Not Strong Enough
The wind was strong. It wound through the trees, picking the fresh leaves of the branches and floating them through the air. One of these leaves drifted gently, no bothering to resist the strong wind that carried it across the lands. The leaf wound through trees, picking up many others along the way. But as fate would have it, those leaves departed, leaving this leaf alone as it made its way to its resting place. It floated for a long while, never once stopping, but traveling a distance some only dream of. Until it came to rest against a certain mare.
The leaf slid down and floated away from the mare, taken away by the breeze. The mare paid no head to the leaf. She stood there, alone, unaware of the wind, of the leaves, and of the clouds gathering above her.
She didn’t cry. She didn't want to. She was strong, and she had to remain strong. Of course, if she was strong, she wouldn't be here. So she was a failure. She would never live to accomplish that one thing she always strove for. She would always fail. She was born to fail.
She wind picked up her mane and tail, scattering them in the wind. She didn't care, her mane was always messy. She liked it that way. Now, in the breeze, her mane was even more ragged and frayed. She hadn't washed it in weeks. Not since the incident.
She had always had one question about life. Why did they exist? What was life's purpose? What was the point in all of this?
She closed her eyes and gave out a sigh. The sun was hidden, but she could still see fine. After all, the sun always shone through, no matter how big the storm, right? As if. She longed for the sun on her back, for its warmth to fill her body and ease her aching soul.
She looked down, from the edge of the cliff where she was standing. Below was only the ground, rocky and cold. Emotionless, and unforgiving. Just like her life. Just like her friends. Never once caring, not actually stopping to help her through her tough times. Never once trying to just be there.
She scooped up a hoof full of dirt and gave it a smell. How she loved that smell. The smell of the earth, ready to be tilled, ready to be worked, ready to be loved. She missed that smell. She had almost forgotten what it smelled like, and what smelled like on a certain mare. That smell, the one she now longed for, above all other things, save one. To see the one she missed.
She poured the dirt onto the ground, letting it slowly fall into a pile. There was no love left in her life. Her soul ached for what she would never have again. Her body pleaded for it, just a little bit. Anything, a hug, a smile, a wave, something to show she wasn't a failure.
But she knew she was a failure. She was a coward and a failure, and a terrible friend.
The wind shifted a bit, now blowing some of her mane into her face. She didn't even bother to swipe it away. There was no point anymore. There was just no reason to move on. There was no reason to struggle. Her friends didn't care. Her family, or at least, what she could call a family, didn't care. She had nothing to fight for, so why fight? Why struggle when in the end it would lead to nothing?
Everything ended in death. Nothing mattered, because when death came for you, it was all over. Nothing else mattered besides your friends and family. She now had none.
She fought the tears with all of her might. The rain began to fall, softly, slowly, almost like little clouds, drifting down until they settled on the trees, the grass, the leaves, or the mare. It did little to wet her, but only served to chill her. She didn’t care.
She let her head fall as the tears threatened to rise. She was strong, she was. She would not cry. She wouldn't fail. She wouldn't give in. She would show them all, her... friends, who had left her, how she was still strong. She...
The first tear rolled down her cheek. The wind pushed it, giving it a curved path as it ran down her soft fur, until it rolled off and fell through the air, never to be seen again. Unknown, unwanted, unseen.
She shut her eyes tight. She wouldn't cry. Why was it so hard? She was strong, she wasn't going to cry. It wasn't like her to cry. It wasn't like her to fail.
Yeah right. She had failed many times, and had never been able to admit it. She always covered it up with lies. She was always deceiving, or tricking. She had enough. She couldn't go on lying to her friends. She had confessed all she had done. Maybe she should have kept it all in. Living a lie was better than living alone, right?
This time she didn’t even try to hold back the next tear at the though of her loneliness. She would never have another friend. She would always be alone. Why would anypony want her as a friend? She was a terrible friend and she knew it. She couldn't even be there for those she loved in their time of need, nor tell them the truth.
The weight of her guilt crushed her, causing her already slumped shoulders to sag even more. It was all her fault. It was. If she hadn't have been there, if she hadn't have done what she did, then the terrible accident wouldn't have happened.
The wind grabbed her hair a blew it to the side, decorating it with the little dew that floated from the sky until her hair sparkled. Her face, her neck, her body, all decorated with the precious rain like she was somepony special.
