> Fallout Equestria: Mindless
>  by LunaOnTheMoon
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Prologue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Mindless


Prologue



Have you ever thought about killing yourself? Well I did. Many times. If you’re just so done with your life. You don’t know what to do. You haven’t found your destiny yet. Your destiny. Your fate. What do you do? Live your life, like it comes to you? Just like, living on? Is that worth it?
Have you ever thought about doing something to yourself? Like hurting? Anything really weird? Do you feel like there is just one thing, that must happen and you would bug out? That you wouldn’t abide by the rules anymore. The social, as well as any other. That you would abandon everything you ever believed in?

What if there was no one, who cared about you? If there would be no one, who cared for what you do, if you live or die? If you’re fine or not? Would you live on? Would your will to live be stronger or weaker?

What if everypony would abandon you? If there is not a single pony you could go to? What would you do? Would you despite all that go on and live an ordinary life?

A life without communality. Without affiliation. Without love. Without friends.

You live, because you live. You were born and you have to eat, because if not, you die. Drink, because if not, you die. You have to carry on.

But that’s all about your physical constitution. What about your mind? Your…soul? How do you nourish your soul? Do you get used to some specific things, when you are born and grow up?

A foal that is well provided for will feel different than a foal that gets neglected and only gets the bare necessities to live. Food. Just as much attention, so that it doesn’t cause any trouble. Yet still those foals are the ones, who achieve more on their own when they are older. Without any help from their parents. Who would have cared for you and made sure, that they made your life the best you could get in their eyes.

But what about if you didn’t deserve it?

Do you sometimes feel betrayed, because you feel well and you think of how bad some ponies feel? And you can’t do anything about it? You don’t have the courage to wish for feeling as bad as they do for once. Because it’s unfamiliar.


But just imagine. You get abandoned by everypony. You have to work really hard to keep yourself alive. Get all the necessities to live. You don’t have many possibilities to have fun or peace. You only live to work and to nourish yourself. To get your basics.

Is that life? Do we live, just to keep ourselves alive? Is that the purpose? If that is the purpose then someone didn’t deliberate.

Sometimes I wonder what happens to me. It seems that I have unnatural luck. I never was really much into religion, but I believe that everypony has a meaning for their life. If you figure it out or not, that’s uncertain. But there are things that are supposed to happen or not. But where is our freedom of choice? How does it get along with that? If we really want to achieve something and we go out of our way to do it, who says that it wasn’t expected from us to do that? What if it was expected, that you don’t give up?

And just like, your decision to defy gets a brick in the construction plan of your life again.

Good ponies have a harder time than bad ponies. But what does bad mean? How can you separate that? It’s subjective, so you can’t!

For me bad ponies are ponies, who show no respect or conscience. But even those ponies can learn. And show remorse. Whereby I have heard that remorse is the worst kind of pain. Because its pain, which doesn’t have its origin in your brain, but in your heart. And no painkiller can mend that.

You have to accept it. And so it happens, that ponies go mad through pain and transform into exactly those bad ponies, who are bad in their eyes. And like that the Good decays. The good ponies become bad ones or can’t distinguish it anymore. They’re lost in their minds. But isn’t it possible, that bad ponies can become good ones, too? Why not? If you survive the pain of remorse and you become aware of what you have done or how you did behave, can’t you change for the better and maybe atone for all you have done?

But if it were really, really bad things, you did. I’m not sure about that. Taking another ponies life. That is something I can‘t imagine. You just have to think about it once. A life. To get up every day, eat something, have fun, work, love, go out with friends, listen to music, enjoy the sunlight, go swimming, fly.
Somepony can never do all of that again. Because of you.

If you grasp that, how can you live with yourself? Is there salvation or redemption or something else?

I, for my part, think would go mad and deny everything, invent a new truth, a new world, where it didn’t happen. A new reality, in which are just beautiful things. Or I would take my own life to see, how it is. Just like that. Plain radical.

What now, if you don’t have any friends, who would care for you. No beloved ones. No beautiful things in your life. You would lose all that. Wouldn’t that be fair?

And aren’t those ponies doing injustice if they would try to stop me?

What are they trying to achieve? You as a pony don’t want to live anymore, and they’re trying to stop you? They keep you alive? Why? For themselves? It’s your life after all. You can do with it whatever you want, right?

But then, there is this question again. Can you abandon your beloved friends and family? If you imagine, what they would feel, if you’d end your own life?
If you have ever lost a beloved pony, you know what that is causing to someponys life. Can you do that to somebody, or would you rather live and bear the guilt for the sake of your friends?

And isn’t it even the greater punishment to stay alive and bear it? Thinking of it every day and to regret, until you accept it? But you will never forget. It’s always the bad things that burn themselves in your mind. Feelings like fear. Pain. Guilt.



***********************



Now what should I do? I was at a loss. My life felt numb. I felt numb. My body. My mind. Everything. I looked around. The corpse of 36 a couple of feet next to me. My friends were moving. Much too fast for me to follow their movements. It felt like my brain slowed down, just so I could trace every little detail. Some snapped hairs in the fur of 21. The scratches in the face of 17. How deep they had cut into his flesh. And how barely he escaped death. 
Was it because of that, that he got into the clinic? Did this experience throw him off the track? Did this suck him out of his ordinary life? Whereas. What means ordinary? They looked at me and looked at the corpse. Back to me. They didn’t realize what happened. They tried to talk to me. But I couldn’t hear anything. Well I could hear it. But my brain didn’t want to translate those sounds. We were outside. The facility behind me. In front some huge rocks. A little trail led into the hills. I knew what we had to do. But I couldn’t think of anything. The emotions rushed down on me and everything shut down. I was trapped in my body. My friends moved in front and when they looked back, they saw that I didn’t move an inch. 17 came back and gave me a little nudge, but all it did, was that my body set my forehoof a step in front and remained there. It stopped again. So he started pushing me. Lightly. I wanted to move. But my body wouldn’t let me. My brain was too stressed. I wondered why. I was just thinking. It felt like my brain needed all the energy, so it couldn’t control my body. But it moved. I was moving. Maybe reflexive or by habit, my body started moving. I was surprised, that I didn’t just fall over. I was frightened. How was that possible? I didn’t feel my body but still it was moving. Out of the corner of my eye I saw 17 still pushing me. But it wasn’t even necessary. I was moving on my own. Just that I couldn’t control it. Wait a minute. Where were they taking me? I didn’t want to go away from him. Don’t. No. Stop. STOP!

But as much as I screamed, or at least I thought I did, my mouth remained closed. I inhaled and exhaled calmly. In my brain there was a hurricane. I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t. It was my fault, he died. I wanted to stay with him until I made my last breath. But my friends didn’t let me. And I couldn’t command my body to stop. I was still moving.

We reached a point, where we were before. I could remember that. But why? What was so special about a place, which looked exactly the same as all the others up here? Why I was remembering that point so well was beyond my knowledge. But with that thunderstorm in my brain right now, I couldn’t even spell the word. I recognized a little poke at my chest. I bumped straight into 21. Seemed that they couldn’t stop my body without me walking straight into something bigger and heavier. I was standing again. Motionless. Blinking. Reflexively, because my eyes were pretty wet. No. Wait. My eyes were wet the whole time.

There was a little itch on my cheeks. A familiar one. I was crying. The tears were streaming down until they reached my chin and fell down to the ground. How did I not recognize it? I was crying since I saw 36’s body. And it didn’t want to stop. What really made me wonder was that I didn’t really feel sad. Just numb. I didn’t feel anything. Just astonishment. 
I wondered what was happening right now. Why did my friends transport me here? And I mean transport. I didn’t walk on my own. Or did I? Why was I crying? You cry, because you’re sad. I felt inside my body. No, I didn’t feel sad. But I felt something different. And I recognized that feeling. Rage. I was furious because I was desperate. Rage, because I couldn’t do anything. Rage, because my body was crying and I didn’t know…well what did I know?

There I started realizing. Like I always did, when I didn’t understand something, I started from the beginning and put every little brick onto the other, because it was the easiest way to understand it. But it wasn’t hard, was it? It was my fault that one of my friends died. He was dead, because of me. He was gone. Somewhere. Somewhere, where we couldn’t go. And we would never see him again. Never. We left him behind, no wait, I left him behind. Alone. In nowhere. And there I grasped why I was angry. I was angry, because I was sad. But my rage was so immense, that it overshadowed every other feeling. I was sad, because I was desperate. My body cried, my mind didn’t. I was desperate, because I … wanted to help. But I wasn’t able to. I couldn’t help him anymore. Not now, because he was…No. NO!

And there I regained control of my body, just to break down while waves of desperation came over me. I screamed as if I had pain. I wanted to have pain. Physical pain, which would still be better than this. Mental pain. I curled up and started swaying back and forth. I cried and sobbed. A lot. I was barely able to breathe. I could just suck in enough air to start sobbing again. Why didn’t they abandon me, like I did abandon him? Why were they caring for me? It was not fair! “Leave me…alone. I…don’t want this…anymore. Make it stop. P..Please!”

I heard how someone was quickly coming closer and called my name. There was fear in her voice.

It was 21. She stopped and got closer slowly, while she repeated my name quietly and sadly. I felt how she pulled me up and embraced me in a hug carefully. Then she was holding me, while I was crying into her fur. She started singing quietly and stroked my head.

Her voice and her embrace were like a syringe full of painkillers for my heart, but I couldn’t stop sobbing and whimpering.

17 was standing next to us and watched us sadly. His ears were hanging and he too was crying silently. In his mouth he had 36’s scarf and he placed it on top of 21 and me, like a blanket. The sight of his scarf made me sob more but I clinged to it like it was 36 himself. It was a memory. Like he was.

The Wasteland is gruesome.



*******************



I awoke that abruptly, that I thrusted my head. Where am I? Somepony had screamed. Who am I? It sounded very close. How did you get here? Maybe it was some of the other ponies around me. But it seemed like they were fast asleep. Did they have the same confusing dreams as me? But it didn’t feel like a dream. What I just experienced felt more like a memory. Although the content of the dream…of the memory still caused a stitch in my heart I was happy, that I could remember something. I decided to ask the doctor about it in the morning. No. Wrong! “Focus, 16, focus! It wasn’t real. It happens every night, you know that. Now get yourself together!” I listened to my voice and started to calm down. Breathe deeply. In. And out. In…and…

Steps. I felt dizzy. Did I fell asleep again? Steps, coming closer. Somepony was here. But it was so dark, that I couldn’t see anything. I narrowed my eyes and tried to perceive something. At least I tried. Nothing but shadowy schemes, which moved quickly. Suddenly something hit my pod and it threatened to tilt backwards. But it tilted back, just to tilt forwards. The unpleasant feeling of helplessness overwhelmed me and I started screaming. I braced myself against my bonds and tried to catch myself but I couldn’t move my hooves more than a couple of inches away from my body. The surface came closer and closer. I closed my eyes right before the impact. But nothing happened. I opened my eyes. Wide. In front of me was nothing. Just blackness. I screamed even louder. The feeling of falling down choked me and I coughed. The pod began to spin. And I was still falling into that big black hole of blackness. I was overwhelmed by horror and threw up, while my heart was pounding faster and faster. Faster than ever before. I fell. And screamed. “16?” Everything stopped.

The feelings I experienced vanished at a moment’s notice. Everything but the horror, but I could breathe freely. The stench of my vomit made it unpleasant. But nevertheless I was released to be on a solid surface again. “16?” Again that voice. “Are you alright?” I didn’t answer. I tried to remain in control of my heart and my breathing. “It was just a dream, just a dream. It wasn’t real. Calm down. Everything is okay. You’re fine.”

“Doesn’t seem like it to me.” said the concerned voice. “I will send for the doctor.” The doctor? Why? Apart from my panic attack I felt alright. At least better than in some other nights. What the hay was wrong with me? I couldn’t remember. It all started when I was taken here. Dubious psychic state. What was that all about? Everything was fine with me. It was just those dreams. If they were dreams. And not memories? Didn’t I read about it sometime earlier? In a magazine here in the facility. Yeah. I remembered. It explained the symptoms of ponies, who fought in the war. And when they came back, they changed. They were different. A whole different pony. They didn’t recognize their family. They couldn’t sleep. Attacked random ponies, because they thought they were enemies. Spies. Zebra spies. But I hadn’t attacked anypony. Or did I? Did I attack my family? I didn’t want to think about it. I never fought in a war. The war was over. It was years ago. Centuries. There was no war now. Everything there was, was dead, rotting ground, which remained, after the megaspells hit. A nothingness that just wanted to break you, or kill you. Or transform you into one of its terrible monsters. No, I didn’t want to end like that, not like this. If only…”16?”

I jumped. And hit my head again. Again my thoughts carried me away, so I didn’t hear how some ponies were talking directly in front of me. I merely heard him when he raised his voice and spoke to me. I tried to say “Everything’s fine, it was just a nightmare.” But all I could hear myself saying was “thangs fiine, twars jussa nighdmare”. My body was weak. I had enough for tonight. I just wanted to sleep. Without nightmares. Without shadows and death and pain. I closed my eyes. The two ponies in front were still talking to each other. I recognized the doctor by his voice. Strangely distorted. They talked about someone reacting strangely to something. I could barely hear what they were talking about. My brain was already shutting down. I did understand some words. Words like injection, dose and some other medical drivel. Oh. No. Hopefully they weren’t talking about me. Or were they? WERE THEY?

Cold fear afflicted me. It crept from my hooves up my body and it threatened to overwhelm me. Not again, please! I tried to fight it. Tried to calm down. And to my surprise it seemed to work. I slowly calmed down. And it worked. I was calm. I really felt good. Light. I felt light, as if I could fly again. Eventually I could just spread my wings and leave all this. I got sleepy and couldn’t stop my eyes from closing. Wait. There was something wrong. It was too fast and too easy. After all those nightmares and horror scenarios I could just fall asleep? Something was terribly wrong.


Then something clicked in my brain. They REALLY meant me, when they were talking about injections and syringes and all that. But before I could even open my mouth to say something, I fell into a restless, but nightmare-free, sleep.



***************



I felt…different. When I woke up I had a weird taste in my mouth. But other than that I felt fine. Adapted to the circumstances. I was still locked in my stasis pod and bond to my “bed”. Why they locked me in there was pretty clear to me, since some time ago. Other ponies weren’t so “calm” like me, when they had those weird dreams. All I remembered from last night were some minor parts. Shadowy shapes, death and sorrow. Didn’t I want to ask the doctor a question, did I? I concentrated, but it felt like somepony cleaned the board. And he just missed some little parts.

I waited for some of the employees to get me out of the pod. The stench wasn’t making me happy to be in there. Besides something really put pressure on my bladder. It looked like my stomach hadn’t the same endurance like other parts.

As my pod buddies and me were standing in a row in front of our rooms, 17 caught my eye. It seemed like my friend was really happy about something. Really. Happy. He almost couldn’t retain himself and he was grinning the whole time. As soon as possible I decided to ask him what the matter was. But first. The usual morning traditions. Showering, washing, getting dressed. Examination and breakfast. Luna on the moon, I was hungry. After dinner escaped, my stomach was really upset. And he was telling everybody. Vociferous.

Okay let’s see what we get this morning. Oh hey. The usual mash. It tasted like they put everything edible they found in a blender. And everyday they found different things to blend. But with some exceptions it was digestible. I sat between my friends 21 and 17 and we were poking each other playfully. Speaking was forbidden. But I really wanted to know, what made 17 so restless. I acted as if I wanted to reach for the salt and whispered into his ear. “What the hay is wrong with you?” But he just shook his head and looked in the direction of the guards. The guards were really rigorous in the cantina. They didn’t want to take any chances. They already had their hooves full while we had our parole. One chaos in the cantina and we would have to eat in hoofcuffs.

Past breakfast we went to our personal examinations with my doctor. All in all the facility had four doctors. Every one of them was specialized in a different subject. My doc was doctor Hippocampus. His special subject was memories and memory disorders as well as psychic stresses of all types. Although I had this nasty itch on my nostrils, he was really kind and helpful. And it was him, who always gave me extra pills, when I had those terrible headaches. The other doctors were…well they didn’t care. They just said I get the same amount of pills as everypony else and I have to get along with it on my own. Well thanks, jackasses. It wasn’t fair. Hours and hours I was laying in the leisure room and couldn’t do anything. The pounding in my head was so intense, that I thought my head would burst. Every kind of light felt like a knife thrusting into my eyes and poking into my brain. And even the dreams from the night I had already forgotten, came back and I encountered them even when I was awake. Not everypony had the same symptoms.  But they treated us objectively. With the exception of my doc. That’s why I was looking forward to his consultations.

Today was different. Something was bothering the doc and he was bad tempered. A guard ushered me in and I sat down on the chair. Doctor Hippocampus was on the other side of the room, reading a file. I looked around. In front of me were his really big table and his comfortable leather chair. For the time he spent working and reading in his room, this accommodation was more than appropriate. After all he was getting pretty old. Well he was already old when I came here the first time. But nonetheless he was one of the smartest ponies Ive ever met. His body meanwhile had some major burdens. He was really slow and moved cautiously as if like every bone would shatter if he would tumble over. He kept surprising me, though. When we were talking about some of my dreams or experiences, I didn’t have to talk much. He always knew what happened like even before I told him everything. He was even able to mention some details, which I had already forgotten. Most of the time my memories of this nights dreams came back there and I even felt the horror return. But the doctor reassured me by explaining what it meant and why I dreamt such things.

Apparently there was something wrong with my brain and I was here, so they could figure out what happened.


Oh. Hey. I just remembered what I wanted to ask him. “Doctor?” I turned around on my chair and looked over the edge of the chair.

He magically closed the file and looked at me, while he stood up and slowly walked towards his chair. “Yes, 16?”

I heard a dull thud everytime his left hindhoof tread on the floor. I turned around and tried to organize my thoughts. I wanted to phrase my question without sounding like a little scared filly. But I really wanted to hear what he had to answer. “Did I … attack my family? Am I here because of that? What is wrong with me?” Before I could stop myself, I blathered all those questions.

I blushed, as he continued to walk towards his chair and sat down with a sigh. I again did it and got on his nerves. Very good, 16. “Doctor. Ehm. Im so…”

“No, it’s quite alright. Everbody asks that question eventually. And it’s easy to answer. No, you didn’t. Your fami…”

I felt so relived that I forgot to continue to listen. So I wasn’t here because of that. All the horror, I went through in the night. It really was just a dream. And I could finally relax properly. I slid down on the chair and exhaled deeply.

“ … so we can look after you and protect you from further damage.” He stopped talking and looked at me. “So, do you have any other questions?”

I didn’t know where to start. “Actually, yes I have. If you that I haven’t attacked my family, why do I have such problems remembering anything that happened before I came here. I don’t even really know why I got here and how. I cant even remember my name.” I frowned. Especially the last thing made me feel sad. When you got here, they gave you a number. You got the number matching your pod you were sleeping in. Pod number 16. I was 16. Simple.

Hippocampus sighed again and started talking. I guessed I know why he looked so concerned. He probably heard and answered those questions many times before. “Your family brought you here, because you have this condition, where you are very confused.” Tell me, doc. “You have those migraine attacks and hallucinations. This condition is especially affecting your brain and it triggers psychic seizures. We gave you a number, because you can orientate yourself towards that and it is easier to remain order in your brain. Names are harder to memorize than numbers. And especially for you, order is most important. You got problems to remember certain events before you came here, because you had psychic attacks, which were untreated. You had migraine attacks and hallucinations, which made it hard for you to differentiate between a dream and the reality, which is the reason for your nightly seizures, while you are sleeping and experiencing dreams, which are part reality and part dream. But this is where Celestia rises the sun. Because differentiating between dream and reality relies on you. We can’t do that for you. Those are your dreams. And it’s your reality. All I can do is to point the direction. And. Because you had hallucinations even before you were here which you were mistaking for the reality, the separation of fiction and reality becomes four times harder.” He waited for my reaction.

