what's a washed up artist to do when he's got nothing left to lose, but really his story is about nothing like him.
What happens when you try to go back from being a washed up nobody to trying to be something you gave up a long time ago. The only way you can find out it to jump in and see if you sink or swim or at least that's all you can do when your a washed up artist who only has his memories as friends and nothing left to lose.
Sun light broke through dusty drapes, as it cut its way through the darkness falling upon a stallion who sat on a worn out coach that sat in the living room of an apartment that lay draped in a layer of dust with the smell of stale air and trash throughout it. He just sat there thinking……thinking of stuff that no longer mattered nor should he even bother to remember, but still his mind held them close like how a mother holds their foal close. The irony of such things and how his thoughts held him just as close as he held them when the ponies he considered his friends held him at arm’s length like a crying child that was not theirs never escaped him. With a heavy sigh he breaks away from his thoughts to stare at the bottle of scotch that sat on the coffee table; as if it were his foe and he were studying him waiting for him to make the first move a move that would never come and a fight that if he started it he would not win, but than his sight was stolen from his foe by what was once an old friend. Now its wooden body sat in the corner gathering dust and even though it hasn’t been used in what most of been years it could still stand strong. It was his old art easel something he had not used or bother to think about in quite some time.
A stallion sat before his art easel intently working as if the world around him no longer mattered. His gaze was only lifted from his work to study the mare that lay posed on the coach before him. His brush fallowed every curve of the mare’s body, as he gently placed them on the canvas. With every brush stroke he placed on the canvas he wished it was his hoof that was moving over every curve of her body, but they both knew that would come soon enough. He gave the mare lying before him a small smile to which she returned with her own. No words were spoken, because none were needed.
The stallion just sat there staring at his old art easel as he wrapped himself in his owns thoughts. He merely let out a sigh as he rubbed his eyes. He picked up the bottle that still stood silently before him and put it back with all the other bottles some open, some not, and others empty. He stole another stare at his art easel as he thought to himself could he still do it? Did he still have it? Could he come back?
The sound of hooves hitting the hard bark surface of a tree trunk splits the calm air of a warm summer day, as the apples fall from their home into the baskets waiting for them. The stallion that had just bucked the tree let out a sigh as he looked at all the trees that still remained for him to buck. Normally he wouldn’t have a problem doing all this work after all this was what he signed up for when he got hired to work at Sweet Apple Archers, but today his mind was distracted by thoughts of things he thought he had left behind a long time ago. Could he really go back to it now? Would he still have it? “Something on your mind there partner?” came the familiar voice of the stallion’s boss and part owner of Sweet Apple Archers Apple Jack. The stallion never really talked to her at length, but only in passing. He much preferred to just take his orders and do is job without question, but after spending part of his life doing just that he found this job to be a snap. “It’s nothing just got some stuff on my mind and haven’t got it all figured out yet.” “Yeah I reckon we all have days like that.” “Yeah…,” was the stallions reply as Apple Jack started to walk away. “Hey Apple Jack have you ever had to go back to something you thought you gave up a long time ago?” Apple Jack took a moment to ponder the question she was just given. “Well I can’t reckon I have. I spent most of my life on this farm and never wanted to do anything else, but I spouse if you thinking about going back to something you haven’t done in a while you should treat it like swimming.” “How so?” “Well all you can really do is jump in and see if you sink or swim.” “Yeah I spouse your right,” was all the stallion said.
A young stallion stood in the crowded hallways of his school. It was the first day of the new school year and the stallion was try to keep an eye out for one mare that had caught his eye last year, but never got the chance to really talk to her. It was funny really even though he only ever talked to her in passing the stallion found himself thinking more about her as the school year approached and a little ironic that he found it hard to remember what she looked like, but something just made him want to talk to her. Of course this was all easier said than done, because once he finial did see her he found his tongue growing heavy and as she started coming closer he found himself growing nervous. He knew he couldn’t screw this up he had just jump in and see if he’d sink or swim.
The stallion just took a deep breath as he walked past Apple Jack as he made his way up the path. “Hey where are you going you still got work to do?” “You can consider this my two week notice, because right now I have to see if I’ll sink or swim,” was all the stallion said as he continued up the path.
