Cheese Sandwich keeps a lot of his thoughts to himself when he's around Pinkie Pie. For a party pony, he’s still awfully shy. But today he slips up, thinks out loud when he’s barely awake, and says much more than he ever meant to.
Cheese Sandwich keeps a lot of his thoughts to himself when he's around Pinkie Pie. For a party pony, he's still awfully shy. But today he’s going to slip up, think out loud when he’s barely awake, and say a lot more than he meant to.
Pinkie Pie is always happy to see her friend Cheesie. And this time, it’s not party pony business; it’s a really real visit just to see her! He’s so much fun to play with, and he thinks the nicest things about her, but she wishes he’d say some of them. Listening in is starting to get awkward.
This is a sequel to "Goodbye, Boneless." Technically, if you're trying to read in sequence, it also falls after "Flash and Trend Steal All Your Waffles." CheesePie, of course.
Two's company, three's a crowd, so what does that make a whole town?
“I got here last night,” Cheese Sandwich said, as he and Pinkie Pie trotted up the main street of Ponyville, “but I thought it was too late, so I decided I’d come back this morning.”
“Silly Cheesie,” said Pinkie Pie. “You should have come inside!”
Of course she’d known he was coming, and the whole reason there were lights on in the kitchen at Sugarcube Corner was because she knew when he’d get there and she thought she’d try baking a few dozen Rainbow Funfetti Chocolate Cotton Candy cupcakes she’d just thought up while she was waiting, but nopony could predict a silly pony who stands around in front of a building where one of his bestest friends was waiting for him with cupcakes and a big hug and then decides to go away and come back later, and in the meantime gets into BIG TROUBLE. It had all turned out ok, of course, except that Cheesie really needed a bath afterwards, but that had happened before and Gummy didn’t mind sharing the bathtub.
It was always nice when Cheesie came to Ponyville, but this time was extra especially nice because he said he was coming just to see her. He’d come just to see her before, of course, but he didn’t usually say so.
“Hi, Matilda!” she said, waving at the lady mule crossing the street. “Howdy, Roseluck! Happy week and a half before your birthday, Mr. Breezy!” All of them waved back with giant grins almost as big as hers. Gosh, there sure were a lot of ponies out this morning, and they all seemed super-happy. That was great!
Cheesie was easy to be with. Easy-Cheesie, she thought, and giggled. He understood that funny was serious business, and he never said “oh, Pinkie” in that tone her other friends sometimes used. “Oh, Pinkie, you’re so random.” “Oh, that’s just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.” He didn’t expect her to explain things all the time. He instinctively knew when it was time for a piñata, when it was a four-alarm emergency laughter situation, and when it was time for a hug. It just proved that she was right to want to make friends with him from the beginning, before they both started being stupidy McStupidheads and challenging each other, but then he’d been her friend before they’d really even met, like all of her bestest best friends.
“Hiya, Pinkie!” said Matilda’s companion.
“Hiya back, Cranky!” Pinkie replied without thinking about it, and then thought, Cranky? Cranky actually said “Hi” first? She glanced over her shoulder, and there was Cranky, grinning an enormous grin, almost as though his face were stuck that way. And he and Matilda seemed to be going in their direction, too. Huh. Wow, there sure are a lot of ponies going our direction! But Cheesie didn’t seem to have noticed yet. In fact, he was smiling and looking at her as though she were the only other pony on the whole street, and his green eyes were sparkling as though they were lit from inside by a dozen Roman candles, and she couldn’t have helped smiling back even if she’d been the saddest Pinkie that had ever Pinked, so she bounced just a little bit higher as she pronked along beside Cheese because her friend was here now and they were going to have SO. MUCH. FUN!
Behind them, heads began popping out of houses and shop windows. Ponies started piling into the street and joining what was becoming a small parade.
“I missed you a lot,” thought Cheese.
“I missed you, too,” she said.
Cheese came to an abrupt halt and swung his head around to look at her. “What?”
Pinkie sighed. Cheesie thought the nicest things about her, and she really enjoyed hearing some of the things he didn’t say, but sometimes she goofed up and responded to something he was thinking instead of what he was saying. Like now. And she wasn’t really sure she should let him know about that.
“I . . . missed you?” she said hopefully.
“Oh!” said Cheese, and she heard, “whew!” “Well,” he said, removing his “I am a serious pony” black hat and pawing the dirt, “I . . . kind of . . .”
He was interrupted by a small herd of fillies and colts, headed by Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle, coming over a rise and stampeding directly towards them. Then she noticed the crowd behind them, too, and wondered, is there a circus or a carnival going on?
“Hot diggety!” cried Apple Bloom. “We got Cheese Sandwich AND Pinkie! Now there’ll be a party!”
“An EPIC party!” agreed Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle squealed.
“Party! Party! Party!” chanted the other fillies and colts, and if she didn’t know all of them and play with them all the time, she would have thought it was a little bit spooky.
Oh, thought Pinkie, we’re the circus.
She remembered once before, on Hearts and Hooves Day, Cheesie had just happened to be free, and had just happened by Sugarcube Corner, and asked if she wanted to spend some time with him if she didn’t have anything else to do, and she didn’t, so she’d grabbed a box of cupcakes and trotted off with him, and she’d been so happy that her friend Cheese was there and that they were going to do something fun. And she was happy because he was happy and then he seemed even happier, and then somehow everypony had come out to follow them, as though she and Cheese were two pony magnets. She guessed it had something to do with them both being party ponies and being extra especially happy. It had turned into the best Hearts and Hooves Day party ever, but even then, she’d wondered whether Cheesie was just a tiny bit disappointed.
