Another collection of silly short stories. 1. Homewarming: In which Twilight gets a new neighbor, learns more about her than she ever knew, and Pinkie breaks the Fourth Wall more than is absolutely necessary. "I do not!" You do too, Pinkie. Get out of the summary. 2. Innocence: In which Cheerilee must give her students a lesson that she does not want to give them. 3. Accident: In which Little Strongheart runs from a foolish stallion who doesn't understand the meaning of his actions.
When Twilight Sparkle woke one bright summer morning, a quick glance out her window told her that, yes, it was going to be one of those days. She blinked to make sure that what she was seeing was actually there, and it wasn't some Pinkie Pie-level trick of the light.
Nope. It was still there.
"SPIIIKE!" Twilight called out. A minute later, the baby dragon stumbled into the room, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
"Yeah? What?" He said sleepily, hopping up the stairs to Twilight's side. Twilight just pointed a hoof out the window.
"Tell me I'm not crazy," Twilight said.
"You're not crazy," Spike lied.
"You didn't even look."
"Look at..." Spike looked out the window. "...That's new."
"So, I'm not crazy?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
"Spike."
"Sorry, Twi."
Spike looked out the window again. He was certain that the plot of land next to the library had been empty when he had gone to bed, but it had... changed during the night.
As in, there was a new, fully-constructed house there.
"I guess Zecora works fast," Spike said.
"Spike, she decided she was going to be building her new house there yesterday," Twilight said.
"As I said: fast."
"Think we should go check it out?"
"Without a present for the party?" Pinkie said. "No way!"
"Good morning, Pinkie," Twilight said. She'd learned to stop being surprised when the pink pony suddenly popped up out of nowhere. Saved lots of time. "What party?"
"Duh! Zecora's 'homewarming-but-not-too-warm-because-her-last-house-burned-down-and-we-don't-want-that-to-happen-but-we-can't-call-it-a-homecooling-party-because-that's-just-silly' party!" Pinkie said in one breath. Twilight looked at her in confusion.
"Pinkie, what do you mean by 'her last house burned down'?" She asked.
"Her house burned down during that fire in the Everfree two weeks ago! Don't you remember?" Pinkie asked.
"What fire in the Everfree?" Twilight asked.
An envelope suddenly appeared at Pinkie Pie's hooves, with her name written on it. "I think that's for me!" Pinkie said, picking it up and reading its contents. When she was done, she looked up at the ceiling.
"Seriously? 'Not canon'? Why wasn't I told earlier?!" She shouted.
"Pinkie, who are you talking to..."
"The writer, Twilight. Just a second. DON'T PRETEND YOU CAN'T HEAR ME UP THERE!"
Pinkie, can we talk about this later? You're interrupting the flow of the story.
"Fine. Then can I get a do-over?"
Sure, sure. Just a second.
"Good morning, Pinkie," Twilight said. She'd learned to stop being surprised when the pink pony suddenly popped up out of nowhere. Saved lots of time. "What party?"
"I just got the strangest feeling of deja vu..." Spike said to himself.
"Duh! Zecora's 'homewarming-but-not-too-warm'..."
Pinkie.
"Sorry, my bad. I meant to say, Zecora's homewarming party!" Pinkie corrected herself. She looked up at the ceiling. "Are we good?"
We're good. Now stop breaking the fourth wall.
"Pinkie, isn't it a bit... early for a party?" Twilight asked.
"I didn't say it was now, silly! It's this evening!"
"Okay, I guess," Twilight said. "You said... we'd need a gift?"
"Yes indeedy!" Pinkie said, bouncing in place. "Now, if you'll excuse me, my party cannon battalion isn't going to mobilize itself!" Pinkie paused, as an awesome idea came to her mind. "Unless... I had party automatons..."
"So, Pinkie, shouldn't you get started on the party cannons?" Twilight asked, trying to steer her random friend away from her current train of thought.
"Ooh! Right! Bye-bye, Twi-twi!" Pinkie said, her concentration, and idea of a mechanical party-spreading army, broken. She hopped out of the room in a heartbeat. Twilight let out a sigh of relief.
"That was close," She said.
"I take it we're going to get Zecora a present?" Spike asked.
"That would be the polite thing to do," Twilight said. "Let's go, Spike. I'm pretty sure that there's a new volume of 'Super Naturals' out."
With a few taps of her hoof, Zecora drove the signpost into the ground in front of her new home. She stepped back to make sure that the sign was standing straight, and when she saw that it was leaning a bit to one side, made some quick adjustments.
