> Fallout Equestria: Forget > by CivilWarPony > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Part One: Welcome To My Past > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part One: Welcome To My Past Many Pegasi know my name, perhaps you have heard of me? My name was Lightning Dust when I lived although many know my name few know my story or rather how I found myself currently sitting in what you might call Heaven depending on your own point of view. Truth is I was never really good at being humble and I guess writing this story down I hope I can at least convey some of my legacy to you. I know I have burdened my family for generations with the shame of my expulsion from the Wonderbolt Academy, trust me when I say it was never my intention to cause so much pain. It seems easy I guess with the hindsight of having sat in the Place for so long to not really recall the chain of events that led me here. When you die time doesn’t really seem relevant, so when I lost my life a lot of my memory died with my body, so I will try my best to tell at least what parts I can remember. So where to begin? I guess a good place to start would be back before the War to really let you get a sense of who I was. Well as you already know my name was Lightning Dust. In the City of Cloudsdale, I had already developed quiet a reputation before being admitted into the Wonderbolt Academy. When I was a filly I was considered one of the best fliers in the Summer Flight Camp, when I grew older my flying skills only got better. I loved to fly through storms and push myself to test the limits of my wing power. I had few friends growing up or at least no pony I became really close to anyway. I was all too quick to find fault in other ponies flying styles; I always considered myself to be the best and went out of my way to prove it like when I crashed a race being held to determine who was the best flier in Cloudsdale needless to say I bedazzled everypony there with my skills. One day while I was lifting some weights in my home, I received a knock at my door, opening it to find the mail pony had arrived with a letter for me. Taking it from him I saw that it had the official seal of the Wonderbolt’s embossed in wax on the front. I excitedly tore open the letter and squealed as I saw that I had been accepted into the Wonderbolt Academy. Slamming the door in the face of the confused mail pony I raced upstairs to pack my things for when I needed to report to the Academy. I barely got any sleep that night, I was too excited but at the same time also really nervous. I had always wanted to be a Wonderbolt, every Pegasus dreams of flying with the greatest team of fliers in all of Equestria. It was almost impossible for me to even think that this was really happening to me, I had to pinch myself just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming and needless to say I wasn’t. I counted down the days to when I had to leave and marked each day that passed on my calendar. When the day finally arrived, I through off the covers from my bed then quickly showered before making myself breakfast. I was in such a hurry to get going I had to remind myself to grab my saddlebags before stepping a hoof out my front door. After making sure I had gotten everything I needed, I took off flying as fast as I could to the Academy training grounds. I wanted to make quite the impression at my first day at the Academy. When I arrived I watched as teams of other trainees soar through the skies in formation and then when it was time took my place in line after dropping off my saddlebags. Next to me was a Pegasus with a rainbow colored mane and tail, she had a sky blue coat and her cutie mark was a cloud with a rainbow thunderbolt. I could sense that this pony was not like everypony else, she like me had something to prove to the Wonderbolts that we belonged there with the best. Turning I saw Spitfire making her way down the line personally sizing up the recruits. When she got to me, she said that I probably couldn’t get past the first flag pole without tiring myself out. I brashly replied that she should try me and let me prove myself. How full of myself I was back then. I felt like I could take on whole world but my foalish pride blinded me. Truth was when Spitfire was standing before me; it felt like I had butterflies in my stomach. I was shaking so much I’m surprised that Spitfire didn’t notice or even say anything to me. I had to prove myself with every task that the Wonderbolt trainers threw at us. My wingpony, the Pegasus that I noticed before with such passion in her eyes was somepony who I felt was my equal there. Rainbow Dash was her name and I simply thought that we could accomplish anything together, but she wasn’t willing to do the things I was in order to be the best or at least win. Life was a competition after all, everypony trying to prove why they deserved to fly with the greatest team in all of Equestria. As days passed by in the academy, I developed a reputation as a pony that was willing to win no matter the consequences and also as the hardest working pony. My wingmate Rainbow Dash wasn’t so pleased at being paired with me. Outwardly she didn’t voice her concerns to be, and honestly I didn’t take much notice of it. There were a few time where I thought less of her, I figured maybe she wasn’t the kind of pony who had the guts to succeed here academy. The only pony that didn’t seem to care about my reputation was a pony named Thunderlane. I didn’t really think much of him at the beginning, at our first inspection by Spitfire he was really jittery and wouldn’t even make eye contact with her, but after getting to know him I saw another side. But something about him caught my eye. After our first exposure to the Dizzatron, I found him puking his guts out behind a tree. He didn't notice me approach and I nearly gave him a heart attack when I said hello. At first he was confused as to why I approached him, I have to admit that I wasn't sure why I was even talking to him, but after awhile I struck up a conversation with him. I asked why he was even at the Academy, he replied that he had a few of his ancestors who were former Wonderbolts and that also he just liked to be able to prove himself. His parents always thought of him as lazy foal who would always need their help and that this would prove to them that he could do something on his own. When I asked what he thought of me, he simply shrugged and said he didn't really care about what other ponies thought of me. He understood that I was here to prove myself and he could identify with that. After our first talk I often found myself stealing glimpses of Thunderlane as he trained. He was brave, kind, and he actually tried his hardest even when it didn’t seem good enough. Also he lived up to his reputation he was very lazy, this probably his only fault that I could find. He would frequently be late for morning inspection when we would check our gear before the days training. Often I would find him still asleep in the barracks. Once in order to wake him up I had to pour icy water over his head, needlessly to say he woke up pretty quickly after that and never missed morning assembly. We seemed to hit it off after this he expressed that he cared for me. I was nervous when he told me, I had come to the Academy for one reason, and that was to be the best Wonderbolt ever but now I hadn't expected to fall head over hooves for somepony. Another part of me though had hoped this would happen, I mean he made me feel in ways that I never had before. I would giggle when he smiled at me and my face would turn beat red. Things are strange when you are in love, and I wasn't sure where this would led but I was always ready for another adventure, so gave into my emotions and told Thunderlane that I loved him after we had just got done finding flags during one training exercise. I never saw a pony smile as wide as he did after I told him. It made me laugh and he kissed me for the first time. This was something I would remember for the rest of my life. My last day at the academy is one I will never forget. Our task was to clear the skies over the academy as quickly as we could. Even though Spitfire said it wasn’t a race, I was convinced that I and Rainbow Dash could do it faster than anypony else. Taking to the skies, our progress was slow and something seemed to be bugging Rainbow Dash. Clearing the skies of all the clouds was taking a lot longer than I had expected so I proposed to Rainbow Dash that we create a tornado to clear the skies faster than any other team. Rainbow Dash agreed with a tone of reluctance in her voice, I shrugged it off and we proceeded to fly faster and faster around each other spinning the air into a vortex between us. It was working at least for a few minutes but I couldn’t control it, the strain was too much for my wings to handle and I spun out of the tornado. Dizzily I shook my head and the world for a few seconds wobbled then came into focus. The tornado began to pick up more speed, sucking up every cloud in sight. As the tornado swirled out of control across the sky, the only thing I could think about was how awesomely fast it was making our task go by. I was certain that Spitfire herself would certainly let me onto the Wonderbolt’s after how quickly we cleared the skies. I watched as the tornado danced across the skies towards a purple balloon that emerged from the cloud cover. In the basket were five ponies, as one of them, an Earth pony with a distinct ascent shouted, “It’s a twister!” The tornado caught the balloon in its grasp snapping the ropes that held the basket to it like twigs. The basket and its pony occupants quickly tumbled to the ground. I watched as Rainbow Dash and my other classmates saved the ponies before they smashed into the ground. I wasn’t able to help them because I was still stunned how quickly I had lost control of the tornado. I am not and have never been good at losing control of things. Call me a sore loser but I like to win and succeed at any cost or at least I did then anyways. Rainbow Dash and her friends safely landed on the ground and I flew down to her expressing how awesome it was at how quickly we had cleared the skies and that none of the other pony teams were even going to catch up to us. I offered my hoof for a hoof-bump but Rainbow Dash turned it aside and began criticizing be for my behavior. I remember feeling a bit agitated at her calling me out in front of everypony; after all I was because of me that we were considered one of the best teams at the academy. She told me that she also wanted to be one of the best but that I wasn’t going to accomplish being the best in the way that I was going about it. I reminded her that it was Spitfire herself that I made me the leader of our team and that Rainbow Dash was only the wingpony. After that she stormed off to Spitfire’s office while I went to the mess hall to meet up with Thunderlane. Whatever she said to Spitfire had obviously had an effect because during my meal a few of the Wonderbolt trainers found me and said that I had to come with them. I was lead before Spitfire and told that I was going to be expelled from the Wonderbolt Academy. I could have sworn in that moment that my jaw hit the floor. To make the embarrassment even worse I was led before Rainbow Dash and her friends where I was stripped of my wingpony leader pin then quickly escorted out of sight. I barely had time to pack the few things I had brought with me to the academy in my saddlebags before the trainers forced me to leave. I only caught a glimpse of Thunderlane as I left. He was soaring happily behind Rainbow Dash, I was certain that he would never forgive me for the way I had acted but I was wrong about that. For weeks afterwards all I could do was mope around at home, I didn’t bother to read my mail or even contact my family. I wanted to hide from the world; I guess in reality it was to hide my shame. I wasn’t sure of what I should do. All I had ever wanted was to be a Wonderbolt; it was the thing that gave my life purpose and meaning. That was the first time I considered killing myself, I mean what was the point in living if my dreams were smashed to pieces long after the pain of the expulsion wore off? But instead of trying to kill myself, I just went and lay down in my bed waiting for the Grim Pony to come and reap me. I don’t know how long I lay there, and to be honest I didn’t really care but a knock at my front door woke me from my self-pity. Trotting into the bathroom, I quickly tried to fix my appearance. I barely recognized the disheveled image that stared back at me with sunken puffy eyes that were still red from all the crying I had done. My mane hung in strands over my face hiding some