When Ditzy Doo loses her job at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight, she gets a job at another shipping company... only to find out their definition of shipping has nothing to do with delivering packages! Desperate for income to support herself and Dinky, will Ditzy be able to make it as a pony matchmaker?
The bulky brown Pegasus slammed his front hooves down on the desk so hard, Ditzy Doo feared it would split in two. He positively glowered at the grey pegasus, his face just inches from hers.
"I… I'm sorry, boss…" Ditzy mumbled, shrinking back a bit. "Uh… it won't happen again?" Her apology was phrased more like a question.
"Oh, right. Sure. That's believable…" the larger pegasus snorted, twisting his black baseball cap haphazardly. "I mean, what are the odds of Ditzy Doo screwing up another delivery? I mean, that never happens..."
Ditzy winced at the harsh sarcasm in her superior's voice. Still, she managed to work up the nerve to ask the inevitable question.
"So…" she began, trying her best to focus both her eyes on the angry pony in front of her. "…Um… how much are you gonna' dock my pay this time?"
The other pegasus slapped a hoof to his forehead. "Ditzy, what're you not getting, here?" he barked back. "It's bigger than that this time! I mean, you have the lowest successful delivery rate in the history of Cloudsdale Mail and Freight, you're constantly losing letters or delivering them to the wrong locations, your sense of direction is so bad it takes you five times as long to get anywhere as it would for any other pegasus… heck you're even a hazard to pedestrians sometimes! You're lucky that purple unicorn didn't sue us that one day when we were delivering the piano and all that other junk!"
Ditzy winced at the memory, and sunk even lower in front of her furious boss. "Well… what do you want me to do, sir?" she squeaked. "I'm trying my best."
"Then your best isn't good enough for this company!" The stallion roared. Ditzy groaned and slumped fully to the floor, covering her head with her hooves as if she feared being struck.
Seeing that he had taken his verbal abuse a bit too far, the larger pegasus softened a bit, and lowered his voice. "Get up, Ditz'. I'm not gonna' hurt you."
Peering up with one large yellow eye, Ditzy hesitantly rose back up to hover at the height of her superior.
"Right… now, uh…" the brown pony searched for a less harsh way to speak his mind. "Ditzy, I know we kind of hired you on… 'special considerations', what with your little disability and all. But, in all honesty, you need to at least live up to the basic requirements that come with being a mailmare."
He glanced a little sympathetically at the dejected grey pegasus. "I've given you a lot of second chances now," he continued. "But… I just don't think our reputation can take any more. So, I think… I think we're gonna have to let you go."
"What!?" Ditzy's crossed eyes went wide with panic. "But…but…but I need this job! I've got little Dinky to take care of at home! After her father… and the accident… I'm the only one she's got for support right now!"
The other pony hid his eyes beneath the brim of his hat. "I know that, and that's why I've been so lenient with you before. But today was different."
The larger pony's eyes turned angry again. "It was a letter from freakin' Princess Celestia, Ditzy! That sort of thing needs to arrive at the correct location, and it needs to arrive on time! Her decree to solve the situation in Manehattan arrived six hours late, and by then rioters had destroyed a lot of private property! Do you know who's gonna' get charged for that, Ditzy? We are!"
Again, the boss made an attempt to control his anger. "Now, you see what I mean here?" he grumbled a little more gently. "I gotta' do what I gotta' do. Cloudsdale Mail and Freight needs to conserve what little reputation it has left. Believe me, if I don't fire you now, they're gonna' be all over me about it. It's pretty much out of my hooves."
Ditzy opened her mouth to respond, but couldn't manage to say anything. Her head swam with unfortunate memories; accidents and errors that could have been avoided had a more 'professional' pony been given the job. Defeated, she just looked sadly at her superior, and then floated over to collect her things.
"Hey, if it helps at all…" the brown pegasus mentioned. "I won't dock anything from your last paycheck. In fact, I'll even throw in a little goodbye bonus for you. You know, a dozen extra bits or so?"
"Thank you, sir," Ditzy tried to smile, but her mood was betrayed by the tears welling up in her eyes. "Have a good afternoon."
With a final sigh, she made for the door, bumping into the doorframe on her first attempt to exit. "Lousy depth perception," she grumbled, as she flew out into the open air of Cloudsdale.
The bright, beautiful day in the aerial city contrasted with the aura of gloom surrounding the grey pegasus. A few other pegasi watched in concern as she fluttered haphazardly by, grumbling to herself.
"I can't believe this," she moaned aloud as she descended from the pegasus capitol toward her home on the ground, "So I get lost a couple of times, and bam, I'm out the door."
She thought about that. Well, more like a couple of times a week, actually.
She brought her forehooves to her face, rubbing her misaligned eyes. "It's these blasted eyes!" she yelled to no one in particular. "I can't help if my directional judgement, and depth perception, and face recognition, and… reading skills, and… oh, all those things, are so poor! I think I function pretty well for a pegasus who can't see straight!"
Wiping the last of the tears from her face, the dejected pegasus flew home, thinking ahead to the grim task of searching through the help wanted section of today's newspaper.
"Mom! Mom!" Dinky Doo burst through the door of the cottage, carrying a colorful paper in her mouth as she scurried inside. "Look what I made in school today!"
Ditzy looked up from the newspaper she was struggling to read to smile at her eager filly. Dinky proudly hoisted her prize in front of her mother's face, holding it at the angle that she had learned made it easiest for her mom to see the details clearly.
Ditzy gazed at the filly's crude but colorful drawing. In the background, there was a small building that was identifiable as their cottage, with various flowers growing around it. In the foreground stood two ponies, a larger pegasus, and a smaller unicorn, both colored in shades of grey. The drawing wasn't greatly detailed, but Ditzy could still tell it was a picture of Dinky and herself. The sky behind them was bright blue, adorned with a rainbow, which was colored nicely, despite the fact that the colors were in the wrong order. The little filly must have spent all day making it look just right.
"That's a very nice drawing, Dinky," Ditzy said as lightheartedly as she could. Dinky retrieved the paper, smiling at her success, but then her smile faded when she looked at her mom again.
"Mom… is something wrong?"
Ditzy bristled. Her mind worked furiously to create a convincing lie, so that Dinky wouldn't be concerned.
"Just… just a little problem I ran into this morning," the pegasus responded, smiling at her filly. "Nothing for you to worry about."
"Something went wrong at work again, didn't it?" Dinky continued, frowning.
Dang. That unicorn could be too smart for her own good sometimes.
"Um… well…" Ditzy stammered. "Yeah, there was a little mishap, but it's really nothing to get worked up over…"
Dinky put her front hooves onto the couch, glancing at the newspaper before Ditzy could put it away. "Want ads?" she asked skeptically. "Mommy, you didn't lose your job, did you?"
"I… I…" Ditzy thought fast, not wanting to upset Dinky. "I'm just thinking of maybe switching jobs, that's all," she lied. "Things are getting hectic at work. Yeah."
If Dinky suspected anything more was amiss (and she probably did), she didn't show it. The filly trotted up to her room to do her assignments for the evening. Ditzy sighed in relief and went back to scouring the paper for any job she was qualified for. One small ad in the corner of the page caught her eye.
"Equestria Speedy Shipping Services! Equestria's number-one shipping service looking for new employees! Previous experience preferred. Located just outside of Ponyville, please visit us to apply."
That sounds perfect! Ditzy thought. I've shipped plenty of freight to every city in Equestria in the past. I think I could handle a job here! And the best part is, I'll have a clean slate with my new boss. Maybe I could be a better mailmare this time!
Grinning wildly, Ditzy hastily scribbled down the details for tomorrow, and then rose from her couch to go prepare dinner.
Shoving the remnants of her muffin-based breakfast into her mouth as she flew, Ditzy arrived in the quiet streets of Ponyville. Squinting at the address she had written, she flew through the streets, looking for the location.
It took longer than she thought to find the place. She'd been looking for a large, noticeable office or other glossy delivery building. Instead, she found herself at what looked like a slightly run-down old establishment rammed between a long string of small businesses and an old warehouse. Ditzy suspected the warehouse was probably used as the storage building for freight the company transported.
Ditzy checked the address number, and it matched the one she had copied from the newspaper ad. There was no sign on the door, but she supposed it didn't matter. The pegasus pushed open the door.
The first thing Ditzy noticed after closing the door behind her was the low amount of light. A small window on one side of the room was the only light source, and the shadow of the adjacent warehouse blocked a lot of that light as well. The walls were bare, and the room was totally empty save for a long counter on which absolutely nothing was sitting save for a service bell. A door in the wall behind the counter read "offices".
Ditzy wasn't surprised she'd never heard of this place; it certainly didn't look like a big deal; if the reception room was any indication, it probably wasn't a very wealthy company. Ditzy pondered if a little service like this probably could even be considered a business competitor to the nationally renowned Cloudsdale Mail and Freight.
"Beggars can't be choosers, I guess," Ditzy said aloud, unfazed by how humble as the new place seemed compared to her old place of employment. She flew up to the counter and rang the little bell. Then she waited, one eye focused on the door to the back while the other scanned the bland room for any further details.
The door creaked open, and a male unicorn peered out, his eyes falling on Ditzy.
"Yes, ma'am?" he asked in a clearly uninterested voice, not bothering to bring any more than his head forth from the back room.
"Uh…" Ditzy stammered, trying not to be intimidated by the unicorn's completely indifferent demeanor. "…I…I came to apply for a job. I saw the ad in the newspaper, and…"
The unicorn suddenly looked considerably more interested. "A potential employee? That's good news! Please come on back here, my office is at the end of the hall."
As suddenly as he had arrived, the unicorn disappeared again into the depths of the building. He hadn't even stepped far enough from the shadow of the doorway for the pegasus to get a good look at him.
Ditzy cautiously flew over the desk and gave the door a nudge. It opened to a hallway just as barren as the front room, and the pegasus caught a glimpse of the unicorn disappearing into the last room at the end.
"This building sure is… drab," the cross-eyed pony mumbled as she walked past the row of identical, unmarked doors. Only two in the whole hall gave any indication of what lied behind; one was marked with a symbol of a staircase, and the door to which Ditzy was headed held a nameplate.
"Dr. Candyfloss, Senior Manager."
Ditzy entered the office and found the unicorn that was presumably Dr. Candyfloss sitting behind his desk. She squinted at the sudden change in lighting; this room held a window that wasn't blocked by any outside structure, allowing light to flood the room. Once her eyes adjusted, Ditzy turned her attention toward the unicorn himself.
Dr. Candyfloss had a very airy appearance about him. His coat was white, contrasting with his magenta mane and tail, both of which seemed to be spread out lazily in a wispy sort of style, as if wind had blown his hair back and it had frozen in place like that. It looked curiously like the aerated sugar product that was the unicorn's namesake, if not for the slightly darker color of the mane.
He also wore a small bowtie, and a thick gold ring around one hoof. Perhaps most unusual were his eyes, which were a cloudy gray color that caused him to cast a somewhat unsettling gaze.
Ditzy glanced at his cutie mark, which appeared to be a small, golden bow with an arrow in place. The pegasus had no idea what it meant, but she never questioned it if a pony's cutie mark didn't seem to match their career, considering the bubbles that adorned her flank had nothing to do with her passion for mail delivery or muffins.
"Come in, miss, come in," Dr. Candyfloss called, gesturing to a chair in the corner. His voice was unusually high and breathy for a male pony. Ditzy moved to the chair in question and faced the unicorn.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully. "So… this is where I apply, right?"
"That it is," the unicorn said with a smile. "I'm very glad to find somepony showing an interest; we're woefully understaffed right now. So if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to get right to the interview."
His horn glowed briefly, and a quill and piece of paper escaped the clutter of his desk rose up in front of him.
"So, ma'am, why don't you give me your name and tell me a bit about yourself."
Ditzy cleared her throat. "Well, my name's Ditzy Doo. I'm a pegasus living a short ways outside of Cloudsdale. I'm looking for a job to support myself and my filly, since I'm a single mom and…"
"Hold it, hold it," Dr. Candyfloss intervened, frowning. "You're a single mother? Dear me, I'm afraid if you're separated, it won't look good for our…"
"Actually," Ditzy cut him off. "We're not… I mean weren't, separated. It's just my husband is… deceased…"
"Oh!" The stallion responded. Much to Ditzy's confusion and slight indignation, Dr. Candyfloss seemed to brighten considerably at this news. "Well, that works then. No problems. Please continue."
Ditzy struggled to find her voice again. Why in Equestria... she thought, ...Would it be preferable to have a dead spouse to a seperated one? She decided it didn't matter either way; she couldn't fathom how either option could have any bearing on a delivery job.
"So…" she picked up. "Yeah, I need the job if possible, since I don't have any income at the moment."
"Don't worry," the unicorn responded. "We'll be sure to hire you if at all possible, and help you with the whole nasty business." He glanced at his notes. "Speaking of which, would you mind giving me past employment details?"
"Well, my last job was at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight," the pegasus continued, somewhat nervous about the direction the topic was taking.
"Your position?"
"Mailmare, of course."
"And why did you leave that job?"
"Well," Ditzy began, her head drooping a bit in shame. "I… wasn't particularly punctual. Or good at navigation. I get the job done, most of the time, but I'm a little slow at it because of my eye condition…"
"Yes, I was wondering about the eyes," Candyfloss responded. "No offense, of course! They're just… curious."
"Oh it's no problem. I get that a lot." Ditzy replied, waving away the mention of her unusual eyes. "So anyways, eventually they had to let me go, because I couldn't keep up with their speed and accuracy standards." She leaned forward suddenly. "But I really try my best! Surely with your understaffing here, employing a less-than-100%-efficient pony is preferable to not employing anyone at all!"
"Calm down, my dear!" Dr. Candyfloss responded with a reassuring smile. "Don't let it worry you. Such difficulties make little difference to us here!"
Ditzy was struck dumb. The unicorn had brushed off her somewhat terrible delivery record like it was nothing. "Gee, Dr. Candyfloss," she said hesitantly. "You guys must really be desperate for employees, then."
The unicorn smiled at the confused pony. "No, miss Ditzy, it's simply that I am more concerned about your personality then your physical skills for this job. And you seem to be quite charming; friendly as well as honest. I think you'll be fine."
"Well… thanks!" Ditzy replied, smiling. "So, is there anything else you need to know?"
The unicorn put a hoof to his chin in thought. "Just outstanding medical conditions, I suppose. How bad, really, is your little eye problem? And do you currently have any other major health issues?"
Ditzy grinned sheepishly. "The eyes are the only problem, and they aren't really that bad. My depth perception is a little off, and I get lost easily. Oh, and I can't read very quickly. But other than that, I'm fine."
Dr. Candyfloss scribbled down a few more notes with his magical quill, then looked up and smiled politely at his pegasus guest. "Well then, miss Ditzy Doo, I think you make the cut! I'd be happy to make you a member of the team at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services!"
Ditzy's eyes lit up. "Really? I'm hired?"
"Almost," the unicorn chuckled. "Just sign the line on the employment contract!"
He levitated a long scroll full of text and a quill over to Ditzy. She glanced briefly at the contract, and didn't see any particularly noticeable problems with it. Besides, Dr. Candyfloss seemed trustworthy, just a bit unconventional; Ditzy put her doubts aside and signed her name at the bottom of the contract, which promptly rolled shut and floated into the unicorn's file cabinet.
"Excellent!" Dr. Candyfloss chirped. "It's still early, so we'll have time to send you out on your first assignment later today! In the meantime, please head upstairs to the employee lounge. At least one of our other members should be up there to show you around. I'll call you over an intercom when I have your first assignment."
"Thank you sir!" Ditzy squealed excitedly. She performed a goofy salute before zipping out of the office.
Dr. Candyfloss chuckled to himself as he watched her go. "Such enthusiasm." He said to himself. "I just hope she can live up to my expectations. This job takes a special kind of pony. She may not be a top-notch mailmare, but perhaps she'll find her duties here more to her tastes."
Ditzy opened the door with the little stairway sign on it. As she proceeded up the narrow stairwell, she thought to herself about her new boss; he was an unusual pony, to say the least. Ditzy wondered why he seemed more concerned about her personality then her skills; maybe she was going to be assigned a short, easy mail route full of little old ponies who like to stop and have a friendly conversation with the mailmare.
The grey pegasus was so busy fantasizing about her job that she crashed right into the upper door, causing it to swing open. Once she recovered from the impact, she was able to peer into the employee lounge. It wasn't lavish, but at least it was furnished. A few couches and a bookshelf sat around the edges. A fridge sat in one corner, and there was fresh coffee on a counter, as well as crumbs on a plate, the remnants of what Ditzy hoped to Celestia had been muffins. The room had a rather high ceiling and a large window; it seemed a calm and cozy place for her to relax between deliveries.
However, there was no sign of the other pony Candyfloss had mentioned; maybe he or she had left early, or was on an assignment after all.
"Hey! Yeah, you! The gray mare!"
Surprised by the voice, Ditzy peered almost straight up, and spotted a pegasus that had been hovering by the ceiling when she entered. He had a red coat and brown mane, and a pair of intense green eyes. He also had a strong, sleek build; he looked rather athletic.
Ditzy gawked for a moment as the other pegasus swooped down. "Hey," he said. "What's wrong, didn't Candyfloss answer the service bell again? His office is at the end of the hall downstairs."
"What?" Ditzy was momentarily confused. "Oh… no, I'm not a customer. I'm a new employee."
"Really? You're kidding!" the other pegasus responded. "We haven't gotten anyone new in ages! This'll be really helpful."
He extended a hoof. "I'm Autumn Breeze," he said with a friendly smile. "But I usually just go by Breeze. And you are?"
"Ditzy Doo," the female pegasus answered, shaking Breeze's hoof. "I was just hired a couple minutes ago."
"Sweet," Breeze responded. "The other's are all out on jobs right now, so I'll give you the new worker lowdown."
He gestured around the room. "Later in the day, most of us are going to be hanging out in here. This is where we chill when we're on the clock but not on assignment. It's a nice place, really. Fridge is usually stocked, and we got hot breakfast and fresh coffee in the mornings. Unfortunately, you seem to have missed breakfast today. Pity too, we had some really nice blueberry muffins…"
Ditzy jumped and put a hoof to her mouth to stop a squeal, as she literally quivered with excitement at the prospect of fresh baked muffins daily. Fortunately for her, Breeze was looking the other way at the time.
"That's about all we got around here…" Breeze finished, turning back to look at Ditzy. "Have any questions before old Candyfloss sends you out?"
"Well," Ditzy pondered. "Uh, is there any way to get from here into the warehouse next door?"
Breeze raised an eyebrow. "What… why would you need to get in there?"
"Well, that's where the freight is stored, isn't it?"
"What freight?"
Now it was Ditzy's turn to give Breeze a weird look. "Uh… you know… the packages, the furniture, everything else. Where's the freight we need to ship?"
"What are you talking ab…" Breeze stopped in mid-sentence as he processed Dtizy's last comment. "Wait… did you just say, the freight we need to ship?"
"Yes!" Ditzy yelled in exasperation. "This is Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, isn't it? If I'm going to be a mailmare, I need to know where the mail I'm delivering is!"
Breeze stared at Ditzy, speechless for a split-second. Then, he burst into a fit of laughter so intense that he fell to the floor, rolling and flailing around as he continued to guffaw. Ditzy stared at him, completely at a loss for words to the male pegasus' seemingly senseless reaction.
"Oh, I told him! I TOLD Candyfloss this was gonna happen if he didn't reword the ad! He didn't believe me! Oh, I'm never gonna let him live this down!"
"Excuse me…" said Ditzy weakly. "But, can you please explain what in Equestria is going on?"
Breeze finally got to his hooves, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Ditzy, my girl," he said with a chuckle. "Nowadays, the word 'shipping' has more than one definition."
Ditzy looked skeptical. "Meaning…"
"Meaning," continued Breeze, "that Equestria Speedy Shipping doesn't deliver letters and haul freight at all."
Ditzy tensed. "Then… then what do you do?"
"The other type of shipping," Breeze answered with a glint in his eye. "We at Equestria Speedy Shipping aren't delivery ponies… we're pony matchmakers!"
The next thing Ditzy remembered was waking suddenly. She would have immediately taken the opportunity to pass the whole incident off as a dream, had she not looked up to see Autumn Breeze standing over her.
"Hi." Said Breeze bluntly. "You passed out, so I put you on the couch. I'll give you a second to collect yourself, in case coming to grips with your situation makes you faint again."
He chuckled a bit, but Ditzy hardly heard him; her head was positively swimming with thoughts as everything Dr. Candyfloss had said and done began to make sense. Dr. Candyfloss was glad to hear I wasn't separated from my husband... she thought, ...because that would mean that there had been poor choices of romantic partner made. He wouldn't hire a matchmaker that had failed to match herself up!
One after another, the rest of Candyfloss's mannerisms began to make sense. And personality is more important than delivery skills since I'm not going to be delivering anything at all! And Dr. Candyfloss's cutie mark... it's Cupid's bow and arrow... and...
Shaking herself from her fast-paced reverie, Ditzy finally sat up, looking overwhelmed and somewhat miserable. Breeze still looked concerned as he looked over her.
"Are you gonna be okay?" the male pegasus asked. "I guess that news was kind of a shock. I'll get you a glass of water, and then you can feel free to bombard me with any questions you may have. I'm sure some have arisen in your mind by now."
He was right in that respect; Ditzy was overflowing with new concerns, as well as a nagging feeling that she had wound up in way over her head this time. The grey pegasus took the glass that Breeze offered and quickly downed the water. Her head feeling a little clearer, she turned to look at Breeze, who was smiling a little awkwardly.
"So..." Ditzy finally found her voice. "I guess the first thing I need to know is… now what? Can I just go down to Dr. Candyfloss right now and quit?"
"I doubt it," Breeze responded. "You signed the contract, right? That means you're on the job for one year, and then you renew or quit."
"But, surely if it's a mistake, he can reconsider!" Ditzy countered. "I mean, this isn't what I thought I signed up for! I even told Dr. Candyfloss I was a mailmare before this!"
"You did?" Breeze looked intrigued. "Well, it's not like I haven't been telling him that one of these days a mailpony was going to apply by accident. That must mean he hired you on purpose, even knowing that you had no idea what was going on!"
"What?" Ditzy replied incredulously. "I knew he was desperate for new employees, but not to the point of hiring completely inexperienced mares that aren't even aware what they're applying for!"
"No, it's not that," said Breeze calmly. "Listen Ditzy. Candyfloss may not be the best boss ever, but he's unparalleled in the shipping business… and yes, I mean the new definition of shipping," he added quickly, countering the question Ditzy was about to ask. "Anyway, he would never do something like this without a reason. If he hired you on such bizarre circumstances, then he sees something in you that he thinks will make you a valuable member or our team."
Ditzy looked skeptical. "What else do you know about Dr. Candyfloss?"
"Quite a bit, actually," Breeze chuckled. "First of all, he's not a doctor, he just likes the sound of adding a title to his name. I tend to remind him of that pretty often, since it drives him crazy." Breeze punctuated his sentence with a chuckle. "Anyway, he was born into a family who owns a candy company in Fillydelphia, but he never really liked the candy business. He was an introverted little colt, not talking to many other ponies, and always keeping notes in a secret notebook of his. Then one day, so he tells me, he put those notes he took to good use, dropped a few choice tidbits of information to a few choice ponies, and by the end of the day, half the employees at the factory were paired up with a significant other. And thus, Candyfloss got his matchmaking Cutie Mark."
"But my special talent isn't matchmaking!" Ditzy responded. "My cutie mark has nothing to do with it!"
"Neither does mine," said Breeze calmly, showing off his cutie mark, a maple leaf. "I'm actually part of the fall weather team. I'm usually in charge of getting any leaves off the trees that the Running of the Leaves doesn't take care of. But, during the other nine months of the year, I need something to do, and here I am."
"Then... you're good at your job here?" Ditzy asked, before realizing the negative implication she had made. "I mean, uh, even though it's not your special talent?"
"Actually, yeah," Breeze answered. "I applied here on purpose, matchmaking is sort of a secondary talent of mine. Very few ponies have it as their special talent, but plenty can do it almost as well on the side."
He looked at Ditzy for a moment, as if trying to see some obscure detail. "Even if you've never tried to ship two ponies together before, you might have the talent for it hidden in there somewhere. And Candyfloss can see it; I think he can see it in everypony who has it. If he hired you, even while knowing that you have no experience, then something about you is signaling to him that you're the pony for the job."
"But I… I…" Ditzy didn't know what to say. She couldn't think of another argument. Instead, she said something entirely different.
"Maybe… I should just give it a try then?"
"That's the spirit!" Breeze smiled broadly. "You never know until you've given it a go, right?"
"Yeah, but…" Ditzy looked a little worried still. "Can you at least give me a better idea of what I need to do?"
"Sure, it's not as hard as it sounds," Breeze replied. "See, the pony looking to win the heart of their crush sometimes is unsure how to go about doing it. So they call this company, and Candyfloss sends whoever he deems to be the best employee for the job out to help. And don't think he doesn't already have a specific type of job in mind for you. He does. He's always a step ahead somehow."
Ditzy just gulped.
"Anyway, one of us goes to meet this lovestruck pony," Breeze continued. "And find out who the object of their affection is. Then comes the fun part. We're tasked with finding a discreet way to get the other pony interested in our client, to whatever extent the client asks, be it a simple, casual date, or something way more complicated. A price is agreed on beforehand, which is different for everypony; we bargain with the client until we both agree on a price, and if we succeed in the matchmaking, the client pays."
"And if we fail?" Ditzy asked.
"That's up to the client. Some are friendly and will give a fraction of the pay for the attempt. Others won't turn over a single bit if they're dissatisfied. In that way, it can be a tough business. And 10% of your pay goes to Candyfloss so he can keep this run-down place from crumbling in on us."
"Alright, that all makes sense," Ditzy responded. "But you still didn't tell me how to go about the matchmaking."
Breeze grinned mischievously. "That's because that part is different every time. Get creative. And don't get too worked up about it; if you have a talent for this stuff, it will usually work out, surprising as that may sound."
Ditzy didn't really believe him, and he seemed to pick up on that. "Really, don't worry," he said gently. "Try it once or twice and see for yourself."
A loud screech filled the room. Ditzy flinched from the sound, but Breeze didn't so much as bat an eyelash. "You get used to that," he said dully. "It's the intercom."
The grating sound was replaced by the breathy voice of Candyfloss. "Paging miss Ditzy Doo. Please report to my office for your first assignment."
Ditzy shot a panicked look at Breeze, who just smiled and shrugged. "Good luck," he chuckled, as Ditzy slowly exited the room.
Ditzy stared at the address on the little paper. It was the only resource she was given. There was no way to know who the client was, or what kind of job they had in mind. Ditzy was instructed to just go to the address and see for herself.
However, she wasn't totally in the dark. Ditzy had realized that there was one advantage to being a mailmare before taking this job; she was already familiar with a fair number of mailing addresses around Equestria. For instance, she recognized the one she was given today as the address of the Ponyville library.
Ditzy's heart pounded as she landed in front of the large tree that contained the library. It was finally time to start her first assignment, and she still didn't feel ready. She hesitated for a few moments.
"For Dinky," the pegasus repeated to herself again and again. "I have to do this. I need the money to support Dinky. I can do it." She raised a hoof and rapped on the door.
The door opened, but curiously nopony was on the other side. As far as Ditzy knew, Ponyville library did not have an automatic door. "Hello?" she asked hesitantly, peering into the library's semi-dark interior.
"Right here," came a male voice. Ditzy looked down and locked eyes with a small purple dragon.
"Oh! Hi Spike!" Ditzy greeted. "How are you?" The pegasus was relieved to see Spike; Twilight Sparkle was usually busy studying or out with her friends, and so Ditzy was used to delivering the mail to the unicorn's little dragon assistant.
"I'm fine, actually," Spike replied. "What's up, Ditzy? Is there a delivery for Twilight or something?"
"No," Ditzy replied. "It's something totally different, actually. I, uh… I'm supposed to respond to a call that came from this location, directed to Equestria Speedy Shipping Services…"
Spike gasped, grabbed Ditzy's mane and yanked her inside, and slammed the door.
"I contacted them this morning," the young dragon whispered. "But I didn't know you worked there. How long has that been going on?"
"Since this morning," Ditzy said dryly.
"Oh," Spike pondered this for a second. "Well, are you any good?"
"I have no idea," Ditzy continued in the same cynical tone.
There was a long pause as Spike thought about this. "Good enough," he said finally. "I guess I have your first assignment then." He leaned in to speak softly to the pegasus. "You see, I've noticed that word is starting to get around in Ponyville that I like Rarity, and I…"
"You like Rarity!?" Ditzy cried loudly, likely alerting half the neighborhood.
"Shush!" Spike scolded. "It's supposed to still be a secret!"
"Sorry," Ditzy mumbled, covering her mouth. "Continue."
"Anyway," Spike went on. "Word seems to be getting around, and so lately I've been getting desperate to find a way to clue Rarity in to how I feel before she finds out herself through… extenuating circumstances. I think that would just complicate things."
"So…" Ditzy started. "What do you want me to do, then?"
"It doesn't have to be anything big," Spike mumbled, looking down in mild embarrassment. "Just… see if you can get her to go to dinner with me or something. Or anything else; it doesn't have to be dinner. I just want some way for the two of us to get together without Twilight and all her other friends, so Rarity can at least get to know me better, and… well, I'll try to handle things from there."
"Well, I can try to manage that," Ditzy said. "Do you have a price in mind?"
"Well, I don't have any bits," Spike responded. "But I do have a bunch of gems. I was going to eat them, but you can take them if you help me out. I'd gladly give up all the gems in the world for Rarity…"
Spike trailed off into a happy daydream. Ditzy considered the assignment. "So, all I have to do is get Rarity to go on what is more or less a date with you?"
"I guess, if you want to word it like that," Spike mumbled, blushing profusely.
"Well, alright, Spike, you've got yourself a deal." The pegasus chirped. "I'll go talk to Rarity and see what I can do. No guarantees, though."
"Thanks! And good luck!" Spike called as the Ditzy flew off to Carousel Boutique.
Rarity hummed contently as she carefully united two pieces of fabric, a part of a dazzling new design she had envisioned that morning. Her work was suddenly interrupted by the sound of something heavy slamming into her front door.
"Good heavens, what was that?" the unicorn asked herself out loud. "Honestly, if this has something to do with Sweetie Belle and her friends again…"
Rarity used magic to yank open the door, and gasped with surprise at the sight of a grey pegasus, sprawled on the ground and clutching her snout.
"Owwww," Ditzy groaned. "Stupid depth perception! I could have sworn I had a few more feet until I reached that door."
"Dear, are you okay?" Rarity asked sympathetically. "Do step inside; I'll get you some ice for that bump."
Rarity disappeared into another room as Ditzy wandered in to the boutique. The grey pegasus found herself surrounded by pony mannequins, each clad in a fabulous, flashy, work-in-progress dress of Rarity's. However, she hardly noticed her glamorous surroundings; she was too busy racking her brain for the best way to get Rarity to do what Spike wanted, as well as rubbing her sore nose.
"Here we are, darling," Rarity sang, returning with a bag of ice, which was quickly tied around Ditzy's snout. "Now, why did you drop by today, dear?"
"Uh… I wanted to…um… I mean… I was thinking of purchasing a… dress?" Ditzy stammered, fumbling to come up with an excuse for her arrival.
Rarity's eyes lit up. "Oh, of course! Please, come with me, I have an absolutely fabulous new collection I've recently finished, tailor-made just for pegasi. I'm sure we can have you looking simply stunning!"
Rarity paused, frowning slightly. "Of course, they haven't been adjusted yet, I've been unable to get them modeled. Fluttershy is out of town this week, and Rainbow Dash flat-out refused…" Suddenly, a look of excitement washed over Rarity's features. "My dear, I know I hardly know you, but how would you like to model for me today?"
"Sure!" Ditzy answered, excited at the chance. Plus, she thought, It'll give me more time to figure out how to get what Spike wants from her.
"Marvelous!" Rarity cried. "Just stand up on the stage between the mirrors and I'll bring in the dresses!"
"Okay, think," Ditzy whispered to herself as she waited for her hostess to return. "How can I turn the topic to Spike?" The pegasus felt her stomach begin to knot in worry. "What if I can't do it? If I can't make such a minor thing happen, I guess I have no place in the pony shipping business."
Ditzy recalled what her new co-worker Breeze had said to her. If Candyfloss hired you, even while knowing that you have no experience, then something about you is signaling to him that you're the pony for the job.
Ditzy stamped her hoof in frustration. "Candyfloss might be wrong," she grumbled. "I'm a lousy mailmare, and I might turn out to be just as lousy a matchmaker."
"Here we are!" Rarity mused as she reappeared, rolling out a rack containing at least a dozen dresses. "Let's get started."
Over the next hour, Ditzy allowed herself to be Rarity's model, waiting patiently while the unicorn made tiny adjustments to the pieces and fawned over the pegasus' appearance in them.
"So, what do you think of this one, miss… erm…" Rarity faltered. "Pardon me, I know you're the mailmare, but I don't believe I know your name."
"Ditzy Doo," the pegasus replied. "And this dress is beautiful!"
The pegasus admired the garment that was undoubtedly her favorite dress of the bunch. It was a somewhat frilly yellow piece that went nicely with her mane and eyes. Rarity seemed to agree; she was practically faint with glee at the sight of her fashion genius looking so perfect on somepony.
Ditzy was hesitant to remove the dress as she marveled at its beauty. If there's one thing this unicorn can do better then anyone else, it's fashion, she thought.
Wait. Fashion. That was the key. That was her opening to strike.
"So," Ditzy tried to sound casual as she removed the dress and prepared to model the next one. "Do you only make clothing for ponies?"
Rarity looked somewhat confused. "For the most part," she answered. "There aren't exactly a lot of intelligent species besides ponies in the area, but I suppose now and again a whip up something special for a visiting creature from another part of Equestria. But, why do you ask?"
"Well," Ditzy tried to look nonchalant, which was usually easy to accomplish; it's hard to look too focused when one's eyes face different directions. "I was talking to Twilight Sparkle's dragon friend Spike, and he expressed an interest in getting a suit from somewhere, you know, to go with that top hat of his and the magic moustache…"
Rarity began to laugh. "Oh, Spike! He's such a charming little dragon! Why didn't he just come to me in the first place? I could definitely make a little formal jacket or something for him!"
"Awesome," the pegasus responded. "After we're done here, I'll go find him and let him know. I think he's not busy today, since Twilight's off somewhere."
Rarity was beaming at the prospect of creating a tiny suit for the dragon. "Never mind the modeling, go find him now! I'll get the dresses put away, and be ready when he gets here!"
"I know it's not exactly what you were after…" Ditzy said. "But it was the only way I could turn the topic of conversation to you without it seeming suspicious."
Spike just gawked. Ditzy shifted her weight uncomfortably.
"Not… not really what you wanted, huh? Sorry, I gave it a shot and…"
"This is the greatest thing EVER!" Spike cried suddenly, leaping up and pulling Ditzy into a hug. "I couldn't possibly ask for a better situation! Now I get to spend time with Rarity, and she gets to do what she does best at the same time! It'll make conversation so much easier than if we'd wound up just getting dinner."
Spike literally had tears of joy in his eyes. "Ditzy, how can I ever repay you?"
Ditzy smirked. "Well, the price we agreed on earlier would be a good start."
Spike blushed. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." The dragon produced an ornate box, which contained about a dozen large gemstones. "I'm not sure of the current prices on some of these," Spike said. "But I bet you could get about two-hundred bits for them."
Ditzy gratefully accepted the marvelous gems; "Two hundred bits? That's like a week's pay at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight!"
"Ah, it's nothing," Spike said. "It's barely enough thanks for what you did for me."
The little dragon skipped around the library as he finished up his chores and shined his scales, and then he and Ditzy proceeded back to Carousel Boutique.
Ditzy watched discreetly through an upper window as Rarity trotted around, taking measurements and displaying various sample cloth scraps to Spike. The dragon was beaming the whole time, and he and Rarity seemed to be engaged in a hearty conversation after only a few minutes.
As the pegasus clutched the box of gems to her chest, the reality of it all finally sunk in. Her very first assignment, and she had succeeded! In fact, she'd gone above and beyond what her client had asked for without even trying. Ditzy flew home, already rehearsing her announcement of her grand achievement in her head for when she would tell Breeze about it tomorrow morning.
Ditzy burst through the door of the employee lounge, leapt into the air, and flew straight across the room to the breakfast table. An entire muffin was already in her mouth before her hooves even touched the floor again. The grey pegasus chewed contently for a few moments.
"Hungry today, are we?"
Ditzy snapped out of her muffin trance, and turned to glance at the pony who had addressed her.
"Hi Breeze!" she greeted cheerfully after managing to swallow the large quantity of muffin she had been chewing.
"Hey." Breeze replied, flashing a friendly smile. "So, how'd that first job go yesterday? Did you manage to fulfill your client's request?"
Ditzy nodded enthusiastically and proceeded to tell her co-worker all about the previous day's assignment.
"Well, sounds like an easy one, but I bet Candyfloss planned that, it being your first assignment and all" Breeze answered when her story had concluded. "But still, you had a creative way of handling it. Sounds like it went well."
"Yeah," Ditzy replied, groping for another muffin. "And I got a good price, too! Two-hundred bits!"
Breeze grinned. "Wait till you get a job from Canterlot," he replied. "You can make a lot more than that if you know how to haggle."
"Really?" asked Ditzy, surprised that anypony would be willing to pay that much.
"We work in a rare business, Ditzy," Breeze said. "It's a tough job sometimes, but if you have a few successful jobs a week, any money problems you might have will vanish pretty quickly."
Ditzy imagined her life if she made double what she had made at her old job. She wouldn't be struggling to get by anymore. She could purchase better food, give her cottage the maintenance it needed, and even buy Dinky those expensive dolls she wanted for her birthday.
"Is this your new friend then, Breeze?" came an accented voice. Ditzy and Breeze turned to see another pegasus entering the room. He had a white coat and a dark grey mane, and wore a small beret perched at an angle on his head. He had a raincloud for a cutie mark.
"Morning, Cloudcover," Breeze said. He turned back to Ditzy. "Ditzy, this is Cloudcover," he said. "He's the only other pegasus that works here besides the two of us."
"Pleasure to meet you," Cloudcover said, extending a hoof to Ditzy.
"I know that accent…" Ditzy said as she shook the newcomer's hoof. "You're from Trottingham, aren't you?"
"Right-o!" Cloudcover responded. "I'm surprised you're familiar with the accent; Trottingham isn't exactly next door."
"Oh, I've been around," Ditzy replied. "I used to be a mailmare. There isn't a city in Equestria I haven't visited at some point or another."
"Oh, right!" Cloudcover chuckled. "Breeze told me yesterday that you wound up here somewhat by accident."
"She succeeded on her first assignment, though," Breeze cut in.
"Splendid!" the white pegasus replied. "I'll admit I failed my first task quite badly, but I've gotten a mite better since then."
Ditzy turned back to Breeze as Cloudcover floated over to the table for some coffee. "So, Breeze, how many other ponies work here?"
"Just two," said Breeze. "They should be here any moment actually."
There was a loud crash in the vicinity of the staircase, followed by wild laughter and a muffled, but clearly angry, female voice. "That would be them now," Breeze said.
The lounge door opened and a yellow Earth pony with a brown mane raced into the room. He had an extremely enthusiastic expression on his face; his yellow eyes practically glowed with excitement. Ditzy noticed the energetic pony had a pair of live wires with a spark between them for a cutie mark.
"What's the hold up? You're so slow!" the Earth Pony called down the steps.
"I think you're just too fast, as always," the female voice replied. The owner of this voice, a sky blue unicorn with a teal mane, sauntered into the room. In contrast to the other new arrival, she didn't look particularly enthused; her purple eyes stared in annoyance at the Earth Pony. The unicorn sported a cluster of small stars and a comet as a cutie mark.
"Oh, lighten up," the Earth pony said to his unicorn companion. He glanced over, and his eyes locked on Ditzy. "Oh! There! It's the new employee!"
In an instant, the Earth pony was right in front of Ditzy, shaking her hoof so rapidly that her whole body vibrated.
"Hi! How are ya'! The name's Kilowatt Hour, most people just call me Watt, probably because by the time they say my whole name I'm already gone!" He punctuated his erratic greeting with an annoyingly loud, gleeful laugh. Ditzy had to listen carefully to catch everything the pony said; he talked just as quickly as he moved.
"So anyways, who're you?"
"D-D-Ditzy D-Doo," Ditzy stammered, her body still trembling from Watt's jarring hoofshake.
"Nice to meet ya', Ditzy Doo! I'm positive you and I will get along just fine, even though I don't know anything about you, because I get along well with everypony and hey are those muffins?"
And suddenly, Watt was at the breakfast table, helping himself. Ditzy barely even saw him move.
Breeze met Ditzy's slightly distressed look with a grin. "Don't worry about him," he said. "Watt takes a little getting used to, but he's just about the friendliest pony you'll ever meet."
"He certainly seems… energetic," Ditzy commented.
"That's what happens when you work with electricity!" Watt yelled without turning away from his breakfast. "Once you get shocked enough times, everything around you starts moving real slowly!"
He shoved another pastry into his mouth, and suddenly, he was on the other side of the room, talking to Cloudcover. All Ditzy saw was a blur of yellow fur as he passed by.
Ditzy turned to look at the unicorn, who hadn't spoken to anyone since entering the room. She was now seated in the corner, using her magic to page through a magazine.
"Who's that?"
Breeze looked over at the unicorn. "That's Cosmic Glow. We just call her Glow. Well, except for Watt; he calls her Cosmo for whatever reason."
"Should I go introduce myself?" Ditzy asked. "She didn't come join us; is she shy or something?"
"Shy is… not the right word," Breeze said. "More like… just plain antisocial."
"Oh, she can't be that bad," Ditzy argued. "She's gotta have some social skills if she's a matchmaker."
Breeze shrugged. "Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you."
"Oh, hush," Ditzy chided. She left the dining area and trotted over to Cosmic Glow. She stood in front of the unicorn for a few moments, but the latter didn't lower her magazine.
"Hello," said Ditzy loudly, determined to get the unicorn to talk to her.
Glow finally put down the magazine and looked up at Ditzy. She stared blankly at the pegasus for a few moments, and then scrunched up her nose as if she had smelled something rotten.
"Ew. What's wrong with your eyes?"
Ditzy was used to the question, but was still taken aback by how rudely the unicorn had phrased it. "They've… been that way for a while…" she replied slowly, not trying to hide her ticked-off expression. "It's an unfortunate medical condition."
She turned the topic away from her disability. "Anyway," she continued, extending her hoof in greeting. "I'm Ditzy Doo. You are…?"
"Glow," the unicorn responded, rudely ignoring Ditzy's offered hoofshake. "I have the best success rate at this company. I suppose you, being a newbie, came to me for some tips?"
"Not… really," Ditzy was getting more and more annoyed with this unicorn's personality. "I just figured I'd be friendly and say hello."
"Well then, hello. Now go away, I'm busy," Glow responded, levitating her magazine again. Ditzy snorted indignantly, and turned and trotted back toward the other ponies.
"A real charmer, isn't she?" said Breeze sarcastically as the frustrated pony walked up to him.
"She's… she's just a jerk, really," Ditzy said under her breath. "Does she really have the highest shipping success rate of all of you?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Breeze replied. "While she naturally has not one polite bone in her body, she's awfully good at faking it when dealing with clients. And despite her utterly snide attitude, she really gets the workings of relationships, somehow. Her total success number is way higher than any of ours. The only pony with a better record for success is Candyfloss himself, and he's in a whole different category then we are."
"What kind of jobs does Candyfloss do, anyway?" Ditzy asked.
"Nopony knows. All I can tell you is he handles super-complex or very delicate situations; sometimes his plan to get two ponies together can span a month or more. And yet, rumor has it he's never failed a single job he's taken."
"Really?"
Breeze shrugged again. "Like I said, it's all rumors. Hardly anypony knows any real details about what Candyfloss really does. So, as far as proven records go, Glow still holds first place for most successful ships."
Ditzy glanced at everypony around the room. Autumn Breeze, Cloudcover, Kilowatt Hour, and Cosmic Glow; she certainly had some interesting new co-workers.
A loud screech filled the room, followed by Candyfloss's voice on the intercom.
"Ditzy Doo, an assignment has come in for you. Please report to my office."
"Got an early one today?" Breeze asked. "Good luck, as always."
"Thanks Breeze," Ditzy answered as she trotted out the door.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Meet me in Ponyville Park, under the big oak tree."
Ditzy read her assignment from the slip of paper again to ensure she remembered it as she glided along over the town. She tried to push her thoughts about her new co-workers out of her mind for the time being so she could focus on helping the client when she arrived.
The big oak tree was easy to spot, even with Ditzy's visual impairment. It was far and away the largest tree in the park, throwing shade for dozens of feet in every direction. The pegasus angled her flight toward it.
Unfortunately, a stray branch worked its way into a blind spot in poor Ditzy's vision. There was a sudden loud crack as she struck it, and the pegasus fell to the ground, tangled in a mesh of leaves and broken branches.
Ditzy groaned and rolled over, trying to escape the pile of foliage. She felt another pony's hoof grab her arm and help her get up.
Once Ditzy's head cleared from the crash, she turned to see who had helped her. She found herself face to face with a familiar Earth pony, a mare with a cream colored coat and a purple and blue mane.
"Oh, hi Bon-Bon! Thanks for the help," Ditzy said.
"No problem," Bon-Bon replied. "I guess you didn't see the… um… huge tree."
"I saw the tree!" Ditzy replied in false indignation. "Just not that particular branch!"
Both mares laughed. Ditzy and Bon-Bon lived relatively near to each other, and had gotten to be good friends over the years. Bon-Bon was used to Ditzy's unfortunate shenanigans, and the two of them joked about it all the time.
"So," said Ditzy after she stopped giggling. "Did you contact Equestria Speedy Shipping Services? I'm supposed to meet a client right here."
"Why, yes," Bon-Bon replied, looking surprised. "I didn't know you were a matchmaker, Ditzy!"
"I think I'm the one who should be surprised," Ditzy said. "What do you need shipping services for, Bon-Bon? Aren't you and Lyra already kind of an item? I mean, I thought everypony knew you two were together."
Bon-Bon looked a little sad. "Well, I guess that's true," she said. "Almost everypony does consider me and Lyra an couple. Everypony except… Lyra."
Ditzy gasped. "Lyra doesn't like you anymore?!"
"No, no, it's not that," Bon-Bon said hastily. "I just think Lyra might not… actually notice that we're a couple. She's been a bit… distracted lately, by her, um, hobby…"
"Hey, Bon-Bon!" cried a nearby voice. The two mares turned to see Lyra herself galloping toward them, carrying a long, low box of some sort.
"Hi Ditzy," said Lyra, before quickly turning back to Bon-Bon. "Bon, look at this!"
The mint green unicorn levitated the box in front of Bon-Bon, and removed the lid. Inside was a pile of mud, with an unusual oblong pattern imprinted on it.
"And… this is…?" Bon-Bon asked.
"I found it at the edge of the Everfree forest!" Lyra said. "Bon, I think this is a human footprint! From an actual human shoe!"
Lyra squealed with delight at her own discovery, eyeing the shape in the mud as if it was a pile of valuable gems. Bon-Bon just raised an eyebrow.
"I see you're speechless with excitement!" Lyra said after a moment. "I'm going to take this thing back to my place and analyze it further. Come with me, would you Bon?"
"Um, you go ahead, I'll be along in a few minutes," Bon-Bon replied. Lyra nodded and took off. "Oh, and, can Ditzy come too?" Bon-Bon called after her.
"Sure, why not!" cried Lyra as she disappeared around the corner.
Bon-Bon turned back to Ditzy. "And now you see my problem," she said. "Lately, Lyra's been so engrossed in her human studies that I feel more like her lab assistant then her lover." She looked at Ditzy with pleading eyes. "I just want to make sure Lyra still feels about me how I feel about her. Do you think you can do something about that?"
"I will certainly try," said Ditzy, pitying Bon-Bon's plight. "Did you have a price in mind?"
"Oh. Hmm," Bon-Bon thought about it. "I don't know, what do you usually get for a job like this?"
"I don't know; I'm too new at this to have any averages."
"How's… a hundred bits sound?"
"Deal," said Ditzy, not really worried about the lower price since, in essence, she had made an entire week's salary yesterday anyway. "Should we head over to Lyra's now?"
Bon-Bon pushed open the door to Lyra's home, and the two ponies stepped inside. There was no sign of Lyra in the main room, but this didn't seem to concern Bon-Bon. She walked over to a large picture of herself and Lyra hanging on the wall, and then looked over to Ditzy again.
"Lyra would appreciate it if you keep everything you're about to see secret," the Earth Pony said. She pushed the picture aside, reached into an alcove in the wall behind it, and pulled the lever found there. A corner of the floor suddenly fell away, revealing a narrow, dark staircase leading to a subterranean chamber.
"This leads to Lyra's Human Research Laboratory," Bon-Bon said dryly.
"This… hobby of Lyra's…" Ditzy said skeptically. "It's… more of an obsession, isn't it?"
"Well… yeah," Bon-Bon deadpanned.
The Earth pony sighed and started down the stairs. Ditzy followed along very slowly; she couldn't see too well and the last thing she needed now was to fall down the stairs on top of Bon-Bon.
At last the two reached the bottom of the steps. Ditzy stared at her surroundings in awe.
The walls were covered with sketches of various creatures, or parts of creatures, that Ditzy didn't recognize. She supposed they were all Lyra's attempts at recreating the theoretical structure of a human. A large bulletin board was completely clogged with a collage of photographs, every single one containing a horribly blurred or distant image of what was apparently some type of bipedal creature. None of them were of good enough quality to make out any details beyond that. A few long tables were littered with Lyra's collected "human artifacts"; all sorts of various odds and ends that certainly didn't appear to be of pony-made origins. One table even held a computer, a device that was horribly rare in Equestria. Ditzy marveled at the fact that anyone in Ponyville was able to afford one.
Over at one lab bench was Lyra, sitting in her usual awkward upright pose, gazing intently at her footprint specimen under a magnifying glass.
"Um, Lyra…" Bon-Bon said quietly. "We're here."
"Oh, good," mumbled Lyra without looking up. "Get me the little dust-brush thingy, would you, Bon?"
Bon-Bon trotted over to one of the desk drawers and retrieved the tool Lyra had requested. She deposited it on the table, and returned to stand next to Ditzy.
"What should I do?" Ditzy whispered. "I think messing with her stuff would only make her upset. How can I distract her from it?"
"I don't know," Bon-Bon replied. "You're the matchmaker here; you must have something up your sleeve."
Ditzy kept quiet for a moment, running ideas through her mind. Suddenly, a crazy thought came to her; a technique she had seen in a movie once seemed applicable to this situation. Ditzy wasn't sure if she could trust the movies, but obviously she had to try something.
"Hey Lyra," Ditzy piped up.
"Yeah?" Lyra's response was slightly delayed; she was now engrossed on creating a detailed sketch of the footprint.
"I thought you might be interested to know…" Ditzy continued. "Yesterday, when I was flying over the Everfree forest, I saw a creature that looked a little like some of these drawings of yours."
Lyra's pencil clattered to the floor as she stared in shock at the pegasus. "You saw a human? Where?!"
"Near those ruins in the forest," Ditzy said. "I wonder if it's still around?"
"We're going to find out!" declared Lyra, leaping from her stool and charging up the steps. "Grab your saddlebags, Bon-Bon! We're going to the Everfree forest!"
Bon-Bon gave Ditzy a shocked look. "What in Equestria are you doing, Ditzy?"
"Working on my plan," Ditzy said. "Go with it for now. And for a little while, it's important that Lyra doesn't know I'm following you guys, alright? Tell Lyra I said I'll meet you two at the ruins."
Bon-Bon looked grave. "I hope you know what you're doing, Ditzy Doo."
"Me too," said Ditzy as she trotted up the stairs.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ditzy was perched on a cloud, peering down over the edge as she watched Lyra and Bon-Bon walk toward the Everfree Forest. Bon-Bon was expecting to meet her discreetly in the forest in a few minutes. Lyra, on the other hand, believed that Ditzy had flown ahead to the ruins. It was imperative that she wasn't seen by Lyra, or her plan would be ruined. The pegasus waited nervously until both ponies had disappeared into the trees, and then swooped down into the forest herself.
"I can't believe this!" said Lyra excitedly. "Do you think I'll really get to see a human up close today? This could be the culmination of all my work and studies!"
Bon-Bon surpressed a groan. She looked around, and spotted Ditzy peeking out from behind a tree. She beckoned to Bon-Bon.
"Uhh, Lyra," said Bon-Bon. "Why don't you check over that way for a minute, and I'll look over here."
"Okay," said Lyra, trotting off to a nearby clearing and scribbling notes in her notepad.
Bon-Bon waited until she was out of sight, and then darted over to Ditzy. "Okay," she said with visible annoyance. "Will you please tell me what is going on now?"
"Yeah," said Ditzy. "First of all, this is a wild goose chase. There is no human."
"I figured that," Bon-Bon replied. "But how does this expedition make Lyra notice me?"
"I'm going to cause some… inconvenient situations," Ditzy said. "You know, cause minor accidents where it would only be proper for Lyra to help you out. Hopefully that will be enough for her to take her mind of the humans for long enough to treat you like a friend, not an assistant."
"What if she still doesn't notice?" Bon-Bon asked.
"Then you get all dirty and tired for no reason." Ditzy replied bluntly. "But this is the only idea I have right now."
"Fine," Bon-Bon mumbled. "Let's give it a try."
Lyra's hoofsteps could be heard nearby, so Ditzy quickly hid herself again. Lyra reappeared, and the two ponies ventured deeper into the forest, bound for the ruins at the center.
Ditzy, keeping out of sight in the treetops, grabbed a flexible branch and yanked it backwards. She then waited silently for her target. Soon, Lyra trotted by, with Bon-Bon following close behind. The hidden pegasus waited for the right moment, and then released the branch.
"SMACK!"
The limb whipped forward, knocking into Bon-Bon and sending her careening sideways. She landed with a splat in a pool of sticky black mud.
"Ugh, really?" asked Bon-Bon in annoyance, struggling in the goop. She turned to look at Lyra expectantly, but the unicorn was busy examining a pile of broken twigs, and hadn't even noticed the Earth pony's fall. Grumbling, Bon-Bon managed to stagger to her hooves by herself. She yanked a gob of smelly mud out of her mane, chucked it angrily aside, and followed Lyra again.
A few minutes later, the pair was passing through a narrow path lined thickly with bushes on either side. Ditzy lurked in one of the bushes, holding a vine between her teeth.
"This time, it's gotta work," Ditzy whispered through a mouthful of vine. She spotted the approaching hooves of the target ponies and hunkered down deeper in the bush. Two pairs of hooves belonging to Lyra passed by. Right before Bon-Bon passed, Ditzy yanked the vine with a jerk of her head, pulling it taut.
Bon-Bon cried out as she once again pitched sideways, this time landing in a large bush loaded with burs. The tiny, spiky spheres stuck by the hundreds to Bon-Bon's coat as she climbed back out.
This time, Lyra turned around. "Oh, Bon, you're totally covered in burs. Maybe we should…" Lyra stopped in mid sentence and her eyes lit up; an idea had just come to her.
"Burs! That reminds me! Humans always wear clothes, and burs stick to them just as easily as they do to ponies! I bet if any of the bur bushes around here are disturbed, it could clue us in to where the human is hiding!"
Forgetting completely about Bon-Bon, Lyra quickly began closely examining all the nearby shrubbery. Bon-Bon shook her body profusely, but not a single bur dislodged itself from her fur. With an exasperated groan, she continued to follow Lyra.
"This isn't working!" said a thoroughly dirty, smelly, bur covered Bon-Bon to Ditzy a few minutes later.
"You're right," said Ditzy. "It's time to kick it up a notch."
Ignoring Bon-Bon's look of horror, Ditzy explained her new plan. "What we need to do is fake a life threatening situation! Just up ahead is a rope bridge leading to the ruins. You have to 'accidentally' slip and dangle from the edge, and Lyra will have to save you! Even she can't ignore something like that!"
"And… what if she accidentally fails?" asked Bon-Bon, her shifting her weight nervously.
"Well, that's why I'll be waiting in the crevice to catch you, just in case." Ditzy replied.
"Something tells me this is a bad idea," Bon-Bon said. "But I trust you. Let's try it."
Lyra crossed the bridge without any trouble. "Come on, Bon!" she called. "We're almost there!"
Bon-Bon started across the bridge. It seemed pretty rickety; the Earth pony figured it would be easy to fake an accident on something like this.
However, Bon-Bon wasn't expecting one thing. When she neared the end of the bridge, a few planks actually did break loose. With a cry of surprise, the mare fell halfway, through the gap, barely clutching the wood of the remaining plank with her front hooves.
"Lyra! Lyra! Help!!"
But Lyra, in her uncontainable excitement, had already disappeared into the ruins.
Bon-Bon blinked. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" She screeched as she lost her grip and fell through.
"I gotcha'!" yelled Ditzy, hovering beneath the earth pony. Bon-Bon plummeted right onto Ditzy, who unfortunately hadn't been expecting the former to weigh quite as much as she did. Ditzy cried out in terror when she realized she couldn't support the Earth pony alone. The two mares tumbled into the valley.
"I knew this was a bad idea!" Bon-Bon screeched in rage.
The two ponies screamed as the ground rushed up at them. Impact would come at any moment, and it would likely be fatal. Both mares closed their eyes and waited for the inevitable.
But the impact never came. After several seconds, both ponies opened their eyes to see why they hadn't crashed yet.
Lyra grunted with the strain as she used her magic to haul the two frightened mares back up to the safety of the cliffside. Panting, she set them down, and then collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath.
"Lyra," said Bon-Bon after a moment. "You… you just saved our lives."
"Well, duh," said Lyra between gasps. "I'm not gonna just let my marefriend fall to her death now, am I?" Lyra chuckled, but then her expression turned more serious. "I heard you calling, but by the time I got back, you'd already fallen. I'm really sorry; I shouldn't just leave you like that in a dangerous place like this."
"So now you're sorry," said Bon-Bon. "Why did it have to be a life-or-death situation before you remembered your friend, Lyra?"
"Because…because I've been way too busy with all this human stuff lately…" Lyra said, finally making the connection. "Oh Bon, I've been acting like a total loser toward you lately, haven't I?"
"Well," said Bon-Bon. "You didn't exactly pay as much attention as you could have…"
Lyra jumped up and wrapped her arms around her friend. "Bon, I'm so sorry. I promise, I'll tone down my human studies. They almost made me forget what's really most important to me."
Smiling, Bon-Bon returned the hug. Over Lyra's shoulder, she mouthed "I'll pay you later," to Ditzy. Ditzy just nodded and winked.
After the hug broke, Lyra turned to Ditzy. "Ditzy, you can go home. We'll look for the human another time."
"Okay," Ditzy chirped. "See you later!"
Ditzy watched for a moment as the two ponies began the long walk back to Ponyville. "So, really, how can I make it up to you?" Lyra asked her marefriend.
"For starters, you can help me get all the mud and burs off when we get back!" Bon-Bon responded playfully.
The two mares laughed, and Ditzy took to the skies, satisfied with her second successful mission.
"Attention employees. It is now five o'clock. Your shift is over for the day. See you next week."
Breeze stomped his front hooves in satisfaction upon hearing the intercom message, and quickly cantered out of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services' Headquarters. Once outside, he bent down and extended his wings, ready to take off.
"Hey Breeze! Wait up!"
Breeze turned to face the source of the familiar female voice, looking up as Ditzy Doo descended and (for once) landed successfully.
"I just got back from a job," Ditzy panted. "Are we done for the day?"
"Yep," Breeze replied. "Candyfloss just announced it was closing time. We're done until Monday."
"Alright, I guess I'll head home then," Ditzy said.
"Which way are you headed?" The male pegasus asked. "Towards Cloudsdale?"
"Well… in that general direction," Ditzy replied.
"Cool. We'll fly together."
The two pegasi took to the air, quickly passing over Ponyville and crossing the countryside towards Cloudsdale.
"So… it's been a whole week already," Breeze observed. "If you don't mind me asking, Ditzy, what did you think of your first week working at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services?"
Ditzy grinned. "It went a lot better than I thought it would," she replied. "But a week of assignments isn't enough to take away the nervousness that comes with being a matchmaker."
"Come on, now," Breeze replied teasingly. "You've been on, what, four jobs now, and you haven't failed yet!"
It was true. After Ditzy's assignment with Lyra and Bon-Bon, the mare had received a few more jobs throughout the rest of the week, completing each one with what Breeze called "an unusual amount of creativity."
Ditzy laughed. "Yes, Breeze, but I've been getting lucky so far. There are definitely more complex jobs out there then the ones I've been getting, and now that I've been doing well, Candyfloss is probably going to start giving them to me."
"And I'm sure you'll find creative new ways to handle those jobs, just like always," Breeze reassured her.
"Wait, sorry, hang on," Ditzy said suddenly, glancing around. "Are we still going the right way?"
"If you mean toward Cloudsdale, then yes," said Breeze.
Ditzy caught sight of the landmark that she was searching for, which had escaped her vision for a few moments. "You're right. Sorry, I get lost pretty often."
"It's cool," Breeze said simply. "Don't worry, we're still on course."
Ditzy turned to Breeze, hovering silently in the air for a moment as she stared at him. "It occurs to me, Breeze…" she said slowly. "…That you are the first pony in years that has never once asked about my eye troubles. Even when I get lost in an obvious place, like I just did, you don't speak up. Not that I'm complaining, but… why haven't you?"
Breeze shrugged. "You get around fine by yourself. You usually manage to overcome any obstacles in a moment or two when you do come across them. I didn't see a need to bug you about it." He thought for a moment. "It's like… like asking a pony with an obscure Cutie Mark what it means. It's not exactly impolite, but why bring it up? It's not bothering anyone as is."
"Well, I appreciate it," Ditzy replied. "It's nice to know there's actually somepony out there who wants to know me more than they want to know about my eyes."
Breeze just nodded, and the two pegasi flew in silence for a few more moments.
"These eyes are the reason I lost my last job, you know," said Ditzy quietly. "All my deliveries were too slow, too inaccurate, or totally lost. Sometimes I just can't tell where I'm going, or if I'm about to run into something, or even what address I'm at. My vision just wasn't good enough to keep up with the demands."
"Then maybe it's a good thing you work with us now," Breeze suggested. "We're not big on deadlines and accuracy here. Heck, you could get lost on the way to an assignment and still make it to the client before any earth pony. Well… except for Watt; I'm a pegasus and even I can't keep up with him."
The pegasi laughed about their unusual coworker. "The point is," Breeze continued finally. "None of us, except maybe Glow, are going to judge you just because you're different. We work to bring happiness to lonely ponies, and I think most of us are better because of it. For the sake of our jobs, we need to understand and empathize with those around us."
"Yeah, I guess so," Ditzy answered thoughtfully. "And if there was one thing I was good at while I was a mailmare, it was making friends with the ponies on my mail route."
"See?" Breeze replied. "You're made for this job. All it takes is a determined and personable pony with a little intellect and creativity to be a successful shipper. You've got all those qualities in excess anyway."
"I…t-t thanks…" Ditzy stuttered, turning away and blushing a little at the praise. She glanced down and noticed her cottage coming up in the distance.
"Alright, Breeze," she said. "See you later. This is my stop."
"Where?" Breeze looked all around in confusion. "I don't see any houses up here."
"That's because I live down there," the mare replied, pointing to the small building.
"Oh!" Breeze said, surprised. "I didn't realize you lived on the ground. Why don't you live in a cloud house near Cloudsdale?"
"I did when I was younger," Ditzy answered. "But my husband was a unicorn, so I had to move down here to be with him. I would have moved back up after he passed away, but my daughter is a unicorn, too."
"Is she?" Breeze asked with interest. "I don't think you told me that."
"Say," said Ditzy suddenly. "Would you like to come and visit for a minute or two? You could meet Dinky."
"I'd love to," Breeze replied. "Lead the way."
The two pegasi descended to ground level. Ditzy landed on the wide, bare hill that she had purposely kept clear of trees and shrubs to provide herself with a landing pad even she couldn't miss. She lightly touched down, and trotted toward the cottage, Breeze following along behind her.
"One more thing," Ditzy said. "Dinky doesn't know I've been fired from my old job yet, so try not to bring up work, okay?"
"Gotcha'" Breeze said with a wink.
Ditzy pushed open the front door, and was greeted with a squeal of delight as her filly leapt up from couch and ran to her. Dinky jumped up and hugged her mother tightly; Ditzy returned the hug, smiling warmly at her daughter.
"Hiya, Dinky!" Ditzy said. "How was school today?"
"It was great!" Dinky replied excitedly. "Miss Cheerilee taught us all about…"
The little unicorn stopped mid-sentence when she spotted the red pegasus standing in the doorway behind her mother. "Mommy, who's that?"
"Dinky, this is Breeze," Ditzy said. "He's a friend of mine from work, and he stopped by to visit today on his way home."
Dinky trotted over to Breeze and smiled. "Hello, Mr. Breeze," she said sweetly. "Mommy doesn't bring friends from work to visit very often. Are you staying for dinner with us?"
Breeze laughed. "No, no, I just dropped in to say hello. I don't live very far away, and your mom and I got off work at the same time today, so we decided I could come and visit."
"You know, Dinky," Ditzy cut in. "Maybe we can have Breeze over for dinner another time though; we'll plan it in advance, and I'll have time to make something special."
Dinky beamed. "Please, can we do that soon, mommy? I love it when we have guests for dinner."
"Sure we can," Ditzy replied. "That is, if you're interested," she added, turning to Breeze questioningly.
"I'd love to," Breeze answered. "Just let me know at work, and I'll come over for the evening."
"Of course," said Ditzy. "We'd be happy to have you."
"Speaking of dinner," said Breeze. "I should probably go get some now myself. I'll see you on Monday, Ditzy."
"Bye Breeze!" the mare and her filly called as Breeze took to the air again. The male pegasus waved, before turning and rocketing off towards Cloudsdale.
"We should eat dinner too," Ditzy said to her daughter. "If you eat all your alfalfa like a good little filly, I'll bake you some muffins for dessert."
"Yay!" the little unicorn chirped in excitement. The two ponies trotted back into their cottage for the night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The weekend passed quickly, as weekends often do, and before Ditzy knew it, it was Monday morning again. The pegasus slowly opened her eyes and glanced at the clock on the bedside table.
"Oh no! I'm gonna be late!"
As quickly as she could, Ditzy washed up and brushed her mane, and then hurtled out the door as fast as her wings would carry her. Ten minutes later, she barged through the door of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, and collapsed on the floor in the lobby, panting hard. She was only there for a few seconds when the intercom crackled to life.
"Miss Ditzy Doo, I have an assignment for you. Please report to my office."
Looks like I made it just in time, Ditzy though, staggering to her feet and down the hall. She tapped on Candyfloss's door before letting herself in and falling into the chair.
"Good morning, miss Ditzy," the unicorn said. "Today, I'd like you to…"
He paused, noticing the pegasus's disheveled mane and fact that she was still panting. "Goodness, are you alright?"
"F…Fine," Ditzy panted. "I was just a little late… so I was hurrying to get here. I'm sorry."
"Don't let it worry you," Candyfloss replied. "Tardiness now and again is entirely excuseable."
He turned his attention to the papers on his desk. "Now, I've just received a call about a potential job I'd like you to handle. Apparently, you will find your client at the north end of the Ponyville outdoor marketplace, at the carrot vendor."
"The carrot vendor?" Ditzy asked. "Why, that's probably Carrot-Top! She's a good friend of mine!"
"Splendid," said Candyfloss with a calm smile. "Good luck with your assignment as always."
"Thank you sir!" Ditzy replied excitedly as she galloped out the door.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Carrot-top breathed deeply, enjoying the fresh smell of the morning air. The brightly colored Earth pony had just finished setting up her stand, and now she waited patiently for any customers willing to buy her home-grown carrots. The market was not very busy yet at this hour, but Carrot-top was content to just enjoy the early morning peace. Nothing could break her serenity today.
"Hey! Carrot-Top!"
Instantly, Carrot-top's pupils dilated in panic. Her body tensed as she turned toward the sky, catching sight of the shape plummeting toward her. With a cry of terror, the earth pony dove under her carrot cart, covering her head with her hooves and cowering in fear.
She caught sight of four legs belonging to a certain grey pegasus appearing next to the carrot cart. And a moment later, a pair of misaligned yellow eyes peered into the crawlspace.
"Uh… what're you doing, Carrot-top?" Ditzy asked.
Carrot-top crawled out from beneath the cart. "Just… taking precautions," she replied awkwardly. "I mean, your landings around here are usually a little… destructive."
"You're still mad about last month, aren't you?" Ditzy questioned.
Carrot-top twitched at the horrific memory. "I still have nightmares," she grumbled. "Can't you try to crash into a cart that sells something less dangerous next time? I mean, that one big cleaver landed about an inch from my neck!"
"Oh, it wasn't that bad," said Ditzy dismissively, waving away Carrot-top's complaint. "Anyway, I wanted to ask you…"
"No!" Carrot-top cried suddenly. "You can't borrow any more money! Or food!"
"It's not that," Ditzy answered. "In fact… here." She reached into her saddlebag and extracted the fifty bits Carrot-top had loaned her. The earth pony accepted the money incredulously.
"You're… paying me back?" she asked skeptically. "The eternally pressed-for-funds Ditzy Doo is paying me back?"
"I'm actually not too bad in terms of money right now." Ditzy said, eliciting another shocked look from the other mare. "I wasn't coming to ask you about money. I was coming to ask you if you contacted Equestria Speedy Shipping Services today. Have you?"
Carrot-top's look of surprise was even more extreme this time. "You… you…" she stuttered weakly. "You work for…"
Carrot-top couldn't finish her sentence; she wobbled dangerously and Ditzy moved to support her so she wouldn't collapse.
"I'm sorry," the woozy mare mumbled, running her forehoof nervously through her bright orange mane. "It's just… one surprise after another. You didn't destroy anything when you landed, you paid back your loan in full, and now you happen to work for Equestria Speedy Shipping Services? Who are you and what have you done with Ditzy Doo?"
Ditzy grinned. "Maybe I'm just getting my act together," she replied. "Now, tell me why you called for a shipper. Do you have your eye on somepony?"
"Well… yes," Carrot-top admitted. "I've been in the fruit and vegetable business for a long time now, and I think I'm falling for a certain business competitor."
"Which one?" Ditzy asked curiously, glancing around the market in an attempt to predict the object of Carrot-top's affections.
"Applejack?" Ditzy repeated. "But Carrot-top, our services are for discreetly matching up ponies, so that it seems like it happened by chance. But Applejack is a totally friendly and accepting pony, and she's very straightforward. I'm sure if you just went up to her and told her how you feel, she would probably give you a chance. Using the sneaky setup method just seems like it would overcomplicate things when dealing with her."
"That makes sense," Carrot-top replied. "And if I were any other pony, I would take that advice in a heartbeat. However, there's another problem stopping me from doing that."
"Another problem? What kind of problem?"
Carrot-top sighed. "It's the silly Ponyville produce feud. The Apple and Carrot families have been rivals for three generations, since we both sell produce in Ponyville. Apparently, Applejack's grandfather and my grandmother got into an argument about whose product was better, and ever since then, the Apple and Carrot families have been bitter enemies."
Ditzy scrunched up her nose in thought. "But, if the Apple and Carrot families hate each other, why don't you hate Applejack?"
"Because I'm not really part of the feud myself!" Carrot-top answered. "I only grow a few carrots in my personal garden; most of the ones I sell here come from the carrot farm my cousins run; all I do is sell them. My cousins are the ones who keep the feud going with the Apple family. And since Applejack does the farming as well as the selling, she's got plenty of reason to turn up her nose at the mention of anyone in the Carrot family."
"But don't you think if you just tell Applejack you want no part of this feud, she'll believe you?" Ditzy asked.
"Look, Applejack is loyal to her family to the point that she can be described as… just plain stubborn." Carrot-top said. "She grew up hearing nothing but bad things about the Carrot family, most of it probably lies, from her grandmother and older brother. And I've heard it isn't easy to change Applejack's opinion once she has her mind set to something."
Carrot-top turned to Ditzy imploringly. "I really respect Applejack, and I'd like to get to know her better, and find out if she returns my, um… interests. But that's impossible as long as the feud between our families still stands. And that's what I need you to do something about. Once Applejack doesn't hate me, then I'll try to make her like me."
Ditzy placed a hoof on her chin, pondering the situation. "Well, I can probably work something out," she mused. "Now, about the price…"
"Ah, this is kind of expensive, isn't it?" Carrot-top asked.
"Well, normal jobs go from one to two hundred bits," Ditzy replied. "And ending a feud that spans several generations probably qualifies it for extra costs…"
"Fine. I'll give you two-hundred fifty bits," Carrot-top answered. "But only if you put this stupid feud to rest once and for all!"
"Well alright then," Ditzy said. "Operation End-the-pony-produce-feud is now underway!" The pegasus spread her wings haphazardly, knocking a few loose carrots from the earth pony's stand. "I'll be back later!" she announced before launching herself into the air.
Carrot-top watched the goofy pegasus flutter out of sight. "Dear Celestia," she whispered. "I just left a delicate diplomatic operation in the hooves of Ditzy Doo. When this is all over, I'll be lucky if our little family rivalry hasn't escalated to an Equestria-wide war."
The concerned mare just sighed and bent down to pick up her scattered carrots.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The sun shined brightly on Sweet Apple Acres, and a certain farm pony reveled in the morning air. Applejack grunted in satisfaction as she watched another barrelful of apples fall from the tree, somehow all landing neatly in the container as usual. But her satisfied smile turned to a frown when she noticed one lone fruit still dangling from a branch. The earth pony bucked the tree again, harder, but the stubborn apple remained in place. Snorting, Applejack planted her front hooves firmly, and bucked the tree again and again with all her strength. Panting, she turned to check if she had succeeded. But the apple still hung there, taunting her.
"Consarn it!" the earth pony cried. "What's it gonna take to get you down from that tree?!"
Out of nowhere, a certain wayward pegasus pitched sideways in midair, snapping the branch and its offending apple from the tree before crashing into the ground and leaving a sizeable skid mark.
"That's one way to do it I s'pose," Applejack chuckled. "Y'alright there, sugarcube?"
"I fink tho…," Ditzy found it hard to speak, considering the entire stubborn apple had wound up rammed into her mouth upon landing. She pulled the fruit out of her mouth. "Do you want this back?"
Applejack cringed. "Y'all can keep that one on the house."
Ditzy shrugged and bit into the apple.
"So," Applejack started awkwardly, watching the oblivious pegasus enjoy her treat. "Any particular reason y'all dropped by?"
"Oh yeah!" said Ditzy, finally regaining the train of thought that had been derailed in her crash landing. "I wanted to buy some apples, but you weren't at the market today, so I came here!"
Applejack brightened. "Well, why didn't you say so, sugarcube? Come on over to the farmhouse and I'll get you a bushel or two."
The two ponies trotted through the hills toward Applejack's place of residence. "If you don't mind me askin'," Applejack began. "What do y'all need apples for? Gonna bake some of those famous apple cinnamon muffins of yours?"
"Yeah!" Ditzy replied. "I'm making a bunch of different muffins actually. Why just this morning I was at the market getting some fresh carrots from Carrot-top, and I…"
Ditzy stopped mid-sentence when she noticed Applejack had stopped walking. She turned to the earth pony curiously.
"Let me give you a bit of advice," said Applejack slowly. "Ain't nothing good comes from associating with Carrot-top, or any of the Carrot family, for that matter. Best y'all just stick with apples when you can."
"There's nothing wrong with Carrot-top!" said Ditzy defensively, realizing that her client's fears concerning Applejack's disposition were surprisingly accurate.
"The Carrot Family," said Applejack with a scowl, "Are a bunch of no-good, cheatin', lazy, stuck-up, mean-spirited…" Her chain of adjectives continued for a few moments, with longer gaps between each one.
"…I plum went an' forgot my point," Applejack deadpanned. "Point is, them Carrot ponies are bad news."
The mares had arrived at the farmhouse. Applejack opened the door and retrieved a bushel of apples in a sack. "There's yer' apples," she said icily. "Ya'll run along now." She moved to close the door.
"Wait!" Ditzy cried. "At least tell me why you don't like the Carrot family!"
Applejack's mood seemed to drop lower each time that name was mentioned. "Look here," she said through clenched teeth. "The Carrot family has been tryin' to steal all our business since my old Granny Smith was just a filly. They make for lots of produce and easy sales by growing acres of cheap, low quality carrots, undermining the true hard work we put in here at Sweet Apple Acres. Now I don't wanna talk about them no more, so you just mosey on along now."
Applejack closed the door, leaving Ditzy on the doorstep.
"Well, shoot," Ditzy mumbled. "I know that Carrot-top, at the very least, isn't any of those things. But how do I make Applejack believe me?"
"Well, I believe you," said a small voice.
Ditzy looked around and spotted a yellow filly peering around the corner of the farmhouse.
"Sorry for eavesdroppin'" the filly continued. "My name's Applebloom; Applejack is my big sis'."
"Hello Applebloom," said Ditzy pleasantly. "Did you say you believed me?"
"I did," said Applebloom. "I don't think miss Carrot-top is trouble. But, let's talk about that somewhere else; I don't want my big sis to overhear."
The mare and the filly walked slowly among the trees of Sweet Apple Acres, talking as they did so.
"I don' believe a thing about this whole feud," said Applebloom. "I expect the Carrot family is actually real nice, hardworkin' ponies like the Apple family. An' I tried one of miss Carrot-Top's carrots at the market once, and I thought it was delicious."
"Carrot-top is a friend of mine," said Ditzy. "And she doesn't want this feud to go on any longer. I want to end it, but I need to find a way to convince your sister."
"I wish I could help," Applebloom mumbled. "But bringin' diplomacy ain't my special talent." Suddenly, the earth filly's head shot up, her eyes wide as an idea formed. "Or… maybe it is my special talent! Or at least Sweetie Belle's or Scootaloo's!"
Much to Ditzy's surprise, Sweetie Belle and Scootlaoo appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. "Did I hear our names just now?" Scootaloo asked Applebloom.
"Yeah!" cried Applebloom excitedly. "Girls, today we're gonna' try somethin' new! We're gonna' end the feud between the Apple and Carrot families! And if we can make everypony friendly towards each other again, we'll be gettin' our Cutie Marks for sure!"
"Cutie Mark Crusader Diplomats! Yay!!" the three fillies cried.
"Woah, wait," said Ditzy quickly, feeling a growing sense of dread at the developing situation. "I'm not sure you three should…"
"Meet us at our clubhouse, Miss Ditzy!" Applebloom said. "We'll be formulatin' our plans there! C'mon girls!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders took off into the trees, leaving Ditzy standing alone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ditzy was finally able to locate the clubhouse by the sound of the Crusaders' excited squeals. At last, tired and covered in grime from her wanderings through Sweet Apple Acres, she trudged up the ramp into the pastel-colored building.
"There you are!" Applebloom said as Ditzy entered the small room. "What took you so long? We already came up with a bunch of ideas!"
"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle chimed in. "Then again, some of them might not work if we can't find a Mariachi Band…"
"Um…" Ditzy said, trying her best to ignore Sweetie's unusual comment. "Maybe we just need to demonstrate to Applejack that Carrot-top isn't that bad."
"But how do we do that?" Scootaloo asked.
"That's what I've been trying to figure out all day!" Ditzy moaned. "But I just haven't had any… wait… I just had a crazy idea!"
Struck by sudden and somewhat bizarre inspiration, the pegasus beckoned for the others to lean in close, and explained her secret new plan in a whisper. When she finished, the Crusaders were grinning ear to ear. "That could actually work," Applebloom said with excitement. "Let's do it!"
The Crusaders and their pegasus friend sped out of the treehouse to enact their plans.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ An hour or so later, Carrot-top watched from a distance as Applejack arrived at the market, pulling a large cart full of apples behind her. She set up her merchandise in the baskets at her stand. Ditzy Doo was nowhere in sight, and Carrot-top began to wonder if the absentminded mare had entirely forgotten about her assignment.
"Psst! Carrot-top!"
Carrot-top turned around and suddenly found herself nose to nose with Ditzy. "I'm working on your request," Ditzy said quietly. "In a few minutes, two fillies are going to come by and ask to help you sell carrots. It's all part of our setup; just play along."
"O-okay," Carrot-top stuttered, watching Ditzy disappear into an alleyway again.
Sure enough, the mare soon spotted Sweetie-Belle and Scootaloo wandering toward her stand. Carrot-top was still unsure if it was smart to play along with any plan that involved Ditzy Doo, but she decided to give the grey mare the benefit of the doubt, more out of curiosity than anything else.
"Hi!" said Sweetie Belle cheerfully as she and Scootaloo arrived at the carrot stand. "Miss Carrot-top, do you think we can help you run the stand today? We're trying to earn our… um… mercenary Cutie Marks!"
