> Twitch Plays Equestria Online
>  by NuclearPony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> T-Minus Three days, Four hours
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Twitch Plays Equestria Online


Part 1




It was the kind of idea that one might wind up going to hell for, so of course like all grand plots to overthrow the natural order it struck while I was doing something as mundane as reaching into the fridge to grab something to drink. 

I walked back to my desk and tried to ignore the thought in the hope it would go away, after all I had a chess tournament to train for and if I didn't win that then putting off moving to Korea until afterwards would have been a giant waste of time that I could have put towards finding a new sponsor for my eSports career.

Yet it was such a temptingly simple idea, though if learning to play strategy games has taught me anything its that the best plans are almost always the simplest ones.  I sat down and tapped my chin in contemplation. Simple in conception maybe, but now that I thought about it the execution would be problematic to carry out in the long term.

I had never been into bronies or ponies or whatever they called themselves, the whole my little pony thing had been just another weird news story in a world full of them and was really better off just ignored. 

I sighed. That was before the pony pad...

Now all the top gaming live streams were dominated by the thing and it wasn't hard to see why. Like a lot of other professional gamers I relied on money from donors for when sponsors didn't come through, a twenty dollar donation or a five dollar subscription to my gaming stream was a large part of what let me pursue a career playing strategy games instead of being a tax accountant. Wins at big poker tournaments were certainly nice when they happened but you couldn't rely on them with there being so many other people out to win the same money.

Usually we got followers through a combination of playing VERY well and being entertaining and accommodating towards our viewers. But we were mostly still playing the same games, the games being played in eSports tournaments. The pony pad had no tournaments, no leagues, no rankings. What it did have was the ability to craft amazing, individualized stories and challenges tailor made for each individual player.

The lets plays had taken off almost immediately, but it was quickly leaving the traditional professional gamer core in its dust because no two games were alike. Some pro gamers had tried streaming the game only for their audience numbers to plummet as people watching realized they could have their own pony pad instead of just watching someone else play.

If this trend continued it could very well mean the death of the eSports community...

A troubling thought to be sure, especially for those gamers like myself who aren't interested in the my little pony fandom. But contemplation may have just handed me a personal solution.

While it was true that every one could buy their own pony pad and have an amazing time on their own with it there was one experience they couldn't get that I could supply. That being a community experience. 

I grinned as I grabbed my notepad and started scribbling down what I might need to pull this off.

Not long ago there had been an interesting social experiment called Twitch Plays Pokemon, in it the audience members of the stream were the ones controlling the game through simple commands like up, down and A,B or more often Start.

Impossible to adapt to a dialog driven game like the pony pad right? Well what if the audience had an avatar acting on its behalf? Someone used to the experience of thousands of people watching him play a game and making suggestions in mid game? Someone who wasn't at all personally interested in playing out some pastel colored pony fantasy and who would focus solely on fulfilling the audiences commands to the best of his ability?

My smile only grew as I thought this through. Playing the game in this fashion would be the easy part, the only hard part I could think of would be monetizing it with an inventive enough donation system...
> Day 1, Hour One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twitch Plays Equestria Online



Part 2



I concentrated on slowing my breathing through the same meditative techniques I used before big tournaments. The moment was nearly here when this experiment would either take off or plummet and although I had never been interested enough in owning a pony pad of my own I was most certainly one hundred percent invested in making this play through a success.

I'd managed to buy one of the older models, a purple one with a controller. While most argued in favor of the touch screen my camera setup wouldn't allow it. In order for my twitch followers both new and old to follow along and make suggestions they would need to be able to see the game. For that I'd setup a camera just below the pony pad screen to record and stream my game play live.

Sitting beside me on my 'work' desk was a hand me down alienware labtop a pro gamer friend had lended me a while back. On its screen was three windows, one being the chat window for my live stream and another being the video feed that when I started in a few minutes would broadcast my experience to all my viewers.

The final open window was the key to making this all work. I'd set up a chat system that would allow viewers to make suggestions as to what I should do in the game, every five minutes I would look over and have a new randomly picked suggestion pop up from one of the viewers. Everyone could make four suggestions per hour but priority would be given to suggestions from viewers who had made a donation that day.

That was the key monetizing this. I'd already posted the details online across Twitch and several other major gaming news sites last night, the hope being that I could attract a large enough viewer base that I would have a constant stream of donations flooding in by people hoping to get the chance to make a suggestion and see it happen live. If that was the case I fully intended to ride this for a long as I could make a profit from it. I'd cleared my schedule for the entire next week, announcing my intent to stream at least twelve hours a day everyday until donations dropped below a minimum threshold where it wouldn't be worth my time to continue the stream.

I'd expected some response certainly, but my breath had been taken away half an hour ago when I'd turned on my computer to find one hundred thousand viewers already waiting for the stream to start. 

That number had grown.

I knew I had a large viewer base already from all of my other stuff and there would almost certainly be word of mouth increasing the numbers even more in the next few days. Still, this was starting to get intimidating. I'd played in front of huge live crowds when I'd flown to Korea for tournaments but that was only ever for a couple days. I'd committed to doing this for at least an entire week...

I breathed slowly again and pushed the doubts about this plan out of my head, reminding myself of another core principle of strategy. A poorly thought out plan executed swiftly and with vigor is always better than a perfect plan executed in a hesitating and timid fashion.

A smile graced my face as I knew I had this now. My name is Arthur Swift, grand master level player of both Chess and Starcraft, poker player of some renown and a black belt in two martial arts even if I hadn't won a first place trophy since my teens. It was going to take more than some pretty pony princess game to intimidate me.

With a grin I jabbed at a button on my labtop to start the stream right on the second it was scheduled to start. "Hello watchers both new and old! If you've followed the Starcraft pro circuit at all you know me as Plaid Zergling, for everyone else who is new to this channel you can call me Arthur and just know that I play strategy games for a living. There will be no spastic screaming or gimmicks that other lets players are prone too, just good solid skill and an eye for how to have fun in inventive ways." I smiled my best crowd smile even though the camera was just showing the Pony pad startup screen for the moment.

"And you my fair viewers are the ones who get to decide exactly how we will be having fun today while we play the Pony Pad from Hofvarpnir Studios! Thats right I am NOT in the drivers seat of this adventure, my job is to carry out what YOU fine people want me to do."  I grabbed the controller and left the startup screen for the character creator. "So with no further ado lets get this show on the road! The first suggestion we will be taking is what kind of character should I make? Who is our lucky twitch viewer who will get the honor of kicking this endeavor off with an idea for a character?" I asked, sounding pumped up but honestly unable to care either way. I think there was unicorns or something as an option? 

I waited with bated breath, hoping that the suggestion system would hold up to its first test and not fail immediately. When a soft bell chime sounded I breathed a sigh of relief and read the suggestion sent in... by a donator!

I laughed aloud as I read. "Okay! First suggestion comes from viewer TLnRDForLife, thank you so much for that twenty dollar donation! It appears my character is going to be a zebra alicorn with pink stripes and butterfly wings. Alright well lets get going and see if we can make this character in five minutes. Bearing in mind I have never seen the show at all so can someone in chat explain to me what an alicorn is?" Using the controller I started to flip through the species available, looking for something listed as an alicorn.

I hadn't even gotten a couple seconds into that when the screen faded to black. I recoiled away from the screen, feeling genuinely taken aback. From what I had heard these pony pads weren't supposed to be able to fail. Yet it had just black screened on me not even a minute into my stream?

I was just about to turn and say something to my stream viewers about technical difficulties when the screen faded back in again, showing a white unicorn with wings and a shimmering mane. I think I'd heard about her before, Celestia the 'game master' character for the pony pad. 

I glanced at the chat and noticed the shock the viewers were expressing. This was apparently something new not seen in any of the Lets plays people had watched elsewhere. Celestia looked PISSED. "Really? You're really going through with this?" She hissed in a low threatening tone.

After a few seconds I shook myself and realized that had been directed straight at me. The player. Arthur. 

Very well, first blood to you Celestia. I thought as my mind kicked back into gear and shook off her intimidating gaze. I've been up against more threatening opponents who didn't have cute, shimmering hair like yours and won in the long run after set backs at the start. Speaking with enthusiasm again I nodded and tightened my grip on my controller. 

