I Thought White was for Virgins

Royal Kitchen, Canterlot Castle

“I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

Luna blinked a few times, slowly glanced down at her mug of tea, and then looked back at her dark reflection.

“I’m sorry,” Luna said as she raised the mug to her lips to take sip. “Could you repeat that please?”

“I’m going to ask Celestia to marry me.” Nightmare-Moon said as Luna took a sip.

The lunar princess promptly sprayed her mouthful of tea forward in a rather spectacular display. Later historians would credit it as the third best spit take after the one Shining Armor did upon finding out about his illegitimate daughter and the one Applejack did upon Granny Smith announcing she was pregnant.

“You’re going to do WHAT!?!”

Nightmare rolled her eyes and said for the third time. “I am going to at a later date request that Princess Celestia join me in matrimony.”

Luna placed her mug on the island in the kitchen and placed a hoof on either side of it as she looked the crazy mare that used to live in her head in the eye. “Why?”

Nightmare shrugged. “Why not?”

Luna gaped for a moment before saying, “Because you tried to plunge the world into eternal darkness!”

“We tried to.” Nightmare corrected her. “And have you felt any urges to burn down the sun recently?”

Luna’s nose scrunched. “Well… no.”

“Neither have I.” Nightmare said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Luna sighed and rubbed her temple. “Listen Nightmare, I get that you and Celestia are in love, but you’ve barely broken the news of that to anyone. And now you want to marry her?”

“I’m afraid I fail to see your point.”

“Listen, I know Celestia and there’s no way in Tartarus she’s going to have a small, quiet wedding. It’ll be a huge affair, with streamers, live bands, a huge guest list, and no doubt a cake bigger than a carriage.” Luna sighed again. “I’m sorry Nightmare, but maybe you should wait a while.”

Nightmare shook her head. “I’ve been waiting. I waited all that time with you on the moon. I waited all that time, floating around dreams. I waited all that time in the Everfree. I’ve waited long enough.” she sighed and looked at Luna with determination. “I’m not waiting any longer. I’m going to go get a ring and I’m asking her tonight.” the dark alicorn turned and began walking to the door. At it’s edge, she paused and looked back. “If she says no, then I guess you’ll get your way. But if she says yes, she can have the biggest cake she wants.” and with that she left.

Luna sighed and slumped forward. She picked up her mug once more and took a sip of the warm tea, swallowing it this time.

“You’re going to regret saying that.” she muttered after Nightmare-Moon.

Celestia’s Study

Nightmare-Moon stood before door to Celestia’s study, nervously pacing. There were no guards to bother her, she had used a spell to put them to sleep and shaped their dream to be one of standing in a hall. She would have congratulated herself on such a maneuver had she not been so nervous.

Pins prickled her fur as she began sweating, falling into her habit of grinding her teeth when she was agitated. What was she doing here? Was she really going to ask the never-aging goddess of the Sun and the ruler of an entire country for her hoof in marriage?

Nightmare looked down at the golden circlet she had purchased. It looked so… generic. Something hardly worthy of a street vendor’s proposal, much less a proposal to a being like Celestia.

Nightmare nervously rubbed her hooves together. She shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe, just this once, she should take Luna’s advice. Maybe she should wait…

A sharp rapping startled Nightmare from her thoughts. It was a moment before she realized her hoof, as though of its own innovation, had gone and knocked on the door to Celestia’s study.

Nightmare bit her lip, entertaining the idea of bolting, when a soft voice emanated from behind the wood.

“Come in.”

Nightmare gulped and found herself pushing the door open, walking in as though she hadn’t a care in the world while on the inside she was sweating like a reforming sex addict in a brothel during Happy Hour.

Celestia’s study was well furnished, one of the benefits of being the leader of a large country. The carpet was soft and plush, the curtains, stirred by the evening breeze, were velvet. Her desk was massive, proportional to her own size, and had a few ornate souvenirs from the alicorn’s long life. A tall, lone candle stood, flickering slightly from the cool air coming in through the doorway to the balcony, as it gave light to Celestia’s work.

