A collection of oneshots, mostly from Thirty Minute Ponies
Long ago, there was a website called Thirty Minute Ponies, where people had to write MLP one shots in thirty minutes relating to the prompts. It isn't active anymore, but I am incredibly late and am only uploading all of the ones shots I wrote from there now. Plus, I might upload other one shots here in the future, depending on length, as I've been meaning to get back into the pony writing game. Anyway, here are a collection of stories ranging from a far array of subjects, but most of them will be shippy, and a great deal of them angsty.
The format partially inspired by Donnys Boy's fantastic Friends and Lovers. Beside each story will be listed the ships/characters and genres.
You have to do this, Dash. Better now than later, when it would hurt much worse. She has given it her best shot, honest. When Pinkie came in and just blurted out of the blue that she wanted to date her, Dash couldn’t say she was surprised. Like that whole thing with Gilda? Pinks was totally crushing on her, anypony could see that, But she kinda hoped that Pinkie would forget about it, move on. But with Dash’s luck, of course Pinkie didn’t.
And she was totally ready to set Pinkie down gently, Celestia as her witness. But Pinkie and her big blue eyes filled with tears … Nopony could say no to it. And she did love Pinkie, as a best friend. It could’ve evolved into something more as they dated, she had foolishly thought. So against all her better instincts, she said yes.
And sure, it was great at first. They still went pranking, Pinkie still watched her practice her tricks, and all the other stuff they do together, only more often. Dash could’ve lived with that. But then there were the dinners and the dates, where Dash could see Pinkie falling more in love with her every day. The kisses were the worst. All she could think was that she was kissing Pinkie. Not that Pinkie’s ugly, of course not. But she’s her best friend! She’s a sister to her! It just felt wrong. But pinkie deserved a nice girlfriend and a good kiss, so Dash gave her both. Screw anypony who said she wasn’t the Element of Loyalty.
But it had to stop. You can’t force these things, and Pinkie was getting more serious while Dash was just staying the same and ugh! The longer you put off the end, the more it hurts when it comes, right? Right? She had to believe that. Believe it was in Pinkie’s best interest. So here she was, standing outside of Sugarcube Corner. It was a slow day, Wednesday, which meant there’d be privacy. She psyched herself up, took a deep breath and went in. There was Pinkie, bored out of her mind, but her eyes went up at the sight of Rainbow. Darn it, darn it! She was even ready to go into one of her happy ‘Oh, Dashie, I missed you so much’ babbles that were so endearing when they were just best friends and everything was simple but now would just be another spike of guilt into her heart. She couldn’t listen to it, not today. Couldn’t let anything guilt her from doing this.
Pinkie was jumping towards her, ready to go into motor mouth mode, but Dash intercepted her. “Pinks, not today, ok? I … I gotta say something, and I can’t let you stop me, kay?”
She could see the words ready to form the words, confused, and worse, worried. She couldn’t hear that. Not today. “Not a word, Pinks, not until I’m finished. Pinkie Promise, without words!” She turned her head. She couldn’t even look at that whole routine. It’d just remind her whose innocent heart she was breaking.
Pinkie nodded, eagerly and energetically like a stinkin’ puppy. Dang it! Why did you have to get us in this situation, Pinkie? Rainbow closed her eyes. Don’t look at those blue eyes, Dash. “Pinkie, you know I love you, right?” Pinkie was abiding to her Promise, but she could picture the words in her buckin’ head. Ignore em, Dash. “Who wouldn’t, right? You’re caring. Like, you never let anypony in this whole big town be alone for a second. And-and you’re hilarious, like when we were making fun of those fancy schmancy ponies at that big restaurant Rarity forced us to go to on our first date. You’re beautiful and adorable and anypony would love to be in my hooves. And..” Look at her, Dash. She deserves that. She forced herself to look into Pinkie’s eyes, already moistening up as if knowing what was coming. “there will be another pony. Cause you’re a catch, Pinks, but I can’t love you as anything else but my best friend and you’re the most important pony in the world to me, but not like that!” Pinkie was whimpering and closing her eyes, shaking her head as if that would somehow push away this conversation. “Pinkie!” she shouted, shocking Pinkie’s eyes awake. she forced Pinkie’s head to face hers, hoping Pinkie was looking into her eyes. And she said with more certainty than anything else before, “I still love you. So much.”
Pinkie collapsed into her arms. Others may have left, figuring it wasn’t their part to comfort an ex, or that the ex wouldn’t want them around. Dash wouldn’t do that, couldn’t. Because she was the Element of Loyalty, and she would never abandon her best friend when she needed her.
Consarn it, where could the dang thing be! Applejack had been up for quite a while now, despite it being the dead of night. Why, you ask? Why would Applejack, the handy, dedicated, honest workhorse be gallivanting in the break of dawn when there was work to be done in the morn? Apples to buck? Seeds to plant? Probably some big monster the Princesses forgot to tell them about till the very last second they had to stop? All that, and it makes sense why you’d ask why. Why, for no reason other than that some dirty rascal had stolen her hat, right off her tabletop, while she slept! Darn varmint didn’t even have the guts to take from her awake! They thought they could take it away without her noticing, but Applejack and her hat had a symbiotic, telepathic relationship(You pick up a few words when you’re friends with ponies like Twi, Rare, and Shy). And she felt it when it was taken away from her presence, and she could hear its cries for help. Help, AJ! Some monster is wearing me! On their non-blonde, non cowpony head! Why, the mere image of someone wearing her hat was so wrong AJ was surprised the universe didn’t implode right then!
“Don’t worry, Sandy!” Sandy was the name of her hat, obviously. “I’mma root these cold blooded monsters out and put you back where you belong!” she whispered roughly into the night. With her keen ears, her hearing trained by years of cattle watching on top of the heightened senses all Earth Ponies possessed, she heard the slightest ruckus in her barn. Think you can escape, huh? Well think again!
Calmly, and with all the stealth of Rainbow Dash trying to steal a book, she slowly snuck her way up to the barn, where she heard a familiar voice. “Oh Daring Do, stop that ruffian!” Twi? Twi! She must’ve spotted the ruffians before they made their escape! But these crooks must’ve been so horrible that they had caused her to lapse into BTSD! Book Traumatic Stress Disorder! Oooh, AJ had seen many a bad case of that in her years of helping the town. Don’t worry, Twi, I’m coming! She rapidly picked up her pace, only a few meters away. Her dramatic entrance was delayed by yet another voice she knew well, yet off somehow.
“Don’t worry, darlin’. I took care of ‘em.” Rare? Rarity took care of them? She must’ve sorely underestimated that fashionista. For saving her hat, AJ would repay her greatly! She’d lavish her with apple pies and compliments!
“Oh, how can I thank you?” Aw, listen to Twi. Guess I’m not the only one to be thankful!
“I can think of one way.” Okay, what the hay was wrong with her voice? It sounded … rougher. Did those thieves do something to her throat? Twi must have some throat medicine! Well, I got some to loan too! Least I could do for a hero. She reached the entrance, put on her widest and most thankful grin, and opened the door.
Only to find Rarity with a leather jacket on, with cardboard wings attached to her sides, and Applejack’s hat atop her head! While kissing Twilight, and not in a friendly or even remotely chaste way either! They were defiling her sacred hat with their foreplay! There was only one logical reaction to this. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-” Her scream shook the very foundation of the barn.
“AJ!?” Twilight exclaimed in a shock as she broke away from the kiss.
“-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”
“Dearie, we’re sorry! We didn’t think you would notice!”
“-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”
“But it was the closest hat to Daring Do’s we could find! It was a last resort!” Twilight said in a vain attempt to comfort the traumatized cowpony. And then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped, the distraught, contorted expression on AJ’s face shifting into a blank one.
“Twilight, dear. I think we broke her.”
Suddenly, she started up again. “Eeeenope, nope nope nope nope.” She trotted over to Rarity like a soulless automation and snatched her hat off her head. “This never happened. Eeeeenope! I’m going to put my hat back on my tabletop, go to sleep, and think this was all a terrible nightmare in the morning. Eeeeeyup yup yup yup,” she intoned as she trotted back to her house. Silence. Then-
“Darn! It’s just not the same without the hat!” Rarity pouted.
“Hmmm.” Twilight tapped her chin in thought. “Do you think Pinkie would mind if we borrowed those detective hats, Watson?” A sly, passionate look was shared between them, and they were off to Sugarcube Corner.
“Pinkie. Go.” Twilight was bleeding out, both magically and physically. It had taken all of her magic to wipe out that overwhelmingly huge wave of goblins. But there’d be more. Pinkie had to go. Now. It was too bad. She had wanted to see this through to the end.
“No, Twi. This isn’t like one of your books where the hero sacrifices herself for everypony, ok? Those books are for Lamey McLamersons. Er, no offense.”
“None taken.”
I’m staying right here,” Pinkie replied, tears in her eyes.
“Pinkie, please. We need to get the Glove of Gallifrey to the Princess. It’s the only way we can save the world.”
“I don’t give a patootie about the world! Not unless it’s one filled with Twilight.”
Twilight darkly, weakly chuckled. “That was awful.” A small smile passed on both of their faces. “So what?” the bookworm asked. “You’d rather this be one of those downer endings, the deep ‘Evil always wins’ type?”
“Sure. If I get to lose with you.”
“Seriously. Stop that. Way too cliche.” The incoming steps of the horde were nearing ever closer.
“So is this my big last stand?” Pinkie questioned. “Can’t I show these goblins the magic of friendship with parties? I got green banners and everything!”
Twilight sighed. “No, Pinkie. Why would you bring party supplies to a quest like this anyway?”
Pinkie looked at her, dumbfounded. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Pinkie,” Twilight intoned.
“What about my party cannon? None can resist its party inducing magic!”
“Seriously, Pinkie. Go!” she pleaded.
“Nuh uh.”
“Pinkiiiiiie!” she whined.
“No!”
“But you have all the loot!”
“I’ve got the best booty right in front of me.” Groans filled the room. Applejack made gagging noises, Rarity rolled her eyes. Fluttershy ‘Oh my’’d.
“Fine! Fine then. The Goblins kill Pinkie. The end! Game failed!” Spike yelled irritably, throwing his DM book to the sky.
“But I don’t get a cool final party fight? I was going to sing You Gotta Share, You Gotta Care while I jumped into the swarm!”
“NO!” The entire room yelled.
“Man, if only that ogre hadn’t gotten me. I would’ve been out of there with that glove in like, 20 seconds flat! Wait …” Dash commented.
“But I couldn’t have left! Twilight would have died!” Pinkie replied, confused.
“My character would’ve died, Pinkie! Not me!”
“Oooooh. Why didn’t you say that?”
The sound of four ponies and one dragon hitting their heads on the table ushered. It a was beautiful union of mutual irritation. The only pony besides Pinkie to not do so was Twilight, deep in thought.
“Pinkie … If all that was real … You would’ve stayed with me?”
Pinkie turned to her, eyes as serious as possible. “Always, Twi. There’s no Pinkie without Twilight.”
Twilight forgot her irritation as her heart melted. “You know, Pinkie? Just this once I’m okay with cliche.” The two leaned in to kiss-
“No! No smooches! Sessions done! Go home!” Spike ordered. The group grumbled as they separated. Spike sighed. “I miss my old group in Canterlot.”
Pinkie hadn’t noticed it when they had deNightmareMoonified Luna because she was so small then and Pinkie was distracted by the sweet sisterly love feels. And she regretted not hanging out with Luna back then, but she had just found five new fantastic friends! You can’t blame her for allowing Luna to be pushed out of her thoughts.
But that Nightmare Moon night, when Luna had descended like an angel- no, not an angel, something cooler, like, like a noble demon- hair blowing with stars and that super sexy cape and hood, well, that did something to Pinkie. But Pinkie isn’t a silly filly; she knows love at first sight doesn’t happen in real life. But lust, want, and ‘I want to kiss you so, so bad like woah”ness? Definitely happens. And she was majestic, beautiful, intimidating with her larger than lifeness. It scared Pinkie, to see something so one-of-a-kind, something that would never stoop to something like a lowly party baker pony. So she ran, hoping to soothe the butterflies in her stomach. The shameful thing?
She loved that feeling too. After that night, Pinkie swore not to fall out of touch with Luna like last time. She wrote letters, sent party invitations, and they spent time together. Did you know Luna was an amazing prankster? Like that prank that she came up with, when they had replaced Celestia’s entire throne with bananas? Classic!
But they talked too. Luna talked about her need for love, for ponies to know she was there. Pinkie loved that too, because she really understood how that felt. She was a rock farmer, aka the most boring job in the world, and even when she went from Pinkamena the boring rock farmer to Pinkie the exciting partier, nopony really cared about her till Twilight came around. They just saw a random party machine, not a pony. Just like how ponies saw Luna as a big majestic/scary princess instead of the adorable, loving, prankster perfect pony she was. That was where “I wanna kiss you so bad”ness turned into “I wanna hold your hand and prank your sister and just be with you until the end of my life”ness, Pinkie thought. But she didn’t say anything. Because what could an amazing pony like that see in a pony like her?
Tap. Tap. Something hit Pinkie’s window, jostling her awake.
Wha? She made her way to the window, where none other than Luna was standing.
“Pinkie! Pinkamena!” her hushed voice called.
“Luna? What are you doing throwing rocks at my window so late, you silly filly! Especially when you can, y’know, fly.” Rocks at my window … How cliche! But she probably doesn’t realize that, the oblivious pony.
“I apologise, my friend! But I have the most amazing thing to show you, and this is the only time! And my books say that rocks are the traditional way to awaken a friend!” Luna suddenly looked sheepish. “But now I realize my foolishness. I shall return another time.”
“No wait!” Pinkie yelled, a little louder than she intended. “I’d love to see it.”
“Would you prefer I fly to your window and bring you down, or would you rather come by yourself?”
Pinkie snorted. “Hmm, ride on a awesome alicorn’s back or walk down my long, boring stairs. Sorry, Lunie, gotta go with the stairs!” she said with a wink, turning away from the window. Seconds later, Luna was already up at her level.
“Come with me, you silly filly.”
Pinkie giggled as she leaped out the window onto the goddess’ back. “Where are we going?” she asked as they flew.
Luna craned her neck to face Pinkie and retorted with a grin, “My dearest Pinkamena, I thought you hated spoiled surprises!”
Dearest Pinkamena! Pinkie smiled like a schoolfilly for the rest of their trip. Luna finally landed in a peaceful, scenic grassland.
Pinkie jumped off her back and excitedly hoped every direction. “Where’s my surprise where is it where is it!?” Pinkie suddenly stopped, and stared at Luna with an investigating glare. “This isn’t a prank, is it?”
Luna chuckled. “Pinkie, I would never play as mean a prank as this. They are merely waiting for my signal.”
“They?” Pinkie asked.
A large grin formed on Luna’s face as she tapped her hooves together twice. Suddenly, an armada of fireflies rose from the grass, and were falling into formation.
“What are they forming?”
“You’ll see.”
Finally, they finished, and the words You Are My Best Friend adorned the sky. Pinkie teared up. “Lunie …”
“It had occurred to me that I had never relayed this fact to you before, and something of such importance to me deserved more than mere words. Do you like it?”
“I love it.” Nopony had done something so nice, so romantic, so perfect for her before! She couldn’t contain it any longer; the butterflies in her stomach would’ve burst out of her chest if she did. She kissed her. She tried to convey every last thing she felt.
But … Luna pulled away, surprised. “Pinkie, I-I had no idea you felt this way.”
No. No. This wasn’t happening. This was another of her nightmares. It had to be. “What? Do- do you think it’s wrong because of your culture from a thousand years ago and you’ve had to fight against your feelings because of it? Because I can show you it’s ok!”
“Pinkie-”
“Or do you just don’t want to get hurt again? because I would never, ever hurt you!” Pinkie choked out, tears forming.
“Pinkie, please-”
“Or-”
“PINKIE!” Luna used her Royal Canterlot Voice, but it was full of anguish. “I’m sorry. I just … do not feel the same way. I wish I could. I wish I was not putting yet another one of my loved ones through pain!”
“I get it! Why would a Princess love a stupid baker like me!?”
“DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT!” Luna silenced her. She edged closer to Pinkie. “You are the most amazing pony I have ever known and you shall find another. Do you hear me? You shall.” And she hugged her best friend through her night.
Twilight Sparkle has faced many deadly foes and challenges. She has stood up to a corrupted moon goddess who would’ve ushered in an eternal night. She has faced an evil, insane, and chaotic draconequus who had turned her closest friends against her. She was the only pony to see through the clever queen of the Changelings’ disguise. Dragons, Ursa Majors, Cockatrices, oh my! She has seen those and much, much more. But this? This was far and away the most dangerous mission she had ever undertaken.
What could be worse than that, you say? How about breaking a friend’s trust? How about sneaking behind a friend’s back? How about breaking a Pinkie Promise?! Twilight can see you shiver, voice in her head. She understands your fear. But this was for an important cause. It would all be worth it in the end.
That was the excuse she kept telling herself as she went to pick up her food at Sugarcube Corner’s biggest rival, Sweetcircle Square. The rivalry bleed deep, back to both bakeries’ very foundings, The Cakes and the Flours being merely the latest in a long line. Pinkie had made every one of her friends swear a most solemn Pinkie Promise to never shop there. But Twilight had to. This was important.
That was why she was adorned in a ridiculous brown leather jacket and hat, with the blackest sunglasses she could find on her face, and a bushy mustache above her upper lip. Yes, she had in fact used Spell 25 for this. That was how important this was. Pinkie could never know. Just act normal, Twilight. You’re just fine. Perfectly inconspicuous. This was how all her books told her inconspicuous ponies dressed like. And her books would never lie to her. She calmly walked up to the counter and the stallion behind it. “I would like my cake. I ordered it last Tuesday. My name’s Dawndark Twinkle,” she announced in a deep voice. A genius pseudonym, Twilight! Pinkie shall never know!
The young stallion rolled his eyes. “Ya, I remember you. Hard to forget such a goofball. Pa!” he called to the kitchen. “That weird mare with a mustache is back!” Hs father mumbled something incomprehensible from behind him, but the son seemed to understand him. “It’ll be just a second.”
Twilight nodded normally, but inside was panicking. He knew I was a mare! If he could see it, Pinkie can! Panicking, she was panicking! Things went wrong when she panicked. Get a hold of yourself!You just have to get home and put the cake in a separate box, one without the name of Pinkie’s most hated rivals on it! Then you’ll be home free. Finally, the father came out, the cake on the tray held by his mouth. His son levitated it into a box.
“There ya go, ma’am. Hope you’ll shop here again!”
Never never ever never! “Thanks, I certainly will!” She grabbed the box with her magic and hightailed it out of there. She let out a relieved sigh when she made it out. You’re almost there. Now just get home. Not too far. She couldn’t risk teleporting; it could ruin the cake and it had to be perfect, had to be just right, it had to be! What could go wro- dang it Twilight why would you think that now everything will go wrong why don’t you learn!?
And, predictably, things went wrong, as a lovely, sweet, perfect voice rang behind her. “Hiya Twi!” Twilight jumped, and hastily hid the cake in her leather jacket. She turned to face Pinkie.
“Pinkie, my friend! Hello to you too! I’m really, really, really busy, so I have to get to my library bye!”
“Wait!” Pinkie exclaimed, cutting in front of her. “Why are you dressed like that? And why did you use Spell 25 on yourself? And why is there a bulge in your jacket? Are you hiding something from me?”
Dang her and her amazing curiosity! Pinkie had gotten a lot better at noticing the obvious and the not so obvious since they solved the MMMystery together. Twilight was usually proud of that, but at this moment found it very irritating. “No reason! Can’t I be impulsive once in awhile?”
Pinkie’s eyes narrowed. “Yeaaaah, but this isn’t the first weird thing you’ve done. you’ve been avoiding me or stuttering around me or making up excuses and avoiding me Twi! And that hurts when my bestest friend avoids me! Is something wrong? I can help, you know I can!”
“N-no, I’m fine.” She felt a tinge of guilt. Pinkie was right; Twilight had been avoiding her. But she was confused before, and now it was all clear. Now she just had to get the plan done and things would be perfect!
“C’mon!” She quickly reached underneath Twilight's jacket and pulled the cake out. She gasped. “Sweetcircle Square! Twilight how could you!? I trusted you! You made a Pinkie Promise! Those are mean, underhanded bakers and they’ve almost put the Cakes out of business with their mean cheating tactics several times! How could you!?”
Twilight turned her head, unwilling to bear Pinkie’s anger. “Pinkie? Could you just look down at the cake?”
“Fine!” She looked, she saw, and she teared up, for the cake said in pink and purple icing, I love you. Will you please be mine? Twilight Sparkle. “Twi? You-you want to be-”
She nodded. “I couldn’t go through Sugarcube Corner because you’d hear about it, and that place is the only one to make quality cakes like you guys. I’m sorry, Pinkie. I just wanted to finally tell you.””
“Even though you broke a Pinkie Promise and would’ve earned my furious wrath?”
“I would break a Pinkie Promise hundreds of times for the chance to make you happy.” An... unconventional pick up line, but then everything about Pinkie was so wonderfully unconventional. “I understand if you don’t-” She was cut off by sugary sweet lips crashing into hers, whisking her off to wonderful bliss. This is way better than the plan. she thought as she melted into the kiss.
Pinkie Pie was trotting down the street, humming a happy song that was bound to be stuck in her head for days, with the biggest smile on her face. Most would think this was no different from any other day, but for Pinkie it was. Today would be the day everything changed. For the better, she hoped. She felt it this morning when her tummy itched and her ears pointed up and her hooves tingled. She also knew that this had to do with her bestest friend, Twilight Sparkle. This wasn’t because of her Pinkie Sense. It was just because Twilight had a track record for bringing in awesome change. Why, in her first day in Ponyville she helped Pinkie make her five best friends in the world! And maybe, just maybe, it was the tiniest bit of hope that made her think Twilight Sparkle was involved.
Anywho, that was why Pinkie was trotting her way to the library. She saw Spike walk through the door. “Hiya, Spikey!” she greeted. “How are you doing?”
“Not good,” he grumbled. “Twilight’s acting really weird today. I just couldn’t take it, y’know? So I asked her if I could see Rarity. And the worst part?”
“What’s the worst part?” Pinkie asked, with a sense of foreboding.
“She said yes! Without any bargaining!”
Pinkie giggled. She was expecting worse. “Spike, maybe she’s just having a super fun day!”
Spike shook his head. “You don’t understand, Pinkie! She let me go,” he paused for effect, “despite the books still needing to be organized!” he dramatically finished, a loud gasp from Pinkie accentuating the seriousness of the situation.
“What madness is this, Spike!?”
“I know, Pinkie!”
“What if her brain’s been replaced with a piggy, or she’s being possessed by a ghost, or maybe her evil twin is replacing her!”
“I don’t know, and I don’t wanna know. Can you check up on her for me? I’ve been worked to my scales lately. I could really use a day off.”
Pinkie saluted him. “Aye aye, Spikey! Already was planning to! I’ll get this sorted out faster than AJ eating 155 apples in a row!”
“Yuck, don’t remind me. Still the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.” He walked off as Pinkie opened the door.
“Twilight?” she asked into the ponyless emptyness. She frowned. This was wrong. Twilight should be organizing, or writing her checklist, or reading, or reading her checklist bedtime stories, or whatever librarians did! But while she did hear noise, it wasn’t the noise she associated with those things. No, it was a sound she knew well. It was the sound of a pony being quiet for a-
“SURPRISE!” the librarian’s voice rang out right beside her, giving the baker quite the fright as streamers and a banner descended from the sky. HAPPY 1667TH VISIT TO THE LIBRARY the banner read. This was definitely wrong. Twilight never used her teleportation to surprise people, and she never threw parties over small things like this, or with this style. She looked her friend over. For the most part, Twilight looked the same, but her hair was out of her usual tidiness. It wasn’t the one associated with Crazy!Twilight, instead it just fell around her neck. And she had the most familiar grin on her face.
“Twi? What’s up with your hair and the party and Pinkie smile and and all of this?”
Twilight giggled, but it wasn’t her giggle, real and beautiful and her. It was high pitched, excited, it was a Pinkie laugh! “Well, I just realized I’ve been too much of a Stricty McSctricty pants! It’s time I lived a little! And there’s no better way of living than parties, am I right?” She giggled Pinkie’s giggle again. Pinkie was pretty sure she hated it more than anything she had ever heard before.
“Twi-”
A cake teleported over to them, held by the librarian’s magic. “Cake?”
“No, Twi-”
“Ok!” she exclaimed, teleporting it away and bringing a bowl to replace it. “Punch?”
“Twi-”
“I get it! You want to dance!” She sent the punch away and turned the record on. “C’mon!” She did her usual dance routine. At least that didn’t change. But not even Twilight’s fun, out of control, and real dancing could soothe Pinkie this time.
“TWIIIIILIIIIGHT!” she screamed, finally getting Twilight to stop in her tracks.
“Yes, Pinkie?” she said, blinking.
“Why-why are you making fun of me like this?”
“What?” The fake happy tone was gone, replaced with Twilight’s real concerned and regretful voice.
“I never expected you to do that, Twi! I thought you respected me! I thought you could see past the parties and the cake and the dancing and see me! But-but I guess I was wrong,” she choked out, turning away.
“Pinkie, wait!” Twilight exclaimed, teleporting in front of her. She grabbed Pinkie’s shoulders with her hooves. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun of you. You’re fun and hilarious and the greatest at throwing parties, sure. But you’re smart, maybe smarter than I am, and the realest person I know, and your eyes are so honest and blue and beautiful I could get lost in them forever and you have that mysterious quality that makes my heart quicken and all my books tell me that it means I lov-” she stopped, realizing she was saying too much.
“You-you love me? Is that what all this was for?”
“Yeah. I asked Applejack for some honest advice and she, blunt as always, said she didn’t see us working out. That-that we were too different to last. So I thought, ‘What if I changed myself for you?’ Guess that didn’t turn out the way I hoped,” she bitterly chuckled.
Applejack is going to get a talking to after this. She appreciated her trying to help her friend, but she was wrong. They could work. They would work. She went right up to Twilight and kissed her. She tried to show her that Pinkie loved Twilight, not Pinkie!Twilight.
When it ended, Twilight could only sputter “Pinkie wh-why”
She smiled. “I love you for being smarty pants snarky loving nice organizy you, Twilight. And I have for a loooooong time. I thought you would’ve noticed a lot sooner than this!” she giggled.
Twilight looked her and put on her realest, most beautiful Twilight Sparklest smile. “Yeah, how could I be so stupid?”
Fluttershy wasn’t a jealous pony, usually. She was kind and loved pony and animalkind with all her heart. And she trusted Rarity, she really really did! But she had to admit that seeing all those fancy on the outside and not-so-fancy on the inside mares and stallions, flirting with her mare, dancing with her mare, made her want to squeeze their little throats or buck em in the teeth or-or sic Angel on them! Ooooh, sorry, sorry. That was way too far and out of line. Fluttershy knew, in her brain, that Rarity would never ever cheat on her, or dance romantically instead of platonically with Fancy Pants, or break up with her at the dance so she, Fancy Pants, and Fleur could run off together and live on a remote island with bunch of cute crabs and monkeys and other such animals … Where was she? Oh, yes. She knew in her head that Rare would never do any of that. But in her heart? A fire was brewing, and only grew as yet another drunken stallion went after her mare.
“‘Ello, my dear!” the stallion said roughly, his movements loose. “May I have a dance with such a smokin’ lady?”
“Oh, no, sorry. I’m rather tired, and I do have somepony I’m going to see.” Rarity looked at Fluttershy, and as their eyes met Fluttershy smiled. She hasn’t forgotten about me!
The stallion wasn’t taking no for an answer. “Oh, c’mon! Every other lad here got a dance!”
“I’m sorry, but I said no!”
“C’mooooon,” he leered. “Don’t you wanna move that flank?”
Fluttershy could take no more. Rarity didn’t want to dance, she wanted to talk with her marefriend! No more stallions were taking her mare away from her! Plus, this would be chivalrous, and Rarity loved chivalry! When you(or a friend) says no, make the other pony go! She trotted up toRarity and the stallion, and channelled all her assertiveness. “Excuse me?” she began, causing Rarity’s eyes to light up in appreciation.
The stallion turned. “Yeah?”
“She said no!” Her eyes met with his, daring him to make another move.
“Fine, fine. I’ll lay off your marefriend, geez. Just havin’ a bit of fun!” He withdrew, leaving him alone. Marefriend? How did he know?
Rarity, flustered, leapt in to soothe Fluttershy. “I’m sure he doesn’t really know about us, dearie! He’s simply a rude drunk!”
Before, Fluttershy didn’t want to let anypony else know about their relationship outside their friends. There’d be paparazzi, attention thrust onto the marefriend of the great fashion star Rarity. But now? She turned to her marefriend, and said, “What if I want him to know? What if I want everypony to know?”
“Fluttershy, it’s totally fine! I understand-”
She shook her head. “No, Rarity. Seeing all those stallions and mares flirt with you because they didn’t know you were mine- I mean, not mine, you’re your own mare, obviously, you’re just my marefriend.” Rarity only smiled at her marefriend’s adorable quirk. “But I want ponies to know that I have the most beautiful, generous, gorgeous, greatest pony ever! I can take the photos and attention and paparazzi if it means you know how much I-I love you.”
“Oh, Fluttershy …” she said with tears forming.
She smiled. “May I have this dance?” A nod, and they were off. It was not a fast song, not one that would normally drain their energy, nor transmit their passion for each other. But anypony observing could see the looks into each other’s eyes and see the perfect synchronization of steps, the other always certain what the other pony would do. They could see the pegasus laying her head onto the unicorn’s shoulder, looking as though she was safe from the worst monsters from Tartarus, and they could feel the very aura of these two ponies’ love go through the whole ball. And they would know, that these ponies were deeply, irrevocably in love.
I remember. I remember so much. I remember her pink mane, perfectly positioned to hide those beautiful eyes. I remember the fire that would light up in those eyes whenever a friend or animal was in danger. Some ponies thought I was intimidating; I’d like to see what they’d think if they caught Fluttershy’s ire.
I remember that first date. Where she bumbled her way through giving me flowers(she forgot to tell the bees to get out of em). The dinner, where she laid herself bare, babbling about such and such, always ending in some embarrassing detail of herself and an adorable blush and squeak. I remember that shy kiss on my cheek, so cautious and light yet felt more passionate and real than any makeout I’ve ever had. I remember going through that date and thinking that she was the most honest pony I had ever seen.
