> A Long Life
>  by pertelote345
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> A Drink With a Friend
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Applejack


I reckon' drinking alone in a cemetery is one of the saddest things a pony can do. 

Fortunately I had Princess Celestia with me.

"You know," I said, leaning back against a certain ancient oak tree and brushing the grey hair out of my eyes. "I have to admit, I feel right foolish sitting here moping when you've probably gone through this nonsense a thousand times over by now." I took a swig from my flask. It was good stuff, old style Apple Family brand cider. It was made from the few trees we'd managed to hold onto from the original Sweet Apple Acres.

I offered the flask to the princess and she took it with thanks, gulping down enough cider to make even an Apple proud. She shook her head. "Never feel that way Applejack. Pain over loss is not foolish, no matter how distant the loss may be."

I looked out over the crest of the hill, down at the Ponyville skyline. I wondered if back in the day Granny Smith felt the little village with the thatched roof houses seemed colossal and wrong. Don't get me wrong, there were skyscrapers back in my day, I just never expected them to move in so close so fast... well, Earth Pony fast.

"I always wonder," said Celestia suddenly, lowering the flask, "Should I be especially avoiding befriending Earth Ponies? Or actively seeking them out as confidants."

I raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

The princess stared at her hooves. "Flight and magic are flashy, you would think as alicorns they would be what defined us." The princess continued, "But Immortality is the alicorn power that is hardest for ponies to comprehend and the longevity of earth ponies helps them understand us just a little bit more..." She took another swig. "Plus... We remember more of the same ponies."

I rolled my eyes. Celly, as I dared to call her in my head these last few years, got a mite introspective when she'd had a few.

Unfortunately so did I. "I can't say I see what the conundrum is." I replied, taking back the flask. "Friends are good. Befriend as many earth ponies you want. If you feel more comfortable with them, all the better."

She shook her head. "If I did that I'd spend every second surrounded by old fogies... We have to remember that we are leaders of a whole society, not just its ancient roots. Plus, it is wise to listen to the young from time to time."

I nodded. "I admit, I've bumped into more than a few good kids, not the least of which are the new team members... And I ain't got nothin' against unicorns and pegasi" I turned to look at the headstones. "I can think of a few in particular I'd like to chat with."

The headstones were surprisingly simple, given how much the ponies beneath them had done for the world. Fluttershy had started the trend. In her will she'd asked to be buried quietly on a hilltop under an old oak tree, nothing fancy, just her and a nice home for her animal friends beside her. 

All the rest had followed suit, even Dash, who at the time I would have sworn would have wanted a statue the size of Canterlot tower built with an attached Mausoleum/Racing track, but I suppose she cared so much about Flutters she'd changed her mind. I could still see that look on her face..."

I shook myself. Everyone had their time. In another century or two I'd have mine.

"I still feel cheated out of Twilight." I muttered.

Princess Celestia lowered her head. "As do I."

I took another swig. We were running low. "Seriously, a miss-fired spell? That girl miss-fired spells every dang week!"

"Being a mage is a dangerous profession." Celestia said lamely.

I sighed. We'd had this conversation a hundred times. "I know, I know... Most of the time how a pony dies ain't really that important, it's how they lived that matters." I'd spent more than my fair share of time reciting that mantra... I liked to pretend it made me feel better.

"I just wish she was here." I said finally.

There was a sudden pop of magic and Twilight Sparkle burst back into existence in front of me.

My heart gave out.
> 160 years ago.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Twilight Sparkle

"Oh stop worrying so much Spike!" I said, triple checking my calculations. "This is a tiny, simple spell and I've used time travel magic before."

The dragon winced.

I sighed. "Okay,  so my past experience didn't end all that well, but even then no one was hurt. And the time line corrected itself so there doesn't seem to be much of a chance of paradox occurring."

The little dragon didn't look convinced. "That was going backwards in time." Spike noted. "You've never gone forwards in time before."

I considered explaining to Spike that I went forward in time every day at a rate of one second per second, but realized that that wouldn't be very reassuring.

Instead I put my hoof on his shoulder. "Spike, I've triple checked the calculations. I'm only going 16 seconds into the future. It's an infinitesimal amount of magic energy. Sweetie Bell could do this spell."

His eyes bulged. I could practically see the visions of terror the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Time Travelers' would cause.

I wasn't batting a thousand on comforting speeches today.

"Look," I said, trying a different tactic entirely. "I know you get nervous when I test new spells, but I'm the Alicorn Princess of Friendship, I've done way more dangerous things before... and not always for such noble reasons."

He raised an eyebrow. "Noble reasons? You're just testing the spell because you thought it was interesting!"

I shook my head. I needed to explain this more carefully. I looked around my study for a good example. In the old library I would have had it in seconds, but the new castle was still confusing. I settled on a candle from the desk. "Spike do you know what this is?"

He blinked. "Uh... A candle?"

"This," I continued, "Is an innovation. There was a time when the only light non magical ponies had at night was Luna's starlight. Then came fires, But they were dangerous, too difficult to control and too smoky to use in confined areas. Eventually somepony very smart realized that wax could fuel and contain a small fire at the same time, it lit up classrooms and art studios..."

"Late night pubs?" Spike suggested.

I rolled my eyes. "Look, the point is, understanding the world helps us to make things that make the world a better place. To do things we could never do, and even do things that we could do before better! Candles look like they're on the way out, soon to be replaced completely by those new, more efficient light bulbs. They've already taken over Manehatten and I think Ponyville will be wired up pretty soon too."

I stood up tall. "But leaps forward like that don't occur without ponies like me working to discover them. The future is going to be a better place Spike, but not because we sat around doing nothing. Tomorrow will be brighter because we were here to make it so!"

Spike paused. He looked utterly astounded. "Wow... That was really rehearsed."

I blushed. Okay, so maybe I'd written that out a few times.

"Look," I said, "The test is safe."

The dragon shrugged. "Humor me." He said. He went over to the nearest window and started rooting around in the gutter.

I tilted my head, confused. "Spike, what are you doing?"

"Getting you a better test subject than yourself." He produced a leaf encrusted acorn and plopped it on the floor. "You want to send something 16 seconds forward in time? Go right ahead. It's even alive if that's important."

I blinked. "I... I guess that could work. I... I actually don't know why I didn't think of it."

The dragon shrugged. "As an added bonus you get to hang out with me for an extra 16 seconds of my awesome life."

I rolled my eyes. "Rainbow Dash is a terrible influence on you. Do you have the stopwatch ready to check my calculations."

He held it up.

I smiled. "Alright then, let's get started..."

> Star Fire
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Star Fire

"I'm only going to say this one more time..." I spat at the receptionist. "Let. Me. In!"

I had stared down Chimeras with that line. The receptionist didn't even blink. "Ma'am," He said, frighteningly calmly, "You are not officially family, and visiting hours are over. I'm afraid I can't let you in."

I ground my teeth. I felt a surge of magic in my horn. "Listen to me you miserable, chunky horse-apple. My best friend just had a heart attack. If you don't open that stupid door right now, I'm going to open your-"

A griffon's claw rested on my shoulder.

I turned around to see Derick. Apparently he was the second to show up. Considering that I was two blocks away when I heard the news, I had to admit he was living up to his title.

"Star, this isn't going to help AJ." He said. "Why don't you come with me? The Princess wants to talk to us both."

I let out a breath. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I followed him out through the hospital waiting room. I made sure to shoot that receptionist a good old fashioned death glare before we turned the corner.

I wasn't sure what I was worried about. AJ'd survived two centuries of combat missions. The old bird would outlive all of us. Tartarus, I'd wager she'd even outlive Pinkie if that coot didn't stop guzzling frosting. She'd be fine... yeah...

I followed Derick's bobbing lion tail through a few administrative hallways. This time security actually recognized us. They weren't hospital rent-a-cops either, they were royal guard decked out in kevlar and chain. Celestia must have called them in to make sure Slice didn't make a run at AJ while she was down. It was a smart move... of course, a smarter move would be to have someone even more qualified on guard duty, like, say, the Elements of freaking Harmony, AKA us.

I swear, Princess or not, if Celestia didn't give me a damn good reason for why she was dragging us away from our friend in her hour of need I was going to kick her divine teeth in.

"Where the buck is everyone else?" I asked, brushing past.

He sighed and turned down the next hallway. "Chell's with Spike on patrol near Manehatten. Pinkie's at her weekly checkup in the Crystal Empire. As for the other princesses, Luna and Cadence are at Rainbow Falls for the Traders Exchange. Last I heard, Discord was still in Appleoosa."

I groaned. "We should never have let ourselves get so spread out... Wait a minute, why mention the other princesses and Discord?"

He held up his ID badge for the uniformed soldier guarding the next hallway. "Because apparently every single one of them is hightailing it here."

My eyes went wide. "That does not sound good... Why are they all coming to ponyville?"

He pointed a claw to a steel security door behind four armed guards. "Honestly? I have no idea, but the answer is in that room."

Oh...

We swallowed, nodded to the guards, and walked in.


#


Meetings with princess Celestia ranged from serious, formal discussions of national security to cake tastings and pillow fights, so I'd come to see the pony who raised the sun in a much more informal way than most. She had this veneer of a calm tight-wad when she deigned to put it on, but underneath she was upbeat, fun loving, and a little bit devious. In short she was an actual pony.

But I had never seen her like this before. It was weird, it was like her gears were constantly turning. And... Like... Ah pony feathers, I'm no good at describing this stuff. She was ecstatic and miserable at the same time, that'll have to do.

She was sitting on a big pillow and she had her wing around some purple unicorn mare in a blanket. Considering the door I was surprised to find we weren't in a conference room or some holding cell for crazy people... we were in the hospital's daycare room. There was some muted silly cartoon playing on a little TV, a pile of stuffies and blocks in the corner, and cheerful murals on the walls. There was also a pile of food scattered on a picnic blanket on the floor, all untouched save for a single mug of hot tea which the unicorn clutched shakily in a purple magic aura. She was staring off into space in shock.

Derrick recovered first. He gave a firm salute. "Elements of Kindness and Loyalty reporting for duty your majesty. What can we do to help?"

To my surprise, the unicorn mare looked up at us. "Wait, what? Who are you? Where are Dash and..." Some sort of realization hit her. Her tea clattered to the ground and she started sobbing... From the looks of her face she'd been doing that a lot.

Derrick, being Derrick, instantly went down on his knees and offered the girl a tissue. "Hey, shh... it's okay. We specialize in fixing scary things and making the world better. Just let us know what the problem is and..."

"I know what the problem is." Said Celestia.

We turned to look at her.

"Her spell worked too well." Celestia said with a hollow ache in her voice. She slipped the blanket off. The unicorn had wings!

"May I introduce to you Twilight Sparkle, 6th and final Element of Harmony... Princess of Friendship... The faithful student I thought forever lost."

My jaw dropped. A thousand questions whizzed through my head.  Twilight Sparkle was dead! Over a century dead. I'd heard a bit about her, but only from old fogies like AJ and some history books I half paid attention to. We couldn't find friendship because she was what, hiding? What the...?

I tried to complete the next thought, but all my brain was giving me was white noise.

Derrick was in a similar state, but he recovered a hair more quickly. "This..." he said. "This is actually good..." His eyes lit up, "Like, really good!"

Right on cue, the TV flickered and all the lights went out. I heard a distant scream.

Now this was bad. Like, really bad.


> A Dream and a Nightmare
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 4


Apple Jack

Granny Smith smothered my slice of warm cinnamon apple pie with whipped cream and I dug into it so fast, Pinkie would be surprised.

Granny chuckled and put a stack of pancakes down on the Kitchen table. "I swear that appetite of yours never ceases to amaze me."

Off in the corner, Star Fire and Rainbow Dash were playing that race car game on their console. Dash crashed her little buggy into a cartoon tree and stared in disbelief as Star swooped across the finish line. Star got that smug little smirk of hers and Dash threw down the controller. "This thing is so rigged!"

Star flicked her red mane back and rolled her eyes. "Yeah right!"

Derrick came down the stairs with Big Mac in tow. The two shared a brief, adorable kiss before sitting down and tucking into some pancakes.

"You two sleep okay?" I asked through a mouthful of crumbly heaven.

Mac smiled "Y'all are assuming we slept."

Derrick blushed.

I giggled. Those two were perfect for each other. "Say, where's Fluttershy?"

"Over here AJ!" came a soft, beautiful voice. Fluttershy waved goodbye to a trio of bees who flew off through the window and into the sunny orchard.

"Pollination going okay?" I asked.

The yellow pegasus nodded. "Even better than last year!"

"Oh I've always loved bees!" Said Rarity from across the table, daintily eating a single pancake. "They're so color coordinated! I wonder if black and yellow could be a new line..."

I rolled my eyes, but I had a smile on my face when I did it.

There was a knock on the door. 

I bounced off to open the old farmhouse door. A blue alicorn mare stood there, looking grim.

I blinked. "Princess Luna?"

She lowered her head. "I'm sorry Apple Jack, but you're in danger. You need to wake up. Now."

That said, she smacked me in the face.


#


My eyes shot open. I was in a hospital room, it was dark... No it was red. Emergency lights?

A pegasus mare in a lab coat was standing over me in shock. "Y-you were sedated!"

I propped myself up and shook out my hair, "Divine intervention, literally." I hopped off the bed. "Y'all have my affects?"

The mare sputtered, "Miss Apple Jack, you just had a myocardial infarction! You're in no condition to be out of bed! And in any case we're evacuating the hospital, we need to get you out of here."

I opened up the plastic baggie next to the bed. "Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you... Well not the heart attack part." I tied back my hair and snapped on my belt. I slipped a clip into my Colt 1911 and clicked it to my foreleg.

