My Little Attorney

by CroakerGamer

First published 15th of February, 2015

Star Dice, a new law pony, is recruited by Princess Celestia to become the defense attorney for Princess Twilight Sparkle's trial.

Stare Decisis: "Let the decision stand." At least, that's his full name. Star Dice is his nickname. He's a young, inexperienced, fresh-out-of-college lawyer who is suddenly called off to Canterlot by Princess Celestia to represent Princess Twilight in a murder trial. She is believed to have killed Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. Can Star Dice get a not guilty verdict on his first trial, or will his inexperience prove to be his ultimate downfall?

Royal Family Trial

My full name is Stare Decisis. It means, “Let the decision stand.” In the judicial system, it refers to a retrial or similar trial not even getting to be heard and receives the same verdict that the previous case received. Stare Decisis didn’t really catch on though, so ponies just call me Star Dice. I just graduated from law school two months ago, so I’m a rookie. A newbie. I earned a job at Writ Habeas Law Firm, a small business that doesn’t get too much attention or work. That is, until Princess Celestia wrote a letter to my boss. So I ask you, how in Sweet Filly Celestia’s name did I get in charge of such a high ranking case!

The Princess requested that I come to Canterlot and act as a Defense Attorney in a court case. The letter was very vague, but work is work I guess. Before I knew it, I had packed my things and was on the next train to Canterlot.

When I arrived at the train station, guards greeted me and escorted me to the Canterlot Castle to meet with the Princesses, Celestia and Luna. My mind was a whirlwind of questions as we trotted to the castle. My body was on autopilot, following the guards towards my first trial. You could say I was a bit Star Struck, no pun intended…

What in Equestria caused Princess Celestia to request a lawyer? Why had she picked me? Was she my client? What accusations were being charged? Only time held the answers.

We traveled through the castle until we came to some big doors. The guards pushed to doors open to a throne room. As I walked in I observed my surroundings. Princess Celestia sat with Princess Luna by her side. There were two other seats that were empty. For some reason that struck me as odd. The Princesses’ faces seemed stern, almost cross, as if I had angered them. I bowed quickly, thinking that was the cause of their fury. As I lifted my head, I found that I was not the subject of their rage.

“You must be Star Dice,” Princess Celestia addressed me. “I’m so glad you could make it here in such a short time. And on short notice. You have my thanks.”

I couldn’t help but feel flattered. It wasn’t every day a Princess gave you a compliment. I blushed and managed a laugh and stammered, “N-No problem.”

Princess Celestia laughed at my reaction. “I assume you are ready for your assignment now. Am I correct?”

I blushed even harder, this time for ignorance. I looked down at the floor and admitted, “I-I don’t really know anything about the trial.”

As my eyes raised back towards the princesses, I noticed their faces weren’t angry, but sad. They were desperate for a Defense Attorney. I was chosen by them, I couldn’t reject any cry for help, no matter how big or small. “But I’m willing to give it my best shot,” I finally admitted. They seemed pleased with my answer.

“Good. I’m glad you have accepted.” Princess Celestia’s face seemed hopeful for a few moments. However, her look turned dark quickly, probably due to the fact that she must tell me my duties for this case and the cause of the trial. She took a deep breath and started the explanation.

“Yesterday, two murders took place in the castle.”

Okay, hold on. What?! My first trial is a murder case?! My heart sank. No, wait. It disappeared. My heart left my body along with my confidence. I waited for the explanation to get better.

“One victim was the head of the Royal Guards in the Crystal Empire, Shining Armor. The other was Princess Cadence.” She paused. A long silence filled the room.

I couldn’t breathe. My lungs must have left, too. A murder trial of… an alicorn princess and her husband! Well, couldn’t get any worse, right?

The Princess took another breath. “The murderer was apprehended, Princess Twilight Sparkle.” This sentence choked up Princess Celestia. Tears formed in her eyes. She turned to Princess Luna for assistance.

Buck me. That explains the empty seats. They were for Princess Cadence and Twilight. I couldn’t ask any questions yet, but I wish I could. Just sit through the rest of the information then explode with questions, Star.

Princess Luna continued the story. “The crime scene is located in the bathroom of the castle. We don’t have much information, and we apologize, but even Princesses aren’t allowed on the scene of the crime. We do know, however, that Twilight has admitted to both murders.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My first case, the murder of a princess and the highest ranking guard, killed by another princess?! And she’s admitting to the crime… How am I supposed to get a not guilty verdict on this one? The princesses couldn’t even answer my questions. They knew nothing about this case. But if the princesses think I should be her attorney, then I guess first thing’s first. Question my client.

I tried to speak to Princess Luna, but words couldn’t come out at first. I closed my mouth and tried again, “Princess Luna, can I have directions to the Detention Center in Canterlot? I need to speak with Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

“I will escort you myself.” Princess Luna stood up and trotted with me toward the doors.

“Star, before you go,” Princess Celestia stopped us, “know this. I believe there is more to this case than what Twilight will want you to believe. I can give you the privilege to investigate the crime scene, since you are a law pony. Please, find the truth and execute a fair trial tomorrow.”

My eyes lit up. I only had a day to investigate! And it was already one in the afternoon!

“Come, Star. Let’s go met your client,” Princess Luna encouraged. “Time is not on your side.”

I followed Princess Luna to the Detention Center. She walked with a brisk pace, showing she was very much aware of my time crunch. Guards brought up the rear for protection. For some reason, I felt they weren’t just guarding the princess. It felt like I was the one who needed protecting.

“You’re on the outside now, Star.” Princess Luna admitted, almost reading my mind. “I was once in the same position. No one agreeing with my decision. The minority, if you will. However, this time it’s about you. We’ll be here for your protection, nothing more”.

I replied, “Thank you,” as we reached our destination. Were ponies so judgmental and set on the fact that Princess Twilight was the murderer? Or was it that I’d be wasting every pony’s time trying to prove her not guilty?

As the princess opened the door she said, “Good Luck,” and took off back in the direction of the castle.

I asked a mare at the front desk to see Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Her response was, “She won’t be for long.”

“Pardon?” I asked.

“A princess, darling. Don’t tell me you’re her lawyer. Dear Celestia, I would NOT want to be in your horseshoes,” she said. She spoke to one of the guards behind her to place Twilight in Communication Room 1. “Hear that?” She addressed me again. “Room 1, first door on your right.”

As I trotted to the room she yelled, “And hey, do use all a favor and lose that trial. Everypony knows she’s done it.” I just kept on trotting.

Communication Room 1, huh? Must not have many criminals in Canterlot, or at least ones that need to be seen at this time. The room was somewhat crude. A glass window separating the accused from the lawyer. There was even a slotted portion of the wall so sound could carry through, and a camera on either end of the glass. A guard brought in a very distraught Princess Twilight Sparkle and sat her down in front of me. He stayed next to the door while we spoke, probably to help out if she started acting up.

My nerves got the better of me. Sitting in front of me was an alicorn princess and a possible murderer. And I was her lawyer. No pony said anything for the longest time. She looked down at the ground, a true sign of guilt.

I started, “P-Princess Twili-”

“Don’t call me that! I can’t be a princess if I killed my own brother!” She shouted. This outburst caused the guard to stiffen and be prepared for anything.

“Umm, okay. Sorry, uh, Twilight, Ms. Sparkle, I mean.” She calmed down and resumed her staring at the floor. “If you haven’t guess,” I continued, “I’m your lawyer. Princess Celestia sent me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Please, just get out of here.” She replied.

“Why would I do that?” I asked. I knew the answer. Princess Luna told me she confessed. Twilight knew if I tried to defend her it would ruin my reputation as a lawyer. Then again, what reputation did I have? This was my first case!

Continuing to look down, she replied, “Because I did it. I killed Shining.” She isn’t looking at me straight in the eyes, a key sign that she’s lying.

“Ok, now look me in the eyes and say that.”

“Are you ordering me around? I’ll have you know I’m still a princess. You can’t tell me to do anything.”

Gees. She just relinquished her status as a princess a few seconds but still wants to be treated like one? I guess I should watch what I say anyway. I am still talking to royalty. “S-Sorry. Now, can you tell me what happened that night?”

“I told you, I killed him! What else could you need! You’re going to lose this case. Just get out of here while you can.”

This is getting me nowhere. If she’s not going to tell me what’s happened, I’ll just have to investigate myself.

As I got up to leave she mockingly said, “Good, run away.”

“Don’t worry, Princess,” I replied with a sense of rebellion. “We’ll met again.”

The crime scene was an organized mess. Only a few guards remained. Time was running out and their conclusions were already concocted. As I passed the “POLICE: DO NOT CROSS” tape, the biggest guard yelled at me, “Stop, who do ya’ think you are!” He was one of Princess Luna’s Royal Guards. In fact, he was the only bat-pony there.

“I’m here on duty,” I replied. “Princess Celestia said I could investigate here.”

“Hold up. You’re th’ one who’s defendin’ Twilight Sparkle? Ha! Yeah, good luck, pal! I should have ya’ know we wiped the place clean. No more evidence to find. Looks like that’s another leg up th’ prosecutor’s got on ya’!”

So, they aren’t going to share any information about the evidence found today, huh? We’ll see about that. “Prosecutor? Who are you talking about?”

The guard laughed, “Ya’ don’t know? Wow, you really are gunna lose. His names Moe, Moe Dirt.”

“That’s a strange name.”

“Yeah, they say it’s ‘cause he digs up all th’ dirt of th’ accused and then some more. That‘s why he hasn‘t lost a case. Ever.”

Hasn‘t lost a case, yet. “What kind of dirt does he get?”

“Tch, only the best. He doesn’t pick any small-time evidence, like th’ armor over there. No, he picks the best of the best. He makes his point up front. Cases are over in record time. He said, ‘All I need’s this sword.’ That‘s confidence.”

Or ignorance. So the armor was overlooked? I better keep that as evidence when they leave. Maybe take a picture, too. That armor is kind of far off, in the corner of the room. But, I should see if I can get any more information. “Any other dirt that Moe dug up?”

“Huh? Hey pal! I’m not supposed to tell ya’ what he’s got, ‘kay.”

I got a bit cocky, “But you just told me about this overlooked evidence AND the murder weapon.”

The bat pony guard’s face erupted in a red glow. He grit his teeth and charged at me, pinning me against the wall. Immediately, the wind was knocked out of me and I had a struggle to breathe. The sound had made a loud thud that caught the attention of the other guards that were left.

“Listen here, kid. Th’ princess is guilty. Guilty! If ya’ show up to court tomorrow, I’ll hit ya’ for real. Ya’ got me?” The guards pulled him off me and dragged him out of the room. The guard screamed as he was pulled away from the crime scene, “The name’s Detective Blackjack, kid! Remember it! Ya’ gunna have nightmare’s ‘bout it!”

Great. I’m getting threats from the detective himself. I’ll probably have to cross-examine him about the murder weapon first thing tomorrow.

I had to take a few moments to regain normal breathing. I had to admit, he clobbered the hay out of me. But, I WAS left by myself after that. I looked around for some more evidence when I came across the white chalk lines of the deceased. Two ponies had been killed here. With that thought, a chill ran down my spine. Eerie. I took a photo of the rooms layout, making sure the armor was in frame. Lastly, I placed the armor in a bag, making sure not to get my hoof prints on it. This could be vital evidence in court.

I looked closer at the chalk areas of the bodies. One was in the bath tub while the other was a few feet from the tub. A considerable amount of blood was in the tub, around the rim, and inside the chalk lines away from the tub.

Well, there is nothing else I can do here. And visiting hours closed a long time ago at the Detention Center. I guess all I can do know is get a good night’s rest for tomorrow’s trial.

