." She then turned her attention back to Scar. "Skitz and I got a few rooms at the local inn. It's gonna eat up the rest of our caps but at least we'll be able to rest and come up with some sort-a plan."

"Cool." The Pegasus replied unenthusiastically.

The situation had become far too uncomfortable for Sortilege to handle. She excused herself to the restroom. As she crossed the bar she noticed one of the other patrons was also a Pegasus. A stallion with a rust colored coat and bright orange mane. He wore a black desperado style hat and interestingly enough, sported a cute mark identical to Scarlet's. He seemed to be on his way out and as he made his way towards the door, another pony opened it allowing a small gust of wind to come rushing in. The wind knocked his desperado hat off of his head and carried it across the room where it landed right at the base of Sortilege's hooves.

She levitated it up in her magic and walked over to the stallion. She placed the hat back on his head and said in a playful, singsong tone. "Now ya owe me!" She smiled at him and he smiled back before tipping his hat and nodding in appreciation. He then proceeded to exit the tavern.

As Sortilege made her way to the restroom a realization struck her.

She had just levitated that hat.

Her magic had finally returned!

Upon entering the bathroom, she stopped in front of a mirror and looked over herself. She looked awful. She dark blue coat was caked in dirt. Her stable Twenty-eight utility barding was filthy and her bubblegum pink hair was a total mess. She wondered why Scar had even bothered to proposition her in the first place!

She concentrated on her horn. There was a flash and all the dirt and grime embedded in her coat disappeared. Her utility barding now looked like it had just been washed and her pink mane was now styled and tied back in a ponytail just how she liked it. Sortilege smiled.

"I love magic." She said to herself. Then she entered a bathroom stall and put up a sound dampening spell to drown out the noise coming out from outside the bathroom. She was in desperate need of some quiet time.

~O.o~

While Sortilege was busying gathering her thoughts together in the bathroom, her trio of captors were sitting at the bar of the Turnpike tavern, discussing various things amongst themselves.

Sugar was venting her frustration to Skitz. She went over how she wished all sorts of terrible, horrible, miserable things to happen to happen to Ditzy Doo. She mentioned how she would personally rip out the Ghoul’s tongue if somepony hadn't beaten her to the punch. Skitz sat silently listening, with a smile on her face. She wasn't really paying attention to Sugar and Sugar knew that.

Skitz lived inside her own little world most of the time.

Sugar just needed somepony to vent to and Scar wasn't exactly in a listening sort of mood. She sat at the bar looking miserable while nursing her tenth bottle of apple whiskey.

"I fucking hate that bitch. I hope her stupid little store goes up in flames! I hope she get's taken by raiders and they rip her wings off!"

"Yeah." Every once in a while Skitz would chime in. She never said anything more than a single word of agreement.

"Dumb bitch. Just who the hell does she think she is?"

"Yeah."

"Next time I see a copy of her stupid survival guide, I'm gonna tear it to pieces just to spite her!"

“Yeah."

"That stupid, rotten, cross eyed, retarded Ghoul is gonna get hers. Just you wait. When we finish this job we'll be the richest ponies around. Then I'm gonna buy her shop from her and make her watch as I torch it to the ground."

"Yeah."

"Just let it go Sugar. You two are giving me a headache." Scar said.

She was still sulking at the bar. The crimson mare didn't handle rejection very well. Out of the three, she was the only one drinking anything other than water. She was now on her twelfth drink which she had barely touched. She was at the point where she was too drunk, and depressed to actually do anything beside sit on the stool and mope.

"What the fuck has got you so down?" Sugar replied in a tone that implied she was more annoyed than concerned about her friends feelings.

"Yeah." Skitz repeated.

"I'm sick of it." Scar said, resting her head on the counter. "I'm sick of these stupid fucking jobs. Sick of the stupid fucking wasteland. Sick of stupid, cute ponies who wouldn't even give me the time of day let alone fuck me. Sick of my stupid fucking life."

"Then go put a bullet in your brain or something. Just stop sucking the fun out of the evening." Said Sugar.

"Yeah." Skitz repeated, yet again.

"You're a little cunt, you know that?" Scar retorted.

"So I've been told." Sugar said, with just a hint of pride in her voice. "Welcome to the real world Scar. Where ya gotta do things you don't like, with ponies you don't like, in a world you don't like. Can't handle it?" Sugar levitated the pink ten millimeter pistol out of her saddle bag and slid it down the bar to Scarlet. "There's your way out."

"I'm a Pegasus. How am I even supposed to shoot myself with this?"

"Here, let me help you." The little Unicorn began to levitate the gun off of the bar but Scarlet pinned it down with her hoof.

"Cut it out Sugar!"

"Hey let go! I'm trying to do you a favor! I'm being nice!"

"Only you would consider something like helping her friend kill herself nice! You're the most fucked up little filly in all of Equestria!"

While the two wrestled over the pistol, Skitz sat silently in between them. She made no effort to stop either of them or involve herself in any way. Instead she focused her attention on Apple Whiskey, who had been watching in bewilderment as the bizarre scene unfold. After a bit, he noticed Skitz staring at him.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

Skitz smiled back at him.

"No. I'm good." She replied with a small shake of her head.

"...Ooookay." Apple Whiskey watched the three strange mares for a moment longer before moving on to help out another customer.

As the the trio sat there, arguing amongst themselves, several of the other bar patrons stared at them. They began whispering to each other. Several of them pulled out pieces of parchment or checked saved data on their pipbucks.

The three female bounty hunters continued on, unaware that half the bar was studying them intensely. Eventually, the other inhabitants began to move.

One of them, a Unicorn, began to slowly creep up behind the unsuspecting trio. He moved, slowly, silently. He unsheathed the combat knife he had tucked away in his leather barding. When he was in range, he struck.

He plunged the knife deep into the back of the large grey Earth pony mare seated in the center of the group.

The entire tavern went silent.

Sugar and Scar immediately ceased their argument. They both leaned back in their chairs and stared at the object now embedded in their friends backside.

Skitz’s ears perked up and she peered over the shoulder to look at the knife. The three sat there, gazing at the knife in confusion for a moment before slowly turning to stare at the attacker who sported an equally confused look.

It was Skitz who finally broke the silence

"Ow." She said as if she had merely stubbed her hoof rather than been impaled with a knife.

The Unicorn stallion’s look changed from confused to horrified as he realized his attack had done little more than irritate her.

Skitz stood before she lashed out with her rear hooves. Her buck connected with the stallion’s face and sent him flying across the bar, crashing into the far wall.

At that moment, all hell broke loose.

The patrons who had been studying the trio leaped to their hooves and drew their weapons while every other pony dashed out the door.

Sugar, Skitz and Scar followed suit.

Sugar unslung her automatic rifle. Scar kicked the loading bar on her battle saddle and Skitz reached into her cloak and pulled out a small submachine gun. The trio and their aggressors faced off in silent tension.

Apple Whiskey stood in the corner, watching helplessly as the scene unfolded.

Sugar spoke. "What the fuck is going on?"

One of the patrons responded.

"That gal in the bathroom. She's that stable pony with the million cap bounty on her ain't she?"

"Maybe she is. So what?"

"So give her up nice and easy and you three might just make it out of here alive.”

Sugar scoffed. "I don't think so. She's our prisoner. You want her? You're gonna have to go through us."

"No problem." The same stallion replied.

That's when the shooting started.

Apple Whiskey dove for cover behind the bar as bullets ripped through the air of his establishment.

Scar took to the air and open fired. As drunk as she was, her aim was a little off but she still managed to drop a few of the ponies currently firing at her. She moved through the air, gracefully dodging the hail of gunfire directed at her. Skitz dove to the side and began firing with her submachine gun, ripping into the attacker closest to her. He fell to ground and she raced towards him, catching his limp body as he fell. She rose up on her rear legs, using the dead stallion as a shield as she returned fire to her attackers.

Sugar back flipped behind the bar and used her magic to raise her rifle over the counter and fired blindly the direction of her enemy.

Apple Whiskey kept his head down and began yelling at the filly.

"You little bitch! I should have never let you three in here! I knew this was gonna happen!"

"Shut the fuck up!" The filly replied as her gun clicked empty.

She brought it down to her and pulled a fresh magazine from her saddle bag.

"You're paying for all of the damage done in here! Every last cap!"

"Yeah sure. Whatever. Now be quiet!"

She grabbed her pink pistol off the counter and fired it alongside her rifle. She wasn't hitting much but she was keeping the attacking ponies pinned under the constant barrage.

"Skitz! Toss me the flamer!" She yelled over the sounds of the battle.

"No!!" Scar and Apple Whiskey cried out simultaneously.

Skitz continued to return fire behind her makeshift corpse shield. When she finally ran empty, she decided to switch tactics.

She dropped the body, pulled out her machete and rushed forward. Her victims could barely react before she was on them. She swung, slashing one pony across the throat. Blood sprayed from the open wound and covered the two ponies flanking her. They reeled back in disgust and horror before a burst of gunfire from above struck both of them. Scar landed right where the two ponies fell. Sugar jumped up onto the counter and ran across, mopping up the remaining few with her rifle and pistol.

When it was over the three mares stood victorious. Besides themselves and Apple Whiskey, only one other pony remained breathing. The trio walked over to the barely conscious Unicorn stallion who had stabbed Skitz.

He attempted to stand but Skitz pinned him down with her hoof. Sugar removed the knife that still stuck in her friends back with her magic and rammed it under the chin of the offending the offending stallion. There was nasty gurgling sound as he struggled for breath and the last bit of life escaped from him.

The tavern had been completely destroyed. The bar had been shot to pieces. Empty shells littered the floor along with bullet ridden bodies.

At that very moment, Sortilege trotted out of the bathroom with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. She had enjoyed having some time to sit and think things over in complete and utter silence. She looked and felt much better. Her good feeling completely dissipated the moment she opened her eyes and looked around the bar.

"Wha...what...wha?" She stammered.

Apple Whiskey trotted over to where the group stood. He shot them a deadly glare then quickly snapped his hoof in the direction of the door.

"Get. Out."

"Right. Good idea." Sugar replied and the group headed out.

The look of shock still plastered on Sortilege's face.

When the three got outside, Scarlet turned her attention to Skitz.

"Skitz. Take off your cloak. I need to look at that stab wound."

Skitz did as she was told.

The moment that the cloak was off, Sortilege gasped.

The scars on Skitz' body made Scarlet's look like paper cuts in comparison. Every inch of her was covered in battle marks of varying shapes and sizes. There were burns, stabs, cuts and bullet wounds on every section of her body. For the first time Sortilege could see her cutie mark half of it rather. On one side it had been almost completely torn away. The other side sported her actual cutie mark: a silhouette of a ponies with an even split straight down the middle.

"Sugar, get me a healing potion will ya?"

Scar said as she looked over the still oozing knife wound.

"Damn. He got ya deep Skitz. Might have pierced your lung. Having any difficulty breathing?"

"A little."

Sugar dug her way into Skitz's coat and retrieved the healing potion. Scar took it in her hooves, popped the cap off with her teeth and proceeded to pour it into the open wound. "Get me a bandage too, will ya Sugar?"

"Would it kill you to say please?" Sugar mumbled before digging into the cloak once again.

"Pretty please. With sugar on top." Scar replied sarcastically before returning her attention back to the injured Earth pony. "Feel any better Skitz?"

"A little." She smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Sugar gave Scar the bandage and she finished tending to the wounded mare.

After Skitz put her cloak back on, Sortilege snapped out of her shocked state.

"What happened in there?" She asked.

"Words out on the bounty. Everypony in the wasteland is gonna be after us. We need to move. Now." Sugar replied.

"Where are we supposed to go?" Scar asked.

"We head on over to Smokin' Grass's place. He's one of the few ponies around who actually likes us. He might be willing to lend us some supplies."

Upon hearing the name Skitz and Scar's ears both perked up and a smile appeared on Skitz's face. "We're going to see Smoking Grass? Really? We haven't been there in forever!" She let out a gleeful little squeal. "Oh I'm excited now!"

"I dunno Sugar." Scar seemed much less excited. "As much as I'd love to visit Grass, his place isn't exactly close."

"It's close enough and I don't see you coming up with any ideas." Sugar retorted.

"True. Well, Smokin' Grass's place it is then!" With that Scar smiled and turned to Skitz and joined her in her joyous outburst.

"Who's Smokin' Grass?" Sortilege asked.

"Oh you'll see." Scar replied. "But right now we need to get moving. Pronto."

With that the group headed on out of New Appleoosa.

Sortilege followed behind wondering what sort of new and terrifying experiences lay ahead of her.

~O.o~

Apple Whiskey was busy trying his best to clean up the horrendous mess that was now his tavern. After several hours of work, he'd finally managed to move all the bodies outside for later disposal and was hard at work mopping up the pools of blood that had collected. He'd been working all through the night until morning.

The first rays of daylight were just beginning to come in through the windows. As he was mopping, he contemplated taking a rest and finishing up later. That's when someone entered the tavern.

"Sorry. We're closed." He said without looking to see who it was.

"We're here on some important business. We're gonna take a look around if you don't mind."

Upon hearing the voice, Apple Whiskey froze. He recognized that voice. He looked up and got his first look at who had entered his business. A tall, rugged looking, brown Unicorn stallion stood in the doorway, accompanied by two Ghouls.

Gunsmoke paid no attention to the proprietor. Instead he got right to work investigating the inside of the tavern.

"Sure thing." Apple Whiskey replied nervously before quickly making his way out. He'd had enough excitement for one night.

Gunsmoke continued his investigation. The group had already examined the bodies. He studied the spent shell casing on the floor and the blood patterns on the wall.

One of his Ghoul companions approached him.

"I think I have a good idea now who we're dealing with." Sandy said.

"Yup." Gunsmoke replied. "And it's just as I thought. Total psychos. This is a problem."

The other Ghoul, Rock, made her way over to Sandy's side. She sported the strangest looking battle saddle. It looked more like a vacuum cleaner than a gun.

"So what's the plan then?" She asked.

"Those three are crazy." Gunsmoke replied. "Even so, they're highly capable. Attacking them now would be far too dangerous. We'll have to wait."

"Speaking of crazy..." Sandy chimed in. "I'm kind of curious as to why you're doing this Smoke."

"What'dya mean?"

"Well, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you're just as crazy. I've watched you slaughter innocent ponies and dare I say, I know you enjoy it. So why take on this job knowing that it could mean the end of all that killing you seem to love so much?"

“You're right Sandy. I do enjoy it." Gunsmoke remembered the event that had earned him his cutie mark. "I enjoy it a lot... but..."

Gunsmoke remembered the face of his dead father. He remembered the faces of everypony the wasteland had taken from him.

"As much as I enjoy it, I think I could give it up." He continued. "If it meant never having to lose another friend."

"How touching." A new voice announced from behind the trio. The trio of hunters turned their attention to the door. The source of the voice was a lone sprite bot. It floated in the air, silently as the trio looked on.

"Sandy, Rock." Gunsmoke said. "This is our current employer."

"Pleased to meet ya." Sandy said and Rock gave a polite nod.

The sprite bot spoke again, in it's mechanical voice. "I've come here for a progress report. I trust everything is moving along nicely?"

"We have a small problem. Nothing we can't handle." Gunsmoke said in reply.

"I knew you'd say that."

"So..." Sandy began. "Can you really do it? You really have the ability to save Equestria?"

The sprite bot bobbed in the air silently for a period of time. Finally it responded.

"Yes."

"That's all I needed to hear." Sandy smiled.

Ever since Gunsmoke picked him up, he'd started smiling again. He had missed it.

"We need a plan." Rock said.

“Well we can go after her right this moment." Gunsmoke replied. "We'll set a trap for them. We have the advantage in that we can travel a lot faster. We'll go ahead of them. Set a trap. They'll exhaust themselves fighting off all the others that will be after them. When they're at their most vulnerable we'll strike."

Sandy and Rock both nodded in agreement. Gunsmoke turned to the sprite bot. He regarded it quietly for a moment. Then he spoke.

"You can count on us. We're going to get her to you alive no matter what. "

Miles away, the strange pony behind the controls of the sprite bot smiled to herself.

"I knew you'd say that."

Chapter Four: Stiff upper lip

"You're a real nice girl, and I like you a lot, but right now, shut up."

Skitz, Sugar, Scar and Sortilege hurried their way across the wastes. They hadn't encountered much trouble since leaving New Appleoosa, and thank goodness they hadn't.

The four mares had to move so fast that they never got the chance to rest. The ammo had been mostly used up during the fight inside the tavern. Since Sugar and Skitz had gone to get a room that they never got to use, the caps from that were gone as well. They were all exhausted.

Sugar was even grumpier than usual. Her eyes continued to droop as they moved onward. She was too tired to start telling any more of her awful stories, a fact Sortilege was immensely grateful for.

Sortilege herself felt as if she was about ready to collapse. She had never walked so much in her whole life and she'd been awake for an entire day now. Leg muscles were hurting in places that she didn’t even know could hurt. The blue Unicorn took solace in the fact that she at least looked better now. Unlike her filthy companions, she took great pride in her appearance.

Also, she was very grateful that her magic had returned.

Scar seemed to be doing the worst. Aside from feeling tired, she also had a splitting headache and seemed to be fairly depressed. Her crimson red ears sagged with a flattened downtrodden weight. If that didn’t give it away, the permanent frown on her face certainly did. Sortilege couldn't help but blame herself for the Pegasus's current disposition.

Skitz trotted along at the front of the group. Of all of them, she seemed to be doing the best. She walked forward with a smile on her face, humming a peaceful tune to herself. The fact that she'd been stabbed hadn't bothered her in the slightest, apparently. Every once in a while, Sortilege could swear she heard the Earth pony whispering to herself between her humming.

The group carried on in total silence for a while. Sortilege considered saying something to Scar. Maybe she could make amends somehow? She really didn't care to lose the closest thing she had to a friend at the moment.

Before she could say anything, however, Skitz stopped dead in her tracks and perked up her ears.

Sugar let out a frustrated growl.

"Ugh. No. I don't feel like dealing with anything right now. Please tell me it's just a bloatsprite or something."

Skitz shook her head then sniffed the air.

"Raiders."

"Ugh." was all the filly said and the group continued on.

A moment later gunshots rang out and Sortilege jumped and ran for cover behind Skitz. The rest of the group however carried on as if nothing was happening. Their uninterested demeanor caused Sortilege some distress.

"What are you three doing? Aren't you gonna...ya know...shoot back?"

"Nah." Sugar replied. "They're Raiders. They're terrible shots up close. No way they'll hit us from this distance. If they get any closer we'll sic Skitz on 'em. Unless that happens though, we'll just keep moving until they get bored.”

Scar removed her combat helmet. She began shining it with her hoof as the gunfire continued around them.

"Don't go losing your head or anything, Sorts. We're not in any real danger. No point in wasting any ammo on 'em."

She placed her helmet back on her head. The moment she did so, a bullet landed dead center. It bounced off the helmet harmlessly, and the crimson Pegasus stood there in shock.

"Ha!" Sugar mocked her partner right before another bullet landed inches from where she stood. "Ya know...on second thought, we might want to find some cover."

The group headed over to a nearby fallen, old, rotten tree and hunkered down underneath it.

Scar, still shaking from her near death experience just then, pulled a cigarette from her pocket. She was having an enormous amount of difficulty striking up a match to light it with. Sortilege proceeded to take hold of the match with her light green magic aura and light it for her.

Scar smiled for the first time since they left New Appleoosa.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sortilege smiled back. Maybe it was possible for them to still be friends.

"Well fuck." Sugar began. "They've got us pinned. What do we do now?"

"Shoot back?" Skitz suggested.

"We barely have enough ammo as it is." Scar replied then turned her attention to Skitz "I say we just sit here until they get bored then when they're close enough you chop 'em up."

"Okie dokie." Skitz smiled.

“Wait!" Sortilege decided to add in her two bits. "Why don't we try talking to them? Maybe they'll listen to reason."

Sugar burst out laughing.

"Fuckin' Stable ponies. These ain't ponies who'd be willing to talk to us. They're Raiders. They aren't into negotiating. They kill for fun. Trust me on this one."

"Nonsense." Sortilege reprimanded the filly. "They're ponies just like you and me. We should give talking a chance. No need to 'chop up' anypony."

She proceeded to stand and move out from behind the log.

"Excuse me!" She shouted out to the attacking group of raiders. "Can I have your attention please?"

"Get back here you stupid bitch!" Sugar shouted. "You're gonna get yourself killed and then I'm out a million caps!"

"Hush now. Nopony's getting killed."

She turned her attention back to the Raiders who had ceased fire. They weren't used to anyone attempting to negotiate and they were somewhat curious to hear what she had to say. At the very least they were amused.

"Now listen. We're very low on supplies over here. We barely have anything for you to 'raid.' There's no need for violence. You'd have better luck trying elsewhere. Why don't you be on your way and we'll be on ours and nopony has to get hurt. Agreed?"

Sortilege was answered with the sound of gunfire.

The shot tore through her left ear, and she fell to the ground screaming at the top of her lungs. Sugar used her own magic to quickly pull her behind the log once again.

"Fuck!"

Scar yelled before taking to the air and returning fire. Her battle saddle let out three quick bursts.

No more raiders.

Sugar was busy tending to Sortilege, who was lying on the ground crying and screaming. She had never experienced so much pain before in her life.

"You stupid fucking bitch! I told you to stay put!" Sugar yelled at the distraught older mare.

Skitz reached into her cloak and pulled out a healing potion. She gave it to Sugar, who proceeded to pour the liquid down Sortilege's throat. It tasted awful, but she felt the pain slowly start to die down.

"Did you get 'em Scar?" Sugar called out.

"Yeah but that was the last of my ammo."

"Damn it!" She turned her attention back to Sortilege. "We're tying you up again you dumb cunt! Do you hear me?!"

Sortilege responded by sobbing and holding the area where her left ear used to be.

"Oh." Sugar giggled. "I guess not. Serves you right for not listening to me! Anyone see where her ear went?"

"It's right here." Skitz said, standing over the spot where Sortilege had been shot. She picked up the ear in her mouth and trotted back over to Sortilege.

Sugar levitated the ear in her magic.

"Eww. They took off the whole thing!" She showed the ear to Scar. "Is it too late to reattach it, Scar?"

"Now that you closed off the wound with a healing potion, yeah.”

"Good." She leaned down close to Sortilege. "Let that be a reminder to you. Next time I tell you not to do something you fuckin' listen to me. You got it?"

"I'm sorry." Sortilege said through her tears.

"Sorry doesn't cut it. Pull a stunt like that again and I'll make sure you lose worse than an ear. Skitz, give her a shot of med-x and let's get going."

"We don't have any med-x, Sugar." Skitz replied.

"Well, I guess it really sucks to be her right now. Welcome to the wasteland, bitch."

Sugar and Skitz started moving again. Scar helped the distraught Unicorn to her hooves.

"She's right, ya know. You can't be doing shit like that."

"Why?" Sortilege asked, tears still streaming down her face.

"Because that's how the wasteland works. It's a crazy place and it's filled with crazy ponies."

"But why does it have to be that way? Why do ponies have to be so cruel? Why do you three have to be so cruel? This entire world is insane! I just don't understand it at all? Why does it have to be that way?"

"You don't have to understand..." Scar pulled out a couple more of her cigarettes and proceeded to place one in Sortilege’s mouth. Sortilege accepted it reluctantly. She never smoked before but she definitely needed something to calm her down. Scar returned the favor from before by lighting the cigarette for her friend and the two continued on after Skitz and Sugar.

"That's just the way the wasteland is."

~O.o~

The group continued their traveling. They encountered no more raiders, only more bloatsprites and feral dogs.

Sortilege hung her head low as they walked on. She hadn't thought she could possibly have felt any worse once she had heard the news about her home. She had been wrong. Just when she thought she couldn't lose anything else, the wasteland had come and taken her ear. The spot where her ear once was ached. Her only respite was the fact that as long as she stayed to the left of the filly, she didn't have to listen to her awful stories. Once again, Sortilege collapsed on the ground. She was too tired and depressed to move on.

"Get up."

The cruel little filly wasn't going to allow her a moment of rest.

"No." Sortilege answered.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Sugar advanced threateningly. "Get your ass up or I'm gonna make you wish you'd never been born."

"I already wish I'd never been born. There's nothing left you can do to me."

"Bitch." Sugar continued her advance. "You have no idea how wrong you are."

"Give her a break Sugar." Scar chimed in. "She's just tired. We're all tired. We could use a rest. It's starting to get dark."

Sugar glared over at Scarlet.

"We ain't got time to rest. We can't stay out here in the open like this."

“We'll set up camp here for the night and then continue moving in the morning. I'm fuckin' beat." Scar laid on the ground next to Sortilege. "I ain't moving another step either."

Skitz trotted over and sat down besides Scar and Sortilege with a smile on her face.

"Ugh. You too, Skitz? Fine!"

The frustrated filly started to wander off towards a group of dead trees.

"I'm gonna go get some firewood then."

After a few more steps, she glared back at the trio.

"Fuck you guys," she spat.

Then she headed off to complete her task.

"Skitz, go with her. Make sure she doesn't get into trouble." Scar said.

"Okie dokie." Skitz got up and headed off after the irate filly.

Sortilege and Scar sat there for a while in silence. Sortilege had nothing to say. Should she apologize? Had she even done anything wrong? She was so confused. She wanted to get along with Scar but it was looking like all chances of friendship had been sabotaged by fate.

Finally, Scar spoke.

"Look...I'm sorry. I never should have came onto you like that."

Sortilege perked up. Maybe there was a chance.

"Oh. It's okay."

"No, it isn't. I also had no right to get all butt hurt like I did. I want to make it up to you.”

"It's fine. Really."

“Well, when we get to Smokin' Grass's place I have something for you. You'll like it. Trust me."

"Thanks Scar." Sortilege smiled. "I appreciate it. It's nice to have a friend out here.”

Scar scoffed. "Not sure you should be considering me your friend seeing as how I totally plan on selling you and all." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a couple of cigarettes, offering one to Sortilege. "You really have no idea who's after you?"

"Not a clue."

Sortilege took the cigarette from her. The first one had made her violently ill. It did succeed in calming her down. It wasn't a habit that she had ever imagined she would have picked up. She doubted her mother would have approved.

"That's weird. That's really fuckin' weird."

"Yeah it is." She took a long drag off of the cigarette.

"So tell me about yourself, Scar. How'd you end up...like this?"

"Oh ya know. Typical bullshit. I was a member of the Grand Pegasus Enclave. Got tired of their shit. Headed down to the wasteland."

"Grand Pegasus Enclave?"

"Yeah. When the bombs fell, the Pegasi abandoned Equestria. Formed the Enclave. That's the reason for the clouds, ya know. I joined the military. Had some bad experiences. Decided to leave. They branded me a traitor. Gave me this." She motioned to her bizarre cutie mark. "Came down here. Met up with Sugar and Skitz. Been bounty hunting ever since."

"What's it mean?" Sortilege motioned to Scar's cutie mark.

"This is a Dashite brand. When a Pegasus leaves the enclave they're branded with this mark. It's a reference to Rainbow Dash. The greatest traitor to the enclave who ever lived."

"So that's not your real cutie mark?"

"Nope."

"What was it before?"

Scar sighed. "I'd rather not talk about it. Bad memories."

"Oh." Sortilege hung her head. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

The two sat there for a while simply enjoying their cigarettes.

Sortilege surveyed the landscape. It was almost completely dark now. Twilight. She recalled reading about it in a book. It made the wasteland all the more pretty to her.

Despite how terrible everything about the waste was, she found herself drawn to the landscape. Everything was so different to her. She was use to the grey walls of her old home. She wasn’t sure that she could ever get fully over all of the colors what made up the new, awful place.

Her eyes scanned the shadowed horizon until her eyes caught sight of the dead trees that Sugar had moved through to find firewood. Most of the trees were so old or rotten that they were black from years of decay. Some of them had a green mold on them. Even their color against the ground could be considered pretty in a way. Especially to a pony who most of her life she had seen a lot of grey.

"So."

Sortilege broke the silence.

"What are their stories?" She asked motioning over to where Sugar and Skitz had ventured off.

Scar laughed.

"Oh ya know. More typical wasteland bullshit. Sugar was raised by raiders."

"That explains a lot..."

"Doesn't it? Skitz...I don't actually know. Her and Sugar found me shortly after I came down here. Don't know much about her other than she's quiet, she's friendly for the most part and she's the one pony you never want get on the bad side of."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Sugar and Skitz happened to return at that exact moment. Skitz carried a large amount of timber for them to start a fire with.

"Okay Skitz. Give me the flamer." Sugar said.

"No!" Scarlet responded immediately.

“Yes. I'm just starting a campfire. It'll be fine."

"Let me do it." Sortilege said.

She focused on the pile of timber Skitz had laid down in front of them. Her horn glowed light green and her magic aura enveloped the wood. It began to smoke and and after a short time the wood ignited.

"Woah!"

Skitz and Scar both bolstered impressed looks on their faces.

Sugar however simply seemed pissed.

"You bitch! I was gonna start the fire!"

Scar snorted. "You were gonna waste ammo is what you were gonna do."

"Fuck you!" She pointed at Scar then turned to Sortilege "And fuck you!" She then turned her hoof to Skitz. "And fuck you too Skitz!"

"What did I do?"

Sugar didn't respond to the question. Instead she snorted then proceeded to lay down away from the fire.

"I'm going to sleep. Don't fuckin' bug me."

"Sweet dreams, Sugar." Scar said sarcastically.

"I hope you all die!"

As the night continued on, Sugar fell asleep fairly quickly followed by Scar.

Sortilege and Skitz remained awake.

They didn't say much to each other. Skitz stared off in the distance, humming to herself.

Sortilege sat there thinking to herself. She had been trying her best not to think about her stable. But now, in the dead of night, with nothing else to occupy her mind, it was all she could focus on. Faces from her past flooded her memories. The kind doctor. Her old teacher. The sweet mare who had baked her cookies. The children she taught. If she didn't stop thinking about it soon, she would break down again.

She used her magic to pull another cigarette from Scar's pocket. She was sure she wouldn't mind. She proceeded to use the same igniting spell she had used on the timber to light her cigarette.

"That's really cool."

The sudden noise caused Sortilege to jump. She turned her attention to Skitz, who had been the source of the sound.

"How'd you learn to do that?"

"Oh, I read it in a camping book when I was little. Magic sorta comes naturally to me."

"Is magic your special talent?" Skitz asked, eying Sortilege's cutie mark.

"Ummm, not really. I'm not...I'm not entirely sure what my special talent is. I kinda got my cutie mark in an odd way."

"Oh cool! I don't know what my cutie mark means either!" The large grey mare smiled over at Sortilege.

"How did you get yours?" Sortilege asked.

Skitz shrugged. "I dunno. I just always had it."

"Oh. That's interesting."

"Mhmm."

Sortilege tried to find a way to keep the conversation going but her mind drew a blank. She finished her cigarette and laid her head down.

"Are you gonna get any sleep?" She asked Skitz as she began to doze off.

"Nah. I'll stay awake and keep a look out... Goodnight!" She smiled again. Sortilege had initially been creeped out by the way strange mare always appeared to be smiling. Now she was beginning to find it sort of endearing. It was nice to be around a pony who always seemed happy. Even if she was a vicious killer.

"Goodnight."

Exhaustion finally overcame her. She prayed that the goddess Luna would show her a bit of mercy tonight and grant her pleasant dreams.

She highly doubted it.

~O.o~

Sortilege's prayer for a good night's sleep went unanswered.

The entire night she was plagued with nightmares of her home. She dreamed of the looks of terror on the faces of the ponies whom she had called family. She saw each and every one as they were gunned down by vicious, villainous bounty hunters.

She woke up several times through the night. It had by far been one of the worst nights of her life. However awful it had been, she did manage to get some sleep.

After being awoken by yet another nightmare, she noticed that daylight had finally arrived. She decided that attempting to get anymore sleep would be an exercise in futility.

She looked around the campsite. Her captors were all dead asleep. Scar was curled up in a ball looking incredibly peaceful. Skitz seemed to had finally dozed off as well. Sugar laid furthest away from the group. She was on her back, mouth wide open and leg twitching occasionally. Sortilege smiled at the sight.

