> The Mind of the Dragon
>  by shpoople
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Spike! Let's go! Time to get up! Why are you still in bed?" Twilight woke up her baby dragon.

Because it's five in the morning, you skank! "Let me sleep a little longer, Twilight." Spike groaned as he pulled the blankets over his head, shielding him from Celestia's unforgiving sun.

"We have a busy day ahead of us, Spike!" Twilight announced cheerfully as she used her magic to grab a hold of Spike's comforter and yank it away from him. "There's no time to waste."

"I'm sure that whatever you have planned can wait another hour." He moaned at his rude awakening. Give me back my blanket you cunt!

"No Spike!" Twilight denied his plead. "We have to reorganize the library this morning. Get up, and I'll meet you downstairs!" With that she descended down to the first floor of the ironic tree library. 

The scaly, baby dragon reluctantly obeyed. Uno, Dos, Tres! He counted off and hoisted himself up off the basket-sized bed. One of these days Twilight, I will either turn the tables or end you. Which ever is more convenient for me. He joked in his head. Even though Twilight ordered him around and made him do things that he didn't want to, he didn't hate her. He thought of her more like an older sister then anything else. He stretched his short body, scratched an itch and begrudgingly followed Twilight down the stairs.


***


As Spike reached the bottom of the stairs he was greeted with the avalanche of all the books off the shelves onto the ground. Then he noticed the source of the fall: a purple haze surrounding the books created by Twilight. He just sighed and walked over to Twilight. "Didn't we reorganize all this like, last week?" 

"Yes, we did. But organization is the key to success. If there was no organization then everything would be in shambles." Twilight responded eagerly, already rearranging the novels on the floor of the library. 

I swear to god, you have OCD. "Are you saying that they weren't organized before you took them all off the shelves?" Spike suggested, irritated at all the work ahead of him.

"No, but you can never be sure." She answered. "What if they weren't, then whoever was trying to find the book might never find it." 

Because we get business in here all the time! He thought sarcastically to himself. "Can we at least eat first? The first thing I like to do in the morning is eat."

"Why are you set on postponing this?" She asked, half paying attention to the begging dragon.

Why are you such a bitch!? "All i'm saying is that I would be more productive if I had something to use as fuel." He returned. 

"You can eat after we're done." She told him while looking through three books simultaneously. "I'll even take you out to get some breakfast. Just help me finish this first."

He sighed in defeat. "Fine." He picked up a book and examined it. The fuck am I suppose to do with this? He asked himself. He looked over Twilight's shoulder and watched her method of organizing the books. She was doing it alphabetically and in their sub-categories, in their own categories. He watched in awe as she effortlessly kept track of each book she sent out with her mind. That helps a big shitload of nothing. He shrugged and took an educated guess, he picked a spot on the shelf to place the book. 

"Wrong!" Twilight watched him chose the wrong area for the book he had. Before he could let go of the book, she used her levitation spell to take the book from his grasp and also drag him across the floor. His claws wouldn't let him let go and he ended up crashing into the mountain of books. "That goes one slot over." 

Spike dug himself out of the pile of books that rained upon him and just stared at Twilight with a blank expression. Soon... 


***


"All right! That finishes that!" Twilight announced cheerfully as she turned around to a tattered Spike. "I believe I owe you a breakfast." 

"Yes, please." Spike agreed. I'm so hungry, I could eat a... Horse. "Where are we eating?" He asked excitedly. 

"I hear Pinkie has some delicious pie." Twilight proposed as they exited her library house.

I bet Rainbow Dash told you that. Spike snickered at the other meaning that sentence could have.

"What's so funny?" She asked while they walked to Sugarcube Corner. 

"Nothing." He replied, trying to suppress the childish laughter boiling up. 

"Howdy y'all!" A voice from behind them took his mind off it. They looked behind them and saw Applejack approaching them. "Ah finished with all mah apple buckin' for the morning and came inta town, lookin' for something to eat." 

"We were just heading over to Sugarcube Corner to get us some breakfast." Twilight told her orange farm pony friend. "Would you  care to join us?" 

"Ah would be delighted." She said as she caught up to them and they continued on their way to Pinkie Pie's house. Applejack's hoof accidentally got stuck inside a dip in the pavement and she tripped. "Buck!" She shouted as she narrowly caught herself. "Ah'm fine, So what were y'all doin' this mornin'" Applejack asked them while they casually trotted. 

"We organized the books in her- wait." Spike thought of something. If ponies shout buck when they're frustrated or angry, then it's pretty much replacing the dragon's word fuck. Applejack 'bucks' apples. Spike stopped and stared at Applejack, who halted and looked back at Spike with Twilight by her side. "Hey, Applejack?" Spike asked.

"Yeah?" She asked cautiously, Twilight and her didn't know what he was thinking. 

"So you 'buck' apples?" He continued. 

"Uh... Yeah..." She replied.

"When the apples fall, they can't grow anymore can they? They just slowly decay?" He added. 

"Um... Yeah..." She answered.

"Do you feel good after you 'buck' them?" He question with a completely serious face. "Or are the apples just 'bucked'?"

"Ah feel pretty good after I buck 'em. Gives me a feel of accomplishment." She said proudly.

"I knew it." Spike stated flatly and continued on his way to Pinkie Pie's house. Applejack and Twilight exchanged a look, shrugged, and followed after him.


***


"Is she home?" Twilight wondered while they entered Sugarcube Corner. The three of them were greeted by not friendly faces of the owners, but by the enchanting scents that were beckoning from the kitchen in the back of the store. They approached the counter to make an order, but for some unknown reason, no-pony was in there except for them. "Hello?" Twilight called. 

Spike looked around the room for any signs of anyone else, when his vision was filled with a bright, shining, pink face. Oh SHIT! He jumped back, started, and slammed into the wall. "Pinkie, you scared me." Spike whined. 

"Silly Spike!" Pinkie teased playfully. Then her face melted down into pure seriousness as she bent down to his level. "There ain't no brakes." She whispered to him, coldly, with no expression other then terror inducing blankness.

"W-WHAT!?" He cried. Sweet Jesus! I think I just shat myself! Pinkie Pie never broke eye contact while he was up against the wall, sweating from fear.

"Oh there you are Pinkie!" Twilight observed behind her. "I was wondering where you were!" 

"Hi!" She flipped the switch back into happy, playful Pinkie. "Did you guys come for some tasty treats?"

"We sure did!" Applejack confirmed. She noticed Spike still against the wall, panting and sweating profusely. "What's wrong Spike? It looks like ya just saw a ghost."

"It was-" He stopped his sentence half-way when he saw Pinkie Pie giving him the dead eye from across the counter. "-nothing. It was nothing." Spike muttered. She's either going to rape me or kill me, not sure which one is worse. Has she always been like this!?


***


The three had just sat down at a table to wait on Pinkie Pie in the kitchen, when she suddenly seem to appear between them with a plate of cupcakes on the table. "I'm back! Hope you didn't wait that long!" She said, excitedly. 

"Pinkie, we literally didn't even get a chance to wait." Twilight told her with a smile. "I will never understand how you do that." 

"Neither will I." Applejack agreed, while she grabbed a cupcake off the tray. "But ah won't ever complain about it neither." She took a bite out of the sugary sweet and almost collapsed from the wave of pleasure on her taste-buds.

Spike cautiously watched Pinkie Pie while he slowly reached for a cupcake. Please don't stab me. Please don't stab me. Please don't stab me. He begged in his mind. She returned his gaze with a friendly grin. Once his fingers got a hold of a cupcake he quickly brought it into his space. Still watching Pinkie to make sure she doesn't do anything, he stuffed half of it into his mouth and almost cried. This cupcake is orgasmic. I don't care if she rapes me anymore, as long as I get to eat these while she does it! He chuckled to himself as the divine taste of cake and frosting made a baby of flavor in his mouth.

"Pinkie Pie, these are the best cupcakes ah have ever eaten!" Applejack praised her. 

"Thanks!" She replied, then jumped. "Oh! I forgot something!" She ducked under the table. The three of them looked under it to see what she could have possibly forgotten under the table, but she wasn't there anymore.

That meth-head can make a cupcake, I'll give her that! "Where'd she go?" Spike asked the other two, who just shrugged. 

"She's so random." Twilight rubbed her temples trying to make sense of her ways.


***


Pinkie Pie never came back to the table with whatever she had forgotten, so they just left the money on the table and left. The three were walking down the main road of the town again. "Next we have to go see Rarity for whatever she needs help on." Spike's eyes lit up with the thought of Rarity.

"Well, ah should probably head back to the farm and see if there's any more work that needs to be done." Applejack started in the other direction. "See ya later, Twi and Spike!" 

"Bye Applejack!" Spike called from Twilight's back. I wonder if I could sell Applejack on Ebay... Would that work? I guess I'll find out... He smiled deviously as he stared off into the distance. 

"What are you thinking about?" Twilight asked with a grin. 

Spike was ripped out of his thoughts. "Oh, what? Nothing." He replied. "By the way, what does Rarity want?" He asked, hopefully. 

"She was actually asking for you." Twilight replied. Spike shot off her back and was now at full attention. "I think she might have made you something in her boutique." Spike then picked up his pace and hurried to Rarity's home.


***


The white unicorn opened her door to see who was knocking on her door. Her perfectly styled mane and stunning irises made Spike shake with excitement. Damn, girl! You lookin' fine as hell today! Is what he thought, but he could only stammer out a "Hi Rarity." 

"It's so good to see you darling! I'v been experimenting with somethings that I'll just have to try." She looked around for her other friend. "Where is Twilight?" 

"She's back there, she'll catch up soon." He informed her.

"Alright then, come with me darling. I'll get it ready for you." She motioned for him to follow her into her store. Spike couldn't help watching her lead, swaying with her graceful stride. one of these days... I'ma tap dat ass! Spike thought to himself as Rarity led him into her main work-space. Once inside he noticed a familiar light blue pegasus looking extremely board and uncomfortable in a high class dress. "Rainbow Dash here was helping me get the measurements right with a new dress." She smiled with appreciation. Rainbow just grunted in reply. 

"Rarity? Are you here?" Twilight called from the front door.

"Oh, Twilight! I need your opinion on something in the kitchen!" She shouted back while she darted out of the room. "And Rainbow, please be a dear and try not to move much."

Spike kicked the door closed behind her and walked over to Rainbow. They both gave a half-lid expression until they heard the other two ponies below them. "Dude!" They both greeted each other, almost like college frat-boys, with grins and a bro-hoof.

"What's going on Rain-bro?" He jokingly punched her. "What has she done to you?" He asked her, examining her dress and all of her classy things to go along with it. She even smelled of fine perfume.

"I don't want to talk about it." She sighed. "Your girl has me in this getup for some dumb-ass ball she has to make dresses for. Dude, after I escape from here, you want to hang later?" She asked him.

"I can't Twilight has me doin' a bunch of crap for her today." He muttered, gloomy.

"Alright, after you're done being Twilight's little bitch-boy, come hit me up." She cackled. "Why are you here anyway?"

"Rarity said that she had something she needed to try out." Spike replied. 

"Oooh, is Spike gonna get some?" Rainbow Dash teased. "You should convince her to let me go."

"You know, I think that  you like it, lesbo." She returned with a glare. "I can do a lot of things with your name." Spike snickered.

Rainbow Dash just shrugged. "Rarity does have a nice flank, for a unicorn." She admitted.

"Easy there, lesbo." Spike warned with narrowed eyes. "Don't you be movin' in on my territory." 

"No worries, buddy!" She assured with a beaming smile. "That's not my game! You go ahead and do your thang!"

"Thanks buddy." They bro-hoofed again to show that it was all good.

"I'll wait at Pinkie's till you're done with Twi." Rainbow Dash told him. "I'm gettin' some grub after this."

Spike remembered what happened that morning with Pinkie Pie in her house and shivered. "You watch your ass with her, Dash." Spike warned his rainbow-haired friend. "She scares the shit outa me."

Rainbow just laughed. "You're scared of Pinkie?" Her face was turning red with the thought of anyone being afraid of the pink mare. "How is she scary? At all?"

"This morning with pinned me up against a wall while the others weren't looking and got a whole rape, murder face going." Spike explained, sweating with the fear from reliving it. "I think she's different from what she seems like."

"I'll see about that." Rainbow scoffed, skeptically. 

Twilight and Rarity came in that moment with a box in Twilight's force, mind grip. "Hi darlings, we're back with some things. What were you two talking about?" Rarity asked, curious of what the baby dragons and the speedy pegasus could talk about.

Bitches and hoes. "The..." He looked around the room for a subject but then landed on Rainbow. "... Wonder-bolts." He casually answered, Rainbow nodding her head in agreement.

"Ah, so the usual." Twilight chuckled towards Rainbow, who didn't think much of the comment. 

"Spike, darling, can you stand over here so I can get you in this?" Rarity requested, motioning to a platform beside her and the box Twilight set beside her. Spike complied and climbed onto the short platform and stood straight up, letting her get a good shot. Rarity's horn developed a light blue haze, that crossed over and enveloped Spike. A nice suit appeared to spawn on him. The business-like suit was one that would cost thousands on dollars, it was all black with a white under shirt and a green and purple striped tie to match his scales. He saw himself in the mirror across from him and admired it. SWAG! He looked around the room for the two things that would make it even better. He found them on a counter and put on a fedora and a pair of aviators that were conveniently together. He then turned back the the group.

"I look good." He stated, spinning in place and admiring the suit more in the mirror.

Rainbow just gaped at the unjust division of clothing. "Why can't I get something like that!?" She cried. 

"Because it's not meant for mares." Twilight giggled. "Spike, I don't think that hat and sunglasses work on you." She commented. 

Bitch please, i'm fabulous. Spike ignored her and continued to look into the mirror. "Whatever!" He disagreed. "This looks amazing, Rarity." 

"Thank you darling." She replied. "Since you're here as my living mannequin, you feel to keep it, i'v gotten the idea of what I need to make now." Spike's eyes lit up.

"I can keep this?" He asked. His eyes were full of hope that she wasn't joking.

"Sure." She answered with a shrug, it wasn't that big of a deal for her. She still gave him a smile for heartwarming excitement. 

"Maybe he could wear it while you two go to eat somewhere." Rainbow Dash suggested, giving a subtle wink to Spike. Love you Rain-bro, you crazy wing-mare. 

"Oh, I could show you off at that new restaurant that's opening tomorrow night!" Rarity squealed at chance to showcase her new line of clothing. "How about it Spike? Would you care to dine with me tomorrow?" 

I could die of a heart attack right now, and be OK with it. "Sure Rarity! I would be honored to go with you!" Spike said, contently. He looked over to a smirking Rainbow, who tapped her chest and pointed to Spike saying that she has his back. Spike returned with the same gesture, which Rarity didn't notice, but Twilight did. 

"Okay Rarity... Me and Spike still have some things to do today. Do you need anything else?" Twilight asked, watching Spike and Rainbow.

Rarity snapped out of her daze of thoughts. "Wha- Oh- no!" She stuttered. "That was all I needed darling, thank you." As they exited Spike gave Rainbow a subtle bro-hoof. "See you tomorrow, Spike!" Rarity called out the door.

"Hey, Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Yes, Twilight?" Spike returned. 

"What was that in the boutique?" She questioned. "And that thing when we left. It seems like you tried to sneak something." 

It was nothing, Twilight. "That crazy mare just got me a date with that fine piece of ass!" He said out loud.

Twilight stopped and looked at him with shock. "What was that Spike?"

He stopped and looked back to see what her problem was and then he realized that he said that out loud.

"Well, buck." Spike sighed.
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"I said that crazy mare hooked me up with a fine piece of bass." Spike quickly blurted out. "Yesterday when we went fishing." He gave a beaming smile to try to sell it. "It was one of the most delicious fish I had ever eaten. Why? What do you think I said?" 

Twilight eyed him doubtfully, not sure if he was telling the truth or not. "It sounded like you said..." She thought about it and shook her head and decided it was her imagination. "Nothing." Lies, for the win! "You and Rainbow went fishing yesterday?" She asked curiously while they continued to walk. "I wasn't aware that you two were such close friends."

Spike has been in many situations like this one, he was already prepared for it. "Rainbow was teaching me how to fish." He said while never making eye contact, he just kept on walking as if nothing was going on. "Sometimes I get tired of your pony food, I like a little variety in my diet." He told her, which actually wasn't a lie. Can't expect a dragon to eat a bunch of shitty leafs and expect him to be fine with it.

"Some of the ponies around here wouldn't like you eating fish, though." Twilight cautioned, thinking of their herbivorous society. "They might think of it as immoral and wrong." 

"I don't think that it's that big of a deal." Spike waved her words away. I don't care at all if they get all butt-hurt over what I eat. "It's not like they have to watch me eat it."

"To be honest, i'm a little on the fence about it too." Twilight admitted. "Fish can still feel pain. I'm surprised that Rainbow Dash eats fish too." Her face displayed that she was thinking about talking to her about it.

"She just showed me how, she didn't eat any. Rainbow always throws them back." Spike covered for his friend. And the fish don't feel pain... Anymore. Spike snickered. "By the way, where are we going?" Spike asked, following the purple unicorn.

"We have to stop by Fluttershy's house to help her with her animals." Twilight revealed to him.

Spike grunted with the thought of doing labor. I'm not going to get another bitchin' suit at yellow quite's house! 


***


They reached the cottage and knocked on the door to let Fluttershy know that they had arrived. The door opened to show a flustered Fluttershy. Her mane was frazzled and she looked like she had been plugging holes all day by they way she was looking back into her house. "Oh, wonderful, you brought Spike with you!" She said happily. Just because i'm a dragon doesn't mean I can kill whatever beat the shit outa you!

"Fluttershy, are you alright?" Twilight asked the panting pegasus. "You look... Tired."

"I'm sorry, I'v only slept for about thirty minuets." Fluttershy said hurriedly. "Can you two please come in, I need some your help with something in the back, Twilight."

As they walked into her home they didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. They were expecting her house to be in critical state from the way she was acting, but everything was where it should be. There weren't any upturned furniture or pictures falling and crashing on the floor. The hell's her prob- Spike's train of thought was interrupted by a loud crash coming from the back of her cottage. "What was that!?" Spike wailed as he ducked for cover.

"Twilight, I could use your help now, please." Fluttershy begged.

"Of course." Twilight replied. 

As they ran to the sound of the crash Fluttershy stopped and turned to Spike. "While we're dealing with this, can you just watch Angel for me, please?" She requested. Spike looked around and noticed the bunny was sitting quietly in a chair, glaring at him.

"Sure, no problem." He accepted. "Good luck with whatever's back there..." He leaned over to try and see what happened, but it was dark and still nothing out of the ordinary was out the door she exited by. He approached the glaring bunny and returned his gaze with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Hello, 'Angel'." 

"Nice suit." The bunny said in a deep booming voice. Spike looked sown and noticed that he never took it off. "Does it come in hetero?" 

"Please, you jelly." The baby dragon returned while spinning in place so that the the bunny could get a full view. "I'm the definition of swag."

"Last time I checked, swag didn't mean a gay little lizard." The bunny cackled.

"Now that I think about it, what's stopping me from telling Fluttershy that you talk?" Spike implied. "I'm sure she would find that interesting." 

"Well, first off, you have no proof. They wouldn't believe you at all." Angel informed him. "Second, I wouldn't care anyway. She does whatever I want. She tried to make me a salad, and I was all like 'Bitch! You get your ass in there and make me a sunday!'"

"I don't understand how you do that to her." Spike shook his head with disgust. "I feel so bad for her, she's so... Shy."

"Oh really!?" He shouted sarcastically. "Fluttershy is shy? No shit, Sherlock! Who the hell would have thought of that possibility? If it makes you feel any better, I bitch-slapped her with the book when I made her make it."