She looked over at Cheese, who now had Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and a few other fillies and colts hanging onto him. She didn’t need any special ability to know what he was thinking then. His eyes screamed, Help me.
Cheerilee galloped over the same rise her students had come from and slid to a stop, blowing hard. “Oh, my goodness!” she gasped. “All of a sudden my students ran out of the classroom. I am so sorry. Back to class, young fillies and gentlecolts! We’re drawing maps of the Griffon Kingdom this afternoon. You won’t want to miss that!” She stopped, noticing the crowd of grown ponies standing behind Pinkie Pie, Cheese, and her students. “Is this a party?” she said, looking from Pinkie to Cheese in confusion.
Pinkie made a snap decision. “Yes! It’s a party! Woo hoo!” She jumped straight up in an explosion of streamers and confetti and landed on Cheese’s back in a sort of two-pony pyramid.
“YAY!” cheered the crowd.
“TOMORROW!” she added, and blew on a rollup noisemaker.
“Y—yay?” said the other ponies.
Cheese clearly knew a cue when he heard it. “C’mon, who here likes to party?” he said, rearing up as Pinkie balanced on his shoulders.
“Me me me!”
“Then you’ll like it TOMORROW!” he whooped.
“After school,” Cheerilee added.
“Aw,” said her students.
“Is Cheese still going to be here?” asked Apple Bloom, who had borrowed Cheese’s hat. It looked pretty good on her.
“Yeah,” insisted Scootaloo. “We want an epic party. Like Rainbow Dash’s!”
“Yes?” said Cheese hesitantly, and Pinkie knew he was checking in with his Cheesy Sense. “Yes!” he added. “Yes, I’ll be there! But tomorrow.”
“AFTER school,” Cheerilee added firmly.
“AW,” her students said, but they obediently turned back to follow their teacher, and the adult ponies, embarrassed that mere fillies and colts were going back to their responsibilities, also turned to go back to their own, until Sweetie Belle asked, “at Sugarcube Corner?”
“No!” said Pinkie, thinking quickly again, “at Twilight’s castle! Castles are great for big parties! And everypony’s invited! Tomorrow! After school! Or maybe the day after that!”
Cheerilee trotted off to the schoolhouse with her students, and everypony else quietly withdrew, just as though they hadn’t run down the street mid-morning hoping for a party. “It’s gonna be abso-tootly-lootly awesometastic!” she called after them. “We’ll let you know!”
“Wow,” said Cheese slowly, watching Cheerilee disappear, “that was amazing.”
“Yup!” Pinkie said, as she slid off his back. “Cheerilee’s a fantabulous teacher. They’ll really like drawing maps this afternoon. They won’t mind waiting for the party. At least, not much.”
“I mean you, too,” Cheese insisted. “How did you get them to leave? They really wanted us to throw them a party. I thought we’d have to for sure.”
“We do have to for sure,” she said, poking him in his cutie mark. “Right? But nopony said it had to be today. And anyhoo, Twilight said you had to stay and help, remember? She said she thought she should have a castle warming, so she wants a party. Or maybe she just thinks everypony else will want to have a party and she’ll do it because she thinks she should. Princesses are funny like that. But she’ll probably want to know there’s a party tomorrow, and we should go tell her, ‘cause she won’t know the way we do.”
Cheese hesitated again, and she wished she could do something about the jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings she was getting from him. He wanted to, he thought maybe he shouldn’t because he wanted to, there was probably another party he was supposed to plan because he wouldn’t be needed if Pinkie were here, and anyway he really, really wanted to, and that was probably a bad thing, and it went on and on. It was awful to listen to, but Pinkie knew she had to sit on her hooves and not interfere, even though all the confusion was muddying his Cheesy Sense, until finally it took matters into its own hooves. Cheese’s hind leg snapped straight out like a piston and thrust him several feet into the air, the accordion on his flank squealing like mad. He floated slowly back to earth, his flank still quivering, but with a peaceful expression on his face.
“Yep,” he said, smiling. “It’s tomorrow, all right. Are we going to Twilight’s castle right now?”
“Kinda,” said Pinkie. “We’re going the long way.”
She turned, he turned with her, and off they went, his long strides perfectly matching two of her bounces. Her tail reached out and started interlacing its curls with his. It did that all on its own, and she didn’t know why, but she and her tail went way back and she trusted it.
“Remember the library? That’s where the library was,” Pinkie said, waving a hoof at the ugly ruin. Some cinders glowed deep in the interior, and a page or two from one of its charred books wafted by them, some of Twilight’s notes in her thin, neat writing still visible in between the lines. Weeks after suffering Tirek’s attack, the tree and the library it had once housed was still dying a prolonged and very public death. Cheese winced.
“Yep,” said Pinkie. “We had some nice parties there. And Twilight had all kinds of books. She was even trying to trade some away, and I guess it was my fault she didn’t. She keeps thinking that maybe if she had given those books to somepony, they’d still be out there somewhere.”
She and the rest of their friends had walked in on Twilight, after all the fuss had died down. She’d been on the floor, sobbing. “My poor books,” she mourned. “So many ponies in those books. Thousands of ponies, generations and generations of ponies, all gone forever.”
“Well, at least they weren’t real ponies,” Rainbow Dash had pointed out. “I mean, who’s gonna die fighting for a couple of books?”
They’d all tried to point out the bright side. Applejack had suggested that it wasn’t an old library, and she hadn’t lost any family, and Fluttershy had mentioned that Owlowiscious was safe, thank goodness, and Rarity had added that at least many of the books weren’t expensive and didn’t have artistic covers. She personally had tried some of her very best balloons twisted into funny animal shapes. But nothing seemed to work, and finally Spike shooed them all away, because when it came to things like this, Spike really knew her best.
