But I Have To Pee!

by GeneralLiberator

First published

Scootaloo has to use the bathroom. The universe doesn't seem to want her to.

All Scootaloo wants to do is find a bathroom to relieve herself. Is that too much to ask?
In a town like Ponyville, apparently...yes.

Like, Really REALLY Bad!

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Scootaloo trotted down the path leading from Sweet Apple Acres, making her way back to town. It had been a nice Saturday morning for the filly. She had gotten together with her friends for crusading, like they had done nearly every weekend. After many more failed attempts to get cutie marks (along with some minor property damage), they had stopped at Sugar Cube Corner earlier for some milkshakes before heading back to the clubhouse.

Unfortunately, their time together had been cut short today. Apple Bloom had to help Granny Smith with some chores, and Sweetie Belle had to help her sister with something at the Boutique. Scootaloo could not help but frown at that. After all, it was Saturday! It was a day to take a break from everything else and have fun. Instead, her friends had been roped into doing….ugh….work.

That is soooo not cool! The pegasus angrily mused to herself as she trotted down the path. Why today of all days? It’s a beautiful Saturday!

But alas, now she was on her own. She wondered what she could do for the rest of the day. Maybe practice some new tricks on her scooter? Nah, she only liked it when she had an audience, which was usually her friends. Perhaps she could go see Rainbow Dash? Then she remembered that Rainbow had said something about going to visit Cloudsdale today. What about-

Her train of thought was cut off as she felt an all too familiar feeling start building in her lower half. It was a feeling that any living creature with a bladder knew. One of the most basic of all biological functions.

“Well, before anything else…” The little filly said to herself. “I have to pee.”

She looked off to some bushes on the side of the road and frowned. Many ponies (mainly colts) would be fine just doing their business in nature when nopony was around. Even though Scootaloo was quite the tomcolt, she still had standards. She would use a proper bathroom, like any good filly would.

She looked toward Ponyville and grimaced. Her house was almost on the other side of town. She did not know if she could make it all the way there. Maybe she could stop by one of the shops and use theirs? Surely they wouldn’t mind.

She continued down the path until she was back within the town limits. It was still midday, so the streets were fairly busy. Ponies cantered about, going through whatever their weekend routines were. By now, Scootaloo was feeling particularly uncomfortable. The sensation was getting worse, but she had to pony up and move forward. She continued until her progress was stopped by a familiar grey pegasus colt.

“Hey Scoots!” Rumble greeted with a smile.

“Oh, uh, hey Rumble.” Scootaloo gave a rather pathetic half-grin. She started to make her way around him. “I’d love to talk, but I really need to-“

“Hey, wait up a sec!” Rumble stepped in front of her, much to her displeasure. It’s not that she didn’t like Rumble, as he was an ok colt. She just didn’t really feel like talking to anypony with the pressure building in her bladder. Never the less, she turned up to him and did her best to hide her annoyance.

“Ugh, what is it?” She asked rather forcefully with a scowl.

“Uh…well, you see…” Rumble’s previous smiling face was replaced with a nervous look. “I, uh, just wanted to, um…” He kept stumbling around his words as he scratched the back of his neck. He casually scraped a hoof along the dirt as a light blush formed on his face. “I wanted to ask…if you would…m-maybe…like to-“ Scootaloo cut him off, as she could not take it anymore.

“YES!” She said angrily, eager to wrap this up. “Whatever it is, yes! Can I go now please?”

“R-Really?” Rumble’s look was one of shock, but was soon taken over by a giant smile. “Alright then! So, how about, tomorrow at noon, at Sugar Cube Corner?”

“Yeahsurewhatever!” Scootaloo said in annoyance. She quickly took off into a quick trot around the colt and began down the road.

“Ok. See you tomorrow Scoots!” Rumble happily called to her.

“Yeah, ok fine!” The filly hastily called back without turning around. She turned the corner and began down the next road before her brain finally caught up. She slowly came to a stop and her eyes widened.

Wait…Did we just plan a-

Her thoughts cut off as the sensation in her extremities flared up again. She started down the road again, completely forgetting the previous encounter. Eventually she came to the main street, where her destination was. She knew there were public restrooms at Sugar Cube Corner.

However, her progress was cut off as she came upon a large crew of construction ponies all digging in the street. It looked like they were working on some kind of pipe. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she cantered over to one of the stallions in a hard hat and reflective vest.

“Um, excuse me sir?” She asked the stallion, who turned down towards her. “What exactly are you guys doing?”

“Break in the main underground line.” The stallion told her. “A real pain. Plumbing in most of the town has been knocked out.”

Scootaloo’s left eye twitched.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Wish I were kid. It will take us all day to fix this.” One of the nearby workers called to the stallion. “Listen, you had better get going. A live work zone is no place for a filly.” With that, he turned to make his way over to the pony who called him.

Scootaloo just sat there dumbfounded with her haunches pressed together. Was it really too much to ask for a bathroom break? She turned to look around when something caught her eye. She traced her gaze towards the other side of the construction zone and her eyes widened. There, sitting at the edge of the work area, was her salvation.

A porta-potty.

She gave a relieved smile. Although it did seem a bit gross, she did not see any alternative. Surely the workers would not mind if she used their toilet. She began to make her way towards the tall blue box when a large squawk drew her attention off to the side.

She turned towards the source to see a massive swarm of chickens spill out of the bushes and flood across the road. The procession of poultry crossed right through the work zone, completely baffling the workers. Even worse than that, the feathery hoard was blocking her way towards the porta-potty.

“OH COME ON!” The filly shouted in exasperation.

From where the source of the chickens came flew a familiar yellow pegasus, who seemed to be in a panic. One of the workers approached her.