"You're aware that I can kick your ass, right?" Spike warned. 

"Meh, it would be a close fight." Angel shrugged. "Still, if they came in when we were fighting, all they would see is a dumb-ass dragon beating up a cute, little bunny. Even though you would be fighting for her, she would still hate you." 

"You bastard." Spike hissed. "Why is your voice so deep anyway?"

"It's not that deep." Angel said, defensively. 

"You sound like a damn whale." Spike stated.

"Maybe it's because of my huge-ass balls!" Angel jumped to his feet on the chair and performed a vulgar thrust.

"Sir, your tic-tac is showing." Spike remarked while averting his eyes. "No wonder why your suck a dick all the time."

He dropped back into the chair, covering himself. "It's cold in here." He claimed.

"Sure." Spike said skeptically. "When she finds out that you can talk, and you actually talk to her and show her what you really think. She's going to rage on you." 

"That's never going to happen." He told him. "I'v seen her on her rage mode, I'm not ashamed at all to admit to pissing myself. She's a fucking demon!" He started to shiver from the memory.

"Is it really that bad?" Spike asked, chuckling at the sudden change of behavior.

"You really have no idea..." Angel trailed off with a horrified look in his eyes. "I don't like you, but i'm warning you. Don't piss her off, don't poke that bear."

"I don't see it." Spike smirked, thinking of the timid pony.

"You don't want to see it." Angel emphasized. "Sometimes I think that she has me and all my buddies here for some sick ritual for SATAN!"

"Then why do you keep treating her like your bitch?" Spike wondered, seeing him so frightened.

"It takes a lot for her to get to that point, though." He explained with a regained smirk. "Beating up her pet bunny would get her pretty close. and mainly because she is my bitch."

Just then the back door swung open and the two mares came back into the room. It looked like Twilight had her hooves full with whatever happened. Fluttershy had a expression that displayed her relief of the situation. "All done. Ready to go Spike?" Twilight said eagerly, she obviously wanted to return home after whatever happened. "Anything interesting happen while we were out?" 

"Nope." Spike replied. "It was same as usual." Spike shot a look to the bunny that seem to be named Angel for the irony.

"Thank you so much for helping me with that, Twilight." Fluttershy thanked her friend. "It would have been a lot worse if it wasn't for you."

"No problem!" Twilight said back.

Angel hopped off the chair and casually walked over to Spike. He walked behind him and got extremely close to whisper in his ear. "You can't touch me." He taunted before he used Spike's head as a launch pad and hopped away. Spike's head was throbbing with the force of Angel's tiny legs. 

"Angel, that's naughty!" Fluttershy attempted to scold him.

"Son of a bitch..." Spike muttered under his breath while he picked up his hat that was knocked off. You need to whip that asshole with a rake! "Yeah... I'm ready to leave." Spike turned to Twilight.


***


"Is that it?" Spike asked hopefully as they walked away from Fluttershy's cottage. "Can we go home?" 

"Yes." Twilight answered. "I still have some things to do around the house, but yeah, we can head home."

Thank you, Jesus! "Cool." 

"Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Yes?..." Spike responded carefully, knowing that it's never good when she talks in that tone.

"I know about your feelings for Rarity, and I don't want you to get hurt tomorrow if things don't go the way you're planning them to." Twilight said to her friend. "I don't think Rarity is thinking about it the same way you are."

"I know she isn't." Spike returned. "But we're going to be there the entire night probably. I'll have time to change her mind into my way of thinking." Spike said with a confident grin. Spike's got moves dat no-pony can resist. He thought as he fixed the fedora on his head into a better place.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck." Twilight offered.

"Thanks." Spike said to his sister.

"Hey you guys!" Twilight and Spike turned around to see Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie behind them, ruining the moment. "What are you guys up to?" Rainbow asked casually, gazing at Spike, obviously jealous of his pimp suit. Spike looked over to Pinkie Pie, who seemed to be normal still. Maybe it was in my head or something...

"We just came from Fluttershy's." Twilight told them. "I wish you were there, Rainbow. We really could have used your help with her- Is that Rose?" She stopped her sentence when she saw a friend.

Rainbow Apparently knew her too. "She's back from her trip?" She asked in excitement while they left Pinkie and Spike to go greet their friend.

"Hi Spiky-Wikey!" Pinkie said, as her usual cheerful self. 

"Hi Pinkie." Spike let the incident from the morning slip away from his mind, deciding it was nothing. 

"My Pinkie-sense is actin' up!" She announced as she scratched her belly. "My tummy's is a itchin'! You know what that means, don't you?" She asked with a beaming smile.

"No," Spike replied, "what does it mean?"

"IT MEANS YOUR FUCKED!" She hissed and glared poison into Spike's panicking soul. NO JESUS, NO! Take this demon spawn away from me, please! Spike was frozen with fear again. He was afraid if he made any movement, that's when she would strike him down.

"Oh, okay, sorry about that. I guess she's coming back next week!" Rainbow Apologized while chuckling at mistaking her for someone else they knew. "That wasn't her." She told them.

"Okaly-Dokaly!" Pinkie was snapped back into cheery, non-phycotic Pinkie. "I got to finish something back at the corner. Byesies!" Shy merrily skipped away. Spike was still in the same place, eyes wider then dinner plates, with sweat streaming down his face. I fucking hate you Pinkie, so damn much. Before she was out to sight, she turned back to Spike with eyes of fire, mouthing "Make peace with the dead, for you shall be joining them soon..." Rainbow and Twilight were looking at the terrified dragon with concerned looks.

"Are you alright Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Wha- Y-yea I'm fine." Spike sighed with relief that the insane pony had left. "I'm going to live, i'm going to live another day. So what's going on?"

"We were walking home." Twilight giggled. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem... out of it."

"He's fine." Rainbow Shot her concerns down. "My house is the same way as yours so I can walk with you guys."

Twilight remembered what she was talking to Spike about. "So you and Spike went fishing yesterday?" Twilight asked the blue pegasus. Rainbow stopped and looked back to her with confusion in her eyes. Shit, I got you buddy. Rainbow was not as adept as Spike was at making up lies on the spot. He pivoted around to behind Twilight and nodded his head to Rainbow. 

"Yes..." Rainbow went with what Spike directed. "I needed help with-" She stopped when she saw spike wave his hands and shook his head. He pointed to her then to him motioning out that she helped him in this ruse. "-I mean I helped him get new fishing poles-" Spike motioned out that she taught him how to catch his first fish by mouthing first and pretending to cast out a line and reel in a imaginary fish, that he flipped out on. "-I mean I helped him catch his first fish yesterday." She said proudly. Spike gave a thumbs up from behind Twilight, who turned around to see what he was doing behind her. Spike stopped before she saw him and gave a blank expression with a shrug to sell it. The moment she tuned back around, he tried to contain his laughter and gave Rainbow another thumbs up.

"I see..." Twilight said doubtfully. "Spike asked you to help him?"

Rainbow looked over Twilight's shoulder to Spike. He pointed to her, then to him and waved his hands. "Yea, we don't normally hang out, but he wanted me to show him." 

"And where did you learn to fish?" She asked.

Spike acted out a impression of Fluttershy and then pretended to feed a bunch of make-believe animals in front of him. "Fluttershy taught me how. She showed me how so that I could help her get food for her animals."

Twilight seemed to be satisfied with the response. "It's getting late, we should probably head home again."

"Alright, see you guys." Rainbow decided to flee. She spread her wings and flew past her but low enough to give Spike a bro-hoof on the successful lie. She knew that it was best if she asked Spike later what it was about.

"I guess she had somewhere to be..." Spike told her, trying to seem as innocent as possible.

"Yeah..." She narrowed her eyes. Twilight knew that something was wrong.


***


Spike was drawn to the balcony by a tapping noise about two hours later. "Spike! Get your scaly dick out here!" It was Rainbow.

"Sup, Rain-bro, Twi is in the shower." Spike stepped out onto the balcony. "What do you want?"

"Why the hell was Twilight grilling me about fishing?" She asked. "I don't even know how to cast a damn line!"

"Oh, that. I said ass in front of her and to cover I had to make up a story about how you and I caught a bass." He smirked.

"Nice." She murmured. "I don't know how you think of that crap so damn fast." 

"You might be faster and stronger then me, but i'm hella smarter then you." Spike chuckled. 

"Oh really?" She snickered at the truth. "Then maybe I shouldn't give you this." She had a small box in her wing that she flipped over and extended out and handed to him. "Who needs fingers when I can do everything with one wing." 

The baby dragon examined the box. "What is it?" 

"Dumb-ass, it's a box. You open it." She laughed. He opened it and a yellow glow shot in his face from a shine of a necklace inside. It was gold with incredibly detailed artwork all around it. In the center of it was a glistening sapphire stone that would most likely blind everyone in the room if shot with a lazer pointer. Spike just stared at it in awe and shock from Rainbow. "Give it to Rarity tomorrow. She'll most probably faint from the sparkles."

"Your just going to give me this, just for a shot with rarity?" Spike was amazed at his friend. "This couldn't have been cheap."

"You could use the help." She remarked, Spike didn't care though. She could call him anything she wanted for this incredible gift that she gave him. "I was going to give that to her for her birthday or something."

"Jesus, Rainbow. Thank you." Spike came closer to her. "Bring it in for a bro-hug, you crazy pony." He wrapped his arms around her in appreciation. She used a wing to embrace him. "I'll find a way to repay you for this." They broke the hug.

"Don't worry about it. Do me proud, and get some tail." She turned around to take off but then she stopped. "Why'd you take off your suit?" She asked, curiously. 

"When you and Twilight left me alone with Pinkie she went all rape mode again and I pissed myself!" He informed her. Rainbow burst out into laughter and was unable to fly away for a good ten minuets. 

"Don't worry about paying me back, you just did." Rainbow chuckled as she started to fly off. 

"Rainbow." He stopped her, she looked back while in the air. "Thanks." 

Sorry if this isn't as good as the first, I wasn't planning on more. I have been thinking about what's next though.
I'm on the fence myself and need an opinion. Do you all want this to become a romance thing? Spike wins Rarity in the next chapter and blah blah blah. Or does he switch his focus onto Dash? For that I have lots of ...ideas... On what to do with that. Or just say fuck it all and no romances? Leave your votes in the comments.
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Hey, Spike?" Twilight asked as she walked into the kitchen while he was eating a hardy breakfast of cereal.

"Wha?" Spike mumbled with his mouth full of food. I don't feel like dealing with your shit this early...

"I was washing your suit last night," She hedged. "and it smelled as if... You urinated yourself?"

The fuck are you sniffing the crotch of my suit anyway? "Dragon sweat." He lied, avoiding eye contact by focusing on his bowl.

"But, it really smells of urine." She continued. "It's only in the one area too. Did you have an accident?"

I almost got raped and or murdered by a psychopath, let's see how you take that. "Dragon. Sweat." He maintained while shoveling more food into his mouth.

"I don't think dragons sweat like that, though." Twilight said skeptically. 

"How many dragons do you know?" Spike returned quickly. 

"Good point." She admitted. She walked over and sat across from him. "I feel like sometimes you hold back things that your thinking about."

Fuck yea! "What makes you think that?" He asked casually. "When have I ever held back my thoughts when I didn't like something?"

"You're right, you do make it obvious to everypony when you don't want to be somewhere." She reluctantly dropped the subject before bringing up another. "Are you excited about tonight with Rarity?" 

Let me eat my damn cereal! "Yeah, I'v got things... planned." He trailed off, thinking over his game plan for the night. "It's going to be a good night!" 

"I just don't want you to get hurt if things don't go as you want them to." Twilight cautioned. "You usually don't think right when you're around her."

"Thanks for believing in me, but I'v taken that into consideration and found a way to deal with it." Spike replied confidently. 

"What's that?" She asked, curiously. 

Expect some things to be missing from your lab... "Mind techniques." He told her. Quite a few things. "Don't worry about it Twilight, It's going to be a good night."

"Alright..." Twilight was still worried about her scaly friend. "Try not to sweat." She remarked. You bitch!


***


I am the element of pure sexiness. Spike thought to himself as he looked into the mirror. He was suited up and ready to meet up with Rarity. He had his sleek, black suit on with his tie to match his scales. He looked as if he was about to go out and smack some hoes around and then attend a business meeting. "Hold up, I'm missing something." Twilight was behind him. He grabbed his fedora and placed it carefully on his head. Then slipped the aviators on to shield his eyes from anything. Swag has been restored! "This suit has made me love Rarity twice as much as before."

"I still don't think that hat and glasses work on you." Twilight disapproved. 

"Thanks for the opinion." Spike denied her judgement. "I got to go start things." He started for the door.

"Good luck." Twilight encouraged. 

"Don't need it." He smirked as he pivoted out the door. Once outside, he took three vials out his pocket that he made and stashed without Twilight finding out. He popped the first one open, that was previously sealed with a cork, and downed it like a shot of whiskey. Not bad... I might have to make more of it. I'll call it... Redbull. He tossed the empty vial to the side and continued on. The other two were not for his consumption. Rainbow's gift was secure in his jacket pocket, he just needed too find the perfect time to present it.

On his way to Rarity's house he had to make a quick stop. "Snips! Snails! Get over here you two little retards!" He called them over. The two young, dull ponies exchanged a look of confusion, but complied and walked over to him.

"What's retard mean?" Snails asked innocently.

He sighed with hearing their annoying, nasally voices."It means you like pudding." Spike lied with the expression that displayed his contempt for them. They were too young to notice.

"Oh yeah! Then we're full blown retards!" Snips agreed cheerfully. 

"Yes. Yes you are." He smirked at his work, then carried on with what he intended to do. "How would you two bright lads like to earn five bits, each?" Spike proposed.

Their eyes lit up. "Sure! We'll do anything for that much money!" Snails accepted, jumping up and down with excitement. 

"That's like-" Snips paused for a minuet to do the math. "-That's like ten bits in total!" He joined his friend in jumping up and down. This is why I don't feel guilty at all for doing this.

"Alright, so here's what I need." Spike started, they stopped immediately and focused on him. "I'm going on a date and I need to impress her. So here's what's going to happen." He pulled the other two vials out of his pocket. "These will make you two look like big, strong stallions for the night." He waved it in front of their faces like it was a dog treat. "And when we come out of that new restaurant, you two will just pretend to mug us. You'll tell us to give you all our money, but then I'll pretend to fight you off. Get what I'm saying?" Spike explained. 

"Drink vials, then pretend to attack you?" Snips made sure he had it all down.

"Yes." Spike confirmed. "Make sure it's convincing, though. Say something along the lines of :Give us all your fucking money."

"What's fuck mean?" Snails asked. 

Spike slapped his face with frustration from hearing their voices. "It's when you tickle someone."

They let out a 'ohhhh' with false understanding, then grinned to each other. "I fuck him all the time!" Snails said happily. 

"I bet you do." Spike snickered, they looked confused as to why he was laughing, but they just shrugged passed it. "So you got what you're to do?" 

"Yep!" They said in unison. I'm about to stab them just so I never have to hear their voices. He handed them the vials and they quickly drank every drop. Facial hair sprouted and their skin became considerably discolored and darker while growing another four feet. "Awesome!" They looked at each other in awe.

"Good." Spike said in approval. "Now just wait until we come out." He handed them a small pouch that jingled when they took it. They started to bounce up and down again as Spike walked away. That will be extremely fun when it come up.


***


Spike could feel the concoction that he drank flowing through his system as he knocked on Rarity's door. Damn, that stuff is starting kick in! Rarity opened the door to reveal a stunning dress to match his back suit. It draped perfectly over certain parts of her body and left all the right parts exposed. "How do I look?" Rarity asked, knowing what his answer was already going to be.

"You look amazing, Rarity." Spike complimented her. "I'v never seen anything as beautiful as you are now."

"I know, darling. You look handsome, yourself!" Damn straight.She admired her work. "I'm talented. Let's go, we can't be tardy." Spike followed her away from her house, but stayed only a step behind to get a better view. Girl, dat flank!


***


They arrived at the new restaurant a few minuets later. It was high class and as fancy as Spike thought it would be. The matradee recognized Rarity instantly. "Ah, miss Rarity, we have your table ready for you." He showed them to their table with the menus already in position and then quickly left back to his post. Everything in the building seemed expensive, there wasn't a single imperfection in anything.

"Oh, great." Rarity whined. "They didn't light the candles." Spike grinned. "Next time they come around I'll ask for them to-" She was interrupted by the tips of the candles erupting in quiet flames. She looked over to Spike, who blew a subtle fire from his mouth. "That was astonishing, Spike." She was intrigued at his ability to summon fire from his mouth.

"Breathing fire is mundane to me, I would give it up just to spend this night with you." Spike said to her. She was starting to develop a blush. Everything's going good so far. Rarity, you are gonna be my bitch soon. He patted the surprise in his jacket pocket.

She tried to hide her red face by looking away, that's when she saw people she knew. She turned back around. "Spike, com'on, let's go show you off in your new suit." She slid out of her chair and Spike hopped out of his and followed her.


***
 

He didn't know any of the ponies that she was talking to, but it didn't seem like it was going to be a problem. "-and this is my newest creation." She took a step back and brought Spike in front of her. He wasn't paying any attention until then. He realized it was time so he struck a pose by leaning back with his feet forward, looking off into the distance with a blank expression and having a hand on his hip, displaying his jet-black suit. Swag levels are dangerously high. Cation: Random mares might try to suck your dick. He kept his laughter from going anywhere and just posed so that the five ponies could get a good look.

They scratched their chins, thinking of their opinions. "I like it." One mare said. "I'll would like to purchase it for my store." Oh, so they're fashion sellers or whatever the hell it's called.

"incontestably."

"I concur."

"Indeed."

"Indubitably."

Spike was trying his hardest not to burst out into laughter over the hilarity of their words. I want to record them and make them my ringtone... "Wonderful." Rarity said calmly. "I shall be in touch with you all soon." The two walked away, back to their table. The moment they were out of sight she jumped up into the air with excitement. Spike assumed that she just got a deal. "Oh Spike, thank you so much for this! I will make sure that you are rewarded for this!"

"I don't deserve a reward." He stopped her. "You made this beautiful thing on me right now, and you convinced them to buy it. I didn't do anything, it was all you." This caused another blush to appear on her face. Then another pony trotted over to our table, she seemed different from the others. The others looked fancy and a little snooty, but they were nice people while they were over there. The mare approaching them had a dollar sign as a cutie-mark and always tilted her head up so that she could look down on people. She stopped at the end of our table and rolled her eyes at Spike and smirked over to Rarity. "Hello, Ruby." Rarity scowled in disgust for the ruby-red pony.

"Hello, Rarity. Since when have you become homeless? I would assume so with the rags you're wearing." She scoffed. "And who is this? Your pet lizard in bandages?" Uh-oh, My bitch detector is going crazy!Spike just glared, he looked over and saw that it hurt Rarity more then she was willing to show. A flare of rage ignited in Spike.

"Hey, slut." Spike stood up on his chair to tell her. "Seeing your mark is a dollar sign I assume that your 'special talent' is fucking every male that rings the door bell." She couldn't even comprehend what he just said to her. Obviously no one ever told her anything that she didn't want to hear.

"Excuse me?" She demanded.

"You heard me bitch!" Spike continued with rage. "I would assume so with those ears! Maybe you hit that thing you call head on the headboard of your bed so much that it destroyed what little brain cells you had. I assume that your voice sounds like a banshee raping a horn because you choked on a little too much semen. Do I keep having to make more examples of how your a whore or can you just walk away and let us order our food please!" With that he sat back down and picked up his menu like nothing happened. "And don't you ever insult my swag suit again." 

