> Coughing Up Secrets
>  by Zeck
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> Chapter 1
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	Princess Twilight Sparkle groaned and buried her face in her pillow. Her entire body hurt. Her eyes were strained, her head was pounding, her mane felt like it was being pulled, and her horn somehow felt as though it was trying to tear itself off of her forehead. And to top it off, her wings ached. That was a new sensation for her. She would have to ask Rainbow Dash sometime what the best way was to ease wing pain. 
On second thought, maybe Fluttershy was the better pony to ask. Rainbow would probably just tell her to toughen up or something. 
Cleaning up all of Ponyville, even with Princesses Cadance and Luna, had taken several hours of focused magic, and it had left the newly-minted Alicorn drained. Usually Twilight enjoyed using her magic—it was her special talent after all—but she hadn’t pushed herself this hard since…well, since she had had her entrance exam when she was a filly. Even conjuring up all those spells to calm an Ursa Minor hadn’t drained her this much. Right now, all she wanted to do was lay down in her bed and go to sleep.
“Spike?” she moaned from inside her pillow. She didn’t hear an answer, so she tried again. “Spike?” When the dragon still didn’t respond, Twilight growled and raised her face from the pillow. “Spike!” She just want to tell him to make sure nopony disturbed her while she rested, and that her report to Princess Celestia about what had happened could wait until morning. 
Grumbling about how Spike was continuing to cause her problems today, Twilight pushed herself out of her soft bed and walked down the stairs. “Spike, where are you?” she asked, then she stepped on something and tripped. She started to fall, but her wings sprang open to catch her. She briefly thought how nice it was to have wings to stop her from falling down stairs, but she was instantly reminded that they were still sore. She winced and pulled them back in, her face smacking into the step and then her body rolled down the rest of them. 
Twilight came to a rest at the bottom of the stairs in a jumble. She was on her back with her hooves pointed toward the ceiling and her mane covering her face. She began to shake with anger until she sprang up and righted herself with a yell. Could this day get any worse? 
As if in answer to her question, the thing she had tripped on bounced into her head. She screamed in fury and spun around, ready to vaporize the object. She grabbed the thing with her magic and yanked it into the air, but stopped when she saw what the object was.
“Oooo, a letter from the Princess?” Twilight said with a gleam in her eye. She briefly wondered why it had been left on the stairs, but she decided she could ask Spike about it later. Feeling much better, the Princess unrolled the scroll and began to read.
“‘Oh Spike, I love you so much. You’re the only dragon for—’” Twilight blinked and cocked her head to the side. “Huh?” She read the rest of the letter quickly. This wasn’t a letter from Princess Celestia. This…this was some sort of badly-written romance between Spike and Rarity. Twilight sighed and rolled the scroll back up, then went to look for her assistant. 
“Uh…make it…stop,” Spike said as Twilight walked into the main room of the library. The purple dragon was on his back, clutching his stomach and moaning. He was surrounded by scrolls and several small statues, each one depicting Rarity in some glamorous pose. A few of them also had Spike standing next to her, or dipping her low for a kiss, but in all of them he was much bigger and more dragonly than he was in real life. 
“Spike, what are you doing?” Twilight asked as she walked over to him. He groaned, then spit out green flame and a scroll. It landed at Twilight’s hooves and she picked it up with her magic. 
“No—ugh—don’t, don’t read it!” Spike said, rolling over and trying to stand up, but collapsing onto his stomach. 
“Why?” Twilight asked as she unrolled the scroll. “Embarrassed about your-not-so-secret secret crush on…oh my.” Twilight blushed and quickly rolled the scroll back up and dropped it on the floor. How did Spike know about stuff like that? Just what had he been reading when Twilight wasn’t around?
“I can’t stop,” Spike said, writhing on the floor. “I’ve—burp—been coughing these things for a bit now.”
“What are they?” Twilight asked as she began to realize just what she was looking at. There were a lot of scrolls around Spike. A lot. “And where did statues coming from?”
In answer to her question, Spike coughed again, spitting out a massive amount of green flame. The flames swirled around for a moment, and then solidified into a beautiful crystal green statue of Spike and Rarity…in a very compromising position. Again, Twilight found herself blushing extremely hard as she looked at it. 
“Spike,” she said, trying to sound condescending but knowing full well that her voice was going to squeak as she continued, “I hardly think Rarity would approve of that.” How did he even know about that sort of thing in the first place?