Her eyes went wide. "You were carrying a gun!?"

I shushed her and put in my earpiece. "Star Fire, Derrick, you  read?"

"AJ?" Star Fire's voice crackled in my ear. "Thank Celestia you're awake. Are you mobile?"

"Yeah," I said glancing down the hallways and checking the corners. "Luna gave me a boost. Is someone going to tell me what the hay is going on?"

"Slice is here." The young marine continued, "We think he's here to finish what the heart attack started. We're holed up in a fortified room with Celestia and... and your old friend, Twilight. Did I mention she's alive."

Holy horseapples, I wasn't seeing things.

"AJ? APPLE JACK?!"

I shook myself. "Is she safe?"

"The room is armored and warded, but she's- hey!" There was a hiss of static. 

"Apple Jack? Apple Jack!? Is that you?" Asked a ghost.

I staggered back... a thousand memories came rushing in. She was dead. I had no Idea what to say, what to do. 

"H-hi Twi." I managed. 

She sniffled.  "It is so good to hear your voice! I-"

The roof exploded.

My reflexes kicked in. I tackled the pegasus doctor and we rolled out of the room in a feathery mess. Screams filled the halls as the last few patient stagglers and their doctors fled as fast as they could. I swung my forelegs around and aimed my pistol down the hole. The sunlight pouring in was almost cheerful... but what came through sure as hay wasn't.

The unicorn was not physically imposing. He was thin with a tawny yellow coat. He wore nothing but some thin brown saddle bags and a pair of glasses. Even his expression was neutral.

He floated to the ground in a haze of magical energy, setting himself easily on his hooves. "Apple Jack," He said, perfectly serene. "Your time has come."

The saddle bags opened and a flurry of knives poured out. 

I grabbed the doctor and yanked us to the side. Blades slammed themselves into the walls behind us. I crouched down, aimed and fired off a shot. The bullet bounced right off his dang magical shield, but it made him blink, which gave me just enough time to grab that poor doctor by the tail and jump into the next room.

I slammed the door behind us and wheeled on the mare.  "Fly!" I shouted.

Her eyes were glazed over. 

Aw Tarnation... I slapped her. "Leave! Window! Now!"

She shook herself, got off the floor and left.

Which was a darn good thing because it took all of two seconds for Slice to rip the door off its hinges.

Now, when you've lived as long as I have, you pick up a few things, including some elementary physics.

One of my favorite things in physics? The equation Force = Mass X Acceleration.

A bullet does a lot of damage because it moves real fast, giving it a lot of force despite its small size, but there's more than one way to make an apple pie, and the mass part of that equation is very relevant. 

I weigh about 880 pounds. When Slice stepped through the door and I brought my hooves down on his skull, he was in a mess of trouble.

His shield shattered from the force of the blow and his eyes went wide, but the bastard was too quick. He teleported behind me to escape. Bad move. 

I kicked him through the wall. Literally. He smashed right through the plaster and and boards and ended up on his back using a dented filing cabinet in the adjoining office as a pillow. 

Wasting no time to admire the decor, I swung around and opened fire, putting bullet after bullet right between his eyes. 

His shield flickered as they bounced off his skull. He was unimpressed.

He lifted me into the air with telekinetic force. I reached for another clip, but he ripped it from my teeth. His expression was empty, completely and totally empty.

A pressure built around my throat. I couldn't... Breathe...

"Shh..." Slice whispered, his voice so very calm. "You have lived a long and painful life Apple Jack, but that's over now. There's no need for pain."

My vision blurred. I struggled against his grasp. I needed to...

"Shh..." Slice continued, He looked almost sad. "It's alright. I know how tired you are." He took my gun and eyed the well worn grip. "All those decades of suffering." He said. 
My vision went from blurry to dark. 

I could barely make out the stallion smiling. "Now you finally get to res-"

An enormous purple beam of magic blasted him out of the office sending splinters of flaming wood flying everywhere. I fell gasping to the ground. 

Standing at the door to the office, horn smoking red,  was a certain twitching purple Alicorn. 

"I have no idea who you are..." Twilight began. "But I am having a very bad day and YOU ARE NOT VERY NICE!!!!"

The stallion, barely visible through the pile of smoking rubble twitched, but made no effort to escape.

Star Fire and Celestia poked their heads in the door. 

"Dang," Said Star, eyeing the charred remains of a desk. "She grows on you quick."

"Quickly" Celestia corrected, "And yes, she does."




	
	
	
> A Griffon and a Princess in a Limosine
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 5


Derrick


Sometimes people tell me that I have a knight in shining armor complex. Maybe they're right, but from the inside it's always felt a bit more like Grandma Rubenstein was looking over my shoulder, quietly judging my actions. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother, when I first started talking about how cute Bird Pitt was she didn't bat an eye, but she had this scary psychic power to bring all of your insecurities right to the surface.

I should have been happy. On the general score-board of life, today had been fantastic. We'd recovered a lost Alicorn, we'd locked up a majorly dangerous criminal, and a bunch of my friends were coming back into town. Heck, I was in the back of a limo!

But in the limo with me was miserable, frightened pony staring at every building like it was going to try to eat her. 

I twiddled my claws. I wanted to help her, but... Okay so I knew how, it was just going to be really slow.

I cleared my throat. "So... You like books?"

She blinked at me. Truly I was a master councilor.

I sighed. Time to take a leaf out of AJ's book and do the brutal honesty thing. 

"Look," I began. "This sucks, I can't even imagine how crazy this must be for you, but you've gotta know we're going to do whatever we can to help."

She nodded... Then just looked back out the window.

I cringed. Okay, so being AJ apparently only worked when you were actually AJ. Unfortunately the real AJ had been in rather rough shape after the fight. Her condition wasn't critical, so we weren't all crowded around her, but the doctor who was taking care of her had had something of a maniacal gleam in her eye when she carted her off. 

And then something genuinely intelligent occurred to me. "So..." I began, "Is there anything you actually want to talk about?"

She turned to me. "Where are we?"

I blinked. "Uh... Ponyville."

"What happened to...?" She shook her head. "I guess that's a dumb question."

I looked out at the nearest skyscraper and pondered my history. If AJ was any indication this place used to be tiny. Heck she claimed she used to be a Farmer. Produce company or no, I still wasn't sure I believed her about that.

"It's still a great place though," I provided lamely. "We've got great schools, a low crime rate, the best candy store on the planet... Heh... Time travel didn't stop Ponyville from being awes-."

Twilight snapped her head around. "What was that last part?!"

I blinked. "Uh... the candy store?"

"No, time travel!" Her face lit up. "All I have to do is-"

The limo started to shake. The thaum counter in my belt started beeping like crazy.

So, I'm not a special forces operative like AJ or Star Fire. But you don't stay an Element of Harmony for very long without picking up a few things.

My gun was in my claw in a second and I slammed the intercom. "Inbound magical threat! We need-"

A violent crackle came from in front of us and the car filled with blinding purple light.

A second Twilight Sparkle appeared in front of us. 

"HYACINTHE!" the new Twilight Cried. 

I froze. She knew the day's passcode? So she wasn't a changeling...

The original Twilight opened her mouth, only to have it snapped shut by a purple telekinetic aura.

"Shut. Up." The new Twilight said. "There is no time. As far as I can tell, Star Swirl's time travel spells come in two forms, short term reverse and long term fast forward. I'm not saying it's impossible for you to find a way to go back to that day with Spike, I'm just saying I've been here a year and I haven't found it yet. If you want a head start on your research into the subject, go to the Clover the Clever archives in the University of Canterlot and ask for Prism, she'll point you in the right direction."

"And one more thing!" she continued, "Be nice to Derrick! He's a really cool guy, there's a lot of people here who are."

That said, she pushed my gun aside (I barely even remembered I was holding it and gave me a big hug.

"Sorry I'm being so poopy right now. It's been a long day. Make sure you keep a paperclip on you, okay?"

"I... I couldn't blame you?" I ventured.

She hugged tighter. "Never change."

That said she vanished.

I touched the intercom. "False alarm... at least I'm pretty sure."

Twilight somehow managed to look even more haunted. "A year?"
	

	
> The Surgeon
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Slice


The cage didn't keep out the voices.

The guards had locked my hooves together and put an inhibitor on my horn. Then they'd sealed me in the back of an armored car covered in anti-magic runes... It wasn't enough.

Why won't she love me?

What if he finds out about the drugs? Why can't I just stop...

Please, please don't come home. I still can't feel it...

There were millions of others.

The strange purple princess that attacked me... She was in a lot of pain.

She was powerful. Very powerful. She had stopped me before I could end Apple Jack's suffering. Didn't she see what I was trying to do?

I sighed. It was understandable. So few understood. They just heard their own problems. I heard everything.

It was alright though. I'd done what I truly meant to do. That poor old woman would be at peace soon.

All I had to do was wait for them to cart me off to Tartarus. 

There I would find what I needed.

There I could stop the voices.

And all the world's suffering would end.
> The Dragon's Wife
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chell

As we burnt alive while hurtling through the sky I wondered if I'd really thought this whole "Marriage" thing through.

Oh I loved Spike dearly, but I wondered if his girlfriend might have been allowed to take... oh say, the bullet train, or walked, or maybe been flung out of a giant slingshot to get back to the city. You know, something more comfortable than his improvised teleportation.

I know, I know, I'm a terrible changeling, but I'd felt the flesh boiling in my exoskeleton three times today and it was getting somewhat old.

Mind you, he hadn't precisely asked me to come with him... It's just that while Emily Posting hadn't had a chapter on resurrections in the family it seemed quite improper to not attend.

Besides, it would be cowardly of me to not meet my mother in-law. My mother in-law who had apparently survived being thrown through a mountain... My mother in law who had just taken down an international terrorist we had been able to so much as scratch... My mother in-law who's last exposure to a changeling had been in The False Wedding Uprising... 

Somehow I managed to feel a chill while burning.

There really was nothing for it. He'd just looked so broken when he read that scroll. His roiling emotions had nearly knocked me off my hooves.

I guess it didn't matter what any of us said.

After the truly bizarre sensation of re-forming from ash (How did phoenixes do it?) we appeared on the outskirts of Ponyville. I'd never been more happy to see the Apple building.

We were greeted with the usual oohs and ahhs of Pegasus tourists snapping photos as we materialized. To his credit, Spike immediately turned his head around and asked "You okay sweetie?".

I waved a hoof weakly. "I'm just fine dear. Please keep your eyes on the sky."

He nodded and turned away. I clung to the saddle as his massive leathery wings beat furiously at the air. I was seriously considering giving him a lecture on speeding when suddenly he stopped... just hovering there.

"Chell..." he said in a very soft voice. "What am I supposed to say to her?"

Please don't murder my spouse...? I shook myself. Today was not about me.

I put my head down and nuzzled his scales. "If anything you've told me about that mare is true she will want nothing but to hold you tight and I will have to pry her off with a crowbar if I ever want to have a moment alone with you again. You don't need to say anything at all."

"But..." he said. "I gave up."

I undid my seatbelt and fluttered over to his head. "Spike. There was nothing you could have learned from that acorn. It was just a nut. If as powerful a sorcerer as you couldn't bring her back in three decades of intensive research, then nothing could."

He narrowed his eyes.

I winced. "Okay, granted, something did, but there was no possible way you could have known that." I smiled. "Besides, it would have been downright cruel to leave Rarity waiting... and me."

That said. I gave him a peck on the cheek.

Say what you will about puppies and kittens. There is nothing more adorable than a blushing dragon.

He took in a deep breath, then let it out. I angled to avoid the gust. "Okay, I just need a plan..." He started flapping slowly into the city and I buzzed after him.

He cleared his throat. "Step one: Give her a hug that does not crush her."

I nodded. "Very important."

"Step two: Tell her how much I love her and how glad I am that she's back."

I fluttered on to his head and gave him a pat. "Now your getting the hang of it."

"Step Three... apologize for letting her do that stupid spell."

I frowned. "Spike you tried to stop her."

He shook his head. "Not hard enough."

I groaned. "I sincerely hope that when Twilight forgives you for something you didn't do you'll finally give it a rest. Self pity really doesn't suit you."

He was quiet for a moment.

We drifted by a sky scraper and my husband winced at his four story reflection. "Do you think she'll be scared of me?"

I flew over to his head and gave his crest a rub, "Spike everyone in Ponyville has seen you as their gentle protector for over a hundred years. If they aren't scared of you, someone who raised you from diapers certainly won't be."

He smiled. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but it couldn't have been enough."

I lounged against his warm scales. "Well I am the element of generosity... I suppose you got a good deal."

I was just about to see if I could get him purring (I lied earlier, purring dragons are even cuter) When a I explosion rocked the sky. I shielded my eyes as a prismatic fireball that made the sun look dim burned its way into my retinas. 

Spike shielded us with a wing and steadied himself against a building. I held on to his crest for dear life.. "What's going on!?" I cried "Is it another attack?!"

Spike lowered his wing and we stared up at the sky.

The after-image of a certain pink pony was painted in the sky.

"No," Spike whispered. 

	

	
> Laughter
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Pink-


HEY! And not the kind you eat, but the kind that stops you from distracting me from giving my friend all the love she missed while she was all timey-wimey history displaced! 


But...


Butts are for sitting and mooning! Now stop this whole distracting story business and help me party! Less introductions, more cake!


Um...