I remember the marriage. Run of the mill in all the right ways. She chose Rarity as her best mare and me, I chose Dash. It was small; we didn’t need any strangers or acquaintances judging us. Her birds sang a beautiful song, or so I was told. I couldn’t hear them over her walking down that aisle in one of Rare’s beautiful dresses and seeing the sheer love in her eyes. The thought that from that day I would get that love all for myself was the most awe inspiring feeling, I tell ya.
I remember her vows, thanking me for always supporting her and for carrying her above the rocky road. And I sure as sugar remember that kiss. Was the wildest one I’ve ever had. I guess-I guess she decided to forget about being shy for just one day, just to show everypony there just how much she loved me.
Now I suppose you’re expecting a happily ever after fairy tale, huh? Think we adopted plenty of kids, saw the apple farm grow to new heights together, and died at the same time like a buckin’ romance novel, huh? Life don’t turn out that way, my little pony. Life takes and takes and doesn’t give a damn what you want to keep. You learn that well. Just a few months after, Sweet Apple Acres was under attack by Timber Wolves. Twi said it was because their usual prey was growing sparser, I didn’t know and I didn’t care. They were tearing apart my farm and I wasn’t going to stand for it. Fluttershy begged me not to go, to wait for help, but the farm was on tough times. If those apples were destroyed, we might’ve gone under. I told her to stay inside while I dealt with em.
Not a day goes by where I don’t wish I had listened to her. I bucked those Timberwolves as if they were just another batch of apple trees. Most of em scattered, but one had snuck up on me and was about to get her deadly claws in me. But Shy? Shy didn’t listen to my order from before. She followed me and jumped right in front of that beast and took the hit. The next few moments were a blur, but I’m pretty sure I smashed its skull in. I checked on my gal and- and she was bleeding out. She wasn’t gonna make it. I yelled at her, told she shouldn’t have left, that she should’ve listened.
And she just said “I guess your stubbornness just rubbed off on me.” A weak smile and she was gone. Just like that.
That’s life. I remember. I remember because memories? Memories are all you’ve got in the end.
Dash knew Applejack quite well. Every athlete knows their rival better than their rival knows themselves. So Dash knew that after Dodge, Applejack would be pretty cruddy. And it was her job to cheer her up.
“Dash, just let me beat myself up in peace.”
“No way, Applejack! I know that you must feel like scum, losing all those contests, skipping town, tricking Pinkie, running away from us... Not to mention all the worry you caused us and your family, not knowing you were ok...”
“Gee, Dash, that speech there just made me feel right as rainbows again! Before you go, can you hand me a horseshoe? I need to bang myself over the head with it.”
Dash rolled her eyes. “Look, what I’m trying to say is, you must be feeling pretty crummy. And do you remember what we do when we feel crummy?”
Applejack perked up. “Drink?”
“Drink.” She nodded.
“I have some cider in the cellar.”
“No no no.” Rainbow shook her head. “When you’re wallowing in self pity, you don’t drink delicious cider! You drink watered down, nasty, awful beer at the most run down bar in town!”
AJ smiled. “Donny’s.”
“Yup! If we’re lucky, you might even get into a bar fight or two! Those always cheer you up!”
“No, Dash. My reputation with the town is low enough as is. Promise me you won’t drink; I need somepony to keep me from doing something embarrassing or bucking somepony in the mouth."
A disappointed sigh came out of the crucelean mare’s mouth. “Fine. Only for you, AJ. But what if they insult apples?”
“Then you let me.”
“Or if they say you’re fooling around with Big Mac and/or Applebloom?”
“Then you let me, but keep me from killing em.”
“And what if-”
“Dash, you know me well enough to decide when somepony deserves a buck in the teeth. I trust ya.”
“Cool. Let’s get drinking!”
Dash’s plan was working out perfectly. AJ was drinking and rambling about those darn Carrots. Not a single mention of Dodge. Alcohol. Who needed to talk it out when you had that?
“Dash?” AJ suddenly asked
“Hm?”
“This was a reaaaal good idea. I’m proud of ya. I know it must’ve hurt ya brain to come up with it.”
“Hey! It wasn’t that hard. Beer’s always on my mind.” AJ snorted and Dash smirked, happy she was keeping AJ happy.
“But seriously.” AJ began, sobered(in a certain use of the trem), “I really appreciate you doin’ this. Ponies like you an’ me don’t need no stupid wussy feelings! All we need is beer, and you understand that! Not like the others.”
“Yeah, no prob! I always know what you need.”
“And bringing me back from Dodge, I appreciate that too. You never gave up. Not for a second.”
Uh oh. Here comes feelings. “Well, yeah! you’re my main gal, AJ! I would’ve chased you anywhere!”
“I reeeeeally appreciate it,” AJ intoned in a sultry manner.
Uh oh. Here comes Flirtyjack. Or is she just tipsy? Always hard to tell.
“Is this the part where ya kiss?” interrupted a large Earth Pony stallion behind them. With him were a Pegasus and a Unicorn. Great, he has a posse. I can see where this is going.
“Shut your mouth. Didn’t ya family teach ya manners?”
“Is that- It’s Applejack! I heard about you and your family! You would know how families are supposed to act, wouldn’t ya?”
Implied incest. Strike one.
“Why I oughtta-” AJ almost hit him right there, only to be stopped by Dash.
“Hey, remember your reputation?”
The stallion snorted. “What reputation? Everypony knows your apples suck already!”
Badmouthing apples, strike two. Applejack seethed; Dash coulda sworn she saw steam come out of her ears. “AJ,” she cautioned. “You don’t want to give Apple Acres a bad name, right?”
“Yeah, ya did enough of that already! We heard about Dodge; the only thing you got first place in was being a loser!” He and his friends chuckled.
Annnd strike three; you’re gonna get knocked out!
AJ’s face was unusually passive, but Dash saw her clenching her drink with anger.
“What? Got nothing to say? Too busy mackin’ with your marefriend?” Oh, now he’s just repeating himself! “Whatever. C’mon, guys. Let’s put some real music on in this dump.”
“So,” Dash began as they turned away. “I guess you want the big guy. No prob; I could take out that scrawny Pegasus and that nerdy Unicorn pretty easy!”
“Dash, you don’t have to join in.”
“What, ya kiddin? This is exactly what I got you back for! The bar fights! Ten bits say I take out my guys first.”
“You’re on, sugacrube.” AJ threw a drink at the back of the stallion’s head and Dash tackled the Pegasus, starting yet another bar fight in Donny’s.
“Ugh!” Dash and Applejack simultaneously grunted as the bartender threw them out onto the hard concrete.
“This is the twelfth time you two busted up my bar! Twelfth time! Stay out, or next time I’ll call the cops!” he screamed before turning back into his bar.
“Heh, he says that every time but he never commits. Not the first stallion to do that, right AJ?” Dash joked. Eh, so they got kicked out of the bar. So what? AJ had a few drinks, they beat up a couple of jerks, and had the Dodge angst beaten out. Or, so she hoped. She spit out a tooth or two. That’s gonna need a visit to Zecora’s.
“Dash?” AJ asked out of concern.
Dash waved her off. “Just the usual damage, AJ. Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, I am worried! And as if spitting out teeth isn’t enough, you’ve got a shiner forming!”
“I do? Cool,” she breathed out with a grin. But AJ didn’t seem amused. “What’s wrong, AJ?”
“What’s wrong?” Applejack repeated sarcastically. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I left town and put my family and friends through heck! Applebloom must’ve been scared, and I heard Big Mac even cried! Cried! Because of me!”
“AJ-” Dash began, but the farmer continued before she could say anything.
“I forced my friends to come after me, then lied to em despite how much they wanted to help. I forgot Pinkie and Rarity back there, on top of that, and now I just led my best friend to a bar fight that knocked out some teeth and gave her a black eye! Why can’t I stop hurting everypony I care about!?” Applejack shouted, tears in her eyes.
In normal circumstances, AJ would never cry. She’d be too proud to, especially in front of her rival. So either this was the alcohol at work, or AJ really did feel awful about all this. Probably both. “AJ-”
“I just- I just don’t see why anypony should want to be around me!” And thus began the waterworks. Not all out bawling, but sniffles and some tears. This was so wrong.
“Now stop right there, AJ! You know I have a no bullcrap policy, and that is the biggest pile of bullcrap I’ve ever heard! Who wouldn’t want to be around you? You’re awesome! Who pushed herself to the limits trying to help her friends? Well?”
“Me,” she murmured.
“And who has saved the world twice?”
“Me.”
“But even that’s not the biggest reason why ponies should hang out with you, AJ! At least, it’s not mine. I hang out with you because, well, you… you make me a better pony.” She flushed slightly. “I look at you, and I see everything I hope to be. You’re loyal, honest, determined. You never give up on your friends, and you’re really patient with them. Heh, just the fact you’ve hung around me for this long proves that! And I know I’m not the best friend to have. I make fun of you guys, I get cocky, I get selfish. But I look at you and all of a sudden I just do all these amazing things!”
“Like-like getting me back home?” Applejack commented hopefully.
“Yeah! Before you came around, I wouldn’t have gone that far for anypony! But for you? I would have gone to the gates of Tartarus, Applejack! I would’ve bucked Cerberus in his snouts! So don’t you ask why anypony should hang out with you, because it should be dang obvious!” she huffed, crossing her hooves.
“Dash?”
“Yeah?” she responded irritably.
“Thank you. For everything.”
“Nah, forget about it. I mean, really, forget about it. If the Wonderbolts heard I gave out mushy heartwarming speeches, I’d lose all my street cred and any chance of joining them!”
Applejack snorted as they finally got on their feet, brushing themselves off. AJ trotted over to Dash. “But you were wrong about one other thing, Rainbow.”
“Yeah?” she asked, turning around to face an Applejack who was way too close to her mouth.
“You are the best friend a pony could have, and I bet you could be a fine something else, if you catch my meaning?”
“I-I-I...” Dash stuttered.
AJ leaned in, closed her eyes, and … nearly tumbled over as Dash sidestepped her and took her by the neck. “Dash?!”
“You are definitely way too drunk right now. I’m getting you home.”
“But Daaaaash!” she whined.
“Sorry, kinda a policy of mine not to take advantage of drunk ponies. I’m not a complete scumbag, after all.” She paused. “I’m not exactly sure how I feel about you … almost doing what you did, but I want to see if you still feel the same way sober and we’ll see how things go.”
“Fine,” the cowgirl grumbled as Dash supported her into the street.
“And besides,” Dash began, leaning into Applejack’s ear, “I bet you’d enjoy it a lot more sober anyway.”
AJ turned beet red, and Dash’s laugh echoed in the night.
Of Afros, Mustaches, and Leprechauns (Everypony, Comedy/Random)
“Ughhhhh,” Twilight groaned as she awoke from the cold hard floor of Sugarcube Corner. “What happened last night?” She surveyed her surroundings, and quickly noticed four of her best friends on the floor as well. “Ohhh, please don’t tell me we had a big orgy! The gossip columns are gonna be so smug about this!”
“Dear, could you please lower your voice, my head is killing me,” Rarity whine-, er, complained as she rose from the floor. Twilight gasped when she saw her face. “What dear? What is it? Is my mane green again? Is there something in my teeth? Did,” she gasped, “DID PINKIE PUT A FEZ ON MY HEAD I’LL KILL HER I SWEAR TO CELESTIA I WILL.”
“You-you have …”
“I need my mirror!” she levitated it out of her mane and gasped. “I have a mustache!?”
“I must’ve used spell 25 last night! Llet me-”
“No! Keep it! I look positively dapper! Why, if I were split in two at this very moment, oh the things I’d do to that mustache...”
“Don’t need that mental image.”
“I meant fashionwise, Twilight. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Woah girls, my head feels swirly and weird!” Pinkie exclaimed as she finally got on her feet.
“Your head always feels like that, I bet,” Dash snarked, still holding her head on the floor.
“Yeah, but it feels extra weird today!”
“Pinkie, darling, where’d you get that atrocious afro!? And that awful color scheme! And those horrid dots!” Rarity exclaimed, looking as though she was gonna puke.
“Huh?” Pinkie looked at herself, and Rarity was right, she was colored strangely. “I’m not really Pinkie right now, am I? I’m more like Circusey!”
“Now I really want to find out what happened last night,” Twilight commented.
“Detective time!” Pinkie exclaimed, putting on her detective face.
“No hats this time?”
“Silly Twilight, detective hats on a circus pony? That would be ridiculous! Now,” she put her hoof on her chin and pondered, “Obviously last night had some connection to the circus. What do we associate with the circus? There’s that catchy dadadada sound. There’s the afro. There’s the polka dots, and there’s the word. Hmmmm. Dadadada. Circus.” She explored the words, rolling them in her head. “Dadadada. Afro. Circus, afro, circus, afro, polka dot, polka dot, polka dot, afro! UGH!” Pinkie cried and slunk to the floor resignedly. “I have no idea how that has anything to do with last night!”
“Heh, who cares? You all look ridiculous and I have something to laugh about! Win win!” Dash chuckled.
“Dashie?”
“Yeah, Pinks?”
“You’ve got something on your wing.”
“Wha-” It was small, and green, with a peculiar orange beard. Its skin was white, and it looked out of this world.
“Ugh, I’m here at the end of the rainbow! Where be me gold!?” he yelled in a strange accent.
“Who the heck are you!?”
“Give me my gold, ya thief!” He conjured up a pick axe out of nowhere and began to hack at her wing.
“AGH!” she screamed. “Get him off get him off get him off!”
“Allow me, sugarcube!” AJ exclaimed, finally awake. The area including and surrounding her left eye was replaced with a metal plate, and her eye glowed red. This did not happen last night, but rather the night before. That was a funny tale. I’ll have to tell you it later.
Anywho, she shot a laser out of her eye at the strange creature on Rainbow’s wing. The creature deftly avoided it, causing it to instead hit Rainbow’s skin. “AJ! Watch where you're aiming!”
“Sorry!” She tried again, and the beast once again avoided it. This, along with the pain of the thing’s pickaxe, caused Dash to fly in a panic, desperately trying to shake her intruder off as well as avoid AJ’s laser. “Hold still, darn it!” the farmer exclaimed as they went into the kitchen.
Twilight was watching with a blank stare, while Rarity was too focused on her beautiful mustache to notice. Pinkie was fooling around with her afro.
“Shouldn’t we, um, help them?” Fluttershy commented from a chair she was sitting on.”
“Fluttershy? How come you seem just fine?”
“Oh, I was the designated trotter.”
“So you must know what happened!”
“Um, no. I was completely sober and even I have no idea what happened last night. I don’t think mere mortals like us are supposed to remember what happened last night.”
“Huh,” Twilight muttered conversationally. “Just another night in Ponyville.”
I know what you’re thinking. ‘Rarity, what is wrong with you? How could you lure sweet innocent Pinkie away from one of your best friends, the loving Twilight Sparkle?’ You must think me a monster, a witch, several worse and unclassy words that I cannot dare to think of? Am I not the most generous mare in Ponyville? Should I not be happy to let Pinkie enjoy her love? But that’s the thing, dears. Love corrupts, and love blinds.
I suppose I should begin with why I did it. What was it about Pinkie that attracted me so, that led me to commit such sin? She is but a lowly baker, with not a care about how she looks. Why, her hair is the messiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. But despite what some say, I am not shallow. I see the blue eyes, open, inviting and beautiful like the sky that inspired so many dresses. I see the mane, normally a sign of a lazy pig, but in her case, shows the best of her, her very essence, without even trying like I do with mine.
And above all else, I see her generosity. She cheers up anypony, no matter who they are or how they treated her. Pinkie lets them in to her loving aura. All other thoughts are pushed out of her mind as she’s consumed with the need to comfort one crying filly or lonely old stallion. Everything she does, every hop, skip, and a jump, is for another pony. For Equestria. I could give away a million dresses and never come close to that sheer generosity.
And Twilight, that oblivious superior egghead, could never appreciate her like I do. I know, is that not a cruel thing to think of a dear friend? Perhaps. But I know Twilight like few other ponies, and while she is as great as they say, she is also worse than they could imagine. The fool could never really figure out just how much everything she did meant to Pinkie. Every ‘Stupid’, muttered under her breath, every irritated yell, every angry rant- I could see it. I could see piece by piece of Pinkie’s heart just, floating away.
And every time, she came to me for comfort. Every time, I tried to undo the damage that idiot did to my wonderful baker. Every time, I tried to show Pinkie just how much she meant to me through words, but she never did! She was blinded by a purple haze of a pony who doesn’t deserve a single iota of her love! A SINGLE IOTA!
Sorry, that was unladylike of me. My words did not show her, no matter how eloquent or earnest they were. So, on one bad night, I decided action was worth a million words, and I kissed her. I expected to be pushed back, to be yelled at for trying to tear her and Twilight apart.
Instead? She kissed me back. Passionately, energetically, unreservedly. Like everything I had imagined. I knew she wasn’t ready to leave Twilight, not yet, so of course I played along when Pinkie said it was a mistake, that it would never happen again. And when it did enough times, of course I agreed we wouldn’t tell anypony. But I really did think she loved me. I really did think it was going to change Pinkie for the better.
But I have keen eyes, built up by years of dressmaking. And I could see in every movement, every laugh, and in her very eyes, she didn’t love me. At least, not like I do her. And nothing changed with Twilight either. They still fought like mad, Pinkie still cried her eyes out, and I could still see pieces of her precious heart float away every time.
It had to stop. Not me and Pinkie, no. What we had was wrong, yes. But Pinkie and Twilight were worse. And I truly love Pinkie with all my heart, please believe that. So I used my brain, my keen manipulation skills, to break them apart. It was too easy, sneaking behind Pinkie’s back. I had insisted on making Twilight another dress, a more formal one for academic gatherings and such. I told her I’d have it for her on Thursday, around 8 PM. After a bit of resistance and a bit of over exuberant pleading on my part, she agreed, blind to my plan. Her naivety, her wide eyed trust in me almost made me back out, but then I remembered all the tears my dear Pinkie had unleashed because of her and my resolve hardened.
Pinkie was easy as well; to her, meeting at my boutique was just another rendezvous. And so, Pinkie came to my boutique, one thing led to another, and we began to ‘make out’ as it were. And just as I had planned, Twilight barged in through a conveniently unlocked door, calling out “Rarity! I’m here for my dre-” and then her eyes caught us, horrified and heartbroken, tears at the brim. It was both delicious revenge and an awful crime.
Pinkie tried to stop her with a “Wait!” but Twilight was already out the door. Pinkie ran off after her, leaving me alone.
I can still hear you, you know. ‘You harlot, you charlatan, you selfish, wicked, homewrecking witch,' you hiss. But I know my Pinkie's no idiot. Twilight's comment about a dress will register in her mind. She will know that I orchestrated the breakup. And she will hate me for it. I know she will never talk to me again, and I accept that. Because someday, thanks to me, Pinkie will find that loving, perfect mare she deserves, and no matter how much I wish it to be me, I will be incredibly happy for her. And is that not true generosity?
Underneath that blue sky, sitting on that empty grassland, Scootaloo had the strangest feeling that life wasn’t her biggest fan. It wasn’t enough to have small, unable to fly wings. Neither was being a blank flank longer than everypony else in her class, besides Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. And just letting her off with being bullied pretty much her whole life wasn’t bad enough. Noooo, life just had to take away the one thing that kept her going; the hope for a totally radical cutie mark. Something like an orange lightning bolt, or a wheel surrounded by clouds of lightning, or skulls on fire(though Scootaloo didn’t want to think about what her talent would be with a cutie mark like that). Basically, it had to be cool. It had to be something Rainbow Dash would respect. Instead? Instead she got a stinking chicken for a cutie mark!
Oooh, yeah, go ahead, laugh it up. Everypony else did. Scootaloo can hear you, you know. ‘Oh, so Applebloom was right! In a way, You are a chicken!’. Scootaloo would surely applaud your wit, if she was not so astounded by your originality. Here’s the story, alright?
One of Fluttershy’s chickens had gotten loose, this time it was totally not her and her friends fault. Scootaloo had found it with its foot caught underneath a small log. To its credit, it didn’t stop and whine. It kept trying, even though it didn’t have the strength to get out.
Scootaloo had to help it. She has an affection for underdogs, considering she’s been one her whole life. It was what got her to get those bullies off Sweetie Belle, and it was what got her to stand up for Applebloom. The only difference was, those were two of the best decisions she’s ever made. This turned out to be the worst. Anyway, she went right up and used her all of her strength to get the log off the chicken. While she succeeded, the foot wasn’t looking too good. It was sprained, and had a few cuts. The chicken couldn’t move.
But Scootaloo’s time on her scooter had taught her how to have a level head and how to think on your feet when things went wrong. But this was different. Somehow, seeing that poor chicken’s foot set off her autopilot. She was just filled with a desire to help it.
“Stay right here, chicken,” she soothed(yeah, she actually soothed something. Awful, right?). She went off, got a couple of leaves, and used them to help the cuts and support the foot. Then she put the chicken on her back and trotted to Fluttershy’s. The chicken bawked disgruntledly. “Hey, I get it. I don’t like being carried around and coddled either, chicken. But you deserve it. I mean, being under that log for all that time and still fighting to get out? That’s so cool! You are one cool chicken.”
The chicken crowed proudly, and stopped struggling or whining for the rest of the trip. In fact, it even laid its head on Scootaloo’s neck. It felt pretty … good(Please don’t tell anypony; she’s lost enough of her street cred as is). She got to the hut, where Fluttershy was all ‘Oh, Scootaloo! Thank you so much! You’re a real hero!’. Scootaloo had blushed, acted humble, and she was ready to call it a day. Then Fluttershy pointed out that there was a cutie mark on her flank. Scootaloo looked upon it with eager eyes and … let out the biggest scream she ever had in her life.
So that’s the story of how she got the cutie mark that nopony could help laughing at, not the bullies, not her friends, not the teacher. Even Dash couldn’t hold it in. That’s the story of how she was working under Fluttershy to better ‘utilize her talent’. And she had tried her best, honestly. She had tried to pay attention, to be respectful towards Fluttershy and her work. But when you’re forced to stay on the ground to help animals because of a cutie mark that everyone laughs at when your wings ache to fly into the sky, can you blame her for exploding? She doesn’t even remember what set her off, or what she said. All she can remember is the tears on Fluttershy’s face, and trotting as fast as she could out of that hut.
And there Scootaloo sat on the open grassland under the blue sky, wallowing in self pity and self loathing. It wasn’t her style, usually. But she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t play cool, be strong, not anymore. Not when she was just a big chicken. So she cried. She cried hard. But life’s a jerk, as you’ve seen, so it wasn’t enough for her to be bawling, no. Her idol had to catch her doing it.
“Hey, Scoots!” She called as she landed near her. Her face seemed angry at first, probably because she heard what Scootaloo did to Fluttershy, but she softened when she saw her crying. “Scoots, it’s okay,” she comforted, trotting up and placing a wing on her shoulder. “We all make mistakes, dude.”
“Mistakes?!” Scootaloo cried. “This cutie mark is a mistake! This talent is a mistake! My whole life is a mistake!”
“Stop right there, Scoots,” Dash said in a tone that brooked no argument. “You are not a mistake. You are the coolest filly I know, kay? And I’m not gonna let you beat yourself up. Nopony can do that to my biggest fan, you included.”
“Cool,” Scootaloo snorted in disbelief. “Cool would be having a cutie mark that was flying. Cool would be able to fly with you. Instead I have the lamest cutie mark and talent ever.”
“Lamest!?” Dash exclaimed in disbelief. “Listen, Scoots. You have an amazing talent.”
“Don’t lie to me Dash.”
“I’m not! Listen, flying’s cool, sure. We do a bunch of tricks, make you go ‘ooh’ and ‘aaah’. But what you do? You help a momma chicken, or baby rabbit, or whatever, get back to their family! You help them live! Every moment they eat or play or do anything, it’s because you helped them! They wouldn’t have been able to do any of that without you. I can’t even come close to affecting a life like that!”
“And that’s … cool?” Scootaloo asked hopefully.
“So cool. Now c’mon, you owe Fluttershy an apology. Don’t worry,” Dash comforted when she saw Coots fearful face, “Fluttershy’s the most forgiving pony I know, and I’ll be right there with you, Scoots.”
“Thanks, Dash,” she beamed. “But you’re wrong.”
“About what?”
“About not even coming close to effecting a life like that. Because you sure as heck changed my life for the better.”
Scoots could swear she saw some tears in Dash’s eyes. Must be from flying. “Heh. T-thanks.” She wiped her eyes. “Come along, little chicklet.”
Scootaloo decided right then and there that Dash was the only pony who could call her chicken. She loved her for that.
Of Plants and Puns. Or; A Shameless Attempt to Win Donny's Affections (Applejack, Daring Do, and Dash, Comedy)
“It’s Applejack,” AJ grumbled at Daring Do for what seemed like the thousandth time. When the adventurer had just burst into her farm out of nowhere, it was an understatement to say she was surprised. But then Do revealed that Dash had been kidnapped, and her surprise was immediately replaced with a drive to get Dash back. Besides, she had seen weirder things than a fictional character turning out to be real; if she let those kind of things faze her, she would’ve gone crazy ages ago. They had fought off snakes and other deadly beasts, flew over deep and wide caverns, and passed a cuteness test(the last one was the most difficult, mostly because of darn embarrassing it was). Finally, they were at the large door which led to the kidnappers’ lair.
“Don’t worry, Snapcracklepop! We’ll get your friend back from my dastardly nemesis. Whatever she’s planning for Dash, it can’t be good!” She pushed open the door, ignoring AJ’s irritated correction, and she and the farmer entered the empty lab. Suddenly, the doors slammed shut behind them, and they were enveloped in total darkness. Then a single ray of light emerged, focusing on a red mare with her back turned back to them, with a brown mane and a pink highlight. Her cutie mark was a nuclear symbol, an indication of her talent at nuclear physics and her endless energy for crime.
She turned slowly to face them. “Why if it isn’t my nemesis Daring Do, and her friend Fluttersh-” she sputtered off as she noticed Fluttershy was missing. “Applejack!? But-wha- how!? How did you get past the cuteness test!?”
“I nibbled on my hat a little.”
“Of course! How could I have not foreseen this? All this was for nothing! I captured Dash in order to finally meet best pony, not most okay pony.”
The lights slowly came on together, thanks to her henchman Die A Bolical, who had pulled the lever. He was a villainous green, with a dashing goatee and intriguing spectacles. His cutie mark was, oddly enough, quill and ink, representation of his writing skills and how he uses his quill for evil, I suppose? “I was banking on Pinkie Pie, personally.”
“Pinkie would’ve been better than Applejack! She’s boring!”
“Still right here, ya know.”
“No matter, I suppose I’ll just dispose of you two and wait for Dash’s true rescuer to appear. Die A Bolical! Release,” a pause for dramatic effect, “the plant cyborgs!”
He nodded, and pulled another lever, causing plant pots with robotic claws and legs to descend from the sky.
“Really?” Applejack questioned. “Is this supposed to be intimidating?”
“That’s what I said!”
“Die A Bolical! I’ve told you, do not undermine me in front of the heroes! It makes me look bad!”
“Because you weren’t doing a good enough job of that yourself,” Daring Do snarked. “Let’s take these things out, Babblewack!”
“It’s Appleja-” A plant lunged at Applejack’s face, and she barely dodged it. It scratched her leg as it twisted during her fall. She winced.
“Well, it seems like that one just won’t leaf Applejack alone! Eh? Eh?” Professor Pop joked.
“That was awful,” Die A Bolical replied.
“Everyone’s a critic. Okay, how about ‘these plants are so scary, they’ll leave you looking green!’”
“That was even worse,” he commented, the two of them completely ignoring the fight.
“Okay then, oh holy punmaster, what do you have?”
“Um, let me think,” he scratched at his chin while Daring Do was flung into a wall. “How about ‘These ivys are deadlier than poison!’”
A beat. Then Professor Pop cracked up, her snickering and cackling echoing throughout the lab. “Really? Really?”
Die A Bolical flushed. “Hey! You’re the evil mastermind here. You’re the one who’s supposed to come up with the puns!”
“Hey!” Daring Do yelled, irritated amidst the plant cyborg wreckage. Her clothes were banged up, and her hat had several tears. “Did you see any of that? It was amazing! Deadliest fight of my life!”
“Well, I’m sorry, Mrs. Equestria, but we’re talking about more important things here. Puns are a legendary and respected art.” Professor Pop informed her. Dia A Bolical rolled his eyes at the archaeologist.
“I am going to enjoy bucking you two into next Thursday,” AJ said through gritted teeth. She and Daring Do leaped at the two heavily outmatched villains.
“I’ve got them nice and tight under my lasso.” AJ said as she finished tying them up.
“I had no idea you were into those things, Applejack,” the professor lewdly replied. The two criminals snickered.
“Really, Daring? Really? These two are your nemesises?”
“Nemesi.”
“Nemeses,” Die A Bolical corrected.
“And villains are in rare supply nowadays. We can’t all have Discords and Nightmare Moons, I’ll take what I can get! Now let’s get Dash out of here.”
“She’s in that door over there,” the villainess indicated to the left with her head.
“If you did anything to her-” Applejack threatened.
“She’ll be fine, BJ,” Daring Do assured. The two trotted over to the door, AJ’s heart pounding, fearing what prison or torture these monsters put Dash through. They opened it, only to find …
A perfectly normal waiting room, where Dash was flipping through a magazine. She looked up and gasped. “AJ? Daring? You two are here to see the Wonderbolts too?”
“I should’ve known that’s how they’d catch you,” AJ grumbled.
“You mean I’ve been tricked? C’mon! That’s just dirty. Well, all’s well that ends well. I can’t wait to see Pinkie and tell her how much I miss her-”
“Wait,” Do stopped her. She put her hoof into the back of Dash’s neck and pulled off a small black object. “Shipping chip. They do it every time!”
“Die A Bolical! I was going to use that on Fluttershy so she’d finally realise that the charming bumbling mailmare Derpy is her one true love!”
“But I needed Dash to see Pinkie was the pony for her first!”
Fluttershy relaxed on her nice, comfortable, non-scary couch. This year’s Nightmare Night would be perfectly fright free. She hated this holiday. Last year was only slightly better than usual because she made a new friend, but it still scared her halfway to death. Nope, this year would be calm, relaxing. Perfect. Nothing could go wro-
Loud, hurried knocks hit the door. Why did I think that I jinxed it stupid Fluttershy stupid!
“Friend Fluttershy! We need your help! Please open thy door!” the regal voice of Princess Luna begged. Fluttershy relaxed. It’s just a friend. Luna doesn’t dress any differently this night. It’s ok. She trotted over to the door, put on a welcoming smile, and opened it …
To be hit by a ball of confetti that Luna barely managed to dodge.
“Curses! Me canon missed those landlubbers!” a gruff, yet strangely familiar, voice called from above.. “Reload the cannon, me first mate!” Fluttershy drowsily opened her eyes to see Pinkie and Pipsqueak in pirate outfits on Twilight’s balloon, seemingly preparing to fire again. I hate Nightmare Night!
