> Sweets And A Dash Of Rainbow.
>  by Sir Hat
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Winter's wrapped up
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Thank you all, you saved my life. But I think it's time I left." the pianist set the microphone down and started carrying his mare towards the doors.

Dash quickly jumped up on the table, I quickly grabbed my drink and kept her from knocking it over. "Hey!" she snapped loudly at the retreating couple. "That was awesome!" The pianist quickly nodded to her and hurried out the doors.

"Augh..." I grumbled, rubbing my face in agitation, "Really? Get off the table you spaz."

Dash spun around on the table, kicking her friend's drink off the table. "Rainbow Dash!" the purple bookworm quickly jumped back.

Dash started spinning around the table, knocking over drinks and stepping in food as she twirled. "Sorry- sorry- dang it, sorry!"

"Dash, you're making a mess!" I yelped as a plate of greens launched towards me. "Jesus, get off the table!" I stood upright and scooped her off the table. I turned and took a look at the room. Half the room was staring at us, the other half was pretending not to. "Twilight I'm gonna get going okay?"

Twilight scowled, nodding a few times before pointing to the doors. Dash started struggling as I slung her over my shoulder. "Hey I wasn't ready to leave yet!"

"Oh be quiet...god damn...I need a drink." I charged out the door and started off down the steps out of the castle.

She continued to squirm, kicking her legs and nearly kicking the side of my head as she tried to pull free. "Put me down you jerk, you're supposed to do what I say!"

She managed to kick of my shoulder, quickly bucking my ear. "Bitch!" I reaffirmed my grip and pinned her against my shoulder. "God damn that hurt...fuck this!" I looked to my right and hurried towards the nearest source of alcohol. A bar with a bunch of batponies out front drew my attention immediately. I charged inside, ignoring the stares and sitting down at the bar. "Anything, two of your hardest liquor, I really don't care what!"

The man behind the counter quickly nodded, dragging a large brown bottle off the rack behind him. "One hundred proof...thirty bits for the bottle." the man spoke with a heavy Russian accent.

"Sure, just pour it." I grabbed the money from my pocket and threw them over. He quickly poured the two drinks, letting me set Dash down next to me and getting her to calm down with the knock down whiskey. I grabbed the glass and threw the burning liquid back.

Dash stared at me before matching my form. "Oh my gosh." she swallowed hard before shaking her head. "That tastes like-"

"The taste of shame removal." I poured another glass and threw it back. "I can't believe you stood on the table."

Dash glared at me, watching the glass in my hand like a hawk. "Give me that!" she yanked the bottle out of my hand and poured herself another drink. "I can...drink better...than you!" her speech became labored as a deep red grew over her muzzle. "I can't...no...human...person no win."

I pulled the bottle away from her. "Calm down, gonna poison yourself like that." I finished the glass and switched to straight out of the bottle. "Not everything ish- fuck...is a contest." I swung back the bottle. "Jesus Christ...Ruskie where'd you get this!? This shit could kill someone."

"Shut up!"

"Ah screw yu...." I slid the drink to Dash. "Gonna fucking hate the morning...but this is totally worth...something."

Dash nursed the bottle like a baby, slamming it back down and laying on the counter. "Shut up Ryam...your shupposed ta make me happy, so make me happy!"

I grabbed the bottle and brought it to my lips. "What the fuck...are you wearing lip stick?!" the taste of lemons was stuck to the tip of the bottle. I tried to ignore it and washed the taste away with more booze. "An I ain't supposed ta make ya feel gud, I'm supposed to walk you around and look good! Now my suits all dirty...you're hooves are covered in salad dressing...I mean I don't even know who the hell we're getting back to the bucking hotel."

Dash pawed at the bottle, knocking the empty vessel sideways. "So what...you're just here for the money?" she pushed her upper body off the counter. "You don't think I'm pretty!?"

I leaned in and joined her little staring contest. "I don't give two shits about pony blue. You paid the company, I showed up, now we're here...getting smashed." I snapped upright. "Huh...this turned out better than they planned."

Dash looked around the room at blissfully happy bats. "Better shan shitting with stupid shnotty ponies!"

I took my jacket off, setting it behind me on the stool. "Damn right. I mean I nearly refused the contract when it said formal attire...shit...pass that shit."

Dash slid the bottle over to me. "I think it's empty."

I picked it up and drew what little liquor remained. "Damn it, I'm tapped too!"

Dash groaned. "I left my bits in the room."

The bartender pulled the bottle away, wiping down the counter as he picked up the abandoned glasses. "Stay safe."

I pushed off the counter. Finding myself much drunker than I felt as I stood. I grabbed my jacket, pulling the stool along with me as I stumbled into a table. Dash started snickering as I wobbled around the bar. "And you told me I looked weird!"

I slammed stomach first into the counter. "Fu- uck," I hiccuped as I tried to pick up my jacket. Another patron quickly walked over and handed it to me. "Ey!" she spun around with an annoyed look. "You're cool...awesome." I gave a crude thumbs up as I moved to pick up Dash.

"Hey- I can walk my-" she jumped from the stool, quickly slamming gut first into the floor. "Ow...."

After some help from the bats Dash found her new home slung over my shoulder, leaving me to drunkenly traverse the streets until I found our hotel.

After about an hour of sloppily stumbling through the streets a passing guard spotted us. "Sir...are you alright?"

I stared at him as I grabbed a light post for balance. "Uh...South...Sterling?"

The guard hung his head low. "The hotel? Come along, I'll help you get there."

I pointed at the guard. "Eyyyy, cool dude."

Dash let out a long burp. "Ey-ey-ugh...."

The guard slowly led me down a few streets, eventually showing us to the large hotel. "Whoa...dude...you did it!" I pulled what few bits remained in my pocket and threw them at him. "Sorry...hands no work."

The guard stared at me until walking off. With him gone I started my way up the stairs. Eventually crawling to our floor and using the wall to slid towards our room.

"Oh shit...key...key...key...." I mumbled to myself as I patted down my pockets. "Dash...key?"

Dash's foreleg shot back, pulling the copper colored key from her dress. "Key."

I took it from her and unlocked the door. "Yes, fucking...yes!" I tossed the door open and stumbled into the room. I managed to set Dash down and curl up beside her on the floor.

"This sucks...." Dash grumbled as she stretched out on the floor. "You're the worst human!"

"Yeah well...you're worst pony!"

Dash crawled onto my chest. "You...you take that back!"

I leaned my head up, bumping my nose against her's. "Make me."

She grumbled a bit before driving her head down, planting her lips against mine. I tried to push her away for a moment before enjoying the taste of the bourbon on her breath. I stuck my tongue out and got a quick taste of her lips before she opened her mouth.

We quickly grew more fierce as our drunken make-out moved forward. I pushed Dash back, a trail of slobber running from our mouths as I rolled us. She squirmed angrily as I positioned myself over her. "Wait...wait...wait!" She screamed as I managed to undo my pants.

I sat upright, Dash still trapped under my legs. "What?"

"No dress...help me..." she continued to squirm, managing to work her dress down a bit. I quickly yanked the whole cloud themed affair over her head and tossed it on the couch.

With her bare, wet sex exposed, I leaned down over her. I cradled her head as we joined mouths again. I quickly snuck my member out and brought her hooves together, rubbing the soft insides as I pressed myself against her entrance. Between my prodding and my hoof massage her mouth was nearly vibrating from her moans.

I searched her mouth with my tongue while my lower head explored her burning sex. The vise like grip and extreme heat was driving me crazy, just like my thick member was driving her crazy.

My vision started to blur as I drew my mouth back, enjoying her panting and pained laughing as I tickled her hooves, letting her insides squeeze my member. I reached my head down and licked her hooves as I held them together. My thrusts grew hazy as I lost consciousness.

Everything went dark, with a soft hazy memory of pleasure mixed with a growing headache filling my head as I slept.
> Wake up!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	A loud bang started resonating from the door. "Rainbow Dash?!" I know that drawl, that's the Apple pony.

I tried to open my eyes, the burning sensation quickly proved too overwhelming. I crawled away from the light flooding through the window and tried to get my bearings. Carpet, carpet means floor, floor means building, building is probably hotel.

I felt around until I grabbed onto something, something alive. My eyes shot open, ignoring the pain and slowly clearing my vision. Rainbow Dash was curled up next to me. I looked around blearily until I realized what had happened. We were both on the floor, she looked just about as hungover as me, and the smell of sweat was clinging to both of us. "Oh, god!" I nearly yelled, trying to hold back my disappointment in myself.

I used some nearby furniture to push myself upright and stumble towards the door. I check to make sure I was tucked away and slowly looked out the door. "Hello?"

The Apple shot upright. "Howdy, is Rainbow Dash up?"

I looked back to the crumpled mare in the middle of the room. "Not...ugh-" my head started throbbing as I leaned into the door. "She's not up yet...did you need her for something?"

The mare at the door tried to peek in. "We're supposed ta be leaving in a few hours."

"Ah, I see...I'll get her there."

The Apple pony gave me a nervous look before starting down the hall. "Well alright partner."

"Alright!" I closed the door. "Shit...that was awkward as fuck." I didn't actually even remember her name, and I probably reeked of alcohol.

I looked around the room a final time. Dash had never even unpacked, and I just got here last night. All that was left was to vacate.

"Why am I- ugh...on the floor?" Dash picked herself sloppily off the floor and started sniffing her coat. "Oh...no...." she looked around, a few molted feathers sticking to the carpet. "Oh no!"

"Quiet, quiet, quiet!" I leaned into the door and threw my arms around. "Look, stuff happened...we can't change that now. Let's just clean up, get to Ponyville, then we never have to speak with one-another again."

"Y-yeah...I'm gonna go...preen my wings." Dash slowly started sulking off towards the bedroom. I threw myself into the kitchen and found a small bottle of vodka. "Twenty bits for hair of the dog..." I uncapped the tiny bottle and pounded half of it. "Bullshit."

With the horrible taste in my mouth replaced with a different, less horrible, taste I was free to go about my morning. I walked hazily towards the bedroom, tossing the cheap vodka onto the bed. Dash snapped her head around, letting her wings flap once, sending a plume of feathers around the room. "Drink that...you'll feel better."

"Oh...thanks." Dash grabbed the bottle and threw it back.

"Drinking like a champ...I'm gonna go shower, we can tag out and pack up once I'm out."

Dash looked troubled by the stiff wake up. "Sure I-" she started coughing as she let the bottle fall to the floor.

I waited until I was sure she wasn't going to die. I hurried into the shower and ran a cold gauntlet of the freezing shower. As much as I would have loved a warm shower, the risk of making me vomit was way too high.

After copious amounts of soap and a horribly rough towel I started picking up my clothes. I walked, still damp, into the bedroom. "Shower's open." I tossed my old clothes on the bed and started looking for a new outfit.

Dash lingered in the room for a bit before darting off. I ignored it and started getting dressed in something much more familiar. Jeans and a collared shirt was scores more preferable than a shitty over-tight suit.

With that out of the way I started packing up, the feathers, bodily fluids, and other crap wasn't my problem, someone's going to get paid to clean it up anyways.

I finished packing everything away and started pulling the bags into the entry. As I passed the bathroom, steam rolling out from under the doors, Dash was violently hurking in the shower. I felt more than a little bad, if not for me none of this would never have happened.

I contemplated my guilt as I finished up with the bags, stuffing Dash's discarded dress haphazardly into a bag.

I was a bit eager to get back home and get take a nap, but Dash seemed to be trapped in the bathroom. I ran back and flung the door open. She froze in place as I did. "What? Oh don't look at me like that, you don't wear clothes in the first place." all that was truly different about her was her wet mane. It had a rather cute appeal, but thinking of her as cute was going to be rather difficult for the next few hours.

Dash quickly dried herself off and followed me out of the room, leaving me to carry our bags. We hurried into the elevator, the anger growing in me as I remembered crawling up the stairs last night. "So...yeah, I uh...." Dash stammered as she inched closer. She stood next to me the whole way down, keeping it up as we met her friends in the lobby.

Twilight walked over to us. "Rainbow Dash are you okay?"

Dash took a nervous step back. "Yeah! I'm great."

Twilight looked at me, her face hard to read. "Cause you're standing kinda close to him."

"You're standing close to spike!" Dash snapped, angrily pointing a hoof a spike, causing him to jump upright and throw his hands up. The entire room quickly started staring at her. "Whatever." she trotted off beyond me, walking out the doors and off into the unknown.

Twilight looked at me hard before leading the little group after her, spike sticking around me as we walked. "Hey Ryan...."

"Hey Spike...sup?"

Spike gave a quick boyish laugh. "Heavy right?" he hefted his small bag on his back.

"Indeed." I laughed as I balanced the two bags on my back and the one in my hands. Somehow all of Dash's friends, save the yellow one, thought it would be just fine to use me as a pack mule.

Spike did a mock lift and let out a long groan. "Yep, finally going home. Don't get me wrong, Canterlot's alright, but they never let me go to the things!"

"Trust me...that thing, wasn't too much fun. Nice music, but that was just about it."

"I know...Twilight said she liked it so it was probably kinda boring."

"A little. Like I said it was nice, but not my shtick. Lucky me Rainbow's got no patience for that kind of stuff, got to leave right after someone proposed to someone."

Spike stuck his tongue out. I gave a quick laugh as I hurried along towards the head of the group, quickly falling back as the ponies bickering gained volume. "Hey Spike, did something happen last night?"

Spike scratched his chin, moving down to his gut as he walked. "I don't think so. Why did something happen with you?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I quickly veered off to the right and walked alone. The train station quickly came into view and the prospect of napping on the train grew more and more real.

I quickly found my way into a shared train car and put the bags into the overhead. I sat back down and quickly found myself surrounded by ponies again. The yellow one was laying across the chair opposite myself and Dash, staring out the window and watching the mountains rush past.

I joined her in staring out the window. "It's nice isn't it?"

She looked over at me, eyes like dinner plates from my unexpected question. "Um...yes."

Things got quiet as Dash fidgeted in her seat. I gave her a quick glance before looking back out the windows. "So when's winter wrap up in Ponyville?"

Yellow took a quick look at me before looking back out the window. "I think its next-"

"Monday." I swung my head around towards Dash, she was getting slowly closer each time I looked back. "Its next Monday."

"Ooookay...." I turned back to the window, quickly whipping back around and catching Dash scooting closer to me. "Okay, the hell!?"

Dash jumped to the other side of the bench with a flap of her wing. "Nothing!"

Things got quiet as I started staring out the window. "So I don't think I ever got your name-"

"Rainbow Dash, I told you-"

I turned to her, yet again half way towards me. "I was...I was asking her." I limply flung my arm towards the timid yellow mare.

Yellow gave a shy smile and looked back out the window. "Flutteshy."

"Alright then. Fluttershy, you ever-" I was cut off as something touched my back. I jerked towards the window, turning around and finding Dash wrapping a wing around me. "What the fuck!?"

Dash just closed the gap I created and leaned into my side. "Shh...just let me do this."

I grew more and more uncomfortable as Fluttershy and I shared a moment of joint confusion and discomfort. "So...Fluttershy..."

"Yes?"

"Have you ever...been...alright seriously!?" Dash had moved from leaning against me to wrapping her hooves around my stomach.

"Just let me do this!"

I suppressed my rage and ignored the amorous mare wrapped around my waist. "Fluttershy...have you ever hired anyone from Hellas?"

"Oh, yes..." Fluttershy smiled kindly. "She helped me feed the chickens when I was sick."

"Aw how nice," I started leaning down to the near sleeping Dash's ear. "My contract is almost up."

Her ears twitched hard as she shot upright. "I thought-"

"Once we're back to Ponyville my contract ends. I have to be honest, it's been interesting escorting a few nice mares through town but I've gotta get back to actual work."

Dash grumbled as she went back to sleeping against my arm. Fluttershy had started staring at Rainbow Dash as she latched onto my arm. "So you work for Hellas?"

"Yep yep. For a few months. I mean I've worked as a wood cutter, foalsitter, babysitter, and hell...escort."

Fluttershy smiled warmly. "You were a foalsitter?"

I laughed a little as I remembered that week. "I worked for a mare in Vanhoover for a week, they were going for some trip or something. It was fun but catching a baby pegasus in a grand hall was a pain."

Dash gave a soft mumble as she started falling asleep on my lap. Fluttershy went back to staring. "Did something happen to her?"

I ran my hand through my hair. "We got drunk...really drunk."

"Ooooh...that makes sense."

"I guess." I perched my chin on the windowsill and watched the scenery go by.

Little by little the cool air of Canterlot was slowly replaced by a soft warmth. The land changing from rugged stone to steep hills, then finally to a simple grassland as we pulled towards Ponyville.

The train slowly pulled into the station. Fluttershy quickly flew up and pulled her bag out and started leaving the train.

I had a bit more of a troubled time, having to wake up the sleepy headed mare in my lap. "Come on...get up." I pulled at her ear until she stood up. "Trains in station, time to part ways."

I quickly pulled out bags down and let Dash carry her own for once.

I lead her to the end of the platform and said the Hellas spiel. "Thank you for choosing Hellas human solutions, please think of us whenever your needs require a human touch." I handed her a small blue card and started off towards my home.

"Wait!" Dash ran over and started walking next to me. "I uh...you wanna go get something to eat?"

I hurried my pace. "No thanks, I'm good."

Dash quickly added her wings to the equation, catching up with me and matching my pace. "Hey so who do I talk to about your thingy?"

I tried to hurry again, moving just short of sprinting. "Its on the card...."

"But you-"

"Stop following me!" I started sprinting off. Dash quickly, but sloppily, flew behind me.

"Are you sure you don't wanna go get coffee or something!?"

"Go away!" I spotted my building and hopped the fence, rolling in the yard and charging into the house. My landlord quickly running over.

"Ryan, the heck is going on!? Why're you running all over the dang place!?"

"Cranky...stalker...help me!" I grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him, his toupee getting rocked around his head as I did.

"Ryan get off!" he pried himself free and stared angrily as he walked out front. A quick yelling match ensued between him and my pseudo stalker. He charged back in and stared at me. "Bonkers ponies...."

I let out a long sigh as I caught my breath. "Not the word I would use. Thanks man."

"Yeah yeah...now get out of my house."

I gave him a quick salute and walked out his back door, hurrying into my outbuilding. A small mini house with a kitchen nook, bathroom, and loft. I set my bags down and got ready to unwind. I started climbing into the loft, cut off near the top as Mathilda's voice rang out. "Ryan, mail."

"Bugger, bugger, ass, bugger ass!" I jumped down from the loft and walked over to the door. I quickly met the donkey at the door and took the letters. "Thanks...."

"Don't worry your little head about it." she started walking smoothly back to the main house.

I ducked back inside and went through my mail. Crap, crap, crap, Hellas, Hellas, thank you card from Glow Dust, and Hellas.

I threw the crap away and started sorting through the Hellas mail. Three job offers right after this one could either mean Dash had broken the sound barrier and had already requested me again, or my popularity as badass human was growing. Either way I tore the letters open and started looking through them.

Canterlot: Pet shop temp. Nope.

Canterlot: Hoof care specialist. Nope.

PonyVille: Local candy shop worker. "Candy...eh...why the hell not." I signed the application and hurried back to the main house, stuffing the letter in the mailbox and watching as the mail mare tried to untangle herself from a tree. "Uh...Ditzy...you want some help?"

She let her body go limp, her head spinning around the tree, glancing at me between swings. "Oh...hey...Ryan...sure...if you...want to."

I shook my head and started back towards Cranky's shed. "I'll get the ladder."

I found the tool in question and quickly started pulling Ditzy out of the tree. "How does this even happen?" I broke a few twigs and sticks that had gotten caught up in her straps.

Ditzy scrunched up her muzzle. "I was on the ground, then I took off, then I was in a tree."

I shook my head and pulled her free, quickly carrying her down the ladder and setting her on the ground. "Well since you're here." I grabbed the letter out of the box. "Here, take this for me?"

Ditzy looked at the letter. "Sure!" She stuffed it in her bag and gave me a quick hug. "Thanks Ryan."

"Yep, just watch out for trees!" Ditzy nearly slammed into a light post as she waved back at me.

Crisis averted I put the ladder back and hurried into my house. I crawled into the loft and passed out. My dreams a bit troubled as I thought about the way Dash had followed me. I'm sure she'd get over it though.
> Wrappers
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I finished getting dressed and started out of my house. I looked up to observe the clouds and was immediately aware of a hidden pegasus in the sky. I ignored her and ran off into town. The cloud followed from a distance, never venturing too close, but obviously following me.