“Ah, hello Nightmare, what can I do for you.” Celestia said, glancing up from her work.

Nightmare paused to take in the scene, trying to calm herself down. Celestia had a rather impressive stack of documents on her desk, and a long, vibrant red quill poised above one of the many sheets of parchment, ink beginning to bead on its tip. A pair of reading glasses sat on her nose, making her look like some sexy politician. It wasn’t an easy look to pull of, but Celestia did it without even trying. Stupid sexy Tia…

…Nightmare may have lost her train of thought.

“Hello, Equestria to Moony, come in.” Celestia said, smiling as she rested her head on a hoof.

“What?” Nightmare said dumbly as she came out of her daze.

Celestia giggled. “Ah Moony, I guess your ‘Celestia is bored out of her mind’ sense was tingling, hm?”

Nightmare offered a weak smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

Celestia giggled again and placed the quill back in the ink well. She sighed, “Ah, at any rate, I was bound to stop actually reading the fine print. I’d love to just skip over it and read the cliff notes, but sometimes ponies sneak these little things in there and well…” Celestia sighed again, this time more wearily. “I accidentally banned Apple Cider in three major cities and sanctioned the cutting of the Manehattan Guard budget last week. I’m still trying to sort that mess out.” she pulled her glasses off her face and rubbed the bridge of her nose with a hoof. “Ah, but enough of my troubles, what was it you wanted, dear?”

Nightmare-Moon stared at Celestia for a time before she realized she’s been asked a question. She’d been so caught up in worrying about somehow moseying her way around to the topic of marriage that’d she had barely listened.

“Hm? Oh, right, uh…” Nightmare coughed. “Uh, Celly, do you remember when, er, that guard captain and the shipper got married?”

Celestia smirked. “You mean Shining Armor and Cadance? Yes, I remember that. Pretty hard to forget the day my kingdom was invaded and my capital nearly fell.” the alabaster alicorn’s expression darkened.

Nightmare winced. Okay, not a good example. she thought. I need a way to bring the conversation to the place I want it without muddling it.

“Yeah, that. Uh, how are they doing now?”

The corners of Celestia’s mouth twitched upwards. “You don’t know? Oh, you are going to love this then…”

One Long and Odd Tale Later

“…And that’s when my brain rebooted and I nearly destroyed Twilight’s Library.” Celestia finished with a flourish.

Nightmare-Moon tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows raised in a quizzical manner. “I’m sorry, why were you looking at Ponyville in a crystal ball again?”

“That’s the question you want to ask?”

Nightmare sighed. “Listen Celly, maybe I should stop beating around the bush here.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What’s on your mind Moony? I swear there’s practically anything you can talk to me about.”

Nightmare opened her mouth.

“Except anything regarding Luna’s sex life or anything similar relating to Luna.” Celestia interjected. “There are some things I just don’t want to know.”

Nightmare scowled for a moment, but quickly regained her composer. She opened her mouth once more and raised a hoof, her movements speaking of purpose. But her voice died halfway out her throat and she practically deflated. Sighing and silently cursing herself, Nightmare said, “Have you ever been married?”

Celestia blinked in surprise at the question. She thought for a moment and then said, “No. Not really anyway. I might have gotten married in Las Pegasus once while in disguise and really drunk.” a smile appeared on her face. “Funnily enough, the mare that married us was a Celestia impersonator. She was really good too. I tracked her down later and hired her so she could read my speeches back to me.” Celestia sighed, “Ah, that’ll teach me to let Luna plan and oversee Shining and Cadance’s honeymoon. But, to simply answer your question: No, I’ve never been married before.”

Nightmare nodded. “Alright. Have you ever, you know, considered it?”

