One friend, Two friend, My friend, Un-friend.
Twilight sits in her library overlooking a book she had quickly become engrossed in, she raises her head as she closes the book to think on things. She makes up her mind and hops off her chair, she's going to see Pinkie. Twilight had long since abandoned hopes of trying to understand Pinkie through science, but that doesn't mean she is going to believe Pinkie doesn't follow the rules science puts forth. Pinkie does work in strange ways, but she still has to follow the same rules science makes.
`Hopefully' Twilight thinks to herself. Twilight walks into Sugarcube Corner and moves to go behind the counter, Mrs. Cake simply nods in acknowledgement and then turns back to the customers. Twilight continues to the kitchen where she finds Pinkie baking, Pinkie doesn't even notice Twilight as she dashes around the room gathering ingredients. Pinkie stops suddenly and does a backtrack from where she was, she then spins around to see Twilight.
Twilight smiles at her and Pinkie smiles back, "Hey Twilight!" Pinkie calls ecstatically.
"Hey Pinkie, how are you?" Twilight looks at the mess in the kitchen and realizes that there is a sort of order to it. It's similar to Rarity's organized chaos, something Twilight could wholeheartedly understand. There have been many times when ponies have told her that the library was a complete mess, when it was in fact very organized. She could understand how books strewn across the floor could seem disorganised, bit it was in fact just a way she studied. Dashing from open book to open book and back to string the information together into a complete thought. At first glance, there doesn't seem to be a very clear order, but Twilight knows its there somewhere. Snapping out of her musings, Twilight remembers why she came here in the first place.
"Pinkie, I need to ask you something," Twilight tells her.
"Sure Twilight, ask away," Pinkie says cheerily as she continues with her baking.
"Can you tell me all your closest friends? The ones you know the best? And a bit of information about them?" Twilight asks.
"Really? Well, ok. Hm... well, in no particular order, I'll start with you. Your name is Twilight Sparkle, You're the head librarian at Golden Oaks library. Your number one assistant is Spike, and your pet is Owlowiscious. You love books and read for hours on end, you're also the best at magic of anypony. Well, save the princesses. And also-" Pinkie doesn't have a chance to continue, Twilight cuts her off.
"Actually, only give me about that much information for everypony. I don't need more," Twilight pulls out a piece of paper and makes a small tick mark.
"Okey dokey lokey! Well lets see, theres also Rarity..." Pinkie continues to describe in detail each and every one of her friends.
~~~~~~~
"...then there's Sugar Plum, she's the owner of Sweet Treats and Eats. She used to live in Trottingham, where she had a shop of the same name. She tells me about her friend and housemate she used to have in trottingham. Her friends name was Beige Blanche, she left after a terrible storm. Thats why Sugar Plum left-" Twilight cuts Pinkie off by holding a hoof up. Pinkie stops talking and waits for Twilight. Twilight makes another mark, starting another set of five. Twilight counts the sets, there are thirty. Twilight quickly does the math and adds the extra pony, thats 151 ponies. Twilight freezes up as she finds the answer shes looking for, she doesn't like it even if she expected it.
"Too many..." Twilight mutters to herself.
"What's that Twilight?" Pinkie asks, oblivious to Twilights twitching eye.
"Pinkie? How many more friends do you know? Do you really know?" Twilight asks carefully.
"I dont know, maybe a couple hundred more? I've never bothered counting them all," Pinkie shrugs, this sends Twilight over the edge.
"That's not possible! It's physically impossible to hold a stable relationship with all those ponies!" Twilight bursts.
"Well then how am I doing it?" Pinkie giggles at the idea of her not being able to have friends.
"I..." Twilight pauses at that, if it were impossible she shouldn't need to have this conversation. "You just can't! It's science, it's not wrong!" Twilight is completely flustered by all the ponies Pinkie's friends with.
"Since when has science been limiting my friends?" Pinkie asks incredulously.
"Ever since a scientist conducted studies, these studies helped conceive the Dunbarn number. Named after Doctor Dune Barn, the Dunbarn number is the max number of stable relationships a pony can have. The number is a hundred and fifty, you've already told me about a hundred and fifty-one. You're also telling me that there are still more! It's just... not right!" Twilights looking frantic, and Pinkie is looking surprised. "I... I need to double-check his research. Surely he must have done something wrong if this is happening... but, how could it be wrong? Science is never wrong." And with that Twilight leaves Sugarcube Corner. It's getting late, so Twilight heads to bed.
~~~~~~~
Twilight awakens to frantic knocking on her door, Twilight looks out the window and finds that it's still dark. But, with a closer look Twilight sees that the early morning sunshine is barely starting to peek over the horizon. It's still terribly early, the library isn't scheduled to open for another hour or so. Whatever it is, it must be important. Pulling herself out of bed, Twilight makes her way to the door slowly. Arriving at the door Twilight opens it up and receives a hoof to the face for her efforts.
