Red Menace
As you sit at your house with your feet up on the couch, you play with your laser pointer by drawing invisible dicks on the wall. A knock is heard on your door, interrupting you from your phallus crafting. You get up and answer the door to see Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash standing there.
"Hey girls, what's up?"
Pinkie bounces up to eye level with you, "We just wanted to come hang out with one of our super dooper looperest best friends ever!"
How she manages to say all of that before touching the ground, you don't know. You've learned not to question the Pinkie Pie.
"Alright well come on in then."
You step aside and you shut the door once they all walk past. Rainbow lays on the couch, Fluttershy sits on the chair, and Pinkie goes into your kitchen. As you stand there you pull out the laser pointer, aim it at the wall, and click it on. Rainbow's head snaps to the wall as soon as it moves. She follows it with her eyes.
She waves a hoof in Fluttershy's direction while still looking at the mysterious red ball, "Fluttershy! Do you see that?!"
Fluttershy follows her eyes to the red dot, "See what Rainbo-"
She notices it as well and watches as you draw circles. You lower your hand to your side before Rainbow looks over.
She looks shocked, "You see it too, right Anon?!"
You feign confusion, "Yeah what is that?"
Pinkie comes up out of the trashcan right next to that wall and tries to hit it. You quickly move your hand up and guide it away. How the fuck did she even-Oh wait, that's Pinkie. Rainbow flies at the wall and you move the dot to the floor when she dual hoof punches the wall. Pinkie falls over in the trashcan trying to get it with her hooves.
You move the dot up onto the couch and Rainbow watches carefully before diving onto it. When she hits the couch you move the dot to Pinkie's head. Rainbow flies over to get it and headbutts with Pinkie. As they stay there dazed, you move it back to the wall.
Fluttershy flies over slowly and goes up to the dot.
"U-Um... Hello? My name is Fluttershy. What's yours?"
You try to contain your laughter as she speaks to a light thinking it's an animal. You move it a little bit towards her.
She backs up, "I-I don't mean to offend you."
You move it back and forwards a little bit more and she flies to the couch.
She looks terrified of this speck of light now, "I'M SORRY!"
You guide the dot over to the couch and she scoots back.
"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
She continues to scoot back until there is no more room on the couch. You follow her with it. It comes close to her crotch and she can't take it anymore. Her legs shake and she puts her forelegs up to cover her face.
She lets out a loud screech, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
She empties her bladder on your couch in pure terror of this dot. By now, Rainbow has just gotten up and helped Pinkie up as well. She flies at the dot and smacks against the couch that's soaked in piss.
"AUGH GROSS!"
She flies up and shakes it off. Once she's done shaking her fur, she notices the dot there again. Instead of pouncing, she watches the dot carefully. You move it up to Fluttershy's visible vagina, then you click it off.
"OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO!"
Fluttershy puts her legs back down and then notices Rainbow's horrified expression.
"W-What is it Rainbow?"
"Fluttershy I need you to relax when I tell you this."
Fluttershy begins hyperventilating as sweat rolls down her face.
"I think that it went inside of you."
Her eyes go wide, "WHAT?!"
Pinkie comes over.
"NOPONY PANIC! I'll do it!"
Rainbow begins to ask, "But Pinkie how are you going to-"
Pinkie brings a hoof up to her mouth and blows on it. The other one grows fingers.
"Don't worry Fluttershy! I'll get this thing out of you!"
"N-NO WAIT!"
Pinkie doesn't listen and pushes her fingered hoof onto Fluttershy's privates, forcing a few of the blown up fingers inside of her friend in search for a red dot. The raw amount of insanity you are currently experiencing would kill the average man. You just can't contain your sides and bend forward, putting your hands on your legs laughing your ass off.
Rainbow flies over angrily, "Anon this isn't funny! We could have a serious problem here!"
You don't respond because you're too busy laughing. Pinkie Pie pulls her hoof out of Fluttershy's vagina and looks over.
Her hoof fingers deflate as she says, "I couldn't find it!"
Fluttershy is panting and blushing a bit. She stops when she notices everyone looking at her.
Rainbow takes her by the hoof, "We have to get you to the hospital right away! Come on Pinkie!"
You're still laughing as Pinkie helps carry Fluttershy out the door with Rainbow. You look to the laser pointer in your hand.
“Oh god this is gonna be a fun day.”
You stand up straight and rush out of the house, looking for ways to cause trouble with this laser pointer. You run until you get to Twilight's tree.
“Time to have some fun.”
You creep over to the window and crack it open. Doing a scan of the area around you to see if anyone is watching, you see no one. Twilight sits inside reading a book and Spike is organizing the shelves. You click on the pointer and aim it at Twilight's book. Her attention moves from the words to the dot when you move it to the floor. She places the book back on the shelf with magic and begins to follow the dot.