She knew she wasn’t special at all. She knew of her sins, of her faults, and of her mistakes.
Rainbow Dash knew she could never erase her mistakes, and she would never be forgiven.
Rainbow Dash sped through the sky, flapping her wings gently to keep herself aloft. It didn't take much strength. Pegasi were naturally light, and thus, even more agile and adept at being airborne. She wove through the clouds, high above the ground, relishing the ability to experience what she did.
Applejack had asked for her help in setting up the barn, so she had made her way over as soon as she could.
The wind rode through her mane, whipping it wildly as she simply took in the view. Mostly apple trees, signifying she was nearing her destination. Sure enough, she found the barn frame. Still barren of walls. And of course, next to it, sleeping against a tree, was Applejack.
Rainbow Dash dropped silently and crept up to her friend.
“Wake up, sleepy head!”
Rainbow gently poked Applejack in the ribs.
Applejack smiled, lifting her stetson up so Rainbow could see her eyes. Every time Rainbow saw her eyes, her heart fluttered. They were so pretty.
“Howdy Rainbow Dash. 'Bout time ya got here.” She looked up at the sky. “The suns almost set. Ah doubt we'll get any real work done outside a settin' up the rig.”
Rainbow Dash laughed at her own friends ignorance. “You'll see! I'll have that rig up in ten seconds flat!”
Rainbow proceeded to fly through the air as fast as she could, the rope in her mouth, as she twisted through the trees and around the barn frames beams. Several times, she almost missed her turn, or nicked her wing, but she made it through fine.
She dropped back down in front of Applejack, panting lightly. She was used to moves like that, but it was still a little difficult. Still, she had finished in ten seconds, at that made her proud.
“Done.” She beamed.
The wind in her mane felt good. She loved this place, Sweet Apple Acres. The breeze always refreshed and rejuvenated her, as well as carrying a scent of apples. The sky, covered in clouds like a light fog, gave her the feeling of the best day this year. It was relaxing.
Applejack laughed. It was cute when Applejack laughed. So soft, sweet, with that southern accent. Even though Rainbow didn't want to tell anyone, she had always admired Applejack, and would even go so far as to say she had a crush on her. Of course, nopony could know that.
“Nice, but ya did that in eleven seconds, not ten.” She smirked.
Rainbow dash feigned being hurt. “Well! I guess I’ll just leave!”
She started to flap her wings, as if she was going to take off, but was tackled by Applejack.
“No ya don't! Ya got work ta do! With your speed, we'll be able to put up some a tha wall before dusk.”
Rainbow laughed again. Like she would leave without helping her friend out. “Fine, fine, I'll stay, but only because you asked so nicely.”
The two set about hitching up the first piece of wood to the rig, so they could lift it up. It didn't take long. Something about the day seemed to make it... an easy task. Like it was nothing at all. Big Mac came around the barn frame and grabbed the rope once they was finished.
He tensed his muscles and pulled, lifting the wooden slab into the air. Rainbow Dash marveled at how he was able to do that, on his own. She was strong, but even she couldn't do what he did, on a regular basis.
She flew up and swiftly nailed the wood to the frame, completing one tenth of this wall. She smiled to herself. She was fast at everything, even building. The wind felt good up here, now just lightly lifting her mane, barely causing it to ruffle.
She noticed something about the rope they were using. “Applejack, I don't want to worry you, but that rope looks kinda... weak.”
The orange mare looked up and eyed the rope for a bit, then shrugged. “Ah've seen worse. It'll hold, don't worry.”
Rainbow Dash cocked her brow. Yeah right. Applejack was the expert on barn things, but still...
A thought entered Rainbow Dash's mind. She smiled. She would prove Applejack wrong. She would show her how she was right. All in good fun, of course.
Big Mac lowered the rope and they attached another piece of wood. He, once again, tensed up and pulled, rippling his muscles. Rainbow Dash waited for her chance. It finally came. Big Mac wasn't looking and neither was Applejack. She took her hoof and slid it along the rope, fraying it even more. It would snap easily now.
A gust of wind slammed into it, rocking it to the side. Big Mac strained to keep it up as Rainbow held it in place until the wind stopped. She smiled. Yep, she would 'show' Applejack how wrong she was. Then she would reveal how it was a joke. The Apple family had plenty of rope.
