Prologue

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The pale light from the moon shone down upon a grungy alleyway. The wind blew an old, rotting trashbag across the ground. A cat screeched off in the distance, but the mare in the silver fedora paid it no mind. She focused her eyes upon the alleyway before her, raising her head as her gaze moved down the alley, across the street, and into the nightclub that lay beyond.

The night was perfect for a stakeout.

The mare tilted her head to the side as she listened to the blaring music and loud cheers coming from within the building. She took a step forward, her trenchcoat billowing in the soft breeze as she reached for her—

“I’m so boooooooored, Ammy!”

Amethyst Breeze, Private Investigator, sighed, removing her fedora with a frown. “Ember, I told you that you could wait back by the restaurant, but you wanted to be here for the action.”

A pale yellow pegasus flapped over beside Amethyst while glaring at the unicorn. “Yeah, for the action. Not for you standing around like some heroic action… hero…” Ember finished lamely.

Amethyst snorted. “And you call yourself a smooth talker.” She reached to the device hanging around her neck and lifted it to her eyes. The binoculars clicked as Amethyst’s vision zoomed, narrowing down to look through the window of the dingy bar.

Inside sat several stallions, many mares, and even a few foals. A family bar, Amethyst noted. That would make things a bit more difficult.

“So, uh, are we just going to stand out in the open? It’s kind of chilly out…” Ember shook her red mane while she adjusted her beret and pulled her ever-so-chic scarf tighter around her. “Oh, and it’s also kinda conspicuous, two mares standing in an alley all creepy-like.”

Amethyst growled. “Fine.” She coolly strode out onto the sidewalk that bordered the main road. Then, quick as a flash, she slipped behind a bush and crouched confidently. She turned to the other mare, cocking her head to the side.

Ember took her time as she sauntered over to the private eye. A passing stallion turned his head and gave a long whistle. Ember tossed her mane back and blinked her long eyelashes at him before reaching Amethyst.

“Okay, when we get back to the office, you are so going to have to look up the definition of ‘stealth,’ because I’m pretty sure you have no idea what it means!” Amethyst hissed.

“'Stealth: Cautious and surreptitious action or movement.'” Ember smirked. “I know what it means. I just don’t need to employ it. Have you even seen my mane? Stallions eat it up!”

“Grrrr…” Amethyst pointedly ignored her partner as she resumed gazing into the nightclub. She lifted the binoculars up to her eyes once more.

“Okay, it looks like we’ve got a couple bouncers at the door… Barkeep has a buzzer under the counter… You can tell, just by the way he keeps glancing over at that drunk guy and how he’s positioning himself at the bar. He’s uncomfortable and antsy. Couple of stallions in there, but I don’t see our guy yet…” Amethyst gazed about the room, eyes set in total concentration as every bit of her willpower focused in on—

“Is it my turn yet?”

Amethyst groaned as she smacked her hoof into her face. “Ember. Use your brain and exercise your Celestia-given right to remain silent.” She looked back into the bar.

“...Your face’s right to remain silent…”

“What was that?”

“Nothing!” Ember smiled brilliantly, blinking her eyes.

Amethyst resumed her scan of the club. “Not him… not him… not him… Wait, I think that’s him!” A gangly yellow earth pony stallion came into her view, and her binoculars froze on him. “Orange mane. Freckles. Really thin. Stupid dorky hat and vest. It’s our stallion.”

“Sooo… does that mean that it’s my turn? 'Cause you really need to practice your sharing more. Now’s as good a time as any!”

Amethyst lowered the binoculars and took a deep breath. “Ember, this isn’t something to take lightly. Mrs. Cake trusted us with finding out about Mr. Cake’s nightly excursions, and it is our responsibility to ensure—hey!”

In a split second, Ember had swiped the binoculars from Amethyst and started hovering several feet above the bush they were supposed to be hiding in, her wings flapping lightly. She blinked.

“Is that him? I can’t imagine why any mare would want a piece of—” Amethyst yanked her overly enthusiastic partner’s tail using her azure magic. She dragged the startled pegasus back down into the bush with a yelp.

“Keep it down would you?” She said in a harsh whisper. “This is supposed to be a stakeout! You raise your voice any louder and you’ll give away our position!”

“Seriously! You messed up my tail!” Ember whined, dropping the binoculars to clutch at her slightly messed-up hair. “Aww, now I have to re-curl it when we get back to the office…” She glared at the unicorn. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Amethyst rolled her eyes, ignoring her friend’s plight as she secured the binocular’s strap firmly around her neck and raised the binoculars yet again. She narrowed her eyes and watched as Mr. Cake sat down at a table across from a pink poofy-haired mare.

“I think I might have something,” Amethyst mumbled, clicking the binoculars a few more times. “She’s facing away from me though. I can’t tell who it is.”

As Amethyst watched, the pink mare leaned across the table to whisper into Mr. Cake’s ear. Mr. Cake scrunched his eyes up before nodding. He reached around behind him to put a small bag on the table. The pink mare bounced up and down suddenly and put another bag on the table. Amethyst could tell by the way it sagged that the bag was full of—

“Bits,” Amethyst said. Suddenly, Ember jerked her hard to the side, forcing her to press up against the yellow pegasus as she took the binoculars by force. Ember looked through them, nearly choking Amethyst.

“Oooo, a conspiracy!” Ember said, sporting a grin now. “Things are heating up! I wonder what they’ll do next.”

Amethyst struggled for a moment before pulling herself out of the strap. She frowned deeply as she adjusted her fedora back onto her head. “Yes, well, in any case we need to figure out what’s in that bag. Bits probably, but maybe something else that he's giving to our mystery mare.”

“Mystery mare no more! I know her! That’s Pinkie Pie!” Ember said, continuing with her goofy grin as she leaned forward. “Mr. Cake is hittin’ it with the Element of Laughter! Yeah, that’s it, lean in closer… Ooh...”

Amethyst took the binoculars back, tucking it into her trench coat as she smacked Ember on the back of her head. “Keep your mind on the mission, Ember. Did you even hear a word I said?”

“Get the bag from Pinkie Pie, yeah I heard you,” Ember grumbled. “You know, if we just wait a little bit and catch them in the heat of the moment… That would probably work best for us!”

“Mind on mission. Not in gutter. Anyways, we need physical evidence to strengthen our case,” Amethyst said, turning towards the bar. “Give me a second to think.”

Amethyst considered her options. The target still sat in the booth, sorting through his new bag of whatever illicit materials he had just procured, while his contact, accomplice, marefriend, or whatever walked away from the booth and sat at the bar. She sorted through the bag with an inane grin on her face.

“Okay, here’s the plan. Right now, all we have to go on is what little we’ve seen. We don’t have proof, and we don’t know anything that we can bring to the client. And if somepony hadn’t dropped our camera, I wouldn’t have to suggest this, but I think we have to—”

“Wasn’t my fault… It was that stupid rock…”

“—we have to get whatever’s in those bags.”

Ember did a double take. “Wait, what? Like, steal them?”

“Yes, steal them. I know, it’s wrong, and we could get in trouble, but—”

“This is the best case ever! Usually you yell at me whenever I suggest taking something, or knocking somepony out, or drop the camera, but this time I get to take stuff, and you’re telling me to do it!” Ember fell to the ground and giggled like a filly. She then stood up and dusted herself off. “So, do you want me to seduce him and get his stuff?”

Amethyst looked at the other mare, totally unamused. “No. You’ll take Pinkie. We’re here to prevent infidelity, not cause it.”

Ember nodded. “You’re right. This flank is just too sexy and tempting. Better to seduce Pinkie instead.”

Amethyst facehoofed once more. “No. Just… no. Get the bag, and get out. I’ll handle Mr. Cake. No seducing, no snogging, and no knocking anypony out. I’d tell you not to break the camera, but it’s too late for that.”

Ember pursed her lips. “Spoilsport.”

“Just get the bag and I’ll stall our suspect.”

“Fine.” With that, Ember headed for the bar and Amethyst raised her binoculars, this time uninterrupted.

Ember was able to get in through the front, Amethyst noticed. She made it past the bouncers, or low-paid sleepy security stallions, as the case may be, with a casual flick of her mane. They opened the door right up for her. At the same time, the pink pony stood up from the bar and started walking for the exit. Perfect. She turned her gaze just in time to witness Mr. Cake heading for the back exit. She lowered her binoculars and crept toward the back door.

Pinkie Pie was bouncing to the door, a happy yet oblivious expression on her face when Amethyst saw her suddenly bump into somepony, causing the contents of her bag to spill out all across the floor.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” Ember said to the party mare, bending down to pick things up with her teeth.

“Aw, it’s okay,” Pinkie said, beginning to pick things up as well. “Sometimes, bumping into ponies is the best way to make a new friend!”

Amethyst smirked. She may be annoying at times, but Ember could get the job done when it counted. Amethyst cracked her neck as she gazed at the front door. She stood up against the wall, the light from the streetlamps blocked by the building next to her. The detective smirked again… and waited.

A moment later, Mr. Cake stepped out the back door, turning to leave but stopping as Amethyst’s shadowed figure approached him. “Mr. Cake, I presume?” Amethyst asked. She could tell exactly what the stallion was thinking. Noticing her silver fedora and trenchcoat silhouetted against the faint light from the lamps. Trying to recognize her, but failing. Fearing.

“Y-yes, but who’s asking?”

A badge suddenly levitated out of the mare’s pocket—covered in an azure magical aura as it presented itself. “Amethyst Breeze, Private Investigator. I recently set up shop here in Ponyville. I’m just curious as to what a family stallion like yourself is doing at a family bar without a family at this time of night,” Amethyst said, cocking an eyebrow. “Seems kind of strange.”

Meanwhile, back in the bar Ember had almost finished picking the contents of Pinkie’s bag up. “I really am sorry though Pinkie, I can be such a klutz sometimes.” She batted her eyelids at the earth pony, who seemed to not notice, until—

Pinkie’s sudden gasp caused Ember to take a step back. At first, she felt afraid that she’d been caught, but then Pinkie was an inch from a face. “You know my name, but I don’t know your name! Are you new here in Ponyville? Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie! But I guess you already knew that. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe we have another new pony! I mean, I thought something was going on because I got a twitchy eye the other day and my Pinkie Sense never lies, but anyways, how would you like it if I threw you a welcome to Ponyville party?”

Ember blinked a couple of times and tried to process everything the hyperactive pink mare just said before giving a smile. “Um... sure?” And with that the mare was gone. Ember blinked a few times, before looking down at the bag she managed to pick up before Pinkie. “Doesn’t matter, got what I wanted.” She grinned. “Darn. Didn’t get to do any seducing though… Ammy’ll be pleased. Drat.”

Back in the alleyway, Mr. Cake backed up against the wall beside the door. “There’s nothing strange about it!” Mr. Cake said as his eyes jumped back and forth between Amethyst and the open alleyway behind her. “I just had some things I needed to take care of.”

“Some things. You know, back in Manehattan they are a lot less tolerant of cheating stallions.” Amethyst smiled grimly as she saw her words take effect.

A look of horror spread across Mr. Cake’s face. “Cheating? What? I would never!”

“Oh don’t play coy with me, Mr. Cake,” Amethyst said, poking a hoof into his chest. “We saw you in there! Mrs. Cake hired us to find out what you’ve been up to, and I’d say a meeting with the Element of Laughter in a family bar in the dead of night qualifies as ‘suspicious!’"

“What?!” Mr. Cake said, looking angry now. Amethyst took a few steps back as Mr. Cake stammered. “You’ve got it all wrong, Ms. Breeze! All I’m really doing is—”

And then the door opened, smacking directly into Mr. Cake’s face and rendering him immediately unconscious.

“Ammy!” Ember yelled, holding the door open with her hoof. “I got the goods! Did you—” She glanced behind the door all of a sudden, letting out a low whistle. “Wow, Ammy, you really did a number on him! I thought you said no knocking anypony out though. Not fair...”

Amethyst simply stared at Ember for a moment, her eye twitching slightly as she resisted the urge to facehoof.

“J-just… Let’s just get him down to the office. Might as well ask him some questions…”

***

“I still can’t believe you knocked him out…” Amethyst closed the office door behind her as she dragged the slumped body of Mr. Cake into the office.

“Hey, it was an accident! Anyways, you were supposed to knock him out! I guess you shouldn’t trust a unicorn to do a pegasus’ job.” Ember leaned up against her desk while examining a slightly chipped hoof. She met Amethyst’s glare with a grin. “Seriously. Get your head in the game, Ammy. Or in the gutter and out of the mission, as you said earlier.”

“That’s not what I—Oh, never mind.” Amethyst leaned the poor stallion up against a wall. “Anyways, I was never going to hit him! We don’t do violence! Violence isn’t the answer!”

Ember blew out a snort. “‘Violence isn’t the answer.’ Listen to yourself! As Sun Zoo said in his masterpiece, The Art of War, ‘If violence isn't the answer, you’re asking the wrong question.’” The pegasus nodded sagely.

For the third time that night, Amethyst slapped her forehead with her hoof. “I don’t even know how to reply to that…”

“There is no reply. Sun is the master, especially if you read it in the original Saddle Arabian.”

“He wasn't even Saddle Arabian!” Amethyst shouted, slamming a second hoof to her forehead.

Ember gave her partner a quick hug and a smile. “Aww, it’s past somepony’s bedtime! Widdle Ammy, are you gwumpy when you’we tiwed?” She pinched the unicorn’s cheek.

“Just… go talk to the client while I set Mr. Cake up in the interrogation room…”

“Alrighty!” Ember skipped off into a side room, leaving Amethyst to stare down at the drooling stallion.

“Sweet Celestia, why does this always happen to us… Or at least to me…”

She dragged Mr. Cake and set him down on the stool inside what passed for the team’s interrogation room. A single table, with two chairs on one side and a stool on the other, sat in the middle of the room. Three of the walls were bare, but the fourth bore a one way mirror, behind which would be seated Mrs. Cake.

“Alright, Ember. Let’s get this show on the road.” The pegasus strode happily into the room and slammed the door.

Amethyst grabbed a cup of water from the table and splashed it into Mr. Cake’s face. He sputtered, coming to wakefulness.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Mr. Cake,” Amethyst said calmly with a serious expression on her face as Mr.Cake looked around wildly.

“What…? How did… Where…?”

“We’ll be the ones asking the questions, Mr. Cake. It’s simply your job to answer.”

Mr.Cake blanched for a second before sputtering and pointing a hoof at the two mares. “You assaulted me! You knocked me unconscious!”

“Actually, that was a door,” Ember spoke up, looking sheepish. “And an accident. Didn’t know you were on the other side. Sorry.” Amethyst glared at her, but she continued anyways. “But that’s not why we’re here! What we want to know is why a married stallion is out so late at night seeing other mares?”

Mr. Cake froze in his seat, some sweat beginning to form on his brow. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t been seeing other mares…”

“I suppose you wouldn’t know anything about this either then.” Ember threw a bag onto the table, causing Mr. Cake to gasp. It made a sound akin to coins shifting around onto the table. “Where did you get that?! I gave that to—!” He quickly covered his mouth with his hooves.

“Pinkie Pie. We know,” Amethyst spoke up, levitating a bag next to her. “And she gave you this in return, didn’t she?” She tossed the bag onto the table alongside the other bag. It made barely any noise as it touched the table.

“Those could have come from anywhere…!”

“Oh would you just cut the crap?” Ember spoke, suddenly slamming both hooves onto the table as she leaned forward to look Mr. Cake in the eyes. “Just be a stallion and own up to what you’ve been doing! That’s at least a lot more interesting than playing a clueless coward who’s afraid to look his own wife in the eye, isn’t it?!”

Mr. Cake shifted his gaze nervously back and forth between the two mares before finally letting out a wailing cry and shouted, “OKAY, I ADMIT IT! I’VE BEEN PLANNING A SURPRISE ANNIVERSARY PARTY FOR MY HONEYBUN WITH PINKIE PIE FOR WEEKS NOW! I JUST WANTED TO MAKE HER HAPPYYYY…” He erupted into tears about halfway through his shouting.

Amethyst nodded her head, smiling at the stallion. “See, isn’t owning up to what you’ve done better tha—” She paused for a moment as her brain took a moment to process everything he had just said. “Wait...what?”

Ember blinked, before withdrawing herself from the table, and uttering “...Oh.”

Suddenly, the door to the interrogation room burst open as Mrs. Cake galloped in and embracing Mr. Cake in a massive hug.

“Ohhhh, Sugar Bear! I should’ve known better than to doubt you! I am sooooo sorry!”

“I’m sorry for being so secretive honeybun! I should’ve let you know what I was up to!” The two held each other for a long time, exchanging nicknames for each other and looked on the edge of tears.

Amethyst turned the bag with the coins upside down… And a huge pile of Monopoly money fell out. “Wha—”

“Pinkie was giving me the invitations tonight, but she wanted that toy money that the babies had taken to play with back in return! She said she’d been reading some spy novels and wanted to set up a big spy meet, so I decided to humor her! Oh, I’m so sorry Sugarbooger!”

Amethyst grimly emptied the other bag too. A pile of pink invitations bearing the huge words, 'YOU’RE INVITED!' spilled out. “Oh boy.”

Ember looked like she was about to vomit as she gazed at the two slobbery ponies across the room. She stayed silent for a moment, but she seemed to be mustering up the strength to ask something.

“...So... we still get paid right?”

The two broke their love fest for a moment to speak to each other in hushed tones before turning to the two mares.

“No!” They both shouted in unison, causing Amethyst and Ember’s ears to fold back against their heads.

“Poop,” Ember said, kicking at the floor with her hoof and receiving a punch in the side from Amethyst in turn.

Part I

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PONYVILLE, 9AM

Morning had dawned upon Ponyville clear and bright. Pegasi flitted about the sky to attend to their early cloud-clearing duties, earth ponies were up much earlier tending to their crops already, and many other ponies trotted through the streets going about their daily chores.

This would normally be around the time that Amethyst Breeze, Ponyville’s private eye detective, along with her partner Ember, would be up and organizing the paperwork, as well as heading to the bulletin board to look for any new cases that may have been posted…

...If she weren’t currently fast asleep, facedown and drooling on her desk, that is.

“Snrrk, huh?” Amethyst awoke with a start, papers flying from the desk as she sat upright. Her eyes squinted, adjusting to the morning light. She yawned, stretching her legs out as she shook off the drowsy feeling that came from waking up after a deep sleep. She winced and let out an annoyed snort as she felt a twinge of pain from her neck. She must have slept on it in an awkward position. With a deep sigh, she allowed her gaze to drift down to the desk upon which she had fallen asleep.

Arranged before her, albeit messily, were papers detailing their finances and savings. And from each and every single one of them the word “BROKE”, capitalized in red with about three underlines beneath them, jumped out at her. Well, that wasn’t the complete truth. Amethyst had done the calculations last night, and if she was right they had about six bits left.

Six bits was all she had to her company’s name.

Amethyst rubbed her temples with her hooves, face planting onto the desk again as she tried to rub away a growing headache. Maybe moving shop to Ponyville hadn't been such a good idea after all. It had looked like an excellent idea, on paper at least. Small town with trade routes to other small towns nearby, all without a single private investigator among them. Tiny police department, close proximity to a deadly hazard, and enough crazy antics from its citizens to make any competent mother quake in her shoes just to think about her children living in such a chaos-prone area.

Then why were there no cases? Amethyst groaned, letting her forehead thump the desk. Maybe it was time to consider—

Just then, the front door burst open, amplifying Amethyst’s headache by about twenty times. “Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning, Ammy!” Ember’s voice rang through the office, causing Amethyst to cringe.

