We Regret To Inform You

by Crescent Wrench

First published

Dear Miss Pie, we in Baltimare regret to inform you that, due to extreme weather conditions, your employers were unfortunately taken, and in conjunction with their will they would like you to become the legal guardian of their foals...

Dear Miss Pie, we in Baltimare regret to inform you that, due to extreme weather conditions, your employers were unfortunately taken, and in conjunction with their will they would like you to become the legal guardians of their foals...

We Regret To Inform You

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We Regret To Inform You


The letter was sodden was tears, crumpled slightly on the cold desk. The envelope it had been nervously torn from rested a short distance away, the action of having opened it but a far memory of the pink mare who sat at the desk, crying hard. Her body convulsed in violent wracks as she sobbed. For the pink party pony, there would be no happiness today.

Pinkie Pie hiccuped in the middle of her break down, interrupting a particularly nasty series of crackling heaves. Her head felt light, wobbly on her neck. Her eyes hurt, stung from the tears. She sucked air in greedily, rubbing an eye with her hoof.

She just couldn't believe it, believe what she'd learned. It had only been three days, just three short days- she could remember waving good-bye to them, wishing them luck on their trip- seeing them off at the train station, making sure they had their emergency cupcakes in easily accessible pouches...

Their smiling faces refused to leave her mind's eye, grinning back with the same optimism and happiness she'd come to appreciate about them. Her throat clenched up as another wrack of tremors coursed through her body, and the fit started again, the tears pouring out. They winked at her as she wailed, just as they had when they left, wishing her well and making sure she looked after the-

Pinkie Pie jolted up. The twins. Somepony had to tell the twins. A sudden wave of nausea flooded through her as she felt her stomach grow weak at the realization.

“Oh, wait...” Pinkie mumbled as the weight of the situation sank in even further. Her head hurt.

“That somepony would be... me...”

… they would like you to become the legal guardian of their foals...

Fresh tears welled up in the mare's eyes, spilling over as she stared after the unfortunate letter, the devastating news. How would Sugar Cube Corner fare without the ponies who started it up, gave it enough love to grow from a shanty little treats shop to the town's premier sweet tooth? Who would teach the kids how to run the store-

Pinkie Pie shook her head as she realized she was breathing heavily again. She forced herself to slow down, going from desperate gulps of oxygen to slightly more controlled gasps. She had more important concerns to worry about than silly breathing techniques, after all.

“First things first is to tell the twins... after all,” she looked back at the letter nervously, gulping. “I guess they're... my foals now, right Mrs Cake?”

That was quite the intimidating idea. Why would Mrs. Cake name her, Pinkie Pie, the premier party pony of Ponyville, as... as her successor...

She shook her head. Her mane had deflated considerably, hanging limply from her scalp like dry locks of thick ropes and weeds. She glanced at herself in the reflection from the window.

It was raining outside.

“I should probably go clean myself up a little first, though,” she muttered. She could see in her reflection that her face was slick with drying tears, her eyes puffy and red. She got up to go to the wash room-

Only for two little ponies to come falling down the stairs, growling and grappling with each other.

“Get off me!” cried the creamy orange unicorn, squealing as her tan brother tugged at the thick curls of blazing orange his jaw was clamped around. He responded by growling even louder.

“Aaaah!” she screamed, trying to push her brother off. She quickly gave up, realizing it was no use. She saw her aunt Pinkie out of the corner of her eye, and immediately made a beeline towards her, dragging her brother along behind her.

“Auntie Pinkie Piiie!” she cried, jumping at the pink mare and clutching her leg tight. “Auntie Pinkie, get him oooff!”

Pinkie Pie looked down at the innocent twins. Pumpkin continued squealing in irritation as Pound Cake nommed away at the thick pumpkin mane. They had no idea just how much their life had just changed.

She had to tell them. She had to. This was what the Cakes wanted, this was why they chose her on their will. Why they had a will, Pinkie hadn't the slightest idea, but-

“Pound, stop.” Pinkie commanded the pegasus with a stern voice, far more serious in tone than she'd ever used before in her life. Pound was obviously intimidated, as he immediately spat out Pumpkin's hair, his ears flicking back as he looked at the floor in shame.

