Part 1: the end
Bill was sitting at home, just waiting for his model portal gun to come in the mail. "It should be here by now, I ordered it like a year ago." the mail-man showed up right on time, like he always did. "is it finally here, Ernesto."
"Fuck you Bill, my wife always yells at me. why do i have a hernia. i lost the game." ernesto said as he threw the package at bills head, missing and hitting his feet. he drove off from bills house and accidently crashed into the blind orphanage, his truck exploding, leaving the building in ruins.
"same thing every day." bill said with a slight chuckle as he frolicked into his house, his bath robe flowing in the wind, as he scratched his bald spot with the grace of a swan, kicking the toilet paper off of his foot as he slowly tip-toed past his screen door, leaving no evidence he had ever left his house, so the police dont question him about all the dead orphans. he stepped inside his house and carefully opened the package as fast as he could. he finally had his portal gun. "how cool would it be if it actually worked." he said. just at that moment, it did. one circle shot the tv, while the other shot his roof. "wow, im old, fat, and gay" he said as he jumped into the portal up above with the grace of a swan. instead of jumping out of the other portal as expected, he jumped into the program on the tv, which had just shifted from transformers prime, the best show on the hub, to that piece of gay ass nigger whore fuck shit stack my little pony: friendship is magic. he entered the show on a barren field, looking around for any sign of life. he seen a purple earth pony with a horn. he approached the young mare and said, "where the fuck am I." he asked ever so gently, with the grace of a swan. " uum, your in ponyville, you strange woodland creature?" ijij whore the author said, as it was 4:39 when he wrote this shit. " ok and you are!" he axed hur. " i'm twilight sparkle." she replied with the grace of a swan.
"wow, i cant believe im actually meeting edward cullen>"
" ok!" she replied with the grace of a swan. "i have a friend id like you to meet?" she told the forty year old virgin. she took him by his foot toilet paper, as there is an unlimited supply. they walked al the way down to fluttershy's mantion with the grace of a swan. they rolled up to shy's pimpin castle in their 63' cadillac with a decal reading team edward. bill walked out of her crappy piece of gay ass nigger whore fuck shit stack car with the grace of a swan. when he reached her quaint little pueblo, he knocked on her door with the grace of a swan. just like xander and princess clara taught me. he thought to himself. fluttershy opened the hatch on her tardis in her newly tailored pocahauntis costume (free concept art) and meekly said. "WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT FROM ME, FUCKIN COP PIECE OF gay ass nigger whore fuck shit stack, I AIN'T GOT NO BATH SALTS, oh, your not a cop!" she screamed after realizing he wasnt a cop with the grace of a swan. "hey, fluttershy, can you look after moby for a while, and figure out what he is with the grace of a swan!"Asked Twilight Sprinkle, going by her pornstar name, only used in the presence of princess luna, unless she was horny as fuck.
"umm, my name is bill?" moby told them,
"sure twilIGht, no problem." she hollered queerly.
"ok bye" twilight said as she flew off.
"so, uhh this is kind-" bill said as he was cut off
"listen you little piece of shit, i dont give a fuck who you are, but you and twilight interrupted my high time with angel bunny, so stay in here and leave me the fuck alone, you little slut." flutterhigh told him, slipping into another personality other than stuttershy and sluttershy with the grace of a swan. " so, who, and what, the fuck are you.
"my name is bill, and im a human." he told her like the abusive father he was inside. just then, on the other side of town, lyra's inept sense of hearing, sharpened by bonbons, sexual moans at night, came. running at the sound of the word human with the grace of a swan. "what are humans like. do they say fuck you, or my wife always yells at me or why do i have a hernia or i lost the game!" she quietly questioned, slowly saying each word so her new human sex slave could hear them.
" GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE BITCH?" fluttershy asserted, which totally went for her in putting your hoof down. lyra flew out, as all unicorns can fly, straight into the blind pony orphanage where pinky was raised. spike walked by and said
"same thing every day." with a slight chuckle as he frolicked into his fortress, his bath robe flowing in the wind, as he scratched his bald spot with the grace of a swan, kicking the toilet paper off of his foot as he slowly tip-toed past his screen door, leaving no evidence he had ever left his gutter, so the police dont question him about all the dead pony orphans.
"so when pooplight sparkle comes back, shes taking you to the vet to get fixed with the grace of a swan!"
"Urah?" bill said, happily, knowing somebrony would finally touch him there other than him and uncle sylvester stalone. just then, twilight butthole burst into the room with, The Great and Powerful Trixie, who accidently tripped one of fluttershys emergency claymores, blowing her into Great and Powerful chunks with the grace of a swan. "Moby, come with me, i need you down in canterlot! pronto?"
And now, and interlude from the author and publisher
Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and id like to take a minute, just smoke this pot, ill tell you how i came to a city in equestria called canterlot.
And now, back the the authors life story
"I cant believe it took you the whole forty minute ride here to make up those awful lyrics to an already existing song." said twilight hitler bin laden kony stalin caesar castro il hussain jfk ford seacrest, like the angel she was named after, with the grace of a swan.