My mind was spinning. It was too much and I felt a pang starting in my head. “Headache.” was all I could say and moaned. I covered my eyes with my hooves.

Doctor Hippocampus laughed a sympathetic laugh and offered me some water. “I know, how you feel. But don’t worry, this is excactly why we are here. And we will help you as good as we can.”

I sipped a bit from the water and continued covering my eyes. The light hurt.

“I think you should go see your friends a rest a bit. I guess you had a really exhausting night. We can talk later today.” A sad smile played around the corners of his mouth as he started tipping something into his PipBuck.

I smiled weakly and looked down. He really understood me. Moments later a guard came in and escorted me into the leisure room. 21 was already waiting for me. Seemed like 17 wasn’t done with his consultation. She immediately saw what was going on and offered me her place on the stained sofa. I sat down half-sitting, half-lying and closed my eyes. 21 leaned against me and levitated a magazine in front of her. Together we waited for 17.



*************




We didn’t have to wait long ‘til 17 arrived. As soon as he saw us he started grinning again. Ugh. It started to freak me out. Maybe he went mad after all. That grinning never never ever meant something good. My headache was almost gone. The pills started operating and I had told 21 what happened this night. She told me she had heard the screams, too. But she couldn’t say where they came from. After all all three of us were in different rooms. I was in 1B next to the exam room. 21 was in the room next to me in 2B. 17 was at the other end of the hallway in 7C. Wait. Something crossed my mind. I heard a scream. 17 did, too. I was directly next to the exam room. I didn’t know anything about nightly examinations. What was going on in there? An emergency? Maybe. I didn’t like this.

17 came closer. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of asking what he had in mind so I distracted him with a question. “Hey 17, have you ever heard of nightly examinations? 21 and me thought we heard some screams coming out of the exam room last night.” 21 shot me an angry look. She didn’t say that exactly but I wanted to give him something tangible. Since 17 was the first in here it was more likely he knew something about it.

He came closer still grinning and stopped in front of us. “Guess!” He looked like a little filly, which prepared a surprise party and was close to push me into the room, where it would happen.

“17, I asked you a question.” Silence. He wanted to play the game and wouldn’t let him get distracted. I rolled my eyes. 21 grinned at me. “You first?” I sighed and started guessing.

“Did you steal a dessert from the pantry, again?” From the three of us, 17 was the daredevil. He was as coltish as a colt. He permanently dared us to do this or that. He asked for trouble more often than every other patient in this wing. And most of the time we all had to pay for it. Because 21 and me always had to back him up. But it would be unfair to say he didn’t have the abilities to swipe a deck of cards from a table or taking away my dessert. It didn’t work on 21. She would just do her sad look on him and he wouldn’t just give her her dessert back but his additionally.

“Nope” was all he said. Okay, 21’s turn. “Errrn, did you turn off the warm water again?” Oh. Dirty trick. I remembered. This brought us the worst punishment yet, since he started playing tricks. He really managed to squeeze into the little shaft below the hallways, turned off the warm water valve and got stuck on his way back. 21 and me had to call for help. Of course the guards figured out what we did. Well, more likely what 17 did. We were just keeping a lookout. Still all three of us had to pay for it. Our punishment was to clean the bathrooms. All of them. And worse, neither of us got dessert for a whole week. Much to the regret of 17. It especially hit him very hard. Doc Hippocampus just meant that his punishment would be good for us. We had something else to do, than playing tricks and we had something to focus on. We missed three paroles because of that. One time I had to rest, because I had a migraine attack. But it never lasted very long when I was with my friends.

“Im not taking responsibility for you because of that again, 17. One time was enough.”

Again a really short and simple “Nope”.

My turn again. I didn’t have to think very long. “Did you reprogram Dr. Cortex’s PipBuck again, so it quacks everytime he did a step with his hoof?” Dr. Cortex had an accident and since that, his one hoof was permanently swollen.  He spent four solid hours in his room to figure out what made his PipBuck quack. He didn’t even need ten seconds to figure out who did it, though. But luckily Dr. Cortex wasn’t really resentful. All he did was walk past us and let out an annoyed exhale. What we did was to laugh even louder.

For the third time we heard a “Nope”. He looked back to 21. She however was tired and promised him to give him her dessert at lunch, if he would tell us, what made him grin so much.

He looked around to be sure no one was watching or eavesdropping. We got into a huddle. He moved his head closer until his nostrils were close to our ears. He remained there for a couple of seconds and waited for him to finally spill it. The he slightly bit my ear.

I was so startled that I tipped over the couch along with 21 and me sitting on it and we both layed there looking confused. We looked at each other. 17 was laughing so hard, he collapsed. The guards looked at us with concern and came over to help us stand up again. I was so embarrassed and crossed with him that my face turned red. 21 joined 17 and started laughing. Apparently my countenance was enough to make her laugh so hard that she fell over and started rolling on the floor. “Okay, that’s enough!”. I was so moped that I left jokesters on the ground and went to the bathroom. I needed some cold water in my face. As I arrived and saw myself in the mirror, I had to laugh involuntarily. My face was so red it almost matched the color of my mane. I splashed some cold water into my face and calmed down. I heard how the door to the bathroom opened and 21 came in.

She went into a cabin and locked to door. “He is especially funny today, isn’t he?” I could metaphorically hear her smiling as she said this.

“You tell me!” I sighed and was still smiling.

“Don’t be mad, you know him. And besides he told me, that he really found something interesting”. That made me raise my head curiously. I cocked my ears.

“I’m not mad. What is it that he found out?” I asked, while I was staring at the door, 21 was behind.

“He didn’t tell, but he said he will tell us after lunch, after I delivered on my promise.” I could more or less feel how she rolled her eyes. When it came to dessert, 17 became dead serious. You could literally get him to do anything if you promised him a dessert. What we, to be honest, already did occasionally. I shook my head. My friends.



***************



On the second session Doctor Hippocampus was talking about some medical stuff. He told me he had to raise the dose of my medication. The nightly seizures were dangerous for me and they couldn’t answer for me taking any damage from that. He also said that the raising of the dose wouldn’t have a bearing on me. Maybe I will be a bit sleepier because my body had to handle the medicine. I wasn’t afraid. If the medicine would help me getting some more rest at night without nightmares, I would be happy to take it. Besides it would help me getting along with migraine attacks.

“Is there anything else that bothers you, before I can send you to get lunch?” he asked with a smile. For a short time I was shocked. Did he know something? He already amazed me with his unnatural knowdlege about some things. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d knew that 17 found something out. Whatever it was. It made me worry.

As much as I wanted to go eat lunch and hear what 17 wanted to tell us. I really wanted to ask the doc a question. “Doctor? Why is none of my family visiting me? Other patients receive visitors ever so often. Noone has visited me. Ever.” I sadly looked down as I realized what that meant.

21 and 17 received visitors at least once a month. Their different family members visited them alternately and brought photos or talked about how they were doing, what they were doing and other stuff.

“16.” I raised my head and looked at him. “Can you remember anything before you got here?” I rummaged around in my head. It didn’t work. My memories of before the clinic were stored somewhere deep in my brain behind a locked door and I wasn’t able to open it. Something was blocking it. What ever had happened to me?

“No.” I answered sadly.

“Do you know who brought you here?”

I thought I could remember a black and gray colored old stallion.

“Not really.” I looked at him quizzically.

“It was your uncle, who brought you here. He escaped the Pit and …” He was interrupted by a static from the speakers and then we heard a strict voice.

“Doctor Hippocamus to 24A immediately.”

“Doctor Hippocamus to 24A immediately, please.”

I knew what was in that room. It was the office of the head of this wing. What ever this was about, it didn’t make me feel well.
Doctor Hippocampus got up and moved towards the door. “Im sorry, 16, but we have to postpone our consultations today. We’ll talk tomorrow. You can go eat lunch now. There is just something I want to tell you before you leave and please promise that you will remember it forever. Sometimes we experience terrible things. Things, which are so dreadful, that our brain cant process them. In such a specific case our brain has an amazing ability. I can decide to alter the reality. It can create a new reality, which is real for you, but not for anyone else. You virtually fabricate a lie and accept it as the truth. The second thing than can happen is that you don’t accept the truth and suppress it. Your brain is deluding you to protect you. We forget things on purpose. Because those things, those experiences could destroy you. And I don’t mean your physical body. But your mind…your soul. If your soul gets destroyed, there is nothing and noone in this world who can help you. 
Protect your soul, 16. It is the most important thing you possess.”



******************



> Chapter 2: Blackout
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Fallout Equestria: Mindless

Chapter 2
Blackout


by LunaOnTheMoon


The sun was rising. Its golden rays illuminated the clouds and covered them in an orange light. A cool wind was blowing.
I was sitting on one of the smaller clouds, which was soft to the touch. It was very comfortable. I’d just loved to lie down and sleep, but somehow I felt restless. It felt like I was waiting on something.

I looked around. Nothing unusual. I felt into my body. Pretty normal, too. But something was strange. I felt very sturdy.

When I looked down, I saw much black stuff. I was wearing some kind of armor.
I touched it and tried to stretch it. But it wouldn’t budge. It was very light but still, I felt very well protected. A kind of helmet was clamped to my side.
Even my wings were covered in this armor stuff. It was so tight, it fit like a second skin.

But the most surprising was the rifle, which was hanging around my back.
It was an amazing weapon. It was incredibly large, but nevertheless I didn’t feel its weight.
If it was generally very light or just because I was wearing this armor, I couldn’t say. 

Weird.

I walked a couple steps forward, so I could look down. I wasn’t very far up, but I couldn’t really picture anything.
But to be honest, there wasn’t really something I could picture, even if I wanted to. 

There was a big city behind me with an even bigger mountain in the center. It was sky-high and tapered off. But other than that, just grass, trees and a river.

When I turned around again, I saw something different. I spotted three Pegasi, flying towards me really fast. 
Every single one of them was wearing the same armor as me. The only thing different were the weapons, they were wearing.
One of them was wearing a pair of saddlebags, next to a relatively small firearm. With their yellow color they stood out against the black armor.

After they spotted me, they came closer. They stopped right in front, hovering mid-air. No talk. Just looks.

One of them raised a hoof and pointed at my helmet.

I gave a short nod and put on the helmet with the help of my wings. After I put it on top of my head and spun it a little to close it, a whole new world spread before my eyes.

There were information everywhere I looked. I saw a little scheme of a pony standing sideways, little boxes next to the other ponies, which were still hovering in front of me.
I looked closely at one of the boxes, next to one of them.

<Umbra Fenris> stood at the top of the box. Below that many other numbers and a huge amount of text. But it didn’t seem important right now.

“I’ve waited for you. We don’t have much time. We have to go. Now.” I said.

I turned around and started running. As I reached the end of the little cloud I was standing on, I took a flying leap, did a front flip and let myself fall towards the ground. After a couple of seconds of free falling I spread my wings, did a barrel roll and flew like an arrow towards the sun.

When I looked behind, I saw the others trying to catch up.
As I turned my head again something weird was happening in front of me. I saw a large, dark cloud shaping at the horizon. Like a really huge thunderstorm, but it was so fast. Very unnatural for a normal weather phenomenon. I focused my visor.

My eyes went wide. I could see, this wasn’t a cloud, but a huge amount of flying creatures.
Whether it were ponies or not, I couldn’t say.

With a smile on my lips, I beat my wings faster and flew directly towards them.


****************



I jerked awake. But this time it was different. This dream was different. I tried to remember something. But the more I tried, the faster I seemed to forget the details. It had felt so real.

“Okay, just calm down.” I said to myself.

You’re still here. In your room, inside your pod. Everything the same as it ever was.
Pretty weird if you could calm down by remembering that everything was as it was before, although you were in a mental hospital, full of psychos, strapped to a bed in a room full of medical tools and other psychos.

But something different seemed to bother me.

I tried to remember something, but my memories of yesterday were spongy. Normally I could remember everything what happened the day before, even if I sometimes didn’t really know if it was reality or just my imagination.
Something was different. I could feel it. My whole body was tensed and my head hurt. A lot.
I looked around, but I couldn’t see anything through the glassy wall of my pod. Even if the lamps outside were burning with half their power.

I blinked and narrowed my eyes, hoping I could see something.

There was something. A shadow.
Something was in front of my pod. I moved my head and tried to see more. I think…OUCH!
A sharp pain shot through my neck. Damn. What the hell was that?

My eyes watered and I gagged. 
I tried to reach my neck with my hooves, but they were strapped tightly.
Something pointy was stuck in my neck. I didn’t know what I was, but it hurt a lot, now that I felt it. What was it doing there? I never had any infusions. I always got my medicine beforehand and went to bed.

“Don’t move.” 

It was muffled, but I could hear somebody talking outside my pod. I tried again to picture something, but couldn’t see anything. Someone was standing in front of my Pod, I was sure of it.

“Who’s there?” 

I waited for an answer.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Then I saw a shadow moving away. I listened closely. But the only thing I heard was someone opening and closing the door.

I went through my memories. I knew that voice. But who was it? 
Owwwww. My headache became worse. I couldn’t think straight. The pain in my neck was making it worse and slowly I fell into a restless sleep.


****************


I woke up and had problems remembering anything. But this time it was worse. I felt weak and would’ve very much liked to go back to sleep, but the daily routine was pending.
I tried not to think too much. My brain was especially slow this morning and my stomach felt sick.

I kept my eyes closed. The light was like a knife in my head.

After all the medical stuff, we were brought into the cantina. It was very quiet here. The very thing for me right now.

21 and 17 sat next to me. They poked me, but I wasn’t in the mood for that. From the corner of my eye, I could see 21’s worried look, but I kept staring silently at my food, which I didn’t touch.
17 on the other side was devouring his meal vociferous at his own pleasure. The guards disapproved obviously, but didn’t interfere. They didn’t want to start something. 

After everybody was finished, the consultations with the doctors started.

I’d loved to go straight into the leisure room, but my consultation was right after breakfast. A guard picked me up and escorted me.

On my way to Doctor Hippocampus room I was drugged with fatigue. I couldn’t even walk straight. Then pain got worse.
The guard had to figuratively drag me into his room. He was breathing heavily, after he helped me to sit down on the chair and left the room.

Hippocampus was already waiting, sitting on his chair. I couldn’t read his face. It was almost stoic. But as bad as I felt, I couldn’t concentrate on anything and closed my eyes.

I could hear a soft thunder outside.

“Good morning, 16.” 

I didn’t answer. 

„A little pale today.“ 

Silence.

I felt like I would throw up if I would as much as open my mouth.

“I see.” 

I felt bad and tried to say something. 

„Pain…weak.“ My voice was hollow.

“I see.”

He stood up and walked behind me. He seemed to think about something. But he didn’t move.

I wondered what he was thinking about, but I felt so very weak, I just wanted to be left alone.

He moved. And came back with a pill and some water.

“Here, take this pill and get some rest. We can talk later.”

I kept my eyes closed and swallowed the pill, while he called for the guard, which brought me to the leisure room.

I looked for 21, but this time she wasn’t already there, so I laid down in a corner and hoped that nobody disturbed me

I closed my eyes and tried to block out all the noises around me. It didn’t really work.

Every little noise, scratching or ticking, was hammering against my head. 
I covered my ears with my hooves, but the dull throbbing kept on. A ticking clock. The footsteps of a guard, patrolling around. It was driving me mad.

My thoughts went wild. I tried to calm down, but it just got worse.
I looked around in panic. Didn’t know what to do. I was breathing faster and faster.

Something touched me from the side.
I jumped, my eyes opened wide and I jerked my head to the side. Due to the fast movement I lost my balance and fell over. My headache made me gag. 

The guard, who had touched me, stood above me and moved her lips. But I couldn’t hear anything but a high pitched noise and the thumping of my heart. I was breathing heavily.
The guard moved her lips again and came a little closer to look into my eyes. I was scared and didn’t know what to do. Panic spread inside me, so I grabbed her neck, pulled her down and held her in a tight grasp. 

She stayed there and didn’t move an inch.
I saw the other guards come running quickly. I closed my eyes.

I knew what happened now. When a patient had a seizure and was about to hurt themselves or others, they had to be sedated and secured.

I was waiting for the others to free the guard in my embrace. But nothing happened.

I felt vibrations in one of my legs, where I held the neck of the guard.
I opened my eyes. She was speaking.

I curled up around the guard and feared the violence of the other guards. But still, nothing happened.

I winced, when something touched my head. But it was gentle.

Someone was stroking my head.

Again I opened my eyes und looked at the guard, who was moving her leg up and down above my head. It was her.
And she spoke.

We stayed there for a while, until my hearing returned slowly and my headache faded a little.

“Everything’s fine. It’s alright. Nobody is hurting you. Relax.“

She was repeating it again and again with a voice that was like 21’s. But there was something more. It affected something inside me. Deep down calmness seemed to spread, which was overwhelming.
She looked into my eyes. And then I saw it. There was something, I couldn’t explain but it was soothing and unwinding.

Eventually I let go of her, so she was able to stand up.

That voice. I had heard it somewhere before.

Two guards picked me up and brought me into my bed. There was no one around at this time, so they just put me there. 
I closed my eyes.

I could hear 21 debating with the guards outside and moments later she entered the room. She sat down beside me and stroked my mane, like the guard did before.

My tension started to dissipate.
When I opened my eyes, I saw 17 sitting in front of me. He was grinning encouragingly and balanced a glass of water on top of his head.
I could see the guard, which I had embraced, standing next to the door. She was watching me curiously and somehow I got the feeling, that I knew her.


****************


“Hey.”

Mmmmmmmm…..

“Hey!” 

Again this voice. 

“Wake up.“ 

I jerked awake. Just one time. Couldn’t I just one time, wake up normally? Well, as far as I could recall I always woke up like that.

I looked around. I still felt a little dizzy. That guard was standing next to me and looked at me.

“It’s mealtime. You must be hungry, since you didn’t eat a single bite at breakfast. The doctor wants to see you, too.” I got up.

“Where are 21 and 17?”

„Who?“ She looked confused.

“21. And 17. Those two patients, who were here with us. In this room?“

„Oh. Ehm. They had to go. You know, consultations. With their doctors. You slept for almost six hours. Its supper time.“

„Really?“

„Yup.“

Wow. Six hours. And I couldn’t remember any weird dreams. Well, honestly I couldn’t remember any dream at all.

“You should hurry.” Something felt wrong about this pony.
She was acting weird. Different than all the other guards. Not in a bad way. In a good way actually. But exactly this was making me think.

I decided not to ask her who she was and walked outside my room. I could feel her eyes on my back, but when I turned around, she was leaving in the opposite direction.

For the second time this day, I went to the cantina. I put some food on a tray and sat down. I was so hungry, that I was finished after a couple of minutes.

Hm. I noticed that the guard hadn’t told me when to go to the doctor. So I decided to wait for the end of mealtime. 

Wait.

Where are 21 and 17? We always ate together.

The guard had mentioned they had their consultations with their doctors, but it was mealtime. They couldn’t last that long. I mean, they were missing supper. I couldn’t imagine going to bed without supper. I knew that especially 17 would object. He was missing out on a whole dessert.

When mealtime was over, I immediately went to Doctor Hippocampus’ room. The halls were empty, except for the one or other guard.
As usual they ignored me. The guards didn’t pay us any attention unless they had to. They had learned to leave us psychos alone or they would go mad themselves.

I reached the doctor’s room and right before I knocked, I heard something. 

It was a whisper. And it sounded like 21.

I walked down the hall quickly, until I saw them. 
They were standing in front of a door, while 17 was pressing buttons on a console at the wall next to it. Every time he pressed a button, the console gave a little beep. 21 was right behind him and watched him work.

“Hey.” 

I saw how both of them jerked. 21 turned around. I saw fear in her eyes. 

„Be quiet. Or do you want us to get caught?“ she whispered, while she was pulling me into the room, whose door 17 had opened meanwhile. 

I looked around.

Wait, this was … or wasn’t it? My eyes widened.

„What are you doing here? It’s not allowed for us to…” I wanted to protest, but 21 interrupted me.