“I know-ow-ow,” Spike whined. “Please, Twilight. You…you have to help me. Use your magic. Make it stop, please!” 
Twilight finally tore her eyes away from the statue when she realized how much pain Spike was in as he spoke. She rushed over to his side. “What’s wrong? Why is this happening?”
“It’s the book,” Spike said, forcing his eyes open and looking up at her, tears swelling. “It’s…it’s gotta be.”
“The book?” Twilight asked. “You mean the one you stole from the castle? You told me that you got rid of it.” And good riddance too. That thing was the source of all her agony right now. 
“I…I did,” Spike whined. 
“Well, whatever you did, it clearly didn’t work. Where is it?” Twilight looked around the library, trying to spot the familiar green glow that usually went with Dark Magic. Spike couldn’t have possibly tried to use the book himself, could he? Not after everything Rarity had caused with it. 
“I…I…” Spike groaned again.
“Yes?”
“I…”
“Yes?” Twilight was starting to lose her patience. She just wanted to go lay back down and rest. She didn’t want to deal with this. 
“I ate it!”
“You did WHAT?!” Twilight shouted, her wings springing open and lifting her off the ground slightly before reminding her that they were still soar. “You ate it? As in, you put it in your mouth, swallowed, and now it’s in your stomach?”
“Yes,” the dragon whined. “It…it was the only thing…I could think of on how to get…the book away from Rarity.” 
Rarity! Twilight looked around the room. All the scrolls about Spike and Rarity. All the beautiful statues depicting Rarity with such perfection and…other things that Twilight found herself staring at slightly longer than she meant to. The spellbook that granted its user the ability to create whatever they thought of, and was now apparently resting in the bottom of Spike’s stomach.
“Oh no,” Twilight said, her ears falling as she realized what she was looking at.
“What is it?” Spike asked, still struggling to stand up.
“Spike, I think that book’s power is making your heart’s deepest desires come true.”
“But…it’s only—ugh—it’s only supposed to…create what you think of. I’m…I’m not thinking about…any of this. I swear!”
“Well, the book wasn’t meant to be eaten either, was it?” Twilight scolded, even though she hadn’t meant to. Spike was clearly suffering, and she knew her anger wasn’t helping. “Who knows what effects eating it has? It was a very powerful book.”
“Whatever,” Spike said, once again clutching his stomach in pain. “Just…make it stop. Please.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Twilight said, rushing over to the nearest bookshelf. She began to systematically scan each book, pulling down any one that looked like it might offer a clue, or a cure, for what was happening to Spike. She even remembered to check the Supernaturals book this time, but she found nothing. She began to pace frantically as she continued to search her shelves for anything that might offer insight into helping her friend. 
Just then, there was a knock on the library door. “Hello?” a familiar voice called out. “Twilight? Spike? Are you two home?” The door slowly began to open and Twilight rushed forward, pushing it closed again and preventing the pony from opening it any further.
“Um, hello, Rarity,” Twilight said as she poked her head around the slightly opened door. “Uh…what can I do for you?”
Rarity scratched the back of her neck once, then cleared her throat and shoved her embarrassment aside. “I just wanted to apologize to Spikey-Wikey—er, I mean, Spike. After everything I put him through, I thought it was only proper.” Rarity pushed slightly on the door.
“Oh, you don’t need to do that Rarity,” Twilight said with a weak laugh as she refused to let the door open. “Spike understands.”
“Please, Twilight, I must insist,” Rarity said sternly. “He apologized to me, even though he did nothing wrong.”
“He took that book,” Twilight grumbled under her breath.
“Pardon me?”
“Nothing!” Twilight said quickly. “An-anyway, I’m afraid you can’t see Spike right now.”
“Oh no!” Rarity’s eyes went wide in the way that only she could do. “Is poor little Spike ill?”
“Yes,” Twilight said without a thought, then realized her mistake. “Er, I mean, no. No, he’s not ill. Why ever would you think he was ill? It’s not like he ate a cursed magic item or anything. What a crazy idea, right? Whatever gave you the idea that he might be ill, ah ha ha…”
Rarity just stared at the young Princess, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Very well then. So why may I not see Spike?”
“Uh…because…” Twilight looked over her shoulder. Spike was doing his best to keep quiet as he rolled around on the floor in pain, spilling scrolls everywhere and coming dangerously close to toppling some of the statues he had coughed up. “He’s…he’s out! Yes, that’s right! I, uh, sent him on…an errand!” Twilight said as she turned back to look at her friend.