" i cant believe you made me walk the whole way here?"
" well maybe, you shouldnt have peed in my new honda crystler chariot."
" that wasnt me. that was your piece of gay ass nigger whore fuck shit stack owl?"
" you mean owlicious!" she protested with the grace of a swan.
"whatever , at least were here in cancerlot?"
They arrived at the castle with the grace of a swan, eager to meat princess celestia. bill ran ahead, but twilight still had ahold of his tp leash and he fell with the grace of a swan. after they had cleaned the blood, they went into celestia's grand throne room, stopping momentarily to marvel at the pagota built just outside of her bounce castle. celestia walked out wearing a duct taped covered saftey helmet, and said with the grace of a swan, "Blerragellaanaacaca butterfli."
Luna then walked out and said in an uplifting and demeaning manor " goood girl big sis-tow, now go inside and play with papa's keys now." she said, delivering a swift kick to celestias flank err.... ass. "YAAAAAAAEEEYYY, slippy fun time." celestia said, running full trot into a blind alicorn orphanage, when prince blueblood who is best pony sexily walked by and said
"same thing every day." with a slight chuckle as he frolicked into his dominion, his bath robe flowing in the wind, as he scratched his bald spot with the grace of a swan, kicking the toilet paper off of his foot as he slowly tip-toed past his screen door, leaving no evidence he had ever left his igloo, so the police dont question him about all the dead alicorn orphans.
" now here is the real princess, cowlestia, goddess of dairy, and raiser of the cheese, to brief you on your mission."
She flew from above with the grace of a swan, unlike any beauty ever beheld by the eye of my imagination. when she landed, she told them, " good moorning, my little ponies!"
"I'm a human!"Bill vocalized.
"That's racist? anyway it comes to my attention that Discord has escaped again. Unfortunately this time the Helements of Armory won't be strong enough to defeat his wacky ass. he is pulling some gay ass nigger whore fuck shit stack this time gang. now go and like kill it?"
for the purposes of this story discord is now voiced by Mr.Krabs?
"I need to get my friends to help me."
"oh, darling, were already here?" said pinkie pie
"why yes. sweetems we've been here the whole time." said rainbow dash
"fuck me HARD!!!!!! said sluttershy
"Why we were here long before you and your companion entered this beautiful palace."said Applejack.
"HUURRRR DUUHH"said Rarity.
"Oh goody your all here" came an ominous voice with the grace of a swan.
"Discord show yourself with the grace of a swan."said bill.
"Never,"Discord replied then he materialized in front of them. "ah, i see you brought moby,"
"bill." moby said generously
"no matter, he'll do you no good comrades, for you see, he's a virgin."
"i can change that." said trixie, oh wait, she's dead, lol. said sluttershy
Then Sluttershy leapt with the grace of a swan landing on bill's erect penis. Once Bill's cock hit her cervix his eyes began to glow with a bright light. He began to rise up off of the ground and swung sluttershy who was still on his dick and hit Discord in the face with her.Discord fell to the ground and was immediately surrounded by the mane six, each carrying a midevil flail. they slowly approached him, each with a menacing look in their eyes with the grace of a swan, they closed the circle around him and began to mercilessly beat him with the grace of a swan. Then Rainbow dash dragged him over to a table and placed his jaw on it, then she sonic raincurbstomped him shattering all of his teeth causing blood to pour from his mouth in a torrent of thick red liquid.
Twilight then picked him up with her magic and plaed a swift kick right to his testicles sending him careening into a blind draconaquus orphanage,exploding,leaving nothing but rubble.
Then Luna said"same thing every day,"with a slight chuckle as she frolicked into her conch shell, her bath robe flowing in the wind, as she scratched her bald spot with the grace of a swan, kicking the toilet paper off of her foot as she slowly tip-toed past her screen door, leaving no evidence she had ever left her house, so the police dont question her about all the dead draconaquus orphans.
"Yay the wicked witch is dead lets eat scootaloo."Said fluttershy.
"I do believe this proves that nothing is stronger than friendship and love. The bond of friendship can never be broken, and with your friends you can overcome any adversity, and your friends will always be there to let you know that you matter." said Big Macintosh.
"Eeyup?"said sweetie belle.
"Well now that I've saved Equestria by myself with the grace of a swan I guess it's time for me to go back home."
"Oh moby do you really have to go?"said Twilight Urkle
"My name is bill you cunt " he said kindly.
"cum back for me"said fluttershy.
Bill bent down to fluttershy and placed his hand gently on her cheek, he looked into her eyes and lovingly said"no"with the grace of a swan.
and with that he pulled the portal gun out of his mouth and fired the orange circle at the ground,and the blue circle at rainbow dash's asshole.then he dove in the blue circle with the grace of a swan coming out of his television and back into his living room.
he went to pick up his portal gun but looked at his hand and realized that it was actually a fat old gay hoof.
"Oh shit i'm a pony....That's gay."
then he went to Chuck E. Cheese and got wasted.
the game.