When Princess Twilight started dating both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, she knew there were going to be some hiccups along the way. But she was ready for them! Until she ran into Hearts and Hooves Day.
(Very loosely) based on the true story of a poly acquaintance of mine trying to find a restaurant on Valentine’s Day for herself and her two mates.
Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy are going out to enjoy their first Hearts and Hooves Day as a triad. Twilight has everything planned down to the dot, from when they’ll arrive at the restaurant in Canterlot to exactly how many rose petals will be on the cloud-bed at her room in the palace when they get home (forty five, and only true rose petals, no stamens – three roses for each of them, one red, one yellow, one dyed blue.)
Then she finds out about one technicality that never even crossed her mind. La Romanetique, Canterlot’s premier high-class dining establishment, only serves couples on Hearts and Hooves Day.
The earth shall tremble. The heavens shall fall. Tartarus itself shall disgorge its most feared inmates… but Princess Twilight Sparkle and her marefriends shall dine tonight!
Princess Twilight took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the roses that she’d selected for the evening. She grinned as she set the delicate crystal vase holding them off to the side, for when she returned after the movie.
Dinner and a movie… on Hearts and Hooves Day… with my own Very Special Someponies! Twilight let out a most unprincess-like squeal of joy, bouncing up and down on the tips of her hooves. The guards outside her door at the castle smiled privately to themselves; for all her rank, privilege, and power, she was still the same Twilight Sparkle they'd known growing up as a filly under Celestia’s wings. No matter how much she’d protested that she was perfectly happy with her books, they’d always known she needed real friends.
And now, more-than-friends.
The two snow-white pegasus guards drew themselves up to attention as they heard voices approaching from down the hall. Well… voice, to be honest, though it wasn’t any flaw in their hearing that kept them from hearing the other side of the conversation.
“…I’m saying is that Twi doesn’t have to go to all this trouble!” The brash, slightly raspy voice said, rounding a corner in the middle of a sentence. It was Rainbow Dash, dressed in her Gala best, and not looking at her most comfortable that way to be honest. Her companion, Fluttershy, followed a moment later, unheard by anypony but the one she was talking to. One of the two guards glanced over at them, and raised an appreciative eyebrow at the sleek, nature-themed dress Fluttershy was wearing, before he remembered who she was and looked forward at the wall again.
His partner chuckled before striking a steel-shod hoof against the cobblestones.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Ladies Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are here to see you,” he announced, receiving another delighted squeal from inside in response.
“Oh my… I don’t think I’ve heard her like that since she asked you out!” Fluttershy smiled gently as she and Rainbow stepped up to the door.
“I don’t know about you, but I think I could stand to hear her squeal like that more often,” Rainbow whispered to Fluttershy quietly. The yellow mare’s cheeks turned a bright orange as she hid behind her long pink mane. To their credit, the guards gave no sign of hearing Rainbow’s remark, merely inclining their heads to the two mares.
Inside the room, Twilight was working through her breathing exercises.
Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out. They’re going to love it tonight. I have reservations at the most romantic restaurant in Canterlot, Rainbow Dash is going to love the premier of Daring Do and the Crystal Empire, I’m not going to spend the whole movie complaining about the historical and archaeological inaccuracies, Fluttershy is going to adore going through the Royal Night Garden, then we’ll come back up here and… and… and….
A tuft of Twilight’s mane popped out of place as her eyes widened. Her pupils narrowed, her imagination running wild at the very thought of the close of the evening, something they’d all been looking forward to for months, even if Fluttershy wouldn’t admit it. Then Equestria’s newest Princess heard a knock at the door. She started towards it, but caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and gasped, hurriedly working on taming her mane again.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, out, in… hoookay, Twilight Sparkle, get it together! You do not need to be getting ahead of yourself like that! Stick to the plan, and everything… is going… to be… fine!
Twilight took one last deep breath, and then grinned broadly as she opened the door with her magic, revealing her marefriends on the other side.
“Wow, Twi, you look great!” Rainbow whistled as she looked the lavender mare up and down. Twilight blushed, stepping forward to give Rainbow a light nuzzle.
“Flatterer,” she giggled, turning to kiss Fluttershy’s cheek gently. “I can’t look better than the two of you always do! Come on, we’re getting dinner at La Romanetique, and that’s just the start!”
“Hey, I might be about the speed, but we don’t have to hurry that much!” Rainbow grinned, reaching up with a wing to turn Twilight’s face back towards her and claim a lingering kiss. Twilight murmured something dreamily into Rainbow’s mouth, but whatever the words were must not have been important. Or at least less important than a long-delayed opportunity to make out with Rainbow!
“Ahem,” one of the guards coughed politely. “Your majesty, if the lines at La Romanetique are as long as normal, you may wish to depart shortly.”
“Reservations,” Twilight murmured, briefly breaking her kiss to do so. “Reservations!” She gasped, eyes flying wide open as she remembered. “Come on, girls, we’re running late!” Twilight ran through to the balcony of her room and took flight, followed swiftly by Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
The guard who had reminded them of their appointment closed the door to Twilight’s quarters with an affectionate smile. He looked over at his partner slyly, noting the blush beneath bright white fur.
“Want to take a coffee break and take care of that?” He asked with a smirk.
“I think it’d be better if I didn’t move,” the slightly younger guard observed, his blush brightening.
