This is the end
BREAKING THE HABIT
This is it. This is finally the end. The end to all the things that I have done in the past that I am not proud of. It was a short amount of time that I have spent on this Earth, but now its all coming to an end.
I did not know this was how it was going to end. I thought it was going to be different.
Hehehe
Its funny, you know? Once you set out on your own to make a name for yourself and work towards the future that you want. But in the end, it all falls through.
I have done terrible things after I left the safety of my parents home; I quickly failed out of school, started hanging with the wrong crowd, drugs, violence, jail, and all that other bad stuff.
I was raised better than that, but at that time, it did not matter. I dug myself a hole that I would never be able to get out of.
So here I am, taking my own life for I can not live with all this guilt that I have built over the years. The things I stole, the ponies I hurt, families I've destroyed. All for the reason to get what I wanted.
I had a better vision of my future when I left my home. I wanted to protect others, but instead I became the thing everypony feared the most. At first I was devastated at what I did, but soon grew a stone face to hide the pain that I felt.
Soon, it all became second nature to me.
The first time I killed somepony flashes before me. I can still see the fear in their eyes, the dread of not being able to return home. It scared me, but I did what I was told to do.
After the deed was done, I remember looking back at his lifeless eyes that bore into my very soul. That was all I could take, I threw up at that moment.
Still, I killed when I was told to, took things when asked, did drugs when offered. This was not the life I wanted.
I look down at chasm of where I was going to end it all. It was over a three-hundred drop to the bottom. If I was correct, I would feel nothing when I hit the bottom. Closing my eyes and thinking back to my family, I slowly lean over the edge, and fall.
I remember all the good times I had with my family. All the fun games we played, the stories they told, the love that they shared, and I tossed it aside for my own gain.
They had no idea what I turned into. Whenever they sent me a letter, I always gave them a good response so they would rest easy.
I’m halfway to my impending doom as another memory I am not proud of flashed before me.
In this one, I was raping a young mare. Maybe no older than sixteen at the time. I couldn't care, I was enjoying myself. I remember the pain she wore on her face and the cries that were muffled by a gag. I finished inside her. A week after that happened, there was a report that she committed suicide.
I don’t blame her.
I know my time is running short, but I don’t care. I can finally put my past behind me.
This is how my life was going to end. Not finding a good mare, having my dream job, having children to raise. Growing old and dying peacefully in my sleep.
I can feel my eyes burn as tears fell alongside with me. The tears of pain, loss, regret and...happiness?
Yes, happiness. In my time, I have become a tyrant. No pony was ever going to help me because of all the crimes I have committed. No pony cared for me. Not even the gang I was with. They only cared about getting the good stuff at the end of the day. As long as someone else died and they lived, only then were they truly happy.
This time its different. These tears of happiness were falling because I knew I would no longer be going around causing pain and destruction in my wake. The ponies can now live in peace and harmony. No one is going to miss me and I know it.
I’m nothing.
I’m an outcast.
I’m a tyrant.
I’m free.
A smile spreads across my muzzle. I’m finally free from the sins I have committed.
I could not feel the wind blowing across my body any more. It felt as though I was floating through a void, reminiscing on all the things that could have been. If I could have, I would have led a different life. But nothing I did was ever going to change that.
It felt as though it was my destiny to cause all that, no matter how much pain I felt, or how much suffering I delt.
Why would fate do this to some innocent foal? Did I do something in a past life for this? Why was I the one to follow this path set before me and have no control to change it?
Before I decided to take my own life, it felt as though something was telling me not to. It told me to keep going down this path so that it, or I, can feel better. This force told me this was my destiny and nothing I can do will ever change it.
The final straw for me to take my life was when I killed a young filly. She must have been no older than four.
I couldn't take it anymore. Everything came crashing down on me after that moment, and that was enough.
I opened my eyes just in time to see myself impact the ground. The last thought that crossed my mind was this:
I’m Breaking the Habit