Ruby looked like she was about to say something but then started to tear up and walked away with her head hanging. Spike memorized his order and set his menu down to see Rarity, who was gaping at what just happened. "Spike, that was beautiful." Rarity approved with a devious grin. She leaned over to catch another glimpse of the skank that got knocked the fuck off her thrown. I definitely have to make more Redbull. Makes me feel so much more... confident then I was before.

"Thanks. She insulted you so I wasn't going to let her walk away without her crying." Spike told her. "That bitch deserved it for mocking you."

Her blush returned. "Thank you, Spike." She said to him. "That speech was pretty mature for a baby dragon, though. I'v never heard you talk like that before." 

"Dragons age differently from ponies, you know." Spike informed her. "We live longer so it takes a while for our bodies to catch up with our minds. I'm actually around your age, give or take a year." She paused and got lost in her thoughts about that. Her blush deepened as she thought things out. Spike grinned and picked up his menu again. All according to plan...


***


They finished their meal, Spike payed for the dinner like a gentleman and they exited the restaurant. Hundred dollars for a fucking slice of salmon! I just got robbed! "So Spike." Rarity started.

"What?" Spike returned. 

"When I got up and went to the mare's room, did I see you watch at my flank?" She questioned with a smirk, predicting that he would spill all over the place and turn into an embarrassed mess.

"I was." He replied casually. She stopped and looked at him with a crimson face. "You have a stunning body." I'm loving this Redbull so much.

"T-Thank you." Rarity stuttered. He turned the tables on her. She was the embarrassed one now. "Your so much different then you normally are." She told him. 

"Nah, i'm the same as I normally am. This is the first time we've spent time alone together." Spike stated as he noticed two stallions approaching them from his peripheral vision. Time for some fun.

"Give us your fucking money!" Snips said in a voice that didn't resemble him at all. Rarity gasped and cowered inn fear on the ground. Spike quickly leaped over and grabbed a shovel off the ground and instantly struck Snips against the side of his head. He fell like a bag of rocks with down-syndrome. Before Snails could say anything in protest Spike struck him also. The two were unconscious on the ground in front of the dragon. 

"Are you okay?" Spike asked his date.

She looked up to see the two on the ground and Spike throwing away a shovel. "Spike, you did this?"

"Yeah, you didn't see it?" Fuck!

She slowly got up and stared at the baby dragon. "This has been one of the most glorious nights I have ever had. I was expecting a night like this from prince Blueblood. Fighting my battles, flattering compliments, and acts of bravery, but he never did anything like this. You did, though. I never thought of you treating me to a night like this." She told him. 

"Brace yourself, because it's about to get better." Spike smirked. He pulled Rainbow's present out from his jacket pocket and pulled off the top and presented it to Rarity on a knee. He could see it's shine in her eyes. Oh, your soooo my bitch now.

"Is- Is that real?" Rarity asked, gaping at the beauty of the gold necklace with a sapphire center. 

"You know it is." He said as he took it out of the box carefully. Rarity tilted her head up so that he could put it on her. He pulled away and saw her staring at it. She obviously loved it.

"Spike, this is so beautiful- I can't use words to express my gratitude enough." Her eyes started to tear up.

"It's no big-" He was cut off by her bracing him. He could smell the perfume she always used. She pulled away a little and looked into Spike's eyes. She blushed furiously and then went in to press her lips against his. Then quickly breaking it and tearing up some more, she started to run away. 

"I'm sorry, Spike. I have to think some things out." She shouted as she ran away. Spike Just grinned watched her go.

"I love it when things work out as planned." He said to himself as he strolled away. "I need a bad-ass walking cane, the only thing I need to complete this."


***


When Spike left, he didn't return home. Instead, he decided to visit Rainbow. "Yo! Rain-bro!" He called up to her home in the clouds. 

Her head popped out of the side moments later. "Hey buddy what do ya want?" She shouted back. 

"I brought the good stuff!" He waved a bottle of alcohol in his hand.

"Aw hell yea!" She descended with her wings to pick up her friend. Once she landed by him she knelt down so that he could board. "S'co! Climb on, ya midget!" 

Spike complied and straddled her back while she raised them up to her home. Once at the top he hopped off onto the cloud. "I don't like riding you." He cringed. "Feels weird."

"You want to climb up here next time?" She chuckled. 

He peaked over the side to the good two hundred foot drop. "Ugh, no thank-you. I'll stick with the awkward straddle."

"How are you able to stand on the clouds anyway?" She asked as they went inside her home. "I thought only pegasi could."

"Dragons fly too." Spike reminded her. "Just so happens god was feeling like a bit of a dick when he made me."

She snickered. "So how did it go? Did you plow that plot?" Rainbow asked.

"Not exactly. It went pretty well, though." Spike told her.

"What happened?" She questioned. "What do you mean not exactly?"

"Well, we went through the night and everything went really good. I gave her that necklace that you gave me. She started to cry from the emotions I was causing her to have and then she ran away after kissing me." He informed her while plopping down on a chair across from Dash on the couch.

"Dude, that sucks." She said glumly. "I know that feel." She tapped her chest.

"What do you mean?" Spike laughed. "Everything went according to plan."

"What do you mean?" She returned. "That sounds bad."

"Not at all." Spike replied. "When I came to her house to day, she thought of me as that little kid. Now she's thinking of me as 'the one' she's suppose to be with. I'm in her head now. In three days, if she hasn't already made a move, I will."

"You sound like you know what you're doing." Rainbow observed.

"Bitch please, I'm pro at this kind of stuff." Spike scoffed. "I'v been waiting this whole time for the perfect setup like the one you gave me. She's going to be my bitch soon, you can count on that. You helped me out a lot with this, Thank you." He popped open the bottle and took a swig and passed it over to Rainbow. "Whoo! That stuff's strong!"

She examined the label. "Applejack Daniels? Applejack owns an alcohol?" She smiled. "That's awesome."

"I'm not sure if she knows about it or not." Spike chuckled. "Tell me, Dash. Who are you hot for?"

"What do you mean?" She asked while downing a mouthful of the alcohol.

"Who are you into?" Spike grinned. "You set me up with my pony, I'll get you set up with yours."

"I don't know..." Rainbow hedged.

"Com'on i'm like fucking Hitch!" Spike asserted. "The only reason it took so long with Rarity was because I had to plan things with her. Everything had to be perfect. You know cherlee and Bigmacintosh? I helped Bigmac plan that date after those three little bastards fixed what they did and they're still together."

"Still though." Rainbow held back.

"Rain-bro! Let me help you! That gift touched me. It really did. I have to help you now." Spike pleaded. "I'll get you as far as you need to get your pony into bed with you. You can decide what to do after."

"Fine." Rainbow caved. She took another gulp of alcohol and slammed the bottle on the coffee table in front of them. Spike stared in anticipation. Rainbow just stared back and glanced over to the bottle. Spike understood. 

"Ohhh, that's not shocking, really." Spike chuckled. "You two do compete a lot, I always thought that was why. Let me think about this." He closed his eyes and thought about the best way to approach the task. "Got it." 

"Your not surprised at all?" She asked, with a astonished face.

"Surprised at what? Applejack? Not really, I always thought about you two like that. Cute couple, I'll help you start it." He told her. 

"Not at that." She stopped him and blushed with embarrassment. "Your not surprised about me... running the other side of the track?"

Spike knew what she was saying, and snickered. "You thought that I didn't know? Why do you think I call you lesbo? You were admiring Rarity's flank the other day! I'm more surprised that you think that I would be surprised! It's one of the reasons I can hang out with you without trying to pork you. Cause we like the same thing: poontang."

"Aw, your an ass." She returned with a smile. "I don't think that she does, though."

"Pfft the population is ninety-percent female." Spike laughed. "I don't think it will be that hard to change her mind."

"But if it doesn't work then it will just be really awkward between us." Rainbow said. 

"Are you doubting my swag?" Spike demanded. "Don't you doubt my swag! Applejack has more character then Rarity, you can't win her over with compliments and shiny things. Are you willing to work for her?"

"I'v liked her for a while, I'll do anything." Rainbow responded. "Don't get me wrong, I would love to get her into bed, but I want more then just that." Spike just watched her face for any signs of joking.

"Now that's surprising!" Spike reported. "I pictured you as the one night stand mare. Your whole attitude has changed."

"Yeah, because i'm serious about her." She growled. "You're the same way, I thought your goal was just to nail Rarity and then move on."

"Meh, I set up other ponies mostly." Spike admitted. "Rarity was a challenge. I feel the same way about Rarity the same way you do about Applejack. Maybe a little less intensely, though."

"So what are you thinking about for her?" Rainbow asked. 

"As I said, you're going to have to work for her. Applebuck season is coming up and I'm pretty sure Bigmac just might hurt himself again." Spike hinted.

"You're planning on taking out Bigmac?" Rainbow asked, shocked at his suggestion. 

"Wha- no you tard! He owes me a favor and he'll just wrap himself in bandages and pretend like he's hurt." Spike continued. 

"He's okay with you making his sister a lesbian?" Rainbow cocked an eyebrow.

"Definitely. Rain-bro, you need to learn that, every male on this planet is on the same page when it comes to lesbians." Spike explained. "This isn't just about me helping you out anymore. It's my manhood duty to put you two together now, even if it kills me. If I die while bringing two mares together in this world, then I will have succeeded in my life."

"Nice." Rainbow cackled. 

"Alright, so when she's struggling with all the work, then you, and only you, come in to help her with all the work. You and her, side by side, 'bucking' all those trees." Spike told her. 

"What then?" She wondered, she was into this plan.

"I don't know i'll have to see how it goes. There's a possibility that it might start something right there on the spot. She might try to 'buck' you there." Spike chuckled.

"Sounds... Better then I thought it would." Rainbow admitted.

"It's just the start." Spike reminded her. "It's just to plant the seed in her mind that you're there for her."

"Yeah, I like it." She agreed. Then her mind switched tracks. "Hey come here, I want to show you this bad-ass thing that we do now." She got up off the couch that she was laying on and motioned for Spike to follow her.


***


"I don't know about this, Rainbow." Spike peeked over the side of the cloud to a lake under them. "This seems incredibly retarded."

"It's awesome, it doesn't hurt at all!" She encouraged. "Come on! You're not even wearing your suit anymore! Just make sure you land in the lake." She warned. 

"We are really high up, though." Spike hesitated.

"Look at me." Rainbow ordered. Spike turned around and faced his friend. "Do you know what a trust-fall is?"

"Yeah..." Spike said cautiously.

"Good, because this is nothing like that." She pushed him off the side of the cloud.

As he plummeted straight for the target, he shouted back up to her. "You Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!!"

I love how I don't even have to explain things about my own story. 'Why does Spike cuss?' Ah Because- 'Because little kids usually have a habit of cussing.' I love that you guys answer the questions for me. It soothes my soul.
Hope you guys like the story, thanks for reading.
> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"I don't see why I can't just walk there." Spike whined as he clung to Rainbow's back as she ascended upwards to fly to Applejack's farm.

"Cause you're slow as shit!" She replied while picking up speed. "I'm not going to just wait there for an hour for you to show up!" 

Rainbow pulled up and went into cruise mode. Spike didn't know what to do with his hands, so he just put them behind his head. "I feel so damn awkward!" He complained over the howl of the wind. "Do I kick my heels into you to make you go faster or do I poke you with my dick?" He smirked.

"I thought you already were- Oh, my bad, that's a twig stuck in my coat." She cackled. 

"Careful, I'm riding you right now, I could give you a single, brown racing stripe down your back." He warned. 

"Careful, You're riding me, I could just do a barrel roll and you're dead." She looked back to him, over her shoulder to give him a smile.

"Touche." He responded. Then he remembered why they were going there in the first place, and got back into his planning mode. "Are you ready for this?" 

"Yeah, why?" She asked. "It doesn't seem like that big of a deal. You explained it pretty simple."

"Yeah, I said that you should be ready for work, though." He reminded her with a chuckle. "You remember last time when Applejack didn't have any help with applebuck season? She was so out of her mind that she seemed like she was smokin' the ganja! And she was only like a quarter of the way done!" 

"What's your point?" She asked, already knowing what he was getting at.

"You're going to have to work, probably as hard as you ever have had to before." He told her with a pant on her back. "I've already told Bigmac about our plan, he wasn't exactly crushed about having to skip out on all the work."

Rainbow thought about it. "I'm not sure if I like your plan anymore." She hesitated. Spike slapped her in the face from her back. She swerved to the left, but then regained control quickly. "You ass! What was that for?"

"This is how you're going to start things with Applejack!" Spike reprimanded her. "If you really love that bitch, then this shouldn't be that hard." 

"You're right." She agreed. "But how much work are we talking about?" She worried.

Spike just laughed. "Applejack has been kicking those trees everyday of her life, and she can't finish half of them in applebuck season. You're going to have some fun!" He could feel her gulp from her back. "Com'on ya pussy! Earn that bitch!" 

"Your like a fucking poet." She remarked sarcastically. "So you are sure that this will work?" 

"Don't question my methods of seduction." Spike suddenly seemed serious. "As long as you tough this out and make it to the end with her, then yes. By the way, what convinced you that you were into girls?"

"Well, first of all they are just more attractive." She reported.

"That they are." Spike agreed with a head nod. "That they are."

"There's a story that solidified my emotions about it, but I'm not telling you that story while you're on my back." She stated over her shoulder.

"Ohh." Spike teased. "Sounds naughty..." 

"Also one time when I was in town I saw this couple together and I guess she said something hot to him that gave him a boner." She told him. "No pony ever wheres clothes either, so he had a hard time of hiding his dick. It looked like a thick tube with a fucking hook at the end! No thank-you. I'll stick with delicious tacos instead of disgusting meat-hooks.

"I think you should have that story published." Spike laughed on her back. "Alright, I'm satisfied for now, time to get back to Applejack."

"What am I suppose to say to her?" Rainbow asked nervously. "I've only really talked to her when we were competing or something else was going on."

"Just compliment her a little." Spike instructed. "I'm not saying like things I was say to Rarity... No staring intently at her ass or anything..." 

"What?" Rainbow thought she misheard.

"Nothing. Just subtle little things, like her hair or some other crap like that. If you start feeling nervous around her, don't. Concentrate and force those feeling right back down to HELL!" Spike coached his friend. "Just light things. Find something to talk about that doesn't make you sweat so damn much..." Spike noticed that her coat was becoming damp with perspiration. 

"I'm nervous." She muttered.

"I can tell, damn." He wiped his hands off on his leg. "Just relax! I'm drowning back here! I thought that ponies were like dogs with sweating." 

"No, dumb-ass. You've never seen a pony sweat before?" She asked with a nervous chuckle. 

"Not nearly as much as you." He answered. They were approaching the farm faster now, they could see the orange farmer stretching, getting ready for a long day of work. "There she is, go get her- Wait, what am I suppose to do now? I can't be sitting on you're back the whole time."

"Just hide then." Rainbow suggested.

"Where?" 

"Here." She responded with diving head first into a bushy tree. She continued at the same speed out of it, minus the baby dragon on her back.

"A branch jabbed my nipple!" Spike called from the tree to his fleeing friend. He crawled to the end of a sturdy branch and moved a few leaves so that he could see.

Rainbow stopped on a dime and walked over to Applejack with a false stride that displayed her being casual. "H-Hey Applejack! What's going on?" She recovered from the choke on the first word. Well, this will be painless. Spike thought sarcastically. 

"Oh, howdy Rainbow." Applejack greeted as she fished her stretch and turned around. "Ah was just gettin' ready for- Whoa! Rainbow, are you feelin' alright?" She observed her sweating, red-faced friend with a countenance of concern. Spike sighed. Why the hell did I let her go in there not drugged up?

"Yeah, I just... tried to set a new record." Rainbow grinned with the lie. 

"For what?" She asked, cocking her head.

Rainbow Dash didn't know what to say so she just blurred out the first thing that came to mind. "Flying."

"And that's different?" Applejack chuckled. 

"Meh, I try for a lot of different records about flying." She decided it was a successful lie. That's my dyke! Spike thought proudly. "So what's going on with you?"

"Dang Bicmac hurt himself again." She answered, agitated. Spike saw Bigmac in the threshold of the barn and gave a nod that said 'good job, this will work.' He returned with a nod of his own that said 'yup'. "So ah got to buck all these trees by mahself."

"I could help you." Rainbow offered with a shy smile.

"It's alright, Rainbow." Applejack told her friend. "Ah know that yer tired, you can go take a nap if ya want." 

"I'm fine." Rainbow declined. "You could use some help with all these trees."

"Really Rainbow, ah can do it." Oh shit. There's a hitch in the plan!

"Please, Applejack." Rainbow insisted while looking into her eyes, trying to keep her color from changing to red completely. "I want to help you."

Applejack pondered it for a while. "Alright, fine. Y'all can help me out if ya want to so much." She smiled with what could be a construable faint blush. "Thanks." This might be easier then I thought... "let's see what ya can do with them legs of yours!"

Rainbow loosened up a bit after getting weirdly intense all of a sudden, although, it did seem to get positive results. She scanned all the trees and noticed that they all had buckets under them, ready to be bucked. "I got this." She said confidently as she totted over to a tree. She hopped off her hind legs and kicked the tree with full force. The fruit that was previously sheltered in the tree's protection, was now tumbling down into the buckets neatly. Rainbow smiled at Applejack proudly. "Not bad, huh?"

Applejack just smirked and tapped the tree she was leaning on with a hoof. All the apples instantly became gravity's bitch and were now piled in the buckets. "Not bad for a flyer." Applejack laughed. "Let's see how long ya last." She walked to the next tree. Rainbow looked back to Spike in the tree. He mouthed 'you can do it.' to try and encourage his friend. Rainbow took a deep breath and charged the tree in front of her.


***


"Yer lasting a lot longer then ah thought ya would!" Applejack commented, surprised that Rainbow was keeping up with her. It had been a few hours since they had started, they had bucked at least a quarter of the trees already. Rainbow was determined to at the very least earn Applejack's respect. They were both kicking the trees without losing any momentum at all. Rainbow would sneak in a quick glance at Applejack's flank while she bucked the trees, admiring it's beauty. 

"When I said that I'd help... I meant it." Rainbow panted, using everything she had to keep up with Applejack. "I'm not going to stop until you do!" I think she'll pass out before she beats Applejack... Spike thought to himself. He had been in the same tree the entire time, Rainbow intentionally missed that one.

"Ah appreciate the help... Ah really do." They paused to catch their breath. "But why are you wanting to help all of a sudden? You never just want to help."

"I want to help you, though." Rainbow hid her blush with her already red face from working so hard. Not very subtle... But I like it. I can tell that she is actually serious with what she says though. Like I would ever give up breathing fire... Bitch, you must be crazy. "I couldn't let you do all this by yourself."

"What do ya say we pick up the pace?" She smiled, feeling better from their short break.

Rainbow took another deep breath. and thought to herself: I'm really contemplating how much I like you... "Let's do it." They tapped their hoofs together and got right back to work.


***


"I'm done!" Rainbow quit, collapsing to the ground. Every single of her muscles ached with pain from the day's labor. They had been working for hours, it was around two in the morning. They both got caught up with kicking the trees, it had slowly turned into a competition to see who could do more. "I can't do it anymore!"

Applejack wobbled over, she was tired too. "Ya picked a good time to quit." She laughed, laying down beside her with more grace then Rainbow did. "We bucked all of the trees. We are done."

Rainbow looked at her. "Seriously?" She scanned all the barren trees around them. "I thought Applebuck season was like a week long thing?" 

"Normally, it is." She grinned. "But normally we don't go nearly as fast as we did, or as long as we did." She looked up at the dark sky. While they were working they hadn't even noticed that the day already passed. They both just laid there, resting their tired bodies.