“Go get us some coffee, Stout. If you’re quick about it, I’ll help you take care of things after our shift,” the older one winked. He chuckled to himself at the clatter of armor as Private Stout Heart took off, looking forward to when their relief arrived for the night.
Meanwhile, the three marefriends touched down a few blocks from the restaurant, pausing to smooth out their dresses and manes from the flight.
“I’m surprised you were able to get reservations for tonight, Twilight,” Fluttershy observed as they started to trot down the street to their destination, where the line was already visible. “La Romanetique is very exclusive, from what Photo Finish told me when we did a shoot there.”
“Come on, Fluttershy,” Rainbow scoffed. “A Princess, the best flyer in Equestria, and a former supermodel? Oh, and we’ve saved Equestria at least four or five times by now. It’s not like they’re dropping their standards for us.”
“Well, I know, but Twilight doesn’t like using her rank, and their reservations are usually so full,” Fluttershy explained quietly. “Just look at how many ponies are already here waiting!”
“Well, for you two, I’m willing to let rank have a few privileges.” Twilight blushed faintly as they walked up to the maitre’d at the door, bypassing the long line of ponies who’d decided to wait for one of the few tables that weren’t already taken.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle and guests,” she said politely to the elderly grey earth pony stallion. His salt-and-pepper mane was slicked back in a fashion that had been out of style since Shining Armor had been born, but his tuxedo was immaculately kept, and the dress shirt on his flank marked him as especially suited for his officious task. He smiled as he looked at the three mares, checking his list and ticking Twilight’s name off of it.
“Of course,” he said politely, inclining his head towards them. “If you will come in, we have a table waiting for you and your dates. I assume they are arriving separately?”
The short fur on the back of all three mares’ necks rose, though for different reasons.
For Rainbow, it was the sort of feeling she had when wrangling thunderstorms, shortly before a bolt of lightning would come shooting her way.
For Fluttershy, it was the delicate sensibilities of a would-be mother hen watching her beloved chicks and knowing that, somewhere, timberwolves were lurking nearby, waiting to pounce.
For Twilight, it was the result of all her self-control and restraint being forced into high gear in an effort not to slap the maitre’d in front of hundreds of witnesses. Instead, she spread her wings and laid one over the back of each of her marefriends.
“These are my dates, Mister…?”
Fluttershy fidgeted despite Twilight’s public display of affectionate protection, looking around at the ponies who were staring at the three of them. Even Rainbow Dash, normally thriving in the spotlight, was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with where she saw this going. She could feel the tension in Twilight’s wing, the micro-tremors that were part of an instinctive fight-or-flight response even Twilight probably didn’t realize she had yet.
“Stuffed Shirt, your Majesty. Your reservation says that you have reserved three tables for two,” he observed archly. Twilight folded her wings in against her sides again, frowning at the new information.
“Then the pony who took my information was wrong. I said a table for three. Now, if you will show us the way?”
“That will be quite impossible, your Majesty.” Everypony watching gasped at Stuffed Shirt’s casual, yet polite, refusal of the royal request. “La Romanetique serves only couples on Hearts and Hooves Day. We are not open to large groups.”
Twilight’s left eye twitched, and Rainbow could hear her jaw clenching, teeth grinding together.
“Large groups? Excuse me, but three is hardly a large group, particularly when you were expecting six.” Twilight’s horn glowed as she plucked the list of reservations out of Stuffed Shirts’ hooves. Her voice was entirely too cheerful as she glanced over it. “You’ve already set aside three tables for us. Simply bring out a third chair for one, and give the other two to some of these lovely couples here that weren’t able to get reservations.”
Stuffed Shirt leaned forward, taking the list in his teeth and patiently pulling it back to his podium.
“Your Majesty,” he said slowly, evenly, like a calculus teacher explaining addition to a particularly slow student. “La Romanetique only serves couples on Hearts and Hooves Day. This is a long-standing rule of the restaurant, which everypony of the class La Romanetique typically serves understands. Of course, given your recent ascension to your position, such misunderstandings are forgivable.”
Now Rainbow was bristling along with Twilight, and the sky blue mare took a half-step forward.
“Do you have any idea who you’re talking to, buster?” She demanded.
“The Princess Twilight Sparkle and her marefriends,” Stuffed Shirt replied evenly. “I am being quite patient, in respect of the Princess’ rank and youth. However, I am not going to contravene a rule established before my lifetime simply to satisfy royal whim. If only two of you wish to come in, that would be just fine.”
“Hey, no feathers off my wings,” Rainbow snorted dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Twi, you and Fluttershy go have a good time, I’ll go grab some hay fries from a good restaurant and wait for you outside.” She started to turn around and open her wings, but Twilight’s wing on her back again stopped her.
“No,” the young Princess ordered with a too-wide smile. “No, Dash, I am not going to play favorites. And I am not going to let some relic from the Dark Ages discount my relationship because of an arbitrary rule that doesn’t even make sense! We’ll take the Princess Dining Room,” she said cheerfully, beaming at Stuffed Shirt proudly, maybe even just a hint smugly.
“I’m sorry, it’s already been taken,” the maitre’d countered. Twilight’s right eye twitched this time.
“That room has been reserved not just for royalty, but for the Princesses themselves, since your restaurant opened,” she pointed out flatly. “The only reason I didn’t reserve it in the first place is because I don’t especially like throwing my rank around.”
“And yet, you expect me to break yet another rule established since La Romanetique opened on account of your rank,” Stuffed Shirt observed.
