After much work, we here at the Canterlot Museum of Equestrian History are unveiling a translated copy of one of the oldest books discovered intact in Equestrian history.
Detailing, through an eyewitness account, the Fall of Discord and the Rise of Princesses Celestia and Luna.
A tale of adventure and life, love and betrayal, this ancient work will amaze and terrify, young and old alike with a stunning view into the past.
My granddaughter Penny seems pretty insistent that I work on this...autobiography? Memoir? Journal? To be honest I don't completely know what to call it. A written history of the rise of Equestria from somepony that just happened to be there? Let's go with that for now. I suppose I should start at the beginning though.
I would like to start by telling everypony that chaos is relative. I grew up before the Princesses Celestia and Luna reclaimed the throne and was subjected to the rule of Discord for all of my formative years. Now growing up I always heard my mother and father say this or that about the abomination of Discord, about how he overthrew the king and queen, destroying and warping the land for nothing more than his own twisted amusement. They made him out to be a horrid creature worthy of only scorn and hatred. They wanted him and his chaos gone.
That said, I thoroughly enjoyed all of the chaos. What young filly doesn't want to drink chocolate milk whenever they want? Or to soapskate wherever they please? To do a loop while on the way to school each day? Besides, I never knew any different. I would later find that the chaos in that little area of Equestria was quite mild and that other places were hit much, much harder. Penny tells me that I should tell any potential readers a few details about myself before I continue on. Personally I think that's rubbish and doesn't matter, but this writing thing is new to me so I'll give it a shot.
The titular I, in this recollection of memories, refers to Sir Shears Spice the Second, son of Shears Spice the First and Lily Spice. Earth pony extraordinaire; I used to have a charming chestnut mane, it is unfortunately going grey nowadays; my coat an odd shade of dark green. My fellow school fillies would always say that I was the inverse of a tree. Not quite as eloquently of course, but that is beside the point. I was the personal confidant of both Discord and the princesses for many years. I am at a ripe old age of 48, and currently single for any ladies that happen to be reading.
Going back to what's important. Growing up in Discord's rule was fun, and predictable in it's own special ways. The sun and the moon would rise and set without warning and at random time intervals, but you could always trust them to switch eventually. The roads would change material, the topography making no legitimate sense, but the roads would always lead where they were meant to go. The only true danger that I ever saw on a somewhat frequent basis was the wildlife. Nothing is scarier and even more confusing then having a friendly manticore or cockatrice defend you from a violent hare or robin. Even with the cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain so many loathed, ponies found ways to adapt to the environmental changes. In my travels I have found that ponies are remarkably adaptable to change. Why we have a tendency to resist it so much I will probably never understand, but that is a topic for another time.
I had a fairly normal foalhood for the time; although, if you heard it from my mother I was a bit of a mischief maker. I went to school; had friends, made a lot of enemies; had good times and bad, at least until Discord himself made an appearance in our quaint little town. Then it was interesting and terrifying. Discord coming to our town was a big deal at the time, we had never had royalty visit before, this ruling party of one or the previous monarchy. In true chaos fashion he simply appeared in the town square one day. Caused quite the mass panic too; ponies torn between bowing in fear for their lives and fleeing in terror. The mayor ran out into the middle of the square yelling at everypony to stop and remain calm, nopony listened of course, but it wasn't for lack of effort. The oddest part was that Discord simply stood there, watching, waiting for something that to this day I have no idea what it could have been. Looking back I should have asked him when I had the chance. Maybe he was just enjoying the chaos his appearance created. He then summoned and dumped a bucket of water on the mayor's head.
In that simple action my life as I knew it changed...all because I laughed. I couldn't help it, all of this mass hysteria and in the middle of it all our ruling body just poured a bucket of water on the one pony that was supposed to take charge. It certainly didn't help my case that he looked a bit like a wet rat. Everypony stopped what they were doing and silence rang out from all corners of town. Except for my lone giggling, which as soon as I noticed that everypony was caught between looking at me and Discord, I willed myself to stop. It was easier than expected truth be told, I attribute that to being the unwilling center of attention. He then walked up to me, and I will never forget what he said to me.
“You thought what I did was humorous?”
He had the strangest look on his face when he asked me that simple question. Somewhere between surprised and threatening. I swear in that moment you could hear a pin drop from across down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw more than one pony writing me off as a goner with their body language. Even my parents just stood there while I faced this supposed monster. After what felt like an eternity I was able to squeak out a meek “yes” in response. After another eternity length moment of him and I simply making eye contact, he smiled and blinked out of existence. Slowly everypony went back to their shopping and whatever else they were doing at the time. My parents took me home and sent me to my room as if I was in some sort of trouble. It was an odd moment but I figured that life would just continue on and that everypony would forget the entire incident ever happened. That was the first time I ever met Discord, the spirit of chaos. Life changed rather unexpectedly after that.