_!_!_!_!_!_


|  *     *     * |


__|_________|__


|  *       *      *     *  |


__|_______________|__


|    Welcome Back Twi!    |


|___________________|


Better!
> Back on Her Hooves
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Apple Jack


I woke up bleary eyed and sick, Ah my old friend anesthetic...
Granted the stuff had saved who knows how many people from a pointless surgical death, but you couldn't say much for the side effects.
I processed it quickly though. High metabolism... not as high as when I was younger, but still.
I blinked blearily and managed to raise my head a little. 
"Apple Jack?" came a voice.
I turned my head and was very surprised to see Princess Luna.
A small mountain of stuffed animals, get well cards and candy sat next to her. I was impressed. Probably half of it came from Pinkie Pie, but still.
The Night Princess on the other hand was sitting in a small hospital chair underneath a TV as old as I was reading a magazine as old as she was. She put the magazine down and walked over to me.
I forced my tounge to work. "C'n I get the details about Slice, Twilight, and me in that order?"
She nodded. "Slice was apprehended and is being transported to Tartarus. Twilight is safe, after a brief encounter with... what appeared to be herself from a year in the future..."
I heard the heart monitor tick up a notch.
"...who had little to say to her aside from more details on the nature of time travel which we'll have to take some time to parse out. She then encountered a very, very large welcoming party for her set up by Pinkie Pie." She winced, "Personally I'm not sure throwing a raucous party for a pony who'd gone through so much recently was the most well thought out act the element of laughter has ever performed."
I nodded. I'd have to have a talk with her about that...
"And as for you," Luna continued, "you broke a rib and punctured your lung left. Even with the adrenal boost I'm surprised you could move, let alone fight. You also have a very nasty bruise around your neck..." She looked off for a moment.
With a tremendous effort of will I reached out a hoof and gave her a pat. "You did good."
She smiled softly. "I'm sorry I interrupted the dream though. It seemed like a nice one."
I sighed. "Yeah, it was... Pretty weird though."
"Do you really think Derrick and Big Macintosh would make a good couple?" she asked.
I groaned. "There's a special level of Tartarus for shippers."
She smirked. "Still..."
I shook my head, which was a mistake. Once my vision cleared again I continued. "Look, my subconscious thinks up weird stuff sometimes. I love both those boys, but I don't think it would work between 'em. The age difference..."
"Chell and Spike make it work." Luna noted.
"That's because that dragon is a hopeless romantic. Now can you help me off this bed? If we keep this up poor Cadence will be out of a job."
The princess of the night winced. "As much as I'd like to see the aftermath of Twilight's Party I'm not sure you moving would be wise. The doctors said-" 
"Doctors say a lot of things, if I leave this bed am I going to buy the farm?"
"You've bought many farms." She replied.
"Ha Ha, you know what I mean."
She looked off to the side. "It would be highly unlikely for you to die from the wounds you received today..."
I was already picking myself up.
"However your heart is another matter."
I stopped. "What do you mean?"
She levitated over my chart. "Your attack could indicate serious heart disease."
I scanned the chart. "This here says that I suffered a 'mild attack with limited heart damage'. I'm no doctor, but that doesn't sound too bad to me." I hauled myself over to the side of the bed
Luna narrowed her eyes. "Applejack there is no such thing as a 'mild' heart attack."
"Well then, I guess them doctors need to go back to- agh!"  Pain shot through my side as my hooves hit the ground.
Luna was at my side in an instant. "NURSE! IN HERE NOW!" She bellowed.
I waved her off frantically. "I'm fine!"
"Thou dost not seem fine! Thou art clearly affrighted once more! Get thee to bed!"
Three nurses poured into the room with an intern and a crash cart.
"My rib hurt okay!" I shouted, backing into the bead and throwing my forehoves out. "No attack! No nothing! My rib hurt and I wasn't ready for it! I'm fine!"
The doctors paused.
Luna's horn glowed for a moment and I felt a tingle as she scanned me. She let out a breath, "She speaks the truth. Please return to your rounds."
The confused hospital staff backed slowly out of the room, their cart creaking away.
Once they were gone, I put a hoof on her shoulder. "You alright sugarcube?"
She shivered. "I'm sorry... I just don't... I don't want to lose you. We've all lost far too much." 
She pulled me into a hug. I returned it as best I could manage. "For a moment I thought I'd killed you..." She whispered.
I hugged her tight. Ribs be damned. "You saved my life Luna, just like you've done I reckon... heck, I've lost count. I ain't plannin' on going anywhere, especially not with Twi back."
She shook her head. "No one plans... well I guess they do but-"
I held up a hoof. "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'll cut out all the butter and you can pick me a live-in nurse, but I've already got a clinic in the Apple building and a paranoid bunch of body guards. More importantly I've got a friend who I haven't seen in a century and a half there." I looked down. "I've wasted enough of my life in hospitals..."
She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Very well." She said finally.
That said, she enveloped us in the blue light of her magic and in a flash we vanished.


#



Apple Jack


To my surprise, we reappeared on the broad, flat top of the Apple Building. 
Lying there, passed out on his back was Spike, wearing a massive, somewhat tussled party hat. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust but when they did I noticed Pinkie pie, Twilight, and to my extreme shock Celestia all lying on his enourmous belly using his left wing as a blanket.
We just stopped for a moment and stared.
Finally I poked at my ribs and considered my options. "Luna could you be a darling and fetch me a sleeping bag?"
	
	

	

> Debriefing
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Starfire


As I stood in the elevator looking out at the city I wondered if I was the only pony in Ponyville that wasn't hung over. Surprisingly, Pinkie herself  wasn't all that into alcohol, but whenever she threw a massive street party for whatever reason, someone showed up with a few bottles of vodka.
I guessed Spike would be fine, he avoided the stuff like the plauge. I'd seen him drunk precisely once, and then it had been an accident involving a river and a leaky distillery. He wasn't an angry drunk or anything, but his sheer size made him have a tendency to do things like take naps against 5000 year old trees and get forced to write hundreds of apology letters to botanical preservation societies (it was an interesting weekend).
As for me... I didn't like my inhibitions lowered.
The elevator door opened with a ding and I walked my precious cargo into the penthouse entry way. I was told that the apple building used to be a farmhouse a long time ago. Orchard Park was right next to it so I suppose it made sense.
Her decor always had this warm, homy aesthetic to it, lots of wood paneling and plush furniture... Though I could have sworn the couch was new. 
Derrick was sitting on the old one holding an icepack to his head.
I quirked an eyebrow. "You okay?"
"I'm good..." he said, wobbling slightly.
I levitated his coffee over to him and he snagged it immediately, thankfully having the presence of mind to lean his head back (AJ was surprisingly protective of that couch).
He sighed, enraptured. "You are a goddess." 
"I try." I put the rest on the coffee table and sat down on the new sofa. 
Derrick threw out a claw. "Wait! Don't-" 
My special forces reflexes stopped me just inches away from putting my plot on the offending furniture. Which was a damn good thing because with a puff of magic it turned right back into a snoring Chell.
I blinked. "Why was she a couch?"
Derrick groaned. "After 6 beers, she decided that she needed to hide from Princess Twilight, so she turned herself into a couch... I didn't even know she could do inanimate stuff, but apparently it's a thing."
Well I could have thought of a few life threatening circumstances where that would have been useful to know. I floated a coffee cup over to her nose. "Wakey wakey Chell, It's made with love."
" 'Snot true..." she mumbled. "I know what love tastesh shlike..."
I sighed. There was nothing for it. I closed my eyes and dug into my memory.

#


A Little Girl From Long Ago

"Are you strapped in?" Aunt Chell asked.
I wiggled in the saddle. "For the fifth time, yes!"
She smiled. "Okay then, hold on tight!"
That said, she lept off the cliff.
The wind buffeted against me and I kept my eyes shut tight. It was scary, really scary. I'd flown on uncle Spike before, but that was different. He was so big and steady that you barely noticed you were moving. Riding Chell was like being on a roller-coaster. Every turn was tight, every swoop made my stomach flip... I gripped to the saddle as tight as I could and wondered what had possessed me to ask for this.
Then we... I don't want to say we stopped. It was more like the feeling changed from hurtling through the air to bobbing gently up and down.
"Shh..." came Chell's voice, soft as whisper. I stopped whimpering. I hadn't even noticed I'd started. 
Chell laughed. "You're doing just fine sweetling. Do you fancy a look?"
Slowly I pried my eyes open and blinked away the haze. The air was moist and a rushing sound filled my ears. I turned my head towards it... and then I saw it.
It was unlike anything I'd ever seen before, a solid wall of glistening water cascading down the mountainside. It rippled and burbled as it fell, so much more alive than the sterile, perfect fountains in the streets of Canterlot.
I lifted myself up and reached out a hoof. I swear I could feel tickling droplets on my fur.
"C-can we get closer?" I found myself asking.
Aunt Chell smiled. "Just a little."

#


Starfire

Chell blinked awake. She got right to her hooves and gave me a big, chitinous hug. 
"Oh Star, you really didn't have to do that..." 
I snorted and gave her a pat on the back. "It's no big deal."
She leaned back slightly and looked me with those big, motherly eyes. "Sometimes you act so grown up I forget how young you are."
"Uh.... I'm 23." I said.
"Exactly." she replied.
Derrick cleared his throat. "Uh, not to interrupt, but now that we're all conscious could we maybe talk about the situation here?"
I turned to him and tilted my head. "Something new on our dance card?"
He fidgeted. "No... Well, Bjorn Hammerhooves is rumored to be starting up his old runs again, but the local PD seem to have that one covered."
I nodded. There was a small chance we'd get called in, but if two-bit opium smugglers were all that were on our radar it was dang quiet day.
The griffon continued. "I mean, what are we going to do about our new friend?"
Chell pulled up a cushion and sat down. "Well last I saw, she seemed to be doing as well as could be expecte- Dear, is that a paperclip in your feathers?"
I blinked. I hadn't noticed before, but there was a small, red coated paperclip stuck near the tip of Derrick's head. It was tiny, but once you saw it, it really stood out.
Derrick looked away, embarrassed. "It's... something future Twilight mentioned. I'm holding onto it for now."
Chell nodded. "Fair enough. I have to say that encounter, though very odd is quite encouraging don't you think? We appear destined to become close friends with this new princess."
"Ughhh..." I groaned. I really, really hated the idea destiny. It got thrown around way to frickin' much in the Elements of Harmony. Call me old fashioned, but I liked the idea of free will.
"Even if that's the case," Derrick continued, "We still have no idea how that's going to happen and... honestly we're kind of the third wheel right now."
I blinked. "Huh?"
"I think what he means to say," Chell interjected, "Is that we are somewhat excluded from Twilight's social circle. The poor girl is clearly seriously traumatized, and that is not a state in which one is at their most outgoing. At the same time, her old friends are desperate to comfort her, and thrilled to have her back, so their focus is locked on her rather tightly."
I didn't buy it. "You can't seriously be suggesting that AJ, Pinkie and the rest are going to bail on their friends just because an old one came back."
Chell shook her head, finally levitating over her coffee. "Of course not, at least not in the long run. Its just that things are going to be a bit awkward for a while. And we're going to have to put up with a few... inconveniences." The changeling glanced at the stairs to the roof.
Derrick looked concerned. "Chell you've got to know Spike isn't ditching you. It's his mother for pity's sake."
Chell sighed. "I know... it would just be nice to be with him. It was a very stressful day yesterday."
I shrugged and took a slug of coffee. "Look on the bright side, we finally took out Slice, and we've got a new alicorn princess with a pretty wicked horn laser hanging around."
Derrick nodded. "True that... Hey guys, speaking of bright sides. Now that Twilight's here does that mean we can actually use the jewelery?"
I hadn't really thought about it. "I guess Celestia will organize a field trip for us pretty soon. Speaking of which has she woken up yet?"
Chell's eyes flashed for a moment, and I felt the tingle of her senses reaching out. "Not yet, they're still..." Her eyes widened, "Oh my..." 