“No, I expect you to break that rule because it is arbitrary, discriminatory, and stupid!” Twilight retorted through a stiff smile, failing to notice the five pegasus-drawn carriages approaching through the darkness. “I know that the Celestial Sisters are occupied with a royal dinner of their own, so I fail to see who could have –“
“Twiley!” Shining Armor called out cheerfully, waving from the window of the lead carriage as it landed.
“Shining Armor?” Twilight looked over at her big brother, completely shocked out of her diatribe. Stuffed Shirt rolled his eyes and ushered through two of the increasingly impatient couples at the start of the line while she was distracted.
“Surprised to see you here!” Shining Armor stepped out of the carriage, pausing to help Cadance out while the Royal Guards who were hauling the carriages stepped around to help the crystal pony nobles inside out and onto the cobblestones. “I thought La Romanetique only served couples tonight, not triads!”
“We do, Sir Shining Armor,” Stuffed Shirt pointed out. “Party of twenty two, for the Princess Dining Chambers?”
“That’s us,” Cadance smiled.
“Don’t do large groups on Hearts and Hooves Day, huh?” Twilight asked dryly.
“All couples, your Majesty,” Stuffed Shirt countered, motioning for the entourage to continue through. “The Royal Couple and the married heads of the ten leading families of the Crystal Empire. It is not merely a matter of maximizing seating, but also a matter for the kitchen, since our special menu for the evening is comprised of dishes specifically designed for two.” He looked around, trying to identify the source of a sudden sound. “Was that a ‘sproing?’”
“Come on, Twilight, let’s find somewhere else to eat,” Fluttershy said softly, surreptitiously reaching up to straighten her marefriend’s mane. “It was a lovely thought, but –“
“No!” Twilight snapped, shooting a glare at Fluttershy that sent the former model cowering behind her mane. Turning back to Stuffed Shirt, Twilight stepped up to him, standing up on the edge of the podium to look him directly in the eyes.
“You do realize that I could have this place shut down until next Hearts and Hooves Day with health inspections if I wanted to, right?” She whispered harshly, not wanting anypony else to hear her. Part of her brain was screaming that she was stepping out of line, but the rest of it was busy smothering that part to death with a pillow cased in righteous indignation and filled with checklists that would never be finished if The Plan wasn’t allowed to be completed as conceived.
“Your Majesty,” Stuffed Shirt replied evenly, not backing away so much as an inch, “La Romanetique has been one of Canterlot’s leading restaurants for centuries. I have personally been at its doors every night it has been open, keeping its rules, for longer than you have been alive, let alone been a Princess. It has weathered, and I along with it, disasters both natural and arcane, from rockslides to rogue tornados to Changeling invasions to Discord himself arriving earlier in the evening and asking for a table for two for himself and a handsome young ram. La Romanetique is not merely a restaurant, it is part of the foundation of Canterlot itself, and I the guardian at its gates.
“If you think for one second that I am about to let you force your way through those gates with baseless threats that you have no intention of actually following through with, knowing that even if you did it would be your reputation left in tatters, not La Romanetique’s, then you are not only sadly mistaken, but shaming your crown with the very suggestion. Now, if you wish to come back as a couple, we shall save a table for you. However, otherwise, I suggest that you leave before you make even more of a mule out of yourself.
“No offense,” he added, turning to look at the pair at the front of the line.
“None taken,” the two well-dressed hybrids responded evenly, entering the restaurant at his indication.
“Come on Twilight,” Rainbow sighed. “It’s not worth it. We’ve got the whole royal kitchen to ourselves, remember?”
“This. Isn’t. Over.” Twilight growled through clenched teeth, turning to walk away with Rainbow and Fluttershy.
“They always say that,” Stuffed Shirt observed. “And yet, the rules remain unchanged.”
“Twi, we really don’t need to do this,” Rainbow sighed. “We know you wanted to take us out there, but the cooks can’t be better than the Princesses’, and… well, it’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Right!” Twilight grinned as she looked up from the parchment she’d been scribbling on. “It’s the thought that counts, so thinking more makes it more important!” Her left eye was twitching, her mane slightly askew no matter how much Fluttershy fussed about trying to keep it in shape. Both pegasi were having flashbacks to what they’d taken to calling the T-Word Incident, but they weren’t sure if drawing Twilight’s attention to it would help, or make things worse.
“And that’s why I’ve drawn up a fool-proof plan to get us inside!” The Princess grinned broadly as she held up her parchment, covered in equations and notes that Rainbow was reasonably certain made no sense to anypony but the one who’d made them.
Assuming, of course, that they did even to her. Still, better to play along than to ask for an explanation of the math. They’d be here all night if she did that.
“Okay… so what is this plan?”
“It’s simple!” Twilight explained. “They only serve couples tonight, so all we have to do is go in as two couples! We find a fourth pony who’d like to eat out at one of the most exclusive restaurants in Canterlot, wouldn’t mind doing so by pretending to be the date of a former supermodel, and understands that it’s only pretending to be her date! Then we walk up to that obstinate, hyperdogmatic, superannuated jerk, and right on through the doors of his precious La Romanetique!” At this, Twilight’s magic floated her pen into position at the end of the page, pointing at a stick-figure sketch of four ponies laughing at a dinner table while another looked on and pouted.
Memo to self, Rainbow thought, get Twilight some art books for her birthday.
Art critique aside, Rainbow had to admit… the plan wasn’t as terrifying as she’d thought it would be.