“How are you, 16? I’m so sorry I couldn’t stay, but the guards wouldn’t let me. Were you able to recover a bit?” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

I looked at her confused. “Yes, very much. I mean, I’ve slept well, no nightmares. Where have you been? You weren’t in the cantina.”

“We’ve been here to… um…” Now she looked confused at me. “Don’t you remember?” 
She frowned and sighed. “Really, 16, we have just talked about it yesterday.”

“Ehm. Really? About what?”

Now both of them frowned at me. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Shhhhh, quiet!” She took a quick glimpse outside and checked. “Please go outside and keep a lookout. We’ll explain later.”

I gave them an annoyed look. I didn’t like to be treated like a child. At least not by my friends, but I went outside and wandered around aimlessly, while staying close to the door.

The guards outside still paid no attention to me. I knew that no guard would go into the room right now, even if it was the staffroom. The consultations took place right now and the other guards did either watch the ponies in the leisure room or had other tasks.

Nevertheless every time a guard went by the door I became nervous and started to tense up. 
Whatever were they doing in there? And how did they get in? And why couldn’t I remember anything? 

It was enough to drive me mad. 

Well. Maybe to mads could add up and I could become normal again.

Very funny. Now shut up. I kicked the wall furiously.

“Hey.” 

I froze. Oh good Luna.

“You’re supposed to go to your doctor.“ That guard again. She had seen me and came over.

“Did you get lost?” She stopped in front of me and looked at me warily. Why did we always seem to clash? Was she following me?

She stood there and waited for an answer. 

“Well?”

“No, errm, I mean… yes. I was on my way and I think got lost somewhere. This day was pretty exhausting and I think I’m a bit confused.”

‘A bit’. Pfff. I was in a mental hospital ultimately. 

I tried to put on a pitiful look and pouted, like 17 did it all the time, when he was already finished with his dessert and we weren’t. But it didn’t seem to work. She frowned at me, but didn’t seem to pay too much attention to it, because she stepped behind me and escorted me to Doctor Hippocampus’ room.

I looked back. “Did you know that bloatsprites can sing?” I turned around again. “And I’m smoking bottlecaps with my pipe.” Our secret code, if something went wrong. I looked back again and grinned at her.

She had stopped and looked at me like I really went crazy this time. Then she nudged my flank. 
I briefly peered at the door and hoped that my friends realized they had to be more careful from now on. Whatever they were doing inside.

For the second time this day I went into the somewhat frightening room of Doctor Hippocampus. It always was pretty dark and pictures of ponies in pain were on the wall. I didn’t know why anyone could like to hang such pictures in his room. I could understand the connection since he was a doctor, but it didn’t make me feel very safe.

Hippocampus was sitting on his chair, but this time he wasn’t awaiting me. Instead he was focusing on a file lying in front of him on his huge wooden desk. I never really understood how he was able to retrieve such things nowadays. Maybe they were already here because someone abandoned them right before the bombs fell.

I was standing in the center of the room looking at him. 
Somehow I got the feeling that he didn’t like what he was reading. The guard nudged me again and pushed me down on the chair in front of the desk. The she went outside and closed the door. I didn’t like it.

Something was bothering him and I had a bad feeling that it was related to me.

“Hello, 16. I hope you feel better after what happened this morning.” He looked up and waited for an answer. I just nodded.

“We’ve got some important things to talk about.” 

He made a little pause and studied the file for a second, then he looked up and leaned back in his chair.

“You remember, what we discussed yesterday about raising your dose?” This time he didn’t wait for an answer. “I don’t want to burden you with the question why, but there are a couple of things you have to understand. I will try to explain them as easy as I can.” He raised and slowly walked behind me. I kept staring at his now empty chair.

“You were hospitalized about two years ago. Someone brought you here, because you couldn’t remember anything. You couldn’t tell me a name, location, age, or anyone, you could remember. The only thing you had with you were a moderate amount of injuries and a kerchief.”

A what? “Who was it? ... The pony that brought me here.”

He was quiet for a moment, but I guess he expected this question.

“Well, it was a him and as far as I can remember, he just said that your family had told him to bring you here. And something about paying a debt. But he was very short on information. We had asked him the usual questions. But he kept saying that he owed your family and he would be square after this. He left right after we told him you could stay. ... I’m sorry that I can’t tell you more. Especially now. ... Please let me explain.“

I frowned.

„We have never had a case like you here, 16. Ponies are here for the most different reasons, but most of the time, they’re pretty similar. You are an exception. You’re the first one, who was hospitalized to get help. Don’t get me wrong. Everypony is here to be helped, but the minority is here willingly. You see, this facility has an agenda and we get support from many important institutions to reach that goal.”

What was he trying to say?

“I guess you know that there are very different kinds of sick ponies. But they all have something in common. Every single one of them has a condition that makes them … different.”

No shit.

“You, too, have this condition, but your kind of condition is evolving in a different way.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“16, what I want to say is, that we are having problems to find the source of your problems. On the one hoof we know your symptoms and can treat them, but that won’t help you for good. If we don’t find the source, you will have to stay here for the rest of your life. And I guess that neither you nor our supporters want that. Our problem is that we can’t treat you anymore.”

“What do you mean? Everything’s as usual isn’t it?” Slowly I started to get a nightmarish feeling.

“Well, we thought the same way. Until today. It started out with vigorous hallucinations, caused by your constant migraine attacks. We were able to treat them and in our sessions we got a rough picture of what could cause them. As I told you yesterday, something must have happened in your past that your brain couldn’t process, so it partially stopped working. 
But still, compared to the other patients you’re the cleverest and most lucid person, I ever treated.” 

That made me smile, but he still hadn’t told me what he meant with all this.

“The one and only problem are your seizures that make you behave more like the others. As time went by, your seizures got worse, but we had the resources and skills to treat them. 
In addition to that, you have your exceptional friends that help you stay in our world. But since yesterday something has changed.”

He put on a very serious look and searched my face for some kind of reaction. He looked into my eyes. 

“You had very intense seizures at night and we raised your dose, but you had a different reaction. As you can recall, you didn’t feel very well this morning and I’m pretty sure that some other symptoms occurred, am I right?”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Your memories, 16. Your memories.”

„But I can…” My eyes widened. A shudder went through my body. Earlier with 21 and 17. 

That dream tonight. I looked at him disbelievingly. „How do you…?“ I whispered.

„After your seizure this morning we administered some tests, when you were asleep. We found something. Something that no one was able to explain. Something in your body changed and prevents our medication to work. Before you can object. Yes, they still work like they did before, but at a horrible price. The medicine, which should help you deal with your condition, seems to mutate in your body and while it’s helping reduce the intensity of your seizures, they attack the part of your brain, which we’ve been working with for so long now.
Your memories.”

“My memories?”

“That part of the brain that’s responsible for memories, yes. We don’t know why. This medication was especially developed for long term use and should suppress a generation of resistance.” he said with an angry tone. “It like your body is struggling against it. But nobody can explain why.”

“This means, I…?” I stared into a void and tried to understand what it meant.

Slowly he answered. “This means, you will either start having more intense seizures day by day or lose your memories bit by bit ... until they will all be gone someday.”

“I…I…”

“I’m so sorry, 16.” He whispered. „But there’s nothing more I can do for you. The choice is yours. I’m so very sorry.”

He came closer and put a hoof on my shoulder. I looked into his face. I saw sorrow and desperation.

Then he left the room and I was alone.


****************


I could hear them talking outside. My world was empty. I couldn’t realize what he had just said. At first I was angry.

Why did he tell me this? He could’ve just continued treating me. Eventually I would just lose all my memories and would live happily ever after. But what was it good for? I would just ask myself why I couldn’t remember the last day, the last hour, anything… my friends.

I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. Everything I felt was… nothing. Like my body wasn’t able to feel emotions.

I didn’t know how long I sat there and just … did nothing. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel. I listened to my heartbeat. It was steady. My body felt some kind of numb. But on the other side like it would burst the second I moved an inch.

What should I do?
Stay here? Until the last memory of my life before the hospital vanished and then wander around aimlessly until my dreams became my reality and I would finally snap?

One thing I knew. I couldn’t stay here. As much as my heart hurt, I knew that. It was time to go. Go back. Wherever I came from.

The door opened and my body started again. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now, so I turned around and walked outside, hanging my head. I heard a heartbreaking sob, which could only come from 21, but I didn’t dare look into her face.

I walked past her. Tears ran down my face and fell to the ground. Looked like my emotions had caught up with me. I walked faster and tried not to sob. I just wanted to leave. Away from everything here.

I walked around the halls. With no aim. Thoughts passed my brain. So many. What should I do? Why was it happening? Why me? 

I couldn’t find an answer. 

My head emptied. 

Eventually I looked up and realized where I was.

My favorite place. A balcony on top of the roof. Technically this place was only for staff, but I had never seen anyone up here. Just me. And 21. And 17.

This was the place I had met them for the first time. You could even catch a glimpse of the sun sometimes. Even if it was just some single rays. The ascent was locked, but the key wasn’t hard to find.

My friends gave me some time, but eventually they came up. 

I stared into the distance. 
There were mountains that formed some kind of Y. Where the edges met, you could sometimes see the red fireball, when it set.
The spectacle was covered by the cloud layer admittedly, but it could never truly conceal it.

A warm breeze blew through my hair and I thought about being out there again soon. I wasn’t afraid. I couldn’t remember anything before my time here, but I wasn’t born in the clinic. My origin was in that vast nothingness called Wasteland.

But where? Why had no one ever returned to look for me?

“Please, don’t go.” 21 whispered.

“I have to.“ I whispered back.

“You don’t have to do anything.”

“And what else should I do? Stay here? Until I can’t remember anything? Not even you?“ I asked upset. 

21 looked at me sadly. 17 sat a little further away, his body averted.

I calmed myself. But desperation spread rapidly inside me.

“No. No matter how you look at it, I will lose you. The only thing that kept me here. And I will forget you. The director won’t let me stay. It never was my choice, like the doctor said. I won’t continue taking my medicine. And when I do that, I am useless to them. They can’t help me. I’d just be a waste of resource.”

21 started crying and pulled me into a firm embrace. And then I couldn’t hold myself together anymore. I cried.

“Please. Please tell me this is just a dream. Please tell me. Tell me I can stay with you.“ I begged with a tearful voice. I cried into her mane. She held fast onto me, just like she could keep me here like this.

“17?” He turned around and looked into my eyes. Then he turned around again. His shoulders were shaking.

This was it. Everything finally caught up with me and I lost all my strength. But somehow I even felt relieved. Sitting here with my friends and crying let me feel a little less desperate. Although I didn’t knew what to do now. At least this memory I wouldn’t forget.

Hopefully.

At some point all the tears dried up. All three of us gazed into the distance. 

One could see a vast plain, a lot of shrubs, but no grass. 
Just sand and stone. 
A couple of steep hills rose into the sky like platforms. 

It was almost dark and the sky had a light red color. A softly blowing breeze wafted through our manes. It was getting chilly.

We sat next to each other. Me in the center, 17 to the left and 21 on the right.

“We’ll go with you!” 17 said next to me.

I looked to the side, into his eyes. “But … you can’t. You don’t know what it’s like outside.”

“Do you?”

I looked away. No, I didn’t. „I don’t want you to come with me. If I have to go outside and die, okay. But if I know, that you’re there with me and … please 17, I could never forgive myself.”

“And how do you think, we feel about that?” he snarled at me. “Do you think, we will stay here and watch you walk outside, go mad and die? Of course, no problem at all. 
Before you came here, I was nothing. I was a pony without thoughts and a sense of time. I woke up from a dream after days, in which I murdered and mutilated ponies, just to realize, this wasn’t a dream, but memories, only to sink back into that dreamy state out of remorse. Don’t think you’re the only one with problems here. Since the three of us are together, in all those months, I never had such dreams again.
If you go, then don’t expect me to go on. If you go, I will go, too.”
I knew what he meant. 

It didn’t matter what I did. They would be with me.

“The way I see it, we have two options here: One, you leave us. Probably go mad outside, die or both and 21 and I will go mad, too, but we will live. But would that be a life?
I’m not a fan of option one.

Option two, we fight. We fight for every second we get to spend with each other. Whether its two minutes… or two days… we don’t give that up. I don’t want to give that up.

My vote? Let’s try. You know, we can all be poetic and just lose our minds together.”

I looked at him and realized what our friendship meant to him. In this very moment I felt a warmth in my heart that dispelled all my fear. 
I looked at 21. She smiled at me and nodded once.

“Okay then, but how do we get out? All the work and resources they put into us. I don’t think they’ll just let us go.”

I looked back at 17. But he had put on his usual smile that meant he already had a plan.

And in his hooves, he held a PipBuck.


****************


Then things started to happen very fast. 
We had a plan. Or maybe better, the others had a plan. Because apparently I couldn’t remember a thing. 

We went down and into the leisure room. Some patients were still here.

What had happened that suddenly everything was so different? The doctor meant my body refuses the medicine. 

Why? 
And so sudden?

I became a little anxious. “17! What are we doing here? It’s almost curfew. What do we do?” I whispered.
He looked at me emphatically. 
“Where should we go? I…” 

He turned around and covered my mouth with his hoof.

“We don’t have much time. If we want to leave tonight, we must hurry.” I looked at him and my eyes widened. 
I tried to talk, but his hoof was still there. “16, please don’t interrupt me. They will bring us into our rooms soon. You and I are together in one room that means, I will come get you, 21. Please just stay in your pod and wait.” She nodded decisively.

“16, now you. We talked about that yesterday, but since you can’t remember. 
We will need this PipBuck. Most of its functions don’t help us now, but we need it to get out of here. Please just follow me and do what I do.”

“Okay, but why tonight?”

“16, please trust me. I got here many months before either of you. I know what happens with patients, which they can’t help anymore. Trust me, tonight is our best chance. Tomorrow it would become many times harder.”

What does that mean? The doctor meant I could choose. Wait. Didn’t I had that thought already?

“16, please, don’t be so naïve, if we want to make it, you have to trust me.” 

Okay. Get ahold of yourself.

“Okay, sorry. Tell me what to do.”

He smiled. “Nothing.”
I frowned at him. “Ooookay.”

“Just go to bed and sleep, but try to remember what we just talked about. Don’t try to stay awake. You need to be up to the mark.”
I wasn’t sure. Not about us escaping. I trusted my friends. More than everyone else here. Even more than Doctor Hippocampus, I had to admit sadly. 

I had to be up to the mark. That meant no nightmares and no seizures.
How was I supposed to do that? Furthermore, how should I remember? What if I forgot everything? 

17 was whispering to 21. 

The guards were preparing to get the patients into their rooms. Those who were here didn’t seem to care. They were in their own worlds. 
I never really cared about them, but now as I was looking around … this was my familiar surroundings. I knew the ropes. It felt like … home. At least more than any place I could else think of.

Well, which other placed did I know? 

Okay, 16. Not the time to think about such things. Try to concentrate. Remember what happened.

There. 
Again. 
That guard. 

She was standing next to another guard, which she had talked to just seconds ago. But like she had just waited for it, she now looked at me.

Oh, please don’t be leery. 

I smiled at her nervously. And she heartily smiled back.

Wow. I didn’t expect that. Well, either she thought, the three of us were discussing how to bake a cake with all serious faces, or she went for me.

Seriously. As crazy as all of the patients were, if three of them stood together, looking around nervously, while speaking hastily with each other, all of my warning bells would start to ring. Because harmless us patients really were not. There were incidents, where some guards were seriously harmed.

Okay, okay. Not the time to think about that. Sunshine and rainbows, 16. Sunshine and rainbows.

I returned to the here and now and looked at the guard again. She still watched me. 
Now I gave her a hearty smile. And she. Now she looked leery. 

What the hell was wrong with her?

I tried to act as ordinary as I could. I went to the couch and sat down.
Boy, was it hard. How did you act ordinary, if you were a “psycho”? 
I gave up.

Just don’t think about it. I thought about tomorrow and what was approaching. When I peered briefly at the guard, I saw she was still watching me … with a sad face. 

How did she do it, seriously? It was almost like she could see into my heart.

“Curfew!”

We formed a line. Some patients needed some “help”, but then we were checked off. 

After every mark was on the checklist, we were brought into our rooms. 
My heart was beating. I was so nervous and feared, that somebody would find out, so I looked down.
I didn’t think that anyone would even get the idea that patients could plan to escape. I guess they wouldn’t expect us to be capable of doing that.

Most of the ponies here had their own problems and didn’t even know, where they are.
When I passed by the guard I looked away. I didn’t want anyone to assume something. 

Maybe I should tell 21 and 17. But it was too late for that now. We didn’t have any chance to talk before tomorrow morning.
I turned around and looked back at 21 before I went into my room. She gave me a short nod and turned her head around again, walking past us to her room. 

My heart was beating rapidly, although our escape wouldn’t happen for another couple of hours.

I climbed into my bed and tried to get comfortable. My body was shaking. The tension and excitement were too much.

Calm down, 16, or you’re going to blow it.

The guard came and put on the straps. 
And … of course. 
That guard. 

I felt uncomfortable, as she was going around my bed and tightened them.

But I decided to take the chance and ask her. Tomorrow it would be too late.

“Who are you?” I asked her, although I couldn’t see her. 

She walked in front of me and gave me a quizzical look.

“Me?” I nodded. 
“I’m Guard L. 
Go to sleep, 16.” She said and brushed a strand of my mane out of my face. “You really had an exhausting day.”

The cover of my pod closed and I was moved into a half standing, half lying position. 
The guards left the room and Guard L turned around and looked at me for a second, before she dimmed the light and closed the door.

Somehow I had the feeling, that I would miss her. Also it didn’t really make sense to me.

Okay. Take a deep breath. You have to be fit tomorrow. Don’t lose your memories. We will escape. 
And what then? … I didn’t have an answer for that.


****************


Headache. Racking headache. 

One would think I got used to it eventually. But it never was this easy. 

I repeated the actions of the last day repeatedly in my head. 
I feared to forget. And my thoughts liked to drift all the time. My head went through all the details again and again. I tried to relax, but it seemed impossible.

I tried to imagine lying on a cloud. With 21 and 17. 

Guard L stood in the back amidst the air and winked at me. 21 started humming like she always did. That humming helped me calm down. I felt my body relaxing. 

My head became lighter and all my thoughts floated out of my head. 
I caught all the important ones, watched the others fly away and get caught by Doctor Hippocampus. He condensed them to a little pill. 

He looked at me and smiled, then he lunged and threw it at me. 
I closed my eyes reflexively and covered my face with my hoof.

“Hey, why…?” 

When I opened my eyes again, everything had changed.

Chaos. 

Fire. 

Everywhere.

“What the, where…?”

“Captain.” A shimmering pony with a silver armor ran towards me. A rifle was floating next to him. 
“Captain! Finally. The zebras have gotten into the palace, we can’t hold them off anymore. We have to evacuate the princess.” 

Princess?

Ehm. What? Wait. “17. Is that you?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Private Pum’kin Flakes, 17th Battalion, 1st Division, Unit 7 of the Royal Guards, Ma’am.” He saluted.

I laughed. “No, no. You’re 17. My friend, 17! It’s me, 16.”
“Ma’am?” 

I raised an eyebrow.

“Now stop pretending. I recognize you, even with that stupid armor. Although you’re pretty glowy beneath.” 
Boom. An explosion behind 17 made me think.
Something was amiss here.

“Okay, ehm Sergeant … Funny Flanks. Suit yourself, bring me to … whatever.” On the spot he turned around and started running. 

We were in the middle of nowhere. A large open country extended before us.

There were fires burning everywhere and smoke gathered in the sky. I didn’t know, where we were. I looked around and tried to compensate all the information.

As I turned my heard forward again, my mouth fell open in awe. It looked like a mountain that tapered off. It was massive and somehow intimidating.

Around us was so much green. Trees. And grass. 

Green grass, at least where it wasn’t burned by the fires. Not that sick and contaminated grass I was used to. 

