The Last Letter
Applejack... I hoped this letter reaches you in time, or rather not in time. As I know the moment you read it, you'll come running to stop me. The truth is... I can't go on. I'm not the strong mare you think I am, I'm not the one you need. All I am is in pain and causing you pain. I know it hurts you to be with me, but you can't let go. So I am making that decision for you. I know this will hurt you, and I am sorry for that. But i also know it will spare you from so much more hurt that I will cause in the future. But here's the truth, I did fall in love with you, I do love you, even after I'm gone I will love you. But I can't stand to see you in pain, and I can't stand the hurting that I'm in. Applejack.... I truly thought we'd be together forever. But I don't want you to ever leave me, that is another reason I have done this. Because I can't bear you leaving me... So I have decided to leave first, I know its gonna be hard to get through, I know its hard to understand. So here is my explanation:
I was never the pony I seemed, I only put that act on to help you. I wasn't courageous, I wasn't fearless, I certainly wasn't strong. All of it, forced so that I could stay by you and help you through every day that hurt you. Every day, every night, I fear I will say the wrong word, or do the wrong thing and you'll leave me. That you'll be gone forever. Pinkie Pie says I'm just being a paranoid pony, but I saw what her and Rarity went through, I don't want that for us. It hurts so much just thinking about it.
I'm dying slowly anyways, I never told you that. Doc said I have a bad heart condition, and the stress is only making it worse. I went about three days ago. Nurse Redheart is the one that broke it down, she told me.... She told me I had maybe a half a year at best. And that was if I stopped having stress all together. But I know i couldn't do that. I know I couldn't live for that short while knowing that I'd die and how much it would hurt you.
This isn't the first time I've thought about this, so I don't want you thinking it was a spur of the moment mistake. I've thought about it more times than even Twilight can count (Ok maybe not her but you get the point) I planned this out, over and over, wrote letter after letter. Never could do it, always threw them away or burned them so you wouldn't find out. I thought if I could just play the tough one a little longer, things would work out. But they didn't, and everytime they didn't I got weaker and weaker. I never could do it before now, I couldn't stand hurting you, but after the most recent stuff we've went through... the fights, the feelings of me being useless to you now, it broke me. So now I finally did it, I'm not happy I did it, but I'm not sad either. I just.... am... I don't know what I feel about it. The only thing I can really tell is lonliness and a worry about you and everypony else. I am a little sad, I'll never get to see Fluttershy's blush again, or your cute smile and thick country accent. I'll never get to go to another of Pinkie's party's, they were always the best. I'll never get to see those crazy fillies get their cutie marks. I know I'll never see you again, but I know that you are a strong mare and you always will be.
I want you to break it to Scoots personally now that I think about her and the others. Not soon, maybe when she matures a little, just... make up a story to all the fillies and colts, say I joined the wonderbolts or am out of Ponyville for a while... I mean if you can't I understand, it'll be hard I know... Funny... my dream of joining the wonderbolts seems to be almost the last thing on my mind. Even though I'll never have that chance now, maybe they'll say something in my name. How hard I tried... I hope not though, I want to be remembered for my bravery, even as false as it was. Not my cowardice. Try to keep it away from Pinkie Pie to, I almost worry about her as much as you. Twilight maybe can understand, you should probably tell her first. And I'm sure Celestia and Luna will find out. I wonder how Discord will feel, heh, he'll probably try to revive me and tell me how stupid I was and how boring me being dead is.
My pain is easing away slowly now, so I guess I should end this note soon. I suppose there isn't much more to say, my jaw is sore.. heh, funny, thats the only pain I feel right now. I can barely move anything else. I guess It's finally time. I'm sorry Applejack, I hope you find somepony better, I hope you don't share the same fate as me, even though I know you'll be tempted by it. So I hope that you live on and have a wonderful life, not because you want to, but because I want you to. You deserve better Applejack. I'm sorry, just know, that not even for a moment, that I ever stopped loving you. Always know, that I always loved you, and I always will. No matter what the afterlife brings. Goodbye Applejack. I love you...
Love. With all my heart.
Rainbow Dash.