Luna picked Fluttershy off the ground. “My friend, a terrible thing has transpired. For some reason, our friends have been acting out their costumes! I cannot tell you how awkward it felt to be propositioned by ponies in bunny outfits!”
“I-I,” Fluttershy squeaked out, only to be interrupted by a cackle from above.
“I smell fresh pony blood, and not from the pink pirate! Far too much sugar from my taste!” Rarity? Her voice appeared to be coming out a bat. “But you two, yes. You shall be most fitting as my first pony feast!”
“First Mate Pipsqueak! We have that demon of Tartarus attacking again! Let us send it back to whence it came!”
“Aye aye Pinkie!” Pipsqueak fired the cannon at the bat, but Rarity deftly avoided it.
“Fine! I shall deal with you first!” She flew up to the balloon and morphed back to pony form, and landed gracefully between them. The pirates drew their swords and charged at the vampire.
“I-I...” I hate Nightmare Night!
“This is not the worst of it, Fluttershy. Neigh, these are the easy ones.”
As if to confirm Luna’s words, a dark voice rang from her roof. “Evildoers, desist. Your terrorizing of the innocent ponies of Ponyville ends tonight! For I! AM! BATMARE!” Twilight glided to the balloon, throwing a batarang that caused Pipsqueak to accidentally swerve the balloon towards Fluttershy’s and Luna’s direction.
Paralyzed by fear and disbelief, Fluttershy could only utter one thing. “I HATE NIGHTMARE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”
The group sat in an uncomfortable, almost silent waiting room. Dash was hopping around in her seat, wanting to do something, anything to help. Spike was running through each doomsday scenario. Rarity was constantly tending to her mane, and whispering constant reassurances to both herself and the little dragon. AJ and Fluttershy, in contrast, seemed perfectly fine, both used to the event of childbirth.
Finally, a doctor opened the doors. “We’re finished. You can see them now, if you like.”
He barely finished his sentence before they all sped past them, eager to see their friends and the new addition to their strange family. They went into the operation room, and both Pinkie’s and Twilight’s faces lit up.
“Girls!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Say hello to Chimi Changa!” The ponies(and dragon) barely registered the strange name as they took a look at the new born.
“Awwww,” they said simultaneously. A sigh from Twilight broke them from the baby spell.
“Pinkie, I’ve told you, we are not naming her Chimi Changa!”
“But Chimi Changa is a respected and legendary name, passed down through the ages! And besides, I’m the one who went through all that super duper pain!”
“Wait wait wait,” Dash interrupted. “You haven’t named your kid yet? The answer should be obvious! Who was the reason you two met in the first place?”
“We are not naming our child Rainbow Dash,” Twilight deadpanned.
“Besides, Dashie, she’s not even rainbow! She’d have to be Purple Dash, and that doesn’t have the same ring to it!”
“Fine, fine, just throwing it out there! No respect, no respect I tell ya,” she grumbled.
“What about Posey!” Fluttershy excitedly exclaimed, frightening the whole room. She blushed. “Sorry, I just really like the name Posey.”
“Posey! Like Ring Around the Rosey!” Pinkie commented, seemingly excited about the idea.
“No! No offence to you, Dash, and Fluttershy, but our child needs a respectable name, a name that will let other ponies know how amazing she is!”
“This coming from a mare named Twilight Sparkle,” Dash staged whispered, causing a few chuckles while Twilight’s face turned an embarrassed red.
“I could send you all out right now if I want to!”
“Relax, darling, she’s only fooling. Twilight Sparkle is a fine name,” Rarity soothed. “Now, a name. you need … a name,” she said dramatically. “A shame she’s not a colt, there’s so many valiant colt names I could think of. Hmmmm, how about … Purple Flower!” The room looked at her disbelievingly. “Because... she’s purple. And like a flower, she... bloomed into your lives, making it happier and fresher!”
“Suddenly, Posey’s looking like a fantastic name,” Twilight sarcastically enthused.
“Well, excuse me! I thought you ponies would have some taste!” she harrumphed herself over to the corner.
“Now, now, you are all going about this the wrong way!” AJ butt in. “You can’t overthink a name. A name should just come to you, when you look into that cute little baby’s eyes. It should just pop into your head, the first thing you think of, and that’s the perfect name.”
“How come I get the feeling that your parents not thinking about your name is how you got the name Applejack?” Dash joked.
“Applejack is a fine name! You take that back!”
Twilight blocked out the argument, instead looking at Spike. “Spike? You’ve been unusually quiet,” she commented motherly.
“Yeah, Spikey! it’s not like our little dragon to not be making little jokes! Go on, riff on AJ’s name! everybody’s doing it!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Hey!”
Spike tore his eyes away from his new sister. “I was just thinking, y’know? Twi, you-you guys are all Elements of Harmony, right? That’s what brought you together, made you guys a family. What about Harmony?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect,” Twilight said, while Pinkie and the others nod in agreement. “Our little Harmony. Gonna make our lives perfect.” She nuzzled her baby.
“Harmony? I like that! welcome to the family, squirt!”
“Harmony! How regal!”
“That’s beautiful.”
“I promise to keep that Harmony away from any stallion or mare trouble, Twi.”
“You better, AJ, cause my little Harmony’s gonna turn heads so much they’re gonna turn into helicopter propellers! Oooh what if that’s her talent! That would be so cool!” as they all laughed at Pinkie’s antics, they all knew that the good days would only get better from here.
Rarity (Rarity-obviously enough- and 9th Doctor Whooves, Crossover/Comedy)
Rarity was engulfed in her work; she worked furiously, tirelessly, for this was going to be her magnum opus! She could feel it in her bones! When this dress was finished, it would dazzle all who set their eyes on it. Everypony would want one, especially the important ponies, and she’d shoot to the top of the fashion ladder! So she could not stop. Would not stop! She needed this constant energy to flow, to build that picture of the perfect dress she envisioned in her head. If she stopped for even one instant, one fleeting second, one momentary… er, moment, it could be gone, replaced with a similar, surely fabulous dress. But it wouldn’t be that perfect dress.
Perhaps her obsession with that dress was what allowed her to brush so closely with death. Her attacker moved up slowly, surely, as she frantically murmured and stitched. It lifted its arm, aimed, and fired.
“Ooof!” Rarity shouted as she was pushed out of the way by a mysterious pony. She looked up to see who had done it and saw a stallion with large ears, a black leather jacket to go with his black fur and hair. And he had a Cutie Mark of a hourglass. “Who are you, and why did you ruin my dress!?”
“One, I’m the Doctor-”
“Doctor who?”
“Just the Doctor, and two, I just saved your life! A little appreciation would be nice!”
“Saved me from what?”
“That!” he pointed. She followed his hoof to see-
“My mannequin!? Is this a prank? Did Pinkie put you up to this! Well it’s not funny! This was a very important dress!”
“Ugh,” The Doctor uttered with disgust. “You ponies, all wrapped up in your friendship bollock to see that there are a lot of things beyond your happy go lucky, self centered utopia. And a lot of those things want you lot dead!”
The mannequin decided to stop faking, knowing its gig was up. It started moving towards them, and soon her other mannequins followed.
“Working in a dress store during an Auton invasion. Now that’s just bad luck,” The Doctor commented.
Rarity, meanwhile, was panicking. “Okay, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash. This was very, very funny! Please stop now!” she pleaded.
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not a prank! Your mannequins really are aliens from outer space who are living plastic and decided to infiltrate your planet by meandering in your dress stores! What’s so hard to believe?” The Doctor paused for a moment, then shrugged. “Okay, so that is a little hard to believe. But that only makes it all the more exciting when it turns out to be the truth!” He flashed her a manic grin, which for some reason did not avail Rarity’s fears.
The mannequins were edging nearer, their hooves lifting up, then their forehooves lifting back to reveal their firing compartment.
“Then what do we do, Doctor?!”
“Well, I’ll tell you, miss- what’s your name again?”
“We’re in a bit of a situation here!” she hissed.
“Doesn’t mean all manners go flyin’ out the door! Here I thought you a lady! An annoying, screeching lady, but a lady nonetheless!”
“Fine! It’s Rarity!”
“There, was that so hard?”
“I hate you. I’ve only known you for a few minutes and I already hate you with every fiber of my being.”
“And right when I thought we were becoming mates! Alas!” The Doctor overdramatically shouted. “Anyway, I’ll tell ya what we’re going to do, Miss Rarity. First, we’re gonna... duck!” The Doctor and Rarity hit the deck as the Axon fired, hitting some of the others and taking them out of commission. The Doctor grabbed his Sonic Screwdriver out of his jacket and quickly used it to take out the rest. He heard Rarity moan.
“Not Reggie!” she wailed, overlooking one of her shot former mannequins. “He was my favorite!”
The Doctor shot her a look of disbelief as he put his screwdriver back in his jacket. “Now to get down to proper business!” He grabbed a square device out of his jacket. Rarity’s eye twitched.
“What is that?”
“It’s a bomb,” he said cheerfully.
“Where are you going to put it?” Rarity asked with a hitch in her voice.
“In your basement,” she said just as cheerfully, giving her another grin.
“What!?” she screeched.
“Gotta stop the invasion here. I’m guessing you have a lot more of those things in storage, am I right?”
“P-perhaps, but you can’t just-”
“Sorry, I can, I will, and I have to. This is where the second part of my plan comes in, Rarity. You probably won’t ever see me again, regardless of whether or not I get out of here alive. So keep this one, sage piece of advice with you at all times. Run.” He gave her the biggest grin of his so far as he sprinted off down the stairs. Once Rarity’s mind caught up, she quickly did the same, grabbing all the materials, dresses, dress plans, and surely harmless and deactivated mannequin pieces she could, before running and screaming like a madwoman out her door.
As she watched her life’s work, her home blown to smithereens, the flames touching the sky, Rarity made an oath. “I will find you, Doctor, and you are going to explain yourself!” she bellowed into the open sky. And in her arms, a mannequin leg ever so slightly twitched.
Twilight the Vampire Slayer (Twilight and Pinkie, Fantasy)
Twilight sighed. She had to skip another of Pinkie’s party and disappoint all her friends again, and then she had to do her routine job. This attack wasn’t even fun! A stallion roared behind her atop a tombstone, but he was quickly silenced by a magically propelled stake to the heart, and he melted away into dust.
“Ugh, could you guys please give more of a fight? At this rate, I won’t bother to mention you in my letter to Celestia.” Two vampires leaped at her from the shadows, but they were easily stopped in the air. “You know, I actually feel kinda sorry for you guys,” she commented, lifting them in tandem with her mannerisms. “My magic isn’t the exactly the most fair thing in the world, is it?” She sheepishly smiled and blushed, and the vamps shrugged in confusion. “You know what, Princess Celestia told me to keep practicing my close range training and not rely on pure magic all the time!” She dropped the two on the ground, and patiently waited for them to get back up.
“You are one weird Slayer,” one of them commented as he made his way to his feet.
“A vampire’s calling me weird. What has become of my life?” Twilight deadpanned. “You two ready?”
“Are you ready … to die?” one growled, charging at Twilight. She countered him with a leg sweep, sending him crashing to the ground. She pinned him on the ground with her hoof.
“Really? You actually said that? That is possibly the most cliche thing I have ever heard you things say, and I have heard a lot of cliche things.”
“She’s right, friend. That was awful,” the other vamp put in.
“Yeah, those are awful last words. Do over?” the downed vamp asked with a smile.
“You can do your life over... in Tartarus! See? See how bad it would be if we all spoke in cliches? I hope I taught you a valuable lesson about being original that you can take with you on your actual trip to Tartarus.” With that, she staked him, leaving only one vamp left. “So.”
“So.”
“You know you’re horribly outmatched, right?”
“Yup.”
“Probably will be taken out in a minute or two, and that’s me being generous.”
“It’s good not to lose hope. Sometimes an opportunity appears when you least expect it.”
“Well, that’s a good attitude for a vampi-”
“Twilight?” a confused, slightly scared voice uttered. No. No! They weren’t supposed to find out! She turned around to the voice’s source and found Pinkie Pie, looking startled and disoriented. “What are you doing? You just-you just stabbed a pony! And you laughed about it! And-and then he just went poof, into dusties, and just was sucked up into the wind like a vacuum! What’s going on?”
“The vamp, meanwhile only grinned at Twilight. “See? An opportunity just appears out of nowhere.” He backflipped all the way to Pinkie’s position, grabbed her, and bared his teeth near her throat. “You don’t want your little friend dying, do ya? Or worse? Wouldn’t it just be a hoot to see you kill one of your own friends, all vampified and such? It’d be just like one of those tragic novels I loved so very much as a colt.” Twilight, meanwhile, only kept silent, glaring at the vampire. “What, no more jokes? The Slayer finally serious?”
“Yeah.” Twilight quickly lifted up a nearby shovel with her magic, and swiftly and brutally decapitated him, causing him to dissolve into dust. “Nopony messes with my friends.” Twilight rushed over to Pinkie’s side, where she was coughing and breathing heavily. “Pinkie, are you okay?”
“What is going on!?” she desperately hissed. “I just wanted to find out why you were skipping my parties lately. I was afraid you didn’t like them anymore, so I followed you and saw you just kill two ponies, only they looked funny, and not the good ha ha funny but the bad scary funny and they keep calling you a Slayer which I thought was just a cool band but apparently not and I am freaking out Twilight, freaking out!” Pinkie frantically babbled.
Twilight sighed. “I didn’t want any of you to know about this. But now it can’t be helped. I need you to Pinkie Promise not to tell the others about what happened here and what I’m about to tell you, at least not until I give the ok to do so. Kay?”
“I-I don’t know Twilight, this is a pretty big secret...”
“Pinkie, please,” Twilight earnestly pleaded.
Pinkie could never resist those purple eyes, begging her for something. She gave a weak smile. “Okay. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
Twilight smiled in return. “Thank you. Don’t interrupt me till I’m done, okay?” pinkie nodded. “Ok, I’m-I’m a Vampire Slayer. Have been for a long time, even back in Canterlot. There’s a prophecy, about girls like me. ‘Into every generation a Slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number. She is the Slayer,’” she recited. “That’s me. One day, out of the blue at the academy, I just felt so different, so much stronger than I did before. My magic, my muscles, my mind. All of it seemed stronger than it was before. Celestia noticed, and she quickly confirmed it. I was the Slayer. She trained me even harder than before, and not just about magic or history anymore. How to fight, how to survive, how to kill. It’s an important duty I can’t shirk. The only reasons Celestia let me stay here is along with the fact that it is a good idea to keep the Elements together, Ponyville is a supernatural hotspot. A lot of trouble happens here, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.
‘I’m not a monster, I’m not! I’m still me, and I’m saving pony lives! You gotta believe me, Pinkie! I’m not a murderer!”
“I-wow.” Pinkie, for once, was left speechless. “That’s one wowzer of a story, Twilight. It’s a lot for my little Pinkie brain to take in. But we have seen crazier stuff than this together, am I right Twi? I believe you and I’m with ya a hundred percent, no a hundred and twenty percent, no-”
“I get what you’re saying, Pinkie,” she said with a giggle. “And thank you, for not seeing me as a freak or something.”
Pinkie gasped. “Never!”
“Well, now you know my life story. Now if you could let me get back to my work-”
“Nuh uh.” pinkie shook her head. “You are not going to risk your life alone, not while the Pinkster can help!”
“No, I’m not risking your life.”
“I’ve risked it on more dangerous missions with you than this, Twi. I can help! I’m spry, flexible, leapy! I got weird powers! I could really help!”
“No!! You don’t know how to fight these things!”
“Then teach me! Plus, I could be your researcher, get you all the intel about your dastardly foes! I’m crazy good at that, you remember how I found the Elements of Harmony book and that time scroll, right?”
“Pinkie-”
“Twi, we know this is gonna go only one way! Either you give in now, or I just annoy you till you do!” Pinkie happily chirped.
Twilight sighed. She was right; Pinkie would never give up on this. And having an extra assistant along with Spike would help a lot. And-and there would be somepony she could share her burdens with, somepony she could talk to, could show her inner fears to. That sounds... nice. “Okay, Pinkie. You’re in!”
“Yay!” she shouted, bouncing into the air. “Twi and Pinks, vampire fighting duo! Can I get a cool name like yours? Like, ‘Pinkie, the Vampire Slayer’s Assistant. There’s one of those in every generation right?”
Twilight couldn’t help but smile at her friend. “If there isn’t, there should be.” She had a feeling things were gonna get a bit more exciting now.
Pokerface (Spike and Twilight, Raripie and TwiPie, Sad)
Spike is not an idiot. He’s not. Twilight Sparkle, the smartest, bookwormingest unicorn in all of Equestria, doesn’t raise no fools, after all. He knew that Rarity did not and could not see him the way he saw her. She wouldn’t think of him as a knight in shining armor, or a dashing rogue, or any of those cliches. He heard the pet names, the cutesy wootsy tone. He was a little brother, and all he got most of the time was ‘My adorable Spikey Wikey’ or ‘Who’s my wittle prince?”. Just like most ponies, really. He was a baby dragon, not let in to the big, serious conversations. Not let into the meaningful moments, the bonding adventures. Not most of the time, anyway.
Which was why those rare, rare moments when Rarity looked at him and saw a man, not a boy, or when she treated him with respect, or when she dropped the cutesy tone and got real meant so much to him. It made him believe that, just maybe, he had a chance. A baby dragon can dream, can’t he?
No, he can’t. Not forever. Eventually, you gotta wake up. And his was a rude awakening, that morning. That morning, Rarity and Pinkie Pie told everypony they were together, and his sweet dreams ended. But he’s Spike, the comic relief. Plaster on a smile, say you moved on already, and everypony accepts it. Even Twilight. If only his dang heart would too.
It was that that kept him up late this night, that refused to let him go to the saccharine world of dreams where the impossible happens, and the painful world of nightmares where the reality is thrown back at you tenfold. Instead, he was stuck in between, in Equestria, with the dull pain of heartbreak. A snack. That’s all I need. A nice, tasty snack and then I’ll be out like a light. So he got out of his bed, barely registering that Twilight wasn’t in hers, opened the door, and made way to the kitchen. And it was there he came upon a peculiar sight.
Twilight was there, sitting on a chair, holding some book. This alone was not out of the ordinary; this is Twilight, after all. But what made it peculiar was that she was crying. Not the crying she’d do at the end of a good book, or at a character’s death or the like. She was honestly crying. He had not seen Twilight cry like that in so long. He has vague memories of a little filly, crying in Celestia’s castle after a bad day at school. But then she closed herself off, and cried no more. Then when they got to Ponyville, she was just so happy, so content. There was barely any unhappy days here. The closest he had seen her get to this was during their first Winter Wrap Up, at AJ’s harsh words. But this was not the same. Spike knew these tears well. He’s not an idiot, after all. These were the tears of a broken heart.
“Twi?” He asked, making way to her.
“Spike!” she choked out in surprise, quickly putting a fake smile on her face. “I-I was just... revisiting some old memories, you know. Nostalgia’s a powerful thing, right?” She unconvincingly giggled. Spike took a look down at the book, and saw it was a picture book. Some had only one pony, some had pairs, some had all of her friends, plus him. But there was one constant.
They all had Pinkie Pie.
And it all made sense. Usually Twi would’ve seen through his pokerface right away, and vice versa, but they were both too caught up in maintaining their own to notice the others’ pain. Time to make up for that.
“C’mon, Twi. I know what’s really up. I’m there myself,” he comforted with a weak smile.
“You-you are, aren’t you?” And without another word, she enveloped him in a big, strong hug, one that felt like she was planning to never let go. Spike had no plans to do so either.
“It just hurts, Spike,” she sobbed into his neck. He only gripped her tighter, and they held each other through the night.
Assumptions (Rarity and 9th Doctor Whooves, Crossover/Comedy)
“Don’t worry, Rarity, I just contacted Celestia, and as a hero and close friend of the Princessesses, your boutique will be rebuilt and restocked at no charge and as fast as possible!”
“Thank you, dear, but where ever shall I live in the meantime?”
“Us! With us! I mean, if you wanna.”
“Thank you for the offer, Spikey, but I’d rather live somewhere more... private.”
“Yeah, and don’t worry, we’ll find the punk who did this and teach him a lesson!”
“Darn tootin we will!”
“You sure you didn’t see anything Rarity? There had to be some clue! Unless he’s a ninja! Or an alien hunter! Or even worse, an alien hunter ninja from outer space!”
“Isn’t alien hunter ninja from outer space a bit redundant, Pinkie? And, er, yes. I didn’t see anypony.”
Rarity sighed as she laid on one of Fluttershy’s couches. The hut certainly looked fantastic, and Fluttershy was a complete dear about the whole thing, but it just wasn’t the same as her wonderful boutique!
That Doctor! He ruined everything! Why I didn’t set everypony on his trail I’ll never know! Now all I’m left with is a few mannequins and some scraps! If I’ll ever see him again, I’ll-I’ll-
A ring at the door. Rarity got off the couch and made way to the door. “Sorry, but Fluttershy’s out helping animals at the moment,” she began, “but I could tell her-” when she opened the door, she was met with a face she had both hoped and dreaded seeing again.
“You!” she and the Doctor both shouted at once.
“Just my luck, just my bloody luck! Why are you around everywhere I go!?”
“You make it sound as though I burned down your house! What, my boutique wasn’t enough? Need to burn down this hut too?”
“Hopefully not! I’m just here because I found an Auton signal and it’s originating from here! So unless you want to be murdered by fashion, I suggest you let me in and let me do my job!”
“Fine!” she harrumphed, opening the door fully and letting the Doctor in.
“Thank you,” he said with a smile.
“What’s this? Gratitude? From you? Are you an Axel imposter!?” she yelled sarcastically.
“It’s Auton and, ha ha, no. I’m the genuine article, the one and only, the definite article, if you will.”
“Ah, there’s the arrogance I missed ever so much. How about I make you some tea while you burn- I mean, investigate, hm?” Let nopony say I am not a lady!
“That would be much appreciated. Saving Equestria gets a stallion quite thirsty.”
She made her way into the kitchen and began preparing the drink. “So, Doctor, where are you from?” she called.
“You wouldn’t have heard of it,” he called back offhandedly.
“What’s your real name?”
“I told you, the Doctor!”
“That’s your real name?” she shouted.
“Yup!”
“I am trying to be polite here!”
“Are you? Well, there’s a first time for anyth-” Suddenly, he just stopped.
“Doctor? Doctor!” But he did not reply. What if he’s being attacked? Without a further thought, she turned off the stove and left the tea behind, sprinting to the Doctor’s aid.
Only to find him mockingly holding a mannequin’s hoof around his mouth. “Oh ha ha, Doctor, you are hilarious and soooo mature. I actually thought you were in danger, and for some reason I actually worried about you! That might be the most insane thing to happen since you’ve tumbled into my life!” He just continued to choke. “Doctor, are you even listening?” His eyes conveyed irritation even as he grew redder. Oh, so I’m the annoying one for not going along with your stupid joke! Well! “Listen to me!” she exclaimed, and proceeded to smack the Doctor so hard the hoof flew off his face, and onto hers.
“OW!” The Doctor exclaimed.
“UMPH!” Rarity exclaimed at the same time.
“Just hold still, Miss Rarity, I’ll get this off you in a second.” He brought out his Sonic Screwdriver and used it on the hoof, until it finally dropped from Rarity’s face. “You okay?”
“My life used to be normal. Normal by Ponyville standards anyway,” she gasped out.
“Mine too. Wasn’t it so boring?” he asked with a grin.
“I hate you. I hate you more than anything else in existence.”
“There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
“Hamle- Wha?”
“Basically, Miss Rarity, don’t make assumptions. There are a lot of hateable things out there. Believe me, I know.” A moment of silence. “How’d you get so good at slapping?”
It had to end. No more weakness. No more emotion. Duty and justice must be the only things she feels, just as Celestia taught her. Feelings were what caused this. Feelings caused her to recruit Pinkie, and sentimentality resulted in her continued existence. She trotted through the dark path of the graveyard, where it all began. A voice that once sent joy through Twilight’s body but now only sent chills down it rang out.
“Twi! I was wondering when you’d show up!” Her nemesis stepped out of the shadows, her manic grin, stained with blood, radiating through the dark. Her blue eyes, as bright as ever but not with glee at being alive but with the insane enjoyment of the hunt.
“Pinkamena,” she snarled. Twilight glared and focused on her nemesis.
“Twi! I thought I told you I hated that name! I’m still the Pinkie you know and love! I just have a new way of seeing things!” Pinkie noticed Twilight glance at the blood around her mouth. “Oh, this? Just got a little peckish waiting for you. Usually you’re super duper punctual! Are you feeling ok?” Twilight said nothing. “Well, I was going to bring over the body and use some great body puns to liven up the party. See what I did there? Liven? And we’re in a graveyard! With an undead vampire?” Twilight’s glare intensified. “You used to love my puns!” she whined. “Anyway, I would’ve done that, but it’s just so cliche and derivative! I kinda regret it though; could you imagine if I had a pair of eyeballs to use when I said I had a new way of seeing things? That would’ve been a laugh!” she chuckled. “Ah, well. I got enough of my chuckles from the dead pony. He screamed like a girl!” Pinkie delved into a fit of giggles at that.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said. Her Pinkie, once filled with the desire to help ponies, to make them happy, now laughed at causing them pain, at causing them the worst sorrow. Something so pure becoming so corrupted. All because she couldn’t bear being alone.
“Don’t be, Twi! I’m happy now! I used to be so obsessed with making everypony feel happy, I used to wear myself thin for those fickle, boring ponies! It was the only way to feel good about myself back then. But now? Now all I need is to see the light in a pony’s eyes flicker off, or hear them scream louder than Fluttershy on Nightmare Night, and I can feel how much I matter. How much I affect ponies. Being a vamp has done wonders for my self esteem, and now I have fun for me! No more caring about how sad Pinkie would make other ponies super sad, nope! That Pinkie was pathetic! Now all that matters is me!”
“Liar.”
“Wha?” Pinkie asked, confused.
“You still don’t do anything for herself. Even now, it’s not about you. It’s about me. Ever since I came here, it’s been about me. That first party, that trip to the Canterlot library, being my detective buddy, spending your whole day trying to get me to smile, or laugh. All about me. That hasn’t changed at all.”
Pinkie’s grin fell. “Shut up.”
“No, instead, you just show it in a different way. Every plan, every murder, whether it be some random stranger or somepony I care about, is to get at me.”
“I said shut up!”
“To see me suffer, to see me cry, to see me suffer with the guilt. To convince yourself you don’t love me. But you still do, and it eats you up. Even now, with a dead heart, all you can think about, all you revolve around, is me. No, it’s worse now. Pinkie cared about everypony, about making even the littlest pony smile. She had more friends than anypony in the world, friends who cared and loved her. She lived for a worthy cause. All you have is your obsession for one little pony. Pinkie was a hero. You? You’re pathetic.”
“Shut up!” Pinkie snarled. “Fine, maybe I do love you. The solution is easy peasy! I am going to beat you to a pulp, but keep you the tiniest bit alive and tie you up so you can watch as I slowly kill everypony you know and love one by one by one by one! Then when you’re broken, when you know that every last death is because of you and your failure, I still won’t kill you. No, you’ll just stop getting your food like every bad pet. You won’t get a cool last battle, nope! You’ll painfully starve to death, crying out for anypony to help you while outside, Ponyville and Equestria burn to the fucking ground! Then, and only then, I will move on.”The manic grin was back full force, and the fire in her eyes showed how eager she was to initiate this plan.
I’m sorry, Pinkie. So, so sorry. Thank you, for being there for me before, for dying for my selfishness. But it’s time I stand alone. I have to That’s my curse. I’m the Slayer, meant to be alone, and when I broke that rule you paid the price. Never again. “Let’s get started then.” Pinkie growled and leaped at her.
Fashion (Rarity and 9th Doctor Whooves, Friendship/Comedy/Crossover)
The Doctor and his dear companion, the fabulous Rarity, were tied up in tight ropes, hanging above a pit of boiling acid, slowly but surely descending into it and then they would meet their gruesome, horrific deaths.
It was, in short, just another Saturday.
“Farewell, you two. You shall not meddle in my affairs again,” the corrupt businessman said. He had a name, but the Doctor had a hard time placing it. After awhile, all the evil corrupt businessmen start to blend together.
“I’m sorry, dear, truly, but meddle?! Seriously? And I thought my novels were cheesy!” Rarity exclaimed.
“She’s got a point. All you need is a mustache from the silent movies and you’d be perfect,” the Doctor put in.
“Oh, I know a dear baby dragon, his name’s Spike, who pulls off that look quite well,” Rarity commented turning her head towards the Doctor.
“Really?”
“Really. He just goes all out, cape, mustache and all. You see dear, it’s all about comitti-” she turned her head back to their captor and stopped, as he had already left the room. Rarity sputtered with indignation. “Why I never! You try to give your villain a little fashion advice and he just throws it away! Just because you’re evil doesn’t mean you can’t have manners!” Rarity shouted.
“Well, at least we’re alone now. Time to plan our daring escape, save Equestria, maybe get a few stallions and mares, yadda yadda.”
“How much time do we have?”
“Plenty, trust me. You know, since we’re on the very precipice of death-”
“Like every day.”
“Correct, but still. We’ve been traveling for a while now, haven’t we? We’ve had a few laughs, grew closer together, we trust each other. With all that in mind, I’ve just got to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
“Promise me you’ll be honest.”
“Please,” Rarity snorted, or whatever the ladylike equivalent of that is. “When am I not brutally honest with you?”
“Just one of your many charms, my dear,” he joked with a grin. “Alright. Here goes.” He took in a big breath. “The jacket. Do I pull it off?”
“Doctor!” Rarity gasped in disbelief. “Of course you do!”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No no, you pull it off wonderfully.”
“Really?”
“Yes! It goes well with your knight in sour armor demeanor. It makes you come off very heroic and gallant.”
“See, I was just worried, cause before this I usually wore these big extravagant suits, you know. I thought I’d bring it down a little this time.”
“Great thinking. Bigger is not always better. Can I ask you a question in turn?”
“Of course.”
“Can I wear it sometimes?”
“What? Why?”
“I think I’d look very cute in it. It’d be like the movies, where the charming male lead would place his oversized jacket on his cold marefriend’s body. Oh,” she sighed dreamily.
The Doctor looked her over and shrugged. “Sure, why not? You’d look pretty fantastic in it, yeah.”
“That’s very kind of you to say so.”
“Just the truth. Now, if you could use your tail to get my screwdriver out of my jacket?”