It was nice to see Sugar actually look...cute for once. The way fillies were supposed to look. Sortilege got to her hooves and stretched. She proceeded to smother the smoldering remains of the campfire with her magic.

Thirsty, she trotted over to where Skitz lay. If any of them would be carrying water it would most likely be her. As she walked by the slumbering filly she heard her muttering something in between her snores.

"Bitches." Snore. "Bitches...bitches..." Snore."...Bitches..."

Sortilege raised her eyebrow. Any cuteness the filly had previously displayed had been lost. She continued on her mission to procure water and began digging through Skitz's cloak.

"Good Morning." Skitz said, without opening her eyes.

Sortilege jumped back in surprise.

“Oh! Um, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Skitz looked up and smiled at her.

"It's fine." She gave Sortilege her best, goofy looking grin.

“Well then..." Sortilege smiled back. "Good morning."

"What's so good about it?" The two turned their attention to Scar, who had awoken as well. The Pegasus let out a massive yawn. "I fuckin' hate mornings."She stood up then trotted over to Sugar.

"Hey Sugar! Wake your ass up."

She kicked the filly who shot up immediately.

"Bitches!" she cried in surprise before coming to her senses and glaring at Scar. "Oh, it's you. What the fuck do you want?"

"Good morning to you too."

The filly yawned. "Is breakfast ready, Skitz?"

"Not yet. I just woke up too."

Sugar laid back down.

"Well, wake me up when food’s ready." She fell asleep again almost immediately. "Bitches...bitches...bitches..."

Skitz stood up. She reached back into her cloak and produced various cooking supplies and walked over to the campfire. Sortilege used her igniting spell and started up the fire again for her.

"Thanks!"

"You're welcome! Would you mind if I had some water, please?"

"Sure."

Skitz tossed a canteen over to Sortilege.

Scar stretched out her wings and pulled out three cigarettes, lighting up one for herself and passing one to each of her two companions. Skitz began to prepare a meal for them while Scar and Sortilege sat and talked.

"So did you sleep well?" Scar began.

“Not really." Sortilege answered back.

“Yeah, me neither."

"So how far away are we from where we're headed?"

"Not far. We'll be there by this afternoon."

Sortilege nodded and the two sat there silently for a while listening to Sugar's snores and vulgar mumbling and waiting as Skitz finished cooking.

Sortilege’s cigarette ended. It'd been the sixth one she'd had since Scar had introduced her to the habit. After she finished this one, she didn't feel that same satisfaction she had received from her previous ones. She looked eagerly to Scar.

"Could I have another one?"

"Uhh, actually those were my last ones. We'll pick up more when we get to Grass's place."

"Oh."

Sortilege was strangely more disappointed by this news than she thought she'd be.

"I guess I'll be fine until then."

"Uhhhh...yeah." Scar replied while turning her attention away from the Unicorn.

"Breakfast is ready!" Skitz called out.

Sugar woke from her dead sleep immediately.

She rushed over over to Skitz and waited eagerly for her breakfast. Skitz gave her what would be considered her meal, which seemed to consist of a small lizard skewered on a stick.

"Iguana on a stick! My favorite! Thanks Skitz!"

Sugar took a massive bite out of the small reptile and smiled."You're welcome."

She gave one to Sortilege and Scar as well.

Sortilege stared at the "food item" with a look somewhere between disgust and horror.

"I don't think ponies are supposed to eat meat." She said.

"I don't think stupid bitches are supposed to complain about the meals they’re given." Sugar replied with her mouth full of iguana. The filly possessed nothing resembling manners in the slightest.

"You should be grateful we're even sharing our iguana with you at all. Now quit bitching and eat. We need to head out as soon as we can."

Sortilege reluctantly took a bite and found that it wasn't nearly as unpleasant as she imagined it would be. She actually kind of liked it! The group finished their meal and with full bellies, proceeded to head out.

As they moved along, Sortilege felt herself becoming...irritated.

Sugar began telling her usual stories as they walked. Sortilege wasn't so much disturbed by the stories this time around as she was just plain annoyed. She had the worst craving running through her body. She could hardly stand it.

"Scar? Are you sure you don't have anymore cigarettes?"

"Pretty sure, yeah. Are you okay? You don't look so well."

"I'm just really...antsy. I really want another cigarette." Sortilege replied.

Scar shot her a surprised look.

"Wow. I've never seen someone become THAT addicted after only a few cigarettes. Do yourself a favor and stay away from Dash...Rage...Mintals... and...like...everything."

They moved on and Sugar continued spouting her awful story.

"...So then this bitch says to me, she says 'you think you can just do anything you want, you little cunt?' and that pissed me off. So then I say 'I sure as hell do!' and then I shot her in the face."

Sortilege didn't know how much more of the filly's terrible stories she could take. She was still fairly tired and now she was irritated on top of that.

The wasteland no longer seemed pretty to her. It was just ugly. She hated the dead grass, the grey clouds, and the nasty brown clumps of dirt that kept getting stuck under her hooves. She hated the stupid, gross moss that covered the dead, black trees. Not to mention the puddles of green irradiated water that caused her pipbuck to click in the most annoying manner.

She hated Skitz and her dumb smile. She hated Scar and her...stupid pretty wings.

Most of all she hated that evil, vile, poor excuse for a filly who just refused to shut up!

"...and then he goes 'no please don't!' and then I shot him in the..."

"Shut the buck up!!"

Sortilege yelled in the middle of Sugar's sentence.

The entire group stopped dead in their tracks.

Sortilege placed her hoof over her mouth in shock. Did she say that out loud? She hadn't meant to say that. She didn't know what had come over her. She stood there fearfully awaiting the filly's wrath.

Sugar slowly turned to face Sortilege.

"What did you just say to me?" She asked calmly.

Sortilege was terrified. Possibly the most terrified she'd been since leaving her stable.

"I-I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me! I didn't mean to..."

Sugar cut her off.

"Did you just say...shut the buck up?"

"I-I-I..."

Was all Sortilege could get out.

Sugar continued staring at her. To Sortilege's surprise, the filly didn't actually seem that angry. She actually looked.. confused?

"That is...without a doubt...the most retarded thing I've ever heard come out of another ponies mouth."

Sortilege was at a loss. She had no idea how to respond to that statement.

Sugar cocked her eyebrow. "Why didn't you just say...shut the fuck up?"

"B-because that's a...a bad word. I didn't want to say...that. Buck sounded close enough so..."

Laughter erupted all around Sortilege.

She felt heat rush to her cheeks. Her fear was long gone and had been replaced by overwhelming embarrassment.

Sugar was in tears from laughing so hard.

"It's a bad word?? That is fucking hilarious!"

"Yeah it is!" Scar added. "Even Skitz cusses on occasion!"

Upon hearing her name Skitz smiled. "Fuck!"

She said before joining in on the laughter again.

Sortilege lowered her head. She felt pretty stupid. In a place like the wasteland, of course saying something like fuck really wouldn’t be a big deal. This was more awkward and humiliating than when Scar had hit on her.

Sugar stopped laughing finally. With a smile on her face she addressed Sortilege again

"Say it. I want to hear you say it. Go ahead. Tell me to shut the fuck up.”

"I...I couldn't! I've never..."

"Say it!" Sugar yelled.

"Yeah! Say it!" Scar added enthusiastically.

"Yeah!" Skitz joined in.

"Do it!" The filly cried out again.

All eyes were on Sortilege. The three other mares looked on at her in anticipation. Sortilege took a deep breath and finally spoke in a soft and quiet tone.

"Sh-Shut the f-fuck up."

The laughter roared up again. Sortilege hadn't thought she could hate the filly any more than she had. She'd been proven wrong once again.

"Oh, that's great!"

Sugar said through her laughter induced tears. She wiped them away and looked at Sortilege. Her joyous expression died away and was replaced by her typical angry one.

"And fuck you!" She tilted her head back in pride. "My stories are lovely! You should be grateful for the chance to hear them! Now enough fucking around. Let’s go!"

They started moving once again. Sugar’s storytelling once again started up and Sortilege felt the irritation begin to rise up once more as well. She couldn't wait to reach their destination.

She really needed a cigarette.

~O.o~

They kept on walking for a few more hours. Sugar’s tales continued without skipping a beat.

"...and then I shot him in the face!"

"What a surprise." Scar replied sarcastically.

"Okay, next story."

Sugar thought to herself for a minute. She bit her lower lip trying to remember her next story, but she drew a blank.

"Actually...I think that's all I got."

"Thank Celestia!" Sortilege said earning herself a glare from Sugar. She didn't care. Sortilege had never been more irritated in her life. She needed another smoke, soon. More like now, really. Or two hours ago. Or yesterday. Gosh, she couldn’t even remember how long ago her last one had been!

Sugar continued glaring at Sortilege. She opened her mouth to say something when all of a sudden a voice called out in the distance.

"Hey!"

Sugar jumped. Immediately she drew her pistol and began firing at the source of the voice.

The Unicorn stallion who had called out to them dove for cover. He drew his own firearm and began firing back blindly. Sugar dove to the left, hiding behind a rock while Scar, Skitz, and Sortilege hid behind the wreckage of a nearby sky carriage. Skitz drew her submachine gun and returned fire as well. The stallion ducked down behind his cover. He called out something but it was inaudible over the sound of gunfire.

"Scar!" Sugar called over to her companion. "Shoot him!"

"I'm out!" The Pegasus replied.

"Don't tell him that!" Sugar yelled back.

Skitz's gun clicked empty. "I'm out too!"

Taking advantage of the brief cease fire, the Unicorn stallion called out to them once again. "I'm a merchant!"

"What?!" Sugar replied.

"He said he's a merchant!" Sortilege yelled back at the filly.

"It's a trick." Scar replied. "He'll shoot us if we go out there."

"We think it's a trick!" Sugar yelled to the stallion. "We think you'll shoot us if we come out there!"

The Unicorn stallion thought to himself for a moment before calling out again. "Well, I think this is a trick!"

"How could we be tricking you?!" Sugar yelled back.

"I think you've got plenty of ammo and you're gonna shoot me when I come out there!"

"Okay okay..." Sortilege began. "How about this...on the count of three...we all toss our weapons on the ground and come out! That means you too!"

The stallion considered it for a moment and then answered back. "Yeah...okay! On the count of three!"

Sortilege looked over to Sugar who nodded back. Sugar got ready to throw her pistol and automatic rifle to the ground and Scar began to undo the harness on her battle saddle.

"Okay. Ready?" Sortilege yelled.

"One...two..."

"Wait!"

Sortilege was interrupted by Skitz. All attention shifted to the Earth pony.

"...Is this a trick?"

~O.o~

"Ya know...." Scar began as the group looked over the merchants wares.

"You'd probably get more business if you didn't run around shooting people."

The Unicorn merchant laughed.

"Well I don't know about that. You probably wouldn't have to buy so much ammo if you didn’t spend it all shooting at me!"

He smiled. Scar couldn't really argue with that point.

"Do you have any flamer fuel?" Sugar asked him.

"Sorry, little lady. Fresh out of flamer fuel. But take a look at this!"

He used his magic to levitate out an old, dusty bow from his cart. He proceeded to clip it into Sugar's mane.

"Now don't you look cute as a button!"

Sugar let out a sarcastic chuckle. "Yeah. No thanks."

Scar began looking over the supplies.

"We'll take any ammo you've got and a couple of those healing potions."

"Do you have any cigarettes?" Sortilege asked.

"Why yes indeedy, I do!"

He levitated out a single pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket. Sortilege's eye's widened. She gazed upon the cigarettes with an intense desire. She'd never wanted something that badly in her entire life. It was the most wonderful sight she'd ever beheld.

Scar snatched the cigarettes out of the air with her wing.

"Okay. I think that's about all we need. How much?"

“Well...I think...about one hundred caps will do."

The stallion answered back.

“We have eighty." Sugar said.

The stallion levitated the cigarettes back out of Scar's grasp.

"That'll get you everything except these."

"No!" Sortilege cried out in desperation. "I need those! Please! I'll do anything!"

"Well..." The stallion began. He smiled coily at Sortilege. "I think we might just be able to work something out." He wiggled his eyebrows at his fellow Unicorn.

Sortilege's jaw dropped. This time she understood the implications completely. The most disturbing part of this scenario to her, was the fact that she was actually considering it.

She really wanted those cigarettes.

"No."

Scar came to her defense. She thrust a box of ammo back to the stallion.

"Keep these and we'll take the cigarettes."

"Hell no!" Sugar answered back. "We need every bullet we can get!"

She took the box of ammunition back with her magic and switched them with the cigarettes.

"If she wants those nasty things so bad. " She turned to Sortilege. "She can put that big fuckin' mouth of hers to use."

"You want these bullets so bad?" Scar took the cigarettes out of the air and grabbed the box of ammo again giving it back to the stallion. "Then YOU suck him off, you little brat."

Sugar turned her attention back to the stallion.

"I bite." She said before snapping her teeth at him.

The stallions smile died away and he regarded the four strange mares for a moment. "You know what? Eighty caps is fine."

The group finished the transaction and headed out once again.

Sortilege popped a cigarette in her mouth and used her igniting spell. As the smoke entered her lungs she felt sweet relief wash over her entire body. The irritation died away. She finally felt calm once again. Skitz politely waved goodbye to the stallion as the group departed.

"He was nice."

She said as the group continued on their journey across the wastes.

~O.o~

Sortilege had discovered a new kind of hell.

She inhaled her cigarette, desperately trying to find some kind of relief from the torture she now endured.

She found none.

She walked along with the group, trying to think of any way to end her current misery. Scar wasn't doing much better and any trace of smile that once occupied Skitz's face had vanished.

Of the entire group, only one showed even a hint of joy.

As the group had progressed, Sugar had decided she couldn't withstand the silence and seeing as she was out of stories to tell the filly had resorted to new method of passing the time...

She started singing…

Her voice was grating and the lyrics to her songs vulgar and vile. Sortilege wondered if she'd been taught these songs or just made them up herself. A thought also began to form on how much force it would require to rip off her remaining ear with her magic. She had once again made the mistake of thinking the wasteland couldn't get any worse.

It had proved her wrong yet again.

Scarlet seemed just as annoyed as Sortilege. She been attempting to drown out the sounds by covering her ears with her wings. Her attempts proved futile in the end.

Sugar was loud. Too loud.

Scar would have worried about the noise attracting raiders, but it seemed far more likely Sugar's singing would drive them off instead.

Skitz carried on as always, but the oblivious smile she wore had faded away. She wore no signs of her irritation on her face. She simply looked ahead, and desperately tried to ignore her small companion. Every once in a while, the corner of her right eye would begin to twitch.

Finally, Scar could take no more. She cut off Sugar mid-lyric.

"Sugar! Shut the fuck up already!"

"Fuck you!" Sugar yelled back. "My singing is lovely."

"No it isn't." Skitz cut in.

"You see?!" Scar exclaimed. "You're even getting on Skitz's nerves!"

"You're a bitch, Scar. And you too, Skitz. And you too...whatever your name was."

"Sortilege." Sortilege replied.

“I don't fucking care! I don't want to walk the rest of the way in silence so someone better start talking or I'm gonna keep singing!"

"No need." Scar said with a smile. "We're here."

The group looked ahead. In the distance, at the top of a small hill, stood a small shack.

Upon seeing it, Sortilege’s three companion’s eyes lit up. They could barely contain their excitement. Sugar broke out into a run and Scar took to the air. Skitz ran ahead as well and it took every bit of effort for Sortilege to keep up with them.

When she reached the top of the hill, she collapsed. She was never much of a runner. The other three mares waited by the door in anticipation. All three wore wide, silly grins on their faces. Sugar hopped up and down in excitement.

"Knock! Do it! Knock on the fucking door already!"

"Okay."

Scar approached the door. Raised her hoof and knocked once.

Twice.

Thrice.

A voice called out from behind the door.

"I'm coming. Hold on!"

The trio became even giddier when they heard the voice.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened.

In the doorway stood a jade green Unicorn stallion with a light brown mane and tail. He wore reading glasses and a pre-war business style hat, which he had cocked to the side at an angle. An image of a strange looking leaf with a small cloud of smoke emanating from it adorned his flank. He adjusted his glasses and focused on the mares. When he realized who it was, his eyes narrowed and sly smile crept onto his face.

“Get out." He said in a joking manner.

"Hiya Grass!" Sugar hopped up and waved excitedly at the stallion.

"Get out!" He repeated in the same sarcastic tone and smile still plastered to his face. "What are you crazy bitches doing here?"

"Oh ya know. We're on a job." Sugar answered."Need a place to relax for a little bit. Resupply."

“Well you came to the right place then. Missed you gals." He smiled over to Scar. "How you doin', Scar?"

Scar's cheeks flushed and she smiled and looked away from Grass. "I'm fine."

"Yeah you are." He winked at the crimson Pegasus. Then turned his attention over to Sortilege. "And who do we have here?"

"That's our bounty! We need to get her over to Forb Mountain." Sugar answered.

"And does this bounty have a name?" He asked, directing his question at Sortilege rather than Sugar.

As he approached, Sortilege felt heat rush to her cheeks. "My name's S-Sortilege."

"Nice to meet you Sortilege." He took her hoof in his own and planted a kiss on it, while keeping eye contact with the young Unicorn mare.

Sortilege felt her knees start to shake slightly. "N-nice to meet you too!"

"Hi Grass!" Skitz interrupted the introduction.

"Hey Skitz." Grass dropped Sortilege's hoof along with his flirtatious attitude. "What's shakin' baby?'

Skitz responded with a big goofy smile.

"Let's head on inside. Catch up on old times. It's been too long."

"Woo!" Sugar cried out and darted inside the shack. The rest of the group followed suite. Skitz wore her usual oblivious expression and Scar and Sortilege both continued to blush.Sortilege didn't have that much experience with flirting or anything of that nature.Going off of the feelings in her cheeks, the shaking of her knees and the butterflies flying around in her gut…

...perhaps it was time to learn.

Chapter Five: Brain Shake

"What are you laughin' at?"

Sandy sat alone on the empty town’s only general store. It was called ‘Under Wares’ and something about the name amused him so. He gazed over the horizon.

He and his companions had made their way to a small abandoned town at the base of Forb Mountain.

The town had clearly been ran by miners before the war. It was tiny, with roughly nine or ten houses that were spread apart between the other buildings. Several piles of shovels and pickaxes laid about the town.

Mining carts also littered the area in random places, perhaps filled with gems at one point, but only a fine sparkling dust remained in a few now. The town had been picked over for any goods, and without any sort of maintenance, a lot of the buildings were crumbling and sinking inward. The roads of the town had little to no actual pony skeletons on it, and inside the buildings had even less.

There was a general store on the edge of town. The sign was only hanging by one side. An entire corner of the building had fallen into itself. Inside the store there were almost brand new pickaxes and mining hats. Everything was covered in a dust. A set of leaning stairs led up to the roof.

A bar called ‘Jumpin’ Smokey’s Bar and Grill’’, at least according to the sign, that may or may not have been written over before, was near the general store. It looked like it was in better condition, but the inside had been gutted. Not a drop of hard apple cider to be found. The tables were broken and empty, broken bottles covered the floor.

A city hall and courthouse centered the little town with a fountain that still held a nice heaping puddle of irradiated water in it. There was a noose near the Courthouse. It could make one question just how old and abandoned the town was, or quite possibly, who had last used the town. It was hard to tell if the noose was new or old.

Gunsmoke had opted against going head to head with the target's current captors. Sandy had agreed.

The three mares currently holding Sortilege were tough and determined. Even with the talon mercenaries Gunsmoke had hired, they most likely wouldn't succeed in taking their prize.

So instead of taking the group head on, they had decided to lay a trap. The trio of hunters would exhaust themselves fending off the other hunters after the mare.

Then, when they finally made their way to the base of the mountain, Sandy and company would strike.

In all honesty...it wasn't the best plan.

There was no way to ensure that the three mares could keep the target alive all the way to the mountain, but there didn't seem to be a whole lot of other options.

So Sandy waited.

It'd be several days before they arrived. Sandy had become quite accustomed to waiting. He was nearly two hundred years old and had spent plenty of his long life sitting around doing nothing. He could wait a few more days. It'd be well worth it. There was one thing however that Sandy had never gotten used to. Something he didn't think he'd ever get used to.

The wasteland itself.

He sat atop a building at the edge of the town, staring across the expanse. The sun never shone in the wastes. When the bombs fell, the pegasi had closed off the sky forever. The sun died with the rest of the world.

Sandy missed it. He had enjoyed the light. Maybe, when this whole ordeal was finished, he could see the sun one last time.

Sandy turned his attention away from the horizon and to his constant companion.

Rock sat below, doing some maintenance on her weapon. For two hundred years, she had accompanied him across the wastes. When everything else died, she remained by his side. The one ray of light in his life that refused to go out.

If it hadn't been for her, he would have curled up in a ball and died ages ago.

Or gone feral.

He loved her with every fiber of his being. Watching over her now, he remembered back to when they had first met.

Back when Equestria was a better place.

Back to the time when the sun still shined...

~O.o~

At the start of the war, the Equestrian government had been reformed into the ministries. Sandy had not hesitated in joining up with the Ministry of Morale. Back then, he never thought he had it in him to take another life. Rather than become a soldier he decided to help with the war effort in the one place he knew he could. The Ministry of Morale was dedicated to bringing joy back to the inhabitants of Equestria. Sandy's special talent happened to be just that.

Bringing joy.

He was Equestria's premiere party planner.

Only one pony could even come close to throwing a party even near as exciting as his. That pony happened to be running the Ministry of Morale.

For as long as he could remember, Sandy had idolized Pinkie Pie.

He had even briefly met her once as a child. It had been a pivotal moment in his life. She had helped him discover who he was and what he was meant to do. He had been inspired by her. Her exuberance, her joyous attitude. He'd never met somepony like her before and didn't think he ever would again. She had helped him go from a shy, lonely child, to Equestria's most sought after entertainer.

Today, as he walked up the steps of the ministry building, he felt a rush of excitement.

Today was the day he'd be meeting with her again. He was slightly nervous. That ruffle of nervous feeling swirled with the excitement in his body. What was that called again? Butterflies in your tummy? He chuckled at the thought of actual butterflies moving around in his stomach..

He walked up the steps of the office building in Canterlot. The lobby receptionist informed him that Pinkie Pie was running a little late, so he would have to wait in the reception area until she arrived.

Over in the reception area, presumably waiting for Pinkie as well, sat one of the prettiest mares Sandy had ever laid eyes on.

She sat alone in the corner, studying something in her hoof. The grey mare was completely oblivious to everything going on around her.

Now, Sandy had come a long way since his childhood days of crippling shyness. He thrived in crowds.

One on one however, he still faltered.

He saw this as a perfect opportunity to practice his romancing.

The mare was simply captivating. He couldn't take her eyes off of her. Her mane and tail were lavender in color, and straight. Much different than his crazy brown curls. She wore a frock style dress that covered up her cutie mark, but that didn’t matter. He really couldn’t focus much on a cutie mark right now anyway.

As he approached he began to sweat. The nerves in his stomach really did begin to feel like butterflies were flapping around in there! He couldn't think of anything to say. Anything resembling intelligence escaped his mind.

'This should be easy.' He thought to himself, 'All I have to do is say hello and tell her my name. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.'

He opened his mouth to speak…

...and nothing came out.

'Just tell her your name!' He mentally screamed at himself. 'Wait a minute...what is my name? Oh sweet Celestia above I've forgotten my own name!'

The mare had yet to notice him. She was still busy studying whatever it was she had in her hoof. Sandy stood next to her, holding his breath, trying to think of something, anything to say. He was about ready to just give up when the mare finally broke the silence.

"Rock." She said.

She had spoken but still had yet to look up from her hoof. Was she talking to him? Perhaps her name was Rock? He waited for a moment, expecting she might say something else. It seemed she wasn't even fully aware of his presence. She had just been talking to herself.

After a few moments of silence he decided to finally say something. "Umm...hi."

She finally looked up from whatever she had been studying in her hoof. The turning of her head seemed slow. He couldn’t tell if it was because time was slowing down, or if she was carefully planning every move she made.

She looked at him.

He looked at her.

Long eye lashes and sea green eyes met with his emerald irises.

Now that Sandy could view her face fully he could appreciate just how pretty she actually was. She was more than pretty. She was beautiful.

She held up her hoof.

"This is a rock." She said while displaying the object in her hoof.

She held one of the most odd looking rocks he had ever laid eyes on. It was light blue and speckled with pink polka dots.

"Yes, it is." Sandy replied.

He was still having trouble initiating conversation.

"What kind of rock is it?"

"I don't know." The mare answered. "Comes from the zebra lands. Not very common in Equestria."

"Oh...well, that's interesting..." He silently screamed to himself again 'Introduce yourself Sandy. Say your name!' "My name is…”

She cut him off mid sentence. "I know who you are."

"You do?"

She nodded. "Pinkie Pie told me about you. We're going to be working together."

"Pinkie Pie mentioned me?" Upon hearing that, he lit up inside. Pinkie Pie knew who he was! This was turning into the best day ever! Now he just needed to get things rolling with this mare and he'd be two for two. After the excitement died down slightly he turned his attention back to the mare.

"So what's your name then?"

"Rock."

"Well nice to meet you, Rock."

The mare turned to him with a slightly confused expression.

"My name isn't Rock."

"But you just said..."

She held up her hoof again. "This is a rock."

Sandy replied with an equally confused expression.

They heeded each other for a moment. Sandy was beginning to realize this mare was slightly strange.

Something in her eyes...

Something maybe even a little… crazy.

That was okay.

He had always considered himself a little crazy too.

The mare turned her attention back to her rock. She didn't seem very interested in conversation. She focused all of her energy into studying the strange looking rock in her hoof. Sandy was determined, however. He would get somewhere with her. He wouldn't let this one slip by. He had to at least learn her name.

"So..." he began. "Not Rock..." She didn't look up from the odd stone. "What is your name then?"

She began her sentence without looking up from her hoof.

"My name is..."

She was cut off by the lobby receptionist’s brisk but friendly announcement, "The ministry mare will see you now."

‘Damn it. So close.' Sandy thought to himself.

His disappointment was soon replaced with excitement however. He was finally going to meet Pinkie Pie.

The receptionist led them over to far side of the lobby.

For the first time since his childhood, he saw her.

Pinkie Pie.

The mare who'd changed his life. Directly next to her stood another, equally famous (perhaps more so) and important mare: Twilight Sparkle.

Personal protege of Princess Celestia herself and head of the Ministry of Arcane Science.

Once again, anxiety crept it's way into Sandy's gut. He was great with crowds but talking to ponies face to face…

He faltered.

Despite his popularity as an entertainer, he had very few friends. He found himself wondering what it was that Pinkie Pie had planned for him anyway.

When he first joined the ministry, they had set him to work right away on utilizing his talents to their fullest. He threw the wildest parties of his life all across Equestria for months on end. He'd lived up to the name of the Ministry perfectly.

Then one day he received a letter for reassignment. He'd be working with a small group of ponies on some sort of secret project, combining the efforts of both the Ministries of Morale and Arcane Science. He'd protested at first but they told him they could really use his help. That this was the perfect job for him.

Who was he to argue?

The Ministries never lied.

He walked over to the Ministry mares, side by side with the pretty mare from before.

Upon seeing the two of them, Pinkie Pie's expression lit up. The smile she already wore stretched to impossible lengths. She rushed over to them and threw her arms around the mare who'd been studying the rock.

Apparently she was really excited to see her. She began to speak, so fast Sandy could barely comprehend. He was able to pick up on a couple key words, however. Hearing them, the identity of the pretty mare was revealed...and his jaw dropped halfway to the ground.

"Y-you're Pinkie Pie's..." He began only to be interrupted by the pink mare herself.

"Sandy! So glad you came! We could really use your help on this one."

Sandy let out a nervous chuckle. "Uhh..no problem."

Things were happening much too quickly for his mind to keep up. He still wasn’t quite over his previous revelation.

'Get it together Sandy.' he thought to himself. 'this isn't you!'

Sandy stood up straighter, adjusted the red tie he was wearing and cleared his throat.

"What I meant to say..." he began.

"Is that I've never been more excited him my life!" He shouted practically at the top of his lungs, trying to channel every bit of the party pony he was out.

The only one not off put by his sudden outburst was Pinkie Pie.

Instead she got even more excited than she had already been.

"Really?!"

"Really really! I'm not exactly sure what it is we'll be working on, but I know that whatever it is, it's gonna be great help to Equestria!"

"You really think so?" Pinkie asked.

Sandy changed his expression from excited, to deadly serious.

"Oh I don't think so..."

The others regarded him for a moment, with skeptical looks. Then as quickly as his expression changed, it whipped right back into the biggest, most excited, smile he could muster.

"I know so!"

"Well that makes two of us." The other ministry mare, Twilight Sparkle, interjected. "This project's crucial for our ministries, Pinkie. It'd be a huge step towards accomplishing the goals of both."

"What exactly are we working on?" The mare with the rock inquired.

Throughout the entire ordeal, she hadn't smiled or really shown anything resembling emotion at all.

Twilight smiled.

"Magic."

Sandy and Rock, both confused, raised an eyebrow at each other.

Twilight and Pinkie turned in unison and led the two other ponies down the hall, Pinkie more bouncing than trotting.

Neither Sandy nor Rock had any idea what was in store for them.

Nothing in Equestria could have prepared them for it, either…

~O.o~

Sortilege entered the hut of Smokin' Grass.

Throughout Sortilege's entire life, she had been surrounded by one color: grey.

It's not that the color grey bothered her much. She had kind of liked grey (but back in those days she had pretty much liked everything.)

When she first left her stable, the one respite she had from her terrible situation was all the new colors she had been introduced to. Most ponies fresh out of a stable would find the wasteland fairly ugly, but Sortilege had genuinely enjoyed the new plethora of colors before her. As much as could given her current circumstances, anyway.

Entering the home of Smokin' Grass, Sortilege's jaw dropped in awe.

The wasteland had nothing on this home! Smokin' Grass' home was covered from wall to wall in beautiful decorations, adorned with colors Sortilege hadn't been aware even existed!

Strange, tribal zebra masks lined the walls.

The furniture in the room was exotic and twisted into all sorts of weird shapes.

Sitting on one table was a lamp that particularly caught Sortilege's attention. It was bullet shaped and contained inside it some kind of liquid that seemingly defied gravity as bits and pieces of it floated up towards the top, then descended back downwards.

It was kinda freaky.

It was kinda trippy.

It was really cool.

Grass made a wide sweeping motion with his hoof. "Welcome...to casa de Grass! Make yourself at home, Sorts."

"It's really pretty." Sortilege remarked.

"Not as pretty as you." Grass answered slyly.

Sortilege blushed, but at that exact moment Scar inserted herself between the two Unicorns.

"Nope! I call dibs on Grass, Sorts! I already missed an opportunity to get laid once because of you!"

Sortilege blushed even more. She had been flattered before, but now her face was red for entirely different reasons.

"Woah! Easy there Scar. There's enough of me to go around." Grass said. "And how did she keep a pretty little thing like yourself from getting any?"

Scar's red coat turned even redder. She smiled briefly before jutting out her lower lip putting on a fake (and really adorable) pout.

"She shot me down, Grass. Flat out rejected me."

Grass gasped in mock shock. "Is this true, Sortilege? You turned down this amazing and beautiful young mare?"

Sortilege was at a loss for words. She began sputtering incoherently. "But...I ...she...I didn't...I mean...but..."

"How could you, Sorts?"

"Yeah!" Sugar had now joined the conversation. "How could you, Sorts?" She repeated. Sugar didn't actually care about the situation but she wasn't one to miss out on an opportunity to harass another pony.

"It's not like that!" Sortilege exclaimed. "She's great! Really! And very pretty. I'm just..."

Smokin' Grass and Scarlet both chuckled.

"We're just teasin' you, Sorts. Don't get too worked up now."

"I mean it though!" Sortilege continued. “I do like Scar! I do! It's just...I'm not gay."

All of the humor from Smokin' Grass's face disappeared and was replaced by something resembling bewilderment.