of my reflection beneath dirty unkempt clumps of my mane. My coat had faded beneath the grim and sweat from the lack of bathing. I hadn’t attended to certain personal hygiene needs and I could smell myself within the small confines of the bathroom. I took some perfume and sprayed it on my filthy coat trying to hide the smell. Rushing towards the door, I pulled it open to see Thunderlane standing there with a big smile that spread across his muzzle. He held up a bouquet of flowers saying he had missed me. I was stunned just to see him standing there on my doorstep, I was fairly sure that I was dreaming or that his was some sick illusion that the Grim Pony had taken in order to escort me into the Afterlife. But after a few seconds of an awkward silence I knew it was really happening. The only things I could do was wrap my hooves around Thunderlane’s neck and bury my nose into his mane sobbing like a little filly. He rubbed my back and said that everything was going to be okay. He spent the night in my home and helped me feel better. After spending the night, with him the pain of the expulsion diminished slightly but I felt like I needed to make a change for the better. I had been my own worst enemy by recklessly putting other ponies in danger so I could succeed. I knew that in order to redeem myself that I would have to change. But I wasn’t sure how I could go about starting to prove to others that I had indeed changed for the better. Unfortunately I would find my opportunity to finally prove myself when the War began only a few years later. > Part Two: The War Arrives > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part Two: The War Arrives The first two years after my expulsion from the Wonderbolt Academy were among some of the happiest of my life. Sunset flights with Thunderlane and trips to Rainbow Falls became a daily ritual. Thunderlane was a balm for my soul and he kept me from sinking back into my old ways. It was a month before the War began that Thunderlane and I were married then soon after I became pregnant with my first child. I had a son named Noctilfire; he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. At first I really didn’t pay attention to the rising tensions between Equestria and the Zebra Empire but when war broke out it was then that I finally took notice of it. It was the first war Equestria had fought in centuries; conflict isn’t in a pony’s nature. Sure we have arguments but we never resort to violence to settle things. Since my time at the academy, I finally had a reason worth living again and something worth protecting. Both Thunderlane and I volunteered for service in the Equestrian military. We didn’t see a lot of action at the beginning, and to be honest I was kinda glad for that. It meant I could spend more time with my family and not waste my time worrying about when I was going to be deployed. But after the Battle of Shattered Hoof Ridge everything changed for Equestria. Thunderlane and I were deployed in separate areas of Equestria while our son Noctilfire was left with Thunderlane’s brother Rumble. My first exposure to combat came while trying to defend the city of Mareston. I hadn’t been to Mareston before the war but I knew it was a popular city to visit in Southern Equestria. By the time I had arrived, the city had already been reduced to block after block of smoking rubble. The battle was grueling and I was nearly killed a number of times. Our forces around the city were hit so quickly that they barely had any time to prepare a defense. Our units on the outer defenses had retreated to secondary defensive lines and were just barely managing to hold the Zebras at bay. I spent most of my time evacuating civilians out of the city. It was only a matter of time before our defenses collapsed and were overrun. It was here that I found my chance to finally start to turn my life and the reputation I had around. One group of civilians hadn’t been evacuated from the outskirts of the city. I could only guess that they didn’t wish to leave their home and decided to remain behind but if we had simply left them to their fate I had no doubt they would be executed. When my squad landed outside of a small home, an Earth pony fired a shot at my hooves as a warning and said, “Don’t come any closer! We ain’t leavin!” I tried to reason with this crazy pony but he was adamant that he and his family weren’t going to leave their home. Just as my squad started to break down the front door to the home, I could hear over the radio on my barding that the Zebra’s had broken through our lines in this sector and were heading our way. Flying to the roof of the home, I could see the Zebra’s bearing down on our position like a pack of timberwolves. I was able to aim my battle-saddle to fire a few shots before a bullet tore through my left wing snapping the bone in half and leaving it daggling like a broken branch. Another bullet knocked me flat on my back as it tore through my right shoulder. I tumbled backwards off of the roof and wasn’t able to move my right forehoof. One of my squad, a Pegasus named Flickerwing was able to help me get me on my hooves before a bullet passed through his head spattering his brains all over my face. I wasn’t used to seeing somepony’s head explode in front of me or in this case explode all over me. I was able to place my wounded forehoof in a makeshift sling and I ordered my squad to carry the unwilling family out of their home before we were all killed. I placed Flickerwing’s corpse over my back and tried to fly back to our own lines, needless to say it wasn't easy flying with a busted wing but I somehow managed it. I wanted to ensure that Flickerwing got a descent burial, I didn’t want the Zebra’s to string up his corpse like I had seen them do with some of our dead. The battle of Mareston became even more desperate after I was sent back to Cloudsdale to recover from my wounds. Eventually I had heard we had lost the city but had managed to halt the Zebra’s advance at great cost. Thunderlane was able to visit me in Cloudsdale at the hospital; I could tell that the war was taking its toll on him. His mane was caked in dirt while his beautiful eyes were hollow and empty. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and he told me that he was having nightmares about those he had lost. His unit had been wiped out with the exception of him and another Pegasi who I was later told had committed suicide due to survivor’s guilt. Thunderlane’s unit had been transferred to the Mareston front after I was wounded and had been ambushed by a large force of Zebra’s while out on a scouting mission. I reached out to comfort him and I could feel him shaking then looking up I could see he was sobbing. Large pearly tears flooded down the sides of his cheeks and he curled up next to me in bed just crying, none of the nurses who passed by my bed bothered to remove him from the hospital wing instead one of them was kind enough to draw the curtains around my bed for us to have some privacy. We laid together for what seemed for an eternity, just comforting one another. I was glad to have him by my side, even if it was only for a short while. I wanted us to get back home, with our son and live normal lives instead of fighting but we both knew that we had signed up to protect Equestria. I snuggled into him and breathed in his scent it calmed me to know that we were both still alive and had made it out of Mareston at least in one piece. By the time morning came Thunderlane was gone but had bought me a fresh bouquet of my favorite flowers placing them at my bedside table. My wing and shoulder were fully healed thanks to the magic Fluttershy had invented to treat the new kinds of wounds ponies were facing in this war. I was discharged from the hospital a few days after Thunderlane came to see me. I wasn’t really sure whether or not I wanted to even report back for duty but I had made an obligation to fight for Equestria and I didn’t want to see a coward after witnessing the deaths of my comrades in Mareston plus when I commit to something I fully commit to it. I reported back to my unit, and I was glad to see at least some familiar faces but I was sad to learn we had lost so many when Mareston had fallen. My unit alone sustained over fifty-percent casualties. My friend and brother to Flickerwing, a pony named Shadowfeather had survived the battle and I was glad to see him after all of this time. Shadowfeather had lost his older brothers in the Battle of Shattered Hoof Ridge and signed up when his parents had begged him not to, but after losing members of his family to the Zebra’s I couldn’t blame him for wanting to get some pay back. He led me over to a list of casualties that listed the names of ponies that were missing, killed, or wounded during the battle. I saw a few names that I recognized from my days at the Wonderbolt Academy. Cloudchaser was listed as missing in action while Snowflake had been listed as killed in action. In the crowd of various ponies I saw Cloudchaser’s sister Flitter. Trotting over to her I told her that I was sorry to see that her sister was missing. She was actually shocked that I had actually come over to speak with her. I guess her sister must have shared what I had done at the Wonderbolt Academy before the war; she said that she didn’t want sympathy from a pony who wasn’t capable of giving it. I was genuinely hurt by her comment but I knew that I couldn’t be surprised that this was how other ponies would react to me. I am sure that my reputation as a reckless and selfish pony had spread far and wide beyond the Wonderbolt Academy after all when you are expelled from Equestria’s premier school for gifted fliers it is a big deal. I apologized for upsetting her and that I didn’t mean to offend her. I told her I was sorry to see that she had lost her sister then told her that I was sad to see that many of my former classmates were gone. She stared at me for a few seconds before realizing I was actually trying to be genuine with my condolences then said that she was sorry for snapping at me. She was just stressed out for worrying so much about her sister’s disappearance during the battle. I asked her when was the last time she had heard from her sister, she replied spoken with her sister a few days before Mareston had fallen. It seems that Cloudchaser’s squad had been deployed to destroy important documents in the Northern Headquarters of the Wonderbolts before the city was lost. All she knew is that she hadn’t heard from her sister since then and that there was a chance that she had either been cut off and unable to get a message out when the city fell or she had been taken prisoner. I told Flitter that I would search for her sister back in Mareston. She said that I didn’t have to nor did she want be responsible for sending a lone pony back into enemy territory on what was assuredly a wild pony chase. But I insisted that it was something I had to do. I left the camp with Shadowfeather by my side and we stealth fully soared back towards Mareston. Flying high above the battlefields near Mareston, we banked left into the cloud cover to disguise our approach to the city. The air inside the clouds made me gag and I nearly threw up. The air reeked of cordite and decay from the battles fought below us. Flying through clouds normally didn’t bother me but that was before the war when the clouds were white and puffy. Now they hung like the Grim Pony himself over Mareston, they were dark grey and gave off an uneasy feeling as if the souls of those who died below followed us on our flight to Mareston trying to have us join them. The city slowly appeared out of the smoke and ash. It looked a lot worse than when I had left it. The largest of the skyscraper buildings had all their windows blown out and only a few panes of shattered glass clung to the burnt out metal frames of these once wonderful buildings. The city seemed to glow as it was illuminated by the hundreds of embers that wafted up from the ground. Occasionally I could spot the shape of a Zebra soldier going about his duty. I nodded over to Shadowfeather as we picked up the pace. As we got closer to the Northern headquarters building I noticed a group of Pegasi being held in a number of cages that hung from the over the entrance. I waited while Shadowfeather picked off the few zebra guards that stood below with his silenced assault rifle then I quickly flapped my wings over to the nearest cage and hovered in front of it. The Pegasus, a male sat upright in the cage. His eyes had been gouged out of his head leaving the sockets scabbed over and filled with puss. The zebra’s had taken his blood and painted it into weird shapes all over his body. I cocked my ears forward to listen for a