This wasn’t the wasteland I knew. 

The smoke got denser.
I thought I would lose 17, so I ran faster. Fires everywhere. Pretty much everything flammable was on fire.

There was a rhythm of cracks in the distance. A sequence that quickly became repetitive. 

And an alarm.
It was the most frightening sound I had ever heard.
“17, I’m scared. Let us turn around, please.” I called out.
He stopped and waited for me.

“What is all this?”

“We can’t stop now. We have to get to the throne room. We vowed to protect her.” 
I got a bad feeling. What was he talking about?

“Protect who? 17, please, I can’t go on.” But I couldn’t get him to stop. He turned around again and started running.

“Come on.” He called out to me. 

I followed him, but only because I was so scared.

The further we came, the louder it got.

I had a ringing in my ear and those cracks all the time that created a short echo. 
There was so much fire now that created a thick smoke layer. The heat burned my face and my eyes hurt. I heard ponies scream around us. But is sounded dull, like they were behind a wall.

I coughed and panic began to spread inside me.

Then 17 was gone.

“17? … 17!” No answer. I started running faster. Now I panicked. 
Ponies appeared around me, staring at the ground. And… zebras, too. With weapons. Some were pawing at the ground, as if they were digging for something.

I called again, but then I saw him. Smiling, he stood next a pony which looked very familiar.

“21?”

“Hello, 16.” She said and looked at me. She smiled, too, but her eyes were sad.
“What are you doing here?”

“The same as you.” she said. 

Everything was so different. Her mane was short and she was glowing like 17. On her back were two yellow saddlebags with pink butterflies on it.

“We have to go.” 17 said and lead the way.

“Stay close.” 21 whispered and followed him.

I waited. 

And waited more. I didn’t want to move. I felt uncomfortable, but it seemed right. 

The scene changed. Suddenly we were in a massive room with a tall ceiling. There were statues that reflected the light from outside. A big cone of light shone on the ground before me. And in that cone stood Guard L.
She smiled and winked at me. Then she ran off. 
I followed her without hesitation. 

She led us upstairs. We climbed many of them. I could see an orange sun through the windows. If it was a sunrise or sunset, I couldn’t say.

We reached a room that was decorated far more beautiful than all the others. In the center was a massive throne that seemed to be made of the same material as everything else.
In front of it laid a white pony. 

I stepped closer. Guard L stood right next to it. She reached out with her hoof and pointed at the pony.
The closer I got the more ponies appeared around it. They emerged out of thin air and I had to struggle through.

When I finally got close enough to look at him, I somehow got the feeling I knew him. I had seen him before. 
But where?

It felt like the answer was right in front of me and all I had to do was extend a hoof and grab it, but I couldn’t. 

He had a white mane and blue hair with purple skeins.
He was handsome. Very muscular. And a Unicorn.

His mouth moved, but I couldn’t hear anything. I bowed my head and moved my ear closer.

Then I heard him. “Save her. Save the princess.”

Then he bit my ear. Ow!
I jumped. I looked down, but he was gone.

Where he had disappeared, now stood 17 in his freaky armor.

“Why did you do that?” But he didn’t regard me. He didn’t even seem to hear me.
Then he looked next to me. It looked like he saw somebody standing behind me, but when I turned around, there was nothing.

He started talking. “We have to save her. She doesn’t deserve it. Nobody does. Although we don’t know her.” 

What? What was he talking about? And who was he talking to?

“17?”

“16, if you’re here somewhere. You have to go back and save her. Hurry!”

“STOP. JUST STOP IT. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” I screamed at him. But he didn’t notice me.

I was so desperate, I started crying.

“What am I supposed to do? Save someone? But who? … ANSWER ME!” I cried out. No reaction.

Go back. And save her. … Go where?

Something hit me in my face. So hard, I fell to the ground.
“Oooooowwwww. What the fuck was that?” I looked around. My head was thumping.

It was dark. 

Everything had changed again. I couldn’t see a thing.

When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw schemes. 
It was nighttime. 

I was outside.
There was light behind me. Much light. It was white. And red and yellow. 

Fire.

I narrowed my eyes and tried to picture something. This was …, but …, impossible. How did I get here?

The hospital was in front of me. 
I stood in the dark half a mile away. It was on fire.

I remained motionless. Tried to find an explanation what had happened. 

I couldn’t. I was outside. 
The outside.
We had talked about escaping. But. This couldn’t be. I couldn’t remember anything. And why was it burning?

A sound next to me made me jump. I crouched down and made myself small. I cocked my ears. 
Tried to listen to anything that could mean danger. 

I heard a noise pretty close to me, but couldn’t tell what it was.

There. Again this noise. 

It sounded like a rock. Hitting another rock and trundle on. Was something throwing rocks at me?

Of all the stories in the wasteland and its dangers, I couldn’t remember one that threw rocks at you.

I could hear the spitting of the fire at the clinic. The pattering of the rain. And again.

Such a silent noise, I could barely hear it. Something was there. But what?

What do I do? And where are 17 and 21? 

I decided to go. We wanted to escape and it seemed like we did it. Although we weren’t together.
Something must have happened. 
But I doubted that they still were in the clinic. 
I really hoped so.

I guess they just lost sight of me. 

It was so dark here, I could barely see anything. The only source of light were the fires. I could see some outlines.

It went up a steep hill behind me. There were rocks and boulders everywhere.
I turned around and started climbing the hill. 

There. Again. Stone on stone. A little further away.

I took a stone and threw it towards the clinic. Then I listened. Maybe it was some kind of signal or identification. Nothing.

I called out for 17 and 21 quietly. Hopefully it was them and nothing that wanted to kill or eat me. 

I heard something. Again I called out.

“Help.” an almost impossible to hear voice called.

I started running. Crouched and carefully scrambling over the stony ground, I ran towards the voice. What had 17 said? I should go back and save her?
Maybe 21 was hurt? Was she lying here somewhere?

“21!” I waited for an answer, ears perked.

“Here.” a weak voice called. To the left! I turned around, tears in my eyes and proceeded. Oh please Luna, let her survive.

“21!”

“Here.” The voice got louder. 
I stopped and whispered again. “21”.

I heard breathing. There she was! I touched the ground with my hoof. “21.”. 
There. My hoof touched something different than stone. Something furry.

“21!”

“Please, help me.”

“Are you hurt?” No answer. She was lying on her side on the ground. But. She had wings.

“21?” Still no answer. The breathing was gone, too.

Oh no! “No no no no no no no.” I pushed my head under her body and tried to pull her on my back. I cried. And was full of dread. She was so heavy.

“Come on. Don’t give up.” I said with clenched teeth.
With the aid of my wings and my forehooves I pulled her up on top of my back and tried to stand up. 

I gave way a couple of times, but with a scream I managed to stand up and immediately started walking. I didn’t want to waste time and strength. 

I climbed the hill. Breathing heavily I took step after step. I gave way a couple of more times, but fear made me go on.
Her wings chafed on the ground. I tried to keep her up on my back, steadying her with my wings.

When I finally reached the top I looked around.

Nothing. Far and wide.
Wait. There.

In the distance. Something blinked weakly. But against the pitch-black darkness it stood out like a bonfire.

I started moving towards the light. My back hurt. My headache was paralyzing. But I kept going. Little stars appeared before my eyes and I felt I was close to fatigue.
I got closer and closer. The light got bigger and bigger.

Now it wasn’t a point anymore but with every blink I saw vertical lines. And they even grew in number. As I got close enough that it was blinding me, I could perceive something. 

It was a wooden shack.

I walked around and searched for an entrance.

There. A wooden porch with a bench. Also wooden. 
I climbed the two steps and pushed against the walls. There had to be a door somewhere. I pushed and finally something yielded. 

Finally.

I took the last two steps and collapsed.

The light came from a terminal in the corner. Before my bright eyes darkness spread. I stared forward, but couldn’t see anything. Then the darkness spread inside my head, too.


****************




GoogleDocs Link


> Chapter 3: Names
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Fallout Equestria: Mindless

Chapter 3
Names


by LunaOnTheMoon


Fire. Fire everywhere. Save the princess. So much death. Ponies digging their own graves.
Pictures flew by. I was floating in a dark void. Explosions. And … a wooden shack.
Beep.

Green light.

Beep.

Drip.
Drip.
Drip.

Beep.

A repetitive rhythm. I counted. At 126 I heard something different. A rattling gasp.
I opened my eyes.

Beep.

Bright light. It was daylight. No clue what time it was, but there was light outside. Green light?
Wait. It came from somewhere else. Drip.
There was a terminal in the corner.

Drip. It was creating the light. I was lying on the ground.

Drip. What was that dripping?

I moved my head. My eyes hurt. It was hard to breathe. Beep.

That was the terminal, too.

Then. A cough. I looked beside me. There was a pony. With such ice-blue fur that you could think it was translucent.
Her mane was the exact opposite. A fiery yellow and orange alternated with one another. It reminded me of a sunset.
She had wings. A Pegasus. Like me.

The gears in my head started working. I could remember something. We weren’t in the clinic anymore. We had escaped. 17, 21 and me.

Where are they? And who was that Pegasus beside me?

I tried to stand up, but it was incredibly hard. My whole body hurt. Especially my back.

I brought her here. It came to my mind.

Slowly I walked around her and then I could see, what caused that dripping.
Blood was dripping from a wound at her head. It had already created a huge stain on the ground. Most of it was dried up, but fresh blood was mixing up.

Oh no!

I leaped next to her and picked up some kind of rag. Carefully I pushed it against the wound.
She winced and started shaking.

“Hey.” I whispered. “How are you?”

She opened her eyes, needed a moment to focus her eyes on me, but then she saw me. A small smile played around the corners 
of her mouth. She raised a leg and I saw a PipBuck attached to it.

I looked back at her. She winked.

Wait.

“Guard L?” Her eyes moved inward and she fainted.

“No, no no no.” I panicked and breathed quickly. Okay.

“What to do, what to do?” No answer. “Fuck!”

I looked around in panic. A table, a bed, an oven, cupboard, door, terminal, Guard L, blood, box. Arrgh!
Water. Where do I find water?

There. A sink. I raced across the room and tried to open the tap. Nothing. Of course.

Ehm. Water. Water. Water. I even thought about using my spit, when I looked up.

Pipes. And they went outside.
I crossed the little room, opened the door and went stepped outside.

The glare of the sunlight blinded me and… headache. How I missed it.

I stood on the porch. On my left side was a bench. It looked familiar.

Not important, 16. Water!

I looked to the right. There. A barrel. With water. I jumped down the stairs, went around the hoof rail and picked up the rusty bucket next to the barrel.
Not quite tasty, but what other option was there?

I plunged it into the water and went back to Guard L.

I soaked the rag, which I had used to try stop the bleeding and cautiously dabbed the wound.

Guard L was unconscious, because she didn’t react in any way. Not good.
I stopped and listened, trying to hear her breathing, while I held my hoof to her chest and waited for a heartbeat.

It was weak, but it was there. The PipBuck on her leg made a little clicking noise. I looked at it.

She had raised her leg. Certainly not to greet me.
I stepped closer. Another click.

“What?” I said warily.

I didn’t have a clue how to operate that thing. I got close enough to touch it and tried to press a button or to turn a wheel.

After I pushed like a thousand buttons, which that thing had, an Interface lit up.

I recognized a pony. The interface showed a cross section of a pony. The body was separated into a couple of segments and next to every one of it was a bar.
Almost every bar was completely full, except one. The one next to the head was empty and on top of it was an X.

What did that mean? She wasn't dead. I knew that. I could hear her breathing.

I pressed more buttons and turned some wheels. A message appeared.
<SATS not available. Critical Head Damage. Apply Healing Potion.>

A healing potion? Perfect! But I didn't have one?! Where should I get a healing potion?

Again I looked around. Nothing. Nothing even close to a bottle. Just stuff, batteries and dust.
Just this box attracted my attention. This sign. I had seen it once before somewhere. It was yellow.

With three pink butterflies on it.

I went over and tried to open it. No chance. It was sealed.

"Damn it."

I looked for something to break it, but nothing looked sturdy enough.

"Please, open! Shes bleeding out!" I screamed at it. *Beep*

The terminal. I jumped across the room and punched every button.
"Help! I need help! Shes dying!" I hit every button again. The terminal beeped and booped and all of a sudden I heard a hiss and a click.

I looked over. It was open. I bolted across the room and opened it.
It had some bandages, water and a syringe in it. No healing potion.

"Better than nothing." I carried the stuff back to Guard L and cleaned the wound as well as I could. Then I lifted her head carefully and bandaged it.    

I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to lift and put her on the bed, so I pulled down the mattress, put it next to Guard L and carefully rolled her on top of it. Then I covered her in one of those dirty blankets and sat down next to her.
Wearily I leaned against the wall. My body was shaking. Hopefully my medical skills were good enough and she recovered quickly. I closed my eyes.

When I came around I could hear voices. I opened my eyes and expected to see 21 or 17. But... nope. Nothing. I looked around and tried to find the source. They came from somewhere inside. Everything looked the same.

Guard L laid in front of me. She had turned around and was laying on her side. I took it as a good sign.
I turned my head around and tried to determine the direction of the sounds. The source was in front of me but there was no one here except the two of us.

I got up and and went closer. It looked like the voices came out of the PipBuck. Kinda sounded like a radio. But they were so much clearer. You could think they were inside this room. I listened precisely. It was a cry for help.

"If someone can hear this, we need help! The world has ended." a glum voice said. I think it was a male. "The empire is destroyed. The princess is dead. We didn't make it in time. We found shelter in a little wooden shack north of the East Meadow Crater. Please help us!"

Then it repeated Itself.

He was talking about a shack. DId he mean this shack? Which we were in right now? North of the East Meadow Crater? I hadnt heard this name ever, but what I knew is, that it was a crater.

I tried to turn off the radio from the PipBuck on Guard L's leg. After a couple of seconds I found the function. The interface switched back to the model of the pony. The bar next to it's head was filling slowly and the X was gone.

Thank Luna. I could feel the tension relieving. I could breathe freely and calmed down.
Even my head felt better. I could think clearly. There was just this little sting in my stomach. I looked down. I couldn't remember getting hurt or anything. At least not in this area.

Then I felt a sudden relief and the pain was gone. But with it my stomach made a loud rumbling. Hunger.
Since yesterday evening I hadn't eaten anything. I felt a little nauseous. If you were used to three meals a day, you clearly felt it, if you missed one. My stomach was pretty mad at me.

What time was it anyway? I went outside, after I assured myself, that Guard L was alright, according to the circumstances. It was still bright outside. But not for much longer.

I could see thunderclouds building in the distance. I drank some water from the barrel, which tasted horribly. I would've liked to see what the hospital looked like, but I really didn't want to leave Guard L alone. To even being able to look at it, I had to climb the hills again. So I turned around and sat down on the wooden bench.

I looked around and enjoyed having nothing on my mind for a change. No pain. No wrong thoughts. No chaos.
A far and wide land extended before me. It was pretty flat, which made it possible to see far into the distance. But there wasn't anything to see. Just rocks, sand and stones. Far and wide.

Where could 21 and 17 be? And how did they escape from the facility. Who had attacked it anyway? I could remember fire. But the more I tried to dive into my deeper memories, the flightier they got. Furthermore it was painful. I felt fear. And agony.
A princess. Dead ponies... and zebras.

Which princess did they mean? I kept on searching through my memories but my headache threatened to return so I stopped and was satisfied with what I knew.

I had to find 21 and 17. Or should I wait here until they found me?
Tough choice. But I wouldn't get far with Guard L. She was hurt and still weak.

Rumbling. Hunger. I went back inside and looked around. There had to be food somewhere. Well, it was possible, that since the last time someone was here, much time had passed.
I searched nonetheless. Except for a flashlight I couldn't find anything useful. I even had batteries. But empty ones.
Hm. I put them on the table and sat down next to Guard L.  She was breathing calmly and evenly.

I hadn't seen her without the armor. Every guard in the facility wore it, which covered every inch of their body. It was safer that way. You never knew, what patients did in their craze and they could bite you everywhere.
I laid down next to Guard L and put my head on her neck, just like 21 did to me every time I was hurt or scared. We stayed like that for a while. I liked the quiet.

"Hey." It was just a quiet whisper, but I had felt Guard L moving.

I rose and went around her to see her face.
Her eyes were open and she watched me. She looked weak.

"Hey." I answered quietly back. "How do you feel?"

"Thirsty." That was a clear answer. With my wings I grabbed the water bottle, which I had found in the Medic Box and helped her drink.

When she was finished, she looked at me again.

"What happened?" she asked. I looked at the ground.

"I thought you could tell me. I can barely remember anything." I looked back at her. She looked into my eyes.

"We were attacked. At the dead of night." she whispered. "They were so many. It happened so quickly. As soon as the patients were in bed, we got the call. There were raiders outside. I went to the armory, and I could already hear screaming. Shots were fired. Right before I reached my destination, my father came running and told me it was too late."

Her father?

"He ordered me to remove my armor and escape. Then... he was shot." Her eyes watered.

With a broken voice she kept on telling what happened. "I ran over to his body, but they were everywhere. Then... I can't quite remember. Something hit my head. I collapsed. couldn't move and everything got black. When I regained consciousness I saw... you."

Me?

"I saw you. You talked to someone. And then you walked away. I was lying on the ground and couldn't think clearly. I crawled over to my father, but he didn't move. Then I called out for you. There was fire everywhere."

She closed her eyes.

"I picked myself up and tried to follow you outside. I heard you talking but I couldn't walk straight. My body felt so heavy and I was weak."

She opened her eyes again.

"Then I saw you standing at the top of the hill. You didn't move. I thought I could make it, but my body couldn't. I tried to call, but you didn't hear me. I picked up some stones with my wing and threw them at you. You came over. And now were here."
She stared straight ahead for a moment. Then she closed her eyes again and I could see tears running down her face. She was shaking.

I went over and sat down next to her. With a wing I stroked her mane, while she indulged in her sorrow.

After a couple of minutes she looked at me again.

"Im so sorry." I said.

She closed her eyes again and buried her face in the dirty mattress. I didn't know what to do. Should I comfort her or give her some space.
But I didn't have to think about it. She grabbed my wing and hugged it tightly. It was uncomfortable, so I laid down and pulled her into an embrace.

We were laying there like this while she was crying into my mane. I felt bad for her, but my head was too confused to think straight.


****************


Sometime at night she fell asleep, exhausted from her mourning. I could get some hours of sleep as well. I felt uncomfortable sleeping in this situation, but I couldn't help it. I really needed that.

The next morning Guard L was able to stand up and I told her what happened to me that night of our escape. But she wasn't able to make head or tail of it either.

Now we sat there and looked around. My gaze kept returning to Guard L, hoping she had an idea what we should do now.

"We need food." she said, deliberating. Okay. Not what I had expected, but nevertheless pretty important. I was starving.

"I searched for food already. couldn't find anything. All I found was this flashlight and well... it doesn't work." I said and threw it in a corner of the room.

"Do we have any weapons?" she asked. I shook my head and watched her thinking. She was pretty. I noticed that. She had an elegance, which only pegasi possessed.
It seemed like every movement was well considered and always adapted to the surroundings. Not every pegasi was blessed with this grace. I was one of those expectations. My mane was unkempt and some hairs sticked out. Some of them kept falling into my face so I had to shake my head to get them back.

But most impressing were her eyes. I didn't know what it was, but I had the feeling I knew her. Every Time I looked into her eyes I felt... good and I felt relaxed.
My thought made me blush and I looked away.

"We could go back to the facility and look for food but I think i'm still too weak for that." she said guiltily. She hung her head. The wound still took a toll on her. She was barely able to stand and every effort made her body start shaking.

"Wait. If there is a flashlight, there has to be something it can be used for. I don't think they used it inside this room. There are more than enough lamps here and daylight." she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

She looked at me and a little spark lit in her eyes. "Maybe there is a basement. In former days some houses had special rooms for shelter in case of a storm or an assault." she said.

