Spike had his hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets as he stood at the Ponyville Train Station. He was currently waiting for his good friend, Big Macintosh, to arrive. He had spent the last few years away on business. He was traveling places, selling apples to new locations. Meanwhile, Spike aged quite a bit. He was currently in his teen years, living tall and confident.
He wished his friends were there to share his achievement, but they were currently with the Princess's, discussing matters that he could barely comprehend. He had no idea where they were. All he knew, it was far, and he was left to take care of the Library while Twilight was gone. He had a feeling that Big Macintosh's return would make his life less boring. Speaking of which, he heard the call of the train whistling before seeing the engine and many cars pull up in front of the station.
After quite a bit of ponies came out, there was one stallion who stood out. He was tall, muscular, and red all over. Spike smiled as he recognized the man. "Hey, Big Mac!" He called out with a wave. The stallion would smile back before holding his arms out, silently calling the dragon over for a hug, to which he gladly accepted the invitation.
"How have ya been, man?" Big Mac asked as he patted his friend's back.
"I'm doing great! Gosh, it's good to see you!" He said before pulling away. "How long has it been?" He asked curiously. He couldn't really recall the number of years it's been.
"Um...sometime in the last...six years, maybe? Ah don't know. Ah'm just glad to be back." He said with a happy sigh.
"Me too. Because I have the best weekend ever planned for us!" He said before leading him towards the exit of the train station.
"Ooh, Ah'll hold ya to that. Alright. Ah've made it, Ah'm here, we've said 'hello'. Can we please go to Hay Burger?" He smiled at him.
"Uh...I would...I would love to, but I can't really eat that stuff right now. Because of my cleanse." He admitted.
"Yer...yer what...?" Big Mac raised an eyebrow.
"I'm on a cleanse." He specified before the farmer started chuckling up a storm. "It's good for you! Did you know you're supposed to take six craps a day?"
"That's not true! You're supposed to crap twice a day!" He interjected.
"No no, that's what they wanted you to think. Now they know that you're supposed to crap six times a day. Look, man. If you stopped eating gluten, you'd feel way bucking better all day. Whenever you feel crappy, that's because of gluten." He stated matter of factly.
"Wha-who the buck told ya not to eat gluten? You don't even know what gluten is."
"I do know what gluten is! It's a vague term. It's used to categorize things that are bad. Calories, fat, those are glutens."
"Somepony just came up and told ya that you probably shouldn't eat gluten, and you just agreed?"
"Gluten means bad stuff, man. I'm not eating it." He would soon be wrong when he found himself inside the restaurant, chowing down on a hay bacon burger. "Mmm! Each bite is better than the previous one! Gluten!" He cheered as he raised an arm in the air. Afterwards, the two would head back to the Friendship castle that rested just outside of town.
"Whoo! Look at this place. Hasn't changed a bit." Big Mac whistled as he walked inside the large structure.
"Don't be so sure. Come this way." He motioned for the farmer to follow him up the stairs. When they would get to Spike's large room, Big Mac would find a couch sitting in front of a table filled with various snacks.
"Whaaaaat? Are ya serious?" Big Mac asked in surprise. He smiled brightly as he took a seat on one end of the couch. "Look at this. Apples, chips, cider, and..." He looked at the end of the table and found an array of joints that spelled out "BIG MAC".
"Like it? It's your name, dude!" He smiled and sat down next to him.
"Spike...you are just the best dragon." He patted the teen on the shoulder.
"Yeah, I know how you don't get around the Ville much, so I thought I'd lube up your entryway a bit." He chuckled.
"It does ease up the transition. This is much needed foreplay." He nodded with a smile.
"Alright, let's get into it!" He picked up one of the many joints and handed it to Big Mac after lighting the end of it with his fire breath. A few hours later, the two would be leaning on the couch, in a daze.
"Whew. That was...interestin." Big Mac said as he sat up straight and rubbed his blood shot eyes.
"I know...hey. You know how we could shake this off? We could go over to Soarin's. He's having a house warming party. They just finished building it outside of town. I haven't even seen it yet, but it's supposed to be bonkers!" He smiled brightly.