heartbeat but I heard none. Likewise the other Pegasi pony’s had expired long before we arrived. As I was about to leave I noticed one last cage on the far left of the entrance hidden behind one of the columns. Flying over to it, I could see that the Pegasus inside was female and on closer inspection was in fact Cloudchaser. Her grey mane which she had taken so much pride in arranging it into a distinctive manestyle hung over her face. I could barely make out a heartbeat and when I whispered her name she started to move. She opened her eyes and blinked listlessly at me. She didn’t say a word but I told her that we had come to rescue her and get her back to her sister Flitter. Upon hearing the name of her sister she rubbed her leg nervously and I told her that her sister was alive. She smiled weakly at me as I picked the lock on the cage and opened it. She couldn’t fly as I saw that the Zebra’s had mutilated her wings which sagged against her back. I gently pulled her out of the cage and while Shadowfeather hoisted her arm around his neck. Together we flew Cloudchaser out of Mareston and back to her sister. When we touched down at the camp there was already a crowd as we arrived. Somepony, I don’t know who had found out what I and Shadowfeather were up to. I could spot a few of the MP’s standing by. I quickly became worried that we would be shot as deserters but when they saw that we had Cloudchaser with us they backed off. Flitter emerged from the crowd with her eyes beaming with happiness. She rushed over to her sister and pulled her into a big hug. She nuzzled into her sister’s neck saying how worried she had been about her and that she never wanted to be separated from her again. After seeing her sister’s wings Flitter called out for a medic and one appeared in a flash by Cloudchaser’s side. After watching Cloudchaser being taken away on a stretcher, Flitter turned to me and Shadowfeather; she pulled us both into a hug and thanked us for rescuing her sibling. I told her that it was nothing; I couldn’t leave my classmate in the hooves of those Zebra thugs. She told me that I had really changed since my time at the Wonderbolt Academy. It was wonderful to hear that my efforts to change were finally starting to be noticed by everypony around me. She let us go and after she disappeared into the crowd we were swarmed by what seemed like the entire camp. A group of ponies lifted us up onto their shoulders and called us heroes. I felt my face blush and laughed when I saw that Shadowfeather’s face had turned crimson as well. We both laughed as we were carried all throughout the camp as two heroes who had saved a comrade from the clutches of the evil Zebra’s. That night I think I got some of the best sleep I had gotten in a long while. I was content in knowing that I had helped another be reunited with a member of their family. But there was a part of my mind that wandered back to reading the names on that list. I wondered how many more names would be added to that list as the war dragged on. I couldn’t help it when the image of Thunderlane reading my name on the list and then suddenly taking his sidearm then putting it to his head and squeezing the trigger. I woke up with the sound of that gunshot ringing in my ears and shook my head as I breathed heavily. I knew that Thunderlane was safe and that I was having a stupid dream. I went back to sleep after that and was more determined to spend time with my husband the next time I saw him. > Part Three: Furlough From Harm But Not From Conflict > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part Three: Furlough From Harm But Not From Conflict After rescuing Cloudchaser from captivity in Mareston, I and Shadowfeather were given furlough from the military. I returned home in Cloudsdale and was glad to see that Thunderlane was furloughed as well, having a wife as hero has its perks. On the walk towards Rumble’s home in Cloudsdale, I could tell that something was bothering Thunderlane. He must have sensed my worry and began to tell me what was bothering him. His brother Rumble didn’t approve of Thunderlane’s service in the military; he felt that any pony who served in the military was furthering the progression of the war. Instead in Rumble’s opinion we should try and negotiate for peace with the Zebra Empire. At first this might seem like a reasonable sentiment and one I would have agreed to before the war, but after seeing what the Zebras were capable of in Mareston I knew we had no choice but to fight them otherwise the consequences were too ghastly to contemplate. Plus I couldn’t understand why Rumble would be angry at my husband. Didn’t he understand that we put our necks on the line just so he could have an opinion about the war without ever having to step a hoof onto the battlefield? Thunderlane just sighed and remained quiet for the rest of the journey. Arriving at Rumble’s home, we were greeted rather coldly by him. He had grown a lot since the last time I saw him. He had gotten a well-paying position at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory supervising the creation of snowflakes. He had his maid, a female Pegasi named Cloudymane handed over our son to us. He didn’t even say a word to either of us but instead slammed the door in our faces. At that moment I wanted to buck down the door and confront Rumble about changing his attitude but when Thunderlane saw that I was readying my hooves for a brawl he said that it wouldn’t change anything and that we should just leave. I sighed and turned away from the door but I swore the next time Rumble pulled something like that I would kick his flank. Having all of us under the same roof again was unusual. I had forgotten what the quiet of home sounded like having become accustomed to the shrieking of artillery shells overhead. While I sat in the living room and watched my son play with his toys, Thunderlane prepared lunch in the kitchen. Closing my eyes all I could do was soak in the peace of being at home finally after being gone for so long then I felt a tugging at my leg and looking down saw my son trying to crawl into my lap. A small smile spread across his tiny muzzle as he stared up at me. Reaching down I lifted him up into my lap and sat him on my knee. He tugged at my mane and gurgled trying to say something. Noctilfire looked more like his father then he did me. He had his father’s eye color and his coat was the same charcoal grey. But his mane and tail were the same color as mine. While he played with my mane, I heard a knock at the door. Before I could answer the door Thunderlane had already gotten to the door first. Pulling it open, Blossomforth trotted inside. I was rather surprised to see her in my home. She and Thunderlane before the war were something of an item, but after Thunderlane left to go to the Wonderbolt Academy they had a falling out. She worked for the Ministry of Awesome developing convert technologies for the war effort. She smiled at Thunderlane and pulled him into a hug while glaring at me all the while. I felt like kicking her flank out of my house but I wasn’t going to do anything violent in front of my child, so I simply glared back. Thunderlane asked her how her work was going at the Ministry and while they caught up with each other then discussed the olden days I went upstairs to grab something. When I came back down I saw Blossomforth leaning towards Thunderlane looking like she intended to kiss him but instead was actually presenting him with a box. I just about had a heart attack when I saw her what it looked like to me to be putting the moves on my husband but instead I became curious about what was in the box. Thunderlane opened it revealing two plasma pistols. Blossomforth explained that these two pistols were the first of many that were being field tested by the government and they needed experienced soldiers like me and Thunderlane to let them know how these weapons performed under combat conditions. Both of these models were called the Sunsurge PLX1 and were going to become standard issue in the Equestrian military should they perform well. Both of the pistols came with matching shoulder holsters that could be mounted onto our utility barding. I noticed that my name had been engraved on the grip of the pistol while Thunderlane’s had been engraved on the other. Blossomforth explained that not only were these for use to field test but were her wedding gifts to us. I figured it was just a gesture for her to buy her way into my good graces after not attending our wedding before the war. Needless to say I didn’t say anything and just took the gift thanking her for the pistols. After further explaining to us on how to use them and maintain them in the field Blossomforth left. I looked as Thunderlane watched her exit our home. I could tell that he still harbored some residual love for her but he turned to me and said that what was between them was long over and that he already had the love of his life. I hugged him and together we ate lunch with our son in the kitchen. After lunch, I put my son down for his afternoon nap while Thunderlane and I spent time together watching some TV on the terminal screen. A lot of new technology like this had become common place in the homes of ponies before the war. Equestria was industrializing but the war had really bumped things up into high gear. You could practically buy anything these days that we didn’t have growing up as foals in Pre-Industrial Equestria. It made life easier for anypony and certainly never failed to amaze me. I flipped through the channels to find our favorite show which was about an Earth pony and his changeling sidekick exploring the outer reaches of Space. I snuggled against Thunderlane as we both munched on some delicious buttery popcorn. After the show was over, we both went to take a nap. Thunderlane stayed up awhile reading the manual on the pistol; in particular the section on how to acquire replacement parts should the thing malfunction. He climbed into bed with me about an hour later and I basked in the warmth he gave off. He cuddled against me and together we slept soundly. When I awoke it must have been around five o’clock. Thunderlane was already up feeding our son with a bottle. Trotting downstairs, he was sitting on the couch and didn’t notice me. It was the perfect picture of happiness. He was smiling widely as he cradled our son in his arms. I quickly ran upstairs and grabbed my camera then snapped a photo before he noticed me. Thunderlane’s ears swiveled forward after he heard the click of the camera then looked up after noticing the flash. For a second I thought I saw his eyes narrow into slits but they softened when he saw it was only me taking a picture. I guess the war had made the both of us jumpy. But there wasn’t any threat to us in our home nor did we have to worry about going to the front for a long time at least until the furlough was up. Thunderlane decided he was tired of cooking and wanted to order out. He called our favorite pizza place and had them deliver two large pizzas to our home with all of the fixings. After we ate, we decided to turn in for the night. The next day we walked into the city with our son in the stroller. We saw on the news that one of the Ministry mares was going to make an appearance in Cloudsdale. We saw a large crowd gathered in the public square ahead. We were able to push our way through the crowd and get a good look at which Ministry mare had arrived. I was shocked to see that it was Rainbow Dash. She was escorted by a heavily armed group of Pegasi soldiers from the Ministry. She was led to a platform that had been erected in the center of the town. She spoke rather eloquently about how the Pegasi had to do their part in ending the war. She then went on to talk about the latest technological developments that the Ministry had made. I was rather impressed with her speech. I tried to push my way closer to her but I don’t think she saw me. My one and only chance to apologize to her disappeared when her guard escorted her away after she was done talking. Thunderlane saw my disappointment and said that I would have my chance again to talk to Rainbow Dash just not when she was so busy with her governmental responsibilities. I nodded and we both left the crowd heading down the street to a small café where we could grab something to eat and relax with our son. The truth was I wasn’t even sure that I would be able to speak with Rainbow Dash again. Even if I could, would she really want to speak to me again? We didn’t exactly part ways on the best of terms. Even though I felt like I had changed, I doubt it would be enough to convince Rainbow Dash of that. I treated her really poorly when I was at the Academy. I tried to loose myself in