“She’s still really sad about it,” Pinkie continued, thinking as she did so that “sad” hardly covered it. “And she lost her home, too, so it would be like if a great big rock came out of the sky, nnnneow, and landed on Sugarcube Corner and the rock farm, poom! and all the cupcakes and little rocks were smooshed into frosting and even littler itty-bitty rocks and I didn’t have anywhere to live or the Cakes or my family, except Maud would still be interested in the rocks, I guess, but anyway, you can imagine!”
Cheese shook his head. “No,” he said, “I really can’t imagine. It makes me feel almost embarrassed about—”
“About Boneless, you mean?” He nodded. “Well, I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, Boneless was almost all you had.”
Cheese shrugged. “He was a rubber chicken. I’ve got Boneless 2 now. They’re both rubber chickens. They’re practically identical.”
Oh, come on, she thought. Even Cheesie can’t think I’d really believe that!
“Well, okay,” he admitted, shifting from hoof to hoof and trying not to meet her gaze, “I did feel a little bad about it, but I knew you must have had a good reason for throwing him away.”
“Throwing him away?” she squeaked. “I would never have thrown Boneless away!”
“‘Dear Cheesie,’” he said, quoting her letter, “‘I’m sorry. I lost Boneless. I threw him at a box, and the box exploded.’”
“Ohhh,” said Pinkie. “It wasn’t really like that. Let’s go to Twilight’s castle now, okay? We have to tell Twilight about the party anyway, and I think it’ll explain a lot.”
~~
“Princess Twilight is not available,” said the small purple dragon seated on Twilight’s desk. He barely looked up as he checked off lines of a very long list, a quill gripped in his claws. “She’s been called to Canterlot by Princess Celestia, but she left me in charge while she was gone. May I be of assistance?”
Cheese shot a glance at Pinkie, but Pinkie just said, “Wow, Spike, you look great! Are you like a Lord Watchamadoodle now?”
Spike looked up and dropped his quill. “Oh, hi, Pinkie!” he said, in a much less formal tone, as he scooted towards the front of the desk. “Yeah, Twilight made me Lord High Chancellor and Lord High Chamberlain, too!”
Actually, the conversation had been something like, “Hey, Twilight! Can I be a Lord Chancellor or a Lord Chamberlain now?” to which Twilight had responded, “sure, Spike. Go ahead. Be both.” It was perfectly fair, though, since as Twilight’s longtime number one assistant, he really was in charge of arranging all her royal appearances and her political duties, too, so he might as well have the titles to go with the job. The new titles clearly made Spike very, very happy, as did the jewel-encrusted sash he was wearing, and Pinkie liked seeing Spike being happy.
“Do you like the sash?” he asked eagerly, thrusting out his chest so Pinkie could admire it better. “There wasn’t any official design yet, so Rarity designed it herself!”
“Ooooo!” Pinkie said, bringing her eyes so close to the sash that they practically touched it. “Sparkly! What happened to that one?” she said, pointing to a purple gem in the center that had been rubbed and polished until it was almost gone.
“That one? Oh, yeah,” said Spike, glancing down. “I keep licking that one. I’m trying to kick the habit, but it’s really tasty. So,” he went on, scooping up some gems from a bowl on the desk and crunching on them, “Cheese Sandwich, huh? Are you going to throw a party, or are you just here to see Pinkie?”
Turning pink under a coat as orange as Cheesie’s really made him look like a sunset, Pinkie noticed. “Both!” she said. “Everypony wants a party tomorrow, and I remembered Twilight said she thought there should be a castle-warming or something, so we wanted to tell her the party is tomorrow.”
“Oh,” said Spike, scooping up some more gems. “The thing is, Twilight’s not going to be home tomorrow. She’s not going to be home until the day after that.”
“Aw,” said Pinkie.
“You could still have the party tomorrow,” said Spike, dangling his short legs over the desk edge. “I’m sure Twilight wouldn’t mind. I could make sure you have everything you need. Can I help?”
“Thanks, Spike, but I don’t think the party would be the same without Twilight. I mean, warming a castle when the owner isn’t in it doesn’t sound very warm. Funny, though,” she said, tapping her chin with her hoof, “‘cause we were sure it was tomorrow.”
“Are . . . are you sure?” said Cheese, and Pinkie knew he was still worried that something was wrong with his Cheesy Sense again. Maybe it wasn’t really his Cheesy Sense telling him to stay. Maybe it was just because he wanted to be here instead. Maybe he was kidding himself and blocking out another party he was really supposed to plan. Maybe he was supposed to be on his way to Vanhoover right now. Maybe—
Spike’s cheeks began to bulge, his eyes crossed, and he belched an enormous jet of green flame. He unrolled the scroll that had dropped to the desk, and said, “huh. What do you know? She’s coming back earlier than she thought. She’ll be back tonight, and I bet she’ll want to go to bed early, after having to get up at all hours for emergencies and then travel to Canterlot. But I’m sure she’ll say yes to a party tomorrow.”
“See?” exclaimed Pinkie. “Pinkie Sense never lies. And neither does Cheesy Sense,” she added, glancing at Cheese. “We knew the party was tomorrow. Come on, Cheesie. I want to show you something.”
~~
“Twilight’s still really sad about the library,” she said, as she led him through the castle, “and she’s been busy doing princess-y things, so she hasn’t been around much, but I’ve been everywhere exploring, and I keep finding new stuff. Slides, a bubble maker, doors that lead right into brick walls—I mean, it’s even got a really truly dungeon! Who knew? And when Twilight moved in, there was hardly anything here. Know what I think? I think the castle is building itself. It’s making new stuff all the time. Especially stuff that’s funny.” She pushed open a wide set of double doors. Beyond it, there was a grand corridor, and beyond that, the Circle of Friendship.