That... made sense. I didn't even want to know how she knew that. I raised and went past Guard L and outside. Hunger drove me.

"Hey, wait!" she called from inside. I went back and stuck my head through the door. She had some balance problems. She looked at me. "A little help here?"

I had to smirk. I helped her get outside and we searched for an entrance.
And indeed there was a little hatch and behind it were stairs leading down. Hmmmmmm. I started to feel a little uneasy. I looked at her.

"Sorry, but I can't make it down there, expect if you want to carry me upstairs when were finished?" she said. I pursed my lips.
"Will you stay here?" I asked. She nodded and smiled encouragingly.

"Well then." I said and took a deep breath.

Down into the creepy hole. I cursed the flashlight for not working. The air was sticky and dusty. But it was enjoyably cool.
There wasn't much down here. There were metal shelves on every wall, which were covered with... stuff. I tried to find something edible but I guessed that everything which was or had been, had crumbled into dust long ago. Exactly the dust which I was breathing right now.

I made a grimace. Gross. And coughed.

I kept searching. Then I saw something. It made me shriek.

I hunkered down and crawled backwards towards the light coming from the entrance.

"Whats going on? What is there?" Guard L called down. But I couldn't answer. Two skeletons were laying across the room in a corner.

They were looking at me. Their eyes were glowing.

One of it started to raise and came towards me. It came closer and closer. And closer. I closed my eyes and started shaking.
Time went by but nothing happened. I opened one eye and looked into the corner. Both skeletons laid there and didn't move.
"16!" I heard Guard L calling. I looked up. She looked down at me. "Everything alright?"

I nodded and stood up. I grabbed something from the shelves and threw it at the skeletons. It hit them and one of them fell aside. I released my hold breath and calmed down a bit.

"It's okay, 16. It was nothing." I said to myself. Then I moved slowly towards the corner across the room and looked closer. Nothing useful. Just empty tin cans and more crappy stuff, which you could use to repair a stove, I guess.

In the corner next to the skeletons I found something useful, for a change. Numerous tin cans and... a rifle. I grabbed the tin cans and sorted the closed and opened ones. Then I grabbed the closed ones and threw them upstairs, after I had warned Guard L. I smirked when I had to imagine what it looked like watching tin cans flying out of the basement hatch.

I slung the rifle around my shoulder and climbed back upstairs. It felt good to be out of the basement.

Guard L waited for me next to the entrance and viewed the spectacle. I smiled.

"What happened? You screamed." she said when I reached the top.

"Just my imagination. Everythings fine." She looked at me doubtfully, but she accepted it.

"Well then, lets get this stuff inside." she said. Then she saw the rifle hanging around my back. "You know how to use this?" I looked behind me, at my back and the rifle.

"The pointy end forward and then pull the trigger?" I said looking at her uncertainly.

She laughed. "Well, it's not that easy. Hmmm. Okay, you can keep it. But be careful. I am indeed better trained but right now I am to weak." She thought about something. "Oh, you know, take my PipBuck as long as you have the rifle. It has a function, called SATS. You can't miss with that."

SATS? Severely accurate t-something shooting?

"Nevertheless, please use it for emergencies only." she said. I looked at her for a brief moment then nodded.

"Sure. Lets go inside and see what's in those tin cans." I said and smiled. I was starving.

We took the tin cans inside. It was hot outside and both of us were exhausted. But now we had food. The cans were full of different foodstuffs.

Most of them were filled with kinds of fruits and vegetables. But some of them contained stuff, which scent made me gag. I wrinkled my nose when I nosed something, that smelled like... well. I dunno. It smelled disgusting.

Guard L laughed. She had observed me. "Never eaten any meat, huh?"

Meat? I had enough. I shoved the can aside.

"Hey. If you want to survive outside, you have to adapt." she said over a mouth full of food.

"How do you know all this?" I asked her. Chewing pensively she looked at me. She swallowed and started talking.

"I was a scavenger once. That means I wandered around, searching for the most different things you can imagine and selling them. 

My father taught me. He taught me how to survive the Wasteland."

"Was he a scavenger, too?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, well in the old days. When he got older he concentrated on other things. He collected books about medicine and studied them. And somehow he had a new hobby."

"So your father was one of the doctors?" I asked and was so stunned that I stopped chewing on some pears.

"Yes." she answered and nodded. She looked absentminded. She was lost in deep thoughts.

I didn't interrupt her.

After a while she looked at me again. "My father was doctor Hippocampus." she said and looked at me warily.

My mouth fell open. Suddenly I felt bad. Very bad. I felt my spine tingling and my cheeks filled with fire. I looked down guiltily. "Im so sorry." I said quietly. I couldn't look into her eyes. "He was always really nice to me. Almost like a father."

"It's not your fault." she said. Now she looked at the ground. She was crying quietly. I cautiously went over to her and covered her with my wing.

"I'm so very sorry, Guard L." I whispered.

"Lightning." she said. I looked at her. "My name is Lightning." She looked up into my eyes and I nodded.

"16." I answered.

Now she shook her head. "Vex." she said.

I looked baffled.

"Your name is Vex." she repeated.

Now I stared at her. Stunned. My name. "I read your file." she said quietly. I could feel that now she felt guilty. She looked down again. It was weird. The name sounded weird. But it felt right.

"Im sorry." she said.

I stood up and went towards the door. When I reached Lightning I stopped for a moment and kissed her forehead. Then I went outside.

I needed some air.


****************


For a long time I sat outside and reflected. Everything was so different. I felt so different. It felt like a new life. Well... it was a whole new life. Everything had changed. I was on my own. I had to worry about finding food, a place to sleep, survive.

But didn't I have to do all that before I was in the facility. How did I survive then? Did I have a job? Maybe I was a scavenger? Someone had to knew me. Family? Maybe. It sounded odd. But it felt good. I hoped there was someone, maybe waiting for me to return. Someone who could tell me who I was.

My life had a meaning again. Not that I didn't want to find out what was going on in my head, but it had felt like a dead-end. I had the same chances to discover, what had happened to me out here. And if I had to go crazy at least it should happen outside. While I was doing something meaningful. Or at least meant to do something meaningful.

I watched the sand getting moved around by the wind. Everything was so quiet out here. I enjoyed it, but I could hear my head starting up again.

I went back inside. Lightning laid on the mattress and pressed some buttons on the PipBuck. I remembered that she wanted to give it to me. But I didn't bother. She knew how to handle it. I didn't.

She looked up. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes."

She still looked guiltily. I knew why, but I didn't saw any reason why. It didn't bother me, that she had read my file. Maybe she could even tell me something about myself.

"How about you?" I asked.

"Im fine."

"What about your head?"

"Much better, thank you." She smiled.

"Thats great. Hey, listen, I have some questions for you." She waited patiently. "You said you had read my file." She nodded and 
waited for my reaction.

"Im not mad. Why should I? Maybe it's good that you did. I want you to tell me what was in it."

"Of course. Let me think." She looked up and scratched her chin. "It was pretty normal." she said slowly. "Medication, symptoms, 
anomalies, ehm..."

"Something about my family, origin, history, names, anything?"

She deliberated. I felt my body tensing.

"No, im sorry. At least I can't remember. Something like that doesn't belong in such a file anyway." I waited and looked at her 
anxiously. But that was it. She smiled at me apologetically.

Disappointment spread inside me. The only possibility to learn something about my life and nothing.

"Saying that, wait, one name kept reappearing. I always wondered, why. It was something with an H... eeehm. Damn it. Im really 
sorry, but I can't remember. I think the hit on my head did some serious damage." she said and scratched the place where she got 
hit.

"I understand that. You know, brain damage and stuff. You will remember it sometime." I smiled at her encouragingly. She smiled 
back.

"Okay then. Since you know so much about me, even more than me, I think It's just fair, if you'd tell me something about you." I 
said nervously.

She looked at me baffled and a surprised smile graced her face. "Ehm. Okaaay. What do you want to know?

I went over to the chair next to the table, pulled it around and sat down. "I dont know. Where you come from. Who you are. What 
you did, before you started to work in the facility. Something like that."

"Okay, where should I start?" she asked rhetorically and scratched her head with a wing. "Well you know my father already. My 
mother was a pegasus from Sunset Valley. He convinced her to accompany her, but she returned home later. We travelled with a 
caravan back then. My father found and sold stuff to the merchants and my mother was a mercenary protecting the caravan. She 
knew how to fight. When the caravan stopped at Sunset Valley, he met her and they fell in love. So she joined them and protected 
everyone and everything." she told me.

I noticed that it wasn't easy to talk about this for her. I thought about stopping her, but she kept on telling the story.

"From her I learned many things. But one day she had enough. She wanted to go back. But my father wasn't ready to settle down. 
So she left. It was a tough time." She looked down at her hooves and picked on the mattress.

"I didn't like any of the decisions. My father being too stubborn and my mother being ready to just leave us. So I went my own way. 
My father taught me how to survive and my mother how to fight. I was alone now." she said and looked sadly at me.

"A while I lived like my father, as a scavenger. On my way I came across many little settlements and learned about the advantages 
of being a guard. I stayed in rather big city, not very far from here, Starshine. It was a good life. I had a home. Friends. It was safe. 
And peaceful. Then I heard of this facility here and somehow I knew my father was here. So I quit my job and left my home and 
friends to come here."

"When did you leave?" I asked.

"Not long ago. Maybe 9 months."

"So I have been there longer than you." I said and smiled.

"Yes, you were. And you can't remember anything from before your time in the facility?"

"No."

"Thats rough."

"Tell me."

"Im sorry. It's just... I can't imagine it." I looked down. "What are you going to do now?" she asked me.

"I dont know. Im asking myself this question every day. We wanted to escape. We succeeded apparently. But we never talked 
about what then. Additionally I thought we would be together."

"We?"

"Yes. 21, 17 and me. We talked about escaping the night before the assault, because... well. There were some problems with... 
me. The night came and well, you what happened."

She looked at me funny. Then nodded.

"What do you think? Where could they be? Are there any locations in the closer proximity, where one could hide?"

"Well, you have seen this environment. There is nothing here except sand, stones and rocks. I believe the first safe location would 
be Starshine. Other than that there are no fortified settlements here. Maybe theres one or two caves, where you could hide. But if 
you want to survive you either have to know how to survive or hunt or you have to work. As a former scavenger I can tell you, there 
aren't many places here, where you can find food, like we did here."

I felt stings in my heart. It felt like icy hooves pressed against it. This could mean, they didn't make it. My eyes teared. Rage 
started to swell in me. Rage because of despair. I went outside without saying a word or looking at her. I walked away a couple of 
steps. Then I stopped.

I looked around, there had to be something somewhere. Just a little sign that they were alive. Nothing. Far and wide. Just rocks 
and sand.

I breathed very quickly. My head spun around. Desperation overcame me.

I hit a rock laying in front of me in the sand with my hoof. I hit it again and again until my hoof hurt as much as my heart.

I sobbed and tears fell to the ground. Despair festered in me. It wasn't fair. It should be me.

"Celestia, Luna. Please. No!" I cried out into the sky.

I was standing on three legs and hung my head. I was breathing heavily.

I could hear scrunches in the sand behind me. Lightning stood beside me and looked at me gloomily. She raised a hoof and 
opened her mouth, but she stopped before she said anything and came over to me. She pulled me into an embrace and hugged 
me tightly. Then she closed her wings around me.

We sat there for a while like this. It alleviated my pain tremendously.

"Dont lose hope, Vex. Im sure your friends are alive. We will find them." she said gently.

I looked up into her face. "Thank you."

She held me a little longer. Then she let go of me and we went back. I was limping. But the pain helped me to bear the pain in my 
heart.

When we arrived in the shack, Lightning bandaged my hoof with the leftover bandages, which I had found in the MedicBox. The 
pain ceased immediately and I felt the healing effect.

"You know it's not very reasonable to hurt yourself. Out here this could mean your death."

I looked down. I knew that of course. But I couldn't undo it.

"It's okay. I can't tell you where your friends are. But I could help you search them." This made me look up and smile at her.

"This means you will come with me?" Hope sparked in me.

"Of course. I can't let you go all by yourself. No memories and no experience. You wouldn't survive long." She winked at me.

"Oooooh, thank you thank you thank you." I jumped over to her and kissed her. I pulled back and when I realised what I just did, I 
blushed like never before.

"Ehm." I looked at Lightning. She looked like she was petrified, her eyes wide open, looking at the place, where she had bandaged 
my hoof. Her hoof still in the position like holding my hoof. "Sorry. That was too much."

She harrumphed. "Ehm. Yes. No. I mean, no problem. This was... ehm." She looked at me and blushed. She averted her gaze 
quickly. "We should... ehm... prepare for... it's a long way to Starshine.

I tried to divert from the kiss. "Starshine? You think we will find 21 and 17 there?"

She shook her head, like she didn't understand something and tried to bring order to her thoughts.

"Ehm. Yes I think so. But we should go back to the facility beforehand." She looked confused.

"Okay."

She rubbed her temples with a wing. "Im sorry, I need some fresh air." She looked back for a brief moment. She was almost 
dumbfounded.

"Of course."

She went outside. I almost couldn't hold my laughter.



****************



When she came back inside she looked better. But apparently she had decided not to speak about it. Instead she offered to 
explain how to use the PipBuck and It's functions.

The ordinary PipBuck had so many function, that my head started buzzing. You could even measure the radiation. In the 
surrounding and even in your body. It organized and labeled everything you carried and even matched it a value. How this was 
possible I couldn't explain. I couldn't imagine that tin cans had any value. Pretty useful however was the medical tools. It could tell 
you many stuff about your body.

Oh. And SATS. Yet my favorite tool. Not, that shooting something would be fun, but slowing down time in an extent that you could 
say it stopped was awesome. This was an incredible feature. Either it had to accelerate your brain activity so much, that you would 
say it stopped or it really could alter the laws of physics.

But the last one, that I learned, was by far the most incredible.

It could tell you, if monster or pony, was hostile or friendly. I had absolutely no idea how it did that. Anyway I didn't really trust that 
thing so I let Lightning keep it. I also gave the rifle to her.

Since I didn't have any experience or training with weapons, I didn't trust myself carrying it. Even with SATS. Even though she 
didn't say, I thought, Lightning didn't really trust me. I could relate, since I had this... condition.

In the end I had to put up with carrying our supplies and every other useful stuff. I was our mule so to say. No offense.

I looked at her bugged, while she slung the rifle around and put on the filthy blanket like a cloak.

She saw my look. "Dont look at me like that. If I have to defend us, I have to be agile."

"Why don't you put me on a leash and walk me?"

"Not a bad idea, I even have one here." And indeed. She turned around and pulled out a rope.

"How? Wait, what...? Where...?" She smiled.

"I found it downstairs. Trust me. You always need a rope." She waited for my reaction. "So?"

I threw an empty tin can at her.

"Ow. Okay, okay." she said laughing. "Lets go."

She went outside. I still gave her a look, but she didn't notice. Then I followed her.

When I got outside awhirl sand blinded me. It was windy. But warm.

I looked around, while rubbing my eyes, but couldn't spot Lightning.

"Lightning?" I called out.

"Yes?" it sounded above me. I looked up. She was hovering in the air and looked at me.

"What? ... Are you coming?"

"Ehm, sure." I completely forgot. I used my wings everyday, but I haven't been flying since I can remember.

We weren't allowed to go outside. And inside the facility wasn't enough space. I beat my wings and slowly raised. A bit awkwardly, 
but it worked pretty well.  Even after two years of a no fly break.

"A little out of practice, right?" I stuck out my tongue at her and started flying. Towards the facility. She overtook me easily, but I 
stubbornly kept on flying.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw her flying backwards. She looked at me with a crooked grin. I didn't deign to look at her.

Then something happened. There was a flash of light. I saw hundreds of pegasi with helmets and armor in front of me. We were 
flying in staggered rows. A really, really tall tower reached to the sky before us. Thunderclouds consolidated around the tip of it and 
you could see explosions at the ground, whose reverberation reached up after a second.

As fast as it appeared, it stopped. "Vex. Vex. 16. 16! WATCH OUT!" Lightning called getting louder.

I looked at her. "Look forward!"

Wouw. I dodged to the right and went into a spin, but was able to rally. Lightning flew over.

"What was that?" she asked.

"I dont know, it felt like a memory. It felt familiar."

"What did you see?"

"Soldiers. Explosions. And a tower." I said thoughtful.

I gazed into the distance. This tower reminded me of something. The material, which it was built with, was familiar.

"You okay?" she asked. That pulled me out of my daydream.

"Im okay. Lets go on."

So we flew on. I was able to see the facility from here.


****************

> Chapter 4: Friends
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Fallout Equestria: Mindless

Chapter 4
Friends


by LunaOnTheMoon


After flying for a couple minutes we finally reached the facility. Everything was different. I couldn’t remember, what it looked like before we 
escaped that night. And in that night I only saw fire.

Now I was able to see the whole damage the fire had done. The walls were black and many of them had bullet holes. The windows were 
shattered and there were big holes in the walls. One part of the whole facility had crumbled.

The corrosive impact of fire was mesmerizing.

I was so exhausted from the flight that I collapsed, after we landed. My head was spinning and I got nauseous. I rolled over on my side to 
counter the dizziness.

Lightning landed next to me and looked at me.

"Looks like you haven’t recovered completely."

I groaned. It was a nasty feeling.

Lightning walked around and examined the facility from different angles. I moved my head on the ground to keep her in my sight.

After a while I was able to sit up. Lightning flew over and put down the rifle.

"Here, we can switch. I think I miscalculated a bit. You take the rifle, I take the other stuff. The rifle is much lighter. It’s too dangerous. We 
have to be able to move quickly if anything happens."

"I can make it. Don’t worry." I answered.

She looked at me with her head cocked, took the bags from my back and slung the rifle around it. I blushed hard, when she came close to 
me. I have never felt pretty confident amidst strangers. It was awkward, that I felt so comfortable being around her. I coughed and looked at 
the ground shyly.

What was going on? I didn’t even know her that well. And since when did I liked mares?

She didn’t notice. Then she took her PipBuck and put it around my leg. I looked at her face, while she was working on my right leg. The 
synergy of the colors of her coat and her mane were stunningly beautiful. And her face. Her eyes. The way her mane was styled.

I almost fainted. Everything went dark. I swayed and threatened to fall over. But Lightning noticed and stepped forward to support me.

"Wouw. You okay? You better sit down for a minute." she said and looked at me.

Without noticing I had held my breath, while I admired her.

By Celestia, this was awkward.

"No... ehm... I mean it's alright." I said loudly and began to move. I wanted to leave before she noticed.

"Wait. I’m not done." she protested. I turned around and raised my leg so she could finish her work. This time I didn’t look at her. I looked 
down at the interface of the PipBuck, where she was fiddling with some buttons. I saw it flashing. The renowned profile of a pony appeared 
and I was reassured to note, that every bar was completely filled.

"Done?" I asked her, when she took away her hooves and put them down on the ground.

"Yep. Don’t forget, be careful with the rifle. Emergencies only. And remember SATS. If we meet anyone in here, who wants to hurt us, you 
are the one to defend us." she explained and looked sternly at me.

"Do you think there is someone here?" I asked and got an uneasy feeling. The thought of someone still being here, scared me.

"You never know. For whatever reason the raiders attacked. Maybe they’re still here. And searching for it. Supplies, slaves, weapons, 
information."

"Slaves?" I interrupted her.

"Yes.” she answered and threw me an incredulous look. "You know what slaves are, don’t you?"

"Of course I know." I said annoyed. "But I didn’t know raiders kept slaves."

"They don’t. They sell 'em to slavers. And those guys resell them to the highest bidder.

I swallowed. Well that was more than disturbing.

"Hey, don’t be scared. I'll look after you." she said encouragingly.

"Thanks." I answered quietly.

"Well then, let’s go inside." she said and got going. I followed her closely and minded the PipBuck, which showed a yellow mark in front of 
me. Hopefully there wouldn’t be another mark. Yellow or red.

