Birthday Wishes
‘Nothing interesting has happened in months.’ Discord sighed to himself, ‘And now that I’m reformed I can’t just alleviate my boredom.’
The Draconequus looked mildly pleased with himself as an idea occurred to him: he could go help his friend Twilight Sparkle — surely she’d need something done… and if she didn’t then one of her friends would — and if the embodiment of Chaos upon the mortal plane couldn’t find enough ‘leeway’ in help then he’d be better off retired.
With the merest of thoughts Discord teleported himself straight to Twilight’s new castle — this was going to be so much fun, he just knew it.
…And Twilight Sparkle was engrossed in a book, typical.
Well, Discord had been imprisoned as a stone statue for years and years; he could wait… well, maybe not.
“Ahem!” Discord cleared his throat, trying to get Twilight’s attention.
The purple alicorn gave a startled jump and gasp, which was fairly amusing.
“Don’t surprise me like that!” Twilight said, “And Discord… how long have you been there?”
“Oh, eons and eons.” Discord replied before remembering that he didn’t want to annoy her too much, “Wait, you meant here here… just a few seconds.”
“Okay, why are you here?” Twilight asked, obviously leery from her tone of voice.
“Well, I was bored.” Discord said, twirling his tail around an arm.
“Bored.”
“Yes.” Discord answered her non-question. “I thought you might have something you wanted done, some wish I could magically fulfill perhaps?”
“I’m sorry but I have to finish this book, Discord.” Twilight indicated the tome she’d been reading, probably lying about how much she had to get it done immediately, but certainly a tactful way of saying ‘no’ and stymieing his plan.
“I was hoping it might be more festive with you, my friend. I’m really bored.” Discord said before plucking his tail off and placing it atop his head like one of Pinkie Pie’s party-hats. “Please!”
Twilight gave him a blank stare for a few moments before saying something: “If you want a party Pinkie’s throwing a birthday party for someone at two this afternoon.”
“Oh, then I guess I’ll go help her instead!” Discord said gleefully as he plucked one of the tufts off of his tail-hat and blew into it as it became one of those party noisemakers.
Discord snapped his paw and disappeared just as the town’s clock struck the half-our chime.
“Wait! Did I just send a bored Discord to a Pinkie Pie Party!?” Twilight yelled to herself as the realization dawned on her just how utterly, horribly, disastrously wrong things could go… and she only had thirty minutes to find out and get there!
If he’d been there, Discord would have found her panicked scramble to try to remember the who and where of the party quite amusing.
● ● ● ● ●
Discord appeared just outside Pinkie Pie’s door, tail still being worn as a party-hat, and knocked.
“Com~~ing!” Pinkie called out in a sing-song in the moments before she opened the door, her features shifted instantly from happy to suspicious when she saw who it was, “Discord.”
“Yes! Discord!” the Draconequus replied, then proceeded to preempt the obvious, and inevitable, ‘why are you here’-question, “I was bored, so Twilight Sparkle sent me to help you with your birthday party, and what better help than me?”
“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie replied, instantly going back to her cheerful and carefree self, “You can carry these!”
The pink mare reached just inside her room and pulled out a pile of party supplies that had to have been at least twice her volume and handed them to Discord. “Follow me and I’ll get the cakes!”
Discord shrugged before pulling his tail-hat off and opening it like a bag to put all the supplies in before following his bouncing guide like some sort of Frankensteinian Santa Clause.
— — — — —
“Happy Birthday to yo~~u!” Everyone sang as Pinkie brought out the cake and set it before a green unicorn mare and began lighting the candles and ponies began saying “Make a wish, Lyra!”
“Okay, I got it!” Lyra said, sitting in her odd upright style she took a breath and leaned forward… only to be interrupted by Discord.
“Hup-up-up!” Discord, who was wearing his tail as a party-hat again, interrupted. “You have to tell me what you wish for if you want me to grant it; I don’t read minds… too boring.”
“I want to meet a human!” Lyra instantly responded, then continued in an indecisive rush, “A boy-human; no, a girl human! A soldier, or hero; no, someone with a job that shows their cleverness!”
‘Oh, how deliciously contradictory!’ Discord thought to himself as he snapped his fingers causing a pair of oversized dog-bowl’s to appear, one containing water and hot-dogs in the other. “But you have to realize that feeding, watering, and taking care of its messes is your responsibility, young lady.”