Cheese was looking all around as they trotted through the Great Hall: at the great, arching ceiling; at the strange, crystalline columns; at the Gothic windows, now all plain glass, but which would slowly be filled with stained glass honoring those who had done something wise or good; and she knew that what he really wanted to see were those trick doors. “You mean the castle has a sense of humor?”
“Of course, silly,” she said, leaning on him with both front hooves. “It’s got me! The hall’s great for sliding in, too. Woohoo!” she squealed, skidding down the polished stone floor, and ending with a quick, dizzying spin. “See? Almost as good as ice if you’ve got your iron horseshoes on!” She noticed the long scratches that marked Cheese’s and her progress down the hall, shrugged, and pushed open a second set of doors, revealing a perfectly round room with a deep royal purple floor.
Cheese trotted around the thrones arranged in a circle at the center of the hall: one for her; five more for Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash; and a smaller one for Spike to Twilight’s right. He paused in front of the one with three balloons: two blue ones and a yellow one. “That’s yours?”
“Yep. Toldja I had an amazing new chair. I was kind of disappointed in it at first. It’s hard, and it’s too big, and it doesn’t vroom around or do anything cool. Twilight’s the bestest, though. She let me fix it up a little. See?”
She pointed to the seat cushion, which was made of shiny satin, almost as puffy and pink as Pinkie herself. “They put these fancy stitched-up pillows on after the seats got cold. Rarity loves hers, but I like mine better. This way my hind end doesn’t go to sleep. Go ahead and give it a try!”
She boosted Cheese into her chair. He tossed his black hat high into the air, caught the fez that floated back down, and put it on. “Huh,” he said, crossing his hind legs and leaning on one arm, “not bad.” His front leg slipped off the arm and he slid down onto his back, all four legs in the air. “The satin’s a little slippery, Pinkie,” he called from within the depths of the seat cushions.
Pinkie giggled. “Yeah. I wanted it to be made of marshmallows, but it kept sticking in my tail, and you know how hard it is to get sticky stuff out of curly tails.”
Cheese crawled up out of the cushions so that his head and front legs were visible, and made a face. “Candy apple coating. It’s the worst.”
“I know!” exclaimed Pinkie, bouncing a little to be able to keep eye contact. “It takes forever to eat it all off!”
Cheese disappeared again. “What’s down here?” he said, his voice muffled.
“I think I left some chocolate caramels in there,” she called back. “Are they melted?”
He popped back up again, chewing something. “Mostly no. Nice chair, Pinkie. Kind of squishy, it’s got snacks, but I wouldn’t want to have to sit here all day.”
“Me neither!” exclaimed Pinkie. “And that’s how I found it out. Twilight had us all sitting here and she was explaining stuff about what we were all supposed to do, and it didn’t sound like anything different from what I do now. Anyway, it went on for forty-five minutes and Rainbow Dash was already asleep and drooling, and I was so bored and I just started poking stuff. See my cutie mark back there?” she said, pointing, and Cheese turned and looked at it.
“This one?”
“Yep. Jab it right there, with your hoof. Right in the middle, a nice sharp jab.”
Cheese jabbed at the cutie mark, and a small drawer popped out with a clicking noise. Inside, on a rose pink lining, lay a small golden key, with the end shaped like Pinkie Pie’s three balloon cutie mark.
“Turn it over.”
Cheese carefully picked it up with his mouth and dropped it back on the lining so its reverse could be seen. There, nestled in the center, was a golden topaz, cut unmistakably in the shape of a small rubber chicken. “Boneless,” he murmured.
“Yep,” said Pinkie, leaning her front legs on the chair. “That’s him.”
Cheese looked at it wordlessly for a while, and then looked back down at her, his eyes glittering. “Do all the keys have things on the back?”
Pinkie thought about this for a moment. “I don’t know,” she said at last. “Boneless was different. He was a gift. I gave him to you and you gave him back to me. He was pretty special. And besides, Boneless wasn’t a thing. Boneless was a friend.” She looked up at Cheese, but he was staring at the contents of the drawer again. “Here, Cheesie,” she said. “Scootch over.”
She scrambled up beside Cheese. It was sort of a tight fit, but not too tight if you liked the pony you were sitting next to. “Did I ever tell you about my Granny Pie? Anyway, one time when I was a filly, I was really afraid that some day she would go away and I’d never see her again, and she said your real friends don’t ever really leave you. They always leave something, even if you don’t see them anymore. I always hoped she was right later on, because it was so hard when she really did go away.”
She leaned against Cheese and felt him relax. “Granny Pie was right. She was a pretty smart cookie. She left me laughter. If Granny Pie hadn’t showed me, I don’t know if I would ever have laughed at all, and if it weren’t for Rainbow Dash, I might not ever have laughed again, and I wouldn’t have been in Ponyville or given you Boneless or anything.”
“Things were bad, Cheesie. They were really bad, and we knew we had to open this box thing, and Twilight kept trying to solve everything with books, and she always looks in all the wrong books when she does that, and finally we had our things lined up and Twilight was all out of ideas and I screamed at Boneless because I just knew he could solve it for us. And he did.”
“I don’t have this chair because I’m smart or anything; I just like to bake cupcakes and make friends and make other ponies smile. I’m here because I’m Twilight’s friend, and you’re here because you’re my friend, and Boneless is here because he was both of our friends, and that’s how I knew Boneless wasn’t really gone, and I was right. And you need a hug.” She gave him one.