the swirling inky depths of my tea. Thunderlane smiled and said that I didn’t have to worry about trying to convince Rainbow Dash of my sincerity. He said his approval of me was more than enough to convince anypony that I had changed. I smiled and thanked him for his kind words then smiled at my son. I was determined to see Rainbow Dash the next time I saw her. After finishing our meal we went to the local park and I watched as Thunderlane played with Noctilfire in the sandbox. I trotted over to join them and we made a sand castle with our son. The furlough lasted another week during which time Shadowfeather arrived at our home to tell me that we had both been nominated for medals for our actions in Mareston. I was rather surprised that they would even nominate me for a medal. I had just done my job as a soldier, so I imagine anypony would have done the same thing if placed into that situation. The next day I was escorted by a guard of Equestria’s elite soldiers to Cloudsdale city hall for the medal presentation. I could barely make out Thunderlane in the crowd with our son. Shadowfeather stood next to me in his brand new dress uniform. I had also been given a new uniform to wear just for the occasion. The pony who was going to present us the medals was none other than Princess Celestia. She had abandoned her rule over Equestria to her sister Luna after the Littlehorn Massacre, but remained an important figure within the inner political circles in Equestria. I was so nervous when she walked out on the stage. I had never seen any of the Princesses in real life besides the numerous photos in the newspaper. But to actually be standing in the presence of one of them was overwhelming. I thought I would faint then and there but Shadowfeather steadied me. I guess he felt the same way too. Celestia smiled at me warmly and her voice rang almost musically in my ears as she thanked us for our service in the military and for helping to defend Equestria. Her mane caught the sunlight and it seemed to sparkle with what I could only describe as a heavenly glow. I could understand why now some of the ponies in Equestria considered the royal sisters to be goddesses. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes as she presented us with our medals. I got the feeling that she wasn’t happy about the state of affairs in Equestria and that she had to give two of her subjects medals won in the service of Equestria in combat. I almost felt like crying but she said to me that she was fine and that she appreciated my concern for her. I didn’t know if Celestia had mindreading powers but she practically took the words right out of my mouth. After the ceremony was over the Princess left in her royal chariot heading back to Canterlot, after the crowd began to disperse Thunderlane climbed onto the stage and pulled me into a hug saying how proud of me he was. I smiled happily then noticed that Noctilfire had become fascinated with Shadowfeather’s medal and began to play with it. Shadowfeather wasn’t really sure what to do so he just let my son play with his medal. Shadowfeather smiled as he watched my son play with his medal, this was the first time that I had ever seen him smile and it was nice to see that he still had a sense of humor after everything that had happened. This was the last time I saw Shadowfeather, he was killed in combat a few months later when his unit was transferred to the Crystal Empire front. Before returning to the military, we left Noctilfire in Rumble’s care again. Despite hating the fact that his brother and I were serving in the military he still felt a familial obligation to our son. Reporting back to my unit was strange after being gone for so long. I checked up on the status of Flitter and Cloudchaser. Cloudchaser had been discharged from the army and then transferred to a hospital in Manehattan, while Flitter had been given a desk job away from the battlefront in Canterlot where she worked for the Ministry of Peace under Fluttershy. I was glad that she was no longer serving on the frontlines, Flitter wasn’t the kind of pony who did well under fire and to be honest I wanted her to be with her sister for her own happiness. My unit was then stationed in the Crystal Empire at their capital city in order to police the streets which were already becoming wild from the lack of a police presence within the city. The Zebra’s had been pressing on the Crystal Empire’s borders during the early years of the war. Princess Cadence had attempted to keep the Empire neutral in the conflict but found herself unable to stem the rising tide of war that was on her countries doorstep. I had never been to the Crystal Empire; I thought it was rather pretty with all of these large crystal formations jutting out of the ground. Even though it snowed for most of the time while we were there we never got cold. The Empire was truly a more magical place than Equestria. But it had been hit hard when the Zebra’s declared war on it. A lot of civilians had fled from the outer provinces to the capital city. Food shortages were becoming common and the people grew restless. I couldn’t really blame them for feeling the way they did. It was hard enough losing your home and fleeing to safety only to find out there wasn’t enough food to go around. I began to hear whispers of a revolt around the city among the Crystal pony refugees. I reported my concerns to my superiors and they told me that they were already well aware of this. Eventually Princess Cadence found a way to find enough food for everypony that came to the city. The sentiments of ill will towards the government went away as quickly as they appeared when everypony walked around with a full belly. The war was making ponies do things that they normally wouldn’t have done before the war. A rising crime rate was becoming a common sight all across of Equestria and the Empire wasn’t exempt from it. There were murders, thefts, and drug use throughout the whole of the Empire. One murder I can remember most vividly involved a female Unicorn pony. She barricaded herself into an abandoned building on the outskirts of the city. She was in the process of attempting to kill herself when we broke into the building. I was shocked to see she had already gunned down her family before we were able to save them. Her reasoning for her actions was that she felt that the world was coming to an end and it didn’t make sense for her to try to raise a family with her husband in this new and frighteningly chaotic world. Seeing the broken and bloodied bodies of her husband and children I wondered whether or not I would have done the same thing if I was placed into her position. The truth was hard to admit but if I was forced into watching my family die at the hooves of the Zebra military or ending their suffering before it they were captured. I would kill my family in order to protect them. This thought made me want to be sick to my stomach and sent a cold chill that rushed up my spine and into my heart. When I next met with Thunderlane we would have to discuss a contingency plan for having our son get to a safe location should the worst happen. But for now I buried myself back into my duties as a soldier trying to protect other ponies from themselves and hopefully save a few lives in the process. My time in the Crystal Empire ended after a few months. Most of those in my unit were tired of the atmosphere in the capital city, trying to police its streets and prevent the worst of pony behavior. I think all of them were ready to get back to seeing some real combat and make the Zebras pay for everything they were responsible for causing across the whole of Equestria and the Crystal Empire. As we left the Crystal Empire, I looked back at the large Crystal palace, home to the royal cousins two the Princesses. I wondered what would become of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence after the war was over? > Part Four: Hard Lessons > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part Four: Hard Lessons After my unit was redeployed to the battlefront on the borders of the Crystal Empire, the progress of the war became even more desperate all across Equestria. Even with the development of new technological advances such as power armor which made anypony into a walking tank, the Zebras merely adapted their technology to counter any advances we made into protecting our military forces. The Zebras were making some serious progress in the Crystal Empire. They had developed a new kind of magic that wiped out whole platoons at a time and the Crystal Empire’s forces were rapidly diminishing. Princess Luna sent some of her finest soldiers to the Empire in order to hold Equestria’s northern border. Hope seemed to almost universally vanish as the war dragged on. The suicide rate spiked in not only the Empire but in Equestria as well. The Crystal City’s morgue was perhaps the busiest location in the entire city. It ran all day, every day. There were funerals and memorial services for not only those who had killed themselves but also those who had fallen in battle. Eventually in order to stop the ever advancing armies of the Zebra Empire, we were ordered to dig trenches. I found the idea disdainful and so did Thunderlane who had joined me in the Crystal Empire. We were practically digging glorified graves that we would bury ourselves in after the Zebras were through with us. As the war became more intense, I looked back at my early volunteering to join the military as a mistake. I had just had a son, and perhaps I was too eager to see combat. But war has a funny way of making you do things that you would have never done before. I was young and stupid then. Even though I felt like I had changed perhaps I didn’t change enough to see what really mattered and that was my family. There were times that I unconsciously caught myself thinking of what would my life had been had I not signed up for the military and had there been no war. Questions like these bothered me, it was dumb to think of any sort of reality other than what was right before me but still I couldn't help it. Maybe I could have gotten at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory rearranging cloud formations, this would give me a chance to fly as often as I liked and get paid for it. Also I could spend time with my family and be a proper mother to my son instead of an absent one. But the war has changed the fortunes of everypony, and now we all must suffer the consequences. The slaughter of the War was made all the easier with the large scale deployment of the megaspells. Granted the worst of them were kept hidden away as a countermeasure in case the Zebras threatened us with annihilation. Once while waiting for our scouting party to return I talked with Thunderlane about whether or not he regretted joining the military, what he said generally shocked me. He said he didn’t regret one day of it despite the fact that I noticed he no longer slept that much anymore. He went on to say that after all of the death, destruction, and suffering caused by the advancing Zebra hordes he knew that if his service meant that he could keep our family safe then he was more than willing to die for that belief. I asked him whether or not he felt like he had lost his soul along the way, he turned and said that his soul sat before him. I had become something that kept any semblance of his better nature intact. The truth was this frightened me. I wasn’t even sure that my own soul remained intact, after all of the things I had done. I could squeeze a trigger at any Zebra soldier I saw without even thinking about it. