> What Am I? > by Immortan Joe > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Prologue: The Man in Red > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What am I? No really, what am I? This is a question I’ve never actually asked myself. To look at my reflection in a puddle of freshly poured rain and ask, “What am I?”. At that time I never thought of doing so because I thought I knew what I was. I thought I was Starry Sky, a pegasus mare born and raised in a small patch of land known as “Pasture Hills”. The pony who was chosen by her beloved master to live in that big house just outside the city over the hills and live the rest of my days happily ever after. Or at least, that’s what I thought I was, for a few years. {Prologue} It all started a few years back. I was having a dream. No, a nightmare. A terrible nightmare that always happened the same way every time. I was trapped. My hooves and wings were bounded to a metal table, my eyes were covered along with my mouth. The rag that shielded my vision smelled foul, like a moldy piece of cheese, the stench burned my nostrils. I heard something, no, someone enter the room. Whoever it was, he was giggling, almost madly when he spoke, "Well now, what do we have here?” Already I knew who it was, the Red Man. My heart began to race, and I began to wriggle and writhe beneath my binds. “Ha, ha, ha, try all you want you smelly animal, but you ain’t getting out of those,” The man taunted. Already I had started to sweat, usually I’m unable to understand his gibberish. Yet for some reason the gibberish that dribbled out of his mouth had formed itself into cohesive words that breathed their toxic meaning into my head. I twisted and turned, but I couldn’t pull myself free. I started to whine and cry, yet my anguish only seemed to add fuel to my abuser's fire. I felt something rough glide along my lower leg and snake its way up my stomach and toward my chin. It was his hand. His thick, hard hand gripped my lower chin. I could feel his presence towering above me, his heavy breaths drifting down and onto me. He chuckled and and let go of my chin, only to slide his cold fingers beneath the rag and yanked it forcefully off my face. The darkness that once shrouded my vision was suddenly replaced by a blinding white light. I whined loudly and went to close my eyes. Only to be interrupted by a rough smack across my left cheek. My head recoiled to the side and I let it hang there, refusing to look at him even as my eyes adjusted to the light. A choice that quickly ended in pain as he grabbed hold of my ear and yanked my head around to face him. He was short compared to the others, though he still towered over me. His body was chubby, yet his face was straight and sharp. The fuzz that wrapped around his chin and mouth and to the top of his head was an evil red. The man’s eyes were small and blue, his nose short and stubby. He was smiling wickedly at me, as if he had won an award. “Now, now deary, it’s time to wake up,” He cackled. I whined once more and tried to close my eyes. Only to have my face become well acquainted with his hand, the sharp pain burned my cheeks and I screamed as the world swirled around me. “I said wake the fuck up!” His hand met my other cheek, he took hold of my neck and forced me to look right into his small beady eyes, seemingly glowing as the room behind us lost definition until all was left but us and the dark void. “Today’s going to be another good, good day!” He said as his maniac laugh faded into the darkness. ________ I had woken with a start at the sound of the Red Man’s laughter, horrified, my eyes darted across my new room in hopes of seeing where his laughter had come from. There was no one to be seen, I was alone. Yet, this laughter I heard continued. And slowly, it grew in volume from a muffled banter to something that sounded like it was only a wall away. My heart began to hammer against my chest, and sweat began to drip down the side of my head. Suddenly, I felt something wet and warm form beneath me. I was then overwhelmed with humility, for that I had relieved myself in my room again. My new master wasn’t going to be pleased with me. Another laugh forced me back into reality, and I heard a door open from the outside. The sound of chattering voices and bubbling laughter heading right for my room. At the time I couldn’t understand them, instead all I could make out was simple gibberish. My previous nightmare forgotten at the idea of my master finding me with my bed soaked in my own urine. I began to quake with fear at the thought of my inevitable punishment. I needed to escape, to hide someplace in which the Red Man couldn’t find me and avoid my punishment. Yes! That was exactly what I needed to do, hide! I got up from the urine soaked bed and quickly looked for a spot to hide. Trying to find a hiding spot in my room wouldn’t be too hard, it was big. Well, big enough for me that is. I turned to face my wet bed, and took another quick glance around my room. On the far end was a large green thing my master always sat on when he came to visit and I thought there would be the perfect spot to hide my mistake. So I hopped over my wet bed and began to push it towards the object. “Staaaar!” I heard a familiar cheerful voice shout from behind my door. At the sound of a distinct click, and