"Good morning, neighbor!" Twilight Sparkle called out as she approached the zebra mare. Zecora turned to face her.
"Good morrow to you as well, Twilight. I trust that you slept alright?" Zecora asked.
"Apparently, I slept like a log," Twilight said, looking past Zecora to the new building. "I can't believe I didn't hear that being built."
Zecora's new home was a stark contrast from the buildings of Ponyville. While Ponyville's architecture was constructed of lighter colored materials, this building was made of dark wood, with a roof that looked like it was thatched, but Twilight guessed that it was probably more solid underneath. The main part of the house was circular, and two-stories tall, with a second version, only one story tall, joined to it like the circles in a Venn diagram. One of Zecora's masks hung over the door, and even though she knew it was there as a greeting, Twilight still found it... unsettling.
"That you did not hear it is quite alright. It was not built overnight," Zecora said, giving her sign another nudge.
"But... it wasn't here yesterday..." Spike said.
"This building was built on Zebraian soil, then deposited here through an airship's toil," Zecora said casually.
"It was dropped off by an airship?" Twilight said in shock. She quickly did some math in her head, trying to figure out the cost of such a project in Zebraian denarii. "The cost would have been... astronomical!"
"The total cost, in denarii, was around four thousand, nine hundred and three," Zecora answered.
"Woah," Spike said. "Is that a lot?"
"Zebraian denarii are made out of solid gold. One denarii is equal to roughly seven bits," Twilight answered. "So, just transporting it here, by airship, from Zebraia, would have cost..." Twilight paused for a second, "Almost thirty four thousand bits."
Spike's jaw dropped. "Whoa," was the only thing he could think of saying.
"And that's not even considering the cost to build it..."
"I told my father many a time that a house in Ponyville I could find. However, much to my annoyance, he chose to do this with a cost flamboyant," Zecora said, motioning to the building.
"Geez, is your dad a king or something?" Spike asked sarcastically.
"Yes, my young friend, that is true. But I don't recall ever telling you..." Zecora said, stepping back to make sure that her sign was standing up straight.
Twilight's and Spike's jaws dropped.
"Y-you're... royalty?" Twilight asked.
"Second child of the Zebra King, but I do not find it an important..." Zecora turned around to notice that Twilight and Spike were both bowing to her. "...thing."
"Your majesty," Twilight said reverently. Zecora rolled her eyes.
"And of course, here we go. I do not wish to be treated so," Zecora said. "Please stand up, my good friend. I do not wish to see your head bend."
"Yes, your majesty. I mean, ma'am. I mean, Zecora," Twilight said, standing up. "I'm sorry, I just got taken a bit by surprise by this. I mean, why didn't you tell anypony that you were royalty?"
"For the same reason I lived in a hovel. I do not like to see others grovel," Zecora said. "I came to Equestria, to the Everfree, to learn. But now I am here by my father's wishes most stern."
"Father's wishes? What do you mean?"
"Relations between our nations are not as good as they could be. So my father desires that I..." Zecora stepped aside, allowing Twilight and Spike to see the sign she had been adjusting. "...practice diplomacy." The sign had two words on it, written in large text. 'Zebraian Embassy'.
"This is... an embassy?" Twilight asked.
Zecora nodded.
"...In Ponyville? Why not Canterlot? That's the capital..." Twilight asked. Zecora grimaced.
"Lemme guess. You visited Canterlot, and they acted like Ponyville used to," Spike said, noting Zecora's look of distaste.
"When I came to Ponyville, your doors were barred," Zecora said. "In Canterlot, they summoned the guard."
"Ouch," Twilight said. Zecora chuckled.
"That is almost exactly what they said. I believe that I was underestimated," She laughed. Twilight and Spike simply stared at her, jaws dropped.
A strange thought came to Twilight's mind at that moment. "Wait, so, if this is an embassy, doesn't that mean that the property is technically part of Zebraia?" She asked. Zecora nodded in response.
"Oh. I see," Twilight said, giving a casual laugh. "Alright, it looks like I'm going to have to pay Pinkie a visit. Nothing important, just need to stop her from potentially committing an act of war."
"I see why you cannot stay. I suppose I shall see you later today," Zecora said. To her distaste, Twilight and Spike gave a quick bow to her before running off. When they were gone, Zecora returned to her work, finally satisfied that the sign was standing up straight. There were a lot of things to move into her new home.
A/N: Well, there's the first chapter in this collection. Sure, there were some problems with a certain pony...