Before I hit the hay, I thought about the detective. Everypony says first impressions are extremely important. But, after what Detective Blackjack had done, I wouldn’t be surprised if we never were able to cooperate. All I could do now was hope I didn’t have nightmares.

The next morning I woke up early and trotted to the court house. I thought I could talk to the princesses before the trial started, but the only one there was Twilight.

“Morning, Princess Twilight. Are you ready for today’s trial?”

“I told you to abandon me, didn’t I? Why won’t you let me remain guilty?!”

“To be honest, Princess Celestia believes there is more to this court case than what you’ve told us.” Twilight’s face lit up, as if she had been found out. “And I believe she’s right. Now, if you don’t mind sharing your motive…”

Twilight looked down at the floor, “I’m not telling you anything. Leave me alone.”

“Alright. But, you know, you don’t need me to lose your trial to get a guilty verdict. You can refuse the presence of a lawyer and allow the prosecutor to rip apart the case for what he believes is right.” Twilight’s disappointment seemed to remain the same.

“But you already knew that. Deep down, you want a not guilty verdict. You don’t have to tell me.”

The bailiff entered the waiting room and announced that we should take our spots. The trial was ready to start.

Twilight gave one last glance to me and whispered, “Good luck, Star.”

In the court room, there were two identical wooden bleachers on either side of the room for the audience to sit in. The defense and the prosecution were given a desk in front of the separate bleachers. The audience members seemed to be sitting more on the prosecutor’s bleacher instead of mine. In fact, no one was sitting in the defenses bleachers. What was this?! Some sort of trivial high school hoof ball game to them? Hmmp. Well, I would cheer for the underdog at least.

As you enter, the judge’s chair is elevated at the end of the room. In the judge’s chair sat and old stallion with a long gray beard and little gray strands of hair combed over his scalp. As for the prosecutor, he was a pudgy colt. He had a dark brown coat and an even darker mane. Looking closer at his desk, I realized he had had to wedge himself between the wall behind him and his desk. I almost laughed at the sight of his fat rolls laying on his desk. I, on the other hoof, had no problems with room at my desk. He must have been really obese.

The judge cleared his voice and slammed his gavel to get the audience’s attention.

“Court is now in session!” He boomed. “Mr. Dice, since this is your first trial, I find that I must test you on the material of this court.”

“Yes, Your Honor. Ask any question.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Dice. These questions will not take long. In fact, they are quite easy in my opinion.” He asked simple questions: who I was representing, what she was charged with, etc. But then he asked a question that I couldn’t answer. “What is the penalty if Ms. Sparkle receives a Guilty verdict?”

“I-I don’t know, Your Honor.”

The judge glared at me, “Death, Mr. Dice. She will receive the death penalty.”

I turned my head to Twilight. Her face was just as shocked as mine. This must have been news to her, too. “I understand, Your Honor.”

“Good. Now, is the defense ready?”

Here we go, Star. No turning back. “The defense is ready, Your Honor.”

“And is the prosecution ready?”

“Born ready, Your Honor,” the prosecutor replied. “But first, Mr. Dice. We have not been properly acquainted. I am Moe Dirt. Please, do not prolong the trail to extend the time limit another day. I wish to be done with it today. I believe you will agree with me, Your Honor?”

The judge nodded. “Yes, this does seem like a quick case. But, the defense shall not be rushed, Mr. Dirt. Do not think you are in a position to do so. Now please, give your opening remarks, Mr. Dirt.”

“My apologizes, Your Honor. We will have a fair trial today. And I‘ll keep the pace slow for Mr. Dice over there,” Mr. Dirt said with a smirk. He cleared his throat and began the opening remarks.

“Today, we are here because Ms. Sparkle has committed two acts of murder. The victims include Princess Cadence and her husband, Shining Armor. She was able to slay both with a sword while both were vulnerable in the Cantorlot Bathroom. Her motive of attack was self-pity and jealousy. You see, Ms. Sparkle’s love life has not gone so well recently. A guard by the name of Flash Sentry has been a bit cold to her. This guard is considered to be the only relationship Ms. Sparkle has at the moment. After seeing the love her brother and her sister-in-law were able to have, she became furious and asked Princess Cadence to use a love spell to help her relationship. When the princess refused, she decided to wait until she was most vulnerable, when she was in the bathroom, killed her. To leave no witnesses, she had to kill her only brother, too. After her crime, guards were able to trap her in the bathroom and she was apprehended. Three prepared witnesses will be called today, if necessary, to prove Ms. Sparkle’s guilt. If I may call the first, Your Honor?”

“Yes, yes. Send in the detective.”

The motive was the denial of a love spell to enhance her love with Flash Sentry. I don’t buy that for a second.

A black bat-pony strolled up to the stand: Blackjack. Moe Dirt continued with the required formalities.

“Witness, please state your name and occupation.”

“Detective Blackjack. I’m in charge of th’ homicide and suicide investigation team in Canterlot.” His glance drifted towards me. He quickly glared and puffed his wings up. “Whas wit’ th’ stubborn colt over there! I told ya’ to not show ya’ face, pal. Now ya’ gunna get it.”

The loud bang of the judge’s gavel rang throughout the court room. “Silence, detective, or I will fine you in competent of court!”

Blackjack calmed himself down, lowered his wings, and apologized.

Moe Dirt started the trial up again. “Detective, please testify to the court about your investigation of the murders.”

“Well, to start, th’ murder weapon, th’ sword, belonged to Shining Armor. There’s also hoof prints on the blade. Shining Armor’s and Twilight’s. Also, we conducted a magic residue test of th’ item. For all of ya’ who don’t know, magic residue is th’ stuff that is left behind on all objects a levitation spell is used.”

Wow, this is a thorough testimony for a bulky blockhead to spit out. Moe Dirt must have pre-written it for Detective Blackjack.

Blackjack continued. “Th’ results came back with only Shining Armor’s magic on it. On top of th’ incriminating evidence, we’ve gotta guard who can testify to seeing Ms. Sparkle walking in th’ direction of the bathroom right before the murder and another guard, th’ one who captured Ms. Sparkle. He can also prove her guilt.”

“Is that all, Detective?” The judge asked.

He answered, “Eeyup,” then directed a comment towards me, “Good luck finding holes in th’ testimony, pal.”

“Yes,” the judge agreed, “Mr. Dice, please commence with the cross-examination.

“Yes, Your Honor.” I don’t see any obvious contradictions, but the motive is new to me and seems very sketchy. There must be something there. I also can’t forget the new evidence that was presented to me. I just need to grab more information about the case from our ‘friend’ here.

Here goings a hunch! “Detective Blackjack…”

“Whacha want!? Don’t waste my time!”

“R-right.” I can’t just guess or be reckless with objecting. But I really think the weapon is important. “Repeat back to me what was said about the weapon.”

Blackjack grumbled, “Th’ murder weapon, th’ sword. It belonged to Shining Armor…”

“Hold it!” I yelled.

“Mr. Dice, yelling is not necessary,” The judge scolded. “But if it is how you carry out your cross-examination, I see no reason to stop you. It was quite thrilling, yet humorous.” He finished his advice with an insulting chuckle.

“Right… anyway, if the weapon belonged to Shining Armor, how did Twilight get it?”

“Pssh, I dunno.”

“Why didn’t you search for this answer, the murder weapon is the only evidence you had to investigate!”

“Objection!” Moe Dirt broke in. “What’s done is done and what isn’t, cannot be changed. Please continue with the cross-examination.”

I couldn’t let this momentum get away! “Objection! The murder weapon is of utmost importance to this case. Do not take its origin lightly. I can prove Twilight had no motive to murder with this.” I raised the pile of armor over my head.

The judge was the first to ask, “You’re going to prove her innocence with your dirty laundry, Mr. Dice?”

“What? No. This is Shining Armor’s armor. It was found in the bathroom where the murder took place.”

Moe Dirt questioned me next. “What relevance does this have to the murder?“ It was like the whole room was against me. Probably because it was.

“I’d like to show a piece of the armor to you all. The sword sheath. Location of the murder weapon.”

Moe Dirt turned as pale as can be. He knew where this was going.

“The victim, Shining Armor was in the shower when the death occur, as seen in the autopsy. At this point, the victim had taken off his armor. Only then was the sword away from him.”

“I’m sorry. I still don’t follow, Mr. Star,” the judge said.

“Your honor, this means that the murder weapon in question was not with Ms. Sparkle before she entered the bathroom to murder. This proves premeditated murder is not a plausible motive for this case! Ms. Sparkle had no intention to kill anyone before entering the bathroom! I suggest the prosecution revise their motive to continue the trial.”

The court room went silent. I couldn’t tell if it was a good thing, or a bad thing.

“Very good, Mr. Star,” Moe Dirt admitted. However, he had the biggest grin on his face. “You should know, however, that Ms. Sparkle was not planning murder, but was sent over the edge by some disturbing news.”

A chill went down my spine. Had he already decided on a new motive to pursue so quickly? “What are you talking about?”

“Her loneliness, her depression, her jealousy of the couple, drove her over the edge after Princess Cadence and Shining Armor informed Ms. Sparkle that they were due to become a royal family.”

The room was dead silent, no pun intended. Moe Dirt pulled out some papers in his bag.

“Here is confirmation that Princess Cadence was pregnant: the pregnancy tests themselves. I move to add the murder of this unborn filly to the charges held against Ms. Sparkle. I also submit the tests as evidence to the court.”

No pony said anything. Collectively, every pony in the room had their mouths wide open in disbelief. However, I noticed Twilight’s expression was lacking. Don’t tell me she knew. This could incriminated her even further! But Moe Dirt… he knew about this from the very beginning. He was just going to let this slide and try to win without it. What else is he hiding?

The judge was the earliest to react. “I-I guess… I mean, yes. The murder that has come to light will now be added. Mr. Dice, do you have any further questions?”

I snapped out of my shocked state to answer, “Y-yes, Your Honor. About the guard who witnessed Ms. Sparkle before the murder. I’d like to hear his testimony.”

“Objection!”

No way, after that little performance you’re still going to object?!

Moe Dirt explained, “We know what happened before the murder. You already proved the sword was not with her before she entered the bathroom. What else could the guard testify to?”

“Objection! It was a theory. An eye witness can confirm my suspicions. Your Honor, please allow the guard to testify.”

“Overruled.”

What?!

The judge explained, “Your theory is sound, Mr. Dice. If you have no more questions, I’m ready to cast my judgment.”

“Wait, Your Honor. We haven’t heard from the guard who witnessed the aftermath!” Don’t you dare object, Moe Dirt!

“You are correct. However, what could he possibly provide that could curb my opinion?”

“He holds information about how the scene of the crime look. Without all of the information possible, you cannot give an accurate verdict.”

The judge took some time to think, “If you insist, Mr. Dice, send in the next witness.”

That was close. This is the last witness prepared: my last chance. I can’t screw this up.

A Royal Guard took the stand. Nothing unusual about him, really. Just a normal guard in guard garb.

“Name and occupation, soldier,” Moe Dirt asked.

“I’d like to keep my name secret as to not ruin my reputation as a Royal Guard, sir.”

The judge allowed the request. “Please testify to the scene you stumbled upon the night of the murder.”

“Well, first I heard a feminine screen, probably Princess Cadence. I ran to the source, the bathroom. I was hesitant to enter, because, well, you know, I didn’t really know if I had permission to enter. When I worked up enough courage I broke down the door and Princess Cadence was dead on the floor near the shower, Shiny Armor was slumped over the edge of the tub, and Ms. Sparkle, she was holding his sword!”