It was exactly two and a half days later that I got the letter in the mail. How do I know it was exactly two and a half you may ask? Earlier I stated that chaos is relative, well, time is also relative I've found. When you're going to school, and hanging out with friends, and just having a jolly good time; time has a tendency to move a lot faster then when you happen to be grounded for "mingling with the enemy" and stuck in one's room. Turns out that my parents were not convinced by my "but it was funny" excuse.
Anyway, so I got a letter in the mail. An invitation to a luncheon at the Grand Citadel De Discord. Grounded for mingling with the enemy, then said enemy invited me to lunch. At the time I thought life simply couldn't get any more awkward, not because of the situation at hand, but mostly because I felt that my life was simply not going to last much longer. How do you tell your parents the one being they actually loathe invited you to lunch without losing your head?
Penny says I should stop ragging on my parents. She does have a point, they raised me well and tried their hardest to make sure I grew up safe and sound. They also passed away before Penny was born and therefore she never knew them. I rest my case.
In hindsight I wish that I had kept the original letter, it really was quite extravagant. I also think it may have been enchanted. The words and letters would move about of their own volition, only displaying the original message every few minutes. It really was a sight to behold. Unfortunately it is lost to the vestiges of time...and fire. Yes, my parents reacted in much the way I thought they might and burned the invitation. Said it was for my own safety. I couldn't disagree with that, outside of my one meeting with the spirit all I heard was bad news about him, so I never pushed the point. Discord; however, pushed the point for me by sending invitations every single day after that. Rather plain ones after the extravagance of the first. Nothing moved, nothing changed, just plain invitations. This ended up continuing for two entire weeks. I would get an invitation and my parents would get kindling for the fire.
Sadly, my reputation amongst the town also diminished during this time. Not to say that I was an outstanding member of the community before hand. When you are the town prankster, that tends to proceed you in most social situations. This was a whole new level though. I laughed at Discord, spirit of chaos and master of disharmony. Most ponies didn't take kindly to it and were not afraid of voicing what they thought. Many were concerned for me and proceeded to rant and rave about how horrid a monster Discord was, as if I had never heard any of it before. Some shunned me for a while, presumably afraid I was either in cahoots with him, or I was of special interest. The other remaining group, the fewest in number but most hurtful in message, branded me a traitor to all of ponykind. Anything I said in defense was met with skepticism and outright disbelief. I suppose that when you can't harm your enemy you go for the closest to him that you can. If it hadn't been for my closest friends Graze and Lightning I'm not sure I would have held out against the onslaught. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I suppose that I should give a bit of background on my sanity saviors before we go any further. They ended up helping me a lot throughout my life and it wouldn't be fair to not give them their dues. I ran into them, or rather they ran into me, a few years prior to all of this. I was seven or so at the time. Our fathers were good friends and eventually it would make sense for us all to meet. Our first meeting started off as all great friendships tend to, with physical injury and lots of screaming about who was at fault. Ah, those were the times. Anyway, I was out soapskating, one of my favorite hobbies, when these two ended up sliding right into me, causing an interesting pretzel of limbs.
So it started, I bellowed out a "watch where you're going!"
Lightning countered with a rousing; "no, you!"
A fun game of "no, you!" commenced back and forth until Graze started struggling to untangle herself from the mass. Mostly that just made it worse since we all started to struggle, pulling in all different directions. Shouting at us all to stop, Graze untangled her self and helped us do the same. After a bit of fuming and otherwise unpleasant thinking; we finally exchanged names and were able to get a good look at each other. Graze and Lightning are identical twins. Identical flying twins. If I shut my eyes and they switched places I probably wouldn't have been able to tell them apart the first several months I knew them. So of course they loved to do this and mess with me all the time. Loving friends, eh? To make a long story short, we ended up in the same class and became close friends. Spreading our own brand of fun throughout the town, much to the ire of the town. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After the two week mark we stopped getting the invitations. My parents were certainly plum pleased by this, figuring that Discord had simply lost interest. The loss of kindling was considered acceptable. A few days passed and life returned to as normal as it ever got. Everypony started to lose their irrational fear/hatred of me and resume disliking or liking me for the usual annoyances.
I never studied the weather. It was considered a useless skill during the rule of Discord and for good reason; it was as unpredictable as Discord himself. Snowing to fog, hail with the sun still shining, water coming down at a rather pleasant bathing temperature, and that was just when normal precipitation felt like happening. I recall the travesty that was the maple syrup showers. So much sticky in all manner of locations unpleasant. I learned this phrase much later in life and have found it to be one of my favorites; the calm before the storm. If I had known it earlier in my life, I would have probably made it my catchphrase. The reason I bother to bring this up, is that in hindsight, that was probably my first introduction to a calm before the storm.
It was a mostly standard day; I went to school, did chores when I got home, went out for play after that; all of that stuff that young colts are supposed to do. When i got back home from play however was when I noticed that things were a bit off. The air was an odd, palpable tension; and even at that age I realized that home was not a safe place to be at that moment. I called for my parents, hoping to hear a reassuring response in turn. When i was greeted with silence I chose to heed my budding self preservation instincts. I proceeded to back slowly to the front door keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of immediate danger to my person. It was about that time I ended up in a bag. Being in a bag is more or less the opposite of fun, its rather quite terrifying when you are forced into the position. So I did the only thing I knew to do in that situation...I screamed my head off and flailed about.