“That… sounds like it could work. So, who do you have in mind as our extra ‘date’?”
“Oh, that’s not important, they just need to be single and dressed well enough to not get thrown out,” Twilight shrugged with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “I’ll go find somepony!” With that, she trotted off around the corner, looking as much like she was trying to find a lost dog as a decoy date.
“I’m not so sure about this idea,” Fluttershy admitted.
“Yeah… now that she’s shown how much attention she’s giving the little details in it, I’m not so sure either,” Rainbow frowned. “Look, Fluttershy, if she comes back with somepony you can’t stand, I’ll take your place in the plan, okay?”
“Oh, but Rainbow, you’ve been with Twilight the least amount of time!” Fluttershy protested. “You really should –“
“By all of two months, Fluttershy,” Rainbow pointed out. “Besides, for all we know she’s going to come back with somepony who can’t keep their hooves to themselves!”
“Eep!” Fluttershy squeaked almost inaudibly. “B-bu-bu-but… Twilight wouldn’t do that!”
“Not on purpose, no!” Rainbow agreed. “But come on, she’s out looking for anypony who isn’t a bum right now. She’s not really thinking this through… man, that sounds really weird to say about Twilight,” she pondered. “I’m really starting to worry about her and her check lists.”
“Well, if this works out, we should be okay,” Fluttershy promised, reaching over to stroke Dash’s back gently with a wing. “As long as she doesn’t pick somepony like–“
“Flootershy!” An all-too familiar voice boomed out from around a corner. “It really is you, mein falter!”
”Oh no!” Fluttershy gasped, pupils rapidly shrinking to the size of pinpricks. The two pegasi whipped their heads around to look at Twilight as she led Photo Finish down the street towards them, the white-haired photographer breaking into a bouncing prance as she saw Fluttershy.
Somewhere deep in her mind, Rainbow was reminded of Pinkie doing the same thing to follow her throughout Ponyville and its surroundings. The sight brought back ancient stirrings of a primeval terror, something known all too well to her prehistoric ancestors as a harbinger of inescapable doom.
“I had thought ze Princess was not serious when she said zat you ver here!” Photo Finish carried on. “Vhere haf you been? Vhy did you qvit? Vhy didn’t you return mein letters?” By now, she was within one or two bounces. Rainbow moved to place herself between the photographer and the former model, but she miscalculated where she would have to stand. Photo’s next bounce carried her easily up and over the startled flyer, and even closer to her prey.
Fluttershy, who had been staring at her oncoming destruction and trembling the whole time, did the only thing that her frozen mind could process. She flapped her wings, and shot off into the skies of Canterlot, leaving the three of them behind.
“Nein, mein falter!” Photo Finish wailed into the night sky. “You cannot leaf me again! Can’t you see? We were meant to be together!” She took off, following after the slowly shrinking yellow-and-pink speck in the sky, leaving Twilight and Rainbow behind to try and figure out what exactly had happened.
“We chase?” Rainbow asked, flaring her wings and getting ready to take off. Twilight sighed and assumed the position as well.
“We chase.” The two of them took off, twin streaks of light behind them as they trailed the dwindling pleas of a Germane madmare.
“I should have thought of this sooner!” Twilight gasped, looking up from her latest sheet of notes to see Rainbow gently stroking Fluttershy’s mane. “Fluttershy, are you okay?”
“You don’t understand,” Fluttershy murmured, eyes gazing off into the distance. “She does… things with that camera! Horrible things! You just don’t understand….”
“Shh, shh, it’s okay Fluttershy,” Rainbow reassured her, wrapping a wing around her gently. “We won’t let the scary photographer make you do any more nature documentaries, we promise.”
“She wouldn’t let me stop the alligators! She just kept going on about the ‘circle of life!’ Those poor, sweet little hippopotamuseses….”
“Hippopotami,” Twilight corrected her reflexively, beating her wings to land gently next to Fluttershy and hug her from the other side. “It’s okay, you don’t have to think about it any more.”
“Like great big shaved guinea pigs….”
“Shh, just relax….” Twilight’s horn began to glow, and the gentle pink color spread over her butter-yellow marefriend, easing her into a gentle sleep.
“She should come out of it in five minutes and not remember what she was so upset about,” Twilight explained. “Now, Plan B!”
“I still think we should just go back to the castle and eat, Twilight, it’ll be better for Fluttershy not to have to deal with a crowd!”
“Rainbow Dash, trust me, I know Fluttershy very well,” Twilight countered patiently.
“Yeah, ‘cause you were her best friend in flight school, right?” Rainbow muttered under her breath.
“And once she’s inside the restaurant with us, she won’t have time to think about those side jobs that Photo Finish had her involved in,” Twilight continued, patting Fluttershy’s back with a wing and apparently missing Rainbow’s irritation.
“Just tell me that Plan B doesn’t involve setting me up with Hoops or Dumbbell from Flight Academy,” Rainbow sighed.
“Of course not, Rainbow! And Fluttershy, I am sorry,” Twilight added. “If I’d known that Photo was so…”
“Obsessed with me?” Fluttershy asked with a shiver. “You don’t know the half of it, Twilight, the modeling job for La Romane-“
“ Infatuated with you,” Twilight grinned shakily, one eye twitching as she tried to snap Fluttershy out of the worst memories she could have for the night’s plans, “I wouldn’t have chosen her either. I honestly thought it would be more comfortable if I picked somepony you knew, Flutters. Plan B doesn’t have any of those problems. Plan B is much simpler. You and Rainbow will just go inside and take my reservation.”