“Must you be so loud?” Amethyst yelled, massaging her temples.

“Awww, widdle Ammy-Wammy didn’t get much sleep last night did she? Actually—” Ember’s gaze wandered around the office, noticing papers strewn everywhere “—did you even go home last night?”

Amethyst’s horn lit up as papers in her magical grip started to fly about the room, organizing themselves and putting themselves away. “No. I was too busy budgeting our finances,” Amethyst said with a scowl.

“Eww. Numbers.” At this, Ember smirked, reaching behind her and pulling out a cup, which she placed on Amethyst’s desk.

Amethyst stopped sorting papers, her ears perking up as she sniffed. “What’s… that?” She pointed at the cup.

“Moonbuck’s Quadresspresso,” Ember said, looking smug. “Thought I might stop by and pick you up some. Good thing I did. Looks like you need it.”

Amethyst’s mind raced. She quickly went through a mental list of Moonbuck’s coffee prices, all of them coming up as being rather... expensive. And a Quadresspresso sounded at least four times worse...Amethyst was silent for a moment.

“...Ember?” Amethyst asked, her voice calm.

“Yeah, Ammy?”

“How… how did you pay for this?”

“Oh!” Ember’s ears perked. “Well I knew they were having a sale this morning, their new line for half off! That’s only three bits each! So I went ahead and took six bits out of our funds, and I bought us both a cup.” As she said this, she produced another cup. She held it in her hoof, gesturing towards Amethyst. “Cheers? C’mon, you know you need it. You’re always cranky in the morning.”

Amethyst couldn’t respond. Her eye started twitching like mad though, and she suddenly started stalking towards Ember with an almost predatory gleam in her eye.

“I… NEED… it?”

Ember, suddenly much less confident in her choice, folded her ears against her head as she took a few steps back. “Uh… yeah… y’know… help wake you up and… stuff?” She smiled meekly. “I knew I should have gone to Dunkin’ Joe’s…” Amethyst’s scowl only deepened.

“Do you know what I NEED, Ember?”

“Air? Food? Sleep?” Ember stifled a grin. “Potty time?”

Amethyst bared her teeth. “That. Was. A. Rhetorical. Question.”

Ember gulped.

“What I NEED is money. Money pays our bills. MONEY pays for this building we’re currently running out of. MONEY,” she shouted as she got up in Ember’s face, “is what keeps us from becoming HOBOS ON THE STREET. MONEY IS WHAT KEEPS US GOING! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?!” Amethyst’s mane and horn began sparking with electricity as she ground her teeth together. Ember’s eyes bulged.

“YOU SPENT THE ONLY MONEY WE HAD ON TWO CUPS OF COFFEE, BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!”

Ember gently offered her cup of coffee to Amethyst. “…If it makes you feel any better, you can have mine too?”

Amethyst took several deep breaths, her mane and horn continuing to surge with power. She started shaking, and she grabbed Ember around the neck with her hooves.

“I AM GOING TO M—”

“Um… excuse me, is this A&E Investigations?”

Amethyst and Ember looked over to the doorway where a yellowish earth pony stood. Her mane and tail were two tones of red, one a deep red and the other almost pink. Her cutie mark was a lone rose.

Nopony moved for several seconds. Amethyst remained with her hooves wrapped around Ember’s throat, and Ember looked like she might cry.

Then, quick as a flash Amethyst shot over to her desk and bore a smile. The sudden action caused Ember to fall to the ground with a rather loud crash, since Amethyst had been holding her up. Amethyst ignored it. “Why, yes it is! How can I help you?”

The pony watched as Ember flailed on the floor for a moment, sending papers flying everywhere once more before she shot upright as well, sporting an equally big smile. “How may we help you?”

The mare backed up a bit, looking shocked. “I...hope I wasn’t interrupting anything?”

“Oh, not at all!” Amethyst spoke up, waving the comment off with a hoof. “My partner and I were just having a bit of a… discussion!”

“Oh… okay. I… really don’t know the protocol here.”

Ember smiled, walking over to the mare and placing a hoof on her shoulder. “Why don’t you take a seat over here and tell us what’s going on.” She guided the client over to chair across from Amethyst’s.

“Thank you,” she said, taking her seat. “Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning.”

“That would be best,” Amethyst muttered, grudgingly taking a long draught from the Quadresspresso. She almost dropped the cup, and turned to Ember, eyes wide.

Ember took a sip of her own and nodded, mouthing, “Goooooood…”

“Well, it all started about two weeks ago. I run a flower shop, you see. ‘Roseluck’s Bouquets.’ I’m Roseluck, by the way.” She gave a shy smile.

“Pleased to meet you Roseluck, I’m Am—”

“It’s a delight to meet you, Rose! I must say, your store is lovely! I’ve walked by before, but haven’t had a chance to stop by.” Ember batted her eyelids, completely ignoring the fact that she’d cut Amethyst off so rudely. “My name is Ember, and this is my colleague Amethyst.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Rose smiled more broadly now.

“Please, go on. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Ember gave a smooth grin as she pulled up a chair beside Roseluck and slipped into it, all the while looking into Roseluck’s eyes.

“Thanks,” the other mare replied, giggling and adjusting her mane. “Anyways, it started at the shop two weeks ago. I’d come in early in the morning to open, around six since we had a shipment coming in, and the whole place had been turned upside down.”

Amethyst took another sip of coffee. “Thieves. What did they take?”

Roseluck turned her head. “What? No, there weren’t any thieves.”

“But you just said that they turned the place upside down,” Ember said, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, I did. What do thieves have to do with that?” Roseluck asked, gaze flitting between the two ponies.

Amethyst set the coffee down and put her head in her hoof. “I think I missed a step. You came to the shop, and you found what exactly?”

Roseluck sighed. “It’s just like the police all over again. Okay, let me slow it down. I came in at six. The place was upside down. I freaked out.”

“Wait. When you say that it was ‘turned upside down… Do you mean that metaphorically, like saying ‘I turned the place upside down looking for it,’ or something like that?” Ember asked slowly.

Roseluck shook her head. “No. Literally, everything in the store was turned upside down.”

Ember dropped her coffee, spilling it all over her scarf. Amethyst blinked, leaning back in her chair.

“…Huh?”

“Oh, let me help you with that!” Roseluck pulled out a handkerchief from her saddlebag and handed it to Ember, who gave a small smile in thanks while still wincing from the burn as she wiped away the spilled coffee.

“Pony breaks into store… Turns everything upside down…” Amethyst muttered as she jotted down some quick notes. “Ember spills half of the company’s money…” Ember shot her a glare.

“Yeah it doesn’t make much sense to us either,” Roseluck said as she climbed back into her chair. “But it’s rather annoying and, well, I’d rather NOT have to re-plant all of my flowers every morning, so if it’s not too much trouble?”

“Wait. Every morning?” Amethyst gazed over her notepad as she chewed the eraser of her pencil.

“Yeah, they come back every night and do it again. And not just to me! There are several other stores that get hit too.”

Amethyst looked over to Ember, who had turned her head to give Amethyst a look that said ‘really?’ “Let me consult my associate.”

Amethyst picked Ember up in her magic and carried her back into the interrogation room with her, shutting the door behind them.

“Of all of the weirdest things…” Ember mumbled, looking annoyed.

“A job’s a job,” Amethyst said, frowning a bit.

“Still, this is like… who does that?! It’s not just weird, it’s… how is that even a crime? Are we even getting paid for it?!” Ember poked her head out of the interrogation room. “We are getting paid for this, right? She may be hot, but that doesn’t mean we work for free.” Ember shook her hoof. “Speaking of hot…” She blew on the slightly burned hoof.

“Oh, grow up,” Amethyst growled. “Let’s ask her. If she can pay, I say we take it. Because, frankly, we don’t have any alternate revenue streams at this present juncture.”

“That’s Fancy for, ‘We’re broke,’ right?” Ember asked.

“Eeyup.”

“Oh, good. Glad that part of me can still guess what you mean or want.” She glared at her partner pointedly.

Amethyst sighed. “Sorry.” She then exited the room and walked back up to Roseluck.

“Miss Luck,” she began.

“Oh, please, call me Rose.” The earth pony looked directly at Ember. “All my friends do.”

“Okay then. Miss Rose, I have to be honest with you. We’re a business. We have costs and expenses. If we’re to help you out, there would be a fee. BUT. If we help you, we won’t stop until this… fiend… is caught. When we finish with him, he’ll never bother you or your fellow businessponies ever again.”

Roseluck met Amethyst’s eyes. “That’s all I need to hear. Just let us know what it takes. The police couldn’t help us, so we’re willing to do whatever it takes to get this creep gone.”

“Perfect! Miss Rose…” Amethyst puffed out her chest as she spoke. “The A&E Investigations is on your case! Now we just need to fill out the paperwork!”

“Aaaaaaand that’s my cue.” Ember walked over to her chair, sat down and pulled out the latest issue of ‘Modern Mare’ as Amethyst set a massive sheaf of paper down upon the desk.

PONYVILLE MARKET SQUARE, 11AM

The sound of Roseluck’s door chime filled her store as the three mares entered. “I’m going to need to check for hoofprints, if there are any. Usually amateur criminals leave behind telltale... hoofprints…” Amethyst’s voice trailed off as they were met with the innards of Roseluck’s store. True to her word, every single thing in the store that was capable of moving was inverted.

The shelves that normally hosted a wide variety of plants were turned with their tops on the ground, the plants still somehow staying aligned in a perfect row, despite their upside down position.

The front desk was also turned onto its top, and some of the stand alone plants in the shop had their pots inverted, with the flowers sticking out from the bottom rather than the top.

“I stopped bothering to change it after the first few nights, so I just coped with it,” Roseluck mumbled, frowning.

“I like it. It’s hipster,” Ember said. She flashed Roseluck yet another coy smile. Rose blushed crimson, but Amethyst only sighed in exasperation.

“We’re supposed to be stopping the criminal. Not complimenting his work.”

Ember mumbled something under her breath, but Amethyst ignored it. “You said this has been happening for two weeks now?”

“Yeah,” Rose replied. “Two weeks and two days. Trust me, you don’t forget when something like this starts happening.”

“Interesting…” Amethyst etched a few notes into her levitated pad. “And you contacted the police immediately after the initial incident?”

Roseluck sat down behind her counter, placing her head in her hooves. “Of course. They sent over two ‘detectives’ who dusted for prints, took notes, asked questions, and drank all my coffee. They came back each time I reported it, every morning, and always did the exact same thing. Nothing.” She banged her head on the counter, or what now functioned as the counter but had once been the underside of said countertop. “Please tell me that you two can do better.”

Amethyst nodded, taking more notes. “Oh, definitely. You see, we get paid to solve cases, not drink everypony’s coffee.”

“Although I really wouldn’t mind some coffee, if you have any!” Ember grinned, striding over to the counter. “I never got to finish mine earlier.”

Rose stood up with a laugh. “Well, I certainly don’t mind getting you some coffee.” She winked, but then caught Amethyst’s eye. “I mean, you two some coffee!” She trotted on over to her coffee machine, placed it rightside-up, and set it to brewing. “So, what will you be looking for in here?”

“Anything,” Ember said and lifted up an inverted pot to look under it. “You wouldn’t believe the amount of stuff suspects leave behind sometimes, a stray hair or hoofprint can easily be I.D.ed.”

“Well, it would,” Amethyst muttered. “But this is a public place, Ember. There are probably dozens of hoofprints and stray hairs all over the place…”

“Oh.” Ember deflated. “Yeah, I totally knew that.”

“Right. But, here’s the thing. We can look in those weird places, the places that nopony would ever touch unless they were, say—” She walked over to a shelf and levitated it up, pointing at the metal piece that held it against the wall. “—flipping over a display shelf.”

Amethyst whipped out a spray bottle from her saddlebag and coated the shelf with a fine layer of glowing azure dust.

“What’s that?” Rose asked, walking over to the other mare.

“Hoofprint dusting spray. They make it out in Canterlot. You just coat the object like so, and any hoofprints appear!” True to her word, a glowing red stain appeared on the shelf, with completely visible lines showing upon it. “And what’s really interesting is the spell that is placed on it. It glows a different color depending on the cutie mark of the pony that made the print!”

“Oh, neat!” Rose smiled. “So, since this one is the same color as my cutie mark, does that mean that it’s from me?”

“Exactly!” Ember said, walking toward the other two. “Beauty AND brains.” She batted her eyelids as the two stood nearly snout to snout.

“Ember, please dust the other side of the store. Now.” Amethyst gave her partner a spray bottle and a glare.

“Yes, oh great and powerful mistress.” Ember winked and snapped her tail in the air before fluttering over to the window display and beginning her spraying.

“I’m really sorry about her, Ms. Rose. She’s always like this. Always.” Amethyst sighed.

Rose watched the whistling pegasus mare with a smile. “Oh, I don’t mind. After those boring police stallions, it’s much better to have somepony more… my type hanging about in the store.”

Amethyst shook her head. “If you say so…”

The two investigators spent the next half-hour in utter silence, turning things back rightside-up and dusting every inch of the floor, walls, and all surfaces for any sort of evidence.

After a bit, Amethyst stood up, her fedora tilted awkwardly on her head. She adjusted it before trotting up to Ember, who was near the back of the store.

“You get anything?” Ember asked, sipping her coffee. “Mmm, a hint of petals…”

“No. A bunch of unmatched prints, a ton of Ms. Rose’s, but no duplicates on anything besides her stock that any customers would be touching. You?”

“Not one bit. Although I did find some lovely lilies over there. I may buy some to send to my mom. I’ll have to ask the shopkeeper the price,” Ember replied, grinning lewdly.

Amethyst met her gaze cooly. “Can you please grow up for at least two seconds? You may be playing a game, but I don’t think she is.” They both looked over at their client, who was busy adjusting her displays. She met their gaze and gave a kind-hearted wave.

“Who said anything about games?” Ember whispered, returning the wave.

“Fine. Tell yourself that. But when the inevitable happens, don’t expect any consolation from me.” Amethyst growled. She shook her head, looking around the store. “I hate to say this, but there may be no evidence in here, at least not anything physical…” She put her spray back into her saddlebag. “Let me try something.”

Amethyst trotted into the center of the store, spreading her legs wide and closing her eyes in concentration. She took a deep breath, and when she breathed out her horn lit up with a telltale azure glow of her magic, before it gathered at the very tip of her horn. Amethyst stood tall, aiming her horn at the roof. Then, the spell flew, striking the roof of the shop and following along the walls and floor, until the entirety of Roseluck’s store was surrounded in a veil of azure magic.

“Now, if I can filter out our recent sprayings…” Amethyst mumbled, closing her eyes in concentration once more. In a flash, several objects in the store lit up brightly, each one a different color. They glowed as if being manipulated by magic. In one particular area of the store there was a distortion of air surrounded by a purple aura. “Teleportation…” Amethyst mumbled. “...and levitation.” Several other areas of the magic field also looked whited out, brighter than the rest. They all also had different shades and colors. “Illumination,” Amethyst mumbled again, her brow creasing. A set of numbers suddenly appeared, levitating around the room. They switched places, as the subtraction symbol changed to addition. “Calculation,” Amethyst said a little more loudly.

Amethyst frowned but remained in her position with her eyes closed. Slowly, a bead of sweat rolled down her forehead and she released a held-in breath. The azure magic surrounding the shop faded as she did. When she opened her eyes, Ember was in her face, smiling broadly.

“That. Was. Awesome!” Amethyst blinked, watching Ember practically dance in place. “I’ve never seen you use a spell like that before! You got him right? Who are we going after?”

Amethyst groaned and wiped her brow with her fedora. “No, I didn’t get him. No spells out of the ordinary were cast in the local area in over two days.”

“Drat.” Ember flicked her mane back. “So, that means that he didn’t use magic, right?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, he didn’t use magic, or yes, he DID use magic?” Ember cocked her head sideways.

“Ember… I’m really not in the mood.” Amethyst strode over to Roseluck. “I’m sorry Ms. Rose, but we didn’t find anything. The perp didn’t use magic to flip everything over, and he left no hoofprints. He must be either a pegasus or an earth pony wearing gloves. My guess is pegasus. They’re the only ones crazy enough to do stuff like this.”

“It’s true.” Ember nodded. “Cray-cray pride!”

“That’s not a compliment,” Amethyst seethed.

Ember snorted. “That’s what you think.” She walked over toward Roseluck. “Rosy, you said that there were several other stores that were hit too?”

“Yeah, I did. Quills and Sofas, Time Turner’s Hourglass Repair, Mr. Mart’s Hole in the Wall, and Bonbon’s Sweetshoppe.”

Amethyst adjusted her fedora. “Well. We’ll have to check them all out. No stone unturned, after all. Let’s go get this perp.”

“Ammy, we can’t keep calling him ‘perp.’ He’s a pony too. He needs a name!” Ember giggled. “I vote for calling him Frank!”

“Frank. Um, no. First off, he’s a criminal. Criminals get called ‘perp.’ That was the deal. You name the furniture in the office, and I call all the bad guys ‘perp.’ And second, there may be a name that perfectly describes somepony who obsessive-compulsively disorders everything around him, but Frank isn’t it. C’mon. Let’s go hit the Hourglass Repair shop. There’s no way he was perfect everywhere.”

PONYVILLE MARKET SQUARE, 5PM

“How was he perfect everywhere!?” Amethyst screamed, pounding her head against a wall. “Six hours. Five businesses. Nothing!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say nothing.” Ember smiled, munching on a cookie. “That wonderful couple at the sweetshoppe gave us all these snacks! And seeing every single quill in Quills and Sofas turned upside down was pretty funny too. Did you see that purple unicorn turning them all rightside-up? Man, that was hilarious.”

“Nothing. Not a single thing.” Amethyst whacked her head against the building again. “Well, I guess that leaves us no choice…”

“Obviously, there is only one choice left.”

“I know you hate these things…”

“But it has to be done.”

“Yeah. Guess we better get ready.”

“I just hope they don’t forget the lettuce this time.”

Amethyst turned to her partner. “What. What are you talking about?”

“Going to Burger Princess for dinner! The only option that is left! I’m hungry!” As if to emphasize this, Ember’s stomach growled. “What are you talking about?”

“A stakeout!”

“Ooooooh… Okay. But can we grab some Burger Princess first? I’m really hankering for a Hay-Whopper.” Ember grinned.

“Fine. We can get some Burger Princess. But then…” Amethyst spun around heroically, trenchcoat flapping in the air. She struck a pose and tilted her fedora rakishly. “…a stakeout.”

Ember rolled her eyes. “What a drama queen.”

Amethyst smacked her.

Part II

View Online

BON-BON’S SWEETSHOPPE, 11PM

Moonlight broke through the gloomy night sky. The lunar rays pierced the clouds and streamed through the front window of Bon-Bon’s Sweetshoppe. Amethyst strained her eyes as she looked for her flashlight. After fumbling around in her saddlebag for a moment, it levitated out coated in her signature azure magical aura. She shined it on a peculiar looking device seated near the window. The device sported a large metal dish surrounded by shining gemstones. She adjusted several dials on the back and oriented it to point at the shop across the street. She smiled as it slid perfectly into pos—

“Mmmmmmmmmm…”

—ition. They had lucked out with this stakeout spot; it had taken some smooth talk from Ember, but eventually they convinced Bonbon to let them into the shoppe for the night so they could effectively surv—

“Mmmmmrmmmmhmmm…”

—ey Roseluck’s shop. Now it was only a few last modifications to their equipment, a good spot to hide, and they would be ready to go. Amethyst congratulated herself for her genius. What criminal would ever expect to be watched in the exact place they were about to commit a cr—

“Oooooohhhhhhh, so gooooood…”

“Will. You. Stop. That.” Amethyst glared at Ember who sat in one of the couches in the corner of the shop. She had one hoof propped up on a coffee table and a Burger Princess Hay Whopper in the other. Ketchup dripped down the side of her mouth, and an expression of complete bliss covered her face.