“Sowwy, Awnty...” he mumbled, his poor speech a bit thick and clumsy, a trait some would find adorable. Now, it simply sent a dull twinge of pain through Pinkie's heart.

Pinkie Pie felt it again, a sharp pain in her heart as she looked down at the two foals- if she agreed, then her foals...

More tears sprang up in the corners of her eyes, but she fought hard to keep the bulk of them at bay. She needed to be strong. For the foals, she needed to be strong...

She took a deep, shaky breath.

“Pound, Pumpkin, I... I have some bad news for you two...” she said. Pumpkin cocked her head to the side.

Many things were going through the little unicorn's head. Why wouldn't Pound just let go when she told him to? Why did he always have to be so annoying? What was that letter on the desk? Why did it have to be raining outside? Why wouldn't Auntie Pinkie Pie let her go play outside?

But there was one thought that stood out amongst the others, a thought she shared with her curious brother.

Why was Auntie Pinkie Pie crying?

“Um, I know you both like having me as a foal-sitter, and believe me, I love foal-sitting you two so much as well,” Pinkie said with a weak smile. “But, um... it looks like I'll be watching over you guys for a little while longer than mommy and daddy told you.”

Pound giggled while Pumpkin smiled wide.

“Yaaay!” they both sang in unison, eyes wide and gleaming.

That is, until Pound Cake remembered that Auntie Pinkie Pie had been crying. Was it because she would be watching them? Why would she be crying if she got to spend more time with them? She was the best foal-sitter in the world! Why would she be crying?!

“Awnty... whats wong?” Pound asked as he reared up, putting a small hoof against Pinkie's thigh.

She looked down at Pound's confused face. Pumpkin was still smiling happily, oblivious to what her aunt needed to say.

Pinkie felt the resistance she was putting up failing fast. She couldn't keep it up, but she had to, for them, always for them... no matter how much it hurt...

Her walls broke. Tears gushed down her face again. She picked up Pound and held him close, hugging him tightly. Pound hugged back. He was a snuggler for sure.

Pumpkin, to her credit, finally read the atmosphere and stopped smiling. Pinkie Pie eventually put Pound down next to his sister, looking at them with a sad face.

“There's a reason why I'm going to be watching you guys a bit longer,” she explained. “It's because mommy and daddy...”

Her throat closed up as she felt her head growing light again. These were words no foal should ever hear, words Pinkie never wanted to tell anypony. These were the words that ruined foalhoods.

“Mommy and daddy... they...”

Pound and Pumpkin looked at Pinkie expectantly. She took a ragged breath, wiping her face clean of tears before forcing herself to finish.

“Mommy and daddy aren't coming back... so I'm going to be looking after you guys for a while longer... kind of like your new mommy.”

The twins, bless their innocence, were oblivious to what Pinkie truly meant by that. The only art they caught was that Pinkie Pie, the funnest pony in all of Ponyville, was their new mommy!

They whooped as they jumped up and down.

No more bed times! No more baths!

They smiled wide as they bumped hooves with each other.

No more boring chores! No more story time!

They suddenly cast each other surprised looks.

No more catch with daddy, or cooking with mommy...

They felt small tears welling up in their eyes.

No more cuddle time, no more funny stories...

The two very confused foals looked up at Pinkie Pie.

“W-What do you mean mommy and daddy aren't coming back?” Pumpkin asked, her voice shaky.

Pinkie Pie needed to be strong for them, now more than ever.

She wanted to be strong for them.

She really wanted to.

She wanted to...

With a sharp gasp, she broke down, bawling her head off. Realizing that this wasn't the happy news they were expecting at all, the twins joined in with her.

On the table, the letter lay dormant, uncaring for the harsh, blunt information it gave to the grieving family.

Dear Miss Pie, we in Baltimare regret to inform you that, due to extreme weather conditions, your employers were unfortunately taken, and in conjunction with their will they would like you to become the legal guardian of their foals...

It was raining outside. It would be raining for a long time.

But You Can't Give Up Hope

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We Regret To Inform You



There was silence around the table.

“Oh... my...” the yellow pegasus Fluttershy whimpered, attempting to hide behind her pink mane. Rarity, a white unicorn with a pristine purple mane, could only stand there with her jaw slightly opened.

