Bachelorette Bon-ding

by Distaff Pope

First published 13th of June, 2014

Everypony has secrets. For instance, Octavia's friend Bon-Bon is a secret agent, and she needs Octavia to keep a few secrets of her own. Oh, and save Equestria. Nothing too big.

I really just... Sure, I thought having a bachelorette party would be nice. Certainly, after the year I had, I wouldn't say no to a relaxing weekend in Canterlot with my friends, but instead, I get Bon-Bon confessing that she's a secret agent, and oh yes, she wants me to do a little light espionage for her. There are roughly a hundred things wrong with that statement, but by far, the worst one is that I, Octavia Melody, bastion of rationality, agreed to help her.

Note: The first three chapters are the story. The last two chapters are the originally published drafts that I'm keeping around in case someone actually preferred that version of events and so I have a monument to the fact that I can make some really stupid writing decisions sometimes.

The Invitation

“You want me to do what?” I asked, looking incredulously at Bon-Bon. We were sitting out in one of Ponyville’s many parks and up until a few minutes ago, I had expected our evening to follow the trajectory of our other weekly visits, with the two of us having a lovely dinner together and discussing our weeks while Lyra and Vinyl did… whatever the two of them did when they got together. Based on the amount of beer bottles I had to clean up whenever they had their get together sessions at my house, I could safely hazard a guess.

“It’s… a simple request, and I don’t want to force you into anything,” Bon-Bon said, taking a sip of her wine.

I laughed. “No, it’s…” I rubbed my forehead. “I’m sorry, I am having a hard time believing that you are a spy.”

“I’m not a spy,” she said, frowning. “I serve as an agent of stability for Princess Celestia when she needs my services. Most of the time, I am a confectioner.”

“But- But- But-” I stammered ineffectually, trying to make sense of the words. “You seem like a normal pony. I would never have… I would have never thought you were a spy.”

“Agent of stability,” she corrected, before nodding her head. “And yes, most of Celestia’s more… covert agents try not to make a habit of broadcasting the fact. It generally meets with less than positive results.”

“Fair enough,” I said meekly, “but what about… How do- What do you need me for?”

She rolled her eyes. “Were you even listening when I told you that a minute ago?”

“Actually, no. My brain stopped processing new information around the same time you told me you were a covert agent for Celestia, which I’m still not quite sold on by the way. Just… why you? Your special talent is making candy.”

“Well yes, but there are only a few ponies who have actual espionage related cutie marks, and they don’t do field work. Most of us have a special talent that can be used for spycraft, and I had another ability that the crown found particularly useful.”

This was insane, wasn’t it? Not for the first time since the conversation started, I tried to recall if I had forgotten to take any of my meds in the last few days. “Before we get to how you can use candy-making for spying–”

“Ensuring the stability of the realm,” she said, correcting me.

“Yes, that. My main question is, what is this other ability you have?” This whole conversation was still completely insane, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if I woke up in the middle of it, but spending half a year in Ponyville had taught me to accept the lurking insanity of this town.

“Right,” she said. “Octavia, how often do you think of me when compared to Lyra?”

“Substantially less, I suppose, but that is only because you seem so normal in comparison.”

She sighed and put down her glass of wine. “I suppose it’s time I told you a little secret. I’m not noticeable. Not really. Most of the time ponies just look right past me. One time, I sat in a restaurant for over two hours before anypony realized I was there. I’ve been that way my whole life, and a long time ago, I went to the best doctors in Canterlot to try to find out just what was wrong with me. They didn’t find anything, but my file was noticed by Princess Celestia, and she thought my special skill could be used for the benefit of the crown. Two weeks later, I was in Mareocco framing a noble for adultery to ruin their political career.”

“Alright,” I said, finally processing her entire story. “ I have known you for some time now, and assuming all this is true, which I have a hard time believing, how come I have never had any trouble recalling you?”

“Oh, it’s gotten a lot better since I met Lyra. I like to think that she is noticeable enough for the two of us.”

“Is that why the two of you are…” I trailed off, not willing to finish the sentence and possibly offend my friend. More distressingly, I somehow I found myself believing her story for some unknown reason. I contend my time in Ponyville has affected my ability to think reasonably and led to me actually accepting this ludicrous story at face value.

“Not really,” Bon-Bon said, “although I suppose… Lyra noticed me, she saw me immediately, was friendly with me, and never seemed to look past me.” She smiled. “When she looks at me, I feel like the most important mare in the room.”

“Okay,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “For some reason, I find myself inclined to believe your story, although I am a bit incredulous about… What are the limits to your ability? Do ponies forget you exist if they go long enough without seeing you?”

“Kind of,” she said, “although that only happens if we don’t see each other for several years. Most of the time, ponies just don’t notice me until I do something particularly obvious, like introduce myself to them, and even then it might take a couple of attempts on my part. It makes infiltrating a noble’s manor incredibly easy. But around Lyra I am just like everypony else, because ponies remember Lyra and when I’m with her, they remember me.”

“I’m assuming you haven’t told her about this… rather odd ability of yours?”

Bon-Bon shook her head. “If I explain that, I might have to explain my other job to her, and that’s a state secret.”

“Which makes it all the more baffling that you are explaining all of this to me.”

“That’s because I need your help. Somepony has broken into the Royal Archives and stolen several dozen valuable documents. We know who was behind the break-in and we know who his employer is-”

“And you’re not just arresting them because?” I asked, unsure of my role in this operation or why they needed a particularly complex operation at all. If they knew who was responsible then why not just arrest them?

“We aren’t sure what the end goal is, or even if Lord Valiant is the pony who planned the operation. For all we know, he is just another middleman.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Lord Valiant? As in the same Lord Valiant who designed the airship?”

She nodded. “After his gift to the Princess was made available to the public, he was understandably bitter, and now that several decades have passed, it seems he has decided that treason would be the best revenge. Our analysts have indicated that he is too cowardly to make any sort of overt action on his own, and somebody must have flipped him. We want to find out who.”

“You still haven’t mentioned what you want me to do,” I said. “And also, you are being rather forthcoming about what I have to assume are state secrets.”

“I am,” she said, nodding her head, “but that’s only because I value our friendship and believe you will keep my secrets for me, and more importantly, it’s because I know that you’d rather not mention this to anypony else because then they might think you were crazy.” Damn, she had me there.

“Alright,” I said. “Not that I’m agreeing to help you, but I can hear out your request.”

“The pony who stole the documents, Turn Coat, is a classical-music aficionado, and there have been several rumors linking him intimately to classical musicians. Considering that he is an earth pony, we have reason to believe he is a fan of yours.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to suggest what I think you are?” I asked.

“Well,” she said, slowly smiling at me, “have you ever heard of a honeypot?”

***

Several days later we were in a private train compartment heading to Canterlot. And I was trying to figure out just how she had convinced me to help her out. I suppose it helped when she said I wouldn’t actually have to sleep with Turn Coat, but the idea that I was going to be spending what we had told Vinyl was my bachelorette party performing a covert operation made me deeply uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as the fact that I had decided to just go along with her insane plan that involved me seducing (but not sleeping with) a traitor to Equestria.

“You know your role in the operation?” Bon-Bon whispered as our train rounded a curve and the city of Canterlot came into view. “The handoff is going to happen after Lord Valiant’s soiree tonight, and we need you to intercept Turn Coat by then. We’ve pulled some strings, and you will be playing at the bar of his hotel this evening. Our surveillance agents usually report him there between 8:00 and 11:00. The soiree ends tonight at tw-”

“I know,” I said. “You’ve reminded me of the plan more than enough the last two days, and you know I’ve practically memorized all those folders you gave me. Something that wasn’t easy to do considering the amount of time I have to spend teaching and running the academy, while also making sure that nopony else ever finds out what we’re about to do.”

“The crown appreciates your discretion,” she said, nodding.

“I’m not doing it for the crown. I’m doing it so ponies don’t think I’m crazy.” I paused and thought of the several bottles of pills in my bag and my history of mental… episodes. “Or at least, crazier.”

“Also,” I continued, “you never did say just why you picked me for this job, as opposed to your fiancée. If Turn Coat is such a fan of classical music, Lyra should work as well as I.”

“Well, yes, but…” Bon-Bon frowned. “I love the way she looks at me. There’s no expectation or betrayal in that look, and I’m afraid that if I do tell her the truth she will never forgive me.”

The look in Bon-Bon’s eye at that moment, I want to say it was funny, but that is far too glib. Instead, I suppose it would be more accurate to say it was unexpected. For the six months I had known her, I had always thought of her as being the stable one, and in some ways, a mentor I could look up to. Then there had been the recent revelation that she was just as crazy as the rest of Ponyville, but up until that moment, it had never occurred to me that she might struggle with her relationship like everypony else. Up until that moment I had assumed her life must be, if not perfect, then free from the worry and doubt that had plagued me on occasion. It was both refreshing and disheartening simultaneously.

“It’s alright,” I said. “Although I do think you should tell Lyra; she adores you, and I don’t think you telling her you’re a spy-”

“Agent of stability.”

“Yes, that. I don’t think telling her you are an agent of stability will really upset her too much. Especially if you can sweeten the proverbial pot with some information about humans.”

“Well,” she said, tapping her chin, “Lyra already knows about the portal’s general location and when it’s next slated to open, but I suppose I could provide the exact details of its location and arrange for us to get past the guards.”

I rubbed my forehead. “I… I was just joking. I didn’t think there were any actual state secrets regarding humans.”

She looked up at me and smiled, her voice and expression taking on a slightly mechanical tone. “Oh, there aren’t. At all. Obviously, thinking humans existed would be… silly.”

“Bon-Bon,” I said, frowning at the mare, “for a spy-”

“Agent of stability.”

“Yes, that. For an agent of stability, you seem to have a hard time lying.”

Bon-Bon shook her head. “Sorry, Lyra was so sure she had found this ancient magical portal to Humanland, or whatever it’s actually called, and I thought it might be smart if I checked the archives to make sure it wasn’t dangerous, and it turns out that there are humans and that the Equestrian government has a portal to their lands. I was as shocked as you are.”

My stream of thought turned into an all-encompassing white noise as I struggled to understand just what was said. A process that was greatly complicated by the fact that my thoughts had suddenly turned into soothing ocean noises.

“Octavia,” Bon-Bon said, “are you alright? I can understand your shock, but you’ve been on complete lockdown for several minutes.”

In the great empty sea that was my mind, I was slowly able to pull a word up from its depths. “Yes.”

Her brow wrinkled in worry. “So you are fine then?”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” she said, “can you say something other than ‘yes’ for me?”

“Yes.”

She sighed. “I suppose I walked into that one. Octavia, say something other than ‘yes’.”

More words surfaced in the vast emptiness. Slowly but surely, I scooped them up and managed to cobble together a functional sentence. “Humans. Real. What?” A mostly functional sentence.

“I can’t drink,” I said. “Not without having a particularly negative reaction to my medications.”

“Right,” she said, recalling the disaster aboard the Valiant. “Well then, I can drink the fact that humans are real away and you can just chalk it up to your medication acting strange.”

“Actually, I am going to pretend the entirety of this incident was some sort of medication-induced fever dream. I feel it’s best for my sanity and well being.”

“Fair enough,” she said, “But before you do that, let’s just go over the plan one last time. You seduce Turn Coat, go up to his room, give him one of the breath mints I prepared for the incident, wait for them to knock him out, and replace the files he stole with the forgeries we put in your cello case. After that, put on the disguise we have in your room, and meet Lord Valiant. We will apprehend Turn Coat, and I will be busy planting several incriminating and scandalous objects in Lord Valiant’s estate. Got it?”

I smiled reassuringly at her. “Bon-Bon, you’ve planned this out so well, I don’t think anything could go wrong.”

Author's Notes:

So, let's say you read the first chapter and thought it wasn't living up to all the fuss I made about it. That's very true. I tried to contain all the dark to the next chapter. Of note, the idea that Bon-Bon was a spy was kind of the impetus for this story and back in it's original conception it was supposed to be a light comedy. This chapter is the closest to that original idea, but it didn't come through unscathed in my attempt to tone down the comedy, because a bunch of funny jokes wouldn't jive well with what happens next.

The Party

Lord Valiant’s estate was everything I’d wanted when I’d lived in Canterlot. Standing at the base of the Canterhorn, it easily dwarfed any building in Ponyville. and it was just as decadent as his airship. After my brief tour of the estate, I seriously wondered if there were any parisian rugs or crystal fountains left in Equestria. Certainly, there had to be, but…

“Oh, it is a delight to have you hear Miss Octavia,” Lord Valiant said as we talked backstage, his eyes darting from me to the stage to the basement entrance. I made a note to check there as soon as I could slip away from the show. In his age, his whole body seemed to have greyed. His black hair had faded and his white coat lost its lustre. The only thing that wasn’t grey was his cutie mark, an image of the family crest. I briefly pondered how terrible it would be if the only thing that made me special was my family name. Considering my parents, I couldn’t think of many worse fates.

“Thank you, my lord,” I said, bowing before the noble. The nobility were absolutely wonderful, bow low, boost their ego, and they’d practically give you the keys to the manor. Although they weren’t noble, I’d seen my parents fall for it far too many times. Not that I’d ever exploited that particular weakness of course, doing so would be most uncouth. “It’s an honor to play for you tonight.”

He leered, his stare suddenly making me feel naked, which I suppose is understandable, considering the only thing I was wearing was a bowtie. Still, his gaze definitely wasn’t appreciated. “Oh, no, the honor is mine, to have Princess Luna’s pet musician play for me in her first ever private showing… This is something of a dream for me, especially since… It’s strange our scheduled entertainment had to cancel on such short notice, do you have any idea why?”

They’d been detained by the Royal Guard for reasons fabricated entirely Equestrian Intelligence Service. “Not at all,” I said, smiling apologetically. “Unfortunately, a large number of musicians are…” I laughed. “Unreliable at the best of times. They think pursuing the fickle muse of passion more important than honoring their obligations. It’s not a stance I particularly agree with.”