I did my best to pretend like I didn't notice or care, but the looming shadow was beginning to make me uncomfortable. I hurried on and spotted my new workplace. I sprinted the last few meters, slamming into the door and stumbling into the building.

A soft sugary voice met me. "What the fuck!?"

I steadied myself and peered back out the door. The cloud was hovering above the building. "I think- no, I know I'm being followed." I closed the door and locked it behind me. The swirly headed mare gave me a look of pure disdain. "Look I'm sorry, I'm here to work but that freaked me out!"

The mare pushed me out of the way and looked outside. "Okay...you're not crazy, but I'm gonna need you to not do that again." she pulled her head back inside and double checked the door. "Who is that in the cloud?"

"Don't ask...some mare I shtupped."

She raised an eyebrow as one of her legs raised off the ground. "Shtupped?"

I walked over towards the counter. "Ehhhh...we banged." I deadpanned, leaning against the counter. "Doesn't matter though, I'm just here to work."

The swirly headed mare nodded and lead me behind the counter. "I just need somebody to help me wrap." the smell of sugar filled my nose as I watched her point out a few different stations. "You wear gloves and everything, just wrap the hard candies and put them in the bin when you're done. Got it?"

I walked over and found a glove dispenser. I tore a cheap pair of plastic gloves out and pulled them on. "No hair net?"

She looked at me. "Hmm...good point...do you shed a lot?"

I shook my head. "No ma'am, no I don't."

She bopped her hoof on the ground, giving out a satisfying clop. "Then just keep it short and you'll be fine." A loud ding came from the storefront. "Well...that's a customer, have fun." she walked to the front and left me to my work. I took a wrapped and twisted it around a piece of candy and made sure it was tight. The next few minutes were full of peace and quiet as I simply wrapped candy after candy and tossed it into a waiting bin.

I finished up with the batch she left me earlier than I thought and looked around the room. This place had everything from taffy pullers to sugar vats. The smell of granulated sugar was enough to give anybody high blood sugar. I walked around the shop, eventually going into the front.

I stopped dead and hid behind the door as I saw who my new boss was talking to. "Rainbow Dash...you can't go back there." she blocked the flamboyant mare from walking past.

"Bon Bon just let me go in, you want bits?"

Bon Bon shook her head, making her mane bob as she pushed Rainbow away. "Was that you chasing my employee?"

Dash froze in place, slowly backing out of the shop. "No...." she bolted out of the shop and down the street.

Finally safe, if only for the moment, I walked out and stood next to Bon Bon. "So...proper introduction time?"

She gave me a lazy look of disapproval. "You just heard my name...you're Ryan. We done?"

I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I guess so. Is there anything...like...I don't know, work wise that I should know?"

Bon Bon looked to the side. "Hmm...you know the times, you know me, I guess you can run the counter if you really want." she pulled a small paper note out from under the counter and held it for me. "Prices, it's mostly by the pound."

I looked it over and set it on the counter. "Easy enough." I went to work and idly sorted things, swept up, and made myself as useful as possible as the day progressed. The hours melted by as I did my best to work as quickly and as quietly as possible.

Bon Bon caught me as I was moving from the storefront to the kitchen. "Ryan, counter time?"

I tucked the rag I had in my back pocket and nodded. I went behind the counter and tended to the ponies who were browsing. A butter yellow mare walked up to the counter. "Hi there, candied apple?"

I ducked behind the counter and found one of the sticky treats and handed it over. The mare quickly tossed the appriate bits over and started walking away. "Seven...eight...ten...twelve- twelve!? Hey miss." I hurried out the door and caught the mare in the street. "Wrong change, here." I tucked the bits in her bag and ran back.

"Oh wow, thanks!" she smiled wide as I backed into the shop. 

Things were quiet as I walked back inside, I spotted a filly chewing and walked over to her. Watching her reach into a bin and pull out a singular piece and stuff it in her mouth. I let out a rough cough, startling her and making her spin around. She got bright red and started ducking down. "Sorry...."

I shook my head, it was hard to be mad at such a young girl. "Go on get...." I scooted her out the door with my foot and went back to the counter, taking care of a few ponies and letting things simmer down. The rest of the day went slow, I minded the counter while Bon Bon did continued to do whatever she was doing.

I watched as a final pony popped in, Rainbow Dash in a trench coat and a mustache. She sauntered over to the counter and adjusted her mustache. "Why hellooo there. I need some...candy."

I couldn't give a more cynical look to her if I tried. "Well...you're at the right place. Did you have a preference?"

Dash was just staring at me, watching my every move. I snapped my fingers in front of her. "Wha huh!? Oh uh...yes, I need...candy."

I rubbed my forehead and leaned against the counter. "You already said that."

Dash once again didn't answer, instead just staring at me with a dumb look half covered by her mustache. "Yes...candy...."

"Rainbow Dash...." she perked up and smiled wide. "Get out."

Her mustache fell off, fluttering to the floor. She looked livid and hurt, making me more than a bit worried about my safety. "Just come hang out with me, come on, just for a little bit."

I shook my head and made a passive look. "Nope."

"Yes!"

"Uh uh."

"Please?"

"No ma'am."

Bon Bon peeked into the room. "Ryan, you got this?"

"I think so. Now Dash...out." I hopped the counter and started walking her out. "Go, get, andele!"

"But I-"

"Nope, work now. Hire me again if you really want." I slid her out the door and closed up. She pressed her hooves against the glass and slid down as I walked towards the kitchen. "Bon Bon, we done for the day?" I found her working with the sugar vats. "Bon Bon we done?"

She turned around keeping her hooves busy boiling sugar water. "Yeah, you did everything I can think of today. Good work by the way, I don't think the shops been this clean in years."

I flicked my fingers off my brow. "Happy to help." I walked out and started heading home. Dash trotted out from behind a bush and trotted beside me.

"Hey there...so where we going?"

I let out a long sigh. "Dash...I'll call the guard."

Dash slowly listed closer to me. "So your house?"

I stopped and turned on my heel. "You know what, okay, fine, drinks. Nothing else." I charged down the street and started walking towards a bar. I threw the doors open and headed towards the bar. I slid into a bar stool and flagged down the bartender. "Berry, hey. Little bit of hard cider please."

Berry nodded and brought the mug over, Dash jumped up and sat with me, leaning as far towards me as she could without falling off the stool. Berry watched her nervously. "One for her too?"

I fished the bits out and handed them over. "For her? No, I'm not buying drinks tonight." I took the mug in my hand and started drinking.

Berry gave Dash a slightly sympathetic frown. "Did you want anything Rainbow Dash?" Dash ignored her and continued to try and lean into me. "I guess not." Berry wandered off to the other side of the bar.

I finished my drink immediately. "Dash...you need to stop this."

"Just hold on...I can-"

I was starting to get annoyed. I picked her up and scooted to the side of my stool, letting her sit with me and lean against my chest. "Rainbow Dash, you listening?" she let out a soft hum. "Great. Now you need to stop this, you can't follow me around town."

"Well then just hang out with me, that's all I want."

"Lies!" I slammed the counter with my mug. "Don't lie to me...."

"I'm not!" Dash nuzzled my chest. "I'm really not.... Please, just hang out with me on the weekend, all day. Then I'll leave you alone if you want!"

I stood up and moved to the edge of the bar. "Fuuu- fine. Sunday, knock or something." I flagged down Berry. "Something heavy, I just need to get hammerd fast." 

Berry had a worried look as she poured a small amount of absinthe into my mug. "Careful Ryan...."

I slammed the horrid drink and set the mug down. "Make- oh shit...make a...fuu-uuuck. Tab, make a tab." I stumbled to the door and made it to the street. I lurched down the street for nearly an hour before winding up in the park.

Unsure of how I got there I waited until I was sober enough to walk, and headed home. I slammed into the fence and tossed my body over it, landing in Cranky's garden and passing out.
> Nuts
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I woke up extremely early. I jumped down from my loft, landing with a heavy thud and making the building rock.	

I stumbled around my house, making my way sloppily into the bathroom. I grabbed hold of the sink and looked up. "Oh Jesus...." I looked like I did back in Jersey, greasy, disheveled, gross. "I wonder if I can...ey, eyy you want me ta break ya face!? Oh god I can...." I started laughing as I went over more lines in my head. I pulled my greasy hair back and watched in the mirror as I turned from greasy Jersey punk to mafia thug. "Ey guinea, you gonna start shit with my boys? Ey Tony-" I started laughing hard, unable to finish my stupid impression. "Fucking Tony- fuckin Tony. Jesus...I sound like Joe Pesci. Stoopid"

I washed my face as I tried to stop laughing. Once I had regained my composure I jumped in the shower. A quick wash later and my Jerseyness melted down the drain. "Fucking Jersey...such a shit hole." I remembered the one time I bothered to go to the boardwalk, I was nearly thrown over the edge by a guido. "...Fuck New York...." I tossed my towel aside and went to get dressed.

I barely managed to pull my shoes on when a loud knock started breaking my tranquil morning. "It's open!" I yelled, quickly stopping the pounding as Rainbow Dash walked inside. "Oh...is it Sunday...huh."

"Yes it's Sunday, you ready to go?" Dash paced in front of me as I tied my shoes. "Come on, hurry hurry hurry!"

I stared at her and slowly tied my shoes, fixing my cuff to perfection before moving on. "I'm sorry...I like to take my time...make sure everything's perfect." I pulled my laces tight and fixed my cuff. "There. Now mind if I ask what exactly you have planned?"

Dash trotted circles around me as I walked outside and locked my door. "Nothing big, I said I'd be cool, and I'm being cool."

I watched her trot around me, circling me like a shark. "Really? Cause you're not acting very cool."

Dash twitched a little and stopped. "Look...I like you, I don't know why, but I do. Now I have a basket full of food, a blanket...and...a...girly, attitude...."

I let out a strange stifled snicker, "Girly? You're about as girly as a cowboy boot."

Dash glared at me, "We gonna go out or are we just gonna stand here?"

I shrugged and started walking towards the road, Dash trotting along beside me with her flank pressed against my thigh. "So, what's the plan?"

Dash just pranced happily next to me, rubbing against my side and humming. "Huh? Oh, breakfast!"

I lead Dash out of Cranky's property and onto the main road. The sun was slowly rising, revealing the town and burning away the shadows. Dash trotted on ahead, taking a sharp turn up a grassy hill.

I followed slowly after her, tussling my hair to avoid an overly greasy look. I trailed after Dash, slowly catching up as she reached the top of the hill and started laying out a blanket. "A picnic...really?"

She spun around, patting the blanket flat. "What...it's nice. Now sit."

I scratched the back of my head and slowly took a seat on the edge of the blanket. "Alright now--" I was cut off as Dash walked onto my lap and curled up. She seated herself against my lap and let out a pleased coo. "...Happy?"

Dash just nuzzled my knee, "Very." She pawed at my hands, grabbing one and dragging it over her side. "...Ryan...."

I let out a small huff and slowly stroked her side, digging in slightly and making her purr gently. I just stared out over the brightening town, ponies dotting the landscape in growing herds. "Hmm, this is nice."

Rainbow Dash just mumbled as I dragged my hand from her neck to her flank, "See...I told...you." She rolled onto her back, presenting her belly to me. " There's cookies in the basket...."

I pulled the basket she brought over, opening it up and looked through it. "Geez, you went all out." The basket was absolutely brimming with snacks and sandwiches. I pulled out a plate of wrapped cookies and set them down on Dash's gut. "What are they?"

"Good." Dash grabbed the plate and ripped the wrapping away. She yanked a few cookies out, shoving a few in her mouth and laying her head back. "Soo gud...."

I watched her eat, caving and grabbing a cookie, "These smell kinda...funky."

Dash looked up at me, glaring angrily, "You seriously don't trust me?"

"Ehhhh, not really." I looked the cookie over, it looked fine. "Well...if you did drug me...I guess...--" I felt my stomach twist, letting out a horrid gurgle. "Fine...geez." I tossed a cookie into my mouth, chewing it and spotting the issue immediately. "Oh shit!"

I bolted upright, throwing dash off and into the grass, "Fuck! Hospital!"

Dash jumped to her hooves, "Hospital!?"

I could feel my throat start to close up, "Peanuts! Fucking-- peanuts...," I croaked, my voice growing extremely scratchy as my throat swelled, "Fuck...help...." I fell to the ground, clutching my throat as Dash started panicking.

"Oh dear Celestia, no no no!" She bolted off, leaving me writhing atop the hill. A loud bang and a flash of rainbow light saw her off, leaving me to try and keep from suffocating. My vision started to get teary as my flesh swelled.

My skin itched like mad as I gasped for air, my mind going hazy as I struggled to pull air past my swollen throat. I felt like I was dying, surrounded by good intentions and cookies. I let my arms fall to my sides as my vision started to blur.

"Hey! No you don't!" Dash's face loomed over my body, an epipen finding its way into her mouth. She looked down at my with determination as she backed up and drove the injector into my thigh.

I felt my throat stop swelling, a rush of air filling my lungs, "Huuuuuuuuuuuah! Holy shit...." I snapped upright, feeling my puffy face ease to a manageable degree. "Sweet shit...."

Rainbow Dash grabbed me by the collar, "Are you okay!? Tell me you're okay!"

I pushed her away, gaining some room to breath, "I'm not fucking alright!" I snapped, scrambling away from here. "God damn...you just--" I stopped myself before I could yell at her. "...Look...you didn't know...but I need to go to the hospital."

I stood up and started stumbling down the hill. Rainbow Dash followed me down, "So you're not mad!?"

I took a deep breath, clutching my throat as I chugged along, "No...."

Dash looked up at me with a pair of bright pleading eyes, "Can we try again!?"

I could feel my anger slowly bubbling up inside of me, "Not right now!"

"But--"

"Fucking Rainbow stop!" I snapped, "Hospital!"

Rainbow Dash backed off, "Okay...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

I rubbed my throat as I tried to calm down. "Stop being sorry.... I didn't think about it, it's my fault. But right now is not the time to fucking bug me!" I rubbed my head and turned back to the road, "You'll find me...on a better day...." I picked up my pace and charged towards the hospital. Rainbow Dash trailed behind me, not saying anything and watching me walk.

I allowed it until reaching the hospital doors, my throat begining to swell again. I turned before Rainbow Dash could enter, "Dash...go home."

She looked up at me with a horrid grimace, "But it's my fault...let me fix it!"

I rubbed my throat and crouched down to her, "You did...I would have died if you didn't bring that thing...but right now.... Hospital." I gave her a quick hug, holding her head against my shoulder, "You tried...and that's what--" I stopped talking as my throat started to itch. I stood up and pointed my thumb back towards the hospital.

I walked inside, leaving Dash sitting sadly in front of the hospital. I charged to the counter, getting spotted immediately and taken off to an empty room.

A pony in a coat trotted over with a few pills and a needle. She set them down and looked me over, "Yep.... A lot of allergies this time of the year." She scooped up the pills with her wings and held them for me, "Hold these."

I did, quickly taking a needle to the arm and feeling my throat clear up. "God damn it...." I grumbled, feeling the needle yanked from my arm. "You could be a little gentle ya know."

The mare cocked her head, showing me a rather annoyed glare, "Sir...take those, and we'll keep you for a few hours until you're cleared up." She turned to the counter in the room and went about sorting papers, "So what was it?"

I swallowed the pills she'd given me, "Peanuts."

"Alright...auto injector?"

"Yes."

The mare turned to me with a clipboard in her wings, "Alright...well how are you feeling now?"

"Itchy."

The mare hummed, nodding and scribbling with a pen in her mouth, "Well...there's not much else I can do. There's a TV in the waiting room if you get bored, aside from that...we just have to wait."

I let out a defeated sigh, "Of course...." I stood up and followed the mare. "So...how long am I gonna be here?"

The mare shrugged. "Depends on if you go into shock again. Could be a few hours, could be overnight."

I let out an angry huff and resigned myself to my doom. "Well...hope it was worth it Dash...."
> Sweets
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I walked to work, stretching my arms as I went. "Don't ya..nu nu nu nu...dooo doo, da...." I mumbled to myself as the sun rose in the distance. The dull grey morning slowly melting away into a lovely morning. I strolled to Bon Bon's shop, pushing against the door and bouncing off. "Uh...." I pressed my hands against the window, "Bon Bon...hello?"

Things inside were dead quiet, "Anybody...?" Things remained still, leaving me standing against the window. Little by little the sun grew higher and brighter, time passing slowly as I waited for Bon Bon.

"Ryan." Bon Bon's voice broke the silence, causing me to jerk forward and bop myself against the window.

"Jesus!"

Bon Bon put a hoof on my leg, "Ryan...what the buck?"

I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "Snuck up on me...."

Bon Bon cocked her head, "How long have you been waiting here?"

"I left at six, so, a few minutes."

Bon Bon gave me a sympathetic look. "We don't open until eight...and we--"

"Yeah but I wanted to get inside and make sure everything was cleaned up and ready to go." I explained, accidentally cutting her off, "I'm sorry, that was rude."

Bon Bon just lowered her head and walked to the front door. "That's great...but you-- We really need to talk."

"Alright, about what?" I asked, walking inside the cool candy store. "What's going on?"

Bon Bon stood before me, "Ryan...your contract's gone."

I froze, "What!?"

Bon Bon nodded, "Maybe you didn't hear yet, but Hellas went under. You're not working here anymore."

I just let my hands fall to my side, "Are you--"

"That said! I'm sure we could work something out. Find you something to do, get you rehired." Bon Bon smiled warmly, "I wasn't sure about you, but you...you seem like a good guy."

I let out a loud sigh of relief. "Bon Bon, thank you."

She blushed a little, swinging her head left and right, "Eeeh, don't thank me. You got here two hours early, how could I fire someone like that?" She covered her mouth and let out a short huff. "So...I guess...we should get started?"

I nodded, moving behind the counter and finding a few rags and some cleaner. "Just let me clean up first." I moved to the two front windows, cleaning them spotless and wiping down the door. With my smudges cleaned I rushed back inside, wiping down the jars and bins.

"Ryan...you know you it doesn't have to be spotless, right?" Bon Bon asked, stepping between me and the wall of bins.

I shrugged, "There's no reason it can't be."

Bon Bon scratched her head, "I guess not. Hey...can I ask you something?"

I resumed my cleaning of the small spacious shop. "Sure."

Bon Bon looked me up and down, "What do you do for fun?"

I went bolt stiff at her question, "I uh.... Stuff."

"What stuff?"

I scratched my head, "Like...books, TV--"

"Nothing outdoors?"

I shook my head, "I guess not."

Bon Bon nodded, "Mmmhmm, I could tell." She trotted victoriously behind the counter and into the production room, "Come here!"

I let out a soft groan and hurried after her, "So, what did you need?"

Bon Bon was standing at a long table, rows of molds and assorted metal tools laying about, "Making some chocolates, should be fun with some help." She trotted over to a large tank and started tossing cooking grade chocolate into the vat. "Just let me melt this...and we can...get to work." she jammed a button, turning on the vat.

I just stood there, stretching out. "So...do you order your stock, or is it all ha- hoof made?"

Bon Bon walked over to me, "Little of both. I can't really make my whole stock, but most of it is! And taffy week is always fun." She propped herself up on two legs, resting on the table with her foreleg, "So...Ryan, I have an idea...and...this might be my old room mate talking, but we should go grab dinner when work is over."

I let out a short cough, "Whoa, what? Did you just ask me out?" I asked with a  laugh.

"Maybe I did, what of it? You don't have anypony...do you?"

I thought back to Rainbow Dash for a brief moment. "Not...officially.... But hey, it sounds like fun!"

Bon Bon let out a quick huff, "That pause...that scared me." She fixed her mane and dropped to all fours, "Alright, so we'll have to close up shop early today."

I chuckled lightly, heading over to the sink and washing up, "Are you serious?"

Bon Bon scoffed, "The shop is closed anyways, Sundays are always production days." A loud buzzer went off. "So everything's nice and fresh on Monday." She put a bag onto a small nozzle at the base of the tank and pressed a button. "Careful...careful Bon Bon."

The plastic bag quickly flooded with a disturbingly brown liquid. She waited until it was decently full and wrapped the bag up with her hoof and mouth, "Got it, catch." She swung the bag, tossing it to me. It was rather hot, but I suffered through and found a pair of scissors.

"So just fill these molds?" I asked, snipping a corner of the bag and pinching it.

Bon Bon nodded, "Hold on though, let me-- just wait a second." I complied, finding a tray of frozen peanut butter balls placed next to me. Bon Bon nodded to me, "Just give it a light coat, just enough to cover--"

"Bonbons.... This...seems appropriate." I laid a small base into each of the molds, plopping a ball into each of them and coating them in chocolate. Little by little a tray of thirty two bonbons sat happy in their molds.