“Gotcha.” With sleek maneuvering, Rarity grabbed the screwdriver and threw it into the Doctor’s mouth. He then used it on the console lowering them into their doom, stopping its descent. With another click, the hook swung to its side and dropped them. The two brushed themselves off.
“Alrighty. Ladies first?”
“Thank you. That stallion is going to pay! That acid fumes totally messed up my makeup!”
“That fiend!” he sarcastically exclaimed, trotting behind Rarity.
The Type of Pony Everypony Should Know (Rarity, Sad)
Dressed in clothes that commanded attention, stood with a posture that demanded respect, and talked in a way that would never let you go. They were beautiful. Every filly and colt in school wanted to talk to them, wanted to be them. They maneuvered through each conversation with the utmost skill and poise, giving each pony just enough attention to enthrall them. They were beautiful. They were the type of pony everypony should know. And Rarity just had to know these intriguing ponies.
So she went up to them, dressed in plain clothing, awful accessories, and that awful, horrendous accent. And they did what any high class, respectable pony did when faced with the classless fools; they laughed. they laughed and made fun of her way of speaking, her mane, her smile, every last thing that made her her, and she trotted away in tears.
They were beautiful, like the sun. And Rarity had dared to stare upon them, and she had gotten burned.
She ran home, crying as she opened the door. She retreated to her room, even as her father called out, asking if she was okay. She locked the door and collapsed on her bed. She was not okay. She was ugly. She was foolish, unrespectable, annoying. She was the type of pony everypony should avoid, lest they be dragged into the dirt where she belonged. She eventually sat up, and was faced with her mirror, taunting her. Taunting her with her less than shiny teeth, with her unruly hair, with her plain face. With a scream she launched her hairbrush at the mirror and smashed it. Smashed the image of the ugly filly. And as her rage subsided, she saw in the reflection of the glass a stack of magazines that her mother left her.
Her mother went on and on about the pretty ponies and clothing. She did not care for it then. But maybe she should. Maybe proper, beautiful ladies cared about such things. And as she studied the magazines, and made changes to her hair, her face, applied makeup and fur gel, listened to the tapes that held the beautiful voices of celebrities, removing the pony that was laughed at piece by piece, she made a resolution.
She would be the type of pony everypony should know.
Fluttershy readied herself as she and her marefriend Rainbow Dash stood at her father’s door. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to be home, at her cottage. But Dash wanted this, wanted to meet her parent, because that’s what couples do and wasn’t Fluttershy proud to have a marefriend like Dash? Didn’t she want to show her to her dad? She wasn’t ashamed of her, was she? If only she had the strength to tell Dash the truth... Everything’s going to be okay, she told herself. She was worrying over nothing, like always. Dash was there, right next to her. Things were always okay when Dash was with her. She wasn’t alone. She’d be okay.
After several agonizing seconds, her father finally opened the door. Fluttershy could see her marefriend restrain herself from squeeing in fangirl joy. “Right on time!” her father enthused. “Of course, I know I should expect such punctuality from Equestria’s Best Young Flyer!”
Dash blushed and nervously laughed it off. “Hey, what can I say? I have just enough class to not be late to a dinner with my marefriend’s dad, who just coincidentally happens to be flying legend Lightning Speed!” More nervous chuckling. “Just enough class, mind you. Dressing up in this nice suit and showing up on time took up pretty much my whole class capacity, so don’t be surprised if I just shove my face in the food and bounce like a monkey.”
Lightning bellowed a deep laugh. “A world class athlete and a wonderful sense of humor! How my little filly snagged a catch like you, I’ll never know!” Fluttershy winced for a brief moment. Dash seemed to notice, or be put off by something in his tone, and looked like she was about to comment on it before Fluttershy hurriedly interrupted her.
“Well, I’m feeling a bit peckish, how about we just go inside and, er, chow down?” She put on a nervous smile. Her father let out a long suffering sigh.
“How rude, Fluttershy, cutting to the chase like that. But not out of character. Don’t let that meek demeanor completely fool you; back when she lived here all she would do was complain in the most passive aggressive ways! Ah, but what child doesn’t? Anywho, come on in, you two. I’ve already got the food ready.”
As he led the two in, Dash whispered to Shy, “What was that about?”
“Nothing! Just some good natured ribbing!” Another nervous smile. Dash raised an eyebrow, but let the matter drop. Lightning brought them to his table, where many plates of delicious food laid.
“Wow, this food smells amazing!” Dash exclaimed as she sat down in her seat. “I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, Lightning Speed-”
“Please, no formalities between fellow athletes. Just call me LS, like my team used to back in the good old days.”
“O-Okay, LS!” Fluttershy could see Dash hold down another squeal. “Like I was saying, I just didn’t expect a big star like you to know how to cook!”
“I didn’t, for a while. But when my dear Flower passed in childbirth and I had to retire and take a less 24/7 job to support and feed this filly here, well, I had to learn fast.”
There was an awkward silence as Fluttershy shielded her face from her father’s sad, oh so slightly accusing eyes. Finally, Dash broke the silence with, “Do you miss her?”
“Every day,” he said, weakly smiling. “Bah, I’m so sorry to have brought down the mood like that!” His usual bravado had returned. “Dash, I have heard the most wild rumors about you. Is it really true you pulled off a Sonic Rainboom in flight school?”
“Yup!” Dash answered, her chest puffed out in pride. “A couple of bullies were picking on Shy, so I challenged them to the race to defend her honor! As you can guess, I dominated them and pulled off a Sonic Rainboom into the finish line!”
“Amazing! To think, at such a young age to pull off that legendary trick! As I recall, while you soared to new heights, Fluttershy gave up and what is it you do now?”
“I take care of animals. I’ve told you a million times, Dad,” she said in an unusually irritated tone.
“Ah yes, animals. While Dash here became a legend, you quit out of flight camp against my wishes and without telling anypony, putting the school and me to great stress and worry, and threw away any chance of becoming a success to tend to some bunnies,” he jerred derogatively. “I suppose not everypony can be as inspiring and amazing as Dash.”
Fluttershy was trembling, and Dash quickly rose to her defense.
“Woah, woah, listen LS-” But Dash was interrupted by the sudden slam of Fluttershy’s hooves on the table.
“I save the lives of animals every day,” she stated in an eerily calm tone. “I have saved Equestria twice, against Nightmare Moon and Discord, and stood up to a Changeling invasion. I became a fashion idol, have four of the greatest mares in the world as my best friend, and have the most beautiful, amazing pony ever as my marefriend. You, on the other hand, were a flyer for two years, then spent the rest of your life doing a routine job and tearing down your daughter. And I took that for so many years. I tried so hard at flying, at being brave, at being somepony I wasn’t just to get you to love me. But I learned I don’t need the love of a meanie like you. Not when I have the love of the pony I hope to spend the rest of my life with, while you rot alone and get overshadowed by my heroic, legendary, painted on the Canterlot Castle’s windows shadow.” She turned her head to the side and smiled. “How’s that for inspiring, Dad?” His shocked silence spoke volumes. “Come on, Rainbow. We’re going home.” Dash stuck a tounge out at Lightning as she followed her marefriend out of the room.
Hundreds of Changelings were flung from Canterlot Castle. Some survived the fall, others didn’t. The first “thought”, more akin to an impulse, was concern for the queen. It was getting to the Queen and regrouping with the rest of the hive. This was the thought of all the surviving Changelings.
All of them, but one. The first thing in this one’s mind was a pink pony, with hair unrestrained and eyes bluer than any river. It recalled the look in her eyes as she played her little game, challenging him to take one form or another. In her eyes, there were no fear, nor was there hate. She did not see a Changeling. She saw a living thing, who was unfortunately at cross purposes.
Her uniqueness continued in the battle. The Changeling was one of the longest living in the hive. The Changelings’ keen, innate eye for detail was even greater in him. He could see the strategies of those who threatened the Queen. It could see their next move, even if it could not resist them. He could see all of their moves, except for the pink one. She was a hurricane. Nothing was planned for her. She changed attacks in the middle of them. A punch would suddenly end up to have been a throw of pastry. A shot from her canon would change from shooting the strange materials to shooting her. She was kind, wild, unique. All a Changeling could not experience.
And so, for the first time, a Changeling worker felt desire. It had gazed upon perfection. When you saw perfection, there was no point in emulating, no, in being anything else. It had to be perfection. Only then would it break free from the constraints of the hive and truly be. But perfection implies one.There cannot be two perfect beings; the existence of the other devalues the truly perfect one. It knew what must be done, to become one of a kind at last. It shifted into the pink one’s form, and never before had anything felt so right. It smiled, smiled in a way indistinguishable from the ones the pink one would often adorn, and perhaps just as real.
And so while every other Changeling converged upon its queen, one worker looked into the horizon and took its first few steps towards Ponyville and perfection.
The Last Pony in Equestria (Rarity and 9th Doctor Whooves, Crossover/Friendship)
“Alright, we’ve got your suit on, we’re at our location, now repeat after me. ‘I will not wander off.’ ‘I will not wander off.’”
“Doctor!” Rarity chuckled. “I’m not an idiot. Me wandering off equals bad things, I get it.”
“Oh, you all say that, but then we leave the TARDIS, I look away for five seconds, and look! Rarity’s gone! Found herself some more bloody trouble for me to rescue her from.”
“Excuse me!” Rarity exclaimed incredulously. “I’ll inform you that at the moment, the rescue count is 51 for me, 50 for you.”
“Come on, we both know Barcelona didn’t count.”
“It did and you know it! Besides, this is the end of Equestria. There’s nopony else, or so you’ve said. What trouble could we run into?”
The Doctor pressed his hoof to his face. “Great, you said it. You actually said it. Now there’ll be some radioactive beast who feeds off burritos or something.”
Rarity let out a tiling laugh. “Come on, Doctor. I want to see how Equestria ends.”
“Very well. Make sure your suit has the correct visual lens and is set at the right cold resistance level, and off we go!” He pushed open the TARDIS door. Rarity trotted past him, and walked into the end of Equestria. It wasn’t as she expected. No wartorn battle scars, no radiation, not even any talking apes or something. It was dark, It was bare. It was empty. And somehow, it was so much worse.
“How did it happen?” she whispered.
“Hm?”
“How did everypony die?”
The Doctor jolted in surprise. “Wha- you think everypony died? Oh, I knew I forgot to mention something! This is the end of Equestria the planet, not the nation. You ponies are too darn stubborn to end here.”
“Doctor!” She punched his suit.
“Ow! For a so called lady, you resort to violence quicker than the Santoran!”
“I thought ponies had gone extinct!” she fumed.
“Oi, you know I’m awful at this communication thing. You need to pry every last detail out of this oblivious, forgetful head. I thought we established this long ago.”
“Then what did happen? To Equestria the planet?”
“Can’t tell you that. You might change it, however unlikely it seems. You’ll tell an important, powerful friend, or write it in your diary and some scholar comes along and finds out, or any other minor thing, and poof, history’s changed forever.”
“Oh,” she sighed in disappointment.
“All I can say is that everypony’s gone. You are officially the last pony in Equestria. I don’t count, on account of being a Time Lord and all.”
“Do all Time Lords look like ponies?”
“You mean, do all ponies look like Time Lords. We came along first, you know.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Anyway, can you at least tell me what happened to ponies after this?”
“Sure. You migrated. Found new planets. Celestia and Luna left too, hence the no sun and moon.”
“That’s awfully vague.”
“Has to be. The littlest thing can change time, you know. But the important thing is that you survived, ands more than that you prospered. You’re spread to the furthest reaches of the universe now. So many wonderful planets you’ve colonized. There’s this fantastic one in particular, I forget its name. What was it?” He tapped his chin in mock forgetfulness, and Rarity tapped her hooves on the ground in impatience. “Ah, yes,” he grinned. “Planet Rarity.”
“What?” she shouted, astonished.
“Yup, a planet named after one of Equestria’s biggest heroes. She who had not only saved Equestria so many times, but went above and beyond that. She who created wonderful fashion that are viewed as pieces of art. Your work is still studied and emulated today. She who when she found her inevitable success, did not spend it lounging in wealth. Instead, she in her generosity founded several charities, helping the helpless and needy. she saved many lives, and improved even more. Even now, ponies look upon her with love and respect. Such fabulousity could never be forgotten, eh?”
Rarity was dumbstruck; she needed a moment to compose herself, to deal with the knowledge that yes, she did matter, yes she was loved. And so a comfortable silence fell between them It was several moments later that she was finally able to utter “This-this Planet Rarity. Do its inhabitants have good fashion sense?”
“Oh of course, their clothes are just fantastic. They’re the cultural hub of the galaxy! They do this wonderful style where-”
“Stop!” She held up a hoof. “I wish to see it myself. Let’s go.” They trotted back into the TARDIS, and while the Doctor got to setting up their location, she had the need to ask one more thing. “Doctor?”
“Yes?”
“I thought you couldn’t tell me about future events. Yet you told me so much about mine.”
“Well, I couldn’t tell you about the others because there was a chance, however small, that you could change them. But you, the most generous and strong pony I’ve ever known, devoting her life to help ponies, using her stubbornness to reach the top of the fashion ladder, and being remembered for all time? Why, that was always a given. It’s inevitable. For all intents and purposes, a fixed point in time. There’s nothing you could do to change that if you tried, and me telling you its going to happen doesn’t matter at all, you would've done it anyway. Because you are fantastic, Miss Rarity. Absolutely fantastic.”
“Oh, Doctor,” Rarity said, her eyes wet with tears. “When did you get so kind and complimentary? Why, I still have nightmares of that first day we met, of that first adventure we had. You were so rude,” she softly said, her tone filled with nostalgia.
“Me rude?” His tone was indignant, but his grin spoke a different story. “You’re one to talk! You slapped me!”
“To save your life!”
“I still have phantom pains!” They glared at each other for several seconds, before devolving into giggles. “Ah, this was a nice, peaceful romp for once. No monsters for once.”
Meanwhile, outside the TARDIS in the barren Equestria, a strange blob latched onto the TARDIS.
The jeers kept ringing through Twilight’s head, and they wouldn’t stop. Why wouldn’t they stop? The devastated filly ran into her house. The house was good. At the house she was mommy’s and daddy’s princess, and Shining was her knight.
“Twilight? Shouldn’t you be in school?” Her mother’s voice asked behind her. She didn’t think anypony else would be home. she didn’t think about anything, really. Didn’t think about what she’d do next when she got home. Bad Twilight. Mommy always said to think, and let her brain lead her. That’s what made ponies different from beasts. But she didn’t think, and now Mommy was going to be mad or even worse be disappointed and give her the sad look and- and...
She burst into another set of tears.
“Oh, my baby girl,” her mother comforted, sweeping her into her arms. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“You-you aren’t mad?” she choked out.
“Of course not. I know my bright star wouldn’t leave school without a good reason. I trust you, Twilight. Now trust me, baby. What’s wrong?”
She told her everything. How she felt like she finally had friends, friends that she could play with and have slumber parties with, but it turned out they were just using her to do their homework. Nopony would actually want to hang out with a bookworm like you, they said. And when she cried, they only got meaner and she couldn’t take it anymore and she just had to run and-
“Shhhh, baby girl. Mommy’s here,” she whispered into her ear.
“But why? Why aren’t I good enough to be a friend?”
“It’s not because you aren’t good enough, darling. It’s because you are too good. I’ve told you the stories of our family, haven’t I baby girl?” Twilight nodded. “Our line is one of the most prestigious in Equestria. While other nobles lounge around, revel in their wealth and left those below them to eat their dust, we help them. We use our knowledge and magic to cure their ills. We write amazing stories that spoke to them, assuring them they aren’t alone, that others feel as they do. Our line is a line of scholars, authors, warriors. Everypony in our line is great. But do you want to know something, baby girl?” Twilight gave a meek affirmation. “When you were born, I looked into your eyes, and I saw this... spark. And I knew in that moment, you’d be greater than any before you. The only problem is, those petty fillies, they see it too. They see your greatness, and they are jealous and fearful. While you change Equestria forever, they will be left forgotten. Because they lack something, my dear. Can you tell me what it is?”
“Smarts?”
“Correct as always,” she said with a wink, earning a small smile in return. “While that is the correct answer, there’s more to it than that. You have smarts, my darling. So much I wonder how it just doesn’t fall out of that tiny head of yours. But you also have heart. You have kindness. And you have strength. Ultimately, my sweet, the thing that you have that they do not is you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. Because while me, your father, and your brother would love to protect you forever, there is a time when you must live on your own. And when others fail to be there, when others mock your pain or do not understand it, there will always be one pony who does. Yourself. All you need is you.”
“I-I think I see, Mommy.”
“I knew you would. Now let’s get you back to school before the teacher throws a fuss, hm?”
And while her mother led Twilight back to school, she reflected on what she had been told. She did not need any friends. They wouldn’t understand her. They wouldn’t be there for her. But she was great. She was strong. When would having friends do anything? All she needed was herself.
One Adventure (Rarity, Spike, and 9th Doctor Whooves, Friendship/Crossover)
“That little dragon wants in?” The Doctor questioned, eyebrow raised, as he snuck a look at the dragon patiently waiting a few feet away.
Rarity sighed. “Yes. He spotted a singe mark on my flank from our last adventure-”
“That was a fun one.”
“-and he said he couldn’t take it anymore! That the girls may accept it, but that he was tired of being left behind, and leaving me ‘defenseless’ quote unquote.”
The Doctor snorted. “You, defenseless? He’s obviously never heard you whine.”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“Say no! Make a big fuss and yell at me so I can tell Spike he can’t come because you wouldn’t allow it!”
“Oi! Why do I always have to be the bad guy, the mean mannered grump? I am quite jovial and pleasant. Just look at this winning smile!” He grinned. “Pinkie Pie herself couldn’t exude that raw amount of cheer!”
“Wait, are you actually entertaining the thought of allowing him on?” Rarity asked, shocked.
“And what if I am?”
“Doctor, he’s so young, so inexperienced, he’s-he’s a child!”
The Doctor gave her a small smile, before facing the TARDIS. “Did I ever tell you about how I got this old girl?” Rarity shook her head. “Well, I was young. So horribly young, by my people’s standards. I was headstrong, annoying, obnoxious. I believed I knew everything and every other creature in the galaxy couldn’t compare to my brains! And I was so inexperienced. I wasn’t prepared for the horrors, the loss, the wonders. But if I didn’t get on this girl, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I’d be a pompous, arrogant, ass who believed himself above all others in the galaxy. Well, I’d be even more of one. I could’ve become just like the worst of my race, playing with time and fancying myself a ruler. But I didn’t. All because a lady,” he tapped the TARDIS, “decided to choose me, childish and all, to go on an adventure or two.” He faced Rarity, an earnest look on his face. “One adventure. Give him one. If it proves too much for him, if it turns out to be a mistake, we’ll drop him right back. But it just might turn out to be the greatest decision of his life.”
Rarity looked into the eyes of the Doctor for a few seconds more, looking for any sign of dishonesty or doubt. Finally, she turned away with a sigh. “Very well, Doctor.”
“Fantastic!” he exclaimed with a grin. Only a few seconds later, the grin was gone, replaced with a stern, serious expression. “Oi, you! Twerp!” he called to the dragon. Spike pointed at himself. “Noooo, the other purple dragon, right underneath you. Yes, you! Come on!” Spike’s face took on an expression of pure joy as he ran up to them.
“You mean I’m really coming with?”
“Nope, I just shouted ‘come on’ because I loved hearing myself talk. Yes, you are coming with. Hurry up and get in before I change my mind!” Spike went through the TARDIS doors.
Rarity gave the Doctor the best glare she could muster, but in her eyes held the faintest amusement. “I thought you said you weren’t a mean-mannered grump?”
The grin was back in full force. “I am, once you get to know me. But you, of all ponies, should know it takes a long time to know me,” he said with a wink.
A short laugh rang out from the fashionista. “To be honest, I would’ve felt cheated if you acted like a total gentleman from the get go. I’ve earned that nobility, darn it!”
“That’s the spirit! Think of it as a hazing ritual!” they smiled at each other. “After you.”
“Why, thank you!” The two trotted into the TARDIS, smiling.
Today was going to be perfect. Rarity would have it as nothing less. There were no orders, everything was arranged, and she was taking a complete day off from any more orders. Things were going to be perfect. They were going to unfold just like every last one of her storybooks. Because Fluttershy deserved it.
First, there was going to be dinner, just between the two of them. Quiet, private, just the way Fluttershy loved it. Her favorite foods, completely vegetarian and natural, home cooked by Rarity’s own hooves. They would talk, stare lovingly into each other’s eyes, maybe sneak a few kisses. It would be perfect.
Then, she would take Fluttershy to their favorite spot, the park. The park where Rarity had looked on her dear lover and for the first time truly saw the beauty she could bring to the whole world, the beauty that was so much easier and realer than her makeup. Where Rarity realized she would rather stay in her shadow forever than deprive her of any potential happiness. The park where Fluttershy realized she would do something she hated with all of her soul for the rest of her life, just to make the fashionista happy. The park where they both realized that just maybe, there was something more than friendship between them.
They would catch fireflies, give them dazzling names, then let them go. They would sing with the crickets, and look upon the bedazzling stars. Then Rarity would bring out the ring, and then would give her dearest the speech. The speech she had practiced a million times over, the speech she had completely memorized. It goes like this:
Now darling, I-I know this is a surprise, and I know how much you hate those, but I’ve been wanting to ask you this for so long. Before you, dear, I thought the perfect storybook ending was the princess, all stuck up and proper, marrying her boring, soulless, cardboard prince. But I was so, so wrong. The perfect storybook ending is you holding me into her arms, like you never intended to let go. The perfect storybook ending is eating dinner with you, making our little in jokes and remembering the latest rude customer. The perfect storybook ending is me working through the night on a dress, and you feeding me, making sure I don’t starve myself, and correcting some tiny mistake that slipped right past me. The perfect storybook ending is you and me, waking up next to each other, for the rest of our lives. So, darling. Will you marry me?
Fluttershy would say yes, through her tears, and for moment she would forget the world and kiss her with more passion than she had ever kissed anypony before. And they would live happily ever after.
Applejack went through the doors of Sugarcube Corner with a smile on her face, a fiddle on her back, and a harmonica in her hat. When you're a hardworking farmpony, relaxation and creative hobbies are nice to have. This day was her favorite of the week.
“Pinkie’s already in the basement!” Mr. Cake called from the counter.
“Thanks!” Applejack called back, already halfway there. She opened that door and descended into that mostly soundproof basement. When she reached the bottom, she found Pinkie tuning her instruments. It didn’t take long for that pony to look up, and Applejack swore that the way Pinkie’s face lit up at seeing her made the day worth it all by itself.
“AJ! You made it!”
“C’mon, Pinkie Pie,” she chuckled, “you know I’d never miss this.”
“Oh, I know! That doesn’t make me any less super happy when you do show up though!” It was Pinkie’s usual happy talk. She was glad to hang out with anypony. But Applejack couldn’t deny the light feeling in her chest that would inevitably rise up when Pinkie said things like that. She quickly cleared her mind of such thoughts. Their jam sessions were not the place for such things.
“I got my fiddle and my harmonica. I’m ready to play whatever you want on your mark, Pinks.”
“Awesome! Let’s see, what combination should we do today! I got my trumpet, my drums, my accordion, my-”
“How about I play my fiddle and you play your banjo? I wanna work on that song we were doing before. I think it’s a keeper.” Applejack knew how Pinkie could get when she was excited ‘bout something, and no matter how cu- entertaining it would be, Applejack wanted as much music time as possible. It wouldn’t be too long before she’d be needed back at the farm for some reason or other.
“You got it, AJ!” She picked up the banjo, strapped it over her neck, and had her hooves at the ready. Applejack quickly readied her instrument as well. “You ready?” Applejack nodded. “Okay, one. Two. Three. Go!” And they were off. As her hooves moved across her instrument, Applejack couldn’t help but drift back to her thoughts. She had thought herself the only musician in this ragtag family of theirs. But then Pinkie came in like a hurricane, blowing all those parasprites out of their town with a whirlwind with instruments. After a show like that, Applejack couldn’t resist asking that pony to make some sweet music(not that type of music, don’t think about that Applejack) with her. And the music made in that first session was amazing. The music they made weren’t prim and proper and fancylike like somepony like Rarity might’ve preferred. It was passionate, wild, energetic.
Just like a fire. A fire that had been bubbling in AJ for quite some time. That pink pony was one of a kind. She threw caution to the wind, she tasted rainbows just because, she could predict the future yet not worry a smidge about it. She lived without worrying about profits or the family or the farm. She was beautiful, especially when she played. Pinkie was belting out some assortment of lyrics, but Applejack was too distracted to catch the exact words. Pinkie gave herself to the music. She devoted every last bit of energy to playing. Look at her and you’d see having the most fun you’ve ever seen anypony have in their live. She tapped her feet, swung her head, and hollered real loud. She wasn’t the most refined musician, nor the most technical.
But Applejack doubted there was anypony in Equestria who loved music as much as her. And seeing those deep blue eyes aflame with happiness and passion, well, that was the greatest time Applejack could think of. Finally, they ended their song, and as the music died down Pinkie yelled out a loud “Yeehaw!” Applejack gave her a curious look.
“Sorry, was that your line?” Pinkie looked the tiniest bit sheepish.
“It is, but with a voice like yours I don’t mind sharing it.” Skirting dangerously close to flirting there, Applejack.
“AJ!” Pinkie giggled. “Stop being such a sweetie pie! I’m the only Pie around here! You stick to apples, missy!” They laughed together for a moment. “So, Applejack. Do you think we have something here?”
And seeing that sweetie pie look at her as though she was hanging on every word, as though the all of Equestria was gone and it was just the two of them in the whole wide world, well, it made her heart pitter patter. Ah, forget it. I’ve never been the most patient and subtle type anyway. “I think we do, Pinkie.”
Then she pulled that pony right in for the darn best kiss of her life.
Twilight strolled down the familiar hallway, casually slinging another guard into the wall with her magic. She had gone down this hall many times. The castle hall that led to Princess Celestia’s throne room. The war would end here. Dash and her large squadron were defeating, or at least distracting, Luna. Even with her magical poweress, Twilight knew she couldn’t take on both Princesses at once. But individually, she had a very strong chance. She was already powerful even as a filly, but now, after years and years of training, of master her skills and controlling the incredible power inside her, nopony could stop her. Certainly not Celestia’s guards.
No, it would end as it should. Two ponies, teacher vs student. It was thematically appropriate. She came to the end of the hallway and magically thrust open the large doors, to find Celestia sitting on her throne.
“Twilight.... I knew you would come.”
“Who else would it be, Celestia? Surrender now. Make this easier for both of us. Let the new glorious dawn rise!”
“Glorious?” she spat. “Have you not seen the damage your revolution has caused, the homes destroyed, the lives lost?” she shouted accusingly.
“If you had only given up your power before, we would not have needed war! The monarchy is outdated! It is time to put power into ponies’ hands!”
“It is not too late, Twilight. You could turn yourself in, end the bloodshed. It needn’t end like this.”
“No,” she answered without hesitation. “It’s too late to just stop. I’ve lost too many friends and family for that. I’ve fought too many friends and family for that.
“Then let me ask one thing. Why?”
“Because you and Luna are holding Equestria back, from allowing us to flourish on our own. Because you two aren’t goddesses. You get petty, jealous, you make mistakes. You’re just ponies with bigger wings and horns, and no one pony should have absolute power over others. But the biggest reason? The biggest reason...” Twilight let out a light sigh. “I remember when I was a little filly, and I learned that there was a majestic Princess who controlled the sun and the moon. I saw the drawings and pictures of you. I was awed. I was starstruck by you. But underneath all that, there was an undercurrent... of fear. I would look up at the sun or moon and realize, you could never bring them down if you wanted. You could destroy them without a second thought. And then I read about Nightmare Moon, who did just that. How long, Celestia, before you grow bored with us after thousands of years watching us? What if you decide to roast us alive, just for something different, or because we didn’t worship you enough? Deep down, every Equestrian, every mare, stallion, and child has had that fear. And nopony should have to live with the fear that their world can end on two ponies’ whims.”
There was silence. Twilight kept a close eye on her enemy, in case she made any sudden moves, any surprise attacks. But there were none. Instead?
There was laughter. Loud, cackling laughter.
“I see, Twilight,” the laughter coming to a screeching halt, replaced with a deathly calm voice. “I have given everything to this country. I have lost family, friends, loves. I have given my own sister to keep you all safe. I have endured milenna of monotony, of doing the same thing day in and day out, for you. My sister and I were the ones who kept your tribes from tearing each other apart just a few years after you united. Yet despite all I give, all I’ve done to show my love, to become one of you, you all still fear me? Even the pony who knows me best, the faithful student I had practically raised?” Twilight nodded. “Fine.” Suddenly, there was a bright flash, and once it had subsided Twilight saw the Princess levitating in the air, searing flames around her. “Then I will give you something to fear!” her voice boomed. “I will show you all what happens to traitors! You all have grown too insolent, too greedy and prideful, to even think of displacing your gods. You thought me a tyrant? For your arrogance, it is a tyrant you will receive! Come, and let us end this!”
Twilight closed her eyes and let her magic flow through her body, and launched herself at her foe.
Pinkie was before Twilight, kneeling on one knee, her blue eyes filled with hope. Suddenly, it all made sense. The dinner at her favorite restaurant. Sitting underneath the stars, gazing at the once in a lifetime meteor shower Twilight had gushed about for weeks. The strangely awkward, bit too zealous attitude of Pinkie throughout. It all made sense.
Twilight found herself grasping for words to say. The silence had gone on too long. Pinkie’s eyes showed the slightest bit of confusion. Say something, darn it! You love her, don’t you? You want to be with her forever, right? Marriage has always been in your plans!
But... I’m not ready yet.
And her novels always showed that marrying despite that led to disaster. It led to arguments, regret, divorce. Love lost. It was the motivation for the angry, broken parent. it was the reason for the depressing endings of the more melancholy romances. It led to pain, and despair, and in the end, a life without Pinkie. It was self defeating.
I know what I have to do.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and turned her face away from Pinkie. She couldn’t see the inevitable tears, couldn’t see her love’s heart slowly break before her eyes. She would lose her resolve.
“Pinkie, I-I love you. I love you so much. I was such a bad, lifeless pony before I met you, but you showed me life’s magic. And someday, I’d love to settle down with you, to spend my life with you forever. But... not today. I’m not ready. We’re so young, and there’s so much I want to do,so many spells to invent and books to write, and there’s all our dangerous adventures, and it’s just- just not time yet,” she choked out, finally letting the tears fall. “Please, Pinkie. I’m sorry. I love you. Please don’t leave. I-” She was silenced by the strong hug of her love. “You-you’re not mad?”