The judge spoke up. “Sounds pretty incriminating to me, but if the defense finds it necessary to cross-examine, go for it.”

I answered, “The defense will cross-examine the witness, Your Honor.” But on what? I better try to clarify some of the questionable facts here.

“Witness, you stated you heard a scream, probably Princess Cadence. How could you tell it was her screaming?”

“Well, it was definitely feminine. I wouldn’t know who else would have screamed with a feminine voice. I doubt the murderer would scream.”

“We can’t be sure if Ms. Sparkle or Princess Cadence screamed then. Do not assume, witness.”

He brushed the warning aside, “Pfft, doesn’t really matter, now does it? Can’t you object or something Mr. Dirt?”

“I don’t know,” Moe Dirt replied, “It’s fun to watch a puppy chase its tail.” Great, insulting me further. Better just keep pressing the witness.

“You were hesitant to enter the bathroom. How long were you standing there?”

“Only a few minutes, why?”

This is going to be cruel, but I have to crack his high-and-mighty attitude. “Witness! If you had not delayed, the murder may not have even occurred! Why did you not act sooner?”

“Shut up!” the guard yelled, tears started flowing from his eyes. “You don’t think I know that? That it’s my fault they are dead! The guilt has killed me. I’ve gotten no sleep! That’s why I’m here, to make sure someone never does this again. To make sure the defendant is dealt with! That she pays!”

“Objection!” Moe Dirt but in. “We aren’t playing the blame game here, Mr. Dice. We are in court. I suggest you act like it.”

Another statement I have no say over. This is really bad. I’ve got one more question in me, but I need more information. “Witness, you stated the locations of the dead bodies, but you never said how you knew they were dead.”

“Isn’t it obvious? The blood… was everywhere.”

“Specifics, witness. Where was everywhere?”

“The floor, the sword, the bodies… What more do you want?”

“And are you sure you aren’t forgetting anywhere else?”

“Are you kidding me?” The guard asked sarcastically. “How could I forget…”

“Hold it! You’re missing a bloody location!”

“I swear it was only on the floor, the sword, and the bodies!”

“And the bathtub.”

The witness’s eyes got really wide. “T-There was no blood in the tub, I swear!”

“Then why, witness, do I have a picture of the crime scene where blood is present in the tub and around the rim?”

“Objection!” Moe Dirt, I swear, if you don’t stop I’ll make you EAT dirt! “The fact that the witness saw no blood cannot prove the defendant’s innocence in the murder, Mr. Dice. Please, move on.”

“Objection! Your right, it doesn’t prove her innocence. But it clears up the foggy subject of who died first. It proves that Princess Cadence had died first!”

The court room was silent. I could tell no one was thinking the same way I was, but Moe Dirt was the first to ask, “What does that have to do with this case?”

“The witness said Princess Cadence had screamed, but, if the murder had played out the way I have just proven, she was the first one dead! She couldn’t have screamed!”

“Objection! The princess could have screamed when she saw Ms. Sparkle charge at her with the sword. Are you really that daft?”

“Objection! If the attack had been so obvious, why had Shining Armor not reacted and stopped my client? He was the biggest threat. Why wasn’t he killed first?”

“Objection! None of this matters! You are just wasting time, proving the order of deaths your client caused is not proving her innocence, I suggest…”

“Sweet Filly Celestia, Dirt, Shining Armor was the killer you idiot! That’s the point I’ve been trying to make. The order of the deaths, the scream coming from my client. It all leads to Shining Armor! That‘s the whole theory I‘ve based this trial on today.”

It all makes sense now. This is why Twilight was so upset when I asked about her motive. She couldn’t stand to say she watched her brother kill her fiancé. But, that still leaves who killed Shining Armor.

While thinking to myself I realized all eyes were on me. The room was silent in awe, just as it had been when they realized an unborn filly was involved.

“Mr. Dice,” Moe Dirt started. “You are to have me believe Shining Armor killed Princess Cadence. Then prove it. What was the motive!?”

Motive… Oh no. There is only one path I can take with this, but…

“For that, we need the witness you so kindly brushed off. The one who saw the three involved before the murder!”

“Objection! Before anything happens, you must tell us your thoughts, now!”

“Overruled,” the judge chimed in. “This is impressive, for your first case Mr. Dice. I’ll grant you the request of the last witness. However, I won’t let you dilly dally any longer. We will call in the witness, but you have one shot to prove the motive Shining Armor had to kill. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Your Honor. Thank you.”

The next witness entered the room. He was in the same uniform the first Royal guard was in. They really don’t want a stallion to express individualism, huh? Anyway, the same swearing-in process occurred and he began to read off his testimony of what he saw the day of the murder.

“The day was coming to an end. The guards had finished their drills and were off of work for the day. I noticed Shining Armor was the first to pass me. I bowed and he addressed me, like always. Princess Cadence came a time later. I bowed, she greeted. Then, Princess Sparkle came by.”

Well, it was short and lacking detail, as usual. Time to get more details and set up some cold hard facts.

“So, Ms. Sparkle had no sword with her?”

“No. It was with Shining Armor.”

Moe Dirt had to comment, “Mr. Dice, we already know where the sword was, don’t waste our time.”

I ignored him and continued, “And Shining Armor wasn’t with Princess Cadence. Do you know where any of them were headed?”

“Objection. We already know where they were going.”

“Objection! We only have a theory at the moment. Based on the conversation the witness had, we can come to a precise conclusion. I would like the witness to testify to the separate conversations he had with both witnesses and my client.”

The judge granted me my request.

“Well, Shining Armor told me he wanted me to join him for dinner before he showered. I told him I had taken the night shift and couldn’t join him. Princess Cadence then asked me where Shining Armor had gone. I told her to check the dining hall, but he was probably already in the shower. Princess Sparkle came by later saying she needed to find Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. I told her that I had talked to both of them and that they would be in the bathroom.”

Suddenly, I realized how awkward this must sound. Twilight walking in on her brother showering and Cadence watching him while also telling her they were going to have a baby. Even I would have killed to get out of that situation.

“Hold it!” I had a thought. “So Shining Armor had just come back from his daily duties and hadn’t met up with Cadence until the bathroom?”

“Objection!” Dirt, I swear to Celestia it wouldn’t be soon enough until I was solving your murder case… “This question has no relevance to this case.”

“Objection! I can prove it does.” I quickly looked through the evidence to find the pregnancy test results. “Witness, at what time would you say you told Shining Armor you couldn’t go to dinner with him?”

“I would say about six. Why?”

“And Princess Cadence?”

“I don’t know. Six forty-five?”

“Where are you going with this, Mr. Dice,” The judge asked.

The pregnancy test had a time stamp on it: six fifteen on the day of the murder!

“Your Honor, the prosecution has made the claim that both Princess Cadence and Shining Armor shared the news of their new baby filly to Ms. Sparkle, which resulted in their murder.”

“Get to the point Star,” Moe Dirt said flatly.

“My point, Moe, is that Shining Armor had no idea about the baby!”

The court room bust into a commotion. They couldn’t believe what I was going to say next. However, the noise level was soon hushed by the judge’s gavel.

“Mr. Dice, I hope this isn’t a baseline hypothesis. And what relevance does it have to the case?” I’m really tired of hearing them ask about my credibility and relativity…

“This proves that Shining Armor had a motive for murder as well!”

Moe Dirt decided to try and summarize my madness, “Are you insinuating, Mr. Dice, that Shining Armor, the honorable leader of the Royal Guard in the Crystal Empire, killed Princess Cadence, his own wife, because he couldn’t handle the future of being a father?!”

“Not only that, but it explains another form of evidence that doesn’t fit.”

“And what would that be?”

“Well, the residue and prints of the sword.”

“But, if anything they incriminate Ms. Sparkle, not prove her not guilty!”

“Your wrong, Moe Dirt. Witness, is there any scenario during drill duty where a guard must use his sword?”

The witness thought back to that day. “Yes. We practice combat on dummies. Even Shining Armor participated today.”

“What species were training today?”

“Umm, all three. Earth ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi. Why does it matter?”

“Can you testify to the combat practice?”

“Objection!” Moe dirt broke in. “Honestly Mr. Dice, please stop dodging the charges and get on with the trial at hand!”

“Fine, answer this one question, witness: Did unicorns wield their swords with magic?”

“No, sir.”

I had everything I needed accept the patience of the court room. Now I just needed to place the pieces of the puzzle I had on the table and create a not guilty verdict. But would I have time?

“Your Honor, the moment of truth is upon us. If you will allow me to share it with the court…”

“Overruled!” My heart sank. “Mr. Dice. Today, I have heard nothing important come out of your mouth. So please, let me pass my verdict and be done with this cat-and-mouse chase you call a cross-examination!”

No. It couldn’t be over. I need another contradiction to continue the trail, and fast. Think, Star, think! His testimony just now. Is it strong enough to even hold the weight of a contradiction?

“Hold it! There’s still a contradiction in the witness’s testimony!”

A loud moan flowed through the room. It was apparent the audience had had enough of the trial as well. The judge shot daggers at me and replied, “This is your last chance, Mr. Dice. If you cannot continue to bring relative information to this court, the trial is over. Is that understood?”

“Y-yes, Your Honor.” Here goes nothing. One last hunch. “The magic residue on the sword was not conducted normally through Shining Armor’s drills. So when did he wield it with magic?”

The witness looked at me nervously, “He didn’t use magic, I promise!”

“Then we can be sure he didn’t attack a dummy. So he must have attacked something else: Princess Cadence!”

“Objection! You have no proof of that. He could have entered a struggle for magic control of his sword with Ms. Sparkle.”

“Objection! How easily you forget, Mr. Dirt. Ms. Sparkle left no residue on the sword, just hoof prints.”

“Y-you still can’t prove Ms. Sparkle didn’t kill either one of them!”

“Well, do you really think Ms. Sparkle was able to trot over to the pile of armor, draw the sword, was able to kill Princess Cadence and then Shining Armor? Shining Armor would have fought back!”

“No! You’re wrong. The victim was trapped in the bath tub. With limited mobility, there was no way to escape or fight back.”

No way. How can he come up with this stuff so quickly! There’s got to be a contradiction!

“Then that would explain the magic residue. Shining Armor, fighting back?” I asked.

“Y-yes, precisely.”

Gotcha. “Sadly, it explains the presence of Shining Armor’s magic residue, but, if that were true, Shining Armor would be alive.”

Chattering began to swell in the court room again. Questions were exchanged: Why had Shining Armor died if he was stronger? What can the prosecution do now? Is Twilight really innocent?

The judge stopped them with a quick crack of his gavel. “Order in the court! Mr. Dirt. Do you have an explanation for this?”

The prosecution answered with a smile, “Shining Armor had just returned from practice. He was obviously too tired from that to fight of his sister.”

The judge nodded, “That makes sense. Does the defense have anything else to say on the matter?”

“Yes, Your Honor. The fact that Shining Armor’s struggle with Ms. Sparkle took place is false.”

“Come, come now, Mr. Dice. Tell me you’re just joking. There is no evidence supporting there was no brawl.”

“No, but there is evidence that a struggle must have been quickly lost. You see, the witness said he had heard the scream and rushed to the bathroom door. It may be true that the guard took his time to barge in, but there was no time for a full-fledged brawl to take place. Even you can’t expect us to believe Shining Armor was so weak that he was subdued in ten seconds flat! On top of that, Shining Armor had not used his magic all day. Physical strength and magical strength are two different subjects. The truth is Shining Armor could have easily stopped Ms. Sparkle with his magic!”

“I don’t need to prove he was subdued, Mr. Dice, because he was.” Moe Dirt smirked.