He laughed and patted me on the back, getting far too close to me for my liking. “Well, at least there’s one mare who understands she should honor her commitments to those with power. Who knows, with an attitude like yours, maybe some noble might smile kindly on you and raise you above your station.” Wonderful. Bon-Bon most certainly wasn’t exaggerating when she mentioned his weakness for mares.

“You are too kind,” I said, looking from him to the stage. “So… I should just practice there until the party starts, then?” Despite my distaste for the stallion, the stage was absolutely wonderful solid marble piece. If I’d met Lord Valiant a year ago, I might have been interested in his offer. What? My younger self wasn’t exactly concerned with true love as much as she was with fame, prestige, and other fine things. I… I wasn’t the best mare in the world before I came to Ponyville (although I was and still am the absolute best cellist).

“Oh, yes, of course,” he said, jumping in the air at the sound of my voice before extending a hoof to shake. “A pleasure to meet you, Miss Octavia.” As I shook his hoof, something sticky latched on to my hoof. Before I could say anything, he leaned in right next to my ear and whispered. “Read in private. Eyes are on us.”

Well, wonderful. Here I was thinking this was going to be a simple mission. Wait, what am I talk about? This whole situation was patently insane. Why would I be surprised that things somehow managed to get crazier, especially after Bon-Bon tempted fate. “Oh, and Octavia,” he said as he trotted away. This time he made sure to speak loud and clear. “Be sure not to leave the stage until after 9:00. Otherwise, ponies watching your performance might think something’s wrong.” Of course, he didn’t want me to look at the note until 9:00, presumably because whatever was watching me would be distracted by the party then.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said, laughing and working to unstrap my cello case, careful not to show off the thing in my hooves to anypony watching. As I unpacked my cello, I slipped the note – a quick glance revealed it was a note – into my case, taking care to hide it behind my sheet music. in case somepony got suspicious and decided to check my case. Hiding the case back stage, I trotted to stage center and started practicing. The best of Canterlot would be listening tonight, and I didn’t want to disappoint.

***

The clock chimed 9:00 and the party was in full swing. Out in the crowd, the finest of Equestria’s nobility hobnobbed, with maybe one in twenty actually paying attention to the music. Because why should they care that Equestria’s premier cellist was playing for them? It’s not like I wanted their rightful praise and adulation, I had a perfectly wonderful life in Ponyville, their approval meant nothing to me.

I kept telling myself that as the crowd ignored me. At least I could take a break now, nurse my ego, and deal with… Oh yes, the spy stuff, or the main reason I was here performing for these ungrateful culture snobs. Yes, I might tend towards being an aloof egoist, but I at least had the decency to appreciate the finer things when they were played right in front of me. These ponies wouldn’t know the difference between baroque and romantic music.

I stared at the crowd as bile rose in my throat. Instead of even trying to act dignified, large groups of ponies had started “making out” and the party looked like it was about to turn into an orgy as ponies groaned and mashed against each other. The few nobles who weren’t completely humiliating themselves were drinking wine like it was water. These ponies were supposed to be sophisticated, the pinnacle of style and grace, instead, they were behaving like they were at one of Vinyl’s raves.

Not important right now, I reminded myself as I trotted back to my case. I could complain about the nobility’s stunning dearth of musical knowledge and apparent alcoholism later, right now, I needed to read the note. Making sure I was hidden behind the curtain, I slipped the note out of my cello case and unfolded it, before reading:

Octavia,

Can only assume you’re here with EIS to stop the Queen from rising. Absolutely vital you sneak into my wine cellar and destroy the cask of amontillado sherry before the party starts. Her agents plan on using it to dose the nobility with changeling venom. I’ll try to create a diversion to take attention off you, but hurry. After cask is destroyed, head down to vault. It’s the third door on your right in the basement and the security code is 8927365. It has all the information stole from the archives and as much information as I could gather about the Queen’s plans. After you get that, get out.

I stared at the note, written in flowing elegant script and recalled the nobility’s boorish behavior. Of course, they didn’t normally act like this, they were just under the amontillado’s spell. At least, I hoped that was the case. If not, I had to rethink a lot of my life choices.

My brain burned as it struggled to come up with some way to fix this situation. Unfortunately, the only solution I came up with was a terrible mix of suicidal and insane. In other words, it was perfect for me. I took a deep breath, secured my cello in its case, strapped said case to my back, and sprinted off to the basement as quickly as I could.

The basement was completely empty. I checked for any sign that somepony was watching me. Either I failed at all things related to spycraft (probably true) or I was monumentally lucky (hopefully true). I tip-hoofed from the basement landing towards where the signs told me the wine cellar was. As I entered the room, my instincts screamed this was too easy, the sound of wood cracking against the back of my head told me those instincts were right, the feel of cobblestone against my cheek told me I was about to be reacquainted with my good friend unconsciousness again, and then I didn’t hear much of anything.

***

Ropes dug into my flesh as my mind bubbled up to the outside world. “She’s coming to,” a voice made of gravel said. “Do you have the drink ready?” Drink… Drink… that probably meant… My whole body suddenly tensed up.

“Of course,” a voice belonging to Lord Valiant said. “You know I would never betray the Court of the True Queen.” I groaned as the knot on the back of my head pulsed in anger. I really needed… Well, an actual bachelorette party would certainly be wonderful, but there were probably more pressing issues for me to deal with, like the fact I was currently tied up and about to be forced to drink changeling venom. “Could you let me… I’d prefer it if I gave her the amontillado. Your methods are too coarse.”

The gravel voice laughed. “As you wish, ‘my lord,’ how dare a peasant like me ever dare to do anything to your lady.” I opened my eyes to see a stallion with brown coat, black mane, and a cutie mark that consisted of a black hat and trench coat.

“Turn Coat, I suppose,” I said, recalling his picture from one of the files Bon-Bon gave me. “Any chance you’ll believe I’m just a cellist who wandered down here in search for a stiff drink?”

“Oh, I like this one,” Turn Coat said, laughing. “I’ve got half a mind to take her for myself, but I figure you deserve a little treat for all your hard work, Val. Why, I’m not even gonna rough her up before we start interrogatin’ her. Consider that my gift to you and your little lady.”

Lord Valiant sighed and looked at me. “And as always, it’s appreciated Turn Coat. You conduct yourself with far more grace than a common criminal should.”

“Ey, I can change my mind anytime I like, so don’t go thinkin’ that you’re the big dog in this relationship,” Turn Coat said, glaring at Lord Valiant.

“Oh, I’d never dream of it,” Lord Valiant said, matching Turn Coat’s coarseness with the mix of civility and contempt only the nobility could really pull off. “I know the Queen’s the one with all the power. The rest of us are just… tools in her scheme.”

The gears in my head clicked into alignment. Changeling venom? Queens? An attack on Canterlot? It couldn’t have been more obvious that changeling queen from a few years ago was behind this unless her plans were written on a flashing neon sign, which, admittedly, would’ve made this job a lot simpler. Of course, I wasn’t such an idiot that I’d let my captors know what I knew.”Queen?” I asked, doing my best to look confused. “But… Celestia doesn’t call herself a queen.”

“Heh, there’s other queens, dearie,” Turn Coat said. “And they ain’t anywhere nice as your little pony princess.”

“The both of us are servants of Queen Katydid, and she has her eyes set on bending Canterlot to her will,” Lord Valiant said, apparently trying to monologue all of Queen Katy’s plan. “Unlike her sister, she’s content to play the long game and takeover Canterlot from the inside by subverting a number of–”

“Hey, don’t go tellin this mare our plans, she doesn’t need to know them, and I don’t feel like giving her information that can be used against us if things go pear shaped,” Turn Coat said, interrupting Lord Valiant. Damn, at least one of them knew the dangers of monologuing. I turned my head to look more closely at Lord Valiant. Was he monologuing because that’s what villains do or because he wanted to help me? If I’d followed the instructions in the note, would everything be fine now, or would he just have sprung the trap earlier?

“Oh, of course,” Lord Valiant said, not bothering to look at Turn Coat. “How foolish of me, whatever may I do to atone?”

Turn Coat grunted. “Just give her the drink, see what she knows, then let’s get ready to flip her. The faster, the better.”

Lord Valiant sighed and lit his horn up, floating a wineglass and bottle up. “The… I’m sure you noticed this,” he said as he poured, “but the changeling venom has the ability to induce… extreme affection and produces a sort of slavish obedience. Apparently those afflicted, are quite happy with their new lots in life…”

“I’m sorry,” I said, looking him in the eyes. There was… Regret in them, a pain that grew the closer the glass got to my lips. “I’ve never really been much of a wine drinker, so I’m afraid I’ll have to abstain.”

Turn Coat snorted. “Oh, she’s a riot, she’s got them airs you noble lots love so much. Hey, when Queen Katy’s got Canterlot in her hooves, this girly’s gonna make a great consort for ya, so quit the stalling and get her to drinking.” I tilted my head up and shifted my weight back as far as I could against the chair, desperately trying to buy myself a few more seconds. Apparently, doing so managed to earn Turn Coat’s ire. He gave another grunt and trotted behind me. He pulled my mane and wrenched my head back. If I hadn’t been an expert in enduring pain, I might’ve given the brute the satisfaction of a scream.

Before I could say anything, he had his other hoof against my jaw and wrenched it open. “Pour,” he said, and a second later, the sherry filled my throat. I tried not to swallow it, but the brute pinched my nose shut. I struggled and gagged, desperately trying to spit as much of the sherry out as I could before I ran out of air. With every second, the sherry worked its way deeper down my throat. I could feel a faint trickle of it running down into my stomach. I tried to escape Turn Coat’s grip for even a second, but he knew how to hold a mare against her will.

I shut my eyes, calling Vinyl’s image up in my mind’s eye and whispering an apology to her as I swallowed the tainted wine. They repeated the process a few more times and did everything in my power to make it as unpleasant for them as possible. If they were going to do… this to me, I’d be sure to extract as much vengeance as possible in my final act.

“Alright,” Lord Valiant finally said. “That’s enough.” Turn Coat released his grip and I gave the minor lord my best death glare. “How do you feel, Octavia?”

I felt like I was looking at two ponies whose faces needed to get acquainted with my hoof as quickly as possible. “Ugh, it ain’t workin’ we need to get ‘er more of her drink. Don’t that sound good, dearie?” Turn Coat asked trotting into my view.

A laugh burst out of my throat. I felt fine. I felt absolutely completely fine. Well, no, I was tied up, my head hurt, and there was a very real chance that a mind altering potion was about to take over my brain, but I still felt like me. I wasn’t about to let these two know that, though. “Great,” I said, trying to look as relaxed as possible. “It’s like…” I tried to channel Vinyl’s less than formal manner of speaking and softened my gaze from one of anger to longing. “I mean, I never felt this great before.” What did they say the potion did? Induced pleasure, lust, and suggestibility? I could pretend to be that. Then, once I was free, I could see about giving righteous punching retribution to all the ponies who needed it.

“You see,” Lord Valiant said, “she’s been successfully pacified, there’s no need to pour more of that stuff down her throat.”

“We’ll see,” Turn Coat said, his narrowed eyes studying my every movement. “Bark like a dog.”

I tilted my head at that, doing my best to mask my disgust. “Big dog? Woof woof. Small dog? Arp arp.”

Turn Coat laughed. “Looks like we got ourselves one consummate professional ‘ere, so let’s see what your lady’s up for. Don’t that sound fun, Val?”

***

There were a series of… degrading requests after that, ones I’d prefer not go spend too much time dwelling on. My only saving grace was that Lord Valiant kept the more… licentious requests at bay, claiming he’d rather save those for when we were alone. What was his angle? Did he just want me for himself, was he trying to save some modicrum of my dignity, or was he trying to help the crown in some way? Either way, I decided I’d only punch him once and save most of my wrath for Turn Coat. Over the past hour, he’d done quite a bit to earn my absolute eternal enmity, and no amount of oh-so-satisfying punches to the face would alter that balance.

“Alright,” Lord Valiant said. “She’s done enough, I think. Let’s bring her in with the other prisoner.” Other prisoner? Did they mean… My stomach fell through the floor and kept going until it punched a hole through the opposite side of Equestria. Where it went after that, I have no idea.

“Oh, looks like she’s got an inklin’ of who she’s ‘bout to meet. I wish I could be there to see what happens when those two lovelies meet. Two mares and a bottle of changeling venom? What’s that sayin’? In vino veritas?” That was… I froze, a question forming in my head that burned with the same intensity as Celestia’s sun.

Why wasn’t the wine reacting with my medications?

The last time I had anything alcoholic, I spent the next two days in a state of blackout drunken debauchery. Now, I felt… well, a little tipsy, but I wasn’t running around presenting myself to everypony in sight. A theory on just why I wasn’t feeling the effects of the venom formed, and it revolved around the baggie of pill bottles secured inside my cello case.

“My cello,” I said, turning to Lord Valiant and giving him my best look of infantile pleading. “Can I…” I stopped to kiss a trail from his neck to his lips with feigned zeal. Compared to Turn Coat’s requests, this was only a little bit absolutely humiliating. “Can I pleeeaaaseee have it?”

Lord Valiant looked from me to Turn Coat, who just laughed at us. “If the dearie wants her toy to play with, I don’t see a problem. Not like she’s got enough brains in her head to do anything but rub herself against it.” He laughed again. “Now, that’s a show I’d like to see, maybe you should tell me about it when you get back, Val.” Have I mentioned my complete and utter contempt for Turn Coat? It was as if somepony tried to combine all the traits I despised and mixed them into one pony. An impressive feat, to be sure, but not one I felt like applauding.

Turn Coat shooed us. “Get on out of here, some of us have work that needs doing, so unless you want to look after the rest of your noble buddies while I get the pleasure of entertainin’ the lady, you should probably get going.”

“Of course,” Lord Valiant said, floating my cello case from its spot in the corner over and strapping it to my back. “Well…” He turned to me, apologies in his eyes. “Shall we?”

I nodded, doing my best to act like a giddy schoolmare in one of those tawdry romances I most certainly didn’t have an entire shelf in my bedroom dedicated to. (If Vinyl ever tells somepony about those, tonight’s humiliation is going to seem like a comparative trot through the park.)