Scootaloo laughed nervously and gave Sweetie Belle a nudge. "She means merchant, not mercenary," the orange pegasus corrected.
"Now who's the dictionary?" Sweetie Belle responded with a mischievous grin, eliciting a glare from Scootaloo.
Carrot-top tried to laugh, but her giggle came out even more nervous than Scootaloo's. "Sure, I… guess there's no harm in letting you help with my stand."
"Yay!" the fillies cheered, darting behind the cart to help their new temporary employer.
The next few minutes went well; Sweetie-Belle and Scootaloo actually did what Carrot-top told them (much to her relief), but the mare still couldn't understand how these new junior helpers would lead her to the end of the feud with the Apple family.
Ditzy, on the other hoof, knew exactly what to do next. "Okay, Applebloom," she whispered to the filly hiding in the shadows with her. "You know what to do."
Applebloom nodded, and proceeded to wander as nonchalantly as possible into the wide plaza.
"Hey Applebloom!" Scootaloo called from the carrot stand, doing an excellent job of pretending that she hadn't expected to see her friend there. "Wanna buy a carrot?"
"Uh, I don't know," said Applebloom. "My big sis' isn't real fond of carrots. I'm not sure I should."
"Oh, come on," Scootaloo coaxed. "Just one couldn't hurt."
"Alright, fine," Applebloom responded. "She handed a few bits to Scootaloo, who in turn gave them to Carrot-top, and Sweetie Belle tossed a carrot to Applebloom in return.
Applebloom bit into the vegetable, and her eyes lit up in surprise. "Why, that's delicious!" she complimented.
"Why thank you," said Carrot-top, shocked to have received praise from any member of the Apple family. Perhaps Ditzy had been up to something useful today after all.
Continuing with the plan, Applebloom wandered across the market, coming to linger near her sister's apple stand, and taking care to keep the carrot she was eating in plain view. It took only seconds for the desired effect to occur.
"Applebloom!"
The filly turned to look at her angry sister, the carrot still dangling from her mouth. "Yeah, sis?"
"Are you eatin' a carrot?" asked Applejack, indignation clearly recognizable in her voice.
"Yeah," said Applebloom. "Just one carrot once in a while can't hurt, right?"
"Wrong," said Applejack. "What are you thinking buying from the Carrot family? Don't you know we're competin' against them? If we want enough money to keep running the farm, we gotta get more sales then them. Now spit that dang thing out an' I'll throw it on the compost heap."
Applebloom reluctantly parted with her half eaten carrot, and then trotted off the the peripheral streets surrounding the market once again.
"It didn't work," she called once she located Ditzy.
"I know," Ditzy called back. "I guess it's time for the next phase. Go give the warning signal to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
Applebloom cantered off once again, leaving Ditzy alone.
This is going to be really risky, Ditzy thought to herself. Even if this goes exactly as planned, it's going to be a mess. If anything goes wrong, not only will I fail the mission, but I'll lose any fragment of trust Carrot-top still has in me.
The mare gulped nervously and ascended to sit on a roof overlooking the market. Once perched there, she took a pen, a piece of paper, and a protractor from her saddlebags. A few simple physics calculations later, she had determined the trajectory and velocity she would need for what she was about to do. She waved down to Applebloom, who moved to the shelter of a nearby overhang, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo in tow. Carrot-top, as well as all the other ponies at the market, remained oblivious to the fact that anything was about to happen.
Ditzy took to the air, flying high above Ponyville. She stared down, struggling to focus her poor vision of the tiny rectangle that was the carrot cart. I need to do this with absolute precision, and still make it look like an accident, she thought to herself. Here goes nothing…
The mare folded her wings and dove downwards with incredible speed. The small market quickly grew much larger as Ditzy raced toward the ground.
"Mayday! Mayday!" Ditzy cried, pretending she was out of control once again. "We're going down!"
Carrot-top didn't even have time to prepare herself; she could only watch in horror as the destruction unfolded. There was a resounding crash as the plummeting pegasus crashed into the carrot cart like a meteor, sending the entire wooden structure hurtling into the air. All eyes in the market took immediate notice as the stand flew through the air, raining loose carrots down on the merchants and shoppers.
Applejack cried out and jumped backwards just in time as the flying vendor crashed into the apple stand, utterly obliterating them both and leaving a chaotic pile of apples, carrots, tattered fabric, and splintered wood.
After a moment, the noise ended and the dust settled. Ditzy managed to yank herself out of the ten foot skid mark she had left in the dirt, to find all eyes in the market staring at her.
"Heh… sorry everypony," Ditzy said apologetically.
After a few moments of awkward silence, most of the stands that weren't affected by the crash returned to their daily business. Ditzy looked behind her to where Carrot-top was standing.
The mare hadn't moved an inch since the moment Ditzy collided with the cart. She simply stood unblinking, mouth agape, staring into space in the direction she had been looking when her cart was decimated. Ditzy trotted over to see if she was okay.
"Carrot-top? Um… Hello?"
Ditzy waved her hoof in front of the other mare's face, eliciting no response whatsoever.
"Um…" Ditzy wondered what to do next when she heard hoofsteps behind her.
"Alright Carrot-top," came an accented voice. "We need to talk."
Applejack's arrival managed to snap Carrot-top out of her shocked paralysis. She turned to find the orange earth pony glowering at her.
"Yes, Applejack?" she asked weakly.
"Look, I don' like you, and you don' like me, but we gotta clean up this mess."
Carrot-top finally seemed to become aware of what had happened after her stand was annihilated. "Oh, yes… yes we should."
The two mares trotted over to the pile of rubble that was all that remained of their two stands. Ditzy followed along at a distance.
"Sheesh," Applejack said, looking over the mess again. "It's gonna take all day to separate all this. Guess we're both done selling for today."
"But you can't be done already!"
The mares turned to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Miss Carrot-top hired us as apprentices today," Sweetie Belle said. "But we hardly got to do anything."
"Sorry girls," Carrot-top said. "But we can't exactly keep working like this."
"Sure we can!" Applebloom piped up. "We just need to set up an apple and carrot stand for today! That way I can work with you, sis, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo at the same time!"
"Oh, no," Applejack said in a warning tone. "There ain't no way I'm working with a Carrot pony!"
At this moment, Carrot-top finally made the connection; she understood the meaning behind Ditzy's actions and knew that the next move was hers.
"Now Applejack," Carrot-top said, keeping her tone as businesslike as possible. "I know we have our differences, but don't you think it would be in the best monetary interests of both of us to, you know, form an alliance… only because of the current circumstances, of course."
"Yeah, right," Applejack responded. "You'll probably sabotage my merchandise, or steal my share of the profit, or…"
"No she won't, sis!" Applebloom interrupted. "Me an' the girls will keep an eye on both of you, to make sure nopony's cheatin' nopony."
"Yeah!" Scootaloo agreed. "When a pony comes asking for an apple, sell them an apple. If they want a carrot, sell them a carrot. No arguing, no persuasion, no tricks, just fruit and vegetables."
Applejack looked defeated. "Well… alright," she said finally. "But if I catch you steppin' out of line even once, Carrot-top, I swear I'm gonna…"
"No need for threats, now," said Carrot-top. "You have my word; we do completely honest business, and that's that."
The two ponies overturned the cart Applejack had used to carry her apples to the market and used it as a makeshift display stand, and the Crusaders assumed their "guard" positions. The two ponies, begrudgingly in Applejack's case and much less so in Carrot-top's, began to sell their produce again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The sun was setting; it had been a long and busy day at the Ponyville market. News of Ditzy's crash had brought a large number of curious ponies to the market that afternoon, most of which had wound up purchasing apples, carrots, or both. Both Applejack and Carrot-top made a bigger daily profit then either of them had in a long time.
"Well, I'll be," Applejack commented when it finally came time to pack up for the day. "A whole day, and not one trick from the Carrot pony."
"I told you, I've never done dishonest business," Carrot-top replied. "Heck, I don't even want to be part of this crazy feud between our families. I'll admit apples are just as important as carrots."
"You know," said Applejack slowly. "If you'd said that to me yesterday, I'd have laughed in yer' face and accused you of treachery. But after how well everything went today, I'm starting to think you might be tellin' the truth."
"I am!" Carrot-top insisted. "This feud is way older than me or you. It was probably fought over something stupid in the first place. Don't you think we can just end it and behave like decent ponies for once?"
Applejack was quiet for a long moment. "Well," she said finally. "If you tell them cousins of yours to stop it, then I'll let the rest of the Apple family know."
"It's a deal," Carrot-top said. She held out her hoof. "Truce?"
Applejack took her hoof and shook it firmly. "Truce."
The two ponies finished loading the unsold produce into their bags. "It's crazy," Applejack commented. "If that goofy pegasus hadn't caused all this damage, we'd still be bitter enemies right now."
Carrot-top, who had slowly been processing this very fact all day long, said nothing.
"Applejack," Carrot-top said finally. "Now that we're friends and all, how about we get dinner, and talk about an alliance. Maybe a business partnership?"
"Might not be a bad idea," Applejack commented, rubbing her chin in thought. "I'll meet you at the restaurant on Mane Street after I drop of the apples at home."
"See you then," Carrot-top responded, before the ponies went their separate ways.
No sooner had Carrot-top left the market when she spotted a familiar shape dropping out of the sky once again. She ducked for cover, but Ditzy alighted easily this time.
"Well?" Ditzy asked. "What did you think?"
Carrot-top gave Ditzy an inscrutable look. Ditzy couldn't tell if she was about to be praised, or yelled at.
"Ditzy…" Carrot-top said. "You… are a genius. You're positively, undeniably insane, but you're a genius."
"I can live with that," Ditzy chuckled. "Can you take it from here?"
"I have more-or-less a dinner date with Applejack," Carrot-top replied. "We might wind up going into business together, and I'm sure if we do that, a relationship can easily evolve from there."
"Great!" the pegasus replied. "Now, two-hundred bits, please."
"I thought I owed you two-hundred fifty?" Carrot-top answered in confusion.
"Yeah," said Ditzy. "But I destroyed your stand, so I think I can offer you a discount."
Carrot-top smiled. "You're crazy, you know that? You even got those fillies in on your game."
Ditzy shrugged. "Hey, whatever works!"
Carrot-top handed over the money to Ditzy. "Right, then!" the grey mare announced. "See you around, Carrot-top!"
"Wait," the yellow mare said quickly as Ditzy spread her wings.
"Yes?"
Carrot-top grinned darkly. "Remind me never to ask you for help again."
The two friends laughed loudly as Ditzy took to the skies, sailing home by the light of the setting sun.
"And… checkmate." Cloudcover declared, effectively trapping Breeze's king and ending the chess game. Breeze scrutinized the board for several seconds before sighing and sweeping the remaining pieces of the board with a hoof.
"That's the fourth game in a row you've won," the red pony grumbled indignantly.
Cloudcover grinned. "I've always been somewhat of a whiz at this game. Better luck next time, mate. Shall we set up again?"
"Nah," Breeze replied. "We've been at it all day," he glanced at the clock. "Literally. It must be a slow day for shipping in Equestria."
"Did anyone get assigned a job at all today?" Cloudcover asked.
"Yeah," said Breeze. "Haven't you noticed that we haven't seen Ditzy in a couple hours?"
"Ah, right," said the white pegasus, scanning the room to confirm that the mare was not present. "Sorry, it's hard to concentrate with those two always yelling."
He pointed the other side of the lounge area where, as usual, Watt and Glow were engaged in an argument, or maybe just plain conversation; When those two were involved, it was impossible to make that distinction.
"Watt, I told you, I don't care how many volts of electricity you got shocked with last week."
"Aw, come on, Cosmo! You never let me tell you stories about my electrician job!"
"That's because most of them are rather unsettling. And will you stop calling me Cosmo already!?"
Breeze shook his head. "Try to tune them out. It usually works for me."
Cloudcover was about to respond when the door to the lounge opened, and Ditzy walked in.
"Hey Ditzy!" said Breeze cheerfully.
"Hi…" the grey pegasus replied in a subdued tone.
It was easy to tell that something was not right. Ditzy slunk into the room, her eyes trained on the floor. She eventually flopped down on the couch, staring out the window listlessly.
"Well, somepony's upset," Breeze said as he trotted up next to the other pegasus. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
Ditzy sighed. "I… I failed my assignment today, Breeze."
"Oh." Breeze said. "Was this the first time that's happened?"
"Yeah," Ditzy sniffed, not looking at the other pony.
"Ditzy, you've been working here for a month. You failed one, and only one, out of about twenty assignments. Most of us fail one in every four or five. Your record is still spectacular!"
"I'm not worried about my record!" Ditzy said suddenly, with a bit more energy in her voice. "I'm upset that, thanks to me, the pony I was helping today won't be able to go out with the mare he likes." She finally turned to look at Breeze; her big, usually joyful eyes showed signs that she had been crying. "I've finally come to realize the hardest part of this job. How can I live with myself now that I know I've let another pony down?"
Breeze thought about it for a moment, but he wasn't sure how to answer. He opened his mouth to respond, if only to say some clichéd comforting statement, but he never got the chance; another voice spoke out first.
"So, the rookie's little beginner's luck streak is finally over, huh?"
Ditzy and Breeze both looked at Glow, who had decided to acknowledge Ditzy's presence; this only occurred when she had something insulting or otherwise demeaning to say to the pegasus.
Ditzy narrowed her eyes and glared at the unicorn. "I don't need your input, Glow."
"Aww, little Ditzy is grumpy," Glow cooed mockingly. "You're looking a little upset there. What's wrong, can't handle it when things don't go how you planned?"
"I said be quiet," said Ditzy a little more loudly, though her sadness was still apparent through the veil of anger.
"Of course," said Glow in her sarcastic tone. "But first, I just thought it would be courteous of me to answer your question. You know, a pro offering a rookie a little piece of advice."
"My question?"
"Yes, you just asked Breeze how you can handle failing an assignment," Glow continued. "And the answer is pretty simple really. Just stop caring so much about your client. Your job is to do what they ask you, so you get paid. When you fail, you don't get paid, and that's all the incentive you need. If you actually concern yourself with the client's well-being, you're just going to be a mess when you fail."
Ditzy snorted. "That's not true. The clients are ponies like you and me. We change lives with what we do; a lot of times, we set up a lifelong partnership between two ponies. How can you work at a job like that without any emotion toward your client?"
"Because that's the most effective way to get things done," Glow said in a matter-of-fact tone. "But you aren't cut out for this job, Ditzy. You're way too emotional; those kinds of ponies can't make it in this line of work."
"Glow, shut up," said Breeze firmly, noticing Ditzy's increasingly horrified and despairing expression.
"Oho," Glow grinned darkly. "Coming to your marefriend's defense now, are we Breeze?"
Breeze's red fur managed to hide any resulting blush, but he still flinched at Glow's accusation. Ditzy blinked in surprise as well.
"She…" Breeze stuttered. "…She's not my marefriend! I just try to be courteous to our newest team member, unlike you!"
"Oh, right Breeze. Give me a break. It's perfectly obvious that you're head-over-hooves for our walleyed little friend there."
Breeze snarled. "No one asked you, you irritating little…"
"Ahem."
The cough was soft, almost inaudible, but it caught the attention of all five ponies immediately, and all heads turned to see a certain wispy white unicorn standing calmly in the doorway.
"Uh… good afternoon, Candyfloss," said Breeze awkwardly.
"Sorry, what was that?" Candyfloss asked in an expectant tone.
Breeze groaned. "Good afternoon, Doctor Candyfloss…"
"Good Afternoon," the unicorn replied with a small, mischievous smile. "I would like the five of you to gather around the table, please. It's time for our monthly staff meeting."
The unicorn trotted toward the table, leaving the other five ponies wallowing in the awkward silence following their interrupted argument. After a moment, Ditzy rose from the sofa and fluttered to the table, and the other employees followed.
Candyfloss sat for a moment, using magic to organize the papers he had brought along. This left the others to wonder aboutt how much of the previous fiasco their boss had heard; was it really possible that he had missed the whole thing? Or was he simply pretending that he had?
"Okay!" the magenta-maned unicorn announced suddenly. "So, monthly news. Our newest employee arrived the day after our last staff meeting, so I assume you've all had time to get acquainted with her since then." He turned to the pegasus in question. "I know this is late, but welcome once again, Ditzy Doo."
Ditzy just smiled sheepishly.
"Let's see, what else…" he continued. "Ah, it appears Glow has reached an astonishing one-hundred-fifty successful ships! Let's applaud Glow as she continues to push the record higher!"
Glow held up her head arrogantly, and received a very halfhearted round of applause from the other employees.
Candyfloss brought up a few more uninteresting points concerning the last month, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the air. After a few more awkward minutes, he reached the bottom of his list.
"Alright, that concludes the news," the unicorn said quietly. "Are there any issues you all would like to discuss before we conclude the meeting?"
No one looked directly at Candyfloss. Breeze coughed quietly.
"Very well," said Candyfloss, smiling his usual mysterious smile. "The work day is over; I'll see you all tomorrow."
Gratefully, the five ponies rose from the table to leave for the day. Glow was the first to exit, with Watt following behind and attempting to start another pointless conversation with the unicorn. Ditzy was at the back of the line.
"Oh, Ditzy," said Candyfloss suddenly, just before the mare passed through the doorway.
"Yes, sir?" the grey pegasus asked hesitantly.
"Could you come to my office for just a moment before you leave?" the unicorn asked calmly.
Ditzy gulped. "Yes, sir."
Candyfloss nodded and proceeded down the stairs. Ditzy followed him into his office and sat down. Candyfloss didn't look angry, but then again, the unicorn's expression was never very indicative of what he was thinking. Ditzy waited uncomfortably as he stared at her for a few moments.
"I just wanted to ask you…" he said slowly. "…if you have any… specific concerns about your job, now that you've had a chance to experience a variety of situations."
Ditzy suspected Candyfloss had overheard everything that happened prior to the staff meeting. He was now prompting her to ask the same question she had tried to ask Breeze.
"Well," Ditzy started, shifting uncomfortably under her boss's gaze. "I failed a mission for the first time today. Now the pony I was trying to help won't be able to date the mare of his dreams. How… how can I continue while knowing that I wasn't able to help?"
Candyfloss took a very slow, deep breath. "Ditzy, I'd like to tell you a little story, if you can spare the time to listen."
"I have a few minutes," Ditzy replied.
Candyfloss leaned forward a bit. "Good, I haven't had a chance to tell anyone this in ages. You see, Ditzy, when I started this company a few years ago, it almost collapsed shortly after opening. Do you know why?"
"Um… poor advertising?" Ditzy guessed.
Candyfloss chuckled. "No. It was because as soon as I hired my first employees, I witnessed something I had never been exposed to before. I saw potential couples fail, despite the work of my shippers. And it didn't take long for me to wind up feeling a bit like you are now."
"Then… why didn't you close the company?" Ditzy asked.
"Because, just as I was about to do so, I received a letter from a client… a client whose request our shippers were unable to grant. In the letter, she expressed her happiness that our employee had failed, as she had learned a terrible truth about the stallion she had been infatuated with. Her life would, in fact, have gotten infinitely worse in a big hurry had we succeeded in shipping her with him."
"So you got lucky once," said Ditzy. "But that doesn't mean all failed jobs are a good thing."
"At first, you would think so," continued Candyfloss. "But you see, Ditzy, this little incident allowed me to compare myself to the rest of my employees. I am the only pony among us whose special talent is matchmaking; ponies like you, while quite capable of working in this job, would be at a disadvantage when compared to me, right?"
"Right," Ditzy agreed.
"Wrong!" Candyfloss cried, in the loudest voice Ditzy had ever heard the normally soft-spoken unicorn use. "Being born to be a matchmaker is both a blessing and a curse. You see, I have an innate, magical sense, that tells me when two ponies are meant to be together. The problem is, I cannot control when it arrives, or who it points to. Sometimes, ponies I don't even know are involved. But there are so many ponies out there who are meant to be together, who are living so very different lives that my powers cannot detect them. So, while I have matched many ponies myself, so very many more have developed a love for another pony that I cannot detect. This is natural; love is an ancient and powerful force that far exceeds the talents of any one pony."
"So… you hire shippers, to help with the rest," Ditzy responded.
"Yes, I hire shippers, who act only upon request of a love struck pony, as opposed to the unsolicited help that I provide." Candyfloss answered.
"But that still doesn't solve the problem!" Ditzy yelled in exasperation. "The shippers… the ponies whose special talent is not matchmaking… can't decide for certain if a couple is meant to be like you can! So how can we know if a failure, or even a success, is a good thing, or a bad thing?"
"That," said Candyfloss, "Is what I aimed to discover. And I believe I found the answer."
He leaned still closer to his pegasus employee. "I believe that the magic that I possess, and that other ponies will this talent also control, is not confined to us select few. I believe… that Equestria itself is imbued with this same magic, and it channels itself through those it finds fit to wield its power."
"Huh?" Ditzy asked. "Sorry, but I have no idea what you mean."
"Let me rephrase," Candyfloss said. "This magic, that allows for good matches to be made, and bad ones to be rejected, can, and often is, wielded by ponies who do not possess a matchmaking Cutie Mark. But this only works if the pony is seriously, sincerely trying to create a bond between two others. If it is meant to be, it will be, and if it is not, it will not. Either outcome will ultimately be best for the ponies involved in the matchup."
"So… you're saying that it's impossible for us to create a bad match?" Ditzy asked.
"Almost," said Candyfloss. "But it is possible for other ponies to choose the wrong partner. So, herein lies the value of a Shipping Service; assuming the job is done right, you effectively 'test' the other pony's choice for them. If you fail, it means that pony chose a partner poorly, and now they are prevented from acting on that poor choice. So in the grand scheme of things, you've helped them just as much as if you had matched them with the pony they were meant to be with."
Ditzy was stunned. "Is all this really true?"
"Well, it's my personal theory," Candyfloss said. "But it's yet to be proven wrong."
"Awesome!" the pegasus replied, leaping into the air. "So, what happened today was meant to happen anyway."
"Probably," said Candyfloss. "But remember, Ditzy, you are not infallible. It's still possible to perform an assignment so poorly that even the innate magic cannot help you, but I believe you think your assignments through well enough to avoid that. More importantly, you cannot be certain that the magic has worked if you withhold any effort or lack any sincerity about the work you do. If you stick to these principles, then it is far more likely that failure to create a couple can be blamed on the fact that they were not meant to be together, rather then on your own ineptitude."
Candyfloss glanced at his clock. "Goodness, it's getting late! Run on home now, miss Ditzy. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thank you sir!" Ditzy called gratefully as she flew down the hallway and out of the building. Candyfloss gathered his things, and left for the day as well.
There was silence in the halls of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services for a few more minutes. Then the silence was broken by the faint hum of an invisibility spell wearing off, revealing a certain blue unicorn.
"What a load of horseapples!" Glow said to no one in particular. "I bet Ditzy totally buys that little story of Candyfloss's, too." She smiled deviously to herself. "I bet, if I wait 'till the time is right, I can make good use of that little fable; it's just another weapon for me to use against her later. I'm gonna' make that dopey pegasus regret joining this company, one way or another!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The next morning, Ditzy Doo found herself on another early morning assignment. The pegasus flew contently along, feeling renewed in her devotion to her job after her talk with Candyfloss the day before.
Today, the main thought occupying Ditzy's mind was the address to which she had been sent. It was an easy address to remember; it was located on Everfree Lane, the street in Ponyville that passed closest to the Everfree forest. There was only one home on the street, and it belonged to a pony that, now that Ditzy thought about it, seemed a likely candidate to need a shipping service to help her in a relationship.
The house soon came into view; a quaint cottage next to a bubbling stream, surrounded by a plethora of underground dens, birds' nests, feeders, animal pens, and dozens of other signs that indicated the presence of Ponyville's resident animal expert.
After she landed (in the stream, unfortunately) Ditzy shook herself off and trotted up to the door, rapping on it a few times with her hoof.
There was silence for a few moments, and then the door creaked open a crack. A pair of bright teal eyes stared out for a second.
"Fluttershy?" asked Ditzy hesitantly. "That you?"
The door opened the rest of the way, revealing the aforementioned yellow pegasus. "Yes, and, um… good morning." Said Fluttershy. "Are you here to deliver mail already?"
"No," said Ditzy. "I'm here from Equestria Speedy Shipping Services."
"Oh!" Fluttershy squeaked. "Goodness, that was fast. I hope I didn't call too early… I thought they would wait until later. I'm so sorry for bothering you at such an early hour…"
"Shush," said Ditzy. "I was already at work anyway. I needed something to do."
"Oh, well… okay," Fluttershy mumbled. "Um… won't you come in? Can I offer you some breakfast?"
In truth, Ditzy hadn't had time to eat that morning. She accepted Fluttershy's offer, and soon found herself seated at the table, watching Fluttershy whip up a large batch of oatmeal.
"So, Fluttershy," Ditzy asked. "What kind of job did you have in mind when you called this morning?"
"Oh, um…" Fluttershy stuttered. "Well, I, uh… I'm not sure if I should actually, um, go through with it, until I've given it a little more thought and, um, time…"
Typical Fluttershy. Hesitant and wishy-washy as always.
"No, Fluttershy," Ditzy said firmly as Fluttershy placed a steaming bowl of oatmeal in front of her. "You can't back down now; I know you called us for a reason. I understand you're worried about making a move, but I can help. You just need to tell me who it is you're interested in."
Fluttershy hid the majority of her face behind her mane and thought about what to do. Ditzy waited patiently for the shy mare to work up the courage to speak. In the meantime, she helped herself to the oatmeal, which was exquisite, at least as far as oatmeal goes.
"I… it's… um…," Fluttershy mumbled something.
"Beg your pardon? Ditzy asked, putting a hoof to her ear expectantly.
"I said it's… it's…"
"Who?"
"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy screamed, practically knocking Ditzy out of her chair with the yell. The timid pegasus immediately covered her mouth with both hooves, blushing madly.
"Sorry… I'm just... I'm really nervous."
"I can tell," Ditzy replied, patting down her mane to the style it was in before Fluttershy had blown in back. "But at least I know who we're dealing with now."
Fluttershy sighed. "Rainbow Dash and I have been friends for years; I've known her longer than any of my other friends. And lately, I've started having some feelings for her, but we're just so… so different."
Ditzy just nodded, since her mouth was again full of oatmeal.
"Rainbow Dash treats me like a friend," Fluttershy continued. "But it seems like she's only really interested in her stunts and her training. She'll probably fall in love with another amazingly talented pegasus like her, not a quiet, timid pony like me."
"You never know, though," said Ditzy. "I think we should go find Rainbow Dash now; I'll talk to her a little bit and see if I can find a way to make her like you."
"But won't she wonder what we're up to if we just start interrogating her?" Fluttershy asked.
"We'll just pretend the two of us are going shopping," Ditzy said, "And start a casual conversation on the way by."
Ditzy had used the 'going shopping' excuse for a number of assignments now; it was a good way to prevent the target pony from realizing that she and the client were in cahoots.
Fluttershy shrugged. "Okay, I guess that will work," she said. "But… I still don't know if you'll find out anything about her that will help."
"Well, we have to start somewhere," Ditzy said, finishing off the bowl of oatmeal. "Let's go!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Fluttershy and Ditzy flew into Cloudsdale, where Rainbow Dash was likely to be at this time of day. It didn't take long to find the multicolored pegasus, pushing together a group of rainclouds for a scheduled downpour at a nearby town.
Rainbow noticed as the other two pegasi approached. "Hi Fluttershy. Hi Ditzy. How are you?"
"We're going shopping, why do you ask!?" said Fluttershy way too loudly.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. Ditzy just facehoofed.
"I mean…" said Fluttershy, finally realizing she had answered the wrong question, "…I'm fine. How are you, Rainbow Dash?"
"Can't complain," Rainbow Dash replied, chalking up Fluttershy's unusual behavior as another result of the yellow pegasus's frayed nerves. "But I'm really excited for later today! Do you know why?"
"Umm… no?" Fluttershy squeaked.
"The Wonderbolts are coming!" Rainbow cried. "This afternoon, they'll be signing autographs in front of Cloudsdale stadium! I hope they remember me!"
"Oh," said Fluttershy. "That's… um… nice."
"Heck yeah it's nice!" Rainbow responded. "Listen ladies, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to get the weather done in time for this afternoon! See ya!"
Rainbow turned and hauled the amalgamation of storm clouds off into the distance.
"Well, that didn't last long," Fluttershy said sadly. "But you can see what I mean, right? Rainbow Dash would probably rather be with the Wonderbolts then with me."
Ditzy didn't respond.
"Um, hello?" Fluttershy asked nervously, waving a hoof in front of Ditzy's face.
But the grey mare didn't respond. Somewhere, in the depths of her brain, another crazy plan was suddenly piecing itself together.
Fluttershy was just about to give up and go look for a pony with medical expertise, when Ditzy snapped out of her trance, and grinned at Fluttershy.
"I think I know just how we can get Rainbow to like you, Fluttershy…"
Fluttershy was unnerved by the sly look on Ditzy's face. "Is that… a good thing?"
"Go back to your cottage for now," said Ditzy, ignoring the question. "I'll meet you there a little later and we'll continue. I've got something to take care of first."
Fluttershy whimpered, unsure of precisely what she was getting herself into, but she turned and flew away, leaving Ditzy to begin her new plan.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Fillies and Gentlecotls, and ponies of all ages! May I present to you… the Wonderbolts!"
The huge crowd of pegasi cheered wildly as the famous flying team appeared, creating complex patterns in midair with their smoke trails, before finally coming to stand by the long table set up in front of the stadium. Rainbow Dash was one of the very first ponies in line, eager to talk to her heroes again, and get a few signed photographs. A certain grey pegasus was also there, a few ponies behind.
"Well, if it isn't our biggest fan!" Spitfire, the Wonderbolts leader, commented as Rainbow Dash approached. "How have you been, Rainbow Dash?"
"I've been great!" Rainbow announced. "I've been training hard, just like always!"
"Good to hear," the Wonderbolt replied. "Don't forget, Ponyville's round of new recruit tryouts are in just a few months."
"Wouldn't miss 'em for the world!" Rainbow replied.
Spitfire smiled. "I really like your spirit, Dash. I hope you manage to make the team one day."
Dash giggled giddily as Spitfire signed a photograph and passed it to her.
"Thanks, Spitfire! See you around!"
Spitfire waved as Dash clutched the photo tightly, and darted off to meet the other Wonderbolts.
Spitfire watched her for a few moments, and then turned to greet the next pony in line.
"Well, would you look at this! It's Ditzy Doo! How's my old roommate from flight school doing today?"
Ditzy grinned. "Not bad, Spitfire. And you?"
"Same old, same old," Spitfire laughed. "The life of a celebrity. Fun, but predictable."
The two long-time friends laughed, but then Ditzy's expression became more serious. "Listen, Spitfire. Remember that favor you owe me? I've come to collect it. I need you to lend me something."
Spitfire's grin diminished. "Uh, sure. What do you need?"
"Two Wonderbolts costumes. Both for mares."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "We're going to what?!"
Fluttershy stood, quaking, staring down apprehensively at the bright blue garment like it was a venomous snake.
"You heard me," Ditzy said. "You and I are going to pretend we're new Wonderbolts, get Dash to totally adore you, and then reveal who you really are. That will make her see how cool you can really be!"
"But… I can't be cool," Fluttershy deadpanned. "I mean… I'm not good at doing aerial stunts or anything…"
"It doesn't really matter," said Ditzy. "I'm pretty sure Dash will be too excited about hanging out with a Wonderbolt to even notice if you're not up to the standards of the rest of them."
"But… but…" Fluttershy stammered, fumbling for another excuse. "But my mane! She'll recognize that even if I'm wearing the disguise."
Ditzy hurled a bottle of temporary mane-dye in Fluttershy's direction. The timid pony groaned, but gave in and went into the bathroom to apply it.
"Now I look like the Great and Powerful Trixie," the yellow pegasus grumbled when she emerged, toying disapprovingly with her now blue-white mane and tail. Ditzy just laughed as she trotted in and applied the bright green dye she had purchased for herself.
Ditzy exited the bathroom to find Fluttershy finally decked out in the borrowed uniform. It was very convincing; Ditzy wouldn't have recognized Fluttershy at all if she hadn't been aware of her identity ahead of time.
"That just leaves one more thing to address," Ditzy continued as she donned the other Wonderbolts uniform. "Your voice. We need to disguise it."
"Oh, that's easy," said Fluttershy. "I… um… took voice lessons. I seem to have a natural talent for impressions."
"Really?" Ditzy asked. "You? With that little voice of yours? Show me."
"Hi, I'm Ditzy Doo, and I like muffins!" Fluttershy announced, perfectly mirroring Ditzy's voice in every aspect. Hearing another pony speak in her own voice caused Ditzy to collapse with laughter. Fluttershy giggled as well.
"Great, great!" Ditzy said as she hiccupped away the last of her chuckles. "Now see if you can fabricate a good Wonderbolt voice. Maybe like Spitfire's, but a little higher."
"Like this?" asked Fluttershy in a new voice.
"Perfect!" Ditzy remarked. "Your identity is completely concealed. Let's go!"
"But… But I'm not sure if I'm… um…"
"Oh, just come on!" Ditzy grumbled, yanking the cautious pony out the door.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Two "new Wonderbolts" crouched in the uppermost branches of the oak tree, their eyes trained on the prismatic pegasus napping on a cloud a few meters above.
"What do I do?" whispered Fluttershy anxiously.
"You just need to act like a Wonderbolt!" Ditzy hissed back. "Be confident! Be a little arrogant if you have to. Make up some stories about aerial feats you've done that will impress even Rainbow Dash! And I'll be right beside you to back you up. Just remember, keep your voice disguised, and whatever you do, don't break character, or it's game over."
Fluttershy gulped. "I don't know why I let you talk me into this…"
"Too late for second thoughts. Here we go!"
Ditzy jumped up from the tree and floated into the air, with Fluttershy following behind. Soon, they were within a few meters of Rainbow Dash, who had not yet stirred from her sleep.
Fluttershy took a slow, deep breath, cleared her throat, and began to speak in her synthesized Wonderbolt voice.
"Hey, that must be Rainbow Dash. Spitfire mentioned something about her."
Rainbow awoke at the mention of her name. She blinked a few times, and her eyes went wide when she realized two Wonderbolts were hovering over her.
"Oh my gosh! It's the Wonderbolts!" Dash got up, looking between the two newcomers excitedly. "Wh… what are you doing here? Are you looking for me?"
"We were," said Fluttershy. "We're two new recruits that passed the tryouts last time they were in Hoofington. Spitfire told us about you, so we figured we'd come meet you while we were in Cloudsdale."
"Awesome!" Rainbow Dash squealed. "So, what're your names?"
Fluttershy froze; she and Ditzy had forgot to come up with codenames before they began!
"I'm… uh… Stormchaser!" Fluttershy answered, hoping she had been quick enough. "And this is my partner… uh… Sky Cyclone!"
Ditzy, who was not as good at disguising her voice, just nodded. She wanted to avoid speaking when possible.
"Nice to meet you!" Rainbow said enthusiastically. "Spitfire probably told you this, but I'm Rainbow Dash! I'm one of the fastest flyers in Equestria, and I'll be joining the Wonderbolts myself just as soon as the tryouts arrive here again!"
"Really?" asked Fluttershy, managing to add a hint of curious skepticism to her voice. "Let's see some of your moves then, hotshot."
Ditzy had to turn around to hide her grin. Fluttershy couldn't be assertive, sarcastic, challenging, or anything else harsh in reality to save her life, but wow, could she act!
"Sure! Check this out!" Rainbow said, speeding off to do some tricks in the sky.
Ditzy floated next to Fluttershy. "You are amazing!" she whispered to the usually-shy pegasus. "How are you doing that?"
"I… I learned it in a school play," Fluttershy mumbled back. "I discovered that, if I pretend I really am the pony I'm playing the part of, I can manage to act like that pony would, instead of myself. It's… all about the mindset, I guess."
Ditzy was stunned. "Fluttershy, you're a pony of many talents, you know that?"
"Who's Fluttershy?" Fluttershy asked, disguising her voice again. "I'm Stormchaser!"
"That's the spirit!" Ditzy whispered as Rainbow Dash came soaring back over to the pair.
"So how was that?" Rainbow asked smugly. "Pretty sweet moves, huh?"
"Yeah, not bad," said Fluttershy, trying to sound only moderately impressed.
"What about you, Sky Cyclone?"
Ditzy grinned and nodded fiercely to indicate her feelings.
Dash raised an eyebrow. "You don't talk much, do you?"
"No, she doesn't," Fluttershy said. "So, those we're decent moves and all, Rainbow Dash, but what about…"
"Oh! I just had an idea!" Rainbow suddenly cried, cutting the pseudo-Wonderbolt off. "Since you guys are recent additions to the Wonderbolts team, how about we have a race! If I can keep up with you, then I'll know I'm ready to ace the tryouts!"
"Uhh…" Fluttershy thought quickly, searching for a way out. "Alright then. Excuse us for a second while we discuss which of us will race you."
Fluttershy grabbed Ditzy and pulled her over to nearby cloud, where the two pegasi turned their backs to Rainbow.
"Now what?" Fluttershy squeaked. "Rainbow Dash will actually be paying attention to our performance now! She'll know we're not really Wonderbolts if we can't at least keep up with her!"
"Well don't look at me," said Ditzy. "My flying is terrible. It's hard to move forward with lots of speed when you're looking in two directions at once."
Fluttershy groaned. "I can fly decently, but there's simply no way I can keep up with Rainbow Dash."
"Unless…" said Ditzy suddenly. "You can use strategy instead of speed!"
"We need to set a race course that you can somehow use to your advantage, to make it seem like you're going faster than you really are."
Fluttershy gasped. "Like during the Running of the Leaves last year… Applejack used a flexible tree branch to launch herself forward!"
"Right!" Ditzy answered. "We need to use stuff like that to help you. We'll set a course through the woods, and we'll find you a bunch of shortcuts and other surprises you can use to stay ahead of Rainbow! She'll never know what hit her!"
"Do you… do you think it could work?" Fluttershy squeaked.
"I hope so. It's the only way you could win, I think."
The two ponies ceased their huddle and flew back over to Rainbow Dash. "Alright Rainbow," Fluttershy said. "Here's the scoop. Sky Cyclone here is going to mark a course through the woods, so neither of us will know the route by heart. Then you and I will race through there when she's done."
"A test of speed and agility!" Rainbow observed. "You Wonderbolts know how to do it right!"
"Meet us at the woods in about an hour," Fluttershy said. Rainbow saluted and took off, probably to go practice. Fluttershy turned to her companion.
"The next part's up to you, Ditzy. So, um… good luck."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "There you are," Fluttershy panted in relief when Ditzy came into view. "Are you finished? Rainbow will be here any minute!"
"I'm done," Ditzy said. "I've lined up a trail of red mushrooms along the path you're supposed to follow. Every now and then, I've laid a blue mushroom on a patch of moss. When you see a blue mushroom on moss, it means there's a shortcut there. If you follow it, it will lead you to a later part of the red trail. If you use the shortcuts, you should be able to keep up with Rainbow, since she won't know they're there. Just don't let her see you take those routes, or she'll know you're cheating."
"Okay," said Fluttershy. "Anything else?"
"Yeah," said Ditzy. "At the end of the course is a long straightaway leading out of the trees. If Rainbow still manages to get ahead of you, you can use this one big tree branch just like Applejack did to throw yourself forward. Just flap your wings while you do, so it looks like you're still flying. If you can pull that off, you'll win for sure."
"Good," said Fluttershy. "Because here she comes!"
The two pegasi looked up as Rainbow Dash descended from the sky. The colorful pony's mane was very windblown; she'd probably been giving herself a serious workout to warm up.
"You ready?" Rainbow challenged.
"Of course," said Fluttershy coolly, again doing a fabulous job of hiding her nervousness. "Sky cyclone set up a trail of red mushrooms for us to follow. First one to reach the outer edge of the woods wins."
Both ponies crouched down, wings spread, ready to take off. Fluttershy glanced at Ditzy, signaling her to start the race.
"On your mark…" Ditzy said, trying as hard as possible to change her voice to literally anything other than its normal sound.
"Get set…"
Rainbow tensed, flapping her wings once in anticipation. Fluttershy did the same.
"Go!"
Both ponies rocketed forward into the woods. Almost immediately, Rainbow Dash took the lead. "What's the matter, Stormchaser?" she called. "Can't keep up?"
"Just getting warmed up," Fluttershy called back, trying to sound arrogant.
Ditzy watched the pegasi disappear, and then flew around the outside of the woods to wait at the finish line.
Fluttershy weaved through the trees, moving as fast as her wings would carry her, but Rainbow was pulling further and further ahead. Fluttershy scanned the ground, desperately searching for the shortcut marker.
Just as Rainbow moved out of sight completely, Fluttershy spotted the first blue mushroom, and turned left sharply, passing through a narrow tunnel beneath the boughs. She emerged just a moment after Rainbow passed the spot where the shortcut ended.
The kaleidoscopic pegasus glanced backward in surprise. "Wow, you're faster than I thought! Time to step it up!" Rainbow beat her wings even harder, and Fluttershy watched in amazement as the pegasus continued to rocket ahead.
She's even faster than I expected, Fluttershy thought. I hope there's enough shortcuts for me to keep up!
She took a turn at the next blue mushroom, and found herself floating over a wide gorge that Rainbow was likely going all the way around. After a moment, she reached the other side, and after passing through a wall of brush, was back on the red trail. A few more shortcuts soon after kept her close behind Rainbow once again.
The two ponies turned a corner and came onto the straightaway. The light beyond the woods was visible, a speck a few hundred meters away. Fluttershy had a tiny lead, but Rainbow was closing in fast. Fluttershy slowed deliberately, letting her rival get ahead.
Quickly, the yellow pegasus grabbed the branch Ditzy had mentioned. She pushed it back, jumped up so the branch sat against her flank, and let go of the tree.
Woosh! The branch snapped back to its original position, hurling Fluttershy forward at a speed she had never experienced before. The pegasus spread her wings and rode the air easily thanks to the incredible momentum.
Rainbow Dash was stunned when the other pegasus blazed past her, plummeting toward the finish line. I'm going to win! Fluttershy thought ecstatically. I'm actually going to…
SNAG!
A loose branch caught on Fluttershy, which, given her uncontrolled speed, sent her hurtling into a chaotic tumble. She pitched forward with a shriek and plowed into the ground…
…and across the finish line.
It took Fluttershy a moment to get her bearings, but once she had, she realized she had beaten Rainbow. The other racer came to a stop at the finish line a moment later, her expression incredulous.
"Ha! Take that!" Fluttershy announced proudly.
Rainbow Dash said nothing. She just stared at Fluttershy with a shocked and confused expression. Fluttershy began to sense that something was wrong.
It took Rainbow a moment to speak. She was unable to piece this turn of events together.
"F…Fl…Fluttershy…?"
Fluttershy's eyes went wide. How does she know? I didn't let my character down for an instant. And it's not like she can see my…"
Fluttershy stopped, and put her hooves to her fully exposed face. The Wonderbolts mask dangled from the branch that had caught her at the end of the race.
"But if you're Fluttershy," said Rainbow, in an almost scared-sounding tone, "Then… who is…"
Ditzy made a move to get out of the way, but Rainbow was on her in an instant. The cyan pegasus tore off the mask, revealing Ditzy's telltale misaligned eyes.
"Ditzy Doo?!" said Rainbow, shocked once again. "Alright, what the hay is going on here!?"
"Well… um…" Ditzy stammered. She wasn't supposed to let anyone but the client know what she was up to. The matchup was destined to fail if she did.
"I… I…"
"It was all my idea," Fluttershy lied smoothly. "Ditzy just agreed to help me. Leave her out of this."
"But… but why?" Rainbow stammered. "And… how?"
Fluttershy moaned and sank to the ground, covering her face completely with her mane and holding it there. Rainbow stamped her hoof.
"Fluttershy! This isn't funny! I want an explanation now!"
"I… I'm sorry!" Fluttershy squeaked. "I just… just really wanted you to think I was cool, Rainbow. But I was supposed to reveal my identity later, not like this…"
"But… why did you want to make me think you were cool?"
"Because it was the only way I could get you to like me!" Fluttershy sobbed, collapsing yet again.
"Wha… Fluttershy, I already like you!"
"No," sobbed Fluttershy. "I mean… like me…"
Rainbow's eyes widened. "Fluttershy…" she started tentatively. "Do you, uh… Do you like me?"
"Y…Yes…" Fluttershy managed to gurgle between sobs.
Rainbow grinned. "Well, that saves me a lot of trouble, then!"
Fluttershy ceased crying suddenly. "Wait… what?"
"Heh…" Dash was blushing now, but she was smiling. "I actually… have had a crush on you for a while now… but I was scared to tell you."
Fluttershy gasped and sat up. "You… you did?"
"Yeah!" said Rainbow, her usual vigor returning. "I like the Wonderbolts and all, and I think their flying is really cool, but I don't, you know, love them."
"You don't?"
"Nah," said Rainbow. "I find the sweet, timid types much more charming."
Rainbow jumped forward suddenly and scooped Fluttershy up in a big hug, lifting her into the air a bit. Fluttershy hugged back, the tears in her eyes now stemming from happiness rather than despair.
"Rainbow," said Fluttershy, after they touched down again. "Just give me a moment to properly thank Ditzy for all the trouble I put her through. Then maybe we can… hang out?"
Rainbow Dash smiled. "Yeah. Go ahead."
Fluttershy trotted over to Ditzy. Both ponies smiled broadly at each other.
"How much do I owe you?" Fluttershy asked.
"I… oh, horseapples, I forgot to set a price before we started!" Ditzy admitted.
"I… I'll just send you the money later," Fluttershy said. "Five-hundred bits."
"Fi-Fi-Five hundred?" Ditzy stammered. "That's so much!"
"Oh, you deserve it," Fluttershy cooed. "I put you through so much today."
The yellow pegasus removed her Wonderbolt outfit and gave it to Ditzy. "Spitfire will probably be wanting this back," she said sheepishly. "I'll see you later. I'm going to go 'hang out' with Rainbow Dash!"
Grinning, Fluttershy turned away and skipped over to her waiting friend.
"Wait!" Rainbow announced suddenly. "We can hang out, but only on one condition."
Fluttershy stopped. "And… that is…"
"Wash that dye out of your mane. You look like the Great and Powerful Trixie."
Fluttershy and Ditzy laughed aloud, and Ditzy waved goodbye to the pair before taking to the sky once again.
The tiny unicorn squealed with delight as she gazed upon her surprise party. The backyard of the little cottage had been transformed into a veritable filly's wonderland. Several tables were laid out, covered in festive tablecloths and adorned with balloons. A mountain of colorfully wrapped gifts was piled in on one of them, and the rest were laden with large amounts of sweets. There was even a huge custom birthday cake, a real one, professionally prepared at Sugarcube Corner, instead of the muffin topped with a candle Dinky was used to receiving on her birthday.
Many of the fillies and colts from Dinky's class at school stood in the yard as well. Dinky immediately recognized the trio who called themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders, as well as Pipsqueak, the new colt who had moved from Trottingham a few months earlier. Twist, the geeky but friendly filly who sat next to Dinky in class, smiled warmly nearby. A whole host of others were there as well; Dinky assumed nearly the entire class had been invited.
Smiling the broadest of the whole bunch was Dinky's own mother, Ditzy. The pegasus positively beamed as her ecstatic daughter raced into the yard to greet her friends. Ditzy had been waiting for years to throw her daughter a proper birthday bash, and this year, for the filly's thirteenth birthday, she finally found herself financially able to do so.
Ditzy trotted over to the corner of the lawn, where Pinkie Pie was going over her checklist, making sure she had delivered all the requested party elements.
"Wow, Pinkie Pie, this is amazing," the pegasus commented. "Dinky looks really thrilled; you really can throw quite the party."
Pinkie grinned. "Yeah, well that's what you get when you order the Doozy package," the pink mare chirped. "A party with all the extra trimmings! There's even some super-duper-amazing entertainment coming! They'll be here in a little while."
"Great!" Ditzy responded. "So, how much do I owe you for setting all this up?"
Pinkie frowned. "Well, I warned you that the Doozy package isn't exactly cheap. I mean, it's a lot harder to push the Doozy party cannon out here then my regular party cannon."
Pinkie pointed to the gigantic device, almost twice her height, its barrel gleaming eerily in the shadows as it awaited its next opportunity to spew party paraphernalia all over somepony's lawn.
Ditzy blinked. "That… that probably explains what that explosion shortly after you got here was…"
"Yes ma'am!" Pinkie squeaked. "Now, usually the Doozy package is pretty pricey, but since you're a first time customer, I can give you a little discount!"
"Oh, no special treatment, please," Ditzy countered. "I can pay full price. Really."
Ditzy handed over the bits to Pinkie. It was only the sum of her last few jobs' pay; she could easily afford to part with it at this point.
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" said Pinkie as she accepted the money. "I'll just be on my way then! Good luck with whatever job you will inevitably wind up being assigned after the impending page break. I'll see you in the next chapter!"
"I… you'll see me… huh?" Ditzy stammered. Pinkie didn't answer; she was too busy preparing to haul the Doozy party cannon back to Sugarcube Corner.
"I swear, that mare is even weirder than Watt sometimes," Ditzy mumbled, turning back to the party.
"Hey everypony!" she called to the young ponies scattered around the yard. "Who wants some birthday cake?"
In an instant, the pegasus found herself surrounded by a horde of eager ponies, chattering and carrying on as they awaited their treat. Ditzy quickly cut the cake, giving the first piece to little Dinky. Soon, everypony was enjoying Pinkie Pie's latest confectionary masterpiece.
Ditzy was so busy watching the youngsters bury their faces in cake that she didn't notice the sound of another pony coming around the house and strolling up behind her.
"Excuse me."
Ditzy turned around and was faced with an unusual sight. The visitor was none other than Ponyville's librarian, Twilight Sparkle, and on her back was Spike. But for whatever reason, Twilight was decked out in her dress from the Grand Galloping Gala, and wearing her mane in an elaborate style that could only have been the work of Rarity, and Spike was adorned with a top hat, cape, and magically conjured moustache.
"Um… can I help you?" Ditzy asked, staring at Twilight with one eye and Spike with the other.
"Uh, yeah, hi," said Twilight awkwardly. "Pinkie Pie sent us here to do a magic show for a birthday party."
"Does that have something to do with why you're both dressed like that?" Ditzy asked.
"Well, yes," Twilight sighed. "Spike is the 'magician.' I'm supposed to be the 'lovely assistant'."
Ditzy blinked. "Spike can do magic?"
"But of course," Spike said, standing up on Twilight's back and bowing regally, sweeping his cape in front of him.
Twilight gave her hip a sharp twitch, causing the baby dragon to topple off. "No, he can't," she corrected. "I'll be the one actually doing the magic; I'm just going to make it look like Spike's doing it. That's why I have my mane like this; I have to keep my horn hidden. Because, you know, a unicorn doing magic is an everyday thing, but a dragon doing magic is something special."
Ditzy grinned. "Pinkie pie sure knows how to come up with good entertainment ideas for colts and fillies!"
"That she does," Twilight agreed. "Pinkie's had us do this before; the crowd usually loves it."
"Well, duh," Spike added. "Who wouldn't love a show where the Amazing Spike performs fantastic feats of prestidigitation?"
Twilight glared at her assistant. "Don't get a big head this time, Houdini, or you might find some of your 'tricks' staring to backfire on you…"
Spike gulped. "Gotcha' Twilight…"
Ditzy called everyone together, and soon Twilight and Spike found themselves with a large audience.
"Good afternoon, everypony!" Spike announced. "Today I, the Amazing Spike, will put on a display of magic the likes of which nopony has ever witnessed before!"
"Ooooohh," the crowd responded.
"What shall I do first?" the dragon asked. "Someone in the audience, give me a suggestion!"
"Why don't you make miss Twilight disappear?" Apple Bloom called.
"Yeah!" Scootaloo agreed. "A vanishing trick! Making Twilight disappear would be awesome!"
"I really like her mane!" Sweetie Belle added, taking notice of Twilight's unusual manestyle.
"A simple trick," Spike commented. "But very theatrical. I like it!" He turned to Twilight and waggled his fingers mysteriously. "I summon the ancient dragon magic to make Twilight Sparkle… disappear!"
Twilight performed the mundanely simple invisibility spell and vanished from sight. The audience gasped in surprise, and then cheered.
"Now shall I bring her back?" Spike asked.
"Yeah!"
Spike again motioned in Twilight's direction. "Fine. Let's bring Twilight Sparkle back!"
Twilight reappeared in a flash, pretending to look shocked, as if Spike had actually sent her away somewhere of his own accord. The audience applauded.
Ditzy Doo sat at the back of the group, nibbling on some cake and watching the magic show. She couldn't remember ever seeing her daughter this happy before. Every year, Dinky's birthday was celebrated with a meager, homemade muffin, and a small, dull present costing only a few bits; it was all the money Ditzy could spare. Now she was able to afford a party like this one, and still not be met with financial hardship. Sure, her new job was hard, but it was worth it, considering the fulfilling results and the huge pay increase from her old job.
Applying to Equestria Speedy Shipping Services was the luckiest mistake I ever made, the mare thought, smiling to herself. Ever since Dinky's father died, all I've really wanted is to make her happy, and now I can finally do that.
Sure, there was still the minor complication of actually telling Dinky about her new job; Ditzy was hesitant to do so, even though she wasn't sure exactly why. She harbored a nagging feeling that breaking the news to a filly that one was employed in a business like matchmaking was something that needed to be handled… delicately, to say the least. So every time the thought came to her, she pushed it to the back of her mind.
I'll think of something eventually, Ditzy thought absentmindedly. For now, I should be grateful I even have such a good job.
Indeed, Ditzy's endeavors into pony shipping were still going well. She succeeded at the vast majority of her assignments, and got along well with her coworkers. Well, except for one…
I wonder why Glow hates me so much, Ditzy pondered. She doesn't exactly get along well with the others, either, but I wonder what I did to make myself the prime target?
Ever since the argument a few weeks ago, Glow had been acting… different. Instead of just spiteful, she seemed to have a haughty sort of air about her. She tended to greet Ditzy with a nasty smirk, and the pegasus couldn't help but wonder if the unicorn was formulating some sort of evil plan. For now, Ditzy found the best course of action was to ignore her coworker's taunts as much as possible.
Both Ditzy and Breeze had not brought up Glow's comment concerning the two of them again. Ditzy didn't feel an explanation was necessary.
Glow's accusations don't bother me. It's perfectly obvious that there's nothing going on between Breeze and I. I mean, we're just friends.
…Right?
Another thunderous round of applause snapped Ditzy out of her reverie. It appeared that Twilight and Spike were about to conclude their show.
"Well, fillies and gentlecolts, we're almost out of time," Spike announced. "But I think we have time for one more trick. Twilight, whaddya' say we get the birthday girl up here to help us?"
"That sounds like an excellent idea," Twilight replied.
Dinky squealed with joy as she hopped to her hooves and ran over to Twilight and Spike. Spike grinned and turned to Dinky with a grand sweep of his cape.
"Alright, Dinky Doo," he announced. "I, the Amazing Spike, have the power to perform any amazing feat you so desire! What would you like me to do?"
Dinky put a hoof to her chin in thought. Suddenly, her face lit up and she leaned over and whispered something to Spike, who in turn whispered it to Twilight.
"Aww," the purple mare cooed. "That's so sweet. Alright, oh Amazing Spike, make it happen!"
Spike struck a dramatic pose, swung his arms in a grand arc and held them skyward, and at the same moment, Twilight released a burst of magic. A glowing orb rocketed into the sky, traveling higher until it was almost out of sight. Then suddenly is burst into a giant, colorful firework.
For a moment, the crowd thought that was the whole trick, but then the sparks from the explosion began to rearrange themselves in midair, beginning to form words and an image.
It only took a few seconds for the particles to take their new form. Ditzy looked up, not sure if she could believe her eyes.
Multicolored particles spelled out the phrase 'Thank you, mommy!', and the image forming beneath it was a surprisingly clear picture of Ditzy and Dinky, snuggled up together in a big, warm hug. The whole audience let out a long "awwwwwwww" at the sweetness of the gesture.
"What do you think?"
Ditzy, who had been staring dumbstruck at the firework, finally looked down to see her beaming daughter standing in front of her.
"Dinky…" Ditzy started, a few tears welling up in her eyes as she looked up again at the spectacular gesture of gratitude her daughter had wished up. "…dear, I… I don't know what to say…"
Dinky just laughed and tackled her mother, pulling her into a hug not unlike the one depicted in the iridescent masterpiece overhead.
"Thank you so much!" the little unicorn squeaked. "I've… I've never had a party like this before…"
"You're welcome," Ditzy said lovingly. "It was high time you got to have a real party."
Dinky gave her mother a final affectionate nuzzle before sprinting back to her friends, who were now all talking to Spike about his amazing magic as the aerial picture finally began to fade.
Spike eventually said goodbye to everyone, and hopped onto Twilight's back. The pair made to leave the yard, strolling past Ditzy on the way by.
"Payment is included in Pinkie's fees," Twilight said. "So you're already covered." She leaned in a little closer to the pegasus. "And… I hope you know, you have the sweetest little filly I've ever met. I hope you take good care of her."
"I always do," Ditzy replied with a grin.
Twilight smiled. "Come on, Amazing Spike, our work here is done."
Ditzy wiped the last of the happy tears from her misaligned eyes, and returned to host the rest of the party.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Luna's moon was rising steadily in the night sky. It was time for a certain filly to go to sleep.
"Dinky! Bedtime!"
Dinky ceased playing with the 'Equestrian Filly' dolls she had gotten as a birthday gift and began to trot up the stairs. Halfway up, she stopped, and turned back.
"Hey, mommy? Can I ask you something?"
Ditzy looked up from her seat at the table. "Sure, what is it?"
Dinky cantered quietly over to the table and hopped up onto a chair across from her mother. "Mommy, I was just wondering… how did you manage to throw me such a big party this afternoon? Wasn't it real expensive?"
Ditzy smiled uncomfortably. "Um… I… I got a bonus at work. Delivering a package to the princess, you know. So I decided to use the extra money on your party."
"That was really nice," Dinky commented. "I hope you liked my thank you gift in return."
Ditzy broke into a wide, sincere smile now. "I loved it. You're the best filly a mother could have."
Dinky smiled, and was silent for a few moments. Ditzy went back to what she was doing, aware that the filly was still watching her.
"Mommy… do you think daddy is up there somewhere, wishing me a happy birthday too?"
Ditzy's breath caught in her throat. Dinky almost never brought up her late father, mainly because she was too young when he died to remember anything about him.
"Of… of course, dear. Daddy's not with us anymore, but I'm sure he's up there somewhere, watching you grow up. You're making him very proud."
Dinky sighed happily at the thought of her father's comforting gaze. "It's too bad he's gone. I guess I'll need to find someone else to teach me about magic."
Ditzy smirked. "You could get the Amazing Spike to help you."
Dinky laughed aloud. "Yeah! Or at least miss Twilight. She was the one really doing the magic, wasn't she?"
Ditzy focused both her eyes on the filly. "Nothing gets by you, does it?"
Dinky shook her head. "Nope," she said proudly. "Now, I'll go to bed. Goodnight, mommy."
"Goodnight, sweetie," Ditzy said as she watched the filly bound up the stairs.
Nothing gets by Dinky, she thought to herself again. How many of my excuses about work has she already seen through?
The mare pushed the thought from her mind and got back to work.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pinkie Pie lurked between the page breaks, having lost her way to chapter 7 after leaving Dinky's party. After realizing that she had rather awkwardly created an unnecessary paragraph with her antics, she waved briefly at the readers before turning and setting off down the side of another page. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Ditzy Doo, come to my office for your next assignment. Thank you."
Ditzy gratefully got up to answer Candyfloss's call. She had been stuck in the lounge with no one around but Watt for two hours, and she was eager to escape the Earth pony's endless chatter. She trotted down to the office of her superior.
"Good afternoon, Ditzy," Candyfloss said with the usual vague smile. "How are you today?"
"Fine," said Ditzy. "What's today's mission?"
"Today," Candyfloss started, "You're getting an unusual kind of mission, and so must be informed of a few additional parameters to your job. Today, we have gotten, as we occasionally do… a call from a young colt. As you might expect, the ethical standards held at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services cannot allow you to attempt to form a serious, lifelong bond among underaged ponies. Usually, when we get calls from young ponies, they aren't after that anyway. You are permitted to aid them in achieving a date with the object of their affection; a simple, informal dinner or a trip to a movie or event. Any requests of a young pony to get the object of their affection to form any sort of long term relationship, as well as any other requests that may be considered improper for a pony of that age must be denied in order to uphold our ethical standards. Do you understand?"
"Of course," said Ditzy. "I have a filly of my own, I know what's acceptable for kids."
"Good," said Candyfloss. "Here's the address. Off you go!"
Ditzy took to the air, and soon found herself at an average-looking house in Ponyville. She rapped briefly on the door.
A moment passed, and the door swung open, revealing a tiny, pudgy, turquoise unicorn colt with a pair of scissors as a Cutie Mark.
The unicorn's eyes lit up. "Snails!" he cried. "They actually sent someone! We're saved!"
He turned back to Ditzy. "My name's Snips, and my pal Snails is inside. And boy, do the both of us need your help!"
He trotted back inside, motioning for Ditzy to follow. Once they reached the living room, Ditzy caught sight of the other pony, an orange unicorn with a greenish mane, who was gazing blankly into space.
"Snails," Snips said. "This is… uh… the shipping pony! She's gonna help us out!"
Snails turned ever so slowly to stare at Ditzy. "…I like her eyes…" he drawled after a moment.
Snips chuckled. "Don't mind Snails, he's a little… slow. But the two of us need your help with a big problem!"
"Uh… sure," said Dtizy. "What's wrong?"
"Well," Snips started. "We were talking with our friends at school, and everyone was admiring our friend Peach Pit, because he's going out with this super-awesome filly in our class named Lemon Fresh. And I thought it was annoying how he was bragging about getting a date, so I told him that anyone can get a filly if he really tries to."
Ditzy didn't like where this was going.
"So naturally," Snips continued. "Peach Pit said Snails and I couldn't get a date in a million years. And so I said 'oh yeah?' and he was all like 'yeah'."
Ditzy didn't like where this was going at all.
"So," Snips continued. "I bet him that Snails and I could get a date with any available filly in our class within a week. And he said 'fine then, it's a bet', and everything would have been all set up for us to prove him wrong, but then he told us which fillies we had to get dates with… Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."
"Silver Spoon is cute!" announced Snails to no one in particular, eliciting a puzzled look from Snips. The orange unicorn took no heed, continuing to stare at the wall and smile dully.
Ditzy put a hoof to her forehead in annoyance. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, if Dinky's description of her classmates was any indication, were two of the most mean-spirited and stuck-up fillies ever to curse Ponyville with their presence. They were also rich and extremely picky; Ditzy suspected ragamuffins like Snips and Snails were the very last ponies they'd ever consider dating.
"The point is," Snips continued. "We don't even like these two, but we need photographic proof that we were on a date with them, by tomorrow, or we'll lose the bet! So we need you to help us get a date! Please?"
Ditzy was under no obligation to accept every assignment, but then again, this might be a good chance for her to teach these colts not to accept stupid bets, and not to date snobby jerks like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. She decided to accept; the alternative was returning to HQ and listing to Watt ramble on some more.
"Alright, kids, we'll give it a try."
"Woohoo!" Snips cheered. "You hear that Snails? We're gonna win this bet yet!"
Snails just blinked.
"Not so fast," Ditzy said. "You have to pay for this service you know."
"Oh," Snips said, thinking hard for a moment. "Well, when we win the bet tomorrow, we get forty bits. You can take half of that."
Twenty bits was incredibly meager pay for a shipping job, but then again, these were young colts. Ditzy took the offer.
"Come on Snails!" Snips called as he followed the pegasus out the door. "Let's go get some fillies!"
Snails seemed to register the instructions after a few moments, and trotted out the door after Snips.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon appeared to be in some kind of argument. Neither was aware of the three faces, two belonging to colts and one to a mare, peering around the corner of a building.
"Those two?" Ditzy asked. She could tell just by looking that these two fillies everything that Dinky had described them as; rich, snobbish, and ill-tempered.
"That's them," Snips whispered. "What's the plan?"
Ditzy scrutinized the target for a moment. "I need to see how they react to you. Just walk over to them and say hi, and don't even bring up the fact that you're trying to get a date with them."
Snips shrugged. "You're the boss. C'mon Snails."
Snips and Snails strode nonchalantly into the square. The fillies didn't notice their approach, as they were still locked in a battle of words.
Snips cleared his throat. "Uh… hi, ladies."
Both fillies quieted instantly and turned to face the new arrivals. Silver Spoon scrunched up her nose distastefully, and Diamond Tiara took a step back, lifting a front hoof and sticking out her tongue in disgust.
"Ew," Diamond Tiara proclaimed. "What do you two losers want?"
"Uh, nothing," Snips said quickly. "Just… I mean… uh… nice day, huh?"
"Yeah, until you loused it up," the pink filly responded. "Now go away before we catch the plague or something from you two weirdoes."
Snips sighed and made to go back the way he came. After walking a few steps, he realized Snails was not following; the orange colt was staring fixedly at Silver Spoon, whose expression was growing increasingly disturbed. Snips grabbed his companion's tail and yanked him away.
"Well, that went… about as well as expected," Ditzy deadpanned once the colts returned to her hiding place.
"Yeah," Snips said. "But you've gotta' have some kind of magic strategy to make them like us, right? I mean, you couldn't be a shipper otherwise, could you?"
Ditzy laughed. "There's no 'magic strategy', I'm afraid, but trust me; there's more than one way to catch a filly's interest."
The pegasus turned and trotted briskly down the street, with her young clients in tow.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Snips peeked out of the small closet he and Snails had been rummaging through. "Uh… what exactly are we looking for again?"
"I told you," Ditzy replied impatiently. "You two need to find some way to impress those two with a display of skill. Don't you guys have anything in there that you can use to impress them?"
"I'll keep looking," Snips answered, plunging back into the pile of junk in the closet.
Ditzy thought over her strategy yet again. In most situations, this would be considered a very blunt and rather shallow way for the client to get the target's attention; but impressing fillies or colts was different than impressing adult ponies. Ditzy remembered Dinky's detailed description of Applebloom's antics involving some device called a "loopty-hoop" a few weeks earlier; another example of her theory. Young ponies, for the most part, were easily impressed by some display of skill.
The question was, could Snips and Snails do anything impressive enough to interest Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was good news and bad news. The good news: Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were in a good mood. The bad news: they were in a good mood because the stunt Snips and Snails had just tried to pull had gone so catastrophically wrong that it had left both fillies rolling on the ground in laughter.
"Oh man, you two are so pathetic," Diamond Tiara squealed in malicious delight as she watched the colts struggle to untangle themselves from the bizarre position they had wound up in following the accident.
"I know, right?" Silver Spoon added between fits of laughter. "I mean, why would you even try something that random? I could understand if you were those three fillies who are still looking for their Cutie Marks, but the two of you… what were you even trying to prove?"
Snips and Snails just stared at the ground as the two giggling fillies walked away, describing the stunt again and again between giggles.
A few moments later, there was a flutter of wings as an exasperated grey pegasus landed next to the colts.
"Well, they noticed you," Ditzy said dryly. "Not in the way we hoped, but…"
"But… we did what you said…" Snails responded. "We performed a feat of skill."
Ditzy shook her head. "Uh… perhaps I should have been more specific. You two were supposed to do some stunt that you actually knew how to do, not just one that would be impressive but basically impossible for you. When I saw you come out here with a beach ball and a dozen eggs, I wasn't sure what you were planning, but I figured it was some simple trick of yours. Instead, I watched you wind up in a tangle of legs, covered in egg yolk, with the two fillies you're trying to impress laughing their flanks off at you! And I don't know how you managed to set Leafy Green's cabbage cart on fire in the midst of all this, but I'm probably going to have to pay for it…"
"Alright, we get it!" said Snips. "We screwed up, okay? Sorry!"
Ditzy caught herself when she heard Snips' apologetic outburst. "No… I'm sorry," she said. "Customer service is an important part of my job, and more importantly, I'm usually such a friendly pony. I've been letting myself get too worked up over this. Sure, this isn't the type of assignment I'm used to having, and we've had a few setbacks so far, but that's no reason for me to turn into a grump." She looked at Snips and Snails, who were watching her curiously. "Do you guys forgive me?"
Snips and Snails grinned. "Sure!" said Snips, his usual vigor returning. "Don't worry about it."
"Great!" said Ditzy, relieved. "Now, let's do this right. I've got some other shipping tactics that just have to work!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Six hours and nearly a dozen failed strategies later, Ditzy was finding it difficult to maintain her composure, but she refused to let her frustration show again; she was a better pony than that. Snips and Snails were getting discouraged, too.
"It's no use," Snips said with a sigh. "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have watched us make fools of ourselves over and over today. Maybe we should just give in and lose the bet."
"Well…" Ditzy began, feeling rather defeated as well. "Let's give it one more go, and then, if we still fail, we'll call it quits. Alright?"
"Yeah, why not," Snips mumbled. Snails just nodded vaguely in agreement.
"Ok then…" the pegasus racked her brain for anything else the colts could try. "Let's go with something simple. Just try complimenting them. Any feature will do. Tell them they have… lustrous coats, or… beautiful eyes, or something. At this point, they'll probably just laugh at you again, but there's no harm in trying."
"Sure, why not," said Snips unenthusiastically. "Let's go, Snails."
The colts exited the building in which they had been hiding and located Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon once again.
Silver Spoon was the first to see them coming. She poked Diamond Tiara to get her attention.
"Look who's heading this way."
Diamond Tiara turned around, catching sight of the approaching colts. "You two again?" she asked. "Seriously, can't you two just go away before somepony gets hurt from laughing at you so hard?"
Snips ignored the jeer as he tried to decide how to compliment the pink filly.
What feature do I praise? Snips thought. Her mane? Her eyes? Maybe her tiara?
There was a long, awkward silence. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon glanced at each other briefly before once again collapsing in laughter.
Snails' face had turned bright red; he stood completely still, not quite sure what had caused him to admit his opinion of the grey filly. Snips just shook his head.
"That's it. We're done. Let's go, Snails."
The two colts began to trot away, yet again, from the gleeful fillies, but Diamond Tiara stopped them.
"Wait… wait…" she managed to choke out between laughs. "Just… hang on a sec…" The filly gathered her composure and stood up, facing Snips and Snails with a curious expression.
"I just have to know," she said. "Is there some particular reason you two have been following us around all day and doing stupid things? Are you really just that bored or something?"
"Nah," Snips said, deciding it was time to spill the beans. "We were trying to impress you two so you'd go on a date with us, but-"
"So we would what?" Diamond Tiara gasped. "Why would either of you possibly think that the two of us would ever want to date you two losers? I mean, I know you're dumb, but not that dumb!"
"I know," Snips mumbled. "It was a stupid idea. Snails and I will just lose the bet; it's not that big a deal."
"Bet?" asked Silver Spoon, walking up next to Diamond Tiara. "What bet?"
"Peach Pit at school was going to pay us forty bits if we managed to get a date with you two by today," Snips said. "That's why we were trying so hard."
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at one another.
"Silver Spoon, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I think I'm thinking what you're thinking, Diamond Tiara."
Once again, Diamond Tiara faced Snips and Snails. "Alright, listen. We'll cut you two stooges a deal. We'll pretend to go out with you, just long enough for you to get the proof you need, and then when you win your bet, we get twenty bits from the winnings."
Snips' face lit up. "Really?"
Diamond Tiara shrugged. "Sure, why not. Just don't get any ideas; remember, we still hate you two."
"Fine by me," Snips said. "So, who's got a camera?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "No… way…" Peach Pit breathed, unable to believe what he was looking at.
The photograph clearly showed Snips and Snails, sitting at a table at the ice cream shop, posing for the photo with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
"There's your proof," Snips said smugly. "Now where's our money?"
"…Fine," Peach Pit grumbled, handing Snips a bag full of coins. "I don't know how you two did it, though…"
The confused colt wandered away, shaking his head, leaving Snips and Snails with the money. As soon as he was out of sight, a certain pair of fillies trotted over from where they had been discreetly watching from another part of the playground.
"Alright, we'll take our share now," Diamond Tiara said. She snatched the bag from Snips' hoof, dumped out the coins, and took twenty for herself and Silver Spoon.
"Thanks, losers," the pink filly mused, sauntering away with her newly earned funds. Silver Spoon remained behind for a moment, watching Diamond Tiara walk away and around the corner of the schoolhouse. She turned back to Snips and Snails; curiously, she was blushing ever so slightly.
"Um… Snails…" The silvery filly asked quietly. "Yesterday, did you mean it when you… um… said I was cute?"
A wide, dopey grin appeared on Snails' face. "Yes ma'am."
Silver Spoon looked left and right a few times to ensure nopony was watching, the suddenly hopped up and gave Snails a quick peck on the cheek before turning tail and scurrying off in the direction Diamond Tiara had gone.
Now it was Snips' turn to burst out laughing. The turquoise colt cracked up as his orange companion stood stark still, blushing madly and staring in the direction Silver Spoon had gone.
Snips might have gone on laughing for much longer if a certain grey pegasus hadn't floated down from the roof of the school and landed next to him a moment later.
"Oh… hello, again," Snips said. "Here for your share of the winnings, right?"
"That's right," said Ditzy. "You promised me half, remember?"
"Yep," Snips said. "So let's see… we gave twenty to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and half goes to you, so that leaves us with…"
"Absolutely nothing," Ditzy finished in a matter of fact tone, picking up the bag containing the remaining bits.
Snips blinked as the realization dawned on him. "Oh yeah…"
"Hopefully, you two have learned a little something about making bets you probably can't win," Ditzy said.
Snips nodded. "I'll say. I'll that effort, and we came out of all this with nothing."
"Not quite nothing," Snails said, holding a hoof to the cheek Silver Spoon had kissed.
Snips laughed. "Whoa, buddy. Don't get ahead of yourself."
Ditzy said goodbye to her two young clients, and with a quick grin and a wave, she launched herself into the sky again.
Breeze in gonna' laugh his flank off at this one, the mare thought as she soared back to headquarters.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dinky Doo and her friend Twist peered out from the schoolhouse window.
"Was that…my mom?" the little grey unicorn asked her friend. "Talking to Snips and Snails?"
"What was she doing out there?" Twist asked.
"I don't know," Dinky said. "But I guess I shouldn't be surprised; mom has been acting strange for the last few months…" She turned to her red-headed friend, determination in her eyes. "…And you know what, Twist? I'm going to find out why."
"Mister Autumn Breeze, please come to my office. I have an assignment for you."
"Looks like the boss needs me," Breeze said. "I'll catch you later, Ditzy. Good luck on your assignment, if you get one today."
He leaned in much closer to the female pegasus. "And… good luck with you know who," he whispered, giving his head a twitch in the direction of a certain blue unicorn, who was ignoring the pegasi and flipping through a magazine as usual.
"I hate being stuck here alone with Glow," Ditzy whispered back.
"Don't let her get under your skin," Breeze replied quietly. "You know she's usually just full of idle threats and empty insults."
Breeze got up and trotted over to the door. "Anyway, see ya'."
"Bye," Ditzy replied, watching her coworker trot down the stairs.
Silence reigned for a few moments. Ditzy slowly made her way back toward the side of the room where she and Breeze had been sitting, as far as possible from Glow, but she could feel the unicorn's gaze upon her. He chanced a glance in her rival's direction.
Glow's violet eyes peered over the top of her magazine. Her gaze met Ditzy's briefly, and the pegasus quickly turned away and instead moved toward the table to search for leftover muffins from the morning.
"Hey Ditzy. Come here a second."
Ditzy tensed at the request. Usually, when Glow addressed her, she'd use an insulting nickname like "walleyes" or "muffin breath." Hearing herself addressed by her real name probably meant Glow had something particularly nasty up her sleeve, which left Ditzy dreading the encounter more than usual.
Ditzy turned to face the lounging unicorn. "Uh… sure. What's up?"
"I think it's time we had a little talk…" Glow said icily, using her magic to fling her magazine into a far corner of the room. "…mare to mare." Glow stood and began walking slowly around her pegasus coworker, like a predator circling its prey.
"I see you've been quite the success lately," Glow said, almost casually. "You fail your assignments even more rarely than I do. If I'm not mistaken, you've only had a hooffull of defeats, and it's been nearly half a year now since you joined our company…"
"Well… yeah," Ditzy agreed. "I don't know why everything seems to go so well for me; I'm just glad it does. It's a lot easier and more fulfilling dealing with a satisfied client afterwards."
"Hmm," Glow hummed. "And what number is your success total up to these days?"
"I dunno," said Ditzy, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. "I haven't been keeping track, but I'm sure Candyfloss has it in his records somewhere… but, why do you ask?"
Glow gave Ditzy a bored look. "You can cut out the act, you know. You're not fooling anypony."
Ditzy blinked in surprise. "Act? What act?"
Glow gave a sarcastic chuckle. "My, you really do play the 'totally innocent' card very well, don't you Ditzy? But somewhere under that moronic expression you're wearing, I can tell you are secretly vying to become the new record holder here at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. The way your success rate has been skyrocketing, you probably consider yourself a shoo-in by now."
"That's what this is about?" Ditzy said loudly, her temper flaring at Glow's accusation. "You think I'm trying to upstage you? I'm just trying to do my job and support my daughter! And I don't exactly control whether or not I succeed at an assignment. I would gladly let you keep the top-employee title if I could. But I'm not going to go purposely failing missions to let you stay ahead; I'd rather help ponies who need my aid than pacify the desires a less-than-genial coworker."
Glow snorted and stamped her hoof. "There you go with that garbage again! Honestly, it's not the fact that somepony like you is actually threatening to beat my record that has me so very frustrated. It's your Celestia-forsaken goody-goody attitude! I simply don't understand how you can be successful when you let yourself get all flustered over the well-being of your client!"
Ditzy smiled smugly. "At first, failing an assignment almost broke me." She admitted. "But then Candyfloss gave me a little pep talk, and I-"
"Stop right there," Glow interjected, silently realizing her chance to turn the speech she had eavesdropped on against Ditzy. "I'm sure the boss gave you the whole 'sincere effort brings sincere ships' speech, didn't he?"
Ditzy was taken aback. "Y…yeah, he did. I wasn't aware he'd told anypony else about that."
Glow laughed darkly. "Are you kidding? That little fabrication of his is just a lie to keep stupid ponies like you from getting discouraged when they fail a shipping job. I see it worked perfectly on you."
"Why should I believe you?" answered Ditzy, undeterred. "I have no reason not to trust Candyfloss; in fact, he's a pretty great boss. You, on the other hoof, haven't given me a single reason to believe anything you say."
"Yes, I suppose that's true," Glow said coolly, turning and walking a few steps away from the pegasus while swishing her tail in a most annoying fashion. "And I could go on letting you live in the little fantasy world old Candyfloss has built for you. But since I'm feeling particularly helpful today, I'll show you proof that I am correct. Proof that has been hovering right under your nose since the day you walked into this place."
"Proof?" Ditzy asked skeptically, still hesitant to believe the malicious unicorn over her seemingly well-meaning boss. "How can you prove that?"
"It's easy," Glow continued. "You've overlooked the biggest piece of evidence against Candyfloss's rule. You've overlooked… me."
"You?"
"Yes!" Glow responded triumphantly. "Clearly, I don't use Candyfloss's advice in matchmaking, because I simply don't have concern for the true well-being of the customer. I use only two tools in my assignments; false politeness, and cold, hard strategy. I calculate the best way to make a pony appealing to another, and act on emphasizing that characteristic, no matter what it is. To me, it's no more intimate than solving a jigsaw puzzle. I enact my strategy, I complete my assignment, I collect my pay, and I leave."
"And so…" she continued, relishing the dawning realization on Ditzy's face. "Surely even a thickheaded mare like you can see what this means. If anything Candyfloss told you was true, then all signs would indicate I would be terrible at my job. And yet… I'm the best. My record is still far higher than anypony else's, including yours." The blue unicorn trotted right up to Ditzy, their faces just inches apart. "While you may want to believe the ramblings of old Candyfloss, you can't overlook the facts. I am the best shipper, and that is impossible if his theories hold true."
Ditzy wasn't sure how to respond. She felt her chest tightening nervously as she struggled to find a loophole in Glow's logic.
"But… but I'm doing just fine with Candyfloss's method…" the pegasus said weakly. "Maybe… you're just an exception…?"
"Afraid not," Glow said with a smirk. "Sure, you do care about your clients. But that doesn't change the fact that your success stems from your strategy alone. And apparently, you're better at strategizing than I would like to admit. But when you do fail, the fault belongs to you, not to fate, and the only way you'll be able to bear that knowledge is to detach yourself emotionally from your client. Somehow, though, I doubt you can do that."