“W-what?”

“Shining Armor is dead. That’s all the evidence I need.”

“There is still one more explanation to Shining Armor’s death we haven’t considered, Your Honor. One that proves my client is far from guilty, but a victim in all of this.”

The court room fell into silence. The anticipation was killing everyone, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say what I had stumbled upon. It was a good minute until Mr. Dirt decided to nibble.

“You can’t prove any pony else was in the room to kill Shining Armor, boy. Let me also remind you that, with your theory, Princess Cadence is dead, so don’t go bringing the dead back to life and suggesting she killed Shining Armor.”

“Oh, I can prove there was another pony in the room who could have killed Shining Armor.”

“Objection! No. You. Can’t.”

I decided it was time to let the court room in on my theory. “A bloody scream is heard through the halls of the castle. After killing his wife, Shining Armor was stricken with grief. Guards were on their way to check the commotion. Unable to live with himself he decided to end his life.”

Everyone was shocked. Speechless. Mr. Dirt stammered, “Y-You can’t be suggesting that…”

I nodded my head, “Shining Armor had committed suicide to escape guilt and punishment. This explains why he had magic residue and hoof prints on his sword while also being the second victim to die due to blood lose.”

Frantic, Mr. Dirt tried to piece his story back together. “But the scene the previous witness depicted, the one with Ms. Sparkle holding the sword…!”

“That can be explained for the same reason why Ms. Sparkle continues to claim she was the murderer. She respected her brother far more than she respected herself. She tried to stop Shining Armor from killing himself by pulling the sword out of his chest. This left her hoof prints on the sword. However, being a fit stallion, he was able to keep the blade in until he lost consciousness. Ms. Sparkle was then able to pull the sword out, leaving her standing alone with two dead family members and a bloody sword in hoof. Ms. Sparkle, understanding every pony’s admiration toward her brother, decided it was better for her name to go down in flames instead of her brothers.”

A long silence filled the court room with an occasional sniffle. Every pony was contemplating the scenario I gave. It was plausible. But I needed evidence to back it up. The silence was broken by a loud cry: Princess Sparkle. I had hit the nail on the head. Then I realized, her reaction was all the evidence I needed.

“I-it’s all true!” She balled. “The murder! The baby! My brother! The sword!” She continued to sob for a few more minutes until the bailiff was ordered to calm her down in the waiting lobby.

So that’s how it had happened. Princess Cadence had taken a pregnancy test that came back positive. She was able to find Shining Armor in the bathroom taking a shower. When Princess Twilight had also found them, Princess Cadence shared the news about the filly. Shining Armor flipped out, lost any sense of reality, grabbed his sword with a levitation spell and slashed his wife to death. Princess Twilight screamed, snapping Shining Armor back to reality. His final choice was to escape reality once more. But, Princess Twilight’s attempt to stop her brother ended up with her standing in the bathroom with the murder weapon in hoof. And she decided to take the blame for it to protect her brother’s name so he would die with the honor he still had.

“This is all very believable, Mr. Dice,” the prosecution started, “But to finally prove your point you’ll need hard evidence. Without it, all you have is a theory. And I doubt a theory will save Ms. Sparkle.”

Unbelievable… He’s right. I am so close, but without any physical evidence I can’t save her. There is only one thing left to do. In the absence of evidence, go with the next best thing: testimony.

“Your Honor. I believe we need to have one more witness testify. The one who really saw the murder for what it was. The defense would like to call Ms. Sparkle to the stand!”

“Objection! Ms. Sparkle has already confessed to the murder. There is no need for us to listen to her repeat herself.”

“Overruled,” The judge determined. Did I finally have the court on my side? “Bailiff, bring Ms. Sparkle to the stand.”

Princess Sparkle entered from the waiting room. She seemed to be composed now, but you could tell she was still shaking.

“Ms. Sparkle,” The judge started, “Please testify to what you saw in the bathroom that night.”

“It started when I entered the room. Cadence said she had news for the both of us, the news about the filly. Shining Armor was furious. He said he wasn’t ready for this, and… Cadence tried to assure him everything was okay… but… a sword whizzed in front of my face and sliced into Cadence. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and screamed. The look on my brother’s face was total horror. He… He summoned the sword and it went straight through his chest, hilt deep. I tried! I really did, to get it out I mean. But, it only came out when his magic faded. I was too late. The guard barged in and, well, you know the rest…”

Everything fit into place. This was it. She really didn’t kill any pony.

“T-the defense rests, Your Honor.” There was nothing left to say. No contradictions to cross-examine. We had won. That is, until…

“Objection! This witness is lying and biased. She is obviously traumatized from the whole experience. Why, just this morning she was admitting to the murder, now she is simply spitting out the false story the defense has sown together. We have learned nothing from this testimony and I request it be removed from the record!”

“No! Your Honor you can’t!”

The judge spoke up, “I see only one reason to keep the testimony, and only one question needs to be asked in the cross examination. So I conclude, Mr. Dice, are you ready for your last cross examination?”

What was he talking about? She hadn’t lied at all. But… maybe all I need is more information. More clarification. “Yes, Your Honor.” I’m going to have to press her until she gives me something to work with.

“Ms. Sparkle, can you explain to the court why Shining Armor would kill his wife?”

“Well, the news must have been a surprise, seeing that neither one of us had been told prior. I’d also have to say, well, my brother was the responsible one in the relationship. I’m not trying to make Cadence sound like a bad princess, but, Cadence has a tendency to do less than Shining Armor. Meaning, Shining Armor works, protects the kingdom of the Crystal Empire, and now would have a child to look after. All of that stress and responsibility must have just built up and he lost it.”

“Objection!” Moe Dirt, as stubborn as always. “Let’s not forget your relationship with Flash Sentry, Ms. Sparkle. It hasn’t been…”

“Hold it right there Mr. Dirt!” I butt in. “I believe the prosecutions stand on the motive is that Ms. Sparkle had acted out in hearing the news of the new filly.”

“Yes, but the prosecution still recognized that the relationship drama beforehand is one of many causes for the murder. The defendant wouldn’t simply kill based on the news of a new arrival to the royals.”

“Then we would be in agreement to have Ms. Sparkle testify to her previous relationship with Flash Sentry?”

Backed into a corner, Mr. Dirt had no other choice but to accept. I knew I had control over the case now. I just need to finish this. Leave no room for doubt.

“Flash wasn’t anything really. Well, not the Flash Sentry in this world. Back as a human, he was a sweetheart, but here, as a royal guard, he is distant. I thought they would be the same, but I was wrong. I have no ill will towards him, and, if I’m not overstepping my limits, I believe with that, this case has come to a close.”

I looked over to Moe Dirt, his face was red and his nostrils were flaring. He knew he was beat. I didn’t have to cross-examine again. Any more questioning would have torn Moe’s motive to shreds anyway.

“Your Honor,” I started. “Now, the defense rests.”

The judge nodded, “Mr. Dirt. Any final remarks?”

Through clenched teeth, the prosecution answered, “None.”

“Then I can hand down my verdict. I find the defendant, Ms. Sparkle, Not Guilty!” And with one last slam of his gavel, he announced, “Case dismissed!”

A huge cheer came from every audience member in the bleachers. I looked around and noticed something. The audience had gradually moved over to my side of the court room. In fact, a majority had trotted over! Princess Twilight broke down in tears. Tears of joy. Liquid Pride. It really was all over.

After the trial I helped Princess Twilight into the waiting room where we found Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. The three princesses huddled around and gave one big group hug. I kind of just stayed where I was, awkwardly. Princess Celestia was the first to address me.

“Thank you, Star Dice. You really helped out here. And for a beginner, too! You should be very proud.”

Again, I don‘t take flattery well. With a blushed face I replied, “Thank you. But it was you who had faith in your student, after all.”

With a smile and a small laugh she replied, “You are too kind, Mr. Dice.”

Suddenly a pink, energetic pony appeared in the middle of their hug. I was sure she hadn’t been there when they had started that hug.

“Twilight! Congratulations on not being a murderer! I brought the party supplies like you said.” She said with a huge smile. In fact, she had already started blowing up balloons.

“Pinkie Pie, you should really be thanking Mr. Dice over there. Without him I would be on death row right now.” She stopped and her face turned into a frown. “Wait, how could I have told you to bring supplies if I thought I was to be found guilty? That’s nothing to celebrate.”

She had a point. But Pinkie just shrugged it off and said, “I dunno. Must have been my Pinkie Sense or something. Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t bring it all for nothing! Now I can fire the party…”

Just then, a loud blast was heard down the hall. The five of us rushed to see a crowd of ponies around a cannon. I pushed my way to the front of the crowd to see what the commotion was about. In the middle of the chaos was a familiar face: Moe Dirt. He was on the floor. Dead.

I turned and raced back to the others. They needed to know about this! As I approached them I noticed Pinkie was being carried off by the police.

“What’s going on? Moe is as dead as…” You know, ‘dead as dirt’ might be a distasteful joke. Too soon.

Princess Twilight explained, “Mr. Dice. That party cannon is Pinkie Pie’s. She killed Moe Dirt.”

And then it hit me. I was staring my next case straight in the face.

Surprise Party Trial

How can I solve a murder case when I know my client killed the victim? Once again, Princess Celestia hired me for an impossible case: Find Pinkamina Diane Pie innocent of the murder of Moe Dirt. On top of that, the trial is set for tomorrow. I can understand a teacher having faith in her student, but the princess having faith in her student’s friend?

When I think about it, I guess I never really saw Pinkie Pie murder Mr. Dirt. She was talking to us when the cannon went off. There has to be some kind of explanation for this where Pinkie is innocent.

First things first, though. Go speak with my client in the Detention Center. I have to know if Pinkie had any previous contact with Mr. Dirt in any way to incriminate or give her a motive to kill him.

When I arrived, I didn’t know what to expect. The same receptionist was there ready to give me another piece of her mind.

“Well I’ll be. Showing your face here again. I heard you found Princess Twilight not guilty. Good for you, I guess.” That’s another thing. Ever since the trial I noticed this place doesn’t socially follow the rule ‘innocent until proven guilty.’ It’s more like guilty until proven innocent. “I guess you’ll be seeing the new criminal today?” She continued.

“My client is innocent, Miss. And yes, I’d like a word with her.”

“You know the drill, Communication Room 1.” She pointed to the direction of the room. “And another little advice. There are so many eye witnesses to this case, do you really think you can convince all of them that they were wrong? You many convince people of a murder that no one saw, but this is different.”

“I guess we’ll see how it plays out.” I replied coolly. I had no idea what tomorrow was going to be like. A new prosecutor meant nothing was going to be the same. What stallion could ever take the place of a successful prosecutor with such an impressive win streak?

When I entered the room Pinkie Pie was already there, jumping and hopping around. This pony’s thrown one too many parties. Two too many if you consider the murder a surprise party for Twilight. Now if I could get her to stand still I could ask her some questions.

“Ms. Pie. As you may or may not know, I am to be your defense attorney tomorrow.”

She laughed. It was kind of creepy, her being in the Detention Center laughing and having a grand old time. “Okay. Thanks Mister!” Her voice was so cheery.

I tried to use a very grave tone. “I need to ask you a couple questions… Ms. Pie please sit still, you’re giving me a head ache.” How could she even move around like that? It was like she was breaking every law of physics or something.

She replied with a giggle and a “Sorry.”

“Now, what sort of motive would you have for killing Mr. Dirt? Have you met him before?”

“No. I never met the guy. And I didn’t kill him either.”

“Then why did your cannon go off?”