The stallion made his way through the streets of Ponyville with the wind to his back as he was filled with a new sense of freedom, but much like the sky above him these winds brought in rain clouds of uncertainty as he soon came to the realization that he had just quit his job while a pile of bills he already had trouble paying sat at home.
But such thoughts had to be pushed away; after all he had to figure out exactly how he was going to swim. Landscapes could be an option although he soon tossed that idea ‘no I’ve never had the heart for landscapes. I was having some success with my abstract, but I don’t have the space or materials to do it; although that never stopped in the past, so I’ll put that in the maybe pile. My figure work was going well, but where the hell would I find a model for it not to mention I’m lacking the materials for that; although that never stopped him from improvising. In all seriousness though that really only leaves me with one option and that was his photo work, so as long as I can find my cameras that is. I mean it is what I wrote my grad paper one so it shouldn’t be too hard for me to get back in-‘
The stallion was soon pulled from his internal monologue by the sensation of falling quickly followed by the sensation of his face hitting the ground; his nose scraping across it as if it were a piece of sand paper across a board. Around him the ground was covered in a multitude of colorful high-end shopping bags. Various fabrics and other assorted objects - the stallion could not be certain what exactly they were – spilling out onto the ground. All the stallion could be certain of as he got to his hooves was that he most of been hit by some reckless fabric cart.
“Oh I’m so sorry darling I was just so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t see you. Oh I do hope I didn’t hurt you,” came a voice that drifted into the stallion’s ears as he realized that there was a mare profusely apologizing to him seemingly wrapped up in her own words. The stallion could only assume that she was what he ran into.
“You needed apologize I’m sure it was more than likely my fault as I was too busy thinking about my life to be really paying attention to see where I was going. Besides by the looks of the ground I’ve inconvenienced you more,” replied the stallion as he calmly gestured to the ground.
“Well how about this darling we both take equal blame and you need not worry about my stuff.” Replied the mare with a light giggle as her horn began to glow blue as the bags lifted into the air and all the assorted fabrics and misalliances materials found their way back in and neatly packed away; all the while the mare seemingly un aware of what she was doing dusted herself of and quickly made sure her purple mane was back in place. “See no in convince at all.”
The stallion without hesitation takes the bags from the mare with his own magic placing them on his back. “Well what kind of gentle colt would I be if I just ran into such a beautiful mare and then made her carry her own bags home?” The words falling from his mouth as he once more finds his silver tongue as it all starts coming back to him; all the while staying calm on the surface giving the mare a smile while slicking his mane back.
The Mare blushes slightly, but with a subtle bat of her eyelashes lets the stallion know his words are welcome. “Well I wish to be the last mare to stop a gentlecolt from doing what he thinks is right. My home is only a few blocks down the street, so I should have to take up much of your time; after all the last thing I want to do is steal your day away.”
*****
The stallion finds himself staring up at the ceiling of the mare’s bedroom as if the moldings above him were school yard bullies teasing him; just because he had gone through his growth spurts early and was bigger than all the other colts and fillies in his class. It wasn’t his fault that his size didn’t level out till he was in college and he learned how to be less awkw- the stallion shakes his head letting it sink into the soft pillow beneath him…..beneath his thoughts………beneath everything.
He lay there awake for the past half hour despite his deep urge to just to fall asleep like the mare curled up beside him her head resting on his chest; her purple mane now a tangled stained mess matching her once pristine coat now roughed, sweaty, and stained. The stallion merely took her disheveled body as a sign that he had not grown rusty and the blissfully dumb smile that plastered across her face cemented his assumption of that.
‘She may act like a lady for the world, but behind closed doors she neither acts nor wish to be treated as one.’
The stallion now standing above the bed having slipped away from the mare with well-trained ease ‘It’s not you honestly……it’s not you…it’s me, but it’s not like I can just stop. Not when it’s so easy to fall back into it and when I’m already in so far.’
The stallion grabs the camera from the mare’s dresser before carefully removing the film from the camera. “You don’t need to get me anything I don’t wish to inconvenient you any more than I already have.”
“No I insist you stay for a drink after a gentlecolt should be rewarded for his kind deeds,” came the mare’s voice from the kitchen of what was – as far as the stallion could tell – the mare’s home slash business.