Turns out that screaming while you are in a bag is a foalish idea; leads to a lack of oxygen and you pass out fairly quickly. So as much as I would love to tell you what happened while I was in that bag, I simply don't remember. I can tell you what happened when I woke up later, and I shall, but what happened in the bag is going to remain one of the greatest mysteries of ponykind.
I awoke in a bed. I found this odd, I was no expert on foalnapping but I was fairly sure that you didn't put the foalnapee on a bed. And it was a hay of a bed, easily the most comfortable bed I have ever had the pleasure of laying on in my entire life. I pondered whether or not I was dead for a while. I was simply laying in the world's most comfortable, not being bothered, for seemingly as long as I wanted. Sounds suspiciously like this paradise we are said to go to when we pass on, but the realization that I wasn't the most virtuous squashed that idea for the moment. Slowly I opened my eyes, as if expecting the bed to simply vanish once I looked at it, and peered around me. I was in the opposite of paradise, a room full of balloons.
I was surrounded by them, all of them floating there, waiting for me to make a move. Taunting me with their smiling faces, daring me to leave the safety and comfort of the bed. I chose to defy them all and threw the covers over my head. I don't know how I knew, but the thin covers would protect me from them. They were incapable of doing me any harm. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Penny's raucous laughter makes me realize that to most, balloons are not threatening...in any way, shape, or form. Ponies just don't understand the inherent danger of them. They watch you no matter what you do, they follow you when you aren't looking, and their smiles are deceptively malicious. It is my fond hope that somepony out there will read these words and put an end to this threat before their masterplan is put into action. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was then that I heard his voice for the second time in my life.
"Really? A bucket of water poured on somepony makes you laugh but a room full of balloons is terrifying? Here I was thinking that I had finally found a pony with a sense of humor."
I heard a snap and saw a bright flash through my protective linen bubble.
"Are you going to get out of bed or am I going to have to make the bed get you out of it? I'm quite starved and feel that almost three weeks has been a long enough time since I last had lunch."
It clicked in that instant, I truly was running quite late for my lunch date. Forcing myself to calm down as best I could, I removed the covers from over me. There he was, standing tall and annoyed at what I could only guess was me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm going to try my best to give as much detail as I can in this next bit, so far as what was said. The memory isn't quite what it used to be however, so don't quote me at all through this. Actually, just don't quote me at all. It's creepy, come up with your own words. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Um, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. My parents didn't want me to." I only felt it right to apologize for being late, he was rather courteous for extending an invitation to me.
"You should be sorry. I'm fading away to skin and bones here. Lunch is important you know, similar to a midnight snack."
He didn't look any thinner from when I had last seen him, but I held my tongue just in case. As oddly polite as he was being I still had little reason to trust him; and, I didn't want to make him legitimately angry with me. Didn't seem wise for my health. He walked on through the door way and I followed, down a twisted turn or three, the hallway just seemed to stretch on forever. Of course, I had to say the one sentence, the bane of all parents out there, inciting pure rage in any soul unfortunate to hear it uttered out loud.
"Are we there yet?"
"I don't know, do you see any lunch yet?" In that single quip I was introduced to sarcasm, one of my other favorite things in life. At that point though it flew right over my head like a cloud flies over a fish, no chance of contact.
"Did I miss it?" All I ended up with was a groan in response.
A moment or two later we came to the end of the labyrinthian hallway, which ended in a wall.
"All of that walking for a dead end?!" I was confused, annoyed, and hungry. Not a good combination for a young colt.
"Only if you let it be." And with that Discord simply walked through the wall.
It was certainly impressive, ponies normally don't just walk through walls. Defeated the purpose of a wall. I walked up to it and gave it a bit of a push. Nothing moved, I didn't fall through the wall, it was as sturdy a wall as I had ever come across; and, it had absolutely no intention of letting me pass. So I pushed harder, if Discord could get through this wall, I was too.
"As amusing as it is to watch you struggle, lunch is getting cold. So I am going to give you a hint...You're doing it wrong." Speak of the draconequus, mentally even, and his head shall appear through a wall.
"What the hay! That doesn't help!" I was no longer annoyed, I was really annoyed.
"What would your mother say if she heard you swearing?" Discord's head pondered out loud before vanishing through the wall once more.
Suddenly I tasted the most foul substance I ever had as a foal, soap. It was first degree tongue assault pure and simple. It should have been outlawed the day after soap was first conceived. Nopony shall ever insert soap into the mouth of another pony. No amount of spitting or scraping my tongue would get rid of the taste. Really annoyed became righteous anger as I charged once more at the wall. I no longer cared that it was a wall, it was going to be a hole once I was done with it. It was all that stood between me and getting rid of this foul taste. I built up speed and charged it as fast as I could, I charged right into a rather stable table leg.