“Don’t ask me. It was filled with confetti. I don’t know of anyone who can die by confetti.” She laughed at herself. She had a point though.

Nothing is adding up. If she’s had no previous contact with Moe Dirt and the murder weapon wasn’t set up by her, then did she really kill him? Was she set up? Or was she lying? Either way, she knows nothing and I’m making no progress here.

“Thank you, Ms. Pie. If you’ll excuse me I need to conduct my investigation elsewhere now.”

“Oh, okay,” there was disappointment in her voice. “I’ll just be here if you need to see me again. Don’t be a stranger.”

She’s a social creature for sure. Without other pony interaction, she’s lost. I wish I could help her, but it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to comfort her AND find her innocent.

My next stop was the crime scene. It’s almost ironic that a murder occurred in a court room lobby for the trial of murder cases. Regardless, if I can’t make any connections or find any leads there, I’ll be the one lost.

Inside was a frantic mess of police. Every pony was yelling and having conversations about the crime scene. Not many court cases happen nowadays, so I’m such every officer showed up. It’s really a time of peace in Equestria. Sure, you could consider a few incidents, such as the ones with Nightmare Moon, Discord, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, and Tirek not ideal for peace, but no pony was murdered. Now, two cases, back to back, both dealing with a murder. Could this be the end to all of the peace?

As I walked towards the crime scene a familiar face stopped me in my tracks.

“What’d I say ‘bout showin’ ya face yesterday, pal!” Blackjack yelled over all other conversations between the investigators.

I wanted to play nice with Blackjack so he would let me investigate, but I knew that wouldn’t resonate with him. Good guys finish last, at least I did during the last investigation. I decided to act on his barbaric level.
“The physical and verbal threats placed on me?” I asked, questioning what he had said to me that night. “Well, I just compared them to the suffering an innocent mare would have to face if I had let imitation rule my spirit. It was the easiest decision of my life, Detective. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a parallel episode unfolding right before me as we speak.”

Blackjack chuckled, “You got guts, kid. But you don’t talk to a superior like that.” He pulled his hoof back for a punch.

“I would try that again, Detective. You are aware of who I report to, don’t you?”

Fear shot through his eyes. Not even a rough and tough bat pony would want to tango with the princesses. With his ego deflated, he trotted off.
Harassment in the work place. What he doesn’t know is that I filled out a report of assault for the first investigation. I had leverage on him where he had none.

I first wanted details on the murder weapon: Pinkie Pie’s party cannon. From what Twilight said when she briefed me on the case, the thing only shoots confetti. But, it was capable of firing a lone, dense cannonball. This is assumed based on the fact that Mr. Dirt died from point blank cannon fire. Some pony must have replaced the confetti with the cannonball. However, after talking to the investigation team, the cannonball was missing.

The only solid evidence the prosecution would have would be the fact that it is Pinkie’s cannon, and her hoof prints are the only ones on the cannon. Sadly, that would be enough to incriminate her. Plus, I have no way to counter that right now.

But if Pinkie didn’t have a motive, the prosecution doesn’t have a case. Only the true killer must have had a pure motive. I’ll have to dig into Mr. Dirt’s current work to find out if he had any negative connections to any pony.

I didn’t know what to expect when I got to Mr. Dirt’s office. There were no police or investigators. A gold mine, full of clues going unnoticed. Perfect!

The door was unlocked. Strange. I guess officers had been here before me and already left? I took the liberty to rummage through his files. He had accepted many court cases. All of them were given a guilty verdict. Maybe one of these verdicts hadn’t sat well with the true killer. I saw nothing about Pinkie Pie in the filing cabinet, though. A dead end for the prosecution.
I went through his desk next. I was stopped by two folders on top, though. One file read: “Cupcakes.” I opened the folder to find one of my worst fears: a motive for Pinkie Pie to murder Mr. Dirt.
Inside was a detailed report on a lead to a different murder case. It said that a pink Earth pony was believed to have a slaughter house under Sugar Cube Corner. There, she would cut up fillies and grind their flesh into cupcakes, which she would then sell to customers.
This form of cannibalism surely hadn’t been prolonged, right? This must be a false lead. But I checked the date it was written: the same date as Princess Twilight’s trial. Mr. Dirt must have just received this report before taking the stand. He must have read over it and decided it was next on his list. This could very well mean that Pinkie Pie could be a murderer! I’ll have to confront her and investigate Sugar Cube Corner later.
The other file was very vague. It wasn’t really a lead, more of a foot note. It was describing a pony with three balloons as a cutie mark playing pranks on other ponies around Ponyville. It was a description given by a witness to an incident where this pranking pony had scared an elderly mare, given her a heart attack, and died later the same day. Could this have been Pinkie Pie, too? I’ve never heard of two ponies having the same cutie mark. A detail like that can’t be proven false.
I couldn’t find anything else important in his office. These cases Mr. Dirt had accepted... who else knew about them? The door was unlocked. If the prosecution had already made copies… The only thing to do now is to disprove these and head over to Sugar Cube Corner in Ponyville.

Just looking at the place could give you cavities. The restaurant looked like it was made with the baked goods they would sell. Does that mean you could be consuming construction material? Anyway, I entered through the door to find three ponies in mid conversation.
Their coats were were blue, orange, and red. The blue mare and the orange stallion were wearing aprons, so they must have been the owners, but the red pony was wearing shades and a leather overcoat. The hood of the coat made his face impossible to see. Could he be another detective like Blackjack?

The owners notice me when I walked in and welcomed me. They tried to explain they were closed for the day. However, I had other interests.
“Sorry,” I replied. “I’m not here to buy any desserts. I’m here on business: the murder trial of Mr. Dirt.”
The two owners introduced themselves as Mr. and Mrs. Cake. The red pony didn’t move or motion to introduce himself. He just stood there, observing me.
“We can’t offer much,” Mr. Cake explained. “We only know that Pinkie Pie is not the kind of pony to murder some pony.”
“Actually, I was wondering if I could check your basement.”
The owners exchanged glances then looked at the red pony. “That’s funny,” Mrs. Cake replied. “This pony asked the same question before you walked in.”
That could only mean one thing. He had to be…
“So,” I addressed the strange pony. “You must be the prosecutor for tomorrow’s trial.”
The pony just stood there for a while. He took a step towards the door, about to leave when I yelled, “Hey! Who are you? Answer me!”
The only response I could get out of him was a muffled, “You’re a lawyer. Figure it out for yourself.”
After that strange encounter, the Cakes allowed me access to the basement. Unlike the report, the basement was not full of torture weapons and meat grinders, Thank Celestia. I took pictures as proof. I searched for any possible secret doors, hollow walls, just about anything that could be hidden and cause suspicion. However, I came to the conclusion that the report wasn’t total bull.

This obviously made the Cakes question my actions. I told them everything I found at Mr. Dirt’s office. Their faces grimaced at the thought of a meat factory under their candy shop. I promised I wouldn’t leak this to the public. If I did, their shop reputation would plummet. However, I don’t think I can keep it a secret during the trial. That other stallion... he knew about the basement. He knew about this report. Why the door was open… it was him. He beat me to the punch. I bet he was even on the same train as I was on the way to Ponyville.
Either way, it doesn’t matter. There was no proof that Pinkie Pie had murdered any pony before. I also asked the Cakes about the footnote, the one about scaring an elderly mare to death. They said they knew nothing about the incident. They were told she had died from natural causes. The same story was bound to be repeated around town, so that is even more evidence to help my case. I thnked them for their time and left.
I couldn’t do any more investigating Ponyville, so I decided to head back to the Detention Center in Canterlot. I needed another word with Pinkie Pie.

When she entered the room she wasn’t herself. She was depressed from the court case, literally. Her hair was deflated and straight, her happy-go-lucky glow seemed to be dark and gloomy, her eyes were droopy, she seemed tired which, compared to earlier today, was a big personality change.
“Ms. Pie, I’d like to talk to you about the details of this case.”
All she could manage was a saddening glare and the words, “I’m guilty.”
My heart sank. Was she serious? Is that why her attitude had changed? Had she come to terms with the murder she committed?
“Ms. Pie, you can be serious. You’re not the type of pony to murder.”
“Well, I did. And I am.”
What lies have the interrogation team fed her? Have they convinced her that she’s guilty?
“Then what motive did you have for killing Mr. Dirt?” She was silent. I knew it. She’s not giving her motive because she didn’t have one.
“The man in there said I wanted to kill Mr. Dirt because he was trying to get Twilight a guilty verdict. And he’s right. I didn’t want him to die, hay no. But, I didn’t want him to hassle either you or Twilight. I’m not even sad that he’s dead. I deserve to be found guilty I’m sorry.”
“Pinkie stop talking,” I said quickly and quietly before she could continue. I continued talking in a hushed voice. “You don’t need to be found guilty to feel better about apathy for the guy. You didn’t know him, you weren’t attached to him, and so it’s natural for you not to care. It doesn’t make you a murderer. Now before I continue our chat, tell me, did you purposefully kill Mr. Dirt!”
She stared at the floor like Twilight did, as if she were guilty. Twilight was guilty for lying to me about killing someone. Pinkie was experiencing the same feelings, lying to me.
“Thanks, Mr. Dice,” She said softly. “No, I didn’t kill any pony.”

“Don’t scare me like that Pinkie,” I sighed. “Now, I have to ask you about this report I found on Mr. Dirt’s desk. It contains a criminal lead, and you’re identified as the criminal.”

Pinkie looked at me confused. “Huh? I haven’t killed any pony in my life.” That’s not what you were preaching a few seconds ago… “First they think I killed Mr. Dirt, now they think I’ve killed some pony else?”

“Here,” I handed the report to Pinkie, “I’ll let you read it. It won’t sink in if I just explained it to you.”

She read the file, her face becoming more and more shocked and horrified. “I would never…! Why would someone say this about me? Every pony loves my parties!”

“There is one more little tidbit that I wanted you to see.” I handed her the fact about the elderly pony who was scared to death by a prankster with a triple balloon cutie mark.

“This isn’t me either. Dashie and I would prank people, true, but we would never prank any pony who couldn’t handle it. Especially not the elderly. We know our limits.”

Seemed like a contradiction: Responsible pranking? I’ll let it slide. But who was Dashie? I’ll have to ask after this ordeal is over. Priorities, Star. “Did you know this pony?”

“No. The name sounds familiar, though. I thought she died of natural causes.” Mr. and Mrs. Cake said the same thing.

“That doesn’t seem like the case any longer.”

“Sorry I haven’t much help,” Pinkie Pie said with a sigh. I realized all the parties in the world couldn’t cheer up this pony. Only a not guilty verdict could. Then, maybe after, she would throw all the parties in the world.

“You were a lot of help, Pinkie. Thanks for your time.”

I started to walk off when she ask one more question. “Will I be found guilty tomorrow?”

The question hit me hard. I had no leads, just counters. If that red pony could bring up one piece of evidence I couldn’t counter, it was game over. But, you can’t just sit ideally by and let your client worry. That’s one of the rules to a defense attorney. No matter how tough or bleak the trial ahead looks, you keep a smile all of the way through it.

I told her, “If you didn’t kill Mr. Dirt, then you have nothing to worry about.”

I gave her a smile and trotted back to the castle. I had to give my report to Princess Celestia.

As I walked, several thoughts flew through my head. Who was the red prosecutor? Who had really killed Mr. Dirt? Why was Pinkie Pie being framed? Had I found all of the evidence needed to win tomorrow?

Before I knew it I was standing in front of Princess Celestia ready to give my report. Although she said I had done good work today, I knew it wasn’t good enough. I had only scrapped the surface of this case, I was going in unprepared. Some pony’s life was on the line and I couldn’t get my act together to investigate more.