Then Discord began searching the universe, then multiverse, for someone that fit that description, his eyes becoming black orbs with spurts of static across them as he delved further and further away… One spot, a ‘collision’ between several universes caught his attention as a promising place, certainly one with a lot of chaos — and an instant later he found his target.
Discord smiled as he opened a portal, reached in, and pulled the human through. It was insanely draining to pull something across dimensions like that and he’d be lying if he said he could do it again very soon, but for now… for now, there was this wonderful new pile of contradictions and craziness to keep him entertained for a while.
● ● ● ● ●
Lyra was dumbfounded.
Her wish, to meet a human, was granted before her very eyes and she couldn’t help but take in the scene: he was lanky, tall, dark brown hair, and clothed wrist-to-heel in a strangely mottled and splotchy gray pattern… so unlike most ponies, with their bright colors, the human seemed very earthy — and hands! — they were so different than hooves and one was… covered in blood?
Then the human fell to the floor like a puppet with its strings cut and, at virtually the same instant, the front door was flung open by Twilight Sparkle’s magic as she charged into the room looking wildly about.
Honestly, Lyra didn’t care what was happening, her dream of learning about humans was finally going to be a reality! ‘Wait, I should take notes. Preliminary observation!’
She levitated her quill, ink, and notebook to her with a speed that would be considered rude and borderline dangerous as she stepped closer to the human and began taking notes on the human form: arms, legs, hands, their range of motion, illustrations, and hypotheses.
He looked slightly worse for wear, with cuts and bruises forming, but it didn’t look like any broken bones. Still, it wouldn’t do for her to lose the chance to study a live human because she misjudged the wounds… but who could know enough about humans, or creatures in-general, to say if he was healthy?
“Erm, does anypony know first aid?” Lyra asked, looking up into the rest of the room… and apparently interrupting the argument that was threatening to break out between Discord and Twilight.
“First aid?” Twilight repeated, ear twitching in concern as to why somepony would want it… then she saw the prone figure lying on the floor, bleeding. ‘Oh, that would be a good reason.’
“Oh! I know!” Pinkie Pie interjected as she bounced toward the door, “I’ll get Fluttershy, and the Doctor! They both have experience with all sorts of creatures, and I’m sure the Doctor knows about humans.”
After Pinkie’s interruption, Discord took the opportunity to replace his tail in the proper spot, “As I was saying, Twilight, I was just giving the birthday-girl her wish… though I’ll admit, it was a stroke of good luck that she wanted to meet such an interesting human.”
“You mean you saw an opportunity for mischief.” Twilight retorted.
“Oh, come on now… I’m reformed, not boring.” Discord said defensively, as he tried to lead Twilight outside. “Besides, aren’t good ponies supposed to do something nice for someone when they have a birthday?”
Twilight shut her eyes in frustration, this was getting nowhere.
“Discord, you need to return, er, him to wherever you got him.” Twilight said, indicating the prone body on the floor, after taking a slight moment to collect her thoughts; chiding herself mentally: ‘No, I can’t just return him without getting him to a doctor.’
“Oh, I can’t do that.” Discord said, somewhat smugly, “Do you know mow much magic it takes to transport between worlds?”
“It didn’t seem all that difficult —” Twilight replied, picking the human up in her magic, “— there was that mirror that Sunset Shimmer used last year to go to another world.”
“Wait! What are you doing?” Lyra asked, with perhaps a bit more volume than she had intended, and following up with a jumble of questions, “Is it safe to move him? Or will that aggravate his injuries? Why does he have to go back so soon? And how do you know it’s a ‘him’?”
Twilight, unprepared for the bombardment of questions, but used to Pinkie Pie’s rapid-fire talking, was caught off-guard and answered without thinking about it: “When I went to the other world, it was populated by these people —” Twilight nodded at the still-floating human, “— I should know the difference between a male and female.”
“What!? You saw humans and didn’t tell me!” Lyra exploded at Twilight, angry that nobody had told her of this.
“Well, it’s not like I knew they were humans…” Twilight said defensively “it’s not like they were wearing shirts that said ‘HUMAN’ right across the front.”
Lyra crossed her forelegs and stared accusingly at the alicorn.
Twilight raised a hoof to pinch between the eyes, “Look, shouldn’t we be getting him to the hospital?”
Lyra trotted out of the building, following after Twilight, apparently off to the hospital, only to be stopped a moment later when Twilight turned around.
