Cousin Horsey
The Ponyville library didn't see a lot of business on most days. Not that the townsfolk were completely uneducated slobs, but… well, Twilight certainly wouldn't word it that way at least.
She'd gotten over that disappointment over the couple years she'd lived there anyway. Twilight had never minded a bit of alone time, even if running the library was at least 80% alone time…
The few visitors she did get were fairly regular. Cheerilee would stop by for a new book every couple weeks, Mrs. Cake would show up every time Mr. Cake was out of town on business, and Rarity checked out a new romance novel virtually every week. Rainbow Dash was a regular in the past, but now she owned the entire Daring Do series herself, and that was all she'd ever rented from the library before.
Today was reshelving day. Cheerilee wasn't due for a new book just yet, Mr. Cake wasn't going anywhere, and Rarity had picked up 45 More Shades of Hay You Never Saw Coming just the day before. Twilight had the whole library to herself for the entire day, and she would spend it reshelving.
Because she had no idea how to have fun.
She sighed as a maelstrom of books fluttered around the room in her aura. That wasn't fair to say, really. She knew how to have fun, mostly. She just had more important things to do. The last reshelving day had been last week for pony's sake! She wasn't a savage. There was order to maintain. Fun could wait on the backburner for now.
Her every motion was practiced and precise. Books weaved and danced around each other at blistering speed. Each tome was dusted, checked for damage, and placed in its proper place among thousands of its carefully organized brethren. And all without opening her eyes. Twilight grinned. She was cool.
All of that meticulously orchestrated chaos came to a screeching halt at a sound; an unexpected sound. Twilight's ears flicked. Her eyes shot open as every movement in the library ceased. She strained to hear the sound again, to identify what had stopped her.
At last, it came again. Thump thump thump against wood. Somepony was at the door.
Twilight blinked. "Oh… OH!" She shot to her hooves and placed all the books she'd been levitating into vaguely organized stacks around the room.
"Coming!" she shouted as she trotted across the room to the front door. She swung it open with her magic, saying, "You know it's a public library. You don't actually have… to…. knock…"
Twilight trailed off weakly at the sight before her. It was a pony, mostly. Legs, tail, body, all very normal. All very pink. The head… well, it clearly wasn't a head. It was a mask, but what a strange mask it was. Made of rubber, it was painted brown in stark contrast to the neon pink coat of the pony wearing it. The snout was far, far too long, with huge flaring nostrils and a smallish, unexpressive mouth at the very tip. The end of the muzzle was black, and there was a white stripe running lengthwise along the top of it. The eyes… dear Celestia the eyes. They were tiny, beady little things, completely devoid of emotion or expression. They stared out in opposite directions, unblinking, set more on the sides of the face than the front. Even the eyes were made of the same unreflective rubber material. The only part that wasn't rubber was an exceedingly short and scraggly brown mane that started between two tiny ears and ran down the back of the neck.
In short, it was the most unsettling thing Twilight had ever seen.
All she was able to muster was, "Uh…" and even that was a feat given that her entire brain had shut down.
The pony on her doorstep spoke, its voice coming out muffled, "Hello. Is this Twilight Sparkle's house?"
The pony's voice was deep, but in a strange way. It wasn't natural at all. It sounded more like a pony with a high voice attempting to fake a bass voice and failing. Failing badly, at that. It wasn't very unsettling at all. It was just silly. It was enough to snap Twilight back to reality.
She carefully examined the… pony in front of her. Poofy pink tail, bright pink coat, cutie mark of… wait, the cutie mark was covered by something. There was a piece of paper taped over the cutie mark, with… 'horsey' written on it in rough pen.
Twilight shook her head once to make sure that she was real, then said, "Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?"
The pony tilted its head, causing Twilight to shudder. "Pinkie Pie?" it asked in its faux-deep voice. "No, I'm her cousin… uh… Horsey. Her cousin Horsey, that's me!"
Horsey puffed out her chest at the end of her statement, as if to reassure herself as much as Twilight.
Twilight blinked slowly, then took a deep breath. "Pinkie Pie, I just…" she sighed "just… why?"
Horsey shook her head, making the elongated rubber muzzle flop back and forth. "That's 'Horsey'. Pinkie Pie's my cousin. I'm from out of town. Say, mind if I come in?"
Twilight nodded numbly and stepped to one side, watching in dumbfounded silence as Horsey trotted into the library and started looking around.
"Ooh, nice place you got here. I can see why Pinkie's your friend." She stopped examining the room and turned suddenly to face Twilight. "Hey, speaking of Pinkie Pie, and just for no other reason than idle conversation, what do you think of her? As a pony and a friend, I mean."