She called out. “Applejack, this rope's about to snap!”
She was chuckling over her victory when she heard something. “Applejack?”
Rainbow Dash looked down to see Apple Bloom, holding a hammer and some nails, looking as sweet as ever.
“Is it okay if Ah help with the lower levels of tha barn?”
Then she saw where Apple Bloom was standing. Right underneath the wooden slab.
Rainbow Dash's heart sunk as she shouted out. “Applejack!”
The rope snapped, sending it's load down to the ground. Towards the filly.
Big Mac fell back from the sudden release of weight, down the hill. Applejack jumped towards her sister. Apple Bloom tried to jump out from the incoming object. Rainbow Dash dove down, as fast as she could, to save the little filly.
But she wasn't fast enough. The wood slammed down on top of the filly, sending blood everywhere. Rainbow hit the wood and bounced back, hitting the ground. She bounced up, but soon saw the horror of her actions. Apple Bloom was dead. Her little hoof sticking out from underneath the wood, twitching, blood dripping from it.
Rainbow Dash cried.
Applejack screamed.
The sky rumbled, sending a streak of lightning across the clouds. She looked up. Normally, something like that would have been her work. She took pride in her job, as a weather pony. Not anymore. Now all she felt was shame. Fear. Pain.
The rain fell a little harder now, but still not hard enough to get her to wet. She looked back down to the ground way below. Her life... it was only a failure. She wasn't fast enough to save the filly. She wasn't strong enough to withhold from such a petty joke. She wasn't wise enough to comfort her friend.
The wind had picked up again, casting her hair forward, whipping her face. She didn't care. She let it sting, she let it fly. She just sat there, in shame and despair. Her head hung over, her eyes shut, her mouth parted in a silent cry.
How was she supposed to react? After what happened next, she doubted she could ever move on. She wasn't strong enough. She was a failure.
It had been five days after the funeral. No one had seen nor heard from Applejack in three. Rainbow Dash had been worried, but had shrugged it off. She thought several times about comforting Applejack, but knew she was a strong mare. She would make it, she just needed her space, right? That's what most ponies wanted when dealing with things like this. Space.
Fine with Rainbow Dash. She was trying to live the guilt of her actions. She couldn't ever tell her friends. She would never be able to see them again if she revealed she was the reason Apple Bloom died.
But she couldn't continue with this guilt. She decided to seek out Applejack first. She would tell her first, express her sorrow, and accept any hate thrown her way. Even the dissolution of their friendship. She could take it. She was strong. She could take anything.
She flew to the farm. She knew Applejack would be somewhere around her farm, she just didn't know where. She searched through the whole farmland, the wind gently nipping at her nose, causing a slight chill to run through her. She looked up, forgetting that they had planned yet another rain this week. She hoped Applejack wasn't outside.
She stopped by her friend's house. Nopony was home. They were probably out at the market, or also in the fields, though she didn't see them.
That left only one place. The barn. The rain began to fall, so Rainbow hurried before she got to wet. Hypothermia wasn't a fun way to die.
She got to the barn and pushed the door open. She trotted inside then shut it, leaving the whole barn dark. For some reason, the storm had darkened the skies more than it should have. Rainbow heard a creaking noise and decided to check out the loft. She couldn't see too well, but she was able to find her way to the ladder. She climbed up and searched around. Applejack had to be here.
She looked through the hay, thinking her friend was somewhere in there, probably hiding. She found nothing, but still heard a creaking. She made her way to the noise, careful to not fall out of the loft. She got to the point where the sound was coming from.
She saw nothing, as her eyes adjusted to the dark. She poked around a bit and was ready to leave when she found something. It was a lump, like a knot. Rope.
She looked around a bit more when she saw that the rope led down. Not having anything else to do, she followed the rope down. Then she stopped. She stopped flapping her wings, she stopped blinking, she stopped breathing.
She fell to the ground, hitting the hay with a soft thud. She looked up again and did a double take. The tears formed in her eyes. She couldn't even believe what she saw. It was there, it was unmistakable. It was Applejack.
It was Applejack, hanging from the rope, by the neck. Blood trickled out of her mouth, down her cheek. Her eyes were glazed over, and her tears still had the stains of tears. Her mouth hung open in a silent cry, as if her last moments were spent in tears. Sorrow. Pain.