"How pleasant of you to finally join me for lunch." Discord managed amongst a grand laughter.
I was too dizzy to make a retort of any sort. I managed to build up a decent amount of speed before I simply went through the wall; and, running head first into a table leg at that speed hurt. A lot. But at least the soap taste completely dissipated after the went through the wall. Thank goodness for small miracles. After my head stopped spinning I looked around to gain an idea of my surroundings.
"Welcome to Grand Citadel De Discord!" Was belted out with a flourish of lights and confetti.
"It's a cabin." And it was a cabin. A rather small one at that. It seemed pleasant enough but underwhelming for such an extravagant title.
"My dear colt, you just ran through a solid wall and you call my home nothing more then a cabin?" Fair enough.
I looked back at the wall to see if it looked any different now that I was on the other side. Nope, just the same old boring wall.
"How did I get through that wall anyway?" Peering curiously at the odd entity in front of me.
"I don't know. Its different for everypony. The trick is just to stop thinking that its a wall. Its a bit of a mass conspiracy but you can actually do it to any wall in existence. They just don't want you to know." I had no idea who "they" were but I was astounded, more gullible than anything else, but astounded all the same.
"But it's now time to eat rather than discuss. Bon appetit." Discord continued while giving another snap.
All sorts of food appeared on the table, all of it looking amazing. Grabbing a nearby chair, I eagerly dug in. Salads, sandwiches, pastries of every sort and I tried it all. Or tried to rather, despite that it seems like young colts stomachs are never ending they do have a limit, and they end up quite unhappy if that limit is surpassed. Eventually I ceased my scarfing and took a look at my host.
Discord had hardly touched any food as best as I could tell, preferring to sit back and sip a glass of chocolate milk. For the second time it seemed like Discord was off in his own little world, watching, waiting for something unknown.
"Bit for your thoughts?" I offered to the pervading silence.
"You couldn't hope to understand most of them. And I have no desire to break your mind, yet." And the silence continued.
"Not that I am ungrateful, but why did you invite me to lunch?" Discord stiffened at my question before teleporting behind me.
"While I can see that you're interested in a game of 20 Questions with yours truly, I must inform you that you have been a terrible guest. You enter my home, eat my food, make a mess, and I don't even know your name." Discord rattled off.
"Shears Spice, the second. Son of Shears Spice the first and Lily Spice. And you haven't told me your name either!" I challenged. There was a glint in Discord's eye; my challenge was accepted, and I was going to lose.
"Shears Spice, I will have you know that is no way to speak to royalty. For I am Emperor Discord the draconequus, ruler of this land and master of chaos. Kneel before me if you value keeping your lunch in your stomach." Discord had a very self satisfied smirk on his face. I knew that there was only one way for me to win or at least come close, I just had to hope that he was bluffing.
"...No." I merely sat and grinned. Discord seemed pleasantly surprised by my response. Seemed.
"Ta-ta for now." And snap.
I blinked a few times before I realized that I was in my room again. My bag from school in the same place I left it before getting foalnapped, in fact it seemed like nothing had changed at all. I called for my parents and received no response. It was a rather terrifying deja vu. I exited my room and looked around the house. Nopony other then me was home. I searched about and eventually found a note in the kitchen.
Lily, Shears,
It's your turn to handle the salvation project.
Come to the meeting place as soon as possible.
I know that you have a colt of your own and
this is an added responsibility but we need
to keep moving at all costs. The future of
ponykind depends on it.
-Blues
I was confused. I knew that Blues was Graze and Lightnings father, but some sort of salvation project? The future of ponykind depending on my parents? Something big was going on and I had just unwittingly stumbled upon it.
"Lily, we can't tell him. He's still young, still innocent. Let him enjoy that while he still has a chance."
"You know as well as I do that with Discord's interest in him, we need to bring him into the fold as soon as possible. Besides, how are we supposed to explain two fillies are moving in with us?"
My parents had returned from whatever meeting they had been at, and from the sounds of it, were in quite the discussion. Dropping the note I bolted for my room. I had no idea why it seemed like the right idea at the time, but instinctively I knew that I was not supposed to see that note.
"We could just tell him that their parents are on an extended trip and they asked us to watch them while they're gone. Its mostly true."
"I suppose, but what if one of them let's something slip? Luna really is quite talkative and I have a hard time believing that she will be capable of secrecy like that."
Luna? A filly named Luna was going to be moving in?
"...Honey, wasn't this note on the counter when we left?"
Oh no. No no no no no, I forgot to put it back where it was.
"I thought so, why? Where was it?"
I was so going to be grounded again.
"You don't think he found it do you...? Shears? Are you home?"
I don't know why I chose to not answer. Maybe I thought I could get away with it. Probably why I hid in the corner.
"Burn that. I'll go check and see if he is in his room."
I heard light steps coming closer and closer to my door. It was Mom. At least I don't have to worry about much yelling. Dad was the one for that. Three knocks on my door were heard before the door swung open. She looked over at me and I at her.
"Hi Mom."
"Oh dear..."