Twilight was beginning to grasp the situation, probably, but she was wholly unequipped to deal with it at the moment. Besides, it wasn't 'deal with a friend's deeply unsettling behavior' day, it was reshelving day.
"It's reshelving— uh, I mean, I'm a bit busy right now Pink— Horsey." Twilight gestured to the various stacked books to illustrate her point. "I don't really have time to play '20 questions to reassert a friend's self-esteem' right now."
Horsey was silent for a moment. She probably would have blinked in confusion if the rubber eyelids had been capable of motion.
"That sounds like a strange game, Twilight." Her posture brightened smilingly and she bounced a bit on her hooves. "I can see why Pinkie Pie's your friend!"
"Yes, she's certainly a fan of… strangeness," Twilight muttered as she took a seat in the center of the room. Her horn ignited in a purple glow, but before she could set to work she was interrupted once more.
"Hey, do you think Rarity is busy right now, too?"
Twilight responded without thinking, "No, actually, she told me that her day was pretty open—" She clapped her hooves over her mouth, but it was too late. She'd doomed Rarity. Twilight could almost feel the predatory grin behind Horsey's mask.
"Okie dokie lokie!" The exclamation sounded so much creepier in Horsey's muffled basso voice. "Catch you later, Twilight!"
Twilight could only watch helplessly as Horsey bounced out the door and down the street. She couldn't just let Rarity face it unawares. She had to warn her. She had to save her friends!
Her horn lit up, and she only had time to give the unshelved books one last lamenting look before she vanished in a flash and a pop.
Carousel Boutique saw practically no business from within Ponyville. What patrons she did get, Rarity usually got from Canterlot or some other, more refined place. Of course, such ponies paid more than enough to keep her afloat even if the orders were few and far between.
Rarity didn't mind, anyway. It meant she was never too terribly busy. She almost always had time to putter around the shop, relax, and design a few more future outfits for next time a prospective customer did drop by. Today was one such day. She didn't really have anything that needed to be worked on at the moment, so she'd decided to clean the shop. Rather, she was going to clean the shop. Right after she finished her tea.
A loud pop and a flash of white light caused Rarity to yelp in fright. Her cup of tea wobbled in the air and very nearly slipped from her magical grasp before she managed to steady it. She put a hoof to her chest to still her beating heart as she slowly, icily turned around to face the purple alicorn she knew would be standing behind her.
"Twilight Sparkle, would you mind ever so much telling me why it is you—"
"No time!" Twilight interrupted. She leapt across the room and grabbed Rarity by the shoulders, pulling their faces mere inches apart. "Rarity, I've brought something horrible down upon you, and for that I apologize, but I must warn you before it's too late!"
Rarity gently pushed Twilight away with a forehoof and dusted her shoulders off calmly. "Twilight, darling, you're acting a tad hysterical. Please, start from the beginning."
Twilight nodded fervently, but paused just as she opened her mouth to speak. She glanced around the room briefly, then turned back to Rarity in confusion. "Wait, why is your kitchen so dirty? You usually keep the place so clean."
Rarity smiled through gritted teeth. "I was going to clean it… later. I certainly wasn't expecting guests. Now, if you please, what is this" she made air-quotes with her forehooves "'horrible thing' that you've set towards me, hm?"
Twilight's eyes widened. "Right! Yes! It's horrible! Well…" She tapped a hoof to her chin in thought. "'Horrifying' is probably a better word, really. 'Disturbing'? 'Disconcerting'? Yeah, that works—"
"Focus, darling."
"Right, sorry. I'm a bit frazzled." Twilight took a deep breath. "Okay, so you know that Pinkie Pie can have… self-esteem issues. You remember how she got with Rainbow Dash when she thought we were ignoring her?"
Rarity shuddered, and that was all the response Twilight needed before going on, "Well, I think something similar has happened again. She's gotten it into her head that we think poorly of her, and her solution was to disguise herself and ask us questions like 'what do you think of your friend Pinkie?' is some sort of attempt to get our candid opinions on her."
Rarity nodded slowly. "I suppose I understand so far, but… what's so disturbing about all this? We just tell her how much we love her —all truthfully, I might add— and she feels better. Frankly I think I could have handled this fine without your warning."
Twilight shook her head fervently. "That's not what the warning is for. It's the disguise she's wearing. Just… try not to scream, okay?"
"Oh… kay?" Rarity said slowly.