Rainbow saw this as an opportunity. She looked into her eyes. "I've never met anypony that was as strong as you before." She thought to herself: Compliment her hair? Fuck that, Spike. She likes her strength more then her mane!

Applejack's face turned crimson. "Thanks, Rainbow." She looked away, thinking. "You seem different today, it's like your... Hey, is that tree still full of apples?" A shine from an apple gave her an excuse to stop her original thought. Holy shit. It's actually working... I need Spike to teach me his secrets... Rainbow thought. Applejack got up and trotted over to the tree.

Rainbow realized that it was the tree the housed Spike, who was probably asleep since it was early into the morning of the next day. Up in the tree, Spike had gotten comfortable in a spot where the branches parted perfectly so that he didn't fall. Unless there was a force that shook him out of the tree. Before Rainbow could do anything to stop the uncomfortable Applejack, she used a bit of her last reserves of energy to kick the last tree. It shook violently enough to evict him from his temporary bed. As he fell through the air, he jolted awake. So he could feel the impact of the ground with consciousness. "Aw, Damn it! Son of a whore." He muttered as he picked himself off the ground. He then noticed Applejack staring at him with Rainbow behind her trying to conceal her laughter from his fall. "Oh hey! What's up with you guys?" He played it off.

Applejack just kept staring at him with a dumbfounded expression. "How- How long have ya been up there?" She asked. "And fer that matter, WHY were ya up there?"

"It's faster then walking." He smirked. Applejack just glared. "I was going over... There." He pointed off into the distance for no where specific. "Then it got dark so I decided that I should stop sleep there for the night and continue my journey in the morning." 

Applejack glanced over to Rainbow to get her opinion. "Faster then walking." She nodded her head in agreement. Applejack detected a lie, but then shook her head and decided to let it pass.

"So what are you guys up to?" Spike asked casually. "'Bucking' those trees... at night?" He then observed that it was well into the night and they still out working.

"Actually we just finished." Applejack informed him with a smile of accomplishment. "Whole week of applebuckin' and we did it in one day."

"Really?" Spike was shocked at the new information. "I guess Rainbow is stronger then you thought, huh?" Spike suggested. 

She turned around and gazed at Rainbow, who was getting ready to stand once more. "Yeah, a lot stronger." She trailed off into her thoughts. Rainbow's face was still red from work so the blush was camouflaged, Applejack's, however, was not. She turned back to Spike, avoiding eye contact with Rainbow Dash. Rainbow beamed at Spike behind her back and gave the pony equivalent of a thumbs up. I guess things have been going well... Spike concluded from Rainbow's excitement. "It's gettin' pretty late." Applejack turned away, towards her house. "Ah'll see y'all tomorrow. Thanks Rainbow for all the help today." She fled to her home. Rainbow and Spike just watched her leave, silently, until she was out of ear-shot.

"Dude!" They brohoofed in unison. "It looks like things went well?" Spike grinned, leaning to catch Applejack slowly trot into her house.

"Yeah, it was kind-of awkward, but it still went better then I thought it would." She reported. "That sucked some dick, though. Kicking these trees isn't as easy as it looks. And that fall was awesome, it looked pretty painful."

"It was." He rubbed his aching back. Things are going hell of a lot faster then what I thought." Spike observed. "My initial estimation of this kind of attitude from her was in like a month from now."

"You thought it was going to take that long?" Rainbow questioned.

"She's supposedly straight, so yeah, I thought it would take longer then a night for her to be blushing around you." Spike continued. "One would think that it would take longer to get the idea of banging the same gender."

Rainbow shrugged as they started walking back to town. "Well, I'm not really going to argue with it, though. By the way, where did you learn all this stuff from?" 

"I'm a dragon. It's what we do." Spike announced. 

"Have sex with things?" Rainbow laughed. 

"You know it!" He confirmed.

"What's next, though?" Rainbow asked.

Spike pondered the question a bit before coming up with an answer. "Oh! Twilight's doing some dumb-ass hike for science tomorrow. She was about to ask you all if you wanted to go or not anyway, so get Applejack to go with us and make your next move there."

"A hike?" Rainbow complained. "How the hell is that for science?"

"I don't know, nor do I care." Spike replied. "All the females are thinking 'ohh look at the beauty of nature!' or some other shit like that. I'm planning on getting Rarity to go too. It'll be a good time to get some time with them."

"I can't talk to Applejack unless we're doing something, without getting all serious about it." Rainbow stated. "I can't just walk with her."

"Same with me a Rarity. Don't worry, I got a little somthin-somethin that will help you relax around her." Spike remembered his little mixture he used with Rarity, he went through the list of ingredients in his head.

"I doubt it. You think that Pinkie Pie will be there?" Rainbow snickered.

Then it dawned on Spike. They were going out into the woods. With her. Oh SHIT! If she's ever going to do whatever she had planned, it's going to be then. "On Second thought, I'll hold down the fort. You can get Applejack, I believe in you."

"I don't understand why you're so terrified of her." Rainbow chuckled. "She's one of the nicest mares I know!

"She's SATAN!" Spike shouted at her, remembering the murderous face of Pinkie.

"If I go then you have to too." Rainbow demanded. "I'm not hiking all damn day with no-one to actually talk to."

Spike caved for his friend. "When I go missing, don't believe the suicide note." He warned. 

"Good. And I thought that you said you were going to wait like three days before messing with Rarity again." Rainbow remembered. 

"Yeah, but I think that the hike is a good place to get 'lost from the group' and heroically save her from the wilderness." Spike hinted.

"You know that you're a devious son of a bitch, right?" Rainbow commented with a grin.

"Of course." Spike responded, smiling. "It's a good thing."

Earn my respect and love by thumbing this bitch up!

Also, what's it take to get featured? I'm not sure if they will feature this because it is too...mature. Does it need more views?
> Chapter 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"So how exactly is this for science again?" Spike asked as he walked down the stairs to join Twilight and the others that have gathered. Every-pony was present with the exception of Rarity. Rainbow was chatting with Fluttershy. Applejack was just looking around, she seemed really uncomfortable around Rainbow. This pleases me... Pinkie Pie was just bouncing around the room, randomly tipping over things. If she stays like that the entire day, I couldn't give a damn over how many plants she tips over with her bouncing. As long she doesn't try to fuck me with every definition of the word.

"I need to observe certain things while we hike." Twilight answered cheerfully while she stocked her saddlebags that were around her. I already got everything I need with me. He smirked to himself. "While we're out there might as well have fun observing nature too." 

"So then what are you observing if you're not already observing the nature?" Spike cocked an eyebrow. 

She just continued to place things into her bags with the help from her magic. "Don't worry about it." She replied and turned around with a frown on her face. "Hey Spike have you seen the bottle of taurine around?" 

"You used the last of it with that last potion you made." Spike lied with an excellent poker face. It was just enough to make three... So it all worked out.

Twilight pouted a little and then turned back around to resume her task before they left. "I don't think I'll need it anyway. I'll pick some more up on our way back." She sighed. "Hey can you go see if Rarity is coming or not? I don't know if she's late or if she decided not to come."

"Sure, I'm sure that she's just running late." As Spike was walking to the door, he saw Rainbow out of the corner of his eye and jerked his head for her to meet him outside. 

"...so then he was like- hold on a second, Fluttershy." Rainbow pardoned herself. "I have to go check something." Fluttershy didn't think anything of it, she just walked over and talked to Applejack while Rainbow joined Spike outside. "What's going on?" She brohoofed him. 

"Good things, Rain-bro." He answered as he took a vial out of his pocket and handed it to her. "...Good things."

"What the hell is this?" She questioned while she opened it and sniffed the aroma. "Smells... Weird. I don't feel like tripping balls the entire time." Rainbow hesitated.

"It's not a drug, dumb-ass. Well, not the kind you're thinking of." Spike chuckled. "How are you doing with AJ?" 

"Not good. It's really weird, she won't talk about normal things." She peered back inside to the orange mare. "It's hard to explain... I get really awkward around her too."

"That's what this is for." Spike motioned to the vial she was somehow balancing on one hoof. "It'll get rid of all that awkward, shitty, feelings and replace them with awesome. You'll feel a lot better around her." 

She brought it up to her eye and examined it. "How do you know that I won't just try to fuck everything if I drink this?" She cringed at the smell again. 

"Because I used it before and intend to again." Spike replied as he pulled out a second one. He popped the cork off with his thumb and downed it. "Tastes pretty damn good too." 

She reluctantly raised it to her mouth and allowed a few drops to enter her mouth. Once she got a taste of it and decided that it wasn't going to cause insta-cancer, she drank the rest in one motion. She blinked a few times and looked at Spike. "Did you make this stuff? It is pretty good."

"I call it Redbull. Fitting awesome name, for an awesome drink." Spike grinned with accomplishment.

"I can already feel it kicking in..." Rainbow looked around with a smile. Does this have a side effect with ponies? "Did you bring more for Applejack? She could really use some of this stuff."

"Nah, she needs to sit and fester in the feelings she has about you." Spike informed her. "Right now, she doesn't really know why she's feeling those feelings. Spend some more time with her with that stuff and she'll soon turn into the awkward one with the crush. Then you get to plow that ass!" Rainbow cocked a head to Spike. "...Or whatever lesbians do." Spike corrected himself. "You know, if you ever had a lesbian party it would have the best name ever." He snickered. "Rainbow Dash's Lesbo Bash."

"How many of those do you have, though?" Rainbow asked. "I thought I saw another in your pocket."

"The funny names? Shit tons- Oh you mean the drinks... I made one for Rarity." Spike answered. "She knows exactly why she has those feelings, might was well kill the ones that are making her feel insecure about having them."

"How many ponies know you like I do?" Rainbow chuckled.

Spike scratched his chin and thought about it. "Well, there's Bigmac, and Fluttershy's bunny, Twilight's brother, really just every male, and Rarity is learning too."

"Fluttershy's bunny and Twilight's brother?" Rainbow questioned.

"Yeah, turns out Angle can talk and is a huge asshole." Spike muttered.

"First Pinkie and now Angel... Everything just hates you." Rainbow laughed. "What about Twilight's brother? How do you know him?" 

"You remember his wedding? I was suppose to do the bachelor party and 'forgot'?" He grinned. "Bitch, please. Like I would ever forget to throw a bachelor party. He definitely likes those strippers at the salty lick."

"Nice." She brohoofed him again. "I like your plan. Sounds a little mean to Applejack, though."

"It's for the best." Spike waved the thought away. "It's the only way to make her think of you like that. I got to go pick up Rarity. See ya in like five minuets." He said while he started his way to the boutique.

"Peace!" She hollered before she opened the door and joined the others again.


***


"Hey, Rarity! Are you comin'?" Spike shouted as he knocked on her door. Bitch! You best be coming! Rarity opened the door a few moments later. She wore a troubled expression. "Hey are you coming with us on that hike?" Spike asked. 

"I'm afraid not, Spike." She answered, glumly. 

"Why not? It'll be fun!" Spike grinned. "All of us out there in the woods, or wherever the hell Twilight's taking us. Do you have like a shipment of dresses to make or something?" Like it's not about me... That's just silly.

"I've been thinking some things out. About you to be more specific and I've just been deciding about some things." She said quietly. 

"Ah, I got something for you that might help with that." Spike beamed as he pulled out the last vial and handed it to her. 

"What's this?" She questioned, looking at the bubbling liquid. 

"Something that will put your mind at ease. Kind of. While you come with us!" Spike encouraged. "Just try it. You'll feel better."

She popped the cork and sniffed it. "Where did you acquire this from?" Rarity questioned. "It smells... Elegant in a bad way, somehow."

"I made it myself." Spike replied proudly. "It tastes a lot better then it smells. Just take it like a shot of Vodka."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "You drink, Spike?" She asked shocked.

He just shrugged. "The occasional drink or two, or five. Depends on if I have to be anywhere in the morning." He smirked.

"Do you always act like this when you're alone?" Rarity asked with a shy smile. "It's much more appealing then you are around the others." 

"How do you think Twilight would have reacted if she heard me tell off that bitch in the restaurant?" Spike cocked an eyebrow. 

"Poorly." She answered, thinking of the purple mare and his harsh language that made Rose cry.

"Exactly." Spike confirmed. "So I act a bit differently around ponies who I know can handle it. I can tell that you're a bit uncomfortable around me right now, so I made that for you so that you'd feel better. Because I care about you." 

She blushed and thought for a bit while she swished the drink around before pouring it into her mouth. She drank it much slower then Rainbow did. After she sipped the last bit, she smacked lips together, judging the flavor. "Better then I thought it would be." She concluded. Then her eyes widened again and she quickly scanned her surroundings. It kicks in a hell of a lot faster for ponies.

"Better?" Spike asked, grinning. 

"Better." She confirmed with a new beaming smile. "I think I will join you after all." 

"Nice. This way, m'lady." Spike let her go first out the door as they walked back to Twilight's library. Redbull... getting people laid since two days ago.

"So Spike." Rarity started as they walked together. "It seems like you're experienced with how to treat mares."

"Don't forget that I'm older then I look."Spike reminded. "And I don't want to sound like an ass, but I'v learned many things, mainly through trial and error." By error you mean perfect every fuckin' time!

"So you're not... New to this kind of thing?" Rarity asked, snickering at the thought of Spike as a player. 

Not in the slightest, bitch. "Meh, I know what I'm doing." He answered vaguely.

"Do you normally just baltenly admit to staring at posteriors?" She blushed.

"Only when I know that it will be taken as a compliment." Spike replied while letting her know that he took a glance back.


***


"I'm glad that you decided to come, Rarity." Twilight said as the walked down a dirt path surrounded by trees and mountains off in the distance. They all packed up and were already on their hike. They were't in the Everfree forest, but they were pretty much walking on the edge. "I thought that you weren't going to accompany us."

"Initially, I wasn't planning on it." Rarity admitted with a grin. "But Spike convinced me otherwise."

"Spike convinced you?" Twilight asked. "He normally doesn't say much that influences anything really." She laughed while Spike just glared and gave her the middle finger behind her back.

"You should really give Spike more credit then you do." Rarity advised. "He's definitely not from the norm." She smiled shyly at Spike. That's right! Let the Redbull take those negative feelings for me away...

"I hatched Spike. And he's growing up along side me." Twilight responded while catching up with Fluttershy, seemingly a little irritated. "I'm pretty sure I know him." Rarity and Spike giggled quietly enough for her not to hear. Sure you do... Whore.

Pinkie Pie then bounced in front of them and was spinning around while walking. It almost seemed like every time when she turned around to face Spike, she sneered... She was spinning too fast, he couldn't be completely sure. Spike didn't take his eyes off of her for a second. Rarity watched Spike as he watched Pinkie and sensed something was wrong. "What are you looking at? Are you looking at her posterior as well?" Rarity demanded. 

"Not at all, yours is the only one for me." He replied quickly before narrowing his eyes. "It's just that... I don't trust her." 

"You don't trust who? Pinkie?" Rarity questioned, a little appalled at the thought of anypony not trusting Pinkie. "Why in world would you not trust her?"

"Because Spike's afraid of her." Rainbow teased, coming up from behind them. "He thinks she wants to kill him."

Rarity just stared at him, gaping. "You started a fray with those two large stallions, but you're afraid of Pinkie?" Rarity couldn't comprehend the logic.

"Spike fought off two stallions?" Rainbow asked, wondering how he pulled that trick off. "Did he pay somepony else? Otherwise, I don't see that happening."

"The two scoundrels tried to mug us, but then Spike grabbed a shovel and knocked then unconscious with one hit to each of them." Rarity swooned around Spike. "It was the grandest nights of my life." 

"So you and Spike are..." Rainbow hedged, fearing that it will mess things up for him. "...Like that now?"

Rarity looked down at Spike and smiled. "I don't see why not to see where things go." Rainbow's jaw dropped with the acceptance from her.

Spike just smirked at his stunned friend. "Power of swag and Redbull. Never doubt me." He stated while draping an arm around Rarity. Applejack was a bit farther ahead of them, alone. Spike nudged his head for Rainbow to go join her. After seeing the effectiveness of his methods, she unraveled her wings and passed the others to catch up with the farmer.

"Hey Applejack." Rainbow trotted up beside her. "How are you feelin-"

"Did ya know that zapapples are the same colors as yer mane?" Applejack interrupted, without making eye contact to hide a blush.

"Yeah... the colors of a rainbow..." Rainbow pieced that puzzle together. "Are you Ok-"

"And the stem is like the lighting bolt on yer cutie-mark." Applejack interrupted again while looking back at her mark. "Except that it's colorful like your mane instead of just brown." She appeared to be mezmerized by her mark, dancing on her leg as they walked.

"What? You see somethin' you like?" Rainbow smirked. That shit Spike made kicks ass! I would have run away by now! Rainbow thought in her head.

Applejack shook her head, out of her thoughts and turned even a darker shade of red then she was before. "Wha- No- I wasn't- I was-" Her tongue was failing her. "I was thinking about something." She didn't lie,really. She was thinking through some things.

"Alright, then." Rainbow replied. "Just tell me if you want anything." With that she slowed down a bit and left her with her thoughts. Spike said just keep doing small things like that... I like it. Little bastard knows how to manipulate ponies...

"What's going on with that?" Rarity asked, observing Applejack walking awkwardly as Rainbow held back and gave her space. 

"Nothin' really." Spike didn't want her to know, not just yet. Not until they actually start something like he did. "Don't worry about it."

Something caught Spike's eye, something rustling in a bush. He squinted his eyes to look at the bush that was a good distance away from them and saw some hook-like red object swinging around the top of the bush. The fuck is that? It just swayed in the wind... gracefully moving side to side. Leaves in the front dropped to reveal fangs. Oh, shit. More leaves fell to show the face of a lion. "Holy crap!" Spike shouted. 

"Spike! Language!" Twilight over heard his shriek. "Don't use that foul vocabulary." Rainbow and Rarity giggled over the irony.

"I'm pretty sure it's called for in this situation!" He shouted back and pointed to the bush with the lion emerging from it. Everypony stopped and looked where he pointed. As it came out, the red hook playfully followed it. While it stepped out they realized that It was from the same being. "What is that!?" Spike wailed.

"It's a manticore." Twilight answered casually. "Don't worry, Fluttershy's got-" The winged beast cut her off with a fierce roar. All of the ponies gasped with fear, excluding Fluttershy, who fainted. Fuck, Fluttershy! You're so damn useless! "-the ground covered." Everypony started to panic.

The manticore started it's approach, it was pretty far away, they had some time to think of something. "What are we going to do? Should we run?" Rarity cried. 

"That's made from a lion, that won't end well." Spike replied quickly, slapping his face trying to think of something. "He's getting closer..." 

"We can use the elements of harmony!" Twilight announced to everypony, the whole scenario didn't seem to phase her. Are you fucking serious!?

"You brought them with you?" Rainbow asked hopefully. 

"No, I didn't." She answered. "But we don't need them! We are strong enough where we don't physically need them. We have each other. We are the elements!" They smiled in hopes and huddled together quickly. The manticore was now bounding towards them, gaining speed. "I think as long as we hold Fluttershy then we have her too." They all closed their eyes, embracing each other, Concentrating on their specific element. Yet nothing happened yet.

"Are ya sure that this will work, Twilight?" Applejack eyed the manticore that was losing distance from them at a alarming rate. "He's still coming."

"It will work, trust me. Trust in each other. Our friendship can overcome anything!" They all huddled closer. The manticore was about less then fifty yards away now. They could feel each others warmth and love rushing over their frightened bodies. "As long as we have each other we can accomplish anything! All we need is friendship and love to-"

BANG!

The manticore collapsed and skid towards them amassing a pile of earth as it did so. It stopped at their feet to show a hole in it's head that was leaking blood. They looked over to see the source of the ear-piercing bang came from. Spike stood there, holding a metal object that had a smoking barrel coming out of it.. "Spike... what- what it that?" Twilight chocked out, unable to comprehend what happened. 