And then, awkward silence abound. Neither one of us certain of what to say to each other. Thankfully my father was more than willing to break the silence.
"You are home. Okay. Be honest with us. Did you read the note?" I nodded in response. I wasn't sure whether or not I trusted my tongue not to fail me.
"Okay. So it looks like your mother and I have some explaining to do. What did you hear us say, if anything?"
"I heard you say that two fillies are going to be moving in, and one is named Luna." My father nodded at this admission and seemed to be lost when it came to continuing the conversation. Thankfully Mom was capable of picking up the slack.
"That would be right. Luna and her sister, Celestia. They are orphans from when Discord took over and have been moving from family to family in order to keep them safe. Its our turn one week from now."
Now I was intrigued. Discord had an interest in these ponies? Like he had an interest in me? Before the conversation could continue; however, knocking echoed throughout the house. As a trio we walked out to the front room. Father opened the door to see a rather odd guard.
"Can I help you officer?"
"I'm simply playing messenger with this one. And Shears, my condolences." Producing a royal scroll, he handed it to my father and walked away.
With a shut of the door my Father went off to his study to read the scroll while Mom and I made sandwiches.
"Have you met them?"
"Who dear?"
"Luna and Celestia. I want to know what they're like."
"Ah. Well, Luna is certainly the louder of the two. She always seems to have a smile on her face and its positively infectious. Celestia on the other hand is a lot quieter. She's like a lighthouse in a rainstorm though. She always seems to be there for everypony."
I digested this information. I was going to be living with two opposite sisters. I wonder if that would make me their brother? Probably not if they have lived with several other families. I hope so though, I've always been a little jealous of Graze and Lightning. I could only ponder what it was truly like to always have somepony out there that has your back, seemed nice.
"Lily, can you come in here?"
My mother gave me an apologetic look as she set down the partially made sandwich. So much was changing so fast, it was an exciting feeling I had never felt before. Nervous and excited all wrapped into one. I wanted to jump for joy and tell everypony I knew; but, I knew better then to do something so foalish. I figured that I should ask my parents just what I was allowed to tell others. I had some sandwiches to finish first though.
"Can you come in here son?" I heard my father call from his study.
I made my way there with the recently finished sandwiches in tow. I wasn't sure about my parents but I was getting pretty hungry again after all of the excitement that had been going on. I entered my father's study for the fourth time that I could remember. All the other times were because I was in trouble, and I was a bit nervous this time around.
"When did you have lunch with Discord?" My father asked, keeping his face completely devoid of emotion.
"When I came home for a late lunch. I came into the house but you were gone and so I tried to walk out and then I was foalnapped and I was brought to this cabin and there were balloons and Discord and it was terrifying and we had lunch and talked and then he sent me back home and then you guys got home." I rambled incoherently.
There was no point in trying to cover my tracks, my parents knew what happened and were going to act accordingly. What I didn't expect was for my mom to run over and hug me.
"Did you know that he was going to send this letter to us? Your story checks out with everything in this letter. What is at the end is what I called you in here for." My father cut through the moment.
"What is that?" I honestly had no idea what else could have been going on.
"Discord wants you to be his apprentice."
A Tale of Two Fillies, or My First Lesson With Madness
Nopony knew quite what to say for a while. The letter had stated that starting next week I was to join Discord every other day in order to learn about chaos and how to properly spread it amongst the world. The same week two fillies were going to be moving into my home. Two fillies wanted by Discord.
I was excited to learn chaos though. As an earth pony I had always been fascinated by magic and Discord's brand of magic was a unique one as far as I was told. My lack of horn might cause problems although Discord had met me. He knew I didn't have magic of my own. Maybe he would give me some? It seemed like it would be within his abilities. Only time would tell however, and time told me that I had an entire week ahead of me to wait. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Penny informs me that I should explain what happened in that one week of waiting. I don't consider it important. Reading about waiting just doesn't seem terribly thrilling. But in the interest of making this as thorough as possible I will give you the long story short.
I went to school, did homework, hung out with my friends, and waited for next week.
Satisfied? I am. Now on to the more important part. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ And my week was up. According to my parents Celestia and Luna should be there by the time I got finished with school. My training with Discord was to start tomorrow so I had the entire day to get to know them. It was nerve racking not to tell Graze and Lightning about it, but my parents had forbid me from saying anything about it to any of my friends.
Eventually I was on my way home, excited and anxious, I had no idea how it was going to go over. Were we going to get along? I certainly hoped so. My thoughts continued in that vein all the way home. As I walked into my house I found myself tackled by a midnight blue assailant.
"Hi there! My name is Luna, you must be Shears. Its so nice to be with somepony our age for once. We almost always get stuck with adults and its just no fun. Celly loves it but she just doesn't seem to know how to have any fun whatsoever and-" The pegasus rambled on and on, leaving me with no room to interject.
"Luna! Calm yourself!" I heard an unknown voice call out. As I stood up and brushed myself off I noticed that a white unicorn had walked into the entrance hall.