"Well, Ah haven't been in Ponyville fer years, and Ah came to chill with ya." He shrugged, not seeming that excited about the idea.
"We can chill together at the party, and with the others. We'll all chill as one big...unit!"
"Will Ah even know anypony there?" He raised an eyebrow.
"You know Soarin, right?"
"Soarin doesn't even know mah name." He rolled his eyes.
"Well...Caramel will be there."
"Can't stand him, he can't stand me."
"He's like, the nicest guy ever! He likes you so much, he specifically talks about how much he likes you! Out of nowhere, he said, 'Big Mac is an inspiration', I swear."
"There's no way he said that. Also, just can't stand him."
"Okay, uh...Doctor Whooves will be there."
"Ah never met him."
"He's hilarious. A bit crazy, but a great guy. Come on. It's gonna be fun, man."
"For you...Ah will go." He said with a sigh.
"I promise, I'll stay with you all night. I won't ditch you. Know why?" He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Because nopony puts Big Mac in the corner." The farmer rolled his eyes and pushed the dragon's hand away. Half an hour later, they would walk to the outskirts of town while it was beginning to get dark. A large structure would be seen nearby. "Wow, look at this place!" Spike said in awe.
"Seems a bit much, dont'cha think?" Big mac asked, his hands in his jean pockets.
"Not at all! This is a nice location for this big place." He smiled as he knocked on the glass door. "I think it's a cool house." He nodded to his friend.
"Ah know you do."
"I can't wait to see inside it." After about a minute of waiting, the Wonderbolt himself, Soarin would come walking out with a bright smile.
"Haha! Yes!" He pulled Spike into a bro hug. "Spike! Glad you're here!" He pulled away and turned his attention to the farmer. "Hey, Large Mac!"
"It's Big Mac." He said, trying to put on his best fake smile.
"I'll never forget it again, man. Good to see you! Come on in, check it out!" He walked inside and introduced the two to the bright party going on inside. Lots of familiar ponies were either chatting amongst themselves, or dancing like there was no tomorrow. "This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside of me." He smiled at the boys.
"Oh, you both let us come inside you? Cool!" Spike chuckled, while Big Mac just held a disgusted look.
"Icing on the cake. Check it out." He pointed to two paintings hanging on the wall. One would have Spike's name written on it, while the other had Soarin's name written on it. "Side by side. Painted them myself." He said proudly.
"Holy crap!" Spike said in awe.
"Is it...is it weird...?" Soarin asked with some worry.
"What? No, of course not!" Spike assured.
"You sure?"
"I really love them!"
"What do you think, Big Mac?" The Wonderbolt would look to the farmer.
"Uh...well, Ah'm not really a big art guy."
"You don't like art?" Soarin raised a confused brow.
"Well...Ah mean..." Big Mac couldn't exactly find the right words.
"You like apples, dont'cha?"
"Uh...sure. Ah guess."
"Guess what, buddy? You like art. You ever been to Sugarcube Corner? Order a cupcake? Pinkie Pie made that for you. Therefore, you're eating her art." He stated matter of factly. "Let me lay some knowledge on you, Mac."
"Oh, buck..." He muttered under his breath.
"Your Dad's dick was the paint brush, your Mom's plot was the canvas. Therefore, you're the art."
"...thanks, Soarin."
"You bet!" He smiled before walking off through the crowd of party-goers. His partner, Spitfire, would soon come up and join Spike and Big Macintosh.
"Spike, hey!" She smiled as she gave the dragon a hug.
"Hey, Spitfire! How's it going? You know my friend, Big Macintosh?" He pointed to the stallion.
"Oh yeah! Hey, I don't think I ever actually met you." She said with a fold of her arms.
"Well, Ah'm not very social. But, it's very nice to meet'cha, Miss." He nodded.
"Oh my Goddess. If I don't buck Cheese Sandwich tonight, I'm gonna blow my brains out." She said with a chuckle.
"...pardon?" Big Mac blinked.
"Look at him." She pointed to the curly maned male over at the kitchen table. "Tall, one hundred and ten pounds, careless, probably has a huge cock, and coked out of his mind."
"You...you could do so much better. That's just askin fer trouble..." He shook his head.