"I said I was sorry!"
Pinkie, get out of the author's notes. Now.
"Okay, okay. Sheesh."
Thank you. Now, I'd like to make a semi-important announcement about continuity for my MLP:FiM fanfics... I honestly never thought I would write that sentence.
"Get used to it."
Pinkie, do you want that story with you visiting your family?
"Yeah."
Then get out of the author's notes. Now, as I was saying, dear readers, I would like to unveil my newest project, an AU in which my past, present, and future fics are held, which I shall call...
The Butterflies Continuity.
"That's not as dramatic as you think it sounds."
Shut up, Pinkie. Anyway, I will put up a blog post soon showing the timeline, which stories are canon in the Continuity and which order they happen in, et cetera. Also, for the three people who read it, 'A Fallen Candle' is not canon. It didn't happen.
P.S. I am going to find the member of Studio B who decided that Zecora should speak in rhyme and punch him/her in the face. After thanking them for making such a good show, of course. After punching, I will most likely apologize and offer a bag of ice.
If you were to ask Cheerilee what her least favorite part of being a teacher was, her answer would be instantaneous.
The innocence.
Cheerilee loved her students dearly. They were so full of life, of the desire to learn. The children hung off her every word. It warmed her heart more than a thousand fires ever could.
She loved their innocence, yet she hated them for it. Because she knew what students who had lost their childlike innocence were like.
You see, when Cheerilee was first starting out as a teacher, she taught a class of teenagers at a school in Baltimare. It was miserable.
Every day, it took her fifteen minutes of class time to get the students to pay attention long enough to take attendance. When class finally started, she quickly lost the attention of the students with no hope of ever getting it back. The air was always heavy with the sound of chewing gum, or of small cliques gossiping about their classmates. Cheerilee couldn't draw a straight line on the board without the colts in the class giggling at the implications.
After the longest two weeks of Cheerilee's life, she learned that Ponyville's aging elementary school teacher had retired. Seeing a perfect opportunity, Cheerilee quit her job in Baltimare and returned home to Ponyville to take over the retired teacher's job. And so, Cheerilee started teaching younger, less troublesome students. And she couldn't be happier.
Except for the innocence.
The innocence of foals running around the playground with no destination in mind, their laughter genuine and welcoming. The innocence of colts hunting through the grass to find weird bugs, and then inevitably chasing the fillies with them. The innocence of a little filly putting a shiny red apple on her teacher's desk in the morning.
The same innocence that Cheerilee would be forced to tear from them in one morning, when she had to teach her students one of the most important lessons she could.
Cheerilee stood behind her desk, looking over her class. Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were discussing their plans for after school, likely more crusading for their cutie marks. And it looked like they were talking to Twist, as well. It was good. It was innocent. The colts in the class, Snips, Snails, Chowder, and the class's newest student, Pipsqueak, were planning their own future adventures, and Cheerilee overheard them saying something about a camping trip. It was innocent. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon...
...The less said about them, the better.
"Settle down, class," Cheerilee said. All conversation instantly ceased, and all the students paid her full attention. Like good students.
Good, innocent students.
'You can do this, Cheerilee,' She told herself. 'You have to do this.'
"We are having a very... very special lesson today," Cheerilee said. A yellow hoof was raised. "Yes, Apple Bloom?" Thank the Princesses. A distraction.
"Is this goin' t' be about cutie marks again?" Apple Bloom asked.
"No, it's about something much more important than that," Cheerilee said. "You see, you are all very mature ponies..."
'I don't want you to be mature. Don't be so mature. I want my little ponies.'
"...So we are going to be learning about..."
'The colts will never be able to look at me the same way. Every time I turn around to write something on the board, they'll start giggling.'
"We are going to be learning about..."
'Don't say it. DON'T SAY IT.'
"Where b-babies come from."
'Noooo!'
The class visibly perked up. They were about to have the answer to the question that they had always been asking.
Cheerilee had their attention. And she did not want it.
"Now, it all starts with a mare and a stallion," Cheerilee said, motioning to the drawings on the board with her pointer.
'There's no turning back. I have to teach them.'
"When a..."
'I have to teach them. But I do not want to.'
"When a mare and a stallion love each other very much, they..."
"Ooh! Ooh!" A yellow hoof was waving in the air.
'YES.'
"Apple Bloom?"
"They have sleepovers!"
'What.'
"I... I beg your pardon?" Cheerilee said. "Sleepovers?"
"Yeah! Mah brother has 'em with his marefriend all th' time!"