	
	
> The Belly of the Beast
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Applejack


I ran my hoof through Cider's thick mane and pulled him in tight. His warm fur felt so nice against my che-

#

Something shook me and I opened my eyes to find myself buried in some sort of flowy etherial... Oh ponyfeathers.
With an extremely dignified "Gyah!" I separated myself from Princess Celestia, who's head shot up in surprise.
Pinkie, standing over us let out a sigh of relief. "That was a close one Applejack. You know you can't be an element of harmony if you like girls!"
I sputtered.
Princess Celestia groaned. "Pinkie Pie, can this not wait a moment? I was having the most delightful dream..."
Twi snapped to attention, horn flared. "What's going... on?"
She stared at me. I stared back. Good gods she was real.
"You- Your mane..." she said.
I blinked, crossing my eyes on a grey strand. I blew it out of my face.
"Heh, yeah... I guess I've gone a bit lighter..." I mumbled.
"Don't worry AJ!" Pinkie poked in. "I have to use like, Sooo much hair dye."
I chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I guess I never was one to really pay all that much attention to my appear-"
Twilight wrapped me in a huge, tight hug. I hugged her back. Oh sweet mercy it was her...
When I let go there were tears. I wiped them away... Pinkie Pie had a giant smile on her face... and popcorn for some reason.
Twilight blinked. "Wait, why can't you be an Element of Harmony if you like girls?"
I groaned. "Pinkie just thinks that because the last two fellers we've had on board were gay and we haven't had any lesbian elements. I keep telling her we have no idea..."
"Wait, back up a second." Twilight began. "You have two stallions on the team? I thought there were only six elements of harmony. Did you discover a seventh? Is-"
"No, Twi... just hold on a sec." I rubbed my eyes. It was far to early for this. "There are only six elements of harmony you just... you missed a couple... it's... it's been a while."
Twilight froze for a moment, then shook herself. "No... I... I guess that makes sense. Celestia..."
The sun god rolled over, blinking blearily "Yes?"
I sighed, "No, I meant... I was using your name as an... It's not important." She shook herself and clopped her hooves together. "Right, No more lollygagging! If I want to figure this out I need to get organized. Spike take a note!"
"BWUH?" The enormous dragon mumbled, shifting ever so slightly and nearly pouring us off of him.
Twilight blinked. "Oh... Right... I guess you wouldn't carry around giant notebook paper or anything... Is it weird that we're on top of you?"
The dragon shook his head, carefully so as to keep the tremors under control. "Thick scales, I can't feel a thing. Why did you want giant note paper."
"It didn't need to be giant specifically, just something you could write on... I guess you probably don't do all that assistant stuff since you didn't..." 
The gears in Twilight's head looked like they'd come to a sputtering halt as she tried to wrap her head around the implications.
I sighed. "Spike, would you be a sugar cube and conjure up some pens and paper?"
He nodded and released a tiny gout of flame which condensed into a full notebook and some ballpoint pens.
Twilight blinked and examined a pen curiously. "Huh? Oh wait! I've seen these before! These are like the ones from the alternate dimension!" That said, she started scribbling. "Right so step one, get a crash course in what's happened since I was gone."
I scratched my head. "Uh... there's a lot to cover there, maybe we should break that down into pieces."
"Right! Step one! Find out what happened to all my friends... three of which are dead of old age... But I have already cried about that..."
Everyone else exchanged looks.
Twilight went red. "Yes I am going to cry about it a lot bucking more but right now I am trying to be productive!"
We, as a group, nodded nervously.
"Okay, step two. Find out what happened to the elements of harmony... I'm not going to lie, you folks got a little paramilitary on me."
I eyed the anti-air cannons stationed on the roof and nodded cautiously.
"Step three, get a crash course in world history since I was gone... Step four... cry a lot, a lot more."
She started in on step four early.
We all gave her a big hug, Spike wrapped his wings around the lot of us.
"I'm sorry..." She whimpered. "I shouldn't feel like this. I still have so many amazing friends..."
I brushed her hair with a hoof. "Sugar cube, you take as much time as you need, okay. We'll be here."
Celestia coughed. "I hate to interrupt, lord knows that it's not something we can force, but I was wondering... I would not ask if it was not essential for the safety of the ponies of Equestria, but... well..."
Luna sighed. "She wants to know if you're still the element of magic. We never found another one."
Twilight blinked. "Wait, I thought you had a whole new bunch of elements? Speaking of which, after the whole Rainbow Power replacement stuff are the elements even a thing?"
Spike nodded. "I figured out a way to find out who was attuned to each element and the tree of harmony grew the elements back after you... left..."
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Hmm... that could mean a lot. Did the tree sense that I was gone and would need to re-integrate?"
An itch was forming on my back. "Twi, are we going to have an extended conversation about magical theory while group hugging?"
"Yes." said Pinkie. 
I sighed. "Okay, just checking."
	
	
	
> Introduction to Firearms
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Derrick


I love Star Fire, but she has one major flaw as a gym coach.

She doesn't have wings.

I'll admit, she was running up a storm on the treadmill, but that doesn't quite equate to doing laps around the gym with a weight as heavy as two ponies strapped to your chest.

Frankly though, I wasn't thinking about her. All I cared about was the slowly ticking analogue alarm clock hanging on the wall. My lungs were burning, and so were my wings. It felt like every second the pack was getting heavier and heavier...

*RIIINNNNGGG*

I breathed out a sigh of relief and slowly sunk to the floor, unstrapping the weights as I did so. Poor Chell buzzed down behind me, panting in exhaustion.

Starfire turned off her treadmill and was on us in an instant. "Okay people back in the air! Cool down start's now!"

I rose up with a groan, as did Chell, hovering above the floor for a few laps around the room. At least the pace was slower.

Starfire joined us as we wandered, exhausted, around the massive gym. It was one of the largest rooms in the Apple Building. AJ wasn't one for impressing people with big fancy offices when she could avoid it, but she knew that if she was going to train Pegasi they were going to need space, and lots of it. The same went for Griffons and Changelings.

Oh, and before you ask, yeah we fly above the city a bunch for our workouts too, but that's a much less controlled airspace.

None of us were in a particularly talkative mood after that bit of binge conditioning, so our cooldown was mostly held in silence. When the mysterious Princess Twilight walked in, we were all tired enough that we barely batted an eye.

AJ and Pinkie followed behind and waved to us. I waved back weakly and tried to put myself in order.

Chell recovered the fastest. "Apple Jack, Pinkie Pie, Princess Twilight!" She began. "How are you doing this fine morning?"

AJ snorted. "We're surviving, or at least getting there. I see you kept to the work out schedule."

Starfire nodded as we finally reached the blessed water cooler. "We aim to please boss."

I filled a cone shaped cup with liquid heaven and forced myself to sip it slowly. As my neural functions returned I remembered something rather important. 

"Twilight," I began, "I sent a quick message to that librarian that... you... told us about. I haven't heard back just yet, but she said she'd let me know if she found anything."

Twilight smiled. "Wow, I was right, you really are a cool guy."

I blushed. "Tha-"

"ARE YOU KIDDING!" Pinkie shouted. "He's like the coolest guy ever!"

I found myself wrapped in Pinkie's peculiar mix of hug and headlock. The earth pony buried her muzzle in my neck feathers.

"He's like the fluffy-softest bird-lioniest pal ever! You have so many awesome new friends to..."

She made a sniffing noise. Suddenly she was on the other side of the room.

"I swear! He usually smell's better!"

I raised an indignant claw, but AJ stopped me. 

"Don't worry about it sugarcube, Pinkie's just trying to up-sell ya'll. Chell, you need an ice pack?"

She shook her head. "I've got a basic cooling spell running, I got a bit of a magical boost this morning from a certain niece." She gave Star Fire a smile.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Wait, why would you need a cooling spell?"

Chell looked sheepish. "Well, as a changeling I don't actually have  sudoriferous glands. We can simulate them when we change shape, but that doesn't really change the physics. No sweat means no free cooling."

"And no stink! Don't forget about that!" Pinkie called over.

Twilight looked fascinated. "Wait, but all of the transformed changelings I've encountered before looked, smelled, and felt perfectly normal. Was that all illusion or physical transformation?"

Chell shrugged. "A little of column A and a little of column B... if you want I could give you a bit of a run-down later..."

Star Fire looked up. "When did you 'feel' a changeling?" She asked.

Twilight rubbed at the back of her head nervously. "I may have bucked a few during my brother's wedding."

"Uh, huh? And you think changelings are 'abnormal'?" Star Fire continued, a look of cold steel in her eyes.

Chell raised her hooves defensively. "Star Fire, it's perfectly alright, the reconciliation was seventy years after she vanished from the time-stream."

"That doesn't give her the right to be racist."

I gave Star Fire a look, but Twilight interrupted before I could say anything. "I'm sorry... I guess I have a lot to learn."

Star Fire grunted, and sipped her water skeptically.

Pinkie zoomed back over. "Star Anastasia Fire! Twilight apologized and she's gone through a hu-- P. U.!!!" She put a hoof to her nose. "Can you two please take a shower?"

Star and I exchanged a look.

"Not like that! Get your minds out of the gutter sheesh!"

Star Fire rolled her eyes. 

I put that image into the mental vault of things I just didn't want to think about and turned to AJ. "So... what brings you all down here?"

AJ smiled. "I'm just showing Twi around the Apple Building."

The mysterious princess nodded. "I have to say Applejack, I'm impressed by how much Sweet Apple Acres has grown."

I blinked, "Wait, Sweet Apple Acres? You mean like the frozen pies?"

AJ sighed. "It was the original name Derrick, it's on a lot of things. This was Sweet Apple Incorporated building before it got shortened to just App... Why do you have a paperclip in your feathers?"

It was my turn to sigh. "Future Twilight recommended it."

Everyone turned to Twilight. 

The purple princess groaned. "I have no idea either okay? Apparently I spend my life bouncing around time-lines like a ping pong ball."

Chell looked thoughtful. "So wait, if you can travel back in time, are you going to be coming back and giving us more mess-?"

Suddenly there was a flash of light and a rolled up scrap of paper bounced to the floor.

We all froze.

"Star Fire?" AJ asked, looking tense.

Star set her horn aglow and gave the wad a magical once over. Satisfied it wasn't about to explode, she unwrinkled it and cleared her throat. "Yes Chell, I'll try my best, but it's not an easy spell and I really don't want to mess with the time stream more than I have to. No Pinkie, I will not give you tomorrow's lottery numbers or stock prices, the economic ripples would be crazy. Love you all, Twilight Sparkle."

That read, the letter vanished in a puff of purple magic.

Star turned to Twilight. "You've got a bit of a flare for the dramatic, you know that?"

Twilight Blushed.

I sighed. "Star, can you relax...? although I have to say that was a little cryptic. How did future you know how long it would take us to read that thing?"

Twilight put a hoof to her chin. "Well... I was here to hear her read it... But wouldn't the future be changed by her reading it? Maybe I timed it to go back once she read 'Twilight Sparkle'...?"

The logical loops made my head spin. Star grimaced and stretched out. "Well now that that's done with, I think we have  a bit more Training to do. There's 200 rounds waiting for us at the range."

Twilight looked perplexed. "Rounds? Range? What are you talking about?"

"She means the shooting range." AJ Chimed in. "If you want to use a gun you darn well better practice."

The princess turned to her old friend. "Wait, Guns? You mean like Cannons?"

The rest of us exchanged a look. 

Star Fire smiled. "Princess, we have a whole new world to show you..."


#



Apple Jack


The fluorescent lights of the shooting range clacked on with a metallic buzz. and a row of booths stretched out before us like a row of guards at attention.

I handed Twilight ear protection as we all piled in and she put on the muffs without protest. I guess she'd learned a bit from Dash's antics.

"Let's start small shall we? Derrick, can you fetch the .22 rifle from the safe?"

The griffon gave me a salute. "Sure thing boss."

"Thanks sugar cube. Now remember Twilight, what we're about to show you are weapons. They can kill ponies and they need to be treated with respect and care."

Twilight eyed my holster. "You carry lethal weapons around with you at all times?"

I sighed. "It's a dangerous world out there Twi, that Slice feller isn't the only one that's tried to off me."

Twilight's eyes widened, "What!? Apple Jack..."

I held up a hoof. "We'll cover those tales a little later. Don't worry Twi, you know I can handle myself."

Twilight didn't look convinced. I could hardly blame her. Derrik returned, carrying the .22 and a box of rimfire ammo.

I picked up the .22, Derrick had picked out a Marlin XT. The marketing for it was a bit agressive, but the gun was solid. I double checked that it was unloaded, clicked the safety on for good measure and carefully showed it to Twilight. "This is a bolt action rifle. That means you need to work the bolt every time you fire it. Be careful now, remember, this is a deadly weapon."

Star Fire snorted. "Boss, if you're going to give her the 'Deadly Weapon' speech could you show her something that could handle more than terrorist squirrels?"

I rolled my eyes. "What the Peanut gallery over there is trying to say is that this particular gun has a low caliber. That means that it uses smaller bullets than other guns and if you shoot something with it, it might not kill that thing instantly. The key word there is 'might'. Some ponies have been hit by guns like this and not even noticed, but others have gone to an early grave. This isn't the scariest thing we've got in our arsenal, but it's important to remember, any gun can kill."

That said, I turned to the nearest stall. "Pinkie can you hang a..." 

I blinked. A paper bulls eye target was already down range.

Chell smiled. "You'd been talking for quite some time dear, and the range was cold."

I let out a breath. "I suppose it was. It's about to go hot. Clear downrange everyone! No one touch nothin'." 

Everyone took a step back and I made my way to the booth. 

Star Fire cleared her throat. There was concern in her voice. "Boss, your ribs are still cracked, are you sure you're..."

I held up a hoof. "Like you said Star, it's a .22. I'll be fine." I hope...

I took the opportunity to carefully brace myself, lining up the sights before even loading the gun. Satisfied with the mechanics, I filled up a magazine and slipped it inside, nice and easy.

I relaxed and took aim.

Some guns are shoot from the hip, spray and pray sort of deals. They can do in a pinch, but I never quite got a handle on them. They lack subtlety, grace. But this gun... this was a different animal entirely. It was as lean and honed as a ballet dancer. All it needed was a good partner. I slid down with oiled perfection and fired my first round. It snapped cleanly into the target, dead in the center. I slid back the bolt and an empty hunk of brass fired free.

The recoil was non existent, broken ribs or not. I kept up the pressure, firing again and again, working the bolt like a piston. I emptied the clip into that little piece of paper... And every single bullet didn't slipped right though the first hole.

I smiled. And that's why I'm the boss. The others nodded appreciatively, except for Twilight who had a big old grin on her face.

"AJ that was incredible! I don't know a single archer who could do something like that, I can't believe you did it all with your hooves!"

She turned... and started walking down range.

I was on her before she touched the dirt, tackling her roughly to the concrete floor. I felt fury rising up inside me. "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CLEARING DOWNRANGE!"

The alicorn was stunned. "B-but the gun was empt-"

I slammed a hoof down right by her ear. "YOU NEVER ASSUME THE GUN IS EMPTY TWILIGHT! THAT IS HOW YOU DIE! I AM NOT KILLING  YOU LIKE DASH KILLED FLUTTERSHY! DO I MAKE Myself..."

I paused, realizing what I'd let slip.

The whole room froze.

Twilight had looked scared when I threw her to the ground, but now there was something worse in her eyes, something terrible and broken...

With a flash of magic she vanished.