"Greetings, I am Celestia. You've clearly already met my sister Luna. We will be staying with your family for an undetermined length of time. We thank you for your hospitality." Celestia gave a small bow and left. I could see why my mother had said she was all business.
"Celly! You're no fun! So what do you like to do? Do you want to play some games? All I ever get to play with is Celly and all she ever wants to do is play some board game or other. Except she never wants to play any of the fun ones like Candyland, or Guess Who, or Checkers! Are you okay? You look like you're zoning out a bit there." She spoke a mile a minute.
It was difficult to follow just where the conversation would go or what to say in response. Living with this filly was just going to be a challenge.
"I like chess. Although checkers is a lot of fun. I can get my board out if you want to play?" I responded after a brief moment, much to Luna's chagrin.
"Okay. You need to learn to make decisions faster. I just don't have the patience to wait for you." Luna laughed merrily before blowing a raspberry in my direction.
I walked over to my game chest in my room. That's where I found Celestia looking at my meager book collection. I wasn't much of an avid book reader. It was mostly something I ever did when I was sick. Celestia glanced at me when I came in but otherwise said nothing. It was a little unsettling to walk into a room and have little to no reaction to your presence. When you're the class clown ponies tend to pay attention to you, usually for negative reasons.
"Luna and I are going to play checkers. Would you like to join us?" I asked, breaking the silence. Celestia jumped slightly.
"I'm quite alright." That was all she said. She just wasn't that social it seemed.
I grabbed my checkers set and went back to where I had left Luna to find her missing.
"Luna? I have the checkers set." I said loudly, hoping for her to appear. She didn't disappoint.
"BOO!" Luna cried out as she jumped from behind the couch.
I jumped and let out a loud scream. Not my proudest moment by far. I picked up the flung checkers set as Luna proceeded to laugh maniacally. Getting the game set up we sat down to play. After ten minutes or so, it became clear that Luna was not cut out for this board game.
"That move is illegal!" She accused.
"All you can move is diagonally. There is no way to cheat!" I defended.
"Well you cheated. That is my story and I am sticking to it. So I win by default." Luna declared triumphantly.
I sighed. I suppose checkers was over for the time being. I put the set back in its box while Luna headed off in the direction of the kitchen. Once all of the pieces were put away I went back to my game chest to put it back with the others. Celestia was now on my bed, reading a book from my collection. Putting the game back in the chest I turned to face her.
"What are you reading?" I asked.
Celestia looked up at me. "Algebra."
"My math book?" I asked incredulously.
"Is there a problem with that?" She seemed honestly curious. As if I would have a legitimate problem with her reading my math book.
"No. Its just the last thing I would have expected you to read. I have several good choose your own adventure books if you want something a bit more exciting." Gesturing to my bookshelf I offered a few selections I felt were a bit more interesting.
"I don't read much fiction. There is nothing to be gained from it." She deadpanned. A challenge was presented and I was going to take it by the horns. I was going to make her smile, laugh, something; my reputation as class clown depended on making it happen.
"So, other than reading, what do you like to do?" First step to any successful attack is to research the target.
Celestia gave me an odd look. "I like to read...and I suppose a few board games are alright. Luna always wants me to play them with her. Is that a trick question? None of my teachers have ever asked me that question." This was going to be a lot more difficult then previously anticipated.
"What sort of books do you like to read? What board games do you enjoy?" More information was required.
Celestia seemed to brighten at these questions. "I like to read most instructional manuals. Its so much fun to learn about advanced mathematics and language. This manual is simply review for me, but I love the later theories by Euclid and Archimedes. It's just too exciting! Don't you agree?"
There was that smile I was hoping for, shame I had no idea what she was talking about. "Uh, sure."
Celestia put the book back on the shelf and walked over to me. "It's so divine to actually have somepony that comprehends me when I speak to them. I don't have anything in common with ponies my age." After a brief, unexpected hug, she left my room with a skip in her step. I had no idea how that was going to work. I was clueless when it came to what she was talking about. Still, I had homework to do, so I had better get it done.
A while later I finished up and headed into the kitchen. My mother and Celestia were preparing dinner for everypony, just a simple base salad with plenty of room for any personal additives. In my family tastes varied wildly and we found is was just easier to add our own sauces and toppings afterwards rather than try to please everypony and fail.
"Dear, will you please go get Luna and your father? Dinner is nearly done and it's time to wash up. They should be out in the backyard." My mother asked shortly after I walked in. Good timing on my part I felt.
So I made my way to our backyard to find father and Luna doing...something. They were just sitting in the grass staring at each other. It was a little discerning. A little hesitantly I walked towards them and made my presence known.
"Father, Luna, dinner is almost ready and its time to wash up." Instantly Luna shot inside the house, leaving a confused me and a sighing father behind. "What were you two doing?"
"We were trying to meditate. One of the previous caretaker's started doing it with Luna as a way to help her focus. All she did was fidget and nearly doze off though, so I'm not sure whether or not we'll continue it." My father explained with a loud yawn. Seemed he had the same trouble staying awake as Luna did. We set off towards to the washroom to clean up, making idle chitchat along the way.