The stallion hadn’t really expected anything in return but he knew better than to pass up anything free, so while the mare occupied herself getting whatever it was she getting so the stallion busied himself with looking around what appeared to be a show room for the store. The area was well maintained – a little too well for his taste but this is a store after all – with manikins and clothing samples displayed around the store awaiting the eye of a customer.
“I see my latest fashion design has caught your eye. I don’t like to brag but I do feel this is one of my best designs. Tell me do you like fashion?” The mare’s voice was soft but confident as she came back into the room levitating a tray with tea on it setting it on a table near the side of the room.
“No I do not like fashion,” replied the stallion as he took a seat across from the mare.
“And why is that I may ask?”
“Because I did not spend six years of my life studying art to have it all under minded by bullshiters who worry about being avant-garde so much they can’t see that all they’ve created is without foundation, because they have their head to far up their own plot.” The mare eyes shift slightly as she clearly tries to hold herself back from what she really wanted to say. “hmmm well I guess every pony is entitled to their opinion, but you said you studied art what did you study exactly?”
“I study fine art at the Cantorlot Art School majored in painting, but wrote my grad paper on photography as was my final grad work photo based; than I had a short stint at the Royal Academy in Cantorlot.”
The mare chokes on her tea for a moment before gathering herself again. “You studied in Cantorlot and the Royal Academy? If I am not mistaken royal academy is one of the prestigious groups in Cantorlot being the go to artists for Cantorlot’s elites and even the royals.”
“You’re not wrong.”
“May I ask what brought you here than?”
“It’s a long story but the short version is that it was a conflict of interests and personalities,” sighed the stallion.
“Well I would love to have some of your caliber look at some of my upcoming fashion designs. That is if you have the time to spare,” sweetly asked the mare as batted her eyelashes lightly.
The stallion simply narrowed his eyes know the game she was playing. “I’m sure I can spare the time for a mare as beautiful as you.”
The mare was more that excited by the stallions response and quickly took off to a back room eagerly waiting for the stallion in tow and two his surprise he saw that this back room was the epitome of organized chaos. A sewing machine sat to one side of the room on the other side sat a drawing table which looked like it had an untold number of drawings strewed about it and in-between there stood floor to ceiling self that looked like it was trying and failing to contain a landslide of multicolored fabric. In the center of the room there stood a three pony manikin all in varies stages of management.
The mare wasted no time in pulling the stallion over to the manikins and like a waterfall began to proudly talking about her designs; the stallion couldn’t help but see her young naivety as she tried to subtlety hint at how his past remark was wrong, but the stallion let her be and just silently listened to her. Really the stallion couldn’t complain because at worst he was in the company of a beautiful mare which was much better than bucking apples all they; although Apple Jack was pretty easy on the eyes too. There was also that cute mare that worked on the farm one summer too bad he never got her name, but not much he could do about that now.
“So what do you think?”
The mares voice snapped the stallion out of the thoughts he normally saved for the bedroom. So he found himself without anything to really say, but this wasn’t the first time he had to think on his feet all he had to do was keep cool; luckily though his answer came in the form of a camera sitting on one of the shelves barely visible under the fabric covering it. “You know a mare as beautiful as your self deserves to be in front of the camera not placed behind it in some back room where she is unappreciated. I think you should be in front of it.” The stallion calmly spoke as he levitated the camera over to himself.
“Well thank you for the compliment, but as much as I like the spot light I will admit there is something about being in front of the camera that makes me a little nervous. I mean sure the idea of modeling has crossed my mind but I never really tried to pursuit.” That was what the stallion wanted to hear as he gave the mare a gentle smile.
“Well I can assure you that modeling isn’t as nerve-racking as it may seem, as a form academy member I have worked with a lot of models both new and experienced, so if you’re interested I can show you the ropes.”
To the stallions surprise the mare actually agreed and although things start as a simple clothing shoot the stallion had managed to charm and gain the mares trust he was able to shift things over to what he was more comfortable with the nude figure. At first the mares nerves showed the camera make her more aware of her lack of clothing, but after being reminded of how most ponies don’t where any clothes she started to loosen up more. Sure all these things were to be expected and the stallion new how to deal with them and by the time he hit the end of the roll he felt he had still pulled of some good shots.
“Now see that wasn’t so bad was it?” the stallion’s voice was cool while still being confident.
“No I guess it wasn’t and it was even a little fun. If nothing else I guess I now know how it feels to be on the other side of the camera.” The mare gave a small giggle at her own remark.