Rainbow Dash now cried out as she cut the rope with her mouth and lowered her friend's body to the ground. Her tears splashed down onto the coat of the dead mare, whose body was now rigid and cold.
Rainbow checked for a pulse, for a sign, anything to show her friend was still alive. Nothing. She found a note, taped to her back. She picked it up and read it in the light she had. She tried to fight the tears as she read.
My dear friends and family,
I'm sorry, but I can't go on. My life is so hollow right now. So empty. I know I’m not the best with words, so let me sum it up.
To my family, I’m sorry. It's nothing against you, but I can't go on. I love you all to death, and even beyond. I hope you all understand, I wish I could have stayed. I really do.
To my friends, I pray you all forgive me as well. It's not you, and there's nothing you could have done. Really, this is my choice, and my choice alone.
I hope you all understand my decision to leave. I choose to not tell anyone for knowing they would try to stop me.
I love you all.
With love,
Your friend, sister, and granddaughter,
Applejack
Rainbow Dash let the note fall to the ground. She carefully picked up Applejack's lifeless body, taking her in her arms. She cradled her friends head, trying to figure out what to do. What could she do? She couldn't bring Applejack back from the dead. She was gone. There was nothing she could do.
The realization hit her, and she couldn't fight the waves of sorrow hitting her. She lifted her head back, letting out a wail of anguish as the rain pounded on the roof above, and the thunder rumbled in the distance.
She remembered the days after all too well. She had informed Applejack's family about their loss. She then told her friends. Another funeral was held, a few days later. It was sad, wordless affair. Nopony spoke, save to give a few words about their departed friend. After hours of simply sitting in silence, they all left.
The next day, Rainbow Dash had worked up the courage to tell her friends about what had really happened the day Apple Bloom died. She knew that her friends would most likely be mad. They would probably not want to speak to her for a few days, maybe even weeks.
She was rejected, cast out, and forgotten by them. She was left alone. They weren't accepting at all. They all thought of her with disgust, anger, and contempt. She had nopony to talk to. Not even Scootaloo could be found. She was alone. She had failed. It was her fault both Apple Bloom and Applejack had died, and they all knew it.
The wind was at it's strongest now, fighting to knock down the once strong mare, taking her hair and tying it in knots. As if sensing her weakness, it fought to knock her down, and to ruin her. She almost let it, but stood strong. Her last moment of strength. Her last time fighting. Her last struggle, before she left.
Before she gave up.
She leaned over the edge, letting the wind help to keep her body aloft. Closing her eyes, she let the tears fall. The streaked her face with sorrow and pain. As she felt them drop away, she now knew the answers she sought.
Why did they exist? What was the point? To live in sorrow. To fight for survival every day until the day they died. To never know true happiness, until the bliss of death overtook them. The have to deal with pain and hurt from everyone around them. To only know fear, and rejection.
So why wait for death to take her? She didn't need to stay here any longer. She was done. At first, she hadn't understood Applejack's motives for leaving. Now she did. She understood the mare, her marefriend.
She opened her eyes one last time to look up. She saw the storm, she saw the wind and the rain, and saw the darkness. That's all life is, right? Darkness, death, anger. It wasn't worth it.
She closed them both let herself fall. She dropped, down to the ground. Her hair fell up, creating a cocoon around her head, as if it would protect her from what awaited her at the bottom of the cliff. Her tears lifted off of her face, as if by magic, as she fell. The tears of a fallen angel. But she didn't smile, she didn't frown. Her mouth remained in a tight line until she parted her lips to form two words.
Only two, her last words to this world, yet ones that carried more meaning than what she had said in her whole life.
“I'm sorry.”
She hit the ground, denting it and sending dirt and rocks everywhere. Her body broke, and her blood was spilled. It rolled out onto the ground, from her mouth, nose, and the cuts in her back. Her head was twisted at the wrong angles, and her limbs were mostly broken.
Her hair was cast about, no order, no neatness. A mess, just like her life. She wasn't smiling, and she wasn't frowning. She wasn't at peace.
Her tears fell from the sky and landed on her cheeks, one on each one, rolling down to the ground, where not a soul would see them. Nopony would know they were shed, and nopony would know Rainbow Dash was sorry. Nopony would ever hear her apology, nor accept it.
And nopony would remember her.
She had failed.