"Wooow, good work." Bon Bon walked over, "You learn that in Jersey?"

"Ha, no damn--" I turned to her with a concerned expression, "How do you know I was from Jersey?"

Bon Bon flicked her ear. "It was in your contract. Your age, your height, weight, all sorts of stuff!"

"Oh.... That's still a little creepy." I pushed the Tray aside as Bon Bon pushed a lump of thick sugary goo onto the table, "What's next?"

"Next? Next we play with sticky sugar paste." Bon Bon pressed her hooves against the loaf, laying it in a flat square and trying to roll it, "I- come on-- This is the worst par--"

I bumped her out of the way with my hip and rolled the sheet of doughy sugar. "Like a tube?"

Bon Bon pouted adorably, "Yes.... But leave a space for a stripe, I'll go get it." She wandered off while I kneaded the large roll of sugar. She reappeared, planting a large stripe of red into the white loaf of candy dough. "There, now just keep rolling it. Once it's all nice and smooth just taper it off and cut it into strips."

I nodded, watching as Bon Bon slammed another roll onto the table and replicating, with a bit of difficulty, my technique. Little by little, minute by minute the dough took on a beautiful look, "That's good, go ahead and make a few sticks."

I pinched an end, dragging the thick paste across the table and copping it with a small knife. They looked like floppy candycanes as I laid them out over the table. Once I had twenty or so I started rolling them into long solid strips, "This is how they make glass I think." I noted to myself.

"It's pretty- similar." Bon Bon let out a short huff as she caught up, "Alright-- oh come on! I've been doing this for three years, how are you--"

I waggled my fingers before her. "Magic touch."

Bon Bon huffed, "I'll show you a magic touch."

"Hey now." I finished up with the solidified candy rods, "Anyways, now what?"

Bon Bon thrust a hoof towards my knife, "Chop them into little bits and put them in a tray."

I looked to my right, finding a small glass tray. I took my knife, slowly chipping the rod of solid sugar into twenty bite sized lumps. "Oh, wonderful." I picked up one of the small treats and held it in my palm.

"Let me see?" Bon Bon grabbed my hand, looking over the candy and mumbling. She pressed her lips against my palm, flicking her tongue against my skin as she scooped up the candy. She chomped it, releasing a pleased, mmmm as she smiled. "Alright, you got it."

I just looked at my damp palm. "Couldn't you just have...oh I don't know, taken it?"

Bon Bon licked her lips, "Yeah, but you taste like sugar." she stuck her tongue out and went back to work.

I rolled my eyes and went to wash my hands again. As I did a soft tapping drew my attention to the window. "What the-- Dash!?"

"Hi!" Dash waved from the window, "Hi there!"

I finished washing my hands and went to the window, "Rainbow Dash, I'm working!" I whispered angrily, "Go home!"

Dash flattened her ears, "I just wanted to say hi...see if you wanted--"

Bon Bon came from behind me, pushing me aside, "He's got a date Rainbow Dash."

"What!? With who!?"

I walked away as Bon Bon started yelling. "With me! Now get off my...."

I went back to working, creating sticks and chopping them into bits. The two mares intensified their shouting match. "Doo do do...do--" A loud thud rang out from the window.

"I don't bucking care! He's mine you whore!"

"Shut your fucking mouth you rainbow maned dumbass!"

"Moves like mmnnna...." I drowned out the noise and just filled tray after tray with red striped candies. I popped one into my mouth, enjoying the apply taste. Bon Bon returned as I reached a quarter done. "Bon Bon...."

"What's her deal with you!?"

I rubbed my face with my shoulder, "We got drunk, had a stupid night in a hotel room." I shook my head, "I make poor choices when drunk."

"Pfff, that's not a poor choice. That's just a mistake."

"Hey, ease off. She's just...really clingy." I chopped up another string of candy, "Really...really clingy."

Bon Bon just kept working, angrily kneading the sugar. "It just makes me mad! It's just like my roommate, she started going crazy, stalking humans, all for some weird fetish or something!" She slammed her hooves against the table, "Do you have a roommate?"

"I live in a rented shed I converted into a loft."

Bon Bon stopped dead, "A shed? You live in a shed?!"

"Mmmhmm, when I got here I was broke as shit. I'm still broke as shit." I chuckled, "It's not that bad though. My land lord's nice."

"Well buck.... I--"

"Thanks, I can see where this is going." I finished up with nearly half the roll, churning out candy like a mad man, "I'll think about it. I've been wanting to move somewhere bigger for a while."

Bon Bon laughed, "Well you'd be doing me a favor too. I've been eating into my savings for a month."

Things got quiet, I took advantage and finished up with the candy in record time. I stepped back, looking at my piles of candy compared to Bon Bon's. She just puffed her cheeks out, "That's fine. Now I can stop stroking your ego." she did her best to hurry, finishing up after an extra thirty minutes.

Bon Bon bumped me with her flank. "Proud of yourself? Making me look all slow."

I shrugged cheekily, "You're not slow. I'm just fast."

Bon Bon nodded dismissively, "Sure. Well...I don't think we're gonna go out tonight." Bon Bon felt her mane. "All sticky."

I felt my tacky fingers, poking them together and looking down to her, "Well...I'm free if you've got any other ideas."

Bon Bon shook her head, "Not today. But keep my offer in mind. Even if we don't end up...you know.... It would still be nice to have a roommate I get along with, not some random weirdo."

I rubbed my chin, the stickiness clinging to my stubble. "Well how much are you--"

"Ryan, I'm paying you--"

"Right, right...so...wait- am I the reason you're going broke!?"

Bon Bon shrugged, "Maybe. But you just made twice as much as I could, so we can sell twice as much!" She walked up to me, "So just remember, it's an option. ...And...since I kinda cheated you out of a date." She lifted my right hand with her hoof, taking my middle finger into mouth and sucking the sugary residue off it.

I grew slightly flustered as she pulled her head back, dragging her tongue along the length and letting out a pleased moan. "Geez...a little forward."

Bon Bon licked her lips, "A little. But you're covered in candy and I think I've made my position clear." She turned to the door, "You've lived here long enough to know," She pressed her flank against the door frame, holding it open for me, "A pony sees something they like, they're gonna let you know."

I started chuckling as I walked past her, "Then why are you so hard on Rainbow Dash?"

Bon Bon shuffed around, "Cause she's a stalker! I just...making sure you...you know...." She rubbed herself against my side, "I find you...attractive...and...am looking forward to spending more time with you."

I pressed my hand against her flank, holding her between my hand and my thigh and rubbing her cutiemark, "Well it's gonna be fun then."

Bon Bon wiggled free, flicking her tail and trotting off, "See you later Jersey boy."

"Jersey boy?" I chuckled to myself, walking towards home. My walk went by quickly the sun just starting to fall from high noon. The quiet town going about its day, a calm feeling hanging in the air on the warm spring afternoon. I walked towards Cranky's house, stopping half way as a familiar voice cried from my left.

"Ryan!" Ditzy ran over, sliding next to me and smiling wide. "Mail." She craned her head back, grabbing a bundle of letters and handing them to me.

"Thanks Ditzy."

She smiled wide, "Hug?"

I looked at my hands. "I can't...I'm all sticky and I don't want to screw up your jacket."

Ditzy frowned hard, "Well...alr--"

"Hey!" I stopped her, "Ditzy...you've known me a while.... Should I.... A mare asked me to move in with her. Not like, romantically, but roommates."

She let out a pleased squeal, "Who!?"

"No one! Look, point is. You think I should?"

Ditzy brought her hoof to her ear, "Depends, do you like them?"

"I can't say I don't."

Ditzy smiled wide, "Well then you should at least give it a try!"

I smiled to her, "Thanks. Oh, and how's Time?"

"Great! Everypony's great! But I gotta go, mail, you know how it is." She laughed joyfully and took off.

I looked down at the bundle of letters, the first one in the stack from Hellas.

Dear Mr. Bowen...Hellas has decided to liquidate your contract...compensation.

I flipped through the letters, slowly walking towards my loft. 

Class action lawsuit...fraud...five thousand dollars should you wish to accept.

My eyes went wide as I saw the number. I walked balls first into a short fence post. "-Mother--" I leaned against the post, dropping my mail and slumping down. I just fell to my knees, sitting there and finding the letter again. Hellas was being sued, and any of the two-hundred that were let go were being compensated. "Yay...I've got money...and pain...." I groaned, rubbing my boys.

I let out a small huff as I sorted myself out, "Small victories...."
> Stepping Forward (And Tripping)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I sat around the shop, helping close up after a long days work. 

Life had been rather average, the world going on as expected as I worked to get the money from the lawsuit. After nearly a month of candy, paperwork, and an occasional stalking from Rainbow Dash, I was finally sorted out and ready to go.

My relationship with Bon Bon was moving slow, most of my time spent between working and filing things with the notary at town hall. She'd been trying to schedule things, trying to set up dates, but between sudden ambushes by Rainbow Dash, a full schedule due to a few candy selling contracts, and a massive workload just to stay aloft were taking priority.

But for now, I was sitting on a counter, talking with Bon Bon, "...Yeah, it's only around four and a half when converted to bits...so, not amazing, but still pretty cool." I stated, looking around the shop, "So I figure...you didn't get a settlement...and you--"

Bon Bon rushed past with a broom wrapped up in her tail, "Ryan that's great but I really need--"

I cut her off, sticking my hand out and catching the broom handle as she passed, "I was going to say, I was thinking about putting some of the money back into the shop." I hopped off the counter and started cleaning up a small pile of dust, "I figure--"

Bon Bon fell to her rump with an aggravated groan, "Ryaaan, stop! Stop doing everything!"

I stopped sweeping, "...Alright...I was--"

Bon Bon stuck her hoof out, "Look...I just need something to take my mind off things, mindless cleaning is just...it helps."

I set the broom down and leaned against a candy display, "Alright...no more cleaning." Bon Bon yanked the broom away with her tail and started sweeping angrily. "...You gonna tell me what's wro--"

"My rent just went up alright!" she yelped, throwing the broom down hard, "I just- I'm making more money, which is great, but then my rent goes up and just eats it up!" She started throwing a small tantrum, hopping around and stomping her hooves, "It's not freaking fair! Everything goes right, everything starts to get back to normal- then- then some stupid ass just--"

I let her continue, slowly walking over to her and ducking down next to her, "Just gonna...." I held my arms around her, slowly closing them around her, "...Just...hug it out...."

Bon Bon continued to shout as I pulled her sideways body against me, "...And those bucki- no, fucking, fucking assholes just- they just-" she started to slow down, leaning against me as I rubbed her side, "-no idea how hard it is...trying to run an independent shop. They just...everything's so complicated now...since you monkeys showed up...."

I patted her side as her curls and bobs pressed against my chest, "That's vaguely racist.... You wanna talk about it?"

Bon Bon just let out a long sigh, "I'm tired...."

I let her go and looked at my watch, "It's not that late...you want me to--"

Bon Bon turned to me with a straight face, "Move in." she nodded dutifully, "I want you to move in, we can split the rent...spend some time to--"

I shrugged, "Eh, why not. You pay me enough now."

"...And I just- wait...yes?" she asked, shaking her head, "That's it!?"

I scratched the back of my head, "I was thinking about it. Moving into an actual house sounds nice, and we're...are we dating?"

Bon Bon puffed out her cheeks and glared at me, "We've been trying!"

"Busy...I know," I grumbled, rubbing my chin, "Well...yeah, I don't see why not. I can't spend the money I'm making anywhere, cause I can't store it. I've got no car...the towns so small I'd never need one, I've got no room for furniture, and they never hooked up the loft to cable company. So...sure."

Bon Bon dragged her hoof over her face, "...I just- you're staying the night tonight, okay?"

I shrugged, "Fine, but you gonna make dinner?"

Bon Bon took a deeply shaken breath, "Look...just...take care of whatever you need, just show up." she trotted out the door, the bell jingling as it slowly shut behind her. I was left to the now empty shop.

I finished up cleaning, lingering around the sweet smelling shop before heading back and turning off the lights. I started moving back to the front, stopping dead as I spotted a familiar face, crying in the middle of the room. "Um...Rainbow Dash?" I asked, carefully walking towards her, "Rainbow Dash--"

"Ryan...here...." She slid a small box over the hardwood floor of the shop, the box tapping against my shoe. "I just...it's been long enough I think...three months?"

I swallowed hard as I ducked down and plucked the box from the floor, "Rainbow Dash...what is this?" I looked over the box, popping it open and finding an engagement ring. I froze in place, any and all words failing to encapsulate my emotions. A bitter mix of fear, guilt, and sorrow swirled in my gut as the Rainbow maned mare looked up with a smile.

"So...I mean.... Yeah--"

I started shaking my head, a pitiful look on my face, "Rainbow...no...." I closed up the box and walked over to her, "Rainbow Dash, I can't. We're not- I'm not--" I stopped myself, ducking down to meet her eye to eye, Rainbow Dash already lowering her head, "I'm not in love with you...."

Rainbow Dash locked up, going dead stiff as I tried to lift her head by her chin, "But...you...we...."

I put my hand on the top of her head, gently running my hand through her mane, "Rainbow Dash...it was one night...one drunken mistake nearly two months ago...you need to--"

Rainbow Dash swung her head up in a flash, "It wasn't just some mistake to me!" she screamed, stomping her hooves and staring into my eyes with a deep, angry fire, "It wasn't some stupid night to me!"

I had recoiled back a bit, holding my hands off of her, "Jesus, Rainbow Dash what's wrong?"

She was visibly shaking, the once brash and powerful pegasus now frail and hurt, "Ryan...please...please say yes...."

I donned as sympathetic a frown as possible and held her by her cheeks, "Rainbow Dash...you have to move on...it's not gonna--"

"Then why'd you do it!? If you didn't love me, then why'd you do it!?" she screamed in my face, "It's supposed to be special! It's not just--"

"I was drunk!" I yelled, throwing a bit of force back against her, "I was drunk and stupid...but it was just--"

"It wasn't a mistake! My first time isn't going to be a bucking mistake!" she screamed, thrusting her head out and slamming into my chest, "You were my first...you don't...you don't get to just walk away."

I tentatively brought my arms around her neck, gently pulling her against me, "Rainbow Dash...you need to move on...I- I didn't know...and I'm so sorry...." I ran my fingers up and down her neck, cradling the back of her head, "I really am sorry...but I don't...I don't love you."

Rainbow Dash took a few moments of calm, slowly gathering up some unseen force before melt down. She jammed her head against my chest, sobbing openly in the middle of Bon Bon's shop. Howls of anguish cut out over her usually raspy voice, small squeals creeping out as she threw her hooves around my chest. I cradled her head, looking out the window as she broke down in my arms.

Not once did I ever think this powerful mare would ever break down this badly. I'd heard stories about her facing down dragons, racing at super sonic speeds, and squealing like a filly around the Wonder Bolts, but now she sat pressed against my chest, crying like a hurt child.

And as sympathetic as I was, I couldn't deal with this. Trying to would only find myself lost to two mares, and I wasn't ready to lose my chance with Bon Bon, or get trapped in a fake relationship with an emotionally crippled pegasus. Luckily I knew one person who could help, one person I trusted to watch over her.

I scooped her up, tucking her back legs over my shoulder and letting her forelegs wrap around my neck. I cradled her rear and slowly started to lock up the show and head towards the edge of town. Rainbow Dash had settled down slightly, sobbing gently into my shoulder and curling around my right arm. The dull spring night was slowly growing more and more damp as the weather ponies on duty set up for a small shower.

I hurried through town, a few passersby watching me for a moment before scurrying away and leaving me to carry Rainbow Dash towards the edge of time. It was horribly quiet, suddenly cut by a soft patter as the rain started. I picked up my pace, jogging through the rural town and out of the main road. From the damp cobblestone I found my way onto a well trodden dirt path. Little by little I walked towards the eastern half of the town, and on the end of the road a cottage was slowly illuminating.

I hurried to the small cottage door, knocking feverishly and trying to summon the best pony I knew. After a few moments of nothing I balled up my fist, nearly slamming it into the door, stopping seconds short as the door swung open. Fluttershy stood before me, wings stretching out before folding away.

"Oh...no...." she mumbled, obviously spotting the bright Rainbow Girl in my arms. "What happened?"

I knelt down, setting Rainbow Dash's flank on the porch, "Fluttershy...I need you to keep her safe...she's...going through something rough...."

Fluttershy clammed up, "Is this about after Winter Wrap-up?"

I let out a defeated sigh, "I didn't know you knew about that...but yes...."

Fluttershy stepped out into the rain, flaring her wings out and covering Rainbow Dash. "Ryan...you should go...I'll take care of this."

I took a deep breath, running my hands along Rainbow's mane and gently prying her hooves off, "Thank you...I really mean it...." I set Rainbow's hooves on the ground, slowly backing away, "Should I check on you later?"

Fluttershy looked up at me with a worried look, wrapping her wings around Rainbow Dash, "Ryan...you need to stay away for a while.... I'm sorry...."

I took a deep breath, hearing those words from such a sweet mare was like being clubbed by a baton. "I uh- yeah...I understand." I almost brushed Rainbow Dash's mane, deciding not to halfway and turning to the road. "I'm...sorry. I really am."

I turned to the town, a massive amount of guilt growing in the pit of my stomach. It felt like a tumor, eating away at my insides. I knew there was only so much I could do, but being told to stay away from the sweetest person I knew, it hurt.

Now I was left to a shame filled walk through the rain. I didn't bother heading home, despite everything that happened, despite the fact Bon Bon wouldn't be getting what she wanted. In honesty she was as subtle as a freight train, but it was cute, not like some of the perverts I dated back in Canterlot.

She wanted a night, but I couldn't. Even as I spotted her home, dim lights flickering in the windows, I wasn't in any shape to try. My gut was full of self doubt and shame, the perfect cocktail for impotence. I could only try to explain things, trying and make her understand.

But my horribly wet walk over to her home was fitting, ice cold when compared to the mild spring night. I simply meandered around, slowly making my way over to Bon Bon's. Even when I reached the dimly lit home, knocking twice and stepping back. A soft patter came from inside, followed by the sound of a deadbolt sliding into position, "Finally, Ryan, I was--" Bon Bon appeared in the door, stunned, "Dear Celestia, you're soaked! What the hay happened to you!?" she screamed, staring up at me, "What the buck are you doing!? Get the buck inside you dumb ass!"

I ran my hand over my scalp, ringing out as much water as I could from my extremely dense hair. "I uh...things...happened...." I stepped inside, taking my shoes off immediately. "I'm gonna...just--" I was cut off as Bon Bon came racing over with a towel, "Pink...." I took the towel and started doing what I could.

Bon Bon just paced in a small circle before me, "I can't believe you, you do realize it rains on a schedule, and you had about a half an hour to get an umbrella, right!?"

I finished up, setting the towel atop my shoes, "I know...but something came up...something...kinda traumatic."

Bon Bon cocked her head, "What, did someone die?"

I rubbed my head and fell to the floor, my back was pressed against the door as I finally let myself fall. "...I just...Rainbow Dash...." I rubbed my face while Bon Bon sat next to me, "She uh...proposed, in the middle of the shop."

Bon Bon just groaned, "Of course she did.... This is why I don't like pegasai, they're really weird about sex. Really...clingy," she waggled her right hoof before me, "I mean...I hope I'm not sounding cold...but they shut down, they just...." She caught her breath, "I can handle a break up, unicorns are...they're usually pretty good about it, but pegasai are really, really weird."

I rubbed my head, "You know...I thought I'd get some sympathy from you...."

"Why!? It's not your fault she's crazy, it's not your fault all of them have commitment issues!" Bon Bon stepped onto my knees and looked me eye to eye, "Why should you feel bad for something that happened two months ago? I mean...it was two months ago...right?"

I cocked my head, staring at Bon Bon with a betrayed look, "Really?"

She looked off to the side and let out a weak and nervous laugh, "...Well...I mean, you said she was following you...."

"I wouldn't cheat on you."

Bon Bon nodded, "Better not- but...I was unaware we were dating t--"

I shook my hand before her, "Look...let's not play games...it's been about a month and a half since you let me keep my job, and not gonna pretend you would have if--"

"Whoa hey!" Bon Bon bopped me in the gut, "You are a good worker, that's why you kept your job! You're here because...well...I like you."

I laughed weakly, "That's...nice...." I looked over Bon Bon's softly smiling face, "Are you...is that- lipstick?"

Bon Bon grew slightly rosy, "A little...like it?"

I looked at the two toned paint, pink on her top lip, blue on her bottom, matching her mane and tail, "It's...adorable." I reached out, holding my hand to her cheek, "But I don't think...It's not gonna happen tonight."