We slowly walked towards the main entrance. On our way we saw much more destruction. Stones on the ground, which had crumbled 
from the walls. Doors bent in their hinges.

It was worse inside. The walls were black. There was debris everywhere. Whole furnishings and decorations got shattered. Everything 
was destroyed. Books torn apart. Chairs and tables down to their pieces.

The smell made me gag. It smelled burnt with some other scent I couldn’t identify. It reminded me of that one can with meat inside. I prepared 
for the worst.

"What are we even trying to do here?" I asked whispering.

"I want to get into the bureau of my father. I want to know, why all this happened. Why... he had to die."

"If I look at things here, I don’t think they had any reason at all. They just destroyed stuff. And scavenged."

"Raiders would never ever raid such a facility. It’s much too risky and well defended. There are guards here, who could even defend it in 
case of an assault. There not only here to look after patients. Furthermore the attack was well planned. They hit us hard and fast, 
so that any defense was futile. We didn’t stand a chance."

"You know what I'd like to know?" I asked her, while we were wandering in the hallways and tried to make our way to Doctor 
Hippocampus's room.

"What?"

"Where are the corpses?"

She stopped and looked at me.

"You’re right." she said and came closer. I got goose bumps, like I was about to be struck by lightning. She seized my leg and stared at the 
PipBuck. She looked through many different settings, let go of my leg and deliberated.

"What now?" I asked curious.

"I’m not sure. But do you smell that?"

I answered with a gag, because I took a deep breath, to figure out what she meant.

She nodded. "Decay."

I shivered. Now I got really sick. Thinking of corpses lying around here somewhere scared me. It felt like one of my dreams.

"Take the rifle and follow me."

I winced. I popped the rifle with shaking legs and put the trigger into my mouth. It was an amazing device.

"Houw am I supposhed to walg wish thish thing in my mouf?"

"You only take it into your mouth, if you really want to shoot something. Be careful!" she hissed at me.

"Oh." I put it out of my mouth and took the rifle with a hoof. Then followed Lightning hobbling on three legs.

We crossed the canteen and arrived in the part, where I was stationed. The old hallways made me shiver. Everything was so dark. Barely 
any light penetrated the shattered windows. All the stuff laying around made it impossible for it to reach far, although it was very bright outside.

I winced again. But this time my body stayed tense. I couldn’t control it. I inadvertently clenched my teeth. It didn’t last longer than a second.

What the hell was that? I have never experienced something like this before. I had stopped and now could barely see Lightning. She 
was a couple of steps in front. I hurried to catch up.

Then we went around a corner and were in the hallway that lead straight to the door of Doctor Hippocampus's room. At the end of it, 
directly above the door was a single ceiling light. I stopped. And winced. And again my whole body tensed, but this time it went longer.

I groaned with my teeth clenched, like I would try to lift something heavy. Lightning turned her head jerkily and looked at me. Then I heard 
steps.

Lightning swooshed over with a beat of her wings and covered my mouth with one them. Shortly after, it stopped and at the end of the 
hallway a pony appeared.

He or she, I couldn’t differentiate, had its hair like spikes and was massive. I could see... her, I think, wearing some kind of armor, which 
consisted of stitched together pieces of leather. She wore several necklaces around her neck and at her side were two pistols. She was a 
Unicorn. Then she disappeared.

She went straight past the office. Lightning looked at me. I hadn’t moved, just rolled my eyeballs to the left to look at her. She took her wing 
off my mouth and put it in front of her lips to signal me to be quiet.

I nodded and we slowly sneaked forward. My whole body was shivering. That was too much. Plus those strange seizures. What if it 
happened again? I couldn’t control myself. I had to tell Lightning.

“Lightning.” I whispered as quiet as I could.

She jerked her head back and looked at me angrily.

“I don’t think I’ll…” was all I was able to say. She hit my nose with her wing. It didn’t hurt. The tip of Pegasi wings was soft. But I stopped 
speaking.

She turned around again and went on. I followed her and mobilized all my willpower to suppress the next seizure.

It seemed like forever and we didn’t get far. Every five steps Lightning waited for me, signaled me to come closer and took a look at the 
PipBuck. One green mark. No red marks. So we went on.

After what felt like an eternity we stood in front of the office. Half covered by shadows, Lightning took a few steps closer and looked 
around the corner. The she signed me with a wing to go, while she was still watching the other hallways. I slowly started to sneak 
towards the office, but she signed again to tell me to move faster.

I started to trot, very cautiously, so I didn’t make any noise, when it hit me. I winced and my whole body got tense. I tripped over my front 
legs and flew into the door of the office with a loud crash. The door swung inside crashed into the wall.

I could hear the echo of the sound resounding. Lightning jumped into the room, pushed me aside and closed the door fast, but quiet.

“Hey. Did you hear that?” I heard a deep, foreign voice calling outside of the office.

“Yes. Bucket, was that you?” another, female, voice called.

“Bucket?” she called again.

Then silence. In the distance we could hear steps, which echoed through the halls.

Lightning crouched beside me and covered my mouth with her wing. My tension held and I couldn’t move. The struggle and pain made me 
groan. Tears ran down my face.

Then we heard someone trying to open the door.



****************



I stared at the door with my eyes wide open. If it would open now, I would die, I was sure of it. Lightning moved quickly, but quietly to the 
door.

I didn’t know what she intended to do. But as she was about to reach the door, someone pushed against it from outside. But the door didn’t 
move.

“Hey, it’s stuck.” Someone said outside.

„Stop pretending.“ Someone else said.

“It won’t budge. Try it yourself.”

“Stand aside.”

BLAM. I jerked really badly. Lightning dived away from the door and placed herself defensively in front of me. I felt like I was petrified.

The raiders had shot the lock. Now the door was open.

“It still won’t work.” They pushed against the door, but it still wouldn’t open.

“Whatever. Let’s got back.” I heard steps from someone getting quieter.

“This can’t be.” Again someone pushed against the door. But still, it was jammed. Maybe I had bent it, when I had crashed into it or it had 
latched when Lightning closed the door.

Whatever it was. It didn’t matter, we were safe.

“Damn door.” I heard the others leaving.

Both of us stayed in our positions for a moment and listened for any sound that would tell us, if someone was still outside. Then again I felt 
my body tensing, like I was about to throw up, but only the tension and the pain waved through my body.

Again I groaned and couldn’t move. It was just like my mind was separated from my body. I was fine, but I lost control of it. Tears were 
streaming down my face.

Lightning turned around and looked at me horrified.

“What is that? What’s going on with you?”

I was barely able to move my eyeballs and looked at her. Then it was over. I took a couple of deep breaths. I was so exhausted, I couldn’t 
get up.

“Vex?”

“I don’t know. Some kind of seizure. My body is just tensing up.”

“Did you have that before? And why is it happening just now?” she asked confused.

“I don’t know. But it hurts.”

“Rest up, I will hurry and then we’ll get the hell out of here. It was very wrong to come here.”

“No!” I cried out. I was startled by my own volume. “No.” I said quieter. “I want to know, why they attacked. And I want to know where 21 
and 17 are. And I want to know that name in my file.”

Lightning nodded.

Heavily sweating, I rose into a sitting position and started to look around. I recognized the table and the leather chair, which belonged to Doctor Hippocampus. 
Both of them were heavily damaged. What drove raiders to destroy helpless chairs and tables? I couldn’t imagine.

Everywhere was debris and other stuff. Files, loose sheets, books and pictures from the walls. It was pretty dark in here. Lightning used 
her flashlight to search for the information we needed.

I picked up a file and read something about a Patient 42, who thought it was still wartime and attacked anybody, who was striped. Even if it 
was striped clothing.

War. Memories of thousands of soldiers, who were flying in endless rows appeared in front of my open eyes. Explosions. Shots. Death. 
The princess.

What did it all mean? Where did those memories come from? Everyone who had fought in the war had crumbled to dust long ago. What was 
wrong with my brain? I tapped my hoof against the side of my head.

“Vex. I think I found something. Here’s your file. And some notes from my father. Especially the last ones, he had written down, before...“ 
She lowered her head.

I went over and put my wing around her.

“Thanks.” she said and smiled.

“Something about 21 and 17?” I asked nervous.

Her smile disappeared. She shook her head. „I don’t think we will find anything.“

“Why?”

“Vex, 21 and 17 are… ehm…”

“Yes?”

She seemed to deliberate. I frowned. „Ehm... nothing. Hey, why don’t you look over there, I will search here, maybe well find anything after 
all.“

I hesitated. Then I walked over to the other side of the room and looked for any clue, which could tell me anything about 21 or 17.

“I can barely see. It’s so dark.”

“Look at your PipBuck. There is a tool for that.

I looked down at my leg. How should I know where this thing had a light?

“You have to hold down the big one.”

I did as she said and… indeed. A little cone of light appeared around me. I couldn’t see very far, but all the better around me. I started to 
search.

After a while I was so exhausted, that I had to lay down. My eyes closed. My body was done with this day.

“Lightning. I can’t find anything here.” I said with my eyes closed. Lightning came over.

“Me neither. I think we should go. Before the raiders come back.

“But… 21 and 17.” I thought I was already dreaming. Everything was spinning inside my head.

“Vex. Come on. You’re in no shape to do anything right now except sleep. You need to rest.”

“Okay. Can we come back tomorrow?“

“Of course.” She said and touched the back of my head.

I got up and picked up the rifle. I was about to sling it around my back, when I felt a seizure coming.

“Oh no.” I said with the trigger of the rifle in my mouth.

Lightning looked at me. “What?”

BLAM. BLAM. BLAM. BLAM. BLAM. The rifle emptied its whole magazine. The recoil made me fall backwards and I shot at the ceiling. 
Lightning dove behind the massive desk to escape the deadly bullets. I crashed to the ground and the rifle came flying out of my mouth. I hit 
my head on the ground and thus ended my seizure immediately.

I didn’t know up or down. I gagged and coughed. Breathing became hard. I was at the end of my tether.

Lightning’s head appeared behind the desk.

“What did you do?” she asked whispering.

“I… I… “ I wasn’t able to speak. My legs were shaking and my eyes got dark.

We could hear several ponies arriving. Many raiders were on their way here. This was the end. Lightning came to me and took the rifle. 
Then she stood straddle-legged in front of me, ready to defend me.

“Lightning… don’t. Hide. I… “

She turned around. Her eyes were filled with fear.

“What do you mean? I can’t just let you die like this.” She said with a shaking voice.

“Go. I… can make it. I… “

The raiders threw themselves at the door. It was incredibly loud, when they hit it. I got a thumping headache.

“No.” Lightning cried out.

Then the door went flying through the room and the raiders tumbled in. I pushed myself on my legs and with all my strength I pushed 
Lightning aside. The raiders grabbed their weapons and took aim.

Then I felt a seizure coming. But this one was stronger. My whole body tensed and I felt like something was about to break out of my chest.

Then suddenly all the tension uncharged through my heart. It felt like someone pierced my heart with an icy arrow. I saw blue sparks 
around me. Then everything went dark.



****************



Funny. Wasn’t it? I was surrounded by dead bodies. They were all standing upright and circled around me. They had the faces and bodies 
of 21 and 17. If those were actually their real names. Where could they be?

The bodies took a step backwards and those standing directly in front of me, stepped aside and revealed a path.

A golden way led up to the horizon. Around me was a blazing light. Grass so green, that my mouth watered. Odd. I didn’t even know what 
grass tasted like. I had only seen it in pictures. Pictures of long bygone days. Before the war. Every time it was „Before the war“. 
Everything had changed.

I was in a place without pain. Without memory. Everything was well. The sky was so blue, it didn’t feel right and above me was the sun, 
beautiful like never before. I went along the way, not knowing where it would lead me. But I didn’t mind. I would stay here for the rest of my 
life.

Was this death?

After a while I saw buildings. Painted with the most beautiful colors. It was peacefully. Flowers grew underneath the windows. Water 
splashed in little streams. And music in a faraway distance.

But something was missing.

Life. Other ponies. It was a ghost town. I couldn’t see anyone. I went past a humongous tree, which had a round door in its front. 
Something was drawing me there. The music was coming from in there, too.

I went closer to the door and knocked. When no one answered, I pushed against the door, opened it and stepped into the room.

Everything was other than what I had imagined. It was this throne room again. I recognized it. In that cone of light had been the princess.

If I would only know, who that princess was.

Behind the light a steep stairway led up to a massive throne. And sitting on it was a shadowy shape. A pony. Deep black and still 
translucent.

„Hello?“

„Yes.“ The shape answered with a female voice. It was beautiful.

“Yes?“ I asked confused.

„Yes.“ She repeated.

„Yes... what?“

„They‘re alive.“

„Alive?“

„Yes.“ She said again.

„21 and 17?“

Light appeared around the shadowy shape and pervaded it. Then it dissolved. And with it everything around me. Darkness.

Then I saw dots. Many dots. Everywhere around me. Other dots appeared and merged with the others. Like a gigantic puzzle. Piece after 
piece everything was combined. When it was finished, I was hovering weightlessly in Doctor Hippocampus office. I saw my body lying 
beneath me.

I could see Lightning, standing next to it and touching my forehead. I was able to move. With the power of my thought I could move my 
hovering body. Was I dead? I moved my body through Lightning. No reaction.

I looked at my real body and noticed that my chest was rising and falling. So I was still alive.

By the goddesses I looked weird. Filthy and somehow… out of shape.

I breathed in sharply and jerked awake. I looked around franticly. The room was brighter. The flashlight of Lightning beamed at the wall in 
front. The PipBuck’s light created some light around me. Lightning was lying next to me. No sign of raiders.

“What happened? Was that a dream?” I asked frantically.

Lightning groaned. „Oooowwww.“

I stood up and went to her. She was holding her head with her eyes closed. When I touched her briefly she startled up and raised quickly. 
Then she took a few steps backwards.

“What was that?” she asked me full of fear.

“What?” I answered confused.

“You… you have….” She stammered.

I looked at her wondering.

“You knocked me over. And then… you touched your chest and suddenly blue lights erupted out of it. They were like snakes. Made of light. 
And they went to the raiders. And... you killed them.“ She told me whispering.

„Killed?“ I asked horrified.

„They dissolved in front of my eyes. They seemed to be glowing inside and then the light erupted out of them. Like with you, but 
everywhere. There came more and more light. And then, they were gone. Just like that.” She said quietly.

I stared at her with my mouth open. Then I felt my stomach rumbling and its contents spilled out of my mouth.

“What was it?” she asked again.

“I have no idea.”

She looked at me unbelievingly. 

„Lightning. If I would know, what’s going on with me, why do you think I’ve been here, in this facility the whole time? This never happened to 
me before.” I said, trying to convince her. I waited for her reaction.

She looked at me for a long time.

“Please, Lightning. I can’t go on. You’re my only friend. 17 and 21 are probably dead. Please. I don’t want to be alone. Please believe me.“ I 
pleaded her.

„I believe you.“ She whispered. „But I’m afraid. What if you can’t control it?“

“I was never able to. I always got my medicine for it. That retained my seizures. But you know… they couldn’t help me anymore.” I said 
sadly. I got the feeling that I lost her as my friend.

She thought about something.

“Okay. I believe you, Vex. I don’t want to hurt you. But I think we should keep our distance for a bit.”

“I understand.” I said sadly.

“We should go.”

“Where?”

“Back to the house. We can rest up there for the night. Then we’ll make our way to Starshine. Maybe they can help us.”

“Okay.”

“Lead on.”

I turned around and went towards the exit with my head hanging. Now I had even lost my only remaining friend.



****************



What had happened? Everything drew to an end. Wasn’t it easier to just give up? 21 and 17 were gone. Lightning was afraid of me. My 
seizures were back. Right now I was fighting one. Why would I want to go on?

I clenched my teeth and then my body did on its own. It tensed up. My teeth clenched so hard like I was about to bite through metal. My 
heart felt like it was about to explode.

I had problems walking and tumbled, but was able to catch myself.

“Everything alright?” Lightning asked.

“Everything alright.” I answered quietly.

I coughed. The dry air filled my lungs. It became hard to breathe. It was just a reflex by now. My body breathed, because I couldn’t control it 
anymore. I turned my head and coughed again. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at Lightning. She was a couple of meters behind me. 
Keeping her distance. I didn’t blame her. As bad as I felt, I was scared, too. What if I lost control and hurt her. Or killed?

I saw the little wooden house in front of me. Nothing had changed. At last.

Cautiously I went down the hill. The hot air stung in my lungs. My eyes watered and it was hard to picture anything. But my hearing was still 
okay. Noises came out of the shack.

“Do you know, when she wants to return?” I heard a muffled voice.

That wasn’t possible. 21? Without hesitation I ran inside.

“Hey. Wait!” Lightning called after me.

I ran up the stairs and pushed open the door. With my mouth open I stopped.

Both of them were standing there. 21 and 17. Unchanged. They smiled at me.

I ran towards, jumped into and hugged them.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I was crying for joy. Celestia, Luna thank you. My friends were alive.

“How did you…? Where? When? What happened?“

I barraged them with questions. They were just lying there, looking at me.

“Oh… please excuse me.” I did a couple of steps backwards to let them stand up.

“Go, tell me!” I urged them.

“16, I was so scared for you.” 21 said, came to me and drew me into an embrace. She had a lump in her throat. “We searched for you all 
the time, how did you survive? So much time has passed.”

My heart jumped out of joy. The whole tension vanished. “Well. It’s a really odd story. Somehow I have escaped. I can’t explain how. It was 
like a dream. Anyway I woke up outside. And then there was Lightning. Ehm...“ I had thought about her just that moment.

„Lightning, she is, ehm... was, a guard in the facility. She treated me well.” I looked at her. She was standing in the door and looked at me 
sadly. I wondered why. But there was more important stuff now.

“Well, she followed me, but she was hurt.” I continued. “I carried her on my back all the way down here. We stayed here since. After we 
had recovered, we went back to the facility. Lightning wanted to find out, why the raiders had attacked us. But we ran into some of them, 
when we arrived and… I had a seizure. I cant remember anything.”

I got cold. „Suddenly they were all dead. At least Lightning told me that  I… have…” I looked down. “I have killed them.”

“You…killed them?” 17 asked me terrified.

“I… couldn’t control it. I don’t know what happened. It was a seizure.“ I begged him.

21 looked at 17 fiercely. “Hey, don’t be like that. They wanted to kill her. She’s alive and that’s all I want to know.” She said.

Then she embraced me and stroked my mane. It was very comforting. Everything seemed to be far in the distance. Exhaustion 
overwhelmed me.

“21, 17. What happened to you? Where have you been the whole time?“

“We have never been gone, Vex.” 21 said and kissed my forehead. Then I fell asleep.



****************



I woke up. My body was jittery. Too many emotions. The exhaustion and pain additionally. I couldn’t blame it for the need to rest. But now I 
felt joy.

Everything was alright again. We were together. Now we could start to live.

They had put me on the mattress from which I raised. The room was empty. Apparently they went outside.

I stepped outside. It got dark in the meantime. How long had I been asleep?

“21? 17?” I called out in the dark.

“Vex?” someone called back. It was Lightning. I went towards the direction from which I thought the voice came. Lightning was sitting on a 
little rock and looked at me.

“Where are the others?” she asked me.

“Why do you ask me? I have slept until now.”

She just looked at me.

“What?” I asked confused.

“We should go.”

„Now?“

„Yes. It’s cool at night. And were harder to spot.” She explained.

“Arent there monster at night?” I asked amused.

She looked at me like I had lost my mind. „There are no monsters here or anything that could hurt us. Except raiders or slavers. Briefly, other 
ponies.”

“Okay. Should I get our stuff?“

“I got it all here already.” She said and showed the rifle to me.

“Then I’ll get the others.”

She hesitated. Then she answered. „Hurry.“

I turned around immediately and looked for them. Where had they gone again? We had just found us a few hours ago. And now they were 
gone again. Or hiding somewhere.

“21? 17?“ I shouted.