The princess knew I was upset and told me not to worry and that everything would work out. I’ve placed my trust in her so many times, but now, I just not sure.

I didn’t get the best night of sleep, but it was all I had to work with. The thought of Pinkie being a maniacal filly killer and feeding those cupcakes to innocent ponies made me wasn’t to vomit and cry. But, I knew nothing like that could ever exist, right?

Pinkie Pie was sitting with me in the waiting lobby. Unfortunately, the crime scene tape could be seen from the waiting chairs, and that was the center of Pinkie’s attention. Her hair was still deflated and her depression was still full blown. I could only help by presenting a not guilty, but it wasn’t going to be easy. It never seems to be.

The guards called our names. Time to shine.

It was the same old court room, the same old bleachers, and the same old judge. The only thing new was the prosecutor. I never had figured out who he was. I’m sure his name will come up in casual conversation… during a murder trial.

The judge slammed his gavel twice on his desk. “Court is now in session. Is the defense ready?”

“The defense is ready, Your Honor.” What would ever happen if I said I wasn’t?

“And is the prosecution ready?”

The prosecutor took his precious time with answering. After one minute passed he replied “Yes.”

The judge and I exchanged looks. We were both thinking the same thing: Who IS this pony?!

The judge requested the red pony to remove his garments and state his name to the court. “This is your first case after all.”

His first case and he’s this calm? Impressive. Maybe I had more in common with him than I thought.

The pony removed the shades, coat, and hood to reveal some pony I thought I’d never see as a prosecutor: Garnet Ore.

First off, Garnet is a girl. Not a guy. To be honest, a red coat is pretty uncommon today. The only other pony it could have been was Big Macintosh. So the whole, ‘oh, you’re a girl’ factor was resonating with every pony. But we have a past.

We both went to college together. You could say we were close, but really she was far too advanced to have any classes with me. We both decided to become lawyers. The only problem was that I became a defense attorney and she became a prosecutor. That kind of put a tension on the friendship, which later turned into a rivalry.

Fast forward to today. Just like mock trials back in college, we were about to butt heads. Only real people were one the line and we weren’t working for a grade. It didn’t give me much confidence that I never won one of those mock trials…

Once the judge recovered from the shock and awe of the fact that Garnet was a girl, he asked again, “Can we have your name and occupation?”

She answered calm and coolly, “Garnet Ore. And, Your Honor. I’m not some witness taking the stand. You know my occupation from where I stand.”

“Errm. Right. Well. Please give your opening statements on the trial.”

Garnet started off with her prepared speech. “Yesterday, Pinkie Pie entered this building with the false intention to throw a little ‘You’re not guilty!’ party. However, this flimsy alibi can easily be disproven. The true intention of the defendant was to murder the man who was hot on her tail to discovering her little secret. By disposing of the only man capable of uncovering her truth, she would be scot free. However, now she finds herself sitting in court facing different charges. By this trials end, she will be punished for both her murder, and her disturbing past.”

Interesting. Unlike Mr. Dirt, Garnet isn’t going to keep anything up her sleeve. Upfront as usual.

“The defense may state its opening remarks know,” The judge said.

“Thank you. Today, we have an unfortunate trial. An innocent mare is being tried for a crime she did not commit. And as we waste time here today, realize that the real murderer runs lose. I believe that the innocence of my client will shine through the darkness you currently view of her.” And with that I returned control to Garnet. Old rivals revived. Let’s see where this goes.

The judge ordered the head investigator to take the stand and provide all of the evidence for the trial.

Of course, Blackjack and been the investigator again. He stated his name and occupation, just as any pony would, gave me his fair share of glares, and proceeded the give his report.

“Th’ scene of th’ crime was pretty ugly. Not to mention th’ mental and emotional toll of havin’ to investigate the murder of ya’ boss. He died from a massive impact: cannon fire. Th’ death was instant. He was in no pain.”

I realized now, this wasn’t the same, burly jerk who threatened to beat me into a hay burger every time I met him. This Blackjack actually was genuine. He showed feelings other than hate and anger. It was almost like Mr. Dirt was one of the only friends he had. He truly missed that prosecutor.

Don’t worry Blackjack. I’ll find the true killer. Even if you think the killer is Pinkie, I’ll prove you wrong. And I will bring justice.

Blackjack continued his report. “Th’ murder weapon, as ya’ may already know, is Pinkie Pie’s cannon. It was surrounded by confetti when we found it, but we cannot tell if it was fired with or separate from the cannonball. Ms. Pie’s hoof prints are all over th’ cannon, and only her hoof prints were found on it. This should be proof enough that she‘s guilty.”

That was it? Pretty short. There’s no way hoof prints on a personal cannon could convict Pinkie of murder. Garnet was planning something. Like I said, Garnet has cards up her sleeve.

“The defense may have its counter examination now.”

Okay, start off with the obvious: details. “This cannonball you believe killed Mr. Dirt. Where is it now?”

Blackjack glared at me. “We don’t have it. In fact th’ thing was never found.”

I thought I would get the first objection, but…

“Objection!” Garnet spoke. “Mr. Dice, I know where you are going with this. You believe that since we have no evidence that a cannonball killed Mr. Dirt that we must strike it from the report.”

She was exactly correct. “Yes,” I replied. “Why shouldn’t it?”

“My, my. I thought you were smarter than this Mr. Dice.” A chill went down my spine. She was far too calm and confident. It was creepy. “First of all, what else could have killed Mr. Dirt? If you’re insinuating the confetti, then you are incriminating your client even further. She would have easier access to condensed confetti than a cannonball. I did you a favor here, Mr. Dice. One glimmer of mercy. It won’t happen again.”

I didn’t know what to feel. She had prepared a trap and disassembled it right in front of me. I have to be more selective in what I ask.

“R-right. Umm. So, Detective Blackjack…”

“Whaddaya want?!”

I jumped a little. “The last statement you said, ‘That should be proof enough that she’s guilty.’ How can her hoof prints on her cannon prove her guilt? It’s her, cannon. The hoof print were acquired from previous use.”

“Objection! Mr. Dice. It is not the fact that her hoof prints are on the cannon, it’s the fact that no pony else’s hoof prints are on the cannon. This means the only pony to fire the cannon was Ms. Pie.”

The court room erupted into an uproar. So far it was very convincing that Garnet’s argument was better. The judge was about to crack his gavel to silence to court, but before Garnet yelled over the crowd, “HOWEVER!”

The court room became silent. She continued, “I agree with Mr. Dice. The evidence here is not enough to declare a verdict just yet. This is why we have a prepared witness.”

I should have known. Being in such a populated building, some pony was bound to see who shot Mr. Dirt. And now, with this witness, I can prove it wasn’t Pinkie Pie who was the killer.

“Will the defense please call forth its first witness?”

“The prosecution calls the eye witness, Flash Sentry, to the stand. He was on duty at the time and pursued the culprit.”

Flash Sentry? That name sounds familiar. I’ve heard it before, but where?

An orange Pegasus walked up to the stand. He was in uniform, but his dark blue mane was still visible. He had something to do with Twilight’s case, but I don’t remember what…

“State your name and occupation, please,” the judge asked.

He replied, “Flash Sentry. Royal guard to the late Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire, Your Honor.” Now I remember. He was presumed to be the motive for the murders. But, really it was premature bad parenting… Too soon? Yeah, too soon.

“You may begin your testimony.”

“I was on guard that day for the trial of the murder of Princess Cadence. Without her to guard I had to keep myself busy, so that was the next best thing. I scanned the whole room several times in one minute and saw something very peculiar. A mare with a fluffy mane and tail had stuffed something into a cannon and light a match. Knowing Twilight’s friend is a party planner, I first considered the mare to be her. However, when the cannon went off and a dead body was lying there I decided to chase her.”

What? He actually followed the murderer?

“The culprit took several different turns through the hallways of the courthouse, but I found her trying to blend into a crowd talking to some very important people. I’m talking about Princess Celestia, Luna and Twilight.”

Once again the court room turned into a frenzy. Had Pinkie Pie really come from the cannon fire straight to us? How could some pony else have been chased and be replaced by Pinkie?

The judge slammed his gavel. “Order! Order, in the court. Is that all Mr. Sentry?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Mr. Dice. Your counter examination will now commence.”

“Mr. Sentry. You say that you saw a fluffy mane and fluffy tail on my client that day…”

“Objection! Mr. Dice, we all know where this is going. To prove that Ms. Pie was adorning said hair style and not the deflated do she has today, I will submit her mug shot as evidence. Now please, stop wasting our time.”

That’s one of her flaws I guess. She assumes too much. “Actually, I was about to ask if he could be more descriptive about the mare he chased. The hair was detailed, but any pony could have fluffy features.”

“I see,” the judge butted in. “Yes, Mr. Sentry. Please be more specific, would you?”

“Yes, sir. Like I had said before, I didn’t get a decent look at her. I was scanning the room constantly and was focused on several things at a time. I’ll see if I can do better.”

He can even say what pastel color this pony was? Something’s being hidden.

“The pony in question, she had three balloons printed on her flank: her cutie mark. She ran as fast as she could after the cannon went off.”

“Objection!” I couldn’t believe what he just said. “Wait a minute… Did I just here you right? She ran after the cannon fired?”

“Yes, why?”

Pinkie had been talking to me when the cannon went off that day. She really wasn’t the murderer. “Is there anything else that you can remember? Color maybe?”

“Well… at the time it was hard to tell.”

“Objection! Mr. Sentry, if you could see a bright pink pony running away from the crime scene then you are blind.”

“Objection!” Garnet called out. “Do not harass my witness, Mr. Dice.”

“Actually. I have a better theory. Mr. Sentry’s eyes were working fine that day. They just weren’t on the killer.”

“What are you getting at Mr. Dice?” Garnet asked.

“Mr. Sentry was preoccupied by staring at some pony else. And that some pony was Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

Flash’s eyes were darting back and forth. “Why would I be looking in her direction, I didn’t even see her there.”

Garnet face hoofed herself. “You’re just digging yourself a bigger hole, Mr. Sentry.” Flash gave her a confused look

I decided to explain. “Your contradictions keep piling up, Mr. Sentry. First you say you saw everything, but you didn’t know Princess Twilight was in the lobby and you couldn’t tell what color coat the killer had. So, which is it? You can answer that question by admitting you weren’t aware of your surroundings, or you can final give us the answer we want: Was the culprit pink!”

Flash looked down at the ground and admitted, “I didn’t see the killer.” After that the crowd became restless. “You’ve got me all wrong!” He yelled. I followed her! That’s how I saw her cutie mark and her hair style. It doesn’t matter what color she was, the killer is Pinkie Pie!”

“Objection!” Surprisingly it was Garnet, not me. When I looked over at her she was scowling at her witness. “Mr. Sentry. This is not how we do things here. Please, do not jump to any conclusions. Answer the questions you are asked and nothing more.” Flash looked back at the ground and nodded. “If the defense has no other questions…”

“I have one more thing, Mrs. Ore. The defendant said he chased the killer for some time after the cannon fire. I was there that day talking to Pinkie Pie before the murder.” I was suddenly interrupted by the crowd’s commotion. The judge had to quite them down for me to continue. “She had talked to me right before and up to the cannon fire. She couldn’t have been the one Mr. Sentry saw light the cannon.”

“Objection! This is cross examination, not a confessional. If you are not going to question the witness, then this cross examination is over.”

“The little tale was the prelude to my Question, Mrs. Ore. Now then, Mr. Sentry. Can you say, in your pursuit of the murderer, did you ever lose sight of her? “

Flash took a very long time to process and answer the question. He looked nervously at Garnet and answered, “Yes.”