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that killing was wrong. It was contrary to everything that ponies were taught before the war. But I had to kill in order to survive and get back to my son. Also the propaganda machine that was in fully effect at this time made the Zebras seem like the worst possible monsters imaginable. I had bought into this mentality and it did make things easier whenever I killed somepony. I wasn’t snuffing out a life when I killed, just merely putting down a rabid animal. But that one part of me that still held onto whatever innocence that remained inside of me refused to drown in the ocean of blood that had filled my soul. I hated the Zebras with every single fiber of my being. I had watched them cut down my friends and comrades. They had no respect for our dead and would hang their mutilated corpses across no-pony’s land. But there was one occasion that I started to question whether or not they were really the soulless beasts that I perceived them to be. We had taken back a trench that we had lost the previous day, during the fighting I had been wounded in my hind right leg. I was left behind to await the medics who were going to carry me back to our lines. While I waited, I pulled out a locket that I kept around my neck of my son. Looking at it, I failed to notice a small shadow that was slowly creeping over to me. Just then somepony pounced onto me, I wrestled with this figure for a good five minutes before I was able to pin whoever it was and place my knife at their throat. Looking down I saw it was a young Zebra soldier; he must have been no more than eighteen years old. He gazed up at me with his bulging wide eyes. He had blue eyes with a fresh pink scar across his left eye. He looked at my knife at his throat then closed his eyes as he turned his head. He was breathing heavily and I could feel his heart hammering inside of his chest. I held the life of this young Zebra in my hooves. I wanted to kill him to be honest, every part of my body was screaming at me to do it. But something in his eyes stayed my blade from slitting his throat and watching his life’s blood pool around us. Perhaps I recognized myself in him when I was younger and more naïve. Whatever it was I couldn’t kill this Zebra. I said to him, that I wasn’t going to kill him as long as he promised not to kill me. This caused his ears to cock forward and he slowly turned his head to look up at me. He studied my face to see whether or not I was telling the truth. He nodded and I let him up. I walked a few steps backwards to put some space in between us just in case he tried to pull anything. I asked him what his name was; he told me it was Zetes. He asked me mine and I told him it. After that we stared at each other for a long while before Zetes finally asked why I didn’t kill him. I told him that I didn’t know why but I just couldn’t. He said that he had never met a pony who didn’t kill Zebras. I told him that I had never met a Zebra who didn’t kill a pony. We laughed and that seemed to break the ice between us. Zetes told me he was from a small village within the Zebra Empire. It was so small that it didn’t even have a name or at least a name that the locals called it anyways. To him it was home and that was enough. He asked me where I was from and I told him I was from Cloudsdale. I was surprised to see that he knew about Cloudsdale and also told me that I was the first Pegasus pony he had met face to face. He told me that he never wanted to leave his village. He liked the quiet of it and was content to remain there forever if he could. I asked him why then did he join the military. He said he wasn’t given a choice in the matter. The Zebra Empire had instituted a draft and his name was called up to serve. He said that a lot of his friends had already gone off to war so he felt like he had to serve despite having reservations about it. He asked me why I had joined and I told him that I had volunteered after hearing about how much of a threat Zebras were to ponykind. He said that back in the Zebra Empire, everypony knows that you should kill a pony should you see one. He said that everypony there believed the Princesses to be wicked sorceresses who could steal your soul which is why it was the duty of every Zebra soldier to kill as many ponies as they could because it would be a kindness to them than have them wander around as lifeless husks. I told him that we pony’s thought of Zebras almost in the same way. It was then that I came to the understanding of how much this war had warped everything. We didn’t even try to get to know our enemy besides what we needed to know in order to kill them. Had we tried to get to know them instead we might not be in the mess at all. But I knew such a sentiment was too little too late because we were at war with the Zebras right now. Zetes pulled out from his utility barding a small clay flute that had elaborate patterns embossed onto it. He began to play and I listened to this instrument play a haunting melody that made me think back to flying through the summer skies around Cloudsdale. After he was done playing I told him that the song was beautiful and that he played very well. He thanked me and said that his father had given him the flute before he left to go off to war as a way of keeping a piece of his family with him. He was in the process of handing me the pipe when I noticed that he suddenly jerked forward as a scarlet hole appeared on his chest. I screamed loudly as he slumped over muzzle first into my lap, he was breathing laboriously. I pressed my hooves down onto the wound trying to stop the flow of blood but my efforts were in vain. Zetes weakly held up his right forehoof and I held it. He didn’t say a word as I watched his eyes cloud over then finally the embers of his young life went out of his eyes as he died. Looking up I saw it had been Thunderlane who had shot him. Thunderlane quickly rushed to my side as he wrapped his hooves around me. He had been worried when he saw Zetes sitting by me and feared that he would kill me. I smacked Thunderlane and said that he didn’t have to shoot him. Thunderlane looked at me confused as he rubbed his cheek then he said that he had just saved my life from being taken by a horrible Zebra. I felt my anger boiling over inside of me and I yelled at him saying that Zetes wasn’t like that. He actually had made no attempt to harm me. I noticed that his lip was bleeding from where I smacked him and hugged him tightly apologizing for what I had done. Thunderlane held me close to him and said he wouldn’t have known what to do had he lost me. I began to sob heavily trying to hide my face from the other ponies who were watching us. I wasn’t crying because I regretted hitting Thunderlane, I was crying because when that bullet passed through Zetes’s body the last shred of the innocence in my soul died with him. I had felt it die inside of my heart like a baby bird being crushed by a falling rock. I also cried because I had finally regained something far more precious by talking to Zetes and that was my soul. But now it was lost again. I continued to cry as the medics finally arrived to escort me back to our lines. The only thing I could do was hold onto Thunderlane’s hoof afraid that he let go of me my grief would kill me. On that day I learned a hard lesson and that was that innocence never survives in wartime. No matter how much you hold onto it, you cannot protect it from the harsh realities of combat. It is a lesson I wish I had never learned. I stayed in the field hospital for a few days just trying to hide myself from the horrors of the war that raged outside of the tent but sooner or later I was judged to be fit to return to active combat. After Zetes death, I made myself numb to the killing even when I saw more young Zebras like Zetes. I killed them anyway to spare myself more pain and to make sure that these Zebras would not have to endure the horrors of this new and brutal world anymore. The trenches were beginning to have an effect on the Zebras. It was slowing there advance and buying us time to rally the remaining forces of the Crystal Empire. The period after this is a blur to me, I guess I just wanted to forget everything that I was seeing on the battlefield. There are only flashes of sensations that I can recall vividly. Pulling the pin on a grenade then lobbing it into the air, feeling my hooves sink into the blood sodded soil, shivering in the trench then feeling warm as Thunderlane lay by my side. I fought in the Crystal Empire for three years, during my time there I stayed away from home for long periods that seemed to be an eternity for me. It was a self imposed exile even though I was given plenty of chances to return home, chances that Thunderlane eagerly jumped at in order to take advantage of them but not me. I didn’t want to see my son after everything I had done during the fighting here in the Empire. I had made myself numb to any positive feelings that might bring me joy, for me there was only my duty as a soldier that kept me focused. As a result I missed my son’s first, second, and third birthdays. My own family became strangers to me, but I had become a stranger to myself. It was like my body was on autopilot, a cold ruthlessly efficient killing machine. The mind that wandered inside of the corridors of this body was a foreign entity that resembled somepony I once knew as Lightning Dust. Thunderlane and I became estranged from one another. After each time he would return after getting back from his leave and come to visit me. At first he would tell me all of the things that had changed at home with my son, whom he said would cry all night screaming mommy, but these things he told me did not break my already cold dead heart. Thunderlane knew that his wife was gone; all that remained was this Machine in the form of the pony he once loved. After that he stopped visiting me, I only briefly acknowledged him with quick curt nods as we passed by each other in the trenches. So this routine went before the pony that I once was returned to claim her body after one harrowing fight. During the fighting in the Empire, I had been promoted to Captain and given command over a group of our newest recruits. I had the experience of combat the recruits lacked, although they were each very hard fighters. They had all lost somepony in this war whether it was a member of their own family or some friend they had made when they were young. I considered them to be like my own surrogate family, they all called me Nails short for Tough As Nails, the nickname stuck and wasn’t something that I mind being called. I figured it was as good as any name since I had forgotten my own long ago. There was one recruit in particular though who I didn’t really think much of, and his name was Aero. He was stupid and foalish. He never took his duties as a soldier seriously, I once found him lobbing snowballs at other soldiers while hidden behind a barrel then screaming grenade as he lobbed the snowball at the nearest pony to him. I watched as the soldier he hit beat him within an inch of his life before I stepped in to stop this soldier from killing somepony who wasn’t worth it. Aero despite all of these personality problems, Aero did as he was ordered to do when under fire or at least tried most of the time. I once found him sobbing after we had slaughtered a group of Zebras who had infiltrated our trenches and were slitting the throats of ponies while they slept. I asked him why he joined the military; he replied that his father had been a Wonderbolt before the war. But when the war started he was too old to be of much use so he signed up his only son to fight in his stead. Aero said he was just trying to be like his father, somepony who could be fearless but in reality he wasn’t cut out for the whole soldiering thing. Trying to live up to the legacy of somepony else is a hard road to walk. I learned that you had to walk your own path in order to find out what you are really made of. My own life was proof of this fact. We were stationed on one of the outer redoubts that dotted our line; each of these small fortresses was to fixate the point of the attack on our lines so we could kill as many Zebras as we could. It was an effective tactic, perhaps a little too effective in my opinion. Any Zebra soldier that came within our sector was immediately killed. We stacked up a large body count while being positioned here. Maybe this was the reason that the Zebras attacked us with such ferocity one cold night. All of the fighting and discharging of magical weapons in the Crystal Empire had begun to change the weather patterns. Normally before the war the snow of the Empire didn’t make you feel cold but now that was a different story. It had a hard bite to it, and if you weren’t careful would freeze your hooves to the ground. I had seen many ponies that had gone to sleep in the open air of the trenches only never to wake up as they would be buried alive in a snowdrift when we received a freak snowstorm that blew in from nowhere. Perhaps it was like the Windigo’s who caused the weather to snow so heavily as they fed off of the festering hatred that bred easily in this war. Who knows of such things though? The snow had fallen so thick outside our redoubt that it had covered the razor wire we had placed outside of our position. I had at regular intervals placed small tin cans filled with rocks which would jangle if knocked by something. An effective tactic at rooting out small raiding parties that attacked us at night, but ultimately an irrelevant tactic because now those same cans were buried under ten feet of hard snow pack. Asking anypony to climb over the walls of the redoubt to clear the cans was a useless gesture cause as soon as they so much as put a head above the walls of the redoubt they would shortly thereafter finding themselves wanting