"Also," Twilight went on, "I feel like we should address this issue more openly. It was just a one-time fluke before, but if this is going to become a thing with Pinkie Pie, then maybe we need to have a sit-down with her and put her insecurities to rest for good."
"I can certainly agree to that. I suppose you want me to humour her whilst you prepare?"
Twilight nodded. "That'd be the plan, yes. I'll let the rest of the girls know, too, since Pinkie probably plans on talking to each of us. You girls just answer any questions she has, do the best to alleviate whatever's ailing her, and then we'll all meet at the library for a talk when I'm ready."
Just then, a knock sounded at the Boutique's front door. Both mares whipped their heads around to stare, wide-eyed. The knock rang out again and they both snapped into action.
Rarity began cantering towards the door with a sing-song, "I'll be right there~"
Twilight whispered one last, "Whatever you do, play along for now!" before teleporting away once more.
Rarity put on her best smile and opened the door. "Hello, and welcome to… ah…"
"Hi! I'm Horsey! I'm Pinkie Pie's cousin from out of town. Mind if I come in?"
It was fortunate that Rarity was a good actress, because while her face displayed a calm and welcoming smile, inside she had actually run away screaming and burned the Boutique down behind her.
Silence stretched on for a few moments, but Rarity at last managed to step aside and allow Horsey in. Horsey examined the interior with a low whistle of appreciation.
"And here I thought Twilight's place was fancy. Your house really takes the cake!"
Rarity finally managed to recover her faculties, and she closed the door before turning around to face her guest. "Uh, yes, well, thank you. I do work hard to maintain a certain level of sophistication and cleanliness in my shop. I'm Rarity, by the way, but it seems you already know something of me." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "So you said you're Pinkie's cousin?"
Horsey put down a vase she'd been appreciating and nodded in Rarity's direction. "Yeah, but I'm from… not here. You've probably never heard of me before."
"I can't say that I have, but it is a pleasure to meet you nonetheless. Pinkie does have such… interesting family. Ah heh heh…" Rarity attempted her best smile, but it came out crooked. Fortunately, Horsey's vision was focused elsewhere.
"'Interesting' is one of Pinkie's favourite words. Hey, how come your kitchen is so dirty?"
Rarity heaved a heavy sigh. "Why it's just so that it can be mentioned by every single pony that happens to drop by on my day off of course…" she muttered under her breath as she glared at the back of Horsey's weird head.
"What?" Horsey rubbed at one of her weirdly-small ears with a hoof. "You gotta speak up."
Rarity's mask of a smile fell back into place. "Nothing, darling. I simply haven't quite gotten around to polishing up the kitchen as of yet. I had planned to do that this afternoon, actually."
"I can help!"
"Um… I suppose that would speed things along rather nicely." Rarity tilted her head in confusion. This wasn't what Twilight had warned her about. She'd expected a barrage of questions about her opinion of Pinkie Pie, but none had been forthcoming. Perhaps it was nothing so concerning. Perhaps it was just some sort of really, really bizarre prank.
"Hey, and since I'm here helpin' you out anyway, I've got a few things I wanted to talk to you about!"
Ah, there it was.
Rarity led the way into the kitchen and began loading dirty dishes into the sink. While she set to washing them, Horsey took a cloth to the messy countertops.
It took only moments for them to set into their work, after which Rarity responded, "And just what would you like to talk to me about, darling?"
Horsey paused to scrub out a stubborn stain, then said in her deep, muffled voice, "Well, it's about, uh, my cousin Pinkie Pie. You're her friend, right? I mean, you would call yourself her friend, right?"
"But of course," Rarity responded quickly. "One of my very closest friends in all Equestria, in fact."
"That's cool," Horsey said with what sounded like a smile—though it was impossible to tell behind the expressionless rubber mask. "So, like, what do you think of her? Just as a completely and totally random example, would you call her 'annoying' in any way?"
"Heavens above, no!" Rarity insisted. "She can be a lot to handle, but that's what makes her who she is. I would never want to see her toning herself down for our sakes. Exuberance and intensity are integral qualities of hers, and I don't begrudge her of them for a moment."
A thought struck her, and Rarity decided to take a risk. "Sometimes, I think, she can get strange ideas into her head. She can think that her friends are unhappy with her, but that's of course not true. We all love y— Pinkie from the bottoms of our hearts, and I truly hope she never forgets that."
Horsey was silent for a moment. She'd stopped scrubbing the counter and was staring straight at Rarity. Rarity wished she could see the emotions playing out under the rubber horseface. Then the moment passed. Horsey turned back to her task and Rarity let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding.