“This… I never intended for any of this to happen,” Lord Valiant whispered as he shut the door to the wine cellar. “You have to understand, when they first… approached me, I thought I could play a hero, unravel the entire conspiracy and win back Celestia’s favor, after the Valiant incident, but… They kept coming with more and more demands, forced me to keep working for them by taking my son to one of their nests. I hoped you would…” He sighed. It doesn’t matter now. The only way I get out of this with my son alive is by following orders. If there’s any bit of the original you left, I promise I’ll make sure the rest of your days are spent in contentment and as far away from that riff-raff as possible.

“I….” I stammered, continuing to play my part and waiting for the moment I could be alone in my cell with him. I tried not to cringe as I said the next few words. “You know I’ll do whatever you want.”

He sighed. “Unfortunately, I do. Hopefully, in time, I can help you regain that classic dignity you composed yourself with when I first saw you. This thing you are now is such a poor imitation.” Oh yay, so while he was still okay with brainwashing me to be his… thing, he wanted me to be his thing with dignity. Well, that made it all better, then. Why didn’t I just give him my total undying devotion on the spot?

On the other hoof, he wasn’t the villain Turn Coat was. No, Valiant was just a complete idiot who apparently thought working with changelings was the way to win back Celestia’s approval. Assuming, he was telling the truth, of course.

I followed Lord Valiant up to a bedroom at the top of the mansion. He opened the door, and I saw Bon-Bon doing… something I won’t detail further. What a pony does while under the effects of – or pretending to be under the effects of, in my case – is not something that should be discussed in any company. It’s something in need of forgetting.

“Hey! It’s Tavi,” she said, rolling off the bed and trotting towards me. “Isn’t this just great? I feel…” She panted. “I can’t even begin to describe it.”

“Then don’t.” In one move, I bucked the door shut with my back hoof and whipped around, grabbing Lord Valiant as I spun around and pinning him against the wall. “Bon-Bon, undo the cello case, gently lower it to the ground, and get out my pill bag.” I turned to look back at Lord Valiant. “Say something or light your horn up, and I’ll see if I can still punch hard enough to break a brass bull’s skull. Oh, and I’m so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen,” I said, mocking his earlier words.

“Ooh, Tavi, you know what’d be fun?” Bon-Bon asked, kissing my back as she unstrapped the cello case and bringing her hoof up to caress my… I felt a bolt of fire streak up my spine and make a home in my head, turning my world red. He… he turned Bon-Bon into that, and then tried to act like he was a victim.

“Don’t touch me,” I ordered Bon-Bon. “Just get the pills out, and take one from each bottle.” I looked at Turn Coat as Bon-Bon followed our her instructions to the letter. “I’m working under the assumption that one of my pills counters the effect of changeling venom. If I were you, I’d pray it works. Otherwise, I’m going to tie you up, drag you to her fiancée, tell her everything you and your friend did, and then leave you alone in a room with her. Do we understand each other?” He nodded.

“Good, now tell me everything you can about this plan you and Turn Coat have. I’m warning you, if you lie or try to cross me, Celestia’s disapproval is going to turn into a comparatively negligible problem.” For emphasis, I tightened my grip on his neck. Nopony did this to my friends, even if the friend was currently responsible for me being in the mess of madness I found myself in.

“Tavi! Can we please do something fun?” Bon-Bon said as she took the last of my pills. “I’m just… so happy to see you, and I want to do anything I can to make you happy.”

“Alright,” I said, struggling to keep my anger at the situation from lashing out at Bon-Bon. “Go lay down on the bed and think about Lyra. Think about your love for her as if your life depended on it, and don’t get out of bed.” It was a gamble, but hopefully the medicine would do its work soon, and she’d have enough willpower to get out of bed on her own volition. Either that or she’d lay in bed until I had this whole unfortunate situation resolved.

“Now,” I said, looking back at Lord Valiant. “Start talking.”

“Like I said,” he whimpered, “I never wanted… I didn’t think anypony would get hurt. I thought I could spy on the changelings, give the information to Princess Celestia, and be hailed as a–”

I tightened my grip on his throat. “I don’t care what particularly idiotic reasons convinced you pretending to be a spy was a good idea, I need to know what their plans are.”

“Right,” he said, quickly regaining his composure. “They… They’re going to subvert and capture the nobility and replace them with doubles. They… also planned on subverting the agents EIS sent to track the missing files. You were both supposed to be captured, drugged, and used to get us more information about strategic operations in Equestria.”

My jaw clenched. “I see… and why haven’t they replaced you with a double or brainwashed you yet? I’m not a hideous bug monster with eyes on taking over Equestria, but replacing you with a changeling seems like an easy move. No need to worry about, well… situations like this one, I suppose.”

“Yes, yes, but they need me.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “What I mean is… I’m a member of the Equestrian Defence Council, and to get in, you have to pass a changeling detection spell. Well, now you do, a few years ago, you didn’t, but…”

“And they haven’t brainwashed you because…” I asked, tilting my head at him and loosening my grip on his neck ever so slightly.

He looked towards Bon-Bon. “Well, you’ve seen what the affected are like. I’d like to imagine those closest to me would notice something was off.” (And Lyra and Vinyl wouldn’t?) “Besides, they have my son, I’m not going to act directly against them with his life on the line.”

“I see,” I said, letting go of him. “Against my better judgment, I’m going to trust you on this. If you prove to be lying or try to betray me in anyway–”

“Tavi…” Bon-Bon said, regaining her mind. “What’s… Oh Celestia, did I try to–”

“I’m not about to judge you for anything done under the effects of changeling venom. How are you feeling?” I said, turning to look from Lord Valiant to Bon-Bon.

“Sick… For a bunch of reasons, actually.” She sighed as she rolled out of bed. “Thanks for saving me, by the way. Pretty glad I brought you along on this mission.”

“While I’m certainly glad I was here to save you, I can’t say I’m enjoying this particular bachelorette party. Now, can you remember what happened while you were under the venom’s influence or…?”

“No,” she said, frowning. “I can remember everything that happened. although…” She shook her head. “I can focus on that later, right now, we have some work to do. How many of those pills do you have?”

I did some arithmetic in my head comparing the number of pills I had to the guests I saw at the party. “I should have enough to give one dose to each guest. At the very least, we can get a large enough majority that we can subdue the rest and wait for the venom’s effects to wear off.” I looked back at Lord Valiant. “It does wear off, right?”

“Eventually, yes, however as your friend Bon-Bon can probably attest, the feelings it leaves behind aren’t pleasant. I understand that if dosed enough, the effects of the poison can be made permanent.” He said, rubbing his neck.

I nodded at him and headed to put my pill bottles back in my cello case and stopped as I saw the tiny piece of paper sticking out from behind my sheet music. “Your note, is there really all that information stored in the vault and more importantly, does the code you gave me actually work?”

“It is, and it does, respectively. I even made sure the door was unguarded for you. Actually…” He paused. “ Most of the guards are probably seeing to the prisoners right now, so you could sneak down there and retrieve them now. That would still leave the problem of rescuing our prisoners, though.”

“We could…” I sighed, bracing myself for what I was about to say next. “Split up. One of us gets the documents and creates a diversion, the other rescues the prisoners.”

Lord Valiant shook his head. “A lovely notion, but Turn Coat’s not stupid. He’s… he knows capturing the nobility is his main goal, so he’s not going to leave them unattended. At best, he’ll send half his guards away. That’ll still leave Turn Coat and four other guards to deal with.”

“Okay,” Bon-Bon said, rubbing her forehead. “Octavia, you’re probably going to hate me for what I’m about to say next, but I think you should be in charge of rescuing the prisoners. I was never really trained for combat missions, and when you absolutely need to, you can pack a mean punch.”

I sighed. She had a point, I’d dealt far more punches to the face than I’d received, and… it was a distressingly common solution to my problems. Wasn’t I supposed to be the calm sophisticated pony in our group? On the other hoof, this plan meant I had a chance to punch Turn Coat in the face. “I’ll do it,” I said. “But first, we need a plan beyond just ‘create a distraction.’”

“Well,” Lord Valiant said, frowning. “I have an idea, but you’ll need to make it look like I was ambushed.

“Done,” I said. Before he could react, my hoof had cut through the air, and I revelled in the oh-so-satisfying smack of hoof against face. Yes, he was on our side, and yes I probably shouldn’t enjoy the feeling of punching another pony, but on the other hoof, he helped brainwash Bon-Bon and seemed perfectly fine with turning me into his toy/consort.

Lord Valiant spat a bloody tooth out. “You didn’t have to be so enthusiastic about it.”

“I pulled my punch,” I said, glancing at a mirror to make sure my bowtie was on straight. Amazingly enough, it was. “Besides, I thought it would be better if you didn’t tense up in anticipation.” And also, I really did want to punch him. Not as badly as I wanted to punch Turn Coat, but the itch was certainly there. (Note: Once we’re back in Ponyville, talk with my therapist about my affinity for violence. While currently useful, it’s probably not particularly healthy.)

“Wait,” Lord Valiant said, bringing his hoof up to massage the cheek that absorbed the brunt of my punch. “That was you pulling a punch? Celestia help anypony who earns your full hatred.”

“Yeah,” Bon-Bon said. “Her punches have broken brass bulls before. I don’t know how she got so strong.”

“If I had to guess, I’d say it’s related to spending the last ten years lugging around a cello that weighs about as much as I do,” I said, pulling the note out from my cello case and passing it to Bon-Bon. “Now, punching Lord Valiant in the face gave me an idea, and while Bon-Bon’s retrieving our notes, we’re going to have Lord Valiant inform the guards that she escaped. Let’s say she used her EIS training to overcome the changeling venom’s effects. While you do that… Are there any good hiding places near where the prisoners are being kept?”

***

My ear pressed against the door as I listened to ponies sprinting down the hallway and waited for the noise to die down. After about a minute of silence, I made sure my cello case was strapped on tightly and opened the door and stumbled out of the bathroom, doing my best to act like some lovesick puppy who had no idea where she was. I turned a corner and found myself looking at the door to the ballroom I played at several hours ago. The second I came into view of the door, two changelings covered from horn to hoof in black chitin, their blue compound eyes impossible to get a read on.

I screwed the biggest smile I could on my face and thought of Vinyl. Thought of the way her forelegs felt when they were wrapped around me, the soft touch of her lips, the evenings we spent cuddling in bed or listening to each other play music, the times I was sick and she was there to nurse me back to physical and mental health. I slathered myself in my love for her as I trotted towards the changelings.

“Excuse me,” I said before letting out an empty headed giggle. “The… Uhmm… Those four ponies told me I should head over. Is… is this where the party is? They said there was a party here, and that sounds… I’d love to be surrounded by other ponies right now.”

“Sure thing,” the guard on the left said, sniffing at the air. “But don’t you want to have a bit of fun with me first?”

I nodded and somehow managed to make my giant vacant smile even larger. “I do…” I giggled again while silently apologizing to myself for acting like such a… Well, I’d prefer not to use the word I had in mind. “It’s funny, I didn’t even know I wanted it, but now… it’s kind of all I can think of.” I trotted towards him as quickly as possible and wrapped my forelegs around his neck. “Is this what you wanted?”

Her body went slack as I felt a horrible empty sucking thing touch my love for Vinyl. A flash of red filled my vision, and I tightened my grip on the distracted changeling and lifted him in the air, quickly spinning it into its sister. I struck the changeling with her sister a few more times, the sound of their chitinous bodies cracking sounding better than any Mocart symphony. I left the two of them stacked in a pile as I opened the door to the ballroom and was immediately assaulted by the smell of… uncouthness. In my absence, the nobility had moved from simply kissing each other to throwing an impromptu orgy. Any remaining illusions I had about the nobility were completely shattered.

Scanning the room, I found the two remaining guards very clearly distracted by the festivities and paying the door absolutely zero attention. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see any trace of Turn Coat, meaning I’d have to wait before I could settle up with him. Well, at least I’d get to save the nobility and have something to hold over their heads until the end of time, so that was something.

“Alright, everypony,” I yelled with as much authority as I could muster. “I command you to beat the two changelings into unconsciousness and ignore any com–” I didn’t even get to finish the command before the mob struck and the changelings collapsed under a rain of hooves. I trotted to the stage, unstrapped my cello, and pulled out my bottles of pills, making sure to arrange them all in a line. “Now, arrange yourselves in an orderly line, and take one pill from each bottle. After you take that, just… stand around and don’t do anything.”

Leaving the nobles to take their medicine, I trotted to the backstage basement entrance and checked for any sign of Turn Coat. Nothing. I turned to look back at the rest of the room. Still no sign of him. Had he already fled? Did he leave to comb the garden with the rest of his guards? The sound of hoofsteps coming from the stairs below me pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Well, dearie, you can just color me surprised, you can. Never thought one o’ them fancy noble types could be fightin’ against the effects of changeling venom. ‘Ow’d you do it?” Turn Coat said as he climbed the stairs, drawing every step out far longer than it needed to be. I glanced behind me at the nobles. There were still quite a few who needed to take their medicine.

“You know,” I said, trotting down to meet him halfway. “Training, willpower, things a common criminal couldn’t understand. Now, what were you doing in the basement?”

He laughed at that. “Well, I was figurin’ that maybe Lord Valiant had gone all treacherous on me and decided to use you and the other girl to create a diversion. Thought he might sneak away from my guards and come up through the basement. Certainly didn’t think a pampered mare like you would punch her way through my guards.” We reached the stairs’ midpoint and stopped. Was this… was this really what I was doing? Had I taken so readily to the role of spy?

“Clever,” I said, standing my ground and glaring at him. “I didn’t think a common criminal could be capable of such thought. Tell me, what did it take for you to betray Equestria to the changelings?”

“Oh, I take back what I said about you bein’ smart, dearie. Can you imagine that? Me being a furry fleshy pony?” He smirked and his whole body burst into green flames, leaving the black carapace of a changeling behind. His wings buzzed as he stretched them.