#


> Bedroom Antics
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chell


Why? Why did I sign up for this? I could have been a software developer, or an accountant, or a sewer maintenance technician, why in Equestria did I sign up to hang around with an earth pony that had spent her entire life moving from one terrible problem to the next?

Apple Jack's pain was palpable. She was so distraught I couldn't stay in the room... well, actually I could, but when Pinkie saw me throw up the first time I'd been exiled for my health.

So there I was, curled up with my gigantic husband on an insultingly cheery day, sipping iced coffee from a Starbucks travel mug while the rest of the team was organizing a search party.

"What on earth was she thinking...?" I muttered. "The girl was clearly hanging by a thread and AJ decides to open up with one of the most disturbing things that's ever happened to her..."

Spike snorted, laying his head down in the sun.  I laid down against his warm scales. His calm was so rela...

I blinked. "Wait a minute, why are you up here? Shouldn't you be frantically searching for your mother?"

He rolled his eyes. "Please, I put a tracer spell on Twilight the second I saw her again. She's fine."

My eyes widened. "What?! Why didn't you let us all know that the second she left?!"

My husband narrowed his eyes. "If AJ's going to throw tantrums in front of emotionally traumatized friends, then she should suffer some bucking consequences..."

I gave him a stern look. "I see, so in order to teach her that lesson you decided to punish her in a way that punishes... I don't know, everyone else?"

Spike blinked. He poked his head over the side of the building and eyed the royal guard massing below. "I... I had not thought of that." His scales paled.

"Sweetie, could you...?"

I already had my phone out. "What's the address?"


#



Security Blanket


20 minutes earlier...


My fiance's tongue slid deep into my mouth and I held him tight, running my hoof through his gorgeous mane. This was really happening! This was really...!

"AGHHHH!"

A purple alicorn materialized above us and crashed into the bed.

We lept out, stunned.

The alicorn blinked.

For a moment we just stared at each other.

Finally my Fiance broke the silence.

"G-great Aunt Twilight?"

She blinked. "H-huh?" The girl was shaking, she had tears in her eyes and her mane was askew, not just from landing on our bed... something was wrong.

It was about at this point my training kicked in.

Being a therapist you hear a lot of different things, crazy things, illegal things, terrifying things... there's a lot of stuff to freak out about, and if we freak out our patients are sure to follow suit, which is the exact opposite of what we want them to do.

So we practice, spending an extreme amount of time learning to dull our natural sense of shock. It took me less than a second to get back in control and hold up my hooves.

"Princess Twilight correct? We'd heard your name on the news and were actually planning to visit... but I sense you didn't stop by for tea. Never the less, I could really use some." I turned to my Fiance. "Paul dear, could you be so kind as to brew up some chamomile for our guest? I sense she could use something soothing..."

Pauldron gave me a nervous smile that very clearly said. What the hay are you doing?

I shot him  what I hoped was a more convincing one and said. "Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to catch up later. Right now I just want to make sure she's okay." Please dear god trust me on this, one wrong move and she'll snap.

He nodded, slowly backing away. "Okay then... I'll just get some tea... I guess... Holler if you need anything okay? Like seriously, anything..."

That said he left.

I turned to the princess, who was still looking a bit stunned.

I held out a hoof. "I'm Security Blanket by the way, nice to meet you."

She took my hoof and shook it. It was a bit stiff, but she tried to put a smile on. "Twilight... Nice to meet you."

I smiled. "The pleasure is all mine. It'll be a cold day in Tartarus when family isn't welcome in the the Sparkle residence... though I admit, generally we prefer it when our guests call ahead... or knock."

She blushed. "I am so, so sorry about that... I... I just sort of came here in a panic. I... I wasn't really thinking and this used to be my room... I mean, it hadn't been for a while, but..." She blinked, finally putting the pieces together. "Wait a minute? Family."

I nodded, blushing slightly. "You think the family would just sell off real estate in Canterlot? We're Sparkles too, a little bit further down the family tree, but yeah, we are family. I'm sorry we didn't come to visit you sooner, we just heard about you on the news and Pauldron and I are still in the process of planning a wedding so... Let's just say the logistics were complicated."

She smiled, it was a small smile, but genuine. "I... I had no idea I had more family! So, wait? You're Cadence and Shining's daughter?"

Oh boy, this is going to be tough... I shook my head. "I'm marrying in, actually. We're just the couple that ended up in the old house. Pauldron is your great, great grand nephew."

"Great great..." She sighed. "He's dead too isn't he?" There was a look on her face that I'd seen before... on Earth Ponies over a hundred.

Several extremely uncomfortable piece of the puzzle that was this girl clicked into place. I tried to imagine what it would be like if I lost 66% of the people I knew in a single day... I had to fight to repress a shudder.

I let out a breath. "I regret to say that the legendary Prince Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire passed away at the age of 97 surrounded by his family. I... I hadn't been born yet, but I've heard a lot about him. In his long life he did an incredible number of amazing..."

My sugar coating didn't help. She started crying. I sat down on the bed next to her and covered her over with the comforter. "Shh... It's okay..." I grasped for something to say... "I promise you, you aren't alone. You still have family, and not everyone from... the time you came from is gone."

"But they are!" she sobbed. "They're not the same! And it's nuts, because they're so close to all the people I remembered... but... AJ would never do something like..."

I felt a tiny flame rising inside me. If that miserable old... I put my anger in a little box and put it away. There would be time to deal with that later. I put a hoof on the Princess' shoulder. "It's okay... can you tell me what happened?"

She explained, I kept my expression calm and caring, making sure not to show any shock. When she finished I put a hoof to my chin... I thought back to my practice, my other clients, my years of training... and In my expert opinion I had absolutely no clue what to say. So, I fell back on the Socratic method.

"So," I asked, "how do you want to proceed?"

She groaned. "I have no idea! What am I supposed to do in a world where all my friends are dead? I spent so long being alone, and when I saw them I knew I never wanted to lose them, but now they're all gone! Even the ones that I thought were still with me..."

Okay, time to take a risk... And help a hag... "Do you really think the old Apple Jack is gone?"

She gritted her teeth. "Of course she is! The old Apple Jack would never have done something like that! She never lost her cool... unless she felt really powerless like that time in Dodge... or really scared like that time with Apple Bloom..." The princess blinked. "Oh..."

I smiled, now to let her finish the job. "So, what do you think."

"She... she's not gone, she's just scared because..." She face hoofed. "She lost everyone too..."

I smiled, this time it was genuine. "I see your reputation for intelligence wasn't exaggerated."

She gave me a look.

I held up my hooves. "Sorry, just a little joke. So, are you going to forgive her?"

Twilight sighed. "Of course, I've forgiven way worse. Still it would be nice if she said-"

"I'M SORRY!!!"

The door burst open and the 200 year old CEO of the biggest company on the planet tackled the Princess of Equestria in a sobbing hug... on my bed.

Pauldron stood at the door, levitating a tray of tea and sandwiches and trying very hard to repress a twitch.

I very calmly, very professionally, picked up the tea tray and put it on a side table. Then I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me.

Then, and only then, did I allow myself to drag my fiance to a hotel.

> A cold day in tartarus...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Slice


They locked me in a cage when I got here, and covered me in runes...

They hadn't lasted a day. The voices made sure of that.

The guard that brought me food had a husband who beat her every night. She considered herself strong, and was afraid of hurting him, even by leaving him... Mostly she was just afraid.

After I ended her pain I was accosted by a patrol. One had a son dying of cancer. The other was an earth pony... and thus cursed to build up pain for centuries... Ending him was more pre-emptive.

I felt jealous of them honestly. Their pain was over while I languished here, suffering and taking on the suffering of others...

I put one shaking foot in front of the other and pushed the thought away. I couldn't be selfish. The world needed peace, and no one else could put it to rest.


Apple Jack


I sat there on my... Kind of ex-son in law's...?

Oh I had no idea what in the hay to call Pauldron Sparkle, it didn't matter who he was, he had a couch and me and my old friend were on it.

"So... any more horror stories?" she asked.

I sighed. "Oh so many... lots of good ones too, but... I dunno I've had a long life."

Twilight sighed. "Sorry I missed it..."

I chuckled. "I ain't dead yet sugar cube."

"Too bad so many others are..." The princess said, defeated. "It's nice to have family though, Security Blanket's really nice!"

"So long as you're paying her..." I muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind Twi, we can talk about that one later. Compared to a lot of stuff in my life it just don't matter."

Twilight buried her head in a cushion. "What am I supposed to do?"

I sighed. "Twi... I dunno."

She raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Twi, I don't have the answer for everything... Never let anyone in the briefing room know that."

"You have a briefing room?"

I groaned. "Twi, we had a briefing room. Remember? In your tree castle?"

She smiled, faintly. "I think the Apple Building tops it."

I snorted, "Yes, my soulless paramilitary corporation's headquarters is so much better than the magical tree that symbolizes all of my friend's love."

Twilight blinked, "AJ, you got really dark... Like, seriously I think you could use a counselor."

I looked away. "Twi..."

"I'm not trying to be mean! I'm serious Apple Jack... Shining talked about ponies like you."

I got up. "Ponies like me? Seriously? What in Equestria is that supposed to mean?"

She bit her lip, and hugged a cushion. "You have PTSD Apple Jack."

I narrowed my eyes. "I am not some shell shocked-"

"You hurt me AJ!"

I stopped. 

"You were trying to keep me safe, I get that, and you were miserable about what happened to Fluttershy, I get that too... And I know you, I know you've got some crazy vault inside of you where you keep stuff like that, but there's 200 years of... Old Gods... Military service in there. You need to talk to someone about it."

I opened my mouth... Then closed it. "Okay." I said.

I sat back down on the couch. Twilight put her head on my shoulder. "You have no idea how glad I am you're here..." She said. "I really... I really could have died with that spell. It was really dumb to try it... Even on a stupid acorn."

I let out a rueful laugh. "You know we planted that thing in the cemetery... It grew nice and tall over our old friends... Spike put it there when Flutters..."

I shook my head. "Anyway, he spent years doing research before that... He tried everything he could think of... Heck, I wonder if something he tried had some kind of weird delayed reaction that brought you back."

I sniffed. "But there's some good stuff too. Applebloom's kids have kids. It's the same with Sweetie and Scoots, though they're not around anymore..."

"What about the others?" Twilight asked. "Did they have any kids?"

I shook my head. "No... Flutters never quite managed to get the nerve to ask someone out. Dash... Well, heck you think she'd be all over the place, but deep down I think she was scared. Girl had a heart of solid gold and she was afraid of loss."

I smiled. "Rarity and Spike though... Oh man they tried. When he grew up they finally broke down and got together. But they'd waited too long. She was past menopause. Oh they tried so hard... Spells, fertility treatments, Zehavan alchemy... It didn't work, but they tried. And they were truly happy."

She hugged me. "What about Pinkie? You?"

I smiled. "Pinkie had some eggs frozen. There's still hope for her."

Twi tilted her head. "Eggs frozen?"

I shot her a smirk. "It's a neat little medical trick that came up while you were out, I'll tell you later. As for me..."

I though back to a certain terrified teenage unicorn... 

You are not her mom! I told myself. Her mom died a long time ago. I'd never earned the right to that title.

"No," I said simply. "I never had any."

She buried her face in my mane. "I'm sorry."

I smiled. "Don't be... I've got something amazing."

She blinked. "What?"

"You sugarcube... You."

	

	
	
> Paper Clip
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Star Fire


I sipped at my coffee and watched Derrick and Pinkie dig through a pile of files. The reports of prison violence had just started to dribble in... Which wouldn't be on our radar except the prison happened to be Tartarus.

I shook my head. "This is crazy, what the heck does Slice think he's going to accomplish? Tartarus is a massive wasteland. He has a snowball's chance in... Well, in Tartarus to survive there without the guards bringing him provisions."

Derrick nodded. "It does seem rather ill advised... But Slice was never the most stable stallion."

I snorted. "Yeah, he makes Pinkie look sane."

"Ha!" The pink mare said. "Good one!"

I sipped at my coffee with a smirk. See, that's why I loved Pinkie, she knew how to take a joke.

Derrick of course, wasn't having any of it. "Can you two focus? We've got a lot of dead guards on our hands and a potential threat to the other inmates."

I took another chug and gave the griffon a level look. "Oh I get it, it's a problem and a big one, but we protect Equestria, not Tartarus. And the only way out of Tartarus is past Cerberus and that dog A, is as far as we can tell completely invincible and B hasn't missed a shift in centuries."

"Actually he missed a shift 160 years and 62 days ago," Pinkie added, "So not centuries, but it's pretty safe to say it's not a common occurrence."

I nodded. Go team Earth Pony.

Derrick sighed. "Okay, but if the worst happens..."

"We'll deal with it." I said, "Look Derrick I'm worried too, but we're soldiers not gaolers. We need to let the guards and the facility staff do their jobs. What are we supposed to do? Charge in there, march through a thousand miles of magic dampened, foodless, waterless wasteland and then execute the world's most dangerous starving man?" 

Derrick shook his head... Though to be honest after I said it it sounded half reasonable. I sighed. "Look, We'll send word to Celestia, but we did our job for now and we're not the best people for this particular job. If the higher-ups say otherwise, we'll go there and kick Slice's ass so hard he tastes shit for a week, but this situation needs deescalation, not violence."

Pinkie nodded. "Sounds good to me! Besides, with Twilight back we have other stuff going on."

Derrick rolled his eyes. "Fine. I guess I'll just return these files then."

I finished off my coffee, tossing the paper cup into the trash. "Cool, I'll walk you to records."

Pinkie bounced behind me as we wandered out of the conference room. "I'm coming too! I want to see Derrick's reaction to the steamy new mail-stallion!"