Cheese pushed the door shut. He seemed to be thinking very hard. “So Boneless is here—permanently?”
“Guess so! Don’t ask me what it means, ‘cause I have no idea and it took me a long time to figure even this bit out and now my brain is tired. All you have to know is that he’s safe here right near me and he’s not going anywhere.”
Cheese nodded. “Thanks for showing me, Pinkie. I wanted to know what happened, but I really didn’t want to ask.” He slid out of the chair, Pinkie jumped down beside him, and they trotted through the castle entrance and out the door. “So what’s next? Some party planning?”
“Nope,” she said. “TAG!” and she barreled off down one of the roads leading out of Ponyville, giggling madly. As she looked back, she could see Cheese shifting into top speed, which was party pony top speed and pretty speedy, though of course not anything like what she could do if she really wanted to lose him. She slowed down just a little—not enough so he could catch her, but just enough to make him think that he might, and to keep the chase interesting. Meanwhile, she was leading him towards a nice meadow she knew far on the outskirts of town, where two party ponies could really play a good game of tag and not be interrupted by a lot of other ponies who wouldn’t be able to keep up, and besides, today, she really wanted him all to herself.
The high meadow grass and tall meadow flowers were perfect for party pony tag. It rippled against their shoulders as they tore by, and quivered as one of them hid in its depths, crawling closer and closer towards the other before rocketing upwards, screaming “surprise!” and then taking off again.
Over at Sweet Apple Acres, Granny Smith rubbed her eyes. She could have sworn she saw sheet lightning up near the high grasslands: yellow and pink rippling flashes, accompanied by crashing noises. She’d seen it all in her time, but still she muttered, “mighty strange weather for midsummer,” before dozing off for another nap.
Even party ponies couldn’t play tag at that speed all afternoon, however, and finally they flung themselves down in the high grass, caught their breath, laughing, and chewed a few fresh mouthfuls. Cheese’s eyes began to droop, and Pinkie remembered that he hadn’t had any sleep the night before, so she simply kept chewing quietly and let him fall asleep where he was.
She wasn’t sleepy at all, of course, even though she’d lost most of her sleep, too, and it was such a nice warm day that maybe she’d close her eyes a bit after all.
When she opened them next, the sun was quite a bit further down in the sky. It wasn’t quite so warm, and she was practically nose-to-nose with Cheese, who still seemed to be asleep, and she didn’t want to wake him up. Cheese’s eyes half-opened, he smiled sleepily, said “good morning, beautiful,” and kissed her on the nose.
She was a little startled, but not nearly as much as Cheese was. He gasped in horror, “Pinkie, I’m so sorry!” and backpedaled so fast that he left a long trail of flattened grass in his wake. And then he truly began to panic.
He was right on the edge of the sort of panic that makes ponies run straight into dangerous places, and she knew she had to stop him. She moved in front of him so quickly that she didn’t exactly run at all—she simply was there. This would have been enough to stop almost any pony, but unfortunately, Cheese was a party pony, and he somersaulted over her back and kept going. She had to dart in front of him over and over, blocking his path and herding him back towards the center of the meadow, but even though he was no longer running, he was still panicking. He said, “Pinkie, I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry, Pinkie,” over and over, and couldn’t seem to stop.
Pinkie could feel his panic almost as well as if it were her own, mixed with at least a dozen other emotions: guilt, embarrassment, relief, and soaring happiness. Underneath them all, of course, was love, but then, that was always there, like the bottom note of an accordion chord. That never went away. It was clear, deep, and steady, and it was why it was so easy for her to hear him.
The noise from his clashing thoughts and emotions, mixed in with his anxious babbling of “I am so sorry, Pinkie,” was so confusing that after the 67th and a half time, she finally put her hoof over his mouth and snapped, “quiet, Cheesie! I can’t hear you think!”
His eyes widened in shock. “It’s ok!” she added quickly. “I liked it.” She took her hoof off his mouth.
Cheese opened and closed his mouth a few times without any noise coming out before finally saying, “You did?”
“Sure!” she said. “My friends and I boop each other on the nose all the time!”
“Oh,” said Cheese, and let out a long, deep breath.
She thought for a moment. “That was different, though,” she said. “Do it again.”
“Wait, what?” Cheese stammered, backing up. Pinkie hoped he wouldn’t go into flight mode again. “You mean . . . kiss you? Here? As in, now?”
“Yep!”
Cheese ran his hoof through his mane until it stood straight up, like a brush. “I’m not sure I can do that,” he said, looking down at the grass.
“You just did,” Pinkie pointed out.
His head came up. “Yeah, but I wasn’t thinking about it! I can’t just kiss you in . . . in cold blood like that!”
Pinkie was beginning to feel very annoyed. “Oh, for crying out loud, Cheese Sandwich, you just shut up and kiss me right now!”
Cheese swallowed, but she wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He laughed.
“What am I missing here, Pinkie?” he wheezed. “The cheese wheels? Balloon animals? An alpenhorn? An audience? Because you have got to be pulling my leg.”
She simply stood there, glowering at him. If he kept laughing at her like that, though, he was really going to hurt her feelings. He stopped laughing.
“You’re really not kidding me, are you,” he said, and it wasn’t a question. He sighed. “Oh, all right. You’re probably just going to change your mind, but that’s okay.” He looked up at the sky. “Sunset’s in a few hours, and I’d like to go for a walk. Meet me in about an hour in front of Sugarcube Corner, ok?”
“I don’t see what sunset and walking and Sugarcube Corner have to do with anything when you could just kiss me now.”