Twilight Sparkle, a purple alicorn with a darker purple mane that had a thick stripe of pink and blue, coughed politely. She just couldn't believe the news.

Pinkie Pie, the usually energetic premier party pony from Ponyville, simply sat before her friends on the other side of the counter, nodding glumly.

“I got the letter four days ago,” she droned in a rather monotone voice, her mane lacking its signature poof. Instead, it hung limply from her head in thick locks of dark pink. “I... I already told the twins, but I don't think they really understand whats going on yet.”

“How did they take it?” Rarity asked as she brought a hoof to Fluttershy's shoulder, rubbing it softly. The pegasus looked as though she was about to cry.

Pinkie sighed, letting her head drop to rest against the top of the counter, her mane brushing against the cold side of the cash register.

“They were told their parents were dead, Rarity. They're not babies anymore, they at least know what that means,” she snapped, a little harsher than she intended. She cringed as she bit her lip.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to be a meany mc-meanerton. It's just... this really sucks!” she wailed, tears rushing back to her eyes as she clutched her cash register.

Yes, her cash register. It had only been an hour since the reading of Mr and Mrs Cakes' last will and testimony at the Ponyville City Hall, the will that quite literally left everything that they had owned with Pinkie Pie. She never really understood how much they trusted her, how much respect they had for her that she pretty much just took for granted.

And the foals...

Pinkie screwed her eyes shut as she forced herself to stop crying. She couldn't cry. She didn't deserve to cry. She wouldn't cry.

She swallowed hard as she pushed her head up from the counter, finding that during her fit, Twilight had come around the counter and laid a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. The pink mare sniffled hard, giving Twilight a sad, soft smile.

“It's just... why did they think I could raise the foals? I'm not trying to be a Debbie-downer, but I'm just so confused! Why'd they leave their foals in the care of some silly pony like me?”

Twilight bopped Pinkie on the nose lightly with her hoof, eliciting a surprised reaction from the earth pony.

“Pinkie, don't be like that. We all know you, and know that you're a wonderful mare. Sure, it looks daunting now, but you've watched over the foals before, right?”

Pinkie nodded. “All the time. Sometimes they're the ones watching me!”

Twilight gave Pinkie a tiny smile. “See, obviously they trusted you. Why else would they have left everything to you?”

“Tax deductions?” Pinkie wagered. Twilight shook her head in slight amusement.

“No, Pinkie, they did it because they trusted you, loved you. You were a part of their family, and they knew that.”

Pinkie opened her mouth, working her jaw, but no words came out.

She knew that she really liked the Cakes and at the end of the day, they really liked having her there, but... did they really think of her like that? Did they really, honestly believe she could pick up after them?

Did they really think she could make a good mommy for their foals?

“I... I...” Pinkie stammered. The three other mares looked on at her as she struggled to form legible words. Finally, her mane twitched, almost as if it was violently inflated slightly. It was still rather limp, but it didn't look quite as gloomy. She gave her friends a genuine smile, eyes still teary.

“I think you're right,” she said with a nodding motion.

“Of course we're right, darling,” Rarity said with jest, “we're your friends after all.”

Twilight gave Pinkie Pie a hug, one that was returned with earnest. As they separated, Twilight took one of Pinkie's hooves in her own.

“We know you're scared about raising the twins by yourself, but we're always going to be your friends, and will always help you if you need us.”

Pinkie Pie smiled. “Even if you're busy doing super-important secret professional princess-y shenanigans?”

Twilight nodded with a laugh. “Even if I'm busy doing super-important, er, that stuff.”

Pinkie Pie giggled. “That makes me feel loads better, actually! Thanks, girls.”

“But I didn't do anything,” Fluttershy whispered, but she went unheard by the others.

“So, did you have any plans with the foals today?” Twilight asked Pinkie Pie. She shrugged.

“Not really all that much, I expected to be busy running the shop today!”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow, looking around at the empty store.

“Uh, then what changed?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “The shop is closed today, duh.”

Twilight face-hoofed. “Pinkie Pie, you are so... random.”

Pinkie smiled wide.

“So if the shop is closed, why not go do something with the twins?” Rarity suggested. “I would say this would be an excellent way to get to know the foals, but at this point I'm quite sure you know them better than they know themselves...”

“You're right! I do know them really good!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly.