Bon Bon's expression turned from girly and bashful to annoyed in seconds, "...Is this because of Rainbow Dash? ...Am I getting cock blocked my Rainbow Dash...again?"

I looked off to the side, "Um...sort of? I mean...I can...like...." Bon  Bon pushed off me, turning to the door, "Uh...hello?"

She turned around at the doorway, staring at me with a bothered look, "Welcome to the house...I'm gonna go...mastur- I'm gonna go fuck myself...."

I was left sitting on the floor, damp, my guilt distracted, "I uh, sorry!? ...I'll...I mean...." I scratched my forehead, "God damn it, it's like being drunk...." I got to my feet and looked around, the home was nice, cozy, "So...should I sleep on the couch!?"
> Moving Day
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I helped to load up a cart I rented, my old land lord doing his best to help me move out. The cranky old sod was doing his best, carrying small parcels over and helping to organize. For his physical limitations, he was actually really useful, tactfully showing me where to pack my stuff in the neatest fashion. "Alright...go on...finish up."

I loaded up a final box and looked it over. "Cranky...don't push me." I rubbed the back of my neck and stretched my back, "I'm on the edge of Jersey boy right now." I looked him over, sporting a bit of unease in his steps. "Cranky...sup?"

He looked me over, "Already got someone comin' to replace ya' ...just...kinda--"

I turned to him, smiling warmly, "You gonna be alright?"

Cranky nodded, "Like I said...already got someone else coming to take your place...I don't need ya anymore...."

I finished up securing my stuff and walked up to him. "...Well...it's been fun...."

Cranky looked off towards the outbuilding. "Yep...."

I rubbed the back of my head, looking around nervously. "So like...a hand shake, first bump...what's proper here?"

Cranky just looked off to the side. "Don't worry about it...just go on, get out of here."

I couldn't help but feel a little bad as I picked up the arms of the cart and lifted the mess up. "Well remember, I can do any light construction you want...just give me a call, it'll be on the house."

Cranky started blustering and huffing. "Go get out of here!" He started pushing against my side, forcing me away. "Go- oh...who's this?" Cranky asked, tossing a hoof past me and towards the road.

I swung my head around, spotting Bon Bon trotting towards me. "Oh...hey there!" I lifted the cart up and started precariously carrying the mass behind me. "I said you didn't have to come by, I've got it."

Bon Bon's tail swished about angrily. "Maybe I wanted to come down, maybe I wanted to watch you work."

I cocked my head, "Uh...you sound mad."

Bon Bon let out a bitter huff. "Not angry...just- you're just my room mate now."

I cocked my head even further. "But...you were- wait...are- you were asking me to bed two days ago...."

Bon Bon spun around, starting off towards our new house. "Well now you've gotta work for it. You had your shot, but you decided to go hang out with Rainbow Dash! Now...if you want this-" She swung her hip out, lifting a back leg and stretching it out, "-ooo," she made a quick pout, tossing her head back, "You're gonna have to work for it."

I couldn't help but stare at her, something odd about her face simply refused to release my eye. "Uh...Bon Bon, are you wearing lipstick again?"

She walked backwards, leading me and my cart through the town. She smiled wide, keeping her lips sealed. They were both painted a soft navy to match one of the colors in her mane, with a bright pink tab on the center of her lower lip. "Looks good right?" She closed her eyes and swung around, "Good enough for you to notice."

I rolled my eyes, it was nice by I didn't want her getting an inflated ego. "Sure- uh...Bon Bon...." I tried to get her attention, a confused looking human standing in her backwards path.

She kept on marching backwards, "I never understood why Lyra liked clothes or fancy stuff, I mean she lived in Canterlot so I thought it was just some mountain thing, but I get it now!"

"That's great but there's--"

"I was gonna actually wear a skirt and a shirt, but I knew you were moving and I figured I might help if you were nice so-- oof." Bon Bon ran butt first into the human's legs, "Oh, I'm sor--"

"Ay, lady, I'm standin' here!" The human snapped in a thick Boston accent.

"Aww...fuuuck...." I mumbled, setting down my cart. My inner asshole was threatening to explode out and go full guido. "Hey, asshole, you gonna take a step back?" I asked, raising my voice and falling back into the lazy speech I'd tried to kill off since moving.

The man stuffed a piece of paper into his pocked and glared at me. "Hey, I'm just standin' here and all the sudden some horse bumps my knees! What's it to you?! You got a problem with me!?"

I let out a quick huff, quickly seeing the departure of clear speaking as the east coast surged up in Equestria. "Maybe I do, you gonna make a big deal about it?!"

The Bostoner stepped over to me, "Ya got a stick up your ass about it?" he looked over to Bon Bon, "what, ya givin' it to this horse here!?"

I stepped up to him, fronting and tensing up. "Ay, maybe I am maybe I ain't, you got a problem with that?!"

The man stuffed his hands in his back pockets and leaned back, "What, you gonna fuckin' fight about it?"

"Yeah, maybe I am!"

He pointed his finger at Bon Bon limply, "This little pony gal worth fightin' for?! Worth gettin' ya fuckin' 'ead caved?!"

I took yet another step towards him, getting face to face with the shorter man, "Ya damn right, now you gonna back up or we gonna throw down!?"

The man tilted his chin up, frowing hard and staring at me. "So what yous' is tellin me is, this here thing's worth gettin' into a fight about, just cause yous' an asshole?" He looked between me and Bon Bon, frowning comedically hard and nodding slowly, "Yeah alright," He took a step back and lowered his posture. "Been thinkin' why all these people comin here shackin up with the locals. Figured it had ta' be somethin' like that."

I rubbed my mouth, "Yeah, pretty great...real nice, got a good girl."

The Bostaner nodded firmly, "Ah figured when you were got all in my face. So these ponies worth givin' a shot?"

I rolled my shoulders, eventually settling into a calmer posture, "Ya, ya' fuckin' take 'em out, treat 'em right, show 'em a good time they'll treat ya right!" I was still shouting, stuck trying to match the man's naturally louder tone.

"Hmm, give 'em a shot then...maybe I find me a girl worth fightin' over."

I nodded, "Maybe ya do, maybe ya do...." Things grew quiet as I stood mere inches from the man. I let out a rough cough and clapped my hands together, "So ya gonna just stand there or ya gonna move your dumb ass and tell me where ya goin'!?"

The man frowned once again, looking down the road. "Yeah, lookin' for some ass, some donkey lookin' putz." He pulled out the paper he had and started looking them over.

I leaned in over his shoulder, flicking my thumb across my nose and making an audible scoffed, "Dumb ass, you're takin' my old apartment!"

The man jerked his head up, "Ya fuckin' kiddin' me?!"

"Nah!" I bumped his shoulder, "Go on down that road, take a left and it's the one with the little shack in the back lot!"

The man looked down the road, "That's it!? I've been runin' around like an idiot, standin' here like a dumbass tryin' to figure out this damn map, and it's down the freakin' street!?"

"Yeeeaaah!"

"Shit," the man stuffed the papers back into his pocket and turned to me, "Hey I'm Andy by the way!"

I hadn't noticed him sticking his hand out at gut level. "Uuuh, Ryan." I met his hand, the dry grasp rather rough but truly befitting of the voice and manners. He gave my hand a single powerful shake, signifying him as a person I could probably ask for help."

"Alright then, thanks man." He looked over to my cart, "So the hell is this?!"

I looked back at my stuff. "Aaaah, don't worry. Like I said you're takin' my old place."

Andy looked at me with an annoyed glare, "You movin'? Idiot, how ya gonna move and not ask me for help!?"

I brushed him off, "Cause I don't need some white little towny breakin' his arm cause he can't lift a box! Now get outta here!" I shouted, my accent extremely thick and slurry. "Let a man get some fuckin' work done!"

Andy threw his hands up. "You're the dumb ass not askin' for help with a big ass cartful of crap! I bet you got a bunch a shitty stuff in there anyways!"

I waved goodbye, "Yeah, yeah, get your dumb ass down the street ya asshole." With my horridly Jersey talk done I went back to Bon Bon, turning off the swearing and clearing up my slur in seconds. "Well...that happened, you gonna watch where you're going now?"

She stared at me, eyes wide and body stiff. "Ryan, what was that? Like...you sounded mad the entire time...and I thought you were gonna hit somepony...."

I looked down the road, watching Andy walk off. "Why would I hit him? He didn't take a swing."

Bon Bon folded her ears and rubbed her head. "That was...I don't think I've ever heard you swear...and you just come in swinging wild!"

I scratched my head, confused. "Swinging wild? What cause I was shouting and swearing and stuff?"

Bon Bon Scoffed, "And stuff... Ryan you were up in his face, yelling, calling him an asshole, then you're suddenly friends!?"

I started chuckling, "That wasn't a fight. If I ever fight someone you're not going to understand a thing I say. That was...that actually went better than I thought it would." I picked Bon Bon up and started taking her towards the cart. "And there's a difference between when I call someone an, ahsshoole. And when I call someone an, asshole!"

Bon Bon was obviously confused, sitting atop a bundle of blankets on my cart. "Wait...what? So an asshole is different than an...than...than calling someone an asshole in a funny accent?"

I hoisted the arms of the cart up and started pulling it down the street. "Pretty much. And it ain't my fault the dumbass was lost! He's standin' there in the middle of the fuckin' street like an idiot! And what kinda' prick would I be if I didn't help him out, show him the way and get his stupid ass off the streets!?" I snapped, mockingly digging up my accent. "I mean...I'm nothing if not a Good Samaritan."

Bon Bon groaned loudly, "You know...I was gonna say I understood why Lyra was into humans, but that just tossed all that out the window."

"Well...if you're not interested let me know.... I'm sure I could try dating Rainbo- err...somepony...."

Bon Bon stamped her hoof into the blankets. "Did I say that? I mean...you were just like...you charged that guy when he was yelling at me...I mean...watching you go all mad and yelly at him after being mean to me.... I mean, I felt a tickle down there, got a little excited."

I took a sharp turn onto Bon Bon's street. "Some jackass starts yelling at my girl I'm gonna step up and sort that shit out with prejudice! I mean...I guess you're not my baby girl but--"

Bon Bon let out a quick groan, "You sound so- wait...baby girl?"

I ran my tongue along my teeth, a bit nervous. "Don't mind that...that's like.... I talked like that when my girlfriends used to get mad at me. Aw don't be like that, you my little baby girl, don't lock me out! ...Worked all of twice...." I chuckled, secretly loathing my previous love life.

"You're weird.... And I'm not your baby girl.... Pick something better than that." She cooed, bopping my head with a hoof.

"Sweetie seems fitting, right?"

Bon Bon sighed, "Cause the candy thing...funny."

"Aw sweetie don't be like that, you really gonna be mad at your bo?"

Bon Bon let out a sharp gasp, "I don't- whoa...what the buck did you do?"

I spotted her home, slowly my pace, "Hmm?"

"I felt all guilty...wanted to hug you."

I laughed sharply, "Oh wow, it worked. Aw, that's adorable." I set the cart down on her lawn, and turned to Bon Bon. She sat there, pouting and glaring at me. "Aw...don't be mad at me."

Bon Bon grew a bit flustered, shifting her hooves and turning her head away from me. "Stop that!" she growled adorably, her voice soft and secretly apologetic. "I feel all huggy and like...."

"Your hooves are shifting," I sang, walking up to her. "You want a hug?"

Bon Bon's hooves went wild, kneading like a cat. "I just- this-- This doesn't mean you can sleep in my bed! You're gonna work for me now, you had your chance and you just wasted it, now you're gonna take me out, gonna be nice to me and--"

I hugged her, her hooves wrapping around my back in seconds. "Aw...Awwwha...that's adorable." I rubbed her back, lifting her from the cart and setting her on the ground, staying crouched and holding her. "I knew you were all girly behind that grumbly attitude."

A soft creak caught my attention. "Bon Bon, you're hugging-" A sweet voice screamed, "a human!" I looked up to find a mint green unicorn laying on her belly and screaming, "This is the best welcome home ever!"

I stared at the unicorn, Bon Bon leaning her head around. "Um...Bon Bon, do you know this person?"

Bon Bon let her head go limp, stretching backwards. "Lyra...how was Earth?"

The apparent Lyra walked over to us. "It was alright...humans don't really like it when you ask them for hugs, but this one is already hugging you!"

I adopted a quizzical look. "Did you just go up to random people and ask them for hugs?"

Bon Bon pushed free. "Ryan...this is Lyra, my old room-mate...of course she asked random people for hugs...she's a spazz."
> Hello Ponyville!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Why, he screamed, why must it be this way!?" I screamed, reenacting the scene for Lyra. "I drew my sword from my friends chest, tossing it aside and gently helping him towards the ground. Jan, I shouted setting the dying man into the dry grass that surrounded the single tower in the endless steppe, Jan it didn't have to be like this!"

Lyra carefully carried my stuff inside, "No, he couldn't kill him!"

I continued my reading while Lyra helped me move into the house, "Jan grabbed my shirt, pulling himself up to meet me face to face. Radek...you remember the farm, you remember when it burned to the ground? Jan tightened his grips on my arms, I remember...I remember when they burned it, when they killed everyone...and I can't let it go...."

Lyra stifled a tear, "No...Jan don't die."

"I let Jan go, shooting upright in a flash and tearing at my hair. I had just shot my friend, he was a murderer, a psychopath, but he was all I had left. I fell to my knees, the crowd I'd saved slowly gathering around me. Fuck...what- what do I do now!? What do I do now!? I screamed, my world torn apart, my home burned, my friend dead by my own hand. God please, help me! And as if sent by Hava, a hand met my shoulder. A soft tender voice pulled me about, face to face with a burned faced peasant girl. Lead, she stated, the crowd of Bosvar I'd saved slowly gathering their possessions and all looking towards me."

Lyra started pushing a box in, walking backwards and forcing it inside with her flanks, "Oh no way!"

"Way," I stated with a stern tone, "And as the crowd drew closer, watching me with rapt attention, I spoke my final piece. I am no king, I lead no man, not even myself. With my life given back to the fates, I walked away, away from Jan, away from the lost settlers, away from the people that had taken everything, and away from the guilt of those I could not save. ...The end."

Lyra let out a sharp squeal, throwing a box down in the living room of my new home, "Sequel!"

I snapped the book shut, "Uh...I think the guy is still writing it."

"Awwwww!" Lyra groaned, heading back outside. "Oh...all the boxes are inside!"

I looked around the modest pile of clothes and my other belongings, "Sweet, thanks for the help." I gave a quick look towards the bedroom, the last place these boxes had to go and spotted Bon Bon peeking in around the door frame. "Hey, why you hiding?"

Bon Bon looked me up and down, "Nothing, no reason."

I tilted my head. "Well...you wanna come in here?"

Bon Bon looked towards Lyra as she looked through my things. "No...you seem fine on your own...."

I waited until alone with Lyra again. "Uh...is she jealous?" I asked, walking towards the door.

Lyra popped her head out of my boxes, a glove stuck on her horn, "Huh? Oh, probably."

"Hmm, well sorry to say, Lyra, I'm not really gonna rail ya just for helping me move. Now come on, I gotta return the stupid cart."

Lyra bolted over, "Can I ride in the cart?"

I got into position in front of the wagon, "Eh, why not."

Lyra let out a sharp squeal and hopped into the cart, "Can I ask you things?!"

I lifted the front of the cart up and started lugging it towards the rental place. "Well...I guess?"

"Best human.... Uh, why are people from New York jerks?"

I felt a crick start to form in my neck, "Uh...probably because you tried to randomly hug them...that'd be my guess. We're not a very huggy bunch...."

"Well that's no fun.... So, what's it like having fingers?"

I pulled the cart through town, ponies courteously clearing the way. "Uh...I can't really describe it, because I've never lived without them.... I assume it would be...well, bad. So...it's normal for me...."

Lyra's hooves tapped on the cart. "Alright.... Uh...that's gross...."

I craned my head around, "What?"

Lyra smiled nervously, "Uh...can you keep a secret?"

"Is this bad? Like did you murder someone?"

Lyra walked to the front of the cart and whispered into my ear, "I stuck my horn in a light socket...and uh...you were thinking about Bon Bon's lips."

I stopped dead, staring straight ahead, straight past the ponies and buildings and out into space. "...Lyra...how- I- what the hell?" I set the cart down and turned to face her. "Okay...you stuck your horn in a light socket...why?"

Lyra smiled wide, "I uh.... I made a bet with some human named Kenny, and I won like a hundred dollars!"

I started blustering and spazzing out, "I- wh- what the fuck did you bet!?"

Lyra bobbed her head lazily left and right, "Uh, I said my horn would light up, he said it wouldn't, and I won."

I floppy to my knees, resting my head against the front of the cart, "...Alright, second question, why do you know what I was thinking?"

Lyra put a hoof on my head, "Like a day after I did it, I started feeling all weird, and uh...long story short, I can do this-" Lyra lit up her horn, enveloping my head in faint magic, "-and no I'm not crazy."

I grumbled loudly, "...What am I thinking, right now?"

Lyra bit her tongue, "Um...Bon Bon's.... Bon Bon in pants...."

I let out a quick huff, "Panties...so, you can't see everything you freaking witch."

Lyra let out a quick gasp, "But we're friends!"

I hoisted the cart back up, "And? You're still a witch, you lack the penis to be a warlock."

"I'm not a hag, I'm not a wizard either!" Lyra stamped her hooves to exaggerate her point, "I am the best pony, straight out of Newfoundland!"

I groaned loudly, "Why is the damn portal in that shit ball island anyways?"

"Iunno." Lyra stated as eloquently as possible.

I focused on the path taking a hard right onto the driveway of the rental shop. "Lyra, here." I pulled out a small slip and handed it behind me. "Take that inside, I'll find some place to drop this off."

Lyra hopped off the cart, trotting off towards the actual building. I found an empty space to put the cart and parked it. Lyra quickly popped out of the shop just as quick as she'd entered. "I did it!"

"Alright...that's great." I lead Lyra off the rental lot and towards home. "So what now?"

Lyra made a funny face, her lips scrunched up to the side. "Uh.... Well...you probably want some alone time with Bon Bon...I'll just go do something else...."

"Nah," I stated, walking into the denser parts of town, "Come one, help me pick something out for her, while I've got my wallet."

Lyra lit up, sparks flying off her horn, "Can I get stuff too?! I...I can pay you back, but my money is still all human and junk...."

"How--" I sighed deeply and puffed out my cheeks, "How long were you on earth?"

Lyra rolled her neck, "Uuuuuuh, a year? I went to China, I went to Europe, I spoke German, I went to the beach! The beach was pretty sweet...lots of...big, people in bikinis."

"Eeeuuugh," I shuddered, rubbing my arms, "I know what you--" I stopped dead as I spotted Rainbow Dash sitting on a bench down the road. "...Shit.... Lyra...you know Bon Bon, take this-" I pulled my wallet out and held it for her, "-I need to take care of something."

Lyra looked up at me with a bit of a worried look. "...Oh...Oh...oh no... that's bad." She mumbled, lowering her head and tucking my wallet into her saddlebags. "Uh, I could help you...understand what--"

I shook my head, "Don't...don't get involved in this, I need to work on this, sort it out." I straightened out my shirt and started towards the bench. I spotted Fluttershy sitting a few feet away, trying to seem inconspicuous as she played overwatch. "...Just...be cool Ryan, be good, be calm...." I walked up to the bench and plopped down next to Rainbow Dash. "...Dash...I take it this isn't coincidental...."

Rainbow Dash nodded sullenly, gingerly lifting her head and watching Lyra wander down the street. "It's my fault...."

I interlaced my fingers and sat back, "What do you mean? What's your fau--"

"I thought you wanted me.... I mean...every girl does right? Every girl thinks it's gonna be romantic...that the first time is with the one you're supposed to love forever...but, I guess that's not how it's supposed to be."

I rubbed my mouth, "I don't think mistake is the right word...but what happened, I think it was clearly a drunken mistake. It was...it was anger, two brash people getting fucked and butting heads until something gave way." I looked down at my hands, "You're beautiful, Dash, I'm not sure if you know that...but it's true."

Rainbow Dash leaned against my arms, tears dripping from her cheeks, "Then why not?"

I took a deep breath and put my arm around her, cupping her body, "It's just not gonna happen. Rainbow Dash, I know that fiery mare is still in there, and even if we did manage to make things work...it wouldn't be a stable relationship, it would be two volatile people pretending things are okay."