"Not gay? What do you mean you're not gay?"

Sortilege returned the bewildered look.

"I don't understand what's so confusing about that statement."

"Everypony's a little gay."

The delightful conversation was interrupted by a squealing Sugar, who had begun hopping up and down on the couch located in the center of the room.

"I fucking love this couch!"

"Well by all means make yourself at home Sugar." Grass chuckled.

"Seriously, Sortilege, come sit on this couch!" Sugar began. "It's the most comfortable couch in existence!"

Sortilege made her way over to the couch and took a seat next to the overly ecstatic filly.

True to Sugar's claims, it was the softest, most comfortable piece of furniture she had ever placed her rear end on, and it was certainly much needed after having spent the previous night sleeping in the dirt.

"Oh wow."

"I know right? I love this couch!"

At that moment, Skitz made her way over to the couch.

Now, it may have been one of the most comfortable couches in existence, but it was only really built for two.

That didn't stop Skitz.

The massive mare squeezed herself onto the couch with the other two, crushing Sugar in the process. The filly went from ecstatic to irritated rather quickly as she sat uncomfortably between the two older mares.

"Well hi Skitz!" She exclaimed with as much frustrated sarcasm as she could muster.

Skitz looked down at the filly and smiled, seemingly oblivious to the filly's frustration.

"Hello." She said.

Scar and Grass were laughing at the situation before Scar remembered something important.

"Oh hey Grass! I told Sortilege I had something for her when we got here."

“Oh?" Grass gave her a knowing smile. "Is it what I think it is?"

"You betcha."

"I'll be right back then."

With that Smokin' Grass made his way into the next room.

Sugar, still squished between Skitz and Sortilege, rolled her eyes.

"Really, Scar?"

"Yes really." Scar replied. "Don't be a little killjoy."

After a small amount of struggling, the young Unicorn was finally able to free herself from her sandwiched position.

"Ugh. You're the worst. It's so fucking nasty. I'll never understand the appeal."

"Deal with it, Sugar. What would be the point of coming to Smokin' Grass's place and not living up to his namesake?"

"Yeah, whatever..."

Sortilege was now genuinely curious. She turned to Skitz. "What are they talking about?" She asked.

Skitz smiled in response.

"Oh you'll see. It's gonna be fun."

At that moment, Smokin' grass returned. He now was wearing a saddle bag and levitated a small box with his magic.

"Okay, first thing’s first." He began. "Before we begin the festivities, I have some gifts for y'all."

That caught the attention of all three mares. Grass laid the saddle bag out. Opening the bag, he brought out a single, large pink pistol and levitated it over to Sugar.

"There you go Sugar. To replace the one you lost."

Sugar looked at the pistol with absolute glee.

"Get Money! Oh thank you, Grass!" She levitated out the other pistol she carried with her at all times. "Fuck Bitches has been so lonely since she lost her sister."

"Those are the stupidest names for any weapon ever Sugar." Scar said.

"Wait...what?" Sortilege asked.

"She named her pistols." Scar answered.

"Yeah!" Sugar exclaimed.

She turned the pistols so Sortilege could see the words engraved in fancy gold lettering on the sides.

"This is 'Fuck Bitches' and this is her sister 'Get Money.' I lost 'Get Money' on a job a while back. Now they're reunited and I have a matching set again!"

Sure enough, those exact words, written in surprisingly neat calligraphy were engraved on either gun.

Sortilege stared at the filly with a completely dumbfounded expression. Sugar never ceased to surprise her.

Sugar shrugged.

"It's like, my life's motto." she said with a proud look.

"Okay then..."

Smokin' grass proceeded to bring out the item from the bag.

It was another gun. To Sortilege it looked kind of like a revolver.

Only bigger.

Much bigger.

Massive in fact.

The bullets for that weapon must have at least been the size of her hoof. Grass levitated the weapon over to Skitz.

"Holy shit!" Sugar exclaimed. "Is that a fucking grenade launcher??"

"Sure is." Grass smiled. "Acquired this bad boy a while back. Figured if there was one pony in the wastes who could make the most use of it, it'd be Skitz."

Skitz stared at the weapon. She took it from Grass' magic and began to look it over.

"Oh wow. Thanks Grass." She proceeded to pull the weapon apart and examine it's individual parts.

"Skitz what the fuck are you doing?!" Sugar yelled.

"Relax, Sugar." Scar cut her off. "Skitz knows what she's doing. She can handle a gun better than most mares can handle their babies.”

Skitz continued examining the weapon.

"Oh wow! I can fit this with custom rounds!"

"Sure can." Grass answered. "Knew you'd like it."

"Yeah..."

Skitz expertly put the pieces of the gun back into place.

"I'm gonna have a lotta fun with this bad boy..."

For a brief moment Skitz' expression changed. The smile she wore was no longer absent minded or goofy. Instead it was...dark. Almost deranged. For a moment Skitz looked like the most evil pony in Equestria. Then as quickly as the look appeared, it was gone and was immediately replaced with her usual silly grin.

"Thanks again, Grass."

"You're welcome."

"What about me?" Scar asked. "Got anything for me, Grass?"

"Oh I got something for you Scar." He smiled coily at the crimson pegasus. "But it's gonna have to wait 'til later. There are children present."

He finished his sentence with a wink.

The area around Scar's cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red and she returned his wink and smile.

Meanwhile, Sugar was busy making gagging noises.

"You two are disgusting!"

Grass laughed.

"You'll learn someday, Sugar. You're still young. Now as far as payment goes, this is all free of charge. Along with as much ammo as I can supply. I love you girls. You always make my day."

Sugar smiled, and it was perhaps one of the first genuinely kind and appreciative smiles Sortilege had ever seen her wear.

"Thanks Grass. Really. You're the best."

"Yes, I am." Grass turned his attention to Sortilege. "Now...let's get started. I assume this is your first time?"

Sortilege began to feel slightly nervous.

"First time what?"

"She doesn't know what we're doing, Grass." Scar chimed in. "I wanted to make it a surprise."

"Oh I see. Well Sorts...get ready. You're about to have the time of your life."

He levitated the box that he had carried out with him. He brought it up close to Sortilege's face and opened it. Inside was an assortment of green herbs. A powerful aroma drifted from the box and Sortilege reeled back slightly.

"Ugh." Sugar moaned. "I'm not sticking around for this. You guys are idiots. Grass, you got any good books lying around?"

Grass pointed to a bookshelf located on the far side of the room.

"Knock yourself out."

“Literally.” Scar piped after Grass’ statement.

Sugar gave Scar a sharp look before decided to ignore it. Whatever, Scar was stupid anyway.

"Don't mind if I do!" The filly trotted over the bookshelf and began to look through them.

Sortilege's attention remained on the box and the strange herbs inside them. The nervousness from before was joined by genuine confusion.

"What is it?" She asked.

"This, my fair Sortilege, is the miracle herb."

That didn't really answer her question.

"What does it do?"

"Oh, we'll show you."

Grass used his magic to levitate over a vase that had been sitting on his table. At least Sortilege had assumed it was a vase. Grass proceeded to place the herb into a little metal thing that stuck out the side of the vase. When he was finished he turned his attention to Scar.

"Should we demonstrate first? Or just let her have the first hit seeing as it's her first time and all?"

"Let her have the first hit. It's simple enough."

"Okay then. Okay Sorts, so what you do is you place your mouth over this end here, then I'm gonna light this end and you're gonna suck and a bunch of smoke is going to collect in this part here. Then I'm gonna pull this end out and you're gonna inhale the smoke just like you're smoking a cigarette. Try and hold the smoke in for as long as you can. Got it?"

Sortilege was still confused but upon hearing the word 'cigarette' her nerves eased up a little.

"Yeah, I think I got it."

"Okay. Ready?"

"Yeah."

She placed her mouth over the end of the vase.

"This is gonna be great." Scar said.

She and Skitz looked on with anticipating looks.

Grass lit the end. "Okay I'm gonna pull it out ready? One. Two. Three."

He pulled the end out and Sortilege sucked in the smoke that had collected within the vase.

It was not like smoking a cigarette at all. It was much harsher. Sortilege tried to hold it in but only lasted a few seconds before erupting into a coughing fit. A dense cloud of smoke burst out of her mouth and Sortilege tried her best to regain her composure. She could not stop coughing for the life of her.

"Oh geez." Scar said. "That was a pretty big hit."

"Yeah, it was." Grass grabbed a nearby canteen and offered Sortilege some water. "How you feel, Sorts?"

Sortilege guzzled down the liquid and was finally able to stop her coughing.

"I'm fine now. Thank you."

"Yeah." Grass chuckled. "Just give it a minute."

Grass, Scar and Skitz all looked at Sortilege with knowing smiles.

A minute passed.

Then two.

Then three.

Then four.

Then… an eternity.

Slowly but surely, time lost all meaning to Sortilege Harmony.

She smiled. She smiled like she had never smiled before.

She laughed.

"Guys...what is happening right now?"

That question should have been disturbing, but Sortilege thought it was the funniest thing she had ever said. She thought everything was hilarious. She laughed.

She slid back into the couch. The comfiest couch in all the wastes. In all the world.

She felt relaxed.

Happy.

All of Sortilege's cares and all her worries had just gone up in smoke.

~O.o~

Sandy followed behind the three mares.

They had been very vague about what exactly it was that he was going to be working on. The only thing he knew for sure was that it was important.

Twilight seemed very excited for it, whatever it was.

The pretty mare from before, which Sandy had taken to calling Rock because she had yet to properly introduce herself, would be overseeing the operation.

She'd be Sandy's boss, at least for the time being.

That was going to make things more difficult for Sandy, and it would be an obstacle he was already determined to overcome. From the moment he had laid eyes on her, he'd been entranced. There was something about this mare.

The one thing that had really caught his attention was her smile....or rather her total lack of one.

She never smiled. Not once had Sandy seen her smile.

She didn't necessarily seem unhappy or anything of the sort. She didn't seem to convey any type of emotion, really.

Sandy couldn't stand for that.

His special talent was getting others to smile and he vowed to himself that he would get one out of her, one way or another.

He was determined to get Rock to smile.

Twilight and Pinkie led them through the corridors of the building.

The facility they were to be working in was located at the far end of Equestria, on the inside of a mountain. The mountain had previously contained a mine, dug by a race of canine creatures obsessed with collecting diamonds.

The Ministry of Arcane Science had since relocated the creatures elsewhere and had procured the mine for their own use. The place no longer bore any resemblance to a mine whatsoever.

Areas where before there was nothing but rock and earth had now been replaced by chrome metallic walls.

Gigantic pipes ran across the ceiling while maintenance and security robots stood at every corner.

It was all very...science-y. At least that's the best way Sandy could think to put it. As they walked deeper into the facility, Twilight briefed them on the project.

"Fluttershy's Ministry actually came up with the idea. Her first thought was to implement the technology into healing spells. Then we started thinking of ways that the other Ministries might be able to make use of them as well."

Sandy had been floored by the information he'd received.

Megaspells. Spells capable of affecting an entire city area. The possibilities were endless, Twilight had told them.

She was convinced it would change the face of the war entirely.

"This facility is one of many that we're using to develop the technology required for them." Twilight continued. "The project you're working on will be Morale’s contribution to the project."

"Ohhhh!" Pinkie exclaimed, barely able to contain herself. "I’m so excited!"

"So, what kind of Megaspell will we be making?" Sandy asked.

"A mood spell. A spell that can instantaneously change the disposition of anypony." Twilight answered, informative as ever.

"How is that supposed to help the war effort?" Rock inquired.

Twilight stopped and turned to face the other mare.

"Have you ever heard of 'wartime stress disorder?'"

Sandy and Rock both nodded.

Twilight returned the nod. "It's becoming a huge issue, in the public and on the battlefield. Ponies are losing hope. Without hope, there's no way we can win. That's what this spell can do - bring some hope back to the citizens of Equestria.”

"It's a happy bomb!!" Pinkie interjected.

"Basically...yes. Now come along. We have someone to introduce you to."

Pinkie Pie's excitement died down immediately. She lowered her head and stuck out her tongue.

"Ugh. Not Rise N' Shine. This is the part I wasn't looking forward to."

Pinkie's reaction caused Sandy and Rock to exchange a look between themselves. It was rare to see Pinkie not excited over anything, let alone meeting with another pony. Sandy began to grow worried about who they were getting ready to meet. He couldn’t see it on her face, but he could tell just by the look deep inside those eyes that Pinkie’s statement caused Rock to worry too.

As they continued down the hall, Twilight commenced giving them information on the project.

"The pony in charge of the project, Rise N' Shine, is one of our best technicians with the Ministry of Arcane science. The progress she's made in the field of mind altering magic is amazing. Her personality though...well, she's a little..."

"Crazy." Pinkie Pie finished for her.

"Well, she's a little strange." Twilight corrected and then thought for a moment. "Okay, she's pretty weird, but she is a genius nonetheless."

Sandy and Rock exchanged yet another look. Now Pinkie Pie of all ponies was referring to others as crazy. What exactly did a pony have to do to make Pinkie Pie think you were crazy? Sandy began to feel just a little uneasy.

The group continued deeper into the mountain.

As they continued on, the hallway became gradually wider and more and more robots began to appear. Sandy noticed that as they progressed, the machinery began to look...stranger. The robots littering the halls weren't standard models. Each one was unique. All shapes and size of different machines, scurrying about each performing their duties.

Sandy also noticed that he hadn't seen another pony since entering the facility…

The group came to the end of the hall. A giant iron door stood in front of them.

In front of the door stood a creature that Sandy never thought he'd actually get to see up close. It was triple the size of any of them. It stood on two hoofed legs, arms folded over over its wide muscled chest. A bovine head sat atop the creatures broad shoulders. An incredibly stern look plastered to it's face.

Twilight trotted up to the minotaur.

"Hello Max. We're here to see Rise N' Shine. Mind letting us through?"

"Identification."

The minotaur responded in the deepest voice Sandy had ever heard. He didn't know a voice could actually get that deep.

"Max, it's me." Twilight continued. "Twilight Sparkle? I've been here a dozen times, remember?"

The minotaur didn't respond vocally. He simply glared down at the ministry mare.

Twilight gulped. She levitated out her ID badge and gave it to the massive creature.

"Well, uh...glad to know security’s doing its job." She let out a nervous chuckle.

The minotaur took the identification card and scanned it through a panel next to the door. There was confirmatory sound and the door slowly began to slide open. The minotaur stepped aside and the group walked in past him. Sandy found himself trotting at a slightly quicker pace as he walked by the strange and intimidating hybrid.

The room past the doors was massive and populated with even more robots and strange scientific instruments. Various pipes, filled with different colored luminescent liquid ran along the walls. There were several computer stations littered throughout the area. The room wasn't very well lit and a strange eeriness lingered in the air.

Twilight led them over to the far side of the room.

Stationed at a workbench, seemingly oblivious to everything going on around her, stood the room’s only other pony occupant. A unicorn mare. All of her attention focused on a strange metallic box sitting on the table. Her dark blue mane was an absolute mess and her pale yellow coat was filthy. A pair of thick boxy glasses sat on the end of her muzzle and she wore a dirty lab coat that barely fit her. She was more than a little overweight and it was very evident that she didn't take good care of herself.

Sandy didn't want to be mean but he thought to himself that if Rock was the prettiest mare he'd ever seen...this mare might have been one of the ugliest.

She didn't seem notice the three other ponies approach her from behind. Twilight cleared her throat to get her attention.

The mare turned. She looked at the trio with a wide eyed expression for almost a solid minute, not saying anything and not blinking once. Her head was shaking, vibrating. It didn't seem like she had any control over it at all.

Finally the mare spoke. "I'm m-m-making t-t-t-t-t-t-t..."

The metallic box that had previously been the focus of all her attention dinged and two slices of badly burnt bread shot out from it.

"T-toast."

The three stared at her and she stared back, shaking. Unblinking.Sandy didn't know what to think of her. She seemed...a little off. Sandy was going to be working with this mare for a long time. He suddenly began to have doubts about the project.

Finally it was Twilight who broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Well...that's...nice. Ummm...we came here to introduce you to the ponies that you'll be working with on the project."

Sandy introduced himself, followed by Rock.

The mare stared back at them with the same wide eyed, non-blinking expression from before. Her mouth twitched and curled into something Sandy figured was her version of a smile. Sandy lived to make ponies smile and until now he firmly believed everypony in the world should have one at all times.

Now he wasn't so sure...

"N-nice to m-meet you. I'm R-R-Rise N' Sh-shine."

"Great. Now that introductions are out of the way, let's get to the tour." Twilight said. "Show them what they'll be working on, Rise N' Shine."

"R-right this w-way."

The group followed behind Rise N' Shine as she led them around the room. Sandy was trying to wrap his mind around the strange mare when he tripped over a power cable and fell flat on his face.

"W-watch y-y-your st-step.”

"Thanks."

Sandy got up, dusted himself off and continued on. The entire facility gave him the creeps. He was supposed to help create a happiness inducing Megaspell in this place? With a mare who never smiled and a pony who was maybe more than a little off, the project seemed doomed from the start.

The time ahead would prove to be the most interesting times of Sandy's life...

~O.o~

Sortilege sat on the couch watching Smokin' Grass's strange lamp. She'd been staring at that lamp for hours. Or possibly days. Or perhaps only minutes. Possibly mere seconds. Time no longer had any meaning to her. Whatever Grass had given her, the miracle herb, was definitely the right name. She sat there, watching the strange green fluid float up to the top of the lamp, then seemingly disappeared. Where did it go? What was it made of? How did it work? Was it magic? Probably. Sortilege didn't know for sure. She just watched the lamp. If she could just watch the lamp for the rest of her life she'd be happy. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Skitz was seated next to her. She'd taken a hit as well. Her demeanor didn't seem to change all that much. She sat on the couch, motionless with that same, absent minded smile she always wore. Only real difference being that her eyes were now red and puffy.

Scar was laying on the ground at the foot of the couch. She was in the middle of taking her third hit. Naturally she had a much higher tolerance than Sorts. She inhaled the smoke from the vase. Before she exhaled, Grass, who was lying next to her, caught her chin in his magic aura and maneuvered her face around to meet his.

He kissed her and she exhaled the smoke into his lungs. They both smiled as they parted and Grass blew the smoke out through his teeth. The smoke swirled around the two as they locked eyes.

Scar giggled. "That was wicked cool."

"That was really fucking lame actually. You're such a slut Scar." Sugar was seated on the far end of the room next to Grass's bookshelf. She had on her pair of broken reading glasses and had her nose buried in a book. She had decided on keeping as much distance as she could from the gang at this current moment.

Sortilege finally turned her attention from the lamp and towards the filly. Everything seemed slowed down.

"Sugar." she said in a whisper. The goofiest smile she'd ever worn in her life plastered to her face. "You're so mean." She laughed.

Everything was hilarious.

Sugar didn't look up from her book.

"And you're really fucking high. Don't talk to me right now. I hate dealing with ponies when they're not sober. Right now, all of you are unbearable."

"Sugar..." Sortilege repeated herself.She turned her attention back to the lamp, giggling as she did. "You're so mean."

"You're having a great time right now aren't ya Sorts?" Scar inquired.

"This lamp..." She kept her eyes glued to the object. It was as if nothing else existed. She was determined discover its secrets. The mystery of the magic lamp. "How does this lamp....lamp?"

Everyone in the room besides Sugar laughed. Sugar groaned and went back to reading her book. Scar and Grass were in tears. Even Skitz had snapped out of her daze and was chuckling immensely.

Sortilege turned her attention to the large mare seated next to her.

"Skitz, do you know how this lamp..." She chuckled again. "...Lamps?"

She burst out laughing.

Skitz giggled and her smile widened.

"...What?" Then she joined in the outburst of laughter.

The group laughed for a time. Sugar covered her ears with her magic. To think she'd been excited to come to Grass's place. She couldn't even sit on the comfy couch anymore. When the laughter finally died down a bit Skitz turned to Sortilege.

"I'm going to touch your nose."

"No!" Sortilege smiled, laughed and tried to distance herself from the other mare but was unsuccessful. She could barely move. Why was everything moving so slow? "Skitz don't touch my nose!"

"I'm gonna touch it!" Skitz said in a playful, sing song voice.

"No!" Sortilege protested but couldn't stop herself from giggling hysterically. "Skitz don't touch my nose! It'll bother me."

"I'm gonna touch it!" Skitz raised her hoof and started to slowly bring her hoof closer to Sortilege's face.

"No!"

"I'm gonna do it!"

"Skitz no!"

The hoof finally reached it's destination.

"Boop!"

Sortilege and Skitz both erupted into laughter again.

"Oh!" Sortilege wriggled the end of her nose. "Oh bother."

"Oh. My. Gawd!" Sugar had finally had enough. "You're all idiots! All of you! I don't know how much more of this I can take!"

"Oh lighten up Sugar." Grass interjected. Then he had an idea. "Hey! I got something really cool to show you."

Grass got up and walked over to a safe on the other side of the room. It took him a moment to remember the combination. When he finally did he brought with him a large, strange metal tube shaped weapon of some kind.

Sugar's eyes widened. She realized immediately what the weapon was.

"Is that what I think it is?!" She could barely contain her excitement.

"Sure is." Grass replied. He gave the weapon over to her. "Check it out."

Sugar looked over the weapon in wonderment. For a moment, she actually looked like a child. A child who had just been given the greatest birthday gift she's ever received.

She touched it, just to make sure it was real. She smiled. It was the genuine article. Sugar had dreamed of being able to hold one for as long as she could remember. Now the moment was finally here. Then Grass asked a question and in doing so fulfilled Sugar's wildest dreams.

"Wanna go shoot it?"

The little filly looked up at him. Mouth open in amazement and disbelief at the stallions inquiry.

"Really?" She said in a whisper.

"Yup. C'mon let's all head outside."

Sugar got to all four hooves and ran full speed at the stallion, embracing his leg upon impact.

"Oh Grass thank you! This is the nicest thing anypony has ever done for me! Thank you so much!"

"No problem Sugar."

With that the filly let go of the stallions leg and bolted out the door with the weapon in tow. Screaming as she went.

"I'm so fucking excited!!"

Grass turned to the rest of the ponies occupying the room.

"C'mon. Let's go watch."

Scar laughed. "You're really gonna let her shoot that thing? Are you nuts?"

Grass walked over to Scar. He bent down and whispered in her ear.

Scar started laughing even more.

"Wow Grass. You're an asshole."

Scar got to her hooves and walked over to Sortilege, who was had returned to mission of discovering the secrets of the magic lamp.

"C'mon Sorts. We're heading out."

Sortilege laughed. "Scar...I can't...move."

She laughed even harder after that.

"Yes you can. Get up." Scar helped Sortilege stand up. As soon as she was back on her hooves she sat right back down again. Scar got her up a second time and once again she simply sat right back down. This cycle repeated another three times.

"Damn, you are irritating when you're high."

Sortilege's goofy expression faded instantly and was replaced with one of utter horror.

"Oh no! Don't be mad at me Scar! I don't want you to be mad at me! I'm standing up now."

She stood on her own this time. As soon as she was upright her head began to fall forward on it's own. If Scar hadn't been there to catch her she would have landed flat on her face.

"Oh..." Sortilege wobbled, trying desperately to keep her balance. "Oh...bother..."

"C'mon Sorts I'll help you out." Scar draped a wing around Sortilege's body and headed for the back door after Grass. She was almost to the door when she noticed that they were short one member.

"You comin' Skitz?"

Skitz didn't reply. Somehow she seemed even less aware of her surroundings than she normally did. She didn't reply to Scar's question or even notice that Scar was addressing her at all. She simply stared at the ceiling, blissfully unaware of anything happening outside of her own little world.

"Guess not." Scar lead Sortilege over to the back door where Grass was waiting for them. "Grass, one question..."

"What's up beautiful?"

"Where'd you get a balefire egg launcher anyway?"

Chapter Six: This house is on fire

"Everything burns!"

For four months, Sandy's life was a living hell. For four months, he'd been living in the facility. For four months, he'd had no contact with any other pony besides the two mares he worked with. For four months, every single day Sandy had been hooked into various machines and subjected to various tests that lasted hours on end. He didn't have a clue what the machines did or what the tests were for specifically. He just knew they were important and that he needed to endure them. That's what he was told at least. Didn't make the tests any less unbearable.

For four months...Sandy slowly lost his mind.

The machines were bad enough, but his time in the facility was made all the worse by the ponies he worked with. Somehow he'd been stuck with the two most anti-social mares in all of Equestria. No matter how hard he had tried, he couldn't get Rock to laugh. He'd pulled out his best material, everything he could think of, he had an arsenal of hilariousity at his disposal and nothing. Absolutely nothing. He'd have had more luck getting an actual rock to laugh. Still, everyday, he kept trying. One way or another he'd get a reaction out of that mare. If it was the last thing he did.

Rise N' Shine was an entirely different story. He'd succeeded in making her laugh once. He had just told her one of his favorite jokes. She hadn't laughed right away. Only chuckled. Then slowly but surely it evolved into something resembling a cackle. She didn't close her eyes while laughing as a lot of ponies tend to do. They remained pried open. They were always open. She stared right at him with her freaky unblinking eyes the entire time. The laugh itself sounded like nothing Sandy had ever heard or would ever wish to hear again. That sound would haunt his nightmares for years to come. Then there was her smile. Her weird, twisted smile. Smiles were Sandy's favorite thing. He lived to make other ponies smile but he could live his entire life without ever having to see Rise N' Shine smile again. Sandy wasn't even sure he could pinpoint exactly what it was that made her smile so horrible. There simply wasn't a logical way to describe it. It was just weird, creepy and altogether unpleasant.

Everything about Rise N' Shine was unpleasant.

Sandy had struggled to find some sort of redeeming quality in the mare but repeatedly came up with nothing. He could write a book on her flaws though. A very long book. A novel even. The mare had nothing resembling personal hygiene whatsoever. Every day Sandy would leave his quarters, head down the hall to the laboratory and over to his station where he'd meet with Rise N' Shine. Every day he'd greet her and she'd greet him back and the moment she opened her mouth he'd be bombarded with...the smell. Like most qualities Rise N' Shine possessed, the smell was an enigma. Like her laugh, Rise N' Shine's breath was unlike anything he'd ever encountered or could possibly put into words. It simply wasn't natural. What was she even eating? She had to be eating the same food he was seeing as they lived in the same place. What possible combination of foods could produce that smell?! It had to more than simply neglecting to brush her teeth. Even that couldn't have been enough to produce such a rancid odor. It was worse than rotten eggs. So Sandy had come to the conclusion that the smell had to be some sort of natural emission produced by Rise N' Shine herself.

If her breath wasn't bad enough, she never seemed to bathe either. Or perhaps she did but just like her breath, her body produced the odor naturally. If that was the case, Sandy couldn't really fault her but considering the constant filthy state of her mane or the fact that she very clearly never washed her lab coat, he was more inclined to believe that her body odor was due to simple neglect.

If the smell wasn't bad enough, actually talking with her was possibly the most frustrating experience Sandy could imagine. Due to her stutter, it took her forever to say even the simplest sentence. It made it impossible to have a conversation with her. He knew the stutter wasn't her fault and she didn't do it on purpose but being stuck in a facility, for months on end, with a pony who couldn't hold a conversation...to put it lightly, it was driving Sandy mad.

And last but certainly not least...there were the tests. Rise N' Shine had the worst bedside manner imaginable. Whenever they began a new test she'd hook him up to some weird, random machine and begin the test without communicating any information to Sandy whatsoever. He would have no idea what a machine was for or what it was going to do to him. She'd just plug him in and go. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it was just plain uncomfortable. Once, she had taken his blood. She never told him she'd be taking his blood, just trotted up to him with a needle, stuck him with it and began to extract his precious fluids.

The worst had been the time she'd hooked him up to a machine that sent him into uncontrollable fits of laughter. It'd actually been somewhat nice at first. He liked laughing. Then the laughter didn't stop. Then it became difficult for him to breath. The fits of laughter grew and grew and he became alarmed. He had looked to Rise N' Shine for some sort of reassurance. For her to tell him that this was all part of the test. That he was going to be okay. She had been paying no attention to him though. Her unblinking eyes glued to a monitor. Did she know what was happening? Did she care? She wouldn't let him die...would she? Eventually the machine powered down and Sandy was saved. He had confronted Rise N' Shine about the incident but received little response and no apology. She simply told him, it was all part of the "t-t-test" and walked away. The experience had left Sandy too terrified to go back the next day. He had called in sick. He wasn't sure how much more of her he'd be able to take.

Four months passed with Sandy performing the same routine, day in and day out. He'd wake up. He'd eat breakfast. He'd go to the lab and participate in Rise N' Shine's dreadful experiments. He and Rise N' Shine would then give a report of the experiment’s findings to Rock. He'd try and make Rock laugh. He'd fail. Then he'd go back to his quarters and lay down in bed, dreading the day to come.

Sandy tried telling himself that it was worth it. That what he was doing was for the good of Equestria. Those thoughts didn't help much...and Sandy was unsure how much more he could endure before losing his mind completely…

~O.o~

Scar, Sortilege and Grass joined Sugar outside behind the shack. The filly sat on the ground, glaring at the group and tapping her hoof impatiently.

"What took you so fucking long?"

"Chill, Sugar." Grass replied. "We're here now. Let's get cracking."

Sugar jumped back to her hooves. All of her previous excitement came rushing back to her in an instant. She smiled the biggest smile she could muster. For once, she seemed to actually be behaving like a child.

Sortilege started wondering just how old Sugar actually was. She had her cutie mark but judging from her size she couldn't have had it for very long. Even though she looked very much like a child, she hardly ever behaved like one. For as young as she was Sugar came across as fairly intelligent even if she did have a foul temper. She also seemed to be extremely skilled with her telekinetic spell. Sortilege could barely use telekinesis at all when she was that young. Even now, she doubted she could wield objects as heavy as the ones Sugar lifted with such ease and skill. Like most of the ponies she had encountered on her bizarre journey, Sugar was a complete enigma.

However, with the way she was acting right now, Sortilege found herself using a term she never thought she'd use when thinking of Sugar: cute.

Sugar was hopping up and down, filled to the brim with excitement. She seemed more childlike than ever. She reminded Sortilege of all the children she interacted with back at her stable. This was how children were supposed to act.

Then Sortilege remembered the reason for Sugar's excitement was due to the fact that she was getting a chance to play with a dangerous weapon. It was slightly disturbing...but cute nonetheless.

Sugar turned to Grass. "Let's get started! Gimme some ammo!"

Grass levitated a small, green egg over to Sugar. The filly loaded the egg into the front end of the launcher then lifted it up and aimed out into the distance.

"Cover your ears, Sorts. This is gonna be loud!"

Sortilege covered her ears and felt her heart sink a little when her hoof touched the little nub that was the remainder of her left ear. Grass and Scar didn't follow suit. Rather than cover their own ears, they just stood there giggling to themselves.

Sugar paused. She wanted to savor the moment. She thought back to her early childhood. The group of raiders who raised her had once acquired a balefire egg launcher. They only had one egg to shoot but Sugar had been present when they used it. The explosion had been the most miraculous sight she'd ever laid her eyes on. The mayhem. The carnage. Ponies caught in the blast being instantly vaporized where they stood. It was beautiful. Ever since that day she'd dreamed of causing that same level of destruction that she had witnessed. Now that day was finally here. She was about to live her dream.

She levitated the barrel higher, as to make sure the egg would land as far away from them as possible. She smiled wide in anticipation...then she pulled the trigger.

The egg shot forth from the launcher and sailed over the horizon. Sugar tracked it with her eyes. Eventually the egg disappeared entirely from her vision. She waited eagerly for the detonation. She waited...and waited...and waited...

...but it never came.

"Huh?"

Off to the side, Grass and Scar began laughing hysterically and Sortilege looked on, just as confused as Sugar was.

"Why didn't it go off?" Sugar asked. "Where's the boom?"

"It was a dud!" Grass managed to get out in between fits of laughter.

"Then give me a real one!" Sugar yapped.

"I'm not giving you a real one! You're not shooting off a balefire egg in my backyard you little psycho!"