Twilight took her hoof away from her face to pat Pinkie on the shoulder. Pinkie giggled before gasping sharply.

“Wait, Twilight!” she shrieked. “I just remembered something!”

“Hm?” Twilight asked. Pinkie responded by disappearing. A moment later, she came zipping back down the stairs, holding a tray of-

“Um, Pinkie? What's so important about cupca- MMF!”

Twilight was immediately interrupted by Pinkie as the pink pony took a bright blue cupcake from the tray and shoved it into the librarian's opening maw.

Rarity took a quick nervous step back as Pinkie rounded on her. She looked around desperately for Fluttershy, but it seemed the yellow pegasus had fled off in fear of having her sweet tooth defiled without consent.

“Aheh, if you insist on us enjoying a cupcake, I would prefer to enjoy it on my own terms.”

Pinkie smiled widely as she held out the tray for Rarity.

“Okie dokie lokie!”

Rarity levitated a cupcake for herself, taking a dainty bite out of it before humming pleasantly.

Twilight, who actually wasn't all too phased by Pinkie's very sudden action, swallowed the rest of her cupcake before giving her friend an inquiring look.

“As much as we both appreciate the cupcakes, they are a tad...” Twilight trailed. Rarity finished her sentence for her.

“Random, darling.”

Pinkie waved them off with a hoof.

“Ah, it was nothing! These were just my super-special-thank-you-for-helping-me-cope-with-suddenly-having-my-entire-world-turn-upside-down cupcakes! Thank you, girls!”

With that said, she grabbed the two ponies and pulled them into a tight hug, one they both returned as well.

“As we've already said, it's no problem at all. We are always here for you,” Rarity assured Pinkie as the hug was disbanded.

Pinkie nodded. “And I do appreciate it, lots and lots. I know that all of... this, changes a lot for me, but it's great to know I can still count on my friends!”

Twilight tilted her head to the side.

“Pinkie, what about your parents?”

“What about them?”

Twilight coughed. “Well, um... wouldn't they, I don't know, want to hear the news? I know it's because of less-than-fortunate situations, but this is still a very big step in your life. I'm certain your family would love to hear about it.”

Pinkie absolutely lit up.

“You're RIGHT!” she shrieked. “I'll write them right now!”

Pinkie zipped into the kitchen, throwing open a drawer near the door to pull out a sheet of paper and a pencil. She skipped back to the counter to start writing.

Rarity and Twilight shared a look, smiling at each other. It looked like Pinkie Pie was finding ways to recover.

“Well I'm glad we could have this talk,” Twilight said, “but it looks like you know what you're doing. Don't forget, we're always here for you, okay?”

Pinkie Pie beamed at her friends. “Of course, you've only said it like a bajillion times! And each new time, it makes me feel a kazillion times better!”

Pinkie Pie waved after her two friends as they left the candy shop- her candy shop.

Picking up the pencil, she thought about what she was going to write before humming contently. She dipped her head to start scrawling on the paper.

Mom and Dad and Everypony Else,

I just wanted to start off with I miss you guys, and love you a lot. Never forget that!

There's something I need to tell you guys, though...

There's Always A Silver Lining

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We Regret To Inform You


“And if you'll just sign here, Miss Pie, everything will be done and finalized.”

Pinkie Pie nodded, determined, before bobbing the pen clutched between her lips over to the line the case worker had pointed at, scrawling a fast but bubbly signature across the line. She pulled her head back and let the pen drop to the table, sighing with relief and wiping a leg across her forehead while the gray mare before her levitated the small stack of papers over to a filing cabinet, flicking a few pages here and there.

“It will take a few days to get all of these correctly sorted with all of the branches, ma'am,” the Foal Services case worker explained as she returned to Pinkie Pie. “But as of now, you are now officially the legal guardian of Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake.”

Pinkie Pie couldn't help it. She burst out into a huge smile. She leaped out of her seat, grabbing the other mare in a tight hug and spinning them around the room.

“Oh thankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!” she practically sang, dislodging herself from the stunned mare and continuing to spin out of the room and down the hall, giggling all the way.