Ditzy had no response. She slowly slumped back onto her haunches, sitting in the middle of the floor in a kind of shocked stupor as Glow continued to wander slowly around her, grinning evilly.
"Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear," the unicorn said quietly. "I am, and always will be, the top employee at this place. No matter how good you've been doing, you shouldn't allow yourself to get any ideas about overtaking my record. It's not going to happen. In fact, if this little discussion we just had bothers you too much… maybe you should just quit now. It would make things easier for both of us."
"But… I need this job," Ditzy mumbled, slinking further away from the haughty unicorn. "I'm finally able to properly support Dinky. I can't go back to being a mailmare… and I don't really have any other special skills…"
Glow laughed darkly. "True. It takes a special kind of employer to want to hire a goofball like you. And your daughter's probably stupider than you are, so it's not like she can support herse-"
Glow barely managed to activate her magic in time to catch the metal serving tray that Ditzy had flung at her from the snack table. She levitated it there as she stared at the pegasus in shock.
"Well… that was rather uncalled for!"
"Uncalled for!" Ditzy was worked into a rage like none she had ever experienced. "You are the one whose actions are uncalled for! You can insult my eyes, my intelligence, and my disposition all you want, but I will NOT tolerate unkind words about my daughter! Now take it back, you overbearing, self-centered mule!"
Glow snarled. "How dare you!" The aura surrounding her horn flared, and the metal serving tray was whipped back in Ditzy's direction at twice the speed it was originally thrown.
At precisely that moment, the door burst open and a yellow streak shot into the room. By some sheer coincidence, its trajectory happened to disrupt the hurled serving plate. There was a loud clang and a sharp cry as Watt tumbled backwards, knocked senseless by the projectile. He crashed into the far wall in an awkward inverted position, his back hooves dangling over his face, before he slumped down fully onto the floor.
"Watt!" said Ditzy in shock, hurrying over to the Earth pony's fallen form. "Watt! Are you okay?"
Watt was still; his eyes were closed.
"Okay, don't panic," Ditzy said aloud. "I'll just go call for some first aid and…"
All of a sudden, Watt's eyes popped open and he jumped right to his hooves as if nothing had happened.
"You should watch where you're throwin' stuff, Cosmo!" he said in his usual rather hyper voice. "One of these days you're gonna' hurt somepony!"
Glow breathed a small sigh of relief that she somehow hadn't hurt Watt. She had actually been planning to catch the tray again with magic before it hit Ditzy, just to give her a scare, but Watt's entrance and collision with the projectile had been unexpected.
"Don't scare us like that, Watt!" Ditzy said. "I thought that thing knocked you out."
Watt snickered. "Come on, now. It was only moving forty of fifty miles an hour. I was going at least twice that, and I run into stuff all the time at that speed."
Ditzy blinked a few times. "You… you're a unique one, Watt."
Watt smiled a toothy grin, before turning to Glow. "So, Cosmo, what's goin-"
Watt's question was cut off by the loud grating sound of the intercom. Candyfloss's voice crackled over the speaker.
"Miss Cosmic Glow, please come to my office for an assignment. Thank you."
Glow got up. "See you two goofballs later," she said. "Watt, try not to run into any other projectiles while I'm gone."
"You're worried about me now?" asked Watt with some confusion. "You throw stuff at me all the time."
"That's true," Glow mumbled as she disappeared down the staircase.
Once she disappeared, Watt turned to Ditzy with a slight frown. "Was Cosmo trying to throw that thing at you?" he asked with some concern.
Ditzy nodded. "We, uh… got into a little argument; I guess we let it get out of hoof."
"Well, don't worry about it," Watt said. "As long as nopony got hurt, then who cares?"
"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Ditzy asked. "That looked pretty painful."
"I'm fine. Really," said Watt. "Another benefit to being an Earth pony. We're built pretty tough!"
"Well, thanks for taking the hit for me," Ditzy said. "Even if it was by accident."
Watt nodded quickly. "No problem!"
Ditzy let Watt go off to do whatever it was Watt did while waiting for an assignment. She slumped down on the couch and tried to take her mind of recent events by continuing the novel she had been reading in her spare time. She found herself unable to pay attention, however; she couldn't stop thinking about Glow.
Could Glow really be right? Could Candyfloss be just a big liar who does whatever helps keep his employees working for him?
If any of this was true, it meant Ditzy was back to square one; failed assignments really were something to get upset about, unless you were an unemotional jerk like Glow. The grey pegasus found herself feeling quite depressed about the whole situation again.
I wish I could talk to Breeze about it, she thought. If he can't tell me who to believe, then nopony can.
The silence was broken as, yet again, the loudspeaker crackled and Candyfloss's voice came forth.
"Ditzy Doo and Kilowatt Hour, I'd like to see you both in my office. Thank you."
Watt jumped up. "Assignments for both of us! Let's go!"
The excitable pony scurried out the door with Ditzy tagging along behind.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The pale unicorn braced himself for the usual commotion. The door flew open with a crash, and the bright earth pony flew in, knocking the chairs askew as he threw his front hooves up on the desk, looking his boss straight in the eye.
"Good afternoon, Watt," said Candyfloss calmly, impervious to his employee's exaggerated antics. "Where's Ditzy Doo?"
"I'm right here," Ditzy said, arriving in the small office. "Sorry, but you can't expect me to get downstairs as fast as Watt does."
"Quite right," Candyfloss admitted, motioning subtly for the Earth pony to get off his desk. Watt finally caught the hint, and returned all four hooves to the floor.
"Now," said Candyfloss. "Today, a most unusual situation is unfurling. A client has contacted me and requested not one, but two shippers be sent to her aid today. She, of course, offered to pay both the full price, so I see no reason not to oblige her wishes."
"Two shippers?" Ditzy repeated. "Why? Does she have a reason?"
Candyfloss produced a somewhat awkward expression and shuffled through his notes for a moment.
"Um… the client claims, and this is her words, not mine… that she will need reinforcements, because only one pony helping her will never be enough to overcome the… imperial army."
Watt's eyes lit up. "I have no idea what that means, but it sounds exciting!"
"Imperial army?" Ditzy asked. "What imperial army? The closest thing Equestria has to a military is the Canterlot royal guard battalion. And even if that is what she's talking about, why would we need to 'overcome' it?"
Candyfloss shook his head. "I'm as confused as you are. The client actually requested my entire staff, but since you and Watt are the only ones not currently on assignment, you're all I could agree to send. But we've never refused a client before without at least visiting them and getting the whole story. So would you two please at least go and see what this is all about? If it turns out to be something illegal then of course you can, and should, decline and return here."
"Yes sir!" Watt cried, saluting his boss. "Where are we headed?"
Candyfloss glanced as his notes again. "A bakery in Ponyville. The place is called 'Sugarcube Corner'."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Why are you so slow?"
"I think the better question," Ditzy replied to her overzealous coworker, "Is why are you so fast?"
Watt was vibrating in place as he stood up the road a few meters, waiting for the pegasus to catch up. Ditzy swore she could hear a humming sound emanating from him, roughly akin to that given off by high-voltage telephone wires.
"Can't you just fly there?" Watt whined. "I could have been there ten minutes ago if I wasn't waiting for you."
"I'm sure you could have," Ditzy chuckled. "But what's the rush? It's a beautiful day, and I needed a relaxing trot to clear my head. I haven't exactly been having the best day."
"But aren't you interested to find out what this weird client wants us to do?" Watt asked, trotting in place as if he were warming up for a sprint. "I mean, what do you think this imperial army is all about?"
"I don't know," Ditzy admitted. "But wouldn't you rather have a simple mission? A job description like this one fills me with concern, rather than interest."
"But that's no fun!" Watt announced. "Even a job like ours can get mundane after a while. I think it's about time we get something over-the-top to do!"
"Well, it's time to find out for sure," Ditzy replied. "We're here."
The two ponies stood in front of Ponyville's premier bakery, the giant mock-gingerbread house known as Sugarcube Corner. Ditzy entered the whimsical-looking building, with Watt following close behind.
Immediately, a torrent of pleasant aromas assaulted Ditzy's nose. Beneath the glass of the display cases rested the widest assortment of baked goods to be found anywhere in Ponyville. Fresh, hot apple pies and sweet cupcakes with colorful icing sat cooling on the counters. A huge barrel was filled to the brim with assorted candies, and a wooden rack held a bright display of giant lollipops. A sense of cheerfulness pervaded the entire establishment, causing even Ditzy's frayed nerves to be relaxed somewhat.
Watt licked his lips. "Hey Ditzy, before we go, we should totally grab a treat for the road."
The thought of Watt on a sugar rush caused the mare to twitch slightly; instead of responding to the earth pony, she trotted up to the counter and rang the service bell.
A light blue earth pony with a wavy pink mane emerged from the kitchen and spotted the two customers. "Oh hello, Ditzy Doo!" she greeted. "I haven't seen you here in quite a while! Are you here for a batch of muffins? Or maybe just ingredients for them?"
"Hello, Mrs. Cake," said Ditzy. "I'm actually not here for muffins today. My coworker and I came to respond to a call made to Equestria Speedy Shipping Services."
"Equestria who now?" Mrs. Cake asked with a giggle. "I've never heard of it. Maybe Pinkie Pie made the call; she's been up in her room since around lunchtime."
"Mind if we go see her?"
"Of course not," responded Mrs. Cake. "Just head up the stairs; her room is the first on the left."
"Gotcha!" said Watt, shooting up the stairs in a matter of seconds. Mrs. Cake didn't seem particularly surprised by his almost supernaturally-fast movements, but then again, she did live with Pinkie Pie.
Ditzy trotted up the stairs as Watt rapped on the door; a series of short, speedy knocks that reminded Ditzy of a woodpecker pecking at a tree.
"Come in!" a high voice sang from inside.
Watt pushed the door open and the two matchmakers made their way into Pinkie Pie's room. The party pony hopped over to greet them.
"Hey, it's you!" Pinkie said to Ditzy. "I told you I'd see you in Chapter Seven! And I see those readers are still following you around!"
"Those what?" Ditzy asked. Pinkie wasn't paying attention, however. She was waving at the readers again.
Watt's eyes went wide. "Wait… you can see them too?"
"Well, duh," Pinkie chirped. "They're right there! On the other side of the fourth wall!"
"I know," said Watt. "But I always assumed they were a product of my warped imagination combined with some concussive head trauma from Glow always hitting me."
Ditzy looked in the direction the other ponies were indicating, but saw only a blank paneled wall. She fought the urge to turn tail and leave the room right then, instead opting to try to get her friend and her client back on topic.
"Pinkie Pie," she said quickly. "By any chance, did you contact Equestria Speedy Shipping Services today?"
"Ooh, yes!" Pinkie squealed. "I almost entirely forgot about that! It's super important too, so it's a good thing you reminded me!"
"Okay then," said Ditzy, relieved to have gotten back on track. "So, who is it you're interested in? And what in Equestria does it have to do with an imperial army?"
Pinkie giggled. "Oh Ditzy Doo, you silly pony. I'm not the one who needs relationship help. I actually called on behalf of a good friend of mine." She swiveled in place, and jerked her hoof toward the corner of the room. "He's right over there!"
Ditzy turned to look in the direction Pinkie indicated, and was dismayed to discover that, once again, nopony was there. However, this time, Watt appeared equally confused, which was some consolation, albeit a small amount.
"I'm sorry," said Ditzy finally, trying hard to mask the slight irritation in her voice. "It might just be my bad eyes, but I don't see anypony there. Who are you talking about."
"He's right there!" Pinkie Pie insisted. "Sitting on the stool."
Ditzy looked at the stool. There was no pony, or for that matter any living creature, upon it. The only thing on it was a rather appallingly large ball of dust.
"The ball of dust?" asked Ditzy very slowly, not sure what to make of it.
"Yes, the ball of dust!" Pinkie screeched, as if it was plain as day what she was talking about. "This ball of dust is my dear friend, Sir Lintsalot! And he has found himself in a romantic predicament of fantastic proportions!"
There was a long, long silence. Ditzy stared, dumbfounded, at the clearly delusional pink pony, who simply stared right back with a disturbingly large smile on her face.
"Let me get this straight," she said finally. "You called our company and had Watt and I come rushing over here to help your ball of lint find love?"
Pinkie nodded fiercely. "I'll need all the help I can get if I want to regain my sweetheart," she said in an obnoxious accent.
Ditzy was momentarily confused, but then realized that Pinkie had moved the lint ball around with her hoof a bit as she spoke in the unusual voice.
She's speaking as the lint ball? Does this pony have any grip on reality at all?
"Oh, you talk!" Watt cried, excitedly. "That will make things much easier for us." He scrambled up to the stool where Sir Lintsalot rested, and sat down in front of it, like a colt eager to be told a story by his mother. "Oh, Sir Lintsalot, please tell us your tale of heartbreak."
"You have got to be kidding," Ditzy mumbled under her breath as she too plopped down to let Pinkie tell a story in the bizarre voice of Sir Lintsalot.
"You see…" Pinkie began, moving her mouth as little as possible and waggling Sir Lintsalot around for extra emphasis. "I am in love with the most beautiful woman in my homeland. Her luscious form is matched only by her sweet and generous personality. She is my ultimate love; she is the very reason for which I live! She is the beautiful and gracious… Madame Le'Flour!"
"Madame Le'Flour's a flour sack," Pinkie added in her normal voice. "And not a half bad looking one at that."
Ditzy placed her head in her front hooves in exasperation.
"And yet…" Sir Lintsalot continued. "The apple of my eye cannot be mine! Alas, she is the princess of a kingdom that wars with my own! And while she and I are madly in love, her father, the vile tyrant known as King Turnip, guards his daughter as his most precious possession. If I were to set foot into his kingdom, his army would surely strive to slay me and my allies immediately. But I can let nothing come between me and Madame Le'Flour! I need a group of brave heroes to help me delve into enemy territory and whisk my princess away from her evil father!"
"And that's where you two come in!" Pinkie finished.
Ditzy opened her mouth to tell Pinkie, (as nicely as possible) that she was utterly insane and no self-respecting pony would possibly engage in such a ridiculous fantasy adventure. But Watt cut her off.
"What… what a touching story!" The yellow Earth pony bawled. "Of course we'll help you, Sir Lintsalot! It's our duty to put our lives on the line to bring about true love!"
"Oh, thank you, brave heroes!" Sir Lintsalot cried. "For your aid on this noble quest I am most grateful!"
"Wait!" Ditzy interjected. "Watt, it's not our duty to put our lives at stake for this job. And besides, there's no job to do, because our client is just a ball of-"
A realization suddenly caught up with Ditzy. Sir Lintsalot and Watt had just exchanged a few sentences… yet Pinkie Pie had wandered away, and appeared to be busy packing a suitcase for the impending "quest." But if Pinkie was over there, then that meant…"
"The… the lint…" Ditzy stammered, swaying in place when the magnitude of the realization struck her. "It… it's talking…"
"…yeah," said Watt. "So?"
"No," Ditzy continued. "Now it's talking on its own."
"I'd prefer to be addressed as a he, rather than an it." Sir Lintsalot said indignantly.
"He's alive!" Ditzy cried out in fear. She jumped to her feet and scrambled to the bedroom door, yanking it open and fleeing into the hallway.
Only, she didn't find herself in the cozy second-story hallway of Sugarcube Corner. Instead, she found herself surrounded by intimidating dark stones, rough cut into huge blocks that formed a hallway reminiscent of a medieval castle.
"Where am I? What's going on!?" Ditzy screamed, her voice echoing through the huge passageway.
"We're in my castle, of course," came the strange voice of Sir Lintsalot. Ditzy turned back around to face her companions. Watt, Pinkie Pie, and Sir Lintsalot now stood in the passageway as well. Any sign of a door leading to Pinkie Pie's bedroom, the last shred of anything still linking Ditzy to Ponyville and the reality she was familiar with, had vanished completely, replaced by cold, grey stone.
Watt watched with concern, and Pinkie with casual interest, as Ditzy took off, flying full speed down the corridor, screaming incoherent things about reality's borders being broken.
"Well, that's no good," said Pinkie in a matter-of-fact sort of way once the echoes of the pegasus' screams disappeared along with her. "We're gonna' need her help too if we want to save Madame Le'Flour." She looked at Watt. "Hey, mister… uh…"
"Kilowatt Hour." Watt finally introduced himself. "You can just call me Watt."
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" Pinkie chirped. "Watt, would you please go and try to find Ditzy and convince her to come along, while Sir Lintsalot and I go get ready to depart?"
"Of course!" said Watt, punctuating the answer with his usual salute. "Or should I say… okey-dokey-lokey!"
Pinkie erupted in a fit of giggles. "You catch on fast!"
Still giggling, Pinkie grabbed Sir Lintsalot and the two of them made for the castle's entrance, while Watt set out in search of Ditzy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "This is just a dream… I'm not really here… There is no Medieval castle, and there's no talking ball of lint… I'm just in my bed, at home at my cottage, having a very realistic nightmare…"
Ditzy Doo was curled up into a ball in a small, pitch dark closet somewhere in the depths of the castle, shivering and repeating her denials of her situation again and again. After a few minutes, the door opened a crack, and Watt's familiar form appeared.
"There you are, Ditzy," Watt said, relieved. "Come on, we have to help Pinkie and Sir Lintsalot."
Ditzy stared silently at Watt, her eyes fully focused for once.
"Watt," she said quietly. "I'm not sure you understand the gravity of our situation. We have somehow been transported out of Ponyville, and probably out of the whole of Equestria for that matter. We're about to go risk our lives to help a sentient ball of lint rescue his beloved sack of flour from something called, "King Turnip."
"Well, yeah," said Watt. "That's the assignment, I think."
"And… you don't care that the laws of reality have been yanked out from underneath our hooves?" Ditzy asked.
Watt smiled. "Ditzy, let me share with you a little piece of Watt wisdom. To be honest, I'm as confused as you are about what going on right now. But Pinkie Pie doesn't seem concerned; I'm sure we'll be going back to Ponyville when this is all over. So I don't see this strange situation we've found ourselves in as a reason to panic; I see it as our one chance to experience something we'll never get to try again. Maybe that's just my ever-positive attitude talking, but I have a hunch about this whole thing. I've got this feeling that the more bizarre stuff we just take-in-stride instead of freaking out at it, the more smoothly this whole adventure is going to go."
"How do you know that?" Ditzy asked, getting to her hooves.
Watt shrugged. "I don't! But I'm not gonna' worry about it. I'm gonna' go out there and treat this like any other assignment, and before you know it, there will be love between that ball of lint and that sack of flour, and we'll be back in Sugarcube corner, drinking hot cocoa and laughing about this whole thing."
For the first time since arriving in this strange place, Ditzy smiled. "…alright Watt, I'll give it a try. Just make sure you stick with me; I'm going to need your help."
"We're going to need each other's help on this one, I think," Watt said. "Just remember, anytime something new happens that doesn't make sense, just adjust your logic accordingly and respond in whatever way makes sense based on that new logic; if we do that, we can't go wrong!"
"I guess you're right," Ditzy said with more confidence. "A crazy adventure might be just what I need to get my mind off the incident with Glow anyway. C'mon, let's go find Pinkie Pie."
Ditzy and Watt trotted through the large stone hallways until they finally reached the front gates of the castle. Both were amazed to see the landscape surrounding them.
The castle sat in the middle of a wide, flat, barren moor, stretching in every direction as far as the eye could see. The ground was barren, and the sky overcast. The whole land had a rather depressing feel to it.
"Welcome to my country," came the voice of Sir Lintsalot, who was standing with Pinkie Pie near the castle gates. "This is Inanima, the place where objects considered 'inanimate' in your country rule over the land. It used to be a serene and beautiful place, but the corruption of King Turnip had choked the life out of the land, leaving this barren place."
"I'll say," said Pinkie Pie. "This place is looking worse every time I come here, Sir Lintsalot. We really have to do something about that."
"Well then, let us begin our quest!" The lint ball announced.
"Wait, we have one small matter to take care of first," Ditzy interjected. "We're a hired service. How much will we be paid for this?"
"Oh yeah!" Watt added. "I totally forgot to ask about that!"
Sir Lintsalot laughed. "I am an important noble in this kingdom, and I am very rich. I can gladly pay each of you one-thousand of your Equestrian bits for your service."
Ditzy's jaw dropped. "A thousand bits? That might almost make this worth it."
"Quite," Sir Lintsalot agreed. "Pinkie Pie, is our mode of transportation here yet?"
Before Pinkie could answer, the ground began to rumble rhythmically; it sounded like giant footsteps were approaching.
"That would be him now!" Pinkie squeaked.
A gargantuan creature rounded the corner of the castle; Ditzy could think of no word to describe it, other than 'dinosaur.' The huge reptilian creature stopped in front of the ponies and stared down at Pinkie Pie with its huge, unintelligent-looking purple eyes.
"Hi Gummy!" Pinkie greeted. "Ready to carry my friends and me for awhile?"
Gummy responded with some sort of gurgling noise, opening his mouth to reveal his complete lack of teeth.
Pinkie grinned back and turned to the rest of her team. Ditzy was trying as hard as she could to take Watt's advice and accept the arrival of a thirty-foot tall toothless alligator as just another average occurrence.
"Guys, this is Gummy," Pinkie Pie said. "Normally, he's a little smaller, but for some reason, when he comes to Inanima, he gets really big! Maybe crossing the dimensional boundary has that affect on alligators, or something."
Pinkie shrugged it off. "Anyways, Gummy will be carrying us, since King Turnip's castle is like, twenty miles away. It would take forever on foot."
Gummy lowered his large head, and Pinkie hopped up his snout and planted herself firmly in the middle of his back. "Well, come on!" she called. "I need to be back in Ponyville in time for dinner, so let's get going!"
Watt glanced at Ditzy for a second, then turned and trotted up Gummy's ramp-like snout to the top. Sir Lintsalot bounced on up as well. Ditzy, not comfortable with walking on a giant reptile's face, opted to fly up instead. Once everypony was aboard, Gummy began to walk out onto the grayish plains.
"Now," said Pinkie Pie. "Once we leave the territory of Sir Lintsalot's kingdom, this is going to get a lot more dangerous, so let's talk strategy while we ride."
"I don't know anything about fighting," Ditzy pointed out hurriedly. "Maybe when we get there I could stay back and make sure nopony… uh… hijacks the gator while we're gone."
Pinkie laughed. "Silly Ditzy! No one can hijack Gummy without the keys! And I have them right here!" She held up the small key ring and jangled it a few times.
Ditzy had no desire to know how an alligator could have keys, so she remained silent and simply nodded.
"Anyway," Pinkie Pie continued. "Since your company only had the two of you to send, we're still a little too short on reinforcements to defeat the king's imperial army. That's why we're going to make a stop on the way there and pick somepony up. He's the most powerful and deadly mercenary in all of Inanima!"
Sir Lintsalot gasped. "Pinkie Pie! Surely you, don't mean… him!?"
"I do mean him. And don't call me Shirley." Pinkie said, barely able to contain her giggles after making the blatant movie reference.
"But are you sure we can trust him?" Sir Lintsalot said nervously. "I mean… he's not exactly the type one would sit down to dinner with…"
"Yeah, but he owes me," said Pinkie, narrowing her eyes. "He'll help us. He swore he would."
Ditzy and Watt exchanged unsure glances again.
"There!" Pinkie cried, pointing. "That looks like a good place to ask around about… his whereabouts."
The building Pinkie Pie had indicated was a decrepit looking tavern on the roadside. Gummy walked up next to it and stopped, lowering his snout once again for the ponies and Sir Lintsalot to disembark. Pinkie Pie led the group through the swinging doors and into the tavern.
The building was rather dark and cramped. The few lights that there were flickered weakly, and booths and tables limited walking space. But what startled Ditzy the most was that the tavern was packed with patrons… all of whom were inanimate objects.
Pinkie Pie, totally unfazed by the unfamiliar surroundings, bounced through the room and seated herself at a swiveling stool at the bar. Cautiously, Ditzy, Watt, and Sir Lintsalot followed.
The bartender, a surly looking refrigerator, lumbered over to the four new customers. "What'll it be?" he asked in a grating voice.
"The usual! On the rocks!" Pinkie announced.
The usual? Ditzy thought. She's been here before?
The refrigerator turned to Watt. "And you?"
"I'll have what she's having!" Watt announced, looking rather excited about the whole thing.
"And I'll have your finest wine, good sir," Sir Lintsalot added.
"What about you, then?" The bartender asked, turning at last to the pegasus.
Ditzy, who had been busy processing how a refrigerator could in fact look 'surly', was caught by surprise by the question. "Uh… just w-water…"
"Aw, come on!" Watt called from two seats down. "You gotta live a little, Ditzy!" He turned back to the bartender. "Bring her what we're getting, too. I'm buying."
Ditzy winced as the bartender lumbered away to fill the drinks. "Watt, what did you do that for? I'm not really a big alcohol fan…"
"Oh, you'll like this though!" Pinkie Pie said. "Everypony likes this little concoction."
Five glasses came sliding down the long table to the group. Three were the mystery beverage the ponies had ordered, along with Lintsalot's glass of wine, and Ditzy's water. Pinkie Pie snatched her glass up and drained it in a few gulps. She sent her cup sliding down to the bartender, motioning for a refill.
"Alright," Pinkie said. "I'm going to go use the little filly's room, and then we can get started asking around about… him." The pink pony smiled giddily and hopped off to the restrooms.
Ditzy scrutinized the beverage in front of her. It smelled vaguely sweet, and the aromatic twinge of alcohol was clearly present as well. She steeled herself and took a hesitant sip. Surprisingly, the drink was refreshing and rather tasty, but Ditzy refrained from consuming more until she had questioned Pinkie thoroughly about the drink's alcohol level.
Watt, on the other hand, had drained the majority of his glass. "Good stuff, eh Ditzy?" he asked with a grin.
"Yeah," Ditzy responded. "Not bad, I guess."
"See?" said Watt. "Nothing bad is gonna' happen. We'll just enjoy a quick drink and then we can get back to our-"
Watt was cut off as the tavern doors slammed open, immediately silencing all conversation. Standing in the doorway was a little pile of rocks of varying sizes. The other objects in the seating area shied away as the newcomer approached the bar.
"That's him!" Sir Lintsalot whispered in terror. "That's the mercenary miss Pinkie wishes to enlist. That's… Rocky!"
Rocky hopped up onto the stool to the right of the one Pinkie Pie would be occupying, had she been present at the moment. He ordered something from the bartender, and sat silently. The conversation in the rest of the room slowly began to return.
Rocky rotated counterclockwise; in other words, he turned to look at Watt, who was separated from him only by Pinkie's empty seat.
"A pony, huh?" Rocky rasped in a deep voice. "Can't say we see too many of you around these parts. What are y'all doin' here, anyway?"
"I-I-I…" Watt stammered. "Well, I'm not…"
"Stop being so wishy-washy, son," Rocky said, more loudly.
"Well, I'm not sure if I can really explain," Watt continued. "Our friend is probably more qualified to…"
"Dang it, boy!" Rocky roared, jumping up onto the bar counter. "Whaddya' think you're up to? Do you know who yer' talking to? When Rocky asks a question, Rocky expects to get an answer!"
"Sorry!" Watt squeaked, shrinking back from the pile of rocks.
"You're gonna be!" Rocky said. "I'm gonna teach you why you don't go tryin' to pull one over on-"
"Rocky?" asked a high-pitched voice.
Everypony turned to the source of the sound. Pinkie Pie had emerged from the restrooms and was grinning at the rough-and-tumble pile of stones.
"Well, butter my biscuits and call me Delilah!" Rocky announced. "It it ain't ol' Pinkie Pie! I thought I recognized that old gator in the parkin' lot!"
"Hiya, Rocky!" said Pinkie gleefully. "My friends and I were just looking for you!"
"Friends? You mean these guys?" Rocky asked.
"Yes," Sir Lintsalot chimed in. "Please don't hurt us."
Rocky guffawed. "Don't you go all chicken on me, now. Any friend of Pinkie Pie's in a friend of mine."
"That's a relief," Ditzy breathed. "In that case, nice to meet you, Rocky."
"Pleasure," Rocky grunted.
"Now, about the reason we were looking for you," Pinkie said. "You owe me a huge favor, remember?"
"Uh… I don't really recall any-"
Pinkie narrowed her eyes. "Rocky…"
"Alright, alright, yeah," Rocky admitted. "What did you have in mind."
"I'd rather not discuss it in mixed company," Pinkie whispered under her breath. "Come on out with us, and we'll talk aboard Gummy."
"Sounds good," Rocky agreed. "Meet you fellas outside then."
Rocky hopped down from the stool. "Yo, put the drink on my tab!" He called to the bartender. "Heck, put all their drinks on my tab while you're at it."
The bartender nodded, which was an awkward movement for a refrigerator.
Pinkie grabbed her second drink and once again drained it in a few gulps. "Alright guys," she sang. "Finish your drinks and come on, we've gotta' get moving."
Watt sipped the last of his beverage and stood up to leave. Ditzy made to follow him.
"Hey, wait, you didn't finish your drink!" Watt observed.
"I don't want it," said Ditzy. "I hardly ever drink; I get tipsy too easily."
Watt darted to the counter and grabbed the drink. Using his near impossible speed, he darted over to Ditzy, and before she could react, pulled her head back by the mane and dumped the remainder of the drink into her mouth.
"There," said the earth pony as Ditzy coughed and sputtered, having inhaled a fair portion of the drink in her state of surprise. "Maybe now you'll lighten up a little bit for the rest of the trip."
Ditzy just glared at her companion as he trotted out of the bar, grinning ear to ear. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Gummy stomped along the barren plains, now with three ponies, a ball of lint, and a stack of rocks riding on his back.
"You want to do what!?" Rocky roared.
"We need to invade King Turnip's castle!" Pinkie Pie insisted. "It's the only way we'll be able to unite Sir Lintsalot and Madame Le'Flour!"
"You gotta' be kiddin' me!" Rocky proclaimed. "We'd need an army to go up against the king!"
"That's why we have you!" Pinkie said. "You're the greatest mercenary in this whole country! If anypony can stand up to the king's forces, it's you!"
"Shoot, girl, yer' makin' me blush," Rocky said, despite the fact that that was quite impossible. "But I still can't take all the king's forces alone."
"That's why I brought these two to help us," Pinkie squeaked, motioning to Ditzy and Watt.
Watt grinned at Rocky in his usual manner. Ditzy, who was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, just hiccupped.
"Yeah," said Rocky sarcastically. "Real top-notch looking team you got there."
Ditzy wanted to remind Pinkie Pie that she and Watt were professionals in forming relationships between ponies, not fighting an evil army, but her mind was too clouded by alcohol to properly form the thought.
Another long half-hour passed. Gummy's footsteps rumbled rhythmically as the giant alligator approached the castle of the evil king. Everypony aboard waited tensely.
"This is very strange," Sir Lintsalot said after a while. "We've certainly passed over the border into King Turnip's territory by now, yet we haven't seen any resistance. I hope we aren't walking into some sort of trap."
"Well, we're about to find out," Pinkie chirped. "We're here."
"Well, boil my broccoli and call me Miriam!" Rocky exclaimed. "Look at the size of that place!"
A huge, foreboding castle, far bigger than Sir Lintsalot's, loomed in front of the group of heroes. A small squadron of guards, which once again were a variety of objects, marched in front of the main gate.
"We have to get inside quickly and challenge the king," Sir Lintsalot said. "We can't expend all our energy fighting the gate guards."
"Why don't we just have Gummy charge through the front gates?" Watt asked. "That should get us to the throne room pretty quickly."
"That'sh a fantashtic (hic) idea," Ditzy slurred. "It'sh a good thing you didn't (hic) get me drunk, Watt, or I wouldn't be mush (hic)… much help in the fighting…" Ditzy teetered a bit and had to step sideways a few times to keep her balance.
Still amused by his friend's alcohol intolerance, Watt tried his best to hide his giggling. "Yeah, that's true Ditzy. Lucky for us, you're still totally sober." Watt and Pinkie exchanged mischievous grins.
"Well let's do this thing already!" Rocky yelled. "Charge!"
Gummy emitted a loud sound that was a mixture of a gurgle and a squawk, and began running full speed toward the castle. The guards cried out and raised their weapons, but all were easily bowled over by the sheer force of the gigantic reptile's charging bulk. The great metal gates were bashed open, and Gummy finally came to a stop in front of the doors to the castle interior, which were too small for him to fit through.
"Please do not exit until the alligator has come to a complete stop," Pinkie said. "Thank you for riding with Gummy."
The ponies hopped down from the alligator's back, (with the exception of Ditzy, who simply toppled off the side, barely managing to prevent a painful fall with her wings). Once Rocky and Sir Lintsalot had disembarked as well, the team ran forward and pushed open the huge wooden doors.
The grand hall of the castle was a massive chamber. Dozens of tapestries with the kingdom's symbol dangled from the ceiling, and a long red carpet led all the way up to the throne, upon which was seated a simple bucket, full of turnips and topped with a golden crown.
"Who dares barge into my throne room uninvited!?" the king demanded.
"It it I," Sir Lintsalot said, stepping forward. "I have come for your blessed daughter. Hand her over, you wicked scoundrel!"
The king laughed evilly. "My dear Le'Flour is far too good for the likes of you! But since you have the gall to enter my castle and demand her, I shall not let you escape!"
King Turnip whistled, and suddenly, another squadron of buckets dropped in from the ceiling. Each one held a different type of vegetable inside, and all wore black cloths around them like bandanas.
"Ninjas!" Rocky bellowed. "Dang it, why's it always gotta' be ninjas!"
"Do you surrender?" the king asked.
"Heck no!" Rocky cried, drawing a sword despite the fact that he had no limbs. "Hey you! The yellow guy! Help me out here!"
Rocky tossed another sword through the air. Watt caught the hilt in his teeth.
"Pinkie! And Lint boy!" Rocky continued, more quietly. "Try to find a way around the action, and see if you two can take out the king."
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" Pinkie responded, tossing Lintsalot onto her back.
"And you! The mare with the wings!" Rocky said finally. "You're too hammered to fight. Go and find the princess!"
"I told you, I'm (hic) not drunk!" Ditzy burbled. "I'm perfectly sh… shober!"
"Well somepony's gotta' do it!" Rocky replied testily. "Stick to the plan or we'll all get killed here!"
"Enough of this foolishness!" King Turnip bellowed. "Attack!"
Ditzy, Pinkie Pie, and Sir Lintsalot darted into one of the many small hallways, leaving Rocky and Watt to fend off the ninjas.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ditzy trotted down yet another quiet hallway lined with torches and intimidating suits of armor. It felt like the whole castle was rotating slowly; the pegasus repeatedly stumbled and had to carefully regain her footing.
Who am I kidding? The inebriated mare thought to herself. They're right; I'm about as drunk as I can be. And combining that with my already lousy vision does not make getting around a simple task. Watt had the same drink I had, and Pinkie Pie had twice as much, and yet both of them are perfectly alert.
Cursing her severe intolerance for alcohol, the grey mare continued to search chamber after chamber in the seemingly deserted castle for signs of the princess. Eventually, she lost her footing again on a crease in the rug, and tumbled sideways through a small door, winding up sprawled on a plush carpet.
Something within the room gave a small gasp. Ditzy looked up, trying to focus her very blurry vision on the source.
"Who are you?" came a female voice with a very heavy French accent. Ditzy's eyes, (or at least one of them) finally came to rest on a large brown sack, with a tiny gold crown perched atop it.
"Are you… Madame Le'Flour?" the pegasus asked weakly.
"Oui, I am," the sack responded.
"My friend (hic) Shir Lintshalot has come looking for you." Ditzy slurred. "He and the resht of my friends are in the throne room, fighting (hic) fighting your father's guards."
Madame Le' Flour gasped once again. "My dear, brave Sir Lintsalot! Quickly, you must take me to him!"
The princess leapt atop Ditzy's back. She was a lot of extra weight, and the mare was having enough trouble walking as it was.
"Oh, this is gonna' be fun…" Ditzy mumbled sarcastically as she staggered out the door.
Rocky was impressed with Watt's skills; the earth pony was so fast that most of the time, he had struck the ninja buckets before they ever saw him coming. Rocky had fantastic warrior skills as well; the little pile of rocks jumped around, swinging his sword furiously. Even when the ninjas ganged up in groups of four of five, Rocky would quickly cut them down. Together, the pony and the stack of rocks were proving to be an equal match for the enemy forces.
Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie and Sir Lintsalot appeared on a second floor balcony, located just above the king's throne.
"Listen closely, Pinkie," Sir Lintsalot whispered. "The only way to save Inanima from the king's tyranny is to defeat him right now. We just have to jump down there, and slay him before the ninjas notice us."
"Uh, I think it may be a little late for that," Pinkie Pie pointed out.
Somehow, a gang of ninjas had appeared from the shadows, trapping Pinkie Pie and her linty friend on the second floor balcony.
"Caught!" Sir Lintsalot wailed. "Oh, woe! We were so close!"
"We're not done yet!" Pinkie Pie announced, reaching into her saddlebag and removing a small, round device.
"What's that?" Lintsalot asked.
"A tiny, colorful explosive," Pinkie Pie explained. "For light shows at parties!"
"You're not going to-"
"Hang on to something!" Pinkie Pie cried, cutting him off. She hurled the explosive to the floor between herself and the ninjas.
Watt, Rocky, and the King were startled by the sudden flash of light and loud bang, and even more surprised when an upper balcony suddenly crumbled, dropping a slightly charred Pinkie Pie right at the base of the throne.
The King reacted faster than anypony could have guessed. In a flash, he was holding some strange, deadly looking weapon, pulsing with electricity, right at Pinkie Pie's chest. The earth pony held perfectly still, staring fearfully at the evil tyrant. Everyone in the room stopped battling and watched in shock.
"Finally," the king mused. "I would have settled for defeating the invaders, but the chance to personally kill Pinkie Pie…well, that's a blessing I wasn't counting on!"
The king laughed maniacally for a few moments. "This world, born of your twisted imagination, is at last about to become mine! I have corrupted the land, draining the joy from its endless fields, and now, at last, I can make it permanent! With you gone, I will be the new god of Inanima!"
"Well burn my britches and call me Annabelle!" Rocky gasped. "The king's gonna' kill ol' Pinkie!"
Pinkie Pie's pupils dilated as King Turnip lunged forward, his electrified weapon aiming for the defenseless pony's heart.
"Pinkie Pie!!"
No one saw Watt move; not even a streak of yellow indicated his mad dash. Yet somehow, he was between the King and Pinkie. He grabbed the King in one hoof, and the weapon in the other, effectively creating a circuit with his body. Electricity surged through him and in to the king, who screamed as the sound of roasting turnips filled the air.
Watt hurled the weapon aside. Shaking from the powerful dose of electricity, but undeterred, he lifted the dazed Pinkie Pie and carried her down from the throne.
"Argh!" The injured king wailed. "How dare you! Ninjas, finish them off!"
The ninjas once again started to advance, but stopped once more as yet another pony dropped down from a higher level of the castle next to the king.
"I think I've had (hic) about enough of thish madness for one (hic) day," Ditzy announced. She unceremoniously flicked her hoof, knocking over the bucket and spilling the turnips.
"Noooooooo!" The King wailed with his dying breath. "Curse you ponies! Curse you!"
Everyone stared at the dead king for few seconds. Then, a voice cried out in the silence.
"Madame Le'Flour!"
The sack of flour leapt from Ditzy's back. "Oh! Sir Lintsalot!"
The two love struck objects ran toward each other, leaping into one another's embrace.
…
Ditzy blinked a few times. Something was different. But what?
For one thing, she felt perfectly alert. It was as if she'd sobered up instantaneously. Looking around, she noticed similar negative effects on her friends had also been cured. Pinkie was no longer scorched, and Watt no longer was struggling to control the excess electricity surging through him.
The three ponies looked at Madame Le'Flour and Sir Lintsalot. Or, more accurately, a sack of flour, with a ball of lint sitting on top of it. Their motion was gone; they were simple inanimate objects again.
It suddenly occurred to the pegasus why her surroundings seemed so different. She was no longer in a huge stone hall, but rather, a warm, wood paneled room. Pinkie's room, in Sugarcube Corner.
"Huh?" was all the mare could manage to squeak out.
"That… was… awesome!" Watt screamed. "Best assignment of all time!"
"I know!" Pinkie Pie giggled. "I haven't had an adventure that epic for… for at least a whole month!"
Pinkie Pie turned to Ditzy and frowned; the pegasus was twitching a bit as she struggled to comprehend what had happened.
"So…so…so wait," Ditzy murmured. "None of that really… happened?"
"Of course it happened!" Pinkie Pie squealed. "Look, Madame Le'Flour and Sir Lintsalot are together now! And the king is dead, see?"
She jerked her hoof in the direction of the bucket, which lay on its side on the floor, the turnips spread lazily around it. Gummy, who was now barely a foot long, stepped over and attempted to eat one.
"So… if it was all real, why are your… friends unable to talk and move again?"
"They can still talk!" Pinkie declared. She ran over and set her hoof on Rocky. "Well, bang my bongos and call me Martha!" She said in a Rocky-esque accent. "The pony's talkin' crazy again."
Ditzy stared at Pinkie and the clearly nonliving pile of rocks for several seconds. "Can I just… get my pay and go, please? It's been a very, very long day."
"Sure!" Pinkie Pie chirped. "It's over there."
Two large bags sat on the stool where Sir Lintsalot had initially been sitting. Each looked easily big enough to contain the promised one-thousand bits.
Ditzy grabbed the bag and placed it in her saddlebag. "Thank you," she said. "Um, and that was… fun, I guess."
Ditzy trotted out the door, but stopped when she heard Pinkie speak again. She paused outside the doorway to listen.
"So, uh, Watt…" Pinkie began sheepishly. "Thanks for, you know, saving my life and all…"
"Oh, no problem!" Watt replied with his usual vigor. "That electric blast would probably have killed most ponies. If I hadn't redirected some of it into the king, it would have gotten bad."
"Well, thanks again," Pinkie said. "Inanima is tied to my life, since, you know, I somehow created it. I'm still not sure how that happened. Anyway, now that the evil king is dead, it should begin to turn bright and green again!"
"That's great!" Watt replied. "I hope your friends are happy that they're finally together."
"Oh, I'm sure they are," Pinkie squeaked.
There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.
"Well," Watt said. "I better get going. It's getting late."
"Unless," said Pinkie Pie, "You want to go out to dinner or something?"
"…Like… on a date?" Watt asked.
Pinkie giggled. "Well, I guess that's one way of putting it…"
Watt laughed along with the pink pony. "Sure! Let's go!"
Ditzy chuckled to herself as she trotted out of Sugarcube Corner. Well, how about that, she thought to herself. Sir Lintsalot and Madame Le'Flour weren't the only ones with a budding romance today!
The pegasus smiled as she heard the sound of her large pay jingling in her saddlebag. I think I better go treat myself to a nice dinner too, after a day like that.
Still smiling, Ditzy trotted up the dimly lit street, wondering how in Equestria she was going to explain today's adventure to Breeze.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Well, bake my Bundt cake and call me Suzy!" Rocky proclaimed. "That was a dang lengthy chapter right there!"
"Wow, you're right," said Pinkie, staring up to the top of the twenty-six vertically arranged pages. "But it was a lot of fun though." She turned to Rocky. "We should really stop breaking the forth wall, by the way. If we put too many holes in it, the whole chapter will come crashing down in a meaningless pile."
"Don't want that," Rocky admitted. "Well, then I guess I should say, 'goodnight everypony'!"
"Yeah, goodnight!" Pinkie agreed, before skipping off for her date with Watt.
Dinky Doo trotted back and forth in front of Twist, like a military sergeant addressing a private.
"Alright, Twist, let's go over it one more time. I know we can figure out what's going on."
Twist sighed and flipped back to the first page of the notebook yet again. "Dinky, are you sure we're not just on a wild goose chase?"
"Yes, I'm sure!" Dinky replied, pounding her front hooves for emphasis. "My mom's hiding something; that much is obvious. You and I need to find out what it is."
Twist rubbed her chin with a hoof for a moment as she thought. "You know, Dinky, usually parents have a good reason for doing what they do. Even if you're right, and your mom really is keeping something from you, maybe it's for the best that it stays that way. Did you consider that?"
Dinky's gaze fell. "I… I did think that," she said softly. "That's why I've been feigning ignorance, even though it's pretty obvious that something's up. But in the last few weeks, it seems like there's been a change in mom's demeanor. I'm worried that something is wrong; probably something about work again. I know she's just keeping it a secret because she doesn't want me to worry too, but in truth, that's just making it worse."
Dinky looked up again, her expression determined. "I just want to be able to help out! Mom's got no one to help her support our family; after all, dad's been dead since I was less than a year old. I know she sacrifices a lot for me; I want to try to return the favor. And I can't do that if I don't know what's wrong."
Twist grinned. "You're right. I guess what we're doing really isn't so bad!"
"Exactly," Dinky agreed. "Now, let's get back to work. Read me those notes again."
Twist adjusted her spectacles and squinted at the first item on the page.
"Item one: Initial changes regarding subject Ditzy Doo began approximately seven months ago. Signs point to the presence of a concealed occupational issue."
"Correct," Dinky affirmed. "There was a period of time where mom was worried about losing her job. At some point, she stopped discussing her job altogether, avoiding my questions or coming up with relatively lame excuses."
"Can we conclude anything from that?" Twist asked.
"Not by itself," Dinky said. "It's just suspicious. What's the next item on the list?"
"Item two:" Twist continued. "There seems to have been a positive financial change in your family since the onset of said suspicious activities. The most notable occasion occurred a few weeks ago, when you observed the subject stashing a sack of money that couldn't possibly have contained less than seven or eight hundred bits."
"Yeah, that's right…" Dinky said, remembering the large bag of coins. "Mom said something about getting a bonus for some special job at work, but that had to be a lie; no bonus is going to be that big at a mail delivery company. If that was, say, a thousand bits, then that's several months of her original salary all at once."
"Maybe she won the lottery?" Twist suggested.
"Can't be," Dinky replied. "Why would she hide that from me? I think she really did get it from work somehow, I just don't know how… or why…"
"It's pretty clear that she's making more money than she used too, though," Twist added. "I mean, remember your birthday party?"
"Of course," Dinky said. "We'd never have been able to afford something like that before this year. Mom was only barely making enough money to keep us fed and housed."
"So how'd she do it this year?" the earth pony asked.
"Easy," said Dinky. "She doesn't work at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight anymore. I think she's secretly gotten a new job."
"But why wouldn't she tell you that?" Twist asked. "I mean, if she lost her job, she probably wouldn't want to tell you, but once she got a new one, then everything would be all better, right?"
Dinky tapped her hoof repeatedly against her forehead as she struggled to make sense of the riddle. Suddenly, a look of horror crossed over her features.
"Twist, you don't suppose my mom's doing something illegal for money now, do you? What if she's selling forbidden plants from the Everfree, or smuggling contraband in from a neighboring country, or… or…"
A thousand horrific thoughts crossed Dinky's mind, most of which were too controversial for her to relay to Twist. The earth pony seemed to guess what she was thinking, though.
"Hold on!" said Twist nervously. "Don't jump to conclusions! Do you really think your mom would do something like that?"
"I don't think so," Dinky mumbled, not sounding very reassured. "But desperation can change a pony. I wish I knew just how economically unstable we were back when this started a few months ago, so I could have a sense of how important it was for us to get more money."
"Well, let's leave that possibility as a fallback," Twist said quickly, trying to lighten her friend's mood. "Maybe there's another kind of job that she wouldn't want to tell you about…" The redheaded pony's eyes widened suddenly. "What if she works for the princess's Royal Intelligence Agency! Maybe she can't tell you in order to keep you safe from all the international criminals she has to fight!"
"That would be so cool!" Dinky squealed. Both fillies imagined Ditzy facing off with ninjas, which, coincidentally, was something the mare actually had done recently, thanks to a certain pink earth pony and her wacky imagination.
"Alright, we've got a couple of possibilities now," Dinky said. "Read the next item on our list."
Twist flipped the page in her notebook. "Item three: A clue to finding out more may rest in subject Ditzy Doo's coworker, a pegasus named Autumn Breeze."
"That's an important one, right there," Dinky agreed.
"Who is Autumn Breeze again?" Twist asked. "That's what you told me to write, but I didn't meet the guy."
"He was a pegasus claiming to be mom's coworker that visited here quite a while ago," Dinky elaborated. "In fact, now that I think about it, it was very shortly after mom's weird behavior started. Write that down, that might be important later."
Twist nodded and added the new note beside the item on the list.
"Anyway," Dinky continued. "Mr. Breeze seemed really friendly. I asked mom if he could stay for dinner with us, but he didn't have time."
"So, Mr. Breeze might actually be your mom's coworker at a new company, rather than at the mail service?" Twist asked, making sure she understood where Dinky was taking the thought.
"That's what I suspect," the little unicorn replied. "Anything else on that list?"
"One more," Twist answered. "Item 4: About three months ago, subject Ditzy Doo was spotted at the schoolyard during normal work hours. She appeared to be talking with several different colts and fillies, all of whom are our classmates."
"That one just baffles me," Dinky muttered. "It doesn't fit with the other observations at all. But I know that was mom at school that day. I guess I could assume she was delivering a letter to somepony, but I didn't see anything exchanged except a few bits, and mom didn't even have her mailbag with her."
Twist shrugged. "Well, that's all the information we've collected. So, can we conclude anything?"
Dinky shook her head. "We can speculate, but nothing we have yet is definite proof. If I want more information, I'm going to have to go looking for it."
"If only you could find that Breeze guy," Twist said absentmindedly as she doodled in the notebook. "Maybe he could tell you something."
"Twist, that's it!" Dinky responded excitedly.
"Really?" asked Twist. "But you don't know where he lives. Not to mention he's a pegasus; he probably spends all his time in Cloudsdale, and neither of us can go there."
"No, you're missing the point," Dinky continued. "I can't find Mr. Breeze directly, but I can make him come to me."
"How?" Twist asked.
"When he visited us a long time ago…" the unicorn began. "…I asked if he could stay for dinner, just because I thought it would be nice to have a guest. Mom promised that we would have him over eventually, but he still hasn't visited since then."
Twist was catching on. "So, you just have to pressure your mom to invite Mr. Breeze over for dinner…"
"…And I can try to use some subtle conversation tricks to get some answers at the same time!" Dinky concluded.
"And why stop there?" Twist asked. "Maybe we could get some foals from school to help us! We could have a network of spies to keep an eye on him and your mom the entire time he's visiting. Maybe we could, you know, poke through his saddlebags a bit, too…"
"Espionage!" Dinky shrieked with excitement. "Great idea, Twist. An intelligence gathering mission, disguised as a dinner party! It's the perfect plan."
"But you'll be the one at the dinner, distracting your mom and the guest and trying to get some information." Twist pointed out. "Who are you going to get to do the spying and snooping while you're doing that?"
"You, of course," said Dinky simply.
"No, no, no," Twist said. "I'm terribly clumsy; I'd be caught for sure. Maybe I could relay information to our spies from a remote location via walkie-talkie, though."
"Well then, who will do the actual infiltration?" Dinky asked.
"Snips and Snails, maybe?" Twist asked.
"No way," Dinky said with a snort. "Those two are tactless goofballs. They'd just mess everything up."
"How about… Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?" Twist suggested.
"Get real, Twist," Dinky groaned. "You know there's no way those two would agree to help a couple of 'peasants' like us with anything."
"What about that new colt?"
Dinky blinked. "Wait, what new colt?"
"You know, the one that moved here at the beginning of the year. What's his name… Pipsqueak?"
Dinky's face flushed suddenly. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea," she said quickly, snatching up the notebook and pretending to page through it in a poor attempt to hide her reaction.
Twist was far too perceptive to fall for such a ploy. She smirked at Dinky, who buried her face deeper in the notebook. "You have a crush on that Pipsqueak kid, don't you?" the earth pony asked coyly.
Dinky's blush was quickly replaced with a somewhat miffed expression. "I don't think such details are relevant to our operation."
Twist laughed. "Excuses, excuses. I'm guessing you don't want him to help with the spy operation, then."
"Preferably not," Dinky admitted.
"You realize that just leaves us with the Cutie Mark Crusaders," Twist pointed out.
"They'd probably be willing to help," Dinky said. "But do you think we can rely on them?"
"I don't think we have much of a choice," Twist admitted. "They're the only fillies in our class qualified for the job."
"Alright then," Dinky said. "We'll talk to them in school tomorrow, and I'll ask mom if Mr. Breeze can come over for dinner."
"Good," Twist said. "But be careful, Dinky. You don't want your mom to figure out what you're up to."
"Mom always says I could outsmart her if I really wanted to," Dinky said. "It's time to find out if she's right."
"Good morning, Ditzy," said Breeze cheerfully as he trotted into the employee lounge.
"Hello, Breeze!" Ditzy greeted back with the same level of enthusiasm.
Breeze was caught by surprise a bit, considering the mare had been rather sedate lately. Ever since that morning in which Ditzy had found herself alone with Glow, the pegasus had never been quite the same. Breeze was sure that the bad-natured unicorn had caused Ditzy's job-related stress to flare up again, and it was apparent that it was taking its toll on the poor mare.
Breeze wasn't sure what had Ditzy in high spirits this particular day, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He started up some light conversation as usual.
"It's Friday again. Got any plans for the weekend?" he asked.
"Actually," Ditzy responded. "It kind of depends; are you free this weekend?"
"Well, I did promise Watt I would help him with some… home improvement plans of his," Breeze answered. "But that's not 'till tomorrow; Watt's got another date with his new marefriend this evening."
"Watt's going out with Pinkie again?" Ditzy asked, glancing in Watt's direction and grinning. "This is already, what, their fifth date or something, and they've only known each other for two weeks!"
"I guess those two are perfect for each other," Breeze said. "Sort of sounds like it, considering what happened on that insane assignment you guys had." The stallion chuckled to himself. "I'm still laughing about that, you know. I really wish I could have come along for that mission."
"No you don't," Ditzy said. "I'm still trying to convince myself that wasn't all some bizarre dream I had…"
The grey mare shook her head. "Never mind, I'm getting off topic. Want I wanted to know is… are you busy this evening?"
"No, why?" Breeze asked.
"Well," Ditzy began. "Remember when you promised little Dinky you'd come over for dinner sometime? She's been asking me about it over and over lately. So I thought if you weren't busy, and it isn't a school night, maybe you'd like to come over and dine with us this evening?"
Breeze grinned widely. "I'd love to. When would you like me to swing by?"
"Maybe around seven?" Ditzy asked.
"Sure," the red pegasus responded with his usual charming smile. "I'll see you this evening."
Ditzy was called off to her daily assignment, her mind buzzing with the details of her preparations for the impending visit.
"Where are they?" Dinky asked as she trotted in nervous circles around the backyard. "The sun is going down. If they aren't in place by the time Mr. Breeze gets here, our operation is a bust!"
"They'll be here," Twist mumbled as she adjusted the settings on the walkie-talkies she had procured. "The Crusaders are way too excited about this to be late. I'm sure they're on their way."
Twist had barely finished her sentence when the sound of voices was heard on the nearby lane. Two fillies, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, came trotting into the yard and up to Dinky and Twist.
"Howdy," Applebloom greeted. "Scootaloo here yet? She said she would prob'ly be here before us."
"Nope," said Dinky. "I wonder what's keeping her?"
"Actually, I'm right here," came Scootaloo's voice.
The four fillies in the yard looked around in surprise, but aside from the disembodied voice, there was no indication of Scootaloo's presence.
A moment later, a large, round rock lying on the grass began to jiggle, before flipping over entirely, revealing that it was in fact a hollow papier-mâché shell made to look like a rock. Concealed in the space beneath was the small orange pegasus that had previously eluded detection.
"Hi everypony," Scootaloo said calmly, relishing the shocked looks from her classmates. "Do you like my eavesdropping rock? I've been here for twenty minutes, and none of you knew it until I showed myself."
"Scootaloo is our spying expert," Sweetie Belle explained. "She's had some… past experience with it."
"Yeah, and I've gotten pretty good at it, too," Scootaloo bragged. "After all, Rainbow Dash doesn't like spies very much, so I really have to make sure she doesn't catch me."
"That reminds me," Applebloom cut in. "Did you bring all the spy gear, Scootaloo?"
Scootaloo responded by reaching under her false rock again and retrieving a large, black backpack. "Everything we need is in here," she said smugly. "Well, except the walkie-talkies, since those are being supplied."
Twist took this as her cue to distribute the walkie-talkies to the waiting fillies, after which the four of them turned to Dinky.
"Alright boss," Sweetie Belle said. "What's the plan?"
"We need to investigate the dinner guest that's visiting today," Dinky said. "He and my mom are coworkers, and I'm trying to figure out if they're hiding some crucial detail of information from me. I need you three to infiltrate the cottage during the dinner party and relay any information you may uncover directly to Twist via walkie-talkie, who will be taking notes on any findings from a concealed location up the road."
"Okay," said Scootaloo. "What exactly do you need us to do?"
"Both mom and Breeze are suspicious in this situation," Dinky said. "So Scootaloo, you need to make sure not to let Breeze out of your sight, while making sure he doesn't see you, and Applebloom, you need to do the same with my mom. I'll be there too for most of it, but if either of them leaves the room for any reason, you need to follow them and see what they're up to."
"What about me?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Sweetie, I need you to sneak in and root through Breeze's saddlebags," Dinky continued. "But you have to make sure that there's no evidence that you've done so. Living with Rarity has probably given you an innate sense of organization, so I think I can trust you to put everything back exactly how you found it."
The crusaders nodded, and began chattering to each other about the epic spy plans they had already formulated.
"I'm counting on you three," Dinky said. "This isn't a game; what we discover today could have an important effect on my future. Please don't let me down."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders saluted their instructor. A moment later, a knocking sound was heard from inside the house.
"He's at the front door!" Dinky gasped. "Twist, head to your station, now! And you three, follow me, we only have a few moments!"
Dinky crept in the back door of the cottage, followed closely by the Crusaders, all of whom were now dressed in black spy gear outfits Scootaloo had provided. There was the sound of Ditzy Doo opening the front door and proceeding into the front yard to greet Breeze, which meant there was less than a minute for the spies to take their positions.
"Sweetie Belle! Hall closet!" Dinky commanded, watching the unicorn scamper off. "And you two, you're going to need to keep an eye on the kitchen area at first."
Applebloom jumped into a mostly empty cabinet under the kitchen sink, and Scootaloo quickly flew up to the ceiling, positioning herself on one of the horizontal beams, out of sight from those below.
Dinky just waited in the kitchen for her mother and guest to return, wondering what sort of consequences this night would bring.
The door swung open, and the Ditzy found herself facing her crimson coworker, carrying a paper bag in his mouth.
"Hello, Breeze!" she said cheerfully. "Glad you could make it! And what's in the bag?"
"Dessert," Breeze managed to say despite the bag in his mouth. He set the bag down on the step. "I figured I should contribute something, so I got an apple pie and a carrot cake. Both from the same stall by the way." He winked at Ditzy. "Looks like the Apples and the Carrots have consolidated their businesses since you ended the feud."
"Oh, that reminds me," Ditzy said in a hushed tone. "Please remember not to bring up anything about shipping jobs around Dinky."
Breeze's jaw dropped. "You… you still haven't told her?" he stammered. "Ditzy, I could understand it after only a week or two, but it's been over half a year now since you've started working with us!"
"I know," Ditzy said. "I definitely should have told her by now, but… Breeze, just keep off the topic tonight, okay? I promise I'll tell her soon."
"That's probably a good idea," Breeze said. "Or she's going to find out herself. If she hasn't already."
"Well, anyway, please come in," Ditzy offered, pushing open the door. The Crusaders had only just gotten into their hiding places in time, but the two ponies entered to see only Dinky out in the open.
"Well, hello Mr. Breeze," said Dinky in her sweetest 'innocent filly' voice. "I'm glad you could finally come to visit!"
"Hi, Dinky," Breeze said. "How are you today?"
"Super!" Dinky announced. "Miss Cheerliee didn't give us any homework this weekend, so I have lots of time to play with my friends."
"That reminds me," Ditzy chimed in. "Did Twist go home? I know you two were hanging out in the backyard earlier."
"Yeah, she left."
"Great," said Ditzy. "Then let's have dinner."
She motioned toward the table, and Breeze and Dinky took their seats. Ditzy went to the kitchen to retrieve the platters.
Applebloom took this as her cue to follow Ditzy. Luckily, Breeze was sitting with his back to the cupboard where the filly was hidden. She snuck out, undetected by Breeze but still in full view of Dinky, who jerked her head toward the kitchen ever so slightly, motioning for the Applebloom to hurry along.
Applebloom slipped through the kitchen door and leapt into the nearest cabinet, being careful not to strike any of the kitchen utensils and cause a clatter. The filly poked her head out and watched as Ditzy Doo carefully gathered up all the dishes to deliver to the next room.
"This would be so much easier if I was a unicorn…" the mare grumbled as she struggled to balance half a dozen large plates on herself. "I need to get Dinky some quality magic education one of these days so she can help me."
Ditzy slipped and tottered dangerously, barely managing to keep all the plates balanced. "But first I need to worry about getting through this dinner…" she continued. "I sure hope Breeze doesn't let anything slip about our jobs."
The grey mare turned toward the cabinets suddenly to retrieve a knife for the loaf of fresh bread that was perched precariously on her head. Applebloom realized in horror that she was about to be discovered. The filly crouched down in the corner of the small space and waited for her mission's inevitable failure.
Ditzy reached into the cabinet, grabbed the utensil she needed, and left, leaving a dumbstruck Applebloom completely undiscovered.
Wow, the filly thought to herself. I guess miss Ditzy's vision is even worse than I reckoned it was. Her blind spot's so big I can fit m'self inside it!"
Once the mare had disappeared, Applebloom clambered out of the cabinet and into a nearby closet, where she contacted Twist.
"Did you catch that comment?" the yellow earth pony asked.
"I did," Twist replied, scribbling in her notebook. "The target has acknowledged that there is a secret being kept concerning work. Dinky's suspicions are confirmed."
"What do I do now?" Applebloom asked.
"Keep spying!" Twist insisted. "We still don't know anything about the nature of this secret. We need more answers."
Applebloom agreed and trotted into another room to continue spying on Ditzy.
Dinky sat quietly at the table, chewing her vegetable stew quietly as she stared thoughtfully at her mother and Breeze; the filly prepared to begin her attempts to get some information out of them. The older ponies didn't notice her strangely quiet behavior; they were engaged in lively conversation about some recent goings-on in Cloudsdale.
"So Mr. Breeze," Dinky began in her sweetest voice. "What department do you work for? Do you deliver letters like mommy?"
"No, I, uh…" Breeze stammered. "I'm a… letter sorter. Yeah, I'm the guy who compiles all the stuff your mom needs to deliver into one place for her."
"I see," Dinky responded, secretly a little miffed that Breeze was able to come up with a lie so quickly. "When did you join the company? I don't think I ever heard my mom talk about you before you came over to visit last time."
"I joined not long before that," Breeze parried. "Your mom's been working there a lot longer than me."
It was apparent in Breeze's voice that his heart wasn't in his excuses; even Ditzy could tell that. But it was the best defense they had at the moment, and she had to hope Dinky was buying it.
Unfortunately for her, Dinky was not, but rather than ask another question, the filly simply took a large bite of her slice of honey oat bread.
"So!" said Ditzy loudly. "Let's tell Mr. Breeze about school, Dinky. What have you been up to in Miss Cheerliee's class lately?"
Her attempts to unveil the truth temporarily blocked, Dinky found herself with no choice but to follow her mother's bait and change the subject. However, once the conversation turned to school, Dinky found herself relaxing a bit more. She would have time to try to get more information out of Breeze later. After all, Dinky's original reason for asking if Breeze could visit was simply to have a friendly dinner with her and her mother. Besides, if anything suspicious did eventually happen, the crusaders would be there to record it. Hopefully.
By the time dessert was served, Dinky pushed her suspicions to the back of her mind, kept dimly aware only by the lingering knowledge that her hired spies were still lurking just out of sight.
Suddenly, the cheerful conversation was interrupted by a rapid knocking on the front door. "Breeze!" a voice called from outside. "Sorry to bother you when you're visiting somepony, but can you come here a second?"
Ditzy and Breeze glanced at each other in shock. "Is that…Watt?"
"Who's Watt?" Dinky asked, making a move to hop down from her chair.
"Stay here Dinky," Ditzy said. "It's just a friend of Breeze's that he needs to quickly address." The nervous mare shot Breeze a 'go deal with him' sort of look.
Breeze quickly jumped up and proceeded to the front door. Up above, Scootaloo scampered along the beams in pursuit.
Breeze opened the door, coming face to face with the interrupting visitor.
"Watt, what are you doing here?" he asked in a low voice. "I thought you were on a date tonight."
"I was… I mean, I am," Watt said, pointing to Pinkie, who was waiting at the edge of the sidewalk. "But we were in the area on our way back from dinner, and I needed to tell you that there's been a change of plans. I actually don't have time for you to come over tomorrow after all; there's been a bit of an emergency."
Breeze raised his eyebrows. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah," Watt said. "But Pinkie needs me to help her save Inanima again. Apparently it's being attacked by an army of mutant lampshade warriors."
Breeze blinked. "Well, whatever, but you need to get out of here. Ditzy's daughter isn't supposed to know about you yet."
Watt, however, was not paying attention. He was staring at the orange filly that had descended from the ceiling by a rope behind Breeze's back.
"Hey Pinkie," the yellow stallion asked as his marefriend approached. "Is that a spy pony or am I seeing things?"
"Nope, that's a spy pony if I ever saw one!" Pinkie chirped.
Panicking, Scootaloo hit the emergency retract switch and was reeled up to the ceiling again, slamming painfully against it before she managed to position herself on another beam and out of sight. Breeze turned around, but saw nothing.
"Listen, Watt. I have no time for games right now. Get going. I'll see you at work on Monday."
Watt nodded. "Okay then. Sorry to bother you Breeze. Watch out for spy ponies."
Watt and Pinkie hopped away in unison. Breeze just sighed and shut the door, returning to the dining room.
"Twist, come in," Scootaloo whispered over her walkie-talkie. "I have information. An earth pony just visited, and claimed to be Breeze's coworker. That's not possible, is it?"
"Can't be," Twist said. "If he's not a pegasus, he can't work at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight."
Scootaloo crept back to the kitchen, while Twist reviewed the information the spies had collected.
"This is very suspicious," the earth filly mumbled. "I wonder if Sweetie Belle has uncovered anything…"
Sweetie Belle stared at the locked door. She knew Breeze's saddlebags were inside; she was just having trouble getting to them. The whitish filly had tried everything to unlock the door, but nothing had worked. She wasn't strong enough to break it down, and doing so would alert the others to her presence anyway. She was left with only one option.
I'm going to have to try magic.
Sweetie Belle's magical skills were rudimentary at best; Rarity had only begun teaching her the basics in the last few weeks, and the results of Sweetie's attempts were often catastrophic. She'd never even tried to unlock a door with magic; nevertheless, she would have to give it a shot.
Sweetie Belle closed her eyes and concentrated as hard as she could on the inner mechanisms of the lock. She tried to direct her magic as carefully as possible into its depths, coaxing it to open.
A few moments later, the doorknob simply fell off entirely, startling Sweetie Belle as it clunked to the floor. The now handle-less door swung open.
"I guess it's better than nothing," she grumbled to herself as she slunk inside.
The stallion's saddlebag sat silently in the corner. Sweetie produced a beam of light with her horn (one trick she actually had learned in her studies with Rarity) and began to delicately dig through the bag's contents.
Some bits, bag of trail mix, weather schedules, tube of mane-gel… Sweetie neatly categorized each item as she removed it from the bag. I don't know if I'm going to find any incriminating evidence in here.
Crumpled at the bottom of the bag was a piece of paper. Sweetie flattened it out and quickly read it, scrunching up her muzzle in confusion. She wasn't sure what the contents of the page meant, but they could be important, so she quickly copied them onto another paper, replaced everything as she found it in Breeze's bag, and snuck through the back door and out of the cottage.
One lively dinner later, it at last came time for Breeze to leave.
"Thanks so much for the meal, Ditzy," Breeze said. "You're a really good cook, by the way."
"Aw, it was nothing," Ditzy replied, waving away the compliment with a little giggle. "Thank you for coming to visit. We really should do this again soon."
"We should!" Dinky agreed. Despite her espionage operation, the filly had managed to have quite a lovely evening with her mother and the other pegasus.
Breeze gave Dinky a pat on the head. "Don't worry, kiddo, I'll be back. And Ditzy, I'll see you on Monday."
With a last cool smile, Breeze launched himself into the air. Ditzy and Dinky watched him disappear into the night sky.
"Mommy?" Dinky asked. "Can I go play in the backyard for a bit?"
"Sure," said Ditzy absentmindedly, still watching Breeze's diminishing form. "Don't go far though. It's almost bedtime."
Dinky trotted to the backyard, where, as expected, Twist and the Crusaders had met to wait for her.
"So… did we find anything out?" Dinky asked.
"Actually, yes," Twist said. "Applebloom overheard your mom talking about not letting something slip about her job. That proves your theory that she's hiding something."
"Not a big surprise, really," Dinky answered. "Anything else?"
"Scootaloo got a look at the visiting pony that interrupted your dinner. From what we gathered, he appears to work with your mom and Breeze, but he's an Earth pony. Therefore, they can't be working at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight anymore."
Dinky stomped her front hooves down triumphantly. "I knew it! Now I just have to figure out where they do work!"
"Sweetie-Belle may have helped with that, actually," Twist said. "What do you make of this note she found in Breeze's saddlebag?"
Dinky snatched the paper away from Twist and read it carefully.
~From the desk of Dr. Candyfloss C.E.O. Equestria Speedy Shipping Services
Dinky read the paper once more, hardly daring to believe her luck.
"Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, huh?" she turned to the Crusaders, grinning broadly. "You girls have been a great help. Thanks."
"No spyin' Cutie Marks, though," Applebloom said sadly. "Well, thanks for giving us a chance to try at least."
The Crusaders trotted from the yard, already discussing their next crusade.
Dinky looked at Twist. "Go home for now, Twist. Tomorrow, you and I are going to start doing some special research."
Twist nodded. "Can't wait!"
Dinky watched her best friend trot away. "I'm finally going to get to the bottom of this," Dinky mumbled to herself. "I just need to find out a little more about Equestria Speedy Shipping Services…"
As always, another day of work brought another assignment for Ditzy Doo. Today, the perky pegasus found herself trotting through the streets of Canterlot's dazzling entertainment district as she made her way to her destination.
Ditzy stepped into the dim interior of what appeared to be a nightclub, but since it was late morning, the place was deserted. The mare wondered if she had gotten the wrong address.
"Hello! I'm from Equestria Speedy Shipping Services! Anypony here?"
A glow of magical light appeared, revealing a white unicorn with an electric blue mane and violet shades standing at the DJ stand. "Up here!" the unicorn called, before turning back to whatever she was doing.
Ditzy trotted up the stairs to find the unicorn half wedged under the turntables. She appeared to be repairing something.
"One sec…" the white mare mumbled.
Suddenly, there was a nearly deafening blare of sound; the unicorn had succeeded in fixing whatever was broken, and the club's bass-heavy music began blasting as a result.
"There we go!" she cried triumphantly, jumping to her hooves. "All ready for my next show!" The unicorn noticed Ditzy clutching her her ears in agony, and quickly turned down the music.
"Sorry about that," she chuckled. "Anyway, you're the shipper, right?"
"Yeah," said Ditzy, shaking her head violently to try to stop the ringing.
"Cool," the unicorn replied. "I'm Vinyl Scratch, the most wicked awesome DJ in Canterlot!"
"Just call me Vinyl," the unicorn responded. "Full names are too formal."
"Right then, Vinyl," Ditzy started. "Going by first impressions, you don't seem like the shy type. Why do you need a shipper today?"
Vinyl's confident smile shrank a bit. "Well, uh… normally, you'd be right." She responded. "Usually, I can get my own date. Heck, sometimes I've got to deal with ponies climbing over each other to ask me out. Unfortunately, I happen to be interested in a certain mare… who I'm pretty sure doesn't know I even exist."
With a flash of magic, Vinyl pulled a poster from her saddlebag and rolled it open. The image within showed four ponies playing musical instruments. Vinyl slammed her hoof down right under the picture of a grey earth pony playing the cello.
"Right there!" the unicorn announced. "That there is Octavia, cellist in the Royal Canterlot Orchestra! You need to help me get a date with her!"
Ditzy looked at the picture, then back to Vinyl Scratch. "Are you sure she's… y'know, your type? I mean, you two seem kind of… different."
Vinyl glanced around the room nervously before leaning in closely and whispering to Ditzy.
"Don't tell anypony… but I'm secretly into classical almost as much as I am into mad bass beats. I disguise myself sometimes and attend the orchestra's performances; it's a guilty pleasure. But I went and did something stupid; I sent her an anonymous note asking her to join me for dinner at the Canterlot café' tonight."
"Why is that a problem?" Ditzy asked. "As long as she shows up, you'll be getting the date you wanted. Why do you need me?"
Vinyl lifted her shades for a moment so Ditzy could see the 'you've got to be kidding' look in her eyes.
"The problem is," Vinyl said with slight annoyance. "Octavia is a high-societal mare; a wild, unkempt pony like me is nothing more than old rubbish to her."
"So what, you want me to teach you how to be sophisticated or something?" Ditzy asked skeptically.
Vinyl gasped. "I hadn't thought of that! Do you do that? Is that a legitimate request for a shipping pony?!"
"I… guess?" said Ditzy uncertainly. "I was forced to attend a few weeks of finishing school as a filly; I'm not perfect, but I could probably teach you basic proper mannerisms if you think that'll help."
Vinyl produced a huge grin. "You will? Aw, thanks! That'll be awesome! Octavia will be totally diggin' me in no time!"
"Then we better get started," Ditzy said. "We've only got a few hours." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The low hum of the cello mixed harmoniously with the melody played on the piano as two ponies filled the empty hall with music. The sounds of the strings increased in tempo as the piano rose to a tumultuous crescendo of a finale, and both instruments fell silent.
Octavia lowered her bow from the large instrument next to her. "Excellent as always, Frederic," she said, watching the pianist stallion take a small mock bow.
"Why thank you," Frederic replied. "And, of course, the piece would be nothing without your beautiful accompaniment."
"Hopefully it still sounds as good once all four of us play it," the mare commented. "I'm not sure the others are familiar with this piece yet."
"They still have a few days to practice," Frederic said. "You and I, on the other hand, are basically ready for our next performance."
Octavia smiled. "Yes, and I'm quite looking forward to a few nights off for once."
Frederic grinned knowingly. "Perchance, is there something special going on, Octavia?"
Octavia's cheeks reddened ever so slightly. "Actually, yes. It seems one of my fans has offered to treat me to dinner this evening."
Frederic raised his eyebrows. "Now isn't that lovely. Assuming, of course, that your date isn't simply some desperate urchin or something."
"Frederic, we're in the Royal Canterlot Orchestra. Hardly anypony below the upper echelons of society ever attends our performances. I'm confident that whoever has invited me is a tasteful music appreciator and a proper gentlepony."
"You're probably right," Frederic commented. "But you can't be sure. Hopefully your evening will be as charming as you're expecting."
"Don't worry about me, Frederic," Octavia replied calmly as she packed away her cello. "I'm sure everything will be fine."
The grey earth pony sauntered out of the empty hall, trying her best to ignore the tiny doubts Frederic had planted within her.
Vinyl Scratch found herself seated at the kitchen table in her apartment, impatiently awaiting her tutoring session from Ditzy. The unicorn sat as still as she could, her front hooves resting on the napkin neatly spread across her lap.
Ditzy peered around the corner from the adjacent room. "Okay Vinyl, you need to pretend I'm your date so we can practice your manners."
Vinyl nodded, careful to maintain her posture as Ditzy had instructed earlier. Ditzy trotted forward and seated herself in the other chair.
"Hello Vinyl Scratch," she said pleasantly, looking at Vinyl expectantly.
"Hey. How ya' doin'?" Vinyl replied.
Ditzy placed her face in her hooves. "We have a lot to do, I see." The pegasus looked back up at Vinyl. "Why don't we try a bit more… elegant of a greeting?"
Vinyl cleared her throat before trying again. "Good evening, ma'am. It's a lovely night, wouldn't you agree?"
"Much better," Ditzy replied. "After the greeting, remember to keep conversation on light, but sophisticated, topics. Make sure your choice of topics if appropriate for the dinner table."
"Gotcha'" Vinyl said. "I'm not too worried about the talking part, though; as long as I remember to avoid most of my slang, I think I can pass as a classy pony." The unicorn looked at the dishes spread in front of her. "I'm actually more worried about table manners."
"That reminds me," Ditzy commented. "Do you normally use magic to lift your utensils or food?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Don't do that tonight," Ditzy responded.
"What?!" Vinyl gasped. "Why not? I always eat like that!"
"It's a rather picky rule of fine dining," Ditzy responded. "Since you are dining with an earth pony, it's impolite for you to use magic to eat when she can't. In most cases, ponies don't care, but the rule is still followed in the highest levels of society. Octavia might be offended if you don't observe it."
Vinyl snorted. "Then how am I supposed to eat?"
"Hold the utensils with your hooves like everypony else," Ditzy answered.
Hesitantly, Vinyl lifted a fork. The small metal implement felt so foreign; after all, she hadn't touched a dining utensil since… well, about when she learned to use magic. Awkwardly, the unicorn attempted a few stabbing motions with it, before bending her arm at an odd angle to try to move it to her mouth.
"For Celestia's sake, Vinyl, it's not that hard," Ditzy said, demonstrating the proper movements with her own fork.
"Easy for you to say! You're a pegasus!" Vinyl snapped as she adjusted her pose to more accurately mimic the grey mare.
Ditzy demonstrated every detail she could remember from finishing school, from arrangement of spoons and knives to the proper way to sip one's soup to the fundamentals of proper use of the napkin. Vinyl soaked in every word; sure, it was boring, but better to be bored now than humiliated later.
"I think that just about covers table manners," Ditzy said finally. "And remember the most important rule; ignore all of this unless you're at a particularly fancy restaurant or dining with a very fancy guest; the average pony would just think you're weird."
"Great," said Vinyl sarcastically. "Nice to know I spent two hours learning all the details of something that's not applicable ninety-nine percent of the time."
"Why do you think I left finishing school," Ditzy said dryly. "Well… actually, more like escaped from finishing school… whatever, that's a story for another time. What else do we need to teach you before your date?"
"Uh… nothing?" said Vinyl hesitantly. "We talked about greetings and speech patterns, we reviewed table manners, and I already know enough about music to keep an intelligent conversation going, I think. I guess I'm ready to go."
"Not quite," said Ditzy. "We have to fix you up a little first. You can't go to a fancy dinner looking like you do now."
"What's wrong with how I look?" asked Vinyl defensively.
Ditzy sighed. "Face facts, Vinyl. You look fine for going to host a wild rave party, but I wouldn't say your look is appropriate for a classy evening out."
The grey pegasus ushered Vinyl into another room, arming herself with a hairbrush.
"What, you're a stylist now too?" Vinyl asked.
"You'd be surprised at the skills you pick up in this job," Ditzy answered simply. "Now, let's get to work."
Vinyl arrived on the posh outdoor terrace at the Canterlot café, pausing to glance at her reflection in the pool of a nearby fountain; she still couldn't believe such a simple change could make her look so different. Ditzy had managed to tame the unicorn's usually unkempt mane into something that could rival even the surrounding high-status ponies. Tangles of hair no longer dangled around her face; everything was neatly brushed back into a simple, but lovely, style. Vinyl herself, who had long since given up on ever making her unruly mane presentable, was unable to believe the sudden change.
Ditzy had also smoothed out the spiky fur of Vinyl's tail, and tucked a flower behind her ear to complete the effect of her new style.
One thing Vinyl was much less thrilled about, however, was the removal of her signature shades. Ditzy had insisted that the gaudy accessory was not befitting of Vinyl's new look; The unicorn removed them begrudgingly, being hesitant to expose her bright red eyes.
I wonder why she didn't comment on my eyes, Vinyl thought to herself. Maybe it's because her eyes are as weird as mine.
Ditzy had flown ahead, promising to oversee the date from a hidden perch on a nearby rooftop. This left Vinyl to walk alone to the café. The unicorn couldn't help but notice the looks she was getting from the pompous townsfolk; for once, they seemed to be looks of approval rather than disdain. That was a good sign.
Vinyl sighed and moved away from the fountain, proceeding to an open table. There was nothing to do now but wait and hope Octavia actually showed up. Her breath caught in her throat when she caught sight of the grey earth pony walking up to the host's counter.
"Excuse me, sir," Octavia said. "I'm supposed to be meeting a date here; I'm a few minutes late, so I suspect they're already here."
The host nodded. "The white mare at the table out on the terrace is waiting for you. Enjoy your dinner."
"Thank you," Octavia said, proceeding out to the open patio.
Vinyl waved nervously as the earth pony cantered over to the table and seated herself.