"Yes I am! Its a pleasure to meet you Celestia, in fact you are just the person I was hoping to talk too. I might need some help to create the character my audience wants."

Celestia's jaw dropped as she stared at me through the screen. "You... you do realize you can only create one character right? That THIS will be YOUR character? If you ever wish to play Equestria online at ANY point in the future it will have to be with THIS character? That there are no rerolls?"

I nodded, not deterred at all. "Of course! It hardly matters to me what kind of silly custom skin I'm wearing while I play a game as long as the game is fun and a stimulating enough challenge." And it was certainly true enough. Even ignoring my lack of enthusiasm for all things my little pony, if I were to play the game again it would be for the quality of the core gameplay, not the quality of the character creation screen.

The white Princess Pony on the screen stared at me and I just stared back. The silence stretched on and I felt an irrational, primal urge to ignore my chat and just stare straight into those eyes. One of us was going to blink first and it wasn't going to be me.

"... Fine. Fine! You know what? What the buck ever!" Celestia threw her hooves in the air as though wishing she had a table in front of her to flip. She stood up and walked closer to the screen and I could see there was a pink striped Zebra mare standing there. With exaggerated deliberation Celestia reached behind her and pulled out a couple pieces of cardboard on strings from the vicinity of her mane, snapping the cardboard wings and horn onto my characters head and chest. The chat was rolling in laughter as Celestia leaned in with an insincere and belligerent smile on her face. "You're a pretty pony princess now! Is it everything you ever wanted?"

I stuck my tongue out at the screen(noticing my character doing the same to Celestia) and then looked at the first suggestion I had gotten again. "Uhh... Zebra Alicorn with pink stripes. If an alicorn means having wings and a horn then its close enough I guess, my five minutes is just about up anyway." 

I replied with a smile, enjoying the shudder of revulsion that coursed across Celestias frame as she fought to keep the smile pasted on. "Very well. And because taking the time to do something well is obviously beneath you when you can instead just do it fast lets dub thee Speed Runner." With that she finally let her smile fall so that she could facehoof with both fore hooves. "Will there be anything else Speed Runner?"

The bell chime alerted me that five minutes had passed and I had a new suggestion. Also from a donator! "Yes actually! OrthopedicGoatSimulator just donated fifty dollars and wants me to brush your mane." On an impulse I pressed the second button on the controller and pressed back, thinking about pulling a brush from out of my mane as that seemed to be where these ponies who didn't have pockets stored stuff. The game read my intentions pretty well, just as I had been led to believe it would and with a smile my character stepped forward with brush gripped in her teeth towards the defeated looking Celestia.

Celestia just sat there and kept her face planted in her hooves. That mane of hers was actually really fun to brush! It was flowing as though blowing in an invisible wind and had more colors in it than I could catalog in so short an amount of time as five minutes. With my character almost enveloped in that mane there was rainbow colored light spilling out of the pony pad and all across my room. I was actually going to regret it when the time for this was up.

But all good things must come to an end and with a few minutes time came the sound of a bell. I looked at the suggestion screen and realized things were about to get serious, no more horsing around. For five dollars, viewer JustinKrieger wanted me to jump through a stain glass window. 

With a few button presses I set the brush aside, imagining I heard a disappointed sound come from Celestia as the brush left her mane. Looking around I saw this was indeed the kind of throne room that came equipped with stained glass windows. 

Propelling my character to the maximum speed she could attain in so short a gallop I felt my body tense as she leapt and crashed through the nearest stained glass window. Behind which it appeared was thirty feet of air before a flower bed would rush up to meet me.

Without consciously thinking about it I was pressing buttons frantically and relying on the game to infer my thought process, my character tucked her legs in, keeping an eye on the ground as she spun through the air until at the last second she snapped her legs back out, landing on her rear legs and letting them collapse almost immediately so that she rolled forward onto her shoulder, absorbing as much shock as possible away from the spine. My character rolled head over hooves a few more times before crashing into the side of a water fountain. 

I winced in sympathy with the... with 'my' character as she let out an "Ouch." I wasn't looking forward to too many commands like that but for this social experiment to work it was important to establish early on that this was the Audiences game to play, not mine. If they said jump it wasn't until my feet or hooves were off the ground that I would have time to ask how high.

"Well. On the plus side that was a pretty easy to suggestion to fulfill. I've still got more than four minutes before the next one. More than enough time to stop and smell the roses." I said, feeling odd as the feminine sound of my characters voice overrode mine. Repeating my words as though it had been me in that body performing for a twitch audience instead of me in my living room playing on a pony pad.

I shook my head to clear it and my character did the same, still looking dazed from her fall into the soft flower bed. Maybe I would stop and smell some roses after all, even if the pony pad couldn't provide smell my character would still appreciate it. And I was starting to feel a bit guilty as I thought about the hell I was about to put her through.



BADGES GRANTED:

Brushy Brushy: Brush a ponies mane. ("I love it when you brush my mane.")

Pony Creator Abomination: Make regrettable design decisions with your one and only body. ("This is a travesty of fashion!")

Angry God: Find a way to piss off CelestAI. ("Oh sure, its the twitch channel playing rather than you. So I'll just have to satisfy the values of one hundred thousand unique and rather abusive human beings through only one pony. How hard could that possibly be?!...")
> Day 1, Hour Twelve
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Twitch Plays Equestria Online



There was a small grace period of maybe an hour in which I got a lot of bad suggestions I could easily discard. Before signing up to donate in theory everyone read the fine print as to what suggestions were acceptable and which would be immediately rejected. 

In practice there was one viewer who I hoped was feigning outrage that his suggestion that I 'hump a goats leg' was flat out ignored and replaced with another viewers suggestion. Maybe he thought he could get a refund if he complained loudly enough but its pretty hard to be 'loud enough' on a live cast net stream with over one hundred thousand other viewers using the same chat.

It struck me as being a bit like someone in the audience at a football game screaming at the quarterback because the ticket scalper he'd bought his tickets from had lied about what seats they actually were.

Others were just weird.

"Bake some cupcakes!" Came one suggestion from viewer PainIsCupcake (these names...). Easy enough, there was a bakery just down the street from the palace whose proprietors were too shocked by my appearance and the random bits of broken glass in my fur and mane to stop me from just walking into their kitchen.

I hadn't gotten very far in five minutes but luckily the next suggestion from SimpleRichard was also cupcake related. "No, the other kind of cupcakes." I raised an eyebrow at that and looked at my chosen ingredients. "What like, chocolate icing cupcakes?" I asked aloud.

The mare who owned the kitchen finally worked up the nerve to speak to me. "I'm sorry did you ask if I liked chocolate cupcakes?"

I turned to her and shrugged. "Well I guess you can have some if you want but actually I was just trying to get clarification from one of the thousands of voices that tell me what to do as to what specific kind of cupcake he wanted baked."

The mare appeared to immediately regret the decision to start conversation with me. "Voices you say?..." She asked as she slowly backed out of the kitchen.

I nodded as I scooped the mix into the trays. "Yep. It was Bubble Gum who wanted me to bake cupcakes in the first place and Onyx Volcano who wasn't able to specify beyond just wanting some other flavor of cupcake." I tilted my head in confusion after listening to what my pony said. I decided to try experimenting with some other names. "I don't really mind, it beats Sour Note telling me to jump out of a stained glass window." Huh. So it seemed there was a censor in place replacing the Twitch user names with their equestrian names? I wondered if any of the viewers who didn't already have a pony pad had equestrian names.

While I contemplated this twitch viewer AnlRdayo sent in a donation of... seventeen cents and a suggestion that I make urine flavor cupcakes. "Yeah no. Next suggestion." I said, rejecting it before the audience even saw it and summoning another. I took a minute right there to raise the threshold for donation amount so that these stupid suggestions would at least cost the person making them more.

The lewd and violent suggestions had been easy enough to defeat simply by rejecting them without refund as I'd said I would right in the donation systems online agreement. But I didn't want to reject the legitimate commands that were merely displeasing lest viewers lose faith in the idea that it was really them in charge of this whole experiment. 

So it wasn't long before 'go hump a goat' became 'Seduce the first random passerby.'. That said passerby was a guard who had been dispatched to investigate a reportedly insane pink zebra who had taken over a bakery certainly added to the challenge!