"It's a gun." He replied.

"What's a gun? What just happened? Where did you get that from? Is the manticore going to be alright?" Twilight was firing questions as fast as she could at him. 

"My guess would be..." He walked over to the beast that had a bleeding hold in it's head and kicked it. "...No."

"What did ya just do?" Applejack asked, not sure how to take it. 

"I killed it." Spike answered, putting the gun back in his pocket.

"Why?" Twilight cried. "We could have just used the elements and stunned it!"

"Or you couldn't get it because not  only do you NOT HAVE THEM, BUT FLUTTERSHY IS PASSED OUT!" Spike shouted at her. "That thing was going to kill us all, you idiot!"

"What is that thing and where did you get it?" Twilight questioned with a shocked expression plastered on all their faces.

"As I said already, it's a gun. Not every dragon is big. Smaller ones don't want to die either, so they make weapons so that they don't" Spike explained. "Remember when I left to find out more about where I'm from? The other dragons gave me one when I earned their respect. I kept it, though... Just in case."

"You didn't have to kill it, though!" She wailed. 

"Great, so if you somehow did stun it and we got away it would just be able to eat someOTHER pony." Spike commented. "Yeah, so much better."

"He's got a point." Rainbow agreed, she was out of her stasis of shock and trotted over and joined Spike's side beside the dead manticore. "He did just save our lives."

"How could you support this?" Twilight cried.

"We would be dead if he didn't!" Rarity chirped in and stepped in beside Spike, also. "You should be thanking him!"

"Thanking him for murder?" Twilight wailed. Fluttershy twitched and opened her eyes. "Oh, Celestia thank-you Fluttershy will side with me." 

"What's going on?" She whispered. 

"Spike killed that creature with a death machine!" Twilight informed her.

Her eyes lit up as she took flight and hovered over the beast and gently rubbed it's stomach. "Oh, mister bear and miss alligator would love a treat!" Spike and the others snickered from the face Twilight displayed. It looked as if she just witnessed Spike rape a pony. 

"Fluttershy?" Twilight whispered in disbelief. 

"What?" She asked, then thought about why she was upset. "It's the circle of life, Twilight. Plus my animals won't hurt anypony."

"Exactly!" Pinkie Pie shouted cheerfully as she bounced over to Spike and bent down to his level. "You slayed this mighty beast to grant me another day of life, so shall you get in return." She whispered as she slid a knife into his pocket. Spike felt his heart sink with fear. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! She's going to kill me! HA! But not today! She stood back up and did a cartwheel around the manticore on the ground. 

"Applejack? Do you at least support me?" Twilight asked. 

"Ah would, surgarcube. But ah can't be against the dragon that just saved all our lives." Applejack patted her on the back as she joined the others. "It's not like he's goin' out shootin' everything up! He did it to protect us!"

"That's right." Spike smirked, as he put his arm around Rarity. "The ones I love." She blushed with intensity. 

"Let's just go back..." Twilight muttered. "I have to think." She then started for Ponyville. They others thanked Spike and then caught up to talk some sense into her while Rarity and Rainbow hung back to talk to Spike.

"Hey, Spike." Rainbow asked. "Do they make those for ponies to use?" 

"Nope. Only dragons are smart enough to know when to use it." ON PINKIE WHEN SHE COMES AT ME!! Spike gasped in his head with the idea. "They would all start wars and kill each other, then we would have no one to steal from... Same with the humans." 

"Humans?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah, some weird monkey- looking things. You guys apparently followed me. You guys didn't see any on the dragon migration thing?" Spike asked. "I helped them kill that Dova-dick in Skyrim."

"Who?" Rainbow asked.

"Some dick that got a hold of some of our powers and started killing all the dragons he saw." Spike told them, recalling the memory. "All the dragons thought 'He killed forty other dragons, but I'm special, I can do it alone! Hurr-Hurr!' Then I showed up and got like twenty dragons together and destroyed him. Then they gave me the gun that they could have just used on the guy. He only had a sword, that's stupid!"

"Do you normally kill things?" Rarity asked. 

"No, just when they're doing something like that. That guy and that manticore are the only things I'v killed." Spike answered.

"Cause your weak!" Rainbow teased.

"I wouldn't say anything if I were you, Rain-bro." Spike warned. "I'm pretty sure I saw a tear of fear roll down your face when you were cowering with Applejack." She looked like she was about to say a comeback but then realized she had nothing.

"Rain-bro?" Rarity giggled she knew just from the talk that Rainbow and Spike were good friends, but nothing more. "Suits you."

Thumb up and favorite this story!
Reader:"Hey Shpoople, if you're asking for thumbs and favs, doesn't that make you a like whore?"
Me: "Doesn't that make you a bitch! And damn straight, I'm okay with it." 
Com'on guys! Make this the first featured story that says cunt in the first ten lines! Let's make some history!
> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Hey, Twilight?" Spike started while looking out the window. She trotted over to hear his question. "Does Pinkie Pie harbor any grudges against dragons for any reason?"

"Why would you was something like that?" Twilight cocked a brow and ginned. 

Cause she's going to stab me! "No reason." Spike lied. "Just wondering... Hey did you pick up more taurine?"

"I did." She answered. Hey smile shifted into a suspicious frown. "Why?"

"No reason." She held her stare. "Because I was going to if you didn't... Because I care about you." Her expression softened with appreciation. Stupid bitch.

He returned his eyes to the window and scanned the outside world for pink. He watched until he noticed a familiar pink fur-ball of a tail poked out of a crowd. He squinted his eyes and realized that she was watching him through the legs of the ponies she was hiding behind. What the hell! Did she just lick her lips? Spike started sweating and shaking with the thought of her being anywhere close to him. I can't stay here... Fuck! He then got an idea of where he could hide. He ran to the fridge and grabbed a box-like object and shouted back to Twilight. "See ya Twilight! I'm going out for a while!" Before she could answer, he bolted out the door to another friends house without a trace hesitation in his step. Fearing that Pinkie was following him.


***


"Yo Rainbow Dash!" Spike shouted up to his best friend. She poked her head off the side of the cloud home. "Hurry up and get your ass down here!" He fanatically searched his surroundings for any signs of Pinkie. Good thing she doesn't have camouflage going for her... But she also doesn't have physics slowing her down... Fuck! Rainbow descended down to meet Spike.

"Why are you flipping out?" She laughed. "What's up your butt?"

"I need somewhere to hide today." Spike requested. "I know that you're not doing shit like normal so let me hide form Pinkie here." 

"You know my price." Rainbow turned completely serious with a grave expression. Spike just sighed and tossed her a six-pack of beer he hid in the fridge from Twilight. "Nice! Okay, hop on ya little bitch!" Spike quickly did so. She took off and brought him up to her home.

"Why can't you get a normal house so I don't have to straddle you to your house!" Spike whined as he jumped off her back onto the cloud.

"Because then it would just be a normal house. And that would suck." She grinned at the six-pack of alcohol. "By the way, I still think you're full of shit with this Pinkie Pie thing."

Spike stopped at the front door and turned around, facing Rainbow. "You don't believe me?"

"Not at all." She confirmed. 

"You didn't see the knife she slid in my pocket when I saved every-pony?" Spike shouted at the unfairness of it. "She was going to kill me in the woods!"

"I didn't see anything." She replied as they walked into her house and plopped down onto the couches she has in her living room. "Anyway, if she comes at you just shoot her with that thing you had yesterday!"

"Twilight made me throw it out." Spike muttered. "It was the only way to get her to calm the fuck down."

"Then just torch the shit out of her. You're a dragon! You can breath fire!" She suggested enthusiastically while downing a beer.

"Who am I? Fucking Charizard! I can't do that. I can barley light a candle, maybe blind her if she hold still." Spike returned.

"Well, then. Looks like your fucked." Rainbow chuckled. "You're doomed to be killed by a pink pony that throws a party for every single pony that moves here."

"I don't like your attitude." Spike pouted. "Oh yeah, how are things going with Applejack?"

"Seems good..." She blushed, thinking of her. "She hasn't openly said anything or done anything yet."

"Of course not." Spike stated. "She's straight, discovering new, confusing feelings for a friend." Spike told her. "There's a possibly that she kills herself."

She stopped drinking the beer and stared at him, gaping. "WHAT?" Rainbow wailed.

"Yeah, she's in that stage." Spike informed her. "So you should probably make a move soon... There's your incentive."

"She's going to kill her herself?!" Rainbow cried. "You could have told me this sooner you asshole!"

"I said that there's a possibility of it." Spike corrected. "Don't put words in my mouth. That's just rude."

"SPIKE!" Rainbow shouted in anger.

"Calm down, It's only a real problem if you were planning on waiting a month or something. She would get disgusted with herself for falling in love with her female friend that doesn't feel the same way so yeah, she kills herself." Spike told her. Rainbow was starting to develop tears. "BUT! But. You are going to make a move before she does. She's going to live."

"We're still really awkward around each other, though." Rainbow retracted her tears. Gross. "I can't ask her out. Even on that stuff that you made." 

"Don't worry about it." Spike reassured. "I was already thinking about this when I was sprinting over here. I know how to fix both our problems. Tell me, Rain-bro, what's a crowded place that people have fun in."

"Amusement park?" 

"No."

"Restaurant?"

"No, fatty."

"Movies?"

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

"I don't know-"

"The club." Spike revealed. 

"What's a club have to do with anything?" Rainbow cocked her head.

"Think about it." Spike told her. "Music and dancing and a whole lot of people to make sure that I don't get Silence of the lambs-ed"

"I've heard that clubs suck ass, though." Rainbow hesitated. "And what happened to waiting?"

"Fuck the waiting! It's irrelevant here. Clubs are awesome!" Spike shot her hesitation down. "The trick is to get drunk. That will be your goal for the night when you bring Applejack around: get her drunk. Not so drunk that she won't remember anything, but drink enough to cloud her judgement."

"Pun." Rainbow pointed to their surroundings: a cloud home. 

They snickered and brohoofed. "Unintended." Spike then got serious again. "So you know what to do?"

"Yeah, but I'll need you to come with me to ask AJ." Rainbow requested. 

"Fine, Lesbo." Spike sighed. "I got ya a present." He tossed her a vial of Redbull. 

"Thanks." She set the vial down and continued to drink the beer. "My parents never let me go to a club before. They always said I was too 'rape-able'. So lame..."

Spike chuckled. "Well, that explains why you turned out like you did. And you can't complain about parents at all to me!" Spike responded. "I have no parents! My mother is my sister! I had to teach myself everything I know, that's why I'm such a bad-ass."

"Just sayin'." Rainbow commented.

"I swear when I grew fifty feet when I was born... I swear I heard someone call me pudgy. Fucking assholes..." Spike muttered, then shook it off. He noticed a copy of 'Daring Do!' on the coffee table. He picked it up with a smirk. "You're still reading these shitting things?"

"Please, I never have." Rainbow laughed. "I just said I did to get Twilight to shut the fuck up!"

"So you've never been to the club before?" Spike threw the book away.

"Nope." Rainbow confirmed. "Didn't seem like that big of a deal."

"Oh, you're going to have some fun tonight." Spike grinned. "Ohh, I'll get to wear my swag again!" 


***


"You good to go?" Spike asked Rainbow as he knocked of her front door.

"Not really." She admitted. "Feel like I might throw up, even with that crap taking over." 

"You'll feel better once you're there with her." Spike reassured. 

"Howdy Spike." Applejack opened her front door. She then saw Spike's companion and blushed, avoiding eye contact with her. "Howdy Rainbow... What can I do for y'all?"

Spike elbowed Rainbow to invite her to join them, but she just stood there with blood-red face and stared. Applejack was still avoiding eye-contact so it worked out pretty conveniently. God, they're perfect for each other... I feel like something should have happened already. Spike sighed and decided that he would have to speak up. "Hey, Applejack, we were going to go to a party tonight if you want to come." 

She looked up slowly, but only high enough to see Spike. "You mean like one of Pinkie's parties?"

"NO!" Spike yelped that startled both the ponies. "I mean- no." He regained his composer. "Just you, me, Rainbow, and Rarity."

Rainbow snapped out of her daze. "Rarity?" She asked, not aware of his date.

He looked up at her. "Yeah, if you're bringing some-pony then I am too." He reasoned.

Applejack's ears perked up with a thought. Is Rainbow takin' me? "So you want to come or what?"

"Uh, sure." She answered. 

"Cool." Rainbow blurted out, much less cool then she thought it was going to sound like.

"Uh, Spike?" Applejack started. 

"Wha-WHOA!" Applejack picked him up with her mouth and brought him into her house. "What's going on?"

"Spike, can you keep a secret?" She asked, shyly. 

Spike was silent for a few moments. "Yesss..." Wonder what Rainbow's thinking on the porch... "What's on your mind?"

"Ah think... Ah think ah might like Rainbow." She whispered. Time to wingman Rain-bro...

"You are her friend aren't you? Of course you like her, every-pony does." Spike grinned, attempting to hide the deviousness. 

"No, Ah think ah might be..." She stomped the ground in frustration of how hard it was. "...Falling in love with her." Spike mustered a fake gasp. "Ah know, it's wrong. We're both mares."

"I don't think it's wrong." Spike slapped on his serious poker-face. "I don't have any problem with it at all."

"Really?" She smiled. Then it faded when she remembered who was on the porch. "But it doesn't matter what you think, though." Wow. Thanks, bitch.

"Why not just tell her how you feel?" Spike suggested.

"Because then she won't feel the same way and then she'll think of me as some freak." She cried. 

"You won't know until you do it, though." Spike insisted. It'll be a lot more special for them if they confess their love at the same time, sounds better from the pony and not the messenger. "She might not."

"But what if she does!" Applejack wailed. "I don't want to risk losing her at all." 

Spike smiled. "Come with us tonight, get her drunk and then make a move." Spike instructed.

"What?" She asked, wondering what he just said.

"Get her drunk enough to cloud her judgment, but not enough to make her forget everything. If you two hit things off then she's going to have some things to think out. You can get her." Spike repeated his advice. 

"Have you always been like this? And since when do you drink?" Applejack questioned. 

"Since when have you owned a alcohol?" Spike returned. "And I just act like this around Twilight. Now that I have something that prevents you from telling her." Spike motioned to the door where Rainbow was. "I can act like myself again."

"Well played." Applejack swallowed. "How do you know that that would work?"

"I've played matchmaker more times then you'd think." Spike revealed to her. "And not always for others..."

"Have you... done things with a mare before?" Applejack hedged with curiosity. 

"I have. Multiple times." He answered flatly. "Have you?"

She just pawed the floor with her hoof. "...No..." Rainbow Dash... You lucky bitch...

"So why are you telling me this anyway?" Spike pondered. 

"Ah just had to tell someone." She sighed. "It was eating at me. She's really nice... and beautiful." That was... incredibly easy. "Thanks, Spike."

"Alright. Cool." Spike started towards the door. "So just get ready for tonight, think about what I said, and relax about it." Spike exited her house and met up again with Rainbow outside. "Com'on let's go."

"Is she coming?"Rainbow asked, anxiously. "What did you two talk about?"

"Yes. She is." Spike grinned. "Tonight's going to be a good night for you."

"What does that mean?" She demanded. 

"You'll see." He looked over his shoulder to see Applejack watching them leave, most likely watching Dash leave. "Turn around and wave." Spike ordered while doing so himself. He could see Applejack blush from there. "Good night indeed. Hey if you do hitting things off with her, you have to tell me if she tastes like apples... I have a theory."

"Okay." She agreed.

"I think that she eats so many apples that it permanently stained her mouth to that flavor. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I still wonder about it." Spike explained.

"Oh, you were talking about her mouth?" Rainbow snickered. 

"Nice." Spike laughed and brohoofed her.


***


"Do you need me there to ask Rarity to come with us?" Rainbow offered while the stopped at Rarity's boutique. ]

"No, I don't freeze up like you do. For some reason you've gotten worse then you originally were... Strange." Spike pondered it. "Anyway, I'm fine, just go get ready for tonight." With that, Rainbow walked away and Spike knocked on the door. 

"Hello, Spike." Rarity greeted.

"Hey girl." Spike returned. She motioned for him to come inside. "Me, Dash, and Applejack were goin' out tonight, you want to come?" 

"Dash and Applejack?" She wondered. "Where would we be going? Are any of the others coming?"

"We were going to hit up a club, music dancing... Also, you should know that it wasn't a serious question." Spike grinned. 

"Why would Rainbow and Applejack come and no-pony else?" She questioned. 

"Because... The others are busy." Spike lied with a smile. 

"uh-huh..." Rarity eyed him suspiciously. "You and Rainbow seem to spend more time together then you let on..."

"I'll be completely honest with you, Rarity." Spike started his story mode. "Before I met you, I met her first. I'm not going to lie, I thought about it. But then she pulled me to the side after Twilight left to your house and said these exact words: 'Hey, who's your bitch? I think she's planning on getting you a leash. By the way, I farted on her when I landed on her. I got to be somewhere, PEACE!' Then she flew away. And all thought's of having a non-platonic relationship with her was destroyed."

"So Rainbow's the same way as you?" Rarity smiled.

"Yeah, we act a tad differently when we're alone." He snickered. "But I digress. She's more like a brother, you're the only mare for me." Besides the many that I already plowed before you.

"You see anything wrong with that? She's your brother?" Rarity giggled. 

"Well, Twilight's sister slash mother and Rainbow's best friend slash brother. I've thought about it before, It's really confusing." Spike rubbed his temples. 

"Why is Applejack coming?" She asked. "I understand you and Rainbow but a club doesn't seem like her thing." 

"Don't worry about it. It's an... Experiment between... Two parties..." Spike hedged. 

"And that means...?" She asked.

"Don't worry about it." He re-stated. "So are you coming?" 

"Sure, sounds grand." Rarity smiled. Spike returned the grin and started for the door. "Are you going to wear your suit?" 

"Is that even a question?" Spike laughed as he walked out the door. "I'll pick you up tonight."


***


"I hope they play some Alex Bear." Spike said while the four of them walked to the party. They were ready for the night. 

"Alex Bear?" Rarity asked. "Who's that?"

"You know, the bear that did that awesome song in that Internet commercial." Spike reminded them. "Or Abell."

"I know who Alex Bear is but not Abell." Rainbow said, while they approached the club. Spike was the only one with clothes. Rainbow had a blush that was being faded by the chemicals Spike had given her.

"That's insane! It SHOULD be the other way around!" Spike shouted. "Abell, the cow with the voice of an angel!"

"Set fire to the rain?" Applejack asked, pretty much in a constant blush around Rainbow.

"Yes. That's her!" Spike confirmed.

"Did you drink any of that liquid you gave me?" Rarity whispered over to Spike. 

"Nah, I'm fine now." Spike wrapped his arm around her. "I don't need that stuff anymore." She blushed through her artificial confidence. 

They reached the front door of the club, there was an enormous line that wrapped around the block. "It's going to take forever to get in!" Rarity whined. 

"Yo Spike!" The bouncer recognized a normal. "What's up buddy!"

"Hey buddy!" Spike greeted the large stallion with a bro-hoof. "We just came to have the usual. How's she doin'?"

The three behind them just stared in awe. "She's great, we both are. You're not leaving without some shots with me!" The bouncer looked behind him to the three mares watching and got in closer to him so they wouldn't hear. "Three tonight? Nice job, doing work for our ratio."

"Com'on let's go." Spike motioned for the three to follow him. 

"No lines?" Rainbow asked.

"I know the owner and I'm friends with all the employees, of course no lines." Spike ginned. 

"How often do you come here?" Rarity questioned, eyeing him with a smirk. 

"Not that much." Spike stated. 