"So, Cheerilee. Have you ever considered zee job of modeling?" Photo Finish asked as she stood in front of the teacher, not even noticing Cheese Sandwich about to slap her flank.
"Um...not really. I-" She gasped as she felt her flank get smacked. She blushed and glared at the male before slapping him across the face in return. "Don't touch my butt, Bitch!"
"Mouzier Cheese Sandwich, zat iz not oka-" She was interrupted by the stallion slamming a fist on the table.
"Shut the buck up, Photo! We're playing a game! Say 'cheese' baby." He winked at Cheerilee before snorting a good, long line of cocaine off the table. As soon as Spike and Big Mac got past that, they were greeted by Doctor Whooves in the kitchen.
"Oi! What is this, 'ere? A couple good blokes?" He chuckled as he gave the dragon a hug.
"Good to see you again, Doc!" The teen chuckled as he hugged back.
"And who do we got? Big Macintosh!" He chuckled and gave the stallion a hug as well, to which he reluctantly accepted.
"Howdy, Doctor."
"Good to see ya! When did ya get in?"
"Uh, this mornin. And boy, are mah legs tired." He joked.
"Heh! Good one. So, what have you two been doin all day?"
"Oh, we just hung out all day, ate a bunch of dirty burgers, and smoked about a pound of weed." He said simply.
"Weed is tight. Weed is tight. I'm jealous! I would've been there in a heartbeat, but I actually just adopted this incontinent Spaniel. She's a beautiful soul. Her name is Ahjhai. You wanna see a picture of her?" He asked before pulling out a small photo. Not even hearing the objections from Big Mac.
"Aw, she's cute!" Spike said with a warm smile.
"Too bad she can't bark. She doesn't know how. I've tried to teach her, but she just screams. She's all like 'UHHHHH!'. Know what I mean?" Big Macintosh just blinked and nodded.
"Yeah, cool. Uh, tell ya what, boys. Ah am jonesin, so Ah will go outside to find somepony to bum a smoke off of." He pointed a thumb towards the direction of the crowd.
"Okay, hurry back." The Doctor said as he waved goodbye for the moment. He then turned back to Spike. "I dunno, I think we're makin some progress."
"That was really good!" He smiled brightly at him.
"Trust me. I know this story. He's your old friend, we're your new friends. He just feels threatened."
"Don't worry about it. I have a good feeling that tonight is when we finally bust this hole open"
When Big Macintosh would enter the backyard, he would walk over to three ponies having a conversation. The small group would consist of, Cheese Sandwich, Zecora, and Caramel.
"When I'm buckin'...dancing, it feels right! That's what I'm saying, it feels good! I get out there, and I'm just alive, man! And, y'know they might make a law, 'cause having that much fun isn't natural! When they make a law to make clubbing illegal, I will bucking shoot myself. That's my life." Cheese Sandwich would explain with that smile of his.
"I love dancing, too. Perhaps I could go with a group." Zecora said with a shrug.
"Yeah, that's usually my plan. I go with a crew, and end up not knowing if there'll be room for somepony else! I can't just bring anypony into this group. 'Cause, it's a tight group, and most of the members don't approve of everyone. But, it's not like a sexual thing. Like, I'm in kind of a 'guys only' thing right now. Like, I might go home with a guy tonight, know what I'm sayin'?" He chuckled and lightly pushed on Caramel's chest.
"Uh...yeah. Don't know what that means..." Caramel said with a blank stare.
"Oh, you know. It's been an inevitability that we were gonna buck for four years now, so...tonight's the night, baby!" He continued to giggle.
"Ah...don't recall us ever discussin' that..." Caramel said with a shake of his head.
"Um...'scuse me. Sorry to interrupt." Big Mac would say as he tapped on Cheese's shoulder.
"I like your voice. I like the way you talk." The party boy said.
"Um, thanks. Uh, ya mind if Ah bum a smoke off ya?"
"You want one of my smokes?! What'cha gonna do for it? Yeah, that's the story man! Hey, you wanna smoke my cock? Yeah, I'll set my cock on fire right now, and put it out in your butt!" He said with an over-exaggerated thrust.