"Good evening, miss," Octavia said. "Thank you for your kind invitation. May I have your name?"
"Uh… I'm Vinyl Scratch," the unicorn answered. "I'm… I'm a big fan of the orchestra."
"Why thank you," said Octavia calmly. "I always do enjoy meeting another appreciator of our ensemble. I take it by your cutie mark that you are a music aficionado as well?"
"You could say that," Vinyl responded.
"How lovely." Octavia produced a small smile. "What sort of instrument do you play?"
"Uh, I don't actually… play," Vinyl stuttered. "I'm just… in the music business, shall we say."
Octavia tensed suddenly. "Are you a music critic? Is this an interview, disguised as a date? Why do they always try to do this to me!?"
"Whoa, relax!" Vinyl yelled over her panicking guest. "I'm no critic. Really. I'm not here to interrogate you, I just want to have dinner!"
Octavia blinked. "Yes. Of course. Sorry, I've been under a bit of stress lately."
"It's cool," said Vinyl. "I mean… I understand," she corrected herself, catching Octavia's surprised look at the bit of 'commoner lingo' she'd let slip.
Luckily, the waiter came by at that moment and took the pair's orders, after which the two were left to continue the discussion. Vinyl allowed Octavia to discuss the details of the latest pieces she had been practicing, a topic on which the earth pony was quick to go into great depth. Vinyl listened intently, occasionally asking questions of her own, until dinner was served some time later. The unicorn was careful to follow Ditzy's eating instructions as well, refraining from the use of her magic.
"I must say, Vinyl Scratch," Octavia commented over her salad. "You are quite the charming mare. Quite polite and friendly, and you know about music. But… when I look at you… you remind me of somepony; I just can't put my hoof on who it is…"
Vinyl just shrugged.
"I suppose it doesn't matter," Octavia mumbled. "I'll let you know if I think of it."
The mares finished their meal, and waited as the waiter approached with the bill.
"Your check," he said, setting the bill on the table.
"Allow me," Vinyl offered. "You are my guest, after all."
Vinyl dug through her bag for the necessary funds. She pulled out a hooffull of bits, but something else fell out of the bag as well: a pair of bright purple shades.
Octavia stared at the eyewear for a moment, and then looked back at Vinyl, who was blushing slightly.
"Wait…" Octavia said, her eyes widening. "Wait just a second."
Suddenly, the earth pony leapt up from her seat, and more or less tackled Vinyl, knocking her from her chair.
"Ow! What are you doing?" the unicorn asked.
Refusing to answer, Octavia proceeded to roughly tousle Vinyl's mane. Once it was back to its usual disheveled state, she picked up the dropped shades and placed them on Vinyl's face.
"That's it!" she announced triumphantly, admiring her handiwork. "I knew I recognized you! You're the DJ from the club downtown!"
Vinyl struggled to her feet, glaring at Octavia. "Yes. Now are you done assaulting me?"
Octavia blushed. "Sorry, I… I don't know where that came from."
"Whatever," said Vinyl. "Guess any chance of a second date is gone now?"
"No no no, on the contrary!" Octavia replied, much to Vinyl's surprise. "I, uh… kind of wanted to meet you, actually."
"Huh?" Vinyl asked. "I thought you'd only be interested in associating with other upper-echelon like yourself."
Octavia groaned. "Vinyl, you must understand; sometimes classy ponies can be rather… boring, to be honest. I liked you immediately because quite frankly, you're more interesting than a lot of ponies I know. And now that I know you're that DJ from downtown… well that's twice as nice. A pony who fits in both with us gentleponies and with some of the more… exciting folk living nearby."
"So you… you do want to go out again sometime?"
Octavia nodded. "Definitely."
Vinyl couldn't believe her luck; she hadn't expected this side of Octavia at all. But one question was still left unanswered.
"That's all great," the white mare said. "But… how did you know about me? Have you seen me before?"
Octavia produced a guilty grin. "Actually… on the rare occasion that I have a day off, I'll sometimes disguise myself and visit your club. Call it a… guilty pleasure."
A warm, cheerful summer morning always succeeded in lifting the spirits of the residents of Ponyville, and this morning was no different. The sunlight bathed every inch of town with its soothing rays, signaling to everypony the start of another carefree summer day. It seemed there wasn't anypony for miles who was anything less than perfectly content.
Anypony, that is, save for a certain grey pegasus, who was slowly being consumed by her own anxiety.
Ditzy trudged silently toward the front doors of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. She opted not to fly for once; her distracted state of mind combined with her already poor vision had led her to several aerial accidents this morning alone, leading to a few hundred bits of property damage, and a splitting headache for the pegasus.
Ditzy couldn't understand what was holding her back anymore; a whole month had passed since Breeze had visited for dinner, yet the mare still hadn't told Dinky the truth about her job. And her filly suspected something; that much was obvious even to Ditzy. The young unicorn had been acting funny, like she knew more than she let on, and was just humoring her mother, allowing her to keep her secret a little while longer. She'd also been spending an unusual amount of time in Ponyville after school, instead of coming straight home. Once or twice, Ditzy had caught her sneaking in with an extra bag of books; apparently she had been at the Ponyville library. But what had she been researching?
The whole situation was causing Ditzy a lot of undue stress. The feeling of tension in the Doo household had grown so greatly that even Ditzy's thoughts of Glow and her disturbingly well-thought-out shipping philosophies had been pushed to the back of her mind for the time being. It was one thing to be worried about herself, and her effects on the lives of the ponies she encountered, but it was another matter entirely when Dinky came into consideration. As always, the filly took top priority.
For the umpteenth time, Ditzy swore to herself to tell Dinky the whole truth that evening, while noting sadistically in the back of her mind that she would probably be unable to work up the courage to do so… again.
Ditzy reached up to open the door to headquarters, when it swung open of its own accord, allowing a certain blue unicorn to exit.
Glow strode forward, no doubt already setting out on her assignment for the day. Much to Ditzy's relief, the unicorn merely turned up her nose at the sight of her rival, and strode away without a word. Ditzy watched her go for a moment, relieved to avoid a negative encounter, and then turned and entered the building.
A few muffled voices issued from behind the door to the employee lounge; the only ponies present at the moment were Breeze and Cloudcover.
"Good morning," Cloudcover said as the mare entered.
"Morning," Ditzy replied unenthusiastically.
Breeze nodded as well, but said nothing. The red pegasus scrutinized his coworker with concern; she was looking worse every day. Breeze feared there would be negative effects on the mare's health if she didn't find some stress relief soon.
The intercom crackled to life. "Cloudcover, please come to my office for your assignment."
"Right then," Cloudcover responded, with a glance at Breeze. "We'll have to finish our conversation later, mate. See you."
Breeze nodded again as his friend left the room, leaving him alone with Ditzy, who had wandered to the breakfast table. Not even fresh muffins seemed to be putting the usual vigor back into the mare's step. The red pegasus decided it was time to confront her again, for her own good.
"Ditzy, we need to talk."
Ditzy looked up from her food and allowed one eye to swivel in Breeze's direction.
"About what?"
"About you," Breeze said as gently as possible. "I know I can't tell you how to live your life, but… I think this situation is starting to get the best of you."
"No, really?" Ditzy asked icily. "Lately I've been under even more stress here than I was at my old job, and that's saying something, considering I spent most of my time there on the verge of getting fired."
"Then what are you going to do about it?" Breeze asked. "Why won't you just tell Dinky about your job already? Then you can stop dodging her questions and making up lies, and the two of you can get back on track."
"I want to tell her, really!" Ditzy insisted. "But I… I just can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't know!" the mare wailed, dropping back on her haunches and staring at the floor. "That's why this is so hard for me! I really should tell Dinky the truth; I should have quite some time ago, actually. But some nagging doubt in the back of my mind has been keeping me from doing so!"
Breeze stamped his front hoof. "Then you need to sit right there, and think until you figure out what that reason is!" he insisted. "Because clearly, keeping it a secret is not a better idea than telling her if this is what it's doing to you."
Ditzy said nothing. She just scrunched up her face in thought.
"I think… it's not about me having a new job…" she started. "It's about me having this job. Don't you think being a matchmaker could, you know… be a bad influence on a little filly?"
Breeze raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
"Well, I don't know," Ditzy stuttered. "At Dinky's age, most ponies are just learning about the concepts of love and relationships. Do you think it could have a negative effect on a filly if her parent essentially manipulates these delicate situations as an occupation? I don't want her to get the wrong ideas about the concept of love."
"I'm not sure it really works like that anymore," Breeze pointed out. "I mean, we get assigned to help colts and fillies with their first relationships all the time. Most of them just want to get the object of their crush to notice them, but still."
Ditzy seemed unconvinced. Breeze shifted his weight awkwardly when the mare didn't respond.
"Look," he said finally. "I can completely understand that you want everything to be perfect for Dinky, but I really don't think this is something too 'adult' for her." His expression changed suddenly as an idea came to him. "If you still aren't sure how to break the news to her, why don't we go and talk to Candyfloss? I'm sure he's the authority on this type of thing."
Ditzy brightened a bit. "Yeah, maybe Candyfloss can tell me the best way to explain this job to Dinky, without her getting any of the wrong ideas."
Breeze trotted to the door, motioning for his coworker to follow. "Come on, let's go see him right now."
Ditzy picked herself up and followed Breeze down the corridor. The door to Candyfloss's office was slightly ajar; the pegasi pushed it open and peered inside.
Dr. Candyfloss appeared completely transfixed, merrily poking a tiny glass bird on his desk, which would swing forward and dip its beak into a small pool of water, before rising up again at regular intervals.
"Yes, Mr. Feathers, you are a very thirsty birdy aren't you?" the unicorn cooed as he watched the tiny toy dip down again.
Breeze gave Ditzy a bewildered look, and then cleared his throat.
"Uh… Doc?"
Suddenly aware of his employees' presence, Candyfloss snatched the ornament from his desk and stuffed it into a drawer, knocking a large pile of papers off in the process, before neatly placing his hooves on the desk in front of him as if nothing had happened.
"Hello you two. What is it?"
Breeze just smirked. "…Mr. Feathers, huh?"
Candyfloss scowled. "I can have hobbies too you know, Mr. Breeze!"
Breeze chuckled. "Never mind Doc, it's not important right now. We… well actually, just Ditzy, wanted to come and talk to you. And, if you don't mind, I'm kind of interested to hear what you have to say as well."
Candyfloss's gaze softened when he caught sight of the disheveled mare standing next to Breeze. "What is it, Miss Ditzy? Is something wrong?"
Ditzy nodded. "You see, Dr. Candyfloss," she began. "I like working here and all, but despite that, truth be told, I haven't actually told my daughter that I work here yet."
Candyfloss blinked. "But… haven't you been working here for the better part of the last year?"
"Well, yes," Ditzy affirmed. "But I've been just a little concerned about describing the details of my work. Dinky is a smart little filly, and she'd probably understand, but I didn't want to take a chance and wind up giving her the wrong ideas. How can I explain it to her without risking her misunderstanding the details of how careful you really have to be when fanning the first flames of a relationship?"
Candyfloss smiled his usual knowing smile. "Ah, Ditzy, I can understand your concern. As the only one of us at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services with a child of your own, you face unique challenges in being both a shipper and a mother. You may rest assured, however, that one of those positions is not incompatible with the other; if they were, I would not have hired you in the first place."
A tiny, relieved smile appeared on Ditzy's face at her boss's comforting assurance. She waited for him to elaborate.
"It seems to me you are worried about telling little Dinky the truth only because of how you are perceiving the act of shipping. In other words, the only reason you are worried about Dinky misunderstanding, is because you yourself might misunderstand a bit about your own job."
"Huh?" Ditzy asked, scratching her head.
"Allow me to reword that," Candyfloss said. "You seem to be forgetting that the position of a shipper is in actuality quite humble among the overall factors of a relationship. Remember, we alone do not determine the success or failure of the pairing; I've told you this before. In many cases, such relationships can, and often do, blossom entirely without our assistance. And in almost all cases, save for the few very special jobs I take upon myself, the help we provide is only given at the request of the asker."
"Okay," Ditzy said. "What's that have to do with my question, though?"
Candyfloss grinned. "I'm simply saying that the only reason you wouldn't want to tell Dinky about shipping is because you fear it trivializes the seriousness of a relationship by allowing you to manipulate it. But your 'manipulation', as you may recall, does not have a particularly profound effect. Your job is to simply help a pony deal with a social impediment of theirs, or perhaps bend a few circumstances around the couple-to-be so that events occur in a fashion more favorable to creating romance. Certainly, you've encountered both of these situations on numerous occasions in the field."
Ditzy nodded.
"Well, there's your answer then!" Candyfloss announced. "Make sure you point out when you describe your position that you are not shaping an entirely new situation with your own hooves in whatever way you see fit. You're simply working to help particularly shy or otherwise disadvantaged ponies with the decisions they have already made. Do that, and your point is made, while the concept of true love remains impossible to tamper with."
Candyfloss chuckled delightedly as dawning comprehension slowly brought the usual smile back to Ditzy's face. Breeze looked impressed as well.
"Wow, Doc," the red pegasus commented. "You sure have this whole organization down to a science, don't you?"
"Absolutely," Candyfloss replied, before turning back to the grey mare. "Now, miss Ditzy, may I assume that I have solved your problem?"
Ditzy nodded vigorously. "Yes sir, Dr. Candyfloss! Thank you so much!"
"Of course," the unicorn responded politely. "Remember that you can come to me at any time for concerns such as this."
Ditzy skipped out the door, ideas of a clear and simple way to explain everything to Dinky rapidly being constructed within the confines of her mind.
Breeze glanced back at his boss. "Thanks, Candyfloss," he said. "Ditzy's been real cut-up about that. I'm glad you were finally able to do something about it."
Candyfloss just nodded, flashing his enigmatic smile as Breeze turned to follow Ditzy.
A few moments passed. The magenta-maned unicorn waited until his employees' hoofsteps had vanished. He glanced quickly around once more before reaching into his drawer and again removing the small glass drinking bird.
"Now where were we, Mr. Feathers? That little interruption has caused me to forget."
The phone rang, distracting Candyfloss from his bizarre hobby once again. The unicorn sighed and lifted the receiver with magic.
"Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, Dr. Candyfloss speaking."
"Yes, hello," came a female voice from the other side. "I would like to hire one of your shippers for today, please."
"Of course," Candyfloss mused. "Please give me your location, and I will send somepony to you immediately."
"I will be in Ponyville park, near the statue of the town's founder," the client replied. "The shipper can meet me there."
Candyfloss scribbled the location onto a sheet of paper. "Very well, miss. Thank you for calling Eques-"
"Wait!" the client interrupted. "One more thing."
"Yes, what is it?" Candyfloss asked.
"I was wondering… is it possible to request a shipper?"
"It's unconventional," Candyfloss admitted. "But there's no reason for me to say no. Provided your request is available, we'll send him or her right over."
"Then perhaps," the client continued slowly. "You could send me… Ditzy Doo?"
"Absolutely," Candyfloss responded. "May I ask who is requesting her?"
There was a short silence on the other end of the line.
"Actually… can you not tell her she's been requested? Just pretend it was coincidence."
Candyfloss blinked in surprise. "Erm… very well. I shall send Ditzy Doo to your location. Thank you for contacting Equestria Speedy Shipping Services."
The unicorn hung up the phone, and moved his hoof to the intercom button, mildly curious as to what type of assignment one of his best employees was about to receive.
"Miss Ditzy Doo, please return to my office. It's time for today's assignment."
Ditzy hummed contently to herself as she floated over Ponyville, finally able to enjoy the beautiful day as much as everypony else. The mare felt ready to tackle almost any assignment now that she wasn't so worried about her daughter. Tucking her wings to her sides, Ditzy dove down into the park, and quickly made her way to the large statue, which was easily visible even to her bad eyes.
It was still early, so the park was quiet. Only a few ponies trotted along the pathways, and nopony at all seemed to be standing in the vicinity of the statue. Confused, Ditzy trotted in a circle around the large structure.
"Anypony here?" she called. "I'm from Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. Hello?"
Silence.
Maybe they're late? Ditzy theorized. The mare sat down on the ground near the statue to wait for her client to arrive.
"Yaaaaaahhhhh!"
Something, or rather, somepony, who presumably had leapt from the top of the statue, crashed into Ditzy from above, sending both her and her assailant tumbling through the grass. When they finally rolled to a halt, Ditzy struggled to untangle herself and get to her hooves. She whirled to face her attacker.
But the pony Ditzy came face-to-face with wasn't a hostile. It wasn't a burly earth pony nor a malicious pegasus. Instead, Ditzy found herself staring into the bright eyes of a small, purplish-grey unicorn; a pair of eyes she knew very well.
"D-Dinky? What… what are you doing here?"
Dinky grinned triumphantly. "I'm just confirming my guess. I knew I'd be able to uncover the truth eventually." She pointed an accusing hoof at her mother. "You aren't a mailmare anymore; you haven't been for a long time! You work at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services!"
Ditzy felt a bit like she had just swallowed a boulder. "I… um… how long have you known…?"
"A while," Dinky admitted. "I knew something was up for a long time, but I didn't have any proof until Mr. Breeze came to dinner last month. After that, all I had to do was find out what Equestria Speedy Shipping Services was, and then how to contact them, and I sealed the deal this morning when I contacted Dr. Candyfloss and requested you."
"I asked him not to," Dinky said simply. "I don't think he knew who was calling, but luckily he listened to my request."
Ditzy had nothing to say. She was stunned. Sure, Dinky had suspected something, but she'd actually managed to work her way all the way to the complete conclusion by herself?
Dinky took her mother's silence as a cue to continue.
"So, yes, I figured out everything that has happened. But now I have another question…" Dinky's expression suddenly changed from haughty to slightly hurt.
"Why, mommy? Why wouldn't you tell me about this? I was worried that something really bad had happened…"
Ditzy sighed. "First of all Dinky, you should know that I really did want to tell you, and I definitely should have a long time ago. And I'm sorry for making you worry. I just didn't want to tell you about it because I was worried that you might not understand just what I'm doing for a living now."
Dinky frowned. "What do you mean, mommy?"
Ditzy worked her tongue for a moment while she set her thoughts in order before beginning. "You see, Dinky, my new job is very special. As you probably know, I get assigned to help ponies with the first steps of their relationships. It can be tough, and it's different every time. But there's something about this that it's important you understand…"
Ditzy continued to relay all the information Candyfloss had given her less than an hour earlier to Dinky, careful to stress the fact that she was not controlling the path of the new relationship. Dinky listened with rapt attention.
"I didn't tell you all this before," the mare said in conclusion. "Because I didn't want you to interpret shipping the wrong way. Now that I had an explanation to give, I was going to let you know about my new job as soon as possible. But… it looks like you beat me to it!"
Dinky nodded. "Mom, I kind of figured that was how it worked anyway. I read about the organization in a recent business journal that Miss Twilight let me borrow from her library, which contained a little article about the company philosophy."
"Well, you've been a busy little bee, haven't you?" Ditzy asked. "How did you manage to get so smart, Dinky? Because you certainly didn't get it from me."
The two ponies broke into a small fit of laughter at that.
"Dinky," Ditzy said once the two ponies had quieted again. "I really am sorry for this whole mess. Will you forgive me?"
"Of course!" Dinky squealed, embracing her mother in the biggest hug she could muster. "You're still the best mommy in the world. I know you were just looking out for me like always."
Ditzy tried her best to hide her watery eyes as she returned her daughter's hug. "And you're still the best little filly a mother could have."
Ditzy felt as if the weight of the world had lifted from her shoulders. At last, she could be honest with her daughter again; the estrangement the last few months had brought had now collapsed, and their small family had been restored to its former glory. Ditzy couldn't help but let a few of her joyful tears escape into Dinky's mane.
After what seemed like a long time, the mare and her filly finally broke the hug, and Ditzy got to her hooves.
"Alright, muffin, I need to get back to work, so I'll see you tonight, okay?"
"Wait," Dinky squeaked. "What about my assignment?"
Ditzy started. "Your… what?"
"My assignment," Dinky repeated. "I didn't just call Equestria Speedy Shipping Services to get to the bottom of the mystery. I have a shipping request too!"
Ditzy's jaw dropped. "You do? I… but… aren't you a little too…"
Dinky shook her head. "Mom, didn't you just get through telling me that shipping isn't such a big deal? There's a colt in my class that I like, and I could probably just go talk to him myself if I had to, but I thought I'd do it this way, just to see what it's like. But like you said, it's gonna' happen anyway."
Ditzy realized that her daughter, as usual, was absolutely right. There was really no reason for Dinky not to hire a shipper if she wanted one. And what better way to assure she got the type of quality service Ditzy wanted for her then to do it herself?
"Okay," she agreed finally. "I'll do it. Where can we find this colt?"
"That's easy," Dinky announced. "The county fair is opening today, just outside of town. Nearly every filly and colt in Ponyville is going to be there."
Ditzy nodded. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"
Ditzy bent down and allowed Dinky to clamber onto her back. Then the mare took off, making sure to stay well clear of even the smallest obstacle; a crash while carrying a passenger was not an ideal situation.
"So, what can you tell me about this colt?" Ditzy asked the filly on her back.
"His name is Pipsqueak," Dinky said. "He moved here from Trottingham about a year ago. I've kind of had a crush on him for a while, and Twist keeps telling me I should get to know him, since I've hardly ever spoken to him at school. He was at my birthday party, too, but that's just because you invited almost everypony; I didn't get to talk to him or anything when he was over."
"I think I remember him," Ditzy said hesitantly. "Was he the white earth pony with the brown spots?"
"That's him," Dinky said. "He seems sweet and well behaved, unlike the other colts in my class. And his accent is so cute."
Ditzy laughed. "Well, don't worry. We'll get you two acquainted in no time."
The pegasus passed over the last buildings on the northern edge of Ponyville, and the fair came into view in the fields up ahead. Dozens of colorful tents covered several square acres. Music could be heard faintly from a few of the performances taking place far below. The smells of fresh-cooked hay fries and tasty fruit pies wafted tantalizingly up into the sky. Ditzy angled her wings and touched down outside the edge of the fair complex.
"Alright, the first thing I need to do is find somewhere to hide," Ditzy said. "After all, we can't have the target finding out that I'm helping you, can we?"
"It probably doesn't matter, considering you're my mom," Dinky observed. "I mean, that would avert most suspicion, unless he hears you talking about shipping. But let's follow protocol anyway, just in case."
Ditzy nodded. "I'll keep myself hidden under the south stage," she said, pointing to one of the many performance areas the fair sported. "I can see most of the booths and tents from there, and you can crawl under and talk to me when you need advice. Just don't let Pipsqueak know!"
Dinky gasped suddenly; Pipsqueak had just rounded a corner and came into view a few tents away.
"I gotta' make myself scarce," Ditzy said. "Just go talk to Pipsqueak and ask him if he wants to hang out for a while, and come talk to me as soon as you can get away."
Dinky nodded, and Ditzy scrambled across the plaza and ducked under the stage, watching from the shadows.
Dinky took a deep breath to calm herself, and trotted toward the place Pipsqueak was standing. The colt was purchasing some cotton candy, and didn't notice her approach.
"Hi, Pip," the filly squeaked, using the nickname all the other foals at school usually called the colt.
Pipsqueak jumped a little at the sound of his name and spun to face the pony who had addressed him.
"Oh, hi Dinky," he replied. There was a short silence, in which the colt glanced at the sugary treat he was holding, then back at the unicorn. "Um… want some cotton candy?"
"I…uh… sure," Dinky responded, taken off guard by the friendly offer from a pony she hardly knew. "Thanks, Pip."
"It's nothing," Pipsqueak replied, passing a lump of the fuzzy pink mass to Dinky.
Another short silence endured as both foals dug into their snack.
"So, Pip," Dinky chanced, trying her best to sound casual in front of her crush. "The rest of my friends aren't here yet. Want to walk around the fair with me for awhile?"
Pipsqueak nodded. "Why not? I don't have any plans."
Dinky smiled. "Okay, but… first I need to, uh, use the little filly's room. Back in a minute."
Pip nodded and watched the unicorn trot away. Once she was out of sight, the colt glanced around, before stealthily ducking into an unmanned ticket booth. Closing the door of the small space carefully behind him, he turned and looked up at the other pony hidden inside; a white pegasus with a dark grey mane and a green beret.
"It worked, Uncle Cloudcover!" Pipsqueak announced excitedly. "I shared my cotton candy with her, and she asked me to hang out!"
"Brilliant!" Cloudcover replied. "Now, the best thing to do from here is to just get to know her better. You two need to enjoy yourselves at the fair for a bit and get to be friends. Ride a few rides, play some games, see a show or two, and remember to keep being just as polite and social as you can. Then again, I'm sure you do that anyway; I can't imagine somepony not liking a perky little colt like you."
Pipsqueak grinned. "Okay, I'll go find her again. Thanks for the help, uncle. You're a real good shipper."
"One thing, before you go," Cloudcover interjected. "What was this filly's name again?"
"Her name's Dinky."
Cloudcover nodded, and watched as his nephew trotted back out into the plaza. Dinky… he thought. Now, I know I've heard that name once or twice before… but where?
"Now, do you understand what you need to do?" Ditzy asked.
"Yeah, it's easy!" Dinky replied. "I should just treat him like he's one of my regular friends, and pretty soon, he'll become one."
"Right," the mare affirmed. "This is your best chance to build a bond with him. Once he gets to know you, he'll probably start to like you!"
"Alright, I'm going to go and try," Dinky said. "I'll come back if I have another question."
The filly clambered out of the crawlspace beneath the stage and ran back to meet up with Pipsqueak.
Things went like a dream for both foals for the next hour or so. Dinky and Pipsqueak trotted all around the fair, having a blast with its many novelties and attractions. They took a ride on the Ferris wheel, attended a short concert performed by a traveling polka band (and led by Granny Smith's brother, old Apple Strudel), and took a look into the pens full of prize-winning farm animals. They even entered a pie eating contest; Pipsqueak was impressed when Dinky managed to place 6th, beating about half a dozen adult ponies also competing.
Soon, the two trotted onto another walkway that was lined with carnival games. Each pony had a few bits with them, so it was possible for them to play a few games on the way by.
Suddenly, Dinky spotted the grand prize hanging at one of the stands; the official princess dress-up kit. The box on the shelf showed a colorful picture of its contents; a plastic crown, chestpiece, and shoes, all modeled to look like the royal garb of Princess Celestia, but resized to be worn by a filly. Dinky was spellbound.
"Pip, I'm gonna' try to win this one!" Dinky announced, trotting over to the stand.
"Step right up, little filly!" The stand's operator announced. "It's just one bit to try and win big!"
Dinky placed her coin on the counter. "What do I have to do to win the Princess dress-up kit?" she asked.
"It's very simple," the other pony explained. "You just have to use this little pop-gun to knock down all five pirate ships."
As the pony finished speaking, a number of cardboard ships appeared above a backdrop of painted waves, and began to move around quickly as the mechanism beneath switched their positions. Dinky took aim and began to fire the corks from the popgun.
The little moving ships, however, were a little faster than she anticipated; the first few shots bounced harmlessly off the watery backdrop.
Dinky aimed more carefully and fired again, managing to knock over one of the targets. But, to her dismay, the removal of one of the targets caused the others to begin to move even faster. Dinky fired the toy weapon again and again in vain, and soon, she was all out of ammo. The game stopped and the cardboard ships disappeared.
"This thing is rigged," Dinky mumbled. "C'mon Pip, I guess we'll play something else."
"Wait," the colt insisted. "Let me try it."
"What's the point?" Dinky asked. "They get faster every time you hit one; nopony could hit the last few, I bet."
Pipsqueak didn't respond. Instead, he placed a coin on the counter, which was swept up quickly by the grinning booth operator. Pipsqueak picked up the toy gun, and once again, the five targets appeared and began to move.
The brown and white colt barely needed more than a second and a quick glance before his first shot was fired. The first ship went down immediately.
"Nice shot," Dinky commented, somewhat impressed.
Pipsqueak mumbled a quick word of thanks as he concentrated on hitting the second target. After a moment, he took a second shot, and the cork bounced off the side of a second moving target. He had already gotten further than Dinky.
Now the cardboard boats began to move at impressive speed. Dinky was sure Pipsqueak wouldn't be able to hit another, but he did, just barely. Interestingly, this victory did not elicit another speed increase, and, after one missed shot, the colt managed to hit the fourth boat as well.
Suddenly, there was a loud whir from the game's mechanism, and the last remaining boat abruptly doubled in speed, zipping around the tiny stage almost too quickly to follow.
"Oh, come on!" Dinky groaned. "That's just ridiculous."
Pipsqueak's head darted left and right, his eyes trained on the cardboard target that was now the only thing between him and victory. He still had five more shots; just one of them had to hit the little ship.
The colt aimed carefully and let another cork fly, but the ship whizzed out of the way, and he missed by over a foot. Making the proper estimation adjustments in his mind, he fired again, striking much closer, but still missing his target.
Dinky watched silently from behind, unwilling to let herself believe that Pipsqueak might actually manage to win this silly game.
Pipsqueak fired his eighth shot with perfect timing; it should have struck the boat dead on. But at the very last second, the target sporadically changed direction. A coincidence?
It's got some sort of sensor! Pipsqueak suddenly realized. It's programmed to turn around if it realizes it's moving into the path of the cork! Which means…
The colt stared at the boat, watching its movements for another few seconds. Slowly, he closed one eye and aimed the pop-gun, concentrating hard on his next maneuver.
Pop! Pop!
Pipsqueak fired both the remaining corks, one right after the other. The first flew directly toward the boat, which, exactly as he had anticipated, immediately changed direction…
…moving directly into the path of the second shot.
The booth's owner gasped as the last of the tiny targets fell down, and the bell rang, indicating a winner. Muttering something of likely obscene content to himself, the owner begrudgingly lifted the prize from the top shelf and placed it on the counter.
Pipsqueak turned to the filly next to him, putting his hoof to her chin and gently closing her mouth, which had dropped open in shock at the result of the game. "Well, go ahead, take it," he said. "I don't want it."
An enormous smile washed over Dinky's features. "Thank you Pipsqueak!" she cried delightedly. "Thank you so much!"
Dinky embraced the colt briefly, before recalling her feelings for him and drawing back in embarrassment. Both foals blushed slightly.
"Uh… hmm…" Dinky struggled to scramble out of the awkward situation she had created. "Why don't I go take this prize to my mom; I think she's around here somewhere. She can hold onto it until I go home."
"Uh, yeah, good idea," Pipsqueak agreed, also eager for a quick repose from the sudden, uncomfortable mood. "I'll meet up with you in a bit."
Dinky nodded, and trotted away with her princess dress up set in tow. She galloped across the fair and ducked under the stage again, where Ditzy was still hidden.
"I saw the whole thing," Ditzy whispered when her daughter approached. "Looks like things are going really well so far."
"Yeah," Dinky agreed. "I think that hug may have been overkill a little, but it shouldn't matter. What should I do now?"
Ditzy attempted to respond, but was interrupted by the loud sound of hoofsteps overhead. Somepony was now on the stage above their heads; some sort of show was about to start. Already, a crowd was gathering around the stage's perimeter, making it impossible for Ditzy or Dinky to crawl out undetected. The filly looked at her mother with concern.
"Uh… now what?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You're doing a positively smashing job out there, kiddo!" Cloudcover insisted. "Winning that prize for Dinky was a fantastic move on your part. That filly's going to be head-over-hooves for you in no time!"
Pipsqueak grinned. "I never would have been able to do that if you hadn't taught me how to play the shooting gallery at that arcade back in Trottingham." He responded.
Cloudcover nodded at the recollection. "Now, Pipsqueak," he continued. "It's time to move on to the next phase. You should tell Dinky that you really like her, and that you want to be her very good friend from now on. Then the two of you can take the relationship wherever you want in the future; after all, you two see each other almost every day in school."
"Okay, sounds easy," Pipsqueak said.
"Don't get ahead of yourself," Cloudcover warned. "Admitting to somepony that you really like them isn't something to do lightly. Since you two are just kids, the effect doesn't necessarily have to be that profound, but you don't want to overdo it and scare her off or anything. It's all about the timing… and the circumstances. I think I'll take a chance and sneak out of this booth, and see if there's anything I can do to help you out from out there."
The two ponies emerged from the ticket booth. In the sea of tourists visiting the fair, it was easy for Cloudcover to appear to be nothing more than a nonchalant fairgoer.
"Now…" he mumbled under his breath to Pipsqueak. "Where'd Dinky go?"
Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of corny show tunes. Pipsqueak and Cloudcover turned to the source of the sound; a show of some sort was beginning on the south stage.
"Now what's this all about?" Cloudcover asked as he watched two nearly identical tan unicorns stride out to center stage.
A few dozen feet away, a certain grey pegasus beneath the stage knew exactly what this was about.
"Oh great," the mare whined. "It's the Flim Flam Brothers again. I haven't seen them around Ponyville since last cider season. I wonder what they're trying to sell this time?"
Indeed, the two infamous salesponies had not shown their faces in the vicinity of Ponyville for quite some time. Even so, it was apparent that the town's residents hadn't quite forgotten the cider incident, and a few of the crowd members showed less-than-positive reactions to the reappearance of the twin unicorns. However, the pair appeared completely undeterred, proceeding to begin their pitch.
"Good afternoon, Ponyville!" Flim announced cheerfully. "And might I say how positively lovely it is to see you all again!"
"Indeed," agreed Flam. "It's not every day my brother and I get to visit a town with such wonderfully smart, well-rounded folks as we see right here."
"Give me a break…" Ditzy mumbled from below.
"Now, many of you may remember us," Flim continued. "We've swung by this charming village before, and unfortunately, there was a small issue with the quality control standards of our product during our last visit."
"And for that, we must apologize," Flam picked up. "But anypony can make a mistake, and there's no sense getting worked up over a teensy production error."
"But even if you aren't particularly convinced," Flim said. "It doesn't matter, because my brother and I have abandoned the cider business in favor of something even more exciting!"
"And now we're here to share the fruits of our newest invention with the residents of this fine town, and all the surrounding areas, from right here at Ponyville's own classic county fair!" Flam finished.
Flim and Flam's charisma was managing to turn even a skeptical crowd to their favor. Truly, if nothing else, these two were fantastic when it came to the delivery of a sales pitch.
"So now that we've got your attention," Flim said smoothly. "I'd like you all to imagine a hypothetical situation with me. I'm sure some of you here are young ponies, and given all of the fabulous and highly nutritional products available in todays market, you are all probably growing into healthy, strong and good looking adults."
"I think they're all those kinds of ponies, Flim," Flam agreed. "Just look at this crowd. Gorgeous."
"Yes, but certainly, Flam, you remember the downside that comes with growing into a strapping young stallion or lovely young mare."
"And what's that, Flim?"
"Why, you constantly need to buy new horseshoes!" Flim announced. "Those little hooves get big quickly, and horseshoes become mighty uncomfortable once they get just the tiniest bit too small."
"Oh dear, you're right," Flam agreed. "But I guess it's not that big of a deal, right? I mean, once you're fully grown, your horseshoes should always fit."
"Ah, yes, Flam," Flim said. "But what if you're a very hard working, active pony, as I'm sure many of the admirable ponies in this town are?"
Flam gasped in mock horror. "Why, your horseshoes would wear out! Probably very often, as a matter of fact."
Flim turned to the crowd. "What do you think, folks? Is this ever a problem for any of you?"
Quite a few ponies nodded. A murmur broke out through the crowd.
"Well, then it's a good thing the two of us stopped by the fair today!" Flim cried. "You see, my particularly pert partner and I have produced a product to parry this problematic pony predicament. Fillies and Gentlecolts, may I present to you, The Flim Flam Brothers Do-it-yourself-in-thirty-seconds Horseshoe Tuner-Upper machine!"
Flam pulled the tarp of a large object that had been sitting on the stage behind the brothers, revealing a contraption about as tall as a pony, full of all sorts of buttons and lights and looking every bit as complicated as the twins' last invention with which they had almost overtaken Sweet Apple Acres.
"Feast your eyes, everypony!" Flam yelled triumphantly. "This marvelous machine is capable of taking any horseshoe, and quickly modifying it to fit any hoof! And while it's at it, it has the courtesy to tune up the shoe as well, so even the most dinged-up and rusty old horseshoe comes out looking good as new! You'll never have to buy horseshoes again, so eventually it pays for itself!"
"But don't take our word for it," Flim said. "Let's get a volunteer up here to show everypony how it works!"
Flim glanced down through a crack in the floorboards; he'd been perfectly aware that two ponies were tucked beneath the stage since the show had started.
"I think we have ourselves an eager beaver, Flam," Flim announced. "I see you down there, under the stage. Come on up and get a free horseshoe treatment!"
Dinky and Ditzy exchanged a glance. At this point, their presence was known anyway; there was no point in continuing to hide. Both ponies crawled out and Ditzy hopped onto the stage in response to Flim's request.
"Now, my dear, if you would be so kind," Flim began. "Could you please place your hoof on the scanner on the Horseshoe Tuner-Upper?"
"Uh… okay," Ditzy agreed. She walked up to the large machine and placed her hoof on the pad, while Flam chucked a dented, twisted old horseshoe into the machine's receptacle.
At the back of the crowd, Cloudcover squinted, not sure if he could believe his eyes.
"My word, could that actually be…"
"Haha, look!" Pipsqueak chuckled. "Dinky's mom is the volunteer!"
"Dinky's what?!" Cloudcover cried.
"Everything is in place. Time to give it some power!" Flam announced. "Ready Flim?"
"Ready Flam."
"Let's Bing Bang ZAM!"
A burst of green magic erupted from the horns of both unicorns, causing the machine to spring to life. Ditzy watched uneasily as the machine in front of her hummed and whirred, apparently modifying the input horseshoe to match her hoof.
"Yes, folks, it's actually happening!" Flim announced proudly. "At this very moment, the machine is using its precise measurements of this mare's hoof to re-mould the rapidly-heated horseshoe into the proper shape and size. In a few moments, it will be super-cooled back to room temperature before being placed onto the volunteer's hoof, perfectly good as new, fully shined, and looking like it was just purchased moments ago!"
Soon, a green light lit up on the panel, indicating the horseshoe's completion. A small set of pincers on a flexible rod extended, lifting Ditzy's hoof into the air, and taking Ditzy with it.
"Hey! Ow! Stop it!" The mare said angrily.
"Just relax, madam," Flam said calmly. "The machine merely wants to put on your brand new horseshoe."
"I can put on a horseshoe just fine by myself, thanks," Ditzy grumbled, still struggling against the device's grip. Much to her surprise, another flexible claw shot out, grabbing and restraining another leg.
"Stop struggling!" Flim urged. "The machine is programmed to hold you in place until it can complete its task."
"But this is uncomfortable," Ditzy complained. She flapped her wings a bit to try to roll herself into a more favorable position in midair, but this action caused the machine to extend a larger claw and bind her wings. Now very angry and somewhat panicked, the pegasus began to thrash about, causing more and more restraining arms to grab her, as Flim and Flam watched uncomfortably, unable to do anything to stop their contraption.
"Mom!" Dinky screamed. "Oh no!"
"That's enough," Cloudcover growled, stamping his hoof. "I've got to help Ditzy out."
Pipsqueak glanced up at his uncle in confusion. "You know her?"
"I'll explain later!" Cloudcover replied, launching himself into the air.
In a flash, the white pegasus had darted over the heads of the stunned crowd, hovering in the air over Ditzy.
"Hang on, Ditzy old girl, I'll get you out of there," he announced. He wrapped his front hooves around the middle of the mare's body and pulled against the strength of the flexible rods. There was a snapping sound, and several of the mechanical arms came loose with a flurry of green sparks. Many others hung on, however. Flapping madly, Cloudcover pulled even harder, and soon the whole machine began to tip.
Cloudcover paid no heed, and with a final tug, sent the heavy machine toppling. All the arms were crushed under its bulk, freeing Ditzy from the other end of their length. The top of the whole machine also unlatched and popped open, spilling out a mountain of horseshoes of various sizes, including the ratty old one Flam had thrown in, which remained completely unmodified.
"Look at that!" cried an enraged bystander. "That horseshoe hasn't changed a bit."
"This thing doesn't modify horseshoes at all!" somepony else announced. "It just stores a whole bunch of different ones inside, and gives you a new one when you put in an old one. Flim and Flam are trying to scam us!"
The unicorn brothers gulped. "Well, Flam, it looks like some compromising new information has come to light." Flim said.
"Shall we run for it, Flim?"
"I think we should, Flam."
The twins turned tail and bolted, chased by a large and angry mob of Ponyville residents.
"I have an idea, Flim," Flam said, almost casually as the two ponies sprinted.
"What is it, Flam?"
"Maybe we should design more products that actually do what they're advertised to do one of these days."
There was a short silence, and then both unicorns burst out laughing as they disappeared into the distance, the angry mob still in pursuit.
Dinky and Pipsqueak clambered onto the now nearly deserted stage, where Ditzy sat recovering. Cloudcover floated overhead, looking back and forth between Ditzy and Dinky with dawning comprehension.
"Mom, are you alright?" Dinky asked.
"I'm gonna' be a little sore… but I'm fine," Ditzy said. "Thanks, Cloudcover. I didn't expect to see you here, but I'm sure glad you were around."
"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Pipsqueak chimed in. "Uncle Cloudcover, how do you know Dinky's mom anyway?"
"Uncle Cloudcover?" Ditzy gasped. "But wait, that means… Cloudcover, are you, you know, on assignment right now?"
Cloudcover nodded. "Now you see what has happened, I take it?"
Ditzy's mouth hung open for a moment. "That… but… really?"
"Assignment?" Pipsqueak asked. "So Dinky, does that mean your mom works with my uncle at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services?"
"Your uncle works there too?" Dinky gasped. "But we were here to… I mean…"
Dinky seemed to understand what had happened all at once. She turned to Pipsqueak with a broad grin.
"…What?" asked Pipsqueak, somewhat weirded-out by his friend's expression. "Am I missing something?"
"Don't you see what happened?" the filly asked. "You asked your uncle to help you start a relationship… with me. Right?"
Pipsqueak's face flushed. "Uh… yeah…" he admitted.
"And…" announced Dinky proudly. "I hired my mom to help me start a relationship with you!"
Pipsqueak gasped. "Really? So you like me too?"
"Of course!" Dinky squealed, grabbing up Pipsqueak in another (much less awkward) hug. "Does this mean you'll be willing to hang out with me at school then?"
"Well, sure!" Pipsqueak answered.
Ditzy and Cloudcover smiled from nearby as the foals new, stronger friendship blossomed. "I think we should celebrate," Ditzy announced. "Let's all go to my cottage and have some muffins!"
Cloudcover sipped some tea and munched delightedly on Ditzy's fantastic homemade muffins as the mare trotted to the kitchen to get another batch from the oven.
"These are magnificent," Cloudcover complimented when she returned. "An excellent way to calm down after a day like today, wouldn't you say?"
Ditzy had too much muffin in her mouth to answer, so she just nodded.
On the floor nearby, Dinky and Pipsqueak chatted eagerly about a variety of topics, now that all uncertainty between them had vanished.
"You know, Dinky," Pipsqueak said. "You remind me a little of a unicorn friend I had back in Trottingham. She was a bright little filly; she attended Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns."
"Ah, yes," Cloudcover called from the table. "I'm rather surprised Dinky doesn't attend the Academy, given her level of knowledge."
"What's Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns?" Ditzy asked.
Cloudcover looked stunned. "You've got a unicorn as a daughter, and you've never heard of Celestia's Academy? Preposterous!"
"It's an academy for magical study," Dinky piped up. "I heard about it in school. Students can stay in dormitories in a castle and everything! I've always wanted to attend."
"Well why didn't you tell me?" Ditzy asked. "I think we'll send in an application so you can have an interview."
"Really?!" Dinky gasped. "We can? Oh mom, you're the best!"
Dinky hugged her mom; the mare patted her daughter's head softly.
"This has been the best day ever," the little unicorn sighed.
"And many more good days are coming," Ditzy whispered. "I'm so glad everything is sorted out between us now."
Dinky just smiled affectionately and snuggled more deeply into her mother's embrace.
The next three or four months were some of the happiest times Ditzy had had in years. With the cat finally out of the bag about her job, the mare found herself able to be honest with her daughter more fully than she had since beginning her employment there. Breeze was promptly invited to dinner once again, and this time, the three ponies were able to have a proper conversation, in which the two adult ponies discussed some of their funniest and most memorable moments in the business. Dinky had laughed herself almost to tears by the time Ditzy finished her story about her visit to Pinkie Pie's imaginary world.
Ditzy still often found herself wondering about Glow's strangely sound logic that countered Candyfloss's theory of shipping. But the generally positive nature of her home life, combined with continued support from her friends at work and her still phenomenal success rates at her assignments left her with little reason to dwell on it. Glow herself seemed content for the moment to allow Ditzy to stew in her own thoughts, and the pegasus was glad her rival hadn't tried to add any more misery to her life lately.
Rumors were going around that Glow's already impressive shipping success rates were increasing as well, but not as fast as Ditzy's. At this rate, it wouldn't be much longer until the grey mare passed Glow's totals and obtained the company record. The other employees encouraged Ditzy to continue to shine, since their opinions of Glow (Breeze's in particular) had plummeted since Ditzy's arrival had led the unicorn to display the full extent of her nastiness. Ditzy was often met with congratulations from her more sociable coworkers when she returned triumphant from yet another assignment, often just as much for the purpose of spiting Glow then celebrating the pegasus' success.
One more new item kept Ditzy's agenda quite busy; the application process to get Dinky into Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns. Almost immediately after Cloudcover's visit, Ditzy had delved into research about the prestigious school, and was amazed to learn about the many awards it had won and fantastic students it had produced; Ponyville held a notable example in the form of Twilight Sparkle. It was unquestionably the best institution for magical study anywhere in Equestria. Princess Celestia herself even took the time to teach one of the most advanced classes, and Princess Luna, who had far fewer royal duties, taught several. The application process, however, was lengthy; Ditzy found herself plagued with paperwork as she tried to send just about every bit of existing information about her daughter to the office of the Academy's dean in Canterlot. It was a taxing process; Ditzy spent hours sifting through her family records. But perhaps it would be worth it if Dinky could have a shot at getting Equestria's best magical education.
And so, it was business as usual, until one sunny autumn afternoon; Ditzy trotted back into headquarters, already through with her assignment, and unaware that a very eventful day was actually just getting started.
The lounge door swung open, and the mare took two steps into the room before finding herself suddenly nose to nose with Glow. The unicorn wore an almost bored expression, staring at Ditzy with her cold eyes.
"Ditzy," she greeted, with no hint of emotion in her voice. "How are you?"
Ditzy took a step back to prevent Glow's continued impingement on her personal space. "I'm… fine. Why?"
"I suspect you were successful today, as usual?" Glow continued, still acting as if she could hardly care less about the other mare's answer.
"Why?" asked Ditzy curtly.
Glow opened her mouth to respond, but closed it again after a moment. The blank stare the unicorn was delivering was beginning to put the grey mare on edge.
"Look, Glow, get to the point," Ditzy chanced, knowing Glow would be reluctant to let her anger explode when the others were present. "What do you actually want?"
"I took a peek at some of the recent assignment files," the unicorn said. I can't help but notice the numbers there. They're… intriguing, to say the least."
"I hadn't noticed," Ditzy answered honestly. "I haven't looked at the records in months."
"Well, the records show the current total success rates for our assignments. And I believe as of last night, they showed a most startling proportion. It seems that you, Ditzy dear, are now only one success behind me. A single mission; that's all that keeps you trailing my lofty record."
"Well, how about that," said Ditzy with a smirk. "I bet now you're worried that we're tied. But you'll get a little break today; I failed my assignment this morning."
Glow's features showed relief, but only for an instant, before she caught herself and molded them back into the thoughtless stare once again. "I see."
"But it shouldn't matter, really," Ditzy said. "I've told you ages ago, I don't care about the numbers, Glow. I care about helping ponies who need me."
Glow's temper flared, but she didn't yell; instead she responded in more of an angry hiss.
"Listen you wall-eyed waste of space. I will always be the best here at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. Don't you dare let yourself believe that you will overtake my record."
"We'll see," said Ditzy defiantly.
A conveniently timed call from Candyfloss sent Glow away to her assignment. Ditzy watched her disappear, and with an indignant snort, turned and trotted over to Breeze as usual.
"That's the spirit," Breeze said as his coworker arrived at his side. "Don't let her get to you; she's just full of hot air like always."
"It still bugs me though…" Ditzy said. "I just can't find a way around Glow's argument about how shipping really works. I mean, I failed today's mission, and because of her, I have to wonder if I just messed up the future of another couple of love-struck ponies."
"But why would Candyfloss lie to you?" Breeze asked. "You've got his explanation, and you've got Glow's. How is that even a contest?"
"I know what you mean," Ditzy answered. "I'm kind of conflicted. On one hoof, Candyfloss is a pony I can trust; he's friendly and supportive and has no reason to lie to me, as far as I know, while Glow has given me every reason to mistrust her. But on the other hoof, all Candyfloss has is a theory; believing him is based on faith in his wisdom, not fact. Glow's argument uses hard evidence to disprove what he says."
"Maybe there's a hole in Glow's logic somewhere?" Breeze suggested. "Are you sure she isn't just giving you a partial view of the situation, so that from her custom vantage point, it only looks like she's right?"
"I've been trying to find a hole like that for months now," Ditzy claimed. "But, as much as I hate to admit it, Glow isn't the easiest pony to outsmart."
"You're getting under her skin as much as she's getting under yours, though," Breeze said slyly. "She is not too happy about you attempting to pass her record. Watt follows her around sometimes, and he mentioned to me that Glow spends a lot of time ranting about you when outside the office."
Ditzy grinned. "Well, I suppose anypony would be a little miffed if somepony beat their record without even trying."
"And in such a short time, too," Breeze commented. "How long have you been working here anyway?"
"Well, tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I was fired from Cloudsdale Mail and Freight," Ditzy pointed out. "Which means the day after that is the anniversary of the day I was hired here."
Breeze shook his head in disbelief. "It only took you a year to catch up to Glow? That's pretty darn impressive, Ditzy."
"Thanks," the mare responded. "Everything I told Glow is true, though. I really don't care if my record is better than hers. But I suppose I won't complain if it is!"
The pegasi laughed for a moment, but were suddenly interrupted by the grating sound preceding an announcement on the loudspeaker.
"Mr. Breeze and Miss Ditzy, I would like to see you both in my office."
"Wonder what Candyfloss wants?" Breeze remarked. Ditzy shrugged as she followed the stallion down the narrow stairwell to Candyfloss's office.
"Ah, good, you're here," the unicorn said as his two employees entered. "Breeze, here's an assignment for you," he handed Breeze the usual slip of paper with a few lines scrawled on the front. "And Ditzy, I'm quite aware that you've already been out once today, but might I trouble you to take a second job?"
"Sure, I guess," Ditzy replied. "Two jobs in one day is kind of strange, though. What's the occasion?"
"It is a most unusual circumstance, actually," Candyfloss observed. "The pony on the line sounded quite flustered. He claimed that if he couldn't get a shipper today, he would never have a chance again. It's possible that this was an exaggeration, but the urgency in the poor stallion's voice led me to agree to his plea. Would you please go and hear his request, at least?"
"Of course," Ditzy answered. "I don't mind taking another mission today."
"Excellent," Candyfloss replied. "Here's the address. Good luck to both of you, as always."
Both pegasi trotted out of the building and took off in separate directions, launching into their next adventure.
The grey mare glanced around, bewildered. She stood out in the open, perched on a grassy knoll in the center of a large, empty clearing on the edge of the Everfree Forest. Nearly a mile from the nearest sign of civilization, Ditzy wondered what kind of pony could possibly want to meet her here… and why they hadn't shown themselves yet…
"Hello?!" she called, much more loudly. "Is anypony here?"
The light sound of hoofsteps on the grass behind her caused Ditzy's ears to perk up. She turned around, locking eyes with a unicorn half-concealed between the trees.
"Well, come on out," the mare insisted. "You're the one looking for me, aren't you?"
The unicorn took a few more steps forward, so that his whole figure was visible. Ditzy didn't recognize him at all, and that in itself was uncanny; her years as a mailmare had led her to recognize almost everypony in Ponyville and the surrounding area, by sight if not by name. But she couldn't recall having ever laid her misaligned eyes on this pony before.
The stallion staring cautiously towards her from the edge of the clearing sported a dull yellow coat and a short, somewhat spiky red mane. His teal eyes were wide, and darted around nervously. From this distance, it was difficult for Ditzy to make out his Cutie Mark; it looked like… some sort of cube?
"I don't have all day," said Ditzy impatiently. "Did you call Equestria Speedy Shipping Services or not?"
"It… it is you…" the unicorn mumbled, his voice full of wonder as he strode cautiously up to Ditzy. "Dear Celestia, it… it's really Derpy Hooves!"
"Who?" Ditzy asked.
The unicorn seemed not to hear. "Derpy! I can't believe I'm really meeting you!"
Ditzy scrunched up her nose. "Sir, I think you might have me confused with somepony else. My name's Ditzy Doo."
"Oh. Yeah, okay," said the unicorn thoughtfully. But his pensive expression quickly returned to excitement. "That's not the point, though! I'm actually meeting you, and that means I'm actually here!"
"Actually… where?" Ditzy asked.
"In Equestria, of course," the unicorn replied in a matter-of-fact sort of way. "And I thought the guys in Research and Development would never get the portal working!"
Ditzy raised an eyebrow. "I don't follow. Are you feeling alright, sir?"
"That's irrelevant too!" he announced. "But I see I'm confusing you a little. So let me tell you a little secret to make things clearer…"
The unicorn leaned over, glancing once more around the obviously empty clearing to make sure no one was watching or listening in.
"The truth is… I'm from another dimension!"
There was a long, long pause. Ditzy stared blankly at the unicorn, who simply stared right back with an enormous grin plastered on his face.
"Look, sir," Ditzy said as calmly as possible. "I've already had a busy day. Can you please just tell me your name and the pony you want to be shipped with?"
"My name?" the yellow pony asked. "Uh… I'm not sure I can say. If I tell you, it might cause both our dimensions to collapse. At least, that's what they told me in the lab before they threw me through the gateway…"
Ditzy pounded her hoof against her forehead in frustration. "Fine. Then what should I call you?"
"Uhh…" the unicorn tapped his hoof in thought for a few moments, but didn't come to any conclusion.
"How about 'Cube'?" Ditzy suggested, again eyeing the pony's Cutie Mark, which was indeed a cube, covered in mysterious red designs. "You know, because of your Cutie Mark."
The stallion blinked. "Cube, huh?" he repeated. "Not bad I guess. At least for today."
"Good," Ditzy grumbled. "Now, can we please get on with this?"
"Oh, before we do the shipping thing," Cube started. "Could you do me a favor first?"
Ditzy groaned. "Now what do you want?"
Cube scraped his hoof on the ground in mild embarrassment. "Well, uh… I kind of need to make sure I can actually get home after this is over. You wouldn't happen to know anypony who might know how to get me back home again later today?"
Ditzy gave her client an incredulous expression. "Even if you did travel here from another dimension, what kind of featherbrain would do so without a solid way to get back again?"
"Call it a minor oversight," Cube said, blushing slightly.
Ditzy frowned. "I can't tell if you're telling the truth about all this, or if you're just a nutcase. But lucky for you, I know somepony who can answer both our questions."
Cube brightened. "Cool! Let's go see them right now!"
"Fine," Ditzy sighed. "Once we talk to him, then can we work on your actual assignment?"
The heavy wooden door swung open, knocking into the tiny brass bell that signaled the arrival of customers. Ditzy trotted into Ponyville's only curiosity shop, a small, musty, somewhat dark wooden building full nearly to bursting with all manner of random assorted collectibles. The unicorn currently known as Cube crept in behind her, gazing around the small store in wonder.
The room was full of hundreds of items, not conforming to any one theme, time period, or standard of quality. In other words, the room held something for just about everypony. A lopsided bookcase was stuffed with dozens of texts, ranging from strange, ancient tomes to colorful children's books. A stack of knickknacks sat in the corner, gathering dust. One wall was covered in clocks; each one displayed a different time.
"What's this place?" Cube asked. "I've never seen it on the show…"
Ditzy glanced back at her bewildering companion. "What show?"
"Err… never mind!" Cube said quickly. "Why don't we meet that friend of yours now?"
Shaking her head in frustration, the mare placed her front hooves on the counter, looking toward the door to the back room.
"Doctor! It's Ditzy! Are you here?" she called.
"One moment," replied an accented voice. A few seconds passed, and then a brown earth pony with an hourglass for a Cutie Mark emerged from the storage area to greet the customers.
"Ah, Ditzy!" the earth pony said happily. "It's been quite some time since I've seen you here. And I see you brought a friend today!"
The stallion trotted over to the surprised yellow unicorn, who was once again wearing the bizarre expression of recognition he had sported when he first laid eyes on Ditzy.
"Hello!" greeted the shop owner cheerfully. "I'm the Doctor."
"Doctor Whooves!" Cube announced, greeting him like he'd known the pony for ages.
"Yes, some ponies do call me that," the Doctor admitted. "I quite like it actually; it's a bit of a play on an old joke if you get my meaning."
The Doctor and Cube both laughed delightedly at their inside joke, leaving Ditzy feeling even more confused than before.
"Look, Doctor," Ditzy said finally. "I need your help. This pony keeps claiming he's from another dimension, and I figured you might know something about that, since you told me once that you were from another dimension, too."
"Really?" asked the Doctor curiously, glancing at Cube with interest. "Well, imagine that. Let's take a look."
The Doctor walked slowly in a circle around the yellow unicorn, examining him carefully as if looking for some telltale feature that would prove the newcomer's claim.
"Well, would you look at that," the earth pony said finally. "He's right. He's not a pony at all; or at least, he wasn't originally."
Ditzy's jaw dropped. "Then what is he?"
"Seems to be human, as far as I can tell," the Doctor said slowly, continuing to examine the unusual unicorn. "But you wouldn't know anything about that, Ditzy. It's not a species native to Equestria." The Doctor turned back to Cube. "What interests me is how you managed to get yourself turned into a pony in the first place," he said to the unicorn.
"Oh, that's easy," Cube said. "The Research team back at… well, back where I came from… figured out how to turn us all into ponies months ago. The hard part was figuring out how to get to Equestria after that."
"So…" the Doctor continued. "You're only looking for a way back to your own place and time, not a way to become human again, am I correct?"
Cube nodded. The Doctor looked relieved.
"Excellent. Because I haven't figured out how to reverse the transformation yet either."
"You two are giving me a headache!" Ditzy complained. "I don't care if either of you are really ponies or not! I just want to know if you can help Cube get back to where he came from!"
"Oh," the Doctor chuckled. "Well, of course. Calibrations will take a few hours, but I can whip up a little something to get you home by the end of the day."
Cube's expression brightened considerably. "Really? That's great news! Now I can go do what I came to Equestria to do in the first place, and then tonight, I can get back home in time for the Nightly Roundup."
Both the Doctor and Ditzy stared uncomprehendingly at the unicorn.
"Do I dare ask what a Nightly Roundup is?" Ditzy asked.
Cube grinned a little awkwardly. "Err… it would be hard to explain… let's just get going, shall we? I think the Doctor has everything taken care of here."
The Doctor nodded in agreement.
Ditzy sighed. "Okay. Where do we need to go?"
Cube scrunched up his nose in thought. "I'm guessing the mare I'm looking for will probably be at the edge of the woods between here and Canterlot."
"Then let's get started," Ditzy replied. "Canterlot isn't exactly a short walking distance away, you know."
The afternoon wore on as the two ponies trotted briskly along the main roadway. Cube never gave Ditzy a moment to herself; the curious unicorn bombarded her with question after question about all matters of daily life in Equestria, many of which concerned matters simple enough that any colt of filly could have answered them instantly. Ditzy was left with no choice but to believe that her client really was a resident of another dimension, as bizarre as the idea was. But if the Doctor was from the same world as Cube, the earth pony certainly did a better job of hiding it in public.
"Hey, Cube," Ditzy said loudly, cutting off the stallion's one-hundred-and-forty-sixth question about the Equestrian world. "Let me give you one piece of advice that will apply regardless of who you want me to ship you with."
Cube's ears perked up. "Yes?"
"You need to stop doing… everything you've been doing since you got here," Ditzy deadpanned. "Nopony is going to like a guy who rants about being from another dimension and asking all sorts of obvious questions. Just… just try to act like a normal pony for an hour or two, okay?"
Cube frowned. "But… what if I don't know the proper Equestrian mannerism for a certain situation? I don't want to make a fool of myself."
"That's what I'm here for," Ditzy said. "To give you advice and instruction to make your date interested in you, without her being aware of my presence."
"Oh," Cube replied. "Gotcha. Thanks for the clarification, Derpy."
"Look, how many times am I going to have to correct you about-"
"Shh!" Cube cut her off. "She's coming! Hide!" The unicorn leapt into the bushes along the roadside, and Ditzy, somewhat startled, decided to do the same.
As the two ponies watched silently from the cover of the brush, a vehicle that could only be described as a cottage on wheels came rolling slowly down the bumpy pathway. The small building was built of yellow painted planks, with a red roof. A pair of shutters adorned with heart patterns covered the only window, and above the small side door hung a purple flag with a light blue symbol on it. The wheeled building rolled to a stop at the edge of the road, just down the embankment from the spot where Ditzy and Cube were concealed. There were a few moments of silence, and then the door to the traveling cottage slammed open, and out strode a mare that both of the hidden ponies immediately recognized.
The owner of the unusual traveling house was a light blue unicorn with a flowing, silvery-blue mane and tail. Her fierce purple eyes matched nicely with the gaudy cape and pointed hat she wore. Both of her accessories were emblazoned with blue and yellow stars, and the cape fastened with a buckle crafted from a large gemstone. The flashy outfit really caused the mare to stand out.
"You're kidding," Ditzy whispered to her client. "That's the pony you want to get shipped with?"
Cube nodded eagerly.
"But… but that's The Great and Powerful Trixie!" Ditzy replied incredulously. "Nopony likes Trixie around here!"
"I do…" Cube replied dreamily, gazing contently at the showmare. "Just look at her. She's gorgeous."
Ditzy looked. Trixie was now attempting rather unceremoniously to dislodge a pinecone fragment that had become trapped between her front teeth. Ditzy glanced at her client once more in disbelief as he uttered an infatuated sigh.
"Okay, fine," the pegasus whispered. "Go down there and say hello. Tell her you're a fan, then ask her to dinner or something. But don't be surprised if her response is less than friendly."
"And if she does accept?" Cube asked.
"Then tell her to meet you there later, so we'll have time to plan your date."
"But how do I even begin a conversation with a mare as perfect as her?" Cube asked. "This isn't just any unicorn. This is the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
"I know she's an attention hog," Ditzy mentioned. "So copious compliments would probably be a good idea."
Cube looked nervous, but he steeled himself and cautiously descended the ridge toward where Trixie sat. The blue unicorn grunted with frustration as she furiously picked at her teeth with her front hoof, still trying in vain to remove the pinecone flake.
"You… you could just do that with magic, you know…" Cube said quietly.
Trixie froze. Her eyes darted over to glance at the newcomer that had suddenly appeared. Immediately, she yanked out the offending bit of pinecone out with a tiny burst of magic, and then rapidly turned and gave her rolling cottage a good hard buck, which caused the walls to collapse outwards, revealing the traveling stage concealed inside. The mare leapt onto the stage to give herself a more imposing appearance before finally addressing Cube.
"Who dares approach the Great and Powerful Trixie?" she yelled.
Cube hunkered down somewhat in front of the intimidating mare, further increasing her illusion of superiority. "Uh, hi my name's C-Cube, and I heard you were traveling near Ponyville, s-so I-"
"You're from Ponyville?" Trixie hissed, her face already twisted in a scowl. "So you've come to berate Trixie, like every other resident of that filthy rat hole, have you?"
"No!" Cube cried. "Absolutely not, oh Great and Powerful Trixie! I came looking for you, because I'm such a big fan, and I really wanted to meet you in person."
Shock crossed Trixie's features briefly, but it was quickly replaced with an arrogant smirk. "Well, isn't that a pleasant surprise. Trixie never thought she'd find somepony from Ponyville who actually carried an ounce of sense in their seemingly empty skull."
Trixie stood on her hind legs, her cape blowing in the breeze, before continuing. "But apparently there is at least one stallion from that dump who actually has class. One who can fully appreciate the magnificence that is The Great and Powerful TRIXIE!"
A string of colorful fireworks erupted in the air behind the mare as she cried out her own name. Cube clapped his front hooves appreciatively at the small display of magic.
"So, adoring fan," Trixie continued. "Why have you sought Trixie out this afternoon?"
"To… to let you know how much I appreciate your show," Cube replied. "And maybe ask for an autograph."
Trixie scoffed. "The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't distribute autographs to just anypony."
Cube's face fell.
"But…" Trixie continued. "Perhaps a pony who has come all the way out here just to bask in the glory of Trixie is deserving of a few moments of Trixie's time."
Positively giggling with glee, the male unicorn produced a sheet of paper from his saddlebag, passing it over to Trixie in a cloud of his magic. Trixie raised a quill in her own magical aura, and with a little flourish, quickly scrawled her name on the parchment.
"There you are," Trixie mused. "Let it ever remind you of the greatest and most powerful unicorn in Equestria."
Trixie turned and began to lift one of the walls of her unfolded stage back up with her magic in an effort to return the vehicle to its original state.
"Hey, wait," Cube called. "Um, I was wondering, before you go… would you like to get some dinner or something? Unless you're busy, of course."
Trixie produced a most unusual expression; a combination of curiosity and haughtiness. "Is the Great and Powerful Trixie to assume that she has just been asked out on a date by a fan she has only just met?"
Cube blushed profusely. "Well… y-yeah, if you want…"
Trixie snorted. "The Great and Powerful Trixie believes that you should consider yourself very lucky that Trixie will not be busy this evening. Perhaps Trixie will humor you and join you on such an outing."
The stallion grinned in excitement, but Trixie held up a hoof before he could speak.
"However," the mare continued. "The matter of venue could be a problem. You see, the Great and Powerful Trixie is no longer welcome in the eateries of Ponyville, nor would she wish to dirty herself in one of that town's nasty grease traps anyway. Canterlot, on the other hoof, is quite a distance from here; it would be far too late by the time we arrived."
Cube put a hoof to his chin in thought. "Maybe… I could go pick up some food at the market, and we could just eat here, by your caravan?"
"Fine," Trixie said dully. "But make haste, peasant, or Trixie shall grow bored and move on."
"Yes, ma'am! I'll be back in a flash!" the stallion proclaimed, before turning tail and bolting down the path toward Ponyville.
Shortly after Cube was out of Trixie's sight, his grey pegasus partner swooped in.
"I have to say, that went better than I thought it would," Ditzy admitted as she followed her client back toward Ponyville. "I wouldn't say Trixie is interested in you, but she appears to tolerate you, and that's enough if you're only after one date with her anyway."
"Yeah!" Cube agreed as he ran. "But I still need your help! This is my one night in Equestria, and I want to make sure it's perfect!"
"Don't worry, I'm not leaving until you're satisfied," Ditzy assured him. "But that reminds me; how much are you going to pay me for this job? You do have some bits, right?"
"Don't worry, I can afford it," Cube chuckled. "How's eight-hundred sound?"
"Eight-hundred bits?!" Ditzy gasped. "That's… that's quite a ways above my usual fare…"
"It's nothing, really," Cube insisted. "I would give you a little more, but I need to pay for the groceries."
Ponyville came into view as the unicorn and the pegasus reached the top of the next hill. "I can get the food," Cube said. "You go back and make sure Trixie doesn't leave. I'll be back as soon as I can."
Ditzy nodded, watching silently as her puzzling client darted away into town.
That unicorn really likes Trixie, she thought to herself. I just wish I could understand why…
Trixie glanced up at the rapidly approaching unicorn, squinting against the light of the setting sun. Cube was carrying a large basket and a blanket in his mouth. The pony staggered to a halt in front of her, setting the basket and its contents carefully on the ground.
"Hmph. It's about time," Trixie complained. "Trixie has met turtles faster than you."
"My apologies, Great and Powerful Trixie," Cube responded, seeming absolutely undeterred by the mare's insult.
Ditzy watched from the bushes once again, unable to understand how her client put up with the stuck-up mare's insults at all, let alone had romantic interest in her despite them. Either way, her job was to ensure his success in whatever endeavor he chose, so she continued to analyze the situation, so she could answer her client's questions when he came asking.
Cube spread the blanket out with his magic, and Trixie plopped down upon it immediately. "I hope you brought something good," the mare grumbled. "The last thing Trixie needs is a dining partner with poor tastes."
"Here," Cube offered, pushing the basket over to his date. "Pick out whatever you'd like."
Trixie glanced down into the basket, and her violet eyes widened in shock. Cube had supplied an astounding assortment of food. A large loaf of fresh bread was still warm beneath its wrappings. A few bright, delicious red apples, as round and juicy as Trixie had ever seen, lay scattered among the other foods. An assortment of fresh vegetables and a large stack of corn fritters filled most of the rest of the basket. One corner held a glass jug of cold milk, and another held a small cardboard box; Trixie couldn't see inside, but Cube had scrawled 'dessert' on the lid with a magic marker.
"Trixie is… impressed," Trixie finally admitted. "Trixie's daily funds do not usually allow her to eat food of this quality. It's a crime, that's what it is! With this level of talent, the Great and Powerful Trixie should be able to afford meals of this caliber thrice a day!"
"Well, until that dream comes true, I hope you enjoy this one, at least," Cube said politely.
Trixie extracted a large slice of bread and one of the apples from the basket, and began to eat. Her dining partner took what was left.
"So," Trixie asked through a mouthful of food. "How did you become such a fan of the Great and Powerful Trixie?"
"Oh, uh…" Cube stuttered. "Well I saw your show in Ponyville, and I thought it was awesome. I've been dying to meet you ever since."
Trixie took a swig of milk. "You didn't think Twilight Sparkle was infinitely better?" she began. "And you didn't wish to shun Trixie, like all of Ponyville's other ponies?"
"No way!" Cube responded. "I mean, Twilight is great and all, but I felt like you didn't get the respect you deserved."
Trixie grinned arrogantly. "Certainly right! The Great and Powerful Trixie has more talent than Twilight Sparkle will ever have!"
Cube finished eating an apple, and watched Trixie do the same. "So, would you like some dessert?"
"That depends," Trixie said. "What did you bring?"
Cube lifted the box with his magic, and flipped open the lid, displaying the contents to Trixie. Again, the mare was caught by surprise. In the box were a half-dozen of her favorite treats; cinnamon-coated pinecones.
From her vantage point, Ditzy caught a hint of some new emotion as it played across Trixie's features for just a moment. The pegasus rubbed her eyes, not sure if she had interpreted the expression correctly.
Could that really have been… gratitude?
Trixie gingerly lifted a pinecone with her magic, gazing at it as her partner set down the box. She took a bite, smiling in satisfaction at the sweet and earthy flavors of her preferred snack.
"Exquisite," she said simply, earning another smile from Cube. "Would you like one?"
"They're for you," the stallion said. "I don't like pinecones anyway."
Trixie looked skeptical. "Don't like pinecones?" she asked. "Or never tried a pinecone?"
Good question, Ditzy thought from her hideaway, realizing she'd never tried a pinecone either. She couldn't think of anypony who had, save for Trixie. The pegasus briefly wondered where the blue unicorn had picked up the habit.
"Okay, you caught me," Cube said. "I can't say I've ever thought them… appetizing."
Wordlessly, Trixie lifted another cinnamon pinecone, and dangled it in front of the yellow unicorn's face. Cube sighed and took the spiny object from the mare, and gingerly took a bite. Trixie smiled smugly as his eyes lit up in surprise.
"Whoa! Way better than I was expecting!"
"Trixie told you," Trixie cooed.
It only took a few minutes for the pair to polish off the entire box of treats. Once they had finished, Cube began packing the supplies back into the basket.
"Well," said Cube slowly. "It's starting to get late. As much as I'd like to hang around, I suppose I should be going."
Trixie said nothing, watching as her date finished packing. He turned to go.
"Wait."
Cube turned back around. "Yes?"
Trixie pointed to the woods. "Trixie knows this lovely trail in the woods. It circles a small lake and looks most beautiful in the moonlight."
Cube raised an eyebrow. "And…?"
Trixie sighed. "And Trixie was wondering… if you'd like to join her for a quick stroll. It should only take a few minutes."
Cube thought for a moment. As pressing as his schedule was, Trixie was actually offering to spend a little more time with him. A few more minutes couldn't hurt.
"Okay, why not."
"Excellent," Trixie declared. "Give Trixie a moment to retrieve her thicker cape. It's beginning to get chilly."
The unicorn trotted into her caravan.
Cube glanced at the tree line expectantly, and after a moment, Ditzy came creeping forward.
"How are you doing that?" the pegasus asked incredulously. "I mean… I don't know how you did it, but you actually might have gotten Trixie to like you!"
"I know!" The stallion whispered excitedly. "What should I do next?"
"I don't know," said Ditzy. "You had your nice dinner with her. Was there anything more you were after?"
"Not really," Cube admitted. "I wanted to meet her and show her I appreciate her more than anything else. What should I say to her while we're in the woods?"
Ditzy pondered this for a moment. "I think you just need to continue showing her your appreciation. If you're never going to see her again, try to make her time with you something she'll remember for a long time."
Cube nodded. "That's good advice. I'll do that."
The sound of hoofsteps approached, and so Ditzy darted back into the brush again.
"This way," Trixie said quietly, pointing to a gap in the trees. The yellow stallion followed the magician along the trail. For a few moments, they walked in silence.
"Um…" Trixie mumbled awkwardly. "Trixie wanted to… to thank you for the meal. It was very pleasant, to say the least."
"Oh, it was no big deal," Cube responded. "I'm just glad I got to share it with my long-time idol."
Trixie produced a tiny smile. "Trixie admits that dining with a fan is not necessarily a bad thing. This evening was more enjoyable than Trixie had anticipated."
Cube chuckled, but was soon quieted by the sight that appeared between the trees. They had reached the lake. The water's surface was completely still, and Luna's moon bathed it in rich silvery light.
"Wow," Cube said softly. "You're right. It's beautiful out here."
Trixie nodded. The two ponies sat quietly for several minutes, staring out at the lake. Several times, Trixie looked like she wanted to say something, but she repeatedly thought better of it and kept quiet. Ditzy watched intently from nearby, interested to see if anything else would come from this quiet moment the ponies shared.
"Trixie has a question for you, Cube," Trixie said suddenly.
Cube glanced at the mare next to him. "Yes?"
Trixie took a deep breath, her expression indiscernible.
"Why…why does everypony hate me?"
This caught both Cube and Ditzy by surprise. For one thing, it was the first time all night Trixie hadn't referred to herself in the third person. And second… the question itself was somewhat shocking. For the first time, Ditzy realized that on the inside, Trixie might not be as hopelessly self-centered as she appeared.
"Everypony doesn't hate you!" Cube responded vehemently. "I mean sure, some of the ponies in Ponyville were less than impressed by your magic, but that's just-"
"It's not just Ponyville," Trixie interrupted. "I receive the same unpleasant welcome in almost every city and town in Equestria. I've grown used to it; it seems nopony is interested in my show. I try to make it bigger and flashier at each new location, but it's never enough. If anything, it increases their dislike."
Trixie looked up, staring at the lake as she continued to speak.
"And then tonight… I met you. And I was reminded of the earliest days of my career; the days when ponies were thrilled to enjoy the spectacular magic show I produced for them. And I have to wonder… what happened to those ponies? Are you the only one left?"
Cube didn't know what to say. He awkwardly gazed at their reflections in the water. A tiny impact distorted the image with ripples; a single tear had fallen from the mare's muzzle.
"Tell me, Cube," Trixie continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "Has all of ponykind become unable to appreciate my honest entertainment anymore? Does a pony like me still have a place among the citizens of this nation?"
"Trixie, I think I might be able to answer that," Cube replied. "But if you want to know, you have to allow me to be painfully, brutally honest with you. I refuse to lash out at the pride of a pony like you without your permission."
Trixie glanced around. "Oh… go ahead. There's nopony else around anyway."
Cube nodded, wondering where to begin. "Trixie, tell me, what kind of performances did you used to put on, back at the beginning of your professional career?"
Trixie's eyes glazed over with memories of a happier time. "The shows were nothing much; any unicorn could perform the type of magic I did back then; I just added a bit of mystery and sleight-of-hoof to it, and the audience ate it up. Certainly, now that I have moved on from those humble beginnings to the dazzling effects I can now produce, it only makes sense that I should be able to wow even more ponies. But it always seems to have the opposite effect."
Cube once again bobbed his head in understanding. "Trixie, I really hate to tell you this, but I don't think your magic is the problem at all; I think it's your showmare attitude."
Trixie started. "What… what do you mean?"
"Something other than your magic has changed since you started your career," Cube answered. "It's how you build yourself up at your performances. Your claims of being Equestria's most powerful unicorn, your insistence that nopony can best you in any skill… and your constant reference to yourself in the third person probably doesn't help either."
"But…" Trixie stuttered. "But that's all necessary! How can I impress an audience if any old pony in the crowd can just walk right on in and upstage me? I need to appear to be the greatest to garner their respect."
"You're missing the point," Cube said. "It's one thing to be good at what you do. It's another to try to be better than other ponies, especially in the field of their own special talent. They're only robbing you of your chance to shine because you insist on robbing them of theirs first."
"But I just… I just wanted to put on a performance so spectacular that everypony could enjoy it," Trixie whimpered. "I never meant to hurt anypony; at least, not until they began to shun me. You can't blame me for becoming bitter…"
"I know that," Cube replied. "But everypony else… well, they only see you as a braggart now; a self-centered unicorn that's only interested in making herself look better than everypony around her."
Cube leaned in closer, staring straight into Trixie's watery eyes. "But that's not what you want at all, is it?"
There was a long silence, but Cube refused to break eye contact with the other unicorn as she processed the information. Finally, Trixie wailed in despair, throwing her forelegs around the stallion and sobbing into his shoulder.
"What have I done!?" she cried. "I've let myself become such a horrible, thoughtless pony. I've made an enemy of everypony I know!"
From her hiding spot, Ditzy could only watch in amazement, utterly dumbfounded. Everything she thought she knew about the blue unicorn's true personality was completely wrong.
"The only thing left that I still don't understand…" Trixie mumbled as she hiccupped away the last of the fit of sobs, "…is how you were able to see the real me. Even I had lost sight of the real me, quite a long time ago, I suppose."
"I've… had a lot of time to think about it," Cube admitted. "And a lot of others to talk it over with." A determined expression came over his face. "Listen to me, Trixie. It's not too late for you to turn everything around and have the career you've always dreamed of. The ponies of Equestria are not as cold and unforgiving as you've always taken them to be."
Trixie gasped. "You think… you think they could still accept me? I haven't ruined my chances to bring the genuine fun of a magic show to Equestria?"
"Of course not," Cube said. "Show a little humility, and soon you'll be the most popular magician around!"
Trixie suddenly gasped. "I just had a brilliant idea!" she announced. "You could come with me and help me with promotions until I can prove to everypony that I've changed!"
Cube shook his head. "As much as I'd love to, I have to leave. In fact… I have to leave right now; I've been here way too long already."
Trixie looked distraught. "Where are you going?"
"Back to where I came from," Cube responded simply. "There are a lot of ponies who need me. And… I don't know when, or if, I'll ever be back."
Trixie was horrified. "You can't! You're the only pony who was able to help me find the part of me I lost. What if I need your help again?"
"You won't," Cube said with a smile. "After all, you're the Great and Powerful Trixie. I'm sure you can handle it."
Trixie smiled weakly. "Well, I suppose…"
Cube's horn began to glow with magic as he prepared to teleport. "If I ever come back, I'll visit and see how you're doing. I promise."
Trixie nodded.
"And one more thing," Cube said, as the air around him began to distort. "Where I come from, you have thousands… no, make that tens of thousands of fans."
"Tens… of thousands?" Trixie asked, with stars in her eyes.
Cube nodded, and then disappeared in a bright flash of yellow light.
Trixie sat on the silent pathway, staring at the spot where the pony who turned her life around had just vanished.
"Thank you, Cube," she said aloud. "I swear, I won't let you down. Equestria is about to meet the new and vastly improved Great and Powerful TRIXIE!"
The unicorn leapt into the air, shooting off a dazzling array of fireworks, which, invigorated by the mare's rekindled spirit, were brighter and more beautiful than they had been in years.
Ditzy Doo burst through the door of the Doctor's curiosity shop to find the Doctor himself delivering final travel instructions to Cube. Setting behind the ponies was the Doctor's time-and-space transcending machine, a tall blue rectangular structure that looked somewhat at home among all the strange objects lying around.
"There you are!" Cube said when Ditzy walked in. "I was going to just leave your pay with the Doctor if you didn't make it back in time, but here, take it now."
He tossed the bag of coins to Ditzy, who smiled gratefully.
