What Love Really Is

There she goes I thought. Getting ready for her big moment.

Bon Bon smiled with her friends, shifting around nervously as Rarity put on the finishing touches on her appearance. Nervous to be walking down the aisle in the next few minutes to come. Even in her state of panic, she was beautiful. The way her blue and pink mane curled and was braided just for this special occasion and her bright blue eyes was enough to put anybody into a trance. Her gorgeous voice as smooth and soft as ice could easily have gained any stallion’s attention. Above her creamy coat was a beautiful dress made by the goddess of fashion herself just added to the beauty of my friend. The white silky fabric really made her mane and eyes stand out and when Rarity made her do a twirl, I felt my heart stop and a lump form in my throat. Bon Bon, to put it simply, was a stunner.

I wished that I could just hold her and caress her for as long as I could before she had to walk to her husband-to-be, as strange as that wish may be. Just hold her before I lose her forever. But I know that she’d be embarrassed if I did hold her. She’d probably giggle like a little girl, all the while, begging for me to let go like the way she used to years ago whenever I did something to embarrass her slightly. I missed those days; when Bon Bon and I were nothing more than roommates just trying to make ends meet.

We were the best of friends. The Elements of Harmony may have a strong bond; always helping each other and making sure that they were all alright. But Bon Bon and I shared a bond like no other pony. It was like we were made for each other and only she didn’t see that. She just saw me as a friend and nothing more. Even if most ponies would consider us a couple (before Bon Bon went ahead and got engaged) and would be surprised at how long we’ve been dating. Obviously, us being together was far from the truth. We never had that kind of a relationship. Just because we were best friends and roommates who enjoyed each other’s company didn’t mean anything. At least that’s what Bon Bon used to say.

"How do I look?" Bon Bon asked, panic apparent in her voice. "Am I sweating too much? Does this dress make me look big?"

Despite the constant reassuring of the mares and Bon Bon’s panicking, I was able to close my eyes and let myself remember. Just relaxed and let my memories take me away somewhere.

I remembered my father telling me about his friend and how her daughter was a lot like me. I laughed slightly at that memory. What he said was far from true. Even then, though, Bon Bon was beautiful as she bashfully hid behind her mother’s tail and peeked her head out ever so slightly. Her shy behavior was the complete opposite from my straightforward and simple demeanor at the time. I tried to get a good view of who, unbeknown to me, would be my life long friend. Our parents laughed when I chased Bon Bon around, trying to figure her out on the spot. The more our parents hung out, the more Bon Bon and I got to get used to each other.

Bon Bon’s shyness vanished over the course of our early friendship. Her fear was replaced by happiness the more we were together. It was whenever she came to my house or I went to hers that we got to understand each other more. I knew that our friendship would develop beyond that of any other filly or colt. We always looked out for each other no matter what. Her trust in me took some time to develop, but as the years went on, our simple friendship earned us a strong faith in each other’s hooves.

During the late years of elementary school, I recall us being much like the infamous Cutie Mark Crusaders, though our methods were very much on the safer side. Bon Bon got her cutie mark first, while I was trying to get mine. I spent some time crying in the restroom of the school crying about Bon Bon’s apparent success.

“You’ll get your cutie mark soon,” She said to me tenderly, the both of us cramped in the stall, her soft hoof on my back. “trust me.”

What she didn’t understand was that I didn’t care about her getting her cutie mark first. I was scared that she’d cast me aside and become part of the ‘cool fillies’ who actually had their cutie marks. I didn’t want our friendship to end right there. It was around that time that I realized my feelings for Bon Bon was more than what I initially believed. It wasn’t childish infatuation like I had come to convince myself. No. It couldn’t be. Infatuation didn’t have you swooning and unable to speak to your best friend every time she walked on by. You didn’t beg the goddess for just a single special moment with her every night, just to tell or do something with her. Anything. Infatuation wasn’t why I was so distant from the world around her.

It was love.

“You look beautiful!” Blossomforth reassured the pacing creamy mare, bringing me back to reality.

“Simply divine!” Rarity commented.

“Gorgeous!” Lily and her sisters chimed in unison.

“Astounding!” Sounded Minuette.

‘Perfect’ I wanted to say. The words failed to escape me though. Everything I wanted to say was unable to formulate into a proper sentence. A lump formed in my throat, truly captivated by the sheer beauty of the mare of my dreams. She was so happy, but she was missing something.

My mind returned to memories of our high school days together. The two mares who never left each other’s side. We were, undeniably, the best friends out of everybody in the school. Bon Bon and I were just inseparable. But I was naive to think that there was a deeper connection between her and I. I always wanted to believe there was something more between us, but I always rejected the idea of there being nothing more than our simple friendship. My hormones wouldn't allow me to stop being so close to her and stop laying my hooves on her. Every moment I was around her I just....wanted something. I wanted her love. I already had her appreciation and friendship. I just wanted some kind of affection back from her. To be lovers. Just the two of us.

It was during my years of college that Bon Bon and I began to really disconnect, and I feared again for our relationship. My return to town confirmed my fears that we were no longer the good friends we used to be. Only one letter got to her, out of all the letters I wrote. Because I only sent one letter to her and kept the rest. When I returned, she barely remembered who I was. Like she never got the letter sent to her. She was kind enough to let me stay in her place until I could get my own though. But when you love somepony so much and are stuck living with them temporarily, do you really want to leave?

I stayed because I remembered. And the only reason Bon Bon would have allowed me to do so was because part of her remembered me completely. The filly who had become one of her first friends. The filly with a lyre for a cutie mark, even though at the time she barely knew how to play the instrument. The filly who had become her best friend.