“Wait, but what about you?” Fluttershy asked, successfully distracted. “We can’t just leave you outside!”
“Don’t worry,” Twilight grinned. “I won’t be waiting outside for long! Just go ahead and order a nice salad to start with, I’ll be there before it’s even ready.” She spread her wings, and took off towards the castle.
“Maybe she’s going to go get one of the guards?” Rainbow suggested with a light shrug. “Okay, level with me, ‘Shy. Do you think Twilight’s going a bit overboard with all this?”
“Oh, no,” Fluttershy answered quickly, shaking her head.
“Really?”
“No,” Fluttershy confirmed. “She’s going… uhm… a lot overboard.”
Rainbow Dash smiled and leaned over to kiss Fluttershy’s cheek lightly.
“Think we should start coming up with Plan Z?”
“Oh, yes… maybe over some wine?” Fluttershy suggested with a faint smile, nodding towards the corner where the restaurant was waiting for them.
“Sounds good to me!” Rainbow grinned, standing up and offering her marefriend a hoof up before they started to trot towards the restaurant.
Meanwhile, Twilight landed in the Royal Gardens, landing in the middle of a clearing surrounded by moon lilies and night-blooming narcissus. Her horn glowed as she reached out, plucking a gorgeous bouquet and summoning a bit of paper from her quarters to wrap it.
There, that should make up for the little difficulties we had getting in! Twilight smiled to herself as she tucked the bouquet securely under her sash and settled in to focus on her teleport.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash… focus on the two of them, she prompted herself, running through the mental exercises involved in a long-distance blind teleport. She pictured her marefriends, pictured them enjoying dinner. Sitting on either side of a nice salad, waiting for her to arrive, enjoying the ambiance and knowing that they were about to get one up on that smug Stuffed Shirt. She was so focused on her teleport that she didn’t notice as a fly settled on one of the lilies, crawling down into the flower.
Her horn glowed, the violet aura spreading around her body as she started to discorporate herself for the coming leap through time and space. Eldritch calculations ran through her mind as she prepared for the leap, numbers being twisted through functions few mortal unicorns could fathom, let alone master. One at a time, dimensions fell to Twilight’s superior mind, all of space, all of time, all of existence blurring into a single instance, all while she focused on the critical goal of separating them properly when she was finished.
I’m going to be with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash for dinner… now!
With that thought, Twilight vanished from existence, discorporating into an invisible cloud of particles so fine that they slipped through the very weave of the cosmos. For a brief instant, she felt the sensation of endless oneness, her consciousness dispersed throughout reality. This was the part of any teleport that was most dangerous. She had to find her target, literally pull herself together, and slip back into reality at the exact place she wanted, without the slightest error in terms of being too close to the objects around her. And she had to do that while making sure to get every organ in the right place, every particle back where it belonged, her dress intact, the bouquet safely tucked away, and making sure not to accidentally fuse herself with the cloud of fly particles that were unexpectedly scattered throughout her own.
Wait, what?
In a span of time that felt like an eternity and an instant all rolled into one, Twilight unfolded the reality within her mind, latching onto the sympathetic thread connecting her with her marefriends and the meal they were supposed to be sharing. Her body was flooded with sensation as she reincorporated herself. Tiny hairs reformed instantaneously, wings spread out almost involuntarily as her nerves screamed out in the agony of rebirth, light and sound and scent all overwhelming her brain.
All of this happened to Twilight Sparkle. From the perspective of an observer, she simply disappeared from the Royal Gardens in a flash, and reappeared in La Romanetique not a heartbeat later. That heartbeat finished just in time for her eyes to open, and a flash of silver to pass in front of them as a heavy knife fell, striking the cutting board with a distressingly final thud.
There was silence in the kitchen of La Romanetique as the garde manger stared, dumbfounded, at the mare who had just materialized on his cutting board, and the lavender fur shavings that had been deposited on the carrots he’d been slicing.
The silence was broken as a very confused, disoriented fly drunkenly buzzed its way out of a night-blooming lily and sought out a safer place to rest for the night. Preferably somewhere very far away from the burgeoning insanity it had momentarily literally been a part of.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy zoomed for the door of La Romanetique as shouting erupted from within, followed shortly by potatoes, carrots, and other, sharper souvenirs of Twilight’s rare (albeit brief) tour of the kitchen facilities.
Stuffed Shirt calmly reached into his podium and pulled out a cushion, tossing it absently to the blurs of blue and yellow that streaked past him. Just then, the chef de cuisine, garde manger, and several other assorted members of the kitchen staff came out, carrying between their assorted magical grips one young alicorn.
“I do not care if you are Princess Celestia herself!” The head chef roared. “NOPONY enters ze kitchen without my permission! Try zat again, and I will break out ze cookbook from Griffonia!” With that, he and his staff swung Twilight back and hurled her unceremoniously through the Canterlot night sky.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash screeched to a halt, carefully placing the cushion Stuffed Shirt had thrown them just in time for their marefriend to land on it.
“Well then, next table?” Stuffed Shirt asked the stunned onlookers. “I believe we just had a reservation cancel for the evening….”
“All right, so I miscalculated the time it would take for the salad to be finished on a busy night,” Twilight muttered, scribbling on a chalkboard frantically as she prepared her next plan to get the three of them inside.