"So Doctor," the pegasus began. "You're going to take Cube home in your magic outhouse?"
The Doctor glared at the mare. "It is not an outhouse, as you know full well Ditzy. And yes, the two of us were just about to depart. Come along, Cube."
The Doctor stepped into the confines of the strange machine, and Cube moved to follow.
"Cube, hang on," Ditzy said quickly.
The unicorn turned to the pegasus with a curious glance.
"I just wanted to tell you… that that was amazing," Ditzy said. "Nopony here knew the truth about Trixie. I'm sure she's going to owe a lot to you in the future."
"I'm just glad I could help her out," Cube said. "Maybe now she'll have a chance in appearing in Season three."
Ditzy raised an eyebrow. "Appearing in what now?"
Cube laughed. "Never mind. But keep an eye on her in my absence, will you?"
Ditzy nodded.
"Well then, bye Derpy!" the stallion called as he ducked back into the Doctor's device. "I'll try to come back and visit someday!"
Ditzy didn't even attempt to correct the unicorn as he slid the door shut. A moment later, the large box vanished into thin air, spiriting away the Doctor and the enigmatic unicorn who had left his legacy on both Trixie and Ditzy today.
There was a loud thump as the big blue police call box clunked onto the pavement. The door slid open, allowing Cube and the Doctor to gaze out at their surroundings.
They had landed in front of a tall skyscraper, the center of a complex of buildings all operated by ponies.
…Which, considering this was Earth and not Equestria, was a strange thing indeed to the humans living nearby.
The Doctor peered up to the top of the skyscraper, where a gigantic globe was perched atop the pinnacle, spinning slowly. The letters "EQD" were fastened to its side.
"Is this the place?" the Doctor asked.
His traveling companion nodded. "Yep. Thanks for the ride!"
"Oh, it was no trouble," the Doctor insisted, before disappearing inside his machine and vanishing once again. The unicorn watched him disappear before trotting into the building. One unicorn-magic-operated elevator ride to the top floor later, the yellow stallion arrived at the executive office, immediately drawing the attention of the two other ponies present there. One was a white pegasus mare with a hot pink mane, who had been typing away furiously at one of the computers, and the other was a dark grey unicorn stallion with a navy blue mane, who stood on his hind legs with his back against a bulging door, desperately trying to contain whatever was behind it.
"Dude!" The grey unicorn cried indignantly. "Where the heck have you been, Seth? I can't hold these frickin' emails back much longer!"
"What?" the unicorn whose name was really Seth replied, equally indignant. "You can't complain to me about that, Cereal Velocity. You're the one who threw me through your prototype portal in the first place!"
"Oh yeah, how'd that work out?" Cereal asked, abruptly forgetting the crisis at hand.
"Not bad," Seth said. "I got to meet Derpy, and the Doctor, and hang out with Trixie for a while of course."
"Awesome," Cereal said. "Too bad the power supply died right after you went through. Looks like I need to make some more modifications."
"Uh, guys," the pegasus in the corner piped up. "You know, we do kind of have a situation on our hooves here…"
"Well, you haven't exactly been much help, Phoe," Cereal grumbled. "I'm over here barely containing a flood of emails, and you're just sitting on the computer, browsing through pictures of Lyra all day!"
Phoe blushed and hurriedly closed her browser.
Seth trotted to his computer, and loaded up his blog, Equestria Daily. "To your station, Cereal," he commanded.
Cereal leapt from the door, landing in the chair in front of his computer. A moment later, the door burst open, letting the emails flow forth.
Seth gazed at the oncoming flood of pixilated envelopes with determination.
Meanwhile, back in Equestria, Ditzy Doo was just arriving home as well. It was getting late, and Dinky had already gone to bed. Ditzy smiled at the thought of her filly being so responsible.
The mare was just about to collapse weakly on her couch when she heard a knock at the front door.
Now who could be visiting at this hour? She wondered as she moved quickly to her front door. Upon opening it, she found herself facing a pony she hadn't seen in a long time; a yellow pegasus with a turquoise mane and light blue eyes.
"Raindrops!" Ditzy cried excitedly, recognizing at once her best friend from her days working at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight. "It's so nice to see you! Come in!"
Raindrops smiled back, but her expression betrayed something other than joy. "Hi Ditzy," she said softly as she trotted inside. "Sorry, I came by earlier, but you weren't here. Dinky said you'd be back tonight."
Ditzy nodded. "Yep, it was a long day at work. Speaking of which, how are things going at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight? I've been gone a year now; has much changed?"
Raindrops frowned. "Well… that's actually what I needed to come and talk to you about. You see… there's been this, uh, nasty lawsuit dragging on between our company and the Canterlot Treasury for months now."
Ditzy's brow knitted in concern. "Why? What happened?"
"Well, uh…" Raindrops looked uncomfortable. "Remember the Canterlot riots that occurred because you had some… difficulties delivering that last message to Princess Celestia?"
Ditzy nodded, recalling the sour memory.
"Well, it was discovered a few days later that the damages were more extensive than expected," Raindrops continued. "One of the buildings destroyed was a treasury building containing ancient artifacts dating back to the era prior to Luna's banishment. The bill for this was shoved onto Cloudsdale Mail and Freight; the sum was astronomical, and so a court case started up over it."
"That's not good," Ditzy agreed. "What happened?"
"Well, the court came to a decision this morning," Raindrops said, her voice cracking a little. "After all evidence regarding the incident was reviewed, the jury decided that… that the sum shouldn't be posed to Cloudsdale Mail and Freight."
"That's good," said Ditzy. "It could have put them out of business."
"You don't understand," Raindrops said. "Instead, the one the court determined owes the sum is the… the pony most directly responsible for the damages…"
Ditzy gasped, and watched in horror as Raindrops reached slowly into her mailbag and withdrew a bill, addressed directly to Ditzy Doo… for a sum of no less than one-million bits.
Ditzy teared up as she stared at the piece of paper. "But I… I can't possibly afford…"
Raindrops had tears in her eyes as well. "I'm so sorry Ditzy. We really tried not to let this happen."
"…It was our boss, wasn't it," Ditzy whispered. "He singled me out to save the company."
"No!" Raindrops cried. "Mr. Brown worked harder than any of us to try and prevent this! He told the jury all about you, your disability, and the fact that you were a single parent. He begged, he pleaded, literally on his knees, not to afflict you with this debt. But, Canterlot had very convincing lawyers. The jury could not be swayed."
Ditzy shook her head, flinging tears around the room. "We'll go back to living in poverty for the rest of our lives if I have to pay this…" she moaned.
Raindrops hugged her old friend. "I really hate that this happened to you," she said. "I did everything I could."
Ditzy sniffled. "Thanks Raindrops. You're always a good friend."
Still sobbing, Raindrops left Ditzy's cottage.
Something caught Ditzy's eye as she glanced at the pile of mail under the intimidating bill. A purple, sparkling envelope glittered there, stamped with the Royal Seal, and the mare realized at once what it was.
Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns! She thought gleefully. If Dinky lives there, she will be spared living in enormous debt with me! As long as Dinky's ok, I don't care what happens to me! This is the answer I've been looking for!
Excitedly, Ditzy tore open the letter she had received from the Academy, perusing the short note.
Dear Ms. Ditzy Doo,
This letter has been sent in regards to your daughter, Dinky Doo, who has applied for enrollment at Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns. We have reviewed Dinky's applications; her health records seem to be in order, and her current elementary school grades are spectacular. However, it has come to our attention that young Dinky lacks any basic magical training, which most fillies and colts receive from a parent or guardian by this age. Celestia's Academy is an advanced school, and as such, holds to the standard that students must be properly trained in basic magical arts before enrolling, so as not to be left behind by the complex topics often discussed in even the simplest classes. Regrettably, as Dinky is without these basic skills, she simply cannot be considered for enrollment at our establishment. This may come as a disappointment, but I assure you, allowing her to enroll at her current level would put her at a severe disadvantage among our students. This is what's best for her. Regardless, thank you for your interest in enrollment in the Academy.
Bright Spark Acting Dean- Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns
Ditzy was numb. Her eyes scanned the paper again and again, hoping futilely that she had misread something. She couldn't bring herself to believe the awful turn of events. Without a chance to attend the Academy, Dinky would be stuck here, living with her mother, and trapped beneath the cloud of imposing debt. She would have to suffer along with her mother, living off only the barest essentials for survival for years to come. And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
It was strangely quiet in the employee lounge at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. The only sounds were the ticking of the wall clock, and the low, vibrating hum emitting from Watt, as was normal for him when he was actually sitting still. Glow and Cloudcover had already been sent on assignment, and, more worryingly, Ditzy hadn't shown up yet at all.
Breeze glanced once again at the clock. "Where in Equestria is Ditzy?" he asked absently to Watt. "She's been a little late before, but she should have been here over an hour ago."
"Maybe she's taking the day off," Watt suggested.
Breeze frowned. "Maybe. But I think she would have told me yesterday if she was planning to take vacation today."
Watt squinted, thinking hard. "Maybe she got abducted by spaceponies, then?"
Breeze stared blankly at his coworker, who apparently was under the impression that spaceponies were a completely legitimate possibility.
"I doubt that, Watt."
Watt shrugged. "You never know."
Breeze shook his head. "Pinkie Pie is rubbing off on you, dude."
Watt burst into a huge grin. "I won't deny that!"
Watt was about to say something else, but suddenly he stopped dead. His ears swiveled toward the door.
"Somepony's coming. Maybe it's Ditzy."
Breeze listened as well. There were indeed approaching hoofsteps. Very, very slow approaching hoofsteps. When the door finally swung open, Breeze found himself stifling a cry of shock.
The approaching pony was Ditzy, but Breeze had never seen her like this before. The mare's head hung so low that the tip of her badly unkempt mane dragged on the ground. She had clearly gotten absolutely no sleep the previous night; her eyes were bloodshot and teary, and dark circles rimmed their undersides.
But the thing that alarmed Breeze the most about the mare's eyes was not the apparent lack of sleep or the evidence of extended crying. Rather, it was the lack of a certain quality he had become used to seeing there; a sort of light that always graced Ditzy's expression had vanished from her eyes now. The disappearance of this indescribable but essential quality left the mare looking hollow, almost lifeless, and that was a matter of major concern for the male pegasus observing her.
Watt was the first to speak. Breeze was not particularly happy with what the yellow stallion chose to say.
"Yep. That's what I looked like the day after I got abducted by spaceponies, too."
Breeze shot such a glare in Watt's direction that the earth pony actually cowered as if he feared being physically struck by the force of the gaze alone. Luckily, respite from the tense situation came for him a moment later.
"Kilowatt Hour, please report to my office for an assignment. Thank you."
Watt just nodded in the direction of his coworkers before bolting from the room so quickly that he left a Watt-shaped cloud of dust where he had originally been standing.
Breeze ran across the room to Ditzy, who looked like she was about to collapse. "Ditzy, what's wrong?" he asked. "Are you sick? Or did something happen?"
One of Ditzy's dull eyes rolled slowly to face Breeze, feeling grateful that at least Breeze wanted to help. Of course, there was nothing he could do.
"Things… didn't exactly go my way yesterday, Breeze."
Breeze raised an eyebrow. "What, you failed another assignment? Why has that got you so down though?"
"No, I completed the assignment," Ditzy mumbled. "It was what happened afterwards that got me."
In a dull, monotone voice, the pathetic-looking mare recounted the events of the previous night; both Raindrops' bad news, and Dinky's rejection from the Academy. She watched Breeze's expression grow gradually more shocked and outraged as she proceeded through the monologue.
"But… But I… how could they…?" Breeze sputtered.
Ditzy shook her head. "Simple. Cloudsdale Mail and Freight got hit with the debt, and they pushed it onto me. It makes sense, I guess; it wouldn't be good if Equestria's main mail service went out of business, and I did technically cause the damage…"
"Don't say that!" Breeze answered. "This is ridiculous and you know it!"
"What difference does that make?" Ditzy said. "It's not like I can go up against Canterlot in my own case. If Cloudsdale Mail and Freight couldn't beat them, then why would I be able to?"
She sighed. "Besides, I'm more upset that Dinky has to suffer this with me."
"Does Dinky know about this yet?" the male pegasus asked.
Ditzy shook her head. "She was already asleep when the news came last night. I'll tell her this evening, but she's going to be so disappointed to learn that she won't be going to the Academy…"
"Can't you just get Dinky a magic tutor?" Breeze asked. "Maybe if she learns the basics and re-applies, she'll get in to the Academy."
"I already thought of that," said Ditzy glumly. "But Dinky needs to learn everything that she apparently should have been learning during the first few years of her life. Even with a tutor, that would take ages, and Dinky will be exceeding the maximum entry age for first-years at the Academy within a year; the staff claims that advanced magical training isn't really effective if the unicorn is already too old by the time they start. If only I'd learned about the place sooner!"
Ditzy flopped to the floor and covered her face with her hooves, groaning. "I've lived on very little money before, and I can do it again. I'll live quietly in debt for the rest of my life if I have to. But why… why does Dinky have to get caught up in all this as well?! She's such a little angel; she doesn't deserve a punishment like this! And now that her one way out of it all has rejected her, there's nowhere she can turn!"
The mare's eyes brimmed with tears again. "I… I can't protect her this time…"
Feeling defeated, Breeze stared down at his quietly sobbing friend. "There must be something we can do…" he said weakly. "I don't think either of you should have to live with this debt."
He paused. "And, forgive me for asking, but are you really not worried about yourself at all? I understand Dinky is important, but…"
Ditzy stopped crying long enough to glance up at Breeze; judging by her expression, it was almost as if the question made no sense to her.
"Dinky will always be the most important to me," she whispered. "Because… well… it's a long story. A long story that I've never actually told anypony before."
Ditzy's lightless eyes met with Breeze's bright green ones, and at that moment, she made an important decision.
"I'd… I'd like to tell you that story Breeze. If you don't mind."
Breeze backed up defensively. "I don't know Ditzy. Is this story hard for you to talk about? I don't want to make you any more upset than you already are."
Ditzy shook her head. "No, I think it's time I shared this with somepony else. I've been keeping it for years; it'll make me feel a little better to share it with somepony I trust. And I do trust you, Breeze."
Breeze nodded slowly. "Alright. Go ahead."
Ditzy stood and gave a long, deep sigh. "It all started more than a decade ago, back when my husband was still around, on the day Dinky was born…"
Date: Year of Luna's banishment 995 Location: Ponyville Urgent Care: Maternity Ward
A handsome brown unicorn stallion with a white mane trotted nervously around the empty tiled room. Surely, it had to be almost over by now? The whole process seemed to be taking too long; perhaps there had been some kind of complication?
No, no no. The stallion shook his head to clear his thoughts. Don't think these things. You know they would tell you if anything was wrong.
But he couldn't quite shake the worry away. It was normal, he supposed; any new father would probably be thinking the same things. Right now, he'd just have to wait it out.
The minutes passed slowly in the nearly silent waiting room. The stallion jumped at the slight sound of the door swinging open, admitting the chief of hospital staff, Nurse Redheart, into the room.
The nurse checked her clipboard. "You're Mr. Dashing Doo, right?" she asked tentatively.
The stallion nodded. "How's Ditzy? Did everything go alright?"
Redheart smiled. "Absolutely. The new baby has been taken for its initial checkup, and your wife is resting in the next room."
Dashing Doo breathed a sigh of relief. "May I see her?"
"Of course," said the nurse. "She's just through here. Follow me."
A few moments later, the stallion peered into the room where the pegasus he loved was lying, partially covered by a blanket. Ditzy looked a bit shaken, but smiled and waved feebly as her husband entered.
"The baby's a girl," she said, once the stallion stood at her side. "She's really an adorable little filly. And she's a unicorn."
Dashing grinned. "Just like her old man, huh?"
"She looks more like me, though," Ditzy teased. "She's got my mane. And my eyes."
Again, the stallion grinned at the thought of the filly, who must look a bit like Ditzy in miniature. He was glad the filly had inherited her mother's eye color. Ditzy had such beautiful eyes; their lovely shine was what had first caught his attention when the pair had first met. It would be such a shame if anything were ever to ruin that beautiful gaze.
"Go on," Ditzy said quietly. "Go out and see her."
"Are you okay in here without me?" Dashing asked.
Ditzy glanced around. "Dashing, we're surrounded by doctors and nurses. I think they've got it covered."
Dashing nodded, and waved goodbye to his favorite mare before proceeding next door to peer through the glass at the sleeping newborns.
He recognized their filly immediately. There, in the corner, slept a tiny purplish-grey unicorn, curled up in a pink woolen blanket and sleeping soundly. The stallion's heart melted at the sight of the innocent newborn.
The sound of nearby hoofsteps shook him from his dreamlike state. He turned to see an orange earth filly, probably about six or seven years old, approaching; when she reached the window, she stood up, placing her forehooves on the glass so she could peer inside more easily.
"Do you have a new brother or sister in there?" Dashing asked.
The filly nodded, smiling broadly. "I reckon I do, mister," she answered. "That little yella-colored one in the front. Ma says we're namin' her Applebloom."
The filly looked around at the other newborns, before turning to Dashing again.
"What about you? Are you somepony's pa now?"
It was Dashing's turn to smile proudly. "Yes. Look in the corner there, it's the little unicorn with the yellow mane."
"Aww," the filly cooed. "She's plum adorable, she is. But she sure is a dinky little thing; she's tiny even for a newborn." The earth pony turned back to Dashing. "What're y'all gonna' name her?"
Dashing blinked in surprise. "I… don't know. We haven't discussed it yet."
The filly nodded. "Well, alright. Good luck with your new filly, mister."
The stallion nodded. "Thank you. Good luck with your new sister."
The orange filly giggled before trotting away. Dashing quickly returned to the room where Ditzy was still resting to ask her the inevitable question.
"Ditzy, what are we going to name her?" he asked. "I hadn't really thought about it."
Ditzy tapped her hoof against her chin in thought. "Gee, I don't know. Do you have any suggestions?"
"Not yet," Dashing admitted. "All I noticed about her is that she's just a little smaller than normal, but I'm sure she'll catch up to everypony else pretty quickly. The filly out in the hallway called her a 'dinky little thing'…"
Ditzy's eyes lit up. "That's so cute, and it gives me an idea! What if we name her 'Dinky'?"
Dashing thought about that. "Little Dinky Doo, huh? That's just about as cute of a name as you can have."
"She's just about as cute a filly as there can be," Ditzy argued.
Date: Year of Luna's banishment 996 Location: The Doo cottage
Little Dinky made delighted burbling noises as Ditzy waved around a spoonful of mashed carrots, before she gently placed the mouthful of food into the filly's mouth. Dinky giggled, spilling half the carrots back out again.
"You're a messy little filly sometimes, aren't you Dinky?" Ditzy chuckled as she wiped up the spilled baby food.
"Yes!" Dinky cried excitedly, elated to use one of the few words she knew.
Ditzy smiled and glanced over to her husband, who was approaching quickly to help clean up. "I think it's about time we all go to bed," he mentioned. "Dinky's got a checkup tomorrow morning, remember?"
Ditzy nodded. "Yeah. And I could use a break too. This little filly can be quite a hoofful sometimes."
Dinky giggled, as if trying to agree with her mother.
Ditzy lifted the filly onto her back and carried her up to her room. Dashing blew out the lantern, before trotting up the steps as well. Sounds could be heard above as the happy couple helped their merry little filly get tucked into bed.
…
A thin tendril of smoke issued from the extinguished lantern. A single spark emitted from a dying ember within its confines, bringing a tiny flame back to life inside.
Ditzy awoke suddenly; she was only about half-conscious. Something was wrong. Her vision was blurry, and an unpleasant smell filled her nose. Struggling to make sense of her surroundings, the mare rolled over and sat up in bed. The smell intensified, causing her to cough. It was strange; her eyes couldn't seem to adjust to the darkness. It was as if the air was harder to see through than usual…
Then, near the doorway, Ditzy spied the flickering red light, and realized at once what was wrong.
"Dashing!" she cried, shaking her soundly sleeping partner. "Wake up! Now!"
Dashing groaned. "Hmm? Whuzzat?"
"Get up! Get up! There's a fire!"
That got Dashing up really quick, and in an instant, both ponies were on their hooves. Smoke was rapidly filling the room, and they both had to duck to stay below the thickest of it.
In a moment, they arrived on the second-floor landing, and were temporarily stunned by the spectacle. Angry red and orange flames licked the floor, blazing up from below. The cottage, constructed mostly of wood and straw, allowed the deadly fire to spread at an enormous rate. Most of the furniture downstairs was flaming, and lines of fire snaked across the floor. It appeared to be the most intense around the table, at the center of which sat the now half-melted lantern.
Flames had climbed the walls and supports and reached the edges of the upper landing, which was already beginning to make dangerous cracking sounds as the heat and flames attacked it.
"Get outside!" Dashing said immediately. "I'll get Dinky."
"No, let me-" Ditzy started.
"No!" the stallion yelled. "I can carry her with magic. It's quicker. Now please, go! Hurry!"
Obediently, Ditzy turned and scampered down the stairs. But the fire continued to spread at an amazing rate. Several more floorboards suddenly burst into flames, and Ditzy instinctively leapt up, floating above the fire with her wings. Quickly, she navigated toward the door, fighting through the smoke. Finally, she landed at a spot that was still not burned. She glanced back onto the landing, where the silhouette of her husband was barely visible.
"I've got Dinky! Get outside now!"
A squeal confirmed that Dinky was with the stallion, and so the mare reluctantly turned to go.
The doorposts had already caught fire. To avoid getting burned, Ditzy turned and bucked the door open, allowing a burst of cool night air into the room. She turned around, and attempted to leap through the door.
At that moment, the flames proved too much for the door lintel to take. The wood cracked through on one side, causing the wooden beam above the door to swing downwards. The heavy block of wood struck the mare in the face with brutal force.
"Gah!" Ditzy cried, reeling from the impact. She slammed her eyes shut in pain as she staggered outside, managing to get a few yards from the burning building before collapsing. Her skull pounded from the injury, and the lack of oxygen due to all the smoke wasn't helping either.
But despite it all, the mare managed to pry one eye open for a few moments, just long enough to catch a final glimpse of movement. An outline appeared in the doorway of what she could only hope was her husband. Yet as much as she tried, the throbbing in her head soon became too intense, and finally she gave up, slipping from the conscious world in the shadow of her doomed home.
Date: Year of Luna's banishment 996 Location: Ponyville Urgent Care: Recovery Unit
"Is she awake yet?"
"I don't think so. She hasn't moved, but all the bandages hide her eyes."
"How severe is the nerve damage?"
"There is no nerve damage as far as we know."
"What? But… but an injury like that… surely, there must have been some damage to brain tissue…"
"Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are. This is one lucky mare, coming out of this with only small injuries."
Ditzy groaned and shifted slightly. She had no idea who the voices belonged to, or where they were coming from, but she wished they would go away, so she could sleep. The thought briefly crossed her mind of where she was, but she was too weak to care very much. She plumbed the depths of her foggy mind for details of her last memory.
I fed Dinky her dinner. Then I put her to bed. Then… oh yeah, there was the fire…
The fire! Ditzy sat bolt upright in the bed, scaring the living daylights out of nurse Redheart and the intern that had been reviewing the mare's chart.
"Where's the fire? What's going on? Why is it so dark now?"
"Miss, please calm down!" Redheart urged. "You're safe. The fire's gone. You're at Ponyville Urgent Care. Please, you must relax."
Ditzy settled a bit. "That still doesn't answer my last question," she mumbled.
Nurse Redheart chuckled. "Don't worry, dear. You've just got bandages wrapped around the top of your head. We had to treat that whack you took trying to get out of the house."
The memory of the last few seconds came flooding back to Ditzy, and with them came another thought.
"Wait. Where's Dashing and Dinky? Are they okay!?"
"Dinky is fine," the nurse said. "She suffered no injury or burns. She's already been treated for minor smoke inhalation and is now resting just down the hall."
Ditzy sighed with relief. "And Dashing is with her, right?"
Silence.
"Nurse Redheart? I asked if Dashing is with her."
The nurse cleared her throat. "Erm… I'm afraid… that Dashing didn't fare quite as well as your daughter."
Ditzy's stomach tightened. "He's hurt? What happened?"
"Mr. Dashing appears to have used himself to shield Dinky from harm," the nurse said. "Since he was carrying her with magic, he was unable to form a shield for himself. He was sent to emergency treatment as soon as the paramedics got you three here, but… but the burns and injuries were… very severe…"
Nurse Redheart finally began to lose her nearly unbreakable composure. Her voice cracked slightly as she continued to speak.
"His condition is poor, but perhaps... you'd like to see him for yourself…"
Ditzy sat stone still. The nurse waited tensely for her to respond.
"I want to see him now. Can we take the bandages off?"
"I think so," said Nurse Redheart. "But let me warn you, while your nervous tissues escaped unharmed, there was some moderate… muscle damage."
Gently, she unwrapped the gauze encircling Ditzy's head, exposing her at last to the light. The pegasus blinked a few times, waiting for her view to come into focus. It never did.
"Oh dear," said the nurse once she got a good look. "I was afraid that might happen…"
"What?" Ditzy asked, trying various positions as she attempted to get the two images she viewed to blend into one.
Sighing, the nurse held up a mirror; Ditzy's reflection left her stunned. Aside from the bruising on her forehead, everything appeared normal… except the positioning of her pupils. One looked down into the mirror as was normal; the other drifted lazily around near the top of her head. Ditzy struggled to bring both back to their normal positions. It worked; two separate images melted into one.
Unfortunately, the instant she relaxed her face, both eyes flew into separate positions again.
"It's, uh… not likely that that condition will correct itself," Nurse Redheart admitted.
"I'll worry about it later," Ditzy said resolutely, climbing out of bed. "First take me to Dashing."
The nurse nodded and trotted from the room. Ditzy made to follow, but smacked face first into the doorframe on the way out.
"Oww…" Ditzy moaned. "This is going to take some getting used to…"
More carefully, the pegasus followed the nurse to the end of the hall. Just as they arrived, a male doctor exited the room, looking glum.
"Something wrong, doctor?" the nurse asked.
The doctor sighed. "The patient has passed away."
Both Ditzy and Nurse Redheart gasped. Ditzy barreled forward, knocking the doctor out of the way and running to the bed within the dim chamber. She clutched the hoof of the stallion lying there, but he did not respond.
Ditzy collapsed, sobbing into the chest of her now-deceased husband, as Nurse Redheart watched sympathetically from the doorway.
You gave yourself up to save Dinky. I don't know why it had to happen this way; I don't know what I should do next. But I do know one thing.
I won't let your life be in vain. I promise to keep Dinky safe.
At last, Ditzy finished her story, barely managing to choke out the last few sentences. Breeze wiped the tears from his muzzle before speaking.
"Ditzy, I… I didn't know it happened like that. I think we all assumed that your husband died of natural causes. And I didn't know your eyes hadn't always been that way, either."
Ditzy nodded. "You're the first pony other than Nurse Redheart to know the whole story, and it's been years since the fire. They took me in at Cloudsdale Mail and freight, on the recommendation of my friend Raindrops, and that's where I worked until a year ago. Now I hope you can see why Dinky is so important to me. If I can't care for her, I'm not only letting her down, I'm letting my husband down too. "
The pegasi sat in total silence for a few moments, wondering what to do next.
"There must be a way to fix this," Breeze said sternly. "Neither of you deserve the punishment they're trying to give you. We just need to find somepony who can help-"
Breeze was cut off by the grating screech of the intercom. Candyfloss's voice filled the room, and from the sound of it, the unicorn was unusually antsy.
"Ditzy? Breeze? I believe you two are the only ones here right now. Please, I need to see you both immediately. Hurry, this is important!"
"Candyfloss needs us," Breeze said. "Are you in any condition to go on assignment?"
"What choice do I have?" Ditzy asked. "Assignments mean pay, and I need as much of that as I can get right now. The first bill will be arriving any day."
Breeze scowled at the thought and trotted down to Candyfloss's office, with Ditzy following behind.
At that same moment, a certain blue unicorn returned from assignment. Overhearing the sound of the approaching pegasi, she decided on a whim to conceal herself with an invisibility spell once again so she could spy on her rival. Unaware of their malicious hidden coworker, the other two ponies entered the office.
Candyfloss looked flustered, shifting nervously in his chair as his employees entered.
"Ah, good, the two of you are here," he said, apparently oblivious to the disheveled appearance of one of his employees. "We seem to have received an assignment of phenomenal importance today. I just received a phone call from none other than Princess Luna, who, shockingly, has requested the aid of our humble company. I would like the both of you to head to Canterlot immediately; an assignment like this one could do big things for our corporation if you are successful, which is why I feel it is appropriate to send the both of you. I'll send the others along to back you up once they return from their normal assignments."
"Princess Luna," Breeze gasped in awe. "You're right about that, Doc. Luna is certainly the highest-profile pony ever to request our service. We won't let you down."
Candyfloss nodded. "Then go, please. You mustn't keep the princess waiting."
The pegasi quickly turned to exit the room, but were held up by Candyfloss's final warning.
"And remember, Princess Luna can be a bit harsher and more judgmental than Princess Celestia! Watch your behavior!"
Once back in the hallway, Ditzy gave Breeze an unhappy glance.
"I don't know about this, Breeze; I'm not exactly sure I'm feeling up to a high-stress assignment today…"
"But that's just it!" Breeze said, prancing around in nervous excitement. "Ditzy, stop and think for a second. This is the Princess we're dealing with! Maybe, if we can succeed, we'll get a particularly large reward… and maybe we can use that reward to pay off your debt!"
Ditzy gasped. It was a faint hope, sure, but it was a hope nonetheless. Breeze smiled as the tiniest spark of energy reappeared in the mare's eyes. This was their only chance, and Breeze planned to make sure they succeeded.
After the pegasi had left the building, Glow reappeared, frowning to herself.
The Princess? She thought to herself incredulously. If those two featherbrains succeed, not only will Ditzy surpass my record, but she'll be remembered forever for her success in such a prestigious assignment! I can't let that happen; I'll be totally overshadowed! And I'm the greatest shipper at this company!
A diabolical smile spread across the unicorn's face. Which means… I need to intervene to protect my title. I think it's time for a little good old-fashioned sabotage.
Two royal guards silently led Ditzy and Breeze through the massive interior hallways of Canterlot Castle. The pegasi trotted nervously along; neither of them had ever met Princess Luna in person before.
The guards stopped at the entrance to a high tower, motioning toward the stairs. Breeze walked briskly up the stone spiral staircase, with Ditzy following closely behind. The walls were adorned with royal blue tapestries depicting stylized renditions of the princess of the night.
Finally, the pair reached the great wooden doors at the top of the staircase. The ponies looked at one another, and then Ditzy gently rapped at the door.
"YOU MAY ENTER!"
The force of the announcement was so great that the doors were blown open solely from the massive air displacement. Shocked, both pegasi stared through the gateway thrown-wide, at the tall, midnight blue alicorn standing regally at the center of the room.
"GREETINGS," Princess Luna bellowed. "I AM PRINCESS LUNA. AND YOU TWO MUST BE THE…"
The Princess paused when she noticed the two new arrivals were cowering in the doorway. A light blush crept across her face.
"Ahem… my apologies," she said. "It sometimes can be so difficult to realize when one is speaking in the Royal Canterlot voice. Sister insists that I'll break the habit eventually, but that theory has yet to come to fruition."
Breeze stood fully again and shook his mane so it reassumed its usual style. "No problem, your majesty," he said. "Um… the two of us were sent by from Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. Were you in need of our services?"
"Ah, yes," said Luna with relief. "I admit I was a bit nervous about contacting your service; I wish to enlist your help on a most unusual assignment."
"We're the ones who're nervous," Ditzy admitted. "We've never gotten a call from royalty before."
Luna smiled. "I must ask you not to concern yourself with that, my dear mare. I insist you treat me like any normal Equestrian citizen during the course of our encounter, as sister insists this promotes decreased nervousness and overall better focus and performance in average ponies. Is that clear?"
Ditzy and Breeze just nodded.
"Excellent." The Princess said. "There's one more thing I would like to discuss. I am unfamiliar with the system of repayment for services within your establishment. What is the cost of your aid?"
"We usually just work that out based on the customer and the type of job," Breeze explained. "It's different every time."
Luna smiled. "Then, would it be deviation from protocol to suggest that we wait and see what events unfold today? I feel proper payment can be better determined upon looking back on events then before they occur."
"Of course," Ditzy said. "We'll wait until we're finished if you'd like to do it that way."
"Spectacular," Luna said. "And, of course, as the princess, I will be sure to give you a generous reward in exchange for successful service. I believe I can afford to part with a fee substantially higher than that which the average pony can afford. I'd be willing to pay a rather high price if I am pleased with today's events; within reason, of course, but certainly enough to make you both particularly wealthy."
Ditzy's eyes went wide. She and Breeze quickly exchanged a glance, both thinking the same thing.
I wonder if a million bits is 'within reason?'
"That… that's good," Ditzy stuttered awkwardly.
Luna nodded. "However," she added ominously. "In exchange for this offer, I expect quality aid from the two of you. The situation I wish to create today is little more than a casual meet-up; it should be an easy job for ponies such as you. So understand that, if we do not meet with success this day, I stand by no obligation to reward either of you."
"That's standard policy," Breeze said. "If you aren't satisfied, don't pay."
"Good!" Luna announced. "I believe this concludes our discussion of the business aspect of shipping. Now, let us move on to the task at hoof. Today, I wish to become better acquainted with a special pony I met in the months since my return to Equestria, and whose close friendship I hope to gain."
"Yes," Breeze coaxed. "And this pony is…?"
Luna smiled. "None other than my sister's prized pupil; a unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle."
Ditzy reminisced about her days as a mailmare as she fluttered over Ponyville; after all, it had been a long time since she was tasked with carrying a special delivery. Yet here she was, enjoying the cool air and early afternoon sun as she carried an invitation bearing the royal seal to the arboreal home of Twilight Sparkle.
The plan she and Breeze had devised to fulfill Luna's request was a simple one; Breeze would remain in Canterlot and provide the princess with necessary information on modern casual social interaction, since the deep blue pony was still having some minor troubles adjusting to the mindset of a society one-thousand years ahead of the one she remembered.
Ditzy's half of the plan was even simpler; deliver a very straightforward message to Twilight, stating that Luna was requesting her presence for a lunch date in Canterlot. Presumably, with Ditzy and Breeze hidden nearby to provide support for the princess, the two would have a delightful afternoon, and get to know one another on a friendlier and less formal level. This would leave the princess's request fulfilled, and mean a possibly huge reward for Ditzy and Breeze. The strategy seemed pretty foolproof.
Ditzy tried not to dwell on the disheartening events of the previous evening; she kept focused on her task, repeatedly reminding herself that this one assignment could fix everything if it went well. She couldn't afford to be distracted.
At last, the mare landed, albeit a bit too closely to the door. She skidded on the loose gravel and fell against the door.
"What was that?" came a female voice from inside. "Spike, go check if somepony's at the front door, please."
Tiny feet scampered across the floorboards, and a moment later, Spike opened the door.
"Oh, hey Ditzy!" the baby dragon greeted. "I haven't seen you in a while."
"Hello, Spike," Ditzy answered. "Could you get Twilight for me?"
"Uh, sure," Spike said. "One sec."
Ditzy watched Spike run up the stairs, and a few moments later, the purple unicorn Ditzy was searching for trotted down the steps.
"Special delivery!" Ditzy sang, issuing the envelope to the approaching pony.
Twilight took the delivery with interest. "Thanks but… I thought I heard that you weren't a mailmare any more, Ditzy."
"This isn't mail," Ditzy responded. "It's a special message. It didn't travel through the postal service."
Twilight raised her eyebrows. "Really? Let me see…"
Twilight opened the message and read through it quickly. Ditzy watched closely and was relieved as surprise and delight appeared on the unicorn's face.
"I've been invited to lunch with Princess Luna?" Twilight squealed excitedly. "I haven't seen her since last Nightmare Night! Ooh, we'll have so much to catch up on!"
In a flash, the unicorn was upstairs, hastily preparing for an unplanned trip to Canterlot. In less than a minute, she was back in the main library, her saddlebags stuffed and her mane newly groomed.
"Spike," Twilight instructed. "Keep an eye on the library. I'll be back by tomorrow."
"Yes, ma'am," Spike said, saluting.
Twilight giggled with glee. "Thank you so much, Ditzy," she said. "I don't know how you wound up being tasked with this delivery, but you have my sincerest gratitude."
And with that, she was out the door.
Spike watched his companion disappear, before turning to Ditzy with a suspicious expression.
"Twilight just became part of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services' latest job, didn't she?" he asked slyly.
Ditzy just winked at the baby dragon before launching out the door to begin her own journey back to Canterlot.
"There you are," Breeze said with relief when his friend reappeared at the castle. "I think Luna is prepared for her date now; she's in her room getting ready. Is Twilight coming?"
"She should be here any minute," Ditzy said. "I flew as fast as I could to get back here before her."
Breeze nodded before continuing. "Luna has had a meal prepared for them already. They'll be eating in the royal dining hall. It's a big, somewhat secluded room, and you and I will be disguised as members of the culinary staff so as not to attract attention from Twilight."
"Great idea!" Ditzy affirmed. "Twilight doesn't even know you, so you should probably be the one to interact with them if necessary, but hopefully, we can both just stand by the kitchen doors and let the real staff handle the food."
"I hope so," said Breeze. "And I gotta say, I think we've got a solid plan here. Luna and Twilight already know each other, and we've gone to all necessary lengths to give them a relaxing and casual afternoon. This assignment's practically in the bag."
Ditzy took a deep breath, hopeful that her friend was right.
Bedecked in white coats and chef's hats (and in Ditzy's case, a pair of dark glasses to hide her telltale eyes) the two shipping ponies watched as a pair of royal guards escorted Twilight Sparkle into the royal dining hall. Princess Luna, who was seated at the large table, smiled and motioned for Twilight to join her. Beaming, the purple unicorn obliged.
"Twilight Sparkle!" Luna said merrily. "It had been too long since we last saw one another. I'm glad you were able to join me on such short notice."
"Oh, it was no inconvenience, princess," Twilight said. "I was happy to take a break and come to Canterlot for the day."
"Then I hope you shall not refuse my hospitality," Luna said. "Chefs! Please bring to us our meal!"
Ditzy and Breeze stepped aside as a half dozen ponies, clad in the same outfit as the disguise the shippers wore, rushed into the dining area, holding trays aloft in their magical auras. Luna, in a surprising display of foresight, had asked for a relatively small and average meal to be prepared; a large banquet with fine dishes would present the illusion of formality, which was not the mood the princess wished to instill.
Soon, the meal was underway, and Twilight and Luna appeared to be enjoying a friendly conversation about recent events in Ponyville and Canterlot. Both ponies seemed content.
"This is going great," Breeze whispered as he and Ditzy stood by the kitchen doors. "Luna's getting exactly what she wanted."
Ditzy opened her mouth to respond, but stopped herself suddenly as something caught her eye. The chandelier, dangling from the high vaulted ceiling of the grand hall, was swinging slightly; the pegasus would never have looked up high enough to notice the motion had her one eye not been lazing about near the top of its socket as usual.
"Breeze, look up there. Why is the chandelier moving?"
Breeze glanced up at the large light fixture. There were no open windows, so it was unlikely that it was a simple air movement. Breeze squinted at it more closely and noticed a shocking detail.
"Ditzy, the chain! Look, there's an aura around it. Somepony's manipulating the chain!"
Both of the shippers glanced at Twilight and Luna, but neither one showed any sign of use of magic. Somepony else, hidden from sight, was discreetly messing with the suspended chandelier.
"They might be trying to disconnect it!" Breeze whispered suddenly. "It would fall right on the table! I don't think it would hit Twilight or the princess, but it would certainly give them quite a scare."
"Are you saying somepony is trying to sabotage us?" asked Ditzy nervously.
"I don't know," Breeze said. "But we have to act fast. You go up there and make sure that chandelier doesn't fall. I'll try to find the unicorn manipulating it."
There was no time to lose. Ditzy trotted nonchalantly around the outer edge of the room, until she was out of view of both Twilight and the princess, and then quickly flew up to the ceiling.
The chain holding the lights up was surrounded by a light blue aura, which appeared to be attempting to disconnect one of the links. Ditzy wasn't sure what to do; she couldn't do anything to cancel the magic, so she simply held onto the chain below the affected link, hoping to Celestia that it wouldn't come undone.
Breeze trotted briskly into the kitchen. The chefs all seemed hard at work; none were aware of a crisis outside. Breeze looked around quickly, searching for any sign of a hidden pony among the chaotic room, but there appeared to be nopony present save for the kitchen staff. Breeze turned to return to the dining area, and almost bumped into one of the other workers.
"Sorry," he said quickly, brushing past the mare as he walked by. But he hadn't gone two steps when a sudden realization dawned on him, and he turned back to glance at the pony. The staff member was a blue mare; most of her face was hidden beneath the brim of her hat. She said nothing; she seemed to be ignoring Breeze completely.
It can't be…
In one swift movement, Breeze leapt forward and snatched the hat away, revealing a teal-maned unicorn in the middle of a spell. Upon being discovered, she ceased her magic immediately.
"Glow!" Breeze cried angrily, pinning the unicorn against the wall. "Why are you here? And what in Celestia's name do you think you're doing!?"
Glow smirked. "That should be obvious by now, I'm afraid."
Breeze's lips curled into a snarl. "Are you telling me that you're actually trying to sabotage Ditzy and me?"
"My, what a brilliant deduction," Glow mused.
Breeze was flabbergasted. "But… why? I mean, I knew you didn't like us, but… but this?"
"I gave Ditzy ample warnings," Glow said calmly. "Now she's going to pay for trying to pass my record."
"You have got to be kidding me!" Breeze cried. "Glow, do you even know what Ditzy is going through right now? Do you have any notion in that apparently empty head of yours at how important this particular assignment is to her?"
"The fate of Equestria could hang in the balance and it wouldn't make any difference," Glow said. "Ditzy will not steal my fame and my title. That's all there is to it."
"Yeah, well…" Breeze began. "If you think I'm going to let you go and cause more trouble, you're sorely mistaken, Glow."
"Oh, that doesn't matter," said Glow. "It's too late to do anything anyway."
Breeze raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"The chain is already too weak. It should be breaking any second now."
Breeze glanced out the window into the dining hall, and Glow's prediction immediately came true. The chain suddenly separated, and Ditzy lurched forward, her body stretched to its limit as she struggled to hold the now detached chandelier in one hoof, while grasping the dangling chain above with the other. The red pegasus gasped and immediately let go of Glow, racing out to help his friend.
Walking quickly through the hall while still avoiding the notice of Twilight and Luna, Breeze reached the back of the room and leapt into the air. Within seconds, he hovered next to Ditzy.
"…Help…" Ditzy croaked pathetically as she struggled to maintain her position.
"Okay, just hang on," Breeze whispered back as he searched for the best way to support the chandelier. He flew up to the upper chain and discarded the broken link.
"There. Now we just need to lift the chandelier and reattach the-"
He was cut off as Ditzy lost her grip on the upper chain, gasping as she and the chandelier began to fall.
In a fraction of a second, the mare stopped again in midair; her mind reeled as she tried to figure out what had happened. She craned her neck to peer behind herself.
Breeze dangled above her, his teeth firmly clenched on her tail, as he somehow maintained a grip on the chain above with his back hooves. Ditzy silently rejoiced that Breeze was such an athletic pony; she would never have been able to do that.
Flapping madly, Breeze slowly began to lift his passenger and the large light fixture she supported back toward the ceiling. The pair only moved about an inch at a time, but they were, in fact, making progress. Breeze could only hope his energy didn't run out.
Finally, the two pegasi reached a height at which Ditzy could finally reconnect the links of the chain. She cautiously let go, and the chandelier stayed in place. Both ponies sighed with relief and exhaustion. Far below, Twilight and Luna continued to chat merrily, unaware that anything had happened.
From the kitchen, Glow cursed under her breath; she hadn't expected the pegasi to repair the damage she had caused in time, but the two of them made a better team then she thought. Knowing her coworkers would be coming immediately to confront her, she hastily teleported away.
A moment later, Ditzy and Breeze burst into the kitchen.
"She's gone," Breeze grumbled.
"Who?" asked Ditzy. "Who was it?"
"Glow," Breeze growled. "She's trying to sabotage us."
Ditzy looked horrified. "Are… are you serious?"
Breeze nodded, still glancing around the kitchen for the missing unicorn.
"Well, maybe it doesn't matter," Ditzy said. "I think Twilight and Luna are almost done. Look."
The disguised ponies peered out the kitchen's window, and saw the two dining ponies get to their hooves. They exchanged a few muffled words, Twilight nodded eagerly, and the ponies went their separate ways. A moment later, Luna entered the kitchen.
"PHASE ONE IS COMPLETE!" She bellowed.
"Princess, watch the volume please," Breeze said, gingerly removing his hooves from his ears. "And what do you mean, phase one?"
"Let me explain," the princess said. "Twilight Sparkle and I got into a discussion about the rest of her wonderful friends, all of whom were slightly apprehensive of me when I last visited Ponyville. It would please Twilight most greatly if I were on as good of terms with them as I am with her. And so, we have decided to throw a party, this evening, in the ballroom; all of Twilight's friends from Ponyville shall be attending. And of course, this means I will be in need of your services for a while longer, to make sure the festivities go smoothly."
Ditzy gulped. "Uh… okay Princess. We'll start preparing for the party immediately."
Luna nodded in affirmation and left the kitchen, leaving Ditzy and Breeze alone.
"Well, this gives Glow another chance to mess us up," Ditzy mumbled.
"At least we know what she's up to now," Breeze said. "She's just one unicorn; you and I can probably stop anything she has planned. We just have to keep our eyes open for signs of her mischief."
Noticing Ditzy didn't look particularly reassured, Breeze continued. "Besides, Candyfloss said he'd be sending along the others to help us. Cloudcover and Watt will be here to back us up by the time the party starts. Together, I'm sure the four of us can handle anything Glow whips up!"
Ditzy smiled at the thought of her other coworkers. "I guess you're right. It's going to be a heck of an evening, but we can do this. I know we can."
Cosmic Glow paced slowly through the castle gardens, lost in thought. She needed a truly magnificent plan if she wanted to ruin Ditzy's assignment. After overhearing plans for the party from a well-concealed hiding spot, the unicorn knew it would be her last chance to defeat her rival.
But what can I do? She thought repeatedly to herself as she ambled along outside the castle. Watt and Cloudcover might be showing up; I don't think my magic is strong enough to do anything when all four of them are on the lookout for me.
Glow wondered briefly what sort of trouble Ditzy had gotten herself into; whatever it was, it must have been pretty severe, given the way Breeze reacted during their brief confrontation.
Now don't go getting all sympathetic, the mare thought to herself. It's probably all part of their plan to overthrow me anyway. I will not let Ditzy succeed in this assignment; that wacky pegasus needs to be taught her place!
Glow was so busy staring at the ground and scheming that she crashed head-first into a large, very solid object. Teetering slightly from the impact, the unicorn looked up at the obstruction she had run into.
It was one of the statues scattered throughout the castle grounds. There were many such statues littering the area, but this one was different; it depicted a tall, thin being composed of a bizarre amalgamation of elements.
This was the statue of Discord.
Curiosity got the better of Glow. Gingerly, she placed a hoof against the side of the statue, and nearly retracted it when a loud but silky male voice rang out in her head.
"Oh look, a fan has come to visit me! I do so love getting visitors. I would sign an autograph for you, but unfortunately, I seem to be encased in stone."
I can hear him, Glow thought. I wonder if he can hear me?
"Of course I can hear you," the voice in her head said again. "As long as you don't remove your hoof from the statue, that is. Now really, what do you want?"
A wild idea came to Glow suddenly. She wasn't desperate enough to do something stupid, like try to release Discord, just to make sure Ditzy failed an assignment. But maybe she could take advantage of the situation in a less detrimental way.
"I… I came for some advice," Glow said. "I'm trying to ruin an important social event, but the ponies running the event are on to me; they'll be on the lookout for my magic. Can you think of any ideas?"
Discord laughed heartily. "Ah, it warms my heart to see a pony so willing to cause a little chaos in this boring and orderly land. Of course I will help such a wonderful cause."
"I'm not releasing you, before you ask," Glow said quickly. "I'm talking about chaos that I can cause."
Again, Discord chuckled. "Don't worry, my little pony, I wouldn't expect you to attempt something so drastic. But I can help you indirectly; what sort of chaos do you want to wreak?"
"Anything!" Glow admitted. "As long as it's as extreme as possible, without actually physically hurting anypony."
"Extreme, you say?" Discord mused excitedly. "Well, I may know somepony that can help you with that…"
A bright image suddenly flashed into Glow's mind, causing her to blink in surprise.
"That is a map," Discord explained. "Follow it, and you'll find a cave around the back of this mountain. Once there, call for a pony named Screwball. She is my finest creation, a willing agent of pure chaos, and she'd probably be happy to help you out. You won't be disappointed in her abilities, I assure you."
"No problem at all," said Discord. "Enjoy the chaos, my dear."
Glow removed her hoof from the statue, and the voice fell silent. Immediately, she set off, following the instructions ingrained into her mind.
The sun was setting when Glow finally reached the location. Before her was a large, grassy field flanking the mountainside, and carved into the rock was a wide, dark cave. On closer inspection, Glow could see all sorts of bizarre and colorful drawings on the cave walls. Cautiously, she approached the mouth of the cavern.
"Screwball? Are you here?"
Several seconds passed, and then a pony appeared from the depths of the cave. She was pinkish-purple, and she was an earth pony- no, that wasn't quite the word for it. After all, she was flying, but without the aid of wings. Only a tiny propeller beanie kept her aloft. Her eyes contained no pupils, just colorful swirls.
"Uh…" said Glow awkwardly as the strange thing came to hover in front of her. "You're Screwball, right?"
The strange pony responded by peeling off its own Cutie Mark as if it were no more than a sticker. She showed the symbol to Glow; a baseball next to a spiral screw.
"I'll take that as a yes," Glow mumbled as she watched Screwball reapply the picture to her flank. "So listen, Discord said you could help me-"
"Discord!" Screwball chirped happily, clapping her front hooves together.
"Yes. Discord. He needs you to help me cause some chaos. Can you do that?"
"Batteries are not included," Screwball said.
Glow blinked. "R…right… just follow me if you understand."
Glow turned to go, and luckily, Screwball floated along behind her. The chaos pony may not have made any sense, but apparently she, in fact, comprehended Glow's speech.
A moment later, the unicorn and her strange new companion stood on a ridge, looking down toward Canterlot castle, which gleamed in the setting sun.
Glow smiled darkly. "Alright, Ditzy Doo. Let's see if you can keep your party running smoothly once I bring along an uninvited guest…"
"…And the next thing I knew, the spaceponies were on top of me! They captured me with their immobilizing ion ray, hoisted me on to their mysterious whirring spaceship, and strapped me to a table! I had to just lie there while they probed me with their-"
"Watt," Cloudcover interrupted. "By any chance, are you making this up as you go along?"
"Well, yeah," Watt said. "But I really did get abducted by spaceponies one time! It's just, instead of spiriting me away to their ship and performing horrific experiments, we just went out and got pizza and saw a movie. But c'mon, what kind of freaky science fiction story can I make out of that?"
Cloudcover had no response, so instead he changed the subject.
"Oh look Watt, we're here."
The sun was already ducking behind the horizon as the two stallions once again trotted up to the door of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. A note was tacked to the outside.
Watt, Cloudcover, and Glow, please report to me immediately upon returning from your assignments.
-Dr. Candyfloss
"That's peculiar," Cloudcover admitted. "Let's check in with the boss and see what's up."
In a moment, both ponies were entering the office of Candyfloss, who was busy paging through some records.
"Hiya, Dr. C!" Watt proclaimed. "You wanted to see us?"
"Ah, hello you two," Candyfloss said. "I hate to keep you, since it's already getting late, but a matter of severe importance has come up, and I need you two to aid Ditzy and Breeze with an emergency assignment."
"What sort of assignment?" Cloudcover asked.
Candyfloss described the situation at hoof, and how Ditzy and Breeze were still working with Princess Luna. Cloudcover's expression filled with surprise, and Watt's with sheer excitement.
"I need you two to report to Canterlot immediately to help with this cause," Candyfloss finished. "Any questions?"
"One, actually," said Cloudcover. "Has Glow already been dispatched on this mission?"
Candyfloss frowned deeply. "Glow has not returned from what I expected to be a simple daily assignment," he mumbled.
Cloudcover looked uncomfortable for a moment. "Sir…" he began hesitantly. "Would you even consider that perhaps… perhaps Glow doesn't always have the company's best interests in mind?"
Candyfloss let loose a huge sigh. "To rephrase your question, Cloudcover, you suspect Glow of attempting to impede Ditzy and Breeze's mission, am I correct?"
"Well…" Cloudcover stuttered. "I mean… given the circumstances…"
Candyfloss nodded solemnly. "I am aware of Glow's less then friendly attitude toward the rest of you, and particularly towards Ditzy Doo, but I've been cutting her some slack since she's such a wonderful shipper. I don't want to believe it, but it is quite possible that she's attempting to compromise the success of the assignment, in which case I must urge the two of you to make haste in getting to Ditzy and Breeze's side."
"Will do, sir!" Watt said, and he and his companion turned to go.
Suddenly, Candyfloss sat bolt upright in his chair; colored sparks arced from his horn and danced through the air.
"Boss?" asked Cloudcover questioningly. "Are you okay?"
"My arbitrary shipping senses are trying to tell me something," Candyfloss whispered. "You know, the senses that tell me what to do to help a random somepony find the mare or stallion they're looking for."
The unicorn sat quietly for a moment before speaking again. "I need you two to do a small favor for me. Just don't ask for the logic behind it; as always, I have no idea how this action will lead to somepony's successful relationship."
"Well, what is it?" the pegasus asked.
Candyfloss paused before speaking.
"Cloudcover, you are familiar with Ditzy's daughter Dinky, right?"
"Yes."
"Take her with you to Canterlot."
Cloudcover started. "Wh-what?"
"Please." Candyfloss insisted.
Bewildered, Cloudcover nodded slowly and left, with Watt trailing behind. The latter called out "You're the boss, Candyfloss!" as he vanished from the room.
"Sometimes I baffle even myself," Candyfloss whispered as he watched his employees leave. "But I'm sure this will somehow lead to a positive result. It always does."
The unicorn glanced down at the records he had been perusing; there was Glow's smug face, smiling up from the picture.
A thought struck the stallion, and he turned to glance at the shipping hotline telephone on his desk.
I need to get to the bottom of all this. It's time to make a few calls.
The royal ballroom was decorated so lavishly, it was as if preparations were underway for the Grand Galloping Gala. No average pony would suspect all this adornment was simply for a small party hosted by Princess Luna, with only six guests on the invitees' list.
Ditzy and Breeze hovered near the ceiling, securing another long, beautiful banner into place between two columns. For the umpteenth time, both ponies scanned the room for any sign of the malicious unicorn they suspected was still lurking nearby. But there was no sign of Glow; she had vanished after her brief confrontation with Breeze, and hadn't reappeared yet. But the pegasi were growing increasingly wary.
Princess Luna, on the other hoof, was still not aware that anything was wrong. She hummed loudly to herself as she examined the contents of the long tables, checking to assure all the food and ornaments she wished to provide were present and accounted for. Her pegasus assistants floated down to join her as she stood back and admired her handiwork.
"I do hope Twilight Sparkle and her friends enjoy the party," the princess said quietly. "It is imperative that I leave a good impression on all of them, since I am certain that at least a few of them are uncertain about being in my presence."
"Everything looks lovely, princess," Ditzy said. "I'm sure they'll all have a great time."
"They should be here any minute," Breeze reminded the princess.
Luna realized the time and gasped, rushing to the door to wait to greet her guests. Ditzy and Breeze were given a final moment for a private discussion.
"Still no sign of Glow, huh?" Breeze whispered.
"Nope," said Ditzy. "Maybe she's going to leave us alone?"
"I wish I could believe that," Breeze said. "But more likely she's hidden somewhere, waiting for the party to start."
"She… she could be right behind us, and we wouldn't know it," Ditzy realized. "Why does she have to be a unicorn? We can fly, but she can use all sorts of sneaky and unpredictable techniques against us."
"Just relax for now, and keep an eye out," Breeze said. "I think Watt and Cloudcover will be here soon; we just need to keep things under control for a little while longer."
There was a great commotion at the door as a cacophony of voices approached. The pegasi could hear the high pitched yammering of Pinkie Pie and the arguing voices of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Rarity could be heard loudly gushing about the beauty of Canterlot, and Twilight and Fluttershy's quiet voices even carried in the large, echoing hall.
"Come on, we have to go to the kitchen and get our disguises again," Breeze said, motioning toward the swinging double doors. Quickly, the two ponies disappeared through the doors as Luna's guests entered the hall.
"Welcome, Twilight Sparkle, and her most esteemed companions," Luna said. "Is has been far too long since all of us came together at a happy occasion such as this. To show my appreciation for all of you, and the things you have done for me in the past, I have decided to throw you a most splendid party. I do hope you enjoy it."
Pinkie Pie gasped as she gazed past Luna at the lavishly decorated hall.
"This… this is an amazing party! Even I have to work pretty hard to set up a party like this one!"
"I agree, it looks… very nice…" Fluttershy squeaked, equally amazed by the scene set before her despite her lingering apprehension of the Princess.
"See girls," said Twilight, turning to her friends. "I told you this would be just fine. Now let's just have some fun and enjoy Princess Luna's hospitality!"
"Yes!" Luna agreed. "And feel free to ask the staff members for aid if anything is not to your liking."
The six ponies and their princess trotted into the hall and soon were celebrating merrily, eating, dancing, and playing games with one another.
From the kitchen, Ditzy and Breeze watched, scanning the room again and again for any sign of something amiss. Breeze glanced at the clock; it was six in the evening, and the party was scheduled to go until nine.
These are going to be the longest three hours of my life, the red pegasus thought to himself. Watt, Cloudcover, where are you?
The Canterlot express chugged along the mountainous track, bound for Equestria's capitol city. Seated in one passenger car was a white pegasus, a yellow earth pony, and a young, purple-grey unicorn.
"I've got to say, Dinky," Cloudcover said. "I didn't expect you to just come along with us on a whim so easily. I mean, we don't even know why we're bringing you, except that Candyfloss told us to."
Dinky smiled. "Well, it's not a school night anyway, and you aren't a stranger or anything; I'm sure mom would be okay with it. In fact, we're going to the same place she's at anyway, aren't we?"
"That's true," said Cloudcover thoughtfully. "I guess I shouldn't have doubted that you'd want to come along; your mom's always telling Breeze and I about how interested you are in the shipping business. And if Candyfloss sensed that you could help, I should have assumed that everything would work out. His shipping senses don't activate if there's going to be any resistance; they must have known you'd be willing to come along."
Watt glanced out the window. "I just hope we get there in time to help," he said. "Cloudcover, you and I could have been there by now if we didn't have to pick up the little squirt here, and then take the train."
"Oh, well excuse me for not being able to keep up with an adult pegasus and the world's fastest earth pony," Dinky said, a bit sassily.
There was a brief pause, and then both the filly and Watt chuckled.
"You're all right, kid," Watt said. "Not afraid to put your opinion out there, just like your mom."
"Watt has a point, though," Cloudcover said. "Dinky, all we know is that your presence will help somepony, somewhere, with their relationship. I just hope we haven't ruined our chances of fulfilling the princess's request by honoring this one."
"Eh, Dr. C has never steered us wrong before, I guess," Watt said, putting his forehooves behind his head in a reclined position. "Besides, how much trouble could Cosmo possibly stir up, anyhow?"
Cloudcover wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer as he stared at the castle's silhouette on the horizon.
Darkness covered the castle grounds. Cosmic Glow slunk along, staying low to the ground, avoiding the gaze of the nearby night guards. The purple disaster-for-hire Screwball trotted along obliviously behind her.
"For Celestia's sake, Screwball," Glow whispered. "Can't you at least try to stay hidden? You're going to get us caught."
"Hidden?" asked Screwball. "Okay!"
With a tiny, gleeful hop, she leapt into the air, and landed perfectly in one of Glow's saddlebags. She was far too big to fit, but, never one to obey the laws of physics, she disappeared into its tiny interior, not even causing the bag to bulge.
Her weight, unfortunately, did not change, and Glow staggered sideways from the sudden sensation of supporting another whole pony.
"That's not going to work," she hissed. "I'm too off balance with you in there."
There was a moment of shuffling, and then Glow watched as Screwball's back legs, hindquarters, and tail climbed out of the bag, strode across her back, and leapt into the other bag. Disturbing as the spectacle was, it did provide a much more even distribution of weight.
"Alright, fine. Whatever," said Glow, already getting fed up with the creature she'd only known for a few hours. "Let's just get inside."
Again, Glow turned herself invisible. She was no virtuoso of the magical arts, but this was one trick she had mastered, and she was particularly fond of it. Sneaking between two bored-looking castle guards proved to be a simple task.
Dropping the cloaking spell, Glow trotted quietly through the dim halls of the castle, making her way towards the ballroom. Within a few minutes, she reached its huge wooden doors; music, talking, and laughter could be heard coming from the other side.
"Ditzy and Breeze are going to be on the lookout for us," Glow whispered to her companion. "We need a secret way in."
Screwball did not respond. Glow turned to stare quizzically at her saddlebags; both were still weighed down, so why wasn't Screwball responding.
The unicorn lifted the flap on each bag, and sighed. One bag was stuffed to the brim with spiral screws; the other was packed with baseballs. But the pony that had inhabited them before was nowhere to be found.
Figures, Glow thought. I knew I couldn't trust Discord to give me decent help.
Suddenly, one of the gleaming floor tiles burst from the floor; Screwball climbed out from the crawlspace beneath it.
"Secret!" she whispered excitedly, motioning wildly to the tiny passageway.
Glow poked her head into the filthy space beneath the floor. It was small, but still big enough for a pony to squeeze through. Plus, it led right underneath the ballroom. Glow glanced at Screwball, impressed.
"You aren't as useless as you look!"
The unicorn stepped down into the opening, motioning for Screwball to follow.
"Alright then," she whispered. "Let's start crashing a party. Ready to cause a little chaos, Screwball?"
"Rarity, if it's not too much of a bother, could you get me some more punch?"
"Of course, Fluttershy, darling."
Rarity sauntered over to the table, carrying both hers and Fluttershy's glasses in her magic's aura. She was completely unaware of the new arrivals, who were now crouched beneath the long table, hidden by the long, dangling tablecloth.
Screwball appeared to be concentrating intently, but it was hard to tell considering her eyes contained only swirls. She waited until Rarity had moved to a certain position, then suddenly jerked upward, slamming her head against the underside of the table. This caused the punch bowl directly above to fly up in a graceful arc, and land upside down on Rarity's head, covering her pristine white coat with purple punch.
Rarity's shrill cry immediately caught the attention of the other partygoers. They raced to her side as the unicorn shook violently, trying to throw the dark liquid from her coat.
"Rarity! What happened?" Twilight asked.
"I have no idea!" Rarity wailed. "The punch just… flew into the air! And now I'm covered in it!"
"Relax," said Rainbow Dash. "Just go wash it out. It's just punch; it's not like it'll stain your fur."
Rarity laughed nervously. "Yes, you're right Rainbow. I'll just… just go wash up…"
Rarity trotted to the restrooms, and after a moment, the other ponies began to return to their previous festive mood as a janitor arrived to mop up the punch. He dipped his mop into the puddle, then moved it to the bucket to rinse it. But, strangely, once submerged, the mop remained purple.
"Now what do you make of that?" the janitor said to Twilight, who was standing nearby. "It's almost like the punch has some kinda' permanent color."
Twilight's pupils contracted. "Uh-oh…"
The scream that issued from the washroom a moment later was even shriller than the earlier one. All the ponies and the princess rushed to aid Rarity, who doubtlessly was discovering that her coat was now a new permanent color.
Glow turned to Screwball with an impressed expression. "You enchanted the punch with permanent color? Brilliant!"
Screwball just grinned, and her propeller beanie spun wildly.
Standing in the kitchen door, Ditzy and Breeze exchanged glances.
"You think that was Glow?" Ditzy asked.
"Might be," said Breeze. "We'd better go investigate."
As the two pegasi approached the table, a flash erupted from beneath it. Somepony had just teleported.
"Crud," said Breeze. "It is Glow. Dang it, where in Equestria are Watt and Cloudcover? We need them before things get really out of hoof!"
Luna emerged from the washrooms first, looking worried. She approached Ditzy and Breeze.
"Twilight and her friends are still trying to comfort Rarity," she said. "Do you know what happened to the punch?"
Breeze sighed, realizing it was time to come clean. He turned back to Luna and took a deep breath before speaking.
"Princess, I'm afraid somepony is trying to sabotage the party."
The Princess's expression remained unreadable. "Then you must take care of this saboteur before he or she ruins the evening." she said.
The shippers did not expect such a straightforward response. "We're… we're trying," Breeze stuttered.
"That's not good enough," said Luna levelly. "The description of the services your company provides includes any and all behind-the-scenes work for the benefit of the client and their pony of interest."
"Yeah…" said Breeze. "And?"
"And…" Luna continued. "That means that you are fully responsible for handling the situation, no matter how serious it may be. You will NOT allow this saboteur to ruin the party, if you have any hope of earning a reward. Am I making myself clear?"
"Crystal clear, princess," Ditzy said.
Luna nodded curtly and proceeded to the table to wait for the others to return from the washroom. Ditzy and Breeze breathed worried sighs; there were still over two hours to go. Could they hope to keep the party from descending into complete chaos for that long?
The evening went downhill more quickly than anypony had expected.
Glow, who was now crouched in her passageway beneath the floor again, was quite intrigued by Screwball's abilities; sure, the unicorn could easily have used her magic to dump punch on somepony's head, but she couldn't have made it stain permanently like the little creature of chaos had. Now Rarity was complaining that she would have to shave her coat, and hide in her boutique for weeks until it re-grew. Her generally dour mood was putting a damper on the festive mood of the party; in other words, Glow's plan was beginning to work.
It was equally fun for Glow to watch Ditzy and Breeze scamper about, trying desperately to find her without alerting the party guests that anything was wrong. They were failing, of course, but perhaps they'd do better once Cloudcover and Watt arrived. Glow decided to launch another prank before that happened.
"Screwball," she whispered, pointing out of the gap in the tiles to a yellow pony she had been observing for the last few minutes. "That yellow pegasus seems pretty jumpy. See if you can do something to give her a good scare, since she doesn't look like she can take it."
Screwball smiled and motioned to the balloons tied to the railing nearby. "Kaboom!" she squealed excitedly.
Glow looked skeptical. "You're… going to make the balloons pop? I guess that works, I just figured you'd be more… original."
Screwball wasn't listening. She watched intently until Fluttershy was near a stray balloon. Then the chaos pony clapped her front hooves together.
The balloon not only burst, it blew forth an enormous sound, as loud as a cannon blast, right behind Fluttershy. The pegasus shrieked and jumped ten feet in the air, floating for an instant right next to a whole cluster of balloons.
Again, Screwball clapped her front hooves.
The resulting sound as all the balloons magically burst was deafening. Fluttershy was literally blown to the ground by a sound as loud as a bomb. Completely unable to move, the pegasus simply lied there, her usually butter yellow coat gone almost completely white with fear, and her whole body quivering like gelatin.
Glow had to shove a hoof into her own mouth to avoid bursting into laughter as all the other startled ponies rushed to Fluttershy's side.
"Fluttershy! Are you okay, sugarcube?" Applejack asked with concern.
Fluttershy didn't respond; she stared at the ceiling, her eyes wide and unblinking. She continued to shake violently all over.
"Princess," asked Twilight. "What happened? What was in those balloons?"
"I don't know!" The princess responded defensively. "Perhaps there was some mixup with the compressed helium and some other, more volatile gas? I'm… I'm certain it was a simple misunderstanding…"
"Here, Fluttershy," Pinkie said. "Let me get you some water."
The pink pony hoped over to the table and filled a cup for her friend. She also snatched up a couple of cupcakes for herself.
Screwball pointed excitedly from their hiding spot. Glow looked at Pinkie Pie, unsure what Screwball was planning.
"Whatever you're asking to do, go ahead and do it." Glow said. "I'm sure it will be hilarious."
Up above, the pink earth pony returned to her group of friends, carefully administering the water to Fluttershy. The pegasus gave a little gasp and finally came to her senses, but it was obvious that it would be a while before she calmed down.
"There you go, Flutters," said Pinkie. "You're looking better already!"
With a grin, Pinkie tossed one of the cupcakes into her mouth, chewed briefly and swallowed contently. A split second passed, and suddenly, the hyper mare's happy expression changed to one of surprise and disgust.
"No! It can't be!" she cried suddenly, startling the others, who were still clustered around Fluttershy. Desperately, she tore open the other cupcake, and looked on in horror as the contents she suspected became visible; a greenish-grey cake substance, crawling with earthworms.
"The Baked Bads! They have returned from beyond the grave!" Pinkie wailed, falling dramatically over backwards. Already, the poor mare could feel her stomach cramping from the one she had consumed; Baked Bads had a nasty track record for upsetting the stomach of anypony (save for Spike) who dared to devour them.
"But that's impossible!" said Applejack, cringing as she remembered her involvement in the original Baked Bads incident. Delicately, she lifted the tainted treat. A slimy worm poked its head out and peered at her. The earth pony dropped the cupcake in disgust.
"Maybe there was some sort of… problem in the kitchen," Luna said apologetically. "Please excuse me while I speak with the chefs."
"Take your time…" said Pinkie weakly, who was beginning to turn green as she suppressed the growing urge to vomit.
Luna cantered into the kitchen, quickly coming face to face with two very concerned looking pegasi.
"You two had best sort this mess out very soon," the princess warned. "I mean, what kind of assistants are you? You didn't even notice when somepony switched out the cupcakes for that trash?"
"Nopony touched the cupcakes!" Ditzy insisted. "The bad ingredients must have been magically placed there."
"Impossible!" Luna declared. "Nopony can simply alter the structure of food like that; it's simply not in the realm of unicorn ability. Now, I don't care what you have to do; take care of this threat before the party is ruined, or so help me…"
Luna didn't finish her sentence. She just turned in a huff and marched back outside.
The party was beginning to lose what little energy it had left. Rarity still looked mopey, Fluttershy was barely able to stand, and Pinkie Pie was gagging and clutching a paper bag in case she couldn't overcome the nausea. The princess sighed and racked her brain for a way to liven things up.
"Why don't we move on and play some games," she asked. "Maybe it will take everypony's minds off all these accidents?"
"That sounds like a good idea," Twilight said. "Anypony up for it?"
Applejack and Rainbow Dash nodded. After much coaxing, Rarity convinced Fluttershy to pick herself up and join in. Pinkie, not wanting to be a party pooper, hobbled over as well.
Somepony had set up a pin-the-tail-on-the-pony poster. It was a fairly generic pastime, to be sure, but at this point, Luna was looking for something distracting and mind-numbing to alleviate the lingering hard feelings. Glow, however, had other plans.
"Listen closely, Screwball," she whispered. "I have a good plan to mess this one up." She whispered her idea to the pinkish pony, who simply nodded. The two mischief makers waited until it was the princess's turn.
Gingerly, Luna stepped forward, trying to find the spot to place the fake tail despite the blindfold she wore. But suddenly, a few blocks of stone in the floor, manipulated from afar by Screwball, caused the princess to lose her balance and stagger sideways toward the watching friends.
Applejack ducked just in time as Luna swung her head in an attempt to keep her balance. The earth pony avoided any injury… but her hat wasn't so lucky. Applejack's favorite accessory wound up skewered on Luna's horn as the princess finally failed to maintain her balance and fell over.
"What happened?" she asked bluntly, removing the blindfold.
"Consarn' it!" Applejack cursed. "You darn near killed me, Princess! And look at what'cha did to my hat!
Luna glanced up at Applejack's signature headgear, torn and dangling pathetically from her horn. "I'm so sorry, Applejack," she apologized. "I don't know what happened, I just lost my balance."
"Let's not get too worked up over a little accident," Twilight implored. "Everypony's fine, and Applejack has more hats at home, don't you AJ?"
"Yeah, I guess," Applejack said. She sat down, grumpily.
"This'n was my favorite, though."
"Perhaps we should play something else," said Luna. "Would anypony like to try to break the piñata?"
"Ooh! Me!" Pinkie Pie jumped up excitedly, but the action did not sit well with her stomach, and she quickly sat back down, looking queasy.
"Or… or not…"
"Let me at it!" Rainbow Dash declared. "I'll wreck the thing in ten seconds flat!"
Rainbow Dash was led to the dangling piñata and blindfolded. The pegasus hovered in the air, swinging a bat forcefully at the colorful, treat filled paper craft.
"We haven't done a thing to that pony yet," Glow observed. "Go ahead Screwball. You pick what kind of chaos we use this time."
Rainbow laughed as she whizzed through the air, missing the piñata by inches again and again. Finally, she floated right in front of her target.
"I've got you now!"
Rainbow wound up and took a mighty swing, the bat connecting dead center with the piñata.
CLANG!
To everypony's surprise, the piñata burst open, and deposited an anvil right on top of poor Rainbow Dash, who plummeted to the ground under its weight.
Glow couldn't take it anymore; she buried her face in her hooves, trying to stifle the fit of laughter.
Rainbow Dash's friends immediately rushed over to lift the heavy object off of their friend. Luckily, Rainbow was able to stand, but she definitely looked like she was in pain.
"What's the big idea, princess?" Rainbow growled. "What kind of wacko puts an anvil in a piñata?"
Luna looked more dumbfounded than anything else. "I… I didn't… it was… it was full of candy before, I swear…"
"Yeah, sure," Rainbow said sarcastically. "I'm all for a good prank, princess, but that was taking it a bit far, don't you think?"
To illustrate her point, Rainbow winced as she tried to take a step.
"Sweet Celestia, this is gonna' hurt in the morning."
The guests were all beginning to look to Luna rather uncomfortably. Applejack and Rainbow, quicker to accuse then the rest, just looked outright angry.
The princess bit her lip in frustration. She was on very thin ice now; if anything else went wrong, she was certain the others would turn on her and everything would be ruined.
Where is this blasted party crasher? Luna thought. And why can't my hired help stop her?
Watt screeched to a halt, skidding several feet on the cobblestone streets of downtown Canterlot. Cloudcover caught up a moment later, with Dinky trailing behind, panting as she tried to keep up.
Finally, the three of them had reached their destination; at the end of the street sat the grand entrance to Canterlot castle, gleaming in the moonlight.
"Whoa," Dinky breathed. "That place is huge."
"What did you expect?" Watt asked. "You can see it from Ponyville."
"Come on!" Cloudcover urged. "We're behind schedule. Let's get up there!"
The two stallions dashed ahead, and Dinky, eager to see what kind of situation was unfolding, followed as quickly as her little legs would carry her. Upon arriving at the castle, a guard directed them to the back entrance to the kitchen behind the ballroom, and they stepped inside, immediately catching sight of the disguised Ditzy and Breeze, who were still watching the unfolding scene outside through the window in the kitchen doors.
"Did somepony call for backup?" Watt asked.
Startled, the two pegasi turned around. "There you guys are!" Breeze said. "What the hay took you so long?"
"Candyfloss instructed us to bring a… erm… a passenger," Cloudcover said, stepping aside to reveal the filly behind him.
"Hi, mom!" Dinky chirped.
Ditzy's jaw dropped at the sight of her daughter. "Dinky? But… what?" She babbled incoherently. "Wait, Candyfloss sent you? Why?"
Cloudcover shrugged. "You know how he is. Apparently, Dinky being in Canterlot tonight will help somepony with a relationship situation. We can only hope it's this one, but Candyfloss doesn't know for sure."
Ditzy frowned. "Alright," she said finally. "But Dinky needs to stay back here, where it's safe. We don't know what else Glow is planning."
"So ol' Cosmo is up to no good then?" Watt asked. "We figured as much."
"She's becoming quite a nuisance, actually," Breeze admitted. "And we can't stop her. She's completely hidden, wherever she is. And the methods she's using to ruin the party… they just don't make any sense. No unicorn should be able to do some of the stuff that's been happening."
"Hey!" Watt said suddenly. "Maybe Dinky can help us find her!"
Cloudcover shook his head. "Dinky doesn't know any magic, remember?"
A pang of dread struck Ditzy as Cloudcover's words reminded her of Dinky's rejection from the Academy, and, by extension, the looming debt. Dinky still didn't know about these circumstances herself, but Ditzy's last chance of escaping from at least one of them was rapidly fading as Luna's party deteriorated.
"Get your disguises on," Ditzy commanded the two other shippers. "Maybe the four of us can still find Glow before it's too late."
A shrill cry pierced the air; somepony in the ballroom had screamed.
"It might already be too late," Breeze said, rushing to the doors with the rest of the shippers to see what had happened.
Glow watched in shock; Screwball had outdone herself this time.
As Luna and her guests congregated around the table to cut the cake, the chaos pony had worked her magic once again. It was a simple prank this time; with a wave of her hoof, she had caused the multi-layered cake to fly into the air, and drop down right onto the head of Twilight Sparkle.
What impressed Glow about this was the extra touch Screwball had added. Before the cake was launched, Screwball had taken the time to surround it in an artificial, midnight blue aura, so that it appeared to everypony in the room that Luna herself had dropped the cake on her friend.
Glow smiled devilishly. This was it; she was certain that now, the battle was won.
All of Twilight's friends looked at Luna in shock as the young unicorn struggled to shake off all the cake. Luna, as utterly baffled as the rest of them, sputtered some incoherent phrases, riddled with a mixture of confused and apologetic elements.
"Twilight! I'm sorry… I mean, it wasn't me... I know, it looked like it was me, but that was… I mean, this is a mistake… somehow… really!"
Slowly, Twilight turned to look at Luna, attempting to brush a few more gobs of icing out of her mane. Her eyes were full of disappointment.
"You know what, princess Luna?" she asked softly. "I know that you were hoping this party would help us all become better friends. And I know sometimes, figuring out the ways of friendship is very hard; believe me, I've been through it all myself."
She sighed before continuing. "But tonight… tonight, we've all just been sullied, scared, sickened, offended, injured, and generally humiliated. I don't know how, I don't know why, and I don't know how much of it had to do with you. But there's simply been too many 'accidents' to pass this all off as coincidence."
Twilight looked at the floor sadly. "So, princess, if you don't mind, I think the six of us will get going. We've all had enough of this for one night; we just want to go back to Ponyville."
"But-" Luna attempted.
Twilight held up a hoof. "I'm sorry, princess, but we just can't. Just… just leave us be for today, okay?"
The unicorn turned to her equally frustrated friends. "Come on, girls. Let's go."
Luna could only watch as the six ponies she'd hoped to impress and befriend made for the door. Some of them glared, others cast only sorrowful glances. But all of them looked thoroughly ready to get away from the princess of the night.
Twilight was at the back of the group. As the others disappeared, she turned one more time to the princess.
"One word of advice, Princess Luna," she said softly. "I still can't say for sure what happened here tonight. It might have been your fault, and it might not. But, if you'll pardon my honesty, your highness… if a series of cruel jokes is how you expected to successfully break the ice among a group of prospective friends… then you know even less about friendship than I did a few years ago."
Luna was silent. Twilight shook her head sadly, and turned to follow her friends.
With a groan of despair, Ditzy Doo sank to the floor, covering her face with her hooves. The other shippers looked sullen as well.
"It's over," she sobbed. "Glow ruined everything."
"Dr. Candyfloss won't be pleased," Cloudcover said. "This mission wasn't supposed to fail."
Sympathetically, Dinky trotted over to the mare slumped on the floor and gave her mother a comforting nuzzle. "It's okay, mommy," she said. "You and Mr. Breeze tried your best. It's not the end of the world if you fail an assignment, right? You told me you've failed before…"
Ditzy wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at her daughter. The filly always tried so hard to be helpful and supportive; Ditzy positively dreaded the idea of breaking her positive spirit with the bad news.
"Dinky dear, listen, there's something I have to tell you," she began quietly. "Late last night, my old friend Raindrops came by with some news…"
WHAM!
The kitchen doors flew open so forcefully they very nearly broke off the hinges. Behind them stood the princess, shaking and seething with anger. Dinky yelped and hid behind the adults.
"YOU BUFFOONS!" Luna bellowed. "This should have been a simple matter for you! Beyond simple, even! But no, you let some mischievous little prankster get away with a whole series of little disturbances! Twilight and her friends now want nothing to do with me!"
She glanced at the stallions behind Ditzy and Breeze. "I see your 'backup' has arrived. Too bad it's far too little, far too late. What kind of company are you, sending reinforcements hours after they are needed?"
The princess snorted indignantly at the lack of response. "Out of my sight, all of you. Don't even think about asking for compensation for this fiasco. You're lucky I have decided not to issue a decree to have your worthless company shut down right now!"
Luna turned and began to storm out.
"Wait."