"Hey Spike! Get over here you son of a bitch!" A familiar blue-haired unicorn with shades called out Spike as she walked over to them. "How could you come here and not give me a damn hug!"

"Wasup, Vinyl!" The group just stared while they somehow brohoofed and hugged at the same time. "Not very often. I mentioned the owner, this is Vinyl, also known as Djpon3." 

"Oh shit. I got to go, I'll be back. Don't pass out until I come back." They laughed and she left to go drop the bass.

"Sooo..." Rainbow started. 

"Fine. They're like family here." He led them to the bar. "Hey Optimus! Four shots of the good stuff!" 

"I haven't seen you in a while! These are on the house." The barkeep grinned and got back to work.

"Thanks man." Spike thanked him. 

"Optimus?" Applejack giggled.

"My little nickname for him." He informed while handing them all their drinks. "Tonight will be awesome." He declared before the four of them downed their alcohol. Applejack and Rarity choked on the taste. Noobs...


***


Everything was going great. They were all having fun, Spike and Rarity were taking at the bar and Applejack and Rainbow loosened up a bit after doing a few more shots and were dancing awkwardly with each other to the booming music. Then a new stallion trotted up to the bar. "Hey bitch you got a nice plot, don't ya!" He interrupted Rarity's story.

"Excuse me?" She cried. Her cry got the attention of the other two, they watched from a distance.

"I said you got a nice ass!" He continued.

Rage flared in Spike, but he kept all the stabbing rage in his head as he thought out his plan. "Leave. Now."

"Oh this is going to be amazing." Rainbow told Applejack, they were still blushing, but they could talk to each other now. They were still unable to talk about relevant topics, though. "Spike's awesome in these situations."

"Are ya sure about that?" Applejack said doubtfully. "That guy looks pretty big, he's like four times Spike's size!"

"Is this who you're with?" The unseemly horse laughed. "You apparently have NO standards!" He bent down to Spike's level. "What are you going to do about it you little prick?"

"Last warning. Leave. Now." Spike warned. 

"I'm going to plow your girl right here. There's nothing you can do about it, cause you're a little bitch." He continued. The barkeep slid over a blue drink with a little umbrella in it. Spike nodded in appreciation for it. He grabbed it and took a sip while just staring at the rude pony. "Nice drink, fag." Spike threw the beverage all over him, made sure to soak him in the fruity drink. "That's all?" He laughed.

Rarity facehoofed with embarrassment for the lack of valor. "Um... Maybe not this time." Rainbow said, getting ready to step in and help her friend.

"You better have brought lube, ya little prick! Cause after I plow your girl ima-"

Spike cut him off with a click of his tongue the released an ember though his mouth. Every-pony watched in silence as the ember reached the soaked pony and ignited him into a ball of fire. "You've obviously never met me before, you mother-fucker!" Spike shouted over the roar of the flames. 

"Spike!" Rarity called.

"Don't worry, it'll just burn long enough to teach him his place." As he finished saying that the fire died. "That was a fruity drink that was barely alcoholic at all." He turned around and grabbed his drink that was in a beer pitcher. "Jack Daniels. How long do you think this will burn for?"

"I'm sorry." He apologized. 

"Don't you ever fucking say shit about me or her ever again or you will be charred beyond recognition." Spike cautioned him. "Get the fuck out of here." And with that, he fled. The club was still silent, though. Spike stood up on his stool with his drink in hand. "Vinyl! Spin that shit!" She happily obliged and resumed the booming music. Spike took in a mouthful of his drink and spouted a column of fire into the air that made the crowd of ponies cheer back into the hyped party mode. For it was not a true party until some asshole is set aflame. 

These power-outages are a real bitch!
Thanks for reading and comment with your opinions or ideas, story-wise. What? I'm lazy, and will eventually run out of things to write about. Thumb and favorite! FOR GLORY! 
> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"I don't see why you even needed to throw your drink on that guy." Jack, Spike's bouncer friend, said while they sipped their drink. Spike, Rarity, Vinyl, and a few other employees of the club were sitting at the bar, just hanging out. Every so often, Spike would glance over to Rainbow and Applejack to make sure his buddy was doing alright. "It would have been so much more bad-ass if you just lit him up without the aid from your alcoholic beverage, there."

"Fist off, fuck you, no it wouldn't have. I am a resourceful creature, I use my environment to my advantage..." Spike grinned. "Second, as I've said before, It's the same reason I'm like two fucking feet tall, I am a baby dragon. The reason me and Rarity's thing isn't stachatory is because we live much longer then you all."

"I still can't believe that a mare is attempting to tame you." Vinyl laughed. "It's still a weird concept for me."

"Just how many mares have you seen Spike take home?" Rarity asked, smiling. She was still getting used to the notion of Spike as a player. Her cirosity was more then peaked. "I'm guessing that he doesn't actually take them home? Probably somewhere else?"

"He normally takes one upstairs every other time he comes in here." Jack laughed, remembering all the different faces. "So you hooking anypony up with anypony now? I find them quite... Entertaining and enthralling to say the least."

"Entertaining and enthralling?" Vinyl looked at him, confused.

"Get on my vocab level." He replied, flatly. "You plebeian."

"Careful." Vinyl cautioned. "Don't forget, I own you. You're my bitch until the day you die or quit."

Spike chuckled at her warning "Actually yeah, I am tonight." Spike answered. "I do the work that Cupid's lazy ass won't do."

"You're playing matchmaker tonight?" Rarity giggled. "You must tell us who!"

"Not yet..." Spike whispered while stealing a look over to the two mares dancing while sneaking glances at each other. I can't believe they haven't fucking noticed yet! They both were blushing, but the red light in the club camouflaged it. "...You'll find out soon enough, though."

"Ten bits it's those those two over by the bathroom." Optimus cut in with shots. 

"Please, twenty says it's the couple heading up the stairs right now!" Vinyl countered. 

It then dawned on Spike, why they were heading up the stairs. "What is this, a brothel?" Spike turned to his friend, the owner of the club. "You let everyone screw upstairs? I feel like I'm about to contract HIV just by being here now that I think about all the ponies I've seen go up those stairs!"

"I pretend to look the other way about it." She returned. "I let them have their fun... It's them right?"

"Gross." Spike shivered then regained his composer for a elegant speech. "No, this one is actually pretty special, it's not just going to be some, one-night stand. Where I help a bro get a pretty mare in bed, then to never see her again. Nay! This one shall spark a glorious romance between two, soon to be, lovers!"

The group was silent for a few moments, pondering what he said. "So... Those two over by the pool table?" Vinyl guessed again. 

"Nope." Vinyl set the audio system on auto so that she could drink with us. Just then a new song started playing, it blared over the enormous speakers "Better, faster, stronger." "Every time I hear this song, I instantly think of Rainbow Dash."

"How so?" Rarity asked.

"Just listen to the song, she could pretty much be the one that sings this. She's just as cocky as Kanye West-ling." "Tha- Tha- Tha- That don't kill me, only makes me stronger." "Telling you, this song is pretty much the essence of her personality." The group stopped and stared at the two dancing in the crowd, silently observing as the song continued. "...And I'll do anything for a blonde dyke..."

Just then the realization hit them like a freight train. They all let out a collective: "Ohhhhh..." in unison. That was when Applejack decided to take a chance. She lunged in and placed her lips on Rainbow's. Everypony in their group gaped at witnessing it. Rainbow's wings sprung out as if she was launching something. "Redbull can only do so much to hide those feelings..." Spike smiled at his accomplishment. "That was... So much easier then I thought it was going to be..." Most of the crowd noticed around them and started cheering. Mainly the males... Mainly. Applejack quickly broke it and ran out the front doors. Rainbow just stood there, frozen with all the emotions rushing over her. I think I might have seen some tears as she ran out... let's see where that goes.

"Damn it! I should have seen that coming!" Jack said in frustration. "I was wondering what was up with those two. At first I thought that they were sisters... I guess not." He thought about it for a moment. "Hopefully not."

Spike looked over to Rarity, she was stunned at what happened. "Applejack?" She whispered. "Rainbow?" She seemed to be in some sort of trance. This might be a problem... Later.

"You're doing same-sex things now?" Vinyl frowned. "I mean to each his own but you're here A LOT. And you help out a lot of ponies..."

"What are you saying?" Spike asked, not taking his eyes off the shock induced Rainbow.

"Just how many ponies are you going to make into... Mare-meeters."

Once those words left her mouth, Spike broke his line of sight and locked onto Vinyl. "Mare-meeters?" Spike deadpanned. "Really? That's the best you could come up with? You should feel terrible that those words just exited your mouth. I am appaled at the lack of creativity from you."

"You know what I mean, though!" She snapped. "How many ponies are you going to turn gay?"

"I don't know, I might just do mares instead of colts." Spike bro-hoofed Jack. "Really whoever came to me. I can think of a few mares that have their eyes on you. I could have you licking carpet in a week... With a smile on your face."

"Gross." She rolled her eyes.

"Is that a challenge I'm sensing?" Spike grinned with the new opportunity to showcase his skills.

"I do believe that it is a challenge, indeed!" Jack agreed.

"I shall respond appropriately, as soon as I check on my buddy to see how she's doing." Spike looked over to Rainbow, who still hadn't moved at all. "I'm not sure if she's happy or sad or what's going on in that bitch's mind right now..." Spike drank the rest of the liquor in his glass and then walked over to congratulate his friend. She was just staring at the door that Applejack ran out, unaware of anything else in the room. "Hey buddy... How ya feeling? Good?"

She blinked a few times, then looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, I'm feeling fucking great right now!" Her grin was the widest Spike had ever seen anypony grin in a long time.

"Look likes you'e enjoying yourself..." Spike glanced over her shoulder to her throbbing, extended wings.

"I am." She chuckled at his un-comfortableness around them, she on the other hand, thought it was funny. "That was awesome. We're definitely even, you don't owe me shit anymore."

"That's good to hear." Spike said, retrieving his eyes and looking Rainbow in the face. "I'm proud that you're finally going to start something with her, I'll be waiting for the day that you tap that."

"Soon..." She reported, excited for the future. "It does worry me that she ran off, though." 

"Nah, It's fine. Rarity did the same thing, now she's openly saying that we're together, around strangers, at least." Spike reassured her. "What did you do to spark that?" He asked with curiosity. 

"Nothing, we were just dancing, then she just kind of swooped in." She replied. 

This caught Spike's attention. "Wait, what did you say after then?" Spike asked.

"Nothing, she ran away. I couldn't say anything." Rainbow answered. 

Spike's face morphed into complete seriousness and anger. "Did you do anything during? Like whisper anything?"

"No, It was a quick little lip thing. It's not like she tonged mah lickin' hole." She laughed. 

"So she has no idea that you feel the same way about her." Spike questioned her, already knowing the answer. "And just publicly made a fool out of herself in front of about a hundred ponies with something that she believes is immoral." Rainbow started putting the pieces of the puzzle together in her head. "Dumbass! You were suppose to make a move too! I thought that you would have the balls to do something! Or at least be drunk enough to do something!" 

"What happens now?" She asked, worried now.

"We have to find Applejack. Now." Spike told her. 

"Hop on." Rainbow presented him her back.

"No, fuck that. I rather run then give you a lap-dance in my suit!" Spike declined. Before they sprinted for the door Spike had a thought, and ran back to Rarity. "Rarity! You alright? We need your help."

She shook her head and rejoined them from the depths of her mind. "Oh, greetings, Spike. How are you faring this fine evening?"

"No time for break-downs now!" Spike shouted as he grabbed her hoof and pulled her towards the door.

"What's going on?" Rarity asked as she ran beside Spike and Rainbow.

"I want you to come with us to see Applejack, just in case." Spike answered. It can't hurt to have magic with us too.


***


The three of them arrived at Applejack's farm house a few minutes later. They stood on the pourch while Rainbow knocked on the door. "Hey Applejack! You in there?" She called out to her crush.

A familiar voice replied after a few moments. "No."

"Damn it!" Rainbow cursed in frustration. "Where else could she be?"

Spike just stared at her. "You must be a lot drunker then I thought." Spike observed. Or maybe she's just a dumb-ass... Spike walked over to the door to try to talk to Applejack. "Applejack. Open the door."

The silence that followed was painfuly long, to be broken by a slurred: "No."

"Applejack, we're coming in no matter what. You might as well just open it and save yourself a door." She decided not to voice her retort. Spike sighed. "Rainb-" Spike was cut off by her back hooves colliding into the door. The door still stood, but she was determined to beat her wooden competitor. A few more bucks, harder then her first smashed to door into submission with it flying open. "-can you ask Rarity to unlock it with magic." He finished.

"No time for that." She replied as she ran inside. It took you like five minutes to break the door down... Spike and Rarity then followed her inside. They charged into the kitchen to see Applejack standing on a chair with a rope around her neck, ready to kick. Oh shit.

"Rarity!" Spike called out. She instantly knew what to do and envelopedApplejack in a magical haze that levitated her. Spike looked around the kitchen and grabbed a knife off the counter. "Hadouken!" Spike threw the kife to the nuse that was connected to a celing fan. It Miraculously struck it's target and disconnected Applejack from the celing. Rainbow Dash then dove into the middle of the room and grabbed Applejack and brought her to the floor.

"Rainbow, Ah'm so sorry-" She was interrupted by Rainbow's tounge. Rarity and Spike were just watching from across to room. They could practically feel the heat from their faces like furnaces.

Rainbow broke off and stared into her eyes. "I love you, Applejack." She didn't respond, her eyes just teared up with the relief that she didn't lose her friend. They shared a smile before Rainbow planted her lips on Applejack's once more.

"I think we should go." Spike whispered over to Rarity.

"Why?" She asked.

"I feel like my boner will spoil this touching moment..." He replied as he inched towards the door. Rarity slapped her forehead and sighed before following him out. Once they were outside Spike turned to face Rarity, who silently tried to place the door back into it's hinges unsuccessfully. She eventually gave up and faced Spike. "Want to go get some food?"

"This isn't funny!" Rarity snapped, approaching the small dragon. "Do you even understand what almost happened? Do you, or do you just not care? This is not the time for you to be making stupid jokes!" She had tears in her eyes, thinking about what would have happened if they didn't get there in time.

"If I didn't care I would have not done anything." Spike reasoned. "I know how her mind works. This will never happen again. I promise you."

Rarity continued to stared at him before she couldn't hold back anymore and turned around in a attempt to hide her tears. "I can't even fathom that Applejack would ever even think about the possibility of that... that..." She couldn't finish her sentence without letting everything go.

"These past few days should have taught you that there's different sides to others that you don't know about." Spike walked around her to get face to face. Minuets of silence past between the two. "Are you alright?" She shook her head. "Do you want me to walk you home?" She replied with a nod. "Alright, let's go."


***


They walked together, alone in the middle on the town's streets. The moon was the only thing that illuminated their path. There wasn't a single other pony out, not a light in a house on, no sounds of any kind were heard. It truly seemed like they were the last two in the town void of all other life. Spike had his arm around Rarity's shoulder as they strolled down the middle of the road in the moonlight. They finally reached the boutique after a while. Rarity opened the door and turned to face Spike one more time. "Thank you for walking me home."

"No problem. Try and get some sleep, you've had a long night." He started to return to his own home. "Tomorrow is going to be a better day!" He smiled to her in the threshold of the door.


***


He casually walked home alone with his hands in the pockets of his suit. I bet Rainbow got laid tonight... Lucky bitch. The library wasn't far from Rarity's home, they were about five minutes apart on foot. I feel like i'm forgetting something, though... "Hi Spike!" A high pitched voice greeted from behind him. As soon as they were heard, Spike's blood went colder then it normally was. He whipped his head around to see a pink mare known as Pinkie. ...Fuck my life... "Are you going home you silly goose?"

Spike's spine was shivering with fear. "Uh- Yeah Applejack almost killed herself so I was- SNEAK ATTACK!" Spike drew up all the fire he could manage with the adrenalin of fearing death. He managed to hit Pinkie in the face with a ball of fire before sprinting to his destination. While he was running he peaked over his shoulder to see his pursuer only singed.

"Spike you silly Willie! You can't kill me, your just another trophy!" She said while she closed in on the stubby lizard. 

Spike made it to the door of the library before Pinkie could do what she planned. He slipped inside the safety of the house and slumped to the base of the door to be sure that she would not enter. She won't come in, I know she won't. Then Twilight would know that she's a crazy bitch. TWILIGHT! He popped up and ran upstairs to his closest family member. Fuck this now! I've had it with Pinkie! I'm bringing Twilight in on this one. Twilight was sleeping sounding in the comfort of her bed. "WAKE UP!" Spike shouted as he ripped her blankets away. 

"Spike, what are you doing? It's two in the morning... Go back to bed." She moaned. 

"Tables have turned now, haven't they!" He laughed a little bit before reverting into serious mode again. "Can't go back to bed when you haven't started."

"Why haven't you slept yet?" Twilight started waking herself up.

"Because I was being chased down the streets by a murderer!" Spike yelled in frustration and anger.

"Murderer?" Twilight was fully conscious again at the thought of anyone trying to kill Spike. "What are you talking about?"

"She chased me home, thanks for noticing that I was gone by the way!" Spike pulled on her hoof. "Take a look outside!"

They walked together to the front door before Spike peaked through to see if Pinkie was standing there ready with a knife to butcher him like a pig. He slowly began to widen the crack to see more. Although, nothing was there. The murderous pink mare that chased him was either hiding or gave up to strike another day. Twilight peered over his shoulder. "I don't see anyone out there." She looked at him, irritated that he woke her up for nothing. "Who are you talking about? Who exactly do you think was chasing you?"

"Pinkie." Spike replied with a dead voice.

Twilight just started at him with even more anger then before. "So, you woke me up at two in the morning to show me that Pinkie Pie was trying to kill you, to which she is not even here."

"She was, though!" Spike shouted. "After that hike she slipped a knife into my pocket because I saved her too! She was planning on killing me in the woods!"

"Spike, take off that ridiculous suit and go back to bed. It was obviously a bad dream. Either that, or your trying to pull a prank on me. Which isn't going to work." She turned and retreated back upstairs to resume her slumber.

Spike quickly slammed the door shut and locked it, fearing that without Twilight, Pinkie would strike. New goal: Deal with Pinkie Pie. This is going to end, even if one of us dies... How has her foot not fallen off from diabetes anyway?


I have returned.

If I may bring up my comment from before: Don't worry, I didn't leave you guys. My computer got gangraped by 8 different viruses. I fixed it by restoring it to factory settings, wipped everything off of it. Works perfectly, dad comes in, sees that I fixed it after he tried to for a week. "You didn't fix it! It's still fucked!! Look here only four rams!! Let me help you win that!!" *rips out the ram and replaces it with other ram he found around the house and breaks it physically.* So now it's completely broken, no chance in fixing. Noone knows that I wrote these stories so I'm NOT using the family pc. I was half done with the next chapter before it died. 

Finally got a new computer. Ordered one before and it came with a big ass dent in it and it wouldn't turn on. So I had to deal with all that shit. They really don't want me writing these I guess. 

If you feel as though this explanation wasn't enough to soothe that anus, I strongly refer you to this video.  



And hey, don't let this dis-communication happen again. Here's a link to my steam account. Add me as a friend to talk to me or play some shit!

http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198035939306
> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Hey you guys want to go to Sugarcube Corner for lunch?" Spike asked Rainbow and Applejack after knocking on the farmhouse's door. They appeared to be closer then normal, they were almost leaning on each other. Have they been in there since we left yesterday? Damn... 

They both looked at each other to see the others opinion. The two mares shrugged simultaneously with a "Sure."


***


"We're almost there." Spike started stretching, preparing his body for anything that that pink bitch has to throw at him. "Be ready..."