Celestia looked thoughtful again. “Yes, I suppose. Hasn’t every mare considered it at one point?” Celestia gave Nightmare a puzzling look. “What’s got you so interested in marriage all of a sudden?”

Nightmare-Moon gulped. This was it, no way around it now. “Well, the thing is, I…. Ah, to Tartarus with it.”

Nightmare bent down, withdrew the ring from inside her ethereal mane, and offered it forth. “Princess Celestia of Equestria, will you marry me?”

Celestia stared at Nightmare-Moon. He violet eyes occasionally flashed down at the ring that had been offered forth, but they always quickly looked back at the nervous and sweating alicorn.

The silence was deafening to Nightmare’s ears. It was torture, the silence. It was almost physically painful. Nightmare hated it. It reminded her of the moon…

The carpet muffed the sounds of Celestia coming out from behind her desk. She came forward slowly, approaching the kneeling alicorn. She lowered her head until it was level with Nightmare’s own. The dark alicorn’s breath came a little quicker than she would have liked as Celestia stared at her, Nightmare refusing to meet her eyes.

“Moony.” Celestia said softly, gently using her hoof to raise Nightmare’s chin. “Look at me.”

Nightmare resisted for a moment, but her teal eyes soon met Celestia’s violet.

“Yes.” Celestia said simply.

“…Yes?” Nightmare repeated, sounding as though she wasn’t sure she had heard correctly.

“Yes.” Celestia said, louder this time.

“Yes?” Nightmare felt tears in her eyes as she rose from kneeling.

“Yes!” Celestia cried happily, kissing Nightmare on the mouth before the black alicorn could say anything.

Nightmare broke the kiss, breathing heavily. “I… I… I don’t know what to say.” she blinked as the tears began to blur her vision. “I… Thank you!” she grabbed Celestia in a hug. Celestia giggled and returned the hug.

“Oh!” Nightmare said as she pulled back from the hug. “The ring.” she offered it up to Celestia.

The alabaster alicorn squealed with joy and took the offered circlet, holding it up to the light to admire it. “Oh Moony, it’s beautiful!”

Nightmare-Moon blushed. “Not as beautiful as you.”

Celestia laughed and pulled Nightmare close. “Oh, you sweet talker.”

She kissed Nightmare again, more passionately this time, moaning softly as she parted her lips and allowed her tongue to slip forward. Nightmare responded in kind, her tongue dancing with Celestia’s own, each slick muscle fighting for dominance. Celestia moaned again as she pulled Nightmare with her as she backed up against her desk. The black alicorn got the idea, pushing against her lover, forcing her up onto the desk.

“Wait, wait…” Celestia said, panting as she broke the kiss and held Nightmare away with a hoof. “My guards…”

“Off in la-la land.” Nightmare said, panting as well.

Celestia grinned. “Oh, I should have known. A beautiful assassin has snuck into my castle, disabled my guards, and now has cornered me. Oh, whatever will she do to me!” Celestia feigned distress, throwing a hoof over her forehead.

Nightmare grinned wickedly. “Oh yes, Princess. I have cornered you. But fear not, my sweet, for I am not here for your life.”

“Oh, assassin, what are you here for?” Celestia cried.

Nightmare wetly licked her chops. “Your virtue.” she snaked her head forward and nipped Celestia’s throat.

“No!” Celestia cried in a manner that would have made any soap opera actor proud. “You wouldn’t!”

“Oh, but I would. And I shall!” Nightmare laughed wickedly as she kissed and licked her way down Celestia’s body.

“Noooooooooo!” Celestia said, her voice warbling as Nightmare nipped her. She began crying melodramatically. “But- but I was to save myself for my wedding!”

“Ha!” Nightmare scoffed, still in-character. “All you have done is to make this sweeter for me, my princess!”

“Scoundrel!”

“What the buck are you two doing?”