Stunned, Twilight stands stock still for a second before snapping out of her daze. She finally gets a look at the pony and finds Bon-Bon looking ticked. "Thanks a lot Sparkle, Pinkie told me all about it, I hope you're happy." With that Bon-Bon turns away without saying another word. Twilight looks after her in shock before closing the door silently. What was up with Bon-Bon? Better yet, what did Pinkie tell her? Twilight couldn't think of any reason for Bon-Bon to be mad at her, none at all. In fact, Twilight hardly knew her. So what could it be that got Bon-Bon mad at her, mad enough to slap her? Twilight briefly wonders what she should do.
After a moment of hesitation Twilight decides to ignore it for the time being, she could go out later after a while of thinking and go fix everything. She might have to have a talk with Pinkie, then maybe after that Twilight can finally get to that research of Dune Barns. She's sure that if Pinkie managed to surpass the Dunbarn number then there must have been an error somewhere. Twilight manages to get her morning chores done before the problem with Bon-Bon starts to really get at her. She hasn't been slapped since she was a foal, and even then it was just on the wrist or hand. She was almost always surrounded by ponies who loved and admired her. Even the ones that didn't like her had never dared to physically harm her in any way. Here was a mare that had been pushed to slapping Twilight because Pinkie said something.
Pinkies not hurtful or dishonest most of the time, which means she must have been telling the truth. But for the life of her, Twilight can't think of anything she's ever said or done to warrant that kind of reaction. With this in mind, Twilight heads towards Sugarcube Corner to straighten things out. Very quickly she finds that something is very wrong, nearly everypony is glaring at her with contempt. Twilight looks around and finds that nearly everypony has stopped what their doing to look at her, and almost all of them look very angry. Could this be Pinkies doing as well? Twilights seriously starting to worry and she picks up the pace.
Twilight rushes into Sugarcube Corner and very nearly slams the door behind her. She's leaning against the door and panting, but then she notices the hateful looks from inside the shop as well. Twilight nervously walks up to the counter and Mrs. Cake looks at her hard.
"I don't know what you did, but you better fix it," Mrs. Cake says sternly "all these bitter ponies isn't good for business," Mrs. Cake tells her.
"I don't even know what I did!" Twilight lays her head on the counter in defeat, "I just have to find Pinkie and sort this all out..." she mutters, half to herself.
"Be sure you do, and do it quickly," Mrs. Cake says.
"Do you know where Pinkie is?" Twilight asks hopefully.
"No, not a clue," Mrs. Cake turns away to serve another customer and Twilight lets out an exasperated sigh. She pulls herself to the door and down the street, hopefully she can find Pinkie. If only she had a higher vantage point... Twilight jumps at the idea.
'Of course! A pegasus can help me!' Twilight thinks to herself. Looking around though, she finds a flaw in her plan. Seemingly every pony in town hates her, including all pegasi. Twilight thinks quickly and remembers one pegasus she's willing to bet will help her. Rainbow dash, and around this time she's napping in one of Applejack's trees. Twilight hurries to Sweet Apple Acres, leaving the glaring ponies behind her.
Upon arriving at Sweet Apple Acres Twilight starts searching for either Applejack or Rainbow Dash, she sighs in relief when she finds both. They're both sitting and talking until Twilight walks up, then Rainbow points her out. Applejack looks back and tackles Twilight in a flash.
"What the hay did you do?" Applejack demands, Twilight just looks at her in fear.
"I-I don't know... what happened?" Twilight asks nervously. If what Pinkie told them was bad enough to make Applejack mad at her, then it must have been something terrible.
"Pinkie just came by sayin' that y'all told her we couldn't be friends!" Applejack yells. "You better start explaining now!" Applejack huffs. "Pinkie's all distraught and I reckon that you gotta be the one to fix it!" Applejack is glaring at Twilight hard.
"Wait what? She said that she couldn't be your friend? Why did she do that?" Twilight asks incredulously.
"I just told y'all! She's sayin' it was you that told her," Applejack exclaims.
"Wait, did she tell that to Rainbow as well?" Twilight looks over to see Rainbow giving her a very disapproving look.
"No, she went on about hats and being fair. How is that fair? What, you tell her to choose favorites? Of course she's gonna pick Rainbow, they're pranking buddies..." Applejack grumbles and Twilight can see tears forming in Applejack's eyes.
"Applejack, you're..." Twilight can't bring herself to form the word.
"Yeah, I'm crying! I just lost one of my best friends, all because who I thought was another of my best friends told her to stop being my friend!" Applejack stomps her hoof inches away from Twilight's face.
"But I didn't tell her that! I never told her anything like that! The only thing we talked about yesterday was... Dunbarns number... Horsefeathers." Twilight pauses in her resistance against Applejack and thinks on what she said, Pinkie must have taken it the wrong way. "This IS all my fault... I'm sorry girls. I never meant for any of..." Twilight motions with her hooves to Applejack, "this. But, I need some help in finding Pinkie so I can set this straight. Then you girls can go back to hating me..." Twilight sniffles at the thought. Applejack embraces Twilight who lets out a surprised squeak.