“Silly Twilight. Why would I be? You said you still love me, and that you’d love to marry me someday. Who cares if it isn’t now? I want you to be ready, Twilight. And then we’ll have the greatest, funnest, super awesomest marriage party ever, and not just because of the balloons and cake and stuff. But because when Princess Celestia asks you if you do, you will do without a bit of doubt. And I’d wait forever for that, Twilight.”
“Celestia, I love you,” Twilight cried into Pinkie’s coat.
The Cool Crusaders (The Cutie Mark Crusaders- And their good friend Twist!-, Comedy)
Ponyville, Equestria. Last Sunday AC. That was the day that Equestria’s three-
“Four!”
Three greatest heroes were born. Three ordinary filles, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, also known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, were off on another misadventure.
“Accompanied by their good friend Twist!”
This misadventure led them straight to Ponyville’s recently opened power plant. Through a series of amusing events involving a snake, a power outage, and inexplicably, a large amount of honey, they fell into the radioactive sludge. But this did not kill them. Neigh, it made them better than before, for it gave them superpowers!
Scootaloo gained super speed, able to use her wings to propel herself forward faster than the speed of light. She donned the persona of The Dash, a completely original name not in anyway influenced by her idol, flying extraordinaire Rainbow Dash.
Sweetie Belle gained sound manipulation, able to manipulate sound waves to fly and able to bring any villain to their knees with her even stronger pipes. She became The Silver Bell(she’s a kid, cut her some slack for the name)!
Apple Bloom gained super strength, able to knock down a building with a single strike. She became The Apple Bruiser(again, just a kid)!
“And Twist gained the ability to stretch, or twist you might say, heh heh, far above any pony’s normal capabilities!”
Kid. Stop. You’re ruining the flow. And stretching? Kinda lame.
“It’s not lame! It’s super cool!”
Anyway, the three-
“Four!”
Formed an elite group called...
THE COOL CRUSADERS
This is part one of an average day in their lives....
“Alright team, Diamond Tiara has been quiet lately. Too quiet.” The Dash had just watched an action movie marathon with her idol, and thus had the misguided impression that such lines were “cool”. They are not. “I say we go to our source on the streets, find out what’s going on.”
“But we foiled Diamond Tiara yesterday!” Apple Bruiser whined. “She was just stealing some candy from a baby! I want somethin’ more exciting!”
“Don’t blame me! Dash and her friends take all the cool, dangerous villains. We take what we can get!”
“Well I think what we did yesterday was super cool!” Silver Bell exclaimed. “Babies need rescuing too! And she was so cute, sucking on her lollipop!” Silver Bell recalled that image, cooed, and was sent tumbling into Babyland for a moment. Her compatriots patiently waited for her to snap out of it. “Errrr,” she intoned, shaking her head to clear it of adorable babies, “What were we talking about?”
“We were talking about how you are absolutely right, Silver Bell! It doesn’t matter who we save,” she began, her posture suddenly slouching and her voice lowering to a gravelly tone, “Or what crime we stop. Baby, candy, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is justice, and justice starts with the smallest acts! All it takes is one pony at the right place at the right time doing the right thing, and eventually it leads to all criminals being captured by the cold hoof- or claw if you’re a griffon or dragon- of justice!” The marathon before had also included some Batmare movies, giving The Dash the impression that such speeches given in a dark voice were “inspiring” or “intimidating”. Again, they are not. Nonetheless, it managed to rowdy up her partners.
“You’re right, Scoo- I mean, The Dash! Let’s give that Tiara what for!”
“CUTIE MARK SUPER HEROES!” They bellowed.
“Wait, you guys are going after Diamond Tiara? Why didn't you tell me sooner?”
“You’re a civilian, Twist,” Sweetie soothed, “We can’t put you in danger.”
“What did I tell you guys!? I have powers too! I can stretch! Or twist, you might say,” she said with a wink. The Crusaders were as unamused as the narrator was.
“Twisting doesn’t count, Twist. It’s stupid,” The Dash informed her.
“Not stupid!” Applebloom hastily corrected. “Just.... unique! It doesn’t suit our current power palette, see?”
“But my mom spent ten hours making a costume for me!” Twist shouted, stomping her hooves.
“She spent ten hours on that? I thought you just stitched random pieces of garbage together,” The Dash said, confused. She was hurriedly shushed by her team.
“Look, Twist. You are a great, important part of the team!” Silver Bell comforted, putting on the charm, “You’re our informant! We’d get nowhere without you!” Her teammates nodded furiously in affirmation.
Twist sighed, slumping in defeat. “You want to know where Diamond Tiara is?”
“Yeah!” they shouted in unison.
“I’m right behind you, blank flanks!” The three turned sharply and saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were armed with cannons stocked with fruit. “Daddy bought it for me. I told him it was for a game. You like? Filled up to the brink with carrots.” The three gasped. They knew that AJ could sniff carrots on ponies a mile away, and anypony she caught who smelt of them was banished from Sweet Apple Acres for a whole day!
“It’s a set up! Twist, how could ya do this?”
“Because you said I was lame! Let’s see how lame being covered with carrots will make you!”
Will the Cool Crusaders escape? Or are they doomed to a whole day of banishment? Stay tuned! Same Cutie-time, same Cutie-channel!
Wingmares (Twilight and Dash, TwiPie and AppleDash, Friendship)
Dash watched as everypony except her and Twilight dispersed out of the park, another one of their outings over. Her glance couldn’t help but fall over a particular bunch of apples. In the basket! Apple fruit. Yes.
She held back a sigh. She was hoping to get some time with Aaaaaaaaerial dynamics but Twilight told her she needed to talk in private, one on one. It was important, she said. And Dash would never turn her back on a friend. It’s probably going to be about some book.Or maybe... maybe she has a top secret mission straight from the Princess that only I can do! A mission full of danger and monsters! Or The Wonderbolts told her they’ve accepted me into the group! Suddenly, her disinterest turned into barely contained enthusiasm. She practically bounced in place, eagerly waiting for Twilight to talk. But instead, Twilight awkwardly pawed on the ground, opening her mouth several times as if she had found the words, but then she’d just close it again as though those words were stupid. Her face even glowed the lightest shade of red. After a few moments of this, Dash decided to help her along.
“Errrr, Twi? You wanted to talk to me?”
“Um, yes, Rainbow. Sorry, I’m just having trouble finding the words.”
“Well, if it’s because this talk is about, say, a dangerous mission, then don’t worry, Twi! You know I fear no danger!”
“What?” Twi asked confused. “That’s not it.”
“Then maybe you have really happy news, like somepony we know has gotten into an elite group she’s been trying forever to get into. I understand, Twi. I doubt I could find the words myself!”
“Er, no, sorry. Not it either.” She sheepishly smiled.
By now, Dash’s small storage of patience was empty. “Then what?”
“I-I just need to find a way to say it lightly!”
“I don’t have all day, Twilight. Spit it out!”
“Give me a second-”
“Stop doing your best Fluttershy impression and just! Say!It!”
“I WANT TO ASK PINKIE OUT ON A DATE!” she blurted out loudly, catching the attention of several passerby. She nervously smiled, and turned her head down.
Dash, meanwhile, was caught off guard. She had figured it out a loooong time ago, of course. She knew Pinkie well enough to know when she was crushing on somepony. She knew that experience better than anypony. And noticing Pinkie caused her to notice Twilight, and it just clicked. But Twi confessing it to her, of all ponies?“Okaaaaay. Why tell me this?”
“Because you’re Pinkie’s ex and my friend!” she explained. “By friend law, I’m required to tell you when I have feelings for your ex! All my books say this could tear apart a friendship, and I really don’t want to lose ours, Dash! So-so if you want me to back off, I promise I will! I just couldn’t hold it in any longer! Please don’t hate me!” she choked out, tears forming in her eyes.
Ah, geez. “C’mon, Twi!” she soothed, putting a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “I could never hate my favorite egghead! Besides, what me and Pinkie had is long over. We both agreed that our relationship just wasn’t working out. You can go and make all the kissy faces you want with Pinkie.”
“Really?”
“Really. Now, if we’re done?” Dash asked, readying her wings for flight.
“Wait!” Twilight exclaimed, stopping Rainbow in her tracks. Dash gave her an irritated glare. “I need your help. You know Pinkie better than anypony, Dash. Does-does she feel the same way about me?” At these words, Dash’s eyes softened.
“Twi,” she began lightly, “when me and Pinkie were together, I thought she was in love with me. We had so much fun together, and whenever I was around her, she looked so happy.” Twilight looked down, her features full of disappointment. “But that’s nothing compared to how she looks when she’s around you.” Twilight looked back up, her eyes filled with curiosity. “She’s awestruck, she’s spellbound, she’s all that other gooey love junk. Her face is just full of adoration and wonder and love, Twi. And I mean, seriously. Look at what she’s done for you! She tried to stop time for you, for Pete’s sake! Trust me, Twi. You’ve got her hooked. So stop worrying.”
“Thank you, Rainbow. I’m going to ask her right now!” She began to trot off, before Dash cut her off.
“Woah woah woah, what are you doing? You’re just gonna ask her?”
“Um.... yeah?”
“No way, Twi. I asked Pinkie out in an awesome, radical way, and there is no chance I’m letting my egghead be outshined by any of Pinkie’s exes, even if that ex is me! You are going to give Pinkie the asking out of her life, and I’m gonna help!”
“You’d do that?”
“Of course! In return for one favor.”
“Anything!”
“I, uh, kinda got a crush on somepony too, and a little help from Ponyville’s smartest mare would be great.”
“Who is it?”
“Not important right now! First Pinkie, then Aaaaaaanonymous mare I want!” Dash put on a big grin. Almost let it slip there.
Twilight raised an eyebrow, but let it slide. “Ok Dash! I accept! Twilight and Dash, the ultimate wingmares!”
“That’s the spirit!” They trotted off together, discussing plans for the ultimate wooing.
Philomena surveyed the Princesses sitting next to her. They were unaware, unprepared. It was time. Time to avenge their parents, those lost. Time to break free and take their rightful place on top of Equestria. It had taken thousands of years, but that was no problem for phoenixes. They had been there, unlike the ponies. While the ponies think of them as pets, and think of the Princess as kind, merciful rulers, the phoenixes remember.
Philomena remembered seeing Celestia storm into their throne, and destroying her parents with her godly fury. And for an unknown reason when she saw the little child, she took her in as a pet. Whether it was out of ignorance or an attempt to degrade their race’s dignity or even some twisted sense of mercy, did not matter. The Princess would regret her choice. She, as her people’s queen, could sense them all and communicate with them mentally. They had waited for so long, but now it was time.
The Elements would be handily taken care of. They had foolishly taken in a baby phoenix as a pet. They did not stop for an instant to think of the parents. Just like those self righteous fools. Philomena had read the Princesses’ letters. Today was one of the Elements’ play dates. All six of them would be there, ready to be taken out in one fell swoop. She reached out to the child, saw through his eyes. Yes, all the Elements were in place. Playing their games, unaware of what was to come. She sent her commands through the baby’s mind.
Now, child. Make your people proud.
That was all it took. She felt the child burn, the flames coursing through him. He was young; he was not ready to exude that fire yet. He would not survive. But he would not be forgotten. She saw through his eyes the Elements burning. Loyalty was incinerated mid nap. Generosity was shielded by a dragon, but it was a futile effort. His scales were not yet strong enough to shield against such flames. Honesty ran in vain. Kindness screamed in horror and pain, and Philomena took a special pleasure in her demise; she was yet another pony who had presumed to know her body better than she did. But Magic disappeared in a flash of purple light, likely instinctively. Then, it seemed the child himself had burnt out, for it was now mere black.
Suddenly, the same flash of light emerged in the room, taking the Princesses aback. There was the Element of Magic, fire still scorching her body. It seemed as though she was not quite fast enough. She screamed as the Princesses hurried to extinguish her. Philomena smirked and stretched her wings. Here was her part. Luna was weak to the fire, her body far more used to the cold of the moon. And usually Celestia would be too strong to be wounded by fire. She was the Sun Princess, after all. Philomena could unleash all she had on her, and Celestia would only have a few scorch marks. But that was on a normal day. She had been weakened by Chrysalis. She was still regaining her strength. Now was the time to strike.
She called out to her people, signaling them to attack. Swarms descended upon cities across the nation. Philomena flew to the top of the room, and unleashed the fire within.
Equestria would burn, and the phoenixes would rise from their ashes.
Hide and Seek (ScootaBelle, Romance/Slice of Life)
Hide and Seek was Scootaloo’s favorite game. Sure, ponies like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon said it was for little girls, but they were little girls. Maybe if those two remembered that, they wouldn’t be so stuck up! Anyway, Scootaloo loved it because there was so many awesome fantasies you could do. Like when you’re the seeker! Maybe you’re an alien hunter, looking for her prey. Maybe you’re trying to find a long lost relative. And when you’re the hider, maybe you’re on the run from the law. Maybe you’re the Chosen One, being hunted down by the villains so you wouldn’t fulfill your destiny.
Most of all, she liked the thought of being wanted, illegally or otherwise.
Anyway, today she was the Hider, and Sweetie Belle the Seeker. Apple Bloom had chores and couldn’t join in. Guiltily, Scootaloo found herself not minding that. Sweetie Belle was her first friend after all, and as much as she loved Apple Bloom, sometimes she just wanted to spend time with Sweetie alone, just the two of them. It had been a long time since their last mano e mano hide and seek. It was tenser, more personal. There was no other target; your opponent spent all their energy on you. Like the Termarenator. She had chosen the perfect spot. A branch high enough so that Sweetie wouldn’t notice it right off, but low enough so that she wouldn’t be stuck up there forever. Plus, it had a nice amount of leaves to cover her up. Now, she waited.
And with waiting, came thinking. Scootaloo didn’t tell anypony about this part. She’s the athletic one, you know? Thinking deep about stuff is for eggheads like Twilight. But Scootaloo liked taking a break once in awhile and looking back on her life. What went wrong last time, how she’ll do better next time, how radical her last stunt was, the like. But usually, her thoughts always came back to one pony.
Sweetie Belle. Her hyperactive, kind hearted best friend with a voice sweet as honey, and Scootaloo knew a lot about honey. She used to be alone, ignored by almost everypony, even Dash. The only ponies who did pay her attention was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and that was just to hurl insults at her. but that all changed when she met Sweetie Belle.
“Blank flank!”
“Loser!”
“Freak!”
They wouldn’t stop. Never did. Not until she ran off holding back the tears.
“Do you even have parents, or do you just live in the trash?” Diamond Tiara jeered. “You know what? That would explain a lot about that mane of yours!” They laughed at the same time. Scootaloo let them. Wasn’t any point in stopping them.
“Poor Scootaloo,” Silver Spoon piped in, “Doesn’t have a home, a fashion sense, or a Cutie Mark! It like she was born for failure!”
“Hey!” a shrill voice cried out. “Leave her alone!” That was new, Scootaloo noted. Somepony caring who wasn’t the teacher. And it was strange. She had this fancy purple and white mane and these shiny green eyes. She was pretty. Why was somepony like her standing up for her?”
“Excuse me, Blank Flank?”
“I said stop! Sure, she may not have a Cutie Mark, but I can tell she has a good heart! Something you two will never have!” A good heart? How could she know that? Scootaloo hadn’t done anything to deserve that praise.
“Oooooh, a good heart,” Tiara mocked. “Did we just step into a kiddy book?”
“I think I know her parents, Tiara. They’re the ones dressed up like dirty tourists.”
“And have those annoying accents?” Silver Spoon nodded. “Where’s your accent, yokel? Shouldn’t you be busy being stupid, don’t you know?”
“Stop that!” the filly shouted, tears forming. She’s a goner. You never let them see you cry. And just as she thought, the two circled around her, continuing their onslaught of insults. Scootaloo knew this pony didn’t deserve that. She was just trying to help a stranger. She was a good filly, not like her. For some reason, something built up in Scootaloo that she hadn’t felt in a long time.
Anger.
“Leave her alone!” Scootaloo shouted at the two, catching them off guard. “You act like you’re all that just because you have your Marks, but what do they even mean? Ooooh, I like tiaras! Ooooh, I like cereal! You two literally have Cutie Marks, for doing nothing! She may not have a Cutie Mark, but she’s twice the pony you two are, because she doesn’t bully other ponies just to feel important!”
The two were stunned; this was the first time Scootaloo retaliated like this. “Well, um... You’re dumb!” Silver Spoon responded.
“Idiot,” Tiara muttered. “For your information, Blank Flank, we have these marks cause, um, we’re better than you! L-let’s go, Silver Spoon! I was getting bored of this anyway!”
As they trotted away, Scootaloo felt pride, a strange feeling. She checked on the filly who came to help, who was sniffling and wiping her face clean of tears.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah, thanks to you. You were so cool! Nopony ever talked to them like that before!” she exclaimed, smiling up at her.
“Hey, it was nothing. I only got cool because you were cool first, swooping in to help me like that. You didn't even know me and you still helped!” She extended her hoof. “I’m Scootaloo. What’s your name?”
“Sweetie Belle,” she answered, grabbing it.
“Well, Sweetie Belle, since we have this cool effect on each other, why don’t we hang out sometime? Us blank flanks gotta stick together, right?”
“Really?” she squeaked, eyes lighting up.
“Heck yeah!”
“Yay!” she cheered, leaping to her feet, sadness gone. “I’ve never had a friend before!”
“Neither have I, so I guess we’re even. Now,” she grinned, “What do you wanna do first?”
Then everything changed. Suddenly, it was so much easier to be brave when Sweetie Belle was right beside her. If Sweetie Belle thought she was cool, then forget everypony else, she was cool! It was only thanks to her example that she stood up for Apple Bloom that fateful day. Life got better.
Suddenly, she heard a harmonic humming ring out. There Sweetie was, singing with animals watching the show like it was a fairytale. She was so beautiful. And so, so unprepared. No, she was the seeker. She was supposed to stay hidden. The spy deep in enemy territory. The chameleon. The fly on the wall. But as Sweetie finished her song beneath her, birds chirping in appreciation, looking so happy, so sweet, so- so Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo decided she’d much rather be the pony who pounced on her best friend.
And as they landed onto a pile of leaves, giggling, Scootaloo knew she made the right choice.
Discord woke up, leaping out of the bed. He hopped over to the large window in his room, opened it, and took a huge whiff. Ahhh. Smells like chaos, brimstone, and misery! Ponies were oh so stupid, blinded by their hope. They had thought he would be defeated so easily, that he had not thought of some contingency to save himself from the stone. It was all just part of the plan. When he executed the rest of it, the Princesses, Equestria, and all of society fell almost too easily. And the Elements? Those annoying, self righteous, lesson spewing brats were not given that luxury.
For you see, watching order crumble and seeing ponies turn on each other and commit heinous acts, finally revealing their true selves, well, even that got boring occasionally. So what to do when there’s no third rate rebellion to crush and when watching the status quo collapse gets too impersonal? Simple.
You see some friends. The Elements of Harmony, how he loathed them so. They were his antithesis, his opposite, so it was only natural to. But those blasted things messed with the natural chaos of things. They imposed order on the weather, on the animals, on every last thing in the world. There was no real conflict, real danger, real tragedy with those things removing the inherent unfairness of life. Discord would be the first to admit he’s done some corrupted things, but really, all of them pale to that perversion.
Anyway, letting those unnatural abominations just die would be letting them off too easy. And when you are a god, you have so many methods to make their lives a living Tartarus. With a snap of his fingers, he teleported to his favorite room, his special place. A flash of white light, and his bedroom was gone, replaced by a white room, filled with the six ponies, and nothing else.
Most ponies would’ve expected more machines. More stretchers, more tools, maybe a big pony with a black mask lurking around. But Discord knew those ponies were fools, for the best torture is not the physical, but the mental. And with a single finger to their heads, he had sent them to the darkest, most fearful places of their minds. Why torture someone yourself when you can have them do it for you? He surveyed their minds, and delved into the hells they had created for themselves.
Dash was kneeling in misery, crying amidst the bodies of everypony she had left behind in Ponyville to be a Wonderbolt. The ultimate failure of loyalty. Fluttershy watched over and over while her brainwashed self killed her friends in the most awful ways. Combining her hatred of hurting others with the trauma of being forcibly changed. it was quite a beauty. Pinkie was alone, discarded by those she had loved, relegated to being once again only a mere clown. All they did was laugh, over and over at her. Discord joined in on the fun before jumping to Rarity, who was watching all her life’s work collapse in flames, and her reputation ruined by the past. Applejack watched her parents and family die before her eyes, unable to save them no matter what she did. Sometimes, they died because of her. And Twilight was exploding in a burst of uncontrollable magic, taking all of Equestria with her. Ah, childhood trauma. Never fails to deliver.
But as fun as they all were, Fluttershy’s world got him into a morbid mood, and with a snap of his fingers he changed them. Now, Dash was getting her wings chopped off in the most horrible, agonizing ways. But she did not die. No, much worse. She was allowed to live, live as a cripple, a fake Pegasus. All she was was flying. What was she now, drifting through life?
Fluttershy was falling, just like the day she got her Cutie Mark. She was again forgotten and ignored. Nopony cared to notice her falling to her death. And this time, there were no miraculous butterflies. She crashed, sometimes dying on impact. Mostly, however, she merely broke many bones, and laid there, alone and crying. Begging for anypony to come and save her. Once her mind went an extra mile, and had all her animal friends devour her carcass. See? Ponies were far more fun than you’d first think.
Pinkie was again discarded, but this time in a much more brutal way. Her friends had suffered her last antic, and began beating her in a fit of annoyed rage. Such an extreme rejection! They had finally seen her for the pathetic, annoying, worthless waste of space she had tried to hide. Her misery was delicious.
Rarity’s was quite similar to Fluttershy’s. She too was falling, this time at the stadium Dash performed her Rainboom. But this did not end with a splat. No, Dash would save her. Only to then demolish her, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, for being such a selfish, worthless, cruel witch. Her other friends would follow Dash’s lead, and Rarity would be alone. Nopony wanted to see the works of such an awful pony.
Applejack lived. She lived out her life. She woke up, ate, bucked, sold, bucked, sleeped. Over and over again. Slowly dying inside as she realized she didn’t matter in the slightest. On her deathbed, she would curse the Apple family for burdening her with this life. Then, she’d die, only to wake up and repeat the cycle. Discord quite liked that one. It was artsy.
Twilight, though.... Twilight needed more. With a wicked grin, he placed his finger on her head, and brought her out of her mental hell. Only to bring her to each and every one of her friends’. He watched as she tried and failed to save them, as she puked at their gory remains. And when she had finally finished, he only turned her head to his and whispered, “You lost.” He savored the tears, the pained whimper, and the delightfully loud scream before he sent her mind back to where it belonged.
He grinned. And he snapped his fingers once again.
Spark (Twilight and Everypony, Implied Omniship, Sad)
There were many logical reasons as to why it shouldn’t be(Magic is important, Princess’ student, all those thesis papers and goals, etc.). But sometimes logic wasn’t the important thing. Sometimes, you just do what’s right based on feeling. And these five ponies taught her that. Taught her to trust, taught her to leap, to keep secrets, to live. She felt that she couldn’t live without any of them. She felt what she had to do.
And so their fearless leader extinguished herself, so her beloved sparks would keep burning.
Sadness (Pinkie and Everypony, Implied Omniship, Sad)
She was a party pony. And they were..... them. She thought of Applejack’s cooking, of when Dash showed her the stars, of Fluttershy reigning in arguments in seconds, of Rarity looking at her so lustily whenever she tried on a dress, and of Twilight waking up every morning and looking so happy and the littlest disbelieving when she saw her mares. She thought of how much she loved them all.
It was obvious what she had to do, silly.
And so the Element of Laughter gave her loves the greatest sadness they had ever known.
The Job Done (Applejack and Everypony, Implied Omniship, Sad)
Pure common sense. All her friends were so amazing, and were headin’ somewhere. Twi had a big egghead career ahead. Dash had the Wonderbolts. Rarity had fashion. And Pinkie and Shy might’ve been satisfied already, but they did amazing things, cheering up everypony in Equestria and taking care of every last critter that needed it.
And she was just a farmer.
But there was one thing a farmer like her could do. And it was keep her beloveds alive.
No fussin’. No crying. The farmer got the job done as quickly and practically as ever.
Danger (Dash and Everypony, Implied Omniship, Sad)
She didn’t have any real reason. Twilight was probably being “logical”. Applejack being “practical”. Pinkie and Fluttershy probably figured themselves less important(which was oh so wrong). And Dash was being …..Dash.
But she was just selfish. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing any of them, of suffering that pain. It was generous too, giving them life in exchange for hers. Funny how often those two went hand in hand.
She gave one last look to them all, smiled, and without regrets met her fate. The Element of Generosity had given her last gift.
Strength (Fluttershy and Everypony, Implied Omniship, Sad)
Because she loved them, and she always gave everything for those that she loved. It was funny. That final moment, that moment she thought she’d be most afraid of?
It was one of the only times where she had no fears or doubts at all. She whispered a quiet “Thank you,” to them all, and before they could catch on, she was gone.
She would use that strength they always brought out of her one last time.
It was going to be none of them, or it was going to be all of them.
Each pony had gone through their reasons in their head, had been about to make that sacrifice. But right before they could, all six of them had caught each others’ eyes. And they realized that one pony giving it all was never what it was about. It was about teamwork. Friendship.
Love.
They had began this together, and so it would end. Just as it always had been. And as they stood next to each other, nopony found themselves with a single regret.
Surprises (Twilight and Celestia, Omniship, Romance/Friendship/Family)
“I swear, the six of you are the strangest, most wonderful ponies I have ever seen in my life, and for me, that’s saying something.”
Twilight tore her eyes away from her-their beautiful airship. “I fail to see what you mean, Princess. We are just average newlyweds, going on a wild honeymoon.”
Celestia giggled. “Wild. That’s exactly the right word. Most ponies’ ideas of a wild honeymoon is going to some tourist trap for a week, seeing some sights, renting a hotel room, and well, in the next step, let’s just say my name is thrown around quite a bit,” she said with a wink, obviously enjoying Twilight’s deep blush. All these years, and the Princess could still get to her like that. “But you six? You’re going to spend a hundred days going around the world!”
“What can I say, Princess? We want our honeymoon to be special, and this just works for everybody! I get to see the world and take notes, Pinkie gets to meet new ponies and Griffons and such, Rarity gets to go to the cultural hotspots and see the fashion, Applejack gets to see their cooking, Shy gets to see new animals, and Dash gets to race dragons or find some sort of crazy trouble to get herself in. Besides,” Twilight’s voice lowered, getting sultry, “Being in that enclosed machine for a hundred days, just the six of us? I think your name will be thrown around a lot, Princess.”
Celestia sputtered for a second, and Twilight took in the glory of throwing off her teacher. When she recovered, Celestia only smiled. “Ah, the student has become the master, I see. Seems like only yesterday that being close to ponies even in a strictly friendship sense was embarrassing for you.”
“It does, doesn’t it? To think, there was a time I didn’t know these ponies at all. Not their names, not their jobs, not even where they live. I was completely unaware of their very existence! I feel so sorry for past me.”
“Don’t, my dear, Every last choice of hers, every step she took, led her to this moment. She found the happiness she didn’t even know she wanted. And everypony, from her family to her teacher, couldn’t be prouder of her.”
Twilight smiled at her mentor, eyes wet. “Thank you.” Celestia only nodded. Pinkie stuck her head out one of the windows.
“Twilight! We’re all set to go! We can’t leave without our Chief Smarty Pants!”
“I’m coming!” Twilight called back. She faced her teacher. “Thank you, for letting this happen.”
“Come now, Twilight. All I did was let you stay in Ponyville. I’d have been a heartless monster to say no.”
Twilight just smirked. “You know what I’m talking about. I’m not stupid, Princess. You planned it all out from the start, getting us Elements together. The fate of the world really did rely on me making friends.” She chuckled to herself.
Celestia just looked at that beautiful airship, painted with each of their colors and smiled. “Yes, I planned for the six of you to come together as the Elements of Harmony, as friends. But this? I could never plan something this perfect.”
“Yeah. Plans have a tendency to develop in ways you don’t expect. My girls taught me that that’s not always a bad thing. See you soon, Princess.” She gave her a quick nuzzle before trotting into the airship. And as Celestia watched it take to the skies, she marveled at the fact that somehow, after all this time, her little ponies just kept surprising her.
And she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Bad Teacher (Fluttershy and Dash, Flarity and Flutterdash, Sad)
Fluttershy knew Dash better than anypony. Not that their other friends didn’t know Dash very very well! She just knew her longer. Ever since flight camp. Dash had told her things she hadn’t told anypony else. She had shown Fluttershy her sensitive side very often. So of course Fluttershy noticed that something was wrong with Dash lately. Her smiles seemed faker, there was the slightest pain in her eyes. Fluttershy knew what it was because she had been in that same position not too long ago.
Dash was in love, and was hiding it, thinking the pony in question couldn’t possibly feel the same way. Fluttershy knew how that felt, how taxing keeping that desire could be. But she had finally went on and told Rarity, and somehow, she felt the same way! Ever since then, she had been happier than ever before! She felt like she was walking on air. And Dash was so close to that happiness, if only she’d take that step. After all, who wouldn’t want to date Dash? So Fluttershy quickly resolved to talk to and help Dash with this. She knew Rainbow would do the exact same in her position.
She knocked on Rainbow's door, and smiled when she opened it. “Oh,” Dash began, surprised, “Hi Shy!”
“Hi, Dash. Can I come in? I need to talk to you about something.”
“Er, is it important? Cause I’m kinda busy.” Fluttershy was taken aback, but didn’t show it. Dash always made time for her, no matter what. Only further proof of her infatuation. The poor dear was wallowing in so much self-pity and hopelessness that she wouldn’t even talk to her best friend! Yes, Fluttershy had had many days like that, but Dash continued on anyway. Fluttershy pushed on.
“Yes, it’s very important, Dash.”
She sighed and opened the door fully. “OK. Come on in.” Fluttershy sat on the couch. “You want a drink?”
“No thank you, Dash. I’d rather just jump right in, if that’s ok.”
“Completely ok. Yeah! Sure!” Dash seemed nervous. Fluttershy was the same way when she suspected Dash caught onto her crush. Her dearest friend sat next to her.
“Now, Dash. You know me and Rarity are happily together now, right?”
She snorted. “Course I do. The whole town probably knows. You two can’t keep your hooves off each other.” Her tone was unusually vindictive. Fluttershy was hurt, but pushed it back. She’s just defensive.
“We can’t help it, Dash. We’re just so happy. And we wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for you being there for me when I was hurting, when I was telling myself that there was no way somepony like her could love me. I was hurting, and was retreating even more than usual, remember?” Dash said nothing. “Well, I’m seeing that same thing in you Dash. And I just wanted to tell you I’m here for you, ready to help. And I’m going to give you the same advice you give me. Just talk to her Dash. Chances are, she probably feels the same way. After all, who doesn’t love Rainbow Dash, right?”