“And they probably won’t let you anywhere near the door again tonight. We did technically show up for our reservation,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “So, palace kitchen? Or maybe some other place that’s not so stuck up?”
“I’m going to get us in there, Rainbow,” Twilight grumbled, reaching up absently to smooth out her mane, leaving a streak of chalk in it. “I told you already, I’m not letting them say that you two are any less important than any other Very Special Someponies!”
Rainbow groaned and facehoofed. Fluttershy patted her on the shoulder gently before stepping forward herself.
“Uhm… Twilight?” She asked gently.
“Just carry the two… no, that’ll never work, Rarity would kill me if I couldn’t get the tapioca out of my dress….”
“Twilight?” Fluttershy repeated, a little louder this time.
“Maybe if we built a large wooden badger…?”
“Oh, that could be cute,” Fluttershy mused, looking at Twilight’s rough sketches and cocking her head. Rainbow facehoofed again.
“Twilight!” She said sharply, reaching over and shaking her egghead’s shoulder. “Fluttershy had something she wanted to tell you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Twilight said sheepishly, folding her ears back. “I’m just so distracted with trying to figure out a way into the restaurant.”
“Well… about that, Twilight… we know you care about us. And we know you want to make tonight perfect, but… uhm….” Fluttershy trailed off, hiding behind her mane as she saw Twilight’s ear twitching, her pupils shrinking down. “It’s just that… don’t you think that maybe you’re going a little overboard?”
“Overboard? Overboard?!?” Twilight demanded, grabbing Fluttershy by the shoulders. “Overboard would be pre-empting the holiday by declaring it Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy Day! Overboard would be a parade from Canterlot to Ponyville! All I’m trying to do is have a romantic date, a perfectly normal, dead-center of the statistical bell curve dinner and a movie with my marefriends!” Her lips spread into a manic grin as her left eye twitched. “And they’re trying to tell me that our relationship, our love, doesn’t matter as much because it’s inconvenient to them!”
“But Twilight,” Rainbow sighed. Twilight continued on, spinning back towards her chalkboard as she ranted. She gripped a stick of chalk firmly in her magic, returning to her scribbling with wild, slashing strokes.
“Look at this! All of this! Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for the two of you! Everything I’m going to do, I’m doing for you! Both of you! Not one or the other, because I’m not playing favorites, and I’m not going to let them make me!”
“Don’t you appreciate that, Fluttershy? Don’t you, Rainbow?” Twilight raved, whirling back towards them, the rictus grin across her face the living picture of madness. “Don’t you both see? This is all for us! All to have the perfect Hearts and Hooves Day, just the three of us, me and the two best, most important, most wonderful marefriends in all of Equestria!”
Fluttershy stepped back with a nervous whimper, stepping behind Rainbow Dash. The bolder pegasus stepped forward with determination clear in her eyes. She sat down in front of Twilight, reaching up to hold her mad marefriend’s shoulders.
“Twi, calm down, you’re scaring Fluttershy. Besides, you’re supposed to be enjoying tonight too! You don’t need to be trying this hard.” She softened her voice, turning Twilight around to face the chalkboard again. “I think some of those formulas are weather calculus, and I am not letting you drop a tornado into Canterlot just to get into a restaurant. You need to relax… tonight’s supposed to be about how much we all love each other, right?”
“But… but… I do love you! Both of you! I’m not going to let them make me choose between you!” The Princess protested.
“So don’t.” Rainbow gestured with a wing for Fluttershy to come up with them. “You don’t have to choose, and you don’t have to do all of this,” she added, pointing at the chalkboard, “to convince us that you love us.”
“We already know that,” Fluttershy agreed, nervously joining Rainbow in trying to calm down their marefriend.
“Don’t have to… of course!” Twilight shouted, leaping forward out of Rainbow’s hooves. “I’ve been doing this all wrong!”
Rainbow and Fluttershy both let out relieved sighs, relaxing as Twilight frantically wiped the board clean.
“I don’t need a complicated plan to get us inside, I don’t need any of that!” Twilight grinned.
“Right,” Rainbow nodded, “so let’s just go back to the castle and –“
“I just need a sleep spell, and we can walk in right past them all!” Twilight took off down the street at a gallop, her new course decided. Rainbow blinked twice, three times as she processed what Twilight had just said.
“Wait, what?” She asked the chalkboard, now blank except for a scribbled drawing of an alicorn zapping a bullseye on the side of an earth pony.
“Time to panic!” Fluttershy grabbed Rainbow’s hoof and started flying after Twilight. The two pegasi rushed along, quickly catching up with Twilight’s sprint along the cobblestones of Canterlot. As Twilight reached the open street, her legs stiffened and wings spread in shock. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash quickly saw why, screeching to a mid-air halt just behind and above Twilight.
Across the street, in front of La Romanetique, Stuffed Shirt was just stepping out of the restaurant. He paused to slide the placard marking the establishment as “Open” over so that it now read “Closed,” and locked the door behind him. Whistling to himself, he put the key into his apron, and turned to see the three mares.
“Ah, Princess Twilight, I am glad to see you,” he smiled. “I wanted to let you know that I’ve spoken with the management, as well as the chef. I explained what happened tonight, though I left out certain… unsavory details best kept between ourselves, and they have said that I may offer to reschedule your reservations for tomorrow, so long as you agree to stay out of the kitchen. I hope this makes up for the abrupt change in your plans, though since you didn’t attempt to get back inside after that little teleportation mishap, I presume that you made other arrangements. I do hope that you will accept the invitation; had you made your arrangements for any other night, we’d have taken you quite happily.”