"That's… that's real nice of you to say, Rarity." Horsey sniffled slightly. "It sounds like you're real good friends with… Pinkie Pie."
"I know. I hope she does, too," Rarity said quietly.
Horsey shifted on her hooves. "Uh, look, I'm real sorry, but do you mind if I take off? I know we're not quite done with the kitchen, but I have… other ponies I wanted to talk to today, if you don't mind."
Right, the kitchen. Rarity had managed to forget that little detail. She glanced around, only to find that the countertops were spotless and sparkling after such a short time. She was about to question the speed with which 'Horsey' cleaned, but she remembered who she was talking to. In that same time, Rarity herself had managed to wash a plate.
"It's no bother at all, really. I can finish up here myself. Thank you for the help, though. It was invaluable." Rarity offered a smile, and this time it was completely genuine.
"Heh, no, thank you. You're a real encouraging mare, you know that, Rarity?"
Rarity chuckled. "Glad to be of service."
With that, Horsey gave one last nod, then turned and trotted back out the door. Rarity watched her go, and stared at the space her guest had occupied for some time after. She wondered if she'd said enough, or too much. Her stomach twisted at the thought of Pinkie Pie hurting inside, and she hoped dearly that Twilight's preparations were coming along.
Whatever the case, it was out of her hooves for now. She could only hope that Twilight had warned the others in time, because by all things that were holy that mask was disturbing.
Sweet Apple Acres didn't get a lot of business… ever. It didn't get any business. It was a farm. They grew apples and tended to critters. They didn't take customers. Come market day, Applejack or Big Mac would set up a stall and sell their wares, but that was in town. The farm itself didn't really see anypony but the Apples.
Today was an apple-bucking day. Well, near every day was an apple-bucking day around this time of year. There was a reason they called it 'apple-bucking season'. Applejack was out in the fields working her way down a row of trees, building up a coat of sweat and a pleasant burning in her muscles.
Strictly speaking, she really didn't have time for guests during harvest, but Twilight had explained the situation to her. Applejack knew enough to make time when a friend was in need. So it was that she'd placed herself within sight of the farm's front gate. Pinkie Pie would have no trouble finding and talking to her whenever she came around.
As it turned out, Applejack didn't have to wait long. She'd barely finished a single row of trees when a pink spot appeared on the path leading in from town. Mostly pink. Pink body, pink tail… brown head. Right, Twilight had warned her about that. Applejack was a tough pony. She'd been around the block. She wasn't about to be freaked out by some Nightmare Night mask.
Applejack wiped the sweat from her forehead and took a seat in the shade of an apple tree. She idly fanned herself with her hat as the pink spot resolved itself into a pink pony, and then that pink pony waved enthusiastically and bounced her way towards Applejack.
"Well howdy there— Whoa nelly!" Applejack nearly fell over backwards as the pony finally arrived, her eyes wide and pupils small at the sight of its… face.
Horsey froze. "What? Is there a spider on me? Oh please tell me there's not a spider on me!" She started bouncing from hoof to hoof, spinning in place as she tried to examine every part of her body for arachnid invaders.
Applejack shook her head and steeled herself before saying, "No, no, nothing like that. I was just… thinkin' of something scary, is all." She was a terrible liar. Her eyes darted from side to side above a sideways smile.
Fortunately, Horsey didn't seem to notice the obvious lie. "Oh, phew. I don't like spiders at all." She sighed in relief. "Oh, I'm Horsey, by the way. I'm Pinkie Pie's cousin, from out of town."
"That so?" Applejack tipped her hat back slightly. "Well, any kin of Pinkie's is a friend of mine. Pleasure to meet you. Name's Applejack." She held out her hoof, which Horsey shook vigorously.
"So you're friends with Pinkie, then? Good friends?"
Applejack smiled. "Sure as sugar. Reckon I love the gal something fierce. Like a sister to me, really." She was very good at telling the truth.
Horsey nodded happily. "Oh, that's so nice to hear. I figured you might find her a bit much. You know, head in the clouds and all that. You seem very down to earth, if you don't mind me saying."
A nod. "I suppose me and Pinkie ain't exactly similar personality types, but that don't mean we can't get along. Sure, she's a bit high in the sky, but so's Rainbow Dash." Applejack paused to chuckle. "Nah, it don't bother me none. You gotta have some contrast between friends, else you're just talkin' into a mirror. Honestly, it's refreshing to have somepony so dang excitable around. Keeps me from getting' too grounded, if ya feel me."
Horsey seemed to think for a moment. "That's awful sweet of you."
"Just the truth, sugarcube."