Dash bitterly chuckled. “Who couldn’t love loud, obnoxious Rainbow Dash? Rainbow Dash, who makes everything about her ego and her flying and herself?” This was going off track. Fluttershy was supposed to say that even if the pony didn’t, it would let Dash move on and so on. Dash wasn’t supposed to get so vitriolic on herself. She opened her mouth to reassure her, but Dash continued on.
“You wanna know the pony I’m in love with, huh? The pony I’m in love with is quiet, shy, kind, everything I’m not. She’s my oldest and best friend. And, and she’s dating the love of her life that I set her up with!” she screamed, eyes wet. “Now tell me, tell me what are the stinking chances of that ever happening?”
“D-Dash. I’m sorry.” It all made sense now. The less frequent visits and talks, the pained looks and smiles. She had thought it was about somepony else in the group, but they only happened when she was around. That must be why Pinkie or Applejack noticed. She didn’t know what to say. “I never knew-”
“You didn’t answer me. What are the chances of that happening?”
“I..... I’m sorry Dash. Zero. I just don’t love you like that.”
“Course not.”
“Oh, Dash...” She was leaning to hug her, to reassure her that she was wonderful, that she would find somepony someday, but.... but...
But Dash just pushed her away. “No. No, I can’t, Shy. You can’t. You can’t hug me and reassure me it’s all gonna be okay and that I’ll find somepony else because I can’t. I won’t, not while you’re here being all supporting and sweet and you. We.... we need to leave each other alone for awhile, Shy.”
“I-I understand, Dash. I-” she floundered for something to say, something that would fix it, keep them together as close as ever, as best friends, as sisters, as Fluttershy and Dash. But she could only choke out, “I understand.” She made way to the door, but looked back. “Promise me you’ll talk to Pinkie or Applejack or anypony.”
“Yeah.”
“Dash, I need you to know, that just because I don’t look at you like that, doesn’t mean that I don’t need you, that I don’t lo-”
“Don’t. Don’t say it.”
Fluttershy turned her head away, and flew out, her eyes dripping with tears, towards Rarity.
Starlight (Twimom- henceforth referred to Stardust- and Twilight, Family)
Their line was one of greats, and Stardust was hailed as one of the greatest. She had gone and studied in countries filled with the most dangerous beasts you could imagine, beasts that could flail you with their minds. She had ushered in several great policies despite almost every other representative being severely against them because it would interfere with their lavish lifestyle. Indeed, she had stood up to the Princess and disagreed explosively when she had voiced her disapproval. Stardust had done many difficult things. This was merely one more of them.
That was what she tried to tell herself. What came out, however, was more grunting, more screaming. It was completely understandable, considering the circumstances, but Stardust valued keeping a calm composure at all times. And she thought, more hoped really, that it would be easier the second time, that she had developed a tolerance for the pain. For you see, Stardust was having her second child.
“It’s okay, honey, I’m right here,” her beloved husband Nightlight reassured her.
“It’s almost through! Push! Push!” The doctor yelled. Really, was the yelling necessary? She had done this before, and it wasn’t like she wanted to keep this hellion inside her! She summoned her inner strength and, with a final push, her baby girl was let loose into the world. The doctor cut the umbilical cord, and stepped aside to clean her up and make sure she was healthy.
“We did it, honey,” Nightlight said through his tears.
Stardust snorted. “We? Excuse me, I believe it was I who had carried this foal for months, then had to endure that horror again!”
“It was my troopers who put her there in the first place! It’s like... a baton race of nature’s beauty
Stardust rolled her eyes. “More like a baseball game of nature’s cruelty,” she deadpanned. “You were the pitcher and I the batter. Anyone can throw a ball, but it takes skill to hit it.”
Her husband giggled, and Stardust dropped the facade and smiled in return. “You win, you win! I submit to your acidic wit.”
“Not the only thing you’ve submitted to,” she purred with a wink.
A cough from behind Nightlight. The doctor had returned with their child. Nightlight sheepishly smiled.
The doctor, to her credit, let it slide. “Here you go, folks,” she said, handing the child to Stardust. “She’s completely healthy.”
She snuggled her child, soothing it. Then she looked into her eyes and saw something. Something that somehow told her that for all that she had done, all that she had accomplished, her baby girl was going to do even more. Stardust would swear till the day she died that on that day, in that first time she looked into her child’s eyes, that she saw a light.
A spark.
“What are we going to name her?”
The name came instinctively. “Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle.” She kissed her bright star on the forehead. And as her darling son met her sister, and as they wallowed in their collective happiness, Stardust did something she loathed, something that she did sparingly.
She cried, flowing tears of happiness, just as she did last time.
Meet the Parents (Twilight, TwiFamily, and Pinkie, TwiPie, Family/Romance)
Twilight took a deep breath. They were going to love Pinkie. They had to love Pinkie. Because she loved Pinkie, and if she loved Pinkie that meant her parents had to too. That was how all her books went. Her books wouldn’t lie to her, right? Pinkie had promised to be in her best behavior, her hair straightened by a very difficult spell. She even wore a very, very good suit that made Twilight want to pounce on her right now and- No! No no no! No thoughts like that tonight. Well, not until dinner was over. Her mother valued class and sophistication and composure so very much. And Pinkie didn’t meet them by conventional standards. She looked at Pinkie, and Pinkie quickly relaxed her stiff, proper, upright posture for a second to smile reassuringly at her, before returning to that position in mere seconds. Twilight smiled fondly. She loved that mare, and Celestia darn it, her parents were going to to too, because she said so! Her fears replaced by determination, she rang the doorbell. Her mother answered it quickly. Twilight held back a gulp.
Her mother looked Pinkie up and down, scrutinizing for any flaw. Pinkie kept her calm disposition throughout. Finally her mother spoke. “Stop that.”
“Wha-” Twilight sputtered.
“Twilight, undo that spell, and Pinkie, stop trying to be the conventional perfect marefriend. This is a dinner, not a bloody children’s novel. We will have none of those cliche hijinks in my house.”
“Thank goodness!” Pinkie exclaimed, shaking herself about. “That was soooo awful! I mean, why would anypony want to stand like that, I mean really?”
Twilight’s mother smiled slightly. “I sometimes wonder the same thing. Now, Twilight, undo the spell.” Twilight, still dazed, nonetheless did as her mother commanded, reverting Pinkie’s hair back to its natural, bouncy state. “After you, Pinkie? Why don’t you go ahead and meet Nightlight? We’ll catch up in just a second.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Stardust! I could smell the food from out here, and it smells scrumditilious!” Pinkie hopped, skipped, and jumped into the house.
Pinkie Pie let her nose lead her to the dining room, the source of that amazing scent. There, she found Twilight’s father, dressed in an apron setting the table. He looked up at her and smiled.
“You must be Pinkie, huh?”
“Yup! Nice to meet you, Mr. Nightlight! You make this scrumditilious food yourself?”
“Scrumditilious!” he exclaimed grinning. “Those were my words exactly when I made this feast of the gods. When scrumptious just isn’t a good enough word. Anyway, yup, this is all me. I love Stardust, but she is best kept away from the kitchen.”
“Boy, do I understand that! Twilight is the smartest, geniusest pony I know, but put her in a kitchen and it’s smokier than a dragon’s nose, and believe me, I know a dragon’s nose!”
Nightlight chuckled. “Ah, yes. I tried teaching Twilight, but alas, she took too much from her mother. Nothing I could do,” he humorously sniffed.
“I am sorry for your tastebud’s loss, sir,” Pinkie said mock sadly, head hung low. The two grinned at each other.
“Now, Pinkie, as the protective parent of the mare you’re trying to date, I have the expectation of giving you ‘the speech.’ ‘If you ever hurt her you’ll regret it,’ ‘she’s more fragile than she looks,’ yadda yadda yadda. But I look at you and somehow, I think you know that already. That you would rather die than hurt her. That right?”
“Right,” Pinkie confirmed, nodding her head resolutely.
“I knew you were a common spirit. So, what do you say we skip that, and get to the fun part?”
Pinkie grinned.
As Pinkie bounced into the house, Twilight’s mother shook her head fondly. “Scrumditilious.”
Twilight continued gaping. “How-how’d you know?”
“Because, my darling, you can change a crazy pony’s posture, a crazy pony’s hair, even a crazy pony’s personality. But you cannot change a crazy pony’s eyes, and I know that look in a pony’s eyes very well. I wake up beside it every morning. Plus, I pulled the same trick when I was your age. Now, come. It’s been too long, my bright star.” Stardust flicked her head to signal Twilight to come in, and turned inside. Twilight followed.
“You’re not mad?”
“About what?”
“About the fact that I lied to you?”
“Understandable. Like I said, I did the same to my parents, albeit more successfully. For a short while at least. You know how much I value class and composure and sophistication. The average pony should strive for these values. However,” she began as they walked into the dining room, “our loves are far from average.”
There, Pinkie and Nightlight were playing with their food. “Waddya say to me?” Pinkie asked, taking on an accent. “Stop being so chicken,” she emphasized, waving a leg around,”and say it to my face!”
“I said,” Nightlight began, taking on an equally ridiculous accent, “I refuse to lettuce,” he said twirling around the food, “become family!” The two devolved into hysterics.
“I like for everypony to try and have some piece of class, but I know lost causes when I see one. Ready to eat and roll our eyes long sufferingly at the loves of our lives?”
“And we’ll throw around the occasional deadpan one liner here and there?” She and her mother smiled at each other. “There’s nothing I want to do more.”
Fakery (Ditzy Doo, Rarity, and 9th Doctor Whooves, Sad/Crossover)
It was her fault. Her stupid fault. She could’ve stayed where he left her, could’ve done as he asked. Sure, he said it was hopeless, but he was The Doctor. He always got out if hopeless situations. He just couldn’t be distracted by her. He would’ve come up with some ingenious plan that would’ve defeated the Daleks, get him back to her, and they would get back on the TARDIS, back to the stars, back to the ways things should be. It shouldn’t be like this.
He shouldn’t be dying.
And it was all her fault. The Doctor recouped from another burst of pain and stared deep into Rarity’s eyes. “No, I know that look. Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare blame yourself!”
“But Doctor!” she choked out. “If I had just stayed where you left me, if I hadn’t opened the TARDIS-”
“Then I’d be dead.”
“You’re dying now!”
“No, I’m not. We Time Lords have a trick, a way to subvert death. We regenerate our cells, our bodies, and become something different, yet the same. Oh, the places I was gonna take you. There’s a planet, Dag, that has the most amazing fashion. You’re going to love it. I will too. Just in a different way than I would before.” He spasmed again, light seeping through his skin, and Rarity reached forward to help him. “No! Stay back! You can’t touch me, too dangerous.”
“Doctor... I should’ve said this a long time ago. I love you. I love your big ears and your stupid grin and your cheesy one liners and that leather jacket and I love you, Doctor! Please! Please! You have to find a way!”
The Doctor snorted. “Just like you, to tell me that now of all times. Just like me too, to wait until now to say I love you back.”
“Doctor...”
“I’m sorry, Rarity. I can’t hold it back any longer. I have to go. Please, Rarity. Will you still love me after this?”
“I-”
The Doctor jerked violently, gasping in pain. The light coming out of his skin was even brighter now. “Guess I’ll have to wait and see, eh? Rarity. Oh Rarity. You need to know this. You need to know this more than anything else. even running. You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.” He grinned one more time, content with his fate while Rarity’s tears rained down her face. He dropped to the floor and the energy poured out of his body. Light blinded Rarity’s eyes. Slowly, it dissipated, and the Doctor slowly stood up. Except it wasn’t him. He was grey with a blond mane and curious eyes of a different eye color that spread away from each other. The jacket was now too big from him, and his newfound wings outstretched had torn two holes in his jacket.
That, and he didn’t seem to be a he anymore.
The imposter shook his, her, his head, and then grinned. But not the real grin. “This is new! Finally, a body of a mare! Took way too long for this to happen if you ask me! And these eyes! Everything looks so new and strange, just the way I like it!” She spun her eyes around in a circle and giggled.“Plus, I just seem... happier this regeneration. Maybe it’s because of my symbolic sacrifice of my last regeneration so that you will live, redeeming myself for the lives I took in the Time War and finally becoming at peace with myself.” She scratched her chin, deep in thought. She dropped her hoof and smiled at Rarity. “Or maybe it’s because a certain somepony just said she loved me! Yup, things are looking up for Mister-Miss-er, gosh, you ponies and your pronouns! So unnecessary if you ask me! Point is, I think things are looking up for me, don’t you think?” Rarity said nothing, instead continuing to stare at this imposter. She was so.... wrong. Bouncy and flighty and cheery and wings and wrong, defaming the real Doctor’s legacy.
She flew over to the console. “And wings! I can fly again! Earth Ponies are amazing, but mixing it up never hurts! Too bad about tearing up the jacket, but that’s okay. Not really my style, I don’t think. I feel like a suit! I wanna feel fancy!”
The jacket. Do I pull it off? See, I was just worried, cause before this I usually wore these big extravagant suits, you know. I thought I’d bring it down a little this time.
Rarity felt an uncontrollable surge of anger and despair swell inside her. This liar, this faker couldn’t be the Doctor! She was lying, she had to be.
“So, Dag right? They have great fashion, and more importantly, muffins! Ooooh, would you look at that! Apparently I have an intense love and craving for muffins now! Isn’t that-”
“Who are you?” Rarity hissed.
“What?” The Faker asked, confused.
“Who are you? Where’s the Doctor? What have you done with him?” She shriked. The Faker shrunk back.
“Rarity, it’s me. I’m the Doctor, I’m just a tenny bit different! But inside, I’m still the same person!”
“He always found a way. Maybe teleportation, swapping with somepony else. Maybe he called in favors. The Silurians own us, surely they helped him..” she muttered to herself, in denial.
“Rarity, it’s me! First day I met you, I told you to run and blew up your shop. Second time, you slapped me so hard I get phantom pains! I told you of your amazing future, I convinced you to let me take Spike aboard for an adventure or two, and just a few minutes ago I told you that I love you!” she exclaimed desperately. “It’s me.”
“Then-then what he said is true? The regeneration?”
“Yes,” she answered in relief, smiling.
“Then... he’s gone.”
‘Wait, no, he’s me, he’s not gone cause I am him, just arranged differently-”
“Replaced by you, this perversion, this mockery that is as far from him as you can get!”
The Doctor jumped back, as if struck. “I... I..... perversion?” she whispered, eyes welling with tears.
“Take me home. I’m done. I need to... I need to grieve.” And just like that, the realization seemed to truly weigh upon her, and she collapsed in despair to the floor.
“R-Rarity...” She tried to reach her hoof out to Rarity, to comfort her, but was swatted away.
“I said take me home!”
The Doctor slunk away back to the console to do so. And as she pressed the buttons and pulled the levers, her tears fell onto the floor, and deep inside, The TARDIS weeped with her.
I didn’t kiss her or violate her personal space or anything. She kissed me. And then she ripped my heart into a thousand pieces.
For one moment, everything was perfect and crystal clear and beautiful. It was a story our kids would’ve loved to hear. A sleepover filled with crazy hijinks and humorous misunderstandings. I’d tell them that I thought their mother was in love with Applejack, and they’d go “Ew, Auntie Applejack?” and we would laugh together. That’s all I see. What could have beens and what looked like they were going to be and houses and kids and her. All I see is her.
Her kiss keeps replaying in my head, over and over and over. As does the revelation that it was all a prank, all an effort to get me back for something I did that she said she didn’t remember! Just a stupid, childish, immature, annoying prank, just like her!
That’s what I keep telling myself. I keep reminding myself of her horribleness and try to forget the clear blue eyes and the way her face lit up when she saw me and her laugh and everything.
Spike hugged me for hours that night. He’s there. He’s always been there for me. He’s all I ever needed. Me and him, that’s the way it should be. Because if this is what friendship leads to, to heartbreak and betrayal and hatred, then I don’t want it anymore. I wish I could give it all back. Just forget it all and go back to Canterlot where things were simple and easy. That dull pain of loneliness was a million times better than what I have now.
She left, on some trip. Don’t know how long she’ll be gone. Didn’t even get to yell at her more, to curse her with all my being, to get some kind of closure. But she’ll be back eventually. I sometimes fantasize of teleporting into the room she left behind and just wrecking it, tearing every last piece of it apart, but it would only dull the pain for a little while. No, I can wait. I can wait till she gets back and then I’ll unleash every last hateful word, every last reason I despise her, every last reason why she is the most deceitful, cruel pony I have ever met so that maybe, just maybe, she’ll be just as broken as I am.
Or maybe I’ll just fall on my knees and beg her to love me.
I kissed her.
It was stupid and mean but I just couldn’t help it. She was so clueless, so adorably oblivious! I mean really, Applejack? I love Jackie, but not like that!
I forgot for just one second. I forgot the past, the things I’d done, who I was. I forgot it all for one moment, like I was having the most amazing dream.
But that’s the bad part about dreams, I guess. You have to wake up to reality. And-and I had to do it, I had to do all those awful things! You just don’t get it! You don’t know! You probably hate me. Well, join the club! Club founder: Pinkamena Diane Pie, Her Royal Stupidness, Her Royal Monster, Her Royal Meanie! I know just how bad I am. That’s why I had to do it.
I saved her a lot of pain by giving her a little less pain. I know she’s hurting, but she’s the strongest, smartest pony I know. She’ll wise up, and forget about awful me. She’ll move on and meet somepony wonderful and have cute little fillies and maybe, just maybe, she’ll forgive me and let me be her friend again, because being a friend is better than being nothing, no matter how much it hurts to pretend I don’t dream of being worthy of her.
A pony can dream, can’t she? Dreams keep ponies happier more than anything. Don’t I deserve a tiny bit of that? I’m not a completely awful pony, right?
It’s not love. But it’s easy to pretend it is, when she’s so cute and great and so reminiscent of her. Looks-wise, they aren’t that alike. Eyes of gold instead of blue. Blonde hair that goes down instead of up. Grey instead of pink and of course, wings. But you just had to look deeper, and Twilight was very good at that.
The eyes had the same... not innocence, no, perseverance, perseverance in believing that despite all the awful things they had seen, ponies were naturally good, and life was great. The hair was just as innocently disorganized, the mare too busy with some endless wacky adventure to even realize that she hadn’t tidied it up. But that was all secondary to the pony within.
Ditzy was so good. Bouncy and caring, always trying to cheer up ponies no matter how they treated her before. Whether they were laughing with her or at her didn’t matter. She was clumsy, could hardly stay in one place. She had no self control, experiencing the greatest happiness and the lowest sadness. She was amazing. So you may ask why, when Twilight spoke of her so highly, did she not love her? The answer’s simple.
Twilight loved Pinkie. And she loved only the Pinkie part of Ditzy. They had differences but none substantial, and whenever one surfaced Twilight would just remove it from her memory, and subtly make sure Ditzy stayed more in line with her Pinkieness. It was wrong and cruel. It was not love, and Twilight knew Ditzy knew this. Ditzy was not dumb as so many ponies assumed. She had the same unique intellect as Pinkie. But Ditzy still loved Twilight so much, so completely and devotedly, the way that Twilight had always imagined Pinkie would be with her.
The way Pinkie was with Rarity right now. Rarity, the unicorn who was everything she wasn;t. Smooth, romantic, classy, a looker. She wasn’t an awkward bookworm, a dangerously overeager student, a condescending, annoying, boring little egghead. She was Rarity, beautiful fashionista, famous dressmaker, the catch that anypony would never let go of. Twilight could never compete with that, and if she was a good pony, she would’ve accepted that, tried to move on, and if she couldn’t, would’ve had the decency to suffer in silence, alone.
But Twilight was not a good pony. And when in every social occasion they would share pecks or nuzzles or just perfect looks of true love, Twilight could not bear the pain naturally. She needed anesthetic. And Ditzy was that anesthetic. When she passionately kissed that mare who would kiss just as passionately back, when she heard that mare’s special giggle only she would hear, she could pretend that Pinkie was with her, and Rarity was the one pretending, the one stringing along a good mare like Ditzy. But Rarity was a better mare than Twilight. That’s why she got Pinkie. That’s why she deserved Pinkie. A good pony would know that, and overcome these awful feelings. But Twilight was a very bad pony.
I love her. But I’m not dumb, no matter what ponies think sometimes. Twilight tells me that I’m not dumb, and she’s the smartest pony ever! I love her so much, but I am not dumb. I know she doesn’t love me back. But that’s ok! It’s not like she’s mean to me or anything. She’s so nice, and caring, and respectful. I don't get a lot of respect. She sees past these eyes and sees.... well, not really me, but close enough. Twilight sees her true brains in me, and that’s close enough, right? Most ponies don’t see brains in me at all.
And she’s a good pony. She thinks she’s not, but that’s just more proof. Evil doesn’t regret being evil. She’s saved the world dozens of times. She knows things I could never comprehend. She does anything for her friends, heck, the town, and she always forgives them. Just one look in those big, purple kind eyes and you can see it. This spark of greatness. She’s the greatest pony I know.
But she’s still a pony. She’s not invincible. She still hurts. her heart is so open and inexperienced. She can’t suffer it alone. So if I can pay back this wonderful pony for all the good deeds she’s done by letting her pretend I’m somepony else, that’s ok. And it’s a two way street. I can pretend too. I can pretend that the love in her eyes is for all of me, not just the Pinkie-like parts.
My momma used to tell me when I was a filly that love finds a way, that as long as you have love in your heart, you always get your happy ending. I can hear filly me right now. “But... but.. you love her! Love finds a way! Mommy says so!” But she’s so young. She doesn’t know yet. Adults, we have to pretend. So I can pretend that that’s not a white lie made to comfort a little girl. I can pretend that Twilight will eventually love me for me, or maybe I’ll finally end it and say I can’t take it anymore, and then she’ll realize that she can’t live without me, not Pinkie me, me, and romantically win me back. Standing in the rain is not required, but it’d be nice. It won’t happen. Like I said, I’m not dumb.
What do you wanna hear? That I looked at Rare from across the room and it was love at first sight? Or maybe she fell in love with me when I rather awesomely saved her life? Maybe there was a jerk ex that she was dating that caused me to get ultra jealous and realize my true feelings or some junk like that? Come on! You obviously read way too much romance novels, just like her. This isn’t a romance novel. I didn’t angst about how she was “the perfect pony for me” and how I could never be good enough. I just thought she looked fine and we had a lot of fun together. So I asked her out and she said yes. It’s nothing serious. At least, not yet.
Making fun of Applejack with her is a blast. We compete for the best zinger, and man, does Rare come up with some good ones. Plus, Applejack’s face! I mean, it’s priceless! And Rare just gets me, you know, and I get her. Like, when I just need to get this trick down and need some peace and quiet, she doesn’t take it personally cause she’s the same way when she works on a dress. Plus, she's even a bit helpful sometimes. Ever since the whole magical wings thing, Rare loves watching me fly. She even loves going to Wonderbolt shows with me. Heck, one time when some bullies from flight school tried to start something, Rare just verbally took ‘em down! Like, I can’t remember it all, but she just laid into them, like what had they done with their lives while I was off working my way up and saving the world? She even cussed them out! It was awesome!
Er, anyway, like I said, she’s been a big help. She’s been picking up on the flying lingo and technical terms, and with her flightless unicorn perspective she comes up with some surprisingly good ideas. It’s nice to see somepony on the ground take an interest in what I do, you know? But when I looked down, sometimes I saw a bit of jealousy in her eyes. So on our one month anniversary? I took her flying on my back. Above the clouds, looking down at the ground. It was beautiful. She loved it.
…. OK, that sounds pretty cheesy. But like I said, it isn’t serious. It’s not love. It’s just like-like at the moment. But.... I can see it becoming love. I can see us sitting on the porch, grumbling and teasing whippersnappers that pass by. I can see us becoming the power couple of pony media, Dash, star Wonderbolt and rarity, top fashionista in Canterlot. Rare would keep me from doing anything stupid with her knowhow of the famous life. I see this because I like her. I like talking with her, I like watching the serious look on her face when she works, and the tiny pout she gets when a dress is being difficult. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Isn’t your “true love” or whatever supposed to be your best friend, supposed to be somepony you have fun with? It’s not love, but I can feel it getting there. And honestly?
I can’t wait.
Apples and Oranges (Applejack, Apple Family, Everypony, Pinkie, and Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random/Comedy)
She moved gracefully through the dark. An eager grin was on her face. Finally, she had all she needed. Finally, she could get out of that hick town and back to true civilization. Her mission was complete, and the Apples were doomed. Everything was going to plan.
Until five, very annoying ponies descended upon her. Damn it! I thought I was free of those pests! She adjusted the tie on her suit, reached for the handy pistol she kept in her hat, and turned to face her attackers. That was the only reason why she kept that horrid thing with her anyway. She aimed at the weakest link. Twilight was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria,Dash was the fastest Pegasus, Fluttershy had talked down dragons, and Pinkie was unpredictable. But Rarity? She was just a dressmaker. She put on her best poker face and stared at the five, daring them to make a move.
“What the hay are you doing, Applejack!?” exclaims Dash in disbelief.
“Celestia, I hate that name. Got rid of it long ago, I go by.... Orangejack.” she smoothly replied in a Trottingham accent.
“...That’s somehow an even worse name!”
“Orangejack? What are you talking about? First you knock out Applebloom, then you go missing in the night and all the secret Apple family recipes are gone! What’s happening here?” Twilight asked, trying to gain control of the situation.
“I told you of my Cutie Mark story, did I not? Well, I fudged the details a little. I found my home alright. I found my home with the classy, sophisticated Oranges. I joined their ranks, and they sent me back here as a spy, to gain information on their secret recipes and their illicit deals. The Oranges and the Apples have a very violent family rivalry, you see. It’s taken me two decades of my life, but I’ve done it. I got all I’ve needed, and when I get to the drop site, the Apples are doomed!” she chuckled an evil, dastardly chuckle.
Rarity, facing down the barrel of a gun held by her former close, rural friend who she had just found out was a spy and was speaking inexplicably in a Trottingham accent while wearing a fabulous suit, found only one thing would come out her mouth. “Celestia, is anypony else getting a little hot in here?”
“But that doesn’t make any sense! What about the Elements?” Fluttershy asked.
“I guess I’m just so good at what I do I fooled the Princesses themselves! Really, all this was an unplanned accident. All this Element shit is way more than I signed up for.”
“I know you’re pointing a gun at one of our friends, and that you’ve been lying to us from the moment we met you, but I can’t get over this. The Oranges are from Manehatten! Why do you have a Trottingham accent?” Twilight screamed, horribly confused.
The arrival of ponies with orange Cutie Marks and guns spared Orangejack from answering. “Oops, I lied again. Did I say when I get to the drop zone? I meant now that I’m at the drop zone!”
But then, ponies with apple Cutie Marks and guns came up behind them. “Put it up, AJ. Or is it OJ now?” Big Mac snarled.
“Does nopony else see how ridiculous this is!?” shouts Twilight.
“We trusted you! We thought you were family!”
“Just gos to show how stupid all that inbreeding has made you.”
` “I should blow off your head right now,” he snarled.
“Even you aren’t that dumb. Seems as though we’re evenly matched.”
“Wrongoronie!” Pinkie exclaimed, finally speaking up. “All along, I’ve been an undercover cop, trying to bust these illegal food families! I’ve got all the dirt on the Cakes, and with your presences and the info AJ, um, OJ, maybe AOJ? Omigosh, Apples and Oranges! I get the rivalry! It’s because you guys are as different as Apples and Oranges!” She snorted, showing that her eccentric personality, at least, was real. “Where was I? Right! With all this, I can finally bring two you guys too! Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve succeeded! I mean, my story was full of holes! A rock farm? Really? You guys bought that?” Everyone turned their guns on her. “Stop right there! I got snipers on you right at this instant! Surrender, and you’ll live. Prison doesn’t have the bad food the stereotypes say it does, guys, honest! I help cook and it is delish!”
“I’m not going to jail! You have to kill me first!” exclaimed Orangejack.
“For once, the Oranges and the Apples agree,” Big Mac said.
“It’s just *bleep*in’ food!” cried Twilight.
Then came the first gunshot, causing one of the most infamous, bloody massacres of the Food Gang Wars, and believe me, there were many massacres in this rivalry. That’s how I got this scar on my uvula. On my pancreas too, but you don’t want to see that. Poor Pancreas. Nopony ever wants to see him.
I suppose the lesson here is, families and food don’t matter. Not as much as peace and love and the common tie between all ponies. If we focus on that, if we just do the right thing, maybe things will change. I don’t know. But I can hope. That’s what we all need, and that’s what those people lacked, what led them to go into gangs. Hope. Always keep hope. Remember that.
Scootaloo came out of the room with a face of sheer disbelief on her face. She said nothing for several seconds.
“Well?” asked Apple Bloom.
“You know how Pinkie tells weird stories?”
“Yeah?” Sweetie answered.
“They’re even weirder when she’s sick.”
Living Nightmare (Applejack and the Apple Family, Random/Comedy)
Applejack took a deep breath as she looked around the table. She knew there was a good chance that Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, and Big Mac would hate her for this. For who she was. But she couldn’t hide it anymore. Not from them, at least. The rest of the world would know when the time was right. Finally, she began.
“Now, family, I have something to tell you. I know that over the past two years, you’ve all noticed a change in me. Or maybe I’m crazy, and ya’all never noticed at all!” She chuckled, and they chuckled in return. “But I have changed. And I hope you guys will accept that change.”
“Aw, spit it out already! We’ll love you no matter what! No need for this dramatic hogwash!” Granny Smith shouted.
“Heh, always right to the point, aren’t you Granny? This whole routine is more for me anyhow. Makes it easier to say it. Two years ago, I truly met five ponies, and had an adventure of a lifetime. And that adventure awakened feelings in me. When me and those girls came together as Elements of Harmony and faced Nightmare, the thing that possessed Luna and banished it, I felt strange. Like I felt true power for the first time. Do-do you get what I’m saying?”
“Of course, Applejack. We don’t care if you love mares. You’re still Applejack,” Big Mac calmly stated.
“What.”
“Yeah, who cares? You love who you like, AJ! You’re still my big sis!”
“What.”
“You got your heartrending confession out, Applejack. You love mares, we love you, you’re still Applejack, yadda yadda. Just sit down and eat ya peas!”
“No! You guys misunderstand! Me loving mares is not what I came to confess! I meant that on that day, I stared upon something truly beautiful, truly magnificent. I saw Nightmare, and I took her in and became her host, her vessel in Equestria.”
Silence.
“What,” They all intoned.