“Closed?” Twilight mumbled, staring past Stuffed Shirt at the sign behind him.
“Beg pardon?”
“She meant to say ‘close call,’” Rainbow grinned nervously. “Thanks, we’ll have our people call your people, we’ll do lunch!”
“We won’t be open until suppertime tomorrow, I’m afraid.”
“Supper works great!” Rainbow nodded. “If you’ll excuse us?” She asked hopefully, watching Twilight’s folded-back ears for any sign of a dangerous twitch or stray hair.
“Of course,” Stuffed Shirt yawned. “Oh, forgive me. It’s quite late, and I must be getting home. I hope you enjoyed Hearts and Hooves Day!” He bowed politely to the Princess and her marefriends, then stood and started trotting down the empty streets.
“They’re… closed?” Twilight repeated.
“It’s okay, Twilight,” Fluttershy promised. “You did spend an awful lot of time on that last plan, and –“
“But that means… dinner’s cancelled. And the show’s over… and it’s too late to visit the gardens… and… and….” Twilight hung her head, her plans for the evening crumbling around her.
“And I’ve ruined everything,” she murmured. “I’m… I’m so sorry, girls.”
“It’s okay, Twi,” Rainbow agreed. “You heard him, we’ll get a do-over tomorrow, right?”
“But it’s not Hearts and Hooves Day tomorrow.” Twilight stood up quietly and heaved a deep sigh. “I’m the worst marefriend ever.”
“Twilight, that’s not fair!” Fluttershy frowned. Rainbow reached out with a hoof to stop her, and landed next to Twilight. She leaned over and nuzzled the alicorn, wiping away a few tears.
“Then it’s a good thing you’ve got the two best, most wonderful, most awesome marefriends in Equestria to help you make up for it, isn’t it?” Rainbow asked her, going on as Twilight started to open her mouth. “That was one of those rhetorical questions. Meet me in Ponyville in an hour, Princess. It’s time for Plan Z!”
“Plan Z?” Twilight asked, cocking her head and looking over at Rainbow. “But I didn’t come up with a Plan Z.”
“No, but we did!” Rainbow grinned. With that, she spread her wings and zoomed off into the night sky, a rainbow trail behind her as she sped towards her home.
“What’s… what’s Plan Z?” Twilight asked, turning to Fluttershy. Fluttershy giggled and smiled, landing next to Twilight herself and nuzzling her gently.
“It’s a surprise, Twilight. Come on, let’s go back to the castle and get a chariot home. I don’t really feel like flying all the way myself.” Wrapping a wing over Twilight’s back supportively, Fluttershy started leading her back to the castle, deflecting any questions from her increasingly curious partner.
Fluttershy sighed softly as she leaned up against Twilight, the two of them enjoying the ride back to Ponyville. She actually dared to open her eyes, marveling at the thrill of excitement she felt looking over the edge of the chariot at the thousands of feet that separated her from the safety of the ground. Normally, she'd have been far too terrified to really enjoy it, but with Twilight's wing wrapped around her back she knew she'd be safe.
Twilight nuzzled up against her gently, letting her mane blow in the gentle night air and thinking about everything that had happened. This was the painful part of her breakdowns; the analysis that inevitably followed. Picking apart every little thing and trying to find where she'd gone wrong. The worst part was that it all seemed to come back to the same thing every time.
"Fluttershy?" She asked, her voice trembling lightly.
"Hmm?"
"Is there something wrong with me? I... I keep trying to get everything set up perfectly, but I keep screwing it all up. It's not my plans! When other ponies do them, they work great! So... it has to be me, right? I'm... broken."
Fluttershy smiled sadly and snuggled up closer.
"You're not broken, Twilight. Just... a little chipped? And we love you that way." She leaned up, nuzzling under Twilight's chin. "We're all a little broken. Even if Dashie won't admit it."
They both giggled a little bit at that, and Twilight sighed softly.
"I guess I'm just thinking too much, huh?"
"It's okay. We love you that way too."
"Awwww!" Ahead of them, the midnight-blue Night Guard who was pulling the chariot dared to voice his opinion of their exchange. The Day Guard next to him rolled his eyes and swatted his rump with his tail. "Owp! Aegis!"
"You’re on duty, Obsidian, act like it," Aegis muttered at him. His eyes swung forward as he spotted something moving through the sky, quickly identifying Rainbow Dash's approaching contrail. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, your other marefriend is approaching. Shall we delay our descent to Ponyville?"
"No, she's probably coming to see what's taking us so long," Twilight replied. "Besides, she likes landing on moving targets."
As predicted, Dash was wearing an expression of mild irritation when she reached the chariot, not even bothering to land. Instead, she crossed her forelegs over her chest, hovering in place relative to the moving vehicle.
"Come on, what's taking you slowpokes so long?" She demanded.
"It took a while to find a Day Guard who wasn’t on a date after sunset!” Twilight teased, flicking Dash’s nose with her tail. “Come on, we’re almost there, and I want to snuggle a bit first.”
“Oh, all right,” Rainbow sighed, landing next to the Princess and snuggling in on the side opposite Fluttershy.
“Mmm… I’m sorry about screwing tonight up,” Twilight told her. “And the movie. You really would’ve liked it.”