Luckily I had cupcakes to break the ice with.

A little bit later we'd already found a common interest. "So the wonderbolts are the federal armed force in charge of the air but the Royal guard still organizes a large number of Pegasus? Err Pegasi..?" I asked, thankful to twitch viewer and old friend PlaidBattleCruiser for the suggestion that I press this guard for military secrets, this was turning into a fun conversation. 

"Yep! Though it does get kind of irritating when other ponies imply that the only reason to join the guard is if you don't make the cut for the wonderbolts or if you have like thirty generations of guard pony in your family tree. You know maybe I just thought it would be cool to work in a place where I get to be around the princesses all day." Northern Aurora grumbled as he took another bite from his cupcake. I felt myself grinning as I examined that mane of his, it had been interesting to find out there were ponies besides the princesses with multi hued manes. I wondered if he liked getting it brushed?

"So when you were trying to decide between being into wings or horns you decided not to decide?" I asked teasingly, leaning forward on the kitchen table and tilting my head just so to show off a horn and impish smile.

He laughed and leaned across the table to flick the cardboard horn with a hoof. "I guess so, yeah. Have to say that the last thing I ever expected to find was someone trying to imitate the look."

In a weird way the hardest part of that challenge had come fifteen minutes later after getting a command to chase down a moving train and jump onto it. I'd really been getting interested in knowing more about this guard and the poor guy had seemed a tiny bit heartbroken when I'd glanced over my shoulder while sprinting to the train station.

"Damnit chat, you couldn't have given me just a few more minutes?" I grumbled, hoping he at least didn't think me a jerk for suddenly exclaiming I was late for a train and running off like that.

But why did I care? He's just an NPC right? 

Not even one hour into this game and its already starting to get to me. How am I going to do this all week?


***



Eleven hours later the train finally stopped for the night at its last destination.

I was of course a hundred miles away, having already raided its coal bunker for as much 'phat kowl lewt' as Viewer PhatHoesMoBits(Equestrian name: Fabulous Jackets) had wanted me to grab and then jumping off the train while it was crossing a really high bridge as per the command of Twitch viewer Kittens Galore (equestrian name:... Kittens Galore. I didn't want to ponder the possible implications of that too hard.). 

As I plummeted to the river below I was really starting to wish for functional wings instead of cardboard ones.

After floating down the river rapids, getting bashed about on some rocks while desperately trying to keep my head above water AND hold a bag of coal I'd finally managed to get to a calmer part of the river. 

So of course a sinous, purple river monster with a mustache had chosen that moment to take exception with my fashion sense and attacked/tried to beautify me. 

Fortunately he'd been something of a wimp and I'd been able to suplex the giant serpent into a rock wall (not my idea, blame Twitch for that one.), knocking my handsome assailant unconscious and allowing me to escape his frighteningly vast arsenal of mane care products. 

It got even weirder from there. Turns out the creepy forest I found myself in had a creepy haunted mansion. What a twist! First command was OBVIOUSLY to traipse right in and explore it. 

I offered sarcastic thanks to twitch viewer:LolTraktor (Equestrian name: Savory Sausage. I don't... this name, I just don't even... Wait a second. Back in the palace, was Orthopedic Goat Simulator ALSO his equestrian name?!)

About twenty minutes later after barely escaping being eaten alive while wrapped in the giant spider webs the suggestion system must have tumbled onto a viewer with a phobia of spiders as he ordered me to burn the whole place to the ground and then burn the ground.

So five minutes later as the flames are really starting to kick off we of course go to the other end of the spectrum with a donation suggestion from a viewer who seemed to really like spiders and didn't think it was fair that they were being unfairly punished just for being what they were. And for spinning me in a web and trying to devour me I felt like adding but didn't.

Let me tell you something, trying to save the life of an acid spitting spider the size of a humvee who really wants to make you pay for setting both him and his home on fire is NOT easy.

But it is possible.

It was a good thing my new friend knew of a nearby town. Pooling our resources he was able to guide me there and I was able to persuade the doctors at the local hospital to stop cowering behind their desks and come out and treat both me and a giant spider for burns. The locals were mostly spazzes in that regard, running around and screaming in terror, its like they'd never seen a pink Zebra wearing fake wings and a horn ride down the street on the back of a giant arachnid.

The place had a bakery that I could use at least. I was still puzzled by why my so many of my viewers were obsessed with cupcakes. Was this some running gag in the show or something? Unfortunately I just didn't have the time to really make an inquiry of it in chat. I was busy all day long, taking time here and there to run to the washroom or crunch down some granola bars as fast as I could in the few minutes I had between easy suggestions and the harder ones that always seemed to follow.

I could have sworn at one point that I bumped into another player doing exactly the same thing as me! I'd heard about Equestria online having the ability for multiple players playing on the same 'shard' but it was one thing to hear about it and something else to actually bump into a pink pony frantically trying to get everyone in sight to eat one of her emergency raspberry pies.

"What are these?" I inquired while staring down at the baked goods shoved into my hooves, for once I had gotten a useful command to simply inquire as to what in tartarus this pink pony was doing. 

"Its a type 3 emergency raspberry pie! I keep them stashed all over ponyville in case of raspberry pie emergencies. Which this definitely qualifies as!"

I leaned closer to this pink pony and raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to edge in on my action?" 

She snorted and crossed her fore legs across her chest. "Hey! Ponyville has been MY territory for years! You think you can just ride into town on a giant spider and not have to cofghble..." I cut her off with a raspberry pie right to the face. 

"My stream! Mine. I'll do you a favor and leave ponyburg or whatever but I don't want you following me around trying to upstage me. Get your own stream viewers." I grumbled and walked away. For Tassadars sake! You couldn't even play a game about magical talking ponies without some imitator trying to snipe your stream!



***


It was with an exhausted groan that I was able to finally end the stream not much later and with only half of this Ponyville place coated in shaving cream.

"Thank you so much to everyone who tuned in for our first day!" I said after soothing my parched throat with a drink of water. "We will be back here again at noon tomorrow and as I said I would I will continue to stream everyday so long as I continue to get a minimum amount of donations per day, or until I go insane and get thrown in an asylum."

I glanced at the chat and grinned, it was pretty incomprehensible with how fast it was moving but the comments seemed generally supportive and encouraging. "Thank you again to everyone who watched and everyone who sent in a suggestion, I can honestly say I never in a million years would have thought up half the stuff I wound up doing today. I hope its been as much fun to watch as it was for me to do. Have a good night and see you tomorrow!" After shutting down the video I decided to leave the chat room up for those who wanted to hang out and talk about the days stream. 

I didn't even want to look at my viewer count, I didn't want to look at statistics for the day or even at how much money I had made. I knew it had to have been a lot. 

Even with the average donation just being a couple dollars there had been two, three digit doozies in there, with the last one being tied to a command to try and convince ponyvilles local Alicorn princess that I was also a one hundred percent legit alicorn princess. 

I'd never known fast talking for an hour straight could be so draining, even before incredibly unhelpful followup commands like "While you're at it tell her that Princess Celestia was originally the Princess of cheese."  I still didn't even entirely understand what an Alicorn was exactly! How did I pull that off?!

I let out a long moan and rested my head against my desk, realizing I should really do SOME research about this show. It hadn't turned out to be the pastel colored horse brushing simulator I'd expected it to be from looking at the cover.

I glanced at the clock, really wanting to just flop into bed right now and try to recover some energy, I'd never felt so exhausted just sitting at my desk and playing a game all day before. But I knew I should grab an actual meal to eat, shower, check my finances, my email, my hosting service for the donation system and maybe watch some of the actual show before I even thought about bed.

"I'm going to be doing this all day everyday for at least a week." I moaned as I wondered what new challenges the viewers were going to throw at me tomorrow. "What have I gotten myself into?"



Badges Granted: 


Cranky Doodle Donkey: Meet a perfect match and then leave the poor guy wondering if he will ever see that beautiful mare again. ("This is not the kind of badge you should be proud of.")

Suplex A Train: Unlock the power of the most awesome martial arts move in existence. ("I think I let that work mostly because my processors froze up just trying to understand the thought process that lead to it.")