"Wha...?" Big Mac blinked twice.
"Heh! It's not a joke man. It's not a bucking joke!" The yellow stallion would emphasize.
"A-Ah don't want that..."
"Okay, lighten up!" He giggled hysterically. "Think I'm kidding, I'm not kidding, man! Say 'cheese' baby!" He would then throw his cigarette at the farmer's face. The lit end would hit Big Mac's forehead.
"Gah! Damn!" The stallion said as he winced. "The buck was that for?!"
"What, you never had Christmas on the beach?" He snickered as he pulled out an unlit cigarette. "This isn't my last one, but if it was...I'd give it to you." He placed it in his hand. "Good to see you." He said before bouncing back inside.
"Uh...thanks." He said as he took the smoke in his hand and watched the crazed pony bounce away. He turned back to the others with a shocked expression. "What the buck just happened?"
"Cheese Sandwich just happened. Motherbucker snorted his brains out. Ah'm Caramel, this is Zecora." He motioned to the waving zebra with a smile. "You're Big Macintosh, right?" The country boy would nod. "Spike's boy? Good to see ya, man." He held his hand out for the other to shake.
"Likewise. Likewise." Big Mac nodded and shook his hand.
"You in town, visiting him?"
"Oh, yeah. Just decided to come with him into town tonight. Ah...try not to really come down here much." He said sheepishly.
"Oh, my boy. You do not like the town of joy?" Zecora asked with a tilt of her head.
"Well, Ah mean...not really used to the Ponyville lifestyle."
"Well, what lifestyle are you into?" Caramel asked with a tilt of his head.
"If you look at him in the light, you can see that he's a hipster, right?" Zecora tilted her head as well.
"What? No, no. Ah'm not a hipster, at all." The blonde stallion tried to object.
"Yeah...you do seem to hate a lotta things. And the bottom of your pants are lookin' awful tight." Caramel raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the blue jeans in question.
"Well, A-Ah just have some complaints about Ponyville. Dudn't make me a hipster."
"Ah'll bet you hate book series that are universally loved. You like 'Daring Do'?"
"Eenope. It's a horrendous piece of shit." He said simply.
"Not even for an hour, would you read the ponies of power?" Zecora asked.
"Ya mean 'Power Ponies'? No, no. Ah'm familiar with it."
"You never know what you're gonna get." Caramel said as he shook his head slowly. On the other side of the pool, Cheese Sandwich would approach Trenderhoof, and Doctor Whooves.
"Hey! Whassup, guys? Hey, Trendy. Does this coke smell funny?" He would ask before blowing a handful of cocaine in his face. To which the male would yell in surprise.
"Buck, Cheese, buck! What's the matter with you?! I've never done cocaine, man!" The male said as he wiped the drug powder off his glasses.
"Well, you just did the best shit possible!" Cheese said, chuckling giddily.
"Oh, man. I'm nervous, Doc." Trenderhoof was flailing.
"What is wrong with you?" The Doctor said while looking to Cheese.
"D'aww, he's freaking out. Don't worry, Trend. I will walk you through it." The male placed a hand on the other's shoulder, which helped him calm down a bit. "I'll be your guide. Oop, you got some in your mustache, baby." He said before leaning his head in.
"W-What are you-CHEESE!" Trenderhoof said as he pushed the male away. Inside, the large group of ponies would gather up around Caramel as he played a keyboard. He would look to Cheerilee the whole time he played.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2luoAWRI_8o
Big Macintosh would just be leaning on a doorway, not even paying attention to the song as he smoked his cigarette. Meanwhile, as soon as the song ended, some of the group would just be sitting on the couches in the living room. The teenage diva, Diamond Tiara was pointing out some possible dangers about the structure.
"A kid could fall off this railing at any time." Spike said as he motioned to said railing.
"That's why you have the railing, so they don't fall." Soarin said with a roll of his eyes. Soon, Big Macintosh would rejoin the conversation, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"Uh, ya'll know where Ah can buy a pack of cigarettes?"
"Oh, yeah. There's a place that's like, four blocks away." Spike said.
"You wanna...come with me?" The farmer shrugged.