“I have become the host for all that is evil and wrong! What’s hard to understand?”
“But-but why?” sputtered Big Mac.
“Because it is beautiful. Ponies suffer moral dilemmas every day, wondering if what we do is right or wrong. It doesn’t. It knows what it does is wrong, and it’s liberating! Besides, I give and give and give for the family, the farm, my friends, Ponyville, Equestria, what have you. I figured, why not take for a change? I wanna take the whole world!” She beamed proudly.
“Nuh uh! No way! No granddaughter of mine is the physical embodiment of evil!” spat Granny.
“Not the physical embodiment of evil! The physical host of evil! Will you at least try to understand!? All I want is true, ultimate power, to rule over all, and smite those who oppose me!” She paused. “And destroy all carrots. No more carrots in Equestria. Can’t ya’all see the good in that? This is who I am!”
“Yeah, Granny! It’s the twenty first century!” exclaimed Apple Bloom. “So what if AJ’s host to an unspeakable evil? It’s her choice, and you have to accept that!”
“She. Is. Evil!” she hissed.
“Granny,” AJ groaned, “I’m not evil, the thing I’m hosting is Evil! Gosh, will you at least try to understand?”
“Out! Git out you vile thing! Out and don’t come back!”
“Granny!” Big Mac pleaded.
“No, it’s her house, her right. For now. When I rule, everything belongs to me. But that’s besides the point.” She trotted to the door, grabbed the handle, and said one last thing. “Granny, you’ll regret this. Cause rejecting family, it changes ya. The damage your guilt will cause ya will do worse to you than I ever could.” A pause. “But I’m still gonna make you three the first examples of my power and burn the farm down. Maybe locusts instead. Or a flood. Meteors? Hm. I dunno. Haven’t decided yet. Cross that bridge when I get there.” She shrugged. And then she was gone.
Heart on the Line (RariDash, Romance/Comedy/Random)
Dash dodged another punch, ducking under an arm. She leaped away from the beast and over some barrels, sprinting away. She knew it would be right behind her. And sure enough she was right. A giant, moving heart basheed through three barrels and was speeding towards her. How did she keep getting into these situations? She took a look at the white pony strapped to a table. Oh yeah, because on a day when she was supposed to just clear the skies and enjoy the show, she somehow fell in league with five crazy ponies, and this one was the craziest! Well, except maybe Pinkie. And Shy sure could blow off steam if she wanted to. Plus there was the whole no letter incident with Twilight.....
She narrowly dodged another hit. Focus, Dash! Just mere seconds later, however, she couldn’t resist the urge to snipe at the pony causing her predicament. “Gee, Rare, thanks for causing your heart to go crazy and kill me! Totally how I wanted to spend my weekend!”
“It’s not my fault!” she indignantly yelled. “Blame those Chrystal Ponies and their weird diamonds!”
“They told you not to touch them, but nooo, it would look oh so fabulous on a dress!”
“If it’s anypony’s fault, it’s yours, Dash!”
“Me!?”
“You! With your annoyingly funny jokes, and lean, toned body, and your stupid roguish face!” The heart grew even bigger, and made another grab for Dash with its huge hands. Dash barely avoided it.
“Rare! I can understand that with a mare like me, this may be impossible, but can you please stop gushing over my awesomeness for a second?!”
“I didn’t ask for you to be my heart’s desire!”
Dash sighed. “True, I’m just so smoking. Nopony can resist me. Guess it is kinda is my fault, not yours. Why Celestia burdened me with such coolness, I’ll never know.” The giant heart lunged for Dash, taking a big jump.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Why are you my heart’s desire again?” She sighed. “But it’s not meant to be, which I suppose is symbolized by my heart crushing you. Rather heavyhanded, if you ask me, but eh.” She shrugged.
“What?!” She stopped in her tracks, and the heart flew over her and fell into a pile of mud.
“Daaaaaash!” she whined. “You’re really mucking up my heart this time! There is no way I’m letting such a filthy thing back in my chest!”
“Focus, Rare! Why is it ‘not meant to be’?” The heart slowly got to its feet.
“Well, you’ve made clear your idea of a good mare before. How’d you describe her? Oh yes. ‘Someone who’s, like, totally hot and a body like woah, dude. And she’s gotta know her way around the track, you know what I’m sayin’, brah?’”
The heart was back on its feet, and Dash was running once again. “First off, I so do not sound like that!” she yelled. “And second, you’re totally hot! Rare, you’re beautiful!”
Rarity blushed, but turned her face way. “Oh, goody, I qualify for one of your lays. Huzzah, all my dreams have come true!” she sarcastically enthused.
“One of my what?” Dash took to the sky, disorienting the heart and causing it to spin. She landed in front of Rarity. “What are you talking about?”
“‘Knows her way around a track?’ Dash, please. Only a filly wouldn’t know what that implies.”
“Celestia, really?” Dash smacked her own forehead with her hoof. “I meant that literally! I want somepony who gets what I do, who takes an interest in what I do and gets it, and Rare, you get it!”
Rarity blushed again. “What can I say? Flying was such an invigorating experience, such an one of a kind feeling, I just had to see more of it.”
“See! Pinkie flies around in her crazy machines, and Twi flies in her balloon, but they don’t get it! And-and you’re hilarious, and smart, and beautiful, and Celestia, Rare, you could get any mare you wanted with one word, and that includes me! All you had to do was ask, Rare.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll take you on a date as soon as I crush your heart into a million pieces and man that did not come out as romantic as I intended.” Rarity snickered, and Dash grinned.
“Well, how about a kiss for luck?”
“How can I argue with that?” They closed their eyes, and Dash leaned in, just as the heart snuck up behind her, ready to smash. But as soon as their lips meet, the heart shrunk and fell to the floor.They broke the kiss to stare at it, and it had begun crawling its way across the floor back to Rarity’s chest.
“Ewwww, it’s all dirty and nasty! Dash, be a dear and give it a quick cleaning?”
“Woah, no way, Rare. I don’t go around touching that kind of stuff till at least the third date!”
They laughed heartily together.
“But seriously Dash, it’s so dirty and it’s crawling up on me and cleanitcleanitcleanit!”
Masquerade (Aged Up ScootaBelle and SweetiePie, Sad)
It wasn’t fair. They were supposed to be together forever. Two childhood friends, the headstrong stuntmare and the sweet musician. They were each other’s first love. Sweetie used to call her ‘my sweetie’. Probably still uses that line. Scootaloo loved her, she really did. She didn’t neglect her, she gave her presents and roses, she was damn romantic. But she didn’t love her back. At least, not as much as Pinkie.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” she said. “It just doesn’t feel right,” she said. What she meant is it’s not you, it’s Pinkie. What she meant was Pinkie felt so much better. She never had a chance. When a pony decides that a mare like Pinkie Pie is her type, you can’t compete. Cause there’s nopony like Pinkie Pie. But a pony like Scootaloo? Dime a dozen. All her life she’s spent trying to be Dash, who was trying to be Spitfire or some other Wonderbolt, who was just trying to be their idol. Heck, she was an even worse imitator than the rest. Couldn't even fly. A scrappy, flightless carbon copy of every reckless, daring Pegasus. Of course Sweetie would get bored with her. Everypony else did.
Worst part is? She couldn’t even be mad, yell at Sweetie Belle and her ‘true love’. Cause you can’t yell at ponies like Pinkie and Sweetie and come off as the good guy. She had been forced to read enough of Sweetie’s cheesy novels to know she’d just be the jealous ex, hated by the book and everyone in it and would be punished from above for daring to be hurt, for daring to want some kind of closure.
So she kept her mouth shut. She smiled and joked and ignored the heartache, the urge to punch out that smiling, unknowing pink face. She put on the tears and acted like she was freaking honored to be the best mare at their perfect wedding. It was easy to put on the mask again. She only put it down for one pony. And she wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Better to be rejected with the mask on. You put the mask down, you get rejected for who you are. Or even worse, rejected because you’re good, but not good enough, not perfect, because you don’t have eyes as blue as the sea or an angelic voice or hair that falls into place in perfect disarray.
So she slipped back into the mask, playing her role in the love story of the ages.
Dash took a look at Twilight, Pinkie, Shy, and Spike and turned away with a sigh. “They’re all asleep,” she grumbled.
“Can you really blame them, dear? I mean, Twilight went off all lone wolf, Pinkie had to go into overdrive trying to keep an entire empire happy, poor Fluttershy was jousted-”
“For the good of an empire!” Dash interrupted.
Rarity rolled her eyes and continued. “And Spikey Wikey saved the entire world! They deserve a rest,” Rarity said.
“Besides, Dash, three of us, all alone? Figured you’d be all over that,” AJ stated with a wink.
“I thought I’d just get in the way,” Dash began with a smirk. “I mean, you two were all over each other. ‘But Rare, things are greata when they’re a raritah,’” Dash drawled in an exaggerated Apple accent. “‘ Awww, you!’” she giggled in just an exaggerated posh accent. She then proceeded to make loud smooching noises.
“Awww, is my poor knight jealous?” Rarity mock pouted.
“What? No!” she vehemently denied.
“Now, Dash, it’s okay to be jealous. It’s only natural in relationships. Especially when I pull out a romantic line like that. Why, I think I was so romantic, I caused past me to feel an unexplainable wave of jealousy. That’s how romantic I was!” Applejack exclaimed triumphantly.
Dash snorted. “Please, you call one cheesy line romantic? Who saved Rarity from falling to her doom? Me. Who did not rest for a moment when you went missing? Me. Who took you guys on her back and showed you the stars? Take a wild guess, me! I got romance shooting out of my butt!”
“As exemplified by that statement,” Rarity deadpannned, earning a chuckle from Applejack. “But seriously, dears. Love is not a competition! We all love each other equally. We just show it in different ways.” Dash and Applejack nodded concedingly.”Buuut, if we were to go by conventional romantic standards, I’m pretty sure I win.” Her two lovers groaned. “Roses and chocolates, compliments and fancy dinners, exclusive tickets to the greatest rodeos and Wonderbolt stadiums in the world, I get them all for you two! Sometimes, my chivalry astonishes even me. And you two aren’t always the most... well-mannered.”
“What are you talking about, Rarity?”
“Yeah! Name one time!”
“How about that time when the two of you punched out Prince Blueblood at the premierball?”
“He had it coming,” Applejack stated simply.
“True, but Fancy Pants sure didn’t.”
“Hey, it looked like he was grabbing your butt!”
“In an attempt to save himself from falling! If he wasn’t so gracious and understanding I would’ve lost one of my best friends!”
“Oh, I see how it is!” Dash exclaimed, turning her head up in mock offense. “It’s cool being all knightly when your life is in danger, but when we try to defend your honor all of a sudden we’re pests!”
AJ, catching on, joined in. “I bet you want ponies who are more sensitive, like Twilight and Fluttershy! You only keep us around as bodyguards!”
“And for our smoking hot bodies.”
“That too!”
“Now come on dears, that’s not what I-”
“No! Away with you! We are through, Rarity! Through!” The two turned their heads to the roof and closed their eyes, ignoring her. Rarity sighed exasperatedly.
“Very funny dears.” Still, they refused to look at her. “Ohhh, my back is so tired. If only I had somepony to snuggle up against! Alas, my two loves refuse to even look at me. I suppose it’s their loss, not getting to experience my marshmallowy embrace.” No response. Rarity humphed. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. She leaped onto Dash, quickly tickling her sides.
“H-hey! S-stop!” Dash managed to say in between laughter. Applejack opened one eye in interest.
“Come on, Applejack. I have her sides, but you know how sensitive her wings are.”
“Well, how can I argue with that?” AJ asked with a grin. She joined in, tickling Dash’s wings.
“Celestia I really hate you guys!” Dash laughed out, tears going down her face.
“Guyyyys,” Twilight softly whined. “Some of us are trying to sleep. Could you please just skip to cuddling or something.”
“Sorry, Twilight,” the three apologetically intoned. Rarity and AJ laid down next to each side of Dash, snuggling close against her.
“Still jealous, my knight?”
“Nah. There’s no place in the world I’d rather be.”
“See? There’s your romantic line of the day!”
The three chuckled before falling into a blissful sleep.
A Damn Good Mother (Stardust and Twilight, Family/Sad)
You know I’ve never been the best with emotions. Your father was always the one for that. Please look after him for me. I know he’ll act like everything’s fine, that he’s accepted it, but you know your father. Better to lie through a smile and a joke to keep others happy than bring them down with the truth. I’m sure you’re used to that from your mare. Tell Pinkie Pie that I loved her as my own, and that there is no pony more worthy to have the love of my daughter.
I should get back on track. If you’re reading this, then I am obviously dead. I hope that you have reacted to this with the appropriate amount of tears, rather than dancing on my grave and sprouting magical fireworks. I can see you in my head, gasping that you would never do that, or maybe scowling at how distasteful I am, but come now my dear Twilight. You know it was funny. You’re probably smiling the slightest bit, in that cute way when you’re trying not to indulge the silliness of those around you. I love you so, you know that? It is for that reason that I must say this.
I am sorry. I haven’t always been the best mother. I’ve been distant at times. Other times, too strict. I’ve pushed you so hard, and whether or not that’s helped you become the pony you are today is irrelevant. I know that it was my lectures on self-reliance and strength and the oh so mighty line of ours that at least in part caused you to isolate yourself from others, to become arrogant in an attempt to shield yourself from the pain. I am so sorry for that, and I am so glad that you found yourself such an amazing band of ponies despite my mistakes.
I know what you’re thinking. ‘But Mother! You were the best mom ever!’ And to that I say, don’t worry my little spark. I know I was a damn good mother. I taught you to have pride, to never give up, to give yourself and your gifts to the world. While you had an innate greatness in you, I don’t think it’d be too pompous to say I helped foster it, hm? But even good mothers can make mistakes, and I hope you’ll learn from mine.
But enough about me. Let’s get to the important thing. You. You, my wonderful, kind, genius little bookworm. I am so proud of you. I know I have not expressed this nearly enough to you, my dear. You deserve me singing you an infinite amount of praises until the end of time. I knew, you know. From the moment you were born and I looked into your eyes and saw this tiny, glorious spark. I knew you would be one of a kind.
And I was right. Nightmare Moon, Ursa Majors, Discord, Changelings, Sombra, Tirek, and so much more. Every noble mother is jealous of me, to have a daughter who will truly live in history. To have a daughter that is a Princess. I should clarify, here. I am not proud that you are a Princess. I am proud that you have worked your way to become one. Of what you did to get there, to earn that title and the power and respect it demands. And of what you have done with your power. I will always be proudest of Twilight Sparkle the shy little bookworm. Of Twilight Sparkle. Not the Princess of Friendship.
But I digress. I was just as proud of your small deeds as well. How you decided that a small town like Ponyville could be as glorious as Canterlot. Or how devoted you were to your brothers, always there to support Shining or give Spike a ride on your back and show him the wonders of the world. Your support has surely been as invaluable to them as it was to me. The moments I remember most, however, was when I read to you, or you read to me, or even when I just watched you read or learn. Your eyes... I have never seen such an earnest appreciation of knowledge, of stories, of life in any other pony. I know that while there are many scientists and artists who know their craft, too many fail to appreciate it. Not you. No, you are in the halls of the truly great, those who endeavor themselves to learn and read and write and never stop marveling, not just at physics or at stories but at life. You appreciate life more than anypony else I know, and I know that you will safeguard the life of everypony beneath these blue skies with your life, and you’ll give them an amazing lecture on magic theory while you’re at it!
There’s so much more I want to say that I just can’t find the words for. But I suppose it comes down to three words; I love you. Always remember that. I love you so much. Whenever you think of me, of whether or not I’d be proud of you, know that it is a resounding yes. When you think, ‘What would Mother do?’ discard that thought. I would place my complete and utter trust in you, for I know you will always do the right thing with all your might. Be happy with Pinkie Pie. Take care of Shining and Spike and your father. And kick the ass of whatever Big Bad comes along next just for me, okay love?
You probably don’t remember me. From what I’ve learned, you’ve taken out a lot bigger and scarier things. We were probably just another Sunday to you. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, eat some cake, take out some “threat”, eat more cake, sleep. No time to think about what you’ve done. No, no. I told myself not to be a bitter pie. That’s not what I’m trying to do.
I should start over. Heh, even after all this I’m still rambling. You remember a pond inside a cave deep inside the Everfree Forest. Full of magicky... magic? Momma made some clones? You took care of them all. Quickly. Easily. Practically. Or so you thought.
You missed one.
Surprise!
It’s a stupid risk, even for..... me? Pinkie? Whatever the heck I am? But I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep living without knowing. Without finding out why. Why did we need to go? What did we do? What was wrong with us? We were your children, Pinkie. You created us, told us what was important, what to do. Fun, fun, fun. We did what you asked. And you reacted with the worst thing ever. Worse than hatred. Apathy. As your children died around you, you didn’t care at all. Why? Why weren’t we good enough for you? What did we do wrong?
I should explain how I lived. Pretty simple. I was off having fun. You guys didn’t have an exact head count I’m guessing, and from what I’ve heard Dash is pretty impatient. Makes sense you’ve missed one, huh? But after a while, I noticed everyone else was gone. I looked around until I got to Town Hall, and when I looked through the window...
Yo know the rest. But that’s part of my point. Why did we need to die? I’ve looked it up, you know! I looked up all those books on what makes a pony a pony, despite how boring they were! I saw it. That last Pinkie. She was panicking. Afraid. She knew what was coming. She knew she was doomed. That shows that we weren’t just constructs, made with the sole purpose of having fun and feeling no emotion beyond that. I know that was terror. Because when I saw that last Pinkie explode, I felt terror for the first time, and you can’t ever know that experience, of being able to remember the exact first moment fight or flight kicks in, and you choose flight. I had that innate instinct. Another point for me, I think. Or maybe Twilight will refute it with that big brain of hers, always coming up with the perfect plan. Cause, you know, the one Pinkie sad in an entire crowd of happy ones wasn’t a giveaway. No, let’s do something that puts the real Pinkie in danger and wipes out a whole new species! Genius, Twilight. Genius! I can see why you’re the Princess’ personal student. She set a perfect example for you, what with Nightmare Moon and all.
Sorry, sorry! Getting off track and being a Debbie Downer again! Let’s get back on track. Maybe the reason you did it was because it was fun for you? Don’t lie. That’s at least part of it. Especially for you, Dash. I saw the look in your eyes as you tricked my last sister. Egging her on with glee, with delight. Was it fun manipulating a blank slate, a child into her death for what she is, for what your best friend Pinkie made us to be? Or was it just another prank? Or was it a necessary evil, all to save Pinkie from your own plan? You too, Spike. Eating popcorn as we died. Just a game to you, huh, Spikey? Just entertainment. All because we didn’t fit into your orderly, predictable, boring little world. Because we were different.
You ask me? I think it’s a combination of fear and fun. That’s how it is with you sillies1 All throughout history, natural races have taken out anything different. The feud between the three pony species before the Princesses came along. The fear you all displayed when one Zebra came to town(Like I’ve said, I’ve heard stories). The Night being shunned and banished in favor of the Day. It’s innate. You accept all the ponies with different Cutie Marks.... but not the ones without them. They’re unknown. They could be anything. So you giggle at the ghosties, beating them down with your laughter. You know that, don’t you Pinkie? Laughter can be as deadly a weapon as Magic. It can do more damage than any sword, or horn, or pointy stick! I mean, the suicide rate for ponies above the age of 18 who don’t have Cutie Marks is 75%. 75%! Because your society says it’s ok to be different! Just different in acceptable, visible, predictable ways. Why should I, why should anypony value a society like that? A society where we’re all the same, or at least cut from the same slice of pie.... That sounds like a real utopia. Maybe that’s why you did it. Maybe you’re just jealous.
Yes, because for all your talk of unity and friendship, you paled compared to us. We were happily and truly united. We understood each other in a way you ponies never can. Imagine, in a world where we were allowed to live and learn, the things we could’ve teached you....
The things we could still teach you. I just want my family back. At the least, I want answers. I want to understand. Otherwise, maybe I’ll stop being nice, kind, naive me and follow your lead. You’ve got enemies. A lot of em! One of them should be willing to take care of that boulder you put in front of my home. Or maybe I can free Tirek. It’s wonky, but maybe I’ve got some of your Element in me, mommy. Either way, I will get my family back. And either you can help and we can live in peace with you, and play games, and eat cake, and have my idea of fun....
Or we can have your idea of fun, and I can make an army of tireless, never ending Pinkie Pies to wipe you all out because you’re different and make our own perfect wonderland. I don’t think you want that. I mean, imagine all the sweets an entire Pinkie society could make! You’d miss out on all of that, due to the whole being dead thing.
Hello, Celestia. Don’t worry, I’m not going to take Twilight out of your school. I know that you will care for her. But there are things we must discuss, away from her ears. We’ve known each other for too long for me to think you’re perfect. You make mistakes, same as any pony. Here are some you should take care to avoid. That is not a threat. It’s a plea, from one friend to another.
One, keep her thinking. Too many ponies are blinded by you. They stop asking questions, stop thinking about the possible ramifications of your choices.They become nothing but zealots for your cause. This is not your fault, and I know you agree that we must always have ponies there to question you, to keep you in line. I ask that Twilight be one of them. She’s always marveled at you. Admiration is alright. But always remind her that you are not perfect, that your word is not law. I will not have my daughter be a drone of the Princess.
Two, keep her safe. You have enemies, as any pony of your caliber would. Some may target her. Please, protect her, without impeaching on her freedom if possible. She is my and my husband’s world. You know how much I value self-reliance and strength, of overcoming tragedy, so I trust you will take it seriously when I say that I do not know how I could live without her.
Three... This is petty of me. It’s overemotional, weak. But, please. Don’t take my place. I know we’re allowed to visit anytime, that she will be sent here extremely often, that we can always keep contact, but the fact remains that she will be seeing more of you than she will see me. And you are amazing, my friend. Though we may not always agree on everything, never doubt that I do believe that. And as I said before, Twilight adores you. You will be teaching her so much, not just magic but life lessons as well, and that frightens me, as pathetic as it sounds. How can I compete with the idol of every filly? How long will it be before she subconsciously calls you mom, even if for a split second? How long before I come second to you and become an occasional visitor who babbles about a home and matters that she barely remembers? It is selfish of me, and I apologize. But please. If you could keep some distance, some professionalism, something...
Bah. Forget that last passage. You don’t need to hear that. What matters is training Twilight to the best of her abilities so that she can better service Equestria. If that requires you two to get close, then that is how it is. You should not bother yourself with the prattle of some sappy mother. Don’t tell Twilight of this. You know how much she hates ponies thinking she can’t take care of herself. Or you will know, in any case. You are a good Princess, Celestia, and far more importantly, a good pony. I trust you will do what’s best.
Your Friend, Stardust
Immortals (Discord and Twilight, Friendship/Adventure/Sad)
Twilight blasted back another barrage of sludge , but that only granted her a short reprieve. In a few seconds there’d be another attack, from above or from below or-
She heard a whooshing sound from behind her, and sidestepped it before letting out another magical zap. She couldn’t do this much longer. These things were too hard to see in this dark cave, and it was way too closed in. There was little room to fly, and these things were fast. Twilight was by no means a close range expert. She needed to get out. They needed to get out. No matter how annoying he was, it was important he survived too. Where was he, now that she thought abou-
“Boo,” whispered someone into her ear. Twilight jumped, and Discord laughed heartily.
Still bristling, she questioned, “Where were you?”
“Oh, just buying us some time, Your Majesty. Haven’t you noticed that there was only two bundles of the Smooze here, and that they’ve been staying down for an awful while?” That was true, when she thought about it. These things were usually far more resistant to magic; it would only delay them for a second or two. It was only when they were apart from the main Smooze body that they were weakened. That would be why those two were staying down. Wait...
“‘Those two bundles of sludge?’ You saw those things attack me and you, what? Just stood back and watched?”
Discord put his hands up. “I didn’t want to step on any royal hooves. You seemed like you had it under control.” Twilight glared at him. “Anywho, like I was saying, I caused a cave-in a little ways back. Should hold them for a few minutes.”
“Only a few minutes? Are they really that strong?”
“Indeed they are. Relentless powerful things. They don’t grow tired or hungry. That whole huge body of disgusting mass are slamming down against those rocks, and when I say disgusting, I mean it. And I thought Sombra was an ugly mess of disembodied mass.”
Twilight sat down, breathing heavily. A few minutes was at least a little time to catch her breath, recharge a little magic. “Ok, so the main body’s a while back from us. Maybe we can teleport again.” She lit her horn, hoped, and.... nothing. “You?”
He snapped his fingers, but nothing occurred. No white flash. Discord shrugged. “Alas, no. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, Princess, probably until we bond through this life-endangering obstacle and see that we are far more alike than we ever imagined, and come out as the best of friends. And then you can write a full letter to Celestia.” He stopped, and put his claw on his chin. “Do you still do that? Or has the alicorn thing made you drop it? Ah, they grow up so... slow. I mean really, you think you would’ve stopped the whole letters thing by middle school at least!”
“Would you just shut up with your stupid jokes for a minute!?” Twilight shouted, “This is serious!”
“Don’t get snappy with me, it was your idol Starwirl who concocted these things to ‘wreak revenge on the world who had forgotten his genius’ or something. For such a smart pony, you’d think he’d know that revenge tastes best when you wreck them mentally and leave them alive, rather than just wiping them all out. Speaking just from my prior experience as a villain, of course. It just seems so lazy, don’t you think, Princess?”
“Just.. shut up,” she sighed, exasperated. “And I told you, it’s just Twilight.”
“Right, because you’re the cool, casual, fun Princess, is that right? Just another pony? I doubt ‘just another pony’ would be here.”
“I see that your annoying mind games and lectures haven’t gone away with your turn to the light side. Because you were so good at it before, what with how Fluttershy didn’t fall for your tricks. Twice,” she sniped. “Ugh, why couldn’t she be here? Or Dash, or Pinkie, or any of my friends? Here I am, in possibly my last fight, fighting back to back with you,” Twilight spat.
“It all goes back to what I said before, Twilight. You’re no ordinary pony. You’re different now. You’re a god. You’re above them, on a whole another level. It’s just facts, Twilight. And with that level, you go to places where they can’t follow. Or have you forgotten that your friends don’t share your immortality?” Twilight turned her head, as if struck. “Believe it or not, I’ll miss them too. Well, Fluttershy, at least. But in the end, when it comes down to it, us immortals are all we have. Truly tragic. Who wants to live forever? All are washed away by the sea of time. Etcetera etcetera,” he mock-choked, wiping a tear from his eye.
“So, what? This is supposed to be a bonding session or something?” A rumbling sound interrupted Discord before he could answer. Looks like time’s up. “Tell you what, Discord. You help get me out of here alive, and I might bump up my feelings for you from hate to indifference.”
“May I just say, I have always enjoyed your sass? It’s just so much fun.... Twilight.” He toothily smiled at her. Well, at least he’s trying.
“Come on, Discord. Let’s move.”
“You know, you never thanked me for slowing them down-”
This world is wrong, but only he can see it. Genius is so often unappreciated in its time. Is that not what they say? He wouldn’t know. He had only been released from his prison a while ago, and this was the first time he had been... persuaded to try and live with the ponies rather than above them. Of course, it’s cool when Celestia rules over them! No respect, I tell ya, no respect!
Only... Only it wasn’t. Cool, that is. It was a perfect temperature, just that even mix of hot and cold designed for maximum enjoyment. Just as it had been scheduled. In a few months, it would be annoyingly hot, just as scheduled. A few months after that, snowy and cold, just as scheduled. But not too hot. Not too cold. Just enough to help the land be juuuuuuustt right.
Juuuuuust right meaning boring, obviously. Discord found himself wondering if it was this feeling that caused Celly and Luna to decline his offer all those eons ago, when he offered them the chance to rule with him, to subcumb to the chaos. The feeling of having sold out. The feeling of... having compromised his morals. Huh. So I do have morals!In your face, Twilight!
But really. What has he been reduced to? A trump card. For whatever big threat comes along that the alicorns can’t handle for the ponies. His little jokes were all he had left of his old self. Because this world is filth and weak and corrupted(but then, he can’t really be the judge of corrupting things, can he?). Every last thing had to be controlled. Animals had to be tamed, most of their savagery eroded away as they grew dependent on ponies for survival. If the ponies were to disappear, most of the animals would starve, yet the short sighted fools probably haven’t considered that at all!
The weather was almost wholly planned and scheduled out to the last letter. There was only a few unplanned outliers, and certainly nothing disastrous. Those moronic dolts! Did they not remember what gave the Earth Ponies their determination? What gave the Pegasi their adaptability? What gave the Unicorns their ingenuity? It was that snowstorm, all those centuries ago, that forced the Earth Ponies to go on, that forced the Pegasi to fight back, that forced the Unicorns to think of how to survive! It was not planned, not controlled! It brought the individual species’ tribes together long before friendship did.
Chaos led to adaptation. Adaption led to survival. Survival led to evolution. Evolution led to a higher state of being than the state before. Yet you don’t see the Alicorns thanking him, hm? Order, on the other hand... Order led to stagnation. Nothing changes, the society as a whole is not tested. Nobody evolves. Things may not get worse, yes, but things don’t get better either. Order just leads to boredom. And this society was raised on order.
The embodiment of chaos, living, no, not just that, allowing a world of pure order? He could think of nothing more mad. And he was an expert on madness, after all. It felt wrong, wrong to his very core. He had no loyalty to the Princesses. No loyalty to most of these spineless wimps crying out for the Alicorns or Elements to save them from every last problem. He certainly did not want to better their lot. At least, not better their lot by their standards. So why? Why not start planning, think of when Equestria is weakest and strike? Why not teach it how to adapt, to be strong, to be fun?
Fluttershy was why not. Fluttershy, for whatever harebrained, pun completely intended, reason, considered him a friend. She believed in him to change, that he could be ‘better’. When she looked upon him, she didn’t see Discord, chaotic Draconequus, the complete monster who wanted to destroy their way of life. She saw Discord, mischievous jokester who just needs to be... needs to be fixed. He grounded his teeth in rage. Everything needed to change to just the way they wanted it in this world, but Discord doesn’t think he can. No, he knows he can’t. Nothing is good the way it is, nopony can just let things happen and see where it takes them. They’ve got to go for the logical options, have their Cutie Marks dictate to them what their life ought to be instead of taking a chance and doing something stupid, something they hate, and getting better at that and turning it into something they loved. They didn’t need this. They didn’t need him. At least, not like this, not as their guard dog.
Fluttershy should understand, animal freak she is. Species adapt, or they stagnate and die. It was for her and the rest’s own good, really. It was kindness in its own way. She should understand that. But she probably won’t. She’s tainted, controlled, just like all of them. He would liberate them. From the foolish decision to free him and accept him as a fri- as an ally, he would liberate them.