“Whu?” Ember asked, her mouth stuffed full of hay, lettuce, and more condiments than Amethyst could count.

“I’m trying to set up the equipment for our stakeout. If you could maybe stop having a relationship with your hayburger that I paid for long enough to help, that’d be much appreciated.”

“I this, I that, c’mon Ammy! I thought we were a team?” Ember swallowed and grinned, showing off the bits of food still stuck between her teeth.

“Charming. And I don’t even want to comment on the hypocrisy of that statement…” Amethyst shook her head and went back to her adjustments.

“What hypocrisy? You bought food because I left my purse at my apartment, and I got the coffee this morning!” Ember crossed her hooves and grimaced. “I don’t see what’s wrong here!”

Amethyst’s eye twitched. “We will not speak of that… ‘incident’ again. And if you’re just going to sit over there and enjoy your hayburger, can you at least calibrate the binoculars?” Amethyst levitated said equipment over to her.

“Geez, I have to do all the work?” Ember rolled her eyes. She grabbed a hoofful of fries and chucked them into her mouth before grabbing the proffered equipment.

Amethyst shook her head again. “I don’t know why you even came tonight. If you’re just going to be so, so… infuriating, then you should just stay back at the office and read your stupid magazines.”

Ember let the binoculars fall into her lap and sighed. “Ammy, you know I’m just kidding, right?”

Amethyst shoved her bag of gear under a table. “Ember, I’m getting sick of it. You don’t take anything seriously.”

“Ammy. Remember my life’s mantra: ‘Life is too important to be taken seriously.’ Sir Figgy Newton said that, and he was a wise dude.”

“Once again, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ammy growled. “It wasn’t Newton who said that, it was—”

“Woah, do you see that?” Ember jumped into the air and pointed out the window. She hoofed the binoculars over to Amethyst.

Amethyst raised the binoculars to her eyes and pressed a button. A green light appeared on the device. Amethyst raised the now infrared binoculars to her eyes. The view, instead of being illuminated, was completely obscured. “Ember, I think something’s jamming our electronics!” Amethyst said with a gasp.

“Wait…” Ember said. She grabbed the binoculars and sheepishly wiped the lenses with a napkin. The napkin came away covered in a sticky red substance.

“Ketchup. Really?” Amethyst deadpanned. “You had one job on this lousy stakeout…”

“Never mind that. Look at Frank!” Ember pointed Amethyst toward the window.

“It’s ‘perp,’ not ‘Frank!’” Ammy growled as she zoomed her view in at the shadowy figure.

A faint, drifting melody filled the air around the two ponies. It seemed to come from outside.

“What’s that?” Ember asked.

“Shh! I’ve gotta look at the perp.” Amethyst ignored her and focused the binoculars.

“Frank…” Ember muttered.

The back silhouette tiptoed toward Roseluck’s shop. Amethyst could barely make out that the intruder had a black coat, a dark bandana across their face, and what looked like—

“A crown?” Amethyst asked. “That’s weird.”

“Aww, Ammy. You know that your face is the crown for the seapony merchants.”

Amethyst spun around to face her companion. “What? That was crazy even for you.”

Ember stumbled toward her. “Aww, come here you! Let’s dance, ‘cause this is my favorite song!” Ember’s eyes rolled backward, and she collapsed on top of Amethyst.

“Uhhh…” Amethyst held Ember up for a moment. “What the hay did you put in your f—”

