A Cosplayer's Insanity

by ZeroChill

First published

I cosplay as Zanza and head out into Equestria. It ends up as well as you'd think it does.

After going to the most dangerous places in the world, I have finally assembled everything I needed to form the perfect Zanza cosplay for PAX East. Unfortunately, when I put it on, I somehow became Zanza, gained all his powers and developed his bloodthirsty attitude. Now, I'm going into Equestria to see everything unfold.

This fic is for the No Originality Brigade's Most Unoriginal Cosplay Fic Contest. Seriously, it's an HiE cosplayer in Equestria with very little effort put into it. Leave a dislike please. If you liked this monstrosity, then I can confirm that you like unoriginal concepts poorly done.

This is why Cosplay Fics are Unoriginal

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I have done it; I have scoured across the entire world, fought off wild wilder beasts, traveled across seas and have even beaten a god. It took a while, but I managed to get everything I needed.

From Fort Knox, I found enough gold to boil down so that I may make the perfect golden hair dye that will not only make my curly hair straight, but will also make it into a beacon of light.

From the white mountains of the Himalayas, I managed to snap the necks of several white-coated oxen and strip them of their fur, creating the fibers needed to create my white and gold one-piece suit. It’s a good thing I’ve learned how to change the rough hairs into something workable, though I doubt something this thin will fit on me.

From a Gnostic Shrine in Ireland, I managed to fight off a powerful entity, giving me access to a red-colored two-handed sword that I can wield with one hand. I swing it once, revealing a blue laser for a blade and an electrified ring. I smiled as I looked down on Zanza’s Monado.

The most dangerous place of all, however, was within the crumbling ruins of the city of Flint. I remained cautious of all activity around the area, investigating the lost ruins that as the GM Motors building for the other sword I needed. There, I encountered cybernetic dogs and blood thirsty gang bangers with uzis that had more clips than the Detroit Lions.

I have no idea how I made it out of there alive, but I managed to find it; I found a blue and pink two-handed sword that can be wielded with one hand. This sword, however, had an invisible metal that nobody knows is there, but everyone can still feel. This is Meyneth’s Monado.

I have everything I needed to create the best outfit for PAX East 2015. I was half a year away, but I know I can dazzle the entire crowd with my display as the most powerful villain in Xenoblade Chronicles. I assembled the entire outfit, golden hair, sword and all. I looked down on my tan skin and frowned. I hung the outfit on my door, unconvinced that my body would be good enough to cosplay with it.

It was within the middle of a frigid night when I woke up. It was strange, because I didn’t feel exhausted. I peered over to my outfit of Zanza, which stared right into my eyes. An angry scowl was imprinted on my face. I got off of my bed and walked towards it. I put it on with an enraged burst of confidence.

However, something was different; my skin slowly turned lighter, my physical features became slender and my brown eyes somehow became blue when I looked in the mirror. Scared out of my wits, I touched my face and shuddered. It was then when I felt something going inside of me. It felt cold, almost as if a powerful entity entered inside of me.

My entire body shuddered and I screamed loudly as my mind became torn apart. In that moment, I was not only myself; I somehow became Zanza. Fully conscious, but with partial control of my body, I walked over to the two Monados and grabbed them. I smiled.

“Shulk thought that he can create a world without gods by destroying me. I may have been locked out of my own dimension, but there are other dimensions that can serve as food for me.” These words passed through my mouth, but I was not in control of them. Against my will, I looked towards the mirror. I crossed both Monados into an ‘X’ shape.

Suddenly, a conflagration of light appeared before me. The light formed into a blue wormhole that destroyed the fabric of time and space in my room. Beyond the portal, I saw a colorful land with verdant land and a town with a crystal castle in the background. This sight was familiar to me; beyond the land was Equestria! In a way, I grew excited because I love the show. However, a sick smile appeared on my own face, sending cold shivers down my metaphorical spine.

“This land is rich with an Ether-like energy. It’s the perfect place for me to build up on my strength should I ever return to the Bionis.”

I was scared out of my wit. At this point, I felt all control of my body leave me. I was now Zanza, the soul of the Bionis and a master of life and death. This would be coolest thing ever, except Zanza is a monstrous lunatic that doesn’t recognize the value of life and he’s about to wipe out Equestria. All I could do was frown as I took the first steps through the portal into Ragnarok.