"Yeah," Horsey nodded. "I guess it is."
They both sat in comfortable silence for a minute, and it was Applejack who finally broke it. "Welp, if you don't mind at all, I gotta get back to work. Harvest don't stop just when I do."
"Hm?" Horsey looked up suddenly as if snapped out of deep thought. "Oh, right. That's fine. I have somepony else to see anyway."
"It was a pleasure talkin' to you, really." Applejack looked directly into the rubber head's lifeless eyes. "Don't ever hesitate to come around here. I can always make time to talk, whenever you might be needing it."
"Thank you, Applejack. I… I think I will."
And then Horsey waved goodbye. She trotted off down the road, back towards town. Applejack got back to bucking. She'd said everything she could. She only hoped that Pinkie had listened.
Rainbow Dash didn't get business. Rainbow Dash gave ponies the business! Rainbow Dash was the business! Know what time it is? It's business time, 'cause Rainbow Dash is here and she's about to say hello with a kick to the jaw!
"Hi-ya!" Rainbow Dash burst through a small cloud with a vicious roundhouse. She twirled and flared her wings, back-flipping smoothly into another cloud with both forehooves outstretched. She smashed straight through without reducing her speed, and corkscrewed into another bundle of cumulus, she flung all four hooves outward as she spun like a top within the cluster, and every last cloud was reduced to fine mist. Rainbow Dash did a quick loop-de-loop for style, then set her sights on a lone floating target. She flapped he wings rapidly, sped towards it like a missile, then at the last second flared up and stomped down hard with all four hooves.
"Boom shakalaka!" The cloud exploded at her hooves and she spun around in search of her next target. The sky was empty. The battle was won. Rainbow Dash could almost hear an imaginary army chanting her name, calling out the name of their hero.
No, wait, somepony was actually calling her name.
Rainbow Dash looked down. The weird, deep voice was coming from a pink speck on the ground below. Right, it was Pinkie Pie doing whatever weird thing she was doing. Twilight had told Rainbow all about it. Pinkie was being sad or whatever, and she needed her friends to tell her to not be that way. And for some reason she was doing it in a freaky mask.
Rainbow Dash just didn't understand other ponies sometimes.
In any case, it was her duty as a loyal friend to help Pinkie out of her funk. Rainbow Dash was so prepared. She was about to show that she couldn't just kick regular butt, she could also kick emotional butt. Those emotions wouldn't know what hit 'em when Rainbow broke out the uppercut of supportive friendship. Aw yeah.
"Hey, what's up— Aw jeeze what?!" Rainbow Dash was not prepared. Her wingbeats faltered and her landing turned into more of a face-planting crash.
"Whoa, girl, are you okay?" Horsey asked in that weird, weird voice.
The face, the voice,, but mostly the face… it was a lot to take in. Rainbow Dash allowed herself one moment to shudder, then she did what she always did in situations like this. She shoved all those nasty and unpleasant feelings into the deepest, darkest pit in the very back of her mind where she didn't have to deal with them. She could let them sit there and not bother with them until they inevitably resurfaced as horrific nightmares in a few weeks' time. Like the memory of that one Hearth's Warming party in flight-school.
When Rainbow pulled herself up from the ground, it was with a smile."Heh, I'm fine. I take worse spills than that getting out of bed in the morning."
Horsey stared silently for a moment. "All… right, then. That's… cool."
Rainbow Dash shook the last bits of dirt out of her mane as she got her head back in the game. She would play along with the disguise. Rainbow was awesome at subterfuge. She could totally be a spy or something.
"So, I, uh, haven't seen you around town before, but you seem to know me. Not surprising, really, I'm pretty great," she said, totally nailing it.
"Huh?" Horsey started. "Oh, right, I'm not from around here. I'm Pinkie Pie's cousin Horsey, from out of town."
"The pleasure's all yours."
"Don't you mean—"
"So what brings you around here, Horsey? To…" Rainbow Dash glanced around. "an empty field outside town."
"Oh, uh…" Horsey rubbed the back of her neck with a forehoof. "I just wanted to talk to you about some things."
Rainbow Dash sat down in the grass. "Shoot."
"Well, you're friends with Pinkie, right?"
"Nah, not really."
"Oh?" Horsey visibly drooped. "Oh…"
"Hey," Rainbow leaned over and playfully punched Horsey in the shoulder. "I'm just messin' with ya! Of course I'm friends with Pinkie Pie! I only see her, like, all the time. If somepony gets to spend that much time around the Dash, then they've gotta be pretty darn awesome, ya dig?"