Rainbow Dash let out a meager squeak, "I just- it's my fault. You're not supposed to be with someone you don't love, someone you just met...but I just thought you--"

I pulled her hard against me, "It's no one's fault. It happened, there's no changing that...there's no.... I can't give you your first time back...but I'll be here, I mean I can't just let you turn from the bright ball of brash mare turn into some depressed wreck."

Rainbow Dash snuggled against me. "...I'm scared...."

"Oh what?"

"I'm not...I'm not clean anymore.... I- you- we were together, you were inside me... nopony else is gonna want to be with me after I've been used--"

"Used?!" I snapped, looking down at her, "Rainbow Dash...you're not used, I- what we did was two people getting frustration out, clearing the air--"

"But it's never going to be the same! Every time somepony--" she curled up, lifting her tail and clutching it to her chest, "Dirty mares have just sex.... Good ponies make love...not just- they don't just buck, or fuck, or--"

I rubbed her right foreleg, "Rainbow Dash, does being raped ruin a woman? Does not being a virgin mean you have to be a whore? Does one mistake screw up all your chances? No, of course not! And you, you of all people won't have to worry about finding someone to love!" I lifted my hand up, planting it into the side of her head, "But I'm not that person...because I just don't love you...not like that."

"But I'm not--"

"Have you looked around?" I snapped, the way ponies look at you, you think it's just cause you're colorful? You think they look at you just because you do trick!? Rainbow Dash ponies look at you because they want to, and they must see something they like or they'd stop looking! And maybe some people are gonna stare at you because you're bright and colorful, maybe some will stare because you're brash, but you need to find the people that will look at you because it's you. Find the people that watch you because it's you, not because of the way you look or sound, but for the mare in here-" I poked her head with my finger, "Because the mare in there is infinitely more interesting than any trick you could ever do!"

Rainbow Dash let out a soft sniffle. "...But I'm not smart...I just do tricks and sports and--"

"You don't have to be smart to be interesting, you don't need to be strong to be interesting. For the love of god Rainbow Dash, I knew who you were before you hired me! I knew about you from Equestrian history, Tirek, Discord, Luna, I mean if you don't think saving the world from eternal night is going to turn some head, if you think just because it's not your first time that it can't be your best time.... Well then you're an idiot." I stated dryly. "I mean...for real, if you think you're not interesting you're just fucking stupid."

There was a long quiet, a painful quiet. "Ryan...." she whispered, gently tugging her foreleg free, "Don't bucking call me stupid!" She screamed, slamming her hoof up and uppercutting me.

"Gah- fuck!" I snapped, tucking my mouth into the crook of my elbow, "What the fuck!?"

Rainbow Dash hopped off the bench with an amazing energy about her, "Well, don't be a jerk! I mean who the hay calls me stupid?! I'm Rainbow Dash, I'm- I'm awesome!" She snapped with only slight hesitation. "...I'm awesome.... It feels good to feel awesome again."

I rubbed my mouth and stretched my jaw, "Well fuck, great for you, but maybe don't uppercut a bitch!" I stood up and shook my head, "Fuckin' Ryu!"

Rainbow Dash turned her head up, the pep exploding out of her, "Well don't be a jerk!" Thing grew quiet as we stood off in the street, "...But uh.... Ryan...thanks." She made sure no one was looking and pulled herself tight against my waist. "You're still a jerk though."

"And you're still an emotionally unstable psycho!" I yelped, running my hand along the back of her head, "Seriously that really, really, hurt."

Rainbow Dash broke the hug. "Um sorry. I didn't mean to actually hurt you."

"Well ya did.... Screw it, call it even for the hotel." I waved it off, wanting to head home and get some ice.

Rainbow Dash let out a nervous giggle, "Yeah...right.... It's nothing--"

"It wasn't nothing, but it wasn't the end of the world." I stated, rubbing my jawline. "Now seriously...can we move on?"

Rainbow Dash smiled wryly. "Already done." She turned on a dime and started trotting off towards the hiding Fluttershy.

"Eeeee, that was so romantic and junk!" Lyra screamed, bolting over, "That was adorable!"

I glared down at the mare, her bags now laden with gift boxes and her magic occupying a small ice cream cone levitating before her face. "...Give me that." I growled, yanking the cone free and jamming it against my chin. The cold was a welcome change from the throbbing pain in my lower jaw. "God damn she hits hard...."

Lyra started squeaking sadly, "Ice cream...no...."
> Bad For Your Teeth
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I walked with Lyra through the town, bags hanging off her sides and a special one hanging off her horn. "What did you get her?" I asked, trying to peak into her bags. "And...how much was it?"

Lyra lowered her head, letting me peak into the bag. "I kept it under two-hundred."

I laughed nervously. "Heh...heh, that' a lot of money...." I took the bag off her horn and started looking into it. "...Oh, clothes...that's wh-- what the hell is this?" I pulled out a small plastic case, a brand new electric toothbrush sitting inside. "...Why?"

Lyra levitated the package away, "Well it's not for your teeth!" She chirped, ripping the packaging open and pointing the bristled end towards the sky. "This side is for hooves, which if you don't know, Bon Bon has the most ticklish hooves. I mean, they say Earth ponies aren't sensitive cause they're heavy hooved, but she used to date this unicorn and she was so loud!"

I stared into the bag, looking at the clothes to distract from Lyra. "Sure...I- wait...you bought a toothbrush as a toy?"

Lyra flipped the toothbrush around, flicking it on and causing it to buzz. "Well...hoof tickling and, well, I think you can figure this end out." She popped her eyebrows as she thrust the vibrating handle at me. "Eh...eeeeh?"

"Lyra...seriously?" I asked, putting the bag back on her horn. "That's just...I mean, I'm lewd, but that's vulgar."

Lyra ran the brush end of the device up and down her horn. "Hardly, I mean, I did buy two."

"With my money?"

Lyra took a hard turn onto Bon Bon's street. "I'll pay you back! I promise. But these things make great hoof and horn polishers!"

I stooped as we reached Bon Bon's. "...Doesn't that- isn't that a sex thing for unicorns?" I asked, pointing at her horn.

Lyra pursed her lips and shoved them to the side. "Hmmm, normally, but when I stuck it in that light socket I lost about all feeling." She flicked it off and dropped it into the bag. "Worth the mind reading though, like, way awesome!"

I shook my head, stepping up the porch and trying to open the door. "Who else knows- who else knows- what the hell?" I asked, unable to open the door. "Why would she lock it?" I started digging into my pockets, finding the small brass key and throwing the door open. "Well that's rude--"

"Oh- oh no...." Lyra mumbled, darting inside and over to a painting on the wall. "Tssss, yeah...she's in heat."

I walked over to her, kicking the door shut and looking at the painting. "...How can you tell?" I asked, taking the upside down painting off the wall and flipping it right side up. "And who--"

Lyra bopped me with her hoof, quickly pointing towards the living room. "Bon Bon gets weird in heat. Most ponies just get a little horny or emotion, Bon Bon puts everything upside down." She trotted over to a small Coffee table and pointing to an overturned candle in a jar. "See...this isn't normal, this is weird Bon Bon stuff."

I turned the candle upright. A quick look around saw everything that could be upside down was in fact, upside down. "Wow...the chairs...tissue box, pills. Does she do this often?"

"Once a season. I guess she's having a late one for summer, or an early fall." Lyra clarified, walking around and righting everything. "I don't know why I'm bothering, she's just gonna get all grumbly and do it all again."

I scratched my head, staring at Lyra as she levitated her bags down. "Well, what do we do then?"

Lyra stared at me, golden eyes burning through my head. "...I...." She slowly levitated a bag into view, "Am gonna go play dress up. You...." She levitated the toothbrush out and flicked it on. She hovered it over to me, letting it fall into my hands. "Are gonna go...fight for your penis, and your life."

I felt my hand raise up, Lyra lifting my arm up and forcing the buzzing toothbrush into my hand. "Lyra...what the fuck?" I asked in earnest. Lyra shook her head and started pushing me with her forelegs. "Lyra...what the hell?"

Lyra kept pushing me through the room. "Just- oh look," She stopped and turned towards where we unloaded my things. "Wow, that's neat."

I looked over to my boxes. Each one was emptied out, all of my possessions were neatly sorted by size, all flipped upside down and some of the smaller items were stacked. "...Wow, I- like this is impressive, and she didn't break anything, but seeing my life laid out like this bugs me."

Lyra levitated up a picture frame. "Aww...it's New York...can I have this?" She asked, slowly sneaking a family picture towards her bags. "I'm gonna take this."

I kept staring at my things, pencils, books, cards, everything I'd ever collected was upside down and sorted in rows. "Why you want a picture of New York?"

Lyra finished tucking the picture away and started looking through my things. "I went to New York the first week I was on Earth. It was like Manehattan, except more crowded." She smiled wide and pointed to the hall, "I'll tell you about when I got hit by a car later. But you should probably go make sure Bon Bon doesn't jam her hoof into herself."

I stood in horror at Lyra's implications. "Has she actually done that?"

Lyra nodded, leading me towards the hall. The rustic home rather boringly beige. "I had to take her to the hospital, she had a blanket over her and everything."

I found myself standing before a rather noisy door, soft whimpers and clattering crying out from behind the wooden door. "...I'm a pretty mare...I'm a pretty mare!" Bon Bon screamed from her side of the door, causing me to jump back a step.

I looked down at the toothbrush in my hand. "...Ryan...this is where you either become a hero, or die trying." I placed my hand on the knob, yanking the door open and dashing inside. I closed the door in a flash, taking quick stock of the upturned room. In the back of the room sat a long bed pressed sideways against the wall, a closet built into the wall without any doors was already pillaged and clothes hung upside down from the rod. "Jesus...." My scan continued, finding just about everything that could be upside down, not only upside down, but stacked. Bon Bon sat on her bed, laying across it and stacking books spine up, one atop the other, forming a tower four high with ease.

Bon Bon stopped with a single short huff. "...Ryan...there any reason you're just standing there?"

I stuffed the toothbrush in my pocket. "Uh...Bon Bon, you feeling alright?" I asked, traversing the stacks and piles of delicately upturned parcels. "Everything okay?"

Bon Bon snapped her head to me, cocking it to ninety degrees extremely slowly. "...I'm great! Absolutly great! I'm in heat, you're off hanging out with Lyra, spending time with Rainbow Dash, off running around the town having fun while I'm just sitting here!" She whipped her head around, back to her stackings. "No go make out with Lyra or whatever you were doing!"

I stared at Bon Bon with a mix of fear and concern. "Uh...so you're not alright." I made my way to the bed and plopped down next to her. "...You wanna talk--"

"Don't touch me!" She yelped, whirling her head around and bearing her dull teeth. "Just don't touch me you dick!" She spun her body around, jabbing me with her right foreleg. "I ask you to move in, you wait a month to say yes! I ask you out, you say later! I ask if you want to date, you give a tentative yes! Things finally get on track, you go and talk with Lyra for the entire day! Then when you come back you just start questioning me and I just...I just...I- fucking fucks!"

I slowly moved my arms around her, keeping them off but slowly surrounding her. "I'm gonna just...do this...." I slowly tightened my grip, still not touching her.

"Ryan, I'm gonna bite you! Ryan, stop!" She glared at me, face contorted in pure rage. "Ryan!"

"I'm gonna...do...it." I made contact with my fingertips along her back and in a flash I felt Bon Bon's hooves wrap around my side, "Whoa there--"

She let out a horrid scream, burying her face in my gut and groaning loudly. "I just want to be fun too! Why's Lyra get to have all the fun!? I just- I'm a pretty mare, I deserve nice things!"

I pulled Bon Bon against my chest, cradling her against me and scooting towards the wall and propping myself up along her bed. "What? Bon Bon I offered to bring you--"

"Shut up! You love Lyra don't you!" She yelped, digging her hooves into my side. "You slut!"

I pulled Bon Bon's rump onto my lap. "What the hell? Like seriously, what the hell, girl?" I put my hand on her cheek and pulled the side of her head against my chest. "You my baby girl...ain't nothin' gonna change that." I cooed in my rather idiotic way. "...That could have come out better.... Point is, I'm not about to ditch you for anyone else. Bon Bon you kept me employed, you let me stay with you when I couldn't make it home, you talk to me daily, I mean...I'd have to be a real fucker to cheat on you, and I'd like to pretend I'm not the kind of person that would do that."

Bon Bon tightened her grip. "...You're not gonna bang Lyra?"

"...Uh...I'm not into what she's slinging, which is one-hundred percent crazy." I mumbled, lowering my head and touching the tip of my nose to her mane. "...You smell like vanilla and chocolate...."

Bon Bon tightened herself up on my lap. "...Ryan...are you gonna stay the night this time?"

I swallowed hard. "Uh- I uh.... Gonna leave this here." I turned on the toothbrush and set it on the bed. "Gonna go--"

"...Ryan...you're not leaving." She stated, pulling me tight against her withers. "Please stay...you stayed for Rainbow Dash."

"...And I've had nothing good come of that!" I shot back, running my fingertips along her side. "...Seriously, another--"

"Ryan...I like you, I wouldn't have kept you working with me if I didn't. And maybe you're not the smartest, or the most charming, but you're honest, you work hard, and I really need someone to hold me right now, okay!?"

I was locked in place, the toothbrush had rolled against my knee and was slowly growing irritating. "...Okay, so...how's this gonna--"

"Take that thing...put it between my legs...and just hold it...okay?" Bon Bon asked, leaning against my head. "...Unbelievable...couldn't be a pony...."

I grumbled hazily as I grabbed the toothbrush. "I'm sure you could have found some pony to--"

"It would have been an Apple...and I'm really- I just don't like them alright. Apple family is way too workaholic for me."

"But you just complained that I'm not a pony!" I shot back, maneuvering my hand into place above her groin.

"...We could probably change that...I mean...if you want, I'd appreciate it--"

"You serious right now?" I asked, pushing her back a step.

Bon Bon lowered her head and pressed her crown against the underside of my chin. "Yeah...but only if you want.... I mean, you're nice now...but you'd be pretty awesome if you were a pony...."

I couldn't help but feel a little off put by her suggestion. "...So by that logic I should ask you to turn human, right?"

"...Okay...but you have to be a pony for me." She mumbled, nuzzling my chin. "...I don't know if I mean any of this...I'm really...really.... Can you just do it already?"

"No, no let's talk about this!" I snapped, lifting the toothbrush from her hooves. "So if I go pony, you'll go human?"

"...Maybe."

I let out a short chuckle. "Well...that's.... There's an idea for an interesting date...but uh--" I was cut off as Bon Bon pressed her hoof into my hand and force it down between her legs. The buzzing toothbrush cried a strange muffled bzzt, quickly followed up by a soft moan from Bon Bon.

"...Ryan...I'm serious...just help me here." Bon Bon commanded, gyrating her hips and buzzing herself wit the base of the toothbrush. "Help."

I took a deep breath and forced the brush against her, prodding around until the noise grew low and Bon Bon grew louder. I continued to lay my chin on Bon Bon's head, running my hands up and down her soft coated back and staring out at the corner of the ceiling. "Well...this is certainly my life...I think."

Bon Bon hugged me tight, going still as the sound grew more and more muffled, her hips pressing up against my own. "Ryan...just shut up...." Things grew quiet again, only the occasional buzz or coo to liven up the heated room. "...Why did you never take me out?"

I drew a small circle with the brush, shifting my gaze to the ceiling. "Because we were always working."

"...You just had to ask, I would have cancelled everything."

I wrapped my arm around Bon Bon's head. "Sweet.... But someone's gotta make the money."

"We're both making the money now...right?" She asked, lifting her head up and meeting me eye to eye. "...This is a thing...right?"

I stared into Bon Bon's eyes, the soft blue eating away at my gut ,the smeared navy and pink lipstick disheveled and no longer sharp or clean. "Jesus Christ you're beautiful." I muttered, leaning my head down and giving her a soft peck on the lips. "I don't think I ever told you that...."

Bon Bon dove her head forward, slamming crown first into my gut. "You'd better start...and...no more Rainbow Dash, okay?"

I took a deep breath, continuing to draw along her body. "You know, she thought I loved her. But I just- should I feel guilty?"

"Should I feel guilty about you? Should I feel guilty about being with a human? Should you feel guilty about being with a mare? Should I feel guilty about every stallion I dated, every girl you dated?"

"I guess not. Hopefully this won't be like most of the girls I dated...."

Bon Bon let out a warm groan as I hit a sweet spot, "Ummhm.... It's gonna be...probably, either way you still owe me that dinner."

I let out a soft chuckle. "How about we go out for a drink instead, little more my speed--"

"Fuck your speed. Wine, red, Lyra can cook I think...." She nuzzled my chest, her hooves still wrapped around my back. "...Dear Celestia we're cheap."

"Cheap...I just spent two-hundred bits on make up presents. Now this stupid three buck peice of crap is getting me laid.... Fucking bullshit." I laughed, rubbing myself against her backside through my jeans. "So..are we--"

"No...dinner first, then maybe. I told you, you're gonna have to earn it...this is just...a- tease- mmmhmphmmmmmm." Bon Bon curled up, squeezing herself against my hand and shaking ever so softly. "Ahh, there we go...."

I lifted the toothbrush up, flicking it off and finding the bottom end a little sticky. "Well...that was, new."

Bon Bon laid against me, "Oh dear Celestia it feels good to lay on somepony...."

I tossed the toothbrush off the bed and laid back on the bed, letting Bon Bon sleep across my body. "Yeah...can't complain either...except I'm getting scraped to death by my zipper."

"Suck it up, you're supposed to be Mr. Tough Guy." Bon Bon cooed, resting her chin against my shoulder.

"Fine...I'll be Mr. Tough Guy if you be my baby girl...."

"...I don't do pet names."

"...Fair enough. But then I'm not Mr. Tough Guy."

Bon Bon stretched out, pressing her back hooves against my stomach. "Mr. Whimpy...yeah, that sounds better."

I reached for the light, knocking over a stack of crap along the way. "...I need to get guy friends...this constant mare thing is making me soft." I flicked off the lights and leaned back on the pillowy bed. "Seriously though...you're beautiful."

"I know. Sorry you're just finding out."

"And that, that right there, is why I love you." I gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Sarcastic ass, but you're my sarcastic ass."
> Suddenly Pink
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I jostled my hair, humming loudly as I stepped out of the steamy bathroom. "And I didn't think you cared!" I sang, kicking my leg out and tossing my towel into a basket next to the bathroom door. Bon Bon's house was spacious, well maintained and neat. The change was far beyond refreshing, like stepping from a Newark teardown to a New york Highrise.

"Hey, Bon Bon, where you at!?" I shouted, adjusting myself in my boxers and walking around the house. "Hello? Lyra, Bon Bon? Anyone?" I continued to look around, no response from either pony. I wandered around, slipping into the hall and walking towards my new room. Bon Bon and Lyra had helped me move in and settle in record time. My stuff was sorted away, Lyra was slowly occupying the guest room, and the cardboard boxes that held my life were cut up and saved away for winter kindling.

Everything was great, save a small note on the door of my bedroom. Gone shopping, be back soon. Which on its own wasn't too terrifying, but coupled with a few hearts and a small sticky note under it, It's Hearts and Hooves day! -Lyra, made it truly scary. "Oh shit...." I mumbled, thinking back to my first days here, right before the titular day.

I ran like mad through the house, grabbing clothes and racing back to the bathroom. My life became a blur as I tried to juggle six things at once. Shoes went on, then pants, then a toothbrush. My undershirt went on over my overshirt and my wallet exploded into cards and coins. "God damn it!" I shouted, stuffing my cards back into my wallet and switching my shirts. "Stop screwing me, it's not the time!" I shouted, stuffing the wallet into my pocket and pulling my pantlegs out of my boots. "Don't start!"

I hobbled outside, slamming the door shut and locking the door. I nearly ripped the keys out of the door, turning around my hat as I bolted through the crowded streets. Ponies were out in force, the usual mix of other species tagging along or rushing like mad like me. I bounced off a pony, flying down towards the market. I had no idea what to get, but I knew Bon Bon was generally girly aside from her strong appearance. She had a soft core, I just had no idea how to crack into it.

I skidded to a halt outside of a small shop, Bon Bon's. "What the hell?" I asked, spotting Lyra scurrying around like mad inside, fending off a horde of ponies, a few humans, and a pair of griffons. I slithered into the shop, squeezing against the displays and cutting into the line and over the counter. I stayed back, leaving Lyra batting away ponies and hastily throwing candy into bags. "Hey...Lyra, you--"

"Oooooh dear Celestia no!" She yelped, wrapping up a bag and tossing it over the counter. "Somepony wanted that!"

I grabbed Lyra, pulling her back a step. "Whoa there...you alright?"

Lyra looked around like mad, finally focusing on me. "Ryan! Oh thank pony shit!" She yelped, pawing at my sleeves. "Too many bad dates! Too many everything!"