Grass and Scar fell to the ground clutching their sides. Sortilege remained confused as she failed to see the humor of the matter. She wasn't the only one.

"But...you said..." Sugar began.

Scar cut her off. "This is what you get for being such a brat all the time!"

Scar and Grass continued laughing. To Sortilege it seemed they finding much more humor in the situation than what was warranted. Probably the drugs.

Sortilege turned her attention away from the laughing duo and focused on Sugar. The little filly stood motionless. She had dropped the launcher and it was now laying on the ground next to her. Her head hung low and her mane obscured her face.

"Sugar?" Sortilege walked over to the younger unicorn. When she got close she noticed little droplets of water trickling down from behind Sugar's mane.

"Are you okay?"

Sugar didn't reply. She didn't move and her face remained hidden behind her mane.

"Umm..." Sortilege was unsure how to approach the situation. She'd dealt with crying fillies before...but never one quite like Sugar before.

"Sugar it's, okay..."

"Fuck off Sorts. Get away from me." Sugar was trying her best to maintain her composure. Sortilege looked at her in bewilderment. She wanted to help but had no idea what to do.

She turned to Grass and Scar who were still lying on the ground, tears of their own streaming from their eyes. "Guys..."

They didn't hear her.

"Guys." She repeated louder, drawing their attention this time. "You made her cry..."

Sugar finally sprang into motion. She whipped her head up to Sortilege and screamed. "Fuck you, Sorts! I'm not crying!" Sortilege finally got a clear view of the filly’s face. The puffiness and moisture surrounding her eyes betrayed her words.

Grass and Scar were finally able to regain their composure. They went from hysterical laughter to short giggles and, while their smiles didn't fade away completely, they shrunk and their eyes adopted a look of slight guilt.

"Awww Sugar, don't cry." Scar began, still giggling slightly. "It was just a joke."

Sugar closed her eyes and turned her head away from the group. "Fuck you guys." She sniffled.

Sortilege genuinely felt bad for the filly. She wanted to reach down and give her a hug, but considering the pony she happened to be dealing with she didn't consider it the wisest course of action.

"Sugar." Grass called over, finally able to fend off his giggling fits. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd take it so bad."

Sugar didn't respond. She didn't even turn her head to look at him. She kept her back turned and her head hung low.

"C'mon. Let's all head back inside. I'll think of something to make it up to you, okay?"

Again,no response from the filly. Not verbally, at least. Eventually she nodded and began to make her way towards the door. Her head low and a glare etched into her face. Her cheeks wet from the tears that had escaped her eyes.

Grass and Scar followed after her. Scar had yet to completely stifle her giggles and Grass shot her a bemused look.

"What? I'm sorry, but I don't feel that bad for her! You know she deserved it."

"Yeah." Grass replied. "I didn't want to make her cry, though. Guess it's hard to remember sometimes Sugar's just a kid..."

Sortilege watched them go back into the house. She stood by herself for a while, mulling over Sugar's reaction. Sugar was a child...but this had been the first time Sortilege had seen her actually act like one. She thought about the children in her stable. All of them, sweet and innocent. She saw a little hint of that in Sugar just now...but the majority of the time she was nasty, foul tempered and mean. Why'd she behave that way? What turned her into such a little...bitch? Sortilege surveyed the land around her and found the answer.

The wasteland.

It did something to ponies. It changed them. It chewed up anything sweet and innocent. Nopony could survive out here for very long if they didn't toughen up.

She wondered how the wasteland would end up changing her. What would she have to become to survive in this place? If she survived in this place…

That thought left her mind as she remembered a much more pressing issue for the moment.

"The lamp!"

She darted back into the shack as quickly as her hooves would carry her.

~O.o~

At five in the morning, every morning, Sandy's alarm sounded. He hated that alarm. Not because it woke him up. Most nights he did very little sleeping. He hated that alarm because every time it went off it signaled the start of another day. Another day of getting absolutely no where with Rock. Another day with Rise N' Shine and her awful experiments.

Another day in hell.

Another day of the exact same thing. It was borderline torture. He kept reminding himself of what he was doing. He was helping Equestria. He was going to bring smiles back to everyponies faces. He told himself it'd all be worth it. He tried to convince himself it'd be okay. Still, he seemed unable to will himself out of his bed.

He was bringing smiles back to Equestria...at the cost of his own…

'Nonsense!' He told himself. 'The experiments aren't THAT bad! When this is over I'll throw the biggest gosh-darn party Equestria has ever seen! It's going to be worth it. Now quit being a ninny Sandy! You got work to do!'

With those thoughts he leaped from bed and got ready for the day. He headed down the corridor towards the laboratory, all the while telling himself that this day would be different. Something new was going to happen today! He could feel it. Sandy had a special sense about these sort of things and right now that special sense was going absolutely bonkers!

He was right...something new was about to happen that day...however, he could never in his wildest dreams have predicted what it was.

~O.o~

Sortilege was right back on the couch. The lamp was once again the focus of all her attention. She had even given it a name at this point: 'Lampy.'

Names weren't Sortilege's strong point.

Sugar sat at the foot of the couch, looking as grumpy as ever. She hadn't said a word to anyone since returning to the shack, clearly still immensely upset over the Balefire Launcher incident.

Grass and Scar lay on the ground in the middle of the room. Flirting and nuzzling each other. Whispering sweet nothings in each others ear. Skitz sat on the couch next to Sortilege still staring off into space.

Grass whispered something into Scar's ear. Her cheeks reddened further and she began giggling uncontrollably. Her giggling turned into a moan as Grass began nibbling on her ear gently. If the other two adults in the room had been in their right minds the situation might have made them uncomfortable. They didn't notice at all though. Too preoccupied with the ceiling and strange, mysterious light sources.

The filly in the room had her wits about her completely. She responded to the display of affection by turning her head away and making rude gagging noises.

Grass ceased his nibbling and turned his attention to Sugar. "You still sore over there, Sugar?"

She didn't respond. Not vocally, at least. She fixed Grass with the meanest glare she could muster. If looks could kill…

Scar turned her attention to the filly as well and smiled. "You're so cute when you're angry like that, Sugar."

"Shut the fuck up, Scar!" Sugar snapped.

"She is, though." Grass laughed. "You're adorable."

"Fuck you both!"

Skitz finally took her attention off the ceiling. She looked over at Sugar and smiled as well.

"Hey Sugar...who's a cutie?" she said in a playful, goofy tone, like one would use when addressing a foal.

Sugar didn't respond. She glared hard at the floor.

"Oh my gosh." Sortilege joined in as well now. "She IS kinda cute when she's mad." Sortilege laughed and earned herself a death glare from the filly as well.

Sugar scowled at all of them. Terrible thoughts of what she could do to them in their sleep ran through her head. She faced away from them and spoke in a voice barely above a whisper.

"...I'm not cute..."

"Oh my gosh, THAT was adorable." Scar cried out as she erupted into a fit of laughter beside Smokin' Grass. "Sugar, you can deny it all you want but you're freakin' adorable right now!"

Grass spoke up as well. "Sugar...hey Sugar...Who's a little cutie?" he said, mimicking the tone Skitz had used earlier.

Sugar kept her head turned. No foal’s game was going to work on her. She refused!

However, Despite her best efforts to stay mad she felt certain muscles begin to twitch in her cheek.

"Who's a cutie?"

The filly fought against the smile that had begun to form on her face. She wouldn't give in. She was stronger than that.

"Come on, Who's a little cutie?"

Despite her best efforts the smile eventually forced its way onto her face and she turned her head back to face the stallion.

"Who's a cutie?!" He repeated shaking his head playfully as the words left his mouth.

Sugar looked at the floor bashfully. Then looked back to Grass and raised her hoof, pointing it at herself. "...Me?"

"Yes you are!" Grass replied, and proceeded to scoop the filly up in his magic and place her between himself and Scar. The duo began mercilessly tickling the young filly.

Sugar burst with laughter. Her sour disposition melted away entirely. Sortilege looked on the scene with a warm smile. It was odd even in her state to see Sugar giggling, or to see Scar being the reason behind her giggles. She was actually having a good time. It was nice to be able to have a little time to take her mind off of things.

Eventually the two tired out and ceased their attack. Sugar looked up at them, laughter induced tears in her eyes. She glared at them but smiled as she did so.

"You guys are still jerks."

"Yeah, but we love ya, Sugar." Grass replied. "Tell you what. I got a bunch of old targets out back that I don't really use anymore....why don't you go out and practice on 'em with your flamer?"

Sugar jumped to her hooves, every bit as excited as she'd been earlier. "Really Grass?! You mean it!?"

"Yeah, really. Go nuts." Grass smiled and ruffled her hair.

"Grass, are you crazy?" Scar protested. "That little pyromaniac is gonna burn the whole shack down!"

"We owe it to her, Scar. We were a lot meaner than we should have been and she'll be fine."

Sugar stuck her tongue out at Scar before retrieving her flamer from Skitz and heading towards the back door. The fillies maniacal laughter the last thing they heard before the door closed behind her.

So much for being cute....

The room went silent for a few minutes. Skitz stared at the ceiling. Sortilege stared at the lamp. Scar and Grass took another hit and began making out on the floor.

After several minutes of the group sitting and doing nothing, Sortilege felt a strange sensation. A sensation she'd felt countless times over her life but never this potent before. A single thought entered Sortilege's mind, a thought that completely consumed her. Nothing else was important. She had to act now. She had to do something about it.

She turned to Grass and Scar and stated calmly "Guys...if I don't get some food right now I think I'm going to die."

Grass and Scar who had previously been occupied entwining their muzzles together both pulled away and began laughing.

"You're not gonna die, Sorts." Grass said between giggles. He stood. "I'll go get us all some grub. Sound good?"

"Sounds great."

After he left the room, having just lost her only source of entertainment, Scar decided to strike up a conversation.

"So Sorts, how you liking the wasteland?"

Sorts smiled. "It's not so bad, I suppose. Once you get used to it."

Scar laughed "Yeah, pretty sure that's the herb talking. Wasteland’s fucking terrible. Most days I wish I lived in a Stable.”

Stable. Upon hearing that word Sortilege's smile disappeared. She hadn't thought about her Stable since entering Grass's house. Now, even in spite of the drugs, she began to feel overcome with sadness. It had been her home. The only place she ever knew. All the events of the past few days came rushing back to her. How terrifying they had been. How she'd lost her ear. She looked at Skitz and Scar for a moment and thought.

They'd been in Smokin' Grass's shack for a few hours now. Smoking together. Laughing together. Having fun together. Acting like friends together.

They weren't her friends though. They were her kidnappers. They were going to sell her for bottlecaps. Bottlecaps! Little thin sheets of metal! She’d thrown away at least several dozen in her stable! The mares were going to leave her fate to the hooves of the pony who sought her, no matter their intention. Skitz, Sugar and Scar may not have been the ponies who wiped out her Stable...but if they had gotten to it before the others…

Sortilege thought back to her Stable again. Remembering the good times she had. The nice doctor. The kind old mare who baked her cookies. The children she taught. All gone.

Smokin' Grass entered the room again, levitating a tray of food. He noticed Sorts sudden change of disposition. "You okay Sorts?"

"Just thinking about my Stable...I miss it."

"Awww. Poor girl." Grass laid back down next to Scar and began passing around the assortment of snacks he'd brought with him.

"Yeah." Sortilege lowered her head. "There were a lot of nice ponies in my Stable. When I was a filly I used to pretend to be sick just so the doctor would give me lollipops. He knew I was faking it but he'd give them to me anyway. He kept doing it even after I grew up. He was so nice…”

"What was his name?" Grass asked.

"His name was..." Sortilege began...then froze.

What was his name? She couldn't remember his name! Sortilege began to panic. Dear goddesses above, how could she forget the name of the kindest pony she ever knew? She struggled. She strained her mind. She tried to remember his face, the color of his coat, his cutie mark, anything! It all came up blank! All she could remember were the lollipops!

Sortilege's breathing quickened. She felt ill. She was going to throw up. What kind of terrible pony was she, that she couldn't even remember his name?!

"Sorts! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Grass inquired upon seeing her newfound distress.

"I...I...can't..." she began, in between quickened breaths. "I can't..." Inhale..."Remember..." Inhale..."His name!!"

Grass rushed over to her. He embraced her and began stroking her mane, trying to calm the distraught young mare.

"Sorts...shhhhh...it's okay. Listen to me." he took her by her shoulders and looked her dead in the eyes. "You're just high." He spoke calmly and slowly. "It happens, okay. You're gonna be just fine."

Sortilege struggled to regain her composure. "I..." Inhale. "Can't..." Inhale..."Breathe!"

"Do this." Grass instructed then began to slowly inhale through his nose. Sortilege followed suit, taking in a deep breath through her nostrils. When he exhaled she mimicked him again and slowly began to gain control over her breathing.

"Now listen to me." Grass took his hooves again. "You're gonna be fine. You just need some sleep. Eat those snacks...then fall asleep on the couch. This kind of thing happens when you smoke. You just need to sleep it off. Ya hear me?"

Sortilege nodded. Upon hearing Grass's words she began to feel better. It had just been the drugs. She would remember in the morning. She just needed sleep. At that moment Sortilege decided it'd be a good idea to never touch the miracle herb ever again.

"Okay then." Grass grabbed one of the snacks he'd brought out and shoved it into Sortilege's mouth. "Eat this. Get some rest. You'll be fine. Just relax."

Sortilege, mouth full of food, nodded at the stallion. As she began to eat she turned her attention back to the lamp, in a desperate attempt to distract herself from thinking about her Stable.

A bubbling noise came from the middle of the room. Scar was in the process of taking yet another hit. She exhaled with a smile. Then she turned her attention to Smokin' Grass as he made his way back over to his spot next to her.

Before he could sit down, the crimson Pegasus looked up to him with her best pouty expression

"Grass, you still haven't given me my present!"

Grass looked down to her with half lidded eyes and a devious grin. "Well...I guess now's a good a time as any."

He grabbed the end of Scar's tail in his magic and began to drag her towards the bedroom. The crimson mare giggling with delight the entire way, wings extended to their full length. Right before they reached the door Scarlet stopped him.

"Wait." Her delightful demeanor changed instantly, and a look of disappointment made itself at home on her face. "We probably shouldn't leave Sortilege alone with Skitz..."

"Oh, she'll be fine." Grass blew her off entirely.

"I don't know..." Scar began.

Grass interrupted her by leaning over the still prone mare and gently nibbling on the tip of her ear.

Scar shuddered. She let in a quick gasp, followed by a long exhale. "Ubbbbuwahahaha..." was all she managed to get out, having lost the ability to think coherently, her rationale overridden with excitement and lust.

With that, Grass pulled her the rest of the way into his bedroom, all protests on the mare's side absent. Her disappointed expression replaced once again with one of utter anticipation. When they were inside, Grass levitated the dazed Pegasus onto his bed and closed the door.

Sortilege now sat in the living room. Skitz sat on the couch next to her, staring at the ceiling, through half lidded eyes and oblivious smile glued to her face.

Sortilege nibbled on her snack. The ravenous hunger from before had seemingly vanished. She dropped the remains on the floor and focused all her eyes on the lamp, trying to remember what she had found so captivating about it in the first place. It was just a lamp. Just a stupid lamp.

After giving up on her attempts to discover the secrets of the mysterious lamp, her thoughts instantly wandered back to her Stable.

The doctor. The kind old mare. Her students. All dead. Now she couldn't even remember their names or faces. Was it really the drugs? Or was a few days all it took for her to forget somepony entirely?

The question festered in her mind. Harassed her every thought. She tried to remember them...but no matter how hard she tried she simply couldn't.

This was a new kind of torture entirely. She could never fall asleep like this. Her brain wouldn't let her escape . So she laid on the couch and watched the lamp. Watched the green droplets of fluid slowly float up to the surface and disappear. Just like her memories…

Where did they go?

For what felt like an eternity she watched the lamp, praying it would somehow magically answer her question and put her mind at ease.

But it never did…

~O.o~

Sandy made his way down the corridor towards the lab. As usual, the long hallway gave him the creeps. As he traversed further down, the hallway became increasingly large and the lights fewer and farther in between. Strange little maintenance robots scurried along the floor doing Celestia knows what. Sandy had never really discovered the true purpose behind Rise N' Shine's virtual army of tiny robots but theorized they may have been created for the sole purpose of creeping him out.

They were everywhere! Sandy couldn't take two steps with out almost stepping on some kind of freaky machine. Worse yet, they were the freakiest looking robots he'd ever laid eyes on. Most of them looked more like insects than actual robots. Each one moved around on an assortment of mechanical tentacles. Most of them had just one cybernetic eye that would move around on the end of one arm. As Sandy walked down the corridor, he felt as if they were watching him - observing him for some unknown reason. The moment he turned to look they would all scurry away as fast as they could.

Most of the robots looked almost identical but upon closer inspection one would be able to tell that each one was just slightly different. As if each one had been specially made. For some reason Sandy found that made them all the more unsettling and hurried as fast as he could down the corridor. He hated those robots and the sooner he could get away from them the better.

He wasn't going to let creepy robots put him in a bad mood today. No - he was determined to have a good day today! Nothing was going to bring him down. Not robots. Not Rise N' Shine. Not even grumpy minotaurs…

Sandy finally reached the end of the hall and to the large doorway that led into the lab. In front of the door stood it's ever present guardian: Max the minotaur. The facility's head of security. The only security it had, as a matter of fact. Why the facility needed security at all, Sandy didn't know. The mountain was secluded and he couldn't imagine anyone being able to find it, let alone want to attack it.

Even still, they had Max. He stood in front of the door to the lab, completely stationary. He towered over Sandy. Sandy had never seen a minotaur before but he was pretty sure they weren't supposed to get THAT big.

The minotaur stood ever vigilant in front of the doorway. His dark green coat barely illuminated by the dim lights. His face was stone - never blinking, never showing a single emotion. Massive arms crossed over his chest. His job was to prevent anypony without proper identification from passing through the door. His job. His mission. His life.

Sandy approached Max and spoke, putting on his best attempt to be cheerful. "Hiya Max! How are you doing today?"

The minotaur didn't look down, didn't blink. Didn't show any expression other than his stone cold stare. He spoke, in the lowest voice that had ever met Sandy's ears, the only word Sandy ever heard him speak. "Identification."

"Okie doki loki!" Sandy smiled as he whipped out his ID card. He'd got the exact response he'd expected but it didn't hurt to try. He was determined to be in a good mood today!

After Max scanned the card the door began to slide open. Sandy was determined to make the best of this day. He'd planned everything out. He'd walk into the lab and tell Rise N' Shine he wasn't going to put up with her anymore and that she'd start keeping him informed on what was going on with the experiments or he'd be forced to report her to Pinkie Pie for misconduct. Today was the day he'd finally get a smile out of Rock. If everything went as planned, today would be a great day.

After the door finished opening all the way it became clear things weren't going to go as planned.

For there in the doorway stood an entirely new factor in Sandy's plan. One he couldn't have possibly predicted. Not in a million years.

A new pony stood before Sandy. A little yellow unicorn filly with a neatly styled blue mane. Her coat and mane almost made it seem as if Sandy were staring at a miniature version of Rise N' Shine. If Rise N' Shine didn't wear glasses. Or if she combed her hair. Or bathed.

Sandy stared at the filly, completely dumbfounded. It'd been months since he'd seen another pony aside from Rock or Rise N' Shine. Where had this filly come from? How'd she get in here? What was she doing here? Why was she smiling at him like that?

The filly stared up at Sandy with the biggest smile she could muster. Sandy awkwardly smiled back. As he did, Sandy realized that he was looking at the first genuine smile he'd seen in ages. The best kind of smile in the world too.

The smile of a child.

The awkwardness in Sandy' face died away and was replaced with a genuine, heartfelt, appreciative smile. Sandy knew today was going to be good…

"Well hi there little filly!" Sandy finally spoke. "Where did you come from?"

In a feat that defied logic the fillies smile somehow became even wider. Her face stretched to impossible, Pinkie Pie style lengths. She started to shake. Then all at once she darted forward and grabbed Sandy's leg in an intense embrace that threatened to crush Sandy's leg.

And all the awkwardness of the moment came rushing back.

"Oh. My. Gosh!!" The filly was practically shouting at the top of her lungs. "You're him! You're really really him! I can't believe it!!"

Sandy stood there, completely lost as to what his next course of action should be. She was holding his leg tight enough he felt there'd be nothing left of his leg but dust by the time she let go.

"I can't believe you're really here! I'm Sunshine! I'm like your biggest fan!!" The filly continued to shout, increasing the strength on her hold with each sentence. She was awfully strong for a filly.

"Well it's nice to meet you Sunshine." Sandy managed to get out. "Would you mind letting go of my leg please?"

"Ohmygoshimsosorry!!" The words escaped the fillies mouth like lighting as she pried herself from the stallion’s leg.

Sandy rubbed the spot she had previously occupied. That was gonna be sore for a while…

"It's okay." Sandy put his smile back on. "How'd you get in here, Sunshine?"

The energetic little filly opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the approach of another, less enthused mare.

"G-g-good m-morning Sandy." Rise N' Shine asked in her low, nasally, shaky voice.

Sandy smiled back at Rise N' Shine."Morning Rise N' Shine! How are you this morning."

"I'm g-good. Th-thanks f-for a-a-a-asking."

At that moment the little filly, Sunshine, zipped over to the older mare and began bouncing around her excitedly.

"It's him! It's him! It's him! It's really really him!" She called out in between each bounce. The filly was bursting with energy and considering the company Sandy had been stuck with for the past four months, it was a very welcome change.

"C-c-calm d-down Sunshine. B-behave y-y-y-yourself."

"I'm just so excited!" Sunshine practically screamed back at Rise N' Shine. The older mare didn't even flinch. She looked down at the filly with the same unblinking shaky expression she gave everyone else.

"I know y-y-y-you're e-e-excited sw-sweetie but you n-n-n-need to calm d-down a b-bit." Rise N' Shine turned her attention to Sandy. "M-m-m-mister Sandy h-have you m-met Sunshine?"

"It's just Sandy, Rise N' Shine," the stallion corrected her. "and yeah I met her but...where the hay did she come from?"

Sunshine bolted over to Sandy in a flash. He'd never seen a pony move like that. It had to have been some kind of record.

Staring up at him with that big silly grin of hers, Sunshine spoke. "I can answer that Mister Sandy!"

"You can just call me Sandy." Sandy replied gently.

As soon those words left his mouth the little fillies grin widened further. Sandy looked on in horror. How much more could that cute little face take!? There was smiling and then there was whatever this was! He couldn't decide if he was impressed or frightened!

The little filly began zipping around the area at blinding speeds yelling as she went "Sandy! Sandy! He says I can call him Sandy!"

This little girl could give Pinkie Pie a good run for her money!

"S-s-Sunshine s-slow down! You'll m-mess up your m-m-m-mane!"

As the filly whipped past Rise N' Shine the older unicorn caught the ecstatic filly in her magic aura and brought her close to her face. "S-Sunshine you n-n-need to behave y-y-yourself w-when y-y-your in my l-l-l-l-lab or I'm n-n-not g-going to let y-y-you c-come here ag-again"

Sunshine's expression changed. Her smile died away and her head and ears drooped. "I'm sorry. I'll be good."

"N-no more r-r-running?"

Sunshine shook her head.

"O-o-okay. Good g-girl." Rise N' Shine set the filly back down and smiled at her. That strange, awful smile she had. "Y-y-you d-did a g-g-good job with your m-mane this m-morning sweetie."

The enthusiasm in Sunshine's face returned and she smiled up at Rise N' Shine. "Thanks!" she said then followed it up with a statement that shook the foundations of Sandy's world.

"I knew you'd say that, mommy.”

Wait...what?

"M-m-mom...m-mom..." For a moment Sandy knew what it felt like to be Rise N' Shine. He was at a total loss for words. Rise N' Shine had a daughter!

Looking over the little Unicorn filly he could see the resemblance clearly. They had the basic coat and mane colors. Only real difference being that Rise N' Shine's coat was a much lighter shade of yellow. Other than the minor details such as size and attire, the pair were identical.

Sandy stared at the two in awe. How in the wide, wide world of Equestria was this possible? He didn't want to seem too mean but one single thought refused to leave his mind: 'Who in the hay would have a child with Rise N' Shine?'

Sandy walked over to the two, trying to shake the utter shock from his head. Sunshine looked up to him, brimming with excitement yet again.

"It's really nice to meet you Mister Sandy." The smile remained but her eyes fell to the ground and she looked slightly embarrassed. "Sorry about being so hyper before. I was just really excited to meet you."

"It's okay." Sandy smiled back at the filly and chuckled. "I know a thing or two about being overly hyper myself."

"I'm your biggest fan!" Sunshine's hyper activeness began to show itself once again. "I love your parties! They're the bestest things ever!"

"Well glad to hear you think so! Maybe when you get your cutie mark I'll throw your cutecenara for you."

Once again the filles smile stretched to impossible lengths. She stood in place for an entire minute. Then two. Then three. Excitement overwhelmed her and she froze with her smile etched into her face.

"Ummm Rise N' Shine? I think I broke your daughter."

Rise N' Shine, as usual, showed no expression. Only the same, unblinking, shaky stare. "Sh-she'll be f-f-fine. Just g-give her a m-m-m-minute."

The two were interrupted by the approach of the only pony Sandy knew who could match Rise N' Shine for total lack of expression.

"Who's this?" Rock asked, motioning to Sunshine.

"This is m-my d-d-d-daughter, S-sunshine." Rise N' Shine answered.

Finally, for the first time, Sandy watched Rock's expression change. She stared back at Rise N' Shine, mouth hanging open slightly in shock.

Sandy chuckled. "Yeah, that's pretty much the same reaction I had." He faced Rise N' Shine. "So, who's the father?"

Rise N' Shine shook her head. "No f-father. Artificial inse-insem-insemin-insemination."

"Ohhhhh!" Sandy and Rock looked at each other in mutual understanding. "That makes more sense."

Now it was Rise N' Shine's turn to surprise Sandy by showing expression. Her eyes narrowed (so she did have eyelids!) and she shot back at the two with an offended glare. "Wh-what's that s-s-s-supposed to m-m-mean?"

Sandy began backtracking immediately "Nothing! it's just uhhhh..." he paused, searching for the right excuse "We've never seen you with anypony and you don't seem like much of a romantic so..."

Rise N' Shine held her glare on Sandy for a while before her typical expression returned and she gave her attention to Rock. "W-we should g-g-get started."

Rock nodded, then proceeded to turn around and head over to one of the various testing machines that had been the bane of Sandy's existence for the past months.

Turning her attention back to Sandy, Rise N' Shine spoke. "She'll b-be j-joining us in th-the testing t-t-t-today."

"Really?" Sandy's heart lit up upon hearing this news. A chance to be close to Rock all day? He knew today was going to be good!

All at once, Sandy was bombarded by a spastic little filly. "I'm helping today too! I've been cooped up in my room for four months now and it's been soooo boring! Mommy said I could come watch you guys today! I'm so excited! I'm like, your biggest fan!"

Sandy took a cautious step back from the hyperactive young unicorn. "Yeah. You said that already." He replied with an awkward chuckle.

"G-go wait b-b-by the t-t-testing area s-s-sweetie." Rise N' Shine commanded her energetic young daughter.

Sunshine did as she was told and dashed over to the machine quick as lightning to join Rock.

Sandy stood alone next to Rise N' Shine. She had taken out a small notepad and was going over the procedure for the day when Sandy, consumed by his curiosity, asked her the question on both his and Rock's mind. "So...artificial insemination, huh?

Rise N' Shine didn't look up from her notepad. She simply nodded in response.

"Can I ask...why?"

She pulled her attention away from her notes and looked up to Sandy. At first glance her expression seemed the same as always. As Sandy looked into her eyes however...her wide, unblinking eyes...he saw something. A little spark of emotion. A little spark of pride.

"I w-wanted to b-bring my own s-sunshine into Equestria."

That was all the answer she gave him and the pair began to make their way over to the testing machine. As they walked, Sandy found his attention drawn to the beautiful grey mare on the other side of the room. She was listening to Sunshine blabber on about something. The entire time her face remained calm. Expressionless. As if it were made from stone. Sandy wondered if he'd ever be able to break that stone. To break her cold hard exterior and bring out the smile he knew she had. Nothing he'd ever tried had worked. His best jokes. His best compliments. All futile. Someday he'd find a way though. He'd make her smile if it was the last thing he ever did…

"Y-you like her, d-don't y-you?"

"Huh?" Sandy had been lost in thought and the sudden comment from Rise N' Shine had caught him off guard.

Rise N' Shine motioned over to where Rock stood. "You l-l-like h-her?"

Sandy thought for a second before answering. "I'm not really sure. I mean she's really cute. Beautiful, if you want my honest opinion. But..." He paused and thought over his next words carefully. "She's so...cold. I've never really had an actual conversation with her. She just...doesn't respond. It's like...it's like talking to a rock."

"I-is that why y-y-you call her th-that?"

Sandy chuckled. "No, I call her Rock because she's never actual properly introduced herself to me and when she does actually talk it's usually about rocks so I dunno...it just kind of stuck, I guess."

"M-m-makes s-sense."

"Really?"

"N-no."

"Well..." Sandy continued. "Like I was saying, it's not so much that I like her. It's more like...well..." He thought over to himself the real reason he was so fascinated by Rock. "I've never met someone like her. Somepony I couldn't make laugh. Making ponies laugh is my special talent after all and not being able to make her even crack a smile..." Sandy hung his head. "Makes me feel like I'm not living up to my destiny I suppose."

He got no response from his present company. The two were almost to their destination. Sandy lifted his head back up, and quickly finished his train of thought.

"So I guess you could say she's a challenge for me. My special talent is getting anypony to smile so I am bound and determined to make that mare smile. One way or another! I won't give up! It's good for me. Here I am with you trying to create a device to bring smiles all over Equestria and I'm working with the one mare I can't seem to get a smile out of. She's like a...a...a continuing source of motivation for me!"

Sandy and Rise N' Shine finally made their way to the testing area next to Rock.

"What were you two talking about?" She inquired, placing a little extra emphasis on her 'T's.'

Rise N' Shine, unfortunately, was the one to answer. "S-sandy says you're a cont-cont...cont..." She seemed to be having difficulty getting out the next word... "Sandy said you're a cont...a cunt-cunt...a c-c-cunt..."

For the second time that day Sandy watched Rock's expression change. Just like before her mouth opened in shock. Only this time her eyes narrowed as well and she glared back at Sandy, utterly offended.

"A c-cunt...a c-c-c-cunt..."

She cut Rise N' Shine off before she could finish her sentence. "Let's just get started on the tests." and with that she began to strap herself into the machine.

"A c-cunt...a c-cont...i-in...uing source of m-motivation for h-him..."

Sandy looked at Rise N' Shine in utter horror. "You did that on purpose!"

Rise N' Shine turned to look at Sandy, unblinking and wide eyed as always. "D-did wh-wh-wh-what?"

"Let's just get started with the test." Sandy snapped back. Then began to strap himself into the machine next to Rock.

Today’s machine consisted of two chairs with helmets suspended above each one. Multicolored lights adorned each helmet. The machine was not very dissimilar to the machine that Sandy had his terrifying laughing fit in once. That made him just a little bit nervous. The machine, coupled with Rise N' Shine's unwitting attempt at sabotage, fouled Sandy's previous cheery mood. He fought through it. Today was going to be a good day…

Rise N' Shine made her way over to the two and used her magic to strap both of them in tight. Too tight. Sandy could barely breath, it seemed. He thought he'd be used to discomfort by now but that didn't seem to be the case.

After strapping Rock and Sandy in, Rise N' Shine walked over to a terminal next to the machine. Sunshine stood next to her, bouncing up and down in excitement.

"S-settle d-down, swe-sweetie."

"Sorry, mommy."

Rise N' Shine began typing away on her terminal. As usual she made no effort to inform either Sandy or Rock what exactly the experiment would entail...or how much it'd hurt. Sandy wasn't going to stand for it this time however. Not today.

"Rise N' Shine?"

The mare looked up from her terminal and towards him.

"What exactly is this machine going to do?"