Surprised, Ditzy, Cloudcover, Watt, and Dinky all glanced at Breeze, who had spoken out despite the princess's verbal beat-down. Princess Luna turned around, gazing at Breeze curiously.
"Now hang on just a second, princess," Breeze said, trotting right up to Luna and looking her straight in the eye, not intimidated by her superior stature. "We never guaranteed success. We did what we could, and things didn't work out as we planned. But you know what? There may be a way to fix this yet, if you'll just listen to our advice."
The other shippers' jaws dropped. Breeze was taking a chance, addressing the already angry princess in such a bold fashion. Luna, however, seemed more intrigued by Breeze's words than enraged by them.
"Explain yourself!" Luna commanded. "How could there possibly be a way to bring this night back from this disaster?"
"It's actually simpler than you might think," Breeze said. "This party was an elaborate attempt to show Twilight Sparkle and her friends that you appreciated them and wanted them to appreciate you. And it would have worked if not for all the chaos that disrupted it. So now, it's time to turn away from the lavish decorations and massive celebrations. It's time to be sincere. Catch up with them before they get off the castle grounds, and apologize. Don't offer them anything more, don't try to make it up to them, don't even claim that this wasn't your fault."
"But it wasn't!" Luna insisted.
"You know that, and I know that, but they aren't so sure, and there's really no way to prove it," Breeze said. "But princess, something tells me they will understand. My partner Ditzy here has worked with all of these ponies in the past, and from what I've heard, they're all very sensible and forgiving mares. And right now, the events that transpired tonight combined with the way you reacted to them has led those mares to believe that you are thoughtless and overbearing. And there's no better way to get them to understand that you really are a friendly and caring pony than to offer them a simple, sincere apology, and express your wish to remain their friend."
Luna blinked. "And… if it doesn't work?"
"It's not like it will do any additional harm," Breeze said casually. "And if it fails, then we've truly failed in our attempt to help you. But who knows… if you do this right, it might have just as powerful an effect as the party would have, had it been successful. A little outright, unveiled sincerity can go a long way."
Luna nodded. "I see your point, my friend. I shall try your suggestion. And I hope you will try to hold off that pony who seems to intent on ruining my evening, if she's still around."
The princess sighed. "I must hurry and catch up to the others. Good luck to us all."
And with that, she trotted swiftly from the room.
"Alright, guys," Breeze said, as soon as she had left. "We have one last chance. We have to take care of Glow before she ruins the princess's apology."
"Let's split up and search the grounds around the entry pathway," Watt said. "I'm glad I brought the walkie-talkies from HQ. They're a little dusty, since it's been a while since we had a joint mission, but they should still work."
"Brilliant, Watt!" Cloudcover declared, grabbing one of the handheld radios. "If anypony finds her, report in with these immediately and we'll all come running."
Ditzy stared at her walkie-talkie, not sure what to think. Breeze glanced in her direction and saw her uncertainty.
"Ditzy," he said quietly. "Don't worry. We can do this, I know we can."
Ditzy couldn't help but smile at her friend's confident expression.
A crackling, fizzing sound suddenly filled the room. The four shippers and the filly were startled, wheeling to look at the source. A sphere of magical energy coursed briefly across the room, and a blue unicorn materialized within it.
"Gah!" Glow gasped in surprise when she found herself face-to-face with the others. "You're all still here?"
Before anypony could speak, all four of Glow's coworkers were charging forward in an effort to subdue her. Breeze was the first to reach her; but when he was just inches away from tackling the villain, he collided suddenly with a reflective magical shield. The ponies stood helplessly on the other side of the translucent wall, scowling as Glow smirked at them.
"Well, Ditzy," Glow said, ignoring the others completely. "It looks like you won't be catching up to me after all. What a shame. But to be fair, dear, you can't say I didn't warn you."
"I've told you a thousand times, Glow, I don't care about passing your record!" Ditzy screamed. "But what you don't seem to be aware of is that this assignment is my only chance of avoiding a seriously terrible event in my personal life right now."
"I don't care what's going on," Glow said. "You were given plenty of warning. You brought this on yourself. I'm in charge here, Ditzy. Go back to being a two-bit mailmare."
Ditzy said nothing. She just glared at her long-time rival.
"The joke's on you, Cosmo," Watt said. "Luna's going to fix everything. She's doing it right now, actually."
Glow laughed. "Oh Watt. Simple, simple Watt. I'm completely aware of your little plan to have Luna apologize. My wonderful assistant is already poised to take care of the problem."
"Assistant?" Breeze asked. "You're working with somepony?"
"The best of the best," Glow bragged. "Discord's own little helper, Screwball."
"That explains all the bizarre pranks!" Ditzy gasped. "You've been relying on chaos magic!"
"Come on, we need to go stop her," Breeze said. "Watt, Cloudcover, make sure Glow doesn't get away."
"Nopony is going anywhere!" Glow announced. With a flourish of her magic, she lifted all four of her coworkers into the air, suspending them there against their will.
"Let's see how much help you can be from the princess once I teleport you all back to Ponyville!" Glow laughed.
The suspended ponies struggled, but could do nothing against Glow's power.
"Stop it!"
Everypony turned to the source of the voice. Little Dinky had jumped up onto one of the counters, and was glaring at Glow. The blue unicorn laughed once again.
"Run along and play, kid," she said passively. "The grown-ups are busy now."
Glow's magic intensified, preparing to transport her competition away.
"I said STOP!"
On the word 'stop', a bright yellow shockwave erupted from Dinky's small body. It wasn't felt by anypony as it passed, but it instantly negated Glow's spells; the four suspended ponies dropped to the floor, and the shield shattered.
Absolutely shocked, Ditzy stared wide-eyed at her daughter.
"Dinky," she gasped. "I thought… I thought you didn't know any magic!"
"I didn't use magic!" The filly insisted. "Or at least I… I didn't try to. It just happened!"
Glow looked outraged. "Oh, so that's how you want to play it, you little brat?" she hissed. "You think you can out-magic me?"
"I… what?" asked Dinky. "That magic was an accident, I swear!"
"Well then," Glow said with a smirk. "The odds of that happening again are minimal at best. I don't need to worry about some filly's little magic tricks anyway."
Glow's horn lit up again; it was easy enough for the adult unicorn to simply restore her magical defenses.
I've got to do something, Dinky thought. Mom and the others have to help the princess! There must be something I can do to help fight this mean unicorn!
Dinky concentrated hard, trying to figure out what force deep in the recesses of her body she had called upon to produce that spell. It had happened accidentally, but there had to be a way to do it on purpose.
I was totally focused on saving mom and her friends, she realized. If I can focus my own thoughts on my goal strongly enough, my unicorn magic can do the rest!
Dinky slammed her eyes shut and concentrated with all her might on her mother and the danger she was in. She imagined shattering Glow's spell once again.
The filly didn't even have to open her eyes; the sound of the shattering shield, and of suspended ponies falling again to the floor was enough to tell her she had once again been successful.
"I knew it," Glow sneered. "You little liar. I'll teach you to interrupt my magic!"
This time, Glow used her spell to hold Dinky in place instead. As much as the filly tried, she was firmly anchored to the ground.
"Hey, let me go!"
As expected, Ditzy's temper immediately flared.
"Glow," she said, her voice shaking. "Let her go. I'm not a violent pony, but if you hurt her, I promise you that I will personally rip you apart."
Glow chuckled. "It's so fun to watch you get all bent out of shape when your daughter enters the equation," she laughed. "You know you can't do anything to me; I can just put my shield back up, even if the little squirt knocks it down."
Glow smiled at the pegasus leering at her from the other side of the shield. She moved to step forward to look her rival right in the face… but strangely, her hooves wouldn't leave the ground.
"What… what is this?" asked Glow in confusion.
Now it was Dinky's turn to laugh, her own little horn glowing with an intense yellow aura. "Pretty simple spell you're using there, Glow," she giggled. "In only took me a couple seconds to figure out how to copy it and use it on you!"
Glow growled angrily, but was unable to break out of Dinky's enchantment. The two unicorns held each other still.
"Mom," said Dinky. "And the rest of you, too. Please, you need to hurry and help Princess Luna."
"What?" Ditzy gasped. "I'm not leaving you in here with this traitor!"
"It's under control!" Dinky insisted. "I may be really new to magic, but it turns out it's a little easier than I thought it would be. I can hold her. Really!"
"But… I can't just leave you here," Ditzy insisted. "What if she-"
"Mom!" Dinky interrupted. "You're running out of time! You've just got to trust me! I'm not a baby anymore, and I can help make sure you guys succeed in your assignment. Please, let me handle it alone!"
Breeze put a hoof on Ditzy's shoulder. "There's nothing we can help with anyway," he said quietly. "Glow's powers make her untouchable as far as us pegasi are concerned."
"Besides," he continued in a whisper. "Glow won't actually hurt anypony. It's not her style. She'd rather cause misery than pain."
Ditzy bit her lip, but finally she nodded. "Well… alright. Be careful, Dinky."
Dinky smiled, even though she couldn't turn her head for her mother to see. "Thanks, mom. Now get going!"
Despite Glow's enraged outcries, the four ponies raced from the kitchen, on one final mission to stop Screwball from ruining Luna's last chance for redemption.
A bizarre purple pony-like creature sat perched above the huge stone archway over the castle's front doors, poorly attempting to mimic a gargoyle as she waited for her target to appear.
The six ponies from earlier appeared, trudging slowly down the long stone pathway leading to the edge of the castle grounds. None of them seemed to be in a big hurry; in fact, they all appeared rather forlorn.
Screwball briefly pondered this. It was certainly strange. After all, she'd been dishing out dose after dose of wonderfully fun chaos all night; by now, those ponies should have been having the time of their lives.
She chalked it up to it just being a bad day and waited patiently for her other target to appear.
The six ponies had nearly reached the end of the long walkway when Princess Luna suddenly shot forth from the castle, taking to the air to catch up quickly to the others. She landed near them, and Screwball watched them turn around to face their princess.
"Wait, Twilight Sparkle, and the rest of you, please," she said desperately.
The group of ponies sighed collectively. "Princess Luna, I told you already," Twilight said. "We've had enough of this for tonight. Just let us-"
"I know you have," Luna said, cutting Twilight off. "I'm not trying to get you to come back, or anything. I just… want to apologize."
Some distance away, Screwball watched, not sure what the princess and her friends were up to. But whatever it was, certainly some chaos would spice it up!
Screwball was so intent on her next bit of magic that she didn't even notice four more ponies dashing out the front doors.
"Listen up, everypony," said Breeze. "Keep in contact with the walkie-talkies. If you see any sign of chaos, counter it with any means necessary. And if you find Screwball, subdue her and contact the rest of us immediately. Got it?"
"Roger!" said Watt. Ditzy and Cloudcover just nodded. The four ponies split up and ran in different directions.
Up above, Screwball prepared to unleash her next prank. A few large trees surrounded the pathway near where that group of ponies was standing; it would sure be funny once those trees hog-tied the ponies with their roots. Screwball waved her hoof to animate the plants while Luna, oblivious to the change, continued with her apology.
"Apologize?" Twilight asked.
"Yes," said Luna. "Because I know all of you suffered tonight. I know how much of this evening's events were my fault, but I don't feel trying to convince you of anything will help either of us, so I will leave each of you to believe what you will. After all, the point is not what happened this evening; it's how terrible I feel about it all."
As Luna spoke, several dozen roots began to poke tentatively out of the ground, twisting as if they were observing their surroundings. Then they began to creep towards the ponies on the path, all of whom were unaware of their presence.
Luckily, Breeze caught sight of the strange event from his aerial position.
"We've got trouble," he said into the walkie-talkie. "The trees around the princess and the others are up to no good."
"I'm on it," Watt's voice replied through the speaker. "The rest of you guys keep looking for Screwball."
The earth pony took off at breakneck speed, dashing towards the dancing plant tendrils more quickly than any earth pony should be capable. He didn't slow down as he reached the site; he simply dashed right on through, moving so quickly that the roots he passed over were cleaved cleanly in half. The injured tendrils sank morosely back into the ground, and since Watt had handled the problem before it even broke forth from the treeline, the ponies on the path had no idea anything had happened.
From her perch on the grand archway, Screwball pouted. That mean old earth pony had killed her little roots. The chaos pony shrugged it off and decided to whip up an old favorite instead; Discord's signature chocolate rainclouds. Licking her lips at the thought of the delicious and senseless weather pattern, she began to wave her hooves dramatically in the air, causing the fluffy pink clouds, laden with chocolate, to materialize and grow.
The conversation continued unhindered on the pathway by the gates.
"I understand that you are all upset," the princess said. "But that was never my intention; regardless of how things may have happened, I just wanted to become more friendly with you six. A large portion of my subjects still fear me; it's an unfortunate after effect of the Nightmare Moon incident. I just hoped that a group of ponies that represent friendship itself would be able to understand that I no longer mean any harm. But… everything went wrong, and now I'm afraid I've lost the trust of even the most forgiving ponies in this kingdom."
Above, Cloudcover caught sight of the armada of cotton candy clouds drifting lazily toward Luna. "Incoming inclement weather!" he announced into his radio. "Leave this one to me."
The pegasus swooped in and quickly rounded up the clouds, forcing them toward the back of the grounds and away from their target. Twilight and her friends, who were quite used to seeing pegasi round up clouds, had no idea anything out of the ordinary was going on.
Cloudcover pushed cloud after cloud back into the bundle he had created, but individual dollops of pink kept escaping, causing him to dart around constantly to keep the unruly clouds in check.
"Cloudcover," Watt called through his radio. "They're cotton candy clouds! If you can't control them, just start eating them!"
Surprised at Watt's sound advice, Cloudcover began to do just that.
Now Screwball was getting really ticked off. Why didn't these ponies want her to cause her beautiful chaos? It was time to cause an event so powerful, not even they could stop it!
The purple chaos pony planted all four hooves firmly on the stone. The tiny propeller on her beanie began to spin. Faster and faster it whirled, finally beginning to affect the air around it. A small whirlwind appeared over Screwball's head, rapidly escalating into a full-blown tornado.
Ditzy caught sight of the growing threat this time, and by extension, finally located Screwball. "Uh, guys," she mumbled. "We have a big problem above the doorway."
"I see it," Breeze said. "Watt and Cloudcover are still managing the roots and the clouds. You and I will have to take this one. I'll stop the tornado; you do something about Screwball."
Breeze beat his wings powerfully and flew straight into the tornado, much to the surprise of Screwball. Doing his best to fly against the powerful gusts, the strong pegasus began to slow the flow of the tornado.
"Stop," Screwball whined indignantly as she watched. But the pegasus didn't listen to her. She frowned as her raging whirlwind became little more than a few leaves and bits of debris spinning in place.
Screwball then observed another pegasus approaching; this time it was a grey one, and it was coming right at her.
To Ditzy's surprise, Screwball made no motion of resistance. She sat quietly, simply watching as Ditzy alighted on the stone next to her. The chaotic creature didn't look hostile at all; she just looked kind of sad.
Taking advantage of the momentary lapse in action, Ditzy glanced over to see how the princess was doing.
Luna waited silently as Twilight and her friends all exchanged glances. Finally, Twilight spoke up.
"Princess… don't be so hard on yourself," she said with a small smile. "Everypony makes mistakes, and I don't think it's right for any of us here to hold a grudge. I can tell you're sincere, so, in the spirit of friendship, I think we can call it all water under the bridge. Right guys?"
The other ponies smiled and nodded as well. "It wasn't very neighborly of us to be so accusin' either," Applejack said. "I guess we're all in the wrong, tonight."
"It wasn't a total loss!" Pinkie Pie pointed out. "After all, tonight might not have been pleasant, but it sure as sugar was a good icebreaker. I know I don't think of you as such a formal and aloof pony anymore!"
Luna smiled. "Perhaps you're right, Pinkie Pie." She looked at each of her friends in turn. "So… have you forgiven me?"
"Of course, princess," Twilight said with a giggle. "But let's just meet somewhere more casually in Ponyville next time."
Luna returned the giggle. "I would like that, Twilight Sparkle. I would like that very much."
Ditzy breathed a sigh of relief. At least that part of the night had gone well. Whether or not Luna was willing to give them any sort of reward, however, remained to be seen. Now, while her coworkers quelled the last of the chaos, Ditzy turned back to Screwball.
"You're… you're not trying to hurt anypony, are you?" she asked tentatively.
Screwball shook her head. "Just chaos!" she insisted, as if there was nothing wrong with that.
"Yes, I know you made the chaos," Ditzy said. "But not everypony wants there to be chaos all the time. It's fun once in a while, but sometimes, we like a little order too. I know that might be hard for you to understand."
Screwball did indeed look confused, but she nodded.
"So you'll stop causing troub-… I mean, stop making chaos tonight? We would all really appreciate it."
Ditzy's coworkers fluttered over (or, in Watt's case, scrambled up the sheer stone wall) to listen in on the encounter. Screwball glanced about curiously at all of them; she pondered Ditzy's words for a second, and then nodded, but she looked disappointed that her fun had to end.
"Actually," Ditzy said, coming to a sudden realization. "What about your friend Glow? I don't think she's had her share of chaos yet."
Screwball suddenly looked excited. After all, she had to reward the pony who had given her the chance to cause all this mayhem in the first place.
Ditzy turned to lead Screwball into the castle, but the chaos pony tapped her on the shoulder with a hoof.
The pegasus turned around. "What is it?"
Screwball grinned. "I like your eyes," she giggled.
Ditzy laughed, and her surrounding friends laughed with her. "Thanks!"she replied. "You know what? I like yours too. Now come on; let's go give a certain blue unicorn what's coming to her!"
Dinky Doo wasn’t sure what to feel. For one thing, she was kind of afraid of the unicorn standing only a few feet away, constantly barking threats and insults even while the magic held her down.
On the other hoof, she wasn’t listening to half of what the malicious mare said anyway, because she was too busy being proud and amazed at herself for suddenly being able to perform a true spell; she’d never even attempted such a thing before, and now here she was, locked in a paralyzing face-off with a unicorn with far greater age and experience.
But in that same vein came a large dollop of confusion. Why, exactly, was she able to do what she was doing right now, with no prior experience? Not only had she replicated her first spell, but she was able to use that knowledge to analyze Glow and produce a whole new spell.
Dinky wasn’t stupid; it was pretty obvious that this kind of thing didn’t happen to normal fillies.
What are you doing, wondering about that? Dinky mentally asked herself. At the moment, I think it’s a little more important that you be grateful it’s happening than worrying about why.
But as the minutes dragged onwards, the filly’s strength began to wane. She wasn’t used to the new and unique strains that the production of magic put on her body. She was tiring, and it was visible enough that Glow soon picked up on it.
“Hah!” the evil unicorn laughed. “Getting tired of holding me here? You can’t keep this up as long as I can, kid. And as soon as your magic gives out, I’m gonna-”
The sound of the doors bursting open once again startled both Dinky and Glow so much that both their spells collapsed so they could move again. Ditzy Doo charged into the kitchen, followed closely by the rest of the team from Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, and, to Glow’s surprise, Screwball.
Dinky immediately took advantage of the momentary lapse, and scrambled behind the protective wall formed by her mother and the rest of the team. Ditzy gave her daughter a quick, approving smile, before turning back to her nemesis.
“It’s over Glow,” Ditzy said. “Luna’s assignment is complete.”
Glow scowled, looking mainly not at Ditzy, but at Screwball. “What is wrong with you?” she asked the chaos pony. “You could have beaten them! Why didn’t you finish the job?”
Screwball shrugged, and pointed to Ditzy.
“She said no.”
Glow’s eye twitched involuntarily. “You… you stopped causing chaos… because they asked you to? What kind of evil henchman are you?”
Screwball blinked obliviously.
“Oh, Screwball isn’t done causing chaos for tonight,” Ditzy said slyly. “There’s still one pony here she wants to give a big thanks to.”
With a huge, and perfectly innocent and sincere grin, Screwball floated into the air and began to drift towards Glow. The unicorn gasped, backing up until she was pressed against the far wall. Quickly, she activated another magical shield.
“Haha!” she laughed. “Let’s see you get past that, you little weirdo.”
Glow’s demeanor changed pretty quickly when Screwball passed through the shield as if it wasn’t even there. The unicorn quivered as her assailant floated up right next to her. The chaos pony stopped, and glanced back at Ditzy, as if waiting for a cue.
“Go ahead!” Ditzy urged. “Just like we planned!”
Screwball giggled, and then tapped the cowering pony gently on the head.
A moment of silence followed. Glow opened one eye, and glanced around, but nothing seemed different. Tentatively, she looked up at Screwball.
“What did you do?”
Screwball took a small breath, blew a gentle breath over Glow’s head. The small breeze she produced demonstrated quite well what she had done to her victim; the unicorn’s entire mane floated off in the weak air current without any resistance.
“You detached my mane?!” The now bald Glow cried, whirling to face Screwball angrily even as the other shippers burst into laughter. She grabbed the floating pony, yanking her down to her level. “What is wrong with you? Put it back right now, you sick little traitor?”
“I THINK THERE IS MORE THAN ONE SICK LITTLE TRAITOR IN THIS ROOM.” Came a deafening voice.
Everypony turned to discover Princess Luna, who, having seen her friends off safely from the grounds, now trotted briskly through the kitchen doors, glaring angrily at the ponies that had nearly ruined her friendship with Twilight and company.
Glow yelped like a trapped animal and immediately teleported, accidentally taking Screwball with her.
“Shoot,” Breeze growled. “There she goes again.”
“Let her go,” Luna said. “She’d be a pretty stupid pony indeed to dare to come back here again after that. Besides, I’m sure that little creature of Discord’s will provide more punishment. The thing seems quite attached to her.”
Luna was quiet for a moment. All the ponies waited for her to continue.
“With that taken care of,” Luna said. “It is getting late; and I have my usual evening duties to attend to.” She turned to Ditzy and Breeze. “And I would like to see the two of you tomorrow morning, before normal working hours. We shall discuss compensation.”
Ditzy gasped. “You’re still going to reward us? After everything that happened?”
Luna gave a tiny smile. “I suppose everything worked out in the end,” she admitted. “Maybe not as well as I had hoped, but enough that I cannot let you go unrewarded. Like I said, come by in the early morning, and we will negotiate the proper payment.”
Luna turned and strode regally out of the room, leaving the four adults and the filly alone.
“Equestria Speedy Shipping Services has closed for the night,” Cloudcover pointed out. “Let’s just catch the late train back to Ponyville. Tomorrow, Watt and I will provide the mission details to Candyfloss, and the two of you can come back here for your meeting with Luna. Does that sound good?”
Everypony nodded. “Until tomorrow, then,” Breeze said. “I have a feeling it’s going to be an interesting day at work for all of us.”
Ditzy Doo was lost in thought. While her friends celebrated their victory on the train ride home, she sat quietly, thinking about everything that had happened. Dinky, whose bedtime had long since come and gone, leaned against her mother’s side, dozing peacefully. The filly was so worn out from all the excitement that she didn’t even wake up as Ditzy flew her home from the train station. Now, with the filly tucked in and sleeping peacefully, Ditzy wished she could do the same, but sleep came only in short, fitful spells. Too much was riding on her meeting with Luna the next morning; the mare hoped she would catch the princess in a generous mood.
At the crack of dawn, the sleepy pony climbed out of bed. She had no time to get breakfast, but that was fine; there was always some available at work. But first, she had a flight to and from Canterlot ahead of her. She brushed her mane, grabbed her saddlebags, and launched out the door.
A short while later, Ditzy sailed through the crisp air over Canterlot, approaching the gleaming spires of the castle. A red speck was visible in the air near Princess Luna’s tower; it seemed Breeze had gotten here even earlier than she had.
“Good morning,” said Breeze as his coworker joined him in the airspace near the tower. “So… are you ready?”
“I guess so,” said Ditzy, still hoping against hope that Luna would take pity on the situation she and Dinky were in.
The pegasi landed on the balcony, and Breeze rapped gently on the door. After a moment, it opened magically. Princess Luna sat within; she invited her visitors inside.
“Good morning princess,” Ditzy said as she and Breeze bowed. “How was your night?”
“It was very pleasant, thank you,” Luna responded. “I’m glad the two of you were able to make it at this early hour. But, as you know, the life of a princess can be busy, and after our meeting I shall be retiring to my bed until this evening.”
The princess stood up and stepped closer to her visitors. “Now then, I have decided to leave rewards open for you to decide. Each of you may make your request, and I shall grant it if I feel that your efforts were worth such a reward.”
Ditzy swallowed hard. The moment of truth had arrived. She had thought about this moment for hours, and now the time had come for her to act on her decision.
Breeze smiled. “Go ahead, Ditzy. You first.”
Ditzy nodded. “Alright, Princess Luna,” she began carefully. “I’ve decided what I want to ask you for.”
The Princess turned to her. “And that would be?”
Ditzy took a deep breath before continuing.
“I… I want you to allow my daughter Dinky to be reconsidered for enrollment in your sister’s magic academy.”
A few feet away, Breeze jumped in shock. “Ditzy!” he gasped. “What about your-”
“Hush, Breeze,” Ditzy said. “There’s no way Dinky can attend the academy if I don’t do this. It would make her so happy if she could go, and I… I can get by fine by myself. Even given the circumstances.”
Breeze tried incoherently to argue, but Ditzy raised a hoof to silence him.
“What do you say, Princess?” she asked.
Luna looked pensive. “It may be possible…” she mumbled. “But special considerations for enrollment at the academy are not my responsibility; such decisions are the delegation of my sister Celestia.”
“Did I hear my name?” asked a soothing voice from the doorway.
The three ponies turned to the large doors, beholding the great white alicorn that had appeared.
“Princess Celestia!” Ditzy and Breeze gasped, both falling to their knees respectfully as the elder princess entered the room.
“Hello, and welcome to Canterlot, my little ponies,” Celestia said benevolently, before turning her gaze back to her younger sister. “Now, Luna, did I hear you talking about me?”
“Yes,” Luna said. “It would seem my friend Ditzy Doo here has a daughter that has been rejected from the Academy for Gifted Unicorns. She wishes to see if there is any way the decision can be overturned.”
Celestia looked intrigued. “Why was she rejected?” she asked.
“It was because of her lack of experience, your majesty,” Ditzy said. “My little Dinky meets all the qualifications, except that of prior magical experience. You see, my late husband was the unicorn in our family. Being a pegasus, I was never able to teach Dinky the basics of magic most unicorns learn very early on. The letter I got from the dean of the Academy said that was unacceptable.”
Celestia nodded. “Well, I would have to say I agree; the curriculum at the Academy is very rigorous. A unicorn without prior experience simply wouldn’t be able to keep up.”
“But Dinky’s a quick study! She could manage, I know she could!” Ditzy argued. “Plus, she just used some magic last night… something that nopony taught her how to do!”
Princess Celestia suddenly looked intrigued, and listened as Ditzy described the effects of the spell Dinky had performed the night before. (Although, not going into detail on precisely why the spells had been performed and on whom.)
“Very interesting,” Celestia said finally. “Sudden magical powers beyond the expected skill level of the foal are not unheard-of, especially under instances of high stress. What is unusual is for the foal to be able to easily replicate the accidental casting, or to manage another spell through simple observation. But your filly appears to have done both.”
Ditzy scratched her head. “But… what does that mean?”
“I’m not completely sure,” Celestia said. “But it sounds to me like she may have a special talent for magic.”
“Like Twilight Sparkle?” Ditzy asked.
“No, not quite like Twilight,” Celestia said. “Twilight does indeed have an aptitude for magic, but hers stems from a great deal of study. As a filly, her magic was very unpredictable, as is the case for most ponies in their foalhood. What made Twilight stand out was the sheer magnitude of her power. Dinky, on the other hand, probably matches with most fillies in the strength of her magic… but seems to possess noticeably greater control over it than one would expect from a filly her age.”
“Then, given that circumstance…” Luna cut in. “…Perhaps we could agree to make an exception and allow this mare’s daughter into the Academy after all?”
Ditzy nodded hopefully. Celestia, however, frowned.
“As unusual as her case is, I still don’t think it would be prudent for her to attend the Academy before basic magical training. Unless we could find a way to give her a very accelerated tutoring course, so she could be prepared by the start of next term…”
Celestia’s eyes glinted as an idea crossed her mind. “Wait here,” she instructed. “I’ll be right back. And Luna, would you come with me?”
Luna nodded, and both princesses left the chamber, leaving Ditzy and Breeze alone.
“Are you sure about this?” Breeze asked uncomfortably. “You’re sacrificing your own well-being here.”
“I’ve lived on the verge of poverty before,” Ditzy said. “I’ll hardly even notice, as long as I don’t have to worry about Dinky dealing with it either. I knew there was no way I would be able to have her reconsidered for the Academy, unless I did this. I’ve been thinking about it all night; I know it’s the right decision.”
Breeze nodded slowly. He appeared to be pondering his teammate’s logic. Finally, he looked back to her and smiled.
“Well, I’m behind you then. I know that you know what’s best for you two.”
Hoofsteps signaled the return of Celestia and Luna. The princesses entered the room; Celestia was carrying a scroll with her magic.
“I just sent a letter to Twilight Sparkle,” she said. “And I received a response immediately. If, of course, this arrangement is alright with you, she has agreed to provide a highly accelerated training course for Dinky. If the filly keeps up and completes her training course by the time the next term begins, then Luna and I will overrule the dean’s decision and allow Dinky to attend the Academy.”
“Really?” Ditzy gasped. “Oh, thank you! I just know Dinky will be able to do it!”
“Don’t thank me,” Celestia laughed. “Thank Twilight for taking time out of her busy schedule. Although, she did seem excited to learn that there was another unusually adept unicorn living in Ponyville; I’m sure she’ll be just as happy to teach as Dinky is to learn.”
Celestia looked over her shoulder. “Well, I have to be going,” she said. “I’m supposed to be visiting Hoofington in a short while. Tell your daughter I said good luck!”
“I will!” Ditzy called as Celestia disappeared down the tower stairs. “And thanks again!”
She turned to Luna. “And thank you too, for supporting my side of the issue, Princess.”
Luna gave a profound nod. “Now,” she began. “That still leaves the matter of my other aide from yesterday.” She looked at Breeze expectantly.
Breeze cleared his throat. “Well, princess, I was actually having trouble making my decision; there are plenty of things in Equestria anypony would love to have, many of which I bet you could get for me without a second thought. I almost thought I wasn’t going to have decided when it came time for me to ask. But luckily, I figured it out; there is one thing you can do for me that I would really like.”
Breeze smiled as he continued. “So you see, my partner and friend Ditzy over here has a massive debt hanging over her head…”
It was Ditzy’s turn to jump in surprise. “Breeze!” she cried. “You don’t need to… I mean, this is about you! Don’t go asking for stuff for me!”
Breeze ignored her completely, and so Luna did the same. “This debt…” he continued. “It’s not really her fault. There were a lot of unforeseen circumstances and some very corrupt lawyers working against her. So, what I was wondering is… do you think you could have that debt erased?”
Ditzy tried to say something, but Breeze put a hoof on her snout to silence her. Luna’s horn glowed and, from thin air, she summoned forth the bill in question and read it aloud.
“By order of the Royal Court of Canterlot, this document hereby files a charge against Miss Ditzy Doo, pegasus pony of Ponyville, of one-million Equestrian bits, to be paid incrementally until the full amount of the charge is met, for damages caused to irreplaceable artifacts in the Manehattan branch of the Canterlot Royal Treasury.”
Luna lowered the paper. “I heard about this case. Personally, I thought the jury’s decision quite ludicrous. But, as Celestia and I do not normally preside over court cases, I left it as it was.” She looked down at Breeze. “This charge does not concern you, and its elimination will most certainly use up any reward I have offered. Are you sure this is what you want?”
Breeze nodded solemnly. “Absolutely, Princess.”
The princess tossed the paper to the ground and spat on it, and much to the surprise of the pegasi, this caused the bill to alight with magical blue flames. It was consumed in barely an instant; only ashes remained.
“All record of Ditzy Doo’s debt is null and void, by decree of the Kingdom of Canterlot,” said the princess. “Now that you have both been properly rewarded, I will retire to bed.”
“Yeah, we need to get going too,” Breeze said, smirking slightly as he glanced at Ditzy, whose mouth dangled open in shock as she tried to comprehend what Breeze had just done for her. “We’re gonna be late for work.”
He leapt into the air. “Meet you there, Ditzy!”
The red pegasus darted away, leaving the mares alone. Luna glanced at Ditzy.
“You have quite a loyal friend, there,” the princess said. And, with no further elaboration, she strolled lazily to her bed for the day. Ditzy gazed out at Canterlot, trying to process her feelings about what had just transpired. Finally, she slowly lifted herself into the air, and began the flight back to Ponyville.
Ditzy was, in fact, a few minutes late getting to work, but as usual, nopony noticed or cared. She trotted up the stairway to the lounge, and entered to find her coworkers chatting away, as if it was just a normal morning. Glow was absent, but that didn’t come as a surprise to anypony.
The mare trotted right up to Breeze, who turned and flashed his usual casual smile. It made Ditzy a bit frustrated that he was acting so nonchalantly about what had happened.
“Breeze,” she said finally. “I… don’t know what to say. Can you at least tell me why you-”
“There’s the pony of the hour!” Watt interrupted, having broken off his conversation with Cloudcover long enough to notice Ditzy’s arrival. “I mentioned to Pinkie Pie that you had beaten the company record, and she instructed me to throw you a party!”
The earth pony dashed to the corner of the room and removed the tarp from a sizeable object it had been covering; Pinkie Pie’s party cannon. He pulled the string, and with a loud boom, balloons, confetti, and decorations flew through the air and adorned the lounge.
“Let’s all celebrate Ditzy breaking the record for most successful assignments!” Watt called. “Bravo, Ditzy!”
“Bravo!” Breeze and Cloudcover echoed.
“Yes,” came another, much less mirthful voice. “Bravo, indeed.”
To everypony’s surprise, Cosmic Glow stepped into the room. Ditzy was shocked to discover her mane was back where it belonged… at least until she caught sight of the price tag dangling from the back. With a smirk, she realized the unicorn was wearing a wig. The pony looked much worse-for-wear then she had the previous evening; Screwball had probably given her plenty more ‘gifts’ before she’d managed to escape from her chaotic assistant.
“Glow,” said Breeze coldly. “I’ve got to say, I’m surprised you had the guts to show up today after last night.”
Glow shot Breeze a bored look. “Regardless of yesterday, I still work here, don’t I?”
Breeze laughed. “Not for long, I bet. You’d be pretty stupid if you don’t think Candyfloss knows what went down last night. He’s not going to be happy.”
Glow scoffed. “That old windbag is too soft to fire me over something like this,” she mused. “After all, I’m the best-” she stopped speaking, frowned deeply, and started again. “I mean second best shipper at this company.” She punctuated this sentence by glaring intensely in Ditzy’s direction.
“You think so?” asked Breeze. “I don’t know, Glow. I’m pretty sure Candyfloss doesn’t need you anyway. Ditzy’s been here half the time you have, and she’s already beaten you out.”
“Sticking up for little Ditzy again, huh?” Glow asked. “I suppose somepony has to; last night at the castle she demonstrated she’s still too soft to stick up for herself anyway. You, and her own daughter, had to stand up to me instead.”
Breeze was about to retort, when a familiar, quiet cough echoed from the doorway. Candyfloss had appeared, and as usual, it was impossible to tell how long he had been there, and how much of the recent argument he had heard.
“Boss,” Breeze said. “What’s up?”
“Quite a bit, actually,” Candyfloss said in his normal, calm tone. “I have a few bits of business to take care of today. First and foremost, I would like to borrow Ditzy for a moment; she needs to come to my office and sign a few documents concerning yesterday’s important assignment, and get her picture taken for the top employee board; I believe she has surpassed Cosmic Glow.”
Glow turned away so Candyfloss wouldn’t see her gritting her teeth furiously.
Candyfloss motioned for the pegasus to follow, and then turned and disappeared back down the stairs. Ditzy glanced at her companions, and then turned to follow, gently shutting the door behind her.
She hadn’t taken two steps down the narrow stairway when the argument behind the door started up again. She hesitated for a moment, listening.
“What is wrong with you?” Breeze growled. “I just can’t figure out why you hate Ditzy so much! Sure, now she’s beaten your record, and your attempts to stop her might cost you your job, but you’ve been like this since the day she first walked into this place!”
“It doesn’t matter what I think!” Glow shot back. “And why do you have to stick up for her in everything she does?” She paused briefly. “Oh, that’s right, I forgot,” she teased. “She’s your marefriend.”
“Glow, for the last time!” Breeze yelled in exasperation. “Ditzy is not my-”
The stallion stopped suddenly. From outside the door, Ditzy leaned closer, intrigued.
“Okay,” said Breeze finally. “You know what, Glow? You’re right. To be honest, I do like Ditzy. I like her a lot. I don’t think she knows that I feel that way, but that’s fine with me. She’s so friendly and approachable, and she’ll do anything to help and protect the ponies she cares about. I’ve never met anypony as sweet as she is. She’s the absolute, complete opposite of you, Glow.”
A few more seconds of silence passed.
“That… that’s why you hate her, isn’t it…” Breeze continued finally, his voice full of dawning comprehension. “Ditzy Doo is one of the most likeable ponies in all of Equestria, while you, by contrast, are a selfish, manipulating pain-in-the-flank. And you’re jealous of her!”
“That’s ridiculous!” Glow snapped. “Why would I be jealous of Ditzy Doo’s syrupy sweet dopiness?”
Breeze laughed sarcastically. “Why? You know perfectly well why, you dolt!” The stallion shook his head. “No, I guess I’m the dolt for not making the connection earlier. Of course you’re going to be jealous of any new pony who seems better than you.”
Glow attempted to respond, but Breeze continued. “Here’s a little news flash, Glow. It’s been more than a couple years now since I realized what you were really like. And Ditzy Doo or no Ditzy Doo… well, it doesn’t change the fact that I dumped you, because you’re a jerk, and I want nothing to do with you anymore!”
Outside the lounge, Ditzy jumped with such shock that she nearly fell down the steps.
Wait. Breeze and Glow were…?
Breeze stamped his hoof angrily. “How could I have been so stupid to not figure this out!” he yelled. “You hate Ditzy because I like her instead of you! The complaints about your shipping record provided you with a petty excuse, but that’s really not what it’s about at all! So you tried everything you could; you were extra mean to her, you made her upset about her job and her ideals… you even tried to drag her down to your level, probably just to make her less appealing to me! Glow, do you even know what kind of disaster you almost caused for poor Ditzy? The mare could have been in debt for the rest of her life!”
“Ditzy!” came Candyfloss’s voice faintly from his office. “What are you waiting for?”
In her moment of eavesdropping, Ditzy had almost entirely forgotten about her manager’s request. As quietly as possible, she snuck down the stairs to her boss’s office, careful not to alert the others that she had overheard anything. She slunk into Candyfloss’s inner sanctum, and sat down, her head swimming with the implications of what she had just overheard, and what was no doubt still going on a floor above.
“Alright,” said Candyfloss calmly, lifting his head out of the filing cabinet drawer. “I just need you to sign the… um… Ditzy, are you alright?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, fine…”
Absentmindedly, Ditzy scribbled her name onto the documents on which Candyfloss had requested her signature. She also produced a fake, cheesy smile for her photograph.
“Excellent,” said Candyfloss in a businesslike manner. “Congratulations, by the way. Now, please head back upstairs. I shall be up in a few moments; there’s more that we have to take care of today."
“Okay,” said the mare quietly, stumbling out into the hallway.
Ditzy tried to shake herself from the stupor as she plodded back up the stairs. The sound of arguing had now been replaced with a harsh silence. Trying not to let her distress show, she reentered the room.
“Candyfloss will be up in a minute”, she announced. “He said there’s more stuff to take care of today.”
Watt nodded enthusiastically. Everypony else seemed a little to tense to respond.
Luckily, the awkward silence that had befallen the lounge was quickly abated; within a minute or two, the sound of hooves echoed on the steps again.
Candyfloss entered the room, and glanced around at his employees.
“Good morning, everypony,” he said quietly. “If you don’t mind, I would like to have a brief meeting regarding the results of yesterday’s assignment with Princess Luna.”
A clipboard hovered into place in front of the stallion, and he briefly reviewed what he had written. “Now, as we are all aware, the assignment was a success, and I would like to commend you for a job well done. Success when working with royalty can only be a boon for our company’s reputation.”
Silence was the only response from the shippers, so Candyfloss decided to launch right on into the issue they clearly wanted to discuss.
“However, it has come to my attention that there was an incident last night that jeopardized that success,” he continued. “Apparently, due to some personal grudge the details of which I neither know, nor want to know, our own Cosmic Glow took it upon herself to try to ensure the assignment’s failure. Am I correct in this belief, or have I been misinformed?”
“You’re correct,” said Breeze sternly, turning to his unicorn coworker, who was avoiding her boss’s gaze.
“I see,” said Candyfloss, maintaining an almost indifferent air about the situation. “Now, Cosmic Glow, I hope you understand that this was a serious offence and caused me to place serious consideration into the removal of your position.”
Glow said nothing.
“But…”
Everypony was startled, and Glow thrilled, that there seemed to be a counterargument in Candyfloss’s mind. “But what?” Glow asked.
“I did not see it fit to immediately terminate you as a shipper, considering the great deal of service you have done for this company. The good outweighs the bad, as they say.”
“Exactly!” Glow agreed. “I’m far too valuable to get rid of! That’s what I told the others.”
“Now wait,” said Candyfloss. “Miss Glow, you did not allow me to finish.”
Glow shut up.
“You see,” Candyfloss continued. “This event was the most recent in a chain of unkind actions directed toward your fellow shippers,” he continued. “The way in which you treat the ponies around you has left me to wonder why you are such a successful shipper yourself; recently, I had begun to become worried that you were an exception to my theory of sincere shipping.”
“Ugh, that again?” Glow whined. “Boss, I know you really think about shipping on a very high level, but you need to open your eyes to the real world; it’s just as easy to bring two ponies together with deception as it is with sincerity. And honestly, the client never knows the difference, so what’s the harm?”
“Indeed, you had almost convinced me that I was wrong,” said Candyfloss very quietly. “The implications of that realization would have meant the implementation of an extensive reanalysis of the ethics of shipping.”
A small smile crept onto the stallion’s face. “But luckily, I found the loophole, so there’s no need for any of that.”
Glow snorted. “What loophole?”
“Last night, after I realized that you were planning to double cross us, I made a few calls to examine your past endeavors,” Candyfloss explained. “The results were… intriguing.”
“How so?” asked Glow skeptically.
“Well,” said Candyfloss. “It turns out a great deal of the ponies that you specifically have shipped in the past, have seen those new relationships fall apart catastrophically. Several dozen cases of this came to my attention last night. Some ponies were never meant to be together at all, but since you bypassed the sincerity rule and forced them together with your trickery, you created a match that was never meant to be after all. What’s worse, some matches that were valid fell apart because of the deceptive, unwholesome methods you used to bring them together. Such actions sowed the seeds of distrust that ultimately broke apart what could have been a happy relationship.”
Candyfloss shook his head sadly. “In short, while you have the highest initial success rate of anypony at this company, save for Ditzy, you have the lowest rate of creating a lasting relationship. Calls to ponies shipped by our other members revealed no such problem.”
Glow was stunned. She glanced around in panic at the surprised faces of her coworkers.
“Therefore!” Candyfloss announced. “Due to this recent information coming to light, it is quite apparent that you, Cosmic Glow, are simply too much of a detriment to the reputation we uphold at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services.”
With a flash of light, Glow’s contract appeared in front of Candyfloss, which he grasped in his front hooves and ripped cleanly in two.
“And so,” he said, still in his perfectly businesslike tone. “You are hereby denied the opportunity for further employment at this establishment.” He motioned to the door. “You are excused, miss Glow. Good day.”
There was complete silence. Glow’s mouth hung open for a moment in shock. Finally, with a furious growl, she turned and stormed out of the room, throwing the lounge door open so hard with her magic that it nearly broke off its hinges.
“Fine!” she cried as she stomped down the stairs. “I hate working here anyway! I can’t wait to see you namby-pambies let this stupid business collapse, because without me around, it sure as hay won’t be long!”
The unicorn’s voice faded as she reached the front office of the building, and there was a dull thud as the front door slammed. Cosmic Glow had left Equestria Speedy Shipping Services for the last time.
“Good riddance,” said Candyfloss, gently closing the lounge door with his magic.
Suddenly, a cheer broke out, quite startling the white unicorn. The other shippers whooped and jumped for joy, excluding Watt, who wasn’t particularly excited to see ‘Cosmo’ go. The earth pony agreed that the right decision had been made for the company, though.
“That leaves just one final matter we must discuss,” Candyfloss said once the cheering had died. “And that is the matter of you, Ditzy Doo. You may have forgotten this in all the excitement, but as of today, you have been working for us for one full year, and must decide if you wish to renew your contract. Given our recent loss of staff, we really would appreciate your staying. I believe my recent discoveries about Glow should alleviate any final concerns you had about the occupation.”
“Of course I’ll stay!” Ditzy said with a smile. “This is the best job I’ve ever had!”
“Wondeful,” said Candyfloss, returning the mare’s grateful grin. “I’ll leave you all to have your little party, then. Be ready for assignment as usual. Good day.”
Chuckling to himself, the enigmatic unicorn trotted from the room, tugging the door shut behind him.
“Well, it looks like that all worked itself out,” Cloudcover chuckled. “Glow is finally gone, Ditzy will be sticking around…”
“There’s still one thing,” Ditzy interrupted.
The three stallions looked at their coworker. “What? Is something wrong?” Cloudcover asked.
“Kind of…” said Ditzy, glancing at the floor. “I, um… need to talk to Breeze about something.”
Breeze’s ears perked up. “What’s up?” he asked. “Are you still going on about this morning at the castle?”
“No, it’s not that,” Ditzy said, still shamefully avoiding Breeze’s gaze. “I, uh… kind of accidentally overheard some… some stuff. Stuff that you said to Glow, while I went downstairs.”
Breeze’s irremovably casual expression finally vanished, replaced in an instant by one of shock and embarrassment. “Oh! Oh, um, that… was, uhh…”
The stallion was at a loss for words. Cloudcover sucked in his breath nervously. Watt seemed to have suddenly become very interested in his own shadow, poorly attempting to fake obliviousness to the situation.
“So, you dated Glow a long time ago, huh?” Ditzy asked quietly. “I guess that makes her actions a little more understandable. I’ve never known a pony to act like she did over something as trivial as a company record. But… I guess once you throw a messy breakup into the works…”
“I’m sorry!” Breeze blurted suddenly. “I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed that I was stupid enough to ever date somepony as awful as her! But if I’d realized sooner that the real reason she hated you so much was because she saw you as… ugh, I hate to say it… as competition for my affections, I swear I would have let you know right away!”
“Okay, calm down!” Ditzy urged. “I know you would have! You’re too good of a friend to let something like that happen intentionally. The only one at fault here is Glow.”
Breeze blinked in surprise. “Wait… you’re not mad?”
“Of course not,” Ditzy said. “I’m kind of glad that I know about this now, actually. It makes Glow a little easier to understand.”
The mare smirked. “Of course, that doesn’t change the fact that she’s a royal pain in the flank.”
Breeze laughed. “You’re right about that!”
The two ponies giggled for a moment longer, but soon Ditzy turned serious once again.
“Speaking of relationships,” she said carefully. “I, uh, couldn’t help but overhear something else interesting during that argument…”
“Boy,” said Watt in a loud and distracting manner. “Did you ever notice how good your shadow is at copying you? I mean, this thing would make a great mime!”
“Shut up Watt, you’re not helping things,” Cloudcover grumbled.
Watt frowned. “Fine, see how long you all last without my comic relief…” the earth pony hissed back.
Ditzy and Breeze seemed oblivious to the hushed argument of their coworkers, which was probably a good thing.
“So, uh…” Breeze stammered. “I guess that cat’s out of the bag.” He coughed awkwardly, pawing nervously at the floor. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell you, since, you know… I mean, after you lost your husband, I wasn’t sure if you were looking for somepony new or not. And then yesterday, when I found out the story behind how you lost him, it made me even less sure. Plus, after I finally realized that Glow was just manipulating me, I’ve been hesitant to start dating again; I didn’t want to repeat that disaster…”
Breeze seemed to realize what he had just said and waved his front hooves defensively. “Not that you’ve given me any reason to think going out with you would be a disaster, of course! I mean, you’re… you’re absolutely the opposite of her!”
He laughed nervously. “It’s kind of ironic, when you think about it,” he sighed. “We all start new relationships for other ponies every day, but I manage to botch it up when I try to start a new one myself…”
“Breeze, you aren’t botching anything up,” Ditzy said. “Stop and think for a second: who was the pony who helped me get acclimated when I accidentally wound up at this company? Who was the pony that was there for me when I was dealing with the problems Glow created for me? Who talked me into finally telling Dinky about this job, and was kind enough to play along until I was ready? And most importantly, who gave up his reward selflessly to save me from a lifetime of debt just this morning?”
She smiled. “If you like me, those all seem like pretty good ways to express it.”
Breeze chuckled nervously again. “Yeah, about that… this morning, I realized that, sure, there are plenty of material things I’d love to have. But it occurred to me that right now, the one thing that makes me happiest is seeing you happy. I mean, you’ve had it so hard for years, and you’ve gritted your teeth and pressed on every time. And I just couldn’t bear to see you have to do that again.”
He frowned again, breaking eye contact and staring at the floor. “…And I still want you to be happy. So, if you’re not interested, or something, please, just forget what happened. We’ll just be friends.”
Ditzy smiled disbelievingly. “You really are the most selfless pony I’ve ever met,” she said.
“Me?” said Breeze. “What about you?”
“Yes, yes, you’re both very selfless,” Cloudcover said. “Now, pardon me for asking, but… is this whole conversation going anywhere or not?”
All eyes turned to Ditzy. The mare giggled bashfully.
“Well, listen, Breeze,” she began. “Do you know why I like having a job like this one, or why I liked being a mailmare before this? It’s because I get to meet and interact with so many different ponies every day. Some are different than others; there’s friendly ones and stern ones and mean ones and even some really goofy ones. But I love working with them because when I go home… all I have is Dinky. I’ve got no family left and not many friends outside of you all. And truth be told… it gets lonely. Work is a great way to relieve that… but it would be really nice to have somepony to spend time with more regularly again. Somepony who really understands me and likes me for who I am.”
Breeze’s eyes widened. “Does that mean…?”
Ditzy laughed at her friend’s sudden awkward state. “If I have to be so blunt about it, then yes, of course I’ll date you, you silly!”
Ditzy giggled as the stallion collapsed on the floor, relieved. Cloudcover and Watt had a round of hip-hip-hoorays for the new lovebirds.
“Why don’t you come over again tonight?” Ditzy asked. “In fact, why don’t you all come over; we can have a party.”
“Great idea!” Watt agreed. “It can be a Ditzy and Breeze are now marefriend and coltfriend/Glow is gone for good/Ditzy’s not in debt anymore/Dinky got accepted into the Academy kind of party! Pinkie Pie loves combo parties! I’ll have her bring the Doozy Party Cannon and everything, and there can be games and food and dancing and fireworks and-”
The three stallions and the mare continued their celebratory plans for that night, unaware of the mysterious old unicorn listening from just outside the door; he had been standing there since he left the company of his employees several minutes earlier.
Grinning somewhat smugly, the stallion crept quietly down the stairs and back into his office. Shutting the door with a burst of magic, he sat down at his desk and extracted a tiny, gold key from his personal belongings. Using this key, he unlocked a small drawer in the desk and extracted a tiny, dusty book.
Candyfloss brushed the debris of the unmarked cover of the battered old tome, before opening it to the next available blank page. Lifting a quill in his magic’s aura, he hesitated pensively for a few seconds, and then began to write.
Entry #204
Why did I ever doubt myself? Things always work out in the end.
This success spans a full year, perhaps the longest any one job has taken. I admit at times, it was not clear what my matchmaking magic was trying to accomplish. I was concerned that I had lost my touch; that it was too dangerous for me to continue acting upon the urges of this unusual magic.
The first event that I can contribute to this pairing was when I set out to fulfill one of the many random whims that my special magic dictated I perform. It was a simple task that afternoon; switch a sign pointing to Canterlot so it faced the other direction. I assumed this action would lead to some lovesick pony stumbling into the wrong town, and by extension, meeting the mare of his dreams. Such events are common results of my work. But this time, I was wrong.
Imagine, discovering the next day, that this seemingly harmless action had caused a desperate mare, dangling on the edge of employment, to lose her way when delivering an important message. Her tardiness cost her her job.
I was dumbstruck. How could my matchmaking magic, usually so benign or even beneficial, allow such a horrible thing to happen? I seriously considered never listening to the premonitions brought on by my own special talent again.
So when, by some serendipitous turn of events, the very mare whose life I had inadvertently ruined showed up seeking employment at this very establishment, I jumped at the chance to give her a job and correct my error.
This mare is my new star employee, the pegasus Ditzy Doo. Over the course of this past year, her life has become filled with new adventures and experiences as a member of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. But I still wasn’t convinced that my actions had been harmless, nor could I find evidence of a successful match made as a result of them.
My powers were dormant for a long time. I began to become convinced that the realization that my skills may not have been perfect had led to them being extinguished. But finally, they sprang to life again, last night. This time, they urged me to send Ditzy Doo’s daughter along to Canterlot. I was left to assume that this was necessary to help with the successful shipping of Princess Luna, and indeed it was… but by extension, it proved to be the final step in bringing together another pair.
Now, two of my employees, Ditzy Doo, the struggling widowed mare looking for a companion, and Autumn Breeze, the stallion disenchanted with the idea of love as a result of an earlier relationship gone sour, have found a new partner in one another. This was the pairing that my magic had caused me to set out to make on that fateful day over a year ago; it just took a very long time to make itself apparent.
Love is a mysterious thing. Every time I’ve convinced myself I finally have grown wise to all its tricks, it throws a new tactic my way that I never could have expected. And once again, I must consider myself extremely humbled to be able to channel its forces, and make the decisions that allow it to spread more fully among the citizens of this fair land.
Congratulations, Ditzy Doo and Autumn Breeze. I wish you both the best in the future. Also, I must consider this my latest successful mission.
Dinky Doo scurried around her bedroom, performing one final scan to make sure all of the necessary belongings were packed into her suitcases. In what was now an effortless action, she tore open the drawers of her bureau with a brief spark of magic. Glancing inside and seeing nothing of importance, she shut them again. Not wanting to be late, she lifted all her bags simultaneously, and ran out of her room with her belongings floating around her like a dense cloud.
“There you are, Dinky,” Ditzy said when her filly finally appeared. “Come on, the cart is waiting outside. You need to get to the train station on time or you’re going to be late getting to the Academy.”
“I know,” Dinky panted, absentmindedly shutting the door behind her with a flicker of magic. “But I’m ready now. Is anypony coming along?”
“Of course,” Ditzy said. “Breeze is coming with us to the train station, and I think Twilight Sparkle is coming along too, if she can spare the time. Now let’s go!”
The mare trotted outside into the early morning sunlight, followed by her filly and the suspended cloud of luggage. Luckily, the aforementioned red pegasus and purple unicorn were just arriving.
“Hello, Ditzy!” Twilight greeted. “Today’s the day, huh? I had my doubts that I’d be able to put a filly through basic magic training in such a short time, but Dinky finished with time to spare! I haven’t seen a filly so fit for Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns since… well, me!”
Ditzy and Twilight laughed. Breeze trotted over to the filly.
“Need any help loading that stuff into the cart?” he asked her.
Dinky responded by catapulting the luggage into the vehicle, where it all landed, perfectly neat and organized.
“Nope! But thanks for asking, Mr. Breeze!”
Breeze chuckled. “No problem, kiddo.”
The time had come to set off for Ponyville train station. Ditzy and Breeze pulled the large cart along while Twilight, Dinky, and the mountain of baggage rode in the back.
“So Dinky,” Twilight began. “Are you excited? You’re about to go to the greatest Academy of Magic in all of Equestria!”
Dinky squeaked with delight. “Of course! It’s gonna’ be so much fun!” The filly’s smile shrank slightly. “But… you think I can do it, right Miss Twilight?”
“Of course,” Twilight said sincerely. “I haven’t seen a pony with your talent in a long, long time. Just study hard, and practice, and you’ll do just fine.”
Dinky blushed. “Thanks, Miss Twilight.”
The trip seemed to take no time at all; soon, the four ponies arrived at the train station, which was packed with eager unicorn fillies and colts and their proud parents.
“Well, we made it,” Ditzy said. “The train’s leaving in a few minutes.”
Dinky collected her bags, and looked at the train. Suddenly, she dropped all her possessions and turned around, wrapping her forelegs around her mother in a big, tight hug.
Ditzy patted her daughter on the back, fighting back a couple of happy tears. “Don’t worry, Dinky. I’ll see you this weekend, remember?”
“I know that,” Dinky said, her voice muffled slightly by the fact that her face was buried in her mother’s coat. “I just… I can’t thank you enough, mommy, for giving me this chance. I promise I’ll do my best.”
“I know you will,” Ditzy whispered back. “You’re a smart filly; you’re going to blow them all away up there.”
Dinky broke the hug, kissed her mother gently on the cheek, and then trotted over to Breeze. “I’ll see you soon too, Mr. Breeze,” she said sweetly. “Take good care of mommy while I’m gone, okay?”
“And Miss Twilight,” she continued. “I’ll be sure to show you everything I’ve learned next time I see you.”
Twilight smiled warmly. “Looking forward to it. And remember, you can always come visit me if you want some extra practice.”
Dinky nodded. “Thanks so much, all of you.”
“It’s nothing, Dinky,” Ditzy said. “Now go on. Remember to be safe and have a good time.”
Dinky picked up her bags and turned to board the train.
“Hey! Dinky! Wait!”
A brown and white earth colt tore through the train station, catching up to the young unicorn just in time.
“Pipsqueak!” Dinky squealed happily. “I didn’t think you were going to make it!”
“I ran all the way here,” Pipsqueak said breathlessly. “Since you’re not gonna’ be at school anymore, I just had to come and say goodbye.”
Dinky hugged her friend. “You’re the sweetest, Pip. I’ll see you next weekend, okay?”
“Yeah,” Pipsqueak said. “Have a good time. And if you see Princess Luna, say hi to her for me!”
“I’ll do that,” Dinky said. “So long, Pip.”
The filly took a deep breath, and stepped up into the train car.
“Anypony else?” the conductor called. “Last call for the train to Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns!”
Dinky leaned out the window and waved at her mother and friends. Ditzy waved back, stopping occasionally to wipe away her happy tears with a hoof. A moment later, the whistle blew and the train began to move.
“Good luck, Dinky!” the mare called one final time. “We’re all rooting for you!”
Dinky waved out the window for a few seconds longer before the train disappeared from the station and began to make its way into the mountains.
Sighing, Ditzy placed her head on Breeze’s shoulder. “You think Dinky will be okay up there by herself?” she asked her coltfriend quietly.
“Okay?!” Breeze asked incredulously. “Ditzy, this is the same filly who fought off Glow without an ounce of prior magic experience. Now that she knows what she’s doing, there’s just about nothing she can’t handle.”
“I guess you’re right,” Ditzy admitted. “But it’s only natural for me to be worried, you know?”
“Yeah,” said Breeze. “That’s just ‘cause you’re such a good mom.”
“Oh, stop flattering me,” Ditzy chided.
Breeze gave his marefriend a quick kiss. “Who’s flattering?” he asked innocently.
Ditzy just laughed and shook her head.
The trail of smoke from the receding train vanished, and with it, most of the ponies on the station platform. Only a few remained.
“Come on,” said Breeze. “Let’s get going. Don’t forget, we’re meeting Watt and Pinkie Pie for a double lunch date later.”
“Oh yeah,” Ditzy remembered, spreading her wings to take off with the other pegasus. “Let’s hope we don’t wind up in any parallel dimensions this time.”
“I still wish I had been there for that.”
Laughing, the happy couple ascended into the morning sky.
Welcome to the “Shipping and Handling” Bonus Chapters! Please remember that these were written as bonus content for a reason. Skipping them entirely will not harm the overall effect of the story for you. These chapters contain extra content that builds upon a few loose ends from the main story. It’s nonessential stuff; if you don’t like the topic of any one of these chapters, just skip it! These are just for fun anyway.
So if you’re sticking around to read anyway, then enjoy! There will be six of these chapters total, one featuring each of the six shipper characters.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cosmic Glow in: That’s Karma for you!
The sun peeked over the horizon. The alarm clock on the bedside table began to ring. The grumpy blue unicorn moaned and staggered out of her bed.
It was an average morning in Ponyville, but a particularly awful one for Cosmic Glow. For one thing, it was the beginning of the unfriendly unicorn’s first day of unemployment. Dethroned from her high and mighty position as top shipper at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, she would now have to begin searching for a new job to attempt to quickly become the best at.
Glow’s irritability was compounded by the presence of an incessant noise that had kept her awake the previous evening; it sounded like somepony was working diligently on a construction project. The sounds of hammers and saws had tormented her all through the night.
“What kind of complete lunatic would be building a house in the middle of the night?” the unicorn grumbled to herself as she brushed her wig and placed it on her head. “Seriously, doesn’t anypony in this town have any respect for their neighbors?”
Glow proceeded to her front door, fighting back another yawn as she prepared to go out shopping in Ponyville. Flinging the door open with her magic, she took one step forward…
…and promptly plummeted twenty feet to the ground.
The unicorn lay on the dirt for a few moments, dazed and completely baffled to what had happened. As her vision came back into focus, a ridiculous spectacle appeared before her.
Strangely, she wasn’t in Ponyville at all. In front of her was a particularly familiar cave; one she had visited only two days prior. Above the cavern’s wide maw was her house; apparently, it had been completely taken apart, and rebuilt upside-down (with the interior somehow remaining right-side up), and then fastened to the rock face over the cave’s entrance.
Glow’s face clenched into a snarl. Only one pony could possibly be responsible for something so bizarre. That is, if the culprit could indeed be called a pony at all.
“Screwball!!” she screamed.
On cue, the perky little chaos pony poked her head out of the cavern where she lived. She smiled broadly upon seeing Glow.
The disgruntled unicorn stomped up to Screwball, staring right into her whirling eyes.
“And just how do you explain this, you demented buffoon?”
Screwball looked up at the suspended house, then back at Glow. “Neighbors!” she squeaked happily.
“No,” said Glow. “I already told you, we’re done. You failed to help me. I hate you. And more importantly, how in Equestria did you manage to deconstruct and then rebuild my house without destroying the interior?”
Screwball tapped a hoof to her chin in thought. “Neighbors,” she repeated in a very matter-of-fact tone, as if this somehow answered the question.
“Listen, you,” Glow growled. “Take my house, and put it back where it belongs. And then leave me alone!”
Screwball proceeded to pluck up a bug inching along the ground with her teeth, much in the style of a bird. She chewed thoughtfully, glancing again at Glow’s house as it loomed over the cavern.
“Now!” yelled Glow impatiently.
“All sales are final,” Screwball answered.
Enraged, Glow whirled and aimed a buck right at the chaos pony’s face. Her hooves connected with their target, and, interestingly, Screwball’s entire head sort of imploded into her neck, creating a sound akin to a squeaky chew-toy rather than the expected cracking of skull. A few seconds later, it popped right back out and assumed its normal position; Screwball was, of course, more-or-less invincible.
Glow stood, wondering what to do next. There really was only one thing she could do; ask Discord how to rid herself of the little purple nightmare he had allowed her to borrow. Without another word to the creature continuing to innocently antagonize her, Glow turned and began the long trot down the mountainside to Canterlot castle gardens.
“Good day, my little pony!” the god of chaos’s voice echoed in the unicorn’s head as she placed her hoof on the statue. “I believe you are the same mare who came asking for my aid a few days ago. How did Screwball work out for you?”
“She did what I told her to… for the most part,” Glow responded. “But it wasn’t enough to actually ruin the event. That’s not the point here; what I really need is for you to tell me how to let her know I don’t need her anymore. I’m finished with her help, but she won’t stop following me around.”
Discord’s silky laugh bounced around in Glow’s skull. “Ah yes, that was one detail I forgot to mention,” he said almost tauntingly. “You see, you gave my darling Screwball a chance to cause all sorts of chaos. I doubt she’s been so happy since before I was imprisoned. And so, with that in mind, I think it’s safe to assume that little Screwball, has, shall we say, imprinted on you as her new best friend… or maybe foster-parent is a better word. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Glow’s face became horrified as the statue chuckled with mirth.
“I hope you have a high tolerance for chaos,” he continued, “because Screwball will never, ever leave you alone for more than a few hours. And it’s no use trying to kill her, or even hope to outlive her; little Screwball’s made of tougher stuff than you normal ponies. The Elements of Harmony could probably destroy her, but good luck convincing them to use their powers to end another’s life; Fluttershy alone would gladly die herself rather than take the life of another pony, even if the other elements agreed.”
“Wait… you planned this whole thing!” Glow realized. “Not only would you get to spread around a little chaos, via Screwball, but you’d also get to mess up the life of the pony who helped you do it!”
“Now you’re catching on!” Discord continued gleefully. “I knew you weren’t completely stupid! Just stupid enough to fall into my trap, of course!”
“You… you’re completely insane!” Glow declared. “You’d put me in this position just for the fun of it?”
“Whoever said this was just for fun?” Discord asked, his voice full of mock offence. “I’m just being a good parent, trying to make my little creation happy. And the way to make her the happiest is to find somepony for her to drive mad!”
The imprisoned creature cackled again. “Hopefully you enjoy playing with my little darling; I know she’s going to love playing with you… for the rest of your life…”
The statue chuckled darkly, and the presence receded from Glow’s mind. Stunned, the unicorn turned to Screwball, who continued to hover nearby, gazing up at the statue longingly.
“Listen, you little freak of nature,” Glow said icily. “I don’t care what your old man says; there’s no way I’m letting you follow me around forever.”
Screwball stared uncomprehendingly. “Tea and Crumpets?” she asked suddenly, offering the unicorn a platter that contained neither tea nor crumpets, but instead a single large grapefruit.
Glow stared at her opponent for several seconds. “You can’t continue to bug me if you can’t find me,” she grumbled. “I’m out of here. Don’t try to follow.”
Glow teleported away suddenly, confident that she would lose Screwball for good. The bizarre pony, now sucking happily on the large fruit, lifted into the air with the help of her propeller beanie and floated off to relocate her new companion-for-life.
Glow spent the next several days traveling around Equestria, but it quickly became apparent that there was nowhere to run; Screwball cornered her at every turn. The senseless creature was everywhere; in one town, she oozed out of a drainage pipe in the pond next to which Glow was enjoying lunch. In the next town, she stepped out of a painting in a museum as if it were a simple doorway. One strange morning, Screwball fell out of the unicorn’s wig as she lifted it over her head, resulting in the poor unicorn being pinned to the floor by her ridiculous companion’s weight. Glow was left with no choice but to pry herself free and teleport yet again.
The days continued to pass, and the mare was quickly run ragged by the incessant visits from her bizarre stalker. Finally giving up hope, she returned to Ponyville.
One fine afternoon, the ponies in town looked on awkwardly as the seemingly cursed unicorn trudged gloomily through the streets, being followed by a tiny cotton candy cloud that poured chocolate rain over her. It was one of Screwball’s creations, or course, modeled after a favorite trick of Discord’s, but the unicorn much preferred it to the presence of the actual chaotic mare who, at the moment, had disappeared for a few glorious minutes.
However, while Screwball herself was mercifully absent, the candy downpour attracted another unwanted visitor.
Glow jumped at the sound of an absolutely tremendous gasp coming from behind her. She turned to face a bright pink earth pony, whose mouth dangled open in shock as she stared at the cloud hovering over Glow’s head.
“Oooh!” The pink pony squealed. “Where’d you get that cloud!? I haven’t seen one since Discord was banished!”
Glow sighed. Screwball was finally missing, and now she had to deal with another of her least favorite ponies instead: Watt’s hyperactive marefriend, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie bounced in merry circles around the dour unicorn. “Can I have that cloud? Please? Pretty please? I’ve been looking everywhere for one!”
“Believe me, if you could get the thing away from me, that would be great,” Glow mumbled. “But the stupid thing only wants to follow me.”
“I can fix that!” Pinkie announced. The mare crouched down, waggling her hindquarters in the air like a cat ready to pounce. Suddenly, she sprang into the air, leaping right over Glow and swallowing the cloud in one gigantic mouthful.
“Aw, come on, Pinkie!” called another familiar voice from nearby. “You couldn’t save any for me?”
To Glow’s dismay, Watt himself appeared from a nearby street. He frowned as Pinkie smiled apologetically, before he turned to his ex-coworker.
“Well, hey Cosmo!” he announced gleefully. “I haven’t seen you in a whole week! That’s gotta be a record or something!”
“Well, yes, Watt,” said Glow sarcastically. “That can happen when one gets fired from her job.”
“Yeah, the place hasn’t been the same without you,” Watt commented.
Glow’s mood lifted slightly. “Really? I suppose any place that loses a pony with my kind of charisma would definitely feel different afterwards.”
“Yep, it’s different alright,” Watt continued. “I haven’t seen all the others so cheerful in a long time!”
Glow’s small, self-important smile was instantly replaced with her usual scowl.
“Ooh, so this is your friend, Watt?” Pinkie asked curiously.
“Yep!” said Watt proudly. “This is the unicorn from work I told you so much about. We had all kinds of fantastic adventures together.”
Glow raised an eyebrow. “I don’t recall any adventures,” she said irately. “All I remember is your endless chatter, which is one thing I really don’t mind hearing less of.”
“Ooh, she’s grumpy!” said Pinkie with a giggle. “Why are you such a grumpy-grump grumpy pants, Cosmo?”
“It’s none of your business,” Glow replied. “And my name is Glow. Don’t listen to Watt if he says otherwise.”
Watt stepped over to Glow and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Are you still upset about losing your job?” he asked her. “Maybe Pinkie and I can help you find a new one or something!”
“It’s got nothing to do with that,” Glow said. “Just leave me alone, okay? I’d like a few moments of peace before she comes back?”
“Before who comes back?” Watt asked.
Glow groaned. “If I tell you, will you two go away?”
“Maaaybe,” Pinkie sang.
Glow hung her head in defeat. “It’s that awful chaos pony, Screwball!” she suddenly cried. “You know, the one I hired to try to make Ditzy fail that assignment.”
“Oh, her,” said Watt, remembering the rather interesting events of the previous week. “What’s wrong? Did she do something to you? I mean, besides remove your mane?”
Glow blushed. “She… she just won’t leave me alone, that’s all,” she explained, holding her wig more tightly against her head. “She follows me everywhere. No matter where in Equestria I go, she always finds me. I can’t lock her up, I can’t hide from her… I can’t even hurt her! She’s just an invincible and infallible agent of chaos, who has decided to make me the target of her stupidity for the rest of my life!”
Watt bit his lip. “Where did you find her in the first place, anyway?”
“I borrowed her from Discord,” Glow admitted. “I figured he’d want me to help him spread chaos, so it seemed like a win-win situation… but he ended up betraying me.”
Watt and Pinkie exchanged a glance. Both of them grinned.
“What are you two smiling about?” Glow growled.
“Not to be rude, but you should have expected that,” Watt said, as Pinkie giggled in agreement. “I mean, you did kind of try to ruin Ditzy’s life. But karma came back to bite you, and now you’re the one who’s life is getting ruined. Thus, the balance of the universe is restored.”
Glow scowled. “Oh, thanks Watt. That makes me feel so much better. Unfortunately, realizing that this was a bad idea will not make Screwball go away.”
“Now hold on,” Watt said. “Maybe Pinkie and I can help you out a little. Even a pony like you doesn’t deserve to be miserable once she’s learned her lesson.”
“And how exactly do you intend to help me?” Glow asked irascibly.
Again, Pinkie and Watt exchanged a knowing glance.
“Watt, you know what it’s time for now?” Pinkie asked her coltfriend.
Watt grinned. “Time to sum up the situation by singing a random song out of nowhere?”
“Exactly!” Pinkie squealed delightedly as the very air around the ponies was suddenly filled with a bubbly, upbeat tune. Startled, Glow looked all around the plaza, as if expecting to see some device playing the music.
“How are you doing that?” she asked nervously.
Pinkie failed to respond and instead began to add the lyrics to her impromptu musical number.
When this unicorn upstart-y
Tried to ruin Luna’s party
She thought she was quite a smarty
Spreading chaos without shame.
But despite the fact she cheated
Her rival was not defeated
And now she’s being mistreated
Since that Screwball pony came.
“Go ahead Watt, you sing a verse!” Pinkie urged. Watt, unlike Glow, did not seem to find the sudden musical an unusual occurrence, and he picked up where Pinkie left off.
Cosmo doesn’t know what to do
Wherever she goes, Screwball goes too
Fate wants to make sure she pays
But she’s seen the error of her ways.
To rid herself of that little whelp
She must accept a little help
Can she push her pride away
And give in and say okay?
…Or will she just tell us to get lost?
Glow opened her mouth to very forcefully tell Watt that she did in fact want him and Pinkie to get lost, but Pinkie cut her off with yet another verse.
Though your heart seems teeny-weeny
And you’re clearly a big meanie
To ditch that pony with a beanie
You’ll need help from Watt and me.
Since your situation’s dire
Perhaps this song will inspire
You to swallow all that ire
And just ask us politely!
The music stopped as abruptly as it had began, leaving Glow to gape disbelievingly at the two smiling ponies in front of her, both awaiting her response. She gave an overdramatic sigh.
“Fine. Anything’s got to be better than spending the rest of my life with Screwball,” she admitted. “Will you two help?”
“What’s the magic word?” Pinkie sang.
Glow crinkled her nose, glaring at Pinkie.
“Will you two help me please?” she said acidly.
“Of course!” Watt and Pinkie agreed in unison.
“But you still need to work on that delivery,” Pinkie added, wagging her hoof at Glow accusingly. “I wouldn’t call that friendly; it was more like forced politeness oozing with sarcasm and self-loathing at the fact that you had to stoop to such a level. You pushed back your pride long enough to say please, which is good enough for my purposes, but still.”
Glow didn’t know how to respond to that. She gritted her teeth and prevented herself from outright attacking Pinkie.
“What do you two have in mind?” she asked, changing the subject. “Like I said before, there’s no way to destroy Screwball, and there’s no way to escape her. There’s no location in Equestria secluded enough that is beyond her reach.”
Watt nodded. “That’s true, Cosmo. But what if we send Screwball out of Equestria?”
“And how in Celestia’s name are you going to do that?” the unicorn scoffed.
“Oh, that’s the easy part,” Pinkie cut in. “The hard part is going to be getting Screwball to do what we want her to. Just cooperate with our instructions, and everything will turn out okey-dokey-lokey!”
Pinkie turned to Watt and nodded resolutely. “I’ll go get things ready,” she said cryptically. “While I’m doing that, you stay here with Glow and make sure Screwball sticks around.”
“Can do!” Watt called, watching his marefriend hop merrily off.
Glow shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m going along with this,” she grumbled.
“Aw, don’t worry about it, Cosmo,” Watt said. “Don’t you trust Pinkie and I?”
“No. No I don’t.” Glow deadpanned.
Watt shook his head. “Do you trust anypony, Cosmo?”
“Not really,” the unicorn responded indifferently. “I have to look out for myself. There’s been too many times in my life that I’ve relied on somepony for something, and it ended badly. Relying on other ponies for help only gets you betrayed, or throws you into deeper trouble. Or in some cases, you find yourself counting on an unlikely solution to an impossible problem promised to you by a pair of blithering idiots.”
“Well, lucky for you you’ve got two reliable ponies like Pinkie and I helping you out today!” Watt announced, completely missing the hidden meaning of Glow’s last phrase. “But maybe you should ease up a bit. I mean, I know you’re just kidding, but some ponies actually do think you’re a big jerk.”
“I am not kidding!” Glow hissed, pressing her nose up against Watt’s. “I can’t stand you. Why can’t you grasp that concept?”
Watt chuckled. “Oh please, Cosmo,” he said, rolling his eyes, “you and I have hung out for waaaaay too long for you to convince me that you don’t like me. I mean, why would you have put up with me for all these years if we weren’t best pals?”
“You haven’t given me much of a choice, have you?” Glow mumbled as she started to walk toward the plaza.
Watt seemed not to hear her. “You know,” he continued idly, “what you did last week was kind of harsh though, even for you.”
Glow groaned. “What, you mean trying to sabotage Ditzy Doo?” she asked. “I gave her ample warnings to back off. She brought it on herself.”
Watt snickered. “Looks like the universe doesn’t agree with you, Cosmo. I daresay fate hasn’t been in your favor since you pulled that stunt.”
Glow snorted. “I’ve noticed,” she grumbled. “Admittedly, I wasn’t aware of just how dire Ditzy’s circumstances had become until Breeze explained it to me the next day. But what’s done is done, and now I just want to get that mare and everypony associated with her out of my life. Including Screwball.”
She thought about that for a second. “Scratch that. Especially Screwball.”
“Hi neighbor!” came a bubbly little voice. Glow groaned as the aforementioned chaos pony emerged from the soil of a flowerbed, uprooting the recently planted roses and scaring the living daylights out of the cream-colored earth pony that had been planting them.
“Speak of the devil,” Glow sighed. Screwball floated over and grinned innocently, offering Glow one of the roses that had become dislodged during her arrival.
“Aw, look,” Watt cooed. “She’s giving you a gift.”
Glow frowned. She hesitantly took the rose from Screwball, and then watched uninterestedly as it promptly melted into a red hot waxy substance, splattering the dirt road below them. The original owner of the roses watched apprehensively as she gathered up the remaining scattered flowers, before scurrying away into town.
Glow stared at the sticky mess that had previously been a flower before her eyes returned to Screwball. The chaos pony glanced down at the gunk, then back up at Glow. She opened her mouth and pointed to it expectantly.
“I’m not going to eat it!” Glow insisted. “What is wrong with you, you freak?”
Screwball didn’t respond. Instead, she opted to scoop up some of the steaming red goop with her forehoof, offering it to Glow.
Annoyed, Glow entrapped Screwball’s entire body in a field of telekinetic energy and threw her against a wall. Screwball simply bounced off the solid surface as if she was made of rubber, and crashed into Glow on the rebound, causing both ponies to collapse in a tangle of limbs.
Watt tried his best to stifle a laugh as he watched Glow struggle to heave Screwball’s bulk off her back so she could stand again.
“Do you see what I mean?” she cried in exasperation. “How am I supposed to put up with a pony who completely disregards the laws of logic?”
“Try not to worry about it,” Watt urged. “Pinkie should be almost ready by now. Follow me to Sugarcube Corner and we’ll see about getting rid of Screwball for good.”
A new cotton candy cloud began to dump chocolate milk on Glow again. “Fine,” she mumbled. “Even if this doesn’t work, maybe at the very least Pinkie can eat the cloud again.”
“Hiya, Mrs. Cake!” Watt greeted loudly as the door to the sweet shop slammed open, knocking over a large, painstaking cupcake display with the vibrations.
“Oh, hello Watt,” said Mrs. Cake a little tiredly as she hurried over with a dustpan and brush to clean up the fallen pastries. “Pinkie Pie’s upstairs. She’s probably expecting you, so go on up.”
“Okay, thanks,” Watt said with a grin. “Mind if I bring a few friends up as well? Pinkie knows them too.”
“Sure, why not,” Mrs. Cake said absently. “Just try not to make too much of a-”
Watt cut her off as he charged up the staircase, followed closely by a morose looking blue unicorn and some other thing that may or may not have actually been a pony. A pink cloud floated behind the group, raining chocolate milk all over the recently waxed floors of the sweet shop.
“…mess.” Mrs. Cake finished flatly. She turned to the kitchen. “Dear? Bring a mop. Pinkie’s friends are here.”
A few moments later, Glow found herself in Pinkie Pie’s brightly colored bedroom, although there was no sign of the pink mare herself. Curious, since Mrs. Cake had just attested to her presence.
“Where is she?” the unicorn asked Watt, while absently pushing Screwball off her back, who had suddenly decided to dig through Glow’s wig like a chimpanzee looking for bugs.
“She’s probably trying to get in right now,” Watt said. “But the door’s still open. You gotta close it first.”
Glow raised an eyebrow. “Watt, I think that even a scatterbrained dolt like you knows that the door needs to be open for a pony to enter the room.”
Watt looked at Glow as if she had rocks in her head. “Well, duh,” he answered. “Of course the door has to be open. It’s just open to the wrong place right now.”
“Huh?” Glow asked. “What in Equestria are you talking about? The only thing behind the door is the hallway of Sugarcube Corner.”
Watt sighed. “Fine, I’ll close it myself,” he answered, ignoring Glow’s argument. He shut the door, waited a few seconds, and then opened it again.
Glow quickly noticed the apparent change of scenery. Beyond the bedroom door was a huge corridor built of dark stone.
“Oh, so you’re rearranging timespace now?” she yelled angrily, slapping Screwball across the face.