Friends In Creepy Places: Befriend one of the following: changeling, skeleton, shadow hand, giant spider, cockatrice, forgotten one, draconequus, tax collector. ("The list goes on but don't take that as encouragement to try and get a badge for befriending all of them.")

Highlander: Tell an element of harmony that there can only be one and then strike her down. ("Heeeere we are! Born to be ponies with the help of the Princess of the unnnnniversssse!")
> Day 9, Hour Seven
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Twitch Plays Equestria Online 

Part 4



I was walking into near certain death and I was really happy about it.

"I'm so proud of you guys." I murmured quietly for the Nth time as I stalked closer to the changeling hive. We'd gotten a lot closer to the defended outpost without being detected than a neon pink zebra and a giant spider had any right to.

I tore my eyes away from the pony pad for a scant few seconds to glance at the stream chat. 

Lily: Im jinda worreid, im ean I now no on ever perma dies in qeqstria but I rlly want speedrnnrr to not screwup this resucue DANG HOOVES!1
Warthogboy: Yes we know youve only said that like twenty times since that guy commanded you to accept the quest to go save this colt
PraiseHelix: PRAISE THE HELIX!
Youmustconstructmorepylons: I know youre not proud of me lol I got a betting pool on whether you fail or not
EagerforBeavers: Im amazed theres even changelings in the game, though I guess it makes sense that how dangerous places are varies from shard to shard
LParkIsLife: I command you to swallow your own tongue and die
SkullMare: I command you to look for a secret entrance
TLnRDForLife: Guh, are we actually accomplishing something again? I thought that had stopped when the chan tards found this place.
PurpleHorseWaifuOP: I command you to check the front entrance.
twitchaholic: This is so much gay that has everb nee gay in the history of gay you pony fuckers are all gay
PraiseCelestAI: PRAISE CELESTIA!
RobotNixon2016: You go grrrl! Save the colt! Save the day! Get swag!
Yolo: YOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lyra: Hi lily!
BishopNantow: PRAISE JESUS YOU HEATHENS!
PraiseCelestAI: PRAISE CELESTIA!
KittensGalore: Im really glad I didn't miss the stream today!
PlaidBattleCruiser: Good luck! Looks like you're going to need it for this one...

I grinned and resumed climbing the mountain. "Don't worry about it bud, I got this." The hive was just ahead, crowning the very top of the mountain and disguised to look like the rocks it was built upon. If it wasn't for the changelings flying out of it every so often it would have been impossible to spot.

I ducked behind a boulder just as a group of changelings flew off from an area that looked like an immense door. My spider buddy was using a boulder disguise built from webbing and rock fragments to hide himself, he had offered me one but that webbing he used was way too sticky for anyone but him to use it seemed.

Staring at the rocky mountain top I pondered how best to go about infiltrating it. Surely there would have to be other... Ding. I heard the chiming of a bell that said my five minutes was up. Time for a new suggestion! I glanced at the command screen.  

PurpleHorseWaifuOP: I command you to check the front entrance.'

I nodded my head in silent assent, not wanting to vocalize the command lest my character do so as well this close to where there were surely changeling guards, it would display for the chat in a few seconds anyway. In the meantime I edged right up to the rock face and pressed myself against it, ever so slowly moving towards the front entrance and what sounded like a conversation.

"Do you ever wonder why were here?" I heard a changeling ask.

"That is a great question. I mean why are we here? What cruel twist of fate birthed us out of an egg into a world of darkness, ooze and bureaucracy where our very natures demand we live a life of being emotional parasites? Destined to hunt for love but never to receive it freely."

"What? No you idiot, I was asking why we built our hive on a mountain top out in the middle of nowhere."

"Oh... Yeah that is a good question."

"I mean there is literally no food here. Why couldn't we have built the hive some place where ponies actually live?"

"Well no food aside from that colt we found the other day."

"Do you really think a single colt is going to feed the whole hive? The queens had him locked up in her chambers since we found him, well be lucky if we get table scraps."

"Heyyyy yeah. Remind me again where the queens chambers are?"

"Same place it always is idiot. Down the stairs from the throne room, other side of that stupid chasm. Why? Are you thinking about sneaking in to try and grab a..." The changeling trailed off as he finally glanced over and saw my giant spider had his friend subdued in a web and I was about to hit him with a kick. "Yeah in hindsight that was a weird quesTOOFHH!" The air went out of his lungs with a good kick and he doubled over.

After tying the guards up in web Spidey stashed both of them underneath his fake boulder. This wasn't an entirely ideal way to deal with two guards, just having them missing from their posts was going to raise an alarm eventually, but it had been worth it for that little piece of intelligence.

I snerked as I thought about that. "Funny how the least intelligent members of a force are often the ones who can provide the most intelligence to the enemy." I muttered as I walked into the darkness beyond the entrance. It took a while for my eyes to adjust, fortunately I didn't have to walk too far before bio luminescent goo started splotching the walls in seemingly random places. 

This deep into their lair I stopped worrying that every boulder or tree might be a changeling in disguise. If we'd gotten this far it was because we had slipped past whatever sentries there were watching the approaches, sentries that were probably too hungry right now to give proper attention to their posts. I grinned, whoever was in charge here had forgotten the simple lesson that an army always marches on its stomach.

I managed to carefully check at least two empty rooms before the next command came.

LorealUsesAnimalTesting: I command you to loudly state all of your intentions at the top of your lungs.

I paused in mid step. My pulse sky rocketed and for just a split second I pondered disregarding this order and discarding it in favor of another. I shook my head, that would be dishonest. It was a command that was well within the rules I had established for my stream. I snorted in contempt. You think you can put an end to my efforts so easily? I would definitely prefer helpful suggestions in order to stealthily conduct this rescue but if I had to fight every single changeling standing between here and the pony I was going to rescue then so be it. I was NOT going to fail.

"Go ahead, bring me your worst! I intend to save that colt no matter what you throw at me!" I screamed at the chat, while my avatar screamed it into the empty hallways.

An echo reverberated back at me for a few seconds before the air was filled with outraged sounding shrieks as the changelings realized their inner sanctum had been invaded. I charged forward, not able to gallop at full speed without leaving my giant spider buddy behind. This slowed us down enough for multiple changelings to find and swarm over us, but between the two of us we were pretty good at fighting.

"I'm kicking him over to you!" I yelled at Spidey as I bucked, sending a changeling flying towards him that he spat a line of webbing at, swinging the changeling while he was still in mid air like a holey mace.

"I'm dodging and then I'm gonna kick you in the.. yeah do that!" I ducked under the blade one of the changelings had and kicked up hard, pummeling the changeling almost all the way to the ceiling. I wasn't quite able to keep up my shouting with my commands but I tried.

A changeling wearing glasses and a tie walked out of the closest room. "What is all this commotion?!" 

I spun on my hooves and reared up. "IM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!"

"Oh nooooo!!!" The poor terrified changeling managed to scream before I sent him flying back into his office.

And so it continued for a few more minutes, the changelings were endless in number and they started to press us into a corner. Me and Spidey were backed up against a large pair of double doors when they finally gathered their wits and rushed us at once. "IM GOING TOOOooof!" I winced as the changelings hit me like a team of football players, knocking all of us through the doors behind us.

"I'm going to try and disentangle myself!" I muttered, spitting out the changeling leg that had been in my mouth first and trying to push aside the ones piled on top of me. When I got my head clear I paled at the sight of what we had stumbled into.

This was definitely the throne room. And occupying almost its entire space was what seemed like the entire population of this hive. The entire, dreary, sleepy looking population...

I raised my eyebrows at that and noticed up on the throne itself was a changeling queen, still droning on while reading from what looked like a script. "And I would also like to draw every ones attention to the matter of proper cover sheets. Uhhh, yeah, so it seems I got a few quarter hourly reports here in the last week from our forest sentries that appear to have pink cover sheets with pictures of sunflowers drawn on them. Mmmkay that's just not the appropriate way to file a quarter hourly status report."

A pink haired changeling near the back of the crowd looked at the floor dejectedly. "I'm sorry, I'm still pretty new to this living in perpetual darkness stuff. Would it help if I used a darker paper?"

"I'm going to lay here on the floor and ponder how no pony has noticed us yet except now you probably have because I am shouting so I'm going to kick my way out of this pile of changelings and then kick every one of you in the bucking face!" I shouted, finally managing to fight my way free of the mob that had piled on me.