Rise N' Shine adjusted her glasses, cleared her throat and began speaking. "Th-this m-machine is for s-spell refin-refinement. I'm g-g-g-going to c-c-cast a sp-spell on the t-t-t-two of y-y-you. A m-m-mood altering sp-spell. Th-then this m-m-m-machine will re-rec-record h-h-how the sp-sp-spell affects b-b-both of y-y-you d-differently. A-a-a-afterwards, we'll u-u-u-use the d-data to re-re-refine the sp-spell and al-alter it accord-accord-accordingly so w-w-we can g-get the s-same affect each t-t-t-time."

Sandy felt he finally understood why Rise N' Shine was reluctant to go into detail about the tests now. That had been the longest string of words he'd ever come out of her mouth and with her stutter itseemed immensely difficult for her to get it out. Sandy dropped his head. He kinda felt bad for asking…

"Are y-you r-ready?"

Rock nodded and Sandy looked up.

"Ready as I'll ever be!" he kicked his optimism back into gear. Today was going to be a good day!

With that, Rise N' Shine's horn lit up. Swirls of crimson light began to form around Rock and Sandy. The light twirled and danced along around their bodies before making their way to the two immobilized ponies heads. The lights phased through their skin and into their brains before disappearing altogether.

For several moments the scene was silent. Sandy and Rock sat strapped in their chairs and Rise N' Shine typed on her terminal, waiting for the spell to kick in. Next to her, Sunshine tried to prop herself up on the terminal to see what her mother was so transfixed with.

Sandy sat for a while, mostly because he didn’t have a choice. He was completely immobilized and very uncomfortable. Unable to turn his head, he began to strain his eyes in an attempt to see how Rock was fairing, but it proved useless. So he simply just sat, waiting for the spell to kick in.

Sandy didn't like not being able to move. He didn't like not being able to turn his head and he became increasingly irritated at the situation. As he sat there waiting for something to happen, he felt his optimism about the day began to leave his mind and become replaced with incredible frustration.

He thought about Rock. Mostly about out how he could never make her smile. Why couldn't he make her smile? Did she just lack the correct facial muscles or something? No, that couldn't be it. Maybe she just didn't think he was funny. That couldn't be the case, though. Everypony thought he was funny. It was his job to be funny and he was damn good at it! Did she think she was just too good for laughs? Sandy mulled it over and finally came to a definite conclusion.

Rock was a bitch.

For no good reason at all, she just plain didn't like Sandy. Why not? Sandy had never done anything for her but try and make her happy! Yet she never reacted. Not even a little. She didn't even pretend to care. Rise N' Shine was right. She was a total cunt.

Sandy's incredible frustration evolved into full blown rage as he began to think about Rise N' Shine.

Rise N' Shine.

The fat, ugly, smelly unicorn bitch who had made his life a living hell for the past four months. Of course she’d been artificially inseminated. It would be the closest thing she'd ever be able to get to a date! He hated her. With every fiber of his being, Sandy hated her. He hated her gross mane that she didn't seem to have the decency to clean every once in a while. He hated her disgusting, repulsive breath. He hated her stupid stutter that made it impossible to hold conversations with her. He hated her stupid glasses. Her stupid lab coat. Her stupid hyperactive daughter! Everything to do with her.

Most of all...he hated her smile. That sick, twisted excuse for a smile she had. It was unnatural the way she smiled! It was a crime against everything he stood for!

Sandy looked over to Rise N' Shine. All the pent up rage he felt towards her came boiling to the surface. For four months she had subjected him to torturous experiments, not caring about his comfort. Not even seemingly caring if he lived or died. Not any more. He wouldn't take it anymore! He'd kill her! He'd beat her head in until it was nothing but red mush and then he'd never have to see that sick smile ever again!

Sandy began to tug against his restraints. The rage he felt erupted out of him. It gave him strength. Nothing could stop him. He was going to kill her. Eventually the straps began to tear. Within moments, Sandy was free. He turned to the vile excuse for a unicorn.

Now completely consumed by his rage, he lunged at her, foaming at mouth. The last thing he remembered was hearing a little filly screaming as he galloped at full speed towards his target. Then, Sandy's world went black.

So much for a good day…

~O.o~

"Doctor...Scalpel? No. Doctor...Care? No. Doctor...stethoscope? No, that's not it either. Oh...bother.”

For the past hour Sortilege had laid on her spot on the couch trying her best to remember the name of her childhood doctor.

"Doctor...Doctor...Doctor Feelgood! That's it!" She perked her head up finally, reveling in her triumph. "Skitz! I did it! I finally remembered his name!"

The only other pony occupying the room with her showed little interest in Sortilege's victory. She sat in same spot on the far end of the couch, staring off at the wall with the same far away look and light smile on her face.

"That's nice." was her only response.

"Okay, so that means it was just the drugs and I'm not a terrible pony!" The depression and panic from before began to die away slightly "I mean...I'm not a terrible pony...right?" A small bit of doubt still lingered.

"It's okay to forget." Skitz answered without turning her attention from the wall. "I forget things all the time."

"Yeah, but...this isn't like just like...forgetting to brush your teeth in the morning. I can't remember the names of half the ponies in my Stable!"

"It's probably just the drugs. You'll be fine once it wears off."

"Yeah...I hope so." Sortilege laid her head down on the couch. The lamp was beginning to hurt her eyes. Even with how tired she was beginning to feel, she couldn't seem to fall asleep. Her mind kept going back to her stable and all the ponies she grew up with.

By now she was at least able to remember some of their names and faces...but not all. Or even most. Thinking back, she realized the reason. She'd never bothered to learn them. Never thought to ask. Or converse with them. Or get to know anypony at all. After the death of her parents, Sortilege hadn't really had anyone she interacted with on a day to day basis. She never had anything resembling friends or family. The stable had provided for her as a whole but no single pony had taken care of her. She'd raised herself for the most part and as a result she'd never become close to anyone in her stable. She just held up in her room, reading her books. Rarely left. Rarely interacted with others. Never even took the time to learn anyponies name…

Now they were all gone. Gone from the world and gone from her memories. If she didn't remember them who would? All the students Sortilege had taught, every bright smiling face she greeted each morning...gone. She'd tried to remember the names from the roll call. Tried to recall her favorite or even her least favorite students. It all proved futile. Her mind refused to cooperate with her. So she resorted to the one activity she'd never been fond of. The one action she'd found herself indulging in quite often in the wasteland.

Once again, Sortilege cried.

"Oh...bother." She said through her sniffles. "Skitz, this bothers me. Bothers me a lot. I hate being bothered."

"Why?" Skitz asked, once again not turning her attention away from the wall.

"Huh?" Sortilege perked her head up and shot the Earth pony a bewildered look.

"Why does it bother you?"

"B-because! Everyone I grew up with is gone and I can't even remember their names!"

Sortilege could hardly believe what she was hearing! How could it not bother her?

"Isn't it better that way?" Skitz replied. "It's gonna be a lot easier to get over it now."

Sortilege stared at the back of Skitz's head. She was completely dumbfounded. She barely knew how to respond to such a statement! After a moment of bewildered silence, the words finally came to her.

"A good pony would want to remember them."

Skitz finally broke her gaze on the wall. She turned to Sortilege and focused on her, eyes half lidded and a smirk etched into her face.

"Maybe you're not a good pony."

"I...I...I..." Sortilege couldn't speak. She couldn't find words to express her horror at the statement Skitz had just uttered. Not a good pony? Ridiculous! She was the nicest pony around! Everyone in the stable had loved her!

But had she loved them? Had she cared about them at all? She wanted to believe she had...but how could she? She couldn't even remember their names...

Skitz's smile widened. "Being a bad pony..." She turned away and once again focused her attention to the far wall. "...ain't so bad, ya know."

"But I don't...I..." Sortilege was scared, but it wasn't any kind of fear she was familiar with.

Since entering the wasteland Sortilege had experienced all kinds of new fears. The fear of death. The fear of the unknown. The fear of pain and the fear of pyromaniac fillies. This was yet another new fear and it was worse than all the others combined. The fear of oneself.

"I don't wanna be a bad pony!" She practically yelled the words out. "That's not who I am!"

Skitz didn't move her head. Her focused remained trapped in her own little world, same as always. As if she was only half listening to the conversation. When she replied however, she replied with the most chilling question Sortilege had ever been asked.

"Then who are you?"

Sortilege stared. Mouth wide open as if expecting the words to come out on their own. But they never did. Sortilege sat, mouth agape, staring at the back of the large mare's head with her mind racing and in that moment she realized she'd couldn't answer Skit's question. She didn't know the answer.

The depression came back in full force. Between the drugs and the crying and everything else going on, she wanted nothing more than to just lie down and shut her mind off for good. She couldn't though. Not after being hit with a question as powerful as that.

She laid her head on the armrest of the couch and went back to gazing at lampy. Her only true friend in the wasteland. She tried to focus on the little green droplets again. Wondering where they disappeared to. She couldn't hold her attention for long though. The question lingered in the back of her mind. Nagging her. Eating away at her.

Who was she?

"Skitz?" She began, not turning away. Watching the droplets move slowly up the lamp. "Who are you?"

Skitz didn't reply immediately. Sortilege sat in silence for several minutes, waiting for answer. She considering asking again on the off chance that she simply hadn't been heard but before she could a quiet voice, almost a whisper, answered her from the opposite end of the couch.

"A bad pony."

"And..." Sortilege thought her next question over carefully. "...are you happy with that?"

Again the room was silent for several moments. Several moments longer than before. Sortilege was certain this time she'd been heard. She waited for her answer. And waited. And waited. And waited.

It never came.

So Sortilege and Skitz laid on the couch. Separated by nothing more than a cushion. Physically at least. The real distance between the two mares seated on the couch was far greater than Sortilege could even comprehend. She knew nothing about the massive grey Earth pony seated next to her. She knew Sugar was mean. She knew Scar was friendly. Skitz remained a complete mystery though.

"Hey Skitz?" Sortilege figured she use the time they had alone together to get to know a little more about her. "Where are you from?" It'd be a great way to pass the time until she could finally fall asleep.

"I..." Skitz began. Her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't remember."

"You don't remember where you're from? Not at all?" Sorts watched a tiny green droplet float to the top of the lamp and disappear.

"I..." Skitz began and stopped mid sentence once again. "I think...I came from a stable..."

Sortilege smiled. Finally, a pony she could relate to! "Well, it's okay that you don't remember Skitz. We can remember together! What was your stable like?"

Sortilege received no response. She kept watching the lamp and waiting for Skitz to respond but was met with nothing but silence. Undeterred, she continued with her questioning. "Were the ponies there nice?"

Again, no response.

Sortilege sighed. "C'mon, Skitz. Work with me here! I finally feel like we have something to talk about! You have to remember something about your stable!" She turned from the lamp and went to face Skitz with an excited smile. "Did your stable have a..."

Sortilege completed her turn and immediately her smile disappeared. She was no longer looking at the back of Skitz’ head. No longer were the two only separated by a single cushion. Somehow, without making any noise or disrupting movements, Skitz had made her way to Sortilege's end of the couch. The large mare, almost twice the size of Sortilege, was face to face with her. Her oblivious grin had been replaced by a sneer and her eyes fixated on Sortilege with the most frighteningly hateful look she'd ever witnessed. When Skitz spoke, she did so through gritted teeth.

"What business is it of yours where I'm from?"

Hatred and anger seethed from Skitz's words. Sortilege couldn't bring herself to answer her. She couldn't will herself to move. She stared back at Skitz, paralyzed with fear. She'd seen what Skitz could do. She knew full well what she was capable of. She was looking into the eyes of the most dangerous pony she'd ever encountered...and in that ponies eyes, Sortilege only saw rage.

Sortilege knew she was about to die. In a matter of seconds she was going to die and she'd never learn what she'd done to deserve it. She was going to be dead and she was never going to know who she really was.

"What the fuck is going on in here?"

Sortilege was able to work up just enough courage to peel her eyes away from the enraged mare seated only inches from her. She brought her attention to the source of the inquiry. From the moment Sortilege had met Sugar she had loathed the filly's every word. Everytime the angry unicorn child drew a breath to speak, Sortilege cringed and several times had she found herself wishing for some divine force to take the child's voice from her forever, so she'd never have to hear such hateful speech ever again. Now the same voice that had caused Sortilege so much irritation earlier that same day was the happiest sound she'd ever heard in her life.

Sugar glared at the two mares seated on the couch. Sortilege stared back at the clearly upset filly, as confused as she'd ever been. Skitz held her death gaze on Sortilege. Her mouth curled up in a vicious sneer.

Sugar focused her attention on the large earth pony. "Skitz." She didn't respond. She held her gaze on Sortilege.

"Skitz."

Again, no change.

"Skitz!!" Sugar yelled at her partner and the massive earth pony and finally she shifted her attention. Skitz whipped her head around and faced Sugar. The glare and the sneer remained on her face.

Sugar's own glare softened and she spoke to Skitz in a gentle voice, as if their roles were reversed, her being the adult and Skitz the child. "Are you okay?"

Skitz's expression finally changed. She shook her head and blinked rapidly. Her sneer turned into a sad frown and the vacant look returned to her eyes.

"Uhhhh...yeah...yeah..." She turned her eyes to the floor. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Sugar made her way over to Skitz and and gently placed her hoof on the older mare's foreleg.

"No one's gonna hurt you Skitz." Sugar kept the soft tone in her voice.

A small smile tugged at the side of Sortilege's lips. The scene was touching in a weird way.

"Get some rest." Sugar continued. "We're heading out in the morning."

"Okay." Skitz replied, then laid her head on the edge of the couch and closed her eyes.

All at once Sugar's soft expression changed and the familiar rage that Sortilege was so accustomed to returned. She made her way over to the end of the couch and scowled at Sortilege. All the tension from before returned. Sortilege didn't want to tell the ponies in the afterlife she'd been killed by a little girl. That would be embarrassing.

"Where the fuck are Grass and Scar?" Sugar asked. The young unicorn was livid. Perhaps the angriest Sorts had ever seen her.

Sortilege didn't respond verbally. She pointed her hoof in the direction of Grass's bedroom door.

Sugar stomped her way over to the bedroom. Using the full strength of her telekinetic spell she flung the door open and went inside. Seconds later, loud yelling could be heard coming from inside.

"Gah! Sugar! What the fuck are you...gah!" Another few seconds later, the filly returned with Scar in tow. The little unicorn dragging the larger crimson mare by her hair.

Scar 's mane was disheveled and her wings stuck out on her sides fully erect. Smokin' Grass followed behind the two, wearing a particularly annoyed expression.

"Sugar, what the fuck are you doing?" Grass continued Scar's previously interrupted statement.

Sugar ignored the stallion and fixated all of her attention on Scar. "You..." she began and with each new word she pulled the crimson mare's mane, dragging her closer to her own face with every tug. "Left..." Pull. "Our million cap bounty..." Pull. "Alone..." Pull. "With Skitz!!"

With that final outburst Sugar yanked on Scarlet's mane as hard as she could and drove the mare's face into the floor.

"Hey!" Grass exclaimed as he rushed over to Scar's side to help her back to her hooves. "What the fuck is your problem you little bitch?"

Again, Sugar ignored the stallion and continued to scold Scar. "You fucking idiot! Can you not control your libido for ten fucking seconds? You almost cost me a million caps!"

Scar got back to all four hooves. "I'm sorry, Sugar. I wasn't thinking..."

"No, you fucking weren't! I oughta..."

Grass stepped in between the two and interrupted Sugar in the process. "Sugar, calm the fuck down. Sorts is fine! Skitz is fine! Everything's fine! It's not a big deal."

Sugar finally focused on Grass and glowered up at him "This has nothing to do with you. Stay the fuck out of it!"

Grass replied with a glare of his own. The previously calm and collected stallion had at last reached his limit and his cool demeanor began to fade away. "You listen to me you little shit, you do NOT talk to me like that in my own home."

Sugar gritted her teeth. Fixed the stallion with the meanest look she could muster. If looks could kill, everypony in the room would be a corpse. She opened her mouth to speak…

Just then, a gunshot burst through the wall, whizzed over the couch, passed Sortilege and went straight into Smokin' Grass's lamp. The light shattered into pieces and the green fluid splattered out in all directions, covering Sortilege's face.

"L-lampy..." Sortilege stared at the table where the lamp once stood in shock. The green blood of her friend was dripping from the end of her muzzle, down onto her stable uniform.

"NOOOOOO!" Sortilege's forlorn cry was cut short as more gunfire tore through Smokin' Grass's wall. Sortilege was promptly enveloped in a pink aura and tossed behind the couch. Skitz immediately woke from her slumber and began to act. She dove behind the couch after Sortilege and reached into her cloak, pulling out her submachine gun and ramming a fresh clip home.

Sugar, Scar and Smokin' Grass flipped over the table in the center of the room and huddled behind it.

"What the fuck is happening right now?!" Scar yelled out over the gunfire.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?!" Sugar yelled back. "We need to get our guns and shoot back!"

The gunfire ceased. The room was quiet for a moment before a voice called out from the outside of the shack.

"We know you got that million cap bounty in thar! Y'all best bring her out a'fore we come in thar and git 'er ourselves!"

"Fuck you!" Sugar yelled in response. "You cocksuckers almost killed her! You know the bounty's only good if she's alive right?!"

"Fuck you, bitch! We're comin' in!"

"These guys are fucking stupid. Get your guns, everypony." Sugar levitated over her saddle bags and pulled out her twin pink pistols: Fuck bitches and Get money.

Scar strapped on her battle saddle and donned her combat helmet while Grass went into his room briefly, only to return carrying an assault rifle.

Sortilege huddled down behind the couch next to Skitz. The large grey mare held her submachine gun in her mouth. Her lips curled into a smile around the gun and her eyes held that same look Sortilege saw before. The same look that Sortilege had looked into and known her life was coming to an end. The look of a killer.

The group readied their weapons at the door. They heard approaching hoofsteps. The noise ceased right before they reached the door and the ponies on the other side began to turn the handle.

"Seriously?"

Sugar remarked before the group exchanged bewildered looks and then proceeded to simultaneously open fire. The front door of the shack was ripped to shreds along with the ponies standing on the other side.

Soon the survivors began to fire back and Sugar, Scar and Grass split apart, spreading themselves about the room. Sugar made her way over to the couch next to Sorts and Skitz.

"You keep your fucking head down, you got it?" Sugar said to Sorts. Sorts nodded and in doing so flung globs of green fluid all over Sugar's face.

"Thanks." The filly said sarcastically, while wiping the goo off of her muzzle.

While Grass and Scar were busy firing at the door, Skitz took the opportunity to move to the window. She opened it up and proceeded to reach into her cloak, producing a couple of hoof grenades. She pulled the pins and lobbed them out the window before making her way back to her spot behind the couch.

There were two loud thumps, followed by a couple of stallions screaming. Behind the couch Skitz smiled to Sugar who returned it with a grin of her own.

"Nice."

"These guys are stupid." Skitz remarked,

"Yeah, I think it's the Oodie brothers judging from their accents . They never were the brightest."

"They won't have to worry about that much longer."

Scar and Grass were still busy gunning down every pony who came close to the door. After a while, they're gunfire ceased.

"Shit! I'm out!" Grass yelled.

"I am too." Scar added. "Get ready girls! They're coming in!"

"Skitz..." Sugar began and looked up at the larger mare with a wicked grin. "...go knock some sense into 'em."

Skitz smiled her own devilish smirk before exchanging her submachine gun for her machete. She leaped over the couch with blinding speed and made her way to the door. She reached it at the same time as one unfortunate stallion wandered into the entrance and with one swing from the grey earth pony, the Oddie brother's head detached from his torso before he had time to blink.

Others followed behind him and Skitz cut down each and every one before they even had time to react to her presence. Sortilege watched in horror and awe. The mare was like a machine. This was her element. Judging from the smile wrapped around the handle of her machete, she was loving every second of it.

While Skitz was busy at the front door, more Oodies began to climb in through the window's. As one attempted to cram his way through the one adjacent to the couch, Sugar unloaded a ten millimeter bullet right between his eyes. The moment his body went limp, another pony began to push through. Then another. Soon there were no less than four ponies all trying to cram themselves through the small window.

Sugar rolled her eyes and began to unload on the group with her pistols. As soon as one fell, another took his place almost immediately. Soon a pile of bodies lay at the base of the window and ponies were still trying to cram themselves through.

"Oh! My! Gawd! Are you guys that fucking stupid or what?!" Sugar yelled as her pistols ran dry and she began to reload. As she did, one of the stallions finally pushed through the window and rushed towards Sugar and Sorts. He ran straight passed the filly and rammed right into Sortilege, pressing her into the wall.

"Fuck! Hold on!" Sugar yelled as she continued reloading her pistols.

Sortilege was face to face with the stallion. She looked into his eyes and saw that same craziness she saw in every pony she'd met out in the wastes.

"Gotcha now, bitch!" The stallion yelled as he pressed harder into Sortilege.

Sortilege struggled against him to no avail. He was far stronger than she was. Her mind raced. She tried to think of something, anything, she could do to free herself from the stallions grasp. He pressed his foreleg against her throat and Sortilege began to choke. She wasn't entirely sure what he hoped to accomplish. They needed her alive right? They definitely weren't the smartest bunch. Sortilege struggled for breath. She glanced over to Sugar, who was busy fending off more crazy stallions rushing in through the window. She wouldn't be able to help in time. Sortilege had to act and fast. Slowly, she began to see spots in her vision. Her world was fading away. She had to do something immediately.

As her world began to recede, Sortilege focused on her horn. She reached into her memories for a spell, any spell, that would help her out of this predicament. Without thinking she used the first spell that came to mind. The last spell she could remember using. She focused and her horn began to glow lime green and her magic aura enveloped the stallions head.

The stallion looked confused for a moment. Then his confusion turned to horror as smoke began flooding from his mouth. He released Sortilege and backed away from her, screaming and thrashing furiously as more smoke streamed from his mouth, nostrils and ears. Soon his entire body began to glow and slowly he began to disintegrate. Eventually he fell to the ground. Pieces of his body detached and crumbled into ash and all that remained was a smoldering husk with a look of horror still plastered to the remains of its face.

Sortilege face matched the stallion’s face and for several seconds she couldn't tear her eyes away from the burnt remains of the stallion.

Had she really just done that?

Sugar took another moment to reload her pistols and as she did she glanced over her shoulder to peek back at Sorts. When she saw the stallion, her jaw dropped and she looked over at Sortilege.

"I didn't mean to! I...I...I..." Sortilege tried explaining herself to the filly but was at a loss for words.

"You did that?" Sugar asked pointing at the charred remains. Her awestruck look was replaced by a smile. "Ha! Cool."

The moment was interrupted by a crash as the group of stallions finally made their way through the window. Sugar resumed her barrage of pistol fire, dropping her fellow bounty hunters as they rushed towards her. Her efforts were proving futile as every one she put down was quickly replaced by another. It was like trying to fight a hydra.

"How many of you fuckers are there!?" She screamed as she blasted away. Eventually her pistols ran dry once again and the moment they did a stallion rushed towards her, knife drawn and bloodthirsty look in his eyes. Right before he reached her, a crimson flash bolted across the room and rammed into the side of the stallions face. With the attacking stallion out cold, Scarlet faced the window with her sawed off shotgun. As yet another Oodie brother approached she let loose both barrels into the stallions face, turning his skull into red paste.

Over at the door, Grass joined Skitz in beating away at the attackers at close range. He smacked the closest stallion with the butt of his assault rifle. The moment the attacker fell, Skitz's rear hoof slammed down on his throat, crushing his windpipe. As she killed the downed stallion she never took her eyes from the ones rushing towards her. With every new opponent, Skitz swung her head and another pony fell. There was no getting past her. Not in one piece.

Sugar and Scar were able to fend off the stallions long enough to make their way to the window. Scar took one of Sugar's pistols in her mouth, and the pair open fired on the attacking crowd. Every gunshot meant another dead Oodie. Within minutes there were none left to shoot. The stallions finally retreated, the remaining few running back into the woods, away from the shack, screaming obscenities as they fled.

"Fuck y'all! We'll be back! You ain't seen the last of the Oodie brothers!" One stallion stopped to declare as the group made their retreat. Those were his last words, however, as Scar emptied the last bullet from her pistol into the Oodie’s throat. He fell the ground, gurgled, gasped and then died.

"Bring it on bitches! You want a fucking piece of us? Come get it! We'll tear every last one of you stupid motherfuckers apart!!" Sugar yelled as the stallions ran away.

There was a moan behind her. The stallion Scar had knocked unconscious was beginning to come to. Sugar approached him slowly. When she got near she leaned in close to the stallions face.

"Ya wanna see how I got my cutie mark?" She asked in the most bone chilling manner.

The filly’s horn began to glow and the stallions head was wrapped in her pink magic aura. The stallion tried to scream but his breathing was restricted as the young unicorn began to apply the full force of her telekinetic spell to the stallion’s head. His eyes glowed pink and light emanated from his mouth. The flesh around his skull began to peel away, and his neck began to stretch to disturbing lengths. Eventually it all gave way, and the stallions skull was torn straight out of his skin. Sugar have one last twist and snapped the skull away from the now deceased stallion’s spine, before tossing the bloody skull to the ground.

Sortilege watched the scene in absolute terror. She looked from the decapitated corpse of the stallion, to the burnt remains of the pony she'd killed, to the spot on the end table where lampy had met his end. Sortilege didn't know how to handle the sudden string of events, so she resorted to the same old thing she resorted to every time.

She cried.

"What are we gonna do now?" Scar asked as the group began to recollect itself. Skitz began looting the Oodie’s corpses for any extra ammunition while Sugar paced back and forth wearing her most irritated scowl.

"Dumb fuckers. I'm dead tired and they pull this shit now?! Couldn't have waited until morning?! Arrrrrgh!" With her final exclamation she bucked the skull of the unfortunate stallion from before. It sailed across the room and straight into the wall. The skull impacted the wall, shattering it and lodging itself deep in the wooden fixture, a disturbing addition to Smokin' Grass's various decorations.

"Calm down, Sugar." Smokin' Grass chimed in. "We need a plan. Those guys are coming back and there's no telling how soon."

"I know how soon." The group turned their attention to Skitz who had made her way over the window. She stood amongst the slaughtered remains of the Oodie's and was staring out into the distance.

"How soon, Skitz?" Scar asked.

"Now."

With that declaration, everypony in the room joined Skitz at the window. As they looked, they saw dozens upon dozens of armed ponies slowly making their way towards Smokin' Grass's shack. Their numbers were doubled at the least and now they were seeking more than just caps. Now they were out for revenge.

"Fuck! We need to go!" Sugar yelled then proceeded grab Sortilege by the back of her mane and run for the back door.

Scar darted after her. "What good's that gonna do? They're just gonna follow us!"

Before the filly had made it too far, Scar stomped her front leg down on Sortilege's tail, pinning her to the ground. Sortilege felt herself being pulled between the two in what had to have been the most uncomfortable game of tug of war ever played. Her rear end screamed in agony and her hair follicles howled in torment. Tears and green goop ran down her face.

She whimpered. Caught between two ponies and a virtual army of angry Oodies on their way, only one simple phrase came to the young mare's mind. "Oh...bother."

"We can't just run Sugar!" Scar yelled. "We can't outrun them and we don't have enough ammo left to fight 'em off!"

"You got a better idea Scarlet!?" Sugar screamed in response, still attempting to drag Sortilege out the door.

"I got one." Smokin' Grass made his way over to the two. He had retrieved a briefcase from his room and carried it in his magic beside him. "And trust me Sugar...you're gonna love it."

Sugar released her hostage. Overwhelmed with curiosity she approached Grass. The stallion set the briefcase down in front of the filly and proceeded to open it. A green glow emanated from the inside and as the filly gazed in her jaw dropped. Sugar sat down hard, then without changing her awestruck expression, shifted her focus to Grass.

"Really? You mean it this time?"

"Sure do. No fuckin' around this time. This is life or death and I'm rather fond of life."

Sugar gave the stallion her wickedest grin. Her eyes narrowed, her lips curled and she turned back to the contents of the case. "Fuckin' awesome."

"Okay! Everypony else, gather up as much supplies as you can. We're gettin' the fuck out of here!" Grass directed the rest of the group.

Skitz and Scar began gathering up as many useful items as they could carry from around the shack. Sortilege sat in the center of the room, at a complete loss. She was tired. She was dirty. She was a still a little stoned. She was a wreck. She wanted nothing more than to curl up on Smokin' Grass's comfy couch and drift away to sleep. Unable to do that and unable to come up with anything else that would be productive to the situation she elected to sit down and let her few remaining tears flow from her eye sockets. At this rate Sortilege was going to die of dehydration before they ever reached their destination.

"Scar!" Grass called out. "Go into my bedroom and look underneath the bed! That's where the real gift I got for you is. Meant to give it to you earlier. Trust me, you're gonna need it."

Scar did as she was told and when she returned she was holding a strange looking gun similar to the pair on her battle saddle, only much fancier looking , with more complicated mechanisms.

"Seriously Grass? Where the fuck did you find this!?" Scar exclaimed with a giant smile spread across her face.

"Around." The stallion replied with a sly grin of his own. "Like I said before, I like you girls and I'd do just about anything for ya."

"You're awesome, Grass." Scar replied, then proceeded to lock her lips with the stallion.

"Hey!" Sugar called out. "You two have done enough fuckin' around tonight! We need to get a move on!"

"So what's the plan anyway?" Skitz asked. She had finished gathering supplies and her cloak was beginning to look slightly crowded.

Sugar grinned up at the rest of the group. Using her telekinesis, she retrieved one of the items contained in the briefcase and levitated it up. A small, green glowing egg floated in the air for the group to see.

Scar's eyes widened. Skitz let out a low whistle. Grass smiled and Sortilege looked at it in confusion.

"What is that?" Sorts asked.

Sugar stared up at the confused older unicorn. Her wicked smile in full force and her eyes held that all too psychotic look. The little filly began to chuckle lightly. As it continued on it went from a chuckle to fits of full blown evil laughter and Sortilege's confusion turned to terror.

Nopony ever answered her question and she was more than certain she didn't want to know the answer.

She wanted this night to end...but it had only just begun.

~O.o~

The Oodie brothers were perhaps the worst bounty hunters in the wasteland. Some ponies were hesitant to even call them bounty hunters at all. Most would consider them nothing more than a large group of raiders. What the Oodie brothers lacked in skills however, they made up for in numbers. Time after time, the virtual army of chem addicted, inbred stallions would use overwhelming force to collect a single target. More often than not, that target would be killed in the ensuing chaos. Their methods may have been frightening, but ultimately lacked efficiency.

For a time, the Oodies had even considered giving up the bounty hunter gig altogether and focus on becoming full fledged raiders. Until the day they received word of a certain stable mare with a one million cap bounty on her head. The Oodies couldn't count, but they knew a million was a lot.

So the massive number of brothers set forth across the wastes in search of their target. Eventually they stumbled upon a lone merchant and with a little prodding he was more than willing to point the Oodies in the direction of the three crazy mares and who currently held the million cap prize.

Sooner or later, the group stumbled upon Smokin' Grass's shack. After a staggering number of losses, the Oodies fell back and retrieved the rest of their clan. Now they made their way back to shack, with far more than the million caps on their minds. The bitches in there had killed their brothers. They had made this personal. Their deaths were gonna be slow and painful. Tonight some fillies were gonna scream.

The Oodies made their way in the shack, only to find the inside devoid of the mares subject to their scorn. One by one, Oodie after Oodie, they crammed their way into the tiny shack. They searched high. They searched low. The mares were nowhere to be found. Soon, the entire shack was packed to the brim with more angry stallions than it was ever meant to hold. Oodies stood shoulder to shoulder, crammed uncomfortably into the tiny space.

One of the brothers, perhaps one of the smartest Oodie's who'd ever lived, began to indulge himself in the most un-Oodie like of mannerisms. He began to ask questions.

"Where the fuck are they!?" He shouted into the crowded room.

Another Oodie, perhaps even more intelligent than the previous, answered back.

"They ain't here!" He keenly observed.