At the dinner table everypony ate in mostly silence. Nopony knew what to say to each other. On one hoof it was calming to know that my parents were just as lost in this situation as I was, but on the other hoof, when your guidance is just as confused, what do you do? Fortunately, Luna seemed to know the answer.
"So, what are we going to do after dinner?" Luna asked, breaking the silence.
"Normally we give it a half hour to sit and then we all go to sleep so that we can all wake up early." My mother replied.
"What? But that's boring! What about going and catching lightning bugs? Or cloud watching, or playing a game? There is so much time left in the day!" Luna burst out unexpectedly.
"Luna, mind your manners." Celestia shot a look at her sister.
"But Celly-" Luna began.
"They're quite the lively bunch aren't they Lily?" My father asked my mother quietly, who just gave a small laugh in response. If Celestia or Luna noticed what my parents had said, they had no response; instead continuing to bicker back and forth.
"Luna, this isn't something that you can just decide to do. We have to make sure that its okay with our caretakers." Celestia let out an exasperated sigh. Luna looked at my parents expectedly, who in turn looked at each other, and then all three of them proceeded to look at me.
"I'll leave it up to you champ. Are you willing to accept responsibility if Luna stays up and breaks something?" At the time my father's expression was unreadable. Looking back I can acknowledge that it was a type of savage grin. He was testing me and we both knew it. Normally we always went to bed at the same time. This would be my first time staying late.
"Totally." I was not about to let this opportunity pass by. My parent shared a knowing smirk before choosing to allow us to stay up late. Luna let out a whoop while Celestia facehoofed. It was going to be an interesting night staying up with these two.
After dinner was done we put away our dishes and proceeded to the back yard. Luna took off for a small flight, leaving me with her sister. For a while we just sat and watched as Luna soared through the sky, without a care in the entire world.
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fly?" My subconscious thought slipped out.
Celestia gave me an somewhat amused look. "Not terribly, to be truthful, I've always been nervous about being any higher then a couple of feet. My hooves are firmly on the ground and I am content with that."
"My two best friends are pegasi, and its odd to be the only one amongst the group that is grounded. I wish I could just join them from time to time." I mused.
"Maybe there is a spell out there that would allow you to fly? If only temporarily. I don't know any that would grant such a feat, but I also wouldn't be surprised if such a thing existed." Celestia said.
"That would be truly awesome. I had no idea that unicorns could do something like that with their magic." I had never had much of a reason to look at magic with any degree of depth, Celestia was the first unicorn I knew personally. There were a few around town, but they were easily the least common.
"Magic can do so many things, it would be an impossible endeavor to attempt to learn it all. One would need immortality for such a feat. I can dream though." A peaceful silence fell between us again. Looking back towards the sky Luna was missing.
"Celestia, where did your sister go?" Alarms sounded off in my head, we had only looked away for just a moment and then she had disappeared.
"BOO!" Both Celestia and I jumped out of our skin as Luna reappeared behind us. "Really now, how long were you guys going to just zone out? We've already been out here for an hour."
A quick check of the clock confirmed Luna's story. I had no idea time had flown by so quickly. Grinning sheepishly we all went to lay down to go to sleep. The two fillies were completely different and yet clearly related, two sides of a single bit I suppose. I looked forward to getting to know them better while they stayed here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The next morning was rather harsh. You end up getting so accustomed to sleeping and waking at a certain time that when you stay up just a little bit later, waking up at the same time you normally do is rather unbearable. I enjoy my sleep and was not pleased when I didn't get my usual amount. If Celestia's disheveled state was anything to go by, she felt much the same way as I did. Luna on the other hoof was perfectly chipper. My parents had a rather difficult time hiding their amusement at Celestia and my misfortune; by having a hard time hiding it, I do mean that they found it hilarious and promptly let us know with a small chorus of laughter.
Today was my first day of training with Discord, although nopony had any idea when it was supposed to actually happen. The letter had stated that it was going to happen today, but no other details. I suppose he just wanted to make another grand entrance. Maybe he would foalnap me again; it was hard, if not impossible, to say what he would do. Whatever his grand masterplan was, I had school to get to.
It was close to the end of class when Discord made a spectacle of himself. My teacher had just collected our assignments of the day when the classroom when completely dark. Not dark as in the lights were off mind you, dark as in light simply ceased to exist. A maniacal laughter filled the void as bright flashes of light made it impossible to detect where the source of the sound was located. Small cries and whimpers could be heard all around the classroom before light was restored.
"What a bunch of foals, can't handle a small joke?" Discord had his lions paw planted firmly over his face. "Well, its time to start our lessons! So we shall be off to Grand Citadel De Discord!" Clearly he had quite the flair for the dramatic as we pointed as he made quite the show of walking over and picking me up. A bright flash of light later and we were gone.
Finding myself back in the cabin, or Grand Citadel De Discord as he always chose to refer to it, I turned and looked at him. "That was mean you know. Nopony had any idea what was going on."