“You should stay here and bring Fluttershy and the doctor when Pinkie Pie gets back.”
“Fine, just don’t steal my human!” Lyra replied, looking past Twilight to the suspended form.
● ● ● ● ●
‘A human!’ The Doctor thought with an jubilant smile plastered to his face as he trotted to the hospital, ‘Here in Equestria of all places! Certainly much better than a Dalek… oh, I wonder what his name is… what if it’s John Smith?’
‘Would that be a paradox, or not? I don’t know!’
Upon entering the hospital, the Doctor proceeded to the operating room where the human had just been deposited… it wasn’t hard to find, what with the gawking orderlies and nurses all staring in that direction.
The Doctor quickly commandeered a lab-coat, stethoscope, and surgical mask before continuing into the operating-room — only to be confronted by the doctor there; one Dr. Horse who, for some reason, the doctor thought should really be two days unshaven, walk with a cane and a limp, and be generally grouchy.
“Time Turner, what are you doing here?” Dr. Horse asked, at least living up to the irritableness that the Doctor thought should be present.
“Have you ever operated on a human? Have you even seen one before?” The Doctor asked in reply, “I have… well seen, mostly; though I’ve done a little first aid, too.”
Dr. Horse grumbled a bit but given that he had no experience handling human anatomy any experience there would be helpful. A quick, but thorough, examination along with an x-ray showed that the main thing he needed was his cuts cleaned and stitched, there were no broken bones, and there appeared to be no internal bleeding — the main thing that concerned them after they finished stitching him up was the lack of response to any stimuli — there was no way to tell if there was a concussion or other traumatic brain injury.
— — — — —
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am sorry to trouble you but I have what could be urgent news, possibly connected to the alternate world I traveled to when Sunset Shimmer stole my crown. Discord has brought one of the creatures (called humans) that populated that world here — though it might not be from that specific world — at the behest of Lyra Heartstrings, with whom I am only passingly familiar. (Discord claims that this wish-granting is not a violation of his reform but I am not so sure.)
I remember you warning me about the possibility of disrupting events in an alternate world, which is why my friends couldn’t join me on that journey, and so I have concerns with the human’s presence here.
In any case the human is being treated in Ponyville’s hospital as I write this, he had many cuts and bruises and immediately collapsed on his arrival, the doctor says that he is has unusually weak vitals and is in an “intriguing coma-like state” — though I’m puzzled as to how he could know about a human’s normal vitals in the first place.
Always your student,
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight sighed as she finished her letter; it wasn’t her finest work, but there were so many unknowns in play here. She hesitated for a minute before allowing the quill to fall to a rest on the small table in the waiting room.
“Spike.” Twilight said, rolling the letter into it’s scroll-shape and floating it over to the baby dragon.
“I got it, Twi.” he said, incinerating it with his dragonfire and sending it off to the princess.
“How long is it going to take?” Lyra muttered to herself as she paced back and forth, obviously worried about the human.
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll be ok.” Fluttershy said, attempting to comfort Lyra.
“How do you know?” Lyra responded, wheeling on the poor pegasus, “Do you know how to treat a human? Do you know what kind of missed opportunity this will be if he dies?”
“N-no...” Fluttershy responded as she flinched back from the questions, “but I’m sure he won’t die.”
“Come on, calm down Lyra.” Twilight interjected into the conversation, “Fluttershy hasn’t done anything to deserve you yelling at her — you should apologize.”
Lyra looked abashed for a moment before almost mumbling an “I’m sorry.”
“No, I… y-you… you’re just worried.” Fluttershy said, offering a shy half-smile, “I know I would be worried if one of my animal-friends got hurt and there was nothing I could do but let the vets take care of them.”
Lyra deflated even more. What was with this pony? How could she be so kind, even to those who didn’t deserve it?
— — — — —
Princess Twilight,
Thank you for relating this important event to me. The presence of a single human does not warrant any rash actions; as such, we will treat the human with proper respect and hospitality unless and until he proves himself hostile or otherwise a danger to the citizens of our country.
As to Discord’s reform, this is not technically a violation; however, this does not mean that he bears no responsibility: he and Lyra will be obligated to provide room and board for our guest — it seems that this is the most appropriate response and will hopefully instill in both of them a respect for the consequences of actions.
Luna will visit the human’s dreams tonight or tomorrow to investigate and try to determine the human’s disposition and perhaps learn about our visitor.
Your friend,
Princess Celestia