She asks Spike as she watches the dot, "Spike do you see this?"
She follows it around for a while before Spike turns around.
He looks curious, "Whoa what is that?"
When he walks over and bends down to see what it is, you shake it. He jumps back in fear. Twilight, thinking it somehow pushed him, fires a blast of magic at the dot. It was too fast for you to see coming and you don't manage to move it. Her face shows extreme fear when the smoke clears and a smoldering hole goes through the floor, but the dot remains unscathed.
You slowly move the dot closer to the purple pony. She scoots Spike behind her and then shoots another blast of magic at it. You move it to the shelf and she fires there, turning the books there to dust. Quickly, you move it to her hooves and she jumps up higher than you thought was possible for a pony who is not Pinkie Pie. She lands across the room and you point the dot at Spike's belly.
He looks at Twilight confused as to why she is staring at him with such terror in her eyes.
"Spike... Spike don't move."
"IS IT ON ME?!"
You shake it around and then move it to his forehead.
"Spike! Calm down! It's on your head and I'm gonna try to get rid of it."
"How are you gonna do that?!"
Her horn glows, "Just hold still Spike."
She fires a huge purple beam of magic at Spike. You click the pointer off and watch the spectacle. It explodes, sending off firework-like lights around the room and temporarily blinding you. When it stops, Spike's spikes are charred and bent all the way back. The wall behind him has a huge hole in it from the magic that just blew through it.
Twilight smiles at Spike, "That did the trick!"
You point over to her chest and click it on. Spike looks as if he's seen a ghost the instant he looks at Twilight's chest.
"T-Twilight..."
"Yes Spike?"
He points to her chest and she looks down.
She throws her head up and starts running around in circles, "AAHHHHHH GETITOFFGETITOFF!"
She runs out into town screaming at the top of her lungs with Spike close behind her. You click the laser pointer off and fall over laughing.
You smile as you look at the laser pointer, “God damn it can this day get any better?”
As you sit there smiling like a dork, you look up and see Carousel Boutique in the distance.
You nod to yourself, “I wonder what Rarity is doing...”
You head over to Carousel Boutique to see what Rarity's reaction will be to the simple dot. When you get there, you knock on the door a few times. The door opens and Rarity stands there with a smile.
"Hello Anonymous! How may I help you?"
"Oh I just wanted to come for a visit to see how you were."
"Aww how sweet of you! Come on inside then."
You do as told and enter her abode. She closes the door behind you and then motions for you to move onto the couch. When you sit down, you pull out the laser pointer and hold it in your hand behind your body so she cannot see it. She sits down next to you and smiles.
"So how have you been Anonymous?"
"I've been pretty happy today actually."
You click the laser on and begin moving it slowly.
"How about you Rarity?"
"Oh well you know me, I always have to-"
She stops talking and her eyes shift over to the wall. You turn around and see the dot now rests just above the window.
"What in Equestria is this?"
She stands up and is about to go over there... about to get in the line of sight where she can see the pointer.
You have to do something! QUICK!
"NO RARITY!"
She stops dead in her tracks and stares at you.
"That's a flesh eating bug from the Everfree! You don't want to touch that!"
When you say that you move it a little and she backs away.
Rarity jumps back and waves a hoof as if she is shooing it away, "Get it out get it out get it out!"
You move it down the wall and across the floor over to her. She tries to run to the door, but you put it there before she can reach.
She stops in front of the door, staring at the red light she believes to be a bug, "Anonymous don't just sit there, help me!"
"How can I help you?!"
"Kill it!"
Using your brain to devise a stunning plan, you take off your shoe.
"Alright Rarity! I'm gonna get it!"
Holding the pointer completely in a fist with your right hand, you walk towards where you are pointing it with the shoe raised high in the other. When you get close, you turn your hand to move the dot and then your body to make it seem like you're watching it. You begin walking over towards Rarity as you move the dot closer to her as well.
"Anonymoouuuus!"
She moves past a chest of jewels she has. You guide the dot over to the chest and both of you watch it. Rarity looks over at you and you look back at her.
You take a deep breath and give her a fake smile, "Well at least it's not multiplying."
Her jaw drops, "IT CAN MULTIPLY?!"
"Yeah, whenever it reaches any kind of shiny thing it will duplicate nearly billions of times in a second."
"...Anonymous."
"Yeah?"
She points to the dot which you are slowly bringing up the chest. Before she can speak again, you shine it in the chest of jewels. The beam bounces all around them and goes everywhere in the room. You look down and see a few on your chest. Rarity looks at you and then you fall back on the couch still pointing the laser at the chest.
You try to scratch at your body with your free hand, "AUUUGHHH THEY'RE EATING ME! SAVE YOURSELF! AAAHHHHHH!"
Rarity, unable to function at this point, does what she does best.