'Whaaaaat.'
"...Yes, Apple Bloom, that's right. They have... sleepovers."
'What am I doing.'
"Does that mean that Fluttershy and Big Mac are gonna have a baby?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Wait, we had a sleepover last weekend. Does that mean we're having a baby?" Scootaloo asked.
'Misunderstandings detected! Abort! Abort!'
"No, no, no. The mare and the stallion... and it has to be a mare and a stallion... have to both love each other very much and want to have a baby," Cheerilee corrected herself. Twist raised her hoof. "Yes, Twist?"
"Doeth that mean that Auntie Bon-bon and Auntie Lyra can't have a baby?"
'Crap.'
"That's... a subject for another day. Now, when a mare and a stallion love each other very much, and they want to have a baby, they have a sleepover and..."
Scootaloo raised her hoof.
'This can either go very well or very badly.'
"Scootaloo?"
"They go out to the shed?"
Cheerilee heard something crack. It might have been her mind.
"What," Cheerilee said.
"When I asked my mom where Dinky came from, she said, 'Your father and I went into the shed...', but then my dad shoved a muffin in her mouth," Scootaloo said. "By the time she finished chewing, she'd forgotten what we were talking about."
'I don't even want to think about that.'
"...Yes. That's right."
'Cheerilee, you are an absolute moron.'
"When a mare and a stallion love each other very much, they have a sleepover, then they... they go into the shed and..."
'Stop beating around the bush already.'
"And... and they..."
A white hoof was raised.
'I'm not going to enjoy this.'
"Sweetie Belle?" Cheerilee asked. She braced herself for impact. Sweetie Belle was a good filly, even if she was just slightly dim. But she spent a lot of time with her big sister, so the chances that she had heard something from Rarity were high.
"They write a letter to Princess Celestia!"
Cheerilee nearly fainted when she saw it. An escape route. Sweetie Belle had just opened up a way for her to very easily escape this accursed lesson. It would be easy.
But should she?
Would it be right for her to rob her students of this knowledge for her own benefit?
"I think the teacher's broken," Silver Spoon remarked. Cheerilee realized that she had been standing there, frozen, for almost twenty seconds.
'Pull yourself together, Cheerilee,' A new voice in her head ordered. It was a strong voice, a voice that could be kind at one moment, but tough a second later. The voice that told ponies what they needed to hear, even if they didn't want to. It taught the hard lessons, no matter the cost. The voice of the Teacher. 'It is your duty to give these children the knowledge they need to be strong adults. They must learn it.'
'But I don't want to teach them this...' Cheerilee thought. 'I don't want to lose them.'
'No teacher does. But every child must become an adult. Every puppy must become a dog. The baby bird must one day leave the nest. It is a fact of life.'
'They're so young...'
'Maybe. But this is a lesson they must learn.'
"...Actually..."
'That's a good girl. You can do it.'
"The truth of the matter is..."
'Stop stalling.'
"...You're right."
'Oh, you idiot, Cheerilee.'
"When a mare and a stallion love each other very much, they have a sleepover, then they go out into the shed, and then they write a letter to Princess Celestia asking for a baby," Cheerilee answered. "And that, my little ponies, is how babies are made."
"Wait, they write the letter in the shed?" Scootaloo asked.
"What if they don't have a shed?"
"Time for recess!" Cheerilee announced.
"But it'th only..."
"Re-ceeeesssss!"
The students gave a happy cheer.
An innocent, happy cheer.
'Oh well,' Cheerilee thought. 'I'll tell them some other time.'
'That is exactly what you said last time you tried to tell them.'
'Hush. You're not my mother.'
A/N: If you can guess who Scootaloo's mother is from this, you will* get a cookie. If you can also guess who her father is, you will* get another cookie. If you can also tell me what piece of fan art I got the idea from, you will* get a third cookie.
Little Strongheart's breath came in ragged gasps as she charged across the plains. Stupid. How could she have been so stupid. Ancestors take that foolish stallion.
Ancestors take him.
It was an accident. That was the only possible explanation. He couldn't have known when he gave her that hat. The same hat she had left at his feet as she ran away faster than she had ever run before.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
She was a buffalo. Young, yes, but she had already started to grow into the large build of the rest of her kin. She'd be a fool to think that a pony like him would ever think of her like that. Why would he choose her, with her stocky body and thick legs, when he could have his choice of any glamorous, thin pony he could find? A pony could never love a buffalo. She was only a... a distraction to him. No matter how fond he seemed of her, that was all she was to him. Something to occupy the time. No matter how... how earnest he looked when he was around her, no matter how happy he made her feel, there was no way their relationship would ever go farther than what it currently was.