Then she met him. There was nothing wrong with him, really. He was the kindest stallion I've ever met, and personally, I think I loved him almost as much as Bon Bon did. Noteworthy had been a huge impact on my life, though I’m unsure whether or not it was for better or for worse. He was always there when I came home from work; sitting with Bon Bon. My Bon Bon. She was always with him. Smiling as much as we did when we were younger. While she and him were having fun, I was watching in the distance, making sure he was keeping her safe and treating her the way she deserved to be treated.

And by Celestia, did I cry. But she was happy with him. Her being at this wedding just proved it. But the pain I felt when I found them kissing for the first time. I locked myself in my room for hours, Bon Bon wanting to help, but I just rejected it. I was angry. I felt the tiny threads of jealousy infect me. But worst of all? I felt betrayed. From the start she knew I liked her more than a friend, but she never said anything to put me at ease. She never told me that she just wanted to stay friends. She let me suffer because she didn't respond to any of my signals.

She let me suffer. And I let her keep him. If it made her happy, then who was I to take that away from her? I was supposed to be supportive. I had to be. I loved Bon Bon more than anything, and would do anything to keep her happy.

And that’s the real problem with most ponies: they lack the understanding of love or it’s basic concepts. The don’t understand what it means to really love somepony. Love means that you’ll give anything for the person you think the world of. Anything to make him or her happy. That pony doesn't even have to love you back. You just do everything you can to make sure they live life happy and knowing you exist. Even if it means letting them be with someone else to keep that beautiful smile on their face.

“Break a leg Bon Bon.” Blossomforth said as she opened the door for the bride. Bon Bon took in a deep breath and took a step forward, and was followed by the other mares. The ponies who sat in the benches all stood up. Ponies from all over town had come, even the Apple Family. They all smiled and gave their congratulations as Bon Bon made her way through the aisle.

I was stuck watching from the door, unable to move my legs. She was better off without me. She was better with Noteworthy. He deserved a mare like her.

I opened my mouth before Bon Bon was halfway down the aisle, hoping my voice wouldn't fail me. I stepped towards her, making my way into the room, though no more than two steps from the wooden double doors. I could feel the tears starting to form as I watched her, trying to speak.

“I...” My voice cracked slightly. “I love you....”

Bon Bon stopped, her ears twitching slightly at the sound of my voice. I hadn't expected her to have heard me. But she did.

She turned, searching through the seats and finally resting her eyes on me. I smiled and waved a hoof at her, holding back tears and swallowed the lump out of my throat.

Then she did it.

She smiled back at me, tears in her eyes as she did so. I missed that smile. The one she gave me, and only me. As a single tear rolled down her cheek she whispered a faint “I love you too.”

Then she continued down and didn't look back. I couldn't bring myself to get closer to her, no matter how hard I tried. Did I ever mention how beautiful she was in that dress?

Two years later

“Hi Lyra. It’s me again.” Bon Bon said, the wind blowing her mane in her eyes. “It’s been quite some time.”

Silence was the only response she received.

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit you for the past couple of weeks. I feel terrible about it. I really do.”

Silence.

“I just wanted to tell you how good things are now. Noteworthy and I have a daughter on the way! I thought that was something you'd want to know. She’s a heavy one too. Sometimes I think it’s really twins in here.” Bon Bon rubbed her belly which held her foal. “‘Just one baby’ the doctor said. I can’t wait. I have a feeling that you and her will get along very well.”

Bon Bon sniffed. “You know, I've been thinking about the time we spent together before. You know, when we were in school and all. Those were the days, huh. The dynamic duo always striving to get their cutie marks before anyone else in the class. Those were great days we had together. I miss them very much. You had a very special aura around you, and every time we were together, I felt so safe. Every time there was something wrong, we could always just rely on each other. Then you went off to college and we became distant. I still have one of your letters in the nightstand beside my bed. The first and last one you sent to me. the one that I so carelessly cast aside and never read until last night. It was a sweet letter Lyra, and a damn sweet poem to go along with it. I...I couldn't go to sleep last night after I read it.

“I wish you still lived with me in our old apartment.” Bon Bon sniffed and tried to hold back tears. “Things get pretty quiet with Noteworthy working on that typewriter he loves very much. He’s been preparing himself for our little bun in the oven. He constantly worries about me, hoping that nothing bad happens to me especially since I’m pregnant. You know, we’ve been thinking, and we might name this child after you. If not Lyra, then I want Heartstrings to be in the name somewhere.

“That also r-reminds me.” The mare’s voice cracked, and tears began to drip down her cheeks. She rested a hoof on Lyra. “I-I’m sorry. For being a teasing bitch. I know that you've liked me. I knew, and yet I never did anything. I never told you how I really felt, or....or....how we could have actually been something. Now it’s too l-late for me to properly apologize and actually say this to you face to face.

“I love you so much Lyra.” Bon Bon finally said. She rubbed her hoof across the concrete stone. On it, was the name Lyra Heartstrings. “And I mean that I love as more than a friend. I...I heard you during my wedding two years ago. It was so good to hear your voice again. Most ponies thought that I was crazy when I mentioned it, but I know what I heard.”

Bon Bon turned to leave, unable to find anymore words to say to her beloved friend. She let her tears come until they could no more. Before leaving she turned around and smiled. She could see Lyra now, smiling back at her and waving a hoof. She wasn't really there and Bon Bon knew it. But regardless, she continued to smile and wave her hoof back, as if Lyra was actually standing there over her own grave.