"Too much," I corrected, setting her down, "So...you want--"

"Save me!" She shouted, stomping her forelegs. "Also...why are you here?"

I scratched my head and stood up. "I was gonna pick something up for Bon Bon, but...she's out, why are you here?"

Lyra took a deep breath. "I'm single...I mean, obviously, nopony--"

"Lyra, focus."

"Right...right, sorry." She scraped at the floor with her hoof. "Uh...Bon Bon and you are together...I said I'd run the shop so you two could hang out. But I didn't expect this!"

I looked out at the sea of people. "I got a deal." I ducked down, pulling Lyra's hat off and fitting it roughly to my own head. "Pick something for Bon Bon, and I'll run the store for a while. Deal?"

Lyra teared up slightly. "Thank you...." She wrapped herself around me, nearly sending me tumbling. "I'm gonna borrow your wallet...okay?"

"I-" I felt my wallet pull slowly from my front pocket. "...How did you know I kept it in my front pocket?"

Lyra smiled wide and started backing towards the way out. "Because you're paranoid."

I watched Lyra melt into the crowd, leaving me to fend of the rabid people in the shop. "I lived in Jersey...it's not paranoia if it's something to really be worried about." I straightened my shirt, facing the angry crowd. "Geez. Line up, single file!" I shouted, causing the ears of each pony to perk up. "Have your bits ready, special requests will be set aside until things calm down!" I shouted, jamming my palm against the bell on the counter. "Next!"

Three ponies jammed into the counter, "I said single fucking file!" I screamed, slamming the counter and causing the ponies to back off. "One at a time!" Two ponies sheepishly tried to jockey for position. "I swear to god I will go full bitchfest on your asses!" I screamed, the veins in my neck surging with hot blood. "You, go!" I screamed, pointing a blue pegasus to the back of the line. "You!" I swung my hand to the mare, grabbing a small bag from her and setting in on a scale. "...Four bits!"

The pony before me set three bits down, "...I didn't--"

I glared hard at the pony, pressing the button on the register and pulling the bits into it. I maintained my overboard glare and slowly handed the bag over. "Next time...get here early...." I hissed, plopping the candy down in his hooves and ringing my bell. "Next...."

The pony with the bag looked broken, sheepishly slinking away and out of the shop. I didn't like cutting him a break, but my glare would either scare him off for good or remind him to be prepared next time, and that was worth a bit. The next customer came up, and with the jostle of coins was served and sent. I never understood why people had such hard times dealing with customers, then again it came rather naturally to me.

I had time to reflect on my days back in Jersey. Fuck was thrown around more often than these ponies flicked their tails, asshole was a common greeting, and you just get so desensitized around it all talking is so meaningless. But here, these ponies had such range, from the scared ponies I tossed candy at, to the ones I had to fight and argue with, but I could yell, I could shout back, and in the end I guess that's what made it easy.

No pony could shoot me down, no pony could argue louder, and when it came to processing candy and taking money, I was a king. I ran the shop like a machine, pumping out gifts and treats to ponies in need. Late presents, couples picking stuff, all species and all genders flooded in, cashed out and left happy. I must have looked stupid, dressed up in a tee shirt and a pink hat, doling out candy. But no one said a thing, they said thank you and left.

Couple after couple walked out happy, stock was high, sales were high, and I was in my natural habitat. I was helping people, I was managing a store, and beyond the crowd I spotted something I loved, coming towards me. "Hey Ryan." A sharp, darting voice cut my thoughts in half. Rainbow Dash popped up, tossing a bag of candy onto the counter.

I snapped down, grabbing the bag and shifting it towards the scale. "Oh...hi, what's up?" I asked, carefully skirting around our relationship. "How's your day?"

Dash smiled wide, brushing her chest off with her hoof. "Pretty good! Got a date later, with a Wonderbolt. No big deal."

I smiled and counted out a few bits she'd thrown on the counter. "That's good. Glad you could--"

"I know, I'm pretty awesome, don't have to make a big deal about it." She preened, her smug closed eye'd smile wrapping around her cheeks. "So, how've you been?"

I shrugged, looking around the now cleared out shop. "Uh...good, didn't expect to be working today, but it's all good."

Rainbow Dash looked around, nervously snapping her head left and right. "Yeah, I had the day off. Uh...listen, I just wanted to pick this up and say...thanks."

I tapped my fingers on the counter. "It wasn't a big--"

"It's a big deal for a pegasus. But...moving on is a big deal for a pony." She grabbed the candy with her teeth and flung it into her saddle bag. "I know...I should have--"

"Is now really the time?" I asked, my face a bit scrunched up. "I mean...we can be friends...we can talk about this, but I've really got stuff to do."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Like what?"

I stared at her, leaning onto the counter and letting my chin rest against my wrist. "Getting laid...with my Girlfriend...."

Dash locked up, letting out a rough cough before straightening out. "Well my point is, thanks."

I nodded. "Rainbow Dash...you don't talk to a lot of guys, do you?"

Dash stared at me, "...Do you mean, stallions, or guys--"

"Men, males, penis owning individuals."

Rainbow Dash shifted left and right, her hooves scraping against the ground. "No, but why--"

"You should talk with some." I took off the hat and set it on the counter. "I mean...sex is like way different for ponies and humans...and different races moreso, but even genders will have a different idea about it." I raised my butt up, sitting on the counter and pulling my legs over. "I was brought up like a- ...uh...I don't want to say misogynistic, but loose, with the sexual morals."

Rainbow Dash spread her wings, giving them a quick flap before tucking them away. "Yeah, so?"

"So, maybe you were raised different. Maybe pegasai mate for life, maybe others don't, but I've seen ponies with Unicorns, and I can tell you for a fact- wait...where were you from again?"

"Cloudsdale...."

I scratched my chin, "Uh...might even just be that. I'm not about to theorize on your sexuality...uh...anymore than I already am." I admitted, growing a bit flushed. "Seems like--"

"It's not a huge deal...or...I'm trying to not let it be." She clarified, flicking her hoof off the floor. "But who am I supposed to talk to about it? I can't tell...my friends...it's embarrassing."

"You talked to Fluttershy."

Rainbow Dash bit her tongue and took a lap around the freshly pillaged jars and displays. "Yeah, but she's not gonna tell anypony. And you...you just don't get what it's like. I feel safe around you, and I know I shouldn't, but I--"

"You shouldn't?" I asked, walking over to the door, running my hand over the glass frame. "Rainbow Dash, I said I'm not going to screw you...no matter how much someone needs to--"

"Hey!"

"Bitch...are you saying you don't need to get dicked?" I shouted, knowing not much else would get through to her. "Honestly...you need to get laid, like...a lot more than you do, which I'm going to assume is none."

Dash grew a bit flustered. "It's not what we're--"

"Who's we?" I held the door open for her. "Rainbow Dash, who are you?"

She cocked her head and stared at me. "I'm Rainbow Dash...best flyer in Equestria."

"Then who is we?" I walked her out, shutting the door behind me and locking up. "You keep talking about we, maybe you should think less about we, and more about you. Now, these weird ass conversations need to stop...you keep saying you've moved on, yet I keep finding you hanging around me."

Rainbow Dash grew a bit pink, pacing around me for a second before stopping cold. "So what, I can't--"

"Why don't we talk about dicks, or...the beach, or vagina, just not yours. I mean honestly, I talked with your friends, they told me about the--"

"Don't!" She yelped, thrusting a hoof out. "...Rarity, wasn't it?"

"Oh who else?" I cracked my knuckles and looked to the sky, "Now go, have your date, and get screwed until your legs go numb. Then, come to me, and we can talk about...sharks--"

"I hate sharks...." She stated, her wings fluttering softly.

"Then we can talk about how much you hate- holy shit...." I cut myself off, spotting Bon Bon in the distance, "No!" I screamed, tensing up and bristling like a rabid dog. "Bon Bon what the fuck!?"

Rainbow Dash spun around, spotting my horror. "Oh...." Bon Bon was nuzzling some stallion, the stallion whispering into her ear and nipping her. The stallion was laughing softly, guiding Bon Bon down the path towards a seedier part of Ponyville. I felt my heart shatter, my knees buckle, sending me to the ground. "Ryan...you--"

"No I'm not fucking alright!" I screamed, turning to Dash.

Rainbow Dash jumped back, "Uh...so, I should go--"

"Not now! Later- after I'm in prison!" I screamed, getting to my feet and getting ready to run. "I'm gonna fuckin--"

Rainbow Dash wrapped around my leg, "Easy!" She pulled my legs together, acting like a bolo. "Ryan, stop!"

I tried to hobble after Bon Bon, watching as she fluttered away, off with that other stallion. "No! This is bullshit--"

"Stop!" Dash shouted, holding my legs tight. "You need to calm down!"

I let out a strange howl, rolling over and trying to crawl. "No damn it!"

"Ryan, act like an adult!" Dash screamed, scrambling upright and standing on my back. "Stop it!"

My voice fell to a whimper. "How is this fair!?"

"It's not, but you need to calm--"

"Fuuuuuck- ass!"

"Fine!" Dash slammed her flank down on my spine, "We can just sit here then!"

I lowered my head, huffing into the dirt. "God damn it...." I took a deep breath and kept facing the ground. "...Thanks Dash...but someone is going to die after this...."

"Well not right now. We can't talk about stuff if you're in the dungeon."

"...Fucking sharks...am I right?" I murmured, my voice shaky, "Fucking drink your blood...break your heart...just like that."

"That's why I don't like sharks."

I reached back, grabbing Dash's foreleg. "Thank god you're dumb...."
> Anger
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I tapped my fingers on my wall, staring at the front door and waiting for the pair to wander through the doors. Rainbow Dash was looming somewhere outside, finally taking the hint and leaving me to my silent rage. I could only hope she got laid, or moved on, or at the very least stopped being so enamored with me. As flattering as it was, it had moved past tragic, right into annoying.

I would have time to break it off with her, dump her on her friends and get back to my life, but first I needed to sort out my own love problems. "Come on Bon Bon...just make it quick...just...make it quick." I laid my head against the wall, tapping it hard and nearly braining myself. I stretched my legs, my betrayed rage not outdoing the pain of standing for hours on end.

I reached back, lifting my leg and starting to pull my shoe off. I tossed the shoe away, switching feet as the door clicked open. "Ryan, we're home!" Bon Bon shouted, Lyra's laugh filling the house as the pair stepped inside. Bon Bon was wearing a bright white dress, a dark navy sash tied around her barrel and looped around her back. It was adorable affair, her hooves wrapped up in a pair of bright tan strap sandals, just coming up over the edges of her hooves. "Ryan--"

"Aha--" I shouted, stumbling forward and popping my shoe off. "Whoa shit-" I grabbed the doorway to keep from slamming face forward, "Aha!"

Bon Bon walked over, leaving Lyra to bounce around the room. "What? What, aha?"

I flung my shoe at Lyra, hitting her flank and causing her to bolt across the room. "Oh Celestia what the fuck!?"

"Oh don't, what, me!" I shouted, storming up to Bon Bon and bumping her muzzle with my stomach. "I saw you!"

Bon Bon took a step back, pulling her hoof to her nose. "Ow...Ryan, why?"

"Oh don't start!" I screamed, throwing my arms out, "You know I don't get pissed off without a good reason, so cut the shit!" I leaned over her, Bon Bon not even flinching, her ears standing straight as could be as I yelled. "Well!?"

"Well what!?" She shouted, prodding my stomach with a hoof, "I come home all dressed up, I brought presents, and you sent Lyra to go and--"

"Oh you think presents can make this okay?!" I screamed, stomping my foot, Bon Bon still not budging an inch. "Ow...." My foot still ached, the time spent on my feet slowly catching up with me. "Don't pretend you didn't talk with him! I saw you walk away with him too!"

Bon Bon cocked her head. "Wait...who?"

"Don't play this game damn it!" I shouted, ducking down and grabbing the straps of her dress, "If you're cheating on me don't lie! I can take the hit, just don't fucking lie to me!"

Bon Bon slowly opened her mouth, letting it hang low as her eyebrows curled inward. "Ryan...what the buck? I mean...what the fuck, hell, whatever you say...are you talking about?" She pressed a hoof against my chest, slipping the patterned leather under my shirt and rubbing my bare skin. "Ryan...did you get hit on the head? Are you feeling alright?"

I snapped back, pulling my hands away and spinning around. "Bon Bon, I know I saw you! You were outside the candy shop, walking away with some random stallion! I mean, if you're not into humans anymore, that's fine, if it's me, still fine, but don't lie--"

Bon Bon frowned hard, "Lyra, where were we today?"

Lyra dragged her flank across the ground like a dog, "Ow ow ow- shopping district and the market!"

Bon Bon nodded, "Did we meet any stallions on the way there or back?"

Lyra rolled onto her side, clutching her flank. "On the way back no! Jeez, who throws shoes Ryan!? Who throws a shoe!?"

Bon Bon's soft frown turned back to me. "Ryan...I made sure not to pass by the shop, I'd get seen and asked to make somepony something special, and Lyra said she'd take care of the normal stuff. Now, she told me you helped, and I figured you'd be working for a while so I was out a little longer. But I never met any stallion, and I sure as shit never went anywhere with- I went somewhere with a stallion in a shop...but...you know what never mind, I'll return it!" She glared at me, swinging her flank to me. "Ryan, you're such an asshole!"

I fell to my knees, babbling and snarling at myself. "I- but you- then where'd you get that dress!?" I shouted, extending my arm. "Huh!? How do you--"

Lyra let out a sharp whine, "She left this morning like that! Oh gods...my ass hurts so damn much! Why Ryan, why!?"

I grabbed my head, "I just- I saw you...and it was you, blue and pink curls, same haircut--"

"Manecut." Bon Bon corrected.

"Shut up!" I shouted in annoyance, "I- it was you! I know it was you! You were--"

Bon Bon's head shot upright, locking straight forward. "Oh...oh no...." She turned towards Lyra, "Lyra...go get the phone, we need to call the city hall."

I grabbed my head, "Lyra, city, what!?" I leaned back on my shins, "What the fuck is going on?! Why the hell is--"

"Changelings." Bon Bon stated, turning to me with a soft smile, "Ryan...I thought you lived here a while now, how have you never seen one?"

I felt my jaw drop open. "Wait- what!? I- are you kidding me?!"

Bon Bon shook her head. "Were they wearing a dress?"

I pulled at my jaw, "Uh...no, just you without--"

"Were they wearing panties? I mean...it's pretty normal since you showed up, most ponies wear panties in public now."

I thought back, remembering when Harper Cloths rolled out panties that matched pony coats, leaving them covered up without being noticeable. "Uh...I don't- no?"

Bon Bon rubbed my head with her hoof. "Ryan, they usually show up around Hearts and Hooves day, they get a lot of desperate ponies try- wait...there's a stallion...sleeping with a changeling...that looks like- ew-" she jerked her hoof away, "eck- ew ew ew ew!" She stomped her hooves in place. "Oh great, that's going to be so freaking weird!" She stomped so hard a strap of her sandal started to slip down her hoof. "Every year! I swear there's somepony out there who's got a crush or- eck- obsession with me!"

I just stared at the ground. "What the hell...shape shifting...I don't--"

"Ryan, why did you not punch him!?" Bon Bon asked, ducking her head and getting face to face with me, her bright blue eyes sharp with worry and anger. "That's so gross, some random pony banging a copycat!" We stared at each other, Bon Bon's eyes not wavering once from my own. "Ryan...say something!" she yelped, shaking me with her hooves, "Ryan!? Come on, say something! You were yelling and angry, and now you're just--"

I shot forward, dipping my head down and catching Bon Bon's lips on the upstroke. Her eyes shot wide as I pushed her back, her hooves pulling back and releasing some of the pressure on my chest. She released a soft mmm, borne of confusion. I moved my hands from the floor to her barrel, holding the curves of her body and letting my fingers dig in against the soft cotton dress. She shoved back, turning her head to the side with a confused look on her face, eyes straight forward, her mouth torqued into a sharp frown. "Ryan...what the--"

I slid my hands up her body, tucking them against her forelegs, "I didn't know what else to do," I laughed, lowering my head and letting her curls press against my dome. I started laughing softly, rubbing her barrel up and down. "I'm still so fucking mad...."

Bon Bon snapped her head back to me. "Um...so you kissed me?"

I pulled my own head back, "What else was I going to do? I'm just...are you sure--"

Lyra started spinning on the floor, her flank stretching as she pushed herself around the floor. "Damn it Ryan! We met after I left the shop, it was like ten minutes I didn't see her! God damn you and your shoe!" She spun around like mad, her flank wiping up the dirt from the floor. "My ass, why!? Whyyyy!?"

"Shut up Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted, snapping her head around and slapping me with her mane. "My time!" She swung her head back to me, "Ryan, I'm going to say this now. You're an idiot." She bopped my nose with a hoof, the sandal slapping against my face with a soft wap. "I don't cheat! If I wanted somepony else I'd leave, I wouldn't go behind your back! You're a big boy Ryan, you could--"

I picked her up, lifting her hooves off me and pulling her level with me. There was a single moment, locked eye to eye with the mare I loved. "Bon Bon-" I leaned forward, pressing my lips against her own, forcing her head back slightly and indulging in the soft texture as she leaned back, her eyes fluttering softly but still staying open. "-I'm sorry."

Bon Bon sat there, hooves hanging against my wrists as I held her upright. "...Uh...okay." She wore a near invisible pink about her face, her body shifting about in her dress, "Is that--"

I leaned forward, planting my lips against the warm short hairs along her neck, "Nope...." I ducked low, holding her up and kissing her neck, burrowing into the curve of her chin and slowly leaning her against my shoulder. She bristled under my touch, letting out a soft coo as I nuzzled deep against her neck and breathed down her dress. "Gonna be a lot more."

Bon Bon's hooves pawed lightly at me, one finding its place on my forearm and the other hazily pressing on and off my chest. "Ryan wait- hmm, Ryan, Lyra's in here--"

"Don't care-" I hissed, drawing a deep breath past her coat and flicking my chin against her withers. "You smell like sugar and blueberries." I bit her neck, using a wide approach and flicking my tongue past her coat. It wasn't the most enjoyable sensation, but the torn up moan Bon Bon let out as I tugged at her skin was amazing, causing a flood of warmth to rush from my chin down to my fingertips. I tensed my hands around her body, the soft white dress noisily shifting as she squirmed and tried to brace herself.

Her body lifted up, her back hooves pressing hard against the floor and forcing us upward. She was trying to get away from me, trying to catch her breath. I kept at her, nipping at her skin and slowly moving from her neck to her jaw, letting her shivers and twitches pulse through my body. Each lick, nip, bite, it was driving her mad, her moans getting louder, heavier, each one shorter and more strained than the last.

I pulled back, switching sides and biting a bit harder than before. Bon Bon locked up, her hoof tightening around my arm, her right shoving hard against my chest. "Ow ow- Ryan--" I shifted slightly, prodding her with my I teeth as she tried to squirm free. I wouldn't hurt her, but a little pinch was sending me into an animal idea, I was on top, I was finally topping her, I was warm, I felt big, my world was bright and pulsing with the colors that splashed against the walls and her coat. Her mane slowly dropped into view, her chin moving up to try and alleviate the pinch along her neck.

But another shift, another bite, and she was locked. Her body was ridged, her hooves going limp and hanging against me as I dug my fingers into her dress, squeezing her slightly doughy body and pulling her close. I let out a mean snarl as she tried to pull free, letting out a soft whimper as I squeezed the fleshy bits of her neck. It was weak, wanting, submissive. She was giving up, for the first time since I'd met her, she was giving up to me, not asking me, not forcing me, but letting me work as I wanted to.

I wrapped my right arm around her, tucking her back against my forearm. My left slid down her body, tugging at her sash on it's way down. Her tail was popped up, lifting her dress just enough for me to slid my finger under.

"Fuck you!" Lyra shouted, her magic breaking the sound of our breathing. "Who throws a shoe!?" She yelled, winging something at me. Before I could turn, let go of Bon Bon I felt a solid metal piece slam against the back of my head. I yanked my head back, pulling my hand away from Bon Bon's flank.

"Jesus- fucking ow!" I screamed, losing my balance and scrambling sideways, falling onto my shoulder and leaving Bon Bon to fall away. "What the fuck!?" I yelled, clutching my head to the sound of a horseshoe slowly ringing around the ground. "Why!?"

Lyra let out a soft yelp. "My ass! That's what you get for throwing shoes! Somepony's gonna throw one back!"