Cheese rolled his eyes. “Just humor me, Pinkie.”
Well, if it involved something funny, she was so there!
Pinkie decided she’d better pack a picnic. Cheesie wasn’t so good about food. He was great at parties, and his fondue was totally yummy, but she wasn’t sure if this counted as a party or not. If it wasn’t a party, she’d rather bring something they could eat than wind up in the hospital, because while Cheesie could definitely make anyplace funner, there was no way anypony could actually make the hospital fun. She was very careful about what she packed, making sure it was a sensibly balanced meal. Honestly, she thought, snorting with irritation, everypony thought she was some kind of foal who didn’t even know the difference between mares and stallions, and she knew perfectly well, thank you very much. Mares liked chocolate and ice cream, and stallions liked chips and pretzels and things with a lot of cheese on it. Oh, and one could have cute little baby ponies and the other couldn’t, but that wasn’t so important for a picnic. She thought briefly about putting in some more of what Twilight or Applejack would probably call “real food,” shrugged, and threw a checked cloth over the top of the picnic basket.
By the time Pinkie left Sugarcube Corner with her basket, the late afternoon sunshine was already casting long shadows, and at first, she couldn’t see Cheese at all. Then she realized that he was lounging in one of the shadows, hat pulled down, one leg crossed over the other, a noisemaker in his mouth. He almost looked unfriendly. Before she could ask why he was hiding over there, he glanced up, saw she was there, and sprang into the air with a happy cry and a burst of confetti. “Pinkie! It’s you!”
Pinkie looked around behind her. “Yepsidoodle, it’s me. Who else did you think it would be? You looked kinda spooky, hiding back there.”
Cheese trotted forward. “I wasn’t trying to be spooky. I just didn’t want everypony to see me waiting for you.”
“You could have come inside, silly!”
“I didn’t think of that. I just stood there, feeling dumb, and some of the fillies and colts from this morning wanted to know when the party was, and I said, ‘tomorrow,’ and they seemed to think that if they kept staring at me, the party would happen a little faster. Then they asked me to juggle, which was fine, and then some of the fillies started asking was I waiting for anypony, and was it a special somepony, and did I liiiiiike her, and I panicked and hid. Are they gone?”
“I don’t see anypony,” said Pinkie. Cheese just stood there, looking uncomfortable. “Did you still want to go for a walk? ‘Cause you could try kissing me right here, if you want. I don’t mind.”
“Walk,” said Cheese. “Definitely walk.” They turned and headed in the opposite direction from the one they’d taken this morning.
Pinkie talked for a few minutes about packing, candy, rocks, why melons get mushy, the Equestria Games, the Wonderbolts, and more rocks, and then she noticed that Cheesie was exceptionally quiet. Do I talk too much? she thought. Everypony thinks I do. I guess I could talk about that. “Do I talk too much, Cheesie?” she asked. “ ‘Cause you’re super quiet over there and I don’t like thinking you’re grumpy, but you don’t feel grumpy and I don’t get what’s going on, and I’m not used to that, so I think you’ll have to tell me this time.”
He stopped for a moment and swung his head around. “Is there anypony following us?” he said, his voice dropping low.
She looked around. “I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?” he insisted. “Because they do that—follow us, I mean.”
He really did look worried, and she put her hoof on his shoulder. “It’s ok, Cheesie. The fillies and colts think ‘party today,’ and you know they’re right, because it’s always today.”
She could feel that he did understand that. To a party pony, tomorrow was just a today that hadn’t happened yet. “But the grown ponies understand ‘tomorrow,’ and we told them ‘party tomorrow,’ so they’ll just go home and dream about the party, and we’ll make sure that it’s the best castle-warming party ever. So really, the party is happening now. Just not right-this-minute now.”
He nodded, but he smiled this time. “You,” he said, “are good. I wouldn’t have thought of that. I was just worried, because they always follow us when we’re happy.” His smile became a really super duper smile that went all the way to the corners of his mouth. “And I am really so happy, Pinkie. You have no idea. I’m so happy that I thought they’d be following us for miles. And . . . and . . . I’m happy I can go ahead and be really happy, and I am so glad that—” he grabbed her in a hug and whirled her around until she giggled. “That happy. Plus, I just like listening to your voice. Tell me more about the rocks.” His amble forward had a little extra bounce in it, and soon she was bouncing beside him, and everything was Easy-Cheesie again.
“Nope! I want to hear about what happened in Manehattan. That must have been a doozy!”
“It was a doozy,” he said, lifting his eyebrows with a smug little smile. “You felt that one, did you?”
“Are you kidding me? It was awesome! I had to go and lie down afterwards! What did you do?”
And soon they were swapping stories comfortably again, mixing shoptalk with adventures, jokes, and just plain silliness as they took one of the streets that became a road out of town, and then they left the road. While it wasn’t a real road, it did look familiar. Cheese stopped. “You remember this place?”
She looked around at the clearing, the red rocks, and the overlook with the scrub desert stretching before them. “I think so,” she said slowly.
“This is as far as I got outside Ponyville, that first time I tried to leave,” he said, and pulled out a large roll of fabric. “I got this far, and no further, until you joined me. I thought it was a coincidence, but now I think it’s some kind of a line. What do you think?”
She tried bouncing around a bit—a circle forward, a circle backward, a figure eight, and then skipping back and forth as though she were playing hopscotch. “Yep,” she said. “You’re right. The line’s here. Over there is where Ponyville really ends. This is not-Ponyville.” She looked over at Cheese, who was unrolling a blanket by pushing it with his nose, and then placing a lantern filled with fireflies at the edge.