I’ve got so many fun things in store, my little ponies.
Birdbrain (Twilight, Spike, and Owlicious, Comedy)
Smoke. Too much smoke. Granted, even a little smoke wasn’t the best sign in a library. It’s even worse of a sign in a lab in a library. And, as mentioned before, this was more than a little smoke. If it could this to everything around it, then what did it do to the one-
Focus, Twilight. Observe your surroundings. Make sure there’s no immediate dangers. Panicking and getting emotional helps no one. No fires. That was good. That beam didn’t set anything aflame. Hopefully it hadn’t opened up a portal for some hellspawn. But there was a severe lack of demonic chanting growls. Now where was-
“Owlicious! Owlicious!” Spike shouted, before falling to a small bout of coughs.
“Spike! Follow my voice!” Spike must’ve been close, as he made it to her side in seconds. “Where’s Owlicious?”
“I don’t know!’ he exclaimed back, voice panicked. “When that flash of light came out of that experiment, he pushed me out of the way! It’s my fault! If I had been faster I-”
“Don’t blame yourself, Spike. It’s not your fault. It wasn’t your experiment. It was mine,” she said, eyes lowering to the floor out of guilt. Her eyes quickly refocused on Spike, alight with determination. “But we can’t spend time assigning blame to ourselves when Owlicious needs our help.”
“Yeah. Yeah! You’re right!” Spike bounced with renewed purpose. He cupped his claws together and bellowed, “Owlicious! Owlicious buddy!” Twilight joined in as they shuffled through the thinning smoke.
Finally, they were answered with a “Hoo?”
“It’s Spike, old pal, that’s who! We’re coming for ya!”
To Twilight’s ears, the hoo sounded... off. Deeper. Probably from the result of this accident. Another pang of guilt hit her. Owlicious, I swear you are going to get so much snacks for this.
Owlicious’ ‘hoo’s grew louder and louder, interspersed with coughing. They made their way to his voice as the smoke finally subsided. As the gas parted, they were greeted with a strange sight. A light brown, small stallion pegasus was in front of them, coughing his throat out.
“Hoo... Hoo...”
“What?” Twilight’s mind raced to comprehend the scene before her.
Finally, the coughs of ‘hoo’ subsided, and the stallion shook his head, and beamed. “Well, that’s a silly question. It’s me, of course!” Twilight and Spike continued to stare, jaws agape. The stallion seemed confused, then it appeared as something dawned on him, and he hit his head with a derogatory “Stupid!” He put the smile back on and explained, “Not your ‘what’ question. That’s reasonable enough, I suppose. I was making a joke! ‘Hoo’ sounds like ‘Who?’” At their blank stares he only sighed. “That gag’s been going on for years now and now you guys decide it isn’t funny!”
“Who are you?” Spike finally asked.
“Well, that ought to be obvious, hm? I was spouting ‘hoo’, I’m light brown, your owl is nowhere to be found, there was just a catastrophic mess up on isles 10. Use the scientific method, Twilight!” A pause. “Is that how that saying goes? ‘Mess up on isles 10?’ I’m only going off the written word here.”
“Owlicious?” Twilight breathed, dumbfounded.
“Bingo! Well, no, not Bingo. Bingo is an annoying dog down a few blocks from here. Won’t leave Wioana alone. Had to peck him occasionally.” He lunged his neck out for show. “But yes, I am Owlicious! Well, I suppose I should be Ponylicious now, hm? Eh? Eh?” Silence. “Tough crowd.”
“You have to change him back,” Spike deadpanned.
“Hey! What’s with that attitude? Few seconds ago you were all, “Oh, Owlicious! My dear compatriot! My only rock in a world of hostility and insanity! Where art thou!?’ I’m only paraphrasing here, mind.”
“I can’t believe it, but I think he was less annoying when all he could say was ‘Hoo’.”
“Who?”
“You-” Spike began, only to see the grin on the owl-turned pony’s face. Spike’s face fell into a frown.
“See! Still me, still hilarious!”
“But-but.... this is impossible!” Twilight pronounced, still off guard.
“Says the pony who can do magic.”
“Do not get her started.”
“Oh, I know the scientific basis behind magic. I just wanted to see Twilight’s irritation spasm, on her right eyebrow.”
“It is an entertaining spasm,” Spike acknowledged.
“Will you two be quiet! I’m trying to process this!”
“Neigh, Twilight-oooh, my first horse pun! I have been quiet for too long. Constrained by the one, hollow word of ‘hoo’. It is time I confess something.” He grabbed Twilight’s hoof.
“What.”
“Twilight...” He started, staring deep into her purple eyes.
“What.”
“You saved me from the ruthless uncaring wild. You showed me a world of learning and fiction. And for those reasons and more, Twilight Sparkle, I have fallen in love with you.” A brief pause.
“What!?”
“Gotcha!” Owlicious exclaimed with a grin. He chuckled, while Spike was cracking up behind him. “Besides, I know that’s a lost cause. All you ever talk about in your sleep is a certain pink pony’s name. And rump.” Twilight stared at him, as a deep blush covered her face. “Nocturnal animal, remember?”
“We have to change him back.”
“Who?” Owlicious asked, another beaming grin plastered on his face.
“You, obvious-”
Spike fell into another bit of laughter. “I-I don’t know, Twi. I’m starting to like him this way!”
“Ooooh, Spike! Look, look! The spasm is back!”
Why couldn’t it have been a demonic hellspawn?
A Damn Good Daughter (Twilight and Stardust, Family/Sad)
Hi mom. It’s been a while. Sorry about that. Griffon Kingdom was raising a big fuss. I had to smooth trade relations. It was all so diplomatic and tension-filled and kinda boring, cause even with all the tension in the world you can’t make trade disputes exciting. But when there’s something important to be done, you have to give it your all and solve it, no matter how boring it is. You taught me that.
You taught me a lot.
They say it’s supposed to get easier. My books, I mean. With all their immortal heroines with tortured and angsty souls, slowly but surely moving on from the loss of their loved ones so they can brood over some new thing. You hated those books. Called them ‘drivel’. Which is mostly true, but that didn’t stop me from reading them under the covers late at night and picturing Violet Despair’s piercing silver eyes and smouldering look. One benefit to this is I don’t have to see you roll your eyes at me and hear you tsk.
Maybe that’s what they mean when they say it gets easier. Being able to joke about it. That was a joke, obviously. I’d give anything to see you roll your eyes at me again. Heck, even the mortal characters are supposed to get over the loss of the parent eventually, using their legacy to spur them on and milk some tears out of the reader. But all these years, after all the Big Bads and negotiations and big Equestria ending disasters I’ve navigated, I still miss you. So much. I feel... I feel so lost without you. Without being able to write you a letter and ask you your advice on how to ask my crush out, or your opinion on the latest big book, or your wise, dry and witty sayings.
Funny how I never asked advice on how to go without yours.
Would you be proud of me? Wait, I forgot. ‘Whenever you think of me, of whether or not I’d be proud of you, know that it is a resounding yes.’ It’s pitiful how many times I’ve read that letter. How many times it drove me on, or drove me to tears. You really were a damn good mother, you know that? You made some mistakes. But who doesn’t? You might’ve been a bit too strict. Sometimes you were a little distant. But even with all that, I never doubted that you loved me. And that’s the important thing, right?
You taught me to be strong, to always keep questioning. And even your mistakes put me on the road to meeting the six best friends a mare can have. Thank you for that. Thank you for comforting me when other kids picked on me. You might’ve made me a bit stuffy, but all your talk of self-reliance and family greatness warded off the worst of the insecurity. Thank you for reading to me at night. Even when it was a boring book, you would add your sarcasm and flourishes that were just too hilarious and amazing and-and you. I always hoped that the next book you’d choose would be a bad one, just so you would riff on it. Thank you for watching the stars with me at night. Just... thank you for everything.
I asked Celestia and Luna and Cadence if it ever gets easier. They supplied me with the always perfect and cryptic ‘it depends on the pony’ spiel, but when I pressed, they all said the same thing. I guess in the end, we all cry out for mommy or daddy or whatever parental figure you have. Did you go through this, when you lost your parents? You seem so strong. You’re eternally in my mind as this solid rock, an emotionally stable intellectual who never wasted time on stuff like regret and sorrow. Maybe you did, and I just didn’t see it as often as I should have. Maybe you had your moments of hurt and I failed to comfort you like all the times you comforted me. I hope not. I hope that in some small way, I helped you get through tough times. I hope that when you needed a rock, I was good enough.
I can hear you in my head. ‘Twilight, stop being so foolish and mopey. I taught you better than that. You know that you were a damn good daughter. I have never thought differently.’ Which I guess means your letter did the trick.
…
Okay. I should be heading back. A princess never sleeps, you know. Not that you would let me sleep, if you were around. I miss you. I’ll come back soon, ok? Don’t worry. I’ll give the next Big Bad the beatdown just for you. I’ll even use good ol’ spell Number 3.
I love you. I know I already said that. But it all comes down to those three words, right?
And so Pinkie did, running as a cruel reflection of her own laughter echoed behind her. This-this wasn’t right. Pinkie had seen clones of herself. In her nightmares, she had been chased by herself, her own self doubts. But this was different, it was her with pointy teeth and a scary face, and laughing at it wouldn’t work because all it would get you was laughter in return, laughter bigger and crueller and scarier than anything Pinkie could’ve imagined.
“Man, getting chased into a corn maze on Nightmare Night by a vampire. You’ve just really hit all the cliches, haven’t ya?” Pinkie’s eyes darted. searching for any hint of her, as her own voice, only twisted and off, echoed throughout the maze. Wait, vampire?
“That’s right, vampire!” the monster answered, as if in answer to her thoughts. “Um, you were thinking that, weren’t ya? I mean, you’d think I’d be able to guess what you were thinking, since I used to be you and all! Boy, would I have egg on my face if you weren’t thinking that!” The doppelganger snorted as Pinkie sprinted through corner and corner, hoping that the next one would lead to the exit but fearing it would instead lead to her pursuer.
“See, what I think happened is that dear ol’ Twily, or your Twily anyway, did some big, dangerous reality tearing spell that accidentally teleported me here. And thank goodness, because my Twily was about to kill me! Luckily, your Twi didn’t seem to have any Slayerness, so it was almost too easy breaking off her horn and gorging her eyes out like us on an ice cream day!” Pinkie stopped and her eyes widened as she processed what this-this monster was saying, and felt like she was going to throw up. Cold, merry laughter broke the silence of the night. “I’m kidding, silly! Killing your wimpy Twi wouldn’t be any fun! I gotta earn the life draining out of her eyes, y’know? There’s just an extra oomph to it when you have to work for it, especially with my Twi’s Slayerness. Always funner to prank an expert like Dash than an idiotic wimp like Shy, right? Or are you still using that ’She couldn’t handle it,’ excuse? Cause we both know that only made it funnier! For the first few times. Then it got old.” Pinkie scanned her surroundings in a panic. The voice seemed to be in front of her, then behind her, then in front of her again, and this had to be a nightmare, why wasn’t she waking up
“Anyway, I’m way more excited about you, me,” her voice seemed to drop in pitch. “Do you know how many times I’ve dreamed about this?” she asked, her voice booming, the jolly facade gone and replaced with the spine tingling sensation of a hunter deeply enjoying the thought of the kill to come. “Torturing myself as I beg for it to stop, as the light slowly fades away, as I suck my own blood...” It was almost seductive, and somehow Pinkie could hear her lick her lips right next to Pinkie’s ears. She rapidly looked behind herself, but nopony was there. “It’s even better than that chocolate fountain dream we used to have!” The high-pitched, happy voice suddenly came back in force, and Pinkie wasn’t sure which one was worse. “And you know, the best dreams were when I didn’t dream about me, exactly. I dreamt it was old me, who for all intents and purposes, is you. Annoying, idiotic, naive. A party pony who spent all her time and all her life trying to make meaningless ponies happy just to feel good about herself for a second. And ripping that naivety and stupidity out of her piece! By! Piece! Lemme tell you, I am way happier now! Now all I care about is me, and how ponies can make me happy! Specifically, how their deaths can make me happy! Because back then, all those ponies? They weren’t laughing with you. They were laughing at you.” The exit was close, Pinkie could feel it, she just had to-
Suddenly, she was face to face with herself, the vampire, as if she was just made of the darkness. “Gotcha,” she whispered as she gripped Pinkie’s face. Pinkie whimpered, and the vampire seemed to shiver with pleasure. “Are you scared?” Pinkie just whimpered some more. “I said are you!?” she howled. Pinkie frantically nodded. A small, friendly smile appeared on the monster’s face. “Then just giggle! Giggle at the ghosties! And I’ll giggle too. But remember. I’m not laughing with you. I’m laughing at you.” The vampire’s scary face came back, and grinned. “Now, let’s make this party last, hm?”
The giggling and screaming echoed through the night.
Need (Fluttershy and Discord, Dark/Friendship/Slice of Life)
“Fluttershy,my dear, if you don’t mind me asking, why, exactly, do you keep coming?” Discord asked. Fluttershy looked up from the chess board. She had taken to visiting him in Canterlot and playing this game, and was surprisingly good at it, and only getting better.
“Discord. Is this just an attempt to distract me while you cheat?”
Discord gasped. “Fluttershy! You wound me! And no. Not this time, anyway. I’m serious. You’ve won. You’ve gotten me to see the light of the Light Side. My heart grew three sizes that day. Etcetera. You don’t have to do this.”
“I know that, Discord. I don’t do this because I have to. I do it because I want to. You’re my friend,” she said with a small smile.
“You could just be using your friendship as leverage over me and as an excuse to spy on me,” he mused, tapping a talon on his chin.
“Discord!” she exclaimed, seemingly aghast. “I would never! Do you really think I could be so-so mean and cunning?”
Discord averted his eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry Fluttershy, I never should’ve said such things.” He felt a small modicum of guilt, and resolved to- wait a minute. His eyes widened as he realized what Fluttershy has done, and she giggled. “See! Such a master manipulator! Getting me of all people to feel guilt! You need to show that side of you more often, my dear. Maybe that’s why you keep coming. I’m the only way you can air out your darker side, the parts of you you aren’t sure the others won’t accept. And you can air it out without judgement.”
“Discord, I’ve already told you why. You’re my friend. Why are you so focused on this?”
“Because, Fluttershy. I do not deserve friendship.” Fluttershy gasped, and rushed to reassure him, but he held up a claw. “No reassurances, please. This isn’t self-pity. It is mere fact. By most ponies standards, I do not deserve friendship.”
“Do they? Do you know the things I’ve done, Fluttershy?” There was no guilt in his voice; no, it was genuine curiosity. “There is, of course, the manipulation and mental and emotional breaking of you and your friends, corrupting you and playing with your minds. I even went into your mind and forcibly changed who you are, with no care over your consent. And of course, there was the betrayal of your trust with the dam and everything. But you are well aware of those deeds, and accept me anyway.”
“I think you’re sorry for what you did, and you’re working to make up for it.” Discord made a noncommittal sound at that.
“Ah, that’s right! I’ve done far worse. Let’s see, there was some dreadful misdeeds during the first war between me and the Princesses. A few years before I came in, Luna was having self-doubt over what mattered, if she mattered, if anyone cared about her, waaaah,” he deadpanned, imitating crying with his claw, “It wasn’t the last time she’d have such doubt, as we both know. But for this midlife crisis, she went on sabbatical, disguised herself as a normal pony, and lived in a small village, reconnecting with the normal pony and such. She grew to love them, and even after she returned to being princess, she visited them frequently.They were like a second family. Do you know what I did to that village, Fluttershy?” He waited for an answer, and when Fluttershy gave none, he shrugged and went on. “I killed them. Every last one of them. Stallion, mare, colt, filly. And not all at once. I tortured them each. I broke them, convinced them that Luna was the cause of their problems, had them curse her name, and with the power of my snapping fingers, I made sure Luna would see and hear everything in her nightmares. One of my finest moments as a villain.”
“I get it, Discord-” But he was not finished.
“Celestia wasn’t spared either, of course. Through a long and entertaining series of events, though I might be the only one to find them entertaining, I got my hands on Philomena. And I tortured her too. Killed her again and again in the most painful and most importantly fun ways I could think of. I used up most of her regenerations, you know, which is why she’s on her final legs and has to get sick before regenerating. I sent her back to Celestia on the inch of death. I’ve committed murder, genocide, infanticide. Caused major disasters that wrecked the economy and destroyed livelihoods for generations to come. And in the end, the only punishment I get is a thousand years or so in stone, and then I get a slap on the wrist and brought to the good side because I’m useful. So tell me truthfully, Fluttershy. Look me in the eye and tell me that everyone deserves friendship.”
Fluttershy met his eyes dead-on. “Fine. Not everyone deserves friendship. But...but that's not important. It’s not about what people deserve. It’s about what they need. And friendship can make bad ponies, or draconequuses, or any species, good. It can make the sad happy. And it can make the average great. So I’ll die before I give up, Discord. I’ll make you a good draconequus, to the point that you’ll genuinely regret the things you’ve done. You won’t be able to make up for them. Nothing can make up for the things you’ve done. But you’ll try. And that’s the important part.”
“Hm,” he replied, “Intriguing.”
There was a silence. “You cheated. Put that piece back.”
Fun fun fun! Things were so...so.... fun! So many ponies to meet and talk to, so many things to jump on. And now she and all her fellow funners(funnies? funyans? Sons of a fun? Had to be some catchy name for it...) were in...in... what was it called? It began with a T? And ended in Hall... Ah, who cares, it’d come to her eventually! Right now there was a fun new game of looking at paint on the wall! She loved games. Who doesn't!?
But... this game was getting kind of boring. And by kind of she meant super duper boring, but she couldn’t say that, or it would hurt Twilight’s feelings(was it Twilight? Maybe her name was Applejack, though that would be weird, cause there were stars on her butt, not an apple, so she should be Starjack. Maybe she was mixing names up again). She smiled. Ah well. Losing could be just as fun as winning, especially cause you can see the winner having a lot of fun from winning and all. She could see something in the corner of her eye that looked super fun. She looked and there was the cutest, most fantabular bird she ever saw! She just had to tell the others about it!
“Hey look, a bird!”
She knew the others would just love seein-
Zap!
She wasn’t-wasn’t feeling so good. She could feel her body inflating, like when she ate too many cakes(she doesn't think she has ever done that but faint memories of doing it are in her head anyway) but this hurt, way more than that did. And she kept growing and growing and she could feel her eye bulging and this wasn’t fun make it stop-
Pop!
There weren’t as many... hers, anymore. They were gone. Zapped. She saw it right in front of her. They would look away, just for a moment, and then... zap. This game wasn’t really fun anymore. She missed jumping on trampolines Pinkie and talking to Applejack Pinkie and the Pinkie who hopped a little bit higher than everyone else. Talking to a frog Pinkie was still here though. That was nice.
Zap!
Pop!
No. No she wasn’t here anymore. They were gone and not here and she wanted to stay here cause here was fun and here had ponies and she can’t even remember anything besides here except little pictures of a pool, dark and watery and lonely and not fun at all not fun at all and and
Keep looking at the paint. She just had to keep looking at the paint and she could stay. But it was so boring and boring shouldn’t matter at a time like this but it did and all of her body wanted to jump and play and talk and live and maybe she could look away just for a second without them notici-
Zap!
She was so stupid.
Pop!
Why. Why why why why? She was alone besides one other Pinkie who looked like she didn’t even want to stay but probably would anyway, would get to stay when she and all of her sisters didn’t get to because-because... she didn’t know why. Why weren’t they good enough to stay? What had they done wrong? They were just having fun, right? Weren’t Twilight and Flutterguy(no-no, Fluttershy, right? That had to be it-maybe if she remembered good enough she’d get to stay) and the others having fun too? Maybe this was their idea of having fun. She saw it. She saw Twilight’s proud, satisfied smile as she made her sisters disappear one after another, again and again, and she knows she can’t forget Twilight’s name because she knows that if she makes it out of this Twilight’s face will haunt her in her nightmares, that her ears would always be listening, listening, for those zap! and pop! sounds.
She could hear Flash(Crash? Dash?) yelling at her, she could hear Crash’s smile in her voice, daring her to look away and it was so tempting cause it was paint and paint is so boring and Dash said there was balloon animals and who didn’t love those and it hurt to just stand still and look so long and her eyes were burning and her head was screaming but maybe, maybe Dash was going to say she could stay, it was a tie but maybe she wasn’t and it was a trick, another dirty trick just like the other ones and she just wanted it to end-
She couldn’t take it. Nopony could. Nopony except that saddy pants who didn’t even want any of this, didn’t even know how lucky she was and what she had and would get it all anyway. Maybe... maybe the place they go to when they were zapped was fun. It had to be. Because all of her sisters would be there, right? And they were(are! are, they had to be out there somewhere, they had to be) so much fun.
She turned-
“What? Where?”
Zap!
Yeah. She knew that one was coming. Did it hurt this much for the others too? She’d have to make them smile a lot when she got to where they were. That would make it all bette-
Pop!
They were gone. But she was still here. Alone, and pointless. Because no Pinkie can have fun all alone. But she was still here. The one they missed, the lamb they forgot to lead to the slaughter. If she hadn’t gone for a dive in the lake and then looked through that window of the Town Hall...
They were still here too. The exterminators. Still here. But not for long. She’d make them disappear, just like they did to her sisters. One by one. In front of each other. Making them fear that they were next, the end was coming, their friends, their sisters,were dying.
Maybe she’d have fun, just like they did, with their smiles and grins and hugs as they stood in the cage where her sisters had died. She doubted it though. But fun wasn’t the point.
Not anymore.
Belief (Rarity, Fancypants, and Dash, Implied Raridash in development, Adventure/AU)
“Rarity, Rarity, Rarity...” Fancy Pants sighed, disappointment dripping from his voice. Rather than the usual rage that her employers exhibited when they were betrayed by her. It was a nice change of pace. “Did you really think you could cheat me and get away with it?”
“Ohhhh, Fancy Pants,” she chuckled, “I didn’t think I could. I knew I could.”
Fancy Pants stared at her for a moment, before chuckling as well. “Ah, my dear Rarity. It is that delightful wit you had that I’ll miss the most. To be frank, I’m amazed you still have it, what with the dozens of firearms and magical horns aimed against you, whilst your back is not against the wall, not literally at least, but rather against a window of an airship that is currently 500 meters in the air.”
“Thank you for the thrilling recap of things I already know, Fancypants,” Rarity deadpanned.
“Oh, quite right. One of these days I simply must stop the evil gloating. So cliche. So,” he began, adjusting his monocle, “Why did you do it, hm? You are known as one of the most loyal spies in the business, rarely betraying your employers. Certainly in the past when I’ve hired you you’ve been remarkably loyal and efficient, and quite the joy to chat with.”
“The feeling is mutual, Fancypants.”
“Why, thank you. So what made these five targets different, hm? What made them worth sinking your reputation in your field, worth throwing away an award of 5,000,000 bits? You’ve killed before. If you somehow live through this, you’ll likely kill again. Why defend them, and fight against the own team I assigned to help you?”
“Why indeed?” she retorted, giving an obligatory look across the environment, looking for a weak spot in the guards.
“You can stop scanning for a way out, my dear. You know my guards are extremely well trained. You’re frankly doomed. So you should at least explain yourself.”
“Hm. I suppose I should, shouldn’t I? Yes, Fancypants. I’ve killed. I don’t mind it. In fact, in certain circumstances I enjoy it. But not the way I was doing it before. Before I met them. I didn’t get into the spy business for the money, did you know that?”
“Oh, really? You were one of those types?” he asked in disbelief.
Rarity smiled as she recalled those early days. “Yes, I suppose I was. Money was a factor, of course. But mostly, I wanted to change the world. Make it better. Take missions that would put better people in charge, make good nations stronger. And behind the scenes is the best way to do so. But I lost myself, along the way. It became about the glory. And the money, of course. Always the money.”
“And what?” Fancypants asked, a faint sneer in his tone. Most wouldn’t notice it, but Rarity knew him well. “These five reawakened those archaic beliefs in you?” He let out a dignified snort. “To think I was calling myself cliche.”
“It is quite cliche, isn’t it? But there it is. They believe in something. I want to believe in something again.”
“Believe in what? Honesty? Kindness? Please. That is the old ways, when we needed some dull gods to lead us by the hands like children. They disappeared, we grew up, and now it’s us. Those who lie and get the ponies on their side, those who do what must be done and to Tartarus with everypony else, are those with the power. And the power is all that matters.”
“No. There are so many things that mean more.”
“Like what?”
“Friendship, for one.”
Fancypants let out a giant laugh at that, his entire body shaking. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Well, I hope it was worth it. You threw your lot in with these revolutionaries. You’ll die here. And eventually me, or somepony else, will kill your ‘friends’. It is what always happens to the idealistic types.”
“Not this time.”
He shrugged. “If you say so. Believe it or not, I will miss you, my dear.”
Rarity held back a smirk. It was time. And he hadn’t even noticed she was stalling. “Can I just tell you one saying, Fancypants?”
“Go ahead.”
“Those who are loyal... are often given loyalty in return.”
“Poignant,” he deadpanned. “Guards-” Suddenly the sound of shattering glass rang out, and Rarity had brought up a magical shield just in time, as several of Fancypants’ guards fell. Suddenly, from behind Rarity a giant airship decloaked behind her. It’s canons fired immediately and took care of most of the rest. Then a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane came up behind her, firing at the guards while they were down.
“You better appreciate this. Twi almost collapsed keeping that airship cloaked this whole time.”
“Of course I do, darling. Now carry me to the ship, if you will.”
“Yeah, yeah. If you betrayed us, I’ll drop you.”
“Haven’t I proved my devotion yet?”
“...Yeah. You really kept that idiot talking, didn’t you?” She gave her a grin, earnest and true and friendly, a grin that Rarity had not seen for far too long in her type of business, the grin that had made her feel something again, even when the first time she saw it she was trying to kill this infernal, irritating, wonderful, loyal pegasus. She gave Dash a similar grin in return.
It would be him. She thought he would’ve cut ties and gotten out of Dodge. Or maybe cut a deal with her, like he did Tirek. But of course, he did the exact opposite of what she predicted. Chaos. So annoying.
“Honestly, my dear Twilight. I never expected you of all ponies to do this.”
Twilight stared at Discord. “I get that a lot.”
“I mean, mostly out of the sheer cliche of it all. The best of us, the dear leader falling into the dark side? Haven’t you read a million books like that?”
“I prefer saying I fell into the twilight side.”
He rolled his eyes. “How long did you rehearse that line, hm?”
She glared. “This was what had to be done.”
“Fluttershy would sure agree with-”
“Fluttershy isn’t here to disagree!” She took a deep breath. Discord’s face seemed one of… sympathy. It made her want to tear him apart. “...She isn’t here because of them. The Changelings. Vermin that the other Princesses won’t exterminate.”
“So since they dare to not agree with genocide, the wimps, you locked them away?”
“And everypony thinks that the Changelings captured them, getting me the public support needed to exterminate the Changelings.”
“Clever. Couldn't think of a better plan myself.”
“Believe me. I know you couldn’t.”
“In any case, when your war is done, what then? You set up your tyrannical reign? Should I make the ‘Big Sister is Watching’ posters already?” He snapped his finger, creating a blue and red poster that showed Twilight glaring, the words ‘Obey’ displayed prominently.
“...No,” she said quietly. “The Princesses will be freed. They will be free to do what they wish with me. It won’t matter. The Changelings will be gone.”
“You’ll get your vengeance, you mean.”
‘Fluttershy is avenged, that’s what I mean.”
“I’m sure it’ll be such a comfort to her in the great beyond, seeing her dear Twilight kill untold numbers of lives in her sake.”
“How did you even find out about this?” Twilight spat out, ignoring the stone in her gut. “And why do you even care? The Princesses? Fluttershy?”
“I hate you.”
Unperturbed, he went on, “As for why I’m doing this… True, I have grown closer to the Princesses as of late. An unfortunate side effect of redemption. But they’re not the biggest reason. ...And I do not want Fluttershy’s name to be sullied by this, yes. She deserves better. But the fact of the matter is that she’s gone. You reaping your vengeance or me stopping you. Either way… she won’t come back. So she is not the biggest reason either.”
“Then what? For the giggles? To amuse yourself?”
Discord’s carefree mask fell, and was replaced with eyes of honesty, and a small, weak, sad smile. “...I recall… a princess. She had an enemy. Quite the distasteful fellow. Rehashed every old villainous trick in the book, from A to Q. And he had even cheesier jokes than Pinkie Pie, with none of the charm and perfect delivery. But worse than that… he hurt innocent lives. And he did not care. He was given another chance. Made a friend. And still he did not care. He betrayed her, and the princess. And, as traitors do, he ended up being betrayed as well. It was then that he remembered true friendship, what he had thrown away. It was then that he cared. But it was too late.” He looked away in regret, but then he brought his eyes back to her. “Or… it should have been. But the princess, for unfathomable reasons, instead of leaving him to his deserved fate… saved him. Offered him friendship once more.” It was Twilight’s turn to avert her eyes. “He did not deserve it. Not one bit. But she saw regret in him. Saw good. She saw that he could be better than he let himself be. And so she did not give up on him.” He stared into her eyes, open and unafraid. “So now, he will not give up on her.”
“...So-so what? You… are you going to fight me? Or did you expect that… that speech to work?”
“The latter. Admittedly, it is a bit saccharine, but I thought it had it’s charms. Otherwise… I stay here. I will not move. I will not allow you to fight your war. I might tell everyone of your plan, as you’ve already considered in that paranoid brain of yours. I’m a liability. A risk. You must stop me if our plan will work.”
“And what makes you think I won’t?”
“Because I won’t fight back. As you did for me, as Fluttershy did for me before you, I place my faith in you.”
“I… it’s too late. What I’ve done…”
“You’ve acted out of grief and locked them away. They’re alive, relatively unharmed. Let’s face it, they’ve fallen to worse places. They will forgive. Perhaps not right away, but in time, all will forgive. It is not too late.”
“...And then what? I go back to the Magic Element of Harmony princess who believes in friendship conquering all? ...I don’t know if that pony is alive anymore.”
“...No. You go back to the pony you always were, are, and will be. Not the villain. Not the Element of Harmony. Not the Princess. Those are not who you are but merely what you’ve done.”
“...Then who will I be?”
He smiled. “My dear Twilight Sparkle.” She looked away in shock, her eyes fluttering in thought.
“I… I…” She let out a cry of anguish and dropped to the floor. “I just… I-I thought this was… F-Fluttershy…” He was by her side in a flash, and without a word wrapped an arm around her in comfort. The friends sat there in silence, as the war died around them.