Dirk groaned as we wandered down the halls. "Can you girls stop trying to set me up? I'm fine."

I snorted, "Says the griffon who just got a new 'toy' shipment last week."

He froze, his feathers fluffing out in shock. "Who told you about that?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What else could that unmarked box in the mail room have been? You're not the type for drugs. Oooh! Shall I assume you're selling state secrets for cash kickbacks? If so, I want a cut."

"Me too!" Said Pinkie.

He stared at the heavens. "Great spirits, what did I do to deser-? Ooof!"

The trained special forces operative bumbled into an intern carrying a stack of papers, scattering them on the floor.

After a flurry of cursing and apologies, the griffon handed the intern a pile of sorted sheaves with an apologetic smile. 

"Thank you..." The stallion said. "Drat, I lost my paperclip." 

"Here, take mine." He said, offering up that paperclip he'd been tucking in his feathers. 

The other pony smiled. "Thank you." He took the clip and the two males stared at each other. I hadn't been paying much attention before, but I noticed that the stallion Derrick had tackled was in fact a rugged, sleek black Andalusian earth pony with that kind of perfect stubble only movie stars could pull off.

The Stallion smirked. "I'm not usually this forward, but would you let me buy you dinner as an apology?. I'm Oro by the way, Fuego de Oro.

Derrick blushed. "Uh... Derrick..." The griffon managed to squawk.

The stallion fixed his hair. "Nice to meet you Derrick. Does Saturday, 7:00 pm at 'The Happy Brothers' work for you?"

Derrick nodded, still blushing.

Oro smiled. "Very well then, it's a date." He bowed his head to us. "Ladies."

He walked off, those perfect flanks rippling with muscle as he sauntered down the hall.

Pinkie turned to Derrick. "You see! Even future Twilight thinks you need help!"


#

Chell


Spike had flown up to the high stone caves at the peak while Twilight and I made our way to the lower entrance. We could have made the flight as well, or even ridden up on Spike's, but Twilight wanted to use the washroom and the pony sized bathrooms were closer together in the lower hive.

For my part, I was extremely nervous. Introducing an in-law to your side of the family is rough at the best of times, but adding a bit of speciesism to the mix made things all the more complex.

Don't get me wrong, I knew Twilight was doing her best to give me the benefit of the doubt, but I could sense she still had a bit of anxiety directed towards me... Mind you it was hard to tell because the poor girl was a massive bundle of nerves, but when she was with me there was a distinctive bit of distrust mixed in.

"So..." She said as we made our way up to the elegant chitin doors. "How many of your... family members live here?"

I did my best not to fill in drone. "Almost all of them, although a few married out into other hives, so we just see them at the Swarms and Hearth's Warming. We're actually pretty small for a city hive, as there's only 106 of us."

Twilight's eyes went wide. "I... I see. Is there any... Etiquette I should be sure to observe?"

The subtext of how do I avoid getting eaten was clearly present. Still, I smiled. "Just be your normal, polite self and I'm sure you'll do fine dear. We're just a big loving family."

I turned the doorknob and a burst of confetti flew out. "SURPRISE!!!" 

In the atrium fluttered the entire hive, wearing brightly colored party hats and grinning from ear to ear. Zax and Grell were holding up a banner that read. "Welcome Home Matron" While Brell waved a sign saying. "it's Great to Meet You Grand Matron!"

Twilight froze.

I smiled, morosely. "Sometimes they get a bit excited."
> Twilight's New Home
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chell


Hib, Nib, and Pib, three of the youngest members of the hive were clamoring for attention at Twilight's feet.

"Did you and Dad really fight a hydra together?" 

"Was Dad really shorter than you?"

"Did Dad really ride you into battle to save Lady Rarity?"

The princess chuckled. "Yes, yes, and... Kind of..." she said.

She had actually taken to our being surrounded by curious foals quite well. Spike had never mentioned her being a kindergarten teacher, but she certainly had the talent for it.

Mind you, the adults weren't much better. Xax was asking if she wanted to try another kind of nectar every five minutes and Jal had a notebook out. I knew the girl was a historian, but I would have to talk to her about proper etiquette around guests.

She turned to me. "Actually, Chell, would you mind if I asked you a question?"

I blinked. "Of course Twilight. Zil, could you pass me the mushrooms? And perhaps a bit of the creamed spinach?"

Zill passed me a bit more food and Twilight continued. "Do... Do you have a queen?"

The table went silent. I could feel the tension rise at the mere utterance of the 'q' word. "Eh.... No, We don't have one of those. I serve as this hive's matron, but we do not have a queen."

Twilight gulped. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to offend. I've just never been in a hive before. I don't know the rules."

Nib hugged her leg. "It's okay you didn't know any better. It's like when I asked that fat lady when her baby was coming."

A nervous laugh filled the dining room, cutting down on some of the tension. 

Twilight giggled. "Okay... So how is your hive organized?" 

Jal tilted her glasses. "Well, we're not big enough to require a huge pile of bureaucracy, but we have a little constitution. Basically every year we elect a President and a small number of comity members  for certain tasks, like what we want to do for cash, how we want to deal with maintenance, that sort of thing."

Twilight turned to me. "So... You got elected matron?"

I shook my head. "No, that's my biological role. I laid the eggs for most of the changelings here, and provide the hive with pheromonal support.  Not every hive needs a matron, but..." I shrugged. "We're useful for making large numbers of children and providing the pheromones necessary to help changelings calm down and focus in a crisis. We can also unify the hive's magical strength if necessary for defense or construction."

Twilight nodded. "Okay."

There were a few more questions passed back and forth, but she seemed to close in after that.

She answered questions politely, if somewhat mechanically, until the end of the meal, making sure her eyes never left me for more than an instant.


#

Chell


"Chell, there's something I need to ask you." Twilight said, as we climbed the stairs. 

I sighed. Honestly, I was getting a bit tired of this. "You want to know if I'm biologically a queen?"

She looked away. "Well... I mean..."

I turned on her. "Yes." I threw up my hooves. "Fine, you caught me. You are right, I'm dangerous. If I wanted to, I could take those children and drain them dry of magic, I could steal the entire hive away and form some tea pot kingdom in the badlands. I could do an enormous, horrifying pile of terrible things." I glared at her. "But you know what? You can too."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

"Twilight let's cut the crap." I said, all the stress from the previous day just pouring out of me at once. "You are an alicorn level spell caster. You've used your power to build things, but you could easily use them to destroy. You could light hospitals on fire, you could throw enough mind magic around to make a small army of slaves. You could even pin Applejack down with your magic and smother the old mare in her sleep. You have the capacity to be an absolute monster." 

I let out a breath. "But nothing's forcing you to walk that path. And there's nothing forcing me to do that either. I know you look at me and my family like that nightmare Chrysalis and her brainwashed army, but we are not her. I'm not hanging out with Spike and the Elements because I want to exploit them, I'm with them because I love them, just as I love my family. As people, not slaves." 

I snarled. "And I know you're going to threaten me or tell me how I'm just waiting for the power to go to my head or something like that, but so long as you're doing that let me make this absolutely clear." I got right up in her face. "I love my family, and my friends, and my husband and if you do anything to hurt them I will find a way to make you pay."

I let out a breath... I felt a little woozy. I'd been holding that in for days... It occurred to me that I should have it out into a pillow instead of my Mother in Law's face.

I was about to try some sort of salvaging apology when the absolute last thing I'd expected happened.

She hugged me. And I felt all of her worry melt away.

Spike looked down the stairwell with a smirk. "C'mon, you two. If you don't hurry you'll miss story time!"

Twilight blinked. "Story time?"


#

Twilight


Spike had only a few rooms in the caverns over Chell's hive... 

But they were absolutely massive. 

What's more, while the floors were mostly empty aside to give the now massive dragon space to move, the walls were covered with... Gosh, it looked like anything he could find. There were paintings of him with Rarity, with Chell, with all of the other changelings, with an old earth pony mare I couldn't identify, and those were just the portraits.

There were drawings, sculptures in little alcoves, a huge number of bookshelves carved into the cavern walls... And by one wall, a little dug out pile of couches with seating for at least a hundred. I found myself packed between a pile of eager changeling children and even a few adult changelings who were clearly more there to watch than to act as chaperones.

It almost felt like I was in a theater. There was even popcorn being passed around.

Spike stood before us, in all his glory looking just like he had on the apple building, but with an interesting addition. He was wearing spectacles.

For a moment I was worried that he'd lost his eyesight in all the time I'd been gone, but I noticed the curve and swiftly realized they weren't corrective lenses, they were magnifying glasses.

He clutched a comparatively diminutive book in his claw and turned the page with a level of precision that would have made a surgeon envious.

He turned to the crowd. "Well folks, what would you like to hear tonight?"

"Could you read more Daring Do?" One changeling asked. 

"What about a mystery novel!?" Another asked.

"No! A romance!"

"No! History, tell us about the time you got sucked into a comic book!"

"Or what about the time you went to the human world and turned into a ferocious battle wolf!"

I blinked. "Wait, what? He didn't turn into a battle wolf! He was just a dog!"

Spike's hearing was apparently quite good. He flushed. It looked odd on someone fifty times my size. "Uh... Twilight?"

I put my hooves on my hips. "Spike, have you been embellishing our adventures together?"

The room fell silent. At first I thought I'd stepped over the line again, but I noticed that the changelings in the audience weren't staring at me... They were looking at Spike, confused.

The dragon scratched at the back of his neck. "Look, Twilight..." He looked back and forth sheepishly.

"Spiiike?" I said, in a very disappointed tone.

The dragon winced. "Okay, so I may have fudged just a few details, but only for dramatic effect."

I raised an eyebrow. "Dramatic effect huh?"

"What's your version of the story Grand Matron?" One of the little changelings asked.

Chell had a grin on her face. "You know I think I'd like to hear that too."

I put a hoof to my chin. "You know what? Make room Spike! I'm coming on stage."

There was a roar of applause as I landed on the shocked dragon's shoulder.

He rolled his eyes. "You know if we're doing this, I'm going to tell them about all the times you fell on your butt after going bipedal."

I gave his neck a big hug. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


#

Twilight 


Story time was fun, if a bit exhausting, and by the time we'd gotten to the part where we beat the Dazzlings I was dead tired. We all decided to retire for the evening and Spike lifted me up to a little apartment carved into the top of the cave wall (It had an elevator and even stairs, but Spike's claw ride was faster).

The apartment oozed Rarity. It had dress forms in the corner, a little jewelery box, a walk in closet, and space for fabric and a sewing machine. There was also a quaint little kitchen and an absolutely luxurious bathroom.

Perhaps the most Rarity thing in the room though, was a massive window looking down on the now slumbering Spike. I could just see her looking down on her beloved as she drifted off to sleep...

I also got the sense that the room hadn't been used in a long time, but it was clear that the Changelings had fixed it up in preparation for me. The one who served the drinks at dinner (I think his name was Xax?) was still there, putting chocolates on the pillows.

I chuckled. "You really know how to treat guests."

To my surprise, he winced. "You're... You're not staying?" He asked.

I froze. To be honest with all the crazy stuff that had happened I hadn't even thought about living arrangements. I mean, my old house was a museum now so...

Right then it hit me. I was homeless. Again. I had lost two houses right in a row.

Xax looked concerned and held out a little bowl of chocolates. "I... Think you could really use one of these."

I blinked. I'd never expected to end up taking candy from a changeling, but this world kept throwing me curve balls. I took a chocolate and bit into it. It had one of those nice mint fillings that always balance out the dryness.

I smiled. That had made me feel a little better. "I guess Pinkie Pie hangs around a lot here, huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah, she's one of Chell's best friends. She's great at story time." He scratched the back of his head. "Look, I'm just a failed hospitality worker, I don't know much about time travel or old Equestria or anything like that, but... You've got to know that to us your family."

He looked down at the slumbering dragon. "And it's not just Dad either. Pinkie Pie and Applejack talk about you all the time. You're like that cool grandma that we really wished we could meet before she..."

He shook his head. "I'm messing this all up. The point is, we want you here and we know we don't know you personally yet, but you're family and we want to."

I stared at him... Then pulled him into a hug. He was only the second changeling I'd hugged in my life, but at this point I doubted he'd be the last. "How the heck did you fail at hospitality? You're amazing at it."

He blushed. "I'm not so good with schedules."

I grinned. "I am going to teach you sooo many organization techniques." I yawned. "... Tomorrow. Honestly right now I really need to hit the hay."

He nodded. "Okay, just press that button over there if you need anything." He pointed to a little box that reminded me of the intercoms at Canterlot High. "It's a line to the hive security desk and there's always someone down there... Well, usually more than one person. It's right next to the kitchen so all the night owls tend to hang out there."

I nodded. "Thank you."

He gave me a salute. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then! Breakfast's at 8:00!"

That said, he buzzed out the window down into the hive.

I smiled, falling back into the massive bed. I took a moment to reflect on my circumstances. I was sleeping on top of a colossal fire breathing dragon who was in turn on top of a hive of over a hundred changelings...

But somehow, for the first time since I'd came to this crazy world, I felt safe.



> Biological Concerns
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Applejack


The intercom beeped. "Miss Applejack? Princess Luna is here to see you."

"Send her in!" I said, maybe a little too giddily. I was just excited to do something other than look at spread sheets.

For the life of me I couldn't imagine why she would be here. If there was an emergency she would have used my cell, and if it was a social visit she'd have made an appointment.

I didn't have to wait too long for answers. She burst into my office with a blue flash of teleportation, carrying a somewhat bedraggled looking pegasus mare in with her.

Luna smiled. "Applejack, I hope you're getting some time to rest."

I chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm just doing paperwork. It's not what you'd call physically demanding."

"You'd be surprised." The pegasus said. She was wearing goggles (pegasi picked up the fashion after they kept losing spectacles to the wind) and carrying quite a bit of luggage. Her cutie mark was a large heart with a thread of electricity running through it.

I raised an eyebrow. "And you would be?"

She held out a hoof. "Dr. Lightning Heart. I'm a cardiologist out of Canterlot."

Oh lord, a doctor... It took all my years of training as a business mare to avoid blanching. "I'm Applejack, it's wonderful to meet you."

Lightning Heart nodded. "I understand you recently followed up a myocardial infarction with a.. Gunfight?" She asked, more than a little uncertain.

I nodded. "Yeah... I reckon I did... Not that I had much choice in the matter."

The doctor winced and pulled out a second file. "I certainly understand that, and your duty to Equestria. However, in spite of your renowned earth pony magic I have to say, seeing you at work this early is a little... Troubling."

I nodded. I turned to Luna. "Uhh... Luna, as much as I appreciate all of this I have to say I'm a might busy at the moment for a doctor's appointment."

Luna shook her head. "This isn't a doctor's appointment, this is me appointing you a doctor."

I blinked. "Beg pardon?"

Luna smirked. "Don't you recall our earlier conversation Applejack?"

I felt a sinking feeling in my gut. "Luna... What exactly is this?"

She smiled. "Dr. Heart works for the National Health Service and your survival is important to the nation. I pulled a few strings and had her moved here as your personal live in physician."

What?!!

That was inside Applejack of course. Outside Applejack was smiling and nodding. "Of course... I have more than a few spare rooms on the third floo-"

Luna glared at me from behind the oblivious mare. 

I gulped. "Or, I suppose I have a few guest rooms in the pent house."

The doctor nodded. "The penthouse would be much better given that I'll want to be nearby in case you have another episode. I'll of course need to do a full physical. Will you have any time today?"

Luna nodded. "I think Applejack has been out of bed far too long for someone just recovering from a heart attack. Why don't you take her upstairs and get everything settled?"

The oblivious pegasus smiled. "Excellent! Lead the way Miss Applejack."

As I was dragged away to my doom I caught Luna mouthing 'you promised".

I swallowed my objections, grit my teeth and showed my new lode-stone the elevator.

This was going to be a very long day...


#

Twilight


Breakfast was a lot less formal of a meal than dinner had been. I'd nuzzled Spike on the way down and was directed to the kitchen by a bunch of my more early rising insect grand children.

The changeling hive was actually more brown and gray than the black and green I'd expected a structure made mostly of stone and Chitin to be. Looking closer at the resident changelings I had to admit they had a bit of color variation too. I wondered if Chrysalises' army had just been painted black, kind of like how our royal guard followed a dye code.

Xax was there as promised, as was the changeling that had a notebook out last night. She'd swapped the book for a laptop computer (knowledge of human world technology was serving me well in this strange future) and was nibbling at some toast while she typed some sort of paper. Chell was nowhere to be seen.

Xax popped on an apron and tilted his head. "So, what will it be grand matron? We have eggs, cheese, veggies... I can do a mean hash or an omelet if you'd like. We also have tons of cereal! Although I have to warn you we're all sugar fiends around here so our selection of healthy ones is kind of thin..."

I smiled. "You don't have to cook you know. If I'm going to live here I should learn to pull my own weight."

Xax looked rather deflated.

The changeling with the laptop chuckled. "You're better off letting him have this one grand matron. For all his faults, he is good with a skillet."

"Thank yo- Jal!" Xax shot the typing changeling a glare.

I blinked. "You know, I'm kind of surprised you all eat pony food. It would seem like you'd have different nutritional requirements."

The typing changeling (Jal apparently) nibbled at her toast with a shrug. "It makes sense if you think about it. Primitive changelings were ambush predators that needed to blend in with sources of love to survive. We have a physical diet evolved to mimic the creatures we preyed upon."

Xax winced. "Jal, could you maybe cut back on the prey talk?" He shot me an apologetic look.

Jal looked up from her computer. "Xax, learning about our dark history helps us avoid the mistakes we made in the past. Besides, everyone's primitive instincts are terrible. Griffins ate sentient creatures, ponies lived in domineering patriarchal herds... What's natural is not necessarily what is right."

Her words were actually kind of comforting... Even if they made me a bit queasy. Still, it was clearly something she'd spent some time on. I tilted my head, curious. "Are you a scholar?"

She nodded. "I'm a graduate student at Ponyville U. Their anthropology and archeology programs are pretty solid, especially given all of the old ruins that are scattered about in this city."

I wondered how many of those ruins used to be my friends' houses. Still, it was nice to have another scholar in the family. I turned to Xax. "I'd love an omlette with peppers and onions if it's not too much trouble."

He smiled. "Easy peasy! Would you like something to drink? We have tea, coffee, milk, orange juice, krollock nectar..."

"Krollock nectar?" I asked.

"Coming right up!"

I held up my hooves. "No, I mean, what is that?"

He tilted his head. "You know... Krollock nectar. Krollocks make it? We're not a farming hive, but we get some good stuff from the local markets. You drank three glasses last night."

I was totally lost. "Huh?"

Jal sighed, "Xax, she's new here. Krollocks are an animal species native to the changeling homelands. They make nectar for their babies, kind of like how you mammals make milk." She tapped at her keyboard and turned the screen to me. Drawn on the monitor was a picture of large, armor plated slugs drifting around a pool of purple goop while changelings sucked the liquid up with pumps.

I felt my stomach turn as I pondered the sweet vanilla flavored purple liquid I'd downed last night.

Jal turned her computer back and shrugged. "We did have to eat when we hung out in hives you know."

I turned to Xax. "Just tea please."








> Therapy
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Slice


I had to eat the last pony that got in my way.

Do not think me some sort of sadist. I deeply disliked the taste of pony flesh, but eating was necessary. Besides I hadn't needed to swallow very much of it. Meat had more energy in it per pound than grain. And while I loathed the stuff it would take weeks to eat all the jerky I'd packed away. I'd drained the water out magically of course. It hovered above my head as I made my march.

So long as I had enough magic, I would be fine physically. And in this place... This terrible place... My magic was stronger than ever...

I imagined the voices had something to do with that. I was so far away from the nearest soul one would imagine they'd fade, but even at this distance their screams were all I could hear...

The suffering in this place was truly beyond comprehension.

I could not let it claim me. I'd just have to press on. Tirek's cell was still hundreds of miles away. And I couldn't afford to burn all my energy teleporting.

So I kept walking, knowing that if I failed all this suffering would continue.

And my conscience could not allow that.

[center#]Applejack


"Look Doc, I don't think you understand what you're getting into here." I cautioned. 

I sat down on my couch and raised my mane, showing her a scar on my forehead. "You see this? This is where Queen Chrysalis took a bite out of my skull." I rustled my fur and showed her the ring of scars around my leg. "This is from when a unicorn hyped up on dark magic tried to separate me from my leg with a machete. He nearly pulled it off... Literally."

She eyed the readouts from a surprising array of portable imaging equipment, unimpressed. "I'm well aware of your military record Miss Applejack."

I shook my head. "This ain't about records kid, this is about you not realizing that hanging out with me ain't healthy." 

I gestured to the turrets out the window. "This building's a tough nut to crack, sure, but that's because its got a dang target painted on it. Hay, I've got a target painted on me, and if you stick around it won't be long before somepony paints one on you." I shrugged. "Don't think me being ancient says anything about the life expectancy around these parts. I've lost a lot of good people in this job..."

The doctor rolled her eyes. "Miss Applejack, how exactly do you think I paid for medical school?"

I groaned... So she was one of those. "Look," I said, "I get it, anyone with two brain cells can see you did a tour in the guard. Ya probably even saw some shit, but this ain't the same."

She dropped all pretense of looking at her instruments. "I've risked my skin for the sake of Equestria before. How is this not exactly the same?"

Oh these naive little foals... "Kid-"

"I'm Thirty two." She insisted.

I threw up my hooves, "And I just hit two hundred! But that ain't the point. When y'all were working in the guard you could have bit it sure, but here's the thing, when your tour was up, you got to do something magical." I looked out the window, taking in the city skyline... Even after all these years... "You got to go home." I said. 

I gestured to the snazzy penthouse surrounding us. "You see this? Seems nice don't it? Well it'll get less nice when you realize you're stuck here. Oh we'll let you quit, but working for me you're going to make enemies, and you're going to get tied up in crap far outside of your job description. Crap nopony should ever have to see." 

The doctor's wings were puffed up, but not spread. It was a thing that pegasi did sometimes when they were rustled, but tryin' to keep their cool. "Look Miss Applejack, if you want another doctor I'm sure we can find one, but I'm not sure what I did to provoke such a strong dislike."

I smirked, "You got it all wrong Doc, I like you already."

She blinked. "What?"

I looked her right in the eye. "Y'all ain't backing down from me, and you're not the least bit scared (which is a little foolish mind you, but nopony's perfect). What's more, if Luna picked you I know your record has to have something impressive in it. I like you Lightning Heart. That's why I want you as far away from the likes of me as you can get."

She stared at me for a long moment. I could see the gears turning in her noggin. 

"Miss Applejack," She said finally, "are you seeing a therapist?"

Okay, that was not the response I'd expected. "What do you mean?"

She picked up my foreleg for a moment, feeling my pulse. "Miss Applejack... Alright, this is becoming awkward, may I drop the 'Miss'?"

I had enough people in my life who insisted on titles. "Please do."

"Good." She said. "Now, if you're quite done trying to scare me, I have to say you don't sound mentally well."

My jaw dropped. I yanked my hoof back. "What in the hay did you just say?!"

She didn't even flinch. "You've spent most of your life in service to Equestria and obviously in that time you've seen terrible things, but if that has been enough to make you hate your life so much that you wouldn't wish it on anyone... Then you have a serious problem. Equestria has a serious problem." She gave me a level look. "You are an Element of Harmony Applejack, quite frankly if you're screwed up, then the rest us are up a creek." She crossed her forehooves and let her little speech sink in.

...

Now, don't get me wrong, I'd had this conversation before. Usually I'd just tell the damn fool that decided to get in my face to get the hay out of it before I put them in a body cast... 

But I kept hearing Twilight's voice... I know you've got some crazy vault inside of you where you keep stuff like that, but there's 200 years of... Old Gods... Military service in there. You need to talk to someone about it...

I bit my lip. She had guts I'll give her that, and I guess someone would have to do her job. Aw to hay with it, what was life without a little risk? "Okay," I said. "Y'all can stick around... I reckon you got a shrink in mind?"

She shook her head. "No, but I can find one."

"You do that..." I let out a breath. "Are y'all done prodding me?"

She nodded. "Up here at least. There's something I'd like to try."

I raised an eyebrow. "And that is?"


#

Applejack


Somehow I hadn't come down here in months.

I hadn't the faintest idea why.

Oh it was louder now. Hay, it was more crowded with little fillies and barking dogs and not so secluded lovers all over the place... 

But sweet Celestia my trees...

I leaned up against one, the bark was warm to the touch from the sun pounding down on it. I felt warm, safe... Alive...

Even Lightning taking my pulse wasn't enough to spoil the mood.

She jotted something down in a notebook. I caught a faint smile on her lips. "Your heart rate is down... And your electrical currents have stabilized."

I blinked. "My what now?"

She smirked. "Ah right, somehow you've managed to avoid seeing a pegasus doctor all of these years." She tapped my hoof. "A pony has a variety of electrochemical gradients flowing through them. Lightning has always been the domain of pegasi, so with training we can sense it in other beings."

I raised an eyebrow. "I gotta say, that's a neat trick doc."

She shrugged. "Frankly what your doing is more impressive. Drawing energy from the soil to heal yourself... I don't know how many lives I could have saved with that."

I snorted. "Yeah, it ain't half bad. And the unicorns think they're so high and mighty..."

"That's racist." She said with a smile.

I shrugged. "I am two hundred..."

"That's ageist." she returned.

I rolled my eyes. This was going to be an interesting relationship.


> Class is now in session!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Derrick

"Y'all sure that restaurant is queer friendly?" The big red stallion asked.

I snorted, Checking over another shirt. "Big Mac, we're in Ponyville in the present day, not  Dodge Junction last century. You don't have to worry so much... Except about whether this tie matches this suit."

We were sitting in my apartment sorting through my clothes. I'd made fast friends with AJ's brother once I'd realized we shared a love of nursing our hard cider and kvetching about stallions so he was more than willing to wander over and provide fashion advice.

The stallion grunted. "Try the turquoise one, it brings out your eyes. What about this feller? He likely to be trouble?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Big Macintosh, obviously I'm only attracted to secret dark magicians bent on destroying Equestria."

Mac just raised an eyebrow. 

I sighed. "He's an intern here, just got his bachelor's in psychology. I suppose he could end up digging out some issues surrounding my mother, but that's about it." I slipped into my jacket and changed the subject. "Besides, this date was clearly arranged for me by Princess Twilight. Remember, that nice girl who you still haven't said hi to?"

The graying stallion grimaced. "Twi and I barely knew each other back then. I'd just get in the way of the real reunions."

I frowned, that wouldn't do at all. I put a talon on his shoulder. "Mac, I've known that mare for all of three days and I can already tell you she'd be ecstatic to see you again."

He looked away. "E..Eyup."

I sighed. "Just trust me on this." I wondered if I could pull of a cashmere cardigan... "You know, I know something that would get your confidence up... Among other things. "

The stallion groaned. "Are you really still harping at me on that? I'm an old stallion alright? No one who ain't got a fetish or something wants to hook up with me."