He lifted his head. “And that’s why I brought you here. You made me think of it, when you were talking about Twilight’s home, and your home on the rock farm and Sugarcube Corner, and I thought you’d like to see mine.” He took the picnic basket from her and placed it down on the blanket.
“Not-Ponyville?” said Pinkie, looking out at the scrub desert.
Cheese spun in a circle, his forelegs flung out. “This,” he said. “Not-Ponyville, not-Appleloosa, not-Canterlot; all of this. It’s practically a palace, don’t you think?” he said, laughing. “It’s certainly beautiful enough.” He gestured towards the blanket as gracefully as though he were pulling out a chair. Pinkie settled herself down, her legs tucked under her, as Cheese whirled around to face her. “I guess some would say I’m the Prince of Nowhere.” He dropped down so that he was next to her. “But I wouldn’t. I think I’m something better.”
“What’s that?” said Pinkie, who had never heard him talking like this.
“I’m a party pony,” he said, his body utterly relaxed. “I don’t have to own things. Although I do,” he said thoughtfully. “I guess the hats and the party bomb and all of that stuff does count. Anyway, this is it. It’s my home. All of this is mine.”
Pinkie looked at everything Cheese had gestured at. Not-Everywhere sounded too big for her, but not-Somewhere . . . She noticed a little hill some distance away. It had a soft meadow to roll on, and the sunlight was just beginning to tint it gold. “Could I have that bit?” she said, pointing at it.
“Of course you can!” he said, laughing. “I’d give you all of it, if I could.” He cleared his throat. “But, um, really, it’s everypony’s.” He dove into the picnic basket and pulled the checked cloth over his head. “Oh, hey, you brought sandwiches. Grass sandwiches, too. Boneless 2’s favorite.”
He started pulling food out of the basket, and Pinkie noticed that he didn’t say, “oh, you didn’t have to do this” or anything like it. She did have to do this, and he knew it, so there wasn’t any point in saying so. She didn’t have to explain things. That was such a comfortable thought that she rolled on her back from side to side, legs in the air.
Cheese looked over at her from where he was piling up stuff for a fire—old boxes, broken instruments, crushed party horns, and all the junk party ponies tended to collect, especially after a really epic party—and smiled at her until his eyes crinkled. “Maybe I can’t read you as well as you read me,” he said, “but I know exactly what you mean.” He exploded a cigar to light the fire, dropped back on the blanket next to her, and pushed her the plate of sandwiches. They really were very good sandwiches, she thought, and this was a very good sunset.
“Isn’t Not-Anywhere a lonely place to be?” she wondered aloud. “All by yourself?”
He looked up in surprise. “I’m not alone. I have Boneless 2. And there’s all the ponies all over Equestria when I give parties and play for them. Making them happy is the best thing in the world, isn’t it? I just like coming back here when I’m done.”
She shook her head as she shoved over a basket of chips. She didn’t have to ask if she was right about stallions and salty food. “That sounds too much like the rock farm for me. I guess it’s different when you’re from Manehattan.”
“I’m not from Manehattan,” Cheese said, with his mouth full. “Did I ever say I was? I’m from Bayroan, Neigh Jersey.”
“But I thought you said—”
Cheese swallowed. “When other ponies ask where you’re from, you usually say ‘a rock farm,’ don’t you? You don’t say where. You don’t say, ‘oh, it’s near Nickerlite,’ because they’ll just say “where?”
Pinkie’s eyes bulged. “You knew our rock farm is near Nickerlite?” She stuffed an entire Rainbow Funfetti Chocolate Cotton Candy cupcake in her mouth at once, and then said “mm,” and ate another.
He shrugged. “I said I liked listening to you. Just because your voice is perfect doesn’t mean I tune out the content. So somepony says, ‘oh, Noo Yoke—you mean Manehattan,’ and I got tired of saying “no, Neigh Jersey’ because they just say ‘where?’ or they start making a lot of really annoying jokes, so now I just say, ‘yuh-huh,’ and let it go.”
Pinkie hadn’t heard Cheesie talk so much about himself at one time, or even at all, and she didn’t know why he was doing it now. He was upset and not-upset and relieved, and this time she thought she’d just listen, because she wanted to hear what he was going to say next. He was also thirsty, though, so she pushed over some water first.
“Oh,” he said. “Thanks. We talk a lot where I’m from. Anyhow, there are lots of ponies in Bayroan. The houses are so close together that I could stand on two porches at once back when I was still a colt. But they’re mostly not happy ponies, and I want to make everypony happy as much as you do, so—”
“So you get tired out,” she said. “I see.”
And there was the difference between them, she thought, as the sun slipped below the horizon and the sky grew dark. Cheesie was always going to want to be alone when he wasn’t making other ponies happy, and she was always going to want to be with as many ponies as possible. She was always going to want to live somewhere, and he was always going to want to be not-Somewhere. Thinking about this was beginning to make her sad.
“We don’t all have to be the same, you know,” he said softly. “If all of us were the same, we couldn’t make other ponies happy. We couldn’t spread Joy. Funny’s what we do. And besides, you’re going everywhere anyway, Pinkie Pie.”
“How?” she asked, eating another cupcake, because cupcakes were the best thing when you felt sad.
“Because I’m carrying your magic now,” he said. “I thought that was over when Boneless was –lost—gone—whatever; but now I don’t think so. I have mine, and I have some of yours, too. Every time I see you, even when I think of you, it touches off your magic. There are fillies and colts singing the Smile Song wherever I go. Sometimes they know it before I even get there. There are ponies laughing because of you that you haven’t even met. You matter.”