for a head. So instead I doubled the guard on the nights watch, but asking fresh recruits to stay up during a cold night is not something that is possible for them to do. Young bodies my own included needed as much sleep as we could possibly get and when you snuggled close to a warm fire after having a full belly you just pass out. This is how it was when the Zebras attack us one particularly cold night when the wind howled like frozen timberwolves that seemed to lurk in between the lines waiting to feast on the corpses of those who would be killed when the fighting started again. At first, I didn’t even know we were under attack. The sentries had fallen asleep as they huddled together. Their throats were slit while they slept muffled any pained cries of agony. But the Zebras had grown careless when they saw us as easy prey waiting to be harvested. I awoke to the sound of the bucket I used for a toilet being kicked over as somepony entered the hovel I used as my home inside of the redoubt. When I woke up I found a Zebra soldier cursing as he wiped his hooves off of the feted contents of my bucket. I silently grabbed my knife then quickly lunged at him and buried my knife into his chest before he could make a sound to alert his comrades to my presence. Grabbing the plasma pistol Blossomforth had given to me. I quietly crept around to each one of my soldiers waking them afterwards they quickly responded when I told them that we were under attack. However the fighting began to grow louder as one soldier whom I knew to be Aero began to scream as he fired widely around him. Aero’s panicked screams caused the Zebras outside the redoubt to rush our position like hungry sharks smelling the blood of a fresh kill. The fighting around me wasn’t entirely clear as one of the random snowstorms we had all become accustomed to blew in. I could barely draw a line of sight onto any target except fire at anything that moved. I knew right away that we were not going to win this fight. There were too many dark shapes moving in the storm for me to have any hope of rallying my men to hold their ground. So I ordered them to retreat but there was no place to retreat to. The Zebras had effectively cut the lines in this sector and we were on our own. My soldiers fought bravely but one by one they fell. The Zebras killed all of my men with those who survived fled back to defensive corner of the redoubt. Aero had been one of these lucky few to last this long into the fight. We were running low on ammo but what we lacked in bullets we made up for with the amount of grenades we had. My soldiers began to throw the grenades as fast as they could not really lobbing them in any one particular direction. Soon I could accurately gage the number of Zebra soldiers around us when the grenades went off with a flash of light that quickly silenced the panicked whinnies of the Zebras soldiers who were unlucky to be in the way. I figured that the Zebras must have attacked us with two full battalions of soldiers. It was then no wondered to me that we had been so quickly outmatched by them. Aero was curled into ball at the farthest corner of our position sobbing like a baby foal. While his comrades died bravely around him all he could do was cry. This peculiar scene awoke something deep within me that I had long since forgotten. The Pegasus pony known as Lightning Dust was fighting for control of her body again. But just as I went to grab Aero and pull him to his hooves he suddenly stopped sobbing then grabbed the nearest grenade to him and pulled the pin. I guess everypony has that breaking point when they know Death is closing in for them and there is nothing they can do but resist it. Every time Aero threw a grenade at the enemy it found its mark. The wind and snow around us took on a pinkish hue as frozen blood swirled around us. By this point in the fight there were only a few of us left and that part of me I had long thought had vanished was fighting to regain control of me. Memories of my life before the war flooded my mind and made my eyes tear up. It was difficult for me to fire my weapon when the life that had haunted my dreams suddenly manifested inside of me like a newly lit flame that burned brightly. As I rubbed my eyes of the stinging tears which were freezing to my muzzle, a bullet clipped my brow. Another would have killed me had it not been for Aero pushing me out of the way. He fell on top of me as we toppled over to the ground. I could feel his hot sticky blood soaking through my armored barding. Aero spoke to me softly saying that I had to live and get back to our lines to warn them that the Zebras were coming as he pushed himself off of me, I could see that he had been gut shot, a very painful and a very serious wound if left unattended grabbing my med kit from my utility barding but Aero stopped me and said there wasn’t any time for that now. Looking into his eyes I could see a fierceness that I had never noticed before. He said to me that the blood of his father had finally won out over the war that raged within his own soul. He said he was conflicted about who he was and that after watching me lead him. He decided it was time for a change for once in his life. Aero winced as he grabbed onto the nearest grenade and held it to his heaving chest. I looked and saw that he was leaning against a stack of grenades and the few remaining ammo boxes we had left. He told me that it was time for me to leave and I nodded in agreement as I took a few steps back from him then soared into the air and flapped my wings as hard as I could to put as much distance between the redoubt and me as possible. I never stopped looking down at Aero who held my gaze as long as he could before pulling the pin on the grenade. A huge fireball exploded and turned the redoubt into a massive funeral pyre for the many Zebra soldiers who had got caught in Aero’s final act. The explosion hurled massive chunks of debris and shrapnel that hissed angrily by me. I tried to avoid as many of these as I could but I couldn’t escape from Death which had finally come to claim me. I hurled out of the sky towards our line like a feathery rocket. Both of my wings were cut to ribbons like the rest of my body. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was my left hind leg daggling by a thread of muscle exposing the shattered thigh bone beneath then something hard caught up to meet me. I remember only opening my eyes once after this and hearing what to me sounded like voices talking to me like they were underwater. I could see the dark outlines of the trench I had fallen headfirst into and the ponies who had gathered around me to look at this shattered Pegasus who had fallen from the heavens. The entire part of the line had seen the explosion and the illuminated Zebras who were unlucky enough to be seen by them after the raging fire exposed them pulling away the veil of night that had concealed them in the storm. I closed my eyes and wanted Death to claim me, to take me as far away from all this war and chaos as possible but there was still part of me that didn’t want to die. That part of me I had known as Lightning Dust. She wanted to live, I wanted to live. To see my son’s face again and to tell him how much I had missed him and to hug my husband tightly while I apologized for how stupidly selfish I had been for avoiding him. I could feel pain all over my body. Every nerve pulsed messages into my brain like telegraph wires. I took stock of the damage and knew that I had really messed myself up this time. Even though I wanted to live, I don’t think anything could be done to save me. I was drowning in a sea of wooziness and I knew that this sensation would assuredly kill me. So I thought of something else to keep my mind off of the pain. A picture of Thunderlane holding my son in his arms flashed into my mind and I think this was what I think kept my heart beating as I fought to stay alive. As that memory was swallowed up by the void that was slowly spreading across my mind there was a voice that called out to me, it was voice I recognized. It called my name and I tried to answer it. When I responded to the calling, I felt a warmth spread across my entire body it penetrated deep inside mending all the broken places both physical and mental inside of me. I felt my soul renew itself for the first time in years. All of the toil and suffering was gone. Maybe this is what it felt like to die, all of your burdens stripped away leaving only the good memories of your life intact. I wasn’t scared if this was Death coming to whisk me away. It felt good to die and I embraced it with every single fiber of my being. Then I knew no more after this. The first thing sensation that I registered after regaining consciousness was the feeling that I was well rested. Something soft cradled my head while another covered me with its warm fuzziness. Opening my eyes I saw the patterned tiles of a ceiling above me. Looking around I saw that I was in a room lined with bed and filled with other Pegasi like me most of whom were still sleeping or talking to loved ones who sat by their bedsides. Most of my body including my wings were covered in bandages, turning I saw Thunderlane sitting in a chair next to me while he held my son in his arms. My son who had grown so big since the last time I saw him said mommy to me. That word made my eyes water, and I nickered happily to him. Thunderlane heard me and awoke from his slumber. He smiled at me and said, “Look who is finally awake.” I smiled back as he leaned forward to kiss me. I was about to apologize when he presses his hoof to my lips and said that there was no need for me to say anything, he already knew what I was going to say and that he was just glad that I was alive to be with him. I asked where we were and he told me I was in the Cloudsdale V.A. Hospital back in Equestria. I had been brought here because of the severity of my wounds and that I had been given another medal for bravery while I was unconscious it was then that I finally noticed the medal as it hung around my neck brace. Seeing this made me panic a little and I asked Thunderlane how badly wounded was I? He replied that I had broken practically every single bone in my body when I hit the ground and tumbled into the trench I was found in. Thunderlane told me that it was a Unicorn named Fancy Pants who had saved my life with a megaspell he had learned from the Ministry of Peace that saved ponies from the brink of Death. Thunderlane had been in the trench when I fell into it and watched as Fancy Pants used the spell to save my life. Somewhere I registered the name Fancy Pants, I knew I had heard it somewhere before but couldn’t place a face to the name. Whoever this Fancy Pants was I would have to thank him after I got out of the hospital. I asked Thunderlane how long was I going to stay in the hospital. He told me that my injuries would keep me here for some time to come. That I needed to be rehabilitated in order to walk again as one of my legs had been severed but successfully reattached when I was brought in. I was determined then to get better as soon as I possibly could. I didn’t like hospitals and certainly didn’t want to linger in one for more time than I had to. But for now it was enough for me that I was alive and was with my family far away from any battlefield as a pony possibly could be. > Part Five: Everything Ends Someday > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part Five: Everything Ends Someday Trying to recover from my wounds proved to be far harder than anything I imagined. My military training only provided the drive that fueled my determination to recover fully. I wanted to be able to fly again but in order to do that I had to walk again. Thunderlane visited me often, he had been given leave from the military to see to the recovery of his wife, and this was something that made me very happy. He would frequently visit me while I was in the process of being aided by the physical therapists that were there to help me if I fell over when I was trying to learning to walk all over again. Despite the best efforts of the doctors to keep news of the progress of the war out of the hospital, news managed to find creep its way into the hospital like a sickening miasma. During one night, the normally quiet wing was suddenly awoken with the piercing panicked whinnies of somepony. The nurses quickly flicked on the lights and rushed to the other end of the ward. A Pegasus pony, whose name I have long forgotten had grabbed onto an empty syringe he had fished out of the contaminated garbage. Despite the nurse’s best efforts to pry the syringe away from him, this pony jammed the syringe into his neck then in a wrenching motion he slit open his own