Then another Oodie, the smartest Oodie of them all, looked down upon the floor. He spotted the large bundle of glowing green eggs in the center of the room and his mind began to race.

"The fuck are these things?" He pondered.

While the Oodie brothers were busy deducing the many mysteries that plagued them, Scar, Skitz, Sugar, Sortilege and Smokin' Grass, watched the shack from a safe distance. After nearly every Oodie had crammed their way into the tiny shack, Grass looked to Sugar, smiled and nodded his head.

Sugar, sporting her most wicked grin, levitated the launcher up in her magic. She let the tension build, the anticipation increase and as she aimed, a single tear appeared in her eye and rolled down her face.

"Sugar...are you crying again?" Scarlet asked her.

Sugar sniffed and wiped her nose with her foreleg. "This is the greatest moment of my life."

She pulled the trigger. The egg sailed from the launcher and towards the shack. The group watched as the glowing green orb began to descend upon the shack with a faint whistle.

"Bye, shack. It was fun while it lasted." Grass said as he waited for the eventual destruction about to befall his home. He shook his head and let out small chuckle before saluting his home.

"You say somethin' Grass?" Scar asked.

Then the egg struck and the house erupted into a gigantic sphere of green flame. The shock wave of the blast knocked four of the five observing ponies down.

Only Skitz remained standing. She stared, wide eyed at the the blast and made a sound, inaudible over the sound of the blast.

"Oooooooo" Skitz watched as the flames swirled and convulsed and changed from a sphere to a massive mushroom cloud, dominating the area where Grass's shack used to be.

"Ahhhhhhhhh."

The rest of the group began to make their way onto their hooves. A loud ringing made itself present in everypony’s ears (Or ear in Sortilege's case) and as they stood Sugar vocalized the single thought on everyone's mind.

"That was loud!"

Scarlet watched the filly’s lips move, but her attempts to hear her over the constant drone were in vain.

"What?!" She yelled back at the filly.

"That was loud!" Sugar repeated.

Again Scarlet watched her lips move but heard nothing. "What?!"

"THAT WAS LOUD!!" Sugar screamed with all her might.

"WHAT?!"

Sugar finally gave up. "NEVERMIND!!"

The group stood and gazed at the spot where the house once stood. After a moment of staring Scarlet spoke up.

"That was loud!" She yelled earning herself an irritated look from Sugar.

Sortilege shakily made her way up. As she struggled, a foreleg presented itself in front of her. She looked up to see Smokin' Grass offer his assistance to her. She took the outstretched hoof and smiled up at him.

"Thank you."

"No problem." Grass replied.

Using his magic and a cloth that he had managed to snatch from the house, he began to wipe the dust and goo from her face.

"Oh bother. I'm a mess."

"Still cute though, if you don't mind me saying."

Sortilege smiled and blushed. She could get used to being flattered like that.

"That was fuckin' awesome." Sugar beamed as the group began to move on.

"Yeah, but we need to move quickly." Scar replied. "There could be others after us. If the Oodies can find us, anyone can. We need to find a place where we can pick up more supplies."

As the group walked, Scar pulled out a couple cigarettes and offered one over to Sortilege.

"Here. You look like you could use one."

"Thank you." Sorts replied and took the cigarette in her magic and stuck it in her mouth. Then, without even thinking, she used her ignition spell to light it.

She froze as a thought suddenly struck her. She killed somepony using this spell. It had just been a reaction. Just like how she'd lit the cigarette. She'd done it without even thinking.

"Oh bother." Sortilege muttered to herself. Just another thing to add to her growing list of emotional struggles. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind. She'd think about it later. She didn't feel like thinking at all at the moment.

The group was well under way when all of the sudden Sugar stopped dead in her tracks.

"Hey Skitz!" She called out.

The rest of group turned to face her.

"Do you have my flamer?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Skitz averted her eyes from Sugar.

The fillies eyes widened in horror and she turned around to face the burning remains of the shack.

"S-Smokey!"

The last standing remains of the shack gave way to the flames and crumbled to the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Sugar's cry echoed into the night.

~O.o~

Sandy woke up. Last thing he remembered, he had been starting another test with Rise N' Shine. Rise N' Shine had cast some sort of spell on him and Rock and shortly after Sandy had blacked out. As he began to regain his sense he realized his head was throbbing. A migraine thundered inside his skull. Next, he noticed he couldn't move. He was being restrained. Not by the usual straps that held him in place during tests, but by a living being. Two large, green muscular arms wrapped around Sandy from behind. He looked up and saw Max. The ever present guardian of the door to the lab, had moved from his spot and was holding him in place.

The entire lab was silent save for the hum of the machinery surrounding them and the scurrying sound that accompanied the robots inhabiting the room, going about their various tasks. Sandy glanced over to the machine he'd previously been tied to. The straps on the chair he'd occupied had been broken. They looked as if they had been ripped apart. Sandy continued to look around the room and spotted Rock. She had her head down and her eyes closed and was in the process of comforting a little yellow filly. Sunshine had buried her face into Rock's coat. The little unicorn shook and shivered. Tears streamed down the sides of her face.

Sandy continued to move his eyes around the room. He spotted Rise N' Shine standing next to her terminal, staring at a clipboard she held in her magic. The unicorn mare wore her typical wide eyed, unblinking neutral expression. Her expression was the only thing typical about her appearance at the moment however. Rise N' Shine was a mess. More so than usual. Her entire face had been bruised and bloodied. Her glasses were absent and her nose bent at an obscure angle. Her left eye was swollen and large gash sat at the base of her horn.

Sandy looked at the mare for a moment, wondering just what in Equestria had happened to her. Then, over the hum of the machines and the skitter scatter of robots, Sandy heard a noise. A faint dripping sound. He looked down the length of his own body to the source of the noise. He looked at his hooves, pinned to the sides of his torso by the large minotaur holding him back. His hooves, the ends of which were covered in fresh blood, dripping off their ends.

Horrified, he looked up at Rise N' Shine. "What happened?"

Surprised by the sudden sound, Rise N' Shine turned from her clipboard and looked over to Sandy. "Oh g-good. You're a-awake." she looked up at the massive minotaur who restrained him. "Y-you can l-let go of h-h-him M-Max. The spell sh-should have w-worn off by n-now."

Immediately and without question Max did as he was told. Sandy dropped to the ground and winced. His front hooves were incredibly sore and the sudden impact of dropping to the ground had further upset his migraine.

"What happened?" Sandy fought through the pain and repeated his earlier question.

"Y-you b-broke the r-restraints on the ch-ch-chair. Th-then tried to k-k-k-kill m-me." Rise N' Shine answered back. Unblinking. Expressionless. Not a hint of emotion in her voice at all.

"What?" Sandy looked at her in shock. "Why would I...I couldn't....I wouldn't..." He stumbled over his words, trying to wrap his head around the mares words. Trying desperately to find answers. Finally one came to him. He glared at Rise N' Shine. "What did you do to me?"

"I c-cast a sp-spell to al-alter your m-mood. Th-then compare the r-results with..."

"What kind of spell?" Sandy interrupted her, the tension in his voice increasing.

"A m-mood a-altering spell. Sp-specifically, r-r-rage."

"Why?!" Sandy yelled at her, causing Max to tense up, prepared to stop the stallion in case of another incident. "Why would you need to cast a rage spell on me?"

Rise N' Shine stared back at him. Her head shook and wobbled and blood from the gash on her forehead ran down her face her eye. Still, she didn't blink. She didn't show fear at Sandy's sudden increase in volume. She simply stared back, same face as ever and plainly and calmly answered Sandy's inquiry.

"W-we n-n-need to be able to completely un-understand h-how the equine m-m-mind f-functions if we're g-g-going to be able to p-pull off this m-m-m-megaspell. We n-n-need to understand all em-m-motions and how they effect the b-b-brain."

The anger in his voice died away and Sandy looked over to where Rock and Sunshine stood. The older mare ran her hoof through the distraught fillies mane, comforting her as she wept.

"Rise N' Shine..." Sandy whispered as he watched Rock hold the child who Sandy himself had almost made an orphan. "You could have died."

"I'm f-f-fine. M-Max was there." She went back to looking at her clipboard. "It w-was a g-good d-d-day."

"A good day?!" Sandy exclaimed.

"Y-y-yes. We c-collected some f-f-fantastic d-d-d-data." She put the clipboard away before beginning to make her way over to the lab door. "I just n-need to m-m-m-make the finishing t-touches on the r-r-rport then we c-c-can s-s-send it off t-to the m-m-m-m-ministry."

Rise N' Shine began to head to the door and Max followed behind, glaring at Sandy over his shoulder as he walked. Sandy watched as the strange unicorn walked away. She had been moments away from death yet seemed completely unphased. As if everything that had just happened was just part of a routine. Sandy didn't know what to think of her. Maybe she really was just crazy.

As he watched Rise N' Shine leave he heard hoofsteps approaching him from behind. Sandy turned to see Rock and Sunshine walking up to him. Sandy's ears drooped as he watched the pair approach.

"Hey. You okay?" he asked Rock.

"Yes." She replied. "The spell didn't affect me the same way as you."

"Yeah. Guess I got a little out of control."

"Yeah." Rock then turned her attention to the small unicorn accompanying here. The filly was cowering behind Rock's leg, doing her best to hide away from Sandy.

"Hey Sunshine." Sandy said. As he spoke, Sunshine hid dove under Rock's hindlegs, distancing herself further from the stallion.

"It's alright, Sunshine." Rock said, trying to coax the filly out best she could. "He's not gonna hurt you.

Sunshine peered out from behind Rock. Sandy smiled back at her, doing his best to reassure the filly. Seeing his smile, Sunshine finally worked up enough courage to come out from behind Rock's legs. She approached Sandy with her head held low.

"You hurt my Mommy." She said in a quiet voice, only barely above a whisper.

Sandy felt his heart drop. The fillies words hit him like a ton of bricks. Sunshine it seemed, had not inherited her mother's emotionless attitude.

"Yeah...I did..." Sandy said after a moment. "I'm so sorry, Sunshine."

"Why did it happen?" Sunshine brought her head up to face Sandy. Her tears had ceased but her eyes were still incredibly red and puffy. She'd been crying pretty hard.

"It was an accident, Sunshine. Your Mom cast a spell on me and..." Sandy stopped. He didn't want to place the blame on Rise N' Shine. Technically it had been her fault, but Sandy doubted the filly would understand.

"I know..." Sunshine stated. The look in her eyes broke Sandy's heart. She did understand. She knew full well what her mother had done.

"My Mommy's...different." She said. "I don't know why she does the things she does but...I know she doesn't mean to hurt anypony." The filly choked, tears welling up in her eyes once again. "I'm sorry, Mister Sandy." with that, Sunshine started sobbing once again.

"Sunshine." Sandy brought himself down to Sunshine's eye level. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault."

"My Mommy hurt you too..."

Sandy was at a loss for words. The filly’s statement wasn't untrue. Not being able to come up with the right words, he pulled the filly into a hug and tears began to form in his own eyes as well.

The two held each other for a moment. Sunshine's sobbing accompanying the sound of the running machines in the lab.

"She's a good pony Mister Sandy. She is. She's just trying to help Equestria."

"I know Sunshine." Sandy held her tighter. "I know."

"You're a good pony too, Mister Sandy." Sunshine pulled herself away from the stallion and looked up into his eyes. "Will you forgive my Mommy?"

Sandy smiled down at the filly through his tears. "Of course I will."

Sandy's response elicited a smile from the filly. She sniffed and dried her tears with a hoof before once again embracing the stallion. With her head pressed firmly against Sandy's coat, she whispered.

"I knew you'd say that."

Chapter Seven: Hell ain't a bad place to be

Author's Notes:

The chapter has been updated. All information regarding the mysterious book that Sortilege finds has been changed from what it was. If this is your first time reading this chapter then don't worry about it.

I'm catching more and more grammatical errors in this chapter. Did not have an editor this time around so if you see any glaring grammar errors let me know in the comments.

"Well, I mean, let's face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?"

Sortilege stood in the center of a crowded room. Every important pony in the stable seemed to be there. The Overmare. The head of security. The chief technician. The stable's doctor. There were other ponies there too but Sortilege didn't know them. The ponies in the room all wore the same somber look on their faces. They spoke in whispers, speaking quietly, so the little filly in the room couldn't hear them. They asked each other all sorts of questions. What had happened? How was something like this possible? What were they going to do? They all asked and nopony answered.

Sortilege was preoccupied with her own question. A question that had been on her mind since she had woke up that morning. A question she had yet to receive an answer too. It seemed so trivial compared to everything going on around her, but for some reason Sortilege couldn't stop thinking about it. She needed an answer. She looked up and noticed the stable's doctor approaching her. Sortilege brightened up a little. The Stable Doctor was the nicest pony Sortilege knew. Maybe he'd help answer her question.

The doctor of Stable twenty eight made his way over to the little blue filly in the center of the room. He looked down on her with woeful eyes and she looked up at him, perplexed. Then she asked the doctor the question stuck on her mind.

"Who's gonna make my breakfast?"

To the young filly the question made perfect sense. She woke up every morning, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, then ate breakfast. Sortilege was still very young. Not even old enough to have a cutie mark. She couldn't make breakfast all on her own. She needed somepony to do it for her. So, in light of recent events...who was going to make her breakfast this morning? The filly looked up at the doctor, confused and hungry. Rather than answer her question the doctor continued staring at her with the same sad look. His eyes began to water and he proceeded pulled the filly into a tight hug.

In the past, hugs had served to solve various problems for the young Sortilege. Once, she had been teased by a colt in class so bad she'd gone home in tears. Her mother had hugged her and she'd felt better. Another time she'd been running in the halls and fell and scraped her knee. Her father had found her, gave her a band-aid and a hug and like magic everything felt better. Hugs solved all sorts of problems...but not all problems. Sortilege's current problem was that she was confused and hungry. The hug she was currently on the receiving end of did nothing to subdue her mind or stomach. Instead this hug just further confused her and made her a little uncomfortable.

As the stallion hugged the young filly, the Overmare made her way over to the pair. Sortilege sat motionless in the forehooves of the Stable's doctor. As the Overmare approached, Sortilege's hope began to rise. The Overmare was the most important pony in the stable! She knew everything! Surely she could answer Sortilege's question.

Sortilege, still in the embrace of the Doctor, looked up to the Overmare. "Who's gonna make my breakfast?"

Rather than provide the filly with a proper response the older mare looked at the filly with the same sad eyes as the doctor. She then turned her attention to the doctor and Sortilege's question remained unanswered.

"How did this happen Doctor?" The Overmare asked.

"The heater in their room broke." The doctor answered. He had yet to relinquish Sortilege from his embrace. "It released carbon monoxide into their room while they were sleeping. A freak accident."

"Who's gonna make my breakfast?" Sortilege asked once again. Rather than give her the answer she so desired, the doctor proceeded to hug her even tighter.

"How is she holding up?" The Overmare asked.

"Not good." The Doctor replied. "I think she's in shock. She just keeps asking about her breakfast."

"I'm just really hungry." Sortilege spoke up. The doctor's comment further frustrated the child. She wasn't in shock. She was hungry! She hadn't eaten all morning and the person who normally fixed her meals was...currently unavailable.

"Who's gonna make my breakfast?" She repeated yet again.

"Sortilege..." The doctor sat Sortilege in front of him and looked her dead in the eyes. "It's gonna be okay sweetie."

Sortilege stared back at him. She had no idea what to say. No one was listening to her! She was hungry. She wanted breakfast. She was too little to get it herself. She needed someone to make it. Why was it that nopony seemed to understand that.

"Doctor, can I talk to you alone please?" The Overmare asked. The doctor nodded and the two made their way over to the far side of the room. Sortilege watched them as they spoke. She couldn't hear what they were saying but noticed that every once in a while they would look over to her with that sad look in their eyes.

Sortilege stood in the center of a crowded room. The ponies in the room all wore the same somber look on their faces. They spoke in whispers, speaking quietly, so the little filly in the room couldn't hear them. They asked each other all sorts of questions. What had happened? How was something like this possible? What were they going to do? They all asked and nopony answered.

Nopony answered Sortilege's question either. She only wanted to know one thing and one thing only. The filly understood what had happened. She knew her parents were gone. She knew they wouldn't be able to care for her anymore. She understood. What she didn't understand is why everypony in the room ignored her. Why everypony looked at her with such sad eyes. Why nopony answered her question. The only thing Sortilege really cared about at all.

"Who's gonna make my breakfast?"

O.o

"Who's gonna make my breakfast!?"

The group had been walking all through the night. They took no time to rest, just in case there were surviving Oodies or other rival bounty hunters in pursuit. The first rays of sunlight were just beginning to peer through the cloud layer. The five ponies made their way across the barren wastes, tired, hungry and four of them recovering from a night of copious amounts of drug use. The only member of the group who had abstained from the debauchery, was busy making her own discomforts known to the rest.

"Who's gonna make my fucking breakfast?!" Sugar repeated for the third time since the sun came out. "I'm fucking starving!" The sand colored fillies typically foul temperament was at an all time due to her lack of sleep and the loss of her flamer.

"We can't stop and eat now." Scarlet replied. "Oodies might still be on our tail and we have nothing to fight them off with. We need a place to resupply first."

"Fucking Oodies." Sugar responded. The venomous tone she used in the majority of her speech rang particularly clear on this morning. "I hope all those retards got vaporized."

"Doubt it." Scar replied. The crimson Pegasus wore a tired frown on her face. The bags under her eyes remained hidden behind her sunglasses. "Oodie's breed like rabbits. Doubt we got more than half of 'em."

The group continued on. Sortilege sucked on her last cigarette. Savoring every puff. As the group had walked through the night, she'd done quite a bit of thinking, much to her chagrin. She'd been trying to avoid thinking of anything but found herself unable to shut off her mind. Her mind repeatedly wandered back to the days of her youth. She tried desperately to remember all of her childhood friends. She failed. At least since coming down from her high, she'd begun to remember the names of various ponies. That much was a relief. Much less of a relief, was the realization she'd never see any of those ponies ever again. They'd been killed by over zealous bounty hunters. Sortilege fought to understand the reasoning behind the massacre of her stable. Why kill everypony? That seemed just a little extreme. Once they had Sortilege, they had no reason to kill the rest of the Stable's inhabitants. It didn't make any sense. Then a thought struck Sortilege…

"Sugar?" Sortilege spoke up.

"What?" Sugar snapped back.

"Are you sure my Stable was wiped out entirely?"

"I don't fuckin' know. That's what May told us." Sugar replied. She mulled over her words for a moment. "May's also a stupid bitch. She could have been exaggerating I suppose."

"So...there's a chance it wasn't entirely wiped out?" Sortilege asked hopefully.

Sugar's grumpy expression suddenly changed as a revelation suddenly struck her. Her eyes widened, her spine stiffened and she kept her head pointed forward as she walked, not facing Sortilege as she spoke.

"Nope. Just kidding. Everyponies dead. So sorry." She spoke rapidly, hoping to put an end to the conversation as quickly as she could.

"Now hold on Sugar." Upon hearing Scar's voice, Sugar tensed even further. "We don't know that for sure. Somepony could have survived."

Sugar turned to Scar and did her best to force a smile onto her face. "Don't be ridiculous Scar." She spoke through gritted teeth. "May said the place was wiped out. Why would she lie to us?"

"She lied to us about this job." Skitz made her way into the conversation with her usual bluntness.

Sugar faced away from Sortilege and turned her head to Skitz and Scar. She barely held the smile on her face and the corner of her eye twitched sporadically. Scar and Skitz stared back at the filly in confusion. Through her forced smile the filly mouthed the words 'shut up' at her companions. Scar and Skitz each raised an eyebrow at each other, both trying to comprehend Sugars strange behavior.

The moment was interrupted by a sudden interjection from Smokin' Grass. "Yo gals. Check it out."

Grass pointed in the distance where a lone structure stood. The place had formerly been a diner but had now been converted into a small supply depot. Wood boards with the word "Stuff" had been nailed over the diners original sign.

"We might be able to resupply over there."

"Yeah sounds like a good idea." Sugar agreed. "And let's keep quiet on the way over there. I gotta fuckin' headache."

The rest of the group obeyed the fillies orders but still exchanged bewildered glances amongst themselves. Sugar was acting odd.

The group made their way over to the supply station and entered. A lone stallion sat near the counter, his head down and his eyes closed, fast asleep.

After everyone had entered, Sugar used her magic to slam the door and jostled the stallion from his nap. The stallion sat up, let out a yawn, smacked his lips and with his eyes still half closed began to speak.

"Welcome to Stuff. The fuck you want?"

Sugar shot him a nasty glare "We need supplies. The fuck you have?"

"You got a fuckin' mouth on you little girl." The stallion replied then looked to Grass. "You let her talk like that?"

Grass shrugged. "I ain't her fuckin' dad."

The hair on the back of Sortilege's neck bristled as she listened to them speak. "I hate that word."

"What word?" Grass asked.

"The 'F' word."

"Fuck?"

Sortilege nodded.

Grass let out a small chuckle. "You're adorable."

Sortilege felt a rush of heat make it's way to her cheeks and a small smile creep onto her face. She into Smokin' Grass eye's and for a moment felt something...new. A sensation she’d never experienced before. As she stared back at the handsome young stallion before her she felt the burning sensation in her cheeks make it’s way into...other areas as well. This was definitely new.

"Are those incendiary bullets?!"

Sortilege's daze was cut short by Sugar. Her, Skitz and Scar had begun to browse through the supplies when a particular item caught the fillies attention.

The shop owner let out another yawn. "Sure are."

"Are they five five six's?"

The stallion shook his head slowly, trying his best not to fall back asleep on the counter. “Sure are.”

"Perfect for Bandit! How much?!" Sugar was practically hopping up and down in excitement.

"For the box?" The stallion rolled his eyes up in thought for a brief moment. "Hun'red fitty caps."

"Shit! I don't have enough!" Sugar turned and looked up at Scar. "Scar do you have any spare caps I could borrow?"

Scar shook her head. "Got nothin' Sugar."

Sugar looked over to Grass and gave him the best puppy dog eyes she could manage.

"Grass, can I borrow a hundred and fifty caps? Please?" She thrust out her lower lip, in an attempt to be as absolutely adorable as she could manage.

"Nope. Sorry Sugar. I'm homeless now. I need all my caps for myself."

"Shit!" The puppy dog eyes vanished in an instant and Sugar's rage came surging back all at once. She turned to her largest companion, who seemed to be busy staring off into space as usual. "Skitz, you have anything on ya that I could trade?"

Skitz turned her attention from the spot on the wall she had been so seemingly focused on and looked to Sugar. "What?"

"Do you have anything in your cloak I can trade for fire bullets?" Sugar regarded her partner with a look of hopeful desperation.

"Lemme check." Skitz then began to dig through the various pockets and sections of her cloak, looking for anything she'd be willing to part with. She began to pull out all the random items she had accumulated in the past few days and lay it across the counter. Within a few minutes, a plethora of bent tin cans, broken dinner plates, old stuffed teddy bears, empty bottles and a toilet plunger sat across the counter.

Sugar looked to the shop owner with wide hopeful eyes. The shop owner looked at the wide assortment of junk that now sat on his counter before looking back to Sugar with a frown and a raised eyebrow.

"Actually...I think I want to keep this one." Skitz said, before grabbing the toilet plunger and placing it back into her cloak.

The store owner switched his bemused look to Skitz before turning back to Sugar. "Yeah I'm not taking any of this shit." He yawned once again. "Hurry the fuck up. I wanna go back to my nap."

"Fuck!" Sugar exclaimed once again. "You have anything else Skitz? Anything at all?"

Skitz began to dig through her cloak again. The various knives and guns she had stored away, clinked and clanged against each other.

"Why don't you trade a couple of those old guns and knives?" Grass suggested. "You have plenty and it looks like a couple of them are pretty much useless anyway."

Skitz froze in the middle of digging through her cloak. Slowly she turned to face Smokin' Grass. Once again the absent minded smile had disappeared and been replaced by a scowl. She glared back at Grass and a low growl began to emanate from her throat.

The sudden change in Skit's demeanor caused him to take a nervous step back.

"Ummm...nevermind I guess. Sorry."

Skitz held her glare for a little longer before returning back to digging through her cloak.

Scar leaned over close to Grass and began to whisper. "Yeah by the way...don't ever ask Skitz to part ways with a weapon."

"Yeah..." Grass whispered back. "I got that."

"You got any other advice for dealing with her crazy?" Sortilege asked, interjecting herself into the conversation.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Scar immediately snapped back at her, her face a mix of both rage and bewilderment.

"I...I...I..." Sortilege stuttered, taken aback by Scar's sudden aggressiveness. She looked to Grass for help but the stallion seemed just as confused as Sortilege.

"You want advice? Keep your fuckin' mouth shut." Scar snapped again, then walked away from the two to join Skitz and Sugar.

Sortilege looked to Grass, her mouth open in genuine confusion.

"What did I do?" She whispered.

"I'm not sure." Grass answered back. "Maybe she doesn't like you calling her friend crazy. But between you and me..." Grass leaned in even closer to Sortilege so he was sure that no one would overhear his next statement. "...Skitz is a fucking nutjob."

Despite the vulgar language Sortilege found herself nodding in agreement.

"Ah!" Skitz suddenly exclaimed and then proceeded to pull out a large roll of magazines from one of her pockets. "Maybe we can trade these?"

She laid the magazines out on the counter for the group to see. Everyone's eyes widened as they stared at the covers. On the front very single magazine featured absolutely stunning mares, striking various compromising poses. Everyone gaped at the magazines in awe. Sortilege felt her cheeks redden. A coy smile began to creep onto Scar's face. Grass began to chuckle. Skitz wore her typical oblivious smile and the previously exhausted store owner was now wide awake, his eyes focused like lasers to the magazines and a little string of drool dangled from his lip.

One member of the group left out however. "Hey assholes, I can't fuckin' see what it is!" Sugar said as she tried in vain to peer over the edge of the counter.

"Trust me Sugar, you don't wanna see what it is." Scar replied as she smiled down at the filly.

Sugar used her magic to snatch one of the magazines off the counter and she began to flip through it.

Upon opening the first page her brow furrowed in disgust. "Eww." she flipped to the next page and her scrunched her nose in further revulsion. "Gross." She turned the page again and this time the look on her face changed from one of repugnance to absolute horror. "Gah!" She yelled as she dropped the magazine and took a step back from it as it hit the floor. "What the fuck?! That's disgusting! Skitz where the fuck did you find these things?"

Skitz shrugged. "Around."

Sugar shuddered. "What the fuck!? Ponies like that?!"

Scar and Grass both chuckled.

"Just wait 'til you're older Sugar." Scar said.

"Nope! I'm never having sex! I'm staying a virgin forever! Sex is fucking gross!" She shuddered again before turning to the shop keeper. "We'll give you these for the incendiary rounds. Deal?"

The stallion picked up one of the magazines and opened it up. His eyes widened immediately. "Holy fuck!"

Skitz peeked her head around the counter to view the magazine as well. Upon seeing its contents her eyes widened in a similar manner to the stallions. "Oooo, I like that one."

The stallion glanced back and forth between Skitz and the magazine for a while before finally answering Sugar's inquiry. "Yeah I'll trade 'em."

"Woo!" Sugar moved to snatch up the box of ammunition on the counter but was stopped by Scar.

"Hold the fuck up! We could trade those for some real supplies. Healing potions and food and shit like that. It's not all about you Sugar!"

"But Scar!" The filly looked up to her partner in desperation. "Fire bullets!"

Scar cocked her eyebrow back at Sugar.

"Ugh! Fine!" She snapped. "Fuck you Scar! You ruin all my fun!!"

The group was able to trade the magazines for a fair amount of food supplies and a couple of healing potions. As the group prepared to head out, Sortilege approached Scar.

"Scar? I'm sorry about what I said earlier. About Skitz."

The red Pegasus regarded Sortilege coolly for a moment before responding. "Just don't do it again. Skitz has issues. We all do but we don't take kindly to bein' called crazy."

"Who called who crazy?" Sugar asked as walked over to the pair.

"Sorts did. About Skitz." Scar replied.

Sugar glared at Sortilege. "You bitch!" She snapped. She held her glare for a second before turning back to Scar. "C'mere for a minute. I got something I wanna talk about with you and Skitz." She shot another glare towards Sortilege. "In private."

The pair walked away to join Skitz, who sat at one of the diners booths, leaving Sortilege alone with Smokin' Grass. Sortilege smiled awkwardly at Grass who returned the smile with much more confidence. As Sortilege regarded the stallion, the same feeling from before overcame her. She looked over Grass's features. He was very handsome stallion, he always had a sly smile on his face but the feature that stood out were his eyes. On the outside Grass seemed like a perfectly nice stallion but in his eyes all Sortilege saw was...cold.

"You okay?" Grass asked as Sortilege gazed into his eyes.

She shook herself from her daze and averted her eyes. "I'm fine. Just...confused."

"Probably been a stressful week I imagine." Grass said with a smile.

"Yeah it has been. I don't think I've ever cried this much in my life. But..."

"But what?"

"I don't know. It's hard to describe but...It's like I don't feel bad enough. Like...I feel like I should be more upset than I am but..."

Sortilege turned and looked out the window of the diner. "The wasteland is terrible...but I don't think I completely hate it." She turned back to Grass. "Is that weird?"

Grass chuckled. "Yeah actually it kinda is."

Sortilege sighed. "I'm so tired."

Grass walked over to Sortilege and put his foreleg around her. "After last night, we're all tired."

"What are you gonna do Grass?" Sortilege asked.

"Oh don't worry about me." He smiled at her. "I'll think of something." He finished his sentence with a wink.

Sortilege smiled back at him. It was good to be reminded that there were kind ponies in the wasteland.

Over at the booth, Sugar, Skitz and Scar spoke in hushed tones.

"What's this about Sugar?" Scar asked.

"We need to shut the fuck up about Sort's stable. As far as we're concerned, everyone is dead. Got it?"

Skitz and Scar glanced at one another with raised eyebrows before turning back to Sugar.

"Why?

"Because, right now that bitch thinks she has nowhere to run to. If she figures out she still has a home, she might try to run off." Sugar looked over to where Grass and Sortilege stood. "We might want to reconsider tying her up or something."

"I don't think that's necessary." Scar replied. "C'mon Sugar she's been good so far."

"She's not your fuckin' friend Scar!" Sugar whispered through grit teeth. "She's a fucking job! The highest paying job we've ever had or will again. Get it through your skull! That bitch is gonna make us rich."

"Yeah I get that...but...she's still a pony Sugar."

"Oh boo fuckin' hoo! Don't get soft on me Scar. You can pretend you care all you want, but when it comes down to it, you're just like me and Skitz..."

Scar lowered her head and frowned. Skitz had on her oblivious smile and Sugar her ever present scowl. "Now, let's talk about those incendiary rounds..."

"You're not getting those!"

"You ain't the boss of me bitch!"

While Sugar and Scar argued and Grass and Sortilege talked, the shopkeeper was about to get back to his nap. He let out a yawn and began to close his eyes when he noticed something odd. He perked up and focused his eyes on Sortilege. He studied her carefully before digging through his belongings and finding a piece of parchment that had arrived at his shop only a few days prior.

"Sugar you don't need incendiary bullets!" Scar snapped.

"Yes I do! It'll be like having Smokey again. It'll help me grieve!"

"Be reasonable! With the caps we have, plus the magazines, we can get a decent amount of healing potions and cheaper ammo and that's gonna benefit us a lot more in the long run."

"But-"

"No buts!" Scar slammed her hoof to driver her point home. Skitz did exactly the same only she just seemed to be miming Scarlet's movements for reasons that not even Skitz herself understood fully.

"Fine!" The filly finally gave in. The group trotted up to the shop keeper and laid the rest of their caps along with the magazines on the counter. "All this shit for all the food and supplies you can share."

The stallion looked over the magazines and caps laid out on the table.

“Ummm yeah. Just hold on one minute. I keep the food and stuff in the back. Stay right there.” The previously exhausted stallion seemed to have regained some of energy and hurried off to the back of the store as quickly as he could.