“Ugh, it’s bad enough giving up the wings and horns when I go undercover, but to have to deal with that accent… I swear, I’m going to find the first Turn Coat and snap her neck for coming up with something so ridiculous. Now, you’re going to tell me just how you resisted the effects of the changeling venom, or things are going to get very unpleasant for you,” the changeling said, itsvoice losing its ridiculous accent and taking a distinctly feminine edge.

“Really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to buy as much time for the ponies upstairs as I could. “We aren’t even going to fight first? You’re just going to skip straight to the ultimatum stage? That’s rather poor villainous form, isn’t it?”

She shrugged and took a step towards me. “See it that way if you want, I figure I’m giving you a chance to cooperate all nice like before I start casting spells.” Her voice practically buzzed as her mandibles clicked and she tilted her head. “You know if we get into an actual fight, I’ll win, right? I have wings and magic while you have… nothing.”

“So did your guards, and they didn’t even last thirty seconds against me. There were four of them and only one of you. I think the math points in my favor,” I said with as much bravado as I could muster. Yes, my punches were absolutely devastating, but if Turn Coat had any sense, she’d never let me get in range.

If her solid-blue compound eyes could have rolled, they would have. “You somehow managed to sneak up on them and take them out in a surprise attack. Doesn’t make you good in a stand-up fight, which is exactly what you and I are going to have if you don’t get to cooperating.” She flashed a hungry smile and licked his canines.. “Play along and I promise things’ll go easier. I’m sure if we both put our heads together, we can get that changeling venom to take you to happyland in no time. You know, I think when you finally do submit, I’ll ask Queen Katydid if I can keep you for myself. You’re too good to be wasted on that old codger.”

Her smile grew as she took a step closer. “Oh, I bet you’ll be so cute, curled up next to me in the hive. Maybe… I know! Do you have a special somepony because I’m sure the two of you will make a great matching–”

She flew backwards, wings buzzing as she narrowly dodged my punch. “I’ll take that as a yes, then. Who is it?” she asked, careful to hover just out of my reach. “I promise, it’ll be so fun. You ponies just look so happy on changeling venom that it makes me want to squeal. Here we are, giving you the greatest gift imaginable. Tasting your appreciation is just the icing on the cake. Now, are you going to play nice Tavi, or am I going to have to make you play nice?”

“Didn’t you try that already?” I asked, struggling not to take a step away from the changeling. The moment fighting started, I needed to get some room to dodge her attacks, but until then, I couldn’t risk letting her see what was going on upstairs. “Pardon me for thinking that a repetition of a failed plan will work.”

The Changeling Formerly Known asTurn Coat’s horn lit up. “We aren’t just one trick ponies. Over the centuries we’ve come up with lots of ways of making you ponies happy and stolen even more ways. Do you know you ponies have entire books of spells designed for brainwashing other ponies? You can take away a pony’s memories and give them a pleasant lie in return. You do all that to each other and it’s completely fine, but I’m the bad mare for wanting to make you all get along and love each other.” A bolt of energy shot from her horn and I pressed myself against the side of the wall, narrowly avoiding the magic. I turned and ran up the stairs, listening to Turn Coat’s buzzing wings follow me.

“Come on,” Turn Coat said, laughing from her spot behind me. “I promise it’ll be fun.” I reached the last stair in the estate and prayed to Celestia that I’d bought enough time for the nobles to take their medicine. They all sat in the audience, staring blankly at nothing while my pill bottles sat empty in the corner. Giving a sigh of relief, I whirled around, preparing for my ultimate confrontation with Turn Coat, and was promptly hit by a bolt of magic that sent me to the floor.

“Ooh!” Turn Coat said, moving to position herself on top of me as I struggled to get my hooves to move. “It looks like we’ll have an audience for our little finale, Tavi, isn’t that fun?” She looked up at the crowd. “You all can ignore whatever commands she gave you to act decent, I know all this sitting still and not doing anything must be killing you, so go on and have fun while I have a nice talk with my new friend here.”

I struggled to move my hooves and push the changeling off me, but my body was completely unresponsive. “Nice, right?” Turn Coat said, her hungry smile still on her face. “It’s a paralysis spell, only works for a few minutes, but I think that’s all the time I need.” She leaned close and cooed into my ear. “When that spell wears off, you’ll be wishing I’d got my hooves onto you sooner.”

She brought her horn against my temple and a tidal wave crashed against me, sending my mind spinning as the wave washed me away. Words. Fit. Right. Didn’t. I struggled to… something. Remember. Couldn’t. Octavia Melody. The word echoed. Important. Couldn’t forget them. Needed something though.

Octavia Melody. Yes, important words for… something important? Somepony important? Something wanted her forgotten. Her. Yes. Octavia Melody was a her. A name Was I her? I fought the wave, clutching on to those two words as others flooded past. There had to be other words. Words that went with these? Was it… Octavia Melody needed something. Something to go with her or else she was just an empty I. Empty I’s wouldn’t hold up against the wave for long. Needed to fight the wave for some reason.

Philharmonic. Cello. Bon-Bon. Lyra. Ponyville. Academy. Luna. More words floated by. I tried to reach for them, but… they weren’t right. None of them were right. Something else I needed. Something to finish Octavia Melody. I searched the roaring sea for it, clutching tightly to my lifeboat of Octavia Melody and kicked my legs to keep it above the water. Going under would be bad. I needed to keep Octavia Melody close to me. If we were separated, I was lost. That much I knew. I needed Octavia Melody and Octavia Melody needed something else.

In the distance, I saw the words she needed, floating in the distance: Vinyl Scratch. I kicked my legs and swam to them. I couldn’t lose the words. Octavia Melody needed them to stay afloat. Something cold and slimy tried to wrap itself around my back leg. I kicked harder. The words rushed towards me. In a second, Vinyl Scratch would be gone, unretrievable, and Octavia Melody would be alone. They rushed by and I grabbed them with one free hoof. Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch. They fit. They were… Octavia Melody wasn’t Octavia Melody without Vinyl Scratch, and I was… I was Octavia Melody.

I opened my eyes. A changeling sat on top of me. I was Octavia Melody. “You keep offering up new surprises, don’t you?” the changeling said. Yes, she was a changeling and I was Octavia Melody. “Most ponies would be in drool town right now, but not you. You’re still resisting for some dumb reason. I promise whatever you’re hanging on to in there isn’t worth it." I was Octavia Melody and the changeling wanted to keep me from Vinyl Scratch.

There was only one response.

My hoof shot up, the changeling’s head slammed back and she staggered off me. “Huh,” she said, green blood dripping from her mouth. “You know, I was trying to make things easy for you, but if you don’t want to play… Hold her down!” she yelled at the ponies off stage. I turned my head to look at them, and they just stared there, blinking like a fog in front of them was clearing. That was… Why was that important?

One of the nobles stepped up. Yes, they were nobles. That’s… They were nobles, and I’d done something to them. Saved them? Saved them from… Poison? His horn lit up. More nobles stepped forward. More nobles lit their horns up. Turn Coat looked from the nobles, to me, and finally, to the empty pill bottles on the edge of the stage. Understanding formed on her face as the room exploded into light and I fell into darkness.

Author's Notes:

This is something closer to my original version of A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Lose. It's still an adventure, but instead of being a grimdark sadfest, it's a dark adventure with some comedic elements. You know, basically par for the course for Tavi.

The Afterparty

The beeping of a heart monitor pulled me from my sleep, as soothing as the beating of my own heart. What had brought me to the hospital this time? A comically-timed fall down a flight of stairs, exhaustion, some terrible monster from the depths of the Everfree attacking me, a– I bolted up in my bed as memories clicked into place.

“Vinyl Scratch!” I yelled, looking around the hospital room for any sign of her. Why was I… The last thing I could remember was a hundred pissed-off nobles simultaneously casting spells at Turn Coat. After that… I blinked and looked around the room again. My bed was a testament to decadence that was larger than my entire bedroom and I was surrounded by enough pillows to build a life-sized replica of me. The midnight-blue canopy hanging from the bed and the absurdly-detailed paintings of the night sky on the wall furthered my suspicions that this wasn’t the usual hospital room.

“Take it easy,” a voice said from the side of the bed, the speaker’s identity obscured by the mountain of pillows that separated us. I frowned, it wasn’t Vinyl’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” I asked pushing away some of the pillows to reveal Bon-Bon sitting on the side of my bed. “Also, just where is ‘here’?”

“Watching over you while in Luna’s bedchambers while Luna and the Princess have… words,” Bon-Bon said, her voice even.

“You mean ‘While Princess Luna and Princess Celestia have words,’ I hope,” I said, feeling the need to defend my patron’s royalty.

“Of course,” Bon-Bon said, shaking her head. “Forgive me, it’s… a force of habit. How are you feeling?”

I rubbed my forehead, pulling the IV attached to my leg. “Confused about what exactly happened before I lost consciousness, but beyond that, fine, I suppose. I should be asking how you are, after all, you were the one who had to suffer under the effects of that vile concoction.”

She frowned. “You really shouldn’t. You saved me from that potion, and then, you fought off a mind-control spell that should have wiped your identity away like chalk from a board. How’d you do it?”

The memory of my forehoof cracking against her chin came back to me, and I smiled. “The same way I endured Nightmare Night and… several other travesties, I supposed,” I said, my thoughts turning towards Vinyl. “If Turn Coat knew just how I managed to resist the spell, I’m sure she’d find it all very amusing… and possibly ironic.”

“Please don’t mention her,” Bon-Bon said. “We finally had her and she just went dead. Literally, the second we haul her in for interrogation, her body just switched off. At best, she’s dead, and at worst, she’s gone back to the hivemind. Guess which one I’m leaning towards.”

I groaned and shook my head, leaning back against my pillows. “Any chance she’ll disturb us in Ponyville?”

Bon-Bon shook her head. “Even if she figures out where we live, I don’t think her Queen will permit her to go out for revenge, and neither of us can go on any anti-changeling missions again. On the upside, we crippled a major changeling operation, ensured the loyalty of the nobility for the foreseeable future, and Lord Valiant is proving to be a wonderful source of information. Those papers he had me retrieve contained a massive list of all known changeling conspirators, agents, and their bases of operations. As soon as his son is recovered, Celestia plans to pardon him for his crimes.”

“Some bachelorette party,” I said, staring up at the ceiling. “Well, what happens in Canterlot stays in Canterlot, right?” I lifted my head up and looked myself over. “And I don’t have any injuries that need to be explained to Vinyl. Things just get better and better it seems.”

Bon-Bon nodded and darted out of the room. When she returned, she was a pushing a wheelchair. “And speaking of which, both Princesses wanted to see you when you got up. We probably shouldn’t keep them waiting any longer.”

“Do I really have to go to them?” I asked, sitting up as Bon-Bon hooked my IV stand up to the wheelchair. “Certainly, it would be easier for all involved if they came to my room… or Luna’s room, I suppose.”

She just shook her head as I pushed myself onto the wheelchair. “Both the Princesses are extremely busy. Besides, you should be fine now. A few bad nightmares, maybe, but that’s... “ she trailed off. None of us needed to say anything else as she pushed me through the wings of Canterlot Castle.

I laughed as I saw where she was pushing me to. “And what’s so funny?” she asked as we approached two massive jeweled doors.

“The Grand Ballroom,” I said. “Before I came to Ponyville, the room was a giant that always weighed on my mind, and now… Were those doors always this small?”

“Maybe you’ve just grown since then,” she said, bringing a wheelchair to a halt. “You were, like, twelve the last time you played here, right?”

“I think the number was closer to eighteen, but the point stands,” I said. Even if most ponies reach their maximum height by sixteen. “It’s…” I sighed and looked back at the door. For years I’d been tormented by nightmares of this place, and now that I was back… Well, I had other things to give me nightmares now. And other things to dream of outside my ambition. I shook my head. “I apologize,” I said, looking back at Bon-Bon. “Just feeling a touch sentimental, I suppose.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I get it, I’m pretty sure Lyra’s going to feel the same way whenever she gets a doctorate from Celestia’s academy.” The conversation entered into a brief lull as the both of us stared at the door. “So,” Bon-Bon said. “Anything you want to talk about before we go in?”

A thought flittered to life in my head, managing to shake off the few remaining cobwebs of medication. “Actually,” I said, “how exactly were the changelings able to capture you so quickly? I thought you were supposed to be some infiltrator extraordinaire.”

“That’s…” She frowned and looked down at me. “Lyra. I’ve gone against changelings before, and apparently the… I guess you’d call it ‘smell’ of Lyra’s love on me gave me away before I could even get onto the estate.”

“You should tell her the truth,” I said as Bon-Bon moved to knock on the door. “If Vinyl were off saving Equestria in secret, I’d certainly want to know the truth.”

“So you’re going to tell her about this weekend then?” Bon-Bon asked, a smile that hinted she knew something I didn’t forming on her lips. I frowned. That was hardly fair. I already had a checkered history when it came to mental health, telling Vinyl I spent my bachelorette party fighting the changeling menace in Canterlot would only make things worse for me.

I tried to eloquently point out how the two situations weren’t remotely comparable, but instead stammered as the door swung open. “I… That’s… Two completely different…” I looked inside the ballroom and all attempts at communication ceased as my jaw hit the marble floor with such force that I fear I cracked it.

Everypony was in the ballroom.

Allow me to rephrase, every mare I knew from my time in Ponyville was in the ballroom: Celestia, Luna, Lyra, Rarity, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash – Really? Rainbow Dash? Had the two of us even spoken since I’d moved to town? – and–

“Vinyl Scratch!” I yelled as my fiancée sprinted towards me and threw her forelegs around me in one swoop. “What are you? My bachelorette party…”

“Was a total sham,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I mean, the one you told me you were going towas a total sham. This one… not so much.”

My brain sputtered as I tried to accept two equally alien facts. “You… you knew?” I finally stammered out. “How did–”

“Luna teleported into our bedroom, told me the basics of what happened, and then said we needed Pinkie to throw the biggest baddest bachelorette party in Equestrian history,” Vinyl said, glancing back at my group of friends.