The court room exploded with outrage. This information put everything back into question. Once the judge called every pony down I declared that the defense had finished it’s cross examination.

“Well nothing has really been determined here today, has it?” The judge asked. “I am not ready to cast judgment just yet. The amount of evidence against the defendant is severely lacking. However, there is still evidence against her. I issue another day for investigations. Bring more light to this murder by tomorrow. Court is adjourned.”

What a mess. I stopped Garnet from getting a quick victory. But without the identity of the real murderer, I can’t go any further.

Suddenly an angry voice sprouted from behind me, “What the hay was that Star?” It was Garnet.

“I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?”

“You tell me first,” Garnet insisted. “You were a flunky, barely got out of college, and here you are fighting me in court.”
“Yeah, your first case. I’ll have you know I’ve taken…”

“Another court case, yeah, yeah. I know. Everyone knows, Star,” Garnet finish my sentence, mockingly. “You got lucky. Moe would have mopped the floor with you. He just had this case on the brain. I’m not distracted. And we both know who graduated in the top ten percent of her class.”

Wait. Back track. How did she know what was on Mr. Dirt’s mind? Was she… “Moe Dirt. You two are connected somehow.”

“You catch on far too late. I was his apprentice. I accepted his role as a prosecutor when he died. Now I owe him the satisfaction of exacting justice on his killer, your client.”

“Hate to break it to you, but Pinkie can’t even kill a Parasprite. Someone else is behind this.”

“Nice try, Star. You know she’s guilty. You watch her kill him. You monster!” And with that, Garnet ran off in tears. Wow. Some reunion.

After the trial, I headed back to Princess Celestia to get her up to speed on the case. I had all day to do what? Find another lead? All I knew was that I was looking for a murderer. Sure, Flash had said she had the same cutie mark and same hair style, but all of that could have been a disguise. Still though. Where could she have gone? After losing Flash in the halls, how did she manage her escape? It’s impressive how an earth pony could have out run a member of the Royal Guard, too. Flash was a Pegasus, which means he was light weight, able to fly even with armor. His bones were hollow, or at least porous. I can’t accept he was out run by an Earth pony.

By that time I had reached the castle. After telling Princess Celestia about the trial she offered me a piece of advice. “Talk to Pinkie again. I believe the identity of the true killer lies with her.” I thanked her for her time and headed off to the Detention Center. Celestia hasn’t been wrong in her judgments yet. Let’s hope there isn’t a first time for everything.

Pinkie was still as sad as ever. Even the thought of being able to make the judge consider she wasn’t guilty hadn’t helped her depression. I didn’t want to stay long, I knew she thrived on social interaction, but I needed more time to find leads. I asked the obvious questions first.

“Are you sure who don’t know any pony who would frame you?”

“No pony, Mr. Dice.”

“Well, how about knowing of you? They knew how to mimic you pretty well.”

“Every pony in Ponyville knows who I am. I plan all of the parties. That’s why my cutie mark is of balloons.”

Cutie mark of balloons… To entertain the thought that this mare really was identical to Pinkie and had the same cutie mark, then this other pony must be a party pony as well. I guess that’s a lead.

“What about your equipment? This person must have known an awful lot about your party cannon to fire it. Wait… even worse. This pony contacted you to bring your cannon on that day. Twilight said she didn’t expect to found not guilty that day, but you said you showed up upon invitation. The murderer has contacted you through a letter. Do you know if the letter had a return address? Do you still have this letter?”

“It didn’t. I thought it was odd at first. But when I knew it was Twilight, I thought she was just being formally informal sending a letter with no return.” It wasn’t going to be that easy, huh?

“Well, back to the cannon. The murderer knew how to use it. How?”

“Beats me it’s of my own design. It doesn’t require a match and fuse. All it needs is a good push and it fires.”

“Pinkie, you realize that your hoof prints are the only ones on the cannon. That incriminates you…”

“But if she was wearing a disguise it wouldn’t leave any prints, right.”

“True. But Flash said the culprit lit a fuse. I wonder if he was still just distracted.”

“Beats me.”

“Thanks Pinkie. You’ve given me a lot to go on from.”

Pinkie nodded and trotted off back to her cell. Poor thing. But now I have to pursue two questions: Who’s a party pony like Pinkie and who knows how to operate a party cannon? I believe the answers would be where Pinkie Pie is known the best: Ponyville.

First thing I did when getting to Ponyville was check out the stores. There wasn’t a single party supplies store. Pinkie must be the sole provider for all parties. What a monopoly. But if there was another party pony, then some pony else would be try to obtain the monopoly. So, was it really a motive of money?

I wanted around a little more. I walked into a Prop and Gag store, thinking it was similar to a party store to do some investigating. The only pony in there was the cashier and a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow mane. I could help hear here mention to the cashier, “When Pinkie Pie comes back home, we’re gunna prank the hay out of every pony!”

I approached her, “Hey. You know my client, Pinkie Pie?”

She turned around and gave me a bewildered face. “Client? Are you that lawyer pony who’s supposed to be trying to get her out of jail? What the hay are you doing in a prankster’s store?!”

Apparently she was the pony Pinkie referred to as Dashie: Rainbow Dash. I explained to her my thought process on the court case thus far. She seemed to be listening for the most part. But I could tell she wasn’t paying attention for most of the story.

“So you need to find a pony who could look like Pinkie Pie? Beats me. There is no way a party could go on without Pinkie, but maybe, if you think the killer’s motive really was to earn the party business, then find a party today. The host has got to be the pony behind it. Personally, I wouldn’t put it behind Cheese Sandwich. That guys was out to get Pinkie. They made up, but… Just go look. I got pranks to plan!” And with that she flew off. I had a feeling I’d be seeing her again.

So that’s what I did. I trotted around town until I found a party. Surprisingly, I found one. It was a dinky little thing. None of the fillies looked like they were having fun. The birthday girl was with a Pegasus in whte clown makeup and a clown outfit. Tears were streaming from her eyes as the clown tried to contort its face into ‘funny’ shapes. I approached the clown to get more information. The outfit covered the cutie mark, tail and mane, so I couldn’t tell whether or not she had any features of the murderer.

As I approached, the clown noticed me. In the middle of her balloon animal making, she bolted for the exit. I had to chase after her and catch her. She obviously knew something! Once out of the backyard, the chase led into the market place of Ponyville. She was fast and I was losing her. I was about to give up the chase when her costume started to fall apart.

Her red, rubber nose fell off, revealing that her coat was actually pure white. It wasn’t makeup. Her costume top and bottom separated to reveal wings, and her pants fell far enough down where I could see her cutie mark: three party balloons.

The clown flew away in a desperate attempt to hide her identity further. I had what I needed: A pony who could be mistaken for Pinkie Pie. But it wasn’t going to be that easy. She needed a motive. And if I couldn’t figure that out, I had no case.

I decided there was nothing left for me to investigate in Ponyville, so I headed back to Cantorlot to conduct some research on the clown I saw. Apparently her name was Surprise. She was always in Pinkie Pie’s shadow, never really getting hired for parties. Based on what I saw today, I don’t blame any pony. See ran her own party supplies business, too. So my idea of taking Pinkie’s popularity was correct. But something wasn’t adding up. Why would she indirectly kill Mr. Dirt to get rid of Pinkie Pie?

I caught myself yawning and checked the time. The sun had gone down and the moon was high in the sky. I couldn’t do anymore research today. I spent all day following one lead and I can’t even call in a witness, let alone declare that I found the murderer and to put her on the stand.

Can’t worry about it now. Rest is top priority now. For Pinkie’s sake, I need to be ready to end this tomorrow.

“Well, I hope both the prosecution and defense found extra evidence for their case,” the judge said.

Garnet and I agreed and we started up again. Back to the grind

“Mrs. Ore. I assume you have another witness for today’s proceedings?”

“No, Your Honor.” Every pony looked at her, shocked. It’s a risky move, but she’s got a plan. “I do have a crisis report from Ponyville. It depicts an incident I which caused several copies of the defendant to rampage through the city. It’s the perfect alibi: to be in a different place than where the murder occurred. And with the Mirror Pool, she was able to go through with it. The explanation of how the two Pinkie’s weren’t next to each other after Mr. Sentry’s chase is also in the report. Princess Twilight Sparkle was able to send all copies back into the Mirror Pool with a spell. She must have used the same spell to send the copy back to the pond.”

“Objection! How can you say something so baseline?! Where is your proof? Call any of the princesses to the stand, they’ll testify that didn’t happen.”

“Mr. Dice,” the judge butt in, “You of all people should know that the princesses are very busy and cannot be placed on the stand unless charges are brought against them.”

Tricky Garnet… She found a way of to make such a ridiculous claim, but I think I can disprove the theory.
“Mrs. Garnet. You say it really was a Pinkie Pie that was able to out run Mr. Sentry, correct?”
“Mr. Dice. You cannot prove your client’s speed is slower than the murderer. I’m sure you’ve seen her special talent of committing act unexplainable by natural sciences. She could easily have done the same thing in this case.”
“If she was able to do what you say, why would she allow herself to be spotted on and off by Mr. Sentry? Clearly some pony of same speed was seen and chased by Mr. Sentry. And the only pony to equal a Pegasus’s speed is another Pegasus.”
The crowd stated to murmur. This was good. Momentum is picking up for my cause.
“Mr. Dice,” the judge but in. “Your reasoning is sound that a Pegasus was in the chase, but there are several different questions that now need to be answered. If you cannot explain everyone, I will be forced to cast judgment.”
We are nearing the end. If I mess up here, the outcome is going to be ugly.
“If Mrs. Garnet truly doesn’t have any other witnesses or theories then the floor is yours Mr. Dice.”

“On that day, some pony was disguised as my client. Her disguise was able to cover her hooves so she didn’t leave hoof prints on the cannon. The murderer had previous knowledge of the party cannon, which explains how she knew how to fire it. This culprit also had to be a Pegasus, seeing as how she was able to run as fast as another Pegasus. Their porous bones, like a birds, provide for great aerodynamic feats. The fact that she was a Pegasus also explains how she lost Mr. Sentry. He thought he was chasing an Earth pony, so he wouldn’t have check twice to see if the murderer had flown away.
Now that the confusion’s out of the way, I can get to alternative motive of the other killer. She obviously wanted Pinkie Pie out of the way to obtain all control and profit of all birthday party celebrations. Ponyville doesn’t have a party store, so Ms. Pie has made it her destiny to supply the small town with some joy on a special occasion. So the motive was money based.”
“Don’t keep us waiting, Mr. Dice,” Garnet said in a snide voice. “With all of this information you have found who you think is the real killer right? Well put her on the stand.”
“Alright. Your Honor, the defense calls Ms. Surprise to the stand.”

In walked a white Pegasus with a white coat and golden hair. She was the spitting image of Pinkie Pie, but with wings. Once the crowd saw the resemblance, they realized I might actually have a valid case.

“Witness, please present your name and occupation.”

“Surprise!” She said with a giggle. “That’s my name. And I’m currently unemployed at the moment.”

“Try to get back on your hooves is so hard these days. I’m sorry,” the judge said empathetically. I knew she was lying though. I needed to show the web of lies crafted by sin that has surrounded this winged insect.

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ve got tons of money in the bank. I’m practically rich!”

The silent noise of every ponies mouths collectively dropping echoed through the court room. She’s lying just to disprove the motive I have set. I need to prove her wrong. And to do that, “I wish that statement to be included in the testimony.”