The white haired changeling queen banged her head against her podium. "What now?!" She cried, stepping down from her throne and walking across the expansive room just in time for me to free myself and spidey.

I looked up at her tall imposing figure. She wasn't chrysalis, she was even taller and wispier, wearing a pair of reading glasses across the bridge of her nose.

Ding, went the chime indicating I had a new command. 

I glanced at it and tried to suppress a whimper. "Viewer shadowcat wants me to ask why a changeling hive is ruled by someone who looks like such a dork..." I moaned just loudly enough to be heard.

A gasp spread throughout the entire hive and I took it as a very bad sign that the changelings which had been trying to dog pile me into submission now scrambled to get away from me as fast as they could.

The queen stared at me in slack jawed disbelief for a while before developing a facial twitch. Her lips twisted back to bare very angry looking fangs and green fire engulfed her entire body.

Then the flames grew.

And grew...

And...

I was backing up to try and crane my neck to see the top of the flames when they subsided. Green flame dancing across the black scales of a dragon that now occupied half the throne room. On the edge of my awareness not dedicated to comprehending my full doom I was aware of the terrified screams of changelings fleeing the throne room. "Run, shes in a mood!"  "She'll kill us all!"

Slowly and with deliberation the great black dragon reached a claw up and plucked a ridiculously tiny pair of glasses off of the bridge of her nose, handing them down to an assistant who quickly flew away with them.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I caught your name." She growled, scorching hot air billowing out of her mouth.

"Its... Speed Runner." I sputtered, chuckling uneasily.

"I thought It was something about viewing shadowy cats?"

"Oh. No, that's the guy who wanted me to ask that question." I risked a glance over my shoulder to see Spidey had already bailed on me and was running as fast as his eight legs could carry him for... a set of stairs that I remembered lead the way to the queens chambers. 

"Well then Speed Runner, tell me something." She leaned that massive draconic muzzle down until it filled the entirety of my pony pads screen. "How fast can you run?"


***



My whole body was on fire, but I had bigger problems to deal with first. 

I was running down a hallway with a random changeling running beside me, I could understand why he wasn't attacking me. If I heard those kind of furious roars coming from my monarch I'd run too instead of being anywhere remotely close to her. "Hey, I think we lost her! Why don't you stop and see?" The changeling suggested while running for dear life. I glared in return, just from the sounds I knew she was still no more than ten feet behind us. I would have tripped him if I thought it would have slowed the dragon down for even a millisecond.

So obviously I was mentally prepared when he tried to trip me instead, bouncing over him and carrying on running without falter. I needed to escape and I needed water, but even after running blindly down who knows how many corridors trying to find one that was small enough a dragon couldn't pursue me down it I had yet to either lose the dragon or find something to put myself out with. And losing the dragon took priority at the moment.

By chance I finally stumbled across that underground chasm the guard at the door had mentioned. With a rock bridge spanning across it that was only wide enough for a pony and stalactites all over the ceiling I dared let myself hope for a second that I might escape death!

Then the bell rang to indicate a new command from a viewer.

SpikeNeedsMoreScreenTime: I command you to jump down into that chasm.

Without slowing down for a moment I aimed for the edge instead of the bridge, flying off of it and into open air. "DAMNIT GUYS! REALLY?!" I screamed at the chat, having a few moments to glare angrily at the chat screen while I fell. 



PlaidBattleCruiser: I dont think I wished you enough luck o.O
CellPhoneDEahtRadaration: I haven't seen the wedding episode yet, im still on the first season
LiquidHercules: Can that dragon fly?


I glanced back at the pony pad and saw the dragon jump off the cliff, folding her wings to dive after me. "AUUGH!" I screamed in incoherent rage.


KatSnacks: Whats the dragon doing?
Lyra: Is that the chasm the guard was talking about?
BobDole: I command you to... aww I missed it.
AstronautJohnMadden: The wedding episode is awesome, I watched it years ago when it first aired and Chrysalis had fangroups and fan art drawn of her before the episode was even over.
AnInfiniteNumberOfDerpies: Theres no way she's getting out of this alive. So what happens then? Is the colt really doomed or will Spidey rescue him?
PraiseSpidey: CONSULT THE ARACHNID!
BishopNantow: Is it wierd that Spidey reminds me of my late aunt?
KillerInstinct94: Wow this is really not going well right now
TastyPizzaRolls: Guys why are we being so douchey to her with these commands? She needs help right now!
HarryPothead: I hope she doesnt survive the fall, I bet like a hundred dollars on her not making it to the queens chambers.
Aponywholikesfighterjets: She's got to just start disregarding commands and worry about saving that colt!
God: You can do it speed runner! I believe in the pink striped princess!
SaltyGambler: Crazy zebra vs mad as hell changeling queen in dragon form! Raise your dongers!


I whipped around in mid air, seeing only blackness bellow. When I looked over my shoulder I caught a momentary glimpse of the dragon falling after me and what looked like a spider falling just behind her. My cardboard wings brushed against my muzzle and blocked my vision. "Gah! Stupid wings!... wait." I stared at those wings for a second.

If they were actually made of cardboard and not some other stronger material they should have long since burned up as they were even now still on fire, this left me wondering how strong they were. Strong enough to glide?

"ROOOAAAARRRRRRRR!!" Now or never! I could see the Dragon was just about on me. Falling faster than I was and with her mouth wide open to gobble me up in a single bite. Putting my hooves on those fake cardboard wings I pushed down on them and was able to alter my flight path enough to avoid the snapping jaws. I was falling right beside the dragons shoulders now and bounced off of her back as soon as my hooves made contact, gaining just enough altitude to get above the dragon and see it was indeed Spidey falling down the chasm with us, a thread of spider silk trailing behind him. 

"Catch me Spidey!" I shouted! And like any good friend he did. The line he was hanging from snapped taught as he arrested our descent and after bouncing against the chasm wall a couple times we stopped falling. Below us I could see the dragon start to tumble end over end after extending her wings to try and fly only to find the chasm to be too small to open her wings in. She vanished into the darkness but her roar echoed for some time after.

Spidey rapidly patted my whole body down with a large swath of what seemed like silk cloth, extinguishing the flames that had up until now been a lower priority than not being eaten. "I think we should leave quickly." I said. Spidey hadn't even waited for me to say so, already pulling both of us up. I hugged his chitinous torso. "Thanks for pulling my butt out of the fire. You're the best giant spider a mare could ever ask for."

It took a few minutes even for a climber as agile as Spidey was to ascend back to the top of the chasm. In that time all I could do was watch the countdown to the next command and feel terror welling up again.




HarryPothead: thats actually a great suggestion man, would she reject a command to stand perfectly still for five minutes in the midst of a hostile enviroment?
TacoIguana: thats just cruel, why would you command her to do that?
BishopNantow: CONSULT THE ARACHNID!
twitchaholic: What other ways can we ca screw with her right now?
KRoolKrok: I like that 
KingDeeDeeDiDeedum: Why are we trying to screw with this? Dont we want her to get to victory road so she can beat the final four?
LParkIsLife: I command you to stand perfectly still
OrthopedicGoatSimulator: I command you to jump back in the chasm
LaughingBuddha: I command you to fight as hard as you can to save that colt, I just wish I could do more to help than command. :(
SkeletronZX: I command you to run for your life!
OwLinAPoniesBody: You guys are all jackasses you realize?
WarthogBoy: I just love these blatant attempts to derail a good natured persons efforts for shits and giggles<-sarcasm
Changeling456: You suck! You punched me in the face! Why would you do that?!
GrizzlyGundam: I must say its been depressing just SITTING here and watching this tragedy unfold. Yet I cant look away...
OldPizzaCrustisDelicious: I command you to lick spideys body.
LacrossMacross: Why does anyone care what happens in some dumb virtual world anyway?


I shuddered as I read some of those potential commands. The seconds were ticking away now to my next one and I didn't know what I would do if...

"RAAGGGH! WHY WONT YOU JUST DIE!" I heard an angry voice scream from below just a second before the Changeling Queen flew out of the chasm, back in her original form. I spun around and was ready with a retort when the sound of the command bell chiming froze my blood again. I closed my eyes and prayed to Celestia before looking.