"What are ya talkin' about?" Applejack questioned as they neared the bakery. 

"Wait." Rainbow took the hint. "Are you still scared of Pinkie?" She asked with a cackle. 

"No, I'm not scared anymore." Spike adopted a look of determination that went endlessly off into the distance, but then quickly re-joined them. "Alright, if she comes at me, jab her in the ribs with this bottle." He handed them the green, tinted glass he found on the ground.

"We're not doing anything to Pinkie." Rainbow smacked the bottle out his hand. "You're being a dumb-ass."

"You hear that AJ?" Spike tried to use her new relationship against her. "She said dumb-ass. Get her."

"Ah'm okay with it." She smirked and wrapped her hoof around her as they made it to the door of the bakery. Pinkie popped out of the doorway, as if she was expecting them. Applejack immediately withdrew her hoof from Rainbow's shoulder.

"Hi guys!" She greeted with enough cheer and sweetness to kill a diabetic. "Did you come here to eat? Pfft, It's a bakery of course you came here to eat! That's just silly." She ran outside and rounded the three and pushed them into her home. "What do you all want to eat? My triple choco taco- OH! What about Quadruple choco tacos!" She was hopping around the three of them, lost in her own little world. She eventually bounced into the sunlight long enough for the three of them to get a glimpse of her face.

"Pinkie!" Rainbow cried. "What happened to your face?" She had scorch marks on her face from where Spike had burned her to escape. She stopped bouncing and faced them. 

"Oh, one of my experiments didn't work out so well..." She lied. "Turns out that gasoline will not make cupcakes cook faster... Or taste better..." She glanced at Spike out of the corner of her eye to see him smirking at her. You clever bitch.

"Oh, sugarcube..." Applejack cooed. "Ah have some things that will help you with that-"

"Don't worry about it AJ!" Pinkie suddenly reverted into bouncing again. I'll go get you all some tasty treats!" After that, she disappeared into the kitchen.

The three of them sat themselves down to a table. The two mares just stared at  Spike. "Seriously? You're scared of That?" Rainbow baited. "The monster that's making us cupcakes?"

"I'm telling you, it's just a front." Spike warned. "Behind that mask of deceit, is a satanic demon!" 

"Why exactly did ya bring us here anyway?" Applejack asked. "If you do anything to hurt her, I'll make sure to repay it by tenfold."

"Tenfold? Really? Will that be within a fortnight?" Spike laughed. "And give me some credit! I put you two together!" 

"Ya didn't do anything! Ya just invited us to that loud club place." Applejack retorted. 

Spike narrowed his eyes with confusion, then it clicked. He turned to Rainbow. "So you haven't told her yet, have you?"

She looked away. "No, Not yet. Why does it matter if I did or didn't?" 

"Tell me what?" Applejack demanded. 

"Spike may have had a bigger role in us finding our feelings for each other then you thought." Rainbow started. 

"Although, it does seem like you two are more comfortable around each other then me and Rarity are... Which is bullshit! It should be the other way around." Spike observed.

"What do ya mean he had a bigger role?" Applejack asked. 

Rainbow scratched the back of her neck. "He was really the one who started it. I was... I was...-"

"-To shy to do anything without puking before making a move." Spike cut in. "I've been around. Remember when I fell out of the tree?"

"Yeah..." Applejack hedged. 

"I was helping a bro out." He put his fist out for Rainbow to pump, but she didn't return. "Left me hangin'? Weak."

"So it was all his idea?" Applejack questioned.

"She really liked you so I helped her out and... Increased her odds." Spike grinned. "She provided the feelings and emotion... But I did the rest, yes."

"So ya both lied to me." Applejack summed up.

"Not really, no." Spike wouldn't let Rainbow answer a question yet. "I just brought your true feelings for Dash to the surface." 

"What's that suppose to mean?" She demanded. 

"It was actually really easy to set it up. You can't tell me that you didn't already have feelings for her before I started my craft here." Spike stared at her. "All it took was a few intense moments from her and you were already done."

"I just thought that we were closer friends then the others were, really." Applejack admitted, not ready to confess any pre-existing romantic attraction.

"Com'on AJ." Spike leaned in closer to her. "You and I both know that you wanted Rainbow..."

Applejack was rubbing her temples with her hooves. "Just change the subject, mah head is about to burst..." 

There was a few moments of awkward silence after that. Dash had to say something. "Is Twilight still planning on dragging you to that next book meeting?" 

Spike remembered how boring the last few have been. "Don't remind me, why would you remind me." The two ponies snickered. "If I seriously have to go to another one of those dumb-ass meetings, I'm going to kill myself." The two mares light chuckle instantly morphed into a glare. "Too soon?"

"Can you stop bringing that crap up, you dick." Rainbow threatened with her eyes. 

"I can't." He grinned. "I have so many questions... Like I saw that when Pinkie came out you took your hook back, AJ. You're going to try to hide your little thing?"

"No." Applejack quickly replied. Rainbow glanced at her with a nudge from her elbow. "Maybe later..." She rolled her eyes. They probably were talking about it for a while last night.

"So Rainbow is the dominant one?" Spike stared at them with a whimsical glimmer in his eye. "That's shocking."

"She ain't the dominant!" Applejack snapped. 

"Are you implying that you are?" Rainbow looked at her new partner.

"No, but yer not dominant over me!" She retorted. 

It's wingman time. If they did anything last night Rainbow would still be smiling... She still hasn't scored yet. "I think it's whoever is first." Spike hinted. "Whoever sparks that glorious night..."

Applejack stared at him with narrowed eyes to see the silver lining here. Then it clicked and her eyes widened. "You dirty little pervert."

"From what I've seen, that's what marks the dominant in the relationship. Every single one has one." Spike shrugged and grinned to his buddy, who was trying to restrain her smile.

Applejack and Rainbow turned to each other. "You're not the dominant." Applejack said. 

"Prove it." Rainbow challenged. Nice! Go get some Rain-bro!

"Let's change the subject." Applejack said, without taking her eyes off of Rainbow's.

"How about that sexy throw last night!" Spike started again. "Remember that amazing knife throw?"

"That explains where this cut on her face came from..." Rainbow noticed. 

"Still cut the rope." He reminded. Pinkie then came into the room with six cupcakes on a platter.

"I made two cakes for each of you!" She passed them out. "They are specially made for you! So," She looked at Spike. "No sharing." 

Spike examined his green  and purple cupcakes. These are probably pumped full of Cyanide or some shit! "Now that I've had some time, turns out it was just gas..." Spike confessed.

"Yer hunger was just gas?" Applejack giggled. 

"Yeah, now that I've let that said gas free, I feel better." He revealed. "Can I get a doggy bag for these?" He requested.

"But, Spike!" Pinkie jumped around to him. Her smile was gone and she had a blank countenance. "I want you to try these super special cupcakes I made just for you."

They initiated a staring contest between them. "And I'll be sure to try them at home, when I'm hungry. But, for now, may I please get a bag for these." Beads of sweat were running down Spike's face, he was about to snap from fear of any sudden movements from her. Pinkie, however did not display any emotion of any sort, she just gazed into Spike's soul.

After a few minutes past Rainbow spoke up. "So, uh- you want us to give you two some space?" Wait- What?

"Oh, pretty please!" Pinkie accepted her offer to escape the awkward scene. They both made a lunge to the exit. "Don't leave!" Spike cried out before they could slither out the door.

"Uh- Sorry Spike," Applejack hedged. "We gotta go... Gotta go..."

"Buck?" Spike answered for her. 

"Yes! We got to go buck trees in the orchard." She agreed.

"I wasn't talking about the orchard." Spike grinned. Rainbow and Applejack glared daggers at him. "You deserved that one for leaving. Now that I think about it... I think I'll have to take a rain-check on this afternoon." He attempted to follow his friends out the door. "Twilight has me Organizing her books again." Pinkie beat Spike to the door and slammed it shut after the other two were gone. Fucking lesbian bitches...

Her demeanor Reverted from cheery to homicidal in an instant. She had a dark, devious grin on her face. "You're fine right where you are."

Spike kept his cool. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you shit yourself, keep your head on straight and fuck her shit up. "I don't think so, I feel like I should be hitting the road right about now..." Pinkie stayed in his path. Spike attempted to slip past her with a hope that she somehow wouldn't notice. Pinkie brought her hoof up and picked Spike up by his lower jaw in a toss across the room. As Spike soared through the air he couldn't help but think about how She was that fucking strong. He crashed into a shelf on the wall and brought many pictures of the Cake's down with him as the shelf collapsed from the middle. He considered himself lucky that he didn't land on any large shards of broken glass. "I think there's a piece of glass in my ass." He choked out with a blood-filled cough. 

Pinkie walked over with her expressionless mask of a face. Spike still laid on the ground, in too much pain to run. What the hell am I suppose to do!? He scanned the floor from where he was laying and saw a large shard of glass that he narrowly missed. He slowly moved his hand over and grasped it. A pink hoof crashed down on his hand. "Spike, you know that you can't do that!"

She applied enough pressure for the glass to cut his hand. A small, red pool was forming around his arm. "Why me? Why are you so focused on killing only me?"

"I don't have to explain my motives, but be aware that it's very pleasurable to be the one that takes you." She bent over and picked up a sharp piece of wood from the broken shelf. Spike had many cuts and bruises all over his body from the fall. He considered yelling out, but that would only make her work faster.

She pointed it to his neck, he could feel how sharp the point was. She pushed enough to draw blood, but then took it away. "What the hell are you do-AHHH!" She pinned his free hand to the floor with the wooden spike, through his hand to the floor. "You fucking bitch!" He screamed out.

"Well, I can't have you resisting with that other hand, now can I?" She giggled. She removed her hoof from his fist and stomped on his wrist to force him to let go of the glass. Spike cried out in pain. He had a gash in his hand from the shard. Without removing her back hoof from his wrist. She picked up the glass and observed the bloody glass, blood was running down it. She stuck out her tongue and let a drop fall onto her taste buds. "You've been drinking recently, haven't you?"

"Hey, did you know that Rainbow and Applejack are gay for each other?" He tried to buy himself some time to think of something to do to escape.

"You won't trick me with your tabloid lie garbage." She hissed. "This has already gone on too long, you should have already been-"

"What the fuck?" They heard a voice from the door. Pinkie turned around to see a small, white, bunny. He had a horrified and confused look on his face. Pinkie shared the same look of confusion. Thank you god! I guess my miracle is in the shape of an asshole, but hey, I'll take it! 

A few moments of silence passed before Spike finally blurted out. "RUN!" Angel blinked a few times before what he was seeing registered. After that, he bolted away from the scene. Pinkie just stared at where he was standing. She whipped her head back around to Spike with confusion in her eyes. "Where you not aware that Angel could talk? Not many do. I'm sure that my best friend will go get help... I'm also quite sure that Fluttershy will believe anything that comes out of his mouth." After that she turned and ran after the rabbit. 

Spike let out a sigh of relief that she was gone. Then he grimaced as he gripped the spike protruding out of his left hand. The wood cut into his hand even farther then it was. He inhaled deep breaths before summoning all his remaining strength to yank the wood out of his hand. He was seething with pain, but he was determined to make it out of there. He crawled to his knees, then used the wall to aide him to his feet. He tripped on broken wood and almost fell to the ground again, but recovered. He limped towards the door, using the counter to keep his balance. He was close to crying with joy when he reached the door. He welcomed the warm sun on his wounds and went on his way.


***


Rainbow and Applejack awoke to the sound of knocking. They peeped out the window to see a blur of green and purple. "Spike? Is that you?" Applejack called through the door. 

"I have a fucking glory hole in my hand! Let me in you bitches!" He shouted back in anger. His wounds were still bleeding.

"Well, that's just uncalled for. Even for you, that's pretty mean." Rainbow grinned at her friend's comment as she opened the door. They gasped once they saw Spike's condition. Cuts and bruises everywhere, bleeding from his nose and every limb, gashes in both hands. 

"I think it's very 'called for', you skank!" He coughed more blood into his hand, not that it was noticeable with his hand already dripping. "Can I come in before I bleed out on your doorstep?"

The two mares came back to their senses. "Wait here." Applejack ran off into the house and came back wheeling a gurney. "Can you get on?"

"Yeah, I walked here. Not a single pony out to see me limping here." He said as he climbed onto the medical bed. "Why the hell do you have a gurney?" 

"Applebloom got it when she thought that doctoring was her special talent. Not sure where she got it from, but we decided that we might need it someday." She explained while she wheeled him into the kitchen. "Why didn't ya just go to Twilight or the hospital for that matter?"

"Because if I went to Twilight then I would end up in the hospital anyway, and in the hospital I'm a sitting duck for pinkie. I assumed that you have some sort of redneck medicine here?" Spike asked. 

"Are you saying Pinkie did this to you?" Rainbow questioned skeptically. 

"Yes I'm saying that pink Satan did this to me!" He shouted back. "Are you thinking that I did this to myself?"

"It would make more sense, you little attention whore." She commented back.

Spike just stared at her with a dumbfounded look and raised his hands to his face. "There's a fucking hole in my hand!"

"About that..." Applejack said with her back to him, she was doing something with the stove. "I have to stop the bleeding. You might want to find something to bite on." She turned around with a red-hot pan in her mouth. Spike's eyes widened with the sight. 

"Goddammit."


***


"There! You should be fine now." Applejack spit a pair of scissors out of her mouth. Spike's wounds were bandaged and cauterized. 

"I should have just let her kill me." He muttered on the bed. "Would have been less painful." 

"Be thankful that yer alive." Applejack told him. "You didn't have much time left like that."

"If Pinkie had you like that, why'd she let you go? There's a flaw in your claim." Rainbow pointed out.

"She left to go chase-" He remembered who had saved him.

"Why is Angel here?" Applejack motioned to the window in the kitchen that was open. The white bunny was standing on the pane. "Is Fluttershy around, ya cute little thing?" He hopped down and tried to pull her out of the room by her hoof. "Ya want me to follow you?" 

"Just talk you dumb-ass!" Spike demanded. "You and I both don't have the fucking time for your shit!"

Angel stopped and looked back at him, then the two mares and back again. The gears in his head were turning, contemplating the consequences. "What the hell is with Pinkie!?" He gave in. Rainbow and Applejack's jaw dropped. "Crazy bitch just chased me for like four blocks!"


Ahhhh, do you feel that? It's my second chapter since my down-time. Who else just got a boner?
This was a very fun chapter to write. It rightly tickled my pickle.
> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Seriously, Spike." Angel shouted at the dragon. "What the fuck! What the hell did you do to her? She went from the annoying one that everyone thought was ADD to the one that kills cats for funsies!"

"I told you before." Spike reminded him with a rightfully earned grin with hints of smug. "Oh but you were all 'you're just a big ol' pussy! You're afraid of pinkie? You must have a huge puss puss!' Well now she's coming to skin you and wear your skin to the harvest of souls, you furry asshole!"

"No- Wait. Harvest of souls?" The rabbit cocked a brow. "Is that what she's doing?"

"I don't know! Nor do I give a fuck. As long as it involves us I'll have none of it." Spike said.

"Angel can talk?" Rainbow spurted out. "I had no idea! That's awesome! Can every rabbit talk or just you?"

"Fuck you!" He shouted. Rainbow and Applejack jumped at the redirection of the anger towards them. "I still don't think that I should be talking in front of them. They're outsiders..."

"And I'm not?" Spike asked, curious. "You talk to me like it's nothing. Do you all just keep it secret from ponies? Why are you just a dick to me?"

"Well, I shouldn't have actually talked to you either. But, I thought that it would be fun to pick you out." Angel replied. "And it is."

"Too late then. I think they're on to you." Spike commented sarcastically, looking at the two mares that were just staring at him.

"Ah had no idea..." Applejack mumbled before shaking herself out of her thoughts. "How long have y'all been like this? Have y'all always talked like this and kept secrets from every pony?"

"Yep." Spike answered. "Rain-bro and I have been friends since I came here, and he's just a dick that talks."

"They're going to tell everyone know!" Angel whined. "This is completely unfair."

Spike pondered this. "Secret for a secret time." He said before looking to the bunny. "Did you know that those two are lesbians?"

"Spike!" They both shouted in anger of him divulging their secret. "How could ya do that!"

"I need him. I can't have him running away or something stupid that he normally does." He excused himself. 

"Need him for what?" Rainbow demanded.

"Have you not been listening?" Spike shook his head with frustration. "Pinkie's going to kill us!" They rolled their eyes. Spike felt the rage boil inside of him. Then he remembered how Angel became involved. "You saw it! How much did you see of her being a bitch?"

"I saw her jam that wood through your hand." He stared off into the distance, remembering the scene. "At first I thought it was funny. I thought that she was just pissed at you for some reason and she was kicking your ass. Then she shoved that through your hand and I realized that 'Oh shit, she's just fucking insane'."

"Well then, good luck." Rainbow offered, pushing Applejack to turn around to exit.

"Hold up!" Spike stopped them. "You're not going to help us? She's going to fucking murder me!"

"When you get tortured before you die, that's when you lose us. We're not getting involved." Rainbow replied. 

"Com'on you owe me!" Spike pleaded. 

"I don't owe you shit!" She returned. "You helped me because I gave you the necklace to give to Rarity. We're even."

"You can't help us out at all" Angel requested with a grin. "You two can't give us a little somethin-somethin?"

"And what would that be?" Applejack questioned, cocking a brow.

"I think you and your partner can figure that out." He answered, letting his devious smile run rampant. 

Applejack and Rainbow exchanged looks and whispered to each other in a two pony huddle. Spike had a confused, but interested expression, watching closely. Angel looked at Spike and gave a subtle head nod. The two mares turned around to them and sighed. "Fine." They brought their faces closer and closer until their lips met. Spike and angel gaped, choosing not to blink in fear of missing the scene. They could see their tongues wrestling within the confines of the two mouths. They broke the kiss and looked back to the two males with bright red faces. "Does that satisfy yer last request?" Applejack asked with a highly embarrassed and irritated countenance.

"Definitely." Angel replied. "Although, I was talking about money..." Rainbow and Applejack sighed in frustration. "That's cool, though."

They deadpanned and resumed their exit. As soon as they were out of earshot Spike and Angel shouted "Hell yeah!" and high-fived. "Ow, fuck!" Spike unwittingly used his damaged hand.

"My bad." Angel offered.

"Not a problem." Spike quickly forgot about it. "Dude did you plan that?" Spike asked. 

"Not at all." He admitted. "I wish I could say that I did, though. I'm pretty sure that just made this whole thing worth it."

"Now we can always use that." Spike pointed out. "Anytime that they want something from us, we can get that every time."

"One has to call the other beforehand." Angel told him.

"Hell's yeah." They high-fived again, this time with his good hand, to solidify the arrangement. "I love lesbians..."

"So what's with the Pinkie thing?" Angel asked. "What's the plan? Are we going to try to expel the demons from her?"

Spike held up is bruised, burned hand with a hole. "Fuck no! We go for the kill."

"But what if it's not her?" He asked. 

"I don't give a shit! More reason to kill it!" Spike shouted. 

"I mean if she's not in her mind, like if she's actually possessed or something?" Angel attempted to be the voice of reason.

His voice was too weak to make Spike forget about his scorched wound. "Then she's going to have to take one for the team. I'm not letting that thing live." Angel just shrugged in hesitant agreement.

"How do we kill her then? What if it's not a demon and she just doesn't like you. You can't exactly pour holy water on her and expect her to dissolve." He said.

"I'll think of something." Spike said, placing himself on Applejack's couch.

"Shit I hear someone coming." Angel warned. Spike heard the door open to his left. He noticed a familiar face trot through the door.

"Sup." The large, red, farm pony greeted.

"Hey, BigMac." Spike replied. His eyes widened with a crystallizing moment, the moment he thought of his plan. He knew what they were going to do now. "You want to help us out again?"