“Celestia help those children,” the mare chuckled softly to herself before continuing about her job.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie twirled into the waiting room, where Pound and Pumpkin were playing in a small penned-off area with a young employee, another gray mare. Sure the twins were a little too old to be confined to a play pen, but Pinkie Pie couldn't take them into the case room with her, and the mare had assured her that they would be fine under her care. It was kind of her job, after all, to watch the foals of the company's clients.

The twins lit up when they saw Pinkie enter the room. Giggling, they dropped their blocks and rushed over to her. Pound flittering his wings excitedly while Pumpkin's horn sparkled happily.

“Auntie Pinkie!” both of them exclaimed, plowing into the pink mare and tackling her over. They laughed as the nuzzled her happily, an affection which she returned.

She really did love those kids.

“Hey guys, did ya miss me?!” she asked. They both jumped away from her, hopping up and down.

“Yeah!” they replied back, full of excitement. Pinkie let herself smile. The past two weeks had been a paperwork nightmare. She didn't get to smile all that often, but now...

She broke out into a huge grin at the foals.

Her foals.

“Were you two good for Miss Amber?” she questioned. They smiled wide and nodded. Behind them, Amber stood up, smirking softly.

“They were little angels, so sweet. I take it everything is taken care of, Miss Pinkie?”

Pinkie beamed and nodded as she ruffled Pumpkin's mane. The unicorn giggled from the attention.

“Yeppers peppers, Amber-eppers! Everything's all okie-lokie-dokie now!”

Amber nodded, giving Pinkie Pie an approving look as the two foals laughed while playing with each other, Pound chasing Pumpkin around Pinkie's legs. Pinkie herself was chuckling as she spun around in a circle, trying to keep up.

“Well, I wish you the best of luck,” Amber told Pinkie Pie. She stopped to look at the gray mare, giving her the widest grin she could muster.

“Thanks so much! And thanks again for looking after the foals, usually that's my job!”

Pinkie paused, bringing a hoof to her lips as she gave thought. Pound and Pumpkin stopped running around and looked up at Pinkie before mimicking her, putting ahoof up to their own thinking faces.

At last, Pinkie gasped enthusiastically, picking up both of the foals and hugging them tightly.

“I guess it really is my job now, huh?” she asked the two, rubbing her nose against Pumpkin's. “That's right, it's my job isn't it?”

Pumpkin shrieked happily as she was nuzzled by Pinkie Pie.

Amber giggled softly before waving good-bye to the happy family as they trotted out of the building, each foal holding onto one of Pinkie's front legs and riding along with her strides.

The rain had stopped outside. The sun was shining. It was a good day.

“So, what do you guys want to go do today?” she asked her foals as she looked down at them. “No work, just play! Okay?”

The foals cheered before disembarking off of Pinkie's legs, darting along the street. Pinkie chased after them, making sure they didn't hurt themselves but letting them have their fun.

After a while, they made it to the park. It was a little busy, maybe ten other colts and fillies running around on the grass. The two twins rushed over to an empty teeter-totter and jumped on, going at it.

Pinkie Pie let out a sigh as she smiled, seeing the twins playing. They'd been so sad since they'd heard the news, it was refreshing to see them having fun like normal foals.

A couple of other foals approached the twins, giggling and jumping up and down. Pinkie Pie couldn't hear what was being said between the four, but from the twins' reactions, they were having a great time. Only moments later, one of them tapped Pound before he and the two fillies scattered away, leaving Pound 'it'.

The sun had gone far in it's descent by the time the foals were far too exhausted to continue playing. It had been a good day.

“You're really fast!” exclaimed the tiny white earth pony, jumping as he spoke to emphasize his point.

“Thanks!” Pound beamed, puffing his chest out proudly. Pumpkin pushed him from the side, knocking him over. The three foals laughed, Pound fuming before he relented, chuckling along too as he pushed himself up. He then pushed Pumpkin over.

“Flyt! Violet!”

The two other foals looked over to see their parents waving them over.

“Come on, let's go home!”

The white earth pony and his sister, a purple unicorn, groaned.

“Awww, do we haaave to?” Flyt yelled back.

His mother laughed in mock annoyance. “Yes!” she responded.

Violet groaned. “Fiiine.” She then turned to Pound and Pumpkin.

“Parents are so annoying, aren't they?”

Pound gulped hard while Pumpkin shivered involuntarily, feeling herself blush slightly.