"So, what you are going to tell me is that all surprises are bad?" Discord's gaze merely lingered on me for a moment before he began to move around. "I recruited you because you laughed, and you are the first pony to do so in some time. I am going to teach you my craft, and have you aid my in pony affairs. As much as I love all of the delightful chaos that I have created, the recent polls show a lack of approval with my administration. This needs to be remedied. Nothing gets done in the current state."
I had no idea what to say to such a thing, Discord's student and aid? I sat on my haunches and promptly began to just think. So, I was living with two fillies wanted by Discord for reasons unknown to me, and Discord wanted me to become his aid. My parents hate Discord with a zealous passion and would despise me working for him, but they would also want to know what his plans were. Should I accept, did I even have a choice in the matter?
"From your silence on the matter, I can only jump to the conclusion that not only have you accepted my generous proposal but, you are trying to come up with an amazing way to thank me. Well, no need my dear pony, I only need a what in confirmation." Discord broke me out of my train of thought.
"What?...Wait! No hey-" I opened my mouth before my brain had a chance to actually comprehend what I had heard.
"Beautiful! We shall get started immediately." Discord cut me off before I could fully voice any complaints. A snap and bright flash lead us to a large open room. Summoning a cotton candy cloud that started to spout chocolate milk, he turned to me. "Now, I am quite the fan of learning to do things on your own. So your first lesson is simple. Make chocolate milk rain from the sky." He summoned a scroll and set it next to me. Apparently it was the spell itself that he personally used.
Taking a gander through the scroll I noticed an immediate problem. "I can't do magic." It was a rather simple problem, but a major one that wouldn't allow me to progress any farther.
"That isn't my problem, get creative. I'll be back in 10 minutes or so, or maybe I won't, maybe you'll be stuck here forever." Shooting me what he thought was probably meant as a light hearted grin, it came off more as a predatory one, as if I was well and truly trapped here forever. Should I ever graduate this forced apprenticeship, that would be the first thing I coach him on, how to grin without looking like you are going to eat somepony.
I set out to accomplish my task, come Tartarus or a chocolate milk flood, with the latter looking more and more likely. The cloud he had summoned never went away or stopped its localized torrential downpour; resulting in my movement to keep from getting either myself or the scroll soaked. Speaking of which, time to give that a read.
How to Summon a Cloud of Chocolate Rain in 3 Easy Steps!
1) Become one with the chocolate milk.
2) Chant the Call of The Milk.
2b) If the Call of The Milk is unavailable, a loud audible snap should do
the trick.
3) Wait anywhere from 1 second to your entire lifetime for Lord
Discord to appear and possibly summon a cloud of chocolate milk.
How cheeky, he knew that I couldn't do it with magic. Unfortunately I had no idea how to summon a cotton candy cloud otherwise. It was time to try the instructions in this scroll. How to become one with chocolate milk...maybe I had to drink a whole bunch of it. A common saying at school was you are what you eat, maybe it applied to drinks as well. Walking beneath the cloud I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and looked to the heavens. Gulp after gulp after gulp, I felt like I truly was in heaven. My parents never let me get away with doing something like this before, always telling me that I would end up with a stomachache and that I would regret it later on. Once I had my fill I went back to check on step number two.
Let me make it clear that you can't snap with hooves. It just doesn't work no matter how hard you try, and I tried very, very hard. Finally I let out a frustrated cry and stomped the ground, making a satisfying snap-like sound. Maybe that would work. Going back over to the cloud yet again I drank some chocolate milk and stomped my hoof. After that it was time to play the waiting game. A few minutes later Discord finally reappeared.
"You actually followed that scroll?" Taking note of my appearance, he busted out laughing. "While your ability to follow blindly is commendable, you still haven't made chocolate rain from the sky. Try again. I'll be back in 5 minutes this time."
Again he vanished, leaving me to my task. It was frustrating, I had no magic to summon a cloud, nor could I fly and push the current cloud around. All I had was my own four hooves to aid me. All I could do more or less was just splash him when he came back...that was it. He never said that the chocolate had to come from a cloud. Only that it had to come from the sky. Even if I threw it up and it came back down he would have to accept it as be a true solution. Armed with my chocolate milk, I waited until he returned. 5 minutes on the dot he reappeared. Looking around my surprise attack caught him completely unaware.
"Hmm, still no chocolate raining from the-" As the chocolate milk that I threw up above him came back down he froze in place.
"Ha! Gotcha!" I cried out triumphantly. This was my victory and i was going to gloat all that I wanted.
Wiping the brown liquid from his eyes he looked over at me with a curious look. "Fine, you win this round. The lessons will get progressively harder from now on, as a potentially fair warning." He couldn't scare me, I was ready, I was going to prove that I could beat his challenges. "I expected that to take you a lot longer, so go home. Lessons will resume in two days." With a snap I was back in town standing outside of my house.
Between the two fillies and Discord's teachings I was going to have a full plate to work my way through. And I couldn't wait to see what sort of fun would be had.