A wave of drowsiness fell over Amethyst, and the sky lit up with brilliant pink lights. “Oh. Pretty fishies…” Amethyst said as a huge grin covered her face. A moment later, she fell to the floor. Seconds after that, snores came from the two sleeping mares, and the shadowy figure poked its head into the store and smiled.

~~~

The sound of snoring roused Amethyst out of the blackness of sleep. She blinked a few times, her eyes unaccustomed to the sudden bright sunlight filtering in through the front of the store. Amethyst went to rub the sleepiness out of her eyes with her hooves, but she stopped when she realized that she was unable to move. It was then she noticed the yellow appendage wrapped firmly around her.

Amethyst blinked a few more times, then felt something wet drip onto her head and something else shift against her back. She writhed around for a minute, attempting to turn herself around in the vice-like grip somepony had on her, and then her face was buried into the chest fur of another pony.

Amethyst struggled for a moment before finally getting her head free, and looking up.

Ember was right next to her, her hooves wrapped around her like a vice, and she was snoring louder than should be feasible for equine anatomy. A thick strand of drool leaked from one corner of her mouth, the end of which went above Amethyst’s vision, and, she assumed, directly into her mane.

Amethyst growled under her breath, attempting to push herself away from Ember. This proved fruitless, as Ember grumbled in her sleep and pulled her closer. Amethyst’s face was forced back into her chest fur, and she flailed for a moment before she managed to get free again.

“Ember!”

No response.

Amethyst frowned and tried poking Ember in the ribs. “Ember!” Ember shifted slightly, reaffirming her grip on Amethyst. Amethyst grit her teeth. “Ember!”

Ember’s eyes remained closed, but a dopey smile grew over her face and she snuggled closer to Amethyst. “G’mornin’, byootiful,” she droned groggily.

“Ember…”

Ember opened one eye and smiled at Amethyst. “Yeah?” she asked. “Mmm, you smell good.”

“Get. Off. Of. Me,” Amethyst growled.

Ember looked around as her ear gave a twitch and she yawned. “Can we get some breakfast first? I’m starving…” Her stomach groaned against Amethyst as if to confirm this.

“You just had a hayburger and hayfries! You cannot be serious!”

“Girl’s gotta get her metabolism goin’.” Ember gave Amethyst another dopey grin.

“Just let go of me!” Amethyst struggled against Ember’s grip for a moment.

“I can’t.” Ember frowned.

“What do you mean you can’t? Just let me go!”

“I can’t move.”

“What—” Amethyst looked up towards the ceiling. Or rather, towards the floor. Because they were both on the ceiling, held in place by some duct tape.

“…Oh.”

“Huh. I’ve never done it on the ceiling before.”

Amethyst smacked Ember with her barely moveable hoof. “Would you please behave?”

“Oww. So mean,” Ember whined.

Amethyst sighed. “Okay, we need to get down. Can you try to spread your wings out? Maybe you can push us off from the ceiling.”

“M’kay,” Ember replied. She groaned and arched her back. Her wings slowly moved outward and pulled the duct tape free.

“Good job! Almost th—”

The duct tape gave way completely and dropped both of them down to the floor.

“Oww…” Amethyst sat up, rubbing her head.

“Eurgh, my head…” Ember sat up next to her and did the same. “Gonna need some medicine for that this morning.”

Amethyst froze. “Wait, did you say this morning?”

Ember yawned, her ears twitched a bit as she did. “Yeah. What about it?”

Amethyst stared at all their stakeout equipment, unchanged from last night. Except now it was all inverted. “We… we slept through the whole thing…”

BERRY’S BAR AND BREAKFAST, 8AM

Amethyst stared down at her untouched food. On the other side of the table, Ember made loud and messy chewing noises as she scarfed down her breakfast. After a moment, she nodded at Amethyst's untouched coffee.

“Coffee?” Ember offered with a grin.

Amethyst looked up at Ember, narrowing her eyes with a glare. “Never again.”

Ember shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She took a huge gulp from her cup, leaning back further in her chair as she did.

Amethyst, on the other hoof, was working to rub away a quickly growing headache. “This doesn’t make any sense!” Amethyst slammed her hooves on the table. Ember flailed and fell backwards out of her chair, earning stares from surrounding ponies. Amethyst blushed for a moment. “Heh, sorry…”

Ember set her chair back up and sat back into it. “What doesn’t make any sense, Ammy?”

“That spell the OCD’er cast last night—”

“Wait, wait.” Ember smirked. “Did you just say OCD’er?”

Amethyst cleared her throat. “Obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD for short, is an anxiety disorder in which ponies have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations, obsessions, or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something. Since the perp turning things upside down doesn’t really seem to have a real reasoning behind it, I figured it would be appropriate to name the mare or stallion ‘The Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer.’ Make sense?”

“I guess, but I still liked ‘Frank’ better,” Ember grumbled and took a draught of her coffee.

“Anyways, what I’m trying to point out is that the spell the OCD’er cast last night… that was sleep magic. It takes an extremely magically gifted unicorn to pull off a spell that complex.”

Ember wiped her face and set the cup down. “Really? I would have thought that something like your detection spell would be way harder to pull off, and even you can manage that.”

Amethyst glared at her partner.

“Oh, you know what I mean.” Ember rolled her eyes. “You’re a detective, not a spell-mare-thingy.”

“Ember, do you know anything about magic?”

Ember shook her head. “Nope! But I can make you turn purple!” She waved a waiter over. “Hey sweetie, can I get another coffee?”

“Sure thing, ma’am,” the stallion replied.

Amethyst gasped in horror. Blood rushed to her face, and she barely managed to squeak out a slight grunt.

“Thanks,” Ember said and batted her eyelids. She turned backed to Amethyst, whose face was now as purple as her mane. “See, told ya!”

Amethyst growled and Ember chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry, Ammy.” She pulled her purse from her saddlebags. “I grabbed it when we went back to the office to drop off the stuff. Breakfast is on me this time!”

Amethyst sighed. “Well, thank you.” She took a sip of the coffee before her and poked at her toast.

“So, you were saying about the magic?”

The unicorn put her food back down. “Well, you know that my special talent is investigation, right?”

Ember nodded. “Well, duh. I was there when you got your cutie mark, remember?”

“I don’t think I’ll forget that day, ever,” Amethyst said while grinding her teeth. “You were just as much of a smart-flank then as you are now.”

Ember guffawed. “Yeah, I’m still adorable.”

“Anyways…” Amethyst cleared her throat. “My magic is specifically toward my talent. That means that I can cast much more difficult spells that are related to my talent then I can of any other type, and I can cast all of them more easily than any other type. This is elementary level stuff that they teach foals, Ember. Did you even pay attention in school?”

The waiter came by and hooved Ember the coffee. She shot him a dashing smile and whistled as he walked off. “Niiiiice. And, to answer your question, I most definitely did not pay attention the year they went over talent magic. That was the year I was sitting behind that hot unicorn… Mmm.”

“It was elementary school! What is wrong with you?”

“Many things, Amethyst. Many things. But please, go on,” Ember replied and sipped her drink.

Amethyst shook her head. “So, because of this, we know that the OCD’er is either an incredibly powerful spellcaster, or their talent is in sleep magic. The problem is that the spell used on us was offensive. We didn’t submit to the spell, so if the caster’s talent allows the magic to be cast, then their talent must be in some form of combat magic or have a totally extraordinary talent.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Ember said. “How did you jump right to combat magic?”

“There was an audial or possibly verbal component,” Amethyst replied.

“Huh?”

Amethyst sighed. “Do you remember that music that played right before you went loopy?”

Ember rested her head on her hoof and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “Hmm… Was that before or after we started dancing then laid down on the celing to cuddle?”

“That’s a ‘no’ then,” Amethyst said. “Well, I’ll remind you. There was some kind of music that played right before you lost it. That’s either an audial or verbal component. If the spell itself made it, then it was an audial component and might be a talent based spell. Just like how my spell creates lights when I cast it. But that has all the hallmarks of a combat based talent. If, however, it was an verbal component, then we’re looking at a powerful caster. Verbal components help multi-talented mages cast spells from a variety of schools. They sometimes use verbal components to make casting these spells easier. This was an enchantment-combat spell, so that makes the verbal component of the spell into music. And the music itself was faint, so it probably was coming from the caster, and not from the spell’s effects. Thus, it is highly unlikely that the spell is talent based, so we are probably facing a powerful mage.”

Ember’s eyes were unfocused and her mouth was ajar. She shook herself and drank more coffee. After she put her cup down, she said, “Well, you lost me after the audi-whatsit component part and verbal-radio thingy. I’ll just take your word for it.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Amethyst replied. The pair ate in silence for a few moments.

“So, what’s the plan from here?” Ember asked.

“Another stakeout.” Amethyst’s eyes gleamed. “But this time, we’ll be ready. I’ll go back to the office and brush up on my counterspells. I’ll have to break out some books that I haven’t unpacked yet, so it may take a while. But first I’ll go back to the sweetshoppe and take one more look at the spell residue. That might give me a clue about how to start preparing.”

“What about me?” Ember asked.

“I want you to go back to the scenes of the crime. Dust for hoofprints again and see if there were any witnesses this time. Any information that we can get would be a huge help. If this caster is as strong as I think, we’ll need all the help we can get.”

Ember nodded. “Gotcha. It’ll probably take a while for me to go over everything again. When do you want to meet up again?”

Amethyst thought for a moment. “Make it back to the office by six thirty, and we’ll load up and head over to the shoppe again.”

“Alrighty!” Ember said. “Plus, this’ll give me a chance to talk to Rose again…” She smiled. “I think that this one might work, Ammy.”

Amethyst gazed at the other mare cooly. “Ember… I’m not going to try to stop you, but this might not be a good idea. You know what happened last time.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t last time. Rose seems different,” Ember said, flicking her wing.

“Well…” Amethyst sighed. “Just be careful. Remember what I said earlier. And if anything happens, I’ll be here for you.”

Ember smiled at her partner. “Thanks Ammy. You’re the best.”

Amethyst nodded. “I am.”

“Hey!”

Amethyst laughed. “Oh! Also, remember the policy. No dating customers. So if you must do anything with her, please wait til the case is over.”

“Aww,” Ember groaned. “Spoilsport.”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess we better get going. Lots to do, and not enough time.”

“Cool beans,” Ember replied. She stuck her hoof across the table.

Amethyst grinned and bumped the proffered hoof with her own. “OCD’er, you’re going down.”

PONYVILLE MARKET SQUARE, 12PM

“Hourglass repair… Check. Quills & Sofas… Yeah. Haha, that unicorn again. Hilarious. Taylor the Tailor’s… Yeppers! Aaaaaaand Roseluck’s Bouquets!” Ember looked up from her list and smiled as she trotted into the flower shop once again. A small bell at the door rang as she entered.

“So just remember to water them daily and keep them in partial shade. You don’t want them to dry out!” Roseluck stood behind her upside down desk and hoofed a small filly a container of delicate purple flowers.

“Thank you, Mithh Rotheluck! My mommy will jutht love thethe!” The peppermint filly hopped up and down and plopped a few bits onto what passed for the counter.

Roseluck laughed. “Okay, Twist. You give your mommy and daddy hugs from me, okay? And tell them that Ms. Rose said that her favorite niece was extremely polite in the store.”

The filly giggle. “Okay! I’ll thee you later!” She gave Rose a hug.

“Oh, you’re getting so big!” Rose squeezed her tightly.

“Goodbye!” Twist ran past Ember and squeezed out the door.

“Now, how can I help y—” Rose turned to face Ember but abruptly cut off. “Oh, hello, Ember! What can I do for you?”

“That was the most adorable thing I have seen all week,” Ember said, her eyes gleaming. “That’s your niece?”

“Yeah,” Rose replied and chuckled. “She’s growing up so quickly. She got her cutie mark a while back, and she’s been going non-stop since then. I think she wants to start her own candy store when she grows up, so she’s always at all the different stores chatting up all the store owners. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up owning every one of the stores in Ponyville by the time she’s done!”

Ember chuckled. “I could see that.”

“So, I guess you two didn’t catch him last night then.” Roseluck nonchalantly wiped her upside-down desk with a towel.

“Nope.” Ember shook her head. “He used some kind of sleep spell, so Ammy and I were out cold. She’s out researching the spell and trying to do some kind of magic-y counter thinga-ma-bobber-de-jig, and I’m out checking for any new evidence and seeing if anyone saw anything suspicious.” She whipped out her spray cans.

“Oh, so does that mean that you’re here to interrogate me?” Rose asked with a laugh.

Ember narrowed her eyes and gazed at the earth pony through batting eyelashes. “Oh, I may have to. Ma’am, have you seen anything… suspicious lately?” She slid toward the desk slowly, winking at Rose and grinning all the way.

“Oh. Oh.” Roseluck blushed furiously. “Umm, maybe I did see something…”

Emer moved all the way to the desk. “Did you now?”

“Actually, I saw two things…” Roseluck slinked out from behind her desk, whipping her mane.

“I’d better take notes then,” Ember said deeply. She fluttered her wings and pulled a notebook out from her saddlebag. “Please, can you describe these incidents, ma’am?”

“Well…” Roseluck began. “When I came into work today…”

“Yes?” Ember moved closer.

“I came into the store…” Roseluck leaned in.

“Uh-huh.”

“And when I was what was inside…” Roseluck stepped very close to Ember.

“Yeah?”

“Everything was still upside-down.” Roseluck giggled.

Ember threw her head back and laughed. “Okay, I’ll have to write that down then.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me about the other thing?” Roseluck batted her own eyelashes this time.

“Okay then, ma’am. What was the other thing?” Ember raised her notepad and pen.

“This morning I saw a suspicious character.”

“Really?” Ember said, her eyes going wide. “What did they look like?”

“Well, they were a pegasus…”

“Pegasus…”

“They were yellow…”

“Yellow…”

“It was a mare…”

“Yellow pegasus mare… Uh-huh…”

“And she was so beautiful. She walked into my store, and we talked for a while—”

Ember looked up from her notepad and met Roseluck’s eyes. The other mare stood just inches away from her face.

“—and then I asked her out for lunch. Ember. You and me. Lunch. Today. Wanna go?” Roseluck wagged her eyebrows back and forth.

A huge grin spread across Ember’s face. “Well, ma’am. How can I possibly say no to such a pretty face?”

Roseluck’s face split into a huge grin. “Well, that was easy. Oh! Not that you’re easy or anything, just that… I just meant… You know what? Never mind. I’ll just stop blabbering now.” She blushed again.

Ember chuckled. “Actually I was going to ask you the same thing…”

“Great minds think alike, am I right?”

“Yeah…” Ember replied. “But I feel like I’m forgetting something…” Her mind jumped back to her previous conversation with Amethyst… “Oh.”

“What is it?” Roseluck asked.

“Aww, dangit. I just remembered. Amethyst has a strict ‘no dating customers under any circumstance or face the darkest and direst of consequences’ policy… She’d kill me if she heard we’d gone out while the job was still going on.”

“Oh.” Roseluck’s face fell. But a moment later, her expression brightened. “Well, what if it wasn’t a ‘date,’ per say?”

“Huh?” Put her paper and pen away. “What do you mean?”

“Well, if a customer just wanted to show her appreciation for the dashing detective by buying her lunch for all her hard work… Amethyst couldn’t exactly call it a date, could she?”

Ember smiled. “That… that just might work. In fact, it would be down-right rude for the detective to say no!” She gazed fondly at the other mare. “Like I said, beauty and brains, with an over-abundance of both!”

“Aww, stop it,” Rose said, turning her head to the side. “Oh, alright. You don’t actually have to stop. I like it.”

Ember grinned. “Well then, I suppose I should hurry up and dust for prints then… I wouldn’t want to keep a wonderful mare waiting for me.”

Rose chuckled. “You probably wouldn’t…”

Ember meticulously went over every bit of the place, spraying for hoofprints on every shelf, pot, and table in the entire store.

“Is there any way I can help?” Roseluck asked.

Ember tossed her an extra can of spray. “You can take the other side of the store if you want!”

“Alrighty!” Rose winked and flicked her tail at Ember.

Ember smiled. This one would definitely be different.

PONYVILLE MARKET SQUARE, 8:30AM

It was a relatively short walk back to the Sweetshoppe, at least in Amethyst’s eyes. Her mind raced a mile a minute, trying to recall the tomes she’d studied back in the day on magical theory.

“Audial components, visual components, and physical components…” she mumbled to herself. She repeated her mantra over and over again. Even as other ponies waved a friendly hoof in her direction, she paid them no mind. It wasn’t until she’d run almost face first into the door to Bon-Bon’s Sweetshoppe did she realize she was already at her destination.

As she opened the door, a bell above it jingled.

“Welcome to Bon-Bon’s Sweetshoppe! Is there anything I can help you with?” A mint green unicorn behind the counter on the other side of the store asked. She turned around to face Amethyst then blinked. “Oh! A&E Investigations! I don’t suppose you figured out who’s been vandalizing our store at night?”

“Not exactly,” Amethyst responded with a frown. “There were some complications last night. I need to investigate here a little more, if that’s okay with you?”

The mare tapped her hoof to her muzzle and stuck her tongue out in thought. “Well, we’re not in our busy hours yet, so it should be fine. What did you need to do?”

“Just a spell.” Amethyst smiled. “It’ll help me determine what kind of spells might’ve been used last night.” After an affirmative nod from the mare, Amethyst took a stance in the center of the room. She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly as her horn glowed azure. A light show similar to the one in Roseluck’s shop coated the room in a glow akin to the light emanating from her horn. Multiple green auras floated around the room, though, curiously, there were musical notes drifting in from the front door. They didn’t have any color to them.

Amethyst focused hard on this particular spell. She closed her eyes more tightly as the musical notes swirled around her. Suddenly, a melody filled the room once again. It felt eerily familiar, and Amethyst recognized it as the song from the night before. It was still so strong… She could feel it pulling against her, lulling her into rest. A beautiful voice crooned… Amethyst gasped and her eyes opened. The azure glow and the musical notes dissipated immediately, and she put a hoof to her head as a massive headache swiftly struck her.

“Definitely a verbal component…” she muttered.

“Are you alright?” She could feel the other unicorn at her side, laying a delicate hoof on her withers.

“I’m fine, just a little magical strain is all. I think I might’ve found what I was looking for though.”

“You know who did it then?” The other mare asked with a hopeful tone.

“Not quite.” Amethyst wiped her brow with a hoof. “But I think I know what spell they used. It’ll get us a long way in the future.”

“As long as you catch him in the end, we’ll all sleep better at night. And have a much easier time setting up for work in the morning!” The mint-green unicorn smiled before making her way over to one of the candy displays. “Do you want some candy for the road? It’s on the house, of course! That partner of yours seemed to enjoy it quite a bit.”

Amethyst grumbled. “Thanks, but trust me when I say the last thing Ember needs is more food.” She rolled her eyes, recalling the sounds her partner made last night while enjoying the meal she’d bought with Amethyst’s money.

“Oh…” The other mare held a hoof to her mouth. “Well, if you change your mind, the offer’s still there! Thank you for all of your help!”

“It’s no trouble at all, that’s what we’re here for!” Amethyst replied as she trotted towards the door. “Take care!” As she trotted out the door, her happy demeanor shifted to a slightly more grim one. “Verbal component…” she spoke to no one in particular. She trotted back towards their office as her mind picked up speed again. “Then it’s just as I thought, we’re dealing with a very powerful spellcaster… But then, why would a unicorn of that caliber even bother with something so… inane?”

Amethyst shook her head. Even though she’d studied it for years, she really couldn’t understand the minds of criminals sometimes.

She passed by several shops on the way back to their office. Some had their owners in the windows, returning overturned merchandise to its original state. A lavender unicorn stood in the entryway to Quills & Sofas, her body shaking angrily. “Again?!” she yelled, much to the lament of the shopkeeper. Amethyst didn’t stop to watch, however. She reached their office and tried to pull it open with her magic. All this did was give her a bigger headache than she already had, and she quickly raised a hoof to her head as her magical aura around her horn sputtered a bit.

“Ow…” she groaned as she unlocked and yanked the door open by hoof.

She quickly trotted inside, then made her way to a room in the back of the office. This was where they kept their stuff they had yet to unpack from their move from Manehattan. Amethyst went to carefully remove a box from the top of a stack, but as soon as she had it in her grip she nearly dropped it.

“Oh, yep, it’s definitely in here!” Amethyst carefully and painfully set the box onto the floor. Thankfully, it was already open so she didn’t need to worry about opening it as she rifled through its contents.

“Ah, there it is!” She reached down, grunting as she lifted up something heavy. “Urgh… I forgot how intense my studies were back in the day…” After moving the object out enough, she maneuvered it so it sat on her back for the time being. She walked back into the main room of the office and sat it down on her desk where it hit with a thud. The object was a book, an old and withered-looking tome with a star on the cover. At each corner of the star there was a different picture, detailing the branch of magic it covered.

Amethyst undid the latch holding the book closed, and pulled it open with another groan. “Oh boy…” she frowned as she looked at all the symbols and theories presented to her on just the first page. “This is gonna take a while…”

FANCY FARE, 12:30PM

Ember slid into the booth across from her totally-not-date. She inhaled the scent of the fresh daisy salad special that emanated from the kitchen in the back of the restaurant and wafted out the open window above their booth. She sighed and settled into her seat. A smile spread across her face as she met her not-date’s eyes.

“Wow, I can’t believe that I’ve never been here before!” Ember exclaimed, sweeping her gaze across the crowded restaurant.

“Me either! Fancy Fare has to be the best food in town. Savoir really outdid himself here,” Rose replied.

The mares grinned at each other as a moustached earth pony waiter trotted up to them. “Good afternoon, ladies. Welcome to Fancy Fare! I’m Silver Mash, and I’ll be your waiter today.” He hoofed a pair of menus to them, shaking his silver mane and brown coat as he did so. “Brr! That’s quite a draft. Would you like me to get that window closed for you?”

“Oh, it’s totally fine, Silver,” Rose said. “Unless it’s bothering you, Ember?” she asked.

“Nah, it feels nice to me!” Ember replied. She grabbed a menu.

“Alright then.” The stallion chuckled. “In that case, can I interest either of you in drinks or appetizers today?”