“I don’t believe I used those exact words,” Luna said, glaring at Vinyl, prompting me to wrap a protective foreleg around her. Nopony could get irritated with Vinyl but me. It was my prerogative. “I think it was more along the lines of wishing to reward such a dedicated servant of the crown with a proper bachelorette party.” Her eyes twinkled. “And speaking of dedicated servants of the crown, a large portion of the nobility decided to donate heavily to my academy. Who knows where such generosity sprungfrom?”

“Indeed,” Rarity said. “But all that dreadful business can wait until later, right now, I believe we have a bachelorette party to throw, isn’t that right Pinkie?”

My pink friend nodded her head with such vigor she almost ripped it off. “Uh-huh, and I planned everything to be just perfect. It’s got– It’s got– It’s got–”

“Balloons? Streamers?” I asked, filling in the blanks for her.

She nodded at me. “Of course, but it’s also got–” She clapped her hooves and a quartet of earth-pony stallions trotted out, carrying various instruments and wearing nothing but a bowtie. Whether it was an attempt to pay tribute to my impeccable fashion sense or an attempt to look revealing, I decided not to ask. In fact, I decided not to think about whether or not wearing just a bowtie could be seen as revealing at all.

“Behold! The Stallion Stud String Quartet!” Pinkie yelled, giving a dramatic twirl. “Perfect for those classy bachelorette parties.”

“Uhmm… Pinkie? You know Tavi and I are fillyfoolers, right? Kind of why we’re getting married.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t like… all fillyfooler, right? I mean, you see a nice slab of chiseled equine musculature, and you’ll still get to vroomin, right?” Pinkie asked, looking between Vinyl and I and the quartet.

Vinyl and I just shrugged in unison. “I never really noticed, did you, Vinyl?”

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “Never really did much for me. Tried in college a few times, but…”

“I’ve made a huge mistake,” Pinkie said, her eyes going wide. She turned and looked back at the quartet. “You all, just play music, don’t play it sexy like we talked about. I need to get rid of those gummies and find four nubile young mares to play for this party stat!”

“And you,” I said, turning to look back at Vinyl, one hoof still drawing me close to her.

“Look, I mean… I told you about those times in college where I dabbled, right? I didn’t think it was–”

“I don’t care about that,” I said, shaking my head as the quartet started playing. “My question is should you be at my bachelorette party?”

“Do you want me to go? I mean, I figured that since we’re both bachelorettes and you just saved Equestria that maybe–” She was cut off as my lips pressed against hers.

“Of course, I want you here,” I said, nuzzling at her neck. “I want nothing more, I’m just… Are you sure it isn’t bad luck?”

Vinyl rolled her eyes. “Tavi, you’re way too superstitious,” said the mare who hadn’t been struck down by fate more times than she could count. “Still…” she shrugged. “I don’t think there’s a rule against me being at your bachelorette party, it’s just not usual.”

“I can live with that,” I said, smiling up at her before looking at the rest of my friends. “And thank you all for coming, it wouldn’t be a real proper bachelorette party without you.”

“We are delighted to attend,” Rarity said, trotting over to the punch bowl. “Oh, you don’t mind if I have a bit to drink, do you? Travelling by flying carriage is simply exhausting.”

“You know what’s more exhausting?” Rainbow Dash asked, flying to put herself between Rarity and the punch bowl. “Pulling a carriage from Ponyville to Canterlot, so I think maybe I should get the first drink of punch. What do you think, Rares?”

Rarity sighed. “You are, of course, correct.” She looked back at me. “And how are you feeling, Octavia? How rude of me for not asking earlier.”

“I feel fine,” I said, looking from her to the collection of wires and tubes that terminated in my foreleg to Princess Celestia. “Is there any chance I can get these taken off soon?”

Princess Celestia nodded. “I believe so, we’d have to talk with your doctor first, but from our earlier conversation, I don’t think we’ll have a problem.” She glanced back at my friends. “That is, assuming you don’t mind delaying the party’s start for a few more minutes.”

“Yes, please,” Pinkie said, sprinting back into the ballroom from somewhere else. “I need to completely redo the party games… and the gummies… and a few other things.”

“Then it’s settled,” Princess Celestia said, her horn lighting up as my wheelchair moved back to the door. “That is… you’re fine here, right, Luna?”

“As long as you don’t try to recruit her for any more dangerous missions, I am,” Luna said through clenched teeth.

“Of course,” Celestia said as she, Vinyl, and I passed out of the ballroom.

***

“You handled yourself well in the field,” Celestia said as a nurse undid my heart monitor and pulled my IV monitor free. “Better than I had any reason to suspect, actually. If you are interested in joining EIS, I’m sure I can–”

“No!” Vinyl and I said in unison.

“I’m sorry, your highness,” I said, bowing my head deferentially and attempting to smooth over my faux pas. “While I appreciate the sentiment, I’m quite happy with my little life in Ponyville.”

“Yeah,” Vinyl said, nodding her head and fidgeting with the goggles hanging around her neck, “and I really don’t like the idea of her running around all over Equestria without me. In case you haven’t noticed, bad stuff kind of happens to her a lot, and I’d rather be with her when it does. No offense, Tavi.”

“It’s fine,” I said, nodding my head as the last tube was yanked out of me.. “Having you with me for all my myriad breakdowns and tragedies is what makes them bearable. Also… you’re not upset with me for lying about my trip to Canterlot?”

She shrugged. “I was pretty upset with Bon-Bon when she told us the truth, but then when she talked about how big a badass you were and how you saved Equestria… Well, I can’t be upset with you for going all action hero-ey on those changelings’ flanks, can I?”

“Alright, you can try getting up on your hooves now,” the nurse said, before I could come up with a proper response.

“I wouldn’t say I was an action hero,” I said, getting up on my hooves. “I just did what I needed to do to ensure you stayed safe. Nothing particularly heroic about that.”

Vinyl laughed. “Tavi, you foiled a changeling conspiracy single-hoofedly. That’s pretty action hero-ey to me.”

“Well, I’m glad you aren’t upset,” I said, nuzzling my cheek against hers. “I was worried if I told you the truth, you’d–”

“It’s fine, I mean… I don’t like the idea of you lying to me, but I can make an exception this time. Just let me know the next time you go off to save the world, alright?” Like there was going to be a next time.

“I think managing the academy is enough adventure for me, Vinyl,” I said, trotting to the hallway. “I’ll just leave the world saving to Bon-Bon and the Bearers, if that’s alright with you, Princess.”

Princess Celestia just gave me one of her tiny enigmatic smiles. “Of course, besides, I don’t think Luna could ever forgive me if I poached one of her favorite agents.” Was that what I was? Princess Luna’s agent? Certainly, I did her bidding, was grateful for the opportunities she’d given me, would gladly relocate to the most remote corner of Equestria if she asked me to (again), and… I was her agent. Not that that was a bad thing.

“Ready to do this again?” Vinyl asked as we reached the door to the Grand Ballroom again.

I nodded at her and opened the door. A second later, a sea-green blur pinned me to the ground and wrapped me in a grip so tight that each breath became a struggle. “Thank you, thank you, thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthank thank you!” Lyra said.

“For… what?” I gasped, trying to push my friend off me.

“For saving Bonnie,” she said, springing back up to her feet. I swear her and Pinkie have some high-energy relation in common. “She told me everything that happened! Said I deserved to know the complete truth, and I just… I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t gone with her.”

“It’s nothing, really,” I said, struggling to my hooves as Vinyl assisted me. “I’m just glad the two of you are–”

“Alright, everypony,” Pinkie said, bursting back into the room with several stacks of – Oh, Celestia, who would ever think those games were suitable for any party? – on her back, “let’s party!”

***

My friends gathered and conversed, drifting from the snack bar, to the dance floor, to the… well, only Lyra, Vinyl, and Rainbow Dash were bold enough to play the party games. I was just happy to sit and watch my friends enjoy themselves, occasionally speaking with whoever drifted over to my little slice of the party.

“So, a rather different experience compared to the last time you were here, I imagine,” Princess Luna said, trotting to sit next to me. “Perhaps a bit more festive.”

“Well, I can actually enjoy myself during the party, so that’s… something,” I said, smiling up at her. “Oh! And this party hasn’t been ruined by…” I gestured a hoof at the Bearers’ direction.

Luna laughed. “You should hear the way Tia tells it, she makes it sound like the gala being ruined was the best thing to happen to it in a millenium.”

I just shrugged and took another sip of my alcohol-free cider. “It’s hard to disagree with her sometimes. When I think of all that’s happened to me since then, and how things might’ve been different if the gala was an actual success… Well, I don’t think I’d be having this bachelorette party if the gala had gone like I’d wished it.”

“Oh?” Luna asked, raising up an eyebrow. “So if you were invited back to the gala–”

“I don’t think that will be happening any time soon,” I said, struggling not to laugh at the idea. “After what happened the last few times I played for them… You know how ponies can be.”

“I know they can be incredibly grateful when you save their lives,” Luna said, smiling at me. “Just let me know if you wish to play the gala in the future, and I’m sure the nobility will back your decision 100%.”

“Really?” I asked, feeling a heat blossom in my chest. “You mean that… I’d actually... “ I trailed off as my life in Ponyville came back to me like a cool summer breeze. “I’d love to, I could bring a plus one, right?”

She nodded and glanced at Vinyl. “If you’re sure that’s a wise idea–”

Our conversation was interrupted as Pinkie hopped onto the stage. “Alright, everypony, I have a super special awesome treat for you all. For one night only, we’ve got the incredible Octavia Melody on cello for you, so give her a big hoof, alright!”

The stage light suddenly turned to me, and I looked around at all my friends. “I’d… I’m afraid I don’t have my cello with–”

Before I could finish the objection, Pinkie pulled my cello case from her mane. “It’s right heeeerreeee,” she sing-songed. “So get your flank up here and show us all how to shake that groove thang.”

“Alright,” I said, trotting to the stage. “While I’d be more than happy to play a few songs, I don’t think any of them will lead ponies to quote ‘shake their groove thang.’”

“Mhmm, are you sure? I heard that new song of yours was pretty great,” Pinkie said, bouncing off the stage as I unpacked my cello.

“You heard wrong, then,” I said, bringing my cello upright and balancing on my back hooves. “I’ve never been known for original…” I trailed off as a melody that had spent the last year growing in my head was birthed with perfect clarity. It’s first notes were a great baroque boom, dominating the auditorium and drowning out any other sounds. From there, it progressed into a dirge, reminiscing on lost grandeur. The song spiralled around in rage and sorrow until a few notes began to pull it from the darkness. They were upbeat and eclectic, the sounds of hope.

I frowned as I imagined the notes and sounds in my head. To properly create the weaving effect, I’d need a full orchestra, but… I could (poorly) translate it to the cello. The lighter notes started pulling the melody up before the song suddenly crashed back down to brooding and baroque. It tried to rise again, but this time rose with a frenzied madness, excitedly chasing itself and twisting around too quickly for the listener to properly anticipate the next moves.

The frenzied rush culminated in a great cacophony followed by a silence where the song rebuilt itself, this time sounding soft and sweet. A love song. With every line, it grew louder, but never too loud, never enough to drown the world out. Instead, it became a constant support. A point of reassurance, as the song–

“Hey, Tavi, you alright?” Vinyl yelled from the audience. “You’ve just been kind of staring off at nothing for a while. Kind of thought you were gonna play a song… or something. Unless… Ooh! Do you want me to play with you? I could probably find some DJ equipment or whatever.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine, I just… I was thinking of a song.” I drew the bow across the string. “It’s a little rough, and I think it would work far better with a full orchestra, but… to all my dear friends, I’m pleased to present a composition that’s been brewing in the back of my brain for the last year. I present to you all The Song of Ponyville.

It is almost certainly a cliche to say so, but surrounded by all my friends at my bachelorette party, playing for them my first original composition, it was the best night– No, any of my nights with Vinyl were better than this one, but certainly, it was the best party ever.

Author's Notes:

Alright, this is the story. There are technically two chapters afterwards, but they don't count. They're the original versions of Chapters 2 and 3, and they should only be read if you want to see how completely awful the original version of this story was. I still shake my head thinking about what prompted me to publish them.

Original (and Terrible) Chapter Two

Author's Notes:

From here on out, we're in non-canon territory. If for some reason, you preferred the original version of this story to the revised version, I left it in for you to re-read, but these events are not canonical to the Orchestra-verse. Still, I'm leaving this up so you can read it and laugh at my terrible writing mistake.

The hotel bar was shrouded in the perpetual haze of cigar smoke as ponies went about their nightly routines. Some drinking alone, others making drunken advances towards those near them, almost all of them ignoring that night’s entertainment, with two exceptions. One was a brown earth-pony stallion with a black mane, and a black coat and fedora for a cutie mark. I suppose what Bon-Bon said about most spies being handicapped for having spying-related cutie marks was right, as this stallion might as well have had the word “Traitor” hanging from around his neck. The other pony was the handler I had been assigned, a lovely pink mare who was making a point of looking at her newspaper while occasionally looking at either myself or the pony I assumed was Turn Coat.

Speaking of Turn Coat, he had been staring at me non-stop since I had started my performance. As much as my instincts told me to ignore him, I remembered my mission (how in Equestria had Bon-Bon ever talked me in to this?) and occasionally rewarded his attention with a demure little smile, while I found myself wanting to beat him to death with my nigh-indestructible cello.

As soon as my performance ended, he sauntered towards me, a predatory grin on his face; I smiled back, hoping to elicit a come-hither effect. I suppose it worked, since he continued his approach. “The great Octavia Melody, performing in a hotel bar. What strange turn of fate brought you my way?” Then he laughed, and bowed. “How rude of me to speak without introducing myself. I am Coat Cleaner.”

“Well,” I said, meeting his gaze, “my friend owns the hotel, so whenever I have the time, I do a free show for her.” My mind went to the spot on my left forehoof that was usually occupied by my engagement band. While the coat on my forehoof usually did a fantastic job of obscuring it, its total absence made me feel particularly vulnerable. I found myself hoping that Vinyl would forgive me if she ever found out about this, while vowing that she wouldn’t. It certainly made me empathize with Bon-Bon’s fears of telling Lyra the truth.