As the group waited Sortilege began looking over the items stashed in the display case. She had neither the means or desire to purchase anything but it helped to distract her from everything that had been running through her mind. As she browsed, one item in particular caught her attention. A book. An old, dusty, plain looking book with a single white star on the cover. As Sortilege studied the cover of the book she noticed something and what she noticed made her blood run cold. It simply wasn’t possible. She rubbed her eyes. She shook her head. Maybe she was still a little high. She blinked hard several times and then returned her attention to the book. It remained the same. No detail had changed. She carefully studied the words etched on the cover. She had made no mistake. She knew that above all else, she had to have that book.

“S-Sugar!” She called out.

“What?” The irate filly trotted over to Sortilege”

“Will you buy me this book?”

“The fuck you need a book for?”

“Sugar...look at it…”

Sugar did as she was told and began to study the book. At first she was unimpressed. The study of psychic abilities held no interest to the filly. Then her eyes wandered to the same spot that Sortilege had seen before and the fillies eyes widened in shock. Her jaw dropped open.

“What the fuck?” She exclaimed. Just like Sortilege, she could hardly believe what she was seeing. “Skitz! Scar! Come over here and look at this!”

Skitz and Scar wandered over. Sugar pointed to the display case and the two looked at the book in confusion. Eventually though, their eyes came across the same spot and their expressions changed to match Sugar and Sortilege’s.

“Whoa.” Was all Skitz managed to get out.

“That is fucking weird!” Scar said. She removed her glasses to get a better look at it. None of them could believe what they were seeing.

Eventually Grass made his way over to the group and they pointed out the anomaly to him as well. Soon he joined them in their shocked expressions. The group simply stared at the book in silence for a moment. Finally Grass spoke.

“It’s got to be some kind of coincidence.”

“Probably.” Sugar replied. “But it’s still trippy as hell.”

“You’re gonna buy it for her right?” Grass asked.

"I don’t think we can afford it.” Scar answered him.

“Then I’ll get it.” Grass said. “I got a couple caps I can spare.”

Sortilege looked over to the stallion and smiled. He returned her smile with his own before shooting her yet another wink.

“Oh so you’ll buy her a stupid book but you won’t buy me incendiary bullets?” Sugar glared at the stallion. “Fuck you Grass.”

“You know what Sugar?” Grass began. “I’ve just about had it with your…”

Grass’s sentence was cut off by the return of the shopkeeper stallion. The young unicorn didn’t seem to be carrying any supplies though. Instead he held a fancy looking shotgun in his magic. With the business end pointed right at the group.

The only one’s to react were Sortilege and Skitz. Sortilege began to ease away from the gun. She was sweating nervously. Skitz on the other hand seemed to be enamored with the gun. Skitz had a thing for shotguns and the one pointed at her was exceptionally pretty.

“Alright, here’s the deal.” The shopkeeper began. “Hand over the million cap bitch and you’ll make it outta here alive. Got it?”

The rest the group simply shot him a bemused look. Skitz kept her eye trained on the shotgun. Sugar and Scar looked at one another, raised their eyebrows and then turned their attention back to the stallion.

A few moments later the group made their way out of the shop fully supplied. Sugar was ecstatic.

“Woo! Fire bullets! Fuck yeah!”

Skitz was equally happy but far less vocal. Mainly due to the fact that she held a brand new shotgun her mouth. She trotted out of the store with her head held high.

Sortilege looked at the book she had procured. She still couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Grass was probably right in that it was most likely just some weird coincidence but even still, it made Sortilege uneasy. All at once she felt a chill. As if somepony was watching her. She looked over the vast expanse of the wasteland. There wasn’t a single soul around for miles, save for their group. She looked at the cover of the book one last time, just to be sure it still said the same thing. Sure enough it did. Written in small letters across the bottom of the book:

"Diary of Sortilege Harmony."

O.o

Dear Diary,

Me and Shimmer practiced magic again today! We went to the library and found an old book on mind spells like hypnosis and stuff. We were hoping to find one that would make the colts fall in love with us. There were a bunch of really interesting spells in there though. I'm going to try a couple of them out.

Dear Diary,

I got my cutie mark today. I used one of the spells I learned from that book on Shimmer. The spell made Shimmer walk backwards. The window was open. She gets out of the hospital tomorrow. I don't know what my special talent is. What is a big white star supposed to mean? Today's been a crummy day.

Dear Diary,

Blue Sky, the Pegasus colt picked on me again today. Momma says that he picks on me because he likes me. I don't like him. He's not even cute. Wish he would just leave me alone.

Dear Diary,

Blue Sky won't be picking on me anymore. He was teasing me again. So I used one of those spells from that book again. The spell made it so blue would fly higher uncontrollably. Eventually his wings got tired. I burned the book when I got home. I'll tell the library I lost it.

Dear Diary,

Schools been a lot nicer without Blue Sky around.

Dear Diary,

Shimmer and I aren't friends anymore. I told her about how I used the spell on Blue Sky and she got really upset. She said she was going to tattle on me. I'm so mad. She's supposed to be my friend. Friends keep secrets.

Dear Diary,

Shimmer won't be telling anypony about Blue Sky. I think I'm starting to understand what my special talent is.

Dear Diary,

Picked up a book on Stars today. Apparently Zebra's believe that stars are evil.

Dear Diary,

Teacher gave me detention today.

Dear Diary,

New Teacher seems nice.

Dear Diary,

Dreamy Delight, the cutest stallion in class, asked me to the dance! He was gonna ask Creme Brulee, but she's in the hospital.

Dear Diary,

Dreamy Delight stood me up. Everypony is gonna be laughing at me tomorrow.

Dear Diary,

School burned down. Momma and Papa have decided we should move. Says this town just isn't safe. Too many weird accidents happen this place.

O.o

Sortilege closed the book. Her mind was whirring and she was having the most difficult time focusing her thoughts. She couldn't believe what she had just read. It scared her.

She sat down the book and looked around. Night had come and everypony was settling in. They'd gained a decent amount of supplies from the diner. Grass and Scar were talking to one another. Skitz was doing something with her new combat shotgun. Sugar was seated right next to Sortilege and staring right at her.

"What's the matter with you? Look like you just seen a ghost."

"I'm fine...it's just...this book. Weird that it has my name on it."

The filly shrugged. "Eh don't look to much into it. It's just a coincidence. A creepy one but weirder things have happened. Like one time, I shit you not, I was running with my old raider gang and we ran into this freaky mutant thing. Guy fell into a pool of taint or something. I don't even know but he was the scariest looking motherfucker I'd ever seen. Had extra limbs poppin' out of him and shit. It was nuts. So you know what I did?"

Skitz, Scar, Grass and Sortilege all replied in unison. "You shot him in the face."

"Damn straight."

Sortilege chuckled. As messed up as it may have been, Sugar's story was just what she needed to help shake the feeling of unrest that had settled in her gut. It didn't last long though. Sortilege looked up into the night sky. A small gap had appeared in the cloud layer and through it Sortilege could make out a small group of stars. A large one encompassed by three smaller. Just like her cutie mark. The longer she stared the more the vertigo began to set and after a while she looked away. Her breath had quickened slightly and she placed her hoof on her chest in order to calm herself down.

"Scar! Can I have a cigarette?"

O.o

Rock sat at the top of a building and looked out across the wastes. The sun was setting. Little gaps in the cloud layer allowed a few dying rays of the sun to shine through. Rock surveyed the land. Nothing moved. It was almost peaceful.

"Ugly ain't it?"

"Hmm?" Rock hadn't even noticed the Griffon sitting next to her. One of the mercenaries Gunsmoke had hired.

"The wastes. Fuckin' ugly, am I right?"

Rock shrugged. She didn't find it particularly ugly. To her it was just dirt and rocks. Scattered over miles and miles. Nothing ugly about rocks. Most ponies didn't think much of rocks but Rock was not most ponies.

"Ehhh whatever." The Griffon continued. "You're not much of a conversationalist are you?"

Rock shrugged again. The ghoul hardly ever spoke. If she didn't have something to say she remained silent.

"She never has been."

Rock turned her attention to the newcomer and a warmness began to make it's way into her chest as she watched Sandy approach them. The edge of her mouth curled slightly. The closest thing she could get to a smile.

"Good evening Mister Sandy. How's it going?" The Griffon asked.

Sandy shrugged. "It's goin.'"

"That's it? That's all you're gonna give me? You two are boring as fuck."

Sandy laid down next to Rock. He looked her dead in the eyes and smiled. He'd begun to smile again ever since Gunsmoke had hired them. Rock attempted to do the same but failed. She wasn't good at smiling even before she had died. Now that her face had mostly decayed, it was even more difficult. Sandy though, had always been a great smiler. It was his smile she'd fallen in love with. Sandy leaned forward and kissed her as the very last rays of the sun died away.

"Oh! Gross!" The Griffon seated next to them began making incredibly rude gagging noises. "I can see his tongue in your mouth! Disgusting! I'm fucking out of here!" With that the Griffon leaped into the air and flew away.

"Good. Glad she's gone." Sandy said. "Wanted to talk to you about something Rock."

Sandy pulled out a piece of parchment and handed it over to Rock. The parchment in question was the bounty notice for Sortilege. It had a picture of the mare on it and as Rock stared at it she began to realize what it was that Sandy wanted to talk to her about. Rock couldn't exactly place her hoof on it but for some reason she felt like she'd seen the mare before.

"Does she look familiar to you?" Sandy asked. "I can't help but feel like I've seen her before but I don't know where from."

Rock nodded and continued studying the parchment.

"Even her name sounds familiar." Sandy said.

Rock studied the piece of paper a little longer. She looked over the words on it. 'One Million cap reward for whomever delivers Sortilege Harmony to Forb Mountain alive.' Rock began to wonder how anypony could have amassed such a fortune. Rock remembered a filly from her days before her youth who claimed to have a collected a million sparkle cola caps. A childish exaggeration. Thinking of the child made Rock wonder what it would have been like to be a mother. She had never gotten the chance. She's died too soon. Ghouls couldn't have children. In her two hundred years of travel she had experienced just about everything there was to experience. Everything but the one thing she wanted most in life. If given the choice she'd give back those two hundred years of adventure without a second thought in exchange for a simple short life with the stallion she loved. Her one respite had been the fact that he'd been there through it all. The thought of abandoning her had never even crossed his mind and the thought of losing each other was the only thing the two really feared.

Rock snapped out of her daze and looked at Sandy. He'd been looking at her the entire time. Smiling. It'd been so long since she'd seen him smile.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are lately?"

Rock smiled back the best she could. He had reminded all throughout the day, every day for two hundred years. She laid her head against him and closed her eyes. His heartbeat was faint but it was the most wonderful sound in the world. Sandy placed his foreleg over his wife and gazed up into the night sky.

"See that spot Rock?"

Rock looked into the sky to see the spot Sandy was referring to. A little hole in the clouds where a cluster of stars gathered and in the middle of the cluster was an empty space.

"That's ours Rock. That empty spot right there is our spot and when we die that's where you and I are gonna go. Our last adventure together."

Sandy laid his head atop Rock's. "When this is all over Rock. When she gets here and we bring smiles back to Equestria...I think we should die. There's nothing left for us here. It's time to move on."

Rock snuggled into her husband. She didn't need to say anything to him. He knew that she agreed. She'd been thinking the exact same thing. To die in the arms of the pony she loved was the only adventure she had left.

As the ghouls laid there in each others embrace and as they did Rock sat back to when she'd first met Sandy and the events and ponies that had brought them together...

O.o

Rock stared at the giant gears moving on the walls, trying to wrap her head around their purpose. She'd been on her way to the lab when she'd spotted she. Two gigantic, moving gears right next to the door entrance. Rock had never really noticed them before but for some reason today they had caught her eye. She wondered what their purpose was. She wasn't aware of any particular reason for them to be there. Were they part of some complex machinery hidden behind the wall? Were they decorations? If Rock looked away from them would they still exist? Did they have a destiny? A reason for existing beyond the comprehension of any mortal equine being?

The truth was Rock was stalling. She was in a particularly foul mood this morning. Her stomach ached and her head throbbed. The first thing she'd done when she awoke was throw up. Her stomach was empty but she couldn't seem to keep anything down so her hunger only added to her torment. So she stood by the door, waiting. Dreading the day she had ahead of her. It'd been almost a full year since she'd arrived at the facility and they'd made almost no progress on the megaspell. The war just kept getting worse and worse and the citizens of Equestria were lacking hope more than ever. Talks of weaponized megaspells had everyone paranoid. The last embers of the fire of faith were dying away.

"Goodmorning Rock!"

Rock's heart stopped when she heard his voice. The one aspect of each and everyday she looked forward too. Sandy. From the moment Rock had met Sandy she'd been enamored. The way he smiled. The way he moved. The way he breathed and even the way he blinked. The stallion hadn't possessed a single faulty quality. Upon their initial meeting she'd been stunned. To shy to bring herself to introduce herself to him. All she could bring herself to say was 'Rock.' She'd mentally berated herself for her poor choice of words but at the same time it had lead to something wonderful. He mistook her flustered introduction for a legitimate one and ever since then he had taken to calling her "Rock." And she could barely describe how wonderful it made her feel. He named her after the most beautiful thing in the world. Every time she heard those words leave his lips, butterflies formed in her stomach.

Unfortunately it didn't seem like he felt the same way as she did. At the start there had seemed to be some sort of attraction, but it seemed to die away quickly. He never treated Rock as anything special. He was friendly to her and polite but he was like that with everypony. He told her the same jokes. Gave her the same looks and treated her the same way he treated everypony else. She was just another pony to him.

Rock still held onto that bit of hope though, that maybe someday the stallion of her dreams would return her love.

"Goodmorning Sandy."

"How are you this morning Rock?"

"I'm fine. How are y..." at that moment Rock let loose a monstrous sneeze and coated Sandy in lime green ooze.

The two stood there in silence for a moment. Sandy reeling in disgust and Rock dying of embarrassment.

"Gesundheit."

"I am so sorry."

"It's fine." Sandy said as he produced a handkerchief and began to wipe the goo off his face. "You don't seem fine."

"I'm sick." Rock replied with a sniffle.

"I can see that. Why don't you take today off?"

Rock shook her head. "Can't. Today's too important. We have a new pony joining us on the project."

"Really?"

Rock nodded. "A consultant from the ministry of arcane science. She's supposed to be an expert on mind altering magic. Maybe even better than Rise N' Shine."

Sandy perked up. "Well what are we waiting for?! Let's go meet her."

Sandy and Rock headed over to the lab entrance where the ever present minotaur guardian, Max, awaited them. He scanned their ID cards and the massive doors opened.

As Rock stepped through the doorway she felt a knot in her stomach. It could have just been her illness but it didn't quite feel right. It felt wrong. A cold shiver ran down her spine. A new presence lingered in the facility and it would prove to be unlike anything Rock or Sandy had ever encountered.

And wouldn't encounter again for two hundred years.

O.o

Sortilege couldn't bring herself to read anymore of the journal. The contents were simply too disturbing to her.

Sortilege sighed. She set aside the bag and reached into her pocket and picked out the only other item she currently carried with her. The book Ditsy Doo imparted on her. "The wasteland survival guide."

If there was anything in the world that could help her it was this book. She opened it and began to read, only to have the book ripped from her grasp by a pink magic aura and tossed into the fire.

"Sugar! Why did you do that?!"

"Principle Sorts. I made a promise to burn every single copy of that retards book I could find and I never break a promise."

Sortilege frowned. "Oh bother."

"Don't worry none about it Sortilege. I can tell you everything you need to know about the wasteland with ten simple easy to remember rules." Sugar smiled as wide as her mouth would allow. She stood up and faced Sortilege, then proceeded to clear her throat.

"Sugar's ten commandments to wasteland survival! One: Food and water are gold. Two: Bullets are cheaper than healing potions. Three: Shoot first and ask questions never! Four: Help yourself because no one else will. Five: Don't fuck no one over unless you plan on killing them. Six: Better safe than sorry. Seven: Know when to quit…

"You suck at that one." Scar interjected.

"Shut the fuck up Scar! You're ruining my speech! Ahem...where was I?"

"Seven."

"Good to hear you're paying attention Sorts! Alright, seven: know when to quit. Eight: Don't be a hero. Nine: Waste not, want not. And the tenth and final rule..."

"If this is your first night in the wasteland...you have to fight." Skitz interjected.

"No!" Sugar giggled. "Skitz shut the fuck up." Though her words were harsh Sugar's voice held no aggression at all.

"The tenth rule Sorts and probably the most important rule." Sugar looked Sortilege dead in the eyes. "Make friends. They're the most important resource there is."

"Mhmm." Sortilege said as she typed away on her pipbuck screen.

"Are you writing these down?" Sugar asked.

"Well...yes. I want to remember them."

Sugar pressed her hoof into Sortilege's nose. "Nerd!!" She smiled at the older mare and Sortilege laughed.

"You seem like you're in a better mood Sorts." Grass chimed in.

Sortilege's smiled faded. "I'm not sure Grass. I'm just trying not to think about anything."

"You seem to be doing a pretty good job at it. It's kind of impressive."

"Yeah you should be all sorts of fucked right now." Sugar added. "You torched a fucker back in the hut. How you feel about that?"

Sortilege shrugged. She had been trying not to think about it.

"Well let me give you advice." Sugar trotted around Sortilege and laid down next to her. "Don't. Don't feel anything about it. That guy was trying to kill ya. Then I would of been out a million lucre! Fuck 'im. Got what he right deserved."

"I suppose..." Sortilege replied.

"You really don't seem bugged by it." Sugar commented. "Good attitude to have. Oodies are wild animals anyways."

Sugar turned her attention to Skitz who was seated a ways away from the fire and was messing with her new shotgun. She had sawed off the majority of the barrel and had replaced it with what appeared to be a large tin can and was just adding the finishing touches.

"Whatcha doin' to that thing Skitz?"

Skitz raised the shotgun and took aim at a small lizard sitting on a rock not far away. She tongued the trigger and the weapon fired. Instead of the thunderous roar typically produced by a shotgun it let loose a small whistle and the lizard exploded into red mush.

"You put a fucking silencer on a shotgun?!"

Skitz smiled. "Yeah."

"You're nuts." Sugar giggled. "Whatcha gonna name it?"

Skitz caressed her new weapon. "Whistler."

"Whistler?"

Sktiz fired the shotgun again into the distance and it made the same low whistling sound.

"Whistler." She whispered.

"Why do you name guns?" Sortilege asked.

"Naming guns is important." Sugar answered. "Not every gun. Take Skitz for example. She's like a walking armory. Too many guns to name. And she's got even more knives. But she carries a couple special ones with her that she puts a lot of love and attention into."

Sugar faced Sortilege. "Guns are your friends. Remember rule ten?"

Sortilege nodded.

"Show her your buddies Skitz!"

Skitz reached into her cloak and pulled out her large machete. "This is Moonlight. First thing I ever used to kill a pony in the wastes with."

"She killed my old crew with that thing." Sugar added.

"Wait what?!" Sortilege and Grass exclaimed simultaneously.

"Oh yeah. We were raiders. We were out raiding. Saw Skitz wandering around all on her lonesome. Crew rushed her. Skitz turned them to minced meat." Sugar smiled at the large, goofy looking mare. "Her and I been best mates ever since."

Skitz smiled her big goofy grin. Sorts smiled as well. She was actually having somewhat of a good time and was determined to enjoy it while it lasted. Grass smiled too. The stallion was always smiling mainly due to the fact that he was perpetually stoned off his ass.

There was only one member of the group lacking a smile.

"Hey Scar! Quit being a sook and get over here and show us the new toys Grass gave you!" Sugar called out.

Scar had been lying quite away from the group. Her eyes held heavy bags under them and her mouth hung low in a frown. She seemed genuinely depressed and Sortilege couldn't help but wonder if she herself was at fault.

"What the fuck has got you so down?" Sugar asked.

"Just tired."

"Well show us the present Grass gave ya."

Scar took off her battle saddle. She'd replaced the submachine guns that had previously adorned them for the two, fancier looking weapons Grass had gifted to her.

"These are a couple of old rapid capacitor laser weapons. Made by the enclave. Basically a fully automatic laser."

"Laser?" Sortilege asked.

Scar nodded. "A direct energy weapon. Fires a concentrated beam of magical energy. Turns the target to dust. Great thing about these is that they use electron charge packs meaning I can recharge them when they run dry rather than having to buy more ammo."

Scar looked over her saddle and finally cracked a smile. "They're accurate as fuck too. Way better than my old smg's." She looked over to Grass. "Thanks Grass. You're the man."

Grass chuckled. "Yes I am."

"So whatcha gonna name 'em?" Sugar asked.

Scar pointed to one of the lasers. "Dust." she moved her hoof to the other. "Echoes."

"Dust and Echoes?" Sugar nodded with a smug smile etched into her face. "Cool. I like it."

Scar's smile faded away. "Well gee thanks.” she replied sarcastically. “Glad to have the Sugar stamp of approval."

"Wow. Did you get mud in your cunt or something? I feel like that sudden bout of aggression was undeserved."

Scar laid her head on the ground and sighed. "Sorry."

"Yeah whatever. Go to sleep."

"Yeah." Scar moved away from the group and headed back to her own secluded corner of the camp. As Sortilege watched her leave she couldn't help but feel responsible for Scar's current state.

"Don't worry about her none. She'll be right by sparrow's fart."

"What?"

"Hey Skitz!" Sugar left the previous conversation in the dust and turned her attention to her oldest companion. "That reminds me! You gotta name that bad boy that Grass gave you!"

Skitz reached into her cloak and retrieved her new grenade launcher. The weapon was massive but overall simplistic. A single barrel attached to a large cylinder with six tubes connected to a handle. Skitz flipped the weapon open and revealed the inside was completely empty.

"I think that's a good name." Skitz said.

"What's a good name?"

"Bad boy."

Sugar shrugged. "It's your gun. Name it what you like."

Skitz reached into her cloak and pulled out another object. This one looked like a bullet. A big pink bullet.

"Finally have something that can shoot this."

Sugar and Grass's eyes both went wide as saucers and the two began reeling away from the item as if it were radioactive.

"Skitz what the fuck is that?!" Sugar exclaimed. "Please don't say what I'm thinkin' it is."

Skitz chuckled. The reactions from Grass and Sugar made Sortilege nervous. Still she was curious.

"What is it?"

Skitz smiled. "Canterlot grenade."

"Where the fuck didja get a canterlot grenade?!" Sugar exclaimed once more.

"From Freaky. Was a gift."

"Put that thing away! It's worse than a fuckin' balefire egg. Don't pull it out unless we get rushed by a Hellhound and even then make sure I'm on the other side of Equestria before you use it!"

Skitz rolled her eyes and proceeded to stash the grenade along with Bad Mother, Mother, Anton and Whistler away in her cloak.

Grass laughed. "Damn Skitz. I swear you're the scariest pony I know. I'd rather fight a Hellhound barehooved."

Skitz smiled her big, unassuming, nonthreatening grin. Looking at her, you'd never guess just how terrifying the mare could actually be. "Thanks."

She then proceeded to lay her head down and close her eyes. "Goodnight guys. Sweet dreams."

Sugar yawned. "Skitz has got the right idea. I'm dead tired." Sugar followed in Skitz examples\ and laid down and closed her eyes, leaving Grass and Sortilege the only two still active.

"So Grass." Sortilege began. "Are you gonna join us and collect the bounty too?"

"Not sure really. Don't have a home anymore. Kind of at a loss as what to do. Not sure the bounties the right way to go. Girls could probably do it but I'd probably get killed. My old girlfriend lives close to here here. Might go see what she's up to."

"I'll be sad to see you go Grass."

"Don't worry about that Sorts." Grass said with a grin. "I don't do goodbyes. Only until next times." He finished his sentence with a wink.

"I'll look forward to it." Sorts returned the smile and her own weak attempt at a wink.

"So what about you? You got a million caps on your head. What are you gonna do when those girls get to Forb Mountain?"

Sortilege shrugged. "I have no idea. I don't even know why I'm wanted or how they could have known about me. I've never even left my stable. Maybe it was all a mistake. Maybe they got the wrong pony. I don't know what's gonna happen."

"You'll be alright Sorts." Grass said. "I've never met a Stable pony quite like you. You seem to be doing okay. Just stick with the girls and they'll help you sort out this whole mess." Grass's eyes wandered over to Scar's direction. "I'm gonna go check on Scar. Probably go to bed afterwards. Goodnight Sorts. "

"Goodnight Grass." Sortilege smiled. "You're the man." Then attempted another wink.

"Yes I am." Grass chuckled and then trotted off into the night.

Sortilege pulled out the book she had obtained from the shop. The cover was simple enough. Just a plain red binding with the title on the front. Simple but Sortilege liked it. Red was her favorite color after all. The book made her uneasy. The fact that it not only had her name on the cover but also spoke of the same sack of coins Sortilege had happened to always carry with her was simply strange. Despite the weirdness of it all Sortilege also found the book...somewhat comforting. As if she had been destined to find it. Like she was being guided by ethereal forces. It made her feel safe and in control. Like everything was destined to be okay.

Sortilege felt something dig into her side. She looked down to see Sugar snuggled up next to her, fast asleep. The little filly looked positively adorable. Like an actual Filly for once. Sortilege remembered Sugar's words. Her rules for staying alive in the remnants of the world. Specifically number ten. Sortilege looked around the camp to Skitz then to Scar and Grass and then back to the slumbering Sugar. That was the rule Sortilege would value over all others. For the first time in her life she felt like she was following it.

Sortilege laid down and closed her eyes. She snuggled up tight next to Sugar and for the first time in days felt as if she would finally have some pleasant dreams.

And then the snoring came.

Snore. "Bitches...bitches...bitches...."

O.o

When the group awoke, Grass was gone. Apparently when he'd told Sortilege that he didn't do goodbyes he wasn't kidding. He had left without a word. Sortilege simply wished him the best and hoped in her heart that she'd one day see the kind and quirky stallion again. She hoped she lived that long at the very least.

After the group packed up their things and ate breakfast the group headed out. Sortilege licked her teeth clean of the remains of the most delicious substance to have ever entered her mouth: Sugar apple bombs. The finest in wasteland cuisine. While Sortilege could do without the crazy ponies and vicious monsters, the wasteland itself just kept proving to be quite enjoyable.

Sortilege smiled and hummed to herself as she walked.

"The fuck are you so happy about?" Sugar asked her.

"I'm not sure. Just in a good mood. I actually had a good night sleep and in all honesty I'm finally starting to feel a little like my old self."

Sugar stared at the older mare in amazement. "How? Seriously, please tell me how the fuck you can be smiling right now?"

Sortilege shrugged. "There just isn't anything for me to be upset about."

"You were ripped from your home, everyone you grew up with is most likely dead, you just killed a guy for the first time and you've been captured by ponies who intend to sell you for money. How can you possibly be fine?!"

Sortilege thought for a moment. "Well...yes I was ripped from my home, but...I'd been there my whole life. It was actually starting to get pretty boring and it's nice to get out and stretch my legs. Experience more of what life has to offer."

Sugar stared wide eyed as Sortilege continued.

"Now about everyone in my Stable possibly being dead...yes I suppose I'm still very much upset about that but...well...I never took the time to get to know anypony there. I can remember a few nice faces but the majority of them just blend in together. It's not like I was close to anyone though I suppose I will miss our doctor."

Sortilege paused as she remembered Doctor Feelgood. She could really go for a lollipop. "But it's not like I'm a stranger to loss or anything. I lost my parents when I was very young after all and I made it through that just fine."

"You're just over it? How? I'm not even over the death of MY parents and I never even met 'em!"

"Well...I wouldn't say I'm...over it. Not completely anyway. I'm still sad I'm just...through crying about it. Tears solve nothing. So I have resolved to do away with them."

"Well...way to look on the bright side I guess." Sugar mumbled. "Wish I could do that."

"And as for killing that atrocious Oodie brother...well I guess I would say I'm over that. It was an act of self preservation. I merely reacted in the moment. Not something I'd care to do again but...if I'm gonna be living in the wasteland now I suppose it's a necessity."

"You're right about that." Scar interjected. "Nopony can last out here for long if they refuse to kill. Sugar you might want to make that rule eleven or something."

"That's just common sense Scar." Sugar replied. "No need to be writing' that down."

"And as for being captured by you...well I prefer you over the ponies who captured me first. And imagine what it would have been like had I been captured by those ghouls or worse the...Oodies." Sortilege shuttered. "You three may have your quirks but...as weird as it is...you're the closest thing I've ever had to friends."

Sugar smiled warmly at Sortilege and she smiled back. While their initial meeting may have been rocky, the little filly had finally begun to grow on the Stable mare.

"I like her." Sugar proclaimed. She turned to Skitz. "Can we keep her?"

Skitz smiled and shrugged. "Sure."

The moment was interrupted by Scar who leaned down and whispered in Sugar's ear. "What happened to not being her friend? Thought she was just a job?"

Sugar frowned. Beaten by her own words. "We need to find a water source guys." She said, addressing the group as a whole. "Scar's still got mud in her cunt."

"Fuck you, you little bitch." Scar replied.

"Knock it off you two." Skitz snapped. Eliciting shocked expressions from both Scar and Sugar. "Someone's coming. Get ready." Skitz sniffed into the air. "Might be raiders. Can't tell quite yet."

Sugar and Scar prepared their weapons. Skitz took the lead and Sortilege hid behind the large mare. Out in the distance a lone figure appeared at the top of the hill. It was tiny. Perhaps the same size as Sugar. It thrust its hoof in the air and called out to the group.

"Sugar!"

Sugar squinted her eyes at the figure in the distance. "Who dares invoke my name?"

The figure kept waving and calling out for Sugar.

"Skitz. Gimme the binoculars." Skitz did as she was told and gave her binoculars over to Sugar.

"Fuck me! It's fucking Nia!" Sugar dropped the binoculars and began galloping at full pace towards the figure.

"Nice." Scar commented. "We might be able to pick up some more supplies."

"Who's Nia?" Sortilege asked.

"She's a little Zebra friend of Sugar's. Travels around with her adopted moms selling shit to whoever's willing to buy it. They stop by Misery a lot. Nice gals."

Scar's mood had not seemed to improve. She was wearing a permanent scowl. Sortilege contemplated asking about it but before she could, Scar took off into the air towards Sugar, leaving Sortilege alone once again with Skitz.

As the two mares walked towards the other group flashbacks of the previous night ran through Sortileges head. She'd learned a lot from that experience. Perhaps 'don't ask Skitz about her past' should be rule twelve. For the most part Skitz seemed to be in her typical, easygoing oblivious mood but Sortilege had no way of telling when she would snap again.

When the two finally made it to the group, Sortilege saw the rest of the caravan. A large wagon being pulled by two giant birds, rested at the top of the hills. Standing next to the wagon, Scar was busy talking to a unicorn mare. While she may not have been as clean as Sortilege or possessed Scar's natural beauty the mare certainly wasn't ugly. She was dirty but very nicely dressed, wearing a short green dress and a helmet with goggles attached to it. Her coat was lavender and her hair was gold with a little stripe of green through her mane and tail.

Seated on the wagon was a mare who was almost identical to the mare speaking with Scar. Her coat and mane were identical colors but whereas the other mare looked relatively clean this mare's coat was grimy and unkempt. Whereas the other mare had a long and well styled mane, this mares was short and messy, poking out underneath a stocking cap she wore. Instead of a dress this mare wore a torn and dirty sweater and a pair of sunglasses sat on her face which happened to match her cutie mark. Last, the mare talking with Scar seemed pleasant and happy and the mare on the wagon seemed completely disinterested in everything going on around her.

Sortilege turned her attention from the two mares, to the two strange creatures pulling the wagon. A pair of giant birds. bigger than any pony Sortilege had ever seen. The birds heads moved around in quick darting movements, just like the ravens that Sortilege had seen scattered about the wastes. Sortilege had always thought that all birds could fly but had a hard time imagining that the little wings on these massive creatures could get them off the ground.

"Be careful now." The mare in the hat said to Sortilege as she approached the birds. "They don't like strangers and they'll nip at you if you get too close."

"What are they?" Sortilege asked.