“Relax, Cosmo,” Watt said dully. “Screwball has nothing to do with it. It’s just part of Sir Lintsalot’s Castle, in Pinkie’s imaginary country.”
He trotted out into the dark hallway before Glow could ask any questions. “Pinkie!” he called, his voice echoing down the gargantuan tunnel. “We’re here! Are you almost ready?”
“One second!” came the high pitched response.
The horribly grating sound of metal on stone filled the air, causing Glow to flinch. After a moment, Pinkie Pie appeared in the stone corridor, huffing and puffing as she pushed some gigantic contraption across the floor. When it was in line with the bedroom door, she stopped, wiping her brow with a hoof.
“What in Equestria is that pile of garbage?” Glow asked.
“This?” asked Pinkie, pointing hesitantly to the huge device as if she wasn’t totally sure that’s what Glow was referring to. “This is the Super Vacuu-matic 9000. It’s what we’re going to use to take care of Screwball.”
“But… where did you get it?” Glow asked, cautiously approaching the machine. She stood at the threshold between realities, afraid to step into the dark corridor that Pinkie and Watt had somehow conjured up.
Pinkie shrugged. “I know a guy,” she answered simply.
There was a short pause. “Well, he’s not really a guy,” the mare elaborated. “He’s actually more of a pile of rocks who is also a mercenary for hire. He owes me all sorts of favors, so I figured he wouldn’t mind if I borrowed this from him.”
Glow decided it was time to get this over with. Pinkie was becoming more and more nonsensical by the minute, and Glow had had enough nonsense in the past week.
“So what does it do?” she asked. “You said it’s a Vacuu-matic. Is it just going to suck Screwball up?”
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.
“You know that won’t change a thing,” Glow warned. “Screwball has escaped from much worse than a giant vacuum cleaner.”
“I know,” Pinkie said with a sly grin. “But if the Vacuu-matic stays in here, and you stay out there in Equestria, Screwball won’t be able to get to you anymore.”
Glow leaned forward, peering down the ominous corridor. “You mean this place really isn’t part of Equestria?” she asked.
Pinkie snorted. “I’m pretty sure this place isn’t even part of our universe, Cosmo!” she giggled.
Screwball, in her usual randomness, has somehow acquired a carton of eggs, and was now cracking them one by one and emptying their contents, which, mercifully, turned out to be confetti, onto Glow’s back. She glared at the oblivious chaos pony.
“Whatever,” she said to Pinkie. “I don’t even care how this works any more. If it’s going to get rid of Screwball, then hurry up and do it so I can get back to my life.”
“What’s the magic word?” Pinkie chanted.
Glow glared daggers at Pinkie. “How about, ‘do it before I shove you into that machine along with Screwball’.”
Pinkie bit her lip. “Oh… alright, you big party pooper. Stand back as far as you can.”
Glow and Watt both backed against the wood-paneled wall of Pinkie’s room. Glow pushed Screwball gently through the air, where she hovered like a balloon a few feet in front of the waiting mouth of the gigantic vacuum device. Pinkie, who now sat atop the great steel machine, leaned forward and pulled the large lever on top.
A deafening wooshing sound filled the air, and even from a dozen feet away, Watt and Glow had to hold onto a dresser to avoid being pulled across the floor by the incredible suction the Vacuu-matic produced.
Screwball began to drift through the air towards the oppressive device. But the chaos pony seemed to realize that something was wrong. She dropped to the ground suddenly and stood defiantly a few feet in front of the vacuum tube, not budging in the slightest despite her proximity to the machine.
“Turn it up!” Glow cried from her position at the back of the room. “She’s resisting it somehow! You need more power!”
Pinkie adjusted the dial on the machine, and the suction increased dangerously. All loose objects in Pinkie’s bedroom were immediately sucked in. Loose papers, small toys, even the bed sheets all disappeared into it.
Glow clung to the dresser for all she was worth, staring in shock at Screwball, who stood against the whipping gale with apparent ease. A pony of her size, standing at such a short distance from the vacuum, should easily have been pulled in by this point.
“Get in there, you big nuisance!” the unicorn cried, letting go of the dresser and sliding across the floor to Screwball. The mare began to heave against her adversary, but it was as if Screwball was cemented to the floor.
Glow’s wig was torn from her head rather suddenly; she just barely managed to catch it with her magic before it was swept up by the raging wind the vacuum produced.
“More power!” she shrieked.
“It’s too dangerous!” Pinkie called back. “If it does take Screwball, you’ll be pulled in too!”
Pinkie had a point. Glow called for Watt instead. The earth pony released his grip on the furniture and slid across the floor rather quickly, crashing unceremoniously into Glow’s rump.
“Help me push! We’re got to get her to move!” Glow urged.
For a few seconds both ponies, both ponies pushed in vain, but Screwball didn’t move an inch. However, something else did.
The cotton candy cloud, which had become stuck to several pieces of furniture, finally came loose from the suction, and was instantly pulled into the whirling winds of the vacuum.
Immediately, the suction almost entirely stopped. There was a fearful grinding noise from the depths of the Vacuu-matic.
“That can’t be good,” Pinkie mumbled from atop the machine.
Smoke began to billow from the sides of the machine as it struggled to perform its task, despite the sticky substance clogging it up. Bolts began to burst from the sides.
“It’s going to explode!” Watt yelled.
A panicked look crossed Glow’s face. “Are you sure?”
Watt narrowed his eyes. “Cosmo, I’m Ponyville’s premier electrician. Believe me, I know an impending explosion when I see it. Now hit the deck!”
Watt dove under the bed, although it was a little too low for him to fit. His hindquarters and read legs stuck out rather comically. Glow backed off and, seeing no suitable cover, produced the strongest magical shield she could muster.
Pinkie tried to hop off of the machine, but she had barely moved when the overload became too extreme.
The blast was enormous. Fortunately, the majority of the fire and shrapnel was contained on the other side of the doorway in the stone corridor. Pinkie Pie was blown through the door like a missile, colliding with the wall with enough force to send a series of cracks through it. She staggered backwards, her eyes rolling dizzily and her coat completely singed and covered in ash.
“Pinkie Pie,” came the almost bored sounding voice of Mrs. Cake from the floor below. “Honey, Mr. Cake and I are a little too busy to deal with explosions today.”
“Sorry, Mrs. Cake!” Pinkie called, sounding no worse for wear despite being blasted across the room. “I’ll clean it up!”
Pinkie opened a few windows to allow the smoke to escape, and extinguished the tiny flames that had caught on her mane and the tip of Watt’s exposed tail. Glow lowered her shield as well.
And in the midst of it all, Screwball stood completely unharmed, glancing casually around the room as if nothing had happened.
Glow fell to the ground in defeat, covering her face with her hooves. She stayed there, quivering, as Watt clambered out from under the bed and Pinkie, who seemed miraculously uninjured, dusted herself off. The two of them scrambled over to Glow once they had situated themselves.
“Are you okay?” Watt asked. “Did you get hurt in the explosion?”
“No,” Glow mumbled. “I’m just out of ideas. Screwball wins. I admit defeat.”
“It’s so weird,” Watt said. “I didn’t think Screwball was this uncooperative. I mean, she did what we told her to last week when we asked her to stop sabotaging the party…”
Glow removed her hooves from her face as an idea struck her. “Watt,” she said hesitantly, “could it be that we’ve been going about this the wrong way?”
Watt cocked his head, but said nothing.
Slowly, Glow rose to her hooves and trotted over to Screwball. The chaos pony grinned at her… and proceeded to lick the side of her face in the manner of a dog.
Despite her tormentor’s disgusting actions, Glow put on her best falsely polite smile; the very one she often used when dealing with Equestria Speedy Shipping Services customers.
“Screwball,” she said as sweetly as she could manage. “Do you think you could do your good neighbor Glow a favor and float over there into that hall for me?”
Screwball nodded eagerly. “Favors for neighbors!” she squeaked delightedly as she floated into the stone passage.
Glow slammed the door. “Quick,” she demanded. “How do you change it back to normal?”
“Just expect to find Sugarcube Corner on the other side when you open it again,” Pinkie said.
Glow pictured the dim upstairs hallway of the sweet shop and opened the door once again, bracing herself for the onslaught of Screwball. None came. The narrow hallway was free of any lurking chaos ponies.
“Is… is that it?” Glow asked. “Is she really gone?”
“Sealed in a dimension with no connections to our own!” Pinkie announced proudly. “She’s not getting out unless one of us lets her out!”
Glow sighed with relief. “I can’t believe it,” she breathed. “It actually worked. Pinkie and Watt actually did something helpful for once in their lives.”
She turned to the door. “Glad that’s over. I’m out of here.”
“Wait for me!” Watt called. “Oh, and I’ll see you tomorrow Pinkie!”
“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie called as she grabbed a broom to begin cleaning the disaster area that her bedroom had been reduced to.
Glow trotted down the stairs, with Watt following closely behind. Mrs. Cake glanced up as they walked by.
“Is that chocolate raincloud coming through here again?” she asked nervously.
“Nope!” said Watt. “It got sucked into a giant vacuum and caused a catastrophic explosion. But everything’s just peachy now!”
Watt trotted out, leaving Glow standing alone with Mrs. Cake.
“I pity you. I really do,” Glow said, before turning and excusing herself from the shop.
Mrs. Cake blinked, and then shook her head and got back to work.
“See? See?” Watt laughed, bouncing merrily around Glow as she trotted through town. “See where a little kindness will get you, Cosmo? It’s karma, I tell you!”
“Oh please,” Glow snorted. “That was all fake and you know it.”
Watt chuckled. “Yeah, but it got the job done. Screwball doesn’t know the difference.”
He began to trot away. Glow watched him go.
“Watt. Hang on a second.”
Watt turned around. “Yes Cosmo?”
Glow pawed at the ground awkwardly. “Um… I guess I… I kind of owe you and Pinkie for the help. So thanks, and all that.”
An absolutely enormous grin crossed Watt’s face. He pressed his nose against Glow’s forcing the unicorn to take a few paces backwards.
“Ooh, what’s this?” Watt asked ecstatically. “Cosmo showing a hint of gratitude? I never thought I’d see the day.”
Glow’s usual scowl returned. “Enjoy it. It won’t happen again,” she snarled.
Watt laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’ll see you later Cosmo!”
“And I’ll enjoy every moment between now and then,” Glow shot back.
Watt disappeared down the street at his usual breakneck speed, leaving the unicorn standing alone. The corner of her mouth curved up in just the tiniest of smiles.
Maybe Watt isn’t totally worthless after all…
Glow trotted home, finally accepting the fact that her day was looking up. That is, until she arrived at her property to find her house missing. With a groan, she remembered its relocation, courtesy of Screwball.
Her rare good mood ruined, Glow’s usual grimace returned. Even with Screwball gone, it was going to be a long day…
Ditzy Doo in: Flashbacks, Fillies, and Finishing School
“And… there you go,” said Vinyl Scratch, handing the now autographed saddlebag back to the giddy fan who had asked her to sign it.
“Thanks, DJ! You’re the best!” the appreciative mare squealed. She turned quickly and galloped off down one of Canterlot’s narrow side streets, eager to show her prize to one of her friends.
Vinyl chuckled as she watched the fan go. She never got tired of that kind aspect of her job. Making fans’ dreams come true was one part of the celebrity glamour that she really enjoyed.
Of course, fans are fans. What Vinyl really craved was more time to spend with somepony who wanted to know her as regular old Vinyl Scratch, not the legendary DJ PON-3; somepony who she could start a conversation with on the less exciting things in life, without losing their attention. And, thanks to the clever aid of a mare named Ditzy Doo, she had found the somepony she was looking for: a classy mare named Octavia.
Vinyl smiled as she remembered the friendly grey pegasus who had helped her meet Octavia. After the ice was broken between them, the two musical ponies both found the chance they were looking for to expand their interests into unfamiliar fields, and in the process, they had become very close. And Vinyl knew Ditzy Doo’s advice had helped her to get there.
Vinyl happened to be gazing at the sky as she reflected on that happy day a few months back, but she was snapped out of her private thoughts when the very pegasus she had been thinking about fluttered through the sky above her.
“Hey Ditzy Doo!” Vinyl called.
Ditzy stopped in midair, glancing down upon the streets of Canterlot for the source of the voice. After a moment, she spotted the familiar unicorn and swooped down.
“Hello, Vinyl Scratch!” Ditzy greeted warmly. “I haven’t seen you in a long time. Are you and Octavia still together?”
“We are,” Vinyl answered. “This whole thing between Octavia and me worked out much better than I ever thought it would. I’m meeting up with her in about an hour; she wants to take me to some museum.”
“That’s great,” Ditzy replied with a grin. “I’ll let my boss know. He’s always happy to hear that one of our clients’ relationships survived into the long term.”
Vinyl nodded. “So, are you on an assignment right now?” she asked.
“I’m on my way back from one, actually,” Ditzy replied. “It was a pretty simple job; my boss probably won’t be expecting me back so soon.”
Vinyl grinned. “Wanna hang around and chat for a bit? I have some time to kill before I’m supposed to meet up with Octavia anyway.”
Ditzy shrugged. “Well, I don’t see why not.”
Vinyl led Ditzy back to the club, which, as usual, was closed in the middle of the morning. The unicorn seated herself at one of the tables, motioning for Ditzy to take a seat across from her.
“So how have things been going for you?” Vinyl asked.
“Actually, things have been really good lately,” Ditzy admitted. “A lot has happened since the last time I spoke with you, but to summarize it all, the meanest worker at our company got fired, my daughter just started attending Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns, and I’ve even got a coltfriend of my own now!”
“Wow,” Vinyl laughed, “aren’t you lucky? Everything’s going your way.”
She magically lifted off her shades, casually cleaning them with a napkin. “Of course, you deserve all that great stuff. You spend every day flyin’ around making ponies’ fantasies come true. There’s a lot of ponies really indebted to you, me included.”
Ditzy blushed a little. “Oh, come on Vinyl. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Vinyl insisted that Ditzy share a few tales of her more recent adventures, and the pegasus was happy to recount some of her adventures in the past few months. The hour wore on quickly, and soon it was nearly time for Octavia to arrive.
“Well,” said Ditzy, standing up from the table, “I suppose I should be going.”
“Hang on,” Vinyl said. “There’s one other thing I’ve been meaning to ask you. It’s really minor, but it’s been bugging me ever since the day you took my assignment.”
Ditzy’s eyebrows rose, and she waited for Vinyl to continue.
“Do you remember when you were teaching me how to behave like a ‘proper’ mare?” the unicorn questioned.
Ditzy nodded.
“Well, while we were doing that, you kept telling me you learned it all in your short time in finishing school. And then you mentioned something about escaping from finishing school, but you didn’t have any time to elaborate on that.”
Vinyl glanced at the clock. “So, if you have another ten minutes to kill… you think you could satisfy my curiosity and tell me about that? It sounds epic.”
Ditzy began to giggle. “Oh gosh Vinyl, I haven’t told anypony that story in ages,” she said. “Do you really want to know?”
Vinyl nodded eagerly.
“Well, alright,” Ditzy said with a shrug. “Let’s see, it was quite a long time ago…”
Location: Prim and Proper’s Finishing School for Fillies
Grey. Grey was everywhere. The ground was grey. The sky was grey. And the big, foreboding building looming at the top of the hill was grey as well.
Ditzy Doo was naturally a grey filly, but most of the others around her weren’t. Yet the gloomy hue of the surrounding landscape seemed to suck the color right out of them. Fillies she had met earlier that day, who she knew to be bright blues and greens and pinks all appeared dulled now. Ditzy glanced at her own blonde mane; she knew it was a bright, playful color in reality, but here, surrounded by so much blandness, it too seemed washed-out.
The carriage bounced and jostled as it was pulled up the rocky dirt road. The crowd of twenty-odd fillies seated inside did their best to stay in their seats despite the rough ride. There was an uneasy silence spread throughout the group. Nopony knew just what to expect, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that the experience they would all soon share would not be a pleasant one.
The movement stopped, and the carriage door opened, revealing the carriage driver, who waited to guide his passengers up the walkway.
In silent single file, the fillies exited the carriage and began the march up to the huge front doors of the establishment in front of them. The only sound was the rhythmic hoofsteps and a few hushed whispers carrying dreadful rumors about the horrors that lie beyond the looming gate.
“Twenty-two… twenty-three…” the carriage driver mumbled under his breath. “Good. They’re all here. That means I can get out of this place.”
The fillies watched as he galloped back to the carriage and took off down the road as quickly as he could, leaving them standing awkwardly in front of the fortress-like structure on the barren moor.
Silence reigned for several minutes. A gentle breeze blew across the plain.
“So when do you think they’ll-” Ditzy began.
“Shh!” the filly in front of her cut her off. “Don’t talk! We’ll get in trouble.”
Ditzy blinked. She stared up at the huge door in front of her, wondering who exactly it was that they would be in trouble with.
Suddenly, the huge doors swung open, revealing the interior, which was almost as grey as the stone exterior. It did contain a few carpets and tacky wall decorations in a different color. It was one that Ditzy would eventually come to despise during her time here; a dull, pale pink.
“Greetings, students,” came a pair of lightly accented female voices. The fillies’ eyes, which had been roving the room, now came to rest on the speakers: a pair of mares so bland that they had initially escaped notice entirely by blending in with the room.
“Welcome, all of you, to our lovely finishing school,” the mare on the left said. “My name is Prim, and this is my sister, Proper. We are your headmistresses.”
Proper nodded in greeting.
Ditzy, (and for that matter, most of the fillies) surveyed Prim and Proper with apprehension. The two of them matched the atmosphere of the school eerily well. They were earth ponies, and identical twins at that, both with grey coats and equally grey manes tied into tight buns with a small hairbands which, coincidentally, were the same pale pink as the carpets. Even their eyes were dull and grey, and both wore small, probably useless pairs of glasses. The only physical difference between the two mares was their Cutie Marks: Prim’s was a frilly doily, while Proper’s was a delicately folded napkin.
“As many of you are aware,” headmistress Proper began. “You have all been sent here to be taught the highest degree of culture and sophistication. Some of you are naturally inclined to such mannerisms, and simply need further guidance.”
The mare strode forward, a hint of distaste in her expression. “Others…” she continued, “…are hopeless ragamuffins who need to be strictly instructed so that they may put their attitudes in order.”
Proper singled out Ditzy, motioning for her to step forward. The filly gulped, and slowly approached the headmistress.
“Here is an example,” Proper said loudly. “Just look at this filly. No self-respecting young mare should be caught dead with her mane in such a disheveled state.”
“Hey, I like how my mane looks!” Ditzy piped up defensively.
There were several small gasps from the rest of the collected fillies.
Proper’s nose scrunched up. “Prim?” she asked. “What is this filly’s name?”
Prim scanned her clipboard. “That’s Ditzy Doo, Proper.”
“Well, miss Ditzy,” Proper said harshly, “thank you for proving my point. A filly should not speak out of line. Remaining quiet unless spoken to is an important habit for young ponies to develop.”
She turned away, back to the crowd. “But don’t worry,” she continued. “By the end of the summer, even the most unruly among you will be acting like a cultured young filly should… whether you like it or not.”
The huge doors slammed shut of their own accord, as if to emphasize the headmistress’s last statement.
“Each of you should have received a room assignment before your arrival,” Prim said. “The dormitories are located down the hall to your left. Classes begin tomorrow morning at seven o’clock. Lateness will not be tolerated. Now, you are excused to your rooms for the evening.”
Prim and Proper turned in unison and trotted up a large central stairway leading to the upper levels of the finishing school. Silently, the fillies dispersed and proceeded to their dormitories. Ditzy walked as quietly as she could down the long grey hallway, until at last she reached the room she had been told to report to. A simple plaque hung near the top, displaying the number twenty-seven. The filly pushed the door open and stepped cautiously inside.
The room was every bit as bland as she had expected it to be. There were no windows, just a pair of small, plain beds and a single, ancient looking wooden desk. There was also a small throw rug, not nearly wide enough to cover the floor, lying haphazardly in the center of the room. It was that same shade of ghastly pale pink that Ditzy was already becoming sick of.
The door creaked, and the sound of quiet hoofsteps sounded behind her.
“Oh. Are you my roommate?”
Ditzy turned around to find yet another grey filly peering cautiously into the room.
“Yeah, I guess so,” Ditzy said. “Are you really grey, or am I just losing my ability to see color in this drab place?”
“No, I’m really grey,” the other filly said, stepping fully into the room. Ditzy realized she was an earth pony as well. There seemed to be a lot of earth ponies around today.
“At least you’ve got a nice yellow mane,” the other filly said enviously. “Mine’s just darker grey. I look almost as bland as this school does.”
“Maybe that’s not a bad thing here,” Ditzy giggled. “The headmistresses will probably be nicer to you because you’re boring like they are!”
The earth filly smiled, and the two new roommates giggled at their joke.
“I’m Ditzy Doo,” Ditzy said, extending her hoof in greeting. “What’s your name?”
“Hi, Ditzy,” the other filly said warmly. “I’m-”
The earth filly was cut off suddenly. As she reached out with a front hoof to shake Ditzy’s, the rest of her legs abruptly gave way, and she collapsed onto her stomach with a small ‘oof.’
“Whoa! Are you okay?” Ditzy asked, trotting over to her fallen friend.
The little earth pony just giggled. “Sorry,” she said, regaining her balance. “I’ve got really weak legs. I’m always stumbling and falling down. That’s why my friends just call me ‘Totter’.”
Ditzy smiled. “Well, I think both of us are going to need a friend if we want to survive this dreary place. Totter it is, then!”
The pegasus’ smile faded. “So… do you know anything about this place? Nopony seems willing to talk about it.”
Totter glanced around, as if making sure nopony was listening. She even peeked out into the hallway to make sure Prim and Proper weren’t lurking nearby.
“I live in Canterlot,” Totter said in a hushed whisper. “I’ve known ponies who have gone to this finishing school. Before they leave home, they’re happy, playful ponies, just like you and me. But when they return at the end of the summer, they’re… different. Suddenly, the games they used to love are now ‘uncouth activities’ to them. They avoid fun like it’s a bad thing; they only want to spend time having boring conversations on frivolous topics while they sip tea with all the other stuck-up ponies in Canterlot’s upper class district.”
Totter shivered. “I knew one filly who went here last year. She and I used to be best friends. But after last summer, all she ever does is chide me for being ‘immature’, and try to correct my manners every chance she gets. Before she left, she didn’t give two bits about manners.”
Ditzy gulped. “So you’re saying…”
“This place brainwashes you!” Totter exclaimed. “Nopony leaves here the same pony they were when they came in! It’s like a factory for turning friendly fillies into cold socialite snobs!”
“W-what?” Ditzy stammered. “But… there must be something we can do! We can’t let them do this to us.”
“The only thing we can do is stick together,” Totter said. “We need to keep each other’s spirits up. Alone, we’ll definitely have no choice but to succumb to Prim and Proper’s lessons. But maybe together, we stand a chance of retaining who we are.”
Ditzy nodded solemnly. “Alright then. Ditzy and Totter against the school. Do you think we can do it?”
Totter shrugged. “Well… I sure hope so. I know I don’t want to become just another snob who never has any fun.”
“Me either,” Ditzy agreed. “But if we’re going to fight it… then this is going to be one heck of a summer…”
Location: Prim and Proper’s Finishing School for Fillies: Crafts Class
“No talking.”
Ditzy cringed as headmistress Prim scolded her.
“Sorry.”
“Sorry what?”
“Sorry headmistress.”
“That’s better,” the headmistress said as she continued her slow trot around the room. “Now return to your knitting. All fillies should learn how to knit properly.”
Ditzy turned back to the disaster area that was supposed to be the doily she was trying to knit. The poor thing didn’t even look like it would hold together, much less present the intricate patterns the headmistresses demanded of them. If she couldn’t fix it, it would mean more etiquette drills as punishment.
Ditzy chanced a quick glance her friend Totter, who was sitting at the next table over. Totter’s doily was perhaps even worse than Ditzy’s, probably due in no small part to the poor filly’s weak and shaky hooves. She struggled with the pale pink yarn for a few more seconds before she too glanced up. She and Ditzy exchanged a quick, sad smile.
“No smiling,” headmistress Prim commanded from across the room. “You must concentrate on your craft if you want it to be perfect.”
“Sorry, headmistress,” Ditzy and Totter droned in unison.
It had been a week since the fillies had arrived at the finishing school, and already, Ditzy could feel her love of life slipping away, slowly being replaced with the grim reality of a dull and orderly world. Her happy days playing with her good friends in her hometown, despite having happened so recently, now seemed a distant memory.
Surely, she would have simply given in to the simple demands and mind-numbing ways of Prim and Proper if it wasn’t for Totter. The two of them spent every free moment in their dormitory, the only place in the whole school where they were safe from Prim and Proper’s constant scolding. Together, they exchanged stories of their lives back home, and played simple games together. Absently, Ditzy wondered if the other fillies did any such thing with their roommates. A few appeared very miserable, but most just seemed devoid of any feeling at all. The filly supposed these were the ones who had simply given in to Prim and Proper’s strict ways, and simply sacrificed all hope so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the misery of the present that came with their fond memories of the past.
They were hollow; they had no personality left, and they silently and obediently did whatever the headmistresses asked of them. Which meant they were now malleable; each was a willing subject for the headmistresses to mould into what they (rather appropriately) called ‘a prim and proper mare.’
Ditzy didn’t like it at all.
She never talked with the others; most of them didn’t want to have anything to do with her anyway. Those who had succumbed to the agonizing brainwashing now looked down on her for not joining them in the utter absence of spirit. Totter was the only one she could trust, but both fillies knew it was only a matter of time. After all, while it seemed like they’d been locked up in this grueling place for ages, it had in fact been only a week. And with eleven more weeks to go until the end of the summer, Ditzy feared there was nopony in Equestria who could avoid losing themselves while interned here.
Ditzy strained to see any sort of color left in her classmates. She knew for certain there had been a rainbow of ponies in the carriage with her on the way here. But now, each and every one appeared grey. She assumed that color would return once they left this austere place; after all, she’d seen snobby ponies in plenty of colors. But while their appearance might eventually return to normal, what was on the inside was being damaged beyond repair. Ditzy glanced at her own mane, which still held a hint of its cheery yellow; they hadn’t broken her yet. But everything around her existed only in grayscale, except for items colored in that awful, washed-out pink.
Ditzy thought about the various classes, trying to decide if she could even remotely enjoy any of them. In table manners class, she was constantly chided for her ‘barbaric’ eating habits. She was forced to learn all the proper movements of her body, uses of her utensils, and placements of her dishes. Apparently anything less than this exact system appeared utterly uncouth to high society. Ditzy had had to set her place at a model table again and again, repeatedly receiving grief from the headmistresses for petty things like an improperly folded napkin or a slightly diagonal fork.
Speech class was even worse. Ditzy naturally had what could be considered somewhat of a silly-sounding voice, and the very sound of it rubbed the headmistresses the wrong way. They insisted she ‘speak like a ladylike filly’, and so she had to be extremely careful in her annunciations. She envied Totter slightly in this respect; the earth filly had a melodious voice, and she barely had to do anything beyond simply speak normally to impress Prim and Proper.
Crafts class, where she sat now, was perhaps one of the least terrible, but it was still mind-numbingly boring. This was headmistress Prim’s area of expertise. Ditzy had come to realize that Prim specialized in teaching the actions fillies were apparently expected to perform, such as proper grooming, cooking, and of course, needlework. Headmistress Proper, on the other hand, specialized in etiquette; she worked to make sure her students behaved like a ladylike filly should.
Of course, that didn’t mean one could get away with poor etiquette just because Proper wasn’t around.
“Ditzy Doo,” Prim warned harshly. “Stop daydreaming. And fix that doily, or you’ll be making three more for homework.”
Location: Prim and Proper’s Finishing School for Fillies: Room 27
“I can’t take it anymore!” Ditzy screamed as loudly as she dared without alerting the headmistresses.
“I know,” Totter moaned, collapsing on the starched sheets of her bed. “It’s been two weeks. We’re only one-sixth of the way there…”
Ditzy pounded her hoof against the bedpost in frustration. “It’s not fair!” she growled. “I can feel them stealing my spirit right out of me, and there’s nothing I can do about it! And have you noticed the headmistresses are actually getting even more picky about our behavior as time goes on? They expect absolute perfection in the most mundane things!”
“Well, what do you expect to do about it?” Totter asked dully, running her hoof over her pillow. “The others are lost; none of them have the strength to try to help us. Heck, a few are already turning into miniature versions of the headmistresses, and all the rest have long since given up.”
Totter stood up and slowly walked over to her small pile of personal possessions, stumbling twice on the way over. She picked up a photograph of one of her family members. Ditzy had seen the picture the day she moved in with Totter; it depicted the earth filly’s friends, all smiling brightly, their eyes twinkling with wonder. But now, the light seemed gone from their eyes. Their smiles were still there, but they were fake and polite. The picture was still the same as it had always been, but somehow, the feeling of it had changed.
“They’re corrupting everything around us,” Totter sobbed. “Ditzy… what should we do? What can we do?”
An insane idea crossed Ditzy’s mind, and she clung to it for all it was worth. After all, after the assault of order bludgeoning her for the past two weeks, trying to force her very thoughts to conform, insane ideas were few and far between.
“I know what we can do,” she whispered. “We can escape.”
Totter’s eyes went wide. “Are you crazy? You’ve seen this place. There aren’t even any exits besides those huge front doors and that one little hatch that leads out to the backyard, which is enclosed anyway. Both of those exits are guarded by some kind of security measures, so I’ve heard. Not to mention that as soon as we leave the dormitory outside of class hours, we risk being spotted by Prim and Proper and getting punished with more menial chores.”
“What difference will a few more chores make?” Ditzy asked. “We already spend almost all our time in these stupid classes anyway. Sure, if we fail, we’ll have to work a little more, and I’m sure they’ll increase the security after the attempt. But what if we succeed? We could make it out of this place before they turn us into two more hollow shells.”
Totter looked unsure.
“Think about it this way, Totter,” Ditzy continued. “What have we got to lose?”
Totter blinked. “A-absolutely nothing,” she stammered, realizing the truth in Ditzy’s words. “You’re right. We have to at least try. It’s our last chance.”
“That’s the spirit!” Ditzy giggled, turning a loop in midair. “We have to strike quickly and unexpectedly. We could try to do some spying and find out more about the security, but if we get noticed, they’ll be constantly watching us. Our best chance to escape is to just go, as quickly and carefully as we can.”
Totter nodded. “When should we do it?”
“Tomorrow. After class. Make sure your things are packed. The two of us are breaking out of this horrible place.”
Location: Prim and Proper’s Finishing School for Fillies- Main Hallway
Ditzy stopped, breathing quietly as she peered around the corner. Totter stood behind her, carrying her small sack of belongings in her mouth and waiting for Ditzy’s signal.
“Do you hear them?” she whispered.
“No,” Ditzy said, straining her ears. “But they’ve got to be around here somewhere. We have to stay hidden until we’re sure we’ve passed them.”
The sound of very faint voices was suddenly audible. The fillies swiveled their ears toward the sound.
“Yes, most of them are coming along so nicely. I was most impressed with little Twinkle’s needlework. I think a few of the students may be ready for more complex designs.”
“Oh, yes, sister. I found that Tulip’s table manners have increased exponentially since last week. She makes me so proud, she’s becoming such a wonderfully cultured filly.”
Ditzy gasped as the long shadows of the headmistresses appeared, signaling the ponies’ arrival. “Here they come! We need to hide!” she hissed.
She scrambled into a nearby closet. Totter tried to follow, but just as she arrived, she lost her balance, careening forward into her pegasus friend and sending the two of them knocking into a stack of brooms, which toppled over.
“What was that?” came one of the headmistress’s voices. “Is one of the fillies in the halls?”
“Let’s go see. If we find somepony out at this hour, it’s extra doilies for a week and no more crumpets at tea time!”
Ditzy shut the door to the closet. “Hide!” she mouthed to her clumsy friend. She scrambled into a cardboard box filled to the brim with still more pink doilies, and buried herself in them as deeply as she could. Totter hid behind a large stack of musty old books and draped a big, stuffy overcoat over herself.
There was silence for a few moments, and then the closet door opened. Prim and Proper peered inside, scanning for any sign of intruder. The closet appeared to be in a bit of disarray, but there were no signs of life.
“I think a broom simply fell over,” Prim said. “Nothing to be alarmed about. For a moment, I thought it might be that awful little filly Ditzy Doo, trying to stir up more trouble.”
“Now, don’t worry about her, Prim,” Proper said calmly. “You know we’re making progress. She has a lot of spunk, but soon, we’ll manage to get her to act ladylike.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Prim said, shutting the door.
The fillies sat perfectly still as they listened to the sound of the retreating hoofsteps. Ditzy scrambled out of the box, and quietly told Totter the coast was clear. Quietly, the two fugitives opened the door and ran as quietly as they could down the wide hallway toward the back of the building.
“Well, Prim and Proper are out of the way for now,” Totter whispered. “But what do we- oof! Sorry… What do we do next?”
“We have to find out way out to the back door,” Ditzy replied. “Remember? They took us out there just that once for that stupid exercise we had to do with the parasols.”
Totter shuddered. “Oh yeah…”
Together, the fillies snuck through the quiet grey hallways, past many of the chambers where their classes were held. Despite their attempt to walk carefully, the sound of their hoofsteps was magnified in the silence, and each time Totter tripped, it created a sound that the fillies feared for sure would be heard by the headmistresses.
At long last, the plain metal door that led out into the enclosed yard came into view.
“It’s probably locked,” Ditzy said. “Let’s see if there’s any way to open it.”
The two fillies examined the door from every angle, but there appeared to be no way to undo the complex locks without a key that was likely carried by Prim and Proper themselves. Pulling on the handle yielded no result; the iron mechanisms were far too strong to be broken by the force two fillies could produce.
“It’s useless,” Totter sighed. “We can’t get past.”
Ditzy glanced at the tiny window in the upper part of the door. “Totter, do you think we could fit through there?”
Totter glanced at the glass pane. “Maybe, but it would be a tight fit.”
“Well, we’re gonna give it a try!” Ditzy announced. She flew up to the window, turned around, and bucked the glass as hard as she could. The panel shattered, causing a loud crash that echoed throughout the building.
Immediately, the lights dimmed, and a loud alarm began to blare.
“Great!” Totter groaned. “The escape alarm is active. We’re caught now.”
“No we’re not!” Ditzy insisted. “Not yet!”
Hovering near the ground, she put her forelimbs under Totter’s, and slowly lifted the filly off the ground. With a might heave, she shoved her friend through the small hole. Totter went halfway through, before becoming stuck, her rear still dangling in the window frame. Ditzy backed up and flew forward as quickly as possible, crashing into Totter’s butt and sending the both of them careening out the window and onto the dirt of the backyard.
“You okay?” Ditzy asked. “Sorry. That was the only way.”
“I’m fine,” said Totter, standing up shakily. “Do you think you can carry me up over the fence?”
Ditzy had nearly strained her tiny wings just trying to lift her friend through the window, but she had to try. Lifting Totter up again, she began flapping furiously to ascend over the fence. She had nearly reached the required height, when she was suddenly stopped by an invisible obstacle. A ripple permeated the air where her nose had touched the unseen blockade.
“A force field?!” Totter cried. “Dang it! Those things are the latest in unicorn technology. I didn’t think the school would actually be able to afford one, though…”
“How do we get past it?” Ditzy asked, lowering her friend to the ground.
“We don’t,” Totter deadpanned. “That is, unless you can find a way to shut it off in the next thirty seconds before Prim and Proper get here and capture us.”
Ditzy glanced at the decrepit old shed in the corner of the yard. She yanked open the door, and sure enough, the mechanism that generated the force field chugged away inside.
“Let me see!” Totter said. “My uncle works with unicorn machinery. I might be able to figure it out.”
“Okay, but hurry up!” Ditzy urged, glancing nervously at the door and flattening her ears in an attempt to block out the blaring alarm.
Totter surveyed the controls. “Crud!” she announced. “The only way we can shut it off is with a manual override. We need to stand here and hold the button down; the second we let go, the force field comes right back.”
“Aw…” Ditzy moaned. “I guess that’s it then. We’re caught.”
Totter turned; she had a weird gleam in her eye.
“I’m caught…” she said. “But maybe you’re not.”
Ditzy gasped. “No way, Totter!” she cried. “I’m not leaving you here.”
“Ditzy, there’s no other choice!” Totter replied. “I’m just an earth pony; I can’t get over the fence anyway. And if one of us holds this button down, the other can escape the force field and get away from this terrible place. What’s the point of both of us getting caught if one of us can get away?”
“I won’t leave you!” Ditzy sobbed. “They’ll turn you into a snobby zombie like all the others!”
Totter smiled sadly. “Don’t worry, Ditzy,” she said. “While it’s true that I’m not going to leave this place the same way I came in, even Prim and Proper can't steal away the memories in my heart. I’ll always remember the friendship we had here, Ditzy. And because of that, although I’ll be a stuffy socialite like all the others… there will always be a little spark left inside.”
“How do you know!?” Ditzy screamed over the alarm. “How do you know Prim and Proper can’t break you?”
“Prim and Proper can make me do whatever they want,” Totter admitted. “I won’t deny it. But maybe, just maybe, when all is said and done… I won’t be quite as boring as all the others.”
“But Totter…”
“Just go!” Totter pleaded, slamming her hoof on the button. “They’ll be here any second! Please, Ditzy!”
Ditzy hesitated, staring into her friend’s eyes for an instant longer, and then she turned and ran out of the shed, launching up past the fence and into the cloudy sky. Behind her, she heard the heavy metal door slam open, and the sounds of the headmistresses yelling angrily. She couldn’t look back; she had to put as much distance between herself and this horrible place as quickly as possible.”
A single tear escaped her eye as she thought of her friend’s inescapable fate. She had to keep going, to disappear until the summer was over. Totter wanted her to.
“I won’t ever forget you, Totter!” she cried to the open sky as she flew. “Please… try to remember me!”
Ditzy finished her story. Vinyl Scratch removed her shades so that the pegasus could see her shocked expression.
“Well… crud,” the unicorn said finally. “That was a more epic story than I thought it would be.”
“Yeah,” said Ditzy, smiling sadly at the memories. “I never did see Totter again. I’m sure Prim and Proper dealt the maximum punishment to her; she’s probably off somewhere right now, laughing at some boring anecdote at a stuffy dinner party.”
Vinyl nodded. “Poor kid,” she agreed. “Sounds like you two were close friends during those two weeks you spent together.”
Ditzy nodded. “Yep,” she agreed. “I know I’ll never see her again, but I hope she kept her promise. I hope she’s at least a little less snobby and stuffy than all the other socialites around here.”
Vinyl laughed. “With a mare like you to remember, I’m sure she’s not too bad at all.”
Ditzy smiled. “Well, it’s been fun, but I really must get back to work,” she insisted. “Besides, Octavia will be here any second.”
Vinyl nodded as she replaced her signature shades. “It’s cool. See you around, Ditzy.”
Vinyl watched her pegasus friend soar into the sky toward Ponyville.
“What are you staring at, Vinyl?”
Vinyl looked down, realizing that Octavia had arrived while she was looking up. “Nothin’,” she mumbled. “Just watching a pegasus buddy of mine fly away.”
Octavia nodded. “Well, shall we head to the museum?”
“Lead the way.”
The two ponies proceeded to one of Canterlot’s many premier museums. It was a grand building, situated at the top of a long marble staircase. Vinyl trotted quickly up with Octavia trailing behind. A thump caused the unicorn to turn around. She was greeted by the sight of her friend lying awkwardly on her stomach on the steps.
“Curse these stairs,” Octavia mumbled, clambering to her hooves. “Sorry, Vinyl. I had a condition as a child in which a vitamin deficiency led to very weak muscles. It has since been corrected of course, but I still experience moments of weakness now and again. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be though.”
She chuckled to herself. “My, come to think of it, I was stumbling about so much as a filly that my friends actually nicknamed me ‘Totter’. Silly, wouldn’t you say Vinyl?”
“Vinyl? Why are you looking at me like that? Vinyl?”
"Okay students, settle down!" Miss Cheerilee sang as she trotted into the classroom. "You all know what today is, right? It's time for another Family Appreciation Day!"
A few of the foals in class perked up upon hearing the announcement. After all, Family Appreciation Day meant a guest speaker was coming, which in turn meant the day's lecture was cancelled.
Cheerilee smiled. "Good, I see I've gotten everypony's attention," she said. "So today, we'll be meeting a family member of one of our newest students, Pipsqueak."
At the back of the class, Pipsqueak flattened his ears shyly against his head. "Um, Miss Cheerilee?" he piped up hesitantly. "I'm sorry, but... my uncle's going to be a little bit late. He dropped by this morning as I was on my way to school and told me he had to take an assignment from work, so..."
Pipsqueak trailed off, but Cheerilee did not seem perturbed.
"Well, that's fine Pipsqueak," she said. "One's job does come first. Besides, this will give us time to finish yesterday's math lesson!"
The class groaned collectively and Pipsqueak shrank back in his chair a bit as several glares were directed at him. Slowly, the students rummaged through their saddlebags and retrieved their math textbooks.
Over the next hour, Pipsqueak tried to listen to Cheerilee's lecture, but he found it hard to concentrate. His mind was too full of thoughts about the class's reaction to the guest he had selected. After all, his uncle had a somewhat unusual occupation.
A rapping at the classroom door startled the colt out of his thoughts. Most of the class looked up expectantly.
"Oh, that must be our special guest!" Cheerilee said. "You all may close your books for now while we turn our attention to our speaker."
Cheerilee opened the door, and smiled pleasantly as a white pegasus in a green beret walked into the classroom.
"Hello," Cheerilee said. "You must be Pipsqueak's uncle. It's a pleasure to have you here for Family Appreciation Day."
"It's a pleasure to be here," the pegasus responded. "Where is Pip, anyway?"
He glanced around the room, spotting his nephew in the back row. "There he is! How are you doing, Pip?"
Pipsqueak smiled. "I'm just fine, uncle Cloudcover!"
"Great," Cloudcover said. "So sorry I'm late; the boss had another assignment and the others were all already busy. But now that that's cleared up, we can get started!"
"Wonderful," said Cheerilee. "Mr. Cloudcover, why don't you tell us all about your occupation?"
Cloudcover grinned. "Well, of course," he agreed. "As Pip knows, my job is a little different than that of most ponies. I don't work at any normal business; my job is actually different every day. I travel all over Equestria helping various ponies in need-"
"Like a superhero?" Scootaloo asked excitedly. "Do you save ponies in awesome ways, like Rainbow Dash?"
"No, not quite like a superhero," Cloudcover laughed. "My job is a little harder to explain, but I've been talking with my boss and my wonderful coworkers, and figured out how best to explain it to you all."
He took a deep breath. "You see kids, I work at a small, Ponyville-based establishment called Equestria Speedy Shipping Services..."
To Pipsqueak's relief, Cloudcover really had spent a fair amount of time preparing for his speech, and his method of describing the shipping profession to the students was not unlike the one Ditzy Doo had used to explain it to Dinky. The whole class seemed riveted by the idea of such an unusual job; even Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon seemed to be listening respectfully.
"...and that's basically how it works," Cloudcover said, bringing the explanation to a close. "A small group of us are given assignments almost every day to help ponies bring their relationship ideas into reality. It's a lot of work, but it's a great feeling to see the ponies you helped starting off on a whole new relationship."
Cloudcover finished his speech, Cheerilee and the students applauded. A few fillies in the front row exchanged excited glances.
"Wonderful!" Cheerilee said. "Thank you for joining us, Mr. Cloudcover, and thank you Pipsqueak for choosing such an interesting guest for us today."
Cloudcover smiled humbly. "Thanks, ma'am. It was a pleasure to be here."
Cheerilee nodded. "Okay, students, it's time for recess!" she announced.
Cloudcover leapt into the air to avoid the stampede of foals beneath him as they all charged outside.
"They're so full of energy," he commented.
"Well, you know how foals their age can be," Cheerilee said. "You'd better go outside and say goodbye to your nephew before you head back to work."
"Ah, right," Cloudcover said. "Thanks again for letting me visit."
The pegasus turned and trotted out the door, unaware that his otherwise average day was about to descend into chaos.
"Did ya hear that girls? Did ya?" Applebloom giggled, jumping excitedly around her friends. "That stallion's got a job as a shipping pony! We gotta go talk to him; I reckon that this is an opportunity we aren't gonna find anywhere else!"
"Who cares?" Scootaloo groaned. "Who would want a job like that anyway? Helping ponies with their namby-pamby lovesick fantasies? Yuck. Besides, haven't we had enough of that after what happened with Cheerilee and Big Mac last Hearts and Hooves Day?"
"This is different," Applebloom argued. "Pip's uncle helps ponies who actually want help with their relationship... unlike Miss Cheerilee. And he does it with methods that don't involve brainwashing love potions."
"We should at least go talk to Pipsqueak," Sweetie Belle said. "I mean, do you girls remember that time we were helping Dinky and Twist spy on Dinky's mom? That paper we found mentioned Equestria Speedy Shipping Services... the same place Pip's uncle works!"
"Hey, you're right!" Applebloom realized. "We need to at least ask Mr. Cloudcover if he knows Dinky or Mrs. Doo."
"Oh, alright," Scootaloo agreed, "but just because we haven't heard much about Dinky lately."
"That's the spirit, Scoot," Applebloom said as she led the crusaders across the schoolyard. The three fillies hesitantly approached their classmate, who was still in conversation with his uncle.
"Hi, Pip," Sweetie Belle greeted.
"Oh, hi girls," Pipsqueak replied. "Did you like uncle Cloudcover's presentation?"
"Did we ever!" Applebloom said. "Your uncle has a really cool job, Pipsqueak."
"Yeah, if you like that sort of thing, I guess," Scootaloo said.
"Actually, Mr. Cloudcover," Sweetie Belle continued, "we wanted to ask you something. Does Mrs. Doo work at the same place as you?"
"Oh, you mean Ditzy," Cloudcover laughed. "Yes, Ditzy is actually our most successful employee. Her daughter used to go to this school, or so Pip tells me."
"Yep, but I only get to see Dinky on the weekends now," Pipsqueak said.
"So that was the big secret," Sweetie Belle said to her friends. "Dinky's mom was trying to hide the fact that she was working at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services for a while."
Cloudcover nodded. "Yes, but that was all sorted out eventually, of course," he said.
"So, do you really travel all over Equestria to help ponies in love every day?" Applebloom asked.
Cloudcover smiled proudly. "Yes, there's a lot of adventure and strategy in this line of work. Being a shipping pony isn't as easy as it might sound; you have to be ready to work with any kind of pony, and to deal with a new situation every day."
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle exchanged glances. "Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" the earth filly asked her friends.
"That maybe we don't have our Cutie Marks because we're actually meant to be shipping ponies?" Sweetie suggested.
Applebloom grinned. "I think it might be time for the next Cutie Mark Crusade."
"Whoa, whoa, hold it!" Scootaloo interrupted, wedging herself between her two friends and forcing their huddle apart. "That would be the lamest thing ever! What kind of pony would want a cutie mark for a job like that? You girls know I hate all that gushy lovey-dubby stuff."
"But Scoot," Applebloom countered, "they mentioned adventures! We wouldn't just be helpin' ponies... we'd get to go to parts of Equestria we ain't ever seen before."
"And the helping ponies part isn't as mushy as that," Sweetie Belle added. "It sounds like fulfilling the other pony's request takes a lot of skill. You might even have to spy on the target pony to find out some crucial information. And we both know you like spying, right Scootaloo?"
Scootaloo shifted her weight. "Well... yeah, but-"
"Besides," Applebloom interrupted, "you always get to pick what we do to look for our Cutie Marks. We've been all over Ponyville, and done all sorts of crazy and dangerous things just because you suggested them. Can't Sweetie and I pick what we're doin' for once?"
Scootaloo sighed. "Fine, we'll give it a shot," she agreed, though she didn't look happy about it.
"Now hang on there, kids," Cloudcover said nervously. "I know you all have big plans in the works here, but you can't exactly just walk into town and expect to find a pony who needs relationship help."
Applebloom nodded. "Believe it or not, we've already learned that lesson..."
Pipsqueak's eyes lit up as he was suddenly struck with an idea. "Hey uncle Cloudcover!" he began. "What if we all go to Equestria Speedy Shipping Services! Do you think your boss would let the four of us come on an assignment with you?"
"What?!" Cloudcover gasped, backing up slightly. "Now Pip, I'm not sure that's a very good idea..."
"Aw, come on, Mr. Cloudcover!" Applebloom said. "The three of us won't be any trouble! Honest!"
"And if you let us come along, we might finally be able to find our Cutie Marks," Sweetie Belle added.
Cloudcover turned his head, glancing back and forth between the four eager foals. Finally, he hung his head in defeat.
"...Fine. After class we'll walk over and see what Dr. Candyfloss says."
I'm in the clear now, Cloudcover thought to himself. There's no way Candyfloss will think sending four foals along on a shipping assignment is a good idea!
Four foals smiled in excitement, and one pegasus buried his face in his hooves in sheer disbelief.
"But boss," Cloudcover attempted to argue, "just think about this. Shipping can be a very delicate profession. Do you really think sending four completely untrained foals along on a shipping assignment is a good idea?"
Candyfloss chuckled. "As I recall, Mr. Cloudcover, we all have to start somewhere," he pointed out. "When I sent you out on your first assignment all those years ago, did you have any prior experience?"
"Well, no... but-"
"And I believe your nephew has seen you at work in the past, so if anything, he's more prepared than you were on your first day!"
"But what about the others?" Cloudcover asked. "These three fillies... they don't know a thing about shipping!"
"What does it matter?" Candyfloss asked calmly. "It's not like we're sending them on their own assignment. They'll be chaperoned by an employee, of course."
"But they're only foals-"
"Yes, but foals are not inherently inept," Candyfloss argued. "They are often just in need of the right guidance. I'm confident that even foals could benefit from an experience like this, provided they are shown the proper process by a calm, level-headed instructor, such as you."
Cloudcover was unable to come up with a response.
"It's only one assignment, my friend," Candyfloss added softly. "It's not like we're hiring the lot of them permanently or anything, although I daresay if one of them turns out to have some natural talent for this, we could definitely make them a future prospect! But for now, it will provide a rich and educational experience for them."
Cloudcover sighed. There really was no way to win an argument with somepony like Candyfloss.
"Okay. I'll let them tag along."
"Excellent," Dr. Candyfloss said, beaming as he noticed the smiles on the faces of the four foals. "I already know Pipsqueak, but you three are Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, correct?"
The Crusaders nodded, and Candyfloss scribbled something briefly onto one of his records, and then tucked it away into his overflowing file cabinet. "I hereby dub the four of you temporary interns at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. Cloudcover is your direct superior, and you shall do whatever he says in regards to your shipping assignment. Is that clear?"
"Yes sir!" the Crusaders and Pipsqueak all chanted in unison.
"Very good," Candyfloss said, scrawling the address of the next client onto a sheet of paper and passing it to Cloudcover. "I wish all five of you the best of luck on today's assignment."
"Thank you, sir!" the four foals giggled as they trotted out of the room.
"Yeah... thanks a lot, boss," Cloudcover mumbled.
Candyfloss winked. "Don't be such a spoilsport, Cloudcover," he said. "You've been an employee here longer than any of your coworkers. I know you can handle this."
Cloudcover trotted up the steep pathway leading to the address Candyfloss had indicated, listening to the chatter of the four foals behind him. His stomach knotted as he thought of the potentially disastrous events that could come to pass once they reached their destination. The young ponies trotting along behind him seemed as eager as ever, unaware of his uneasiness. There was clearly no way out now; he would just have to trust Candyfloss's judgment and hope the four of them didn't completely ruin the assignment.
Cloudcover arrived at the house. "Well, here we are kids," he said uneasily.
The house seemed average enough, but it was situated near the edge of a steep cliff. Below was a vast valley, mostly hidden in shadow, since the city of Cloudsdale floated directly above.
"Cool," Scootaloo said, looking up at the cloudy citadel. "I wish the assignment was actually in Cloudsdale."
"Then what would the rest of us do?" Sweetie Belle asked. "You and Mr. Cloudcover are the only pegasi here."
"Oh, yeah," Scootaloo replied with a sheepish smile.
"The four of you just stay back there and let me talk to the client," Cloudcover instructed. "Then you can help."
Cloudcover reached up and pounded on the door with a hoof. A few seconds passed, and then suddenly the door was yanked open, revealing one of the most intimidating mares Cloudcover had ever laid eyes on.
The resident of the home was a pale purple pegasus with a wild, spiky, whitish mane and a shooting star as a Cutie Mark. Her purple eyes were outlined in a bit of dark makeup, which accentuated the glare she was giving her visitors.
"What do you want?" the mare asked irritably.
"Erm..." Cloudcover began, trying to regain the composure he had lost when he encountered the somewhat frightening mare, "...hello, ma'am. Did somepony at this address contacted Equestria Speedy Shipping Services?"
The mare's face contorted into barely concealed rage. "Excuse me one moment, sir," she said, quickly closing the door.
Cloudcover waited. Despite the fact that the door was now closed, the mare's voice was still clearly audible.
"Flitter! I told you not to call those guys! For the last time, I'm not in love and I don't need a stupid shipping service!"
There was a high pitched giggle. "Oh, stop pretending sis," came another new voice, which sounded considerably friendlier than the first one. "You're completely head over hooves for that stallion. Since you weren't going to do anything about it, I went ahead and did it for you. Now let the poor shippers in."
"No!"
"Fine, then I will."
Hoofsteps sounded behind the door, and it opened once again, this time revealing a much less disgruntled-looking pegasus mare. She had the same pale purple coat and eyes as the first mare, but her mane was a light aqua color and neatly brushed. Her Cutie Mark was a trio of dragonflies, and she wore a rather large pink bow atop her head.
"Ooh, hi there!" she said sweetly. "You must be from the shipping service! Come on in, and don't worry about what my sister says; she's just a little grumpy."
The other, more irritable mare, who was standing some feet away, narrowed her eyes.
The friendlier of the two glanced behind Cloudcover and noticed the presence of the foals. "Um... are they with you?" she asked.
Cloudcover nodded. "It's a sort of trial program," he explained. "I get to show my nephew and his three friends the ins and outs of this job."
The mare smiled. "Well in that case, why don't the five of you sit down in the living room, and I'll bring you some refreshments."
That got the attention of the Crusaders and Pipsqueak, and they darted past Cloudcover and into the house. A few moments later, the five of them were seated comfortably inside, as the cheerful mare approached with a fresh plate of cookies. She grinned as the foals dug in to the pile of sweets.
"My name's Flitter, by the way," the mare mentioned. "I actually called on behalf of my sister. She claims she doesn't need your help, but she does."
"I do not," came the sister's voice from the next room.
"Nice to meet you, Flitter," Cloudcover responded politely.
Flitter giggled. "Ooh, I love your accent," she laughed. "Wait, don't tell me... you're from Trottingham?"
"Why yes," Cloudcover replied, pleasantly surprised that another one of the locals recognized his accent. "Anyway, you can call me Cloudcover."
Flitter blinked in surprise. "Huh? You're name's Cloud...cover?"
"Yes... why?"
"Well, this might get a bit confusing," Flitter laughed. "My sister's name is Cloudchaser."
She frowned. "Speaking of which, why don't you show some common courtesy and get in here, Cloudchaser?" she called.
Cloudchaser walked slowly into the room and sat down across from her sister.
"So," said Applebloom through a mouthful of cookie. "Can you tell us any more about the assignment you called us over here for?"
"Sure," said Flitter, ignoring her sister's scowl. "Cloudchaser here really has it bad for this stallion named Thunderlane."
"You're acting like I'm obsessed with him!" Cloudchaser argued. "I just think he's cool, alright?"
"Whatever," said Flitter in a singsong tone. "So the problem is, Cloudchaser here is a little afraid to make a move and ask Thunderlane out herself, and now it might be too late."
"Too late? What do you mean?" Cloudcover asked.
"Well, recently Thunderlane's been spending a lot of time with this other mare who moved into Cloudsdale a few months ago named Blossomforth," Flitter explained. "There's no evidence that they're a couple yet, but they probably will be if Cloudchaser doesn't toughen up and ask him out first! But now she's even more worried because of the potential competition, so it's not likely that she'll work up the courage to ask him any time soon."
Flitter grinned mischievously. "Isn't that right, sis?"
Cloudchaser pushed her bangs out of her face. "Well... yeah, but so what? I just get a little nervous around Thunderlane. But who wouldn't? I can't help it that he's so fast and strong and suave and... uh..."
"And totally hot?" Flitter asked.
Cloudchaser blushed furiously. "Well... kinda..."
Flitter laughed again. "So, that's why we called you guys," she concluded, turning back to Cloudcover and his assistants. "Do you think you can set Cloudchaser up on a date with Thunderlane before Blossomforth steals him from under her nose?"
"Perhaps," Cloudcover answered. "But first we have to-"
"Oh, oh, I know this part!" Pipsqueak interrupted. "We can't take the assignment unless the actual client agrees, right?"
"Correct, Pip," Cloudcover said. "Miss Cloudchaser, I realize you are hesitant to accept our help, and we will not pursue this if you don't want us to, no matter what your sister says. Policy is policy, you know."
Cloudchaser sighed. "Well, you did come all the way out here," she admitted. "And I'm sure the little interns you have there would be disappointed if I rejected you. So... since Flitter is technically right about everything she said, I guess there's no harm in letting you-"
"Cutie Mark Crusader Shipping Ponies, YAY!" the Crusaders cried suddenly, startling the other assembled ponies. The three of them crowded around Cloudcover, and Scootaloo yanked Pipsqueak into their huddle as well.
"Okay, boss," Sweetie Belle said, "what's the plan?"
Cloudcover admired the eagerness of his interns, at least. "Alright, here's what I think we should do," he said. "Some of us are going to need to go to Cloudsdale and try to find out a little bit more about Thunderlane, as well as this Blossomforth we keep hearing about. We can't all go, since most of you can't walk on clouds, and I can't exactly carry the whole lot of you around on my back."
Cloudcover glanced over at Flitter, who was still standing across the room with her sister. "By the way Flitter, what can you tell me about this Blossomforth? What does she look like?"
"Oh, she's kind of a cutie," Flitter said. "You know, a little white pony, pink and green mane, flowers as a cutie mark."
"She sounds a bit more... uh... feminine than your sister," Cloudcover observed.
Both Flitter and Cloudchaser nodded.
"Maybe Thunderlane is more attracted to the more girly mares," Cloudcover suggested. "That gives me an idea."
He turned to the group of ponies gathered around him. "Girls, why don't you three stay here? I need you three and Flitter to, uh... give Cloudchaser a bit of a makeover."
Cloudchaser's eyes widened in panic.
"Nothing too extreme," Cloudcover said hastily. "It's just that currently, she's a bit... oh, how do I put this..."
"She looks like a total punk," Flitter said, ignoring her sister's glare.
"Well then, we just need to make her a bit less, um... punkish," said Cloudcover awkwardly. "You can handle that, right?"
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle nodded, but Scootaloo looked irate.
"Hang on there, buddy," the pegasus filly piped up. "There's no way I'm gonna sit here and help these two turn that awesome-looking pegasus into a pretty princess while you two go to the greatest city in Equestria without me! I'm coming to Cloudsdale too!"
Cloudcover put a hoof to his chin. "Come to think of it, having another pegasus along could be useful," he admitted.
"Exactly," Scootaloo said. "I can help you guys get some good dirt on Thunderlane and Blossomforth!"
"Alright, it's settled then," Cloudcover said. "Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Flitter will help Cloudchaser get herself looking a bit more presentable, while Pipsqueak, Scootaloo, and I head to Cloudsdale. We'll meet back here later."
"We've got everything under control here," Flitter said, winking slyly in Cloudcover's direction. "Just take those two and go do what you need to do."
Cloudchaser glanced rapidly between her sister and the shippers. "Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling about this?" she asked uneasily.
"Too late for second thoughts!" Flitter giggled. "Operation Thunderlane is underway!"
"You two are... whew... heavier than I thought," Cloudcover gasped as he beat his wings furiously to try to lift himself and the two foals on his back up to the edge of Cloudsdale.
"I can get off once we get there," Scootaloo pointed out. "I can walk on clouds just fine! I just... can't fly."
Cloudcover sighed with relief at the thought. A few strenuous minutes later, he finally landed on the fluffy outer rim of the city, where he collapsed for a few moments to catch his breath. Scootaloo hopped off and looked around the city in awe.
"Aw, yeah! This place is every bit as cool as I'd hoped!" she said excitedly. "I've wanted to visit Cloudsdale for ages!"
"No time for sightseeing, I'm afraid," said Cloudcover, groaning slightly as he staggered to his feet with Pipsqueak still on his back. "We need to find this Thunderlane fellow."
He frowned. "Unfortunately, I'm not exactly sure what he looks like," he admitted sheepishly.
"Oh, I know who he is!" Scootaloo announced, hopping around excitedly. "I've seen him around Ponyville before. He's easy to spot."
Scootaloo ran off toward the center of town, and Cloudcover, with no other real option, trotted along behind. The filly stopped very suddenly, and he only just barely managed to avoid crashing into her.
"Shh! There he is!" Scootaloo whispered. "I don't have any good disguises in my saddlebag, so these will have to do for now!"
Scootaloo handed two pairs of ridiculously large sunglasses to Cloudcover, motioning for him to pass one along to Pipsqueak. Cloudcover decided it was better not to question the filly's logic for now.
Once he had donned the 'clever disguise', Cloudcover looked at the pony Scootaloo was indicating. He was a very athletic looking pegasus indeed, with a dark coat and mohawk-style mane. He looked tough and headstrong; a strangely perfect match for Cloudchaser, at least in appearance. But yet, this stallion was supposedly spending time with a much more ladylike mare.
"What do we need to do now that we've found him?" Pipsqueak whispered to his uncle.
"I'm not sure," Cloudcover responded. "It would be more useful if we could see what he does when he encounters the other mare in question."
"Oh, hey Blossomforth," Thunderlane said, smiling at a cheery-looking mare that had just exited a nearby market.
Cloudcover blinked in surprise. "Well, that simplifies things, doesn't it?"
"Hi there, Thunderlane!" Blossomforth giggled. "So, are you ready to hang out tomorrow?"
"Am I ever!" Thunderlane said enthusiastically. "We're gonna have a whole day of fun, I promise!"
"I can't wait," Blossomforth replied. "I just hope you're not planning to make me pay for you again."
"Come on, Blossom, what do you take me for?" Thunderlane said, feigning offence. "I told you I'd pay you back. So I'm paying for everything tomorrow. I'll even buy you dinner."
"Aw, that's so sweet," Blossomforth replied. "So... see you tomorrow morning then?"
"Totally," Thunderlane agreed. "Later Blossom."
"Bye," Blossomforth called as she and Thunderlane trotted in opposite directions.
Cloudcover and his two assistants stood in the shadows, watching their target disappear down another cloudy causeway.
"Um... are we too late?" Pipsqueak asked hesitantly. "It kind of sounds like those two are going on a date tomorrow."
"Yes, it would seem our client has waited a little too long," Cloudcover agreed as he removed the ridiculous glasses Scootaloo had insisted he wear. "It's regrettable, but we should probably just go tell Cloudchaser to give up on this one."
"What? Give up? Already?!" Scootaloo cried suddenly. "I thought you shipping ponies were tougher than that!"
"But Scootaloo, you heard that conversation," Cloudcover sighed. "Don't you think it would be a bit strange to set Cloudchaser up with a pony who has a date with a different mare tomorrow?"
"Do you know it's a date? I didn't hear the word date!" Scootaloo insisted. "I know I said you shipping ponies have kind of a lame job, but it's even lamer if you don't at least try to fulfill your client's request! If there's one thing Rainbow Dash has taught me, it's that you should never give up, no matter how bad the outlook is!"
Cloudcover stepped back, a bit shocked by the filly's fortitude. For a moment, he was unable to reply.
"Maybe Scoot's got a point," Pipsqueak added. "We don't know for sure that Thunderlane wouldn't even consider it. We could try, at least."
Cloudcover laughed softly. "Well... alright," he agreed. "I suppose we are giving up too easily here. Cloudchaser is willing to go for it, so we should be too. Let's go leave an anonymous note for Thunderlane; that should get him to show up for a date with Cloudchaser tonight. Then we'll just have to leave things to fate; if he's already together with Blossomforth, then it will become apparent when he arrives."
He sighed, despite the grins of approval from Pipsqueak and Scootaloo. "I just hope this isn't going to be completely pointless," he added. "I wonder if Flitter and the other fillies are doing a good job down there."
Cloudcover turned around and began to trot back toward the edge of Cloudsdale.
"Is it too late to change my mind about all this?" Cloudchaser asked weakly.
"Yes," said Flitter, smiling devilishly. "I have been waiting a long time for a chance to make you look less ridiculous. I'm not letting you get away from me this time!"
Cloudchaser rolled her eyes. "Glad to hear you approve of my fashion sense, sis..." she grumbled sarcastically.
She shifted uncomfortably, but was unable to make any move to escape; Flitter had anticipated her sister having second thoughts about the situation, and decided the best way to deal with that was to simply tie her to a chair.
In retrospect, it was probably a smart move on Flitter's part, Cloudchaser realized. If I wasn't bound, I definitely wouldn't still be here.
"Relax, Miss Cloudchaser," Applebloom said absently as she unrolled some ribbon. "It ain't gonna be all that bad. We're just gonna make a couple of changes to your mane and tail to make you look a little more respectable-like. And Sweetie Belle's sister is a fashion designer, so she's prob'ly got an eye for that sort of thing. I bet she can pick out somethin' lyin' around here that'll look great on you!"
"Um, Applebloom?" Sweetie Belle cut in. "Rarity hardly ever lets me even get near most of her fashion supplies, remember?"
"Well, let's get started," Applebloom said, ignoring Sweetie Belle's argument entirely. "Now, where's those scissors?"
"Wait, you're going to be actually cutting my mane?" Cloudchaser asked, clearly panicked.
"Naw, I'm not that confident," Applebloom replied. "I jus' need the scissors for this here stubborn ribbon."
The filly yanked on the colorful strand a few more times before Sweetie Belle finally managed to locate the scissors.
Cloudchaser's view of the fillies' antics was suddenly obscured as Flitter applied a wet bit of cloth to her face.
"Hey! What're you doing?"
"Hold still," Flitter said crossly. "I'm just trying to get that dark makeup around your eyes off of you. Now stop squirming or it's gonna smear."
Cloudchaser snorted and sat still, trying not to fidget as she felt Applebloom tying some part of her mane with the now neatly cut ribbon.
"Sweetie Belle," Flitter began. "My closet's in the next room. Why don't you see if you can find something nice for Cloudchaser to wear?"
"Well... okay" said Sweetie hesitantly as she trotted into the next room. She opened Flitter's closet and stared up at the array of dresses.
Okay... Sweetie thought, tapping a hoof against her chin. I need to think like Rarity here. If I was making a dress for a pony like Cloudchaser, what would I want it to look like?
Sweetie Belle scanned the rack, her eyes eventually settling on a simple, pale yellow outfit. It was not particularly frilly, but then again, she assumed Cloudchaser would probably not appreciate something too elaborate anyway. Hoping she'd seen enough of her older sister's work to trust her own judgment, she grabbed the dress and scurried back to Cloudchaser's room.
"Oh, that's perfect!" Flitter squealed as soon as Sweetie entered. "Here, let's put it on her."
Cloudchaser was finally released from the chair. She just sighed as her sister forced the dress over her head.
"There!" Flitter announced, standing back and admiring her handiwork. "Look in the mirror. What do you think?"
Cloudchaser turned around and glanced into the mirror. For a moment, she wasn't even sure it was her own reflection staring back at her. Her spiky mane had been carefully groomed so that the usually unruly bangs now formed a nicely rounded style. The spikes on top had been flattened down as well, and the back straightened. Even her tail had been groomed; it looked longer and silkier than she had remembered it, and the ribbon Applebloom had tied near the tip caused it to curl up at the end.
The dress fit nicely, and the removal of her heavily applied eyeliner had indeed softened her usually harsh appearance. Cloudchaser tried, but she couldn't quite bring herself to hate the new look. It was definitely different then her usual appearance, sure, but she felt strangely attractive nonetheless.
"This... this isn't bad..." she mumbled, wincing slightly at her sister's resulting arrogant grin. "You think Thunderlane will like it?"
Flitter scoffed. "Sis, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a stallion that wouldn't like it."
The sound of several sets of hooves approached, signaling the return of Cloudcover.
"Okay, ladies," he said as he trotted into the bedroom. "We've set up a blind date for Cloudchaser and Thunderlane tonight at the... dear Celestia, you look different."
Cloudchaser nodded. "Yeah, thanks for noticing," she said curtly.
Cloudcover blushed. "I... perhaps that came out rather disrespectfully," he stammered. "You look great. Your sister did a fine job."
Flitter giggled. "Aww, thanks!" she chirped. "But the girls were a big help too."
"Yes, you're all good at feeling awesome about yourselves," Cloudchaser deadpanned. "Now what was that about Thunderlane?"
Cloudcover collected himself. "Yes, um... we slipped Thunderlane an anonymous note. He's expecting to meet a date tonight at that trendy place in town called The Corral. But you should be aware that we overheard him speaking with Blossomforth, and it sounds like the two of them may already be in a relationship."
Cloudchaser sighed. "I thought something like that might have happened," she admitted. "Maybe it is too late."
"Don't worry, sis! He'll forget all about Blossom once he sees you!" Flitter said. "Come on, let's go! And don't worry, we'll be right behind you!"
"This is really uncomfortable..." Sweetie Belle remarked.
"Shh," Applebloom said. "I know it's a bit cramped, but we have to deal with it if we want to keep an eye on Miss Cloudchaser!"
Cloudcover, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Pipsqueak, and Flitter were all crammed into a small booth in the back corner of The Corral, where they could discreetly watch Cloudchaser's date. Unfortunately, the tiny booths were not meant for quite so many ponies. Cloudcover shifted uneasily as Flitter's flank brushed against his.
"So now what do we do, uncle Cloudcover?" Pipsqueak asked quietly.
"Nothing, really," Cloudcover replied, glad for some actual conversation to lighten the awkwardness. "We've done our part. Now we have to wait and see if Cloudchaser's date is successful."
He stared across the restaurant, where Cloudchaser sat nervously at another table, waiting. After a few moments, Thunderlane entered the restaurant, and looked toward the table indicated on the note he had received. He raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"This is it," Cloudcover whispered. "Let's see what he says to her."
Thunderlane approached the table as if in a trance. The two ponies stared at one another for a few rather awkward seconds.
"Hi," Cloudchaser finally managed.
"Hey Cloudchaser," Thunderlane said. "So... you're my dinner guest?"
"Yeah," the mare responded. "I mean, if that's cool with you..."
"It's cool," said Thunderlane, sitting down. "I just thought... I mean, it was kind of a surprise, that's all."
From their vantage point, Cloudcover and the others were unable to hear most of what was said, but judging by appearances, the date did not appear to become any more comfortable with time. Cloudchaser appeared to be attempting to start a conversation again and again, but each time, Thunderlane's curt answer would instantly settle the matter, and the pair would decline into silence once again.
"This isn't going well at all, is it?" Flitter whispered.
"I don't think so," Cloudcover replied. "But then again, if Thunderlane is actually dating Blossomforth, having dinner with another mare he knows must be at least somewhat awkward for him."
"I guess it really is true," Flitter said wearily. "I thought maybe he and Blossomforth weren't actually together yet, but judging by how he's acting..."
Flitter quieted suddenly as Cloudchaser and Thunderlane, having finished their meal, stood up.
"Well, uh... thanks for the meal," said Thunderlane, plastering a fake smile across his snout. "We'll have to do it again sometime."
Cloudchaser stared at her date for a few moments, and then shook her head. "Nah, forget it," she said. "I can tell you had a lousy time anyway."
"I didn't have a lousy time!" said Thunderlane defensively. "Dinner was great. Really!"
Cloudchaser laughed darkly. "Nice try. You spent the whole meal trying to end the conversation. You're desperate to get away from me. So go ahead."
Thunderlane shook his head. "No, it's not like that! I was just a little distracted."
"By what?"
Cloudchaser mentally prepared herself for the moment when Thunderlane spilled the beans and admitted to his relationship with Blossomforth. Surprisingly, he said something totally different.
"I've known you for a long time, Cloudchaser," he continued, "...so, no offence, but I was kind of surprised to see you in public looking, uh... well, like that."
Cloudchaser's mouth dangled open slightly. "Wait, so... does that mean you like it, or..."
"It looks great," said Thunderlane quickly. "It's just, y'know, I'm more used to seeing you looking a little... tougher, I guess. It suits you better."
Cloudchaser's eyes widened. "I uh... I gotta agree with you there," she admitted. "I just kind of thought you were more into the girly look, so I got dressed up a little."
Thunderlane raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you get that idea?" he asked incredulously.
Cloudchaser bit her lip. "Well uh... I heard some stuff about Blossomforth, and-"
"Blossomforth?" Thunderlane asked. "What's she got to do with anything? Just because we're cousins doesn't mean we have to have the same ideas on style."
Cloudchaser gasped. "W-wait. Blossomforth's your cousin?"
Thunderlane nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "Since she moved into the area, she's been hanging with me since she doesn't know a whole lot of other pegasi yet. She's pretty cool though; the two of us are going to the amusement park tomorrow."
He frowned. "Although, I gotta pay for both our admissions, since I forgot to bring any money the last time the two of us went anywhere."
His expression brightened. "Say, since you thought this dinner was kind of a bust, maybe you could come along too to make up for it? And Blossom totally wouldn't mind the extra company."
Cloudchaser actively worked to prevent the huge, dopey smile that was attempting to spread across her face. "Sure, sounds like fun," she replied, managing to retain a calm tone of voice.
"Awesome," Thunderlane said. "You and I can hang out for real, then."
His smile shrank for a moment. "You, uh... you are ditching the new look, right?" he asked.
Cloudchaser responded by tearing the ribbon out of her hair and shaking her mane until it resembled its original state. "Better?" she asked.
"Better," Thunderlane agreed. "See ya tomorrow, Cloudchaser."
"Bye," she called after the stallion as he trotted out the door.
A few seconds of silence followed, and then the sound of several sets of hooves approached. Cloudchaser turned around and came nose to nose with her beaming sister.
"See?" Flitter said. "I told you this was a good idea! If you hadn't gone and tried something, you would still think Blossomforth was Thunderlane's marefriend, when really, she was just his cousin!"
"I have to admit, I hadn't expected that outcome," Cloudcover added. "But I suppose this means the assignment was successful after all."
The Cutie Mark Crusaders all gasped at the word 'success' and quickly checked their flanks. Alas, there were still no cutie marks to be found, but at this point, they were hardly deterred by that result.
The seven ponies exited the restaurant, trotting out into the late afternoon sunlight. Cloudchaser hesitated before turning to Cloudcover and the foals.
"I... want to apologize for being such a jerk," she said. "I haven't been very cooperative, but if you guys hadn't persisted, I never would have gotten a first date with Thunderlane, let alone a second one tomorrow."
"Think nothing of it," Cloudcover insisted. "As always, I'm glad I could help, and I think the kids were just as thrilled to be a part of it."
"Yeah, I guess," said Scootaloo. "I still think this whole business isn't for me though."
"Me neither," Sweetie Belle added. "It's too stressful."
"That makes three of us," Applebloom said. "C'mon girls, let's go try something else for our Cutie Marks!"
"YAY!" the other fillies chanted, and together, the three of them took off down the streets of Ponyville.
"Don't worry, uncle Cloudcover," Pipsqueak said. "I still think you've got the best job ever."
"Thanks, Pip," Cloudcover said. "You're a bright young kid; maybe you'll grow up to be a shipping pony someday, too."
"Maybe!" Pipqueak agreed. "But for now, I've got some homework that needs to get finished. See you later, Uncle Cloudcover!"
Cloudcover watched his nephew disappear, leaving him alone with Flitter and Cloudchaser.
"By the way..." Flitter giggled sauntering up next to Cloudcover, "while we're still on the topic of shipping, I can't help but wonder... are you doing anything tomorrow, Cloudcover?"
Flitter fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously. Cloudcover blushed, and Cloudchaser just groaned disbelivingly.
Flitter stuck her tongue out at her sister. "Hey, at least I can be direct when somepony catches my fancy!" she argued. "If you could do that, we wouldn't have had to go through all this trouble."
Cloudchaser snorted. "Whatever. Go ahead and flirt then," she grumbled.
Flitter ignored her, instead turning back to Cloudcover. Her flank bumped into his again, and this time, he was quite sure it was intentional.
"Great, see you then," Flitter said with a laugh, before turning and flying off with her sister. Cloudcover watched them for a moment before taking off himself. Candyfloss would be expecting a report on the new couple, but he'd probably be delighted to hear about this little development as well.
Cloudcover flew in the opposite direction, listening to the barely audible conversation between the two sisters.
Ponyville was not a town full of early risers. Usually, when the sun had barely poked its upper rim over the horizon, the small town's residents were still fast asleep. But, as usual, one aging white unicorn was already wide awake, and humming contently to himself as he trotted through the front door of the small business he owned.
Dr. Candyfloss, owner and C.E.O. of Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, had always enjoyed the peace that came with the early morning. By nature, Candyfloss was a calm, level-headed type of pony, but in a town like Ponyville, excitement was never far away. At least, not once its residents had awoken.
Candyfloss settled into the large, comfortable chair in his small office and checked the clock. It would still be a short while until his employees arrived, and possibly a lengthy amount of time after that until the first call of the day came in. So, as always, the morning newspaper would help to pass the time.
Candyfloss lifted the morning's news in front of his face and began to read the article that took up most of the front page.
Royal Couple Return from Honeymoon
Yesterday, the city of Canterlot celebrated the return of the royal couple, Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, from their lengthy honeymoon. Ponies gathered from all around Canterlot, as well as the neighboring towns, to welcome the Princess and the captain of the Canterlot guard back home. The couple will be spending a few days in Canterlot to visit Princess Celestia and enjoy some of the city's popular amenities before returning to Cadance's home in the neighboring kingdom.
"I'm so glad to see them back, and happy to hear that they enjoyed themselves," says Ponyville resident and sister of the groom, Twilight Sparkle. "My brother and Cadance are two of the most wonderful ponies I know, so seeing their new relationship as husband and wife working out so well leaves me feeling a sense of joy as well."
Princess Cadance, although she does not rule from Canterlot, seems to receive an especially warm welcome whenever she visits. The Princess's charming personality, selflessness, and humility lead her to be adored by all, and the use of her special love magic brings joy to many Canterlot residents. She has recently-
Candyfloss stopped reading abruptly, and slowly reread the last paragraph.
...and the use of her special love magic brings joy to many Canterlot residents...
...the use of her special love magic...
For a moment, Candyfloss sat quite still, as the meaning of the sentence slowly made itself apparent in his thoughts. Was this article implying that Princess Cadance was able to use her magical abilities to create love between ponies?
The implications of such a power, and the magnitude of the effect it would have on Equestria's delicate balance of love...
Candyfloss gripped the corners of his desk for a moment as the reality of what was written in front of him hit him like a ton of bricks. He sat there quivering for a few seconds, his mind racing.
Everything I've discovered, and everything I've passed on to others about the delicate art of shipping... the ethics, the sincerity, the absolute care and dedication required to properly fan the first flames of true love... can all that really be bypassed by magic?!
Candyfloss steadied himself and took a slow, deep breath. Get a hold of yourself Candyfloss, he thought. Perhaps it's a misunderstanding. Maybe it's just a simple misinterpretation of what is really a completely harmless and benign ability. There's no sense in getting all worked up over one newspaper article. After all, it could be nothing at all.
Or it could be evidence of a pony with the power to redefine the very meaning of love.
The sound of hooves outside the office shook the old unicorn from his thoughts. The door creaked open, and a bright yellow earth pony poked his head in.
"Morning, boss!" Watt said loudly. "How are you?"
"Fine," Candyfloss lied. "Watt, get in here. I need your assistance for a bit."
Watt stepped into the office. "Uh, sure. Whaddya need?"
"I... I have some sudden, urgent business to attend to," Candyfloss said. "I know it's unorthodox, but I need to leave the office for a few hours, and I need someone to handle the manager position until I get back."
Watt produced an enormous grin. The expression made Candyfloss a bit uncomfortable.
"Erm... you don't suppose the others will be here soon, do you?" the unicorn asked.
Watt shook his head. "Nuh-uh. It's still early," he insisted. "But I could handle your job until you get back!"
Candyfloss sighed. "Under normal circumstances, I would have to decline that offer, but there is a matter of severe urgency which I must investigate. So, I suppose it couldn't do too much harm if you were to-"
"Alright!" Watt cried, cutting Candyfloss off. "Don't you worry about a thing, boss! I'll be the best temporary crazy enigmatic shipping guru manager ever!"
Candyfloss snorted indignantly. "Well, yes, I'm sure you'll do your best, Watt..." he said slowly. "All you have to do is answer the phone, write down the address the client gives, and send one of the others out to meet them. Can you handle that?"