throat. I can still hear the gargled laughter of his voice as he drowned in his own blood. There was a smile that spread across his lips of the most profound relief I have ever seen anypony experience. While the doctor’s tried to conceal the details of this pony’s suicide, I did learn from a group of gossiping nurses that he suffered from P.T.S.D. and had lost his entire unit that included his brother, wife, and eldest son who were with him. This event left everypony on the ward a bit shaken and I was transferred to another ward while the nurses cleaned up the mess. There was one piece of news about the war that I took great interest in. Rumble had quit his job at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory and was now working for Stable-Tec. As I understood it, Stable-Tec was in the process of building these massive underground bunkers for anypony to take shelter in should the worst come to pass. To me the idea seemed stupid at first, even if those ponies who did survive in these underground deathtraps what possible life could they live after everything on the surface had been wiped clean of life. But the more I heard about them, the more I became convinced it was the only way I could protect my family should what everypony feared actually become a reality. The next time Thunderlane came to visit me in the hospital; I brought up the topic with him. He was at first not very receptive to the idea. I couldn’t blame him, but after all we had experienced together on the battlefields of this war even he had to admit the situation seemed hopeless. The war wasn’t getting any better in fact it was getting worse day by day. Eventually he came around to the idea, and said he would use his connections with his estranged brother to get us a place inside one of the Stables. This made me feel at ease; at least if something happened we would have a place to go. I am not sure what triggered the nightmares but they slowly started to happen with increasing frequency whenever I slept. There was one dream that I remember rather vividly, I was standing among a crowd of ponies who were standing on what looked like a train platform. I walked up to the nearest pony and asked them what we were waiting for. The pony turned and I was shocked to see he didn’t have a face. One by one the others turned to stare at me, they all had no faces. I tried to look at their flanks to see their cutie marks but they didn’t have any markings on their flanks. The crowd of ponies continued to look at me, even though they didn’t have faces they spoke to me. I could recognize the voices as those I had lost in the war. Aero’s and Zetes voices said why didn’t I protect them from being killed. Zetes accused me of just sitting by while he was killed while Aero angrily yelled at me for leaving him to die. I told them that if I could make them live again I would give anything to make that happen. The crowd of faceless ponies then swarmed me saying that they were going to take the life they deserved from me by force. I shot straight up in bed with beads of sweat dripping down my face. I grabbed a glass of water off of the bedside table and poured it over my head then shook my mane from all of the excess water. I don’t know what brought on that dream but I wasn’t going to let it stop me from getting a good’s nights rest. The nurses began to notice that I wasn’t sleeping that much anymore and they prescribed to me some pills to help me sleep. While in the daytime I was advised to see a psychologist who was going to help me sort out the messed up images in my head. I hadn’t noticed I had repressed so much of what I had witnessed during the war. I knew the war had taken its toll on both myself and Thunderlane. I guess it was only a matter of time before the war warped my mind as well. Every week I went to see the psychologist and things eventually over time got somewhat better. The nightmare’s seemed to happen less frequently as I was able to share my combat experiences. Thunderlane came to visit me one day and told me that he had been able to secure a position within one of the stables near Cloudsdale which had been built specifically for Pegasi ponies. Thunderlane also told me that his brother had apologized for the way he had been acting. Apparently Rumble had a change of heart after he came to visit me in the hospital when I was sleeping. He saw how bad my injuries were and decided that if somepony was willing to sacrifice their very life to defend the way he lived then he was an idiot for questioning the bravery of his brother for volunteering to fight on his behalf. Rumble then appeared behind his brother and approached my bed. He hung his head then looks at me saying that he was sorry for the way he had behaved if I could find it in my heart to forgive the way he acted. I punched him and he fell over, after he stood up I said that now I could forgive him. Rumble nodded and spit out a few of his front teeth. Thunderlane called for a nurse to take a look at his brother while he spoke with me in private. He told me that he had heard some disturbing rumors about how the Zebras were infiltrating major cities in Equestria but for what reason he didn’t say and that there had been signs of activity at their megaspell launch sites. Both of these rumors greatly disturbed me, why would the Zebras possibly want to use their most powerful megaspells? I asked him how he came across this information. Apparently somepony in the Equestrian Government had opened their mouth about it. Regardless of how this information was leaked it confirmed that nowhere was safe if the Zebras could penetrate this far into Equestria. After they left the hospital, I wheeled myself down the hall and took the elevator down to the garden outside of the hospital. Rolling myself down the ramp I stopped by a large tree and watched the sunset. The hospital was able to grow plants because a group of Unicorns had used their magic to make it possible to grow things on a cloud. I had never really bothered to watch a sunset before, funny I have spent most of my life flying through the sky but had never once watched the sun rise or set. I was rather pretty and made me forget that there was a war that raged below me. I guess it is nice to put aside one’s problems to enjoy the simple things in life. The next day I was able to walk on my own for the first time without assistance. It was one step closer that I had taken to getting back to normal. My wings however were a different story; they had taken a lot of damage and despite Fancy Pants fixing some of the worst of the damage they still wouldn’t function as they were supposed to. I couldn’t understand why my wings refused to work for me. I had numerous tests and scans that attempted to find the damage but none of the doctors had an explanation for me. Maybe it was something mental instead of any physical damage my body had sustained. I wasn’t really sure but I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t fly again. Flying is something special for every Pegasus. It is deeply a part of our lives and we spend most of our lives doing it. I wanted to be able to fly again but I was beginning to think that I would never get the chance. Thunderlane did the best he could to try and cheer me up. He would bring me books about Wonderbolt’s in the past and it did fuel my drive to fly again. I started a daily routine of doing wingup’s and tried to build up my wing strength back to what it had been before the war. For some time I kept up this routine until I felt something tear in my back. I rolled around on the floor screaming loudly. I had never felt so much pain before in my life. Even my wounds that I had received in the Crystal Empire didn’t hurt as much as this. I felt like my body was being sheered in half right down the middle. The nurses tried to place me on a bed but I began to spasm all over the floor. I must have passed out after this because when I awoke, I was back in my bed with Thunderlane looking worried at me. My body throbbed from my head to my hooves, and my wings were numb. I looked at him and asked what had happened. He told me that the nerves in my wings had been badly damaged and that because I was working on getting them better I had aggravated my already shot nerves. I couldn’t understand why my body felt this way; it was like it didn’t want me to get better. I tried to get up out of bed and do more wing-ups. My back shot hot pokers of pain like lightning bolts that sprang through my already messed up nervous system. I grabbed my back and began rolling on the floor screaming in pain again, but I was determined not to let some injury keep me from doing what I wanted to do, so I tried to get my hooves underneath me so I could stand but the strain caused me to fall flat on my face as the world was consumed by darkness as I passed out. I was floating through an ocean, the cold water washing over my body as I floated in etheric darkness. I wasn’t sure where I was or even who I was. There was a small light above me the shined brightly, at first I thought it was the Moon but as I saw the images flash across its surface I wondered who’s memories I was watching play like a movie. They were memories that seemed vaguely familiar but I couldn’t put names to the faces of the ponies I saw. Then in a flash I was no longer drifting in the ocean, instead I was back in the hospital looking down at a strange scene. I was hovering over what appeared to be a group of doctors desperately trying to save the life of the pony they were working on. She was a young Pegasus pony who had a turquoise colored coat and whose mane and tail were amber in color. Her eyes had rolled back into her head as her tongue lolled out of her mouth. The doctors were attempting to give her CPR while a charcoal grey Pegasus nearby watched on in horror screaming the name of the Pegasus sprawled in the bed. I could feel a throbbing sensation that vibrated through my entire being; this odd feeling was accompanied by the sound of a heartbeat. The sound was growing weaker with each beat, I didn’t know what this meant but whoever was in the bed below me wasn’t going to make it. Seeing the dying Pegasus’s cutie mark sparked something in my mind. I knew who this pony was, in fact I knew everything about this pony right down to the most intimate detail, and I just couldn’t remember her name. The charcoal grey Pegasus’s cries became panicked whinnies as he screamed at the pony in the bed for whom he clearly cared for. The sound of the heartbeat grew even fainter and I was beginning to feel like a large weight was being lifted off of me. But the look of sadness on the charcoal Pegasus’s face made me want comfort him for some reason that I couldn’t understand. Turning to look at the dying body, it began to dawn on me that this pony may in fact be me and whatever form that was hovering above wasn’t supposed to be out of my body. I desperately tried to reconnect with the dying Pegasus in the bed but found my efforts were utterly useless until I saw something that I thought I would never see. These two alicorn’s approached me as I floated over my failing body. The tallest of the two whose name I could remember as Celestia, her horn was glowing with a golden aura. The aura stretched down to my body then over to me. The physical form below me responded to the magic and I watched as she blinked gazing up at me. I don’t think any of the other ponies noticed me staring up at the ceiling at something none of them could see. There were unspoken words that passed between us through the very air itself. These messages left a clear impression on what was said. My body didn’t want to die, it needed me as much as I needed it. My connection to my body was fading fast as another garbled wave of memories, sensations, and feelings passed between us again. My body was dying, I could feel the fear that radiated off of me and it scared me to think that I was about to lose my own life. The memories that filled my head were of my husband, the frantic Pegasus next to me who’s name I could now remember as Thunderlane but there was more too it. I could also feel the love I had for him and my own son Noctilfire. It made my heart swell with pride that I held such devotion for these ponies. One of the Princesses that I knew to be Luna spoke to me saying that time was running short I had to make a choice. I could either abandon my life along with my body and move on or fight for the life that was quickly slipping away from me. When I asked where I would be moving onto Luna refused to elaborate more. When I asked how did this happen to me, Princess Celestia told me that it was an old Zebra spell of the blackest magic that had lain dormant inside of me like a ticking time bomb. This explained