It had only been one kiss. One kiss.
And three dinner dates.
And maybe six nighttime walks through the apple orchards.
And one night at the movies.
Okay, maybe it was six kisses. She'd stopped counting.
Why. Why did he have to try to give her that hat. That moron.
Strongheart's charge finally slowed down to a run. Then a walk. Then a standstill, as she dropped to her knees and and panted. She'd been running for at least an hour. Buffalo stamina was legendary; she could have kept running for hours more if she wanted to.
So why did she feel so tired?
"You idiot, Braeburn Apple," She said. "You idiot."
"Strongheaaaaart!"
Little Strongheart's eyes flew open when she heard that faint scream. It couldn't have been. There was no way. It must have been her imagination.
"Lil' Strongheart!"
It wasn't her imagination.
There he was. The same pony that she had been running from in the first place. Moving like the wind across the plains and headed straight for her. The hat he had tried to give her, his hat, on top of his head.
"No, no, no," Little Strongheart whispered. She shakily stood back up and ran again. So slow. She was so slow. Why weren't her legs working? "Stop chasing me! Go away!"
"Not an apple-pickin' chance!" Braeburn shouted. "Jus' wait!'
"No, no, NO!" Strongheart screamed. He was gaining on her. That shouldn't be possible.
He was barely a stone's throw away now. And still gaining.
"Ah jus' want t' talk!"
"Stop chasing me!"
"Stop runnin'!"
"NO!"
He'd caught up with her now. She tried to put on another burst of speed, but her legs refused to go any faster. Braeburn tackled her, sending them both tumbling to the ground. When they came to a stop, Braeburn had the young buffalo pinned to the ground.
"Why... did you... run?" He asked, panting heavily.
"Get... off me!" Strongheart said, trying to push back.
"Answer my question!"
"Because you're an idiot, Braeburn!" Strongheart shouted back. Tears were forming in her eyes. "An absolute... idiot."
Braeburn was silent. Finally, he stepped away from the crying buffalo, letting her stand up. She didn't try to run again. She just turned her back to him and cried softly. Braeburn took his hat off and placed it squarely on her head.
"There ya go. It looks good on..." He started to say, but Strongheart shook the hat off and let it fall to the ground. She kept her back to him. Braeburn picked the hat up and put it back on her head.
"Stop," Strongheart said forcefully. She threw the hat off again.
"Why? Ya don't like it?" Braeburn asked, picking the hat up again. He didn't try to put it on her head this time.
"It's not that," Strongheart said, finally turning around to face him. "You just... don't realize what giving it to me means."
"Lil' Strongheart, Ah..."
"I know your heart is in the right place, but... our cultures are very different. To you, the hat is a gift, but to the buffalo tribes, it... means something different."
"Strongheart..."
"I truly do enjoy the time we spend together, Braeburn. I... I care for you a great deal, but... it was an accident. I don't want you to be forced to..."
"Oh, for th' love o'..." Braeburn groaned. Deciding to let his actions speak, he stepped into Strongheart's personal space and firmly pressed his lips against hers. Little Strongheart's eyes widened in shock. First, he had chased her for an hour across the plains, tried to give her the hat again, twice, and now he was... kissing her.
A few seconds later, Braeburn ended the kiss, a warm smile on his face. Strongheart turned a very deep red. She opened her mouth a few times, trying to think of something to say, but she just couldn't. With a smile, Braeburn put his hat on Little Strongheart's head for the third time.
"Ah know what it means, and Ah mean it with all my heart," He said, nuzzling the buffalo affectionately. Little Strongheart finally blinked. She could hear her heart thudding in her chest.
"You... you... but... but how did you know?" She asked.
"Ah asked yer father what th' buffalo tradition for this sort of thing was," Braeburn answered. "And Ah got his blessing."
"I... I don't... I don't know what to say," Little Strongheart admitted. "You... you really are asking..."
"Yes Ah am."
Little Strongheart stepped back, staring at the stallion in disbelief. "You..."
Tears began to well up in her eyes. Warm tears this time. Her mouth started to quiver.
"You..."
She clamped her eyes shut and made her decision. Without a second's hesitation, she tackled the stallion to the ground, pressing her lips against his this time. "You absolute moron, Braeburn Apple," She said. "Yes. Yes, I will marry you."