“I’ll have a water, please,” Rose said. “And could I have that with extra ice?”

“Sure!” Silver chimed. “And you, ma’am?” He raised his notepad.

“Uh, I’ll have a lemonade, please,” Ember said.

“And no thanks on the appetizers this time,” Rose chimed.

“Perfect! I’ll have those right out for you. Go ahead and look over your menu, but take your time. We’ll be here when you’re ready!” Silver trotted off.

“Silver is one of my favorite waiters here,” Rose said. “He just started working about a month ago, but he’s just so sweet! I adore his wife and son too! They come into the store sometimes.”

“You seem to know everypony in town,” Ember remarked.

Rose laughed. “Comes with the territory. I sell three products that appeal to everypony: Romantic gifts, gardening necessities, and tasty snacks. And I happen to grow all of them. I see pretty much everypony in town on a weekly basis.”

“Wow,” Ember said. “I guess you aren’t having any business problems then.”

“Well, except for that whole upside-down store nonsense.” Rose stuck out her tongue.

“Oh, yeah. You know, you should get somepony to look into that.” Ember’s eyes twinkled and she winked at the mare with whom she was not on a date.

“Mmm, I probably should!” Rose flicked her mane away with a giggle.

“So, what’s good here?” Ember grabbed her menu and flipped through the pages.

“Their sandwiches are amazing, but I think I’ll have to have the daisy salad. It’s divine.” Roseluck pointed to the specials on Ember’s menu.

“‘Daisies, fresh romaine lettuce, candied walnuts, house croutons, and a Fancy raspberry walnut vinaigrette.’ Interesting.”

“Simple but beautiful. Their dressing is absolutely incredible. They import it directly from Prance!” Rose said.

“Well, with that review behind it, I’ll just have to try it out!” Ember put her menu down and grinned. “I have a question though. Don’t you get tired of flowers since you grow and sell them all day? Wouldn’t you want to eat something else?”

“No, never! Flowers are my favorite things in the whole world. The smell, the taste, nurturing them from the beginning of their life until they brighten somepony’s day… I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of that.” Rose’s eyes unfocused and a wistful smile spread across her face. “I don’t think I’ll ever retire, even if the business takes off like I want it to. I couldn’t see not doing it!”

Ember grinned. “I love it when ponies are so passionate about things. You have huge plans for your business then?”

Rose opened her mouth to reply, but Silver returned at that moment. “Here are your drinks!” He placed their beverages in front of them. “So, have you decided what you’d like? If not, I’d recommend the special salad today. It’s the best.”

Rose chuckled. “Silver, you are a mind reader. We’d both like the salad today, please.”

“Excellent!” Silver scribbled on his notepad. “We’ll have that out for you ASAP!” He scampered off.

“Huh. ‘ASAP.’ You don’t hear waiters using that term every day,” Ember remarked. “Weird.”

“He says odd things sometimes,” Rose replied as she sipped her water. “But yeah, I have some pretty big plans for the business. Well, hopes, at least. I don’t know if I’ll ever make it as far as I want to.”

Ember nodded, sipping her lemonade. “So what’s the big plot?”

“Promise you won’t laugh?” Rose asked.

“Of course I won’t!”

“Well, I want to save enough bits to open another store in two neighboring towns and then expand out into Canterlot. My business model is very simple and homegrown, and I have seeds that have been in the family for generations. I’ve grown and tased lots of flowers, and mine are the best. I don’t like bragging, but they are.” The mare grinned.

“Wow, you are planning big!” Ember exclaimed. “How close are you to opening a new store?”

“Actually, if all goes well, I’ll be buying a building in Greenville by the next Summer Sun celebration. I’ll hire somepony to manage this store and make a temporary move to get the location ready. Plant a new sustainable garden, paint the building, and train a manager over there. Then I’ll come back to Ponyville and work a bit here and manage the books and make sure the gardens stay well kept in both locations. After that, I have plans for a third location, but I want to take it only a bit at a time.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! You could totally pull that off!” Ember exclaimed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a ‘Roseluck’s Bouquets’ in every town from Canterlot to Manehattan in a few years!” She gazed at the earth pony. “You shouldn’t ever let anypony get you down about that plan. Nopony should ever laugh about a plan like that, and I certainly wouldn’t. It’s great, and so are you.”

“Thanks,” Rose replied. Color flushed her cheeks and she drank a bit more water. “Wow, is it hot in here to you too?”

“Nah. I’m nice and cool from the breeze,” Ember said. “I think you’re the only thing in here that’s hot.”

Rose flushed even harder. “I didn’t mean—”

“I did.” Ember sipped her drink and gazed right into Rose’s eyes. They smiled at each other for a while until a voice chimed at the end of the table.

“Okay, two special daisy salads!” Silver slid two plates onto the table and swiftly refilled their drinks. “I’ll be back in a bit to check back up on you. Call me over if you need anything else!”

“Thank you, Silver!” Rose said.

“That was fast,” Ember noted.

Rose nodded. “They have amazing service here.”

Ember grabbed her fork and took a tentative bite of her salad. “Oh. My.”

Rose nodded, her own mouth full of daisy and walnuts. Swallowing, she said, “Told you!”

The mares ate in silence for a few moments and savored the flavor of the perfect salads.

“Ammy is going to flip when I tell her about this place,” Ember said. She wiped her face with her napkin.

“You two must be new to town if you’ve never been here before!”

Ember nodded. “We are. We opened our doors about a month ago and we’d only been in town about a week before that. We’re still getting a feel for everything here.”

“Mmm,” Rose murmured as she took another bite. “So, where are you girls from? How did you meet?”

“Well, we grew up together in Canterlot. My family is from there, and Ammy’s moved there after she was born. She’s from an all pegasus family from Cloudsdale, so they had to move to the ground after she was born. We met on the first day of school, and we immediately hated each other.” Ember smiled.

“Really? Now this story I have to hear,” Rose said.

Ember chuckled. “Well, it was the first day at class. We were out on the playground for recess. I already had a couple of friends from my neighborhood, so we all played ball together, and we played pretty crazy. It was fun, and we were foals, ya know? Then this little blue unicorn filly trots up to us and matter-of-factly tells us that we were foolish for playing so recklessly and that our ball was going to pop if we kept it up.”

“Just like that?” Rose asked.

“Just like that,” Ember agreed. “She never has been one for tact. Well, she’s gotten better, but she was as blunt as a hammer to the brainpan back then.”

They both chuckled before Ember continued. “Anyways, we ignored her, of course. We knew everything. I think we caught teenager syndrome early in Canterlot. But she just kept bugging us. ‘You’re gonna pop it!’ ‘Stop!’ On and on and on! Until finally, the ball came flying at me. I caught it, jumped onto it, and Bam! It popped and I landed flat on my face. Little Ammy runs up to me and shouts, ‘I told you so!’ Of course, that made her my mortal enemy right then and there.”

Rose snorted. “Of course. That is the only logical chain of events.” She winked.

“Exactly! So for weeks, we shot snide remarks back and forth on the playground and refused to even talk to each other in class.”

“So what changed?” Rose asked. “I’m assuming you two don’t hate each other any more.”

Ember snorted. “Nah, not even a little bit. So here’s the story. There was this earth pony in our class. She was a musician, and one day she brought her cello and bow into class for show and tell. She was totally amazing, and she stole the show. But when we all went outside to play, somepony snuck back into class and stole her bow. I guess they were just jealous of her talent. She already had her cutie mark, you see, and she was the only one who did. So they just took her bow.”

“Wow. Kids are terrible sometimes.” Rose sighed.

“Yeah. The mare sat next to me in class but played with Ammy on the playground. When it was time to leave school, she went back inside to get her cello. She noticed that the bow was missing, so she and I looked around class to try to find it. We looked and looked, but it wasn’t anywhere. Octavia, that’s the mare, started crying. That’s when Ammy came back in to get her saddlebag before she left. She came over and asked what was wrong. Now, we might not have liked each other, but we both knew that Octy was freaking out and needed help. Octy’s parents came to pick her up, but Ammy and I had missed the cart that took the foals home if they lived in the city. Our parents would have to come get us, but they were at work. So we had a bunch of time on our hooves.”

“I’m sensing that your detective skills may have come into play at a pretty early age,” Rose remarked as she continued sipping on her water.

“You know, if you ever want to change careers, you’d probably make a good detective yourself, Rose. Or a great psychic. Maybe even a psychic detective!” Ember laughed.

“Oh, no thank you,” Rose giggled. “I’m quite content with flowers.”

“But yeah. We called a temporary truce to try to help find Octavia’s bow. We looked all over the empty school, scoured the playground, and even went into the most dreaded of places in the school: the upper class’ locker room.” Ember shuddered. “No luck. Ammy got really sad and decided that it was time to give up, but I didn’t want to. I gave her a pep talk, and she perked up and went back to looking.”

“Aww, that’s cute.”

“We were freakin’ adorable,” Ember agreed. “So we decided to check the playground again. I looked all over the playset and all around the sandbox. But Ammy just sat there and kept looking at the bushes that lined the school. I trotted over to ask her what was going on.

“‘Do you see that?’ she asked.

“‘See what?’

“‘That bush over there…’ So she walks over to one bush that looked a time bit different from all the others. She reaches in and pulls out the bow, which was totally fine!”

“Wow!” Rose said.

“We looked at each other and had the biggest stupid grins on our face. Then this big huge light blinded us for a second, and when it was gone, we had our cutie marks!” Ember shifted to show Rose the small flame on her flank. “Ammy’s talent was her detective skills, and especially her ability to see those little things that were out of place. She got a purple gem with a teeny-tiny imperfection that she says is there, but that I can’t see. I just take her word for it. Mine was inspiration. I’ve always been good at helping other ponies feel better and encouraging them, so I got this little tiny fire!”

“That’s awesome! Getting your cutie marks just like that at the same time!” Rose laughed. “So, did you go back to hating each other immediately after?”

“Nope! We were so excited that when our parents arrived, they found us running around in a circle laughing together. We all went out to dinner together to celebrate, and Ammy and I instantly became best friends. We returned the bow to Octy the next day, and they caught the stallion that did it. Interestingly, he and Octavia started dating in high school… Go figure! Anyways, Ammy and I played together and hung out the entire year. And the next. And the next, all the way until I went off to college and Ammy joined the Royal Guard.”

“Wow, what a cool story!” Rose exclaimed. “You two have something pretty special.”

“Yeah,” Ember agreed. “Ammy’s always been there for me through everything. Everything else could go to pieces, but we’d always have each other’s backs.”

Rose smiled, and their eyes met and locked for a moment.

“Everything good over here?” Silver asked as he walked up to the table.

“Oh, yes! The food was excellent,” Rose said.

“I’m so glad!” Silver replied. “Will this be two checks?”

“Just one please,” Rose insisted. “Ember’s helping me with that upside down problem I’ve been having at the store, so I wanted to take her out for lunch.”

“Well, I’m glad that you’re finally getting that looked at. I guess the police have some competition in town now!” Silver winked.

Ember laughed. “I guess so.”

Silver hoofeded the bill to Rose, who promptly paid him the bits. “Alrighty then! Thank you both so much, and you have a wonderful day!”

“You too Silver,” Ember said.

“And send my love to Button and your wife! I’ve got some orchids in the store now that I think they would absolutely love!” Rose said.

“I will,” Silver said with a chuckle.

The two mares slid back out of the booth and trotted over to the door.

“You know, that was the best date I’ve had in months,” Rose remarked. “Well, okay, not a date, I guess. But still…”

Ember laughed. “Oh, we might not be able to call it a date around Ammy, but it was my best… whatever it was… in forever too.”

The mares smiled. “Well, we’ll have to make it an official date soon.” Rose grinned.

“Definitely. As soon as this whole OCD’er thing is done, I’ll have to take you to one of my favorite places.”

“‘OCD’er thing?’” Rose asked.

“Oh, that’s what Ammy is calling the guy who’s messing up your store. It stands for the ‘Obsessive-Compulsive Disorderer.’ I still prefer calling him Frank though.”

“‘Obsessive-Compulsive Disorderer.’ That’s clever!” The earth pony giggled.

Ember joined in. They looked deeply into each others eyes for a second before Rose blushed and turned away. “Well, I better get back to the shop…”

Ember cleared her throat. “Yeah. I have a few more places to check out before I have to get back for the stakeout.”

Rose smiled. “Okay then! I guess I’ll see you later!”

Ember waved to the other mare as she trotted away. She watched her until she rounded the corner and headed back to her shop, then turned around with a sigh.

“That was totally a date.”

BONBON’S SWEETSHOPPE, 11PM

Amethyst felt a strange sense of deja vu as she once more set up the magical tuning device. The Sweetshoppe was empty again save for the two detectives. The sky was illuminated far more clearly then the night before, since the clouds that had obscured the former night had been cleared by the pegasi earlier in the day.

“It’s a lot brighter tonight,” she remarked to Ember, who was busy adjusting the spectral phantometics. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad. Could go both ways.”

“Heh,” Ember grunted as she hefted the large metal device onto its tripod.

Amethyst snorted. “What, no joke about ‘going both ways?’ You usually jump on such a ‘prime opportunity,’ as you say. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten away with saying anything like that before.”

Ember shrugged in response and turned a few knobs.

“Ooookay?” Amethyst tilted her head to the side and watched her partner for a moment. When they had first set up in the store, she had half expected Ember to plop herself on the couch again start making suggestive sounds with her food again. When Ember had instead started unpacking gear, Amethyst had thought that she must have been dreaming.

“You’re being oddly helpful today, Ember. Did you have a good day or something?”

“Yeah,” Ember replied, continuing to unfold the gear.

Amethyst shook her head. “Amazing.” She unpacked her ambience multimeter and thaumatical receiver and set them in front of the window.

“Did you hear what I said when I explained to you how this spell is going to work? I need you to be prepared when the OCD’er shows himself again.”

“Mhm,” Ember hummed as she adjusted some dials on the equipment Amethyst had set up.

“Well, as long as you were listening…” Amethyst levitated her binoculars up to her face. She expected Ember to voice complaints about boredom, or at least start pestering her, but she was unusually quiet. The grin she normally wore on her face never left once.

This is very unlike her… Amethyst began to think something was up, until she saw a familiar cloaked figure tip-toeing towards Roseluck’s shop.

Ember’s ears suddenly perked and she leaned forward until she was in Amethyst’s peripheral vision. “Are they here?”

“Yes, they just showed up.” She held a hoof to Ember’s chest. “Let’s wait a moment though, until they start casting the spell.”

There were a tense few moments between the two mares, and before long Amethyst heard the first notes of a song start to play. She grinned.

“Right on cue.” Amethyst’s horn glowed azure and she began her counterspell. She figured that the OCD’er was using a verbal component; they were singing the song themselves. Her study from the earlier hours of the day had indicated that the best way to counter music based spells was with more music.

Amethyst took a deep breath and let the words of the spell flow forth, seeking to stop the spell. The song a haunting counterpoint to the main melody that drifted into the building. Amethyst felt the OCD’er’s spell impact her own. Back and forth, the two competing lines tugged, each clawing for dominance. Amethyst sang harder than she ever had in her life. Her lungs burned, so she gasped for air and kept singing. Sweat beaded on her forehead, and the air around her felt musical. It was as if she could taste the chords and smell the frequencies shift. The harmonies felt sweet, and the dissonance tasted red. Her senses merged together into a simultaneously soothing and striking gestalt as Amethyst gave herself entirely into her spell.

The two spells stood at odds for a moment, and the detective mare allowed herself a grin. They had their perp now.

But with a sudden bust, a flurry of notes flew in from outdoors, and the OCD’er’s spell pushed past her own. Amethyst’s eyes widened and she struggled to find her own melody to counter the effects, but to no avail. The other spell surrounded her and enveloped her own magical song. The aura from her horn was snuffed out, and it wasn’t long before the criminal’s song tugged at her eyelids.

“Ember…” Amethyst spun to face her partner, but she only saw bouncing puffballs with smiley faces. Amethyst grinned widely, then crashed to the floor. Everything went dark afterwards.

“Am—

—my!”

A voice cut through the blackness, and Amethyst was vaguely aware that she was being shaken violently.

“Ammy! Wake up!” She felt a sharp crack across her face. Now fully awake, the unicorn blinked violently and rapidly.

“E-Ember?!” Amethyst shook her head. “Why did you slap me…and why am I covered in water?”

Ember grinned and helped her back onto her hooves. “You’re a really heavy sleeper, you know that?”

“Don’t try to change the subject!” Amethyst gritted her teeth, but then she cast a glance at the rest of the room and her anger died away when she realized that not only was everything not upside down, but it was still dark outside too.

“Wait… didn’t we fall asleep?”

Ember rolled her eyes. “Wait a second…” Ember put her hooves to her ears, then pulled out two small earplugs. “What was that?”

Amethyst’s jaw dropped. “We… Sleep… Wha—”

Ember chuckled. “No, we didn’t fall asleep. Well, you did. But I brought these.” She grinned stupidly. “Good thing too. I couldn’t hear much of your singing, but what I did hear…” She shuddered.

“You… Earplugs?” Amethyst squinted her eyes.

“Well, yeah. You said that the spell was verbal something, or audio based, or that there were radios or something. I dunno. All I know is, sound magic can’t do diddly-squat if you can’t hear it, right? And, no offence, but you’re no super wizard.” Ember’s grin turned smug. “I just wanted to be sure.”

“You…” Amethyst flushed angrily. “You couldn’t hear anything I was saying the whole time we were setting up?!”

“I just saved our flanks in a way that you didn’t even think about, and that’s all you got out of that?” Ember asked.

“Yes!”

“Nope, I certainly did not!” Ember grinned.

Amethyst’s eye twitched, but she resisted the strong urge that had suddenly made itself known in her right hoof to smack a certain yellow pegasus mare. “Well, while you’re sitting here talking, the OCD’er is disordering Ms. Roseluck’s store again! Let’s go!”

“Well geez, you’re the one who wanted to tal— Woah!”

Amethyst lept to her hooves, jerked Ember up in the air with her magic, and galloped towards Roseluck’s store. The OCD’er thought they were asleep, which gave them the element of surprise. She didn’t have time for Ember’s usual shenanigans.

Once they reached the door, Amethyst set Ember down. “Are you ready? It could be anypony in there.”

“Even Frank.” Ember nodded, eyes wide.

“Would you take this seriously? This is a powerful spellcaster. They could seriously hurt us, or worse! We need to take them down quickly and efficiently.”

“How about you lead them into a back alley and I open the back door?”

Amethyst gave Ember an unamused glare.

“Too soon?” Ember frowned.

“Let’s just get on with this.” Amethyst grabbed the doorknob in her magic, then forced the door open.

“Freeze, Frank!”

“Halt, A&E Investigations!”

The shadowy figure turned to face them. It smiled beneath its mask.

“Ah, guests. Welcome.”

Part III

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ROSELUCK'S BOUQUETS, 12AM

A soft breeze ruffled Amethyst’s mane slightly as she stared down the perp that they’d been pursuing for the past two days. The criminal in question stared right back, their long cloak billowing in the breeze behind them.

Amethyst’s muscles tightened. This moment was crucial. At the moment of discovery, criminals were often violent. They might try to run, or they might lash out. And given this perp’s power, she needed to be prepared for anything. The perp didn’t bolt for the door, but took an equally aggressive stance.

Nopony moved. Wind whistled through the windows, and Amethyst felt a bead of sweat start to roll down her face. The perp’s face was hidden under a dark hood, but Amethyst could have sworn she saw them grin. She took a step forward. If they weren’t going to make the first move, she was.

“Got you now, Frank!”

Both Amethyst and ‘Frank’ flinched at the sound of Ember’s voice. Amethyst, however, took the opportunity, and used her magic to rip the hood off of the perp’s cloak. The hood blew out of the store in a strong breeze, and the two got their first look at who was responsible for all of this.

“So.” The perp spoke, her eyes narrowed. “Now thou dost know.” The perp was a mare with a sleek coat of dark blue fur. A long flowing mane lifted behind her in the breeze, as dark and majestic as the night itself. Light blue irises, glowing with determination, stared back at the two. A crown on her head caught the light of the moon and glinted brightly. A long horn stood out from under it, standing a bit taller and straighter than other unicorn’s horns.

...unfortunately, the perp also had a strip of cloth over her face. Amethyst felt as if she should know her, but the mask completely threw her off!

“Who are you?” Amethyst asked with a huff. The OCD’er blinked, eyes wide.

“Surely thou jest?”

“You’ve obviously gone to great lengths to conceal your identity, what with wearing a mask under your hood.” The OCD’ers hoof went to touch her mask as she said this, confusion written on her face. “So just out with it, who are you?!”

The OCD’er’s confused expression suddenly brightened into a mischievous grin. She began to glow with power as she rose into the sky. Amethyst and Ember covered their eyes as the wind suddenly kicked up, blowing stray debris around the store in a small tornado.

Amethyst gritted her teeth. No wonder her magic had been so easily overpowered!

“I am, The Princess of— oh wait no.” The wind and power suddenly died down, and the OCD’er dropped to the floor, hoof to her chin. “Inverter? No, We think that sounds dumb…” The OCD’er continued to stroke her chin in thought.

“Are you serious?” Ember laughed. “You haven’t even thought of a name for yourself?”

“Silence, cretin!” The OCD’er glared at Ember. “We do not see you coming up with anything better!”

Amethyst cleared her throat. Both Ember and the OCD’er looked at her. “The Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer,” Amethyst said with a smug smile.

“No, We think that sounds dumb as well.” Amethyst’s face dropped into a confused frown.

“What.”

“Oooh! I’ve got a better one!” Ember waved her hoof in the air ecstatically. The OCD’er grinned.

“Bravo, Our enemy! Please, serenade Us with thy new designation!”

Amethyst seethed. “Ember, I swear, if you even think about saying what I think you’re going to say—”

“Frank!” Ember said with a huge grin.

Amethyst’s hoof slapped into her forehead at mach speed.

“Hm...Frank. Simple, but imaginative.”

Amethyst’s face lifted from her hoof, eyes wide in bewilderment.

“Yes! We will take it!” The spectacle from earlier began anew, and Amethyst and Ember had to cover their eyes once more as Frank rose into the sky, eyes brimming with arcane might.

“Beware Ponyville, for you now face the wrath of the mighty Frank! Mwahahahahaha!”

“Ooo, evil laugh. Nice touch.” Ember nodded.