"Heh heh, I think I get it." Horsey nodded. "So you don't find her annoying? You don't mind that she's just an earth pony, and you spend so much time flying?"
"What?" Rainbow's wings flared. "You think I care about stuff like that? Nah!" She waved a hoof dismissively. "Flying's important to me… like, real important. Flying's pretty much who I am. Flying is one of my defining character traits. Take away flying, and you take the Dash out of 'Rainbow Dash'. Then I'm just 'Rainbow', which is sorta cool, but it just doesn't have the same 'oomph' to it, y'know?"
Horsey stared silently. Rainbow Dash paused, blinked several times.
"Sorry, what I mean to say is that flying is important for who I am, but it's not who Pinkie is, and I'm totally cool with that. Pinkie's got her own stuff, and it's great stuff. She's energetic, she's cheerful, she gets along with everypony. She can make anypony smile or laugh. She's pretty much joy on legs. What can I do?" Rainbow Dash's ears folded against her head. "I can fly. That's it. Every pegasus can do that. My pet tortoise can do that. I can't light up a room just by walkin' in. I can't remember everypony's birthday and always throw them a party. I can't do anything she does."
Rainbow Dash sniffled and hastily wiped her muzzle with a hoof. She looked down to the grass beneath her and said, "If anything I'm lucky that she wants to be my friend, and the thought of her forgetting what she's worth really gets to me."
There was silence for a moment. Only the sound of the breeze blowing across the empty field.
Finally Horsey spoke up. "I… I think Pinkie would be really touched to hear you say that. You especially."
Rainbow chuckled dryly. "Yeah, well if you ever tell anypony how sappy I got, I'll deny it."
Horsey giggled in response. The sound was disturbing from such a strangely deep voice.
"Welp," Horsey turned to leave. "I think I'll head on back to the library now. Twilight's probably done whatever book stuff she was doing, so I can finally talk to her."
Rainbow shot to her hooves. "Wait, back to the library?"
"Yeah."
"You don't have anypony else to talk to?"
Horsey thought it over, then said, "Noperooni, I think I'm good."
"Okayseeyoulaterbye!" Rainbow Dash shot off in the blink of an eye. Her rainbow trail zipped off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres before passing out of sight.
Horsey simply shrugged, then bounced down the road towards town. At least she'd gotten to talk to everypony.
Fluttershy wasn't even open for business. She just took care of sick and lost animals, and lived off a monthly government stipend for her efforts. She rarely entertained pony guests, but she'd made special preparations for today.
A friend needed help, and Fluttershy was prepared to do her part. She'd set out a tray of tea and biscuits, she'd made a nice, cozy fire. She'd even sent the bigger and more obtrusive animals out back for a while. The whole house was ready for Pinkie's visit.
Fluttershy sat in a chair facing the door. She considered pouring herself a cup of tea, but decided against it. After all, it was only polite to wait for her guest first.
She twiddled her hooves awkwardly. Pinkie Pie would arrive soon, and Fluttershy was ready to cheer her up as best she could.
Rainbow Dash burst through the front door of the library, a very irritated bundle of white and purple pony held in her hooves.
"There, that's all of us!" she exclaimed as she roughly dropped Rarity to the hardwood floor.
Rarity yelped as she fell, then glared up at Rainbow. "I dare say I could have walked here myself, thank you very much."
"No time!" Twilight entered the room from the kitchen, levitating a small platter of triangular sandwiches at her side. "Pinkie could get here at any minute, so I had to send Rainbow to, ah, pick you up."
Rarity huffed and crossed her forelegs. "Well she could have gone about it with a bit more finesse, if you ask me." She then set to repairing her badly wind-damaged mane,
Applejack scoffed as she rearranged her own windswept hair back into a ponytail. "Oh please. We've got more important things to worry about right now."
Before Rarity could defend the importance of her mane, Twilight interjected, "Applejack is right. Listen, Pinkie is already on her way, so I need to explain the plan as quickly as possible. I've come up with the most efficient and effective system for getting to the core of her emotional insecurities. It's quite simple, really, each of us will be assigned a role, designated by role cards I've created. We then each refer to the master plan, where each step will call for certain roles to take the floor. There are eight steps, with three additional emergency steps that may or may not be needed. I think it's best if we all memorize the master plan, but you don't need to memorize your individual roles. I'll hoof those out at the end of the briefing."
Twilight paused and took a deep breath. Three blank faces stared back at her. She grinned. They were ready for learning.