why no matter how much I worked at getting better the evil spell prevented me from recovering fully and now the spell had entered its final stage as it was about to kill me. One final wave of pleading messages passed between my soul and my body looking down at myself I noticed my eyes had changed. They softened and began to fill with all of the fear I was feeling as tears streaked down the sides of my cheeks soaking the pillow my head rested upon. I watched as my ears slowly drooped then lay flat against my head, my body raised my left hoof upwards and held it aloft pointing directly at me as an imploring gesture for my soul to return to it. None of the other ponies working on my body seemed to notice and I figured that this scene wasn't for them, it was about me, and only me. My eyes spoke of how desperately my body desired to live. In that moment I felt everything so intensely, I can scarcely form this feeling into words. I felt all of my emotions and memories wrapped into a tight bundle that closed around me. Gazing down into my own eyes I saw that they were begging me to come back, and I knew to refuse this meant I would never see my family again. As the lids of my eyes began to close all the while my gaze was fixated on me, the sound of my own dying heart echoed in my ears. I knew now what choice I had to make and so I made it. Floating down to my body, I gently grasped my ghostly hooves around the raised forehoof of my body and then I was gently whisked back into my body. I felt pleasently warm as I settled into the comforting weight of my own body again. I took this to mean that my body approved of the choice I had made. The doctors who just know noticed that my eyes were open looked confused. One of them said that my vitals were returning to normal. All of the pain I had felt was gone. The crowd of doctors and nurses slowly dispersed with only a few remaining beside me. Thunderlane pounced onto me and tightly squeezed me. As he buried his muzzle into my neck he said that he was worried that he was going to lose me. When he asked what had happened to me I said I would tell him later but for now I was tired and needed some rest. I silently thanked the Princesses for bringing me back to be with my family, I don’t think I could have made it without their help. As I closed my eyes I felt Thunderlane climb into the bed next to me. The attending nurse allowed him to spend the night with me and I slept soundly without the interference of any more near death experiences and nightmares brought on by dark magic. The day after this was to be the last day of my life. What happened on that day is something I will never forget. Thunderlane had to leave the next day as his unit was being stationed in Manehattan, he promised to come and visit me as soon as possible. He had left our son with his brother who had suddenly become our child’s favorite uncle. The day was particularly fine as I recall, after my brush with Death the nurses had taken another batch of tests and determined that my wings were strong enough for me to begin to use them again, how this was possible they couldn’t say but it didn’t matter to me. They went onto say that I could go home within a few weeks during which time they would observe me to make sure that I hadn’t injured myself when I was rolling around on the floor the previous day. I had been given the latest copy of Daring Do by one of the nurses who knew that I was a big fan of the book series after I had briefly spoken with her before. I started to read the book when from outside there was a brilliant flash that caught my attention. The air pressure seemed to change as the glass on the windows shattered sending large slices of glass flying across the room impaling some of the nurses and patients. There was something wrong with the air, it surged and pulsed with such ferocity but then my body started to feel like it was on fire. Every part of my body was scorched and I screamed my lungs out as the pain spread throughout my body but then I didn’t hurt anymore. The extreme heat had seared my nerve endings. I could smell my own flesh and feathers as I was being cooked alive. Then I thought back to what Thunderlane had said about the Zebra activity at their launch sites but then my mind changed to concern for Thunderlane. Was he caught in a similar attack and what about my son? Would he die because of this? I wanted to find him and get him into a Stable but I my vision was fading then the world disappeared and I disappeared with it. Afterwards the first thing I knew was that I was lying on some sort of surface. It was neither hard nor soft it simply had appeared beneath me. Opening my eyes everything was bright and the only word I could use to describe this location was that everything was White. I no longer smelled like burning flesh and because I could feel my nerves if I had any were working just fine. Standing up on what I assumed were my own hooves I took stock of my surroundings. The White stretched all around, there were no discernable contours to the space I found myself in. I wasn’t entirely sure where I was but I knew I had changed somehow. I felt lighter and looking down at my hooves there seemed to be a faint shimmering light that radiated off of my own body. Ahead apart of the White had slid open and through the space beamed a bright Light. I drew me forward into it and then my surroundings changed from a vague White space to a sun swept field. I noticed that around me wandered other ponies who seemed just as confused as I was. I sat down on my haunches trying to think of what this place reminded me of but I couldn’t think of any place I had seen or been to that reminded me of this place. Next to me in the air appeared a shimmering shape that slowly took the form of Thunderlane. He landed next to me with a thud and staggered around trying to understand where he was. When he saw me he quickly galloped up to me and asked where were we. I replied that I had no idea where we were then I asked what was the last thing he could remember. Thunderlane thought about it for a few minutes then replied that he was in Manehattan when suddenly he saw a flash then a huge mushroom shape cloud that appeared over the city’s skyline then he felt really hot then after that nothing. I told him I was in Cloudsdale reading when I saw the same flash then I was in a huge White space afterwards. Thunderlane said he too had been in the same space that I had described but I don’t recall seeing him or any pony for that matter. As the both of us explored this field I began to see familiar faces waving to me. When I rushed over to them I saw Zetes, Aero, and all the ponies I had once commanded in the Crystal Empire. When I asked where we were they replied that they couldn’t say. When I realized I was talking to a group of dead ponies I recoiled and backed away from them. I thought I was dreaming them and that I they weren’t really standing before me. Zetes assured me that they were very much real and that I wasn’t dreaming. A strange question then formed itself in my mind and I as was about to ask it. Aero said to me, “Geez Nails, you haven’t figured it out yet? Your dead just like us.” When he said the words your dead, it wasn’t something that everypony is prepared to hear but somehow I knew he was speaking the truth. It was then that I noticed each of them shimmering in what I guessed to be sunlight. Their coats radiated the same odd light that mine was also giving off. When I asked them why we were here, they replied that this was just the beginning of something far greater. This Place, wherever it was so much bigger than I could image. Behind my comrades appeared others I hadn’t seen in a long time. Both my mother and father were standing there, they said that they had come to escort me to a place they only described as Home. When I noticed that my son wasn’t with me I asked my parents were was he. They replied that he was not here because he hadn’t died. This gave me some relief that Rumble had taken my son into one of the Stables before the worst had happened. My son was alive and that was all that mattered to me. My parents told me that I would see him again when it was his time to come here but for now they had something to show me. They led Thunderlane and I through a forest and when we emerged on the other side, let’s just say maybe being dead wasn’t going to be so bad after all. I cannot say how long I have been waiting here for my son to come to me. Time is a funny concept to those who have crossed over to this Place. But we can see through those who have survived us what their lives have been like. I watched my son grow into a fine stallion, his life wasn’t always filled with happiness but seemed more often than not it was filled with sadness. Noctilfire eventually married and had a daughter. I wish I could have been for there to see my granddaughter’s first steps and celebrate her first birthday together, but these things could never be. Equestria had changed since The Last Day, it wasn’t a land filled with beauty but instead had become a twisted version of itself. Ponies lived, died, and struggled just to survive. In those early days so many came here after just giving up hope and thus their hold on life others shambled around as a undead but as a living mockery of the ponies they had once been. Others who had died refused to acknowledge this fact and wandered the wastes trying to connect with anything that made them feel alive again. Cloudsdale was gone, my home for so long didn’t exist anymore. There were so many other cities that had been turned into radioactive ruins when the bombs went off. Even glorious Canterlot had been turned into a nightmare straight from the depths of Tartarus. Rumble eventually joined us here in this Place, he told us of what had become of our beloved Equestria and those who still walked upon its soil. Eventually after a long time my son Noctilfire joined us. At first he didn’t recognize me, it had been so long since he had seen me he had nearly forgotten about me. But slowly he remembered who I was and told me how much he had missed me as well as his father. He said that the remaining Pegasi who had survived the magical holocaust caused by the balefire bombs had formed into the Grand Pegasus Enclave. Those who knew that my son had been born from Lightning Dust had picked on him throughout his life, this harassment also extended to my granddaughter when she became old enough. This wasn’t exactly the legacy I had intended for my family. I had tried so hard to make amends with the ponies I had hurt and tried to redeem myself with every life I had saved but in the end my shame was a shadow I couldn’t out run and now my grandchildren would forever bear that shame. I watched as countless generations of my family lived and died with the burden I had placed unwittingly upon their shoulders. It broke my heart to know that there was nothing I could do but merely observe as they struggled to define their own identities separate from the one the overall arching identity that they became associated with. They were Lightning Dust’s descendants, my family, and my blood. There was nothing they could do to escape that fact. So now I wait for somepony in bound to my bloodline to redeem my family’s good name. Thunderlane says that there will come a day when the name Lightning Dust won’t be a badge of shame for my family but instead as something to be honored. I am not so sure, in life I was never able to apologize to the one pony who had been the cause of why I tried so hard to push myself to make a change for the better. Any opportunity to do this in Death had eluded me yet again. Rainbow Dash never appeared here like a few of her friends did. She is lost to them as much as she is to me. Wherever she is I want her to know how deeply and profoundly sorry I am. If she could ever forgive the way I acted I could rest easy knowing that at least all that time I spent trying to make a difference in not only my life but in the lives of those ponies I came to know wasn’t in vain. Perhaps one day I will see her again but not yet. Not while my family walks with the disgrace of an event they weren’t responsible for creating. My expulsion from the Wonderbolt Academy it seems will haunt me in death as it did in life. My family is chained by this legacy and there is nothing I can do to stop it. My name was Lightning Dust, and this is was my life. Take whatever lessons you can find here, if I might make one suggestion though it is never do anything to others you aren’t prepared to regret for the rest of your life and afterlife. For now I must wait for that day when my good name will be redeemed. I hope that this day will come soon, an eternity in regret is no way to live. The End.