Amethyst quickly smacked the back of her partner’s head. “Quit complementing the enemy!” Ember rubbed her head and grumbled indignantly. Amethyst directed her gaze back towards Frank. “And ‘Frank’? Are you kidding me? ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer’ was at least a little imaginative!”

“We think thou art jealous because thy partner is better at naming things than thou art,” Frank said with an affirmative nod.

Amethyst’s eye twitched as Ember burst out laughing. “It’s true! You know she once had a goldfish she named ‘Larry’?”

Amethyst’s face flushed red and she glared at Ember. “Don’t bring Larry into this!”

Frank burst into laughter as well. “And thou think'st thine partner is the one bad at namesakes?” Frank fell into giggles as Amethyst held a hoof over her face.

“Look, it doesn’t matter who or what you are. There isn’t going to be any ‘wrath’, because you’re under arrest!”

Ember recomposed herself and took her place at Amethyst’s side. “Yeah, your time’s up, Frank!”

Frank recomposed herself as well and stood upright. “Is that so, my little detectives? Well, in order to arrest something, you must first catch it!” She suddenly vanished in a flash of blue light, and reappeared outside of the store. Her horn pulsed with a dark blue aura, and the store was suddenly lifted into the air, turned exactly one hundred and eighty degrees, and planted back onto its roof. “Mwahahaha!” Frank cackled as she began to prance through the streets.

Ember suddenly burst from the doors, her face a mask of rigid determination. “Come back here, Frank!” Her fur bristled as she shot down the street.

Amethyst stumbled out of the store in a daze, falling flat on her face upon exit. She looked back at the shop with a forlorn expression. “Oh sweet Celestia, I hope that isn’t coming out of our pay…”

***

Ember’s breath came out in quick, rapid succession as she locked her eyes on the form of Frank, galloping just out of reach. Ember flapped her wings once and made a jump to catch her, but Frank made a sharp turn at Ponyville’s town square and shot down another street, causing Ember to fall flat on her face.

“Get her, Ember!” Ammy shouted as she leapt after the foe. Ember shook the dust out of her mane and jumped back to her hooves.

“What the hay are you doing?” Ember heard Ammy shout from around the corner. She rushed past the cobble building and gasped in astonishment.

“MwahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!” Frank cackled deviously as she lifted the enormous statue of Princess Celestia into the air and slowly turned it upside down.

“Noooooooo!” Ammy cried. She took her power stance and closed her eyes in concentration. Her own aura surrounded the statue. “Ember, stop her!”

Ember flapped her wings and took to the air with a mighty war cry. She shot forth like an arrow from the bow of the goddess herself. She steeled her resolve, squinted her eyes, and pulled her wings in to reduce drag as she prepared for impact with her nemesis. A sly grin split her face as she—

—missed Frank completely. The black mare stepped to the side at the last second.

“Woah!” Ember cried. She tumbled over the ground and crashed into a cart that stood behind Frank.

Frank giggled, making a stark comparison to her previous maniacal laughter. “Thou art most amusing, pegasus. We shall have to keep you!” With that, Frank levitated Ember up into the air.

“Hey! Put me down!” Ember yelped indignantly. “Ammy! Help!” Ember turned her head to see her partner still standing by the statute. Her whole body seemed to be sagging to the ground from the stress of magically lifting such a large object all by herself.

“Oooookay. I guess I’ll just have to deal with you myself.” Ember turned and glared at Frank.

The masked madmare grinned cockily in reply. “Oh, and how dost thou expect to do that?”

Ember pulled open her saddlebag and grabbed a small item.

“What are you—”

Whap!

“Gah!” Frank cried out in pain as a paper wad made contact with her eye. Her magic around Ember dissipated and the pegasus took to the air once more.“A spitball?”

Ember put another wad of napkin into her straw and shot it into Frank’s other eye with pinpoint precision.

“Oww!”

Ember tackled the mare to the ground and gave her own laugh. “You don’t mess with a mare who comes prepared for a stakeout.”

“How is a spitball weapon stakeout gear?” Frank gasped as Ember wrestled her down.

“Duh. I’m spending more than eight hours with Ammy. I’m gonna need some way to not fall asleep!” Ember pulled Frank’s legs to the ground and pinned them.

“Huh. We can appreciate your logic. But it is irrelevant!” Frank’s horn glowed alight with dark blue magic, and a mystical force threw Ember across the courtyard.

“Woah!” Ember tumbled and crashed into a surprisingly soft wall.

“Oof!” Ammy exclaimed as Ember knocked her over.

Ember opened her eyes to see Ammy on top of her. She cracked a smile. “Ooh, cuddling again. You’re gonna have to buy me dinner soon.”

Amethyst growled and sprang back to her hooves. “Now is not the time!” She gasped and lashed out with her magic to grab the falling statue once more. “Just… Stop… Her…” she said through gritted teeth while she tried to gently set the statue back onto its hooves.

Ember jumped up to see Frank standing over one of the stands at the far end of the courtyard. Ember growled and snorted. She pawed at the ground with her hoof before launching into a charge.

Frank dodged nimbly out of the way once more. She moved to the other side of the cart and flipped its contents upside down. “There art no breaks on the chaos train!” She howled.

“Oh yeah?” Ember asked. She reached into the cart and grabbed the first thing that she could, which happened to be a golden delicious apple. She lifted it into the air…

...and set it down right side up.

Frank ceased her laughing immediately. “How dare you?” she hissed. She reached back down and flipped the apple back upside down.

“Oh, it is on.” Ember’s eyes gleamed.

The two mares’ hooves flashed in the moonlight. Apples flipped, baskets were turned, and fruit flew through the air. The cart shook from the speed of the opponents as their grim battle continued.

Back across the open yard, Amethyst sighed as she set the statue back upon her pedestal. She wiped a bead of sweat from her face and turned to look for her foe. She saw the mare across the yard and narrowed her eyes. She ran over to them, but slowly came to a stop as their words drifted into her ears.

“...and verily, why wouldst anypony leave out an entire cart of apples, anyways? It is as if they are inviting the very avatar of all that is chaos and Frank to come ruin their day!”

“Yeah, I know!” Ember replied as she flipped more apples right side up. “It’s really not a good idea. If I ran an apple stand, I’d lock every single one of them up each night so that thieves couldn’t grab them!”

“And thou wouldst be a most responsible cart vendor, Ember. We would trust you with taking care of the apples that We would buy.” Frank flipped three baskets upside down and put one onto Ember’s head.

“Aww, thanks!” Ember put the baskets back into place.

“Ember!” Amethyst hissed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m stopping her. What are you doing?” Ember replied. Her eyebrow shot into the air.

“I’m trying to stop her from destroying one of the town’s greatest landmarks and catch her in order to stop her diabolical rampage!” Amethyst yelled.

“Sheesh. So am I, Miss Walking Thesaurinary.”

Amethyst grit her teeth again. “The word is ‘thesaurus.’ It’s a different word from dictionary.”

“Actually, if you look my word up in the dictionarisaurus, you’ll see that I’m right.” Ember growled and kept flipping apples.

“Oh my dear sweet Luna, what is wrong with you, Em—”

“The bad-namer is correct, Ember,” Frank cut Amethyst off hurriedly.

“Thank you. Finally someone who understands what I have to go through everyday—” Amethyst looked at Frank and shook her head. “NO! I will not be distracted! You’re going down!” She charged the self-proclaimed agent of chaos.

Frank magically tossed the entire cart into the air and scattered the apples across the courtyard. “Foolish detective! Thou canst not catch chaos! ‘Tis too slippery!” She ran back to the statue and turned to Amethyst with an evil grin.

“NOOOOOOOO!” Amethyst yelled.

Frank’s horn flashed, and the entire statue flipped and balanced perfectly upon the pristine horn. “Onward!” She cried gleefully and ran into the shadows.

“Ahhhhhhhh!” Amethyst screamed and took off after her.

Ember giggled. “Okay, that was good. You’ve gotta give her that.”

Amethyst ignored her.

***

Ember crept around the corner with all the sneakiness that she could muster. Frank had disappeared after running from them in the courtyard. They managed to follow her by following the trail of destruction, but the trail had ended a few meters back with an upside-down lamp post, and the two detectives were yet to pick it up again.

Ammy stood across the alleyway. The unicorn’s head shot back and forth as she scanned the area. Meeting Ember’s eye, Ammy held up a hoof, pointed it upward, waved it in a circle, pointed at the ground twice, and then pointed at her eyes. She then nodded twice.

Ember squinted at her, cocked her head to the side, and scrunched her face up in confusion. “What the hay does that mean?” she whispered, even though she knew Ammy couldn’t hear.

Ammy facehoofed and glared at her partner. She repeated the sequence of motions emphatically.

Ember blinked a few times, leaned her head forward, and squinted. “Oooh, you want to cuddle again after this is over, right? I getcha,” Ember whispered again. She turned her head to the side and winked.

Ammy nodded and crept forward slowly. She hugged the wall of the building beside her as she carefully strode down the alleyway. She edged around yet another corner at an intersection and held up a hoof. She looked into the air as if searching for something.

Ember still stood back at her own corner, watching in amusement as the unicorn continued along.

Ammy shook her head, scanning all over the sky. Her nose wrinkled in confusion. Finally, she looked backward and caught Ember’s eye. Ammy’s jaw went slack, and she glared at her partner. Although Ember wasn’t the world’s best lip reader, she could easily tell what Ammy whispered at her. What the hay, Ember?

Ember sighed and trotted over to the irate detective. “What?” she whispered.

“I told you to fly up into the air, look around, and then tell me what you saw! What else could it possibly mean?” Ammy hissed.

Ember pushed up against the same wall as Ammy. She rolled her eyes. “Oh, silly me. Of course that’s what it means. There’s no way anypony could possibly misconstrue that precise gesture…”

Amethyst growled. “Your sarcasm is not appreciated. Now we’ll never find her…”

“Find who, hotflank?” a voice whispered into the detectives’ ears.

“Wah!” Ammy and Ember leaped into the air and swiftly turned around in time to see no other than—

“FRANK!” Ember shouted.

“Get her!”

Frank cackled madly and rushed down an alleyway. Ember took to the air, and Ammy ran swiftly in hot pursuit.

“Oh, what fun this is! We have not enjoyed ourselves so much since our sister helped us crash the national zebran cake festival! Ah, the good old days…”

“Aha!” Ammy exclaimed as she rounded a corner and bounded an empty stall. “Now we know that you have a sister and know zebras! You are giving us so many clues! We’ll find out who you are!”

Frank came to a complete stop next to a building. She faced Ammy. “Seriously? Thou hath not figured it out yet? Still? Really, thou art fun chase buddies, but bad detect—”

Ember divebombed her foe. Frank’s words cut off as she dodged to the side and slipped into the building.

“Ha! Now we shall wreak more chaos upon this poor town! Mwahahahaha!”

“No! Not there!” Ember yelled and followed her inside. “Anywhere but here!”

Ammy followed quickly. “Ember! Why not in here?”

Ember rounded a corner and found herself standing in Fancy Fare’s dining area. “This is the best restaurant in town! You had better not touch a single thing, ya hear me?”

Frank paused. “Oh? And why shouldn’t We touch anything?”

Ember and Ammy stood across the room from the menacing masked mare. They stared at her for a second before Ember spoke. “Because they have the best salads in town! I only just came here for the first time with Roseluck for lunch today, and you better not mess anything up, or so help me Celestia, I’ll.. I’ll… I’ll get really mad!”

Ammy turned to face her companion. “Wait. You had lunch with Roseluck today? After I reminded you about the company policy? What the hay? Ember!”

“Oops.” Ember’s shoulders fell. “Umm, it wasn’t a date! I promise.”

“Wait. We are lost. Your criminal foe is about to wreak havoc upon a local business, and the interesting part of the conversation is that the yellow one had a date today?” Frank cocked her head to the side.

“NO!” shouted Ember.

“YES!” yelled Ammy.

“Oh, my. This should be fun. Carry on.” Frank hopped into a barstool to watch the two talk.

“You disobeyed my orders? Again?” Ammy shouted. “Luna take you, you just can’t stop yourself, can you?”

“It wasn’t a date! We just took our lunch hours together, ate some flowers together, told stories together, laughed together, and… It wasn’t a date!” Ember said quickly.

“That’s totally a date! Just just perfectly described a date! A good one too!” Ammy facehoofed.

“It was not!”

“It was soooooo a date!”

“Not!”

“Actually, we agree with the hotflank. Thou has described a date.” Frank nodded solemnly.

“Thank you, Frank!” Ammy replied.

“It is our pleasure!” Frank crooned.

“Ammy! I promise, there was no date-age! No dateypoo! Not a date!”

Ammy gritted her teeth. “We’ll talk about this later. We have more important things to do…” She turned to face Frank.

Frank nodded. “Yes. Quite so.” She didn't move from her spot. After a moment, she looked back and forth between the two. “Wait. What are we doing, exactly?”

“Chasing you!” Ember and Ammy yelled together.

“Oh. Yes. Sorry, We forgot. We quite enjoyed this episode of thy soap opera. We eagerly await the next.” She smirked. “Now, We know that this restaurant is an important site to you, yellow one. Thus, we shall not desecrate it.”

Ammy growled. “Why would you do that?”

“Because we thought of somewhere much more fun to play…” Frank grinned mischievously.

“Oh, yeah? Where’s that?” Ember asked.

Frank’s grin intensified. “Thy office.” With that, she leaped from her seat and bolted out the side door.

Ember saw Ammy’s expression go completely blank for a moment. A second later, Ammy’s face flushed dark purple, and a guttural growl escaped her throat.

“Oh, ponyfeathers…” Ember muttered. “Ammy, don’t get mad, don’t get mad, don’t get m—”

“OH, NO YOU DON’T!” Ammy screamed at Frank. She turned her wild eyed gaze to Ember. “WE’LL DEAL WITH YOUR DATE SHENANIGANS SOON. BUT FIRST, I HAVE A CRIMINAL SCUM TO STOP!” With that, she shot off like a bottle rocket, knocking aside tables and chairs and breaking down the side door.

“Great. Just great…” Ember muttered. “Me and my stupid mouth…” She sighed and walked after her partner. “Not a date… Not a date…”

***

Amethyst galloped forward with a burst of speed as Frank pranced into their office. She had shut the door behind her, but with a burst of her own magic, Amethyst was able to push through. She stood in the doorway, steam escaping from her nostrils as she looked at the scene before her.

All of her organization, her papers filed in neat ‘done’ and ‘to-do’ list according to cases, finances, and clients had all been accumulated in the center of the room. Right next to a grinning Frank.

Amethyst’s breath caught in her throat, her eyes went wide before they narrowed, and her voice lowered harshly. “You wouldn’t dare…”

Frank only gave the unicorn another smug grin before she lit her horn, and all of Amethyst’s hard work went airborne in an unorganized, scattered mess.

”Nooooooo!” Amethyst screamed to the heavens above as she watched all of her paperwork flutter to the ground. “You… you monster!”

Frank raised her head and cackled like a mad mare. “Mwahahahahaha! You never stood a chance against Us! We are the bane of all that is orderly! We are the chaos that haunts you in your dreams! We! Are! Fra—”

“Amethyst, no matter what happened, I swear it wasn’t a date! I didn’t even get her address! We didn’t even snuggle!” Ember shouted as she burst into the office.

Amethyst gritted her teeth. “I said that we’d deal with you later!” She used her magic to pull the floating paper into stacks. “Just get her!”

“On it!” Ember shot towards Frank again, who nimbly dodged out of the way. Ember predicted this though, and she planted her hooves on the wall before she crashed into it. She used the boost to fly at Frank again, this time making solid contact. The two mares rolled on the ground for a moment before they stopped, with Ember on top pinning Frank down. “We got some food and talked about stuff! That’s all it was!”

They rolled again, this time with Frank on top and pinning Ember to the ground with her magic. “We think thou art simply in self denial! Thou hast most definitely gone on a date this day!” Frank’s horn glowed bright once more, and a nearby filing cabinet floated into the air…

… only to have Amethyst land atop it.

“No! No more! You’ve done enough damage already!”

Frank growled. “Unhoof the object of our desires, fiend!”

“You’re the fiend! They were innocent pieces of paperwork! They never did anything to you!”

“They didn’t, but I’m about to.” Frank’s gaze left Amethyst to turn her attention to Ember, who had just broken free of her magical grip and tackled her to the ground.

Or at least she would have, had Frank not teleported a few feet to the left and Ember missed completely, instead crashing into Amethyst’s filing cabinet and sending papers flying everywhere.

The following shriek of dismay could be heard for miles around.

“Heh, sorry Ammy.”

Amethyst’s eye twitched rapidly before she blinked and glared daggers at Frank, who actually looked slightly dismayed for a brief second.

“I’ve had just about enough of you!” Amethyst yelled as she pulled herself free from the filing cabinet.

“That goes double for me!” Ember took her stance next to Amethyst, preparing to jump Frank again.

Frank grinned again. “Thou cannot catch Frank! She is too cunning!”

They jumped forward as Frank began to dance away.

For the next few minutes, anyone observing A & E Investigations, LLC would think a small earthquake was taking place inside the building. It shook, it wobbled, it even floated in the air for a moment before setting itself back down on its foundation.

At the end of the commotion, however, three ponies lay exhausted on the floor. Ember laid atop Frank’s back, hooves spread out across her back in a vain attempt to keep her in place.

“Got… “ She gasped. “You now… “ She gasped again. “Frank… “

Frank either did not hear her or did not care, as she was engaged in a battle of wills with the unicorn laying in front of her. The two ponies were fighting over a small coffee cup with a pencil inside. Frank would flip the cup over so it would balance delicately on the pencil, only for Amethyst to flip it back upright and place it on its bottom.

This battle of epic proportions lasted for about thirty more seconds before Frank suddenly sat up, sending Ember tumbling off her back. “We concede!” She placed a forehoof over her forehead in a dramatic fashion. “Truly,thy grit and determination cannot be surpassed! We acknowledge our inferiority and submit to you, A & E investigations!” Frank spoke as she trotted over, and collapsed onto their couch.

Amethyst and Ember looked to each other in surprise before looking back at Frank.

“You… give up?” Amethyst asked tentatively.

Frank merely flicked her tail.

“Just like that?” Ember blinked.

“Just like that,” Frank confirmed. “Now if thou would be so kind as to alert the authorities so that We may go to our cozy, if-ever-so-loathed, jail cell, We would be thankful.”

Amethyst prodded Ember in the side for a moment, and the two turned away from Frank to talk in private.

“This doesn’t seem right. No perp ever gives up just like that.” Amethyst motioned back to Frank.

“Well, most perps also don’t turn everything in Ponyville upside down,” Ember said, a frown on her face..

“True enough, but she doesn’t seem like a mental ward patient. And even if she was, I don’t think anypony like that could handle their magic so… masterfully.”

Ember blinked. “So what do you think?”

Amethyst’s horn lit and she levitated a pair of hoof cuffs and a magical inhibitor out of her nearby upside down desk. “Just in case,” she said to Ember before attaching said items to Frank.

Frank merely wiggled a bit and attempted to get more comfortable on their couch.

“Now, about calling the authorities,” Amethyst began.

“Wait!” Ember said. She walked over to Frank. “I think we need to know now…”

Frank shifted uncomfortably as Ember climbed on top of her. “Wait, what are you d— UNHAND US!”

Ember reached down with a hoof and grabbed the mask. “Finally, we can see who you are, you menace! And our foe is…” She removed the mask and gasped.

Amethyst moved over to look at Frank’s face. In Ember’s hooves was a mask, but on Frank’s face was… Another mask!

Ember looked at the mask she held. Then she looked at Frank. She shook her head. She looked at Frank. She looked back at her hooves. “Are you bucking kidding me?”

Frank cackled madly. “Oh, this is too rich! We shall remember this moment!”

Ember threw the mask away and yanked the mask off Frank’s face. She pulled her hooves away and stared at yet another mask. She gasped again and repeated the process. Over and over, Ember kept revealing more masks.

Frank smiled smugly. “Hast thou given up yet?”

Ember wailed and jumped to the floor. “Yes! Ammy, just call the police! I can’t take this insanity any more!”

“No need for that, miss. We’re already here.”

A tan stallion in a blue officer outfit and sunglasses strode into the office, followed by a grey stallion in the same getup.

“What?” Amethyst jumped and turned around. “How did you know to come here?”

“And why are you wearing sunglasses at night?” Ember added, pulling herself off the floor. She had obviously already forgotten her dismay at the mask situation.

Amethyst smacked her. “Priorities, Ember,” she growled.

The stallion grinned. “We didn’t.” He nodded towards Frank on the couch. “She lead us here. You may recall the apple stand that the suspect and your partner defiled.”

“Oh yeah.” Ember giggled. “Seriously, who does that? Just leaves out an apple stand in the dead of night?”

“They don’t,” the grey stallion answered. “It was a control; a lure for the suspect. It worked, though we weren’t expecting you two as well.”

“Of course, a control!” Amethyst slapped a hoof to her forehead. “How did I not see that?!”

“And, ma’am.” The officer turned to Ember. “Sunglasses are cool. At any time of the day or night.”

Ember giggled.

A few minutes later, a barred police wagon was pulled up to their door. After carrying Frank outside, she was promptly thrown in. “This one’s been ahoof for a while.” The stallion pulling the wagon spoke up. “Suspect was wanted for tampering of property, disturbing the peace, and public unrest.”

Frank stood in her prison. “And We would have gotten away with it too! Were it not for you meddling fillies!” With that, the police wagon spurred into motion and disappeared down the street. The two remaining officers turned to Amethyst and Ember. “Thanks for your help, ladies. Expect the reward in the mail sometime tomorrow. Have a good night.” The two stallions turned and trotted off into the night, leaving a stunned Amethyst and a smiling Ember.

“Did he say… ?”

“He did!”

The two mares trotted rapidly in place for a moment before they shared a hoofbump. “Reward!” they said simultaneously.

Afterwards, Amethyst placed a hoof to her muzzle and yawned. “Well, I don’t know about you Ember, but I think I’m going to grab my things and head home for the night. I’m utterly exhausted.”

“Likewise, Ammy. See you tomorrow morning?”

“Definitely.” Amethyst nodded. “Feel free to take your time too. We’re going to need all the shut eye we can get.”

“What’s this?” Ember put a hoof to her ear. “Ammy actually encouraging tardiness? Whatever happened to that ‘if you’re not fifteen minutes early you’re late’ bit?”

“It’s begging for sleep, like the rest of me.” Amethyst said, yawning again. Ember giggled.

“Okay, see you tomorrow Ammy!”

“Bye!” Amethyst trotted into her office, in a good mood for once. However her ears splayed back against her head upon seeing the warzone their office had become once again. “Ugh, this is going to take weeks!”

***

PONYVILLE POLICE DEPARTMENT HOLDING CELLS, 11:4 AM

Amethyst straightened her fedora while she and Ember waited at the desk in what passed for the Ponyville County Jail. Although the small town featured countless emergency situations, numerous chaotic emergencies, and the most insane list of past disasters to have ever decorated a town or city of any size in all of Equestria, the town had never suffered from a large number of criminals. As such, the ‘jail,’ which was really just a holding area until perpetrators could be taken to an actual jail in Canterlot or some other city that actually featured a criminal element, was small, understaffed, and had more holes than Ember’s book of coupons back at the office.