"Us?" He questioned. He scanned the room to only see the bunny on the floor. "You and him?"

"Yeah, can you help us out?" He requested. 

"Sure, if it's anything like your last task of me sitting on my ass all day. I'm in." He grinned. "What the fuck happened to you?" He noticed that Spike was covered in bandages and bruises.

"Long story, Pinkie's a crazy skank, that's what we need your help with." Spike brushed through.

"What's with the rabbit, though?" BigMac asked.

"Watch it. I'll climb up your urethra." Angel threatened. Spike and BigMac exchanged looks. 

"Damn..." Spike shivered. "That's a scary thought."

"W-what do you want me to do...?" He asked, not taking his eyes off of Angel.

"Let's go for a picnic." Spike suggested. "With everyone."


***


"Hay, Rainbow!" Spike called up the stairs of Applejack's house. 

"What?" She bypassed the stairs and hovered down.

"Let's go to the hardware store." He said casually.

"The hardware store? Why the hell would you ever go there?" She questioned. 

"I feel like hardware-ing." He told her.

"Wast of time..." She began to ascend again.

"I'll buy you some beer." He bribed.

"Let's go hardware-ing!" She landed and started for the door.

Spike hung back to talk to BigMac and Angel. Spike gave his orders to BigMac and sent him off on his way. "Angel, go with Applejack and start and picnic at the lake."

"This is fucking stupid!" He hissed. "Why do I have to go with her?"

"You know Pinkie's true face. She'll come after you if you don't have someone with you. Trust me, this will kill her." Spike told him. He reluctantly hopped up the stairs to convince Applejack.

Spike then followed Rainbow out the door, to the hardware store.


***


"Why the hell are we here?" Rainbow whined as she followed Spike through the isles of the store.

"Will you shut up! I got you your piss-water, now just follow me." Spike snapped.

"You got some too..." She pointed to the six-pack under his arm.

"Like I wouldn't stock up too on a beer run?" He scoffed. "Bitch, you crazy."

"But why are you here? What are you picking up?" She asked.

"I'm here for the......" Spike scanned the base shelf for the jug he was looking for. ".....Ah! Gasoline!"

"Gasoline?" Rainbow repeated.

"Yes. Gasoline. Oh, I almost forgot. You want to come to a picnic?" He invited her. 

"My gut is telling me to say no." She hesitated. "Picnics and gasoline don't mix very well."

"There's going to be a bonfire." He tempted her. "Fire is fun! When was the last time you didn't have fun with fire?" She looked down at his hand that was recently cauterized. "I mean when you were trying to have fun with it!"

"I had fun." She snickered. 

"Oh, yeah, real  fuckin' fun." His hand still hurt immensely. "Applejack and Angel are inviting the others."

"What are you doing?" She narrowed her eyes, seeing a plot.

"Having a goddamn picnic." Spike told her. "I told you."

"I mean, what are you really doing?" She knew he was lying.

Spike looked around. "We're going to burn the witch."

"WHAT?" She cried. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I misspoke. I meant to say that we're going to burn the bitch." He chuckled before proceeding to the checkout line with the gasoline, leaving Rainbow there, mouth gaping.


***


"Oh, Hi BigMacky!" Pinkie greeted him in her normal cheer. "Watcha' doin'?" All of the ponies had shown up for the picnic, there was a blanket lain out and they were getting their food out. Rainbow was searching for Spike or Angel in the corner of her eye. 

"I think a truck crashed over here." He told her, he was quiet enough for the other not to hear.

"That's awful!" She cried. "We need to tell the others!"

"I think it was a chocolate truck." He lied. "There's like a lake of chocolate sauce over there now."

She instantly stopped all thought of telling the others and took a face of determination. "Show me."

He led her past the lake to the edge of a gorge. It trailed far off into the distance. They stopped at an opening in the treeline to get a clear view down. There were boulders and trees everywhere around them. There was also one bone dry well that no one ever used anymore that was about ten feet from them. "Down there." As she leaned over the side of the cliff, a tree rustled and a rabbit fell out, almost like a apple. She turned and locked onto him. 

"Fuck." He commented.

Pinkie hopped over BigMac and bucked him over the side of the gorge. They could have heard his yell for help miles away. "You slut!" Angel cursed her. She quickly began her charge to ensure that he wouldn't escape again. Angel made an attempt to kick her in the face, but she just caught him like a baseball. He tried to shake loose, evidence of his grunts. She started to pull him. She was pulling him like a torture device. If she didn't stop, she was going to rip him in half. "Spike!" He chocked out. 

"I got ya, buddy!" Spike called, leaping from the tree. He made sure to land so that his spikes struck her skull. She screamed and released Angel. Her head broke most of his fall, but he still flopped onto the ground. Pinkie was bleeding from a gash she had on her forehead. Angel coughed, regained his composure, and got to his feet. Spike was up too, he grabbed a branch that had fallen from the trees and broke it in half. "Here." He tossed It to Angel. 

"Pretty thick, pretty long. This will do nicely." They got ready for her to come at them again. 

"That's what she said." Spike commented. They both chuckled, watching Pinkie trying to stop the bleeding. "Did she just kick BigMac over the side?" 

"Yeah." He answered grimly. 

"Fuck waiting then, let's do this." He started toward Pinkie with his stick. He had her blood on his spine, the blood from her wound was temporarily blinding her. Once he had the right distance between them, he put a little pep in a hop and used the momentum to uppercut her with the stick. She cried out in pain and fell backwards. She laid there, motionless. 

"That was easy." Angel summed up and started off in the opposite direction.

"Like it would be that easy." Spike laughed. He hopped again to bring the stick down directly onto her face. A pink fluff stopped him, it wrapped around his foot. What the hell is that... He looked closer to see that it was her tail. ...Fuck. It suddenly pulled him off his feet and she rolled to get the higher position on him. With rage fueling her, she pounded Spike with force that could crush bones. Angel quickly brought his stick around and hit her in the side of her head. It seemed to do nothing. Angel didn't give up, he continued to strike her anywhere he could to get her to stop pounding Spike.

Pinkie, with her face covered in, not only her blood anymore but Spike's too, flung around and punted Angel like a football. He flew across the tree opening and crashed against the well. Pinkie picked Spike's stick up and broke it in half once more, it resembled a spike. Angel coughed blood while he was unable to move. Pinkie keeled over Angel and pointed the stake into his chest. As she cocked back to make the fatal blow, the purple dragon grabbed a hold in her hair and dove into the well. She tried to stay up with all of her screams, but eventually joined Spike in the well. Angel could hear them both yelling curses as they fell together...

...But they were silenced by the sound of a splash.

Sorry for the lack of chapters, and the short one here. I've been getting evicted from my computer. In my down-time I've been looking at some Animation software... Can you picture what my cartoons would be like? That will be glorious.

You've gotten to chapter 9! 
You see that watch button?
press it.
> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	While the two of them were down in the well, Angel remembered where the gasoline went. He shot up like a bullet and dashed for the longest thing he could find to hoist Spike out of the trap. Although, he was too late. An enormous column of fire erupted from the well. It was if Satan had just opened the gates of hell in the form of a stone hole in the ground. It lasted a hole twenty seconds, but Angel was still sweating profusely; Either from the intense heat or from worry for his friend.

"Spike!" Angel shouted. "Hold on, I'm going to go get help!" He sprinted away from the cliff to their initial distraction for the pink devil. On his way, he only cared if Spike was alive still. He was incredibly quick, even for a rabbit. He was hopped up on adrenaline, sprinting through the field that led to the cliff side. When he reached the ponies just having a normal picnic, chatting away about the most recent stupid things while the inferno charred two creatures in a hole. They looked at Angel, the back of his head was bleeding and blood was also seeping out of his mouth. "Spike needs help!" 

"What happened to Spike?" Rainbow Dash asked him. "What happened to you? You're covered in blood!" 

"I'm fine. It's Spike who needs help!" As he told them, the farmer, and the jock had concerned faces. The nerd, the princess, and the shy one just had astonished expressions to the talking rabbit. "Don't look at me like that! Grab some god-damn rope and follow me!" 

Rainbow Dash quickly complied, her home was floating nearby. She came back with a rope in ten seconds flat. The three took off for the well with the other three a little behind. "He fell down the well." Angel filed them in with all the information they needed to know.

"How in tar-nation did he manage that?" Applejack questioned.

"He saved me..." Angel sped up.

They arrived a few moments later. The rim of the well's walls were black from the fire. "Spike!" Rainbow called down.

"Spike! Are you alright?" Angel tried again.

They all listened closely for a response. "This isn't fucking Lassie! Throw down a damn rope!"

Three of them sighed ine closer and closer to the surface. When he finally achieved that hand hold over the edge, he flopped over the side and lai relief, the other three had looks of confusion plastered on their face. The crew tossed one end of the rope and hoisted Spikd flat in the soft grass. He had swollen bulges all over his body and face. You could tell that he went though a battle. 

"So... Angel can talk?" Rarity asked. She received warranted angry glances from Rainbow and Applejack. 

"Go ahead and ignore Spike's broken face." Rainbow sneered.

"Nope, not broken thank god. Just a little battered." He grinned. "And when I say battered, I really mean it was played with like it was a punching-bag."

"What happened?" Fluttershy whispered, examining the wounds of Angel. 

"We had to resolve a disputed pony." Angel answered. 

"You two were fighting with someone?" Rainbow asked, already knowing who they were fighting. She looked around for the pink one.

"You know exactly who. And Big Mac might still be alive if all you bitches listened to me when I told you about that demon!" Spike answered, still, eyes closed, lying in the grass.

"What." Applejack perked up.

"Pinkie kicked Big Mac off the cliff." Angel informed her. "She wasn't very keen that he led her to us." Applejack bolted for the side of the cliff to see her brother.

"Big Mac! Talk to me! Are you alright?" She shouted down to him. No one responded. Her voice just echoed through the side of the cliff to the steep bottom.

"Yup." A low voice responded. Applejack let out a sigh of relief that would put out every birthday candle in town for a year.

Spike looked up at the sound of his voice. Angel and Spike exchanged glances. "Big Mac's invincible." 

"He's like a god." Angel agreed. 

"So where is Pinkie now? What have you done with her?" Rarity question, with anger in her voice.

"Are you seriously mad right now!" Spike glared at her. "She kicked Big Mac off a cliff, tried to use my face as a bouncy castle and tried to stab Angel. Yet, you're still attempting to defend her."

"I don't believe you." Rarity stated. "I think you all did this to yourselves just to get attention." 

Spike started to boil with rage. It was as if someone had smashed his testicles with a mallet. "Are you fucking serious right now!"

"What have you done to our friend!?" She shouted.

"She's dead." Angel told her. She stared at him with a dumbfounded look. "We killed her. We burned her, like the witch she was. Now she's burning in hell where she belongs." Without even looking, Spike and Angel tapped knuckles.

"How dare you?" Rarity hissed.

"You know what... I'm done. I'm fucking done. I'm done with pretending I'm something I'm not." Spike announced. "Mostly, I am done with you, Rarity. I'll get a pone that I don't have to prove that I'm not a child to. Also, someone that will actually care if I get a two-by-four shoved through my hand." Rarity stomped off to God-knows-where.

"What do you mean you're 'done pretending'?" Twilight asked.

"Twilight, I love you like a sister, But, I fucking hate you so much." Spike blurted out his true feelings. "I'm moving out. Today." 
"Wha- what?" She stuttered. " What about all your things?"

"You mean that pillow on my basket? Yeah, that'll be really fucking hard to pack." He said sarcastically. "If I get anything else I'll turn into fucking God-zilla and raped everyone...  Remember?"

"Spike, watch your language!" She scolded.

"Don't have to." Spike just stared into the blue sky. "I don't live with you anymore, therefore, I don't have to follow your rules and actually be myself."

"But where will you go? You can't live outside." She informed him. 

"Not sure... I could pay rent and live in Vinyl's fuck attic, that would be fun." She shuttered every time he dropped an f-bomb. "Thanks for taking care of me for as long as you did... But, I'm good enough now to live on my own." Twilight was stunned, she didn't have the first clue what to say. Instead, she just teared up and lied down next to him.

Big Mac walked up a hill that was next to the cliff. "Sup." 

Angel and Spike very casually rolled over and replied. "Sup!" Applejack rushed over to him to see if he was alright.

"So where is Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked, scared of the answer. 

"She's down there." Angel pointed to the well and snickered. "By the way, Spike, how did you live through the fire?" 

"I'm a dragon. I swim in motherfucking lava for sport!" Fluttershy looked over the well and couldn't see to the bottom. She decided that she didn't want to either. 

"What should we do about the well then?" Rainbow asked. 

"So you're okay with this then?" Spike asked. 

"I mean she obviously wasn't innocent." She said. "I rather not take a stand on the moral aspects of it, but, I'll side with friends regardless." 

Spike could feel his heart warm with that notion. "Thanks." 

"No problem." She responded. Spike was in pain, but he didn't give a damn about it. He would go through it again for this feeling. 

"I noticed that you develop a more refined vocab when your demonstrating your loyalty." Angel pointed out. 

"Shut up, you failed abortion!" She reverted back to Rain-bro. "Also, I have an idea for the well." She stood by the stone circle and bucked it. The stone wall then imploded into the hole in the ground. 

"Yes." Angel approved.

"Yes." Spike also approved. "Com'on let's head back to town." They all started for town, then Spike noticed that Twilight had still not moved. "Twilight? Ya okay?"

"I'm fine." She grunted. 

"That's misleading, mainly because it sounded like you just pooped." Spike approached her.

"I'm fine." She repeated. 

"Look, just because I'm moving out of your house does not mean that I'm leaving the town. I can still help you out on things... Some things... It just won't be as often." Spike offered. 

"I practically raised you." She said.

"And I'm very grateful for that, I really am. But Everyone has to move out eventually. No girl wants to go home with a guy that lives with his sister in a tree." He told her. "For god sake's I'm ten years old!"

"That's not helping me!" She snapped. 

"Com'on, let's go back to town, you can forget about me in one of those books you read so much." He tried. She reluctantly forced herself to stand and follow the young dragon back to Ponyville.


***


Fluttershy and Angel went back to their cottage, most likely to discuss his vocal-ness. Applejack left with Big Mac to the farm before they left the cliff-side. Rainbow and Spike walked twilight back home; and were now on their way to Vinyl's club to try to see if he could rustle up a living arrangement. The club tends to be slow on a Tuesday, but they still were expecting their regular crowd, such as Spike. The un-ending rapids of a line from a few days ago was now dwindling, trickling stream. Spike gave the bouncer a love-tap and continued inside.

"Yo! Vinyl!" Spike greeted his friend at the bar. She doesn't normally DJ when it's slow. 

"Hey, buddy!" She playfully punched his arm. "Optimus! The normal for Spike." She ordered the barkeep. 

"Nah, I'm good." He declined the offer. 

She was shocked that he turned down a drink. "What's wrong? You're in here pretty early."

"I actually came here to ask you something." Spike admitted. "Would it be okay if I paid rented out the attic?"

She inhaled sharply his hesitance. "I... Can't." She said. 

"Why?" Spike was a little angry, but curious of the reason. 

"I already rented it out to my alcoholic cousin." Vinyl told him. "He was kicked out of Canterlot and needed a place to stay."

"You're keeping your alcoholic cousin in a club with a bar?" Rainbow chirped up. "I don't see this ending well."

"I'll admit, I'll be a little hard. But challenges are fun." She pointed out.

"What?" Rainbow said, confused. "That won't be fun at all! Are you insane?"

"He'll be a party starter." She re-assured Rainbow. "It'll be great."

"No! It won't!" Before Rainbow tried to argue more, Spike pulled out of the club.

"She's a little strange sometimes, but she means the best." Spike told her. "It's fine." He said, sadly.

"But she still denied you." She reminded him of his homeless problem. "Do you have a plan B?"

"No, I don't." He realized. He was always an idea dragon, but, right now, he had no idea what to do. "I wasn't really thinking when I said that stuff, it was all on the spot. I could have at least tried to patch up things with Rarity so that I could sleep on her couch or something."

"You were thinking, though. You got the balls to actually SAY what you were thinking!" Rainbow said to her friend. "You can stay with me."

Spike looked up to his taller friend. He open his mouth to say something, but then just gave her a hug instead. "Thank you." 

"Tell you what, let's get drunk, then we can sneak into Rarity's house and you can eat the necklace that you gave her." She proposed. 

"Fuck yeah!" He bro hoofed her and they both ran inside to drink. Everything.


***


"Shhhh." Rainbow and Spike shushed each other as they tip-toed through Rarity's house. "Dude, dude... We're just too fucking sneaky..." Rainbow whispered loudly as they walked away from the broken window. 

"I know, ah know," Spike snickered. "It's my fire dragon soul of fucking cats...." 

"Cats?" Rainbow parroted.

"When was the last time you heard a cat?" He stopped to ask her.

"What's a cat?" Rainbow slurred. 

"Exactly!" He said, enthusiastically. Opal spotted them from the bottom of the stairs and hissed.

"What the fuck is that!!"  Rainbow shouted in fear. "Kill it!"

"Get out of here, stupid fur-ball." Spike then snickered because cats cough up fur-balls.

The cat raced up the stairs behind Sweetie Bell at the top of the stairs. "You two are really loud."

"You can't hear us!" Rainbow shouted. "We're muted." She then whispered very softly.

"You're not, though. Also, you're not going to wake up Rarity either. She is a very heavy sleeper." Sweetie commented. "I don't care what you're doing, as long as it's fast."

Spike then wobbled quickly up the stairs to Rarity's room. Rainbow was close behind. They opened her door and Sweetie Bell turned on the lights. "What are you doing!" Spike cursed the lights.

"I don't think you realize just HOW heavy she really is at sleeping." She trotted over and touched her eye. She didn't move an inch.

"Cool." Rainbow commented. "There it is!" She pointed to the necklace hanging on the wall and Spike ran over and swiped it.

Spike looked up to his friend and looked straight into her eyes. "Thanks."

"For what?" She asked.

"Never mind." He said while popping the whole thing in his mouth. It was three times better then that dead bitch's cupcakes. The necklace instantly started to dissolve in his mouth. He downed it before it could digest in his mouth and they ran for the door.


***


The two of them were standing underneath Rainbow's floating estate. "Get on my back and I'll fly you up." She told him. He was too drunk to feel awkward about it, he complied. While he was on her back, straddling her, her could feel her heartbeat with his whole body. It was fast. Faster then it normally should be.It's cause she's flying.

"You alright back there?" She asked as she landed.

"Peechy-keen." He reported while he climbed down onto the soft cloud. "You're so damn soft..." He whispered.

"I know, right!" They walked to the porch. "Head and shoulders."

They busted through the door and instantly collapsed onto the couches in her living room. They laid their in silence for a while. "Why the hell don't ponies have television." 

"What's that?" Rainbow asked.

"Dragon tech." He answered. "It's... Beautiful."

"So you're alright?" Rainbow asked, making sure that her attempt at cheering him up succeeded.

"I'm better than alright. I'm ecstatic right now. I shackled off all my chains and now I'm free to do whatever I want." He grinned. "I seriously can't thank you enough for letting me stay here." 

"When I say don't mention it. I mean it. Stop. It's really no trouble, at all. I have like five empty rooms that I have just random shit in." She told him. "I have four personal gym rooms..."

"Nice." He smiled. 

"So now that you can do whatever you want... What do you want to do?" She asked.

She was laying face-down on the couch with her face going into the couch. Spike saw her gloriously toned plot. The fastest pony in Equestria is also the most in-shape pony. He instantly felt very awkward. "I still have no ideas." 

She quickly got up and leaned over Spike. "I do." Rainbow placed her lips over Spike's