She takes off running out the door while screaming, “WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAHHHHHH!"
You click the pointer off and nearly shit yourself laughing to tears on her couch.
You hold your sides after your laughing fit, “Jesus Christ I'm going to die if this shit keeps up...”
A glare from the window hits your eye, making you look over. You see Sweet Apple Acres in the distance and a smirk forms on your face. It's time for a nice visit to your good friend Applejack.
…
You start whistling a tune as you walk down to Sweet Apple Acres. When you make it to the orchard, you see Applejack bucking trees. Instead of trying to talk with her as you point it, you develop a plan to scare the fuck out of her. You stay back and click it on, the dot appearing on a tree she is about to buck.
She is about to turn around to buck, but stops when you move it.
"What in tarnation?"
She tries to touch the dot with a hoof, but you move it up. She smacks the tree once again trying to get it.
"C'mere ya little varmint!"
You bring it up to the leaves and then click it off, making it seem like it went into the tree.
"What in the hay is that?!"
"I don't know!"
She turns around shocked by your presence.
"Ya saw that too?"
"Yeah! What in the world was that?"
"Ah was hopin' you knew."
"Nope. But I did see it go up there. Want me to go take a look?"
"How are ya gonna do that?"
You jump up and grab a branch.
Applejack gives a light chuckle, "Ah thought ya told us ya weren't a monkey!"
"Ha ha very funny."
You climb up into the leaves and find that it's extremely thick up here. So thick that she probably can't even see up here.
"Didja find it Anon?"
"I think so."
You scream at the top of your lungs, "AAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHH!"
With all your might you shake the tree and a few branches snap.
"Anon! Anon are ya okay?!"
Using your feet, you take off your shoes and drop them out of the tree, then make a quite loud belch.
Her voice sounds a little higher and scared, "A-Anon?"
You click on the pointer and move the dot slowly down the tree.
Applejack backs up, "N-No! You s-stay away from me!"
She backs up and you point it closer to her.
"DON'T EAT ME!"
She takes off to a gallop back to the barn and you burst into laughter in the tree.
"Oh my god this is just too great!"
You click the pointer off and slide back down the tree, then put your shoes back on. Just then you hear laughter coming from deeper in the orchard. You decide there's nothing wrong with being a little curious, so you follow the laughs.
The laughs lead you to a tree house with a ramp. You sneak up the ramp to the house and look inside through the window. Pictures of those fillies who are always trying to find their cutie mark are hung up around the room.
You mumble to yourself, “What did they call themselves again?”
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER HUGGING HUMANS CUTIEMARK!"
Before you have time to react, the world is turned 180 degrees and you lay on the wood with the three fillies sitting on your chest. They stop holding on to you and turn back to look at their asses. Nothing appears there and they frown.
Applebloom looks down at you, "Sorry if we hurt ya, we were just trying to get our cutie marks."
You nod as you struggle to sit up, "I see that."
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle grab your hands with their mouths and walk back, helping you back onto your feet.
You pat the dust off your pants and smile to them, "Thank you. So what's this tree house for?"
The three of them scream simultaneously, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CLUBHOUSE!"
You fake a smile, "Oh really?"
Scootaloo grabs your hand with her hoof, "Yeah! Come on inside!"
She pulls you over to the door and opens it. The four of you walk inside and you find that your head just barely brushes against the ceiling.
Sweetie Belle calls out to you from the other side of the room, "Hey Mr. Anon!"
You turn to see her patting a spot on the floor there with a smile, “Come sit next to me?”
How could you not say yes to that adorable smile. Doing as she wishes, you sit down next to her.
Scootaloo's wings are buzzing and she looks happy as she barely hovers in front of you, "This is our Cutie Mark Crusaders map of the town!"
She points to the map that has Rainbow's cloud, the town square, Carousel Boutique, and a lone apple tree. It starts to peel off the wall and she slaps it back up.
"It's a work in progress."
As she continues to point to things you don't give a fuck about, you begin to devise your plan.
You click on the pointer and shine it on Scootaloo's rump as she talks about the color of the walls.
Sweetie Belle jumps up, "SCOOTALOO! YOU GOT YOUR CUTIE MARK!"
Scootaloo and Applebloom turn to look, but you click it off before either of them see it.
Scootaloo furrows her brow at her friend, "That's not funny Sweetie Belle! I thought I got my cutie mark in giving tours!"
Applebloom adds in, "That's not very nice of ya Sweetie Belle."
Sweetie Belle's ears flatten and she looks away, "Oh... I'm sorry, I could have sworn that I saw it."
Applebloom catches your attention with the wave of a hoof, “This is where we think about great ideas to get our cutie marks!”
A smirk comes across your face and you click it back on, but point it to Applebloom's butt.
Sweetie Belle shouts in her squeaky voice, “You guys!”