I tightened up into the fetal position, hands covering my head as the metal shoe ceased its flailing and snapped against the ground. "Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted, my vision locked up tight as I tried to keep from crying. "I- you can't throw that around!"

Lyra's hooves hit the ground hard, one missing the trademark thud of her shoes. "He threw his first!"

"Mine is canvas and rubber!" I screamed, rolling around and clutching the lump on the back of my dome. "You threw a metal bar at my head!" I interlaced my fingers, covering the bump. "Oooooooow!
> Pent Up
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I held Lyra by her horn and ass. "God damn I'm gonna fuckin--" I hurled the unicorn screaming into the afternoon air. "Raugh!"

"Holy crap!" Lyra yelped, flying onto the lawn and landing with a tumble. "Ryan, what the--"

I hurled a bag of coins at her. "Get a fucking hotel room!" I stood there, heaving in the doorway. "God damn it! Nice time is fucking over!" I shouted, "Ryan fucking mad!"

Lyra looked at me from the damp lawn. "Ryan...do I need to call somepony?"

I glared at her, my head throbbing from the horseshoe assault. "No. You need to go hang out with someone else. Because I am either going to murder someone, or I'm going to take it out on Bon Bon."

Lyra jumped upright. "Ryan! You need to take a--"

"Now I am either gonna turn around, bend her over a chair and stab that sweet god damn- fookin pussy so deep she won't even walk right in the mornin!" I devolved into a neanderthalian Jersey boy once again. "I'm gonna fuckin ram her so hard that little skirt is gonna fly up! I'm gonna slam that little asshole so god damn full of veiny cock she won't even be able ta stand the hell up!"

Lyra grew bright red, her ears straight upright. "Oh...uh...."

I hunched over, a mixture of rage and aggression focusing around my cock driving me towards insanity. "I swear to god, I'm gonna cream pie that mare so full of white hot ooze she won't--"

Lyra plopped down on the grass. "Ryan stop...it's making me feel funny...." Lyra yanked her tail up to her chest, hiding her face behind the end with her hooves. "I'm sorry about the--"

"Bitch! Find a room unless you want a white hot rage boner right in that pretty little mouth of yours!" I shouted. "Ryan fucking mad! Ryan fuck! Ryan sick of bullshit!"

Lyra lowered her tail, bright glowing red. "Um...so, were you serious about--"

"Get the fuck off my god damn lawn and let me bang my girlfriend's brains out!" I shouted, storming back inside and slamming the door. "Everything is terrible, and I hate magic!" I shouted, whirling around towards Bon Bon's white dressed form. "You!"

Bon Bon lurched back. "Uh, what was- whoa there!" I bolted at her, scooping her up with my shoulder. "Ryan!?"

"Ryan sick of bullshit! Ryan should have taken offer earlier! Ryan should also stop talking in the third!" I shouted, walking powerfully towards the bedroom. "Ryan don't even care anymore! Ryan horny, and angry, angry horny."

Bon Bon's voice was a little uneven. "Ryan, let's calm down here. I mean, I got all dressed up, thought we could have--"

"Look, I appreciate it-" I dug my fingers deep into Bon Bon's ass, causing her to yelp softly. "-but I'm gonna stuff your body full of cum. I'm gonna eat that plump little mare pussy, I'm gonna leave you wobbling for a week. Any objections?"

Bon Bon's breathing grew heavy, her heart beating hard against my shoulder. "Oh dear Celestia.... Are you--"

"I have my answer." I sat down on the bottom step of stairs and pulled Bon Bon over my lap. "It really is a pretty dress...gonna have so much fun taking it off." I pinned her against my lap with one hand and snuck the other under her dress, taking hold of her leg, her hock and causing her voice to skip and stutter. "Bon Bon, you nervous?"

Bon Bon looked up at me, blue eyes tempered and a bit frightful. "Well I wasn't expecting this!"

I ran my hand over her flank, heat radiating against my fingers as I passed her rear. "Amazing what a little pent of rage will do to a man, isn't it?" I pulled my hand back, bringing it back down hard across Bon Bon's flank. She let out a shrill yelp as I slammed my hand down on her squishy flank.

"Mama balls!" She shouted, trying to push off my lap. "Ryan wh--"

I brought my hand down hard, pulling her pussy lips open as I spread her cheeks. "Quiet you." I pushed her head down. "Ryan time." I grabbed her soft squishy flank, fingers damp and warm after their quick dip past her lips. "You like it, don't ya?" I asked, petting Bon Bon's head as I swatted her flank again. "Gonna squeal like the little filly you are?"

Bon Bon's breathing was heavy, her hooves desperately trying to gain traction on my knee. "Ryan, dear Celestia what the buck?" She held her eyes closed, face pink. "All it took was a horseshoe to the head, and you're--"

I slapped her flank again. "I swear to god I'm gonna make that voice tremble--"

"Oh gods my flank- you already are!" She shouted, trying to lift her head up. "Ryan, let me--"

I dug my fingers into her mane. "You like it rough, don't you?" I asked, slapping her flank and digging in with my fingers. "Tell me how you like it."

Bon Bon stared at the floor, eyes jammed shut as I tenderized her ass. "Ryan I'm--"

I slapped her flank, her thick curly tail shooting up as I spread her squishy rear. "You like it hard, tell me you like it."

Bon Bon's back legs trembled as I rubbed her soft supple rear. "Ryan...."

I grabbed hold of the base of her tail, running my thumb up and down her dock. "Like it in the ass, don't you? Gonna finger your tight little body soon, just gonna-" I dug the fat of my thumb against against her tail, sliding it down into the crook between her tail and plot and up to where the hair started. "Finger that sweet little ass, lubed up, waiting to get that hard cock shove right in there."

"F-uck-uck-fuck!" Bon Bon shouted, borrowing the human swear instead of the usual pony one. "Ryan! Just do i--"

"Beg me." I cooed, forcing her head back down. "Beg me to lay my cock in your mouth, beg me to stuff you full, go on. Be that sick little filly you want to be, get that hard dick you crave. Beg--"

"Fuck me!" She shouted, pushing my hand up and off her. "Stop teasing me for the love of Luna's ass!"

I stopped cold, hands half in and half out of her pussy. "God damn it...." I muttered, lifting her up and tossing her over my shoulder.

"What? What's wrong?" Bon Bon yelped, kicking and flailing as I started up the stairs.

I let out a long sigh, rubbing my face with my free hand all the while. "Ryan thinks Ryan is in love...Ryan doesn't know how to handle these emotions right now."

"Ryan...stop talking like that."

I pushed the door open. "Ryan too tired and too hurt to not talk about Ryan in the third person. But, Ryan also want fuck, and fuck want it greater than-- holy shit I sound like a monkey man."

Bon Bon kicked her back leg slightly. "You said it, a neanderthal?"

I stared at the bed, a deep sense of shame welling up in my gut. "...Yeah, sure, that's what I meant." I walked up to the edge of the bed. I tossed Bon Bon onto it, keeping her back legs dangling off the edge. "Anyways...we're gonna bang like filthy disgusting animals, deal?"

Bon Bon looked back at me as I ducked down under her dress. The smell was soft and sweet, but with a heat that cold melt iron behind it. "Deal? It's not much of a deal...."

I popped up, "Bon Bon I'm asking if I can stick my penis deep inside your body, in several ways. I'm trying to be...not cute about it, but like...playful?"

Bon Bon's back legs twitched. "I don't do cute."

I shrugged. "So just fucking like animals then?"

Bon Bon buried her head into the soft bedspread. "Ryan, seriously, are you gonna do some-fuck!" She yelped, her tail popping up and nearly flipping her dress up. "Mmmm, okay!" I slapped the inside of my fingers against her pussy, a pleasingly wet slap me reward. I teased her slit with my thumb, slowly moving it up towards her ass. "Ryan-Ryan-hold--"

I sunk my slickened thumb straight into her ass, the muscles clamping down immediately as I rocked my hand back and forth, sliding my fingers out of her pussy and thumb thumb into her ass. Each pull out was a push in for the other force. My mare howled heavily as I pistoned her backside. "Pretty mare, good mare."

"Fuuuuck my ass!" She yelped, her tail drooping down and brushing my arm. Her breathing kicked up, her muscles squeezing me as I tried to pull back, her slit dripping sticky white femcum over my fingers as I pulled and yanked her tender body.

I pulled my fingers out. "Bon Bon, I swear to god, everything about you makes me so damn happy. My penis is about to fucking rocket off right now." I slid my hands up and down Bon Bon's flanks, warm and soft. Her tail popped up, forcing her white dress up and revealing the beautiful pink and cream waiting for my seed. "God damn...Bon Bon, remind me to eat that pussy till you drop, but right now I'm just gonna...." I pulled back, undoing my zipper.

I took a deep breath as I forced my way out of my pants. "I swear to god...gonna wreck it." I slapped my cock against her squishy flank.

Bon Bon looked back, her forelegs dug deep into the blankets. "Oh god it's hot."

I slid myself along her soft coat, letting out a pleased groan as her hair massaged my turgid cock. "Alright, good to go." I pulled back, sliding myself along her belly. Bon Bon's clit flashed out, her slit opening up as she winked at me. "Oh you dirty little mare." I pulled back, hovering my cocktip around her clit.

Bon Bon's voice wavered as she dug her hooves in, her back legs trembling as her clit winked. "Ryan stop teasing my you motherbuck-fuck-ahh!" She kicked her back legs like a petulant child, "Stop it!"

I poked and prodded her slit, her clit winking each time I poked her. I could hear the catch in her voice when I pressed her button, each time causing her slit to flash open as the pink nub flipped open and quivered before my rock hard meat. "I don't think I can go back...." I laughed, poking her button. "Hungry...." I mumbled, reaching up and poking her hard nub with my fingers, her slit flashing open just long enough for me to dive in and skewer her. "Aah god, holy shit." I leaned my head back as I slid inside her.

Wet and warm, it tempered my cock like hot steel dipping into a trough of water. Bon Bon buried her face into the blankets, screaming at the top of her lungs and letting her legs go stiff as a board. I half expected steam to start lifting up from the joining. I could feel my heart skipping and stuttering as I slid deep into her waiting body. Bon Bon's body was relaxed, leaving me to burrow in as deep as I pleased against her soft wet insides.

I grabbed the base of her tail with my right hand, picking up her leg with my left and forcing her left leg up onto the bed, stretching her wide open for me. "Oh jesus fuck- oh god my heart is gonna explode." I panted, switching hands and holding her right leg stiff while I started to rock back and forth inside her. I tried to steady my breath, quickly losing that fight as she tightened up and stopped me dead in my tracks.

Bon Bon looked back at me, bright red across the nose. "Ryan I swear to Celestia you're gonna work for it!"

I caught my breath and slammed my hips against hers, dipping myself deep into her pulsating pussy. I pulled her tail hard, pulling back and slamming back through her undulating slit. I pushed forward, forcing her muscles apart and hanging on the edge of orgasm. Everything at the tip of my penis was mixed, pain and pleasure, tickles and compression. I leaned forward, her spread legs making things easier, but her muscle control was squeezing my rod in three different locations, three different pressures and three different sticky dips as I forcibly jammed myself inside her.

Bon Bon's voice lit up as I railed her, her voice shaking as hard as her leg. "Cumming, cumming!" She shouted, arching her back and leaning her head towards the sky. "Oh dear Celestia- fuck-fuck-bucky-fuck!"

I picked up the pace, no longer burdened by worrying about Bon Bon. "I swear to Christ above, I'm gonna make you scream!" I shouted, rocking back and forth like a maniac. "Here it comes, fucking cream that pussy hard!" I felt smooth bliss rattle down my cock, exploding out into the already sopping wet fuck hole. I lost focus, burying myself deep as I could. I pulled her tail, keeping her in place. I'd won. I was cumming inside the soft warm embrace of someone I loved, and I was going to be out of it.

I pulled back, my head spinning as I unplugged her and watched my cum drip out of her slit. "Oh Celestia...I can't feel my legs." Bon Bon moaned, kicking her legs out and dangling off the edge of the bed.

"Alright, for good measure." I pulled my cock back, sliding it in for two more overstimulated dips into her tight hole. My cock hurt, soothed by the warm mare around my cock. I pulled back, wet and sticky in the thick sweaty air. I pushed her tail down and stepped back. "Alright...I...need...a smoke."

********

I laid in bed with Bon Bon, still half dressed. "Ryan...that...was--"

"Was good right?" I asked, utterly calm in every way. "I feel, amazing."

Bon Bon snuggled up against my side, leaning her head against me neck. "Ryan...smoke."

I pulled the cigarette from my mouth, holding it for her and letting her take a deep drag. She pulled back, blowing a few rings into the air. "Oh wow, that's neat." I chuckled, cradling Bon Bon against me.

Bon Bon leaned against me hard. "Ryan...why are you still wearing a shirt?"

I took a deep breath, dashing the cigarette into my end table. "Uh...I'll explain soon enough. But why are you still in a dress?"

Bon Bon looked up at me. "Because you bent me over the bed before I could take it off."

I started to chuckle. "Yeah I did.... Fuck yes I did."
> Stuffed
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I grabbed Bon Bon's mane hard. "Fucking take that cock!" I slammed myself back inside of her, the sticky slip into her pink insides was still as warm and inviting as the day before. "Oh jesus- fucking- gonna cum!" I felt myself reaching that peak yet again. "Shit-come on hold it--" I started pasting Bon Bon's inside once again. "Nope!"

Bon Bon looked back, pulling her own mane as she faced me. Her nose was bright red again, her mane frazzled, curls and bobs unwound and frayed. "Mmm Celestia's sun...I can't feel my legs...." She let her head straighten out as I pulled her mane. "Ahhh-ah-ah-ah." She tried to limply thrust herself back as I shot my seed into her womb once again. "Ooooh gods...it feels like I just peed myself...and I love it."

I pulled out with one slick movement. My mind filled in the sound, shlorp, sticky, wet, as I pulled out of my mate's slammed pussy. I let Bon Bon's mane go, her face falling flat into a pillow as I started to stroke myself. "Come on- little--" I nearly lost consciousness as I shot a few waning spurts across Bon Bon's ass. "Fuuck, oh god there it is." I tired to catch my breath, failing horridly and lurching forward. "Uuugh. Stealing my soul...." I propped myself up on the bed with my hands, my spent cock poking her right asscheek. "Nothing but warm...mother fucking...fuzzies."

Bon Bon let out a sharp, shaky moan. "It's warm.... Oh Celestia...I don't think I can move." She laughed, laying her head against the pillow. "Heat...has been...sated--"

"Not mine." I mumbled, straightening my shirt and sliding off the bed. "Oh man, I feel like I'm half jelly." I shook my legs out, the tingly buzz refusing to leave my lower half at ease. "I'm gonna go, get something to eat. You want--"

"I could eat a horse." Bon Bon stated, flopping sideways and framing her wide hips with the sheets, a few spots of my cum streaked across her. Wide hips, pillowy ass, pink cream filled pussy. This mare was mine, and my body was just reveling in that fact at every possible moment. From the warm feeling in my toes to the tingle in my pants, right up to my brain buzzing like a hornets nest, I was in a strange, sexually fulfilled bliss.

"I'll eat a pony...eat that pussy till you scream my fucking name." I had abandoned my nice guy attitude for a while, slipping back into the jersey punk I used to be. And it felt good, warm in the belly. I never liked being that kind of jerk, but something about laying cum into a girl just pulled it out of me like a grade-A cumshot. "I will return, with food." I turned to the door. "Wrap myself in lettuce for--"

"Ryan...be careful, any more of this and you're gonna set expectations too high." Bon Bon rolled onto her back and stretched her legs out. "Oh god the air feels so nice...." Her back legs twitched and kicked as I stepped back towards the exit. "Cool, soft air...right along my slit, feels sooo nice."

I felt my heart jump as she laid flat on her back, legs spread, spent, half limp and half frozen in place by the violent dicking. "Bon Bon, I'm gonna go...if I stay any longer I'm gonna start hotdogging your ass.... I just- it's too much, too much." I turned to the door and stepped outside. "Too much hotnes-s-sesahhaha!" I yelped, finding Lyra staring at me through a window. "Holy fuck!"

"Let me in! It's been three days!" Lyra smushed her cheek against the glass. "I don't have anymore money! Come on, let me back in!"

I clutched my chest. "Oh Christ Lyra, you scared the dick out of me!"

"Liar! I can see it right there!" Lyra's voice was oddly muffled by the glass. "...Why are you wearing a shirt but no pants?"

I shook my head. "Jesus...wait, three days?" I started walking down the hall towards the stairs. "I though it was two...." I hurried down the steps, walking into the entry and pulling the door open. "Wait...second- how?" I turned back to the stairs, perplexed at how Lyra was peeking into the window. "Probably a ladder--"

"Ryan!" Lyra slid out before me, "Where's Bon Bon?! I mean seriously, three days, is she dead? Is she in your creepy sex dungeon?"

I watched Lyra walk in, tail whipping about like mad. "Sex dungeon? What?" I turned back to the door, watching a Rainbow Mane poke out of a bush. "Oh...that explains the window." I flung my door shut, a stiff breeze rushing past my genitals. "Oh...great, should probably put pants on." I scratched myself. "...Nah." I turned to the small table we kept by the door. "Food...food- oh.... That looks like fun." I flipped over a lakeside brochure for Ponyville. "Should go to the lake...clean off." I set the brocure down and continued looking through the collection of takeout menus. "...God damn it, they need like, Chinese food levels of laziness."

"Oh dear Celestia she's dead!" Lyra yelped, following a slamming door. "Wait...oh holy crap she's pregnant!"

I shook my head. "Lyra...she's--"

Lyra bolted back down the steps, missing the last and landing gut first on the floor. "Ryan...we need to call somepony!"

"Why, because I had sex with a mare?" I set the menus down. "What's the big--"

Lyra pressed her hoof against her horn. "Ryan, there's some crazy magical stuff going on, we need to go, we need to get pills, we need to--"

I ignored my neurotic friend. "Lyra, I need to eat. Now, sorry I forgot about you and the hotel thing, but I'll give your key back and--"

"You don't believe me!?" Lyra yelped, running up to me, nearly bopping herself with my penis. "Dude, you have to listen to me! Something is up, I know I'm not good with magic stuff anymore, but the horn knows man! The horn says weird things are happening in that mare! And it's either a possession, or a parasite, or something, but that mare has something inside of her!"

"So vegan or eggs?" I asked, turning back to Lyra with a pair of menus. "I'll figure something out for myself, but what do you want?"

"Ryan!" Lyra stomped her hooves. "This could be a matter of life or death!"

"No, I know, I fucked that mare's brains out. Now we need to restore brain function, and I don't know what would work better. Flowers or eggs." I held the menus up again. "Your call, but I won't be responsible when she goes comatose from the rigorous clitoral exercise."

Lyra looked at me, head cocked, mouth hanging open. She popped her mouth shut and looked around. "...So you don't--"

"Lyra, vegan or eggs!? This is a matter of life or death!"

Lyra glared at me, eventually easing her look and frowning softly. "Roses, with orchids to open up. You know, something sweet."

I nodded. "I'll make the call!"

Lyra smiled nervously. "Yeah that's great.... Wait, why are you wearing your shirt?"

"I don't want to talk about it."
> Oh
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I stared at Bon Bon. "Really?"

Bon Bon looked me up and down. "Really?"

I took a deep breath, rubbing my chest. "What? I don't like being shirtless."

Bon Bon stretched her sandal wrapped legs. "And you're staring at me funny for wearing a swim suit?"

I scratched my arms. "Well...ponies normally wear less--"

"Yeah well I started wearing clothes and I like it! What about you, I've seen shirtless humans. What are you hiding Ryan!?" Bon Bon darted towards me. "Huh!?"

I held her back, skidding across the floor slightly. "Bon Bon, Christ!"

Bon Bon continued to push me back. "Oh, it's fine when I wear clothes and we bang, it's fine when you wear a shirt too! But oh, I wear a bathing suit to the lake and suddenly I'm the weirdo!?" She turned her head, landing firmly against my gut. "Lyra! Get his shirt off!"

"Hey no no no!" I skidded along my bedroom floor, slowly pushed back and into the hall. "Lyra no!" I shouted, hearing hoofsteps behind me. "Lyra please--"

"I heard shirt! It's weird right?!" She shouted, watching me scoot past. "Wait...what's going on?"

Bon Bon started to laugh competitively. "Lyra, get his shirt off!"

"I don't like that laugh! That's an evil laugh!" I felt my sandals flop off as I tired to keep my ground. "Bon Bon stop it!"

Bon Bon just kept laughing. "I swear to Celestia, Ryan, you'd better be pushing me for a reason!" Her laugh was hot, evil, like she was about to skin me for fighting back. "Lyra!"