„Over here.“ It sounded on the other side of the house. I went there.

„What are you doing here?“ I asked them. „We have to go. We want to leave this place. We’re heading towards Starshine. That’s a big city, 
not very far from here.”

“Oh. Okay. Let’s go then.“ 21 answered.

The three of us went around the house towards Lightning.

“What were you doing back there?”

“Talking.” 17 answered.

“About what?”

“You. And Lightning. And what we should do now?“ 21 said.

“And?”

“Well. We dont know really. We have just found you. We looked for you everywhere.“

“Well now were together.” I said laughing.

“Yes. But what now? We don’t know this place.”

“Lightning does. She knows this place. She wants to take us to Starshine. We can see about it there.”

“Vex. Ehm... we have to talk to you.“ 21 said and stood in front of me. We were just a couple of steps away from Lightning.

She lowered her voice. “We don’t trust her.”

“Why?”

“She was a guard in the facility. And we don’t know her? Why does she want to help us?”

“I trust her. She has saved me and taught me stuff. We helped each other. She treated me good. Even back in the facility.“

„Did you know her before… you know, all this?”

“Well. The day before the attack, we… met each other.”

“And before that?”

17 followed our conversation patiently.

“Before that… I don’t know. The guards were always wearing armor. I don’t know, I couldn’t determine if it was her or not.”

“You trust her?”

“Of course.”

“Have you ever thought about, that maybe she has something to do with it?”

“I don’t think so. She’s the daughter of Doctor Hippocampus. The raiders almost killed her, when they attacked. And when we were there 
yesterday, she defended me.”

“And you’re sure about that? Maybe she’s lying.”

“Why should she?”

“I don’t know. It all sounds a little suspicious to me. She’s the daughter of Doctor Hippocampus. Is there any proof for that? The raiders 
almost killed her. Maybe they planned every single bit. You saved her and since then you two were together. You went back into the facility. 
What was your business there?”

„Lightning wanted to find the last records her father made and our files. Yours, 17’s and mine. But only because I wanted her to look for it.”

“Maybe she’s working with the raiders.”

Now I was getting upset. I responded fiercely. “She cried. She broke down, when she told me about her father’s death. She saved me from 
the raiders. We are friends.”

“That doesn't look like it. She didn’t even look for you back in the house. She’s keeping her distance, and she doesn’t even want to talk to us.”

I had to swallow. “She's afraid of me.” I said quietly. „Because I killed the raiders.“

„Exactly.“ I looked at her quizzically. „You’re not as helpless as she thought.“

“21. Stop it, immediately. She gave me her PipBuck and her rifle. Why are you behaving like this?”

“We're just trying to protect you.”

17 nodded.

“You, too, 17?” He looked at me sternly. I couldn't believe that both of them were against me. And her.

“Fine.” I said angrily. Then I started to walk. Past Lightning.

“Everything alright?” she asked me. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” I answered shortly. What had happened? Somehow I had imagined it all different. Why were 21 and 17 behaving like 
this? I trusted Lightning. She never gave me any cause not to.

And still it created doubt in me.

Maybe all this was a gigantic ruse. But why? Why should anyone go through all this just to…whatever?

I stopped and turned around. Lightning followed me with some distance. She stopped and watched me. 21 and 17 were following 
Lightning with a little distance, too.

We were an awesome group. The joy, I had felt about our reunion, faded away slowly. In exchange I started to feel the beginning of a 
seizure. Again.



****************

> Chapter 5: Trust
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Fallout Equestria: Mindless

Chapter 5
Trust


by LunaOnTheMoon

We walked through the mere endless steppe. There was sand everywhere and a couple of small, stone hills. I wondered the whole time how such formations could develop. The sun was beating down on my hide and I was thirsty.

But I didn’t want to turn around.

I was still angry at 17 and 21. Angry, that they made me doubt Lightning. But I didn’t want to talk to Lightning either. As much as I hated myself for it, they had a point. It was odd. Why did she help me?

I had saved her. Two times already. She had cared for me. More than two times already. Why should I have doubts about her? She was as nice and caring as 21 and as strong and determined as 17.
They should’ve taken her in with open arms.

But something was even more odd. 17 and 21 acted weird. Somehow hostile. Our meeting had felt so cold. Maybe they thought I abandoned them. Or that I would rather stay with Lightning now.

Why couldn’t we be friends? 

I hated to be the middle-mare. Mediating ponies. I liked it more if others told me what to do. Suddenly it was me going in front and tending to everything.

Okay, maybe that was a bit excessive. Calm down, Vex. Your thoughts are running wild again. But it still felt wrong.

Slowly my throat was becoming dry and I had to clear it ever so often. I felt all six eyes on me, but my pride demanded to go on with my head raised.

I felt my tension. Every moment now someone would say something. Tell me to drink something or I would become weak again. But nothing happened. I couldn’t bear it anymore and turned around.

“No.” I shouted. “I don’t want that. You will get to know each other and become friends. And then we will all walk to Starshine together and live a quiet life.” I said loudly, while walking towards Lightning.

I poked her with my wing and pointed at 21 and 17. “Go on, talk to them and introduce yourself. Then you will talk about yourself and become friends. Chop chop.”

Lightning stared at me with wide open eyes. Then she looked sheepishly at the ground.

“Vex, I… don’t believe, that’s a good idea.” she said quietly.

“Ooooh no. You wont get away now. I am the elected leader here, carrying the rifle. So you do as I say.”

I kicked the saddlebags from her back and nudged her a little, so she turned around and walked towards 21 and 17.

With a smug smile on my face I saw her getting closer. 21 and 17 looked at me reproachfully, but I stared back with a determined look. I was satisfied with myself.

I turned my attention towards the saddlebags, opened them and searched for something drinkable. Now, that I paid attention to it, I realized how thirsty I was. Luckily we had couple cans with some water.

Lightning had explained, that not only food was stored in those cans. But most of the time, one would find water in bottles. I didn’t want to imagine what it tasted like. Vegetating in them for years. I took out on of the cans, Lightning had marked and opened it cautiously.

Every last drop was precious. But I hesitated when I looked at the content. Somehow I had expected something different.

“What the hell is that?” I asked no one particular. The water inside was white. Without looking at her, I called out to Lightning: “Hey, is this still good? The water is white?”

“That’s not water. Its coconut milk.”

Coconut milk? Never heard of it.

Well, no time to be picky. I sipped at it slowly and became prostrated. I had never tasted anything like this. Opening my eyes wide I drank half the can. It was so tasty. Most of it didn’t make it into my mouth.

When I was finished, I sat down satisfied and exhaled. Never before had I felt like this. I felt my body relaxing and would have loved to take a nap.

I looked over at Lightning, 21 and 17. They sat together, talking quietly. I couldn’t hear, what they said but I took it as a good sign. Carrying the can with my wings, I went to them.

“What you guys talkin’ about?” I asked happily, smiling.

“Oh, just this and that…” Lightning said and looked away, drawing something in the sand with her hooves.

I looked over to 21 and raised my brows. “So?”

“It’s okay. We’ll manage.” she said, looking concerned.

“Well, better than nothing.” I replied. “So can we walk together now?”

“Yes, of course. Let’s go.”

“You want to drink something? I have something left. And we cant recap the can.” I said to the others.

“I’ll take it.” Lighting said and took the can. She squinnied her eyes and gulped it down. Then she looked at me, throwing the can away.

“What?” she asked.

“What was that?” I asked her back.

“What do you mean?”

“You just… like… did you even enjoy it?”

“How could I? It tastes awful.”

“You sure?” I asked her, raising an eyebrow. I couldn’t quite believe her.

“Yes. It’s just… coconut milk. You dont really just drink it like that. They rather used it for cooking.”

“If you say so.” I said and smirked, still not believing her. “Well then let’s go.”

“First, let’s switch please. You give me the rifle and take the bags please.”

“Awwww. Really? Well, I guess you’re right. I didn’t quite do a good job back in the facility.” I said and laughed, but it quickly died. Lightning managed a smile, but it disappeared quickly, too.

“Hey, 17, could you give me a hoof here? You’re the guy here after all.” I called. 

“Can’t you take that stuff here?” I asked him, when he got closer. I was meddling with the straps, trying to load the bags onto my back. 17 came closer, looked at me… and went past me, staring into my eyes, smiling. 

I threw him my most hateful look, but he just kept smiling. “Damn you, 17. At least help me putting them on.”

But he just called: “You can use the practice!” and laughed.

I growled. But then 21 came to my aid and helped me. In exchange I cuddled my head against her neck briefly, before starting to follow 17.

“So, what you wanna talk about?” Lightning asked me, after I closed the gap.

“Well, I dont know. How about you tell us something about Starshine?”

“Alright. Well, it’s just a small settlement. As you know, I went there as a scavenger and stayed to become a guard. I made friends, a good amount of money, enough to keep me fed and had a roof over my head.”

“How many ponies live there?”

“I don’t know exactly. Maybe 30 to 40. Its rather small.”

“How many guards were you?”

“Only 5. There wasnt really anything, that could endanger us. Or even would endager us. As you can see, its pretty deserted here. Not much to fear. Except raiders and slavers. But I know where to go to avoid them, so dont be scared.”

“I’m not scared. I have you” I said and smiled at her.

She blushed. “Well, the last time it was you, who saved us.” She looked down. 

“What is it? I know, that you are scared, but I told you, I didnt do it on purpose. I dont know what happened.” I said quietly.

She stopped and looked at me.

“I know.” she said.

That relieved me and I smiled at her. She was looking at me sadly.

“What?” I asked her, wondering.

“I know… what happened.”

I felt my body tensing. “You… know? How?”

“We found your file, remember? You were so caught up in finding anything about 21 and 17, that you didn’t even ask.”

I remembered. I couldn’t even explain, why I just shrugged it off like that, but I guess that my friends were more important, than what was in my file.

“So you know what’s up with me? Can you tell me?”

“I could.” she answered cautiously.

“Will you tell me?” I asked feeling thrilled.

“I don’t know… if its the best idea… to tell you.”

I gave her a quizzical look. She seemed to struggle with herself.

“I’m not sure you want to know whats written inside.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like, there’s some stuff written inside, that could… maybe disturb you. Maybe it would be best to stay with what you know.”

“But…”

21 interrupted. “It’s her file and she has a right to know whats inside.” But 17 stepped in between, too.

“I’m not sure, 21. I think Lightning is right. Maybe it’s not that good of an idea.” He turned around, facing Lightning. “Maybe we should take a look first. We know her better than you and maybe we can decide, what would and wouldn’t harm her.”

“No, 17. I disagree. Don’t treat her like a child. She made it all by herself, since we lost each other. She can take care of herself.”

“21. No. You don’t know, what was happening inside this facility. What kind of ponies have been there. What… well. Just trust me. Okay?”

He turned around and looked at Lightning. “Can I take a look?” She nodded and pointed at me.

17 came closer, watching my face. I didnt know how to feel about this, but I trusted him.

He got to my side, looked into the saddlebags and pulled out my file. Then he went a couple of meters away from us. 21 looked at me and came to my side. She sat down and I did, too. I couldnt keep myself from watching 17’s face.

I was shaking. What in Equestria could be so… I didnt even know. Dangerous? Disturbing? Stupid? So that I shouldn’t read it?

21 nuzzled my ear and went over to 17. I guess she couldn’t keep her curiosity contained. 

Fuck this. This was my file. And everybody should know what was inside, except me? I got up, stripped out of the saddlebags and wanted to go over. But Lightning was at my side and put a hoof on my shoulder. When I looked at her, she shook her head.

I hung my head and sat down again. Still shaking. Everything was so confusing. I winced. Lightning surrounded my head with her wing and pulled me to her chest. I stared at the sand.

Why? Why me?


****************


Patient File No. 5X67O16

Doctor Hippocampus

Subject 16

Name: Vex

Race: Pegasus

Sex: female

Day 0: Patient seems unstable. Multiple fractures. Medication advised. Transferred to Sector I, Room 1B.

Day 1: Patient is unresponsive. Lost control over body. Sleep Pod advised.

Day 2: Surgery. Large dose of sedative applied. Patient unresponsive.

Day 6: Patient awake. No memories. Strange noises and dreams. Hallucinations. Outbursts. Seizures. Patient dangerous.

Day 7: Drug Overdose. My fault.

Day 10: Change of sedative. Bad response.

Day 16: Patient is suicidal. Suffers. Hallucinations increase.

Day 17: Applied Atropin. Hallucinations decrease to a minimum. Strange reaction.

Day 21: Symptoms stable. Patient reacts to isolation.

Day 30: Patient adjusts to new surroundings.

Day 42: Strange reaction to ********. Patient seems to be related to ******* ******. Patient will need continous medication or ******** will come back. Get worse maybe. Guard L to supervise her. Maybe she will…

Day 44: ---

“Thats enough now. You shouldn’t go on. Ahem.” Lightning pulled the file from me.

“Hey, no. Wait. What are you supposed to do? There was something about you in my file. Why was there something about you? And I didnt even ready anything, why I have these outbursts.” But Lightning didn’t stop. She took the file and strapped it under her coat.

“That’s not fair. I want to know. I have to.”

“Please, Vex. Later. We have things to do. And I need you to focus. I can’t be responsible if you have those seizures again and I’m scared, that it gets worse.”

“But why don’t you tell me or let me read about, why I have them in the first place?”

“I’m not sure it will help you. Maybe it will get worse if you know about it. Believe me, it’s very complicated. My father gave you drugs to contain your outbursts and now, they’re slowly coming back. We dont have that medicine to help you. And he kept the information from you, too. He had an idea, why you are like… this. And I dont know if its safe to tell you.”

That was neither helping nor very satisfying. Or even logical. I turned around and faced 21 and 17.

“21?” But she just looked at me sadly. “17? Come on. Now you’re on her side.”

“Im afraid so, 16. As stupid as it may sound. I think shes right. Hippocampus had his reasons not to tell you, I think. It must be, otherwise he would’ve told you in the first place. What did you talk about in your daily sessions?”

“I dont know. Stuff.” I was angry. “We talked about my dreams, about my seizures and memories. But in the end… he… He told me that I would lose my memories.”

“What?” Lightning asked, shocked?

“He told me, that something in my body was rejecting the medicine. So either way I would lose my memories or get more intense seizures, like yesterday. When…”

“But that means. We… we cant do anything about it? But… maybe in Starshine, someone has medicine for you. I mean, there has to be someone.”

“No!” I screamed at her. “I dont want to. I will keep my memories even those few I have. Two years. Two years worth of memory. Good ones and bad ones. I wouldnt trade it for anything. Even if those Celestia and Luna damn seizures kill me!” I screamed at the sky.

Breathing heavily I laid down. “Just leave me. You go on. There is no future for me. I’ll stay here and fulfill my promise. Go mad and die.” I laid on my back, staring at the sun.

Then someone came close and stepped above me. And then slapped my face.

“Snap out of it!” she screamed. I was so startled, I didnt know what to do, except stare at her.

“You will come with me and we will find a solution to your problem. The file said what to do, what could help you. But I never to it very seriously until I read about it myself.” Lightning told me. She extended a hoof to help me up. “You’re not going to die out here. Not if I can help it. Let’s just get to Starshine. And you will tell me, when youre having another seizure, immediately, or I’ll slap you so hard, youll never seizure on me again. Do you understand?”

“But…” I started.

“I said...

Do...

you...

… understand?”

“Y...Yes.” Somehow I felt better and worse at the same time. I didnt know how she wanted to help me with my seizures. But she had a plan, I thought. Instructions from Doctor Hippocampus.

“Repeat it.” she said in a low voice and glowered at me.

“I… I will not die and tell you when I have another seizure, immediately.”

“Or?”

“You’ll slap me so hard, I’ll never seizure on you again.”

“Good. Now get movin’.”

I didnt know what to feel about that. As confusing as it was, I felt a bit reassured. She would watch out for me. But still. What if it didnt help. What if I killed her with another seizure?
21 came close and walked next to me. “Don’t worry. Im starting to think she know’s what she is doing. Maybe we dont have to go mad after all.” she said and winked at me.

Yeah, maybe.


****************


The last entry in my file, that I read, said day 42. I’ve been in the facility for two years, the doctor said. How could he know, what affected me and still don’t tell me, even after such a long time.

I was worrying so much about it, I started to feel sick. Stop thinking. Now you focus on the task at hand. Whatever that was.

“What are we going to do in Starshine?” I asked Lightning.

“First, we’ll have to find a place to sleep, something to eat and drink and weapons. Then… we will see. Maybe I can get my old job back as a guard. And you… you will have to work, too.”

“What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how work as guard. Or anything. I never worked in my life. I just… I dunno, I was a patient. For all I can remember.”

“Well, I would come to think, that you had a life before your time at the facility. You must be good at something to earn some caps. Don’t worry. We’ll find something. Maybe you can clean or cook. Repair stuff. Barter. Salvage, scavenge or… some kinky stuff maybe?”

“You… no. What? You get food and stuff for… that?”

“Mainly bottlecaps, yeah. There many ponies doing that. You get used to it.”

“Oh, my.”

I looked over at 21 and 17. They didn’t seem surprised.

Have I been? No. I would never do such a thing. For… caps?

“What do you mean by caps?” I asked Lighting.

“Bottlecaps. Its the currency everyone uses in the Wasteland.”

“Like for real?”

“Very.” she answered and laughed.

“You clearly dont know anything about it.”
“Yes, very funny, thank you very much. It’s not like I’ve forgotten everything apart from the last two years.”

“Oh come one, Vex, lighten up. Im just trying to take your mind of everything.”

“Yes, yes. You do that and Im gonna go sleep with ponies for caps.”

“Dont mind if you do.”

“Fuck y…”

“Say what now?”

“Sorry.” I said quietly.

“Why? You’re no filly no more. You can swear all you want. Dont bother.”

“Fuck. Shit. Cock.” I said rueful.

“Thats it? Thats all you got? Come on. You have better than this.”

“But… I dont want to hurt anybody. Why would I say such things?”

“I dont know. You feel better after you do. Believe me. You will be surprised.”

I shrugged. I couldnt really believe her. Normally I would never say such things. Why would I? She was just so…

“Now would you please be so kind and tell me what I can do to help? To earn some caps?”

“I already told you.”

“But I dont want to cook or clean. I cant cook and… I dont like to clean. And that other stuff. I have never done anything but sleep, eat, talk and suffer from seizures, migraines and panic. Not to mention anxiety. Or fear. Despair or rage. Choose one.”

“Yeah, yeah. Could you stop whining for a second and lighten up already? It really starts to make me suicidal. But… you have a point. Well, maybe I could teach you a thing or two. Then you could become a guard or maybe even a professional scavenger and we could go on a tour together.”

“That does sound better. But Im not sure if I can handle a weapon. You saw how I managed.”

“Well you still have my PipBuck. You can use S.A.T.S. remember? Than will suffice for the moment. And I dont even think you will have to use it anyway. The last time I shot something… puh… I dont even remember it.”

I was thinking about the attack on the facility. Did she shoot someone? She never mentioned it. But I didnt feel like asking.

“What about 17 and 21? What can they do?”

“Well, I guess we’ll have to find something for them, too. Dont worry. There’s always a way.”

That didnt sound very confident. But she knew her way around and I didnt. So who was I to judge?

“We’re here.” Lightning said and breathed out deeply. “We made it.”

I stepped closer and my eyes fell on a little circular settlement with a couple of houses and a big tower in their midst. The tower was three times as big as any house. It was four-sided and narrow tapering, which ended in a pyramid-like shape at the top. It cast a shadow on one of the buildings.

Somehow I had imagined something different. Like a huge city with millions of ponies. This was just a couple of walls taped together with glue.

“That… is it? Starshine?” I asked doubtingly.

„Yes. What did you expect? A huge city with millions of ponies?” Lightning countered.

“Well, if you put it that way. … Yes.” I answered.

“Don’t you listen? I already told you, there’s maybe about 30 to 40 ponies there.”

“Oh. Okay, well. Let’s get down then.”