in my panicked state my hooves became tangled in the fabric trailing behind me. I released a startled cry as my face squished into the drenched sheets. Before I could’ve made a single movement, my ears were met with a disatisfied groan. Immediately my ears flopped to their sides and I already felt a fresh wave of tears begin to form around the corners of my eyes. I had ashamed myself right in front of my master, again. I twitched as I felt something wrap itself around my sides and hoist me up from my mess. Whatever it was it turned me around and I was surprised to see my master smiling in front of me. He started by saying my name, and the rest of it was again just gibberish to me. Though by the tone of his voice, he didn’t sound angry with me. He brought a hand up to my face and I flinched. My master quickly retracted his hand and looked at me with a confused expression, slowly he brought his hand back and stroked part of my mane out from in front of my eyes. Confused by what was happening, a tear dribbled down my cheek as I began to cry softly. I wasn’t crying because of the shame of wetting my bed, nor the guilt from trying to hide my mistake. I was crying because I had thought my master was going to be angry with me and ...punish… me. Just like how the man in red would. > Chapter 1: Good > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I couldn’t move my hooves and the space around me was dark. Terrified beyond belief I could barely feel my wings. I was short of breath and was beginning to lose all sense of self control as the panic began to set in. Then came a noise, a whistle really. Somewhere beyond I could hear someone whistling a disturbingly calm tune. Then came a loud creaking noise and the whistling halted. “Well now,” a voice filled with sarcasm greeted me. My heart immediately froze. It was the red man. “I’ll be damned.” I could hear his footsteps echoing towards me. “You’ve gotten bigger.” I jolted when the tips of his fingers touched my hind leg as he gently began to rub it. “I take it that man of yours been treating you well?” His hand left my leg and traced over my belly. “What’s he been feeding you?” He pinched my stomach and caused me to wince. He laughed and continued on speaking, “You see, Star, I’ve always liked you.” The man’s finger pinched me harder as he lied right through his teeth, I heard him chuckle lightly and he let go of my stomach. His hand began to slowly make its way up my body, his fingers gently grazing over my coat, a shiver forced its way through me. “You never talk back to me,” he pouted, “like you do to your stupid man.” I had to restrain myself from snapping at him from calling my master stupid. He must’ve noticed my anger and tapped my cheek through the cloth around my head. “Then again, that’s probably because you’re too fucking dumb to understand a single word I’m saying.” He laughed out loud and gave me a hard slap across the face. A flare of pain shot through my skull and I yelped. “Whelp!” Suddenly, I felt his fingers dig into the cloth as he ripped the bag right off my head. The bit of cloth behind my head pulled me upwards, only to slip out from underneath me and caused the back of my head to slam against the table. I whined quietly. I felt his firm hands grasp me by the chin and force my head up. “Come on now, look at me.” I kept my eyes shut, the pain nearly brung me to tears. “LOOK AT ME!” The man shouted, reluctantly I did as he said. He looked slightly different this time around, I noticed that his red hair was now littered with grey strands here and there and that the bit around his mouth had been cut off. Dark wrinkles had formed under his eyes, yet that cynical smile had never left his face. “Good.” He gently brushed my mane out from my face. “You might be smarter than you look,” He taunted and patted my cheek once again, he leaned back. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t sleeping now, alright.” He turned away from me and grabbed ahold of a foldable metal object that he placed beside me and sat on. He took a deep breath. “It’s been a long time hasn’t it, Star?” I didn’t answer. “How long has it been?” He brought a hand to his chin. “What... five years? I think.” He looked to me for clarification, however, I didn’t answer. “Come one, Star, don’t be this way.” He frowned. “I’m just playing that’s all.” ‘Sure you are,' I thought, 'and I’m just playing dumb.’ The Red Man sat up and turned his seat sharply, the metal screeched across the floor as he faced it directly towards me. “Now you listen here,” he leaned towards me and snarled into my ear. “I don’t know what’s got you in such a sour mood.” ‘I don’t know either’, I wanted to say, ‘my first thought was because I was tied up... but I don’t know.’ The man took me by the cheeks and squished them painfully together. “But you better straighten yourself up you little bitch.” He smiled and used his other hand to gently run down my side. “Or I’m going to have to teach you a lesson.” He stopped right where my left wing was and lightly stuck his hand under me and pulled it out. My eyes widened when he gently pressed his thumb and index finger on each side of my joint. He looked at me and smiled slyly. Slowly, he began to massage my joint with his thumb by tracing around its edges. I shuddered and my forehead became damp with sweat, and I began to feel an odd sense of pleasure. The man saw this in my face and smiled. “You like this don’t you?” He asked speeding up the process. I bit my tongue and tried to stop myself from answering him. “Come on now, I just want to hear you speak. I know you can talk.” He chuckled and moved his hand further down my wing, I closed my eyes and whined quietly. He stopped and surprisingly, I felt a wave of disappointment. “What was that?” I opened my eyes and saw that he was cupping a hand to his ear. “Did I just hear you moan?” The man laughed. “Well I’ll be, you liked it didn’t you!” He knelt down and got closer to me. “You see it wasn’t that hard now was it?” He whispered, I glared at the man and began to feel a sense of anger rising up from within me. “You like me pleasuring you don’t you–?” He took my wing again and began massaging it. “–You like how I touch you, don’t you?” I grimaced and without any second thought, I spat in his face. “Gah!” The man let go of me and stumbled back. “Why you–you little shit!” Immediately I felt a wave of regret. I had done something bad. Very bad. The man wiped his face and fired daggers at me, his eyes shot back at my wing. The dampness in my forehead had now became large beads of sweat, I looked at him and pleaded with my eyes. “Oh... you’re sorry?” He looked at me with gentle eyes. I nodded my head rapidly. He smiled and began to walk back towards me. “Well, if you mean it.” He placed a hand on my head and stroked me lightly and went back to touching my wing. However, there was something different with how he treated my wing. The pleasurable feeling was gone and before I knew it, excruciating pain fired throughout my left side. “GAAH!” I cried. The man gripped my wing with all his might and twisted it violently downwards, a horrific snap rang in my ears and my vision became red. The room filled with the sound of my screaming voice and the man yelling at me. However, despite my screaming there was one other voice I could hear reaching out to me from the voice, and that voice was saying: “Star, wake up.” [Chapter 1] I rose up from my bed with a startled cry and someone holding onto me. My eyes shot from left to right. However, all I could see was darkness. Although the pain I felt in my dream wasn’t real, I could still sense the throbbing coming from my left wing. “Star!” I heard the familiar voice of my master. I felt something soft run across my back, I released an audible gasp and flung myself around. Only to be stopped by my head making contact with my master’s nose. Both of us grunted and recoiled backwards, I fell onto my bed and brought both of my hooves to my snout. Thankfully, I hadn’t hit him hard. However, that didn’t stop me from feeling guilty about it. I heard him snort in the darkness and a sudden blue light appeared from out of the object he held in his hand. From the light I could see the outline of his head and how he held his free hand to his nose. He pulled the hand back and I noticed the red sticky string stretching from his nose to his hand. My eyes widened in fear when I realized I had made him bleed and I could just faintly see the look of shock on his face. I became scared. I had never hurt my master, nor have I ever made him bleed. I got onto my belly and shuffled myself into the corner of my bed and did my best to curl up. To make myself as small as possible and disappear. I was soon to receive my punishment. However, I was positive it wouldn’t be my typical time out. It would be something worse, like breaking my wings worse. The throbbing feeling returned to my left wing and I stifled a cry. I could already feel the tears rounding the corners of my eyes. The light shifted as my master stood up, he turned and shined the blue beam over to a large wooden object where he kept his belongings and walked over to it. He got a hold of a few soft, white squares and wiped his nose and hands with them. When he was done cleaning himself he plugged both of his nostrils with them and shone the light onto me. I yelped and buried my face between my quivering hooves. My entire body rattled with fear and I could hardly keep my teeth from chattering. I heard him chuckle lightly, which I swore sounded remarkably similar to how the Red Man laughed. “Star?” His tone quickly changed and sounded a lot softer than his laugh. “Star?” He repeated sounding almost worried, he walked over to me. I couldn’t see him but I could feel him hovering over me. Finally, I broke and my cheeks became drenched with tears as I cried. I attempted to push myself away, but my back made contact with the wall. I was trapped just like in my nightmares. “Star?” He continued to say my name. Each time he sounded more and more concerned. I felt his hand brush against my mane and press gently onto my head as he began to caress it. He started to whisper something to me but I didn’t know what. I didn’t put much thought into what he was saying. The entire time all I could think about was why I hadn’t received my punishment yet. If this were the red man things would’ve already been done and over with. Yet my master sits in front of me and tries to comfort me? Master continued to whisper to me softly while the tips of his fingers glided along the back of my neck. I had finally stopped crying when I realized that he trying to punish me. ‘Maybe he did see it as accident after all?’ I could still feel some sort of tension in the air and the way master stroked the back of my neck was slightly rougher than usual. Was he bothered by something? His hand traveled down from my neck to my back. I cooed quietly as his fingertips drifted down my spine. I lowered my hooves and raised my head up, this was usually my favorite part of the day. Whenever my master had free time we would sit around and lay against each other while he scratched me behind my ears. Sometimes he’d even have snacks for me, yet this time felt a little different compared to the others. Through the darkness I could see him looking down at me with a smile. Then he frowned. I instantly became confused when he tilted his head and mumbled something under his breath. He took his hand off of me and pulled out the blue light and shined it on my back, before I knew it his hand reached for my wing. “You like how I touch you, don’t you?” I heard the Red Man taunt me. Panic tore through me and I threw myself away the moment I felt his hand graze against my joint. The throbbing pain in my left wing started to return and my breathing escalated at the sight of my master jumping to his feet. “Star!” He nearly shouted, a shout in which I couldn’t tell a difference between anger or shock. He took a few steps towards me. “Now, now don’t be that way.” I could hear him, his voice not too far away from me. My bones began to rattle. “I don’t know what’s got you in a such a sour mood now.” My master reached out towards me. I backpedaled away from him, my rear struck the wall a whimper escaped my lips. I started to quiver uncontrollably. “Star?” Master said to me. “Now listen here, bitch, you better straighten yourself up.” My master raised an opened hand. “Or I’m going to have to teach you a lesson–” I released a sob filled cry and lunged forward, the left side of my body made contact with my master and I accidentally knocked him over. However, the fear that overwhelmed me blinded my thoughts and the only thing coursing through my mind was that I needed to get out of there quickly. I straightened out my legs and looked around the dark room. Searching for some kind of exit, but I couldn’t see one. The room was dark and the only door I could see was the one that was always locked. The one my master only knew how to open. I heard a groan behind me. Looking back I saw him clambering back onto his feet. He said something under his breath and he wiped his mouth with a sleeve of his shirt. I sat back on my haunches and pushed myself into the nearest corner. ‘What have I done?’ I started to panic uncontrollably, ‘Now I’m really going to get punished! I hurt master and tried to escape from him!’ Tears welled up in my eyes and the rivers began to flow, I fell flat on my stomach and wailed into my forelegs. ‘Why was this happening now?’ I had always had dreams of the redman, occasionally once a week. But every day now? This... this was new to me. The Red man wasn’t real! Yet I could hear him now. In my head talking to me. “You got that right.” I released a shuttered filled cry into my leg, my tears soaking my coat and pooling onto the floor. “Star?” My master called my name, he scrambled towards me and dropped onto his knees. I let out a startled cry and tried to push myself further into my corner. “Star!” He took both of my front legs, I screamed and tried to pull away but he held strong. He called my name once more and leaned forward, he released my hooves and wrapped both his hands gently around the side of my head. He forced me to look at him. What I saw next confused me greatly. My master wasn’t angry nor did he not have some sort of psychotic joy like the Red Man. Instead, he looked frightened. Almost as terrified as I was. Though, behind that terrified look I could ever so barely make out concern. Concern for me. His hands tightened just a little bit around my head so that I couldn’t look away. Yet I could feel his index fingers gently stroking behind my ears. For some reason this seemed to calm me and I looked at him, not out of fear, but with wide, tear soaked eyes. He released one side of my head and scratched right below my chin, I snorted when he found a small ticklish spot and I couldn't help but smile. He took note of my smile and laughed while continuing his assault. I squealed and tried to push away but he only seemed to press on further. Before we knew it, both of us were lying on the floor rolling about like foals. My master continued to tickle me relentlessly and I was unable to do anything to stop him aside from running. But, seeing how small the room was, it wasn’t hard for him to not fall behind me. I stumbled over my own hooves and I fell on my side laughing uncontrollably. Finally my Master stopped his attack and settled down next to me. “Good Star.” I heard him praise me before he wrapped an arm around my side and turned me to face him. He smiled at me and gently ran his hand up my cheek before ruffling my mane. “Good.” Good...? It wasn’t often I heard this word. Half the time he always said it to me whenever I did something he liked. Like going to wherever he told me to, or stopping when ordered me to, other times when he said it I even got a treat. So... I guess it was good. Yeah. I looked my master right in the eye and I gave him a big smile. “Good.”