"Piece of cake!" Watt replied. "I got in all under control, boss. Really. Just run along and have fun tending to your emergency. I'll hold down the fort until you get back."
Candyfloss raised an eyebrow. "Well... alright. I'm counting on you, Watt."
The unicorn rose to his hooves and trotted toward the door. Watt leapt over the desk and collided with the large swivel-chair, sending it into a series of spins from the force of the impact.
As Candyfloss trotted down the hall, he heard the phone ring in his office. Watt picked it up almost immediately.
"Hello! Welcome to Equestria Speedy Shipping Services! May I take your order?"
Candyfloss shuddered and hurried out of the building before he had the chance to change his mind.
There was a soft knock at the door of Ponyville library. It was unusual for library patrons to come so early, but Twilight Sparkle didn't mind. She trotted to the front door.
"Welcome, sir," she said as the unicorn behind the door entered her front room. "Can I help you find anything?"
"Ah, I'm not here to check out a book, actually," the visitor explained. "I've come searching for a mare named Twilight Sparkle. Am I to assume that I am speaking with her right now?"
Twilight nodded. "Well, yes, but... who are you? I don't recall ever meeting you before."
"Allow me to introduce myself," the unicorn said. "My name is Dr. Candyfloss. I run a small business here in Ponyville, and I've come only to seek a bit of information from you, miss Sparkle."
He cleared this throat. "My apologies if this is an intrusive question, but are you familiar with Princess Cadance?"
"Of course!" Twilight said, grinning. "Cadance is my sister-in-law now."
"And I'm sure she's a wonderful addition to the family," Candyfloss said. "I just had one small question about her; a minor curiosity, nothing more."
Despite his highly polite demeanor, Candyfloss suddenly looked very serious.
"Miss Sparkle, I wonder if you might explain the basis of Princess Cadance's magical abilities to me."
"Oh, uh... sure," said Twilight, slightly taken aback by the unexpected question. "Cadance has the amazing ability to spread love with her magical power. I've seen ponies screaming at each other one moment, and then laughing and hugging one another the next. It's really amazing to see a pony with that kind of ability, and heartwarming to see her using it to..."
Twilight stopped, and cocked her head questioningly; the unicorn in front of her seemed to have become lost in his own thoughts, and his expression now looked somewhat upset.
"Um, sir? Are you okay?" she asked concernedly.
"I'm fine," said Candyfloss a little too quickly. "Thank you, miss Sparkle; that's the clarification I was looking for."
"No problem," Twilight said. "Now, Spike's making breakfast. Would you like to stay for some-"
"No no, I really must be going," Candyfloss interrupted. "I'm sorry, but I have some very important business to attend to. Immediately."
"But-" Twilight tried to argue, but she was cut off as Candyfloss disappeared in a flash of magic, leaving her standing alone in the front room.
The ponies on the train to Canterlot shifted uncomfortably and cast nervous glances at the strange unicorn mumbling to himself. Candyfloss was oblivious to their stares, though; he was far too engrossed in analyzing what Princess Cadance and her magic meant for his ideals, his career, and the very definition of love.
"Bringing ponies together through magical manipulation," he muttered under his breath. "I can't believe anypony would be born with such an ability at all, let alone proceed to use it on a whim. How can she justify the artificial creation of a relationship? Love has always been one of the most powerful forces in the world; it serves to bring the correct pair of ponies together as a couple, and it is in those carefully chosen relationships that ponies are happiest and most productive. If love can be forced between any pair of ponies, the wrong sorts of relationships form, and ultimately, society would be the worse for it. Given enough improper matches, eventually the meaning of love will become fundamentally different."
Candyfloss clapped his front hooves together. "I've got to see this for myself," he continued, indifferent to the ponies bothered by his ongoing soliloquy. "I just can't allow myself to believe that one pony... and a princess, no less... could single-hoofedly bring about the downfall of one of Equestria's most sacred and fundamental forces."
The train rumbled as it ground to a halt in Canterlot station. Most of the ponies disembarked as quickly as possible. Candyfloss trod slowly out of the car and glanced down the bright streets of the capitol.
Now, where to begin? the stallion asked himself. Canterlot is a big city; I'll need some information of I want to locate this Cadance.
Candyfloss trotted out of the station and into town, not sure what to do. After all, it was unlikely any random pony on the street would happen to know Cadance's location at that exact moment.
The newspaper had said something about Cadance visiting Canterlot with the intent to enjoy some of the attractions it had to offer. So the shopping and dining district uptown was as good a place as any to start.
Soon it was afternoon, and Candyfloss was losing his patience. He trotted tiredly down a street lined with some of Canterlot's fanciest restaurants, watching the activity as the lunch hour brought many customers. Still, there was no sign of Cadance.
"What I wouldn't give to be a pegasus sometimes," the stallion mumbled to himself. "Perhaps I should have brought one of my employees along to assist my search."
A loud voice above suddenly caught Candyfloss's attention. He stared up at the balcony of one of the eateries, where two of the diners had suddenly broken into a heated argument.
"I don't care!" the stallion on the balcony roared. "We are not buying it! Stop being so selfish!"
"Oh, I'm the selfish one?" the mare arguing with him shot back indignantly. "You're the one who just got a huge raise, aren't you? You're probably planning to spend it all on those stupid baubles you collect, instead of something useful!"
"Don't tell me what to do! I'll spend my hard-earned bits on what I please!"
There was a sudden bluish flash, and both ponies stopped arguing instantly, blinking as if they weren't sure what had just happened.
"You know," the stallion said quietly, "maybe you're right. I do spend a little too much on my collection."
"No, I've been too harsh as well," the mare admitted. "Perhaps we can find a reasonable solution. Maybe we could purchase a less expensive model, so there's some left over for you? That way, we could both get what we want."
The stallion nodded. "That's reasonable. I'm sorry for yelling."
"Me too," the mare replied, smiling sheepishly.
The two ponies leaned across the table they shared and exchanged a small kiss.
Dumbfounded, Candyfloss turned his head, staring up at another table at the balcony, where a pink mare in royal regalia sat. She smiled briefly as she turned away from the couple and returned to her lunch.
Cadance had struck again.
For a moment, Candyfloss felt rather weak; his worst fears about Cadance appeared to be completely true. He stood paralyzed, wondering precisely what he had to do now that he had found the pony committing a grave sin against true love.
Candyfloss teleported up onto the roof of the restaurant, keeping himself hidden low against the shingles and he carefully peered over the edge to get a closer look at Cadance. To his surprise, she was not the only one at her table. From his vantage point on the street below, Candyfloss hadn't been able to see the stallion seated across from her; bedecked in a red uniform and adorned with the royal seal, it was obvious that this was her recent husband, Shining Armor.
"That really works well," Shining Armor said. "Every time I see you do that, I'm amazed. It's like they were never even arguing."
Cadance giggled. "Yep, those two will find it a lot easier to agree for quite a while," she replied. "After all, love is stronger than any negative emotions are."
Yes, it is, Candyfloss thought to himself. But if you just replace anger with artificial love, its meaning is lost.
"Come on," Shining Armor said. "We should probably head over to the castle to see Celestia before it gets too late."
"Good idea," Cadance agreed. "I hope she hasn't planned a big welcome-back party or anything, though. I've had enough pomp and circumstance since arriving back in Canterlot."
She sighed. "That's the life of a princess, though. I guess I should get used to it."
"Hey, Celestia's a princess too," Shining Armor pointed out as the couple rose from their seats. "She knows how you feel, so maybe she hasn't planned any obnoxious formal ceremony after all."
Cadance grinned. "You have a point," she admitted.
Candyfloss watched them exit, bound for the castle, which he would obviously not be allowed to enter.
I need a plan, and I need it fast! he thought wildly. What can I say or do to prevent Cadance from using that awful magic? If I don't confront her soon, I'll never get the chance!
Candyfloss teleported once again, this time appearing in an alleyway, from which he watched Cadance and Shining Armor meander toward the castle. Unaware of his presence, they continued their trot.
For a few minutes, Candyfloss moved from hiding spot to hiding spot, watching the princess as he tried desperately to think of a plan. It wouldn't be easy to convince a pony to ignore her own special talent, even if it was a horrendous one like that.
As Candyfloss teleported to another rooftop, he heard the loud voices of a pair of ponies on the street below. Another argument had broken out between two ponies over something frivolous, and to Candyfloss's horror, Cadance seemed to have taken notice.
"Hang on, dear," she said to Shining Armor. "Let me take care of these two."
Candyfloss panicked, crawling around on the roof of the building as he searched for something, anything to cause a distraction. His stomach twisted at the thought of standing by helplessly as Cadance once again used her magic to create artificial love.
The stallion spied a loose brick dangling from the chimney on the roof on which he was perched. Quickly, he engulfed it in magic and tossed it to the street below, hoping to convince the ponies down there that the structure was unsafe. Perhaps this would cause Cadance to move away from the building and the arguing ponies.
A stupid plan, yes, but he had nothing else to go on, and this was an emergency.
Candyfloss hid himself from view at the base of the chimney as he heard the brick clatter harmlessly to the street. The voices below quieted somewhat. Candyfloss grinned; perhaps his distraction had bought him a little time.
A shadow loomed over the unicorn, and he turned around.
The chimney was a bit older and more unstable than Candyfloss had realized, and without the aid of the now missing brick, it was losing its ability to hold its own weight. Candyfloss gasped as it teetered dangerously, about to crash down on the roof right where he stood.
At the very last moment, Candyfloss worked up the strength to teleport away, reappearing on another rooftop across the street. The chimney toppled, first smashing into the roof and then sending a shower of bricks and shingles onto the street below...
...and directly toward Princess Cadance.
Candyfloss squeezed his eyes shut in terror as the princess's terrified scream pierced the air. There was an enormous crash and a few shocked gasps, then silence.
Cautiously, Candyfloss opened one eye, chancing a glance at the rubble-covered street.
Shining Armor stood between Cadance and the building, a wall of magic shimmering in front of him as the last few bricks slid harmlessly off. Cadance cowered behind him, only just realizing that she'd been saved from the avalanche of masonry by her husband's quick thinking.
Candyfloss breathed a sigh of relief. And, in a way, his plan had worked; the arguing ponies had ceased their conversation to stare at the wreckage in stunned silence.
Candyfloss's sense of victory didn't last long; his smile faded as the situation fell into perspective.
I... I almost accidentally assassinated the Princess...
Shining Armor's magical shield flickered and disappeared. He stood still for a moment, gazing at the roof as if checking for any more falling debris. Then her turned and faced the street, Candyfloss couldn't quite make out his expression from his hiding place.
Suddenly, Shining Armor tilted his head back, firing a burst of magic into the sky. Once high enough, the little spark erupted into a gigantic magical shield, which quickly extended downwards, covering the entire dining district of Canterlot.
"Alright, listen up everypony!" Shining Armor yelled, catching the attention of all the surrounding citizens who hadn't already been mesmerized by the sudden appearance of the shield. "What just happened here was no accident; there's an assassin among us. My best guess is that it's a changeling; another one of those shifty creatures must have snuck back into Canterlot, disguised as a pony."
Shining Armor scowled. "I should have guessed those brutes were going to be looking for revenge on us," he mumbled to Cadance.
Cadance just glanced around nervously, as if expecting the changeling queen herself to come bursting out of the nearest luncheonette.
"Now, nopony can get past the shield," Shining Armor explained, "so all of you are staying right here until we root out the villain. He or she is definitely still inside the barrier."
Candyfloss slowly crawled backwards, edging away from Shining Armor. Once he was certain he was out of sight of anypony around him, he teleported down to street level.
Well, this is a sticky situation I've gotten myself into, Candyfloss thought nervously. I never meant to harm anypony, of course. Yet, I fear it would be difficult to explain that to Shining Armor after nearly dropping a half-ton of bricks on his wife.
Although a building now separated Candyfloss from Shining Armor, the guard captain's commanding voice was still clearly audible.
"Now, it'll make this easier if everypony within the shield wall simply comes forward for investigation," he continued. "Most of you are perfectly innocent, and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The quicker we do the inspections, the quicker we can find the assassin, and then you can all go home."
"There must be a way out of here," Candyfloss mumbled to himself, turning around and placing a hoof against the magical shield. "I expect I'll be in a whole lot of trouble if Shining Armor discovers my involvement in this incident..."
Candyfloss decided to try the most obvious solution; since he couldn't pass through the barrier, maybe he could teleport to the other side.
There was the usual flash of magic, but, to Candyfloss's displeasure, he hadn't moved an inch. Even worse, the barrier had detected the attempt at being magically breached, and a whole region of it surrounding Candyfloss had changed color to indicate that.
"Over there!" came another voice. "It must be the changeling, trying to escape!"
Panicked, Candyfloss searched for any method of escape, but the other ponies within the shield rounded the corner to his location within seconds, Shining Armor at the head of the group.
"Disguised as a gentle old unicorn, eh?" Shining Armor asked. "Very impressive; nopony would have suspected a thing if you didn't try to kill Cadance."
"N-now sir," Candyfloss stuttered. "I believe you've g-got it all wrong. I'm no changeling; this is all just an unfortunate misunderstanding."
He chuckled nervously. Shining Armor raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not buying it," he said gruffly. "If you're innocent, why'd you try to escape my barrier?"
"Well, it's... rather a funny story, actually..." Candyfloss said. "You see, I was concerned, per se. I was afraid you might misunderstand..."
Candyfloss's nervous chuckle rose an octave as Shining Armor took a few steps closer.
"You see, I... erm... I wasn't trying to hurt anypony, but perhaps from your point of view, my actions, which were quite accidental, mind you... might be misconstrued as an attack-"
"You tried to crush my wife!" Shining Armor snarled. "I don't think I'm 'misconstruing' anything, you old windbag!"
"But-"
"That's enough out of you," Shining Armor said, cutting Candyfloss off. "If you won't reveal your changeling form, so be it. I'll fight you as you are."
"F-Fight?" Candyfloss squeaked, his voice rising to a pitch he wasn't aware it could reach. "No, no, I don't want any trouble! Please, there's a simple explanation for all of this madness, I assure you-"
"Save it," Shining Armor said. "Get over here; we need to go out on the street where there's enough room. And then I'm going to make you regret coming back to Canterlot."
Candyfloss swallowed hard, and slowly followed Shining Armor out to the street. The other ponies who had been unfortunate enough to be trapped within the bounds of Shining Armor's shield all glared, causing the old unicorn to feel rather like a criminal being led to his sentence.
Once the two reached the widest street within the magical dome, Shining Armor turned and faced his foe.
"Well, go ahead. Make a move," Shining Armor goaded. "Last time we dealt with you creatures, you were eager to attack everypony around you. So what are you waiting for?"
"But I don't want to fight you!" Candyfloss insisted yet again. "You are wrong, good sir! I am not a changeling!"
"Wow, this one's determined," Shining Armor mumbled to Cadance. The princess nodded, continuing to stare at Candyfloss. Her expression, Candyfloss noted, seemed to be filled with confusion, rather than fear or hatred.
Shining Armor cast a powerful magical blast in Candyfloss's direction. The older unicorn yelped and just barely backed up enough to avoid it, wincing as the attack left a considerable scorch mark on the cobblestones. The first had barely landed, and already, another was arcing through the air toward him.
This time, Candyfloss teleported out of the way. Despite his peril, his thoughts were strangely coherent.
I need to find a way to end this before it gets any more out of control! he thought desperately. What can I do? If I don't fight back, I'll be burnt like an old lump of charcoal by these fireballs. But if I retaliate and injure Shining Armor, it will only make matters worse!
Candyfloss teleported again to avoid another spell, and then cast a weak stunning spell of his own in Shining Armor's direction. Being primarily a peaceful unicorn, he had no knowledge of seriously harmful combative spells anyway; the only one he knew would do nothing more than immobilize Shining Armor for a few seconds, if he could even get it to connect with his adversary.
Shining Armor saw the slow-moving stunning spell coming, and cast another of his fireballs into the heart of Candyfloss's feeble ball of magic, shredding and diffusing it harmlessly into the air.
Candyfloss leapt out of the way of the fireball, landing awkwardly and struggling to maintain his balance. When he looked back up, Shining Armor was gone.
Candyfloss wheeled around as a flash of magic indicated Shining Armor's arrival just behind him. He lunged forward with an angry growl, pinning Candyfloss to the ground. The older unicorn whimpered as Shining Armor's horn lit up, about to create another fireball. While it would do no more than scorch a changeling's tough hide, would likely incinerate the trapped unicorn completely.
"Stop."
Candyfloss turned his head, and Shining Armor did as well, glancing curiously toward Cadance as she walked up to the two sparring stallions.
"But Cadance, he-"
"He hasn't had a chance to explain himself," Cadance said loudly. "I understand that, as Captain of the Royal Guard, you can never be too careful, but this assassin has yet to display any behavior indicative of changelings."
"But he attacked you!" Shining Armor argued. "Isn't that reason enough to believe it?"
"Possibly," said Cadance. "But rather than destroying him and then finding out you were wrong, why don't you use that spell your sister taught you to test for sure whether he's really a changeling?"
Shining Armor blushed. "I... guess I forgot about that. Hang on a second."
Candyfloss felt a soft, tingling wave of magical energy glide along his body. It had absolutely no effect; Candyfloss's appearance remained exactly as it always had.
Shining Armor stepped back, speechless. "You mean... you're not a changeling?"
"No," Candyfloss managed, struggling to get to his hooves.
Shining Armor looked dumbfounded. "Then... but... why did you attack Cadance?"
"If you'd just give me a moment, I can explain everything," Candyfloss insisted.
"Let's hear him out," Cadance urged. She marched up to Candyfloss, staring at him more with curiosity than anger.
Candyfloss took a deep breath. "You see, my Princess, my name is Dr. Candyfloss, owner and chairpony of a Ponyville based business known as Equestria Speedy Shipping Services. Our business helps love-struck ponies create a relationship with the object of their affection."
"Okay," said Cadance. "But I don't see what that has to do with me."
"Well, actually, quite a bit," Candyfloss said. "You see, matchmaking is my special talent; it is for that reason that I started my business in the first place. And, while in such a position, I have had the time and resources to study love in all its forms at a very profound level. It is my sincere belief that true love is among the most powerful forces in our world, and we are graced to be able to be touched by its mysterious ways."
Candyfloss cleared his throat before continuing. "Now, after many years of study, I had believed quite thoroughly that love could not be tamed. That is, until I discovered that a certain pony had the power to... to manipulate it. To warp its decisions to her own whims."
Cadance's eyebrows rose. "You're talking about me."
"So you tried to kill her?!" Shining Armor asked, outraged.
"Heavens, no! It was all an unfortunate accident!" Candyfloss cried. "I witnessed Cadance use her magic on those ponies at the restaurant earlier today. Then, when I realized she was about to do it again, to the two standing at the corner, I tossed a brick from the roof to try to distract you. It was carefully aimed so that it wouldn't hurt anypony."
Candyfloss hung his head. "Unfortunately, I hadn't realized the chimney's structural deficiencies were so severe; before I could do anything further, it came toppling down on you. I must wholeheartedly apologize for inadvertently causing that."
To Candyfloss's great surprise, Cadance smiled.
"Well, Dr. Candyfloss, it looks like you've been worrying over nothing," she said. "My powers don't corrupt love's natural order at all."
Cadance giggled. "You've seen me use my 'love magic' to seemingly create love between ponies, right?"
Candyfloss nodded.
"Well, those ponies at the restaurant were already a married couple," Cadance explained. "While I do technically have 'love magic', I can only use it to remind ponies of the love they already share."
"But what if you mistook a pair of arguing ponies for a couple?" Candyfloss asked. "Wouldn't you create love between two ponies who might not even know each other?"
Cadance shook her head. "No sir, the magic would have no effect at all if that were the case. The ponies would have to be married, or at least dating, for it to work."
She smiled broadly. "You see Dr. Candyfloss, my magic only strengthens love, never creates it. It helps ponies who have forgotten how much they care about one another remember that happy emotion buried within them. It shows them that their anger and bitterness toward one another is just another bump in the road, and their love for each other can conquer it."
Cadance smiled at the growing sense of comprehension on Candyfloss's face. "In a way, Dr. Candyfloss, this makes you and me very much alike," she continued. "Both of us are agents of love: powerless to disrupt its plans, but honored to humbly forward its purposes."
Candyfloss chuckled, relieved and thrilled now that the truth had been made clear. "Princess Cadance," he began, bowing slightly, "I must apologize so sincerely for jumping to conclusions. Perhaps I shouldn't have doubted myself in the first place."
Cadance nodded. "I understand. Just try not to validate your beliefs by dropping chimneys on passerby in the future."
Cadance and Candyfloss both got a good laugh out of that.
"And... I'm sorry for falsely accusing you," Shining Armor mumbled. "Looks like both of us got upset and jumped to conclusions today."
"Quite alright, my friend," Candyfloss said. "It was a pleasure meeting the both of you, and I thank you for clearing up my troubled mind. Please try to enjoy the rest of your time in Canterlot."
"We will," Cadance said. "Now, you'd probably better get back to Ponyville right?"
"Well, yes, and soon as your husband lowers the shield."
"Oh yeah," Shining Armor said vaguely. He fired a small ball of magic from his horn, and the shield shattered like glass on contact with it, vanishing into the air a moment later.
"Thank you," Candyfloss said. "Now, I must get going. I have a feeling the office may not be running so smoothly without me."
"Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, please hold. Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, please hold. Pinkie, get off the phone, this is our business number. Equestria Speedy Shipping Services, please hold!"
"Watt, what in Equestria are you doing down here?" Breeze asked, pushing open the door to the manager's office. "We shouldn't even be getting that many calls."
"I know!" Watt wailed. "I think someone's pranking me! But real business is backing up, Pinkie won't stop calling me, it's past lunchtime and... and I'm a really bad manager!"
Watt laid his head on Candyfloss's desk and sobbed loudly.
"Everything okay in here?" Ditzy Doo asked, peeking into the office.
"Watt's having a bad day," Breeze said. "The stress of being manager is getting to him."
"Ditzy! Help! I don't even know what to do anymore!" Watt cried, reaching across the desk with his forehooves as if trying to reach his coworker.
"Don't worry about it Watt," came another voice. "Return to your usual station. I'll take over from here."
Ditzy and Breeze turned around, surprised, and Watt looked up gleefully.
"Dr. Candyfloss!" he cried happily. "Good to see you, sir!"
"Yes, Watt, you too," Candyfloss said calmly. "Now, if the three of you would head upstairs, I'll handle the calls on hold and send you three off on assignment."
"Yes sir!" Watt said greatfully. He bolted out of the room, with Ditzy and Breeze close behind.
Candyfloss settled into his old swivel chair and sighed contently. A few minutes and a bit of organization was all it took to set business in order again. After his employees had left, he reached into his desk drawer and retrieved his private journal.
Entry #217
Today, I made a most grave mistake, by discovering a most wonderful pony and almost mistaking her for an enemy. My encounter with Princess Cadance has freed me from my own shortsightedness.
My ability to bring ponies together is a rare one. So rare, in fact, that I often forget there are others like me. Today, I was given a vivid reminder that love has many soldiers to help accomplish its purposes, and they all work in different ways.
It is my wish that both Princess Cadance and I continue our quests to show Equestria the true power of love.
Author’s Note: This chapter is about Watt. If you didn’t like chapter 7 in the main story, feel free to skip this one entirely.
Kilowatt Hour in: Imagine That!
To say that Kilowatt Hour was an underappreciated pony was, put quite simply, a gross understatement.
For one thing, Watt was the only electrician in Ponyville, and one of a very small number in the whole nation of Equestria. The earth pony was solely responsible for keeping any and all electrical appliances in the small town working.
Unfortunately, the average resident of Ponyville was unfamiliar with what electricity was, or where it came from. Most ponies passed it off as another easily obtained commodity provided by the unicorns and their magic. And so Watt went unappreciated by most for his long hours of work.
As far as recognition goes, Watt’s other job wasn’t much better; working at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services had its perks, but the small company remained largely unknown to anypony who hadn’t decided to seek out such a service. And so, while company clients were always grateful for the help, the majority of Ponyville’s citizens went unaware of this contribution as well.
And almost nopony in Ponyville knew anything about the third major use of Watt’s time. Then again, that was probably for the better. After all, when ponies did hear the story of a parallel universe full of living inanimate objects that had to be regularly saved from various larger-than-life threats by two earth ponies, they tended to be skeptical at best.
One might wonder how a pony such as Watt could manage to juggle three such responsibilities at once. The explanation for that can be traced back to a single factor: electricity.
Electrical machinery was a relatively recent development in Equestria. There were few ponies who understood how it worked, and no university course or published manual to explain its secrets to those new to the field. And so Watt learned how to work with electricity through the most practical method available: trial and error.
Needless to say, there was plenty of error involved.
Watt didn’t mind it, though. Being jolted repeatedly quickly made the experience quite bearable for the earth pony. It became more of an adrenalin rush than a painful event after a while. However, it was not without its side effects. As Watt has so eloquently described it to most of his acquaintances, “Once you get shocked enough times, everything around you starts moving real slowly.”
Watt managed being an electrician, a shipper, and one of the saviors of an imaginary parallel world all at the same time quite easily due to his boundless energy. On this particular afternoon, he could be found in the power shed at the base of Ponyville Dam, re-routing the electricity generated by the structure into Ponyville’s power grid.
“Careful… careful…” Watt mumbled to himself as he slowly slid the unprotected tip of a large wire into one of the many sockets. “Gotta get it right in the hole. If it touches the metal on the outside, it’s gonna discharge.”
Keeping his hoof as steady as possible, Watt positioned the tip of the wire in front of the entry point of the power grid.
“Hi Watt! Watcha’ doin’!?”
The high pitched voice startled Watt. He thrust his hoof forward rather forcefully, and nowhere near the desired location. The energy from the live wire immediately passed through the metal and into Watt’s body, causing a sound like a small thunderclap. He yelped and shivered as the wave of energy passed through him.
“Oopsie,” said the high voice, which of course, belonged to Watt’s gleeful marefriend, Pinkie Pie. “Guess I should have knocked first.”
Watt blinked away the stars in front of his eyes and shook himself, causing several electrical arcs to dance along the length of his coat. “No problem, Pinkie,” he chuckled. “That one was just a little jolt anyway. Only a couple hundred volts.”
Pinkie Pie, admittedly, had no reference point by which to interpret this value, so she just took Watt’s word for it.
“Okie-dokie-lokie then!” the pink pony chirped. “Hey Watt, I need your help with something. Sir Lintsalot told me there’s trouble in Inanima again.”
Watt rolled his eyes. “Ugh, don’t tell me a war broke out between the native tribe of ceiling fans and those new vacuum cleaner settlers in the western province. I thought we took care of the diplomacy issues last week.”
Pinkie shook her head. “Nuh-uh, it’s not them. In fact, we don’t know who it is! There have been reports of mysterious incidents going on all over Inanima. It’s really strange; usually problems are localized to one kingdom. There’s even a rumor going around that it’s being caused by living creatures, and you know how rare those are in Inanima. Either way, it seems important enough that Sir Lintsalot called a meeting of the High Council to discuss it. Can you come?”
Watt glanced at the power grid behind him. “Well… there’s an operation running here to move a large unit of energy from the storage grid to the main power system. If I don’t stick around and make adjustments, it’s going to start building up.”
“Aww,” Pinkie whined. “But we need you, Watt. It’s important.”
Watt glanced repeatedly between the power grid and Pinkie. “Well, technically, the system can handle some stress. Things won’t go critical unless I leave it unattended for several hours.”
“We’ll be back way before that!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Does that mean you can come to the meeting?”
Watt chuckled. “Yeah, let’s go.”
“Yay!” Pinkie squealed, bouncing delightedly around Watt. “We’ll be back in no time at all! We can just go right in to Inanima from here and everything.”
Pinkie put her hoof on the door to the power shed, and turned to Watt with an inquisitive expression. “You remember how it works, right?”
Watt nodded, repeating the phrase Pinkie had taught him.
“Any door in Equestria can lead to Inanima, as long as you believe it’s on the other side.”
Pinkie nodded and pushed open the door. Instead of revealing the cement platform at the base of Ponyville Dam, the passageway revealed a bright field, covered in low grass and a few wildflowers.
Watt and Pinkie passed through the doorway into the field. Neither of them seemed concerned that, upon turning around, their portal home was no longer visible. Instead, there was simply the moss-covered face of a gargantuan boulder.
“Wow,” said Watt, looking around and nodding in approval. “The plains of Inanima are really starting to look snazzy!”
Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Yep, it’s been all uphill for the country since King Turnip died. Now that he’s not choking the life out of the land with his sinister kingly grip of turnipy evil, everything’s starting to grow back.”
Watt grinned. “Well, as nice as it is, we don’t have time to sightsee. I’ll race you to the High Council Meeting!”
“Whee, you’re on!” Pinkie laughed, taking off across the rolling plains, with Watt following right behind.
“I told you I want my coffee! Where is my gosh-darned coffee!?”
“Watch your temper, monsieur Rocky,” Madame Le’Flour scolded. “Zis is now my castle, and I expect my guests to behave with zee proper manners.”
“Manners shmanners,” Rocky grunted. “Your dad may have been an evil king, but at least a guy could get his coffee when he wanted it back when he was in charge.”
“When my father was in charge, you were an outlaw,” Madame Le’Flour reminded him. “I have pardoned your past offenses and made you zee captain of my kingdom’s royal guard. I do not think you are in any position to complain.”
A small wooden stool scuttled into the room, carrying a hot mug of coffee on its flat top. Rocky snatched it up without a word of thanks, and the stool scurried away before it had a chance to be insulted again.
“So, why haven’t we begun discussion?” Sir Lintsalot asked. “The unfolding situation is becoming rather desperate.”
“We’re waitin’ for Pinkie,” Rocky said, taking a swig of his hard-won coffee. “She was supposed to be here by now, but she went to get the yellow guy she’s always hangin’ around with, so she’s gonna be a little late.”
“Ah yes, Master Watt has proven to be a loyal friend of Inanima in the few months since we met him,” Sir Lintsalot admitted. “His company will be appreciated.”
“Hey everypony! We’re here!” came a singsong voice from the hallway. Pinkie Pie bounced into the room and took her position at the head of the long table, and Watt trotted to his seat as well.
“So good of you to join us, Lady Pinkie,” Madame Le’Flour said.
“’Bout time you two lovebirds got here,” Rocky grumbled. “We’ve been waiting all morning for you two.”
“Sorry,” Pinkie giggled. “I had to go get Watt first. You know how busy he can be at his electrician job.”
“If you ask me, keeping a country safe from invaders is a little more important than keepin’ the lights on in some backwater pony hick-town,” Rocky argued.
“Well, I’m still not sure whether or not this place actually exists on any plane beyond the realm of Pinkie’s imagination,” Watt pointed out. “So it kind of loses a little ground in my list of priorities because of that.”
Rocky laughed. “The kid’s got a point!”
“Well, now that you are here,” Sir Lintsalot cut in, “I think it would be best if we get right down to business. There have been reports in both my kingdom to the north, and here in Madame Le’Flour’s kingdom, detailing strange events. There are rumors of paranormal phenomena, and in more serious cases, large scale destruction or sudden disappearances of citizens. Whoever or whatever the culprit is, it appears to have no trouble traveling vast distances across Inanima in a very short time.”
“But what can we do about it?” Madame Le’Flour asked. “We know nothing about zis threat! How do we deal with a force we know nothing about?”
“Kill it,” said Rocky bluntly.
“Now, now, Rocky, that’s not very nice,” Pinkie Pie scolded. “Maybe it’s just misunderstood, whatever it is. It might stop attacking if we can figure out what it’s upset about. Then maybe we could throw it a party!”
“We may be able to reason with it, yes,” Sir Lintsalot agreed. “But still, for the time being, it must be considered dangerous. We will have to assemble the armies as a precaution, so if battle breaks out, we can strike at a moment’s notice.”
“So…” Rocky said hesitantly. “Basically, you’re gonna go talk to it, it’s gonna kick your fluffy royal hindquarters, and then we get to kill it?”
“Yes,” said Sir Lintsalot. “Or, well… close enough.”
“Perfect!” said Rocky. “Then we’ll split up and get both the kingdom’s armies mobilized as quickly as possible.”
He turned to Watt. “You!” he announced loudly. “I seem to remember you kicking some ninja butt back when we were taking on King Turnip. You and I will stay here with the princess and get the south kingdom’s forces ready for battle. Pinkie can go with lint boy back to the north kingdom and get that army together, too.”
“Gummy is right outside,” Pinkie said. “He can get us there in less than an hour.”
“Excellent,” said Sir Lintsalot. “Is everyone okay with that plan?”
“Of course,” Madame Le’Flour said. “And don’t worry, my love, I shall keep zis troublemaker in line.”
Rocky just grunted, ignoring the remark.
“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s get to work!” Sir Lintsalot proclaimed.
The ball of lint hopped on to Pinkie’s back, and the mare began to trot from the room. “See you later, Watt! Good luck!” she called.
Rocky rotated on his chair. Watt presumed the stack of rocks was now looking in his direction, but as the latter had no face, it was hard to tell for sure.
“Well, what’re you waiting for, kid?” he asked. “Take me and the princess out back to the royal guard barracks. We’ve got a strike force to assemble.”
For what was quite possibly the first time in his life, Watt was speechless.
Before him stood the greatest assemblage of inanimate objects he had ever seen. Every manner of random article imaginable stood at attention in the castle courtyard, from the tiniest knickknacks to the largest appliances. In neat rows, the objects stood at perfect attention, awaiting orders from the small pile of rocks that stood mounted on Watt’s back.
“Gentlemen, the time has come,” Rocky announced dramatically. “Today, we will have to stand and fight for our country. Is everyone ready?”
Cheers of approval rose from the huge crowd.
“Excellent!” Rocky boomed. “This yellow guy under me it Lieutenant Watt. You all will do what he says, when he says to do it, unless I say otherwise. Is that clear?”
“Yes sir!” the army replied.
“Um, Rocky,” Watt pointed out, “I spend most of my time getting electrocuted and helping ponies fall in love. I don’t know much about commanding armies.”
“Relax kid, it’s real simple,” said Rocky. “Just remember to be loud and bark out random orders like ‘take the high ground and advance on the enemy’s right flank’, or something like that. Always works for me.”
Watt glanced nervously at his right flank and wondered if that word had an additional meaning. Rocky seemed not to notice.
“Now, a lot of you in this army may be familiar with the army of Sir Lintsalot, from the kingdom to the north,” Rocky continued. “For that matter, a lot of you may not like them. Some of you have even been in battle against them before.”
A murmur spread through the crowd. Rocky cleared his throat and continued.
“Today, however, our enemy is not the north kingdom. Our enemy is potentially much more dangerous,” he said. “Now, as our lovely princess Madame Le’Flour has allied with Sir Lintsalot’s kingdom, today we shall fight alongside them.”
Rocky hopped in place, causing Watt to flinch from the blow to his spine. “Now I don’t want any backstabbing!” Rocky continued. “Pinkie Pie herself will be fighting alongside them, and I won’t have a group of soldiers with petty grudges making me look bad in front of the goddess. You will fight bravely and cooperatively for our fair country! Do I make myself clear?”
“Sir, yes sir!”
“Then follow me!” Rocky cried, turning toward the open plains beyond the castle. He jumped rather forcefully on Watt’s back, nearly causing the earth pony to collapse. “Move it, boy! We got a long walk ahead of us.”
“Yes sir,” Watt coughed, trying to catch the breath that Rocky had knocked out of him. “Uh… company march?”
The several hundred inanimate objects heeded the command, and marching in ranks, followed Watt and Rocky toward the battlefield.
“Not a moment too soon,” Sir Lintsalot replied. “Hurry Pinkie, we have to meet with them.”
Pinkie bounded forward across the plain and soon reached the head of the advancing army. She trotted up to Watt, grinning as usual.
“We’re here,” said Rocky bluntly. “What’d we miss?”
“Quite a bit, actually,” said Sir Lintsalot gravely. “We have just discovered a nearby village has been recently attacked by the mysterious invading force. It may still be nearby.”
Pinkie pointed in the direction of the village. Watt and Rocky stared at the distant plume of smoke rising up from the site. Although the village was still some distance away, it was clear that many buildings had been leveled.
“Well, burst my balloons and call me Susan!” Rocky proclaimed. “By the looks of things, I’m not sure this is an enemy we can reason with.”
“Come on, we have to advance on the ruins,” said Sir Lintsalot. “The enemy might still be nearby.”
“Um, maybe we don’t have to do that,” Pinkie Pie said hesitantly.
“What’s wrong Pinkie? Got cold hooves all of a sudden?” Rocky chuckled.
Pinkie shook her head. “No Rocky, I’m nice and toasty. Thanks for asking though.”
Rocky sighed. “Never mind. Why don’t you think we need to advance on the ruins?”
Pinkie pointed at the sky. “Because I think the enemy found us first.”
The odd little group of ponies and objects all turned their gazes skyward, where the cloud layer has rather suddenly begun to churn and swirl furiously. Strange flashes of light in various colors flickered from above, and a strange humming sound seemed to be getting ever louder.
“Wha… what is that?” Rocky asked.
“Whatever it is, it’s coming down from above!” Sir Lintsalot said. “All soldiers, take your stances! Prepare to attack on our signal.”
“Pinkie, you created this place, didn’t you?” Watt asked. “Usually you know all about the bad guys that live here. So… what do you think it is?”
Pinkie shook her head vaguely, her eyes still locked on the sky. “I have no idea…”
“How can you not have any idea?!” Rocky yelled angrily, once again hopping on Watt’s back and sending the stallion into another frantic coughing fit. “Everything in Inanima, good and bad, was dreamed up by you, wasn’t it?”
“I thought so,” said Pinkie. “It’s really weird. I don’t remember imagining any flying thing with flashing lights and loud humming sounds.”
She grinned. “Whatever it is, it sure can make a lot of pretty colors! Maybe we can convince it to help us with a big disco party!”
“Pinkie Pie, focus,” Sir Lintsalot urged. “I rather doubt something that just destroyed a village is interested in such an idea.”
“Can’t hurt to ask, though,” Pinkie argued.
Before anypony could say anything further, the clouds parted, and a gargantuan, oblong object descended into view. Fire poured from several huge thrusters that kept the massive craft afloat.
“What in the name of Hasbro is that thing?” Rocky gasped.
“I dunno,” Pinkie said. “Never seen anything like it before, but it looks like some sort of spacecraft. It seems a little sinister to be something I thought up.”
“But… that…” Watt stammered. “Guys, I think that’s a-”
Watt was cut off by a loud sound as a huge hatch opened on the bottom of the craft, releasing dozens of strange flying saucers. Immediately, the smaller ships converged on the armies assembled on the ground, and began to fire hundreds of tiny lasers.
“We’re under attack!” Sir Lintsalot cried.
“No, really?” asked Rocky. “Offensive positions, everyone! Fire the catapults!”
In an instant, the plain was transformed into a battlefield. The strange spacecrafts rained down attacks upon the inanimate objects, who retaliated as best they could from the ground. Watt, Pinkie, Sir Lintsalot, and Rocky dove under a sheltered overhang at the base of a hill to escape the assault.
“I just don’t understand,” Pinkie said. “How can there be something here that I didn’t think up, or let in from outside?”
“That’s just it, Pinkie,” Watt said. “It isn’t something you invented. I… I think I’ve seen these crafts before.”
“You have?” Sir Lintsalot asked. “Do tell.”
Watt swallowed hard. “I think they’re… the spaceponies.”
The others shared in a collective gasp.
“Wait… what’s a spacepony?” Sir Lintsalot asked.
“Well, technically, they’re just a myth,” Watt said. “I always wondered what would happen if they were real and abducted me. I’ve made up lots of stories about them, but I didn’t think I’d ever run into them for real.”
“Then what the hay are they doin’ flyin’ ‘round Inanima?” Rocky asked.
Watt could only shrug.
“Oh, I get it!” Pinkie Pie squealed suddenly, a huge grin spreading across her face.
“Get what, exactly?” Sir Lintsalot asked.
“Don’t you see?” asked Pinkie, almost bursting with glee. “The spaceponies are just a figment of Watt’s imagination!”
“So?” asked Watt.
“So, this means Watt, being from the outside world of Equestria, has now allowed himself to become so thoroughly entwined in the fate of Inanima that his imagination is starting to shape the world as well!”
“What?!” Watt gasped. “But Pinkie! This is your world!”
Pinkie shook her head. “Not anymore!” she sang. “It’s our world now.”
“But what about Ditzy Doo?” Watt asked. “She came here from Equestria. Why wasn’t she able to control Inanima as well?”
“It’s not that easy,” Pinkie said. “You really have to care about Inanima. You have to get to know its inhabitants and locations and basically completely erase the line in your mind that separates reality and fantasy. Only then can you change this world’s fate.”
“Then this makes Watt a new god,” Sir Lintsalot gasped. “It seems he’s every bit as powerful as Lady Pinkie!”
“I’m a god?” Watt asked.
“Yeah, congratulations kid,” said Rocky sarcastically. “That’s nice and all, but we do kind of have a situation out there. Now that Watt’s runaway imagination brought the spaceponies too Inanima, what are we gonna do about ‘em?”
“Well, I think they’re probably looking for me,” Watt admitted. “I’ve met them in my imagination before, so I bet that means I have to be the one to confront them now.”
Watt stepped out from beneath the protective overhang and galloped out onto the crowded battlefield.
Now, how do I get them to notice me? the Earth pony thought. It’s not like they’re just going to single me out of this huge crowd and beam me directly up to their spaceship or anything.
Just then, the spacepony mothership singled Watt out from the rest of the army, and with a bright flash, instantly beamed him aboard the ship.
Pinkie Pie turned to the readers seated behind the fourth wall, looking at them with disbelief. “Can you believe that?” she asked them. “What an eerily convenient turn of events that was! I mean really, what is the author thinking?”
“He’s probably thinking that this is just a bonus chapter, and he’s just trying to spill his weirdest ideas out here all at once so his future stories actually make sense,” Rocky pointed out.
“Whatever. It’s still lazy writing,” Pinkie said. “Just look beneath the page break to find out what happens to Watt next, I guess.”
Watt blinked a few times in surprise as the light around him faded. He found himself standing in an enormous metal chamber, surrounded on all sides by a high window. Dozens of silhouetted creatures, their eyes glowing eerily, peered down at Watt like some sort of exhibit.
A plain metal door opened on the other end of the room, and a grotesque creature marched into the room. It was shaped roughly like a pony, but its body was completely covered in bright green scales instead of fur. Its tail was long and whip-like, and its eyes were mounted on long stalks above its head.
“Ah… if it isn’t our old friend Kilowatt Hour,” the spacepony said in a vile, hissing voice. “I knew someday we’d meet again. It was only a matter of time, after all.”
“What do you want with me? And why are you attacking this country?” Watt asked.
“We destroyed village after village until we found you, of course,” replied the spacepony. “Surely you knew we’d be coming for revenge.”
“Revenge for what, exactly?” asked Watt.
The spacepony faltered. “I… er… I don’t know, really. Honestly, I don’t think you ever came up with a reason.”
Watt took a moment to wrap his head around the implications of that answer. His nemeses were, of course, imaginary, and they seemed to be imbued with precisely the amount of detail with which Watt has imagined them, meaning they only had as much of a motive for being evil as Watt had dreamed up. Which was to say, none at all.
“Regardless!” the spacepony continued, “we are here for our revenge! This time we shall not lose, Kilowatt Hour!”
Watt looked the spacepony up and down. “You’re… going to try to attack me? You look kind of scrawny for that.”
“I’m not going to attack you,” the spacepony hissed. “I have a much simpler way of doing away with you.”
The spacepony uttered some strange words in a foreign tongue. Watt had about a second to contemplate what they might mean before a hatch opened in the floor directly beneath him. Watt found himself plummeting directly toward the rocky surface of Inanima a half a mile below, the evil laughter of the spacepony in the ship above echoing in his ears.
Now what? Watt thought as he plummeted toward the earth. I’m not invincible while in Inanima or anything; King Turnip almost killed me a couple months ago. So if I don’t figure something out, I’m going to be turned into a pony pancake in a couple seconds!
An idea crossed Watt’s mind suddenly, and he quickly realized it likely constituted his only chance of survival.
Apparently, my imagination got me into this… maybe it can get me out, too!
Watt concentrated on the ground that was fast approaching, and visualized a doorway back to Ponyville. Nothing appeared.
Come on, this has to work! I need a way back to Ponyville! Now!
Watt squeezed his eyes shut as the distance between the ground and himself was reduced to nothing.
Well, there was no more air rushing past his body. That was a good sign.
Watt cautiously opened his eyes, glancing around the dimly lit room. He was back in the power shed at Ponyville dam.
“Neat, that actually worked!” Watt said aloud.
The earth pony turned and peered through the door of the building, which still led directly to Inanima. The battle was still clearly visible, and the residents of Inanima were definitely losing.
I guess we have to defeat the spaceponies, somehow, Watt thought. Since they don’t have a motive for being evil, there’s no way to convince them to stop.
Watt’s thoughts were interrupted by a blaring sound behind him. A plethora of red warning lights lit up all along the power grid.
“Aw, no!” Watt said to no one in particular. “I completely forgot about the power transfer, and now the grid has overloaded! If I don’t find some way to divert the excess power, the surge is going to blow every circuit in Ponyville! I’ll be making repairs for weeks!”
Watt glanced at the countdown timer, which indicated the time remaining before the grid failed to hold back the excess energy. There was less than a minute remaining.
“Yikes! There’s not enough time!” the stallion moaned. “Looks like I’ve failed both Inanima and Ponyville today… unless…”
An idea crossed Watt’s mind that was so completely insane, that for a moment, he dismissed it as impossible. But after a few seconds, it became apparent that it was his only chance.
Watt yanked the largest group of cables out of the wall of the power shed and wrapped them around himself, making sure to keep the metal ends exposed.
“There’s only one way to divert the power,” he said to himself, almost giddy with anticipation. “I think I’m about to get the biggest shock of my life. Let’s just hope it does what I intend for it to do…”
Watt positioned himself in front of the open door to Inanima and waited as the last few seconds ticked away on the countdown clock.
“Where is he? What happened to him?” Pinkie asked desperately as she scrambled around the battlefield, seemingly oblivious to the lasers burning the landscape all around her. “I saw Watt fall out of the spaceship! Where’d he go?”
“Forget him for the moment, kid!” Rocky urged. “We have to find a way to turn the tides! We need a secret weapon or we’re gonna lose this battle!”
A deafening thunderclap suddenly shook the landscape, causing all the combatants to stop momentarily and look around in confusion. A bright yellow streak cut through the sky at an immense speed, cutting right through one of the smaller saucers. The spacepony piloting it had only a second to panic before his small craft exploded.
But the object didn’t stop there. One by one, the other saucers were targeted, and the glowing object cut through each of them like a knife through butter. Large bolts of lightning arced off the strange destructive object as it darted around the sky.
“Pinkie?” Sir Lintsalot asked. “Would you, by any chance, know what exactly we’re witnessing right now?”
Pinkie giggled. “I think so,” she chirped. “He’s such a silly pony sometimes.”
“What?” Sir Lintsalot asked.
The glowing object turned in midair and redirected itself toward Pinkie and her friends.
“It’s coming this way! Hit the deck!” Rocky bellowed.
The object crackled with electricity as it came closer. Rather than colliding with Pinkie and her inanimate friends, it simply bounced off the ground in front of them. The outline of a pony was briefly visible in the midst of the radiance.
“Hi guys!” it screamed. That was all it had time to say before it rocketed back into the air.
“Yep, I was right,” Pinkie sang. “Although I think that’s a new record for him. I didn’t think anypony could handle that much electricity.”
“Wait…” said Sir Lintaslot. “Pinkie… is that thing Watt!?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Well, duh!”
Watt laughed as he directed himself toward the next ship. He was moving so quickly that gravity did not seem interested in trying to catch up with him, which made things all the easier. Effortlessly, he tore through the hull of another saucer as if it was made of tissue paper rather than steel.
It only took a few moments for the mothership to begin retreating. Many saucers tried to reach the safety of its interior, but the great majority were blown out of the sky long before reaching it. The remainder of the fleet disappeared into the clouds and rocketed away into space.
The remainder of Inanima’s army cheered triumphantly as Watt hurtled to the ground, skidding along like a stone skipping on water before finally coming to a stop against a huge rock. He stood there, shaking violently as he waited for enough of the excess charge to disperse to allow him to move normally again. The blinding glow around him dimmed as several more huge electrical arcs danced off his coat and onto the surrounding rocks. Despite looking ready to collapse, he grinned gleefully as Pinkie came skipping up to him.
“Well, that sure was something, boy!” Rocky announced. “Keep doin’ stuff like that and one of these days you’ll be almost as great a soldier as I am!”
“Almost?” asked Sir Lintsalot with a chuckle. “I think it’s safe to say Watt… excuse me, lord Watt, as he now must be properly addressed, has quite exceeded you, Rocky.”
“What’re you talking about?” Rocky said. “The kid’s lucky I don’t go a few rounds with him right now! I’d knock him into next week!”
“See, Watt? Defending Inanima is lots of fun!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “And now you get to be considered a big hero just like me!”
“Yes, just wait until I tell Madame Le’Flour what has happened here today,” Sir Lintsalot agreed. “The very essence of this world has been fundamentally changed. Its plains are now shaped and protected by not one, but two ponies with truly magical powers of imagination.”
Watt smiled. “Hey, I guess that’s even more proof that you and I were meant for each other, huh Pinkie?”
Pinkie laughed, but it failed to hide her blush. She moved forward to embrace Watt.
“No, wait, Pinkie! There’s still too much-”
ZAP!
Pinkie squeaked and backed up, momentarily stunned. The static electricity puffed up her mane even more than usual.
“Sorry,” said Watt sheepishly.
Pinkie blinked a few times as she recovered from the shock. A big, playful smile stretched across her face.
“I can see why you like that, Watt! It’s like… a surprise party for your nervous system!”
Watt grinned. “That’s one way of putting it, I guess!”
“Pinkie?” Fluttershy called. “Are you here? Twilight needs you to… oh, I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?”
Fluttershy glanced around the dim interior of the power shed peering at each of the random items laying around; a pile of rocks, a ball of lint, a bag of flour, and a dozen or so tiny plastic spaceships littered the floor. And lying in the center were Pinkie and Watt, neither of whom could seem to stop laughing.
“H-hang on Fluttershy,” Pinkie managed between giggles. “I’ll be right there.”
“Okay, no rush,” said Fluttershy. “Twilight just sent me to remind you that you’re supposed to come and help with one of her experiments this evening.”
Pinkie finally stopped giggling and stood up. “Guess it’s time to go, Watt,” she said. “But that was super-fun! I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yep. I need to get the power grid reset anyway. I think I broke some stuff,” Watt admitted.
Pinkie pie waved, and then skipped out the door with Fluttershy, leaving Watt to his work.
Yes, Kilowatt Hour was quite the underappreciated pony, but that was just fine with him; he wasn’t looking for recognition. After all, he already had everything he wanted; the best group of friends a pony could ask for, and new adventures waiting around every corner.
Autumn Breeze alighted on the train station platform. Judging by the position of the sun, the train carrying from Canterlot would be arriving at Ponyville station at any moment. The pegasus folded his wings against his back and leaned against a pillar.
It had been a few months since Autumn Breeze had started dating his cheerful coworker, Ditzy Doo. Everything was going wonderfully between them so far, and Breeze was happy to do favors for her. Like, in this particular instance, picking up the mare’s daughter as she returned from the academy in Canterlot.
After a few moments, a plume of smoke appeared over the next hill, signaling the arrival of the train. It pulled into the station with a loud hiss, the doors popped open, and Breeze smiled as a grey-purple unicorn filly hopped out, carrying a travel bag in her magic’s grip.
“Hey Dinky!” Breeze called out. “Over here!”
Dinky turned her head left and right, searching for the source of the voice, and a moment later her eyes settled on Breeze. She hurried over to him.
“Hello, Mr. Breeze! What are you doing here?” she asked. “Usually mom comes to pick me up on the weekend.”
Breeze nodded. “I know, but Ditzy got sent on an assignment way out in Las Pegasus. Between all the travel and the job itself, she won’t be back until Sunday morning, so she asked me to keep an eye on you for today and tomorrow.”
“Oh.” Dinky brightened. “Well, that’s convenient. Now we have time to plan a party or something for Sunday.”
Breeze raised an eyebrow. “A party on Sunday? What for?”
Dinky blinked in confusion. “Well… that should be obvious. I mean, isn’t my mom kind of your very special somepony?”
“Yes…” Breeze answered hesitantly.
“Well, do you have a better idea of what you wanna do for her on Hearts and Hooves Day, then?” Dinky asked quizzically.
Breeze froze. “H-Hearts and Hooves Day?! Is that this weekend?!”
Dinky rolled her eyes. “Mr. Breeze, don’t tell me you forgot…”
Breeze groaned and hung his head. “I did. My first Hearts and Hooves Day with a new marefriend, and I totally forget. Great.”
“Luckily, I prepared for this,” said Dinky in a matter-of-fact tone. “Look, I already made her a card! You just have to sign it, and we can give it to mom!”
Dinky reached into her bag to retrieve her drawing, Breeze snatched her up and placed her on his back before she could.
“No time for the small stuff, Dinky!” Breeze urged. “This isn’t just anypony we’re talking about here. Your mom’s been through a lot in the last couple, and I want to get her something really special for Hearts and Hooves Day! You know, something she’ll never forget!”
Dinky tapped a hoof to her chin. “Well, we could go into town. All the stores are full of potential Hearts and Hooves Day presents right now anyway.”
“Good idea,” said Breeze. “And you, Dinky, are going to help me pick something out. By the time your mom comes back on Sunday, we’re gonna have the best Hearts and Hooves Day present ever!"
“I’m afraid so,” the clerk replied. “Hearts and Hooves Day is quite the occasion around here, you know. Most of the best merchandise we put on stock is gone by the time the holiday gets this close.”
Breeze nodded. “Yeah, I understand. Thanks anyway.”
Breeze trudged out of the shop, with Dinky tagging along behind.
“Now what, Mr. Breeze?” Dinky asked. “That the fifth store we’ve checked. All they have left is candy and trinkets.”
“I know,” Breeze said morosely. “But I refuse to buy that stuff. We need to find something that’s really one of a kind.”
Dinky glanced around Ponyville plaza, searching for any place that might have the kind of special merchandise Breeze was looking for. Her eyes came to rest on a round, ornate building.
“Well, there’s Carousel Boutique,” she suggested. “Sweetie’s older sister Rarity already has mom’s measurements, I think. Maybe we could get a dress made for her?”
Breeze brightened. “That’s a good idea,” he admitted. “Come on, let’s go see if Rarity is busy.”
The pair of ponies trotted over to Carousel Boutique and stepped into the lobby. The room was full of mannequins, each with a different spectacular dress draped over it. Rarity was at the other end of the room, crouched over her sewing machine. The little bell over the front door rang as Breeze and Dinky entered, causing Rarity to turn around. The first thing Breeze noticed was how tired the mare looked.
“Hello,” Rarity said sweetly, if a little faintly. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique. What can I do for you today?”
“Um, hi,” said Breeze awkwardly. “I was wondering if I could order a dress for my marefriend here?”
Rarity blinked. “Well… it seems a bit unorthodox,” she admitted. “I would need your marefriends measurements if I wanted to make something that fits.”
“That’s just it, though,” Breeze said. “You’ve met Ditzy Doo, right? It’s for her.”
Comprehension spread across Rarity’s face. “Oh, Ditzy Doo! Why yes, of course I know her, darling. One of the friendliest mares in Ponyville, she is. It’s a shame, I’ve not seen her in a while.”
Rarity snapped out of her memories. “Oh, but back on topic, you’d like to get her a dress as a gift?”
“Yeah,” said Breeze. “Something really special. It’s gotta be one of a kind.”
Rarity grinned. “Oh, I do love custom orders. Come into my workroom and I’ll show you a few of my latest design blueprints.”
Breeze began to follow Rarity into the back room. Dinky took a moment to stare at some of the dresses before following along.
“Uh… Mr. Breeze?” she whispered. “Do you think maybe Rarity is already-”
“Here we are,” Rarity sang as she pulled out her sketches. “Depending on which design you’d like, there may be some variation in price and timeframe. I can do rush jobs, though. I once made five dresses in a day.”
She frowned. “Admittedly, that escalated into a bit of a fiasco, but that’s neither here nor there. When would you like this dress by, anyway?”
“Well, it kind of does need to be a rush job,” Breeze admitted. “It’s for Hearts and Hooves Day.”
Rarity’s expression suddenly froze. Her work glasses slid slightly along the bridge of her nose, hanging at a strange angle.
“What?” she asked.
“By Hearts and Hooves Day,” Breeze repeated. “I know it’s soon, but it’s really important that-”
Rarity cut him off with a loud peal of laughter. Breeze was a bit taken aback by the outburst.
“Oh, darling, I’m afraid you’re far too late,” Rarity giggled. “I’m putting the finishing touches on dozens of dresses that have been ordered for Hearts and Hooves Day; it’s the busiest time of the year! If you wanted to reserve something for then, you should have been speaking to me about it a month ago!”
Breeze flattened his ears against his head. “So… that’s out of the question, then?”
“Quite,” said Rarity bluntly. “And I don’t mean to be rude, but most stallions have gotten their Hearts and Hooves Day presents prepared long before today. You’d best hurry if you want to get something nice for Ditzy.”
Rarity trotted out into the showroom. “Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she continued, “I really must get back to work. So much still to do, and only a day and a half to do it in. Looks like I’ll be working all through the night again.”
“Well… thanks anyway,” Breeze mumbled. “Come on, Dinky. Let’s go.”
Feeling less hopeful by the minute, Breeze and Dinky exited the boutique.
“I tried to tell you,” Dinky said. “When I noticed all the dresses in the showroom were mostly finished, I realized Rarity probably already had her hooves full with Hearts and Hooves Day orders.
Breeze nodded. “I should have realized it myself,” he admitted. “I guess that was a stupid idea from the start.”
There was a brief silence.
“So… what do we do now?” Dinky asked.
“I don’t know!” Breeze growled, stamping his hoof in frustration. “There’s nothing left to try. We could go to another town, but it seems like everypony is sold out here, so I don’t see why other towns should be any different.”
Breeze slumped down onto his haunches. “I want to get Ditzy something she’ll never forget. I want it to be something amazing, but now I’ll be lucky if I can even get her a present at all.”
“Why does it have to be such a special present, Mr. Breeze?” Dinky asked.
Breeze looked at Dinky sadly. “Dinky, do you know how hard things are for your mom sometimes?” he asked. “She spent years taking care of you all by herself, living off low pay from an unstable job. Sure, she makes more money now, but her first year at Equestria Speedy Shipping Services was filled with more ups and downs than anypony should have to deal with. And poor Ditzy has a harder time doing even simple everyday things than the rest of us because of her eyes. I admire her strength, actually; a weaker mare would have just given up in that sort of situation, but she… Dinky, are you even listening to me?”
Dinky’s face was scrunched up. She appeared to be in deep thought.
“Dinky?” Breeze asked. “Are you okay?”
“Her eyes,” Dinky said suddenly. “That’s it, Mr. Breeze. Her eyes!”
“What do her eyes have to do with finding her a present?” Breeze asked.
“Just a second,” Dinky said, turning and digging into her saddlebag. “I’ll show you.”
Dinky removed one of her school textbooks and dropped it on the ground. Breeze took a look at the title.
“Legendary Magical Artifacts of the Pre-Celestial Era?” he asked, completely oblivious to the book’s relation to their current situation.
Dinky’s horn lit up, and the book popped open. The pages fluttered for a moment in her magical aura, before coming to stop at a diagram of a strange, spherical device.
“We just learned about this in class this week!” she said excitedly. “This thing is called the Healer’s Orb. It can be used to cure anypony of any ailment or injury, no matter how old or severe it is. It only works once per pony though, so it can’t be used to keep one healthy forever. If we can get it, maybe we can use it to fix mom’s eyes!”
Breeze scanned the text on the page. “As tempting as that sounds, Dinky, it says nopony has been able to use it for hundreds of years,” he pointed out.
Dinky nodded. “That’s because it’s across the sea, on some volcanic mountaintop in the griffon territories. Unicorns can’t make the journey, and pegasi can’t break the magical protections around it without magic of their own.”
“Then what’s the point?” Breeze asked. “Nopony can get to it anyway.”
Dinky rolled her eyes. “Mr. Breeze, you’re a pegasus. I’m a unicorn. I’m also small enough to ride on your back, so it would be possible for me to get there. See where I’m going with this?”
“But… you’re just a filly,” Breeze retorted. “Do you think you’d even be able to break the magical barriers?”
Dinky shrugged. “No harm in trying. It’s not like we’re gonna find any other good presents around here. And if you were able to give mom her old vision back, as a Hearts and Hooves Day present…”
Dinky trailed off and watched as her suggestion sunk in. Breeze’s eyes widened as he realized the possibilities.
“Where did you say this place is, Dinky?” he asked.
“In the griffon territories,” the filly replied. “According to my other textbook, a fast pegasus can get there in just a few hours.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” Breeze asked, a giddy smile creeping across his face. “If we hurry, we can get the artifact and make it back by Sunday!”
“Really? We’re going?” Dinky squealed. “Hooray!”
Dinky closed the textbook, and hopped onto Breeze’s back. Breeze flared his wings and took to the air, heading east towards the sea as quickly as he could.
Dinky tucked herself into the space between Breeze’s wings, much in the way she did when riding on her mother’s back, and chuckled mischievously to herself.
Of course, the book also says that griffon territory is extremely dangerous, she thought, but if I told Mr. Breeze that, then we wouldn’t be going, and mom wouldn’t be getting anything for Hearts and Hooves Day.
Dinky shrugged off the textbook’s warnings. We don’t even need to worry about it anyway, she thought. Breeze is fast and strong, and I have magic. Those rugged lands to the east are no match for us.
It was already late afternoon when land finally came into view. Breeze sighed in relief; the long flight had taken its toll. He swooped down and alighted on the rocky ground. Dinky stretched briefly and then hopped off his back and onto the ground beside him.
“Well, this is the place,” Breeze said. “I’ve never been to this continent before. It’s not even within the boundaries of Equestria.”
He looked down at Dinky. “I hope you know where you’re going, at least.”
Dinky levitated her textbook out of her saddlebag and flipped open to the map.
“It looks like the volcanoes are northeast of here,” she said finally. “I’m not sure how far, though; the measurements on this map are in some archaic units. I don’t take ancient syllabary class at school until next term, unfortunately.”
“Well, let’s get started then,” Breeze said. “A whole cluster of volcanoes has to be kind of hard to miss.”
“Should we keep flying? That’ll make the journey easier,” Dinky suggested.
“In a little while,” Breeze said. “The terrain up ahead looks pretty impassable anyway, but it’s flat here near the coast, so we can walk for a while. Just give me an hour or so to rest my wings, and then we’ll keep flying.
Dinky nodded and began to follow Breeze up the inclined path. The two ponies trotted in silence for a short while, taking in their surroundings. There wasn’t much to see; just about every surface was composed of the same brownish rock. Occasionally, a tuft of coarse grass would spring up from a crack, but the landscape was mostly barren. There weren’t even any mountain animals in sight.
Breeze and Dinky reached the top of yet another ridge, and now the rocky surface seemed to just stretch on forever as the slanted plains rose into mountains. There was no sign of any life at all, let alone civilization.
“Isn’t this supposed to be griffon territory?” Breeze asked. “How comes we haven’t seen any-”
WHUMP!
Something huge and heavy landed on Breeze’s back, instantly pinning the pegasus to the ground. A clawed hand held his head against the ground, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see a lot of movement. A group of creatures had descended, and they seemed rather large.
Dinky screamed. Breeze struggled against whatever was holding him down in an effort to try to help her.
“This bigger one is resisting,” said a deep voice.
“Put him to bed, then,” replied another voice.
Breeze had only one terrifying second to comprehend the meaning of their words before something hard struck him across the skull. Fight though he did, his consciousness slipped away.
Dinky’s shrill yelling echoed around the cave walls almost as loudly as it echoed around the inside of Breeze’s throbbing skull. He groaned, and managed to sit up.
“Mr. Breeze, you’re awake!” Dinky gasped. “Are you okay?”
“I… think…” Breeze mumbled. He tried to stand, but the action caused him to pitch forward.
“You can’t really stand,” Dinky said. “Your ankles are chained.”
Breeze pulled himself into the most stable sitting position he could manage, and turned to look at Dinky. Her legs were free of bonds, but she was chained to a wall by her horn.
“They’re smart, those griffons,” she explained. “Looks like they know that applying pressure to a unicorn’s horn disrupts their magic. I can’t do too much with this thing on my head.”
“Wait, the griffons?” Breeze asked. “But why did they capture and imprison us? We haven’t done anything?”
“I don’t know,” Dinky said. “They said they weren’t going to tell me until you woke up.”
“Well, well,” came a voice outside the cell, “our other guest has come to. How lovely.”
A huge griffon with dark grey feathers appeared outside the bars of the underground chamber. The fur of his lion half was a rich brown, darker than the occasional griffon Breeze had encountered in Equestria. One of his talons seemed to be missing a toe.
“Seems an adventurous pegasus and a little unicorn runt decided to take a holiday in griffon country,” the griffon chuckled. “I’m not sure where you got that stupid idea, but now you’re paying for it.”
“Why are you keeping us here?” Breeze asked angrily. “I thought Equestria had some kind of treaty with you guys!”
“Oh, right, that,” said the griffon outside the cell. “Yeah, that pony princess always wants to keep diplomacy around all her territories. Griffons can’t even enter Equestria without some kind of royal approval, and usually, those that do are the ones who are too weak to survive out here among the griffon tribes anyway. They slink off to live among you prissy ponies like little babies.”
The large creature spat on the ground distastefully. “However, our country is under our jurisdiction, not the princess’s,” he continued. “And our rule is much stricter; no outsiders allowed!”
The griffon grinned. “However, we don’t mind it too much when outsiders do come in. Resources are scarce ‘round this desolate place, so we can always use a little more slave labor.”
The griffon laughed at Dinky and Breeze’s shocked expressions. “You two can call me Slavemaster Argus from now on. Only one of you looks fit for any real work, but I’m sure we can find something for the little lass to do, right?”
Dinky stuck her tongue out at Argus.
“Get some sleep, slaves,” Argus said. “You two are going to have a busy day tomorrow.”
Cackling, the grey griffon disappeared down the corridor.
Breeze sighed. “Great. Now what are we supposed to do? Didn’t your book say anything about griffons being hostile?”
Dinky shrugged. “Uh… it mentioned something about the griffon territory being kind of dangerous…” she said meekly. “I don’t think I read everything on that topic, though.”
Breeze buried his face in his hooves. “Well, now we’ll be lucky if we ever get back to Equestria, let alone get your mom a present. We need to find a way to break out of here.”
“How?” Dinky asked. “We’re both chained.”
“I don’t know, maybe we can pick the locks somehow,” Breeze mumbled. “But there’s nothing here to open them with.”
Dinky gasped. “Yes there is, Mr. Breeze! Your feathers! The pointy tips of your feathers might be able to get the job done!”
Breeze struggled, attempting to reach his wings, but the chains were too constricting. He couldn’t reach them with any of his hooves.
“It’s no use Dinky,” he admitted. “I can’t reach my wings, and you’re chained way over there. It’s hopeless.”
Dinky tapped a hoof to her chin in thought. “Don’t pegasi lose feathers naturally while flying sometimes?” she asked.
“Well, sure,” Breeze admitted. “But that happens randomly, I can’t control when I lose a feather.”
“Well, then start flapping!” Dinky urged. “Your wings aren’t chained. Maybe if you flap them long enough, a feather will fall out.”
Breeze groaned. “I’ve already used my wings more than I would have liked to for one day,” he said, “but I guess there isn’t much of a choice.”
Breeze sighed and began to beat his wings as quickly and quietly as he could. Dinky leaned against the wall and waited.
The night deepened. The griffons in the caves had long since retired for the night, and with each moment, Breeze knew there was less time remaining until they woke. But none of his feathers seemed interested in pulling free of his wings.
Finally, sometime in the wee hours of the morning, one feather suddenly came loose, and Breeze immediately collapsed, completely exhausted. “Dinky,” he said weakly. “Wake up. I got a feather loose.”
Dinky, who had fallen asleep on her hooves due to the position of her bonds making it impossible for her to lie down, woke with a start and gave a huge yawn. “Great, Mr. Breeze,” she said sleepily. “Push it over here.”
Breeze slid the feather along the floor and Dinky picked it up. She inserted the pointed tip into the contraption locked around her horn and began to wiggle it about. A few minutes passed, and suddenly the deadbolt gave a loud click and the bond came free.
“Got it!” she giggled, immediately transferring the feather from her hoof to her magical aura. “Sit up Mr. Breeze, so I can get yours!”
Breeze lifted himself to a partial sitting position, and waited as Dinky unlocked the multiple locks on his legs. Her dexterity with the feather was increased tremendously now that it was being magically manipulated, and all of Breeze’s locks came free in less time than it had taken Dinky to do her own.
“Good, now let’s get out of this crazy place,” Breeze said quietly. “Can you pick the lock on the door with that-”
Click.
“One step ahead of you,” Dinky laughed, pushing open the cell door.
The two ponies bolted out of the silent corridors, and found themselves on a high ledge in the mountains.
“Okay,” Breeze said. “Let’s get out of here before any griffons notice. We need to head straight back to Equestria.”
“But look!” said Dinky, pointing in the opposite direction. “We’re so close!”
Breeze looked. A red glow sat on the horizon, and a few wisps of smoke curled into the sky.
“The volcanoes are just a short flight away,” Dinky said. “We can’t give up now! We’re so close to getting the ultimate present for mom for Hearts and Hooves Day.”
Breeze looked back toward the shore, then towards the volcanoes again. Never had he felt so conflicted.
“Alright,” he agreed. “It’s probably a bad idea, but let’s go and try to get that orb.”
“Yay!” Dinky cheered.
Breeze shook his head. Dear Celestia, what am I thinking?
Breeze attempted to alight gracefully on the next precipice, but he just sort of crumpled onto the rocks as soon as he landed. Dinky hopped off his back and looked at him with concern.
“You alright, Mr. Breeze?” she asked.
“Oh, my aching wings…” Breeze moaned. “No pegasus should ever have to fly as much as I have in the past day. Especially not with a filly on his back…”
“Well, I think we can walk from here,” Dinky said, observing the area around them. “The paths look a little treacherous, but it’s morning now, so we should be able to see it if there’s any danger.”
Breeze looked at the unstable rocky bridges crisscrossing over a gulch filled with hot volcanic gases. “Yeah,” he said sarcastically. “We’ll be real safe now.”
He stood up. “Just stay close to me, Dinky. If you fall, I need to be near enough that I can fly down and catch you before you wind up in that volcanic pit.”
Dinky nodded and began carefully stepping along the thin pathways, and Breeze followed closely behind. The two of them wound around the side of the next mountain, always wary of the crumbling pathways.
Finally, as the afternoon wore on, the pair reached the mountaintop, and Dinky pointed to a structure up ahead.
“That’s it. Look.”
Breeze saw what appeared to be an old sanctuary of some sort, positioned on an uneven rocky outcropping. Unfortunately, the island holding the strange little building was situated over a large pit of boiling lava.
“Can you fly us over there, Mr. Breeze?” Dinky asked.
“Yeah,” Breeze replied, “but hold on tight. If you fall of or something, you’re in deep trouble.”
Dinky clung to Breeze’s back, and the pegasus fluttered as quickly as he could over the deep chasm of lava. A moment later, he landed on the island.
Dinky ran up the steps of the stone sanctuary and reached the pedestal at the top where, sure enough, the Healer’s Orb rested inside some sort of translucent barrier. A long, flat stone sat in front of the pedestal; it appeared as if it was meant to bear some sort of inscription, yet it was completely blank.
Breeze tapped the shield with a hoof. “This is made of magic, isn’t it?” he asked Dinky.
“That’s right,” she said. “Now, I just need to figure out how to break it.”
“Can you like, shoot a fireball at it or something?” Breeze asked.
Dinky snickered. “Mr. Breeze, they don’t teach battle magic to first year students,” she explained. “Can you imagine the chaos at the academy if there were a bunch of colts and fillies running around throwing fire and lightning at each other?”
“Good point,” said Breeze. “But then, how do you plan to break it?”
“I’m not sure,” said Dinky. “But magic puzzles like these almost never require brute force. You just have to figure out how to give it what it wants.”
Breeze trotted all the way around the barrier, but there was no sign of a hint of any kind. “Well, I’m not sure what to say,” he admitted. “I’ve lived among pegasi all my life; anything from unicorn culture is kind of lost on me.”
“Maybe it gains energy from its surroundings,” Dinky theorized. “Since it’s so hot here, maybe the barrier will disappear if I make it cold.”
Dinky’s horn lit up, and after a few seconds, condensation began to appear on the surface of the magical wall, indicating the temperature change. However, it didn’t falter as a result.
“No effect,” said Breeze. “Any other ideas?”
“The only other thing I even know how to do that’s applicable to this situation is dispel existing spells,” Dinky said. “Remember, it’s the same thing I used on Glow when we were in Canterlot. But this magic is a lot stronger than she is.”
“Well, give it a try,” Breeze urged.
Dinky squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated. A yellow shockwave blasted from her horn. Most of it passed harmlessly over Breeze. Some of it hit the barrier, which caused it to ripple slightly, but a moment later, it solidified back to normal.
“No! Open, you stupid thing!” Dinky yelled, blasting wave after wave of magic dispelling energy out of her horn. The barrier seemed quite unconcerned. It did little more than wiggle around a bit more.
“Ugh,” said Dinky, leaning her head against the magical wall in defeat. “It’s not fair, we’re so close! I just want to be able to fix mom’s eyes so she can live a normal life again.”
The barrier flickered away instantly and Dinky tumbled forward, landing almost on top of the orb. “Wha- what’d I do?” she asked. “I didn’t use any magic.”
“Look there!” said Breeze, pointing to the wide stone on the ground. Lettering was appearing in its surface.
The young unicorn’s cause is a worthy one. Take the orb and heal the ones you love.
Dinky picked up the large, shiny artifact. “We got it! Let’s get going, Mr. Breeze.”
“Aw, leaving so soon?” came a deep voice.
There was a loud flapping behind the ponies. They turned around just in time to see Argus alight on the platform.
“I don’t know what you two are doing out here,” Argus said, “but I don’t appreciate it when my guests leave without saying goodbye. Lucky for me, I can smell a pony from miles away. This time, ol’ Argus isn’t gonna be so friendly with you trespassers.”
The griffon snarled and lunged forward. Breeze reacted instinctively; he turned around and aimed a buck at the beast’s chest. It connected, throwing Argus backward, but not before the griffon took a good swipe at Breeze with one of his front claws.
Breeze cried out as he felt the muscle in his left wing tear. The useless wing hung limply at his side. Before Breeze could even attempt to retaliate, Argus lunged forward again, beak snapping.
THUNK.
The griffon crashed face-first into a magical shield Dinky had created. Angrily, he hammered himself against it.
“How are we supposed to get out of here?!” Breeze asked desperately. “We can’t get off this little hunk of rock anymore; I can’t even move my left wing.”
Despite the perilous situation, Dinky smirked. “Mr. Breeze, you could try using the orb for that, you know.”
Breeze blinked. “Oh yeah…” he said sheepishly.
Argus smashed against Dinky’s shield again, and a large crack appeared. “You might want to hurry it up, Mr. Breeze,” she said.
Breeze clutched the orb between his front hooves. “I need my wings to be healed!” he said aloud.
The effect was instantaneous; damaged muscle and broken bone mended immediately, and all the fatigue Breeze felt from his recent excessive flying melted away. He felt stronger and fitter than he could ever remember feeling.
“Okay, hop on!” he said, flaring his wings as he prepared to take off.
Dinky grabbed the magical orb and leapt onto Breeze’s back. The pegasus crouched and prepared to take off.
Argus lunged forward one more time, shattering the force field, and Breeze took of the instant he did so. The pegasus rose into the air and flew off into the mountains toward the sea as fast as he could. He heard the griffon’s powerful wing beats right behind him.
Suddenly, Argus lunged forward in midair and caught Breeze’s tail in his beak. Breeze came to a jarring halt, and Dinky screamed as she toppled forward from the momentum. Breeze then managed to catch her tail in his teeth. Unfortunately, the sudden stop in Dinky’s momentum caused her to lose her grip on the orb. Before anypony could even react, it tumbled into the chasm and was engulfed by the magma, bursting into a dazzling multicolored flame for a moment before being swallowed up entirely.
Breeze took advantage of the momentary distraction to flap with all his might. He pulled free from Argus’s grip, leaving a tuft of brown hair in the griffon’s mouth. He slung Dinky up onto his back and rocketed toward the sea, this time leaving their angry pursuer far behind.
Breeze sighed yet again as he flew, gazing at the calm sea below him and the star-filled sky up above. The journey had been a complete bust; the Healer’s Orb was destroyed, and now there was nothing to give Ditzy for Hearts and Hooves Day.
Breeze craned his neck to look at Dinky, who was sleeping soundly on his back. He realized that he himself had not slept in almost two days, and he shook his head to clear the sleep away. He had to keep flying until they were safely back in Equestria.
Besides, I wouldn’t be able to sleep much anyway, he thought grimly. Tomorrow’s going to be the worst Hearts and Hooves Day ever…
The sun had already peeked over the horizon on Sunday morning when Breeze finally arrived back at Ditzy’s cottage. He trotted in the front door, and proceeded straight to Dinky’s room, where he carefully tucked the sleeping filly into her own bed. Then he proceeded to Ditzy’s couch in the living room and collapsed, falling asleep almost instantly.
He got to enjoy his sleep for a quarter hour or so. Then, the door slammed open, startling him awake.
“Good morning!” Ditzy Doo sang as she trotted into the cottage. “Ooh, sorry. Did I wake you up, Breeze? Usually you’re up by now.”
“It’s fine…” Breeze mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “How was your trip?”
“Okay,” said Ditzy. “The job wasn’t anything special, but I completed the assignment. Anyway, is Dinky awake yet?”
“Mr. Breeze!” Dinky called from her room. “Could you come here a minute?”
“Sounds like she is,” Breeze said. “I’ll go see what she wants.”
Breeze trotted into Dinky’s room. The filly was huddled over a large, decorated paper.
“Quick, Mr. Breeze, sign the card! That way we’ll at least have something to give to mom!”
“Alright,” said Breeze a little sadly. He took the paper and scrawled a short note next to Dinky’s, signed it, and handed it back to her.
“Okay, let’s go,” she said, darting out of the room. Breeze trudged along after her.
“Hey mom,” Dinky said as she approached her mother. “Guess what?”
Ditzy’s eyes attempted briefly to focus on her daughter before sliding apart again. “What?”
Dinky whipped the card out of her saddlebag with magic and presented it to Ditzy. “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day from me and Mr. Breeze!”
A huge smile crept across Ditzy’s face as she took the card. The front was mostly taken up with a crayond drawing of Ditzy and Breeze, with Dinky huddled in between them and a big heart surrounding the trio. Ditzy opened the card to find the interior covered in glitter, heart-shaped stickers, and little drawings of flowers and butterflies. Two notes were written at the bottom.
Happy Hearts and Hooves Day to a mom who works so hard for our little family. You’re the best mom in all of Equestria!
Love, Dinky
Ditzy shifted her gaze to the other note.
To the mare I’d go to the ends of the earth for, (more literally than you might think), a very Happy Hearts and Hooves Day. I’m so sorry this was all we could get for you this year; even though there’s nothing in Equestria as good as the gift you deserve, your present next year will be twice as amazing as this year’s should have been. I promise.
With love, Autumn Breeze
“Yeah, it’s not much…” Breeze said. “Every place in town was sold out, and-”
“Shh,” said Ditzy. “What are you talking about, Breeze? This is… this is the greatest gift you two could have gotten for me.”
“But it’s just a card,” Breeze said. “We were hoping to get you a-”
“I’m not talking about the card!” Ditzy laughed. “I’m talking about all the love I get from the two of you. That’s all I could want on Hearts and Hooves Day, but I get it every day from my wonderful coltfriend and my amazing daughter.”
Ditzy scooped both of them up in a strong embrace. “I don’t know what I would do without you two,” she said. “I’m actually glad you didn’t go out of your way to get me some silly gift, because the best gift of all is spending the day with the two of you.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” Breeze said. “Good thing we didn’t try to do anything drastic, right Dinky?”
Dinky winked. “That’s right, Mr. Breeze. Nothing drastic at all.”
Author’s final note: That’s it, Shipping and Handling is now 100% complete, bonus content and all. If you’re still looking for more, keep an eye on this page in 2013 for the official sequel, “Hocus Pocus”, starring little Dinky Doo, and detailing her adventures at Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns. (And of course, featuring the continued story of the lively cast of S&H).
In the meantime, check out my other fics if you’re looking for something else by me.