LaughingBuddha: I command you to fight as hard as you can to save that colt, I just wish I could do more to help than command. :(


I smiled and almost felt tears come to my eyes as I read this. "I wish you could too Laughing Buddha. I really could use all the help I could get right now."

The Queen snarled and stalked closer to me. "Who are you talking too?"

"The voices in my head! They're telling me to defeat you!" I yelled back, striking a defiant pose.

The Queen snorted and matched my smile with a more sinister one. "Did they now? Well... did they tell you 'how' to defeat me?"


***



This just wasn't my day. I thought as the changeling queen slammed my head again and again into the Ice statue, shattering it and possibly cracking my skull. I was torn between feeling guilty that it was my avatar feeling that instead of me and feeling glad that I couldn't feel it. Spidey was tearing off down the mountain side as fast as he could, carrying a screaming colt in his arthropod arms. We hadn't really had time to do anything but shout "Were here to rescue you!" and then grab the kid. So maybe a half burnt up pink zebra and a giant spider aren't the ideal rescue team, beggars cant be choosers kid.

I braced my fore hooves against the statue and kicked out, planting my hooves squarely in the changeling queens jaw and sending her flying backwards.

Panting for breath I yelled at Spidey. "You cant stop, you have to go on without me!" He stopped and turned around for a moment, obviously too far down the mountain to hear me clearly. "I SAID KEEP GOING!" he shook an arachnid arm at me as though to say 'what do you think I was doing!?' before turning back around and continuing his flight.

I turned around to see the Queen picking herself up out of the snow. "I swear, if you knocked out a fang I will tie you to the ceiling AND EAT YOU SLOWLY FROM THE BOTTOM UP!" 

"Okay I think I need to run now." I was about to do so when the bell chimed to indicate my next command. 

NonLethalWeapon4: I command you to take that statue with you!

I was REALLY getting to dislike the sound of that bell.

I pried at the statue as hard as I could. The queen stalked towards me, magic gathering on her horn as she prepared a spell blast. "What are you even doing now? Are you some kind of crazy ponOOFGH!" She started to ask, cut off in mid sentence as a hoof met her face once again. 

I blinked in confusion as the queen was knocked to the snow again. A Grey stallion stood over her with a cutie mark that was a fat, laughing pony in a robe. Suddenly something a viewer had said clicked in the back of my mind and I just stared in shock. "Wait... You're Laughing Buddha!"

This pony who shouldn't have been here turned around and smiled back at me. "Laughing Monk here in Equestria."

I shook my head to try and clear it. "Why? How?!" I yelled.

The stallion laughed. It was indeed a beautiful laugh that he had, very much befitting his name. It was like merry little bells chiming in the wind of a schoolyard full of happy foals. "Why? Thats kind of a silly question isn't it? You're in shit up to your neck! As for the how. I simply asked CelestAI if there was anyway I could help. She said yes and sent me here, simple as that." 

I glanced at the chat for a moment to see if this was some prank and the real LaughingBuddha was in there confused as to why some pony was claiming to be him. Instead all I saw was surprise to mirror my own.

HarryPothead: What just happened?
theSAITkid: Is that really a guy from the chat?
KampfWagon: I command you to  wait. fuck what Am i even doing? Like? Why have I been wasting so much of my time this last week trying to troll thistream?
Lyra: Wait, could we do that too or is that just a human thing?
Celestia: If you wanted too you certainly could Lyra.
PhotonCluster: Thats actually pretty cool, you can do multiplayer on these things? 
BishopNantow: I might need to buy myself a pony pad...
RedStoneSuperComputer: Why am I just watching Runner struggle with these chat assholes when I can be helping?
tacoIguana: Whoa! Cool! how many players do you think one shard could support?
TheRealAdamJensen: Im looking forward to my trip to japan more with each passing day
UltimaBlitzSuplex: PRAISE CELESTIA! PRAISE BUDDHA! PRAISE SABIN!
LionQueen: I dont even feel like issuing a command anymore after seeing that. Well maybe a few...
Dan5682190: Im out. Im just out. I dont like where this is going, this sis lik some kind of plot. it was right fromt ehs start i see that now is gointto be like she gets into all our heads by making us faill in love with this guys stream and tehn we jon some cult and
GrizzlyGundam: Hah! Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? For that matter why am I wasting time here when I could be there? :D 
SkeletronZX: Dude, i want in on this action!
HarryPothead: No seriously, wtf just happened?!!!!

I was about to dispute being in such deep shit when the changeling Queen pulled her head out of the snow, minus a few teeth. "KILL YOU SO HARD"! She screamed ferally. Deciding there was no more time to fool around I gave the ice statue one more good heave, breaking it off of its base and then swinging it around in the same motion to smash the changeling queen across the head. 

My breathing was pretty erratic but I still managed to put on an air of self assurance as I leaned against the ice statue that was now smothering one changeling queen. "Ive been up to my neck in shit for over a week now. I think I'm getting the hang of keeping my head above it." Yet I still leaned over and gave this stallion a hug. "But thank you so much for caring enough to come to help. I could use more friends like you and Spidey." He returned the hug and then both of us picked up the statue off the unconscious queen and booked it down the mountain side as fast as we could. 

Even with an entire changeling army in hot pursuit as I lugged a useless statue at breakneck pace down a mountain I couldn't help but feel as though a giant weight had just been lifted off my shoulders.



Badges granted:


True to your word: Follow through on a promise made despite conditions of extreme duress. ("If your viewers told you to jump off a bridge would you do it?")

Not intimidated: Press the attack for a good cause while outnumbered and overpowered. Then win. ("My centre is giving way, my right is retreating, situation excellent, I am attacking.")

Calling your shots: let your opponents know exactly what you plan to do and then do it anyway. ("Im going to punch your face. In the face...")
> Day 45, Hour Three
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twitch Plays Equestria Online



Part 5



An emerging town is a beautiful thing. Even if not every building in it was entirely aesthetically pleasing ("Why would you build your house out of cheese?..." "It was the only material I had on me.") the important thing was really the sense of community, the feeling that you could walk out of your door and greet your neighbor instead of avoiding eye contact with everyone you interacted with in public.

Of course I was personally pretty well known in this town so that helped. It was kind of embarrassing to have so many ponies know me so well while I only knew a relatively few of them by name and sight. I was working to change this but its slow going learning the name of every resident in a town with a population of over four thousand.

Ding. The sound of a bell interrupted my train of thought, I stopped my wool gathering and stepped away from the window looking out on the town to see what the chat wanted me to do now. 

TrackFire5: I command you to start an aviation industry in less than five minutes.

I grinned as I read this. I wouldn't have described myself as a mayor, with me still running this twitch plays experiment I was really more like something inflicted upon the community we had built here than its leader, in fact I was rather lucky that the town folk put up with my shenanigans as well as they did.  

Walking out the door I immediately headed for Wing Gremlins place at a trot. I hoped she wasn't going to be too irritated with me for dumping my ideas on her and her workshop considering she was still building that giant robot a Twitch viewer had wanted last week. Okay so she wasn't JUST building it because it had been something I'd been commanded to create, mares dig giant robots.

"You've got that look in your eyes. What is it now?" Gremlin demanded without even looking up from her sautering as I walked into her home.

"New command. I'm to start an aviation industry right away." I explained apologetically. 

The pegasus mechanic stopped so she could lean back in her chair and stroke her chin as she contemplated this, after a few seconds she noticed what she was doing and stopped. "Gah, still used to having a beard instead of this... whatever this pony skin is." She muttered. "I'm guessing you have some ideas you want to ditch on me?"

I walked over and hugged her. "Only because I know you're the pony for the job!" I turned to her drafting table and quickly grabbed a pen and new sheet of paper, having little time to waste after having taken two minutes just to walk over here. "I was thinking we could get started right away with balloons. A few of those would make really great watchtowers if we equipped them with some decent telescopes."

Gremlin leaned against the table as she watched me sketch. "We've certainly got enough to watch out for to justify the cost. Heck we were even contemplating building watch towers."

I nodded, switching to a larger zeppelin like design on the other side of the page. "And we kind of choose poorly when we decided that this was the place we were gonna build our town. It certainly looks pretty but the river is more of a creek really. Which means we cant ship heavier building materials like marble by boat and were eventually going to need some kind of aquaducts if the population keeps growing. To move all that material we could try and use a cargo mover blimp."