The other two look over.
Scootaloo cocks her head a little bit and groans in annoyance, "What now?"
"Applebloom! Your cutie mark!"
Before the other two can look, you turn it off again.
Applebloom slams her hooves down on the floor, "OH GOSH DARNIT SWEETIE BELLE!"
Scootaloo shakes her head, "Yeah stop it, that's totally not cool!"
The other two then turn away from Sweetie Belle angrily.
Sweetie Belle sits down and looks at the floor, "I'm sorry..."
Scootaloo pushes the peeling map back up again, "Yeah sure."
Applebloom looks the other way, "Ah don't believe ya."
You click the pointer back on and move it to Scootaloo's butt. Sweetie Belle looks at it, but doesn't say anything out of fear that her friends would be upset. A bit bummed that she didn't take the bait, you move the dot to the wall where the other two are facing. Their attentions are both caught by it.
Sweetie Belle cries out, "That was what I saw!"
Applebloom tilts her head, "What in the hay is that thing?"
Scootaloo looks up at the dot, swishing her tail, "I don't know... But it looks cool! I'm gonna catch it!"
"Not if Ah do first!"
Applebloom and Scootaloo both jump for it, smacking heads in the middle. As they sit there dazed, Sweetie Belle jumps up and tries to hit it, but crashes on top of her friends. You move it to the other wall and all of them look at it. The pile of fillies eventually straighten themselves out and huddle together to devise a plan to try to catch it.
After mumbling to each other in a circle for a bit, they turn to face the dot which you are moving back and forth across the wall.
They scream in unison, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DOT CATCHER CUTIE MARKS!"
Scootaloo flaps her wings as hard as she can and Applebloom throws her. To your surprise, Scootaloo glides down to the ground, but she gets nowhere near the dot. She sits up from that tumble, rubbing her mouth a little.
Sweetie Belle bends down and Applebloom steps onto her back.
Sweetie Belle screams, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS COOL FLIP DOT CATCHING CUTIE MARKS!"
As the title would state, Sweetie Belle launches Applebloom into the air by throwing her off. Applebloom does a graceful flip and slams her face right onto the wall after you move it.
Sweetie Belle screams, "That's it!"
You watch as she runs over to the wall and jabs her horn at the dot. You click it off as Sweetie pierces the wall with her horn.
"Help! Scootaloo help!"
Scootaloo stops rubbing her face and goes over to pull on Sweetie's legs. She isn't budging, and you're about to start laughing. When Applebloom gets up, you click the pointer back on and have it pointed right next to Sweetie on the wall.
Sweetie notices it, shouting to her friend, "Applebloom, get it!"
Applebloom rushes over and bucks the almighty hell out of the wall. Her hooves go straight through it. You cannot contain your laughter any longer and click off the pointer to laugh.
Scootaloo looks back with an angry face, "Anon! What's so funny?!"
The little filly's voice becomes almost nothing combined with the volume of your laughter and both of her friend's screams. Eventually you calm yourself enough to stand, but instead of helping Scootaloo, you leave the clubhouse as the girls call out for you.
You make it back into town and see Granny Smith walking down the street. A devious grin appears on your face. You click on the pointer and aim it in front of her.
A voice halts you, "Anonymous."
You turn towards the voice and see Princess Celestia herself standing in front of you.
You try to stuff the pointer in your pocket, "Oh h-hey Celestia, what's up?"
Before you can hide the pointer, she takes it with her magic.
She inspects it as she speaks to you, "I am pretty sure you know 'What is up' Anonymous."
She clicks the button and a dot on the ground appears.
A voice calls out, "Yeah, that's what we saw!"
Rainbow comes from behind Celestia. Pinkie walks out from behind her as well, helping the limping Fluttershy stand up straight. Twilight with a charred Spike are the next to come out. Rarity steps out from behind Twilight and glares angrily at you. Applejack snorts as she looks at you, looking like she's ready to charge.
The CMC come running up, "There he is!"
Applebloom has some bandages around her back legs and Sweetie Belle has a tiny bandage on her horn. They see the pointer Celestia has and you standing there in front of a crowd and they join.
You gulp and look up to the Princess of the sun, "So... Now what?"
She clears her throat and stands tall, "Anonymous, for terrorizing the town and the elements of harmony, I hereby sentence you to life in prison."
"...Son of a bitch."
...
It's been a few days since you got in this prison cell. The place isn't that bad for a prison. They let you do basically everything you'd be able to do regularly, just have to stay in the prison grounds.
As you're sitting in your cell with your cup, you drop a rock into it. A tiny clink sound is heard and the pony in your cell looks at you. You look back at her and shake the cup, making a rattling sound with the rock inside.
The pony covers her ears and cringes, "Damn it Anon, cut that out would ya?"
A grin stretches across your face.
THE END.