"Right, right, shirt thing!" Lyra raced between us. "I'm just gonna rip it, I'll buy you a new one!" Lyra pulled her horn between my buttons. "Here we go!"

"Lyra please no!" I felt the button on my shirts pop off. "No god damn it!"

"Holy buckmother!" Lyra shot back. "What the fuck!?"

Bon Bon looked up, eyes darting wide as she stopped pushing me. "Oh...oh my...." She backed up quickly. "Oh.... Just...just oh."

I pulled my shirt closed. "I told you I don't like taking my shirt off!"

Lyra and Bon Bon stood side by side staring at me, slack-jawed and wide eyed. "Oh...." Lyra mumbled, staring at my chest. "I uh...oh."

Bon Bon looked over at Lyra. "Oh, right? Like, seriously, oh."

The two ponies just sat there ohing at eachother. "God damn it...my shirt--"

Bon Bon snapped her head towards me. "The shirt? Fuck the shirt!" Bon Bon slammed her hooves into my waist, leaning her nose against my chest. "Oh dear Celestia, it's like- like--"

"Never skip chest days!" I shouted, the phrase burned into my brain. "I just...I don't- ahh." I shivered hard, clenching my hands together as Bon Bon licked my stomach. "Jesus, what the hell!?"

Bon Bon ignored me and pressed her tongue against my stomach. "Ooooh yes." Her eyes went a bit dim as she dragged her tongue over my chest. "Yes...it's exactly what it looked like!"

Lyra slowly walked over, hoof hanging out as she hobbled. "Why would you hide this!?" She pressed her hoof against my stomach. "Oh dear Celestia...it's so hard...ahhh!" She squealed like a little girl, beaming like mad and giggling. "Why!? Oh dear Celestia why did you hide this!?" Lyra kept her hoof against my chest, slowly rubbing up and down while giggling. "It's so tight!"

I grumbled softly as Bon Bon licked my chest and Lyra giggled, starting to blush. "This is- exactly why- I hid it! Because now I have a pony licking my- god damn chest!"

"I'm not gonna stop!" Bon Bon shouted, leaning against me. She turned her head, pushing her crown against my gut. "It's mine! Yes yes yes--"

I slammed back first into a wall. "God damn it Lyra! You couldn't leave the shirt thing alone! I try to move past that, and ya just keep bringing it back up!" I threw my hands out, Bon Bon still nuzzling my body. "I was a god damn football player alright! I just- two things...I got two things going for me! Work ethic and this!" I pointed to my abs. "I ain't got much, and I don't like to let one overshadow the other!"

Lyra squealed like an enamored schoolgirl. "What position!?"

"Wha- how- do you even know football!?" I shouted, trying to ignore Bon Bon as she rubbed her mane against my chest, leaving the smell of her shampoo against my skin. "I feel like I'm being marked...."

"You are." Bon Bon cooed. "This...no more secrets."

"Well I've got nothing else to freaking hide!" I huffed, turning to Lyra. "And half back. I was a runner, but I could take a decent hit." I rubbed my shoulder. "Just...broke my arm once and decided to quit. Drifted from job to job and wound up here."

"Yay," Lyra cheered softly, but with a hardy squeak to her voice. "I love it!"

I pulled my shirt closed, Bon Bon's head locked inside. "I don't.... I took my shirt off once in Canterlot and a mare walked face first into a no carriage sign cause she was staring at me." I shook my head. "I think a lot of fit people come to Equestria...just, because of how the portal is. It's really not made for bigger individuals." I coughed roughly as Lyra forced her hoof back into my shirt. "And by bigger, I mean fat people. Fatty fat- fat little- fat!" I hissed, thinking back to my grade school years. "Never again!"

"Oh yes again!" Bon Bon yanked herself out of my shirt. "I'm gonna burn your clothes so you can never hide this from me again!"
> Changing
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"God damn it." I charged into the changing room at the lake. "Fucking, bullshit!" I shouted, slamming the thin wooden door closed. "Just- bullshit!" I crossed my arms over my chest. I'd gone outside once with my shirt off, watched a mare slam cheek first into a mailbox, watched Bon Bon scream at a stallion until she was blue in the face.

"I told her, I fucking told her!" I reached into my backpack, rummaging around for a shirt or something. "Oh...come on...no, no!" I reeled back, slamming against the side of the changing room. "What the fuck is this!?" I squealed, pointing my hands towards the backpack. "This- what the fuck happened to my shirt!?"

I reached in and grabbed the white tank top. "What the hell happened!?" I shouted, looking at the ripped up mess. "God damn it Bon Bon, I know it was you!" I shouted, holding the now ruined shirt against my chest. I barely covered my pectorals, and left my mid section completely exposed. "I'm gonna fucking- do something mean!" I threw the shirt down. "Summer is ruined!"

My grumbles were swiftly cut off by the sound of a cordless drill, whirling away. "What the hell?" I looked around, spotting one of the walls of the room start to shake. "Uh...what?" I watched as a strange drill poked through the wall. "...That's.... Why the fuck?" I watched as the wall was eaten away. A small left over disk was plopped out as the hole saw bit retracted from the wall. "Um...seriously, what the--"

I watched as a few bits of duct tape were thrown into the hole, covering up the freshly drilled edged of the hole in the wall. "What the fuck!?" I shouted, holding my hands up. "That's a fucking glory hole!" I clutched the sides of my head as a hoof smoothed out the duct tape. "Oh my god damn Christ!" I watched the hoof circle the hole, quickly pulling back and slamming against the wall.

"Hi there...." A strange voice shot through the thin wooden wall. "Got mares waiting stud, you gonna help us out?"

I slammed my head to the wall. "Who the hell is this!?" I peeked through the hole. "Who the hell!?" I spotted a bright blue coat with a swinging pink mane occasionally passing the hole. "Wait...I fucking know you! Aloe, Lotus!? What the fuck are you doing!?"

"... Can you not tell?"

I snapped upright, an extremely annoyed look carved into my face. "... Fuck it!" I pulled my shorts down. "You wanted this Bon Bon! You fucking wanted this!"
> Beep
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"You know, I thought, maybe I should stop this."

"I'm sorry."

"But I figured, if he's dumb enough to start, let him deal with all those mares waiting."

"I'm sorry!"

"I mean, there were like twenty, Ryan. You really--"

"I did a dumb!" I shouted, gripping the sides of the hospital bed. They'd plopped me down with an IV in my arm after wheeling me in on some stretcher. Severe dehydration was my knockout, and sure enough they were pumping me full of wonder fluids to replenish my ruined balls. "I'm stupid, I know!"

Bon Bon turned around and slapped me with her tail. "Earth pony like orgy, earth pony supposed to--"

"Bon Bon please! Can I just sit here and recover without you sticking me every five seconds?!" I sunk deep into my cushy bed. "I get it! I fucked up! I fucked up so bad I ended up in the god damn hospital...now please--"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes hard, painfully so. "Is this because of the shirt thing? Because, remember that was Lyra, not--"

"You instigated it!"

The door to my clean white room flung open. "Bon Bon-" Lyra's voice bounced around. "-I need you to pee on something for me!"

Bon Bon and I both turned our heads to face the door. Bon Bon's ears flattened back as Lyra peeked in with something in her magic. "Lyra, why?"

Lyra looked around the room. "Proving a point. So can you help or what?" She trotted up to my bed and waved a hoof at me. "Hey Ryan, how's the junk?"

"Obliterated." I laid back in my bed and grunted. I couldn't even adjust myself with the IV stuck in my arm. "Feels like I got mangled with a meat tenderizer." I turned to face the mares. "And sorry I ruined beach day."

Bon Bon nodded. "Oh, well that wasn't really the beach. But you'll make it up to me."

"Please no." I shrunk down into my sheets.

Bon Bon smiled and put her hoof on my chest. "Oh no, you're taking me to an actual beach. So, I hope you have some money saved up."

I frowned hard. "I would...you didn't let me take the second job so--"

"Ryan...stop." Bon Bon rubbed my stomach. "This little dumbshit move aside, you really need to calm down."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Bon Bon, there's no good TV and they're barely setting up internet in Canterlot, what else am I supposed to do?"

Bon Bon sat back and shrugged. "Sex? You could fix the house? Go to school?"

I growled softly. "Vocational degrees count.... If I'd finished it." I grumbled and turned to Bon Bon. "I'm not great with tools, and my dick is about to fall off. I could run a store, I could-- I can.... I could cut hair...." I dropped back into my pillow. "Euuurgh."

Bon Bon cocked her head. "You can cut manes?"

"I said hair." I shifted around in my bed. "That's actually what I was leaning to before I came to Equestria." I laughed softly. "Everyone back home called me a fag. They were...they were not completely wrong." I frowned hard. "I got a little weird back when I was training."

Bon Bon chuckled softly. "I thought you worked for some human company? Isn't that how I hired you?"

I nodded. "They told people, hey do this, and we did it. It was like a temp agency with no requirements."

Bon Bon scratched her head. "So they sent a mane stylist to make candy?"

I shrugged slightly. "No requirements. So long as you didn't light someplace on fire, they would find you work. I mean, before that I was a paid escort-- Not a whore!" I wiggled around as Lyra lifted Bon Bon's leg. Bon Bon kicked back and nailed her across the forehead. "Oh!"

"Bucking piss!" Lyra swung around and bolted to the door outside. "Ow!"

Bon Bon stretched her back leg. "I figured you'd done something stupid with Rainbow Dash, was that it?"

I huffed softly. "Yeah...I got drunk on the job because she was spazzing out at a social gathering in Canterlot."

Bon Bon drooped her head down a little. "And you--"

"Look, it's handled. And I just got dumb drunk." I looked off towards my window to the outside world. "Anyways, which beach are you talking about?"

Bon Bon shook her head. "Either, or."

I turned to face her. "Bon Bon, lived in New Jersey for my whole life up until last November. I don't even know what this country looks like on a map."

Bon Bon rolled her eyes hard. "Two shores, we boarder the icecap on the north and Saddle Arabia in the south. So, we can either go to Baltimare or Manehattan in the east or, Van Hoover or Los Pegasus in the west. I'll let you pick."

I nodded. "Should probably wait until we get out of here first."

Bon Bon sighed. "Yeah, are they going to release you soon?"

I shrugged again. "No idea. They probably told you more."

Bon Bon groaned. "Dehydration and a minor case of crotch rot.... By the way, have I mentioned you're stupid?"

I sighed. "Not enough."

Bon Bon put her hoof on my bed. "You know, it's a good think you're sweet."

I laughed gently. "Well, we do work in a--" Bon Bon's smile turned to an immediate frown. She shoved my bed away with all her weight. "Holy shit!" I bounced off the wall with a plasticy rattle. "Bon Bon, why?!"

Bon Bon shook her head. "Joke, dead, don't, make, it." She turned to the door. "I'll go find Lyra. You sit there and feel shame."

I watched her leave, her tail swatting loudly as she dipped out. "Jesus...candy mare not happy. Sour can--" I saw a hoof jut into the room, upraised and shaking. "Okay! Okay.... God damn."
> Tests
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I finished getting undressed, ready to get some sleep after getting discharged and getting a sweet patch bandaid from the hospital. "You think it's safe to take this off?" I poked the bandage on the inside of my elbow. "Bon Bon?"

Lyra peaked into our room instead. "Hey...Bon Bon's not here." Lyra walked in and kicked the door shut. "So...I got something to tell you."

I felt my boxers grow uncomfortably tight, my battered member screaming in terror silently. "I need an adult?"

Lyra walked up to me, her horn fizzing. "You are an adult..." She reached up and pulled me down by my shoulder. "Now...this is really important Ryan...so I'm gonna whisper in your ear."

I stared straight ahead as Lyra leaned against me. "Is this--"

"Kiss my dick." Lyra slammed her temple into the side of my dome. "Wah bam!"

I took a step back. "Lyra, why!?" I rubbed my head, the sudden impact already starting to send a deep throbbing through my temple. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Lyra reached into her saddlebags. "Check--" She threw a plastic stick at me, "--This--" She threw another, sending it bouncing off my chest. "--Out--" Another. "--You--" Another went sailing over my head. "Dick!" She held one out in her hoof. "I told you something was wrong! I told you I was getting weird tingly brain sense!"

I looked at the stick in her hand. "What the hell is that? Is that a pregnancy test?" I took it from her hoof, turning it over and over. "Is this the whole thing you were worried about?" I stared at her as she collected up the tests. "You do realize it's impossible, right? Ponies aren't Asari--"

"That's from Mass Effect, right?" Lyra cocked her head. "Somepony on earth had that game, it was a lot of fun being all spacy." She smiled at me. "But, read that test Ryan, read it good."

I looked the test over. "I-- Uh.... Two bars...."

"Uh huh." Lyra put a different test into my hand.

"Positive...." I felt my cheeks tug downward. "Alright who did you get to do this?! Because what you're saying is--"

Lyra put another test into my hand. "This brand was made for ponies especially." She put another one into my hand. "That's for interspecies couples." Another test was laid upon the stack. "And again, and this one is for all races--"

I dropped the stack of tests. "Lyra, are you done? This is such crap, and I have piss on my hands! Bon Bon's piss, but still--"

Lyra smiled wide at me. "Remember when I said you should go see somepony? About how I could tell something was up?"

I frowned softly and adjusted my boxers. "Your point?"

Lyra walked around me, her tail encircling me like a cat. "You ever heard of a Hippogryph? Or a Drake? Or a Kennel Pony?"

I scratched my head. "No?"

"Half griffon half pony, half dragon half pony, half pony half diamond dog, respectively." She nodded sharply and stood before me. "I guess humans adapted, so congratulations." She spun around and flipped her tail up at me. "You get to kiss my ass!"

I looked down at her backside. "Lyra...why aren't you wearing pants? Panties? Something?"

"Because you're wearing your boxers, and you weren't asleep enough for me to steal them yet." She bumped her flank towards me. "Now kiss my ass!"

I rubbed my head. "So that's where that hair was coming from, your damn tail." I took a deep breath and ran my fingers back through my hair. "How long have you been doing this?"

Lyra bumped her flank against my leg. "A while. Now, about that kissing my ass thing, I know ya want to."

I stared at her, face twisted up with a smug grin. "Lyra...you can read minds, you know I don't want to." I bumped her away with my knee. "Now can you get out?"

Lyra wiggled her flank against my leg. "Mmmmhhhmm--mm-mm--mmmhmm, nope, not until you kiss my sweet minty green ass!" She smiled back at me, wide as could be. "Kiss my lyre!"

I shook my head. "Isn't it a harp?"

Lyra's face scrunched up into a frown. "It's on my ass...I think I know what it is."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, anyways can you go? It's late, I have a boo boo, I'd like to get some rest."

Lyra chuckled. "Boo boo?"

I nodded. "Yes, boo boo. I got stuck with a needle, I'd call that a boo boo."

Lyra bumped me with her flank again. "That's cute. You'll make a fun dad."

I shook my head. "Maybe? One day." I shrugged. "Now, it's been pretty funny Lyra, but--"

Bon Bon sulked into the room, completely ignoring me and Lyra. She crawled into bed and curled up. The lights went out as she pressed a button near her bedpost. "Ryan...."

I looked over towards her. "Yeah? You alright?"

Bon Bon sighed loudly. "We need to talk tomorrow. And, you should probably kiss her ass."

I stared at the mare as she wrapped herself up in a blanket. "Bon Bon?"

She huffed loudly and nuzzled her pillow. "Kiss her ass--"

Kiss--my--ass!" Lyra bumped me with her flank between each word. "Do it!"

I looked back up to Bon Bon. "Hey...sweetie, you're joking, right?" She said nothing. I laughed. "Bon Bon? Right?" I looked down at Lyra who was grinding herself against my leg. "Sweetie?" I looked down at the pile of tests. "Right!?"

"No Ryan, not joking. Tomorrow, talk, tonight, ass kissing." Bon Bon pulled her sheet over her head. "I asked a doctor while you were out, the idiot is right."

I held my hands out. "So, the person stupid enough to stick her horn in a lightsocket can detect pregnancies?! And you're pregnant?!" I swung around and grabbed a box of tissues from my dresser. "Biology is a lie!" I hurled the box at the ground. "I'm glad I failed that subject now!" I grabbed my head. "Oh god...this is some sick joke right?! Ponies can't--"

Lyra started laughing. "You know, ponies always could! It's just humans that are weird now! You're weird, ponies aren't, eat my ass!" Lyra started dancing before me, twerking pony style. "Mmmmhmm, horn socket girl knows her shizznit!"

"Alright!" I threw my hands up. "I'm gonna go disprove this just to make you look like an asshole!"

Lyra started laughing. "Oh I know I'm an asshole right now! But damn it feels good to be right!" She spun around, eyes narrow, grin eating so much shit it could have been repurposed as a sewer pipe.

I knelt down and held my arms up. "Lyra, you're prodding me--"

Bon Bon shot upright. "Bon Bon-- No...I'm Bon Bon...." She rubbed her head. "Sorry...been asking myself what happened for a few hours. Ryan! Doctor said there's something inside me, they couldn't tell what, but I'm either pregnant or I have a parasite! And I know you might not think so, but I haven't cheated on--"

"I said I was sorry about that!" Lyra pushed her flank against my chest. "Lyra, I'm gonna put you upside down in the toilet!"

"Try it filly--"

"Alright! Both of you out!" Bon Bon slammed her hoof against her nightstand. "Couch! Couch! Out! Get out before I throw a lamp!"

I held my arms out. "Baby don't--" Bon Bon sat upright. I watched her hoof slowly drift over towards the lamp by her head.  "Okay okay okay okay-- ahhh-badhabuh!"
> A Snap
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"...Yes." Bon Bon nodded. "...We're keeping this quiet I take it?"

I took a deep breath and snapped the bracelet to Bon Bon's hoof. "Until Lyra's gone." I crouched down and looked her in the eyes. "Bon Bon, I'm really sorry--"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "You should be. I'm not gonna be a good mom...."

I bit my lower lip. "You sure you want to go through with this then?" I rubbed my arm. "Could go--"

"No." Bon Bon lifted her head. "I'm old enough...you're good enough--"

"My pride...."

"Oh shut up." Bon Bon snorted and walked out of the closet. "Now get out of there."

I stood up and ducked out of the closet. "It was quiet in there." I scratched my arm. "...So.... I guess--"

"Say it." Bon Bon smiled up at me. "I don't think I've really ever heard you say it."

I rubbed my chest and looked over my shoulders. "She's gonna pop up when I--"

"Who cares." Bon Bon sighed heavily. "I love you, can you not say the same about me?"

I took a deep breath and ducked down. "You are my candy mare...I love you...and I'll never stop." I kissed her on the nose. "But--"

"Ha!" Lyra's hoof shot out before her. "She's pregnant! And that's an engagement hooflet! You can kiss my fucking fat flank!" Lyra reached back around the corner she was hiding behind and slapped her flank. "I told you! I Told you and--"

"And I did this quietly so it wouldn't be a big deal right now...." I put my hands on my hips as I stood. "But...hey, you want to make it a big deal, guess what--"

"What!? That I was right, and you're trying--"

Bon Bon shook her head and stepped forward. "We're kicking you out."

Lyra's laughing slowly petered away. "That's...not funny...."

I shook my head. "I don't know. Your face is pretty funny right now." I reached down and rubbed Bon Bon's ear. "But yeah, I proposed all quiet, so...we're keeping it quiet for now, but yeah, I'm not sharing a house with a roommate while I have a wife." I ducked down and held her head against my side. "She gets what she wants and what she deserves now."

Bon Bon laughed quietly. "Sorry Lyra, but we're gonna need another room anyways." She sighed and nuzzled my face with her neck.

Lyra just sat there, staring at us. "Fine.... But I'm retaining visiting rights. And I want to be the Maid of Honor!"

Bon Bon sighed. "We're not doing that."

Lyra huffed. "What?!"

"Keeping it quiet. Probably gonna tell a few ponies, but I don't want this to be a big deal."

I nodded and stood up. "To be honest, I'm just happy to be here." I rubbed my chest. "Not so much about being sexually harassed...but, I couldn't pick a better person to tie up with."

Lyra's eyes crossed as her frown grew heavy. "You two suck." She shook her head hard. "Just kicking me--"

Bon Bon sneezed. "You do real-- eugh. You do realize we're going to wait until this sorts itself out, right?" She pointed to her stomach. "So, few months."

Lyra coughed into her hoof. "Oh. Hmm." She scrunched up her muzzle and looked to me. "So you can--"

I smiled and cocked my head. "Say it one more time, and I will throw you out."

Lyra smiled. "Kiss my flank."