"Radmus! Giant radioactive birds. A very rare sight indeed. Perfect for pulling our little supply caravan and much faster and easier to take care of than Brahmin."

The mare approached Sortilege and smiled. "I'm Goodness Gracious and over there is my twin sister, Morning Sunshine." The mare on the wagon gave a small, disinterested wave, not even bothering to glance over in her sister's direction. "We've heard about you. The million cap mare. I simply must ask: why do you have such a large reward on you?"

Sortilege shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Hope to find out soon though."

Goodness nodded. "I hope you do as well. Can't imagine it's too much fun being a wanted mare."

Sortilege turned her attention to the last member of the group. The little filly speaking with Sugar. The enemy of Equestria. All her life Sortilege had been told that Zebra's had been responsible for the destruction of the world. That they were evil creatures, hell bent on the annihilation of all ponykind. The little filly in front of her was the last thing Sortilege had expected to see. The Zebra filly was smaller than Sugar. She didn't look too different from a pony, save for the black stripes that ran along her body. The filly had quite the interesting hair style. Her big, poofy mane seemed larger than her own head. Her cutie mark was fascinating as well. It seemed less like a cutie mark and more like a continuation of the Zebra's stripes that formed into a singular star pattern, much like the symbol you'd find on a compass.

Sugar was just in the middle of telling Nia one of her wonderful stories.

"So I'm lounging at home right, and Skitz comes up to me and asks me 'Hey Sugar what do ya want for hearth's warming?' and I'm like 'the fuck is hearth's warming?' and then she explains that it's some holiday from before the war that everypony used to celebrate and give gifts and whatever. So she wants to get me a gift and I can't really think of anything but I tell her I'll give it some thought right?"

"Right." Nia replied.

"So I'm thinking about it. Try to figure out if I want a new toy or a tea set or some crap like that. I'm wandering around one day and I go in the bathroom to take some personal time ya know."

"Dookie time."

"Exactly. I pick up this old magazine and it happened to be and old issue of Weapons Monthly."

"Oh I love that magazine!"

"I know! It's my favorite. So this magazine right, it magically opens up to the center page where in lies an advertisement...to the brand new..." Sugar lowered her voice to giver her next words more dramatic effect. "...Destruction ranger three thousand mini gun!"

"Oh wow! That's a nice gun."

"I know! So eventually Hearth's Warming time rolls around, it's Hearth's Warming Eve and I'm getting ready for bed and Skitz has this old green thingy set up in the middle of our room right, some shitty pieces of metal all painted green and made to look like a tree ya know? Apparently it's a tradition that you put up a tree in the middle of your house during Hearth's Warming and then you put the presents underneath them and open them in the morning. Well I'm not known for my patience exactly and when I saw that big box underneath that tree with my name on it I fuckin' flipped out and I asked Skitz If i could open it early. She goes 'why not' and I open it up and guess what it was?"

"A dollhouse."

Sugar stared back at her fellow filly dumbfounded. "No, have you been listening to me? I only asked for one thing. I got the mini gun!"

"You got the mini gun?!"

"I got the mini gun!"

"You got the mini gun! Alright!"

"Yeah of course I did! I only asked for one thing. But the only problem was, this thing is brand spankin' new. I have no idea where the fuck Skitz found this thing. It's so friggin' new in fact...that it's still in pieces. So I got to put the thing together myself."

"Some assembly required huh?"

"Very much so. So I spend the rest of the night, while everyone else is asleep, spending the whole night putting this damn thing together. Well It gets to be around three in the morning and I'm adding the finishing touches right, just decorating, putting a little flame design on the barrel, painting it pink, the usual ya know. All of the sudden...I hear this giant banging noise on the roof! It's three in the morning!"

"Burglars?"

"That's what I thought. So decide to go up to the roof to check it out. It was like destiny ya know? That I would receive that chain gun on that night and be awake that late putting it together. So anyway. Up I climb up our ladder and as I peer over the lip of the roof you know what I see?"

"What didja see?" Nia asked getting more and more enthralled with Sugar's story.

"A big, fat, drunk homeless stallion, with this big fuckin' white beard in a red smoking jacket and a red sleeping cap is on our roof! Somehow, I shit you not, I didn't make this up, he managed to get this big fuckin' sleigh, tied to a bunch of fuckin' radstags, up on my fuckin' roof top! And the fucker is trying to take a dump in my chimney!"

"Yer kiddin'!"

"I'm not! I couldn't believe my fuckin' eyes! It was the craziest damn thing I've ever seen! And I'm like 'Hey! What are ya doing?' and he turns to me and he says 'Hey little girl you get back to bed!' and I go 'No YOU get back to bed!' So I pull the trigger on the minigun and I unloaded on him, shot him right in the face! I send him flying off the back of the roof, but then it also spooks the fuckin' radstag that are up there and they start freaking' the fuck out so I decide to light them up as well and unload on them and start pickin' 'em off one by one like a fuckin' skeet shoot. So I clear the whole roof right only NOW...I gotta clean up the place."

"Bummer!"

"I know! So I decide to take it out on the radstag. I make one into a rug, gave us a nice new decoration for our hideout. I put up a new stuffed radstag head over the fireplace. Scar received a new lucky radstag hoof and for Skitz? She got a brand new, nice red smoking jacket. And after that Hearth's warming was saved!"

"You saved Hearth's warming!"

"I saved our fuckin' lives!"

"Wow Sugar. Yer amazin’."

"You bet I am."

Sortilege watched as the two laughed together. When they stopped the young Zebra approached Sortilege.

"Hey. I'm Nia. Can I ask ya somethin'?"

"How can ya stand the smell?"

Sortilege raised her eyebrow at the young Zebra before her. "Pardon?"

"Sugar's breath. Travelin' wit’ her this whole time. How can ya stand it?"

"Fuck you Nia, you uppity bitch!" Sugar rushed over to Nia and shoved right up against her fellow fillies. "My breath is lovely!"

Throughout Sortilege's brief time in the wasteland she'd encountered many terrifying things. Bloatsprites, ghouls, raiders, radroaches and of all the things she'd encountered she would be quick to place Sugar at the very top of that list. So when Sugar pressed her face into Nia's, her eyes burning with that same familiar rage Sortilege winced, knowing full well that Sugar was not above beating her fellow filly within an inch of her life. But Nia didn't flinch. She stared Sugar straight in the eyes, a smug grin glued to her face...then she darted out her tongue and licked Sugar's nose.

Sugar jumped back "Agh! Gross Nia! Now I got fuckin' Zebra cooties!"

Nia smacked her lips. "Ya know fer a filly named Sugar ya ain't all that sweet."

Sugar was frantically trying to wipe the imaginary Zebra cooties from her face. Sortilege and Nia both chuckled at the spectacle. All at once they were interrupted by the sound of someone yelling behind them.

"C''mon Goodness! Cut me a fuckin' break!" Scar was yelling in the face of Goodness Gracious.

"I'm sorry Scar but it's too far off of our trade route."

"And it's dangerous." Morning replied from the front of the wagon. "We aren't mercenaries Scar. We're merchants. We'll end up getting killed if we help you."

"Me and the girls are about to be millionaires. YOU could get a slice of that action! C'mon think about it for a minute, you guys are missing the opportunity of a lifetime!"

"Scar, It's not happening." Goodness replied apologetically. "But I'll tell you what, since we're friends and all, we'll give you a discount on our merchandise. Does that help?"

"Whatever." Scar huffed then made her way to the back of the wagon to look at supplies, her head hung low and her eyes narrow the whole time.

"Don't mind her none." Sugar said as she approached Goodness. "She's got some mud stuck in her cunt or something." Sugar turned her attention to the other mare seated at the front of the wagon. "Hey Shady! You got any good remedies for washing mud out of your cunt?"

Morning raised both her forelegs and struck them together twice in Sugar's direction.

"Yeah fuck you too ya cranky bitch!" Sugar yelled back.

"What's all this fuckin' yellin' about?" A voice, a male voice, called out from the back of the wagon.

Sugar turned her attention to the back of the wagon. Her expression brightened significantly. Her smiled completely enveloped the lower half of her face. her teeth showed and eyes widened.

From behind the wagon, the source of the voice revealed itself. It was male, Sortilege was at least sure of that. Anything else about the creature, Sortilege was clueless. It walked on it's hind legs or rather it hopped on them. The creature legs didn't seem like they were quite built for running, resembling nothing like any equine or any other creature Sortilege had ever seen. They were thick and well muscled, very different from the creatures forelegs which were diminutive in comparison. Each one of it's five forelegs had five little claws at the end, one of which held a mug filled with an amber colored liquid. It's elongated muzzle somewhat resembled a dogs and it's long ears poked out from underneath a wide brimmed hat he wore.

"Well, well, well..." The creature spoke. "If it ain't my three favorite cunts in the wasteland!"

Sugar smiled back up at the creature. "G'day Joey!"

"G'day yerself sheila. How ya been Sugar Baby?"

Sugar scrunched her face back at the creature. "Don't call me Baby, Joey. You know I hate that."

"I will call ya whatever I damn well please ya little shit." The creature, Joey, turned his head and spotted Sortilege. "’Ello then. Who 'ave we 'ere?"

The creature wiggled his eyebrows at Sortilege and approached her with a devious smile. Sortilege instinctively backed away. It wasn't so much that she had no idea what the strange creature was, but rather in the way Joey was looking at her. It was just unsettling.

"G'day miss. Name's Joey." The creature said extending one of his paws. Sortilege reached out her hoof and the creature grabbed hold of it, brought it to his mouth and kissed it. Sortilege remembered back to her first meeting with Smokin' Grass, when the stallion had gone through almost identical motions. She'd felt all sorts of new emotions back then. Her cheeks reddening. The feeling of butterflies dancing in her belly. This time she once again felt an entirely new rush of emotions. Her cheeks going green. The sudden wave of nausea in her gut. Strange how the same exact gesture could get such a variety of response.

Sortilege pulled her hoof away from the creature. "Sortilege Harmony." She replied, not doing a very good job at keeping the disgust hidden from her face. "Pleased to meet you."

"Sortilege?" Joey repeated back. Saying the name as if it had left a bad taste in his mouth. "What the hell kind of name is Sortilege?"

Sortilege glared back at the creature. For what may have been the first time in her entire life she felt genuinely offended.

"Well what sort of a name is Joey?" She answered back with as much venom as she could muster.

"Oh I like her!" Joey said turning his attention back to Sugar. "She's feisty! Where'd ya pick this one up Sugar?"

"She's our latest job Joey. Biggest job we ever had!"

"Oh yeah?" Joey turned back to Sortilege. "Yer that million cap bitch ain't ya? Who'd ya fuck to get that much money on ya eh?"

"Excuse me sir." Sortilege replied, putting on her sternest expression. "I do not appreciate being spoken too like that. Please tone back your language a little."

Joey scoffed. "Don't like being talked to like that eh? Well fuckin' get used to it sheila. Ain't no such thing as foul language out in the wastes. There's just language. Why don'tcha work on yer own communication skills and ask me the question that's on the forefront of yer horny little noggin eh?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"The question yer dyin' ta ask mate. You know what I mean, so ask it. I ain't gonna get offended. It's a reasonable question."

The gears in Sortilege's mind finally began working and she soon realized what Joey had meant. There was a question she was dying to ask and Joey's promise that he wouldn't be offended hardly mattered because at this point she could care less if he was offended or not.

"What are you?" Sortilege asked.

"There ya go! The question of questions! Well Missy, it just so happens that you are looking at one of the only specimens of talkin' Kangaroo yer ever likely to encounter in the wasteland!"

"Talking Kangaroo?"

"That's right. A talking Kangaroo. Only one I've ever met. Met other Kangaroo's before but none of them could talk like me." Joey shrugged and brought his mug up to his face for another drink. The Kangaroo approached Sortilege and placed his hoof around her neck. Sortilege wretched as the heavy smell of alcohol hit her nose.

"Now..." Joey began. "Whether or not there there are other talkin' marsupials out there or not I don't fuckin' know. What I do know is this..." Joey downed the rest of his beer. "There ain't no one else out there quite like me."

He finished his sentence by laughing in Sortilege's face and proceeding to slap her ass.

Sortilege, quite fed up with the Kangaroo's rambunctious behavior began to turn away from the strange and incredibly rude creature. As she turned around she ran face first into another pony who had stealthily made her way over to the area. Sortilege backed away to see Skitz standing before her, same oblivious smile over her face, her dark mane draped over one eye.

"Well 'ello Skitz." Joey spoke and then looked over the mare. "Still the most terrifying thing walking around on four legs?"

Skitz closed her eyes and smiled. "You know it!"

"Hey Joey!" Sugar said suddenly. "Tell us a story!"

"Tell us the story of the time you tamed that Hellhound Joey." Nia said.

"Ah that's a good one. "Have a seat girls." Sugar, Nia, Joey and Skitz all sat down in the dirt. Sortilege remained standing and mulled over whether or not she would stay to listen.

Joey pulled Sugar onto his lap and proceeded. "It was quite a ways back. I was out on my lonesome, hoppin’ around looking for something to do, when what do ya know, something to do is exactly what pops out of the ground. This Hellhound bitch erupts from the earth like a fuckin' volcano and the first thing I notice is that she's got the nicest ass..."

Sortilege immediately walked away. She'd had enough of that from Sugar. Joey's overall disposition had bothered Sortilege to the absolute extreme.

She made her way to the front of the wagon and leaned against it. She pulled out one of her cigarettes and lit it. As she looked over the wasteland she thought about Scar and Joey and Grass leaving. She had been in such a wonderful mood but the universe seemed bound and determined to ruin her day it would seem.

"Hey can I have a puff of that?" The mare on the front of the wagon asked.

"Of course." Sortilege replied and levitated the cigarette over to the mare. "I'm sorry but what was your name again? Morning Sunshine?"

"Call me Shady. Only my sister calls me Morning."

"I see." Sortilege out into the distance. Studying the dull colors of the wastes. The browns, the greens, the little specks of blue where the cloud layer broke apart. She sighed. The more she looked at the wasteland the more she seemed to forget about her Stable. Even if there were survivors, even if she somehow escaped this mess, how could she ever go back? She couldn't leave this place. The feel of the dirt beneath her hooves, the gentle breeze blowing against her face. How could she go back to that suffocating steel enclosure filled with ponies who had never even taken the time to get to know her?

"Huh." Sortilege said aloud as that thought ran through her mind.

"What's up?" Shady asked.

"Just thinking about home." Sortilege said. "Stable twenty eight. You know...I thought I had been happy there but the more and more I think about it...I'm not sure I even realized what happiness was. I wasn't happy. I was just content."

"Ain't that a good thing?" Shady replied. Sortilege gave her the cigarette again and she took another long slow drag off of it. "Having everything given to you. Never having to worry about food, water or shelter. Never having to want."

"Isn't that just like being dead though?"

Shady stared back at Sortilege. It was very difficult for Sortilege to get a reading on her for the mare's eyes were hidden behind a pair of tinted glasses.

Shady levitated the cigarette back into Sortilege's mouth and looked out into the wasteland.

"Ya know. That way of thinking actually makes me mad." Shady finally replied.

"I'm..." Sortilege hadn't been expecting that. "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Shady shrugged. "Didn't upset me. But I know for a fact there ain't a living thing out in the wasteland who wouldn't kill for a chance at the life you had. And here you are saying you prefer it out here in this ugly hellhole. That's just about the shittiest attitude I've ever heard."

Sortilege frowned. "Hey now that isn't fair. You don't know what it was like growing up in a Stable!"

"Lady, I grew up in Tenpony. Pretty much the same thing and let me tell you, I'd give just about anything to get back in."

"Well..." Sortilege began. "I don't think the wasteland is nearly as nasty as everyone makes it out to be."

"You kidding me?" Shady replied, raising her eyebrows in shock. "The wasteland is ugly as all hell! Look." The mare grabbed Sortilege's face with both her hooves and twisted Sortilege's face out towards the wastes.

"Tell me what you see." Shady said.

"I see...brown."

"You see dirt." Shady said. "That's dirt and mud and grime. It's nasty."

"It's pretty." Sortilege replied back. "Brown is a lovely color.

"Brown is the color of shit."

Sortilege wrestled her head free from the other mare's grasp. "Well...yes. I suppose you could look at it that way." Sortilege reached forward and grabbed Shady's head much like the mare had previously done to Sortilege.

"Tell me what you see." Said Sortilege.

"A barren, desolate hellhole. Decay, death and the futility of existence."

Sortilege frowned at the mare. "You must be great at parties." Using her magic Sortilege took the glasses off the mare's face. "Really look at it. Tell me what you see."

Shady stared out into the distance. She saw dirt, dirt and more dirt. In the sky she saw clouds, clouds and more clouds. Then as she was staring she started to notice things. The dirt wasn't all brown, there were bits and pieces of color here and there. Mushrooms and moss still grew, giving the land little speckles of color. The fact that they were so few and far between made them stand out even more. Looking up at the sky she noticed the little holes where the sun was just barely able to get through and shine down on the remnants of Equestria. A small reminder that there was still light in the world.

Then Shady put her glasses back on and it all went away.

"Nope. Hate to tell ya lady but the wasteland sucks."

Sortilege sighed and shook her head. "I guess I see where you're coming from. When you look out in the distance, you see an end. I see a beginning."

"Whatcha guys talkin' 'bout?"

Sortilege looked down to see that the little Zebra, Nia, had joined them.

"Hey Nia." Shady began. "You'd love this chick. She's just as optimistic and naive as you and Goodness."

Sortilege stuck her tongue out at the rude mare. Not a gesture she'd usually partake in but she was tired of rude ponies. Did anypony in the wasteland have any manners?

"Well someone's gotta be to make up fer ya sour attitude Shady."

Shady shrugged before making her way back onto the wagon.

"Yeah she takes some getting used ta." Nia started. "She's alright once ya get ta know 'er though. Now as for Joey..."

Sortilege scoffed. "I could imagine. He's quite the character."

Nia returned the scoff. "You don't know the half of it toots. Imagine livin' with the guy."

Nia turned around and started to head towards the end of the wagon. "C'mon. Yer groups gettin' ready to head out."

Nia and Sortilege headed to the back of the wagon where Goodness, Joey, Skitz and Scar were all standing and watching Sugar. The young filly was busy emptying the contents of her stomach all over the dirt.

"You're a dick Joey." Scar said.

"Hey It ain't my fault." Joey defended himself.

"How is it not your fault?" Goodness asked. "You told her to try it!"

"But she's the one who tried it. Ultimately, she is the one at fault here." After the Kangaroo finished his sentence he proceeded to spit a thick glob of brown fluid onto the ground.

"What happened?" Sortilege asked.

"Sugar Baby just had her first taste o' nicotine." Joey replied. "Typical reaction for a beginner but ya gotta give 'er props for trying."

"You gave a cigarette to a child?!"

"He didn't give 'er no cigarettes." Nia's face twisted in disgust as she watched the remainder of her friends breakfast hit the ground. "Scar's right. Yer a dick Joey."

"Duly noted."

"What on earth did you give her?" Sortilege glared at the biped. Sugar may have been mature and intelligent but she was still a child and harming a child was at the very top of Sortilege's list of bothers.

Joey reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small pouch. "Gave 'er some of this. Straight tobacco chew. She said she could handle it."

"She most certainly did not." Goodness stepped in. "You pushed it on her. That filly idolizes you. She'll do anything you tell her too. You should know better Joey."

Joey shrugged as he opened the pouch and pulled out a large wad of wet, brown tobacco and placed it in his bottom lip.

"I'm offended by that statement Goodness. We been togetha' fer years now and you don't know me at all."

Goodness rolled her eyes. "Kangaroos..."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!"

Sortilege walked over to Sugar. The filly had ceased vomiting and was lying down in the dirt.

"Are you okay Sugar?"

Sugar raised her head. A small string of vomit hung from her lip and remained clinging to the dirt.

"Actually..." Sugar wiped her face clean. "Aside from the hurling I feel great. I'm all lightheaded and shit...it actually feels pretty good. You should try it." She craned her neck to face Joey. "Thanks Joey. You are the best."

"See? She's fine! Yer all gettin' on me case fer nothin'!"

Sortilege walked up to him. "Let me try that stuff."

Joey handed the pouch over to the unicorn. "Knock yerself out sheila. Has a bit of a kick."

"Don't Sortilege." Scar interjected. "It's not like cigarettes. That shit will knock you on your ass. And it's just plain gross. Tastes terrible. You develop a nasty spitting habit and it'll rot your teeth faster than anything."

Sugar ignored her Pegasas companion and took out a small wad of the chew and mimicked Joey's actions. She placed the wad in her mouth and pressed in with her bottom lip. While it wasn't the worst thing she ever tasted it was definitely foul and it burned terribly. Some of the juice flowed down her throat, singing her esophagus and instantly upsetting her stomach. Within a minute Sortilege was mimicking Sugar's previous actions, vomiting all over the ground.

"Told ya it's got a bit of a kick eh?" Joey threw his head back and laughed.

After she finished vomiting, Sortilege noticed a strange sense of euphoria overtake her, not entirely unlike her first experience with a cigarette. She felt amazingly terrible and terribly amazing all at once. Perhaps the weirdest sensation she'd ever been through aside from her experience with herb.

"Oh bother." Sortilege muttered as she attempted to walk but only stumbled forward.

"You get used to it after a while." Joey said.

"I don't think it's a habit I'll be picking up. Thanks for the experience though. Good to try new things I suppose."

"Now that’s a great attitude to have!." Joey chuckled again and moved over to Sortilege. He placed his paw on her back and began to slowly inch it down her spine. "If yer ever in the mood to try something new...come 'n find ol' Joey and he'll show ya somethin' amazing."

"Wretch." Scar spat at him.

"Aw Scar. Ya jealous? There's enough of this little marsupial to go around."

"In your dreams sicko."

"Ugh." Sugar moaned from her spot on the ground. "Let's get going guys."

Skitz proceeded to pick Sugar up by the scruff of her neck and place her on her back. Sortilege borrowed a canteen from Goodness and washed the remainder of vomit and tobacco from her mouth.

The group headed out, slightly heavier from the few extra supplies they had procured. Sortilege was enjoying the nicotine high of her life and Sugar had her eyes closed as she rode atop Skitz's back. Scar seemed in a far better mood, gliding along next to the group as she continued to examine her new longbow.

Sortilege turned her head briefly and waved goodbye. Nia and Goodness had seemed fairly nice and Sortilege hoped to encounter more ponies like them in her travels. Shady wasn't all that bad either but if she never met another Joey in her life it would be all too soon.

Goodness, Joey and Nia returned Sortilege's wave.

"Those girls still scare the livin' daylights outta me." Joey remarked. "You can never tell if they're gonna suck your dick or slice it off!"

"Lovely Joey." Goodness commented as Nia giggled. "But I cannot say you're wrong. Those three are terrifying."

"Four." Another voice joined the group and Goodness turned to see her sister walking towards them. "All four of 'em scare the piss out of me."

"That delightful young stable mare?” Goodness asked. “Why on earth would you be afraid of her?"

"Yeah." Nia added. "She seemed really nice."

Shady watched as the hunters and their prey disappeared into the distance.

"That's what scares me."

O.o

Sandy and Rock entered the massive entrance to the laboratory. Over in the corner, surrounded by various scurrying robots, sat Sunshine and her new companion that had joined her in the previous months.

Sunshine was deep in thought. For once the child sat still, not moving, not flinching, focusing so hard she barely blinked. Her tongue curled out of her mouth in concentration as she studied the object before her. Finally the young mare made her move, moving her bishop across the board and placing it strategically in the far corner.

She lifted her head and smiled wide in pride. "Checkmate."

Her opponent stared at the board. Then to sunshine. Then proceeded to move his back paw and scratch behind his ear. A loud clanging sound rang out as the canines metallic paw struck the edge of the cybernetic constructs wired into his head. The cyberdog stood on all fours and faced Sandy and Rock.

A little light on the dog's collar lit up and a gruff, smokey, metallic voice rang out.

"Alas...defeated...by a child...what has become of the great Walkin?"

Sandy chuckled. "You'll get her next time Walkin. I believe in you."

Walkin, the Cyberdog, turned back to Sunshine. "I hope you know...I let you win...on purpose...I merely wished to spare...your feelings."

"Pffft." Sunshine dismissed her canine companions comment. "I knew you'd say that."

"How are you this morning Sunshine?" Sandy asked

The filly jumped to her hooves, her typical energetic self returning. "I'm doing swell Mister Sandy!"

"Good to hear." Sandy replied with a smile.

"Oh my...Miss Rock..." Walkin began. "You don't look...swell at all...are you feeling ill?"

Rock swayed on her feet, a sudden wave of nausea hitting her. "I'll be fine."

"Where's your mom Sunshine?" Sandy asked.

"She's over there talking to the new lady." Sunshine's expression suddenly dimmed and her smile faded. "I don't like her. She's weird."

"You think she's weird?" Sandy asked, his eyes wandering over to Walkin. "That's saying a lot."

Sunshine nodded.

"Well I suppose we should go introduce ourselves."

Sandy and Rock headed over to the testing area. Finding Rise N' Shine among the large maze of machinery and wire actually proved to be a rather easy task. Rise N' Shine's voice rang particularly clear on this morning and while her words to too distant to be understood by Rock and Sandy, one thing was obvious: Rise N' Shine was upset.

Eventually the two found Rise N' Shine, spitting and stuttering, trying her best to relay some sort of information to the newcomer. Rise N' Shine's mane seemed even more disheveled than usually. Her constant shaking was now completely out of control and her wide eyes somehow seemed even wider. The mare's usual yellow complexion was turning red from frustration.

When she saw Rock, Rise N' Shine hastily marched over to her and began babbling incoherently at the mare.

"Slow down Shine. What's the matter?"

Rise N' Shine did her best to concentrate. Finally her nasally, stuttering voice was able to form a coherent sentence.

"T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tell h-h-h-h-her sh-sh-she c-c-can't s-s-s-smoke in here!" Rise N' Shine yelled.

Rock looked over to the new Unicorn mare, who indeed had a lit cigarette dangling from her mouth.

"Would you mind putting that out? There's a lot of delicate machinery in here, it's a health code violation and I feel really nauseous this morning. Please?"

The mare lifted her hoof and stamped the lit cigarette end into the edge of her toe. She deposited the remains into a nearby trash receptacle.

The mare looked over the newcomers in the most unsettling manner. Both Sandy and Rock immediately knew what Sunshine's aversion had been. She wore a small, sly smile and stared at them through half lidded eyes. The devious look sent chills down their spines. The smile the mare wore was the kind of smile you only saw in comic book villains. It was almost seductive, as if she knew something that no one else did.

"Why hello." The mare spoke. She began to walk towards them and time seemed to slow down. Her dark green eyes held that same, devious look. Her short, bubblegum pink mane bobbed up and down as she walked. When she reached them she outstretched her dark blue hoof towards Rock.

"Pleasure to meet you. I'm Sortilege Harmony."

Bonus Chapter: Gunsmokes Gambit

"Hey Smoke, where you headed?"

Gunsmoke turned his attention from the skywagon he was loading to see his ghoul companion, Sandy, approaching him.

"I had an idea." Gunsmoke answered back. "I'm heading to Tartarus three."

Sandy's eyes widened in shock. "Are you crazy Gunsmoke? You're gonna send him after her?"

"It's worth a shot Sandy. Every second she's out there she's another second closer to death and our employer wants her alive."

"We can go after her ourselves. Or are you really that scared of those girls?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

Sandy chuckled. "Bullshit." He turned and began to walk away. "Use him then. I think you're nuts though."

"I'll remember you said that."

Gunsmoke got into the wagon and ordered the Griffons to take off. The truth of the matter was...Gunsmoke was terrified. He hugged his rifle close to his body as they approached the dreaded, Tartaros three prison facility. Designed to hold the most dangerous of all Equestria's wartime criminals, the facility now held but a single occupant.

The wagon landed and Gunsmoke and his Griffon company began to approach the facility.

"So..." One of the Griffons began. "Who is this guy anyway?"

Gunsmoke kept his eyes forward as he spoke. Never taking his eyes off the massive gates of the prison.

"He has no name." The group reached a moat that surrounded the facility and waited as the massive drawbridge was lowered.

"Some say he was born before the war. Some kind of genetic experiment meant to be the ultimate soldier. Others say he's a demon who escaped from the depths of Tartarus when the bombs fell. Others maintain that he was sent by the Goddesses as punishment for all of Equestrias sins."

They made their way across the drawbridge and through the gate and slowly began making their way down into the depths of the prison. All the lights had long since burned out. The further down they went, the darker it became. The entire place reeked of blood.

"A few years ago a group of one hundred Steel Rangers went out to put a stop to his rampage. He slaughtered them all with his bare hooves."

They continued, ever slowly down the steps of the prison. Gunsmoke used his magic to light the way but the light emanating from his horn was barely able to combat the darkness that was continuing to close in around them.

"Eventually I was sent to hunt him down. Tried to take him down from a distance but the bullets just bounced off his hide. Didn't do nothing but piss him off."

"You're making all this up."

"I wish I was."

The reached the end of the steps and began their walk down a long and narrow hall way. On either side were heavily reinforced cells each with a number above it. Gunsmokes magic illuminated each number as they walked. Six hundred and sixty one. Six hundred and sixty two. Six hundred and sixty three…

"Once I realized I had no hope of taking him down I switched tactics. I was able to convince him that I was his long lost younger brother and convinced him to go into the prison peacefully."

Six hundred and sixty four. Six hundred and sixty five.

"I can only hope that he'll still believe me. Goddesses help us all if he doesn't."

They reached the end of the hallway. In front of them stood a massive door that could easily have held an Ursa Minor inside of it. The cell was numbered: Six hundred and sixty six.

In front of the door stood the prisons only other occupants. Two Earth pony stallion guards in Steel ranger power armor and armed to the teeth with energy weapons. They didn't react to the presence of the newcomers. They stood, absolutely motionless, forever vigilant, lest the monster behind the wall should somehow escape.

Gunsmoke and his companions stood there for a few moments, waiting for the guards to acknowledge their presence. After several minutes of no reaction from the guards, Gunsmoke cleared his throat to get their attention.

One of the guards moved and a startled noise came from his helmet. "Uh-buh wuh!" He looked over the three mercenaries standing before him. "Oh shit! Hey Gunsmoke! Long time no see." The guard turned to his companion and spoke. "Hey! Wake up! Gunsmoke's here!"

The other guard's head tilted backward slightly and a yawn emanated forth from his helmeted head. "Oh. Wassup Smoke? Uhhhhh...whatcha doin' here?"

"I need his help." Gunsmoke replied. "Open the gate."

The two guards shot each other a glance before turning back to Smoke. "Uhhhh...that's not a good idea..."

"It's okay. He trusts me."

"No." One of the guards began. "Ya see...well...ummm..."

"Well Smoke." The other guard continued. "He's not gonna be much use to ya..."

"What are you talking about?"

The guards turned around and each slid specialized cards through corresponding terminals. The massive gate opened up and revealed the cells contents. Inside sat a massive stallion at least four or five times larger than the average pony. However, The stallion was completely devoid of skin, muscle and internal organs.

Gunsmoke stared at the massive skeleton in shock. "What the fuck happened!?"

"Well..." One of the guards began. "He was really scary and all, so no one wanted to open the door to feed him and stuff so..."

"We just...didn't." The other guard finished.

Gunsmoke was unable to take his eyes off of the corpse. His jaw hung open and his face twisted in confusion as he attempted to comprehend the sight before him.

"So wait..." One of the Griffons asked. "Then why are you two still here?"

"Because nopony knows he's dead and this is a good job."

"Yeah we get paid to just stand here and sleep all day. It's great. Please don't tell anyone."

Gunsmoke closed his mouth and his face shifted back to his typical cool demeanor. Then, without a single word, he turned around and began to make his way out of the facility.

The Griffons followed behind him and as they walked one leaned in close to the other and whispered.

"Hey. Ever notice that Gunsmokes plans always kind of suck?"

"Yeah...they really do."

Author's Notes:

Just a little joke based off of a web series I watch (Doraleous and Associates. Check it out it's hilarious)

Has no bearing on the story at all but hopefully made you chuckle!