“Ma’am, just what the hay is this?” The stallion motioned towards the seemingly endless line of chickens that cut right through their work zone. “It’s disrupting our operation!”

“Oh, I am so sorry sir!” Fluttershy answered him with her ears folded down. “There was an incident where a fox scared one of the older mother hens, and the rest of the coops went into a bit of a frenzy.” She looked towards the procession that continued to cross the road. “I have been trying to calm them down and direct them back towards my house, but it has been…difficult.”

As the stallion continued to bicker with the timid mare, Scootaloo took a look around. She was not going to let this get in her way of relieving her bladder! Sure enough she looked until she saw a mid-sized wooden crane that loomed over the chicken hoard. Thankfully, the base was rooted over the ground outside the feathery frenzy. Even better than that, on the other side of the line of chickens was a barrel of water.

Fueled by adrenaline the ever increasing pain in her lower regions, the filly sprang into action. She raced over to the crane and began to skillfully climb up the base by wrapping all of her hooves around it and inching up. Once she reached to top, she carefully began to cross over the main beam. Below her, the thick swarm of chickens continued to cross the road with a cacophony of squawking and clucks. She gave a gulp at the sight, did not let it deter her as she made it to the other end.

Scootaloo took a look down and saw the water barrel below. After taking a deep breath, she stretched her wings, and dove downward. She made it perfectly, landing into the barrel with a splash. She quickly sprang up and landed on the ground, shaking herself off as she did so. She looked backward towards the hoard of chickens and smiled. She turned and began to make her way towards the porta-potty.

At last, relief shall finally be mi-

Her thoughts of victory were cut short as a loud roar assaulted her ears. She turned towards the source, and froze. Her pupils shrunk, and her ears folded against her head.

“You have got to be kidding me.” She mumbled to herself.

The fully grown hydra landed in the road in front of her, rolling until it came to a stop. It picked itself up and its heads turned towards the direction of where it had been thrown from. All of the heads let out hisses and roars. Strangely enough, there seemed to be a light blue unicorn in a magician’s hat and cape riding on the multi-headed serpents back. The mare readjusted her hat and turned towards what the other heads were looking at with a snarl.

“Lucky hit, Sparkle!” The mare called out angrily. “But your beast won’t get another one!”

“Just give it up, Trixie!” Came a familiar voice. Stomping down the road was an Ursa Minor that shook the earth with each step. Riding on the back of the huge bear was a purple unicorn mare with a look to match her opponent. “You chose this little game, but I won’t let you triumph and torment Ponyville! And besides…” She gave the great bear a pat with a smile. “Bear Cavalry always wins!”

“So you think!” Trixie screamed back. “But that is where you are wrong! En garde!”

With that, the two great beasts rushed towards each other and began an earth shattering scuffle. The hydra lashed out with its heads, while the Ursa took swipes with its huge claws. All around the citizens of Ponyville ran screaming, trying to get away from the great battle. All except for one orange filly.

Scootaloo looked between the epic struggle and the porta-potty on the other side of it. A look of determination crossed her face. She had come this far, and she would not back down now. She took in a deep breath, and then ran screaming towards the fray.

The filly weaved in and out, just barely dodging the legs of the two titans who continued to fight, completely oblivious of her. The hydra’s tail smashed down right in front of her, and she stopped herself just in time. She put all of her strength into her legs and leapt over the tail, landing with a roll on the other side.

Just as she reached the other side and got clear, the two landed their final blows. The Ursa sent a bawled up paw in a right hook, punching all of the hydra’s heads at once. At the same time, the hydra smashed its tail down over the head of the bear. The two fell to their sides, shaking the earth as they did so. Their riders were thrown from their backs and landed in the dirt in front of each other. They painfully picked themselves up and stared at each other, frowns etched onto their faces.

“Well now…” Twilight began as she looked between the two giant unconscious monsters. “It seems that we are evenly matched as beast masters.”

“Indeed.” Trixie agreed, giving her a level glare. She then turned it into a scowl. “But Trixie is not finished yet! Now prepare yourself!”

“Bring it on!” Twilight beckoned her with a hoof.

The two unicorns then let out roars before charging each other and…

…beginning to furiously slap each other’s faces.

Meanwhile, across the way, Scootaloo stared up at the blue box before her. She had finally completed her journey. At long last, nature’s call would be answered. With that, she happily opened the door and rushed inside. The door closed, and the green “Open” was then replaced by a red “Occupied”.

Soon afterward, the two great giants began to stir. They slowly lifted their heads (four in the hydra’s case) and looked at each other. They turned their gazes to the two unicorn mares, who were sitting on their haunches wildly swinging their hooves at each other with their eyes closed and heads cocked to the side. Eventually, the Ursa and hydra turned back towards each other.

“Hey Harry, Brian, Mike, John.” The Ursa said nonchalantly in a deep voice. “Nice to see you all again, despite the circumstances.”

“Hey Tom.” One of the hydra’s heads said back flatly. The other heads merely nodded in recognition. “I am really sorry for all of this. That mare had quite the submission spell.”

“No need to apologize.” The Ursa replied with a wave of its paw. “Believe me, I know how these ponies can get sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.” The head named Steve replied with an eye roll. He turned to look at the scuffling mares. “Well, it looks like they are preoccupied. We should probably head back to the forest before Sunbutt shows up.”

“I could not agree more.” The Ursa said as it rose to its feet. “Shall we?”

The hydra picked itself up and the two huge beasts began to make their way toward their home in the Everfree. However, as the hydra turned to leave, it great tail swung and hit the porta-potty. The blue box teetered before falling on its side. From inside came the sound of rushing liquid, followed by a scream.