"All right, so step one—"
The front door slammed open and a pink blur zipped inside. "Hey, Twilight, remember how you said I didn't have to knock?" Horsey skidded to a halt. "Whoa, you girls are all here too? What fun! We can totally have a library party."
Twilight's mouth opened and closed wordlessly. None of her emergency steps were available until at least step four! She had nothing. Desperately, she looked to Rainbow, Rarity, and Applejack. They noted her distress, and it was Applejack who chose to take the lead.
"Look, sugarcube," Applejack sighed. "We know it's you."
"…of course you do. I introduced myself earlier. I'm Horsey, Pinkie's cousin, from out of—"
"Darling," Rarity stepped forward. "Please do drop the act. We only want to help you. We've been humouring you all day, but… well, you never really fooled any of us."
Applejack nodded, adding, "We don't know what got you feelin' so plum down about yourself that you needed to go and… do this. But, Pinkie, you gotta just talk it out with us, open and honest-like. You can't go concocting these bizarre schemes. Frankly, it's kinda disturbing."
"Uh," 'Horsey' was sweating. She nervously shuffled from hoof to hoof. "I.. I don't know what you mean." She sounded like she was reading a script. Badly. "Hello, I'm Pinkie's cousin Horsey. I'm from out of town."
By that time, Twilight had finally regained the ability to speak, so she stepped up to join Rarity and Applejack. "Pinkie, Applejack is right. It's not good for you to seek the approval of your friends in such a strange and convoluted way. If you felt like we were 'annoyed' with you, or anything like that, then you should just talk to us. Not behind a mask, but face-to-face."
Horsey involuntarily reached a hoof up to her rubber mask, but quickly brought it back to the floor. "Mask? What mask? I d-don't know what you mean. I'm Pinkie's cousin Horsey—"
"Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash finally shouted. She'd been hovering angrily above the group the whole time, and Pinkie's continued defiance was getting on her nerves. "I can't believe you're still doing this! After I opened myself up to you like that?! I spoke from my heart! I hate doing that! So don't you try and hide behind a mask when I took mine off for you."
The room was silent for a moment. Everypony stared at Rainbow Dash, but her glaring eyes were locked solely on the pink mare in the doorway. The silence stretched into uncomfortableness as nopony really knew what to say.
Finally, the pink mare said, "I'm Horsey, from—"
"Ugh!" A collective groan from four mares drowned out the rest of her sentence.
"That's it!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "If you won't give us honesty, then take some of mine!" She snapped her wings shut and landed on the ground with a bang, shoving her face mere inches from the weird rubber muzzle.
"You wanna know why you didn't fool any of us? Because your disguise sucks! You taped a piece of paper to your butt and wrote 'Horsey' on it. I don't even know what that was supposed to accomplish. Your fake voice is just way too silly, nopony talks like that." She paused to shudder. "And that mask… Pinkie Pie, that mask is the single worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I'll be having nightmares for weeks thanks to that thing. I mean, did you even look in a mirror? Even once? Ponies do not look that way. At all. I could carve a better pony out of a banana. You look like something straight out of Tartarus; some sort of freakish… monster… thing…
Rainbow Dash trailed off weakly as she got a good look at Pinkie. The mare's shoulders were shaking, and though they couldn't really tell much by looking at the rubber face, everypony could hear muffled sniffling.
"Aw, jeeze, I didn't mean to do that…" Rainbow Dash hung her head and kicked at the floor despondently.
"B-But, it's all true," another loud sniffle, "isn't it?"
Rainbow couldn't respond, so Twilight spoke instead. "While Rainbow Dash certainly could have been less blunt about it… she does have a point."
That only provoked a full-blown sob from beneath the rubber mask.
"Oh, Pinkie, darling," Rarity nodded in sympathy. "I know you probably worked very hard on your disguise, and believe me when I say I understand how crushing it can be when a design… ah, turns out… that way." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "But you mustn't let it hit you too hard. Some outfits simply don't come out the way you hoped, and sometimes there's no salvaging them. C'est la vie, as it were."
Applejack added, "Anyhow, look on the bright side, you got the best dang Nightmare Night costume in town come this October!"
Rather than the chuckle she'd been hoping for, Applejack's comment only caused further breakdown. The pink mare sobbed and hiccoughed as she turned tail and bolted from the library. Her loud crying could be heard fading away into the distance.
Applejack tsk'd. "That mare always could turn on the waterworks." She rubbed her forelegs together, frowning. "Still don't make me feel any better about it, though. She seemed real crushed at how we talked about her costume. Figure we should chase her down?"