She looked at him, and deep in his eyes, she saw something or somepony, a blaze of pink; what pure happiness would look like if happiness were a pony. If Cheese had ever met a pony like that, no wonder he was so happy. She thought that maybe if she knew a pony like that, she’d always be happy, too. But something deep inside told her not to ask questions about this. She just wondered at the blaze of pink, and the happiness Cheese was radiating.
She felt him wrapping his tail around her. It wasn’t the involuntary tangling she’d felt before. This was slow and deliberate, and felt very good; like a hug, only better. Maybe cupcakes weren’t the best thing when you were sad.
The darkness was beginning to look beautiful now. It wasn’t sad at all. Out here, in Cheese’s not-Anywhere, the sky was carpeted with stars. “When we were waking up this afternoon,” she said, “and you kissed my nose, you said ‘good morning, Beautiful.’”
Cheese covered his face with his hooves. “I knew you were going to ask about that.”
She didn’t ask anything more. She knew he was going to tell her. She knew with a certainty that he wanted to tell her.
“Pinkie,” said Cheese, “when you wake up first thing in the morning, what color is the sky?”
“Pink. Oh!” Suddenly she realized what he was saying, and felt herself turning an even deeper pink than usual. “The morning sky is pink.”
“Then there’s your answer,” he said, looking at something on the ground—anything that wasn’t her.
“You think of me every morning?”
“Yep. Hard not to, when the sky is that pink!” he said, laughing again, and squeezing her tail with his own. “Every morning, it’s as though I see you running just before the sunrise, and the sky lights up in brilliant pink. I can practically hear your laugh, and sometimes I’d swear that I do.”
Cheese wasn’t looking at her now, but towards what must be the east, almost as though he were expecting something or somepony. “I feel your magic lighting me up, and you fill me with Joy, and I want to run and share it with other ponies and give away as much of it as I can. But before I do, I always say hello and tell you how beautiful you are. ‘Good morning, Beautiful.’”
“Although sometimes,” he added, facing her again and turning as crimson as the fiery sunset they’d just seen, “I say it as though you were here with me. So now you know my stupid little secret.”
He said good morning to her, every morning. She didn’t know that, but she’d somehow known that he must, so why did it feel different when he told her so?
“Did you still want me to kiss you, Pinkie?”
She nodded. Now that it had actually come to this, she found she really was a little nervous.
Did you keep your eyes open or shut or what? First she thought she should keep her eyes open, but Cheesie’s eyes got kinda stare-y like that, and she guessed hers did as well, because he pulled back and rubbed his eyes with his hooves for a while. His muzzle got in the way, and then her muzzle got in the way, until they both began to wonder how other ponies did this at all. Cheese burst out laughing until he rolled onto his back, and Pinkie did, too, because it was so silly. Then he stopped laughing, sat up, and said, “hey,” and wrapped his front leg around her neck and kissed her, just as simple as that. And that wasn’t quite so silly, but it was warm and very, very sweet, sweeter than Rainbow Funfetti Chocolate Cotton Candy cupcakes, and something in her chest hammered, and she wanted to rocket straight up into the sky and explode from all the happy, but she’d have to stop being kissed first and she was enjoying herself right where she was.
Pinkie thought she’d like to see what happened next, but Cheesie said he was really tired and he was going to get some sleep now and she should, too, although Pinkie knew this was a big, fat fib, and that he couldn’t possibly be tired after that long nap this afternoon, and she certainly wasn’t a bit tired herself. She decided she would just pretend to sleep, but really she’d be awake, because she didn’t want to fall asleep in case something exciting happened after all and she would have missed the whole thing. She curled herself up into a rebellious, determined, and very happy little ball, but not before noticing that Cheesie slept on his back. He looked very silly. She giggled.
Yes, Pinkie thought, she definitely had liked being kissed.
~~
Cheese opened one eye and sneaked a glimpse at Pinkie Pie. She was absolutely adorable curled up like that. When she was asleep, it was easier to forget that she was Joy Herself, the Laughter-Bearer, the source of his magic, and his muse. Instead of the bright, almost blinding radiance he’d seen sometimes and which evidently only he saw, she was surrounded by a warm, rosy glow. He might be the only pony who saw that, either, but for an entirely different reason. She looked like what she was: a small, perfectly rounded pink mare, a grown-up version of the cute filly with messy pink curls he’d seen on the day his life changed forever.
She kept doing that, changing his life forever.
He reached out and allowed one curly lock to fall over his hoof. She really was as soft and squeezable as he’d thought, and her coat plusher than he’d imagined, and the overwhelmingly sweet smell of her had made him dizzy, but a good kind of dizzy; the kind of dizzy that made him cling to her tighter and pull her closer. He was always going to admire her, and she’d always be his inspiration, but right now he didn’t want to admire or be inspired. He merely wanted to snuggle. And maybe they would, later, when she was awake.
He kept screwing things up, like agreeing to a Goof-Off or accidentally trying to kiss her, and yet somehow it had all turned out ok. He’d always been surprised when other ponies didn’t take Pinkie seriously, or when they assumed she was too foalish or silly to know what was good for her, but maybe he’d been doing the same thing. Maybe Pinkie was the sort of mare who could make almost anything turn out ok. He could easily believe that.
He could see just a little bit of pre-dawn light now. Soon Celestia would raise the sun and Dawn would tint the world pink: brilliant and radiant as Pinkie Pie, bringing so much Joy with her that every morning he found himself welcoming her with a smile and murmuring, “good morning, Beautiful.” There was a long day of party planning and making other ponies happy ahead of them, and after that, who knew what would happen. They still had all the same problems, but he’d kissed her once, and that was everything.
He smiled. In a few minutes, Pinkie Pie would wake up.