Ember sniffed beside her. She scratched her mane beneath her beret and turned the page of her magazine. Amethyst poked her partner in the ribs. Ember looked up at her. “What?”

“So, Ember. Pop quiz. Is a jail really a jail if the only guards on duty are a sleeping old stallion at reception and a single green mare who jumps at every shadow in the building?”

Ember giggled and Amethyst saw her eyes travel around the room. The pegasus took in the napping white-maned stallion who grunted, giggled, and drooled at his desk, the unlocked door to the holding area itself, and the aqua-coated mare inside the holding area who gazed warily around the room.

“Ammy, she’s blue, not green.”

Amethyst glared at the impudent grinning mare. “You know what I mean.”

Ember giggled again. “I know, I know. I guess it really isn’t a jail, is it?”

Amethyst shook her head. “Actually, it’s still a jail. just a really bad one. I just hope that they manage to hold onto Frank… She’s on an entirely different level from these ponies. Celestia, if we get in there and she’s not there, I’ll be—”

Ember stuck her hoof into Amethyst’s mouth. “Ammy! Don’t do that! You know what happens if you say stuff like that! Words have power! You could make it happen!”

Amethyst batted the other mare’s leg away. “Have you been reading those crazy magazines again? I told you, Smooze isn’t returning, Princess Cadence isn’t a Changeling in disguise, at least not anymore, and the Word-Faith movement breaks so many laws of physics that you… You just have no idea.”

Ember gasped. “Smooze is returning?!”

Amethyst facehoofed. “Luna dammit, Ember…”

“Ahem…” the elderly stallion behind the desk cleared his throat. “Visiting hours began forty minutes ago. Do you want to go in or not?”

Amethyst’s head swung to face him. “We’ve been waiting here for forty minutes for no reason? Seriously?”

The stallion nodded. “Eeyup. You might want to hurry, though. Visiting hours end in twenty minutes.”

Ember’s jaw dropped. “What? Are you pulling my leg right now? Why would you even say visiting hours? That’s just one hour! And what do you guys have to do that would not let us visit, anyways? You have, like, one pony in here, and she’s… You’re asleep again, aren’t you?”

The stallion sat with his head flopped backward in his chair. His snores echoed through the room.

“Forget it, Ember.” Amethyst stood up and walked over to the door. “I’ll take what we can get.

Ember grumbled and followed her. “Stallions… Geez.” She rolled her eyes as Amethyst walked through the unlocked door.

The blue pegasus guard jumped into the air in fright. “Eep!” She raised her spear.

“Woah, calm down there, buck-o.” Ammy flashed her badge. “We’re the P. I.’s who assisted in apprehending this criminal. We’re just here to talk to her before they haul her sorry flank off to Canterlot.”

“Oh!” The mare dropped her spear and quickly snapped to attention and saluted. “Uh, ma’am yes, ma’am!”

Amethyst sighed. “Ya know, you aren’t supposed to salute me. I’m not your boss or anything…”

The mare gazed at her, confused.

“Whatever.” Amethyst continued down the hallway.

“Eep!” The frightened guard shrieked again, and Amethyst turned around just in time to see Ember smack the spear out of her hands.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A GUARD? WHY, IF I WERE YOUR DRILL SERGEANT, YOU’D BE BACK IN MILITARY KINDERGARTEN FOR THAT AWFUL SPEAR MOVEMENT! AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN SALUTE ME! NO, IT’S TOO LATE NOW! DROP AND GIVE ME TWO THOUSAND! THAT’S AN ORDER, GRUB!”

Amethyst slowly banged her head against the wall as Ember finished her monologue. Her partner walked toward her and away from the guard, who was now busy doing pushups as quickly as she possibly could. Ember’s face seemed fit to burst as she contained her giggles.

“That wasn’t nice, Ember.”

“Yeah, but it was hilarious! Besides, they made us wait for forty minutes! I could have been napping! Or at the spa! Or napping!” Ember adjusted her scarf indignantly.

Amethyst shook her head. “Just… Oh, that’s enough, guard! She was joking!”

The guard eeped once more and stood back up. She looked down at the floor and hugged her spear to her belly.

“Let’s just see Frank and get out of here…” Amethyst shook her head.

The hallway wasn’t very long, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out what cell Frank occupied. It was the only one that had a closed cell door. Amethyst rounded the corner and looked into the c—

“Oh. My. Celestia…”

“What? What is it, Ammy?” Ember asked. She trotted over to the cell, but Amethyst stood in her way.

“Um, Ember. I just want you to know that a single incident of some crackpot theory being correct does not prove that the said crackpot theory is correct. Please don’t confuse correlation with causation…”

Ember cocked her head. “Uh, okay… What’s this about, Ammy?”

Amethyst sighed. “I’m going to have to write a strongly worded letter to Mayor Mare about her security…”

Ember rounded the corner and Amethyst heard her gasp. Amethyst shook her head, sighed again, and turned her gaze back to the cell. The upside down, completely destroyed, and ever-so-very unoccupied cell.

“I told you, Ammy! I told you not to say it! You totally jinxed it!”

Amethyst pushed the door open. The hinges had been flipped, so the lock was completely ineffective. It seemed as if the entire room had been lifted up and flipped completely over. The bed was stuck to what was now the ceiling. The toilet had fallen from the “floor” and broken pieces of porcelain were scattered about the “ceiling.” And, finally, the wall opposite the entrance had been completely blown open. All that remained was the barred window. Attached to the bars was a single paper note.

“Ember, look at that…” Amethyst walked over to the upside down window that had somehow survived whatever Frank had done.

Ember trotted over to her. “What does it say?”

Amethyst grabbed the note and read aloud, “‘Dear friends, we greatly enjoyed the previous evening. We even liked the short stay in this jail cell! The sweet mare outside the door is so sweet, and yet very easy to frighten! It was a simple matter to fool her into turning off the magic neutralizer! After all, it makes the most terrifying noises, wouldn’t you agree?’”

Ember gasped. “The fiend! How dare she?”

Amethyst shook her head. “‘Anyways, as much as We would love to stay and face trial, We do have duties that require our attendance. But worry not! Thou shalt not be bothered by us again. You truly have saved Ponyville from the wrath of the mighty and majestic Frank, the Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer! That name has grown upon us! We shall see thee again, however. And maybe next time, you’ll actually be able to take off my mask! That, would be nice, wouldn’t it, yellow one?’”

Ember huffed and shook her head.

“‘Oh, and before We forget! We need a villainous catch phrase! ‘Better luck next time, sweetflanks! Just kidding! Thou canst not catch Frank! She is too cunning!’ How was that? Eagerly awaiting your response (hehe), ~~Princess L~~ Frank, the Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer. P.S. Ignore that last crossed out part. We would erase, but our pencil is subpar.’”

Amethyst glared at the paper. “I wonder what that crossed out ‘Princess’ means? And what about the ‘L’?”

Her thoughts were interrupted, however, as Ember fell to her knees and shouted at the top of her lungs.

“FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!”

****

CANTERLOT CASTLE, SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

Inside Canterlot Castle, a shadow crept. It snuck past the night guards, made barely a sound as it crossed the marble floor of the main hall, and moved swiftly up the stairs.

Only upon reaching a particular door, did the shadow realize its mistake. As the door was pushed open, a creak that could have woken the dead reverberated through the small hallway. After a quick flash of magic it was silenced, but the shadow was sure somepony was awake by now.

It quickly slipped through the door before anyone could see it. There, mere inches away, lay the objects of its desires. The royal bed.

With another flash of magic, the shadow shed its disguise. A long, majestic mane flowed freely from the shadow’s blackened figure. The blackness that made up its body fell away, revealing a pony underneath adorned with lunar regalia.

A few more adjustments to make her wings reappear, and to make the color of her eyes change back to normal, and the shadow was none other than Princess Luna.

She sighed, but it was a happy sigh. A small smile adorned her features. Her horn lit up the darkened room with her bright aura, and the mask that covered her eyes lifted from her face. Luna carefully set it back into one of the drawers underneath her royal mirror, then turned to surrender to the blissful embrace of sleep for the night.

What she received instead, was much different.

“Lu-Lu! You’re back!” With a burst of confetti and a bright flash of light, the spirit of disharmony appeared before her.

Luna panicked, then quickly tackled Discord to the floor.

“Wilt thou keep it down?!” she hissed. “We do not wish to wake Our sister!”

Discord blinked before vanishing from her grasp, then re-appeared in the air above her. “Oh relax. Don’t think I ever lay my stakes on the table without a back-up plan.”

Princess Luna narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. “What dost thou mean…?”

“Let’s just say that our ‘fair’ Princess may have found a little extra something in her dinner this evening, and will be getting some well deserved extra sleeping time.” Discord summoned a bed, covers, pajamas, and a nightcap as he spoke, pretending to sleep. He even sucked his thumb.

Luna took a second to process this before she blanched, then took an aggressive step towards the draconequss. “Did thou…drug our sister? This does not look good for your ‘reforming’ Discord!”

The bed and nightgown disappeared with another white flash, and Discord stared at Luna indignantly. “Oh Luna, you don’t truly think I’m so unimaginitive that I have to resort to drugs do you?” Discord stroked his beard. “On second thought, Discord’s ‘Behavior Altering Chaos Pills’ does sound fun… And marketable!”

Luna snorted. “Did you drug Our sister or did you not?”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Honestly! It’s not my fault that she has a cake problem!” Another flash, and Discord was dressed in a white lab coat, holding some sort of bubbling potion. He held another potion over it. “Most ponies would notice if their pastries had a masterfully but oh so diabolically engineered potion in it!” He let a small drop loose, and the mixture exploded in his face, leaving it blackened.

“So you did drug her!”

Discord flashed back to his normal self. “Potions aren’t drugs! It says so in the Dictionarisaurus!” He summoned a book with the word ‘Dictionarisaurus’ on the cover, as well as a pair of reading glasses. “Let’s see here, potions, potions, potions… aha!” He presented the page to Luna. Where he had marked his claw, the word ‘sleeping potion’ was defined. The text read ‘100% not a drug!’ along with a picture of Discord giving a thumbs up. “So she might be asleep for a few extra minutes… or hours… what’s the big deal?”

Luna rolled her eyes. “So a sleeping potion. Fine. But We have another question for you.”

Discord threw the book and glasses out the window, accompanied by the sound of a crash and a shrieking cat. “Oh?”

Luna levitated her mask out of her drawer, holding it up for him to see. “Did thou enchant Our mask? Our chase buddies tried to remove the mask from us, but…” Luna scrunched her face up. “There was just another one.”

Discord grinned. “Well, it wouldn’t have been any fun if there wasn’t any risk, would it?”

Luna cocked her head. “What dost thou mean?”

In another flash of light, Luna and Discord were sitting in a movie theatre. “Imagine being a humble citizen of Ponyville for a moment, would you Lu-Lu?” An old black and white film began playing, showing a pony with Discord’s face plastered onto it walking into his home. “Imagine, you’re just coming home after a hard day’s work, only to find—” The pony Discord’s face in the movie contorted into one of a horror, and the text ‘Oh my goodness!’ came up on the screen.

“That all of your belonging have been compromised! All of your organization, gone!” The pony Discord’s face turned into an angry frown.

‘Who is responsible for this?’ came up on the screen next.

“Obviously you’d want retribution yes, vengeance, yes? And you seek it, only to find...”

The real Discord appeared on screen in a flash of smoke.

‘It was me the whole time!’

The pony Discord merely chuckled and shook his head. ‘Oh, you.’

Several copy Discords in the audience began to boo and throw fruit at the screen, and in another flash they were back in the castle, albeit with a much more confused Luna.

“It’s not any fun for anyone if there’s no risk, Luna.” Discord bopped her on the nose.

Luna stood still for a moment. “Wait… So, it was impossible for Us to actually be discovered… And that means that there was… not no risk? So there was risk?”

Discord nodded sagely. He floated into the air and started drinking from a pineapple.

“But… But… Isn’t that no risk at all for Us? Wouldn’t that ruin the fun for Us, by thy own reasoning?”

Discord laughed and threw his pineapple under the bed. “Oh, Luna. You’re so silly. You just don’t understand, do you?” He patted her head softly. “There was risk because you thought there was risk. If there had been no risk and you knew that there was no risk, the risk wouldn’t be there! But if there was risk and you thought that there was risk, the risk is yours, not theirs! But if there was no risk and you thought there was risk, there was risk! But there wasn’t, so the ponies had risk as well, because the risk lay in the lack of risk to you, which you interpreted as risk, so you both had risk! It’s perfect!” He flopped onto her bed and put on a pair of sunglasses.

Luna stared at the wall. She rubbed her head with a hoof. “Our head hurts now…”

Discord laughed. “Oh, you silly princess. Here, have a pamphlet. I’m teaching a seminar!” He tossed a sheet of paper to her. On the front was a picture of Discord sitting at a desk and holding an apple and a pointer. Behind him was a blackboard with an A+ on it. ‘Chaos Theory 101: Pretty Much Most of the Stuff You Wanted, But Did Not Know That You Wanted, To Know! Now In Real 3-D!’

Luna tossed the pamphlet away. “We still don’t get it.”

Discord sighed melodramatically. He fell backward onto a chaise lounge that appeared in the air. “Oh, Luna. Allow me to spell it out. If you were caught, would they ever punish you at all?”

Luna shook her head. “No. We are the ruler of the night, and it would be— Oh…”

Discord clapped slowly. “Exactly. There would be no risk to you. You’d get a slap on the wrist, just because you’re a princess. But if they couldn’t figure out who you were, you could be arrested, or even put on trial! It makes the whole deal that much sweeter!”

“Well, why couldn’t you just have said that instead of the whole ‘risk’ monologue?” Luna huffed.

Discord cackled. “Because.”

Luna scrunched her muzzle then shook her head. She levitated her mask back to its rightful place. “Okay… but what if they were to discover Us at a later date?”

“Also covered.” Discord blew on his claws and rubbed them on his fur. “You’ve got a disguise spell on you Lu-Lu. Nopony will ever know it was you. They look at you, and the hamster wheels inside their brains just don’t turn!” He snapped his claw, and a sleeping hamster inside a wheel appeared beside him. “They just can’t figure it out!”

Luna blinked again before smiling smugly. “Huh. Perhaps We were unduly harsh on Our chase buddies, then. If thou hast enchanted us, then their ignorance of Our identity makes sense…” She nodded to herself. “Very well.” She trotted past him, but Discord followed, hovering in the air slightly above her.

“I suppose you’re worried that everyone might find out about your soul crushing defeat by the Lord of Chaos, on the grounds of our little wager?”

Luna cast a smirk back at him. “Oh yes, Our wager. You wanted to weave everypony’s dreams for the next month, yes?”

Discord nodded eagerly before snickering. “I long to see the look on Celestia’s face when she’s tap-dancing in a tu-tu before a theatre of buffalo.”

“We are afraid you will have to keep longing, Discord.” Discord’s snickering turned into a confused frown as he looked down at Luna. After a moment, he exploded into laughter again.

“Oh Lu-Lu! Always the jokester! You cannot truly expect me to believe that you managed to meet the quota for ‘maximum chaos’ on the very last day, can you?” Luna’s smirk did not falter. After a moment, she turned and trotted away from him.

“Perhaps thou should go see for thyself!” Discord stared after her for a moment in disbelief before shaking his head.

“Fine, maybe I will!” He vanished from sight, then appeared again above Ponyville square. “Lousy Moonbutt, thinking she can out-chaos the chaos… king…” Discord’s jaw hit the floor, literally.

The centerpiece of Ponyville, the grand statue of princess Celestia, was completely inverted, balanced upon its pristine horn. All around the town square, shops had also been turned onto their roofs, and teams of ponies were working to flip them back over. Oddly, a restaurant was the only thing that was untouched. Ponies ran to and fro in the streets to help where they could, but it was obvious it was going to take a while. A frustrated groan came from a certain purple pony as she strode into Quills and Sofas to see the merchandise in its inverted state, and further towards the edge of town a small building named ‘A&E Investigations’ had its papers, desks, and other pieces of furniture scattered about the inside. With a growl, Discord teleported back to the palace.

“I refuse to believe you caused that much chaos! How did you cheat?”

Luna giggled slightly. “The lord of chaos himself accuses Us of cheating? My, we must have done a very good job.” After another growl from Discord, Luna cleared her throat. “I believe part of the grounds for ‘maximum chaos’ was causing somepony else to wreak chaos, correct? You may thank one of our chase buddies, Ember, for that.”

Discord’s face was beginning to turn red. “And the excessive chaos for one pony?!”

“We do believe you saw the building A&E Investigations?” Luna smirked. “We think that the pony named ‘Ammy’ will be working on that mess for quite a while. And we reached the quota for ‘maximum chaos’ in the town, it seems as though it takes the whole town to undo what We have done to it. I’d say that is quite chaotic, wouldn’t you?”

Discord made several disgruntled animal noises before he crossed his arms, turned away from Luna, and sat on the floor.

“I guess that means you win…”

Luna brushed her mane aside and put a hoof to her ear. “We are sorry Discord, Our hearing is not what it used to be. Could you repeat that?”

“You...” Discord bit his tongue, then sighed. “You win.”

Luna pranced around the room happily. “Huzzah! Perhaps thou will think twice before challenging she who has made nobles make preparations both physical and mental when they paid a visit to our castle when we were still young.” Luna giggled. “Ah, the jokes we pulled…”

Discord slowly began to slink out of the room, until he was caught by a blue aura.

“And where dost thou think thou is going?”

“Oh poo.”

~Later that night…~

“... and so, as we can see, if we were to route some of the yearly rainfall from the poor sector over to some of the more wealthy sector of Fillydelphia, our economy could see a .5% rise! Is that not fascinating, Princess Luna?”

“Tis! For I am Princess Luna, and certainly not pretending to give a buck just so thou departs from our presence!”

“Odd... your sister said the same thing...”

‘Princess Luna’ robotically nodded her head, and simply smiled back, as she always did. Behind the throne however, a certain Draconequus was making a drawing.

...Well, he had already made a drawing of a stick figure noble eaten by a swarm of parasprites, but that was besides the point. This drawing, he had a good feeling about it. It was brilliant, the perfect plan he needed to get revenge on Princess Luna, and the pony that had helped her. The one she called ‘Ember’.

“This...” Discord grinned as he held up the drawing. “This will be fun.”

Epilogue

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AMETHYST BREEZE’S HOME, PONYVILLE, 7PM

Amethyst trudged down the dirt road known as ‘Mane Street’, dragging her hooves every step of the way. It had been a long day. After their discovery of Frank’s escape, Amethyst returned to their office to try and clean up the mess Frank made. She made very little progress, and afterwards she had to write up more paperwork pertaining to Frank’s escape. Needless to say, she was very, very tired.

Ember left in the middle of Amethyst’s cleaning spree, spouting something about needing to ‘get ready’. Amethyst suspected it had something to do with Roseluck, but she was too tired to really care. Though she may have acted otherwise, Ember was a grown mare and could take care of herself. As long as she didn’t do anything stupid and get herself hurt or worse, Amethyst wasn’t worried.

Her horn gave a bright flash and the door to her small home opened. She quickly stepped inside, and as soon as the door closed behind her, she let out a long overdue sigh.

Amethyst levitated her ever-faithful fedora to the coat rack just beside her door, then trotted into her living room. As far as she was concerned, there was really only one thing she was interested in doing. Amethyst reached her destination, closed her eyes, and then face-planted onto her couch.

She revelled in the softness of the furniture. She wished she could just lay here and never have to get up for anything again ever, but she knew that couldn’t happen. She inhaled the sweet aroma of home, then sighed again. That was for another time. For now, she could relax. She was alone.

Amethyst had just began to drift off into the blissful embrace of sleep when a knock at her door caused her ears to perk. She sat up onto her rump, glaring with disdain at the door before she yawned.

“I’m— “ She yawned again, and slowly pushed herself onto her hooves. “—coming.”

The knocking persisted, and Amethyst gave an annoyed snort as she made her way to the door. “Ember, if this is you, I’m not in the mood for anymore antics tonight. It’d be much appreciated if you could save them for tomorrow.” Amethyst jerked open the door, then all of her annoyance, as well as any more hope for a pleasant evening, faded away instantly.

Beyond the doorway, a stallion stood. He was tall, taller than she was, and his dark green eyes bore into hers. Amethyst had never seen this stallion before, but she had seen that look before. It was the same look a dragon who was looking for dinner gave to a pony. A single look, and Amethyst knew exactly why he was there.

“Oh…” Amethyst’s face fell into a frown. “I’m… I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

He wasn’t amused. He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Well, as you can plainly see, Ms. Breeze, that is not the case. I can assume that you know why I am here?”

“Is it due so soon?” Amethyst shifted in place uncomfortably. “I paid you two weeks ago. The deadline isn’t here yet.”

The corners of his mouth tugged upwards into a devious smirk. “There’s been a change in plans. New supplies are coming in soon, and we’ll need the money to make all of the purchases we need.”

If that isn’t the most half-flanked excuse I’ve ever heard… Amethyst bit her tongue.

“Right...I assume you’ll be wanting the pay now, then?”

His smirk faded, replaced with a dissatisfied frown. “What did you think I came here for? To say hello?” He sighed. “I am losing my patience, and I am on a tight schedule. Do you have the money or do you not?”

“N-no, I do, it’s just… “ Amethyst stammered, then glanced off.

“Just what, Miss Breeze?”

Amethyst closed her eyes. “Nothing. I’ll go get it.” She quietly closed the door and made her way over to the saddlebags she’d unceremoniously tossed onto the floor when she’d entered the house. As she began counting the bits, the faces of those who’d paid her and Ember flashed into her mind. Ember… Would she be able to hide the loss of this much money without her noticing?

After she made sure she had all of the bits she needed, she opened the door and laid the bag of bits into the pony’s outstretched hoof. “There, take your money and leave.”

“You’re in no position to make demands.” The stallion gave her another smirk before he began to count the bits. When he was satisfied, he lowered his hoof. “How did you come up with this?”

Amethyst blinked. “I-I’m sorry?”