Twilight stared at the horizon where a pink shape had just vanished, then sighed. "No, she'll need time to cool down. Pinkie Pie takes pride in her work, and obviously thought more highly of her disguise than we expected. Rainbow Dash's harshness certainly didn't help. Still, it shouldn't take her long to see our point. Of course we'll still have to apologize to her. Profusely."
Twilight glared at Rainbow as she said that last part. Rainbow Dash winced. "I really didn't mean to yell at her like that. Aw, man, I feel like a tool."
Rarity placed a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "In all honesty, darling, I understand where your frustration was coming from."
Rainbow sighed. "That doesn't really make me feel better."
"Yes, well…" Rarity looked down. "Me neither."
Silence filled the air for a minute, until Applejack finally uttered. "I gotta say, though, 'freakish monster thing'? You really hit the nail on the head there, sugarcube."
Applejack chuckled, and soon the others joined her. It felt wrong, but at the same time it did wonders to diffuse the tension in the air. Guilty giggles echoed throughout the library as each of them tried their best not to add to the chorus.
"Applejack, you brute!" Rarity managed to choke out through her laughter. "Besides, I thought 'straight out of Tartarus' was much more apt."
Then the dam broke. Four friends collapsed in fits of laughter. Rainbow Dash smacked at the floor with a hoof, and Rarity was wiping tears of mirth from her eyes before they could smear her make-up.
"Y-You know," Twilight finally managed to gasp out as the laughter subsided. "It is sorta funny when you think about it. And if anypony can see the joke in things, it's Pinkie Pie. Why, I bet by now she's realized how silly she looked, and she's having herself a good laugh about it."
Applejack looked up. "You think it's time we go find her?"
Twilight nodded. "Yes. Let's go."
"Go where?" A bright big ball of pink suddenly appeared in their midst. "Who are we finding? Oh, oh, oh, are we playing hide and seek? Who's doing the hiding and who's doing the seeking? Dibs on hiding!"
"Pinkie Pie!" four voices shouted in unison.
"Me!" Pinkie Pie responded with a beaming grin. She blinked. "Wait, why are we shouting?"
Rarity went on, "Pinkie Pie, we all just wanted to apologize for the way we spoke to you earlier. We, especially Rainbow Dash, shouldn't have been so rude about it. We came in here trying to help you, and we only ended up making things worse. Can you ever forgive us?"
All four of them silently awaited Pinkie's judgement. Rainbow Dash's wings drooped, Twilight stared at the floor, and Applejack held her hat close to her chest.
What happened next was unexpected. For the first time that any of them could remember, Pinkie Pie looked truly and genuinely confused.
"Rarity, you're making absolutely no sense." She gasped dramatically. "Hey, don't do that! That's my thing!"
Rainbow Dash groaned. "Really, Pinkie? The cat's outta the bag, the mask is off. We're past that. Can we please just talk about the stuff you were asking all of us today?"
Pinkie Pie tilted her head to one side. "I have no idea what you're talking about! I've been at the train station all day!"
"…what?" four mares said as one.
"Yeah, funny story actually. My cousin Horsey is coming to visit —you don't know her, she's from out of town— and I wanted to greet her right when she stepped off the train. So I went to the train station first thing in the afternoon, and I waited and I waited and I waited. I waited for hours, but when I finally went and asked the front desk, they told me she'd already arrived on the morning train! I felt so silly!" Pinkie spun a hoof around her head. "So then I rushed back into town to see if I could find her, and now here I am!"
"…what?"
"Mmhmm!" Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, I just can't wait for you girls to meet her. She can be a bit shy at first, so try not to put any pressure on her, but she's a lot of fun once you get to know her."
The rest of the girls were paralyzed in silence, but Twilight managed to croak out. "Wh- what does she… look like?"
"Well, that's part of the reason she's so shy, actually…" Pinkie Pie tapped her forehooves together and smiled sheepishly. "See, she had a little bit of an accident with a leaf-blower a few years ago. She's totally recovered now and everything, but… well, long story short, she's got a prosthetic head."
There was a strangled coughing sound, but nopony could say for sure who'd made it
Pinkie Pie went on, "It's kinda noticeable, but she can be a little self-conscious about it, so it'd be super-duper swell if you guys could just not mention the whole… head thing." Pinkie Pie failed to note the shell-shocked looks everypony else in the room was giving her. "Oh, and her cutie mark is kinda embarrassing —earned it one year at band camp, that's all I'm sayin'— so if she covers it up just roll with it."
Rarity fainted.
Pinkie Pie looked around at the utterly blank expressions of the other three, then waggled her eyebrows. "Rarity must know about band camp."