I shook my head enough teasing, it was time to get serious. "Mac, you are a tall muscle bound Stallion with a heart of gold. Any guy would be lucky to have you." I smirked. "Besides, I would be a poor student if I didn't help out my master oh guru of gay?"

Mac snorted. I caught a bit of a blush on him though. "Sure thing grasshopper... Now are y'all sure Twilight set you up with this guy? I have to say it sounds mighty fishy."

I shrugged. "Well she literally came back in time and told me to carry a paper clip with me. Then when I bumped into him I had the paper clip he needed so... I mean it's pretty clear she wanted me to meet him right?"

Mac didn't look convinced. "So... You got told by an alicorn from the future to keep a paper clip handy and you gave the thing away to the first stallion that batted his eyes at ya?"

I blinked. It did sound kind of worrying when he put it that way, but still. "I mean it was a paper clip not a magical super weapon. Besides, he really needed it."

Mac put a hoof to his chin and leaned back on the bed. "I dunno. It seems like that could've come in handy some other time."

I sighed. "Mac..."

He held up a hoof. "Humor me." That said, he walked over to my desk drawer and rooted around a bit.

I tilted my head. "Uh... Mac? What are you doing?"

He turned back to me and held up a paperclip in his hoof.  "Just keep this around in case something  important comes up okay? For me?"

I looked into the old stallion's eyes... He was genuinely worried. 

"Okay... Thanks." I said, taking the clip.

"No problem sugar cube. Now, how about we get you some cuff links?"


#

Twilight


At this point I'd come to accept that I was going to spend the next several days getting random unexpected hugs. Still I would have felt better about it if I knew who the hay the pony crushing my ribs actually was.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh it's so excitin' to see ya back Twi! I never thought I'd see the day!" The mare rubbed her graying red mane all over me with the enthusiasm of a filly on Hearth's Warming.

I weakly patted the overexcited middle aged earth pony on the back. "That's great... Um... Who are you?"

The hug stopped. She stared at me. "You... Y'all don't remember?"

Okay, I'll admit there was something familiar about her, but I just couldn't place it... At least until I saw her cutie mark.

My eyes went wide. "Applebloom? What are you doing here? I though for sure you'd be living with your brother and sister not..."

"Hanging out in a dragon's secret underground lab?" Spike suggested from behind us.

Applebloom groaned. "Spike, every-pony knows about this place. We have five graduate students! We host conferences here!"

Spike sighed. In this enclosed space the rise in heat was noticeable. "You can never let me dream can you?"

Applebloom chuckled. "Hey, I'm the lab manager. It's my job to bring you back down to Earth... Or in this case under the Earth."

While they bickered I found myself gazing out at the massive laboratory. When I'd heard that Spike had continued my studies in my absence I'd never expected something like this. 

The main lab areas was a single room with frankly frightening amounts of experimental work space and separate little offices in tiny cubes scattered about. As I was flying down I'd noticed that all of the offices had glass tops, presumably so Spike could look down into them and see what his staff was working on... Or make sure they were working, but I presumed not too many ponies would slack off when an ancient dragon was their boss.

Possibly the most impressive thing in the room was Spike's work station. He had a frighteningly huge desk and some of the most gigantic pieces of laboratory glassware I'd ever seen. I was certain he was capable of single handed industrial chemical synthesis.

The dragon noticed where I was staring and smirked. "I blew those test tubes myself, at my size I kept needing bigger and bigger glassware until... He gestured to the massive desk. "It's the same with everything I'm afraid. I actually took ballet at one point to try to be really careful with my strength and body placement, but even with that these days I can perform only the most basic of wet experiments unassisted. Acquiring the chemicals is just too expensive."

Applebloom chuckled. "Aw, don't sell yourself short sugar cube. You may need an extra pair of hooves, but that don't mean ya'll ain't the best dang scientist there ever was!"

Then something completely incomprehensible happened. 

Applebloom raised her hoof and a light, tinkling yellow glow enveloped it.  A similar glow enveloped a book from a nearby shelf and it flew to her hoof in a perfect telekinetic arc. 

"Look!" The yellow coated mare said. "He literally wrote the book on modern magic."

I stared at her. What... What had I just seen. 

Spike chuckled. "Twilight, Applebloom has been studying magic with me for over a century. She's picked up a few tricks."

I just kept staring. "But... But how? Earth pony magic is regenerative and inwards, not outward facing! She shouldn't be able to channel it like..." My mind was buzzing, I had heard rumors of non-unicorn spell-casters before, but I'd certainly never met one. Magic was incredibly difficult to channel without a horn serving as a focusing apparatus. Was she using some sort of runic tattoos? Some enhancing potion? What could it be? How could I have possibly missed...?

I caught sight of the two staring down at me. They looked... embarrassed. 

"Um... Twilight," Spike began. "I know this might be had to take, but you... You've been gone a long time. Applebloom's abilities are rare and took a ton of work for her to learn how to control, but we did figure out it was possible in the last century... We've made other magical advances too. Several, in fact."

My eyes went wide.

I... I hadn't even considered that. Now that It was staring me in the face though, it was obvious... I had been gone for so long that science had advanced without me. All of my hard won knowledge was probably completely archaic and mostly useless in the face of impossibly more detailed magical theories.

So much work... So many things I didn't know...

Applebloom held up a hoof. "Twi, Listen, I know this is a lot to take in, but-"

I wrapped the middle aged mare in a bone crushing hug. I had a manic grin on my face. "So... I hear you take on graduate students?"



> Reconnecting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Star Fire


The earth pony business executive grit her teeth and snarled. "Star Fire, please murder this leech peddler."

Lightning Heart just rolled her eyes, setting down some papers on her new little desk. "Applejack you need leeches even less than you need caffeine. You just had a heart attack. Seriously, how many times do I have to explain that? I would have thought passing out from the impossible pain in your chest and poor blood circulation would be fairly memorable."

"Don't listen to her Star!" AJ pleaded, pleaded in a way only a mare separated from her coffee could. "Land's sake, I had a dang gun fight with Slice a second after waking up! There ain't no way a white chocolate mocha's gonna do me in."

Honestly she had a point. I probably would have just given her the cup, but the doctor shot me a steely look.  "Miss Star Fire, if you care at all for your mother you will throw that cup in the trash."

The room went silent.

The doctor blinked. "Did... Did I say something wrong?

I put down the coffee. "My mother is dead." I said simply. And if you'd read my damn file you would have known that.

Lightning looked lost. "What? But you clearly identified Applejack as your mother on-"

AJ held up a hoof. "Doc, that's just what it says on the paperwork." AJ's expression softened. "Star, do you want me to...?"

I shook my head. "I can tell it. I was already 12 when my mother died and my dad had passed away a long time ago." I gave the business mare a smirk. "Applejack was friends with them from way back and I needed a place to stay so she officially adopted me, but... Well, we both knew I was too old to replace my mom or need much in the way of babying." 

I gave the doctor a level look. "AJ's a good friend, and she's helped me out of a lot of jams, but she's not my mother or anything."

The doctor blinked, processing this. "I... I see. I'm sorry I misinterpreted your relationship." There was something... Off about her tone. Something that grated at me.

AJ chuckled and reached for the coffee. "Don't worry about it doc, you wouldn't be the first to-"

The second her hoof touched the cup I snatched it away with my magic. Without hesitating I downed the scalding liquid. 

I felt my tongue blister from the heat. I couldn't have cared less.

I tossed the cup in the trash as I turned to leave the room. "Sorry, AJ. Doctor's orders."


#



Chell


All I wanted was a nice, drama free morning with my husband.

Instead, one of my children had an ice-pack on her head and a very guilty looking alicorn was sitting in my office... Which was of course what I called the crook under my husband's wing...

What? He's more than happy sleeping under rocks. Do you really think he'd mind me tucking a few folding chairs by his belly?

"Okay," I began, doing my best to control my breathing and project an aura of sanity. "Let's start from the beginning... Why was Twilight in bed with you?"

Flitz threw up her hooves. "It's not my fault! Dad told me to take her to bed!"

My husband, who's head was of course turned to watch this conversation, winced. "Flitz, I meant you should take her to her bed, not the communal bed... He looked away, somewhat bashfully. "I... I will admit, that might have been a bit confusing."

I bit my lip, made a mental note to talk to my husband about being more precise with his word choice, and continued. "Alright... So you brought her to the bed, what happened next?"

Twilight whimpered. "This is all my fault, I over reacted to waking up next to so many... new family members. I'm not used to doing that sort of thing." She stared at Flitz, on the verge of tears. "I'm really sorry I hit you."

The girl looked more than sincere. Finally Flitz sighed. "Okay, I get it, not a lot of ponies are comfy sleeping in giant buggy piles... For what it's worth I'm sorry too. None of us told you about that tradition and you've been through a lot recently."

Twilight smiled, then after a moment pulled Flitz into a carapace crushing hug. "I have really cool grandchildren." 

Flitz's eyes bulged from the pressure.

Spike cleared his throat. "Um... Twilight, my kids tend to function better when you let them breathe oxygen."

Twilight blushed, letting poor Flitz go. She sucked in a deep breath. "Ow..."

The princess looked down. "Sorry..."

Flitz shook herself. "It's okay grand matron... Why don't we just get some breakfast okay? I hear Xax is making blueberry pancakes."

Twilight's ears perked up. "Ooh! I love blueberries. Do you think he'll have any alfalfa he could mix into the batter?"

Flitz shrugged, walking off with the princess in tow. "Maybe? We could ask..." They drifted off down the stairs to the hive proper, presumably discussing their favorite pancake additives. 

That settled, I turned to the empty space in the corner of Spike's wing. "You can come out now Star." 

Starfire dismissed her invisibility spell and wandered over, looking rather bitter. "I've really got to work on my veiling spells."

I smirked. "Dear, I've known you for over a decade. Did you really think your Aunt Chell wouldn't be able to tell when her niece was playing hide and seek? Although I can't imagine why you felt the need to conceal yourself." Or at least I couldn't imagine any healthy reason...

Star sighed. "Right now I don't want to hang out with the newbie all that much, okay? I know that's bad for the harmony of our magical wavelengths or whatever, but..." She shook her head. "I'm going to need some time."

I nodded. Spike looked like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it and turned away to his book. It wasn't much privacy, but it was enough. "Take as much time as you need dear, we seem to have hit a lull in the world collapsing around us..." I said cautiously. "Is there any chance this is a social call?"

She shook her head. "I really need to make more of those don't I? Nah, I'm just checking to see how Little Miss Purple is fitting in and whether you think she's well enough to try on some jewelry."

I tilted my head. "You want to try using the Elements of Harmony? Already?"

She nodded. The tree had grown the elements back long ago, but without the power of friendship they were nothing more than paperweights... Well, barring forcible magic extraction by potential bearers. Dame Sunset had written a few papers on that subject, but trying to use them like that was damaging and had a tendency to backfire rather spectacularly.

Frankly I think Sunset mostly published her work to make sure future generations knew just how bad of an idea it was.

I thought of the jumpy, obsessive mare having breakfast with my children and couldn't help but worry that forcing them on her would be an even greater risk... They were called the elements of harmony after all. 

"Perhaps it's not time just yet. She's been here all of... Two days..." I blinked.

Star's eyes widened. "All of the crazy stuff that's happened has seriously only taken two days?"

I grimaced. "Perhaps calling this a lull in the madness is a bit generous." I picked myself up, dusted myself off and gave her a serious look. "In my professional opinion, we need to give the poor girl some time."

Star nodded, but I could feel her impatience building.

Well, best to defuse that. I gave her my most maternal smile. "Now, I'm afraid you're not escaping without having a cup of tea while we catch up. I was gone for a long time and it feels like this Twilight business is all we've been talking about."

She grumbled. "Are you going to show off your vacation photos?"

I giggled. "You know it."


#

Twilight


After breakfast I'd asked Xax to take me down to "the bedroom" again to try and get used to it. Exposure was essential for acclimation after all and I never wanted to end up hitting one of my grandchildren out of fear again.

It was literally a giant room covered with mattresses, pillows and blankets along with the occasional stuffed animal thrown in. The walls were covered in bookshelves and little music players with ear buds. The lights were dim, but there was more than enough to navigate with.

It was kind of fascinating honestly, I supposed changelings with their close familial bonds wanted to snuggle up to each other. There was a small number of changelings asleep here even now... All cuddled up in a little pile with a small army of stuffed animals.

Okay, given enough time to adjust to their appearances, my grand children's habits were absolutely adorable.

"A bunch of us work nights." Xax whispered, answering the unspoken question of why so many people were asleep at 11:00 in the morning.

I remembered what he'd mentioned about the security desk always having someone at it and nodded. Frankly this was turning into a fascinating case study. I wondered if I could publish a sociology paper on changeling social mores...

I found myself wandering over to the small pile of eight or so changelings, trying to get a better handle on their faces, when I noticed a startling splash of color in the middle of them. I leaned over to get a better look and...

I froze. I grabbed Xax, barely managing to keep my voice low. "What the heck is Pinkie doing here?"

Xax was taken aback. "Uh... Aunt Pinkie comes here all the time." He whispered. "She says she wants a safe place to nap... You know, with people who care about her?"

I blinked, then slowly turned back to my friend. When I first saw her I'd barely noticed she'd changed, but looking closely, as she cuddled one of my grandchildren with a deeply exhausted expression I noticed her skin hung looser than I remembered, and her mane was just a little less poofy.

I felt a pit forming in my stomach. There was only one way to deal with this. "Xax?" I asked quietly. 

"Yes grand matron?" He asked.

"Would you please fetch me a pillow...?"