"Gimme this much time. That much joint time." The dragon said as he held up a small joint. Big Mac decided to go up to the bathroom. After opening the door, he saw a sight that was truly frightening. Cheese Sandwich was receiving attention from Snips and Snails. Snips was busy licking at Cheese's flank, and Snails was sucking the party boy off.
"Hey, Mac. You need to use the toilet, honey? Go ahead." Cheese said casually.
"Uh...nope. S-Sorry, Ah'm sorry." The stallion stuttered.
"Who wants a sip? Sippy time." Cheese passed down a juice box to Snails while continuing to blankly stare at Big Mac, who soon left after that. Him and his dragon buddy were now walking the dirt roads of Ponyville. The stallion rubbed the back of his neck as he stayed silent.
"You okay, man?" Spike asked with a bit of concern.
"Ah, it's nothin'. It's just, you know...you did what you said you wouldn't do. You buckin' ditched mah flank." He said as he turned his head.
"What? I didn't ditch you! Are you kidding me, man? I was talking to The Doctor, and you left to go have a cigarette!"
""Well, Ah mean. The cigarette was an excuse, because The Doctor was bein' a prick." He shrugged.
"The Doctor was not being a prick. If anything, you were kinda being a prick. The Doctor's the nicest guy ever." They would soon approach the local convenient store.
"Come on, man. Nopony is that nice. Serial killers are that nice." He placed his hand on the door.
"Just answer me one question...is Cheese Sandwich's butthole, as adorable as I pictured?"
"Oh, for buck sake." The blonde male rolled his eyes and walked inside.
"I always pictured it like a doughnut. A little sprinkled doughnut." When he got inside, he would cover his eyes a bit. "Oh, man. It's so bright." This was clearly the effects of the marijuana.
"It is bright." Big Mac agreed.
"So many delicious choices...what do I do?" Spike eyed the various candy bars that rested on the shelves.
"I'mma get somethin' to drink." Big Macintosh walked to the freezer section. While Spike was deciding, he would catch some glances at the behavior of the store clerk. She was using a rude attitude to tell a stallion that his daughter wasn't allowed to use the bathroom. Due to the rule that it was for customers only.
After picking out a milky way bar, he would look to Big Mac. "This cash register lady's mean. I have anxiety. Will you buy this for me? When I'm stalled, I can't do this."
"Ah think Ah'm just gonna go home to the farm. Ah'm not really likin' it much, over there at Soarin's."
"Dude, I want you to get to know these guys, that's never gonna happen if you don't put in any effort, whatsoever!" The dragon interjected.
"Ah hate it in there. Ah just wanna drink some pop, and...smoke some we-" His sentence would be interrupted by all the windows in the store that shattered. The ground that was shaking under them, caused an avalanche of snacks to pile upon Spike. Big Mac stared wide eyed at the scene going on before him. By the looks of it, there were bright blue beams that picked up the store customers. All except for the clerk, Spike, and himself.
He couldn't believe it, was this really happening? The moment would soon pass, as the customers got sucked up through the ceiling. The blue beams would disappear after that. He turned his head and stared at the utter chaos outside. There were tons of other blue beams, sucking up various ponies. Meanwhile, down on the ground, there were carriages that were speeding aimlessly down the roads, ponies were running for their lives.
Big Mac breathed heavily as he stood still. Spike would come out from his pile and stand up next to him.
"Mac! Are you okay?" He asked as he placed his hands on the other's shoulders.
"Did you see that?! What the Tartaru-" The store clerk would have finished, but unfortunately for her, a large air conditioner fell through the roof and crushed her. Her blood would spew all over the walls behind her. The two males would scream at the sight.
"Oh, mah Goddess! Oh, jeez! Oh, jeez!" Big Macintosh yelled as he pushed Spike out the door, and jumped through the broken window.
"Okay, okay, okay! This way!" Spike called before getting pushed aside by Big Mac. They had nearly gotten run over by a ponyless carriage that crashed into the store behind them.
"Oh, mah Goddess!" Big Mac said in horror. They would soon see another ponyless carriage that ran over a stallion. Making him fly in the air. "We're outta here!" The farmer yelled as him and Spike started running down the street.