“I see,” he said, moving uncomfortably close to me, while I resisted the temptation to drive my bow through his eye socket. “It certainly is a stroke of good luck on my part that you are as kind as you are talented.” I felt the heat of his breath on my neck, and if I was a mare who was attracted to stallions, it might

certainly never read. Still, it was important to play the part, I suppose. “I’m not that talented.”

“Nonsense,” he said, “you played at the gala before you were twenty, and a few years later were chosen to found Equestria’s newest orchestra. You are quite the exceptional individual, Miss Melody.” He moved his forehoof to rest on my side, and I managed not to recoil in revulsion.

I struggled to think of something to say that would seem natural, germane to the topic at hand, and appropriately flirty. Thankfully, while I struggled, he continued to talk. “I have a confession to make, Octavia. You see, I have been a follower of yours for quite some time. You piqued my curiosity when rumors of a talented earth pony musician working in Canterlot began to surface, and you gained my full attention after you played at the Gala. I even secured tickets to what was supposed to be your moment of triumph. Unfortunately, circumstances dictated otherwise, but you still handled yourself magnificently, something none of the other musicians there could say. Since then, you have continued to impress me, and I’ve always dreamed of talking to you.”

“Th-thank you,” I said, genuinely flattered by his compliment. “It’s pleasant to talk with somepony with such a sophisticated musical palette. Most of the ponies I talk with today don’t know their Beethoofen from their Mocart.”

He frowned and tenderly ran a hoof down my foreleg, turning his touch into a caress. It was… surprisingly pleasant, and I suddenly felt my cheeks become flushed with heat. I loved Vinyl and I liked mares, I mentally repeated to myself. “Such a shame,” he said, stroking my neck. “I have many contacts inside and outside of Equestria who would be honored to have you play for them.” He drew even closer to me, his face right next to my own.

The last few months had been so unbelievably difficult. First the headmistress we hired had fled Ponyville while taking a large amount of the school’s funding with her, forcing me to take the job, then half the teachers in the school quit because they said they “couldn’t handle this town anymore,” forcing me to overwork the ponies we did have and even teach a class myself. It would be pleasant to have that recognition again, to have ponies recognize my achievements. Of course, such thoughts were merely the musings of a mare who had found love, friendship, and a place to call home.

“As much as I would love to talk about such things,” I said, “do you think we could continue this conversation somewhere private? I would offer my room, but I am staying with the owner and… I suppose it could work, but she might interrupt our conversation.”

He smiled, having apparently swallowed my bait. “Say no more, I have a perfectly lovely suite we can use. That is, if you’re okay with going to the room of a stallion you only just met.”

I laughed. “It’s no more scandalous than you going to my room. We’re both adults though, I think we can be trusted to make… responsible decisions. Just let me pack up my cello.”

“Of course,” he said, smiling as I packed up my cello and made sure the “breath mints” Bon-Bon had given me were easily accessible.

“Alright,” I said, carefully closing my cello case. “Lead on.”

Turn Coat gave a wordless smile and walked towards the hotel elevator while I followed behind him. It was a silent walk and I found myself struggling with a wave of self-recrimination. So I had momentarily considered his offer... that didn’t make me a bad fiancée, did it? It just meant I was having a hard time with work, and honestly, saying I considered it momentarily is inaccurate as the amount of time his offer spent in my head was less than ten seconds. Much harder to explain away was my reaction to his caress. It was… unworthy of me. I loved Vinyl absolutely, and if I counted the stallions I had been attracted to on my hooves, I would still be able to stand on my back legs.

There’s one more now, a voice in the back of my head whispered, which I promptly told to shut up, as I reminded myself that the Equestrian government would owe me a few favors after this was all over, and I think hoofing the bill for my wedding and honeymoon would make for a lovely start.

“So, what can I get you to drink?” a voice asked pulling me from my thoughts.

“Hmm? Oh, I don’t drink,” I said as we entered his suite. It was a rather spacious room, with its own bar and kitchen in one corner, which he was currently walking towards. “The last time I did, I wound up trying to flirt with every mare on a cruise ship.”

“Really?” he asked, a faint frown creasing his lips. “You prefer the company of other mares?”

I tried to smile at him. “I’ve been known to dabble when intoxicated.” In much the same way Celestia might dabble in meddling with other ponies’ lives.

“Well,” he said pouring two glasses of wine, “I am certainly not going to complain. In fact, I think I might save that particular bit of information for later. Now, I know you said you don’t drink, but one glass of wine wouldn’t kill you, would it?” He smiled and pushed a glass of wine towards me. “I promise there won’t be any other mares around for you to flirt with.”

I forced a smile. “If you insist, how could I refuse such a generous host?” I picked up the glass and swirled it a few times before taking the faintest of sips. It was pleasant, of course, with a strange taste I couldn’t quite make out hiding just below the surface, but as soon as I swallowed it, I started to worry about the drink’s future effects on me. If I had too much, my ability to focus on the mission might be compromised. I decided that one sip would not kill me – or worse, cause me to have a repeat of the cruise-ship episode.

“Do you like it?” he asked, an inscrutable smile on his lips. “I would hate to serve such a distinguished mare as yourself an inferior vintage. Why, I could never forgive myself.”

“It’s fine,” I said, setting the drink down. “Like I said, I just don’t drink that much.”

“And I won’t force you to drink any more than you want to, but it would be a shame to waste such an esteemed vintage.”

I swallowed nervously as he continued to stare at me, my eyes darting nervously between him and the glass of wine, while I struggled to keep my composure. “Of course,” I said, taking a second sip of wine. “I think that the opportunity to sample such a fine bottle of wine far outweighs the risks that I will have a bad reaction to one glass.”

“A bold choice,” he said before taking another drink. “I would expect no less from the esteemed Octavia Melody. Now please, tell me a bit more about yourself.” Turn Coat settled into one of two chairs next to the window as he gestured for me to take the seat next to him. “For example, you can start by telling me about your fiancée.”

“Wh-what?” I asked, suddenly finding myself frozen with terror.

“Please, don’t play coy, Octavia. It doesn’t suit you.” He flashed me the same predatory smile he had when he approached me, and I felt my heart skip a beat. “I noticed the impression made by your engagement band back when you were performing, and thought it was rather odd. I briefly considered the idea that you and your unknown fiancée had recently broken up before your show, but for it to still have left an impression, the two of you would have had to have broken up only a few hours before your performance, and neither your bearing or our conversation indicated such a potentiality. That left me to believe that you either took the band off because it negatively impacted your ability to play, or that you were a part of some sort of honeypot devised by the Equestrian Intelligence Services. Considering that you didn’t mention a fiancée at all during our flirtations, it left only one plausible conclusion in my mind. Now, finish your glass of wine.”

Reflexively, I brought the glass to my lips and swallowed its contents in less than ten seconds. “How did you do that?” I asked, failing to keep the fear out of my voice.

He chuckled. “Just a little trick of the trade I picked up after several years in the espionage game. I’ll tell you all about it after I finish my business tonight. Although…”

There was a pause as he scratched his chin. “Sit next to me please and be quiet, I need to think.”

Wordlessly, I followed his command, my motor functions following his orders obediently while the rest of my mind screamed in terror. “Now then,” he said, turning to regard me, “I’m going to talk aloud, voice some of my theories about what the EIS does and doesn’t know, and if I happen to be correct, you will nod your head. What you will not do is speak. Do you understand? Nod if you do.”

I nodded, my face completely impassive, while I felt my rage begin to subside for some unknown reason. “Good,” he continued. “Now then, let’s see, if the EIS sent you after me, then it stands to reason that they know I was behind the break-in.” I nodded. This wasn’t so bad, I found myself thinking. Turn Coat was smart, strong, powerful… attractive, there was no shame in serving him, although some angry voice in the back of my mind begged to differ.

“The fact that they sent you to me tonight indicates that they know when the hoofoff is happening, and prepared to intercept and neutralize me before it occurred, presumably to replace my documents with forgeries or to see who ordered my break-in.” Nod. “But, if they wanted to just see who my employer was, they could have tailed me and I would almost certainly have never noticed. Instead, they send a mare who is unskilled at espionage and engaged, to seduce me because they correctly deduced she is the perfect bait for me. I admit, if not for the mark left by your engagement band, I would have fallen for you hook, line, and sinker as they say.” As he spoke, whatever was in the wine finished its work, and the voice in my head that railed against his commands vanished completely, while I found myself quite happy to listen to his commands and bask in his radiance. He smiled at me, and I felt a wave of pleasure ripple through my body.

“I can see that the changeling venom in the wine is doing its work. Wonderful stuff, over an extended period of time, it can permanently alter a pony’s true personality, but that’s not important. What is important is that its immediate effects include drastically-heightened suggestibility, and a feeling of intense euphoria and desire to please, typically directed towards the pony giving you commands. Now sit next to me.” He scooted over and gestured towards the empty spot on the seat next to him. I happily trotted over and sat next to him, pressing my body against his and feeling warm languid waves of ecstasy emanating from the place where his flank touched mine. My face was flushed with excitement and joy and I found myself thinking of how unworthy I was to be in the same room as him. I could bask in his presence forever and spend a lifetime composing poems that were only a pale echo of his magnificence.

He ran a hoof across my withers and I felt as if I was about to explode in a wave of pleasure. “Now, back to business. All this leads me to believe you want to intercept me and use this as a chance to disseminate false information to the enemies of Equestria, and more importantly, it leads me to believe that there is only one way I can get out of this without languishing in a cell or worse.” He laughed, and I hated myself for not understanding what was so funny. If I knew what it was, I could do it again to make him happy. “I think it’s time I live up to my name and play double agent. Go out to your handler, bring them back with you, but do not say a word of what has transpired here to anypony else.” As soon as he finished his sentence, I headed to the door, thrilled to be able to help him in anyway possible. Of course I did, I lov- the word hit a snag in my mind for some unknown reason -ed him.

As I went about the task he had set before me, the world seemed darker and greyer without his presence, and I was all too happy to walk back into the room with the handler Bon-Bon had assigned me in tow. “We’re back,” I said, quickly rushing over to sit by his side and bask in his presence. How could I have lived the first twenty-one years of my life without him? How could anypony live without him?

“You seem rather affectionate for having just met the man,” my handler said dryly. She was a boring pink mare with nothing remarkable about her, and I hated her. I hated the way she looked at me, and I hated the way she wanted to separate me from my… I wanted to say true love, but something stopped me. I tilted my head, feeling as if there was something profoundly important I was forgetting.

“I suppose she was one over by my charm,” he laughed, swirling his glass of wine. For a second, I wondered how he could have tasted the wine without feeling the effects of the changeling venom, before chastising myself for ever being so silly. He was Magnificent and could do as he pleased. The fact that he chose to bless such a mare as me with his love was truly wonderful. He was wonderful. Wonderful. The word repeated over and over in my head, and I felt warm all over.

“Excuse us,” he said, standing up and walking towards the bathroom. “I need to have a word with Miss Melody for a moment.” My handler, the mare who looked so disapprovingly at my love for my master, nodded as we went into the bathroom together.

“Now dear,” he said as the door clicked closed, “it’s important that they believe you haven’t been compromised, so when we go out there, you need to sit opposite me and look at me with that same look of detachment I saw when you were performing, okay?”

“You know I will,” I said, rubbing my cheeks against his soft warm fur. “I will do anything for you, but what do you mean by compromised?” The word sounded funny to me. “I’m not compromised, I’ve been awoken. The wool has been pulled from my eyes, and I can see how magnificent you are and how lowly I am. I’m not even fit to say your name m- What should I call you?”

He smiled and kissed my neck, causing my body to quiver with joy and pleasure. “Master or sir when we’re alone dear, but when we are in front of your friends, you need to call me Turn Coat.”

“Yes master.” I giggled at having said the name aloud. It was so perfect for him, how I hadn’t thought of it earlier was further proof of how stupid and weak I was compared to his glory. “I mean Turn Coat. Should we go out and… talk?”

“If you are suitably composed, yes.” My master, it was such a lovely and perfect word for describing him, opened the door and I followed him out, pained that I would have to sit so far away from him and contain my enthusiasm, but it would be worth it because it would make him happy. If he wished for me to jump out the window, I would do so with a smile on my face What was the life of an insect like me if it made him happy?

“I do apologize for that,” he said to the mare as we sat down. “Now let’s talk business.”

“First, I would like to talk about Miss Melody. Is she alright?” Stupid idiot mare, couldn’t she see how happy I was? How elated to be in the presence of perfection? What was wrong with her for not seeing that? How could she resist the urge to bow before my master and offer him all the praise he deserved? If only she would drink the wine, she would see, but then I might have to share him, and I wouldn’t want that until he told me I did.

“I’m fine.” I said, my voice clipped. I didn’t want to talk to her. Not like this, I wanted to tell her how wonderful the stallion she was looking at was, but instead I just had to say “I’m fine” like a good girl. But I was a good girl and would do anything my master told me to.

“Yes, quite,” my master said. “You chose the perfect bait for your little honeypot and I’m ashamed to say she had me eating out of her hooves in no time.”

“If that’s the case,” the idiot mare said, “then why didn’t she stick to the plan?”

“It’s not her fault,” he said, dignifying her with a cheap mechanical laugh that a worm like her didn’t deserve. “I’m afraid once we got to talking, I had a moral epiphany and decided to dedicate myself to the crown, so I confessed my misdeeds to her and asked for her to arrange a meeting between us so that we might form an agreement. As a sign of good faith, the stolen documents are over there.” He gestured at a saddlebag hanging from his closet, right next to where I had placed my cello, and the idiot mare quickly moved to inspect it.

“Alright,” she said, attaching the saddlebags to her back. “And Octavia, you’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m...” I wanted to say that I was ecstatic, elated, that I had never felt better, that I was madly euphorically in love with… again I felt the slight tug of resistance, I was forgetting something, something important but I couldn’t remember it. Could it have been that important compared to my master?

“Fine.” I finished.