“We are not dumb, Miss Breeze. We protect our investments, and we happen to know about your lack of funds as of late. We were not expecting you to make the payment this time.” The stallion stuck the bag of bits into his own saddlebag before turning back around to face her with a curious stare.

“You’ve been spying on me?” His smirk told her everything she needed to know. “That wasn’t part of the agreement! You said—”

“The agreement that you broke, Miss Breeze.” Amethyst’s ears splayed backwards and she looked down at the floor.

“I… I—”

“Save your excuses, Miss Breeze. They mean very little to me.” He re-counted the bits in his hoof before putting them away in his saddlebag. “The next payment is two hundred bits.”

Amethyst raised her head, eyes wide in shock. “You cannot be serious! That’s more than double this week’s!” Her sudden outburst drew the attention of some passing ponies, who looked towards the two in curiosity. Amethyst realized her mistake and cleared her throat, quieting her tone. “I thought we agreed on a set payment?”

“We’ve changed our minds.” The stallion adjusted the hat on his head idly. “And if you want to keep things the way they are, I think it’s in your best interest that you comply.” The stallion nodded. “Good evening, Miss Breeze.” He turned and trotted away, his silhouette joining the other ponies’ in the dark of the night.

Amethyst watched him go for a moment more before she quietly closed the door. She lowered her head, so her mane fell over her eyes. “I will not cry… “ Amethyst’s hoof fell away from the door. “I will not cry… “ She began to shake. “I will not… “ Wetness streamed down her face from under her mane. “O-oh… “ Amethyst sat on the floor, covering her face with her hooves as sobs racked her body and tears streamed from her eyes. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” She pounded her hoof onto the floor with each iteration of the word, her sobs becoming less and less as she began to think.

Two hundred bits… where on Equestria am I going to get that? She jerked her head up with a gasp. She clamored back to her hooves and galloped for her study. She knocked over a lamp and some furniture on the way, her sight marred by tears. Once she reached her study, she began to yank out drawers with fervor.

She levitated a file from one of the drawers, then quickly set it down on the desk and opened it.

“What can I get rid of?” she mumbled to herself. Looking over the documents, it appeared that she could reduce pay. Maybe she could ask Ember about that? No, that wouldn’t be an option. Ember would ask questions, and she couldn’t afford that.

She could cut her Air Conditioning, or maybe her electricity. They were all things she didn’t need anyways, she was hardly ever home.

Home.

She gazed at the house around her. She didn’t really need her home. She was hardly ever here anyways.

That was it, she could sell her house. She might make enough bits to cover the next payment. In addition to whatever she and Ember earned from their next case, she might even make a surplus.

With a sigh, Amethyst closed the file and leaned back into her chair. Her eyes slowly drifted to a close and she smiled. Everything was going to be fine.

MAPLE STREET, PONYVILLE, 9PM

“... So then I told him, ‘No! That’s the carpet cleaner!’” Roseluck stamped her hoof on the ground and howled with laughter.

Ember threw her head back and guffawed. “Oh, no. What did he say next?”

Rose gasped for breath. “Nothing! He just kept rubbing it into his mane and started glaring at me.”

Ember’s laughter echoed off the buildings lining the side of the wide road. A passing stallion and mare shot the two mares disapproving glares, but they didn’t care. They kept walking down the lane, enjoying the moonlight and each other’s company.

“Rose, your family sounds great.” Ember adjusted her scarf and smiled at her date.

Rose returned the grin. “They really are. Even if my brother-in-law is a bit kooky.”

“Well, every family has one or two of those. I mean, I have Ammy, after all!”

Rose nodded. “I don’t know Amethyst well enough to see that part, but I’ll take your word for it.”

“Oh, you should see her with her siblings. You’d see what I mean.” Ember shook her head with a chortle.

“I bet. Every family does have one, though.” Rose cocked her head to the side. “But what about your family, Ember? We’ve talked about mine all evening, and about you and Amethyst, but you haven’t said anything about your family.”

Ember’s grin faded a bit. “Well… let’s just say that Ammy and her family are a lot closer to me than my own.” She shook her head. “Rose, I had a great evening, and I really want to end it on a fun note. Can we talk about something else?”

Roseluck nodded immediately. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bring up a touchy subject.” She smiled at Ember. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk later, I hope.”

Ember grinned lopsidedly in return. “Yeah… I had a lot of fun tonight, Rose.”

“Me too, Ember.” Roseluck nodded at a house surrounded by a beautiful garden. “Well, this is it.”

Ember gazed at the cottage. It wasn’t the largest house on the street, but it was very well kept, and it had a pleasantly homey air to it. Ember didn’t know how else to think about it. The picket fence around the small yard was covered in perfectly white paint, the garden was immaculate, and the house itself had all the charm of Roseluck and Ponyville. It was perfect, and it was so completely Roseluck that Ember could practically feel it.

“Wow! Your house is gorgeous! I love the garden!” Ember exclaimed.

Rose blushed in the pale moonlight, and it brought a smile to Ember’s face. The beautiful earth pony twirled a lock of her hair around her hoof. “Aww. I know it’s not too much compared to what you’re used to in Canterlot or Manehatten, but I love it.”

“No, really.” Ember met her eyes. “I mean it. It’s great.”

Rose giggled. “Well, maybe you should see it in the daytime, then!”

Ember grinned. “I’d like that.”

“How about on Tuesday? Would you be busy that afternoon and evening?” Rose flipped her mane.

Ember smirked. “Well, that depends, Miss. What are you suggesting?”

“Hmm… I happen to know of a beautiful meadow just outside of Ponyville… There’s a lake so peaceful that you can see your reflection as well as if you’d used Rarity’s best mirror and so clear that you can see all the way to the bottom at any time of year. The hills around it have the most magnificent trees that you’ll see south of the Surewould Forest. And when the evening comes, you have the most amazing view of the stars… So long as the sky’s clear.” She leaned in and whispered in Ember’s ear. “And I happen to know that the weather team has scheduled a perfect sky on Tuesday evening…”

Ember stood still, entranced. “Wow…”

“And, best of all, Fancy Fare has a to-go menu… So we can have a perfect picnic…”

Ember felt Rose’s breath on her ear and shifted somewhat. She looked right at the other mare. “That sound’s perfectly lovely. How could I possibly say no?”

The flower mare backed away and giggled. “I was hoping that you’d say that.”

“So, when would you get off work?”

“For this, I can close early. Meet me here at, oh, say, four?” Rose fluttered her eyelashes.

Ember nodded. “It’s a date.”

“It certainly is…” Roseluck pushed her gate open slowly. She kept eye contact with Ember the whole time.

Ember didn’t look away. For what felt like an eternity, she stared into Roseluck’s beautiful eyes. The glimmer of her irises in the moonlight… The soft curve of her mane… Her flawless eyelashes… The smell of her perfume… The smell of perfume… The smell of perfume...

Ember’s eyes went wide, and she laughed nervously. The two broke eye contact. “Well… I guess this is good night then…” She softly shut the gate behind Rose.

“I suppose so…” Rose said quietly.

Ember shot a charming smile. “Have a good night’s sleep, beautiful. I’ll see you very soon.”

She was slowly backing away when Rose interrupted her. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Ember cocked her head to the side and trotted back up to the gate. “Umm… I don’t think so, but I don’t exactly have the best memory, so it’s a distinct possibili—”

Her next words were cut off by Roseluck’s lips. The other mare smelled like roses, but she tasted like nectar. Ember’s eyes went wide, and panic filled her body as memories came flooding back to her.

Roseluck broke the kiss only a few seconds after it had begun. She blushed and looked down. “That’s how I like to say goodnight…” She smiled coyly and gave Ember another peck on the lips. “Goodnight… Ember.”

Ember felt herself smile and say something that she assumed was witty or romantic or both, but she didn’t really know what it was. As soon as Roseluck turned around and walked into her house, Ember started to shake. Her legs trembled, she felt lightheaded, and all she could smell was the perfume that brought back memories of cologne…

Ember wiped her face, her eyes unblinking. She robotically turned around and walked forward numbly. Her footing was unsure, the world spun, and all she could smell was perfume.

She closed her eyes. She squeezed them as hard as she could.

Not again, not again, not again… Ember shook her head. Her jaw clenched tightly and she walked forward, step by step. All she could smell was perfume.

Ember felt water on her face, and she looked up. The clouds in the sky weren’t storm clouds, so where was the rain coming fr… Oh. Of course. She wiped away the tear, but she still didn’t feel anything. All she could smell was perfume.

He shoulders shook. She could hardly walk straight. The wide open air closed in around her and seemed to choke her…

And all she could smell was perfume.

“Oh, p-p-ponyf-f-feathers…” She stuttered, and that was the last straw. She choked back a sob and took off running down the street to the only place that she knew that she’d feel safe. To the only pony who would make her feel safe.

And all she could smell was perfume.

AMETHYST BREEZE’S HOME, PONYVILLE, 9PM

Amethyst’s eyes opened again, and her gaze traveled down to one of the drawers of her desk. She took a deep breath, then magically opened the drawer and drew out what was inside. A plain white sheet of paper.

Amethyst gently set the paper down onto the desk in front of her, then levitated a quill and an ink container onto her desk as well. She leaned forward in her chair, trying to think about the words she was about to write.

Once she was certain she had a rough idea of what she wanted to say, she carefully placed the tip of the quill to the paper.

Dear Mr. Breeze,

The quill stopped. Amethyst pulled it away and went over the words in her head again. After another moment, she shook her head and crumpled the paper up, throwing it in the trash.

She got another piece of paper from her drawer, and tried again.

Dear Daddy,

The quill stopped again. Amethyst chewed on the inside of her cheek, then drew the quill away from the paper. She released another sigh and threw the sheet in the trash.

One more sheet of paper, one more try. She carefully set the tip of the quill onto the paper once more, and began writing anew.

Dear Father,

Amethyst nodded.

How are you doing? Things have been a bit crazy around here, but I’m still keeping my head up high, just like you told me.

The quill drew away from the paper again. Amethyst squinted and re-read the first line, before nodding to herself and continuing.

Canterlot is beautiful this time of year. Did you get to go to the Summer Sun Festival? It’s always breathtaking to watch Princess Celestia raise the sun. Just be sure to be kind to the guards in that event. I ran detail one year for that and let me tell you, much different from being a civilian.

Amethyst chuckled to herself.

Lots of ponies liked to use fake tickets. Luckily, it was relatively easy to tell the fake ones from the real ones, if you knew the right spell.

A smile slowly spread across Amethyst’s face

How is Mom doing? I know she’s got her hooves full with Whiplash and Abacus. Just let Whiplash know that if she doesn’t make good grades, she’ll never get into Wonderbolts academy. That’ll straighten her out pretty quick. As for Abacus…

The smile faded.

Wow, I haven’t been home for longer than I thought. How is Abacus doing? I don’t even know if he’s in school or not yet.

The frown persisted.

Ember keeps telling me I should visit home more often, but I’m so caught up in work here lately. Just yesterday we caught a unicorn mare who liked to turn things upside down. And no, I’m not kidding you. She would break into ponies’ homes and/or shops, grab everything (and I do mean everything) in the store with her magic, flip it one hundred and eighty degrees, and set it back down again. The way we caught her was almost just as ridiculous, if not even more so. Sometimes I think Ember treats this job more like a game than an actual… job.

A wet spot appeared on the letter.

I miss you all so much. It’s so difficult running your own business and living on your own, but I’m managing what I can do. The OCD’er (That’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer. I came up with the name. Of course, Ember decided to call her ‘Frank’. She actually thought that was better!) case rewarded us big, and I’ve got some money to keep me going for a while now.

Another wet spot. Her writing became messy.

I hope you’re doing alright, Father. I really do want to come see you soon. I love you all.

Love, Amethyst Breeze

Amethyst sighed and released the quill from her magical grasp. She set the letter aside and wiped her eyes. She could seal the letter and mail it tomorrow.

She stretched out her forelegs and rubbed her neck. With a quick application of telekinesis, she put her desk back in order and stood up from her chair.

Amethyst slowly walked over to the lamp to turn it off before heading into her room. She reached up toward the switch and—

“Ammy? Are you in there? Ammy?” The familiar voice of Ember was accompanied by a frantic knocking at the front door.

Amethyst groaned and lowered her hoof. Grumbling, she trotted over to the door.

“Ember, I swear to Luna, if this is about you wanting tomorrow off, I will…” Amethyst used her magic to grip the door handle, then jerked open the door.

Amethyst’s voice trailed off when she saw Ember beyond the newly opened door. The mare’s normally cheerful demeanor was replaced by sagging shoulders. Her usually immaculate mane was disheveled as if she had just run a marathon. Her lightly applied makeup ran down her face in wet lines. Her scarf was tangled, her beret was askew, and Amethyst’s heart nearly stopped when Ember opened her eyes.

Her eyes were the same as they’d been the last night that she’d banged on Amethyst’s door so late at night.

“Ammy…” Ember whispered. She threw herself at Amethyst and grabbed her into a fierce hug. Sobs wracked her body, and Amethyst could feel Ember’s wet face pushed into her mane.

“Hey, hey.” Amethyst hugged her friend back. “Come here, sit down…” She led Ember to the couch, and the two sat down together.

Ember didn’t say a word. She just held on as if her life depended on it. Amethyst stroked her mane and let her cry.

Finally, after several minutes, Ember cried out, “What’s so d-damn wrong with me, Ammy?”

Amethyst flinched at the words, but she didn’t back away. She pulled her best friend closer and replied softly, “Ember…” Her words failed her.

“I can’t do it!” Ember sobbed. “I j-just can’t any more! I j-j-just w-w-want t-t— Ponyfeathers! I can’t even t-t-talk!”

Amethyst slowly pulled away a little and looked Ember in the eyes. “Hey. I’m here. You can do this. Now, do you remember what we used to do? How you used to close your eyes and count in your head?”

Ember met her gaze and nodded. She shut her mouth, closed her eyes, and she and Amethyst both counted to thirty.

“Good,” Amethyst said with a smile. “Now, breathe in…” She and Ember both took a deep breath before Amethyst continued. “And breathe out… And breathe in… And breathe out…”

Ember’s breathing slowed, but when Amethyst felt hot tears spill onto her legs, she knew it hadn’t been enough.

“Okay, Ember. Can you open your eyes?”

Ember’s eyes opened slowly. Her mascara had been smeared all over her face, and her curly hair was knotted. Her beret had fallen at some point. Amethyst restrained herself from showing any emotional response to how Ember looked. Instead, she forced out a smile.

“Good job. Now, do you think you can tell me what happened?”

Ember sniffed. “Yeah, I think so…”

“Good, good. Take all the time you need.”

The pegasus mare wiped her snout and tried to blink away her tears. “I’m so sorry, Ammy…”

Amethyst’s eyes went wide. “Why are you sorry?”

“You don’t need this… You’ve been working all day, you told me this would happen… I should have listened.” Ember met her eyes once more. “I’ll just go, okay? I c-can deal with this.” She put on a wide smile, but a treacherous tear betrayed her facade.

“What? No, silly.” Amethyst grabbed her back into a hug. “No. You’re going to stay right here, and you’re going to talk to me. You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone. I won’t let you be alone, ever. Do you hear me?”

Ember returned the embrace, and Amethyst heard a raspy laugh. “Yes ma’am…”

Amethyst released her. “Can you start from the beginning?”

Clearing her throat, Ember began, “Well, Roseluck and I went out for dinner, like we planned on, and… It was great, Ammy.” She sniffed. “Like, really, really good. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. She laughed, I laughed, and it was almost perfect.” Ember smiled weakly.

“Okay… what happened next?” Amethyst nodded.

“Well, we were walking home and flirting and all that, and we got to her house and… And… And…” Ember’s words stopped short, and her sobs returned.

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey.” Amethyst pulled her into a hug again. “Did she hurt you, Ember?”

“No! She didn’t do anything wrong! Nothing!”

Amethyst stroked Ember’s tangled mane. “It’s okay…”

“She just kissed me, that’s all. A kiss! I’m freaking the Tartarus out over a motherbucking KISS!” Ember’s voice cracked, and her tears fell into Amethyst’s mane.

“I’m here, I’m here.”

“She kissed me, and it was nice, and I liked it and then, bam! I was right back in Manehattan in that room and they were there, and I was there, and I could smell it, and see it, and hear it… A-and…” She cried out and her whole body trembled.

“Ember.” Amethyst tried to interrupt her friend, but she wouldn’t stop. Her whole body shook with tears. “Ember.” She didn’t respond. “Ember.”

The pegasus clung to Amethyst with a vice-like grip. “Don’t let them take me! Ammy! Ammy! Ammmmmmmy!” she screamed.

With a flash of light, Amethyst illuminated the entire room with a brilliant white glow. All the shadows fled, and Ember’s eyes shot open.

“I’ve got you… I’ve got you…” Amethyst cradled Ember gently.

“No more, no more, no more,” Ember muttered over and over.

“Hey, hey. They can’t hurt you. They’re gone. We’re in Ponyville, remember? With all the silly country ponies, and the small streets, and the ‘detestable lack of a fashion industry,’ as you put it. You’re safe. Safe…”

Ember pulled even closer, which barely seemed possible. “Ammy, can you sing for me?”

Amethyst breathed in sharply. “Ember, you know I—”

“Please?”

Amethyst looked down at those pleading eyes, and she smiled softly. “Okay…” She grunted, feeling the tight grasp holding her chest.. “Hey, I do kinda need to breathe…”

Ember loosened her grip, and Amethyst cleared her throat. Hesitantly, she began to sing.

“I’ve got sunsh—"

Amethyst’s voice broke, and her cheeks flushed dark purple.

Ember looked up at her. “It’s fine, Ammy. Please.”

Taking a deep breath, Amethyst began again.

“I’ve got sunshine…
On a cloudy day…
When it’s cold outside,
I’ve got the month of May…”

Ember whispered along as Amethyst’s cracking voice reached the chorus.

“I guess, you’d say, what can make me feel this way?”

“My girl…” Ember sang softly.

“Talkin’ ‘bout, my girl..” Amethyst continued. “Bum, bum, bum bum…”

Ember sniffed and giggled. “Do you remember the time that you sang for that colt in school? The pegasus?”

Amethyst groaned. “Eww, Soarin’? Don’t remind me. That was so embarrassing.”

“Yeah. He thought you were awful.” Ember chuckled raspily.

Amethyst glared. “Well, thanks. That makes me feel good.”

“I thought it was beautiful though.”

Amethyst held her friend. “Thanks, Ember.”

“No. Thank you, Ammy. I love that song.”

Amethyst patted her back. “Okay. Are you feeling better now?”

“I don’t know,” Ember said.

“Do you still want to talk?”

“Yeah. No. I mean…” Ember’s voice faded. “I hate this…” She whispered. “I… I just want to be old-Ember again.”

Amethyst stroked her mane once more. “You are old-Ember. You’re still you, and you’re still my best friend. They can’t take that away, and nopony ever will. Not Rose, not those other ponies, and not even you.”

“I don’t feel like me, though,” Ember muttered nearly inaudibly. “I feel like… Like… Like they stole part of me, and I can’t find it any more. I can’t even touch anypony any more.” She looked up at Amethyst, who still held her close. “Well, except for you, ya big lump.”

Amethyst giggled and placed a soft kiss on the top of Ember’s head. “Yeah, except for grumpy old Ammy.”

Ember smiled weakly. “Yeah…” Her smile faded. “Ammy, I really like Rose. It’s not been long that I’ve known her, but I really want to try again. I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to move on. I want to… I want to…” She sighed. “I want to be normal again.”

Amethyst sighed. “Okay, Ember. You know what you need, and if it’s time to try again, then it’s time to try again. I might complain a bit, and I might say stuff I don’t mean, but it’s just because I worry about you. I don’t want her to break your heart like the last mare. Or stallion. Or the other stallion. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. Or—”

Ember punched Amethyst lightly in the shoulder with a giggle. “Okay, okay, I get it. I get it.”

Amethyst returned the laugh. “But seriously. I care about you. You’re my best friend in the whole world, and you’re like family. So I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Thanks,” Ember said with a smile. She wiped her face. “Gosh, I got you all covered in nasty Ember tears, didn’t I? Sorry.”

Amethyst ruffled her mane. “It’s fine. It’s not exactly the first time this has happened, ya know.”

“Yeah, I think I noticed,” Ember quipped. She finally pulled away from Amethyst.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to hit the sack,” Amethyst said. “Do you want to stay here tonight? My couch has been lonely, you know.”

“Well when you put it that way…” Ember began. “I certainly couldn’t let a beautiful couch like this suffer! I guess I’ll have to stay for tonight.”

Amethyst smiled. “Thanks, Ember. You don’t know how much he’s been complaining.” She winked. “I’ll grab you some pillows and blankets.”

Amethyst grabbed a few items from her closet, and she returned to see Ember sitting on the couch staring at her hooves.

“Here you go, silly.” Amethyst tossed her the pillows and blankets.

Ember barely caught them, and one of the pillows hit her in the face. “Oof!” she cried. “Oww…”

Amethyst snorted. “Aw, come on, Ember. We chase down masked villains in the late of the night, stalk the dregs of society, and face off against the worst of the worst on a semi-weekly basis, and you can’t even take a pillow to the face? Ya need to up your game, Emb—”

Thwack! The same pillow hit Amethyst in the face, and the unicorn spun to the floor with the force of the blow.

“Hey! Why did you do that?”

Ember lay on her back on the couch. Her forelegs were crossed over her belly, and her scrunched up face barely contained a giggle. “Hrmm? Were you saying something, oh mighty and wise detective? Please, do continue, and regale me with thy wisdom!”

Amethyst pulled herself up and muttered under her breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing...” Amethyst growled as she blew feathers out of her face.

Once more, Ember let out a filly-like giggle.

“Well, I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning. Night, Ember!” Amethyst turned to leave the room, but Ember’s voice interrupted her.

“Ammy?”

The unicorn turned around. “What?”

“Thanks. Nopony else is ever here for me, but you care. You’re my best friend, and I love you.” Ember smiled at her.

Amethyst couldn’t help the huge smile that crossed her own face. “Hey. You were there for me too. It’s not just a one sided thing. I do care. I love you too.”

“Well then, since you love me, can I maybe have a tiny snack? I’m feeling kinda hungry, and—”

“Ember…” Amethyst shut off the lights. “Don’t push it. Good night.”

A chuckle echoed through the dark. “Alright, alright. Fine. Night! See you in the morning!”

Amethyst trotted over to her bed, her path illuminated by her nightlight. As she pulled the covers up over her body, all her uncertainty, her fears, and the dark memories faded. Tomorrow was another day. Another chance.

Another case.

A&E: The Case of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer

by Doccular42

Prologue

Part I

Part II

Part III

Epilogue