"This way!" Spike yelled.
"Why the buck did'ya bring me down here?!" A lamp post would soon fall near them, causing a huge array of sparks to fly towards the two. No matter how painful it was, they still kept running.
"We're going back to Soarin's!" Spike said after brushing himself off.
"Why?!" Big Mac interjected before two carriages, each one actually having ponies to drive them, crashed into eachother. The blood that would spray from the crashed bodies, landed right in front of the screaming Spike and Big Mac.
"We are going back to Soarin's!" Spike yelled before pulling the other back towards the large house in the field. "Keep going! We're almost there! We're so close!" After making it inside, they found a sight that was different to their expectations. Everypony in the house was just calmly chatting among themselves, seeming to be unaffected by the chaos outside.
"Hey, you guys okay?" Soarin asked from his chair.
"A-Are you guys okay? There was this crazy earthquake, didn't you guys feel that?" Spike asked as he breathed heavily.
"What? Buck no! We can't feel anything in here. This place is a buckin' fortress!" Soarin said with a satisfied smirk.
"T-That wasn't an earthquake, Spike. That was somethin' crazier." Big Mac interjected.
"What's crazier than an earthquake?" Caramel asked while lighting up his joint.
"T-There were blue beams in the sky, a-and they sucked ponies up into the sky."
"He muth be on halluthinogens." Twist said with a giggle. This would cause some laughter from the other ponies.
"Come on, guys. Don't bully Big Mac. He's a sweetheart." The Doctor said, earning him strange looks from the others. "Keep going, man. What are you talking about?" He looked to the farmer.
"T-There were ponies, a-and they got sucked up into the sky, by these blue lights." He tried explaining.
"Sucked up into the sky? Nopony got sucked up in here." Soarin said.
"I got sucked off in here!" Cheese Sandwich called from the kitchen, causing another fit of chuckles.
"No, A-Ah'm serious. Spike, you were there, tell 'em."
"Uh, Spike...the buck is he talking about?" Soarin looked to the dragon.
"Uh...I-I have no idea what he's talking about. Heh, honestly." Spike said with a nervous chuckle.
"Did anypony get 'sucked up into the sky'?" The Wonderbolt leaned back in his seat.
"I didn't see anything. No idea what he's talking about."
"W-What do you mean, you were there with me. What are you sayin'? A-All those ponies in the store, they just buckin' vanished." Big Mac said.
"I didn't see blue lights coming from the sky, you sound crazy. We should just be lucky that-" Spike's sentence was interrupted as the ground shook under them.
"I-It's not over!" Big Mac panicked, while Spike placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Uh, everyone! It's alright! Just a little tremor, party's still going. Sugarcube Corner truck's coming in ten minutes!" The crowd would cheer at the idea, though it would soon turn into terrified screams as the ground started to shake more violently. They started to follow Big Macintosh outside, much to Soarin's objections. "Caramel! Where are you going, man?!"
"Buckin' earthquake!" He said before running out the door. Once everypony would be on the front lawn, they would see a horrifying sight. The entire town was currently being engulfed in flames. Trees were burning to ashes, smoke was replacing the night skies, and ponies were running in panic. Including Pipsqueak, who had been late to the party.
"What the buck?! Oh, Goddess! W-What's happening?! What's happening?!" He yelled as he joined the crowd, but was soon silenced by a panicking Cheese Sandwich.
"Everypony, listen up, listen up! Who took my bucking chicken, man?! Featherweight, empty your pockets!" He pointed to the buck-toothed pegasus.
"...what?" He blinked twice.
"I saw you in the bathroom, shut the buck up! Unbelievable! Unacceptable! After all the coke I've wasted on you ponies!" While he was yelling, he didn't notice the small crack in the dirt that was traveling towards a lamp-post.
"I didn't take your bucking chicken!" Featherweight interjected. After the lamp-post lost it's light, the tall object would start to slowly tilt towards Cheese Sandwich.
"Whoa! Cheese, look out!" Spike tried to warn.
"His name is 'Boneless Three'! B! O! N! E!" He didn't finish his sentence, due to the post that impaled right through the stallion's chest.