"I'm sorry Twi, I'm not really mad at you... I guess I'm just upset, and I let my frustration out on you. I should have known you never meant for this, it didn't really register in my head till I saw you were upset, and I'm sorry I couldn't see it sooner..." Applejack apologizes, then she finally she lets Twilight go.
"T-thank you Applejack... but I do really need help finding Pinkie," both Twilight and Applejack wipe their faces dry.
"Already on it," Rainbow calls just before dashing off. A few seconds later she's back, "She's in town, it looks like she's heading for the train station!" Rainbow tells Twilight. After a flash of magic, Twilight disappears from Sweet Apple Acres and appears at the train station. Pinkie's at the ticket counter, Twilight hurries over.
"Pinkie! What are you doing?" Twilight shouts, Pinkie turns and Twilight can see how bad she's doing. There are tear streaks on her muzzle, her eyes are puffy, and her mane is straight and limp.
"Oh, Twilight, I was looking for you. I had to tell you that I'm sorry, but I can't be your friend..." Pinkie flinches as she says it, but after it's said she just turns her gaze down and away.
"Pinkie, why are you doing this? Is it all because of what I said about the Dunebarn number? I'm sorry Pinkie! I didn't mean it,"Twilight says quickly.
"No, you were right. I hardly have enough time for all my friends... I thought that maybe I could just get down to a hundred and fifty, but then I would have to choose favorites. So I just put all my friends names in a big hat, just to be fair... then I realized that it wouldn't be fair to anybody if somebody still got to be my friend and some didn't, so I solved it. I just can't have any friends, then its all fair," Pinkie explains as tears stream down her cheeks. She wipes away the tears and steels her resolve. "I was just heading back home to tell Maud that I can't be her friend anymore," Pinkie turns back to the counter.
"Pinkie! Its not true, the Dunbarn number, it's not true! I know that now! I'm sorry it took all this to realize it, but I know now. Everyponies sad Pinkie, because you feel you can't be their friend. They all love you, and it's clear you care about them. You're going so far to keep it all fair, all at the cost of your own happiness." Twilight takes a deep breath before she continues.
"When I heard about the Dunbarn number, I thought that it might be true. I thought that I'd see if it was, and when I found out it wasn't I was a little disappointed. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there could be a way to study friendship empirically. I hoped there was, and this study would have been proof of that. I hoped that there would be, because those are the studies I'm best at, it would have made friendship easier if I could just find an easy way of studying it..." Twilight looks down at her hooves at this.
"I was so caught up in my own selfish thoughts that I didn't even notice that I was hurting you. I'm sorry Pinkie, I never meant to hurt you. Once again I got so caught up in trying to understand you, this time I wasn't the one I was hurting. You can have all your friends, you need to have all your friends. If you don't have your friends then you're not the Pinkie everypony loves, including you." Twilight looks pleadingly at Pinkie.
"Both me and Dune Barn made the mistake of thinking you can find a constant in friendship, you can't study friendship that way. All the lessons I've learned have come from unexpected surprises, not predictable variables. Dune Barn may never know that his work is incorrect, and that might be because he doesn't have friends like I do, like you do. But I found the error, and it's all because I have a friend like you Pinkie. You're the best at friendship because you act like friendship itself, your spontaneous, happy, and you don't make sense. Not in the generic way anyway." Twilight gives a small smile as she continues.
"Dune Barn was wrong, and you're the living proof of that. You're amazing, funny, happy, random, and one of the best friends anypony could ask for. And I'm sure that everypony in town along with me would like to ask... Pinkie, would you please be my friend again?" Twilight is once more giving a pleading look as Pinkie processes it all. Suddenly, Pinkies hair poofs up and she rushes forward to Twilight. Pinkie wraps Twilight in a surprisingly gentle embrace, tears once more streaming down her face.
"I'm sorry I ever stopped being your friend Twilight, I don't know what I was thinking," Pinkie says as she holds tightly onto Twilight.
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I wasn't thinking," the two ponies stay in eachothers embrace for a while longer before breaking apart. Once they break apart they see a circle of ponies that they hadn't noticed before.
"How long have you all been there?" Twilight asks nervously.
"Long enough, that was a beautiful speech Twi'," Applejack steps out of the ring and moves towards the two ponies in the center. "I don't think y'all have to explain anything to us, but I do believe there are a ton of ponies that both of you owe an explanation and apology to. Then it sounds like you got yourself a letter to write, Twi'," Applejack pulls each into a quick embrace.
"Actually, I think I have two letters to write..." Twilight muses. She'll have to send a letter to Dune Barn about her findings, as well as her friendship report to Celestia.
"Well then, I reckon y'all better get started quick," Applejack lightly pushes the two out of the ring and towards the center of town.
"Will do. And, Applejack?" Twilight turns back for one second.
"Yeah?" Applejack asks softly.
"I'm really sorry," Twilight tells her.
"I know sugarcube, but I ain't the only one y'all need to tell it to," Applejack motions with her hoof towards the rest of Ponyville and Twilight nods. Then she and Pinkie head off to make peace with everypony.