“Well, the way I see it, it’s Hearts and Hooves Day until sunup. And for the next 24 hours after we start to celebrate,” Rainbow teased. “We’ll need that long to recover.”
“You’re incorrigible,” Twilight chuckled.
“If that means ‘awesomely sexy and you’re lucky to have me,’ I’m not gonna disagree,” Rainbow smirked. “Hey guys, mind detouring out towards Whitetail Woods? You’ll know the spot when you see it.” The two guards looked at each other and shrugged.
“Permission to deviate from flight plan, Princess?” Aegis asked.
“Go ahead.” Twilight smiled. “I’m all planned out for the night.”
The group veered away from town, heading into the hills above Ponyville where Whitetail Woods sat. There, at the top of one of the cliffs overlooking the village, was a blanket set out next to a familiar red couch. Standing next to the blanket was a bear, standing on his hind legs and wearing a tuxedo, carrying a bucket of ice and a wine bottle. Next to him, albeit harder to notice, was a diminutive bunny dressed in matching tux, standing guard next to a large basket.
“Thank you Angel, Harry,” Fluttershy smiled as chariot touched down and its passengers stepped off.
“Okay, boys, that oughta do it for tonight,” Rainbow grinned, reaching into her dress and pulling out a key on a small silver chain. “Why don’t you crash at my house tonight? Tank’s spending the night at Fluttershy’s, so I wouldn’t mind somebody keeping an eye on the place.”
“Our place is at the Princess’ side, Lady Dash,” Obsidian reminded her. “Especially at night, in the wilderness.” Dash raised an eyebrow and tossed the key over the Night Guard’s muzzle.
“Y’see Harry there? What do you really think is going to want to mess with Harry, and make Fluttershy mad, from the Whitetail Woods? She’ll be fine, and I promise to make sure we make it back to the library before sunrise. Go get some rest.”
“If you insist, Lady Dash,” Aegis sighed.
“Oh, and boys?” Rainbow grinned. “Check the nightstand if you need anything.”
The two guards looked at each other, a little confused, but shrugged and took off for the palatial cloud house they’d seen on the way over from the Castle.
“So… this is Plan Z?” Twilight asked as Dash caught up with them.
“This is part of Plan Z,” Dash agreed. “I was going to recruit Spike, but when I saw how late it was, I improvised.”
“Well, I think Angel is just adorable in his little suit,” Fluttershy cooed, fussing over her dapper little rabbit, much to his consternation.
“Heh… actually, ‘Shy, do I even want to know why Rarity had tuxedos in Angel and Harry’s sizes?” Rainbow asked, cocking her head.
“Rarity made those?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, right! Yeah, we kinda called in some favors while you were plotting and planning tonight, thanks to Fluttershy’s birds,” Rainbow explained with a grin, hopping up onto Rarity’s fainting couch. “Come on up, this thing’s actually pretty comfy!”
“And cozy,” Twilight chuckled, sidling up next to Rainbow and letting Fluttershy take up position on the other side. Angel flipped up the lid of the basket and pulled out three wine glasses, letting the alicorn levitate them while Harry took the wine bottle in his paws, bit down on the cork, and pulled it off. He lowered his head to Twilight, cork stuck between his lips, which curled up in a smile as he offered her the chance to sniff the cork.
“Ah… I trust Rarity’s taste in wines,” Twilight grinned nervously, not particularly wanting to smell whatever the gargantuan ursine had for dinner along with the wine.
“Actually, it’s Applejack’s,” Fluttershy explained. “I had them ask Rarity for the setting, and Applejack for dinner.”
“Granny Smith says this stuff’s even better than their cider,” Rainbow explained, licking her lips eagerly as Harry filled the three glasses. “We’ve got a fresh pie for dessert, a salad they made using a recipe from her Uncle Statler, and… well, I don’t really know what Granny made for the entrée, but it smells great!”
Twilight floated the glasses over, and the rabbit and bear busied themselves serving up the food. The entrée, it turned out, was a casserole of squash, pecans, butter, and spices that did indeed smell delicious.
“Thank you, both,” Twilight sighed happily as the trio started to eat. “I just wish I’d listened to you both sooner.”
“Yeah, we have some pretty awesome ideas sometimes,” Rainbow bragged. “Hey, try the casserole, it tastes as good as it smells! Oh… and look up,” she added, her grin almost splitting her face as she pointed up at a patch of sky that was largely concealed by light cloud cover.
Twilight looked up, just in time to see the Weather Patrol’s night shift flying in, catching the cloud bank and pushing it out of the way.
Behind it, the Horsehead Nebula was faintly visible against the night sky. The amateur astronomer smiled… and then gasped, as the stars seemed to suddenly start moving away from the nebula, flying into new positions.
“Synchronized fireflies?” Twilight guessed. Fluttershy nodded happily as her little friends began spelling out their message.
Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Twilight! Just the first of many.
“Thank you so much, girls. Even if my plans didn’t work out… I can’t imagine anything that would make tonight better.”
“Oh, I can think of something!” Rainbow laughed.
Twilight turned to ask what, only for a pair of sky-blue lips to press against her own, the taste of dinner and apple wine mixing with Rainbow’s own unique flavor in Twilight’s mouth. When they finally broke apart for breath, Fluttershy leaned in to claim deep kisses of her own, first from Twilight, then Rainbow.
Before much longer, their Hearts and Hooves Day dinner had been happily forgotten, as it so often was.