“Okay, but first. Maybe I should tell you something about living in such a place.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ehm. Let me think? Ponies around these parts are a bit… strange, to put it lightly. They don’t… know how to behave. They… oh come one. I don’t know how to explain. Just… don’t except anything from them. Some of them are nice. But those are the smallest part. The others just care about themselves. Don’t expect a warm welcome.”

“Maybe you don’t know, but I haven’t been very outgoing in my past life, either. Maybe it was me or the fact, that where I lived for the last years, there have been nothing but crazy ponies and mental doctors.”

“You mean psychologist?” she asked with a sardonic smile on her face.

“No. I meant orange juice. Out of nowhere. Above those trees.” I said and stepped closer to her.

Her smile vanished and a skeptical look appeared.

I went closer and closer, extended my wing and booped her nose. Then I walked past her, downhill, towards Starshine.

“What did I expect?” I could hear her mumbling under her breath. When I turned my head around I saw her shaking her head.

I smiled and descended further. Vex one, Lightning zero. Sometime in the future I wouldn’t be the only crazy one around. I laughed maniacally and leaped forwards. I spread my hooves and landed in the sand. The sand gave way and slid downhill very swiftly. The air blowing through my mane was so refreshing and the speed was exhilarating. I felt my heart thumping in my ears, when I skidded to a stop at the bottom of the dune. I looked back up and saw Lightning with wide opened eyes. I beamed and blew a kiss at her.

Then I turned around and started towards the entry gates. But after a couple of meters I slowed down. On each side of the gate stood a somewhat massive watchtower and two guards were watching me step closer. They had watchful eyes and guns pointed at me. I came to a complete stop now and watched them back. I didn’t quite know, how to feel about that. Somehow I didn’t quite get the feeling they wanted me coming closer. I felt my body starting to throw some spasms my way. My legs twitched and I jerked my head to counter the feeling.

Well that was that about leaving a good first impression. Twitching and jerking I waited for Lightning and the others. Lightning had a frown on her face and went past me, whispering: 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Then she called out the guards.

“Hey, Shiver, Salmon. Its me, Lightning. Im back. Will you let us in?“

„Lightning?“ one of the guards called back down from his watchtower. “Why you came back?”

“Something happened. We were attacked. I need to get inside and speak to Moonlight.”

“Okay. But what about your ‘friend’ there. She don’t look that good.“ he said emphasizing “friend” like it was an insult.

“She’s with me. So don’t ask.”

“Okay. Okay. Giddy!“

„What about my friends?“ I called.

Lightning turned around. 

“Vex. Sh!“ she said sharply.

“But what about 21 and 17? He didn’t say…”

“It’s okay. They can come, too. Just let me… okay?“ she answered quickly. She somehow looked a little bit scared. I didn’t know why.

I just nodded. Maybe I really should let her take care of it. So I kept my mouth shut and followed her. When we reached the entrance, the gate 
opened slowly and one of the guards came outside to take a closer look at us.

After inspecting me for a bit, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. He eyed me up and down for at least a minute, he addressed Lightning 
again.

“What you doin’ with that crazy pony?” he asked her.

“How do you know?” I asked him bluntly.

Lightning extended her rear hoof, without looking back and tried to kick me, but missed.

“I took her in. She was in danger. Can we go now?“ she answered a little annoyed.

“Yes, yes. You know we have to ask questions. Don’t blame me. Maybe you can talk some sense into Moonlight.”

“What you mean?” Lightning asked.

“You’ll know. Come on now, have to close the gate.”

He shooed us inside.

We walked in and now I saw it all. It looked totally different from inside. When I could only barely see some roofs and the wall from the outside, I didn’t imagine this. The houses actually looked pretty good. They were sleazy but all in all they held. The color on the walls was peeling off, there were cracks in the walls and the windows were blind. But the structure looked like it would survive another couple of years. We were walking on a
straight road leading directly towards the big tower in the middle of the settlement. On our right and left hand side house after house stood next
to each other with a couple of meters gap between them. They had even tried to make it look like these old houses in those books I had read.
Before the war. There were benches on little wooden porches, mailboxes and even some kind of plants in pots standing around.

Lightning went straight past everyone. I couldn’t help myself but look at them with my mouth open. They wore pretty clean clothes and hats. They
greeted each other and smiled. When we passed them, they looked at us with watchful eyes.

They didn’t smile at us. I felt uncomfortable. Some of the male inhabitants looked at me with hungry eyes, like they were about to eat me. Some
of the others looked at me with hostile expressions. I noticed those ones were mostly the female ones. They wore work clothing. It looked very
sturdy and a bit dirty.

I went closer to Lightning and walked beside her.

“Why are they all watching us like that?”

“They’re not watching us. They’re watching you.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Well, you know, because…” she said smiling.

I frowned at her expecting an answer.

“You’re pretty pretty.”

“Pretty pretty?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Meaning what now?”

“You look good.”

“You think? But I don’t really feel that well. I could use some sleep. And something bitey.”

“No. I don’t mean good. I mean you look pretty.” Lightning blushed.

“Pretty what?” I got more and more confused.

She sighed. “You don’t want to understand, do you? Or do you want me to embarrass myself?”

I seriously had my doubts, who was the crazy one right now. She had stopped and looked at me. I looked back.

“Well?” she asked. I gave her a weird, not-understanding face.

“Nevermind then.” she said, turned around and started walking.

“But… I don’t get it.”

She sighed and turned around again.

“You look good. Like not your health, but your general appearance. Ponies would like to go out with you and… like, you know…please don’t make me go on.” She blushed deeply.

And then something in my head went ‘click’.

“Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh.” I said loudly. 

„Oh.“ I repeated briefly. And blushed like I had never blushed before. I hadn’t even though of that.

Lightning raised a brow, coughed slightly, turned around and started walking. I stood there for a couple seconds, realizing what we were talking about the whole time. I quickly looked left and right without turning my head and started to follow Lightning quickly. Damn you, brain, for being so slow.


****************


When we reached the tower in the middle of the settlement, I could see lanes leading in every cardinal direction. We came from the south one, but every way I looked everything looked very similar. Houses on each side. Sometimes bigger ones, sometimes small ones. Some of them had shiny panels hanging outside picturing a pony with stars above its head or one with three bottlecaps. And… oh my… there was one showing ponies having… intercourse. I swallowed.

“Lightning. Is this there… that building with the panel… I mean…“ I stammered.

She looked the direction I was looking, turned around and laughed.

“You have much to learn, Vex. I told you everything is a bit strange outside and the ponies are even stranger. Ok now lets talk about some serious business. This here is Starshine Tower, its where Moonlight, the… lets say mayor of this town lives. Im gonna talk with her. Maybe I can get my old job back and we need a place to sleep. I couldn’t grab any money, when we escaped. So either she feels generous and gives me back my old house, but don’t get your hopes high. Id rather say, she wants me to pay or work for it. Maybe you could walk around and look for work. We need caps, quick. Ask around the saloon, maybe they have something. If I don’t get the job or my house, we have to stay there for a couple days and then… well we will see.”

“Eeeehm. So I should go to the saloon and ask for work?”

“Well that about sums it up, yes.” she said and smiled. “Questions?”

“Cant I come with you and… then well go together?”

“You could but it will be dark in a couple of hours and if we don’t have a place to sleep…”

“What then?”

“Do you want to sleep outside?”

“Really? Cant we just ask someone, maybe they’ll let us stay?”

“You don’t know Starshine. Don’t even try, they’ll kick you.” She said and sighed.

“Damn, ponies have problems here.” I mumbled.

„Its how it works. Youll get used to it. Nobody gives a flying fuck about anyone but themselves.”

“Okay, okay. Ill go look for work. Which one is the saloon?“

“The one you asked about earlier?”

“Awww. Come on. Really? I dont want to go in there.“

“Why not? Don’t like the look of some hot, oily mare?”

I raised my brow as answer.

“Just go. We’ll meet.”

“Where?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll find you. Good luck.“ She said and went inside the tower.

Look for work. Saloon. Place to sleep. Sun sets in a couple of hours. Dont want to see hot, oily mares. I couldn’t really say, that it didn’t tempt me a bit. But there were more important matters. Now first let’s find something to do. Whatever that could be.

So I started towards the house with the ponies doing… it on it. Just don’t think about it, Vex. No hot, oily mares rubbing together until… what did I say? That a no-no right now.

A couple of stallions sat in front of the saloon and looked at me. I blushed and went inside quickly, without looking at them. I could feel their eyes on me. I felt like hiding somewhere.

But even more when I got inside. I couldn’t believe what my eyes saw. Somehow better and worse, than what I expected. Mares were dancing on a stage. They all wore some kind of revealing clothes. I didn’t get it. Ponies didn’t normally wear clothes. Now they wore some and cut out pieces to reveal it again? Waste of material.

But their dancing. They were shaking their rumps like… they wanted me to… do stuff to them. I felt my blood leaving my head and a shiver run through my body. I quickly averted my eyes, just to see more mares dancing right on top of a stallion. Three of them and one stallion. He didn’t even look that good, why did he get… noooooo. Focus now.

Ignoring all the other things going on, I saw something resembling a bar and some filthy keeper behind it, scrubbing some dirty glasses. I went over to him and stood in front of the bar.

He looked at me and I looked at him. I tried to smile but somehow it wouldn’t work. So we stared at each other for a couple of moments, me with a weird look on my face, him ‘cleaning’ the glass which hovered in front of him. Unicorns. I envied them.

“He…hello.”

“Evening.” He answered in a deep voice.

He was chewing on something and wore a funny looking hat. His hide was dark brown and dirty. He didn’t look like he gave two bits about his appearance. I couldn’t say anything positive about his smell either. I tried to suppress the urge to wrinkle my nose.

“Im sorry, Im new here. Im… ehm looking for work?” I asked him with my voice quieter with every word.

“Pardon?”

“Im… looking for work.” I said again with a little bit more effort.

“Doesnt sound like it.”

“But… I am. Do you know something? To do? Like, to get caps?”

“’Course. 5 caps.”

“5 Caps?”

“Mhm.”

“Why? For what?”

“No caps, no information. Somethin’ else?”

“But…”

“Good.” He said and with that, turned around, walked through a door and was gone.

“Well that was interesting all right.” I said to myself.

Better leave this place. Ponies are weird in here. And the air smelled funny.

I turned around… and bumped into someone.

When I opened my eyes again I saw pink coat. Taking a few steps back I got a better picture of who I bumped into.

She was as beautiful as the sun was bright. That hide, green eyes and a lavender colored mane. She had such a slim body, but she still looked strong with those muscles. Her wings completed the picture of a heavenly beautiful mare.

I gawked at her with my mouth open.

“Hey.” She said with a voice like honey.

I couldn’t move, just stare.

“You were looking for work?” she said and threw me the most beautiful smile.

She was talking to me. Oh Celestia, oh Luna. Take me now, Im done with this life.

“So?” she asked and looked a little confused.

I felt, that I was drooling and closed my mouth, but that still didn’t make my head any clearer.

“Are you alright?” Now she looked seriously concerned.

Answer her for Luna’s sake. Come on, wake up.

“I… I am 16. I mean… Vex.” Awesome.

“Nice to meet you, Vex. Im Heaven.”

“Oh yes you are.” I mentally slapped myself.

“Excuse me?” She still smiled at me.

“I mean… ahem… Oh yes you are.” I repeated myself with a clearer voice.

What the heck is wrong with you?

She laughed. “Oh, you’re good. This is totally gonna work out.”

What?

“Listen, I have an offer for you. I heard youre looking for work and it seems like I have the perfect offer. Maybe you want to come with me for a walk?”

I didn’t feel like I was able to move an inch.

She turned around. “You comin’?”

My body followed her, while my head screamed at it to stay. This sounded to good to be true. Something was wrong, very wrong. But I had no control.


****************


She led me to a house a couple of houses away from the saloon. She opened the door and we went inside. It was very bright inside. Light shined through the windows and a couple of candles gave the room a cozy appearance. There was a sofa on the opposing side of the entrance and a bed to the right. On the left a door lead into a kitchen. Stairs on the doors left side led to another floor above.

“So what do you think?”

What did I think? I couldn’t say. My body still felt numb, but my brain worked like a machine. I tried to figure out what she wanted and what would happen. Was she dangerous? But she looked so good. Maybe a trap. But she was so nice to me. And she talked about work. Didn’t Lightning say, I should find work? Maybe it was best to hear her out. Maybe she had an interesting offer.

Didn’t she just say something? “Ehm… what?” I asked focusing my attention on her again.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking of many things. First of all why my body feels so weird.” Huh. Somehow the numbness slowly decreased. Maybe because I looked at something different than her.

But as soon as I diverted my attention to her, I felt my heart thumping again.

“Well. I can guess why. But that’s now why we’re here.” She said and smiled. “I heard you were looking for work, so I brought you here to make you an offer. A… friend of mine is looking for ponies, who have a rather… how to put it? She said and scratched her chin with a hoof, while looking down at the floor.

“Nice appearance?”

“Exactly. You’re a smart one. Even better. Yes, were looking for such mares. I guess you would like to know, what’s in for you.”

“Actually I would rather like to know, what I have to do for it. I’m not sure I’m suited for… that kind of work.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you know… ehm… that thing those mares did in the saloon… back there…”

“Oh no. No no no no no. That’s not what I am offering. Heaven’s no.”

I smiled at her. And she winked at me.

“So what is it that you’re offering?” I asked her. I was slowly growing impatient.

“Maybe I should just show you. It’s so much easier to understand, if you see it. It would take hours if I explained it to you.”

“I’m not sure. Is it dangerous?”

She laughed. “Of course not. Come on, do you think I would get you anywhere near danger and dare let anything happen to you?

That made me smile. She seemed to actually care about me.

“Well okay, if you think it will be easier. And Lightning told me to find work. So, why not? Lead on.”

“Did you say Lightning?”

“Ehm.. yes I did. She brought me here. Right now shes talking to Moonlight.”

“And youre her… what?”

“Ehm… friend I guess? I don’t know. I found her and weve been together ever since.”

“O..okay. Then just… follow me… okay?”

“Okay.”

She somehow seemed a little nervous. Since I had mentioned Lightning. What could that be about?

She went outside and I followed her, trying not to admire her rump so much. But the more I tried to look at the houses and other ponies, I felt the urge to look back at her. She was like a magnet for my eyes.

We went north onto the lane leading to another gate, with again two watchtowers at each side. Only one guard was atop of the left one. The other was empty.

“Do you hear that?” Heaven asked suddenly.

I cocked my ears. Nothing. Wait, there. Someone was calling.

Heaven looked around and I followed her sight. Behind us a pony was running after us. She… looked like Lightning. I smiled and waved at her. When she came closer I could see fear in her eyes.

I didn’t know why until I feld a sharp sting in my neck. Immediately my vision got blurry and I swayed, but managed to catch myself. I turned around my head to see what happened. But it all was just one bulk of colors. Then suddenly I felt the oh so well known tension rising in my body. But it was so immense, usually it started slowly. This time it hit me like a rock to my head.

Or maybe it was just the fact, that I indeed hit the ground with my head. My brain was working normally, but my body just felt all numb. This time not a good numbness but a weird feeling one.

I couldn’t see, but I managed to hear something. It sounded like Lightning was screaming at someone. I couldn’t determine any words, but she sounded afraid. Then there was a big thud and another one shortly after.

Some deep voices were talking and a nice sounding one. I think it was Heaven. I couldn’t feel my body but I knew that it was fighting whatever hit me. The numbness disappeared for brief moments and then reappeared shortly after. Like my tension was fighting the numbness or something.

It started in my head. I started to regain my sense of balance and felt that I was being carried by someone. My head hung down, while my body laid on some back, I guessed.

I hope it was Lightning, who carried me, otherwise. Oh, don’t think about it.

Aaargh. The tension was getting worse and it hurt. I felt my teeth clenching and squinnied my eyes. It seemed like I regained control of my head. I opened my eyes, but everything was still blurry.

“Lightning? Lightning?” I asked weakly. I feld my body hitting the ground again.

Owww. My head. What was going on?

I still couldn’t hear that good and again I only heard deep voices. But now they sounded afraid, too.

“…is she conscious? It should have put her out for hours.”

“I don’t know. She’s one of those crazy ones from the facility. Maybe the drugs they gave her work like an antidote.”

“Just smash her head then.”

“But Ham said he wants her unharmed.”

“Like I give a fuck.”

Two voices were arguing, while I tried to concentrate to regain the feeling of my body.

“What the hell is that?” one said and I could hear fear in his voice. Actual fear.

“I don’t know, run!” he shouted. Then hooves thudding on the ground. They actually ran away. What was happening now? Did something even more worse happen now?

Then I felt hooves surround me and pulling me into an embrace.

“Vex. Vex!” It was Lightning. “You need to calm down. Its happening again. Please.”

She sounded so weak. What had happened? And what did she mean, it was happening again?

“Vex, please. Listen. Calm down, think of happy thoughts. Think about your friends, anything.”

Then she screamed. “You’re hurting me. Please, Vex. Stop.”

I was what? I didn’t even know what was going on. Okay. Happy thoughts. Think about your friends. 21, 17. Lightning. Heaven? My body ached like I just ran a mareathon. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. I couldn’t concentrate. I was hurting her, I needed to stop whatever was happening.

21 and 17. Just now I thought about them. Where had they gone. They had been with us the time we entered. Since then I hadnt seen them anymore. I had thought they’d be behind me. What in Cadance’s name was going on?

Cadence? Princess? Somehow something in my head clicked. But I couldn’t say what. Somehow it made sense. Something was related to her. Cadence. It felt right.

Lightning cried. She was breathing heavily. But she still held me in her hooves. I was still hurting her. I tried to think happy thoughts, but it was so hard.

Her mane was brushing over my face. I remembered all the times we have been in this position. Me embracing her. She embracing me. We both needed comfort. We both had lost something. But she was still there for me. A real friend. 

I slowly started to feel myself relax. It felt good to know that she was caring about me. She had said she wouldn’t abandon me. She wouldn’t let me die or go mad. Was that love?

Hah. Don’t be so foolish. You just met her. And she just met you.

Her breathing calmed and I started to regain control of my whole body.

Opening my eyes I stared at the ground. I saw sand. Blackened sand around us. A little further away it was just normal sand. Why?

“Lightning?” I asked weakly.

“Im here.” She answered as weakly as me.

“What happened?”

I felt myself starting to cry.

“It happened again. The thing… in the facility, that… killed those ponies. You hurt me.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry. I don’t know why. I cant control it. It just happens. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.” I hugged her closer.

“I know.” She whispered. “I won’t let that happen again. I won’t leave you alone again. You’ll stay with me from now.”

“Why? I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to. You care for me. And I care for you. Don’t ever let me send you away on your own again.”

“Okay.”

We stayed like this for a while. Not a single other pony was seen. No sign of Heaven or those two other ponies.

When I felt like I had full control over my body again, I slowly pulled myself out of her embrace. She let go and looked at me.

“How is that possible?” I whispered. Lightning looked bruised… and burnt. Her hide was blackened and her head was bleeding.

“They hit me. You saw me running, but I couldn’t get there in time. They caught me right in front of you. I blacked out. As for the burning…” she went on. “That was you.”

A cold shiver ran down my spine. Me?

“I…I…what is that?” I felt disgusted. That was just… No… something in my body, hurting others and burning them? What the… I don’t…What?

“Why? It came so sudden. Normally I feel it coming.”

“I have no idea. They injected you with something. I saw a needle lying next to where you hit the ground.”

“What did they want with me?”

She shook her head.

“What do we do now?”

“Help me up. Well go visit and old friend nearby.”

“What about Moonlight and your job?”

She shook her head again. “I will tell you… later. First lets get to somewhere safe, where we can rest up. I feel like death.

That made me feel so bad, I started crying again. I didn’t want to hurt her. But I would never get far, if I just left her.

But what would be better? To live as a monster, hurting your friends and others or to die happily, knowing your friends are save and wont ever be hurt again?


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