Celestia and Nightmare-Moon, the black alicorn’s head poised near Celestia’s nethers, froze and turned their heads to the doorway. In it stood Sunshine, captain of the Night-Guard, looking the least threatening Celestia had ever seen in her rather frilly nightgown.

“We were, uh, you know…” Celestia blushed hotly. Nightmare began sweating again.

Sunshine just rolled her eyes. “Listen, do whatever you feel like, just close the door and cast a sound spell so I don’t have to hear it.” the pegasus turned and trotted off.

Nightmare chuckled nervously and closed the door with her magic, casting the sound proofing spell so no sound would escape the room. Once that was finished, and she managed to stop sweating, Nightmare turned her attention back to Celestia.

“So, princess, now that I’ve dealt with the interloper, shall we pick up where we left off?” Nightmare said, getting back into character.

Celestia grinned broadly and spread her wings. With a grunt, she pushed herself and Nightmare off of her desk. The two playfully fought for dominance as they stood near the desk, front hooves still entwined. Celestia forced Nightmare back and the black alicorn tripped on something or another that lay on the floor, sending her falling backwards onto a large couch. She let out an ‘Oomph!’ as Celestia landed on top of her.

“No, assassin,” Celestia said, her voice taking on a predatory tone. “It shan’t be you taking my virtue. I think it will be I that shall be taking yours!”

Nightmare gasped. “Y-you wouldn’t dare!” she said, putting a stutter in her voice. “You don’t have the balls!”

Celestia’s face split into the most terrifying rape face Nightmare-Moon had seen yet.

“Ooh… a very poor choice of words…”

Nightmare allowed a grin to quickly flash across her face.

She was going to get so laid!

Ponyville Park, Ponyville

Three Months Later

Twilight Sparkle sighed contently as she relaxed on the red and white checkered cloth that had been spread out on the grass. The sun was warm on her flank and the chatter of her friends was strangely relaxing.

It seemed like months since she and her friends had taken the time to sit down and enjoy a bright, sunny afternoon in Ponyville Park. There were no changelings invading, no terrorists holding government buildings, and there certainly weren’t any gun battles raging in the streets. Yes, it was an unusual day, but a nice one.

Of course, nice days don’t make for nice stories.

Twilight was rudely shaken from her tranquil state by the sudden appearance of a magical ball of fire erupting beneath Rarity’s flank. The Fashonista was sent flying into the air, only to crash land on Twilight. The two ponies laid there, chest to chest, a fraction of a second too long. Rarity quickly leapt to her hooves, her face flushing as red as the apple she had been munching on a moment before and coughed nervously.

If Twilight or anypony else thought anything suspicious of that, they chose to disregard it in favor of examining the scroll that had accompanied the ball of fire.

Twilight raised an eyebrow as she snatched up the scroll with her magic. “Huh, that’s weird. The Princess keeps sending me mail using everything but Spike.” as she pulled the red string off the scroll, Twilight looked around. “Where is Spike, anyhow?”

The other five ponies collectively shrugged, Rarity whistling as she fanned her face, trying to make the red go away.

Rolling her eyes and muttering about owls, Twilight pulled open the scroll proper and began to read.

“Hello, you have been cordially invited to wedding of… Princess Celestia!?” Twilight said in disbelief.

Her friends crowded around her.

“The Princess?” Fluttershy gasped.

“She’s getting married?” Rainbow Dash said, befuddled.

“Imagine the party!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly.

“Imagine the dresses!” Rarity chimed in, her blush subsiding.

“Imagine the catering!” Applejack said, already getting the Ah-am-gonna-make-so-many-bits look in her eye.

Twilight was silent, her eyes roaming the page.

“So, whom is the Princess marrying?” Rarity asked.

Twilight didn’t answer right away, eyes still going over the scroll. After a time, she looked up at her friends, her mouth hanging open.

“She’s marrying Nightmare-Moon.” Twilight said, sounding like she didn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth.

Her friends were silent for a time, before Applejack said, “Want to run that one by us again, Sugarcube?”