Interdimensional travel felt weird. My entire body frazzled with a tingling sensation from the abundance of sparks around. Zanza, however, didn’t seem affected one bit. I walked through the portal until sunshine hit my, errr, Zanza’s face.

As I took my steps into the world, I saw a bunch of colorful ponies with worried expressions on their faces. I looked around and took a strange satisfaction in seeing all of the ponies that do not know that I was going to be their harbinger of death.

“Citizens of Ponyville,” wait a moment, Zanza knows this world?! Maybe our minds are melding after all. It would explain why I feel the way I feel at the moment. “Your services for the land were greatly appreciated by many. Unfortunately, you all shall now have a new purpose in life; you all shall become food for my voracious appetite so that I may recover my strength.”

As expected, the ponies chattered worriedly amongst themselves. Whatever remained of me wanted to tell the ponies to run, regroup and fight back, but I have lost control over my entire body. It was during that moment when I saw Discord poof into existence in front of me. Inside, I smiled since I can be saved.

“You come into our land and tell all these ponies that they are food for you? You must be some sort of lunatic if you think that nopony would stop you.” Discord sharply chided back. A light awoke inside of me. But… it wasn’t a light of hope. It felt more of like a light that was the exact opposite of hope. I felt despair. Zanza laughed maniacally.

“And who do you think you are, telling a god what he can and cannot do?” These words passed through my mouth. An empty feeling came up inside of me. I wanted to cry as Zanza pointed his own Monado towards Discord’s direction. The Monado was covered in dangerously sharp spikes and was filled with the energy that could destroy universes.

“Discord. That’s all you’ll get from me because I frankly can’t think much of someone who thinks of his self as a god when he’s just a small fry.” With a single swing, Zanza struck Discord and brought him down to his knees. I would have been filled with horror if that strike didn’t bring a sick sense of satisfaction to me. Zanza threateningly walked towards Discord with a haughty smile on his face. He pointed Meyneth’s Monado down towards the downed spirit of chaos.

“You think I am a small fry? That is the funniest thing I have ever heard in ages. I destroyed an entire world and reset it a multitude of times, recreating it in the process. I know of your works Discord and, quite frankly, I’m not impressed. You have all that power. But, rather than using it to control the laws of the universe, you use it for menial activities. Only gods have the right to that power. You are not a god.”

I winced as I saw Discord’s mouth open fearfully. His entire body trembled underneath the awesome might of Zanza. With both Monados, Zanza stabbed through Discord. A choir of terrified gasps escaped the ponies. Wisps of magic escaped from Discord’s body and seeped into Zanza and the two Monados.

“That… drain. It… can’t be…” Through his dying eyes, Discord managed to sound out before he slumped over the blades. His body then disappeared into more magical energy. All the ponies ran from the immediate area, screaming their heads off.

I saw Twilight Sparkle, running towards Zanza with a murderous expression on her face. I saw that her energy signature was anything unlike Discord or any pony. A wicked grin formed on Zanza’s face. I know what he is planning to do with her.

“You think you can just come into our peaceful land, commit murder in front of every pony and act so gleefully about it? You seriously are a disgusting being.” She fiercely stated. I wanted to tell her to leave, but I couldn’t. Zanza, however, laughed once more.

“So, you do not appreciate it when I kill your subjects Princess Twilight? All I did was just kill a random spirit that you just happened to be acquainted with. No, I won’t do any killing. Actually, that is what you are going to do!” With these words, I felt a strange pulsation of various energies seep into the world.

“What are you talking about, you raving lunatic?” Twilight Sparkle asked with her left eye narrowed and slanted. I have no control over my mouth, and I must scream to save her.

Suddenly, I saw Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy rush towards her. They looked towards the Monados. They stopped in their tracks, speechless towards the sight of the blades.

“Girls, you have to get out of here, run!” Twilight Sparkle desperately called out.

“Why would we do that, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked with a very annoyed tone.

“This being is… different from anything Equestria has ever seen. He struck Discord down effortlessly. He’s dangerous beyond every definition of the word. Please, get out of here!” She desperately pleaded.