“I believe I can be of tremendous use to the crown,” my Master continued smoothly, “I have spent a lifetime developing contacts within the criminal underworld and with Equestria’s enemies. I could feed you information about them, and of course I would be happy to finish the drop you have planned with Lord Valiant tonight as another show of good faith.”

“While that does sound immensely helpful,” the unimportant mare whose name escaped me said, “you have to understand my superiors would have some reservations about sending a former enemy of Equestria out to spy on our current enemies. It seems a recipe for disaster.”

My master tapped his chin and I could see his glorious plan coming together while the stupid idiot mare just sat there like the unworthy lump she was. “Perhaps we could reach an agreeable solution? Miss Melody could travel with me and write status reports twice a week, if at any time she feels I have relapsed into old habits, she can include a codeword that will let you know I need to be apprehended immediately. If you used the right enchantment, the parchment could even include a tracking spell so I can easily be found. Obviously, her failure to report would also be cause for an alarm and you could then dispatch the guards.”

“I suppose that could work,” the idiot mare said, “but only if Octavia approves with the plan, she isn’t a full time employee of the agency.”

Of course I approved of the plan, it meant I got to spend more time to celebrate with my master. How could anypony object? But that isn’t what my master wanted me to say. He wanted me to say something empty and devoid of emotion. “If it’s for the good of the crown, then I will gladly do it. It is my duty as an Equestrian citizen.”

A brief flicker of surprise ran through her face but she managed to conceal it well. “If you’re sure, I will bring the offer to my superiors. I will also be making the drop, so until then the two of you can stay in here. Octavia, make sure he doesn’t leave.” She told me not to let him leave, and I immediately felt something inside me make me want to obey her command, even though it wasn’t something my master told me to do.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said. “I think it’s time I got to know my new jailer.” He smiled at me as the other mare took the papers out of my cello case and turned to leave the room. As soon as the hotel room door clicked closed, I wrapped my forelegs around him, drawing his body close to mine, feeling his heat close to mine and moaning in pleasure. He was here, with me, alone, and I wanted him. I wanted him to do whatever he wanted to me.

“Not yet,” he said, nibbling on my ear. “There’s one small thing I want you to do for me first.”

“Anything,” I said, pressing my body tightly against his, “but can it wait… please?”

“Are you questioning me?” he said, pulling away and glaring at me.

“No,” I said, dropping to the ground and grovelling before him. “You know I wouldn’t, I just love you so much and I want you and-”

He laughed his calm, easy, melodious laugh. “It’s alright, pet, get to your hooves.”

“I need...” he said, slowly trailing off. “I need you to write a letter to that former fiancée of yours. What was his name?”

The answer suddenly rocketed towards the forefront of my mind.

Vinyl Scratch.

Her name was Vinyl Scratch.

And she loved me.

And I loved her.

The punch I threw at him seemed to be a reflexive thing, one that the mare he had twisted me into screamed and protested. It was the same punch that had cracked a monster of steel and iron’s skull almost a year before. No, not the same one. This one was stronger. His head jerked back with a resounding and satisfying crack, and the thing that had tried to steal my love for Vinyl fell to the ground like the proverbial sack of bricks.

I stood there, staring down at his unmoving form, sobs wracking my body. So much of me wanted to lay down next to him and wait for him to wake up. To surrender my mind to the changeling venom and be content to serve. To feel the rolling waves of ecstasy that came with being his… pet. Tears stained my cheeks. It had felt so good too, better than anything else I had ever felt in my life. Better than my time with Vinyl. But I wasn’t myself, he… that thing had taken everything I was and twisted it to serve him. To serve him gladly, and I still wanted to. Already I felt the urge to submit to the mindless joy of the changeling venom growing inside me. If he woke up and ordered me to slit my throat I would do so with a smile.

No, I shook my head, trying to keep the effects at bay as long as possible, I couldn’t – wouldn’t – go back to being that thing. Not as long as I still drew breath. But... as long as he still drew breath, he would still have his hold on my mind, and he was more than capable of destroying what little self-control I had regained. I looked down at him again, saw his slow ragged breaths, each one seeming to be a herculean labor. Those would have to stop, I thought to myself. With a grim determination, I brought my forehooves down on his head again and again until his head resembled nothing so much as a shattered melon, and my forehooves covered in a mix of blood and viscera. As sobs of guilt and pain and betrayal wracked my body, my will was dissolved by the changeling venom, and I wrapped my master in a loving embrace until Bon-Bon and the rest of Celestia’s agents found me.

***

“Octavia, tell me what happened,” Bon-Bon said as she walked into the room, a look of horror on her face as she surveyed the grisly scene. Having been given a new command to follow, I gladly leapt away from Turn Coat’s broken body (why I was so enraptured with him earlier was lost to me as somepony else was giving me commands now), and related in exacting detail just what had happened since we last saw each other. When I had finished, her expression had shifted to one of revulsion, and I could see she was struggling to hold back tears. Had I done something to disappoint or upset her? I didn’t mean to.

“Okay,” she said, moving towards me and placing a forehoof on my shoulder, causing me to become deliriously happy and enraptured by her presence, “you need to remember that you’ve been dosed with changeling venom and that it’s altering your perception of reality. You need to fight its effects.”

Yes, that was true, wasn’t it? I thought as I luxuriated in the feeling of her touch. But why in Equestria would I want to fight it? Life was so much better this way, who would ever want to be free of it? Every second I spent fulfilling the wishes of other ponies was pure heaven, and doing anything else just felt like a grey dull waste of time. I found myself noticing the lovely curvature of Bon-Bon’s form and realizing just how smart she had always been. Smarter than me in fact.

Bon-Bon rubbed her forehead, not happy with me for some reason, and I felt as if I was about to be sick for disappointing her. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I am trying to fight off the effects of the changeling venom if it makes you feel any better, but it’s so lovely here. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

One of the other ponies had poured some of the wine into a small vial, and was talking with his colleague, a unicorn mare who zapped it with a spell of some sort after he had finished talking. “Oh no,” Bon-Bon said, beginning to pace the hotel room, careful to avoid the area around Turn Coat, “Vinyl’s going to kill me if she finds out about this, and there’s no way in Equestria she won’t find out about this.”

“If you don’t want me to tell her anything I won-” Vinyl Scratch. The name was important. Very important. I had remembered it earlier, but the venom made me go back to forgetting. It continued to run through my head, growing louder with every iteration. There was a mare attached to it, I dimly recalled. A beautiful, wonderful mare who I loved, not as some obedient slave, but as an equal. That love didn’t seem right to me though, why would a worthless insect such as myself ever dare to view anyone as an equal, especially one as wonderful her. Yes, she was wonderful, better than me in every way. I needed to serve her, to make her happy and bask in the magnificence of her. That was-

I shook my head, temporarily dispelling such thoughts. “I need to keep thinking of Vinyl Scratch,” I said, each word feeling like a pained labor. This was wrong, my mind yelled, doing something for ourselves was wrong. Our place was to serve and obey, not to act. I was a slave and should be quite happy about that fact.

“Please… Help me.” Tears formed in my eyes as I struggled to form the words, struggling to keep the thoughts of how much I would love to serve Vinyl or Bon-Bon at bay by repeating the fact that I loved Vinyl as an equal to myself as much as possible, although every refrain was fainter than the last. “I can’t hold out for much longer. It’s so hard to think at all.”

“Alright,” she said slowly, “I’m so sorry for giving you a command and I understand if you hate me for this, but I need you to go into your cello case, take out one of the breath mints and eat it as quickly as possible. Be sure to chew it up though and not just swallow, that’s important too.” Whatever silly reservations I had vanished as I was given a new command to follow. Why would I ever not want to obey Bon-Bon? She was such a wonderful… no, magnificent pony. The Equestrian language didn’t have the proper word to describe how truly perfect she was. Even perfect wasn’t good enough, not for her.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” I asked as I finished swallowing the mint. I wrapped a forehoof around her and tried to nuzzle my face against hers, but she quickly jerked out of my grip, leaving me to fall on the floor. What did I do to upset her? Why didn’t she want me to love her? “I… I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you,” she said, feigning a smile though I could still see the pain and sadness in her eyes. Pain and sadness that I had put there. I wanted to make her happy so badly, but I didn’t know how. “What I want you to do is go lay down on the bed over there and relax for a bit. I promise you will feel better when you get up.”

“But I feel better than fine now,” I said as I moved to the bed. “I just want to make you happy.”

“I know,” she said, maintaining her fake smile. “I promise when you get up, I will be happy with you.”

“Okay,” I said as I tucked myself into the bedsheets. “I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

“It’s alright, Octavia, now get some rest.”

I smiled as I stared at the ceiling. Hopefully, this would make her happy, I thought slowly, the words taking far longer to form than they should have. I yawned. Because I just wanted to make Bon-Bon happy. All I wanted to do was make her happy, I loved… Before I could finish that thought, I fell into slumber.

Original (and Terrible) Chapter Three

I didn’t want to wake up. I couldn’t bear to wake up. It was… if I woke up, I would have to face my actions. To explain what I had done to Vinyl. Would I have to explain just how wonderful the experience had been? How quickly I fell to the mindless joy? The worst part was that no matter what I said, she would forgive me, say it wasn’t my fault and embrace me. Did I deserve it though? Did I deserve her love after what I had done? The questions filled the black void I inhabited as I tried desperately not to wake up.

Sadly, I could not hold off the inevitable forever, and I slowly became aware of a persistent beeping in my immediate vicinity that I quickly identified as a heart monitor. Masked beneath it was the sound of a pony breathing. Their breath was faint and slow, and I decided that they were probably asleep, meaning I could open my eyes and see just who it was.

A quick glances through the room confirmed my suspicions. My fiancée was sitting on a cushion next to my bed, her side resting against the room’s walls as her electric-blue mane covered both her eyes. She looked so adorable when she slept, I just wanted to- I recoiled away from her as I recalled the twisted affection of the changeling venom, how much I loved each touch and caress. A swarm of other memories came with it, and I became physically ill as my mind forced me to relive the entire incident, seeing how hideous my actions were and being completely unable to stop them.

My recoiling apparently brought Vinyl to wakefulness, and before I could go back to feigning slumber, her eyes met mine. “How long’ve you been up?” she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with one hoof.

“Too long,” I said, moving my head to avoid her gaze and stare at the relatively innocuous ceiling instead. “How much do you know?”

“I know that Bon-Bon is apparently a spy-”

“Agent of stability,” I automatically corrected. Apparently if you hear the same line enough, it eventually sticks in your head.

“Yeah, that. Anyways, she got you to go on this big dangerous mission, and you got hurt. When she told me, I really wanted to punch her in the face for bringing you on a mission without telling me.” I shuddered, recalling the last punch I threw and the several blows that came after it. I was a murderer now too, how could I have forgotten that? The worst part was I… No, there was still guilt, but when I thought of the incident, there was a grim feeling of satisfaction. Had I enjoyed killing him? If I had the choice, I would definitely do it again. “Are you feeling better?”

Better than what? Mindless ecstasy? A world free of guilt and recrimination where I would serve anypony happily? No, but this was better wasn’t it? I was free. Free to doubt. Free to fear. Free to hate myself. Free to obsess over every terrible thing I had done during the span. Free. I started to sob. “I’m sorry, Vinyl,” I said as I choked back tears. “It’s… He undid me Vinyl, turned me into something I wasn’t, and… and now I don’t think I can ever go back to normal.”

“It’s alright,” she said, wrapping her forehooves around me, “I’ll be with you every step of-”

The touch recalled memories of the night of Turn Coat, the way his fur felt, the way the poison made me want to do anything I could to make him happy, what I so desperately wanted to do, and how wonderful every second of it felt. I reflexively shoved her away, sending her staggering into the wall. “I’m sorry… I can’t… just please don’t touch me right now.”

Vinyl frowned, the worry in her eyes growing. I had hurt her, I didn’t want to hurt her but- I closed my eyes and tried to will the thought away. “I’m sorry,” I said. “How are Lyra and Bon-Bon doing?”

“I don’t know how they are now, but I’m about two seconds from tracking Bon-Bon down and forcing her to tell me just what happened. I could wring her neck right now.” There was a fire in her eyes I had never seen before. It hurt just to look at, and I wasn’t the pony the anger was directed towards.

“Please don’t,” I said, my voice suddenly becoming very small. “Please don’t talk like that Vinyl… I…” The words caught in my throat. “I killed somepony.”

“You what?” she asked, every emotion but shock vanishing from her features. “Tell me what happened, right now.”

I nodded, still sniffling. “Just… please try not to hate me for what happened.”

Vinyl smiled at me and it was genuine. It was the first genuine smile I had seen in what felt like forever.

***

By the time I had finished my story, both of us had cried, run out of tears, and cried some more, something I had previously thought impossible. Perhaps I should not have given every last detail, but I felt that if something were left out, it might come back to haunt us later. Knowing my luck, it almost certainly would. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to me,” I said, using a forehoof to dry my face. “I killed somepony. I don’t think there has been a murder in Equestria in a century.”

Vinyl snorted derisively. “And if you hadn’t, I would have, and I probably wouldn’t have been as clean about it as you were.”

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s… that’s a bit extreme isn’t it?”

“Not after what he did to you.” There was a darkness in her voice I had never heard before, that eliminated any doubt that she was joking. “Look, you know I’m usually pretty laid back and stuff, and no, normally I wouldn’t even think of killing somepony but… after that, I don’t know. He did something so terrible I didn’t even think it was bucking possible, and he did it to the mare I love most in the world. Of course I wish I could’ve to kill him. I want to bring him back from the dead just so I can kill him again.” She paced around my bedside, her eyes burning and threatening to devour the room.

“I feel so useless! There you were in your time of need and I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even know anything was wrong. Instead, I was getting hammered with Lyra. I just…” She plopped down on her flank. “I don’t know how to help you.”

“You can stay with me,” I whispered.

Vinyl laughed and walked to the side of my bed, drawing as close as she could to me while being careful to not make contact. “Did you really think the alternative was an option?”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “It’s good to hear you say yes. After what happened, I don’t feel sure of anything.” My fiancée lovingly stroked my mane, making sure to ask my permission first, and traced a hoof along the pink stripe in it. I was content to let it happen, focusing on the tenderness and affection in her touch. It wasn’t long, but for a second, I was happy.