Pumpkin gave the other mare a genuinely confused look. “Why'd you say that? I mean, they care about you, right?”

Flyt laughed. “Yeah, but they have so many rules! I wish we didn't have them sometimes, then we could play for as long as we want!”

Pound shook his head as he felt his face going red. His heart was beating fast.

How could they say they didn't want their parents?! Pound missed his mommy and daddy a lot, he'd never want them gone if he could have them back...

“Well, bye!” the two foals shouted before rushing over towards their parents, leaving the twins alone.

A soft breeze ruffled the grass around them, stirring up a few loose leaves.

“Pound,” Pumpkin said quietly, “you never wanted mommy and daddy to go, did you?”

Pound shook his head violently. “Of cowse not!” he exclaimed. “Did you?”

Pumpkin shook her head as well. “No, never.”

The sky darkened as the sun fell lower in the sky. Celestia would lower the sun completely soon, leaving the night to Luna's moon.

“Then why'd they go, if we didn't want them to?” Pumpkin whimpered.

Pound fell back onto his flank, tears growing in his eyes. “I don't know... I miss mommy...”

Pumpkin sniffled as she nodded. “So do I...”

She closed her eyes, sniffling hard. She missed being held by mommy when she was upset, having daddy run a hoof through her mane and tell her everything would be alright...

Suddenly, she felt a hoof very lightly pull her in for a deep hug. Her eyes opened wide to see Pinkie Pie holding her close, hugging her and Pound tight.

Pinkie Pie smiled sadly as she held her foals tight to her. She'd heard the little conversation they'd had with the other foals, and could only imagine what they were feeling right then. It couldn't have been easy to lose the ones you loved the most, especially at so young. But...

She squeezed them tighter, vowing never to let go.

“I love you guys,” she whispered to the two, nuzzling them softly.

Pound and Pumpkin slowly felt themselves relax. Mommy and daddy were gone, and they knew they weren't coming back...

But they still had auntie Pinkie, right?

The twins grasped Pinkie Pie tightly, hugging her back.

Yeah, auntie Pinkie was great! She was super funny, threw the best parties, and always knew how to make them feel better. Plus, she gave great hugs!

Pinkie Pie smiled as she felt the twins growing tired against her. They'd worn themselves out from playing for so long. It was time to head home.

“Come on,” she said to them. “Let's go back home.”

Pound yawned as Pumpkin nodded. Pinkie picked up Pound and set him on her back as she took Pumpkin's hoof in her own, and then started heading back to their home.

At home, they did everything they were told to do for getting ready for bed. They brushed their teeth, made sure their room was clean, and said their nighttime prayers. Pinkie Pie politely joined in.

“... and Misses and Mister Cake? If you hear me, your foals miss you. A lot. But I promise you I'll take lots of good care of them, Pinkie promise! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

She bowed her head before rising, smiling softly. She watched as the foals climbed into bed. Pinkie trotted over to Pumpkin and kissed her on the forehead. The little unicorn giggled before nuzzling Pinkie and rolling onto her side, quickly drifting off the sleep.

She trotted over to Pound and kissed him on his forehead as well. He was struggling to stay awake, but as soon as Pinkie's lips touched his forehead, he couldn't keep it up.

“Night, mommy...” he whispered as he slowly trailed off into a slumber.

Pinkie froze.

Mommy?” she whispered. She shook her head as she trotted out of the room, turning off the bedroom light.

“Nonono, I couldn't be a mommy-” she told herself, but paused as a glimmer caught her eye. She trotted over to a small picture table.

He'd caught the reflection of one of the lights in a family picture of the Cakes. Carrot was holding a delighted Pumpkin while Cup cradled Pound, who was asleep. Pinkie herself was suspended in mid-air between the two, having jumped at just the right moment to be in the picture.

She smiled as she looked at the family. Some of it was missing, and would never be back...

Mommy, huh...

Pinkie could have swore Cup winked at her in the picture. She sighed before smiling softly, putting the picture back down.

“I... think I could do something like that...” she said with a gleam in her eye. “But if that's the case, I'll have to ready my party cannon!”

She darted off towards her room, passing by a picture of her holding both of the twins. They were all so happy in the picture, just like a perfect family already.

Outside, it started to rain.