“Strange request, Mr. Dice.” Garnet said slyly. She knew where I was going with that. And she knew how to trip me up, too.

“Well then. Ms. Surprise. Please tell us about what happened in this lobby two days ago.”

“Yesterday, huh? Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t here that day. Apparently a murder happened. That’s tragic. Who would solve problems with cannons? I solve them with parties.”

I was sweating bullets. How in Equestria am I going to find a loop hole in that? She’s pleading shear innocence. Not cool.

“Mr. Dice. Your cross-examination…”

“R-right.” Here goes nothing. “So, where were you on the day of the murder, Ms. Surprise?”

“Objection! That does not concern the present case. That question has been answer in the testimony.”

“Objection! I need specifics, Mrs. Ore, and you can’t deprive this court room the truth.”

Surprise smile and answered, “It’s okay. I was in Ponyville, where I live.”

“What were you doing there?”

“Objection! Mr. Dice I’ve played your game for far too long. Either explain yourself to the court or stop asking questions that has no relevance to this case.”

I can come back to this kind of question after I prove she is involved with the case. “Fine. Witness, how did you know there was a murder here two days ago if you were in Ponyville?”

“Well, since Pinkie Pie was the murderer, how couldn’t the new travel to her home town? Every pony who knows her knows odds and ends to this case. Probably some more than you, Mr. Dice.” Insulting me? How cocky could you get, lying on the stand and mocking me? It’ll catch up to her some time.

“So you know my client, Pinkie Pie. Is that correct?”

“Well, duh! She’s Ponyville’s party pony! Every pony knows her. If you want a party, she’s your pony.”

“So, you say you’re quit wealthy. Why live in Ponyville?”

“Objection! Mr. Dice, the nerve.” Garnet almost sounded personally hurt. “Are you implying that ponies in Ponyville aren’t wealthy?”

“I’m just wondering how she made her money. After all, there aren’t many lucrative professions in Ponyville.”

“Objection! ‘Just wondering’ is not proving her to be a murderer.”

“It’s okay,” Surprise said again, “I inherited the money from my parents.”

You have GOT to be kidding me.

The judge interrupted, “Mr. Dice, I cannot see any progress in this. You are obviously wrong in accusing Ms. Surprise as the murderer.” No! It can’t end like this! She standing right there and I can’t seem to prove her guilty.

“What?! You think I killed Mr. Dirt? How rude. I’ll have you know I entertain children all day. Would someone like that be a killer?”

The court room started booing me. They said insulting things like, “He knows Pinkie’s guilty” and “He’s stalling for time.”

“OBJECTION!” I yelled above the crowd. Suddenly my voice was just as effective as a gavel. “The defense wishes that statement to be added to the testimony.”

“Overruled. Mr. Dice, what does that statement have anything to do with the murder?”

“Because Ms. Surprise has been lying this whole time.”

“That’s a heavy declaration. Can you back it up with evidence?”

“Now I can. It was only time until you slipped up, witness. And here’s the ‘Caution: Wet Floor Sign.’ Why would you entertain children all day if you are rich AND unemployed?”

The court room was silent. However, Surprise had an answer for everything. “It’s my destiny, Mr. Dice. I have a cutie mark for parties. I throw parties in Ponyville for free. Why do you still believe I’m the murderer?”

“You’re still lying, Ms. Surprise. And I can prove it.”

“What? I’m not lying!”

“You aren’t? Because the last time I checked, Pinkie Pie was the only pony throwing parties in Ponyville. You said it yourself, ‘If you want a party, she’s your pony.’” If you are trying to give free parties to little fillies then why wouldn’t you suggest your own business?”

Surprise shot a quick glare at me. “I’ll admit, my parties aren’t great, but they’re free.”

“That also doesn’t make sense. Why would some pony throw a party for free? You can say all day that you do it for the children, but I don’t buy it. There’s an alternative motive.”

“What more could I want besides the joy of children?” Surprise asked.

“Well, that money you earned from your parents couldn’t last forever, so you decided to get your name around while you could with the best price: free. Once your competition was out of the way you would be the monopoly of parties in Ponyville. You framed Pinkie Pie for the death of Mr. Dirt so the competition would be out of the picture. That’s why you are the real killer!”

The court room went silent. Had I done it? Did I get through to every pony?

The silence was interrupted by a familiar shout, “Objection!”

“Don’t tell me that’s you theory of a motive for my client. She holds no ill will towards Mr. Dirt like your client does. Why would she go through all of the trouble to kill him? Just to frame Ms. Pie? That’s almost laughably stupid.”

“My client held no ill will to Mr. Dirt, Ms. Ore. She was summoned by the murderer to be framed.”

“Oh, really? Where’s your proof, Mr. Dice?”

I didn’t have the note… Pinkie said she didn’t have the note… wait. No. She only said it didn’t have a return address. Could she have the vital piece of evidence still?

“Your Honor, the defense moves to hold a five minute recess.”

“Overruled. Mr. Dice, if you do not think you can continue this charade, I will be forced to pass my judgment. So, what is your answer?”

Without that letter I couldn’t prove anything. I stared down at my desk. I had to think of something! As I was thinking, something got caught in my mane. I pulled the projectile out to find it was a paper airplane. I looked around at the pony who threw it. Had some pony really tried to harass me so much as to degrade my mane with litter?

I don’t know what possessed me to unfold the airplane, but I did. When I read the inside I almost cried. It was the letter. Pinkie Pie must have tossed this to me.

“Your Honor, the defense can continue.” This is probably the strangest way to receive a piece of evidence, but let’s go for it! “The defense presents the letter in question as evidence!”

“No way!” Garnet yelled. “Objection! There is no way that’s the letter.”

“And how can’t it be? This requests one Pinkie Pie to throw a party for a Princess Twilight Sparkle after her trial.”

“Then we can assume the princess wrote the letter.”

“Objection! We can assume nothing! Only evidence provides an undeniable truth. And Princess Twilight Sparkle has claimed to have not written this letter. Now who else would have wanted Ms. Pie there with the murder weapon?”

The room went silent waiting for an answer from Garnet. After some time she shot a glare at me and gave an evil smirk. “I didn’t want to change the prosecutions motive of the defendant, but here we go. The prosecution would like to submit these copies of reports that match the defendants profile perfectly. Mr. Dirt had been working on these up until his death. As his predecessor it is my duty to pick up where he left off.”

No way. Well that explain how she got access to the files, but really?! Low blow…

“The prosecution believes that Ms. Pie knew that Mr. Dirt had taken the case up and was looking into a connection between the two. Her action of killing him proves her guilt!”

“Objection! These reports were submitted by an anonymous source. They are not creditable.” Wait. An anonymous report, an anonymous letter, and both trying to frame Pinkie Pie.

“Objection,” Garnet broke in. “They are highly creditable. Mr. Dirt would not have found leads on the cases if they were false reports.”

“What leads did he find on them?”

“Well, that the murderer of the fillies was located in Ponyville and matched several features as the defendant. The same goes for the death of the elderly mare.”

“So the culprit ‘looked’ like Ms. Pie.”

“What are you…? Mr. Dice, no!”

“Too late! If we are talking about physical features, both Ms. Pie and Ms. Surprise are to be brought into question! And, spoiler: I already checked the basement of Sugar Cube Corner. There were no machines to grind little pony flesh as depicted in the report details.”

It all makes sense now. Pinkie really didn’t kill any pony. All of the deaths were Surprise!

“Your Honor, the report obviously says ’a pink earth pony.’ Ms. Surprise is a white Pegasus.”

“Objection! Ms. Surprise was obviously the one to submit the report. She was the one to use an identical pony to steer Mr. Dirt off her flank and to make sure Ms. Pie went down in flames, she made it look like Ms. Pie was to one who killed Mr. Dirt.”

The room went silent. I looked at every pony’s face to see they were staring at the witness stand. When I decided to add my gaze, I found a very red faced Pegasus grinding her teeth.

In a hushed whisper, she said “Is that what you think of me, Mr. Dice? A murderer?” And then, in a sudden scream, “Where’s your proof?!”

All I needed was cold-hard, solid evidence against her. But what was there really? No hoof prints, the letter couldn’t incriminate her, just because she had the same job as Pinkie Pie doesn’t make her guilty of murderer, her being a Pegasus means she could keep pace with Flash Sentry, but doesn’t necessarily mean she did. Everything I had looked into was to question Surprise’s innocence, not prove she killed some pony. But there had to be something, anything to prove she killed Mr. Dirt!

Seeing me panicked, Surprise took the chance to gloat. “Looks like Pinkie Pie really did kill Mr. Dirt, along with those small innocent fillies and poor elderly mare. Justice shall now be served.”

That’s it. There’s my chance. “Objection!” The crowd turned towards me, shocked. I could change everything right now.

“Mr. Dice, honestly. You have one chance to prove Ms. Surprise is guilty before I cast my verdict.”

Last ditch effort for my last chance. “Ms. Surprise, how did you know about the elderly mare’s death? If I recall, it hasn’t yet been brought up in court today.”

Surprise’s eyes went wide. She knew she had said too much. “W-well. I heard about it in Ponyville.”

“Actually, I’ve talked to several ponies in Ponyville. Rumor has it that she died of natural causes. However, you claim she was killed. There’s only one way you could know that…”

“NO!” She screamed.

“You had killed her through a prank, you kill fillies and but their flesh into cupcakes, and you killed Mr. Dirt and blamed Pinkie Pie to get off scot free!”

All that could be heard was a low “Grr” from Surprise. There rest of the ponies were silent.

She finally spoke. “You! Red pony, do something!”

All Garnet did was give her that crooked smile and replied, “I’m sorry. Last time I checked I wasn’t a defense attorney for guilty ponies. Well done, Mr. Dice.”

“Well, I think that’s enough excitement for one day,” the judge announced. I’d say enough for a week! Two cases in four days? I better get a good vacation after this. Surprise had been taken into custody for the several murder charges. She’d be spending a long time in prison.

“The defense can give its closing statement and explanation of what really happened for the record.”

“Yes, Your Honor. Ms. Surprise had been a serial killer for some time now. The mysterious disappearances of fillies caused only the greatest prosecutor to pick up the case. He was able to link two cases together successful. However, he believed too much into the false report Ms. Surprise had given him. This allowed Ms. Surprise to frame Ms. Pie even further by killing Mr. Dirt with her party cannon. She was able to kill Mr. Dirt with a condensed confetti cannon ball, which is explained by the fact that she runs a party supply service just as Ms. Pie. This also explains how she knew the cannon had no fuse, but was activated by pressure. Finally, she escaped hoof print exposure by covering her hoofs with a disguise. Being in the party business, and even witnessed in a clown costume, a convincing Pinkie Pie costume wasn’t out of the question. This explains what Mr. Sentry thought he saw. Finally, she was able to fly away, a skill Ms. Pie doesn’t have, and was able to escape arrest. The perfect crime.”

“Thank you for explaining all of that. Now then, this court finds Ms. Pinkie Pie, Not Guilty!” And with a slam of his gavel, it was all over.
Afterwards, Princess Celestia offered to hire me as the royal defense attorney. I would be called on whenever one of her subjects were brought to court. I wouldn’t be able to take any other cases except hers. I was flattered, but I could accept. Through these two trials, I felt like I was dragged through Tartarus and back. I assured her I would remain a defense attorney and that she could call on me for any favor.
I thought these two murderer cases were outliers to the several years of piece. I chucked them in with the other disasters that the Elements of Harmony had solved. However, there’s no rest for the wicked.

Author's Notes:

Planned to make a third chapter, but college, no time, and no interest. Sorry if you got involved and enjoyed, but as of now this is where it ends.