“You’re okay?” Vinyl said as she drew her hoof away, not daring to press her luck further. “I was worried that you would freak out, but at the same time, touch is the main way I comfort you.”

“It’s alright,” I said. “Asking for permission helped immensely and… your touch was different than his.” It felt nowhere near as good, a treasonous voice whispered in my mind, and I shuddered.

“Sorry,” I said as I regained my composure. “Just an unpleasant memory.” I tried to smile for her benefit. “Not that I have a shortage of those.”

Somepony knocked on the door and it creaked open, revealing the cream-colored mare who had convinced me that playing spy would work out for the best. The sight of her made my throat constrict, as a small voice in the back of my head told me how wonderful it would be to serve her. The waves of pleasure, the mindless obedience, the simple unending desire to please, all things I never wanted to feel again. Yes you do.

“You have a lot of nerve to walk in here after what you did to her,” Vinyl snarled, taking a step towards the mare. “First you talk her into going on this stupid mission without letting me know! Then you come back to Ponyville, tail tucked between your legs to say that there’s been some sort of terrible accident and that Tavi is in the hospital! And now, I find out that-” She paused, getting choked up on something. “It was horrible, and you were there, and you didn’t let me know! You let me spend two days in the hospital wondering just what the hay happened, coming up with increasingly horrible scenarios, and then when she wakes up it turns out that my worst fears would have been preferable to the truth!”

“I’m sorry, Vinyl,” Bon-Bon said, taking several steps back to match my fiancée’s advance and stay safely out of hoof’s reach. “I didn’t think anything dangerous would happen. I was so sure I had the entire operation planned out, I was so sure nothing would go wrong.”

“So it’s my fault then?” Vinyl yelled. Before either of us could voice our confusion, she gave us the answer. “My hoofband gave her away and led to that psychopath figuring out the truth, if not for it, then everything would’ve gone fine. If we weren’t engaged…” Her yelling turned into sobbing. “If we didn’t know each other, then maybe everything would’ve been fine. It’s my fault.”

“Vinyl, no.” I said, managing to speak up to comfort my fiancée, despite the fact that it drew Bon-Bon’s attention. Seeing her in pain was somehow worse than seeing a living reminder of how terrible I had been. “Don’t… don’t do this to yourself. If you want to blame yourself for that then I have to blame myself for not taking off the hoofband earlier or not seeing through Turn Coat’s plan or not telling you what was happening before I left. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and beating yourself up over it won’t do anypony any good.”

She smiled ever so slightly. “Thanks, I… I guess you’re right, but it doesn’t feel right, you know? I keep thinking I should have done something or known better or that this is somehow my fault.”

“Do you know whose fault it is?” I asked her. “It’s Turn Coat’s fault, nopony else’s.” Except mine, I added wordlessly. Mine for going along with the plan. Mine for drinking the wine. Mine for falling to the venom’s influence. Mine for becoming such a monster. Mine for enjoying it. Mine for wishing I could get rid of all my fear and sadness by having another glass. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. All mine.

“You know,” she said after a pause, “I think I’m supposed to be the one comforting you now.”

“You are.” I said, giving her a small smile. “But if you fall into that pit of self-loathing, you can’t really help me, can you?”

“No… I suppose not. Tavi, are you okay? You usually aren’t this calm after something unbelievably terrible happens. Or at least not collected enough to give advice.”

I wasn’t, at all. My mind was switching from utter soul-crushing despair at what had happened, to wishing I could drink more changeling venom to make the pain stop, to hating myself for even thinking such a thing, and back again with astounding regularity, but I didn’t want to see Vinyl suffer. “Well, I’ve had plenty of experience,” I said, faking a smile for her.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Bon-Bon said, “but I just wanted to come and apologize for… everything.” She glanced at me nervously with the last word, and I struggled to meet her gaze. “I also want to convey a message: after evaluating all the evidence and at the scene testimony, the crown has decided not to press charges for murder and has ruled this a justifiable case of self-defense.” Good, so while I wasn’t going to have to languish in a prison cell, I could still walk around knowing I was the only murderer living in all of Equestria. What had I ever done to deserve the honor?

My ability to put on a brave face for Vinyl’s sake crumbled. “You said… when you recruited me for this mission, that Celestia would owe me a favor. I know what I want, I want her to tell me how in Equestria I can live the rest of my life knowing that I’m the only murderer in all the land. How I can live with the knowledge that I am demonstrably worse than my neighbors. How I can think that I am in any way a good pony even though I know I am the first murderer in Equestria in over a hundred years. I want to know why I don’t feel a single shred of remorse. I killed somepony and I’m happy about it. I’m happy to be free of him. I’m happy I killed him before he could finish warping me into his pet, and I don’t think that’s the way ponies are supposed to feel after they kill somepony. Can Celestia tell me what is wrong with me? Because that’s the favor I want.” At some point during my rant, I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

There was a pause as I finished my rant where both Vinyl and Bon-Bon stared at me. Then at once, the spell was broken as Bon-Bon ran out of the room while Vinyl moved to try and reassure me by reminding me of the fact that it was either him or me, as if there was some way that could justify my crime.

***

I awoke to find Vinyl standing next to my hospital bed, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her saddlebags. “Wh-why is that here?” I asked.

She smiled at me, her teeth strangely dagger like. “I saw how sad you were today, and then when you told me about the changeling venom, I thought the solution was so obvious. You just need to drink more. You didn’t hurt then did you? No, you were happy then, free of all your worries and problems. The only thing that pulled you from that perfect bliss was my absence, but now you can have both. You can finally be happy with me.” As she spoke, she poured a glass of wine for me and sat it next to my bedside.

“But- it… Don’t you want me to-”

“I want you to be happy, Tavi, and weren’t you happy after you drank the changeling venom?”

I made a very slight nod.

“Happier than you’ve ever been, right?”

“Ye-yes, but it wasn’t real.”

Vinyl laughed. “It felt real, you responded as if it was real. Don’t you want that feeling again? With me?”

Celestia help me, I did, I thought, reaching a hoof out for the glass. I wanted that feeling of intense pleasure. I wanted to put down my worries. I wanted to love my fiancée with the same intensity I loved a monster. I didn’t want to hurt anymore.

Vinyl gave me a reassuring smile and ran a hoof through my mane. “I promise Tavi, you’ll never hurt again.”

She gave the broken me one last kiss on the cheek as I greedily guzzled the wine, hoping to finally be–.

A knock on the hospital door quickly pulled me from a slumber and I realized with a mix of relief and disappointment that it was just a dream. I wasn’t going back to the mindless pleasure. I was still myself… for now. I wondered what happened to the rest of Turn Coat’s bottle.

“Can I come in?” a serene majestic voice asked that everypony in Canterlot was immediately familiar with. Not waiting for an answer, the bringer of the sun and princess of Equestria walked into the room, her aurora mane flowing behind her. Vinyl was quick to bow before her while I struggled to get out of my bed and do the same.

“You may both be at ease,” Princess Celestia said as she moved to stand at the foot of my bed. “I came because Bon-Bon told me of your request last night and because I worried about your well-being. You went through something nopony should have to go through, and you did it as part of an attempt to help Equestria. I can never make that up to you.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking up at her from my bed as the golden light of the morning sun streamed in through our windows. I quickly glanced at Vinyl, and felt my heart pound in my chest as her dream words echoed through my head. You’ll never hurt again. It would be so nice not to hurt anymore.

“I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you about the dangers of changeling venom or that using it on a pony is strictly forbidden, but I came to tell Miss Scratch about the way changeling venom can warp a ponies mind. Even a single dose can cause ponies to become dependent, and if allowed to indulge, the effects will eventually become permanent. I don’t think anypony in this room wants that.”

Vinyl shook her head, and a few seconds later, I followed suit. Of course I wouldn’t want that, I had lost all control and almost became- I shuddered at the thought. No, I obviously didn’t want that fate. Even though I loved Vinyl, I wouldn’t want to become her thrall. No matter how happy it would make me.

“Good,” she said, smiling serenely. Vinyl, may I call you Vinyl?” My fiancée nodded. “Wonderful. Vinyl, I want you to keep me updated on how you feel Octavia is doing. Octavia, I want you to know that Luna will be looking in on you as much as she can and trying to make sure your dreams are at least somewhat restful. If you ever need any assistance as you work towards recovery, we are both here for you.”

“Thank you your highness, I truly do not deserve your kindness.” I recalled the doubts that had plagued my mind a few minutes ago and wondered why she would care so much about my well being. In the dream, I had willingly consumed the changeling venom with minimal persuasion. Maybe the venom had already broken me irreparably. Maybe I wasn’t worth the effort they were putting in. It was almost comical that way I could switch between hating myself for what I did while under the venom’s influence to desperately wishing I could have some more so quickly.

Celestia narrowed her eyes and her serene countenance was replaced with a stern gaze. “I will not hear any of my little ponies say that, especially not one who has sacrificed so much of herself to do what she thinks is right. I want you to always remember that you are worth the effort your friends put in to help you, and that…” The serene smile returned. “... Is a royal order.”

“Yeah,” Vinyl said, poking a hoof at me while making sure not to actually touch me. “Celestia says so, so you can’t start getting down on yourself anymore.”

It would take more than a royal order to stop that, I thought, although for some reason, the royal order did bolster my spirits a small amount. Not much, but some. “Thank you, your highness. I am sorry for upsetting you.” Sorry for upsetting you, hadn’t I said that to Turn Coat and Bon-Bon when I upset them. Grovelled at their hooves and begged for forgiveness? I felt an impulse to do the same thing to Celestia and shuddered at the fact that one of my actions while under the effect of the venom somehow felt proper. How much longer could I have lasted with it in my veins?

“It’s alright, my little pony. I will not accept any apologies from you today. Just keep in mind that you have friends that truly love you and that the changeling venom is nothing more than a path to self-destruction.” And if that’s what I wanted? To not have to worry about anything anymore?

I shook my head, trying to dispel the thoughts. “If you insist, your highness, it’s just… Thank you for coming here to talk with me.”

“There is another issue I came here to talk about, but it is best spoken about between two ponies. Vinyl, would you mind leaving the room for a few minutes?” Celestia turned to look at my fiancée who quickly got on her hooves.

“No, of course not your highness. I… uhmm, I’m going to get something to drink. Tavi, you want anything?”

“I’m fine right now,” I said, smiling at her. as she walked out the door. As soon as it clicked shut, Celestia turned to look at me.

“What you did was terrible, the taking of a life is a heavy thing that, no matter how justified, weighs heavily on a pony’s conscience. I know you said you didn’t feel guilt, but the very fact that this weighs so heavily on your mind proves otherwise.”

“But,” I said, sniffling (when did I get so emotional? I used to be able to act with a semblance of decorum), “I would do it again if I could. I chose to kill him, and that doesn’t strike me as something a pony with a guilty conscience would do.”

“Octavia Melody, I have ruled a very long time, and lived even longer. I know about regret. I regretted banishing my sister even though it was the only way to save Equestria. In the dark days after Discord, I sentenced hundreds of ponies to death and I regretted every one of those orders, but I would still do it again for the good of the realm. The choice you were faced with was not an easy one. You could have either risked him waking up and committing treason while sending you back to mindless servitude, or you could have killed him. Neither option was good, but you chose the one that protected the most innocent ponies, including yourself.”

She bowed her head. “Your actions might have saved some ponies that are very dear to me, and for that I will always be in your debt. If the crown can ever aid you in any way just let either my sister or myself know. As for your guilt, it won’t ever go away. I’m sorry I can’t help you with that... but if you ever find a trick to get rid of it, please let me know, I’ve been searching for some time. What I can promise you is that the sting will fade in time if you let it, and you will be able to find happiness. Real, genuine happiness; not the type that comes from being enthralled, but the type that you earn and can savor with a free mind.”

I frowned at her. “I still feel it. So much of me wishes I could drink more of the venom, just so I can stop hating myself for wanting to drink the venom. It doesn’t make sense, but I can’t stop it.”

“The changeling venom is not a rational thing, Octavia. It’s a poison that seeks to warp and bend a pony to its own ends. It plays with you, convinces you you are useless and makes you want to drink more just so you can feel happiness again. Whatever you do, you must not listen to it. You will recover from this, and when you do, when you finally enjoy the simple things in life again without feeling as if the world is shrouded in grey, I promise it will be all the sweeter. Do you understand me?”

I nodded.

“Do you believe me?”

“I believe,” I said slowly, trying to make sure I didn’t upset her, “that you are telling the truth.”

“That’s not the same thing, and I think you know that. It’s easy for a pony to believe an appealing lie and reject what they find an unpleasant truth. I want you to believe me, but I can’t force you to. What happens is ultimately up to you; just remember you have a group of ponies who care deeply for you and want to see you happy. Truly happy.”

A knock on the door cut me off before I could respond, and Vinyl poked her head into the room. “Hey, is it safe for me to come in now, or are you two still discussing private stuff?”

“It’s fine,” I said, waving a hoof at her to beckon her inside. “Princess Celestia was just talking about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” she said as she walked in the room, two cups floating beside her. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but they had that terrible seltzer water you like, and I thought I might as well get you a glass. I mean, I don’t think anypony else would drink it.”

I smiled at her as she levitated the glass over to my bedside. It was such a simple gesture, the kind of thoughtless kindness that comes because you’ve grown to care for a pony and not just because you were magically compelled to. There was a sincerity and honesty to it that could never be matched by the changeling venom, and for a second, as I brought the seltzer water to my lips, I felt that I might be able to return to normal. The feeling rapidly subsided, but it was enough. It was a start.

Author's Notes:

Didn't know where to end this story, I could have shown the several months of recovery required for her to get to be normal, but I felt it would be better to show her taking the first step of the journey and leave the rest of the process up to your imaginations. Hope you enjoyed the story, I don't think I will do anything this terrible to Tavi again. At least until the finale I planned for her.