“You know just because the roll of film is done doesn’t mean we have to stop the fun.” The stallion made the slight move to the mare still calm in his voice all the while looking her in the eye.
“What do you mea-“the mare was cut off by the stallion kissing her his lips controlling but still gentle. At first the mare didn’t know what to think but then as the stallion as the stallion started to course her cheek she began to relax letting her mouth open so his tongue could slip in.
Soon the stallion broke their kiss before asking the mare “do you like a stallion that takes control?”
“Yes.”
The stallion picked the mare up with his magic setting her on his back. “Well how about you lead the way to the bedroom than I can take the lead from there?”
All the while these thoughts of the past few hours tumbled through the stallion’s mind he found himself staring into the mirror that sat upon the mare’s dresser. Mirrors were the one thing he couldn’t stand as mirrors always kept things fresh for him. Living with his actions was easy part, because he could just put them behind himself and not have to look at them but mirrors always brought those actions back to the front.
“Do you love me?” Her question hits the stallion’s ears as she lays on top of him their lips parting only moments before.
“Of course I do.” His words were clear but his thoughts were still jumbled mess of nerves he – and most young stallions – was still trying to figure; instead he relied on his body to make the decisions for him.
“I just wanted to make sure…..you know before we go any further.”
“I understand and I care about you more than art you know that.” The stallions words weren’t lies, but they were the words she wanted to hear so he could get what his body wanted.
“I know you do……I just had to make sure.”
‘I did love you and I know it didn’t stop me from hurting you but please don’t think I didn’t love.’
The stallion tares himself away from mirror no longer interested in what was staring back at him; instead he made his way out the bedroom door careful not to make a noise, as he did not wish to wake the sleeping mare now snuggled into her oversized pillow; After all a lady needs her beauty sleep.
The stallion lit a cigarette as he stood in his bathroom turned make shift dark room. The smell of photo chemicals assaulting his nose as the dim light strained his eyes. He stared at the roll of film he had developed smoke falling from his lips as he exhales. He smiled happy to see he still knew how to pull it off. The photos were sexually explicated, vulgar, and offensive; in short they were perfect. He had already picked out the ten or so frames he would have made into photos for display. Still though something crawled beneath his skin as he sat there staring at the strips of film hanging from the shower rod. Only a few days ago he doubted his ability to come back, but now it all came back to him. He hungered for more after all in his prime he was an artist of multiple disciplines and there was only one place he could go the feed that hunger. It was time to stop wading in the shallows and head back to the deep end. It was time to go back to Cantorlot.
“No not yet. We’re almost there.” The stallion pulled on the mare’s leg hurriedly heading to their destination. His smile widened excited to show his mare friend what he found.
“Ok, but this better be worth all the trouble.”
Soon the mare found herself stopped and she felt the blindfold taken off, as she saw a rundown building in front of her. “This is your big surprise? Some old building?”
“Not just some rundown building our rundown building.”
“What do you men our?”
The stallion chuckled nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Well you see sweetie I was out walking today and I found this place for sale and-“
“Don’t tell me you-“
“It’ll make the perfect studio and home for us. Sure it’s a little rundown, but its meets all our needs. Trust me this will be great.”
“But we can barely afford the apartment we’re in now. Did you even think how we would be able to afford this place?”
“We’ll figure something out I promise, but please just take a look at the place. Trust me you’ll change your tune once you see it on the inside.” The stallion smiled widely giving his mare friend the best puppy dog eyes he could.
“Fine.”
The stallion found himself standing before a door that belonged to a building that looked as though it should have been torn down long ago. Luckily for him he owned the building out right and the land around it, so it stayed around long after everything else surrounding it changed. Though the only thing that was going through the stallions head right now was what lies on the other side of the door. His past.
He rips the lock off the door with his magic throwing the large shutter style doors up. “You knew I couldn’t stay away. You couldn’t let me go that easily. You weren’t done with me. You’ll never be done with me.”
The stallion sat there. He stopped crying about an hour ago. They had fought again, but this time it was for the last time. She left. He tried to end it, but failed. Now he felt cold. He felt empty. He felt alone. He was alone now. He got up and packed a few necessary things. Things he wouldn’t abandon. Couldn’t abandon. He stepped outside into the cold March night and closed the door behind him.