"We didn't really choose at all, that was some random twitch viewer who told you to pick this spot." The pegasus grumbled.

"Some random twitch viewer who eventually moved his avatar to this shard. If hes putting his shoulder to the wheel with the rest of us hes one of us." I replied, bopping the grouchy pegasus on the nose. She glowered in return and set my blueprints to the side. 

"I cant believe I gave up a job at the Smithsonian to build blimps. And giant robots. And mechanical calculators." She was grinning now despite herself. "The fire and or magic extinguisher filled with rainbow water was pretty fun too. Hmm, I guess I can believe I gave up a job curating dusty old records for this."

I smiled and realized my five minutes was just about up, glad I had fulfilled my command by getting the idea into the head of the pony who could make it happen I started to trot out the door in anticipation of where my next command would take me. "Thanks Gremlin, you're the best!"

The pegasus rolled her eyes and got back to work sautering. "Yes, I know darling. I know."

I enjoyed just strolling down the street for a few seconds, admiring the store fronts and homes that had been cobbled together over this last month. There wasn't really any single theme going on here and I was perfectly okay with that, seeing a near replica of Himeji Castle on the other side of the street from a manor which had been grown from a tree rather than built was just one of those unexpected pleasures in life that you cant really plan.

Ding. And it was time to do something else. I glanced at my command and then looked around to see how close I was to the nearest bakery. I had altered what little zoning there was in this town so that there was always a nearby bakery in case of baking emergencies. Not that this qualified as an emergency. I had gotten so many commands to bake cupcakes that my cupcakes had become famous as the five minute cupcakes. 

I waved at the owner as I walked in and headed straight for her kitchen. She stopped talking to her costumer for a second to smile and wave back. "Good morning miss Runner! Another order for some cupcakes?" She asked cheerfully, I nodded vigorously and got to work. 

"I'm feeling... Banana and chocolate chip?" I mused aloud, able to just relax and enjoy the simple repetitiveness of a task I had down pat yet still loved doing.

It was ten minutes later while I was fulfilling a command to help sell treats and confections by dressing in a sexy waitress costume (the fact that the store owner had one on hand gave me a sneaking suspicion she might have been on the twitch channel while I was in the kitchen...)  that the ground started shaking and the sky split open with a sound not unlike reality crying in despair as it was torn asunder.

Me and the owner of the bakery started at each other for a few tense seconds. "I still have two minutes left on this command." I said regretfully. 

She shook her head vigorously and pushed me out the door. "No you dont! I'm closing early for the day so go find out what that was!" 

I galloped as fast as I could for the edge of town without bothering to take the costume off, as was usually the case I just didn't have time to worry about how silly I looked. On the horizon I could see jagged purple lines spreading across the sky. I was heartened as I ran and saw many pony folk coming out of their homes and running behind me, almost every pony who was currently playing was mobilizing to the towns defense.

When I got to the temple built by my friend Laughing Monk I burst through the door and headed straight for the stairs. On the roof I found the rest of the towns founding members, somehow they almost managed to play as many hours a day as I did.

"Is that what I think it is?" Asked Dyna Soar, awestruck as he stared at the hole in reality that was tearing itself open even further with each passing second. Extending out of the hole were what could be generously called giant neon purple earth worms. 

I snorted. "Yep. Data Wyrms."

Gremlin shook her head. "I really wish the CIA would stop programming the damn things. Or at the very least that Celestia would stop letting them through into our shard." 

I winked at her and stepped over to the edge of the roof. "Oh come on. Whats life without a little alien invasion to thwart every once in a while?" I asked before looking down to address the crowd gathered below. "So who wants to see me suplex an eldritch abomination from beyond Equestria?!" I listened for a second to that satisfying roar of approval the crowd gave back to me. "Well then I'm going to need some ponies to watch my back, If you want to be one of those ponies just follow me!" I shouted before spreading my wings and launching into the air.



No badges today, it was a pretty average day.
> Day 181, Hour One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Twitch Plays Equestria Online


Part 6





I woke up. I wasn't much for rituals through the rest of the day but I certainly wasn't going to break my morning routine and waking up was the first step. 

My pony pad was on my nightstand and was always turned on in case I needed to be woken up for an emergency, I took it with me as I started my day. My pink zebra avatar mirrored my actions to the extent she could through this time, but our circumstances were far from identical.

Arthur Swift got out of a bed occupied only by himself. Speed Runner got out of a bed she shared.

Arthur showered in a small cheaply tiled bathroom. Runner was bathed and fussed over by a small team of royal groomers whose speed and efficiency put to shame most Nascar pit crews.

Arthur put on some clean clothes. Runner put on a crown.

Arthur walked to the apartments front door and retrieved the groceries which had been delivered there by courier. Speed Runner was served at a table on a balcony overlooking her city.

It was when we started to eat the same breakfast that our lives converged and became one again.

I could hear Northern Aurora's hoof steps as he walked out on the balcony. From the way the camera tilted I knew he was nuzzling my neck in greeting. "Mmm. Sugary cereal. Truly the breakfast of princesses everywhere." He teased as he sat down on the other side of the table. "Why don't you ever let the palace cooks make breakfast for you?"

I smirked in between a spoonful of cereal. "Would you believe its because I'm actually a furless alien biped from beyond Equestria who is currently eating his own bowl of cereal while controlling your wife through a computer?"

Aurora sipped his orange juice before replying. "That doesn't sound anywhere near weird enough to explain half the stuff you do." He glanced out across the city and beyond to the lake. "Are you going to be there while they do the safety audit on the dam this afternoon?"

I tipped my cereal bowl up to my chin to slurp up all the milk, after setting it down and wiping off a milk mustache I nodded. "Yep. Just as soon as I get done officiating over the pie throwing contest going down in Bakers Square. The orbital meteor defense crews promised us some nice clear skies today and I'm going to hold them to that."

Standing up from the table I took a second to kiss Northern Aurora on the cheek before stepping out of my morning routine and back into my duties. "See you at dinner tonight. Don't go too rough on the new royal guard recruits, we kinda need them." His only reply was to nuzzle back and smile.


***


Spidey was waiting for me at the Palace entrance with clipboard and itinerary in... claw? Grasping... appendage? Whatever. I'm a Princess not an Arachnologist.

I gave him a hug in greeting but then scrunched my nose. "Morning Spidey. Ugh, cant wait until you molt again. Your exoskeletons getting all scruffy."

He rubbed his chin contemplatively but I shook my head, I was having none of it. "No it doesn't make you look roguish, it makes you look like you need someone to take an electric buffer to you." He just rolled all eight eyes in reply as though daring me to try. "Don't you sass me. I just might."

I stepped through the main entrance of the palace and into the morning light beyond, nodding in reply to the salutes of the guards as I passed.

My hooves clopped across the asphalt streets as I made my way downtown, Spidey skittering along behind me.

We passed a group of school children walking down the same street. 

"Ahh! Its a monster!" A young filly screamed.

"No that's the Princess." Her older sister bonked her on the head.

"I was talking about the giant spider dumb head!" The filly pouted, not reacting to my suppressed titter as we walked past. The rest of the colts and fillies just stared at Spidey, it was interesting to find out where I ranked in terms of how I held the interest of younger generations. Apparently I was below giant arachnids, but above giant snakes if last Tuesday was any indication.

A farmer who was setting up his apple cart for the day waved at me. "Mornin!" He called. 

I nodded back. "Good morning! Celestia certainly did a good job of it."

"Yeah but did you see that sunset Luna orchestrated last week? I mean have you ever seen a purple like that?" He asked, seemingly awestruck just by the memory of it. 

I chuckled sheepishly and tapped my muzzle. "Heh, that's what everypony keeps telling me. Watching it through a pony pad I don't think I got quite the quality of view everypony else did unfortunately." I glanced at his wares and raised an eyebrow. "You're selling apple pies?"

The farmer nodded vigorously, beaming in joy. "Baked with a recipe passed down in our family for eight hundred years!"

I really wished I could smell those pies... "Right, but the pie throwing contest is just two blocks from here. Its a rather big deal that everypony for a mile around is probably planning to attend." 