“And leave you here with a dastardly villain like him? That would be disgraceful to everypony. Whether you want it or not, we are here to help you.” Rarity reasoned. Zanza glanced over towards the group of five ponies, confidently grinning at them.

“It isn’t by my hand that the five of you will be finished. It will be by your friend here.” He called out.

“Seriously, what do you-“Before Twilight Sparkle could finish, I saw her shudder and wince suddenly. She screamed in pure agony. She grasped her head with her front hooves, her body shaking underneath pressure.

“Twilight!” Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy shouted out. Twilight Sparkle looked at her hooves; they were glowing with a brilliant light. Her hooves felt as if they disappeared, transfiguring into something else.

“What’s… happening to me?” She said, her eyes narrowing and directed towards Zanza.

“Alicorns have a very special connection to the magic of the world around them. They are very sensitive to its energies. I just happened to overload this entire country with that energy. All that energy is going to transform you into the first Equestrian Telethia.” He said with a sadistic grin.

“…Telethia?” Twilight Sparkle squeaked out under the pain of the transformation.

“You will no longer be your own self. As a Telethia, you will seek out others, kill them and absorb their energy for me. You will lose all feelings and emotions.” Fluttershy gasped the loudest of any of the ponies around.

“That’s… horrible! Why are you doing this?!” She uncharacteristically shouted.

“Because you are all nothing but cattle. Cattle don’t deserve to have emotions and feelings, because they were always meant to be food. Your friend here has provided me with a perfect way of bringing the cattle to the slaughter just for existing.”

I’m about to see Twilight Sparkle get transformed into a monstrous energy dragon that only cares about killing. I’m about to witness hearts broken and innocent lives slaughtered. Yet, strangely, I felt okay with this?

I heard Twilight Sparkle scream once more before her pony form turn into a lilac-colored abomination. Her coat turned into squishy dragon skin, and her body was exchanged for a hulking abomination with no face.

The Twilight Telethia turned towards her former friends, who all looked at her with pleading eyes. She unbiasedly looked upon them, raising one of its powerful legs. As her foot dropped, Applejack rushed towards it and lifted it back with her front hooves.

“Get out of here, now!” She called out to the other four ponies. Without a word, they rushed out with expressions of fear and pain on their face. Applejack faced the Twilight Telethia with pleading eyes. “Please Twilight, snap out of it! We’re your friends. This is your town. Please, don’t listen to this lunatic.”

She demanded under the strain of her voice. The Twilight Telethia didn’t respond, except she put more pressure in her foot. I looked upon Applejack’s face; I saw her mouth agape in disbelief. I saw her on the verge of tears as her magic was slowly drained into the Twilight Telethia.

“Please… just tell me why…” She squeaked out with a low tone drenched in despair. I knew she didn’t have much magic left in her system to fight back. The Twilight Telethia still continued putting pressure on her foot.

After a while, all of Applejack vanished into wisps of energy that entered within the Twilight Telethia. I, too, felt the energy enter within my possessed body. It felt glorious and had a flavor rich in apples and honesty. It was a strange combination, but delicious nonetheless. Based on Zanza’s smile, he seemed to enjoy it as well.

“This isn’t ether, but it is definitely a force like ether. Yes, this world will do just fine. After I gained enough of the magic here, I think I’ll restart this world!” He called out. A halo emerged above his head. He began to float up into the sky.

The last act I witnessed before my consciousness faded away was the Twilight Telethia rushing after her former friends. No doubt, she’s going to kill them like how she killed Applejack. If this happened to her, then it must have happened to the other Princesses as well. They’ll go around exterminating all of the creatures of the world. Who knows what other powerful beings were affected by this magic?

With the Princesses under his control, Zanza managed to be a literal god for Equestria. He has control of the entire universe now, and he’s only going to get stronger. I know he will restart the world. Equestria, if you are listening to me, I regret my actions of finding the best materials for a Zanza cosplay. I never knew that it would mean bringing your world into his sick will. I’m sorry…

My consciousness had finally faded away, with the last sight being the entire world. It was beautiful, but now that beauty belongs to me, Zanza. This world will serve as food for me to take over the entire multiverse. There’s nothing anyone can do anymore. Not even you, readers. When I gain enough power, I’ll be sure to go to where you live and absorb your energy.