“Oh,” Rarity said. “Could you tell me where I might find him then?”
Twilight’s ears dropped a little. “W-Where you can find him? You mean like, where I sent him?”
“Yes, dear.”
Twilight again looked over her shoulder at her assistant. He was looking right at her, sweat trickling down his forehead, claws covering his mouth as his cheeks bulged, and his eyes were begging her not to let Rarity see him like this. 
“Canterlot,” Twilight said, turning again to Rarity. “That’s right, I sent him to Canterlot.”
“Oh,” Rarity said. Her purple swirls seemed to lose some of their spring. “Royal business then?”
“Yep, that’s exactly it!” Twilight said, pointing at Rarity with her hoof. “And I’m afraid he won’t be back until…for a while.”
“I see. Well, if you see him before me, could you ask him to stop by my place please?”
Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but Spike lost control at that very moment. He let out a huge burp and the entire library flashed green with his familiar fire. Twilight winced at the sound, but refused to look away from Rarity, who was now staring at her with a dubious look.
“Out, is he?” she said. “Then what, pray tell, was that?”
“Um…that was Spike, of course,” Twilight said. “Who else can conjure up green flames?”
“That was pretty impressive, for a dragon that is supposedly in Canterlot,” Rarity said.
“He is in Canterlot,” Twilight protested. “He’s just, uh…practicing.”
“Practicing what?”
Twilight looked over her shoulder. Spike had coughed up a beautiful emerald mini-statue of Rarity wearing the Fire Ruby he had given her a while ago. 
“Um…he’s practicing how to send me messages,” Twilight said. “That’s why I sent him to Canterlot. Princess Celestia is helping him learn how to send messages to me, instead of always sending them to her. I am a Princess now, after all.”
“I see,” Rarity said, and Twilight wasn’t sure if the Unicorn truly believed what the Alicorn was telling her. She needed to do something, fast.
“But here, I think he just sent this for you.” Twilight grabbed the new statue with her magic and brought it to the door. She showed it to Rarity and the pony gasped.
“Why, it’s lovely,” she said as she took the statue with her own magic. “The craftponyship, the eye for detail, and—” A tear came to Rarity’s eye as she continued to look at the statue, “the Fire Ruby…Wherever did Spikey-Wikey get such a thing?”
“I think he made it…” Twilight said, looking over her shoulder and winking at Spike quickly. 
“That settles it then,” Rarity said as she took the statue and carefully put it in her bag.
“It does? You’re leaving?” Twilight asked, a bit too excitedly. 
“Yes. I must prepare for Spikey-Wikey’s return. You must promise me that you’ll send him my way the moment he is able.”
“As soon as he’s able,” Twilight said. “Got it. Have a nice day, Rarity.”
“Good day, Twilight.” Rarity turned and walked away and Twilight instantly slammed the door. She leaned against it and let out a sigh of relief as she sank to the floor. 
“Okay, let’s find a cure for you, Spike,” she said as she slammed her hooves together.
Two hours later, Twilight still had found no cure in any of her books, but she was buried in Spike’s terrible romance scrolls and interesting statues. The only good thing seemed to be the fact that Spike had finally gotten most of the magic out of his system. After several trips to the bathroom, he hadn’t coughed anything up in nearly twenty minutes.  He staggered back into the room, holding his head and looking a bit woozy, but otherwise unharmed. 
“Ugh…I’m never eating anything but gems again,” the little dragon said as he sat down next to Twilight.
“After this, I’m afraid to let you eat anything,” Twilight said. “Promise me you’ll never eat a Dark Magic book ever again.”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cup…ugh, you know what? Food doesn’t sound all that good to me right now.”
Twilight giggled, then looked around at the state of her home. Scrolls were everywhere. Statues, many of them of questionable display, were scattered throughout the parchment. She sighed and blew her bangs out of her eyes. “You know Spike, normally I would ask how your heart came up with a lot of this stuff.”
Spike let out a nervous laugh and gently kicked a pile of scrolls, causing it to bury a nearby statue of Rarity in a rather racy outfit. “But you’re not going to, right?”
“Right. Because you have to clean all this up.”
“What? By myself?”
Twilight stood up and began to make her way back up the stairs to her bed, which had been calling to her for hours now. “Yep. I’ve already cleaned up a magical disaster today. My quota’s been filled. Have fun.”