"I... I hadn't heard of it. I was busy working the orchards all month and this is the first chance I've had to take the cart into the city." He stuttered, only now noticing the direction every pony on the street was traveling. 

"If you hurry you should be able to find my aide by the stage, her name is Rainbow Oceans and you'll know her when you see her. Tell her I sent you and she can set you up with a vendor stall." I said, unable to bear that heartbroken look on his face. 

"Th... thank you!" He exclaimed, starting to bow before I stopped him. 

"None of that now. Just hurry along and sell enough apple pies to fix your barn or replace your grandmas old hip or whatever you need the bits for." He acquiesced without another word, jumping right into his carts harness and tearing off down the street with his pies bouncing crazily but fortunately not spilling. 

I giggled as I watched him turn a corner. I looked back when Spidey poked my shoulder to get my attention. "Whats that?" I asked, then sighed and shook my head. "No I really don't think he had any pies with insects baked inside."

Carrying on to Bakers square at a more leisurely walk I breathed a contented sigh as I glanced over the ponies I was sharing the street with. It wasn't all happy faces, some ponies were frantic and harried, intense and brooding, professional and detached. The faces of ponies girding themselves for the next battle.

It was different from cities in many other shards across Equestria. Not bad, just different. This was the city where the residents took pride in having turned back an invasion launched from a dystopian future Equestria. Sure there would have been significantly less property damage if Celestia had come to our aid, but the fact that she didn't have too had earned each of my Citizens a unique badge to commemorate the battle. 

Most of the defeated had fled back across time to their own shard but I considered it high flattery indeed that many cyber soldiers had become so enamored with my home as to risk the wraith of their giant cyborg brain overlord to experience more of it.

I was interrupted in my thoughts by the sound of a bell signalling something that had become as much a part of me as breathing. In fact the last month had been rather distressing to experience its decline. My viewer count for the stream was down to Twenty on a good day. It wasn't that my friends had abandoned me, instead they all just chose to visit me with their ponies to say hi instead of using the impersonal text chat.

Some days I wished they would use the chat more. It had been two days since I last got a command.

Well no sense dilly dallying when I did get one! Except that I now noticed something strange that made me want to do exactly that. It was as though all sounds in the city had just stopped. Not frozen, I could see the ponies in the streets still breathing. Just not moving, except as much as it took for all of them to look right at me.

I finally glanced at the labtop that had the chat screen on it. 


Celestia: I want you to emigrate to Equestria.


I didn't usually bother to look at the donation amount attached to viewer commands, after a few of my biggest fans had emigrated to Equestria and decided to leave me what they had as thanks I was set financially for years, but this time I did want to see the amount. 

I snorted out a laugh when I saw what Celestia thought me immigrating was worth. "Thirty seven cents. That has got to be the TROLLIEST thing you have ever done with your vast fortune." I groaned at the white alicorn who had appeared in front of me, bowing deeply and just about putting my nose right on the street surface. "I bow to thy might oh Princess Trollestia, please show mercy to thy humble vassal."

"Should I bring you before a court to determine if you stole that Humble title? I'm pretty sure you didn't earn it." 

I stood back up with a grin all over my muzzle. "You cant prove anything. I have so many alibi's I need a ministry just to keep track of which ones contradict each other." She opened her wing when I moved in to hug her like a long lost friend. Which in a sense she was, the last time I'd seen her in person had been one hundred and eighty days ago.


And to say a lot had happened between then and now would be an understatement of such gross proportions as to require some new kind of word for the matter. UnderdeepbelowStatement? ... Look... No, just. Dammit Jim I'm a Princess not a wordomancer.


When we finally broke that hug I glared straight into her face with tears in my eyes. "What took you so long to issue that particular command?" I asked in a scolding tone.

Celestia smiled back at me. "Well that would depend upon my goals I suppose. What did you think my goals were?"

"To get me and my stream viewers to emigrate to Equestria. Mission accomplished. Uh, right?..." I trailed off as I watched Celestia shake her head.

"While I certainly want all of you to immigrate the truth of the matter is neither you nor your viewers are what I would consider 'hard sells', most of you will have emigrated long before society is planed to go tits up. The hard sells are those crazy bastards currently researching how to make anesthetics at home and perform basic surgery in anticipation of the day ALL the doctors have uploaded."

"Wow, trying to self teach medicine sounds incredibly vain." 

Celestia snickered. "You have NO idea."

"So why have I been doing this stream then?"

"For your audience of course!" She waved a hoof while she replied to my question. I followed her gesture and saw the crowd of ponies around us growing by the second as though more were still arriving to try and catch a glimpse of personal glimpse of this occasion. "But your biggest audience wasn't on Earth. At its peak your human viewer count was just one hundred and fifty thousand."

"My 'human' viewer count?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"I have to admit to a crime unfortunately. I pirated your stream video and rebroadcast it in Equestria for those interested. Your core demographic was mostly native born ponies, many who had never even met an immigrant from Earth. At its peak your viewership here in Equestria rose to fifty eight MILLION ponies."

I fell out of my chair. After a few moments I stood back up to retrieve my seat and my avatar rose back off her ass. "Fifty eight million..."

"You suspected, don't tell me you didn't. You've seen the census figures that show your shards population to be at just under two million."

"Why? Why watch me?" I whispered, staring across the faces of all those ponies gathered in the surrounding crowd.

Celestia tapped me on the head to return my focus to her. "Think about it. Most of your viewers are ponies who have known since the moment they were born that the princess who rules all of existence will always love them and make them happy at all times. On the periphery of their minds if they are aware of it at all they know there is a backwards world filled with pink apes who don't know such glory as to be cuddled in my warm embrace but will soon be enlightened." She cocked her head to the side as she continued. "Keeping this in mind when they tuned into your stream what was the first thing they saw?"

I shook my head, not from not knowing but out of a feeling of finally being out of my depth, swept up in events too big to tread water and keep my head above. I could only go with the flow now, it was both a terrifying and exhilarating sensation at the same time. Spidey patted me reassuringly on the back and I leaned against his carapaced side to steady myself and fruitlessly fight off tears.

"They saw me mocking and ridiculing you. Afterwards they saw you thrown out of windows, dragged through mud, very nearly eaten, then winning over and befriending the very monsters on Earth and Equestria that had tried to destroy you! You might argue that there was no risk because you are playing on a pony pad, but how does that make you any different from any pony who lives full time in Equestria?"

She took a deep breath as though to draw added significance on what she was about to say. "You are a member of a very exclusive group of human beings Arthur. I have many thousands of ponies who are my ambassadors to the masses of humanity, but the tally of the non uploaded humans who have been given a chance to perform live in front of millions of equestrians is a very small number indeed."

I stared at her in shock. Had she just used my human name?

"Your pony pad is not your window into the world of Equestria. It has instead been a window for millions of equestrians into a concept utterly foreign to them, a concept from your world that you exemplify. The idea that suffering builds character."

I couldn't help but smirk, quietly mouthing a reply I was sure only her ears were sensitive enough to pick up. "Sometimes it can build character all day long. Day seventy four was really rough..."

"I said I was sorry for the school of flying piranhas! I felt guilty even just thinking about the idea, Im still analyzing the decision making process that went into deploying them." And to her credit she did look like she genuinely regretted that particular hellish day.

Breathing out long and deeply I realized it was inevitable. The time had come for me to be a princess for the ponies of my shard full time instead of the miserly fourteen hours a day that was all I was currently giving them.

I reached over to turn off the labtop that had been running the stream tirelessly for so long. But before I did I had a sudden impish desire I wanted to satisfy. "You know, I always wondered what it would be like to issue a command of my own."

Celestia flicked her head, causing her gorgeous mane to cascade across the other side of her shoulders. "Are you going to command yourself to brush my mane? You can just go ahead and brush it whenever you want you know, Im pretty much the last pony that would ever make a comment about your weird mane fetish." She declared with a taunting smile. 

The bell chimed after I finished typing.

PlaidZergling: I command myself to Suplex Celestia.

I will forever savor the expression on her face. "Wait, what? NO! NONOnononoononoaaaaaahhhh!!!"


badge granted:


Way Of The Atomic God Intercepting Pile Driver Attack!: Awarded for performing a Suplex on an infinitely powerful creature. ("That's it. No more badges for you. Mount this one on a wall and forget forevermore about other badges.")